Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13739856.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      방탄소년단_|_Bangtan_Boys_|_BTS
  Relationship:
      Kim_Seokjin_|_Jin/Kim_Taehyung_|_V
  Character:
      Kim_Taehyung_|_V, Jung_Hoseok_|_J-Hope, Kim_Namjoon_|_RM, Kim_Seokjin_|
      Jin, Park_Jimin_(BTS), Jeon_Jungkook, Min_Yoongi_|_Suga
  Additional Tags:
      non-sexual_child_abuse, Child_Abuse, Violence, Incest, Sibling_Incest,
      Brother/Brother_Incest, Unhealthy_Relationships, Unhealthy_Coping
      Mechanisms, Consensual_Underage_Sex, Underage_Sex, Anxiety,
      Dermatophagia, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Explicit_Sexual_Content, Disturbing
      Themes
  Series:
      Part 3 of Of_Twilight,_Midnight_and_Morning_Light
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-02-19 Updated: 2018-03-18 Chapters: 2/? Words: 10285
****** Whispers at Midnight ******
by Trilluvium
Summary
     Where Jimin and Yoongi's lives were carefree, simple, and easy,
     Seokjin and Taehyung's were full of hardship, fear, and pain. In the
     end, the brothers only had each other.
     Prequel to In the Twilight Air
Notes
     I'm gonna be honest, I was at a dark place in my life when I wrote
     this. This was my way of relieve my own anxiety.
     Read the tags. That's the only warning you'll get.
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Chapter 1 *****
Life is a slippery slope.
That’s all that would come to Seokjin’s mind when he thought about the near-
apocalyptic disaster his life had become. There were never any major events
that tossed him from one path to another like a book character on a hero’s
journey - no massive earthquake that drove rifts into his morality or otherwise
abruptly changed who he was as a person. Everything started small. Little
things happened. Little things built the foundation so slowly and
inconspicuously that Seokjin never realized how far his fate had spiraled away
from him until it was too late.
It wasn’t a secret that their father was less than ideal when it came to well-
rounded parental figures. He was often working late and when he wasn’t, he
usually had a bottle of alcohol in hand. The little things. The little changes.
It started as just beer. Then it became a shot. Then it became two. Then the
glasses were forgotten in favor of the bottles themselves.
Little things. It started as just yelling. Throwing things. Pushing. The first
time their father hit Seokjin, Taehyung had been four. Or maybe he’d been five
– Seokjin couldn’t remember. Sometimes the details slipped away from him.
Other details stuck with him like stench on a rotting corpse.
Like the day he had to push Taehyung into his closet. He remembered the little
boy’s dark eyes wide with fear as Seokjin shut the door, frantically whispering
for him to stay put. He remembered how his father pushed him over and pulled at
his hair and hit him. He remembered how he was drenched in alcohol when his
father threw the mostly-empty bottle at him.
Seokjin could still smell the urine that soaked the carpet in the closet when
he finally let Tae out hours later, after their father had passed out on the
couch. Even though he needed to go to the bathroom, Taehyung had obediently
listened to Seokjin and stayed in the closet. He remembered taking Tae into the
bathroom and cleaning him off with a warm washcloth, kissing him and whispering
soothing words to calm his little brother. He remembered the young boy’s
fingers as they gently touched the bruises swelling on Seokjin’s face, his
quiet voice as he asked his older brother if it hurt. Taehyung was six. Seokjin
remembered that.
Seokjin felt nothing but anger and hatred for their mother, for her death, for
forcing them to live in terror. Taehyung was just a baby, and Seokjin knew he
had to protect him like their mother never could. Even if it meant one less
meal. Even if it meant two more blows. His father had yet to lay a hand on
Taehyung, but Seokjin knew that if he did, it would start small. Those little
things. Seokjin would never let their father hurt Tae.
There was a time in which Seokjin thought that their father couldn’t help
himself. He believed his lies – that if only he would be good, listen to him,
do as he said – then he wouldn’t have to beat him. He thought that the alcohol
made him the way he was, like he couldn’t control himself, it wasn’t his fault.
Their father would cry as he sobered up, holding Seokjin tight in his arms and
begging for forgiveness, promising him that he would be better – that
everything would be better.
It never got better.
When teachers started asking questions, the bruises on his face and arms faded
away, but the bruises on his chest and back grew darker. That was when Seokjin
tossed out any delusion that their father wasn’t perfectly aware of how he
treated his eldest son.
Since Taehyung was five, he would sneak into Seokjin’s room and snuggle up with
him beneath his ratty comforter. Even after Seokjin spent the next year saving
up all the coins he’d been stealing from the dryer or from the pockets of his
father’s dirty jeans to buy Tae a nice, soft blanket, the little boy would
simply drag it over to Seokjin’s room where the elder brother would burrito
Taehyung up and cuddle him until he fell asleep. Seokjin would set his alarm
early for the next morning so he could carry Tae back to his room before their
father found him out of place.
Seokjin remembered when Taehyung would wet the bed and cry because he was
embarrassed, but Seokjin was never mad at him – and he most certainly never
punished him for it like their father surely would. He would just kiss Tae’s
head and help him clean up the mess. He remembered how Tae promised him that he
would work really hard to be a good boy. He remembered that Tae was eleven the
last time he wet the bed.
Seokjin remembered the day he’d talked back to his father and how red the
drunkard’s face had turned. Seokjin had been angry, so angry – so, he talked
back. He told his father no. No, he would not make him a TV dinner. When his
father grabbed his arm and twisted it almost to the breaking point, Seokjin
screamed as loud as he could, praying that the neighbors would hear, and
someone would take him and Taehyung far away from their hell.
Seokjin remembered being dragged into his father’s bedroom and being stripped
naked so the man could beat him with a leather belt, leaving red welts across
his arms, legs, and back. He remembered blinding pain as the bones in his
fingers broke beneath boots in punishment for trying to guard his body from the
blows.
He remembered his father had left him dizzy and weak on the bed with a promise
to strangle him if he made any noise. He could hear him answer the door, faking
his surprise at arrival of the police. He showed off his healthy, happy boy
Taehyung and – look how sweet he is, I could never hurt him, he doesn’t have a
mark on his body!
Homemade splints didn’t quite do the trick. Crooked fingers served as a
reminder of what would happen if he disobeyed their father again.
When Tae was six, he met Jimin. Jimin was always bright and happy. Seokjin knew
that Tae needed Jimin, so he made sure to bring Tae to the park so they could
play together. The two often just followed Seokjin around like a train of
ducklings behind a mother duck. Jimin never came over to their house – he
didn’t need to know what went on behind closed doors. Seokjin was willing to do
anything to ensure that Jimin and Tae stayed friends. Tae deserved to have
something normal in his life.
Seokjin would take care of Taehyung when he had his fits – uncontrollable
sobbing that left the young boy weak, sometimes crying until he vomited or
passed out. The fits came and went, sometimes triggered by an event – like when
Seokjin found a few quarters and bought Taehyung a popsicle that almost
immediately slipped out of the younger brother’s hands – but sometimes came out
of nowhere. Seokjin would hold him and comfort him and try to muffle the cries
so their dad wouldn’t hear.
When Taehyung was seven, Seokjin found out he was ten. He stared down at the
tattered paper that was his birth certificate that he’d found while cleaning
one day. Their father had never celebrated his birthday – only Taehyung’s. For
some reason, Seokjin had come to accept the fact that maybe he didn’t have a
birthday. Surely at some point he’d had one, but it must have been taken away
from him. The little yellowed page told him otherwise. He was a normal boy,
just like Taehyung. That year, he and Taehyung held a celebration for Seokjin
in the form of a whispered Happy Birthday song underneath their blanket late at
night and a cookie Taehyung had stolen from school.
Seokjin remembered the month their father refused to let them wash their
clothes. He had to swallow his pride to bring his and Tae’s laundry to school
to ask Hoseok to wash it for them. He was twelve. They stood next to a
flowering tree near the far end of the school’s soccer field as Seokjin sobbed
in front of his friend with his little bag of dirty clothes, and Hoseok had
held him and told him everything was going to be okay.
There was something about letting himself become so vulnerable to Hoseok that
Seokjin hated. It shredded at his insides like he’d swallowed a stack of
knives. Seokjin started avoiding him. Hoseok had always been his best friend,
but by the time a year had passed, the two never spoke. Hoseok moved on,
finding a group of new friends, and never spared Seokjin a second glance.
Slowly but surely, the beatings died down. Seokjin wasn’t entirely sure what
led to the change. Maybe it was because Seokjin was getting older, a bit taller
and broader. Maybe his father was too drunk to bother. There were still
occasional fits of rage, but nothing nearly as bad as Seokjin had dealt with in
the past.
Seokjin would clean their rooms and wash their clothes before their father got
home from work. The older brother would make a small meal for them with
whatever food was available in the fridge – not too much though, or his father
would notice.  He would help Tae get up in the morning. When he packed his
brother’s lunch, he made sure that it was at least twice the amount of food
that Seokjin had. He’d found that apples were cheap and kept well even beneath
his bed.
By the time Tae had turned eleven, he practically lived in Seokjin’s room. They
didn’t bother hiding the fact, either, and their father neither noticed or
cared. They would kiss each other good night and fall asleep cuddled
comfortably together only to wake up all tangled up in each other’s limbs. As
long as they didn’t do anything that drew their father’s attention, the two
lived peacefully within their own world together.
It worked out well when Seokjin was in middle school and Tae in elementary, but
high school started an hour earlier. Seokjin remembered taking Taehyung with
him every morning and dropping him off at Jimin’s house even though it meant it
would take an extra thirty minutes to get to school. He remembered kissing his
brother a hundred times before he left him, telling him not to cry and that he
would come pick him up after school.
And then Seokjin met Yoongi.
Seokjin was fifteen. Yoongi was a broody, dark-eyed, dark-haired, dark-clothed
teen who transferred to their school in the last half of freshman year. And
Seokjin was obsessed. He didn’t understand why he was so keen on getting the
other teen’s attention. Yoongi never really seemed to care about anything but
listening to music and writing in his journals.
He released butterflies in Seokjin’s stomach in a way he’d never experienced
before. At first, he couldn’t recognize his feelings for what they were. He
thought the teen was cool, that’s all. That’s what made him attempt small talk
every day. That’s what made him blush and fidget when the younger teen turned
his gaze towards him.
Or because he was lonely. Definitely because he was lonely. Since he and Hoseok
stopped talking, Seokjin never went out in search of a new friend. Who would
want to be friends with him, anyway? Everyone knew him as the weird kid who
smelled bad and flinched when people stood too close to him, the one who
stuttered when he spoke and cried when confronted.
But Yoongi was new; he didn’t know all that about Seokjin. In those first few
weeks as Seokjin worked up the courage to talk to the other teen, Yoongi could
have yelled at him – could have sent him away for being creepy or stalkerish –
but he didn’t. He didn’t say anything when Seokjin began sitting a few seats
closer in class each week, or when Seokjin began sitting at his table at lunch
despite the fact that Yoongi certainly looked like he wanted to be alone.
Before Seokjin ever managed to say anything, Yoongi started talking. His voice
was gruff, speech slow and casual, and it made Seokjin’s heart flutter. Yoongi
just talked. For days, he would talk without any response from Seokjin – about
music, about the lyrics that he’d been trying to write or his poetry, about
books he was reading. He talked about how the new school differed from his old
school and how much it sucked to not have any friends.
Seokjin told him that they could be friends. They were the first words he’d
ever said to Yoongi, and it was the first time he'd ever seen Yoongi smile.
He wanted to be with Yoongi always. His heart raced whenever they were close,
and he was always hoping Yoongi would lean against him. Sometimes when they sat
on Yoongi’s couch, Seokjin would sit a little bit too close so that the backs
of their hands would brush together. Other times when they were hanging out, he
would pretend to fall asleep, letting his head rest against Yoongi’s shoulder.
Despite his rough exterior, Yoongi was kind and thoughtful. After realizing
Seokjin never had enough food, during lunchtime Yoongi would complain about how
his mother packed too much food and begged Seokjin to take it off his hands
otherwise he would get fat and ugly. Seokjin wasn’t so dumb that he didn’t
recognize what Yoongi was doing, but he wasn’t about to turn down the food.
When Seokjin had panic attacks after confrontations with other students, Yoongi
was there to stand up for him, to hold his hand and say soft words until
Seokjin felt better. Seokjin would cry and apologize for being a burden, but
Yoongi always assured him that he wasn't. They were friends. Friends took care
of each other. Seokjin always felt like Yoongi did a lot more of the caring,
but still Yoongi told him it was fine.
As summer came up, Yoongi also suddenly had old clothes that he didn’t want
anymore and asked Seokjin to take them off his hands. Seokjin pretended not to
notice that some of the ‘old’ clothes were in Seokjin’s size. Then, Yoongi’s
mother had unearthed some of Yoongi’s ‘old’ clothes from years ago that were
perfectly in Taehyung’s size. Seokjin was convinced that Yoongi was actually an
angel in disguise – as close to a blessing a person in hell could receive.
He remembered how his father had backhanded him so hard he blacked out for a
few minutes because he’d thought Seokjin had stolen the clothes. It was the
first time his father had hit him in over a year. The clothes were thrown out
that night.
He remembered the concern on Yoongi’s face when he saw Seokjin’s black eye.
That look made Seokjin feel sick to his stomach. He didn’t want Yoongi’s pity.
He couldn’t have Yoongi’s pity. He wouldn’t let Yoongi see him as weak as
Hoseok had seen him. He and Taehyung had been roughhousing. That was the story
he told Yoongi.
It was late summer when Seokjin finally came to terms with his sexuality. He
was gay, and he was in love with his best friend Yoongi.
The revelation had come to him in the middle of the night. He remembered the
musty scent of his dirty pillow as he choked out sobs as quietly as possible so
he didn’t wake Taehyung up who was resting so peacefully beside him. He was
ashamed and embarrassed – he wanted to die.
But then Tae tossed his blue blanket over Seokjin’s body and curled up against
his back, arms wrapped around his waist. Seokjin grasped Taehyung’s hand. If
only Taehyung knew. If he knew the thoughts that Seokjin had about his friend,
Taehyung wouldn’t love him. He wouldn’t hold Seokjin. He’d wish he had a new,
less-perverted brother. So, Seokjin did everything he could to keep his dark
side away from Taehyung.
But then Seokjin went and ruined it all.
It was another one of those detailed memories.
It was early afternoon. The air had a cold bite to it but also had a nice fresh
scent. School had been scheduled to let out two hours early, so Seokjin knew he
and Tae would have a few hours to themselves before their parents got home.
They loved days like those because it gave them more time to hang out with
Jimin and Yoongi.
As much as Seokjin loved his brother, he also loved the half an hour he had
between getting home and leaving again to pick Taehyung up from school. The
relief he found in that time was like a weight lifting off his shoulders. He
knew something was wrong with him – no one else pleasured themselves as often
as he did. He was sick – perverted – but he couldn’t stop his urges.
With Tae living in his bedroom for the past year and a half and fear of his
father hearing him in the bathroom, Seokjin had little to no other
opportunities. Of course, that wasn’t counting those shameful nights when he
quietly got himself off while his brother slept peacefully beside him.
When he was alone after school, he had a magazine he’d found lying in the
street. Seokjin would start with that, but his thoughts always drifted towards
Yoongi, and the magazine was left forgotten in favor of fantasies about the
pale teen.
After picking up Taehyung, they went straight to Jimin’s house. Whenever they
had time, they would go over to play games with him and Yoongi. Usually the
younger two would lay stomach down on the ground, fingers mashing on the
controller buttons with skill that made Seokjin wonder if Tae had been born
with a Playstation in his hands. The two would tease and laugh and their in-
game fighting would often lead to them wrestling around.
Seokjin loved days like those. He loved watching his brother play, ignoring all
the hardships in their life. He loved sitting on the couch next to Yoongi who
was comfortable enough to sit shoulder to shoulder so he could show Seokjin
whatever was going on the screen of his phone. Seokjin was thankful that he had
managed to work out all his stress earlier. Sometimes being around Yoongi was
difficult. Seokjin could smell his friend’s clean scent. He always smelled like
he’d just gotten out of the shower and pulled his clothes right from the dryer.
Seokjin used to be self-conscious about his own smell, but Yoongi never
mentioned it.
Seokjin considered himself lucky that his friend didn’t mind hanging out
Taehyung and his friend. Jimin had turned thirteen not too long ago, just two
years shy of Seokjin and Yoongi’s fifteen, but few sophomores would be willing
to hang out with seventh graders. Ever since they’d introduced Yoongi and
Jimin, Taehyung insisted that if he was hanging out with Seokjin and Yoongi,
Jimin had to come with, too.
Seokjin knew that sometimes Yoongi and Jimin would hang out even if Tae and
Seokjin weren’t there. A part of him was jealous. Yoongi was supposed to be his
friend. Being jealous of his little brother’s friend was ridiculous, though.
Jimin was a cute kid and almost hilariously opposite from Yoongi’s stoic
disposition. Once he got past the stupid possessiveness, Seokjin thought that
their friendship was actually quite cute. 
Like every other time when Seokjin and Tae visited, Jimin’s mother supplied
them with mountains of food, even stuffing their pockets full of pre-packaged
baked goods to hide beneath their beds if they ever got hungry. Seokjin would
always blush and insist they didn’t need it, but never protested enough to keep
them from walking away with full arms. He always wondered if she knew, or if
she just thought they needed to eat more because they were so thin.
The two brothers got home with a bit of time to spare only to realize there was
a note on the kitchen whiteboard that showed their father would be out for an
event that evening. Seokjin remembered the gleeful look in Taehyung’s eyes when
Seokjin told him to go grab his blanket, because they were going to watch a
movie before they did homework. Seokjin started cleaning up the living room as
Tae rushed down the hall.
The house smelled as awful as ever, the moldy, boozy smell saturating the
carpets. Seokjin wished he could open the windows to let in some fresh air, but
if he let in the cold, then they’d need to keep the heaters running, and their
father hated a house that was too warm. There was a pile of the disgusting
man’s clothes on the ground by the recliner that reeked, so Seokjin snatched
them up to deposit in the back bedroom.
Taehyung had taken far too long to have just grabbed his blanket, so Seokjin
stuck his head into his room to see what he was doing. He stopped short when
the boy shot upright, a guilty look on his face. Seokjin frowned before
noticing the magazine in Tae’s hands. Dread filled his stomach. Judging by
Tae’s expression, he knew exactly what the magazine was for, and what it meant
about Seokjin.
Tae whimpered and made a motion to drop the magazine, but Seokjin had already
stomped over and snatched it away from him. The boy flinched, his eyes widening
in surprise at the aggression he’d never seen from his older brother. He cried
out in fear when Seokjin grabbed his wrist, twisting it hard, yelling at him to
stay away from his things. The younger boy’s knees gave out immediately, and he
shrieked as Seokjin dragged him to the door and threw him into the hallway.
Seokjin slammed the door as hard as he could. His whole body was shaking,
trembling with adrenaline. He looked down at the magazine and its lewd images.
They stared back at him, mocking him. It was disgusting to think that just a
few hours before he had been looking at those pictures for pleasure. Seokjin
grit his teeth and muffled a scream of anger, the rough vibrations burning his
throat. He shredded the magazine, pulling and ripping the material relentlessly
just to leave it in pieces littered across the carpet.
Breathing heavily after his outburst, the white noise that had filled Seokjin’s
ears slowly started to fade, and he realized he could hear Taehyung in his
room, sobbing.
Shame and regret gripped Seokjin’s heart. Tae had looked up at him with a fear
that Seokjin had never seen directed towards him. His eyes had been wide, full
of tears, his fingers shaking when Seokjin snatched the magazine away. Seokjin
could still feel how his brother had completely ragdolled beneath his grip,
letting himself be thrown around like Seokjin used to do when his father came
after him.
Seokjin stared down at his hands, a sense of helplessness coming over him. He
collapsed on his bed and curled up, crying and silently begging forgiveness
from Taehyung. How could he expect Tae to forgive him, though? His father often
apologized for hurting him, but Seokjin had learned long ago not to trust his
words.
Now Tae would never trust him again. Seokjin wouldn’t blame him. He knew that
he’d done the unforgivable. He was no better than his father. Taehyung would
fear him. Taehyung would be disgusted with him, knowing what he was.
Seokjin cried so hard he was sure that he was going to shrivel up and die. He
cried so hard he didn’t even realize someone had entered his room until a
little blue blanket was tossed over his body.
Startled, Seokjin lifted his head. Through tear-blurred vision, he saw his
little brother standing by his bed, red streaks down his face. Before Seokjin
could say something, Taehyung crawled on the bed and began tucking the blanket
around Seokjin’s body, just like Seokjin used to do for him.
Seokjin couldn’t stop the sobs from returning as Taehyung worked, meticulously
stuffing the edges of the worn-out material between Seokjin’s chest and the bed
before clambering over him to do the same along his back. Seokjin sobbed harder
than he ever had in his life, his body wracked with every forceful outcry and
gasp for breath. He squeezed his eyes shut as his brother finished tucking him
in as best he could with the old blanket.
Taehyung squeezed between Seokjin’s arms and cuddled against his chest, his
eyelashes brushing against Seokjin’s collarbone every time he blinked. He
waited patiently for Seokjin’s cries to calm until they were nothing but
hiccups. Taehyung lifted his head and gently kissed his brother’s cheek. “I
love you, Seokjin.”
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
“Jin, you have to date Yoongi.”
Seokjin’s fingers froze on the page he’d been turning when his brother
interrupted the silence with a rather absurd statement. The two were lounging
on Jin’s bed, Seokjin’s back resting against the wall at the head of the bed
and Tae’s back against the wall along the side of the bed. Their legs were
comfortably crossed together.
The book Seokjin was reading was some high fantasy novel, one that immediately
drew you in from the very first paragraph – the sort of book that made it feel
like nothing else was happening in the real world. It was Seokjin’s favorite
type of book.
Being so immersed into this other world was part of why it took Seokjin a
moment to process his brother’s words. He stared down at the page, not really
seeing it as he repeated the words in his head. Even after going over them a
few times, it still didn’t make sense.
The older brother looked up to meet the younger’s gaze. Taehyung’s brown eyes
were wide, his eyebrows turned up slightly in a serious look. He had his own
book in hand, but Jin realized that his younger brother hadn’t opened it since
he’d settled down with it thirty minutes prior.
Seeing the confusion on Seokjin’s face, Taehyung repeated himself. “You have to
date Yoongi.”
Seokjin let out a short laugh and lowered his eyes back to his book. “Yeah,
okay.”
“I’m serious.” Taehyung pulled himself up to his knees and took Seokjin’s book
away from him.
“Hey, that’s – “
“You have to date Yoongi.”
Seokjin sighed and rolled his eyes. He loved his brother, but there were times
he could be obnoxious. “Why do you think I need to date Yoongi?”
“Because if you don’t, Jimin and Yoongi are going to start dating.”
Again, Seokjin found himself staring incredulously at his brother. “Taehyung,
just because they’re friends and hang out all the time doesn’t mean they’re
gay.”
“But they are gay, so that means they’re gonna start dating!” Tae’s voice
raised a bit, and he instinctively ducked, waiting for a reprimand from his
older brother for potentially drawing their father’s attention.
The pointed look never came, though. Seokjin sat with an expression of deep
confusion, his eyes darting between Tae’s as though searching for some hint of
a joke. “They’re not gay.”
Tae’s eyes widened a bit at that. “Yoongi didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?” Seokjin’s voice became a bit sharper, his patience running
thin. He didn’t want to play games about a sensitive subject. He’d never told
Taehyung that he had a crush on Yoongi, but Taehyung knew him better than
anyone else so Seokjin wouldn’t be surprised if the younger teen had figured it
out already.
The younger brother blushed and scratched his head, looking a bit nervous.
“Jimin told me that he and Yoongi are gay. I thought Yoongi would have told you
already.”
Seokjin let out a soft laugh and rolled his eyes again. “Are you sure he wasn’t
joking?”
“He wasn’t. He said that he’s thought he’s been gay for a while now, but he
finally got the courage to come out.” Tae shuffled forward, his eyes still
boring into Seokjin’s in a way that almost made the elder feel uncomfortable.
“He came out to Yoongi first, and then Yoongi told him that he was gay, too.”
Seokjin fidgeted beneath Tae’s gaze, unable to make eye contact. Yoongi
couldn’t be gay. Yoongi definitely would have told him first. Right? He and
Yoongi were best friends. Of course, Seokjin was conveniently ignoring the fact
that he’d known he was gay since the end of summer and had yet to say anything
to Yoongi. Every time he wanted to, he got this awful image in his head of
Yoongi looking disgusted, maybe yelling at him for taking advantage of their
friendship or, even worse, accusing him of trying to seduce him.
To hear that Yoongi might be gay made the teen’s heart flutter uncontrollably
in his chest.
“If you don’t date Yoongi, he’s gonna date Jimin and I can’t afford to lose my
friend.” A flash of anxiety passed over the younger teen. “He’s my only
friend.”
“They’re not gonna date.”
“You don’t know that!”
“Jimin is thirteen. Yoongi is sixteen. They’re not going to date.”
“I can’t afford to lose my only friend!” Taehyung flinched as Jin shot him that
piercing look that told him he was being too loud.
“Tae, first of all, you’re not going to lose Jimin. Even if they start dating,
they’re still going to be our friends.” Seokjin reached forward and ruffled his
fingers through Taehyung’s fluffy hair. “Besides, I’ll always be here for you.”
Taehyung stared at him for a moment longer before his tense expression
loosened, and he smiled. “You’re right.” He handed Seokjin his book and settled
down beside him, snuggled against his side with his leg thrown over Jin’s. The
two brothers hardly knew the meaning of personal space anymore.
Seokjin flipped back to the page he’d been reading when Taehyung started
talking, but he found that he couldn’t concentrate. His mind was racing. Was
Yoongi really gay? It was possible that Jimin was lying to Taehyung, but
usually his jokes were short-lived because he was unable to contain his
excitement long enough to keep a joke going.
Seokjin’s heart thudded erratically within his chest. He imagined himself and
Yoongi sitting in the little alcove behind unused lockers where they usually
spent their lunch hour. They would just be chatting casually, nothing out of
the ordinary. But then, Yoongi’s moving a bit closer – they can’t stop smiling
at each other – Yoongi’s hand is on his thigh – and then Yoongi’s whispering
confessions of true love into Seokjin’s ear while he blushes in that cute way
he does whenever he gets embarrassed. Just as Yoongi was about to pull back in
fear of being rejected, Seokjin would turn his head and their lips would find
each other’s without hesitation.
Heat flushed Jin’s face and chest; it wasn’t the only time he’d imagined his
and Yoongi’s first kiss, but it was the first time that it felt like maybe it
wasn’t such a farfetched idea as he’d once thought. He closed his eyes and let
the fantasy continue, from the kiss that slowly built until Yoongi was under
him. The younger teen would be whimpering, trying desperately to be quiet as
Seokjin pressed himself down against him, grinding, kissing. In his mind he
could feel Yoongi’s heat beneath his body, smell the wonderful clean scent that
he associated with his friend, feel his soft lips against his.
A small movement from Taehyung as he adjusted himself against Seokjin made the
older brother blush and wrench himself away from such thoughts. With how often
he dreamt and thought about sex, Seokjin was certain something was wrong with
him. Surely other boys his age didn’t think about sex as much as he did. He
knew that Yoongi didn’t. Yoongi was perfect in every way. Perfect face, perfect
lips, perfect dip from his stomach into his hips, just above the waistband to
his boxers if his pants rode a little low and he was stretching in that perfect
way…
Seokjin shook his head.
He really needed to control his fantasies.
 
 
Jin couldn’t control his fantasies. He thought about Yoongi every day since
Taehyung had given him the news. That on its own wasn’t anything new, but he
found it difficult to even concentrate on anything but Yoongi when the two were
together. Each time the younger teen turned to him, Seokjin felt his heart rate
spike in anticipation of Yoongi finally coming out to him. When he didn’t,
Seokjin eased his disappointment by reminding himself that Yoongi would come
out when he felt comfortable and that Seokjin couldn’t rush that.
For the next week, Seokjin waited. He sat with rapt attention as well as he
could when they spoke, but he often found himself drifting into another one of
his fantasies where Yoongi abruptly stopped speaking and kissed him. Seokjin
had always wanted to kiss Yoongi, but the urge had bloomed into an
uncomfortable pressure that almost had him leaning in for one on two different
occasions.
Which was why Seokjin fidgeted nervously in the other teen’s presence in their
little secluded alcove at school during the lunch hour on Friday. Yoongi had
yet to tell Seokjin, but that was okay. He would soon enough. Seokjin had
prepared a cute little monologue for when he did, complete with loving Yoongi
for exactly how he was, and then confessing his own feelings for the pale teen.
Even just sitting near the teen, Seokjin found it difficult to focus on
anything but Yoongi’s long fingers as they tapped out texts on his phone or on
the teen’s tongue as it flitted past his teeth every few minutes to wet his
lips.
There was still a bit of doubt hiding in the back of Seokjin’s mind. It was
possible that they had it all wrong, and Yoongi wasn’t gay. The doubt was
small, but it was present, rearing its head after every shameful time Seokjin
had touched himself while thinking of his friend. He couldn’t stop himself.
Those few moments were hot and intense, and after his sweet release each time
he feared that he’d woken up his brother sleeping beside him. Thankfully, the
younger teen was blissfully unaware of his brother’s sex-crazed mind.
“Seokjin.”
A hint of hesitation in Yoongi’s voice brought Seokjin back into reality. He
broadened his focus away from the other teen’s lips to his whole face – his
blinking eyes unable to make eye contact, wetting his lips multiple times in a
row, and a light sweat forming on his brow. Seokjin sat upright – this was it.
It had to be.
“Yeah?”
Yoongi swallowed and chewed on his bottom lip and took a deep breath. “I – uh –
well – ne-nevermind.” His face was taking on a deep blush that spread from his
nose to his ears. Seokjin always thought it was the cutest thing even though
Yoongi scoffed whenever he pointed it out.
This time Seokjin wouldn’t tease his friend, not when he was about to entrust
Seokjin with such delicate information. He reached forward and took Yoongi’s
hand. It was something Yoongi often did to help ease Seokjin’s anxiety, so he
hoped it had the same effect even if the roles were reversed. “Whatever it is,
you can tell me.”
Yoongi looked down at their hands and gave a light squeeze, still unable to
make eye contact. He stuttered and stammered a few more times before managing,
“You – don’t be mad at me. Okay?”
“Why would I be mad at you?”
“Just promise me.”
Jin smiled and tilted his head to the side. “I promise I won’t be mad at you.”
Yoongi glanced around, but there were no other students in their vicinity. He
took a deep breath, his shoulders rising and falling in a shaky motion. They
sat in silence for a moment longer. Yoongi’s eyes shifted back and forth before
muttering, “I think I like Jimin.”
With those few words, Seokjin felt like his head had been shoved underwater. He
replayed them over again in his head, quickly withdrawing his hand from
Yoongi's. That definitely wasn't how he was expecting his friend to start the
conversation. "What?" His voice was quiet, disbelieving.
Yoongi cringed and pulled his knees up to his chest, pressing his face between
them. "I'm gay," he whispered, his voice muffled and obviously shaking.
Seokjin took a deep breath, staring down at the ground. He didn't know what to
say. His mouth was dry and filled with a bitter taste. “Yoongi. You can’t date
a thirteen-year-old.”
“I wasn’t going to. It’s just a stupid crush,” Yoongi mumbled. His face was
red, and tears welled up in his eyes, but he didn’t cry. “Sorry – I shouldn’t –
it’s nothing serious. I shouldn’t have even brought it up.”
“No, no,” Seokjin rushed out, realizing that his suddenly distant disposition
made it seem like he disapproved of Yoongi’s sexuality. “I’m glad you did. It's
okay that you're gay.” Seokjin sighed and patted Yoongi on his shoulder, trying
not to let him drown himself in the sudden ocean of distress that he’d been
dunked into before. “Don’t worry, I don’t hate you.”
Jin wished he could just wither away. Throughout his entire shitty life, Yoongi
was one of the only things that wasn’t shit, and now their friendship felt
soured. It shouldn’t feel that way. If Seokjin was looking at it logically, was
there a difference between Straight Yoongi who would never date him and Gay
Yoongi who would never date him?
Seokjin’s mild ember of jealousy from Yoongi and Jimin’s friendship roared up
like a wildfire. If only Seokjin had done something to mitigate this. If only
he had been able to spend more time with Yoongi, more than Jimin. If only
Seokjin wasn’t broken. Maybe then Yoongi would like him.
“Jimin is gay, too,” Yoongi continued quietly, blissfully unaware of Seokjin’s
internal breakdown. “He came out to me, and I was like, ‘shit, if this kid can
come out like that, then I can too.’ So I did.”
Jin held back a derisive scoff. He gritted his teeth and forced out a “I’m glad
he could help you.” He found himself longing to curl up in bed with Taehyung,
burying his nose into his brother’s fluffy hair and listening to him hum a
little tune. Tae would probably press his face against Seokjin’s neck, kiss his
collarbone and make him feel like everything was going to be okay. In the end,
Seokjin only had his little brother. Although that was something he’d known for
a long time, sometimes it hurt to be reminded of it.
“Jin?”
The elder snapped his head up. He didn’t know how long the silence had
stretched between the two. Yoongi looked nervous, chewing on the inside of his
cheek and glancing at Seokjin only briefly.
“Sorry,” Seokjin mumbled, shaking his head. “Just a bit to take in, I guess.”
He didn’t like lying to his friend. Truthfully, he still wanted to confess, beg
Yoongi to choose him, choose his best friend over Jimin. But could Yoongi even
consider Jin his best friend anymore? He spent more time with Jimin outside of
school hours than with Jin.
Besides, it wasn’t like Jin had much going for him. Sure, he had a pretty face,
or so he’d been told, but his clothes were ragged, and he knew he smelled
terrible even though he’d long become used to the scent. Not to mention his
inability to maintain eye contact with anyone but Yoongi. Why would Yoongi
think twice about him when he had Jimin? Jimin was cute and friendly and funny
and everything that Seokjin was not.
Yoongi nodded, his finger mindlessly tugging on a thread sticking out from the
ripped hole in the knee of his jeans. “Thanks for not hating me,” he mumbled.
Seokjin sighed and gave his friend as warm a smile as he could manage. “I could
never hate you, Yoongi.”
 
 
That night, Seokjin found himself unable to concentrate on his homework.
Thankfully none of it was due the next day, but he still hated procrastinating.
The light from lamp on the floor next to Seokjin’s bed was a warm yellow,
casting long shadows along the wall. The sun had set a few hours ago, dipping
the house into a bitter cold, but the tiny space heater Seokjin had bought at
the beginning of autumn kept them warm.
Taehyung lay on his stomach beside Seokjin, propped up on his elbows as he read
from a textbook, his feet lifted in the air and shaking back and forth by
habit. Normally Jin would playfully smack Tae whenever he was fidgeting,
whether it was shaking his feet or bouncing his knee, and tell him that he’d
shake out all his luck. Today Seokjin couldn’t bring himself to be bothered.
Seokjin pressed his nose against Taehyung’s ribcage. His arm was thrown over
his little brother’s back. There was never quite enough room for both of them
on the twin-sized bed, and it was becoming increasingly difficult as they
continued to grow. Neither cared, so Jin lay partially on top of his brother,
enjoying the gentle rhythm of the younger teen’s heartbeat as he focused on his
homework.
Even beneath the same musky scent that clung to Seokjin, he could smell the
comforting scent of his brother. Despite always thinking of himself as the
protector, Seokjin had accepted that his brother protected him as well.
Whenever he had a bad day, Tae was there for him. When his father unleashed his
wrath on him, Tae was there for him.
The older brother drew his hand closer onto Taehyung’s back and began tracing
along the faded lines of the graphic tee. He didn’t want to think about Yoongi.
He wouldn’t think about Yoongi. He would only think about Tae, and how
wonderful Tae was to him. At this point, Seokjin figured he was indebted to his
brother for the rest of his life for all the younger had done for him.
“What’s up, Jin?”
Seokjin sighed and continued running his finger against the ragged edges of
what used to be white lettering. “Nothing.”
Taehyung let out a soft snort, slowly turning the page of his textbook. “Well,
that certainly convinced me. Glad to hear that nothing is up.”
Seokjin made little wordless grumbles and pressed his face tighter against
Tae’s side. While he could curse the fact that Taehyung always knew when
something was bothering him, he had to be honest with himself by acknowledging
the fact that he wasn’t really trying to hide it.
 He didn’t know if he wanted to tell Taehyung, though. Of course Tae would be
understanding and supportive and would never judge him, but it still felt
shameful. Movement from the younger teen made him lift slightly up so Taehyung
could roll onto his back, shoving the textbook aside.
“Did Yoongi come out to you today?”
Jin pouted out his lower lip and rested his chin on Tae’s chest. "Yeah."
Taehyung brushed his fingers through Jin’s hair. He didn’t say anything, just
looked down at him with a pensive look on his face. Despite being so young, Tae
had a somewhat weathered look to him. He had an adorable little wrinkle between
his eyebrows that came from worrying about Jin so much. Jin loved to kiss that
wrinkle. He also wondered if he, too, had the same weathered look. It was hard
to judge your own appearance. Jin always thought he looked homely anyway, so he
supposed that made him look weathered.
“Do you like Yoongi?”
Jin lowered head so he could rest his cheek on Taehyung’s chest. He didn’t want
to respond. He didn’t need to, really. As expected, the younger teen made a
noise of acknowledgement.
“And Yoongi likes Jimin.”
“Oh come on!” Jin exclaimed, lifting his head so he could aggressively pout at
his little brother. “How do you just know everything?”
Tae smiled and ruffled Jin’s hair. “You’re an open book, baby.”
Jin snorted and rolled his eyes at the stupid nickname, letting his forehead
drop down onto Tae’s chest again. The two sat in silence, contemplating the
situation. The younger’s gentle breathing was like a lullaby. Seokjin could
practically feel the time ticking on without them while they were stuck in
their own little world encased within Seokjin’s bedroom.
“Did you come out to Yoongi as well?”
Jin grunted and shook his head.
“Why not?”
Jin paused, then shrugged his shoulders.
Taehyung slipped his fingers beneath his chin and pulled up so they could see
each other. His brown eyes shifted back and forth between Jin’s as though
searching for something. “Why not?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes you do. You just don’t want to say it.” Tae narrowed his eyes and tapped
Jin on the forehead. “What’s going on up there?”
Jin groaned and rolled over, his shoulder digging into Tae’s stomach and
causing him to grunt. “I don’t know,” he drawled out, a twinge of annoyance in
his voice. “I just didn’t want to.”
Tae wiggled out from under his brother and sat upright, pulling Jin’s head onto
his leg. The older brother looked up at him, a pout still clear on his face.
“Is it because you’re still scared of coming out of the closet?”
Seokjin sighed and rolled again, burying his face between Tae’s thighs. “No,”
he whined.
Taehyung reached down and rubbed his hand in little circles on Jin’s back. “Are
you still ashamed about being gay?”
The elder groaned and shook his head.
“Are you ashamed that you like Yoongi?”
Jin felt himself getting choked up. It wasn’t that he was ashamed that he liked
Yoongi. He was ashamed that he fooled himself into thinking the other teen
would like him. He let out a soft sob into his brother’s lap as Taehyung ran
his fingers through his hair, letting his blunt nails drag against his skull in
a way that made goosebumps ripple down his body. Taehyung let out soft hushes
as he comforted his older brother, rifling through his hair.
"There's nothing wrong with falling in love with someone," Tae assured him,
brushing his fingers along Seokjin’s ear. His words sounded too wise l for a
thirteen-year-old. "You can't control who you fall in love with."
Seokjin pulled his head up and let his cheek rest against his brother’s leg,
relaxing under his calming touch. The warmth from the younger teen’s body was
incomparable to anything else. It was familiar, serene. Seokjin sighed as his
stress and frustrations started to melt away. He knew that they weren’t totally
gone and that eventually he would have to deal with his heartbreak, but for now
he could sit and bask in the pleasant aura that surrounded his brother.
“You know I’ll always love you, right?” Taehyung murmured, his voice almost
drowned out by the low hum of the heater sitting on the floor.
Jin turned upward to look at Tae. The younger’s brown eyes were shifting, his
gaze moving across Seokjin’s face. “Yeah, I know, Tae.”
“No matter what. Whether you start dating Yoongi or if Yoongi and Jimin start
dating. You’ll always have me.”
Seokjin smiled and lifted his head, letting Tae lean down and meet him halfway
for a quick kiss. “Yeah, I know that.” He sighed and moved off of Taehyung. The
younger teen leaned back, knees up, and propped his book against his thighs,
but held his hand out so Jin could continue to hold onto him.
 
 
The wind had a sharp bite to it as it blew through Seokjin’s raw fingers. One
hand was gripped tightly around the packages under his shirt and the other
tried to work the key into the front door as quietly as possible. The cold
metal stung his skin as he finally pressed it in and got the door open,
grimacing as it squeaked heavily on its hinges.
The air inside the house was only slightly warmer. If anything, the warmth that
Seokjin felt was due to the absence of the wind. He carefully slid the door
back into place, hoping that the sound didn’t carry. Sounds of some sports show
playing in the living room was drifting into the hallway, but if Jin was lucky
then his father was passed out.
Seokjin quietly sneaked down the hall. As he came up to the opening to the
living room, he carefully peeked his head around the corner; some stupid made-
for-TV movie was playing, and his father was clearly dead to the world on his
armchair. The teen took a deep breath and tiptoed past the living room, both
hands clutching his packages beneath his shirt.
Walking into his bedroom from the rest of the house was like night and day –
literally. While the hallway was cold, dark, and lit with blue hues from the
television stretching as far down as it could before diffusing out, Jin’s room
was warm and filled with a yellow glow that filled him with a sort of calm that
he couldn’t find anywhere else. His room also had Taehyung. Really, his room
wasn’t his, it was theirs.
Taehyung jumped up from the bed as soon as Seokjin opened the door. He ran to
greet him with a big hug, but the elder held his hand out to stop him from
crushing the packages. Tae stopped and eyed him curiously, his eyes wide and
adorable. Jin quietly shut the door behind him and wrapped an arm around
Taehyung, kissing the top of his head.
“Hey, baby brother. How was your day?” He kept his voice low so it wouldn’t
carry beyond the door.
“Fine. What do you have?” Taehyung poked at the boxy shapes beneath Jin’s
shirt.
“So impatient. Go sit on the bed.”
Tae rolled his eyes but did as he was told anyway. He bounced onto the side of
the bed, pulling his blanket into his lap by habit. His eyes got bigger as
Seokjin pulled the boxes from beneath his shirt and set them aside. Seokjin
slipped off his shoes and shrugged off his jacket, leaving them in a pile by
the door.
“You need a thicker jacket, Jin,” Taehyung said quietly, drawing his feet up
under his legs. “It’s way too cold to walk home from work in that.”
“It’s not that bad,” Seokjin lied, snatching up his packages again. “It’s only
a few miles. Walking keeps me warm. If I wore a thicker jacket, then I’d
sweat.” He took a seat next to Taehyung on the bed.
“What is it?” Taehyung asked again, clearly excited to know what Jin had been
hiding.
Jin laughed and shook his head. “Okay, so, as you know, today I got my first
paycheck.” He gave one of the boxes to Taehyung.
Taehyung looked down at the nondescript brown packaging. “What is it?”
“Open it up, dummy.”
The younger brother turned the box over in his hands a few times like he was
trying to discern its contents by external clues alone before slipping his
fingernails into the crack and breaking the seal.
Seokjin watched with secondhand excitement thrumming through his veins as Tae
lifted the lid off the box to reveal a sleek black rectangle. The younger
stared down at it, either in confusion or disbelief before his head suddenly
shot up, eyes wide.
“You got me a phone?” he whimpered, voice quivering with emotion. When Jin
nodded, Taehyung threw himself forward to wrap his arms around him in a tight
hug, careful not to drop the expensive electronic. “Thank you, thank you, thank
you, oh my God, thank you!” Tears pricked his eyes, but they didn’t spill over.
Seokjin laughed and hugged Tae tightly to him. “It’s not a really fancy one,”
he admitted with a bit of embarrassment. “I think most apps won’t work on it.
But it can take pictures and videos and stuff, and you can text Jimin now.”
Taehyung pulled back and pulled the charging cord from the box. “Oh wait.” He
paused and looked down at the second box. “What’s in that one?”
“Oh yeah, that’s my phone.” Jin opened the box to reveal a simple flip phone.
Tae’s face fell when he saw it. “But Jin, why didn’t you get a nice one like
you got me?”
Jin smiled and brushed Tae’s bangs away from his eyes. “Don’t be silly. I don’t
need all those fancy doohickies. I pretty much just need to use it to get a
hold of you or Yoongi.”
He sat back against the wall and Taehyung automatically took his place in
between his legs, resting his back against Seokjin’s chest. The older brother
watched with interest as Taehyung booted up the phone and began messing with
the settings. Even though his only experience with smart phones was from the
few times he’d played games with Jimin or Yoongi’s phones, Taehyung was
surprisingly adept at navigating the menus. He flipped through them so quickly
Seokjin had trouble keeping up, and it almost made him glad he didn’t buy one
for himself.
“Smile!”
Taehyung lifted the phone, the image of them sitting together on the screen.
Jin wrapped his arms around Tae’s chest and held him close as they both
grinned, and Tae snapped the picture.
“That is totally going to be my background,” Tae muttered with a smile. He
pressed a few buttons until their goofy mugs were plastered on the screen of
his phone. “Perfect.” He snuggled down a bit more comfortably between Jin’s
legs, still messing around with the different settings.
“Don’t you want to put phone numbers in?”
Taehyung lifted his head so he could see Seokjin’s face. “Huh?”
“Contacts, remember? You can put in Jimin and Yoongi's numbers. Oh and mine."
Jin lifted his hips up, much to the annoyance of his brother and pulled a slip
of paper out of his pocket that had his new number on it.
"Oh, sweet!" Taehyung quickly entered the three numbers. "You're listed as
'Totally Awesome Big Brother'."
Seokjin laughed and flipped open his phone to show Taehyung his own contact for
him.
"'Little Baby Brother'," Tae read from the screen. He lifted his chin so he
could look at Seokjin with a smile on his face. "Will I be your little baby
brother forever?"
Jin kissed his forehead. "As long as you want, little baby brother."
Taehyung hummed happily before looking back down at his phone. He pulled up the
messaging app and quickly tapped out a message to Jimin.
                                                                 From: Taehyung
                                                                Mar_20th_7:56pm
                                                        HEY BITCH GUESS WHO!!!!
"Oh my God," Jin laughed, tickling his brother aggressively. "Language!"
Taehyung giggled and squirmed. "Wait, wait, he answered!" He held up the phone
so Seokjin could also read the message that had popped up.
From: Jimin
Mar_20th_7:57pm
uhhhhhh wtf
tae????
                                                                 From: Taehyung
                                                                Mar_20th_7:57pm
                                                             YOU FUCKIN KNOW IT
Seokjin laughed again. It was clear that his brother had a different way of
interacting with the other teen when he and Yoongi weren't around.
From: Jimin
Mar_20th_7:57pm
OMG OMG
DO U HAVE A PHONE
WHAT
                                                                 From: Taehyung
                                                                Mar 20th 7:58pm
                                                                         YESSSS
                                                          JIN BOUGHT ME A PHONE
From: Jimin
Mar_20th_7:58pm
BLESS THAT BEAUTIFUL MAN
                                                                 From: Taehyung
                                                                Mar_20th_7:59pm
                                                     yeah...he totally saw that
From: Jimin
Mar_20th_8:00pm
fuck
The two brothers couldn't stop laughing. Jin wrapped his arms around Taehyung's
chest and kissed his ear. The younger sighed happily and settled more
comfortably back against Seokjin. "I love you, Jin. Thank you."
Seokjin smiled and peppered kisses all over Tae's head. "You're welcome. I'm
glad you like it."
"Now I can look at all the porn I want on the internet," Taehyung said with a
completely straight face.
Seokjin had to cover his mouth to keep himself from laughing too loudly. "God,
please, not in here! Go back to your own room for that."
Taehyung looked up at him again, a big, fake pout on his face. "But my room is
cold and probably dusty and gross. I haven't been in there in almost a year."
"That's not my fault you decided to move in with me!"
"I mean, you can use my phone for porn, too!"
Seokjin smacked himself on the forehead. "Oh my God, we are not talking about
this. What happened to my little baby brother?" Despite his teasing tone, he
was legitimately surprised to hear Taehyung talking about that sort of thing.
"Your little baby brother is a horny shit," Taehyung muttered cheekily, but he
grinned to show that he was just joking.
“Where are you learning all of this?”
Taehyung shrugged, his focus switching back to his phone. “Kids at school, I
guess.”
Seokjin shook his head, concerned about the sorts of things that Taehyung was
being introduced to at such a young age. He leaned his head back against the
wall, running his fingers through Taehyung's hair as the younger teen continued
to tap out messages to his best friend. Occasion chuckles from him filled
Seokjin with warmth that made the room seem frigid. His limbs ached from the
walk between bus stops, work, the cellular store, and then to home. Tae was
right – he did need a better jacket. He would buy one with his next paycheck as
long as he could hide the fact that he had a job from their father. He would
probably demand Seokjin hand over all his earnings as rent.
He didn't want to think about that, though. All he wanted to think about was
the excitement on Taehyung's face when he opened the box. Despite being a
different type of gift, his reaction was the same as when Seokjin had given him
his blue blanket years ago. Tae had only been six years old, but the look on
his face had been the exact same.
"Jin?"
Seokjin gasped and lifted his head. He hadn't realized he had dozed off. "Huh?"
"Oh, sorry." Taehyung rolled over, pressing his nose into Jin's stomach, arms
wrapped around his body.
"What's the matter?" Seokjin pet his hair and rested his head back again,
trying to fight off the sleepiness.
Taehyung didn't reply right away. His breaths were hot against Seokjin’s skin
before he turned his head to rest his cheek against his brother. "Are you mad
that I moved in here?"
Seokjin looked down at him, surprised. "What? No, of course not." He leaned
forward and drew his legs beneath him, forcing Taehyung into a seated position.
His little brother had his head hung low so Jin couldn't see his face. "TaeTae,
what's the matter?"
"Sometimes I feel like I'm burdening you," Taehyung admitted quietly, his
fingers playing with his old blanket.
"Oh, honey," Seokjin let out a small laugh and drew Taehyung's head against his
chest. "I can't even begin to describe how incredibly stupid that is."
The younger teen gave a small huff of a laugh and grabbed his brother's shirt,
pressing his forehead into his neck. "I moved into your room. You always pack
more food for me than you. And all those times – you – Dad – " his words were
interrupted by a hiccup that hinted at inevitable tears.
"No, no." Seokjin pulled Taehyung into his lap, letting him curl up like they
did whenever they needed to really comfort each other. "Don't think about that.
That's in the past. He doesn't hurt me anymore."
"He hurt you when Yoongi gave us those clothes," Taehyung whimpered, trying to
hold back a small sob. "He still yells and breaks your things. It's not fair.
Why doesn't he hurt me, too?"
"Hey," Seokjin said in a sharp tone. He pulled Taehyung's face up so he could
look into his tear-filled eyes. "Don't think about it like that. There's
nothing wrong with you. You're perfect."
Tears slipped down Taehyung's ruddy cheeks as he continued to sniffle. "No,
you’re perfect. You’re the best. But you’re stupid too, you know that? You
didn't buy yourself a smartphone because you couldn't afford it, right?"
Jin blinked, not expecting to be called out so abruptly. He opened his mouth,
but his words caught in his throat.
Taehyung started crying harder, his suspicions confirmed. "Why do you always
give up things for me? Why aren't you taking care of yourself?"
His brother's sudden breakdown wasn't uncommon, but his words cut deep. All
Seokjin could do was hold on to him and kiss his head. "Honey, it's just a
phone. I don't need it, really. All I need a phone for is to talk to you."
Taehyung sniffled and shook his head. "No, I'm boring and stupid."
Seokjin reached over and grabbed Tae's blanket and wrapped it around his
shoulders while hushing him. "You're not boring. You're great. You're not
stupid, you're smart."
Taehyung let out a quiet wail which Seokjin quickly stifled with the blanket.
Tears and snot soaked the fabric as he continued to cry. He let Seokjin hold
onto him through his episode until he cried himself dry and his body ached.
Jin carefully released his brother as the sobs died down. He set Taehyung down
onto the bed and laid beside him, wrapping his arm around the younger teen. The
hiccups slowed until Taehyung was only breathing heavily, obviously spent. "You
doing okay now?"
Taehyung nodded and ran his fingers through his sweaty hair. "I'm sorry." He
turned his head to the side and nuzzled his nose against his brother's cheek.
"It's okay," Seokjin comforted Tae as he always did. "Nothing wrong with
crying." He kissed Taehyung and smiled.
Tae closed his red, puffy eyes and sighed. "Love you."
"Love you, too, little baby brother."
Chapter End Notes
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End Notes
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