Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1968822.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF, CW_Network_RPF
  Relationship:
      Jensen_Ackles/Jared_Padalecki
  Character:
      Jared_Padalecki, Jensen_Ackles, Jeffrey_Dean_Morgan, Katie_Cassidy,
      Genevieve_Cortese, Danneel_Harris, Tom_Welling, Colin_Ford, Mackenzie
      Ackles, Justin_Hartley, Michael_Rosenbaum, Chad_Michael_Murray
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe, Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Underage_Sex,
      Underage_Drinking, Underage_Smoking, Light_drug_use, Emotional_Hurt/
      Comfort, First_Kiss, First_Time, Past_Child_Abuse, (mentioned)_-
      Freeform, Friends_to_Lovers, Bullying
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-07-16 Chapters: 6/? Words: 24577
****** You whisper to me and I shiver inside ******
by ElenyasBlood
Summary
     Jensen had it all: a wonderful life, friends, a loving family, a
     future.
     Until the one fateful summer break in which something happens, that
     shakes his life to the very foundations. And when he returns to high
     school nothing feels the same. And while he's still clinging to the
     image of normalcy, Jared steps in his life, ready to turn everything
     upside down-- including Jensen and his thoroughly locked heart.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
***** Chapter 1 *****
Jensen took a deep drag from his cigarette and let his eyes roam over the huge
building in front of him. There was nothing new to the look of his school; it
was old and gray and familiar. It smelled like linoleum and cheap paint and a
never ending stream of people swelled in and out of the massive portal.
Everything was the same, except it wasn't.
He finished the cig with another drag and flipped the butt on the sidewalk
before he checked his watch. Still five minutes until classes started, and he
decided to wait outside, in the shadows of the gym, unnoticed by everyone else.
It was for the better.
“Hey jerk,” A huge hand connected with Jensen's back and jostled him. He almost
toppled over, dropping his mug in the process and cursed as he felt steaming
hot coffee splash against the fabric of his pants.
“Goddamn, Tom,” he roared and spun on his heels, facing his friend. “You just
can't hold it together, can you? That was my first coffee today.”
A mischievous smile played around Tom' lips. “Would you believe me if I said
I'm sorry?”
“Piss off, fuck-nut,” was Jensen's ungracious reply and he eyed his dirty
jeans, the blue denim spattered with dark brown spots.
Tom rolled his eyes as clutched the strap of his backpack, casually leaning
against the wall of the gym. “How were your holidays?”
“They were a blast,” Jensen scoffed and had to crane his neck to look into his
friend's face just in time to see the color of his cheeks change from a healthy
pink to an ashen gray.
“Uh, sorry I didn't... uh... I didn't mean to... I meant aside from...” Tom
muttered, tripping over the words that tumbled out of his mouth and ending up
biting his tongue. He looked like a lost puppy.
Jensen shrugged and tried to ignore his churning stomach, the fucking lead
weight that suddenly threatened to drown him. “Yeah, I know. It's okay.”
“No, Jensen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be an ass about it,” Tom cut in and
the look on his face was serious, his eyes brimming over with compassion and -
was it pity?
“It's okay Tom, I know you just wanted to be... casual,” Jensen reassured him,
the words burning in his throat and he had to clutch the denim of his jeans to
keep himself from strangling his best friend. “Let's go in, class is starting
in a minute.”
Tom swallowed and pushed himself off the wall. “Thanks, mate.”
“Yeah, don't mention it.”
There was a short nod between the two of them, a quiet sign of understanding,
before they left the shadows of the gym and crossed the parking lot, trailing
behind a group of freshman and entering the school.
 ♦ 
The minutes before first period were, as always, a fiasco. Everyone was excited
to see each other again after summer break and their mouths brimmed over with
the need to gossip. And that's what they did- until the moment Jensen and Tom
slipped through the door, that is.
There was a second of deafening silence and the thought of turning around and
leaving right away crossed Jensen's mind, but to be honest he wasn't sure his
legs, numb and leaden as they were, would support him long enough to flee the
building. And Tom's hand on his back was warm and broad and reassuring and it
gave him confidence as he shuffled towards his desk before dropping onto the
uncomfortable stool.
“Anything happen?” Tom leered into the silence and set his backpack on his own
desk next to Jensen, eyes scanning the room.
A few people shook their heads.
“Why is everyone so quiet then, huh? Go on, talk. And stop staring, that's rude
as hell,” Tom hissed, and in fact every pair of eyes in the room lay on the
rear desks, the ones Tom and Jensen had occupied since their first year. The
looks they shot were curious for the most part, but there was repulsion
smoldering in some of them, something very close to disdain.
“It's okay Tom, sit your ass down and shut up, you're not making it any
better,” Jensen mumbled and squeezed his eyes shut, his fingers absent-
mindlessly rubbing his temple.
Tom flopped down, the look on his face stern. “I was just trying to help,” he
hissed defiantly as he watched his friend roll his eyes.
“Yeah, thanks but no thanks, bro, I can handle it myself. I'm not a damsel in
distress, I don't need your help,” Jensen scoffed and swallowed the acid
burning in his throat. He felt so old, weary even, like he had aged during the
summer for an entire decade. His body ached with every movement and there was a
bitterness settled into his bones that turned every word to ashes, every touch
into an insufferable challenge.
“I'm just trying to be a good friend, Ackles,” Tom replied as he started
unpacking his stuff, stacking books and notepads on his desk.
Jensen sucked in a breath, fingers never leaving his temple. “I know, but
you're not... making it any better.”
The look on Tom' face went from defiant to hurt and Jensen could see that he
was about to say something in return, but Mr. Carrell chose exactly that moment
to rush in and the class went silent, including Jensen and Tom, leaving the air
between them thick and filled with unanswered questions and unresolved tension.
They were forty minutes into Science when the mobile in Tom's pocket buzzed and
he crammed his long fingers inside his tight jeans to get it out.
Message from Jen [09:42]
You are a good friend
Tom turned to face Jensen and shot him a wide grin, his eyes full with
suppressed laughter. He gave his friend a thumbs-up and his smile deepened when
Jensen returned the gesture, not the slightest hint of a smile on his lips
himself.
                                       ♦ 
During lunch break Jensen found himself surrounded by his friends. And the part
in him that wasn't totally wrecked, shattered and numb with pain wanted to join
their cheerful laughter, the excitement that bubbled in their chests and poured
out of their ever-moving mouths-- but he felt exhausted, worn thin from too
many nights deprived of sleep.
“Goddamn, that shit is intense,” Danneel stated as she scanned the schedule in
her hand. It was crammed with classes and appointments and she handed it back
to Jeffrey with a pitying smile.
“You haven't seen mine yet,” Katie whined and batted away Colin's nimble
fingers, as they tried to steal a spoonful of mashed potatoes.
“Oh stop complaining you giant baby,” Tom mumbled around a forkful of overly
cooked veggies. “You don't even have to write your fucking essays on your own.”
Katie nodded, contemplating, and gave a resigned sigh as she shoved her plate
towards the youngest.
“Yeah, you have Mr. Freaky Super-brain over there,” Genevieve groaned and
pointed her spoon towards Colin.
“Yeah, but still it's tough,” Katie argued and started to fumble for her own
schedule, rummaging through her backpack, determined to show everyone the
sheet.
“Who's calling the gnome a freak?” Chad cut in as he sat down, his tray stuffed
with all sorts of cheap cafeteria food, including a poor excuse for what could
have been pie. Danneel's eyes were immediately drawn to the sugary treat.
Genevieve clicked her tongue as she combed her fingers through her long, black
mane. “I said super-brain, dumbass,” she corrected and slumped back in her
seat, shuffling her feet under the table until she found a position comfortable
enough to relax.
Chad flipped her the bird and started eating, deliberately ignoring the longing
on Danneel's face.
“Is anyone else free on Wednesdays in the afternoon?” Jeffrey asked into the
silence and his gruff voice echoed through Jensen's chest, made him snap back
from where he was buried in thought.
“Yep, me,” he muttered and straightened the crumpled sheet his fingers he had
been clutching for the past twenty minutes. His hands felt stiff now and the
knuckles cracked when he smoothed his schedule. He was so focused on not
wincing that he almost missed the fond smile that stretched Jeffrey's lips.
“I was thinking about exercising. What do ya think?” the older boy said and the
warm, vibrant brown of his eyes bored into Jensen's emeralds, his hand ruffling
his own unruly hair.
Jensen nodded, a little bit too enthusiastically maybe, and for the first time
since he had left the house in the morning he felt at ease, a little bit less
strained. “You bet.”
“Care if I join?” Danneel asked from the other end of the table, her eyes still
drawn to the pie on Chad's tray, pink tongue darting out to wet her full lips.
“Nuh uh,” Jeffrey grunted. His broad body, all long legs and firm muscles,
lounged casually in the cafeteria chair and the look on his face could easily
be mistaken as pride.
“Just to get this straight, are we talking about exercise or exercise?” Katie
cut in, her voice dry and her green eyes narrowed.
“Jesus fuck, Katie, you dirty fucker,” Genevieve scoffed immediately and Tom
snickered into the hem of his sweater, the corners of his eyes crinkling with
laughter.
Katie snorted. “It was a legit question.” She supported herself on her elbows
and threaded her fingers together, chin resting on top. She looked quite
earnest like that, her blond hair smoothed back, long lashes fanning over her
flushed cheeks and her pretty lips forming a thin line.
“Just because everything you do during your 'exercises' is fucking around
doesn't mean everyone is up for that shit,” Danneel huffed and managed to pry
her eyes away from Chad's tray.
“As if I'm the only one who enjoys a good shag on a regular basis,” Katie
replied and her eyes flitted towards Jeffrey, the look on her face longing.
“Katie, for fuck's sake, get your shit together. I'm trying to eat,” Chad
groaned, his brows furrowed and a forkful of veggies frozen half-way to his
mouth.
“Yeah, we all know you're a a little, Katie,” Jensen contemplated and took a
sip out of his coffee mug. “But there's no need to share your filthy bedtime
stories with the rest of us.”
Katie's lips curled into a smug smile. “You're just jealous because you're not
the one who's getting Jeffrey's cock 24/7 an-”
“Enough,” Jeffrey cut in and he shot his friend - girlfriend, fuck-buddy,
whatever - a glare.
“Oh honey, I love it when you get all bossy,” Katie cooed and snaked her hands
around Jeffrey's hips, dropping her head on the boy's shoulder.
Jensen rolled his eyes, ignoring the little pang in his chest when he witnessed
the comfortable closeness between his friends. “You're impossible, Katie
Cassidy, impossible and maddening.”
“And you're short,” Katie snapped and stuck her tongue out like a girl in
kindergarten.
“You wouldn't spit such big words if you knew the size of my cock,” Jensen
countered and felt his lips twitching, mouth threatening to curl into a smile.
“Because there's nothing short about that part of me.”
Katie roared out a laugh, her whole body shaking with amusement and she let go
of Jeffrey, hauling her heavy combat boots up and onto the table. “Fair enough,
mate,” she grinned and lolled her head back. “God, I could kill a man for a
smoke right now.”
The laughter on their faces died immediately and the whole table fell silent.
Colin looked up from where he was buried into a book, Danneel let go of the pie
and Jensen felt Jeffrey's body grow stiff next to him. Everyone ducked their
heads, avoiding looking at Jensen at all costs.
“I... uh... that was...” Katie stuttered, all self-confidence and smugness
dropped, her face open and unguarded. Guilt was written all over it and she bit
her lip nervously.
Jensen felt nausea washing over him, ugly and sharp and disgusting, and he
sucked in a breath, nostrils flaring and eyes roaming everywhere but the group
of his friends. His friends who were acting like strangers all of a sudden.
Like everyone else did.
Jeffrey was first to regain his composure. “Katie, you're a fucking moron. I...
Jensen, I'm sorry, she didn't mean to.” He spoke on behalf of his friend, his
voice low and soothing, the look on his face compassionate.
“'M fine,” Jensen lied as he felt his jaw set. “It was nothing. Can we please
get back to normal?”
The ringing of the school bell spared the group another moment of strange and
unfamiliar awkwardness and the many-voiced sigh of relief from his friends'
mouths cut deep into Jensen's thrumming heart.
“Shit, we're already late,” Tom blurted out and scrambled to his feet. “Jensen,
you coming?” Everyone else shot up too, hastily gathering their backpacks and
fumbling for the schedules scattered all across the table.
Jensen frowned. “Mrs. Hatcher is gonna be livid,” he muttered, grabbing his mug
and waving his friends goodbye before he left the cafeteria in Tom's tow.
                                       ♦ 
Jensen was right, their English teacher was livid. Boiling with rage, she had
decided to give her students a butt-load of homework on their first day,
including a five hundred words long essay about her current object of
obsession, Wuthering Heights, which left Jensen even more relieved when he
stepped out into the chill afternoon sun, immediately lighting himself a
cigarette.
“You could at least wait until you're off the school ground,” Tom suggested,
nervously shifting his weight from one foot on the other.
Jensen shrugged, already lost in thought, and they made their way to the
parking lot in silence. It took the others a while to show up, their voices
loud and harsh as they complained about homework and school in general,
rambling on for several minutes. Katie and Jeffrey were the last to arrive,
their cheeks flushed and the smiles on both their faces inappropriately
cheerful.
“What a wonderful, sunny day,” Katie gave everyone a shit-eating grin and
straightened his Sisters of Mercy-shirt, her lips plush and slick from the
kisses she had stolen Jeffrey in the dim half-light of the hallway. “Who's up
for a barbecue?”
“Dude, I'm sure it's a teeny wee bit too late to do a barbecue. It's fucking
September,” Gen replied and her brows were raised. She handed her lighter to
Katie, who promptly searched her pockets for a cigarette.
“Don't mind her,” Jeffrey mumbled, patting his friend's back. “She's a little
high on adrenaline and hormones; she'll be okay in a sec.”
The others shared a laugh, their faces tilted towards the sun, gleefully
enjoying the last days of summer before the weather would change into a tragedy
of rain, fog and thunderstorms. Today the wind was warm and soft, whispering
through their hair and mussing it gently while the last rays of afternoon sun
kissed their cheeks and temples.
“Speaking of being high,” Danneel butted in as she leaned back against
someone's car, crossing her legs. “I still got some weed from my last harvest;
anyone up for a sleep-over on Saturday?”
The mood lifted immediately. “God yes,” Genevieve groaned and nudged her knee
against Danneel's, the smirk on her lips becoming excited.
“I thought you'd never ask, Harris,” Katie huffed, shooting Danneel a wink, and
curling her hand into the fabric of Jeffrey's jacket.
“Can't come,” Colin peeped from where he stood and fiddled with the book in his
hand, the look on his face frustrated. “My dad is gonna be in town for the
weekend and I have to help Mom with the twins.”
Jensen, who had remained silent during the whole conversation, the hollow in
his chest filled with a dull ache, shivered despite the golden rays of sunshine
on his face. “Gonna skip, too,” he threw in, his stomach churning unpleasantly.
“What? No!” Danneel and Genevieve howled in unison. “Not gonna happen, mate, we
need you, you're the world's best blunt-wrapper!”
“I can't come, I'm... uh... busy,” Jensen lied and his cheeks burned while
doing so. He felt sorry for lying to his friends, but still the thought of
spending an evening away from his mom and brother scared him more than he would
ever care to admit.
“Oh come on man, don't be such a bore,” Katie groaned and stomped up to Jensen.
“It'll be fun.”
Jensen scowled. “I said I'm busy, girl,” he replied and was more than just
grateful when Tom and Jeffrey jumped in.
“It's okay Jensen,” Jeff mumbled and nudged his shoulder against Jensen's.
“Yeah, maybe next time.” Tom agreed, patting his friend's back awkwardly.
After everyone had finished their cigarettes they spent a good minute of waving
each other goodbye before piling up in the cars and heading home, their moods
cheery.
                                       ♦ 
“There's a new guy in my class,” Colin said after they had left the parking
lot, everyone pressed into the comfortable seats of Jeffrey's SUV. The car
still smelled new and the control panels shone in a glossy black.
Genevieve grunted softly from where she had dropped her head against the
window. “Do tell,” she slurred and sprawled all over the cushions, almost
melting into it.
Colin shrugged. “Don't know much, he's only been in town for a few days. He's
from Texas.”
Jensen perked up.
“Like Tom? Cool,” Genevieve replied and shot Colin a smile, her bony knees
pressing against the solid back of Jeffrey's seat. “What's he like?”
“Um, nice, I guess? He's... into music and sports; that's all I know. He looks
like a musician, though,” Colin mused and shoved his glasses up the bridge of
his nose.
“What's his name?” Katie asked from where she was pressed against Jensen's
side, warm and firm and solid like a brick wall.
Colin furrowed is brows. “Jarvis I think, or was it Jason? God, I don't
remember, but he's really fucking tall.”
“Tom is tall as shit, too,” Jensen threw in.
“Must be an Texan thing, then,” Jeffrey stated and set the signal before he
turned into Jensen's street, stopping in front of the white country house and
dropping the boy after a firm hug and a nudge against his forehead.
                                       ♦ 
The next morning came quick and merciless and Jensen found himself back in
front of the school again all too early, watching a few of his classmates from
a respectful distance. Unlike yesterday, he had settled on of the benches,
cross-legged with a styrofoam cup full of steaming hot coffee next to his knee.
The sun was already up, filling the air with golden rays of warmth and dancing
along Jensen's cheekbones when he craned his neck. He took a few deep drags
from his cigarette, his eyes fluttered shut, and was about to doze off, when a
foreign voice interrupted the idle hour.
“Hi, um, can I... um, borrow your lighter?”
Jensen's eyes flung open and were rewarded with the sight of a handsome
stranger, cute, tall and lean. His fair brown hair was mussed by the soft
breeze, his lips curled into a nervous smile.
“Sure,” Jensen muttered and fumbled for his lighter, handing it to the
stranger.
“Thanks mate. I'm not a smoker; well at least not usually.” Mr. Tall, Cute and
Handsome said and he needed three attempts to make the lighter work, his hands
shaking slightly. Eventually he cupped his hands around the tiny flame,
shielding it against the wind, and took a long drag from the cigarette dangling
between his soft pink lips. “I only smoke when I'm nervous.”
He handed the lighter back to its owner and his eyes, hazel and crested by
long, gently curved lashes, bored into Jensen's. God, he was handsome. “Thanks
again. I would've died without some nicotine today.”
Jensen nodded, dumbfounded, and pocketed the lighter again, his gaze never
leaving the stranger's face. He knew he was staring, but he couldn't bring
himself to give a fuck. The way the fluttering golden light of the morning sun
was caught in the chestnut locks was mesmerizing, the high boned cheeks,
covered in the slightest hint of stubble, breathtaking.
The stranger took a few deep breaths from his cigarette and became more and
more calm with every inhale. After the fourth drag, blue smoke curling around
his flaring nostrils, he lowered his eyes to the spot next to Jensen.
“Mind if I join you?” he slurred and his rich voice vibrated deep in Jensen's
chest, his thick accent cradling his senses and lulling them gently.
Jensen shrugged and watched the stranger flopping down next to him, his long
legs sprawled out in front of the bench. The sudden movement stirred the air
and seconds later the faint scent of aftershave and smoke was all over Jensen,
sending him reeling and leaving him wondering. The stranger's sudden appearance
felt like an impact, hard and sharp and good, and Jensen found himself unable
to shy away when Mr. Handsome's thigh pressed unintended against his.
Jensen cleared his throat. “So...um, why are you nervous?” he croaked and
sucked in a lungful of smoke himself.
“It's my first day here at school. Well I was here yesterday, but only for some
administrative stuff. I'm the new guy,” the stranger replied and kicked the tip
of his Converse against some pebbles. His gaze roamed over the parking lot and
the green lawn. “I'm Jared by the way.”
“Jensen.”
“Cool,” Jared mumbled and leaned forward to stub his cigarette out on the sole
of his shoe. “That's pretty good stats, huh?”
Jensen felt his brows hitch as he studied Jared's face, as if the answer
would've have been written in the silhouette of his cheeks. Or the elegant
curve of his neck. Or the soft hollow under his throat.
“School hasn't even started and I already made a new friend; that's good
statistics, right?” Jared explained after several moments of silence.
Jensen felt his stomach drop and he winced slightly, flipping the still
smoldering butt of his cigarette on the freshly mowed lawn. “Yeah, no offense
Jared, but we're not friends,” he mumbled and scrambled to his feet, his
backpack knocking over the mug, hot coffee spilling all over the bench and dry
grass.
“But-” Jared protested, pouting.
“You don't want to be my friend, trust me,” Jensen cut in and without another
word he spun on his heels and headed towards the school, leaving Jared in utter
confusion, his eyes dark with disappointment.
***** Chapter 2 *****
The first periods were a pain in the ass as usual. The air inside of the
classroom was muggy and tasted like chalk, the light streaming down from the
lamps on the ceiling, was crude and Jensen had to squint to prevent his eyes
from tearing up. He felt completely miserable, his mind still spinning from the
conversation with Jared and from the devastated look Jensen had left him with.
He hadn't intended to hurt the boy, not really, just wanted to push him far
away so he wouldn't try to reach for him again. But now he felt bad for his
words, felt them burning in his throat and no matter how hard he swallowed, he
couldn't get rid of the taste of disappointment.
It wasn't until lunch that he finally gave up torturing his brain with the
memories of the morning's encounter and forced himself to concentrate on
shoveling rice into his mouth. Flanked by Jeffrey and Tom and with Genevieve
across from him, he felt himself calm down a little, enjoying the comfortable
silence that spread between them until Colin joined them several minutes later.
He balanced a tray in his one hand and a pile of books in the other, a familiar
face in tow.
“Hey guys,” Colin greeted them cheerfully and set his lunch on the table, his
backpack following suit. “I'd like to introduce you to Jared, he's new.” His
chest swelled with pride when he started to point out his friends, his lithe
body bouncing with excitement and his cheeks flushed pink.
“That's Genevieve, I told you about her. Her father owns one of the pubs
downtown.” Genevieve gave a little smirk and a wink, waving the newcomer hello.
“That's Jeff -well, Jeffrey- he's a musician, like you.” Jeffrey perked up, his
eyes scanning the boy in front of him, taking in his lean body and the soft,
silky hair spilling down his shoulders.
“That's Tom, he's from Texas, too.” Tom actually bothered to stand up, the
smile on his lips warm and welcoming.
“A fellow countryman,” he roared and clapped his hands together, his body
vibrating with anticipation. “Brilliant, we're so gonna have a talk about the
good old home.”
Jared shot him a bright smile before he was introduced to Jensen – again.
“And that's Jensen, he's... well he's Jensen, you'll see for yourself soon
enough.” Colin smirked a crooked smile and finally sat down, immediately
starting to poke the food on his plate with his fork.
“Yeah, I... we already met,” Jared replied politely as he lowered his gaze to
Jensen, his smile still bright and warm and not the slightest bit hurt.
“Really? When?” Tom asked and ridiculously enough he sounded somewhat taken
aback, almost offended. He pouted and the crease between his brows was sharp
and deep.
“Today, in the early morning, before school,” Jared replied matter-of-factly
and sat down next to Colin, his eyes never leaving Jensen, vibrant hazel boring
into bottle green. Jared had no tray stuffed full of food in front of him and
his fingers only clutched a mug full of tea.
It took Jensen a few moments before he found his voice again, his knees shaking
under the table. “He borrowed my lighter,” he mumbled and used his spoon to
paint circles in the leftovers of his food. He wasn't hungry anymore, his
stomach churning and an unpleasant heat coiling down his spine.
“I'm a nervous smoker,” Jared explained and finally dragged his gaze away from
Jensen's face, staring at his finger nails instead.
“Mh,” was Tom's only reply and he busied himself clearing his plate while the
conversation rolled on.
“What brings you here?” Genevieve was the first to ask, the smile on her face
signalizing her genuine interest.
“We just moved here from Texas. My mom got a job in the local hospital and
since the divorce was finalized she figured she needed some fresh air, see
something new, you know,” Jared replied and shrugged, apparently entirely
comfortable with talking about his family.
“So you just moved in?” Colin chewed around a forkful of rice. “Where do you
live?”
“Downtown, Yosemite Street, but it's only temporarily. We're looking for
something bigger, something in the suburbs maybe.” Jared chuckled, a quiet and
soft sound that sent shivers down Jensen's spine, made him cringe. “Mom and I,
neither of us are city people.”
“Like all the Texan guys!” Tom huffed and a laugh rippled through his body.
“That's my man.”
There was a moment of pleasant closeness when everyone joined Tom' guffaw,
their voices intertwining in the muggy air while sharing a laugh before Jeffrey
spoke up. “Colin said you're a musician?”
Jared nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, drums and guitar, sometimes singing, but I
wouldn't count on that. I'm a horrible lead singer.”
“I've a band, well a little less than that, just some jamming in my garage now
and then, but we're still looking for a decent drummer, if you're interested?”
Jeffrey offered and sprawled his legs under the table, his left thigh nudging
Jensen's.
“Of course, yes, count me in.”
“Hey Jared, don't let Jeffrey boss you around, though. He's quite good at
that,” Genevieve contemplated as she balanced her spoon on the tip of her nose.
“And the worst is, you won't even notice until you're dangling from a fucking
roof by your feet in the middle of the night.”
“Oi, girl, shut up! That was one time because I lost my key while climbing that
fucking tree and it landed in-” Jeffrey protested, but he cut himself off.
“Never mind, I'm not gonna apologize again.”
Genevieve flashed him a grin. “Dude, I broke my nose when I crashed into that
shed. But it's okay, I'm done with it. I got my compensation.”
Jeffrey gnashed his teeth at the reminder and grimaced, crossing his arms in
front of his broad chest with a defiant look on his face.
“Jeff gave Genevieve his best guitar as an apology,” Colin explained to Jared,
who listened with interest, his eyes wide and lips shaped into a perfect O.
“I um... I'm gonna be careful then, I guess?” he suggested, smiling, as his
eyes searched for Jensen's again, shooting him a wink when he found the boy
studying him.
Jensen blinked in surprise, wincing, and tried unsuccessfully to drag his eyes
away. He felt trapped in a tidal pull and it was strong and compelling and vast
and Jensen hated it. The urge to watch the new guy, to take in his handsome
face, his high boned cheeks, the long, thick lashes, the soft curve of his
cupid's bow, was overwhelming and disturbing. And Jensen found himself unable
to think straight when Jared was around.
He sighed. “I'm gonna go for a smoke,” he slurred and pushed his stool back.
“Anyone gonna take care of my tray?”
“Are you alright, mate? You look like you've seen a ghost,” Tom said and was
about to stand up himself, following Jensen like he usually did.
“No no, I'm alright, I'm just a little tired I guess. Need some air,” was the
evasive answer and with that Jensen left, hands clutching the straps of his
backpack, jaw set and his eyes focused on the exit, determined not to look back
again.
Nicotine and the chill breeze were medicine for Jensen's trembling nerves and
after the fourth drag he started to feel better, calmer, more his usual self.
He didn't allow himself to think about Jared again, not about the way his
accent made him slur some of his words like he was tipsy, or the way the sun
filtered through his chestnut hair. Or the way he smiled, his soft mouth
curling upwards and the corners of his astonishing eyes crinkling. Or the way
he combed his long, slender fingers through his mane in an attempt to tame the
mass of hair, no he didn't think about Jared. Not at all.
                                       ♦ 
The rest of the day proceeded disturbingly slow and when Tom dropped Jensen off
in front of his house in the late afternoon he felt a familiar ache pounding
behind his forehead.
He kicked the door open, yelling “Mom, I'm home!” in the process. Greeted by
the smell of wet dog and muddy boots, his mother's answer came from upstairs,
probably out of her bedroom.
“Hey honey, dinner is in the fridge.” Her voice sounded thin, somewhat muffled
from the cushions of her bed.
“Where's Mackenzie?” Jensen yelled back, toeing his chucks off and shrugging
out of his coat. It wasn't normal for his mother to sleep during the day, all
housework abandoned and the rug in the hallway dirt-stained. But then again,
nothing was normal since that fateful day four weeks ago.
“With your grandparents,” was the short answer, which ended the conversation
for the time being, and Jensen padded into the kitchen, immediately heading for
the fridge. It was empty, except from a bottle of ketchup, a package of ham and
a plastic box filled with what could have been pasta with a watery sauce,
smelling like tomatoes and burned onions.
Jensen sighed, shoved the box back into the fridge and went for coffee instead-
- there's was nothing one could ruin with coffee, right? The sad thing was that
Jensen's mother used to be a wonderful cook, clever, creative with the
ingredients and always up for something new. But since she lost the faith in
herself, and pretty much everything else, Jensen caught Donna failing more and
more, struggling with the tiniest of problems when before she would have solved
it within the blink of an eye.
A mug of coffee in his hand, a cigarette tucked behind his ear and roughly
hidden beneath his short hair, Jensen tiptoed upstairs and into his room. The
unpleasant smell vanished as soon as he closed the door behind his back.
However, he went to the window and pushed it open, letting in the fresh
afternoon air. It smelled rich and sweet and the boy took a deep inhale before
he placed his mug on the ledge and fumbled for his homework in the depths of
his backpack. It was quiet in the house when his sister wasn't there, eerily
silent, and Jensen didn't like it.
But music was no option when Donna slept two doors away and Jensen accepted his
fate stoically, slipping out of the window to feel the warm roof under his
socks and taking homework, coffee and cigarette with him.
                                       ♦ 
Jensen had spent the rest of the afternoon and the early evening on the roof,
sitting cross-legged on the warm shingles, homework in his lap and coffee in
his mouth, having one lungful of smoke after another. Eventually Donna had
gotten up to rummage around the house, not bothering to look for her son until
her parents' red car pulled into the driveway.
“Jensen, honey, if you're sitting on the roof again, I'm gonna come and get you
unless you're down here in less than twelve seconds,” Donna had shouted from
downstairs, her voice high-pitched and piercing as ever. “Your grandparents are
here and I'm not gonna listen to another lecture from my dad because of your
reckless streak.”
So Jensen had stubbed out his cigarette and gathered his things, climbing
inside again and making his way downstairs while popping a piece of minty
chewing gum into his mouth. And that's where he stood now, an armful of sister
around his waist and his grandma's lips on his cheek.
“Hey sweetie,” he greeted Mackenzie and ruffled the girl's soft hair, giving
her small form a light squeeze. “How was your day? Did you have an awesome time
with grandma and granddad?”
Mackenzie nodded excitedly. “We went to the zoo and I got to stroke a tiny lion
baby and it was so soft and warm and Grandma said that he liked me, too. His
name was Sam.”
“Wow, that sounds like hella fun,” Jensen admitted and nudged his little
sister's shoulders with his hip, letting go of her tiny frame and pushing him
towards the living room where Donna and her parents were already seated on the
giant sofa.
“Jensen, why don't you and Mackenzie go for a walk with Oscar?” their mom asked
as soon as her children appeared in the door frame, the look on her face
strained, her jaw set. Her blond hair looked like she hadn't combed it properly
in ages, the touch of gray around her temples growing every day, swallowing the
rich gold of her locks.
“But Mom-” Jensen was about to protest, but his granddad cut him off.
“Go ahead, kids, the grown-ups have to discuss boring adult-stuff.” He fumbled
for his wallet and fished five bucks out, pushing them into Jensen's palm. “Buy
yourself and your sister some ice cream.”
“Oh yeah, ice cream,” Mackenzie blurted out, her voice cheerful, and Jensen was
glad that the sudden outburst drowned his own annoyed groan.
                                       ♦ 
“Do you think Oscar wants some ice cream, too?” Mackenzie asked as they sat
down on the bench in the small park not far from their house. Jensen watched
the giant Golden Doodle sniff around the trash can and shrugged.
“I don't know, I never asked,” he admitted and licked around his cone,
swallowing a mouthful of chocolate chip and cookie dough ice cream. The park
lay in utter peace, just a few joggers making their way across the lawns and
the sun was about to dip into the horizon every second, painting the sky in
beautiful orange and blazing red.
Mackenzie stared at him, wide eyed, her short legs bouncing up and down
relentlessly while she stuffed her mouth with ice cream, smearing her chin and
shirt in the process. “You think he'll answer?”
“Hey Os,” Jensen spoke up and whistled low between his teeth, the huge dog
immediately perking up. “C'mere big guy, we'd like-”
Jensen didn't come to finish his sentence because right in that moment Oscar
decided to abruptly turn on his heels, his whole body giving a jerk, and with a
loud bark he started to run. The leash that snaked loosely around Jensen's
wrist, slipped out of the boy's hand and the next second the huge dog vanished
into the shrubbery.
“Shit,” Jensen cursed and dropped his cone, grabbing his little sister by his
hand and hauling them both up.
“Mom says you must not swear,” Mackenzie squawked and let herself be dragged
along as Jensen started to jog, heading into the direction where the dog had
pushed his giant body into the green.
The little girl complained all the way through the shrubbery, but Jensen paid
her no heed, calling for the defiant brat of a dog instead until his throat
felt dry and raw.
“Maybe he ran to get his own ice cream,” Mackenzie suggested helpfully when
they came to a halt in front of an old maple tree, chests heaving and their
cheeks flushed from the run.
“Yeah, more like not,” Jensen scoffed and spun on his heels, scanning the
surroundings. God, that fucking dog was big as a calf, how the hell was it
possible that he vanished into thin air? And why was it always him struggling
with his bad luck? Oscar was by far the laziest dog in the whole state and
didn't give two shits about chasing balls or digging holes; he literally slept
and farted all day. Why did it have to be today of all days that he discovered
the joys of a work-out?
“Oscar!” Jensen yelled again and drowned his sister's excited cry, Mackenzie's
hand untangling from Jensen's grip and waving towards their dog.
“Look Jensen, he found Os,” Mackenzie peeped and bounced on her heels, ice
cream forgotten in her hand and slowly melting in the warmth of her hand.
And indeed there was a human next to their terrible dog, one hand on the
collar, the other crammed into the pocket of his jeans. He wore a flannel over
his black shirt and tantalizing hazel eyes found Jensen.
“Hey guys,” Jared greeted and the smirk on his lips was bright and disarming.
“I guess this gorgeous boy is yours?”
“What are you doing here?” Jensen sputtered and could've slapped himself for
his inability to think before opening his mouth.
Jared cocked his head. “Um, catching dogs and returning them to their rightful
owners, apparently. What does it look like?”
“I don't know... I just... I thought you live downtown?”
“Yeah, I do, but Mom and I had an appointment with a real estate agent down the
street to view a house.” Jared shrugged before he scratched the drooling dog
behind his ears. “I got bored and thought it would be a good idea to check out
the neighborhood when I ran into this splendid fellow. Or more accurately, he
ran into me. Knocked me down like I weighed nothing.”
Jensen felt the blush on his cheeks darken and it had nothing to do with the
jog. “I'm sorry, did he hurt you?”
“No worries, he just wanted to cuddle, right boy? Have some hugs?” Jared bent
down to sling his arms around the dog as he nuzzled his furry neck. Oscar
whined happily. “That's right, such a good boy.”
“He wants to have some ice cream,” Mackenzie informed Jared while she watched
the stranger cuddling her dog very cautiously. “We think he likes it.”
Jared shot the little girl a wide smile. “You think? Mh, I'm pretty sure, too.
I mean everyone likes ice cream, right?” He straightened up again and
approached the siblings, handing Jensen the leash, and for a split of second
their fingers connected in a light brush of skin against skin. Jensen froze and
quickly yanked his hand back as if he had burned himself.
“Thanks,” he mumbled, ducking his head awkwardly, suddenly unable to stand
Jared's intense gaze. The younger boy kept on smiling as turned around, bending
down to offer Mackenzie his hand.
“And who are you? I'm pretty sure we haven't met before,” he drawled and
snickered when the little girl shoved her fingers into his palm, smearing his
skin with a mush of sticky ice cream and dirt.
“I'm Mackenzie, Jensen's sister and I was at the zoo today and I had a tiny
lion on my arm.” Mackenzie introduced herself and her little chest swelled with
pride, a huge smile painted across her face.
Jared's eyebrows shot upwards. “Wow, that is something.” He nodded thoughtfully
and gave the girl a thumbs-up. “I'm Jared, I'm a frien-... I know your brother
from school.”
“Cool. I usually go to school, too, but Mom says it's better for me to stay at
home for a while longer since the summer break was so crazy and Dad is in
prison now,” the girl replied with a frown on her face and Jensen couldn't
manage to clamp his hand around Mackenzie's mouth quickly enough.
Jared nodded again. “What a bummer, Mackenzie! I'm sorry you can't go to
school. But hey, you had a lion on your arm today. How many of your classmates
can say that about themselves, huh?”
Mackenzie seemed to contemplate for a moment, her brows furrowed in utter
concentration and her tiny fist still clutching the cone with the completely
molten ice cream. “You're right,” she said finally and her face lit up. “And
Mom says I can go to school again when-”
“Mac, why don't you go and wash your hands in the fountain?” Jensen cut in, his
lips already bruised from where he had crushed his teeth into the soft flesh.
“I'm sure Jared is in a hurry and we're gonna be late for dinner, too.”
The girl pouted. “But I wanna make new friends, too,” she protested and the
frustrated look returned to her face.
“We can meet again on another day, what do you think?” Jared threw in and
patted the girl's blond curls, a legacy from both his mom and dad. “Maybe
tomorrow, here in the park, with Jensen and your dog-”
“Oscar,” Mackenzie corrected.
“Okay right, Oscar.”
Mackenzie sucked on her tongue while considering Jared's words. “Can we have
ice cream, too?”
“Sure thing, sweetie.”
“You have to promise.” Mackenzie demanded and offered the boy her pinky,
giggling when Jared hooked his own finger in.
“Promise!” They said in unison and Mackenzie giggled again, letting go of her
new friend and obediently padding towards the fountain.
“Cute,” Jared murmured as soon as the kid was out of earshot and he turned to
face Jensen again, his lips still curled into a bright smile and Jensen found
himself wondering if there was a time in Jared's life when he didn't look like
he just saw the sun came up after a long month of rain.
“You don't know it yet, but my little sisters is a nag and he will hold you to
that promise,” Jensen stated matter-of-factly and continued torturing his lower
lip with his teeth.
Jared shrugged. “It's okay, I like kids,” he replied lightly and Jensen
suddenly felt queasy, the words too fucking familiar and peppered with the
ugliest of memories. He flinched.
“Let's hope I'm wrong and she'll forget it by tomorrow,” he said, a little too
fierce, voice hard and face blank.
“I wouldn't mind seeing you again, all three of you,” Jared stated and gave
Oscar's ears another scratch, the look on his face open, unguarded and so
goddamn honest it almost broke Jensen's defenses. Almost.
“Yeah thanks, but no thanks. I really don't want to bother you.” Jensen
clutched Os' leash tighter and stepped away from the taller boy, dragging his
giant of a dog along. “We did more than enough to strain your patience, thanks
again. Have a good day...um evening; whatever. Bye.”
And with a last wave and a forced smile Jensen left for the second time that
day, leaving a dumbstruck and disappointed Jared in his wake.
                                       ♦ 
It was far after 10pm when Jensen found some time to ask his Mom about the
boring adult-stuff she had discussed with her parents earlier. Mackenzie was
already in bed, her small form safely tucked into the warm cocoon of her
blanket, and Donna was busying herself in the kitchen when Jensen strolled in.
“So, what did grandpa say?” he initiated the conversation bluntly and hopped on
one of the bar stools, his feet hovering over the tiled floor when he came to
sit.
Donna kept staring on the counter. “What do you mean?” Her question was just an
attempt to dodge the unavoidable and they both knew it, but she kept scrubbing
the sink until Jensen asked again, his voice thin and his belly filled with a
leaden cold.
“What did he say about Dad? What did the court say?”
“He said that your dad is going to prison,” she replied hollowly, her head
finally jerking towards her son.
“Yeah Mum, that I already know; that's no fucking surprise,” Jensen huffed out,
immediately regretting his choice of words.
“Language, young man,” Donna yelled and spun on her heels, fully facing Jensen.
“You're not allowed to speak about your father like that, not with such words.
Have some respect, I didn't... that's not-” Her voice broke as did her
composure and a dry sob forced itself out of her throat, lingering in the
silence of the kitchen. Her fists were clenched on her sides and she clutched
the damp cloth so tight her knuckles turned white, red patches of anger and
shame and grief blooming on her pale cheeks.
“I'm sorry,” she mumbled before her son could say anything in his defense,
ducking her head, her blond mane falling to her face, hiding the tears Jensen
knew that trickled out of her eyes. “I just don't know... if your dad is going
to jail for good I don't know how to go on, Jensen. I don't want to be alone.”
“Mom, you're not alone,” Jensen uttered and slipped from the stool, crossing
the kitchen in two steps and gathering his sobbing mother into his arms.
“You're not alone. You'll never be alone. You have Mackenzie and you have me
and together we'll see through this, okay? We're not going anywhere. You're not
alone, you hear me?“
“I-I know honey, I really do, but what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed
to do as a mother of two children, with a house that's not paid off and a part-
time job as a secretary at the hospital? We're most likely to lose everything,
the house, the cars, the-”
Jensen cut in. “No Mom, stop it. Don't even go there,” he shushed her while he
rubbed slow circles across her back, his palms a warm and reassuring weight on
her lithe body while he felt his own courage dwindle away in the face of
reality. “We're gonna figure it out; we're going to find a way and make it
work. What did the lawyer say?”
“It's not yet decided what is going to happen with your dad. He is trying to
arrange a visit for me so I can see Alan on Wednesday, but the chances are
small that he's going to succeed.”
Jensen felt his guts turning to ice and he bit the inside of his cheek, forcing
his own sobs and tears back into his rigid body. “See? Nothing is decided yet;
we still have a chance. And Mr. Sheppard is the best. He'll help Dad, right?”
Donna hiccupped and clung to her son, her wet face nuzzling his shoulder and
smearing his sweater with tears and snot. “I guess,” she mumbled against the
damp fabric and then inhaled deeply.
“That's right,” Jensen whispered and patted his mother's back, slowly
untangling himself from her painfully tight grip. “Breathe Mom, one step at a
time. This is going to work, I promise.” And together they stood for a good
minute, breathing slowly, facing each other until a small smile played around
Donna's lips.
“You're such a good boy, Jensen, and you've grown so much. I wouldn't know what
I would do without you.” She patted his cheek. “How was school?”
Jensen shrugged. “Boring as usual. Hey, can I go to bed? I'm really tired and
tomorrow's first period is P.E.”
“Sure honey, sleep tight.” His mother leaned in for a chaste kiss on her son's
cheek, her lips still wet with tears.
“Night Mom,” Jensen mumbled and he was already on his way upstairs when Donna
appeared in the crack of the kitchen door again.
“Would you please check on your sister on your way upstairs?” she whispered,
her voice barely audible and she gave him another smile, sad and small and
thin, before she returned to the kitchen, leaving Jensen to his task.
Jensen stripped quickly, shedding his clothing like a casing that got too tight
during the day and crashed into his bed, face buried in his pillow, blanket
wrapped around his naked body. And it wasn't until then that he allowed himself
to cry, tears thick with despair and hot with grief soaking into the cushion
and his whole body shaking under the force of his sorrow until he drifted into
a fitful sleep.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Friday morning came quickly and greeted Jensen with a sky full of rain-laden
clouds and a stiff breeze, a cold and unpleasant reminder of the upcoming fall.
He left the house in a hurry and was grateful to see Tom's car already parked
in the driveway.
“Good morning, sunshine,” his friend said cheerfully when Jensen opened the
door on the passenger's side. “Rough night?”
Jensen only grunted in response and hauled his body into the car, propping his
feet on the dashboard and grabbing the coffee Tom offered.
“Thanks, mate, I needed some caffeine.”
“Did Donna make decaf again?”
“Man, she's been on that health trip for weeks and it's even worse since Dad
isn't home. She's obsessed,” Jensen mumbled and took a sip of the hot, black
beverage.
Tom snickered as he pulled out of the driveway. “You'll get over it, Jenny.
How's Donna doing by the way?”
“Could be worse,” Jensen replied and watched his fingers playing with the hem
of the paper cup.
“Is she still... crying at night?”
Jensen shrugged. “Sometimes,” he muttered and felt a bitter taste creeping up
his throat at the memory of his own desperate tears, soaking his pillow the
night before.
“Is there something I can do? I mean... I just feel so fucking useless since
your dad is gone. I want to help.” Tom's voice sounded gruff and he nearly ran
a red light.
“It's okay, buddy, it'll be fine,” Jensen replied and he felt like a liar to
himself and everyone else. But what else could he do?
The engine made a chugging noise when Tom floored the gas, the silhouette of
the school building quickly becoming clearer in the distance. “I could ask my
mom if we can come over tonight, god knows she's asking me multiple times a day
how Donna is dealing with... things.”
“I don't know,” Jensen shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Dude, that's cryptic,” Tom sighed and slowed the old Toyota down to join the
line of the other cars waiting to pull into the parking lot.
Silence stretched between them and it felt almost uncomfortable. It was a
strange and unfamiliar sensation and Jensen felt helpless at the loss of words,
his mood darkening with every passing second. Until he felt Tom's hand on his
knee.
“I just want to help, dude, I'm here to make your life better, not even worse,”
Tom said and a lopsided smile curled his lips. “We've been friends since you
punched me in the gut twelve years ago because I stole your three wheeler and I
wouldn't change that for the world.”
“You'll never stop giving me crap for that punch, will you?” Jensen huffed out
and his face mirrored the smirk on Tom's lips.
“Never.”
“I was fucking five.”
“But you punched like a six-year-old,” Tom cackled and finally pulled into the
parking lot. “But you know what I mean right?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Just call me when you need me and don't play the hero. You're not alone in
this, your family isn't alone. Your dad is most likely going to prison, I get
that, Jenny, but he's going for the right reasons... kinda.”
Jensen squeezed his eyes shut. “Okay,” he croaked weakly and hoped the
conversation would soon head in another direction. He was grateful for Tom's
offer, but it hurt to call the things by their name, it hurt like a bitch to be
honest, and he was not yet ready to open himself up.
“That's my boy,” Tom uttered and killed the engine before grabbing his stuff
from the back seat. “And now let's get in, we're already late for P.E. and I
can't wait to see Coach Willis heaving his gigantic ass into another pair of
way too tight shorts. Wanna place bets on what color they are this time?”
                                       ♦ 
They turned out to be green. Flashy spring green pants with a hint of yellow
around the hem and Jensen thought he might go blind after looking at them for
more than five seconds.
But other than that, P.E. was a rather pleasant way to start the day. After a
short warm-up they spent the rest of the period playing soccer and Jensen
enjoyed the heat of the moment, the running and kicking, and when the Coach's
whistle ended the game with a piercing kick, Jensen was covered in sweat, his
shirt sticking to his skin and his chest aching with the effort to breathe.
Mr. Willis was none for big words and after a short speech he dismissed the
boys into the locker rooms, leaving their overheated bodies to the cool sprays
of the shower.
“I fucking hate soccer,” Tom stated as they walked out of the gym, the cold air
sending shivers down their spines. Their hair, a dusty blond in Jensen's case
and a dark brown in Tom's, was still wet and the water that trickled out of
their locks turned to ice. Or at least it felt like it.
“That's not exactly news to me, not since you decided to share your secrets
with me. Repeatedly. Many, many times in a row. Every single day of our lives,
whether I want to listen or not,” Jensen replied and watched his friend flip
him the bird.
“You're one to talk, Ackles,” Tom whistled, crossing the lawn in wide steps.
“You're just so eager when it comes to soccer because it means we're not
playing basketball and everyone knows you suck at that.”
“Shut up, asshole, I'm so eager because I think at least one of us should know
how to do a bicycle kick.”
“Yeah? What for?”
Jensen shrugged. “Science?” he suggested and even to himself he sounded just a
wee bit convinced.
“Yeah, right, Professor Doctor Ackles, for science.” Tom repeated and pushed
the doors to the school open, his eyes glistening with mischievousness.
Jensen gasped as he stepped into the sudden warmth of the building, his body
embracing the muggy air and shuddering with pleasure as it chased away the
cold.
They were halfway to their classroom as they witnessed what looked like a
Mexican stand-off in the middle of a school hallway, two familiar faces in the
middle of the events.
“Look what we have here,” a tall blond hollered as he crossed his arms in front
of his chest, the look on his face cold and calculating. “Jeffrey, the king of
dumbasses, accompanied by his usual partner in crime.”
“Piss off, Pace,” Katie grunted and lifted her chin, facing the boy in front of
her with a reckless gaze. Her whole body was taut, tension firmly set into her
muscles, and she looked more than ever like a predator ready to ravish her
prey.
“Shit,” Tom murmured next to Jensen as he pushed several bystanders away,
forming a channel through the masses and stepping between the staring rivals.
“Guys, calm down, it's not worth the trouble,” he said in an attempt to handle
the feud. But it was too late; the air already tasted like trouble and
testosterone and Jensen swallowed the thick mix as he shoved himself up next to
Jeffrey.
“And look who's here to support the king! It's the idiot division! Aww, guys,
ain't he cute?” Justin leered and a cruel smile played around his lips. “How's
life, Ackles? How's Daddy doing?”
Jensen felt a wave of nausea wash over him and rage, blinding white and burning
hot, bolted through his veins. He was so close to surging forward and launch
himself against the snickering, blond douchebag when he felt Jeffrey's hand on
his shoulder.
“Don't,” he warned, squeezing Jensen's muscles lightly. “Tom is right; Hartley
isn't worth the trouble.”
“Now what?” Justin continued and grinned confidently into the group of pupils
that surrounded them. “Are you going to back off because Ackles' moron of a
father shot his neighbor? No really, this is fucking lame. I should've known
better.”
Jensen saw red.
And not even the reassuring grip of his friend could have deterred him from
punching that arrogant bastard right in his beautiful face if it hadn't been
for Genevieve and Danneel, who suddenly jumped into the middle of the events
and took control over things. And while Danneel and Tom, both with stern looks
on their faces, were busy pushing and shoving their friends towards the
lockers, Genevieve started arguing with Justin and his entourage, dealing with
them in the same manner she would deal with a bunch of annoying kids.
But Jensen was still livid, his heart racing in his chest, the thrumming beat
drowning every other noise. He didn't listen to his friends, didn't look into
their faces, didn't gave a single fuck of what was going on around him while
his eyes were still fixed on Hartley's flawless face. The face he so badly
wanted to ruin, the face that deserved to be turned into a bloody mess, bones
shattered and skin ripped apart until the smug grin was wiped off the shredded
features for good.
“Jensen, are you even listening?” Tom complained and his arms flailed wide,
gesticulating in front of Jensen's face. “Hello? Ground control to Jensen, are
you still online?”
Jensen shook his head, finally able to pry his eyes off the still smirking face
and concentrate on his friend. “Yeah, I'm... I'm fine,” he mumbled and felt his
stomach twisting when he spotted another familiar face amidst the masses.
“Hey guys, what happened?” Jared greeted and his eyes were wide with concern,
his brows furrowed.
Jeffrey and Danneel, who were still busy talking to Katie, trying to convince
her that “a good old punch in the guts” wouldn't make Hartley less of an
asshole, gave the newcomer a short wave and Tom shot him a small smile.
“Nothing, it was just Justin. He's a bit of a dick and likes to put others down
in order to make himself feel better,” Tom explained, his eyes never leaving
Jensen's face as if the blond would snap any moment and pull out a weapon.Like
his father did.
“Bummer,” Jared said and turned away to watch Genevieve talk to the tall
brunette and his friends. “Who are the others?”
“The one on the right is Mike Rosenbaum; he's a douche, too, but he has his
good side. The girl is Alaina, cheerleader, and so out of our league.”
Jared shrugged. “She's not my type anyway,” he stated matter-of-factly and
turned to face the friends again, his eyes resting on Jensen, taking in the
tanned skin and the sheen of sticky sweat on his forehead.
“Genevieve is good at arguing, she's the head of the debate club and her dad
has business with Hartley's parents. That's why Justin actually listens to
her,” Tom continued and finally let go of Jensen, his hands leaving the blonds
shoulders where he had him pinned against the lockers in order to keep him away
from their rivals.
“Sounds like a sturdy feud you've gotten yourself into,” Jared concluded and
shook his head.
Tom nodded. “I um, I'm gonna go and check if I can help Genevieve, can you stay
here and... just for a moment?”
“Sure,” Jared shrugged and watched Tom stroll away before stepping a little
closer to Jensen, his gaze lowering into the smaller boy's smoldering green
eyes. “Are you alright?”
Jensen took a deep breath and felt himself relax in the presence of the new
guy, his nostrils flaring as he took in the oddly familiar scent of sweets,
smoke and aftershave. Jared was towering over him, his back broad and his jaw
set and for a split second his tall form shielded Jensen from the hectic events
in the hallway, locking out noise and anger, and Jensen sighed quietly.
“Yes, thanks, I'm alright,” he mumbled, his face open, unguarded, his eyes wide
and tension slowly bleeding out of his strained muscles. “It's okay, I'm just-”
“Tired of the guy's shit?” Jared cut in and a thin smile stretched his lips,
his hair falling into his face when he ducked his head.
Jensen nodded and unclenched his fists. “Exactly.”
“I can punch him for you if you want me to,” the Texan boy offered.
“No, it's fine, really.”
“I thought because you couldn't do it-” Jared pointed his chin towards Tom and
Genevieve- “I could do it, instead. There's no one here to hold me back.”
“I didn't want to... I wasn't going to-”
“Oh yes you were, I could see it on your face. I can still see it.”
Jensen's eyes widened and all of a sudden he was painfully aware of how close
Jared was, the tip of their boots almost touching, Jared's arm braced against
the locker next to Jensen.
“Fine, I wanted to punch him. Satisfied now?”
Jared's smile was blinding, his voice soft and warm and when his breath blew
over Jensen's cheeks it felt like the ghost of a kiss. “For now,” he cooed and
pushed himself off the locker and out of Jensen's personal space.
“Gotta go, P.E. is next on my schedule and I need a coffee before I start
torturing my body with sports. Will you be okay?”
Jensen caught himself chasing the boy's scent and he had a hard time keeping
himself from leaning in, his mind still hazy with the feeling of warmth and
closeness. “Yeah, sure, I'm fine,” he stuttered and clutched the straps of his
backpack.
Jared's smile, if possible, deepened. “Alright, see you later, Jensen.” And
with that he left the blond boy to himself and his spinning mind, alone with
his thoughts and the longing that formed inside his chest.
                                       ♦ 
Like on every other Friday, school ended early that day and Jensen was both
eased and terrified of the upcoming weekend.
“So, you're not coming tomorrow?” Tom asked as they strolled out of the large
school building, surrounded by a bunch of chanting freshman.
Jensen snapped out from where he was buried in thought and glanced at his
friend. “Tomorrow?” he repeated, dumbfounded, and watched a few kids getting
settled in the middle of the lawn, unpacking their stuff to do homework
together.
“The sleep over at Danneel's tomorrow? Ring a bell?” Tom reminded him and waved
Jeffrey and Genevieve over.
“Yeah, about that,” Jensen grunted and scrubbed his palm across his face
awkwardly. “I'm busy, Mom wants me to mow the lawn and play the baby sitter for
Mackenzie and-”
“It's okay, buddy, you don't have to justify yourself. Not to me,” Tom cut in
and he shot his friend a reassuring smile.
“I'm not... justifying, I'm just trying to... whatever. Hey, there's my ride,
gotta go. See you on Monday?”
Tom blinked in surprise at the green Audi in the parking lot, but didn't say a
word about the pale woman leaning against the driver's door. “Sure, mate, see
you. Take care.” He waved Donna hello before giving Jensen a short hug. “Call
me if you need some distraction. I'd be over in a minute.”
Jensen only nodded in reply, barely managing not to flinch at the sudden
contact, and left without looking back, knowing one thing for certain: the
afternoon was going to be horrible.
                                       ♦ 
Jensen was proven correct after all.
He had spent the afternoon caged in a small room, stuffed with all sorts of
important looking books, dying houseplants and a man with gray hair and the
tiniest pair of glasses the world has ever seen on his nose. The air had tasted
like centuries old dust and sour sweat and Jensen had a hard time forcing the
bile that rose in his throat back into his empty stomach.
He had asked for coffee, but didn't get one.
He had asked for a break, but didn't get one.
He was asked about his life, but didn't give a shit.
And when he stumbled out of the room, head spinning and mind numb from all the
questions and the bored looks the psychologist had shot him, he felt like
someone had crushed his bones and sucked the soul out of his chest. Nothing
compared to the hollow feeling inside his aching body and back home he tumbled
into bed, his clothes still clinging to his skin, red rimmed eyes falling shut
within seconds.
                                       ♦ 
Jensen slept in late on Saturday and Donna let him. She was busy doing the
dishes when Jensen climbed down the stairs, hair tousled and body still heavy
with slumber.
“Hey sleepyhead,” she greeted and Jensen noticed the gray circles under her
eyes had become, if possible, even darker over night. “How are you?”
“Fine,” Jensen mumbled and poured himself a coffee, most likely decaf, before
he settled on one of the stools in front of the counter. “Where's Mackenzie?”
“With your grandparents.”
“Again?”
“I needed some time off,” Donna replied and she pushed a plate with cookie
towards her eldest son. “She's gonna be back on Monday.”
Jensen sighed. “Are you gonna do groceries today? Fridge is empty.”
“About that: could you do it for me, darling? I don't feel well today; I think
I'm getting a cold.”
“What? Mom, come on,” Jensen's voice was exaggerated now, his brows furrowed.
“I have to take care of the lawn, remember? I have to walk the dog and clean
the pool and I have a shit ton of homework waiting for me in my room, I can't
do everything.”
Donna flinched, her face falling. “For me?” she peeped and Jensen was suddenly
made aware of how much she had changed. He sighed.
“Okay,” he replied flatly and slumped down, his head already starting to pound
again.
“Thanks honey, you're a good boy.” Donna placed the last mug on the shelf and
headed towards the door. “I'm gonna be upstairs if you need me.”
“Sleep tight, mom,” Jensen murmured and almost pushed his mother away in
annoyance when she patted him on the cheek in passing, feeling bad for not
wanting her affection afterward. His mom was right: he was a good boy and he
had to be strong for his family. He was the dadnow and if that meant having to
deal with all sorts of work inside and around the house, fine- he wouldn't
complain. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.
                                       ♦ 
It took Jensen the whole day to carry out his list. He had decided to do
groceries first and had to deal with a overeager cashier who not only tried to
flirt with him, but also managed to add fifty bucks extra to his bill, which
meant he was obligated to return to the supermarket half an hour later and to
wait for another twenty minutes until he could leave again, fifty dollars in
his pocket but still feeling like someone had stolen something from him.
Next thing was cleaning the pool, a thankless task, especially since Oscar had
decided to help by jumping in and out of the water repeatedly, splashing and
spraying the cold wetness everywhere and soaking Jensen thoroughly. At some
point Jensen not even tried to stop the giant dog anymore; he just endured the
showers of cold raining down on him until he had finally finished his task
after two long hours.
“You're a giant pain in the ass, Os,” Jensen had snarled, patting the dog's wet
head, before he had dragged the lawn mower out of the shed and went to
business, the warm touch of the early fall sun on his face.
His mother had greeted him in the living room when he returned to the house,
clothes still damp from the cold pool water, his face sprinkled with shredded
pieces of grass. She had seemed to be a little less strained, her face almost
rosy as she handed her son a bottle of water and a sandwich while stretching
out her plans in front of Jensen. Bonnie, Tom's mom, had called and insisted
she be allowed to come over for dinner and Donna felt more than thrilled to
meet her friend.
“But you should get into the shower before dinner, hun, you smell like wet dog
and motor oil,” she had said, her nose wrinkled in distaste, before she had
left her eldest to himself, busying herself in the kitchen to hopefully put
together something nice and tasty.
                                       ♦ 
Jensen didn't stay for dinner. After a long, hot shower and another rather
delicious sandwich he decided to use the last golden light of the day to take
Os for a walk. If one thing was for certain, it was that his mom was in good
hands for the evening- good and loving hands. Bonnie had been a friend of the
family for decades and her honest smile and good-natured sense of humor was
always a light in the dark. Plus she was a caretaker and not an idiot; she
wouldn't let Donna fool her by saying she was okay, which Jensen's mom
definitely wasn't. It was a relief to see her standing in the doorway when
Jensen bolted down the stairs, his oldest hoodie fitting loosely around his
lean body.
“Hello sweetheart,” Bonnie greeted and dragged the boy into a bone-crushing
hug, her warm face nuzzling Jensen's neck. “It's good to see you.”
“Good to see you, too, aunt Bonnie,” Jensen replied honestly, his lips
stretching into a smile when he heard the familiar Texan accent underneath the
American drawl.
Bonnie snorted. “How many times do I have to tell you to get rid of the
'aunt'?” she teased and let go of the boy, watching him lacing his heavy combat
boots.
“At least one more time, old girl,” Jensen replied, mischief glistening in his
green eyes, and he shot the woman another crooked grin.
“As naughty as I remember you” Bonnie scolded, laughing, and turned to face
Donna. “You should consider making that little brat wearing a muzzle. He's
going to get his ass flayed sooner or later, otherwise.”
Donna laughed and Jensen felt himself tearing up at the sound of her voice, no
traces of grief and bitterness in it for once.
“I'll think about it,” she replied, still laughing, and Jensen had to swallow
the lump that formed in the back of his throat.
“Better get outta here,” he mumbled and grabbed the dog's leash from the
wardrobe. “I'll be back by 10pm, don't you worry, Mom.” And without waiting for
a proper reply he left the house through the backdoor, his chest constricting,
the corners of his eyes streaked with moisture.
***** Chapter 4 *****
There was still a hint of warmth lingering in the evening air when Jensen
sucked in a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of pollen and wild honey. The
streets and the park were nearly abandoned, the quiet only disturbed by a bunch
of kids playing soccer on the soft up and down of the meadows.
Knowing that Os wouldn't show any interest in the rolling ball, Jensen unhooked
the leash and freed the giant Golden Doodle, watching him frolick across the
lawn for a while, sticking his wet nose in every hole possible and wiggling his
tail at the chirping birds flying over his head.
Jensen took his time relishing the moment. Lost in thought, his eyes never
leaving the dog, he felt himself relax, tension bleeding out of his body and
his fluttering nerves calming down at the sight of green lawns and big, old
trees, the feeling of a soft breeze mussing his hair and solid and warm earth
under his soles. It was a familiar sensation and finally, after what felt like
centuries, the tight knot in his chest seemed to loosen itself a little bit,
allowing him to take a bite of the richness that surrounded him.
He searched his pockets for the little bag of green he had tucked safely inside
the fabric and whistled low in his throat to make sure Oscar was trailing after
him, before he kicked off his shoes and socks and strolled barefoot towards the
more secluded parts of the park-- the ones he loved the most.
There was a hidden place close to the old railway bridge from where you could
sit and watch almost the whole park. It was overgrown with blackberries and
hidden from curious looks, like a green cavern, a place to find peace in the
hectic chaos of the world. Jensen used to play knight and prince with Tom and
Katie here and it felt oddly familiar to sit down cross-legged on the mossy
ground again, fumbling for tobacco, weed and lighter all at once. Os was busy
sniffing around what could possibly be a foxhole until he flopped down next to
Jensen, yawning.
“Already done acting like a dog, you lazy shit?” the boy mumbled while putting
together his joint, smoothing tobacco on the paper and seasoning it with the
rest of Danneel's last harvest. “Shouldn't you run around and bark at the
squirrels and chase mice instead of laying next to me and watching the sun go
down?”
Oscar made a disapproving noise, something between a grunt and a sneeze, and
rolled on his back, his eyes half-lidded and his wet nose brushing the boy's
thigh.
Jensen brought the joint to his lips and poked his tongue out, wetting the
paper thoroughly before he finished his work with rolling the blunt between his
thumb and index finger, smoothing the tobacco under the thin paper until he was
satisfied with the outcome. “Gosh, you really are the laziest dog in all of
America, aren't you?” he muttered and let his eyes roam over the park. It was
eerily quiet here and the sun was about to dip into the horizon any moment,
turning the sky into an ocean of fire and liquid gold.
Jensen lit his joint with a few deep drags and leaned back, supporting himself
on his elbows, as he watched the silver smoke spilling past his lips, spiraling
upwards and dissolving into nothingness. It was a soothing sight, curls of
light gray floating through the air like ghosts, and Jensen let himself get
carried away, thinking about nothing but the familiar warmth spreading in his
chest and the lightness that formed in the back of his head. And for the first
time in weeks he felt the leaden weight dropping from his shoulders and his
body finally free from sorrow and despair.
He had gone halfway through his joint, his body already pleasantly heavy from
the deep, long drags he had taken from the strong weed and tobacco mix, when he
spotted him in the distance, a tiny black spot in the middle of the lawn, not
far from the fountain, a mess of chestnut hair and ripped jeans in the
distance.
Jensen sighed and felt the smoke stick in his lungs, causing him to break into
a full-blown coughing fit, his body trembling and his chest heaving under the
force.
“Goddamn,” he cursed as soon as he regained his composure enough to speak, his
fingers still shaking, patches of damp earth and cold ashes sputtering his
pants from rolling around in the dirt. “What is he doing here?”
Oscar didn't even bother to answer, just perked up a bit and shot his owner a
somewhat quizzical look. Jensen sighed again.
“Why am I even bothering to talk to you, Mr. Lazy-pants, you're no help
whatsoever, are you?” The boy nudged his dog's giant body with his knee, gave
him a playful shove and patted his head before he returned his attention to the
smoldering joint in his hand and the dark spot on the lawn.
Jared sat cross-legged, his back facing the blond, a perfect image of Jensen's
position, their bodies in sync. His long, slender neck was slightly craned, his
head tilted to forward as if to read or study something that lay in his lap. He
was wearing a flannel and the fabric hung loose around his lean body, his pants
riding low on his hips and as much as Jensen tried to be annoyed or repelled by
his sudden presence, he felt himself drawn to the boy.
And that was why he urged himself to his feet after stubbing out his joint on
the ground, his body swaying unsteadily like a blade of fresh grass in the cool
breeze. He took some uncertain steps forward, convincing himself that he was
capable of walking on two legs, and whistled for Oscar. His shoes, socks, the
leash and his lighter were left in the grass when he abandoned his hiding place
in favor of crossing the lawn towards Jared, leaving a trail of flattened grass
and footsteps in his wake.
“Hey Texan Terminator,” Jensen greeted and dropped his body next to Jared's
without giving it a second thought, startling the boy.
“Hey... Jensen?” Jared replied and it took him another three or four seconds to
return to his usual self, lips curling into a bright smile, arms circling
Oscar's neck and giving him a squeeze before letting go of the dog again.
“How come you're hanging around in my hood?”
Jared watched Jensen for a split second, dumbstruck, then barked out a laugh
until the corner of his eyes crinkled with it. He dropped the sketchbook he was
holding in his lap, his shaggy bangs bobbing under the force of the laughter
that bubbled in his chest. “Terminator? Hood? What's the matter with you, dude?
Are you drunk?”
Jensen scowled. “Not exactly,” he mumbled and he felt the tip of his ears turn
pink and warm.
“Are you- wait, let me...”
Jared was suddenly very close, his lean body crowding into Jensen's space as he
sniffed along the blond's neck and jaw. “Are you high?” Jared whispered
conspiratorially after he had taken a few deep inhales, his vibrant hazel eyes
boring into Jensen's sparkling emeralds.
Jensen shrugged. “Might be. Could be.”
“Whoa there, mysterious stranger, you can speak in riddles all you want but I
can tell from your blown pupils that you either had a joint-” the Texan cut
himself off to shoot his counterpart a saucy wink, not even bothering to pull
back again- “or a fuck.”
Jensen almost choked on his own spit as he listened to the words that slipped
past Jared's lips -those damngorgeous, perfectly shaped, full and luscious
lips- and instinctively leaned back in an attempt to get away from the knowing
look on the tall boy's face and the beckoning scent he was spreading.
“Dude, really?” Jensen croaked, his voice high-pitched and not as cool and
easygoing as he remembered it. “Sniffing people? What are you, a dog or
something?”
“Stop trying to change the subject, I was just pointing out the obvious.”
“Well, good for you, Sherlock Holmes. Are you done now? Or do you want to do a
full body examination, too?”
Jared's smirk turned wicked. “If you insist. I'd totally do it,” he drawled and
his voice was gruff, his breath a warm, chaste kiss on Jensen's cheeks and jaw,
causing the blond to tremble.
“Asshole,” Jensen huffed out and rolled his eyes, shoving Jared away and
crossing his legs, fumbling for the joint in the depths of his pockets. “You
want a lungful?”
Jared let himself be pushed away and cocked his head, squinting at Jensen.
“Homemade?”
“Danneel's harvest.”
The brunette shrugged, pulling a lighter out of his jeans and offering it to
Jensen. “Why not, haven't had a good smoke in weeks,” Together they re-lit the
blunt in comfortable silence, their knees barely touching when Jensen handed
Jared the smoldering joint after he had taken a few, deep drags himself.
It was Jensen who eventually spoke up. “So, what are you doing here?”
“Drawing.” Jared shrugged. “Needed some fresh air, something that would put me
into another head space.”
“Still not used to the city?”
“No,” Jared pouted and took another deep drag from the joint between his
fingers before wetting his fingertip and smearing the smoldering tip of the
blunt with his spit. “It's loud and messy and narrow. Can't concentrate when
everything tastes like concrete and trash and burnt gas.”
Jensen unfolded his legs and buried his bare toes in the soil under his feet,
twisting a few blades of grass around his soles. “Concentrate on what?”
“Drawing, playing guitar, eating, shitting- anything,” Jared grunted and
watched the blond's bare feet, a smirk playing around his lips.
“Dude, you can't take a dump when you're at home? That's what you came here
for? Shitting?”
This time Jared didn't hesitate to burst out in laughter, his whole body
shaking, his knee trembling against Jensen's. “No, you dork,” he huffed out
between guffawing, his cheeks flushing red as he gasped for air. “I didn't shit
in the bushes if that what you wanted to ask.”
Jensen watched him laugh, joy bubbling in his own chest, chasing away the last
traces of sorrow and grief. “Well, that's a relief.”
“I just... I can't concentrate on anything when I'm locked up inside that tiny
apartment,” Jared explained as soon as he was able to form whole sentences
again. “I feel like a caged animal.”
Jensen nodded, his lips still quirking with a smile. “I can relate to that,” he
said unintentionally and bit his tongue afterward. Where the hell did that come
from?
“So I came here to draw and have some time off. Do I have permission or do I
need to fill a special form to hang around in your hood?”
“Depends,” Jensen replied, grateful that Jared chose to ignore his cryptic
comment.
“On what?”
“Are you planning to do anything criminal? Because I won't let it happen, not
under my watch.”
Jared snickered. “What now, you're Batman?”
“What's with the derisive undertone, dude? Do you doubt my skills?”
“No, not at all, you nerd. I guess I just imagined Batman a little... taller.”
Jensen snorted and shot Jared a murderous look, his brows furrowed in utter
disapproval. “Take it back, miscreant, or I'm gonna unleash my mighty Battle
Cat on you.” He pointed at Oscar, who rolled around in the grass lazily,
blinking when Jensen spoke in his direction.
“Alright Mr. Bossy-pants, I'll take it back. Forget what I said. But I'm afraid
I have to inform you, that Os is a dog and Battle Cat belongs to He-Man, not
Batman.”
“Who's the nerd now, huh?” Jensen uttered and took a drag from the joint before
he handed it to Jared, a longing look in his eyes. They shared a laugh and
Jared finished the blunt by taking a last lungful and flipping the butt across
the lawn afterward.
“And what are you doing here? Other than being on the watch, of course.”
Now it was Jensen's turn to shrug and explain. “I had... a bit of a shitty day
and needed some place to relax,” he admitted and was almost startled by how
good it felt and how easy it was to talk to someone.
“Sorry you had a bad day,” Jared replied and flopped back into the grass,
stretching his lithe body and Jensen couldn't help but notice the flannel
riding up Jared's belly, revealing a streak of soft, golden skin.
“S'okay,” Jensen slurred and tried to drag his eyes away from the tantalizing
sight, the way a trail of dark hair crowned Jared's belly button, curling south
and leading the eyes of the observant into deeper regions. Or the way his
slightly toned abs bunched with every inhale, the fine muscles rippling beneath
the warm skin. Jensen sighed.
“It's okay, really. I'm used to it,” he said and this time didn't even care
about saying too much, revealing himself to the other boy. Jensen felt good in
Jared's presence, like the clouds weren't so thick when he was close, and if he
wanted to stay a while longer and enjoy the soothing comfort, who would stop
him? There was no one except himself to keep him from taking what he needed-
- and right now he decided that he needed Jared.
“No one should be used to having bad days, Jensen,” Jared stated matter-of-
factly, and he wriggled some more next to Jensen in an attempt to get
comfortable on the bumpy lawn. “Everyone deserves happiness and some time off.
Everyone.”
“Yeah, but apparently my family thinks otherwise.”
Jared's fingers found their way to the hem of Jensen's old sweater and curled
around it, tugging slightly until the blond boy followed Jared and lay down
into the cool bed of grass. “Maybe they're just putting so much on you because
they know how much of a fighter you are?”
“Yeah? How would you know?”
“I don't,” Jared turned his head to face Jensen, their eyes locking for a
moment of intimate closeness. “It was just a lucky guess.”
Jensen stayed silent at that and watched the clouds floating by instead. They
were fluffy and the last rays of golden sunlight colored them orange and pink
around the edges. The sky was still blue, almost indigo, and a couple of tiny,
silver birds frolicked above their heads, tweeting and chirping in the most
lovely manner.
“You, um... you wanna talk about it?” Jared eventually asked and for the first
time his voice didn't sound as confident.
Jensen shook his head. “Not today,” he mumbled and involuntarily pushed a
little closer to Jared, relishing the heat his body provided. He wriggled and
squirmed until their feet touched, bare skin against muddy fabric of worn-thin
Converse, their shoulders nudging each other gently.
“What do you want to talk about instead?” Jared asked, eyes roaming across the
clear evening sky, too, his body not moving an inch when he felt Jensen
shuffling closer.
“Tell me about you.”
“Well, there's not much to talk about. I'm Texan, we're all the same.”
“Cry babies?” Jensen suggested and threaded his fingers together in front of
his chest as he lay in utter peace with himself and the world for once.
Jared snorted. “Who told you that?”
“No one, it's common knowledge. Besides you forget that my best friend is
Texan, too.”
“Have you seen him cry a lot?”
“Are you kidding? I could fill my swimming pool twice with the tears just from
last year.”
Jared made an odd noise and pouted, his eyes fluttering shut the moment Jensen
glanced over. “Do you cry a lot?”
Jensen was startled by the question and he pried his eyes away from Jared's
face and the way his long, curved lashes brushed his skin lightly like smudges
of dark coal against his cheeks.
“None of your business,” he scoffed and suddenly felt the urge to run away
again, though his chest tightened at the thought. Jared had a way of looking
right through him and drawing secrets from him that scared Jensen to his bones,
made him weak and vulnerable-- and he didn't want to be either of those things.
He simply couldn't afford it. Sitting up, he was about to stand when he felt
warm fingers circling his wrist, holding him in place.
“I'm sorry, Jensen, I wasn't... I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to piss you
off,” The tall boy pleaded, voice rueful, and fingers so soft and alluring that
Jensen let go of his plans, led by Jared's reassuring grip and the dulcet sound
of his voice. “Please don't go, Jensen, don't go and leave me behind.”
Jensen flopped down again, this time on his side, facing Jared and studying his
face, taking in the worried, almost sheepish look in his astonishing eyes.
“Fine,” he said flatly and bent his knees, slumping into himself a little. He
felt cold now, the ground too uncomfortable to give him satisfaction anymore,
the cool breeze suddenly like an icy touch. “'M gonna stay a little longer.”
“Thanks, Jensen, I just... it wasn't my place to ask. I know you've gone
through a lot.”
“Yeah? Whatdo you know?”
“Not much, just that you're having a hard time right now.” Jared shrugged, his
fingers still lingering on Jensen's skin, his thumb slowly rubbing soothing
circles into the boy's wrist. “You seem strained and tired all the time, like
something happened that made your nerves wear thin. You're scared of someone
coming near you because you expect it to hurt, that's all I see and I don't
know if I'm wrong but...” he trailed off and let his head fall back.
Jensen hesitated for a few seconds while considering his words thoroughly. “Y-
You're not wrong,” he mumbled as he watched Jared's thumb tracing patterns on
his wrist, trailing up to his open palm and finally finding some rest there.
“But it's more difficult than you think. I'm... I'm not the one who...” Jensen
sighed, a long, deep-drawn sound which caused Jared to look up.
“It's more difficult because you're not the one who fucked things up,” the boy
whispered, his face for once lacking the usual smile. “You're just the one who
has to pick up the pieces.”
Jensen didn't know if he wanted to run away or curl into a ball and start
crying like he did the night before, but luckily he didn't have to make a
choice. Jared did it for him, placing his hands on Jensen's shoulders and
slowly, hesitantly, pulling him into a warm embrace.
And Jensen didn't resist. Every inch of his body turned soft the moment he felt
Jared's finger trailing down his back, and his nostrils flared as he buried his
face into soft, silken chestnut hair. He didn't hug back, his arms never
leaving his sides, but he leaned into the hesitant touch, inhaled smoke and
sweet stickiness and coffee and nuzzled the shoulder Jared lent him to lean on
for a while.
They stayed like that for several minutes, Jensen safely tucked into the warmth
of Jared's arms, hid from the world, his mind numb from smoking and talking and
feeling torn between running as fast as he could and staying forever in the
arms of a boy he only had met a few days ago. But since he couldn't find the
courage to make a decision, he waited, his thoughts reeling and his body
perfectly still while laying flush against Jared's.
When they separated again both of their cheeks were flushed in a pretty shade
of light pink, their hair slightly mussed and peppered with dry leaves and
blades of grass. Jensen rolled over, but kept his fingers entangled in Jared's
hair, feeling, stroking and slightly tugging the smooth strands occasionally
while looking anywhere but his counterpart.
When Jensen finally dared to glance at Jared, he found him smiling, his face
open and beautiful and his lips parted, showing a row of a white teeth and a
pink tongue. “God, I'm wasted,” Jared muttered and intently watched Jensen play
with his mane. “That was one hell of a joint, right?”
Jensen nodded, incredibly grateful for the boy's change of subject. “Danneel
grooms her plants like they're her babies. It's disturbing, but the outcome is
pretty fucking awesome.”
“Mhhh,” Jared agreed and supported his head on his arm, scanning the
surroundings for a moment. It had gotten dark, shadows growing large under the
trees and hiding the last birds that chirped into the peaceful evening. The
kids on the lawn had gone, there were no joggers around anymore and the park
was all but empty except from the boys in the grass and their giant, lazy dog,
snoring at their feet.
“You know what would be really awesome right now?” Jensen asked into the
silence as his fingers stilled in Jared's hair, the tips grazing the sensitive
shell of the boy's ear tentatively.
“A beer?” Jared suggested.
“No, sour dough toast with bacon and cheese and one pickle.”
“One pickle?”
“Yeah, just one. Sliced. And with a tiny wee bit mustard.”
Oscar blinked an eye open and nudged Jensen's calf lazily, whining low in his
throat. Jensen chuckled. “And a marshmallow.”
“A marshmallow?”
“On top.”
Jared's face scrunched into a grimace. “You have a weird taste in food, dude.
But my Granny already warned me your poor choices concerning food up here.”
Jensen gave the soft strands under his fingers a sharp tug. “Shut it, dork, I'm
a gourmet chef.” His lips curled into a smile when he heard the Texan hiss.
“I'm sure you are. Big brother, Batman and gourmet chef. No biggie, right?”
Jensen rolled his eyes a little more enthusiastically than strictly necessary
and finally let go of the smooth strands under his fingers, stretching the
moment by picking a few little leaves out of the chestnut mane, making it last.
“I, um... It's late, I better be off.”
Jared pouted and looked more than ever like a defiant child. “What about
tomorrow?”
“Sorry, Sunday is family day,” Jensen replied and felt the familiar wave of
nausea washing over him, pulling him under and nearly drowning him.
“Then Monday? At lunch?”
Jensen sighed dramatically. “You’re never gonna give up, are you?”
“Nope, never. It's a Texas thing.”
“You mean like being tall?”
Jared's eyebrows wandered upwards. “What? I don't-”
“Never mind,” Jensen cut in and pushed himself to his feet, searching for his
shoes and socks and moaning at the memory of where he had left them.
“So Monday?”
“God, you really are a pain in the ass, dude.”
“Is that a yes?”
“Yes, it is a yes,” Jensen snarled with mock ferocity and watched Jared get up,
too, swatting grass and dirt from his clothing and gathering up his stuff.
“Fine, it's a date then.”
“Whatever.”
“Don't be late, I'm very uptight when it comes to my dates,” Jared stated and
shot him a crooked smile.
“Get lost, idiot,”
“See you on Monday Jensen, don't miss me too much.”
Jensen couldn't help but return the bright smile, his heart fluttering in his
chest as he waved the boy good-bye. “Not going to happen,” he yelled as he
urged the dog to his feet. “See you.”
And with that their paths separated, Jared strolling towards the exit of the
park, arms clutching the sketchbook and pen, and Jensen trailing back to his
little hideout, his giant puppy on his heels.
***** Chapter 5 *****
After a particular long and boring Sunday, Monday couldn't come soon enough.
For Jensen it started with a long, hot shower and a thorough inspection of his
body in front of the mirror. He wasn't exactly displeased with what he saw:
dusty blond hair sticking from his head, a soft nose with a few golden freckles
scattered across the bridge, bottle green eyes and soft pink lips on top of a
slender neck and a flat chest. But there was nothing special about his body;
his waist was too narrow, his thighs too skinny and he thought his limbs were
gangly. Jensen sighed and let his eyes rake to his crotch, the soft, blond
curls there, trailing north towards his belly button and cresting the navel in
a bed of soft hair. He had changed so much during the summer, not only his body
but his whole personality, and sometimes it scared him to death. He didn't feel
like a boy anymore, but a grown man, a fucking adult with many more
responsibilities than he could handle.
Jensen ended his inspection and morning rituals such as brushing his teeth and
trying to tame his unruly hair before his mom called from downstairs. He even
managed to get dressed and ready to leave without being reminded by Donna of
how late he already was.
“Morning, sleepyhead,” she mumbled when her son stepped into the kitchen, his
hands clutching the frayed backpack and his eyes squinting against the blinding
morning sun.
“Mhhh,” Jensen grunted back and poured himself a large cup of steaming hot
coffee before he hopped on the counter next to his mom. Donna looked tired even
though she'd spent the whole Sunday lying on the sofa doing nothing but
flipping through the channels and complaining about every fucking show in the
universe. The circles under her eyes were dark and prominent and Jensen felt
his optimism falter at the sight.
“I'm gonna call your granddad today,” Donna began and leaned back against the
table, her fingers clinging to the mug she was holding.
Jensen's brows furrowed. “What for?”
“Mackenzie is going to stay with them a while longer. It's for the better.”
“Are you serious, Mom?”
Donna flinched at her son's harsh words as she took in his set jaw and the
clear signs of disapproval showing on his face. “I'm not good at taking care of
her right now and she needs a steady environment, you know that.”
“That's bullshit,” Jensen hissed and slammed his mug on the counter next to
him, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“Excuse me, young man? Watch your mouth, it's your mother you're talking to,”
Donna yelled, her voice agitated, and she pressed her lips together in a thin
line.
Jensen ground his teeth. “Sorry.”
“I'm just trying to do my best and make the right decisions, Jensen. It's not
that I don't want your little sister to be around, but I can't keep up with her
right now. I'm not a good mother for-”
“Stop it, Mom” Jensen snorted and slid from the counter, his arms still crossed
when he faced the agitated woman. “I told you that you're not supposed to go
there and I'm holding on to that. I know it's hard for you, keeping up with all
that stuff going around, but believe me when I say it isn't exactly easy for
Mackenzie and me, either.”
Donna shifted uncomfortably on her feet, the look on her face stern. “I know,
Jensen, do you think I haven't noticed-”
“It's okay, Mom,” Jensen cut in. “No need to dive into the details, that's not
the point I'm trying to make anyway. It's just... you keep pushing Mackenzie
away and ask me to go out with my friends while you lock yourself up in your
room, where I can hear you crying through the walls when I come home. I can
hear you, I can see it in your face, hell, I can almost smell it on your
clothes. You haven't seen the sun in forever, you're pale as a ghost. You think
Mackenzie and I are safe when you tuck us away, give us to our grandparents or
one hell of an asshole-psychiatrist. But that's not true mom; you're lying to
yourself. We don't need therapists, we don't need you to win the Mom-of-the-
year award and we certainly don't need you to act as if nothing happened. We
just need a mom, someone we can hold onto when shit gets intense.” Jensen
didn't know where all this was coming from, but the sudden outburst seemed to
lift the weight on his chest, though his throat remained tight and dry, his
body taut as a bowstring.
Donna sobbed. “But I can't, Jensen, I can't do this right now. I can't be a
mother to you and Mackenzie when I'm the wife of a suspected murderer at the
same time.”
“Oh yes, Mom, you can. Remember the times before Dad shot that fucking prick?”
Jensen felt the tension slowly draining out of his rigid body as he stepped
closer to the woman he loved so much. “You were a mom and a wife, a daughter,
an aunt, a sister, a niece and a friend all at once and you didn't even have to
think about it. You just did it, Mom, no big deal.”
Donna shook her head, her blond locks flying everywhere. “'S not the same,” she
slurred and let her son pull her close, his arms circling her bony frame.
“I know,” Jensen replied and gave his mom's body a squeeze, his heart clenching
at the feeling of how skinny she had become over the past four weeks. “But
you're not alone.”
The small woman sobbed a few more times, her face hot against her son's neck,
before she untangled herself from Jensen, wiping the unshed tears off the
corners of her eyes. “You're right,” she mumbled and took a deep inhale.
“Enough of the hiding. I've spent far too many nights crying and quarreling
with my fate.” She hiccupped and Jensen glanced towards the clock, his body
jerking forward in surprise.
“Shit, I'm late,” he shouted and dropped a kiss on his mother's forehead before
stumbling out of the kitchen and into the hallway. “Can I take the car?”
“Is Tom finally tired of playing your personal driver?”
Jensen slipped into his boots as grabbed his coat and the keys of the SUV. “No,
he's coming from Danneel's. Wrote me a message earlier,” he explained and was
down the hallway and at the door within the blink of an eye.
“Okay, honey, take care of that car, you hear me? It's your dad's.”
The boy rolled his eyes. “I know, mom,” he shouted and stepped into the bright
morning light, once again blinded by the glistening sun. “See you later.”
“Later, darling.” And with that Jensen slammed the door shut and stormed
towards the car, his backpack and coat a mess in his arms.
                                       ♦ 
Once the SUV was parked and Jensen settled in the back of a cramped classroom,
the morning proceeded fairly normally. Tom arrived twenty minutes late, hung
over and with a miserable look on his face, and Jensen spent the rest of the
first period throwing pieces of his eraser and balls of crumbled paper at his
friend.
When the school bell finally rang, the look on Tom's face had changed from
miserable to murderous and he was so close, so fucking close, to punching his
best friend right in his smug face. But Jensen just smiled at him and clapped
his back, shooting him a crooked smile. “You're getting old, Tommy,” he stated
while he pushed the two of them through the crowded hallway, Tom stumbling and
tripping over thin air more than once.
“Fuck off, nerd, I'm just really knackered,” Tom grunted and let himself be
dragged towards the next science classroom.
Jensen chuckled. “Didn't I warn you about Danneel's harvest? I told you that
shit is pretty fucking intense, boy.”
“Yeah, thanks mom,” Tom groaned and tumbled into the room, inhaling the sour
stench of chemicals and immediately turning a tad paler. “And it wasn't the
weed that fucked me up; it was the entire half a bottle of vodka I found under
Danneel's bed.”
“Dude, you had the whole of Sunday to recover,” Jensen reminded him and dropped
his backpack on his desk.
Tom shot him a pained smile. “Do I look like I'm recovered?”
Jensen's answer was a pitying squeeze he gave his friend's shoulder and a short
shrug before they seated themselves in the last row, Tom hiding behind Jensen
for the whole period, his face buried in his hands and only talking when
strictly necessary.
                                       ♦ 
Tom passed on lunch in favor of sitting in the sun and inhaling the fresh air.
Jensen decided that it would be a good idea to get his friend a tea and himself
a coffee, and he was surprised when he found Jared waiting for him in front of
the cafeteria.
“Hey Jensen,” he greeted and waved with a brown paper bag in his hand. “Ready
for our date?”
The blond boy blinked in surprise and bit back the smile that tugged on the
corners of his lips, his heart suddenly tripping and running faster in his
chest. Jared's hair, usually an untamable mess of chestnut strands, was tugged
back today, a little ponytail resting on the nape of his neck. “Oh I, um, I'm
afraid I have to say no, but I got a patient waiting for me outside.”
“A patient?” Jared repeated, dumbstruck.
“Tom. He had a bit of a rough weekend and doesn't feel well right now,” Jensen
explained and ordered tea and coffee once it was his turn.
“I don't-”
“He got terribly pissed and now he's doing the Texan,” the blond laughed and
paid for the beverages before grabbing the paper mugs and strolling towards the
exit again, Jared on his heels.
“And with 'doing the Texan' you mean he-”
“Cries a lot, yes.”
“Jerk,” Jared whispered and punched Jensen's shoulder, the cups in the blond's
hands swaying dangerously.
Jensen barked out a short laugh and came to a halt when they reached the door,
warm sunlight streaming through the windows and flickering across Jared's face.
“'M sorry,” he mumbled and stared at a few defiant strands of smooth brown hair
curling behind the brunette's ears. “It's not that I don't want to eat with
you, but I've a really hammered and annoying friend waiting for me and unless
you want-”
“I want to,” Jared cut in and he smiled brightly, his face, the whole hallway
in fact, lighting up with it.
Jensen blinked in surprise. “What?”
“I want to come outside with you and have lunch in the sun,” Jared explained
and pushed the door open, holding it for Jensen to slip out. “Shall we?”
“Y-Yeah,” the blond nodded and stepped outside, leading the way to Tom's
miserable shape buggering around on the lawn.
Once seated, Jensen handed Tom his tea. “You okay, buddy?” he asked without the
mocking undertone and carefully brushed his hand through his friend's hair.
Tom nodded. “'M okay, just let me lie here and close my eyes for a while, okay?
Thanks for the tea.”
“No problem, mate. Let me know if there's something I can do for you, okay?”
Tom shot him a weak smile and rolled to his side after giving Jared a short
wave, his eyes falling shut and his fingers clutching the warm mug.
“I totes get what you mean,” Jared whispered and nudged Jensen's shoulder
gently.
“Huh?”
“He is a bit of a cry baby right now.”
“Told you so, asshole,” Jensen mumbled and took a sip of his coffee, nearly
choking on the hot beverage. “What's in the bag?”
Jared's eyes darted to the brown paper he was holding and his smile became even
wider, his cheeks flushing slightly. “It's for you,” he replied and dropped the
bag in the free space between their legs, his eyes locking with Jensen's.
“For me?” the blond boy repeated in surprise before he reached out for the
present and opened it, his fingers slightly shaking in anticipation. He peered
inside. “You brought me lunch?”
“Get it out, take a look,” Jared urged and shifted on his knees, his bangs
bouncing in excitement.
Jensen did as instructed. “It's a sandwich with-” The expression on his face
turned from quizzical to delighted, his smile suddenly matching the one on
Jared's face, almost competing with it.
“It's sourdough,” the Texan suggested.
“With bacon and cheese.”
“And one pickle. Sliced.”
Jensen felt his heart thrumming against his ribcage and heat pooling in his
belly, a pleasant warmth spreading through his entire body, coloring his cheeks
in the same shade of light pink he witnessed on Jared's face. “I-It's... why?”
Jared pouted. “Because you wanted one.”
“Is this a thing now? I get everything I want?”
“Can you just shut up and eat?”
Jensen hummed contently as his fingers slowly unwrapped the freshly made
sandwich. It looked delicious, all his favorite things stuffed between two
slices of crispy toast, and he felt his mouth watering. “Okay, I'll shut up on
one condition.”
Jared cocked his head and blinked against the blinding light of the sun. “And
that is?”
“We share,” Jensen stated and handed the other boy one half of the sandwich
before he could even protest.
Jared shrugged. “Fair enough,” he replied and licked his lips, his knee gently
resting against Jensen's thigh when he moved closer to sit next to the blond.
They ate in companionable silence, Jensen relishing the taste of the delicious
sandwich, the crispy bacon, the salty cheese and the fresh bread melting on his
tongue, and Jared getting used to the taste of the strange combination. He
chewed thoughtfully, swallowing only after he had munched the foreign food
thoroughly and finally broke the silence.
“It's not as bad as I thought it'd be,” he mumbled around a mouthful of bacon
and pickle.
“Told you so,” Jensen shrugged and took a last bite of his part of the toast
before he finished his lunch with a sip of coffee and a content sigh. “Where
did you get it?”
“Um, I did groceries before school?”
“You got it at a super market? You sure, dude?”
Jared shook his head frantically, a few of his stubborn locks untangling
themselves from his ponytail and falling into his face. “I got the ingredients
there and put it together myself,” he explained and watched in amusement as
Jensen's mouth fell agape.
“The sauce, too?”
“Um yes, I guess,” Jared blushed even more and swallowed the last bite of his
sandwich, the look on his face almost sheepish.
Jensen took another sip of his coffee. “So you went and got groceries before
school, put the sandwich together and even created your own sauce just for...”
his voice trailed off and he blinked, dumbstruck.
“Just for you? Yeah, kinda.” Jared shrugged and dragged his eyes away from the
blond boy, staring at his fingers instead. He wore a washed-out shirt today and
a flannel in dark green and navy on top. His jeans were frayed and worn thin on
the knees, but he filled them out quite well.
“You're unbelievable,” Jensen said after a good minute of silence and tried not
to sound too flattered. Warmth, soothing and surprisingly comfortable, lingered
underneath his skin and he had a hard time calming the fluttering heart that
skipped a few beats in his chest.
“I've been called worse,” Jared replied and risked a look on Jensen's face
before smiling, a small and shy curl around the corners of his full lips. “Did
you like it?”
“It was fantastic,” Jensen admitted and shoved him playfully. “You're one hell
of a chef; I could get used to that.”
“Please don't,” Jared mewled and returned the gentle nudge with his shoulder,
their bodies aligning and pressing flush against each other for a split second
before they parted again, both boys sighing quietly at the loss of warmth.
The fell into silence again and Jensen checked on Tom, who snored in the grass
slumped into himself. It felt good sitting in the sun with Jared, Jensen had to
admit. Damn right and so fucking easy that he almost forgot to worry about his
family and all the shit going on during the last weeks of his life.
He was reminded in a very rude manner when a large shadow fell on his face and
he looked up to find Lauren staring down at him, arms akimbo and the pretty
pink lips slightly pouted.
“Can I talk to you alone?” she peeped without any further introduction and
without deigning to look at Jared.
“Um, now?”
Cate rolled her eyes. “Duh.”
Jensen was tempted to get to his feet and go with Lauren when he became aware
of the warm body next to his again, firm and reassuring-- and he hesitated. “If
you have to say something, you can say it in front of my friends,” he stated
and moved his hand a tiny wee inch closer to Jared's, his eyes fixed on the
tall, brunette girl.
“Fine, I don't care anyway.” Lauren sighed and combed her fingers through her
long mane. “I just wanted to inform you that, given the recent events and
considering the circumstances, I am not going to prom with you.”
Jensen's body went rigid next to Jared. “What?”
“Look, I don't want to make this look ugly, but I'm not going to prom with the
son of a suspected murderer. No offense, Jensen, but that's just ridiculous and
Mike asked me anyway, so I'm going with him.”
The blond boy's mouth fell agape and he made a several attempts to protest
before giving up and shrugging silently, eyes dropping and staring at something
in the distance.
Lauren let go of her hair, clutching the strap of her bag instead. “You're a
nice guy, you know, it's just this whole daddy-thing that-” She turned around
to give a quick wave to the group of friends who were calling for her before
she looked down at Jensen once again. “Maybe next time. See you around, I
guess.” And with a last glance towards the blond she left, joining the bunch of
shouting and laughing people near the fountain.
Jensen's head spun and he could hear the blood rushing through his ears, loud
and hot and angry. His muscles hurt from being taut and strained all the time
and he felt the urge to lose his lunch on the lawn, his stomach clenching
painfully, his guts twisting with every flat inhale. That, right there, that
was it. The cruel reminder of the fact thatnothing was the same and that he
wasn't allowed to be with the 'cool kids' any longer. He didn't give two fucks
about the freaking prom, but being dumped like that hurt like a bitch and
Jensen was close, so close to losing it here and now, right in front of
everyone.
“Are you alright?” Jared whispered and moved slowly next to Jensen, reaching
out for his shoulder to squeeze.
But Jensen was faster, shying away from the touch and scrambling to his feet
within two seconds. “No I am not fucking okay,” he yelled involuntarily and
stomped away without giving it a second thought, heading for the one place that
wasn't crowded with people within the reach of a mile.
He didn't expect Jared to follow, didn't want him to, and was surprised to find
the boy staring at him when he finally stopped in the shadows of the tree line
right behind the gym.
“What do you want?” Jensen hissed and leaned against the solid wall of the
building, his fingers curled into fists as his nails dug painfully into his
palm.
“Talk,” Jared replied softly. “Or listen. Depends.”
“On what?”
“On what you want me to do.”
Jensen snorted and kicked at a pebble on the ground, dispersing dust. “I want
you to fuck off, Jared.” His voice was thick with anger and he spat every word
on the floor like it was poison.
The taller boy shook his head. “Not an option, cupcake,” he said firmly and
stepped closer, stopping right in front of the Jensen. “You shouldn't be alone
like this.”
“Oh come on now, what are you? Jesus?” Jensen groaned and though he knew it was
wrong to push Jared away, to reward his kindness by being such a dick, he
couldn't stop the words that poured out of his mouth. “Get the fuck out of my
face and go find someone else to make sandwiches for.”
“But you're the only one I want to make sandwiches for, Jensen,” Jared replied
bluntly, the look on his face stern and his body slightly strained as his lips
twitched into a thin smile.
Jensen flipped him the bird. “Piss off, asshole,” he mumbled without heat and
suddenly felt tired and defenseless in the light of Jared's goddamn honesty and
the softness lingering in his voice.
“I'm staying.”
It was like fighting a puppy. A fucking stubborn puppy with soft hazel eyes and
cute smooth bangs, with brows furrowed in concentration and a heart too big to
be true. Jensen exhaled slowly.
“Right,” Jared shushed and slowly reached out for Jensen again, his smile
deepening when the blond didn't flinch but stayed exactly where he was, his
body vibrating with anger and his face shadowed with grief. “Breathe, Jensen.
In and out, calm down.”
“I can't,” Jensen croaked and his throat felt sore and raw, his chest once
again so heavy under his breath.
“Just try.”
It got better, it all got better, the moment Jared trailed his fingers gently
up Jensen's arm, his touch soothing and calming when his hand finally came to
rest on the blond's shoulder, the warm palm slowly rubbing circles into
Jensen's taut muscles.
Minutes ran by and Jensen did nothing but breathe. Inhale, exhale, inhale,
exhale, over and over and again until his chest stopped heaving and his fists
unclenched, fresh air rushing through his veins and burning away anger and
sorrow. The school bell rang somewhere in the distance, but neither of them
cared.
“Any better?” Jared asked eventually, his hand still moving slowly against
Jensen's shoulder, his sea-colored eyes boring into the blond's.
“Yeah,” Jensen mumbled and finally dared to lean into the soothing touch,
pressing his cheek against the back of Jared's hand, stilling it. “Thanks.”
“Don't mention it,” the boy mumbled and the smile on his face was so bright it
sent Jensen reeling, his mind suddenly hazy with the scent of soap and clean
sweat.
“I'm terribly sorry.”
“Don't be.”
“I didn't want to hurt you. I know-”
“You didn't.” Jared's other hand came up stroke the crease between Jensen's
eyes, smoothing the wrinkled skin and slowly making the angry look go away.
“There, that's a pretty face.”
Jensen smiled. It was thin and weak, but a smile nevertheless. “You're a
creeper, Jared,” he mumbled and chased the soft touch once the taller boy was
finished and let go of him again, his hands fumbling with the zipper of his
backpack now.
Jared's smile became wild, his eyes glistening with mischief. “Oh, you have no
idea, darling.”
The school bell rang again, this time more insistent, and the two boys winced
at the sound.
“Maybe we should go,” Jensen suggested and felt a pang in his chest at the
thought of leaving Jared and the peaceful silence of the field.
Jared nodded. “We better,” he agreed and when neither of them moved, he finally
let go of his backpack and reached inside the pocket of his flannel. “I meant
to give this to you earlier, but then that bitch happened and I...” His voice
trailed off and as he unwrapped a tiny package.
“What another present?” Jensen asked softly and leaned in closer to Jared, the
tips of their boots brushing gently against each other and their hips almost
touching.
Jared winked. “Close your eyes,”
“What? No.”
“C'mon Jensen, do it for me,”
Jensen pouted. “I hate surprises.”
“You'll love this one.”
“Are you sure?”
“I'd bet my ass on it,” Jared nodded, the look in his eyes pleading and Jensen
felt like he was arguing with a puppy again. He sighed and after another two or
three seconds he let his eyes flutter shut, his tongue nervously licking his
lips.
“Good boy,” Jared breathed and there was more rustling with wrapping paper from
where he stood. “Now open your mouth.”
“Now fucking way, dude,” Jensen protested and was about to cancel the whole
thing when he felt the touch of warm finger against his mouth, something soft
pressing against his lips insistently.
“Open up or I'll make you,” Jared warned and there was amusement in his voice,
along with something deeper, something more intimate, and he hummed contently
when Jensen finally gave in and open his mouth, embracing the sweetness that
rolled on his tongue.
“You're such a sap,” Jensen whispered when he realized, what he was chewing on,
the treat sweet and soft and tasty in his mouth.
“'M not,” Jared protested and crumbled the thin paper in his hand into a tiny
ball.
“You got up in the middle of the night to do groceries to make me a sandwich
and even had the nerve to bring me a fucking marshmallow. If that doesn't make
you a sap I don't know what does.” Jensen laughed, chewing and swallowing the
treat while popping his eyes open. He witnessed another blush on Jared's cheeks
and couldn't help but reach out for his face, tracing his thumb along the boy's
lower lip before stepping back and taking another deep breath.
“Let's go and pick up Tom, I bet he's still snoring on the lawn,” he mumbled
and felt a strange ache when he turned away from Jared in favor of strolling
back towards the font side of the school, Jared once again on his heels.
                                       ♦ 
It took them another ten minutes to shake Tom awake and urge him to his feet,
the now cold tea forgotten in the grass when they headed for the school. The
hallway was empty and Jensen groaned as Tom voiced his need to take a piss.
“C'mon man, we're already late,” he huffed but his friend had already vanished
behind the white door with the small symbol of a male stick man.
“I better be off,” Jared said and glanced towards his watch, sighing quietly.
“Yeah, see you around?”
“You bet,” Jared's smile was breathtaking as he shot Jensen a wink, his bangs
bobbing when he turned around to take the stairs.
Jensen spoke before he knew he'd opened his mouth. “Actually I have my dad's
car today, I could um, drive you home later?”
Jared spun on his heels to give the blond a thumbs-up. “Sounds grand, dude,” he
replied and with another wink and a wave of his hand he was on the stairs and
out of Jensen's sight.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Last period was tedious and Jensen couldn't wait for it to end. Tom was still
miserable and spent most of the time in silence, his head carefully supported
on the desk and his eyes squeezed shut. He was getting paler by the minute and
when the school bell finally rang he jerked awake with a grunt.
“Is it over now?” he slurred and wiped a string of saliva off the corner of his
mouth.
Jensen nodded, cramming pens and notebooks into his backpack, then turned to
help his friend with his stuff.
When they made it out of the school building the parking lot was almost clear,
only their friends were standing next to Jensen's car in a large group, idly
chatting. Jensen was a little surprised to spot Jared surrounded by the others
and he kept staring at his tall form while greeting the other boys with a wave
of his hand.
“Hey guys, how's it going?” he asked as casually as possible and joined the
group next to Jeffrey, Jared across from him.
Katie clapped her hand against Jensen's back, catching him off-guard and almost
sending him reeling. “We were just talking about you, dude,” she informed
Jensen, and the smile on her lips was good-natured and bright. “About you being
always so polite and all.”
“What's to discuss about that?” Jensen's brows furrowed and he opened the back
door of the SUV for Tom, who threw his backpack in before clambering in
afterward.
“Nothing.” It was Genevieve talking now. “Just that we find it cute that you
think asshole is actually a real insult.”
“Or nerd.” Danneel cackled.
“Or bitch.” Jeffrey laughed when he watched Jensen flipping him the bird.
“You can all go and fuck yourselves, you bunch of giant assholes,” Jensen
scoffed and tried to bite back the smile that tugged on the corners of his
lips. His friends cheered and hollered in response and the blond rolled his
eyes enthusiastically before slamming the back door of the black car shut,
strolling towards the driver's side. “And since I don't drive assholes home,
you can all go sulk and watch me drive by, nerds.”
The hollering died and Genevieve pulled a face. Jeffrey pouted. “What about
Tom?”
“He's sick and he didn't act like a fuck-nut for once, so I guess he's the
lucky one.”
Jared was busy talking to Colin when Jensen slipped behind the steering wheel,
one foot already on the gas. “You coming?” the blond shouted as he turned
around to look directly at the Texan boy. Jared nearly toppled over waving the
guys goodbye and running to the door on the passenger's side, a smug smile on
his face.
                                       ♦ 
They had dropped Tom at his house, where his mother had been waiting for him on
the threshold, her arms akimbo and her brows furrowed in utter disapproval. She
had started to chide her son and his best friend the moment they stumbled up
the stairs and Jensen was more than happy when he slipped into the car again,
the tips of his ears pink as he busied himself with the seat belt.
He was now pulling into Yosemite street and Jared started fidgeting in his
seat, his knees bouncing against the dashboard as his eyes nervously darted
towards Jensen.
“Everything alright, dude? You're not going to puke into my car, are you?”
Jensen asked and his eyebrows hitched.
Jared shook his head frantically. “No, course not. Do I look like I'm sick?”
“No, but-”
“'M not sick. Hey that's my stop, you can pull over in the driveway,” Jared
instructed and pointed at a narrow townhouse, the facade gray and stained with
mud, streams of auburn rust running down the descending ledges. Jensen parked
the car and was very aware of the awkward silence the moment he killed the
engine. He didn't know how to react, didn't even know what he wanted to happen
and for a long while neither of them said a word, instead kept staring out of
the windshield at the blotched wall, breathing in silence.
It was Jared who eventually got up the courage to talk. “So, um, do you wanna
come upstairs for a cup of tea?”
Jensen scrunched his nose and scrubbed his clammy palms across his face before
he spoke, not quite trusting his voice. “I don't like tea,” he stated matter-
of-factly and felt the urge to punch himself for being such a smartass. Smooth
Jensen, very smooth.
“Coffee, then? I don't like to drink it myself but my mom says I'm pretty good
at making it.”
“And your mom is-”
Jared chuckled. “She's at work, no worries.” The taller boy shrugged and his
smile faded, the look on his face becoming almost sheepish. “I mean you don't
have to if you're... uh... busy or something. It's okay, I-”
“I'd love to.”
“Huh?”
Jensen cleared his throat awkwardly, the tips of his ears changing from light
pink to a deep flushed scarlet. “I'd love to come and have that coffee,” he
explained and pulled the key out of the car lock before swinging the door open.
Fresh air washed over him and he relaxed slightly as he tried to push away his
fluttering nerves and focus on his steps instead.
The apartment was on the second floor and pretty much the same as the whole
building: narrow, the walls stained with splutters of moisture and it smelled
like food and faint traces of cold smoke. The hallway was crammed with
cardboard boxes, closed and neatly stacked along the wall, and a selection of
more or less assembled furniture.
“It's a bit messy,” Jared explained unabashedly and shrugged out of his flannel
after kicking his shoes into the nearest corner. “We didn't bother to unpack
our stuff since we're going to move again on Saturday.”
“Oh wow, that's pretty soon. Do you already know where to?”
“Yeah, we got the house near the park.” Jared hesitated for a moment. “I, uh...
I hope that's okay for you?”
The blond shrugged. “Why should I mind? It's your choice; I don't care about
another nosy Texan in the neighborhood.” Jensen followed Jared's example and
slowly got rid of his coat and boots, placing both on one of the stuffed
cartons before he trailed after the brunette into the open kitchen.
While Jared busied himself brewing some hot coffee, Jensen was left to have a
look around. It didn't take him long to understand how Jared must have felt two
days ago, when he told him that he couldn't be creative here. Low ceilings,
terrible wallpapers and a disgusting gray carpet turned the whole apartment
into a cage and it was downright depressing to look out of the tiny windows,
the eyes immediately drawn to the facade of another dirty building and the
endless row of cars on the Yosemite Street.
“How do you like your coffee?”
“Black. No sugar.”
Jared raised his eyebrows. “Really? That's tough. I need at least half a liter
of milk and a big spoonful of sugar to drink coffee without gagging.”
“That's because you're a softy,” Jensen replied and joined his friend in the
kitchen to grab his mug from the counter. He watched Jared fill his own cup
with warm milk and seconds later the scent of sweet chocolate floated through
the air. “Really now, Jared? Cacao? Who are you, a toddler?”
“Shut up, jerk.”
“Nope, never.” Jensen's smile was smug when he sipped on his coffee, almost
burning his tongue in the process. “That's what you have to put up with, honey,
deal with it.”
Jared returned the smile with a wink and nudged the blond's shoulder carefully
as he passed by, leading his guest into the room at the end of the hallway.
There were more cardboard boxes and more furniture, a few half-full bags and a
wide sofa in the center of the room. Clothes lay scattered all over the floor,
pillows and a blanket in between and dozens of books piled up next to the desk.
“Wow, cozy,” Jensen remarked and his voice was thick with sarcasm.
“Should I roll out the red carpet, your highness?”
Jensen barked out a short laugh while he tried to figure out how to sit and
decided in favor of the desk, carefully balancing his mug through the mess and
hopping onto the wooden surface.
“Can I smoke in here?” Jensen asked and fumbled for his cigs and the lighter
when Jared nodded. “Did you smoke in here before?”
Jared shot him another wink and flopped down on the sofa, kicking a few pillows
and a thick, warm blanket away. “I already told you I'm a nervous smoker.” He
wiggled his ass in an attempt to get comfortable while his right hand still
tried to hold the mug steady.
“So have you?”
“Let's just say I was nervous a lot during the last week.”
Jensen nodded and lit his cigarette, inhaling a lungful of white smoke and
letting it out though his nose. Jared wiggled some more before he finally gave
up and just crossed his legs, leaning back and staring at the ceiling for a
moment. Silence fell and Jensen took another one or two drags as his fluttering
nerves slowly starting to calm until eventually only his heart continued to
thrum against his ribcage in a frantic rhythm, pumping blood and something wild
and instinctive through his arteries. It felt strangely familiar being in
Jared's room, sharing the close space and breathing the same muggy air. It
feltrightand Jensen decided for one day, only one fucking afternoon, to push
away his heavy thoughts and sorrows and just be Jensen again: a seventeen year
old boy-- and not a responsible son and big brother.
“You look worried,” Jared said bluntly and his words pulled Jensen back into
the narrow space of the small room. He blinked -one time, two times- before
allowing himself another deep drag, tasting, breathing and exhaling a cloud of
white smoke. Then he shrugged.
“'M just thinking,” he replied and felt his chest constrict as he noticed the
intense look Jared considered him with.
“About what?”
“Nothing important, just... things.”
Jared shifted again and placed his mug on top of a carton near the sofa before
he threaded his fingers together, placing his chin on top. “Want to talk about
things?” he asked and the look in his shimmering hazel eyes was soft and warm
when they locked with Jensen's.
“I don't- it's really nothing important. I just decided that I don't want to
worry anymore.”
Jared's smile was bright and blinding and suddenly the sun came up from behind
a wall of gray, rain-laden clouds. A shiver ran down Jensen's spine and he had
to hold on to his mug to not to lose focus, his fingers clinging to the hot
porcelain.
“That's good, Jensen, good decision,” the Texan drawled and cocked his head.
“There's really nothing to worry about when you're with me.”
“I know,” the blond nodded as he swallowed thickly, his eyes drawn to the
handsome boy on the sofa, mesmerized by the way his chestnut hair, now freed
from the messy ponytail, cascaded down his shoulders, curling along his cheeks
and the bare skin of his slender neck.
“You're safe with me,” Jared continued, slowly getting up. “Your secrets are
safe with me, I promise.”
Jensen didn't even want to ask, but the words were out of his mouth before he
could regain control of his tongue. “Why are you like this with me?”
“Like what?” Jared stopped in front of his guest, within the reach of an arm,
close enough to let Jensen feel the heat he radiated, far away enough for the
blond not to feel threatened.
“Nice,” Jensen replied bluntly and took a deep breath, stubbing out his
cigarette in one of the empty cups on the desk. “From the first moment on you
were nice to me, didn't mind when I was rude and didn't gave two shits about my
warnings. You... you're always so kind and considerate and I'm starting to ask
myself if there's a reason behind it.”
Jared shrugged, a slow and uncertain movement. “No reason behind it, I just
like you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, really. Look, I just thought you needed a friend and I tried to be one
even though you told me not to.”
“Have you figured out why I kept you away?” Jensen squinted and tried to
swallow his heart that he either carried on his tongue or felt jumping in his
throat.
There was another short shrug and this time Jared buried his hands in the
pockets of his jeans as if to prevent himself from reaching out and touching
Jensen. “I didn't try to, to be honest.”
“Yeah? Why? What kept you from asking Colin during classes?”
“You,” Jared replied outright and blew a strand of smooth hair that cheekily
bobbed in front of his nose away.
“Me?”
“You- your whole attitude told me not to go and ask the next idiot for help,
but to wait. I figured you'd tell me once you felt comfortable around me.” He
made a brief pause in which he thoughtfully chewed his lower lip, a gesture
that tightened Jensen's throat further and made his fingers itch with the need
to reach out and trace that beautiful mouth.
“You think I will?” the blond mouthed and almost jumped at how hoarse his voice
sounded. “I mean you think I will tell you?”
Jared shot him a grin. “Maybe, maybe not. Both is fine by me. I don't care
about what happened to you or your family or your grandmother's dog months ago-
- I just want to get to know you. It's not the Jensen from half a year ago I
like, it's the grumpy, rude asshole you are now I'd like to be friends with.”
Jensen felt his cheeks flush and he fumbled with his mug again, his fingers
desperate to clutch something, anything that radiated warmth and comfort like
Jared's body did right in front of him. “So you're just a regular nice guy who
wants to be friend with the newborn school jerk?”
“Exactly.” Jared leaned in a little more, his warm breath now ghosting over
Jensen's skin, raising goosebumps. “I also happen to have a soft spot for
strays. I think they're cute.”
Jensen pouted and tried to pull a face. “Are you calling me a mutt?” he replied
and took a long sip of coffee, burning his tongue and almost choking on the hot
beverage. His eyes watered and he felt a coughing fit break free, short gasps
of ragged air climbing out of his chest. He almost toppled over.
“Are you alright?” Jared asked as soon as the rattling noises in Jensen's chest
eased and the look on his face showed nothing but concern and honest worry.
Jensen grunted one last time before straightening up again and inhaled deeply.
“Yeah, I'm okay,” he mumbled, embarrassed, and felt his tongue swelling in his
mouth, the flesh sore and hurting. “I just burned my tongue.”
“Really?” Jared took a last step forward and finally closed the gap between his
and Jensen's body, his slender waist easily fitting between the blond's spread
thighs. “Show me?”
Jensen didn't give it a second thought -to be honest he didn't even give it a
first- before he stuck his tongue out, offering the taller boy a long and
thorough look.
“Mh, looks awful,” Jared commented, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he
placed his hands carefully on each of Jensen's legs, his fingers softly resting
on the boy's jeans.
“Suck fou,” Jensen replied around his injured tongue, the corners of his eyes
still streaked with moisture and the muscles in his thighs tensing immediately.
The heat that oozed from Jared's fingers was like a shock and it sent electric
sparks through Jensen's body and towards his brain, short-circuiting his
ability to think straight.
“Should I-” Jared's voice was barely audible when he spoke up, his words
forgotten when he leaned in to gently nudge his nose against Jensen's, their
eyes firmly locked and both their breaths hitching as their bodies went into
full sync.
“Yes you should,” the blond whispered and with a quiet sigh he pushed forward,
pressing his mouth against Jared's. Their lips slotted together like two halves
of the same whole and for a moment the world stopped spinning. The volume went
down and Jensen became deaf to everything except the soft sigh that climbed out
of Jared's chest, hanging in the thick air between them. Warm fingers trailed
up his thighs and to his hips, pulling him closer until their bodies lay flush
against each other, and Jensen couldn't help but moan, a shy and quiet sound in
the silence of the room. Their eyes fluttered shut the moment their lips found
together and for a moment Jensen did nothing but taste-- tasting and falling
and never wanting it to stop.
Their first kiss was chaste, and it tasted like coffee and smoke and Jared's
sweet mouth and ended far too early. The world started moving again with a jolt
and Jensen was glad he had Jared to hold on to, his fingers carefully circling
the his slim waist, holding him close. Their foreheads still resting against
each other, they stilled for a while, eyes firmly closed and hearts hammering
in lockstep, the smiles on their faces delighted.
“That was amazing,” Jared said eventually and his fingers wandered to Jensen's
back, slowly trailing up and down his spine and drawing patterns into the
fabric of his long sleeved t-shirt while he nosed along the blond's cheek and
jaw. “I'd like to do that again some time.”
Jensen dared a slow nod. His body was still paralyzed and heavy in Jared's
arms, his face burning with the blush that didn't want to stop creeping across
his skin. “Mmmh yeah, me, too.” he mumbled and shuddered when Jared's lips
brushed his temple. “Sometime soon.”
They agreed on the fact, that soon would have been right now, if it hadn't been
for Jensen's cell phone that went off right at that moment, the sound piercing
and unpleasant in both of their ears. Jensen considered ignoring it for a
moment, but the noise was insistent and he gave in.
“Oi?”
“Jensen, where are you?” It was his mom.
“Mom, I'm... I... I'm with a friend,” Jensen stuttered and almost whined at the
sudden loss of warmth when Jared let go of him and stepped back.
There were rustling noises from the other end of the line. “That's nice, honey,
but I need you to be here in ten. Mackenzie is here and I have an appointment
with the lawyer.” She sounded slightly hysterical and Jensen decided not to
even try to argue.
“Okay mom, there in seven. Watch me,” he huffed and bit the inside of his
cheek, the excitement quickly rushing out of his body.
“Hurry!” And with that Donna slammed the phone shut and so did Jensen.
“I gotta go,” he mumbled and dropped his gaze to his hands, his fingers idly
playing with the plastic case of his phone.
Jared nodded. “Okay,” he said flatly and smoothed his disheveled mane down his
head. “See you tomorrow then?”
“It's not that I want to go, really. But my mom needs me to babysit my horrible
little sister and I-”
“S'okay,” Jared cut in and his smile once again lit up the whole room,
including Jensen's mood. “I have a buttload of homework anyway and we'll see
each other tomorrow, right?”
Now it was Jensen turn to nod. “Yeah, sure,” he confirmed and found that it was
not too hard to smile back. “Thanks for... the coffee.”
Jared's grin became impossibly wide and he shot him a saucy wink. “Anytime,
sugar,” he joked and together they returned to the hallway where Jensen slipped
into his boots and coat again. Their goodbye was an awkward shoulder squeeze
and seconds later the blond boy blustered down the stairs and into the car, his
face still hot and his chest tight with want.
                                       ♦ 
That night Mackenzie's nightmares returned.
It was only about 10pm and Jensen was busy finishing his essay about Wuthering
Heights when a high-pitched scream rang in his ears. The blond scrambled to his
feet from where he had been sitting on the carpet and was out of his room and
at Mackenzie's door within seconds.
“Mackenzie!” he shouted the moment he busted in and stooped next to the bed
under the window, hopping onto the mattress. “Mackenzie, you're dreaming, wake
up!”
The screaming was even louder when Jensen gathered the shaking and kicking girl
into his arms, Mackenzie's face next to his ear and her voice nearly blowing up
the her sibling's eardrums. But Jensen didn't gave two shits about the pain as
he held his struggling and gagging little sister close, finding every muscle
taut and the dinosaur PJ's soaked with sweat around her tiny body.
“Mackenzie, c'mon you have to wake up. It's just a dream,” he whispered over
and over again, his hand combing the girl's short hair. “You're safe, it's just
me.” And he endured getting kicked against the thighs and knees, didn't gave an
inch while his sister slowly, finally, stilled in his arms.
“Jensen?” Mackenzie croaked and popped her eyes open, the look on her face
agitated, confused and haunted as her body went lax in Jensen's arms.
“Yeah it's me, Mackenzie, you're alright. You're in your room and there is no
one else in the house but me and you and Os downstairs.”
The little girl sucked in a trembling breath, biting her lip as she snuggled
closer against her big brother's chest. “Where's Mommy?”
Jensen felt his racing heart slowly calming and with a deep-drawn sigh he
wrapped his arms tighter around the skinny body in his arms. “She's still away
meeting with Mr. Sheppard and talking to him about Dad.”
Mackenzie nodded, understanding, and her fingers slowly unclenched from where
they had fisted in Jensen's shirt, her blown-wide pupils going back to normal
in the dim light of the bedside lamp. “Do I have to go back to sleep?”
“I'm afraid I have to say yes,” Jensen replied and let go of his little sister
who started wiggling in his grip, the girl returning to her usual, annoying
self with every passing second.
Mackenzie pulled a face. “Really?”
“Definitely.”
“Can I sleep in your bed?”
Jensen's brows furrowed as he wiped the sheen of cold sweat on Mackenzie's
forehead away. He didn't have to ask what the dream had been about, he already
knew. It was the same nightmare, almost every night for so many weeks and
Jensen agreed with the opinion of the psychiatrist when he said, that the
dreams were just a way for Mackenzie's infantile mind to cope with what had
happened to her. What that fucking asshole had done to her.
“Sure,” he said after a moment of consideration. “But only on one condition.”
“Anything.”
“No farting, you stinky little brat, or I'll tickle the hell outta you.
Agreed?”
Mackenzie snickered as she slipped out of her bed, taking her pillow and one of
her action figures with her. “Deal,” she agreed and was halfway to the door
even before Jensen was on his feet again.
When the boy stepped into his own room again, his sister had already slipped
under the covers, her little body snuggled up warm and safe in the wide bed.
“Do I have to sleep right now or can I watch a movie?”
“No movie.” Jensen shook his head as he flopped down on the carpet again,
grabbing his essay with a sigh. “I'm gonna finish my homework and you shut your
eyes and mouth and try to sleep again.”
“Not even Tangled?” Mackenzie chirped and clutched the giant plastic robot
tighter in her hands.
Jensen shot her an annoyed look. “Not tonight, Mac, it's late and I'm busy.
Just try to sleep, okay?”
Mackenzie's brows furrowed and for a moment she seemed tempted to argue, but
she kept his mouth firmly shut and eventually nodded. “Okay,” she murmured and
did as she was told, closing her eyes and huddling deeper into the sheets.
“Good night, Jen.”
“Night, sweetie.” And within seconds the breath of the little girl evened out,
her jaw slackening and her fingers dropping the action figure, leaving Jensen
to his long overdue essay and his own, sorrow-ridden brooding.
End Notes
     This is a re-upload/re-write of a story I did not so long ago, but
     lost interest in eventually. But I still like the idea and it pains
     me to abandon it without giving it a chance of a proper ending.
     (▰˘◡˘▰)
     Oh and since I had to change the gender of a few minor characters -
     because hell yeah I need some more female punching power in that
     story- it's possible that a few pronouns are confused. If you spot
     such a mistake I'd love you to report them to me. UwU
     Stop_by_to_say_'hello'_if_you_feel_like_it.
      
     Comments are love! UwU
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