Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/3468293.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Free!
  Relationship:
      Matsuoka_Rin/Nitori_Aiichirou
  Character:
      Matsuoka_Rin, Nitori_Aiichirou, Mikoshiba_Seijuurou, Nitori's_Aunt,
      Nitori's_Mom, Tachibana_Makoto, Nanase_Haruka, Hazuki_Nagisa, Ryuugazaki
      Rei, Matsuoka_Gou, Various_Characters, Original_Characters
  Additional Tags:
      Child_Abuse, Pedophilia, Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced_Suicide,
      Consensual_Underage_Sex, (in_future_chapters), i'll_add_more_tags_as_i
      add_more_chapters, idk_how_often_this_will_update_please_bear_with_me
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-03-02 Updated: 2015-08-03 Chapters: 3/? Words: 3821
****** Wildflower ******
by prince_mimi23
Summary
     You have always been my wildflower,
     showing up wherever beauty's lost it's way,
     your heart must break
***** Chapter 1 *****
It's the night before my first day of high school at Samezuka Academy, and I've
finally convinced my aunt Miyako to let me visit my mother at the hospital. I'm
thankful that it's a chilly day so my scarf can cover the dark bruises around
my neck. I don't want mom to worry about me.
I try to ignore my aunt as she goes on about how mom is a "bitch", "slut", and
other foul names. "If it weren't for your mother, my dear brother would still
be alive today," she grumbles, puffing smoke from her mouth. "She had to have a
baby. She didn't care how much pressure raising a child would put on him." I
cover my nose with my scarf and try not to cough. I really wish she would at
least crack her window a bit.
I hold back a sigh of relief as we finally pull up in front of the hospital.
There aren't many other cars in the parking lot, because visiting hours are
almost up. I had wanted to come earlier, but aunt Miyako wanted to finish
watching her show.
"Don't take too long in there," she says with the condescending tone that I'm
so used to. She steps out of the car and leans against the hood, pulling out
and lighting her third cigarette since we left. "I won't," I reply, nervously
adjusting my scarf. I walk through the door and immediately relax when I'm
greeted by the comforting atmosphere. I've always loved hospitals for some
reason.
I walk up to the counter and a young woman with glasses smiles politely at me.
"May I help you?" she asks, and I return the fake smile. "I'm here to visit my
mother, Nitori Reiko," I reply, my voice shaking ever so slightly. The woman
nods and types the name up on her computer, and after a brief moment looks back
up at me. "Room 301, fourth floor," she says, and I mutter a "thank you" and
quickly head for the elevators.
I still remember where I'm going, even though it's been so long since my last
visit. I used to walk here after school, but when Summer came, aunt Miyako
would hardly ever let me leave the house.
I walk silently through the halls until I reach my mother's room, and find the
door is open a crack. I knock lightly and hear a nurse's voice granting my
entrance. I open the door and shyly step inside, and the nurse smiles at me.
"Reiko's just finished taking her medicine," she says politely, looking at her
watch. "You have five minutes before visiting hours are over." I smile and nod,
and she leaves the room.
"Hi mom," I say with a smile, walking up to the side of her bed. "Oh, Aiichiro,
how are you dear?" she replies, her voice weak but her smile strong. "You
haven't visited in so long, I've missed you so much!" I take her frail hand in
mine and swallow a lump in my throat. "I've missed you, too, mom," I manage to
say. "I'm sorry I haven't visited, I've just been really busy with school and
stuff..." She nods in understanding and kisses my hand softly, and I sit down
on the edge of the bed.
"So how are you feeling?" I ask, glancing at the machines and bags of liquid at
her sides. She shrugs the best she can in her state. "A little better I guess,"
she says. "I have a different needle in my arm almost every day, and I have to
call a nurse in every time I have to go to the bathroom." We both laugh until
she starts couughing, and I bite my lip and squeeze her hand.
"I'm sorry dear," she says, her voice weaker than before. I shake my head and
lean down to kiss her forehead. "Don't apologize, you can't help it," I reply,
my voice shaking. I clear my throat and adjust my scarf, sitting back up and
sighing quietly. "Aiichiro, is something wrong?" mom asks. I smile a little and
shrug. "Tomorrow's my first day of high school. I'm just kind of nervous." She
smiles widely and takes both of my hands. "Oh, it'll be fun!" she says. "I
can't believe you're starting high school... it seems like just yesterday you
were just a baby... Oh, you were so small, you've always been so small and
fragile." I blush a little and smile, and just as I open my mouth to speak,
mom's nurse pokes her head in. "It's time for you to leave," she says, and my
shoulders slump a little.
Mom pulls my head down and kisses my nose, tousling my hair a bit. "I love you,
Aiichiro," she says softly. "I love you too, mom," I reply, hoping she can't
hear my voice waver. I stand up with a deep breath and smile at the nurse on my
way out. I pause for a moment to rub my eyes before continuing down the hall to
the elevator.
When I get back to the car, there's a man I haven't seen in years standing next
to aunt Miyako. I freeze to a halt and awful memories start flashing behind my
eyes. He looks me up and down and smiles disgustingly, pulling his hands out of
his pockets. "Aiichiro, you remember Takeshi, don't you?" aunt Miyako asks,
lighting yet another cigarette. I swallow nervously and nod, avoiding eye
contact. Takeshi walks up to me with his arms outstretched, expecting a hug.
"It's been so long, Aiichiro-kun," he drawls, and I can smell his strong
cologne. The same cologne he's always worn, the same cologne he wore--that
night. I'm trembling when he wraps his arms around me, my face being pressed
into his chest. His hands are touching my waist and I feel sick.
"Takeshi is coming home with us tonight," aunt Miyako announces, and my heart
sinks. "We want to... catch up." Takeshi laughs and pats my back, thankfully
letting me go. "Is that what they're calling it these days?" he asks, and
Miyako chuckles. "Get in the back, Aiichiro," she orders, taking another drag
of her cigarette before tossing it into the grass. I do as I'm told and pull my
scarf so it's slightly tighter around my neck, giving me sort of a sense of
security.
The ride home isn't as bad as I had feared. Miyako and Takeshi talk to each
other and mostly ignore me, except for the occaisional comment from Takeshi on
how much I've changed since he saw me last. When we finally get home I head
straight for my room, my excuse being that I have to pack my things. The high
school has dorms, so I'll only have to be at home with aunt Miyako on weekends.
I distract myself from intrusive thoughts by thinking about who my room mate
will be, what the school will be like, and other things. It mostly works.
There's still the occaisional image of Takeshi's smug grin as he leans over me
and calls me things that I still hear nearly every night in my sleep.
I lift my pillow to make sure my knife is still there, then quickly change into
my pajamas, facing away from the mirror until I'm fully clothed. I switch the
light off and lock my door, just in case, then try to tune out the various
noises coming from my aunt's room. "Don't worry, Aiichiro," I whisper to
myself. "You'll be safe at Samezuka starting tomorrow. No one will hurt you
there."
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
     this ones short but it took me a while heh... im working on chapter
     three right now and hopefully it'll be longer
The first day of school was better than I expected.
Unfortunately, the uniform doesn't completely hide the bruises on my neck, but
thankfully I didn't get very many comments on them, and when I did it was out
of concern.
My room mate is Matsuoka Rin. He's a second year, and he just returned from
Australia. He has sort of an accent, although it's barely noticable, that he
probably got from being in a different country for so long. I have to admit,
he's quite the attractive guy... Which of course makes me awkward and nervous
around him. Right now especially; he just returned from showering, and he's
wearing sweatpants and a black tank top. I almost start fanning myself with my
magazine before I realize he can see me. I'll have to get used to that.
"Ah-- Welcome back, Senpai...!" I say as cheerfully as I can, and then I
remember that we haven't decided sleeping arangements. We picked our desks
before he left to shower, but we forgot about the beds. "Oh, Senpai, top or
bottom?"
"Haaah?!" he cries, making me jump. I scratch the back of my head, wondering
why asking a simple question would cause such a rea--
Oh.
"Aah, what I mean is... The beds... Top bunk or.. bottom bunk?"
Rin is silent for a moment, his face coloring slightly in embarrassment.
"...Bottom," he grumbles, pulling a thick blanket from one of his boxes. He
swaps the thinner blanket that's already on the bed with it along with a plain
body pillow that he pulled from somewhere, shoving it against the wall that the
bed is against. I smile a little before deciding to get up and fix my own bed.
I ended up having to dedicate three boxes to just pillows and blankets when I
packed, leaving only two for clothes and such. I toss my colorful pillows onto
the top bunk, emptying one box, then a few Rilakkuma pillows, emptying another.
When I open the third box, my heart almost stops.
The blanket on top is one that I thought I threw away. Aunt Miyako must have
taken it out of the trash and washed it, but the stains are still there. Why
did she pack this one. Why did she pack it for me, why did I let her help me
pack, why didn't I just insist on doing it myself, why why why why--
"Oi, Nitori," Rin says, startling me and ripping me from my thoughts. I turn my
head and he looks slightly concerned, sitting on the edge of his bed. "What's
the matter?"
I swallow and lick my lips, turning back to the box. With trembling hands I
take the blanket out and fold it in on itself, hiding the brown-red stains from
Rin. "I-I'm fine," I manage, stuffing the blanket in the far corner of my bed.
Rin shrugs and continues scrolling through something on his phone. I pull the
other blanket out of the box and neatly spread it over my bed, adjusting the
pillows for the finishing touch. I take a deep breath and rub my wrists out of
habit, scraping lightly to try and pull at my bracelets--until I remember
they're not there anymore. My hands go to my head instead, scratching my scalp
and tugging at my hair. Then to my neck, trying to pull at the necklace that
also isn't there. I glance down at Rin and see that he has a few hairties on
his wrist. I consider asking for one, but that would probably be strange since
I don't have enough hair to put in one. I sigh in defeat and climb up onto my
bed, grabbing one of the stuffed bears to occupy my hands. After a few minutes
it starts to calm me down, and I become sleepy.
I glance at the clock. It's eight thirty and I still haven't finished unpacking
my clothes. I set the bear next to my pillow and climb back down, pulling the
clothes I'll need to sleep and for tomorrow out of the second to last box. I
look over at Rin again. He's staring frustratedly at his phone screen, lying on
his back now instead of sitting up. As a last-minute decission I grab my sleep
clothes and shampoo, slipping my sandals on and telling Rin I'm going to take a
quick shower. He grunts in reply without taking his eyes off his phone, which I
don't let bother me since we don't really know each other anyway.
The showers are still open when I get downstairs, but no one is using them. I
sigh with relief; I had hoped I would be alone. I undress and set my things
just outside the stall, turning the water on almost as hot as it can get. I let
the water rush over my face, my chest, my stomach, running my hands through my
hair and over my arms. I lightly trace the marks on my neck, pressing slightly
to see if they still hurt.
Aunt Miyako's face appears behind my eyelids. Her expression when she wrapped
her hands around my neck. Her voice telling me how stupid I am for doing this
to myself floods my ears until I can't hear anything, not even the running
water. I look down and see the blanket, pure white except for the fresh blood
splatter. I feel the razor digging into my flesh. I feel my lungs failing. I
feel myself trying to push her off of me but my arms are too weak, I end up
getting blood on her instead.
A loud noise brings me gasping back into reality. I look down and there's no
bloody sheets. Just wet tiles and my feet. I run my hands quickly over my arms
and my neck. Nothing's there. I'm alone. I lean my head against the shower wall
and try to bring my breathing back to normal. "It's over," I tell myself. "It's
over, you're safe, you're alive, you're--"
"Hey, you," a stern voice calls from across the room. "Finish up, it's almost
curfew." I nod and quickly turn the water off, wondering how long I'd been in
there and realizing I hadn't washed my hair. I carelessly dry myself off and
get dressed, slipping my sandals back on before hurrying back to my dorm.
The light is off, but Rin is still awake, the light of his phone helping me
navigate a little. I put my day clothes away and slide my sandals under my
desk, then climb up onto my bed. I grab my phone out from under my pillow and
check the only apps I have, which are simulation games. When I'm done I sigh
deeply and turn onto my side, closing my eyes and trying to ignore the thoughts
and voices running through my head.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Summary
     Here's the long awaited chapter three! I'm sooo sorry it took so
     long, but I've finally moved into my new house so hopefully I'll
     update more often! Thanks for reading!!
The next few days of school go pretty smoothly. I decided to try out for the
swim team, and it went really well. I was delighted when I saw Rin there too.
That way we can talk about swimming and I can get to know him better. He's a
pretty quiet guy. He always looks upset, but I've never asked him about that.
He doesn't seem like he'd want to talk about it.
I've made a couple of friends, both first years like me. Hisashi, who's in my
English class, and Jirou, who's in both my English and math classes. Hisashi is
sort of shy, until you get to know him. He has black-brown hair that he wears
in a bob, and pins it back with colorful barrettes. He's a bit taller than me,
with long limbs, making him kind of clumsy. Jirou is very loud and energetic,
and always has a bad joke to tell. He has long blonde hair that he keeps in a
ponytail and he's about the same height as me. They've both known each other
since they were babies and they've gone to school together all their lives.
They're even room mates here, and their dorm is on the same floor as mine. We
all have lunch together, and it's really nice.
I've never really had friends. I always tried to keep to myself in elementary
and middle school, especially after mom was admitted to the hospital and I
moved in with aunt Miyako. Mostly because I didn't want people asking about the
bruises. If anyone did, I would just tell them I was in a bicycle accident. No
one ever questioned it. Jirou asked about my neck once, but when I told him I'd
rather not talk about it, he dropped it. I like that he doesn't pry. It's
exactly what I need in a friend.
It's Thursday evening now, and I'm slouched over my desk doing homework. I can
tell Rin has been staring at me for at least two minutes now, but I can't bring
myself to look up. I scratch the back of my neck, trying to make the prickling
feeling go away. That's when he speaks up.
"Hey, Nitori," Rin starts, shifting in his chair. "What happened to your neck?"
I freeze for a moment, then set my pencil down and lean back, stretching my
arms over my head. "I-It's nothing, Senpai," I reply nervously, messing with
the collar of my shirt. Rin isn't satisfied with my answer. "How is that
nothing?" he asks. I flinch a little at his tone of voice and shake my head,
grabbing my pencil again and continuing my work. After a moment he sighs and I
can feel the tension leave the air with it. "Sorry," he says, scratching his
neck. "I shouldn't take my bad mood out on you." I look up and his face is
slightly red, seemingly embarrassed from apologizing. I smile fondly and bite
my lip, considering before I speak. "... If you don't mind me asking... What's
got you in a bad mood?"
Rin stays silent, and at first I don't think he's going to answer. He stands up
and arches his back in a stretch, then grabs his swim jacket and puts it on. "I
had some friends back in elementary school, before I left for Australia," he
starts. "Now that I'm back... Well, things aren't the same anymore. It's
complicated, I don't wanna get into it right now." I nod in understanding as he
puts his sneakers on. "Okay," I reply. "If you ever do want to talk about it,
though, I'm here to listen." He smiles and I blush a little, lowering my gaze
for a moment.
"I'm going for a jog," Rin says, changing the subject. "I'll be back before
curfew." When he turns around I notice that he's tied his hair back into a
small ponytail. "That's cute," I say, immediately slapping my hand over my
mouth. He turns back around with a raised eyebrow. "What's that?" he asks. My
face heats up and I lower my hand. "Er, uh-- the ponytail. I like it," I
stutter. "Enjoy your jog...!" Rin leaves with a grin and as soon as the door
closes, I release a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.
I can't believe I just said that... I probably freaked him out, he probably
thinks I like him...
Do I like him?
Looking at my homework, I decide I can't concentrate enough right now to finish
it. It's not due until Monday, anyway. I grab my phone and climb up onto my
bed, slamming myself into the soft pile of pillows and stuffed bears. I've
never really questioned my sexuality... I just haven't felt the need to. No
one's ever piqued my interest in that way until now. I sigh in defeat and pull
my phone out. I click on Hisashi's name, thinking a moment before typing. Can
you come to my dorm for a few minutes? I have a little problem.
I don't get a text back. Instead, I get a knock on my door. I get out of bed
and open the door, smiling when I'm greeted by the tall boy. "Come in," I say,
stepping back to give him room. "What's the matter, Aiichiro-chan?" he asks,
and I can tell he's a little worried. I smile at the nickname and pull mine and
Rin's chairs out, sitting down on mine. "I'm fine," I reassure him. "I just
need someone to talk to..." Hisashi nods and sits down, having to spread his
calves in order to sit comfortably. "I think I have a crush on someone... a-
a guy... And I've never felt this way about anyone, ever, not even another guy,
and I'm starting to think I might like guys, but I'm not sure, and..." I sigh
and lean against the back of my chair. "Can you help?"
 
Hisashi smiles and tucks a strand of hair behind his ear. "I can try to help,"
he says. "First of all, you don't have to put a label on your sexuality right
away. There are so many, and it may take a while before you find one that fits.
It took me years to finally find one that feels right." I cock my head a bit.
"Are you... not straight?" I ask, and he laughs. "No. I'm demisexual. That
means I have to be really close to someone, or I have to have known them for a
long time, before I feel any sort of attraction toward them..." He blushes a
little after saying this. "... Like Jirou." I gasp a little in excited surprise
and clap my hands together. "Are you two...?" Hisashi tries to stop himself
from smiling as he nods. "The day we both met you I confessed to him... and he
said he feels the same way."
 
"Anyway," Hisashi continues, lowering his eyes a bit. "If I were you, I would
wait a few more days and see if you still think you have a crush on him. I
wouldn't tell him right away, though, just in case." I nod, picking at my
fingernails. "I don't think I'd have the guts to tell him anytime soon anyway,"
I say with a laugh.
~
It's dark outside when Rin returns, only five minutes before curfew. He's
panting and sweaty and his ponytail has all but fallen out of the holder. I
catch myself staring half a second before he does, and the only thing I can
think to do is smile. "So how was your jog?" I ask, hoping my nervousness
doesn't show through my voice. Rin shrugs and peels his tank top off, tossing
it into the laundry basket. His arm muscles ripple slightly and I have to look
away, biting my shirt sleeve for a moment. He has a clean shirt on and is in
bed with English music blaring from his headphones in a matter of seconds.
I stretch in my chair, trying to act natural, before standing up to go to bed,
walking over to the light switch first. I steal a glance at Rin, whose eyes are
now closed. His brow is furrowed slightly and I can't help but think he looks
beautiful. My heart skips a beat.
Before I'm caught staring again, I turn the light off and climb up into bed,
screwing my eyes shut and trying to think about anything else in the world.
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