Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1145233.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, F/F, Multi
  Fandom:
      Doctor_Who, Doctor_Who_(2005)
  Relationship:
      Eleventh_Doctor/River_Song, The_Doctor/River_Song, Eleventh_Doctor/River
      Song/Future_Doctor
  Character:
      Eleventh_Doctor, River_Song, Future_Doctor_(Doctor_Who)
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-01-20 Words: 1686
****** Whole Other Birthday Suit ******
by Turn_of_the_Sonic_Screw
Summary
     The Eleventh Doctor is more than a little surprised by the guest
     River brings along on their date.
Notes
     Originally posted at eleventy-kink.livejournal.com at: http://
     eleventy-kink.livejournal.com/365.html?thread=1714285t1714285
     The future Doctor in this story is female, and brown-skinned (I
     imagine that she looks vaguely Mediterranean/Middle Eastern-ish) and
     physically youthful (I'm tagging underage just to be safe, because in
     my mind, she looks fifteen or sixteen, but she's actually the oldest
     person in a room of very old people, and it isn't even close). She
     isn't having any appearance-driven hormonal issues that would impact
     consent-giving, either. Mentally and emotionally, she's centuries
     upon centuries old, and fully mature.
The Doctor whistled merrily as he spun through the console room, twisting knobs
and slapping buttons. Ponds dropped safely in Upper Leadworth? Check. Dalek
plan blown to oblivion? Check! Date night with the missus? Definitely check! He
laughed aloud and clicked his heels as the TARDIS landed in a nearby park. He
was still whistling when he reached the little New New Parisian bistro.
“Reservation, monsieur?”
“Table for two, the Doctor.”
The android maitre 'd cocked its head to one side. “Not found.”
He rolled his eyes in response. “Table for two, John Smith?” He guessed.
“Not found.”
“Try table for three, River Song,” a rich, feminine voice suggested. “Sorry,
honey,” she apologized and drew him into a kiss. “Things came up and I had to
change our reservation.” Standing next to her was a teenage girl.
***
The Doctor waited until they were inside before saying anything, in an unusual
display of restraint. “Hello, I'm the Doctor!” he introduced himself to the
girl.
“I know,” she replied, voice peevish.
“Excuse me,” an older woman from the next table leaned over. “I just wanted to
say how nice it is that the two of you youngsters are taking your mother out to
eat.” She looked up and away, clearly thinking of someone else, but missing the
icy glares from all three of the people she was nominally addressing. “Some
families don't have that kind of closeness...they just grow apart...” She
realized they were staring at her, and blushed. “I suppose I was rambling a
bit, and interrupting. Please forgive an old lady her indiscretion.”
“Of course,” River told her, feeling sorry for her despite her faux pas.
The Doctor, on the other hand, was too terrified to say anything for the
moment. The girl had a light-brown complexion, but with Time Lords, that hardly
mattered. “River,” he asked, “she's not our daughter, is she?”
“Don't be silly,” River replied. “Us? Raise a child?”
“I'm you,” the girl continued. “Will be you, a few regenerations from now.”
“Really?” the Doctor asked. “But I'm—”
“Yes, yes, the last one.” The girl waved her hand. “There are ways around the
limit, you know that. I suppose the cat's out of the bag now, though you'll
forget by the time it happens, as I recall.”
“So I wind up being a girl?” the male Doctor asked. “How's that treating me?”
“Not bad,” she replied. “I've had a few female bodies by now—this regeneration
cycle is a lot more flexible than the last one. Not that that's hard; I mean,
really, thirteen white blokes in a row? That's impressive.”
“Thank you,” the male Doctor replied, tone wavering from pride to embarrassment
with surprising ease.
“Anyway, the worst bit is being so young!” She rolled her eyes. “I mean, can
you picture me telling someone that I'm the Oncoming Storm? Nobody takes me
seriously! I actually have to have a plan instead of trading on my terrifying
appearance and hoping they all back down, though I suppose you'd know something
about that yourself.” The male Doctor narrowed his eyes at his future self.
“On the bright side, this body is very energetic,” River pointed out.
“River!” The male Doctor's eyes went as big as Dalek saucers. “Look at her!
She's—”
“Thousands of years old,” River concluded dryly. “I know. Hard to believe. And
a demon in the sack. Now quit gaping and pick something from the menu.” She
smirked gleefully. “There's so much to choose from.”
***
River and the Doctors went back to the female Doctor's TARDIS, tucked into a
back alley. “I'll let the two of you catch up,” River cooed. “I just need to
freshen up a touch.”
The male Doctor turned to his elder counterpart. “Look, I don't know how much
you can say, but this is going to be my first time with River, and she is our
wife, so...”
“You'll be fine,” the female Doctor. She hesitated. “Look, I've already been
through this as you, so the ball's in your court: do you want to?...”
The male Doctor blushed. “Sure, why not? As long as you don't mind, of course.”
They shared a laugh. “We haven't yet!” they chorused.
River returned to the bedroom. Both Doctors gulped; they had the distinct
impression that she no longer had a stitch on beneath her dress. “Let's get my
poor blushing husband out of his tweed,” she said, and the two women stalked
him like wolves.
“Be gentle with the bowtie!” he pleaded as the female Doctor snapped one of his
braces.
“Of course!” River said, which surprised him given how destructive she tended
to be towards his clothing. “We'll be wanting it later,” she breathed in his
ear. “Now stop flapping your arms like that, or we'll never get you out of that
jacket.”
“Yes, dear.” He moaned as they spun him around and stripped him out of his
clothes. Usually he rather liked a bit of angular momentum, but there weren't
usually warm, female hands pressing against his body, fiddling with buttons and
zippers. He opened his eyes when it was all over. “Well, that wasn't too bad.”
The two women glanced down at his sizable erection. “I should say not,” the
female Doctor began.
“Not bad at all,” River added, giving him a comforting stroke. He gulped and
their eyes met and shifted to the oldest person in the room. “Well,” she began,
peeling off her dress, “that leaves one of us. Care to give us a show?” She led
the male Doctor to the bed and sat him down in the middle, curling up next to
him to watch as the female Doctor unbuttoned a close-fitting crimson cardigan,
then her blouse, before tossing both of them off at once. “Wouldn't do for you
to come too soon,” she whispered as the female Doctor unclasped her bra. “But a
bit of teasing won't go awry.”
“Blimey, do I really have breasts in the future? Like that?” He brushed his
hair out of his eyes. “I thought I was a girl for about a minute when I
regenerated.”
“This skirt's not the best for showing off,” the female Doctor said of the
flowing hounds-tooth wool that reached down to her calves. “But it has pockets!
And I can run in it!” She laughed and flung it across the room.
“But can you run in your stockings?” the male Doctor rejoined, and got a pair
of panties in the nose for his trouble. “That was—” His clever rejoinder died
unfinished as she walked towards them, untying the paisley cravat around her
throat and setting it down meaningfully next to his bowtie.
“You might as well bring those over here,” River whispered.
“River, I—”
“Hush, husband: it's your first time; you'll never last if you set the tempo.”
She smiled in that sort of melancholy, wistful way that he had been seeing
quite a few times of late: first kiss, first date; last date, last kiss. And
now, last shag. Well, he mused as they tied his wrists to the headboard, the
least he could do was make it a good one. Well, let her make it a good one.
Well, let her and himself make it a good one. Well, her and his future female
self, he amended as he watched the two of them play at the foot of the bed. He
fidgeted, as much as his current state would allow, trying to get the best
possible view of the two gorgeous women sharing a smooth, passionate kiss.
“Soon, love, soon,” River said as they broke the kiss, and turned to touch him,
hands like phantoms on the soles of his feet and the outsides of his calves
and—oh!--on the crooks of his knees. “I'd forgotten how nice those gangly legs
of yours look when you're uncontrollably horny and writhing for more,” she
said, smiling and looking as close to beatific as it was possible for River
Song to do. Not very, he decided a blink later as her mouth was on his tip.
His future self had moved with surprising grace to coil by his head; her
nipples brushed one ear, her tongue the other. “That's good, isn't it?” she
whispered, breath carrying a shiver down his spine.
“Oh...oh, yes. Yes, it is.” He stopped, realizing that River has stopped as
well, and is now...slinking? Crawling? Up his body, letting tight, golden curls
and the tips of her full breasts tease unreadable patterns on his skin.
“Please?”
“Well, since you asked so nicely...” She straightened up and eased herself down
and around him.
“Nice to let someone else take control for a little while, isn't it?” the
future Doctor whispered. “To let the weight of the universe slide from your
shoulders, if only for a few blessed minutes. And speaking of the divine...”
They paused to watch as River rode him magnificently, hands cupping her
wonderfully ripe breasts as they bounced, eyes wide open and hungry. “Of
course, just because you're on the bottom doesn't mean you can't steer things.
Little flinches, hard bucks, tensing your thighs just so...” she kissed him on
the cheek. “You'll know when you've done it right,” she continued before
bouncing up and behind River. “Because she'll gasp...just...so...” He exhaled
heavily as he watched his future self fondle their wife. “Ah, yes, that's the
one,” she noted as River gasped. “Just about ready to...” she trailed off as
they both came. “Simultaneous orgasm. Very hard to achieve outside of
porn...unless you have a Gallifreyan's sense of timing.” She grinned as River
slid off of him and freed his wrists. “Fortunately, we've got the whole night
to test that theory across all possible permutations. Top and bottom, side to
side, upside down...”
“Shut up and find out how you used to taste,” River told her, and the past
Doctor sat up to watch as his future self's head ducked between River's thighs.
It was going to be one hell of an educational opportunity, and he didn't plan
on missing a single sexy minute of it.
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