Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/32134.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Katekyou_Hitman_Reborn
  Relationship:
      Gokudera_Hayato/Sawada_Tsunayoshi
  Additional Tags:
      1000-3000_words, Age_Difference, Alternate_Universe
  Series:
      Part 1 of Old_Friends,_New_Skins
  Stats:
      Published: 2008-07-16 Words: 1417
****** What You Want vs. What You Need ******
by ivoryandhorn
Summary
     He's not the man Gokudera wants him to be.
Notes
     Set during the Future Arc, so...spoilers for that.
     The pairing should rightly read future!Gokudera/Tsuna (with hints of
     future!Gokudera/future!Tsuna).
     Written for a Shounen_Jump_Kink_Meme on LJ. In my head this is an AU
     where Hibari was brought forward instead of Gokudera.
"There you go, boss," Gokudera says, smoothing the cloth along Tsuna's arms.
"You look just like yourself now."
The suit's too big for Tsuna, really, even though it's been cut down to fit his
shorter arms and legs (probably by Haru or Kyoko, sewing late into the night,
he thinks guiltily). The blazer and slacks hang awkwardly on his skinny frame.
Tsuna tries to imagine being ten years older, with a few more inches on him and
the muscle to fill the expensively tailored clothes—tries to imagine waking up
every day with Kyoko beside him, waking up to pull on a suit and to order
people to kill and to die—but he can't, not really. It's weird to think of ten
years ahead when he's barely sure of which high school he'll be attending in
two, when he's not sure he'll even live to see his middle school graduation.
Gokudera hovers nervously behind him as Tsuna frowns at his reflection in the
mirror, his own shirtsleeves rolled up, perennial cigarette dangling from the
corner of his mouth. "Well, boss?"
Tsuna turns around. He can see that Gokudera hurts, inside where it doesn't
show, and he also sees that he can't do anything about it, not really. But he
wants—just once, at least—to feel like he knows what he's doing and that what
he's doing is the right thing, that all this—this faith everyone has in him
because of the man he will become, wants to feel that all that belief won't be
in vain. "Gokudera," he says nervously. He reaches up to pluck the cigarette
from Gokudera's mouth, stubbing it out on a nearby ashtray.
"Yeah, boss?"
This Gokudera's way taller than him but he leans down without resistance when
Tsuna tugs on his tie, pulling him down to kiss him—he knows a little what he's
doing, from TV and manga and watching high schoolers make out on street
corners, but that's not much.
"T-Tenth—" Gokudera stutters, but Tsuna tugs insistently on his shirtsleeves,
so he shuts up and falls to his knees and now Tsuna's the one who has to tilt
his head down for the kiss, and when Gokudera's mouth falls open he nervously
pushes his tongue in. This shiver runs down his spin as he listens to his
grown-up best friend moan for more.
The kiss isn't actually as awkward as Tsuna had thought kissing would have
been, what with tongues being in other people's mouths and stuff. Gokudera's a
weird mix of encouraging and—and just being there, making little noises so
Tsuna can sort of figure out what to do with himself, but not making any moves
himself. Until his hand cups Tsuna through his pants.
And Tsuna jumps at the touch, flushing even more because he's—he's kind of
half-hard just from the kissing and he hadn't even realized it, not really.
Gokudera's broad hand, stroking slow and steady, is only making it worse—or
better, really, because it's not like—not like it doesn't feel good, it's just
kind of weird, different from having his own hand on himself, and really
different from feeling skin on skin.
When Gokudera looks at him questioningly he nods and lets Gokudera pull out the
shiny leather belt (which has two extra holes punched in to fit his smaller
teenage waist) and unzip the black slacks, lets Gokudera push aside his boxers
and wrap his larger hand around Tsuna and—yeah, that's definitely good, and
even if it's still a little weird. The feeling fades fast, though (and Tsuna
wonders a little guiltily if it's so good because Gokudera's had practice doing
this for the older him, whether that's why his eyes look so sad when they see
him wandering the base instead of his adult self.). Tsuna rocks into Gokudera's
differently-callused touch, feeling kind of embarrassed at himself for being
so, so eager, but not so much he wants to stop. Not at all.
The first touch of Gokudera's tongue is totally unexpected and kind of makes
Tsuna jump, but when he doesn't pull away or say anything, Gokudera keeps
going. Tsuna fists his small hands in the expensive fabric of Gokudera's shirt
as his mouth works around him, hot and wet, wetter than the kissing, and—and he
keeps doing things with his tongue that Tsuna can't even imagine in his head
but feel really, really good. He watches the lean curve of Gokudera's bent back
and wonders a little dazedly whether or not this is what, what sex feels
like—well, this kind of is sex, but like, actual sex (and maybe Gokudera had
done this for the older him too) and—
—and Tsuna comes harder than he's ever come in his life, than all those furtive
nights curled up in his bed and hoping no one suddenly walks in or gets thrown
in through the window or something. He comes so hard that he sees stars, that
his legs feel weak and shaky, and suddenly he's holding on to Gokudera's fancy
shirt a lot harder than he was before, because it's that or fall on his behind.
"B-Boss!" Gokudera hurriedly wipes his mouth (the mouth where Tsuna had just—oh
god, did he really—in his mouth—) with the back of his hand and helps him down
to the hardwood floor, so he can lay down and take a breather. "Are you—did
I—are you alright?"
"I'm fine," Tsuna pants. He notices the bulge in Gokudera's pants and flushes
even more—well, duh, of course, right? But it's different knowing than seeing
that—what Gokudera did was enough to, to make him hard too. "You—you should—you
too."
"Boss—" Gokudera tries to say, but Tsuna's paws clumsily at the skull buckle of
his belt, because Gokudera had just—yeah, and it'd be rude not to return the
favor, right? Especially when they're friends, different times and dead hims or
not. Gokudera stays where he is, on his knees by Tsuna's side and hunched over,
while Tsuna fumbles and pulls his cock out of his boxers, awkwardly jerking the
older man off. He—it feels so much bigger than his own, his hand fits around it
differently, and Tsuna wonders, feeling his face heat up even more, whether his
will ever be that big if he grows up.
Gokudera comes all over his own shirt with a muffled noise that sounds like
maybe he stopped himself midway, his brow furrowed like he's—he's maybe
thinking of someone else (who looks just like Tsuna, but taller, and deserving
of all this faith and trust). When he finishes, he grabs Tsuna's hand and wipes
it clean on his own pants before Tsuna can say a word, before collapsing on the
ground next to him.
Neither of them say much of anything for a while.
Tsuna still doesn't quite know how to deal with the Gokudera of his time, much
less this older Gokudera—the one who's crumbling inside from the loss of a man
Tsuna doesn't yet know. This Gokudera is a timebomb, not dynamite; instead of
going off fast and sharp and no worse for wear, it's like he's ticking down to
one last blast that will simply scrub him away, leaving nothing behind. Smokin'
Crater Hayato.
But Tsuna's not the man this Gokudera wants him to be, and maybe he never will
be, the way things are going. But Gokudera—whatever his age is, whatever age he
comes from—is still his friend, he's certain of that at least. If there's a way
for him to ease Gokudera's pain then…then he'll take it, he'll do his best and
he'll try, because as frightening and unpredictable as Gokudera can be, Tsuna
still likes him and cares about him as much as he does Yamamoto, or Kyoko, or
Reborn—as he values all of his friends, mafia or no.
"It's going to be okay," Tsuna says at last, resting a hand in Gokudera's
feathery hair. "I'm…I'm still Vongola Tenth and you're, you're still my right-
hand man, right? All the Guardians are here, right, and we've got Reborn and
Lal and everyone with us too. We'll—we can fix whatever went wrong. We can." He
wishes he could believe it. "We will. All of us, together. As—as a family."
Gokudera curls closer to his side and sighs a word that might be "Tenth" and
might be "Tsuna" or might be nothing at all.
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