Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/6586771.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      終わりのセラフ_|_Owari_no_Seraph_|_Seraph_of_the_End
  Relationship:
      Hyakuya_Mikaela/Hyakuya_Yuuichirou
  Character:
      Hiiragi_Shinoa, Sanguu_Mitsuba, Kimizuki_Shihou, Saotome_Yoichi, Narumi
      Makoto
  Additional Tags:
      Mutual_Pining, Slow_Build, Extremely_slow_build_would_be_more_like_it,
      Though_the_feelings_are_always_there, Fluff_and_Angst, versatile_couple,
      As_in_this_is_gonna_have_both, yuumika, and, mikayuu, Self-Hatred,
      Trauma, Mental_Health_Issues, or_as_I'd_like_to_call_it:_project_healing
      Mika, Canon_Divergence, No_meeting_up_with_Crowley_and_Ferid_in_other
      words, At_least_for_now?, Hurt_and_comfort, Masturbation, Unresolved
      Sexual_Tension, Blood_Drinking, Body_Worship, and_all_of_the_fun_stuff_to
      come_eventually
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-04-18 Chapters: 1/? Words: 3905
****** What we could be ******
by bakuratrash
Summary
     Despite Yuuichirou’s enthusiasm to commit to a relationship with
     Mikaela, the vampire firmly declines despite their mutual feelings.
     The human is insufferable stubborn in his quest to have what they
     both want, and yet Mika is just as unwilling to budge as he is afraid
     of what might become of their relationship and what would happen to
     Yuu if it ever became common knowledge. How long can he continue to
     deny the one thing he really wants when the world keeps becoming more
     and more uncertain around them?
Notes
     This really isn’t going to be Explicit for a really long time as I
     made the horribly bad decision of wanting to write a long fic and I
     remember the last time I decided to do that and…. I regret it still
     but… Bad decisions are what I live for? ...Other than re-blogging
     gays and games on tumblr...?
See the end of the work for more notes
The mornings on the road had grown repeatedly colder than the ones before,
rapidly signaling the approach of the winter. Especially today when the break
of dawn came with the first snow, the pure white quickly taking over the dirty
ground of broken asphalt and make-shift roads.
This obviously was deemed a problem. For Mikaela, it mattered little due to his
vampire body. He couldn’t feel cold even if he walked around naked, even though
he still had other reasons to robe his body – namely, shame and dignity. Two of
the numerous things he still possessed that strongly set him apart from the
other vampires, as the humans surrounding him had noticed on multiple occasions
now that they had spent so much time together on the road.
He could see the cold taking a toll on his human companions: each of them did
try to mask it in some way to not appear weak, but he could practically hear
their bodies shaking under their clothes. Yet another thing to add to the list
of inconvenient things he received as a side-effect by being turned into a full
vampire, alongside the whole endlessly craving blood and losing his humanity
part. Another thing to note for the lack of energy was in the form of the
silence to preserve the warmth – he had not seen the humans, especially Yuu and
Shinoa, remain quiet for this long before.
“Alright, kids.” The first to break the silence filled by chattering teeth and
the crunches of fresh snow under their boots was Makoto. “Since little miss
squad leader isn’t going to evidently say anything, I will. We continue this
journey and we are going to be frozen to death by sunfall. I say we stop in
this village and stay the night.”
“In case you have yet to notice, we are in a bit of a hurry here.” Kimizuki’s
voice was curt and stubborn, his eyes staring right ahead to somewhere far in
the distance. The atmosphere quickly taking a degree for the worse, everyone
quietly eyeing the pink-haired male with a wary look. The reason for his hurry
obvious to them all.
“In caseyou have yet to notice, corpses walk far slower than those who take a
day to rest. I would know.” Makoto’s tone of voice held a warning, instantly
shutting up the other teen. Though they had briefly discussed the loss of the
brown haired male’s squad, they still didn’t fully know how to offer their
condolences. Nor could they even imagine what it would feel like to lose your
entire squad in one moment. Well, except for Mitsuba. The two had had a quiet
talk the first night they had stopped running and settled down for a rest,
likely exchanging words of their lost comrades. Nobody knew too well, nor did
they know how to ask. It was probably better like that.
“I agree with Makoto-san.” Yoichi joined in, a worried look on his face as his
breath rose up in white puffs. “I talked with Gekkoin just now and he agreed
with me that it looks like the snowing will only get worse. It would be good
for everyone if we stopped for a while..." The brown-haired archer trailed off
and sent a hopeful look towards Kimizuki, the other teen visibly
faltering before sighing a huffed "whatever" in resignment. 
“Since everyone seems to be more or less in agreement, I too, agree.” Shinoa
then spoke up with a surprisingly serious tone in her voice, hushing down any
possible complaint from Kimizuki. “While it is urgent that we find more
information on the situation of the lieutenant colonel and Kimizuki’s sister,
we still need to preserve of our health. If someone were to fall ill, we
wouldn’t be able to travel for days.”
“And besides, these houses look like they use the older generators. That stuff
was built to last. The electricity might actually be accessible, which makes
for the best possible spot to take a break." Mitsuba chimed in with her hands
on her hips, before shuddering from the cold and faltering from her pose to
clutch the uniform jacket tighter around her. "The point being let's go inside
before I freeze my legs off!" The blonde girl barked with a blush, getting no
resistance other than the amused giggle from Shinoa, who only commented that
she "looked very cute when she's being all adult-like".
They decided on one of the two mostly intact buildings in the middle of the
village, grouping up inside the bigger of the two to assess the situation.
Mikaela glanced at the darkness surrounding them: while the thick four walls
covered in a heavy layer of dust shielded them from the snow and wind, they
also did a good job of keeping the light out completely. Like in most buildings
he had seen since the end of the world as they had known it about four years
ago, the windows were completely boarded shut by someone who was probably
hoping to shield themselves from the danger. And failed miserably, as signaled
by the complete emptiness of the house, void of any human life.
Either their luck was finally picking up after all of the series of
misfortunes, or Kimizuki really was a genius when it came to engines, as they
were able to boot up the back-up generators behind the house. The happiness in
the freezing humans' faces was painfully obvious as the heating started to pick
up, and the discovery of flowing water other than the ice-cold variety couldn't
have been more welcome.
The first step was then for the humans to get out of their freezing clothes and
into the tiny bathroom, but before that they had to decide on an order. Which
seemed to have the most obvious solution ever, as far as Mitsuba was
concerned. 
"...And because of the unfairness of our uniforms, Shinoa and I shall go in
first."
"Huh? What's the big deal? We all have the same uniform except for Mika."
Yuuichirou blinked, looking clueless as he glanced at the quickly aggravated
girl as if not understanding what the problem was. And being him, he probably
didn't. Which in turn awoke the need deep in Mikaela to nag at his childhood
friend for always being so very oblivious.
“At least your uniform has pants! While we get this---“, Mitsuba seethed with a
face red with anger, gesturing towards her bare thighs, the skin filled with
goosebumps from being exposed to the cold air for so long. “So don’t give me
any of that stupid Yuu! Shinoa and I are going in first and that’s final! You
guys can be useful for once and look for some clothes!!”
Too afraid to argue with the obviously pissed off blonde any longer, the issue
was quickly given up just as fast as it had been brought up. Though no one
missed the mischievous grin on Shinoa’s lips as she clung to the other female
squad member’s arm as Mitsuba dragged her towards the bathroom, amusement
evident in her mischevious brown eyes. “Oh Micchan, I never realized you were
so eager to share a bath with me! Is this finally the day I get to embrace the
beautiful breasts of my favorite female companion?”
They could hear Mitsuba splutter some incoherent words as she slammed the door
shut behind the two, a loud, embarrassed yell of “SHINOA!” echoing from the
bathroom and dissolved into a fit of giggles from the other girl. The five guys
stood in the room awkwardly for a moment, before they seemed to regather their
wits at the sound of running water.
“…I’ll go check out the other house with Yuu-chan. Since this house is bigger,
we’ll leave it up to you three.” Mikaela glanced at the three other humans
standing in the room with him and Yuuichirou, who seemed to agree with his
plan. “Alright, make sure the idiot actually does some of the work too.”
Kimizuki commented while pushing up his glasses, quickly ushered up the stairs
by Yoichi who had noticed the battle-ready glare Yuu had sent towards the pink-
haired teen. The last thing they needed was the two to waste time by getting
into a full blown brawl to see which of the two was superior or stronger or
whatever else they could think of making into a contest again.
“Alright, let’s go, Mika.” The human’s smile was so very bright as he looked at
him that Mikaela couldn’t help the tiny smile forming on his lips. Especially
when Yuuichirou flung his arm casually over his shoulders, tugging the vampire
along to exit the house. Even if he never mentioned it out loud, he was forever
grateful for the fact that his childhood friend treated him so normally. Never
seeming to mind the fact that he wasn’t exactly normal any more – always
casually initiating skin contact with him as if it was the most normal thing in
the world.
And for Yuuichirou, it probably was. The human wasn’t always the brightest one
when it came to certain things, but he could definitely see his still existing
anxiety about being a vampire. That much was clear in how overly protective he
was of him in his own way, always making sure that he had enough blood and that
he felt comfortable around his friends. His gentleness was almost painful
because nothing had ever made Mikaela happier.
“Are you sure you’re not cold, Yuu-chan?” Mika’s face held a look of concern as
he looked at his childhood friend while they walked towards the other house,
his gaze directed towards the human uniform. Ever since becoming a vampire, his
concept of understanding the living conditions humans needed to survive had
dulled considerably. It was probably given, since he himself had not needed to
take any of them into account, having not needed to care for his health any
longer. “I can give you my jacket if you---. “
“I’m fine Mika, no need to worry so much. Remember, I’m not fully human any
more either. So I should have no problem with falling ill in the first place!”
Yuuichirou grinned light-heartedly towards him, speaking of the grave topic as
if it was the most natural thing in the world. Becoming less human. And to the
human, it seemed like it was: he was completely tunnel-visioning on having
enough strength to protect his family, not caring for the cost or consequences.
Typical of him, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t irk Mika all the same.
“I wish you didn’t remind me…” Mikaela sighed with a deep frown, disliking the
whole topic. And especially Yuu’s lack of reaction for it. “Ah lighten up,
Mika. It just means you and I are even more similar. I like it.” Yuuichirou’s
smile directed towards him was so dazzling that the blond had to look away, his
cheeks feeling warm at the words directed at him. Similar, with Yuu-chan. He
never failed to utter these overly cheesy lines to make him feel better, not
even seeming to realize how happy it made the vampire. 
The two were engulfed by a comfortable silence as they walked inside the
slightly smaller building, Yuuichirou reserving the glory of stepping in first,
green eyes glimmering like an excited child's. It was endearing that he still
got so into things such as exploring abandoned houses: it was a refreshing
feeling for the vampire, who couldn't even remember the last time he had been
focused on anything other than keeping the said dark-haired teen safe and
alive.
“Alright, I’ll scout out the downstairs. You can go check out the upstairs,
Mika, and I’ll join you when I’m done.” Mikaela only nodded as an
answer, taking a quick glance at the human already rummaging through a dusty
old closet before making his way up the creaking stairs. Careful in his steps,
not sure how reliable the building was after all that it had survived through.
He would rather not be the reason why the upper floor collapsed on his
childhood friend.
The vampire's attention was instantly directed to a big wardrobe-like closet on
the back end of the room. Deeming it the best place to look for clothing to
warm up the humans, Mikaela made his way over and pulled over the dull
mahogany doors, only to discover that the closet was mostly empty. There were
only a few pieces of tattered outerwear hanging from the clothing rack, but the
red eyes were more fixated on what was behind them. Moving the clothes slightly
to the side, Mika uncovered a heavily built full-body mirror completely covered
in dust leaning against the back of the closet, lined with a wide
frame. Completely brought speechless as his palm dusted off the thick layer of
gray curiously, clearing up the ragged surface.
He stood still, frozen solid in shock as he stared at the image looking back at
him. While the mirror had definitely seen better days, the material being dirty
and scratchy but the reflection was still clear enough to make out. Slowly, his
hand rose up to feel the rough texture of it's surface, the faintest traces of
the left-over dust instantly sticking to his white gloves. But Mikaela didn’t
even notice, as he was completely preoccupied with staring at his reflection in
the mirror. At himself.
Or at whatever it was that he had become.
Of course he had always known there were physical changes after becoming a
vampire, even Yuuichirou had called out to him about the color of his eyes
changing when he had finally given up and drunk his blood. And how obvious his
fangs were in his mouth, reminding him of their existence by the slightest of
aches every time the hunger was ignored for too long. And of course while
actually doing the act of feeding, when he could physically feel them piercing
his childhood friend’s neck.
But it wasn’t the same as acknowledging it. No, Mikaela realized as the red
eyes – his eyes – in the mirror reflected the discordant feelings rummaging
inside of him. He had never come to terms with what he had become, he had
simply ignored the fact. Stored it away fully, as if somehow naively
imagining, hoping, that he might somehow remain the same. Despite having been
told he looks just like a vampire, it was not like he had ever stopped to look
at himself.
And yet now, he could see it all. And he was frightened by what he saw, unable
to deny what was staring back at him from the mirror. The sickeningly pale
skin, the fangs poking out between his parted lips, the accursed red eyes. All
the undeniable pieces of the proof that told him that he truly wasn’t a human
anymore, and that he could likely never be one again.
"Look what I found Mika! Perfectly usable clothes to keep out the cold, now
even that stupid telephone pole can't say that I do nothi--... Mika?"
Mikaela was abruptly brought back to reality from the dark corners of his mind
when he could hear Yuuichirou's voice breaking the illusion, dragging the
vampire's gaze away from the mirror. Had he looked for a moment longer, he
would have been able to see the tears dripping out of his eyes, the ultimate
non-vampire act in action.
"Mika? What's wrong?" The human quickly transformed from nonchalant to serious
in a matter of a second, discarding the pile of outerwear clothes he had found
on the desk to stride over to Mikaela, cupping his face. The vampire tried to
evade his gaze, but the hands on his cheeks kept him firmly still, turning his
head back to face him. "Talk to me, Mika. What is it? Did something happen?"
The obvious worry in Yuuichirou's voice made the blond's heart ache from
various heavy feelings, trying to force back a sob that tried to climb on the
surface.
"I... It's just, my reflection. ....I hadn't seen it since becoming a vampire."
Mikaela answered quietly, knowing it was impossible to tell the human to ignore
this. Yuu had grown so much more stubborn with time, now starting to remind him
more and more of himself from the times back at the orphanage. Back when he had
been relentlessly probing his nose in the other boy's business, not giving in
until he knew exactly who was bothering him or which kid was giving him a hard
time and beating them up. The same way of protection Mikaela had shown
Yuuichirou back then was the exact same as what Yuu was doing for him now,
except the human was far more gentle with him than he had ever been with him.
"Your reflection? But what's the problem, you look the same as always."
Yuuichirou looked almost as if he didn't understand the answer he got, the
frown on his face switching to a puzzled look. "No, I don't!" Mika lashed out,
slapping away the hands on his face to turn away from the human, shielding him
from his gaze. From the pure eyes which didn't understand just what was wrong,
looking at him far too kindly to realize how much this mattered to him. "For
the first time I clearly saw these... these fangs and these red eyes and I... I
don't even look like myself anymore, just what am I?! I look exactly like a
vampire, what I wanted to become the least all this time and still after all
I... I'm... Amons-". 
"You're Mika, my important family. Nothing less, nothing more." The human
interrupted his speech firmly with a determined hand on his shoulder, pulling
him back around to face him. They both knew Mikaela was the stronger one, that
he could have broken out of his grip if he desired to. But he didn't. He wanted
the acceptance, he craved for it with every fiber of his being even if he
didn't know how to voice it. He didn't even know how exactly to accept it, but
somehow he didn't need to. All because it was Yuu.
"No matter what color your eyes are, no matter what you look like, you're still
Mika." The look in Yuuichirou's eyes spoke of such determination that for a
moment Mikaela couldn't do anything but blindly believe what he was saying. For
the first time, even if only momentarily, he truly thought that it didn't
matter. The human's hand moved to cup his face, the endearing touch making the
vampire's eyes look up at him, the red eyes holding the slightest glimpse of
hope. Want to believe in his words.
"...Besides, what are you complaining about? You still look good." The
lighthearted grin on his childhood friend's face brought the tiniest of
twitches to the corners of the vampire's mouth, his cheeks tinting a faint
shade of pink. It was hard for him to comprehend how easily Yuuichirou seemed
to say the even things he could never find himself articulating out loud,
scared of rejection. "Still? So Yuu-chan thought I looked good before?" Mikaela
found himself retorting, the faintest trace of smile on his face as Yuu's
easygoing nature instantly infected him, making him want to tease him. His
childhood friend truly had the skill to make him feel so much more human than
he had felt in a long time.
It was enjoyable to see Yuuichirou being the one with a hint of red on his face
this time, bringing a quiet giggle out of the vampire. It felt so easy when
they were together like this, just the two of them: Mikaela felt at peace. Like
he could act as naturally as he had a long time ago, when the entirety of his
mind wasn't completely focused on finding the dark-haired boy and keeping
him safe at any cost. Back when the horrible choices he had made hadn't haunted
his entire life at every step he took, cornering him in to a dark place within
his own shell of a mind.
The human wasn't intent on losing, however. He had grown to be far more in
touch with his feelings, able to say the things he couldn't as a child. Or
rather, wanting to say them now that they were together again, out of fear that
they might not get another chance. "Yes." Yuuichirou then admitted surprisingly
easily, his thumb tracing his childhood friend's facial features before resting
against the his soft skin on his cheek. "But then again, I always think so."
The dark-haired teen laughed lightly seeing the taken-back expression on the
vampire's face, his own now full of fondness. 
"...Mika." There was an unexplainable feeling blooming in his chest, like he
wanted to be painfully honest with his childhood friend. Wanting to let him
know everything he had ever thought of him, to make Mikaela aware of how
important it was for him to have him back at his side again after all these
years. How much it all affected him, especially now at this moment.
"What is it, Yuu-chan?"
"I love you."
To say that the expression on the vampire's face was dumbfounded was an
understatement. Yuuichirou kept his eyes locked onto Mikaela's despite his
inner want to turn away and blush furiously at how forward he was being, but he
didn't. He wanted to be straight with him, he owed Mika at least this much
after all of the painful memories he must have caused him by denying the warm
feelings he had granted him back as children. Especially since they had been
separated on such awful terms, never again did he want that to happen.
"Y-yuu-chan?" The vampire's face turned bright red as he couldn't fully
comprehend what he was told, his facial expression slipping from shock to
disbelief, before finally ending with him tearing up. He looked so very
vulnerable, so human. Yuuichirou could never see him as a vampire, not when he
knew what he was truly like. The human gave him some time in silence, just
looking at him with his gaze a mixture of gentleness and intensity, his thumb
moving up to brush the tears out of his childhood friend's eye.
"Mika, do you like me?"
Mikaela's eyes stared to the side as his cheeks kept the color that could have
put his eyes to shame as he then slowly nodded, expression serene as if it was
the most obvious answer he had ever uttered. "...You're the most important
person to me, Yuu-chan. Of course I like you..." His voice was soft, almost a
whisper but sounded perfectly sincere. The way he felt about Yuu was something
he couldn't really put into words: 'like' didn't justify it, but nowadays he
was not so good with words. So for now, it had to do.
"Really?" Yuuichirou's expression brightened at that in an overly joyed manner,
pulling the vampire in for a tight hug, grinning as he felt Mikaela holding him
just as tightly. His own heart raced at the huge feelings of happiness
unraveling inside of him, feeling content hearing the vampire's heart beating
just as loudly. It felt perfect, being together like this. He wouldn't mind the
chance to share intimate moments such as this forever with him. "That's great,
Mika! Now that we're together, I can finally prove that damn Shinoa that I'm
not destined to be a cherry boy forever---"
"...No."
...Huh?
End Notes
     I already regret committing to this someone give me mental strength..
     Aaaaahhhhhhh..........
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