Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/269318.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      X-Men:_First_Class_(2011)_-_Fandom
  Relationship:
      Hank_McCoy/Alex_Summers
  Character:
      Hank_McCoy, Alex_Summers, Sean_Cassidy, Charles_Xavier, Erik_Lehnsherr,
      Raven_(X_Men)
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-10-26 Words: 15226
****** You're Not Alone ******
by anthonysstark_(orphan_account)
Summary
     Hank knows Alex hates him, though he isn't very sure why, but things
     change when he hears Alex sing.
Notes
     Okay so this story is set on their time in the mansion, though the
     songs I chose are from 2011. So if you could ignore that tiny detail
     I would be very happy. Huge thanks to Paige for being my beta.
The day at the mansion so far has been quiet. Hank had spent most of his time
in the lab, perfecting their suits for battle. He wanted to make them
invincible, but as it turned out, making an invincible individual suit that
fits everyone’s needs is a bit trickier then what he thought at the beginning.
Still, the project was up and running, and with Charles’ trust lying upon him,
Hank couldn’t fail.
Raven was in the gym training and Hank wasn’t very sure of where Sean was at
the moment, which meant he was probably flying around. It was all he did
nowadays; fly around without a single care in the world… Hank sort of envied
him;he wished he could be as free-spirited as Sean. Charles and Erik had both
disappeared into Charles’ study to train together in the beginning of the day,
and they were still there.
Train, yeah right…   Thought Hank. There isn’t much training they could both do
in that small room; they were probably playing chess and drinking scotch like a
couple of old man, discussing their future plans without actually planning
anything.
And Alex, well Alex had disappeared. At first Hank thought he was in the bunker
like usual training his self-control, but when Hank passed there on his way to
the kitchen (the kitchen might be on the other side of the house, but Hank
found the path that by a complete chance of fate, passed by the bunker, a much
better one than the one that led him straight from the lab to the requested
room), he didn’t see anyone. He then thought Alex was in his bedroom, maybe
reading or simply sleeping, and Hank decided to check there, in his mind he
told himself he was just being a decent human being worried about another human
being, who unfortunately didn’t like him very much; for Hank’s sadness, the
room was empty. Only after checking the library and the kitchen did Hank start
to worry. Alex was nowhere to be found and neither Raven nor Sean, who had
stopped flying for just a couple of minutes to grab a sandwich from the
kitchen, had seen him. Hank started to check random rooms, desperately trying
to find Alex.
He was in the middle of the hallway, leaning against a wall and while doing his
best to try and think of what to do. He felt himself nearing a nervous
breakdown, which was something that had never happened to him before and
something Hank didn’t quite understand. Alex wasn’t Hank’s friend. He called
Hank names and treated him meaningfully; he was just another mean bully to
Hank... But bully or not, he still somehow made Hank worry like crazy and
managed to throw him into a desperate state of mind.
Hank was now reaching the point where the idea of giving up sounded the best,
and he started to prepare himself mentally to tell Charles and Erik they had
lost Alex to the world, when Charles appeared out of his study doorway.
“Hank, just so you know, Alex went into the city so you don’t have to worry
about him.”
Hank almost jumped in sudden shock, Charles had appeared like a ghost when Hank
had thought he was completely alone. He slowly gulped while trying to think of
a suitable excuse for his behavior.
“I’m not worried it’s just he wasn’t here and…”
“Yes yes I know. You aren’t worried, I can clearly see that. Also, next time I
think you should simply come and ask me, no need to be thinking and worrying so
loudly.” Said Charles with a faint smile on his lips and a voice dripping with
light hearted sarcasm. Hank heard Erik say something from the inside of the
study but he wasn’t able to tell what he had said, and Charles went back
inside.
After that Hank returned to his lab, wondering how Charles had heard him in his
search for Alex. He knew he had made some noise while walking around the house
and opening all of those doors, but he didn’t think he had been that loud. That
was when he remembered that Charles was a telepath, and that he was probably
referring to another kind of noise that only he could hear. Hank made a
decision to be more careful with his thoughts from now on.
He had set his mind on forgetting the past few hours of embarrassment, but
unfortunately his plan didn’t work quite so well; he only managed to work for a
couple of unproductive hours, not being able to do any decent work with the
constant worry of Alex’s sake. His restless brain came up with a big and
important question, which made Hank sigh with despair. Hank’s brain was always
coming up with questions and sometimes answers for them. In various times with
was entertaining and Hank quite enjoyed his over productive brain, in others it
was just quite tiring and this was one of those times.
Why did Alex go into town alone? And why didn’t he tell anyone besides Charles?
At first he tried to ignore it, dismissing the question as unimportant. But
said question simply wouldn’t go away, it kept nagging and nagging Hank, like
an uncomfortable itch on the back of his scalp. Hank finally gave in and tried
to think of what was going on.
He knew Alex didn’t like him, but still, Alex didn’t say anything to anyone
except to the telepath. And there was always the chance he didn’t even tell
Charles, and the other man had simply heard his thoughts has Alex tried to
sneak out of the house. What could be so important and secretive that he didn’t
tell anyone at all?
Maybe an old girlfriend he wants to see…
Hank realized how stupid that idea was as soon as he thought it, not that Alex
couldn’t easily get a girlfriend, with his charming good looks and his
beautiful face. It was that Alex had been on solitary during his prison times,
and from what Hank had heard, no one had ever been a constant presence in his
life after his younger years. A girlfriend that understood Alex, that had kept
with him through prison and didn’t mind being away from him now that Alex was
living at the mansion sounded like a very unlikely possibility.
Hank realized he wasn’t going to get any answers just by sitting there and
thinking. He rubbed his temple gently as he looked around the room, not
searching for anything, but at the same time looking for something. His eyes
stopped roaming when he found the clock.
7p.m and barely any work done …  On most days Hank would work until dinner
time, and sometimes he would even come back to the lab afterwards if he felt
like there were still things to be done. Today was an exception though; he felt
exhausted with all the wandering around on a stupid search mission and his mind
was all clogged up with mindless questions that he didn’t really understand.
Hank turned off the lights, and put away his current work. His bedroom was on
the top level of the mansion, by the end of the corridor just in front of
Alex’s own room. As he quietly made the trip back to his room, where he planned
to collapse on the bed and not wake up until the next day, Hank started to hear
a guitar playing, and then someone singing, though he could not tell who sang
or what the lyrics might be.
At first he thought it was just the radio, but soon Hank realized the music was
coming from Alex’s room, and the person singing it was Alex himself. Alex was
sitting on his bed with his back turned to the door and a guitar on his hands,
he sang in a low tone and Hank had to lean closely to the door so he could hear
him.
… Bad decision, but it's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood .
Miss knowing it’s all good
It didn’t slow me down.
Hank recognized the song as soon as he heard the first lyrics. It was a song he
had played many times when he had felt tired about his appearance, when he
almost felt like giving up. He was surprised Alex even knew the song, so the
fact that he could play it so well on the guitar came as a shock to Hank.
Alex’s voice fit the song perfectly. He sounded so sad, so brave, so tired, all
at the same time. It was amazing. Alex played the guitar as if it was another
part of him, something so obvious and clear he could do it with his eyes closed
if he wished to. The ambient of the whole scene made Hank feel like he was
looking at something too private for his eyes, but he didn’t want to look away,
and even if he did he wouldn’t have been able to.
Pretty, pretty please
Don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than
Fucking perfect
Hank felt like Alex was signing that song to him, sending him a private message
that he didn’t dare to say through words. Hank gripped the doorway tightly with
his left hand as he whipped the small tears that were starting to form by his
eyes with his right hand. He didn’t even realize he was crying until he looked
at his right hand and saw the tears there.
Hank didn’t realize that the rest of the mansions occupants were standing
behind him until they all started clapping and cheering when Alex finished the
song.
Alex who had been so concentrated singing didn’t notice them either, and when
he heard them clapping he ended throwing his guitar to the other side of the
room in a moment of pure shock, as if throwing the guitar away would fool
everyone and they would suddenly think Alex hadn’t been singing anything at
all. Luckily the wooden object hit a small pile of clothes and no harm was done
towards it; Hank would kill himself if the guitar had suffered some kind of
damage for he now felt like this was his entire fault. Which it was because if
he hadn’t been sneaking on Alex, everyone else wouldn’t have noticed him
singing and the clear distress that had been provoked on Alex would have never
happened.
“That was excellent Alex! Well done!” Charles sounded genuinely delighted with
Alex’s singing as he congratulated him, just like everyone else. They all
appeared to have enjoyed it immensely, if their words of appraisal are anything
to go by. Everyone said one nice word or another except for Hank, who was still
speechless and slightly confused about the whole affair.
Alex was at first shocked. After that he was angry, but upon realizing there
wasn’t anything he can do about getting caught while singing, he was left with
simple heavy embarrassment combined with a light touch of annoyance. He wanted
to ask everyone to leave, and he even considered for some brief seconds
creating some kind of excuse about the whole situation, like he really hadn’t
been singing and it was all just playback, though that sounded even worse. For
Alex’s own bad luck it didn’t really matter what he wanted to do, because he
found himself too embarrassed to speak and before he could say anything at all,
everyone had left except Hank.
They stared at each other, Hank hanging by the doorway trying to look anywhere
but Alex’s eyes and Alex standing in front of his bed trying to do the same,
neither of them very sure on what to say.
Hank wanted to apologize, to tell Alex he was quite good at playing the guitar
and that he had really enjoyed hearing him sing. This was what some might
consider the appropriate thing to say. What Hank really wanted to do though,
was to ask Alex if he had been singing about him. He knew this was unreasonable
and stupid, and quite simply impossible for Alex didn’t care about Hank in
anyway at all, but still, the thought lingered in Hank’s head no matter how
unlikely it seemed to be.
He didn’t say anything though, not even a simple “sorry” because in all
honesty, he feared whatever he might say would offend Alex, and he really
didn’t want to do that.
“Are you just going to keep staring or what?” Snarked Alex at him. He didn’t
sound mad though, just confused and maybe a little bit annoyed, which he had
all the right to be…
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” Hank sounded terribly desperate, and he
cursed himself for it, he didn’t mean to sound so hopeless.
“Sorry for what?” Asked Alex.
“For listening to you sing, and for attracting the others attention. I didn’t
mean to.”
Alex smiled then, but Hank couldn’t be sure if it was an honest smile or a
mocking smile. Nevertheless a small part of the weight lying on his chest was
lifted, a weight he didn’t even realized he was holding. “It’s okay, I guess. I
just wasn’t expecting it.”
This was probably the point where Hank said his goodbyes and left for his room,
but he liked spending time with Alex when the other boy wasn’t being a jackass
towards him, which didn’t happen very often. So instead Hank pushed the
conversation on, trying to make it last a little bit more.
“I didn’t know you played the guitar… Wait, was this why you went into town?”
Asked Hank.
Alex looked away, and Hank couldn’t be very sure, but he could swear he had
seen a faint blush on Alex’s face at that moment. Alex scratched the side of
his face, and shoved the other hand in his jean’s pocket as he answered.
“Yes, I didn’t want you guys to find out.”
“Why not?” Hank was half offended at this, he didn’t understand why Alex would
want to hide himself from everyone like this; the other half of him was filled
with curiosity about this side of Alex.
“I don’t know, I just didn’t want to. Also, how did you even know I went into
town?”
This time it was Hank who looked away embarrassed. He considered lying to Alex
and telling him Charles had mentioned it, or someone else had asked around for
him. Lying was something he would normally do on a situation like this, where
someone asked Hank something he didn’t feel comfortable answering. This time
though, this time Hank felt like things had changed between him and Alex, and
he risked telling Alex the truth.
“I noticed you were gone, and I asked Charles.” He omitted the part where he
searched the whole bloody house and almost went into a nervous breakdown,
worrying about the other teen. Alex didn’t really need to know that.
Alex only hummed in response and stared intensely at Hank, who had decided that
the window was looking quite interesting at the moment and that he should pay
his full attention to it. Minutes passed without any of them saying anything
and Hank made the choice to just excuse himself and return to his room.
He slowly stripped down from all of his clothes except his boxers, putting them
away in some corner of his surprisingly cleaned room. As Hank laid on top of
his bed covers he started to hear Alex playing the guitar once again, this time
he wasn’t singing though and Hank had no idea what he was playing. He wished he
could play the guitar too; during the summer while Hank stayed home reading and
studying he sometimes heard the other kids playing their silly little
instruments, or just hanging out together while dancing and singing. He never
had any of that.
It was still quite early, not even 8 o’clock yet but Hank suddenly found that
he was quite tired, and Alex’s music almost sounded like a quiet lullaby,
luring him to sleep...
If someone would have asked him later on, Hank would have said he didn’t recall
any of the dreams from that night, and he would have said it had just been
another quiet night of soundless sleep. This was a lie.
Most times Hank didn’t have nightmares; in fact Hank even considered them rare
things to happen, now that he had grown up and he had found other mutants like
him. On most days Hank dreamed of his projects, of his friends on the mansion,
of the mysterious Alex Summers. But sometimes, some rare dark times, a stronger
memory would appear and Hank would have nightmares about his childhood days.
His mother and father had both loved him as much as they could, but it’s hard
to love your child when that child is a monster. The other kids mocked him for
his feet and for his intellect, and Hank found at young age that books were
much better company. He used to spend all of his time inside his little house,
away from all the problems of the outside world. But it was much harder to run
from his problems during school, to run from the other kids…
They called him names, threw rocks and stole his shoes. They shoved him against
the floor and made Hank’s life a living hell; the happiest day on Hank’s life
was when he found out he had been accepted into Harvard at the age of 15, and
that he could run away from everything in his miserable past without ever
looking back.
One minute Hank was crying in the middle of the rain, lying completely hopeless
in the grass. His shoes were long gone and there were kids all over him,
pointing their greasy fingers and laughing like creepy maniacs. The other
minute he was lying on his bed semi-naked with a very concerned Alex looming
over him.
“Hank wake up! It’s just a nightmare Hank, please just wake up!” Alex’s voice
was filled with fear, undeniable and very distinct fear. But fear of what?
Hank’s mouth was dry, and it was hard for him to speak and ask what the hell
was going on, why was Alex there looking like he had seen some kind of mean
ghost. His mind was still a bit confused on everything surrounding him, but
Hank quickly started to remember his nightmare and everything started to make
sense. A shiver passed through his whole body and he wished he had more clothes
on.
“I’m thirsty.”
Alex rushed over to the bathroom annexed to the bedroom without saying a word.
He obviously already knew Hank had had a nightmare, though Hank wasn’t very
sure of how he had known it in the first place. He usually didn’t scream or
made any loud noises, and he remembered closing the door when he had entered
the room.
Alex sat on the bed next to him, completely ignoring Hank’s lack of clothes and
passed him the glass of water, quietly waiting for Hank to finish drinking
before he spoke.
“Do you have nightmares often?”
He looked genuinely concerned with Hank’s sleeping habits, which was something
Hank once again didn’t understand. Alex didn’t like him, right?Because if he
did like him, then how come Alex treated him like crap whenever someone else
was around? It didn’t make sense, but Hank figured things with Alex often
didn’t make much sense.
“No. I used to have them in the past, but not so much now… I’m sorry.”
“What are you saying sorry about? It’s not your fault.” The blond boy hit him
lightly on the shoulder, trying to warm up the situation while smiling to him.
Hank realized then, that if there was any kind of Heaven then Alex’s smile was
definitely a part of it. A quick vision of a future on white clouds, pieces of
white cloth being used as clothes and a constantly smiling Alex passed through
Hank’s mind, and it looked perfect.
“Anyway, I came to tell you dinner is ready.”
Only when Alex mentioned it did Hank realize how hungry he was. He had barely
eaten anything today, and it was pizza night which meant he could eat as much
delicious food as he wished too. His body was covered in sweat, and he knew
that if he looked himself in the mirror he would see an awful looking teen,
with big bags under his eyes and extremely white skin staring back at him. He
was in no condition to face his new found family, and he honestly felt too
tired to make an excuse for his appearance, and to pretend he was fine.
“I’ll just skip dinner tonight, I’m not really hungry.” Lied Hank, with what he
hoped to be a reassuring smile.
Alex looked at him skeptically for a few seconds, he obviously wanted complain,
to say that Hank wasn’t eating enough and that at this rate he would die from
whatever disease might come when you don’t eat enough. But instead he quietly
looked away and left the room, not wanting to fight Hank, not when the other
teen looked so vulnerable lying semi-naked in his bed.
Of course Hank simply thought Alex’s behavior meant he didn’t care really care
about Hank’s sake enough to say anything else… He didn’t let himself dwell on
those thoughts, for he soon found himself incredibly tired once again and sleep
quickly took him. This time though, his dreams were about a golden haired teen
with an amazing smile.
The next morning Hank woke up around 7a.m which was quite odd for him. He had
never woken up so early and he had no idea if anyone else would be awake. He
found that everyone was still sleeping as he quietly walked down the halls,
heading for the kitchen. His plan was to eat some breakfast quickly and then
head for the lab to get work done.
He wasn’t expecting to find Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr already sitting by
the breakfast table, talking enthusiastically about something. Well, Charles
was talking, Erik was just sitting there eating his cornflakes and listening to
the other man, occasionally giving him a head nod showing he was paying
attention, and that he agreed with Charles on the topic.
“Hank! Good morning! I wasn’t expecting to see you up so early.” Charles gave
him a smile and directed all his attention to Hank, finishing the conversation
with Erik.
“Good morning. I went to bed early yesterday so I ended up waking early today.”
Hank sat down on the small table next to the other men and took out a bowl to
eat his cereal as quickly and quietly as possible. It wasn’t that he didn’t
enjoy Charles company, in fact it was much rather the opposite of that, he
quite enjoyed Charles company in most times, those times being when he wasn’t
with Erik, who Hank wasn’t the biggest fan of… Don’t get him wrong, he liked
Erik, but the other man could be very intimidating and Hank certainly didn’t
wish to be on his bad side so he ended up trying to avoid him seeing Erik
whenever he could.
“Are you okay? Alex told us you weren’t feeling very well yesterday.” Hank
wished the other man had elaborated on the meaning of this sentence so he knew
how much Alex had told them. Deep inside he knew Alex wouldn’t tell them he had
had a nightmare, but a small part of him still believed that Alex hated him and
that everything Alex did towards him was just so he could secretly mock Hank
afterwards. That part of Hank was now relatively small and considered to be
mostly irrational, a part Hank knew he couldn’t trust, but it was still there
inside Hank’s mind. Always there, creating doubt and fear inside of him, making
him skeptic about everyone around him, about the true reasons behind their
actions… It was a part of Hank that was probably never going to disappear.
Until the day Hank died he would always fear what he couldn’t be sure of, and
for now Alex was inside that part.
“Yes, I was just feeling a bit tired but I’m fine now.”
Erik looked Hank over his cereal, he had this look on his face which clearly
meant he didn’t believe a word that Hank was saying, but thankfully he didn’t
comment. Charles obviously already knew Hank was lying, that he was actually
feeling very tired about everything and that his nightmares, even though rare
nowadays, were tormenting him and his sleep, and that he didn’t know what he
felt in regards to Alex and that everything in Hank’s life seemed to be this
big ball of confusion and despair, that kept getting bigger and bigger.
Hank didn’t even know why he bothered to try and come up with a lie around
them, probably out of habit, he thought.
It wasn’t that Hank was constantly lying and hiding his feelings from everyone
that surrounded him. It was that he had been doing it for so long now that he
had started to lie to himself and he didn’t know how to stop now. Lying was
easy, it let you go unnoticed by others, and it helped you live a quieter life
when you’re a freak of nature. Lying and hiding gave Hank a fake feeling of
security, and at times that was the only thing Hank had, he couldn’t just throw
it away and be honest… He couldn’t simply show himself to the world, to be
mocked by others for his true form, he simply couldn’t.
Charles quietly returned to his conversation with Erik, trying to get Hank to
participate too. The teen tried his best to be a part of it, but they were
talking about a book he had never heard of and Hank decided it was best to
simply do like Erik did, which was to nod and occasionally say one word or
another. He had completely tuned out to whatever Charles might have been saying
after five minutes of conversation. He wasn’t sure if it was because Charles
was too engrossed on his speech, or if he just didn’t mind the lack of response
from his companions but Charles kept on talking happily for the rest of the
meal.
When he finished eating his cereal, Hank put his dishes inside the sink and
went into his lab. He had set his mind set on working all day to try and
compensate yesterday. Unfortunately his lovely brain had other plans. He kept
getting random images of Alex while he worked; futures of him and Alex where
Alex actually liked him and he and Hank were friends, futures where Hank kissed
Alex and Alex kissed back…
That was the moment Hank realized he might have fallen for Alex Summers.
Confusing, idiotic, impossible Alex Summers. Who called him Bozo and mocked him
at the same time he smiled so affectionally Hank’s heart could almost explode.
Alex, who cared for him without Hank even noticing. It would explain
everything, why Alex confused him so much, why Hank cared for him, why he
thought about Alex at random hours of the day and why Hank hated the idea of
Alex not liking him. It would explain so much, but at the same the idea of it
created so many other problems.
Hank looked desperately at the window of his lab, not believing what he was
thinking but knowing it was the truth. Hank might not like himself, he might
not like his ugly feet and his huge brain that never stops, but he knows
himself. He knows what he likes and what he doesn’t, and he now that he stopped
to look at the big picture hanging above him, he knew very damn well he liked
Alex Summers. And he hated himself for it.
But there were so many problems with the idea of him liking Alex. For starters
Alex was man. Guys aren’t supposed to be with guys! And Hank didn’t know very
well why men aren’t supposed to be with other man, but he knew they couldn’t.
And if that wasn’t enough Alex was too perfect for him, he was gorgeous, he was
a living and breathing Greek God. And even if his behavior towards Hank had
changed in the last couple of hours it was most likely out of pity, he would
never like Hank in any romantic concept. How could Alex possibly like such a
freak?
Hank was drowning himself in self-hate when the subject of his problems knocked
on the door to his lab and entered the room without waiting for an answer.
Now that Hank had admitted to himself that he might possibly very well like
Alex, he allowed himself to admire how amazing the other teen looked. This was
a lot.  Alex was wearing a black leather jacket, with a grey t-shirt that was
tight on all the right places beneath it and some blue jeans. He looked so much
cooler than Hank, who had his silly nerd glasses and was wearing a simple blue
polo and black jeans.
“Hey Hank, what are you doin’?”
“Err - just working. Why do you want to know?”
Alex had never asked Hank what he was doing before, much less demonstrated some
kind of interest in Hank’s actions so this was all a bit weird. Alex sat down
on the laboratory counter, next to Hank who was still in his small work bench,
now looking up to Alex who was inching above him.
“Simply curious. I was actually wondering if you’ve taught about what you’re
going to do for the music show.”
“Music show?” What music show?
“Didn’t Professor Charles tell you? After my little singing act he insisted
everyone should play something next Friday night. It was during dinner, but I
was sure you would have talked to him by now…”
No. Nobody had talked to Hank, and he had no idea what was going on. Well, he
did know what was going on and he even knew why. It was a music show where they
were all playing something and Charles probably got excited when he found out
Alex could play the guitar and wanted to show his abilities too, or he didn’t
want Alex to feel embarrassed and had decided with his best judgment that the
only way to make Alex feel comfortable now was if everyone played something
too.
But it was all still very weird and confusing to Hank, so in the end it was
almost like not knowing anything.
None of it mattered though, because Hank couldn’t play any instruments. His
mother had tried when he was a young child to teach him how to play the violin,
hoping that this would make her son a bit more sociable with others.
Unfortunately, the idea never stuck. Hank didn’t have any technique with his
fingers, and he preferred to just read his books in his attic alone, surrounded
by peace and quietness.
Before Hank could inform Alex of his inabilities, Alex quickly corrected his
previous words, adding to them.
“Raven doesn’t know how to play anything though, so Charles said she could just
sing. I think the same goes for you. If you don’t know how to play an
instrument that is…” He shied away, blushing slightly. This new side of Alex
that Hank was now seeing was, well, new and Hank didn’t understand the smallest
piece of it.
Hank? Sing? No, that was impossible, completely and absolutely impossible. Not
even by one miserable second of all existence was there a possibility of Hank
singing, Hank couldn’t sing, Hank didn’t sing. Never. And why was Alex telling
him all this anyway?
“I don’t sing, or play anything, I can’t.”
“Not even a little bit? C’mon Hank sing a little bit, just for me.”
Hank couldn’t believe what was happening. It sounded like some cruel, twisted
joke made to torment him until the day he died. Alex Summers asking him to sing
for him? Why? How? Why?
In his state of almost panic he hadn’t even noticed he had asked the last
question aloud.
“Because Charles would just insist on you singing, practically beg. And I was
thinking maybe doing it with me wouldn’t be so bad… You don’t have to do it if
you don’t want to, I just thought…”
Oh.
Hank wasn’t expecting that. Alex was pretty much asking him to sing something
along with him, maybe because he didn’t feel brave enough to sing and play his
guitar alone. Or maybe because he didn’t think Hank was brave enough to sing
alone, which he really wasn’t. But before Hank did anything remotely related to
sing he had to know something, he had to receive the answer to a question that
had been bothering him for days now. Even if it meant things would get worse
for him, even if it meant Alex would mock him for it.
“Yesterday, when you were singing in your room, were you –were you singing for
yourself or for someone else?” He couldn’t believe he had asked it. Hank knew
the odds against him were big, so big. But he had to know because a small part
of him, deep inside believed in it. And it was a nagging part that wouldn’t
shut up no matter how much Hank tried to ignore it.
“Yes, well no. Sort of. I heard you play it on your room sometimes, and it
stuck to my mind. When I got the guitar it was the first song that came to my
mind.”
It wasn’t the answer Hank was expecting. Well, he hadn’t been expecting
anything really, his mind was so busy thinking of the many ways Alex could mock
him, he didn’t even think of what Alex might say to him. Alex hadn’t really
answered Hank’s question, but weirdly enough it didn’t bother him much anymore.
Hank realized Alex had sang for him, even if he hadn’t noticed he was doing it,
and so it was only fair if Hank sang for him too.
There's a fire starting in my heart
He was singing the first song that came to his mind.
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark
Hank wasn’t even sure if he knew all the lyrics
Finally, I can see you crystal clear
His eyes were closed; he didn’t feel brave enough to watch Alex’s face while
the other teen realized how much of a bad singer he was.
Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare
At the beginning his voice was trembling, but as the song continued forward
Hank found himself to grow more confidence. Alex wasn’t stopping him, which
meant he couldn’t be that bad. And well, he was doing it. He was singing in
front of another person; there was no turning back now so he might as well
enjoy the ride.
See how I'll leave with every piece of you
He slowly opened his eyes as the song started to get more energy, he needed to
see Alex’s face.
Don't underestimate the things that I will do
Alex was looking at him with such wonder in his eyes; Hank almost thought that
he was looking at something else, someone else. He looked like he had seen the
seventh wonder of the world.
There's a fire starting in my heart
Alex looked like a kid on Christmas who had just received the best gift in the
whole universe, and he was looking like that because of Hank.
Reaching a fever pitch and its bringing me out the dark
Hank got up and started to move around a bit. Alex seemed to like watching him,
and Hank seemed to like being watched.
The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
The song meant almost nothing to Hank; he hadn’t had his heart broken. He had
never had a romance to begin with, but he felt like the lyrics meant something,
in some kind of weird way that completely escaped his grasp, Hank felt like the
song was meaningful, if not to him then to someone else. He felt like it
deserved his whole attention, it deserved to be danced to, it should be sang as
loudly as possible with emotion. And so Hank sang it.
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
And you played it to the beat
Before Hank even realized it there were no more lines to sing, no more beats to
feel and no more words to dance to. Alex was still sitting by the counter, his
mouth slightly ajar as he looked at Hank with incredible wonder. Hank who was
just standing in the middle of his lab a bit lost on what had just happened.
“That was amazing dude. Seriously, you can sing and you can sing really well.”
“Really?” Hank was still in a bit of a shock as to what he had just done, it
felt like the song had changed him and he had become a completely different
person. It also seemed to have taken his ability to form any sort of coherent
sentence. One word seemed to do the trick in expressing himself though, so
maybe that was all he really needed…
Alex practically jumped off the counter and ran into Hank. “Yes! Seriously,
Hank, you’re amazing and you have to sing with me! Please!”
Hank had no idea why Alex wanted to sing with him so badly. Was he really that
good?But then again, maybe it was simply because Alex didn’t feel brave enough
to sing alone, though that didn’t sound very like Alex. Alex was usually
incredibly comfortable with himself, loud and charismatic. He would have
probably been one of the popular kids in high school if he hadn’t been born a
mutant, and if fate hadn’t taken such a disastrous path.
 Hank really wanted to refuse Alex’s proposal, to hide back in his lab and
pretend he didn’t like Alex the way he did. But Hank also wanted to pretend he
wasn’t incredibly smart, that he didn’t knew almost everything related to
science, he wanted to pretend his feet were normal and that he believed, like
everyone else, that things would be get better in the future for everyone.
And now, well now Hank felt like he had reached a point in his life where he
couldn’t pretend and hide anymore. He was out as a mutant; people knew about
his feet and they knew about his big messy brain, so maybe it was time for him
to change a bit more, to open up himself a bit more and try to see how things
would go. He knew Alex would never like him, not in the way Hank liked him, but
they could at least be friends, right?
“Yeah sure, why not?” Said Hank, smiling brightly as he saw Alex’s whole face
light up with the news.
“Fantastic! Wanna come to my room after dinner so we can choose the song?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.” And Hank realized then, that he actually did like that.
He realized he wasn’t forcing himself to do something against his will at all,
and that realization made him happy in a way he had long forgotten how to feel.
It was like a deep burning happiness, in the deeps of his body. At first it’s
just a small red flame, barely flickering in the middle of the darkness. But
soon it grew and grew, as Alex smiled to him the small red flame grew forward
and upward and in every direction possible, spreading through Hank’s whole
body. A light happiness that seemed to change him, it made his head clearer,
his thoughts more focused, his feelings more honest.
For the rest of the day Hank kept himself in the lab, working quietly as he
hummed to himself. It was easier to focus now, to put his problems and his
thoughts away and be able to pay attention to the suits only. He wondered what
song Alex would like to sing, Hank preferred more quiet melodies, the piano
being the main instrument of the song. But he would probably be okay with
whatever Alex chose, as long as it wasn’t very offensive or idiotic.
When dinner time came Hank was already starving, having forgotten to eat
anything during the afternoon. Alex passed by his lab and called him, and
quietly they made their way to the dining room where the rest of the mansion
members were already sitting. Everyone seemed happy to see Hank; they all
mentioned how they had missed him during the past couple of days. I was only
then that Hank realized he hadn’t been talking to anyone lately, keeping
himself mostly in his lab he ended up practically ignoring everyone in favor to
work non-stop. Hank quite appreciated the fact that the others had noticed he
was gone. No one else in his life had ever noticed Hank was gone.
They ate while talking cheerfully, discussing the Friday night show. Charles
apologized for not saying anything to Hank, admitting he had forgotten to bring
it up. This didn’t sound very much like him at all since Charles didn’t usually
forget anything… Still, accidents can happen and Hank thought it was best not
to dwell on it.
Everyone stated what they were planning to do on the tomorrow’s show. Sean was
planning to sing and play the ukulele, an instrument no one at the table even
knew about until Sean explained it to them. It was like a miniature guitar or
something. Erik was playing the piano, which didn’t surprise Hank much. Erik
seemed like the kind of man who would play an instrument that required
concentration and quick fingers. Charles was playing the violin, something he
was rather very excited about; he seemed to be overly enthusiastic about the
idea of playing for an audience. Raven was singing, since she didn’t know how
to play anything like Hank.
Everyone expected Alex to sing and play the guitar alone, and they probably
thought Hank knew how to play a dozen of different instruments. And so they
were all a bit shocked when Hank said.
“I’m singing with Alex since I don’t really know how to play anything…”
They weren’t as shocked as one might have thought though. Charles for one
didn’t seem shocked at all, smiling quietly to himself as he nodded his head
approvingly. The others were indeed a bit shocked, but the feeling passed
quickly and it looked more like they were pleasantly surprised.
For the rest of the dinner Hank kept getting the impression everyone was
staring at him and Alex with the corner of their eyes, smiling to themselves as
if they knew a private joke that Hank would never have access at. He got more
nervous as each second passed, quietly worrying about whatever was going
through everyone’s minds. Alex seemed to not notice anything as he continued to
talk happily with Sean, who always seemed to be happy over one thing or
another.
Hank couldn’t wait to leave the dining room and all those creepy looks, and as
soon as they finished their meals he and Alex disappeared off into the dark
hallways.
The journey back to Alex’s room was quiet and together they sat on Alex’s bed,
with the owner leaning back against the headboard while Hank sat by the end of
the bed, leaning against the wall. The only source of light in the room was a
small lamp on the bedside table, which didn’t do his job very well, its light
flickering on and off every few seconds with barely any life. The windows were
all closed, creating a humid atmosphere within the room. The curtains were
drawn back, so it was possible to see the mansion’s garden from the tiny room
and even though it was filled with lamps none of them seemed to illuminate
anything. Hank thought about suggesting some new lamps on various places of the
mansion to Charles, some that would actually do their jobs.
Alex had his guitar on his hands, and he drummed a few cords silently for a
while as neither of them said a word. The silence between them soon grew to be
uncomfortable, and Hank desperately started to think of a conversation topic,
ending up blurting the first thing that came to his mind.
“When did you learn how to play the guitar?”
Alex just shrugged impassively. “My dad started teaching me when I was a kid.”
He smiled fondly, and Hank thought Alex was reminiscing old memories from his
past when things were different, when maybe he was still a normal. Hank would
never admit it, but he was a bit jealous of Alex at that moment, which didn’t
make much sense just like everything else in Hank’s present life…
From what Hank had heard, Alex had led a reasonably happy and normal life until
he was fourteen, living alone with his dad. Then one day he got mad while
playing some video games and he ended up producing a blast of energy with his
body. Alex hadn’t known what to do, and like every other scared kid, he had
waited for his father to come home. He hoped for an explanation, for help, for
support but none of that ever came. His dad had died in a car crash a few hours
earlier that day; his body so messed up it took the emergency hours the whole
day to find out who he really was. Alex had been sitting on the front porch of
his house, waiting for hours on end for his dad to show up when the police came
to tell him the news. After that he was thrown into the foster care system with
no close relatives to take him in. All of the big problems in Alex’s life came
afterwards.
 But… But at least he had led 14 happy years, thought Hank who didn’t even get
that. His parents gave him education, food and clothes, yes that is quite true.
But that was the only thing they gave him. They didn’t love him, they didn’t
care for him, and they didn’t treat him right. They were all scared of his big
messy brain, and Hank’s monster feet only made everything so much worse.
 “Have you thought about a song?” Asked Alex suddenly, snapping Hank out of his
deeps thoughts and self-pity proclamation. This time it was Hank’s turn to
shrug.
“Not really. I’m happy with whatever you choose.”
Alex stared at him for endless seconds, he seemed to be contemplating
something, but his silence only served to scare Hank who now feared he had said
something wrong. And then Alex moved quickly towards him, crawling on his knees
until he reached Hank who was definitely getting quite scared with the Alex’s
behavior.
Did he do something wrong? Was Alex going to hurt him?
Alex had no intentions of hurting Hank, but none of the many explanations for
Alex’s behavior that Hank thought of in less than 7 seconds were correct.
Because what Alex did, was place his guitar in Hank’s hand, moving himself into
Hank’s personal space by sitting on his knees right in front of Hank. Alex
grabbed Hank’s hands with his own, and placed them on what Hank thought were
the right parts to play the guitar. Alex’s hands were smooth and delicate; they
held a certain contrast against Hank’s hands, which were filled with small cuts
and marks from all of his experiences and works. Hank really wanted to ask Alex
what the hell was he doing, but he already knew. Alex was showing him how to
play the guitar.
He only wished he knew why Alex was doing it, but he soon realized he wasn’t
brave enough to ask, fearing that he might ruin the moment he and Alex were
sharing by asking stupid questions.
“Hold this, and pass it through the cords lightly.” Alex handed Hank a small
pick which he normally used to play, and Hank did as told. He knew he wouldn’t
be able to learn the guitar in just a couple of minutes, but he liked having
Alex so close to him, caring about him and trying to teach Hank how to do it.
Alex’s hands were placed on top of Hank’s, and he put a little bit more
pressure every now and then on specific fingers and hand movements, producing
different sounds. Soon Hank was playing a song without even realizing it.
Take a photograph,
Alex sang quietly, almost like a whisper.
It'll be the last,
He looked intensely at Hank’s hands, focusing on where they should go in each
beat.
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here,
His voice peaceful and it brought a sense of security to Hank, something he
didn’t really understand, something he didn’t wish to understand.
I don't have a past
Hank quite liked being conducted like this, to have someone teach him and tell
him what to do. The fact that it was Alex doing it only made things that much
better.
I just have a chance,
As Hank looked at Alex he realized how much he liked him. Hank liked his
juvenile smile and he liked his charming voice. He liked his golden hair and
his puppy eyes. He liked Alex’s amazing mutation, and he admired Alex for being
so strong. For holding himself up when everything around him wanted to throw
him back down. He liked everything about Alex, even if he wasn’t able to truly
admit it. Hank knew as he played the guitar with Alex hovering in front of him,
that he really liked Alex.
Not a family or honest plea remains to say.
Alex’s hands stopped moving, but he didn’t take them away from Hank. He also
stopped singing, and simply continued to look at his and Hank’s hands before
looking Hank in the eyes. That was the moment when the close proximity he and
Alex were having kind of hit Hank, and he suddenly a big wish of running away
appeared to Hank.
He would have done, in any other given time he would have ran from that bedroom
excusing him with the first thing that came to his mind; and as he looked at
the window he even considered jumping.
But then something caught his attention, though Hank wouldn’t be able to say
what it was afterwards, and he looked at Alex as Alex continued to look at him.
It felt like the whole room had been turned upside down; the temperature had
been raised by 1000º degrees and the space they were in had been reduced to a
small box. His brain was clogging up once again, the intensity of Alex’s stare
being too much for Hank to handle in a position like this. Hank was confused
and suddenly everything from the past hours seemed too much for him to handle.
Realizing he liked Alex, the nightmare, the singing… Hank wasn’t used to so
many changes in his silly life! Sweat beads started to form in his forehead,
and he made the decision to say something even though his brain wasn’t very
sure on what. But before he could day anything, Alex spoke in an extremely
rough voice.
“The song is called Rain. Do you like it?”
Hank only managed a light head nod, and before Alex could say anything else his
whole body decided today’s emotions had been enough for one day and that it was
time for him to leave. He put the guitar on Alex’s hands, and left the room in
three quick paces, saying he had forgotten something important in the lab. If
Hank would have looked back he would have seen a hopeless Alex, looking at the
door with doubt portrayed all over his face.
Hank goes to bed as soon as he reaches his bedroom though he doesn’t fall
asleep until much later on. He thinks about Alex, and then he tries to push his
thoughts way from Alex but doing so only makes him think more about Alex. It’s
like that phenomenon, where you try not to think of an elephant, but by doing
so you immediately think of an elephant. Hank wonders what Alex’s feelings
towards him are. He obviously doesn’t hate him, otherwise he wouldn’t have
asked Hank to sing with him.
If he had to guess, Hank would say he and Alex were friends now; he wouldn’t be
able to say how they had become friends, much less why they had done it. But he
would have said they were friends.
The thing about the whole subject was, Hank didn’t know much about friendships.
The closest people in his life were his family, but they would never be
considered true friends. He also had his old colleagues in university, though
Hank thought the only reason they talked to him in the first place was so Hank
would do their papers and help them study for the exams.
And so Hank doesn’t know what it’s like to have a real friend, one who you hang
out with simply because you enjoy their company. But he had a firm idea that
friends didn’t get so close and looked so intensely into each other’s eyes. So
close they could lean in just a little bit and kiss, while their hands united
together and the door locked, nothing stopping them from advancing things
further.
Hank was by no means, an expert on human behavior, but he was pretty sure
friends didn’t do that. He also knew friends didn’t fall for each other and
that rule he had already broken so maybe things were different for him and
Alex…
Hank then thought a little bit more, and he arrived at the conclusion that it
didn’t matter if one part of the friendship had romantic interest for the other
part; by the end the bond shared between them both was friendship and
friendship only. Hank then wondered if there was any chance, even if very
small, of Alex liking him in the same way Hank liked Alex.
When Hank finally fell asleep, his dreams were once again filled with the
golden haired boy and his beautiful smile.
During the next day Hank spent most of his time by the lab, working alone as he
hummed the lyrics to “Rain” to himself, scared he was going to forget them when
the time to sing with Alex came. Last night he had spent God knows how many
hours thinking about Alex, but he had come to no conclusion and the feelings of
not knowing something, of being so uncertain made his head hurt. He wished he
had the courage to tell Alex how he felt, but he feared the other teen would
refuse him or worse, mock him for it.
  Alex appeared by lunch time, bringing Hank a sandwich for him to eat. Hank
really appreciated the gesture, probably more than one would normally
appreciate. Hank tried his best to remember his various meals during the day,
he even had an alarm set up so it could remember him when to drink something
during the afternoon, but when you’re so engrossed into the design of a semi-
atomic plate you don’t even hear a stupid little alarm, and the last thought on
one’s mind is eating and drinking something. It was the reason whenever he went
to bed, Hank was near exhaustion state, but nevertheless it didn’t stop him
from being so devoted to his work.
The sandwich was made of ham and cheese, Hank’s favorite. He wondered how Alex
had known what his favorite was, or if it had been simply been a lucky guess.
They talked about their song, and Alex asked Hank if he was nervous about
singing in front of other people.
“Yeah, I kind am.” He admitted nervously, looking away so the other teen didn’t
see the tiny little blush that had crept on his face. Hank felt embarrassed of
himself whenever he admitted he was nervous to someone else.
“It’s cool, I’m nervous too. Not every day you get to sing to a live audience.”
“But you’ve done it before.”
“Yeah, but I thought I was alone. It’s different.”
“Oh yeah, sorry about that.” Said Hank, who was really was sorry about that.
Hank knew Alex wasn’t a show-off and he probably wasn’t okay with other people
watching him sing, especially when he believed he was alone in his bedroom.
“Don’t worry about it.” Alex shrugged with a smile on his face; it really
looked like the events of the other day didn’t bother him much and Hank felt
incredibly relieved.
Alex was sitting by the lab counter; apparently it was he viewed it as some
kind of special chair made only for him. Hank was on the little bench next to
it and he had to look up when talking to Alex, who was now leaning over to get
closer to Hank. Before any of them realized it, they were once again staring at
each other’s eyes as if it was the most interesting thing to do in the world.
And if any of them wished to, they could lean just a little bit further, and
kiss one each other.
That was the moment when Charles Xavier barged into the room unexpected, and
Hank almost fell from his bench in shock while Alex jumped to the floor and
walked to the opposite wall.
“Hello my friends, am I interrupting something? Oh well, I just came here to
ask if you’re ready for tonight.” Charles smiled as he talked at 1000 miles per
hour, not letting neither Hank nor Alex answer is question. His hair looked
like someone had been pulling at it in various directions and his clothes were
all rumpled up. Hank silently questioned himself on what had happened to
Charles.
“We’re okay… Thanks for asking, I guess.” Said Alex, who was probably wondering
the same thing as Hank. This smiling like a goof ball, talking like a teenage
girl and having his hair all messed with didn’t look anything like the usual
Charles. For one second Hank even thought it was just Raven pretending to be
Charles, though that didn’t make much sense either.
Charles must have received some good news from the CIA, or maybe he had played
something rather well on the violin and he felt stupidly proud of himself for
it. None if it mattered though because Charles seemed pleased with Alex’s
answer, nodding at both teens before leaving the room as fast as he had entered
it.
Alex left soon after, reminding Hank to not be late for dinner as he looked
back from the door of the lab. He looked sad about something, like he had lost
a special moment in his life and he couldn’t get it back no matter how much he
tried to. Hank was left puzzled and all alone, wondering what the hell was
happening around him, and if it any of it was real or if he was just imagining
things…
He worked for several more hours in the lab until the clock pointed 07:00p.m
and Hank decided it was enough work for one day, leaving to his room. As he
walked back he realized he already knew his and Alex’s song by heart, and as
each second passed Hank felt himself growing more and more nervous. His work on
the lab had helped him to clear his mind of all of his problems, even if not
doing it very well. But now that Hank had both his hands and brain free, he
couldn’t help but think of all the scenarios where things could go wrong
tonight. He cursed his stupid brain and its inability to shut up when asked to
do so.
He was lying on his bed facing the wall and in the middle of a mental crisis of
self-doubt when Alex came in, looking as charming as usual. He lay down next to
Hank, staring at the ceiling with one hand beneath his head and the other
gently placed on his stomach.
“It’s going to be okay Hank.”
Hank was prepared to answer Alex saying either, that Alex couldn’t be sure of
that, or that he was just feeling a bit nervous but he was totally okay, or
that he simply felt tired; but Alex continued talking, apparently not waiting
for Hank to talk.
“I’m not going to mock you. I know every second you wait for me to say
something mean like in the past. But I won’t do it, not anymore. I’m sorry
about saying those things. I just, I thought it was different man.”
“Different how?” Whispered Hank.
“I don’t know… I thought you had led the perfect happy life, and that nothing
bad had ever happened to you and it made me annoyed, and stupid and well,
jealous. But then one day Charles called me to his study, and he told me I was
wrong. And from then on I wanted to make amends with you; but I never know what
you’re thinking Hank. One moment you’re staring at me with those huge blue eyes
and in the other you’re leaving me or I’m leaving you, and I just don’t
understand. I just don’t know!”
Alex sounded desperate and confused, like he was trying so hard to apologize,
to express himself and he still felt like he wasn’t saying enough. Like no
matter what he said Hank would never be able to understand and forgive him. And
Hank couldn’t believe how wrong he was.
Hank had never held a grudge against Alex, not really. In some moments in the
past he had been mad at Alex, some might even say Hank had been infuriated. But
Hank had never hated Alex and he never held anything against him, because he
got Alex. He understood what it was like to live a shitty life, how it felt
like to have everyone around him against him, he knew what it was like to feel
hopeless.
 Alex’s words had hurt it in the past, yes. They had been bitter and they had
stung Hank like so many other words said by other people had stung him. But
Hank was used to mean words, and he would always try his best to forget Alex,
forget the stupid, mean, pathetic words and instead focus on his work, on his
brand new and developing friendship with the other members of the house, on his
future battle with Shaw. It wouldn’t take long for Hank to forget Alex and his
words, like he had done to some many other people. And every time Hank forgave
him. Even if it meant suffering by the cruelty of those words all over again,
when Alex saw him walking by.
Hank slowly turned around to face Alex who now had his eyes closed. Hank stayed
in silence for a while, just looking at Ale, taking the opportunity to look
closely at every bit of him.
“Are you still mad at me? Do you hate me?”
“I never hated you Alex. I couldn’t.”
“Oh.”
Alex opened his eyes and stared at Hank, and this time neither of them looked
away and nothing interrupted them. They simply stared at each other, both of
them feeling relieved and relaxed about, well, about everything. Alex had
started to move towards Hank, slowly and tentatively. Their faces were mere
inches apart, so close Hank could smell Alex’s breathe on his face. He smells
like strawberries. Hank’s gaze dropped to Alex’s lips as he realized what they
were about to do, somewhere some part of his brain was screaming with joy,
fragments of thoughts like “I knew it” and “Oh God yes” flied by his eyes, and
Hank realized how much he wanted this, how much he wanted Alex and he felt
incredibly happy as he realized Alex might want him too.
That was the moment when Charles knocked on the door, interrupting them once
again. It’s like he knew what was happening, and he wanted to be, well to be a
cockblock. Hank realized Charles probably knew very well what was happening,
his mutation allowing him so and he wondered if he was doing it on purpose, or
if it was all just a time accident.
“It’s dinner time boys.” And he left without saying anything else.
Alex and Hank simply stared at each other for a couple more seconds, neither of
them knowing what to do. Hank still wanted to kiss Alex, and he was now pretty
sure Alex wanted to kiss him too, but he felt like the moment had been lost, if
there had been a moment at all.
He still didn’t feel very sure on Alex’s feelings towards him, answers had been
cleared up but Alex hadn’t been that specific when apologizing and Hank didn’t
want to ruin things by doing something stupid… His body seemed to think in the
complete opposite direction as shivers went down through Hank’s spine and his
legs seemed to melt into weird jelly. Every never running through Hank’s body
only wanted to do one thing: jump Alex. And it took surprisingly big amount of
Hank’s concentration to not do so. When he got up Hank realized his cock was
half hard, and he thanked whoever he was supposed to thank for having chosen to
wear baggy jeans that day.
Alex left the bed winking at Hank and murmuring a “we’ll finish this later”,
heading for the door. Hank was left wondering if we’ll finish that later meant
what he thought it meant, and really wishing it did.
Dinner was fun. That was the best way to describe it, fun. Everyone was excited
for the events of the night, and they all laughed and talked happily about what
they were all going to do. Sean seemed to be particularly happy about his
little number, saying he felt extremely proud of all his hard work. Even Erik,
who usually was a bit tense during dinner, well during everything, looked
relaxed and happy. It was a refreshing scenario for the members of the mansion;
it’s not like they were stressed and tense at all times, but moments where
everyone was together laughing were rare, and Hank appreciated them.
Everyone cleared their plates when finished and together they headed for the
living room, where their instruments were already waiting in place.
Charles was the first one to play, saying since he owned the mansion it was
only right if he got to be the opening number. The piece he was playing was
called “impossible_choice” and it was part of a soundtrack Hank had never heard
of. Charles played the violin like he was born to do so, and the sound he
created with it was magnificent. The song was impossibly sad in every single
way a song could be sad. It reminded one of a story that didn’t belong to them,
didn’t belong to anyone they knew and at the same time felt like it was a deep
part of them. It was a song of mourning, of loss, of tears, of sadness, of an
unfair ending to a marvelous tale. Hank didn’t know why Charles had chosen that
song, but he didn’t need to know.
Raven was crying by the end of it, and everyone clapped with pure admiration.
Charles even did a small bow as he left the center of the room, obviously happy
with his performance.
Erik was next, he muttered some words to Charles as he got up, and even though
Hank couldn’t be very sure, he thought he had heard “oh, you insufferable
prick” coming from his mouth. He was probably wrong though because Charles had
only smiled brightly at whatever Erik had told him. The Polish man played a
song on the piano called “a_river_flows_in_you” by a South Korean composer
whose name Hank didn’t catch. It was a beautiful piece, soothing and at the
same time, disturbing. It made one feel like the world was rushing around them,
and as they walked towards an unknown location trying to find the right path,
they wondered if they had done the right choice, never really knowing. It was,
quite simply, amazing.
Once again everyone clapped with adoration, and the kids all suddenly felt like
their numbers were hardly any good when compared to Erik’s and Charles’
performances. Well, all of them expect Sean who got up proudly as soon as Erik
left the piano, ready to play his small guitar.
He looked quite happy with himself, and Hank wondered what the other boy was
playing as he put a cassette on the television and then took a seat right next
to it. On the screen another Sean appeared, this one was wearing a purple shirt
while real life Sean was wearing an orange shirt. The song was called “duet
with_myself” and that quickly cleared up all questions. The video started
playing, and Sean on screen started singing with Sean in real life following
right after.
It was actually a really clever trick, and it didn’t even require that much
precision since all real life Sean had to do was follow screen Sean as they
sang together and real life Sean played the mini guitar. He probably copied it
from someone else, thought Hank.
I am you
Sang screen Sean.
You are me
Sang real life Sean.
Together we make the perfect Sean!
Sang both of them. And the rest of the song followed that path. It was a happy
tune, that made everyone laugh and smile. Earning Sean various comments of
appraisal, especially from Charles who looked like an incredibly proud dad on
his son’s first school recital.
Raven was next, and she had previously decided that acapella was not her thing,
so instead she put on a song called “mambo_noº_5”, grabbed Sean’s hand who was
more than happy to go along with and started dancing and singing. At first
Charles looked at Raven, then he looked at Erik, then Raven once again and
before Erik even knew what was going on Charles grabbed his hand and dragged
him to the middle of the floor, where they too danced. Well, Charles danced,
Erik just kind of moved his body in weird ways.
Hank felt partially excluded and when he looked at Alex he saw that the other
teen felt the same way, so in an act of madness, bravery and consideration for
what had happened hours before, Hank grabbed Alex’s arm and he dragged him to
the side of the dancing floor as he started dancing with him. At first Alex had
only stared at Hank bewildered, and Hank even thought he had made the wrong
decision but then Alex started laughing and dancing with him and Hank laughed
too.
As the song progressed Hank and Alex got closer and closer, until they were
once again facing each other only inches apart. Alex put his hands on Hank’s
hips, and Hank sighed contently as the warmth coming from Alex irradiated his
whole body. Being so close to Alex made Hank feel like the world surrounding
them had disappeared, and they were just a point of light in the middle of the
darkness.
Alex got closer to Hank and whispered into his ear the words Hank had been
dying to hear for the past confusing hours. “These past few days I’ve been
trying to find a way to apologize to you, and in the middle of it all, I’ve
kind of fallen for you.”
Hank’s breath caught in his throat, his brain not being fully able to process
what Alex had just told him. A small part of him already had already known
this, the rational part of Hank that observes everything that surrounds him and
that is always looking and checking, had already known this. But it was such a
small part when it came to Hank’s feelings, so little when compared to all of
Hank’s doubts and fears; it had never been really heard. So when Alex said it,
when Alex told Hank he liked him, well it was almost too much for Hank to
handle. It was like Hank’s brain had suddenly overdosed on love chemicals like
dopamine and others.
Alex who had been hiding his face on Hank’s hair, smiled brightly when he
stepped back a little to look at Hank, feeling quite happy with whatever he was
seeing in Hank’s face and Hank couldn’t help but smile too.
The desire to jump Alex came back to Hank in the form of a huge wave. He really
wanted to kiss Alex, to lick those gorgeous cherry lips until they were swollen
and slick with spit; but unfortunately they were both in the middle of a room
full of people, and even though he was pretty sure they all already knew, Hank
still wanted to play things safe. Also, it was time for their song.
No one had apparently noticed Hank and Alex’s proximity during the dance, and
if they had, they had chosen not to comment on it. Hank sat down in a chair in
the middle of the room, and Alex sat next to him.
Take a photograph,
It'll be the last,
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here,
Hank was the one that started singing, it had taken a lot of courage for him to
do so, but Hank felt like he had enough courage to save the whole fucking
universe at the moment. Courage or no courage though, Hank still sang with his
eyes closed.
I don't have a past
I just have a chance,
Not a family or honest plea remains to say,
He did his best to focus solemnly on the lyrics and nothing else. He knew he
wouldn’t forget them though; the song was now practically imprinted on his
brain.
Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.
It wasn’t even that he felt too embarrassed to sing in front of his new family,
in fact, Hank was surprised to find he didn’t mind singing in front of them at
all, not anymore.
Is it you I want,
Or just the notion
Of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around
The reason he had his eyes closed, was because even though he couldn’t see
anything around him, Hank was sure Alex was staring right at him as he played
the guitar and singed softly behind Hank’s own voice.
Safe to say from here,
You’re getting closer now,
We are never sad ‘cause we are not allowed to be
And Hank wanted to look at Alex, damn he really wanted to look at Alex and his
beautiful eyes and his beautiful hair and his beautiful lips, his beautiful
everything.
Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.
All of his sense were already overwhelmed with Alex’s presence and he knew that
if he dared to look at Alex, then he would most likely lose focus on the song,
that he would get too close to Alex, that everyone would notice his weird
behavior. He knew he shouldn’t look at Alex because he knew that if he did so
he would look like a silly teenager in love and that was exactly what he was,
but it didn’t mean everyone else got the right to see it.
Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.
Hank was never very good when it came to resist sweet temptations though, and
Alex was definitely a very sweet temptation.
To lie here under you,
Is all that I could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,
To lie here under you is all that i could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,
Hank opened his eyes to find a very adorable looking Alex staring right at him,
just like Hank had predicted, except it was all much worse. Because now that
Hank knew Alex liked him, now that he was aware of the fact that the golden
haired boy with perfect eyes and perfect personality liked Hank, that he wanted
Hank even though Hank wasn’t a girl, even though he wasn’t particularly good
looking and he had monster feet and a big stupid, annoying brain. Well, now
that Hank was aware of all this, looking at Alex was so much different, so much
stronger, so much more mesmerizing.
Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.
Alex was looking at Hank like he was the last piece of candy on the world, and
Alex was a 6-year old with a sugar addiction who hadn’t had any decent sweets
inside his body in months. And Hank quite enjoyed being admired like that. He
wondered if Alex really thought he was attractive, of if he just liked his
personality. Both of those possibilities sounded unlikely, and at the same
time, perfectly true.
Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun.
When Hank finished singing his voice sounded almost broken, small sweat beads
beginning to form on his forehead; also, Hank was completely sure someone had
turned on the room temperature because suddenly all of his clothes felt too
hot, too tight and all Hank wanted was to strip off them. He wanted to leave to
his room, and he really wanted Alex to leave with him. Well, what Hank really
wanted was Alex, clothes or no clothes; it didn’t matter because all he wanted
was Alex. He couldn’t care less how or where, as long as it was now and it was
Alex, Hank would be just dandy.
 Everyone congratulated them on their little number, and maybe Charles was a
little bit too happy for them and too cheerful for a simple song played on the
guitar, but neither Hank nor Alex noticed, both of them too busy trying to
stare discreetly at each other, and failing miserably. Sean wanted them all to
vote on their favorite number, and everyone apparently thought this sounded
like a very good idea because they had all started to sit down on the sofas
again and they were already laughing at something someone had said. The only
thought that ran through Hank’s mind was “oh fuck” and he was pretty sure Alex
was feeling the same way for the look the he had on his face.
“If you guys don’t mind I’m gonna head back to my room ‘cause I’m feeling a bit
tired.” Alex nudged Hank on the shoulder as he talked, trying to get Hank to
play along with his lie. Hank stared helplessly for 1.4 seconds, feeling
extremely confused at Alex’s behavior and quite simply sexually frustrated at
the whole thing until he realized what Alex had meant.
“Oh yes, I’m feeling a bit tired too so I think I’ll leave too, see you
tomorrow!” Both of them pretty much ran to the door and left the room without
letting anyone else speak. As soon as they were out they ran back towards their
little rooms, even though there was no need for it, no one would go after them,
they were safe. They laughed together as they ran through the halls, and Hank
didn’t know why he was laughing. Maybe because he was running inside a house
with a person that made his heart flip and his stomach fill with butterflies,
maybe because said person felt the same way in regards to him, and maybe
because Hank could run and there was nothing stopping him from running, and he
felt excited and happy and filled with adrenaline and so many other emotions he
couldn’t even begin to describe.
Their rooms were facing each other by the end of the big hallway, and when they
reached their doors Hank and Alex stopped to look at each. The staring didn’t
last long, because Hank was quite possibly very sick of staring. All he had
done in the last days was stare at Alex, and sometimes Alex hadn’t stared back
and others he had, but that was all they had done and yes, Alex’s eyes were
very pretty but there were also other parts of him that Hank wanted to see, or
in this particular case, feel.
Hank pushed Alex against the nearest wall, his hands holding Alex steady by the
hips as he crushing their lips together and damn, that felt really good. Alex’s
lips were soft and mellow against Hank; they tasted like nectar from the gods
and Hank couldn’t get enough of it.
Kissing Alex was almost like a surreal experience, too good to be true and
still oh so believable. It was like the world besides them had slowed down,
bullets reduced to travelling the same speed as a snail, people lingered in the
same place as they tried to walk, and between all that Alex and Hank kissed and
licked and sucked and nipped each other’s mouths.
They stopped kissing after a couple of minutes, needing to breathe for a bit
just so they could continue their saliva sharing experience seconds later. Alex
took the opportunity to ask Hank while he pressed light kisses on Hank’s jaw
and neck:
“Your room or mine?” It took Hank a few seconds of consideration before
answering Alex.
“Mine, yours is too messy.” Alex grinned against Hank’s neck, knowing that it
was true.
Hank’s grip on Alex’s lips lifted for a just a small moment so they could
stumble to Hank’s room more easily. It was a surprisingly hard journey to make,
with Alex sucking at Hank’s neck now violently wanting to leave a mark there so
everyone could see it tomorrow. Hank tried his best to focus on his task of
opening the room’s door but his brain was foggy and Alex wasn’t helping at all.
 They kept walking in the small space until Hank’s knees hit the bed and Alex
pushed him forward, falling on top of Hank and straddling him. They locked
their mouths together once again and as each second passed their kiss got more
and more heated, Hank focusing solemnly on licking every single part of Alex’s
mouth while Alex’s hands travelled his whole body, his hands passing beneath
Hank’s shirt. Everything felt so overwhelming, and Alex knew he should take a
second to stop and just look at Hank and look at what was happening between
them; but at the same time Alex didn’t want to stop, his hands felt restless,
not wanting to keep quiet when there was so much to touch and discover on
Hank’s body.
And God knew Hank didn’t want to stop as each touch from Alex was more scalding
than the last one. They made Hank feel like he was in flames, burning on a hot
desert with the only water being the sun that burned him.
Everything was so new and intoxicating, each touch created a new feeling, each
movement created more need and lust. Alex’s hips were rocking violently against
Hank, up and down, front and back searching for more contact, more friction,
searching for more.
“Alex, I can’t, I need.” Hank found he was unable to fully express what he
needed. His brain couldn’t put into words what Hank was feeling, leaving Hank
reduced to the production of simple and unfinished words that only served to
express his despair.
“What do you need Hank? Tell me and I’ll do it, I’ll do any fucking thing for
you.” Alex’s croaked voice spoke directly into Hank’s ear as he continued to
roam his hands through Hank’s chest underneath his shirt, and Hank believed in
him when he said them.
“I need you. Please Alex, I, need, you.” Said Hank with a trembling voice.
“ Yes . ”  Was Alex’s only answer before he quickly removed his shirt and
tossed it to the other side of the room, not caring where it fell. He then
started to pull at the hems of Hank’s shirt and it didn’t take long for Hank to
understand what Alex was doing, and for him to remove his own piece of
clothing.
Their pants were a bit trickier to get out of, and Alex had to get up from his
sitting position on Hank’s hips to take them off while Hank did the same. The
rest of their clothes quickly followed and in less than ten seconds they were
both standing on Hank’s bedroom naked and really looking at each other since
their first kiss only moments ago.
Their staring contest didn’t last long, for Alex took two quick strides and he
and Hank were kissing each other again with their dicks rubbing against each
other. Hank moaned into the kiss as Alex’s hand brushed his dick lightly and
only for a couple of second, moving to Hank’s chest once again. His fingernails
scrapped Alex’s back; there would be blood there tomorrow but for now neither
Hank nor Alex could care less. Everything between them was a mix of humid heat,
messy sweat and undeniable lust. Alex pushed Hank against the bed once again,
and they together they fell to the on the soft mattress.
Hank could feel himself near coming from the friction between him and Alex and
he wanted to ask for more, he wanted more, he needed more; but his brain was
already reduced to a mix of desire and haziness and now that there was no
clothing separating him and Alex, making any coherent sentence was near
impossible. The only words that escaped Hank’s lips were “Alex” and “more”,
thankfully though they were enough for Alex to understand since the next thing
Hank knew was Alex replacing his hands that were still travelling his chest
with his mouth, licking a trail downwards.
Alex’s licks were wet and painfully until he reached one of Hank’s nipples and
circled it with his tongue, licking for a couple of seconds before biting down
hard and making Hank moan loudly. Hank’s reaction had apparently pleased Alex
who kept on biting and sucking for endless seconds; Hank’s hands gripped
tightly to the bed covers beneath him, the knuckles turning white as Hank’s
back arched from the bed.
Only when Hank started to continually whisper “please Alex please” even though
he didn’t really know what he was asking, did Alex continue his path. Hank’s
dick had been probing against his chest the whole time and knowing Hank
wouldn’t last for much longer Alex quickly licked his way down, making no stops
this time, until he reached the base of Hank’s dick which he proceed to lick,
from the base to the head as slowly as it was humanly possible.
“Fuck.” Hank cursed loudly, his hands grabbing Alex’s golden hair with too much
strength. Alex was looking at him as he kissed the head of Hank’s dick, and
then shoved it inside his mouth, taking it in slowly, inch by inch. Alex didn’t
want to gag on his first time giving Hank a blow job.
Seeing Alex like this was the hottest thing Hank had ever seen, and just the
sight of it alone could make him come, though he really didn’t want to do it.
Hank wanted to last, even if only for a little bit longer, he wanted to feel
Alex’s mouth on him for as long as he could, savoring each moment and
memorizing it with his heart. That wonderful mouth, so hot and wet, so perfect,
so…
“Jesus Christ!” Scream Hank into the air. Alex had just hollowed his cheeks and
god damn it should be forbidden for someone to look so fucking hot, to be so
fucking irresistible.
Hank’s grip on Alex’s hair tightened “I can’t- Alex I can’t.” He didn’t even
know what he was saying anymore, everything seemed too much for Hank to handle
at that moment.
Alex released Hank’s cock with a pop and smiled gently to him “come for me
Hank, c’mon just do it.”
And Hank did as he was told. He came on Alex’s face with a loud moan that could
probably be heard in the whole mansion escaping his lips, his back arching from
the bed as he gripped Alex’s hair tightly. Afterwards his body collapsed on the
bed covers and he closed his eyes as he tried to regain his breath.
When he finally opened his eyes, in what felt like a hundred years later he saw
Alex kneeling on the other side of the bed with come smeared all over his face,
when Alex saw he had Hank’s full attention he passed one finger through it and
licked it. It was almost pornographic.
Hank had been terribly mistaken when he had said Alex sucking him was the
hottest thing on earth because Alex licking Hank’s come off his own face was
definitely the hottest thing on earth, and on the solar system. Probably on the
whole universe.
Hank quickly raised himself from where he was lying down and crawled to Alex
until he was close enough to devour his mouth, which he did soon after; he
could taste himself on Alex’s mouth. It wasn’t as bad as Hank had thought it
would be, and for some faint reason tasting himself didn’t disgust him at all.
Probably because he was tasting himself on Alex’s mouth. Hank realized then and
there that nothing he did with Alex would ever be disgusting.
Their bodies moved closer to each other without them noticing it, searching for
body warmth and Hank felt something hard poke against him. It didn’t take a
genius to find out what that thing was, and Hank found he was a bit surprised
over the fact that Alex hadn’t mentioned it before; it must have been
troublesome to hold himself for that long. Hank fixed it by grabbing Alex’s
dick with his right hand, stroking it roughly as his left hand laid gently on
Alex’s shoulder.
It didn’t take long for Alex to start moaning quietly against Hank’s mouth and
for him to come in a low cry all over Hank’s hand and over their naked legs,
his hands holding Hank’s shoulder to keep him steady.
Afterwards they lay together under the covers on Hank’s bed, neither of them
saying a word about cleaning themselves or discussing everything that they had
just done and everything that had happened in the last days. They would have
time to do it later. For now Hank found himself contented on sleeping in Alex’s
warm embrace.
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