Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/2381261. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage Category: F/M Fandom: Supernatural Relationship: Castiel/Dean_Winchester Character: John_Winchester, Dean_Winchester, Castiel Additional Tags: What_Have_I_Done, Implied/Referenced_Character_Death, Child_Death, Child Abuse, Underage_Sex, Always_Female_Dean, Rape, Rape/Non-con_Elements, Triggers, Sad, I_Made_Myself_Cry, Alternate_Universe_-_Human, Police Officer_Castiel, Death, Character_Death, Drug-Induced_Sex, Drug_Use, Non- Consensual_Drug_Use, Abusive_John_Winchester, John_Winchester's_A+ Parenting, Evil_John_Winchester Stats: Published: 2014-09-30 Words: 2841 ****** Where did Jesus go ****** by Thatbitchoverthere Summary Based off a song by the pretty reckless. Pretty much my intrepertation of what would have happened it both Mary and Sam had died in the fire and everybody was human. It's very sad and sucktacualr!!!! Notes See the end of the work for notes I have a tale to tell about a girl who’s soul was screwed She was born into the life with everything to lose Deanne remembered being happy. She remembered when she was 5, and had a mommy and a daddy who loved her. She remembers how daddy would come home from work and give her mommy a big kiss, and then he would come over to Deanne pick her up and kiss her cheek. De would always complain for how scratchy it was. Now she would give anything to get one more kiss like that. Her mom, Mary, would laugh and the entire room would lighten up. Everything was good. At 6 De remembered the fire that consumed her mom and baby brother Sammy, the fire also consumed all of the happiness De would ever get. Two weeks later De turned seven. De and her father were staying in a nasty motel down the road from where she had been happy. De had stayed up late waiting for her father to return. As she saw the impala pull in to a parking spot outside her motel room she got really excited. She had expected her father to bring her a gift; it was her birthday after all. When John walked in he screamed at her. “You worthless piece of shit, I told you to be in bed and asleep when I got back. YOU ARE A USELESS, STUPID BITCH. GO TO BED NOW YOU LITTLE FUCK.” John yelled. “But daddy its my birthday?” dean asked with tears in her eyes. “What the fuck do you want me to do about that, is your mom ever going to have another birthday, and is Sammy?” he asked as De started crying earnestly. “you gonna cry like the little useless cunt you are? You gonna cry, you know who cries Deanne, babies cry? Are you a baby Deanne?” he asked while approaching her. “No daddy, I’m not a baby.” She said as she was still convulsing with sobs. The first slap across her face she didn’t see coming. The second was also a surprise. She started to back up trying to get away from her father. As John brought his hand back to deliver another blow he asked her, “What did you call me?” He landed the third blow to the right side of her face with the back of his hand leaving the impression of his ring on her cheek bone. “I’m sorry sir.” She spluttered. John landed the fourth and final blow to face before yelling, “NOW GO TO BED YOU LITTLE SLUT.” De walked to her bed as quick as she could on her unsteady legs. Her father went and sat on the couch and pulled out the brown bag he had carried in. From the bag he withdrew a bottle of whiskey and began pulling long draws from the bottle. This was the first time De silently cried herself to sleep for fear of her father. It would not be the last. Her father sold her to the trade when she was just a child She was 1 7 and never ever learned to smile Three years later De woke up to her fathers drunk barging through their motel room door. She was used to this she did not move for fear of incurring his wrath. On her 7th birthday john had hit her for the first time, from there it had escalated to weekly beatings. The only difference was no we was more careful to make sure they would be hidden by her clothing. As John finally got the motel room door open, he approached De’s bed. “Hey baby girl wake up,” he said, using the voice he had not spoken to De with since Mary and Sam had died. “Hey baby I need you to do something for me, this man, Daddy owes him a favor. Can you help daddy out?” John asked De. “You need cash?” she deadpanned “WHY YOU LITTLE UNGREATFUL SLUT!” he screamed as her punched her across the face. De momentarily blacked out. When she came back too she realized her clothes had been removed and she was tied up. She also realized that John was gone, but his ‘friend’ was still there. That was the first time De’s dad sold her body to pay for his boos and gambling debts. At 13 De developed much quicker than her peers. While they all bitched about not having boobs or a girly figure, Deanne already a size D boob and was five feet tall with hips that made her look like she was 18 not just 13. De hated it she wished she looked like a normal 13 year old girl, and then maybe her father would have a hard time selling her body for the night every night at whatever shady bar he found outside of whatever random town they were staying in. When she got back to the motel she was staying at she found a note from her father saying that he was gonna be gone for a few days possible weeks and that she could provide for herself until he got back. Luckily enough she had a little cash saved up from the last few men that she would be able to get enough food to last her til her father got back to not have to go out by herself. Of course it also meant that when her father got back there would probably be a bookie in tow who John would owe enough money to sell de for the whole week. Those were always the cruelest men. The ones who murdered to collect money for a living; they were the ones who left De’s back covered in scars and the rest of her covered in burn marks and bruises. That night, the night John left De alone for a week that she cut herself. She went into the bathroom, just wanting to feel some control. She took a razor she used for shaving her legs and pried out the blades. She picked up the first one, and sat on the edge of the bath tub and sliced a three inch long gash into the top of her right thigh. The cut was not deep but it hurt like a bitch. De relished in the pain she was able to inflict on herself. She finally had control. She cut along the same line several time deepening it. She cut several more gashes into herself before bandaging herself up and going to sleep. John came home a week later. As predicted, he owed a lot of money to a guy. That was the worst De had had in a while. She was unable to walk for a few days, and the shark had broken her arm. A few days later John packed up and they moved to the next town three states away. When De was 15 she met Cas. He was a slightly awkward but confident nerd three years older than de was. They met in the library while De was avoiding going back to her motel room where John would be passed out drunk. He came up to Deanne and introduced himself. After that they became fast friends. The first friend De had ever had. She knew that is was just going to make it worse when she had to leave in a few months, but she couldn’t help it. In the first two weeks of their friend ship De learned a lot about Cas and in return she gave him an abridged version of her own past, neglecting the abuse she had been enduring since she was seven at the hand of her father and the hands of others since she turned ten. A few weeks later they started dating. She was so happy. After two months of dating, De brought Cas back to her motel room with the intention of just spending the night cuddling with him and maybe sharing a few deep kisses. When they arrived at the motel via Cas’s car De began telling Cas everything. He held her while she cried into his shoulder telling how her father had abused her. He gently petted her hair and told her it was okay when she told him how her father had been dolling her out like a prostitute since she was ten to pay his gambling debts. Cas held her all night long and in the morning he made her breakfast. Later in the day Cas decided to broach the white elephant in the room. “you should file charges against your father. Get him arrested, and stop it all.” “I can’t Cas,” she told him, “I told you the bad, but I remember when it was good. And I know that man is in him somewhere. I can’t turn my back on him he is the only family I have left.” She finished. “De he is abusing you. You can’t let it continue like this. What about me De, I love you so much, just run away with me. I leave for college in a few months. Let’s just go. We will get an apartment and I’ll get a job and we will be fine and you will be safe.” As Cas finished De realized two things, one, Cas was right, she needed to get out and two, john was standing right behind Cas. She froze. “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY BOY?” john asked. “You and I will have words later, now go sit your fat, useless ass down.” He said to Deanne “No! daddy don’t hurt Cas, it’s my fault, just let him go.” De pleaded “what the Fuck did you say to me? YOU LITTLE SLUT YOU ACTUALLY THOUGH I’D LET YOU LEAVE WITH YOUR LITTLE BOYFRIEND HERE? WELL YOUR WRONG.” He yelled as her raised his fist punching De in the face. She fell down. Cas quickly jumped it to aid her when John hit him over the head with his half full bottle of whiskey. Cas went down hitting his head on the table as he fell. John grabbed his and De’s items and through them into the impala while De tended to Cas. John Grabbed De and through her and tried to take her out to the impala too but she kept fighting him. He quickly knocked her out too, by beating the shit out of her and put her in the impala as well. When Cas woke up about an hour later, he realized De and John were gone and there was a relatively large blood stain leading to the door and out to where John’s car had been. Cas quickly called the police. They arrived at the motel in a matter of minutes. Cas told them everything he could, but it was too late they were gone and john had probably changed their names and everything. From that moment on Cas vowed to do everything he could to find Deanne. She took a bullet and blew out her brains She didn’t say good bye She just went away And now whose missing her, I wish she was here Her name was Angle and she had a bad year The last two years had been hell for Deanne. Her angle, Castiel, John had told her in the midst of a rather bad beating, was dead. After that John barley let De leave the house or whatever shack they were staying in. He had however gotten her addicted to meth, finding it easier to sell her when she was high. When De was 17 John died of a gunshot to the head during a whore house raid in Nevada where he had been selling De. At the time of the raid De had been sober enough to get away and went to her and John’s motel room and waited for him to come get her and give De, her drugs. After an hour passed De realized John must have either been arrested or killed if he was not back yet. She was free. After a minute she when over to the closet where John kept his extra hand gun and she pulled it out. in a moment of clarity she realized she had nothing left, her life a disgusting mess and she had no reason to live. She cocked the gun and fired, blowing her brains out. So you wanna call me the devil’s advocate When you don’t know the half of it Cause I was raised to believe in miracles My life is so cold Where did Jesus Go? Where did Jesus Go? Where did Jesus Go? He disappeared Where did Jesus Go? Where did Jesus Go? Where did Jesus Go? He disappeared Whats the point of screaming out if know one gives a damn Whats the point of reaching out if no one lends a hand She had passed the point where there was nothing left to give She was seventeen and never ever learned to live So you wanna call me the devil’s advocate When you don’t know the half of it Cause I was raised to believe in miracles My life is so cold Where did Jesus Go? Where did Jesus Go? Where did Jesus Go? He disappeared Where did Jesus Go? Where did Jesus Go? Where did Jesus Go? He disappeared She needed and an angle to love And no one sent her an angle She needed and angle to love her And no one sent her an angle Cas had been busy for the last two years. After De was gone, he enrolled in the police academy and after less than a year he made detective. Less than six months after that Cas had been picked to be on a special unit, with dealing with long term rape and abuse victims. A few weeks after he joined the team, they got wind of a whore house in Nevada which was soliciting underage girls as prostitutes. The next three months were spent gathering info on the establishment. Once they got a video tap they were able to see what was going on in the house. That was where Cas saw De for the first time after looking for her for the last 2 years. She looked bad. Once they got the all clear they took down the house with the aid of the Nevada police Department and their SWAT team. In the confusion of the raid, Cas saw John trying to leave the house with a girl. He shot John once in the head, once in the heart, but the girl got away. After all the confusion Cas realized De must have gotten away. Cas was able to get Johns wallet and found the address of the motel he must have been staying at. Cas and his partner took off for the motel. They flew down the highway with their light and sirens blaring. Cas had told his team about De and appartnely his partner, Pamala, understood that cas wanted to hurry because she was driving like the devil was chasing them. When they finally got to the motel and parked. Car started running to the office to find their room number; he heard a gun go off. Cas skidded to a halt looking at his partner then busting down the door of the room they had heard the gun go off in. Cas found De’s body lying on the bed. He could almost imagine her sleeping, if it were not for the blood dripping from her temple, on her right side. He screamed then ran to her. He took her hand in his then picked up her small limp frame and rocked her. He apologized for breaking his promise. “I’m so sorry! I’m so so sorry.” He whispered. “I promised you, I promised you that I would keep you safe. And I failed. For that I can never be forgiven.” Cas said as he started crying. “we were gonna run away, get an apartment, I was gonna propose when I felt like we were ready, god your only 17 we could have had a life, if I had only been one day sooner we could have fixed what your father broke, we would have been so happy, for that I’m so so sorry.” Cas finished. But you wanna call me the devil’s advocate But you don’t know the half of it I hate I was raised to believe in miracles Cause life is so cold But you wanna call me the devil’s advocate But you don’t know the half of it I hate I was raised to believe in miracles Cause life is so cold So you wanna call me the devil’s advocate When you don’t know the half of it Cause I was raised to believe in miracles My life is so cold Where did Jesus Go? Where did Jesus Go? Where did Jesus Go? He disappeared Where did Jesus Go? Where did Jesus Go? Where did Jesus Go? He disappeared End Notes Thanks for reading. Coments are appreciated! Fic is based off song Where did Jesus Go by The Pretty Reckless. Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!