Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/121973.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Skins
  Relationship:
      Maxxie_Oliver/Tony_Stonem, Michelle_Richardson/Tony_Stonem, Tony_Stonem/
      Various
  Character:
      Maxxie_Oliver, Tony_Stonem, Sid_Jenkins, Michelle_Richardson, Cassie
      Ainsworth, Chris_Miles, Jal_Fazer, Anwar_Kharral, Effy_Stonem, OMC, OFC
  Series:
      Part 1 of concerning_human_understanding
  Stats:
      Published: 2007-04-28 Chapters: 13/13 Words: 63135
****** concerning human understanding ******
by orphan_account
Summary
     Follows the S1 characters of skin past Michelle (1x07). Tony and
     Maxxie form an understanding. And the game begins.
Notes
     This was written in early 2007. My grasp on the English language
     (especially British English) was not very good back then. Excuse any
     mistakes within, the overabundance of adverbs and fancy dialogue.
     I did not find the time to go over it once more, though thank you to
     bluesoul for helping me out and providing much-needed beta services.
     Thank you also to all people who've written me to ask me to put the
     story back up. It's incredibly flattering.
***** Chapter 1 *****
Maxxie found it in Angie's classroom after everyone had left. It was a whole
file, not just a single sheet of paper, and it had Tony's name on it, which was
what made him glance twice before realizing what it was.
He looked around to check that nobody was watching him, then opened it
carefully. He didn't really - he didn't want to read it, really. He'd - he was
just curious! He wanted to know what Angie was doing with a file about Tony on
her desk. He could pretty much guess what it was. Some kind of evaluation,
probably.
But that wasn't why he read it. No, Maxxie wanted to know why Tony did the
things he did, why he acted the way he did. Because Tony - Tony was a mystery.
Tony was a riddle waiting to be solved. And Tony had hurt him.
It was - it was strange how Maxxie had come to care about Tony in the past year
since they'd first met. But then, Russia. After Russia all had gone to hell.
Maxxie couldn't help it, he really wanted the easy friendship back. He wanted
the Tony who would sit next to him and listen to his sorrows, not the one who'd
forced him into sex after he'd been too drunk to protest.
He didn't know what he was hoping to find in the file, maybe some clue, maybe
some hint as to what made Tony tick. But when he started to read, it wasn't
what he'd expected at all.
The title read: Psychological Analysis: Tony Stonem and it was written by
Angela Ackart, psychology teacher at John Cabot College, Bristol.
This was not something Maxxie had been supposed to see, not to mention to read.
He knew that. His conscience spoke up, made him look away for a few seconds.
This wasn't his thing. He didn't even like to mess in other people's business.
But his curiosity was piqued. He was curious. Some day, he knew, it would
really get him into trouble.
Still. Tony, psychological evaluation. He couldn't resist. He just couldn't.
Not after the stunt Tony had pulled, not after everything the boy had done to
Maxxie and Michelle. So Maxxie went on, not without another quick glance around
to make sure Angie hadn't returned.
The patient: Tony Stonem, 17 years of age, parents married, one sibling, a
younger sister. Full report on psychological status as of March '07.
Maxxie read on... first signs of neutralized sense of conscience at an early
age -- egocentric behaviour ... without realizing repercussions of his actions
towards society in general or his own close circle of peers.
There were a few paragraphs about Tony's family life there... lack of a
dominant father figure ... exploits his above average intelligence to degrade
and humiliate and oftentimes enrage... plays out his superiority and gain self-
esteem by ranking himself above the minds of those same adults who are supposed
to raise him...
Maxxie's cheeks flushed when he realized what the next part was about. ...
first sexual experiences ... no emotional attachment ... The report mentioned
an early girlfriend. ... mistreats and deprecates the girl, at which point she
leaves him. At this he turns to another girl without greater sense of loss or
remorse.
His stomach contracted at the information. He wondered - but he didn't have
time, and there was still another page in the document. He turned the page,
hastily scanning the next paragraphs, reading out pieces and parts, ... shows
the typical traits of superficial charm and witty intelligence... lack of
interest in any form of emotional bonding and antagonistic stance towards any
form of affection ... no aggressive behaviour, instead uses his intelligence
and ability to attract people to play out his sadistic streak, hurting and
degrading people close to him as he plays with their love towards him and their
devotion towards a friendship with him for which he has no regard whatsoever.
There was more, about lack of empathy and Tony's ability to manipulate and act
his way into people's affections, coerce others to enter a sexual relation with
him or to make them forget about his unfulfilled obligations. At the end, there
was a signature and the school seal.
Maxxie's throat felt dry. This was Tony? Tony, in a nutshell? He couldn't
believe it. Tony wasn't a piece of paper. Tony was a person, Tony was so much
more than this - wasn't he? Because if this was true, he had no feelings, no -
no guilt, no love towards anyone. And - and that was - what -?
Maxxie put the sheet back into the file holder and was about to go through the
rest of the data, school records, doctors' evaluations, when he realized there
were steps right outside the door. Quickly, he put the file back about where
he'd found it and hastily moved away from the desk, into the middle of the
room, taking a stance like he'd just been practicing a few steps - which would
explain why his face was burning and he was slightly out of breath.
The door opened and he breathed out when he realized it was Angie, not some of
the other teachers who might actually realize that something was up.
"Maxxie," she said, wonder in her voice. "Why - I thought the classroom was
empty. Why are you still here? Is there something you wanted?"
Maxxie forced himself not to glance at the file on her desk and shook his head.
He couldn't quite call up a smile. "I just wanted to apologize for making a
fool of myself today in class and for interrupting your lesson. That was very
rude of me."
A slow smile formed on her lips and her eyes glimmered with understanding.
"Don't worry about it, Max. Though I would really rather you apologized to the
people you hurt, in person instead of in front of the whole classroom, it
wasn't that big a deal. Are you all right now? You seemed pretty shaken up when
you spoke up earlier."
"I'm fine," he said. Calm, he told himself. He would think about the file
later, right now, he had to get out of here without being rude to Angie again.
"I just - wanted to apologize."
"Well -" Angie nodded. "Apology accepted, then. Now, go on. Your next class
must start every second now."
Maxxie excused himself and backed out, relieved. He didn't have any more
classes today. But he did wish he'd had time to make a copy of that analysis.
Or maybe not. Because thinking about it made shivers run up and down his spine.
Reading it again? The notion alone made him uncomfortable.
The thing he couldn't get out of his head, however, was that he'd featured in
the file as well. And that - that just wasn't what he'd expected of Angie. But
then, he'd not expected Tony to be a sociopath either, and look how wrong he'd
been about that appearance.
 
~*~
 
It was strange, because before, Maxxie, while caring about him, had never given
Tony much conscious thought. Tony was a friend with whom he hung out
occasionally. Anwar and Chris, yes, those two were people he was close with –
as close as a guy could be with his guy friends without appearing too close.
Chris was friends with Jal and Jal with Michelle, and Michelle was Tony's
girlfriend – had been Tony's girlfriend. And that was how he'd met Tony in the
first place. They had grown into a group of friends with time, of course. Only
he seemed to be lacking the group suddenly, now that he'd fucked up things with
Anwar and Michelle both.
The first thing Maxxie remembered about Tony was a moment of embarrassed
silence when Chris had mentioned the gayness of tap-dancing; and then Tony had
said he didn't care one way or another who he slept with. As long as he slept
with anyone and wasn't a bloody virgin.
Maxxie smiled at the memory.
Now, Tony was the guy who'd forced a blowjob on him while he'd been drunk on a
bottle of vodka; a half-assed blowjob, because if there was one thing Maxxie
remembered about Russia, it was pushing Tony away from his dick. Teeth, man.
Teeth were not going anywhere near his cock if he had anything to say about it.
And now, Tony was the guy whose whole fucked-up psyche was lying around in a
file on Angie's desk.
Maxxie walked home slowly that day. Slowly, and very, very thoughtfully.
 
~*~
 
Dancing lessons in the afternoon went horrible. He missed his cue at least four
times, kept mixing up steps and had no rhythm to speak of.
He was good. He knew he was good. But obviously, good wasn't good enough if his
mind was pre-occupied with scraps of information that kept coming back from the
report. Manipulating, controlling, sadistic streak, it was…
"Right. That's it for today," his trainer said and shook his head.
He had over half an hour left yet. When he said so, the trainer told him to go
home and get his head out of his arse. To get whatever girl- or boy-trouble he
had over with and to come back when he was ready to work concentrated.
His cell phone rang when he was packing his bag. He had a joint in his pocket
with it and it made him think of the way Tony'd been pressing against his back
this morning, bodies close together, arm around his neck like he was almost
going to kiss him, but not quite. He'd felt Tony's excitement at the proximity,
his faster breathing, cock half-hard against his arse and the way he'd shivered
when Maxxie's mouth had almost brushed his cheek.
"Yeah?" his voice came out rougher than usually when he picked up the call.
"You finished with your tap-dancing classes?" Tony's voice rang into his ear.
"You sound –"
"What the fuck, Tony? What do you want?"
"Meet you, obviously."
"What? Why?"
"Michelle's still pissed. And I need a quick shag. You free?"
For a moment, Max had the deep desire to punch him in the face and jam a knee
between his legs, Michelle-style. Then he just clicked his cell shut and shook
his head. Bloody hell, that boy had some nerve.
His cell rang again a few seconds later. He pulled his shirt on over his head
and zipped his jeans, letting it ring until he was finished packing up, then he
swung the bag over his shoulder and picked up once more.
"Fuck off, Tony."
"I was kidding, geez. Relax."
"Yeah, right." Maxxie rolled his eyes and made his way out of the sports
facility. It was one thing for Michelle to call him a slut. He'd deserved that
one. Tony, though? Tony had probably fucked more people than the rest of the
group combined.
"C'mon, Maxxie. I just wanna apologize."
Right. … able to act considerate and loving for personal gain…, wasn't that it?
Maxxie sighed.
"The others aren't talking to you," he concluded.
And Tony was still a person. He still needed someone to talk to, from time to
time. Especially when Michelle really wasn't going to take him back – which
Maxxie hoped for her own sake she wouldn't. Tony'd put her through enough
without her ending up broken into sharp little pieces again. They both had, he
added with a twinge of guilt. God, how was he ever going to make that up to
her?
"They will again, in a little while, don't worry."
The arrogant tone in his voice made Maxxie wince. Narcissistic. Egocentric,
holds himself in very high regard.
'He thinks they are always going to come crawling back, because they love him,'
he realized. Suddenly, he understood why the report had so pressingly
emphasized that Tony was unable to form emotional attachments. If he saw love
as something that held people contained and bound them to another person with
mind and body, of course he'd force himself not to feel any of that.
"Maxxie? You wanker, talk to me, are you jerking off or something?"
"Wha-? No! Fine. Fine, meet me in the evening. The park, eight pm, all right.
I'll be there, you have ten minutes."
He clicked his phone shut once more; this time, he turned it off. No more
ringing. He shouldn't have done that. He really, really shouldn't have asked
Tony to meet him, after everything that had happened recently.
He was already giving in to him. He knew what Tony was, he knew how he played
people, and he was giving in. Again. And this time, he wasn't even drunk.
 
~*~
 
Max lived in a house about half a mile east of Jal, a good mile from Sid's
home. Chris was the one who lived nearest to him, which was why they knew each
other longest. Max had moved to Bristol after his parents had divorced; his
mother had a girlfriend in town. She'd gotten a job at the construction company
as architect and it had been the perfect opportunity for them to finally get
their own house, move out of the little flat in the middle of London.
When he returned home from practice, his mom was still at work. She always
worked late these days. Maxxie understood that, she had to pay the house off
and make enough money to feed herself as well as Maxxie and his little brother.
"Luce?" he called, closing the door behind himself. "You home?"
His brother was eleven years old, a right little prankster and just as
hyperactive as Maxxie had been his age, which was why his mom had sent him to
tap-dancing classes in the first place. Football really hadn't been his sport,
even though he did enjoy the occasional game and was pretty good at it, too.
Luce was all about the football, though, which was fine with Maxxie, as long as
he took the ball outside. Somehow, the little bugger kept breaking the windows
and mirrors in the house.
"Luce?" he yelled again. Hm. He should have been home for hours already. Where
-?
"'m sorry. I just tried to make lunch," came a small voice from the kitchen
door.
The boy who emerged was scrawny, had bright blonde hair, and flour on his
cheeks and nose. He was holding a ladle in his right hand, from which pancake
dough dripped slowly onto the floor next to his bare little feet.
The day had been horrible up until now. The guilt about the break-up, the name-
calling, the whole outing in front of the psych class, then finding out about
Tony being a freaking sociopath. Maxxie couldn't help it.
He dropped his bag on the floor, slid down the wall and landed on his butt,
head in his hands. He felt like crying from exhaustion, but instead laughed to
cover up the tears.
 
~*~
 
It took Maxxie a while to clean the kitchen after hurricane Luce had wrecked
havoc in there. He kind of pitied Chris and Michelle, who'd had to bear the
brunt of the group's parties a few more times than was probably bearable. It
had never occurred to him to offer help with the clean-up. Now he realized it
would have been the polite thing to do.
At least, he didn't have to clean up vomit and alcohol. The walls had dough
stains and the floor was covered in eggshells, flour, sugar and droplets of
milk and egg whites. So was the kitchen stove, and about a dozen pans, pots,
and bowls. But all in all, it was pretty tame.
It was half past seven when he realized he'd spent the good part of the
afternoon cleaning. Luce had made himself scarce.
"Hey, little man," Maxxie called up the stairs, knowing it would be heard in
Luce's room. "You want some real food now, or what?"
He put the sandwiches he'd prepared quickly on a plate on the table and took
one for the way. It wasn't actually that far to the park, but he wanted to get
a quick run in before he met Tony. He would be completely exhausted and in need
of a shower and he wouldn't think of overstaying in case Tony managed to talk
him into more than just a ten-minutes-apology.
It was strange, he realized. Finding out how dangerous Tony could be, how he
enjoyed hurting people to relieve his own boredom – that had woken something
inside him. Suddenly, he was planning ahead to avoid getting caught by him,
scheming to make sure he didn't fall into any traps.
And it was fun. It… it gave his life a kick he hadn't ever felt before, it made
him actually consider his next move and then the one after that, and his
reaction to Tony's reaction and that – that was different.
He was a live-in-the-now person, that's what he was; he almost never wondered
what he could do in the future, that wasn't how he'd been raised. He'd been
raised to be himself, right now, to be open and honest, but also tactful and
polite, cocky but shy and friendly and supportive but also selfish. Because you
couldn't get back the moment you lost.
He didn't quite understand what it was about the revelation that had made him
adjust this part of his attitude so suddenly; but he did understand that it was
a good feeling – to know so much about a person. To have this insight what made
a person who they were, and what was needed to have them act and react in
certain ways.
It had to be power, 'the most important thing in the universe' as Tony had
called it.
Maxxie watched Luce enter the room, flush high in his cheeks and he smiled at
his little brother, even nodded at him to take a sandwich. Forgiven. Just so
easily, even though he'd cost Maxxie over two hours of his time.
Maxxie wondered if he would ever be able to do that. To use the power he now
had over Tony to make him dance like a puppet on a string. Tony enjoyed that
kind of power, Tony had fun watching others do what he liked. But Maxxie wasn't
like Tony at all. Maxxie was sensitive to other people's emotions, empathic to
their pain and willing to love.
"Thanks, Maxxie. You're the best," Luce bounced over and gave him a bear-hug
and a huge, face-splitting grin of happy before he grabbed two sandwiches at
once and sprinted out of the kitchen, back into his room, or maybe outdoors to
play some more footie with the neighbour's boys.
No. Maxxie sighed, rubbed his forehead and shook his head at himself. He wasn't
like Tony at all. But maybe… maybe Tony wanted a little bit of this, too. Maybe
Tony just didn't know that yet.
 
~*~
 
Tap-dancing wasn't at all girly or fluffy or even easy. Or gay, for that
matter, because plenty of straight blokes had kicked his arse at competitions
already and anyway, where did that stereotype come from?
His point was, he pondered as he sprinted up the streets towards the park to
make a quick round before meeting Tony, that he had to fucking work to be as
good as he was, to stay as fit as he was, and to keep that body of his as well-
trained as it was. It wasn't God's gift to him, that was for sure.
He jogged, did exercises, trained with the freakin' weightlifters to get his
shoulders and back in shape. Actually, he realized with a frown, it wasn't
really a surprise he was so good at tap-dancing. And people thought it was all
talent…
He was sweaty and out of breath when he finished his run at exactly eight pm.
The sun was already setting, dawn colouring the sky reddish. It looked pretty
and he sat down on one of the benches to gaze up and watch it turn dark blue.
Of course, he was hungry again after that bit of running, and his stomach
grumbled. Satisfied, he smiled. Now he'd have to leave in about ten minutes, or
die of starvation. Well done, Maxxie, he patted himself on the shoulder.
"There you are. I thought I saw you running about some minute ago, but the
flaming pink shirt convinced me it couldn't have been you."
Maxxie returned to earth and glanced at Tony. Tony had his hands buried in his
trouser pockets and the corners of his mouth were turned up in a small smirk.
"Here am I, dressed up just for you, and there you go, mocking me again." He
smirked back.
Tony seemed relaxed as ever, as if nothing had happened. He sat down next to
Maxxie – a little too close for comfort – and pulled out a joint. "You
sharing?"
Maxxie shook his head. "Sorry, Tony. I'm not fucking up my hunger with that and
I gotta tell you, I could eat at least three burgers right now."
"All right." Tony put it away with a shrug. Apparently, he wasn't on for
smoking it alone either, which was interesting.
Maxxie supposed he might be getting paranoid, but hell. What if Tony had wanted
him to smoke that to get him high? To make it easier on Tony, to… let him get
away without apology. But then, an apology was just words, wasn't it? It
wouldn't harm Tony to spit out that he was sorry. On the other hand… what was
the stance on apologies? They had to hurt his ego quite a bit, because it was
admitting he'd done something wrong and… well.
"You're awfully quiet," Tony said after a moment of just sitting there, hands
between his knees. Maxxie could feel his gaze on his own face, very observant,
and very aware.
"I'm kind of waiting for you to dish," he said. He looked up at the sky, then
to Tony, caught his gaze and held it. He'd been wondering if he would be afraid
of Tony; if he'd chicken out the last minute, because Tony was… well, Tony was
dangerous, in some sense. And if there was one brand of people Maxxie had never
wanted to be around, it was dangerous people. He didn't need the trouble. He'd
always ever wanted to be a normal teen, go to school, dance the dances, live
the parties, make out with some hot blokes, fall in love with some gorgeous boy
who'd make him so happy he couldn't breathe -
"Right. Yeah. So… I guess I'm sorry?" Tony smiled uncertainly.
"You guess you're sorry?" Maxxie repeated. "You guess?"
"I am sorry," Tony nodded, smiled again. There was the beginning of a bloody
blush on his cheeks, and Maxxie could not believe he was actually seeing this.
Tony Stonem, shy? That was new for sure. For being a really self-confident guy
hundred percent of the time, he sure played this part well.
"You think this is getting you off the hook?" Maxxie tried to sound as
incredulous as he could. He knew Tony honestly believed this would suffice.
That at least he knew was the truth.
"What else do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that you look very
pretty, too? That I love you? That you… what was it? Make my world stop
spinning?"
"Wait – what? The fuck? What are you talking about, you tosser?"
Tony shrugged. "That's what she wanted me to say when I went to apologize to
her."
"Michelle?"
"Yes, Michelle, who did you think I meant?"
"Hey, don't get cheeky with me, man. 's not my fault your screwing around
destroyed your relationship with her."
"Actually, my screwing with you did that," Tony said.
Maxxie opened his mouth to protest, but it was kind of true. If he hadn't given
in to Tony that night, if he hadn't let Tony kiss him, Michelle would have
never found out about any of the others.
But still. He might have been a piece of work for making out- okay, having sex
– with her boyfriend; but Tony took things to a whole new level by actually
fucking around behind her back.
"You're going to make me responsible for that now, huh?" he said and rubbed his
eyes, tired. "God, I need a shower." He should have known this wasn't going to
go anywhere.
Tony smirked. "You smell nice, actually." A moment later, he had his nose
buried in Maxxie's neck, arm around his shoulders and was pulling him close, in
for a kiss. For just a split second, Maxxie gave in to the kiss, let Tony stick
his tongue into his mouth and enjoyed it so much that it got a moan out of him,
then he remembered that this was not what he'd been set on doing and broke
free, pushing Tony away and off the bench they'd been sitting on.
"Fuck!" Tony swore. The knees of his trousers were dirty where he'd landed and
his hands had caught the fall, but now they were covered in clay, too.
Maxxie ran the back of his hand over his mouth, and glared back. "What was that
supposed to be? I thought we were over this?"
"Oh, come on, Maxxie. You want it too, I know you do. It's not like it means
anything, and now you can even get rid of that guilt thing you had going,
because it's not like I'm cheating on her anymore."
"You're seriously crazy, Tony. You're completely fucked up, you know that?"
Tony smirked. "And you're still hot for it." His eyes dropped to Maxxie's groin
and returned to his face. "Or am I wrong." It wasn't a question.
"I don't want anything from you, you wanker." It wasn't Tony. It was the
kissing and the sex and the fact that he hadn't had a good shag in almost a
year. Maxxie stood up, ready to leave, to go back home. Because seriously, what
the hell? What… what was this even supposed to mean? Angie was right; Tony was
psychopathic, completely out of control. "I came here for an apology, asshole,
not for a quick shag."
Tony rose as well, not bothering to dust the earth off his trousers, because he
wiped his hands on them anyway. Instead, he came closer, leaned over right into
Maxxie's personal space like he belonged there and whispered, "I'm really sorry
I wasn't good enough last time. I got some practice in. Wanna try again?"
"Enough, all right?" Maxxie said disgusted, shoved him out of his space and
narrowed his eyes. "Game's over, Tony, you did your thing, you had your fun.
Now leave me the fuck alone."
He moved past the other boy to get the hell out of there. He'd thought maybe he
could get through to Tony by being… supportive. But Tony didn't need
supportive. Tony needed a good screwing over, to feel on his own hide what it
felt like to be cheated and betrayed and tossed away after use and what it felt
like to be exploited and played and hurt over and over again.
"Aw, Maxxie, are you sure you don't want to?" Tony called after him.
Maxxie wanted to, he really wanted to feel Tony's lips against his own again,
Tony's hands on his back and his mouth whispering down his neck, but… it had to
be planned. It had to carefully constructed, it had to be controlled, from the
start to the end, so he wouldn't fall for it himself.
Tony's hand on his wrist made him turn around and yank it out of the other
boy's grasp. Tony seemed not to be quite finished yet; this time the smile on
his face was belittling. "You've never done it before, is that it? Is that why
you won't fuck around? Because you're a bloody virgin waiting for love to show
up?"
Oh, rich. Maxxie rolled his eyes, growing seriously annoyed now. Fine. Fine, if
Tony wanted it that way, Tony was going to be in over his head and Maxxie would
make bloody sure Tony was not going to back out until Maxxie said so. He wasn't
exactly the slut everyone now thought he was, but he had had a boyfriend or two
and a few rather nice experiences back in London. And hell, if Tony had half
the experience Maxxie expected, it might even turn out to be more enjoyable
than teeth marks on his dick.
Never let it be said that he didn't have the spine to fight back, especially
when he would find out exactly what made one Tony Stonem tick.
"I'll make you a deal, Tony," he said, took a step forwards and looked him
straight in the eyes, unafraid. One little boy with a superiority complex was
not going to make him feel bad about himself.
Tony's grin was feral, attentive, and his eyes sparkled in excitement. "Dish
up, baby."
"You want to have sex with me so desperately, fine. We'll have sex." For a
moment, Tony's eyes widened, as if he hadn't expected that, but he managed to
catch himself quickly and just raised an eyebrow for more instructions. "Once,
however, is not on. If we do this, we'll have lots of sex. We'll have sex
whenever I want, or whenever you want, too, to make it fair. For one month.
Starting tomorrow."
That didn't seem to be what Tony had expected either. He seemed baffled, if
anything, and slightly suspicious. "If you're expecting some sort of ridiculous
love affair or fidelity or that I –"
"Oh, yeah, that." Maxxie put his hand on his hip and shook his head. "Right, I
forgot. No emotional attachment allowed. I don't care who you fuck, you wanker.
This is sex, nothing more or less. This is me, teaching you the moves." Which
was fairly insulting towards Tony, if you looked at it from Maxxie's point of
view, but that was going to be for personal enjoyment.
Tony cocked his head to the side. "… why a month?"
Maxxie started to wander off, turned around once more. "Because, Tony, if you
really want me to give you something as valuable as sex with me, I at least
want it to be worth my while. And at the end of the month, I really hope you'll
be good enough to be that. If you're not, I'll join up with Michelle to tell
everyone how bad you're in bed."
He grinned, waved one last time and took up another jog towards his home before
Tony could get another word in. He didn't think he'd done so badly. Not badly
at all.
 
~*~
 
"Come on, hurry up, Luce, I need to brush my teeth!"
"Yeah, yeah, give me a minute," Luce yelled through the door and then, "why
don't you go downstairs, anyway?"
"Because my toothbrush is in this bathroom, not downstairs. And anyway, you've
been in there for half an hour, what's taking you so long?" Maxxie narrowed his
eyes. If Luce was actually wanking in there – was almost-twelve old enough for
that? Confused, he tried to remember, but failed miserably to recall his first
time jerking off and yeah – hm. No, maybe he shouldn't be thinking about that.
"All right, all right, I'm out already," Luce had a towel around his waist,
hair dripping wetly on the floor, leaving a trail of water behind him. He
glared as he walked past Maxxie and muttered something under his breath Maxxie
didn't catch.
"What was that?"
"I didn't say anything."
"Hurry up with the clothes, cub, and anyway, I made breakfast, but the tea's
cold by now. We need to leave in ten –"
He stopped talking mid-sentence, catching sight of Luce's naked back and calves
as he stomped towards his room and vanished inside. Maxxie had to blink. He
hadn't imagined the bruises, had he? They'd been there, blue and green, some of
them already dark violet. What the fuck?
"Luce?" he called after the boy, uncertain.
"Yeah, I'm hurrying, don't stress, we're not going to be late!"
"I didn't mean…"
"Just do your own stuff, I'll be ready when you are, promise!" Luce called.
Maxxie shook his head in confusion. Right now, there was no time, but he'd have
to ask about that when they were both back from school later today. That had
looked like Luce had been trashed to an inch of his life!
Strange. He took out his toothbrush and frowned at his own image in the mirror.
 
~*~
 
Tony didn't meet up with him before classes, nor did he show any sign of
recognition when they entered the classroom together. Chris was mumbling about
a party on Saturday and Michelle was glaring at everyone who dared even look at
her.
Maxxie glanced at Anwar out of the corner of his eye, but the other boy wasn't
even looking in his direction, and that hurt a lot. Anwar was being so
stubbornly dumb, it wasn't even funny. God, Maxxie just wanted his friendship,
his acceptance, like they'd been before, before Anwar had blurted out that he
was an intolerant asshole. Religion, yeah, sure. As if Anwar had ever cared
about his religion before.
He'd sat down in the back of the classroom today to be able to draw a bit while
Tom, the teacher, droned on in the front, but he was very glad he'd chosen his
seating so well when he felt his cell vibrate in his trouser pocket. He
carefully opened the text message and read:
I accept.
He glanced up at Tony, but Tony was staring straight ahead, paying a hell lot
more attention to the lecture than the rest of the students combined.
He wrote back, I didn't doubt it and sent the message. His pencil scraped over
the paper as he finished Michelle's facial lines and started on the hair. She
looked really pretty today, eyes blazing with fiery determination. Maxxie had
to admit, he liked her a whole lot better without Tony to drag her down.
His cell vibrated again. Stay alone during the break. I'll meet up with you.
And that was that. Maxxie hid his phone again and ignored the quickened pace of
his heartbeat.
 
~*~
 
He'd been expecting Tony to play around, make him wait the whole lunch break
without showing up, if just to prove who had the upper hand in this game of
theirs. But surprisingly, Tony didn't even wait for Maxxie to get out of the
school building, before cornering him against his locker with his hands left
and right of his head.
"So…" he said softly and smirked slowly.
Maxxie stared up at him, blinked, made his body relax from the tension that had
overtaken the moment Tony pushed into his personal space.
"What, you wanna start this here?" he asked, because he was pretty certain Tony
didn't want this to become public knowledge. Not the bisexual thing, pretty
much everyone knew about that after yesterday – Michelle throwing it into
Abigail's face hadn't much helped the matter either. But the fact that Tony and
Maxxie weren't done yet screwing around… well. Tony might not want that to get
out, in case he had plans with Michelle. He seemed pretty convinced she'd come
back to him.
But who knew. Maxxie knew he had to be careful not to let Tony make most of the
decisions. If he started like that, he could as well give the whole thing up.
This was about Tony not in control. This was about Maxxie being in charge.
"No," Tony said, pressed their bodies together for a second before backing off
immediately. "As fun as that might be to watch, I think this is personal
business."
And if Maxxie wanted to make this whole thing public, well, he'd be certain to
arrange a tape or two just in case. He'd just forget to tell Tony about them.
 
~*~
 
As it was, Maxxie didn't much care when they'd start this whole thing, but he
was a little surprised when instead of yanking him to the next men's room, Tony
simply made his way outdoors to where the group usually hung out. Chris, Jal
and Cassie were sitting there already, talking.
When Jal noticed Tony approaching, she rolled her eyes, grabbed her backpack
and excused herself, not without giving him a reproachful scowl. Maxxie tried
to catch her eye, but she didn't even look at him. He really liked her, she was
feisty and clever and he could kind of understand why she wouldn't talk to him
after what he'd done to Michelle. What he was still doing to Michelle.
He pushed the guilt away and sat down next to Chris, who glanced at him and
held out a joint to share. Maybe at least Chris wasn't too angry with him. He
hadn't given any indication that he cared about the whole fiasco in Russia,
but… well. Maxxie knew about his secret affair with Angie, so maybe he was
appalled, too, and just didn't say so because he was afraid Maxxie would give
him away.
"Thanks," Maxxie said and shook his head. "I got practice later, can't dance
high, can I?"
Chris grinned back at him. "Right, man. Forgot."
He felt a gaze rest on him, half-expected it to be Tony watching him, but when
he turned, it was Cassie. Her eyes were wide open and she was staring at him;
only her gaze kept flickering back to Tony, who was standing a few feet away
from them, just leaning against the small wall and overlooking the grounds.
"So how about that party I mentioned in class? Saturday? Maxxie, how's that
sound? We can ask Anwar to come, too –"
"No, it's all right." Maxxie smiled bitterly. "I'm not sure that's such a good
idea, honestly."
"You guys still all up about the whole gay thing? I don't get it, man, he
didn't mind till now, what's got his knickers in a twist? You didn't try to get
into his pants, did you?"
Maxxie looked at Chris and blinked. "What?"
"I mean, Anwar. He's never minded the gay before, so why the sudden –"
"Oh, fuck you, Chris. You know what… just… I'm going to the canteen to get some
food, I'm hungry."
Chris gave a yelp when Cassie poked him with her elbow. "Wait, what? What did I
say?"
Maxxie heard her dreamy voice as she said, "I think you may have implied that
he's a slut…"
And Tony's chortling reply, "Yes, that may be something of a sore point by
now."
 
~*~
***** Chapter 2 *****
Half past five. A quick glance to his watch showed Maxxie that he was good,
Luce wouldn't be expecting him for half an hour, time enough to get in a quick
shower before he went home.
His cell rang, but he ignored it. It couldn't be important; there was nothing
important happening today. He'd gotten his head free for the dancing earlier,
perfectly mastered his step sequence without any huge mistakes. That was good.
Very good. That meant the thing with Tony wasn't having any effect on his
concentration. That meant he had things under control again and that he wasn't
worrying about it all the time anymore.
He took off his sweat pants and shirt, tousled his hair after removing his cap
and waved at the mirror in passing. The changing rooms were empty; they were
most of the time, when he was scheduled for training.
It was eerily quiet when he stepped into the showers and turned on the water
spray. It felt good to wash off the sweat from his face, his body. He didn't
have quite enough time to linger, so he soaped up quickly, rinsed his hair, and
good ten minutes later emerged again, towel wrapped around his waist.
His clothes were in his training bag and his feet left wet footprints on the
floor as he shuffled over to change into a fresh pair of jeans. In his thoughts
he was already making dinner, wondering whether the mom would be home tonight
or working late again, what the fridge was holding and whether he'd have to run
for groceries before the shops closed, and he didn't even notice the figure
leaning against the doorframe until Tony spoke up.
"Anyone ever tell you to pick up your calls to avoid nasty surprises?"
Maxxie almost jumped in surprise. "Tony. God, make a noise, would you? What are
you doing here?"
"What do you think I'm doing here?"
Maxxie felt stupid wondering whether to let the towel fall to the ground or not
– they'd shared a changing room often enough after sports classes this past
year and anyway, after enough alcohol, you saw people fucking without a care
about the audience. Tony wasn't any exception there…
He shook his head at himself, dropped the towel and grabbed his boxers, put
them on unhurriedly. Tony just watched him, eyes trained on his every move,
mouth curled into a smile.
"I dunno," Maxxie finally replied. "Booty call?"
Apparently, that was Tony's cue to separate from the doorframe, to shut the
door behind himself and come up to him in one fluid movement. A second later,
Maxxie found himself pressed up against the wall, hands on his hips, hard chest
pressed against his own. Tony's hot breath ghosted over his lips, eyes
sparkling.
"You still on?"
Maxxie raised an eyebrow. Interesting. So consent was a requirement this time?
That was different from Russia, Tony apparently wasn't pressuring him by
offering. But then, this time, Maxxie didn't really need his support or
friendship. New game, new rules, it seemed. Well, that figured.
"If you are," he said softly, nodded, then angled his head up only to stop his
lips barely half an inch from Tony's mouth.
Tony lowered his head and took Maxxie's lower lips gently between his teeth.
His hands had left his hips and wandered up his sides, naked skin burning hot
beneath his fingers. Tony's thumbs were rubbing circles while his thigh shot a
sensation of sizzling desire up Maxxie's spine when it pressed snugly against
Maxxie's cock.
Tony bit down, hard, just once, and then he was everywhere. Open-mouthed kisses
descended upon Maxxie's mouth, tongue forcing its way past his lips, and Tony's
right hand wormed itself between Maxxie and the wall, pulling him closer by his
butt. Tony's left hand ran up Maxxie's naked chest, catching last droplets of
water that fell from his hair, rubbed over his nipples, up his collarbone
towards his neck, where it cupped his jaw and pulled their mouths even closer.
Maxxie felt himself respond, circled Tony's waist with his arms and rocked
against him, creating more friction against the thigh between his legs. He
could feel Tony getting hard, could feel his erection against his hip through
Tony's trousers. It was breathlessly sexy, the way Tony rutted up against him,
giving these small throaty sounds that could have been moans if they'd had any
tone of voice. Maxxie closed his eyes, let his head fall back, let Tony maul
his mouth while he concentrated on the feeling of raspy roughness against his
own cock.
They didn't say a word while getting off on each other; a couple of times,
Maxxie could feel Tony wanting to say something, maybe just "Fuck!", maybe
something else, something dirty, maybe how good it felt, but he always stayed
quiet, and then they were both silent, because there wasn't much point to
talking when your tongue was intertwined with that of the other person.
It didn't take them long to climax, a few more jerks of their hips, Tony when
Maxxie put his hand against the front of his trousers and squeezed, which was
just too easy, but probably good enough for now; Maxxie came when Tony slumped
against him, harsh breath on his neck and a lick on his pulse, a nip on the
sensitive skin there, but especially when Tony's fingers brushed against the
cleft of his arse, scorching even through the denim of his jeans.
What Maxxie didn't expect was the almost lazy, very, very slow and very drawn-
out, languid kiss that followed after they'd both ridden it out. He'd been
about to suggest they move, his legs giving away under the weight of his
sluggish body, when Tony drew him in one more time.
He let himself enjoy to slow exploration of his mouth, different from the
hurried frenzy of their kisses before, and he was almost disappointed when Tony
let him go with a last lick against his lips.
And now, he needed another shower. Great. He didn't even know why he'd put his
jeans back on, this would have been way easier without them getting his only
bunch of clean clothes dirty…
Tony flicked his thumb over his lips and then ran it over Maxxie's lower lip
with a wink, before he stepped back and made his way towards the door. "Well,
that was fun."
It had been, but hell was gonna freeze over before Maxxie admitted that out
loud. He was certain there was better out there – it probably wouldn't even be
that hard to find better if he really put his mind to it.
"Oh, by the way?" Tony stopped by the door, looked back – and Maxxie recognized
a dramatic exit when he saw one.
"Don't tell me," he interrupted before Tony could speak. He pulled his shirt
over his head and smiled ironically. "I kiss like a girl?"
Because yes, sometimes, even a Tony Stonem was predictable.
 
~*~
 
Luce was in his room when Maxxie came home, feeling sated, yet strangely
hungry. Tony'd taken off soon enough and there was no knowing when he'd call
Maxxie up again. Maxxie thought maybe it was time he himself did something
about that, but he'd deal with that tomorrow. Right now, there was a little
brother to handle.
The brother was playing a computer game on the computer. Since Maxxie didn't
like it when he played violent shooting games, he'd bought Luce a few strategy
games he thought would be more fitting for an eleven years old boy.
"Hey, little man. How was school today?" he asked as he stepped through the
door. "Is mom home yet?"
"No," Luce replied and paused his game. "I think she mentioned that she's gonna
be out past eleven today. Can I stay up later today? Till she gets home?"
"School's tomorrow, cub. You know how you can't get up in the morning if you go
to bed late."
"Just till she gets home?" Luce squinted up at him, puppy eyes in full force.
"She won't be mad at you when I tell her I used the cutesy face on you."
"I don't know… maybe. If she comes home before eleven? And you could tell me
how school was now," Maxxie said and leaned against the doorframe. "Is
everything all right? How was the maths exam? And don't tell me you didn't have
one, because I heard you complaining to Matt about it."
Luce pouted. "Stop listening in on my phone calls."
Maxxie smirked. "I was just passing by."
"Yeah, sure. It was pretty good, I think I did fine." He turned back to the
computer, clicked to continue the game.
Luce wasn't really hard to handle, and Maxxie knew he could have been dealt so
much worse. He was really grateful that his brother wasn't one of those rebels
who only ever did the opposite of what you asked them to do. Still, it was hard
to talk to him sometimes.
"What are you here for anyway? Surely not to ask how school's going?" Luce
shrugged. "Because I told you more than once already that it's fine."
"Actually, I… do need to talk to you about something."
"What?"
"You've got bruises on your calves and all over your back, Luce." Maxxie
scrutinized his little brother carefully, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Care to tell me where you got those?"
"Football." Luce smiled up at him. "If that's what you're worried about,
honest, it's nothing, believe me. Last Saturday was a difficult game, the guys
from Bridgwater foul like crazy. You should see the bruises after we have a
game against Glastonbury, we all look like we've just come back from WWII."
"So there's no one bothering you at school?"
"No! I told you. If there was something, I'd tell you, really. Look, don't
worry, okay? We've been here for a year now, I got friends, everything's fine."
Maxxie narrowed his eyes. "So at first, it wasn't fine?"
"Come on, it's always hard to fit into a class you didn't go to from the start.
You didn't really believe –"
"You didn't say anything! Goddamnit, Luce, I told you to come tell me if
someone gave you shit."
"C'mon, Maxxie, calm down, bro. I know you told me, but I had it under control.
It was just a couple fights – which I won, by the way. Well, most of them. And
anyway, what could you have done? I know how you're about fighting. You don't
like hurting people. And –"
"And what?"
"Nothing." Luce didn't look at him, just turned back to his computer, cheeks
reddening.
"What? Luce, fuck it, what the –"
"It's because you like boys, okay?"
Maxxie felt like he'd just been dealt a kick to his teeth. "Excuse me?"
"Well, you wanted to know, didn't you? I didn't want to tell you, but you
always have to nag and nag and ask…"
"And?"
"Someone found out about you being like that; and the tap-dancing. And then
some of the guys from my class kept mouthing off. I told you, it's no big deal
–"
"No big deal? They probably – I don't even want to know what they did to you,
and you didn't tell me? And then you lied to me about it, too?"
"I didn't want you or mom to worry, okay? Can't you just leave it?"
"Luce… you… you shouldn't fight, you… you got hurt!" Maxxie swallowed. Great.
Great, he'd – well, he'd always known it would be difficult for himself, people
didn't always like him because he was gay, and some were downright mean about
it, he'd had to fight a few times himself so he wouldn't get hurt, but for them
to attack Luce over this?
"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to, and they started it!" Luce stared at him
sullenly, then started shutting the computer down to busy himself. Apparently,
he'd given up on finishing his game. After a few moments of silence, he added
again, "I'm really sorry. I thought… I thought it was the right thing to do, to
stand up for you and stuff. Honestly, you're the best big brother I could have;
I really don't care if you like boys? They were just talking shit and I put
them straight about it. Really. Don't look at me like that, Maxxie, okay?"
Something about this sounded off. Something… something just wasn't right, but
with the big lump of lead that seemed to have formed in his stomach, Maxxie
couldn't think properly. It might have been the question mark in that sentence,
or the way Luce thought he needed to defend himself when he'd been the hero in
the whole thing, the one who'd defended Maxxie, not like it should have been,
the other way around…
"I." Maxxie rubbed his eyes, tired. "I don't… okay. Fine. If… if you're sure
you're okay. I. Hm. I'm going to get something to eat now. I think."
The worst thing was, he probably could do nothing about this. He couldn't…
there was nothing he could do to keep Luce safe, was there? He could go and
mess some of those assholes up a bit, but… but they'd only get more angry and
that would only hurt Luce more and… damnit.
And then, in addition, there was the fact that he wasn't sure Luce had been
honest, that he had a sneaking suspicion that Luce was better at lying than he
let on - and fucking hell, but that hurt.
 
~*~
 
Usually, Maxxie was in his room, studying or reading, or already asleep when
his mother came home. It was well past eleven when he heard the key turn in the
door and someone entered softly, without making much noise.
This time, he wasn't in his room. He was sitting in the dark, buried in the
armchair by the TV, staring out the window into the backyard.
That was why his mother jumped in surprise when she turned on the light in the
living room and found him sitting there, unmoving.
"Maxxie," she said and glared. "Boy, make some noise, you're going to give me a
heart attack."
"Sorry, mom." Maxxie flushed and shrugged. "I didn't think."
"Right." It took her another minute before she was over the shock, then she
softened. She put her briefcase on the couch and approached him, crouched by
the armchair and gave his hair a quick stroke before she pressed a tiny kiss to
his forehead. "Love, what are you doing up so late?"
Carys Hall was barely in her mid-thirties, looked a little older, but not a
year over forty. The boys both had their blonde hair from her; it fell over her
shoulders in soft waves, but not naturally. Maxxie knew she did it every
morning, because it looked good on her, and she knew how important looking good
was in her job. Her eyes were a warm, brown hazel, not at all like his own.
"I don't know," he replied and rubbed his eyes. "I was just thinking, I
guess..."
She cocked her head, raised her eyebrow. "You can talk to me, you know that,
right?"
Anger boiled up in him at that. "Yeah? When? In the middle of the night, when I
know how tired you are, and am tired myself and everything's just... everything
just sucks and I have to wait hours and hours for you to come home?"
"I'm sorry, sweetie," she said and rubbed his upper arm, voice layered with
concern. "I'm sorry I have to work so late all the time. You know I can't help
that, I –"
"Are you fucking the boss? Is that why he makes you stay up with him so long
every day? Are you scre-"
Her eyes hardened immediately. "Watch your mouth, Max. I may not be home enough
lately to take care of you boys, and believe me, there is nothing I regret more
than that. But I'm still your mother, and you better stop acting like your
father right now before I get truly angry."
Maxxie recoiled back into the armchair with a strangled sound and screwed his
eyes shut. He remembered arguments between his parents, back in London, when
their apartment had been smaller; he remembered Luce pressed against him, where
he'd put his hands over his little brother's ears to keep him from hearing,
little whore, you're screwing him, aren't you, I saw you, you bitch, probably
tired of fucking him all day and that's the reason you're not putting out for
your husband anymore, isn't that right, you filthy cunt
"I'm not," he said softly, biting his lower lip, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to
say that, I really, I was just angry. I'm sorry, mom, I'm not like him, really
–" he choked.
"I know. I know you're not, come here," and she pulled him to her chest, cool
hand against his cheek. "It's okay. Just tell me, all right? What is it that
upset you so badly? You're not usually that angry so easily."
He sighed and pulled away then, turned his face towards the window. "It's Luce.
He's…"
She took a deep breath. "Is he okay? Maxxie, if – I know you love him more than
anything, but if he's getting insufferable –"
"No, no, that's not it at all. It's… he's black and blue from a beating he
took."
"In school?" Maxxie could see how her breathing quickened, how her eyes grew
fearful. "Older kids?"
"I don't know… maybe. He didn't exactly want to say more than necessary, just…
mom, he got beaten up because of me!"
"Because of you? Why? I don't – oh. Oh, you mean…"
"Because I'm gay and because I like to dance and because kids are so, so cruel
and he's got nothing to do with it, I… I mean, he kind of, apparently, he stood
up for me, but I don't know, it sounded… something's not okay about this, he
sounded… strange when he said it and like maybe, he isn't quite that okay with
me being gay and maybe he stood up for me because he wanted to prove it to me
or something, and… I don't think I can live with my little brother getting
tormented in school because I can't keep it in the closet…"
"Oh, love. I'm so sorry." She tried a smile that failed miserably and held him
some more, but she didn't say a word, and Maxxie kind of didn't want her to say
anything about that outburst, because he knew if she said something, he'd
probably start crying and he couldn't bear that thought right now, really. He
didn't want to cry, he wanted to do something. He wanted to protect Luce, he
needed to get his act together.
He just didn't know how.
 
~*~
 
Sometime around midnight, Maxxie had crawled into bed and he woke up the next
morning with a heavy feeling in his stomach that hadn't quite vanished from the
day before.
He knew it was ridiculous; it wasn't like he could do anything about any of
what was happening. He couldn't protect Luce, and while Luce had sworn he had
it under control and nothing would happen to him, the fear alone was there and
he couldn't stop thinking about it. He couldn't help imagining it, how they
kicked and punched him, four or five of them against one slim, little boy and
it made him want to puke his guts out.
He knew, rationally, that obsessing about it wouldn't do him much good. Lying
in bed, eyes closed, seeing pictures like in a movie flashing before his mind's
eye wasn't helping. At all. So in the end, Maxxie dragged himself out of bed
and into the bathroom to take a quick shower before school. The bathroom mirror
showed him the dark shadows under his eyes, which he always got when he spent
too much of the time before sleep mulling over problems he couldn't push away.
Psychology again today, History, English, and he had to do well at the tap-
dancing this afternoon, he had to. He'd been working so hard, and competitions
were coming up in a couple of weeks… yesterday had been an improvement, but
that had been yesterday, and today he felt like he couldn't remember a single
step sequence…
And then, in addition, there was Tony, and he hadn't even given Tony another
thought when Luce had come up, because obviously, Luce was so much more
important… but he'd been wanting to google everything he could find out about
sociopathy and how to deal with it, how to react to it, what to do in case it
got out of hand… now there was no time anymore.
A glance at the clock told him it was way past seven already and that he'd
better hurry up if he wanted to have some breakfast before they would leave for
school.
"Luce!" he yelled and banged against his brother's door before hurrying into
the kitchen and starting on the tea.
For a long while, there was no sound at all, then, finally a mumble of "'m
awake, 'm awake," while Luce dragged himself across the hallway and into the
bathroom. The grunts and exclaims of how early it was yet made a weak smile
appear on Maxxie's face. Luce? Not much of a morning person.
"Hurry up!" he shouted, which made Luce hammer against the bathroom door in
protest. Maxxie snorted. "The tea is ready!
 
~*~
 
It happened right before the free period, surprised the heck out of Maxxie
himself and apparently, Tony too. One minute they were walking out of English
class, Tony smirking at something Chris had said, the next, he had grabbed Tony
by the arm and pulled him along, leaving a speechless Jal and a smiling Cassie
behind.
"What the f-"
"My turn," Maxxie interrupted coolly, took the next turn and prompted them both
into the changing room, where he unceremoniously slammed Tony up against one of
the lockers and proceeded to maul him as violently as he could.
 
~*~
 
Tony ran the back of his hand over his swollen lips and buttoned his pants up.
He rearranged his shirt and checked it for stains. Maxxie watched him during
the whole procedure, leaning a few feet away from him against the wall, arms
crossed in front of his chest.
He wasn't sure why he'd needed this so badly, but strangely enough, he felt a
lot better than before. It was like at least part of the weight had been lifted
off him, like there was one thing less he had to think of.
"So what was this all about?" Tony finally asked when he was finished examining
and had let go of his shirt. Now, he was propped against the locker casually
and smiling.
The smile was uncannily knowing. It made Maxxie uncomfortable to think that
Tony might know anything about what was going on inside him right know;
anything about the turmoil and fear and worry and loving exasperation he felt
whenever he thought of Luce.
He pushed the thoughts away, concentrated on what was here, right now.
"I felt like getting off," he said, tried to act as unaffected as possible. He
moved over to check himself in the mirror one last time before he turned
towards the door. "You might tuck your shirt in like it was before, you know.
People might notice."
Tony just smiled again. "They can think whatever they want."
 
~*~
 
Tony left first. He didn't make another comment about the sex, just zipped up
and pushed the door open with a last wave at Maxxie.
Only then did Maxxie let himself fall against the wall with a sigh. The back of
his head hit hard against the tiles, but he didn't quite feel the pain. God, he
really shouldn't be dicing with death, playing with fire, and all those nice
metaphors people conjured up for when they knew they were doing something they
really, really shouldn't be doing.
Well, it was too late now. And maybe… well, he did feel better. Like he'd lost
some of the tension he'd been holding on to for too long. So maybe it wasn't
all bad, maybe there were some good things to this arrangement. And if Tony
learned just one little thing about compassion from it, it would certainly be
worth it.
And also, free sex. He didn't kid himself one bit about it; that was a big
plus.
It took him another ten minutes to get his head together properly to be able to
face other people. When he got out of the changing room, he almost crashed into
Michelle, who'd just been passing with a girl from their maths classes.
They both gave him completely weirded-out looks, which was… well. Kind of
understandable. It was the women's changing room he'd just come out of. He
half-closed his eyes in mortification (great, just great, another rumour making
its way around the campus) and was surprised when they just walked past without
a comment, eyes front and not faltering.
"Sorry," he mumbled, flushing in guilt, when he realized he wouldn't be able to
avoid bumping into Michelle slightly, even though he moved out of the way for
her; she didn't give him an inch to work with.
"You know him?" the other girl whispered to Michelle as they walked on.
Michelle didn't look back, and he didn't hear her answer.
Maxxie stood stock-still, unable to breathe, until they were around the corner,
then, finally managed to fill his lungs with air again. Michelle, though…
Michelle was a wholly different universe. He liked her, he really did. She was
nice; a little arrogant at times, maybe, but she always had a friendly word and
she was fun to talk to. Fun to draw. He didn't want to think what it would do
to their already broken friendship if she found out Tony was still…
She didn't know, though. She had no idea that Tony was… manipulative and, and
unemotional. Maxxie buried his hands in his pockets and frowned, but went on
walking towards the exit.
She'd been his girlfriend for over a year now, though, maybe longer. How could
she… she must have noticed something, right? Maybe he should talk to her about
it. But that would mean coming clean that he was getting off with Tony, and.
Maxxie didn't want to give her that kind of power. Nor did he want to lose
whatever advantage he had over Tony.
The last thought made him stop dead, surprised at himself. God, he should be
appalled for even thinking something like that, but before he could really
digest it, a figure stood before him, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. The
sun was shining brightly into his eyes and he had to squint to recognize who it
was.
"Cassie?"
"It's quite lovely, isn't it?" she smiled and took his hand, stringing him
along across the lawn.
"What is lovely?" Maxxie glanced at her. Of their group of friends, she was
maybe the one he knew least. They'd never really spent any time alone together,
just the two of them, and in the group, it was hard to get her to talk. They
had had a few conversations, random small talk, but she'd spent so much time at
the clinic and before that, he'd been new to the group so they hadn't had much
opportunity… but he knew one thing. He knew she could be really strange
sometimes.
"It feels lovely, doesn't it?" she repeated, beaming at him, brighter maybe
even than the sun, and her blonde hair moved a little in the breeze. She wore
it open today, curls falling all over her back and around her face. It made her
seem much more tiny than she already was.
"Cassie…" he looked around and noticed she'd taken him into the shadows of one
of the far-away trees that were mostly unoccupied because the free period would
be over in a minute and most students were already heading back to the
classrooms.
"You looked so sad this morning, when I saw you," she continued, squeezing his
hand. "I was thinking to sit for you, so you could draw me."
Maxxie looked up at that. "You would? I'd love that. The last picture I made of
you turned out very beautiful, even Sid – uhm." He swallowed.
"Don't worry," she beamed. "He's been totally lovely to me."
"He has, has he?"
"Yes. Yes, totally."
And that was the moment Maxxie realized Cassie had somehow managed to make him
sit down on the grass, even though Maxxie didn't really want to, because he had
classes. She sat down close to him, face towards the sun, letting it shine on
her like it would somehow make her grow.
"Does Michelle know?" she suddenly asked.
"Wait – what?" Maxxie squinted at her, trying to see the look in her eyes, but
she had them closed. He could feel a heavy thud in his stomach and suddenly,
his heart beat slowed, in expectance of something terrible.
"No, of course not, silly me." She laughed a little. "Michelle really loves
him, I think. Or loved. Him. Sid does – but anyway. Do you love him, too?
Lovely Tony… He's awfully easy to love, isn't he?
"What?" His heart was beating like a sledge hammer, every contraction more
painful than the next.
"It's lovely, isn't it?" She said again, this time, face turned towards him,
smile knowing. "The feeling after you've fucked someone?"
Maxxie opened his mouth, but he couldn't make a sound. His stomach churned with
fear.
"You look pale. Are you sure you're all right? Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry, I wasn't
supposed to – oh, don't worry, I won't tell anyone." She smiled sweetly. "You
seemed less sad when you returned. Does he cheer you up? It's all right. I
won't tell, honestly!"
"We're not – I mean. It's not like… that…"
"Like what?" Her eyes widened. "Did I say anything wrong?"
"No. No, you didn't, I'm sorry, I… we're not dating or anything," Maxxie tried
to save the situation. Maybe she'd take that as a hint that they weren't
fucking either.
"You're not, are you," she replied instead, calm. "I thought you mightn't. He's
awfully hard to have as a boyfriend, I'd guess. He's very… Tony." She beamed at
him.
The bell sounded to call them back to classes, free period over, but Maxxie
didn't dare to stand up. He didn't dare to move; in case he did something wrong
and she decided to tell everyone. About them. She knew; gods. She knew, but how
had she found out? If she knew, the others had to know as well…
"Do…" he hesitated, but why. It wasn't like it mattered anyway now. "Do any of
the others know? Did you… hear them say anything?" he asked cautiously.
Cassie's smile vanished and she looked up, into the sky. "No, they're never
gonna know. They're not watching people. They're watching themselves; except
maybe Michelle. Michelle might, if she decides to stop thinking about herself
and starts watching Tony again. Like she did before they were boyfriend and
girlfriend. She knew how many girls he had every week. She thought she was
special…"
"She is special!" Maxxie protested. "It's Tony. He doesn't see how special
people are!"
"He doesn't, does he? Do you think he'll see how special you are?" She stared
at him inquiringly. Her eyes were huge, half-hidden behind her glowing hair.
"It's different, me and him," Maxxie said helplessly. "It's just… you know."
"Ah." Cassie nodded, got up from the grass, held out a hand to him to help him
up. "We should get to class. The teacher will be a bit annoyed, I suppose." She
turned in a circle around herself, skirt floating, as he caught up with her.
"Let me handle it." She smiled brightly.
Maxxie watched her open-mouthed.
At the entrance to the college, she gripped the door handle, back to him, and
he didn't see her face at all, when she said, "It's never just sex." And her
voice sounded a little bit stranger and a little bit sadder than her usual
fluttery self.
 
~*~
 
Chris accosted him after school, grinning at him as they walked home together.
They sometimes did, when their classes ended at the same time, though not so
much lately, whenever Chris stayed to do some work for Angie or Maxxie went to
practice right after school.
"You've been really quiet, man," Chris finally commented. Maxxie had noticed
him glancing back and forth between himself and the street, but hadn't known
what to say, exactly.
"I don't know. Don't feel like talking, I guess," he said.
"Are you mad at me?" Chris sounded lost. "Cuz I'm really sorry about the thing
I said about you and Anwar, if that's it, I didn't mean…"
"No, no, I'm not mad at you. Believe me. It's not you. Well, except for the
fact that we don't spend all that much time together anymore, but that's okay,
I guess. What with you and Angie…"
"We're not really… dating or anything," Chris shrugged, flushing. "It was just…
Russia, you know. Like you and Tony. A one-time thing."
Maxxie swallowed and rubbed the back of his neck. Right. "I think she likes you
a lot, Chris. Maybe you should stop pursuing her so much and give her a bit of
space and then ask her what she wants."
Chris grinned widely at him. "Thanks, Maxxie. If my methods fail, I'll try
yours, 'kay?"
Maxxie had to grin back. "Yeah, man. You do that."
"Now, 'nuff about me, aye? What's got you down so much lately? Is it still
Anwar being a wanker about your gay business? Because Maxxie, I don't… I don't
get it, yeah? I mean, it's great whatever you are, you're you, yes?" He
frowned. "I mean to say with that… that I like you no matter who you fuck."
Maxxie had to snort at that. "Yeah. Thanks, Chris. That means a lot to me."
Chris nodded, pleased.
"It's not that, though."
"What is it, then? It's not still Tony, is it?"
Maxxie's head snapped up at that. "Wait, what? What are you saying, still Tony
what?"
"Well, the whole thing in Russia, right? Michelle's really pissed at you, and
so is Jal, therefore, and I think Sid, a little, and… yeah. Tony. Well, Tony
can be a bit of a wanker sometimes, right. I mean. The nerve of the tosser…"
"No, it's okay, Chris really, I'm dealing with that. Honestly, it's… it's not
that either. I mean, that does suck, a lot, but… I let him, right? So it's my
fault, and Michelle's right to be hating me. I'd hate me too." He bit his lip.
He didn't even notice Chris inching closer until Chris had an arm around his
shoulders and pulled his head down in a head-lock, tussling his hair. "Stop
making that face, man," he said and let go after a minute. "Makes me all
depressed. 's not your fault. And anyway, it'll blow over soon, you'll see.
Tony'll make it up to Michelle and once they're back together, she's gonna
forgive you."
"Yeah." Maxxie didn't know why that sounded awful to his ears, but it did. He
really didn't want to see that expression on Michelle's face again, the
betrayed one, the vulnerable, heart-broken one, the one he had been responsible
for this time. Damnit. Now he was down because of Tony.
"So what was the other thing?" Chris asked curiously. "Luce?"
Maxxie nodded. Then he thought, if he could tell anyone, it would be Chris.
Chris would understand, because from what he'd heard of Chris, the other boy
had had his fair share of bullying in school to live through as well, for being
kind of dorky. Kids really always did find a thing to dislike, didn't they?
"Someone in school beat him up. And I think during football practice, too,
though he wouldn't say."
"What? Why?"
"'cuz of me." Maxxie ran his thumb over the strap of his backpack over his
shoulder and looked to the ground. "I destroy everything, don't I?"
"Yeah, man. You're like, The Destroyer, man. Watch your step, you might crush a
bug. Now that would be your fault truly." Chris rolled his eyes. One could
always depend on him to break off the emo mood.
"It's not funny."
"No, it's not. But you are, kind of. It's not like you made them beat little
Luce up… did you?"
"No!" Maxxie scowled. "Of course not."
"So." Chris cuffed Maxxie in the side, grinning. "It's not really your fault."
"Right." Maxxie sighed.
Then they had to part ways, and Chris sprinted off towards his apartment,
waving a bit. His mom was waiting for him with dinner, maybe. The thought of
food always made Chris hurry. Maxxie laughed a bit and quickened his steps
himself. He had to make dinner for himelf first. And Luce was probably hungry,
already, as well.
 
~*~
 
"I heard you talking to Mum yesterday."
It was a simple statement; Luce took a potato out of the pan onto his plate and
didn't even look at Maxxie when he said it. He didn't sound angry or hurt, just
calm, as if that talk had been inevitable anyway.
"We had a fight," Maxxie admitted, feeling himself redden.
"About me?" That made Luce look up, eyes wide. "What –"
"NO! Not about you. I… about her, never being here, with us. And not being
there for us."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"And?"
"And nothing. We… kind of quit while we were ahead."
"So she's not going to be home more often from now on." Luce sighed, his little
forehead wrinkling in displeasure.
"I'm sorry." Maxxie killed his bit of bacon by spearing it a few more times
than necessary with his fork.
"'s not your fault. 's nobody's fault."
"Luce…"
"No, it's fine. I get it, Maxxie. And anyway, you're here, aren't you, and
you're awesome." Luce grinned, flushing. "Your food's awesome."
Maxxie ducked his head. "But I still couldn't protect y –"
"Stop it. Don't. Please?" Luce stared at him with bright eyes, willing him to
drop it. "Can we not talk about that anymore? I really don't want to talk about
that anymore. Please?"
"Just –"
"No. Please?"
Maxxie subdued and chewed quietly after that. What else could he say? It wasn't
like Luce could be forced to talk about it; and what good would talking about
it do anyway.
 
~*~
 
The next few days passed in a hurry, more or less quietly; things started to
get back to normal – well, as normal as was possible under the circumstances,
with their group falling apart all around him. There was tap dancing, preparing
for the nationals; the New York City tap festival was coming up, and there were
always two or three candidates chosen from England who were picked and were
financed a few months at the ATDF's Training Programs, supported by the Gregory
Hines Youth Scholarship Fund. Going to New York… he hadn't been good enough
last year, but he'd be giving it another shot this year. He'd become so much
better. He was good. He knew he could do it, beat the competition, make his way
out of this shitty town and into the big city.
There were still classes, of course, and getting together with Chris for the
biology project… he'd wanted to do that with Anwar, they'd already picked a
topic together, Human Evolution and how it coincides with human DNA findings.
But Anwar had been asked by a girl from their classes and said yes to her, and
anyway, they weren't speaking for now, so that was probably just as well.
There wasn't a lot of time to worry about Tony over the course of the days. In
between times, during breaks and whatnot, he did catch glimpses of the other
boy, mostly following Michelle around, in a poor imitation of her circling him
most of the year before.
It would have been funny to watch – Tony grovelling for her forgiveness – if it
didn't have the bitter aftertaste of wrongness and lies. He knew Tony wasn't
truthful, that this wasn't serious. So Maxxie constantly wavered between
telling Michelle, and keeping Tony's secret… secret. He knew Tony was probably
playing a game again; maybe he was looking to get her back, just to dump her in
a day's time, to prove that he could. So instead of being funny, it was just
painful to watch.
And then, it was a week to the day they'd started their arrangement.
Maxxie was sitting in front of the TV, watching Batman Begins on DVD as he kept
watch of his little brother and his friends running around the house, wreaking
havoc. Luce had invited some boys over for video games… but they had taken to
play a sort of agent-spy role play, apparently, that required shooting at
things and shattering glass. Maxxie had had to remind them twice already not to
throw stuff.
His cell phone rang just as the movie started to get interesting. Maxxie picked
up without taking his eyes off the screen, flipped it open, "Yep?"
"Hey. So, you wanna come over to my place?"
Tony. Right. Of course, who else. Chris always came over unannounced, his mom
called the stationary phone and Anwar… well, Anwar had stopped calling lately.
Nobody else felt like talking to him, it seemed.
"Maxxie?"
"I can't," he said heavily. He could use a good fuck right now, though. His
muscles were aching from his earlier dancing. He felt tense and strained, and
the boys were really grating on his nerves, yelling all over the house,
'cocksucker' only one of the tamer insults they kept throwing at each other.
"You can't?"
"My little brother's having friends over, and I gotta baby-sit. Can't leave
them alone to torch the house and return to ruins later."
"Seriously? How old's your bro, four years? Five?"
"Eleven and then some."
"Bugger."
"Yeah. Sorry."
"Why? You bored?" Tony's voice told Maxxie that he was smirking.
"Not so much bored as annoyed that they can't stay in his room as he promised,
and play video games, like good kids nowadays."
"Ah, yeah. Effy's not that much of a pain in the ass." Tony grinned.
"Hey, watch it, 'kay? Luce is not a pain."
"Yeah, no sweat." Tony snorted. "Overprotective, are we?"
"Shut up, you twat. What would you know about it?"
Tony laughed. "So, what's the plan for today?"
He sounded honestly curious, so Maxxie gave in and told him. "Not a lot. Finish
my movie, make the boys some dinner. They'll get hungry in an hour or so, I'm
sure."
"Ah." Pause, then, "So, are you hard already?" There was a flirty echo to
Tony's words that Maxxie picked up on immediately.
"Sure, Tone," Maxxie rolled his eyes. "The sound of your voice alone turns me
on so much, I'm gonna come in a second."
"Thought so." Tony laughed again. "Do you want me to come over and watch the
movie with you? Keep you some company so that you don't die of boredom and
annoyance?"
For a second, Maxxie hesitated. It wasn't… this wasn't… but they weren't just
fucking, were they... They were friends, too. Had been friends, before, so why
not? Might as well take the chance, and hell, what was the worst that could
happen? Tony could fuck it up and Maxxie would throw him out.
"Fine," he finally said. "Come over, then. Bring some snacks, though, if you
want some, because I have nothing here except for the lasagna I plan to make.
Mum will be bringing home groceries tonight, hopefully."
"No problem." Tony hung up.
Maxxie put the phone down, his feet back on the table and crossed his arms
behind his head, wondering whether this had been a wrong move. He just wanted
someone to talk to. Tony probably wanted to fuck. Not that Maxxie didn't want
to fuck either, but…
 
~*~
 
It didn't take Tony more than fifteen minutes to make his way over. It occurred
to Maxxie, when he let Tony in, that Tony'd never been here before; only Anwar
and Chris had really ever visited him at home.
Of course, they didn't finish the movie. Ten minutes into it, Tony had his hand
down Maxxie's pants, jerking him off while pressing open-mouthed kisses onto
his lips, their tongues intertwined.
"We… we should take this to my room, maybe," Maxxie panted against Tony's
mouth, stilling Tony's hand where it was closed around Maxxie's hard-on. Living
room action was all fine and dandy, but not with the little brother running
around the house. That could get sticky.
"Whatever you want." Tony sounded breathless himself, lips dark red and
swollen.
"I want you to blow me," Maxxie whispered then, pulled him into another kiss.
"I thought I was no good at it," Tony smirked, cocking his head to the side.
"I'll let you practice a lot," Maxxie grinned back.
"Fine."
~*~
And Tony really wasn't all bad at it, this time. He'd somehow learned to keep
his teeth off Maxxie's cock and to work his tongue against the head, which made
Maxxie shudder beneath his hands.
He felt the springs of his bed bounce under his weight, felt the wetness of
Tony's mouth around his dick, let himself fall back against the wall with a
thud when Tony took it deeper. The image of Tony on the floor, kneeling before
him, completed the whole picture, made it better, somehow.
It wasn't the best blowjob Maxxie had ever had – that one was still by courtesy
of an older guy, a competitor's trainer he'd met at one of the exhibitions –
but it was way good enough to get him off.
He felt Tony's hands on his hips, ran his own fingers up and down Tony's neck
and spine until he couldn't hold it any more, and came, with a small moan, in
Tony's mouth, something he should have maybe thought about before; but then,
Tony didn't seem to mind all that much.
"You okay?" he asked, still gasping from the height, when he could speak again.
His fingers tightened on Tony's neck and shoulder when Tony stood up and
hovered over him for a moment.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just…" Tony smiled, grasped his hand and pulled it to
his own groin, which was the height of Maxxie's eyes now, and by that showing
him the erection that was straining against his trousers.
"Let's get those off, then," Maxxie said agreeably, leaning forwards, and
popped the button before he unzipped and pushed the trousers down towards
Tony's ankles.
Tony'd lost his shirt before they had even started, as had Maxxie, and they
were both naked now.
"You gonna return the favour?" Tony asked. He took a step forward and pulled
Maxxie's head towards his hips, as if willing him to suck his cock by pure
force alone would be enough.
Maxxie looked up instead, at Tony's face and smirked. "Maybe."
 
~*~
 
They were freshly showered as they came down into the kitchen; Luce appeared
almost immediately out of the living room, where the DVD had stopped playing
long ago and showed only blue screen, asking to take out the disc.
He gave Tony's wet hair a weird look, raised his brows at Maxxie, before he
asked, "Are you gonna make us dinner?"
Tony sat down at the table, put his chin on his hand and grinned up at Maxxie.
"You should teach the brat some please and thank you-s," he commented. "Or else
he'll have you catering after him for as long as he can get away with it."
Maxxie rolled his eyes and just nodded at Luce. "Half an hour. I'll come call
you boys when I'm done, how's that?"
"Thanks, Maxxie." Luce stuck his tongue out at Tony and then vanished through
the living room entry again.
"Brat," Tony repeated.
Maxxie shrugged. "Mind your own business." Then, "Are you staying for food
then?"
Tony grinned. "I can help making it. I'm good at cooking, believe it or not."
"Lasagna?"
"I'm the King of Lasagna!"
Maxxie rolled his eyes again, this time amused. It was really hard to stay curt
with Tony, he realized after a few moments of consideration. Especially, he
noted, when the other boy was wearing that tender smile, combined with the
fucked-silly expression on his face.
 
~*~
***** Chapter 3 *****
They both had a free period Friday after break. Tony seemed to consider that
perfect timing for them to have another tryst in the teachers' bathroom – the
one for women, of course. When they entered the empty room, he was on his knees
in a second, pulling Maxxie's zipper down with his teeth before pulling down
his trousers and boxers.
Within a minute, he had Maxxie's cock between his lips and was trying to fit as
much into his mouth as he could, while fighting not to choke. It wasn't a lot,
admittedly, because he simply wasn't used to sucking guys off, but he was doing
well enough, licking enthusiastically.
Maxxie wasn't sure why Tony liked the thought of this so much, why he thought
giving another boy a blowjob was something you had to have experienced at least
once in your life… but he wasn't complaining. He hadn't gotten this much action
since his last boyfriend, and even back then, Nathan and him had been less
about the sex and more about companionship and getting to terms with their
sexuality.
Tony let go of his cock with a small pop and smirked up at him. His eyes were
scorching. Maxxie sucked in a deep breath and tried not to come on his face.
That would be embarrassing.
"So?" Tony asked.
"Uhm… what?"
"How am I doing?"
Maxxie tried to look as nonchalant as possible while shrugging. "Pretty well,
if you ask my dick," he joked.
Tony didn't seem elated. "So what else is there?" he asked. He sounded almost
irritated. "I'm sucking and licking. What else?"
Oh. Oooooh, right. Maxxie let his head fall back against the wall with a half-
snort. He couldn't help it. Laughter bubbled up at the back of his throat. "If
you think licking is all there is to it," he smirked, "you've obviously had
nothing but pussy before."
That seemed to irritate Tony. He glared and his eager expression changed into a
scowl quickly enough. "Do you want to teach me here, or what?" he demanded.
Maxxie snickered. Someone didn't like to be teased. Heh. He took Tony's head
between his hands gently and led him near his cock again. "You can lick," he
said, trying not to blush. "Like, just the head, and then work your way back to
my… my balls. I… I tend to think that it feels nice. It's not all about my
dick, you know. And… well, you can try to use your hands more, to kind of…
well. You know. Try things out; just touch and like, tug and stuff. You have to
find out what people like individually, since not everyone likes the same
thing… but that's the things I like, off the top of my head."
"Oh. Hm." Tony squinted up at him with a speculating look in his eyes. "You
mean to combine hand- and blowjobs works better. Uh-huh. Okay."
A moment later, he was working Maxxie's balls in his right hand while nipping
at his cock, letting his tongue play. Maxxie breathed, first slowly, then
quicker. That was better. Waaay better.
 
~*~
 
Friday was also the day Maxxie's mother quit work earlier than usual; she was
home at seven in the evening that day, which was just in time for dinner.
"Look, Mum!" Luce screeched when she came in through the door with her
briefcase and her long dark-red coat. "Look, Maxxie's teaching me how to make
rice! I cut the carrots without cutting my finger! And I got to choose how
spicy the sauce is, and I made it really, really spicy!"
Maxxie grinned at his mum and shrugged. "I had to let him," he mouthed. "He
said it tasted horrible!"
Carys laughed. "I'm sure it's delicious now." She put her coat over her seat
and went back to the door. "I'm going to go shower quick and I'll be back
really soon, okay? Then we can eat."
"Fine," Maxxie agreed.
The meal was pretty quiet, only filled with the occasional chatter from Luce,
who was talking about their football match the next day and how he'd passed his
maths exam, even though he hadn't studied a lot. Maxxie did realize that his
mum was being somewhat quiet, but not quieter than usually, so he didn't
interrupt the meal to ask what was wrong.
They usually either watched a silly movie which they could make fun of together
after dinner, or played a game. That evening, Luce was the one to pick and he
insisted on being taught how to play poker.
"All boys in my class talk about it!" he said and turned on the puppy eyes,
bouncing up and down next to Maxxie's seat. He put his arms around Maxxie's
waist and grinned at him with a big-ass smile.
Maxxie rolled his eyes and threw his mother a questioning glance. Luce's grin
grew wider. Carys scrutinized Luce's face for a few moments, as if to say,
'aren't you a bit young for Poker?' But she didn't say that; instead, she
smiled, pushed a lock behind her ear and smirked. "Get the cards out, then."
Luce squealed in happiness.
 
~*~
 
It was a nice game, even though Luce couldn't keep his mouth shut about his
cards; not that it mattered a lot, since he had the devil's luck and beat the
pants off Maxxie and their mum. A hand of Full House was not a big challenge
for Luce.
Maxxie leaned back in his armchair and closed his eyes when Carys went to put
the little one to bed; they'd played with chocolate bars for stakes. Luce
wasn't going to fall asleep quickly today, that was for sure. Maxxie bit into
his last one (he'd had two left after Luce was finished with him) and chewed,
the sweet taste flooding his mouth.
He wondered why his mum had been so quiet today. She'd been teasing and joking
as usual, and even reprimanded Luce for eating half his stake because she knew
exactly how hyperactive Luce got when he had too much sugar too late in the
evening. But something was off; he always knew when something was up with her.
He'd known shortly before she'd split his father, he'd known when she'd fallen
in love with Bianca. He just had that knack for telling whenever she was
thinking hard about something.
When Carys returned to the living room, he was ready.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong now?" he asked softly. She seemed
stressed, and her hair was no longer as perfectly in place as it had been when
she'd come home. Luce must have put up something of a fight.
To her credit, she didn't pretend not to know what he was talking about. She
didn't even blame Luce for her agitated state; instead, she sat down on the
couch opposite him and ran her hand through her hair. He could see the little
wrinkles around her mouth and her eyes; she'd gotten older while he hadn't been
looking.
"There's something we should talk about," she finally said.
Maxxie nodded. "What?"
She bit her lip, looked everywhere but him, at least until she'd caught
herself. Her eyes were troubled. "This may sound terrible to you at first,
Maxxie, and it'll probably be something of a shock, but I'm asking you to think
it through before you give me your final answer."
Maxxie rubbed his palms on his trousers and frowned. "Just tell me already," he
demanded. "You're freaking me out."
"I have a job offer."
"Oh." He knew what was coming with sudden clarity, but he wanted her to say it.
"If I take it, we'll be moving to Cardiff."
"Cardiff?" Maxxie opened his mouth and closed it again. "Cardiff? As in,
Wales?"
"I know it sounds bad, but seriously, it's… it's perfect. I know how much you
and Luce want me to be around more, and God knows, I miss you boys more than I
can say. We hardly see each other. And the job in Cardiff is great. I have a
fourty-hour week, but I can work the hours I want, so I can work in the
mornings, or at night, and we'll be seeing each other when you come from school
and I can make you dinner and you won't have to take care of Luce so much…"
"I like to take care of Luce!" Maxxie said coldly. "And what about Bianca? Are
you just going to leave her here?"
His mother bit her lip. "She… she said she doesn't mind moving as well."
"You want to live with her?" Maxxie scowled. "You're not serious, are you?" He
didn't know why that thought made him so horribly angry, but it did. He liked
Bianca, he really did, she was great, she liked Luce and she sometimes spent
the day with them, even though she wasn't pressingly trying to be part of the
family. Maxxie liked it that way. It wasn't that he had any illusions of his
parents getting together again, but it was… it wouldn't be them anymore, if
Bianca started living with them.
"She doesn't have to," his mother interrupted his furious thoughts. "Really,
I'm not about to decide that yet, I don't know if I even want to. But she said
she needed a change of scenery anyway, and Cardiff sounded wonderful. She asked
around a bit and found out that News Wales wouldn't mind having her on board;
she has a friend there whom she grew up with and he says if she comes, he'll
put in a word for her to get a good deal. She would be able to afford her own
apartment."
"Still, what about all the people here we know? What about my friends?" What
about Chris and Anwar and Tony…
"Well, of course, that's going to be difficult. But I'm sure if you –"
"Right. Don't say it. You know just as well I do that keeping track of old
friendships never works. But yeah, don't worry. I'm going to think about it."
Maxxie knew he wasn't handling this very well. He wanted to be all adult about
this and don't make bigger trouble than it was worth, especially if it meant
they were going to be able to spend more time as a family again. But he wasn't
feeling very grown-up right now. He felt more like being childish.
"Is this about Luce, then?" he squinted up. "Because you know, I'm not one to
run away from a fight. If they have a problem with me, I'm going to talk to
them; taking it out on my little brother is not something I'll let them do."
"This is not about Luce, honey," Carys said. She wasn't looking at him when she
said it. He didn't think she was telling the truth. She hadn't mentioned before
that she wanted to change her job. She hadn't even hinted at it. He thought
maybe she had only asked about a transfer recently.
He wasn't about to voice his doubts. "Look," he finally said. "What are you
talking to me about it anyway? It's not like I have any say in this."
"Yes, you do." She looked him square in the eyes. "Of course, you do. I'm not
going to pack you boys up and ship you off to Wales without asking you first.
I'd never do that. I haven't agreed to take that job yet. If you really don't
want to leave, we'll of course stay. I'm not planning to sell the house just
yet, and if we leave, I'll think about what to do. Maybe rent the rooms out."
"I… I don't know, mum."
"Well, think about it. Like I said, nothing is decided yet. I promise you,
sweetheart, that if you tell me you want to stay, that I won't be mad and we'll
just continue like we are at the moment. All right?"
Maxxie nodded. His mother got up and moved behind him, put her arms around him
and pressed his head to her stomach, rubbing his neck soothingly. He'd missed
the warmth and comfort, but right now, he didn't want it. Right now, he needed
to think. She was only distracting him by being nice.
He got up, ripped free of her and felt his gait turn wooden as he walked up to
his room. He didn't know how else to react.
 
~*~
 
It was raining as if the sky was heaving a bad case of diarrhoea on Saturday,
and Maxxie didn't want to get out of bed, even when Luce jumped on him and
proceeded to bury himself under the blanket, cold feet and all. Maxxie kicked
him out, only to be splashed with cold water.
He hadn't really thought the day could take a nosedive from there, but
surprisingly, it did. Not so surprisingly maybe, when Maxxie realized he'd been
thinking 'hell, it can't get worse than this, can it?' all of last night.
He wanted to get in some practice. That was all he'd been aiming for. Tap
dancing always managed to cheer him up, no matter how fucking bad things were,
and even if he fucked up a few step sequences, he knew that afterwards his
whole body would be buzzing with happy hormones. He wanted that feeling.
Except, when he called his trainer about getting him the hall for an hour or
two before noon, the answering machine jumped into action and proclaimed
chirpily that boytoy and his trainer were in France for the weekend and 'don't
even try to call the mobile phone, asshole, because we don't want to be
disturbed'. And that was that.
Maxxie concluded from that nice little speech that it wasn't much use to go to
the training centre. If his trainer didn't get him a deal, most of the halls
were usually packed with people doing other sports. He could practice on his
own, of course… at home, in the living room, in front of the mirror… but at the
moment, he needed some serious constructive criticism more than he needed half
an hour of dancing around, doing his old moves.
Pissed off at himself for not calling in sooner to check, at his trainer for
not mentioning the weekend, at Tony just because he was Tony and because he was
not calling, and at Luce, who'd woken him up waaay too early, Maxxie put on his
shorts, a shirt and went out to get soaked.
 
~*~
 
The adrenaline made its way through his veins as he jogged up the street
towards the park to run his laps. The rain was beating down on his head,
plastering his hair to his scalp, drowning him in his own clothes. It was a
nice feeling. He hadn't been this wet since that time he'd fallen into the pool
with all his clothes on.
He stopped half through the distance he'd set for himself by a bench, panting
harshly. He tried to catch his breath, slow his heart rate down… it wasn't like
he'd been jogging for very long, barely half an hour, but his shoes felt like
they were full of lead. The bench was laughing at him as he stretched, working
a kink out of his right calf. Goddamnit, he wasn't thinking about it, really.
This wasn't even the same bench where they'd started their little game, and
yet… yet, that kiss, the way Tony'd blushed…
Maxxie squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, raindrops flying. He needed
to get home, take a nice, long shower. Eat a comfort sandwich or ten. He needed
to sprint. He needed to race the long way home so that all he would be able to
do was to fall dead onto his bed and sleep till all this was over.
Then, at least, he wouldn't have to think about never having to see his friends
again. Except… what friends, right?
He never got to sprint. His phone, hidden in the pocket of his soaking wet
pants, vibrated, and made his skin tingle. He'd taken it with him because… he
didn't know why. Because it had been there and it was impossible to get rid of
a mobile phone once you were used to it; that was the harsh reality.
He picked up without looking at the caller.
"Yeah?" he snapped. Harsh, he knew, especially considering he was about ninety
percent sure who it was… but he wasn't in the mood for a mindfuck right now.
Fortunately for Tony, he apparently wasn't either. "You wanna fuck or what?" He
didn't sound playful or teasing or at all like he was expecting a yes. He
sounded tired, harassed, exhausted. Like his head was going to fall off his
neck every second now.
Maxxie frowned. Huh. That was a new one. He couldn't recall one instance at
which Tony hadn't appeared exactly as he wanted to appear – pretty, poised and
perfect. Completely on top. That was Tony. "Now?" he asked, looking around. The
rain continued to hit the pavement.
"No, actually, I was checking if your timetable was free next week. Of course
now, you tosser."
Maxxie gave a confused sound. What the fuck -? Tony had to know that getting
pissy wouldn't get him into Maxxie's pants faster than playing his other part,
the one where he was sweet and bright-rays-shining-outta-his-ass. So what was
this…?
It wasn't like it depended on Tony, though, when they were meeting up. It
seemed so, yeah, but ultimately, the power to postpone lay with Maxxie, because
he was the one who decided when they were gonna fool around. It sent a little
thrill through him, the thought of taking this away from Tony, to just say no
and hang up on him, simply because he could. Jerk Tony around, like Tony did to
other people.
Except there was one little factor he hadn't taken into consideration – his
dick was perking up at all the talk of sex and the thought of a blowjob like
he'd gotten one yesterday. That had been a good one. Tony had gotten a lot
better since Russia; he really was a fast learner.
Weighting one urge against the other, Maxxie had to admit, it wasn't really
worth trying to outplay Tony in a scenario where he wasn't even sure Tony had
joined the game.
"I'm kinda busy at the moment," he said, not being completely dishonest, "but
I'll see what I can do."
Tony snorted into the phone. "Busy? Ah, you mean busy like the last time when
you had to babysit your little punk of a brother?" The scorn was apparent in
his voice.
"What's a guy to do when he's not in the mood," Maxxie joked, trying to lighten
the mood. Tony sounded really hurtful. He was normally more careful than that
with insulting people he wanted a favour from. Maxxie wondered what was up.
"You sure seemed in the mood to me, when I sucked your brains out through your
cock in your little-kid room."
"Yeah." Maxxie rolled his eyes. "I wasn't the only one enjoying it, you know."
"I did enjoy your lips around my dick, if you mean that." Maxxie hadn't meant
that, but he let it slide. Tony continued, "You can say whatever you want about
shirtlifters, but nobody does enjoy giving a good blowjob more than you guys."
"Us guys?" Maxxie was pretty sure Tony could hear him raise his eyebrows
through the phone.
"You didn't think you were the only fairy who ever got to suck me, did you?"
Tony sounded like he was grinning. "You should have seen Michelle the first
time, though. Trying to swallow, choking up; she thought it was disgusting –"
"Yeah, that's quite enough, prince charming. Any more information on this and
my dick will have to go on a long vacation from you and me both."
"Don't be such a pussy, Maxxie. I was swapping stories –"
"Any more talk about pussy and your show is cancelled. Just so you know."
"All right, all right," said Tony. "Get your plug outta your butt and come over
here now, as soon as you can. I'll be at home."
And that was that. Maxxie clicked the phone shut and stared at it maliciously.
He'd been at Tony's once before, when Tony had thrown a party; it had been
nothing major, just a little get-together. There had been smoking weed and
drinking beer and he remembered Anwar leaning against him, eyes wide open in
wonder as his cock pocked hard into Maxxie's side.
Maxxie closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Two girls walked past him, as he
stood there, considering what to do, with his phone stil in his hand. A few
drops fell from his bangs down onto his nose. They giggled. He caught the eye
of one of them, held her gaze confidently till she looked away, blushing… he
didn't feel anything but a slight sense of disappointment at himself that he
couldn't muster up any sense of attraction.
"Fine," he muttered, put the phone back into his trouser pocket and decided
that if he waited any longer, he'd yet go home, bury between his sheets in his
own bed and he wouldn't come out till school started again. And that would
leave Tony pissed.
Not that Maxxie cared much whether Tony was pissed or not, but it was the
principle of the thing.
It took him about ten minutes to get to Tony's house, five more standing before
it, just watching. Listening to the sounds coming from inside. There was
nothing abnormal about it, pans clicking in the kitchen, the occasional bout of
music. When he finally got around to pressing the button, he'd even spotted the
woman from the street side opposite, who was gazing at him intently through her
window.
He knew Effy from sight, but he'd never actually talked to her, as far as he
could remember. Not that he had ever heard her speak at all, for that matter.
It… seemed unnecessary, too, because her eyes were very expressive. He could
read slight surprise in her gaze as she stared at him, and a mild recognition
tinted with confusion.
"Hey," he greeted her with a friendly smile. He could feel his clothes glued to
his body and flushed as her eyes ran up and down his body, before coming to
rest on his flattened hair with a half-smirk. "I'm Maxxie. I'm… uhm. Tony
invited me to come over?"
She got a wicked look in her eyes, the corners of her mouth lifting again.
Knowingly. Next thing he knew, she'd stepped aside, making room for him to
enter the house. She jutted her thumb towards the stairs in the back.
"He's upstairs?" he asked, stepping out of the rain and into the warm dryness.
He was just past her when Tony's familiar form came trotting down from above.
He hadn't noticed Maxxie yet, because he asked, "Who is it, Effy?"
A few more steps brought him down far enough for him to realize that Maxxie was
standing in the hallway. "Oh," he then said, smile overtaking his face. "It's
you- You're early."
"I considered being fashionably late," Maxxie joked, "but then I thought I'd
much rather catch you by surprise while you're in the middle of some illegal
activity; and that only ever works when you arrive early, right?"
"Uh-huh." Tony rolled his eyes. He was eyeing Effy as if to tell her to fuck
off. There was a moment when she returned his look, defiance in her whole
stance as she propped her right hand on her hip. But then she simply shrugged,
waved at Maxxie and sprinted up the stairs. Maxxie could have sworn she made a
dirty gesture in Tony's direction, but he was pretty sure he'd imagined that.
"So. Are you hungry? You look… wet." Tony grinned. "And not in a good way."
"Ha, ha." Innuendo much. It was Maxxie's turn to roll his eyes. "Sure." It
could have been wishful thinking, but Tony seemed to relax a fraction. "But
nothing too heavy," he added quickly. "I'm just back from a run."
"I see." Tony grinned, moved past him not without brushing up against him, and
their arms touched where he got too close. "We'll try to continue your workout
in a moment, then." He led Maxxie into the kitchen, which was small, but not
too cramped. His mother was cooking, apparently.
"Hey," she greeted him with a smile. "You must be one of Tony's friends… are
you staying for lunch?"
"Oh, no, really, I'll be expected home for lunch," he replied quickly.
Tony hummed, which made Maxxie look over at him – he was leaning against one of
the cupboards, near the bowl with the fruits and was sucking on a strawberry,
eyes half-closed. Maxxie opened his mouth and shut it again, incredulous. Oh,
dear.
Tony swallowed, licked his red lips and raised his eyebrow. "I think we'll be
fine," he said to his mother, while not taking his eyes off Maxxie. "Won't we?"
 
~*~
***** Chapter 4 *****
The striped wood of the desk was rock hard between his fingers as he gripped
the edge, knuckles whitening from the sudden strain. For a moment, he was
completely dumbfounded, unable to wrap his head around what was happening.
The next second, Tony's hard body was pressed against his back, flush like a
second skin. Arms encircled him from behind, fingers clasped at his zipper
before popping the button of his jeans; then Tony's hand was inside his
trousers, slipping underneath his boxers, and closed around his cock, warm and
confident.
Maxxie gasped. "What the – Fuck, Tony, give a guy some warning, yeah?" he
snapped, when he caught his breath. Annoyed, he tried to shake the other boy
off him; he wasn't going to stand for being manhandled, damnit!
Tony's answer was a short laugh of incredulity against his ear, hot breath
fanning his neck, which made shivers run up and down his spine. Then he was
tipping Maxxie's head back; he kissed Maxxie's chin, the corner of his mouth
and when Maxxie last expected it, he went for the offensive and pushed his
tongue into Maxxie's mouth, meeting Maxxie's forcibly. Tony's cock got even
harder against his butt.
It was the wake-up call Maxxie needed. His first instinct was to think that
this wasn't really happening, but then Tony started to pull at his jeans,
trying to push them down over Maxxie's hips and that this was not a position
Maxxie was happy to find himself in, whether there were fingers jacking his
dick or not.
Tony's mouth tasted of strawberries and chocolate. Maxxie blinked, tried to
push at Tony's hand, and when that didn't have any effect, he didn't hesitate;
he bit down on Tony's lip as hard as he could and ripped free, whirling around.
"Shit!" Tony swore, stumbling back. He had his hand up by his mouth, thumb
flicking away a single drop of blood. "What was that for?"
"You can't just do stuff like that!" Maxxie said, panting heavily. He tried not
to lean too much on the desk at his back and failed miserably. His dick wasn't
happy with him, and Tony didn't seem too delighted either. Not that Maxxie
cared. "It doesn't work that way!" he tried again, fighting to keep his anger
at bay. "You can't just throw me against your desk and fuck me, you moron!
Didn't you do any research on this?"
That seemed to bring Tony around fast. "What?" he asked with a frown, annoyance
swindling. "It's not – it can't be that different from sex with a girl, right?
Insert A into slot B, the whole –"
"You – I don't fucking believe you! God, you are such an arsehole –" Maxxie
tried to wrap his head around the fact that Tony hadn't even tried to look it
up before rushing into this. "What is wrong with you?" he asked. "This is
nothing like you! You research stuff, I know you do, you're always prepared,
how hard could it fucking be -"
"Oh, give me a bloody break," Tony interrupted, narrowing his eyes. "It's not
like I planned this. It was an impulse thing, you just looked hot before, and
since we're past the blowjobs, I thought it was as good a time as any –"
"Well, think again!" Maxxie snapped, pressing his lips together. Tony's gaze
was still hungry and he felt his dick respond to it even though he willed it
not to.
"You want it, though, don't you," Tony asked, cocked his head to the side,
smirk appearing on his face. A moment later, he was losing his shirt, tearing
it over his head. "You want me to fuck you, admit it; you were totally into it
just a second ago. So what's wrong? Not ready to put your money where your
mouth is?"
"Oh, fuck you," Maxxie snorted. "Your silly manipulation routine won't work on
me, if that's what you're trying to do."
"I'm not trying to do anything," Tony replied. He turned around on him and went
towards his bed, sitting down on it. It had the most ridiculous bed sheet
Maxxie had ever seen and he couldn't help but roll his eyes at it.
It took him half a minute to collect his thoughts. Obviously, blowjobs weren't
exciting anymore. Maxxie bit his lip. It wasn't that he was afraid to get on
with it and make true of his words, because it was just sex, after all, but…
obviously, this would be totally playing into Tony's hands and if there was one
thing Maxxie had been fighting against since the beginning, it was not to let
Tony get smug about this.
A rush went through him, heating him up from toe to his cheeks. It felt… like
he was fighting a losing battle, but then again, maybe not. Maybe instead of
Maxxie giving all the time, it was time Tony gave up a bit of control. No, not
maybe. Definitely.
"Fine," Maxxie said slowly. His knees were under control again and he took his
weight off the desk behind him. He worked out of his shirt, still a little wet
from the rain, pulled it over his head and off, laid it on the desk carefully.
Tony's smile was all he needed to see to know that this was going to be good.
He pushed down his jeans past his hips, licking his lips nervously. Adrenaline
hustled through his veins like aphrodisiac and he had to fight to hide how much
effort it took not to touch his own dick and start jerking off to relieve the
pressure.
"Take off your panties, darling," he ordered Tony instead, while he himself got
rid first of his boxers and then his socks. Then he walked over to the bed,
naked. Tony's eyes followed his form as he approached the bed and climbed on it
beside him.
Tony pulled him down immediately when he was close enough, kissing him
hungrily. His fingers were hot against Maxxie's neck.
"What? You want me to take them off for you?" Maxxie tried to joke and felt his
voice hitch when Tony's hand wandered down his back, over his spine, sending
jolts through his body from the touch to his cock. He was almost embarrassed at
the breaking of his voice, but Tony moaned into his mouth, which was good
enough to make all mortification vanish.
Tony's trousers weren't hard to get off, and his boxers followed swiftly, which
was when Tony stopped his tongue from fucking Maxxie's mouth long enough to
look up at him, breathing hard.
"You gonna let me fuck you now or what?" he asked, gaze burning.
Ooooh, so the boy could learn. Maxxie almost grinned. He was asking for
permission now; well, that was something, at least. But not what Maxxie had in
mind. "Not quite," he murmured against Tony's mouth, taking his lower lip
between his teeth before he let go again and confidently slithered down Tony's
body. "I'm going to show you how gay sex works… properly."
"You – what?" That got Tony's attention, at least. He was up on his elbows,
watching wide-eyed as Maxxie slowly went down on his cock, taking it between
his lips, gaze never leaving Tony's face. "Don't – what – Max… Maxxie, what do
you - god, don't stop…"
Maxxie hummed in laughter, which made Tony tremble all the more. It didn't take
him long to have Tony so worked up that he was gasping to keep from coming
right away. That was when he lifted his lips off Tony's cock and ran his tongue
over the upper row of his front teeth and grinned.
"Good?"
"You –" Tony took a deep breath, "- you need to ask?"
Maxxie couldn't help a snort that was a little too giggly – not that Tony
noticed. The other boy simply fell back onto the bed mattress and groaned.
"It'll get better," Maxxie promised.
Tony got no time to answer that; Maxxie worked his fingers against his cock and
jerked a few times, before he skimmed back a few inches and pushed Tony's right
leg up and away. His warm breath was ghosting over Tony's dick again when he
said, "Now, one of the reasons you can't just throw a guy over your desk and
screw his brains out is because muscles require a certain period of warm-up and
stretching before you can do strenuous exercises with them – aaaand, well. It's
kind of hard without any kind of… stuff. You know. Slippery stuff. So for a
hands-on demonstration on how it's done..."
Tony looked like he wanted to protest, working up to lean onto his elbows again
and he seemed to want to kick Maxxie away from places anywhere near his arse,
but Maxxie just rolled his eyes, muttered something about straight boys being
uptight, and went down on him again, smacking Tony with one thing he hadn't
used yet that he was quite proud of – he got Tony's dick halfway down his
throat.
It had the desired effect on Tony, which was basically a complete and utter
cease of resistance as his limbs all turned jellylike.
It took a bit of work for Maxxie to keep deep-throating while he pushed the tip
of his slick finger past Tony's entrance and inside, but once he had a rhythm
figured, it wasn't so hard anymore. He just wished his own dick would give him
a minute, because he really didn't have a hand free to jerk himself off while
sucking and fingerfucking Tony at the same time.
It didn't matter a lot, though, because Tony wasn't able to take much more than
two fingers before he came with a full-body shudder and a jerk of his hips that
made Maxxie choke.
That fucking hurt, not that Maxxie could say a lot, with his mouth full and
flooded for a moment. He screwed his eyes shut in pain and tried to get off
Tony as fast as he could before further damage could be inflicted.
"Sorry, sorry," Tony muttered, again and again, as he pulled Maxxie towards
him, eyes wide in realization that he might have seriously hurt his friend.
Maxxie had to admit, he hadn't even noticed that Tony'd been taking the
blowjobs like a pro until now, never bucking too heavily or making too jerky
movements while his dick was Maxxie's mouth. He wondered if Tony'd had to get
used to that to keep from hurting Michelle while she blew him.
He hadn't been quick enough to swallow and he tried to wipe his mouth with the
back of his hand, but he never got so far. Before he could do so, he felt his
wrist caught and when he met Tony's gaze, Tony just smirked, got his arms
around Maxxie and yanked him down onto his body before he licked the corner of
Maxxie's lips and started to kiss him open-mouthed.
Maxxie blinked. That… was surprising. He'd have thought Tony might be a little
pissed at the fact that he'd just been screwed with. But then, Maxxie quickly
decided he wouldn't complain at the gracious reception of this little
experiment; mainly because… well, his dick wouldn't have been too happy with
him if he'd stopped at that moment to inquire what was going on.
He rubbed himself against Tony's hip, rocking into Tony's body, as he lay
pliant beneath him, and moaned when Tony moved against him, just barely.
"You want me to suck you off?" Tony muttered against his mouth, kissing him
again, tongue licking into his mouth. "Cuz I would, and do that finger trick
back to you, but I'm –"
"Hand's fine," Maxxie moaned a little, unable to keep it up for much longer. It
wouldn't be the greatest orgasm of his life, but he just needed a little –
there. That was good enough.
Strong fingers wrapped around his cock, stroking, Tony's thumb flickered over
the head, twice, another jerk, and he was done, coming all over Tony's stomach,
struggling for breath and gasping as if his life depended on every atom of
oxygen that could make it into his lungs.
It wasn't a mind-blowing orgasm, but then, he hadn't expected to get off at
all; he'd been more expecting Tony to drop off into post-orgasmic haze
immediately and leave Maxxie to deal with his little problem on his own. So
this was good enough.
They rested for a while in the exact position they'd collapsed in, Maxxie half
covering Tony's body with his own, their skin clinging together like glue in
some places, because neither of them was really willing to move. It would have
been rather nasty, if it hadn't felt pretty good, sharing warmth and lips
meeting from time to time in gentle kisses.
"I should go," Maxxie muttered into one of those, groggy.
Tony shrugged against him. "There's still time," he mumbled back. "Y'can stay."
He kissed Maxxie again, wrapping his arms around him.
"Hmmm…" Maxxie closed his eyes, forcing himself to remember where he was and
that this wasn't exactly what they did after they screwed – but maybe Tony was
just sleepy and too lazy to get up. Maxxie had to admit, he could relate.
"'kay," he finally agreed. "Just a few more minutes."
And that was how he found himself a few hours later woken up by a sensation of
warm wetness around his cock as a few fingers pressed up against his entrance,
and with a ready Tony waiting for him with an impatient look in his eyes and a
sheepish little smirk on his lips.
 
~*~
 
His mobile phone gave a sharp jingle. Maxxie was in the middle of a maths
lesson, and he'd been halfway to falling asleep as the sun drew lazy circles on
his desk and cheek, when it vibrated. It was just as well. At least, it
awakened him again and that was a good thing; the teacher was giving him the
evil eye already. Maxxie hadn't noticed before.
He waited a few seconds before the jingle was forgotten, then opened his phone
and glanced at the text message he'd received.
'Wakey, sleepyhead. What, did you stay up late last night, wanking to memories?
Make any good ones lately? '
Maxxie rolled his eyes and forced himself not to look up to check whether Tony
was watching. This was so typical. Tony was apparently feeling very
accomplished now that he was getting Maxxie off almost as often as it had been
the other way around since the beginning of their little arrangement. He
glanced back at the text message. 'Have you got any plans for the evening?' it
continued. 'Spiderman's coming in the theatres.'
Maxxie couldn't help it. A small smile sneaked on his face, curling the corners
of his lips up. It seemed like such a Tony way to ask Maxxie to spend some time
together without going straight to the fucking. Not surprising, though,
considering that Chris was currently still the only one talking to Tony aside
from Maxxie, out of their little group; Sid had even elbowed Tony at lunch when
he'd tried to sit down next to him and opposite Michelle.
Maxxie had seen the predatory smile on Tony's lips, though, when he'd done
that. He had to admit, Tony deserved a whole lot worse than just an elbow to
the ribs, for all the grief he gave his best friends.
Still… the question why Maxxie was willing to put up with Tony when no one else
wanted to, which popped into his head from time to time, was quickly pushed
back into the box labelled 'repressed trains of thoughts'. With an ease that
came from years of practice, he hid the mobile phone under his desk and typed a
quick answer that arranged their evening meeting place and time.
Maybe he could bully Luce into joining them… he grinned, amused. Probably not
so much what Tony had in mind, but what was more entertaining than spoiling
Tony's plans, all in the name of good intention?
 
~*~
 
"Hey."
"Oh. Hey."
Maxxie tried not to let his surprise show too evidently in his expression. It
was hard, though, not to react, when every time you saw a certain person's
face, all you could think about was how that person had started treating you
like shit from one moment to the other, without warning or even a real reason.
"You look … uhm… Maxxie, are you okay?" Anwar bit his lip at the clumsy words.
Maxxie hated that his eyes were giving away a lot more about his feelings than
he wanted to show. He hated that he wore his heart on his sleeve so obviously.
It felt like he was transparent to people who were perceptive enough to notice,
and that made him vulnerable. At the same time as he was annoyed at himself, he
just wanted to laugh out loud at the absurdity of Anwar's question. Was he
okay? Oh, certainly. Everything was just peachy these days.
Anwar wrung his hands nervously where they were buried in his trouser pockets,
not looking Maxxie in the eye. Not daring to. Maxxie almost snorted in disdain.
What, did Anwar think he was going to smack him over the head with the gay? It
wasn't catching.
"I'm good," he said as calmly as he could, not looking up from the fixed spot
on the ground. He'd been aiming for cool-and-aloof, but that wasn't happening
any time this year. Maybe next year, when he was over Anwar and his bloody
fucking stupid hypocrisy.
They stood there for quite some time in complete silence, except for the
occasional shuffle of their feet. Neither of them knew what to say, if
anything. It was like suddenly, they had no topics to talk about anymore. Like
everything had been said between them - but that couldn't be, could it? There
could not be such a lack of familiarity, of the ease that had made their
friendship so unique.
"I could be better, you know," Maxxie blurted in panic. He flushed, but kept
going anyway, embarrassment be damned. "If you would just stop pretending that
my being gay matters –"
"But it does matter!" Anwar didn't keep his voice down. He sounded angry. "My
God hates gay people. My religion says is abnormal and obscene and –"
Maxxie pressed his lips together to squelch the tortured sound climbing up
through his windpipe. "What kind of fucking God is that, huh?" he asked,
agonized. "What kind of God is that, that he can make me this way and then
order other people to hate me? What kind of good God would do such a thing?"
There was a tear behind each of his eyelids, threatening to sneak out and roll
down his face. It burned in his eyes, salty like sea water. "How can you
fucking stand for a religion like that, Anwar? Why is who I fuck more important
to you that the friendship we had?"
Anwar couldn't explain; he could just shake his head. His eyes were sad, but
his voice wasn't apologizing, saying he'd been wrong, saying it was okay for
Maxxie to like boys, because it was Maxxie and he would love Maxxie, no matter
what…
Dreams and hopes. It would never happen. The realization was a bitter pill to
swallow. He shouldn't have fucking bothered, he knew now. Making Anwar try to
realize that all Maxxie wanted was for his friends to accept him for who he
was, with every part of his personality – that was a lost cause, all too
obviously.
With a sniff that made him feel like a pathetic little girl, he turned around
and stalked off. Drama queen, he could hear his mum's amused voice whisper in
his head in an attempt to cheer him up. It didn't work. It worked sometimes,
but not this time.
 
~*~
 
It didn't take him too long to realize what was going on when he arrived at the
gate to Luce's school to pick his little brother up.
He hadn't really planned to, but Anwar had managed to piss him off in a major
way and it left Maxxie with a need for comfort that only Luce could provide. It
wasn't anything tangible, or even something he was very aware of… it just was.
A family thing, maybe. It didn't matter if it was a hug from his baby brother,
or the way Luce made him laugh when he bounced about, being all enthusiastic.
It just… helped.
What was going on, was Luce and his friend Jamie, standing in the middle of a
loose circle of boys, all a little older than him. They couldn't be more than
twelve or thirteen years old; but there were five of them, and Luce and his
friend were only two. Of course, there were other kids around, but neither of
those seemed willing to do anything. They just stood around, staring as the
scene developed into an ugly mess.
Maxxie couldn't have cared less about the school rules at the precise moment he
realized what was going on. The fact that he was generally a rather gentle
person and not at all the kind to resolve problems with violence didn't even
occur to him as he ploughed through the mass of school kids, trying to get to
his brother in time. He heard one of the bigger kids call Luce a son of a bitch
and when one of the boys actually pushed Luce so that he fell into the arms of
another guy, Maxxie really lost it.
"What the fuck is going on?" he snarled as he came to a halt before the circle,
eying them in a more than hostile way.
"None of your business, arsehole, so piss off," the tallest of the boys said.
Luce's eyes widened when he realized it was Maxxie who'd spoken up.
"Oh, wow!" That was Jamie, turning to face Luce. "Isn't that your brother?" His
voice was small and scared, but he also seemed to pick himself up a little at
the realization.
"Damn right I'm his brother," Maxxie snapped. He didn't mind getting in the
tallest boy's face about it at all. He just needed to remember in what state
Luce had been the last time he'd caught sight of his brother's body. He just
needed to remember that it was guys like these that made his and Luce's life so
miserable. It was pretty easy to get over the blockade that had always quelled
the strong desire to beat people like these up so badly, that all left of them
when he was finished would be bloody prints on the ground.
"And who are you little fuckers?" he asked dangerously.
"I'm Maurice Webster," the boy sneered. "And your little bitch of a brother
tried to get my little brother kicked off the football team, so he's going to
pay for it."
"I didn't!" Luce sneered right back, trying to rip free of the grip of the
redhead behind him. He wasn't succeeding very well. "It's not my fault Bobby's
such a loser and can't handle a ball when it rolls his way!"
Maurice rounded on Luce quicker than Maxxie could blink and before either of
them knew it, he'd backhanded Luce across the face. "From what I've heard," he
mocked, "you're perfectly able to handle balls of all shapes and sizes, you
dirty little cocksucker."
Luce, who had slumped at the slap, gasped at the insult like it had been
another hit in the face and started struggling against the hold again. Maxxie
wasn't about to let the Maurice boy get away with this, though. It didn't take
him longer than the duration of a blink to grab Maurice by the shirt, spin him
around and punch his jaw with more force than he'd intended. Something popped
loudly and the boy dropped to the ground like a fallen tree.
Up until then, the other four boys had been willing to let Maurice do the
bullying. But apparently, they weren't going to stand for their leader being
attacked, even if it was by a much older teenager like Maxxie. After all, they
did have the upper hand when it came down to numbers.
Jamie seemed to be glad to be keeping out, even though he did manage to sock
the guy who was holding Luce once. Luce, on the other hand, had no problem
biting and scratching and kneeing people in the groins, everything to repay the
punches to his stomach and face that were raining down on him.
Maxxie tried to get between him and the bullies, but it wasn't easy,
considering that even though he was older than them, they weren't small and
fragile, and he wasn't exactly the brawny type. Two of them were enough to keep
him rooted to the spot, even though he was able to give them quite a trashing
in the process. And then Maurice got back on his feet. He just managed to repay
Maxxie's punch by boxing him in the eye, before the whole brawl came to a
sudden halt.
Maxxie was still seething, trying not to let his emotions run so wild that he
would get himself into some really bad trouble. He knew what must have stopped
the kids from going on. Teachers. Someone must have called the teachers.
Maxxie ran the back of his hand over his bleeding lip, fighting to stay on his
feet. A dull pain blurred his eyesight; he heard an older woman's screech at
them to break it up, and a man's dark warning words, before suddenly,
completely unexpected pain exploded at his back, as one of the guys, apparently
unable to keep from getting one last shot in, rammed his elbow into Maxxie's
neck.
 
~*~
 
It took him a while to regain consciousness. He couldn't open his eyes, because
his eyelids felt so heavy that he thought someone had glued them shut while he
was out of it. There was, however, a distinct feeling of fingers against his
skin, gently pushing his hair away from his forehead. His mouth was dry and his
lips chapped. He tried to wet them with his tongue by licking over them, and
was surprised when it worked just fine. However, moving wasn't so good. A small
whimper escaped him, when at the turn of his head, sharp pain exploded in his
back and head.
"Shhhh…" the person at his side said.
Maxxie swallowed. He wanted… he felt a hand against his own, squeezing
reassuringly, and for a split moment, let himself enjoy the fantasy that
crossed his mind, let himself wish…
"Don't try to move, okay? It'll only hurt more." The voice was chastising, but
the person it belonged to was certainly not who he'd been expecting to find at
first awakening. His eyes flew open in surprise – it felt like he'd ripped out
half his lashes.
"Anwar," he murmured, and then added sharper, "What the fuck are you doing
here?"
"Oh, thank the heavens, you're awake!" Anwar's expression broke out into a big
smile. "Let me get Luce, he'll –"
"Wait – what? What is going on? God, I feel like my head was used in a fucking
bowling competition!" He was surprised at how rough his voice sounded.
"No wonder." Anwar smiled wryly, making a face. "Apparently, you got an elbow
to your back." When Maxxie struggled to get up, Anwar rolled his eyes and
pushed him back down. "Take it easy, will you? You don't need to sit up just
yet if it hurts too much. It should be better by tomorrow…"
"Oh. Yeah, okay." Maxxie let himself fall back into the softness of the pillows
with a grunt. He swallowed. "Look… can you get me some water?"
"Uhm, sure. Sorry."
He'd been fidgeting again, looking for something to say. Maxxie saw that he was
glad to be able to leave the room. Things between them wouldn't be good again
out of the blue, that wasn't how it worked. Nothing was okay. They couldn't…
there was just this huge fucking crater that had opened up between them and
neither of them seemed willing to invest in a bridge.
When Anwar was gone, Maxxie took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling. It
was familiar, since he was in his own room; he wondered for a second who had
brought him here, what had happened in the period of time where he'd been
unconscious.
Anwar didn't come back. Instead, when the door opened again, it was Luce who
entered the room, carrying a glass of water in his right, presenting Maxxie
with a pill. "Make sure to swallow this," he said, "for the headache." He
sounded completely pissed. Still, he was very, very gentle when he helped
Maxxie to lift his head high enough so he could actually down the pill.
After that was done, he didn't pull his punches anymore. "You stupid git," he
snapped, face lined with worry. "Why did you go and do that?"
Maxxie had an unnerving glimpse of the future, Luce in about thirty years,
scolding the shit out of his kids. It almost made him smirk. Only the fear of a
swap over the head made him restrain from showing his amusement. Instead, he
felt the need to defend himself. "- didn't do anything wrong!" he protested,
his words slurring a bit. He had to close his eyes against the dull pain that
throbbed through his temples. "- needed to protect you!" he emphasized. Or
tried to. He could hear himself. He sounded weak like a kitten.
Luce groaned. "You could have been really badly hurt! You should have just left
it well enough alone. Seriously, all they would have done was push me around a
bit, there wasn't –"
"Like hell," Maxxie said as sharply as he could. "Black and blue 's how you
looked last time. -'m not gonna stand for that…"
"Look, I can take care of myself. It's no big deal. You don't need to get
beaten up for me!"
"Need too!"
"No, you don't!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
Maxxie attempted to roll his eyes at his pathetic excuse for a little brother.
Of course, he'd do it again, just like he'd done this time, and there was no
way Luce didn't know that, so Maxxie wondered why he kept insisting the point.
"What was Anwar doing here?" he finally asked, changing the topic.
"He was the first number in your phone, so I called him to get you out of
there," Luce admitted. "Why do you ask? Aren't you guys friends anymore? I
thought –"
"No." Maxxie said shortly. "He kind of ended that." He really didn't want to
talk about Anwar's stupid hypocritical beliefs right now, and especially not
with his brother who had enough homophobia to deal with without learning that
even Maxxie's best friend was turning around on him.
"Maxxie…" Luce started hesitantly. "He was really worried about you. When I
told him what was up, he went out of his mind, and he was the one who insisted
to the guys from the ambulance that you would be okay staying at home… they
wanted to take you to the hospital, and he said you hated hospitals and you
wanted to stay at home. He carried you from the car to your bed all on his own
and stayed all day to make sure you were gonna be fine."
"All day?" Maxxie looked up at that. "What do you mean, all day, what time is
it?"
"Just past seven pm," Luce said, checking his wristwatch to make sure he had it
right.
"What? Oh, fuck!" Maxxie tried to sit up in agitation to get his mobile phone,
but Luce just pushed him back on the bed, mouth turned downwards in anger.
"You're staying right where you are, lying on your back, not moving at least
until tomorrow. The doctor who checked you over said there wasn't any lasting
damage, but that you should take it easy for a while –" He stopped when he
realized Maxxie wasn't listening. "What the heck is wrong? Did you miss a hot
date or what?"
"Not exactly," Maxxie muttered, embarrassed at his own reaction. It wasn't
quite that important… so he'd stood him up, so what. "Just wanted to go to the
movies with Tony. But he'll get over it, I guess…"
"Tony?" Luce asked, drawing his eyebrows together. "So are you guys…" he made
an unmistakable gesture.
Maxxie felt his face heat up. "Oh my God, Luce!" he said weakly. "If mum
catches you making –"
"She won't," Luce beamed. "Cuz you won't tell her I did. So what now, about
Tony?"
"We're friends!"
"Aaah, with benefits?" Luce grinned.
Maxxie didn't know how to answer that. "Not… exactly." Then he caught on to
what was happening here, and blinked. "It's none of your business, little
brother!"
"Right, right. Want me to call him for you?" A grin. "I'll even try to be nice,
since he's your new boyfriend and all!"
"He is not… oh, well, call him, tell him I'm sorry about this evening."
Luce nodded, took the glass from the nightstand and made his way over to the
door to leave Maxxie alone. "You should get some sleep," he said. "Don't get
up. Mum'll be home in about an hour, she's leaving from work early to check on
you."
"Okay." Maxxie closed his eyes, then remembered something. "Luce…"
Luce was halfway out the door. "Yeah?"
"Don't – uhm, don't talk about me and Tone to anyone, okay? Not a word."
"Don't worry." He smiled. "Your secret's safe with me."
Maxxie rolled his eyes. "Thanks."
 
~*~
 
Fifteen minutes later, Maxxie was halfway to falling asleep, when he heard the
door open again. There was an exchange of quiet words, then footsteps inside
his room, and someone sitting down on the edge of his bed.
"You're kinda cute when you're falling asleep."
Maxxie growled exasperated. "Leave me alone."
"Aww, are you sure you don't want me to hold your hand, tell you a story, kiss
your forehead?" Tony smirked at him from above. "How about I rub your dick, get
you off multiple times?"
"Fuck off, Tone." Maxxie pushed at him with his hand, but didn't manage to do
much else beside making him laugh.
"Seriously now, how are you? You stood me up, you tosser. You could have warned
me ahead of time you wanted to get into a fight."
"Sorry." Maxxie rubbed his hand over his eyes and shrugged. "We can go tomorrow
or something. If you still want to."
"If you're up to it." Tony smiled a little. "What did the doctor say?"
"Luce mentioned something… nothing permanent, I think, just need a bit of rest,
he didn't want to say much more on it. Mum should know more when she comes
home."
"So you're still up for that competition of yours next week?"
Maxxie stared up at him wide-eyed. "You remembered…" he said softly, surprised.
That seemed to embarrass Tony. "It's not like there's much else you talk about
lately," he said wryly. "Well, that, and the sex. But that's beside the point."
"Yeah." Maxxie blushed. "Yeah, I really hope it's still on. So you're coming,
then?"
"I thought I said that already?" Tony lay down on the bed next to him, arms
crossed behind his head, staring at the ceiling above him. "Listen… do we have
a problem?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that fucker of a little brother you have called me your boyfriend when
he opened the door for me. Is that gonna be a problem?"
Maxxie gave it a serious thought. "Don't think so. He can keep his mouth shut,
don't worry."
"Uh-huh." Tony turned over, lay on his side, and pushed the cover halfway off
Maxxie. Next thing, his hand was working its way below Maxxie's shirt, stroking
his stomach gently.
"I don't think I'm up to this," Maxxie tried to protest; he pushed at Tony's
shoulder, but Tony just grinned.
"Don't worry, I'm just touching."
"Hmm…" Maxxie relaxed a fragment at that, half-closed his eyes.
"Hey, you know, there's this girl, just moved in a few houses down, she's hot,
but at least twenty-seven, twenty-eight…"
"What 'bout her…?" Maxxie closed his eyes fully, enjoyed the feeling of Tony's
fingers against his abs, running up and down his sides.
"Think it's okay for me to fuck 'er?" Tony asked, nuzzling his neck, pressing a
kiss to his jaw.
Even with closed eyes, Maxxie managed to raise an eyebrow. "What'cha asking me
for?" he asked, drawing in a breath when Tony licked his pulse point. "I don't
care." His arms were heavy, his whole body growing sluggish under Tony's
ministrations.
"Hm… didn't mean that," Tony whispered against his collarbone. "She's married
with kids. She's been staring at my ass."
"Nice husband?" Maxxie asked, gasping when Tony nipped at his skin.
"Uh-huh… hot. Just like her…" Tony's hand left his abs and pushed under the
waistband of his boxers, closing around his dick.
Maxxie bit his lip, and pushed at his chest. "Try threesome," he teased, and
then, more earnestly, "didn't I tell you I wasn't up for much –"
"You did…" Tony grinned. "Hey, lay back, enjoy… I'm not asking anything. Just…"
he kissed Maxxie on the lips, then his nose, "… let me…" kiss on his eyebrow,
"…make you come."
So how could Maxxie possibly argue with that? He let it go and did exactly
that.
 
~*~
***** Chapter 5 *****
Cassie was wearing one of her pretty, flowing skirts on Monday, her long blond
hair tied back in a ponytail that allowed strands to escape enough that they
were nicely accentuating her face. Maxxie smiled at her when she fell in step
beside him, noticing the look she was giving him out of the corner of her eyes.
"Hi, Cassie," he said softly. "You look good. You've been eating lately,
haven't you?"
"Yes," she brightened, "yes, I ate a whole plate of potato salad yesterday!
Isn't that lovely? Sid said he thought I looked lovely today!"
"You look very beautiful," Maxxie nodded with a grin. "Can I draw you again? I
love your hair; it looks very nice, pulled back like this."
"Awesome," she agreed readily, eyes glowing. "After class? We can sit on the
grass and you can show me the finished drawing!"
"Sounds good to me."
They walked down the hallway together, side by side, in comfortable silence,
until she spoke up again. "Hey, Maxxie, are you all right?" she asked
cautiously.
"Yes," he said, surprised at the question. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"I saw you earlier, talking to Tony. And Sid said you got beat up."
"Yeah, I… it's no big deal. I was in bed for a day, but after that, I was okay
again. There's nothing to worry about, I promise. I think it might have been a
very light concussion. I had a bruise on my back, but it's almost faded now."
Cassie looked up at him, eyes hooded. "And you are all right?" she repeated.
"I just said, didn't I, that I was fine…" Maxxie frowned.
She stopped him with a bony hand to his arm, her slender fingers digging into
his skin almost painfully. She looked… serious. Then, suddenly, she laughed, as
if something really funny was going on.
"I don't understand…" Maxxie said, at a loss.
"You said I looked lovely," she said with a laugh. "So am I all right, d'you
suppose?" She let go of his arm and started heading towards class again.
"Oh," Maxxie said, not moving, staring after her in realization. Her back, her
shoulders, her neck, they were all tiny, like a little bird's, delicate and so
easily breakable. She turned back once more, just before the entrance of their
class, and smiled, brightly, waving at him, twirling around once.
He licked his lips, felt his palms grow damp and looked to his feet, feeling
stupid.
 
~*~
 
Cassie and Maxxie had their last class of the day – Arts – together, which was
fortunate as they'd appointed their date to be just after it. This way, they
could walk outside together. She seemed somewhat happy, he noticed, but the
moment they left the class, her friendly chatter about the cubist drawing she'd
finished today stopped.
He looked up, in the direction her gaze was going, and he knew immediately what
had made her shut up so suddenly. His stomach churned at the sight and he had
to clench his teeth not to say something cutting.
Tony was standing next to Michelle by her locker, languidly leaning against it
with his elbow like he belonged there, arm behind his head, smirking while he
was talking to her. Michelle was getting books, putting some into her locker,
getting some out and into her bag. She seemed to ignore him, but Maxxie could
see the half-smile on her face, as if she was amused by Tony's words.
"He's very convincing, if he wants to be," Cassie commented, finally, her voice
jumbled, like she didn't know whether to laugh or to be offended.
"He certainly is," Maxxie said roughly. He didn't know why it hurt so damn much
to see Tony smile at her like that. It was… it wasn't Tony, he realized. It
wasn't that Tony was doing this… Tony was something else, true, he was very…
but that wasn't it. It was… it was the way he kept playing them, both of them,
like they were nothing.
Tony leaned forward, then, quicker than she could react, and touched a strand
of hair that was falling over Michelle's cheek, pushing it back behind her ear.
For a moment, Maxxie watched, hoped she would punch him, but her face just
fell, her eyes suddenly hurt, so hurt, and then she threw her locker shut with
force, turned on her heel and walked away.
Maxxie drew a sharp breath. Cassie beside him was gripping his arm, looking at
him with eyes so wide that he feared she might forget to blink, words on her
lips he already knew, "Are you okay…?"
But Maxxie wasn't listening. Maxxie was looking at Tony, who had looked up from
Michelle's back, to the side, who caught Maxxie's gaze – and smirked.
Maxxie forced himself not to react, not to show his annoyance at that, he
forced the blank expression back into his eyes, and passed, it passed,
everything passed, and if there was someone losing this game, it would be Tony,
not him. He gritted his teeth, forced himself not to go after Michelle to talk
some sense into her about what Tony was playing at…
"You really shouldn't," he heard Cassie's soft voice, her hand no longer
clutching at him, now just a soft touch, her lips shining wet, like she'd just
bit down on them too hard.
"What do you mean?" he asked, like he didn't know himself.
Cassie didn't reply, just gave him a stare that called him an idiot and let go
of him fully. The next moment, she was dancing a few steps ahead, spinning in a
circle, walking backwards, and then she waved at someone behind him.
When he turned his head, just a little, he saw Sid with an annoyed expression
on his face, talking to Tony, for just a second, before he jerked free of the
other boy, and ran in the direction Michelle had vanished.
Maxxie turned back, looked at Cassie surprised, but she just shrugged, grinned
wryly. "Sid is lovely like that. And he really, really, really loves Michelle."
"Oh."
"Make me beautiful?"
"What?"
"The picture," she smiled, and there was a vulnerable expression in her eyes,
hidden behind the bright beaming face she always wore whenever she was hurting.
"Make me beautiful."
He wanted to touch her, gently, like you would hold a butterfly in your hand,
and wanted to say that he didn't need to, because she was the most beautiful
girl he'd ever seen, but she didn't wait for him to speak, instead started to
chatter on about the new chocolate bar she'd discovered that tasted awesome.
 
~*~
 
He couldn't help it. Luce had asked him not to, but he couldn't help it. He had
to check up on his little brother, make sure he was all right. He didn't want
to get into a fight again, certainly not, and his mum had had enough trouble
making sure Luce's school didn't make him responsible for the brawl that had
erupted on the school property, but he couldn't just let it be.
He made sure to wait out of sight, just outside the gate to Luce's school,
well-hidden, but still open enough so that he could overlook the grounds, where
students were standing around in little groups, chatting, playing ball or
catch.
Luce was nowhere to be seen. He checked his watch – he was on time, Luce's
classes should have ended about five minutes ago. He was supposed to be coming
out of the building any minute now. He waited five more minutes and saw a few
of Luce's classmates emerge. Luce wasn't among them.
Maxxie frowned. He could feel the little hairs on the back of his neck stand
up. Something wasn't right here, and he was pretty damn sure it wasn't going to
be one of his more pleasant surprises.
A few seconds later, he spotted Jamie. Luce wasn't anywhere near him, and Jamie
was on his own, none of the other kids were talking to him. Maxxie wasted no
time. A blink later, he'd moved away from his hiding place and was hastening
towards the other boy.
"Jamie!" he called, making Jamie stop in mid-step. "Hey, wait up!"
"Oh, Maxxie. It's you. How are you?" Jamie's gaze was concerned. "Are you okay
again? I thought you were gonna die, Friday, when that guy rammed you one…"
"I'm fine," Maxxie said, smiling a little. "Thanks for asking. Hey, listen, do
you know where Luce is? I've come to pick him up, but…"
Jamie frowned. "What do you… why should I know? He didn't come to school
today." He seemed surprised. "I thought he was sick or something, or maybe that
you were really badly hurt and he didn't want to leave you alone at home or
something… are you sure he's not home?"
The words needed a while to hit home, but when their meaning cleared, Maxxie
felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. He tried not to let it show,
but some of his worry must have shone through, because Jamie seemed immediately
alerted. "Maxxie?" he asked anxiously.
"I'll… I'll check. I don't know, I mean, we left together this morning… but
yeah, maybe he wasn't feeling well and decided to go home again…"
Jamie nodded, unconvinced. "Write me what's going on?" He blushed a bit. "I
mean… I'd like to know if he's all right…"
Maxxie touched his shoulder. "I certainly will. He has your phone number,
right? I'll give you a call, either way, I promise."
"Thanks. I just hope he didn't get into trouble…"
"Yeah. Me too."
Not about to waste another second, Maxxie turned around and left towards home.
He felt like throwing up. If something had happened to Luce, just because he
hadn't insisted on bringing him to the school gate, he didn't know what he'd
do. If Luce was hurt... if Luce wasn't home when he got there, he didn't… he
couldn't imagine what he would do. He felt like someone had his heart in their
fist and was squeezing wildly, cruelly. It was hard to draw in another breath,
hard to make a single rational thought, every atom of his body singing, rushing
him to get home as quickly as possible.
He picked up speed and by the time he was out of sight of the school, he was
running as fast as he could.
 
~*~
 
He slammed through the front door, leaving his backpack on the floor in the
hallway, forgotten. The moment he was inside, his breathing got cramped and he
couldn't get any more air into his lungs. He felt like he was choking, too
little oxygen, he'd ran too quickly, a too long way, but what if Luce wasn't
here, what if something had happened, what if tomorrow, they found his body in
some dumpster, beaten to death or worse…?
"Luce?" he yelled, loudly, panic setting in. "LUCE?" A moment later, he was
through the door and in the kitchen, where he stopped dead.
His little brother was standing before the stove. He'd been peering into the
pot from which steam was rising, but at Maxxie's entrance, he'd looked up. A
small smile spread over his face. "Hey! I'm making dinner!"
"Fuck," Maxxie said, and his temper snapped, his mood turning from worried-to-
death to angry-as-hell in the split of a second. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, what
the fucking hell are you doing here?" In three steps, he'd crossed the kitchen
and had Luce by the neck of his shirt, shaking him.
"School ended early," Luce said softly, not looking at him. His cheeks were
reddening.
"Don't you fucking dare lie to me, you little shit!" Maxxie yelled. "What the
fuck were you thinking, do you have any idea how fucking scared I was when I
went to pick you up and Jamie told me you hadn't even made it to school?" He
was shaking Luce so badly that his teeth were rattling, but he didn't give a
damn.
"Let me go," Luce mumbled, pulling at the hand gripping his shirt. ""Let me go,
Maxxie, you're going to rip my shirt!"
Maxxie let him go, snarling into the air. He felt like he was going to smash
something. He felt like picking up one of the plates Luce had put on the table
and smashing it against the fucking wall, just to hear it shatter.
"Why didn't you go to school?" he finally asked, lifting his chin, staring at
the ceiling, anywhere but Luce. He took a deep breath, then another one, trying
to calm himself down. "You fucking left the house with me, you lying little
bastard!" He was looking anywhere but at Luce, just so he wouldn't have another
surge or rage topple his hard-earned control.
When Luce didn't answer, Maxxie lowered his gaze and then he saw that Luce had
slid down the wall opposite him and was crouching there, knees up against his
chest, staring at Maxxie, fear in his eyes, while silent tears made their way
down his cheeks. "I… I didn't want to go… 'cuz I was scared…" he whispered.
"Fuck," Maxxie swore again. "Fucking hell, Luce!"
He didn't know what to do. He wasn't prepared for this. He hadn't fucking
signed up for a crisis like this, damnit. Where was his mum when he needed her?
She was supposed to be dealing with this type of thing! He clenched his hands
to fists, unclenched them again, closed his eyes for a moment.
He stood there for a good five minutes, listening to the clock on the wall
ticking away, not seeing anything, just listening, to his own breathing, to
Luce, drawing in shaky breaths. His anger was gone. All he felt was a desperate
need to make things right again.
Then, when he finally felt ready, certain that nothing could set him off again
like that again, he made his way over to Luce, kneeled down next to his little
brother so they were touching, skin against skin, and then he reached over and
drew him close. Luce's little head fell against his chest, and he sobbed, once.
"Shhhh," Maxxie mumbled, caressed his hair gently and let him cry.
 
~*~
 
Maxxie was waiting in the kitchen when his mum came home that night. She looked
tired, as if she'd just been in a huge fight, and he hated to bother her when
she was like this – she didn't listen when she had things on her own to deal
with, and usually, she tried to make him deal with his own problems.
But this wasn't his problem. This was Luce. She would listen when it was about
Luce.
"Still up?" she asked, as she put her folder onto the table and went to make
herself a sandwich. "That happens more and more lately…"
"Is something wrong?" Maxxie asked, noting the strained tone of her voice.
"No, nothing big," his mum shrugged. "Just... someone made a mistake with one
of the drafts for a building they want to build on the east side of Bristol,
but nobody noticed until we checked it over after final contracts were already
signed… that means there are going to be prolonged working hours and huge costs
for the company while they try to get someone to fix the mistake."
"You're going to be home even less." It didn't sound appealing.
"I'm afraid so." She gave him a searching look. "Maxxie, I can throw the
project. If it really bothers you boys… if you really want me to be home more
in the coming weeks, I can give it to someone else. I know how hard the last
few weeks have been, and after what happened last Friday and Luce being all -"
"Actually, about Luce…" Maxxie interrupted. "He didn't go to school today. He
was too scared. He lied to me about it, too. When I went to pick him up and
Jamie said he hadn't arrived, I freaked. I yelled at him when I got home and
found him here, safe. I – I mean," he rubbed his forehead, "I mean, I was so
scared some of those thugs had gotten a hold of him. And he lies a lot, lately,
mum. He covers up so much, he just…"
She looked at him, understanding. "You're doing good," she simply said, "you're
being the best brother one can imagine. I'm so grateful to have you, Maxxie,
never doubt that." It was like she saw right through him, like she knew exactly
what he feared. But Maxxie figured that that was what being a mum was about.
"I'm worried about him. I think maybe it would be best to move, after all…" he
still didn't like it. But maybe, it would be different at the new place. Maybe,
if he could keep it quiet, Luce wouldn't get to stand out to his classmates and
just…
"It's okay," his mum said, smiled a little and pulled him close into a hug. Her
sandwich lay forgotten on the counter. "It's okay. I'll stay home tomorrow, and
maybe I can get off work for a week or two. You should be training right now,
shouldn't you?" She touched his cheek gently at his expression. "Did you think
I'd forget? Of course not. We're all going to go and watch you dance, and
you're going to win. Just practice and do your best, yes? I'll take care of
Luce."
Maxxie nodded, feeling like a huge weight had just been taken off his
shoulders. He hadn't known how much pressure had been on him, just being afraid
all the time that maybe, it just had to be once, he wouldn't be able to react
quickly enough and Luce would get hurt or worse…
"Thanks," he said softly, and felt himself be pulled into another hug. It was
nice, to feel his mum's arms around him, holding him gently, rubbing his back.
 
~*~
 
This time, Tony did actually warn him via text message that he'd be visiting
Maxxie after practice, so that, when he came out of the showers into the locker
room to change, with just a towel wrapped around his hips, he wasn't surprised
to find Tony sitting by his training bag, playing with Maxxie's mobile phone.
"'s not like I have anything interesting on there," he snorted at the invasion
of privacy.
"Oh, I think the porn video of you and this pretty little cocksucker does have
its perks…" Tony quipped, grinning up at him with sparkling eyes.
"I don't have…" Maxxie ripped the phone out of Tony's hands and checked, just
to be sure, but aside from his pictures of Luce and Anwar, there was of course
nothing on there. "I don't have any fucking porn on my phone, you fuck," he
rolled his eyes and put it back into his bag.
Tony smirked. "So there is a vid like that? Kinky…"
"No, there isn't," Maxxie replied, drying off with the towel before he made a
grab for his boxer shorts.
Tony was up in a second, behind him, yanking the shorts out of his hands and
away. He threw them back on the bag. "Would be hot, though," he whispered into
Maxxie's neck and put his arms around him from behind. "Almost as hot as the
threesome I had with the new neighbours. Wanna hear about it?" His hand closed
around Maxxie's cock and he pulled, once.
Maxxie stifled the moan that threatened to escape. "Spare me, Tone," he
muttered, rocking his hips into his fist to get some kind of rhythm going. God,
his body was so accustomed to the regular sex by now that he was yearning for
it, felt like he couldn't live without it…
"The guy said I gave the most incredible head he's ever head," Tony smirked,
breathed out, and pushed his hard cock against Maxxie's butt, pulling him even
closer so that their bodies were flush, not an inch of space separating them.
"Thanks for the lessons, I guess."
"You're…" Maxxie tried to calm down, not to come too quickly from just the
pressure on his cock and occasional jerk. "You're welcome. Now – would you just
– god, Tony, if you don't –"
"Relax. I'm trying to go slow here, right?" He could feel Tony's lips on his
shoulder blades, licking his way down, down, kissing his spine, little
butterfly kisses that led to the end of it and then Tony's hand left his cock,
which made Maxxie's head clear for a second.
"What are you – what do you think you're…"
"Didn't do this before, did you?" Tony grinned up at him. "C'mon, I'll show
you. The girl did it to me, while I sucked her husband off, it felt amazing. I
guarantee you'll be coming all over yourself in thirty seconds."
"You're serious." Maxxie stared down at Tony open-mouthed. "You really want to
give me a rim-job?"
"Oh, shut up and bend over, will you?" Tony rolled his eyes.
Maxxie narrowed his eyes, suddenly finding it very hard to believe that Tony
would do anything like this just for the fun of it. It wasn't like he was
getting anything out of it while doing it, except if he had a seriously weird
fetish… so there had to be an agenda. And Maxxie could almost guess at what
that was.
"We're not going to fuck here, Tone," he said curtly.
Tony looked at him, eyebrows raised. "We are about to fuck, Maxxie," he replied
coolly. "If you haven't noticed."
Be difficult, Maxxie thought exasperated. "Fine. Look, just don't think I'm
going to let you get your dick in me in this kind of setting. Don't say I
didn't warn you when I cock-block you later."
"Your mouth is doing way too much talking, and not of the good, dirty kind.
Look, shut it, will you? I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want
to."
"Good."
And that was that.
 
~*~
 
Afterwards, after Tony fulfilled his promise of getting him off in half a
minute by getting his tongue up Maxxie's arse and making him feel things Maxxie
didn't think he could feel, he kind of needed a minute.
He settled down on one of the benches, breathing hard, still in full daze after
the orgasm he'd just had. Tony was sitting on the floor, watching him with
half-closed eyes, scrutinizing him, dick hard in his pants.
"Whenever you feel like returning the favour…" Tony said lazily, crossing his
arms behind his head, stretching his body and popping the buttons of his pants,
one after another.
"Uh-huh," Maxxie said, feeling kind of brain-dead. "Give – give me a minute,
kay? That was… that was intense…"
Tony smirked. "Told you, didn't I? Sounds pretty awkward if you think about it,
but I guess gay sex's like that, huh? Like, you gotta do it to appreciate it…"
Maxxie gave him a forced smile. "Seems that way." Enough talking, though, he
decided, got up and scurried over to where Tony was sitting on the floor. Tony
was halfway finished with getting his pants off, and Maxxie helped him get rid
of them all the way, then slowly pulled his boxer shorts over his hips and
down, baring his erection.
"Can you get up?" he asked, not really willing to do it on the locker room
floor, no matter how tired he was of having sex standing up. Tony of course
never thought of that before he chose these little rendezvous of theirs.
"Why, are you gonna let me fuck you?" Tony smirked.
And Maxxie knew - he just knew that Tony was baiting him with that, so of
course, he couldn't just let that one slide. It was a struggle for every
fucking inch, he knew, and he was not about to concede. He collected his
strength, which was coming back after the bone-melting orgasm from before, and
pulled Tony up himself, while he got his hand on Tony's cock and started
jerking him off.
Tony moaned into his mouth when he kissed him thoroughly, eating into his
mouth, licking every inch, letting their tongues intertwine and play. Then,
with a gasp, he pulled away and got Tony up against the wall at his back,
pressed him against it while he pulled his leg up and over his right hip.
Next thing Tony knew, he had a couple of fingers up his butt, pushing in and
out quickly, fucking him with swift motions that had him trembling in Maxxie's
arms.
"If you're so eager to get to the real fucking," he hissed into Tony's ear,
biting his earlobe, "why don't you put out for me first, huh?" He pushed in
deeper and curled his fingers, making Tony jump at the jolt that ran up his
spine. "I'll make you a deal. You can fuck me all you want…" Tony opened his
eyes then, looked straight at him, hungry, "but I get to go first!"
Tony's hips jerked, rocked forwards and he was coming, body shuddering in
orgasm as Maxxie used his thumb to flicker over his entrance and deepen the
penetration.
A moment later, Maxxie was off Tony again, just leaned in one more time to
whisper, "Think about it," into his ear, before he went over to his bag and
started dressing. Behind him, Tony was still panting for breath, but he wasn't
saying anything.
 
~*~
***** Chapter 6 *****
Maxxie awoke with a start; a glance at his alarm clock showed that he still had
about fifteen minutes before he was going to have to get out of bed, but he was
no longer sleeping. It startled him, because he always tended to linger a
little before rousing, at least for a few minutes. Especially when the sheets
were as warm as today and the air as chilly as it seemed.
Then he realized what had woken him up. There were steps in the house, someone
walking downstairs in the kitchen. Usually, he woke up to complete silence, the
house a single zone of quiet. A warm feeling blossomed inside him. It made a
little smile play on his lips as he crawled out of bed and started looking for
clothes to put on today.
He was dressed in a matter of minutes and out of his room, on his way
downstairs and into the kitchen. "Morning," he greeted in a cheerful manner.
"Oh, up so early?" His mum grinned. "Look, I'm making waffles for breakfast.
You can take some to school as well, have a snack in between classes. There's
more than enough for the two of you."
"That's cool," Maxxie said with a nod. "I gotta go to practice right after
classes, and I'll probably be home late to make dinner, so it'll be good for
Luce to have some –"
"Maxxie."
"What?"
"I'm staying home, remember? I'll have dinner ready for Luce when he comes
home. We'll heat it up later for you; it'll be ready when you arrive."
Maxxie sat down on his usual chair and grabbed a plate with waffles. It was
nice, not to have to look after everything. To be able to relax and let his mum
bring him more chocolate sauce and a few strawberries to put on the waffles. To
not have to worry what Luce would eat today, whether he'd get enough food into
himself so that he wouldn't turn out a midget from pure malnutrition.
"Where is he anyway? Does he usually get up by himself or do you have to throw
him out of bed?"
Maxxie smirked. "Sometimes, he works his way out of it himself. Especially when
he needs to take a shower in the morning. But sometimes, he only goes kicking
and screaming."
"I see. I'll go wake him up then." They shared a rueful grin, and as Maxxie bit
off another piece of waffle, she gestured towards the waffle machine. "Keep
them from burning, will you?"
"Sure."
 
~*~
 
He had his bag packed and ready, breakfast was getting cold and the leftover
waffles were packed into two different heaps. It didn't take him very long to
search Luce's things together; Luce had left some of his books lying around in
the living room where he'd studied the night before. Still, when Maxxie checked
his watch, they had about fifteen more minutes before they needed to leave for
school, and neither his mum nor Luce had yet come down.
"Is everything all right?" he called up the stairs. Nobody answered. Maxxie
frowned and ran upstairs, his sock-clad feet making almost no sound on the
wooden steps. He stopped before the crack-wide open door of Luce's room; he was
startled to hear the two of them talk.
"They're not my friends!" Luce was saying, petulant voice clearly audible.
"They're stupid, and they're making trouble all the time. I don't –"
"I understand," his mum interrupted him; Maxxie couldn't see, but he could
guess that she was sitting with him, maybe arm around his shoulders, trying to
calm him down. "I understand that you don't want to spend time with them, but
they are going to the same school as you."
"That's why I don't wanna go anymore! They're stupid. The school is stupid.
They don't like me there!"
"Who doesn't like you? Just the boys who bullied you last Friday?"
"No." Luce's voice was lowered now, hurt. "The boys in my class are stupid,
too. Jamie likes me, a lot, and we're friends, and he doesn't mind Maxxie
liking boys, but I think that's because he likes boys too. But the others
aren't really."
"Aren't what, exactly?" Carys sounded careful, hesitant, as if she was thinking
that to bring up that subject now might be a bad idea. Maxxie bit his lip. He
shouldn't be listening in on this conversation. It was between Luce and his
mum. Luce would have told him if he'd wanted him to know. Still…
"Aren't okay with Maxxie being like that."
"You mean gay."
Luce didn't answer, or if he did, Maxxie didn't hear.
"Are you okay with Maxxie being gay, though?"
Luce made a distressed sound. "I don't care if he likes boys or girls! It's
Maxxie. He's my big brother. He's… he's Maxxie! But he's not gay!"
"Luce… I don't see what you mean. Maxxie likes boys, and some day, he's
probably going to have a relationship with a boy, and have sex with a boy, and
maybe have a family with a boy. It… it kind of makes him gay, you know?"
"He's not gay! Or if gay means only that he likes boys, then they use it all
wrong! They call… they say stupid stuff is gay and, and ridiculous stuff, and,
like, when people are being all strange. Maxxie isn't strange. He's the most
normal guy I know. Though the boys in my class do say tap-dancing is gay. Which
I don't think."
"I guess you're right," his mum said in a reasonable voice, and though Maxxie
could hear the concerned tone in her voice, he doubted it was noticeable in her
behaviour enough for Luce to pick up on. "I guess it must be strange to have
two so different role models as to what gay means. But that doesn't mean that
it's okay for you to skip school. You can't just not go. It doesn't work that
way. For now, at least, you have to go to classes and learn all the new things
your teachers can show you; you can keep thinking that your school mates are
stupid, but not going will make you stupid because you won't learn anything
new."
"Mum, I don't wanna go, though. What if they'll try to hurt me again? They hurt
Maxxie really badly last time, and that was just for trying to protect me and
what if he decides to come pick me up again and they hurt him some more?"
"Don't worry," she replied to that, steel in her voice. "Nobody's going to try
to hurt you again; I made quite sure of that. Just stay in the appointed areas
during classes and breaks, don't go walking off school grounds. And I'll pick
you up after classes, how does that sound? Anyway, Maxxie has practice after
school, so he won't be in danger either."
"Okay…" Luce sounded a little hesitant, but more willing to agree now than
before. "But they're still stupid!"
"I'm sure they must be, if they're not able to see past their narrow-
mindedness. Just be tolerant of them; it probably won't teach them a thing, but
it could make you feel good about yourself… that you can be so much better than
them."
Maxxie listened to them hug it out for a few more seconds, then, as quietly as
he'd arrived, he walked down the stairs. He put his head to the table after
sitting down on his chair and thought that maybe he was going to skip school
today. Now, after listening to that, he really didn't feel like sitting through
hours of boring lectures.
Sometimes, he really didn't like himself very much.
 
~*~
 
"You know, I could just go fuck some other guy."
Maxxie's head snapped up. He turned around very slowly, though, face blank of
the surprise that had threatened to overwhelm him when he heard the voice speak
up behind him. He looked Tony in the eye and raised his eyebrows. "What exactly
are we talking about here?"
"You, placing an ultimatum," Tony replied without hesitation.
Maxxie took out his book out of his locker and snapped it shut, placed it into
his bag as calmly as possible. The thought of Tony fucking another guy made him
strangely feverish inside, like he had a feeling about it, but was uncertain
what it was. It wasn't jealousy – he knew jealousy. It was different, it was
not something he'd felt before, like a sort of loss, but not important enough
to really break him.
"So you've given it some thought," he said, settling for being calm and steady
with his replies. Throwing a fit wouldn't work, Michelle had proven that time
and time again. Not that Maxxie had any reason to throw a fit, or even the
desire to do so.
"Indeed, I did," Tony said, and started walking with him when Maxxie made his
way towards Arts class. "And I decided that the easiest way to get you to
concede was to attack."
"Concede what, exactly?" Maxxie rummaged in his bag in search of his favourite
drawing pen. Had he forgotten it in his last class? He'd been doodling
Michelle-faces; she'd been especially fiery today. He figured something must
have happened to set her off, though what...?
"Are you fucking listening to me?" Tony cuffed him in the shoulder. "We're
talking sex here. Your mind is supposed to be hanging on my every word."
"Oh, fuck." Maxxie grimaced. "Georgie."
"What?"
"He borrowed my favourite drawing pen, I totally forgot. Never mind, maybe
he'll be there in the class –"
"Is that the guy who gave up his pants for a kiss on the cheek from you?"
That made Maxxie look up. "What? Oh, yeah." He grinned. "He's very sweet."
Tony narrowed his eyes. "I could fuck him, you know. You're right, he looks
cute enough."
Maxxie zipped up his bag and threw it over his shoulder, giving Tony a confused
look. So that was the game they were playing now? He rolled his eyes; the lows
some people stepped to. "Whatever," he shrugged and continued on his way. "Like
I care."
This time, Tony didn't follow. "You really don't, huh?" he asked, and the
expression on his face was strange.
Maxxie just gestured a 'whatever' at him, not looking back. Inwardly, though,
he did worry that he might need to warn Georgie now to look out for Tony; he
didn't really think Tony was in the slightest interested in sex with Georgie,
but one could never be sure how Tony had interpreted Maxxie calling Georgie
sweet. He might see it as a threat to their little power-play and decide to
broaden the board.
 
~*~
***** Chapter 7 *****
If you're interested in the talk Maxxie had with Georgie, you can read that
here :)
 
~*~
 
After his talk with Georgie, Maxxie went to the sports facilities and practiced
for a good two hours to hone his performance to perfection. It still tripped
here and there, just minor little missteps he would have ironed out until the
competition on Saturday, the nationals; he'd been waiting for that all year, it
was his chance. He wasn't going to let anything fuck it up for him.
He checked his cell, so he wouldn't be surprised by some impromptu visit by
Tony, but there was no message and no call. There were other guys in the locker
room as well, showering, changing for their practice – it looked like they were
going to play Basketball, but he didn't ask.
The big surprise awaited him when he stepped out of the locker room and into
the hallway. Anwar was waiting for him, sitting on the floor, back to the wall,
lips pursed in a pout.
"What do you want?" Maxxie asked, caught off guard.
"To talk to you." Anwar didn't sound like someone who was grovelling for
forgiveness.
Maxxie cocked his head. "Is that so? Change of heart? Decided the filthy gay
boy is finally good enough for you again?"
"Oh, shut up, you know I never thought –"
"You're a hypocritical piece of shit, is what you are. What did you come here
for?" Maxxie bit the inside of his cheek to keep from shouting and throwing
phrases at Anwar that would not be as quickly forgotten if they ever managed to
become friends again. He'd known the moment he'd looked at Anwar, that this was
not a peace offering. It wouldn't be so easy.
Anwar scrambled up onto his feet; his hands were clenched to fists. "I came
here to… to maybe make things right again. To work this out between the two of
us. I thought maybe… but you're being unreasonable! How can we ever work this
out if you're not going to –"
"To what?" Maxxie spat. "To change? It's not a choice, you moron! Why can't you
fucking accept that in your big, air-filled head?"
"Look, I found this girl," Anwar said hastily. "She likes you a lot, and she's
really, really hot, like, really, and she said she'd go out with you –"
"Fuck." Maxxie stared at Anwar, not believing what he was hearing. "Fuck, you
sick little shit, you have got to be kidding me. You're trying to cure me now?
With pussy? So now I'm a slut who'll sleep with everything as long as it's got
a hole? Seriously, just… just leave me the fuck alone."
With a noise of disgust, he pushed Anwar out of the way, not caring that he
pushed a little too violently, and stormed out, his bag thrown over his
shoulder. It was heavy, too heavy to run with, but in that moment, he didn't
care. Tears stung at the corners of his eyelids, and the pain that flared
through his veins, in his heart, burning him up, was too enormous to take.
 
~*~
 
His mum was waiting for him with dinner when he came home, exhausted. He must
have looked like shit, because she gave him a hug and kept caressing his cheek
until he rolled his eyes and told her to stop it.
"How was Luce's day, anyway?" he asked.
She put his place before him and sat down on her seat opposite his own. "He
didn't say much. Nobody bothered him, looks like, though he doesn't seem too
happy…"
Maxxie bit his lip. "What about football? Is he at least gonna go there, this
week?"
"I have no idea. I'll talk to him about it, but I can't do anything if he
doesn't want to go. It's his decision."
"Do you…" Maxxie hesitated, but he couldn't not ask, in the end. "Do you think
he hates – hates that I'm not normal? It would be so much easier…"
"Don't be silly." His mum reached over and stopped his fork in mid-air by
touching his wrist and making him look her in the eye. "You're his big brother,
and he loves you very, very much. He knows you take care of him and he loves
you even more for that."
"But –" It didn't seem right. Luce had been so… so scared and he hadn't said a
word about it to Maxxie until Maxxie had forced the issue. Why hadn't he even
mentioned before that people were giving him trouble?
"If you really think Luce feels bothered by anything about your person, then
maybe you should talk to him," his mum suddenly said. "You're both in need of a
good talk anyway." She looked at him sharply. "Talk to each other, I mean."
"I - yeah. I think so, too."
But he didn't go up to Luce's room after he'd finished dinner. He stayed
downstairs for a while longer, talking to his mum, and then, when it got late,
went to his room to do his homework. If he was honest with himself, he had to
admit he was a little scared.
 
~*~
 
It was nice, for a change, to just kiss without having that force of driving
need running through his body, to kiss without ulterior motive, without
pressure or attachment, without having to pay attention that it might get out
of hand… just the slow slide of tongue against tongue as their mouths merged
together.
It wasn't something they did very often, just sometimes, he didn't know a
number, since Maxxie hadn't really counted and it wasn't like it was memorable
or anything.
It was just kissing.
Chris was a good kisser, one had to leave him that, and Maxxie liked getting
lost in his mouth, as their lips pressed together. They were sitting in his
room, supposed to work on the biology project, except Chris had said, "You look
like you need some serious cheering up, mate!"
And Maxxie had replied, "Well, you're the expert on raising spirits, aren't
you?"
And that had led to Chris pulling Maxxie next to him onto the bed and sitting
him against the wall, proceeding to snog the heck out of him.
They did that, sometimes. When Maxxie'd first come out to Chris, Chris had
promised he wasn't gay but he'd like to make out some time. It had been pretty
funny, in a friend-ish sort of way.
And also, Chris was a really good kisser. Maxxie moaned a little into his mouth
and Chris curled his tongue around Maxxie's and made a little noise that meant
he was getting turned on.
They pulled apart.
"I got Angie to admit that she likes me," Chris grinned. "I think she's
starting to fall for me."
Maxxie grinned back and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "That's
great. Should I have a lookout for your wedding dress yet?"
Chris punched his shoulder. "You really are feeling better, aren't you?" He
smirked. "Didn't think that would work another time."
Maxxie shrugged. "Always works."
"Yeah. Figures. You are the average teenage guy after all. I was starting to
have doubts."
"What do you mean by that?" Maxxie narrowed his eyes.
Chris returned his gaze unabashed, not getting the suspicious vibe at all. "You
being all without boyfriend and all, and I know how you are about sex being
all… you know." He waved his hand.
Maxxie blinked. "Being all you know? What is that supposed to mean?"
Chris flushed a little. "I dunno…"
"Does it really seem that way?" Maxxie tilted his head. "That sex is like,
something special to me? Why? I never even mention sex with you guys!"
"You mention boyfriends a lot, though," Chris said. He sounded surprised.
"Wanting a boyfriend. You know. The whole deal. I thought you meant you were
looking for a guy to… you know. Fuck."
"Oh."
Chris licked his lips. "Was I wrong then?" he asked. There was a sheepish
expression on his face. "Angie always says I'm a bit on the dumb side
sometimes. You know. Kinda slow."
"A bit," Maxxie said and shook his head. "You're not dumb. Just… I don't… I'm
not looking for a boyfriend. And I don't need to be in love to have sex, you
know. It's not like that."
"Yeah. Okay." Chris looked at him, and there was a concerned glint in his eyes.
"Would you tell me?"
"What?"
"If you had a boyfriend?"
Maxxie smiled then, because for a second, he'd thought he would have to lie,
and he hated lying to Chris, who was so open about everything he felt for Angie
and also, Maxxie. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I would tell you."
"Okay." Chris' grin was huge. "Thanks. Now, you gonna tell me what's bothering
you so much that you need a good snog to get it out of your head for a few
minutes? Is it Luce again?"
Maxxie always wondered why people miscalculated on the depth of Chris' insight.
He knew his friend well enough by now to know that Chris picked up on shit like
that, if only on the side next to everything else that was going on. He was
glad he'd been careful enough with Tony that Chris hadn't gotten wind of it.
"Yeah, it's Luce," Maxxie shrugged. "He's so… so vulnerable, you know? Like,
those bullies, if they get him, I don't know what I'll do to them. And he's so
scared, and I think he might start to hate me if people make his life any
harder over my goddamn preferences."
Chris smacked him over the head. "You idiot," he said and rolled his eyes.
"Like anyone could hate you."
Maxxie looked away. "Anwar does."
"He's a stupid git, and also, he doesn't hate you. He's confused. Do allow him
his sexual identity crisis, huh?"
"What are you talking about?"
Chris shrugged. "'s what I'm guessing. No guy who's secure in his sexuality
would react like that. Look at me. I'm straight."
"You like to make out with me," Maxxie pointed out.
"So? Doesn't make me any less straight. Well, maybe a little bit bi, but hey.
Not like it matters. Look at Tony. He's –"
"Sexual."
Chris gave a laugh. "You could say that, yeah. Anyway. Anwar… might have a bit
of a panic attack. Don't worry, he'll get over it."
"You think?" Maxxie couldn't help the hopeful feeling in his chest that rose at
the words.
"Yeah."
"Even if I don't turn straight?"
"For… yes, Maxxie. Stay gay all you want. He'll come around. I promise."
"What if he doesn't?" Maxxie looked at Chris and he felt like all the fear he'd
been holding in over Anwar never forgetting and never working it out, and their
friendship being lost showed in his eyes, in the way his lower lip trembled a
little.
"I'll beat him up." Chris grinned. "I think I can take him… probably."
"Thanks, mate."
Chris smiled at patted his arm. "'s what friends are for, right?"
 
~*~
***** Chapter 8 *****
For Tony's thoughts on the whole matter, you can check out this_little_side-
story.
 
~*~
 
The Thursday marked exactly two weeks since he'd started fooling around with
Tony, and Maxxie had to admit that it hadn't seemed that long by far, and on
the other hand as long as almost a year.
He could feel the impatience roll off Tony's shoulders when he met the other
boy in front of the school building on the field of grass where they all used
to sit before classes started; Chris was showing Tony something in his
psychology book and Anwar watched them with a grin on his face. The moment he
saw Maxxie approach, he stopped laughing, got up and walked away.
"Fuck," Maxxie said and sat down next to his two friends, scrunched his face up
in dismay.
"Fucker!" Chris yelled after Anwar. "What's wrong with you, man?"
Anwar turned half-way back and gave Chris the finger.
"You two are at a real happy-place in your marriage, huh?" Tony smirked.
"Shut up, Tony." Jal came up behind him and pushed him, making him half-trip
over the bag he'd put before his feet. "What are you losers sitting here for,
anyway? Isn't there a class you should be getting to?"
Maxxie nodded at her, and she gave him a sad little smile. She was just turning
around to walk towards the entrance when Tony called her back again.
"D'you know where Michelle's at the moment?"
Jal glared and didn't answer.
"What do you want with her, mate?" Chris frowned as he got up. "Leave her
alone, yeah? You're gonna make her kick you in the balls again, you just wait."
"Funny," Tony said with an eyeroll.
Maxxie just followed them in silence, not participating in the banter. Indeed,
he thought instead, Michelle would… wouldn't she?
 
~*~
 
Except Maxxie met Michelle after classes by her locker, and as he walked past
her, he remembered that he'd seen Tony talk to her during the day a couple of
times, at lunch, with Sid sitting by her side, and Tony had seemed normal, he'd
seemed relaxed, and Michelle and Sid hadn't glared or scowled about him sitting
there.
Maybe things with them and Tony were slowly growing to become better again. Sid
had seemed really pissed off at Tony for being the way he was towards Michelle,
and towards Sid, too, but Maxxie knew how easy it was to forgive Tony; hell,
Maxxie knew how easy it was to forgive, period, if the other person apologized
properly.
He was about to push past Michelle and get out of school, home, he still had to
talk to Luce like he'd promised he would, and he really wanted to, too, just he
didn't have a single fucking clue how to go about it… when she stopped him by
placing a hand on his arm.
"Maxxie… wait a moment?"
"Uhm, sure," he said and stopped, blocking the line of students walking behind
him.
Michelle tilted her head and looked at him contemplatively, then nodded. "You
want to walk out of here? We… I wanted to talk to you."
"Oh." He looked at her with hunched shoulders. "Okay." Inside his chest, his
heart was pounding heavily, wondering whether she'd found out what was going
on, whether Tony'd told her, just to make Maxxie's life living hell for not
putting out…
"Don't look so scared," Michelle then laughed and shut her locker, slinging her
bag over her back and leading the way. "I'm not going to hurt you."
"You sure could take me on," Maxxie muttered. Half the school's male population
was afraid of her now, desperate not to piss her off. It would have been funny,
if it hadn't been for the completely fucked-up circumstances in which it had
come about.
"I know," she smirked. "But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about.
Look, Maxxie…" she hesitated.
"Yeah?"
"I wanted to apologize for… for saying all these nasty things to you. And about
you. And all that."
"No, seriously, don't, you don't need to –"
"Of course, I do. I was angry, and I'm sorry for what I said. I swear, I didn't
mean it, I – come on, it wasn't you, we both know it wasn't, you just…"
"Michelle, please, you really, really don't need to –"
"Would you just let me apologize for calling you a slut?" Michelle glared.
"Seriously. Stop being so skittish about this. I feel really bad about being
such a bitch. And also, this is very self-centred, and it's not like I don't
still kind of half-hate you for the fact that you let my boyfriend suck your
dick while he was still my boyfriend. But I also kind of feel guilty about
shoving all the blame on you, so can you just accept this to make me feel
better? You do owe me as much, you know?"
Maxxie looked at the ground. And so much more, he thought inwardly with a
wince. So much more.
"Maxxie?"
"Yeah. Of course, I accept the apology. I know you were angry and hurt. It's
okay. I really don't blame you. I… I never did really say sorry, did I? I mean,
I kind of…" he felt himself blush. "I apologized to the whole class later,
because I felt so bad for it, because I knew you guys were together and just…
but I never did say sorry to you. So yes. I really am sorry. For what
happened."
She smiled at him. "It… it might be getting better, though."
"What?" Maxxie looked up at that, eyes narrowing.
"Well, Tony, he's… he's being really sweet lately. And I… I just love him so
much and he hurt me, he really did, but he – he's just… Tony, you know? And I
can't be mad at him forever and –"
"Maybe I'm not the right person to talk to about this," Maxxie interrupted her,
feeling hot anger rise in his throat, as well as a wave of hating
disappointment at Tony. "Seriously, Michelle… I don't… I don't want to talk you
into anything or out of anything, but Tony… he's. He's not – he lies, okay? A
lot. He doesn't see anything wrong with it. He just –"
"I know." Michelle returned his gaze sharply. "I've been his girlfriend for a
while, Maxxie, do you think I don't know he lies, breaks promises, cheats? I
know." Then her gaze softened. "And still… if I don't… sometimes I feel like
I'm abandoning him, because he is never going to find anyone again who loves
him as honestly as I do and maybe… maybe some day, it will be enough!"
Maxxie looked at her, really looked at her, the hopeful expression in her eyes
and the way she just seemed to blossom at the thought that she might be able to
heal him, to make him right, be true love's messenger of eternal happiness… and
he felt like the power he held over Tony was nothing in comparison to the power
of making that expression leave Michelle's face, make her crumble and destroy
this little bit of hope forever with his knowledge.
He stayed silent and just turned, walking away without another word.
 
~*~
 
Tony was waiting for him before the sports facilities, with a smirk on his face
a mile wide, and Maxxie yanked him inside with a sudden anger curled so tight
in his stomach that it made him want to growl in frustration.
"Why do you do this fucking shit?" he asked, and kissed Tony's mouth with
bruising strength.
"What shit?" Tony muttered into his mouth and got his hand inside Maxxie's
underwear, stroking his cock.
"Michelle," Maxxie snapped and bit Tony's lower lip so hard that it started
bleeding. He shoved his hips into Tony's and ground him into the wall at his
back.
"Because she lets me," Tony replied, after a while, after swiping Maxxie's
teeth with his tongue and licking into his mouth at a quick pace. His hand was
working slow in comparison, almost languid, jerking him off.
Maxxie gasped. "You're so fucked up."
"And you aren't?"
"No."
Tony smirked against his lips and he pushed Maxxie's trousers down, then pulled
his shirt up and over his head. "Sure you aren't, baby. Just keep fucking with
my head like I do with yours."
"Fuck you." Maxxie pushed Tony's jeans down over his hips, followed by his
boxers and pressed their bodies together into a line of above and below. "Fuck
you, you selfish little prick."
"And yet, here we are." Tony licked at his ear and got two fingers into Maxxie,
fucking him steadily.
Maxxie moaned and pushed back. "I hate you so much."
"But we're having so much fun!"
Maxxie came with a shudder and dropped to his knees, taking Tony's cock between
his lips. He closed his eyes and tried to forget Michelle's hopeful face that
was burned to the backs of his eyelids. Tony's hand was caressing his neck as
he rocked into Maxxie's mouth.
"You're so good at this," he moaned, and Maxxie thought, I bet you say that to
everyone and he knew he wasn't special, no more than Michelle was.
It always came back to that, didn't it, though?
He made Tony come with a trick of his tongue and swallowed, caught a drop of
come at the corner of his lips with his thumb. He stood up, not looking at
Tony. But Tony had other plans, he always had, and his hands caught Maxxie's
shoulders gently and turned him towards him.
He gave Maxxie's thumb a lick, eyes burning with heat, and then kissed him,
long and thorough and slow, so slow that Maxxie thought his knees would give
way a second time.
"Enough," he breathed into Tony's mouth, after a good ten minutes of just
kissing. "I can't –"
"Of course you can," Tony grinned, and it wasn't even a smirk, it was just a
grin. "It's just fun, after all."
And that was the only thing Maxxie could believe, even if every other words was
a lie. That this was just a bit of fun to pass the time.
 
~*~
„You should just leave her alone," Maxxie said, finally, because he could, and
he knew he owed it to her. He was leaning back against the wall, and the sweat
had dried on his skin from their earlier activities. His watch told him that he
was five minutes late already for training, and he'd be lucky to get away with
just a short reprimand. Especially in face of Saturday's competition. But in
this particular moment, Maxxie couldn't quite bring himself to care, lazy
glumness running through his limbs.
"Who?" Tony asked. He was sitting on the floor opposite, with his head leaned
back and eyes closed, still breathing a bit more quickly than usual.
"Michelle. You should leave her alone, Tone."
"Why?"
"Why play with her like this? Why don't you just let her be happy?"
Tony opened his eyes then and looked at Maxxie. Maxxie felt a little chill down
his spine from the intensity of the gaze. "Because I love her," Tony then said.
Maxxie stared at him, a minute passed, two, before he asked, "Do you?"
Tony's mouth curled into a grin, a sneer really. "I don't know. Probably not."
There was another small silence, Tony's words echoed in Maxxie's head like a
malignant ghost. Then Tony continued, "I'm not stupid, you know."
Maxxie returned his look. "I know. I never said you were."
"I have no idea what you mean by this little performance of yours, by doing
this," Tony raised his hand as if to gesture back and forth between them. "So
I'm guessing you know."
"Know what, exactly?" Maxxie asked, thinking back, two weeks, to a report on
Angie's desk he should never have seen, a kick in his gut that had made him
think twice about his own behaviour. He felt like throwing up, suddenly.
"It's not like I don't want to," Tony said, like he was talking to himself,
like he didn't even hear what Maxxie was saying, a contemplative tone to his
voice like he was wondering why not. What? Maxxie wanted to ask, and Tony said,
"You know that I can't, though, don't you?" Tony gave a little chuckle.
Maxxie looked away. Love. Impossible, he remembered that, yes; he remembered
the words, pointed, that for someone like Tony, emotional attachment meant loss
of control and therefore power, a weakness Tony couldn't, wouldn't ever make
himself vulnerable of. He gave a small nod.
"I figured you might, when you didn't completely freak out when I said I loved
her. You didn't even look like you believed me."
Hardly the point, Maxxie thought, and said, "No one could treat a person they
love the way you've been treating Michelle. You've hurt her, played with her,
broken her heart so many times over, taken away happiness whenever she was just
short of finding it with someone else –"
"Spare me," Tony interrupted Maxxie's sudden tirade. "If you care so much for
her, why don't you go be her boyfriend?"
Maxxie scowled. "You have no idea what you have, by having another person love
you, what that's worth, do you?"
"No," Tony shrugged. "Can't say I'm missing much, though, because if it would
make me susceptible to other people's games as it makes Michelle, I'd say I'm
better off not trying, aren't I?" Tony gave him a long look. "So, is that what
you've been trying to do, then? To make me… what? Feel shit?" His eyes were
cold.
"No," Maxxie said. "I wasn't trying to do anything. I'm just in this for the
entertainment." But at the same time, Cassie's words rang through his mind, Do
you think he'll see how special you are? and they stirred up something deep in
his stomach, making him feel as if he'd swallowed too much sour cream.
Tony didn't look like he believed Maxxie, but when Maxxie didn't budge, he
nodded. "So stop going all fucking philosophical on me, man. Seriously, stop.
Stop thinking about Michelle, because I'm certainly not. Why should you be? And
anyway, did she ever talk to you before? I mean, outside of calling you a
filthy little boyfriend-stealing slut?"
Maxxie flushed.
"See?" Tony smirked. "Just think about what's important here – talking about
important, shouldn't you have been like, training for fifteen minutes or so?"
"Yeah. None of your fucking business, is it, though?"
"No," Tony agreed. "Not really."
Maxxie stayed seated for another minute before he rose from his seat. "Anyway,"
he then decided to press, because really, he could obsess about it as much as
he wanted, but he wouldn't get an answer until he asked. "Did you decide about
the sex yet?" He gripped the door frame for support and looked Tony in the
eyes, straightforward, unafraid.
"Yeah." Surprising, as always, but that was Tony for you. Tony leaned back
against the wall and closed his eyes again. He seemed completely relaxed, or
would have, to the casual observer, however there was a slight tension around
his neck musculature and shoulders that Maxxie knew hadn't been there before.
"Yeah, 's fine, I mean, whatever, right? It's just sex; and if we're gonna do
it, I may as well try which side gets the better end of the deal."
Maxxie bit his tongue as to not to say what was on his mind, mainly the
question why the hell Tony felt the need to explain his reasoning to Maxxie,
when he never did that, about anything. But he let the opportunity slip and
simply nodded. "Any preferred time and place?"
Tony waved him off. "I'll let you know when I'm in the mood."
 
~*~
 
Maxxie was sore after practice, not only bodily, but also because his mind was
obsessing so much over the problems he was having that it didn't give him any
rest, it just worked and worked and worked and he couldn't make it stop, while
his feet moved on their own accord.
His trainer found him in good shape – not without reason, Maxxie hadn't been
slacking off, after all – but his program still had some minor kinks, steps he
would have to repeat again and again to get his body under perfect control and
do whatever he had to do, to win.
Winning… he didn't want to think about it. The thought was too big, too much
like a dream-come-true, for Maxxie to know what to do with. It wasn't even
really certain the winner would be invited to New York, even though he wanted
to go so badly, now more than ever…
Except there were still Chris and Anwar and Cassie and even Tony, and most of
all, Luce and his mum, and he really, really didn't know how he felt about
leaving them all behind. Would feel. Maxxie shook his head. Would feel, except
for now, it did really seem like he was leaving at least his friends behind,
wasn't it? After all, his mum was pretty obvious about wanting to move to
Wales.
He arrived at home shortly past six, later than usually, and found his mum and
his brother in the living room, watching a Quiz show on TV.
"Hey," he greeted them, and at the sight of his brother, his stomach cramped,
because they still had a little talk to have, and his mind was being helpful,
saying… If not now, when? There's no time like now!.
"Maxxie!" Luce grinned and bounced off his seat. He was by Maxxie's side in a
second, hugging him once before grabbing his wrist and tugging him towards the
couch. "Look, I'm totally winning! Mum doesn't know half the stuff I know
that's the answers! 19 to 12, see?" They had put the score on a paper sheet on
the table before them.
"Great!" Maxxie congratulated him. "Don't you let loose now, though! Quiz's
still running, isn't it?"
"Yeah!" Luce nodded and sat back down. "But you can play instead of mum,
really, you have a better chance at winning!"
"Does he?" Their mum leaned back and grinned at Maxxie with a wink. "I didn't
believe Maxxie was so much smarter than me!"
"Maxxie knows every answer, probably!" Luce replied indignantly.
"I'm sure he does."
"I don't!" Maxxie flushed. "Luce, don't talk nonsense, we've played this quiz
before, you always get much more points than I do!"
Luce waved him off. "That's because you're cheating. I know you're letting me
win!" Luce looked at him, eyes wide, grinning widely. "But I don't mind,
really, I like to win!"
Maxxie slapped his forehead with his hand and groaned. "I bet you do. Mum?
What's for dinner?"
"On the stove, dear," his mum replied. "Just heat it up and it's ready to go!"
 
~*~
 
Later that evening, Maxxie gave himself a kick up the butt and went to Luce's
room. He thought maybe, a conversation would start up, and maybe, Luce would
talk by himself about his issues, and maybe, if not, well, that wasn't really
tragic, was it. Maybe then, he wasn't meant to force it.
"Luce? Hey, little bro," he said upon entering his room and he smiled as non-
threatening as possible.
"Hey Maxxie," Luce stopped his game on his computer and turned around on his
chair. "What's up?"
"Nothing in particular," Maxxie said. "Just wanted to check how you're doing."
"I'm great." Luce held up a game package. "Look, mum and I went shopping this
afternoon. I begged so long until she got me the Final Fantasy game you said
was too violent for me!" He stuck out his tongue.
Maxxie rolled his eyes. "Oh well. See? Mum's so much better than I am…"
"You're weird today, you know that, right?" Luce grimaced. "She's my best mum
in the world, and you're my best big brother in the world. It's not like you
can compare… you're not my mum!"
That elicited a laugh. "Yeah," Maxxie gave in. "Maybe you're right."
"Of course, I'm right," Luce replied. "I won the quiz, after all."
"So, you're really doing well, then?" Maxxie inched forwards and sat on Luce's
bed, uninvited. "I mean, in school, too?"
"If you're thinking of picking me up again tomorrow…" Luce glared. "Don't."
Hurt, Maxxie looked away. "Why not? I've got some time before I have to go to
my training, after school. I thought we could –"
"Really, don't."
"Are you ashamed of me?" Maxxie blurted, because his mouth obviously hadn't
gotten the message earlier that the topic was to be avoided at all costs,
because Luce really didn't need additional baggage to his own.
"What?" Luce frowned. "Why would I… what do you mean?"
"Nothing. Nothing, really, forget I said anything, it wasn't –"
"Don't say that. I'm sorry I don't want you to pick me up after school! I
promise, it's not because of you, really!" Luce was looking at him, all
desperate and not knowing how to say it without bollocksing it up even more.
"I'm sorry! I don't want you to get hurt again! I'm sorry!"
"You – that's why? But I won't get hurt, I can take care of myself and you, you
know I can, why would you –?"
"Because you got hurt before, too!"
"Oh."
"I really don't want that to happen again. The men from the ambulance said
maybe next time it could be worse and you'd have to really go to the hospital
and I don't want that!"
"Oh."
Luce slid off the chair and sat down next to Maxxie, putting his arms around
his neck and hugging him tightly. "Really!"
"So it's not… it's not because –" Maxxie swallowed and mumbled into Luce's
hair, "It's not because people talk about me and… you know?"
Luce looked up then, their faces inches apart, his eyes wide and wondrous. "I
told you!" He sounded really frustrated. "I told you I don't care that you like
boys! I told you!"
"Yeah, but you also didn't want to go to school because of people being stupid
about it!"
Luce flushed. "Did mum tell you –"
"No!" Maxxie shook his head. "I came up yesterday to get you for breakfast and
I kind of heard. Sorry."
"I still don't wanna go," Luce said, then. "Because the boys in my class are
stupid… most of them, anyway. They don't get it. I don't like them anymore.
But… but that's only because they don't like you!"
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Okay." Maxxie looked at the floor, near tears. "Okay."
"Maxxie?"
He looked up. "Yeah?"
Luce was smiling. "Hug?"
Maxxie gave a small laugh. "Yeah," he agreed. "Of course," and pulled Luce
close, stroking his back, which made Luce purr like a kitten.
 
~*~
 
Of course, Maxxie couldn't leave it alone. He just couldn't. It wasn't in his
nature. He was one of those people who, if they had a scrape over a bloody
knee, poked at it so long until it broke open again. He wasn't really proud of
it, but then, some people said perseverance was a good trait.
"So…" he said and tried to sound as confident and aloof as possible, because if
he showed how much this meant to him, a kick in the gut would be inevitable –
maybe.
"So?" Anwar asked and threw his locker shut, shouldered his bag. He wasn't
looking at Maxxie.
"You… you know how this weekend, there is the competition for – for the
tapdancing?"
"Yes, Maxxie. I remember."
"So… so would you – are you going to… I mean, it would be cool if you'd come
along, you know. With the others."
Anwar's expression turned shocked. "You serious?" he asked. "I thought you were
still pissed at me. I thought… well, after last time –"
"I know! I mean… you're my friend, though, aren't you. You… I mean, if you
want, it would be great if you came. It's just one day, and I thought –"
"I dunno, Maxxie. I mean… 't would feel uncomfortable, though, wouldn't it? 's
not like we're on great terms at the moment, anyway." He let the last syllable
sound out and stared at his feet.
Maxxie bit his lip. "I'd like to have you there. I – I was angry on Wednesday,
when you said that stuff to me, but. But I thought maybe we could just… if just
for the weekend, come on, mate, I'll need you guys there to cheer for me.
You're my friends, I want you there. And – and the problem, 's not gonna be an
issue for now, anyway, is it?"
"And the others are all coming?" Anwar asked, looking up finally, not quite
into Maxxie's eyes but at a point above his shoulder.
"Well, Jal, Chris and Tony are, for now, Cassie can't, she's gotta look after
her sibling on the weekend and as for Sid or Michelle… well, you know they're
not really talking to me these days." He thought Michelle might not want to
anyway, and he'd well understand if that was the case.
"Where is it and how are we getting there?"
Maxxie grew hopeful at the tone; maybe they'd start patching things up now.
Maybe… maybe Anwar would realize their friendship was worth more than some
stupid prejudice someone had cooked up a couple thousand years ago and admit
it, finally, at some point.
"Depending on how many we'll be in the end, we're going to go in two cars, my
mum's gonna drive and my trainer with another boy from Bristol; the competition
is in London, a two-and-a-half-hour drive, we'll be leaving early in the
morning; I dunno, maybe stay the night at some hotel or something. I doubt
it'll take that long though, a few hours tops."
"I guess…" Anwar muttered, finally.
"Really?" Maxxie just so suppressed the pleased grin that threatened to show on
his face.
"Yeah, I mean… what the hell, right? 's your big day. Can't miss that, can I?"
Anwar didn't seem too convinced of that, he looked awkward and ill at ease
while he said that, but at least, he hadn't turned down Maxxie on the spot.
Maxxie thought that was already a step forwards. He knew he shouldn't do this,
really, shouldn't be the one rebuilding old bridges all the time, but his
friendship with Anwar was one of the best things that had happened to him since
he'd come to Bristol. It wasn't something he was going to give up on easily,
even if Anwar had his head stuck so far up his ass that his brain cells seemed
to have obtained permanent damage.
 
~*~
 
During break at midday, he was just about to sit down on one of the tables that
were unoccupied to have a bite of his sandwich, when Cassie came up to him;
they hadn't had any classes together yet and he was surprised that she'd
decided to sit down with him. She usually tried to find a place nearby Sid
these days.
"Hey Cassie," he greeted her. "If you're here about the art, it's almost done.
I was short on some red, though, I'll have to buy some more paint before I can
finish the colouring. Sorry about that…"
"Oh, lovely," she smiled and placed her bag on her knees. "That's wonderful,
but that wasn't why I came to sit with you. It's so, so amazing of you to think
of it, though. Thank you, thank you, really."
"It's okay," Maxxie felt himself redden. "It was pretty fun. You chose a nice
background for the portrait, it was fun colouring it."
"But Maxxie…" she continued, as if she hadn't heard him. "Back when you said
you and Tony were fucking, are you still doing it?"
Maxxie stared at her. "Excuse me?"
"I'm sorry, that's awfully none of my business, isn't it?" She smiled widely,
and her teeth shone whitely in the sunlight. Her skirt rustled. "I was
wondering, though, because Michelle was saying Tony was being perfectly lovely
these days and it looked like maybe he was really, really trying to win her
back and…" she lowered her voice. "Tony's a very good actor though, isn't he?
So you're still - I wouldn't have… you didn't seem to, lately."
"Not so much at school lately, no," Maxxie admitted, flushing bright red. It
had really been a few days since they'd last fucked during school hours.
"So he's lying to Michelle – again." Cassie's smile seemed downright amused
this time, and Maxxie didn't know what to make of it. "Poor Michelle. Poor
Michelle, she knows he'll never love her properly, and she still thinks…
anyway. Anyway, thank you for telling me."
"Why?" Maxxie finally asked, having found his voice again. "Why do you want to
know? Is there anything you can do? Michelle's never listened to anybody
before, when it came to Tony. She didn't even listen to her own brain, until
she saw him and me in Russia, before her very eyes. You could have told her
back then we were fucking and she would have said it was all nasty lies about
Tony…"
"Don't fear," Cassie touched his upper arm with her long, slim fingers, and
then his cheek, before she placed a little kiss where her fingertips had
rested. "I'm not going to tell anyone about you two. It's not my secret to
tell, is it?"
Maxxie wanted to ask something else, but she was already getting up, dusting
off her skirt. He didn't even have the time to ask what she was going to say to
Michelle, because Cassie was already off.
 
~*~
 
Apparently, there was some great, big conspiracy going on, because right before
his next class, as if he'd heard the conversation and had to remedy the fact
that the school hadn't seen any action from them lately, Tony caught him on the
stairs and hauled him off into the men's room on the second floor.
There was no lock on the door, but that seemed to turn him on even more,
because he immediately went to biting and mauling at Maxxie's lips, working on
the fly of his jeans with quick fingers.
"Shirt off," he ordered and helped Maxxie pull his over his head before he made
short work of his own. Maxxie's pants pooled around his ankles the next moment
and his boxer shorts followed a second later.
"I think this is a really bad idea," Maxxie complained with a nervous look
towards the door.
"Blowjobs are never a bad idea," Tony smirked up at him from where he'd gone
down on his knees and gave the head of Maxxie's cock a lick.
"At least be quick about it," Maxxie hissed and buried his hands in Tony's dark
hair to lead him back and make him take his cock into his mouth. "Yeah, that's
it," he hummed when Tony started to suck him off and worked his hands up and
down his thighs.
He was getting really brilliant at giving head, Maxxie had to admit – the
practice definitely paid off and Tony was a quick learner. He worked with his
hands, touched Maxxie in all the right places and after a few minutes of
tongue-play, slick, wet heat around his cock that made Maxxie's knees tremble
and made him gasp in unidentifiable little sounds, all longing and desire, Tony
slid his fingers around Maxxie's body and pushed into him, stroking him from
the inside out to make him come. Maxxie gave a moan, felt sweat break out all
over his body and his breathing quickened; all his muscles tensed as he finally
conquered the edge.
Tony swallowed as much as he could and lost a bit at the end, cleaned up his
mouth before he rose from his position and kissed Maxxie on the mouth, pushing
his tongue past Maxxie's lips to make him taste himself.
He was rubbing his own hard-on against Maxxie's leg, red-hot skin against
Maxxie's rapidly cooling body when Maxxie took pity on him, turned them over
and pushed Tony up against the wall, raising up his leg over his own hip.
Maxxie really didn't feel like he had the energy to do a lot more than this at
the moment, he was still breathing fast from earlier exertions. However, it
would probably do anyway: Tony did enjoy giving out blowjobs a lot more than
Maxxie would have expected him to and he was always hard after giving.
Maxxie pressed their bodies flush together, started thrusting his hips into
Tony's while his hand found its way down Tony's spine and rubbed at his hole
before entering two spit-slicked fingers at once into him; Tony's whole stance
froze up at the intrusion, a gasp of pleasure, and then he pushed back onto
Maxxie's fingers, taking them deeper. Smiling a bit at the pleasure on Tony's
face, Maxxie kissed his mouth, his jaw, bit into his lower lip and sucked on
it, while he continued fucking him with his fingers and rubbed up against his
cock in quick, precise movements.
Tony came in a matter of minutes, moaning hard into Maxxie's mouth, their
tongues intertwined. Maxxie let him ride it out slowly, didn't stop fucking him
until he was completely still and then removed his fingers from his butt and
took a step back.
"Okay?" he asked, with a quick glance to the door. Fuck, he'd completely
forgotten that anyone could come in at any time.
"Yeah," Tony muttered with his eyes closed; his head was leaning back against
the tiled wall. "A sec, then we'll get cleaned up and going." His belly was
smeared with come, his own and some of Maxxie's.
"Here, let me," Maxxie offered, took some tissues from his backpack and started
cleaning it off Tony carefully. It took them about five more minutes to get
sorted, cleaned up, and then they put their clothes back on. Maxxie caught Tony
staring at him in the mirror when he washed his face with cool water to get the
glazy look off his face. "What?" he asked, unwilling to admit that he felt like
grinning foolishly – like always after sex - which was pretty damn annoying.
Tony's gaze broke away and he smirked. "You look like someone just accosted and
fucked the living daylights outta you."
"Not like you look any different, amigo," Maxxie snorted and splashed him with
a few drops of water. "Also, we're so missing geography right now."
Tony cocked an eyebrow. "The teacher loves me. Do I look like I care?"
"What do we say?" Maxxie asked, suddenly anxious because they were a good ten
minutes late and everyone would notice them coming in together.
"Oh, don't worry." Tony turned on the tap. His smirk grew wider. "We'll just
say you had a little accident during lunchbreak."
Next thing he knew, Maxxie had a huge water-stain on his jeans, wet and clammy;
with a yelp, he repaid Tony in kind.
 
~*~
 
The rest of Maxxie's school day passed slowly. He felt like everyone was
watching him, staring, wondering what had made his lips turn red and puffy –
surely not kissing? - and why he was rubbing his neck to stop the itching where
Tony's teeth had pulled at his skin.
If he was honest, he had to admit that he hated what they did, at school, the
screwing in the restrooms, the locker rooms; it confused him, made him wonder
why Tony would draw attention to them like that. What was it Tony wanted to
achieve by making it so easy to figure out for everyone who cared to look past
first impressions?
Michelle's voice rose, reading a paragraph of French text to translate, and
Maxxie's stomach cramped with guilt. It wasn't his fault, he knew that, his
head knew that, but he still felt like he should be honest with her, that he
should tell her that Tony was faking it, lying, cheating again. Being called a
slut was the least he had to worry about if she found out what kind of
arrangement he and Tony had.
She didn't seem to catch on, though, because when the teacher dismissed the
class and the students gravitated towards the exit, she gave him a little
smile, as if to show she wasn't angry with him about their last conversation,
the way he'd left her standing. Jal walked behind her, frowning. Maxxie thought
maybe… maybe, if he talked to Jal about it… she was sensible, wasn't she? And
she knew what Tony was like. She wasn't as gullible as Michelle was by Tony's
charms…
Decision made, he stopped her outside, hand on her shoulder. "Hey, Jal, say,
can I talk to you?"
She gave his hand a glare. "So what do you want, now?"
He immediately let go, biting his lip. "Sorry."
"What is it, Maxxie? I've got orchestra now –"
"It's… 's about Michelle," Maxxie said softly. "And Tony."
She gave him a long, scrutinizing look, then rolled her eyes. "Fine, walk me to
my class and talk. Come on."
"So, you know what Tony's like, right?"
"Yes. I know what Tony's like, period." She snorted. "Wanker."
"Yeah, so, can't you tell Michelle that he's playing with her again? I mean,
she seems to want to give him another chance and I just – I know he's just
trying to screw with her head again, I know it, and just… please? Can't you
talk to her?"
Jal cocked her head to the side, furious. "That deceitful little tosser! What
kind of sick person does things like that, anyway? I swear, if he hurts her
again –"
"I'd… I'd say something, but. She wouldn't listen to me, would she? And you're
her best friend, aren't you? So she'll have to listen to you and, and tell him
to fuck off or something, right?"
"Right." He could see that she was thinking, forehead creased in concentration,
then she turned toward him with a scowl. "And how do you know that, anyway?
Been fucking him again, 'ave you?"
Maxxie paled and looked at his shoes.
 
~*~
 
He hadn't expected it. Not today, not this soon after the last time, but
something seemed to have clicked in place. Maxxie was helping Luce with his
homework when the phone call came. His phone vibrated against his leg and gave
a little jingle.
"Yep?" he greeted, flipping it open.
"So, can I come over then?"
"Oh, no, I really don't think this is a good idea…"
Luce looked at him strangely, mouthing, "Who is it?"
"Tony," Maxxie mouthed back, and then, when Tony said, "You said I was to pick
time and place!" Maxxie replied, "But not tonight, you twat, you know exactly
well that we're leaving early tomorrow!"
"So? We'll work off the nerves." Tony sounded smug. "Seriously, what are you
worried about?"
Maxxie looked at Luce, who was still watching him, suspicious, and swallowed.
If there was one truth to that, it was that he was in dire need of a
distraction. He'd been climbing the walls with nervousness, stomach doing the
rollercoaster while he couldn't get his mind off the competition, mulling it
over and over in his head, where he could make mistakes, what he could fuck up,
how he could embarrass himself before the jury.
Oh, hell. "Fine," he gave in. "For an hour or so. But not longer than that, and
we're not doing what you think we'll be doing."
"Whatever do you think I think we'll be doing?" Tony seemed to smirk.
"I'm not discussing this with you. Later." Maxxie closed his phone and turned
back to Luce's homework.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Luce asked him.
"I'm sure," Maxxie said curtly, and then, "not that it's any of your business."
"So he is your boyfriend, then?"
"He isn't."
"But…"
"He just isn't, okay? Now, let's go back to this problem, all right?" When Luce
opened his mouth once more, Maxxie shook his head. "Just leave it."
Luce sighed. "Fine. But mum would hit the roof if she knew you're screwing
around –"
"I'm not screwing around, Luce. And also, mum's at Bianca's for this evening,
so she's not going to find out… is she?"
"No. Not from me anyway. Sorry." Luce put his head on his hands and shrugged.
"I still think though –"
"Luce." Maxxie knew he sounded strict, but he really didn't want to discuss
this of all things with his little brother. "Drop it. I'm fine. Whatever I do,
it's none of your business. Now, back to your homework assignment!"
 
~*~
 
They'd just finished and were preparing dinner, when the doorbell rang. Maxxie
felt a little shudder of nervousness twist his stomach, a shower of shivers
down his spine, anticipation, but not more than before a competition.
"Come on in," he said, then, "hey, are you staying for dinner?"
"I ate," Tony shrugged. "But I guess if you didn't, I can keep you some
company. Where's your mum?"
"Out, at her girlfriend's place. I think she was looking forward to spending
some time with her again, after all the hassle in the past few months…"
Tony raised his eyebrows. "Your mum has a girlfriend? So why aren't they both
playing the mums, wouldn't that make things easier on you with the brother?"
Maxxie scowled. "Luce and me, we're doing just fine, thank you, Tony. It's none
of your business."
"Don't mind me," Tony said. "I'm just wondering."
"Mmm." Maxxie led him into the kitchen. "Luce?"
Luce turned from buttering the last sandwich and slapped some cheese on it,
before he put the whole plate on the table. "Hey, Tony," he said. "You bumming
some dinner off us tonight?"
"Luce!"
"I'm just saying," Luce grinned. "Or maybe he's here for a wholly different
kind of –"
"Luce!"
Tony gave a snort. "The little beast has a big mouth. Why am I not surprised?"
Maxxie scowled at the both of them. "You know, if you two wanna stop bickering
any time now, that would be great. Luce, sit down. Now."
"Someone's touchy," Tony taunted.
Maxxie's scowl deepened. "And you, shut up."
 
~*~
 
Tony kissed him when they were halfway up the stairs, against the banister,
crowding into him like he'd been kept from this for weeks, not merely a few
hours.
"Tone, Luce's gonna –"
"So? Let the kid get some education on how to kiss properly," Tony whispered
into his mouth and bit his lower lip, before he sucked on it gently.
"Fuck you, Tony, stop it." Maxxie pushed at his shoulder, annoyed. "My room's
fair game, but not here, okay? God, you're crazy, you fuck, do you get off on
that voyeurism shit or what?"
Tony gave him a strange look. "What if I do?"
Maxxie kept him from kissing him again and turned to make his way further up.
"Just adds to your ever-growing list of mental disorders, really," he couldn't
help but push.
"Ah, is that it, then?" Tony smirked. "You're calling me sick now?"
Maxxie licked his lips. Nice one, he had to admit. There were enough people who
would call them both sick in the head for fucking boys, not to mention the
little game they were currently engaged in. He had a feeling that it took a
special kind of dysfunction to enjoy the power-trip this sort of arrangement
gave a person.
"What's with you turning up here today, anyway?" he asked. "You know very well
how important tomorrow's for my career, if you're here to ruin –"
"Oh, relax, you idiot. I'm not going to hurt you or anything, all right? We'll
fool around a bit. Hey, you can fuck me, right?"
They were at the door, Maxxie pushed the handle and they were inside. He closed
it behind them carefully, checking that Luce wasn't nearby. Last they'd seen
him, he'd been in front of the TV, watching a movie, but… safe was better than
sorry. Luce was too curious for his own good sometimes. Then Maxxie turned to
Tony and grabbed his upper arm, keeping him in place so he couldn't avoid
Maxxie's gaze.
"You're serious," he said. "We're not even starting; this is no heat of the
moment thing. You've been planning this," he concluded. But he couldn't figure
out why Tony should decide on now. Why tonight? What was different about
tonight? Had he missed something important? Was there something about giving it
up tonight that would make Tony more in control, something that would… press
his emotional buttons to the down? There had to be some kind of manipulation
involved here, some kind of plan, right?
"Stop thinking so much," Tony grated. "I'm just bored with what we've been
doing lately, I want the real thing. I wanna know how it feels, so we'll do it.
It's that simple."
It's never that simple, Maxxie wanted to reply, but he kept his mouth shut. It
was no use. Tony would never understand that Maxxie knew exactly what was up
with him. That Maxxie knew everything Tony did had a purpose and that
everything was completely controlled - a means to an end only Tony could see.
Instead, Maxxie kissed Tony, walking him backwards towards the bed, fucked his
mouth in a promise of soonish activities. Tony's arms wound around his hips,
pulling him close, their hips met, Maxxie gasped, and Tony took over, invading
his mouth. His fingers felt cool as they slipped beneath his shirt, travelled
up and down the small of his back.
"Don't stop, 't feels nice," Maxxie mumbled. It did, it felt different from the
urging harshness with which they usually went at it; the gentle caress of
Tony's fingers as they slid over his skin was disquietingly lovely, making
goosebumps settle over his arms. This happened rarely, only on occasion, when
Tony felt like showing Maxxie something… Maxxie didn't get what. That he was
special, maybe, or maybe just that he was susceptible to the simple charm of
love, just like anyone else. Maxxie never took it for serious affection,
though. He knew better than that.
At least, Maxxie thought, he had to have some of Tony's trust, for Tony to let
him go all the way. And that was good… wasn't it? He couldn't think, really,
with Tony's tongue against his own, and Tony's quick fingers rubbing in just
the right places. Why was it so important he had Tony's trust, again?
Not important, his brain provided. Not important at all. So Maxxie let it slip
and concentrated instead on Tony, Tony, who was opening the fly of his pants,
popping the button, pushing them down over his hips, Tony who pulled Maxxie's
shirt over his head and licked at his pulse point, nibbling at his collarbone.
"You really wanna do this, huh?" Maxxie asked.
"Sure," Tony replied. His voice was rough, deeper than normal, and something
was glinting in his eyes, a light of anticipation, and a shimmer of maybe fear.
"Okay…" Maxxie said, swallowed. "Okay, uhm, so I have stuff, probably,
somewhere…" he moved towards his desk, in whose drawer he had some condoms, but
Tony grabbed his wrist. He pulled them out along with some lube and threw it on
the bed.
"It's fine. We'll do this my way, if you don't mind?"
Maxxie narrowed his eyes. "And what way would that be?"
"Get on the bed… don't give me that look, just get on the bed, wanker."
"Nice pillow-talk you have going there, Tone," Maxxie snorted, but finally took
off his boxers as well and got on the bed, sitting down propped up against his
pillow. It felt fluffy against his back, his head bumped hard against the wall
behind him. The light in the room was dim, but still enough for him to be able
to see Tony come fully undressed. He certainly wasn't the most handsome guy
Maxxie had ever seen, but nobody had beat him in the way he was intriguing,
that was for sure.
"Don't need pillow-talk when I have you already in bed, do I?" Tony just
smirked and climbed on the bed as well. For another second, their bodies were
apart, then Tony laid down on him, covering him, skin meeting skin, and Maxxie
felt him settle down, felt his heat radiate and enter his own body. It was
electrifying, the way Tony's eyes locked with his own as their lips met for a
short kiss.
Maxxie's hands started to wander on their own, down Tony's back, caressing him,
gentle ministrations, his fingers nice and warm all over Tony, on his arms, his
shoulders, his hips, clinging to his waist. It felt like always, like he was
drowning in a lake of Tony, in the scent that was Tony, in Tony's mouth while
they were making out.
Tony's hips rocked forwards, just a little, meeting Maxxie in an upward thrust,
and then again, until they had a rhythm, their cocks hard and leaking as they
rutted. Tony was giving sharp little gasps that felt like shocks of air against
Maxxie's lips and Maxxie groaned every time Tony's fingers touched his thighs,
the base of his cock, the head, just minor stroking that didn't manage to get
him off.
"C'mon, now," Tony then suddenly spoke up, into his neck, heavy breath damp on
his shoulderbone. "What are you waiting for, open me up. Or do you wanna watch
me do it? Is that it?" He was grinning now, Maxxie could feel it against his
skin, the way his pretty, red mouth curled up at the corners. The way his eyes
were sparkling with amusement at Maxxie's hesitance. "Do you wanna watch me get
up on my knees –" he was doing it while he talked, slowly rising, with his legs
spread on both sides of Maxxie's knees, "- kiss you –" he put his lips to
Maxxie's in a parody of a chaste kiss, "- and work myself open with my own
fingers…" His right, curled around Maxxie's cock, gave it one more tug, then
Tony tilted his head to the side with a smug little smile and placed it out of
Maxxie's sight, behind himself, probably to push a finger or two inside
himself, like he'd said.
Maxxie gasped with need when Tony closed his eyes for a moment and rocked his
hips down against Maxxie's. Maxxie was up the next second, leaning forwards; he
grabbed Tony's waist to pull him closer and got the lube, squeezing some onto
his fingers, before they found Tony's hole, slipping between Tony's fingers
into his body, first one, then two, easily. They'd been doing it for a while,
after all. It wasn't surprising Tony's body gave so quickly.
Tony groaned, pushing down onto them, then he made a satisfied sound and slick
fingers grabbed Maxxie's hip, making him jump at the coolness. "C'mon, Maxxie,"
he urged on, "gimme some more, okay?"
"Mmmh," Maxxie replied, unable to form words. Another finger joined the two in
Tony's body, stretching him wider. "You ready?"
"Think so," Tony replied. "Think it's good enough, in any case…"
"How do you want to –"
"This is just fine." Tony's eyes were sharp.
"But –"
"Are you the one getting a dick up his arse, or am I?" Tony snapped. "Shut up
and gimme the condom." With quick, experienced hands, he put it on Maxxie's
cock, and Maxxie gave a small sigh of relied that Tony hadn't made him do it;
he could, if he had to, but he wasn't so sure with it yet, and slipping up now…
"Great," Tony finally said. Then, suddenly, a wicked grin spread over his face.
"Never thought I'd say this, but good thing you're pretty average-sized –"
"What?" Maxxie glared. "Tony, you complete tosser –"
Tony snickered, then moved up, knees almost touching the headboard. "Move down
a bit, so that I can get it in me comfortably… yeah. Like that."
"God, this is weird," Maxxie admitted.
"What? We haven't even started!"
"No, I meant, the position, and stuff…" Maxxie sighed. "First time, 's better
on your stomach, with a pillow under your belly, or at least –"
"Experienced with that, are you?" Tony mocked.
Maxxie didn't answer that. The question didn't have a right answer, and he knew
by now which ones were rhetorical anyway. "Ready?" he said instead.
"Yeah. Come on, now."
It felt… different than he'd have imagined. He hadn't ever been inside another
boy before, and the tight heat made it hard not to come immediately, especially
when Tony clenched around him painfully enough to stop the blood-flow.
"Relax," he whispered, caressing Tony's hips, hand wandering up and down his
spine, down his collarbone.
Tony moaned a little, pushed down and took him in more, gasped, and then Maxxie
felt him settle, felt his cock sink into him fully, and it was done, and there
was sweat covering their bodies, out of breath, panting like they'd just
sprinted a mile wide.
"Are you okay?" he asked, grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him
down, their faces inches apart, Tony's eyes wide, his pupils huge and black.
"It feels…" Tony hesitated, squeezed his eyes shut, moved a little. "Strange.
Maybe."
Maxxie felt a little smile and a drop of sweat fall off Tony's lip onto his
cheekbone. He reached up and pushed a strand of hair from Tony's forehead,
placed a light kiss there, then on Tony's nose, the corner of his lip. His hand
was still running up and down Tony's spine, unable to stop, like he needed the
reassurance as much as Tony did.
"Move?" he finally managed; it felt like they'd spent hours sitting there,
feeling the heat build around them; he was surprised his dick was still playing
and hadn't exploded on him yet from the tight, slick grip Tony's body had on
it.
Tony kissed him again, deeper this time, and then he started to rise, slowly,
like it took a huge effort for him to work his muscles to lift him off Maxxie's
cock and back down again. Maxxie fell back with a thump, pleasure flooding his
veins like a river of molten iron, heated and full of painful spikes.
"Maxxie, fuck, work with me here?" Tony grunted, effort darkening his voice.
Maxxie looked at him, then, looked at his sweat-covered body, the way dark hair
fell over his eyes, mouth half-open in pleasure, and he moved his hips, rocked
up in time to meet Tony's downward thrust, and he had to have done something
right, because Tony almost yelped and his whole body stiffened.
"That good, huh?" Maxxie tried to joke, wanting to come so desperately that he
wasn't sure how he was managing to hold on. Probably, he thought then, the need
to make Tony come first, before he finished himself, the urge, the desire to
win this round, because he sure as hell wouldn't be able to stand long of this
the next time. He felt Tony rise up again and down, buried himself in Tony once
more, felt Tony start up a quick, aching rhythm that was far too swift, too
brutal for their earlier setting of the pace.
He didn't protest though. This wasn't as much his as it was Tony's, and if Tony
wanted quick and hard to end this, he was going to have it; Maxxie bit his
lower lip, worked with him, fucked him harder and let Tony fuck himself,
watched as Tony closed his eyes as his fingers closed around his own cock. Then
Maxxie slid his fingers down Tony's tailbone to where he was penetrating Tony.
It was a trick he'd read somewhere, a simple touch of fingers at the same time
he nailed Tony's prostate within a thrust, and suddenly, without any warning,
Tony was coming, head thrown back in utter surprise as he gasped.
Maxxie followed swift, the contractions of Tony's muscles around his cock too
much to take, too tight, too sweetly wet, too uneven and chaotic and
completely, utterly unprepared, almost like the orgasm had hit Tony before.
Tony rode it out, Maxxie was astonished he even had the energy for that, and
then fell forward, onto Maxxie, glueing their bodies together with sweat; their
bellies were covered with Tony's come from when he'd hit his peak, but Maxxie
didn't really believe either of them cared much about small things like that,
in that moment.
Maxxie sighed into Tony's hair, placed his fingers on the small of his back and
pulled him closer, not even thinking about getting up yet, not to mention
moving.
"You okay?" he still had to ask, though, because the possibility was there that
Tony was hurt. It always was. They had to be careful, right? That was what was
hammered into any gay boy's brain at every opportunity, be careful, be careful,
be careful, except this was Tony, and if someone was meticulous about stuff
like this, it was Tony; if there was something wrong, Tony would say
immediately, and not cuddle like an oversized teddy bear.
"'m fine," Tony mumbled into his shoulder. "Exhausted…" There was a bout of
silence, then a yawn, and Tony added, "damn, gay sex is so much more knackerin'
than normal sex…"
Maxxie couldn't help the giggle. It was undignified, but he couldn't help it.
"Funny, is it?" Tony asked, but Maxxie felt his tender smile, and somehow, that
made him feel good. It made him feel good, and there was a warm feeling in his
belly, still sticky, but he didn't quite mind. He felt relaxed. And sleepy.
Clean-up would have to wait a few more hours, he decided. Tony using him as a
pillow like this didn't happen too often.
Maybe, he finally realized, last deep thought before he fell asleep, maybe that
was what it felt like, to be happy. If so, it wasn't bad.
No. Not bad at all.
 
~*~
***** Chapter 9 *****
There was a knock on his door; it was incessant, annoying. "'s Saturday,"
Maxxie mumbled.
"Get up, honey, it's seven o'clock, we're leaving in an hour!"
"Oh GOD," Maxxie's eyes flew open and he sat up in a rush. "It's what?"
"I'll go make some breakfast, okay? Try to climb out of bed sometime in the
next five minutes."
"Okay!" he called back weakly. His gaze was glued to the boy plastered to his
side, warm thighs between his own, rubbing unnervingly against his skin, close
to his cock. "Tony? Are you awake?"
Tony blinked a few times against the pillow, then he gave a little groan and
stemmed himself up onto his elbows. "What time is it?" he asked.
"We must have fallen asleep," Maxxie sighed. "It's seven. We're supposed to
leave in an hour for London!"
"Right… right. Your competition. Damn."
"Uhm… are you okay?"
"What do you mean?" Tony rubbed his face and ran his fingers through his hair.
"God, I need a shower."
Maxxie felt himself flush. "I mean, you know. We did have sex, and it's not
uncommon, to be a bit sore, after…"
"I'm fine." Tony smirked. "Or I will be, if you join me in the shower."
Maxxie screwed his eyes shut for a second, then sighed. "Fine. Let's save some
time and water. But there'll be no funny business going on, okay?"
Tony's smirk grew. "Nothing funny at all."
 
~*~
 
Fifteen minutes later, they stumbled down the stairs, Maxxie still a bit
flushed about the way Tony'd cleaned him up in all the right places; Tony
himself was completely stoic and poised as he walked into the kitchen.
"Good morning, Mrs. Hall," he greeted her, charming smile on full flame.
"Oh. Oh, I didn't – Maxxie?"
"Yeah, mum." Maxxie felt himself flush. "This is Tony. I told you, he's one of
my friends."
"Of course, Tony Stonem, right?" She shook Tony's hand. "It's nice to meet you.
Is it… I take it you slept over so that you can go to London with us?" she
finally said, with a sharp look in Maxxie's direction.
"Exactly," Maxxie nodded. "And we should probably eat something before we go.
Is Luce up yet?"
"Showering," his mum said. She gave him another sharp look that made him wince,
then smiled at Tony and said, "Sit down, then, boys. There's waffles. How do
you want yours, Tony?"
"Whatever you prefer's fine," Tony said, choosing the seat next to Maxxie. "How
long did you say the drive is, Maxxie?" He leaned over to steal a bit of waffle
from Maxxie's plate and grinned at him, placing his hand very strategically up
his thigh so that his mother wouldn't see when she turned around from the
waffle machine.
Maxxie glared and jumped when Tony ran it up even higher. "About two hours…
right, mum?"
 
~*~
 
It was, Maxxie realized later, a lot of trouble, bringing all his friends to
his competition; two cars, his trainer and his mother drove, and Chris had
decided to squeeze in between Luce and Tony in the back seat, so that Maxxie
didn't get a lot of rest during those two hours.
He'd taken part in this competition before, but he'd never had quite as much of
a chance as this time; he'd been either younger than most others, or in a group
with so many other talented dancers that it wasn't possible for someone who'd
only been training a few years, to win.
But this year, he had opportunity. Real opportunity. He was under the oldest in
his group, there were only three other boys his age, and they were all about on
the same level. Finn, who was the other competitor from Bristol, driving in his
trainer's car, didn't have a chance of getting into the higher ranks, he was
two years younger than Maxxie, but Maxxie himself was sure this was it for him.
He had to win this. He'd practiced so much, so hard for this, he wanted this
so, so much, and he knew he had a real chance against those other boys.
It didn't make him any less nervous to know that this time was the real deal.
 
~*~
 
The five minutes before he had to go out there before the jury where the worst.
He was dressed, shoes on, his trainer had given him the last uplifting words,
twelve other boys had gone up there before him, seven were yet to come, from
all over England. He'd seen a few scouts in the audience, and of course, the
guy who'd come from the American school to give the prize to the winner of
today's competition, that scholarship to the college, the ADTF's Training
Program… and of course, his friends.
Luce'd given him a hug before he'd gone to change. It had all been very…
ceremonial.
Maxxie's name was up and off he went. He felt weak in the knees. He knew his
program, but of course, in that second, he couldn't remember a single step.
 
~*~
 
When, a few minutes later, Maxxie went off the stage, he felt like he'd
swallowed a mountain of salt. Sweat was dripping from his forehead, but his
insides were numb and heavy.
The audience clapped, wildly, of course; his friends were there. They were
whistling and hooting and stamping on the ground, completely embarrassing
themselves, and he should be happy they were so loyal to him, so completely
behind him that it was almost ridiculous.
He didn't want to face them, though.
"It's not like you've stumbled," Wayne whispered into his shoulder; he'd slung
an arm around Maxxie's waist to accompany him back to the changing rooms. His
name would be up second to last. He still had time. He still had opportunity.
"There was no… no fire," Maxxie mumbled. "I didn't make any mistakes, but I
felt like I was just going through the motions. Why didn't I show some of the
gay, huh? I mean, I got it. I even had sex yesterday! It should be showing,
right? The glow?" He felt helpless.
Wayne wasn't exactly what one would call his best friend, but they'd always
managed to stay civil where Wayne and Marshall were spitefully backstabbing
against each other and Maxxie and Steve openly hateful. Steve'd been up before
Maxxie. Maxxie hadn't seen him, but at least, he thought with a little glee,
he'd gotten more applause.
"He tripped," Wayne said and his fingers tightened on Maxxie's waist. "Steve, I
mean. He's out. 's just the three of us up for it now."
"Yeah, except count me out, mate," Maxxie said, shoulders slumping. "With that
performance?"
Wayne shrugged. "Mashall might fall on his ass. I haven't done better than you
for months, you know that. You can still win!"
Maxxie looked into Wayne's eyes and smiled. "You're a good guy, Wayne.
Seriously." They entered the changing rooms and Maxxie sat down on a bench.
Wayne sat by him, close enough that they were touching. They'd kissed once,
Maxxie remembered, two years ago, during the same competition; Wayne was very
pretty. They'd always been a little attracted.
"Of course, I'm going to make sure to give my best," Wayne smirked. "I'm not
giving it up for free, you know?"
"I know, I know," Maxxie grinned back. "Still… thanks. You know."
"Yeah. No prob. You were good. You shouldn't put yourself down."
"I was average," Maxxie sighed. "And I'll have to live with it."
"Yeah."
They sat in silence for a while, before Wayne looked at his watch and then at
Maxxie.
"Go on, then. I'll go have a shower and dress, then go face the friends.
They're all here."
"I noticed there was more noise than usually in the audience," Wayne said. He
stood up, went a step, then came back and kissed Maxxie on the nose lightly,
before he gave him an impish smirk and went off. "Let's see if I can get the
better of you, today."
"Good luck," Maxxie said, and meant it.
 
~*~
 
He sat down in the back, seven minutes later. He'd hurried getting ready, had
told his trainer to go away when he'd admonished Maxxie for wanting to watch
the last few performances. It wasn't usually done, bad for the mentality,
Maxxie knew that. But then, Wayne would be awesome tonight. Maxxie just knew
Wayne would be.
Anwar was glancing back at him now and then from his place between Luce and
Jal, and next to him, Tony and Chris were grinning like loons, staring at the
dancer who was a bit too generous with his arm-flailing to be considered good.
His mum had flashed him a thumbs-up when he'd sat down, she'd apparently been
watching the doors to notice him; he was afraid he'd be one big disappointment
when the results finally came up on the screens.
He watched as the next competitor came up, and then another one, and he was
sure he'd beaten them both, and then, Marshall. He watched, like in trance, as
the boy performed, miraculously, near to perfect. He'd never had an opinion on
him, except for the fact that he didn't like the way Marshall tap-danced; then
again, the jury had to like it, not Maxxie.
Maxxie bit his lower lip and took a deep breath.
 
~*~
 
The last competitor wasn't part of the bunch of boys waiting to be judged, just
an entertainer, a good ten years older than the rest, and he was gorgeous,
obviously a professional at what he did. Maxxie sat there, mystified by the
stunning performance, just like the rest of the crowd, completely silent like
they hadn't even been during the competitive performances.
It was a pity, Maxxie thought, that he wasn't able to bewitch his audience like
that. He would have loved to learn, but that dream was over. He'd be lucky if
he made second place, today. There was a feeling of disappointment in his belly
that was hard to overcome, a sense of sadness that this had really been it, for
his career.
It was over after that; he got up, he knew he had five minutes to get back to
the little room behind the stage to the other dancers. They'd all go on the
stage together and the first three would be congratulated and given their
prizes.
He hurried, and then he was there, with the twenty others who'd competed, all
twittering and nervous about the outcome. He saw Wayne's blond head amongst the
crowd, laughing; Maxxie felt something in his chest, like jealousy. This had
been both their dream. It couldn't come true for both of them, he knew that. It
was still a little unfair.
Then the speaker-voice called them all up and they went on stage.
 
~*~
 
"Third. Well, that's great," Jal hugged him and whispered into his ear, "I
didn't do that well with my clarinet."
"Thanks," Maxxie said, though it hurt his teeth to clench them so hard.
He watched masses of people pass them by; his friends had squeezed out of the
rows first to get to him as soon as the award ceremony was over. He steeled
himself for his other friends' reactions to his performance, for their happy
wishes and their embraces. He wouldn't show how disappointed he was. Third…
that was way below what he'd hoped for. But he knew it wouldn't do to show that
to them, when they were so happy for him.
His trainer was second, grinned a little bit, said, "Well done," and patted
Maxxie's shoulder. Luce hurled himself into Maxxie's arms instead, clutching
him. "That was great, bro," he said, and Maxxie rolled his eyes.
"Thanks guys," he said, and let himself be overwhelmed by Jal's encouraging
words and Chris' kiss of congratulations. His mum, in the back, watched it all
with a smile.
He didn't even realize almost fifteen minutes had gone by while they'd been
standing around, talking about the other competitors and the judging system and
his own performance, which they'd all thought mesmerizing and absolutely
wonderful, of course. He only checked his watch when Luce tugged his sleeve and
asked if he'd seen where their mum had gone.
"Probably to the refreshments already. There should be a buffet or something in
the entrance hall by now. It's already dinner time, people are probably
hungry."
"Refreshments?" Anwar grinned; he'd seemed down earlier, probably for all the
gay vibes, Maxxie jibed in his head, then bit his tongue not to say it out
loud. He'd promised to behave, after all.
"Yeah," he nodded instead. "Look, maybe you guys should go empty some of those
plates already, I need to go congratulate the winner; he's a good friend."
"Okay," Jal grinned, patted his cheek. "God, you're such a nice person,
Maxxie."
Maxxie shrugged. "I try. And Wayne's okay. He deserved it, he was the best."
"You were the best!" Luce said indignantly.
Maxxie laughed and nodded. "Well, if you say so, I surely can't argue with a
professional."
He watched them go off and then made his way out behind them, into the hallway
and down towards the room where he saw a lot of the other competitors wait
around, discussing points, pointing out each other's mistakes, or just talking
friendly. A lot of them were friends, from bigger towns, training together
every day. He saw Finn and went up to him.
"Hey, buddy. Eighth place, that's really good! Congratulations!"
Finn flushed at the praise. "Thanks. You were really good too!"
"Not good enough," Maxxie sighed. "Look, have you seen Wayne?"
"Oh, yeah, he went upstairs to the locker rooms a few minutes ago, to get
cleaned up."
Maxxie nodded, thanked him and smiled. Sounded like Wayne, to wait till after
the award ceremony to get washed up. He'd probably not wanted to miss the last
tap dance. Maxxie wouldn't have wanted to miss that one. He climbed the stairs
quickly, made a beeline for the locker room and threw the door open, stepping
in.
"Hey, Wayne, are you –" and his voice died in his throat.
"Oh, fuck!" Wayne's voice echoed through the locker room, and he groaned when
he jerked away, forwards, probably to… something.
Tony's head had come up from its place where it'd been placing kisses on
Wayne's neck, his hands still lightly on the other boy's hips, not allowing him
to escape, buried inside his body like this was an everyday occurrence.
"What the –" Maxxie stared, mouth open, at the two of them. Fucking. He didn't
know what to say.
Tony tilted his head, gauging his reaction, and smirked. "Winner's privilege,
I'd say?"
Maxxie took a few steps back and threw the door shut on them. Then he threw up
into the trash bin by the stairs.
 
~*~
***** Chapter 10 *****
Maxxie needed a while to get the taste of vomit out of his mouth, if only
because he had to retch again after that first bout was over; it was just bile,
of course, since he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, which was in the
trash now, and it hurt like a bitch, too. He thought he might be getting ill,
maybe he'd caught the flu.
He didn't return to the locker – didn't want to interrupt Tony's little fuck-
fest, after all, and he didn't even know why he'd been so surprised to see them
together. Wayne was, after all, as prone to succumb to Tony's charms as anybody
else, and Tony had been itching to shove this in Maxxie's face for ages
already, so of course, this would be the perfect opportunity.
What hurt was the fact that Tony had obviously realized fucking alone wouldn't
do the trick and had to twist the knife by insulting his placing in the
competition. That grated more than a bit. It was typical, of course, Maxxie
should have seen it coming; this was Tony, who'd do anything to manipulate and
make sure he got out ahead in their arrangement. Still. Maxxie swallowed as he
walked down the stairs back into the main hall where the rest of the audience
and dancers were dining already at the buffet, standing around with their
plates in hand. Still.
Luce spotted him the moment Maxxie entered and started jumping up and down,
waving one hand, while holding his plate with the other. Maxxie grimaced and
waved back at him to calm down.
"Are you hungry?" his mum asked when he arrived by the group. Jal was holding a
burger in her hand, about to bite into it. Chris was beside her, plate loaded
with five, all in different sizes and colours. Maxxie hadn't even known there
would be burgers.
"No," he shrugged. "I'm feeling a bit strange, don't worry. I'm just not
hungry."
"These are great, though," Anwar nodded, mouth full. He was chewing open-
mouthed.
"Glad you came, are you?" Maxxie shot at him and regretted it instantly.
Anwar just shrugged. "As long as the food's good," he added when he'd
swallowed.
Maxxie sighed. "Maybe we should get going?" he then turned to his mum. "It's
getting late already, and I'm really not in the mood to spend the night in some
sleazy motel?"
"It's just past seven," Chris protested. "And Anwar's right, the food's great.
Why don't you eat something?"
"Yes, Maxxie," came a voice from behind him, "why don't you eat something?"
Maxxie turned around. He just knew he wouldn't be able to keep the cool mask on
his face that he'd been wearing until this moment. He still had to look at
Tony's satisfied, fucked-out, lazy smile anyway, because he was just sadistic
like that. "I'm feeling a bit queasy," he ground out, and just about managed to
turn his sizzling scowl into a sweet smile before adding, "don't worry, though.
That's got nothing to do with you."
Jal beside him snorted. "Don't be too sure of that," she muttered, just loud
enough for Maxxie to overhear.
"Where's Wayne?" Maxxie asked, his voice cracking on the last syllable, and
didn't that just suck.
Tony shrugged. "Why?" he then grinned. "You want to congratulate him too?"
"I don't know, Tone," Maxxie sneered back. "I think he might be just a little
overwhelmed by your almost crushing enthusiasm about his win yet."
"That, he is," Tony's grin widened.
"If you two are quite finished," Luce cut in, looking from one to the other.
Maxxie thought he looked way too knowing for his age. But none of the others
seemed to think there was anything wrong with their conversation, so he doubted
Luce had caught on.
"We are," Maxxie concurred.
"I thought you'd gone to congratulate Wayne before?" Luce narrowed his eyes.
Maxxie glanced at him. "He wasn't finished with his shower. I'll look for him
later."
"Are you sure we're staying that long?"
"No, but if we're not, no matter, he shouldn't have lingered that long, his
loss, not mine."
"You seem upset," Luce said after a moment's consideration.
"I'm not," Maxxie said, ignoring Tony's smirk.
"But Maxxie, you're not –"
"I'm fine," Maxxie snapped, and that was that. Luce scowled at him, turned on
his heel and stalked off to get another helping at the buffet table.
 
~*~
 
He wasn't fine, after all, but he wasn't going to show it either, so he went
out to sit at the parking place on the little sidewalk by the car. The others
would round up in a little while, he was sure, and he enjoyed the last rays of
the sun as it set in the west. It wasn't too cold, and his jacket did the rest
to keep him warm.
He'd just contemplated taking out a joint he should have somewhere in his inner
jacket pockets, hidden for those disastrous occasions where one just felt so
shitty there was nothing else but to hit the drugs, when he heard footsteps
nearby. He let the joint fall back into the pocket and sat up straighter, but
didn't rise from his position.
"Hey, mate, are you sure you're all right?"
Anwar looked down at him, worried. Maxxie shrugged. "I'm fine," he repeated
what he'd told Luce earlier.
"Don't look it, man. You don't look it." Anwar scratched the back of his head.
"You look like shit actually."
Maxxie hit the pavement with the heel of his boot. "Gee, thanks for noticing."
"What's wrong, Maxxie. You placed third, and you've been in a damn foul mood
ever since you came down from that stage… if you didn't want us to come, you
should have just said."
"I wanted you guys to come," Maxxie protested. "I wanted you to come…"
"So what's the deal?"
"I fucked up, okay?" Maxxie leaned back, glaring at the sky. "I fucked up, so
fucking much, man. You wouldn't believe just how fucked up my life's become. I
just wanted to win that stupid scholarship to get outta here."
Anwar winced. "Because of…?"
Maxxie glanced back at him. "Fuck, Anwar, goddamnit, not everything's about
you, you know?" And that came out harsher than intended, but at this point,
Maxxie didn't even care.
"Guess I deserved that, huh?" Anwar just shrugged.
"Sorry."
"Yeah. I get it, man. I get it. Not everything's about me, or our fight, or
whatever. Still, like, this was nice, today, right?"
Maxxie snorted. "Yeah. Sure."
"So, maybe, do you think we could, like…"
And there was a note in Anwar's voice, a hint at a hopeful reunion, maybe, and
fuck it, Maxxie was so tired of always, always fighting, always wanting things
he couldn't have, always pushing and pressing and begging people to take him
the way he was, to fucking accept him. Nobody else he knew fought so hard for
that. Why did he even care? He wondered sometimes, because really, it would be
so much easier to be like Tony and not care at all if everyone thought him an
arsehole.
Then again, Tony was a freakin' sociopath with a few more disorders along for
the ride, as far as Maxxie knew, and being that couldn't feel very good either.
At least, though, Tony didn't have a conscience. Or if he did, it was even more
tiny than his heart. Stupid, stupid.
"I think we could, like," Maxxie repeated Anwar's words, and added, "be
friends. Or something."
Anwar sat down next to Maxxie and took a deep breath. "I might have
overreacted," he finally admitted. "I know, it's stupid and… and stuff, but for
a moment, when I saw that picture and just… the fact that you're gay, man, I
mean, just –"
"I'm so gay, Anwar," Maxxie snorted. "I'm like, a loser, also, but mostly, gay.
It's my defining personality trait, that gayness. Can't see how you could have
ignored it for so long, mate."
"I know it's stupid," Anwar started once more, apparently not willing to let
this go. "I know it is, but look, before Russia, there was this preacher at the
mosque, and it got all… confused in my head, because gay's bad, it just is, for
Muslims. It is, Maxxie, don't, don't say anything, just, let me say this, okay?
Please?"
Maxxie, who'd opened his mouth to burst out in righteous indignation, closed it
again and sighed.
"And then, I found this picture you drew, of my… you know, and I thought maybe
you wanted… you know. With me? And I panicked, because dude, you're my best
friend, okay? You are, but I don't want to do… gay stuff with you."
There was a long pause, then Maxxie glanced at Anwar. "And?"
"And?"
"And what changed?"
"I… I told my dad I was going to watch this competition. For you. And." Anwar
paused, swallowed, afraid to look at Maxxie. "And I kind of let it slip why we
haven't been talking or meeting up for a while."
"Oh."
"Are you mad?"
"What? No! I mean, no, I'm proud of who I am…" Maxxie grimaced. "Most of the
time. I don't mind your dad knowing. Being gay's a part of me, like lusting
after girls is a part of you. I'm not ashamed of that!"
"Oh." Anwar looked surprised. "I was afraid you were going to gut me for
spilling."
Maxxie rolled his eyes. "So what did he say?"
Anwar flushed. "He told me not to be an idiot. I'm so sorry, Maxxie. I mean, I
get that it's religion and it's like, words and all that, but you have to
understand, I thought… I mean, that guy in the mosque and… just, I didn't think
it was. I thought there was something you can do, right, because… you know." He
shrugged.
Maxxie flushed and shook his head. "You're such a wanker, Anwar."
"Anyway, I guess dad's just that great, huh?"
"He is, yes." Maxxie closed his eyes, allowed himself to feel good, that wave
of pleasure about getting this, at least, Anwar's dad's acceptance, and he
remembered the man, warm, dark eyes and friendly smile whenever their gazes
met, last time Maxxie'd had dinner over at Anwar's house. There had been no
judgement in that gaze. When he opened his eyes again to look at Anwar, there
was none in his eyes either. "You think you're going to get there, some day?"
Anwar grinned. "You think you're gonna be like your dad some day?"
Maxxie snorted. "Hell, no. My dad's a complete fuck-up. I hope I'm not gonna be
like him, ever."
They sat a while in silence, then Maxxie looked at Anwar once more, sighed.
"Thanks."
"What? What for?" Anwar blinked.
"This. You were right, I was completely butchered, but I get to feel good about
this, now, at least. Thanks."
Anwar flushed. "I'm really sorry, again, about before. I know we can't be okay
right away, but just… we're still friends, though, aren't we?"
Maxxie smiled slightly. "Wanna be my friend and listen to me rave about my
recent boy-trouble?"
There was a gasp. "Hell no," Anwar protested. "I don't think we're that far
ahead yet, mate. Not by a long shot."
Maxxie laughed. "Knew it, you tosser."
"What can I say," Anwar replied, putting up his hands in defence. "Be gay all
you want, but I really, really don't need to hear about you taking it up the
arse from random guys, man. That's just too much information."
And that only set Maxxie off once more, because it reminded him of what he'd
promised to do, with Tony, a deal he'd made he couldn't call off. "You have no
idea, Anwar," he said, bitterly, and smiled. "You have no idea how much I'd
like for that to be reality." But it wasn't, and right now, he'd have to live
with his decisions. After all, he'd known from the beginning what he was
getting himself into.
 
~*~
 
The drive home was silent. Even Luce was sleepy, head fallen onto Chris'
shoulder and Chris didn't look too upset about that, just leaned back,
accepting he additional weight. Maxxie heard Luce complain when they dropped
first Tony and then Chris off and finally arrived at their own house.
"We're back," he said softly and prodded and poked until Luce gave up on
sleeping and struggled out of the car and through the door after their mum.
"I'm tired," he mumbled into Maxxie when Maxxie helped him take off his shoes.
"I know, cub, it's only up the stairs." It wasn't even ten yet, but it had been
a long day, and driving always made Luce cranky and exhausted. They said
goodnight to their mum and he helped Luce to his room, putting him to bed. He
would be glad to get into his own, but first this. He pulled up the covers to
Luce's chin and touched his cheek. "You all right?"
"Yep, I'm fine," Luce smiled. "And I'm sorry you didn't win," he then added, as
if in afterthought. His eyes stayed closed. "I know how much you wanted."
"Yeah…"
"I'm a bit glad, though, too," finally, the whisper. "I didn't really want you
to go to New York. It's so far away."
"Luce…" Maxxie stared at his little brother, helpless.
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay. We'll talk about this tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay."
Maxxie was almost out the door when he heard Luce say, "Maxxie?"
"Yeah?"
"Tony's an arse," Luce mumbled. "Can you break up with him?"
Maxxie snorted. "Anything for you, little brother. Anything for you."
He left the room, amused at the thought. And why not, after all. It would go
over well, he was certain, 'I'm sorry, Tone, Luce needs me to end this with
you, he hates you too much to tolerate you'. It would be so much fun, even
without Luce around to nod along vigorously.
 
~*~
 
"Meet me by the school park at noon," read the text message Michelle sent
Maxxie sometime the next morning while he was still asleep. Maxxie opened it a
few minutes before noon, which was when he finally managed to climb out of his
bed. He swore filthily.
"Make that half past," he wrote back quickly. Then he grabbed fresh clothes and
went to shower. Luce was sitting in front of the TV when he finally came down.
"Morning," he greeted his little brother.
"Morning. Mom left you some pancakes on your plate."
"Where's she?" Maxxie asked.
"Bianca's place, I think. She said to tell you she'd be back in the evening."
"Oh, okay. Not a problem. Hey, I'll be going out in a minute. Are you going to
be okay on your own?"
Luce's head turned towards him from the couch. "You going to see to Tony?" He
wriggled his eyebrows.
Maxxie glared. "Not that it's any of your business, but no. I have other
friends who I spend time with, believe it or not."
"Same way you spend time with Tony?" Luce's smirk was huge.
"Luce…" Maxxie said warningly.
"Okay, okay, I'm quitting. Just don't get in any trouble, kay?"
"Shouldn't I be the one asking that of you, smart-arse?" Maxxie said and pushed
a pancake into his mouth.
 
~*~
 
Michelle looked furious. "You have got to be kidding me. Maxxie? You promised!"
Maxxie bit his lip, tried to look convincing when he asked, "What are you
talking about?"
"You're fucking Tony? Seriously? Maxxie! Tony? He's… he was… damnit!" Her eyes
were sparkling with anger, and maybe one or two unshed tears.
"I'm not – it's not the way you think," he tried to explain.
"What is there to misunderstand, huh? He was being – oh fuck, I thought he
would…" she gave a little sob, then turned around and started walking away.
"Michelle, I'm sorry, okay?" Maxxie caught up with her quickly enough, touched
her shoulder. "I know he was working to, I don't know, win you back or
something, but I didn't know how to tell you!"
"Well, you did fine without telling me in person," she spat. "You're such a
coward."
Maxxie flinched. "Yeah, okay, maybe. But you wouldn't have believed me if I'd
told you he was just fucking around again. Would you?"
Michelle stopped and took a deep breath. Slowly, her agitation seemed to recede
and her chest didn't rise and fall as quickly as it had before, when she'd been
completely enraged. Her cheeks were still reddish, but at least, she was no
longer glaring. "No," she admitted. "I didn't believe Jal either, until she
told me you were fucking him again."
Maxxie bit his lip. "I'm so sorry."
Michelle looked heartbroken for a second. Then her expression cleared into
something cooler, and her eyes darkened as she gave him a brave little smile.
"Hey, are you hungry?"
"What? Uhm, not much, no, I just –"
"A little?"
"Well, maybe a little…"
"Great, come on then." She grabbed his arm and pulled him along.
 
~*~
 
Instead of strangling him with her bare hands as he had expected, Michelle
dragged Maxxie into a little café that Maxxie'd never visited before. It seemed
to be one of her favourites, though, because the waiter greeted her warmly and
by first name. It was a nice place, comfortable, with big, cushioned seats and
dark, wooden tables.
"Huge piece of chocolate cake for me, please, and a cappuccino," Michelle
ordered. "Maxxie?"
"Uhm, just tea, thanks."
"Oh, no, he gets one of the chocolate cake as well," Michelle said quickly.
When he tried to protest, she shook her head. "Believe me, you have to try it,
it's delicious."
"Michelle…" The waiter vanished, but Maxxie still felt uncomfortable. "What's
going on?"
"Hm?"
"I mean, what is this? Like, my last supper or something?"
"Oh, no. This is comfort food. You seem to need it almost as much as I. Do you
realize that you look like complete shit?"
Maxxie blinked. "No?" He raised his hand to flatten his hair.
"Well, you do."
"Ah."
"Is it because of the competition?"
Maxxie stared. "How do you know what happened at the competition?"
"Uhm, Jal told me? What, did you think I was completely out of the loop?
Because I'm not. I get told things. I know things." She paused. "Except when
they're about me and my ex-tosser of a boyfriend, apparently."
"Oh." Maxxie gave her a small smile. "It's not like I didn't know it was going
to happen. It's no big deal, really."
"You knew you were gonna be third place?" Michelle frowned. "Was the
competition rigged?"
"What? No!" Maxxie snorted. "I thought you were talking about Tony still… no,
you're right, I was- am a bit down about the placing, but I guess…"
Michelle however had already caught on and was watching him with hawk-eyes.
"What did Tony do?" she asked sharply.
Maxxie opened his mouth. After a second's silence, he closed it again.
"Nothing," he finally said. "Nothing at all."
"Really." She didn't look like she believed him. Their plates arrived along
with their drinks, and the incredulous look still hadn't left her face. "So he
didn't fuck around over there?" His face must have spoken for itself, because
her shoulders sagged. "I thought maybe you were special, at least."
Maxxie gave a little laugh, shook his head. "Right. Special. Right." He sounded
hollow. He'd thought that too, a while ago. Tony'd set him straight about that,
that was for sure.
Michelle shrugged. "Boy or girl?"
"Does it matter?"
"No," she sighed. "I guess not."
"Mhh."
They ate their cakes in silence. Maxxie had to admit, it was some of the best
cake he'd ever had, Michelle had that much right. But then, she'd always been
the kind of person who required a certain amount of quality to everything she
did or had.
"You know, I'm going to go somewhere far away, for college," she suddenly said
into the silence. "Maybe to Scotland. I hear they have some great colleges
there."
Maxxie looked up. "Yeah?"
"I rocked that last French exam. And I guess I would love to learn some German.
Maybe I can become a translator. But mostly, I just want to get away from
Bristol. It's so…"
"Yeah." Maxxie smiled. "Yeah, I know what you mean."
Michelle smiled back. It wasn't quite the cheerful one he was used to from her,
not the same laughter in her eyes that was there when she was happy, but it
wasn't so sharply cool anymore, no longer without her trademark fire. "I'm not
mad at you, you know?"
Maxxie nodded, swallowing his piece of cake.
"I just wish you had more common sense than to keep this thing with Tony up,
whatever it is that you two share. Have. Are. Whatever." She seemed embarrassed
that she had no clue what to call it. But hell, Maxxie didn't know what to call
it.
He felt another bout of laughter bubble up in his throat.
"If I had a choice -" he managed to get out, then fell silent. Michelle didn't
ask, and he didn't volunteer any more information. And how could he? He knew
that he actually did have a choice. He had every choice in the world. But he
also knew that he wouldn't back out. Couldn't. Because he enjoyed it far too
much, the rush of adrenaline that came with the power, the fucking incredibly
sweet, the way it felt when – if – Tony came back to him in the end.
Maxxie stabbed another piece of his cake and gave a sigh. No way he was backing
out of this, and they both knew it.
 
~*~
 
To Maxxie, it looked a little like a bad deja-vu to the scene he'd witnessed
once already; Michelle coming up to Tony in that determined way she had going,
fire in every movement.
"Oooh," someone said beside him as he closed his locker. He glanced over and
saw Cassie stand by his side, clutching her backpack.
Michelle's mouth was curled into a little smile as she approached Tony,
standing by his own locker further down the hall, next to Sid, talking quietly.
Tony looked up and saw her, smiled. Michelle's smile grew more pronounced.
"She found out, huh?" Cassie asked, eyes huge in her face. They were swimming
with mirth.
"We talked," Maxxie admitted. "What do you think she's going to –"
And that was the moment Michelle punched Tony in the face, fist flying. Tony
went down like a wet rag, bounced against the metal lockers face-first. Her
smile was murderous as she kicked him once in the stomach, and then once more
in the groin for good measure.
"You're never going to learn, are you, you lying little arsehole," she said,
disgust clear in her voice. Then she pulled her backpack strap over her
shoulder and proceeded to walk down the hall, head held high. The whole hallway
stared after her, one after the other falling into a hushed quiet that was only
accompanied by whisper.
"Oh," Maxxie blinked, surprised.
"Heeh!" Cassie said, gave another laugh that sounded even more like a giggle,
then turned and ran after Michelle, catching up with her halfway down the hall.
Her skirt went flying as she bounced up and down next to Michelle, saying
something. Michelle gave a bright laugh and took Cassie's pale, bony hand into
her own as they entered the classroom.
"Oh," Maxxie said, and rubbed his forehead. He was starting to develop a
headache. This was so bad. This was so, so bad.
 
~*~
 
Maxxie had actually been told by his trainer that he had training Monday
afternoon, but he didn't feel at all like training after the defeat that had
been Saturday. He texted his trainer that he wouldn't be able to make it 'for
personal reasons', and left it at that, turning his mobile phone off.
It wasn't that he didn't want to tap-dance anymore at all. It was just that
given the current situation, he thought he might be allowed to have a little
free time to get back on track with his head first before he tried his feet.
Aside from that, he was really frustrated with everything that even reminded
him of the fact that he wasn't going to get what he wanted. Which was petty,
but then, whoever could judge him? Everybody was playing to win, after all.
It all sucked more than just a little bit, if he was honest. Which was why he
was even more surprised to find Tony sitting on the couch with Luce when he
came home. For a second, he could only stare.
"Maxxie, hey," Tony grinned and Luce shrugged at him, expression slightly
confused. "He said you wouldn't mind," he explained.
"What the fuck, Tone?" Maxxie asked, irritated.
"What? What's wrong?" He had a black eye and a bruise was forming on his cheek.
"I was absolutely certain you wouldn't mind," he smirked.
"Oh, goddamnit." Maxxie threw his backpack in the corner and glanced at Luce.
"Did you have lunch?"
"At school," Luce said. "I'm fine. We can have dinner later." He turned back to
the TV. "You can go upstairs and do your grown-up thing, don't worry. I won't
get in the way."
"Fine," Maxxie hissed. "Tony, upstairs."
Tony gave Luce a grin that didn't escape Maxxie's attention, but Luce only
scowled. Apparently, he still hadn't warmed to Tony. Maxxie didn't know anymore
whether to be annoyed or glad about that. At this point, he admitted to
himself, maybe it would be best not to give a fuck at all.
 
~*~
 
"You can't simply come waltzing in here like I - I don't know, like I belong to
you or some shit like that. Fuck it, Tony. What do you think you're doing?"
Tony closed the door behind them gently and stepped close. His kiss was hard
and almost bruising. Maxxie pushed him away. "Stop it."
"What?" Tony grinned. "Don't tell me you're mad at me as well!"
"Stop grinning, you complete and utter idiot. I'm not. I just can't stand to
see your bitch-face at the moment." Maxxie pushed at his shoulder when Tony
tried to pat his cheek. "And give up this shit, okay? Because that's really
pissing me off!"
"It was just a fuck, Maxxie," Tony whispered into his ear, not listening, hands
finding their way under Maxxie's shirt. "He won, and he wanted me. How could I
say no?"
"Oh, fuck off."
"I'm just saying…" Tony's fingers softly caressed his sides, wandered over his
rib-bones underneath the shirt. "It's not like you didn't know. It's not like
you went into this ignorant."
"Like Michelle, you mean?" Maxxie mocked.
"Yes."
Maxxie was hard-pressed not to let out the little moan that was threatening to
escape. He bit down on the inside of his cheek hard. Tony's mouth hovered close
above his own.
"Don't start with her again." Tony drew away sharply, glared. "You told her,
didn't you?"
"No," Maxxie said, and it was the truth. Technically.
"Fine." Tony turned, walked towards the window in Maxxie's room and looked
outside. "So what's the problem?"
Maxxie shrugged. "I'm just mad, okay? That's all."
"Fine. You don't wanna fuck today, that's fine. But don't go all pissy bitch on
me because of stuff you knew way beforehand."
"I didn't –"
"Yes, you did. That entrance from before? You're such a drama queen, Maxxie…"
Tony turned back, gave him a small smile.
"'s that all you came here for?" Maxxie finally asked. "A fuck?"
Tony shrugged. "Isn't that all there ever is?"
"I don't know," Maxxie said. "Is it?"
Tony looked at him for a while, weighting him, then gave another shrug. "You
know, I called. Like, twenty times, before I came over. Your cell was off. I
didn't come here like you belong to me or anything." He sounded earnest.
Maxxie took a deep breath. Of course. Of course. Damn, he'd fucked this one up,
hadn't he? He screwed his eyes shut, pushed everything away except for the
single thought of what he wanted.
He knew what he wanted. Of course. Maxxie unclenched his hands, relaxed his
shoulders and closed the distance that separated them. He kissed Tony's lips
gently and took his hand. "Let's go downstairs. We have lots of things we could
do that don't involve sex. We can play a game."
"With Luce?"
Maxxie grinned. "Hey," he teased. "Play nice with Luce, mate. He's got all the
power, you know that, right?"
Tony grinned back. "Maybe I should start fucking him, then?"
Maxxie punched his shoulder. "Don't even try, arsehole. Don't even try."
 
~*~
***** Chapter 11 *****
The call came completely unexpected on Tuesday when Maxxie came home from
school. He'd been thinking about the day before, about the fact that Tony had
managed to completely charm him mother, who was usually very slow to trust
people in general. She hadn't warmed to him Saturday, when she'd realized
they'd spent the night together, but after a few games of Monopoly, Tony'd gone
home, grinning like a loon – of course not before snogging the daylights out of
Maxxie at the front door, like people expected of a good boyfriend - and left
her almost glowing with endorsement for his wit and charm and general
behaviour.
It was, Maxxie had to admit, slightly worrying indeed. Of course he knew
exactly how well Tony could put a show on for other people – alone the way Tony
seemed to treat his own parents, if the essay'd been any confirmation to what
he'd witnessed before – it was as if Tony was a lot more attractive to adults
than he was to kids. At least, that's what it had seemed like with Luce
constantly nagging at Tony and snarking about everything he did wrong.
"Yes?" he answered the phone, letting his backpack fall to the floor.
"Max Hall, is that right?" a stranger's voice sounded from the receiver.
"That's me," Maxxie said.
"This is Michael West," the guy continued. "I'm with the Northern School of
Contemporary Dance in Leeds." He let that sink in for a couple of seconds,
before he added, "So, sometimes, our school sends talent scouts to competitions
of various other dance variations, and as it happens, I was there Saturday."
Maxxie's eyebrows rose. "Okay."
"We're of course aware that the placing put you third," West said. "But the
board found the tape I showed them of you and the second placed tap dancer
quite interesting and they agreed to make you both offers."
"What… does that mean, exactly?" Maxxie asked, confused.
"Well, it's not an offer to bypass all entry requirements," West admitted. "You
have to bring in at least four successful GCSEs, and you still have to go
through the audition and interview process, as all the other candidates for
next year's admission as well; but if the interest is there, from your side,
the board will take into consideration your position in your current profession
and it will give you an edge over the other candidates."
Maxxie's head was swimming. "You're basically offering me he possibility to get
a degree in dancing…"
"Of course, our courses will require of each and every student the highest
level of determination and commitment, but it's possible, yes." West sounded
certain.
Maxxie wasn't so sure. His hand felt sweaty around the receiver. "I don't
know," he finally said. "I mean, of course, I'd be interested, but I didn't
even place first and I did my best!"
"The first placed competitor got into an American program, as far as I know,"
West said. "We would have made him an offer, but it's a certain place he has
there; that's not our concern." There was a small pause, then West's voice
dropped a little and he sounded a bit more human than before, less like he was
trying to convince Maxxie and more like he was just explaining how this had
even happened.
"Look, Max," he said. "It's like this: I'm a dancer myself. I've done the
course, I have my diploma and it was hard, I won't say it wasn't, but it was
definitely worth it, because dancing's the greatest experience I've ever known.
Now, I'm also part of the board, and I know the people there: if they thought
you didn't have a chance of getting in and making it through to the end, they
wouldn't have told me to make the call. But I am making it, so they obviously
think you have something."
"But – but do they even offer this for tap dancing?"
"That's the other thing," West admitted. "Tap dancing's okay, but you'd have to
expand, learn new styles, get more into the contemporary dance forms. If you
feel that it isn't for you, you can tell me right now. But if you think it
might, after all, be what you've been looking for, it is worth a considering
thought, don't you think?"
Maxxie bit his lip hard. "I can think about it?" he asked, finally.
"Of course. There will be a letter that was sent today, and you can reply
formally or you can call me, I'll give you my number." West paused. "Just think
about it, okay? I don't know, of course, what you were planning with your life,
whether you have another dream you want to pursue; but if you were hoping to
get that first place and – well. Like I said, we might be no Juilliard, but
this school is still pretty damn good."
Maxxie smiled. "Thanks for calling, Mr. West. I – I will talk it over with my
mother, but I'll definitely get back to you."
West gave Maxxie the number to call if he decided he needed more information or
once he decided what he was going to do, and Maxxie put the phone back down.
For a few seconds, he just stood there, staring at the receiver, unable to
believe that had just happened. Then he started grinning. He couldn't help it.
Damn. Maybe he was going to be able to do what he'd always wanted, after all.
Maybe in a slightly different manner than he'd thought, but damn. Damn.
 
~*~
 
"Mum?"
Carys had been in the kitchen, working over some papers spread out before her,
pencil behind her ear, when Maxxie entered, bounce in his steps. She looked up;
she must have realized from his face something amazing had happened, because
she smiled. "What's happened, honey?"
Maxxie's grin grew even wider. "Guess."
She blinked at him, at a loss. "I have no idea. Tell me?"
Maxxie licked his lips, then blurted, "Someone from Leeds just called."
"Okay… what's in Leeds?"
"Northern School of Contemporary Dance…" Maxxie said, breathlessly.
His mum stared at him for a moment, then got up from the seat and came flying
at him, enveloping him in a tight hug. "That's great for you, Maxxie. Oh my
God, that's awesome, isn't it? What did they say? Did they say anything
important? Leeds, oh, that's like three hours from here, isn't it –"
"Mum, mum, it's not – it's not like I'm accepted yet, but the guy who just
called – Michael West or something, he said if I was to audition, I'd have a
very good shot at getting in… provided I don't fuck up with my grades."
Carys beamed. "You're good at school, baby, I bet you don't need to worry about
that – just. Do you want to go? Really want to go?" She was still grasping his
shoulders, holding on to him. She was genuinely happy, and Maxxie didn't know
what he'd expected, but not this overwhelming pleasure.
"I… don't know," he admitted. "He said it was really hard to get through. I
don't know if I'm good enough, and it's not even tap dancing, it would be all
kinds of dancing courses, and… well. I mean, obviously, I'd love to spend the
next three years dancing to get a degree, but what if I can't make it? What if
I'm actually completely sucky at dancing contemporary and –"
"Maxxie." His mum smiled and patted his cheek. "Stop stalling. You made third
at nationals in your age group. That's great. That's awesome. Look, if they
called, they must have seen something in your performance that pleased them.
Right?"
Maxxie nodded.
"Right. So, now, it's up to you, and you only." She looked him straight in the
eyes. "I know it's far away and it would be even further away if I decided to
move to Cardiff with Luce, but honey, all I've ever wanted for you is to be
happy. Don't worry about the money, or whether you'll be a success or fail –
it's about you doing what you love, you know? It's… if you really want this, it
shouldn't be a hard decision."
She was right, of course. Maxxie took a deep breath. "You're right," he said.
"I was just so worried… it – I might fail, right? But yes. Yes, I want to do
it, so badly."
Carys embraced him once more, holding him close and squeezing the air out of
him. "God, I'm so damn proud of you; Maxxie."
It made a warmth spread through Maxxie's body that he hadn't felt in a while,
complete and utter happiness at the prospect of doing this. Imagining the
place, already thinking what it would be like, the people he'd meet who would
be more like him, share some of his passion, maybe… he felt like jumping up and
down.
He pulled free and grinned. "I have to go call… everyone," he whooped.
Carys grinned back. "Just don't sell the horse before you have it in your
stable, young man."
"You're right – again," Maxxie admitted, unable to stop the giddiness at the
pit of his stomach. "I can just tell them about the call, though, right?"
Carys snorted. "Of course. Go, already."
Maxxie bounded off.
 
~*~
 
The first person he called was Anwar.
"Damn, man," Anwar said, unable to form words. "That's just… wow. That's so
cool."
"Isn't it?" Maxxie said happily. "You want to party?"
"Of course, I want to party," Anwar hollered. "Your place?"
"Nah, mum's at home. Yours?"
"Can't do, parents have visitors. How about Chris'?"
"Let me call him with the news. Maybe he'll offer his place."
"Great, call me back!"
"Will do. Later."
Maxxie suppressed an excited sigh and dialled Chris' home number. While it
rang, he considered whether or not he should call Tony too. On the one hand,
the others were probably still shunning him – on the other hand, he was
completely up the walls at the moment and sex was just the thing –
"Yeah?"
"Chris, it's Max," Maxxie said. "Party, tonight, your place?"
"Huh, wha -? What's up? What are you so giddy about?" Chris asked. He sounded
like he'd just gotten up.
"I got a call. From a dance school. A really good dance school. They want me."
"Oh, damn, man, that's cool. Party?" Chris sounded stunned.
"Your place?" Maxxie repeated patiently.
"Huh? Oh, sure, mum's out of town for a few days again. Dunno where she's at,
but hell, you gotta promise to help clean up this time, it being your party."
"Will do," Maxxie said. "Invite some people will you?"
Chris grinned. "Done."
 
~*~
 
"What do I owe the pleasure of this particular booty call?" Tony asked when
Maxxie opened the door to let him in.
"Less talking, more sex," Maxxie said, took his arm and yanked him up the
stairs and towards his room before his mum could catch sight of them and demand
small talk be made before they vanished.
"Someone's horny," Tony commented idly.
"Oh fuck you, just come on," Maxxie pushed him against the door so that it
clicked closed behind the weight and placed a strategic kiss onto his lips
while his thigh found its way between Tony's legs, rubbing against his growing
erection. Tony opened his mouth in a moan, allowing Maxxie to slip his tongue
inside.
Tony's hands were already under his shirt, pushing up, up, and they broke the
kiss off until Maxxie'd gotten rid of it, and Tony's in quick succession. He
kissed his way down Tony's chin, jaw, collarbone over his nipples, licking,
making Tony squirm and moan before he fell onto his knees and started undoing
Tony's pants.
"You're all contradiction, you know?" Tony commented wryly, helping Maxxie
along when the zipper stuck.
"What do you mean?" Maxxie yanked his pants down, finally, with boxershorts and
found himself unable to wait. Slowly, he licked a path along the underside of
Tony's cock, making the other boy stiffen against the wooden door.
"Yesterday- you're all – no-sex on me," Tony panted. "And now you practically
maul me in the hallway?"
Maxxie shrugged. It was hard to talk while you had dick in your mouth, so he
pulled back a bit, licked his lips before he said, "Are you protesting?"
Tony stared. "Of course – oh, oh, fuck." Maxxie smirked up at him, and Tony
added, "- not."
"Thought so."
Tony was done a few minutes later, after Maxxie decided he'd get off better if
he had a few fingers buried in his ass, rocking back and forth into him and
out, driving Tony crazy. Tony came with a shudder, sliding down the door as his
knees weakened.
"Not- kidding," Tony breathed, kissing Maxxie softly on the mouth that was red
and puffy and wet. "Best. Damn. Blowjobs," he mumbled in between butterfly
kisses.
Maxxie smiled. "Thanks. How about my turn?" He got up onto his feet and pulled
Tony with him, walking backwards towards the bed. He stumbled when he hit it
with the backs of his knees and that made Tony stumble too, falling all over
him, limbs flailing.
"Should be more careful with that," Maxxie grinned. "Could hurt someone."
Tony rocked down his hips into Maxxie's, creating friction when his cock slid
across Maxxie's still clothed groin. "Hurt, huh?" he asked, smiling. "Want me
to help you out with that?"
Maxxie snorted. "C'mon, you tosser. Just get me off already, I'm dying here."
Tony kissed him again, pressed their lips together, let his tongue wander into
Maxxie's mouth exploring, silencing him, while his fingers worked Maxxie's fly
open. He was rid of the pants a lot quicker than Maxxie'd needed with Tony's.
"How about," he murmured, tongue wandering over Maxxie's lower lip. His cock
was half-hard again, Maxxie could feel it against his own erection, a bit wet
from his earlier spit, hot and grazing as they pressed closer, twisted into
each other to touch more, merge together. "How about I fuck you. Right now.
Right here." Tony's hands were under his thighs, rubbing up and down, one
sneaking between their bodies before he found a position that was good so that
he could get his fingers into Maxxie's body, pushing at his hole.
"I don't –" Maxxie protested slightly. It felt good, the stretch of Tony's
fingers inside him, working him open, the bits of burn among the complete and
utter pleasure pooling in his stomach. "I'm not –"
"C'mon," Tony whispered. "It'll be so good. I promise, it'll be better than any
other guy you've had before."
"Tony…" Maxxie said, but Tony was already there, kissing him again, deep and
full of tongue wandering inside his mouth, licking over his teeth, playfully
touching Maxxie's tongue.
With a gasp, Maxxie pulled away for air, felt his cock protest at the lack of
attention it was getting as Maxxie's fingers were splayed like claws over
Tony's back and shoulderblades while Tony's were holding his legs spread,
fingers pulling him open, playing with his opening like a graceful violinist.
"You got any stuff?" Maxxie finally asked, squeezing his eyes shut, because
yeah. Damn, yes, he wanted this, and so this was Tony, and he wasn't allowed to
trust Tony, but he also wanted sex, wanted to feel Tony's cock inside himself,
moving, and rocking into him, and it was enough that he wanted it, wasn't it?
Because that's what it was all about. The fact that Maxxie himself could decide
that this was the perfect time to do this. A gift, not something he gave up; a
way of freeing himself, for himself. This was not for Tony.
Tony, in the meantime, seemed to have no qualms at all. Of course. "You've got
stuff, remember?" he simply said, climbed off Maxxie and the loss of Tony's
thumb grazing his hole as his fingers brushed against the muscle, the lack of
skin against his own skin made Maxxie shiver. He'd never before thought that
his room felt cool, but it did in that moment.
Then Tony was suddenly back, snap as the condom wrapper opened, and there was
slight discomfort when Tony leaned over him, kissing him, because the lube was
cold-ish against him, slippery inside, strange feeling of slickness and ease.
"Shh, it's okay," Tony muttered when Maxxie jumped back, but then he was
pushing again, deeper and more, and a third finger joined the two inside and it
was like he was going to burst, he felt so good and he just wanted to come.
"Fuck it," he swore, "Tone, what are you waiting for."
"Pushy, pushy," Tony smirked, nibbled his ear and pushed a few stray hairs out
of his eyes before his slick fingers grasped at Maxxie's thighs and his dick
was against Maxxie's entrance, warm and strange-feeling and not at all like
fingers, but still kind of good.
"Damn, go fucking slow," Maxxie managed to churn out when Tony rocked into him
once and slipped inside, slow and not at all easy as Maxxie had imagined, but
at least not completely painful.
"Sorry," Tony apologized, grimacing. "God, you're such a fucking –" he pushed
once more and was in, buried to the hilt, filling Maxxie and Maxxie opened his
eyes, never even realized he'd squeezed them shut tightly before. He saw a
flicker in Tony's eyes, but it vanished too quickly and then Tony was moving
his hips, slowly, almost gently, like he was trying not to scare Maxxie with
too much motion at once.
"That's… better," Maxxie bit his lip, trying to work in rhythm, slowly but
surely gaining more confidence as they worked it out.
Tony led, moving on top of him, arms positioned on either side of Maxxie's
shoulders, keeping him balanced. His muscles strained with every movement,
Maxxie saw, tensing and untensing, and it felt amazing, the prodding and
rocking into his body like he was fastened onto a longbow and someone was
caressing him from the inside out.
Tony obviously had some experience from this side of matters, because even
Maxxie had to admit he was amazing, perfectly timed; he started out slow,
moving in soft, even thrusts that made Maxxie moan and gasp and almost beg with
pleasure, unable to come yet from just this; but Tony grew faster with time,
hard and pulsing in Maxxie's body, thrusts becoming crisp and errating, burying
himself in Maxxie with sharp and quick motions that hit with every little move
onto a point inside Maxxie that made him jolt with ecstasy.
When he came, after what felt like an hour of torture, which couldn't have been
longer than ten minutes at the most, it was like a punch in the stomach, an
easy win, and his muscles tightened, his whole body jerked, and Tony followed
swift, gasping from the intensity before his elbows gave way and he collapsed,
mashing their chests together.
"Fucking hell," Tony just muttered into his shoulder. "That was way too much
work."
Maxxie couldn't hold back the giggle, embarrassing as it was. "At least move
off me," he breathed, still laughing. "Fuck, my ass's gonna be so sore later…"
Tony rolled off him, pulling out in the process, and Maxxie let his limbs fall
apart, arm hitting Tony over the chest. "Fucker," Tony muttered, pushing it off
him. "You fucking liar."
Maxxie grunted. "Bitch all you want," he mumbled, closing his eyes. "I'm going
to sleep." He had an idea what Tony was getting at, but no way he was going to
admit to that. And yeah, he was tired and exhausted and, well, orgasm, so he
was allowed his few hours of bliss, right?
Right. Tony seemed to think so too, because he didn't even much protest when
Maxxie curled up close to him and sighed in contentment. He just snorted
something and then moved towards Maxxie, into the warmth, pulling the sheet
over them both.
After that, Maxxie was almost certain he fell asleep immediately.
 
~*~
***** Chapter 12 *****
Maxxie almost fell out of bed when the door to his room slammed open. His head
spiked with pain, a throbbing thump behind his temples and when he sat up, his
stomach gurgled, empty.
However, nothing of that was as bad as what he saw when his gaze fell onto his
mother standing in the doorway to his room. She was staring back, colour rising
in her cheeks. That was when Maxxie realized that he'd fallen asleep curled
around Tony in his bed in the middle of the bloody afternoon. It drove a high
flush to his face; he felt suddenly hot from his collarbones up, strangely
embarrassed.
It wasn't that she'd never seen him naked before – she'd just never seen him
naked in bed with a guy right after they'd had sex, the room still reeking with
the scent and sweat, his body sore and soiled. The embarrassment hit him almost
harder than the orgasm had.
His mum opened her mouth, closed it again, then coughed and said, "You have got
to be kidding me."
"Mum!" Humiliation burned as Tony stirred beside him.
Carys shook her head. "Never mind this now, get up, have a shower, but be quick
about it."
It was only then that Maxxie realized that her face wasn't only pale from this
newly found realization. Something was going on. "What happened?" he asked.
"Luce's hurt," she said quickly. "Which is why we have no time to lose. He's in
the hospital, we need to get there."
Maxxie stared, horrified. "Is he -?"
"He's going to be okay, he's beat up, but he's stable and there are no major
injuries. He wants to see us, so can I count on you to hurry up?"
"What happened?" Maxxie asked again. Next to him, Tony'd sat up and was
blinking back and forth, hair in disarray, deliciously flushed.
"I'll explain in the car. C'mon, get out of bed, Maxxie. Luce's waiting." With
a last glare at him, she vanished back into the hallway and closed the door on
Maxxie's yelp.
"Shower?" Tony asked.
"Not together!"
Tony smirked. "Would save time, though."
Maxxie glared. "Only if you keep your hands to yourself."
"Promise?" Tony held up his hands as if to prove they weren't going to be
misbehaving.
Maxxie shook his head, sighed. "Oh, fuck it, come on then."
 
~*~
 
Luce was hurt, and that was pretty much the only thing on Maxxie's mind for the
time being, so they just fooled around a little in the shower. Maxie stayed
stubborn even when Tony started kissing him with renewed vigor, very thoroughly
ignoring his protesting, "She's gonna know!"
They needed barely ten minutes until they were finished, thankfully, Maxxie
thought, drying himself as quickly as he could. It was okay, until Tony caught
him against the bathroom door on his way out, and meshed their bodies together,
ignoring Maxxie's growled, "Tony!"
"Maxxie," Tony repeated in the same tone of voice.
"Seriously," Maxxie warned. "Not now."
"Shut up," Tony snapped.
Maxxie glared and tried to free himself. Tony didn't let him. Instead, he
leaned close, pressed his mouth to Maxxie's ear and said, "Tell me, Max. Are
you sore?" His voice held an edge that bordered on sardonic glee.
Maxxie's glare intensified. "Fuck off."
Tony didn't react, instead he drew even closer and licked his way up Maxxie's
neck, his ear, before whispering, "You're such a liar."
Maxxie narrowed his eyes. "And you aren't?"
"We're not talking about me here," Tony replied smoothly.
Luce was waiting for them. His mum would be furious if he spent any more time
in the bathroom, and if she saw them walking out together, she would kill him.
Maxxie's brain worked furiously on a solution how to get out of Tony's grasp,
how to make him let go; he was dangerous like this. It scared Maxxie, how
intense he was, how hard he was trying to pursue a topic Maxxie'd thought would
be closed forever. Why, he asked himself. Why is it important? But he dismissed
the question quickly, because there was no time. He had to get Tony off his
back, that was all.
"Maxxie," Tony called on him. And then he came flat-out and asked, "Why didn't
you tell me before you were a fucking virgin?" The words held a curious tone, a
sharp echo of anger, irritation, but there was something else, almost like
concern.
It didn't matter, Maxxie decided. Whatever it was, he didn't care. "What would
you have done if I'd told you before?" he simply said, as cool as he could
manage, unemotional. "Had all the more fun trying to pop my cherry?"
At the words, Tony's eyes softened; Maxxie couldn't see much from his limited
range of sight, but he saw him take a little step back, lose the grip on
Maxxie's arms. He didn't say a word.
"Just leave me the fuck alone," Maxxie was already regretting that he'd done
it, that bout of passion, at the exact wrong time. "It's not like it matters.
It's just sex."
Tony let go immediately. There was a calculating look in his eyes. "It's
different," he finally stated, just like that, matching the coolness of
Maxxie's voice before; the silence unfolded like an ugly flower, uncomfortable,
making them both itch to leave.
Maxxie broke first. "How?" he asked sharply, like a whip cutting the air. "How
is it different from all the girls and occasional guys you've fucked, from all
the other virgins you play with, you try to break?" Tony didn't answer, so
Maxxie scoffed. "Right. It isn't, except that I don't give a shit about first
times being special or whether or not you're a complete psycho, as long as you
do the job, and do it well. It's not like I'm going to be here much longer, and
it doesn't hold sentimental value, because why should it? So thanks, Tony. I
had a highly enjoyable fuck today. And that is all it was. Consider me de-
virginized."
He couldn't care anymore. He just wanted out of here and get to Luce, who was
probably alone in the hospital, alone and scared, and wanted his mum and his
big brother to look after him after whatever it was that had happened.
Maxxie unlocked the door, opened and stepped into the hallway, making his way
towards his room to dress quickly. "I believe," he added for Tony, "you can
find your way out when we leave."
He didn't wait for an answer.
 
~*~
 
In the white hospital bed, surrounded by white walls and strange instruments
that beeped from time to time, Luce looked incredibly small and vulnerable, the
way he lay there, head on his pillow, staring at the ceiling.
When Maxxie approached, he saw Luce blink, but Luce didn't look away from the
ceiling, just continued staring at it. His face was riddled with bruises, above
his eye, around his nose and cheekbones, at his mouth, even his chin.
"Fuck," was all Maxxe could say. "Fuck," and again, again, until the one word
lost all its meaning. He stepped close enough to touch and that was when the
tears finally came, because he couldn't hold them back, not at the sight of his
little brother being this miserable and hurting and with his eyes full of pain.
"Luce," he whispered. Behind him, his mum was talking to a doctor in hushed
voices. They hadn't let him in before she'd cleared it up with the man, and
she'd warned him before he'd entered Luce's room. She'd said he looked bad,
that he looked like he was going to break apart any moment, but that it wasn't
so bad because the kicks and punches hadn't damaged his brain, and all his
internal organs were fine.
She'd told him not to touch, because Luce was hurting. He was on pain meds, and
he was still hurting. Maxxie felt like the biggest loser on earth; they could
have been here five minutes earlier, maybe even ten, if he hadn't given Tony
the time to shower with him. He could have – he should have picked Luce up from
school, not have been in his bed letting Tony screw his bloody brains out while
Luce was getting beat up by a gang of thugs.
Fuck.
"Luce, can you hear me?"
It reminded him strangely of Effy, the way Luce responded by twitching
slightly, but without words. Without talking. Maybe he couldn't, maybe his lips
hurt too much to move.
There was no way he was going to get away with a hug, Maxxie knew, but he found
that Luce's hand, while badly sprained, was only wrapped in white tissue, and
that was enough to softly curl his fingers around, touch the little bits of
skin that were peaking out here and there.
"What the fuck happened to you," Maxxie whispered, wiping away a tear that had
managed to roll down his cheek. It was a purely rhethorical question. He of
course knew what had happened to Luce. It didn't make him feel the least bit
better that he was the reason this had happened.
 
~*~
 
Bruises wouldn't have been bruises if they hadn't had the good trait to heal in
a matter of days. Knowing that, and unable to persuade Maxxie otherwise, at the
end of the day, the doctor reluctantly gave Carys the release forms she'd asked
him for, and they were able to take Luce home.
Luce still hadn't said a word, but when Maxxie got in with him in the back of
the car to keep him propped up carefully while Carys drove them home, he looked
grateful and a little tired. It had to hurt, leaning with his cheek against
Maxxie's chest, but Luce didn't even make a sound, just sighed in contentment
and closed his eyes.
He could walk, but barely, and Maxxie couldn't watch it as Luce made his way to
the house in painful little steps. Luce had fended him off two times when
Maxxie'd tried to pick him up. The third time, he'd managed a third of the way
barely, he gave in, too tired to protest. Maxxie gently took him up, waited
until he was positioned in a way that would give reign to minimum pain and
carried him inside into his room.
"Thanks," Luce mumbled softly when Maxxie put him down onto his bed.
Maxxie swallowed. "It's nothing, baby brother. Are you okay? Do you want
anything? Drink? More pillows? Are you cold?"
"'m fine," Luce mumbled on. "Stay?"
"Of course, we'll stay," Carys said from the doorway, arms around herself,
seeming small and helpless as she watched them, hunched into herself. "We'll
both stay, right, Maxxie?"
"Yeah," Maxxie managed to choke out. "We're gonna be here at all times. So if
you want something, just say so."
Luce gave him a tiny smile. "Come?" He made a small motion with his hand by his
bedside.
"You want me to – to climb in with you?" It hurt so much Maxxie thought he had
to go out and kill something, wring some neck to get the anger and rage and
helpless desire to maim out of his system. He could think back to cool nights
when Luce'd been afraid of the dark, or a nightmare, or their dad yelling – or
simply because he'd wanted to, climbed into Maxxie's bed, curling into a little
ball Maxxie could wrap his arms around and keep safe.
It felt so wrong, he thought as he got under the cover, slowly, gently, as
carefully as he could, trying not to touch too much, not to wriggle too much.
It felt so wrong to be doing this because Luce was actually hurt.
"What are we going to do?" he asked hoarsely when Luce'd finally fallen asleep,
minutes later, drugs kicking in at last.
Carys was still staring at them. Her eyes weren't filled with tears as he'd
expected. Instead, they were hard as diamonds, and just as cold. "First thing
tomorrow, I'm going to call the cops on those bastards. And then, we'll be
moving." Maxxie opened his mouth. "No," she snapped, silent but with so much
venom that he almost flinched. "We're moving, and it's final. Don't even dare
try to discuss this."
Maxxie swallowed. "I was going to ask if you'll need me to pack Luce's things."
Her gaze softened a fraction. "I think he'll want to do it himself. But it's
good of you to offer." She stepped close, put her cool hand to his forehead and
caressed his head, combing softly through his hair. "It's not your fault, you
know that, right? Nobody's blaming you for anything."
"No," Maxxie said, and he didn't believe it for a second. "No, I know it's not
my fault." Except it was, and he was going to do something about it.
 
~*~
The police went about the case as police had went about the case of Jal's
broken clarinet and as it would go about a case about a bag of stolen pot.
Slowly, and with almost no interest at all in finding a suspect, never mind a
guilty party.
Maxxie watched them as they took statements from his mum and from Luce, who
spoke more than he'd done the day before, then he himself proceeded to answer
standard protocol questions, bored to death halfway into the interview. He
forced himself not to show any of it, thought of Luce, who this was for, no
matter if it came to fruition or not. It was just something they had to do. It
was nothing compared to what Luce'd gone through. Not that they knew about
that, because he wasn't talking.
Maxxie didn't go to school that day, the next, or the one after that. It
wouldn't hurt his grades, he was fairly good at school, and he had that offer
now, the one for the dance school; looking at Luce, thinking about him and
their mum moving to Cardiff, away from here, somewhere where he'd be safe –
Luce could look out for himself when Maxxie's sexuality wasn't siccing
homophobic assholes on him in flocks. – that made him feel better. He wouldn't
be there, most of the time, but he wouldn't put Luce in any more danger either.
He wanted to go out there, meet those bastards head-on, give them hell for what
they'd done, but there was a problem with that: firstly, if he did go after
them, he'd get beaten up worse than Luce, and a few other things he didn't
particularly want to think about, and secondly and most importantly – Luce
wanted him in his room at all times, in bed with him, cuddling, or just
stroking his forehead and reading him from The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier
and Clay or the new Artemis Fowl novel or whatever it was he was in the mood
for.
He got a few calls in those days and during the weekend – Jal called first,
Wednesday afternoon, always the reliable one, asking how he was doing, how Luce
was faring (he didn't ask how she'd found out, but it was pretty obvious) –
then Michelle; she actually rang the doorbell, Thursday after school-out, and
offered chocolate cake ("I bought it at the café we were together, because I
can't really bake, sorry!"). It was a sheepish little offer, but one he greatly
appreciated and Luce even more so.
Cassie put a self-made "Get well!" card in their mailbox, the crazy lunatic,
like ringing wasn't a possibility, and Anwar and Chris kept sending him text
messages about how school was boring without him and how they hoped Luce was
better.
Tony didn't. Tony didn't call, didn't come by, Tony didn't send any messages,
and he didn't seem to think it was weird, because when Maxxie asked Michelle,
she shrugged and said, "Same asshole as ever, I believe. The other day, he made
a girl cry in the girls' toilet for a whole hour; I know it was him, because
she was sobbing his name."
Maxxie tried not to think about how they'd parted Tuesday while he spent the
weekend playing games with Luce and entertaining him to keep his mind off of
things. The breakdown, finally – Maxxie didn't think he'd have been able to
keep this up much longer – came Saturday evening. The house eerily quite,
because Carys was cooking dinner, self-made lasagne they'd have later in front
of the TV, watching some kind of quiz show.
Luce'd been picking at his wrist bandage all afternoon, refusing to do
anything, read, play, talk and Maxxie sighed, finished with telling him about
that one time Chris had been a total dork and drowned his homework (he'd
actually done it for once) in his fishbowl.
"C'mon," he said after five minutes of silence, forcing himself not to grab
Luce's wrist to keep him from completely unravelling the threads of his
bandage. "I don't know what else to tell you, help me out a little, Luce?"
Luce looked up, at him, eyes wide, and shrugged. "If you don't wanna be here,
you can go. You don't need to stay."
"That sounded a little different when I asked this morning!" Maxxie pointed
out.
"Well, this morning was different. Just go away."
Maxxie sat down on the edge of his bed. "Don't be like that. You know exactly
well that I want to be here, more than anything. Your bruises and your ribs and
stuff are healing okay, I know, but just take it easy, yeah?"
Luce shook his head mutely.
"What? Do you – are you feeling unwell? Do you –"
"Would you shut up?" Luce snapped. "Just get out, okay? I can't – you're just
sitting there, and it's not… it's not helping, okay, it's just. Just go away?"
"I can't," Maxxie said helplessly and touched his shoulder. "You don't want
that, you know you don't, why are you being like this?"
Luce's eyes were watering and he squeezed them shut, glaring at his hands in
his lap. "I just want to be alone for a while. Is that so hard to understand?"
"No," Maxxie said slowly. "It's not, but until now, you never said –"
"Well, I'm saying it now!"
Maxxie watched him for a few more seconds, unable to figure out what was going
on, then he slowly got up and walked towards the door, where he stopped one
more time. "If there's anything you want to talk about…"
"I get it." Luce's voice sounded hurried and half-broken. He was rubbing his
cheek like it would make the bruise there vanish, greenish as it was.
"Okay." Maxxie opened the door and stepped outside, closed it. For a good five
minutes, he didn't move, and then, he heard the slow sobs, quiet and heart-
wrenching, and he couldn't, he just couldn't stay and listen to Luce cry, so he
went into the kitchen and gave his mum a look.
"Oh," she said, nodded. "Is Luce –?"
"I don't think he's fine. He doesn't want me to see him cry."
"Oh."
They just stood there, counting down the seconds, then she swore, soundly,
said, "Fuck it," and pointed at the stove. "Make sure it doesn't burn."
Maxxie hoped Luce wouldn't feel like he needed to hide with her. It still hurt
like hell, though, to realize that this was how it was going to be, from now
on.
 
~*~
 
Monday into the third week of his arrangement with Tony – barely over a week
left, he told himself sternly, and ignored both the staggering feeling of
relief as well as the little sting of loss – Maxxie returned to school to go to
a few classes. Michelle was the first one to spot him walking over the green
and she joined him, a little awkwardly, like she'd been since they'd had their
talk about Tony and his wicked ways.
"Are you okay?" she asked. She looked very honest, as always, unable of deceit,
and Maxxie wondered why it was that a straight-forward, in-your-face person
like her could ever love someone who was the exact opposite, back-stabbing,
lying and trust-breaking, the way Tony acted.
"I'm fine. Luce's still a little hurt, but he's getting better. He's… a bit
different at the moment. I hope it'll pass."
"Poor Luce," Michelle mumbled. "People can be such assholes."
"People can be," Maxxie agreed readily. He didn't want to talk, but he couldn't
at home, couldn't say it to anyone, and Michelle was just there and they
weren't really friends, not like he was with Chris and Anwar, or even Cassie,
but she was growing to become, and he blurted, "I think he's trying not to make
me feel guilty."
Michelle blinked. "Are you?"
"Am I what?"
"Feeling guilty?"
Maxxie bit his lip. "Well, yes! Because it's my fault!"
"You didn't beat him up, did you? Or send those guys after him?"
"No!"
"Then I really doubt it's your fault!" Michelle patted his arm. "C'mon, if you
stop believing it's your fault, he'll stop trying not to make you feel guilty,
now, don't you think?"
Maxxie scowled, but didn't know an answer, so he glowered a little and let her
chirp along by his side until they arrived at the spot where their group
usually spent the time before the bell called them inside for classes. The
others were already there, waiting, most of them with curious, sympathetic
expressions on their faces. Chris looked like he wanted to jump up and snog
Maxxie right there.
"Don't," Maxxie laughed when he saw Chris get up. "At least not here."
Chris grinned wryly. "And here I thought I might actually do some good."
"You can come visit," Maxxie shrugged. "Luce'll be dead happy to see a stupid
ugly face that isn't mine."
"Ha! Funny," Chris poked him.
"I can't believe that actually happened," Anwar muttered, staring at this
shoes. "I can't believe – dude, I – I'm so sorry for giving you such a hard
time –"
"It's fine, really," Maxxie said. "You wouldn't ever have beat up on me because
of it, now, would you?" When Anwar started to protest he shrugged. "And anyway,
we talked about it, right? Most important thing is that we're both over it… we
are, aren't we?"
Anwar nodded, looking chagrined. "The dad gave me another talk."
Maxxie grinned. "Anyone else have a confession to make?" They all stared at him
blankly, still half-pained, half-sympathetic. "Guys," he sighed. "Nobody died.
Luce's getting better."
"That doesn't change a thing!" Jal pointed out, glaring. "This is not something
to be taken lightly. And it's not like the fucking police will do anything
about those guys, so you have to be careful!"
"Actually…" Maxxie swallowed. "I'm glad y'all are here; there's a couple things
I need to tell you." He glanced at Tony, but Tony was the only one whose
expression didn't give him away, a cool look was all Maxxie got in return.
Cassie, who hadn't said a word since he'd arrived, was giving him a half-smile,
encouraging. "First off, I'm sorry guys, that I couldn't make it to the party
Saturday."
"Don't worry, mate," Chris punched his shoulder. "We had a splendid time
without you!"
Maxxie rubbed it with a grimace and punched him back. "Stop hitting me."
The joke fell a little flat, which he realized the moment he spoke, and Chris
flushed crimson. "Sorry."
"Ah." Maxxie shrugged. "It's okay, no harm done."
It was Tony who cleared his throat. "What was that all about, anyway? Chris
didn't want to say why you called party night."
"Yeah," Michelle agreed. She threw Tony an unfriendly look, but that bit of
hostility seemed to be all that went on between them at the moment, as far as
Maxxie could see. Maybe Michelle was more forgiving than he was. "We mostly
figured no excuse is an excuse too, but now that you mention it…"
Maxxie felt himself redden, felt the heat radiate from his cheeks, but he
pushed on bravely. "Just before the thing happened, with Luce. I got a call,
from an agent."
"Like, an FBI agent?" Jal asked, eyes narrowing.
"No!" Maxxie grinned. "A dance agent. Someone who scouts for talents and sends
out invites to universities. Ah… he kind of offered me entrance to Leeds'
Contemporary Dance School. It's a really great program and – well. It's looking
really good that I'll be able to get in if I get my planned GCSEs."
"Maxxie, that's so, so, so awesome!" Cassie laughed and was on him in a second,
clutching him tightly, placing kisses all over his face. "Lovely, lovely,
lovely!"
"It's great," Maxxie smiled. "Thanks, Cassie."
Cassie disentangled from him and bounced a little on the balls of her feet.
"Can I come visit? To Leeds? To watch you dance? Wow, I mean… wow, that would
be so lovely!"
Maxxie's smile widened. "If you want."
Michelle was right behind, congratulating him with a lot of warmth and honest
joy, and Jal, enveloping him in a tight hug.
Anwar and Chris were grinning, privy to the information before anyone else… but
what Maxxie was really interested in was Tony's reaction, and as he glanced
over to him over Jal's shoulder, he saw Tony'd stood up and was approaching,
little smile on his face that clearly told the world to go fuck itself. It was
such a Tony-expression that the others wouldn't notice, but Maxxie felt his
stomach tighten in anticipation.
The last time they'd seen each other, after all, was when he'd practically
thrown Tony out of the house for playing games. 'Different'. Yeah, right.
Maxxie let go of Jal and narrowed his eyes at him.
Tony stepped into the space she vacated, smile still in place and said, "I
guess congratulations are in order? Or… did I already give my share of those?"
No question Tony'd just found out what that 'booty call' last Tuesday had been
about.
Maxxie bit his lip. "Just don't," he muttered.
"Why not?" Tony grinned. There was a dangerous glint in his eye as he leaned in
and placed a gentle kiss on Maxxie's mouth. Maxxie could feel the hairs on his
neck and arms stand upright immediately, knew the others were watching with
open-mouthed astonishment, and Maxxie pulled away immediately, feeling a surge
of anger well up.
"What the fuck?" he hissed.
Tony shrugged. "Congrats," he smirked, mouth near Maxxie's ear, hands holding
his arms tightly as he whispered, "I'm sure you'll find a lot of guys with huge
dicks in Leeds just begging to work your arse."
"Shut up," Maxxie shoved and made Tony stumble back a few steps. He tried to
conceal his complete astonishment at the way Tony was acting up, not his style
at all, and he knew he wasn't quite accomplishing it, because Michelle had
narrowed her eyes and looked like she was completely on to him, and Anwar was
staring, his mouth so wide open that Maxxie thought it was a little hilarious.
The bell saved him, of course. And Tony, from getting another kick in the
balls, courtesy of Michelle. Tony shouldered past him, hand brushing his butt
as he took off, not sexy, more of a "remember?" and Maxxie took a long, deep
breath before he said, "We should get inside."
The news about his leaving town in a few weeks at the latest could wait until
this had settled down.
 
~*~
 
Chris actually held true to his word and accompanied Maxxie home in the
afternoon, walking alongside him on the street.
"So," he finally interrupted the silence. "What is it you actually wanted to
say this morning before Tony started acting like a complete dick?"
Maxxie looked up, surprised. "What do you mean?"
Chris shrugged. "Obviously, there was something you needed to get off your
chest, and it wasn't the fact that you got into that dance school of yours."
Maxxie stayed silent for a while, thinking. This was Chris, after all. Chris
sometimes had a knack for knowing these things. Still… maybe it would be better
to wait until everyone was there to listen?
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Chris continued. "I'm just
curious."
"Tell you what," Maxxie said. "Let's get home and check up on Luce first, and
then, when we're settled in my room, I'll explain?"
Chris nodded. "Fine with me."
Luce was better when Maxxie entered, making Chris wait in the hallway for a few
seconds. He was reading a book, still in bed, but instead of the swell and
colouring, the bruises were subsiding, and they'd even lost their greenish
tinge.
"Are you okay?" Maxxie asked, running a hand over his cheek gently.
Luce pushed him away, but nodded. "I'm fine. I'm reading, though."
"I can see that. Hey, I brought Chris."
Luce looked up at that. "What's he doing here?"
Maxxie shrugged. "Well, he was worried and he wants to see you, so can he come
in, or can't he?"
"Oh, fine. But I'm all better already. Jamie was there this morning while you
were in school."
"Was he? Did he say something interesting?"
"Actually, he did. He said that –"
Chris peaked inside the room in that moment. It made Luce lose his train of
thoughts. "Hey there," he grinned. "I was kinda tired of waiting outside, so I
thought I'd let myself in."
Luce shrugged. "I was just telling Maxxie that I'm fine and don't need any
cheering up."
"Already fine?" Chris grinned. "Wow, you're tough, man. That one time I got
beat up, I stayed in bed for a month."
Maxxie threw him a quick glare, but Luce's expression brightened. "You got beat
up?"
"Yeah!" Chris nodded, chin bobbing up and down furiously. "It was horrible. I
think…" he frowned. "They didn't like my stylish cap at the time."
Luce grinned. "Yeah. I don't know, I think they didn't like my big brother,
this time."
"Well, that's too bad," Chris grinned back, slinging an arm around Maxxie's
shoulders. "Because your big brother is fabulous."
"I know." Luce's grin widened. "Thanks for visiting."
Maxxie grumbled when Chris half-punched his shoulder. "Pity that this guy here
didn't invite me sooner. But I guess he wanted you all to himself!"
Luce rolled his eyes. "He gets like that sometimes."
"Gets on your nerves, does he?"
"Guys," Maxxie scowled. "Stop talking about me like I'm not here!"
Luce laughed and buried under his covers, cheeks reddening. Chris petted
Maxxie's head. "Poor Maxxie. You know, you should really listen to Luce. He's
one of the cool kids."
Luce beamed up at Maxxie. "Why can't he be your boyfriend?"
"Yes, Maxxie," Chris joined in, hugging him even closer. "Why can't I be your
boyfriend?"
Maxxie pushed him off and flipped him the bird. "Because you're in love with
your Psychology teacher, for once?"
"Ah, yes. There is that." Chris turned to Luce and said with a very mysterious
voice, "I tell you, man. Never fall for psychology teachers. They're, like,
completely insane!"
That set Luce off again in a fit of laughter, and Maxxie had to admit he hadn't
thought this would work quite this well. Still, it made him a bit envious, to
see Chris get on so well with Luce, making him laugh, when Maxxie ever managed
to make him more miserable. It wasn't really fair.
At least, Luce was really better, and if he could already laugh like this, he
had to be okay. Or if he wasn't, he was going to be, soon.
 
~*~
 
Later in Maxxie's room, Chris pounced him and wrestled him into the bed,
kissing him right on the mouth. "Stop pouting. It doesn't suit you," he
muttered, then dove right back in, forcing Maxxie to open his mouth.
Maxxie let him, for a while, let him in and kissed back, languid strokes of his
tongue against his own, a little wet and smart, and quite careful without being
too gentle. Then, when they were both panting for air, he pushed Chris off and
sat up, shoulder to shoulder.
"You always do that," he complained.
Chris grinned. "And you always like it." He shook his head. "Bow down to my
superior snogging skills."
Maxxie rolled his eyes, but he didn't protest when Chris went in for another
kiss, slower this time, caressing the inside of his mouth.
"Admit it," Chris said afterwards. "You feel a lot better now."
"Strangely enough, I do," Maxxie snorted.
"See? A little kissing goes a looong way. But now, share what's the thing
that's bothering you. I can hardly stand the suspense!"
Maxxie leaned back against his wall, bit his lip, then he simply said, "Mum
decided it would be best to move."
The dead silence that followed was cold and chilly. Chris seemed frozen. When
he recovered from the shock, he moved jerkily, turning towards Maxxie. "What?"
"Yeah." Maxxie shrugged. "I'm all for it, really. As long as Luce is safe."
"What about you?" Chris asked. "You can't – I mean, you still have to go to
school here and all, right?"
Maxxie shrugged. "I don't know. We'll see. Probably, but we'll be figuring that
all out in the next few weeks. We're not moving immediately, but soon. Mum
already found a house and she's got a job over there –"
"She's already got a job?"
Maxxie nodded. "We talked about it before. You know that this isn't the first
time Luce got beat on."
"And that now… that was the final straw?"
"He was really hurt."
"But… that means…"
"Yeah. Then again, it's not like I'm not leaving for Leeds anyway, when the
next semester starts, if I manage to get the grades I'm hoping for, so it's not
that big a deal –"
"Fuck you, not big a deal!" Chris snapped. "It's the whole summer! We were
supposed to spend it all together!"
Maxxie shrugged. "I'm sorry, I'd really like to be here, with you guys and my
family, but… I can't just –"
"Yeah." Chris sighed. "Yeah, I get it." He really did seem to calm down,
because he didn't say another word, just kissed Maxxie again.
After all, from what Chris knew, it was the solution to everything, right?
~*~
A week, Maxxie thought the next afternoon, sitting on the couch with Luce,
watching TV. A whole week in which Tony hadn't called, or texted, no advances
made, as if he'd pulled out of their little bet, as if he was no longer
interested.
There had been nothing, aside from that little scene on the green before the
college, a scene that still drove Maxxie crazy trying to figure out what was
going on with Tony. What had that meant? What was he thinking? Had Maxxie
broken their arrangement? Was that what this was about? But he hadn't done
anything!
He couldn't quite figure out what it was, that feeling that told him he was
missing something.
It was all the more surprising, when, after all the thinking he'd done, Carys
opened the door later that evening to reveal Tony. She'd grown to like him, for
all his sly ways, the easy, charming manner by which he treated her and her
sons getting to her. Maxxie still felt like someone had plunged him into a
bucket of ice water when he saw Tony standing there, in the middle of the
hallway.
Carys gave him a look – she'd forgotten, over the thing with Luce, that she'd
caught them in bed, but it told him how uncomfortable a talk was waiting for
him later. Then she said, "You can go up to your room for a bit, I'll call you
boys down when dinner's ready. Tony, are you joining us?"
Tony smiled. "I'd be delighted."
"Great." She gave Maxxie another look, clearly stating that he could expect her
to call them down any time, and turned to join Luce on the couch. Maxxie
realized with a stir that Luce was right – he was hardly ever allowed to be on
his own anymore. When Maxxie wasn't sitting with him, their mum found some way
to join him and the other way around.
"So?" Tony asked, tilting his head.
Maxxie nodded to the stairs. "Room. We have to talk."
Tony smiled. "As you wish."
 
~*~
 
They didn't talk, of course. Tony fucked him so hard that Maxxie thought he
wouldn't be able to sit down later, and he definitely had noticed the message
Carys had given her son, because he didn't linger at all, had Maxxie out of his
clothes and on his knees in a minute.
Twenty minutes later, it was all over as they lay panting and gasping in
between the sheets.
"Fuck," Maxxie said, screwing his eyes shut to get rid of the images burnt into
the backs of his eyelids, coming down from the orgasm.
"You could call it that," Tony agreed. He didn't sound like his usual self, he
sounded… strange. There was no other word for it.
Maxxie waited a few more minutes, then propped himself up on his elbow and
stared down at him. "What's up?"
"Hm?"
"I asked, what's up? Why did you come here, now? And what's with the…" he
gestured.
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
Maxxie sat up, strangely annoyed. "Look, if you don't want to talk, fine. But
then, get out." He didn't feel okay saying that, it sent a spike of pain
through him at the thought that Tony might actually do it, just leave, until
the next fuck. But Tony didn't. Tony sat up as well, put his hand on Maxxie's
shoulder and pushed him back into his pillow, kissing his mouth gently.
"You're so…" he said softly.
Maxxie stared. "What?"
Tony swallowed. Then he pulled back again, giving Maxxie a thoughtful look.
Considering. His expression closed off immediately after that, but Maxxie had
seen that he was worried. As if he wasn't completely sure of himself, and that
was not something one was used to from Tony.
"What the fuck, Tony," he said. "Just fucking tell me what you've done."
Tony licked his lips, once, then the confident mask was back, smirk full-force.
"I found them for you."
"What?"
"The police's a bunch of retards," Tony said, very clearly. "But I'm not. So I
found them for you. The guys who beat Luce up."
"What?" Maxxie stared, shocked.
Tony nodded. "We beat them up so thoroughly that they won't lay a finger on
your brother as long as they live." He seemed pleased with himself.
"We?" Maxxie asked. "Who's we?"
"Oh." Tony shrugged. "Chris. Anwar. Me. We did a good job, you know? Nobody's
ever gonna know it was us. Don't worry, this won't come back."
"Won't it?"
Suddenly, Maxxie was shaking with rage. This couldn't be true.
Part of him, of course, was fucking happy that the bastards had gotten what
they deserved; that part of him was fucking rejoicing, celebrating their pain.
But that wasn't the part of himself he liked. Maxxie knew himself well enough
to know that that was the part of himself that was like Tony, something he
didn't want to become, ever. He was a human being, for heaven's sake. They
deserved to pay for beating up Luce, but not by senseless vengeance.
"Fucking hell, Tony, did I ask you to do a thing like that?" he snapped. "I
didn't, did I? I wanted them to be caught, prosecuted. I wanted… I did not want
you guys to beat them up. It's… inhuman! You don't do that to another person,
no matter how –"
"They were low-lives!" Tony protested, clutching the sheet between his fingers.
"They started it! What the fuck is your problem? Why do you always have to be
such a fucking saint, just fucking be honest for once in your pathetic life and
tell me that knowing they aren't a threat any longer makes you feel good, just
like having me fuck you every day, all the time, makes you feel good. Just
admit it, for fuck's sake!"
Maxxie flinched back. "Don't you dare tell me how I feel!" he growled. "You
have no idea –"
"I know people like you!" Tony said softly. "You're telling yourself you're
better, when in reality, you like to play the same games, and you like to
pretend nothing bothers you, when really, you fucking yearn for more, every
day, every minute. Don't tell me otherwise. You would beg me to come back if I
was to go, you would –"
"Oh, would I?" Maxxie pushed at Tony's chest, a simple gesture, but clear
enough in its meaning. "Or is that just something you'd like me to do?"
Tony pulled back, and his previously open face, angry and wanting, cloaked,
fell. His eyes grew darker. "I wouldn't like you to do anything. There's
nothing you have that I want."
Maxxie couldn't read Tony any better than the next person, really. If asked, he
would have said so, would have admitted that reading Tony was an impossible
thing, because he didn't think like normal human beings.
But when it came to wanting – and needing – Tony, it seemed, was like a scared
little child, and children lie. Maxxie knew, in that moment, immediately, that
Tony was lying, hiding, trying to cover something up.
And the pieces fell together.
"You know, don't you?" he whispered, shoulders relaxing, dropping, all the
tension gone. Fuck. "You – Chris told you?"
"I don't know shit," Tony hissed.
"Fuck, Tony. Fuck, you… you're supposed to be smart, Tony. Smart does not mean
to beat up a group of twelve-years olds to keep me here."
"I didn't do it to –"
"The fuck you didn't!" Maxxie grabbed his wrist to keep him from bolting. "Stay
here, you wanker, I want to get to the bottom of this now!"
Tony stared at him, just stared, not giving him an inch.
"I'm leaving, Tony, and there is nothing, nothing you can do about it!"
I found them for you, repetition in his head, over and over, the first words
Tony had said about this mess. For him. Maxxie bit his lower lip so hard it
hurt, harder after that, to make it stop.
"I –" Tony struggled with the words, then said, "I did it because I wanted to.
You should be thankful! Why aren't you – I don't get you. You should – you
should be glad that they're taking care of! They'll never hurt Luce again!"
"But you didn't do it for me, Tony." Maxxie shook his head, unable to believe
this was happening. "You did it for yourself, you did it to keep me here, to
keep me from leaving, so that you could have me, for yourself! Do you know how
sick that is?"
Tony tilted his head, standing up, not caring that Maxxie's hand was still on
his wrist, twisting it painfully. "I did it for you," he repeated, coolly.
Maxxie let him go, then, watched him find his clothes and get dressed. He hated
to see this, to see Tony giving him those looks, looks of 'I don't understand'
and he probably didn't, didn't understand that this was not what Maxxie wanted,
and that he'd never be what Maxxie wanted, the more he kept acting like this.
"I'll see you around, I guess," Tony said at the door. "Tell your mother I said
thank you for inviting me to dinner but I had to go home."
Maxxie stared after him, unable to get off the bed and follow him, because what
good would it do? They were over, really, not that they'd ever started, and
Tony… Tony didn't want to see that what he did was wrong, that he couldn't just
play people like puppets, that people reacted differently sometimes than he
thought they would.
He'd brought Luce in even more danger, by pissing those guys off, and he'd done
it in some sick attempt to make Maxxie stay to keep him longer, and Maxxie
didn't – couldn't - understand that. Same as Tony couldn't understand that
there was more than one thing wrong with the way he'd acted.
Maxxie leaned back into the pillow, scent of Tony and sex and loss in the air,
and drew a deep breath, trying to calm down.
Maybe it was for the better, he decided, closing his eyes. This parting, maybe
it was best if he let Tony go. He hadn't ever understood Tony; he'd thought he
did, by reading a paper on how he worked, how he perceived people. He'd thought
he could play Tony, control him.
He'd been wrong, so very obviously. He should have known what was going on in
Tony's head; he should have known that Tony would find out about anything which
he wanted to know, that he'd do anything to keep his games, to get what he
wanted, by any means necessary.
Still, it hurt like a bitch to see Tony go, and know that this was it, the end.
That the small moments and flickers of normal he'd seen from Tony, occasional
night he'd stayed over, curled into Maxxie, nuzzling of his neck, the evening
of playing games. That all that was lost, because Maxxie hadn't been able to
realize that he knew nothing about what made Tony really tick.
It was, he concluded, an experiment gone wrong in the worst sense, and he'd
invested his heart, even though only a little. He wondered, sometimes, why he'd
done that, and then, whether Tony had. Tony, who knew nothing of giving away
his heart; he'd stayed, a couple of times, hadn't he? He'd given up things,
played, shown affection.
Suddenly, he couldn't be sure anymore, saw the glittering cruelty in his eyes
as he fucked other people, right in Maxxie's face, as he played and insulted
and tried to outpower.
Maxxie shook his head. Most of all, he wondered what would happen now; would
Tony go back, simply playing the way he'd always played? Possibly. Very
probably, 'different' was not enough for Tony. Especially if 'different' was
not to be kept.
In any case, Maxxie realized, he probably wouldn't even get to see how it
developed. In a week or two, he'd be somewhere else, and then, maybe,
university, and all this would be a memory at which he wouldn't look back very
fondly, if at all.
Still.
Slowly, Maxxie got up from his bed, sat down at his computer and switched it
on, calling up his internet connection. There was something he should have done
before, a long time ago, and it had to be done now, had to be done because
nobody could really know what Tony would do, what he would become, and people
needed to know, to be prepared. People other than him, people who would stay
here, in this town.
Angie knowing, himself knowing - that wasn't enough.
It took him the good part of the evening to gather enough information to
reconstruct the essay he'd read at the very beginning. He wrote it, rewrote it,
rewrote it a third time, made sure to emphasize all the parts that reflected
Tony's personality, the way he played.
When he was finished, he opened a mail window and copied the text inside.
He put eight email addresses into the recipient field.
 
~*~
***** Epilogue *****
Chapter Notes
     This is it, guys. Last part. Hope you enjoyed the ride.
The ticking of the clock at the wall was almost too loud in the silence that
was only interrupted by the soft words the professor spoke up front in the
classroom. It was hot, smoldering almost, and the sun shone through the huge,
wide windows at the side, illuminating benches and chairs and the headtops of
students sitting inside.
It was past lecture's end, but the professor was an enthusiastic young man who
never even once glanced at said clock and therefore kept missing his deadline
regularly. It took the clearing of the throat of a student in the front row to
make him look up from his presentation – and then, with an embarrassed little
sound, he said, "Gosh, that late already. Oh, fine then, go on, get out of the
stuffy room and into the sun."
There was elated chatter that immediately rose up after that. He clapped his
hands together. "But don't forget. For next lesson, read the chapter on anxiety
disorders and make sure you write down all the questions you have so that we
can discuss them up front. They'll be a big part of your exam!"
And that was it. He started collecting his documents and shutting down the
computer systems.
Maxxie gave a sigh of relief and shook his hand, trying to work out the kink
he'd gotten from writing. This lecture always gave him lots of things to write
down, and it was hard to keep up with the important information.
"Hurry up," a girl in the row before him grinned at him. "Or aren't you coming
to lunch with us?"
Maxxie grinned back. "Sorry, Anne. Don't got time today, my little brother is
calling in an hour at home, so I'd better be back."
"Aw, damn. You two are so adorable."
"Fuck off," Maxxie flushed. "It's Friday. We haven't spoken in almost a week."
"Three days," Laura chimed in, throwing her eraser at him. "C'mon. We'll talk
about that new gay flick that's due out in the theatres."
Maxxie snorted. "It's cheesy. I don't like cheesy."
"Oh, don't be like that." A third girl joined them, Jane, making their little
group complete – and pissing off any students who wanted to pass them and
couldn't because they were blocking the row. "It's about a dancer. You're a
dancer! You'll be able to empathize!"
Maxxie winced. "I'm not a dancer."
"Oh, sure you are. We've seen you."
"I'm sorry." Maxxie sighed. "I really need to go home. We can meet up tomorrow.
Have a drink, go dancing. That okay, ladies?"
"Yeah." Anne shushed the other two, who were about to protest. "That'll be
fine. I can ask Alex if he wants to come." She winked at him.
Maxxie could feel himself flush. "That's not necessary."
"Oh, come on, he likes you." Anne punched his arm.
"What's your brother done this time, Anne?" Jane laughed. "Don't tell me he's
decided to give the gay a try!"
"People don't need to be gay to like Maxxie!" Laura pointed out.
"Girls." Maxxie rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Can we get moving? I don't feel
like talking about prospective boyfriends in the middle of a lecture room, you
know."
"Prospective boyfriends?" Jane bounced on her heels. "Oh dear."
"Move!" Maxxie yelped, pushing her towards the door.
 
~*~
 
He finally got rid of them when they were out of the building and out in the
open, on the university greens where lots of students were walking and standing
around, talking in louder voices. For a few minutes, the girls had tried to
engage him in more talk, but he'd told them they should hurry up or they
wouldn't get any more food and they finally got the hint and left, giggling
amongst themselves.
Maxxie breathed out, tried to regain his balance and took a few steps towards
the main street where he'd catch a bus back to his apartment. It wasn't too far
from the university, which was just as well. He'd never lived far from school
before either.
London wasn't too pretty at this time of the year, hot and dry and sticky from
all the bodies. He hurried up, didn't look left and right as he walked towards
the station. His head was aching from the sun hitting the bright blond hair and
he was exhausted, eyes hurting from looking at projections and slide shows
since early morning.
It was Friday, at least. Weekend was awaiting him. He'd considered going home
last weekend, after he'd buried for all two days in his apartment, in his bed,
watching silly romances and wanting to have Luce with him, close – but then,
exams were coming up shortly and studying and the drive home – and then, Luce
was still a bit too dependant on him. Even after a good three years, he still
loved Maxxie so fucking much, it was downright painful.
It still hurt though, not to be able to see his family every day.
He was so lost in thoughts that he didn't notice someone was following him
until he stopped at the station to check at the timetable how long he'd have to
wait for the bus. It was only when he felt a touch to his shoulder and someone
pulling at his bag that he turned around.
He got the biggest surprise of his life: staring back at him with a slight
little smile on his face was Tony.
"Wow," Maxxie gaped. "Wow, I – fucking hell, Tony!"
"Nice to see you too."
"I – what are you doing here?"
Tony shrugged. "I go to university here."
"What? Since when?"
"Third year now."
"I – I didn't know!"
"I found only out you were here a few days ago," Tony shrugged. "I thought I'd
call you up, but then I saw you walking past me…"
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"It's… been a while." Maxxie felt himself blush. "Uhm. I don't –"
"Do you want to go for a drink?" Tony interrupted. He didn't seem particularly
anything, either aggrevated or bored. He looked perfectly average.
"Well." Maxxie tried to put his thoughts in order – there was chaos up there at
the moment. "I can't, I'm sorry, I gotta go home – I… I guess you could come.
To catch up on the lives?"
Tony looked a little surprised at that, but then nodded, pleasant. "That sounds
nice."
 
~*~
 
Maxxie made him lemonade with some ice and made an iced tea for himself after
Tony had declined one. A glance at his watch showed that Luce's call wasn't due
for half an hour yet, so he sat down next to Tony on the couch, just about as
far that they weren't quite touching.
"How've you been?" he asked.
"All right," Tony nodded. "Better, since I moved here."
"Been living in London long?"
"I moved as soon as I got accepted. Effy moved with me a year later. She's
still in touch with the parents."
"You aren't?"
"Nah." Tony shrugged. "Fuck 'em."
Maxxie nodded to himself. "Something happen?"
Tony turned to him. "So what are you doing in London? Thought you were gonna be
a dancer? Shouldn't you be rocking the dance halls of the big world by now?"
It took him a while to answer, and he had to lick his lips to keep them wet so
they wouldn't stick together, too dry to be moved. He felt suddenly nervous.
"It – it wasn't quite what I thought it would be."
"Huh." Tony gave him a long, searching look. "Funny how that turns out, huh?"
"Yeah."
The silence between them was slightly uneasy.
"You know, you never even said," Maxxie broke it finally. "Back when we were…
whatever we were. You never told anyone what you wanted to do, after college."
"Probably because I didn't know yet." It was rare to hear such genuine
puzzlement from Tony. "I mean – you know."
"Yeah. So what are you studying?"
Tony gave him a smirk. "Law."
"You're shitting me!"
"No. With politics on the side. 's all about power, Maxxie. All about power."
Maxxie breathed out. "Figures. You really didn't change."
That gave Tony pause before he reached out and touched Maxxie's chin softly,
forcing him to look him directly in the eyes. "Maybe you did. I'm trying to
find out." And then, he leaned over and kissed him, warm and a little wet and
with a lot of feeling.
Maxxie let him, let him explore a bit, taste deep into his mouth, but when Tony
tried to push for more, he broke free and gasped, panting. "This is really
fucked up, you know."
"Oh, I know. Better than you do, I think, despite being a psychology student,
Maxxie."
Maxxie's eyes widened. "How did you –"
"Oh, come on, I looked you up. It's not that hard to find out. And you remember
I hope – knowledge and all that?"
"I don't know what to say." Maxxie swallowed. "I didn't – why are you doing
this? Why now, after all this time, a reunion like this? It's not even like
you're really capable of forming attachments, Tony, so –"
"You and your stupid textbooks and essays." Tony's voice sounded disgusted.
"You don't think exceptions to the rule are possible? Ever thought of that?"
"No." Maxxie stared him down. "I believe they are possible. It's just that I've
seen you with people, which is apparently what you forget. And you're not one
of the exceptions."
"So sure, are you. Brilliant report on me, by the way, good start to a career
before you even knew you had one in that field. Took me a good while to
convince the others to stop looking at me like a wild animal." He sounded
really angry now. "You fucking little shit, why couldn't you just believe me? I
don't get you."
"No, Tony, I don't get you. I thought – you have to understand, when I wrote
that report on you and sent it to everyone, including you, I thought I did. I
thought I just hadn't found the right way to deal with it. But I was wrong. I –
I think it's impossible for anyone to get you. To really understand what your
motives are."
"That's bullshit." Tony glared. "I understand, so if I told you –"
"- what assurance do I have that you'd be telling the truth?"
Tony narrowed his eyes. "Fuck you."
"Oh, fuck you, Tony. It's not like I'm saying this to insult you. It's just the
way I see things now."
"Well, let me show you how I see things."
A good two seconds later, he had Maxxie flat on his back, mouths merged and was
wrestling him into submission and out of his pants. And for all his bravado and
clever arguments, for all his knowledge of danger and carefulness, Maxxie
didn't protest once.
 
~*~
 
The phone rang once, twice. Tony moved on top of him, leisurely, shivering from
the bit of air that hit his naked back. Underneath him, Maxxie groaned. "Stop
moving, you fucker."
"I thought you might want to," Tony mumbled into his skin, breathing his blond
hair away from his ear. His lips were warm against Maxxie's cheek. "'s a call
for you, you know."
Maxxie bit his lip. "Fuck, Tony. We –"
"- could try." Tony sighed, inched closer into him, as if to crawl into his
body, to make sure they wouldn't separate, despite the complete flippancy in
his voice, all but a 'I don't care what you say to that, it's not like I mind
either way.'
"We can't!"
"Well, no, you're right, I have to go dump the girlfriend first, but then –"
"Fucking hell, Tony!"
"I'm kidding. We're not in a relationship. We're just fucking. She knows that."
"I don't believe you, for –"
"Stop screeching into my ear like a seduced virgin, I know for a fact that
you're not."
"Shut up, Tony. Just… shut up."
The phone stopped ringing. Maxxie promised himself to get up in two minutes and
call back. Luce would be disappointed if he didn't. And it wasn't all that
important to stay physically close to Tony, because obviously, physical
closeness didn't mean shit to the other boy. Another harsh truth, and Maxxie
was already getting tired of them.
"You need to leave," he said quietly. "You need to leave and never come back."
"Why? You and me – we're good. We're great together. Why can't you see that?"
"We're not good. We're not even mediocre. You'll fucking break my heart this
time, and I know it, and I don't want that. I know you well enough, Tony. You
know yourself, you've told me. So how can you not see that if I give in to you
right now, you'll not want me anymore?"
Tony put his forehead to Maxxie's and looked him in the eyes, noses almost
touching. "So don't give in," he murmured. "Just… stay."
"And do the same dance we did over three years ago? Do I look masochistic to
you? It made me miserable, except for the sex. But I don't want just sex
anymore, why don't you see that?"
"I see that." Tony moved above him, just a little, making Maxxie moan,
hypersensitive after his recent orgasm. "I also see that the sex is great.
Better even than before. And I like you. This time, I know you. I've read you
before, I can do it again. This time, I'll do everything right, I promise. I
won't beat anyone up for you; I won't…"
"What? Fuck someone where I can see it? Give me something I want just to take
it away again? Fucking what, Tony?" Maxxie slapped his shoulder. "Stop trying
to distract me, it's not going to work, no matter how far you've got your cock
up my ass."
Tony kissed him then.
"We're not doing this shit again."
"Okay."
"You're not proving anything to me."
"Fine."
"Tony, you can't –"
"All right."
"Get off me now. I need to have a shower and make a call."
And this time, Tony moved. Slowly extracted himself, cracked a few joints,
stood there in all his naked glory, letting the sun shining in through the
window put him in a good light. But he didn't leave, and when Maxxie returned
from the shower, he'd started making dinner.
"I hate you," Maxxie said, throwing his hands up. "I really do."
"Yeah." Tony shrugged. "'s the next best thing to love, or so I've heard."
"Like you'd know anything about love," Maxxie snorted, downed the rest of his
iced tea – warm now, disgusting, like the aftertaste after a night of
incredibly bad sex – and went to get the phone.
He didn't hear Tony's reply, wasn't interested, and the pan was sizzling
loudly. And if he'd had heard it – which he didn't – it wouldn't have been any
concession of any kind. And if it had been… what were the chances of it
actually being the truth?
 
~*~
 
The End.
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