Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8867062.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      SKAM_(TV)
  Relationship:
      Even_Bech_Næsheim/Isak_Valtersen, One-sided_Jonas_Noah_Vasquez/Isak
      Valtersen
  Character:
      Isak_Valtersen, Even_Bech_Næsheim, Jonas_Noah_Vasquez, Eva_Kviig_Mohn,
      Sonja_(SKAM)
  Additional Tags:
      Light_Dom/sub, Unrequited_Love, Grinding, Panic_Attacks, Marijuana, Age
      Difference, guys_isak_is_such_a_precious_baby_in_s1, now
      imagine...s1!isak/even, Protectiveness
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-12-16 Updated: 2017-02-13 Chapters: 5/? Words: 14450
****** baby face ******
by realityiwanted
Summary
     What if Even had met Isak during his first year at Nissen?
     [ABANDONED]
***** 1:11 *****
Chapter Summary
     Isak is having a panic attack in a bathroom when he meets Even.
Chapter Notes
     Before people get mad, I swear I'll update the 'adoring him' series
     eventually. Inspiration struck and I had to write this down! I
     started rewatching S1 and when Elvebakken was mentioned I realized Oh
     Yeah, Even exists in this universe at the exact same time. The age
     difference is already hot but baby season 1 Isak with older Even is a
     concept that needed to be materialized.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Isak is in love with his best friend.
His name is Jonas and when he smiles Isak can feel his entire body tingle in a
way that it should tingle when he looks at girls. God knows, he’s tried.
Countless hours of staring at soft breasts and softer faces, trying to get hard
before giving up. He doesn’t get the appeal, but he can still see why Jonas
loves Eva.
She’s beautiful and funny and one of his best friends but he can’t help but
hate her sometimes. His resentment feels like acid in his throat whenever he
sees them together but he pushes it down because he never had a chance anyways.
Still, he can’t resist sticking his paper in between their faces when he sees
them leaning in for a kiss.
“What’d you guys get on the paper? I got a 5.”
“I got a 5+.”
“What about you Eva?”
Isak knows she has trouble with school but he can’t miss an opportunity to
tease her. It makes it hurt a little less.
===============================================================================
It’s a Friday and Isak and Jonas are going to see Kindred Fire. Honestly, Isak
had forgotten about the tickets until Eva had asked Jonas to go to the party
with her. It felt like his jealousy possessed him when he reminded Jonas that
they had to skip the party Eva wanted to go to for the concert. He ignored the
annoyed look Eva shot him and tried to convince himself that he just really
wanted to go see Kindred Fire.
The hall is filled with bodies and the smell of weed and sweat clings to
everything like a perfume. Isak tries to lose himself in the music, but he lets
himself drift too much and when he looks to his side, Jonas is gone.
Without the comforting bump of Jonas’ shoulder against his, the concert hall
feels all too small.
It’s too hot, there’s a girl pressed to his back, an elbow in his stomach, and
Isak can’t breathe.
He turns himself into a ram and rushes through the crowd, pushing through
bodies until he reaches the periphery. He’s dizzy and his breath is coming out
in short punched out breathes. He spots the exit, lit up in red and barrels
through. The hallway is empty, everyone still in the pit since it’s only the
beginning of the concert.
He finds the men’s bathroom and immediately goes into a stall and starts to
gag. Nothing comes out so he sits down on the floor, head between his knees,
trying to stop the tremors.
The cold of the bathroom floor and the silence helps slow his heart and
eventually he gets up and goes to stand in front of the sink. He’s pale and
clammy so he starts to wet his face.
He hears someone come in behind him but ignores it, It’s probably some drunk
idiot looking to piss.
He lets the water cool his overheated face before turning to get paper towels.
The most handsome guy Isak has ever seen is standing in front of the dispenser.
He’s tall, taller than even Isak. And Jonas he notes, something warm curling
into his stomach at the thought.
Isak can feel his eyebrows raise into his hairline as he watches the boy slowly
and methodically unroll an entire roll of paper towel. Only when the boy is
done does he look at Isak, like he’s only just noticed him. His aloofness makes
Isak feel every year his age.
“Did you need some paper towels too?”
Isak stares at him, not sure how to react. His heart is still pounding,
panicked from the crowd and now because of this boy.
The boy looks at him before he seems to notice something and he softens.
Isak can’t help but flinch when a warm hand is pressed to the back of his neck
and he’s pulled closer, unable to look away from those blue eyes.
“Hey, are you okay?”
His tongue feels like sandpaper in his mouth.
“It’s…you know..too many people…”, He trails off. He hasn’t gotten tongue tied
like this since he met Jonas. He gestures weakly at the door the concert hall
is behind.
“It was just too much.” he says flatly, ashamed now. God he’s such a baby. This
boy had probably been to tons of concerts. Enough that Isak having a panic
attack at his first one was probably pathetic.
“First concert huh?”
Isak nods mutely, looking down in embarrassment.
“Hey.” Isak feels his chin being pulled back up and nearly jerks in surprise.
“Don’t worry about it. The same thing happened to me my first time in the pit.”
Isak finds that hard to believe. The boy was the picture of composure. Calm,
charismatic,…and so, so handsome.
“I’m Even.”
“Isak.” He pushes out.
“Do you wanna get out of here?”
“And do what?”
Even pulls out a blunt from behind his ear and raises his eyebrow playfully.
“I promise It’ll help you relax.”
Isak highly doubts that. Everything about Even makes him nervous like he might
fuck up at any moment and lose his attention.
“I’ve never smoked before.”
“Well then tonight will be a night of firsts.” Isak can’t stop himself from
blushing until he remembers that this is the real world. In the real world, hot
guys that Isak likes are not interested. He reminds himself, Not everyone is
gay Isak, no matter how much you’d like them to be.
So he ignores the comment, “Where do you want to go?”
“There are some benches outside. Come.”
Even walks past him, heading for the door. Isak follows until they reach the
outside of the concert hall. There are a few dingy benches where Even sits,
pulls the blunt out and lights it.
Isak inhales, too sharply as he tries to mimic Even’s smooth draw.
He can’t stop himself from coughing furiously, which makes Even laugh, one of
his hands coming up to rub his back.
“So who did you come with?”
“Jonas. My-“
“Boyfriend?”, Even finishes coolly.
Isak feels all the blood rush to his face with panic, “No! My friend. I’m not
gay or anything!”
Even hums, taking another drag like he doesn’t believe him. Isak appreciates
that he doesn’t challenge his lie, it makes Isak want to tell him the truth.
The pot makes his eyes red and his tongue loose and before he knows it he’s
speaking again.
“I do like him though. I like him so much but he’s in love with a girl.”, he
whispers it quietly. He’s never admitted it aloud.
It’s quiet for a moment, the only noise being the harsh hum of the concert.
Even moves closer to him, his thumb presses into Isak’s neck, soothing and
warm.
“Fuck him then. If he can’t see what’s right in front of him then fuck him.”
Isak is taken aback by the conviction in Even’s voice. His jaw is actually
clenched. Isak feels confused but also good when he realizes that Even is
actually pissed on his behalf. He quickly changes the subject.
“Where do you go to school?”
Even relaxes, going with the flow. “I’m a third year at Elvebakken.”
He’s older than him. Isak suddenly feels shy, he’s never talked to a 97’
before.
“I’m a first year at Nissen.”
Even passes him the joint and Isak tries not to cough again. He fails
miserably.
“Wow. You’re really bad at this huh?”
Isak laughs indignantly, “Excuse me? Bad at this? I’m the master of smoking
pot.”
He inhales again just to prove that he can before having another coughing fit.
Even laughs at him but still rubs his back. Despite Isak’s coughing they manage
to finish the joint. Eventually Even tosses it, crushing it under his foot.
“Are you ready to go back now?”
Isak can hear the band revving up for the last few songs and the crowd’s
screaming getting louder. He almost nods until he remembers all the bodies
crushing him, suffocating him.
“I’ll stay with you until you find your friend.” Even’s arm curls around him
pulling him to his side. “I’ll keep you safe from the crowd.”
Isak freezes before he realizes he’s teasing.
“Shut up.” He pushed his arm away, immediately wanting it back around him.
“What you think I would abandon a lost 14 year old kid in a crowd?”
Isak huffs to cover up the slight hurt at Even’s words. He doesn’t want Even to
see him as an annoying kid he has to watch out for, he wants him to see him
as…more.
Isak steps closer, jutting out his chin, trying to look more mature. “For your
information, I’m 16.”
Even pauses, giving him a heated look. Isak can feel his cheeks flush at the
intensity of those eyes until he realizes why. Even is looking at him the way
Jonas looks at Eva. He almost flinches when one of Even’s big hands threads
itself in his hair, pulling his hair back. It’s hard not to moan.
“You’re a baby.”
Isak wants him to say it again. He wants Even to hold him down and call him
baby.
Even’s eyes fall to his lips like he knows what Isak is thinking before he
turns, leading the way back into the concert hall. When they get inside, Even
falls back, walking behind Isak to shield him from the mass.
The crowd is overwhelming but less so with Even at his back, serving as a
buffer. He looks back a few times to make sure Even hasn’t ditched him and is
met with intense blue eyes, always watchful.
He lets out a grunt of pain when an elbow pushes into side. It’s gone a second
later, Even pushing the offending arm away to blanket Isak’s back with his. He
can hear Even’s low voice in his ear, their bodies pressed together because of
the crowd.
“Watch where you’re going.” His voice is hard and stiff.  Isak can feel his
hands on his hips, thumbs pressing into his pelvis to keep him close and it
makes him want to press back and grind on Even while the boy holds him still.
The man who elbowed Isak yells something inaudible at them before disappearing
into the sea of bodies.
“Fucking asshole.” Even grumbles, more to himself than Isak before his voice
loses its anger.
“Are you okay?”
Isak nods, not bothering to scream over the crowd. He can feel his entire body
blush when one of Even’s hands runs gently over his side where the bruise is
likely forming.
He can’t help himself from whimpering when Even pulls up his shirt and lays a
hand on his stomach. He hopes Even doesn't hear it but from the amused huff in
his ear, he did.
Isak feels safe like this, his entire body held together by the points where
Even holds his hips and his stomach. He lets his head fall back to rest on
Even’s shoulder. He loves that Even is taller than him, that he can do this.
“Dance with me.” Even says lowly.
The music’s gone slow now, the concert is almost over. Even sways with him
lazily, his hips grinding small circles into Isak. Being moved in whatever way
Even wants makes Isak heady. He’s never felt this wanted before.
He doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing. He hasn’t even touched a cock that
wasn’t his own before. But he knows all he wants right now is to have Even’s
cock pressed inside him. He wishes they were somewhere private, somewhere
quiet, so Even could pull away the clothes separating them and just fuck him.
They’re not alone so Isak has to make do. The pot is making his head foggy but
he has enough sense to grind back. The groan Even lets out into his ear makes
his eyes wet and his body lax. Even’s hands on his hips are firm, pressing his
cock in between Isak’s cheeks.
“Fuck, baby.” Even whispers in his ear.
Isak doesn’t want this moment to end. He just wants to stay like this, small
and insignificant in Even’s arms.
“Isak!”
Isak jumps, pushing Even away from him in shock. He winces when Jonas hugs him
roughly. His cock is still hard against his leg and being pressed to another
guy isn’t helping things.
Jonas is drunk enough that he doesn’t notice.
“Man, they were amazing! Where the hell did you go? I lost you after like the
third song but man, I met the hottest girl, she’d be perfect for you”, Isak
tries not to roll his eyes.
“And-who is this guy?”
“This is-“
“Even. Nice to meet you.”, he’s just as charming as ever but Isak can’t help
but notice his jaw clenching and his hand, curling into a fist. It takes Isak a
second to realize that Even’s probably figured out who Jonas is. Fuck.
“I met him in the bathroom.” Isak says like that explains anything.
Jonas smiles, still drunk, and for the first time, it doesn’t make Isak’s
stomach bunch up into knots. “Cool. Hey man, I’m Jonas.”
They shake hands and it’s too awkward for Isak to stand.
“Ok. We should get outta here right? Your mom will be pissed If we get home too
late and wake up your sister.”
Jonas looks down at his phone, “Right. Fuck, it’s already 1.” He walks past
Isak and Isak moves to follow him until Even grabs him by the wrist.
“I’ll meet you outside.” Isak says when Jonas shoots him a weird look.
The people are starting to drain out the hall, a few stragglers are left but
other than that it’s just him and Even.
He turns to Even who hasn’t looked away from him since Jonas showed up.
“That him? The guy that you like.”
“Yeah that was him.” Isak says, confused now.
“Well now I feel better.”
“Why?”
“I thought I’d have some actual competition for you.”
Before Isak can respond Even kisses him hard, both hands curling around the
nape of his neck, pulling him in closer. Isak can’t help but moan when Even
slips him some tongue, tasting him on the most base level. He lets out a whine
when Even breaks away to breathe. Even presses their foreheads together just
staring at him before nudging his nose with his. All Isak can do is pant wetly
into his mouth, his eyes heavy.
“When you’re ready, call me.”
Even presses a kiss to his forehead, his cheek, and then gently on his mouth
before letting Isak go and walking out.
It takes Isak a few moments to calm down. Later, when he goes outside to meet
Jonas he slips his hand in his pocket and finds a piece of paper with Even’s
phone number on it.
Chapter End Notes
     Please leave comments, they remind me to keep writing for you lovely
     people.
***** 2:11 *****
Chapter Summary
     Isak calls Even.
Chapter Notes
     Finally done! This took way to long to write because I was really
     nervous about disappointing all you lovely people.
     Trigger warning for some off screen sexual harassment but it's not
     between Isak and Even.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“Hello?”
“Even?”
Isak hates how tiny his voice sounds but the sound of Even’s deep voice
immediately makes him feel smaller.
He doesn’t know what possessed him to call a guy he had met once at a concert
in the middle of the night but it was too late now.
“Hi.” Isak says, more conscious of how pathetic he sounds.
“Are you okay?" Even asks quickly, always perceptive.
“Yes-no? I don’t know.” Isak says honestly. He pulls his knees to his chest,
holding his phone between his head and his shoulder.
“That’s not very reassuring.” Even teases lightly, but Isak can hear a hint of
seriousness in his voice.
“I’m up at Krokskogen for the weekend. At a friend’s cabin. I just thought it
would be fun you know?”
“And you’re not having fun?”
Isak shakes his head before remembering Even can’t see him.
“Stupid fucking Jonas invited his asshole friend and put us up in a room
together.” Why is he even telling Even this? He suddenly feels so stupid he
could die. “I’m sorry, I know it’s like two in the morning and you probably
don’t give a-”
“Isak,” Even stops him. “You can always call me, I don’t mind. I did tell you
to call me when you were ready.”
Isak blushes at what that had entailed. The memory of Even, cock pressing into
him, forcing him to grind back, would have made him hard, if he wasn’t
freezing.
“You did.” Isak says lamely.
“So why did Jonas invite this guy if he’s such a dick? I thought he was your
best friend.” Even says pointedly.
“He is!” Isak says defensively. “The asshole-Elias-he’s Jonas’ weed guy which
is the only reason he’s up here.” He trails off unconvincingly at that, not
even believing himself. He’s the one outside alone while Elias is out on the
patio with Jonas smoking up. As if on queue, he hears a loud laugh from the
cabin. The sound brings a lump to Isak’s throat that feels suspiciously like
tears.
“I don’t know okay?” he says thickly, aware of how close he is to crying. He
hopes Even can’t tell.
There’s a pause and all Isak can hear is Even breathing. He wants to say,
please don’t hang up, but he can’t. Even doesn’t owe him anything.
“Where are you?”
“I told you at the cabin.”
“I meant the address, Isak.”
“Uh…I think 9 Fururabben street?” Isak says, confused now.
“Stay there. I’m coming to get you.”
Before Isak can reply, Even hangs up.
Isak isn’t sure if Even is actually serious but there’s no way he’s going back
inside the cabin. So instead he sits on the curb, in the dark, letting the cold
seep into his bones. It’s almost enough to numb him until he hears Jonas’
familiar voice coming from inside. Most likely laughing with his new best
friend Elias over how much of a drama queen Isak is. He doesn't know how long
he sits there until he starts to fall asleep, his head on his knees.
He jumps when bright lights and the rolling of tires interrupt his sulking.
Holy shit. Even actually came.
When Even steps out of the car and walks towards him he’s illuminated by the
headlights which makes the entire moment feel all the more surreal.
God, he looks good.
Even’s eyes take him in, his curled up legs, the dirty jeans, and his green
hoodie before his eyes harden and he offers him a hand. Isak takes it
tentatively and barely holds back a squeak when Even pulls him up and straight
into his arms.
“Jesus, you’re freezing.” Even hisses, running his hands down Isak’s upper arms
and then back. It burns where Even touches him but Isak can’t help but curl
into the sturdy warmth of his chest.
“They just left you outside?” he sounds almost angry now, his hands moving to
cup the still cold nape of Isak’s neck.
“They didn’t kick me out.” Isak says quietly, uncomfortable with how worried
Even looks. “I got into a fight with Elias and I just didn’t want to be there
anymore.”
“That’s still not an excuse for letting you stay out here in the cold for-how
long have you been out here?” Even asks. His hands have moved to Isak’s waist,
rubbing at the cold exposed skin between his hoodie and his pants.
Isak whimpers at the contact which only makes Even more insistent, his hands
hiking up Isak’s sweater higher to rub at the cool dip of his waist.
His hands tremble when he pulls his phone out of his pocket to check. Oh man,
he hadn’t even realized he’d been out here that long.
“Around 2 hours.” he says blankly.
“Fucking assholes.” Even mutters under his breathe and before Isak knows what’s
happening he’s being herded in Even’s car.
When Even tries to actually buckle him in, Isak slaps his hand away.
“I can’t just leave!”
“Well you can’t sleep on the street in October either so I guess we’re at an
impasse.”
Isak can’t help but frown at Even, feeling forced into a corner. He knows Even
is right, he does.
He just isn’t used to people actually giving enough of a shit to basically
force him to take care of himself. It feels strange and makes Isak’s skin itch.
Even just gives him an amused look, eyebrows raised, but he still doesn’t move
from where he’s blocking the car door.
“I’ll take you home. Jonas-”, Even says his name so bitterly, it makes Isak
want to jump to his defence but he stays quiet. “-can bring your stuff back
when he comes down on Monday. Unless you think you can deal with his asshole
friend for the weekend?”
The thought of going back in there and facing them both after what Elias did to
him, and what Jonas didn’t do to defend him, brings the lump back in Isak’s
throat.
He looks down, shaking his head wordlessly. Even’s hand catches his downturned
chin, pulling it up and running a thumb over Isak’s cool cheek. Isak can’t help
but close his eyes at the contact.
“Don’t cry over him, Isak. He’s not worth it.” he says and it sounds like
comfort.
Isak nods, drowsily pushing his face into Even’s hand. Even sighs at that,
ducking his head to brush back Isak’s hair and press a kiss to his forehead.
When he shuts the car door, the bang brings Isak back to his senses. What is he
doing? Getting in a car with a 97’ he met once? In the middle of the night? He
feels off kilter and more out of his element the more the warmth from the car
seeps into him.
Even gets in beside him, starting the car and pulling out and then they’re
gone. Isak vaguely thinks he sees someone, Jonas maybe, in the rear view
mirror, waving at them in confusion. He doesn’t let himself hope for that but
instead turns to look at Even who’s focused on the road.
He knows he’s obnoxiously staring but he can’t look away. Even doesn’t seem to
mind.
After a while, Isak softly asks, “Why did you come to get me?”
“Because you asked.” Even says lightly, like that’s the only reason he needed
to drive out in the middle of the night to pick up a boy he hardly knew.
“But I didn’t?”
“Calling me, sounding the way you did? It was implied.”
“How did I sound?” Isak says self consciously thinking back to the cringe
worthy phone call.
Even pauses like he’s struggling for words before he says, “Like you wanted me
to come save you.”
Isak falters. Even’s honesty makes Isak feel bashful in a way he just isn’t
with anyone, not even Jonas. It’s unfamiliar and makes him feel fragile, like
Even can see everything.
Before Isak can reply, there’s a loud bang and then the entire car swerves to
the left. Isak screams for a few short seconds, until Even breaks the car
sharply. His seatbelt presses into his chest, throwing him back into the seat,
leaving him breathless. They both pant for a second, trying to breathe again.
Isak’s blood is still rushing in his ears when Even says, “I bet you’re happy I
made you put your seatbelt on now.”
“Oh my god, shut up.” Isak says almost hysterically but he can’t help but laugh
at Even’s comment, the adrenaline still pumping.
Even laughs too but his eyes give him away when they dart from Isak’s head to
his chest that’s still rising quickly.
“I’m fine.” Isak says shyly, “Go check what’s wrong with the car. I’m shit with
them.”
Even is still annoyingly composed as he gets out of the car, coming around on
Isak’s side to check the tire.
“Fuck.” Even says, his voice muffled from under the car. “The tire is gone.”
“What do you mean the tire is gone?” Isak says indignantly. This cannot be
happening. This is literally how horror movies are made.
“I mean it’s gone, it's blown out, probably because none of these roads are
paved.” Even says matter of fact, like they’re not stranded on a dirt road in
the middle of the night. On a weekend.
“You have got to be kidding me.”
Isak is still a little high from smoking with Elias and Jonas and he can feel
the paranoia setting in. Images of him and Even freezing to death, getting
killed by an axe murderer, or getting eaten by cannibals (They obviously only
hunt for stranded travellers at night) jump in his head in increasingly vivid
colour.
His breath is coming out more sharply now and he can hear Even curse and open
his car door.
“Hey.” Even is grabbing his neck, until their foreheads are touching. “Calm
down. I still have a full tank of gas so we can leave the heat on and just
sleep in the car. In the morning I’ll call someone to tow the car and we’ll be
back in Oslo by tomorrow afternoon. Is that chill?”
With Even breathing into his mouth, hands on Isak’s neck, eyes only on him;
it’s hard for Isak to panic. Despite his drug induced paranoia he knows in his
bones that Even wouldn’t let anything happen to him.
“It’s chill.” Isak says quietly, letting Even soothe him.
“Good.” And before Isak can react, Even is kissing him gently. It’s different
from the last time, not aggressive like he needs to prove something, but
languid like Even has all the time in the world. Isak moans when Even pulls his
tongue into his mouth before pulling back.
When Isak whines at the loss of contact, Even kisses him on the forehead and
then the cheek before stepping back.
“Get in the back. I have blankets in the trunk.”
Isak crawls through the small space between the seats while Even goes outside
to get the blankets. The small moment gives him a chance to mentally freak out.
Even had just kissed him. Him and Even were going to sleep, alone, together, in
his car for hours. Was Even expecting something? Should he be expecting
something?
Even pushes the seats back for himself but coaxes Isak to lie down
horizontally, his legs strewn across Even’s lap.
“But shouldn’t we both lie down?” Isak says innocently but then he blushes when
he realizes how that sounds. Even gives him a heated look, one of his hands
curling around Isak’s ankle.
“Well, if you insist.” he teases, moving to lie down, which would put him right
over Isak. But that’s when Isak flinches.
Even stops his hands falling from Isak’s ankle and he immediately wants those
hands back. It’s not you he wants to say but instead he says, “I’m sorry. I
know you drove out here in the middle of the night but I don’t want to, what I
mean is-“
I’m not ready for sex, goes unsaid.
Even stops touching him completely now, sliding Isak’s legs off his lap. He
looks pissed.
“I never expected anything from you, Isak. Never.”, he sounds angry now but
Isak can’t tell if it’s at him. The thought makes his chest tight because he
can’t stand the thought of Even being angry at him. Even, who comes when he
calls. Even, who wants to save him and calls him baby.
He needs to explain.
Isak sits up abruptly, till him and Even are nearly bumping foreheads. He
hesitates but then he’s grabbing Even’s big hands with with own. “Elias said I
should take the floor. He said it wasn’t fair for him to have to sleep with the
‘gay guy’.” Isak’s eyes burn at the memory.
“I told him to go fuck himself obviously and he said…” Isak pauses, “…he said
I’d probably like that and he tried to…grab me.” Isak says carefully, glossing
over the ugly details. Elias’ cruel hands on his hips pulling him on to his lap
and him laughing as Isak struggled. Logically, he knew Elias wasn’t going to do
anything. He wasn’t gay, he was just an asshole. Still, all he can remember is
the panic he felt at someone touching him like that and Jonas doing nothing.
“I know he was high, we all were.” And Isak doesn’t need to say who he’s
talking about. “But he just laughed, he thought it was so funny.” Isak says and
then he lets himself cry. The tears are hot on his face and make him want to
hide but he can’t with Even holding his hands firmly in his.
Even moans sadly when he sees Isak’s tears, like he can’t stand to see them. He
brushes them away with his fingers before pinning Isak to the seats. His heavy
weight between Isak’s legs is comforting but also arousing. He lets out a small
moan when Even pushes closer to him, inadvertently forcing his legs to wrap
more firmly around Even’s waist. If Even notices, he doesn’t react.
“Baby, please don’t cry.” He says quietly and there’s that word again. It only
makes him cry harder. He feels all the more fragile with Even’s eyes on him,
only ever on him, thumbs trying to catch every single tear.
“Why?” Isak says, sniffling.
“Cause it makes me want to figure out a way to get this car back up that hill
so I can kick his ass for touching you.” Even says lowly.
Isak laughs wetly. Even is so ridiculous. “You can’t just say things like
that.”
“Why not?” Even says seriously, too seriously, and it makes Isak pause.
“Because you don’t mean it.” The thought of Even beating up Elias is something
out of one of Isak’s more embarrassing fantasies.
“But I do.” Even leans in closer so their foreheads are touching, and Isak’s
heart wants to beat out his chest, “Mostly I want to beat the shit out of Jonas
for not taking care of you.”
“I can take care of myself. I don’t need Jonas to fight my battles for me.”
Isak says defensively, unable to let Even insult his best friend, even now.
“You love him.” Even says simply, “And he treats you like you’re not important
when you’re so-“, Even lets out a groan of frustration and he’s kissing Isak
again, hard, with his hands in Isak’s hair.
Isak moans helplessly feeling overwhelmed but also safe, pinned here under
Even.
Elias’s touch had felt so wrong, it made Isak’s skin crawl. But Even’s warm
hands on his hips, makes him feel like liquid.
Isak gasps when Even pulls back, breathing heavily into his mouth.
“You’re so precious. Everything about you.” He says forcefully, all the more
honest for it. “That’s the first thing I thought when I saw you in that
bathroom looking all panicked. I just wanted to get you out of there.”
He'd wanted to save him, Isak thinks highly now, his eyes getting wet at the
thought, but not from sadness.
Isak can feel Even’s hardness against his ass and he tries to grind back which
makes Even groan before his hands make Isak’s hips still.
“Not tonight.” Isak tries to ignore the sting of rejection. Even doesn’t give
him much time to feel it because he’s immediately kissing Isak’s wet mouth
again, combing his curls back and out of his eyes.
“You don’t want to do this right now.” Even says, and he’s right. That doesn’t
change the fact that Isak has a boner and Even is right there.
When he frowns at Even, he just smiles before settling himself over him till
Isak’s head is cradled carefully in the crook of his neck.
“Sleep. I’ll stay awake until you fall asleep.”
It should feel uncomfortable, being curled up under Even with those eyes
intensely watching his every breath, fingers running through his hair, but Isak
feels undeniably safe.
In that moment, he sleeps.
Chapter End Notes
     I considered adding some smut at the end but this is my more
     Realistic Series and I want their relationship to progress more
     naturally.
     And yes, I had to google map cabin areas that are close to Oslo so
     the addresses are not just me making up Norwegian gibberish.
     Please post your thoughts, I can't get to them all but they do
     motivate me to keep writing. It's nice to know that people are
     enjoying what I write.
***** 4:11 *****
Chapter Summary
     It's been two weeks and Even still hasn't called Isak back.
Chapter Notes
     Sorry for the late update guys! I wasn't sure where I wanted this to
     go originally because Isak only has two very brief scenes in 3:11 and
     4:11. I decided to jump forward to 4:11 and I will be doing that from
     now on depending on how much Isak is in a canon episode.
     Trigger warning for a mild panic attack.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Isak tries to avoid making eye contact with Jonas who is pointedly ignoring
him, and going in on Eva about her new russ bus.
They haven't talked about what happened at the cabin. Jonas had just walked up
to him in class on Monday and casually asked how he got home. Jonas knew his
dad was mostly absent and his mom was too unstable to drive. Still, Isak didn’t
want to tell him about Even. He wanted to keep him solely Isak’s, like keeping
the memory of Even’s hands on his hips and breath in his mouth, a secret would
make Even his.
So, he had shrugged and said a friend had come up to get him. Jonas knew he had
no other friends besides him and Eva but he didn’t press. Isak wasn’t sure if
it was because he didn’t care but the thought makes something that feels like
anger burn in his chest.
Isak isn’t even sure if Even cares about him. He still hasn’t called since that
night. When Isak had woken up in his car, he was in the passenger seat again,
wrapped in a blanket with one of Even’s many hoodies rolled up under his head.
The car had been awash in gold light from the street lights and it had only
made Even look all the more dreamlike. Isak vaguely remembers staring at Even
with blurry eyes and whining until Even had pulled over. Isak can still feel
him pressing kisses to his hair and telling him to “Go back to sleep baby.”
Isak’s not sure that part hadn’t been a dream.
When he’d woken up the second time, they were in his driveway, Even sleeping in
the driver’s seat next to him. Isak let himself stare at Even’s striking
sleeping face for a few moments until he’d sighed and brought Isak back to
reality. Isak shyly kissed Even’s cheek, before silently slipping into his
house. Even had done enough without having to literally walk him to his door.
His car had been gone before Isak’s parents woke up.
Isak would have kissed him more, and longer, if he knew it was going to be the
last time. At this rate, it’s going to be. His fingers nervously flutter over
his phone again, checking to see if anyone-well Even, had called. He tries not
to visibly deflate when he sees the familiar blank screen with no
notifications.
He obviously fails because Jonas nudges his shoulder, looking down at him in
concern.
“Hey man, are you alright?”
Isak nods looking down and away. “Yeah, just my mom texting me.”
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah she’s fine.”
“Are you sure? Cause I can always come by if you need any help.”
But you can’t help me when I actually need help and you’re there?, Isak wants
to spit back but he swallows his words instead.
“Seriously Jonas, it’s fine.”
Eva looks up now from her phone, stopping her furious texting. Even she hears
the bite in Isak’s voice there.
Isak barely stops himself from flinching when Eva knocks her knee against his.
“Hey, if you need anything you know we’re here, Isak. Always.”
Isak laughs at that and it comes out too mean, too honest.
“That’s funny Eva, really.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Jonas says sharply and it makes Isak
flinch. Jonas is always so calm but when it comes to Eva he immediately has to
jump to her defence. Not like Isak, who Jonas is perfectly fine letting Elias
harass.
“It means that you can’t say you’ll be there for me and then ditch me when I
actually need your help. That’s not how it works.” Isak says flatly.
Jonas lets out a low annoyed noise, rolling his eyes, like Isak is acting crazy
and he hates that it makes him feel ashamed.
“Seriously Isak? You’re still pissed about Elias? He was joking man.” Jonas
shakes his head in exasperation, “You really need to get over it.”
“Elias? What did Elias do?” Eva asks, confused now, but both of them ignore
her.
Isak gets up, moving away from Jonas. He’s always hated fighting with him but
just thinking back to that weekend is making his fists itch like he could
really hit him.
“You let him call me gay all weekend then you let him- grab me and just laughed
about it. You didn’t even care.” Isak says quietly and he can feel the familiar
burning of tears behind his eyes. He blinks them away because if he gets
hysterical now, it’ll only prove Jonas right.
“He was kidding!”
“He scared me okay!?” Isak yells back and Jonas looks taken aback for a moment.
Fuck, he’s said too much.
Isak suddenly feels like he can’t breathe with Jonas looking at him like that.
Like he’s actually seeing Isak for what he is. Something slight and breakable.
“Isak-“
“I’m going to go.” Isak cuts him off, he doesn’t know what stop this is and he
doesn’t care. When he gets off he can distantly hear Eva yelling his name but
he just walks faster, his face burning.
The frigid air feels good on his hot face but his breath still feels like it’s
coming out in gasps. He stops for a moment, pressing his face to the cold metal
of the bus stop pole and lets himself breathe.
The cold helps his heart slow and eventually, he opens his eyes. God, he
doesn’t know how he’s going to face Jonas and Eva after that. He’s always tried
to stay chill in front of them, never wanting either of them to suspect how he
feels about Jonas. Yelling at both of them, in public, is so far removed from
that he can’t even believe he let himself do it.
Fuck, he needs to get a grip. He looks down at his phone again because this is
all Even’s fault. Maybe if he called, Isak would be able to relax for two
seconds. His phone stays annoyingly blank.
He looks around for a moment trying to find the bus schedule until he realizes,
fuck – He got off at Elvebakken.
He should really go home. He should get on the bus and delete Even’s number and
never think about him again. Instead, he walks up and then into the school
because he has no self control when it comes to Even.
The school is mostly quiet, save for a few stray people in the halls so Isak
wanders, eyes darting around nervously, trying to catch someone’s eye.
Eventually, he makes eye contact with a blonde girl who’s sitting on the floor
and painting a banner. She looks kind enough, so Isak awkwardly sidles up
waiting for her to notice him.
“Yes?” She says, eyes looking up at him curiously. “Can I help you?”
“Yeah, actually.” Isak says, “Do you know where I can find Even?”
“Even?” the girl repeats oddly.
“He’s a third year. Really tall?” And hot, Isak wants to say but he stops
himself.
The girl hums, looking him over again before she answers, “I know who you’re
talking about. He should be in the room at the end of the hall, photography
club right?”
“Yeah. Photography club.” Isak says dryly. The girl turns away, clearly
dismissing him, and that’s fine with him.
Isak walks down the hall and gives himself three seconds to brace himself
before he opens the door. The room is empty save for a huge desk and a wall of
pictures.
God, of course he’s not here. School ended hours ago, he’s such an idiot. The
embarrassment of going to Even’s school to find him after clearly being dumped
is starting to settle in. He’s about to go home and delete Even’s number,
probably cry for a few hours, when he hears that familiar low voice.
“Isak?”
Seeing Even in day light, after only seeing him under the smoky lights at the
concert and the shade of night is terrifying. He looks brighter here, and more
handsome for it. Suddenly, Isak doesn’t know what he’s doing. What would
someone like Even want with Isak?
“I’m sorry.” Isak says, humiliation turning his face pink. “I shouldn’t be
here.” And he’s turning to leave, to let Even get back to his life
when big hands curl around his hips and pull him back.
“Hey.” Isak almost whimpers when Even’s fingers cradle his face, pushing his
hair back. “Where are you going?”
After not having Even touch him for weeks, Isak feels drunk under his hands.
When Even nudges his nose against his, questioningly, Isak realizes he’s
waiting for him to speak.
“I don’t even know what I’m doing here to be honest.” Isak says and it comes
out breathy and fast. Even smiles, like Isak’s nervousness is somehow charming.
“Try me.”
“I got into a fight with Jonas.” Isak says quickly. He can already see Even’s
expression darkening at Jonas’ name so he doesn’t mention what or rather, who,
the fight had been about. “I was so pissed at him, I got off the bus without
looking and I ended up here so I just thought I should come see you because…”
Isak trails off awkwardly his voice getting smaller, “You never called back.
After the thing at the cabin.”
Even’s eyes fall to his mouth and for the first time ever, he won’t look Isak
in the eyes.
“Was it something I did?” Isak asks and he hates how vulnerable it makes him
sound. He sounds like a stupid girl asking her boyfriend for his approval, like
Eva.
Even shakes his head defiantly before Isak can finish asking and then he’s
pressing small pecks to his mouth, they’re hard but obviously meant to soothe.
Isak melts under him, his mouth opening to meet Even’s. Even groans in surprise
before letting his tongue slide into Isak’s wet mouth, kissing him hungrily
now. When Isak whines for air, he pulls back to speak.
“No, no. It wasn’t you. You’re perfect Isak.” Isak’s eyes flutter at that and
Even notices. “You didn’t do anything wrong baby.” Isak can feel himself blush
all the way to his ears at the familiar word.
Even sighs in frustration, his hands falling from Isak’s face to his hips.
“It’s me. I’m not good for you.” He says and it’s the stupidest thing Isak has
ever heard.
“But you’re the only thing that makes me feel good.” Isak says softly and it
makes Even’s hands reach lower, for his thighs, pulling him up and then on to
the empty desk behind him. When Even steps between his legs Isak can’t help but
let his legs wrap around him, pulling him closer.
Even leans in so their foreheads are touching, his voice deep when he whispers
into Isak’s mouth, “You can’t just say things like that.” It takes Isak a
moment to realize he’s mimicking Isak’s words from that night.
“Why not?” Isak says, his voice high now.
“Because it makes me want to fuck you.” He says bluntly and god, Isak wants.
“But I can’t do that.”
“Why not?” Isak asks again, getting desperate now. With his hand on Isak’s
nape, Even pulls him close to suck a bruising kiss into the curve of his neck.
Isak whimpers and clutches his back, wanting Even to keep going, to stop
talking about ‘cant’s’ so this moment can go on forever. Even eventually breaks
away from Isak’s neck to press a kiss to his forehead as Isak pants against his
chest. When Isak’s thinks he can breathe again, Even presses his thumb to the
bruise on Isak’s neck and it feels like a brand.
“You deserve someone who can take care of you. Someone who can take you on
dates and meet your parents.”
“I want that to be you.” Isak says and it comes out like a plea.
“It can’t be me.” Even says and it’s said so bluntly and without hesitation,
Isak feels the tears that have been simmering since his fight with Jonas start
to fall. After hours of wet kisses and reassurances, Even's rejection feels
like slap. When Even sees them his own eyes get wet, like he could cry. Isak
doesn’t understand why Even is looking at him like that when he’s the one
breaking Isak’s heart.
“Baby.” Even says throatily and then he’s kissing him again, hands cupping his
face while Isak cries into his mouth. This time, it feels like a goodbye.
Isak can’t bring himself to let go, so he clings to Even’s chest and lets the
boy who just broke his heart try to quiet him. He wants to remember the feeling
of Even’s lips on his forehead and his strong hands rubbing circles into Isak’s
back.
“I meant what I said you know.” Isak looks up sniffling. Even’s eyes soften at
that and he brushes away Isak’s tears with his thumbs. “You’re precious, Isak.
Anyone would be lucky to be with you.”
Then why don’t you want me?, Isak wants to ask.
Instead he says, “I should go.”
Even nods but neither of them pull away, both of them fixed on each other.
Even’s hands dart across his face, pushing back blonde curls and cupping pink
cheeks like he’s trying to remember Isak for the last time. Isak can’t stand
it, so when his finger presses to Isak’s pink mouth he lets it go slack and
open.
“Fuck.” Even hisses lowly before he pushes a little harder until Isak suckles
the finger into his mouth. His eyes are fixed on Isak’s mouth and Isak doesn’t
want him to look away. He moans around the finger when Even pushes deeper, and
suddenly Isak wishes there was something else in his mouth.
“Even!?”
They both jump at the voice, Even quickly pulling his hand away from Isak’s
mouth.
The door is thankfully jammed shut but the owner of the voice bangs it again.
“Are you finished? We have to get to your appointment at 5.”
Even curses before he slides out from between Isak’s legs, like he hadn’t just
been fucking his mouth with his fingers, and walks over to open the door for
the blonde girl Isak had talked to before.
Isak’s waist feels cold from where Even had been holding him but it’s nothing
compared to how his entire body freezes when Even wraps his arm around the girl
and says, “Isak, this is my girlfriend. Sonja.”
Chapter End Notes
     Don't hate me! Even is a lot more protective of baby!Isak than canon
     Isak and just wants to protect him (from himself).
     And yes, Jonas is slowly starting to get a clue but It'll be slow
     going.
     Also, I don't know if you guys are gonna notice but Even totally lied
     about not having an extra tire. Isak is so love struck he doesn't
     realize that no one came to fix their car, Even just started driving
     at sunrise. Considering all the compulsive lying he does in canon to
     get Isak alone I thought this was realistic lol.
     Please leave reviews! I can't get to them all but I love hearing what
     you guys think for when I get to writing future chapters. Or you can
     harass me on twitter @karlymarxx so I don't forget to update.
***** 7:11 *****
Chapter Summary
     Isak tries to forget Even.
Chapter Notes
     This is mostly an action chapter with Isak making some very bad
     choices because he's hurt.
     Trigger warning for mild panic attack.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Isak can’t remember everything that happens after Even says those words.
He vaguely remembers Even looking at him with worried eyes and Sonja introduces
herself to him. Before he has time to step back and away she shakes his hand,
while he tries to hide the fact that his is trembling.
He can’t remember what excuse he offers, his eyes fixed on the floor so he
doesn’t have to see Even’s arm around her.
He shoves past them, heart pounding, his legs moving fast, and then he’s
running, just so he can get away from the image of Even and Sonja together.
Isak doesn’t remember how he gets home. But when he does, he let himself cry,
and then sob, because Isak should have known.
In Isak’s world, guys that he likes don’t like him back. He should never have
let himself forget that.
When he falls asleep that night, he wears Even’s hoodie, the one that he’d
given him to pillow his head that night in the car, and he tries to forget.
===============================================================================
It’s been weeks since then. He still sees Jonas and Eva in the halls but he
skirts around them, always watching but never touching. Jonas has tried to talk
to him but Isak forces himself to make excuses and ignore texts.
He doesn’t want to think about that day, he wants to pretend it never happened.
He’s doing a good job avoiding them until Eva sits next to him at the skate
park, arm already on his like she knows he’ll try to run again if she lets go.
“Hey.” She says timidly.
“Hi.” He replies flatly.
After a moment she asks, “How are you?” before visibly cringing. “Ok, that’s a
stupid question.”
She tries again, “We’re really worried about you. I feel so bad about what
happened and Jonas really misses you Isak.”
“It’s not your fault Eva, it’s Jonas.” He shrugs, “I don’t care about the
fight, seriously. He’s the one who can’t let it go.”
“Let what go? He still hasn’t told me what happened at the cabin that made you
so upset.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Isak-”
“Eva,” He repeats, harder now, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
She stops at that, finally letting go of his arm so her hands are in her lap.
The silence between them is uncomfortable, both of them looking away, trying to
find words. When Eva suddenly lights up, waving across the park Isak follows
her line of sight and sees Jonas. Jonas doesn’t see him so he waves back at
Eva, face dimpling.
“So you and Jonas are doing better now?” Isak says coolly, trying not to hide
his annoyance under nonchalance.
“Oh yeah.” She blushes prettily, looking down at her mitts. “I guess we are.”
And for a moment, Isak hates her.
“That’s actually what I wanted to talk about. I don’t know who else I can say
this to. You know you’re my closest friend.” She rubs her knees nervously and
eventually pushes out, “I fucked up with Jonas.”
Isak can’t help but perk up at that. It soothes something raw inside him that
wants Eva to be just as miserable as he is right now.
Why should Eva get to have Jonas when Isak can’t have Jonas or Even?
She shakes his arm. “I’m serious Isak. If I tell you this, you can’t tell him,
it could ruin our relationship.”
The acid bitterness he’s been forcing down since her and Jonas started dating
is in his throat when he leans over, smiles, and says, “I promise I won’t tell.
You know you can tell me anything Eva.”
===============================================================================
Eva hooked up with Penetrator Chris.
If Isak wasn’t so shocked, he’d congratulate her. He briefly considers telling
Jonas, but then he remembers the way Jonas looks at Eva, the careful touches
and the tender kisses and he decides, it’s not enough.
Jonas loves Eva too much to break up with her over this. He needs to be a
little more creative.
He sees Iben at lunch, laughing with a group of girls that all look mostly the
same. Pretty but a little too cold, a little too unapproachable. It’s a good
thing he doesn’t like girls, otherwise this would be hard.
“Hey, can we talk?”
She gives him a weird look but nods before stepping to the side. When he points
at an empty classroom her eyes narrow but she follows.
“You’re dating Chris right?”
“Yeah? Why does that matter to you?” she says shortly, eyes looking him up and
down, judgmentally. “You’re just a first year.”
“Good observation.” Isak says dryly. When she just raises an eyebrow at him,
tapping her foot impatiently, he continues.
“Look, I don’t care about your boyfriend. But I care that he hooked up with
Eva.”
“Eva!?” She almost yells before remembering they’re at school and instead
turning around, and kicking a desk.
She fixes him with an angry, suspicious look. “How do you know? And why do you
care?”
The lie comes easy. “Well I’m here boyfriend so she confessed to me. She didn’t
want me to hear it from someone else.”
Isak knows that hearing it from someone else is going to destroy Jonas and Eva,
just like it’s destroying Iben.
She looks like she wants to scream again but she just nods and pushes past him,
her face like a storm.
Jesus, girls were scary.
===============================================================================
He thinks that telling Iben, planting the seed for the end of Eva and Jonas,
will feel good. Instead, he just feels tired and hollow.
He sees them, kissing before he starts walking home. Eva is laughing into
Jonas’ neck, pressing kisses there while Jonas whispers something in her ear.
They were going to be ruined, and it was all Isak’s fault.
When Jonas looks up for a moment, making eye contact with Isak, he forces
himself to look away, like Jonas will see the guilt on his face if he stares
too long.
So, after he gets home he lets himself float. He scrolls through Facebook and
watches Netflix until it’s just noise. Eventually he’s left staring at his
wall, wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets and Even’s sweater, when his phone
buzzes with the first notification he’s gotten in days. His heart threatens to
lurch out his chest when he sees the name.
Even (21:10)
Yeah, yeah, let’s pour some cherry wine
Everything’s good, everything’s fine
Yeah, yeah we bring it every time
Yeah, pour a little cherry wine
Yeah, Hey yo Salaam, yea, I think they know the time
Everything’s good, everything’s fine
Yeah, pour a little cherry wine, yeah
Life is good, life is good, yeah
Life is good, no matter what
Life is good, life is good
Life if good, yeah
No matter what
Life is good
After a moment his phone lights up again.
Even (21:14)
Man who was just like me
I heard he is hiding somewhere I can’t see
And I’m alone
And I realize that when I get home
When I wanna go to my red and my cherry
Yeah-oh-oh-ooooh
The man who was just like me
Cause I know he was hiding somewhere I can’t see
And I’m alone
And I realize when I get home
That I wanna go to my red and my cherry
Isak’s fingers tremble as he traces the lyrics on the screen. What is Even
doing?
At the same time, his door creaks open and he starts, sitting up quickly. His
Dad hasn’t been home in days and his Mom won’t walk to the bathroom, much less
Isak’s room, on a bad day. It’s been a bad day for awhile.
He squints as the light from the hallway leaks into his room and then he
finally realizes; it’s Jonas.
Of course Jonas would choose to use his emergency key during their first and
only fight.
Isak turns back around, pulling his blanket around him pointedly. He wants
Jonas to leave but more than that, he doesn’t want Jonas to see him like this.
“Isak?” Jonas tries, fingers reaching out and resting on one of his exposed
ankles. Isak flinches at the contact and Jonas immediately pulls his hand away.
Isak defiantly keeps his wet eyes on the white wall in front of him. He’s not
going to give Jonas the satisfaction of seeing him cry. It’ll just be another
thing for him to add to the already long laundry list of why Isak is a baby.
But then Jonas says, “Issy?” and god, Isak has to look at him then because
Jonas hasn’t called him that in years.
Jonas’ face falls when he sees the tears tracks under Isak’s eyes so Isak
closes them. He doesn’t want to be looking at Jonas’ face when he laughs at him
again. There’s a moment where Jonas doesn’t do anything until Isak feels the
bed shift and Jonas’ weight lie down beside him.
Isak could almost fall asleep, lulled by the sound of Jonas breathing, when he
breaks the silence.
“I’m sorry.”
Isak’s eyes open at that, staring at Jonas in surprise.
“For the shit with Elias and then the shit on the bus.” Jonas tugs his curly
hair in frustration.
“I talked to Eva. About what Elias did to you at the cabin and how he’d been
treating you all weekend and she yelled at me about it.”
Eva had yelled at Jonas for him? And for it, he betrayed her so he could feel
better about being alone. The guilt makes his face flush with shame.
“It wasn’t okay. I shouldn’t have let him call you gay and I definitely should
have kicked him out when he touched you.” Jonas struggles for a second his face
going dark as he takes in his own words, before he looks Isak in the eyes, “If
he had tried that shit with Eva I would have kicked his ass and I should have
done it for you too.” And then his thumb is rubbing one of Isak’s tears away
and it’s so unfamiliar for them but so familiar, because that’s what Even
always used to do, that Isak starts to cry.
Jonas hugs him immediately and it’s clumsy and awkward with his hands trying to
wipe Isak’s face and also rub his back. Isak doesn’t care.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry.” Jonas says quickly, almost like a panicked reflex. Isak
knows Jonas must be freaking out but he can’t bring himself to stop so he lets
Jonas hold him until the tears dry. When Isak’s gone still and quiet, Jonas
starts to stroke his hair.
“Hey man, this is a little gay.” Isak jokes, even as he leans into the warm
touch. It’s been so long since someone’s touched him. The last warm touch had
been Even’s hand on his waist and he can barely remember it now.
Jonas snorts and says, “Who cares?” and Isak loves him again. It’s a warm
feeling, familiar, but so different from how Isak wants Even.
“Do you remember the guy from the concert?” Isak says bravely. It’s somehow
easier for the words to come out with Jonas running his hands through his hair.
“Yeah I think?” Jonas says slowly, like he’s trying to figure out how that
relates to Isak’s embarrassing cry fest. “Tall guy.” Jonas looks down at him,
considering, “What was his name again?”
Isak doesn’t realize he’s holding his breathe until he exhales sharply and
says, “Even.”
Saying Even’s name out loud to someone that truly knows him is scary, and makes
him feel all the more real.
“We had a thing.” He adds warily.
Jonas doesn’t stop combing Isak’s hair. “Wow. An older guy?” Isak nods against
his neck, still bracing for a reaction, any reaction.
After a pause Jonas says, “He’s good looking.”
“What!?” Isak snorts, sitting up. Relief makes his face break out into an
incredulous smile. “What are you even saying?”
“I don’t know!” Jonas laughs, “What am I supposed to say?”
Isak can feel almost hysterical laughter bubble in his chest as him and Jonas
laugh together for the first time in what feels like months.
When the relief has tempered out into something less feverish and Isak’s face
has stopped hurting from smiling, Jonas raises his eyebrows and asks, “So,
what’s the deal with him then? Are you guys together now?”
“No? I don’t know.”
“How can you not know?” Jonas laughs but he stops when he sees Isak’s lowered
eyes.
“He said he can’t be with me because he’s bad for me. And on top of that, he
has a girlfriend.” Isak can feel his breath catch when he remembers them
standing together, Even’s arm around her. They looked so perfect. “She’s really
pretty.” He says, more subdued now.
“But since he told me that he’s been texting me lyrics.” Isak adds, knowing how
pathetic it sounds. Jonas doesn’t have a visible reaction, always the neutral
party, but he stiffens at that.
“Give me your phone.” Jonas says making a grabbing motion. Isak throws it to
him, laying down while he scrolls through the verses Even’s sent him.
“Nas lyrics? Who the hell is this guy?” Jonas hands his phone back to him,
“Seems like a player.”
“He’s not like that.” Isak shoots back heatedly. Jonas gives him a weird look
and Isak realizes, yeah, he probably shouldn’t be defending the guy who made
him fall in love with him and then dumped him for another girl. But he can’t
help it.
No matter what he did, Isak could never hate Even.
They both jump when his phone buzzes against the headboard. Isak grabs it
quickly before Jonas can.
“What does it say?”
“It just says, ‘What are you doing right now?’”
“Just say ‘chilling at home’.”
“Okay.”
“And tell him ‘Stop playing games. Break up with your girlfriend or stop
texting me.”
“That’s a little harsh.” Isak’s stomach rolls at the thought of sending
something so rude to Even. “Can I add a smiley?”
“No smiley. Be straight up, then you’ll know if he’s being serious.” Jonas says
earnestly.
Ok fine, he can be straight up. So he lets himself text the words and
immediately turns his phone over like that will unsend it.
“There, it’s done.”
“Good.” Jonas claps his shoulder. “He’s gonna call, trust me.”
They sit there for a few moments, both of them avoiding eye contact the louder
the silence gets. Isak looks down at his phone but it stays embarrassingly
blank. He’s so stupid. Why did he think Even would care when he already told
him he didn’t want him?
Jonas looks over at him and must see Isak’s disappointment because he sighs and
pats his head. When Isak sniffles, he moves closer.
“Come here.” Isak lets Jonas pull his head to his chest and rub his back.
“He’s an asshole, Issy.” He says and Isak wants to say, No, you’re wrong, but
he feels too raw, too disappointed, to defend Even one more time.
It’s weird, weeks ago Isak would have killed to have Jonas hold him like this.
Now, lying here with him, Isak doesn’t feel anything until he closes his eyes.
With his head under Jonas’ chin, Isak can almost imagine that Jonas is someone
bigger, someone warmer.
The house is mostly quiet other than sound of Jonas’ breath hitting the top of
Isak’s head when the doorbell rings once, and then twice. Jonas groans at the
sharp noise, bringing up a hand to cover his ear.
The doorbell rings again before the person starts knocking on the door. It gets
more aggressive after a few seconds.
“Jesus, who the hell is it?” Isak rolls out of bed, Jonas following close
behind him. “Did you invite someone?”
“No. You know you and Eva are my only friends.” Isak bites back. He pushes
aside the white curtains from the side window, expecting to see his Dad, he’s
always forgetting his keys, but instead he sees the side of slicked back hair
and the back of a familiar denim jacket.
This cannot be happening. He can already feel the blood rushing to face and his
heart starting to pound in his throat.
Jonas notices and catches his shoulder, “Who is it?”
“It’s Even.”
Chapter End Notes
     Sorry to all the Jonas haters but he's my baby so I went a little ham
     on the Josak this chapter. He just needed Eva to kick his ass into
     shape. And yes, the Jonas/Even confrontation is finally gonna happen!
     Let's just say neither of them have really great opinions of each
     other right now. Jonas is feeling especially protective after having
     to comfort Isak and Even obviously isn't gonna be thrilled to see
     Isak with another boy in his bed. Translation, shit hits the fan.
     If you wanna remind me to update you can hmu @karlymarxx on twitter.
     Please leave reviews, I love reading your kind words.
***** 8:11 *****
Chapter Summary
     Even comes over. It's a dream come true until it's not.
Chapter Notes
     Trigger warnings at the end note because they contain spoilers.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Isak feels like he’s frozen in place. He only jumps into action when Jonas
shoves past him and heads for the door.
“What are you doing!?” he hisses theatrically, like Even could possibly hear
them from outside.
“I’m giving him a taste of his own medicine. Come here.”
Isak gives Jonas a weird look but shuffles closer, yelping when Jonas grabs him
by the arm so he can mess up his hair.
“Man, what the hell?” Isak swats his hands away, indignant.
“It’s fine.” Jonas says, stopping once Isak’s hair is sufficiently ruined. 
Isak’s sad reflection stares back at him in the mirror hanging in the kitchen
and he wonders how the hell he got here.
“I really don’t understand what messing up my hair is going to do.” Isak says
dryly.
Jonas gives him an incredulous look, “Come on Isak, keep up.” And then he’s
pulling Isak under his arm and opening the door before he can stop him.
“Hi. Even right?”
Even looks amazing as ever, hair perfectly coifed, with a joint behind his ear.
It doesn’t look like Isak’s absence has affected him at all. Isak is suddenly
conscious of his own tear stained face and the fact that he’s been wearing the
same sweatshirt for two days. He can feel his throat gets dry when Even’s eyes
very obviously trail up Isak’s body before settling on his face, taking him in.
When he sees Jonas his face falls and settles into something colder. Isak’s
only ever had Even look at him kindly so seeing such a dark expression on his
face is unnerving.
Even finally breaks the silence, “Yeah, I’m Even. And you’re Jonas.” It doesn’t
come out like a question. Isak’s talked enough about him for Even to know who
he is on sight, not that Jonas knows that.
“I just wanted to talk.” He says, this time to Isak. Isak can’t help but shift
nervously when Even turns that intense gaze on to him. For a second, it feels
like Jonas isn’t even in the room.
Before Isak can answer, Jonas is cutting him off. “I don’t think that’s a good
idea.”
What the hell is he doing? Isak turns wide eyes to Jonas, his arm around his
shoulders suddenly feeling a brace.
He tries to shrug off Jonas’ arm and Even notices, his jaw clenching.
“And why should I care about what you think?” Even says coolly. Isak is
reminded of how tall Even is when he steps closer to Jonas, looking down at
him.
“You should care because I’m the one who’s going to kick your ass If you hurt
him again. Look at his fucking face man.”
Isak avoids eye contact with Even, focusing on the wall behind him, but he
knows Even can see his red eyes and the tired slope of his shoulders that’s
been there for weeks. He wants to turn away so he doesn’t see.
“No because you don’t hurt him at all, you just let your homophobic friends
feel him up, right?”
“Oh my god.” Isak looks up at the ceiling so he doesn’t have to look at either
of them. He can’t believe this is happening. When he looks back Even’s eyes are
fixed on his puffy ones and he has to look away in embarrassment.
Jonas looks frozen, like Even’s words are a physical blow.
“Jonas, I think you should go. Can we talk later?” Isak pleads, tugging on his
arm.
Jonas isn’t even listening, still stuck on Even’s words. “You know I’m sorry
for that Issy.”
Even’s eyebrows raise and furrow at ‘Issy’ and oh, that’s what Jonas meant
about giving him a taste of his own medicine. He’s usually so composed, even
that slight reaction is enough to embolden Isak.
“I know you are.” He says quietly, half honest and half baiting when he reaches
out and grabs Jonas’ arm, “And I forgave you already.”
“You forgave him?” Even interrupts incredulously, his deep voice betraying how
pissed he is. Isak remembers Even’s anger at the cabin when he found Isak half
frozen and later in the car when he told him what Elias did, and he realizes,
this isn’t just about jealousy.
“Yeah he did.” Jonas says snidely, like he hadn’t just been begging for Isak’s
forgiveness a minute ago.
Even looks deflated now, his eyes falling to Isak’s hand on Jonas’ arm. Isak
thought he would like it, making Even feel the way he has for the past few
weeks, but it feels wrong.
“Seriously though, Jonas. Talk later?”
Jonas checks his phone, his brow furrowing before he looks up at Isak and nods.
“Fine I’ll go. But if you need anything, text me.” And then Jonas is hugging
him. Even doesn’t say anything, but Isak can see his jaw clench and his hands
curl in his pockets like he’s consciously holding them still so he doesn’t do
something stupid.
Isak nods against Jonas’ shoulder hastily, hoping he’ll let go quicker. “Okay I
will.” When Jonas pulls away from the hug he looks over at Even, before running
a hand through Isak’s hair. Then he pushes past Even rudely, before finally
leaving, and Isak thanks all the gods he doesn’t believe in that Even doesn’t
try to push him back.
With Jonas gone, it feels like all the air has been sucked out of the room.
Jonas and Even meeting was scary. Isak and Even talking alone somehow seems
even more daunting than that.
Isak looks down at his shoes, wringing his hands in front of him to calm
himself down. He knows when he looks up, Even is going to be looking at him.
He’s afraid of what he might do. Mostly, he’s afraid he’ll cry, again.
He opens his mouth to speak but the words get stuck, like his mouth is full of
cotton.
He manages to get out a breathy, “I- “, before he’s in Even’s arms and he can
breathe again.
Isak can feel his entire body tense before he sinks into Even’s chest, his
forehead pressing to his neck. After weeks without Even’s touch, his firm arm
around Isak’s waist is the only reason he hasn’t fallen to the ground.
For a second, he just lets himself breathe Even in. He smells like clean
laundry and something earthy and warm.
“Were you crying because of me?” Even asks gently. The words are intimate when
they’re whispered in the small space between them in Even’s arms. It’s all too
heady for Isak who has to rest his forehead against Even’s chest for a few
moments to relax, before he can speak again.
“It wasn’t just because of you.” Isak says evasively, looking down, but then
Even’s tilting his chin up and kissing his puffy eyelids, like that will erase
the hours Isak spent crying before today.
“Still.” His thumbs dig into the curve of Isak’s jaw, “I’m sorry.”
Isak wants to say, It’s okay, but it’s not, so he just nods.
“Do you want to come upstairs?”
Even looks taken aback for a second and Isak blushes when he realizes why.
“Not for that!” he says quickly his voice high, “Just to talk.”
Even’s eyes are molten and warm when he kisses Isak’s forehead and says,
“Whatever you want.” And isn’t that a summary of their relationship? Even only
ever takes as much as Isak is willing to give.
Isak leads Even up the stairs awkwardly, trying not to look him in the face so
he won’t see how truly nervous he is.
He’s never had a boy, a real boy he could kiss, in his room before.
Even stops when he enters Isak’s room which makes Isak conscious of the pile of
dirty clothes by Even’s foot and the papers scattered on the floor.
“Sorry.” Isak says quickly moving to pick the clothes off the ground, and shove
them somewhere, anywhere, when he notices that’s not what Even’s focused on.
He’s looking at the two person sized dent in the duvet from where Jonas and
Isak were lying earlier.
It doesn’t make any sense, Even shouldn’t care and Isak shouldn’t have to
explain but he feels the need to, like he’s been caught.
“Jonas was just…well he came over and-” And then Isak is yelping, clothes
falling to the floor because Even is picking him up. Isak expects Even to throw
him on the bed like in a shitty romance movie, but he lowers Isak gently before
settling over him.
He’s always so gentle with him.
Even leans in till he’s just breathing in Isak’s mouth and says, “Hello.”
They’re so past ‘hello’ at this point, the absurdity of it all makes Isak
laugh. Even smiles back his eyes crinkling and then they’re both laughing in
between soft pecks. When he’s breathless, Isak smiles and says, “Hi.” And then
Even’s kissing him harder, tongue pressing into Isak’s mouth sweetly until his
eyes start to roll back. When Even pulls away to suck a bruise into his neck,
Isak lets his head fall back and holds on.
“Did you let Jonas do this to you too?”
“What?” Isak asks, confused, and still hazy from Even’s kiss.
“Tell me.” Even says and then he’s hitching Isak’s legs up higher, till Isak’s
knees are almost pressed to his chest.
“Even...” Isak can’t help but moan timidly, he can feel Even’s cock pressed up
against him, just like it had been in the car. Only this time, Even isn’t
stopping.
“Did he touch you here?” Even’s thumbs trace Isak’s hipbones, slipping under
the band of his boxers. It’s the closest he’s ever gotten to Isak’s cock and he
can’t help but whimper at the contact, his eyes fluttering.
Even looks smug, and his fingers trace a little lower, a little more daring now
that he knows no one’s touched him. His grip on Isak’s hips feels possessive
and Isak pushes into it, tilting his head up for attention.
“Nobody has.” Isak says, throaty and too honest, “I only ever want you to touch
me.”
Even groans at that, biting at Isak’s neck hungrily as he slides his hands into
his pants, cupping his ass and digging his fingers in.
Isak whimpers at the contact, desperately pushing back in to those big hands
because he wants Even to touch him everywhere.
“You’re so sweet.” Even pants into his mouth and then his thumb is pressing
lower, between Isak’s cheeks through the fabric, “You want it so bad.” He
doesn’t even have to ask, because Isak is already drooling, his eyes heavy
lidded as Even plays with him.
“Off Even, take them off.” Isak whines, nudging Even with his leg, still clad
in skinny jeans. In a second, they’re pulled down past his thighs.
Even struggles to get Isak’s pants off his skinny ankles and it makes Isak
giggle. His laugh turns into a moan when Even presses a wet kiss to the inside
of his thigh, before finally pulling his pants off.
“God, those pants are terrible. You look amazing in everything but they’re two
sizes too small, Isak.” Isak tries to look offended but Even’s right.
“Hey it’s not my fault, they’re Jonas’ old pants” Isak says without thinking.
They’re an old pair Isak borrowed on a camping trip over two years ago but Even
doesn’t know that.
“I thought you said nothing happened?” Even says stonily, his hands still on
Isak’s hips. His thumbs dig in greedily and Isak isn’t sure he likes the
change.
“You’re not allowed to be jealous when you have a girlfriend.” Isak says rudely
and then everything stops.
Even pulls back, his hand resting beside Isak’s head so Isak is bracketed
inside Even’s arms. Isak tries not to shrink under his intense gaze.
Isak’s expecting him to get up and leave, to tell Isak he’s with Sonja and that
Isak just has to deal with it. Instead he says, “I don’t have a girlfriend
anymore.”
Isak is certain he’s heard wrong until a few moments pass and Even doesn’t rush
to correct himself.
“Really?” Isak asks dumbly, hating how hopeful he sounds.
Even nods fondly, thumbing at the corner of Isak’s mouth. Isak only just
realizes he’s fighting back a smile.
“Yes, really.”
And then he’s kissing Isak deep, his tongue pressing into his mouth. Isak can’t
help but whimper into it, feeling overwhelmed and consumed by Even.
His legs part like water when Even pushes between them again, pulling his
boxers off, and leaving him exposed.
Isak instinctively cringes, trying to close his legs, so Even won’t be able to
look at his soft thighs or his hard cock, but Even won’t let him.
“Even…” Isak whines but Even doesn’t look away, his eyes staring at Isak’s body
like he wants to memorize it.
“Beautiful.” He says like it’s a fact, “You’re so beautiful baby.”
“Fuck.” Isak says, and then Even’s kissing his jaw, and trailing kisses down
his body. Isak lets out a sharp cry when Even presses a dry kiss to his nipple
before going down further and settling between his open thighs.
Even kisses his inner thighs, smiling against them when he feels Isak shiver.
And then without preamble, he’s sucking Isak’s cock. Isak’s hips almost seize
off the bed but Even holds him still and makes him take it.
“Oh my god Even.”
The hot, wet heat is so much Isak can feel tears start to spill down his
cheeks.
Even pulls back then, his thumb rubbing Isak’s thigh, soothing him.
“Hey, I’m right here, Isak.”
Isak nods frantically, tears still clouding his vision.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No, no.” Isak pants, “I just want you up here with me.”
Immediately Even is kissing him and Isak feels better like this, safe under
Even’s warm weight.
“Let me try something else okay?”
Isak nods into the next kiss. Even can do whatever he wants to him.
Still kissing Isak, Even leans down and slides his hand down the head of Isak’s
cock before going lower, and lower still, until he’s pressing one long finger
inside of him.
Isak moans, high and loud, at the new feeling.
“You’re so pretty Isak, look at you.”
Isak opens his eyes staring at Even blearily, then he realizes Even isn’t
staring at his face but between Isak’s legs, where Even is stretching him open.
His gaze is almost reverent when he looks back at Isak’s face, stroking his
rosy cheek.
“No one else has touched you here.” He says, and his voice has gone deep with
want. He wants Isak. The thought makes Isak’s entire body blush because Even
wanting him, is something out of a fantasy. But then Even’s fucking his fingers
into Isak and Isak can’t pretend this is anything but real.
Isak cries out when Even adds another finger while pressing a tender kiss to
his forehead.
“Hmm?” Even says and Isak realizes he’s waiting for an answer.
Isak tries not to whine when he says, “You know I’ve never been with anyone
before.”
Even’s eyes go dark at that, his fingers curling inside him and Isak thinks
maybe, he could let this boy have everything.
They both jump when a loud bang, like a body hitting the floor, comes from the
hallway. Even instinctively leans in to cover Isak’s body, pulling him under
him. After a moment Isak hears his Mom’s familiar voice and he relaxes.
“It’s just my Mom.” Isak says, pressing a kiss to Even’s cheek. Even turns into
the kiss, smiling, but then there’s another bang from outside.
“I’ll go check on her.” Isak says quickly. Even carefully pulls his fingers
from Isak before rolling to the side and letting Isak stand. Isak’s legs shake
as he pulls on his boxers so Even holds his hand, making sure he doesn’t fall.
Another bang comes from the hallway like clockwork. This can’t be happening.
Not right now, of all times, after nearly two weeks of silence. “I’ll be right
back.” Isak says shortly, kissing Even on the cheek before quickly walking to
his Mom’s room.
Her room is in the far corner of the house, on the first level so she can’t
throw herself off anything. Her door is closed when Isak knocks on it but he
can hear the familiar banging noise from inside.
“Mom?” Isak tries weakly. She doesn’t respond but there’s another loud bang and
Isak has to open the door.
Isak is always taken aback by how scary she looks, familiar blonde curls
tangled in a nest on her head and her face, always bruised from banging into
the walls. She’s convinced that she’s being kept prisoner and she needs to
escape. No matter how many times Isak tells her the door has no lock and that
she can leave whenever she wants, she doesn’t stop.
Today she’s crying, her face flushed and her eyes puffy. Isak sees the same
eyes in the mirror everyday.
“Isak you need to help me; they won’t let me go.” She weeps, banging on the
white wall again. The plaster has already given way from her throwing her body
against it and a big hole stares back at both of them.
Isak doesn’t bother to ask who won’t let her go. Last week it was Donald Trump,
two weeks ago it was the aliens. At least she doesn’t think Isak is holding her
prisoner this time.
“No one’s keeping you prisoner, Mom.” He says gently trying to rub her
shoulder. She screams loudly at that pulling away from him. Isak can feel
himself start to panic, there’s no way Even didn’t hear that.
“Mom please, please calm down.” Isak tries again, reaching for her free arm.
But that’s when her arm recoils and comes down, hitting Isak’s face and sending
him to the ground. The slap isn’t very hard, all things considered, but Isak
can’t help the hysterical tears that bubble out of him when he shakily presses
a hand to his burning cheek.
Her eyes are still blank and unseeing but when she sees Isak’s tears she seizes
like she’s come to life. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Isak.” She wails, trying to
grab Isak’s shoulder, to pull him back down on the floor with her, so she can
check his face. All Isak sees is her hand coming down when he flinches and
pulls back. His Mom’s face crumples at that and she falls to the floor, moaning
and rocking herself.
Isak wants to comfort her, hold her, and tell her he’s fine. But with his face
still burning from her slap, he can’t find the strength. That’s when he looks
up and sees Even standing in the doorway, his eyes hard and fixed on Isak’s
face, but more so on his red cheek.
It’s like a nightmare, perfect Even standing there while his crazy Mom curls
further into herself on the floor, crying and apologizing to no one.
When his Mom starts to reach out to grab him again, this time going for his
ankle, Even crosses the room quickly, putting his body between them like a
shield. One of his big hands cup Isak’s face, pulling his gaze away from his
Mom so all he sees is Even.
“Isak, look at me.”
Isak is staring at Even but all he can see is the wall behind him, his eyes
going unfocused with panic.
“Baby, look at me.” Even tries again, this time softer, his thumb pressing
insistently to Isak’s lower lip.
Isak’s lips part instinctively at the word, he can’t ignore Even when he calls
him that. Even smiles when he sees the recognition in Isak’s eyes but his hard
eyes give him away. Isak lets himself go pliant when Even tilts his face to the
side, rubbing a soothing thumb over his stinging cheek. Still, he can’t help
but flinch at the contact and that’s when Even’s smile drops.
“I want you to go to your room and stay there until I come get you.”
“Even- “
“Go, please.”
Isak lets Even steer him towards the door by the hips, giving him a gentle
nudge into the hallway before closing the door behind him. Isak just stands
there for a moment, listening for noise, maybe his Mom screaming or Even
calling out for Isak’s help. All he hears is silence so eventually, he goes to
his room.
Sitting in the same spot Even was just touching him, only now without Even and
with a bruised face, is like waking up from a dream. His Mom going crazy and
having an episode the first time he has a real boy in his bed; that’s his
reality. Isak clutches the pillow Even had been lying on and lets himself
breathe in deeply for a few embarrassing seconds, just to ground himself.
When he hears the door start to open he considers throwing the pillow but
instead, he only holds it tighter. It might be the last time Isak gets to smell
Even considering the shit show he just had to deal with.
Even doesn’t look hurt or scared like Isak was afraid of, instead he looks pale
and angry which is somehow worse. Isak never wants Even to be angry with him.
“I’m sorry.” Isak says in a small voice and then like a sick parody of his Mom
only minutes before, he starts to sob. They’re not the silent tears he’s used
to, hidden under the shade of night when walking home or under the covers while
his Mom moves around the house at all hours, but painful and loud wails.
Before he can blink Even is on the bed with him, lying down and pulling Isak to
his chest so he has something to hold on to. Isak lets the pillow fall from his
grip so he can clutch the real thing.
Even shushes him and runs his fingers through Isak’s hair. He’s not gentle like
he usually is, but firm and protective. Isak leans into the steady touch,
trustingly.
“What are you sorry for baby?” Even’s kissing the shaking wet bow of his lips
before Isak can answer, “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
“But I do.” Isak sniffles wetly, reaching up to wipe his cheeks. Even beats him
too it, wiping away the tears with his fingers. “I never wanted you to see her
like that. I never wanted you to see any of this.”
“Does she get like that a lot?” Even asks softly but all Isak hears is, What’s
wrong with her? Are you like that too?
Isak doesn’t want Even to think he’s anything like his Mom so he spits out,
“She’s fucking crazy.”
Even’s fingers in his hair stutter for a moment before continuing, “How so?”
“I don’t know she’s been like this since I was a kid. My dad doesn’t want to
take her to the hospital, he’s convinced she’s going to get better.” Isak feels
a rush of anger at his Dad, for leaving Isak alone with her, but mostly for his
hopefulness. She’s never going to get better and they both know it.
“I love her but sometimes-” Isak stops himself, “Sometimes I wish she would
just disappear.”
Isak keeps his eyes on Even’s collarbone, afraid to look up and see Even judge
him, or worse hate him.
“Does that make me a bad person?” He asks hesitantly, his voice still wet with
tears.
After a long pause Even says, “No.” and Isak’s entire body relaxes.  Even is
kind and gentle and good and if he says Isak is good, then he has to be right.
“You’re only human Isak.”
Isak doesn’t even need to tilt his head up before Even is kissing him, deep and
familiar. Isak could kiss a million people and still recognize Even’s kiss. He
smiles into it before letting his puffy eyes close as he settles against Even’s
chest.
Before, safety was clutching his Mom’s skirt or holding Jonas’ hand on the
first day of school. Now, when he feels long fingers combing through his hair
and strong arms around his waist, he knows he’s safe.
For the first time in weeks, Isak falls asleep in seconds.
When he wakes up, Even is gone. 
Chapter End Notes
     Trigger Warning: Child Abuse, Ableism, Ableist Language
     Please comment if you enjoyed! Don't skewer me too bad in the
     comments for being the worst (I know it's been awhile since the last
     update) and also for hurting baby Isak.
     You can reach me @karlymarxx on twitter if you want to talk or bully
     me into writing. <3
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