Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1668260.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Castiel/Dean_Winchester
  Character:
      Dean_Winchester, Castiel_(Supernatural), Sam_Winchester
  Additional Tags:
      Teacher_Castiel, Child_Abuse, AU, Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Alcohol
      Abuse/Alcoholism, Slow_Build
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-05-21 Updated: 2014-06-26 Chapters: 21/22 Words: 26411
****** Zeppelin ******
by Taybay14
Summary
     When Castiel Novak, a veteran trying to adjust to being back home,
     get's a job teaching at a local high school he meets a boy who just
     might turn his whole world upside down.
Notes
     My first fanfiction. I plan on writing much more of this story, along
     with other ones. Let me know your thoughts or questions, and I am
     willing to take any requests. I do not mind adding relationships, or
     even starting a whole new story if given a prompt. Hope you enjoy (:
***** Chapter One *****
For the third time in the last twenty minutes, his hands began shaking. He
glanced up at the clock above the classroom door. Students would be filing in
any minute now. He loosened the noose around his neck, wishing he would have
chosen something other than a shirt and tie for his first day of the school
year. He clasped his hands together on the oak desk, staring down at the first
hour’s list of students.
He jumped as the first bell rang, bringing with it a rush of noise as students
laughed and shouted while banging in their lockers. He tightened his tie again
as he stood up, moving to just outside his door. He greeted the smiling faces
as they all walked into his room. He tried gaging the type of people they were,
but came up with nothing more than gender and height. Nothing of value. Once
the final bell went off he began closing the door, leaving it slightly ajar. He
walked to the center of the classroom before clearing his throat. “Hello class.
My name is Mr. Novak.”
He began telling them about his plans for the year, trying his hardest not to
pace around the room. The student’s all looked intrigued, but he couldn’t tell
if that was from the fact that his lesson plan sounded interesting or because
he was only twenty-three and somewhat good looking.
He cleared his throat once again before continuing. “For your first assignment
I would like you to pick out your favorite short story. You will give me the
name of it by the end of the hour today-“ The classroom door opened suddenly,
drawing everyone’s attention towards a tall boy with bright green eyes.
Castiel’s breath caught in his throat for a moment as the boy made his way
towards an open seat in the back. He slid into the seat, letting his back pack
slip from his shoulder and onto the floor with a loud thud.
“You must be Mr. Winchester.” Castiel said loudly as he scanned over his
attendance sheet. The boy did not acknowledge his name being said. “Mr.
Winchester.” The boy slowly nodded as he rifled through his bag.
“Dean!” A petite girl beside him said, punching him lightly in the shoulder.
The boy glanced up quickly, pulling a set of buds out of his ears.
“Sorry man.” He looked at Castiel with an enduring smile. “Had to finish the
song. You can’t stop in the middle of Zeppelin.”
“Stairway to Heaven?”
“Ramble on.” Both boys stared at each other for a moment, as if that question
was more than just a simple one.
“Well I was just explaining the first assignment Zeppelin. You mind if I
continue?”
“Oh by all means.” Dean winked at him, leaning back lazily in his chair.
“You will have the rest of the hour to decide on your favorite short story. You
will write a short, informal essay on your reasons as to why this story is your
favorite. This needs to include quotes from the piece. Give me the name by the
end of the hour, so I can read them in advance.”
Castiel made his way back to his desk while the students began chattering. He
began flipping through his notebook of lesson plans, wondering for the
hundredth time if this was the best way to start off the year. He zoned out on
the words until they blurred. Pieces of paper began falling on the corner of
his desk. He glanced at them, smiling as the bell dismissing them rang. One
final paper fell on his desk, right in front of him instead of in the corner
with all the others. The paper read Zeppelin: Why Soldiers Won’t Talk.
Castiel’s breath caught as his head shot up to look at the retreating body of
the boy. His chest rose and fell fast, the dog tags beneath his shirt sticking
to his skin with sweat. How the fuck did he know?
 
 
“I think I’m going insane.” He swirled his long finger around the rim of his
glass. Dark circles hung beneath his bright blue eyes, weighing them down. A
black tie hung loosely from his neck, a silent noose.
“Nah Cas. You’re fine.” Gabriel sat across from him, trying to concentrate on
his brother instead of scanning the crowd for girls.
“There’s this kid in my class. I swear to God Gabe, I almost punched him
today.”
“Was he cute?” His eyes shot back at me with excitement. I laughed softly.
“Does that matter?”
“Well yeah. I have to decide if you wanted to punch him out sexual frustration
or not.”
“He was cute, yes. But he is a student.”
“Maybe you need-“
“Gabe, focus. I don’t need anything.” The silence hung between them for a
while. Gabe went back to scanning the crowd as Castiel slowly sipped his
scotch. His dog tags hung around his neck, cold and heavy. His mind started
drifting back to places he hated to be. He saw the soldier’s face, streaked
with dirt and blood. He heard the gunshots in the distance.
“What was his name?” Gabriel’s question caused him to jump.
“Who’s?”
“The kid you almost punched.”
“Dean.”
“What did he do to make you angry?” Castiel shook his head, trying to decide if
he should tell Gabe or not.
“Like I said, I think I’m going insane.”
“What did he do?” Castiel explained the whole thing, from the moment he
interrupted his class to the piece of paper falling in front of him.
“Man, he probably just likes the story. There’s no way he could know about
your-“ Gabe trailed off slowly, as if he didn’t know what to call Castiel’s
situation. A tall red head walked by the table, giving Gabe a slow, sexy smile.
He winked at her, sitting up a little straighter.
“You gonna be alright man?” He was already inching out of his seat, waiting for
the okay to go chase the girl. Castiel laughed and shook his head before
finishing his drink.
”Yeah Gabe I’m gonna head out anyway. Thanks.” They both stood up, giving each
other a quick hug before going their separate ways. Castiel pushed through the
metal doors towards the back, spilling out into the street. He began walking
down the sidewalk, shoving his hands in his coat pockets. His apartment was
only a few blocks away, but the air had become much colder than it had when he
first arrived to the bar. His mind began drifting off, towards something less
familiar but just as unwanted. Dean Winchester.
 
 
“You are all going to hate me.” Castiel said loudly to his class. He stared at
the chalkboard, writing neatly with a white piece of chalk. “But instead of
handing in your papers for me to read, you will each read yours out loud to the
class.” As the students behind him groaned he smiled, remembering for a brief
moment how much he hated speeches in high school. He turned around slowly, the
piece of chalk still in hand.
“Now the one thing I hate is when a student goes before a class and reads
straight from their paper. I understand this is impromptu but if you could
please just glance at your paper for a few minutes and try doing the speech
from memory I would highly appreciate it. You will not be graded harshly on
this, so take a deep breath and relax.”
None of them looked relaxed. None of them except for one freckle faced boy in
the back. He stared at Castiel impassively, as if he was not just told
something new or important. Castiel held up the piece of chalk, still smiling.
“When you feel ready you may put your name on the board, creating a list. This
will be the order that the speeches will go. Please do this quickly, as we may
not have enough time to finish.”
Everyone began chattering to each other as Castiel placed the piece of chalk on
his podium. Dean stood up and took it, the expression on his face still blank.
He scrawled Zeppelin next to the number one before sitting back down. Castiel
scratched his head, wondering if allowing him to use the new nickname would
cause a blur in lines. He imagined Dean getting confused; throwing himself at
Castiel thinking that was what Castiel wanted. But it wasn’t. Was it? Castiel’s
pants tightened at the thought of the boy bent over his large oak desk. Castiel
thanked God that he was standing behind the podium in the center of the room,
his crotch hidden from all of the student’s.
After a few minutes passed he called for everyone’s attention before inviting
Dean up to the front of the class to begin. His expression was so blank it was
scary. “In the story Why Soldiers Don’t Talk, Steinbeck said, ‘The whole world
becomes unreal. You laugh at things which are not ordinarily funny and you
become enraged at trifles. During this time a kind man is capable of great
cruelties and a timid man of great bravery, and nearly all men have resistance
to stresses beyond their ordinary ability.’” Dean paused, taking in the faces
of his classmates. His lips twitched up into a sad smile. “I read that story
while my dad was deployed. I never thought much of it. Didn’t believe war could
really do that to someone.”
“But shit, was I wrong. Steinbeck’s words were dead on. My father laughed in my
little brother’s face while he cried because a bully punched him at school. My
father gave me a black eye and a split lip because I wanted to borrow twenty
bucks to take a girl out on a date. Sometimes he wouldn’t talk. He would go
days in silence, the only sound escaping him being the sound of scotch as he
gulped it down. That war took my father, bringing back to us a stranger.”
Castiel’s chest tightened as he watched Dean wipe a hand over his face, trying
to keep his emotions in check. His hands ached to be the ones running down that
face, tracing the soft freckles of the perfect boy. But that’s not what Dean
would want. He deserves better than a man just like his father. Dean’s eyes
locked with his own for a few seconds, the sad smile returning. “Guess it’s
self-explanatory why that’s my favorite.”
“Yes.” Castiel said softly, trying to gain his composure. “That was very good
Mr. Winchester.” The class began clapping slowly, unsure of what to do. Dean
made his way back to his seat as the next student went up to speak. The rest of
the speeches blurred by as the hour went, the last girl finishing just as the
bell rang. “Mr. Winchester, do you mind speaking with me for a minute?”
The student’s filed out quickly as Dean made his way towards Castiel. Silence
hung between them. Dean looked up at his teacher confused, but intrigued. “I am
sorry if I made you uncomfortable today. I wasn’t aware that anything as
personal as that would come up.”
Dean raised his eyebrows at Castiel. “Really? I mean there should be a lot of
emotion and personal crap tied up into something that you love. I love that
story, for those reasons. That’s not embarrassing teach.”
“Sir.” Castiel whispered in a menacing voice. His anger was exposing itself
once again, causing him to silently curse himself.
“Excuse me?”
“You will call me Mr. Novak or Sir. I am not your ‘teach’ Mr. Winchester.”
“Uh, okay? Sorry.” A mischievous grin appeared on the boy’s face. “Sir.” With a
wink he walked out, adjusting his bag on his shoulder. Castiel’s heart beat
fast and hard in his chest. He was fucked.
 
It was nearly two weeks later when Dean Winchester finally caught on to the
struggle Castiel was going through. It was a rainy Tuesday morning. The class
was reading a collection of T.S. Elliot’s works silently at their desks.
Castiel had been grading essays when he got side tracked by the way Dean was
chewing on his lower lip. He was reading The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.
Castiel understood why he was chewing away at that perfect bottom lip. Prufrock
always got people rethinking their life. Castiel watched him as he took in the
words, his eyes hungry for them. He loved the hidden passion that was slowly
spilling out from Dean over the past few weeks. Castiel slowly slid his finger
across his own bottom lip, imagining what it would feel like to have those
white teeth of Dean’s clamping down on it. Dean paused his reading, looking
right at Castiel. Castiel’s heart stuttered for a moment as Dean continued
looking at him. He released his bottom lip from between his teeth, smoothing
away the marks slowly with his tongue. Castiel gasped softly, causing Dean to
smile.
The bell rang, interrupting them. Castiel noticed Dean falling back as the
others milled out of the room. “Excuse me, Sir. I was wondering if I had done
something wrong?”
“Why would you think that Mr. Winchester?”
Dean leaned over the desk, his face less than a foot away from his teachers.
“That look you were giving me looks just like the pizza man does before he
spanks his naughty girl.” Dean laughed softly to himself as he hiked his bag
onto his shoulder and walked out, humming the tune of a song as he went.
Castiel tried to breathe. He fought for air, but he couldn’t. This kid was
under his skin and the worst part was now he knew. Dean knew exactly what he
was doing to his teacher, and what is even worse? Dean seemed to be enjoying
it. Castiel cracked his neck, thinking to himself ‘two can play that game.’
***** Chapter Two *****
Chapter Summary
     A little more background on the boys
The next day there was a small piece of paper on everyone’s desk. It was
flipped upside down with instructions written on the board not to read them.
The students filed in slowly, chatting with each other as they took their
seats. Their teacher was nowhere to be found. Dean tried not to look worried,
reminding himself to stay calm. It’s not like teacher’s can’t take days off.
It’s not like it’s any of his business. But he couldn’t help but worry that Mr.
Novak was gone because of his comment from yesterday. His heart rate quickened.
He never imagined that the teacher didn’t feel the way Dean thought he did. And
he didn’t think the teacher would freak out. Maybe a detention or something.
Not quitting his job. Dean shook his head, clearing all the thoughts away.
Don’t be over dramatic Winchester.
Just as he calmed down Castiel walked in, his tie loosened and the top two
buttons of his shirt undone. His hair was messier than usual, sex hair instead
of just rolled out of bed hair. Dean knew the difference. His heart skipped
again. No. No one else is supposed to be touching him.
“’Morning class. Sorry about running a little late, had a-“ He coughed, smiling
at all of them, making sure to make eye contact with all except one. “meeting.”

The class all giggled at this, not one of them missing what was being implied.
In his defense he wasn’t lying to them. He did have a meeting, just not the
kind he wanted them to believe. It was his first appointment at the VA, some
bullshit paper work to fill out for the counseling his brother Gabriel was
insisting he partake in. He didn’t look at Dean. He made sure of this. “Now I
want you all to flip over the paper on your desk, reading it silently to
yourself. No one may show or tell their fellow classmates what their own says.
It is to be kept entirely secret. When you are done, write your name on it and
return it back to me. The sentence is a prompt for a short story I would like
you to write. Once you have returned the paper to me, you may begin on it. It
will be due on Friday.”
Castiel watched as every student flipped over their paper. The only student he
did not watch was Dean. He watched Alyssa as she flipped over the paper he knew
read a single mother whose baby is being taken away by CPS. He watched as Tyler
flipped over the paper he knew read a seventeen year old boy who witnessed both
his parents brutally murdered. He watched as Lucy smiled at hers, reading what
he knew said a fourteen year old girl who just had her first kiss. He heard
some gasps and giggles. He tried to hide his smile as he heard a sharp hiss
from the back, right around the area Dean resided in. The papers began falling
onto his desk slowly, once again in the corner. He made sure to avoid eye
contact as he say the faded Styx shirt walk towards him. The paper was placed
right in front of him, Castiel’s writing staring him down. It read a seventeen
year old boy who realized he is attracted to his teacher. He flipped the page,
reading Dean’s scribbled hand writing. Shouldn’t be too hard, considering.
Damn, this kid was good.
 

“Eat your food Sammy.” Dean chided as he watched his brother pushing around the
noodles on his plate.
“It’s disgusting Dean.” His brother bit his lip, stopping it before I began
shaking. The small movement didn’t go unnoticed by Dean. He stared first at his
brother’s plate, then at his own. The noodles were stale and clumped together.
The only thing accompanying them was the scrapings of what was left from the
jar of butter and some bread crumbs that had been stuck to them. It was pretty
disgusting, but it was the first warm meal they had been able to make it three
days.
“If you eat it without complaining, then I’ll take us to McDonald’s this
weekend. Deal?” Sammy stared at his brother for a long moment, debating if it
was really going to happen or not. He knew Dean meant it now, but things rarely
worked out when it came to plans with money involved.
“Yeah, okay.” He muttered, shoveling a large clump into his mouth. He chewed
for what felt like an eternity before swallowing quickly, trying not to gag.
Dean did the same, trying to keep a smile on his face. “Whatcha writing?” Sam
asked, gesturing towards the open notebook scattered with words next to Dean.
Dean blushed. “Just a stupid English assignment.” Sam furrowed his eye brows.
“Isn’t English your favorite subject?”
“Yup.”
“So why is the assignment stupid?” Dean thought for a moment, debating whether
or not he should tell his twelve year old brother the assignment. He thought
better of it, knowing Sam would be able to tell by the way he talked that the
assignment hit close to home.
“It’s not; I’m just tired and crabby.” He glanced up at the clock quickly,
cursing it quietly. “Speaking of tired and crabby, I’m about to be late for
work.” Dean stood up, dumping the rest of his noodles onto Sam’s plate before
messing up his soft brown hair.
“Eww,” Sam wrinkled his nose, “Dean I can’t eat all of this.”
Dean stared down at him for a second, his eyes taking in his long, skinny
limbs. “Promise me you will finish all of that Sammy.”
“But Dean-“
“Sam.” That was serious. Dean almost never referred to his brother that way.
Sam quietly promised he would finish it, shoveling another clump into his mouth
as Dean tugged on his jacket with the Roadhouse logo on the back. He walked out
the front door, slamming it behind him. Sam counted to fifty before standing
up, carrying his plate to the living room. His father sat in the recliner in
front of the TV, watching what looked to be an infomercial for fuzzy socks. His
right hand was clutching a half empty bottle of scotch. His left hand was
shaking.
“Here you go dad. It’s pretty gross but-“ Sam shrugged as he placed the plate
next to his father on the coffee table. His father didn’t move a muscle. His
right hand still clutched the half empty bottle of scotch. His left hand kept
shaking.
 
 
Music played from the jukebox in the corner as the waitress brought Castiel and
Gabriel their drinks. Business at the Bar and Grill was particularly slow
today, according to Gabe. It always was on Wednesday’s. They bullshitted for a
few minutes as they scanned the menu, laughing and yelling at each other over
work-loads and one night stands.
“I’m telling you man, best sex I’ve ever had.”
“Yeah right Gabe, you said that about the blonde last week. And the brunette
before that.”
“Well, aren’t I lucky then. It just keeps getting better.”
“Oh bite me.” But they were both smiling. The smile from Castiel slipped as
quickly as it had appeared when none other than Dean Winchester walked up to
their table, looking down at the pen and pad he was cradling in his hand.
“Ya’ll bout ready to ord-“ He trailed off as his bright green eyes met
Castiel’s. He wet his lips, out of nerves not seduction. Castiel did the same.
Gabe noticed, trying to hide a confused smile behind his beer as he slowly took
a sip.
  Castiel recovered first. “Hello Dean. I wasn’t aware you worked here.”
 Dean? Gabriel mouthed from across the table, his eyebrows raised in
recognition.
 “Yeah.” Dean shrugged. “Yeah I work here.” Gabe stifled a laugh, trying to
turn the sound into a cough.  Dean shot him a dirty look.
 “I’m gonna get the number five without onions. Cas will get the same.” Dean’s
jaw twitched, anger flashing in his eyes for a moment. Not only was his teacher
fucking with him, making him feel like he has a chance when in reality he has a
boyfriend, but he’s dating a bossy jerk. Cas can fucking order for himself.
 “Cas, huh?”
 “Yes. My name is Castiel.”
 “Should you really be telling your student that Mr. Novak?” Gabe asked with a
wink. Castiel chuckled, but Dean didn’t look at all amused. He gave them both a
tight smile before taking their menus and retreating. The men dove back into
the conversation they were having. Thankfully Gabe didn’t mention Dean at all.
Just as Dean was making his way towards their table with their food Gabe stood
up to use the bathroom. Dean slammed both plates down on the table.
 “Anything else I can get you Mr. Novak?” He spat out angrily.
 “How’s that story going?”
 “Great. The teacher in the story is a real jackass. Loves to give mixed
signals. Loves to mess with a kid who has enough on his plate.”
 Castiel’s throat tightened, his lazily smile falling from his face. Dean shook
his head, walking away quickly. He tore his apron off, throwing it onto the
empty bar. Castiel heard him tell the tender he was going on break. Castiel
stood up, going after him. He found him leaning up against the outside wall,
lighting a cigarette. Neither of them said anything as Dean fought against the
wind as he tried over and over again to light it. Finally he mumbled fuck it
and threw the cigarette on the ground.
 “Dean.”
 “Don’t.” His voice was strangled as he stared at the ground.
 “Dean.” Castiel took a step forward, causing Dean to shift further down the
wall.
 “Please. Just go back in there with your stupid boyfriend. I am fine.”
 “Boyfriend?” Castiel let out a small laugh. “Eww. Gabe is my brother Dean. My
brother.”
 Dean’s jaw twitched again, this time out of anger with himself. “Just leave me
alone okay? I don’t want to play this game. I quit. I’m done. I was
inappropriate. I’m sorry. Just give me a detention or something, okay? I don’t
want to do this anymore.”
 “Dean.”
 “Stop saying my name!” He shouted, finally lifting his face to look Castiel
dead in the eye. Castiel felt a shiver run down his spine. “Please, just leave
me alone. Please. I can’t anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this
anymore. I can’t do this-“ Dean ran out of breath, sobs replacing them. Castiel
realized they were no long talking about the little game they were playing. The
torn expression on Dean’s face. The way his body shook as he sank to the cold
ground. Dean was talking about his life.
 “Dean.” This made him cry harder. He muttered something that sounded like a
plea, but Castiel couldn’t be sure. He knelt down, wrapping both of his arms
around the young boy’s body. He clutched him tightly against his chest. Dean
tried to push him away but his efforts were only half-hearted. Within a few
seconds he was melting into Castiel, his breathing slowly normalizing. “I’m not
playing a game with you. I wasn’t aware that you actually wanted-“ Castiel
searched for the word. “this. You wanted this. I didn’t know that Dean.”
 “You thought I was just some cocky asshole who liked messing with the new
guy.” Dean whispered against his neck, goose bumps raising on Castiel’s skin.
 “Yes.”
 “Oh.” They sat there for a few more seconds before Dean untangled himself from
Castiel. “Here.” Dean handed Castiel a piece of crumpled up paper he pulled out
from his back pocket. Castiel took it as Dean stood up. “I gotta get back to
work. You should get back to your brother.” He walked as fast as he could
without running towards the door, yanking it open and disappearing inside.
Castiel smoothed the paper on his pant leg, reading the first sentence. His
breath caught.
 He looked at me, and for the first time since my mother left, since my father
came home from the war, since I was fifteen, I felt hope.
***** Chapter Three *****
Dean was nineteen minutes late to class the following Monday. He rushed in with
nothing but a pencil, his face flushed. He apologized quietly as he slid into
his desk. They hadn’t talked since that night, both acting as if nothing had
happened between them. Castiel watched as the girl beside him leaned over,
whispering the assignment to him with a soft smile on her lips. Dean smiled
back, but it was distant. He opened his book to the page she told him, reading
the first few sentences before his eyes drifted closed. He looked as if he was
about to cry. Castiel sat back in this chair, watching Dean from the safety of
his desk. Dean took a few deep breaths, rereading the same few sentences. It
was a fluff assignment, nothing that would be difficult for him to read. His
hands shook as he lifted them to his face. His knuckles were smudged with red.
                Castiel shifted in his desk, trying to remain calm. He glanced
back at his desk for a moment, trying to decide what to do. Dean’s breathing
began to quicken, his bottom lip split and shaking. Fuck. “Class, why don’t you
all go to the library to finish the reading for today?” Everyone looked up,
confusion on their faces. They all scooped up their belongings, making their
way towards the door. Dean remained seated, his face in his hands. Castiel
stood up, closing the door behind the last student. He looked around the room
before locking the door. Both windows were covered by curtains. The first sob
escaped him before Castiel could even take a step in his direction.
                “Dean.” He wiped at his face frantically before raising his
head. His cheeks were streaked with tears and blood. Castiel’s heart ached. He
shouldn’t be doing this. He was had been a soldier too. All he was going to do
was hurt Dean just like his father did. What if he goes back to the way he was
when he first got home? When he didn’t talk either? “Dean.”
                “It’s bad Cas. It’s really bad.” It was the first time he had
used his first name, let alone his nickname that he had heard Gabe use the week
before. But it didn’t matter to Dean. All he wanted was Castiel’s arms around
him again.
                “What is Dean?” He was sitting in the desk beside him now, his
hand resting on his shoulder.
                “Everything.” He let out a loud sob before taking two heavy
breaths, trying to calm himself down. “My dad was pissed at me because Sammy
was crying. Or at least I think that was why he was pissed. I wouldn’t know, he
doesn’t fucking talk.”
“Why was he crying?”
“I promised Sammy I would take him to McDonald’s this weekend, but I had to pay
rent. I only have six dollars left over, and I didn’t want to waste it. He was
so-“ His sobbing continued. Castiel sighed.
                “Okay.” It was more of a defeated sigh than a word. He took the
boy into his arms, pulling him into his lap. Dean’s tears rubbed off onto his
dress shirt. He pushed away the fact that he didn’t have another shirt to
change into. He pushed away the thought that this was a student he was holding.
He pushed away the thought that they were in a classroom. That this was
illegal. That he had been a soldier. That he would hurt Dean. Because in this
moment he felt like the only thing that could save Dean. So he pushed all the
thoughts away, cradling the boy’s face in his rough, callused hands. They
stared at each other for a long second. Dean’s green eyes wide and innocent. He
pushed every single thought away. And he kissed him.
 
 
 
 
 
                His laugh was infectious. It filled Castiel’s tiny apartment
easily. The movie was one of Castiel’s favorites. Dean had never seen it. His
whole face was split wide with a grin. It was the happiest Castiel had ever
seen him. Dean looked over at him, his eyes dancing with pleasure. He crashed
his lips against Castiel’s, making Castiel laugh softly. Their lips molded
together easily, after having the last month to practice. Castiel cradled
Dean’s face in his hands, causing the kiss to deepen. “Please.” Dean whispered
against his lips. Castiel shook his head, feeling the intensity of the kiss
already fading with disappointment. A few seconds later Dean pulled away, his
eyes moving back to the screen.
                “Hey Zeppelin.” Castiel had begun calling him that a few weeks
ago, right after their first kiss. It never failed to make Dean smile. This
time was no different. “What’s wrong baby?”
                “You know what’s wrong.” He stuck his bottom lip out, his brows
furrowed.
                “God dammit Dean, you are so fucking cute when you pout.”
                “Shut up!” Dean yelled, punching Castiel in the arm.
                “I’m sorry.”
                “You aren’t.”
                “I am.” Dean’s eyes met his, angry and cold.
                “If you’re sorry then why don’t you just give in and do it?”
                “Because you’ve never had sex with a man Dean. And you said
yourself that you’ve never had sex with someone you’re in love with.”
                “But-“
                “I want both of those things when we are together Dean. Your
first deserves to be someone you love. I am not that person yet.”
                “You are so frustrating!” Castiel cocked his head to the side,
looking at Dean affectionately. He wanted so badly to say it. To whisper I love
you to this boy who had his world flipped upside down.
 
 
 
 
                “Are you kidding? Frost is so superficial.” Dean shouted at
him. They were both sprawled out on Castiel’s king sized bed.
                “No. Frost is the exact opposite of that. You just haven’t read
anything that you like. You’ve only read all of the over rated popular stuff
that’s been over analyzed and romanticized.”
                “I still think he is superficial.” They were both smiling ear
to ear. Dean’s shirt was riding up, exposing a thin strip of tan skin just
above his sweatpants. Castiel’s sweatpants actually. Dean was spending the
night at a friends something Castiel never thought he would let him do. But the
conversation kept running later and later and Castiel couldn’t stand the
thought of Dean leaving.
                “Here.” Castiel tore his eyes away, sitting up and reaching
over to the bookshelf next to his bed. He pulled out a worn down book with its
binder torn. He flipped quickly to a page he had marked before handing it to
Dean. “Read.”
                Dean let his eyes roam across the page, his expression changing
from annoyance to disbelief. “Damn.” He whispered.
                “Yeah.”
                “Why haven’t we read that in class?”
                “It’s a personal one for me.”
                “Why?” They both stared at each other. Castiel wanted so badly
in that moment to tell him the truth. To tell him all that he was hiding, but
he couldn’t.
                “What do you think of it?” Castiel asked, hoping to switch the
question. It worked.
                “I think that it’s fucking sad.”
                “Language Dean.” They stared at each other again. Castiel’s
eyes were hard, Dean’s were challenging. They had been doing this power
struggle a lot more in the last few days. Castiel couldn’t wait until Dean got
a little too cocky about it. He couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when
Castiel’s inner dominant came out to play.
                “I like it. Not as much as Steinbeck’s story, but this one is
good too. I just feel like it could have been more, ya know?”
                “How do you mean?”
                “Well, when I started reading it I thought it was going to talk
about how he came back but he wasn’t the same boy.”
                “But that isn’t what Frost wanted to say. He could have said
that, but that wasn’t his message. His message was a mother and son’s love. His
message was the strength of a solider. Sometimes soldier’s come home
themselves. Sometimes they are recognizable.”
                “Lucky them.” Dean whispered, just loud enough for Castiel to
hear him.
                “Hey, no grumpy boys in my bed.” Castiel whispered, connecting
the freckles on Dean’s cheek with his finger.
                “Make me less grumpy then.”
                “I will.” Castiel rolled on top of Dean, pressing him down into
the mattress. His lips hungrily searched for Dean’s. He kissed him hard and
fast, grinding his crotch against Dean’s. Dean whimpered, and holy shit it was
the best sound in the whole world. At first it was a confused mumble against
his lips, but as Castiel moved to trail kisses down Dean’s jaw he heard it
again. Loud and clear. “I love you Cas.”
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Summary
     Sorry it has been so long! I've been so busy with finals week and
     everything. :(
“You have to tell him.”
                “Why? He isn’t going to fall in love with me anyway. It doesn’t
matter.” Gabe stared at Castiel from across the table, dumbfounded by his
brother’s stupidity.
                “The kid is either in love with you or pretty damn close man.
Don’t be fucking stupid.”
                “I doesn’t matter.”
                “Oh come on. The kid hates the military. Everything about it.
You’ve said it yourself. It’s the thing he has the most passion for. And you
think it’s a good idea to not mention the fact that you spent a year and a half
of your life as a solider?”
                “A year and a half isn’t that long.
                “Cas. Fucking stop man.” Gabe shook his head, trying to control
his anger. “You wanted to be in for life. You got honorably discharged. You
went through hell and came back alive. You’re still a solider whether you like
or not man. No solider ever stops being a soldier.”
                “He’ll hate me Gabe.” Castiel looked down at his phone, reading
the most recent text from Dean. Need you tonight. Any chance? He took in a deep
breath. “He will hate me.”
                “Then he hates you. Don’t let him fall even deeper without
knowing man. That’s not right.”
                “None of this is right Gabe.” Castiel spat back bitterly.
                “You’re right. But doesn’t it say something that this is the
first thing I have bothered to not support you on? I never said anything about
him being underage. Never said anything about him being your god damn student.
But this isn’t fair Cas. Not to him or yourself.”
                “Yeah.” His phone vibrated again. Please Cas. I need to see
you. It’s important.“Yeah you’re right.”
                “Where are you going?” Gabe asked as Castiel stood up, dropping
a twenty on the table before pulling his jacket on.
                “To do what I do best. Fuck up the one good thing I have.”
 
 
 
 
                “You know where the spare key is you weirdo.” Castiel yelled
from the bottom of the stairs. Dean laughed as he shook from the cold. He
waited for Castiel to wrap his arms around him, warming him up, before
responding.
                “Yeah but then I wouldn’t have needed you to warm me up.” That
got him a soft laugh as Castiel fumbled with his key in the lock. Dean clung to
Castiel’s jacket as he was pushed indoors, refusing to let go.
                “What’s wrong baby. Why do you need me?” Castiel asked quietly
as he tried shrugging his jacket off.
                “Don’t leave me.”
                “I’m not going anywhere.”
                “Everyone leaves me.” Castiel’s heart stopped as he looked down
at Dean. His eyes were filling with tears and his lip shook. It still amazed
him that he was lucky enough to be so close with someone like Dean. To be the
one he ran to, the one he craved to be held by.
                “I promise you. I will not leave you.”
                “You promise?” Dean’s voice was raspy and low.
                “I promise.”
                “Good. Because I love you.” Dean pushed away, running his
fingers through his messy hair. He took a deep breath and turned away from
Castiel, facing the wall. “I love you and that scares the hell out of me.”
                “I know.” Castiel replied quietly, reaching out for Dean. He
turned him around, giving him a warm smile. “I know. But it is okay. I am not
going anywhere.”
                “I love you.”
                “I love you too silly.”
                “I love you.” Dean’s face was dead serious.
                “I know Dean.”
                “I love you.” His face split into a smile. “God that feels so
damn good to say.” And his lips were against Castiel’s. They were needy,
hungry. He was searching for something, something he knew he wouldn’t get.
Castiel pushed him back, shaking his head.
                “We need to talk first Dean. I need to tell you something.”
                “What?”
                “It’s about my past.”
                “It doesn’t matter.” He was breathless, his lips puffy and red.
                “It does. I’ve done things. Done things you woulnd’t like. Done
things you would hate me for.” Dean’s face broke in confusion.
                “I could never hate you Cas. I love you.”
                “Dean you don’t under-“ Dean placed his lips back where they
were. He pushed Castiel down the hall towards the bedroom, not allowing the man
time to interrupt.
                “All that I understand is I love you. That is all that matters
to me Cas. Nothing else matters, okay? Now make love to me.” He laughed, his
face red. “I would do the whole sexy, I’m going to make love to you thing but I
have no idea how to it. So make love to me.” It came out sounding like one big
breathless sentence. It was adorable. Castiel laughed, cupping Dean’s face in
his hands.
                “I love you too.”
 
 
 
 
 
                “Wait not that.” Castiel looked up at Dean, his eye brows
crinkled in frustration. He licked his lips, his fingers stilling on each ass
cheek.
                “Why not?”
                “It’ll taste bad.”
                “Dean.”
                “No that’s not nice to you. It will taste bad. I mean I poop
out of there-“ His cheeks were flaming. He looked like he was about to cry of
embarrassment. Castiel chuckled. He licked from the base of his dick to the
tip, teasing open the slit. Dean groaned.
                “You didn’t want me to do that either, but that felt good
didn’t it?”
                “Yes.” Dean grumbled.
                “I want to do this. It will bring you pleasure. I want to
pleasure you Dean.”
                “But Cas-“
                “Dean.” His voice was low, stern. Dean gulped before biting his
lip.
                “Sorry.”
                “Sorry what?” He needed to test him. This was the perfect time
to test him. Dean gulped again, biting down harder on his lower lip.
                “Sorry sir.”
                “Good boy.” Castiel whispered before flicking out his tongue
against Dean’s opening.
                “Ahh.” Dean cried, his hips bucking. Castiel smiled, flicking
his tongue against the same spot. Both hands came to rest on Dean’s hips,
holding him steady as Castiel began slowly trailing his tongue around his rim.
The sounds Dean was making made Castiel go wild. He reached up with one hand,
grabbing Dean by his hair and pulling his face down a little. He shoved a
finger inside of dean’s mouth, groaning the word suckagainst his tight pink
hole. Dean shivered, obeying the command.
                Castiel moaned against him, remembering what Dean’s lips felt
like wrapped around his own dick. He pulled the finger out of his mouth,
bringing it down to the place his tongue was sliding against.
                “No!”
                “Dean.”
                “It’ll hurt.” His whole body began shaking. His eyes were wide
with fear.
                “No baby, it won’t I’ll make sure it doesn’t. I’m going to take
care of you okay?” Dean didn’t answer, just nodded slowly. Castiel spat on his
hole before inching his finger in. Dean gasped and shook his head. He only got
to the first knuckle before Dean bucked him off.
                “No.”
                “Okay.”
                “Okay?” Dean asked, his eyes weary.
                “Of course. You’re not ready baby. It’s okay.”
                “But you said it will feel good.”
                “It will Dean.”
                “I’m scared.” He took in a shaky breath. “I’m ready Cas, I’m
just scared.”
                “Hey. I am going to take care of you. You’re my everything
Dean. I love you okay? I love you so much. I am going to take care of you.”
                “Okay.”
                “Okay?”
                “Yeah. I’m okay. I’m ready.” Castiel reached over to the
bedside table, grabbing a tube of lubrication from the drawer. He knew he would
need it eventually, but not this soon. He smiled at this. Dean was tight, and
scared. That was okay. It made his dick harder thinking about the amount of
trust Dean must have in him. He loved taking care of him. Castiel moved so that
his face was hovering above Dean’s. He squeezed lubricant onto his fingers,
rubbing them along his crack and rim. Dean moaned. He slid one finger in, down
to the second knuckle, before stopping to take in Dean’s reaction. His forehead
was scrunched up in confusion, as if he didn’t know if it was what he expected
or not.
                “Good?” Castiel whispered. He moved his finger slightly.
                “Good.” Dean whispered breathlessly. Castiel began to move his
finger in and out slowly, giving Dean slow kisses with each movement. Before
long he was adding another finger, Dean pushing down against him for more
friction.
                “More.”
                “Calm down Dean.”
                “No Cas, more.” Castiel smiled at his impatience. He went to
add another finger but Dean shook his head. “No, I want you. I need you inside
me.”
                “Dean.”
                “Please make love to me.” Castiel let out a frustrated sigh
before grabbing the bottle of lube again.
                “So impatient baby.” He whispered as he lathered himself. He
squirted more on Dean’s now slightly stretched hole, rubbing it in the best he
could. “This might hurt a little, but I’m gonna try my best to make it so that
it doesn’t okay?”
                “Okay.” Dean said breathlessly. Castiel placed his tip against
the opening, giving Dean a long, slow kiss as he slowly began pushing in. Dean
gasped, all of this muscles clenching. Castiel stopped moving.
                “Dean, you gotta breathe. You have to relax or it will hurt
worse baby. You gotta breathe.”
                “I can’t.”
                “Breathe baby. Come on.” Dean took a few deep breaths, his
muscles relaxing. Castiel smiled down at him, whispering, “Good boy. Such a
good boy.”
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Summary
     SUPER SHORT ONE, AGAIN. Like I said, finals week you guys. Just bear
     with me please, I am trying!!
“Anyone want to give me three examples of antithesis in the poem that I
assigned yesterday?” Castiel tried concentrating on the lesson plan, instead of
the boy he had beneath him just last night. But it was getting increasingly
difficult as Dean slowly nibbled on his bottom lip, mulling over the open book
on his desk. The thought of those lips sent a sharp twitch to his groin. He
called on the girl in the front row, barely hearing her answer. Dean looked up
at him, catching him staring. He smiled and winked and Castiel’s head swam.
“You know what class? It’s a beautiful day today. Why don’t you all just skip
the lesson and go outside. I have a list of poetry written up on the board. It
was going to be tonight’s assignment but I want you to go and start it now.”
Everyone chattered loudly as they gathered their things, all smiling at how
cool Mr. Novak is. Dean went with them, flashing a smile over his shoulder as
Castiel watched him walk out.
“Fuck.” He groaned into the empty class room. He ran his fingers through his
hair, pulling at the tufts. “Fuck.” He had fallen head over heels in love,
something he promised himself he would never do again. Let alone with a god
damn student. A god damn student who has a personal vendetta against the
military. Castiel knew he needed to tell him, he just didn’t know how to go
about it. Would it be such a big deal if Castiel was already out? I mean, it’s
not going to get worse than this.
But then Castiel remembered his nightmares, the way he jumps at loud noises.
Dean didn’t know about that stuff. He didn’t know that Castiel’s favorite
holiday used to be independence day, but now he spends it beneath pillows and
covers with head phones on, trying desperately to block out the pop and crackle
of the fireworks. He used to be the life of the party, incredibly social. But
now he hates crowds. He always feels unsafe in them, as if he can’t control
them. He sees his dead best friend’s face in his sleep, hears his voice tangled
with other’s as he walks down a crowded street.
Dean had said that the past didn’t matter, but what if the past was still
affecting his future? What if Castiel is exactly like Dean’s father, he just
hasn’t given up yet? Castiel rubbed both hands down his face with a large sigh.
“Fuck.”
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Summary
     Since I have been a dick to you all lately, I tried to make this once
     as long as possible. I know, I suck. It's been forever since I
     updated and the few updates I did give were not very good. Hopefully
     you guys enjoy this chapter as much as I do.
“That is an incredibly stupid idea.” Gabriel told Castiel in an angry voice. It
took everything in him not to clutch the beer in his hand and throw it. Castiel
looked everywhere except at Gabe.
“It’s the best thing for him.” He whispered, his voice low and husky.
“Bull shit. Best thing for him my ass. You’re gonna crush the kid.”
“It’s better than sticking around and hurting him more. Once he finds out,
he’ll hate me.”
“And he won’t hate you if you break up with him?”
“It’ll be-“ Castiel paused. He caught Dean out of the corner of his eye,
walking through the entrance of the bar. “Fuck.”
“What?” Gabe asked, his back straightening. Dean strode over to the table, a
large smile on his face. Gabriel’s face went pale for a moment before he
collected himself.
 
“Hey Cas. Thought you said you didn’t feel good?” Dean’s bright green eyes
looked Castiel’s body over, wondering what happened to the sickness he had been
told of a few hours before. Castiel gave him a tight smile.
“Yeah, it passed.” Gabe gave him a look, disappointed that that was the best he
could come up with. Castiel raised his eyebrows back at him, daring him to say
anything. “Aren’t you off tonight? I could have sworn you said you didn’t work
until the weekend.”
“Just picking up my paycheck.” Dean kept smiling, the situation doing nothing
to him. Castiel couldn’t decide if it made him happier or more upset that the
kid didn’t even notice he had been lied to. On one hand, Castiel wasn’t in
trouble. On the other, it just reminded him of all the other lies he was
telling. “Since you’re feeling better, mind if I stop by later tonight?”
“Well, it’ll probably be a late night for me Dean. Gabe and I just got
started.” Dean looked back and forth between the men for a moment, his smile
slipping.
“I don’t mind if it’s late. Not like my dad will notice.” He replaced the
falling smile with a new one, trying to keep the mood light. He didn’t want
Castiel to know how badly he needed to see him. How bad this past week had been
at home.
“Dean you should go home. It’s a school night.” Castiel’s voice was tight.
“We haven’t seen each other in almost a week Cas.” Gabe cleared his throat,
obviously growing uncomfortable. Castiel shifted in his seat, scratching at his
head.
“We saw each other today Dean.”
“You know what I mean.” Dean’s face was red. He wanted to scream at his
boyfriend. Wanted to tell him all the things he had been through in the last
week. All the fights with Sam, the late night fist fights with his father. He
wanted to tell him about the empty fridge he didn’t know how to fill, about the
paycheck he was about to get that barely had enough to cover a meal at
McDonalds. The three classes he was failing. The guidance counselor threatening
to call CPS on his family. The nightmares he’s been having about Castiel
leaving him. Dean didn’t even notice the tears were falling from his eyes until
Gabriel quietly excused himself to the bathroom.
“Dean calm down please.” Dean wiped viciously at his face, looking around to
make sure no one had noticed the small scene he was making. The last thing Dean
wanted was for this night to be the night they get caught. “Just take a deep
breath baby. Shh.”
“Why don’t you want me anymore?”
“Hey, I never said that. I’ve just been busy.”
“Bullshit.” It was a little louder than Dean had intended. One of the other
waitresses looked over at them. She was a senior. Castiel taught her class
sixth hour.
“Fuck.” Castiel whispered under his breath as she continued staring. He ran his
hand through his hair. His stance shifted from comforting to angry. It made
Dean flinch.
“Young man. Now is a completely inappropriate time to confront me about this.
If you wish to discuss the grade further you can speak to me tomorrow in
class.” Dean knew this was what needed to be done, but the cold gaze felt so
foreign. It also felt too real, as if a part of Castiel felt comfortable doing
this to him. Dismissing him in this way.
“Sorry.” Dean mumbled, walking away quickly. He left the bar without picking up
his check, without looking back. He ran into the nearest alleyway and fell to
his knees. The sobs wracked through him as he let everything go.
 
 
 
 
Castiel had three missed calls by the time he got back to his apartment. All
three from a boy he knew was probably falling apart. He hated every fiber of
his being as he hit the ignore button on the fourth one, pushing his way
through the door. He knew he was being horrible to Dean, but didn’t know what
else to do. He set his things down on the floor, loosening the tie from around
his neck.
He jumped at the sound of something dropping to the floor in his bedroom. He
was running through the apartment fast, pushing through the half open door
before he could blink. Dean was crouched on the ground, naked. There were
shards of glass in his hands as he picked up the pieces of a broken picture
frame. The picture was of his best friend and him, standing in front of their
bunk beds in Iraq. The room was tiny and cramped but the angle of it was so off
that it looked almost as if they were in a crappy dorm room. Both boys were
dressed in civilian workout clothes. Castiel’s heart jumped in his throat, even
though he knew Dean had no idea.
“I’m sorry!” Dean cried, picking up the pieces faster. “I was just looking for
the lube and I knocked it over. I’m sorry.”
Castiel walked forwards, his hands stretched out in a way that showed Dean he
wasn’t upset. He slowly turned Dean’s hand over, letting the glass fall back on
the floor. He picked up the broken frame, setting it back up on the table. He
made sure his eyes didn’t fall on the smiling faces. “Shh, it’s okay.”
“I broke it.” Dean whispered, his chest rising and falling fast with the silent
sobs.
“Pretty sure it was five bucks at Wal-Mart baby; it’s not a big deal.”
“But-“ Castiel lifted Dean, carrying him like a new bride to the bed. He tried
not to let his mind linger on how light the boy was. How underfed and young.
“It’s okay.” Castiel whispered as he slid Dean under his blankets. He laid
beside him, wrapping both arms around him. As he felt the boy melt into him his
heart sank. He knew now, just as he had all along, that there was no way he was
ending this. No matter how hard he tried, there was no lying. He was so in love
with Dean Winchester.
“Don’t leave me.” Dean cried out, his body shaking violently with a new batch
of sobs.
“I won’t.”
“You were gonna. I could,” Dean took in a few deep breaths, calming himself
down just enough to talk, “I could tell. I could feel it. You were gonna leave
me.”
“I’m sorry. Okay?” Dean started crying harder at the fact that Castiel didn’t
deny it. He really was going to leave him. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m not going
anywhere. I’m so sorry. I just got scared, okay? I just-“ Dean’s sobs didn’t
slow or quiet and Castiel began to worry that he wouldn’t be able to fix this.
“You don’t love me.”
“No.” Dean’s whole body shook so hard Castiel was having a hard time keeping a
firm grip. “No that is not true. Don’t you ever think that. I love you so much
Dean.” He kissed Dean’s forehead, then his cheeks. He tasted the salty tears on
his lips as he made them disappear. Dean’s cries faded to slow whimpers, before
dissipating altogether. Castiel kept whispering I love you over and over again
as his breathing began to regularize. After a few long minutes Dean fell
asleep, filling the room with a peaceful silence. Castiel shifted slightly,
letting himself get comfortable in the bed. He let himself drift off slowly,
not caring that the lamp was still on or that the boy in his arms wasn’t his to
have for the night.
***** Chapter 7 *****
Chapter Summary
     Here's another long one for you guys, since you guys are so great and
     still love me even though I take forever to update (:
Dean woke up to something nuzzling his cheek. He rolled away with a groan,
silently hating Sam for trying to wake him up so early. For Christ sake, his
alarm hadn’t even gone off yet. A wet kiss landed just below his jaw, right on
his sensitive spot and his dick twitched. Dean’s eyes shot open. Definitely not
Sam. It took him a moment to register where he was, but when he did his stomach
dropped. Castiel was straddling him, waking him up with kisses. All Dean wanted
to do was kiss him back but he couldn’t. He looked over at the clock on the
table but it wasn’t the right time. There was no way it was four in the
afternoon.
                “Wake up sleepy head.” Castiel whispered into his ear, a smile
playing on his lips. He kissed his jawline, making his way to his chin then up
to his lips. Dean didn’t kiss him back, causing Castiel to pull back.
                “What time is it?” Dean asked quietly. Castiel stared down at
him for a moment, confusion and worry playing on his face.
                “Five thirty.”
                “In the morning?” Dean was trying to keep the panic from his
voice. His dad was going to murder him. And Sam. Oh god, Sam is probably so
worried.
                “Yes. We gotta get going baby.” He was still smiling, which
annoyed Dean.
                “I’m gonna get my ass kicked Cas.”
                “No, you’ll be fine.” Castiel began trying to kiss him again.
Despite his best efforts Dean felt himself melting into the bed. His lips
molded against Castiel’s as his hands slid up Castiel’s naked sides. Castiel
shivered before lowering his lips to Dean’s chest. They were both gloriously
naked and hard.
                “Well I definitely won’t be fine.” Dean whispered in a low
voice as Castiel moved down his stomach, his lips inching dangerously close to
his dick. “But I’m gonna be in trouble either way now. Might as well enj-Ah!”
Dean cried as Castiel wrapped his lips around his dick. Castiel let out a
mischievous laugh before beginning to bob up and down. Dean tangled his fingers
into Castiel’s hair, pulling gently. Castiel moaned, sending vibrations up and
through Dean. Dean bucked his hips, already feeling the heat pool in his
stomach as his muscles tightened.
                “No. Cas. Gonna. Oh god. Gonna come.” Instead of slowing down
he sped up, pushing Dean right over the edge. He smiled as he swallowed every
last drop of the boy, watching as he twitched and jerked.
                “I love watching you fall apart.” Castiel whispered, licking
his lips. Dean offered him a lazy smile, running his fingers gently through
Castiel’s hair.
                “ ‘S long as you put me back together.”
                “Of course.” Castiel moved so that his lips were interlocked
with Dean’s. Dean brought his hand down to Castiel’s cock, jerking it as they
made out. The whole process was slow and lazy, but the only word on either of
their minds when Castiel finally spilled over onto Dean’s belly was    perfect.
 
 
 
 
 
                “Where have you been?” Sam whispered, confronting his brother
right outside the front door. Dean looked at him, both boys in the same
clothing as yesterday.     
                “Didn’t you wear that yesterday?” Dean asked him skeptically.
Sam looked down at his clothes before back up at Dean. He shifted his back pack
on his shoulder before chancing a glance at the half open door.
                “I could ask you the same thing.” Sam whispered in a menacing
tone. Dean’s eyebrows scrunched up as he looked past his brother at the door
way. He saw movement in the hallway, something that was rare this early in the
morning. “He’s angry.”
                Dean shook his head, pretending not to hear his brother. “I’m
sorry Sam. I’ll try and wash the clothes tonight.”
                “Dean I don’t care about my dirty clothes. Don’t go in there.
Let’s just walk to school, we already missed the bus.” Sam’s small body was
shaking with fear. He knew as well as Dean did that there was no way this was
going to end well.
                “Did you eat breakfast?”
                “There’s nothing here.” The two boys stared at each other for a
moment. A wave of anger passed through Dean as he pushed past his brother.
                “Wait here Sammy. Don’t come inside, no matter what you hear
okay?” He didn’t wait for his brother to answer, knowing he would listen. He
walked through the front door, slamming it shut behind him. His dad was
standing at the counter, a full glass of whiskey in front of him. Dean tried
walking past him to the bedroom, knowing that he wouldn’t make it. His father
struck out fast, catching Dean in the side of his head. Dean wobbled for a
moment before continuing walking. He made it a few more steps before his father
grabbed the back of his neck, throwing him down. He felt his head crack against
the tiled floor, his vision blurring for a second before focusing in time to
see his father take a sip of his drink.
                “Fucking bastard.” Dean didn’t realize until his father’s eyes
met his that he said this out loud. He scrambled to get to his feet as his
father’s stance shifted from angry to down right pissed off. He pushed his way
down the hall, trying to get to his bedroom before his father caught him. The
glass of whiskey exploded an inch away from his head as he fumbled with the
door knob. He felt heard his shirt rip as he was pulled back, his head smashing
against the wall. He heard the shatter of glass from behind him, realizing as
warm blood trickled down his scalp that he must have broken one of the few
picture frames up on the wall. This reminded him of Castiel, and for a brief
moment he smiled. The smiled was wiped from his face in the form of a fist.
Three punches later and his father released his grip on Dean’s shirt, letting
him slide to the floor. He wrapped his hand into Dean’s hair, pulling his face
up so that he could look at him. For a moment Dean’s breath caught in his
throat. It looked as if his dad was going to say something. But he didn’t,
instead shaking his head and walking away.
Dean waited a moment before standing up. He pushed into his bedroom on shaky
legs, looking for a new shirt. The nearest one he could find was a faded navy
blue shirt that was too big for him. It was Castiel’s. Dean tugged the bloody
shirt off his body, wiping his face with it before pulling the new one on. It
smelt of Castiel, which was the reason Dean had swiped it from his place. But
now he realized why else he loved it so much. It felt like Castiel was holding
him right now. In this moment, he was safe.
Dean grabbed his back pack, slinging it over his shoulder. He glanced in the
mirror mounted on the wall. His left side of his face was slightly yellow, a
large bruise forming quickly. His lip was split in two places and his cheek was
cut slightly. It was bad, but not the worst. Dean sighed, pushing his way
through the door. His father was sitting on his usual chair, staring at the
morning news. Dean whispered a goodbye to him, knowing full well his father
wasn’t going to hear it. He softly closed the door behind himself, offering Sam
a small smile before beginning to walk down the street. He checked the time on
his phone, knowing he wasn’t going to be lucky enough to miss his first hour.
***** Chapter 9 *****
“Dean.” Castiel whispered as he let his fingers slowly wander over the bruises
on his back. Dean remained silent, allowing his body to sink into the soft
sheets of Castiel’s bed. His eyelids fluttered shut as Castiel began kissing
the bruises. “Dean.”
“Please, don’t.” Dean knew they needed to talk about it. He knew that Castiel,
not only as his boyfriend but as his teacher, could not let this happen
anymore. He knew that the beatings had to stop, the days without food, the long
shifts at the Roadhouse, the struggle to pay rent. He knew it all had to stop,
but he didn’t want to talk about it yet. All he wanted to do was rewind twelve
hours; make it so he never left Castiel’s bed.
“Where is Sam?” Dean sighed, knowing Castiel wasn’t going to drop it.
“At a friends. Told him I would pick him up at seven.” They both tried not to
look at the clock, which now showed the correct time. 6:15.
“How are you going to pick him up?”
“It’s not far. Walking distance.” Castiel rolled his eyes, trying to keep calm.
“Dean, everything to you is walking distance.”
“Well yeah, I don’t have a car.” Castiel pondered this for a moment.
“Do you have your license?” Dean nodded. “So if you were to happen upon a car,
you would be able to drive it.”
“No.” Dean said firmly, lifting his head off the pillow.
“Why wouldn’t you b-“
“You are not buying me a car Cas.”
“I wasn’t planning on buying you a-“
“You’re not giving me one either.”
“Dean.”
“End of discussion.” Castiel knew that it really wasn’t, not if he didn’t want
it to be. He had pushed Dean through enough hoops to know that every bone in
the boy’s body was submissive. If Castiel wanted this conversation to continue,
it would. But he had bigger fish to fry, this one was not worth it tonight.
“Why don’t you see if he can spend the night?” Castiel asked quietly. Dean
shrugged his shoulders. It wasn’t that he didn’t think Sam would be able to,
Sam’s best friend’s mother wasn’t clueless as to the situation at home, but
wasn’t sure he was ready to have to talk to his dad again. He hated asking his
father for things, especially over the phone. Deciphering mumbles and grunts
always gave him a head ache.
“This really wasn’t that bad Cas.” Dean sighed, sitting up in the bed. “I can
go home. It’s really not a big deal.” Castiel felt a sharp pang in his chest.
He hated that this wasn’t bad to Dean. That the bruises and cuts and grumbling
tummy weren’t bad to him. They were normal.
“Dean this has to be the last time, okay?”
“And if it’s not?” Dean’s eyes were dark and cold. Castiel shivered, knowing
that this was going to end in a fight between the two of them.
“Dean.”
“I dare you Cas. I dare you to report him. To tear my family apart like that.”
“Dean.” Dean shook his head quickly, tears pricking at his eyes. He stood up,
putting as much distance as he could between himself and Castiel.
“Don’t. Just don’t.” Dean walked out, leaving Castiel behind. Castiel sat on
the bed, waiting for the sound of front door. When he was rewarded with a loud
slam he stood up, running his fingers through his hair. He picked up his cell
phone, dialing for the fifth time that day the number for Child Protective
Services. He had the damn thing memorized already. But just like the other four
times, he hit the red button instead of the green. He threw his phone down,
silently cursing himself.
 
 
The next time John hit Dean was six days later. Dean had burnt dinner, the last
possible food left in the house. It probably would have been edible too. The
noodles weren’t stale and the spaghetti sauce was only a few days expired. But
Dean had to pee so bad, and Sam was taking a nap. He didn’t want to wake him,
and he sure as hell didn’t want to ask his dad for help, so he left the food
unattended for a minute or two. When he came back it was burning. He didn’t
know how it had happened so fast, or why. All he knew was within seconds his
father was standing behind me. He slapped him in the back of his head as hard
as he could, sending Dean forward into the steaming pot. His hands went out to
steady himself, burning against the hot metal. Dean cried out but his father
grabbed his hand, holding it there. Dean could smell his flesh. His stomach
churned.
John let go, pushing him out of the way. He took the pot off the burner,
quickly dumping it into a fresh, cold one. It looked salvageable. John dumped
the meal into two large bowls, setting one down for Sam and taking the other
for himself. It was a silent command. Dean was not to eat. He waited for his
father to leave the room before letting out a strangled sob. He walked quickly
over to the sink, running his hand under the cold water. Sam walked in just as
Dean had wrapped a dirty dish rag around his bubbling hand.
“I burnt it a little bit. Doesn’t taste too bad.” Dean pushed out, his voice
strangled. Sam looked at him questioningly for a moment.
“You already ate?” This was unusual, Dean knew this. But he would rather lie to
his brother than tell the truth.
“Yeah. Sorry, I was so fricken hungry man.” Dean shrugged, offering his brother
a tight smile before walking down the hall to his room. He wanted so badly to
call Castiel crying, to tell him what just happened. But he knew he couldn’t.
Castiel believed him that things were getting better. Believed him that he had
actually had the balls to warn his father that enough was enough. He silently
prayed that this would heal quickly. He laid down on the bed, curling into a
ball, letting himself cry as he drifted off to sleep.
 
 
Dean’s phone went off for the third time in only seven minutes. Castiel sighed,
pausing his thrusting to look down at Dean. “You’re sure it isn’t important?”
Dean looked up at Castiel, and then down his body, taking in the two naked
forms joined together. He wiggled his ass a little, groaning at the feeling of
fullness. Nothing could be more important than this right here.
“I’m sure. Probably just Sam wondering if I’ll be home for dinner.”
“Will you be?” Dean glanced at the clock, sighing at the fact that it was
already past five. He knew if he didn’t make it home Sam would be able to cook
himself something, but he would pay for it later. His dad didn’t like when Dean
didn’t do his job. Cook, clean, watch Sam. The only things Dean is good for
according to John.
“Yeah. Hopefully.” The ringing had stopped by this point and Castiel began
moving again. His lips had just started molding together with Dean’s when the
phone went off again.
“Fucking Christ.” Castiel grumbled as he reached over to the table. He slammed
the phone into Dean’s waiting hand, gritting his teeth as Dean flipped it open.
“Someone better be dying Sammy.”
“Well, depends on if you mean right this moment or soon.” Dean shifted, knowing
Castiel could hear every word from the other side of the conversation. He
looked up, offering him a tight smile.
“What’s up?”
“Dad’s gone.” Dean’s muscles clenched as he took in a sharp breath. Castiel let
out a low groan at the sudden tightness. He mouthed an apology to Dean as Dean
stared up at him.
“What do you mean gone?” Dean asked before silently whispering to Castiel that
it was okay.
“Like gone. Packed up and left.” Sam’s voice was shaking. Castiel went to pull
out but Dean shook his head, holding him in place. He needed Castiel there more
than ever now. “He left a note.”
“What’s it say?”
“Gone hunting. Won’t be back for a few weeks. Take care of Sam.” Dean took in a
deep breath. He could almost hear Sam’s body shaking. This was both a very good
and very bad thing, both boys knew this. They didn’t have John in their lives
anymore, at least not for a while. They wouldn’t have to watch every step and
every word. They could breathe again. But hunting only meant one thing. One
very bad thing.
“I’ll be home in a minute.”
“No it’s fine. Jess’s mom is coming to pick me up in a few minutes anyway.
She’s giving me and Jess a ride to one of the girl’s in our class’ birthday
party.” Dean sighed in relief. There was no way he wanted to leave Castiel
right now.
“Okay. Can you have her call me?”
“Why?” Sam sounded skeptical, Dean knew why. He hated when Dean asked parents
to keep Sam overnight. He hated feeling like he was at a friend’s house because
he had to be instead of for fun.
“Just to make sure you’re safe, and to see what time I should expect you home.”
“Okay.” Dean could hear Sam shift awkwardly, and he wondered if his ride was
already there.
“Ya know what, I trust ya Sammy. Can you just text me what time you’re gonna be
home please?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
“Love you Dean.” Dean’s face turned red as he looked up at Castiel. He knew it
shouldn’t be a big deal, but for some reason he was embarrassed.
“Yeah, yeah. Love you too Sammy.” After the line went dead Dean dropped the
phone, letting it slide to the floor. He looked up at Castiel, trying to keep
himself calm. Castiel shifted, letting his body lay on top of
Dean’s. “My dad’s gone.”
“I heard.” Castiel softly stroked Dean’s cheek, wondering what the hell to say
or do. “I didn’t know he liked to hunt.” Dean flinched at this.
“Hunting.” Dean laughed, a sad and sarcastic laugh. “He doesn’t hunt. Not the
way you think at least.”
“What do you mean?”
“He hunts my mom. Ever since she left him. He gets a lead or hears a rumor and
he takes off.”
“Dean.” Dean didn’t realize he was shaking until Castiel said his name. Just
then did he realize how bad he was panicking.
“Me and Sam still haven’t decided what exactly he’ll do when he catches her.”
“You don’t think he’ll convince her to come back?” Dean scoffed at this,
shaking his head.
“No. No that won’t happen. Even if he tried she wouldn’t do it. He knows that.”
Dean lifted his hand, running his fingers through his hair. “I think he’ll kill
her. Sam just thinks that he’ll give up and come home but.” He trailed off,
letting his eyes slide shut. He took a deep breath before continuing. “But I
think he’ll kill her.”
“Dean.”
“Can we just pretend it didn’t happen?”
“Dean.” Castiel looked down at him, his gaze soft but assertive. He didn’t want
Dean wiggling his way out of this one.
“Please.” Dean bucked his hips, feeling Castiel harden inside of him. “Need
you. Make me forget.” Castiel stared at him for a long moment before bringing
his lips down to Dean’s. Dean didn’t ask for things often, but when he did
Castiel liked giving them to him.
***** Chapter 10 *****
“Ewww, fruit is fucking disgusting.” Dean scrunched his nose at the container
of mixed fruit, shaking his head.
“No, fruit is fucking healthy.” Castiel countered. They were at a grocery store
fifty miles out of town. Far enough, they had decided, that they wouldn’t get
caught together.
“If you’re going to force me to let you buy us food, it will not be shit like
that.” Castiel rolled his eyes, putting the fruit back down. He pushed the cart
further down the aisle, stopping at yet another section of healthy food.
“Rabbit food. NO.”
“What about Sam?” This got Dean to pause. He looked at the food again, eyeing
it up. He tried to remember back to when they were a family. Back when the
fridge had been stocked and a meal was on the table every night. He was pretty
sure Sammy liked this kind of stuff.
“Fine. I guess Sam would probably like this stuff.” Dean shrugged, a new wave
of embarrassment washing over him. He hated that Castiel was making him do
this. But he knew deep down they needed it. Knew deep down how happy Sammy
would be when he saw the fridge. They made their way up and down the aisles,
fighting every step of the way. Dean didn’t want him to buy things that were
too expensive; his reasoning being that Sam would wonder how they could afford
so many groceries that were so expensive. Castiel didn’t want to buy junk food,
knowing the boys needed healthy food for all the nourishment they were missing.
After two and a half hours they finally had a cart full of items they both
agreed on.
Once they filled the trunk Dean tried walking away. Castiel pulled him in
close, kissing him right out in the open. It made Dean’s body shake with
excitement. “Thank you for letting me do this. You will be rewarded.” He kissed
Dean on the tip of his nose before walking away to the driver’s side of the
car. Dean’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment as he let the feeling of being
loved and cared for wash over him.
 
 
 
“Woah, what the fuck happened to the fridge?” Dean tried to hide his smile as
he pushed around the sliced up chicken in the skillet.
“Hopefully nothing?”
“Shut up, you know what I mean. Where did all this come from?” Dean shrugged,
setting down the spatula so he could move onto stirring the noodles in the pot
beside him.
“I got some good tips this week, figured I would splurge.”
“What about rent?”
“Sam.”
“And laundry? And the money you need to ride the bus to work?”
“Sam.”
“You have to take this back Dean. It’s too much. All of this is too much.” Sam
was panicking, it was written all over his face. Dean cursed quietly to
himself, dropping the spoon he was using to stir the noodles.
“I didn’t buy it, okay Sam? It’s okay. I didn’t buy it.”
“You stole it!?” Sam screamed. His eyes were wide with shock and fear.
“No. Just calm down, okay?” Dean turned back to the stove, making sure nothing
was burning. Dean wanted nothing more than to explain to Sam what was going on.
Who had bought them this food and why. But he was afraid. What would Sam think?
“What are you making?”
“Chicken alfredo.”
“But we haven’t-“
“Had it in months, I know. But I rememebered it was your favorite.”
“Cut the crap Dean, what’s going on?” Dean took a deep breath, turning the
burner off. He began making each of them a bowl, pouring warm sauce over the
chicken and the noodles. “Dean.”
“My boyfriend bought them.”
“You’re boyfriend.” Sam’s voice cracked on the last part. He had his
suspicions, sure, but he had never really known.
“Yes Sam. My boyfriend.”
“Bought us groceries?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” Dean set both bowls down, now staring at his brother. Out of all the
things Sam could say right now, and he wants to know why?
“He knew we were running low.”
“Oh.” Sam scratched his head. He walked to the fridge, opening it once again.
The immense amount of food took his breath away. “Your boyfriend could afford
all this?”
“He’s, uh-“ Dean sat down, hoping Sam would do the same. “Older.”
Sam narrowed his eyes at his brother, taking a seat across from him. He pushed
the food around his bowl for a moment, trying to piece things together. “Like
he’s a senior?”
“Like he’s an adult.”
“Oh.” Dean watched as the wheels turned in his brother’s head. He wondered, for
the hundredth time today, if he was going to tell him the full truth or not.
“Yeah.”
“Like just out of high school adult?”
“No.” Dean gave his brother a tight smile. Sam didn’t return it.
 
“Dean.”
“Don’t be mad at me.”
“Dean.”
“Sam.” Both brothers stared at each other for a few seconds, before laughing.
They both hated being so serious. “You’re not gonna like it.”
“Try me.”
“Mr. Novak.”
“What?” But he knew. The question was only to buy himself some time to think.
Dean took a deep breath, pushing away the fear of Sam knowing this.
“It just happened.”
“No, tripping over a rock just happens. Swearing on accident in front of an
adult just happens. Dating a teacher doesn’t just happen.” Dean stared at his
brother, wondering for the first time when they hell he grew up. Dean sighed,
shoveling food into his mouth. Sam began doing the same. For a while they ate
in silence, until Sam took a deep breath and broke it. “Is he nice?”
“Yeah.” Dean smiled, nodding his head. “Yeah, he really is Sam.”
“Good.” Sam smiled, looking down at his food. “Tell him thanks, I guess.”
“I will.” Sam went back to eating. Dean cleared his throat. “Do you, I mean,
would you like to meet him?”
“Right now?” Sam sat up straighter, looking around as if Dean was going to
conjure him from thin air.
“No, when you’re ready. Maybe tomorrow or something?”
“Yeah.” Sam took in a large gulp of air. “Yeah, sure. I’m free tomorrow.”
“Cool.” Dean whispered. Sam nodded.
“Cool.”
***** Chapter 11 *****
“We have a problem.” Dean all but yelled as he strolled into Castiel’s
classroom a full ten minutes early. Castiel glanced at the two kids to his
left, making up a quiz. Dean stopped walking, staring at Castiel like a dear in
headlights. The two kids looked at each other in confusion.
“Ahh, Mr. Winchester. You must have seen your grade online.” Dean’s face
scrunched up for a moment before a slow smile spread across his face.
“Yes. Yes, I did.”
“Let’s just step outside and I can explain it to you.” Dean nodded as Castiel
stood up, giving the two student’s a brief smile. Once safely in the empty
hallway, with the classroom door closed behind them, Castiel turned a very
pissed off expression onto Dean. “What the hell babe?”
“We have a problem.” Dean repeated himself, trying not to get intimidated by
Castiel towering over him.
“What?” Castiel’s expression shifted from anger to concern. He glanced around
for a second before lifting his hand to Dean’s face. He only let the touch
linger for a moment before dropping, but it was exactly what Dean needed.
“He wants to meet you.”
“Who?” Castiel whispered, looking around as if the person was right beside
them.
“Sam.” Dean rolled his eyes. Castiel looked down at him, his eyebrows scrunched
up in confusion. If Dean wasn’t so annoyed he would find it completely
adorable. Castiel ran his fingers through his hair, causing it to be even more
messy than usual. This got Dean to smile.
“Why does Sam want to meet your English teacher?”
“Sam wants to meet my boyfriend.”
“Shh,” Castiel hushed Dean, looking around again as if someone was spying on
them. He took a step back from Dean right as the two students opened his door.
“Here you go sir.” The first one said, handing him the quiz. The second one
followed. Castiel thanked them before pulling Dean into his classroom.
“Okay, back track.”
“He saw the groceries and he started freaking out about how we couldn’t afford
that much food and all of that and he was panicking so I told him my boyfriend
bought them. And then I kinda told him who my boyfriend is.”
“Wow.” Castiel took a deep breath, then gave Dean big smile. “This is good.
Right?”
“Yeah. I mean, I think so.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“What if he doesn’t like you?” Dean asked, his eyes full of worry. Castiel let
out a loud laugh.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence baby.”
“I’m serious. Or what if you don’t like him? Or what if he get’s freaked out.
Or what if-“
“Hey, calm down.” Castiel leaned down, giving Dean a quick peck on the lips.
This shut Dean up right away. “He will love me, because you do. And I will love
him, because from what you’ve made him sound like, it won’t be hard.”
“I’m just so afraid. You two are my everything.” Dean’s cheeks flushed from the
confession, but Castiel’s smile widened.
“Well Dean Winchester, I gotta say. I’m honored to be put on the same level as
your Sammy.”
 
 
Castiel knocked on the door right as Sam finished setting the table. Dean’s
head shot up quickly at the sound. Both boys stared at each other for a moment.
“Want me to get that?” Sam asked quietly as Dean reached down to pull the
lasagna out of the oven.
“Uhh, no. No, I’ve got it.” Dean walked toward Sam, fixing the collar of his
flannel a little. “Be nice, okay?”
“Okay.” Sam replied, only the tiniest bit of sarcasm in his tone. Dean walked
over to the door, opening it slowly. Castiel smiled at Dean the minute he saw
him. It was a lazy, relaxed smile. He had changed out of his dress clothes from
earlier, now in a pair of faded jeans and a navy blue v neck sweater. His eyes
glowed bright with excitement.
“Hey you.” He shifted on his feet awkwardly, waiting to be invited in.
“Hey.” They both stared at each other for a few more seconds. Castiel’s smile
grew wider.
“You gonna invite me in, or am I meeting him out here?” Dean let out a nervous
laugh, and then let him in. Sam stood next to the table, both hands on his
hips. He had a careful smile on his face. “Hey Sam. Nice to meet you.” Castiel
offered up his hand, shaking Sam’s quickly.
“Yeah, nice to meet you too.” Dean couldn’t help but smile. His brother looked
so adult in this moment. Castiel and Sam eyed each other up for a moment.
“Hope you like lasagna.” Dean said awkwardly. Castiel rolled his eyes and
laughed.
“Dean, you asked me that twice today. I didn’t change my mind.”
“Right.” Dean offered them both a nervous smile. “Well then, I guess help
yourself.” Everyone shifted around each other for a moment, trying to figure
out where to go. After a few minutes they were all seated around the small
table, shoveling the food into their mouths. No one talked for what felt like
eternity.
“So Sam, how’s school going?”
“Good. I got all A’s this last quarter.” Sam looked up from his plate, pride
all over his face. Dean looked at him in confusion.
“You never told me that.” Sam shrugged, looking back down at his plate.
“You’ve been busy Dean.” Castiel coughed, pushing around the food on his plate.
“What do you think you want to go to college for?”
“Well, unlike Dean, I’m actually pretty set in my ways on that one.” Sam smiled
at Dean, giving him a little wink. It had been something they joked about all
the time. “I’ll either major in political science or English. Then head to law
school.”
“Nice.” Castiel smiled. “I majored in English. A few student’s in my classes
were planning on law school afterwards.”
“Did you always want to be a teacher?” Sam leaned forward, his interest
peaking. Castiel’s shoulders dropped a little. Dean instantly felt the mood
shift. Castiel gave Sam a tight smile.
“Not exactly. But life happens.” Dean watched him shift uncomfortably. The rest
of the night went smoothly, although Castiel was always just a little off. Sam
didn’t seem to notice at all, but Dean couldn’t help it. When Dean sent Sam to
bed around eleven he asked Castiel about it. Castiel shrugged the question off,
giving Dean a soft kiss goodnight before heading out the door.
***** Chapter 12 *****
“Who’s the guy in the picture?” Dean asked quietly one night as they were lying
on Castiel’s bed. Castiel’s eyes drifted over to the still broken picture frame
on the bedside table. He let them linger for a moment before bringing them to
look at Dean.
“He was my best friend.” Castiel’s voice was tight, broken. His chest began to
rise and fall a little faster. This was the moment, he could tell. “His name
was Michael.”
“Was.” Dean whispered. Castiel looked down at him, searching his bright green
eyes.
“You don’t want to know.” HE really didn’t. Castiel knew that if Dean had any
idea what was coming, he would drop it now.
“Well it sounds like it’s something important to you babe.”
“Yeah. He was.” Castiel cleared his throat. “He was like my brother.”
“What happened?” Castiel sat up, letting Dean fall off him. He ran both his
hands through his hair, taking in a deep breath.
“Well in order to tell that story, I’ve gotta tell a different one.”
“Okay.” Castiel stood up, pulling his boxers on. Then his jeans. He couldn’t do
this naked. Dean pulled the covers up to his chest, raising himself up onto his
elbows. Castiel walked over to his closet, opening up the door. With another
deep breath he took out a box. He brought it back over to the bed, placing it a
few inches away from Dean. Dean watched carefully as he opened it.
“I was fifteen when the Army recruiter came to our school. From that moment I
was, uh, I was hooked.” Castiel scratched his head, pulling out his dog tags
from underneath a pile of worn out letters. He handed them to Dean slowly. Dean
stared at them for a moment before grabbing them, as if touching them would
burn. He turned them slowly in his hands for a moment, his eyes glazed over
lightly. “I signed that dotted line the second I could. I loved it, every
minute of it. The training, the other soldiers, all of it. My first deployment
was only four months long. I volunteered for the second one. That’s where I met
Michael. His unit needed a sharp shooter, so I went.”
“Wait. Slow down.” Dean’s voice was shaking. He was squeezing the tags in his
hands, willing them to disappear. “You were in the Army?”
“Yes. Airborne Infantry.” Castiel couldn’t help but feel proud as he said it.
But the look on Dean’s face wiped all the pride away.
“How long?”
“A year and a half.” Dean scrunched his eyebrows. His grip tightened on the
tags.
“I didn’t know you could sign up for such a little amount of time.”
“You can’t.I was-“ Castiel’s fingers played with the letters in the box,
pushing them around a little. “Army was gonna be my career. I was in for good.”
“Was in it for good. Was my best friend.” Dean offered up a tiny, sad smile.
“Why do I have a feeling somethin’ bad happened.” Castiel ran a finger down
Dean’s cheek. Dean flinched, trying to pull away.
“Don’t hate me.”
“You lied to me. You let me sit there and bash something you obviously loved.
You-“ Dean stood up, still clutching the tags in his hand. Tears streaked his
cheeks. Castiel took a step forward, Dean stepped back. “Don’t touch me. Don’t
come near me.”
“Dean.”
“Stay right there. You can keep talking, just stay right there. Please.”
“Okay.” Castiel looked around, trying to remember where he left off. “Can I be
honest?”
“Oh,” Dean rolled his eyes, letting out a small laugh. “Now you wanna be
honest? Sure go ahead.”
“I-“ Castiel gritted his teeth. Now he was getting angry. He balled up his
fists. “I’m not ready to talk about what happened to him. What happened to us.”
Dean stared at him for a moment. His grip loosened on the tags. He looked down
at them again, looking more closely. One of them had Castiel’s name on it. The
other, Michael’s. Dean’s eyes slid closed as he silently thanked god he hadn’t
thrown them when he got upset earlier. He took three short steps towards
Castiel, handing them to him. Castiel took them, holding them gently in his
hands.
“I love you.” Castiel’s chest tightened at the sound of the words.
“You do?” He whispered. Dean’s lips quirked up a little.
“I do.” Dean put his hand over Castiel’s, so they were both holding the tags.
“I’m so fricken pissed at you. But I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Well you sure as hell better.” Castiel giggled, then Dean. They laughed for a
few seconds, everything lifting from their shoulders. Then their smiles both
slipped.
“I used to wear these, ya know.” He whispered.
“Well yeah, isn’t that a rule or something?” Dean asked softly.
“No, I mean I used to wear them just a few months ago. Up until the day you
gave that speech in class. That was when I realized how much it would hurt
you.”
“You should have told me Cas.”
“Would we be standing here if I had?” They both knew the answer to that. No.
Dean would have hated him from the start, out of principle. Castiel didn’t even
realize what was happening until Dean’s lips were crushed against his. The tags
started slipping from his fingers as he lifted his hands to cradle Dean’s face.
Dean caught them, pulling his lips away. He slid the chain over Castiel’s head,
watching as the tags fell against his naked chest. Castiel sighed with relief.
It felt like he had come home again.
“Those stay there as long as you want them to be there, understood?” Castiel
nodded slowly, a soft smile on his lips.
“Promise you won’t be like him?” Dean’s voice was almost below a whisper.
Castiel could barely make out what he was saying.
“Like who?”
“My dad.”
“Oh baby.” The tears slowly slid down his cheeks. Castiel wiped them away
gently, cradling Dean’s face in his callused hands. “I would never. I would
never hurt you. You’re my Zeppelin.”
***** Chapter 13 *****
The first night both boys slept over was a Tuesday. There was going to a bad
storm that night, most likely resulting in the cancelation of school. Dean had
mentioned the previous day that their heat was broken, the landlord saying it
would take at least a week to fix. Sam was at Castiel’s large oak table, his
books and folders sprawled out across half of it. Castiel walked over to him,
setting down a warm cup of hot chocolate right next to his pencil. “Need any
help bud?”
“Unless you can convince Mrs. Jonston that this much homework is cruel and
unusual. No.” Castiel laughed at the amount of grumpiness in Sam’s voice. Dean
walked into the room, a pair of Castiel’s sweatpants hanging low on his hips.
He scratched his bare chest as he walked over to the table, a smile on his
face.
“Eww, is that Earth Science?”
“Yup.” Dean cringed. He picked up the mug of hot chocolate, getting it half way
to his mouth before Castiel yelled at him.
“Yours is in the kitchen. Leave his alone.” Dean set down the cup, rolling his
eyes. He ruffled Sam’s hair softly before making his way towards the kitchen.
Castiel trailed behind me. Once out of sight, Castiel wrapped his arms around
Dean’s waist. He let a finger dip beneath his waistband. “These pants are
mine.”
“They sure are.” Dean let out a girlish giggle. He was so happy he didn’t even
get embarrassed by it. “But then again, so am I.”
“Yes, you are.” Castiel turned him around quickly, landing his lips on Dean’s.
“Hey Cas, can you help me quick?” Sam yelled from the dining room. They pulled
apart from each other, both of them smiling.
“Yeah, one sec little man!” Castiel landed one last long kiss on Dean’s lips
before strolling out. Dean leaned back against the counter, his eyes sliding
close. He smiled to himself as he listened to Castiel explain the shifting of
the Earth’s plates.
 
 
“You know, it’s only a few weeks until you’re eighteen.” Castiel whispered into
the darkness. They were both lying on their backs beside each other, trying to
calm their breathing from over an hour of sex. Dean smiled. “Couple months
after that and you’ll graduate.”
“Then we can do this publicly.” Castiel laughed at this softly.
“Well yes. Not what I meant though.”
“Oh?” Dean whispered.
“You ever think about trying to get custody of him?” Dean shifted
uncomfortably.
“That’d be shitty.”
“Really?” Castiel moved so that he was on his side, looking at Dean’s face lit
in the moonlight. “Why is that?”
“That would ruin my dad.”
“What about what will ruin Sam?” The air hung with a shrill silence. It was
deafening.
“I’m taking care of Sam.” Dean all but yelled. Castiel jumped. He brought his
hand out, gently touching Dean’s face. Dean swatted his hand away. “I take damn
good care of Sammy.”
“You do. I know you do baby.” Castiel touched his face again, this time without
Dean hitting him. “But imagine how much better you could take care of him if he
was yours to take care of.”
“Cas.”
“How old were you, the first time he hit you?” Dean shrugged. “Only a matter of
time until it’s Sam showing up to school with bruises.”
“Fuck off.” Dean rolled away from him, facing the wall. His shoulders rose and
fell fast, hard.
“Just think about it, please.” They both lay there for a long time. Castiel
stared up at the ceiling, his mind running off in a million directions. He
tried sorting through his thoughts, knowing if he fell asleep thinking about
Dean’s dad, or Michael, he’d have nightmares. He jumped when Dean spoke again,
thinking he had fallen asleep.
“Where would we live?”
“You pay rent, don’t you?” Dean lay there for a moment, his breathing shallow.
“Only half of it. The VA covers the other half.”
“You could live here.” Dean shifted in the bed so he could face Castiel.
“Really?”
“Yes, of course.” Both boys stared at each other. Dean sighed loudly, then
closed his eyes.
“I’ll think about it.” Castiel smiled at him before shutting his own eyes.
“All I ask Zeppelin.”
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Summary
     Here you go my friends. Just a warning, this one made me cry while
     writing it so apologize ahead of time if this hits ya in the feels!!
     It's a bit short, but the next one if preeettty long so be patient!
     (Also if you could comment and give me some feedback, more fluff,
     more smut? Should I be going faster with moving the plot along or do
     you want some more fluff???) (:
“Sammy.” Dean whispered, leaning up against the door frame of Castiel’s guest
bedroom. Sam was tucked into the bed, a book perched in his lap. Sam looked up,
flashing Dean a genuinely happy smile. For a moment it took Dean’s breath away.
“Can we talk?”
“Uhh,” Sam glanced down at his book, not really wanting to be interrupted.
“Yeah, sure. What’s up?”
“It’s about-“ Dean stepped into the room, then back again, not sure where to
go. “Well I guess it’s about everything.” Dean settled back against the
doorframe, finding it the safest option.
“You’re worrying me.” Sam’s eyebrows furrowed as he slowly closed his book.
Dean shook his head, laughed a little.
“Don’t be worried. I just need to know a few things.” When Sam nodded he
continued. “How do you feel, about me and Cas?”
“I like him.” Sam’s voice was so matter of fact. It made Dean smile.
“Yes, but how do you feel about the relationship. About being around us?”
Dean’s voice was strangled. Out of all the questions he was going to ask
tonight, this was the second most important.
“I never knew what love was like,” Sam shrugged, looking anywhere but Dean. “I
don’t remember mom and dad together, and well, Dad’s not the most loving.”
“I know.”
“And I mean, we love each other, but it’s nice. It’s nice seeing that kind of
love too.” Sam shrugged again, his cheeks red with embarrassment. “It’s nice
seeing you happy.”
“So it doesn’t bother you. That he’s a guy. And he’s older?”
“No.” Sam rolled his eyes. “I may be young but none of that matters Dean. We’ve
been homeless before. I’ve seen you beaten and bloody before, from our own
father. I don’t give two fucks about that stuff.”
“Watch your language.” Dean snapped, with a shit eating grin on his face. Sam
just laughed, shaking his head. The brothers exchanged a knowing look for a
moment before the mood in the room shifted. “Dream world Sammy, what do you
want to happen?”
“Dream world?” Sam’s eyes lit up. Dean backtracked a little, realizing Sam
didn’t fully comprehend.
“I mean, a realistic dream world. With the situation we’re in.”
“Honestly?” Sam’s eyes didn’t lose any of the light. Dean smiled and nodded. “I
don’t want to ever see him again.”
“Sam-“
“No.” Sam shouted. “You asked, I get to answer. I know he is our father, but
you’re more of a father to me than he ever was. I don’t even remember the sound
of his voice, or what his smile looks like. Far as I’m concerned, you’re my
only family. So I don’t want to ever see him again.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?” Sam asked incredulously.
“Yes, Sammy.” Dean sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. He took a few steps
forward, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Sam stared at him, his mouth
slightly opened. “This is hypothetical, okay?”
Sam’s face crumbled. He took in a short breath, trying to control his emotions.
He had believed his brother. “Okay.” He whispered.
“I turn eighteen at the end of the month. It’d be tough. Shit Sammy, it’s be
really tough, but I could fight for you. Fight to get custody of you. It’d
probably get ugly. I’d probably have to tell a lot of people about Dad. But I
could do it. In just a couple weeks.”
“Where would we live?”
“Well, I would try and find us our own place but Cas offered for the time
being.”
“What about food and clothes? What about school?” Sam’s voice was paniced, but
there was excitement underneath.
“I would take care of all of that. You would keep going to school.”
“But that’s expensive. And I’m a handful. I mean, what about when I’m sick or
when I start getting girlfriends or when I have to learn to drive?” Dean
laughed, a full on belly laugh.
“Woah there kiddo, don’t get ahead of yourself.” Dean shook his head. “I would
take care of you Sammy. Through all of that.”
“What about college?”
“There’s one just up the road. It’s a community college, but that’s all my
grades are good for anyway.” Dean shrugged.
“I want to.” Sam nodded. He looked like a little ball of energy about to blow.
“Please Dean, I want that. All of that.”
“It’s just hypo-“
“No.” Sam shook his head furiously. Dean’s smile slipped away, replaced with
something more. “No, Dean. Promise me.”
“Okay.”
“No. Promise.” Sam was choking back tears now. “Promise me the minute you turn
eighteen you’ll take me away.”
“I promise.” Sam started sobbing, throwing himself into Dean’s arms. Dean
cradled his small body, his own tears spilling down his cheeks. “I promise
Sammy. I promise.”
***** Chapter 15 *****
Chapter Summary
     Okay, here's some more happy fluff!! Next chapter won't be so happy,
     so enjoy while it lasts :(
     -For all the people who have been commenting, I LOVE YOU GUYS. You
     make me smile every time, and your comments definitely encourage me
     to keep writing!! So thank you, thank you, thank you , thank you (:
“How about we go get a Christmas tree?” Castiel asked over Sunday breakfast.
Sam’s eyes drooped from being woken up so early, and his long hair was pushed
in different directions. Dean’s head was resting in the palm of his hand,
Castiel’s large grey shirt hanging loosely off one shoulder. Both of them sat
straighter at the question.
“Really? Like an actual Christmas tree?” Sam asked, his voice husky with
exhaustion. Dean put down his fork, looking up at Castiel with a big smile on
his face. Castiel gave them both a questioning look.
“Well, it is only a week until Christmas boys.” Dean looked at Sam, who looked
back at him. They both shrugged.
“Yeah, sorry.” Dean said, his mouth full of French toast. “Just not used to the
whole Christmas thing.”
“You guy don’t do Christmas?” Castiel asked, surprise in his voice.
“We used to.” Sam whispered. Dean glanced at his younger brother, a sad smile
on his face.
“But a Christmas tree sounds like fun, hey Sammy?” Sam’s eyes brightened at
this.
“You mean, we can actually do it? Dad won’t get mad at us?” Sam looked as if he
was about to bounce out of his seat. His smile was incredible.
“I don’t see dad around, do you?” Dean asked quietly. Sam smiled and shook his
head. “Then I don’t see why not.”
Castiel smiled at the two of them. “Get dressed, then we can go pick one out.
There’s a place the next town over that sells really big ones.” Sam hopped up,
leaving his half eaten breakfast on the table. Dean didn’t even yell after him
to finish his meal, instead standing up to join him.
 
Castiel sat in his old leather recliner in the corner of the living room, a mug
of hot chocolate in his hands. A vintage Elvis Christmas vinyl was spinning
slowly on the record player in the corner. Dean and Sam were standing side by
side, staring at the bright green Christmas tree. Both of their backs were
straight, their arms crossed tightly against their chests. They had been
staring at the blank tree for a few minutes now, as if it was the most
important thing in the world.
“I believe you begin with the star.” Dean stated finally, his face serious.
“No, no that can’t be right. I feel like that should be the final thing. The
icing on the cake, you know?” Sam quietly said, his face matching his brothers.
They went back to staring at it again, both of them contemplating. Castiel took
a sip of his drink, trying hard not to smile. He had offered his own advice
when they started this, but they didn’t want his opinion. They told him to sit
down and shush, he gets Christmas every year. This is their turn. Castiel’s
kind of glad though. He found it incredibly amusing.
“You’re right. The star is last.” Dean confirmed. They both nodded. The song
switched, leaving the room completely silent for a few seconds. Dean shifted
his weight, tilting his head to look at the tree from a different angle. Sam
glanced at his brother, then did the same.
“The lights should probably go first.” Dean said. Sam stared for a long time
before shaking his head.
“No, the ornaments.”
“This is rocket science guys, you just-“
“Shut up!” Both boys yelled at Castiel, not moving an inch of their bodies as
they continued to stare at the tree. Castiel took another sip of his mug,
trying like hell not to laugh at them. He looked at Dean, watching him as he
stood there in Castiel’s baggy sweatpants and t-shirt. At that moment he fell
even more in love, if that was possible, with Dean Winchester.
“Oh, the tree thing! The skirt!” Dean cried out.
“Shit, yeah!”
“Language!” Dean yelled at his brother. They stared at each other for a long
moment, their faces still serious. Then Dean cracked a smile, reaching out to
mess up Sam’s hair.
“Okay.” Sam said through a small laugh. “So the tree skirt, then the..” He
looked at Dean for his opinion.
“Lights. I think Light’s should go next.” Sam stared at the tree again, his
arms still crossed. Then he nodded quickly.
“Yes. Skirt, lights, then ornaments.. then star?” They both stared for a
moment. Then they nodded at the exact same time.
“Okay!” Castiel exclaimed, setting his mug down on the coffee table so he could
stand up. Both boys turned to him, looking as if they had completely forgotten
he was there. “Let’s get started.”
Castiel went into the other room quickly, bringing back a giant box full of
decorations. Both of the boy’s eyes lit up. They jogged over to the center of
the living room where he set the box down. Dean tore the lid off of it. “Hey,
calm down! Some of this stuff is fragile.” The boys slowed, but they definitely
didn’t stop. They put strings of white lights on, then strings of multicolored
ones. After that they put on glass balls of all different sizes and colors.
They added a few ornaments Castiel had that weren’t store bought, things from
back home. When it was all done Castiel grabbed a chair from the dining room,
helping Sam get up on it. Dean stood in front of Castiel, their bodies pressed
tightly together, as they watched Sam put the star on top. Castiel motioned to
the outlet on the wall, telling Sam to plug it all in, then he wound his arms
around Dean’s waist, pulling him in tighter.
When the tree lit up Dean gasped. Sam came and stood next to them, leaning his
head on Castiel’s shoulder. They all stood there, their own tiny little family.
Dean whispered. “Thank you.” Castiel landed a soft kiss on top of Dean’s head,
then Sam’s.
“Anything for you two boys.” Castiel whispered. “Anything.”
***** Chapter 16 *****
“I’ve got a buddy from the Army who’s a lawyer. Lives about 45 minutes away.”
Cas told Dean quietly after class. Dean’s eyes flickered to the open classroom
door, making sure no one was walking in yet.
“How is he already a lawyer?” Dean asked, purposely getting sidetracked.
“He’s not my age. He’s six years older. He was already done with college when
he signed up. Didn’t know what he wanted to do with the rest of his life.”
“Was he there, when it happened?” Dean’s voice was quite. Castiel took a deep
breath, trying to calm his annoyance.
“Yes, he was one of the seven that got discharged after the mission.” Dean went
to say something, but Castiel cut him off. “I was thinking about calling him on
my lunch break, asking his opinion on the matter.” Castiel watched Dean’s face
for any sign of recognition, but it was blank. “If you don’t mind?”
“I told you I’m not ready for that yet.” Dean said, a little too loudly.
Castiel shushed him, glancing over his shoulder to check if any students had
appeared for next hour.
“You’ve been saying that for two weeks now. I thought this was what you
wanted?” Dean shrugged, slowly exhaling a breath.
“I don’t know what I want anymore.” Dean shook his head, slowly backing away.
The first student had strolled in, taking a seat just a few feet away from
them.
“Dean!” The student snapped her head up, giving them a quizzical look. Castiel
glanced it her, offering her his best fake smile. Dean just walked out, shaking
his head as he went. Castiel turned around, facing away from the rest of the
students walking in. He ran a hand down his face, trying to figure out what to
do. Every day since Dean made that promise to Sam, he gets more and more
unsure. Sam had been asking him the last few days if it was still happening,
this look of pure hope on his face. It killed Castiel every time Dean shrugged
him off or ignored the question all together.
“Okay.” Castiel said out loud, more of an exasperated exhale than a word. He
was still facing away from the students, his hands resting on his hips. “Okay.”
He repeated, turning around quickly. He clapped his hands together, pasting a
smile on his face. “Today we’re going to be talking about Shakespeare.”
 
 
“Angeles Law, this is Amanda. How may I help you?” The girl’s voice was light
and airy. Castiel smiled at the obvious politeness in her voice.
“Uh, this is Cas. Castiel Novak. I need, uh, need to speak to Balthazar
please?” Castiel shook his head. Usually he sounded so professional on the
phone, but today his mind was full of too many thoughts.
Too many worries.
“I’m sorry, he does not take calls without appointments. Would you like to
schedule something or is this emergent?” The politeness was annoying now.
Castiel rolled his eyes, biting his lip.
“It’s emergent.” He knew it was a lie, but he couldn’t go another day without
doing this. He was going crazy just sitting around. “Just tell him it’s Castiel
Novak.” His voice was stern and impatient now. She sighed loudly, then asked
him to please hold. Less than a minute later he heard a familiar voice on the
other line.
“Novak, long time no talk.” He could hear the smile in Balthazar’s voice.
Castiel smiled softly, but it started to slip as memories of him, Balthazar and
Michael came rushing back. The last time they spoke was at Michael’s funeral,
over four years ago. There was a reason they didn’t talk anymore. It was easier
this way.
“I know man, how’ve ya been?”
“Good.” Balthazar sighed. “How have you been?”
“Oh, you know.” The silence hung for a moment. Balthazar knew, he was the only
one who knew. The other four guys involved in the mission knew too. They knew
what it sounded like to walk down a silent road when an IED explosive goes off
just a few feet away. They knew what it was like to hear ringing in their ears,
fighting to see through the spots of black in their eyes. They knew what it was
like to watch a body get jerked in the air from bullets, swinging left to right
as they rain down. They knew what it was like to put their hands on squirting
holes, trying to control the bleeding. But they didn’t know like Castiel and
Balthazar did. They didn’t know what it felt like to watch your best friend
silently move his lips, fighting against the mouthful of blood to whisper his
final words. They didn’t know what it felt like to see the life slip out of the
eyes of a boy you called your brother. They didn’t know. But Balthazar did.
“Yeah,” Balthazar whispered. “Yeah, I know.” The silence was long as both of
their minds wandered. Balthazar coughed after a while. “Heard you’re teaching
now?”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, saw your dad the other day. He said you left home, had to get away.”
“Yeah.” Castiel’s eyes slid closed. It had been a while since he thought of his
family. The only family member he still spoke to was Gabriel, and even that
only happened every so often. None of them understood him when he got home.
They all got tired of his drinking and silence. They all got tired of his
anger.“Yeah I’m teaching at a high school in some small town.”
“Nice man. That’s good.” He laughed softly. “I’m assuming from the amount of
poetry you always shoved down our throats that you’re teaching English?”
“Yeah,” Castiel let out a loud laugh. “Yeah, you would be correct in that
assumption.” They both laughed again, their minds filling with memories again.
This time ones with smiles on their faces and laughter in the air.
“Congratulations on law school man.”
“Thanks. Life’s too fucking short, ya know? Figured I’d go after my dream.”
“Is it everything you wanted it to be?”
“Yeah.” Balthazar let out a content sigh. “Yeah, man it’s great.”
“Speaking of life being short..” Castiel said nervously. “I’m in love.”
“No way.”
“Yup.”
“You? Castiel Novak? Mr. “I hate relationships and love, all it does is hold
you back”?”
“Well, I’m not that Castiel anymore man.” Silence hung again. “Things change.”
“Well, congratulations man. Who’s the lucky guy?”
“His name’s Dean. He’s a,” Castiel bit his lip, his voice shaking. He was about
to admit to a crime to a lawyer. This was bad, really bad. But it’s Balthazar,
he reminded himself. “He’s a student.”
“Fuck.” Castiel could hear things shifting in the background as Balthazar
shifted to a more businesslike position. “Fuck man. I’m gonna assume that’s the
emergency. You got caught?”
“No.” Castiel said quietly. “No, not yet at least.”
“Is he threatening to tell?”
“No!” Castiel almost shouted. “No, it’s got nothing to do with that. With our
relationship. Well I mean I guess it does, but no.”
“Alright man, you’re confusing the shit out of me now.”
“This is between us, okay? I’m not talking to a lawyer right now, I’m talking
to my friend.”
“Yes, of course.” Castiel looked up at the clock, realizing he was running out
of time until his lunch was over. He swiveled his chair, now staring out the
window.
“Okay. So his home life situation is really shitty. His father is a veteran,
and his mother left when she couldn’t handle his PTSD. His dad is, man his dad
is fucked up. He drinks all the time, morning to night. He doesn’t talk, like
at all. And he-”
“Man, you’re describing yourself when we got home.” Balthazar said it firmly,
knowing it would upset Castiel.
“This isn’t about me.” Castiel said loudly, his voice menacing.
“You were exactly like that though. You couldn’t-“
“Can you please not point out all of the ways I am like my boyfriend’s father?
Because I am not like him, not anymore.”
“I know, but give him a break. You got better, right? Maybe he can too.”
“HE can’t, he’s-“
“Novak.”
“Just listen to me, okay?” Castiel begged, his voice shaking.
“Okay.” Balthazar said firmly, prodding him to go on.
“That’s not the only stuff. He does stuff I would never do. Like he hits Dean.
And not just pushing around every once in a while, not that that would be okay
either, but he beats the shit out of him. Beats him unconscious. And he’s crazy
about their mom, he keeps trying to find her, he tells them he’s hunting her.
Like gonna kill her.” Castiel took a breath before continuing. “Dean’s almost
eighteen, but he has a little brother who’s only twelve.” Castiel sighed,
rubbing a hand over his face. “He wants to get custody of him, so they can both
leave.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah.” Castiel waited but Balthazar said nothing. The other line was dead
quiet. “So how realistic is that?”
“Novak. You’ve gotta break this off.”
“But-“
“No. Do you know how much trouble you could get into?”
“Balthazar.”
“You would lose your job. You would go to prison, and be registered on the sex
offenders list.” Balthazar’s voice grew in intensity. “You wouldn’t be able to
have him anyway if that happens.”
“Man, I don’t need a lecture okay? I’ve thought about that. I love him.”
“Fuck that man. Do you know how many people I’ve helped after being put on a
sex offenders list? One guy got put on there when he was seventeen for having
sex with his fifteen year old girlfriend. Now
he’s twenty four, working at a fast food joint even though he has a college
degree because no one will hire him. He has a wife and a six year old daughter,
but she’s not allowed to have any friends over to play or sleep over because
he’s a sex offender. Not allowed around children. He can never go to his
daughter’s school plays, or sports events. He can’t even go to her high school
graduation.”
The bell rang and Castiel jumped.“Just, man just tell me. Is it realistic?”
“YES.” Balthazar sighed. “Yes, it sounds like he’s probably got a case.”
Silence hung between them for a few moments. “Tell you what, meet me at the
Roadhouse Friday night, bring him with. We can talk more about it.”
Castiel’s eyes slid shut in relief. “Thank you.”
“Yeah yeah yeah.” He could hear the smile creeping back into Balthazar’s voice.
“Just, be careful man, okay? Just.. be careful. Be smart.”
“I will.”
“Good.” They both got ready to hang up. Just as Castiel was about to say
goodbye Balthazar jumped in. “Thanks for calling man. It’s good to hear from
you. Really good.”
“Yeah. It’s good to talk to you. I’ve missed you.” Castiel was shocked at how
true the words were. Balthazar laughed quietly.
“You have a boyfriend, stop being so gay.” Both men laughed loudly, hanging
onto their phones like their lives depended on it. The second bell rang.
Castiel sighed.
“I’ve gotta go. See you Friday, around six?”
“Yeah man. See ya then.” Castiel hung up the phone, a smile on his face. When
he turned his chair around the smile disappeared as his eyes set on Dean a few
feet away, leaning against the door frame.
***** Chapter 17 *****
Chapter Summary
     It may be two or three days until the next post. I received news
     yesterday that an old friend of mine killed himself, so I don't know
     how much time I will have between traveling home for the funeral and
     spending time with loved ones. Hopefully I can power write tonight or
     tomorrow so I have a few chapters saved for you guys. This one really
     kind of ends with a cliffhanger/shocker, so I am sorry! I will try to
     update as soon as possible so I don't leave you all in emotional
     turmoil. Love you guys!
“How long have you been standing there?” Castiel asked quietly.
“Long enough.” Dean replied harshly.
“Dean-“
“What do you mean, you’re like my dad?”
“Dean-“
“No, stop. Stop saying my name and fucking answer me.” Dean’s face was bright
red as he pushed away from the doorframe, taking a few steps towards Castiel.
Castiel put his hands up, his face pleading.
“Calm down.”
“Answer me!” Dean yelled. The chatter in the hallway quieted down as a few
people glanced inside the classroom, wondering what was going on. Castiel
looked around, assessing the situation.
“When I got home from Iraq, all I did was drink. I was drunk all the time,
okay? And I didn’t talk a lot. I barely spoke at all, not even to my family. I
mean I did a speech at Michael’s funeral but other than that I said nothing. I
didn’t think there was any words left saying anymore. And I was pretty angry,
picking fights at bars and with my dad and my brothers. I was a mess.” Dean’s
body started shaking and Castiel regretted telling him the truth. He should
have lied. He should have said he just meant that they’re both veterans. “Dean,
I promise you. I’m not like him.”
“You promised me, when you first told me. You promised me you would never be
like him.”
“I won’t be!” Kids were starting to pile up outside the open door, not sure if
they should come inside the classroom or not. Bile rose up in Castiel’s throat.
“You already were! What’s gonna stop you from going back to that?” Castiel saw
the principle push his way through the crowd.
“You, Zeppelin. You’ll stop me.” Dean didn’t have time to answer before the
principle came forward, taking Castiel by the arm. He led him to his office,
asking him questions about what the hell was going on. Castiel heard nothing.
Nothing besides the sounds of Dean sobbing behind him.
 
 
“What seems to be the issue, Mr. Novak?” The principle asked, his voice level.
Castiel took in a deep breath, trying to sit straight up and down on the
uncomfortable leather chair. The principle sat across from him, his elbows
resting on the desk, waiting for an explanation.
“Mr. Winchester was,” Castiel struggled for the word. The principle waited
patiently. “Upset.”
“Obviously.” He sighed, shifting so that was sitting straight up too. “For any
particular reason?”
“He has been confiding in me. His father is a veteran, like me.” Castiel
cleared his throat, surprised at how easily the words were spilling now. “He’s
just been coming to me for adjustment advice. Today he got upset, when he
realized the similarities between his father and I. He didn’t think he could
trust me anymore.”
“It sounded a little more personal than that, Mr. Novak.” Both men stared at
each other for a moment. “Sounded a lot more personal actually.”
“We’ve grown closer over the past few months. I think of myself as somewhat of
a mentor for him.”
“A mentor.” The principle stated, an amused smile on his face.
“Yes.”
“Well, I suppose that’s one word for it, right?”
“I don’t know what you-“
“Christmas break starts day after tomorrow.”
“Yes, Sir. It does.” Castiel’s hands began shaking violently as he tried to
keep his voice even. The principle handed him a sheet of paper, a layout for a
letter of resignation.
“I expect your letter of resignation on my desk first thing Friday morning.”
The principle stood up, offering his hand to Castiel. Castiel just stared at
it. “We are sad to hear you don’t find our school a good fit for you, but we
will be more than happy to be a great reference for your next employer.”
“Uhh, wait.” Castiel stood up slowly. The principle grabbed onto his hand,
shaking it firmly.
“Castiel, please. I don’t want to investigate this. I don’t want to fire you or
call the cops. You and I both know that was personal.” The principle sighed.
“Those Winchester boys have been through a lot, so I want you to leave this
school and leave that boy alone.”
“I’m trying to help him.”
“Helping him or not, that letter needs to be here Friday morning. I’ll put a
good word in, I’ll try and help you find another job the best I can. But
helping Dean or not helping Dean, do it from a different school.”
***** Chapter 18 *****
Chapter Summary
     I am a total bum head. I was so upset when I was packing and trying
     to get things figured out for the funeral that I forgot to bring my
     laptop :( Thank you everyone for all of your comments and support.
     Now that I am back home I am back to writing, and holy crap do I have
     a lot to write about!!!! I am writing like crazy right now, I can't
     get the words down fast enough. I know this chapter isn't very long
     but I figured it was about time I gave you guys something. You'll
     probably get more tonight, but enjoy (:
“Where’s your brother?” Castiel asked, barging through the unlocked apartment
door. Sam was at the tiny kitchen table, doing his homework. He looked up,
staring at Castiel. The boys hadn’t been here in over a week. You could already
tell that it had gone a while without being lived in. Compared to the coziness
of Castiel’s house, this was cold and lonely.
“He’s working.” Sam whispered, looking down at his homework.
“He doesn’t work tonight.” Castiel said, trying to keep his voice calm. Sam
shrugged.
“He picked up a shift.”
“Why?” Sam didn’t answer. “Why aren’t you guys at my place?” Sam remained
silent. Castiel sighed, shaking his head.
“He told you.”
“He told me I’m not allowed to talk to you.”
“Why?”
“If I told you then I would be talking to you.”
“But you’re talking to me right now.” Castiel whispered, sitting down across
from Sam. Sam lifted his eyes slowly and Castiel noticed he had tears pooling
in the corners of them.
“He said that you don’t want us anymore.” Sam’s lower lip began shaking.
“I do.” Castiel reached across the table to grab Sam’s hand, but Sam took it
away. “Sam, I could never not want you.”
“He said we shouldn’t want you either. Said we let ourselves get too close, we
were bound to get hurt.”
“Yeah, that sounds like Dean.” Castiel stared at Sam for a long moment before
sighing. “Pack this all up, and whatever else you need. Then meet me in my car.
You’re not staying here, okay?” Sam slowly nodded, standing up and gathering
his books. “I’ll be out in the car, just come when you’re ready.” Castiel
walked outside quickly, slamming the door a little harder than intended as he
left. He climbed into his vehicle, resting his head on the wheel. He needed a
drink.
 
 
After dropping Sam off with a promise to be back soon, Castiel headed to the
Roadhouse. It was only a ten minute drive from his house, but there were three
bars on the way that each called his name. The third one got him. He pulled
into the gravel parking lot, telling himself he would only have a quick beer.
Just something to drink while he thought about what he was going to do. But
after three failed attempts at getting ahold of Dean, one beer turned into
three. Then into five. On his sixth one he decided it’d be a good idea to head
over to the Roadhouse now. Just in case he needed a little encouragement, he
topped it off with a glass of scotch.
When Castiel jerked into the parking lot of the bar and grill he saw Dean
standing outside, smoking a cigarette. When Dean caught sight of him he dropped
it to the ground, stomping on it quickly before rushing back inside. Castiel
slammed into park, hopping out before he even had time to take the key out of
the ignition. All Castiel kept thinking to himself was “I love him. I can’t
lose him. I love him.” Once inside he realized just how dead the night was.
There were only two couples in the entire place. The Roadhouse hadn’t needed
Dean tonight. Dean had needed the Roadhouse.
“Dean!” Castiel yelled after the retreating boy. Dean froze in the middle of
the floor. Everyone in the place stared at them.
“Leave me alone.” Dean said quietly over his shoulder. Castiel walked towards
him slowly, his hands stretched out.
“Dean.”
“Mr. Novak, I am at work right now. This is hardly the time or place.” Dean’s
voice was lifeless, just as Castiel’s voice had always been when he talked to
Dean in front of students. Castiel knew that this wasn’t something that needed
to be done here. That this conversation could happen later, when Dean wouldn’t
get in trouble. But something, maybe the alcohol, wouldn’t let Castiel walk
away.
“I’m not Mr. Novak anymore. At least not after Friday. I got fired.” Castiel
tried sounding like Dean had but instead of sounding lifeless it sounded
broken, desperate. Dean turned around, his face full of concern.
“They fired you?” Dean’s lips were shaking as he formed the words. They stared
at each other for what felt like eternity.
“Technically I resigned.” Dean shook his head, trying to understand. “It
doesn’t matter, okay? All that matters is we can be together now!” Dean took a
step back, putting more distance between him and Castiel. He shook his head,
this time a lot more violently.
“No.”
“Yes, Dean we can be-“
“No!” Dean yelled. Castiel jumped at the sudden anger. “I am so fucking sick of
people who break promises. People who do that don’t mean shit to me.”
“Dean.”
“You lied to me, about being in the Army. But I forgave you, because I LOVED
you. But this,” Dean gestured in between them, “this is done. No more lies or
broken promises.”
“Dean, I promise. No more lies, okay? You know everything now. We can be
together now. We can-“
“Fucking stop Cas. Shut up! This is done. We are done.” Dean’s boss came out of
the back, her hand resting gently over her mouth. Castiel glanced at her for a
moment, trying to gage whether or not she
was going to interrupt. When he decided she wouldn’t he stepped forward, words
falling out of his mouth quickly.
“Are you fucking kidding me? I just lost my job for you. I could have gone to
jail for you. Hell I still could. I cooked for you and shopped for you. I took
care of you and your brother. I-“
“You didn’t lose your job for me. You just said you resigned.” Dean’s face was
beat red with anger.
“They forced me to resign. If I didn’t hand in a letter of resignation by
Friday they’re gonna do an investigation on our relationship. It was either
resign or get fucking arrested!” When Dean didn’t say
anything Castiel got angrier. “I took care of your ass. I fucking loved you,
and this is what I get? I don’t tell you about the worst part of my life
because I’m ashamed and I don’t want you to see me like that, and you leave me?
You just write me off because of how I used to be? I’m different now. That was
a long time ago.” Castiel didn’t realize he had Dean backed up into a wall
until he heard Dean cry out. When he looked down his hands were grasping Dean’s
upper arms tightly, most likely pressing bruises into them. He let go
immediately, taking a large step back. Dean didn’t look scared or even angry
anymore. He looked worse. The expression on his face was the same one Castiel
watched him put on when talking about his dad.
“Angry and picking fights at bars.” Dean whispered, his voice deadly quiet.
“Sounds like you’re just the same.” Castiel let out a small whimper as Dean
pushed past him. Just as he was about to go out of earshot he turned around.
“You smell like booze, by the way.” It had been just above a whisper, but it
sounded like screaming in Castiel’s ear.
***** Chapter 19 *****
Chapter Summary
     This one is crazy short but I want your input before I continue!!
     One) would you guys like me to go into a little smut after this, or
     do you just want a next morning summary kind of thing?
     Two) The whole Castiel/Lucifer thing, maybe a prequel story? Give you
     guys a separate story for some background???
     Let me know what you guys think, just bouncing ideas around!!
“What’s your name?” Castiel asked, his lips stretching around the lip of a shot
glass. He threw it back, letting the tequila rush down his throat.
“Ethan.” The quiet brunette muttered, staring down at his beer. Castiel looked
down at his own drink, frowning at it. He didn’t remember how it got empty. He
waved the bartender over, asking for a refill. The bartender rolled his eyes at
him, setting up four empty shot glasses alongside the one in Castiel’s hand. He
filled each up with tequila, then muttered something about having other
customers besides him. Castiel brought one to his lips, tossing it back with
ease. He knew it was time to slow down, but he could still hear Dean’s voice.
Still see his face. “What about you?”
“Huh?” Castiel asked, scratching his head. Then he remembered he had asked his
name. “Oh, uh it’s Castiel.”
“That’s interesting.”
“Yeah.” Castiel nodded awkwardly. “Yeah, it sure is.” A song came on the radio,
something ACDC. The boy beside him started nodding his head, singing softly
along. He asked Castiel if he liked the song. Castiel shrugged. “I suppose.
Always been more of a Zeppelin fan though.”
“Ahh, I like Zeppelin.” Ethan said behind a smile. His eyes darkened a little
as he looked at Castiel. Castiel threw another shot back before offering him a
similar smile.
“Funny. I happen to like boys who like Zeppelin.” Castiel said, his voice
turning menacing. “But they hurt me. You won’t hurt me, will you Ethan?” Ethan
stared at him for a moment, probably wondering if Castiel was some sort of
freak or just really drunk. Castiel took another shot as he let Ethan stare. He
must have decided on the latter because his smile grew wider as he leaned
forward.
“Baby, I wouldn’t hurt you.” He brought a hand up to Castiel’s face stroking
his cheek. His fingers were rough and callused. “Not unless you wanted me to.”
Something flashed behind Ethan’s eyes as he said this. Castiel stared at him
for a moment. He wanted to ask what Ethan meant but somewhere in his tangled
mind, he knew.
“You mean like that fifty shades of grey shit?” Castiel asked, his lips wrapped
around another shot. He leaned his head back, his eyes closing in pleasure as
he felt the tequila fill is mouth.
“Yeah.” Ethan shrugged, cradling his beer. “Seems like you could use the stress
relief.” Castiel had messed around with that before, but not in a long time. He
had actually been a sub once upon a time, with Michael’s brother Lucifer. He
was the one who had pulled Castiel out of that dark and scary place. He was the
one who reminded Castiel what life was supposed to be like. He had gotten
Castiel to stop drinking, to stop fighting, to stop self-destructing. Castiel’s
first words were for Lucifer. Castiel hadn’t done it since though, not since he
left that town and never looked back.
“You know what,” Castiel said just before throwing back his two last shots,
“That sounds like a fucking great idea. Let’s go.”
***** Chapter 20 *****
Chapter Summary
     Here's a long one for you lovely people (:
Castiel strolled into the classroom seven minutes after the bell rang. All the
students quieted down, watching their teacher as he made his way to his desk.
He dropped a stack of papers in his hand then turned around and flashed a
charming smile. Dean tried to look down at his desk, but he couldn’t help but
stare. Castiel’s hair was sticking up in tufts, as if it had been pulled on
repeatedly. His dress shirt was wrinkled and not tucked in. It also wasn’t his.
He didn’t wear a tie, and he had jeans on instead of dress pants. His sleeves
were rolled up, exposing strange bruises on his wrists. Dean couldn’t smell him
from the back row, but if the whispers up front were any indication, he reeked
of booze.
Anger flashed inside Dean as Castiel started speaking in a slow drawl. He
didn’t even listen to him, instead staring down at his desk and trying to think
of what he was going to tell Sam tonight. When Dean had showed up at Castiel’s
to pick up Sam, his brother had cried and refused to leave. He screamed at
Dean, telling him that it wasn’t fair. Telling him that Castiel was the closest
thing to a dad he ever had, besides Dean of course. Dean had kept a straight
face the whole time, telling Sam to shut up and get his ass out of the house.
But once they were back at the apartment and Dean stepped into a scalding hot
shower, the tears came.
He knew his dad would be coming home soon, and he was always the worst after a
failed hunting trip. The two broken bones Dean has ever gotten from his father
were both after he returned home. Dean’s hands shook at the thought. He knew he
could handle it, he always did before, but something inside of him was
panicking. How was he supposed to do this without Castiel? He could barely
remember a time without him. He jumped as he heard his name.
“Excuse me?” He asked, his voice strangled.
“I asked you a question, Mr. Winchester.” Castiel’s voice was cold, foreign.
Dean stared at him for a moment, his body giving an involuntary shiver.
“I didn’t hear it. I’m sorry.”
“Maybe you should pay attention.” Castiel stared him down. The whole class was
deadly quiet. No one had proof, but rumors had spread fast since yesterday.
Dean’s blood boiled with anger, but his face flushed with embarrassment. “Can
anyone tell Mr. Winchester what we are discussing today?”
Everyone remained quiet until Castiel asked again. One girl turned around
slowly, her voice apologetic. “We’re talking about inappropriate
relationships.” She bit her lip as she watched five different emotions flash
across Dean’s face. “In literature, of course.”
“Right.” Dean whispered. “Of course.”
“Not just inappropriate relationships in general. But how they can mess up your
life.” Castiel continued staring him down. “Do you agree with that statement,
Mr. Winchester?”
“Uhh,” Dean rubbed a hand down his face. Don’t cry, he told himself, don’t
fucking cry. “I don’t think it has to do with the relationship. It has to do
with the people in the relationship.”
“People are just human, Mr. Winchester. Relationships like that are extremely
stressful.”
“Right, but if the people truly love each other then they’ll make it work.”
“People make mistakes.” Castiel’s voice was back to its usual tone, not at all
cold or distant anymore. Dean shivered from the sound. “You should know
something about that.” Dean thought back to yesterday. To the fact that he got
Castiel fired. But Castiel had lied to him.
“Some mistakes just can’t be forgiven though.” Dean whispered.
“No matter how much you love me?” The rest of the students caught the slip, but
no one said anything. A few shifted uncomfortably, but for the most part the
atmosphere remained the same.
“No matter how much I love you.”
 
 
Castiel spent Thursday night just as he did Wednesday, in the same exact seat
at the bar. He went through three glasses of scotch, four shots of tequila and
a glass of vodka and sprite before his phone started ringing. He squinted at
the screen, seeing Gabriel’s face smiling at him. He pressed ignore, going back
to his drink. Two more phone calls and one “Where the fuck are you” text later
and Castiel was back to tequila. He didn’t know if Gabriel knew the situation.
Didn’t much care either. Castiel smiled at the bartender, waving him over.
“What’s up?” The bartender asked, a dishrag in his hand. The night was slow,
only two other people besides Castiel in the bar. The bartender looked down at
Castiel’s empty drink. “How about a water bud?”
“How ‘bout another thcotch.” Castiel countered. The bartender stared at the
clock. It was only 7:30, and already the guy was slurring his words.
“Water first, then you can have some scotch.” Castiel wrinkled his eyebrows
angrily as the man placed a small cup of water in front of him.
“You ever been in love?” Castiel asked, ignoring the glass.
“Yeah.” The guy said. He didn’t point out that he had a ring on his finger, or
that he was almost forty.
“It thucks.” Castiel grumbled. The guy nodded, throwing down the rag and wiping
his hands on his jeans. “I told myself I’dsnever love again. I lost Michael, ‘s
I couldn’t imagine losing anyone else, ya know? I mean he was just, he ws’ my
best friend, but I still loved him. He was like my fucking brother.” The
bartender nudged the water towards Castiel. He took a sip without really
thinking, then continued. “But then Zeppelin showed up, and he was ‘jst tho
perfect. Fucking perfect.” His phone started ringing again. He glanced down at
it, rolling his eyes.
“Is that Zeppelin?” The bartender asked as Castiel took another drink.
“No.” Castiel whispered, his voice low and sad. “If it was Zeppelin I would
answer it.” Another drink. “’s my brother.”
“Why don’t you answer it?”
“I used to be an alcoholic.” Castiel told him, as if this was an answer that
made sense.
“Used to be?” The bartender asked. He tried to keep judgment out of his tone,
but the amount of alcohol the man had consumed indicated that he probably still
was.
“Yeah.” Castiel whispered. “I think I’m turning into one again.” Castiel looked
around the bar, nodding slowly. “Yeah.” He said again. The bartender poured him
a scotch. He watched as Castiel drank it, carefully stealing his phone as he
was distracted. He left Castiel sitting there as he made his way to the back,
calling Gabriel.
“Cas, where the fuck are you?” Gabriel yelled, making the bartender jump. “I
stopped by the house to see what’s up and the place is fucking trashed. Shit
thrown everywhere, empty bottles all over the floor.”
“Uhh, this is Steve.” The bartender interrupted. “Your brother is at my bar.”
“Is he okay?” Gabriel’s voice shifted from anger to concern.
“Yeah.” Steve said, clearing his throat. “Well, no.” He shifted his weight,
glancing through the window at Castiel. His glass was already empty again and
he was reaching over the bar to try and grab the alcohol. “You should probably
come get him.”
 
 
“Gabe! ‘S up man?” Castiel yelled, throwing his arms out for a hug as his
brother walked towards him. He fell off the stool from the sudden shift in
weight, falling flat on his ass. He laughed a loud belly laugh as Gabriel shook
his head. He mumbled an apology to the bartender before lifting his brother up.
Castiel wavered on his feet for a moment, as if he was going to fall down
again. When he didn’t, he rewarded himself with more laughter.
“Come on Cas, let’s get you home.” Gabriel said as he grabbed his brother
around the waist. Castiel tried pushing him away, but he was too weak.
“No. He’s not there.”
“Who?”
“My Zeppelin. ‘s not there. Left me.” Castiel’s chest rose and fell fast.
Gabriel grabbed him tighter, thinking he was going to start crying. Instead, a
rush of giggles escaped his lips. Gabriel pulled him towards the door as he
laughed, yellowing another apology to the bartender as he left.
The drive home was pretty much the same. Castiel was either yelling at him to
bring him back to the bar or giggling over the fact that he is now single and
alone. He even told Gabriel as they pulled into the driveway that he was going
to become a crazy cat lady. Gabriel didn’t point out that he was a man. Or that
he was allergic to cats. Castiel went on and on about this as Gabriel dragged
him through the front door. “I’m just gonna get a shit ton, man.” Castiel told
him. “Oh, and fish! I’m gonna get a shit ton of fish.” Castiel started telling
Gabriel the names for the nonexistent cat’s and fish as Gabriel began stripping
him in the bedroom. “Larry, Marcia, Bubbles, Nirvana-“ Gabriel drowned him out
until he started sobbing.
“Cas,” Gabriel muttered as he sat him down on the bed. “It’s okay. You and Dean
will work it out. I don’t know what happened, but it’s gonna be okay man.”
“I’m not crying about Dean!” Castiel screamed, his face streaked with tears.
His whole body was shaking. “I just realized my cats are going to eat my fish.”
He started sobbing harder and Gabriel shook his head. He lay him down, pulling
the blanket over him. He sat beside his brother until the crying stopped, until
he was peacefully asleep. His mind went back to all the fights he broke up back
when Castiel was living at home. All the times he went to get him from local
bars, dragging him back home. How he’d beg him, sober and drunk, to talk. To
say something, anything, only to be rewarded with a blank stare. Gabriel
brushed away a lone tear.
“Cas,” he whispered, “Please don’t do this to me again. Please.”
***** Chapter 21 *****
Chapter Summary
     Okay my friends, this is the last chapter (besides a prologue). I
     love you all so much and I'm sorry it took me so long, I couldn't
     decide where I wanted the story to go.
John Winchester came home on a Tuesday. The boys were in the kitchen, Dean
cooking some of the food still left from one of Castiel’s binge shopping trips
while Sam worked on his math homework. Dean had been humming an old AC/DC song
to himself, only to be interrupted by the slam of the front door. Both boys
jumped, looking up just in time to see John standing there. Both boys stared at
him, waiting for something to happen. His face slowly crumpled as he dropped
his army duffel on the ground.
“My boys.” He whispered, his eyes filling with tears. Dean had almost forgotten
what that voice had sounded like. Sam let out a breath before jumping out of
his seat, running into his father’s arms. He still held a pencil in one hand.
Dean turned the oven off, not taking his eyes off them. He stood awkwardly
until his father looked up at him, begging him to come too. He walked slowly
towards them, as if it was a trick. When his father didn’t move, Dean
cautiously settled next to Sam against John’s chest. “My boys.” John whispered
again.
Dean knew it was fake. Knew that his father hadn’t found their mother, and now
he was back trying to make some part of his life function again. But in a few
weeks he would forget about his love for these boys, only focusing again on his
hatred for the woman who left. But Dean wanted it to be real, so he closed his
eyes and let himself cry.
After a few long minutes, Dean pulled away. “I’ve got lasagna in the stove.”
His dad smiled at him, his eyes lighting up. He nodded, giving Sam one last
squeeze before standing up. Dean quickly walked towards the cabinet, taking out
three plates. His father glanced around, taking in the tidy little apartment.
When he glanced at the pan in Dean’s hand he became confused.
“That doesn’t look like Stouffers?” John asked. Dean swallowed, looking down at
the lasagna.
“Yeah, it’s homemade.” John stared at it for a minute longer, and then walked
to the fridge. He yanked open the door, staring inside. He took in all the
groceries, shaking his head.
“Where’d you get all this?” Dean put the pan of lasagna down, feeling a fight
stirring. Sam was staring at both of them intensely, sadness growing in his
eyes.
“Bachelorette party at the Roadhouse the other night, crazy tips.” John stared
at Dean for a moment longer, then smiled.
“The ladies love you, must be them Winchester genes.” Sam let out a little
laugh. Dean shot him a quick glare before smiling at his dad, agreeing with
him. They all ate in relative silence, with the occasional catch up questions
here or there. The heaviness inside of Dean’s heart began to lighten with every
smile, every laugh.
 
Castiel finished his third interview of the week, loosening his tie as he
walked to his car. This one went better than the last two, but he hated the
Principle. He was an arrogant rich guy who cared more about the athletic
department than the academic. He sat behind the wheel for a minute before
turning the radio on. The opening chords of Stairway to Heaven began playing.
His breath caught in his throat. He listened to half the song before he
realized he was still sitting in the parking lot. He put the car in drive,
fighting tears as he made his way to the Roadhouse. He got out quickly, making
his way to the entrance like a crazy man. It was a Wednesday, Dean’s guaranteed
day off.
He didn’t want to see him, but he needed to feel him. He needed to look around
and remember him. The smell that hit him as he opened the door made him
whimper. It was the
smell of grease, beer and peanuts. It was the smell of Dean undressing in his
bathroom, getting ready to shower after a long shift. It had been two weeks
since he had seen him, two weeks since he had been sober. Even for his
interviews he had been pleasantly buzzed. Gabriel had slowly moved himself into
Castiel’s apartment, making the guest bedroom his own. Castiel didn’t tell him
that it used to be Sammy’s. That it killed him every time he walked by the door
and heard bustling on the other side. He knew Gabe was just trying to take care
of him. Clean up after him when he has a breakdown, roll him onto his side when
he passes out, and drag him into the shower when he pukes all over himself.
Castiel was starting to forget what Dean’s soft lips felt like on his
collarbone. What his teeth sounded like when they chattered from the cool air.
He couldn’t quite remember the deepness of his voice, always getting it wrong
when he tried to recall it. When he closed his eyes and pictured Dean, his
features were fuzzy. Castiel did this now, trying to remember what it sounded
like to hear Dean say his name. He jumped when he heard it crystal clear. He
tried to make it happen again, and was rewarded with a second shout. His eyes
shot open as someone shook his shoulder.
Dean stood beside him, a dirty rag in his hand. Castiel stared at him in
disbelief. Dean stepped back, taking away his hand as if Castiel had burnt him.
Castiel smiled at him, about to say something when Dean cut him off. “I just
need to clean the booth before you can sit here.” The smile slipped from
Castiel’s face as he looked down at the table, full of crumbs and water
droplets. He nodded, scooting out of the seat. He stared at Dean, as if he was
make believe. Dean tried not to notice.
“Thought you didn’t work Wednesday’s?” Castiel asked quietly. Dean continued
cleaning, not taking his eyes off the table.
“I’m covering for someone.”
“How does Sam feel about that? Isn’t tonight your-“
“Sam doesn’t care. He went to the movies with my dad.” Dean finished wiping
down the table, moving to the leather seats. Castiel stood there, his arms
crossed. It was the only way he could know for sure he wouldn’t reach out for
Dean.
“He’s back?” Castiel whispered. Dean nodded, finishing up. He stood straight,
not looking at Castiel. He went to clean the next booth over, Castiel following
him. “IF you need help Dean-“
“I’m fine. I don’t need you.” The words hit Castiel hard. He stumbled back,
shaking his head. Dean didn’t look at him, instead staring at the new dirty
table. Castiel walked out of the restaurant. Walked away from the boy who still
held his heart. He walked away from all of it, and never looked back.
 
It was 3:57 A.M. when the phone rang. Castiel woke up with a quick jerk,
reaching for his phone blindly. He knocked over the lamp for getting it. He
squinted at the screen, his breath catching in his throat. He flipped open the
phone, wide awake now. “Zeppelin.”
***** EPILOGUE *****
Chapter Notes
     Hello my lovely lovely people.
     First of all I would like to apologize. I said prologue in my last
     message but I meant Epilogue!!
     Writing this story has been an amazing experience. I was SO SO
     NERVOUS to publish on this site but you guys were all so amazing. I
     would like to specifically thank Lulu3011, NongProdu. and
     angels_rdvd64 for sticking with me and cheering me on as I go!! Along
     with everyone else (: You all have no idea how much I needed all of
     those comments, it helped me SO MUCH. When I wanted to quit you guys
     were what pulled me through, I LOVE YOU ALL.
      
     Now this is not the end for these characters. I am currently pretty
     far into a prequel for the story, showing Castiel after Michael's
     death. I can also work on a sequel if there is interest in that.
     Please comment and let me know!!!!! (:
     Once again. ILOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
It was 3:57 A.M. when the phone rang. Castiel woke up with a quick jerk,
reaching for his phone blindly. He knocked over the lamp for getting it. He
squinted at the screen, his breath catching in his throat. He flipped open the
phone, wide awake now. “Zeppelin.”
“Cas.” Dean’s voice was shaking. There was sobbing in the background. It
sounded like Sam but Castiel couldn’t be sure. “Cas, help me.”
“What’s going on?” Castiel asked, swinging his legs to the edge of the bed. He
quickly walked over to the wall, turning the light on. He pulled the nearest
pair of jeans on.
“You were right. I never thought he would hit him.” Dean tried to take a deep
breath but he was choked by a sob. Castiel was at his door, slipping his shoes
on. Gabriel was awake now, standing just behind him. “But he did. He hit him.”
“Where are you?” Castiel asked, his voice shaking. He looked around
frantically, his hands empty. Gabriel stepped forward, handing him his keys.
Castiel grabbed them, giving him a thankful look before walking out the door.
He ran towards his car as Dean rambled.
“-and he had a bad dream. He woke up crying for mom, something he hasn’t done
in years. Dad was so pissed, he walked in there and started strangling him. I
was so scared, punched him, and a gun, and he wasn’t breathing, I couldn’t stop
it, so much blood-“ Dean kept going, not making much sense as Castiel started
driving towards Dean’s.
“Are you at home?” Dean just kept talking. Castiel heard someone shouting in
the distance as Dean began crying harder. “Dean? ANSWER ME.”
“Yes.” Dean said between sobs. “Locked in the bathroom.”
“Stay on the phone with me.” Castiel said. Dean didn’t respond, but the noise
on the other end made it sound like he nodded. Castiel smiled softly at that.
His whole body was shaking with adrenaline. It took him three minutes to get to
Dean’s, compared to the usual eleven. He left his car running, barely putting
it into park before jumping out. He stormed through the front door. He could
see down the hall a tall figure leaning against the door. The man turned,
looking at Castiel.
“And who the fuck are you?” A few statements went through Castiel’s mind in a
matter of milliseconds. Dean’s teacher. Dean’s boyfriend. The love of Dean’s
life. The man who took care of your two damn kids while you were god knows
where.
“The guy you’re gonna wish was never born.” John stared at him, his mouth open
in surprise. Castiel lunged at him, his fist colliding with John’s nose. John
shoved him, throwing him into the wall opposite of him. He wrapped a hand
around Castiel’s throat, the other hand connecting with Castiel’s gut. “You
choking me just like Sammy?” Castiel asked, a sarcastic smile on his face. He
could taste blood on his tongue. John faltered for a moment at the comment,
giving Castiel an opurtunity to knee him in the balls. John groaned, loosening
his grip on Castiel’s throat. Castiel grabbed John’s wrist, twisting his arms
so that it was bent and raised behind his back. Castiel pushed until he heard a
satisfying pop. John gasped, his eyes blinking from the pain. Castiel held him
there, pulling his knee up twice to hit John scare in the face. He released his
grip on John, letting him fall to the ground. He kicked him three times in the
ribs, each time getting a satisfying grunt out of him. He got down on one knee,
wrapping his fingers in John’s tufts of hair.
He brought John’s face next to his own. John spit a mouthful of blood at
Castiel’s face. Castiel wiped it slowly with his other hand, before giving John
a sadistic smile. “You ever come near these boys again. Ever even think about
seeing them again, and I will kill you. Do you understand?” John just stared at
him. Castiel lifted his head higher, and then slammed it into the ground. He
heard something crack. “I said DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?”
“Yes.” John whispered. Castiel dropped his head, letting it fall against the
floor. He stared at the crumpled body for a second before looking up. Dean was
standing in the doorway of the bathroom, staring with his mouth open. His face
was streaked with tears. Sam had his face buried into Dean’s shirt, his arms
wrapped around him. Castiel stood up, not even wanting to know how much of that
Dean just witnessed. Dean stared at him, not deciding if he should be thankful
or scared. Castiel glanced behind him, getting a glimpse of himself in the
mirror. His face was smeared with blood. He looked psychotic. He lifted his
shirt up, wiping his face the best he could.
“Take us away.” Dean whispered. Castiel sighed, looking at the two boys.
“Come here Sammy.” Castiel whispered. He reached out for the small boy, Dean’s
grip growing tighter. “Dean, give me your brother.” Dean let out a chocked sob
before nodding, untangling Sam’s body from his own. Castiel lifted the boy in
his arms, Sam wrapping his legs around Castiel’s waist, his head resting in the
crook of Castiel’s neck. Every muscle in Sam relaxed. “You need to pack as much
stuff as you can, as quickly as you can.”
“Where are we going?” Dean asked, his whole body shaking. Castiel told him to
go pack again. Dean just stared at him before turning around and running to his
room. Castiel stepped over John’s body, carrying Sam out the front door and
laying him down in the backseat of his car. When he turned around Dean was
there, two large duffel bags full of stuff. Castiel took the bags, putting them
on the floor beside Sam. He walked towards Dean, three large steps. His hands
ghosted over Dean’s body, making sure everything was okay. Making sure nothing
was out of order. He pulled Dean into a hug, feeling the boy melt into him. His
hand felt a bulk in the waist band of the boy’s jeans. Castiel recognized the
feel of it. He thought back to the phone call, the mention of a gun. He began
quietly crying, not wanting Dean to know.
When he finally calmed down he pulled away, cupping Dean’s face in his hands.
“Zeppelin.” He breathed. Dean crashed his lips against Castiel’s. Castiel stood
in shock for a moment before letting his arms wrap around the boys waist. The
stood like this for seconds, for eternity. Then Castiel walked him to the
passenger side of the car, opening the door for him. HE secured Dean’s
seatbelt, pulling on it tightly to make sure it was safe. Then he got in his
side of the car and began driving. They left the apartment door wide open. They
left John’s body in a puddle of blood. They left the town, then the state.
Finally Dean asked one last time. “Where are we going?”
Castiel just smiled. He stared out the windshield for a few seconds before
responding. “Away.”
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