Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/136960.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      James_Sirius_Potter/Lily_Luna_Potter
  Additional Tags:
      Community:_smutty_claus, Incest, Dubious_Consent
  Collections:
      Smutty_Claus_Exchange
  Stats:
      Published: 2010-12-01 Words: 16234
****** Hero Worship ******
by smutty_claus
Summary
     Lily worships her big brother, and James would never take advantage
     of that.
Notes
     Are you the author of this story and just got your own AO3 account?
     Email me at: smuttyclausmods@gmail.com and I will edit the author
     name to reflect your new account!
See the end of the work for more notes
To: siriuslysnogged
From: Your Secret Santa

     Title: Hero Worship
     Author: ginny___weasley
     Pairing: James Sirius/Lily Luna
     Rating: R/NC-17
     Length: 16,000 Words
     Warnings: Dubious Consent, Incest, Underage participants
     Summary: Lily worships her big brother, and James would never take
     advantage of that.
     Author's Notes:  First, I have to thank my awesome beta R., who did
     an amazing job helping whip this into shape. siriuslysnogged, I tried
     to incorporate as many of your kinks and suggestions as I could.  I
     really enjoyed writing this for you, and I hope you enjoy reading it.
September 1, 2016
James stepped back onto the platform after securing his suitcase inside. He was
about to say goodbye to Al when Dad placed his hand on James's shoulder.
"Can I talk to you for a second?"
James rolled his eyes. "Dad. I get it, all right? Listen to the professors,
even the mean ones. Don't sneak out after hours. Don't eat anything Uncle
George sends me except he said I could test it out on the other kids if I
wasn't sure. Tell Neville you all said hello because I am notwishing him love.
Don't agree to take care of any of Hagrid's pets because they'll kill me. See?
I remember it all."
Dad smiled. "That's great. But that's not what I wanted."
"Dad," James whined. "I can't remember any more rules."
Shaking his head, Dad said, "Lily is really upset about you leaving."
"I know." He looked at Lily, who was crying, even though Mum was trying to
comfort her. "But she's always upset about everything."
"I think you should tell her it's all right to write to you."
"But I don't want her to write to me. She'll never shut up. That's why I told
her she couldn't."
"Do you remember when Teddy left for Hogwarts?"
"Erm... A little." It was a lie. He remembered very well how devastated he was
when Teddy left.
"Me too. And I remember you were really upset. Cried the whole time, right?"
Rolling his eyes again, James said, "I was just a little kid."
"So is Lily. She's not much older than you were. And she's feeling the same
way."
James wanted to roll his eyes and say he didn't care. But Dad's words made him
feel as bad as he had when Teddy left. James remembered how hurt he was that
Teddy was too excited to care that James was sad he was leaving. He could still
see Teddy boarding the Hogwarts express, riding off to Hogwarts, leaving James
behind without a second thought.
"Fiiiine," he groaned.
He made his way over to his sister, who was wiping her nose on her top. Mum was
kneeling beside her, rubbing her back to try to calm her down.
"Hey, Lily," he said. "Don't cry."
"Why not?" she demanded. "You hate me."
"I don't hate you," James said. "I'm sorry for what I said. You can write to
me."
"You're only sayin' that because Dad made you."
"No, he didn't. And... Look." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a
galleon. "Remember how, when Mum and Dad were kids, they were in Dumbledore's
Army? And how Aunt Hermione made a bunch of galleons so they could tell what
time they were supposed to meet?"
"So what?"
"So, Dad gave me his galleon. He said it was for good luck." He fingered the
coin for a moment, then handed it to her. "Here. You have it while I'm in
school, all right? I mean, I want it back, but it's yours while I'm in school.
Will that make you feel better while I'm gone?"
Lily wiped her eyes and tried for a smile. "Thanks."
"Yeah. Feel better?"
She nodded.
"Great." He left her and said his goodbyes to Al.
As he was boarding the train, Dad said, "I saw what you did for Lily. That was
really nice."
"Yeah, yeah." He looked at his sister again. She was happily talking with Al.
He was surprised how happy that made him. But if he let Dad know that, Dad
would expect him to be nice all the time. James wasn't sure he could do that
when Lily got annoying. "At least she stopped crying," he said as he got onto
the train.
The first week at school, James got a letter from Lily every day. He was
starting to feel like she was sending him bits of a diary.
Today Dad took me and Al to see the Muggles. I pretended to be sick, but Dad
didn't believe me. So we went and...
The letter went on for pages, detailing every miniscule happening. He didn't
find anything interesting until the letter that arrived on Friday.
...and then Uncle Ron said he was surprised Dad let you have the map, and Dad
said he didn't, and Uncle Ron told him that he saw you with it and you said he
gave it to you but I didn't know what it was so he showed us. I thought Dad was
going to be angry, but he just laughed and said he figured you'd find it and
get into all sorts of trouble. And then Uncle Ron said you couldn't get into
any worse trouble than they got into, but when I asked what they were talking
about they wouldn't tell me, but I think it was about the army. When I get to
Hogwarts, we should start it up again. Rose can make more galleons, I bet.
He stopped reading there. He did not have time to give any thought at all to
Lily's mad plans. And she was mad if she thought he'd spend any time with her
once she got to Hogwarts. As soon as the hat Sorted her, she was on her own.
The letters didn't stop, not even when his friends started teasing him and he
asked her to only send one letter a week. She didn't seem to understand
moderation.
After three months of it, he considered staying at Hogwarts over the holidays,
but changed his mind. It wouldn't stop Lily, and he missed the rest of his
family; Lily wouldn't leave him alone long enough for him to miss her.
When he returned home, no one was more thrilled than Lily. For three days, she
stuck to him more consistently and unshakably than his shadow. At the end of
the third day, he couldn't stand it any longer.
"All right, Lily, I'm going to make a deal with you. If you stop following me
around all day, I promise I will spend every breakfast and every dinner with
you."
She looked confused. "But... you do that anyway."
Damn. He'd thought she wouldn't have figured that out.
"Right. Then... Then every time Al and I need you, you can be our lookout."
"What's that mean?"
"It means that when we're doing something that we don't want Mum and Dad to
know about, you get to make sure they don't catch us. Like you did when we
found the Map, remember?"
"No. I want to help you both."
"That will help us."
"No. I mean, if you're doing something, I want to do it, too."
"But looking out is so much more important. See, if Mum or Dad finds us and
there's no lookout, we'll get into a lot of trouble. But if you're there, you
can distract them. That means, if we don't get caught, it's thanks to you. And
we owe you."
"So..." She thought about it. "So if you don't get caught and you owe me, then
I get to ask for whatever I want?"
He didn't like the sound of that. "Erm... Yeah, I guess."
"You promise?"
"Erm... Sure. Yeah."
"All right, James." She smiled. "I'll be your looker-outer."
James's first instinct was that he made a bad deal. Lily was going to ask him
to enchant all her dolls and make him play with them, or make him swear to be
part of her attempts to revive Dumbledore's Army, or force him to let her tag
along when he visited friends from school the next day and of course she would
tell embarrassing stories about his underpants or something. But when the rest
of the week passed without her constantly underfoot, he decided it was a good
deal after all. And he counted himself lucky that he and Al didn't really need
a lookout; they could get away with things just fine on their own.
The departure back to Hogwarts after the holidays was far less emotional. Lily
just smiled and held up her galleon.
"I'll write you as soon as I get home," she said and hugged him.
James gently disentangled himself from her hold and joined his friends,
threatening to hex anyone who made any smartass remarks.
~*~
August 31, 2019
"Well, it was great while it lasted," James said, flopping onto Al's bed.
Al rolled his eyes as he turned the page in his new Transfiguration book.
"Would you stop? It's not going to be that bad."
"Yeah, it will. I wish Mum and Dad would send her to Beauxbatons instead. At
least then she wouldn't be around to horn into my life."
He didn't look up from his book. "What makes you think she's going to want to?
Believe it or not, you might not be the most interesting thing to her. Shocking
concept, I know, but just mad enough to be possible."
James sat up. "Are you calling me self-centered?"
"Yes."
"Oh." He shrugged. "All right. But I'm still right."
"How can you-"
"She's gonna be in Gryffindor. You know she is. She'll make the Hat put her
there and then I'll never be rid of her. She's like a parasite that keeps
feeding on me."
Al shook his head, but said nothing.
"She's a barnacle."
"She can't be both."
"She is. She's Lily the..." He thought about it. "Lily the..."
"What're you doing?" Al asked.
"Lily..." He gave up trying to find an alliterative term. "Too bad her name
doesn't start with a B. Then I could just add 'the barnacle'. It'd be funny and
accurate. What'd'ya think?"
"I think you're the one obsessing right now and I think I'm tired of hearing
about it."
"Fine." James stood. "But we'll see who is right tomorrow."
~*~
September 1, 2019
James watched as the Sorting Hat slid over Lily's eyes. She looked small
underneath it, but totally at ease. She swung her legs back and forth, kicking
the stool-legs.
James didn't know why they were bothering Sorting her. She was going to be a
Gryffindor. It was obvious.
Actually, it was taking a long time for the Hat to shout out its decision.
There must have been quite the argument taking place, James decided. He could
almost hear it.
I want to be in Gryffindor.
You're much better suited to Slytherin.
Put me in Gryffindor.
You don't belong there.
You put me in Gryffindor, or I'll set you on fire.
That was it, James was sure. The Hat had survived ten centuries, only to meet
its doom at his sister's hands.
After several more seconds, the Hat at last announced its decision.
"HUFFLEPUFF!" it shouted.
"Huff... What?" James asked Al.
"She's in Hufflepuff," he said, clapping along with everyone else.
"So... she's not in Gryffindor?"
Al looked at James as if he were stupid. "No. She's not in Gryffindor. Looks
like you were wrong."
Relieved, James started to clap. Only to realize he was the only one. The next
child had taken their place on the stool, and the Hall was quiet again.
The awkwardness of the moment didn't dampen James's spirits. After three years
of daily letters and vacations full of a talking, interfering shadow, he was
going to be free. Completely free. He saw no reason not to be thrilled.
Until there was a reason.
A month into the year, he started to miss having Lily's constant presence. He
only saw her at meals, in the halls, and at Quidditch games. At those times,
she barely even acknowledged his existence, much less tried to talk to him. He
didn't understand it. He'd spent eleven years wishing she'd just shut up and
leave him alone. But once it happened, he didn't like it one bit.
One morning, when he was on his way to Care of Magical Creatures, or, as he
preferred to think of it, Try Not To Die While Avoiding Hagrid's Monsters
Class, he saw Lily racing across the grounds, going in the opposite direction.
A few meters from him, she tripped and fell, her books spilling out of her
schoolbag.
As he helped her collect her things, he asked, "Did something start blowing
fire from Hagrid's hut? Because I'll just skive off class."
"No," she said, not looking at him as she shoved her books back inside her bag.
"I'm just late for flying lessons."
"You know you already know how to fly, right?"
"So? That doesn't mean I can just be late whenever I want."
"Hey, Lily!" a first-year Hufflepuff boy called from nearby. "Are you coming?"
"Yeah," she called back, hoisting her bag back onto her shoulder. She took off
at a run without even saying 'see you later'.
James watched her go, feeling vaguely annoyed. Would a 'See ya' really have
been so difficult or time-consuming? He shook his head; he was being
ridiculous. Did it really matter that she didn't say goodbye? She was in a
hurry, after all. And even if she hadn't been, did it really matter? It was no
big deal. Nothing to concern himself with.
That was the most of Lily that James saw until the Christmas holidays. He was
surprised at how much he was looking forward to them. Back at home, everything
would return to normal. Lily would shadow him, and it would remind him how
obnoxious she could be, and make him grateful that she was too occupied at
school to drive him mad any longer.
Except it didn't happen.
Every time James expected to see Lily, she wasn't there. She was at a friend's
house, or off on some outing with Mum or Aunt Hermione and Rose, or all three.
He remembered a time when she wouldn't leave the house without asking if he was
coming along, and always decided not to go if he wasn't. But all of a sudden,
she was just gone, and he only knew about it if he asked Dad or Al where she
was.
He tried to figure out why it bothered him, but he couldn't. It was what he had
wanted for a long time. It stood to reason he should be thrilled. Lily was
finding her own identity. She was leaving him alone.
And it frustrated him completely.
Merlin, what was the matter with him? Why was he making a big deal out of
nothing? He didn't know and he no longer cared. It was time to stop it.
Christmas came and went, and the new year arrived. James returned to Hogwarts
with a new outlook. It didn't matter that he hardly saw or talked to Lily any
more than it mattered that he hardly saw or talked to his cousins, with whom he
was nearly as close.
The months passed, and Lily's absence bothered him less and less. By the time
summer arrived, he was used to it. On the train ride home, he decided that all
he had needed was a period of adjustment. He expected things would be back to
their usual way during the summer.
But it didn't work out that way. Al was still his best friend, but Lily had no
interest in spending time with either of them. If she wasn't with Rose, she was
off by herself all the time. During school, James had understood. She had
classes and friends and a life beyond him.
At home, it made less sense. James wondered if she just didn't care, or if she
was avoiding all things related to him. He had to find out.
He knocked on her bedroom door.
"It's open," she called.
Inside, James found her sitting on her bed and looking intently at a piece of
parchment.
"Oh," she said, setting the parchment aside. "What's up?" He voice was
toneless.
"Rose and Hugo'll be here soon. We're going to Diagon Alley. Want to come?"
"No. But thanks for asking." She smiled at him.
"Why don't you want to come?"
She shrugged. "Because I don't."
"You should."
"Why?" She looked politely curious.
"Why?" Good question. "Because... Because then you'll see what Al and Hugo are
getting from Uncle George's shop so you'll know what they're planning to do."
Lily rolled her eyes. "Pretty sure you were behind all the pranks they ever
pulled on me. Anyway, I have a wand now, and Mum taught me her bat-bogey hex,
so if they try anything, I'll curse 'em good and proper." She walked over to
her dresser, her back to him. But he could still see her face in the mirror.
"I don't get it," he said.
"Don't get what?" She moved stuff around on her dresser, as if she were looking
for something.
"Why you won't hang out with us anymore."
Rolling her eyes, she said, "Because I don't want to." She turned to face him.
"So you can go back downstairs and tell Mum and Dad you tried, but I'm just too
stubborn to listen."
"What? Mum and Dad didn't send me up here."
"Of course they did. Otherwise you wouldn't be here."
"I'm here because I want you to come with us."
"No, you don't. Because you think I'm just a barnacle. A parasite that won't
stop feeding off you."
Those words sounded kind of familiar, but he didn't know why. "Why would you
say that?"
"Because you said it."
"I did not."
"Don't lie to me." She walked toward him. "I heard you talking to Al right
before we left for Hogwarts." She stopped inches from him. "I heard all that
stuff about me being a parasite."
Merlin. He hadn't meant for her to hear that. It made his stomach twist with
guilt. "Lily... I'm really sorry. I didn't know you heard that."
"Whatever, James. The-"
"Is that why you asked the Hat to put you in Hufflepuff?"
"I didn't ask the Hat to put me anywhere. It picked Hufflepuff on its own."
"Oh. Well, I'm still sorry."
"No, you're sorry I heard it."
"If I'd known you were listening-"
"You would have just waited until another time."
"No, I wouldn't have."
"I've known you my whole life. Which means I know better than to fall for
that."
"But your whole life, I've been telling you to leave me alone and I don't want
you around. So why, all of a sudden, are you-"
"Because you've never been that mean. You hurt my feelings."
And that hurt him. A lot. He wished he had never said anything to Al. "I'm so-"
"Stop saying that. Just... stop lying to me." She walked away, back toward her
bed.
"I'm not ly..." He paused. Clearly just apologizing wasn't going to work. "You
want the truth? Here it is. I used to not like you at all because you were
really obnoxious. You were always around, and I couldn't do anything without
getting into trouble because of you. At Hogwarts, I'd got used to not having
you bother me all the time. I liked being able to do stuff on my own if I
wanted. I was pretty sure that'd all go away once you started school. I
shouldn't have said what I said. And I really am sorry I hurt your feelings."
A pause. Then, "Fine."
"So, will you come with us now? Because, if you want more truth, I kinda miss
having you around."
"Really." It was a statement, not a question. And it rang with her unbelief.
"Well, as long as you don't go back to stalking me, I wouldn't mind you being
around." He smiled at her.
"Question," she said, crossing her arms. "And be honest."
"All right."
"Are you really sorry, or are you just saying you are because you feel guilty?"
"I'm really sorry."
She thought about it for a long moment, then nodded. "All right. Let's go,
then. Maybe I can find something to slip into Al's food at dinner. Something
that'll make him sprout another head or turn him into a slug."
"And the thing is, I bet Uncle George has both those things."
"A two-headed slug, then."
He draped his arm around her shoulders as they left the room.
~*~
August 5th, 2022
"Where is she?" Hugo asked James.
"Up in her room, I guess," James said. "She takes hours to get ready."
"That's a woman's prerogative," Rose said.
"And that's codswallop. She could just wave her wand, but nope."
"I wish she'd hurry up," Al said.
"Why?" James asked. "You've been to Diagon Alley before. It's not that
exciting."
"But I've never been there after becoming prefect before," Al said. "Mum and
Dad're going to buy me whatever I want."
"Which is a huge change from the norm," James said, rolling his eyes.
"I'm going to buy a pack of Weasley's Exploding Sweets for her for making us
wait," Al said.
"You do that, and she won't be the only one losing teeth," Rose said.
"She's right," Hugo said. "Lily'll punch your face in."
James yawned and stood up.
"Where're you going?" Al asked.
"If it's any of your business, little brother, I am going to pee. We've got
time. I expect I could stand there until my breakfast has completely digested,
and Lily would still be choosing the perfect outfit." He shook his head as he
left the room.
Upstairs, it was silent. No doubt his sister was carefully pondering her
reflection in the mirror. He decided to warn her about the impending mutiny. He
opened the door and stuck his head inside the room.
He was about to speak, but his stomach turned. Lily was dressed only in her bra
and knickers, her hands on her hips as she stared at the clothes scattered on
her bed. Her back was to him, but he could see her reflection in the mirror.
Strands of her hair fell on top of her chest, not quite reaching her breasts.
He could see most of her flesh, despite her clothing. Her breasts were
perfectly round, her nipples straining against the fabric of her bra. They
bounced just a little with her movements as she leaned over to reach something
on the other side of the bed.
He looked down to her knickers, which molded to her backside. When she put one
knee on the bed to help her reach farther, he tilted his head, trying to get a
better look and wondering if the material was going to ride up a little more.
His stomach turned again, with a completely different feeling.
He shut the door quietly and snuck silently to the staircase. There, he
stopped. He couldn't believe that he'd just spied on his sister. Of all people.
And not just spied on her, because that would have been bad, but not horrible.
No. He'd wanted to see more. That was horrible and disgusting. And when did
Lily develop breasts and hips? She was his sister. She wasn't supposed to look
that way, almost like a real woman.
He took a breath. It was a mistake. A one-time, will-never-happen-again
mistake. He was going to go back downstairs and act as if everything was
normal. Because it was. And he'd never have to think about it again.
When he rejoined everyone in the sitting room, he flopped on the couch the same
way he always did.
"Did you see Lily?" Al asked.
"Why do you ask that?" James asked with more sharpness than was necessary.
Al's brow furrowed. "Because if you did, you could have told her to hurry up?"
"Oh." He chuckled nervously. "No. Didn't see her."
"What's the matter with you?" Rose asked.
"Nothing. Just anxious to get out of here."
When Lily was finally ready, Mum, Dad, Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron joined them
and they left for Diagon Alley.
"So," Lily whispered to James, wrapping her arm through his. "Are we gonna do
it, or what?"
When he looked at her, his gaze fell first to her chest. Her robes were getting
a little small; they hugged her breasts closely. He forced himself to look at
her face. "What?"
She rolled her eyes. "Weasley's Portable Plague."
"Oh! Oh. Yeah. By the way, Al's going to try to give you exploding sweets."
"Again?" She laughed.
"I'm going to get some new robes," Rose said. "I'm getting too tall for the
ones I currently have."
"Oh, I'll go with you," Lily said. "Mine are getting a touch too tight."
James pulled his arm from her hold and joined Hugo. "I'm going to buy out all
of Uncle George's stock. You coming?"
"Sure," Hugo said with a shrug. "Anything to put off buying actual school
supplies."
The group stayed separated for the hour it took James and Hugo to buy what they
wanted from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and then grudgingly purchase their books
and new quills for school. The next time James saw Lily, he patted the bag from
the Weasley shop to show he'd got what they wanted, and she beamed at him.
He'd never noticed before, but she had dimples in both her cheeks when she
smiled. It made his intestines constrict a little.
So weird.
And he hoped it never happened again.
He stayed close to Al and Hugo when they returned home. He only parted from
them when Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione decided it was time to leave.
The next weeks passed quickly enough, with James spending as much time with
both of his siblings as possible. He'd never had trouble being alone with Lily
before, but now he preferred to have someone with them. The odd swooping
sensation in his stomach whenever she was around was entirely too unsettling to
allow him to be by himself with her.
For the second time in his life, James was grateful Lily was in Hufflepuff. It
meant that, unless they tried, they wouldn't see each other outside of meals
and Quidditch games.
But it was just like Lily to ruin a perfectly good excuse not to see one
another by seeking him out during dinner the night after they arrived at
Hogwarts.
"Tonight?" she whispered in his ear.
"Tonight what?" he asked.
She looked at him as if he were thicker than a mentally-challenged troll. Which
was just a normal troll, now he thought about it.
"Why'd you go to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes?" she asked.
"Oh! Right."
"Tonight," she said. "After everyone is asleep. I've still got Mum's galleon,
so just tell me what time." She smiled and returned to her own table, sliding
in between Lorcan and a boy James didn't know.
He watched her, slightly annoyed at the way she smiled at the boys and her
tendency to run her fingers through her hair while she laughed at something. It
was what girls did when they flirted with him. Was Lily flirting with them?
No, he decided. She was just being friendly. She was far too young to flirt
with anyone. James himself hadn't had any attraction to girls until... three
hours after he boarded the Hogwarts Express.
His little sister was flirting. With two boys at once. And it looked like they
were flirting back. He wanted to punch both boys in the face.
He shook his head. He had no reason to care. He was going to finish his dinner,
and then they were going to prank the Slytherins, and that was that.
It was very late before James changed his galleon to tell Lily they could meet.
After his roommates were asleep, James took his invisibility cloak and the Map
and snuck downstairs. A few third years had passed out on the couches, but
otherwise the common room was empty.
Using the Map, he navigated the corridors and staircases until he arrived at
the Hufflepuff dormitory. He checked the Map to be sure they were alone. Then,
he looked at his watch and adjusted the time on the galleon to reflect the one
on his wrist. A minute later, Lily emerged. He gave her the cloak; he was too
big to fit under it any longer, but Lily could disappear entirely. She put it
on.
"Are you sure you know the password?" James asked.
"Yeah." She pulled the cloak over her head. "Hugo's such a blabbermouth."
"Great." He checked the Map again. Peeves, Filch and Mrs. Norris were nowhere
near them. He and Lily set off for the dungeons.
James always had trouble remembering where along the plain stone wall the
entrance to the Slytherin common room was. If it were up to him, he would just
walk along saying the password. But fortunately, Lily knew exactly where it
was. He followed her dot on the Map until it stopped.
"Here," James said. He pulled the small package of Portable Plague out of his
pocket. "Uncle George said just pull the needle out, and it'll explode in a few
minutes. Be sure to get it under Scorpius's bed, yeah?"
Lily's hand appeared out from nowhere and took the box.
James stayed in the corridor; he couldn't go into the Slytherin common room
undisguised, and Lily had the cloak. She went a few steps farther, and then
said something he couldn't hear. The stone door slid open. A moment later, it
shut again.
James watched Lily on the Map. She moved between dots with unfamiliar names
until she stopped next to the dot labeled 'Scorpius Malfoy'. He scanned the
area where they were, just to be certain no one was coming. At first, it looked
like they were in the clear. But then he saw a dot labeled Argus Filch moving
in his direction. He wasn't worried; just because he was moving James's way did
not mean that he would continue on that path.
Mrs. Norris pulled ahead of Filch, as if she were running after something.
Then, she stopped. Filch sped up and when he had almost reached her, the cat
began to run again. It seemed like she was going to the Great Hall, but then
she turned and started down toward the dungeons.
Shit.
The common room door slid open again.
"Done," Lily said. "Let's go."
"Can't," James said, looking around. "Filch and his bloody cat are coming. How
is she not dead by now?" He spotted an alcove that he could probably fit into.
He stuffed himself into it, as far back as he could. A moment later, something
large and sorta-soft pressed against him, but he couldn't see anything.
"What the... Lily?"
"Shhh," she hissed. "That stupid cat can see through cloaks, I think."
Lily pressed herself completely against him, trapping James between the wall
and her. He could smell the vaguely fruity scent coming from her. It smelled...
delicious. Or, at least, it made him hungry for whatever she was wearing. He
couldn't pinpoint what it was, and assumed it was a mixture. Just then, he
realized he was spending far too long trying to discern what his sister smelled
like.
James heard Filch approaching. He tried to flatten himself even more and stay
silent.
"What is it?" Filch was presumably talking to Mrs. Norris. "Is it Peeves?"
At the sound of Filch's voice, Lily shifted and her hand brushed against
James's trousers. His cloak lifted; Lily threw part of it over his head, and he
crouched down so that their feet didn't show. He stiffened as she slid her arms
around his waist to, he guessed, be better able to squeeze them both inside the
alcove. Her head was right underneath his nose. Their waists rubbed together,
which was exactly what he didn't need right then.
Flich stood near the alcove, his lantern raised in the direction he was
peering. After a long moment, he swung it around into the alcove.
Lily pressed more tightly to James. He felt his cock start to rise. His
trousers felt like they constricted.
Shit.
He grabbed Lily's shoulders and tried to move her back a step, but she held him
tighter. It was impossible to make her budge without drawing attention if she
wouldn't move on her own, so he stopped. Sucking in a slow breath, he hoped she
couldn't feel the bulge.
"Nothing here," Filch said. He swung the lantern around one more time, then
started to move away. His steps resounded in the corridor. After a moment, he
said, "Come on."
James saw a flick of a tail as Mrs. Norris followed Filch. When James could no
longer hear Filch, he pushed Lily off of him and out of the alcove.
"What were you thinking?" he demanded.
Removing the cloak enough to reveal her face, she said, "That if we got caught,
it'd be detention for a week, and I do not want to spend my nights emptying
bedpans in the hospital wing, thank you very much."
"Got caught? You were invisible."
"Mrs. Norris would have seen me and Filch could've run into me."
"You're mental."
"Oh, stop complaining. If it weren't for me, he would've seen you."
"Ever hear of Disillusionment?"
She scoffed. "That wouldn't have worked. You should be happy I shared the
cloak."
"Happy? Why? Because you..." He could hardly tell her the effect she had on
him. "You..."
"The words you're looking for are 'saved my ass', because that's exactly-"
"You really are mental, you know that?"
"And you're completely overreacting. If it weren't for me, you would've been
caught, and you're acting like I tried to hand you to Filch on a platter."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are. And it's for no good reason."
"I have a reason."
"Yeah? Let's hear it, then."
"Because..." Because I just got a hard-on from your smell and your body pressed
against mine was the exact wrong thing to say. "Forget it. Let's just go."
The next morning, all anyone talked about was the spontaneous plague that
exploded out of the dungeons in the middle of the night. Half of the Slytherin
house were missing at breakfast. They were all infected with pus-filled growths
that grew until they exploded and left trails of fluid from their common room
to the hospital wing. Theories abounded as to who had caused the plague, but
James's favorite was that no one caused it and the Slytherins were just dirty.
"Very funny," Hugo said, sliding into the open space beside James at the
Gryffindor table.
"What is?" James asked.
"Innocence doesn't suit you. I know very well that you're behind this. It's
just lucky for you I had detention."
"Hugo, I promise you, I did not set that plague in your common room."
"No, you probably got Al to do it for you."
"Nope. But it's odd, isn't it, that Scorpius got the worst of it? Isn't he your
worst enemy?"
"If I were going to do it, I'd be a lot more subtle about it."
"'Course you would."
James looked around for Lily. She wasn't with the Hufflepuffs. A couple seconds
more of searching, and he spotted her near the Slytherin table. She and that
boy she had flirted with the day before were standing by the wall. She smiled
at him, twirling her hair around one finger and pulling it straight repeatedly.
The boy whispered something to her and she giggled. She took his hand and
started to walk away.
James wanted to slice the boy's fingers off one bone at a time.
Lily turned and started walking backwards. She tripped and fell, catching
herself on the edge of the table. It seemed like she was apologizing to someone
for spilling their juice. She and the boy hurried away.
"Are you even listening to me?" Hugo asked, pushing James lightly.
"What?" James asked. Then, "Oh, yeah. Of course. You said... something."
Hugo sighed. "Just warn me next time, 'kay? And I want to borrow the Map."
"When?"
"Tonight."
James shrugged. "Sure. Whatever."
Lily slid into the spot on the other side of James. "It'll be any minute now."
"What will?" Hugo asked.
She looked over at the Slytherin table, glee written all over her face.
Figuring his best chance at getting an answer was to watch for it, James also
looked at the Slytherin table.
Four loud bangs sounded consecutively. Black smoke issued from a fourth-year
girl's mouth, slipping through her hands when she tried to cover it. The girl
raced from the Great Hall, leaving a lot of "did you see that?"s and "what was
that?"s behind her.
"Two down," Lily said, looking pleased with herself.
James just smiled and high-fived her.
"Ah, so that's it, then," Hugo said. "You're trying to get rid of our Quidditch
team. Should I worry?"
"Of course not," Lily said. "I'd never go after family. I do have some morals,
you know."
"I don't," James said, smiling.
"We all knew that," Hugo said. "And I'd watch out if I were you. Dad's told me
stories of what teams did to each other back when he was in school. I'm not
above using any of those tricks myself."
"Is that a challenge?" James asked.
"Just a warning," Hugo said.
"And with that," Lily said, "I gotta get to Transfiguration. Placing her hand
on James's arm, she said, "We'll talk later, all right? Later, Hugo."
James's arm felt warm where Lily had touched it well into Charms class. While
he pretended to listen to Professor Flitwick, his mind was on Lily and what he
was going to do about his new and disturbing feelings for her.
First, he decided, he couldn't be near enough to smell or touch her. She might
not have noticed his traitorous erection the night before, but he couldn't
count on her being oblivious a second time. He needed to calculate the minimum
safest distance he'd have to keep away from Lily.
Next, he needed to learn how to knock. Because his not knocking was how this
whole, stupid thing started.
And finally, he needed to stop spying on her. Watching her with other boys was
only adding fuel to an unnatural flame. Sooner or later he really was going to
punch one of them. Or worse. Because he was jealous they were holding his
sister's hand, and he wasn't. Wrong on about three levels. He'd just have to
sit with his back to the Hufflepuffs from then on out.
Charms ended, and James went to Potions, after which was the break. He sat with
his friends by the Whomping Willow. The first thing he did was look for Lily.
He spotted her lying on her stomach by the lake, reading something. She kept
pulling her hair across her mouth, then tucking it behind her ear.
The second thing he did was adjust himself so that his back was to the school.
It was easier to block Lily from his mind that way.
"Hey, James," Lily said, her shadow falling across his face.
In theory.
"What is it?" James asked without looking at her.
"You said you were going to help me. With Hagrid's assignment."
"I'm sure you can figure it out on your own."
"But... you always help me," Lily said. "It's-"
"Exactly. Hagrid's work isn't so tough. You should be able to do it yourself by
now."
For a moment, Lily said nothing. Then, she just walked away.
The next time James saw her, they were in the entrance hall, each of them
headed to their respective classes.
"What was that?" Lily demanded. "Trying to look cool in front of your friends?"
"No, I'm just sick of helping you with stuff you should already get." Saying
nothing more, he brushed past her and continued to class.
A week passed, and in that time, James didn't speak to Lily once. He'd made
good on his promise to himself and didn't watch her across the room either.
It was rapidly becoming obvious to him that that wasn't the best choice. Not
looking at Lily made him wonder what she was doing and with whom she was doing
it. He had to acknowledge that, in all likelihood, Lily was not sprawled on top
of the Hufflepuff table while Flirtatious Hufflepuff Boy crawled on top of her.
Still, the idea that she was smiling at him and touching him made him just as
crazy as if she were.
And worse, he missed her. He missed playing pranks and helping her perfect the
Wronski Feint. He even missed listening to her go on and on about fourth-year
Hufflepuffs as if he either knew those people or cared about them. He missed
showing her the secret passageways he'd found, and how to sneak things past
Filch, and how to get extra house points without actually doing anything to
earn them. He missed telling her how to pass the exams he'd already taken so
she didn't have to study if she didn't want to. He just... missed her.
Fortunately, he didn't lack for distractions. O Level classes and constant
Quidditch practices kept him busy most of the time. It was only at meals and in
the privacy of his own bed that Lily invaded his thoughts. He worked hard to
tire himself out so that he had no time to dwell on her even then.
It worked. The days passed quickly, and soon the Christmas holidays loomed
nearer. He was anxious at the thought of having no excuse to avoid Lily, but
also figured there were a million distractions at home. All he had to do was
make it through another week, and a Quidditch game against Ravenclaw.
After one brutal practice in rain and hail, James slowly trudged his way up to
his common room. He took a shortcut behind a tapestry on the ground floor.
There was little light, but as he walked, he could see two people farther down
the corridor, and it looked as if they were holding each other very close.
He turned and started to retreat. The girl giggled. He froze. That was Lily's
giggle. He told himself to keep going, that it was none of his business, that
if she'd interrupted him when he had done exactly what she was doing, he'd have
been angry.
And then he ignored himself.
When he marched over to them, he could see that they were kissing. Lily's arms
were secured around the boy's neck, and the boy's hands rested on Lily's lower
back.
James was going to murder that son of a bitch.
They must have heard him; they broke apart before he got to them. The stupid
Hufflepuff bastard didn't react, but Lily looked horrified.
"What are you doing?" James demanded.
"Isn't it obvious?" the boy responded.
"You shut it," James said. Directing his question at Lily, he asked, "Have you
lost your mind?"
Lily looked baffled. "Erm... Tom, why don't you go on? I need to talk to my
brother."
"Erm... Sure." Tom kissed Lily's cheek, then slipped away down the corridor.
"What do you think you're doing?" James asked. "You can't go around shoving
your tongue down some bloke's throat in the middle of a corridor. Someone might
see you."
"You weren't worried about that when you were shoving your tongue down some
bird's throat. I remember catching you all over the place."
"That's different."
"Why? Because it's you?"
"Because..." He couldn't tell the truth, but he had already started answering.
"You should know why."
"That's a pathetic argument. If you can even call it an argument."
"Fine." He thought quickly. Lily was watching him with her 'I'm waiting and
you're taking too long' expression. He blurted out the first thing he thought
of. "Because no one is going to think less of me for doing it. But you...
Practically swiping his tonsils out of his mouth and into yours. It's
disgusting."
"It's just snogging."
Snogging. He really hated that she'd said it. Hated even more that she'd done
it. He didn't want to think about it, even if he'd already seen it. "You know I
love you, Lily. But right now... I really wish you weren't my sister."
He jaw fell open slightly. "Because I kissed someone? So what? I'm fourteen. I
can kiss whoever I want and you have no right to be upset because of it."
"I'm not. I'm upset because you're being such a whore."
The slap echoed through the corridor like a gunshot. "Apologize."
That hurt. His face stung. But he wasn't going to let her know it. "I've seen
you falling all over him in the Great Hall. It's just a good thing I came by
when I did. Another two seconds, and I woulda found you letting him fuck you
against the wall."
He pictured her pushed against the wall, her robes opened or just lifted above
her waist, her knickers around her knees, and that Hufflepuff driving into her
over and over again. The sounds that'd come from her, and the faces she'd
make... Just thinking of it made his penis twitch.
And he'd stand in the shadows and watch, even though he'd know it was sick. He
didn't think he'd care.
He was starting to get another erection from the thought of it. He had to get
his mind off it. "The way you're going on..." He shook his head. "Mum and Dad
would be so ashamed."
She swung her fist at him, glancing his face before he caught her arm.
"I'm glad they're not here to see you like this," he said.
Trying to jerk her arm away from him, she said, "You don't have a clue what
you're talking about. Just shut up."
"I don't have a clue? Really?" He didn't know what made the next words come out
of his mouth, but he couldn't stop them. "You think blokes don't talk? You're
the one who doesn't have a clue."
She frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means..." He couldn't say it. He couldn't hurt Lily. Especially not with a
lie. But then he remembered how she'd kissed Tom, how she was all over him, and
how he never wanted that to happen again. "It means that what he says to your
face and what he says when you aren't around are not the same thing. And I
thought you were smart enough to know that."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about that... kid you're screwing around with. That's what I'm
talking about. And if you knew what he really thought of you, you wouldn't be
so quick to defend him."
"And what's he really think of me, huh?" She crossed her arms. "And how would
you even know?"
"He just wants to bang you and be done with it. And you're setting yourself up
for it. Everyone knows it. Everyone can see it. Except, I guess, you."
"James," she said softly. She uncrossed her arms and her defensiveness melted
away. "Stop it. Why are you doing this?"
The look in her eyes made his resolve to make her end things with Tom waver.
But only a little. "I'm trying to help you, but you're too damn stubborn and
stupid to listen."
"No. There's something else." She touched his arm. "You're never a prick for no
reason. If this is because you fell off your broom and hit your head in front
of everyone during practice or something, it's not really fair to-"
"Merlin." He knocked her hand away. "It's not about anything else. I just told
you what it's about. And if you think I'm being a prick, then it just proves
you're ungrateful when I'm trying to help you."
"Screaming at me in a corridor is not helping. And I don't believe Tom is the
way you say he is."
"So you're trusting him over me? I thought we were closer than that."
"We are. You know I love you. But that doesn't mean what you think about Tom-"
"I don't think it. I know it."
"All right. I'll talk to him about it and see what he has to say."
Which would ruin everything. He had to convince her not to. "What the hell's
the matter with you? He's going to lie. There's no way he's going to admit the
truth. He's going to tell you I'm lying, and you're going to believe it. He'll
say he doesn't know what I'm talking about, and you'll fall for it."
"Well, I can't just-"
"Forget it. I can see you're past all reason. And I know why. You've already
fucked him. That's why he's got this unnatural hold on you."
"No, I haven't, and it isn't unnatural. I just want to be fair."
"Right. So after fourteen years, I haven't earned the right to be believed by
my own sister. If you cared about me..." It occurred to him it was a bad idea
to make this about him. "Or about yourself half as much as I do, you'd drop
that slimy bloke and just believe I'm telling the truth. Obviously self-respect
isn't as important to you as letting him shove his cock inside you."
Lily stepped away from him. "Know what? Go fuck yourself, James." She marched
off in the direction Tom had gone.
"Yeah, and you go let your fuckwit boyfriend fuck you," he shouted. "It's what
you want, isn't it?"
She didn't answer, or turn around, or even slow her stride.
James stormed off to his common room and stomped up the stairs to his dorm. He
slammed the door and retrieved the Map. Lily was in the Entrance Hall, Tom
standing near her.
"Walk away," James whispered. "Just keep going."
But she didn't. They stood together for a while, then walked off together.
He cleared the Map and tossed it aside.
He couldn't believe what he had just done. He knew he was a dick for doing it.
What was wrong with him?
He supposed it was normal to be concerned about his sister. All of his uncles
had shown concern for Mum at one time or another. Hugo was protective over
Rose, and he was younger. It was only natural for James to want to keep Lily
from being hurt.
What was unnatural, he decided, were his motivations. What was the matter with
him that he would try to bust up his sister and her boyfriend out of jealousy?
What did he think he was going to accomplish?
All his master plan had done was hurt Lily and make her angry with him. She
wouldn't forgive him. Not unless he explained himself. He was sure of it. But
how was he going to explain this?
Maybe he was just cursed. Cursed to be attracted to the closest living replica
of his Mum. Dad had married someone who looked just like his Mum; James had
seen pictures. Uncle Ron had married someone with a similar personality to his
Mum. It was a family curse.
Except neither Al nor Hugo seemed to be afflicted with it. Which meant that
James was just depraved. It was the only explanation for his preoccupation with
keeping Lily from blokes so he could have her to himself. The only explanation
why remembering the sight of her in her underwear made his cock rise. The only
explanation why he was just a supreme asshole to someone he cared about. She
hadn't done anything to deserve what he'd said, and, as bad as he felt, he
would have said it again if it meant she never looked at Tom again.
He should check himself into St. Mungo's, he thought. He should be with the
other mental patients. And wanting to kill anyone who touched his sister was
mental. Wanting to bang her was even more mental.
This was all Lily's fault. She was probably doing it on purpose. There was no
other reason to press herself so tightly to him when they were hiding from
Filch, no other reason to keep touching him. She was trying to drive him out of
his mind.
But even if that were true, why was he reacting to it? Why did he want to pin
her to his bed and...
Oh, God.
He couldn't think about that. He had to think about anything else.
He could see himself opening her robes, kissing her while his hands explored
her body.
Shit.
That was enough.
She was his sister. His sister. End of story.
So why did he feel the urge to slide his cock into her and...
He didn't care. Clearly, trying to figure it out was only going to make him
think of how soft she was, how she tasted, how she moved when...
And he was done. Just done. No more thoughts of Lily.
He left the dorm and went down to the common room, where there were people to
distract him.
There was something seriously wrong with him. And the only way to deal with it
was not to. It was his last year. He'd be out of school soon, out of his
parents' house, and away from Lily. Everything would be better then.
~*~
December 4th, 2022
James knew he had to apologize to Lily. The whole family was going to be
together for the holidays. If he didn't patch things up with her soon, someone
would find out about their argument, and then Mum and Dad would get involved.
He didn't want that. Lily wasn't talking to him, and he couldn't blame her. But
he was going to try to talk to her the first second he got.
The first second turned out to be late on the night after they arrived home for
the break. Lily was always in someone else's company, and James concluded she
was doing it intentionally. He realized if he wanted to talk to her, he was
going to have to wait for her to go into her room for the night. So that's what
he did.
He watched out his door until Lily went into her room. Then, he waited another
fifteen minutes to be sure she wasn't leaving again. Though where she would
have gone at two in the morning was beyond him, he wanted to be certain.
When she didn't leave, James knocked on her door.
"Yeah?" she asked.
"It's me," he said.
"Go away."
He opened the door.
She turned from where she stood at her dresser, brushing her hair. "What part
of 'go away' did you interpret as 'please come in'?"
"We need to talk."
"I've got nothing to say to you."
"Then I need to talk, and you need to listen."
"Not interested." She turned her back on him and resumed brushing her hair.
When she raised her arm to the top of her head, the sleeve of her blouse fell,
revealing the side of her breast.
He quickly looked at the floor. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things
to you."
She didn't answer, and he was afraid to look up again.
"You've a perfect right to snog whoever you want," he said. "It's not my
business."
"So what's this then?" she asked. "Your way of rubbing it in without seeming
like you are?"
At that, he looked up. She was facing him again. "Rubbing what in?"
"You didn't hear? Tom and I broke up, thanks to you."
It was sick, how happy that made him. But he tried not to show it. "Oh. I
didn't know. What happened?"
"I told him what you said. He denied it, but... I couldn't believe him. I broke
it off. He chased me, told me he was telling the truth, but..."
"Why didn't you believe him?"
"You weren't lying to me. You'd never hurt me like that on purpose."
She might as well have stabbed him straight through his intestines with a
guilt-knife. "Oh."
"Except," she said, walking toward him. "You did hurt me. I can't believe you
said those things to me."
"Me either. I'm sorry."
"Why'd you do it?"
"I just... I just wanted you to stay away from him."
"And talking to me like I'm a human being wouldn't have accomplished that?" She
stopped right in front of him.
He could see the hurt in her eyes. Worse, he could see the top of her breasts;
her blouse was cut low enough to reveal them. He wanted to cup her breasts, and
kiss her breathless. He stepped back, looking at the floor again. "I know. I
was way out of line. I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you like that."
"Then why did you? And don't tell me it was to protect me because there are
about a zillion other ways you could have gone about it. You didn't have to
call me a whore and tell me I'm hooked on his cock."
"I know. I-"
"You've never said anything like that to anyone before. You didn't act like
that when I dated Lorcan last year. Not even when I kissed Scorpius and you
didn't know it was just for a dare. And he's way more likely to hurt me than
Tom ever was. Why now? Why to me? I thought we were-"
"Lily, I can't explain it. But I am sorry."
"Look at me," she said. When he didn't, she grabbed his face and forced him to
meet her eyes. "Look me in the eye and give me an honest answer. I want to know
how you could say those things to me."
He grabbed her hands and tried to pull them from his face, but she wouldn't let
go. "I said I was sorry."
"That doesn't tell me what I want to know."
"Lily." He was getting irritated and a little nervous, as well. If she found
out... "Just drop it. I mean it."
"No. You don't get to overreact and call me names, then say sorry and expect me
to get over it just like that. I want to know why."
"Drop it. Why can't you ever just do that? You always have to be pushy and nosy
and get your way. Not this time. Let. It. Go."
"I won't. You've been shutting me out all year and I haven't done anything
wrong. Then you pull that crap the other night. Tell me why."
He tried to pull her away again. She stepped closer and moved her hands to his
shoulders, where she had a better hold on him.
She was so close, and her hair fell just so, and her chest kept heaving up and
down because she was breathing so hard, and... and she was practically standing
against him; her waist kept bumping into his when they moved.
"Let go," he said. He didn't want to touch her again. Couldn't touch her again.
"I can't-"
"Tell me. It's the only way we can get things back to how they used to be." She
set her lips in a firm line, and James could have sworn they were almost
puckered.
He grabbed her wrists, twisting them to make her release him.
"Ouch." She rubbed her one of her wrists. "Shit."
"Sorry. Didn't want to hurt you." He started for the door.
She cut into his path. "You can't go, yet."
He couldn't believe it. "You never learn, do you?"
"You don't either, apparently. You think I'm going to just give up?"
He didn't. She was just too stubborn to let it go. The only way he could see to
get out of it was to make her too mad to care. "What's it matter, huh? Clearly
I've been an asshole for no good reason. Be glad I'm not imposing my...
assholeness on you."
"I want an answer, James." That set to her lips was back.
"Trust me, you don't want an answer," he said calmly. "I'm doing us both a
favor."
"Bullshit. You're just trying not to tell me what's behind all this."
"And what is behind all this, Lily? You tell me."
"I don't know." She was getting exasperated. "Did some girl break your heart or
something?"
"Yeah. Or something. Get out of my way."
"What happened? I'll curse her for you."
He shook his head. "If you don't move, I'll move you."
She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth for a second. Then, "Tell me what's
going on." She pouted. It was so slight that if he hadn't been staring at her
mouth, he wouldn't have noticed.
"No."
"James-"
"Fine." The argument was going nowhere. And while the decent part of him wanted
to shove her aside and leave, the rest of him wanted to show her exactly what
the problem was. Maybe she'd reciprocate; she had been clingy to him since she
popped out of Mum's womb and maybe that was why. At the very least, it would
end this stupid fight. She probably wouldn't believe him, in which case she'd
be too freaked out to continue the fight. "You want to know?"
"Obviously."
"No. I mean you really want to know? You're absolutely sure?"
She looked at him like she thought he was going to tell her he had a terminal
disease. But she said, "Yes." And that resolved look was back, with that small
pucker to her lips.
He couldn't fight it any longer. He grabbed her face and kissed her.
Lily protested, but it didn't sound like anything more substantial than grunts.
She tried to push him away, but he refused to let go. One arm went around her
waist and pulled her against him. His tongue poked at her mouth, but she kept
it firmly shut. It wasn't until he gave up trying to stick his tongue into her
mouth that she opened hers.
And bit his lips.
It hurt enough to make him release her.
"Damn it," she said, wiping her mouth and backing away from her. "What the
fuck?"
"You said you wanted to know."
"I didn't want you to kiss me." She wiped her mouth again. "What the fuck's the
matter with you? You're my brother."
What a stupid thing to say. "Don't you think I know that? That's why I've been
trying to stay away from you. But you just can't let things go."
She kept wiping her mouth. "That's why... Wait." She wiped her mouth a final
time. "That's why you've been acting like this? You wanted to..." She grimaced.
"To do that?"
"For starters."
"For..." At first, she looked confused. Then, her entire face screwed up as if
she smelled something rancid. "Oh, God. You can not be serious. Tell me you're
not serious, and this is all a sick joke."
He could have said that. He should have. He wanted to. But he didn't say it.
Because he wanted to kiss her again, to feel her beneath him, more than he
wanted to salvage the situation with a lie. He walked to her and put his hands
on her waist. "You wanted to know."
"Merlin." She tried to push his hands away.
He wrapped his arms around her, clasping his hands together behind her back and
preventing her from escaping.
"Let me go," she said.
"I can't."
"You better."
"I want things back the way they were, too."
"There's no getting them back." She pushed his chest, but it didn't loosen his
hold. "Not after you just told me you want to-"
"There is a way. I just... I need to get this out of my system. I have to stop
thinking about... you know. That'll fix everything."
"No, it won't. You just-"
"Remember when we were kids? Back when you were... five or six? You wouldn't
leave the bear Aunt Hermione gave me alone. For years, every time I turned
around, you had it. And you said you wanted it, but I wouldn't give it to you.
Remember?"
"What on earth does that have to do with-"
"But then I got to old for it, and I did give it to you. You never played with
it again. And I think it was because you finally got what you wanted, so it
stopped bothering you."
"What. Does. That. Have. To-"
"And when I wanted my own owl so I wouldn't have to share with you and Al. I
got him, and I still use the family owl. Once I had what I wanted, it... It
wasn't such a big deal anymore. That should work for me again. If I can just
get what I want, it'll go away. I can stop... obsessing."
"Obsessing? You've been obsessing over this?" Then, what he was trying to say
seemed to hit her. "Now wait just a bloody minute. You don't think that we
should-"
"It's the only way."
"No." She tried to pull free.
He tightened his hold. "Listen-"
"No. James you are sick." She pushed his chest. "Get your hands off me."
He pulled her waist flush against his. "One time. That's it. And-"
"Oh my God." She looked as if she were the sick one. "James, I will scream. I
swear I will."
"No." He had to convince her. If he didn't do it then, he might never get a
chance again. "Please. Just one time. After that, things will go back to
normal."
"Oh, yeah. Because it's normal for me to have sex with my brothers. Just ask
Al."
Her sarcasm made him more jealous than it should have, especially when he knew
it was a lie. "It's either this, or we avoid each other for the rest of the
year. I mean, avoid each other completely. Because I can't help it."
"Then we avoid each other."
He'd expected that response, but he still didn't like it. "You'd let me suffer
like that?"
"What you're asking me to do is disgusting."
"I know it's... unusual, but-"
"You're my brother."
"That's why I've been trying to stay away. But it's not working. This is the
only thing that will. There's no other way."
"No, James. No. Now let me go or I will scream and I'll tell Mum and Dad. I
will."
James let his arms slide from her. "I would do this for you. If you asked me
to, I wouldn't hesitate. Because you're my sister, and I love you, and I
wouldn't want you going out of your mind like this. It's the worst thing ever.
And I'd do it because our relationship is worth more than a few... awkward
minutes. I wouldn't want to lose it. But I guess it means more to me than it
does to you. Goodnight, Lily."
She said nothing as he walked away. By the time she spoke, his hand was on the
door.
"Are you..." Her voice was soft and full of hesitation. "Are you sure it's the
only way? Really sure?"
He looked at her. "Yes. I am."
She shifted from foot to foot and her arms moved awkwardly, like she was trying
to decide whether to cross them or keep them uncrossed. "Then... All right."
His stomach jolted. "Excuse me?"
"All right. I'll... You know."
He studied her face. Hesitation was plastered on it. "No."
Her expression turned into surprise. "What? What do you mean 'no'? You just
spent-"
"You're only agreeing because I... It won't work if I feel like I forced you."
"You're not. You were right. You're my brother, and that's more important
than... If it'll get us back to normal, then I... I want to. You're not forcing
me."
"I don't believe you."
She bit her lower lip, still shifting her weight around. Then, she took a
breath and, with a determined stride, marched over to him. She cupped his face
with one hand, leaned up, and kissed him. This time, it was her tongue that
tried to push into his mouth, and he let her do it. She wrapped her arms around
his neck, holding him still. His cock began to thicken, filling his underpants,
straining against the material. Just when he started to return the kiss, she
pulled back.
"Believe me now?" she asked.
In response, he pushed her against the wall, pressing her lips against hers
once again. With one hand, he cupped the nape of her neck. The other slid
underneath her blouse, skimming her cold skin until it caught on her bra. He
stopped kissing her long enough to yank her top over her head and toss it
aside. There wasn't even enough time for him to inhale a proper breath before
his mouth claimed hers, his tongue flicking at hers, over her teeth, engaging
in a push-and-pull with hers.
He rubbed her back, and her skin started to heat up. He found the clasp of her
bra and tried to unhook it. He couldn't quite do it. Was there more than one
clasp? Was he just pathetic? Either way, it wasn't coming loose.
Moving his hands to Lily's stomach, he broke their kiss, resting his forehead
against hers. "Erm... I can't... I can't take it off."
"Really? I'd have thought you've done it dozens of times."
He closed his eyes. She massively overestimated him. "Can you do it?"
"Oh." That trace of hesitation was back. "Yeah."
He opened his eyes and watched as she reached behind her for a second, then she
pulled first one strap, then the other, off her shoulders. The bra fell
gracelessly to the floor. She lifted one of her arms to cover herself.
He took hold of both of her wrists. "No," he said, holding her arms at her
sides. "I need to see you."
Her nipples were pink and flat. Which was strange. He could have sworn they
strained against her bra when he'd first seen them. Her breasts were as round
as they'd appeared during the Summer. They weren't very large; he could tell
one of his hands could hold one without a problem. Unable to resist, he cupped
one. When Lily didn't object, he began to massage it.
"Is this..." he started. "It doesn't hurt, does it?"
She shook her head. "No."
"Good." His cock was pushing against his underpants, struggling to be fully
erect. It was all he could do not to shove his hand down there and give it a
few soothing strokes.
He wanted to kiss her, but he realized he'd just have to stop again; he
couldn't fuck her with her knickers on, and he couldn't fuck her against a
wall. He knew some people did that, but he couldn't understand how that was
possible. Wasn't a girl too heavy?
He slid his hand from her chest to the waistband of her skirt. And kept going,
taking the skirt with him. At her knees, it fell the rest of the way on its
own.
Lily was breathing heavily, like she'd just run a kilometer after swimming for
an hour.
"Are you all right?"
"Y... Y..." She nodded.
"You want me to stop." It wasn't a question.
"No. You said this was the only way and I... And I want to."
He wasn't sure how much of that was the truth. "If you're sure."
"I am."
He'd given her chances to change her mind, and she wasn't doing so. Hesitating
or not, she must have been sure.
He pushed her knickers down to her knees. She tugged them off the rest of the
way.
The sight of her standing there naked, all curvy and nervous and squeezing her
thighs together like she was feeling the same sort of primal ache he was almost
made him come in his pants.
"Come on," he said, pulling her by the hand toward the bed.
"No," she said. "Not yet."
"What? Why?" Was she changing her mind? After going as far as she had?
"You have to... I can't be the only one without clothes."
Oh. Right. He pulled off his jumper and trousers in a quarter of a second. He
didn't remove his underpants; he was sure the slightest stimulation would send
him over the edge.
When he led her to the bed, she went without protest. They stood at the edge;
James was waiting for Lily to climb in, and Lily seemed like she didn't know if
she should get in first.
"I think you should..." James gestured to the bed.
"Oh. All right." She went around to the side, and got on quickly. "Should I...
I should probably lie down." She did so with no response from him.
He wasted no time in joining her. Then, he realized he still had his underpants
on, and he stood up again. When he took them off, he was careful not to touch
himself. It would ruin everything, and he might not get another chance if Lily
had time to think about what they were doing.
His cock leaked precome, but he wasn't worried about it. Once he was inside
Lily, it would all be all right. He was pretty sure, at least.
He placed his hand on one of her legs. "Are you ready?"
"Erm..." She looked like she was considering it. "Think so."
Gently, he pulled her legs apart enough to let himself between them. But she
wasn't at a good angle for him to do much of anything.
"Can you... lift your waist a little?"
"Why?"
"Otherwise, I can't... I need you up a little so I can... You know."
Another moment of hesitation. Then, she bent her knees and lifted her hips.
James tried to figure out where he should aim. It was hard to tell when
everything was inside.
"Well?" Lily asked. "I can't stay like this forever."
"Right. Sorry. Just... give me a second."
"What's the problem?"
"Nothing. I just..." He was just being stupid, that's what he 'just.' All he
had to do was pull her open.
When he did, he found a small, pink thing poking out at him, and an opening
underneath it. Not so hard to tell, after all.
He was still worried about touching himself, but it was the easiest way to make
sure he got into her. He guided his cock to her entrance, and pushed in.
Lily gasped. Her face contorted in a grimace. "Jesus," she whimpered.
"What?" James asked, alarmed. "What is it?"
"It hurts. My God, it really hurts. Stop."
"How can it hurt?" Fuck, was it the wrong hole? How many did girls have?
"I don't know. But it does." She was talking through clenched teeth and she
looked like she might cry at any second.
He pulled completely out, and she inhaled sharply, as if that hurt, too.
"Are you all right?" He laid at her side, propping himself up on one arm.
"No." A pause. "Wait." She let out a breath. "Yeah. It stopped."
"Did I do something wrong?"
"Maybe. It never hurts when I..."
"When you what?"
"When I do exactly what I bet you do to get rid of some frustration."
It had never occurred to James that Lily would feel sexual urges of any kind.
The idea of her masturbating was at once bizarre and arousing.
"Well, I'm bigger than your fingers. Unless... you use something else." Another
equally bizarre and arousing thought.
She turned pink. "It's not that. It's... It's easier because I'm... you know."
"You're what?"
The pink deepened. "You know."
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
She didn't look at him when she said, "Girls... We get... We get wet. Down
there."
"Oh, yeah... I knew that." He remembered Teddy talking about that. "So... how
do you do it?"
"I think about... things."
"What do you think about?"
The pink turned red. "I'm not going to tell you."
Fair enough. "Can you think about it now?"
"Not with you just.. watching me."
"Erm... You want me to turn around?"
"I'm not sure I can do it with you in the room at all."
"So... you want me to go to my room and wait? That's ridiculous."
She rolled her eyes. "This whole thing is ridiculous."
"Would it work if I, you know, touched you?"
"No. I... Not yet. You can once we're... But not yet."
"I can. While you think." He fondled her breast, still wondering why her
nipples were so flat when they hadn't been before. He traced one with his
thumb, and it began to pebble. The pink flush of her flesh started to darken.
He wanted to lick her, to taste her skin, but that might have freaked her out
more than she already was.
He looked up at her. Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted. He kissed
her again, and she started, as if she hadn't been expecting it. He kissed her
jawline, back to her ear.
"Is it working?" he whispered.
"A little."
"What are you thinking about?"
"Shhh."
He rolled one nipple between his thumb and forefinger, pinching it a little to
make it feel like a bite.
She moaned softly, biting her lower lip and clenching her thighs together.
He would have loved to have been able to actually run his teeth across her, but
he still didn't want to push his luck.
"All right," she said at last. "Try now."
He moved to straddle her. "You have to lift up again."
She did. This time, when he pulled her open, there was a glistening liquid at
her entrance. He pushed in slowly, watching her face for signs of pain. She was
warm and, as she had said, wet. Whatever was inside her parted to let his cock
in, only to settle around it again as if it wanted to hold him there forever.
She was tight, too; the farther in he went, the more firmly she closed around
him.
She made a noise, like he'd hurt her. But when he stopped, she said, "No. Keep
going."
He didn't stop again until he was completely in. Her muscles clenched around
him, sending a pulse straight up his shaft. He was surprised he didn't come
right then and there.
When he pulled back, she lifted her waist, as if trying to make sure he didn't
slip out. All it did was make it so he didn't pull back at all. He pushed back,
and she let her waist hit the bed.
Were they moving the right way? It didn't feel right, but he wasn't sure.
"Lie still," he said. "Just... don't move."
He pulled back again. Her muscles felt like they didn't want to let him go.
There was a steady beat around his cock, like he was feeling her pulse in her
pussy. It felt weird. It was different from how his cock throbbed and ached
when he pulled at it night after night.
He pushed in, and her hips rose.
"I said lie still." He wanted to get the hang of it before she did anything to
confuse him.
"I can't help it," she said. "It's automatic."
He pulled back, and her hips moved back toward the bed. He pushed in, and they
rose to meet him. "Is it all automatic?"
"Yeah... I'm not controlling it."
Then that must have been how they were supposed to move, James decided.
He propped himself up on fully extended arms, moving up a little so he could
see Lily's face more clearly. He didn't want to miss any of her expressions.
She bit her lip when he pushed in, and relaxed when he pulled out.
He thought that soon, when she was used to him, her muscles would loosen. But
they didn't. And the constant clenching, and the warm-turning-hot wetness that
surrounded him was pulling him closer and closer to climax.
Slowly, Lily slid her arms around his neck and rubbed his back. "Kiss me
again."
He did, but only for a second. "I really want to..." He kissed the top of one
of her breasts. She didn't object. He licked a path to one nipple. Still
nothing from her. Deciding that since his penis was buried inside her, they
were past asking for permission, he captured it in his mouth.
He let his teeth graze over it. She tasted sweet with a small trace of... what
was it? Sour? Bitter? He wasn't sure. He licked her, trying to decide what he
was tasting.
Lily's hips jerked, and both her hands held his head to her. He did it again,
following it with a soft bite.
She moaned, and her pussy tightened even more. "That... Do that again."
He bit a little harder. "Like that?" he whispered against her skin.
"Just like that." She was breathless, her voice ragged.
It was so arousing.
"Don't stop," she said.
He repeated his actions while stroking the other nipple. Lily's breath came
faster and shallower, her pussy getting tighter and tighter until he couldn't
think about anything besides the feel of her surrounding him, getting wetter
and wetter every time he entered her.
And those moans.
Those long sighs.
He could hardly take any more.
He wanted to kiss her when he came, but all he managed was to get near her face
before he was spilling inside her. Even as he emptied, he could still feel her
pulse racing against his cock. When he was sure he had nothing left, he gently
kissed her, opening her mouth to taste her one last time. Then, he rolled off
of her. Lying on his side, he faced her.
He wasn't sure what to say. So he asked, "Are you all right?"
Lily's breathing was still ragged. Placing one hand on her stomach as if to
steady herself, she said, "I... I don't know."
It wasn't the response for which James had been hoping. "Oh." He paused. What
could he say to make her feel better? "At... at least things can get back to
normal now."
Normal. He wanted to scoff at his own words. What was normal after a bloke
banged his own sister?
Lily's face was expressionless. Her only response was a blank stare at the
ceiling.
"I guess..." What was there to say, really? "I guess I should go."
"Yeah." Her tone was flat. She wouldn't draw her eyes from the ceiling.
He sat up, but couldn't leave without at least trying to reassure her. "Things
will be better now, Lily. I promise."
She blinked, still staring above her. "Goodnight, James."
As he left, he didn't let himself worry. She might need a little more time, but
he was fine. He'd got Lily out of his system, and he was sure everything was
fixed.
And it was.
Until the next morning.
At breakfast, Lily wouldn't look at him. The one time their eyes did meet, she
turned a violent red, bit her lip, and looked away.
James had been prepared for her to find things a little awkward. She'd just
fucked her brother. Awkward wasn't unreasonable.
What he hadn't been prepared for was his reaction. Her mouth was perfect, and
the sight of her biting into it gave him urges he'd thought he'd purged when he
came in Lily. But just her one, innocent reaction to looking at him made him
want to push her against a wall, kiss her, and bite those lips himself.
"You two sure are quiet this morning," Dad said, indicating James and Lily.
James tried to look innocent, and said nothing.
"Don't question it," Mum said. "Just be grateful."
"I don't think so," Dad said. "I've learned that the calm always, always comes
before the storm. What did you two do?"
James looked at Lily, who didn't look at him.
"Nothing, Dad," she said. "I'm just tired."
~*~
James spent the rest of that day and the following three trying to talk to
Lily, or get her to at least acknowledge his existence. She would do neither.
She kept leaving to be with friends, and he had no excuse to tag along.
Besides, he wanted to talk to her in private.
But Lily was never alone. Even when James waited until late at night and went
to her room, he couldn't catch her by herself. She either wasn't there, or she
was having a late-night conversation with Mum.
He was getting frustrated. And he could think of only one person who might have
been able to help him.
~*~
"What's so important?" Teddy asked.
James looked around to be sure they were alone. He had insisted they talk out
by the garden shed; he didn't want anyone to overhear them.
"I've got a problem," James said.
"What sort of problem?"
"There's..." He had to be careful what he said. "There's this girl."
Teddy grinned. "Ah. The worst sort of problem." He leaned against the shed and
crossed his arms casually. "What's the trouble, then?"
"She..." How could he put it? "Well... She's been avoiding me."
Teddy's eyebrows went up. "That's the problem?"
"Yeah. See... She doesn't usually. We used to get on really well. Then I
started avoiding her-"
"Why?"
"Because I fancied her, and I figured she didn't fancy me. But I apologized and
we... we made up." He cleared his throat. "In her bed."
"You...?" Teddy lit up. "You finally got laid?"
James looked around the shed again. The last thing he needed was for Mum to
hear that.
"Now she won't talk to me," James said. "She won't even look at me."
"Maybe she's embarrassed. Girls sometimes are."
"Should I tell her not to be?"
Rolling his eyes, Teddy said, "Yeah. If you want to make it worse. Just leave
her be." He looked thoughtful. "Although..."
James waited. When Teddy didn't continue, he asked, "Although what?"
Teddy shook his head. "Nothing. I was just thinking that maybe she's...
disappointed. But that can't be. You did everything right, didn't you?"
"Right? Yeah, I think so. I mean, I asked her if it was all right, and I told
her-"
"No." He chuckled. "I'm asking if you made sure she was... satisfied."
James was lost. "Satisfied?"
Teddy rolled his eyes again. "Did she orgasm?"
"Oh." That was an unexpected question. "I don't know. Probably. How can you
tell? Nothing comes out of girls, right?"
"You'd have felt it. She would have spasmed around you. And then she wouldn't
have been able to move for a while. She might have been a little sore
afterwards, too."
He thought about it. He couldn't remember any of that happening with Lily. His
stomach turned. "But... there have to be other reasons, right?"
"There could be a million. That's just the first one I thought of."
"Well, what else could it be?"
"I dunno. It depends. Tell me more about her."
Uh oh. "Like what?"
"What year is she?"
He told himself to be careful. "She's younger than me."
"How much?"
"Not much. Just two years or so."
Teddy's eyebrows raised again. "Really? Is she a Gryffindor?"
"No."
"Then how do you know her?"
Shit. "Through Al." That was plausible.
"Oh. Well if she's good friends with him, she might feel awkward because of
him."
"That's not it."
"Is she dating someone else?"
"No."
"Are you?"
"No."
"Does she think you are?"
"No."
"Then she's probably just trying to deal with this. It's tricky when friends
fuck each other. And the closer you are, the trickier it gets. Give her time."
"What if she never gets over it?"
"I haven't yet met the girl who was irrevocably screwed up because she banged a
friend."
"But shouldn't I talk to her? Ask her what's wrong so I can fix it?"
"No. That's the worst thing you can do. She's... fifteen, right?"
"Or close to it."
"And a girl. It's different for them. Don't push her, or it's going to get
ugly."
"But-"
"James. Trust me. Leave it alone. When she wants to talk, she will. Endlessly."
"I don't want to wait. You have no idea..."
"No idea about what?"
He searched for the words. "What just looking at her does to me."
"Sure I do," he said casually. "It makes you want to bang her again."
"How would you know?"
"Because I was seventeen once. So I know. Hell, I bet looking at flowers,
tables and certain fungal growths all make you wanna fuck her. With Victoire, I
always wanted-"
"And we're going to stay away from that topic. She's my cousin." The irony of
his statement was not lost on James.
Teddy smiled. "Right. Sorry. My advice, though? Don't take it out unless you're
by yourself. Leave the girl alone. Just... respect her need not to deal with
you right now. Trust me, she'll thank you for it several times over." He
waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
James sighed. "Fine."
~*~
But it wasn't fine. It was agony. Thinking about Lily wasn't enough any longer,
not now that he'd actually been with her. The feel of her underneath him, the
taste of her skin, the sounds she made... They were no longer theoretical. And
he wanted more.
His talk with Teddy didn't reassure him as he'd hoped it would. On top of the
Why-Won't-Lily-Talk-To-Me stress, he had developed the Is-It-Because-I-Suck-
And-Her-Hand-Was-A-Better-Lover anxiety.
It was going on a week since they'd fucked, and Lily was still acting weird.
Wasn't a week long enough to sort through her feelings and at least talk to
him? He didn't think he could wait much longer.
As it turned out, he didn't wait any longer.
That night, he went into her room. As had become usual, she wasn't there. He
sat on her bed and waited. Unless she slept in the sitting room - again - she
was going to face him and they were going to resolve things.
As he'd expected, Lily didn't enter her room until late. It was dark; he hadn't
lit a light, and she wasn't carrying one.
She closed the door and turned toward the bed. And froze.
"Who's here?" she asked.
"It's me."
"James," she breathed. "What're you doing in here?"
"I want to talk."
She turned on her lamp. Walking over to her dresser and looking at herself in
the mirror, she said, "It's late. And I'm tired."
"We have to talk."
She looked down at something on the dresser. "Another time, all right?"
"When?" He started walking toward her. "You've been avoiding me. You won't look
at me. You always do this when you're mad at me. You-"
"That's not true."
He stopped just behind her. "Then look at me."
She didn't. She started moving the items on the dresser around.
"Lily." He placed his hands on her shoulders.
She pulled away as if he had scorpions growing out of his fingers. But she
still didn't look at him. "Go away."
"Why are you acting like this? Everything would be back to normal by now if
you'd just-"
"Merlin." She finally spun around and faced him. "How can you be so stupid?"
His jaw fell open. He hadn't been expecting that. "What?"
"Back to normal? How can anything ever be normal again? You're my brother. And
we... we had sex. Obviously that changes everything."
"No, it doesn't. All we have to do is-"
"Is what? Pretend it never happened? Believe me, I'd love to. But I can't.
Every time I think about you, I feel like I'm going to be sick."
He couldn't believe what she was saying. He was sure he wasn't hearing her
correctly. Or maybe she just wasn't saying what she actually meant to say. "Wh-
What?"
"I was right. It was a disgusting thing to do. I never should have-"
"Stop. Please." Her words hurt. He had to make her change her mind. "Maybe you
just feel that way because it was the first time. And if we-"
"Shut up. There will not be a second time."
There had to be another reason she was saying those things. She can't have
meant them. It was probably just her way of lashing out because she didn't know
how to accept what she felt for him. She'd fucked him; she must have felt the
same way about him as he did about her. And now she was trying to hurt him
because she didn't like it, the same why he'd hurt her when he didn't like his
feelings.
"It's all right," James said. "We'll work through this together. And next time,
it'll be better for you. I think the first time that you didn't... orgasm. And
this time you can tell me what you do to yourself so you'll be sure to-"
"Oh my God. James. Listen very, very carefully. What we did will never, ever
happen, ever again. It was the worst thing we could have done. I thought I
couldn't feel any sicker, and then you just said... You just suggested... I
don't want it 'better'. I want it nonexistent."
His stomach turned. "You can't be serious."
"Do I look like I'm kidding?"
"But, Lily, think about it. We-"
"I don't ever want to think about it again."
"Lily. Listen."
"I don't want to hear anything you've got to say. I'm done listening. And I'm
done talking. Get out."
It wasn't right. Lily idolized him. She was supposed to do whatever he said.
She always had. Even if she fought him first, she always gave in. He wasn't
going to let that change during the most important conversation they'd ever
had.
"When he were kids," he started.
"We're not kids anymore," she said.
"Right. We're not. That's why we can handle this. It's weird, I know. But
you'll get used to it and-"
"You're not getting it, are you? I want you out of here. Now. Forever. Get
out." Her voice was getting higher. In a minute, she'd be screaming.
He grabbed her wrists and pulled her against him. "No. I won't just leave it
like this. And I won't let you pretend you don't want this as much as I do."
"I don't want-"
Tangling one hand in her hair, he held her head still while he kissed her.
She bit him immediately, digging her teeth into his lip until he let her go.
Before Lily could do anything else, James grabbed her upper arms and swung her
around so her back was to the bed. He shoved her, and she stumbled back,
falling onto the bed. She bounced once before she tried to get up, but James
was faster. He held her arms down, preventing her from getting up.
"James, if you don't-"
"Stop fighting me," he said. "I promise it'll be fine. And we'll be closer than
we ever were." He slipped his hand under her shirt.
She started screaming. He clamped a hand over her mouth to stop her. She pushed
him back, using her legs to kick out and stop him from coming any nearer.
He fell off the bed, landing hard on his butt. He looked up at her. She was
terrified and furious, but the worst of it was the disgust in her eyes. He'd
seen it before, but he'd never put it there. Until he tried to...
"Oh, God," he said, pushing himself to his feet. "I... I'm sorry, Lily. I don't
know what I was thinking. I-"
"Get out of here." The fury and disgust extended to her voice. "I mean it. Get
out, or I'll tell everyone and-"
"I'm leaving," he said, moving toward the door. "I can't believe... I'm so
sorry."
He looked at her before he stepped out. She hadn't moved, and her expression
hadn't change. He wondered if she changed after the door clicked shut.
He leaned against it. What the fuck was he thinking? He'd almost raped his own
sister. If she hadn't fought back, he would have.
James couldn't process what he'd just done. But he did know what he needed to
do next.
He went to his room and grabbed his suitcase.
~*~
"Don't you want to at least wait until the morning?" Al asked.
"No. I need to go now," James said.
"But what about Mum and Dad? And Lily?"
"I left Mum and Dad a note, and it's not like I'm going to strangers. I'll stay
with Teddy, or Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione, or someone else the rest of the
holidays. One of the perks of having a big family? You always have options. And
I'll see you on the way back to Hogwarts."
"But I don't get it. Why are you leaving?"
"It's complicated. But I need to get out of here."
"You should at least say goodbye to Lily."
"No." He couldn't face her. And he was positive she didn't want to see him,
anyway. He had to leave. And he had to do it without a fuss. He was sure it
would be easiest for her that way. "I'll see you later."
Al didn't look like he liked it, but he said, "All right. I'll see you."
Once James was outside, he looked up at Lily's window. The light was still on.
He wondered if she was awake, fearing that he'd come back. He stood there until
the light went out.
Sighing, he walked down to the sidewalk. He looked back at the window. He hoped
he was doing the best thing for her, and the right thing for both of them.
He turned his back. With a soft pop, he Disapparated.
End Notes
     Please review here.
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!