Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8035780.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      방탄소년단_|_Bangtan_Boys_|_BTS
  Relationship:
      Min_Yoongi_|_Suga/Park_Jimin, Jeon_Jungkook/Kim_Taehyung_|_V, Jung_Hoseok
      |_J-Hope/Min_Yoongi_|_Suga
  Character:
      Min_Yoongi_|_Suga, Park_Jimin_(BTS), Kim_Taehyung_|_V, Jeon_Jungkook, Kim
      Namjoon_|_Rap_Monster, Kim_Seokjin_|_Jin
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, Drug_Use, Drug_Addiction, Alcohol, Sexual_Content, Depression,
      dj!yoongi, underground_boxer!tae, drug_dealer!hoseok, satyriasis!jimin,
      dj!namjoon, Insomnia, assistant_manager!jin, Polyamory,
      insomniac!jungkook, Established_Relationship, Suicide_Attempt
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-09-18 Updated: 2016-10-28 Chapters: 3/? Words: 6736
****** i try if it feels right (this feels nice) ******
by younevrwalkalone
Summary
     i've been down and lost for days
     glad I found you on the way
Notes
     if you feel uncomfortable reading this, please dont read it. its
     basically a story about drugs, drug addiction, mental health problems
     like depression, insomnia and jimin is addicted to sex so if you dont
     like reading about any of these things..dont
     its still a wip btw so im not quite sure about this and when im going
     to update again
     btw the title is from travis scott's drugs you should try it
     heres a playlist for the fic while i wrote this:
     drugs you should try it / travis scott
     the beach / the nbhd
     flying high / travis scott
     body / mino
     maria im drunk / travis scott ft. young thug
     house of cards / bts
     joy / pnd
     nightcrawler / travis scott
     party favors / tinashe ft. young thug
     rip 2 my youth / the nbhd
     skyfall / travis scott
     the story is playing in america btw
     bts's ages:
     jungkook - 17
     yoongi, jimin, taehyung - 19
     namjoon, hoseok - 20
     seokjin - 22
***** one *****
“Do you really need to suck me off right now?” Yoongi groans when he feels the
warmth of Jimin’s mouth around his cock. Jimin just looks up, blinks a few
times and continues to bob his head up and down.
“Fuck.” Yoongi whispers silently when he feels the heat pooling in his abdomen.
Yoongi comes into Jimin’s mouth, who confidently swallows everything and gets
up and smiles widely at Yoongi. Whereas Yoongi’s legs feel so weak he's about
to collapse.
“Thanks.” He pecks Jimin on the forehead.
Receiving blowjobs in the stall of a club was nothing new to Yoongi nor Jimin.
It was basically like a regular thing and Yoongi didn't mind. And if it was
with Jimin, then he didn't mind at all.
“My show is starting in 10 minutes.” Yoongi reports after checking his watch.
“You're gonna perform your new song, right?” Yoongi hums.
They exit the stall and Jimin starts fixing his orange hair in the mirror.
“You look fine, baby.” Yoongi comments and sees Jimin smiling. “I know.” He
turns around.
“Where's Taehyung anyways?”
“Has a fight. Jungkook is with him too.” Jimin chuckles.
“Of course he's with him.”
They walk outside into the crowd and Yoongi is already feeling the high from
the coke he snorted earlier. Mixed with the music and the excitement, his heart
is going crazy and he feels so fucking good.
Yoongi loves music, that's probably the only thing he really cares about (Jimin
is second on that list though) but music is always there for him. It makes him
feel so many emotions all at once and that's what he wants, to feel.
Namjoon is playing his set right now and Yoongi always appreciates the music he
plays. Namjoon is a good friend, maybe not as good as Taehyung but he's not
involved in all the shit that him and his friends are. Namjoon just wants to
make music and share it with others. Yoongi wishes he had a simple life like
that too.
Yoongi gets his laptop and all the equipment ready and starts playing after
greeting Namjoon with a big hug. The first song he plays is slow but then
during the middle of the song it gets faster and he sees the crowd dancing and
having fun.
Sometimes he sees a glimpse of Jimin moving in the crowd and honestly it feels
like as if he's playing a concert for Jimin only, as if they're in their own
world and only see each other. Most of the time, it's like that. Nothing can
separate them.
Yoongi is so happy about meeting Jimin and being together with him. Sometimes
he wonders how his life would be without Jimin. It wouldn't be the same.
He plays some more songs, the crowd dances some more and Yoongi feels a little
high which makes this performance even better so he's happy – if you can even
say that.
After Yoongi finishes his set, Jimin and Yoongi drive home to their apartment.
They just moved in last year because it was just easier to live together
because Jimin was at Yoongi’s place all the time anyways.
Going to bed with Jimin felt nice and Yoongi wouldn't want anything else.
 
                               ****** ϟϟϟ ******
 
“I’m gonna kill him!” Taehyung shouts.
“Hey, it's okay.” Jungkook tries to calm him down.
“No it's not, Kook. Not at all. He called you a faggot, that fucker deserves to
die.” Taehyung quickly lights himself a cigarette and sucks on it.
“C’mon let’s go. But you won! So it's good, right?” Taehyung chuckles.
“I always win, Jungkook.”
And Taehyung was right, he hasn't lost a single fight since he started boxing
(well he lost once but he was an amateur back then and we don't talk about
that). Everyone in the underground boxing scene knew who Kim Taehyung was and
they were either afraid of him or wanted to challenge him. Whenever they did
though, they ended up bloody on the ground.
But that's how it works. One wins and the other loses.
“Let's go home, yeah?” Taehyung nods.
They drive home in Jungkook's car and the drive is spent silently, Taehyung is
still tense and angry so Jungkook is just going to let him be, he'll get over
it.
“Goodnight.” Taehyung pecks him on the forehead and turns his back on him.
It's already 2am but Jungkook just can't close his fucking eyes. He tosses and
turns, even tries to count sheep but nothing is working. He really doesn't want
to use the pills but an hour has gone by and he's still wide awake.
Getting up, he silently walks towards the bathroom and opens the cabinet.
Inside he finds the Ambien pill and swallows it with a little water from the
kitchen.
 
                               ****** ϟϟϟ ******
 
“Anthony still owes me 2k.” Hoseok speaks into the speaker.
“He's gonna meet you on Friday, he'll have the money by then.”
"I sure hope so." Hoseok hangs up and at that moment a knock comes from the
door.
“Come in!” He shouts and the door opens to reveal Yoongi's small figure.
“What are you doing here?” Hoseok smiles at him.
“Why? Aren't you happy to see me?” Yoongi smirks and sits down in the chair in
front of Hoseok.
“I'm happy to see you anywhere else than this place.” Hoseok answers. “I'm not
gonna give you more coke, you know that right?”
“I'm not here for coke. I was bored and I thought why not visit you.”
“Where's Jimin?”
“Out.” Hoseok nods.
“How was your show yesterday?” Hoseok asks. “Good.”
“Why are you actually here, Yoongi?” Yoongi chuckles and mutters “of course”.
“Are you busy?” He asks and Hoseok shakes his head. “Okay then do you want to
fuck because I'm like really frustrated.” He runs a hand through his bleached
hair.
“Okay.”
So Hoseok ends up pinned on the mattress with Yoongi hovering over him,
whispering sweet nothings into his ear.
Yoongi and Hoseok do this often, so it's nothing new for both of them. They've
been doing this for two years already and both liked it so that's why it hasn't
come to an end yet.
Even though Yoongi was together with Jimin, he still liked to be with someone
else once in a while and Hoseok was just the perfect person for that.
Yoongi met Hoseok the first time in a club when he was 17 and Hoseok offered
him coke so of course he agreed and somehow they ended up in Hoseok’s
apartment. Then he found out that Hoseok was a drug dealer and began buying
from him. That's how this friendship – if you could call it that – bloomed.
When Yoongi told Jimin about him and Hoseok, Jimin was okay with that because
Jimin had sexual intercourse with other people too and Yoongi agreed to that.
As long as they would be here for each other in the end, then everything is
okay.
“Thanks.” Yoongi falls back against the soft mattress and Hoseok hums.
He gets out his cigarette packet and a lighter from his jacket lying on the
floor and gets two out.
“Here.” He hands one to Hoseok and he happily takes it. Yoongi raises the
lighter to the stick between Hoseok’s lips and lights it. Then he repeats the
action with his own and takes a long drag.
"Taehyung is throwing a party, are you gonna come?” Yoongi asks suddenly.
“Seems fun, when is it?” Hoseok picks up the ashtray from the nightstand and
puts it on the sheets so they don't dirty the floor.
“Tomorrow.”
“Okay, I'll come.”
“Good.”
 
                               ****** ϟϟϟ ******
 
“Jungkook, I've been calling you for an hour now. Where are you?” Seokjin's
loud voice rings through the phone.
“At home.” He answers, his voice still groggy from sleep.
“Anyways I just wanted to remind you about the family dinner tonight.” Jungkook
groans. He completely forgot and today is Taehyung's party too, he can't miss
that.
“I can't tonight.” Seokjin sighs loudly.
“Of course you can't. What's your excuse this time?”
“It’s not an excuse, I need to study for exams.”
“Have fun. I guess then I'll have dinner with mum and dad.”
Jungkook hasn't even started studying for exams. He's going to fail this year
but he doesn't care and he should probably feel guilty for that but he doesn't.
 
                               ****** ϟϟϟ ******
 
“Holy fuck.” Yoongi mutters after snorting his second line of coke. He really
should stop, he should definitely stop. Hoseok is already on his ass about it
all the time but he can't.
“You okay, babe?” Jimin asks and throws his arms around his shoulder. He hums
not really being able to say something.
“Where's Taehyung anyway?” He asks after a while.
“Getting more alcohol from the basement.”
“Good.”
Soon Yoongi sees Taehyung walking towards him, with Jungkook right next to him.
They sit down next to him and Jimin.
“How was the fight?” Taehyung lights himself a blunt and takes a drag as Yoongi
asks him.
“Basic. What about your show?” He passes the cigarette to Jungkook, who takes a
drag.
“Really good.” Taehyung nods.
“You wanna smoke too?” Jungkook asks Jimin but he shakes his head.
“Then there's more for Tae and me.” He shrugs.
“What are you up to these days anyways, kid?” Yoongi turns to Jungkook. The
younger boy chuckles.
“Failing classes. Disappointing my family. The regular.”
“Fuck them. You've got us, right?” Jungkook nods and sucks on the cigarette.
Hoseok comes too after a while and congratulates Taehyung on his win.
“Thanks, man. How is your business going?”
“Fine. I need more clients though, you know anyone who might be interested?”
“Sure. I'll talk to a few people and then I'll tell you.”
“Thanks.” Hoseok takes a sip from the beer.
Taehyung's parties were usually crazy but tonight it was pretty chilled out. He
didn't invite as many people as usually and the music was not as loud either.
It was a good atmosphere and Yoongi liked it.
With Jimin next to him, leaning his head on his shoulder and the blissful
feeling of the cocaine, it was just the perfect mixture and Yoongi wished this
could last forever but unfortunately it doesn't.
It was already 3am when Yoongi checked the watch and he wasn't even high
anymore, that same cold feeling returned in his bones and the warmth was gone.
“Jimin, let's go.” Jimin nods.
Jimin drives this time because he didn't drink that much and it's safer this
way. As soon as they arrive, Yoongi pins Jimin against the door and starts
kissing him. He unbuttons Jimin’s black shirt and pulls off his own t-shirt.
“Bedroom.” Jimin manages to get out and they reach the room successfully
without bumping into something.
Yoongi throws Jimin onto the mattress and straddles him. He peppers kisses down
Jimin’s torso and moves to his belt and opens it. Quickly unzipping his pants,
he throws them away and then does the same to his own jeans. Now they're only
left in their boxers and Jimin already has a hard on.
“Fuck.” Yoongi groans out when Jimin palms his crotch. He gets out the condom
and lube out of the drawer.
Yoongi pulls down Jimin's briefs and throws them somewhere on the floor. Soon
he pours lube on his fingers and puts one finger inside him, he moves around a
little and then adds another. Jimin's breathing is already ragged when Yoongi
puts in the third finger.
He pulls out, making Jimin wince because of the emptiness and cleans his
fingers with the t-shirt lying next to him on the bed sheets. Swiftly, he pulls
the condom down his cock and slowly moves inside of Jimin.
Jimin sighs and tells Yoongi to go on, so he starts moving, slowly at first but
then his pace picks up. He can feel Jimin's nails on his back, leaving marks
probably. Yoongi gets out a groan at the same as Jimin moans.
“You feel so good, Jimin.” Jimin just hums at that and clutches the bed sheets
instead.
Jimin comes first, spurting all over Yoongi's stomach and chanting Yoongi’s
name as if it was a prayer. Yoongi climaxes just a few seconds later.
"I love you." Yoongi mumbles into Jimin's neck and he pecks him on his
forehead.
 
                               ****** ϟϟϟ ******
 
"You weren't studying last night, where were you?” Seokjin asks.
Jungkook literally just arrived at his apartment and Seokjin is already
nagging. He shouldn't have given him his spare key but he'll probably not get
it back.
“I was at my friend's place and we were studying there.”
“Then where's your school stuff because everything is lying on your desk.” He
points out.
“Can you just let me sleep please?” He has to move past Seokjin so he can get
into his room.
“You smell like weed. Where were you yesterday?” Jungkook groans.
“My friend was smoking, okay? I didn't smoke anything.” Lie.
“Bullshit. I can't believe you.” Seokjin raises his voice and it makes
Jungkook's head hurt even more.
“Can you please talk quietly?” He mumbles.
“You know what? I don't care!” And Seokjin leaves.
Finally, Jungkook can have his peace.
Jungkook didn't ask to be adopted, he didn't ask for his parents to give him up
for adoption either. He just wanted to live on his own but he still had one
more year with the Kim family. They were nice, especially Mrs. and Mr. Kim but
he didn't want to be treated like a baby. And then there was Seokjin, always
nagging, saying that he only wants the best for him. The best for Jungkook is
to kill himself but he's too much of a coward to do that.
 
                               ****** ϟϟϟ ******
 
Jimin is pretty sure that the girl in the tight black dress is throwing glances
at him. So he stands up from his stool and sits down next to her.
“Hey.” He greets with a smile.
“Hi.” She smiles back and continues to sip at her drink.
“I like your tattoos.” She points at his inked arm.
“Thanks.”
“By the way I'm Shay.”
“Jimin.” She nods.
Jimin orders three drinks more at least he thinks those were three but they
somehow end up at her apartment. His goal was to go home with her tonight so it
worked. Jimin was a very charming person so it always worked.
He didn't really care about the girl, he just wanted to fuck her.
So he takes off her dress and his own clothes and she's straddling him and
Jimin is going to go crazy if she's not going to stop kissing him. He gets out
the condom out of his wallet and she puts it on his cock.
Shay slides down onto his length and both let out a moan when she starts moving
up and down. She's gripping his shoulders so hard that it's probably going to
bruise.
“Fuck.” He groans and tries to move his hips along with hers but he can't so he
let’s her do.
Jimin sometimes imagines Yoongi when he's with someone else, with a stranger.
Imagines Yoongi's hands on him, whispering dirty things into his ear.
“I'm gonna come.” And Yoongi's face is replaced with Shay’s as she pants out.
He hums as a response and grips her hips tighter as she rides him through his
climax.
It's always the same with strangers. He leaves in the middle of the night when
they're already asleep and goes back to his own apartment and then joins Yoongi
in their bed.
The strangers aren't Yoongi and they'll never be and Jimin will always come
back to Yoongi, no matter what.
Growing up in a strict and religious family was hard. Jimin wasn't allowed to
do most of the things that normal children or teenagers were allowed to do. He
didn't believe in the concept of God, it just didn't make sense to him and it
still doesn't.
Then one day he found porn on the internet and that was his turning point. He
wasn't trying to be somebody else at this point. He enjoyed watching these
videos and imagining about himself doing all of that.
During his last year of high school he started going out and even had friends
and then he met him. He met Yoongi at a party and he knew right at that moment
that he'll never be more fascinated by anyone other than Min Yoongi.
Jimin had sex with Yoongi for the first time and he eventually showed him and
made it even more clear for him that sex was okay, it wasn't dirty, it wasn't a
sin like his parents told him. No, it was something that not everyone could
enjoy but they were allowed to. Because it wasn't wrong, it felt good and if it
feels good then Jimin thinks it's not wrong.
 
                               ****** ϟϟϟ ******
 
“You should tell Yoongi at least, you know?” Taehyung lights himself another
cigarette, this is the third one in 20 minutes.
“You should cut down on your cigarettes.” Hoseok answers instead.
“Don't even try to dodge the question.”
“He's right, Hoseok.” Jungkook joins.
“You shouldn't even be here, kid.”
“I was bored.” Jungkook shrugs.
“More like you couldn't sleep, it's 3am.”
“Hey! Leave him alone.” Taehyung spoke, sounding pissed off.
Hoseok didn't even try to cross the line with Taehyung, he didn't want to be
killed, doesn't matter if they're friends or not.
“He's together with Jimin anyways and it doesn't matter.” Hoseok says. “And
it's not like he’ll leave Jimin to be with me. That's absurd.”
“Try at least.” Jungkook butts in.
“That's like separating you two. It's impossible.” Taehyung chuckles.
“I'm sorry, man. You fell in love with the wrong person.” He pats him on his
back.
“It's my fault. Anyways doesn't matter.” Hoseok sighs. “By the way thanks for
the new clients.” Taehyung nods.
“I'm having a fight next Friday, you wanna come?”
“Sure.”
 
                               ****** ϟϟϟ ******
 
Taehyung is a very angry person, always has been since he can remember. He was
always angry at something, at his shitty parents, at his teachers, at his
friends but not at Jungkook. Never at Jungkook.
Jungkook was his anchor, he held him down and Taehyung was grateful for that.
He met him after one of his fights, he was still new to the underground boxing
thing back then and Jungkook was just sitting outside the gym that night with a
cigarette between his lips.
Taehyung gets out his own cigarette but he doesn't have a lighter, probably
lost it.
“Hey, do you have a lighter?” Taehyung asks but the boy doesn't answer. He
repeats his question but the boy quietly continues to smoke his cigarette.
He was getting impatient so he lightly kicked the boy with his foot on his
thigh. He looked up, confused and big doe eyes staring back at him.
“Can I use your lighter?” Taehyung waves the cigarette between his bruised
fingers in the air.
“Sure.” Now Taehyung spots the headphones in his ears and that explains why he
didn't hear him.
“Sorry for kicking you.” He apologizes and sits down next to the stranger.
“It's okay. I shouldn't have been listening to music that loud.” He gets out
the lighter and Taehyung places the stick between his mouth while he lights it.
Taehyung watches him intently, watches the way his eyelashes are now shadows
underneath his eyes. He even notices the dark bags under his eyes.
“Thanks.” Taehyung takes a drag.
“What are you even doing here? At 5am. You look like a high school kid.”
“Couldn't sleep.” He shrugs and flicks the ash onto the ground.
“Why do you look like someone tried to kill you?” Taehyung snorts.
“I was working.”
“Right.”
Taehyung often meets Jungkook in the same area but not at day, instead he's
wandering the streets during the night with his hoodie up, headphones in his
ear and a lighter in his hand, always flicking on and off.
He is curious so he eventually just asks him why he isn't in his bed, sleeping
like every other high school kid.
“I don't know, I just can't sleep and it gets boring so I go out.”
“Doesn't sound that pleasant.”
“It isn't.”
 
                               ****** ϟϟϟ ******
 
“You remember when people used to bet who was going to win? But they don't have
to do that anymore because Taehyung's always the winner.” Yoongi says with a
small smile on his lips.
“Yes! Someone once bet 4k just for Taehyung and then he won.”
“I'm flattered.” Taehyung chuckles. “I gotta go now.” He leaves.
And Taehyung fights against some small but bulky guy and he wins, like always.
His friends watch him beat the shit out of the poor guy and they cheer for him
and then it's all over and the ref is announcing Taehyung as the winner.
***** two *****
Chapter Notes
     I'm back pretty early even tho I thought this would take longer
     I'm posting this from my phone bc my computer died so idk there might
     be mistakes
     Also I made a mistake with Jungkook's age, he's 17 not 18
     And I wanted to say that tags will be added as the story goes on bc
     wip
     Something else I wanted to make clear bc someone even commented about
     it and I should have expected it and explained it from the
     beginning....the poly tag describes the different relationships
     yoonmin have with other people so yeah don't expect anything else
Jungkook kept telling himself that he was okay but in the back of his head he
knew he wasn't. He hasn't slept for days and he literally thinks he's going to
die. Yesterday when he did attend classes for the first time in days, he slept
through all of them so that was a waste. He should probably go to a doctor but
they can't help him or he'd be okay by now which he isn't.
So he sits on his couch and watches the clock tick on the wall. His eyes are
burning, his whole body is hurting but he still can't lie down and fall asleep.
He's trying to get away from the prescription meds so he's not going to take
them. Not even Taehyung is here to get his mind ofree from this.
Yoongi and Jimin are busy too and he's not going to talk to Hoseok about his
problems. Only persons left are Seokjin and his parents. He can't go to them
though, he's enough of a disappointment and they can't see him like this. He
looks horrible with deep bags under his bloodshot eyes and skin so pale that he
looks like a ghost.
Jungkook just wants to fucking sleep.
 
                                      ϟϟϟ
 
“I should really quit.” Yoongi says while staring at the table in front of him.
“What?” Jimin looks up and sees Yoongi's dead stare.
“The drugs. Especially coke. I should stop with them.” He explains.
“How often have you said that?” Jimin laughs.
“Hoseok is always on my ass about it.”
“Hoseok is one to talk, he's a fucking dealer and you don't owe him anything.
If you want to quit, then quit but actually go through with it.”
Jimin was right, Yoongi has talked about quitting drugs a lot but he's never
done it because he can't. He can't go through with it. Whenever Yoongi is high,
he's okay, he's fine. All the bad thoughts disappear, there are no nightmares
only the blissful feeling. Yoongi just wants to be happy, he wants to feel good
but he knows he'll never be happy.
“You're right. I'll never quit.”
So Yoongi decides to live a fake happy life.
“My mom called me again.” Jimin speaks up after a while.
“Did you talk to her?” He shakes his head.
Jimin's mother still calls him sometimes, in order to get in contact with him
again after he ran away. He never picks up though.
“It's okay. She'll get over it.” Yoongi assures but it's been two years already
and she hasn't stopped.
“Sometimes I wonder how my parents are now?” Jimin asks and Yoongi really
doesn't want to talk about this with Jimin. The topic of family makes Yoongi
feel nauseous. Jimin doesn't know that though, no one does except of Taehyung.
“Don't think about them, yeah?” Yoongi says and Jimin nods.
 
                                      ϟϟϟ
 
Yoongi kept running and running, not looking back once. He didn't care where he
landed, he just wanted to get away. Far away.
He stopped in an alley where he sat down and tried to control his heavy
breathing. The cold wind bit at his skin and he just tugged his jacket tighter.
Suddenly he heard loud curses and then a loud thud.
Yoongi turned around and saw a tall person staring at their hand. The person
noticed his presence though and started walking towards him.
“Ey, who are you?” The boy approaches him.
“Shit.” Yoongi mumbles under his breath. It was too late to flee so he just
stood there, frozen in place.
“You okay, dude?” The boy’s features soften as he seyes Yoongi's terrified
face.
“Uhh yeah I'm good. I just need to go home.” The boy laughs.
“Don't lie to me. You running away?” Yoongi is flustered about the stranger
knowing about what he was doing. Is it that obvious? Yoongi nods.
“Do you have a place to stay?” He shakes his head.
“You can stay at my place for a while if you want.” The boy offers and Yoongi
wasn't sure if he should accept the nice offer, the boy did seem intimidating
at the beginning but he's really kind.
“That would be really nice.”
So Yoongi stays at Taehyung's - that's his name - place for a few days.
Taehyung is a really nice person even though he smokes a lot, curses a lot and
gets angry a lot.
Yoongi finds out he's the same age as him, 16 years old, he thought he was
older though. He ran away from his own home when he was 13 year olds and lived
with his aunt until he found a job – which he doesn't know what it is – but
he's been living on his own since then.
Taehyung even allowed him to stay as long as he wants to, got him a job at the
restaurant to wash dishes so he could make his own money and live on his own
once he had enough. However, Yoongi didn't want to leave Taehyung. He was his
friend, he trusted him and he cared about him.
So he asks Taehyung if he can stay with him, that he'll even pay half of the
rent and Taehyung was okay with that.
The first time Yoongi ever drank alcohol was on New Year's Eve, the first time
he smoked a blunt was on his 17th birthday and the first time he snorted
cocaine was on Taehyung's birthday and he's been addicted since.
Addiction. That was a funny word to Yoongi because he knew he was addicted, he
knew he wasn't able to function properly without the drugs but he just couldn't
stop.
And it's not like it's Taehyung's fault either for showing him these things –
alcohol and drugs – because he wanted to try them. He wasn't forcing him, not
at all. He offered them to him and Yoongi wanted to try so he did.
Taehyung, himself was addicted but he wasn't as bad as Yoongi though. Yoongi
was happy about that because no one deserves to live like this.
 
                                      ϟϟϟ
 
Jimin had too many sexual fantasies, thoughts – call it whatever you want. If
someone could look into his head, they'd be terrified probably. He can't
control it though. He tries his best to keep calm and not do anything stupid,
even when he's with Yoongi – who never says anything about that topic and never
stops him. Yoongi never judged him because of that, he never would and Jimin
knew that.
So when he's lying here, in his bed with his hand around his cock and with
Yoongi's face in his head, he’s coming so fast that even he is surprised.
“Shit.” He mutters and lies on the mattress, just staring at the ceiling. He
remembers that he has to go to Taehyung's place later. Turning to the clock, it
reads 8pm and he needs to be there at 9.
He takes a long shower, his muscles seemingly relaxing under the hot water. The
color of his hair is fading too but he doesn't know what color he's going to
dye it next.
Jimin gets out of the shower and puts on clean clothes and drives to Taehyung's
place. Yoongi opens the door for him and Jimin throws himself into his arms,
pecking him on the cheek afterwards.
“Hey, babe.” They walk into the living room where the others are.
“Want a drink?” Taehyung asks him and he nods, sitting down next to Yoongi on
the couch.
Jungkook is sitting on the floor with a joint in his hand, staring at it as if
it offended him.
“What's wrong, kid?” Jimin asks.
“Don't know. He hasn't been answering for a while now.” Yoongi answers instead.
When Taehyung returns with a drink, Jimin asks him about Jungkook's weird
behavior.
“He's not in a good mood.” He says and ruffles his boyfriends hair. “Hasn't
slept for a while.” Jimin sighs.
They all know about Jungkook's sleeping problems and no one really has a
solution for it. Jungkook told them that he went to the doctor once and got
pills and they left that topic at that.
“Isn't that like unhealthy?” Taehyung nods, sipping from his own drink.
“He should get help.” Jimin offers.
“Hey! What do you mean with that? Do you think he's retarded or something?”
Taehyung raises his voice.
“No I mean he should get medical help.”
“He takes his pills.”
“I don't anymore.” Jungkook speaks up suddenly.
“What?” Taehyung questions.
“I stopped taking them.” He speaks in a monotonous voice and watches the
cigarette in his hand smolder.
“Aren't you supposed to take them though?” He nods.
“Don’t wanna take them.” He gets up and walks into the bedroom, leaving the
three wondering.
 
                                      ϟϟϟ
 
Jungkook's whole body hurts, his eyes hurt, his head hurts and he just wants to
fucking die and maybe he's ready to do it. Maybe he can do it now, at his worst
state. He's been in a lot of horrible situations in his life but this, this one
is the worst.
Taehyung and the others are long gone and he's alone now in Taehyung's
apartment. He always has his pills with him, wherever he goes so he gets them
out of his bag and stares at the bottle for a while.
He wants to do this, he wants to just sleep forever. He wants to end this.
Maybe he's being selfish and only thinking about himself and forgetting his
friends and Taehyung who loves him but he doesn't care. He really can't care
about that.
Jungkook spills some of the pills onto his hand, five. That's not enough. Three
more. He shakes his head. One more.
He moves them around in his hand, watching them. Then he gets water from the
kitchen and swallows all nine of them. He sits on the couch and waits for sleep
to come.
 
                                      ϟϟϟ
 
Taehyung's training for his next fight goes well, his trainer, Mino is a
persistent person, he likes that about him.
He drives back to his apartment, Jungkook is probably still there. Jungkook has
been acting really weird lately but he doesn't really know why. Well, of course
it's his problem with sleeping but there seems to be something else too.
He opens the door of his apartment with the key and enters.
“Jungkook, you still here?” He calls out but doesn't get a response.
Walking into the living room, he sees Jungkook lying on the couch, seeming to
be asleep. Taehyung is immediately relieved – Jungkook really needed to sleep.
He quietly drops his keys and phone on the table and spots something else.
Picking up the bottle of pills, he opens it to see half of them missing. Then
he looks over to Jungkook, who's sleeping so peacefully and it clicks.
“Shit.” He quickly walks over to Jungkook and checks his breathing. It's
extremely weak. He tries to wake him up by shaking his shoulder but Jungkook
doesn't budge.
“Oh my god.” He picks up his phone and dials 911.
“Hello, 911. What's your emergency?”
 
                                      ϟϟϟ
 
It's pretty much a blur to Taehyung, after the ambulance came and took Jungkook
with them. Calling out Jungkook's name as if that would wake him up but he
wasn't. Arriving at the hospital and being told that he can't go into the
operation room.
He's sent outside and then he's being asked about Jungkook's guardians.
Taehyung calls Yoongi and Hoseok and they arrive too, all of them worried out
of their minds.
The Kim family arrives too after he calls Seokjin and they're not happy to see
him or his friends.
“You son of a bitch!” Seokjin pins him against the wall and Taehyung's not
going to defend himself, he's crying here like a pussy, he's too fucking weak.
“You did this to him!” Seokjin continues.
“I-I didn't do anything to him.” Taehyung mutters.
“Hey, stop this.” Yoongi interferes them and pulls Seokjin away.
“Now is not the time to blame anyone, Jungkook is in danger, alright you
fucking dick?” Yoongi is so angry.
“Who are you?” Seokjin talks back, as if he's disgusted.
“Jungkook's friend. We can talk about this later but not now.” Yoongi motions
for Taehyung to follow him and they leave.
“Stay calm, yeah? He's going to be okay.” Yoongi assures him and embraces him
in a hug.
The doctor comes back after a while, saying that they pumped out Jungkook's
stomach and that he's still unconscious but he's going to be okay even though
he does need psychiatric evaluation because that clearly was a suicide attempt.
And that's okay, that's totally okay. If Jungkook is good, if he's alive then
he's fine with everything.
Hoseok leaves once he's been told that Jungkook is okay, because of his work
and Yoongi, Taehyung and Jimin stay. The Kim family is allowed to go inside
first when Jungkook finally wakes up. When Taehyung does try to go in, the
nurse tells him that he's not allowed to.
“I'm sorry. What?” He asks.
“The patients guardians told us not to let you or your friends inside. I'm
sorry, it's the family's decision and I'm sure it's best for the patient to be
with his family right now.”
Taehyung was too weak to fight back, he'd either get thrown out of here if he
did start an argument with the nurse, with the Kim family or even anybody else
so he just backed off and stormed out of the hospital.
“Hey, what's wrong?” Yoongi ran after him.
Taehyung quickly got out a cigarette, lit it and sucked on it, angrily staring
off into the distance.
“We’re not allowed to visit him.”
“Of course.” Yoongi mumbles.
“Hey, you'll get to talk to him soon, okay? It's going to be alright.”
Taehyung wished Yoongi would be right but he knew he wasn't.
 
                                      ϟϟϟ
 
Taehyung nor anyone else from Jungkook's circle of friends has been allowed to
talk to Jungkook. His family forbid him from doing that. A few days ago Seokjin
came over.
“I need to talk to you.” Taehyung was about to shut the door in his face but he
held it open.
“Come in.”
Seokjin sits down on the couch and Taehyung sTands in front of him.
“Look, I don't exactly know in what kind of relationship you two are-“
“We are in love.” Seokjin chuckles.
“Yeah whatever. You two are boyfriends but not anymore. Jungkook is never going
to see you again, he's not moving back into his old apartment so don't bother
knocking there.”
“Did you even ask him what he wants?”
“Last time we did, he overdosed on sleeping pills so no we’re his family and we
know what's best for him instead of you drug junkies.” Taehyung doesn't even
try to make a move, Seokjin just sucked the energy out of his whole body and
he is feeling so weak.
“So that's it? I'm never going to see Jungkook again?” Seokjin nods.
“Never. Don't talk to him, don't text him, don't come over to our place begging
to meet him. We don't fucking care.”
“Good. Then get the hell out of here.” And Seokjin leaves.
But Taehyung doesn't give up. Of course he was sad for a while – he even missed
his fight but that doesn't matter – but then he realized that it can't go on
like this. He can't just be banned from meeting Jungkook.
So he asks Hoseok for advice – not Yoongi because he would tell him not to do
anything stupid – and he tells him exactly the perfect thing.
“Go and secretly meet him.”
“He's probably not allowed to go out alone.”
“No I mean, secretly get into his room.” Hoseok explains.
“Mhm. Yeah that's good. Thanks for the help.”
So Taehyung gets ready, even makes himself look presentable because he's going
to see Jungkook after such a long time. He's so nervous and happy to finally
see Jungkook. He missed him so much.
When he reaches the Kim’s house, he sees the lights on in the sexpand floot,
where Jungkook's room is. He's been at their house often, he first introduced
himself as Jungkook's friend from school – the last time Taehyung was at school
was five years ago though.
They believed him for a while but then Seokjin somehow found out that there was
no Kim Taehyung at Jungkook's high school. Since then they don't like
especially Seokjin.
After that he always got into his room by climbing up the tree and knocking on
the window. So he does the same thing now, even though he hasn't done this for
a while and almost falls down once but he reaches the window and looks inside.
Jungkook is sitting on his bed and just staring with a dead stare in front of
him.
He carefully moves forward and lightly knocks on the window. Jungkook doesn't
budge, then he raps his knuckles against the window a little harder and
Jungkook snaps and looks around until his gaze falls on the window and then on
Taehyung.
Taehyung smiles meanwhile Jungkook looks terrified but he gets up and opens the
window for Taehyung to enter the room.
“Hey.” He greets but Jungkook looks at him with a sad smile.
“You shouldn't be here.” Jungkook finally speaks and Taehyung has missed his
voice so much.
“Didn't you want to see me?” Jungkook nods and he sees the tears welling up in
his eyes.
“Don't cry. I'm here for you.” He hugs him and runs his hand up and down his
back.
“I'm so sorry, Taehyung.” Jungkook mutters.
“Hey you don't have to apologize for anything. You didn't do anything wrong.”
They sit down on Jungkook's bed after Taehyung calms him down and just
sit there, hands in hands, not talking.
“How are you?” Taehyung asks eventually.
“I'm okay.”
“What exactly does okay mean?”
“Better than before. I still can't sleep but it's getting better.”
“You're getting better. That's good.” Taehyung squeezes his hand.
“What about the Kim’s? Are they good to you?” He nods.
“They've always been good to me. They want to help me but I don't want their
help.” Jungkook licks his chapped lips.
“That's understandable. You're turning 18 soon, you can live on your own then.”
“Look where living on my own got me.” Jungkook huffs.
“I can be with you. I'm always here for you, Jungkook.”
“I know you are, Tae but I need help. I'm not okay, I need medical help and
being together with my drug addicted friends and boyfriend that's not good for
me.”
“Are you saying I'm bad for you?” Taehyung looks offended but Jungkook didn't
mean it like that.
“No it's just the lifestyle you're living and I'm not blaming you or our
friends because I made myself this way, it's my own fault but I wanna stop
because I can't live this pathetic life. It's not going to get me anywhere.”
Jungkook is right, he's so right and Taehyung knows what type of life him and
his friends are living, he didn't even realize that he sucked Jungkook into all
of this.
“Yeah. You're right. This is good for you and I love you and I'll support you
no matter what you do.” Jungkook smiles weakly.
“I go to the psychiatrist and she's really nice and I take the right pills
whenever I need to, Taehyung. You know, I might be okay one day. I just wanna
be happy.”
Taehyung wants that for Jungkook, he wants him to be happy.
***** info *****
okay I just wanted to let y'all know that I'm putting this fic on a hold for
now bc I'm kinda unsure about it....i might continue writing it in the future
but I don't wanna promise anything.
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!