Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5153138.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      5_Seconds_of_Summer_(Band)
  Relationship:
      Michael_Clifford/Luke_Hemmings
  Character:
      Michael_Clifford, Luke_Hemmings, Ashton_Irwin, Calum_Hood, Liz_Hemmings,
      Jack_Hemmings, Karen_Clifford
  Additional Tags:
      Clemmings, Muke_-_Freeform, Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Friends_to
      Lovers, Fluff, Fluff_and_Angst, also_there's_side_cashton_here_so,
      Cashton
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-11-06 Words: 17870
****** You're a Catch 22 ******
by celmmings
Summary
     “I’ve been thinking about it for a while, about him, that way. Luke’s
     the only person I’m this comfortable around, he’s the only person I
     allow into my room when I really don’t feel like seeing or talking to
     anyone, he’s the only person I could go hours on end talking to, or
     sitting in complete silence with and never get bored. He’s the only
     person I let sleep in my bed. He’s my best friend, and I fucked up. I
     fell for my best friend."
     or the one where Luke and Michael are best friends who like each
     other, but are too dumb to admit it to each other.
Notes
     Hi!! So this is the longest non-chaptered work i've ever written. I
     considered making it 2 or 3 parts but i decided it loses some of its
     magic and i'd rather post it as one piece. I hope the length of it
     doesn't alarm you but i'm just very, very excited about it, it's all
     i've been working on for the past week!
     Enjoy!!
See the end of the work for more notes
Michael’s having a typical, relaxing Saturday night; he’s buried under the
warmth of his covers in his dark room, the only source of light is the TV, a
bowl of popcorn barely balanced on the mattress to his right and his Xbox
remote controller in hand as he furiously punches the colorful buttons,
desperately trying to keep his character alive.
Michael likes to spend his weekends alone in his room, he does enough
socializing in school all week long and weekends are his only time to be by
himself, in his own little bubble where he can fully relax. He ceases every
second of his weekends by hiding in his room, gaming all night long and
sleeping late until his mother bangs on his door and forces some food into him,
claiming that he already looks like a ghost and he doesn’t need to push it or
he’ll simply fade away one day. It always makes him laugh and roll his eyes,
she’s such a mom.
The only person Michael ever allows into his room during the weekend and the
only one he would even consider leaving his room for is Luke. He’s Michael’s
best friend and frankly, Michael would do absolutely everything for him,
there’s no one in the world Michael’s as close to as he is to Luke.
Luke and Michael had first met in kindergarten, it was just the two of them for
so long, they were practically inseparable since the very first day, even their
families have become friends over the years. They’d grown so close that the two
families would meet for a joint dinner every Thursday evening, it’s tradition
by now.
Later, when Luke and Michael started school, they had met Calum. He was shy and
quiet, much like Luke. Maybe that’s why Michael liked him so much to begin
with. The three of them made the perfect group even at such young age. The
three of them would meet up every afternoon and play together for hours. To
this day, the three of them are constantly around each other. They have most of
their classes together, they sit together at lunch and see each other every
afternoon, talking about music and how one day they’ll form a band and be
famous. It’s a silly dream, but they like talking about it anyway.
As much as Michael loves Calum, and he does, Luke is just something else. Luke
and Michael’s relationship has been on a whole different level since the day
they first met, they share something that no one can put a finger on, it just
makes it different.
So when Michael’s phone buzzes that night, just when he’s about to pass this
level he’d been stuck on for God knows how long, and his screen flashes Luke’s
name, Michael doesn’t hesitate before he pauses the game and takes Luke’s call.
The fact that he calls so late is concerning, Luke is an early sleeper, it’s
unusual for him to be calling this late.
“Hey, Lukey.” Michael speaks into the phone, setting his remote controller
down. All he gets in response is the faint sound of Luke sniffling, it makes
Michael’s stomach churn in the most unpleasant way, he can practically feel the
color leaving his face.
“Luke, are you crying? What’s wrong?” Michael straightens up. Luke’s always
been sensitive and it isn’t hard to make him cry, but it’s never like this,
never out of the blue and in the middle of the night and Michael’s afraid that
Luke got into trouble. Maybe he went out and did something stupid, for all
Michael knows he could be drunk alone in the middle of the street.
“M-Mikey,” Luke hiccups, the sound of it tearing Michael’s heart apart. It’s so
bad it physically hurts his chest. “Do you think you could come over? I’m
sorry, I just, I really-I need to talk. I need you.” Luke chokes between broken
sobs and Michael’s own eyes sting with tears, he can’t bear the thought of Luke
being hurt. He’s already almost done lacing his shoes by the time Luke’s
finished asking him if he could come.
“I’m on my way, okay, Lukey?” Michael says softly as he gets up, grabbing the
first jacket he can find dangling off the back of his chair before he heads for
the door, not stepping out just yet, he can’t talk to Luke while sneaking out
of the house, it’d make too much noise and he could get caught. “I’ll be there
in no time, I’m leaving now. Are you going to be alright until I get there?”
“Y-yeah,” Luke’s voice cracks and so does Michael’s heart. “Thanks, Mikey.” He
barely whispers, making Michael sighs deeply as he hangs up, quietly twisting
the door knob, trying to stay as silent as possible. He makes it to the living
room, he already sees the front door and it’d be so easy to slip past it and
he’s outside, making his way to Luke’s.
But then someone clears their throat behind Michael and his heart jumps to his
throat. Startled, he spins around to find his mother leaning against the
doorframe, a small smile playing on her lips as she studies Michael.
“Going somewhere?” She asks and Michael huffs, crossing his arms over his
chest. He’s so busted. Luckily for Michael, other than Luke and Calum, the
other person he’s the closest to is his mother. He tells her almost everything
and she’s more of a friend to him than a parent, in the best of ways. So he
decides to be honest with her, she’ll understand.
“Luke needs me, mom.” Michael says simply, biting his lip. He knows his mother
understands his relationship with Luke, he knows she’ll see that Michael’s not
just going over there to hang out or to do God knows what in the middle of the
night. He knows his mother will trust him that whatever he’s going to do is
important.
“At half past midnight?” She asks with raised eyebrows, glancing down her watch
before looking back up at Michael. “Since when is Luke even awake this late?
He’s usually only up this late if you keep him up.” She adds with a snicker,
and it sounds more like she’s thinking out loud than actually asking, so
Michael doesn’t say anything, just nods.
She ponders for a few more seconds before her grin widens, spreading up to her
eyes as she looks at Michael and shakes her head. “Alright, then, let me get my
keys. If you’re going anywhere at almost one in the morning you can at least
let me drive you.”
Michael smiles as he wraps his arms around her shoulders for just once second
before he’s darting outside, already waiting for her by the car.
***
Luke curls himself into a ball under the covers, hugging his knees to his chest
as he tries to stifle his sobs, he can’t risk his parents or brothers hearing
him, he doesn’t want to alarm anyone. He never wanted to alarm Michael, either,
but if there’s one person Luke knows he can talk to, it’s Michael. Even if
Michael is undeniably, yet unintentionally the source of Luke’s problem.
For the past three months, Luke’s been thinking that maybe he sees his best
friend in more than just a best friend way. The thought terrifies him to the
core. Michael is the most important person in Luke’s life, he can’t risk losing
him because he thinks he developed a silly crush on him. Luke can’t bear the
thought of chasing Michael away because he suddenly thinks he might like him.
Plus, the kids in Luke’s school were never open-minded or accepting. How would
they react if Luke wasn’t straight? How would his family react?
He’s so confused and scared and there are so many thoughts running through his
mind. He can’t stop himself from crying, the tears rolling down his cheeks,
soaking his skin and his mattress in the process. He doesn’t know how long he
lies there until he hears Michael. He doesn’t have to look up to know it’s him.
Luke always leaves the back door open when he invites Michael over late at
night so Michael can easily slip in without making any noise.
Luke already recognizes the sounds Michael makes when he kicks his shoes off
and gets rid of his jacket before he can climb into bed with Luke. Luke feels
the mattress dip under Michael’s weight, and then Michael lifts the duvet off
of Luke so he can look at him.
 “Oh, Lukey.” He sighs, and before Luke knows it he’s cradled in Michael’s
arms, his damp face hidden in Michael’s neck as he wraps his arms around Luke’s
shoulders, pulling him impossibly closer. Luke inhales deeply, breath shaky as
he takes in Michael’s scent. It’s so familiar and it makes Luke feel so safe.
Nothing can ever hurt him when he’s in Michael’s arms.
Michael smells like apples, Luke knows that’s his shampoo. He also smells like
popcorn and peppermint and it makes Luke want to smile. Michael rocks Luke back
and forth, whispering sweet things into Luke’s ear until his breathing finally
evens and he feels so much better. He feels like he can breathe properly again
now that Michael’s here. Everything feels so much better when Michael’s around.
“Are you ready to talk now?” Michael’s voice is quiet and soft above Luke. He
doesn’t press and Luke knows that if he said no Michael would leave it. He
wouldn’t make Luke talk about it if he didn’t want to. But Luke does want to.
He doesn’t know exactly what he wants to say, he knows he can’t admit to having
a possible crush on him, but maybe he could just confess to the rest, tiptoe
around the subject.
So he nods, sitting up so he’s facing Michael with his legs folded beneath him.
His eyes sting and he knows he looks terrible, he has no doubt his eyes are
bloodshot and his hair is sticking down to his forehead messily, but he doesn’t
care. Michael never judges him, Michael’s his safe place and he never doubts
that. Not even when he’s about to tell him something that feels so big.
“Hey,” Michael whispers before Luke even has a chance to open his mouth. He
looks up, meeting Michael’s beautiful, green eyes. They’re so comforting, so
familiar, Luke could drown in them. Michael leans forward, closer to Luke, and
takes his hand, interlacing their fingers and squeezing Luke’s hand before
flashing him a big smile. “It’s alright. You know you can say anything.”
And Luke knows. He knows it’s Michael, he knows he could say he’s an alien sent
from a whole different planet and Michael would still nod sympathetically and
tell him it’s alright and that he still loves him, he could tell him he
murdered someone and Michael would grab a shovel without even blinking.
Suddenly Luke feels stupid for even worrying, he can tell Michael anything.
Well, maybe he could leave out the part where he thinks he likes him, but the
rest of it would do.
Luke thinks back to the day about six months prior, when Michael had asked Luke
to come over saying he had to talk to him. When he arrived at Michael’s house,
Michael sat him down in his room, they sat in a position similar to the one
they’re in now, holding hands and smiling at each other. Michael had told Luke
he was bisexual. He told Luke how scared he was and that he’s the first person
he told. Luke told him that he’s so proud of him and he held Michael for hours,
patting his hair and telling him that he loves him and he’s really glad he
chose Luke as the first person he came out to.
Luke thinks back and realizes he really has nothing to worry about.
“I’m not really sure, but I think I might, uh,” Luke chokes, he doesn’t even
know how to phrase what he wants to say. He tries to dig through his mind and
remember how Michael had told him, but the nerves are biting back and he can’t
even think straight. “I might not be straight.” He says dumbly, cowardly
shutting his eyes, not being able to look Michael in the eye. He doesn’t know
why he’s so terrified of saying that to Michael, but it feels big. “I mean, I
know I like girls, but I just think I don’t only like girls. Does that make
sense? I don’t know, I’m being really stupid right now.”
“Look at me?” Michael asks quietly, giving Luke’s hand another reassuring
squeeze. Luke takes a deep, deep breath and opens his eyes to meet Michael’s.
“Luke, you’re my best friend in the whole world. I don’t care if you’re
straight or not, I just care that you’re happy. I love you, and who you want to
date won’t change that. I know why you were scared to tell me, I’ve been there,
but I need you to remember that it doesn’t change anything for us. Alright?”
Michael’s so close that Luke can feel his breath on his face as he stares into
his warm eyes.
Luke nods. “Thanks, Mikey,” he breathes out shakily, he feels like a huge
weight has been lifted off his chest. “I’m so sorry I made you come here so
late. I just freaked out. I’ve been having these thoughts for a while but
tonight… I don’t know. I’m so sorry.” Luke says, dropping his head down to look
at their joint hands. Nothing feels safer or more comfortable than holding
Michael’s hand.
“Don’t be silly, you know I don’t mind. I did get caught though.” Michael
snorts and Luke’s head whips up, eyes wide. Michael got caught sneaking out
because of him. He knows Michael’s parents aren’t the type to punish him,
especially not for sneaking out to meet Luke, but he still feels horrible.
“Was she mad? Does she hate me now? Can we not be friends anymore?” Luke
blurts, unable to control his mouth. He doesn’t know where these stupid
questions come from, his brain seems to not be working tonight. Luke knows
Michael’s mother would never say that, would never separate them, but he’s
sensitive and upset and he has no idea what he’s saying anymore.
“What the fuck? ‘Course not, you giant goofball!” Michael playfully punches
Luke’s shoulder with his free hand, chuckling. “She even drove me here and said
that if you were calling this late it’s probably important. She also knows I’m
staying the night so I don’t even have to sneak back in early in the morning!
That means we can sleep in and cuddle all day tomorrow.” Michael’s grin is huge
and proud and Luke can’t help but smile too.
“Sounds perfect, Mikey.” Luke bites his bottom lip to prevent his grin from
getting any wider. He loves his best friend more than anything in the world, he
doesn’t know how he got so lucky.
“So, can I ask questions, or is it too early?” Michael asks eagerly and Luke
chuckles and blushes. “We don’t have to talk about if you don’t want to,
though.” Michael rushes to add.
“You can ask, I’m just not sure if I could even answer any of them.” Luke
admits shyly and Michael nods, he knows Michael understands.
Michael slips his hand out of Luke’s, and Luke is just about to open his mouth
to protest when Michael lies down on his back, his head on Luke’s pillow as he
spreads out his arms. Luke understands and he doesn’t hesitate before he leans
down into Michael’s arms. Luke lies there, splayed out on Michael’s chest, one
of Luke’s legs is situated between Michael’s and they’re holding hands again.
They talk for hours, neither of them cares about the time as Michael asks Luke
if he likes anyone specific or if something happened between him and some guy
that Michael didn’t know about that made him realize he might not be straight.
When Luke tells him that nothing happened, which is a lie since Luke likes
Michael, Michael nods like he understands and promises Luke he’s going to help
him figure it out, no matter what.
Eventually they can’t keep their eyes open any longer and they fall asleep
together, bodies messily tangled with each other. It’s the most peaceful and
comfortable sleep Luke’s had in months.
***
Luke’s propped up on both of his elbows on his bed, chin resting in his palms
as he eyes Michael who’s sitting next to him, back resting against a pillow he
propped up against the wall, eyebrows stitched together and tongue sticking out
of the corner of his mouth cutely in concentration as he tries not to lose this
game of FIFA.
“Stop staring, creep.” Michael jokes, only tearing his eyes away from the
screen so he can give Luke a funny look before he turns his face to the screen
again, quietly cursing at the virtual players. Luke chuckles and shakes his
head fondly, forcing himself to look away from Michael even though he really
doesn’t want to. Michael fascinates him; he’s beautiful and so confident. He’s
funny and extremely talented and Luke could go on talking about all the good
things in Michael for the rest of his life, he just thinks Michael’s really
great.
“Seriously, Luke, stop staring!” Michael giggles, pausing the game so he could
turn his head and glare down at Luke, who hasn’t even noticed he was staring
again. He feels his cheeks heating up and he wants to dig a hole and bury
himself in it, he’s tactless. Now that he’s pretty confident that he likes
Michael, he feels like he’s making it obvious.
“Sorry! I’m just thinking,” Luke says, and it’s not a complete lie. He’s
thinking about how beautiful Michael looks in Luke’s dimply lit room, with his
messy bed hair and his full focus on the game. Not that he’s going to admit
that out loud. Ever.
“What’re you thinking about?” Michael dumps the remote controller and averts
his full attention to Luke. It makes Luke want to smile until his face hurts,
the way Michael just drops everything for him. How he never hesitated to leave
his house for Luke in the middle of the night, or how he would pause a game
just so he could fully focus on Luke, something Michael never does. Not even
for Calum. It makes Luke feel special.
Luke shrugs, trying to hide the blush that’s spreading over his cheeks. “The
guys at school.” He lies, but Michael doesn’t seem to notice as he nods and
shuffles closer to Luke.
“Anyone specific? We need to find you someone so you could, uh, experiment?”
Michael chuckles at his own choice of words, making Luke giggle. It sounds
weird, they’re both aware of that, but Luke still appreciates the fact that
Michael is just so willing to help. He really wants to ask Michael if he could
maybe experiment with him, but he manages to keep him mouth shut and not spill
his guts out.
“No, I don’t know. They’re all…” Luke pauses, thinking about the right word to
use. “Immature?” he tries, thinking aloud. Michael seems to understand him,
though, because he nods, smiling.
“I have an idea,” Michael says, tongue swiping over his bottom lip to wet it
before he continues. “Remember that Calum invited us to the soccer team’s after
party after their game next Saturday? We should go! That way we get to look
around and see if there’s anyone you like.” Michael’s whole face lights up with
excitement as if he had just come up with the best idea in the whole world. And
maybe he had. Why won’t they try to find someone for Luke? It’s not like he’s
going to get Michael any time soon (or ever), so why not try and get over his
crush by getting with someone else?
“Yeah, we could go. Are you sure, though?” Luke furrows his eyebrows. He knows
Michael hates parties, and Luke’s not a huge fan of them either, but he surely
doesn’t want to risk making Michael uncomfortable. “I know you hate these
things, and our entire grade is going to be there. And a few seniors too, you
know half of the team are seniors, not only juniors.”
Michael is as stubborn as always though, he waves his hand dismissively and
Luke already knows he won’t take no for an answer. “We’re doing this. Plus,
Cal’s going to be there so I’ll have someone to complain to about how much I
hate the party while you go make out with a hot soccer player.” He winks and
wiggles his eyebrows, and Luke’s whole face reddens.
“Do you have to say those things? I feel like you pretty much live to embarrass
me,” Luke buries his face in the crook of his elbow, trying to hide himself as
Michael laughs smugly somewhere above him.
“It’s all out of love, Lukey.” And Luke doesn’t doubt that for a slight second.
***
Luke decides to come out to Calum the following Monday. He invites Calum and
Michael to his house after school, while his parents are working and his
brothers are out doing their own thing so there’s he doesn’t have to worry
about them overhearing them or disturbing them while they talk. Luke asks
Michael to be there with him, to hold his hand, both physically and
emotionally, and help him find the words when he can’t.
“Cal?” Luke’s voice is quiet and weak. Calum had just won this round of the
game he’s playing on Luke’s Xbox and Luke decides now would probably be a good
time. Luke’s really nervous, he knows Calum wouldn’t judge him, when Michael
came out to him he was so proud and happy for him, he had hugged Michael and
told him he loves him unconditionally. So Luke shouldn’t be worried, but he
can’t help it.
“Mhm?” Calum hums in response, letting Luke know he’s listening. Luke looks at
Michael like a lost puppy, unsure how to go about this. Telling Michael was
easier, Michael understands him even when he doesn’t make sense or doesn’t find
the right words, but telling Calum feels different somehow.
Michael flashes him a small, encouraging smile before he’s taking Luke’s hand,
clearing his throat. “Luke wants to tell you something.”
Calum’s eyebrows knit together in confusion or curiosity, maybe both, Luke
can’t tell. He sets his phone done and looks between Michael and Luke, then at
their joint hands and eventually he looks back up and meets Luke’s eyes with a
funny look.
“I, um, I think I’m…” Luke mumbles incoherently, he panics. So Michael gives
his hand a tight squeeze, making him look up, and when he does, he’s met with
Michael’s calming, big eyes. He cocks his head to the side and Luke knows he’s
asking for his permission to say it himself. Luke gives him a small nod and
bites the inside of his cheek as he gives Michael a look that screams ‘thank
you’.
“Will you stop doing this weird thing where you have an entire conversation
without even speaking?” Calum’s voice burst their little bubble, making them
look at him instead of each other. “Frankly, it’s really freaky. I don’t know
how you guys do it but it’s not normal.” Calum snorts, making Michael roll his
eyes with a smirk. Luke knows that Michael likes it when people talk about how
special their friendship is. Hell, Luke loves it too. It makes what he has with
Michael feel even more special, makes his stomach flutter.
“Well?” Calum urges when they fall into silence again. Luke squeezes Michael’s
hand so tightly he fears he’s going to stop Michael’s blood circulation and his
fingers going to start falling off soon, but he can’t stop, he’s too scared.
Michael doesn’t seem to mind, though, so Luke doesn’t stop.
“Luke wanted to tell you that-“ Michael starts, but Luke feels a sudden wave of
bravery wash over him and he doesn’t let Michael finish. Suddenly he wants to
say it himself, he decides that this is not something he should be ashamed of
and there’s no need to be scared to tell one of his best friends.
“I’m bisexual.” Luke blurts, gnawing on his bottom lip and avoiding everyone’s
eyes. He can feel both Calum and Michael’s eyes on him. He can feel Calum’s
shock and Michael’s eyes wide with mixed concern and pride. Calum doesn’t seem
to know what to say. He looks between Michael and Luke for a few seconds before
there’s a huge grin spreading on his face and Luke frowns at him, confused.
“Are you willing to let go of Michael’s hand before it turns fucking blue and
come give me a hug?” Calum asks rhetorically, chuckling. Luke can’t help the
big smile that’s tugging at the corners of his mouth, he feels tears of pure
relief burning in the back of his eyes as he lets go of Michael’s hand and
completely throws himself at Calum, hugging him closely.
“You don’t hate me, right?” Luke whispers into Calum’s ear and he immediately
shakes his head.
“Are you crazy? Of course I don’t hate you! I could never hate you,” Calum
tightens his hold of his armful of Luke, making him feel so much better. Their
hug is so tight it’s getting really hard to breath, but neither of them seems
to care.
“Thanks, Cal.”
“Group hug!” Michael shouts and Luke screws his eyes shut, readying himself for
the inevitable impact. Michael lunges forward, plastering himself to Luke’s
back and knocking the air out of his lungs. The three of them laugh as Michael
struggles to wrap his arms around both Luke and Calum.
“I don’t even like you guys,” Calum mutters under his breath, but Luke knows
that means ‘I love you guys so much, but I’m too cool to say it’.
“Oh!” Michael calls, finally extracting himself from Luke back, dropping down
on the mattress and making it bounce under his weight. “Luke and I had an
idea,” Michael starts, glancing over at Luke, asking for his permission again.
Luke nods and Calum huffs on his other side, probably because he hates when
Michael and Luke do that.
“Luke wants to find a guy to, you know, try stuff with,” Michael starts and
Luke feels his cheeks reddening and Calum starts crackling. Michael ignores
him. “So we thought we’d go to your team’s party on Saturday after the game, we
can find Luke some hot soccer player from your team and hook him up. Aren’t I a
genius?” Michael grins proudly as Luke keeps blushing.
“Great plan and all, Einstein, you're a real smart-ass, but who exactly are you
even planning on setting Luke up with?” Calum raises an eyebrow and Luke bites
his bottom lip as his cheeks only keep heating up more and more. This whole
conversation is so embarrassing. Luke pulls his knees up to his chest, hugging
them closer as he rests his chin on top of them and looks between Calum and
Michael as they talk.
“We’ll figure it out when we’re there. It wouldn’t be hard to tell who of these
drunk assholes will be into Luke. Stop trying to poke holes in my plan, it’s
flawless!” Michael says with so much determination Luke feels bad for wanting
to laugh. He’s so passionate about this and it makes Luke both happy and sad at
the same time.
He’s happy that Michael’s looking out for him, he’s being the best friend Luke
knows he is and tries to find someone for Luke, wants to help him figure
himself out. But at the same time, Luke wants Michael, but he can’t have him.
He’s surely not ‘Michael’s type’ and even if he was, he isn’t going to risk
their friendship. Not for anything in the world.
“Luke?” Michael snaps his fingers in front of Luke’s face, making him flinch.
He hadn’t even noticed they were talking to him. “Have you heard a word I
said?” Michael rolls his eyes but Luke sees the smile he’s fighting.
“Sorry, Mikey,” Luke flashes him that shy grin Luke knows Michael can’t resist.
It never fails to work. Michael rolls his eyes and sighs.
“I said,” He says, rolling his eyes one more time. Luke really fears for
Michael’s beautiful eyes, if he keeps rolling them they’re going to fall out
eventually. “That you have to promise to try on Saturday. I know you hate these
parties as much as I do, but you have to loosen up and at least try, okay?”
And Michael’s trying so hard for him, and so is Calum. He sees the way Calum’s
wide, brown eyes bore into him with pure concern and he wants to try for his
friends, wants to get out of his shell and try to be more outgoing, he wants to
drink and not hate every sip he takes. So he’s going to try, they’re trying for
him so the least he can do is not resist it and say no to everything. He’s
going to try.
“Alright, Mikey. I promise,” Luke nods his head and Michael flashes him a smile
that makes the butterflies in Luke’s stomach go wild. “Thanks for doing this,
guys.” He adds, shyly looking down at his hands.
“No worries, Lukey.” Calum gently and playfully punches Luke’s shoulder before
he’s picking up the Xbox remote again, starting a new game and completely
drowning in it. So Luke uses the opportunity to shift closer to Michael on the
bed, pressing into his side and resting his head on Michael’s shoulder.
“I know you’re nervous,” Michael starts, resting his head on top of Luke’s.
“But it’s going to be fine. Cal and I are going to be there and watch over you
so if anything happens we’ll jump in, you know that. Plus, it’s good for you,
you’ll see what it’s like.” Luke can feel Michael smile against him and he
nods, forcing a smile of his own.
“Alright, Mikey. I’ll do my best.” And it isn’t a lie, he’s going to do his
best. He’s just not sure how good his best is.
***
The party is at Ashton Irwin’s house. Ashton is a guy from Calum’s team and
he’s a senior, only a year older than the three of them. Calum briefly gets to
introduce Luke and Michael to Ashton before a mass of people arrive and Ashton
leaves the three of them so he can greet the rest of his guests and probably
take control over the party taking place at his living room with an apologetic
smile.
It’s only been an hour since the party started and Luke already wishes it was
over. He’s hiding in the kitchen, it’s surprisingly quiet in there while the
rest of the cheerful teenagers are at the living room or the back yard. Luke is
leaning against the kitchen counter, trying to tune out the muffled, distant
sound of music blasting from the living room as he blankly stares down at the
red, plastic cup in his hand. Michael shoved a beer into his hand the second
they arrived and Luke barely had two sips of it. He feels bad, he promised he’d
try, promised he’d be less shy, but he can’t do it. He’s awkward and he feel
out of place, he doesn’t belong in the middle of the living room with all the
drunk, sweaty teenagers who’re dancing to whichever song that’s playing.
“There you are!” Michael’s familiar voice startles him, Luke hadn’t noticed him
barging in. Michael, unlike Luke, is devastatingly drunk. He’s had three cups
of beer and God knows how many shots since the party started. “I couldn’t find
you anywhere and I got worried,” Michael explains, stumbling all the way to
Luke. When he finally reaches him, he wraps his arms around his middle, shoving
his face into Luke’s shoulder, rubbing his cheek on it.
“I think you’ve had too much to drink, Michael,” Luke chuckles, but it doesn’t
stop him from bringing his hand up to Michael’s hair, calmly stroking it.
“That feels nice and all, it really does,” Michael starts, practically purring
at Luke’s hand moving in his soft hair. “But you promised me something, and
you’re not really keeping your promise by hiding in here. And don’t even try to
deny it, I know you.” Michael manages to regain his balance, standing up
straight and moving away from Luke so he can give him a stern look, to prove
that he’s being serious. It’s a bit hard to believe that he is, though, with
his hair all ruffled and messy, flushed cheeks and bloodshot eyes. Michael’s
the worst drunk person in the best of ways and Luke loves it.
“I’m sorry. I just, I can’t. I can’t just approach someone who is most likely
very much straight and try to kiss him, can I?” Luke snorts humorlessly. He
isn’t feeling it tonight. They shouldn’t have come here, Luke can find someone
to ‘experiment’ with somewhere else rather than a room full of his classmates
where he can easily embarrass and accidentally out himself in public.
“You don’t have to approach anyone, Luke,” Michael insists stubbornly. “Just
come dance with me and Cal, be around people rather than hiding in here. I’m
sure someone will, you know, try something. Plus, even if no one does, just
have fun with us! This isn’t my thing either, you know it isn’t. But I’m doing
it for you, and the alcohol was a lot of help. You should try that.” Michael
crackles and Luke rolls his eyes. He feels bad. He knows Michael hates parties,
knows he doesn’t usually get drunk in public and he’d rather be at home with
Luke and his Xbox right now, especially since it’s the weekend and that’s
Michael’s time for himself.
“Fine,” Luke huffs, looking down at his mostly full cup of beer. He decides to
just say ‘fuck it’ as he lifts the plastic cup up to his lips, jugging the
content of it down in one swig. “But I’m going to need a lot more alcohol if
I’m going anywhere near that makeshift dance floor.”
***
Michael’s proud of Luke. He downs another cup of beer and two shots of
something that smells really bad and probably tastes the same, but he doesn’t
complain. He smirks wickedly at Michael and grabs him by the wrist, pulling him
to the living room. Michael’s alcohol soaked brain is probably imagining
things, making it all up because he’s so hazy, but he feels like Luke’s staying
especially close to him tonight.
Sure, him and Luke are already like that, already joined by the hip and never
leave each other’s side, but tonight feels different. It’s definitely the
alcohol, Michael’s convinced, but it doesn’t stop him from noticing the way
Luke, who never dances, presses his back against Michael’s chest as they move
together. It’s not really dancing, they’re just pressed up together and swaying
side to side with the music, but Michael’s heart thumps so loud and fast he’s
sure Luke’s going to notice. He feels all the blood rush to his face as Luke
throws his head back to rest on Michael’s shoulder, a giggle slipping past his
lips.
“I’m having so much fun, Mikey!” Luke shouts over the music, making Michael’s
lips stretch into a smile of his own as he watches his best friend giggle, pure
joy splayed out on his face. Michael loves drunk Luke, he never gets a chance
to see drunk Luke out of his room.
“I-“ Michael starts, but he gets cut off by someone tapping on his shoulder.
Both Michael and Luke stop moving, Luke putting some space between them so he
can turn around and look at whoever was disturbing them. He really doesn’t want
Luke to move any further away. It’s wrong of him, Luke’s his best friend and
he’s confused about what he wants right now and Michael’s using that in his
favor, indulging that stupid little crush of his.
Michael’s drunken mind takes a full minute to recognize the guy who tapped his
shoulder, his name’s Ryan Lewis and he’s in Luke, Calum and Michael’s history
and biology classes and on Calum’s team. He’s tall and has wide shoulders, his
physical strength pretty much radiates from him. He doesn’t seem threatening at
the moment though, he looks drunk like everyone else and there’s a huge grin on
his face as he looks between Luke and Michael for a second, before his eyes
settle on Luke.
“Are you Luke?” the question is clearly directed at Luke and Michael raises an
eyebrow. Why does Ryan Lewis care about Luke all of the sudden? Why does it
make Michael feel the need to step between them and block Luke out of Ryan’s
view? Luke seems to be taken back by the sudden, surprising question. He gives
Michael a quick glance that Michael recognizes as ‘I’m just as confused as you
are’ before he clears his throat and nods
 “Y-yeah, I’m Luke. And you’re Ryan, and this is Michael…” his voice trails off
as he chuckles and it makes Michael laugh. Michael absolutely adores drunk
Luke. Ryan laughs along before he waves his hand around in the air
dismissively.
“No, no that’s not what I meant, sorry. I guess I’m a bit drunker than I
thought,” he lifts his red cup up to emphasize before he goes on. “Calum talks
about you all the time and he said you were having a bad time tonight, so he
gently suggested we should… talk.” There’s something weird about Ryan’s tone,
Michael knows where this is going and he doesn’t like it, not at all. “Uh,
alone. If you know what I mean.” He adds, giving Michael a quick look like he’d
only just noticed him.
If Michael was just a bit drunker than he already is right now, he’d probably
punch him. But then Luke looks at him with those huge, pretty blue eyes of his
and Michael already knows Luke wants to go with Ryan. Luke isn’t stupid, he
knows what Ryan wants. And Michael has no idea why it upsets him so much,
that’s what they came here for, anyway.
“Go.” Is all Michael manages, chin jerking in Ryan’s direction. Luke’s smile
spread all the way up to his eyes as he gives Michael’s side a gentle pinch,
making him yelp in shock.
“Thanks, Mikey.” He whispers with a small wave, and then he and Ryan are gone
and Michael’s left alone in the middle of the dance floor.
***
Michael hates this guy. He’s been creepily standing beside the glass door that
leads to the backyard, where Luke and Ryan are lying down on the grass, both of
them on their back as they talk and occasionally laugh.
Michael hates Ryan Lewis.
“I know, you’ve said that like, a billion times since Luke went with him. Will
you shut up already? You’re killing my mood.” Calum snaps and Michael realizes
he said it out loud. He doesn’t even care, he hates this guy. He’s so jealous
he feels it in his veins, he doesn’t want Luke to hook up with this guy, or any
other guy, for that matter. He selfishly wants Luke all for himself.
“Sorry,” Michael tells Calum, both of them knowing he really doesn’t mean it as
he keeps glaring at Luke and Ryan. He hates himself for being so mad, for not
being able to be happy for Luke for doing something he pushed him to do. He’s
the worst best friend in the whole world.
“Dude, why don’t you just tell him?” Calum surprises Michael by asking,
catching him off guard. Is he being that obvious? Has Calum got it all figured
out? He hates that sometimes people read him like an open book. Luke does it
effortlessly, but lately he’s noticed that Calum and his mother do it. Is
Michael that bad at hiding his feelings?
“What?” Michael plays dumb, maybe Calum’s drunk enough that Michael can confuse
him and make him drop it. He won’t remember it tomorrow. It’s a slight chance,
but Michael’s going to try nonetheless.
“No! You don’t get to do that!” Calum cries and Michael knows he’s absolutely
done for as Calum points a finger at him with a dangerous look in his dark
eyes. “You don’t get to act like your entire existence revolves around Luke and
then pretend like you’re not head over heels for him! The least you can do is
not lie right to my fucking face you huge- you huge asshole!” If Calum wasn’t
able to punch all of Michael’s teeth in, he’d definitely laugh. Calum is the
funniest drunk person, and also the funniest angry person. Combine them both
and you get the best comedy show. But Michael wouldn’t dare to laugh, Calum
would skin him.
“Would you stop screaming?” he pleads instead, looking around frantically. Luke
could easily hear them, the glass on that door isn’t that thick. Calum scowls
and crosses his arms over his chest, but he doesn’t say anything, gives Michael
a chance to talk, so Michael sighs and clears his throat.
“I think I like him, alright? Is that what you wanted to hear?” Michael doesn’t
know why he’s so mad at Calum, it’s not his fault he started liking his own
best friend. It’s not a fucking romantic comedy movie. He sighs once more,
lowering his voice as he continues.
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while, about him, that way. Luke’s the only
person I’m this comfortable around, he’s the only person I allow into my room
when I really don’t feel like seeing or talking to anyone, he’s the only person
I could go hours on end talking to, or sitting in complete silence with and
never get bored. He’s the only person I let sleep in my bed. He’s my best
friend, and I fucked up. I fell for my best friend.” He realizes how defeated
he sounds, he also acknowledges the way Calum’s face softens and he doesn’t
look like he wants to punch Michael anymore, he looks like he feels sorry for
him.
“You fell for him?” Calum’s jaw nearly drops when he repeats Michael’s own
words, and only then it clicks in Michael’s head, only then he realizes what he
said. He’s in love with Luke. It’s not a silly crush he’ll probably get over in
a week, it’s more than that. Luke’s his best friend and he’s in love with him.
“I- shit, Cal. I think I am.” Michael’s shoulders drop and suddenly he doesn’t
feel the rush of alcohol burning in him anymore. He feels exhausted,
emotionally and physically, he wants to cry and scream and maybe punch a wall,
just to let it all out. He can’t be in love with Luke. Michael’s knees buckle,
he feels so weak and small. He slides down against the wall until he’s sitting
on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest as he blankly stares ahead.
“Hey,” Calum’s voice is soft even though the music is still deafeningly playing
through the speakers, making the floor shake. Calum crouches down next to
Michael, resting a hand on his knee. “Are you okay?”
Michael shakes his head. “Can we go now?” he looks into Calum’s dark eyes. He
knows he’s ruining his night, Calum should be thrilled, should be partying with
his friends since they won the game and that’s always exciting, especially for
Calum who’s always been passionate about soccer.
“I really don’t mind, but what about…” Calum’s voice trails off as he looks
outside with his eyebrows furrowed. He looks somewhere behind Michael, biting
the inside of his cheek. Michael nearly forgot. They can’t go and leave Luke,
Michael knows that. He doesn’t even consider that.
“We’ll wait for him, we can’t leave him here. I don’t trust that guy,” Michael
sighs for what must be the millionth time in the past ten minutes, rolling his
eyes. He hates that guy. “And Luke’s drunk anyway, they both are. I don’t want
to risk it.” Michael adds and Calum nods, getting up from the floor, towering
over Michael. He feels even smaller now.
“I’m going to get us some water and then we can just go sit somewhere and wait
for him, okay?” Calum asks and Michael simply nods. So Calum gives him one more
concerned look before he disappears into the crowd and makes his way to the
kitchen. Michael’s so busy moping and sulking and just feeling sorry for
himself he doesn’t notice there’s someone standing next to him, or rather,
above him, until they speak.
“Michael, right?” The voice is familiar but the music is loud and Michael’s
head is pounding, so he doesn’t recognize it until he lifts his head up to meet
the guy whose house his in, Ashton. He’s tall and muscular, he’s got a mop of
cute curls at the top of his head and a huge, kind smile that Michael can’t
help but return.
Michael nods, not sure what he’s supposed to say. But Ashton doesn’t expect him
to say anything, apparently. He sits down directly in front of Michael on the
floor, his grin never faltering.
“Why are you sitting here on the floor all by yourself, Michael?” Ashton asks,
and it doesn’t even sound like he’s sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong,
it sounds like a genuine question, like he honestly wants to know. So Michael
sighs, decides to let his guard down for one minute and not attack Ashton for
simply being nice, like he’d normally do.
“I don’t feel so good, I had too much to drink so Calum went to get me some
water.” It isn’t a complete lie. He definitely doesn’t feel good, he definitely
had too much to drink and Calum did go to get water. So why does it feel like
he’s not fooling anyone?
If Ashton notices that something’s off about Michael’s story, he doesn’t say it
or show it in any way. He simply nods, offering Michael another smile. “I’ll
wait with you. Don’t want anyone passing out in the middle of my living room.”
Michael chuckles, he sees the expression on Ashton’s face and knows it’s more
than just ‘I don’t want to be responsible for any possible injuries in my
house’, he sees behind that façade, but he stays quiet, silently accepting
Ashton’s concern.
“I brought you- oh, hey, Ash.” Calum smiles as he approaches them, grinning at
Ashton as he leans down to hand Michael a plastic cup filled with cold water
that Michael really needs right now.
If he could count on his senses at the moment, he’d definitely say Ashton and
Calum are having a moment, both of them grinning widely at each other, but he
doesn’t say anything. The three of them sit on the floor and talk for what
feels like years to Michael. He likes Ashton, he enjoys his company and decides
he’s a really great guy and they should definitely invite him next time he,
Calum and Luke do something fun together, but he’s exhausted and drunk and
upset over Luke and he just wants to leave.
“Guys?” Michael’s head whips up at the sound of his best friend’s voice. All
three of them look up and are met with a very confused looking Luke, and an
even more confused, and slightly sheepish looking Ryan.
“Thank God! We’ve been waiting for you for ages,” Michael takes a mental note
to thank Calum later for never letting things get too awkward. He gets up from
the floor, offering his hand to Ashton, pulling him to his feet as well.
“Michael’s not feeling good, we wanted to leave but didn’t want to go without
you.” Calum explains and Luke’s head immediately snaps down to look at Michael
with those stupid, huge eyes of his that Michael loves so much.
“Mikey, I’m so sorry,” Luke’s voice is so small and apologetic it makes Michael
feel dizzy. He doesn’t want Luke to feel bad, but Luke drops to his knees next
to Michael, plastering himself to his side. “I shouldn’t have left you alone.
I’m so, so sorry. Are you okay?” Luke’s keeps his voice down so only Michael
can hear him.
“‘s fine, I’m fine. I just want to go home. Please?” He hates himself for doing
this, for using that tone and that look that he knows Luke can’t say no to, but
he just wants to get out of here, he wants to get home and climb into bed and
not speak to anyone again for the next ten years.
“Yes, yes, of course. Let’s go.” Luke says, squeezing Michael one more time
before getting back up to his feet, helping Michael get up as well.
“I’ll walk you guys out,” Ashton offers, breaking the uncomfortable silence
that falls on the group. It’s all so awkward; Ashton and Calum are leading the
way, laughing quietly about something Michael can’t hear while Luke is walking
between Michael and Ryan, not one of them talking.
“Thanks so much, Ash. Tonight was awesome.” Calum grins when they’re at the
door. He wraps his arms around Ashton and they hug quickly, like they want to
but they shouldn’t because they’re too cool or too straight for that. Michael
thinks they’re being stupid and he can’t believe Calum was the one yelling at
him for not wanting to tell Luke he likes him when he’s doing the same thing
with Ashton.
“So, I guess I’ll see you at school on Monday?” he hears Luke saying by his
side, making him look away from Calum and Ashton. He’s about to ask him what
he’s talking about, they’re going home together and Michael is probably going
to as Luke to stay over, but then he remembers that Ryan’s there, and he’s the
one Luke is talking to.
“Remember what we talked about, yeah?” Ryan says in response and Luke nods,
head dropping to look at the floor. Something isn’t right, Michael knows. He’s
going to have to ask Luke about it later.
“Bye guys!” Ryan says, louder this time because it’s directed at all of them.
Everyone but Michael says goodbye to him collectively and he disappears back
inside. Michael couldn’t be any more grateful, he feels like a huge weight has
been lifted off his shoulders once Ryan’s finally gone, he can breathe better
now.
They say their goodbyes to Ashton and thank him for the party, and then they
leave. The night air feels great against Michael’s skin as they walk home.
“So, Luke,” Calum’s the first to speak after they walk in silence for ten whole
minutes. “Did something happen between you and Ryan tonight? I sent him your
way because he’s the only gay guy I knew at the party.” Calum chuckles, but
then Michael looks up at him and meets his eyes so Calum sends him an
apologetic look.
“Yeah,” Luke says, blushing. It feels like someone punched Michael right in the
gut. “We talked for a really long while, he’s funny. And we kissed, at some
point. It felt really nice, actually.” Luke bites his bottom lip and looks up
at Michael. Michael doesn’t know why Luke’s looking at him like that, he wasn’t
the one asking the question. He doesn’t want to hear about how Ryan’s a great
kisser or how Luke likes him. Or maybe he does know why he’s looking at him
like that, Luke is seeking for his approval. Luke wants Michael to say
something encouraging or say how proud he is, he was the one who told Luke to
go through with this. But he can’t, he looks away from Luke.
“That’s cool, so are you guys going to do something about this, or?” Calum
asks, like he’s not sure what he is or isn’t supposed to ask and Michael wants
to smack him across the head. He’s obviously making Luke feel weird and he
hates that, but he’s still upset and irritated and he doesn’t feel like vocally
speaking up for Luke at the moment, so he settles for glaring at Calum.
“He, uh, he kind of asked me to not talk about this at school. About what
happened between us, I mean.” Luke says and it feels like a wakeup call just
for Michael, it’s like an alarm is going off in his head, screaming at him
loudly. All his senses kick in and he forgets all about being upset or angry.
Something isn’t right.
“What?” Michael’s voice sounds like he spent the entire night screaming. Luke
looks at him nervously, nodding his head.
“He said we could hang out and see where this is going outside of school, but
he asked me to just, keep it down at school.” Luke says and Michael wants to
turn on his heel and run back to Ashton’s house and find Ryan and give him a
piece of his mind.
“So he basically asked you to keep your… relationship a secret because, what?
He’s too popular and too cool to be seen with you?” Michael quirks an eyebrow
at Luke and Luke does that thing where he shrinks himself. He was always
physically smaller than Calum and Michael, but somewhere about a year ago he’d
started growing, really fast. Luke likes to pretend like he isn’t a head taller
than everyone else and makes himself look small by curling into a ball or
slumping his shoulders at every given opportunity.
“Michael-“ Calum tries, but Michael isn’t finished. He knows what he’s doing is
wrong, he shouldn’t be yelling at Luke or lecturing him, it’s Luke’s choice and
if Luke wants to go ahead and have a “secret relationship” with this guy, then
he should do it and Michael shouldn’t have a say in this, but he can’t help it.
“So you’re just going to secretly meet him in the bathroom or in the janitor’s
closet and have heated make out sessions like you’re in some stupid movie?”
Michael raises his voice. He hasn’t even noticed they stopped walking and he’s
now standing far too close to Luke, yelling into his face. “Wake up, Luke!
There’s something seriously wrong here, don’t be stupid!” Michael regrets the
words the second they leave his mouth, but it’s too late to take them back now.
The hurt look on Luke’s face is the most devastating thing Michael had ever
experienced.
“I’m not even out yet, Michael, I don’t even know what I want. So no, I don’t
care that he asked me to keep this quiet and I don’t care if we have to sneak
around to see each other. You don’t get to just, just stand there and yell at
me! This was your idea, after all.” And Michael knows Luke’s right, he knows he
shouldn’t have lashed out and shouldn’t have let the mix of jealousy and
alcohol in his blood mess with his head and say those things, but he can’t take
it back, he’s too caught up in the situation. It’s out there and the atmosphere
feels strange around them, like there’s a big storm coming and Michael hates
it.
Michael can’t gain control over his mouth when it twists up into a bitter
smile. “Alright, then, if you insist on being so naïve, go ahead, I won’t stop
you. But don’t come crying to me when he breaks your heart, Luke. Because you
know he will,” Michael takes a step back, purposely avoiding Luke’s eyes,
knowing that if he’d look in them he’d find pain and possibly a few tears in
them, and he can’t handle that.
Instead, he looks at Calum who stands there awkwardly, eyes set on the floor.
“I’ll see you at school.” Michael throws in Calum’s way before he turns around,
not looking at either of his friends as he walks in the direction of his house,
swallowing down some tears of his own.
***
Luke spends his entire Sunday night curled up into a ball on his bed. His
mother comes in a few times, she tries to talk to him or convince him to come
downstairs and get some food but he just shakes his head until she leaves. His
father comes in once and tries to get Luke to talk too. It doesn’t work. His
parents even call his oldest brother, Jack. He makes all the way to his
childhood house from the new apartment he’d just bought with his girlfriend.
Jack sits on the bed with Luke and physically shakes him until Luke snaps.
“Leave me alone, Jack!” he hisses, shrugging Jack’s hands off his shoulders,
shuffling away from him with a sniffle.
“I will, if you talk to me.” Jack says, making Luke roll his eyes and wipe his
tears away with the back of his hand. When Luke doesn’t say anything, Jack
presses even further. “Okay, so I’ll guess and you’ll nod or shake your head,
yeah?” Luke rolls his eyes again, but he nods his head yes. Jack smiles,
humming as he thinks about his next question.
“Is this about school?” Jack asks and Luke shakes his head.
“Is this about a girl?” Jack lifts an eyebrow and Luke swallows thickly.
Definitely not a girl, Luke thinks. He shakes his head once more.
“Alright,” Jack hums and Luke knows he doesn’t like where this is going. “Is
this about a boy, then?” He quirks an eyebrow and Luke’s whole face flashes red
as his heart races. He could lie, but Luke’s the worst liar and Jack will
definitely know he’s not telling the truth. So instead of answering, he lets
his head drop, looking down at his fingers silently.
“Do you like a boy, Luke?” Jack presses and a quiet sob escapes past Luke’s
lips before he can control himself. He nods, not daring to look up at Jack.
This is not how he thought he’d come out to his brother. They’ve always been
close, him and Jack and Ben. Luke imagined coming out to them would be
different.
“Luke, Luke, it’s okay. Look at me, don’t cry.” Jack mumbles, wrapping an arm
around Luke’s shoulder and pulling him into his chest. Luke shatters
completely, hiccups stifled by the fabric of Jack’s shirt as he rubs his back
soothingly, whispering things like ‘it’s alright’ into Luke’s ear until Luke
manages to calm down.
“Do you want to tell me?” Jack asks when Luke doesn’t say anything. His head is
throbbing and his face is damp with tears. There’s nothing for him to lose, he
should just tell Jack and get this over with. He nods, taking a deep breath.
Luke tells Jack about how he’d developed feeling for Michael, how he realized
he doesn’t only like girls. He tells Jack that he thinks he’s bisexual, like
Michael. He tells Jack all about coming out to Michael and then to Calum, about
the party and how he thought he was doing the right thing by trying to get
together with another guy so he could make Michael proud and maybe, just maybe
get over how much he likes Michael. He tells Jack about Ryan and how he told
him to not talk about what happened between them and how Michael snapped at
him, how much he hurt his feelings. He tells Jack that he’s so terrified
because Michael probably hates him now and Michael’s his best friend and he
can’t lose him.
Luke sighs deeply when he’s done, still not meeting Jack’s eyes. He feels
stupid and embarrassed, but relieved. He’s relieved Jack knows now, he’s
relieved he got it all off his chest and he’s relieved he has someone to talk
to now that Michael, well, isn’t talking to him.
“I’m so glad you told me,” Jack surprises Luke by saying. He looks up
hesitantly, meeting Jack’s eyes. He and Jack have always been similar,
personality wise and physically wise. Everyone always says that Luke is going
to look just like Jack in a couple of years, it always makes them laugh.
“You are?” Luke’s voice is so weak, barely above a whisper. He was so scared of
telling his family, he thought they’d hate him. He has two older brothers who
are as close as it gets to being perfect, both of them graduating with
excellence and going into college, with their perfect jobs and perfect
girlfriends. And then there’s Luke; Shy Luke who’s always been interested in
only two things, music and Michael. Luke wishes he was more like his brothers.
“Of course I am!” Jack cries, shoving Luke by the shoulder playfully. “Luke,
you’re my brother. Do you really think the fact that you’re bisexual is going
to make me love you any less? I thought you knew me better.” He says with a
snort and Luke chuckles.
“I didn’t think you- I don’t know what I thought, actually. It’s just scary.”
Luke explains, biting his bottom lip. As relieving as telling Jack might be, it
didn’t solve any of his problems. He still likes Michael, Michael still hates
him and he has no idea what he’s going to do with Ryan.
“Michael doesn’t hate you, Luke.” Jack says as if he’d just read Luke mind.
“He does, I know he does,” Luke’s teeth sink into his bottom lip, biting down
on it mercilessly. “I can’t lose him, Jack. Michael is my best friend.” Luke
feels tears burning at the back of his eyes again, all he’s been doing lately
is crying and it’s starting to get on his nerves. Ha hates being that guy that
cries at everything.
Jack leans closer to Luke, taking both of Luke’s hands in his own bigger one,
covering them. “You’re going to make up, everyone fights, Luke. He doesn’t hate
him. I know it’s a complicated situation, with you liking him and all, but
you’ll see that it’ll resolve itself. Take my word for it.”
Luke sighs. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with Ryan. Is it weird that he
asked me to keep this whole thing a secret?” Jack frowns.
“Do you like him?” he asks and Luke bites his lip, thinking. He’s not Michael.
But that’s not fair, he can’t compare everyone in the world to Michael. Ryan’s
funny and nice and Luke had fun with him at the party. He nods.
“Alright, then give it a chance, if that’s what you want,” Jack claps Luke’s
back. “Maybe having someone like him around could help you get over Michael,
who knows?”
***
“Are you sure about this?” Luke whispers, his back now pressed up against some
closet behind him while Ryan kisses up his neck, humming.
It’s been a week and a half since the party and Luke’s having a great time. He
and Ryan see each other at every given opportunity. They’ve managed to keep
their hands off each other at school until today, but after lunch Ryan grabbed
Luke by the collar of his shirt and shoved him into the nearest closet. Luke
would say everything’s going well for him, but he can’t get Michael’s words out
of his head.
Luke and Michael haven’t spoken since that night, Luke’s been trying to text
and call him he even chased him around at school, but Michael just keeps
ignoring him and skipping school. Luke’s hurt and he misses his best friend,
but he’s helpless. If Michael doesn’t want him as a friend anymore… Luke’s not
sure what he’s going to do if Michael doesn’t talk to him soon.
“Hello? Earth to Luke, are you even listening?” Ryan says with a snort,
snapping Luke’s attention back to present time. He hasn’t been himself since he
and Michael had that fight, he doesn’t feel whole without him.
“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Luke sighs, pushing Ryan back just a bit by his chest so
their faces aren’t pressed together anymore and he can look at him. “I can’t,
not today. My head’s not here.” Luke slumps back against the wall with a quiet
thud. He feels like he might be sick, he has been feeling that way for over a
week and it’s messing with his head. He’s barely been eating or sleeping, he’s
been skipping class and ignoring Calum, everything is going wrong.
“Is this about Michael, again?” Ryan’s tone makes Luke flinch back, eyes flying
open as he furrows his eyebrows.
“You know it is. I already told you, he’s my best friend and-“ Luke doesn’t get
to finish. Ryan rolls his eyes and waves his hands around. Luke doesn’t like
where this is going.
“Yeah, Luke, I know! He’s all you ever talk about.” Ryan raises his voice, and
before Luke even has time to register what’s going on, Ryan’s hands are on his
chest, pushing him backwards until his back is pressed flat against the hard
wall, making Luke gasp in shock and a little bit of pain. Luke closes in on
himself and shrinks himself as if he could hide himself, he can’t handle
yelling, not to mention physical aggressiveness.
“Do you even want to be with me? All you ever talk about is him, so maybe he’s
the one you really want.” Ryan hisses, but Luke doesn’t get to say anything in
response because there’s a door slamming right in his face. He can’t really
move, glued to the floor. He slides down against the wall until he’s sitting on
the floor, running a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath. Nothing is
going right for him and all he really needs is his best friend back, he needs
someone to ground him and tell him what just happened wasn’t okay. Luke doesn’t
know how to handle things on his own.
Luke sits there on the floor for a while until the bell rings and he hears all
the kids pouring out of the classrooms, it’s the end of the day. He hears a lot
of chatter and laughter but he tunes them all out. He takes one more deep
breath and pulls himself up, finally leaving the cramped closet.
Luke nearly falls right back to the floor when he opens the door and the first
sight he’s met with is Ryan, his Ryan, if he could even call him that, pressed
up against a locker, shamelessly kissing a dark haired boy who is slightly
shorter than him. Luke doesn’t recognize the guy with his back to him but he
doesn’t even care. He can’t control the gasp that leaves his mouth, hand
clamping over it in shock. The hallway is mostly empty now, most of the kids
have gone home already so the noise he made echoes through the room, bouncing
off the wall. Ryan and the guy stop kissing, both of them now looking at Luke.
“I- I don’t-“ Luke mumbles, stumbling backwards until his back hits a locker
and he has no room to move. His eyes never leave Ryan, whose lips are now
curling up into a wicked smile. Luke wants to run, but his feet feel cemented
to the floor.
“Are you okay?” Ryan asks innocently, a concerned look on his face. Ryan’s
friend seems confused, looking between Ryan and Luke with raised eyebrows
before settling on looking at Ryan with a frown, probably waiting for an
explanation.
“Do you know him?” he whispers, but Luke still hears him, loud and clear. Ryan
shrugs.
“He’s friends with Calum, from my team,” Ryan looks at Luke again. “Let’s go.”
He says, lacing his fingers with the other guy’s, pulling him along. Right
before they reach the door and push it open, Ryan turns around to flash look
one last smile that makes Luke’s stomach churn.
***
“Luke? Are you okay?” Calum’s eyes are wide with shock and concern as he throws
his house door open for Luke. Luke ran all the way from school, he didn’t know
where to go. He doesn’t want to be alone, but he can’t go to Michael, Michael
hates him and he specifically told Luke not to come to him when Ryan breaks his
heart. He’s never felt worse for not listening to his friend.
“I- Ryan… he-“ Luke’s breath is ragged and shaky as he leans against Calum’s
doorframe, eyes wide. He wants to cry, he wants to scream and he wants to find
someone he could blame for this, but it’s his fault. Entirely on him.
“C’mere.” Calum’s voice is soft and soothing as he pulls Luke into him, sending
him crashing into his chest as he lets out a pained sob. He and Calum slide
down so they’re sitting on the floor by the door, Luke hiccupping into the
fabric of Calum’s shirt uncontrollably. He feels pathetic.
Luke cries for what feels like hours, letting out all his frustrations about
what happened with Ryan and Michael, he’s even upset about the way he told Jack
about everything.
When he calms down Calum pulls him up from the floor and leads him upstairs. He
leaves Luke to sit on his bed while he shuffles downstairs. Luke sits there,
motionless, feeling numb and stupid as he stares ahead to the wall and waits
for Calum to come back. When he does, he hands Luke a steamy mug. Luke realizes
it’s tea when he pours the hot, honey-flavored liquid down his throat.
Luke tells Calum everything; he tells him that he likes Michael and the whole
thing with Ryan only started so he could get over him, he tells him about how
much he misses Michael and how terrible he feels for letting their conversation
become a fight, he tells Calum about Jack and how he ‘came out’ to him. He
saves what happened with Ryan for last, knowing Calum would probably snap. He’s
right.
Calum shouts angrily and waves his arms around in the air, cursing and
screaming out empty threats, saying he’s going to ‘kill him the next time I see
him’. Luke doesn’t register any of it. His head is pounding and his chest feels
like it’s on fire, he’s dizzy and he just misses Michael. He wants to sleep for
months and wake up when this nightmare is over. So he tells Calum that he needs
to rest and he looks at him with the biggest, saddest eyes and lets him sleep,
puts him down in his bed and tells him to rest for a while.
Luke falls asleep within seconds, wishing Michael was there to hold him.
***
Michael pretends to be sick and doesn’t go to school for three whole days. He
has no idea how he had managed to pull that one off because he knows for a fact
his mother knows the real reason he’s been upset, but she hasn’t said anything.
She keeps bringing food and tea up to Michael’s room and keeps asking him if
he’s feeling better.
“Michael?” Karen’s quiet voice comes from behind the door, followed by a soft
knock. Michael mutters something in response that is meant to sound like
‘what’, but he fears he had lost the ability to form real words since he fought
with Luke. His mother understands him nonetheless and opens the door just a bit
and peeks her head through the small crack, flashing him a small smile.
“Someone’s here to see you,” She says and Michael’s heart jumps up to his
throat as he darts into a sitting position on his bed, lifting his head up so
he can look at her properly. Michael suspects she immediately understands his
look as she clears her throat. “It’s Calum.” She adds quietly and Michael
freezes and sighs deeply.
“Let him in, I guess.” Michael mutters, shrugging. He really thought it was
Luke. It’s not that he doesn’t want to see Calum, he just doesn’t want to see
anyone who isn’t Luke, he’s been miserable since their fight.
“Hey, Mike,” Calum weakly smiles as he walks into Michael’s room, shutting the
door behind him and moving to sit down on the bed right next to Michael.
Michael doesn’t say anything, he’s not in the mood. “I know you don’t really
want to see anyone, but I need to talk to you about Luke.” That does the trick
for Michael. His head snaps up as he stares into Calum’s dark eyes. They’re
wide and there’s something in them, Michael can’t put his finger on it but he
knows something’s wrong, Calum didn’t come here to talk about their fight,
something must’ve happened.
“Is he- God, Calum is Luke okay? Did something happen?” It takes everything in
Michael not to reach out and grab Calum’s shoulders and shake the hell out of
him. All Michael think about is different, awful scenarios. What if Luke got
into an accident? What if Luke’s missing? For all he knows, Luke could be on
the other side of the world right now. Michael feels guilty, he should’ve tried
to talk to Luke. Now it’s too late.
“He’s came to my house two days ago, after school. Michael, he was a wreck,”
Calum says and Michael’s blood freezes in his veins. “He told me he and Ryan
argued and Ryan lost it, he pushed him back against a wall and then Luke saw
him kissing another guy. He’s really, really hurt, and he misses you. He kept
crying and telling me he needs you. I really think you should to talk to him,
he’s hurting and he needs his best friend.”
Michael stays silent, his body moves on itself like it’s on autopilot, anger
running through his veins, he feels so hot with how mad he is. He grabs the
first pair of shoes he finds under his bed and a Jacket that’s lying scattered
on the floor. He doesn’t say anything to Calum as he leaves his room, but he
can hear him trailing behind.
“Are you going to see him?” Calum asks once they’re outside of Michael’s house.
Michael shakes his head, still not speaking. He’s so angry and there’s only one
thing he wants to do. He halts his movements abruptly, sending Calum crashing
into his back because of the unexpected pause.
“Do you know where Lewis lives?” Michael asks, the sound of his own voice
taking him by surprise. It sounds dark and scratched and it doesn’t even feel
like it belongs to him. Calum raises his eyebrows but doesn’t question Michael.
He takes a deep breath and nods before he starts leading the way.
***
Luke couldn’t be happier to be home all by himself. His parents have gone to
visit Luke’s aunt for the rest of the week, Ben is spending the week at his
girlfriend’s place and Jack’s at his own apartment, so Luke gets a couple of
days just to himself. After what happened with Ryan, he really needs that. He
skips school and spends his days moping in the living room in front of the TV,
resisting the urge to pick up his phone and call Michael.
He isn’t expecting any guests, which is why he’s so surprised when there’s a
soft, quiet knock on his door at almost eleven, it’s too late for guests. He
barely manages to drag himself up from the couch, shuffling to the door with a
tired sigh. He really isn’t in the mood for anyone right now.
“Oh my God,” He barely chokes out. Michael is leaning against the doorframe,
body hunched forward. His shoulders are slumped and he has one arm wrapped
around his middle, and even though his head is bowed down, looking at the
floor, Luke doesn’t miss all the bruising on his face. He feels like his body
is made of stone and he doesn’t know how to react or what to do.
“I-I’m fine,” Michael’s voice cracks and Luke is definitely not convinced. “Can
I come in?” Michael asks in a way that makes Luke’s heart hurt in his chest
because he’s never asked for permission before, but he doesn’t say anything.
Instead, he nods, letting Michael lean his weight on him as he limps all the
way inside.
“Will you let me take care of you?” Luke asks shyly once Michael’s safely
sitting on the couch. Luke doesn’t know if Michael’s still mad at him and he
doesn’t want to risk upsetting him even more. Michael looks up into Luke’s eyes
and nods, Luke senses a barely-there smile playing on Michael’s lips. Luke nods
again, leaving Michael in the living room as he climbs upstairs into his
parents’ bathroom.
Luke collects a bunch of bandages, rubbing alcohol, cotton pads and a handful
of painkillers before he skips back downstairs, trying to balance everything
he’s holding while not tripping over his own feet. The last thing either of
them needs is Luke falling down all the stairs. Somehow, Luke safely makes it
to Michael, who doesn’t seem like he moved an inch since Luke left. He looks
hurt, more than physically, and it makes Luke’s chest feel tight.
None of them makes a single sound as Luke crouches down between Michael’s knees
on the floor, their faces close as Luke tries to clean Michael’s cuts the best
he can. There’s blood everywhere. Michael’s left eye already seems to be
blackening and his lip is covered in dried blood, that Luke discovers belongs
to the huge slice that’s right in the right side of it. Luke cleans it all up
with alcohol, ignoring Michael’s hisses of pain.
Luke takes care of Michael’s knuckles next, both of his hands are covered in
small cuts and bruises. It physically pains Luke to witness Michael’s state, he
swallows down the lump in his throat and blinks away his tears, he doesn’t get
to cry now.
He makes Michael remove his shirt next, and it almost sends Luke toppling down
to the floor when he does. Michael’s white, smooth, beautiful and soft skin is
covered in dark, purple bruises and Luke is convinced he got kicked.
“Mikey,” Luke whispers, barely managing to tear his eyes away from Michael’s
abused skin and into his teary eyes. Luke reaches his hand out hesitantly, his
fingertips gently ghosting over Michael’s bruised skin. Michael sucks in a
pained breath, his eyes never leaving Luke’s. The atmosphere feels different
all of the sudden, it feels intimate.
“Please tell me what happened.” Luke’s tone screams ‘I’m begging’ and Michael
doesn’t argue, he simply nods and sighs.
“Calum came over earlier, he told me what happened with Ryan. He told how hurt
you were- are,” Michael bites his lip, reaching out and taking Luke’s hand,
interlacing their fingers together. It feels so reliving to Luke, it feels safe
and familiar and Luke’s missed this terribly. He squeezes Michael’s hand,
encouraging him to keep talking. “I made him show me where Ryan lives, we, uh,
we got back at him. We made sure he’ll never touch you again.”
Luke gasps, covering his mouth with his free hand. He can’t look away from
Michael’s eyes, not that he even wants to, anyway. Michael’s green orbs are
wide with what Luke suspects is concern, fear and a little bit of pride. Luke
knows Michael well enough to know that no matter how physically hurt he is,
he’s still proud of himself for the little stunt he pulled.
“I- Mikey, I can’t believe you did that.” Luke mumbles, lunging himself forward
and into Michael’s arms, hugging him as tightly as he can until Michael whines
and Luke remembers his injuries.
“Shit- I’m sorry, are you okay?” Luke asks, raising his eyebrows.
Michael chuckles, though, and shakes his head, squeezing Luke’s hand. “Never
better.”
***
Luke and Michael wake up together the next morning, limbs tangled together in a
position that should be very, very uncomfortable on Luke’s couch, but neither
of them cares. It’s somehow still the most peaceful sleep either of them had in
the past two weeks.
“I need a shower.” Michael announces after a while, making the mistake of
trying to get up, then dropping right back down with a whimper. The sound of it
makes Luke’s heart hurt in his chest. He hates seeing Michael like this.
“I’ll help.” Luke says, gently detaching himself from Michael. He stands up and
then helps Michael stabilize on his own feet, letting him lean his weight on
Luke’s.
They walk as slow as possible, Luke studying Michael’s every feature with every
step they take, trying to make sure he isn’t in too much pain. They slowly
climb the stairs, one at a time. Michael occasionally hisses and whines in pain
and Luke apologizes every time as if he can control Michael’s pain, but
eventually they make it upstairs.
They find themselves standing in the middle of Luke’s bathroom, looking at each
other awkwardly. What’s the next step? They’ve done a lot of things together,
being naked around each other included, but they never had to witness each
other shower, but there’s no way Luke is risking Michael slipping and cracking
his skull open. He’s injured enough.
“Okay,” Luke decides, moving to stand closer to Michael. “There’s no need to
make this weird, right? We’ve seen each other naked before, it’s not a big
deal.” He says with a shrug. Even to Luke’s ears it sounds like he’s trying to
convince himself more than he’s trying to convince Michael, who doesn’t even
seem to have a problem. He chuckles and rolls his eyes, letting Luke pull his
shirt up his arms.
Luke helps Michael sit down on the closed toiled seat where he gets rid of the
rest of his clothes while Luke runs the bath, setting the water temperature and
filling up the tub until the water and bubbles nearly spill off the rim. Luke
tries really hard not to stare at Michael’s beautiful, bare body as he helps
him climb into the tub and eventually sit down in the warm water. Then, he
moves to sit where Michael previously sat, watching Michael’s every move in
case something goes wrong. He doesn’t know what could go wrong when Michael is
sitting down, but Michael’s gifted.
“Stop staring at me like I’m a baby and I might drown,” Michael snaps, laughing
shyly as he plays with the bubbles, avoiding Luke’s piercing eyes. “I’ve had a
bath before, you know.” He adds, making Luke snort and roll his eyes, finally
looking away from Michael, but he still has Luke’s full attention. Luke’s ready
to jump in and save him any second now.
“You’re talented like that. Remember when you fractured your foot?” Luke
giggles at the horrified look on Michael’s face. Luke knows he hates that
story. “You were literally asleep- God, I don’t know how you managed to fall
off the bed in such a terrible angle.” Luke crackles, unable to control the
laughter that’s bubbling in him, Michael pouts at him.
“You’re such an ass,” Michael says, and before Luke knows it there’s a huge
wave of soapy, warm water hitting his chest, wetting his shirt and a bit of his
neck. He gasps, he wasn’t ready for that. He should have been though, that’s
such a Michael thing to do.
“And I’m the ass!” Luke cries, getting up from the toilet seat, looking at his
soaked shirt. “I’m all wet now.” Luke says, his bottom lip jutting out in a
childish pout he knows Michael can’t ever resist.
“Just take it off, it’s water, it won’t kill you.” Michael chuckles and Luke
mutters something about how much of a kid he is, pulling his shirt over his
head and throwing it on the floor with Michael’s clothes. Luke looks up just in
time for Michael’s second hit, he splashes water all over Luke’s legs, so now
his sweatpants and socks are drenched too.
“Michael!” Luke screams, glaring at him. He can’t hold that serious act any
longer, though, because Michael has soapy bubbles all over his hair and face
and he’s pulling a funny face at Luke while sculpting a beard out of the
bubbles on his chin, so he laughs along while getting rid of his pants and
socks, leaving him in his black boxers alone.
“Luke?” Michael asks when they both calm down from their fit of laughter.
“What?” Luke tilts his head to the side, listening.
“Can you come here?” Michael asks quietly. “I have something to tell you.”
Luke’s confused and his brain is currently very much not functioning because
Michael is sitting right there in his tub, naked and bruised and Luke thinks
he’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. So he steps closer, crouches down
near the edge of the tub so he’s closer to Michael, their faces inches apart.
“I’m not sorry.” Is all Michael says and Luke doesn’t get a chance to even
register that or be confused because Michael splashes half of the water in the
tub right into Luke’s face, his skin and hair soaking up with soapy, bubbly
water.
“Oh, man,” Michael chokes out between hiccups of laughter, eyes crinkling
adorably as he throws his head back. Luke doesn’t even care that he’s soaked in
water anymore, he just wants Michael to never stop laughing. “You should have
seen your face, this is the best day of my life!” he squeals, making Luke
giggle. Luke suspects he’s grossly whipped.
“Now I’m cold.” Luke says, sticking his tongue out in Michael’s direction,
looking down at his mostly naked and water-dripping body.
“Get in, then,” Michael shrugs, absentmindedly playing around with the small
bubbles. “The water’s nice.” He adds, glancing over at Luke just for a second
before he looks back down, like he’s unsure of what he said. It makes Luke’s
stomach turn in the best of ways.
“I- really?” Luke asks stupidly, raising an eyebrow. Michael chuckles and nods.
He hisses in pain as he lifts himself up into a sitting position and making
room for Luke on the other side of the tub. So Luke takes that as a yes and
gets rid of his boxers, climbing into the bath with Michael.
The air feels different around them, there’s a strange, unfamiliar vibe. Luke
sits in front of Michael and they’re looking at each other like they’re
studying each other’s reactions to the situation. Luke thinks Michael looks
characteristically calm and unimpressed. Luke, on the other hand, feels like
his whole body is on fire, which makes no sense because he’s sitting in a tub
filled with water. He’s literally sitting in a bubble bath with Michael, both
of them naked and looking over at each other shyly.
“Luke?” Michael says quietly, it doesn’t really sound like a question and
Michael’s voice echoes through the silent bathroom.
“Yes?”
“Remember how you said you wanted to try things out with a guy and see if you
like it?” Michael asks and Luke blushes, looking down sheepishly. He still
nods, letting Michael continue. “Did you ever get a chance to actually… do
something, with Ryan?”
Luke looks up and bites his lip, shaking his head. “I mean, we didn’t go any
further than making out here and there, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Luke?” Michael repeats, making Luke chuckle.
“Yes?”
“Come here for a second, okay?” Luke remembers Michael’s trick from earlier,
but this is different. He doubts Michael is going to splash any water in his
face this time. Luke looks up from the floor of the tub to meet Michael’s wide
eyes, searching for an explanation in them. When he doesn’t find one, he moves
forward, shifts closer to Michael.
Michael must sense Luke’s disorientation because he reaches both of his hands
out, grabbing Luke’s shoulder and pulling him so he’s practically sitting in
Michael’s lap. Luke’s face flashes all different shades of red and pink as the
tip of his nose ghosts over Michael’s and they’re looking into each other’s
eyes, breathing the same air.
Luke is more than confused when Michael cups Luke’s right cheek with his small
hand, bringing Luke’s face closer until their lips are touching. It’s a barely-
there kiss, their lips are only brushing and softly touching but Luke feels
like he might explode. He doesn’t know what any of this means, if it means that
Michael likes him or maybe he’s just trying this out, testing the waters. Luke
decides to let it go for just one minute and simply enjoy whatever the hell it
is that Michael’s doing because it might end too soon.
Michael’s other hand slides down Luke’s back until it comes to rest on the
small of Luke’s back, just above his ass. It sends jolts of electricity through
Luke’s whole body and he decides to make this kiss a real one. He brings both
of his hands up to Michael’s face, holding his face closer and kissing Michael
harder. It’s messy and wet and their teeth clash but it feels so good to Luke.
He’s wanted to do that for a while.
Michael makes a whiney noise against Luke’s lips and suddenly his overheated
brain registers what’s going on. He realizes he’s hard, and he thinks Michael
is too because there’s something solid pressing up against his hip, but neither
of them stops or dares to break the kiss.
Luke feels Michael’s hands move from where they were on Luke’s back and cheek.
Instead, he places them down on Luke’s hips, right by his ass, and Luke uses
every bit of self restraint he’s still got to keep himself from moaning at that
alone. He has no actual idea what’s happening but he’s having too much fun to
stop.
“Wait,” Michael’s hand presses flat against Luke’s chest, holding him back.
“There was something I wanted to ask you before… this.” He says and Luke quirks
an eyebrow at him and leans away just a bit so he can look at Michael properly,
but he doesn’t dare to move any further than necessary.
“What is it?” Luke asks shakily.
“I’m not all that experienced, either, you know,” he starts, looking everywhere
but Luke’s eyes. “But I thought that we could, maybe, if you wanted to, try
things out together?” Michael suggests, peeking up at Luke but immediately
dropping his eyes back down to the water. Luke feels like he might explode. He
has so many questions; is Michael trying to suggest they’d be more than
friends? Does Michael like him? What does any of this even mean?
“You mean-“ Luke tries, but Michael cuts him off rapidly.
“Like, it doesn’t mean anything. You know, just friends trying out, uh, stuff
together?” Michael laughs and Luke knows it’s a nervous laughter, he knows that
one well. “I thought it’d be better to do everything for the first time with
you, rather than going through all that awkwardness with someone else.” He adds
and Luke stays silent, he feels really overwhelmed.
He can’t help but feel a bit disappointed, he thought he had a chance here, he
thought he could tell Michael how he feels about him and see if that’s the
reason Michael had suggested what he suggested. But Michael wants something
different, some kind of a ‘friends with benefits’ deal. Luke would be perfectly
fine with that if he wasn’t so madly in love with Michael.
Luke is definitely, one hundred percent in love with his best friend. He
suspects that’s why he can’t control his own mouth when he says; “Sounds
perfect.” Before he crashes his lips back onto Michael’s, he just wants to kiss
him. Even if it doesn’t mean much to Michael.
Michael bites down on Luke’s bottom lip gently, making him gasp and using the
opportunity to slip his tongue into Luke’s mouth. Luke does moan this time, it
feels really good. Michael feels really good and all he feels and breathes is
Michael, all he thinks is Michael.
Luke feels Michael’s hands on his hips again and he sighs contently into
Michael’s mouth. Michael pulls himself back, both of them panting, their
breaths coming in short puffs of hair against each other’s faces.
“Can I try something?” Michael whispers like it’s a secret, even though it’s
just them. It feels like they’re the only people in the world at the moment.
“Yeah, please,” Luke pants. “I thought that was the whole point.” He teases and
Michael snorts, pulling Luke back into him by the back of his neck.
Michael lets his hands slide down to Luke’s hips, he digs his fingers into
Luke’s skin gently and starts moving Luke’s body against his, making Luke’s
part his lip and moan quietly against Michael’s soft lips. Michael reaches
between them and aligns their cocks before he moves Luke again, the much needed
friction makes them both groan.
“Oh my God,” Michael rasps into Luke’s ear. “Luke, please move.” Michael’s plea
is all the encouragement Luke will ever need. He places both of his hands on
Michael’s shoulders and ruts against Michael.
“Mikey- fuck.” Luke whimpers, trying to quicken the speed of his hips as much
as he can as Michael thrusts his own hips up, trying to help Luke.
“Luke,” Michael sighs, shoving his face into Luke’s neck, biting down on the
soft skin. “That feels really good. Don’t stop.” Michael begs and if Luke
wasn’t so far gone he’d tell Michael he has absolutely no intention to.
Luke know there’s no chance in the world he’s going to last long, he’s
surprised he even lasted this much. Everything he sees, breathes and thinks
about is Michael, the only word he’s able to form is Michael’s name. He pushes
his hips against Michael, crying out in pleasure.
“Mikey, I-“ he tries, but Michael grabs his face and kisses him, hard, and Luke
doesn’t get to warn him before he comes between them, the white stripes
disappearing in the water.
“Luke, God.” Michael grunts and then he’s coming too, and it’s possibly the
most beautiful sight Luke’s ever witnessed. Michael’s eyebrows furrow together
and he bites down on his lip so hard Luke thinks he’s going to make his cut
bleed and he breathes hot and fast over Luke’s own face.
When both of them are breathing normally again, Michael chuckles, making Luke
look up at him nervously. He feels very self conscious right now that they’re
finished and he’s scared that Michael’s regretting it.
“What?” Luke asks quietly.
“We need to get out, like, now.” Michael laughs and Luke’s eyebrows stitch
together. Michael probably senses Luke’s confusion and nervousness because he
shakes his head. “Luke, there’s no easy to way to say this, but we’re literally
bathing in our own jizz right now. It’s kind of gross.”
Luke looks at Michael for a second, speechless. But he can’t control the
laughter that’s bubbling in his chest and he bursts out in a fit of giggles,
falling forward against Michael’s chest, lips against Michael’s skin as he
laughs.
“That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard.” Luke says between giggles,
making Michael laugh too.
“Let’s get out.” Luke says when he finally gets a hold of himself and stops
laughing. He gets up and climbs out of the tub before he helps Michael, making
sure to watch his injuries as he wraps him in a towel.
They make their way to the guest bathroom, needing to take a proper shower,
when Luke clears his throat, making Michael look up at him. “Mikey?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you- do you regret that? What we just did?” Luke asks, jerking his chin in
the direction of the room they just left.
“I really, really don’t.” Michael says. “Do you?”
“Not for a second.”
***
Michael loves what he and Luke are doing. Once they’ve both agreed that don’t
have any doubts about this little deal of theirs, they can’t take their hands
off each other; they sneak into the bathroom or any empty classrooms they can
find during lunch, they spend their afternoons locked up in either Luke or
Michael’s room, they just go for it. Everywhere. Neither of them has any idea
what they’re doing, but that’s the whole point.
They try everything there is to try regarding sex except for, well, sex.
Michael knows all of Luke’s sensitive spots by now, he knows what he likes best
and how he likes it. He knows Luke’s most ticklish parts and he knows the parts
that make him cry out in pleasure when Michael licks or sucks or bites on. He
knows how much Luke loves it when Michael pulls on his hair and he knows how
much Luke loves to pull on Michael’s hair. Michael knows Luke likes it when
Michael bosses him around and he knows Luke loves it when Michael praises him.
Michael knows Luke. And Luke knows Michael, too. They just work together so
well, they know when the other is uncomfortable and they know what they can and
can’t do or say, they just fit together.
Michael whishes he had had the courage to tell Luke how he really feels about
him the other day, he wishes he had told him he likes- no, loves him, that he
wants to be with him. That everything they do is wonderful and he’s having the
best time, but he would have an even better time if they did that as
boyfriends.
Michael just loves Luke and he really wants to tell him that.
***
Luke is over the moon. Michael’s parents are going to a hotel to celebrate
Karen’s birthday and they’re leaving the house for Michael and Luke. Luke
decides he wants to tell Michael he wants to go all the way.
Luke’s nearly throws up when he knocks on Michael’s door softly. Luke’s
nervous. He isn’t nervous because he’s having second guesses or because he’s
afraid it’d hurt, he’s nervous because it’s Michael and he wants to be the best
for him. He wants this experience to be the best for him, he doesn’t want to
disappoint him.
“Hey.” Michael smiles, leaning in and kissing Luke’s lips softly. It became a
normal thing for them, just like they’d always hold hands, cuddle or spoon when
they sleep. It’s just a thing they do now. Michael moves aside so Luke can walk
inside.
“Hey, Mikey.” Luke grins back when they part, walking past Michael.
“Are you nervous?” Michael asks, and Luke turns around so he’s facing Michael
again.
“Yeah, a little.” Luke chuckles and blushes. “I just don’t want it to suck for
you.”
“It won’t suck, Luke. It’s you. it’s going to be perfect,” Michael reaches out
and takes Luke’s hand in his, squeezing it. “For the both of us.”
So Luke nods, still feeling butterflies anxiously fluttering in his stomach. He
lets Michael lead him upstairs and into his room where he shuts the door and
locks it behind them, even though they have the house to themselves. Luke lets
Michael kiss him softly and walk him back to bed, both of them falling on it,
Michael on top of Luke. He lets Michael kiss him until they have to part so
they can undress.
Luke lets Michael whisper reassuring things into his ear as he pumps his semi a
few times, gets him fully hard. Luke lets Michael hold his hand while he gets
his slicked finger into Luke, slowly and gently opening him up until he’s got
three fingers thrusting in and out of Luke and Luke feels like he might lose it
if Michael doesn’t do anything more any time soon.
Everything seems to be moving in slow motion until that moment, when Luke tells
Michael he’s ready and Michael asks him if he’s sure and Luke nods. Michael
pumps his fingers a few more times for good measure before he pulls them out
and then time goes back to normal. Right then, when Michael is hovering above
Luke and they’re looking into each other’s eyes.
“Luke?”
“Yes?”
“I’m really glad you’re the one I’m doing this with.” Michael says and Luke
feels his heart swell in his chest. He wants to say something, maybe this is
the time to finally say it and get it off his chest. But he’s too much of a
chicken.
He nods instead, and smiles widely at his best friend. “Me too, Mikey. You’re
the only one I want here.” And then Michael kisses him, soft and gentle. Luke
feels loved and cared for.
“If I’m hurting you, you have to say something,” Michael says, waiting for
Luke’s nod before he’s pushing in. It feels strange and unfamiliar to Luke, it
hurts just a bit, but not enough to make Michael stop. Luke squeezes Michael’s
hand and sighs at the way it all feels, the way Michael leans down to pepper
small, sweet kisses all over Luke’s face and the way Michael asks him at least
ten times if he’s alright and if he wants him to keep going.
When Michael bottoms out he looks down and meeting Luke’s eyes and they both
grin at each other. “Does it feel alright?” he asks Luke.
“Yes,” Luke breathes, giving Michael’s hand another squeeze. “Feels great.
Please move.” He begs, so Michael doesn’t tease him.
Luke cries out in pleasure when Michael pulls out and thrusts back in. They
take it slow, not rushing but not too slow and it feels great. Luke sees stars.
Michael keeps kissing him and his neck, biting down and sucking on all the
right spots as he pounds into Luke until all Luke can do is moan and pant and
scream out Michael’s name.
“Please, Mikey,” Luke whines, his hips bucking to meet Michael’s thrusts
halfway. “Go faster.” He pants, so Michael gives it to him. Michael moves Luke
just a bit, angling him, before he’s slamming into him again, harder and
faster. Luke screams out and scratches Michael’s back when Michael hits his
prostate.
“Michael- Michael, oh my God,” Luke mumbles into Michael’s ear incoherently.
“C’mon, Lukey,” Michael breathes, thrusting into Luke even faster than both of
them thought was possible, both of them chasing their orgasms desperately. “I
got you. C’mon.”
And Luke loses it. He digs his nails into Michael’s fragile skin and gives one
last cry of Michael’s name when he comes between them, making a mess on both of
their stomachs. Michael isn’t far behind, like Luke’s own orgasm triggered
Michael’s, which makes everything even hotter and too good to be true.
Luke loses himself when he sees Michael, he looks so beautiful covered in a
thin sheet of sweat, lazily and sloppily thrusting into Luke to ride his
aftershocks, small, soft gasps escaping his lips.
“I love you.” Luke hears himself saying before he can even control his own
blabbering mouth. He feels all the blood leave his face as he realizes what he
just said, covering his mouth with his hand.
Michael freezes on top of him, looking down at Luke’s chest. “What?”
Luke decides it’s time to be brave. This is Michael, this is his best friend.
This is the person he’s done everything with, this is the first and only person
he thinks about when he’s sad or happy or when he just wants to lie down and
not do anything. He needs to be honest.
“I love you, Mikey. More than just my best friend. I’ve been… I’ve been so
confused for so long, and then I realized that you’re the only person I can
think about being with. You get me like nobody else does, you’re the only one.”
Luke rambles. Michael finally looks at him, his green orbs wide.
“I- hang on.” Michael says, chuckling as he pulls out of Luke and sits back. He
gets rid of the condom and gets up from the bed, disappearing into his
bathroom. He comes back with a wet washcloth and helps Luke clean up in
silence.
When he finally sits down beside Luke, he’s smiling.
“I have something to tell you,” Michael says and Luke nods. “I love you too.”
Luke’s jaw nearly drops. “You do?”
“I do. I have liked you for so long, Luke. And when I saw you with Ryan at the
party… I flipped. I realized that I don’t just like you, I love you. You’re the
only person I want, too, Luke.” Michael grins and Luke sighs, making grabby
hands at Michael. So Michael leans down and kisses Luke eagerly.
They kiss for a while. It’s soft and slow and it isn’t needy or hot anymore,
it’s somewhat comforting.
When they finally break the kiss, Luke clears his throat to speak. “I’ve only
dated Ryan because I thought it’d help me get over you.” he admits. Michael
chuckles.
“Well,” he says, pecking Luke’s lips once more. “I’m sorry you had to do that.
But you don’t need to get over me.” Michael pecks him again. “Unless you want
to.” He winks and Luke shakes his head.
“Never.”
***
One year later
“I want to say something!” Calum announces, lifting his beer up to make a
toast. The three of them make fake-groaning noises like they’re unhappy, but
they’re all aware it’s a joke. They had just graduated and they’re celebrating
together, in a crappy pub. Luke looks around at he’s friends; Calum’s sitting
across the table form him with Ashton, they’re holding hands under the table as
if Luke and Michael are too stupid to notice. Not that they’re doing anything
different, really
“It took a lot of tears and pain, but we’re here. We made it. We’re all
together.” Calum grins widely, making Luke’s smile widen even more. “To us! I
can’t believe we made it in one piece.”
They all bump their glasses together and laugh as they sip their drinks with
big, pleased smiles on their faces.
“Hey,” Michael whispers, squeezing Luke’s hand, making him shift a bit so he
can look at him.
“Hi, there.” Luke chuckles.
“Do you wanna know something?” Michael asks in an all serious tone, but Luke
knows him too well. He smirks back at him.
“Sure.”
“I love you,” Michael bites the inside of his flushed cheek. “Like, a whole
lot.”
“And I love you, like, a whole lot too.” Luke says in response, leaning in and
pressing his lips to Michael’s.
“Hey!” Ashton calls from the other side of the table, his fist slamming down on
it harshly, making Luke and Michael jump, startled. “No making out at the
table!”
“Shut it, Ash.” Michael hisses before he pulls Luke back in by the collar of
his shirt, both of them giggling into the kiss.
“These two, I swear to God… they have no boundaries.” Luke hears Calum say.
All Luke can think about is how happy he is right now, in this moment. He has
his boyfriend and two best friends by his side. He knows that no matter what
happens, these people will always be there for him.
End Notes
     I really hope you liked it! Any form of feedback is always much
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