Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/12128487.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major
      Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M, F/F
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Sirius_Black/Remus_Lupin
  Character:
      Remus_Lupin, Sirius_Black, James_Potter, Lily_Evans_Potter, Severus
      Snape, Peter_Pettigrew, Frank_Longbottom, Alice_Longbottom, Marlene
      McKinnon, Dorcas_Meadowes, Fabian_Prewett, Gideon_Prewett, Emmeline
      Vance, Mary_Macdonald, Albus_Dumbledore, Fenrir_Greyback, Avery,
      Mulciber, Carrow, Original_Male_Character(s), Original_Female_Character
      (s)
  Additional Tags:
      Female!Remus_-_Freeform, Angst, Mental_Illness, Anxiety, Eating_Disorder,
      Smoking, Drinking, War-Centric, Marauders, Gender_Swapping, Suicide,
      Death, Loss, Pain, Dark, Self-Mutilation, Abuse, Triggers, Explicit
      Sexual_Content, Explicit_Language, War, Love, Relationship(s), Underage
      Drinking, Underage_Smoking, Underage_-_Freeform, Rape/Non-con_Elements,
      Abusive_Relationships, Jealousy, Protectiveness, Alternate_Universe, sort
      of, Canon_Compliant, Fluff_and_Angst, Fluff, Toxic_Relationship, toxic,
      Cutting, PTSD, Trauma, Illegal_Activities, Depression, OCD, Slow_Burn,
      Marauders'_Era, Guilt, Hogwart's, Post-Hogwart's, Flashbacks, Werewolf,
      spells, wolfstar, Kinks
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-09-18 Updated: 2017-09-20 Chapters: 5/? Words: 30563
****** We Said Goodbye to Forever ******
by MagicMight
Summary
     It's the Marauders 7th year. Things are dark and getting darker. The
     war is no longer a far away threat, but a real one taking its toll on
     the entirety of the Wizarding World. Join them as they navigate light
     and dark, the changing allegiance of friends, and the angst of life
     in between. This story is writing itself, bare with me. Remus is a
     female in this story and consequently named "Renata," who will have
     more of an important role throughout the war.
     Angst and pain forever, guys. Have at it.
***** The Train Ride is Just the Beginning *****
Chapter Notes
     Here it is, Chapter 1 officially!
     All credit for the characters and their world as well as some general
     plot tidbits belong to the illustrious J.K. Rowling. I am not
     profiting off of this story in any way, merely stretching my muses as
     they come to me.
     Alright guys, here goes nothing. My first take at a Marauders story--
     it's writing itself so, bare with me! Expect heavy angst and pain.
     Seriously. The tags aren't just for fun. If you're easily triggered
     or looking for endless fluff and love, this story isn't for you. We
     all know what happened to the Marauders. Essentially...this isn't
     changing. You've been formally warned.
     I took the liberty of making Remus a girl instead. Say hello to
     Renata Lupin! Different, I know. But is it really? 
     If you want some visual aid, Kassi Smith (a model) is the face I'm
     using for Renata. She's stunning, look her up!
     This story takes place in seventh year, though I will likely do a
     time jump to after Hogwarts in order to explore more war-centric
     plots!
     Happy reading.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Renata shifted her shoulder bag gingerly from one side to the other and did her
best not to wince as she and her parents made their way through the commotion
that was nine and three-quarters. If her father noticed any discomfort, he'd
insist she stay at home an extra day or two before heading back to Hogwarts.
And if her mother noticed, she'd burst into tears and cause a scene. Neither of
which scenario were appealing at the moment. All she wanted was to get back to
school, settle in, and be with those who didn't treat her as if she was broken
glass. She did have to reason with her parents, however. 
The full moon had been a bad one.
Without Sirius, James, and Peter, Renata had struggled more than usual. 
Sirius and James had managed to come round for the first two of the summer,
while Peter had been caught up with his mother on holiday. For the third, Peter
had tried to make arrangements with the others to floo over but the Potter's
and their honorary second son had been on Holiday in Aspen. It wouldn't have
made any sense for Peter to cower as a mouse in the corner of the Lupin's
cellar, so she'd braved the final moon of the summer alone.
Frankly, Renata was glad no one had been around to see her tearing herself to
bits. And, besides, they would have more than enough time to charge around
together during the year. 
She dressed loosely in her favorite jumper (one she'd stolen from her father
years ago). Worn and oversized so the sleeves came past her hands and covered
the nervous wreck that she'd unleashed on her finger nails. It was a nasty
habit but, when she was lost in her thoughts, it was the only thing that kept
her grounded. 
"Now, love, don't hesitate to write us if you want to come home--" Hope started
tearfully and threw her arms around her daughter tightly causing Renata to grit
her teeth in discomfort.
"I know, mum, you say this every year. I promise, I'll be fine, and hols will
be around before you know it!" She insisted kindly and pressed a kiss to her
mother's cheek before she turned to Lyall, who smiled warmly.
Warmly enough anyway. Renata knew he was always more guilt ridden after full
moons. He still blamed himself after all these years for the twisted revenge-
plan of a sadistic mad man, "Write soon, darling," he told her quietly, to
which she nodded, feeling choked up herself. No matter how often she swore to
him she had never blamed him for a second, her father was hell-bent on letting
her and the rest of the world know that this was "his fault". He'd been well-
outspoken in the ministry, calling for Fenrir Greyback's death. Consequently,
Greyback had set his mind on revenge. 
The memory felt almost foreign now. She could barely remember her father
driving the werewolf off. What she remembered instead were his sobs and the
tightness with which he held her. The sadness with which he looked upon her
during every physician's appointment when they were told there would never be a
cure.
Dad is always hardest to let go of, she thinks to herself before they release
one another and she bids them both her love. As she steps onto the train, she's
jostled sharply by a group of first years giggling as they race one another to
the bathrooms to change their robes. She smiles warmly, distracted by the
innocence of it all. She didn't think she had ever been that carefree in her
entire life. Until, of course, she met the Marauders.
"Oi, Renny!" 
Renata turns at the familiar voice and even more selective nickname, "Padfoot,"
she smiles warmly and they hug gingerly, Sirius careful not to put too much
pressure on her back and shoulders, for they always ached worse than the rest
of her--not to mention her bandages would need changing as she could feel her
wounds had opened after her parents ferocious hugging. He must've noticed her
exhaustion, for he said nothing as he guided her gingerly with a hand barely-
there at the small of her back and led her into a compartment.
She was grateful to see it was empty, meaning they had a few moments to
themselves. She never had to worry about keeping up the ruse around Sirius. He
reached gently to take her chin in his hand which wouldn't allow her to break
eye contact, "This one was bad," it wasn't a question, Sirius could always
tell.
"No worse then--"
"--then bleeding through your jumper?"
She started and reached up to her shoulder self-consciously, only to see Sirius
was smirking and his eyebrow was quirked devilishly, "You mutt!" She teased and
aimed a swatter at his side, but allowed Sirius to take her bag from her
shoulder and pull the loose neck of her jumper out enough for him to have a
look, "I have to change them," she tried quietly, as if to ease his concern,
"Mum and da' were a bit aggressive in their goodbyes," she meant to sound as if
she were teasing, but something about his reaction told her she fell flat.
"I've got it," he assured her and was quick to pull the necessary supplies from
her pack. She lifted the back of her sweater and held it as he set to work with
nimble, practiced fingers. Renata was struck with sadness as she realized his
skill at bandaging injury was not solely due to her frequent wounds as a
werewolf, but to Sirius's own as a Black.
As if to pull her mind from it, she says: "What would James and Peter think if-
-"
If she didn't know any better, she would've assumed that their names were
taboo, for as soon as they left her lips, the compartment door slid open and
the two barreled in, James looking put-out and Peter cajoling what was
undoubtedly another rejection. Not taboo, just purely terrible timing.
"How are we going to marry if she doesn't even want to spend time with me?
We're head boy and girl!" James whined. He might've continued on, but the sight
before his eyes was far too distracting. There she was, hunched slightly to
keep the back of her jumper above her shoulders and closer to her neck, while
Sirius was carefully pulling the wrappings from her skin. Peter's jaw had
nearly hit the floor, and James pointedly blinked twice, "Hope we're not
interrupting--" he began with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Renata aimed at him
with a kick, but he had moved just out of reach, "What would sweet Lenny say if
he could see this daring scene, oh?" James snickered and, this time, Sirius's
elbow collided with his ribs in a very satisfying way.
"Piss off, Prongs," Sirius muttered, focusing at the task at hand. Renata was
infinitely grateful that her hair covered the flush on her cheeks. Lenny, or
rather, Lennox Edgecombe, her "sort of" boyfriend, would not be thrilled by the
sight at all. He was skeptical of her relationship with the Marauder's in
general and much preferred she hung out with Lily, Dorcas, and Alice. Even he
drew the line at the rambunctious musings of Marlene Mckinnon--who Renata was
admittedly the closest with. Aside from the boys.
Once Sirius had finished, he reached to help tug her jumper more appropriately
into place and she thanked him quietly with a brief moment of meaningful eye
contact, "Speaking of," she started quietly and turned for the door, "I should
find him before--"
"Before he gets angry with you and tries to convince you to leave us forever?"
Peter, rash and tactless as ever. He means well but sometimes, he's a bleeding
fool. At least, she tries internally, he says the obvious things that a person
shouldn't say and makes them all equally uncomfortable, not just her. She
doesn't answer, but in the reflection of the glass she can see James smacking
Peter upside the head, and Sirius glaring sharply after her.
Renata chewed her bottom lip as she peered through compartment doors, searching
for Lennox. They'd only started dating two months before school ended. He was a
Ravenclaw. Smart (if not a bit of a know it all), assertive (yet gently so),
possessive and protective (in a way she felt was sweet as opposed to
domineering). She'd visited him for a few days over the summer, as had he
visited her (though her father had refused to allow him to stay the night).
He'd never had that reservation with the boys before. He'd even helped James,
Sirius, and Peter set up a floor fort in her bedroom the years prior.
Part of her knew it was the ridiculous way with which James and Sirius were
able to charm others and talk their way both into and out of a variety of
situations. Another part of her knew that her father unfailingly trusted the
boys and admired their acceptance of her Lycanthropy. The fact that they had
stood by her all this time has warmed the Lupin's hearts. All they'd wanted was
for Renata to have a "normal life". The Marauders had brought her the happiness
they'd been afraid she wouldn't find.
She'd looked throughout the entire train but couldn't find him--she did,
however, find Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, and Alice in their own compartment with
their heads bent together.
"What's James gone and done now?" She asked casually as she leaned against the
compartment's open door with a warm smile, brightening further once they
realized who it was exactly, who had interrupted their gossiping. They all
moved forward and she embraced each one in turn, feeling terribly guilty that
she hadn't made more of a concerted effort to see them over the summer. Not one
of the girls seemed to mind it all, as they pulled her to sit down with them.
"He really doesn't seem so awful this year, Lils," Marlene commented with a
shrug as she filed her nails. Alice scrunched up her face and nodded in
agreement despite the look of betrayal that flashed briefly across Lily's
features. Dorcas snickered behind her hand and dropped her head in Renata's lap
carelessly.
Renny hesitated only for a moment. Even after all these years the casualty with
which her group of friends made physical contact was mildly unsettling. She was
often stiff and rigid under the touch of other's from the lingering assumptions
of doctors and Ministry officials that had been in and out of her life when she
was younger. Even her parents had, at first, been so cautious with her--
afraid. 
Sirius was himself, unstoppably affectionate. His arm was always thrown around
one of their shoulders, leaving the lasting impression that he needed constant
support otherwise he'd collapse from the "weight of his ego," as Marlene had
once put it with a sigh of admiration. 
The McKinnons and Blacks had grown up in high society together. Though, Marlene
had been happy to note upon her 3rd year that her parents had finally withdrawn
from the nonsense of Pureblood Supremacy that leaked like poison through the
ranks of Purebloods. For Renata, she most enjoyed the stories of an overzealous
young-Sirius, running under the skirts of older women and hiding from his
parents wrath. It seemed he'd never really been one for any sort propriety.
Renata dropped her hands to Dorcas's long, dark tresses and began to braid a
few pieces together as the girls continued on about James.
"What say you, Ren?" Alice chirped airily, her spiky brown pixie-cut framing
her face, making her look more like a fairy than she usually did.
Renata mulled it over, "James acts like an idiot when he's around you, it's
true--but that's because he's nervous for you to like him. When he's more
comfortable he's a completely different guy. He's really quite kind.
Surprisingly thoughtful. And you've all got to admit he's a handsome bloke,"
Renata told them all, as if she hadn't said this to Lily a hundred times
before. It wasn't until she saw the pitying look on Lily's face that she
realized they'd been joined by another who lingered by the door.
Lennox.
"Hope I'm not interrupting," he muttered, his face flushed with annoyance that
might have dance with embarrassment as he spun away and retreated. 
"I should go fix that," Renata sighed softly, expecting Dorcas to move. When
she didn't, Renny fixed her with a curious look, "What?" As the others
exchanged knowing looks, Renata started to feel herself bristling
uncomfortably, "What?" She repeated with a more firm demand in her tone. It was
Marlene who spoke then, more measured and thoughtful than Renata could remember
ever have hearing her speak before.
"Is everything alright with you and Edgecombe, Ren?"
"What do you mean? Why wouldn't it be?" 
"It's just," Lily sighed, "Everytime we see him, since last year and well, now,
I mean, he's angry or annoyed at your for something. And he tries to dictate
who you can spend time with--" she blurted and her confidence spurred the other
girls on, even Alice, who was typically more mild-mannered like she was.
"We just worry he's not making you happy and...if it continues like this, I
don't know, Ren--I've heard stories about him," Alice's voice was barely a
whisper.
"Stories," Renny repeated drily, a spike of anger catching her off guard. Had
they not thought to tell her this before?
Dorcas sat up quickly and took her hands in her own, "Nothing too awful...and
we just thought it would fizzle out and--but it's gotten so much more serious
than that. Peter said you stayed 'round his this summer and, well, you didn't
even tell any of us! And he was at yours, but we didn't see you at all." 
Renata couldn't tell if Dorcas was implying that she had intentionally been
trying to hide the time she spent with Lennox because she "knew" it wasn't the
best of relationship, or if Dorcas was letting her know that the lot of them
were hurt by her lack of effort to visit during the holiday, "I am sorry I
couldn't come see you guys, really, I am. But Lennox and I are fine. And I
really would appreciate it if you came to me with our concerns instead of
gossiping about them amongst one another," her words did not come off unkindly,
but they were firm. She was resolute in her decision and had grown far more of
a backbone these pet few years surrounded by such bright and loud
personalities. Gently, she pulled her hands from Dorcas and left with a stiff
smile to find Lenny.
Admittedly, she felt nervous but tried to squash the discomfort in the pit of
her stomach. This was her boyfriend! What the girls thought or said was
irrelevant, wasn't it? Renata pulled open his compartment door at last where he
sat with some of his own friends looking rather removed from the conversation.
"Len?" She tried, "Come talk to me, would you?" She offered gently and waited
what felt like an eternity.
"I don't think I will."
She felt as if she had been slapped and quite literally found herself stepping
backwards in shock, "You--what?" the hurt and confusion was evident in her tone
and the other shifted uncomfortably, caught between their tension. When he
merely shrugged, Renata felt her temper flare again, as it was want to in the
days before and following a transformation. She stepped into the compartment
and directed her attention on Han Chang, Edgar Bones, and Domnall Goldstein,
"Give us a moment," There was an obvious edge to her voice that left them no
room to object. Within seconds the three had left the compartment and she
closed the door behind them, far harder than she needed to, "What's your
problem, Lennox?"
"My problem? Mine?" He spat back with a snort, "I'm so excited to see my
girlfriend and I find her gushing over James-bloody-Potter! I must've missed
the bit where you gushed over Sirius Black as well, right?"
Her face twisted with fury and disappointment, "How dare you, they're my
friends, Len, best friends!"
"Not anymore, they aren't. I won't have my girlfriend talking about how
handsome her 'best friends' are--such a load of bollocks, Dom said you were a
slag, running around with guys all the time--" he'd gotten to his feet but she
refused to be cowed.
"I won't let you talk to me this way, you're angry, I get that, but calling me
a whore and dictating who I'm able to be friends with? You're behaving like a
child. Maybe we'll just talk later once you've calmed down--" She turned to the
compartment door and had managed to slide it open just an inch when she felt
his hand close painfully tight around her wrist. When she turned back to face
him and protest, he yanked her closer, "Lennox, let go--"
"You can't walk away from me when we're in the middle--"
"You didn't even want to speak with me!"
"Well, now I want to finish this conversation."
"You're hurting me, let go. I'm not speaking to about this until you've calmed
down and can act rationally," She insisted in an even tone and tried to tug her
wrist free where her skin (tender as ever after the moon) was, no doubt,
bruising.
Something flashed in his eyes, be it remorse or pity, he let her go with a
shove of his arm just as the train lurched and sent her with more force then
had been intended towards the compartment door. She clattered against it
sharply and lost her footing. As she scrambled for purchase against the sliding
frame she felt herself flail and knew all hope was lost as she fell into the
corridor and landed sharply on her elbows with a cry that was more out of shock
than actual pain.
"Ren!" He shouted, shock and surprise written on his face as he realized what
he'd done, by way of the express that had suddenly lurched to a halt, "I never
meant, I'm so sorry--"
"You--I--" she couldn't find the words, but suddenly found she didn't need to
as a number of heads looked out into the corridor to investigate, not their
commotion, but what was happening with the train. She looked down the hall, her
cheeks flushed with embarrassment as others began to spot her on the ground as
well. 
Sirius was there in an instant, followed by James and Marlene who was glaring
daggers at a guilt-ridden Lennox, "What did you do?" Sirius hissed, the
sharpness of his features was lined impressively so with an air of Toujors Pur
and retaliation fit for the canine underneath.
"I didn't--"
"It was the train," Renata spoke, her voice cutting through the rising
suspicion of her friends, "It caught me off guard and I lost my balance," she
couldn't tell if they believed her, all she knew was that Lenny was helping her
to her feet in place of Sirius who had been brushed aside by Len's strong
hands, "Why have we stopped?" She asked next, looking among them for an answer
and a desperate distraction. As Marlene opened her mouth to protest, Renata
fixed her with a cold stare and the girls words were lost in her throat.
 The train gave another unpleasant lurch and somewhere down at the other end
someone screamed. 
"Everyone but 7th year, back in your compartments!" James shouted, starting at
a run to the other end of the train. Lily followed him immediately, and more
screams of fear followed them.
Lennox had taken her hand then to pull her back into his compartment but she
brushed him off and pulled her wand from her jeans, an unsettled feeling rooted
in her chest. She could smell it in the air, something awful--
--and their they were.
Standing at the front of the train, four masked, cloaked men. And another, who
wore no mask at all.
Fenrir Greyback.
Chapter End Notes
     How's that for a first chapter?! Let me know what you think--should I
     continue?
***** Close to Home *****
Chapter Notes
     Usual disclaimers apply, happy reading guys!
     Don't forget to let me know what you think--this is a bit out of my
     comfort zone and I'm desperate for feedback.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
A guttural snarl tore from Renata's chest. Her lip curled, baring teeth that
would have been sharp and razor like, had it been only two days ago. She knew
the instinct was primal, that she could sense the presence of another werewolf
(even in human form). And, not only that, but it was the one who had made her
this way. In Fenrir's mangy, nasty paws was a squirming, struggling boy who
couldn't have been older than thirteen, if that. There were fat tears rolling
down his cheeks but his cries were soundless. She felt a lurching sensation in
her stomach, not much different than that of the suddenly stopping train. If he
was bitten...would he turn into one of...us, the thought came so bitterly she
felt herself compelled to move. To do something. To stop him.
There was a primal part of her that felt grossly drawn to Greyback, and it
briefly crossed her mind that, because he was the one who had turned her, he
might hold some sort of power over her, not for her lack of trying to ignore or
fight it. But merely because it was a signature in her blood. He had bitten her
and turned her into a werewolf. The reason she experience every Full in such
excruciating pain was because of this fucking bastard, and he seemed to be
threatening to do it to another. Despite the fact that he might be her...Alpha
or Pack Leader (for lack of a better term) did nothing to sway her away from
the intense feelings of absolute disgust.
"Renata!" Someone shouted after her as she elbowed her way through the last of
the crowd cowering before the masked men; she paid no attention to whomever it
was trying to stop her. She would not be stopped. There was a terrifyingly
wolfish quality to her features and a cruelty coursing through her veins that
she knew not. It was unlike anything she had ever felt before. Not even when
she'd heard her father asking her mother if it was fair to subject her to a
life like this, that maybe they had forseen a better life for themselves
without her. And it was this fucking twat, sneering at her with a cruel smirk
that had made her this way and launched their family into this unforgiving
position.
"Drop him, Greyback!" She commanded, her wand raised threateningly. One of the
masked men also made to raise his wand but another quelled his movement with a
gesture as simple as holding out a hand--the gesture did no go unnoticed. He,
the one in the center was undoubtedly the leader of their group, "You won't
hurt anyone here today. Dumbledore is on his way and no doubt alerted the
Aurors--" the lie left her lips before she could stop herself. She wanted them
to go, she wanted them to be as terrified as the rest of them were. Only
children, even at seventeen...how could any of them be a match for fully grown,
dark wizards...and one maniacal werewolf?
The men did not seem to care for her threats as one of them laughed at
something low and indecipherable said by Greyback. The hair on the back of her
neck bristled, she was sure it was about her.
The man was horrid. Even though he looked human, the putrid smell and
animalistic notions that leaked from him were threatening. There was a
bloodlust about him that only strengthened as he stepped forward with the boy
raised a foot off of the ground by the back of his robes. The child looked
horrified, but there was a painful sort of hopeful-desperation in his eyes as
they fell on her, standing so defiantly in the face of terror. She had to save
him and, the way he was looking at her, he knew that she had to as well. She
couldn't let him down--she wouldn't, "Oh my, you pretty little one. I remember
you--" before he could go on with his taunts and jeers, she flicked her wand
and sent a stinging jinx at his chest and a mild lacerating hex at the arm with
which he had imprisoned the boy. As he cried out in shock, first from the pain
in his chest, followed by the sharp slicing in his arm, the child was able to
wiggle free and fell sharply to his knees.
Renata lunged and grabbed the boy by the hand before any of the other men could
make a move and shoved him behind her protectively. Even the split second in
which she'd turned her back to see that the boy had fallen into kind, nurturing
hands, (Yes, Alice, good) left her stupidly vulnerable. Fenrir stepped up to
her next, and she fought off the urge to cower. He had already done his worst
to her. She wasn't scared of him--but, Merlin, she was, oh Gods, she was. She
felt the inane urge to pray, as her mother had prayed with her when she was
little, as if Catholic Gods had any sway here in the face of demons.  
Instead of rage in his features, there was pure lust and he
looked...entertained by this. The werewolf reached with one finger to swipe the
blood leaking from his arm and pressed it to his lips for a taste with an
obscene flick of his tongue. The last of Renata's bravery faltered and she took
a hesitant step back, but he simply stepped closer and grabbed her by the front
of her sweater, soiling it with his sick touch, "Want a taste, pretty one? Just
after the moon, the bloodlust is insatiable, isn't it? Might be mine is just
what you desire," his words slid like black tar from his lips and through her
ears, she felt her stomach turn again and realized there was a suggestive lilt
to his voice, as if he was trying to suggest that this might be sensual. She
turned her head away in disgust, unable to even feel relieved that his words
were growled only low enough for her to hear.
Renata struggled then and reached to shove a strong arm at his chest. Despite
the strength she had left after the moon, he'd been at this for longer and he
was markedly stronger than she was, "Get the fuck off me you beast--" she
started venomously, hoping to spur something other than this terrifying humor
he was exhibiting. She felt like his toy. Her father's voice flickered through
her head:
Utterly insane, beyond saving. There's never been a more malicious werewolf
than he. Put to death, he should be. We confiscated him of his wand but it
hasn't seemed to stop him.
"Renata Lupin, I should've known you'd have grown to be a feisty she-wolf," his
mouth was still level with her ear and she knew his words were not quiet for
her benefit, but for his own. He wanted her skin to crawl. Even the heat of his
breath was malicious and provoked in her the urge to retch. Someone shrieked in
the background and she was painfully aware that it was Dorcas. She made to pull
away again but he caught her jaw in one hand and she winced as his grubby,
dirt-thickened fingernails cut into her skin, drawing blood, "My, my, you smell
delectable," he growled and, a cry of protest left her lips as his tongue raked
over the pinpricks of blood that had escaped from his scratches upon her skin.
Without a second thought she pointed her wand at his stomach and thought with
utmost despairBombarda. It was not strong enough to make him explode as she was
want to, but it was enough to set her free.
The beast was blasted off his feet and back into one of the others who shouted
their displeasure and shoved the wolf off of himself.
"Have you had enough fun yet, Greyback?" The masked man at the head of their
group sounded bored and disgusted with the display, "This is not what the Dark
Lord sent us for." 
The voice was cold and cruel and she couldn't pin it to anyone she knew, but
she swore it sounded familiar. It looked as if the werewolf might go after her
again, but the man in the front held up a hand to stop him...and perhaps to
stop the commotion that had begun to rise from the students. Hands were on her
then, strong and firm but utterly gentle as they yanked her back into the
protection of a crowd. James, Sirius, and Frank stood before her and the
others. She was vaguely aware of Lily and Marlene tending to her whereas Alice
had somehow managed to calm the sobbing boy previously in Greyback's clutches.
Dorcas was clinging to Peter's hand with his chest puffed out bravely.
"Tell us what you've come for and go, we want no trouble--but we won't let you
hurt one of our own," Sirius spoke with surprising resiliency, with the aura of
someone who had grown up used to others obeying commands. But there was
authority in his voice, something cold and unforgiving. A trait he had no doubt
been taught by Orion and Walpurga. To the rest of the train, it did not sound
like an order you could simply choose to ignore.
"Oh-ho, Sirius Black. Might be you'll be able to work your way back into your
family's good graces after all," Sirius visibly stiffened and his wand slid
from his sleeve to his palm, "Alas, we have merely come to extend an informal
invitation to join the winning side of war."
There was a murmur of shock that reverberated through the train, students old
and young alike could hear the words booming around them. 
"The Dark Lord will make himself known, and all we require for membership is
that you simplyask. In due time, dear children."
At that, they apparated, but not before Fenrir howled. 
"I'll come for you, my sweet girl."
Renata didn't need to be told the message was meant for her.
The train seemed to rumble to a start on its own; Lily and James gathered the
other prefects in order to make rounds and calm flustered students. Renata was
hardly of sound mind as she was ushered into a compartment by Sirius and Peter.
The door was closed in Lennox's crestfallen face, locked, and silenced so they
might speak freely. Peter was smug as he drew the screen to cover them as well.
"Are you insane?!" Sirius started in and helped Renata into a seat, "Peter,
chocolate--" ever handy, he had some in the pocket of his robes and thrust it
helpfully at Renata. She took it gratefully and nibbled a corner. Her nerves
calmed slightly, but she couldn't get rid of the trembling in her hands and
shoulders, "Merlin's fucking dick, Renny, I thought--" Sirius let out a
trembling sigh of his own and wrapped an arm around her shoulder's, unable to
even find it in herself to comment of Sirius's typical colorful choice of
words. She didn't know when exactly Peter left the compartment only that Sirius
pulled her fully into his arms and she felt the tears pricking the corners of
her eyes, "And the way that he touched you--" she wasn't even taken aback by
the anger in Sirius's tone. She felt filthy. Tainted even more than Fenrir had
tainted her before. Don't cry, don't you dare, she told herself, even as the
first tear fell to Sirius's shirt.
As her shoulders shook and Sirius held her tightly to his chest, the steady
beat of his heart eventually lulled her into a calmer state of mind. When she
finally pulled away, Sirius watched her closely. She knew he wanted an
explanation, "I--fuck, Sirius, he...I thought he was going to hurt that poor
boy and...I didn't know what else to do, I couldn't let that m-monster bite
him," even if she didn't think the boy would've been infected by Fenrir in his
human form, it was too much of a risk. And even seeing the boy being man-
handled like that..."He's the...he bit me. Fenrir Greyback. He's the reason
I'm--" Renata cut herself off, unable to say it. She'd never told her friends
that before. It hadn't been important in the scheme of things and she never
thought she'd be exposed to him again. They sat in tense silence as Sirius
recognized the gravity of the situation.
"I wish I'd killed him," Renata didn't have to speak to let Sirius know she
wished she had killed him too, "Let me fix you up, your bleeding still."
She reached up with a jerk of her arm, "Oh, gods--" she could still feel his
tongue on her skin, but Sirius's eyes had narrowed instead on the cuff of
bruises around her wrist. As pale as she was (both naturally and after
everything that had happened) they stuck out like smudges of charcoal on
canvas.
"Edgecombe." The look in his eyes and the tone in his voice made her realize
that this wasn't a question. Not at all. As Sirius made to stand in a furious
flurry of robes, Renata clung to his arm. The anger towards Lennox felt
different somehow compared to the murderous intent he'd previously expressed.
It still felt quite as deadly, however, and this was the last thing she needed
today. She'd talk to Lenny, she'd be able to sort it out on her own and, if she
had to leave him then she would, but he'd only made a mistake. They could work
on it and talk it out together, she knew they could.
"Stop it, Padfoot, now. I bruise easily after the Full, you know that. We'd had
an argument and I was going to walk out on him, he grabbed my arm the same way
I've got yours now," Renata blurted, the lie spilled seamlessly from her lips,
urgent to protect an unsuspecting Lenny who's pride was already wounded,
"Please, we've all had enough of this day already, let's just get back to
Hogwarts and find the Headmaster so we can tell him what happened here. This,
them showing up here, on the train? That was a threat, Sirius.  They're
recruiting for whatever this Dark Lord wants." The unspoken 'we can't let this
happen' passed between them and, at long last, he removed the charms on the
door and sat quietly beside Renata who dropped her forehead against the cool
window pane while the others filed in. The Dark Lord, they had called him, was
undoubtedly trying to inspire fear in the Wizarding World. If they feared him,
they would join him, simply to stay out of his path--Better to be feared than
loved,...Machiavelli, she thought she remembered from summer school a few years
back, as her mother had wanted her to keep up with a muggle education...should
she wish to pursue a job in the muggle world.
Or, rather, when she needed to.
Somewhere not long after she drifted to sleep, but not before her thoughts had
spun and whirled every terrible possibility. What if the war was lost
to...these masked men and their so-called Dark Lord. Would it be that she and
the rest of those who were not Pure would be...disposed of? Forced into
slavery? What would it mean for those who refused to bend to this mad-man?
And...for muggles?. If she kept on with it, she was sure her brain would short-
circuit, so, instead, she forced herself to breathe deeply and tune everything
else out.
It didn't stop the others from discussing it, though.
Sirius listened without offering up a word to their theories. They hadn't known
that Renny had that sort of fearless fire in her. He tried not to be smug over
the fact that he did know the level of bravery, courage, and stubbornness she
possessed. She was incredible in every sense of the word. Perhaps she wasn't as
loud and in your face about it, much like he and James were, but she was a
ruthless force of nature, power to be reckoned with, and he would forever
admire the ferocity in her that bubbled just beneath the surface, dormant.
Controlled. He lived for those moments in which she lost control, in where he
could look at her and recognize that she felt free. Much like when they were
running through the Forbidden Forest during the Full Moon, or when they were
bent up in laughter over a harmless, successful prank. Or even the incident
earlier--she had been unstoppable.
And so, so beautiful.
Don't be such a berk, you mutt, he berated himself immediately. There was no
way. He wouldn't...no, he couldn't think like that. He had to protect her. He
had to keep himself from getting too close or attached to anyone, especially if
this war was coming. Anyone close to him would be a target, more so than he
himself in an effort to coerce his allegiance. There had been talk of a war for
some time. Since before he'd been singed off the family tree, even. There had
been talk of someone rising to power. Talk of...talk of what role the Black's
would play. If it came down to it, he knew his families dark inclinations were
enough to sway their vote for a side. His refusal would be the ultimate
besmirch and he would undoubtedly pay for it.
Besides, she was with Edgecombe, as unsuitable as he was for her. She didn't,
couldn't, and would never see Sirius as anything more. But...Sirius wondered
briefly if that was because she didn't allow herself to. If she was toying with
Lennox, just for some fun. She'd never had a relationship before, not one that
she let go on for than a cycle or two, anyway. She thought it was too
obvious...and she'd said she could never be in a relationship with someone when
she had to lie to them forever. He'd talked this over with Marlene one night
during the summer while the smoked a spliff on the McKinnon's front porch. She
had refused to tell him at first, at first. But ever the convincing charmer
(with the help of some strong weed), Sirius had managed to get her to admit
that Lennox was intelligent enough to challenge her, sure, but that it was
mostly about how good he was with his mouth, and some other things, too.
Which, naturally, infuriated Sirius to no end, but he hadn't let Marlene see
that, and he wouldn't let any of the others see it either. Not even James.
Renata was, first and foremost, his best mate. Best mate. What he had with her
was different than what he had with James...his real brother. And definitely
different than the friendship he had with Peter. Even the one he shared with
Marlene! Renny was different. He couldn't risk losing her for anything in the
world.
Renata woke with a start as the train stopped. Panic set in her chest at the
all-too familiar lurch and she grappled for her wand, "--'s okay, we're here,"
came Alice's soothing voice. She almost berated herself from reacting so
strongly, though it didn't seem that anyone really blamed her, for which she
was utterly grateful.
"Looks like the Headmaster and Minnie are waiting in the platform," Peter
called from where his face was pressed to the window.
"For the last time, you dolt, you do not have express permission to call her
that. Only I do," Sirius insisted, earning a few laughs and some eye rolls from
among them. It was a good shot at normalcy and Renata appreciated it. Peter
looked downcast, but perked up instantly as Sirius gave him a teasing poke in
the chest, as if to call him out, only to wink and nudge Wormtail down the way,
with chatter about what they might be treated to at the feast. Wormtail looked
elated at the one-on-one attention, and Ren smiled at this. They all cared
about Peter, he was funny without even meaning to be, he was quiet and never
pushed anyone too hard--a good listener, really. And there was just something
so kind and innocent about him that was endearing. Refreshing.
As they queued up to exit the train, James turned to offer his hand to Lily who
accepted it with only a brief look of skepticism before they turned to round up
the first years and lead them to the Lake with Hagrid. Sirius turned and
offered Renata the same helping hand. She accepted it gratefully and was
surprised when he didn't let go as they made the expected walk to Dumbledore
and Professor McGonogall. She fought the urge to pull away, lest Lennox be
around and watching the entire exchange. Her palm felt clammy and Sirius
mistook it for nerves about disclosing the incident to the Headmaster.
"It's alright, Moony, I've got you," he insisted. Surprisingly, she knew this
was true, be it the Headmaster or Lennox. 
"Ah, Renata, Sirius. Might we speak briefly before the Welcoming Feast? I
daresay we'll have an ample amount of time before the First Years make it to
the castle. Our dear friend Hagrid has opted for a more scenic route this year,
in hopes they'll get to catch a glimpse of the Giant Squid," the Headmaster
spoke as wistfully as ever with a smile on his face, though Renata knew a
forced smile when she saw one. The platform all but cleared leaving Renata,
Sirius, Professor McGonogall, and Headmaster Dumbledore. "Admittedly, I must
apologize for not having reinforcements on the train from the start. I ask you
forgive an old man his mistakes," and Renata was truly taken aback to see the
intense remorse and sadness in his eyes. When they both nodded and Renny went
so far as to give the Headmaster a smile, he nodded gratefully, "By the time we
received word by way of the conductor, the train had already been on the move
again. I assure you, the Hogwarts Express will never depart without more
adequate protection from the stations again," there was anger in his voice now,
be it with himself or due to the circumstances, Renata could not decipher, but
she understood. A cowardly move it had been.
Sirius provided an excellent retelling of the events earlier that afternoon
while the Headmaster and McGonogall listened with rapt attention. Renata felt
their eyes on her in concern, but she merely kept them fixed on the path to the
final, thestral drawn carriage ahead. There were obvious signs of worry and
concern on both of their Professors faces, but Renata refused to let that
concern slip through her mind again. She was exhausted, too exhausted to dwell
on it any further for the night. Headmaster Dumbledore was quiet for a time as
Professor McGonogall waved her wand over the pair of them to discern any
possible taints or injuries.
"It is of no secret that a war is coming. Rather, that a war has begun. One-
hundred house points for your bravery tonight. We will take it from here," and
that was the last words spoken in the carriage just before it halted to a stop
outside the castle. She was the last one to leave the carriage, and Sirius saw
the hesitance that wracked her body. She wasn't in pain not the way she should
have been. She was apprehensive, and couldn't imagine sitting among the
excitement, the hustle-bustle, and gossip that she could hear spilling from the
Great Hall as they passed through the Entrance doors.
"Professor, might I escort Renata to the Hospital Wing--"
"Of course, Sirius," Headmaster Dumbledore cut in, before Minerva could answer.
It didn't appear either of them needed medical attention, but Renata saw the
understanding in Dumbledore's eyes as he bid them goodbye, "Perhaps simply
return to your dormitory and the house elves will send a meal for each of you."
For the first time in her life, Renata was grateful for preferential treatment.
She and Sirius did not drop their hold on one another until they were in the
Gryffindor Common Room, where each of them dispersed to change quickly, before
they met again in front of the fire where a lavish meal, too large for each of
them, had spread itself on the common table. They shared a glance and Renata
knew what Sirius was going to say before he said it:
"Why didn't we try this sooner?" 
She laughed in response and sat cross-legged before their personal feast. She
felt ravishing, to a degree--but nauseous all the same. Instead of filling her
plate, she reached for a biscuit and made quick work of desecrating it before
she used her fork to take minute bites. After a lengthy silence in which Sirius
set about eating, his manners far surpassed her own and the way she picked,
bit, and nibbled at a biscuit, Sirius set down his silverware, "How are you
feeling?"
Sirius wasn't one to ask about feelings. Though, Renata had long since learned
that Sirius had a soft spot when it came to time spent one on one. She knew
that Sirius's relationship with James went far beyond that of friends. They
were brothers. Maybe not by blood, but Renata hadn't seen any relationship
stronger than that of which was James and Sirius. The Potter's had essentially
adopted Sirius, but James and he had been family long before that. She still
couldn't wrap her head around the way she seemed to fit among the group but,
somehow, she'd become an irreplaceable member. As had Peter, though she
sometimes wondered if Wormtail's doughy nature had been largely beneficial in
claiming their innocence. Or having a scapegoat that truly played dumb, well,
because they were dumb. Or, at least, far removed from the prank at hand.
"I--honestly, Pads, I don't have any idea how I'm feeling," she was exhausted,
unnerved, confused, starving--
"Sounds like the party tonight will be a brilliant cure," Sirius quipped and
looked over his plate to gauge her reaction. Renata raised a skeptical brow and
sighed with a shake of her head, "Oh, c'mon, it's the first night back. We've
got to have some fun! Not only to forget the shit on the train, but to
celebrate our final year, Moony!"
His enthusiasm bubbled laughter through her lips, and she found a cheerfulness
had settled in her stomach as she reached for a scoop of mashed potatoes. Carbs
had proved themselves the only measurable cure. She stabbed at a forkful while
Sirius smirked over his empty plate and rubbed at the bloating of his stomach.
He stretched his arms behind his head and laid back carelessly on the floor. He
wiggled his toes in her direction and Renata stabbed at them with her fork, "I
hate feet, Black, sod off!" But before she could truly make him regret it, she
was broken up in laughter as Sirius dug his toes gently into her ribs and
elicited an uncontrollable laughter. His tickle-toes were no match for her
exhaustion and she soon found herself laying back against the rug. Their feet
had, somehow, managed to meet one another on the floor and, meal forgotten,
they had engaged in a sort of strength war.
"If I win, you have no choice but to attend our soiree," Sirius chirped,
tensing his thighs in order to overpower her. This was the sort of game
children played, she knew, from the way James and Sirius used to play together
on the couch in first year in an attempt to conquer more space than the other. 
"And if I win?"
"Impossible."
Sure enough, as Sirius counted down from three and managed to push her knees to
her chest, Renata laughed, far too resigned to the idea of a "New-term" party,
as had been the tradition since Sirius realized he could pass as old enough to
purchase the alcohol.
 She groaned and conceded, "I won't be staying late then, class in the morning
and all that--"
"Merlin, you really were out of it, weren't you? Good ol' man Dumbles has
cancelled classes tomorrow in light of what happened. Said so on the carriage
ride up. The Professors have planned something special to appease the first
years during meals tomorrow."
"Or to stop their parents from taking them out of Hogwarts--"
"That too, but they'd be foolish to do so, safer in here than out there,"
Sirius quipped and left Renata to chew swallow thickly in agreement around her
mash wondering what, exactly, those parents would say if they knew their kids
were also running around with a werewolf.
Dinner soon switched over to dessert, and Renata realized with a sinking in her
stomach, that the Common Room was going to be filled with the chatter and
excitement of the First Night Back. She really couldn't fathom faking a smile
in the corner of the room, dodging questions about her hols and whatever had
possessed her to react as she had on the train.
"C'mon, bring the chocolate biscuits," Sirius said and stood. He vaulted
himself unnecessarily so over the back of the sofa and managed to transform in
midair with the reflexes of a dog as large as he was. They took the stairs to
the boys dormitory and dropped unceremoniously on Sirius's four poster, Padfoot
had curled up right by her head and given her face a wet, playful lick. She
shoved him off the bed in jest and, naturally, took precedence over all the
pillows. As she got herself comfortable, Sirius had situated himself with his
neck and shoulders bent at the headboard, plate of biscuits resting on his
chest. She couldn't imagine it was comfortable, but he seemed to have no
problems with it.
"It's all really happening, isn't it?" She asked at long last, breaking the
comfortable silence that had fallen between them. She reached to swipe the half
eaten biscuit from his hand and popped it in her mouth instead,
uncharacteristically cheeky but, it was always this way between them. Something
about Sirius and his unapologetic brashness was infectious, and she found more
confidence in herself through him. "The war, I mean. It's finally started." He
hesitated before he answered and she realized that this was because he knew
something. Something important...or terrifying. Perhaps both. He flicked his
wand effortlessly and the tray disappeared, "Padfoot, what is it?"
Sirius sighed and turned to look on her, shifting his weight so he was in his
side as well. Renata didn't know what it was suddenly today about him, but this
sort of closeness felt...different. She was torn between moving away and taking
Pete's bed or shifting closer. The thought was unsettling...and the warmth in
her chest was creeping outwards to the rest of her. 
Don't be a daft harlot, she berated herself. Sirius was like a brother of
sorts. Not quite like Peter and James but--or...he should have been like them.
Really, Ren, you've got Lenny. And Black has every other girl in the school.
He ran a hand over his face and through his hair, combing carefully over his
dark tresses, leaving her to wait for him to finally pluck up the answer she
was searching for, the one she knew he had and hadn't told her. Not in a
letter, nor even after everything that had happened tonight, "Mr. and Mrs.
Potter were talking about the war over the summer...James and I were sneaking
in after a night out and overheard them in the sitting room," Sirius sighed,
"it's bad, Renny. People are disappearing and being murdered. The...their side
is growing. Those men on the train, they call themselves Death Eaters, and
I...remember my father saying something about this Dark Lord when I was
younger. He and his followers then, they called themselves the Knights of
Walpurgis," Sirius shuddered, and it was the first time Renata could remember
him looking so unsettled before (save for fifth year, and the incident that
they'd vowed never to mention again). 
"The...Knights of Walpurgis? But--" Renata mulled the information over in her
head, "I suppose they came up with a new name now that they're getting more of
a following--why hasn't this been in the Prophet? More widely spread?"
"Mr. Potter said the Ministry is trying to keep a wraps on this, especially
since they're targeting more prominent families now. Blood traitors and those
who have refused to join a side."
"So they've gotten tired exercising their power over muggles and the muggle
born too unfamiliar with the Wizarding World to properly defend themselves,"
Renata summarized, a look of sheer disgust on her taste. The left over hint of
chocolate in her mouth seemed rotten all of a sudden and she felt her stomach
turn, "I trust the Headmaster completely. With my life. I--I owe him
everything...but if he thinks I'll just sit back and not try and do anything
about it now, he's sorely mistaken," and she'd never speak against the
Headmaster, nor think him to be mistaken about anything, but she was of age. If
she was presented with a choice, she would fight back. She'd fight for what was
right.
"Brilliant, the Marauders to save the Wizarding World. I like the sound of that
headline already," it sounded like a joke, but she could hear the agreement in
his tone. She felt immensely relieved and worried over it. Sirius
was...reckless. He was the sort to dance on the front lines and cast a jelly-
legs jinx in battle for laughs. He was the sort to always be center stage,
abandoning all sense of preservation and entitlement. A fierce dueler, far more
skill than any 17 year old had a right to have. But he did. 
They'd laid, facing one another in silence for a while, contemplating
everything that had just passed between them. Her eyes started to close more
than once and each time she realized she fought to keep them open until he
chuckled lightly and put a hand over her face, "Keep them closed, Moony. I'll
wake you when it's time to go," he promised, though he knew she wished he
wouldn't. He swiftly moved off the bed, undetected as he drew the hangings of
his four poster and cast a silencing charm as the others came loudly up the
stairs.
Rowdy, no doubt, with the prospect of a long, rule-breaking, alcohol filled
night before them. He toyed briefly with the prospect of feigning illness so
they could stay in together but knew it would be nice for all of them to
forget, just for a little while.
Chapter End Notes
     And how was that? A fairly decent ending after a terrible amount of
     angst. Obvious drunken Room of Requirement party to come. I can't
     decide if Lennox should be there as well in order to insight more
     drama? Let me know what you think, what you'd like to see, or if you
     think I should just scrap this entirely.
     xoxox
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Notes
     Usual disclaimers apply! Underage drinking and relationship violence
     in this chapter in case anyone doesn't want to read that.
     I struggled a little to write this chapter ya'll--and it will
     probably show. It's long as hell, I hope that makes up for it!
"Pepper-up, pup," Sirius teased and held a small vial of minty-green liquid out
in front of her just after he'd unceremoniously shoved her out of bed to rouse
her from her sleep. Renata reached for it begrudgingly, though she was grateful
for it all the same, "Oh, it's a pajama themed party, by the way. You don't
even require a change," Sirius added with a smirk. She was struck suddenly by
the thought that he had suggested that for her benefit. Comfortable clothes and
close friends--this was a party that she could get behind, "Although, you might
want to fix that hair of yours, quite unbecoming--" Renata gasped and reached
up to feel the state of her hair, which was barely mussed as it was. As Sirius
ran for the door to head back to the Common Room, she launched a pillow and
laughed as it caught the back of his head.
She cast a refreshment charm over herself, rid her eyes of the "I-just-rolled-
out-of-bed" look and took a deep breath before she made her way down to the
Common Room. Before she had even hit the second to last step, the room erupted
with cheers and applause. Someone who vaguely sounded like Frank Longbottom was
chanting her name which the rest of them chorused. Cheeks flushed, she ducked
her head and tried to make her way to the outskirts of the room, only to be
sidetracked by her friends--something she was quite thankful for as it meant
she could hide among them as a shield of sorts.
Mary Macdonald, a sixth year and the best beater the Gryffindor had seen since
the Prewett twins, wrapped her arms around Renata and kissed either of her
cheeks in an uncharacteristically affectionate way. Usually, Mary was quite
gruff. Kind but not warmly so. This gesture was entirely unexpected, but Renata
laughed and returned it anyway. Following that, Alice threw her arms around
Renata's neck and the whiff of alcohol she got was enough for her to know that
most of them had already started drinking. No wonder it was so loud. No wonder
everyone was so...rambunctious.
Renata knew what would become of this night: someone would end up crying, a
pair of people would end up fighting, someone would end up getting sick, and
another pair would end up snogging--it had happened at the last few parties
she'd been apart of. And, typically, Renata was the one to nurse a single drink
and keep an eye on the rest of them. Same as Lily. They had been dubbed the
"mother-hen's of Gryffindor house". Only tonight, Renata felt more inclined to
let someone else take that responsibility from her tonight.
Tonight, she felt like getting just as sloshed as the rest of them and, she
decided to prove her point as Sirius crossed the room to join their group by
snatching the glass of Firewhisky out of his hand and downing it in one gulp.
He said nothing and merely raised an eyebrow before casting a charm to send him
another full glass from across the room, "I guess Moony is coming out to play
tonight?"
"You don't have to guess. I am," Renata quipped cheekily and looped an arm
around Marlene's shoulders, who had just nudged her way into their circle,
"Who's coming tonight?" She wondered curiously. It would be...remiss of her not
to check--depending on who was there, she would have to present herself
differently. Everything she did was controlled. To be uncontrolled tonight
would be an out of body experience, she had to be among people she trusted.
Marlene giggled and flicked Renata tenderly on the nose, "The guest list
was quite selective. No Slytherins. Seventh years only, lest we like a few
sixth years--" she jutted her chin towards Mary, "Amos is coming and swore he'd
bring Davy Gudgeon--that mother fucker is a trip and a half, quite good for a
party!" Marlene insisted and, Renata remembered briefly when she'd heard the
news about Davy. Davy who had attempted to approach the Whomping Willow and
lost sight in his left eye. She'd felt bad until the bastard had tried again a
month later and nearly lost his right one, too. "Dorcas will be coming with
Amos and Davy while Emmeline is coming with Chang, Dom, and whoever they decide
to bring," Renata resisted to roll her eyes at this. Clearly the alcohol had
inspired Marlene's loose tongue--obviously, if Chang and Dom were going, Lenny
would be, too.
"Oi! It's time, you lot!" Peter called out from the window, grinning at the
sight of James's "coast is clear" sparks, "He's cleared the way for us--all at
once then!" And at that, Peter stepped out and held the portrait door for the
rest of them, the other boys and Mary grabbed the boxes of liquor they were to
bring with them, and Renata followed along with a fresh drink in hand and a
smile playing on her lips.
Sirius, ever the spell-caster, had charmed the box to levitate in front of him
as he walked, "You look happy," he commented quietly and quite unusually. Ren
knew Sirius was observant, but he typically left the commentary to someone
else. She gave a glance over her should and wasn't at all surprised that they
were alone.
"Yeah," she agreed, "This is really nice, I honestly can't remember the last
time I--"
"Let go?" Sirius chimed in helpfully and Renata nodded, "It's nice to see you
like this," Sirius admitted and gave her side a gentle prod with his elbow.
Renata snorted and rolled her eyes, "What?" Sirius wondered idly and gave her a
look of earnest incredulity, one she could have honestly said she had never
seen before.
"You only like me like this because it means I won't interfere with
whatever ridiculous plan you come up with tonight--in fact I might even go
along with it," she teased as they came to a stretch of blank castle wall that
quickly changed into the party room they'd been visiting for the past few
years. Before she could even procure herself a drink, Marlene was ushering her
off to the plush loveseat in the middle of the room with a bottle for the pair
of them, "No glasses? What have we become--" she started in, feigning shock and
outrage before Marlene pressed the rim of the bottle to her lips and held her
nose, giving her no choice but to drink...and she thoroughly enjoyed it. 
The pair of them were a giggling mess when Sirius approached them and perched
himself on the arm of the couch nearest her, "The other's have just gotten
here, Gudgeon was begging for a game of Truth or Dare--says he nicked an
eyedropper full of Veritaserum over the summer while he was in Mungo's for--
well, something or other," Sirius waved his hand as if the logistics of it
didn't matter, "Might make truth a bit more fun than we're used to," he wiggled
his eyebrows at Marlene who stood and gave him a hard shove. He would've lost
his balance if it wasn't for the fact that he grappled for thing nearest him,
which just so happened to be Renata's shoulder. She reacted instinctively and
reached with her bottle-free hand to grab his other arm with unsung strength.
Quiet, lean muscles rippled under her skin, dormant up until the days just
before the moon and lingering only just after.
"Careful there, Padfoot, some might think you're too drunk--"
"Oh, piss off, Moony--you seem a bit unsteady yourself!" He taunted back and,
before she knew what was happening, before she could even leap away from
Sirius's revenge, he was gripping either of her arms and pulling her over the
side of the loveseat with him into a pile of pillows that had suddenly appeared
on the floor beneath them. 
Renata let out a groan of dis-appreciation and gave Sirius a smart pinch,
causing him to pull away with a sharp, mocking gasp, "You're a fucking knob,
Black, I swear it by all the Gods--"
"Oh, Prongs! Thank Circe you're here! Moony's cussing at me because she so
cruelly tackled me to the floor--" Sirius whinged, earning himself another
pinch and a slew off good-natured insults from under her breath. Before she
could even situate herself properly, Marlene was shoving her around in order to
make room for her and Alice. Slowly, but surely, the rest of them took a seat
on the cushions placed in a neat, foreboding circle. Renata looked up just as
Lennox sat across from her with a tight smile on his lips. She returned it
brightly, if only to ease the tension in his shoulders that came from a clear
lack of liquor and proclivity towards fun. Ren gratefully (and perhaps stupidly
so) accepted the bottle she'd lost to Sirius as a peace offering and put it to
her lips.
"What's the game then, Marlene--" Amos Diggory asked, uncapping a bottle of
fancy ale, no doubt supplied by Lennox who had a more eclectic palette than the
rest of the plebeians in the room.
Merlin, I think whiskey makes me bitter, the thought was brief and fleeting,
but she made it a point to remind herself to take much smaller sips when a
bottle came around again.
"The game is Truth or Dare--very classic, I know, but we've decided to up the
stakes a bit. Davy, if you would--"
She hardly had to introduce him before he pulled the eyedropper in a vial from
his robes and held it up proudly, "Veritaserum! Just a drop or two. When it's
your turn, decide whether or not you want Truth or Dare. If you pick Truth, you
drink. This way, truth will never be a cop-out, in fact, it may be the far more
dangerous choice," it was clear the Hufflepuff was going for dramatic--and the
notion that they would all be subject to spilling their secrets was dangerous
enough, but with the comical eye patch he sported in place of a proper
replacement--nothing Davy Gudgeon said could or would ever be taken all that
seriously.
And perhaps it was the whiskey, mayhaps it was the patch--but they all agreed,
and Davy dropped two drops of the potion into the bottle and gave it a swirl
for good measure.
"It's illegal, you know, to use Verit--"
"You could always opt not to drink and take a dare, Lils," Alice pointed out,
"That way you don't break any laws."
"We all know the gist of this by now," Peter started with a sigh, "What happens
in the Room--"
"Stays in the room!" Padfoot and Prongs chorused, jostling one another with
their elbows eagerly.
Renata weighed her options. She could pick dare every turn and avoid the
terrible possibility of spilling her secrets, considering she had a very, very
large, furry one. Or, she could...let her guard down, within reason. The
Marauders wouldn't deign to ask her anything too serious, not if it could
possible expose her. Lenny wouldn't push for anything too scandalous either,
and she highly doubted Lily, Mary, Alice or Dorcas--
Marlene, bless her heart, didn't know, at least not explicitly so that she
turned at every Full to a blood-thirsty beast...but if she thought she was
being silly  and begged for a dark secret...or, if Davy mentioned the Whomping
Willow and why she hated it so desperately...no. There was far too much
thinking going into this. She would base her decision off of who was asking her
the question or demanding she do something. Oh, but Merlin, the Marauders might
take advantage of the fact that--
Sod it, sod it all.
"Who first, then?" She blurted, ready to get started before she talked herself
out of the party and left it all together.
"Me," Lennox volunteered, quite out of character, Renny thought, but was
pleasantly surprised all the same.
"Then I'll ask--" Sirius started snidely before Lily cut him off.
"The youngest in the room will ask the first question, Mary, that's you, isn't
it?"
After a very brief chattering about birthdays it was concluded that Mary was,
in fact, the Youngest. Renata wondered idly why they bothered questioning Lily,
anymore. 
"Truth," Lenny picked. Normally, Renny would have thought that a safe choice,
the appropriate choice for him...but after the train--her heart sank in
concern, and she avoided looking him in the eye as he took a sip from the
bottle. Mary seemed to mull her question over for a bit before she finally
decided to ask it, almost as if she couldn't decide if it was too soon to dive
in--
"What did you think on the train, when Ren went to save that boy?"
It could have been worse, she supposed, but still distracted herself with
pulling an invisible piece of lint off of her sleeve, followed by another...and
another--"I thought she was an idiot, brave and all, but reckless--I thought I
was going to lose her and I felt helpless to stop it because I was terrified,
myself. Frozen in place." The sheer bluntness of his words was enough to catch
her off guard. She didn't even think she was annoyed about it, though Marlene
and Sirius shared a look beside her, Renata watched Lenny closely. He seemed
horrified that he'd spoken like that, but also seemed unable to stop himself,
"I was scared I was going to lose you and that I'd have to live with the fact
that I just stood by and watched."
She smiled softly at him at that and as the attention shifted when he passed
the bottle to Emmeline, she gave him a wink to ensure that she wasn't mad, not
in the least. It had been an idiotic, reckless thing to do--but he didn't know
why she'd done it. The sentiment was warm and brutally honest, she knew. She
wished she was sitting next to him. Perhaps they really could have a good time
together tonight, with everyone. She hardly noticed as Emmeline picked dare,
but vaguely heard Gudgeon telling her to give Dorcas a kiss. Ever-wise, she
laid a sloppy one on the other girls cheek, and grinned smugly at having
escaped her first round.
Each turn, they seemed to be growing more comfortable with one another, to the
point where Marlene admitted begrudgingly that she would love to have a
passionate snog with Sirius (who begged whoever had him to dare him to snog her
senseless next time around) just to see what all the hype was about.
"It's getting a bit dangerous now, you see," Chang pointed out wisely, "If
you've already drank from the bottle and pick dare...you could very well be
compelled to make a choice, an honest one," he added with the same, brilliant
smugness that seemed to seep from the Ravenclaws in the room. Renata understood
what he meant and, as she was passed the bottle she drank for truth without a
second thought, refusing to be trapped into something terribly scandalous so
early on in the night.
"What's your re-collection of what happened on the train?" Domnall blurted,
clearing having been waiting for his chance.
She knew what he meant, what he was referring to...but then, another, more
dominant part of her wasn't so sure, and she found herself speaking without
thought, the words had a mind of their own, "Which part?"
The circle erupted silently with confused looks and raised eyebrows--and a few
scowling faces. She tried to take it back, to retract, because in her mind she
knew there had been two parts to the ride. Her argument with Lennox and her
confrontation with Greyback. But most of them sitting in the circle didn't know
that, and now she was concerned she'd made herself her own target, "Er--"Don
started, and his eyes flickered briefly to Lennox who was glaring daggers into
his half empty bottle of ale.
"The part where you faced a fully grown werewolf, obviously!" Peter
interjected, saving all of them from discomfort and her from spilling the other
truth she was trying very hard to forget.
Renata gave him what she was sure was a grateful look, "All I saw was that
little boy--I couldn't let him hurt him, there was no way. Greyback is a
monster, I'd never forgive myself if I let that poor boy become one of u--"
"How admirable, Moony, now pass me the bottle, I want a go!" Sirius demanded,
cutting her off before she could expose herself through a Veritaserum imbibed
rant about werewolves. She threw him a thankful look as well and was relieved
to see that everyone seemed far more eager to to give him his dare--as Sirius
Black never picked Truth.
It just so turned out that Lennox was meant to be asking the questions, "I dare
you to snog the person you would most like to."
"It'd take me ages to find Minnie--" Sirius groaned teasingly, though he seemed
to be restraining himself a bit.
"In the room," Lenny added with a brief roll of his eyes. Mary giggled and
looked through her eyelashes expectantly. James and Sirius briefly made eye
contact and Renata was confused to see the pair of them looked worried.
 "Well, you asked for it Edgecombe--" he muttered to himself and turned to
Renata who was already staring at him curiously, wondering if he might go for
Marlene, or perhaps Mary, considering they'd always had such a brilliant
connection on the quidditch pitch--
Lips were on hers within the next few seconds, cutting off her thoughts and
catching her entirely off guard. The room collectively gasped, not that she
heard them, as her eyes were wide open and staring in shock at Sirius Black.
After a moment, however brief it was, he pulled away with a flush to his cheeks
and rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck.
"I--what?" She blurted in response as her cheeks flared and her entire body
felt like it was buzzing.
"I knew it, you fucking bitch!" Lennox's voice was loud, but she heard it as if
it were far away as her attention was still on Sirius. As Lenny shoved himself
to his feet and swiftly left he room, Renny snapped to attention and looked at
the rest of them, who seemed as shocked as she--aside from James
and...surprisingly Lily. 
"I really couldn't help myself," Sirius admitted, and though he was smiling,
Ren could see something that looked like fear...(perhaps regret?) in his eyes. 
Renata pushed herself to her feet, "I should...go after him?" She hated how
unsure she sounded, how her body was almost sitting itself back down as she
realized she would much rather stay.
"No, you shouldn't!" Marlene chimed in, with the agreement of Alice and Dorcas,
"He's in a rotten mood and he'll just take it out in you, stay and have fun
with us!" 
"I agree," Peter added gently," He...he called you a bitch, Moony, that's
messed up, he'll be in no mood to talk tonight."
"But I--I kissed Sirius! Right in front of him," she protested in earnest her
palm against her forehead in both guilt and disbelief.
"If I remember correctly, Black kissed you," Chang pointed out.
"Though, you didn't exactly stop it," Domnall quipped, thoroughly seeming to
enjoy the scene in front of him as he sipped idly on his beer looking
annoyingly amused. 
She swatted Sirius in the arm with the back of her hand, "Why did you do that?"
"I wanted to," He admitted, looking entirely too much likens would prefer his
lips to be nailed shut. 
"Well, Black, sometimes we can't always have we want," she snapped
uncharacteristically of her, and turned her back on the others to leave the
room and find Lenny, however strongly her feet seemed to be trying to stop
her. 
He'd so hurt, so angry when he'd left. And what had he meant by what he'd said?
'I knew it'...? Knew what? She'd never, she and Sirius had never--they were
best friends! That was it! Wasn't it? Renata ran her hands through her hair,
painfully aware of the fact that her lips were still tingling. Merlin, why had
Lennox provoked the situation, had he been looking for a reason to be upset
with her? And how could he be upset with her? He'd been the one "expecting it"!
And Sirius had been the one who had kissed her...and left her lips tingling as
if she might've liked it.
Fucksake, I didn't--well, I did, but he's an idiot! 
As she rounded the corner and towards the nearest staircase, she was caught off
guard by a sharp yank into the nearest alcove with a soft yelp. 
"Len--I was just coming after you! Why would you have dared him to do something
like that? And how could you--"
"So, this is my fault? You think I haven't noticed the way you two are always
hanging all over one another? Get over yourself, Lupin, you were acting like a
slag--and then you let him snog you!"
"How dare you! You told him to do it, how was I supposed to know he'd song me?
This is your fault, and his! But it's certainly not mine," she continued, only
to be quieted by Lennox's hand over her mouth and her back sharply pressed
against the stone castle walls. He had her pinned with one hand over his mouth,
his other holding her upper arm, and his leg between both of hers to cease her
struggling.
"You wanted it, you enjoyed it!" He hissed at her, his lips snarling in a
frighteningly familiar way. She turned her head to escape the clammyness of his
hand, "Didn't you?" Ren realized what he was doing, he was taking advantage of
the game, still--it had been such a stupid, reckless idea, how had she not
realized it sooner? Had the alcohol clouded her judgement that severely? She
had been stupid to think she could trust her secrets among a room of her peers.
Ren felt tears spring to her eyes and tried to look away from him but he
grabbed her jaw sharply and forced her to look at him as she said it:
"Yes--" it was barely a whisper, but he was close enough to hear it, his
fingers tight enough to bruise her, the palm of his hand sharp and biting as it
cut against her cheek and snapped her head sharply to the side, leaving a
vicious red welt behind in its wake. She had t even known that she had enjoyed
it until she had been forced to answer.
"I can't believe you, you're fucking disgusting, you deserved that," he pointed
out with a hiss, his lips hot and wet against her ear, reminding her entirely
too much of Fenrir, which caused her to struggle, "Stop," he warned her,
"You're going to take this--" but she didn't stop and as she tried to push
herself forward, her head collided with his nose and left him reeling away in
pain.
"I-I didn't mean to!" And she really hadn't, but if he'd asked she wouldn't
have said she regretted it either, "Lenny, please, we're both drunk. We can
talk in the morning when you're calm--" she tried softly, but it was entirely
too late for softness.
This she realized as she tried to step around him and put distance between
them, his hand shot out and tangled itself in her hair and yanked her back
towards him before he shoved her sharply again against the wall. The back of
her head and her shoulder blades received the brunt of his force and the
stone's naturally unforgiving nature. "I hope it hurts, I hope ever time it
aches you remember what you did," he spat at her before storming away in the
direction she had been heading to find him. 
She cradled her cheek in her hands, the heat of his slap was still their and,
she was surprised to feel that her lip had split just down the center.
How had this happened? He'd never--she'd never been afraid of him like this
before! This wasn't their relationship, it had been kinder and sweeter than
this. Full of intelligent debate and conversation, hand-holding and snuggling
and the way he'd touched her before had always been gentle or gave her
pleasure.
And now? Now his words and his touches has reduced her to tears and bruises.
How had she let this happen? From the moment he'd pushed her on the train she
should have told him to sod off--gods, how could she have been so stupid?
She was furious with herself, so furious she nearly missed the voices sounding
down the hall. 
"--the Map. We'll take the cloak too and make sure--"
"--really didn't mean to put her in that position, James, why would he--"
"I don't know, Pads, he's a wanker, that's why, Merlin, I hope she's alright.
If anything, maybe she'll see him for who he is now."
Renny panicked, if she didn't move quickly they'd stumble across her and find
her well, like this. And if she wanted to beat them back to the Common Room and
into her four poster where she could hide herself...she took off at a run,
sipped behind secret passageway guarding tapestrys and statues, took the stairs
two at a time and leapt over trick steps, when she reached the Fat Lady she
blurted the password before the portrait had a chance to grumble about being
woken at such an hour. 
She was panting when she reached her bed from both exertion and adrenaline.
Absolute fear has taken her when she'd thought of the prospect that they might
see what she'd allowed Lennox to do to her. As she laid back against her pillow
she winced, even the pressure of it against where she'd hit her head was
painful. If she hadn't forgotten her wand in the Room of Requirement, she
might've patched herself up. For now she had to settle with her usual stash of
bruise balm for the soreness in her chin and on her cheek. If she were lucky,
they would barely be visible tomorrow--and so long as one of the girls had
brought her wand back for her, no one would be the wiser.
And tomorrow she'd break things off with Lennox, tomorrow she'd pull him aside
at breakfast and end their relationship. That was certain.
She sighed in relief before she remembered that Sirius, her best mate, had
wanted to kiss her. Had, under the influence of Veritaserum, kissed her in a
room full of plenty of other alternatives. He'd picked her. Surely, it didn't
mean anything. Perhaps he had wanted to kiss her, if only to cause her
discomfort or...to tick Lenny off? Maybe he really just wanted to do it as a
prank of sorts. She'd hardly put it past him. She supposed it would be a valid
way around the potion--but the answer left her with an unsettled feeling in the
pit of her stomach as she tried to forced herself to believe that was the
truth.
She drew her hangings and fell into a fitful sleep.
Her dreams were vivid. There was always the Full and then there was Lennox,
howling and cackling at her. She always went after him but as soon as her jaws
locked around his throat he became Sirius. Or her mother. Or her father. Lily.
James, Peter, Marlene--the dream was repetitive. There was no way out.
 
 
 
When she woke, she knew it was much later than she was used to. Usually, she
was up around six and was able to make herself a cuppa, so some light reading
and get ready for her day. Today, however, she could feel the tired ache in her
limbs, the heaviness that came with too much sleep. She considered closing her
eyes again and drifting off but instead kicked her legs over the side of her
bed and forced herself up.
A quick survey told her that Lily was the only other person awake--Marlene had
mascara smudged under her eyes and Alice was muttering something soft in her
sleep. She grabbed her shower caddy and made quickly for the bathrooms,
relieved she didn't have to face any of them just yet. A shower would refresh
her, help her think more clearly. As she opened the door to the showers, it was
already opening and nearly clipped her. 
"Oh! Ren, sorry I--what happened to you?" Lily blurted, her face shifting from
surprise to concern, followed by anger, "He didn't--"
"No, I--Lily, please. Don't, I--" she couldn't find the words, "I fell getting
into bed, clumsy really, from the liquor--"
"That's the same thing Petunia said the summer she dated that wretched boy!"
Lily's indignance sparked her own anger and she had to take a step back to calm
herself, "You've got to drop him, Renny, please--he's not kind, he's hurt you.
Marlene told me how you were on the train and that's twice in the same day!"
"I know, Lily, really, I do. I'm going to see him today at breakfast and end it
but--" she took a deep breath, "I know I don't have a right to ask this of you
but please, please don't tell anyone--last thing that needs to happen is an all
out war against Lennox Edgecombe," and they shared a meaningful look, both of
them knew how the boys would respond and it wasnt something she wanted to
experience oncesoever, it wasn't something she'd wish on anyone. Even Lenny.
Lily seemed to mull it over for a bit before she nodded, though she looked like
she regretted it, and stepped past her to head back to their dormitory. Renata
could practically hear Lily's wheels turning in her head. 
After she showered, she looked in the mirror, the bruising was obvious. Not
nearly as striking as it would have been, but her chin was lined with finger-
tip shaped dark circles and a faded tinge of purple-yellow lined her cheek
bone. It might've been overlooked or unnoticed had her friends not already been
concerned about her or full with their doubts about Lennox. A thin red line
split her lip, but that would have been nothing and could have passed as a
result of a nervous tick if the rest of her face didn't look as it did. 
She was grateful upon entering the common room, for it was empty. She wasn't
hungry in the least, but made her way out the portrait hole so she could get
the the Great Hall anyway.
Even though she was searching for Lennox, when he pushed himself off the
nearest wall in front of her she froze like a Diricrawl in danger. However, the
difference between Renata and a Diricrawl was markedly large--she lacked the
ability to disappear and reappear elsewhere when threatened. 
"Ren, hi. I just, I wanted--" he started to step towards her and she took a
step back.
"Don't you move another inch," she snapped, her heart pounding furiously in her
chest. "We're done, Lennox, our relationship, its over," the quiet shake in her
voice betrayed her fear and he latched onto it like a leech. He was upon her
then, had her backed against the nearest railing with his arms placed
possessively on the bannister that lined each side of her, "I won't change my
mind--"
"Yes you will. You will. We aren't over, not until I say we are," he told her
firmly, his lips twisted into a sick, snarling smile, "It didn't have to be
like this, you know. But your practically rabid without someone to keep you in
line. You need me."
"I don't know where you get off, Edgecombe, but I told you--" she made to stand
up straighter, and lifted her arms to push him away but he was quicker and had
both her wrists held tight in her hands, "Please, Len--just, let it go, let go-
-" she pleaded and demanded of him all at once, "You hit me and you pushed me
and--"
"Shut. Up." He muttered lowly in her ear;  his next words were cold, cruel, and
heavy in her heart: "I know your secret."
Her heart sank. There was no way--he couldn't, he--she struggled in his grasp,
desperate to get away from him, to leave this behind her, to pretend he hadn't
just said what she thought he had. Renata shoved hard at him with her forearms
and caught him off guard enough to pull away, "You're a liar--and you assaulted
another student, Flitwick and Dumbledore will have you suspended."
Lennox laughed mirthlessly and shook his head. He laughed until he had to bury
his face in his hands. She should have taken off then but his reaction left her
feeling jarred, "Len, what--"
The first slap caught her off guard and she stumbled, the second had her
reeling away from the force of it, "Say another word against me, threaten me
again and I'll tell the entire school that old bat let a werewolf loose among
us. Think I'll be the one expelled once parents and the board find out about
you?" He laughed again, "We're good together. You just need to be tamed--the
wolf side of you, that's what causes problems between us, surely you realize
that?" He didn't give her a chance to answer--not that she could have anyway,
with tears in her eyes and absolute shock renting space in her soul.
He knew. He knew.
How long? "How did you--how long have you--?" She couldn't even finish her
thoughts, she felt incoherent, her voice a terrified whimper. If she could have
joined the portraits behind her, perpetually battling one another, she would
have. Live in a war scene for rest of her life in order to escape this?
Undoubtedly a better option.
Lennox snorted, "Oh, come on, you've been disappearing once a month since first
year. The scars you've got aren't from any 'childhood accident'. I'm the
smartest in our year--of course I figured it out," hardly the smartest, Renny
thought bitterly to herself. She had the highest marks in their year. 
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"Why didn't you?"
"I couldn't! I--you can't, I'll lose everything, Len--" the panic was still
there, she was on the verge of hysteria. How could this have happened...if
Dumbledore thought this was at risk of getting out he would no doubt have to
expel her or sacrifice Hogwarts's image. After everything the Headmaster had
done for her and her family, howncould she repay him this way? She had to keep
her secret. She couldn't let Lennox tell.
"Pull it together, Ren, we're going to breakfast and I think you'll sit with me
today." Numbly, deafly, blindly--she allowed herself to be led by the hand.
There was no way out of this, if she--he would tell everyone. The entire school
would know, her life would be over. She'd have nothing. All she'd worked for,
O's across the board and...friends... how hard her parents had worked to give
her as normal a life as was possible for a girl who turned into a monster once
a month.  Renata bit back a sob and dug her heels in the ground before they
entered. Lennox turned to her with a threatening look.
"M-my face, they'll see--" 
"If you weren't so clumsy racing through the corridor last night to find me and
apologize, maybe you wouldn't have tripped and fallen flat on your face, no?"
She didn't even have time for a retort, as he led her in and straight to the
Ravenclaw table. She refused to look at the Gryffindor table in case her
friends were there--they couldn't see her like this. And, Lily certainly
couldn't see her with him either, "What if we took breakfast outside?" She
tried weakly.
"And miss the gawking Gryffindors? Not likely," Lennox reached for a piece of
buttered toast and looked far too please with himself as he smeared jam over
it. "You should eat something, you're looking too skinny."
She sighed and shook her head, "Just some tea for me, I'm not hungry," but as
his grip tightened around her thigh under the table, she jumped to attention
and reached for a piece of toast and a serving of eggs. Each bite made her feel
as if she was going to see it make a second appearance all over the table. She
smiled obediently as Edgar, Han, and Domnall joined them. She ignored the look
they gave one another after catching the state of her face and focused on
keeping each meager bite in her stomach while it crawled viciously back up her
throat.
When Lennox finished eating he took her hand and pulled her up with him. They
left the hall together and he pulled her into an empty classroom, "I've got
work to do today, important research. I expect you to stay in your dormitory
until I can get you for lunch. Maybe we can take a walk later, yeah? I think we
have a lot to discuss."
Renata nodded and refused to meet his eyes.
Lennox sighed, "You could at least act like you like me."
Anger flared in her chest and she finally did look him in the eye, "You're
blackmailing me, you--"
"It's for your own good, you need to be trained, there's a wild streak in you I
simply can't be caught with. It's no wonder you hang out with Black and Potter,
McKinnon's a slag herself--"
"Don't you dare say a word against them!" She snapped before she could control
herself. She expected the hit when it came but it didn't make it hurt any less.
"In one day, how could things have changed so much, Lennox? I don't
understand," she whispered, cradling her face in her hand with tears in her
eyes as she kept her shoulder to him.
Lennox stepped forward and pressed a tender kiss to the bruise on her other
cheek, "I got tired of you shutting me out and letting Black in. You're my
girlfriend. Mine. Not his. I want to make sure you understand that," Renata
shied away from him as he lifted a hand she closed her eyes and jumped at his
general touch, the back of his fingers raked gently along her cheekbone, "It
won't always be like this, you'll learn."
He left her there and her heart raced--what could she possibly do now?
She could turn to Dumbledore, she could tell him everything. But, Merlin, after
everything he'd done for her...how could she bother him with this? All she had
to do was play the good girlfriend until Lennox got sick of her. If
she...behaved, as he put it, things wouldn't be so bad, would they?
Fuck, she was kidding herself. The way he had spewed what she was, the
sickening pleasure he got from making her feel so small. It was like she was a
lab-experiment to him. And what had he meant about 'important research'. As she
left the classroom, her head glued to the floor and her foots propelling her
forward, faster than necessary, she decided to stop at the library. 
Madam Pince had always liked her. She was studious and quiet and was able to
keep the other Marauders evenly tempered while they were in the library. She
enjoyed discussing books with the pinch-faced librarian, who was really rather
quite pretty when she wasn't shushing you. She was even want to give Renata
access to the Restricted Section, as Ren had never abused that power. The
Restricted Section was exactly what she needed. Her mind was a whirring wheel
of thought, and this plan seemed like the only plausible option.
As she started into the library, she spotted him, Lennox, speaking with Madam
Pince. Before either of them could notice her she ducked behind the nearest
shelf in order to catch her breath and waited till Lenny had disappeared before
she made her escape. No, she couldn't do this now. She was too panicked, not to
mention terrified. She would have to bide her time wisely so as not to look
suspicious. Or, perhaps, she could simply borrow the cloak and sneak in after
hours... Yes! It was brilliant. She knew where the key was kept, after all.
And, ever the library afficionado, she could see the shelf in the Restricted
Section where the Memory Modification charms were housed.
She took the stairs two at a time back to the Gryffindor Common Room and ran up
the stairs towards the boys Dormitory before anyone in the Common Room could
stop her. She rummaged through James's trunk, grateful the room was empty. When
she couldn't find the cloak there, she turned to look under James's bed,
followed by Sirius's and Peter's. She was a frantic mess when the door opened
behind her, frantic enough that she hadn't even heard it as she continued to
tear the room apart.
"Where is it?" She mused aloud, her voice strained with panic.
"Where's what?" 
She whipped around with a hand pressed to her chest. It was only Sirius. She
dropped against Peter's bed and buried her face in her hands, more to hide her
tears than the evidence, "I need the cloak, Pads, I need to--the Restricted
Section, I need to get in. Now. Today."
He didn't say anything as he crossed the room and pulled the shimmer folds from
behind James's pillow. He draped the cloak over her shoulders and knelt in
front of her, entirely too used to the way the invisibility worker. "What in
the fuck is going on, Moony? You're freaking me out."
She looked up at him then and he nearly fell backwards in shock at the sight of
her, "He knows, Sirius, he knows what I am."
"What? How!"
"I guess I wasn't as great at hiding it as I thought. I mean, you lot had it
figured out after a year. How could I have been so stupid?" She buried her face
in her hands again, "This is a nightmare."
"It's not--you've got us, we'll come up with a plan!" Sirius insisted with his
hands on either of her knees reassuringly, "What's the Restricted Section got
to do with any of this?"
"If I'm going to modify his memory I've got to learn how to do it first," she
said quietly, fully aware that the plan she was proposing was absolutely
insane, not to mention ridiculous. Sirius was quiet for a prolonged sense of
time. When she finally looked up to meet his eyes, he was grinning.
"It's brilliant. But we've got to hold a Marauder meeting, Wormtail and Prongs
need in on this. If we all learned, we'll all have an equally opportune chance
to blast the fucker--not to mention sweet revenge," Sirius mused thoughtfully.
"We--you lot can't go after him...not until we've gotten rid of the memory, not
until I can be certain any thoughts Lycanthropy are erased from his mind, at
least," Renata insisted, though she was not nearly as passionate about leaving
Lennox be as she ought to have been. If the boys retaliated...Len might go out
of his way to make life harder for her. 
Sirius dropped down onto the bed next to her and flopped backwards with a hand
shielding his eyes, "Merlin, I'm sorry, Renny, I got you into this mess with
that kiss," he muttered quietly, losing his confidence in light of his apology.
He'd had to apologize to her only once before--in her eyes, that was still
markedly worse than this.
"Why did you do that, anyway? I mean--me, of all people?"
He sighed and rolled onto his stomach, "Versmmdoit," he mumbled into the
bedding, his voice muffled with little more than shame.
"Come again?"
"Veritaserum made me do it."
"Right, well. No more of that for you then," she quipped and gave his back a
prod with her elbow until he turned his head and looked up at her. She offered
him a smile, as if to say they were fine. Because they were, really. "If you
ever get the urge to snog me again, a bit of warning might be nice," she teased
and dropped back onto the bed with a sigh herself.
Sirius looked at her, watched as her eyes became distant with thought, he
wasn't ready to lose her yet so he pulled her back in with a question, "What
now?"
"Now we put it on thick. You apologize to Lennox--"
"Not a fucking chance--"
"You must, Sirius. He can't think anything is out of the ordinary--well, aside
from the apology, make something up. Tell him you only wanted to kiss me for a
prank, you wanted to make me uncomfortable and the drink took it the wrong way.
In fact, you should do it at lunch. He's expecting me to sit with him again,"
she added, cringing at the thought.
"I don't know how you're going to tolerate it--let alone how Wormy and Prongs
are." 
She sighed as Sirius shook his head, "And how are you?"
"Darling, you know I've never had much tolerance for anything."
His words should have filled her with foreboding but instead they eased the
tension from her shoulders and she was able to relax while they waited together
in heavy silence for her summoning.
 
 
 
She was at Ravenclaw table again, forking through a pile of romaine listlessly.
She thought a salad would be light enough to stomach, but as soon as Lennox
placed a possessive hand on her knee she felt nauseous. And when he made fun of
the way she liked to keep her food separate, she felt stupid. The boys had
never cared about her organized eating methods, in fact, Sirius had found it
interesting.
Renata did her best to sit as far away from Lenny as possible but with the way
his fingertips locked around her thigh she couldn't do much more than lean her
upper half or avert her eyes whenever he tried to catch them with his own.
"Ready for our walk?" 
Lennox was looking at her expectantly after realizing she wasn't going to eat
anything else and she nodded to appease him though the thought of being alone
with him made her want to run screaming out of the Great Hall.
She saw the Marauders standing out of the corner of her eye and tried to
distract Lenny by turning to grab his hand in order to pull him along. Her hand
felt like it was dipped in acid and her legs felt like they were wading through
sludge but she kept going, relieved the boys would be close enough so she
wouldn't be entirely alone.
The air was brisk and cool and she huddled into herself before Lennox ever-so-
chivalrously draped his cloak around her shoulders.
"Thank you." She offered, only because she knew he expected it of her.
"So," Lenny started with his hands shoved into his pockets, "I don't want it to
be strained like this, Ren."
"How can you expect anything different, Lennox? You've hit me on multiple
occasions and you're threatening to expose me to the school if I don't play the
perfect girlfriend. It's sick--"
He reached under the cloak and squeezed the back of her neck so tightly she let
out a yelp, "Mind your tongue--"
She wrenched away from him and let the cloak fall from her shoulders into a
sad, rejected pile on the ground, "This is what I mean! You can't just hurt me
because you don't like what I have to say!"
"Or, you have to learn the right things to say, Renny, it's all about
appropriation--"
"Fuck you and your appropriation!" She snapped, the curse falling from her lips
in a snarl. The slap caught her sharply at the corner of her mouth as she
reached for her wand, but before she could cast a spell Lennox was already on
the ground seizing with uncontrollable laughter and rapidly sprouting boils
across his face, "Damnit--" she started in frustration as she turned to round
on the boys, only to find Wormtail on Prongs's antlers and...no sign of--
Sirius's materialized out of thin air as the other two changed back. No matter
how many times she'd seen it, it was still impressive and she only wished she
had the capability at whim, and not against her will once a month.
James flicked his wand to silence Lennox's laughter, though he still seized
with it silently, "We're taking him to Dumbledore," he said firmly.
"You can't--" Renny protested wincing at the tears coming from Lennox's eyes,
no doubt a mixture of pain and incessant hysterics.
"Out of all of us, Moony, you should know Dumbledore will take care of this,
same way he did with Snape--and there's no way we're going to sit around and
let this tosser abuse you while you try to work out a selective memory
modifying charm!" James protested, not even a hint of playfulness in his tone,
nor any gleam in his eyes. 
At the mention of the incident with Snape, Sirius had dropped his eyes and
seemed to be refusing to look at her, "You're not doing this alone, Ren, we're
not going to let you, so head back to the dormitory with Wormtail and Pads
while I, as Head Boy, take this bastard to Dumbledore for blackmailing and
assaulting a female peer." The firm authority in his voice was no match for her
meek protests and, though she dug her heels and protested slightly, she allowed
Sirius and Peter to lead her back to the Dormitory while James released the
jinx and bound Lennox with ropes from the tip of his wand to transport him.
"As soon as you were on about Memory Charms, Ren, I knew we weren't going to be
able to change your mind. Well, we would've gone about it differently but then
he hit you so--" Sirius shrugged and Peter nodded in agreement.
"Prongs nearly gored him with his antlers, I expect if I wasn't clinging to
them he might've really done it!" Peter seemed almost delighted by the idea and
his happiness was so simple it made her smile.
"I just have a feeling this isn't over yet."
"No use fretting about it now, if it's not over we'll meet it together," Sirius
assured her and gave her elbow a squeeze.
"Yeah, besides, we have more important things to worry about," Peter hedged,
begging either of them to take the bait.
"Alright, I'll bite--what've we got to worry about now?" Renata asked desperate
for a cuppa--Earl grey would have been brilliant right then.
"We have yet to perform our start of the year prank."
"Brilliant, Wormy. And this year we'll give the Ravenclaws a taste of revenge
for going at one of our own."
The malicious gleam in Sirius's eyes told Renata there was no talking him out
of that.
And you know, she found she didn't really want to.
 
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Notes
     Usual disclaimers apply!
     What do you guys think so far? Is it worth continuing or is it just
     falling flat? I'm desperate for feedback, hook a writer up with all
     your lovely constructive criticism!
"Is this really the level we've sunk to?" Renata asks the boys, one eyebrow
quirked as she reads over James's messy scrawl, Peter's nearly illegible
contributions (nearly because after years of practice, it's almost become
Marauder code), and Sirius's very prim, proper, and poised additions and
corrections. And this is how it's always been. The boys do the planning and
wait for her approval and enhancements--most of the time, anyway. Some of the
time they don't even bother showing her their plans as she was often the only
one of them with sense to try and stop the more outrageous ones.
"What's wrong with it?" 
Sirius looked decidedly put out as Renata raises an eyebrow and snorts.
"You want to play the warbling of Celestina Warbeck all bloody day over the
speaker system? That's not a prank Sirius, that's torture."
Renata crumpled their plans and bounced the paper off of Prongs's head and
ignored the terribly affronted look on James's face. She knew what he was
thinking--the sun shone out his bloody arse and if James Potter thought it was
a brilliant plan, then it had to be because he was James bloody Potter, after
all.
"You lot have lost your touch," her words are quiet and, very obviously untrue,
but the outrage that spews from James and Sirius is the very reaction she was
looking for. Peter, on the other hand, seems to be well aware of what she's up
to and sits silently with a small grin.
"I feel personally attacked," said James dramatically, and his hair seemed to
fall as flat as his affect.
"Horribly assaulted, it's like you don't know us at all," quipped Sirius, his
arms crossed in protest over his chest, as if it might maker her change the
verdict.
"Might be you'll just have to think up something better to prove me wrong,"
Renata shrugged her shoulders and headed for the stairs to the Common Room,
"Find me when you do but please, Pete, make sure it's actually something good,"
she pauses on the landing to listen to them bicker and half expect Sirius to
put one of his rotten Celestina records on the player he'd stolen from home--as
it was magic made, it functioned perfectly inside Hogwarts. He'd gone through a
phase towards the end of last year, bellowing love-ballads and broken hearted
ones at the top of his lungs, all throughout the Gryffindor Common Room when he
was in one of his...moods.
James and Sirius stare after her, mouths gaping wide enough that an entire
family of flies could have moved in during the interim. They stare at one
another next, as if at a loss for words.
At long last Peter sighs, snapping James and Sirius out of their shocked stares
after her, "She is partially right, you know. Nobody likes Celestina
Warbeck...it was kind of weak," he murmured, almost as if he was afraid they
would actually hear him. Sirius stared at Pete dumbfounded, while James's right
hand flew to his chest in horror.
"Merlin, I forgot how bloody fucking...quiet and witty she is. It's like it
sneaks up on you because she rarely speaks loud enough for anyone but us to
hear it..." Sirius trails off, still looking as if he was desperate in thought.
There had been plenty of times in class that she would make a comment or a joke
that only the Marauders were close enough to hear. It would leave them choking
through tears of laughter, well the rest of the room looked on curiously--and
some a bit annoyed.
"When she does let us have it, it's just...fucking mean!" James blurted and
ruffled his fingers through his hair, "Back to the drawing board, I suppose,"
and Sirius nodded in agreement, plunging the three of them into silence once
again as they sorted through their thoughts, "We'll show her..." he mutters and
pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he filters the Golden Snitch
he'd knicked years ago from his pocket. He claimed it made him think better,
Sirius was convinced he just thought better when he felt like he was being
cool.
They sit in silence for a while and then it's Peter who speaks.
"What's that charm, the germy one?"
Sirius furrows his eyebrows at him and looks almost murderous, like he might
punch or berate Pete for opening his mouth.
"The Gemino charm?" James tries and stops Sirius from launching across the
room.
"Yeah, it multiplies--"
"You bloody fuckin' genius, Wormtail!" James launches out of his bed and gives
Peter a smack upside the head, gentle and more affectionate than cruel or
belittling. 
Sirius smirks and nods his approval, which Wormtail looks positively pleased
about, "We'll cast it in all the classrooms early--cauldrons, potion
ingredients, Flitwick's fucking feathers! And--" Sirius reached to his night
stand and opened the drawer where he fumbled around a bit. When he retrieved
what he was looking for he pitched it across the room at James who snorted,
"Muggle contraception--condams, they call them."
"Condems," Peter corrects quickly before he continues on, "And during breakfast
as well! We'll cast it on plates and goblets and pitchers and the whole bloody
room will be unsuspecting--" Wormtail adds helpfully.
"Did Circe kiss you in your sleep last night, Wormy?" Sirius wonders idly,
curious as to where this stroke of genius came from. Pete flushes and gets off
his own bed. When he reaches the door out of the dormitory he turns back to
explain where he's headed, "Ought to tell Ren, she's the best at casting it,
and it's not a prank that'll hurt or embarrass anyone so...she'll get behind
it, won't she?"
James and Sirius nod, tripping over one another as the fight their way towards
the door, nearly barreling through Peter who has to grab the railing to keep
himself from falling down the stairs. All three of them are grinning and
panting when they find her tucked into her favorite armchair nearest the fire.
She has a book with her but it's merely centimeters before it's about to slip
out of her hands. Pete retrieves it and sets it down.
Sirius can't help but stare at her, the way the firelight flickers over and
warms her face, the bit of color in her cheeks that seems to have returned
since the fucking Edgecombe situation was taken care of. It was the end of the
first full week of classes and things seemed to be almost entirely normal.
Well, everything but him seemed to be normal. He has begun to notice more and
more about her. Like how he likes her hair best as it it now, pulled into a
long, loose braid while tiny, messy wisps of hair frame her face. 
She looks stunning and Sirius nearly runs from the Common Room at the thought.
This is Moony--his best mate! They'd slept in the same bed, platonically of
course. He healed her half naked after nasty Full's, and she'd been the one to
give him tips on how to really touch a girl back when they were in fourth year-
-what was wrong with him?
"How much do you think we can stack on top of her before she wakes up?" Sirius
blurts then, as a distraction much to the others chagrin. They begin the card-
house of sorts with objects lying around the Common Room, stacking them as high
and complicated as they can manage without waking her. Every time she shifts,
almost imperceptibly, they each dive behind something as if to hide. There are
few others in the Common Room as well, offering up their own things for the
boys to use as the tower grows precariously tall. A challenge if Sirius ever
saw one. At one point, James has Peter dangling upside down by his ankle near
the ceiling reaching with a Christmas tree topper (that had been transformed
from a book). When it's finished, Curtis Creevey steps forward with his fancy
muggle Polaroid camera and snaps a photo which he hands dutifully to Sirius and
instructs him to shake it out.
Then, James steps forward and whispers in Moony's ear, "Oi, Moon, get up, we've
got the prank of the century--"
She rouses slowly, quickly realizing the predicament she's in and looks around
the closest obstruction and locks eyes with Sirius as the rest of the room is
busting up in laughter, "You lot are the worst sort of evil," she mumbles
lowly, though she can't help the smile on her face from growing as she very,
very slowly and carefully slips her feet onto the floor and slides lower and
lower in the armchair. Sirius can't pull his eyes from where her sweater
raises, exposing a creamy, smooth expanse of her stomach. As her shirt raises,
more of her scars show through and he tries his hardest not to feel enraged by
the yellow-purple finger shaped bruises on her hip, no doubt still healing from
Edgecombe.
She manages to escape their trap smiles at the room as they applaud her svelte
skills, plucks her book from the ground and flicks her wand a few times,
dispersing the contents of the tower back to their original spots and previous
owners, "I hope that wasn't your genius prank--"
"Hush, Moony, we must discuss this privately, to the spot!" James choruses and
Peter repeats it in agreement. Sirius shoves his hands in his pockets and
follows with a sigh, trying to push the thoughts he was having as far from his
head as he could manage, what with Renata's arm bumping against his on occasion
while they walked.
"Have you not learned to walk in a straight line?" He blurts in annoyance
before he can stop himself. Renata turns her head to grill him, her eyebrows
raised curiously, but says nothing and does her best to steer clear of Sirius
Black's bloody way. After a while, Renata realizes they're heading towards the
library.
"Merlin, what sort of prank is this if we need research?" She wonders
curiously, looking at Peter for an answer as she's annoyed with Sirius's
attitude and hardly expects a straight shot answer from James.
"Well, we've all got to learn the Germynino--"
"Gemino, Pete," Sirius mutters the correction.
"--charm in order to carry this out. We've only got till tomorrow to get it
right, seeing as the prank of the year--"
"Must be carried out the first week, so we Solemnly Swear," James finishes for
him as they head into the library and Renata leads the way to the section she
knows the books about multiplication charms are. She begins pulling them and
passing them off listlessly behind her to Sirius, who hands them to James who,
naturally, hands them to Peter. When she turns around Wormtail's face is
covered by all the books she's pulled. Ren rolls her eyes and lifts half the
stack from him as she mutters complaints about the other two, who smirk and
grin and nudge one another along the way. Sirius pokes her side, illiciting a
sort of laugh-shout of protest and she drops her books on the nearest table to
turn around and give him a piece of her mind.
But that's when she see's him. Head bent low over Lupine Lawlessness as he
whispered to Damocles Belby, who had his own head bent of Lycanthropy:
Strengths and Weaknesses. The pair of them seemed to be having a heated
debate. Lupine Lawlessness--she thinks bitterly to herself, the book that
details exactly why someone like her, why any werewolf was undeserving of life.
She felt cold, clammy, and careless. She took a determined step forward with
her wand drawn, ready to set the book before Lennox on fire but Sirius is there
first and tears the text from him himself.
"You barbaric little fuck--" Sirius hisses, his upper lip curling with a snarl
as he eyes the page Lennox had been reading, "Ways to kill a werewolf," Sirius
drops the book to the floor and flicks his wand, incinerating it immediately,
"We had a talk about this, didn't we, Edgecombe?"
"It's not what you think--" Lennox starts in protest and stands as Damocles
pulls his book to his chest for safe keeping. Renata notices the other books
next to him, potion books and books about potion ingredients, listing all their
properties, "Damocles is trying to--"
"I don't much care what you fucking crows are up to, get out of my sight, lest
I have to make you," and there is something horribly, terribly Black in his
voice. His authority is not going to go unnoticed, as the fierceness in his
eyes and the menacing tone of his voice has second years sitting at their own
table behind them cowering. Sirius is used to getting what he wants, in some
respect. He knows how to project the authoritative, cruel, unforgiving air of
his family, whether or not he doesn't mean a word of it or want anything to do
with them. He knows how to use it to his advantage. Especially to protect a
friend.
When it looks as if Lennox is going to protest, James steps forward as well,
"Need I remind you about our meeting with Dumbledore?"
Lennox goes sheet-white and Renata averts her eyes. Neither James nor Sirius
had told her what had happened. Even Peter had refused and turned bright red
and slipped away with some excuse to avoid her.
"Really, if you'd like a reminder, we'd be happy to oblige you--" Sirius
starts.
Renata steps forward between them and ignores the way Peter tries to stop her,
"Enough, this is over. They're leaving," and she turned to stare at Lenny hard,
Damocles has already brought his books to the front and has begun to check them
out. Lennox stares back at her, something sad in his eyes, like he wants to say
something to her, "Not now."
And then he's gone, following after Belby as he leaves the library with little
more than a look over his shoulder.
"Not now," Sirius repeats and then again, "Not now? Are you out of your fucking
mind? After what he did with you you're going to entertain the notion of
speaking with him again? He was just reading a book about how to kill you,
Renata--"
"Shut up, Sirius, everyone can bloody hear you!" Renata snaps, sudden rage in
her tone, "Maybe they're--"
"You're fucking naive," Sirius spits back at her angrily and dismisses her with
a wave of his hand.
Renata's jaw drops at the cruelty in his tone and the way he writes her off
without another look already turning to open one of the books she's pulled. And
she knows, usually, she's just supposed to roll her eyes and suck it up. She's
just supposed to take it. Sirius is always moody, and he's always being rude
whenever he wants and really, they should all be used to it by now.
But suddenly she's angry and she smacks the book out of his hand and is in his
face, "And you're a pompous prat, Sirius Black. This is your fault because you
couldn't keep it in your bloody pants during a stupid, stupid game of truth or
dare. I hope you're happy with yourself because, just to spite you, I'm going
to go speak with both of them and apologize for your spoiled, self-centered
agenda. Merlin, my furry little problem isn't yours to handle. How
fucking long is it going to take for you to get that? Or should I
ask Snape?" And she knows she's crossed a line, but Sirius never has a problem
crossing them whenever he wants as many times as he wants. There last fight,
the biggest one they'd ever had had been in fifth year, when Sirius had
stupidly, rashly tempted Snape to try and visit her in the Shrieking Shack--
he'd been cruel and cold and utterly reckless. Hadn't thought about her, only
himself.
And now felt like much the same.
"Moony--" Sirius started and reached for her as she pulled away.
"Don't bother," she snapped, "And you lot can figure this out on your own."
At that, she turns from them all and stalks out of the library, making the trek
up the steps towards Ravenclaw tower where she feels compelled to apologize to
Belby, at least. And...part of her wanted desperately to hear what Lennox had
to say to her, because he had look painfully like he wanted to say
something...anything to get her to listen.
A larger part of her realized she was acting this way, being so reckless and
all, because she wanted Sirius to feel bad. She wanted him to feel guilty.
Wanted him to know that he had pushed her to this point of toxicity, to the
point that she was answering the riddle in order to get into Ravenclaw Common
Room in order so she could seek out Lennox. Lennox who had smack her 'round a
week ago. Lennox who had called her all sorts of names--Renny swallowed thickly
as she passed through the portrait (The man who invented it doesn't want it.
The man who bought it doesn't need it. The man who needs it doesn't know it.
What is it? ...A coffin? )
In the common room she surveys her surroundings--he's not here. Emmeline comes
up to her, smiling brightly, "Oh, Ren! Are you here for Lenny? I was hoping you
two might make up--he and Damocles are up in their rooms."
Renata smiled and nodded and took the stairs two at a time. Once outside the
Seventh year room she hesitated, fear suddenly striking her core. She knocked
anyway and entered as soon as Belby told her to. Damocles was a sixth year, but
the most brilliant Ravenclaw at Hogwarts, she knew. He was talented in potions
and took private lessons with Professor Slughorn.
"Ren?" Lenox blurted, shock written across his face.
"I--I just wanted to apologize. Sirius shouldn't have--it was--what were you
going to say to me?" Because that was why she was here, wasn't it?
"Lennox told me."
Renata nearly launched across the room and killed him, but Belby went on,
"About your mother. Said you often leave school once a month to take care of
her...and I just...my grandfather was a werewolf. He...he died over the summer
and the pain he was in was immeasurable. I thought...when Lennox told me, I
thought we could try and come up with a potion or something. Something your mum
could take around the Full. Something that would let her keep her human mind
about her. It might make the pain less," and Damocles was so earnest, so
heartfelt there were tears in his eyes. And then tears in hers. 
She was speechless, she didn't have the capacity to even offer a thank you.
"Could you give us a mo', Damocles?" Lennox asked quietly and Belby nodded,
squeezing her shoulder on the way out.
"Is that true? You--"
"Yes, Ren. Yes--I..." Lennox buried his face in his hands, "I was raised
differently. My father grew up in a town where werewolves attacked one summer
and he--he hates them, he raised me to hate them. And not just the regular kind
of hate but--the sort where I believed you were less than me. Not even a
person--and all that shit about training you...it was what he used to say. When
I found out about you, it all...it just snapped again. But I--I really care
about you. I still do. As soon as I realized how horrible I'd become, after
speaking with Dumbledore...I just wanted to help. And I knew Damocles could
help. If he can come up with a potion, if I can help him brew it--" Lennox
looked up at her then, tears in his eyes, "If it could help you when you
turn...to keep you calm, to keep your from cutting yourself up, from thinking
you're some monster...maybe there will be hope for us after all."
And even though she hated him, hated him for what he'd done to her. She
couldn't dismiss the kindness in his voice, the sincerity of his plan--the fact
that he was doing this for her, for them, "We can't--the boys would never let
me--"
"I know. I don't expect them to. I understand. I just want to help you. Even if
we can't be together. I've spoken to Dumbledore about it, I told him what I'm
trying to do. He knows I'm remorseful, you can even ask him--"
Renata shook her head. She wouldn't bother Dumbledore anymore, not with this.
It was becoming too much of a burden. 
"Will you...can you show me what you have come up with so far?" She asked
softly, so quietly she wasn't sure he had even heard it until he stood from his
bed and gestured for her to sit, giving her enough space away from him that she
didn't feel trapped or threatened. He laid a roll of parchment in her lap.
"I wasn't reading that book today to learn how to...hurt you, or anything. I
was reading it so we could learn what hurts werewolves and how we can counter
it. Those are going to be the ingredients that build the base of the potion. We
might not be able to stop the transformation--but Damocles is certain he can
stop your mind from turning--or, rather, your mothers. Sorry about that, by the
way. I--"
"No, it's alright. I appreciate it, as long as he--"
"He'd never. Never. Honest, his grandfather--he saw all of it, all the time.
And I wouldn't either, I know I was horrible, awful--but I was just...I was
jealous and trying to use what I knew so I could hurt you but--" Lennox sighed
and shook his head, "I was wrong. So wrong. I'll change, I'll get better--I'll
prove it to you."
"I didn't come here to get back together, Lennox," she insisted as she read
over the parchment he'd given her, nodding at certain parts and furrowing her
eyebrows at others.
"I know. I just wanted to tell you that," he watched her as she read, "Hey, why
don't you take that with you. You can add things in, if you'd like. Correct
what we've got--any information you have personally would be really, really
helpful--"
"I...yeah. Sure. I think I will."
Renata stood then and started for the door, she cast a smile over her shoulder
and Lennox gave her a wave.
"I...we aren’t friends, Lennox. Don’t get this confused, alright?”
He pursed his lips at that, a flash of bitter annoyance in his eyes and bid her
a silent goodbye. 
 
 
Once back in Gryffindor tower she took up her typical armchair and used her
wand in place of a quill to add or corrects bits and pieces here and there. She
relayed the symptoms more accurately, detailed the after effects of a
transformation, listed the ways in which she forgot herself during the Full. It
was such a stupid pipe dream, she knew that. So pathetic to think that there
could ever be a cure or something to make this ailment less painful--but she
wanted to believe in it. She wanted to have a chance at something. If she
helped them, or gave them key information for the potion...Renata smiled softly
to herself as she read of Lennox's tidy scrawl. 
Being a werewolf doesn't change the human behind it.
She knew she could never trust him again, or forgive him for the way he'd hurt
her but--a lot of people were terrified by Werewolves. A lot of people thought
her a monster. After Hogwarts, she'd never have a chance at a job or career,
she'd be spat on and looked at as something horrible and disgusting. Once they
injected the trace in her as well--she'd forever be marked as something rotten.
Something to be rid of. Even her own father growing up, before Fenrir had taken
his revenge, he had said that werewolves didn't deserve to live.
How could she hold what Lennox had done to her against him?
If anything, she deserved it. He had said it himself--he'd only been trying to
train the beast within and, perhaps he'd had a point. Renata shook the thought.
Refused to let herself think like that in the moment. She couldn't grow so
weak, could not trust Lennox after how he'd hit her. But...truthfully, a part
of her understood completely. And another part of her was starting to believe
she deserved it. Not that she could ever admit that to any of the Marauders, or
her parents. They'd want to flay her alive for it. Renata rolled the parchment
up and charmed it to stay sealed until she handed it back to Lennox.
She spent the rest of her night staring into the fire, wondering what life
would be like if she could take a potion that would keep her tame. Keep her
from hurting anyone else--
"Moony?" 
She knew it was Sirius without even turning to look over the back of the chair.
He sat on the arm of it and looked down at her with a sheepish look on his
face.
"I didn't--I'm sorry if--"
"Forget it, Sirius. Let's just forget it."
He wedged himself onto the chair and pulled her into his lap, "Did you go
and...see him?"
She sighed and nodded, "It was...it was fine. Honest. He got to explain himself
a bit. He and Belby are going to invent a potion to help my mum's
transformations--"
Sirius looked at her incredulously, causing her to laugh, "Your--what?"
"Lennox told Belby my mum was a werewolf and that that's why I leave once a
month. Belby's grandfather was a werewolf and passed away over the summer. He's
got a bit of a soft spot right now, I expect. And I think Len is trying to
redeem himself. He...he had a pretty decent explanation for his behavior--I'm
not saying I forgive him, just that I get it. And I appreciate the lengths he's
going to to try and help me," Renata admitted, toying with the ends of Sirius's
hair mindlessly as she stared off into the flames.
"Don't you ever forgive him, Ren. The things he did to you--"
"I know, Padfoot, I know. But just...please lay off of him, alright? Just let
it lie. We have enough to worry about with...everything.” And they both knew
she wasn’t referring to NEWT’s or finding careers—the incident on the train was
foreboding. It felt closer now—the end of the peaceful facade they had been
comfortable enough to live in while at Hogwarts.
Alas, she probably should've known better. Should've known that Sirius Black
would never be the type to "let it lie". Especially if he was specifically told
to do so.
 
 
 
She and Sirius had spent most of the night like that. Finally, they'd gotten
time to properly catch up. The only time Sirius had refused to speak about
something was when Renata had brought up Regulus. She should've known better,
really. Sirius's family had been a taboo topic since 5th year, as Peter liked
to call it "When Shit Hit the Fan". 
They fell asleep somewhere in the realm of 3 o'clock, only hours later James
and Peter were prodding them awake, telling them they had to get started on
charming the dishes in the Great Hall if they wanted breakfast to be a success
and still have enough time to make their mark on the rest of the classrooms
before anyone noticed they were missing. It was going to be a bloody mess,
especially considering James and Sirius had also come across a spell that, once
cast on an object that was consequently touched, would subject the user to fits
of laughter or uncontrollable dance. Multiply that by every bloody copy  that
would be germinating around them and the entire hall would be a mess of laugh
and dance before they even got their wits about them long enough to cast the
counter curse.
And, naturally, James and Sirius had given Peeves a few multiplying Dumgbombs
to use as he so pleased throughout that day, so long as it wasn't on Lily or
the Marauders.
"It makes more sense if we split up," Ren told them as they slipped quietly
from the Great Hall, "Pete and I will do Potions, Transfiguration, and..." she
mused for a second, "Divination. You two can take Charms, Defense, and Ancient
Runes. We can meet in two hours at the Astronomy tower...and if we're feeling
ambitious we can stop for Arithmancy before we trek to the greenhouses?" 
James and Sirius mulled this over and nodded finally in agreement, "You two
take the cloak--Wormtail can transform of need be and well, Padfoot and I know
the secret passageways better."
"I solemnly swear--" Peter started with a cheeky grin on his face.
"That I am up to--" James added.
"No good," Ren and Sirius finished together before they all took off in their
appointed directions.
Renata and Peter walking in comfortable silence, comfortable enough anyway. It
seemed like Pete was gnawing on something he didn’t know how to say to her. It
wasn’t until they’d finished the first classroom that Ren finally turned to
him, “Something on your mind?”
Peter looked up in mild shock, as if he thought he had exercised an appropriate
poker face. “Well...” he sighed as they opened the door to the next classroom
and she silently set about her work, “What’s going on between you and Padfoot?”
Renata hesitated, her hand nearly coming down on the quill she’d just charmed,
“Between—what?” She turned to face him, “Nothing, I—“
”Ever since truth or dare it’s like...something has changed. You either want to
kill each other or...well, Prongs and I were saying you might snog again.”
She spluttered, her words caught in her throat, “That’s ridiculous, we’re not
going to snog again, Wormtail,” she insisted with a shake of her head and made
a mental note to speak to James about this when she had a chance.
”Maybe you should...Pads might...well, I think he’s got feelings for you,
maybe.”
Renata let out a laugh, though he words triggered something in the back of her
mind she couldn’t quite shake. Did Sirius really...have feelings for her? She
didn’t think anything had changed! They were always affectionate—always close.
And not in the same way that he and Prongs were like brothers, each one half of
a whole. No, they were different—but...relationship different? 
Her thoughts jumped briefly to the Veritaserum and how it had made her spill
the truth to Lennox, how she had enjoyed the kiss, how she would do it again.
But that was just because they’d been drunk and it had been a nice snog! That
didn’t mean—did it?
”Fuck,” she mumbled, more to herself than to Peter as they continued working. 
“Yeah. Sorry to bring it up, it’s just...you’ve both been weird, I had to say
something. I expect James might also,” Peter admitted, rubbing the back of his
neck like he knew something. Ren didn’t push him on it, she’d grant them both
that reprieve. 
 
 
 
When they met at the Astronomy tower later, James and Sirius abruptly stopped
speaking the moment the door opened. Renata raised an eyebrow but said nothing,
“We managed Arithmancy already,” James informed them brightly, running his hand
through hair furthering its intensely messy appearance. 
Sirius was unusually quiet, Renata noticed. Part of her wondered whether James
and Peter had planned this mild intervention. The thought made her
uncomfortable. And it had nothing to do with Sirius, more so that someone (two
someone’s) had noticed something about her that she had been oblivious
to—unconsciously trying to be oblivious to, anyway. The Marauders would always
come first. Holding onto their friendship when she'd tried her best to isolate
herself, when she’d been so against making any friends in the first
place...having feelings for Sirius could ruin that. Could ruin them. 
Renata wouldn’t. And besides, what sort of life would that be for Sirius? To be
inlove with a werewolf—
Oh fucksake, she thought bitterly to herself, I’m getting too far ahead of
myself.
It was nothing. Wasn’t it? 
They were all staring at her then, and she realized she’d missed what was
apparently a Very Serious Question.
”Sorry—what?”
”How dare she!” Sirius boomed crossing his arms over his chest, “The most
important thing we’ll do all year and she isn’t even focused!”
”Blasphemy!” James agreed quickly, smacking his hand against the nearest
telescope...which consequently sprouted replicas. Which incidentally hit
Wormtail’s foot and sprouted infinitely more.
”We should get out of here—“
As they scuffled for the door, Sirius tripped and sprouted even more and found
himself briefly buried underneath, “Go on without me, I’ll never make it out
alive!”
Ren laughed as James struggled to pull Sirius to his feet, “No man gets left
behind!”
They were in fits when Filch found them at the base of the astronomy tower
steps, scowling with Mrs. Norris in his arms who hissed at the sight of Renata.
”Oh, Argus—always a pleasure!” James started in, his Head Boy charm bursting
out of him, “I was just escorting these three back to the dormitory, last
minute Astronomy project, you see. I didn’t want them going up here so late at
night Stag.”
”Would have been a dog-gone time, really—but he insisted.”
”No way to worm our tails out of it.”
”You should see the sky at night, so Moony.”
And at that, before Argus could go on, they took off at a run together and
didn’t stop running until they reached the Common Room and collapsed in
laughter against each nearest cushion. 
“Did you see his face?” Peter warbled through near tears cross legged on the
floor with his forearms resting on his knees. 
“Thought he was about to piss himself—“
”—with that rage dance he was doing!” Sirius finished for James, who already
had his hand in his hair, ruffling it reflexively. 
“Tomorrow will be...eventful,” Ren concedes thoughtfully with a yawn that
muddled the last worded. She stood and stretched, her jumper lifting to reveal
a web of scars that made Sirius wince internally, for he knew that James and
Peter knew that he felt something more for Renata then he ever dared to admit,
“I’m off to bed, you lot should try and catch the last two hours before
breakfast, yeah?”
In exhausted agreement they dispersed, but not before Sirius gave her hand a
squeeze and a wink only she saw. Her cheeks burned red hot as she took the
stairs two at a time to her dorm and dropped into bed, where she fell asleep to
thoughts of Sirius and how his lips had felt against hers only a few days ago.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Notes
     Sup lads!
     Sorry for the long delay--I've been getting killed at work which has
     pretty much destroyed my muse. But I'm still continuing this, as long
     as it takes!
     Would absolutely appreciate your comments/critique! Happy reading <3
     Er and I’m also sorry that it seems the only stories I’m capable of
     writing are full of dark angst and horrible pain. Trigger warning for
     sexual assault ahead.
As per usual, Dumbledore started breakfast off with a few curious words to
"open the mind" and "inspire creativity" for the day to come. Renata was sure
he flicked his wand at a muggle dictionary at any random page and had the
strangest combination of words selected automatically for this very purpose. 
Of course, she was the only one paying attention to Dumbledore as the rest of
the Marauders were waiting for the first unlucky soul to pick up a fork or
touch their goblet. 
Lily had just turned to her, "Rawky, rug rat, snollygaster, wabbit?" She
repeated, entirely bewildered and half in thought as she reached to serve
herself some eggs. Renata had her lips pursed, as she remembered Sirius had
charmed this exact place-setting. The moment Lily touched her fork--
"Odd sort of genius, isn't he?" Ren agreed, biting her lip and punching
Sirius's thigh--
CHING-CLANG-CHING!
The hall erupted instantaneously, the moment everyone began to reach for
pumpkin juice or silverware, shouts of surprise, a few curses--Hagrid
was shielding Professor McGonogall from the goblets that threatened to swallow
her whole. Slughorn was up to his neck in serving spoons while Dumbledore
looked around curiously, a mischevious twinkle in his eyes as they fell on the
Marauders who were laughing with tears in their eyes, miraculously untouched by
overwhelming amount of multiplying silverware. Renata couldn’t help but feel
mildly satisfied as Lennox and his mates were dwarfed by place settings—and she
vaguely remembered Sirius taking particular interest in the Ravenclaw table
only a few hours ago.
”A mild form of revenge, you see,” Sirius’s lips whispered in her ear, “Just
wait till he starts—“
At that, Lennox began to sing and well, really sing. The Hogwarts school song
burst out of him like some horrible rendition sung by a terrible Barry
White—Renata clapped a hand over her mouth to hide her laughter. A harmless
prank, but enjoyable all the same. Sirius hadn't crossed a line this time, for
that she was impressed. And grateful. It wasn’t until Lenny made eye contact
with her that she felt a pit drop in her stomach. Had it been a step too far?
They had made amends of sorts, after all.
His eyes held that same dark look they’d had before, when he’d hurt her. His
face was red, both from embarrassment and exertion. He didn’t take his eyes off
her the whole time. With the rest of the Great Hall in chaos, she flicked her
wand in his direction and non-verbally cast a finite charm to reverse the
effects as the rest of their professors attempted the same in each new
explosion of cutlery and goblets.
Lennox made a beeline for the door and, with guilt weighing her down, Renata
followed at his heels ignoring the calls behind her. 
Laughter followed her out into the entrance hall and filled the expanse of
space all the way up to the cavernous ceilings, only to immediately grow silent
as she let the large, heavy oak doors shut deftly behind her. Lennox was not
far, she saw, fumbling with his wand as he tried to gather himself, face
pinched and bright red with embarrassment. 
“Len, I’m so sorry—I had no idea that they’d—“ He held up a hand to silence
her, anger ebbing through his features. She hesitated before moving closer to
him and was relieved to see a tight smile on his lips. “Len—?"
"A good prank, I must admit but—“ she held her breath, chest tight as she
awaited his oncoming explosion, “—I have an awful singing voice. Truly an
embarrassing moment for an Edgecombe,” he let out a laugh and a sigh—at least
until she saw how tightly she had her arms wrapped around herself. And how
sharply she flinched when he reached for her, “Oh no, Renny—Merlin, I’m so
sorry I’ve done this to you. You’re terrified of me, aren’t you?” She swallowed
thickly and refused to answer, refused to make eye contact with him either.
Slowly, gingerly, he reached to pull her into his arms. It took a few beats too
long for her to feel comfortable, but before he could pull away she wrapped her
arms around him and she swears she can hear the smile on his lips.
“I’ll never hurt you again, Ren. I swear it, I’m changing. I was wrong. I've
got to do better."
She nodded against his chest, goosebumps rose when he tucked his head against
her shoulder and a breath of warm air touched her skin, shortly before his lips
left an impression as well. It was a bit too much, too close for comfort, and
so she pulled away before he took any other liberties, “You’re going to want to
be careful all day...we, er...we’ve covered the entire castle. A simple finite
should stop it.” 
This time, Lennox truly laughed, “Your friends I may...dislike for this, but
you are a remarkable witch.” 
She smiles, her cheeks flushed, and just before they reenter the Great Hall she
gives his hand a quick squeeze, a leap of unwarranted faith, and joins him at
Ravenclaw table—just the pair of them, for the end of breakfast. She feels a
pair of eyes on her and looks up, not towards Gryffindor table, but towards
their Professors. Dumbledore is watching her quizzically until she catches his
eye, to which he gives her a smile and a single nod, as if in understanding
or...acceptance. It makes her feel better about this.
 
 
The first lessons of the day are an absolute horror—it wasn’t until
Dumbledore’s voice boomed through every room and announced that lessons would
be cancelled for the rest of the day that the chaos seized. All the professors
were undoubtedly de-jinxing their classrooms while the rest of the student body
was able to enjoy the last warm rays of summer. The weather in Scotland changed
as quickly as the wind—surely, the following weeks would become brisk and cold,
and as soon as they adjusted, the bitter chill would set in. Gone would be
walks around the castle (lest you knew how to cast a warming charm on
yourself).
It had been dubbed the best Marauder prank.
Renata found herself very fond of it, too, as she sat with Lily, Marlene, and
Dorcas alongside the lake as the Giant Squid showed off for them (or Dorcas,
mainly, as the creature had taken a strange affinity to her first year when she
fell in while trying to say hello.) Alice was off with Frank Longbottom, which
Renny found was an incredibly sweet pairing, as Alice and he had to be among
some of the kindest people she'd ever met.
”At least the weekend started early,” Marlene murmured, her tone lazy and bored
as Renata braided her hair mindlessly, occasionally tilting her chin up towards
the sun to catch its warmth.
”Thank Merlin-“ Dorcas quipped, her quill sweeping handlessly through her
journal, detailing the events of the day, no doubt.
Ren hummed softly to herself, a song that Sirius has been belting in the common
room the night before...Led Zeppelin, he’d called it.
“What was that at breakfast, Renny?” Lily’s voice cut pointedly through the
lazy chatter between them and Renata dropped her hands to her lap as Marlene
sat up and shook out her loose braids. It appeared that Lily had been waiting
to ask her this for a while and had finally grown tired of waiting for the
conversation to turn of its own accord.
”What—?”
”Don’t insult me, Ren—with Edgecombe, I thought you were done with him?” Lily’s
tone was harsh with meaning and Renata’s gaze was unwavering, equally as
challenging as the red heads own. She knew the sharpness in Lily's voice was
there out of concern and she did her best not to feel offended.
”We are done, Merlin, we can be friends—“
”No, you cant’t! James told me—“
”Oh, James, is it? For the past six years it’s been Potter or “arrogant toe-
rag”—“ Renata but her lip to keep herself from snapping, “I think you ought to
trust my judgement, since we’ve been friends from first year, and you’ve only
just decided James is worth your time.”
”That’s—you know I had every right—“
”Yes, Lily, I know you did. As I have every right to forgive Lennox and
maintain a friendship.”
”Stop it, guys—“ Dorcas started helplessly.
”You’re being thick, Ren—he hurt you—“
”What?” Marlene spat, quick to hone in. Renata rolled her eyes—as if the three
of them and Alice...and probably Emmeline hadn’t already discussed what Lily
had seen at the start of term.
”I’m going for a walk,” Renata muttered, already on her feet and moving quickly
in any direction that would remove her from them. She was tired of being
judged—by her friends, no less! She was already set up to be judged by the
entirety of society for the rest of her life, once she left Hogwarts and had to
submit to the trace (and the unspoken blacklist for any and all careers she may
have wanted to pursue). She certainly didn’t need Lily or Marlene questioning
who she thought she could trust...or forgive.
Especially not when it came to Lennox—he’d explained himself to her. He was
trying to help her, by all the gods, he was trying to do something that would
make her lycanthropy less painful. Something the girls didn’t even know about.
They couldn’t begin to understand why she’d made this choice. 
As she came upon the greenhouses, Renata found herself measurably calmer. Time
and space always did her well. It gave her a moment to process, to move on, and
to forget. It was the best way for her to cope. She couldn’t hold a grudge,
couldn’t ever truly be mad at anyone—she wasn’t in the realm of picking and
choosing her friends when once the thought of having friends hadn’t even been a
possibility.
It was why she’d been able to forgive Sirius their fifth year. Snape had so
earnestly and intentionally gotten under his skin, had even used Regulus to do
it. Sirius has been thoughtless—absolutely! But he hadn’t done it to hurt her.
That, that she could forgive. She supposed it must come with the territory of
being...what she was.
Renata hadn’t realized there were tears staining her cheeks until a breeze
passed through the greenhouse she was standing in and chilled each streak down
her cheek. She reached up hastily to wipe the tracks but was caught off guard
by giggling just around the bed of Vernacula beds, growing contained and
charmed to keep their tentacles to themselves. 
She tried to retreat, but in her haste she banged against one of the shelves
and knocked an empty ceramic pot over. It shattered noisily against the compact
dirt ground and gave away her position—whilst startling the two who were hiding
away to snog and—well, who knew what else?
”Sorry—fuck, shit, sorry. I didn’t know anyone was—“
She froze at the sight of Sirius, tie missing and buttons haphazardly re-knit.
A pretty blonde Hufflepuff—Beatrice Podmore, she realized, was hiding horribly
behind him.
”Moony—“
”Honestly, m’sorry, I just wanted some air and—er...bye!” She sputtered quickly
and turned on her heel, looping her extra worn sweater sleeves over her
clenched fists. She did her best to ignore the tears leaking from the corner of
her eyes—why did they...no, he! Sirius Black! Of all people, need to be who she
stumble upon? Why did he, of all people, seem to be waiting around every corner
when she was in the middle of a breakdown?
It made her feel so impossibly stupid! 
“Ren?” His voice startled her to a stop, he collided with her back and the
shocking force of it sent them sprawling, “Oi—the fuck you doin’, stopping
short like that, Merlin—“
”What are you doing chasing after me?” She snapped back quickly, rolling over
onto her backside and using her arms to push herself away from him—though he
was still impossibly close. She could see his snog swollen lips all too
clearly—it inspired some sort of rage in her. “You stink, Padfoot, piss off--”
and he did stink, like lust and...dirt.
”What is your prob—have you been crying?” His face warped from annoyed to
concerned, all sharp tone and harshness dissipated from his words and he
reached for her in a way that egged her on further.
”It’s nothing, Pads, shove off. I went for a walk to be alone—“ she waved her
hand in the direction of the greenhouses, “If I’d known you were here I
would’ve gone somewhere else.”
Sirius mulled this over for a long, very long, silent second, “One of Moony’s-
moody-midnight-meanders?” Renata rolled her eyes, “Y’know I can’t leave you on
your own now.”
She laughed in spite of herself and quickly wiped her cheeks, “Fuck off,
Black.”
”As warm an invitation as ever.”
He dropped back into the grass next to her and used his cloak to set them up
with a weak excuse for a pillow—one she accepted anyway. He had his hands
folded behind his head, all thoughts of Beatrice Podmore nonexistent. When she
opened her mouth to ask about her, Sirius gave her a pointed side eye.
”I suppose you want to know—“
”No. No, I don’t. Let’s just stay here a while,” Sirius answered before she
could finish. Of course he wanted to know why she wanted to be alone, why she
was crying, why she’d been sitting with that fuckhead at breakfast, why she
didn’t seem to be jealous of Amelia the way something dormant was roaring
hopeful inside of him that she would be—but he didn’t want to scare her away.
He didn’t want to ruin this moment, not with the way she seemed to relax under
the sun, her hair a spun burnt-gold tangle of silk, her cheeks pink from wiping
away tears...the tiny quirk of her lips as he raised his hand and manipulated
one of the falling leaves to land perfectly on the tip of her nose.
Let her smile instead, Sirius thought. The rest would come in time.
 
 
”So,” Sirius started as they made their way casually across the grounds towards
the castle. When he didn’t go on, Renata quirked an eyebrow and shot him an
encouraging look. Silently, Sirius realized this was consent to ask whatever
question it was that he’d been holding on to, “Edgecombe?”
When she sighed, he rolled his eyes in response, “Come off it, Moony, you knew
every one of us would ask eventually.”
”No, I know,” she shrugged and combed her fingers through her hair, “We’re not,
like, back together or anything! I just felt bad because—“
”For future reference, never preface anything in regards to Edgecombe with the
words ‘I feel bad’—“
”Duly noted, but really, he was...embarassed and after everything he’s trying
to do for me...”
Sirius sighed and shook his head, this time he was the one to run a hand
through his hair, “You’ve too good a heart, Moony.” She could see the words
falling angry off of his lips, the explosion he was holding in—and she was
grateful for it.
”Don’t mention the whole, er—“
”Greenhouse meltdown? Duly noted,” Sirius teased an elbow hurting out briefly
to nudge her ribs. 
When they entered the Entrance Hall, they were assaulted immediately by Filch
who was holding an undeniably rancid Mrs. Norris, “I don’t know how I’ll prove
it, but I know it was you who provided that filthy poltergeist with a cursed
stink bomb! He desecrated my cat! You’ll be strung up by your toe nails in the
dungeons, like they did in the good days!” 
Sirius grabbed her by the hand and led her quickly up the stairs and away from
the chaos that Filch seemed to orchestrate on a daily basis wherever he went.
When they were far enough away and safely tucked into a secret passage on the
second floor that sloped upwards in the general direction of Gryffindor tower,
Sirius stopped pulling her along and the guilty look on his face told her all
she needed to know.
”Padfoot, you didn’t! Not the cat!” Renata laughed, a hand on her chest as if
she could keep her laughter at bay and hide how truly pleased she was. Renata
hated cats—and though she knew it was a byproduct of her lycanthropy, she
couldn’t help but feel the urge to punt that bitch of a cat down the stairs
every time it crossed her path with a hiss and accusing eyes.
Sirius ran his fingers through his hair and shrugged casually, though she could
see that effortless smirk of his poking through, “Mrs. Norris has a habit of
being where all naughty things are taking place, doesn’t she?” 
Ren scoffed and smacked his chest with the back of her hand, he reached to pull
her in and knocked her terribly off balance which caused her hand to flip and
ball into a fist, clenching his shirt in order to keep herself upright. Sirius
had his arms around her to hold her steady while she laughed and found that she
was finally letting go of the angst that had overwhelmed her all morning.
Once she got her bearings together she met his eyes and found that he was
looking at her so intensely she almost had to take a step back, “Sirius, wha—?”
Before she can articulate her confusion, Sirius’s lips are on hers, cutting off
her words, her breath, and any sort of coherent thought process. His body is
pressed firmly against hers and she’s pressing back. She can feel him, his lips
are intoxicating and his tongue is electric when it touches hers. It barely
registers to her that she's kissing him back, hard, with her hands holding
tight to the fabric covering his chest.
His fingers are wound in her hair and his other arm is looped around her waist.
When they part for air, Renata realizes her lips are swollen and kiss-bruised,
her face feels flushed...and suddenly she’s angry.
He goes to kiss her again but she shoves him away this time before his (really
quite intoxicating) kiss can distract her coherency again, “You were just
practically shagging Beatrice Podmore...and now you—you’re the worst, Black,
honestly! What’s wrong with you? You can’t just snog me whenever you see
fit—and not when you're running around snogging everyone else too!" She rolls
her eyes at him and drags the back of her hand across her lips, "Really know
how to make a girl feel special, don't you?" She mutters, a bitter feeling in
her chest. 
Sirius is watching her, almost amused with the outburst, “Fine then, tell me
you don’t want me to snog you anymore, and I won’t, ever again.”
Renata opened her mouth to answer but found the words stuck in her throat, “I
don’t want you to snog me when you’ve just had your tongue down someone else's
throat!” She protested with a furious blush on her cheeks, “This is too
confusing, Padfoot, it’ll mess everything up—and it’s too soon after Lennox,
I—“
”Then next time you want a kiss, you’ll have to ask,” Sirius told her bluntly,
a layer of finality in his voice as he turned on his heel and left her alone in
the passageway to try and figure out what had just happened, and what
continuously seemed to be happening.
She buried her face in her hands and dropped back against the wall where she
sank to the floor with a resounding sigh. She needed time on her own, she
needed to just forget, forget everything that had happened the past week. She
wishes she could rewind and go back to the summer. It all seemed easier then.
Everything had felt normal. And now? She was standing up to Fenrir Greyback and
trying to justify why she had decided to forgive her ex-boyfriend who'd hit
her! Trying to determine if she wanted Sirius to snog her senseless or just
leave her alone and--
What had changed? What had gone wrong? Sirius was her best friend! Lennox had
just been a stupid fling—but now he’d both hurt her physically and was suddenly
trying to save her by curing her...’condition.’ Ren dropped her head against
her knees and did her best to try and relax. Deep breath, Ren, she told herself
gently, trying to remember what her mother had told her over the summer during
a panic attack. She'd woken in a cold sweat, hyperventilating in the middle of
the night just before a full moon. Each time the full moon came around she was
more likely to dream about Greyback and how he'd turned her. It was a memory
she could hardly remember, but her nightmares seemed to try and fill in the
blanks for her. Her breathing, which had been uneven and exhausting, slowly
found a calming rhythm. 
 
 
It wasn’t until she heard voices in the corridor that she realized she must
have drifted off. She gathered herself as best as she could before she slipped
out from behind the tapestry--and merlin, she wished she had waited an extra 5
minutes, as she found herself face to face with none other than Dolohov and
Mulciber, the more sadistic of the Slytherins in their year. She reached
instinctively for her wand without a second thought, but it wasn’t tucked into
her jeans where she’d left it.
”Looking for this?” Mulciber drawer lazily, his eyes lit with excitement as he
twirled her wand between his fingertips, “Fancy us, walking through the
corridor and coming across a finely made wand with no owner in sight—“
”Give it here, I don’t have time for this,” she snapped indignantly, doing her
best to hide her fear. If she had had her wand in her possession, it would've
been a different story, but here she was, wandless, facing the Slytherin who
had attacked Mary two years ago and his equally cruel sidekick. Renata had
still never gotten the full story of what had been done to Mary, though Alice
had told them all quietly a few months after it happened that Mary still woke
in the middle of the night crying.
Mulciber laughed callously and looked to Dolohov who was staring at her with a
hungry look in his eyes, “We don’t care what you have time for,” he says lowly
and steps forward too casually to be an uncalculated decision.
”Give me my fucking wand back,” Ren snarled, “And I’ll show you cowards what I
do have time for—“ she hisses dangerously, trying to sound far tougher than she
feels. Mulciber laughs and lunges at her while Dolohov watches carefully,
trying to determine where he might fit into this equation. She tries to dodge
him but his hand tangles in her hair and she's yanked sharply against his
chest.
”Such strong words for a wandless cunt—“ Dolohov mutters before he moves the
tapestry aside and waits for Mulciber to manhandle her into the passageway.
”Get off of me—“
But Mulciber presses against her, pinning her to the wall, “Shame you’re a
halfblood—“ he yanks her hair sharply and his teeth bite hard at her neck,
leaving a painful welt, "A pretty one--"
”No one will care what happens to a slag like you—" Dolohov insisted and stands
back to watch, his eyes raking over her as Mulciber tears the front of her
sweater and exposes her to the both of them. She struggles and tried to cover
herself, but Mulciber pins her hands above her head with one of his own. He's
just so much bigger than she is, so much stronger. She's no match for him, not
without a wand. Not when there's two of them.
”No—stop, please—" she starts, and continued to struggle with everything she
has as the pair of them begin to loosen the belts that hold their trousers in
place, “You can’t, you don’t want to do this—" Renata pleads desperately as a
hand yanks at her jeans and pulls them over her hips, leaving her half naked
and vulnerable, only her panties keeping her from being fully naked before
them.
The silencing charm hits her and she feels helpless as Mulciber shoves her hard
to the stone floor and straddles her thighs, and she's begging, desperation
etched plainly in every one of her features. They can't hear her and she's
crying but that only seems to spurn them on--
—one of their hands slips between her legs and she screams soundlessly, her
hands strike for the pair of eyes in front of her, but her wrists are bound
instantly and held above her head. She can’t tell the difference between the
hands that are pawing at her bare chest, doing nothing to be kind or gentle.
She can feel fingertip bruises already sinking into her hips and it must be
Mulciber who drops his full weight against her and positions himself, her
panties shoved aside—
Somehow, somewhere close she hears a familiar voice. Curfew must be starting
because it's Lily and the laughter that bubbles from her lips, the eyerolls
Renata imagines she's giving James as she rebuffs his advances to go on a date
for the millionth time. They must be doing their rounds, she realizes—time had
really gotten away from her earlier.
She feels sharp pain but is too focused on loosening her shoe and shifting the
bulk of it from her heal to her toe. There’s more pain, tearing her apart at
the core, but it’s nothing compared to a full moon—she struggles a bit more and
manages to gain a little room as she bends her leg at the knee and flings her
shoe as hard as she can towards the entrance where it drops with a surprisingly
loud thwack. He's still thrusting into her, grunting and breathing hard against
her neck, his teeth leaving as many marks behind as he can. 
She's barely with it, but she thinks she can hear James and Lily stop speaking,
imagines them listening closely just at the entrance—Mulciber and Dolohov seem
to panic because her hands are suddenly free, and she uses that moment to dig
her nails hard into whichever face is just above her. The bite of her nails
warrants a sharp shout and, suddenly, light is upon them as the tapestry is
yanked aside.
Everything the happens next is a blur. Both of the Slytherins are blown
backwards off of their feet, stunned into oblivion. Lily removes her robe and
drapes it tightly over Renata's shoulders, doing her best to cover her as she
shakes. Lily is saying something to her but she isn't able to wrap her head
around the words. They just--she was just...
Thinking it would make it real. It couldn't be real. This couldn't have
happened, not this. Not after the week she'd had. It just didn't make sense--
her life wasn't supposed to be like this. This complicated. This painful. What
had she done?
”J-James...go get Madam Pomfrey or Professor McGonogall—“ Lily says quietly,
her voice trembling.
”I can’t leave these two here alone with you both!” 
“They’re stunned!” Lily nearly shrieks, her fear and panic growing stronger as
Renata starts to come around from her shock.
”N-no! Don’t get anyone, I just—“ Renata tries to stand but her legs are weak,
her body feels broken. She is broken, she realizes, “I just want to go to bed—“
a sob escapes her and Lily pulls her in for a hug, holding Renata’s head to her
chest, distracting her long enough for James to take off at a sprint down the
corridor.
He decides to head to the Hospital Wing first, but sends Sir Cadogan on a
mission to summon Professor McGonogall—the Knight gallops gallantly from
portrait to portrait and he knows their Head of House will receive the message
faster than he would have gotten it to her. He sprints blindly around the
corner, just a stretch away from the hospital wing, and collides sharply with
thin air--
“Oi, watch where the fuck you—Prongs?” Suddenly, Sirius and Peter are there,
sprawled out on the floor, the cloak having fallen off the pair of them in the
collision. 
"How the bloody hell am I supposed to watch where I'm going when you fools are
invisible?" James snaps angrily, blindly reaching around him for his glasses.
He shoves them on, frustrated with the pair of them, and pushes himself to his
feet. He extends a hand to Sirius, who takes it gratefully and pulls Peter up
next to him a moment after, "What are you doing here?"
"We've been looking for Moony, o'course," Peter explains, "After she didn't
show up for dinner and wasn't in the Common Room--I was worried. Then this
idiot told me he screwed up and left her alone in--"
James turns on Sirius and, for the first time since fifth year, Sirius believes
James is actually going to punch him, "You fucking moron--" Sirius opens his
mouth angrily to defend himself, but James is shaking his head, "Peter, go get
Madam Pomfrey, we don't have time for this now. Bring her to the second floor
tapestry passageway," James commands with a firmness in his tone that leaves no
room for Pete to question him. Wormtail is off at a jog, no doubt understanding
the gravity of the situation.
"What happened, Prongs?" Sirius asks, his voice low.
"Mulciber and Dolohov--I think they..." James trails off yanks a hand through
his hair, "Let's just go, I left Lily alone with her," Sirius doesn't need to
be told twice as they both run in the direction James had just come from.
McGonogall isn't there yet, but Lily has managed to help Renata stand so she
can try and pull her jeans back on by the looks of it. James and Sirius both
avert their eyes as Lily shields Renata from them with her body. Sirius glances
up a moment later and is struck by the bruising around Renata's throat, the
cloak around her shoulder's slips, revealing her sweater, torn down the front.
James feels Sirius's magic, the signature is white hot--if it could scream he
was certain they'd all be deaf. Sirius yanks an unconscious Mulciber into the
corridor and finds that he doesn't have to go back for Dolohov, as James has
followed his lead. 
Sirius doesn't draw his wand, which confuses James at first, until Sirius pulls
back his leg and aims a sharp kick to Mulciber's ribs. Followed by another. And
another. There's a crunch of bone and James is certain the fools ribs are
broken. The pain of it, he figures, rouses Mulciber who screams his way back
into consciousness. Sirius grabs him by the front of his robes and yanks him up
with a strength unbeknownst to James, "You fucking pig. I'm. Going. To. Kill.
You," the hysteric rage seething from Sirius spurns something on in James, who
finally turns his attention to Dolohov. As Sirius's fist crunches satisfyingly
against Mulciber's nose, James's foot nails Dolohov straight in the groin. The
pair of them continue on, ignoring Lily as she shouts for them to stop, that
their violence isn't helping--
There's a shield between them all and the Slytherins a moment later as Madam
Pomfrey, Professor McGonogall, and Headmaster Dumbledore come swiftly into
sight, a breathless and panting Peter behind them.
McGonogall's voice is shrill, "What is the meaning of this--Black? Potter!
You're Head Boy, I would've expected--"
She is silenced at once, by the indescribable rage in the air and further
silenced as Madam Pomfrey moves towards Lily who is still cradling a broken
Renata. There is a second blow of magical rage around them, and James knows
it's Dumbledore. Dumbledore who is surveying the scene without words, silently
putting the pieces together. McGonogall realizes what's happened a beat after
Dumbledore has and, in a moment of shock, her hand is over her mouth, trying to
contain her horror. 
"Madam Pomfrey, if you would take Miss Lupin to the Hospital Wing. Professor
McGonogall, if you would transport Mr. Mulciber and Mr. Dolohov to Professor
Slughorn's office. I believe we must arrange transport to the Ministry pending
their immediate expulsion from Hogwarts."
"The Ministry?" James blurts curiously.
"Legal charges," Lily whispers in his direction. 
Sirius feels sick. How could this have happened? He'd been with Renata here
hours ago! 
I left her here.
James had been right to be furious with him. He never should have left her.
They'd talked about this after what had happened on the train. He should have
known better! If he hadn't been so selfish, so stupid...none of this would have
happened.
Madam Pomfrey has already led Renata away. McGonogall has bound and levitated
the Slytherins ahead of her, taking little care to mind their heads against
suits of armor or the castle wall.
"Would one of you care to explain what happened here?"
James opens his mouth to start but finds the words won't come. He feels sick.
Horrified, even, that he and Lily had almost walked past the tapestry without a
second thought because he was caught up flirting  with her. He holds the back
of his hand to his mouth like it might stave off the sudden urge he has to sick
up all over the floor. When he opens his mouth again, Lily has rested a hand on
his arms and speaks for him instead.
"We were just starting our rounds, Headmaster. As we passed the tapestry we
heard a noise and...when we pulled it aside we saw them," she hesitates as her
eyes flick to Sirius who is watching her so intensely she feels like she might
shatter under his gaze, "He--Mulciber was on top of her and...Dolohov had her
hands pinned above her head. He...Mulciber, he--" it was Lily's turn to falter.
"He raped her," James finished, his voice hardly louder than a whisper.
Dumbledore is quiet for a few moments, "Under the circumstances, I can
understand why you, Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, found it...ah, necessary to subdue
both boys," the look on Dumbledore's face tells Sirius that the Headmaster is
well aware of what just transpired. It also tells Sirius that he doesn't much
care what happened to the Slytherins at this point.
"Headmaster, what's going to happen?" Lily asks quietly, her voice sounds so
fragile, James think she might start crying. He shares the sentiment. He can't
imagine what Renata must be going through--what she must be thinking and
feeling. He feels sick. Sick and angry. Sirius's silent rage concerns him.
James hasn't seen Sirius like this since...well, the incident with Lennox,
probably. But before then he'd only seen it when he'd been officially blown off
the Black family tree and Regulus had walked past him during fifth year and
acted as if he didn't exist.
"It will be up to Miss Lupin if she decides to press formal charges, but both
will be expelled from Hogwarts and in Ministry custody effective immediately.
Sexual assault is intolerable while I am Headmaster," Dumbledore surveys each
of them carefully, "Miss Lupin will no doubt be in the Hospital Wing for the
rest of the night. Why don't the four of you--" Sirius realizes then that Peter
has been standing there the entire time, "--head back to Gryffindor tower. And
mayhaps it would be best to keep this incident to yourselves until Miss Lupin
makes her decisions."
"Of course, Headmaster," Lily agrees quietly before the Headmaster takes off in
the direction of the Hospital Wing, where he no doubt means to stay as a
support for Renata. The four of them are about to take the passageway up, but
the moment they enter, Sirius's eyes fall on Renata's undergarments which had
clearly been torn off and left behind, "Oh--" Lily whispers, her hand
immediately gripping James's, who raises his wand arm and vanishes them.
 
 
Once the Marauders, minus Renata, are in their dorm, huddled on James’s bed
with a privacy charm cast around them, Sirius knows he’s going to get an
earful. He deserves it. He knows that.
”We said we’d keep an eye on her after the mess on the train. We all agreed it
put a target on her back—“
”I know, Prongs—“
”So why in the fuck was she alone—missing, even?” James snaps, causing Sirius’s
lip to curl defensively.
”And where were the pair of you when she showed up crying at the greenhouses?”
He hissed back, concealing his guilt.
James and Peter’s eyebrows furrowed as they exchanged a look. Clearly they
hadn’t had any idea either, “I’m not saying it’s your fault, Padfoot, I’m just
saying we all have to be more diligent. I can’t imagine this will be the last
time something awful happens,” James says quietly, clearly crestfallen.
”Not if I can help it,” Sirius muttered as a finality before he moved to his
own four poster and drew the curtain tightly around for privacy. 
He’d already sent a letter to Regulus to request a meeting. When it came to his
friends, his real family, he’d set aside their differences in order to get
information. Sirius knew he couldn’t entirely trust Regulus, but he’d always
been able to get a good read on him and it had become apparent that Reg, among
other Slytherins, has been paying closer attention to Renata after the incident
on the train—and he was going to find out if that was a direct order from
someone, or if it just so happened that every darkly inclined Slytherin seemed
to have taken intense interest in her.
They were set to meet around midnight, Regulus had prefect duty and Sirius
would use the invisibility cloak.
He lay awake, ignoring James and Peter’s attempts to try and engage him in
lighter conversation, ignoring them until they seemed to have fallen asleep.
Sirius hadn’t told them his plan, as far as he was concerned, they didn’t need
to know. It was his broth—Regulus. It was Regulus, the pair of them had never
bothered with him before.
They met in an empty classroom, Sirius noted that his brother was a few minutes
late, no doubt to spite him and prove that he was no longer worth of Pureblood
posterity and punctuality. He was leaning most of his weight against the desk
at the front of the room, doing his best not to acknowledge each second that
ticked by. 
Regulus appeared soundlessly and shut the door behind him before he crossed the
room and mirrored Sirius's position at the desk opposite him.
”You’re late,” Sirius pointed out deftly, because he knew that Regulus would
want him to notice.
”You’re lucky I came at all. You’d be remiss to think you’re worth my time,”
Regulus is cold, cold and trying so hard to be careless, but Sirius can see
that look in his eyes. He still holds it against him for leaving. For not
conforming and letting the burden of their parents fall on him alone.
”Let me get to the point then,” Sirius says, refusing to engage in the back and
forth hatred between them, “I’ve seen you lot, following her, watching her. It
ends now, Regulus.”
”Hm. Watching who?”
”Don’t toy with me, you know who. You’re lucky Mulciber and Dolohov aren’t
deadfor what they did tonight,” his voice is slightly raised, and so venomous
he knows he sounds something like Orion, but he can’t let himself think like
that or it will make him worse, “I don’t know who told you to keep an eye on
her, but if it doesn’t stop, you’ll all be very sorry.”
”Is that a threat, brother?”
They both freeze at Regulus’s words, the other realizes he’s misspoken, but
Sirius grants him a courtesy and doesn’t address it. They aren’t brothers
anymore, “It’s a promise, Regulus. Leave Renata alone.”
”I was wondering when it would happen,” Regulus sighs, his mannerisms are
mocking and Sirius can’t help but take the bait.
”When what would happen?”
”When you’d finally realize you’re fallomg for the half-breed.”
”What did you just say?”
”You’re falling for the halfblood.”
”I don’t know what you think you know, Regulus, but you're going to want to be
very careful how you speak about her. I’ve said my piece.”
Sirius walks away from him at that, but as he passes Regulus grips his arm and
Sirius jerks away from him as if he’s been burnt, “Fenrir Greyback has taken an
interest. No, an obsession. You’re going to want to be careful.”
”Is that a threat?”
”No. It’s a warning.”
And it’s Regulus’s turn to leave him then, Sirius doesn’t stop him. This is
over, they both know it is. 
As he makes his way back to Gryffindor tower, he can’t help but think of the
warning in Regulus's eyes. Something terrible is coming, he can feel it, he
knows Regulus must know something he cannot share.
But in his own way he had just tried to help and Sirius wonders painfully if
there’s still hope yet for his brother.
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