Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2277339.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Remus_Lupin/Harry_Potter, Sirius_Black/Remus_Lupin, Sirius_Black/Remus
      Lupin/Harry_Potter
  Character:
      Harry_Potter, Remus_Lupin
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-09-08 Chapters: 1/? Words: 2208
****** When You Were Away ******
by CuriousxCrowley
Summary
     After Sirius dies in the Ministry Remus and Harry seek comfort in
     each other. What happens when it turns out Sirius isn't as dead as
     everyone thought?
     Most everything after OotP does not occur.
Prologue
Today had been Sirius' funeral, Harry had made it through... just barely. And
now, now he was back at 12 Grimmauld place alone. Okay that was a lie, there
was Remus who was downstairs wallowing in his tea. Harry's heart went out to
him Sirius had been his best friend and possibly, he had speculated, more than
that. Remus had looked drained and empty at the funeral, standing there holding
a single black rose as everyone spoke.
Harry hadn't been able to speak, he spent most of it staring at a tree off in
the distance. He didn't have the energy to cry, he had done all of that in the
week after Sirius' death. So he just stood there, between Ron and Hermione,
staring. Ron had been the one to urge him to toss his rose on the fire and
Hermione had been there at his elbow supporting him the whole way. In that
moment he had contemplated letting himself fall into the consuming flame, but
Hermione had been there almost as if she had heard those thoughts. Thoughts
that rang out as Remus had stepped forward and lingered, watching as the rose
withered and burnt.
Now everyone was gone and he was... alone.
He circled his room several times before coming to rest before his trunk.
Inside, beneath a pile of clothing were several bottles of liquor. A few
bottles of fire whiskey from the Weasley twins, shoved into his hands in
silence the night before, a half drunk bottle of wine from Hermione “better
than any sleeping draught” she had promised, and finally a bottle coated in
some language he couldn't read which had been presented to him by Moody just
before he had left the night Sirius died. “Careful boy,” He'd warned, “a few
shots of this and you wont remember how to walk, let alone how to feel.”
Was it common to give alcohol to a grieving person? Harry was unsure but he
suddenly had the urge to drink until he forgot. Forgot Sirius. Forgot
Voldemort. Forgot himself.
But he was presented with a problem, he had no way to open these bottles and he
still couldn't use magic. He could either give up on the idea or he could go
downstairs, where Remus was, and open them. Part of him worried Remus would
stop him, the rest of him knew even if he tried he didn't have it in him to
fight. So downstairs it was.
Throwing all caution to the wind Harry grabbed all of the bottle but the wine
and started down. Each step was echoed by the clanking of glass on glass. Remus
would hear him coming long before he got near the kitchen, Harry found he
didn't care.
He was right, Remus was looking at the door as he walked in. Upon seeing Harry
he sighed and returned to staring into his half filled tea cup. Taking that as
a good sign Harry placed the bottles on the table and began searching for a cup
and a bottle opener.
“The drawer near the stove...” Remus' voice startled him slightly.
Harry grunted a thank and opened the drawer, sure enough there were several
bottle openers.
“I'm not going to try to stop you,” Remus spoke up again, “I'm just going to
ask why?”
Harry thought for a moment, “For the past week all I have done is feel. Guilt,
shame, anger, sadness, and grief. I have not stopped feeling, even in my sleep,
but I need to...” his voice broke “I need to be numb for a little, or else I
feel like I might drown, like I'll never breath right again.” And with that he
set to his task of opening the strange bottle.
There was a few minutes of silence, broken only by the release of air as Harry
worked the bottle open. Then Remus stood and dumped his tea into the sink,
turning he placed the now empty cup next the Harry's. “In that case, I'll have
some too”
===============================================================================
 
 
Harry's face was numb, and his cup was empty. Remus was chatting quietly about
Sirius, about their youth, Harry wondered if he was even talking to him
anymore.
They were both drunk. The smell of alcohol was the only scent remaining in the
small kitchen and the bottle Moody had given him stood half empty. Harry
contemplated it for a moment before pouring himself, and Remus, a little more.
The liquor went down smooth, tasting a bit sweet as he swallowed but the after
taste was bitter and with every sip he wondered if he truly wanted more. But he
kept drinking, as did Remus.
“I loved him, you know, of course you did... I'm certain everyone did.” Remus
said suddenly before taking a rather long gulp of the liquor.
Harry nodded. He had known, or at least thought. Even that night, when he had
first met Sirius, the way Remus had looked when he learned the truth lead him
to question it. He didn't really dwell on it until the previous summer, when he
had notice they seemed to share a room. It didn't bother him, nor had it been
shocking.
“I know,” He found himself reaching over and squeezing Remus' hand.
“I don't blame you, you know?” Remus said, stumbling over his words, “You said
you felt guilty, and I should have said something.”
Harry felt his stomach clench unpleasantly “I blame me,” he admitted quietly
into his cup.
Had he waited just a few more minutes Sirius could still be here, things would
have been so different. Instead he had acted without thinking, and gotten
someone else killed (again). He was guilty, even if no one would blame him. He
had killed Sirius, the closest thing to a family he had, it was almost as if he
had been holding the wand.
His lungs felt hot and his eyes burned. He was drinking to forget, he couldn't
cry. The air wasn't coming, his lungs hurt. All he could see was Sirius
falling, no, he was dying.
        Ding dong-ding dong, ding dong-ding dong, ding dong-ding dong.
“Is it really three,” Remus interrupted turning to face the chiming clock.
Harry shook himself and hastily wiped away the tears. “Bloody hell,” he hissed
before standing. The room moved as he stood, “Bloody hell,” he said again, this
time he grabbed for the table to steady himself.
Remus chuckled, “I'll help, maybe we'll make it if we work together.”
There was something in the way he said that that his Harry hard. Were they
talking about walking? But before he could dwell on it too much Remus was next
to him offering an arm. Remus was swaying a little but seemed well enough to
help. Harry let go of the table and grabbed for Remus' arm. As they started
Harry seemed to be more this issue, he could barely keep track of his feet and
kept tripping Remus.
They had made it to the entrance hall and were standing contemplating the
stairs. Harry felt a push and found himself being guided up them. Left, right,
grab the rail, left, right, grab the rail. Remus was right behind him
preventing him from ever being in danger of falling back. Just as he was about
to make the last two steps, the world shifted and Harry felt himself falling
back. And then he was crashing forward onto the landing.
He came to a rest on his stomach with Remus half on his back. Suddenly he began
laughing. Not even a manly laugh, but a giggle. He was giggling like a little
boy, and he didn't know why. He was starting to recover when he caught sound of
Remus laughing with him, and just like that he was off again.
He was having trouble breathing and when he attempted to turn over he realized
Remus was still laying on him. This made him laugh harder as they both fought
to reposition, it was ackward and painful. It was ridiculous.
Then it was silent.
His lips were on Remus', or was it Remus's lips were on his. He didn't know.
Who had moved first? Who would move first? He didn't know.
And then he moved first, into Remus. They were kissing, and all he could taste
was the alcohol. He wanted to move away. What the fuck was going on? But he
found himself moving into Remus: first with his lips, then his tongue, and then
with his body. Harry was hard and he could feel Remus in the same state.
Remus was the first to pull away “Harry, you're drunk.”
“As are you” Harry replied, not caring as he reached out to grab the older man.
“Harry you're not even 16” Remus protest trying to slide out of reach, finding
himself blocked by the wall.
“I know,” Harry nodded sliding even closer. God, how drunk was he?
“Harry to the best of my knowledge you're not even gay,” Remus pleaded pushing
his arm in between them.
“I feel like you're not taking into account the current situation,” Harry
reminded with a soft grind of his hips.
“Har-” Remus tried but was cut off by Harry's lips. He didn't protest, instead
his tongue slid out to meet Harry's.
Harry pulled his head back, “Remus, help me make it through... help me.” he
pleaded, he wasn't even sure what he was asking.
There were no more words and soon there no more clothes. Harry couldn't help
wonder if it had been magic, this made him giggle again.
Remus was doing his best at avoiding true physical contact with Harry, arching
his back in a way that seemed uncomfortable. Harry had enough. He snaked his
hand down and grasped Remus's cock in his hand. It was different than touching
his own and the moan that escaped Remus's mouth went straight into his ears and
to his own cock.
He had never actually been with another man, sure he'd thought about it. Truth
be told he had thought about it often when he realized Sirius and Remus were
together. He wasn't sure what he was actually supposed to be doing. So instead
he just stroked Remus the way he knew he liked it. Remus rewarded him with
little sounds and pants, assuring him he was going in the right direction.
When the other man's hand wrapped around his own cock, Harry froze. He didn't
know why he was shocked, they were after all, lying naked together. Remus felt
his hesitation and looked at him questioningly.
Harry was afraid to speak, he was afraid he'd break this moment. So instead he
thrust himself into Remus's hand. Remus smiled and began helping. Harry kept
forgetting what he was supposed to be doing, too distracted. Then Remus's hand
withdrew and was pushing away his own hand.
Harry was convinced he'd broken it somehow, he leaned up to fight but instead
found Remus turning him over. He was confused. And then, just like that, it hit
him. His whole body tensed. Heavy petting was one thing, this was a whole other
line that was going to be crossed.
Remus leaned down and whispered “I promise, I wont hurt you if you relax”
Harry willed himself to relax but immediately tensed the second he felt Remus'
slide a finger inside him.
“Relax” Remus reminded softly. Again he tried, the alcohol helped.
This time he relaxed even as he felt something cool and slick enter him. Lube?
He didn't dare ask because now he felt Remus's cock slide up again him. Harry
made sure to only clench his fists as he was entered.
It burned a little, but it didn't hurt. And when Remus was in it turned to a
pleasant feeling. After a few moments Harry couldn't help but wiggle around
Remus. Remus grabbed at his waist trying to regain control.
Harry wondered, cheekily, what would happen if he squeezed just a little. Remus
groaned and thrust almost involuntarily. But that thrust had his Harry right in
his center. Now it was his turned to lose control as he slid forward and then
thrust back onto Remus.
That was it. Neither of them could stop. Back and forth. The soft moans and
sounds of flesh drove them on.
Harry could feel himself tighten but try as he might he couldn't contain it.
Remus seemed to sense it as well and pressed into Harry and held him. Harry
wanted to cry out but he had bit his lip, his cock hurt he needed to... fuck.
Remus had begun thrusting again, and with these renewed movement Harry came
onto the floor below them. He finally cried out and it echoed back at him.
When he came to he felt Remus's cock pulsating in him, emptying into him.
They collapsed, Harry's arms didn't want to hold him up and his legs were weak.
Remus had enough decency to collapse to the side, his eyes were skewed shut as
he panted.
Harry was breathing heavily as well. And all of a sudden he was hit with it.
He was breathing.
It wasn't forced and he didn't feel like he was inhaling fire. He was actually
breathing for the first time in a week.
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