Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/12459270.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      방탄소년단_|_Bangtan_Boys_|_BTS
  Relationship:
      Jeon_Jungkook/Kim_Taehyung_|_V
  Character:
      Kim_Taehyung_|_V, Jeon_Jungkook
  Additional Tags:
      Slice_of_Life, Alternate_Universe, Summer, Unrequited_Love, Angst_and
      Fluff, Blow_Jobs
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-10-23 Words: 4645
****** here if you want ******
by hoesthetic
Summary
     He likes going to grocery stores with him, pretending to be a lot
     more domestic than they actually are. Seeing the shades of brown in
     Jeongguk's otherwise black hair underneath the yellow lights of the
     corner store.
     It feels like with every step he takes, the deeper he falls.
Notes
     the underage scene is consensual with a 19 yo & a 17 yo, warning's
     just to be safe.
     additional warnings for smoking & mentions/talk about drowning,
     mostly just metaphors. aand unbetaed as always lol
     !!! a huge shoutout to emma for letting me send shitty notes
     screenshots of this piece of bs. lov u bub
The summer is warm. Sweaty skin and breathless laughs but—
Taehyung is selfish.
He realizes this with a hazy gaze, half lidded eyes and a nasty smell stuck to
his fingers (he should cut the smoking). Taehyung is selfish, he is jealous,
and he wants to keep the things he touches.
He knows that if finding happiness were that easy, everyone would be happy —
loving their close ones, content and pleased. Taehyung wants Jeongguk to be
happy but he is selfish. Children with siblings, most of the time, have learnt
how to share but maybe that’s the curse on Taehyung, because for once he didn't
have to share, it’s so hard to let go.
But really, it's not like Jeongguk is his. He isn’t. Taehyung just hopes that,
that’s enough for him to be way too attached.

Selfish. Embarrassed. Ashamed.
Taehyung doesn’t want to feel this way.
 
It’s a bit dumb but at this point, Taehyung measures his life by the people he
has had around. That means the time before Jeongguk, the time after Jeongguk
and somewhere in between.
(What he doesn’t tell is that Taehyung knows that people are temporary, and
eventually he will measure the time with someone else. Maybe it’ll be Jimin.
Maybe it’ll be someone he doesn’t know yet.)
It has become a joke after he had admitted it. Drunk and so out of it, so
naturally Jeongguk didn't take it seriously and Taehyung is thankful. It’s
stupid to depend on people like that, he knows.
The time before Jeongguk was from birth to 16 years old. The time after
Jeongguk will be a time Taehyung doesn’t look forward to but it’ll come. Now,
it’s somewhere in between.
During somewhere in between Taehyung fell in love. But even though great poets
say so, it wasn’t worth the risk and it doesn’t feel good. 
The butterflies make Taehyung mainly nauseous and it’s distracting. How much
easier it would be if Taehyung could not be selfish, ignore his feelings and
just stick with the ridiculous label of a best friend.

Taehyung is selfish. Taehyung is so selfish and he feels dizzy. Drunk on his
pathetic emotions and Jeongguk looks so pretty when he smiles and his teeth
show and eyes crinkle and all Taehyung wants to do is to kiss him so hard it
hurts.
Pain is just a temporary feeling but it’s powerful. Sometimes it leaves a mark,
a scar. The basic things everyone knows, about scar tissue and bandaids.

That’s all about it. Taehyung is selfish, in love with Jeon Jeongguk and so
incredibly embarrassed. He is nineteen and he is trembling. It’s summer, he is
drowning. 
 
. . .
 

The hopeless romantic Taehyung is, he feeds off on those moments of cliches he
can share with Jeongguk.
Things like laying underneath the night sky. It should be the summer of
Jeongguk’s life — he is going to be 18, after all. Taehyung has a grin on his
lips, staring up towards the dark sky that stretches so far away that he almost
feels infinite.
The pollution doesn’t ruin the view here in Geochang and Taehyung will be
forever grateful even though the spring, the fall and the winter is spent away
in the city. The countryside is something he wants to treasure until the end.
“How do you feel?” Taehyung breaks the silence with a vague question, not even
glancing towards Jeongguk. The younger one makes a confused sound, asking,
“About what?”
“I don’t know,” Taehyung laughs softly and rolls his eyes, ”In general, I
guess. How are you?” He sort of rephrases.
“Oh,” Jeongguk says dumbly. “I’m fine, I think. I don’t want the summer to
end.” By the sound of the grass rustling, Taehyung supposes Jeongguk shrugged
his shoulders. The older boy hums in agreement.
“Same. College is pain in the ass, the bad kind,” he sighs and turns to his
side and looks at Jeongguk’s side profile, the curve of his nose and parted
lips. The horrible feeling twists in his stomach, the mixture of adoration and
melancholia. I want you, the feeling says. But feelings aren’t his brain so
Taehyung shuts up.
He swears he can see the reflection of the stars in Jeongguk’s eyes. 
“Mm, I miss you. Like, it’s not like we ever shared a class anyway but it’s
still strange, not seeing you daily.” Jeongguk speaks, the sincerity in his
tone. The grin that has melted off Taehyung’s face already almost returns but
mimicking the tone of his voice, it’s more sincere, heartfelt.
Best friends. Best friends. Taehyung repeats in his head. He is so selfish.
“I miss you too,” Taehyung says, thankful that his voice doesn’t crack with the
sudden urge to burst into tears. 
“You have just one year left, though,” he reminds the younger one who laughs
breathlessly.
“Thank God.”

Taehyung doesn’t say anything, just reaches and takes out the packet of
cigarettes he has squashed in the pocket of his sweatpants.
“You should quit,” Jeongguk says. Taehyung rolls back on his back and puts a
cigarette between his lips, lighting it with his faded orange lighter.
“Why?” Taehyung asks after he first drag. It’s obvious why but he needs to hear
it in order to believe it, repeated until he actually does quit. 
“It’s bad for you, duh, and your clothes stink. No one will want to kiss you,
hyung,” Jeongguk says and the older one laughs bitterly.
“As if anyone wants to kiss me anyway,” he snorts, takes another drag and lets
the bitter tasting smoke fill his mouth, then lungs.
“Shut up. It’s not a secret that boys in Hongdae drool after you,” Jeongguk
says amusement in his voice. Taehyung almost flushes but not really, he just
ends up coughing on the mouthful of smoke.
Taehyung knows that it’s true, and that’s the most stupid thing about it, the
frustrating cliche of wanting someone you can’t have when you could have
literally anyone else. He feels selfish. He is selfish.
“Please.” Taehyung laughs but it’s way more quiet. 
“You’re the heartthrob out of us anyway,” he adds. Glancing at the younger one
just to see him blush.
“'M not,” he mumbles. He is so cute, so adorable and Taehyung wants scoop him
in his arms and hold him, kiss him— He shouldn’t think about it.

After that they lay in the silence. Jeongguk doesn’t complain about the smoke
and Taehyung tries not to feel bad about it. It’s hypocritical of him to thank
the lack of pollution but fuck up the air with the dumb cigarette smoke. 
Taehyung closes his eyes. If he were a bit better, he’d imagine the stars above
him and the warm summer breeze but instead it’s the warmth of Jeongguk’s skin
and the reflection of the stars in his eyes as blurry pictures behind his lids.
The stars look pale compared to the younger one anyway.
 

. . .
 

The market is fairly quiet even at its busiest hours when you compare it to the
rush of Seoul. Jeongguk seems amazed by this while Taehyung just knows that by
having grown up here.
Jeongguk, still, is just a visitor. It still feels a bit strange that the
younger boy actually wanted to spend his summer at Taehyung’s grandma’s place
with him. But they’re friends after all, and Taehyung shouldn't blow things out
of proportion.
”There isn’t really much to do around here,” Taehyung says and shrugs his
shoulders. His dialect is pushing through his words again and while in Seoul he
tends to be ashamed because of it, now it feels comforting. It’s home.
Jeongguk just laughs.
”Don’t worry about it, hyung, it’s what I expected,” he says and smiles
sweetly. Taehyung returns the smile and ruffles the younger boy’s hair, minding
not to come off as too affectionate. It’s the thing he hates about this, how on
edge he is and overthinking his every move, what if Jeongguk notices and
everything is over? Ruined and done.
”Let’s get some ice cream, shall we?” Taehyung says then. ”I know a great ice
cream place.”
”Of course,” Jeongguk says, an exaggerated gasp and feigning being offended,
how could Taehyung even ask when the obvious answer is yes. 

Turns out, over the past year the shop has been closed down. It’s stupid and
maybe he is a bit too sensitive but it hits home. The strange nostalgia is
washed away.
Jeongguk notices this, of course he does. He wraps his hands around Taehyung’s
body as he stares at the building, backhugging the older boy. He bites his
lower lip, always too emotional.
It’s frustrating because Taehyung doesn’t know why. It’s a goddamn ice cream
store and nothing else but nostalgia and childhood have always made him feel
some sort of way. Maybe it’s the part of him that's hesitant to grow up yet.
Taehyung clears his throat and shakes his head, it’s fine.
“Let’s get them from a grocery store, then,” he says and turns around, Jeongguk
letting go of him. Taehyung doesn’t think about it, the warmth of Jeongguk’s
chest. He doesn’t. Taehyung is smiling, feeling some sort of relief when the
younger boy returns the smile.

Taehyung adores spending time with Jeongguk. Simple. He likes going to grocery
stores with him, pretending to be a lot more domestic than they actually are.
Seeing the shades of brown in his otherwise black hair underneath the yellow
lights of the corner store.
It feels like with every step he takes, the deeper he falls. Like he is walking
on a downfall, going towards the pit where everything is dark and hurts more.
Maybe Taehyung is a masochist. Maybe he gets off on that emotional pain. Maybe
not. Maybe Taehyung has always felt a little too much and loved a lot too much.
 
. . .
 

During the week Jeongguk has been there, they have created this sort of a habit
staying out a bit too long. It’s not like they have a curfew or anything, and
they can sleep till noon anyway.
And both of them love the night a lot better than the daytime, for some reason.
They are by a small lake, Taehyung swinging his legs over the edge as they are
sitting on the dock. It’s calm, must be past midnight agin, and there’s no
sounds of traffic to distract them.
“Hyung,” Jeongguk breaks the silence and Taehyung turns to look at his with a
cocked brow. 
“I wanna swim.” He announces.
“What?” Taehyung says dumbly and the younger one rolls his eyes and sighs. 
“Swim,” he repeats, “Skinny dip, before you say anything about swimwear.”
It’s a warm night and Taehyung is sweating in his t-shirt and shorts. He opens
his mouth, closes it, opens it again, like a gaping fish.
“A-ah, okay,” Taehyung says and apparently that’s enough confirmation for the
younger one because he stands up. He takes off his t-shirt in a swift motion
while Taehyung is still staring before he snaps out of his haze.
Taehyung gets up and by the time he is sliding off his underwear, Jeongguk is
jumping into the lake and the older one swears he doesn’t blush from the view
of his backside.
He follows after the other one — because that’s what he does, always — letting
out a shriek when he hits the chilly water. Jeongguk laughs at him, his voice
clear and loud, echoing around. It fills his chest with so many complex
emotions, Taehyung feels weak.
He dives underwater, quite pleased that the younger one suggested the swimming
because it’s nice, the water rinsing off the sweat. Coming back up he shakes
his head and runs his hand through his wet hair, looking around for Jeonguk.
It’s not difficult to spot him, moving his hand around at Taehyung.
The older boy swims towards him with a grin on his face, enjoying the freedom
of it all. It’s theirs, their private moment and no one can ever touch it. It’s
Taehyung’s, and Jeongguk’s, of course, to keep. Looking at the younger one,
something sparks in his chest once again.
His dark hair is wet as well and a wide smile is plastered on his lips, soft
laughter falling from them. And for a moment, Taehyung lets himself imagine. If
things were how he wishes, he could swim to the younger one and pull him
underwater, kiss him on the lips, holding his face gently. It’s that kind of
bittersweet pain.
If Taehyung could kiss Jeongguk right now, just as who they are, he’s sure it’d
taste so bittersweet.
But Taehyung is a coward, or a rational person, so he doesn’t kiss him. He does
pull Jeongguk underwater though, holding his head there while laughing and then
letting go. He comes back up with an offended expression on his face.
“Hey!” Jeongguk yells and slaps Taehyung’s shoulder who just laughs in
response.
He doesn’t let his gaze linger on Jeongguk’s wet shoulders. He has grown up,
broader than before, and Taehyung knows that anyway. He likes to walk around
without a shirt, to both Taehyung’s joy and misery.
Taehyung’s gaze does slip to Jeongguk’s lips though and his mouth runs dry. 
“Is there something on my face?” The younger one asks, motioning towards his
face with his hand. Taehyung’s eyes snap to meet his gaze and he laughs
quickly, nodding. Taehyung lifts his hand and pretends to brush something off
from the corner of his lips with his thumb.
“There you go,” Taehyung hums and drops his hand, “A rip of a leaf or
something.”
Jeongguk’s eyes widen a bit.
“Oh, thanks,” he says, so painfully oblivious Taehyung wants to scream at his
face, why won’t you get it, so he’d never have to tell him. It’s a frustrating
situation — he wants the other one to know so they could just get over and done
with it but it’s also his worst fear. It could ruin everything.
Taehyung grins and backs further away and dives underneath the surface again.
The thing about drowning, apparently it hurts like hell before you start to
lose consciousness. He isn't suicidal by any means but holding his head
underwater, it's a thought that pops up - as a metaphor, he supposes. Getting
numb to the pain until it stops. 
All of this is making him way too poetic. Or maybe it's the college. 
 

. . .
 

Jeongguk sits down on the edge of Taehyung’s bed when they return to his
place after hanging out. His grandma is out as well and the house seems a bit
too quiet, afternoon sunlight falling through the blinds. 
Taehyung glares at Jeongguk for a while before he blurts it out with absolutely
zero filter, ”That’s where I sat when I got head for the first time.”
The variety of emotions that flash on Jeongguk’s face is pretty amusing and
it’s nothing new that Taehyung is pretty shameless, so he just nods his head in
affirmation.
“Really?” Jeongguk asks and furrows his brows, looking down to the bed.
“Yup,” Taehyung confirms and plops down to the floor to sit there.
“Weren’t you kinda young then? Since you only grew up here?” Jeongguk seems
legitimately confused and Taehyung laughs softly.
“I was 16, just before we moved to Seoul. He gave it as a farewell gift, I
suppose.”
“Woah,” Jeongguk breathes out and the older one doesn’t know if it’s amusement
or what but he just shrugs his shoulders.
“I wish someone would give me head as a farewell gift. Or in general,” Jeongguk
says and Taehyung snorts loudly.
“You’re nasty,” he huffs.
“‘M not. Honestly, I’d be happy to get some now.” Jeongguk admits before a look
of regret flashes on his face again. Taehyung raises his brows.
“Are you serious?” He asks, trying to repress the feeling rising in his gut.
Jeongguk shrugs.
“I guess,” he murmurs.
“What do you feel about brojobs, then?” Taehyung asks after a moment of
silence, his cheeks feeling a bit warm. He is selfish, he is selfish. “Like no
homo. Except we kinda are but not for each other.” A lie.
“Are you for real?” Jeongguk seems a bit dumbfounded and Taehyung rolls his
eyes before he mouths, yes. 
“You probably suck at it anyway, no pun intended,” Jeongguk adds after a while.
Taehyung gasps, offended.
“Don’t you dare to insult my skills like that!” Taehyung says but there’s a
tone in his voice that gives it off that he isn’t serious. Even though Taehyung
really would love to suck the younger one off, just because he is selfish. And
if Jeongguk wants to get off, why not.
“I’m just saying.” Jeongguk crosses his arms and looks down at Taehyung who is
still sitting on the floor across the room.
“You brought this on,” Taehyung huffs before he moves and crawls on all fours
to Jeongguk, “Let me prove it to you, my man.”
He looks up at him, seeing the faint blush on Jeongguk’s cheeks.
“If you want to,” Taehyung adds because he is not that selfish. The younger one
sighs before he nods and smiles nervously, bunny teeth and all.
“For science.”
Taehyung tries, he really does, to just think it as what it is — a brojob.
Jeongguk doesn’t see him as anything else but a friend, he doesn’t doubt that.
But he also knows that he is attractive so maybe there’s a chance that the
younger one will be turned on by the sight, or maybe he’ll imagine someone
else.
Taehyung’s mouth is dry as he rubs his hands over Jeongguk’s spread thighs. He
cups his crotch with slightly hesitant hands, not quite believing that this is
really happening. He undoes the button and opens the zipper of Jeongguk’s
shorts, sliding them down with anticipation and nervousness swirling inside his
stomach.
Taehyung rubs his - surprisingly - half hard cock through his underwear, biting
his lip. 
“Big boy,” Taehyung teases with laughter on his voice and Jeongguk groans as a
response, embarrassed.
“Shut up.”
Taehyung giggles and leans in to mouth him through the fabric, not knowing if
he should keep up the act of the exaggerated platonic relationship or just let
himself feel better for a while, and pretend that Jeongguk wants him and just
him.

Taehyung slides his black boxers off after getting him to what seems like
proper hardness, glancing up at the younger one. He isn’t really looking at
Taehyung but it’s fine. It’s fine.
He closes his fingers around his shaft after spitting on his hand since, well,
going dry isn’t the most pleasurable thing unless you’re a masochist. Taehyung
gives Jeongguk’s cock a couple of lazy, sloppy strokes before he leans in and
closes his lips around the tip.
He can hear Jeongguk’s breath hitching and Taehyung smiles around him faintly.
He swirls his tongue around the tip and swiping it across the slit, pressing
his own thighs together when he hears Jeongguk moan softly. He fondles his
balls with his hand as he drops lower just to pull back again, starting to bob
his head.
Taehyung is ridiculously aroused considered that his cock is completely
untouched, so maybe the thing about that sex is so much better with someone you
love, is true. Even if the feeling isn’t returned.
Taehyung lets out a soft moan around Jeongguk’s cock when his lips twitch
upwards. He isn’t exactly vocal, not a screamer or anything close to that, but
he is letting out these soft gasps and breaths and Taehyung is shaking.
“Fuck...” Jeongguk groans quietly while Taehyung proceeds to take him deeper in
his mouth, till the head hits his throat. Taehyung shudders. He’d ask him to
fuck his mouth if the situation was different, if it wasn’t that goddamn brojob
kind of space and time.
Taehyung returns his hand to the base of his cock, gripping tightly, pulling
his head back to suck on the tip again. He prefers messy, using a lot of spit,
and the wetness makes the slide so easy. Taehyung lets his teeth catch onto his
sensitive skin gently but doesn’t push it even though Jeongguk’s hips jerk
violently and he lets out yet another gasp.
Suddenly there’s a hand in his hair, gripping tightly even though Jeongguk
isn’t pulling it nor moving his head by it. He is just simply holding it but it
makes arousal spike up in Taehyung’s gut.
It doesn’t take that long before Jeongguk gasps out, ”Oh God, I’m close.”
Taehyung doesn’t comment on it, just speeds up his strokes with his hand and
sucking harsher, moving his head as well. At this point Jeongguk is tugging his
hair but doesn’t pull him off and Taehyung is somewhat grateful. His jaw is
sore and eyes a bit teary but he’d still keep going on longer if he could.
Jeongguk’s hips shake violently as he comes, bucking into his mouth and heavy
moans falling from his lips. Again, Taehyung shakes, especially when his mouth
fills with the younger one’s cum and he feels nasty but in the most lovely way
possible. Dizzy. Drunk on arousal or maybe it’s the emotions, again.
Taehyung sucks him through the aftershocks before Jeongguk nudges him to pull
off. His hand has left his hair and Taehyung kind of misses it there. He coughs
softly, the salty taste on his tongue even after swallowing.
”Sorry for pulling your hair, hyung,” is the first thing Jeongguk says after
coming down, smiling sheepily. His face is flushed and he looks so fucked out
and so pretty. Taehyung waves it off with his hand.
”S'fine,” he mumbles, voice a bit hoarse.
Taehyung tilts his head to the left to crack his neck, not looking at Jeongguk.
It feels kind of inappropriate, and he is just afraid he would end up staring.
Jeongguk clears his throat. 
”Should I?” He asks and Taehyung glances at him briefly.
”Should you what?” Taehyung asks.
”Return the favor.” Jeongguk explains, not as flustered as Taehyung thought he
would be. His own lips form a small o-shape and he nods a bit dumbly.
”If you want to,” he laughs, lifts his hand to scratch his neck. Jeongguk rolls
his eyes and offers his hands to pull Taehyung up. The younger one’s hands are
warm and soft, Taehyung's knees shaking and he isn’t quite sure what is the
reason causing it.
Jeongguk pushes Taehyung to sit down on the bed and drops down to the ground
himself. He swallows the lump in his throat, the confusion hitting him once
again. It’s really happening, that’s Jeongguk’s hand feeling him through his
shorts.
Taehyung is embarrassingly hard after that, precum sliding down the side, but
thankfully Jeongguk doesn’t comment on that. Taehyung pretends to close his
eyes but through his lashes he glances at the younger one. It’s subtle enough,
especially when Jeongguk has his gaze down himself.
Taehyung’s hips jerk when Jeongguk closes his fist around his cock and he knows
he won’t last long. It’s all too much, the warmth of his palm, his mouth when
he finally leans in. He is so in love, it hits him with a full body shudder and
he can’t help but moan.
The sound of Jeongguk sliding his mouth up and down on his cock has Taehyung
toes curling and so does his hands, gripping his bedsheets next to him. The
blurry sight of Jeongguk with his cheeks hollowed, dark hair falling onto his
forehead, makes him whimper and it takes everything of him not to moan
Jeongguk’s name. Apparently it’s not enough because when the tightness in his
lower stomach gets too much, he can’t really control his tongue.
”Jeongguk, Jeongguk, I’m gonna come,” Taehyung whimpers, trying not to buck
into the younger one’s mouth. It’s so overwhelming. Jeongguk’s other hand lands
on his thigh, rubbing it gently and Taehyung bites his lower lip harshly so he
doesn’t moan out an I love you.
Taehyung comes into Jeongguk’s mouth, eyes squeezing shut no matter what he
wants, hips twitching. It’s difficult to catch his breath after such an
powerful orgasm so Taehyung is left with lips parted, gasping for air even
though Jeongguk pulls off already.
”Holy shit,” he laughs breathlessly, even though he feels like drowning
underneath all those emotions. Jeongguk stands up, pulling his shorts back up
and Taehyung does the same, even with shaking hands. 
"So," Taehyung starts, falling on his back on the bed.
"So?" Jeongguk asks and joins the older one on the mattress, to lay next to
him. 
"How was it?"
"Wow. I mean, not as bad as I thought you would be," Jeongguk snorts.
"Just admit that I'm good," Taehyung huffs and reaches out to slap the younger
one's chest. 
"Never!" Jeongguk exclaims and rolls further away on the bed, out of Taehyung's
reach. 
 
The guilt kicks in only afterwards, when the clock is turning to four am and
Jeongguk is sound asleep. Taehyung is laying next to him, it's raining outside
and the room is too warm for him to feel so horrendously cold. 
Because they're best friends, they can share a bed. Because they're best
friends one doesn't have to sleep on the floor on an uncomfortable mattress.
Because they're best friends they can suck each other off and it doesn't have
to mean anything, until it does and Taehyung is selfish. 
Taehyung reaches out with a hesitant hand and brushes his fingers gently
against Jeongguk's cheek who stirs in his sleep a bit but doesn't wake up.
Maybe if they were a love story, Taehyung could whisper his secrets to the
younger boy and maybe he would hear them, not really asleep. But Taehyung can't
risk it. And they aren't a love story. 
On a good day, maybe they are a tragicomedy. Jeongguk can be the protagonist
and Taehyung the supportive best friend. In that story, or movie, or maybe a
play, Taehyung isn't his head over heels for him. In that situation, Jeongguk
falls in love with a girl or a boy of his dreams and doesn't break his heart.
But because they have to keep things realistic, that's why it would be a
tragicomedy and not a romance. 
Taehyung isn't a fool. He knows he will get over Jeongguk eventually but God,
he doesn't want to. 
 

. . .
 

There isn't a conclusion or a drawn ending. The next morning Taehyung wakes up.
He drinks his coffee, sitting in the dining table eating breakfast until three
pm. Jeongguk is oblivious to the emotional rollercoaster going on inside
Taehyung and he is quite fine with that. 
"Is there anything you wanna do today?" Taehyung asks, turning the porcelain
cup in his hand, the leftover coffee lukewarm. 
"Whatever you wanna do," Jeongguk just shrugs his shoulders and flashes a grin.
Maybe Taehyung is just walking on his downfall, ignorant to the pain, he is
just pouring salt to his open wounds with all of this. 
"I mean, grandma needed some help on the fields, I think." Taehyung tells the
younger boy, putting down the cup and lifting his hand to his own hair to
ruffle the black strands. 
"Your stamina will give in but okay," Jeongguk laughs. Taehyung picks up a
piece of paper towel on the table and throws it at the younger boy, even though
it just falls and doesn't end up hitting him. 
"You're so mean," he complains and pouts stupidly, and Jeongguk just cringes
back. 

So, Taehyung is selfish. It's summer, he is 19 and he is in love. That's all
about it. Taehyung is hurting but he isn't ready to let go of the only thing he
really feels like owning.
Gasping for air, and Taehyung is drowning. 
 
But thankfully, he'd rather drown to a place he loves and not a dirty city pool
with chlorine burning in his nose. It could be worse.
Taehyung can learn to swim, five years old again - nostalgia has always made
him sad, melancholic - chest deep in the chilly lake. 
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