Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/13600416. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Major_Character_Death, Underage Category: M/M Fandom: 방탄소년단_|_Bangtan_Boys_|_BTS Relationship: Jeon_Jungkook/Kim_Taehyung_|_V Character: Kim_Taehyung_|_V, Jeon_Jungkook, Kim_Taehyung_|_V's_Parents Additional Tags: Fluff_and_Angst, Smut, Age_Swap, Implied/Referenced_Suicide, Implied/ Referenced_Homophobia, Angels Stats: Published: 2015-11-07 Completed: 2018-02-06 Chapters: 2/2 Words: 5434 ****** 하늘 (Haneul) ****** by taemorrow Summary Taehyung has always heard of this island where lost things go. Haneul was the name, but the explanations he received as a child don't hold up anymore. He just wants his best friend back. Notes See the end of the work for notes ***** Haneul ***** Haneul. Taehyung has always heard of this island. First, when he lost his favorite stuffed animal, Kookie. His parents said Kookie went to live at Haneul for a while, but he would return. Spoiler alert, he never did. Second, when his dog Jin ran away. His parents said Haneul was where all the lost things in the world went. But not to worry, Jin would return. Spoiler alert, he never did. Final, when his best friend (boyfriend of three years), Jeongguk went missing. Or at least that was the story from Jeongguk’s parents. His parents said Haneul claimed again. But not to worry because the police would find him. Spoiler alert, they never did. Taehyung was sick of it. Sick of hearing about Haneul. What did this stupid island have to do with anything. Of course the story would work as a child but not now. Not anymore. All Taehyung wanted was Jeongguk back. He wanted to stop crying. He wanted to stop feeling an emptiness in his chest when he saw his friends. They only reminded him of a soft laughter he was dying to hear again. A smile that moved mountains for him. Taehyung wanted to stop feeling so lost. The next thing Taehyung remembers is waking to the sound of waves crashing against a shore. His clothes cling to him from dampness and everything is just cold. It’s nighttime and Taehyung sits up to find himself on a sandy beach. Thankfully the tide is just far enough not to pull him into the water but he’s still close. He panics. This must be a dream. There’s no possible explanation for this. Maybe he’s experiencing lucid dreaming. He remembers reading about it somewhere online one night when he was bored. Dreams that feel completely real. This must be it. Taehyung looks around and there’s nothing. No one around to help. “Hello? Is anybody here?” He tries anyway but hears nothing but the sound of strong wind rush pass him. “Anybody…?” Taehyung’s request dies in his throat and he sobs. He curls into himself and sobs harder into his knees. This is a bad dream. But maybe it’s a little better than reality, because at least he doesn’t have to hide how broken he is. So he doesn’t. He doesn’t hide and he lets himself cry to his hearts content. For how long, he’s not sure but eventually he feels better. The pleas of wanting Jeongguk to tell him what to do quiet down and he feels the water reach his toes. He doesn’t think to look up until something in the water bumps his foot. The water threatens to retrieve it again but the item stops in the sand as the water draws back. Taehyung doesn’t believe his eyes. He needs to touch it to see if it’s real. So he does. He sits on his knees, wipes away his tears and reaches for the item. “K-Kookie…” he fumbles with his teddy bear in his hands as though to check the authenticity and he knows. This is exactly the teddy bear he had as a child. Haneul. No. No, no. This can’t be, Taehyung thinks. There’s no way in hell he’s at Haneul. A dream is all this is. Just a dream- His thoughts are cut off by the distant sound of barks. Suddenly, the barks aren’t so distant anymore and he sees a small black dog run towards him. He sees the blue collar and shakes his head. This isn’t. It tackles him anyway and the tail seems as though it’s about to break off with how hard it’s wagging. Taehyung reaches for the small silver tag and feels his stomach drop. Jin, the name reads. What does this mean. Why is he seeing this. Why now. Haneul. Taehyung holds back tears as he begins to pet Jin and it feels so real. “Jin! Jin! Come here boy! Ji-” A voice trails beyond him but the tears at the brim of his eyes prevent Taehyung from seeing who it is. The figure stops moving and just stands there. Staring. “T-Tae…” Taehyung blinks his tears away and needs to hold Jin back from licking his face. He sees the silhouette of a slim, tall man. The moon’s shine pushes pass the overcast for a single moment and Taehyung sees. “Jeong..” He stops and he feels his chest tighten. This can’t be. “Jeongguk..” No. He hates this dream. He hates this dream because he knows Jeongguk isn’t here and won’t be with him in the morning when he wakes. He begins to cry again and the figure runs to his side. “No, no. Taehyung. Babe, please don’t cry.” Jeongguk holds Taehyung’s face in his hands and tries to wipe the tears away with his thumbs. “Taehyung.” Taehyung thought he had cried all he needed to earlier but he was wrong. He sobs again and feels himself be pulled into Jeongguk’s arms. With the sound of Jeongguk’s heartbeat loud in his ear and small kisses to his hair, Taehyung can hear Jeongguk is crying too. “I thought I’d never get to see you again.” Jeongguk whispers once they’ve both ceased crying and Taehyung now seated between his legs with his back to Jeongguk’s chest. “I- They said I wouldn’t see you again. Not until you ended up like me. Not if you didn’t want to.” Taehyung has his fingers interlaced with Jeongguk’s and he looks down at their hands for a brief moment before he responds. “What do you mean?” “I didn’t want you to end up like me.” Jeongguk’s voice is soft but Taehyung can still hear how shaky it is. “You were too young.” Taehyung turns around and sits on his knees in front of Jeongguk. He’s the one to hold his boyfriend’s face in his hands this time. “Hey…” his throat is sore and it hurts to speak but he does anyway. “Jeongguk… Baby, please tell me what’s wrong. Tell me how you ended up here or how I did.-” Jeongguk shakes his head and takes Taehyung’s hands in his again. “No… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up right now.” He looks into Taehyung’s eyes and for a fleeting moment he thinks of the day he gave his best friend a teddy bear. How lost his best friend looked but still content to be thought of. It’s like nothing changed. “I promise I’ll tell you later, okay?” Taehyung wants to know but he nods in agreement either way. He’s tired and spent from crying, and all he really wants to do is make up for lost time with the love of his life. “Okay.” Taehyung doesn’t realize when he fell asleep but he did, and for a moment he forgets where he is. But then he hears the sound of waves crashing against the shore and a slightly warm arm tightens around his waist. He’s relieved and it’s morning. They must’ve stayed asleep on the same part of the island because Kookie is tucked under Jin’s paw not too far away from them. Jeongguk never told him of the island or anything he knew last night. Instead they had spent their time running around the shore, sometimes kissing or sometimes tackling each other onto the sand, and other times staring up at the stars. Even though the wind was still a little harsh, Taehyung felt warm in Jeongguk’s embrace. Taehyung finally stops looking around them and turns to face his boyfriend. He stares for a second and smiles before he curls into Jeongguk’s chest again. Taehyung has always known Jeongguk to be a heavy sleeper so he’s surprised when he feels a hand stop him from continuing to run his finger’s along Jeongguk’s arm. “That tickles.” Taehyung hears Jeongguk grumble before he looks up, met with a sleepy face. “Sorry…” Taehyung smiles despite his words and a small chuckle escapes his lips when Jeongguk kisses him. And again. And again. And Taehyung tilts his head slightly, coaxing Jeongguk to deepen the kiss. Which he does and Taehyung isn’t sure if he pulls or Jeongguk pushes but Jeongguk ends up hovering over him with his hands on either side of Taehyung’s head. The kisses are sweet and a little lazy every now and then but Taehyung still feels needy. His arms wrap around Jeongguk’s neck and he bends his knee just enough to cause some friction against Jeongguk’s groin. Taehyung smiles against his boyfriend’s lips when he’s met with a moan and he does it again, slower. Jeongguk’s hand meets Taehyung’s waist and he seems to want to fight his desires away but he ends up giving in anyway. His hand slips under the fabric of Taehyung’s shirt and he smirks when Taehyung shivers under him. “Your hands are so cold.” Taehyung whispers and a hand meets the back of Jeongguk’s neck. “So are yours.” Jeongguk smiles before leaning in to kiss Taehyung again. His hand running up the side of Taehyung’s abdomen until he reaches and pinches Taehyung’s nipple ever so slightly. Taehyung whimpers and his knee brushes against Jeongguk’s groin again. “Yeah but- ugh. I missed your touch.” Jeongguk cocks his head to the side and he smirks again before he kisses from Taehyung’s jawline to his neck. “Tell me what else you missed.” Taehyung’s mouth drops open and his back arches slightly when Jeongguk bites his neck. “That.” He moans, “Fuck- I missed that.” Jeongguk’s lips brush against the bitten skin, just the way he knows Taehyung likes it. “Keep going.” He encourages before smiling against the skin and squeezing at Taehyung’s nipple again. Taehyung blushes and he knows Jeongguk can see but he doesn’t care at this point. “I missed the way you talk to me like that.” “Like what, Taehyung? Tell me.” Jeongguk’s fingers graze his abdomen before halting at the waistband of his jeans. “The way I talk to you like I want you. Like you know I’m going to have you.” Taehyung doesn’t even bother answering because they both know the answer is nothing but agreement. He lifts off the sand for a moment as Jeongguk helps him out of his shirt. His pants follow suit and soon Jeongguk’s clothes follow too. “Knees,” is all Jeongguk says and Taehyung listens. Not before he sneaks in an eager kiss against Jeongguk’s lips. Taehyung kneels in front of Jeongguk and immediately eyes his boyfriend for the next commands. They’ve always been like this. Taehyung has always followed after whatever Jeongguk had told him to do. Perhaps because he was older or perhaps because he always seems so domineering, but either way Taehyung loved it. This time was no different and he waits, his heart speeding up as Jeongguk takes his time touching his lips, then jawline. “Suck.” Taehyung licks his lips in anticipation and leans forward, taking Jeongguk’s cock in his hand to align it with his mouth. He’s awarded with a groan as he skillfully teases the slit, swirling his tongue along the tip before taking Jeongguk’s cock in his mouth. “Oh my god, Taehyung,” is all he hears as he deepthroats his boyfriend. He keeps his eyes locked on Jeongguk, wanting to see every reaction. He can’t help but shiver when he feels Jeongguk’s hand in his hair and he knows if he does a good job, Jeongguk will pull at it. He closes his eyes every so often and takes in all he can of Jeongguk. Alternating between deepthroating and holding the base of Jeongguk’s cock as he lets his tongue run along the underside of his cock. It works and he moans around Jeongguk’s cock when he feels his hair pulled. “That’s enough babe. You did great.” He’s panting and his own cheeks are flushed now too. Jeongguk brings his fingers to Taehyung’s mouth and the younger immediately begins to suck again. Coating the finger down to the knuckle in his saliva. “Damn it, Taehyung.” Jeongguk groans before pulling his fingers out. “Turn around. On your hands too, babe.” Taehyung just nods, his cock hurts from the lack of attention and he’s so tempted to just touch himself but he listens to Jeongguk instead, fully away it will pay off. And so it does and he gasps when he feels one of Jeongguk’s fingers tease his entrance before it slides in. One of Jeongguk’s hands stays at Taehyung’s waist as he continues to finger his boyfriend. Jeongguk gives no warning before adding another finger. Instead, leans down to trail small kisses down Taehyung’s spine and he nearly loses his state of mind when Taehyung whines and begins to fuck back onto Jeongguk’s fingers. “Fuck, Taehyung. You love this, don’t you?” “Y-es. Oh god yes.” Taehyung bites his lip for a moment before he speaks up again. “More. I want more.” Jeongguk’s free hand trails up Taehyung’s abdomen until it reaches his jaw and he turns Taehyung’s head far enough for a small kiss. “Be patient, baby. I know. I know.” But he complies anyway and adds another finger. Taehyung moans into his mouth and Jeongguk can’t help but add another finger. Taehyung feels warm. He feels loved the way Jeongguk leaves small kisses on the ridges of his spine. He feels dizzy the way Jeongguk whispers sweet nothings in his ear. And he feels drunk on the way he needs Jeongguk at that moment. With every touch to his skin and moan he earns from Jeongguk when they kiss, he feels more confident. Jeongguk pulls his fingers out and lines his cock at Taehyung’s entrance. Taehyung whines and he bucks his hips back but Jeongguk’s hold is strong to keep him still. “No. Beg for it.” Taehyung makes an exasperated whine again and shutters when he feels Jeongguk’s finger graze the slit of his cock. “Please, Jeongguk. I need you. Fuck- just please..” he’s panting slightly and he wants to be touch so bad. “Jeongguk…” He wants to be fucked so bad. “Good boy.” Taehyung hears Jeongguk say before he feels the cock push inside him and he trembles. It feels so good and it’s been so long since they fucked. Jeongguk begins to move, excruciatingly slow, and Taehyung groans. “Jeongguk-” Taehyung’s cut off because by the time he speaks Jeongguk pulls out and slams back in, to the hilt. Taehyung moans and before he can say anything, Jeongguk does it again and again. He increases his pace and evetually pulls Taehyung up so he can fuck into him while he kisses him. It’s sloppy and they miss each other’s mouths every so often but Jeongguk can touch him and kiss his neck and bite into Taehyung’s neck just the way he knows will leave a mark. Taehyung’s hand finds the back of Jeongguk’s head and it’s a little awkard with his upper body twisted the way it is but he kisses Jeongguk again. His tongue slides along Jeongguk’s bottom lip but Jeongguk’s hand finally wraps around his cock. Jeongguk keeps his pace in thrusts and Taehyung whines as he matches his strokes to the same pace. “Jeongguk, I’m going to-” He moans as Jeongguk angles himself perfectly to hit Taehyung’s prostate.  “Fuck-” He’s helpless and he whines over and over again at the stimulation. Jeongguk keeps trailing kisses along his back and it causes him to shiver each time. He’s so close, but everytime he’s about to come, Jeongguk squeezes the base of his cock and whispers filthy things in his ear. But he knows what Jeongguk wants and that’s for Taehyung to beg him. Jeongguk’s grip on Taehyung’s hip might bruise later but his grip softens as he hears Taehyung speak up again. “What’s that, babe?” “I want to come. Jeongguk, please let me come.” His words push out through broken moans but he knows. He knows Jeongguk is content. He can practically hear his boyfriend’s smirk. “Then come for me, Taehyung.” He whispers against the shell of Taehyung’s ear and Taehyung shutters as he comes. Jeongguk strokes Taehyung through his orgasm, whispering praises and sweet nothing as he does so. Taehyung pants and whines when he feels Jeongguk’s hands grip at his hips now. But a few more thrusts and Jeongguk comes too. Taehyung feels Jeongguk shift behind him and pull out. He’s exhausted and about to let himself fall back despite the cum still rolling down the back of his thighs. Jeongguk catches him with one arm though, and he chuckles. “I think you’d regret that. Let’s go into the water. Get somewhat washed off.” He back hugs Taehyung, mostly because he wanted to but also because he can see how sleepy his boyfriend is again. “I want to sleep…” Taehyung pouts but he complies anyway, partly letting Jeongguk guide him into the water. He makes a face, thinking the water is going to be cold but to his surprise it’s relatively warm. They must be near volcanoes or at least somewhere near Hawaii. Jeongguk chuckles at the curious faces his boyfriend makes, and guides Taehyung, with a light tug, into his arms. They’re floating a bit further out into the water, completely secluded from the shore. From Jin, who barks in amusement at the tide rising and falling against the shore. Taehyung looks around for a minute before his gaze falls on Jeongguk, and how he’s smiling. He feels at home again. “I missed you so much.” Taehyung wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s neck. “I missed you too,” Jeongguk suddenly sounds sad, like he knows something Taehyung doesn’t. Taehyung hears the change and he wants to ask, but he doesn’t. Not yet, but soon he will. Instead, he pulls away just enough to kiss Jeongguk. Sweet, and chaste. “I love you.” “I love you too.” ~ Night settles again and Taehyung finally convinces Jeongguk to show him around the island. To which he only says, you’ll find whatever you want to find here. “Like Haneul?” Taehyung snorts. Jeongguk stays silent. Taehyung widens his eyes as he steps over a fallen tree branch, a beautiful sight of a waterfall in front of him. Just like Hanakapiai Falls, which Taehyung and Jeongguk visited during their trip to Hawaii nearly two years prior. “Woah. Are you sure we’re not in Hawaii, right now?” Jeongguk follows Taehyung towards the water for a few more steps before he halts completely. “Taehyung.” He turns around, a confused look on his face as he tries to figure out why Jeongguk’s mood changes so quickly again. “What’s wrong?” Jeongguk swallows and looks down, suddenly unable to make eye contact with Taehyung. “I don’t really know how to say this, so instead I want to show you.” His pause makes Taehyung uneasy and he really wants Jeongguk to just say whatever it is that he’s been hiding since they’ve found each other again. “Do you remember the time I gave you Kookie?” Taehyung nods. “What does that have to do with-” “Picture it. Picture where we were.” Taehyung does. He closes his eyes and he feels Jeongguk take a hold of one of his hands. Taehyung remembers a small treehouse. The one he and Jeongguk had convinced Taehyung’s father to help them build in the backyard. He remembers a ladder that led up to the house. He also remembers the actual house wasn’t more than a small room, nothing but a bookshelf for their manga sat in the corner. “Open your eyes, Taehyung.” He sounds scared, a little worried, Taehyung notes. Taehyung opens his eyes to the sight of a small room, nothing but a bookshelf of manga in one corner of the room. “How did-” “Close your eyes again.” “But- how did we.. We were just outside, how did-” “Taehyung.” “But-” “Think about the last night you saw me.” “I don’t want to.” He feels himself tremble at the thought. “Taehyung, please. It’s going to be harder if you don’t cooperate with me.” Jeongguk steps forward and rests his forehead against Taehyung’s. “Close your eyes.” His voice comes out in a whisper and Taehyung finally does as he’s told. Taehyung remembers the night well. He and Jeongguk were in his room, just like any other night. Although this time they were listening to music off Taehyung’s laptop, Jeongguk sitting with his back to the wall and Taehyung sitting in between his legs. They had never hid their relationship from Taehyung’s parents, but Jeongguk’s had been another story. It wasn’t unusual for Taehyung’s mom to pop in occasionally and ask if they were ready for dinner. She had walked in on them kissing a few times, but she never scolded them for it. So when they heard the door open in the middle of an innocent kiss, they thought nothing of it. Taehyung doesn’t want to open his eyes again, and he wants to stop remembering now. But his memory betrays him and continues. “Jeongguk-” the voice is angry and they both snap their heads up to look at the doorway. “Get up right now. You’re leaving. And you’re never coming back here again.” Taehyung had never seen Jeongguk’s father so angry before, and he’d be lying if he said he doesn’t feel his skin crawl with freight just like that night. Taehyung remembers Jeongguk look calm, but with the sudden and shakey hold he took to Taehyung’s waist said otherwise. “I’m not going anywhere.” Jeongguk’s voice echos in his mind. “Taehyung, open your eyes.” Jeongguk’s forehead is no longer pressed against his and he feels scared. “No.” “Baby, I don’t want this anymore than you do but you have to know.”  He doesn’t open his eyes for a minute longer and he hears the voices again. A second later he’s being pulled off the bed and his eyes fly open. He sees Jeongguk’s father, he feels his shirt being gripped at the collars and he chokes back sobs. “You piece of shit. You poisoned my son-” He waits for the punch to his cheek but it doesn’t come like he remembers it did. “Jeongguk-.” Taehyung calls out because he can’t see anything anymore. “Jeongguk- please.” He holds out his hand as he begins to cry. “I don’t want this anymore. I want to be back at the island with you. Please!” He closes his eyes. Once. Nothing. Twice. Nothing. Thrice and he sees Jeongguk reach out for his hand. “Taehyung…” He shakes his head as he’s pulled into Jeongguk’s embrace and Jeongguk just wipes his eyes. “I’m sorry.” Taehyung looks around and sees Jin playing with Kookie again. “Jeongguk-” his voice cracks. “That night.. my dad dragged me back home.” “I don’t want to hear it.” “When he got me inside the house, he literally threw me in. And he began beating me.” “Stop!” “He didn’t stop.” “Jeongguk, please-” “I died that night, Taehyung.” He pauses and wipes Taehyung’s tears again before his hand is slapped away. “That’s how I ended up here.” “I said stop.” Taehyung pulls away completely, turning away from Jeongguk. He feels like he’s going to vomit. “This place… this place can be what ever you want it to be.” Jeongguk continues anyway. “Imagine it and you’re there.” Taehyung turns around again, “If you’re dead, how are you here? How are you with me right now?” “Haneul isn’t a place where lost things go.” “Stop ignoring me-” Taehyung exhales forcefully. “That place doesn’t exist. Haneul is the name given to one’s paradise. Where each person can experience whatever they want to experience on their terms when they-” Taehyung keeps crying but he listens and stills. “-die.” He feels his throat go dry. “Are you telling me…that I’m…dead..” “Yes.” Taehyung didn’t notice when Jeongguk had begun to cry too but he wipes his face with the back of his hand. “The last thing you remember was falling asleep in your bed.” Taehyung doesn’t know how Jeongguk knows if he hadn’t told him, but it’s true. “That’s because you died in your sleep. …Right after you took those pills.” “I don’t remember-” Taehyung stops, a flood of memories washing over him in a split second. He then remembers getting home from school. He remembers his parents telling him the police stopped looking for Jeongguk. He remembers crying in his room for hours. He remembers waiting until his parents were asleep to sneak into their medicine cabinet. He remembers taking two nearly full bottles out and downing them before he walked back into his room. He remembers falling asleep, wanting nothing more than Jeongguk to tell him everything would be okay. “Taehyung.” Jeongguk holds back his sobs. “I was there that night. I was there through it all… I woke up here, just like you.” “But how if-..” “Two people can share their own Haneul. The only thing that determines who comes and goes are the individuals themselves.” “…You said ‘they’…when you first brought up this place. You said ‘they said we wouldn’t see each other again until I ended up like you.’ They weren’t…” “They were angels, Taehyung.” He stays silent now, trying to wrap his mind around everything Jeongguk has told him. “When I first woke up here, I was scared like you. I wanted to feel safe. I wanted to be with you. But then I began to remember things from my life and every time I woke up in whatever time of my life I wanted to see, I finally realized I had control here. I know it’s a scary thought but this is how it is.” “Are we…is this place forever?” Taehyung looks at Jin and then Jeongguk again. The past day had been he happiest he had been in so long. He didn’t want it to end, but “Am I ever going to see my parents again?” “It can be if you want it that way. They’ll be here if you want-” “If I want to see them.” Jeongguk nods. “We can see them now if you want to…” Taehyung blinks up at Jeongguk, “Really?” “Close your eyes.” This time Jeongguk makes sure to take both of Taehyung’s hands as Taehyung closes his eyes. He waits until he has the okay before he opens his eyes again, and when he does, he’s in the kitchen with Jeongguk and his parents. Taehyung’s mom is sitting at the kitchen table, holding onto her husband’s hands tightly. Taehyung notices she’s been crying from the slightly dried tear-stained cheeks. He wants to walk up to her but he can’t seem to move from where he stands. “We should’ve taken Jeongguk out of that home.” Taehyung’s mom begins. “That would’ve been a hard fight for custody, and you know that.” He sighs. He has deep bags under his eyes like he hasn’t slept in weeks. “But at least we would’ve still had our son. ..They would’ve been happy together.” She chokes back a sob and pulls a hand away to wipe her fresh tears. Taehyung’s father leans over and pulls her into his chest, shushing her silent cries. “It’s going to be okay. I’m sure wherever he is, he’s happy again.” “Jeongguk…how long has it been since I’ve been dead…” “Two months time…here.” “But we’ve only spent two days at Haneul…” “Time doesn’t exist there. A day can be as long as you want it to be.” Taehyung thinks he finally understands then, but before he leaves back to Haneul. “Is there a way I can tell them I’m okay?” Jeongguk thinks for a moment before he walks towards the kitchen window. It’s fogged from the cold weather, and the lights from the backyard illuminate the kitchen a little bit. “Here…” He beckons Taehyung to follow him and so he does. “Write here.” Taehyung thinks for a moment before he writes on the glass with his finger. ‘You have to be strong. I’m okay, I promise.’ The moment he stops writing, he looks towards his parents who seem to be looking in his direction. His mom stands and walks towards the window. She reads the message before she begins to sob again. “I think you’re right. I think he’s happy now.” She turns to her husband who seems dumbstruck at the writing on the window. “Are you ready to go back?” Jeongguk holds out his hand. Taehyung turns away from his parents, staring at Jeongguk’s hand for a moment. Not a second longer and he takes Jeongguk’s hand into his own with the promise of a happily ever after he’s wanted with just Jeongguk. With the only person he’s ever felt at home with. “Close your eyes.” And Taehyung does. ***** PSA ***** Hello! Dropping by to say something I realized I forgot to mention in this work before. This story, while faintly mentioned, involves suicide. While this story is based on the events after Taehyung's suicide, I wanted to point out a couple of things to any whom are/have had suffered with mental illnesses such as depression and suicidal thoughts. You are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you for suffering from a mental illness. You are human. Mental illnesses have no one-quick-fix. Everyone is different from one another. What might work for someone else, might not work for you, but please remember you are worth love, care, and health all around you but especially within yourself. If you find yourself in a toxic environment that makes it hard for you to remember your self-worth, please try your best to tough it out. You. Will. Be. Worth. The. Wait. When you're able to, find a way to remove yourself from a toxic situation/enviornment. My guess is many of you might have friends whom struggle with the same thing or know of someone who does. You might even find it easy to help them by being encouraging or supportive, but not so much with yourself. Although helping others may be a great, please try to take some of the energy you spend on others and channel it towards yourself, too. You are worth the love, just as much as they are. Suicide is serious. The decision is irreversable. I cannot stress enough how much you should really try all your options (i.e. reaching out to a friend, family, counselor and therapist, calling hotlines or using text-hotline services, venting be that writing out your feelings, plus many more). People are willing to help. The only thing you need to do is reach out. Once you've accepted you need help or guidance then the true help can begin. Suicide is not the answer to 'fix' your problems. Again, there are so many options when seeking help. It may not be so easy to see, because mental illnesses are still taboo among common society to speak of, but resources are out there. I will list some below, but if you find you're not ready to talk to someone yet then I emplore you to find a way to channel your energy into something positive or steady. If you can't find it in yourself to write out your feelings or utilize your pain into dance or music, maybe even reading, then please take steps towards selfcare. Set reminders for yourself to drink water, to clean your space, to shower, to eat, to excersie (even just walking), to do your homework, and to even have scheduled freetime. It's hard to find the motivation to do these things when you're depressed, but that doesn't change how important they are. When you're ready, please reach out to someone. If you feel hopeless or lonely, even with support from those around you or not, please know there are places to talk to people beyond your circle that will not judge you. They will listen. Hotlines U.S. National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255 / chat (you just need to enter your zipcode and accept the terms and conditions) / also availble in spanish 1- 888-627-9454 / options for deaf/hard-hearing 1-800-799-4889 Suicide_Prevention_Lifeline_Website Provides specific resources based on your needs, tips on helping yourself, tips on helping others, stories on recovery, as well as (but not limited to) resources to the best professional practices Argentina +5402234930430 Australia 131114  Austria 017233374 Belgium 106 Botswana 3911270 Brazil 212339191 Canada 18662773553 Montreal 5147234000 Croatia 014833888 Denmark +4570201201 Egypt 7621602 Finland 010 195 202 France 0145394000 Germany 08001810771 Holland 09000767 Hong Kong +852 2382 0000 India 8888817666 Ireland +4408457909090 Italy 800860022 Japan +810352869090 Mexico 5255102550 New Zealand 045861048 Norway +4781533300 Philippines 028969191 Poland 5270000 Russia 0078202577577 Spain 914590050 South Africa 0514445691 Sweden 46317112400 Switzerland 143 United Kingdom 08457909090 A_Personal_Experience_With_A_Hotline What to expect   Thank you for listening, I hope this helps and please take care of yourself. End Notes A/N: thanks for reading. this was inspired by this (http:// thewritershandbook.tumblr.com/post/131718668036) post. It turned into like not the prompt but it was inspired by it.~ This was also a tad inspired by the book Lovely Bones with faint allusion to 화양연화 on stage : prologue from BTS. Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!