Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/11229555.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Hunter_X_Hunter
  Relationship:
      Hisoka/Illumi_Zoldyck, Gon_Freecs/Hisoka, but_only_hisoka_talking_about
      his_weird_murderboner_for_gon, Illumi_Zoldyck/Killua_Zoldyck
  Character:
      Hisoka_(Hunter_X_Hunter), Illumi_Zoldyck, Gon_Freecs, Killua_Zoldyck
  Additional Tags:
      Incest, the_first_chapter_is_consensual_hisoka/illumi, the_second_chapter
      is_illumi/killua, there's_no_actual_sex_but_it's_definitely
      nonconsensual, Please_be_warned
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-06-18 Completed: 2017-09-01 Chapters: 2/2 Words: 2259
****** You Could Never Understand This Kind of Love ******
by tittysatan
Summary
     Hisoka is hunger, desire, want, for two things that are really one
     and the same, at least to him.
     Illumi is restraint, impassiveness, disinterest, all hiding a
     possessive longing for the one thing he's ever cared about.
     They have just enough in common to sicken each other.
Notes
     Hisoka and Illumi are both absolutely fascinating in the most
     viscerally uncomfortable way imaginable. I wrote this mostly so I
     could get it out of my head.
***** Radiance and Lead *****
Gon hit him. That boy actually managed to land a hit, and those eyes, and that
expression … Hisoka could barely contain himself. He managed to keep in check,
somehow, until the match had finished and he'd left; it wouldn't do to harvest
this fruit too early, no. But now his insides were a glowing pulsing
overflowing blaze, aura crawling out of him in a miasma of desire that parted
the crowd before him like the Red Sea. Lust for sex, death, two sides of the
same coin. Either would do. But Hisoka didn't know how much longer he could
restrain himself.
He sensed Illumi long before he saw him, aura undisguised, leaning on the wall
outside his door. "Long time no see, Hisoka!" the assassin said with that dead-
eyed parody of a smile. "I came to check up on my cute little brother, and
figured since you're here too, I'd might as well say hello."
Hisoka barely even heard him. In an instant he closed the distance between
them, pinning Illumi to the wall, plaster cracking around his hands,
phosphorescent yellow eyes radiating hunger. He was planning to go back to his
room, jerk off, maybe take a shower, get his bloodlust in check. But not with
such a delicacy right before his eyes.
Illumi was an ally, even something like a friend, so Hisoka had always kept his
hands off. But he'd thought about it, oh yes. To make that expressionless face
lose all composure under his hand, to make him scream and beg and gasp and
writhe, to shatter that perfect control… Too tempting to resist, when he
already wanted this so bad.
"What are you doing?" Illumi asked, unmoving and unblinking.
"I'm going to have you," Hisoka breathed, face a centimeter from the
assassin's. "In bed or in battle, I don't care which."
He expected a knee to the crotch, perhaps, or a wave of Illumi's own aura, or a
slim hidden needle to the gut. Hisoka was ready. He wanted it. He would take
what he wanted.
"Oh, if you want to have sex that's fine," Illumi said.
Hisoka felt like he'd been splashed with cold water. Not enough to calm the
inferno inside him, but… This was not what he had been expecting. Illumi
slipped easily out of his wall pin and turned back to look at him, eyes as
leaden as ever.
"Are you going to get the door?"
After pulling his hands out of the wall, Hisoka let them both in. As soon as
he'd closed the door Illumi began to strip, baring that smooth pale beautiful
body, and yes, this was what he wanted, to make that white skin his canvas and
paint it red and purple, to mark him, to leave something indelible, a form of
conquest. Hisoka shoved him onto the bed and Illumi let him. He looked so
fragile, lying there, his long slim form so breakable, but hiding that terrible
strength, yes, that was what excited him, knowing those delicate fingers could
snap metal and stone and bone like nothing, knowing he could be hurt by this
man. An ecstatic shiver raced down his spine.
"Can you hurry up and fuck me?" Illumi asked like he was asking the time, and
again that sensation of cold water, but at this point Hisoka was far too gone
for it to matter. He pulled out his cock, jerked Illumi's legs open, and drove
inside him. His insides were hot and wet and tight, accepting him in willingly,
yes, he was using nen in the place of lube, clever boy, and Hisoka lost himself
in violent thrusting, fast and hard and not caring if Illumi was hurt and
hoping he was, stabbing into him again and again, fingertips digging bruises
into his shoulders. When he came, it tore through his body and out in one
luminous flare, taking some of that unbearable ache with it, spilling hot and
wet into Illumi, marking his territory.
It was only once his own desires had been sated that Hisoka even thought to
check on the assassin, to see what he'd made of his porcelain doll.
"Well, that was fast," Illumi said. His breathing was perfectly level. He
hadn't broken a sweat. Hell, not even a hair was out of place.
Hisoka did not know how to react to this.
"Illumi."
"Hm?"
"Do you enjoy sex?"
"Not particularly."
"Then why did you agree to this?"
Illumi's head tilted exactly forty-five degrees to the left. "It's good
training."
"…could you explain that?"
"Sure, but could you keep fucking me while I do?"
Hisoka had long since passed the point where he expected any of this to make
sense. He just closed his eyes and remembered the sensation of Gon's fists
against his face, over and over again, that sweet pain transmuting into
something else, excitement, anticipation, hunger, a luminous glow that flooded
his body. This time he thrust slowly, not wanting to drive himself over the
edge too soon, Gon's burning eyes lingering at the edge of his mind.
"Sexual stimuli is a good way to induce involuntary bodily reactions," Illumi
began, sounding for all the world like he was lecturing a student rather than
getting fucked. "Because of that, it's a good way to practice suppressing and
controlling said bodily reactions. I have perfect control over my breathing,
heart rate, sweat production, physical arousal, and orgasms. In addition, the
constant distraction makes it a good way to practice nen concentration as
well."
The worst part, Hisoka found, was how reasonable it sounded, coming from him.
Of course Illumi would see sex that way. He was lead, cold and inert,
desireless, logical beyond all reason.
"And then there are the applications on other people," he continued in the same
level tone. "Training to withstand painful torture is commonplace, but sexual
humiliation is much rarer. I've seen quite a few cases where men who wouldn't
talk if I skinned them alive go to pieces if I even threaten to rape them in
front of their comrades. And of course it's very useful in ensuring obedience.
Nothing causes a greater feeling of powerlessness than one's body being used
that way, I've found. The effects are very lasting. Why did you stop moving?"
Hisoka hadn't even noticed. The radiance was gone, diffused into nothing
against Illumi's leaden eyes, and there was a terrible question in its place.
"You said before that you were in charge of training Killua."
"Yes. Kil's amazingly resilient; he would have to be, to lead the Zoldyck
family. But, well, you saw what happened when he tried to go against me."
Hisoka pulled out.
"You don't have any siblings, of course you wouldn't understand," Illumi said,
shifting to a sitting position, cock instantly flaccid. "It's for his own sake;
he has to understand the risks he runs, opposing someone stronger than him.
It's to protect him until he can stand on his own. Is it really worse than what
you want from that boy Gon?"
No, Gon was different, Gon was something special, his ward, his rival, his two-
sided coin, and Hisoka only wanted that body to break it at its peak potential.
Gon was his to claim when that time came. To crush that burning spirit in his
hand, see those eyes glare up at him, filled with angry tears… Just the thought
was intoxicating, rapturous, a brilliant flash down his spine and into his
blood.
Illumi obviously thought no more of what he did to Killua than he would of any
other stratagem for training and control. So indifferent. How could he compare
it to this love, this desire?
"Well, it's not like it matters," Illumi said with a shrug. "This hasn't been a
particularly productive training session for me, but it appears you're not
willing to continue."
"Indeed."
"I guess I'll be going then." The assassin jumped lightly off the bed, landing
next to his clothes, and began to dress. "If you're ever in the mood for a
longer session, give me a call." Fully clothed now, he gave a small wave, mouth
curved in that uncanny smile. "See you later."
"…right."
And with that, Illumi let himself out.
Hisoka decided he would take a shower, then go register for a fight tomorrow.
He was in the mood to kill someone.
 
***** A Sweet, Nostalgic Scent *****
Hisoka had gotten to him. As absurd as Illumi knew it was, he was bothered by
the way the magician had looked at him, like he was something dirty, like he'd
done something wrong. Of course Hisoka didn't understand. Still, for him to
think Illumi's feelings for his beloved brother were anything like his vulgar
lust for that boy… It was just insulting.
The assassin's hand hovered over the elevator buttons. He was just here to
observe, he repeated to himself, to make sure nothing happened to Kil, not for
his own satisfaction (though observing was satisfaction in and of itself).
Illumi knew this. But even so, he turned and left the elevator, heading for a
room on the other side of the 200th floor.
Kil's room.
Illumi moved silently through the empty hallway, aura disguised, until arriving
in front of his brother's door. Kil wasn't inside. Of course. He was in another
room down the hall, with that boy, and Illumi could barely stop himself from
doing what he should have done as soon as the Hunter Exam was over.
Maybe then, Kil would come back to him.
Instead, he picked the lock on Kil's door and slipped inside.
There were clothes tossed carelessly over the backs of chairs and candy
wrappers overflowing from the trash and a neat line of Chocorobo-kuns on a desk
and the whole place was Kil, Kil, Kil. Illumi lay down on the bed and buried
his face in the pillows and breathed in deep.
It smelled like him. Chocolate and sugar and something faintly musky, masking
the scent of blood and metal. Illumi loved that smell more than anything. Had
it really only been a few months since the Exam, since he was last able to
touch him, to savor his scent? It felt like an eternity. Illumi hadn't been
planning on staying here, just stopping by long enough to take the edge off his
longing, but all this had done was intensify it. Of course. Kil was the one
thing he could never resist.
So he waited, stripping naked and pulling the blankets over himself and
drowning in that sweet scent.
By the time he felt Kil approaching, alone, night had fallen. Illumi slipped
out of bed, tidied the blankets, and sat down again, unblinking eyes on the
door.
It opened, and Kil stopped dead. "…Illu…Illu-nii…" he stammered, eyes wide and
terrified, shrinking into himself. "…what…why are you…?"
"I came here to see you, of course."
Kil clenched his fists and gritted his teeth, shoulders still trembling. "I…I
know about Nen now, a-alright!? So I, I'm not afraid of you anymore…"
He was so cute when he tried to seem brave.
"Come here, Kil," Illumi said, stretching out a hand.
"…no way…!" Kil shrunk back, half-hiding behind the door. "You can't, I won't
let you anymore, I'll call Gon!"
It stung, the way he invoked that boy's name like a spell of protection.
"I just want to sleep next to you tonight," Illumi said. "That's all. But you
know what'll happen if you argue, right?"
Kil hesitated, clinging to the door, watching him like a cornered animal. "…you
really won't…do anything…?"
"Would your big brother lie to you?"
He flinched, glanced at the hall and back, then slowly, slowly entered and
closed the door behind him.
"That's a good boy. Now, take your clothes off and come here."
Kil's eyes were so beautifully vacant as he undressed, like the empty eyes of a
doll. Illumi loved that expression on him. It was the face he made when he'd
stopped fighting, when he'd realized it was hopeless, and it was better just to
let it happen. The face of a good, obedient little brother.
Illumi pulled back the covers for him and Kil climbed into bed without any more
prompting, barely even shivering as his brother wrapped his arms around him.
Illumi, too, was almost in a delirium. The feel of skin against skin, the
softness of Kil's white hair against his face, and more than anything that
sweet scent enfolding him… It was intoxication.
"I missed you so much," Illumi said, caressing his delicate collarbone. "I've
been watching you this whole time, but it's not the same."
Kil didn't respond. He was so shy with affection, after all. Adorable.
Illumi traced a hand over his chest, more muscular now than the last time he'd
felt it. He wanted to let his hand move lower, to really embrace Kil with his
whole being, to become one with him, to show his precious brother just how much
he loved him, but he held himself back. Illumi had promised, after all. Kil's
big brother wouldn't lie to him.
Hisoka couldn't understand love like this. There was nothing venereal about it,
nothing so impure as that. Kil was his everything, and all he wanted was to be
in his heart, his mind, always and forever.
"I love you, Kil. No one else will ever love you as much as I do."
Illumi waited until Kil's breathing became deep and even before allowing
himself to drift off. He knew he would have sweet dreams that night. He always
did, when Kil was there.
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