Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/841524.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Teen_Wolf_(TV)
  Relationship:
      Derek_Hale/Stiles_Stilinski
  Character:
      Derek_Hale, Stiles_Stilinski, Gerard_Argent, Other(s)
  Additional Tags:
      First_Time, Past_Rape/Non-con, mating_games
  Collections:
      Mating_Games:_The_Teen_Wolf_Pornation_Weekly_Challenges_Revealed
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-06-13 Words: 746
****** What You Make Of It ******
by kattale
Summary
     Your first time is what you make of it.
     After cutting ties with Beacon Hills to go to an early qualifying
     year at college, Stiles returns the next summer to face some demons,
     determined to reclaim the first time that was taken from him.
     Challenge #1 of Mating Games
Notes
     This was my entry #1 for the Teen Wolf Mating Games Challenge. All
     submissions required a limit of 750 words.
     Challenge #1 was First Times/Last Times, with the stipulation that
     the First Time/Last Time cannot refer to a sexual act itself. I chose
     First Time - Consent (which sort of pushes the sexual act
     restriction, but in this context I think of consent as a human-
     rights/political/criminal issue, and an issue of self-determination,
     rather than a sexual act.
     This story is actually a snippet of a much longer story I had in my
     brain, of Stiles going away to an early qualifying year of uni
     without telling anyone, burning bridges after a brutal beating & rape
     at the end of S2. He does come back eventually, with Derek endgame,
     but in the original story this first-time scene actually took place
     with Danny, as a between friends thing, and it was a lot more light
     and playful. It was much later after that before Stiles was able to
     work through his anger at Scott, and face the budding relationship he
     might have had growing with Derek. There was magical ADHD sweater-
     knitting over the summer before he left, and a lovely Mary-Sue
     interlude at uni, as well. But only this snippet got re-worked into
     an actual submission. Really, the only reason that this snippet
     replaced Danny with Derek, is because the Danny friendship angle was
     a much better story, and just refused to pack down into 750 words.
     Special thanks, again, to the hosts and mods of the Mating Games
     challenge for encouraging beginner and weak writers to stretch their
     skill. I <3 you guys!
It was only afterwards, when the sweat and the cum had been wiped away and they
lay on Derek’s mattress side by side, arms brushing, that Stiles found his
panic rising. He swallowed and furiously willed away the tears prickling his
eyes. He could do this. “I lied, Derek.”
“I know.” Derek didn’t move, didn’t turn towards him, or away from him.
“This wasn’t really my first time.” Stiles voice sounded closed off, even to
himself. Derek was silent, letting him speak, so he dragged a deep breath in,
and continued. “I know I said it was, when I asked you to do this for me.”
He swallowed. “There was this thing that happened. Before I left, before I went
away to school…” He glanced at the man beside him. “I wasn’t running out on
you. Or the pack. I just – I couldn’t deal with it. You probably thought - but
it wasn’t about the wolf stuff. Not really.”
Derek rolled to face him. “You could have said you were going, Stiles. Eight
fucking months.” His voice wasn’t angry, just gentle, and sad. “I.. the whole
pack was devastated. You destroyed Scott. He shouldn’t have had to find out
from your Dad after you’d gone.”
“Yeah, well maybe he’d have known, if he wasn’t so caught up in his own fucking
after-school special all summer long.” Stiles tried to tamp down on the anger,
but it crested in him, like water threatening to burst through a dam. “He knew
I’d applied for a qualifying year. But he had patrols to run, stupid wolf wars
to strategise – you guys were so wrapped up in your little wolf world… I went
through HELL for your pack, and you didn’t even fucking notice!” He’d promised
himself he wouldn’t lose it. Stiles scrabbled for his balled up t-shirt to
scrub the snot and tears from his face.
“I was just so fucking pissed at you guys. At everything. Everything was just
spiralling out of control. My fucking life.” Stiles sat up, clutching the sheet
to his chest. “Nightmare after fucking nightmare. We almost drowned, Derek! I
watched my Dad’s friends get gunned down and ripped apart. And Gerard… the
hunters… what they did to me, in Allison’s basement…” Stiles broke down,
sitting up in the bed and wrapping his arms around his knees, sobs breaking
free. “I had no-one, Derek! No-one to tell. Scott was too distracted, the pack
was busy. Melissa got me treatment, drove me to the next county for stitches. I
had to beg her not to tell my dad, so your whole stupid wolf thing wouldn’t
come out.”
Derek’s arms were around him now, and Stiles could feel wetness as he lay his
cheek against Stile’s shoulder. His voice was almost a whisper. “I knew.”
Stiles tried to pull away, to turn, but Derek tightened his arms around him.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Stiles. I knew. I could smell the bleeding, the semen…
But you didn’t say anything – were so fucking strong. I don’t know why – I
wanted to respect your privacy. I knew what it felt like. Maybe not the
violence, but the feeling of being used, of being utterly helpless, no control
over anything that was happening to you. I knew that shame, and I just – I
couldn’t call you on it. I wanted to give you that.”
“I didn’t want privacy, Derek.” Stiles wanted to scream. “I wanted my pack. I
needed you to just – read my mind or something. I don’t know. I needed to be
cared for. Not fucking ignored, as if your huge werewolf drama was more
important than anything I went through.”
“So you left. I - get that. But you came back?”
“Well, yeah. I wanted this.” Stiles twisted to face him, gesturing between
them. “For the first time in my life, I could be in control of something. I
refuse to cut myself off from sex and love, because... Those fuckers won't take
that from me. I won't be broken.
“I decided to make my own first time. Even if it wasn’t my first sex – it's my
first time CHOOSING. My first time being in control of what I want. So – thank
you.”
“You knew I’d say yes.” Derek said softly.
Stiles moved to climb onto Derek’s lap, pulling him close until their foreheads
pressed together. “Yeah, I knew. Knew when I was ready, you’d be here waiting.”
He ground forward, lips and cocks pressing together with utter certainty.
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