Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/10987068. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage Category: M/M Fandom: Gravity_Falls Relationship: Stanford_Pines_&_Stanley_Pines, Filbrick_Pines/Stanford_Pines, Filbrick Pines/Stanley_Pines Additional Tags: Fan_Comics, Childhood_Sexual_Abuse, Parent/Child_Incest, Dissociation, Heavy_Angst, Abusive_Filbrick_Pines, NSFW_Art, Depersonalization Series: Part 1 of Fildick_AU Stats: Published: 2017-05-24 Completed: 2017-06-21 Chapters: 35/35 Words: 0 ****** a dream in static ****** by Godtater_(Karaii) Summary I had a dream where Stan and I were on a huge boat. But then a storm came, and our boat turned over! I lost sight of Stan. I was engulfed by water. I think I drowned. (This is not a happy story.) ***** Content Warning ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes [content warnings] Chapter End Notes I will be adding cw: to the beginning notes of each chapter. Please read carefully and take care of yourselves. If at any point you feel overwhelmed, please, PLEASE take a break from reading, or stop reading entirely. This is NOT a happy story. But it IS a fictional one. That being said: here we go. ***** Ground Zero ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: noncon parent/child incest, oral sex, grooming, violent child abuse Drawn May 15, 2017. ***** Fault ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: implied child abuse, unintended victim blaming, sadness Drawn May 15, 2017. ***** Work ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: sadness Drawn May 16, 2017. ***** Request ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: dubcon parent/child incest, oral sex, sadness Drawn May 17, 2017. ***** Share ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: implied sexual child abuse, sadness Drawn May 17, 2017. ***** Dream ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: bed wetting, sadness Drawn May 17, 2017. ***** Shower ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: child abuse, sadness Drawn May 17, 2017. ***** Drown ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: violent child abuse, sexual assault, watersports/piss kink, dehumanization, dissociation Drawn May 18, 2017 ***** The Rat ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: child abuse, child trauma, animal cruelty, dissociation Drawn May 19, 2017. ***** Hatred ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: violent child abuse, implied noncon parent/child incest Drawn May 21, 2017 ***** Monster (Stan's Side) ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: noncon parent/child incest, extreme dissociation Drawn May 22, 2017 ***** Monster (Ford's Side) ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: violent+graphic noncon parent/child incest, implied noncon sibling incest Drawn May 25, 2017. ***** Mom ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes A bit of a time skip. Drawn May 19, 2017. ***** Funeral ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: minor character death Drawn May 22, 2017. ***** Funeral (after) ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: dubcon parent/child incest ***** Runaway ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: sadness ***** Midnight ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: dubcon parent/child incest ***** Carla ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: gasp! consensual heterosexual encounters!! ***** Violence ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: graphic violence, slurs ***** Repercussions ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: referenced parent/child incest, slurs, sadness ***** Prodigal Son (Stan) ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: dissociation, implied past parent/child abuse ***** Prodigal Son (Ford) ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: dissociation, implied parent/child relationship ***** The Rift ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: background parent/child incest ***** Lies ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: parent/child incest ***** Runaway (Redux) ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii ***** Halcyon Blues ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii ***** The Fall ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: dissociation, sexual assault, graphic violence ***** Kicked Out ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: domestic dispute, slurs ***** Home Again ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes Chapter End Notes .... ***** Revenge ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: parent/child incest, graphic violence ***** The Mask ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: graphic violence, dissociation ***** Drown (Redux) ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes cw: dissociation, character death ***** Entropy ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes A perpetual motion machine has one purpose: to not stop. (So what happens when it does?) See the end of the chapter for more notes Chapter End Notes An explanation of Ford's actions in case they are unclear, as taken from my tumblr: Because this story is from Stanley’s POV I made it especially hard to intuit what Stanford was thinking at any given moment. This is because I wanted Stanley to be more sympathetic given that it is Evil Stan’s origin story, and he hates all Fords viscerally. However, I also strove to make Stanford’s actions believable, and if I failed to do this then that is my fault. Let me see if I can explain it a little :D cw: talk of child abuse and grooming When they were young, their father violently abused them both (though Stanley worse because Stanley kept talking back). To save Stan, Ford started to go to their father out of his own volition to keep him from harming Stanley. Filbrick started to use this to threaten Ford with all manner of things – if you don’t I’ll kill your brother, if you don’t I won’t pay for your school, if you don’t I won’t give you food – and conditioned Ford into 1) being terrified that if he didn’t comply everything would be even more awful on a basic necessities kind of way, and 2) coming to Filbrick for everything. Eventually, Filbrick added the element of the mask that dissociated Stanley from the events that were happening and asked Ford to participate, which Ford did even though he was horrified. This entirely knocked Stanley out of the conversation re: agency, and reinforced Ford’s need to obey else he’d end up just like that. Stanley kept fighting because he had no other way to feel control over his life. But Stanford had stopped fighting. To survive, mentally and physically, he started to comply with everything. And to survive, he started to force himself into rationalizing his actions – the fact that he too abused Stanley (”he deserved it for talking back so much”), the fact that he went to Filbrick almost willingly (”I’m doing it so he won’t kill us, so he’ll give me what I need – money, food, school”). To escape this nonending abuse – because Stanley didn’t have that perception of control like Ford did – Stanley started running away from home and staying elsewhere, and then it was just Filbrick and Stanford. Filbrick had ample time to groom Ford without being impulsed to physical violence due to Stan, and it became something purely sexual. Over the years, Ford’s body even started to enjoy it, which caused him more mental conflict. Ford decided to rationalize it by telling himself that HE was lying to Filbrick now, to convince him that Ford was in love with him, to get him to do more things for Ford than just basic necessities. As you can see, it worked – Filbrick himself started to believe Ford was really into him, and he bought him nice science things and supported his desire to become a great scientist. But daily reinforcement and a lifetime of habit and exposure to only a single person (because Stanley had left them both) caused Ford’s mind to become twisted around this one relationship, and he became confused himself. Did he really enjoy this? Did he really love Filbrick? He decided to just focus on school, focus on the goal of getting to college. That was his ticket out of there. He just had to get to West Coast Tech on a full scholarship so he wouldn’t have to rely on Filbrick at all. Then he could make a name for himself and get away and be a real human being. He just had to hold on until then. He just had to go on until then. Stan offered multiple times for Ford to run away with him, but Ford never took it. I think a part of him understood he would have to drop out of school like Stan did, and Ford didn’t want to. He wanted to become a scientist, and he could see the path to it. He could see the light at the end of his tunnel and he was capable of getting out there on top, if he could just hold on a little longer on this hellride. Just a bit more. Just one day more. Tomorrow is the day. Today is the day. And then Stanley came in and killed Filbrick, and made them both into murder suspects, destroying Ford’s chances of getting into his dream school, into becoming someone scientifically of merit. He’s now a suspect in the violent murder of his father, and when they realize there’s only one bed, a scandalous case of intergenerational incest. His whole future up in ash. Ford saw this the moment he knew Filbrick was going to die by Stanley’s hands. He saw this future and his heart became ice. The fight left him. He’d been fighting all his life in his own way, just like Stan, but now what he’d been fighting for was gone. Stan had ruined it. ***** Future (Snapshots) ***** Chapter by Godtater_(Karaii), Karaii Chapter Notes The aftermath. See the end of the chapter for more notes Chapter End Notes This is the end :') Thank you SO MUCH for following me along this story. It has been such an intense couple of weeks. This story came roaring out of me like Athena must have — from a headache, fully formed. I am emotionally wiped out by it, in a good way. I never expected people to like it, because it was so heavy and it was never intended to have a happy ending. But I’ve been blown away. You all are amazing. Thank you to everyone who has sent me encouraging messages and kindly liked and even more spectacularly reblogged this awful story. I am truly blessed <3 Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!