Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/12056262.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M, Multi
  Fandom:
      Adam_Lambert_(Musician), Glam_Rock_RPF
  Relationship:
      Adam_Lambert/Tommy_Ratliff, Anoop_Desai/Megan_Joy
  Character:
      Adam_Lambert, Tommy_Ratliff, Brad_Bell, Anoop_Desai, Megan_Joy, Kris
      Allen, Alisan_Porter
  Additional Tags:
      High_School_AU, 80's, Violence, First_Love, Sexual_Tension, Medical
      Conditions, Cussing, Anger
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-09-11 Updated: 2018-02-18 Chapters: 12/? Words: 53994
****** We Dance To the Sound of Sirens ******
by i_amthecosmos
Summary
     Summary: It’s 1986 and Tommy Ratliff is a hardcore punk troublemaker.
     He starts bands, starts fights and doesn’t need anyone. That is,
     until he meets a boy in the drama department who makes him look at
     himself differently. That’s right, it’s the dreaded high school au,
     but with an 80’s twist.
Notes
     Okay, I'm putting it up now. I've been putting this off forever, but
     the first chapter is coming up. I heard the punk-pop version of "Boys
     of Summer" on the radio yesterday and decided it was a sign. This is
     my huge, sprawling Adam/Tommy story that was born when I wanted to
     write a story inspired by the Bloc Party song "Ares". I'll be putting
     this up it bits and drabs. Thanks guys.
***** Chapter One *****
War, war, war, war/I want to declare a war
It was a hundred degrees inside the club, a ramshackle building made of
concrete with
graffiti slogans all over the wall behind the stage. It used to be an all-ages
disco, then the owner gave it to his cousin, who made it an all-ages punk spot,
and also let the a/c die. Tommy had three PBR's and some of a bottle of Jack
they were passing around in Jimmy’s car on the way over. Him and his friends
(assholes) had listened to Stick It In to pump themselves up, coming through
loud on the on-its-last-legs cassette player in Jimmy’s 1978 Chevy Malibu. When
then finally made it he was late and buzzed and it had already started. Black
Flag were on stage, Greg Ginn on the side, not looking at the audience while he
played. Kira Rossler was on the other side, head down and frowning and Tommy
wouldn’t have known she was a girl by looking at her. And in the middle, Henry
Rollings was screaming his brains out as the audience thronged in front of him.
Tommy took off his spiked leather jacket, gave it to his girl (Mallisa, she had
come with them), and ran right into the maelstrom. Immediately he was pushed
and shoved from all sides, and he pushed back, loving it, already smiling. He
couldn’t help it, he loved this, the violence and the sweaty slide of bodies.
It was all guys, nearly, with just a few girls hanging around the back, holding
their boyfriend’s leather. (There was one tough bitch on the scene, though:
Carla Rossi, who could kick the ass of guys twice her size and Tommy had seen
her do it. He’d gotten ice for her knuckles and given her some of his whiskey
many times, admiring her lack of ability to take any shit.)
Tommy pushed up against Jack Demon, a fucking weirdo who had this combo
hardcore/glitter rock band, which shouldn’t have gone together but did. Jack
pushed him back, and they played off each other for a while before some
fuckhead with his elbows up got Jack in the side of the head. Tommy got to the
fuckhead first, breaking his nose with one well-aimed punch, and the place
exploded. The main thing he remembered from the riot was Rollins punching some
kid for getting too near the equipment, while Greg and Kira grabbed as much of
it as they could.
Five minutes later, Tommy was running like fuck as sirens started coming from
over down the street. Jimmy had already left, the pussy. Tommy dodged another
punch and grabbed his jacket from Mallisa, her “Hey!” fading in the background
as he ran through the back alleys. Behind him, the club was a mess of broken
tables and chairs, the front window was broken, and Black Flag were waiting
with their arms crossed for the cops. Tommy thought about the stoic faces they
had when the riot started, and hoped they still got paid.
He ran until he found the house of a friend, Brent, and pounded on the basement
door. Brent answered after a bit, looking tired and a little stoned. “What?”
“Let me in, motherfucker, the cops are out” was all Tommy had to say, and then
he was in Brent’s basement. Within five minutes they were sharing a bong and
watching Carnival of Souls on a tiny tv with the sound off. Brent got out his
walkman-Ministry, of course, the goth fuck-and they shared the earphones,
watching the girl who didn’t know she was dead being stalked by the inhabitants
of the abandoned carnival. Brent taped his knuckles, put a bandage on the
little cut he had gotten on his forehead from a flying broken bottle, and they
both went to sleep in his fold-out bed. Tommy even felt a little kiss on his
forehead, and he smirked right before he passed out.
Tommy woke up hungover and with his hand swollen, blood seeping out between the
tape. Fuck, he needed to play tonight. Brent was still curled around him, and
Tommy had to gently get up without waking him or pushing against his sleep
hard-on. Brent was gay, they all knew Brent was gay-he was a goth, for one
thing, despite having hardcore friends. It was sort of agreed among Tommy’s
crew that anyone who fucked with Brent about it got a free baseball bat to the
midsection. It’s not that they cared one way or another, but Brent was one of
theirs-he didn’t have many little vampire fucks to hang out with, so yeah, fuck
anyone who gave him shit.
“Whrhg,” Tommy said, looking for some pain pills in Brent’s stash. He wouldn’t
care as long as Tommy left an IOU, he never did. Tommy took two, washed them
down with a mini bottle of Jack, and left Brent a nice note thanking him for
the place to crash and the pills.
See, he was a polite motherfucker.
Tommy made it to class in time for third period math. The whole class turned to
watch Tommy stagger in, blood congealed around his knuckles. One of the prep
girls huffed and Tommy just stared at her. Before her stupid jock boyfriend got
up to defend her honor Mrs. Grayson had Tommy out of her class and down to see
the guidance counselor.
Tommy sat in her office waiting room for a few minutes, poking at the bloody
knuckles on his right hand. He could hear a high-pitched voice in the office
with Mrs. Haden, and he couldn’t understand the words, but the fear and
frustration came right through. He felt a twinge of sympathy for whoever it
was.
Then the door opened, and Tommy looked up to see a tall, fat kid with red hair,
freckles, and really pretty eyes. The guy stared at him like he was expecting
Tommy to give him shit. That kind of pissed Tommy off-he was a punk, so he was
supposed to hate everyone, which made him really did want to hate everyone-but
he just nodded at the guy. “Hey.”
“Hey,” the guy said back, his voice soft and unsure. Tommy didn’t entirely get
it-the fucker was almost twice his height. If anyone went after him he could’ve
handled it easily. They just looked at each other a minute, Tommy with
curiosity and openness, and the other guy-oh. Tommy got it, he didn’t get a
chance to look much. Tommy held his gaze and before he thought about it, pushed
his legs apart a little more. The other boy swallowed, Tommy blinked at him-and
then Mrs. Haden was in the doorway. “Tommy, what are you doing? Adam, you can
go to your next class now. Tommy, get in here.” The other boy-Adam-blushed
furiously and ducked his head. He was gone before Tommy could even tell him
‘bye’. He slouched into Mrs. Haden’s office, her already bitching ninety to
nothing.
Tommy came to somewhere in the middle of Mrs. Haden’s rant right about the time
she said that he was going to be forced to take some sort of elective. “Because
you need an outlet for your energy that isn’t getting into fights or playing
clubs that turn into riots.” Tommy blinked, then looked at her. He held her
gaze for a minute, and she squirmed under his look. He had to smile inside-he
wasn’t even mad, she was just intimidated because he was a fucking dirty-ass
punk. It was almost too easy. He dropped the eye contact long enough for her to
get her breath, then returned it again.
“What elective?”
She seemed stunned that he wasn’t arguing with her over this, but then
collected herself. “You can choose between theater, marching band, or debate.
Art classes are all full.” Well that sucks, Tommy thought, and looked over the
sheet she handed him with the times for classes. Marching band would require a
uniform and going to football games-that was out. Debate-he loved a good
pissing match, but he wasn’t that good with his words, and he would rather
watch them than join them. He looked again, and then gave the sheet back to
Mrs. Haden.
“Sign me up for theater. Maybe they’ll have a musical that needs some guitar.”
She blinked at him in surprise and he smiled, one corner curling up. “Like you
said, an outlet. Plus, it might be fun.”
“Tommy, I don’t want you taking this to get into fights with the theater kids-“
Tommy shoved forward in his seat.
“Theater kids are the last people I want to fight with, okay? They get shit
from jocks same as me, and they don’t fight back. I don’t fight people who
can’t defend themselves.” He just stared at her, because seriously? Is that
what she thought? “I like performances, remember? I’m not scared of musicals.”
Or being considered a queer for liking them, he added in his head. “Just sign
me up, and I’ll be there for the next rehearsal. I’ll do props or something.”
She took the paper without any more comments, and Tommy was on for rehearsal at
six. Tommy didn’t even know what the play was and frankly didn’t care. Whatever
it was would be fun-shit, he was gonna miss band practice. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
God, everyone was gonna be pissed.
When school finally let out, he flagged down this girl he knew. “Lisa! Can ya
give me a ride home? I’ll buy you fries if you take me home, baby.”
Lisa looked over at him, her asymmetrical haircut swinging over one eye.
“Anytime, my darling. Get in the car. Hey, I got another copy of Re-Animator,
want to watch it?” Lisa’s mom somehow had a problem with a horror movie
involving a severed head giving head, and had trashed the last one. Lisa had
since learned to hide her horror stash a bit better.
“I would love to babe, but I have to get home. I gotta tell the band I can’t
make it.”
“Fuck, what happened?” Lisa came over and gave him an a-frame style hug, and
then rubbed over his wrist. “Wow, you fucked up that hand pretty good. I hope
he deserved it.”
“He totally did. I have to miss it because I have to take an elective. I’m a
theater geek now.” He grinned as Lisa dropped his hand and started laughing. He
started laughing too because it was okay, Lisa could do that. She wasn’t mean.
Then she squeezed his shoulder and they got in her Chevy, Lisa putting the
radio on the local college station.
As they ate their fries and shared a chicken sandwich in the car, Tommy told
her everything, and mentioned the boy in the office before him. “Yeah, he’s
really shy, chubby but not bad looking. And I don’t know, we just kind of
stared at each other.” He blushed a little-if most of his guy friends heard
this he’d totally deny it, but he was pretty sure Lisa played for the other
team. “I think his name was Adam or something.” Tommy was totally bullshitting
right now-he knew goddamn well the kid’s name was Adam.
“Wait, his name is Adam? Shit, you’re gonna see a lot of him now.” Tommy just
raised an eyebrow as she stuck a fry in some mayonnaise (and seriously, what
the fuck was up with that). “He’s like, king of the theater department. He’s an
amazing singer. I saw him perform in a college theater production-they just had
him come in and sing show tunes. He fucking rocked them.”
“He can sing?” This got Tommy, well, kind of interested. He was a little punk
fucker, but he loved music and people who made it well. Take Lisa-she pinch-
hitted for horrible New Wave and dance bands, playing keyboards, but she was
awesome on them.
“He can sing his ass off. He’s unbelievable for someone our age. Fuck, we gotta
get you home, babe.” Lisa handed him the rest of the food and started the car
back up, shoving a Misfits tape in the player.
“You know the rules, drop me off at Fifth and Whitman.” Tommy nibbled some of
the fries. Fuck, they were going cold.
Lisa pulled her hair out of her eyes, the wind blowing it around from the open
window. “You know, this whole thing you have about nobody ever seeing where you
live just makes you hotter, baby.” Tommy laughed hard at that.
Tommy got home a little before four, walking the last four blocks. He looked at
the house and shook his head before going in. He phoned the lead singer of his
band and had a fifteen-minute argument that ending in him telling Chad that he
could suck his mom’s dick and then quit the band. That was his fifth band this
year. Oh well.
He put his bookbag in his room, fixed his hair, and left the house, jacket over
his shoulder to walk back to school. Time to see how this drama experiment
worked out. He went down the porch stairs and around the corner. The house was
undisturbed.
***** Chapter Two *****
Chapter Summary
     Tommy joins the drama club.
Chapter Notes
     Sorry I didn't get this up sooner, I had a dental emergency. Thanks
     to everyone who reads this.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
To create or to destroy/Many gods and goddesses-“Ares”, by Bloc Party
Tommy didn’t walk all the way back to the school, although it was a close
fucking thing. He walked about two miles, then stood at the bus stop in front
of the Church of Scientology. He smoked two cigarettes and listened to half of
his Descendants tape before the bus showed up. He threw his last butt into the
bushes, hoping it caught that fucking stupid “church’s” bushes on fire.
The bus driver glared at him, but Tommy didn’t even flinch. He was used to not
giving a shit what his appearance caused.
When he finally got to the small theater their school had, he leaned in the
doorway for a minute, watching. There was a group of about a dozen kids goofing
around and talking. He knew a few of them by sight, but he kept looking until
he saw Adam. And fuck, he looked so different now, relaxed and laughing with a
group of girls around him. It was-it was just really interesting. Tommy moved
away from the door and got out the paper that Mrs. Haden had given him. He had
to look really hard, but he finally figured out that the tiny woman with brown
hair was a teacher. “Hi. I’m taking drama as an elective now.” He handed her
the paper without any other comment, as the rest of the kids suddenly went
quiet.
The teacher looked at his paper. “Oh. This is unusual to start a month into the
school year, but I see it’s a-special circumstance. All right. Tommy is it?” He
nodded at her, ignoring everyone else for now. “Hi, I’m Miss Abdul, but call me
Paula. Class, this is Tommy Ratliff.”
“We see.” Tommy turned toward the stage, where a tiny boy who had brown hair
and was wearing a pair of goddamn tights was sitting with a group of his
friends. Then he studiously turned away and ignored him. Everyone else pretty
much did the same, except for Adam, how had stopped talking to his friends and
was staring. Tommy met his eyes and Adam blushed and looked away. Tommy looked
over at the teacher, but she was going over a script or something and didn’t
see him.
Okay, fine. Tommy didn’t expect a warm fucking welcome anyway. He just took a
seat in the audience area, and took a look at his fellow drama geeks. There was
a pretty blond girl wearing some sort of asymmetrical dress standing next to a
preppy Indian guy in an argyle sweater. Fuck, this crowd had some style issues.
Next to the boy in tights was a short guy who looked like he could take over
Michael J. Fox’s career. Tommy didn’t have much use for adorable, but that’s
what this fucker was. The guy in the tights kept flirting with him to make him
blush, which was funny. But that kid looked like butter wouldn’t melt in his
mouth. Tommy always hated that. Perfection was so fucking boring.
Tommy considered turning his Walkman back on, but then Paula got out of her
paperwork trance and said “Okay, we need to go over the songs we’re doing for
the review. Anoop, you go first, you and Megan.” Tommy watched as the blond in
the dress and Doc fucking Martins, (really, nothing was sacred) and the uptight
looking preppy guy got up. The music started from a little boombox and they
began singing.
“Anything you can do I can do better/I can do anything better than you.” Tommy
was ready to crawl under his fucking seat in five seconds. This had to be the
worst song ever written by mankind for anyone to sing. Suddenly it didn’t
matter if they were the biggest assholes in the world, Tommy felt sorry for
them for having to sing this in public.
But, as they kept rehearsing, he realized that they played off each other well.
And they were both goofy fuckers, especially the girl. Paula had to keep
reminding them they were supposed to be mad, because they kept making each
other smile. He had to admit they were at least having fun, although he was
praying to a whole bunch of gods he didn’t believe in for the pain to end soon.
When it finally did, he waited around while the teacher gave them a pep talk
and then the Michael J. Fox guy came up. He brought an acoustic guitar with him
and started singing “Moon River”. Tommy would never put this song in his top
ten, but at least it didn’t make his ears bleed. And he was good. Of course he
was good, he couldn’t have hoped for him to be off key or something, fuck. Not
only was he good, he was fucking winsome. Tommy was sure this asshole had no
problem getting dates-anybody’s mom would love him. When he was done, he
actually had the balls to look surprised when everyone clapped. “Good job,
Kris!” Adam yelled, and Tommy almost growled.
Great, he’d been here a half-hour and he had already found someone to hate just
for existing. Tommy was supposed to be trying to be better than that.
Then the dancers got up and did their thing, including Tights Boy. It was all
big Broadway numbers and Tommy would have fallen asleep except that the pain
pills had long ago worn off and his hand was doing that familiar ache. Tommy
gritted his teeth and wished he had brought some Jack.
Tommy was about to search his jacket pockets for Lortabs when Paula said “Okay
Adam. It’s your turn sweetie.” Tommy slid up in his seat, wanting to see. Was
he really as good as Lisa said he was? He hoped so.
Adam got up, looking shy and unsure until the minute he got in front of the mic
and his music started to play. Adam straightened up, looked ahead and started
to sing. “Once I had a secret love. That lived within the heart of me. All too
soon my secret love grew impatient to be free…” Two stanzas into it and Tommy
was fucking blown away. He leaned forward, on the seat in front of him, and
rested his head on his good hand. He had to get closer to this, this fucking
amazing force of nature. Adam-he wasn’t just hitting notes, he was bringing the
emotion of the song to the surface. He thought about the shy, scared, closeted
boy he had seen a few hours ago, and now he was looking at someone else.
 
Adam had thrown back his head and closed his eyes as he started to sing the
last parts. He looked so fucking gorgeous, and Tommy wondered if that was how
he looked when he was coming as he started hitting these glory notes.“Now I
shout it from the highest hills, even told the golden daffodils. At last, my
heart’s an open door. And my secret love’s no secret anymore.” Oh fuck, Tommy
thought, really hearing the last lyrics and realizing how spot fucking on they
were for Adam. A surge of something, empathy or fuck, real caring, Tommy didn’t
fucking know anymore, pushed at his ribcage as Adam finished the song and came
out of his trance. In a second, he was back to the shy, self-conscious Adam,
and he shook his head when Paula jumped up and actually fucking applauded with
the class. He looked at Tommy for just a second, and hell, he must have seen
the overwhelmed look on Tommy’s face because he just mouthed “thank you” at
him. Tommy nodded back, his face breaking into a small smile.
Tommy must have been sitting there like an idiot for a while, because then
official rehearsal had been broken up, and oh fuck, Tights Boy was headed this
way. Tommy shoved himself back in his chair, trying to wipe all expression off
his face.
Tights Boy didn’t waste any time. “Why are you here?” Behind him, Megan and
Anoop were looking at him as if he was going to go radioactive any minute now.
He decided what the hell, tell them the truth.
“I was told to pick an elective or risk getting kicked out of school. That
would’ve been my third expulsion since ninth grade, so I decided theater would
be nice. What’s your name?” He kept his eyes on Tights Boy, not the rest, but
Megan answered first.
“Aren’t you that psycho that destroyed the Zero Sum last night? Black Flag
almost got arrested, the club has a couple of thousand dollars in damage. It’s
awful, they just wanted to play.” Tommy knew she was right, so he couldn’t deny
it.
“It was kind of a team effort, but yeah, it might be my fault. I was trying to
defend a friend, and it got out of hand.” Megan looked down and saw the dried
blood on Tommy’s hand for the first time. He eyes widened and leaned closer to
Anoop, who looked like he wouldn’t mind busting his knuckles on Tommy.
Tommy stood up, and they all took a step back. “Everybody just relax. I don’t
have any intention of getting into trouble, at least not here. I just wanted to
see if there was something I could do. Paint sets, do props, just fucking
something.”
Tights Boy kept looking at him. “Do you sing?”
“No. I play guitar and bass though.”
He waved his hand dismissively. “We might make use of that later. I take it you
don’t dance? You don’t really look like a dancer.”
Tommy didn’t take any offense to that. “Nope, too clumsy and all I can do is
the HB Strut anyway.” Megan looked like she was going to ask what that was, but
Anoop shushed her with a look. Fuck, this girl needed a new boyfriend.
“So what do you do? Have you ever acted in your life? Come on, you have to give
us something. Even if you’re doing sets, we might need an understudy.”
Tommy scratched his head with his good hand. “I know I could. I can perform,
it’s something I’m fucking good at, okay?” Tights Boy just raised an eyebrow at
him.
“Okay, fine. Get on stage and prove it.” Paula had just belatedly realized what
was going on and made some sort of noise, but Tights just waved her off. “No,
he wants to be in theater, he’s going to show us what he’s got.” He got Tommy’s
good hand and walked him to the center of the stage. “Say something. Recite
something, do a soliloquy, poetry, we don’t give a fuck. But do something.”
Tommy looked over at him, then at Adam, who was watching the whole thing in
stunned fascination. That little fucker Kris looked mildly amused, which was
enough to get Tommy going. Fuck yeah, he was going to show them something, all
right. He took a deep breath, and let the poem come to him.
“Off Highway 106
At Cherrylog Road I entered
The ’34 Ford without wheels,
Smothered in kudzu,
With a seat pulled out to run
Corn whiskey down from the hills,”…Tommy had to pause sometimes between stanzas
but he stood firm and looked toward the front, reciting his favorite poem. He
didn’t look around at the others, but could feel their eyes on him, as he kept
telling the story of a bad boy stealing auto parts and fucking farmer’s
daughters. He tipped his head back a little for the last part.
“We left by separate doors
Into the changed, other bodies
Of cars, she down Cherrylog Road
And I to my motorcycle
Parked like the soul of the junkyard
Restored, a bicycle fleshed
With power, and tore off
Up Highway 106, continually
Drunk on the wind in my mouth,
Wringing the handlebar for speed,
Wild to be wreckage forever.”
When he was finished, the room was silent for a few seconds, then Miss Abdul
hooted. “Very good Tommy! That was an excellent poetry recital, we won’t have
any trouble putting you in dramatic roles!” Tommy had to grin, she was pretty
fucking enthusiastic.
When he looked to the side, Anoop was staring at him. “You memorized a poem,
and I know we haven’t had that in class recently.” Tommy just shrugged. “What
the fuck?” Anoop actually looked a little angry that his assumptions about
Tommy just might be wrong.
Again, Tommy shrugged. “Why is that so hard? I like music and art. Why wouldn’t
I know a few poems?” He was really asking too, because motherfucker, didn’t
anyone read anymore? He turned to face Anoop a little closer. “So, I hope you
guys have non-musicals occasionally, because otherwise I won’t have much to
do.” Anoop was about to answer, and it looked like he was leaving his asshole
attitude aside for another time, when Tights Boy came back.
“Oh no, we are not done here. You might be able to speak pretty, but are you
ready to be one of us theater bitches? Let’s see.” And then Tights Boy was
grabbing his shoulders and kissing him. Tommy almost laughed into it, because
really? This was hazing? He put his good hand on the small of the boy’s back
and opened his mouth to it, deepening the kiss while holding the boy in place.
He kept Tights Boy there a good 30 seconds, hearing some of the others laugh in
astonishment, and then he let him go.
Tights Boy was actually stunned speechless for about ten seconds, and then he
started bouncing on his toes and laughing. “I got kissed by a straight boy! All
you bitches are jealous.” Then he took a step closer to Tommy. “I’m Brad.”
“Hi Brad. Any other rituals I need to know about, or is that most of them?” He
was smiling just a little, but not at Brad. He was looking just behind him, to
where Adam was standing. Tommy held his eyes just for a second while he wiped
his mouth. Adam turned red again and moved back a little.
Why was he fucking with Adam? He didn’t really know. He turned his attention
back to Brad.
“Oh no honey, I think you’ll do just fine-holy shit, look at your hand.” Tommy
looked, and fuck-it had swelled even more than the last time he looked at it.
It was also turning sort of purplish-black, and yeah, that wasn’t too sexy.
“Um, anyone get me a first-aid kid, a razor blade and some hydrogen peroxide
and I’ll take care of this in the bathroom.” Paula took a couple of the younger
kids to look for the stuff, while Brad, Megan and Anoop all backed away to a
corner of the stage.
Tommy moved closer to Adam. “Hi. You did great.”
“Huh? Oh. Yeah, thanks.” Adam was smiling, but looked embarrassed.
“Really, I’d never heard that song before. It was really good, the way you did
it.” Tommy looked back at his hand. “God, I hope I didn’t break another bone.”
Adam looked at Tommy’s hand, then up to his face. “Can I?” He was so gentle as
he took Tommy’s fucked up hand and looked at it carefully. Tommy held back his
reaction to Adam’s long, soft fingers touching his sensitive skin. “Can you
move it? If it won’t move, we might have to take you to the emergency room.”
Tommy nodded and slowly moved his hand, once, twice. Tommy was fucking used to
not showing any reaction when this happened, but it hurt like a bitch. “I think
I can fix it. If it’s worse tomorrow, I’ll go to a doctor.” Adam looked up at
him with this fucking mom expression, which really, they didn’t know each other
well enough for that. “I promise, okay?”
“Okay. You really never have heard that song? It’s a standard. Doris Day sang
it.” Adam looked over at Tommy and then grimaced. “Okay, that’s probably not
your thing.”
“Probably not, no.” Tommy said, one side of his mouth quirking up. Adam not
only smiled back, but giggled, and when Paula came back with the first aid kit,
Adam still had Tommy’s hand in his. Adam let go when he saw them coming, but
didn’t stop smiling.
Paula was there with the kit and going a mile a minute, but Tommy interrupted.
“No really, I know what to do. Just let me have that stuff and I’ll fix it
myself. I might need someone to help me wrap it, but they probably don’t want
to watch.”
“What are you going to do?” Megan said, looking at his hand with more interest
than disgust. Huh. Anoop was back to looking like he wanted to bodily throw
Tommy out of the room.
Tommy held his hand out. “Look, there’s pus coming out right here, and it
shouldn’t be doing that so fast. I must have had another infection. So, I’m
gonna cut this with the razor blade, drain it, then wrap it back up.” He
watched everyone recoil and then smiled. “Anyone with me?”
“I’ll go with you,” Adam said in his soft, shy voice. Tommy looked over at him
and smiled. Everyone else gave them plenty of room as they left. When they were
out of earshot of everyone else, Adam said “Are you really going to cut it?”
“Yep. I have my lighter in my pocket, I’ll just burn the razor a little to
sterilize it. I’ve done it before.” And it hurt like a bastard every time, he
thought. But he wasn’t going to say anything about that now. Adam showed him
where the grimy little bathroom was. “They don’t clean much down here in the
arts department, do they?”
Adam giggled, which came to a stop when he saw Tommy lay everything out and
handed him the razor blade. “You hold on to this for me, I’m only working with
one hand,” Tommy said, pouring some of the peroxide over his hand to clean the
surface. It sizzled and fizzed around the open parts of his skin. Adam
swallowed as Tommy got out his Zippo. Adam stood perfectly still as Tommy stood
in front of him, heating up the edge of the razor just enough to hopefully kill
some germs. Tommy flicked his lighter off. “Okay, from this point on you don’t
have to look,” Tommy said as Adam handed him the razor and gave him a little
space.
Tommy looked at his hand until he found the place that seemed the most swollen
and nasty looking. He knew from experience that thinking about doing this was a
bad idea, so he held his hand over the sink and cut into the puffy area over
his middle knuckle. A spurt of green pus hit the sink first, then a steady drip
of blood. Tommy twitched a little-it always smelled like dead rats. At least it
looked cool, at times like this he was proud to be a gorehound. Blood, even his
own, wasn’t so bad. He poked the wound with the razor again, to see if there
was any more, but after a bit he just grabbed the peroxide again and poured it
over, holding his breath as it flowed into the wound and made his whole hand
feel like he’d stuck it in a fire. “Fuck, that fucking stings.”
A little whimper from the corner made Tommy turn his head. Fuck, Adam was going
a little green around the edges. “Holy shit,” he said softly, and then ran into
a bathroom stall.
Tommy just wrapped while Adam puked-he didn’t think dripping blood everywhere
would help Adam right then. When the wound was finally taped shut, Adam was
just coming out, wiping his mouth. “I’m sorry,” Adam said, looking miserable.
“I thought I could handle it.”
Shit. Adam had thought it was some kind of test. “Dude, you did fine, I’ve had
big motherfuckers covered in tattoos scream like girls when I did that.” Adam
grinned at him, which made Tommy want to smile too, it was so pretty. “See,
it’ll be better now. “
“Good. Doesn’t that hurt, though? How can you do that?” Tommy knew that Adam
wasn’t just asking about the homemade surgery, but how he could keep doing the
same shit knowing he was going to get hurt.
“It hurts like a motherfucker. But it’s not a big deal. It’s a skin injury and
a light infection, it’s fucking nothing. And I wasn’t going to let anyone think
they can elbow my friend in the head and not get their ass kicked.” Tommy was
ninety-five percent sure that it had been intentional-a lot of people didn’t
like Jack for the makeup and dresses he wore onstage.
Adam ducked his head for a minute. “Everyone says you fight just to fight.”
Tommy knew that, and he knew a lot of other stuff said about him. He’d been
accused of everything except the Manson murders by now. He was being blamed for
stuff that happened months before he’d gotten to this shithole school. Tommy
moved a little closer to Adam.
“I do violent shit sometimes. I like to slam dance, get bruises in the pit,
I’ve destroyed property, I’ve done a lot of stupid shit. But I don’t fight
unless someone goes after a friend or I’m defending myself. I’m not a fucking
bully, I hate those.” He held Adam’s eyes with his again, and suddenly the room
felt too close. He could tell Adam felt it too, as his eyes changed color-and
fuck, he could do that!- darkening to gray. They were alone in an obscure
bathroom, nobody would find out if Tommy leaned in-
Kris stuck his head in the door then. “Hey, ya’ll ready to go? It’s time to
head for Dave’s Pizza.” Tommy added this to his list of reasons why he wanted
Kris Allen to get into a horrible car accident on the way home, and stepped
back, looking at Adam. Adam was leaning against the wall, trying to catch his
breath.
“Adam? Wanna give me a ride to Dave’s?”
Tommy didn’t have to wait more than a second for Adam to say yes.
Chapter End Notes
     Referenced songs and poems: “Anything You Can Do”, from Annie Get
     Your Gun, by Irving Berlin
     “Moon River”, from Breakfast At Tiffany’s by Henry Mancini and Johnny
     Mercer.
     “Secret Love”, from Calamity Jane, Sammy Fain and Paul Francis
     Webster
     “Cherrylog Road”, by James L. Dickey
***** Chapter Three *****
Chapter Summary
     Tommy and Adam get to spend more time together, but Tommy is
     difficult to get to know.
Chapter Notes
     Sorry, it's been quite a week. Here's chapter three. Hope you all
     like it.
Tommy had to admit, pizza with the theater geeks wasn’t so bad. He was squished
in a booth, Brad next to him, Kris (goddammit) next to Brad, and Adam and a
cute girl named Alisan on the other side. The pizza place was tiny and a bit
dingy, but covered it up with dim lighting and red curtains on the windows. The
pizza wasn’t bad either, Tommy thought as he ate his fourth slice.
“Good lord honey, didn’t you eat today?” Brad looked over at him as he had
pizza grease smeared over his face. Tommy wiped at it with a napkin (even
though he had bloody knuckles and hadn’t showered in two days).
“I ate a little after school, it’s just been a long day.” Tommy said. His hand
was still throbbing, but he didn’t want to go home yet. He got one of the
mozzarella sticks and swabbed it through the pizza sauce sitting on the table.
“I don’t eat breakfast normally.”
“From what I’ve heard, you usually drink it.” That low, amused voice was coming
from the far end of his booth. Tommy saw Adam’s eyes widen as he turned to look
at Kris.
“Yeah? What else have you heard about me?” Tommy’s voice was low and a little
dangerous. Adam and Alisan went still across the table. Brad looked at him like
Please not here, with me in between you. Tommy leaned forward a little, closing
the distance between them a little more. “Because people say all kinds of shit
about me at this school, so I’d like to know what you’d be willing to repeat to
my face.”
Kris looked a little abashed then, but not afraid. “Hey, I didn’t mean to upset
you. I was just joking. I didn’t know you cared what people thought of you.”
Tommy had to think about that for a minute, because it was actually a good
point. When did he start caring?
Tommy held Kris’ eyes. “I care about not getting kicked out, again. I have to
finish school, so yeah. It does bother me sometimes because it makes me look
even worse to the teachers and principal." He pushed himself back into his
corner of the booth and got another mozzarella stick. “Although I’m doing a
pretty good job fucking up on my own”, he muttered.
Adam spoke up then, voice high and a little worried. “But you’re gonna do
better, right? Because I don’t want you to get expelled.” Then he blushed,
whole face turning red up to the tips of his ears. That was a lot more
endearing that it had any right to be. Tommy swore he saw Alisan pat Adam’s
hand under the table, and mentally put her on his list of decent people in this
crowd.
“Me either,” Tommy grinned. “So I’ll try to calm down the bank trashing and
throwing garbage cans into shop windows.” Adam, Alisan and Brad all laughed,
while Kris looked like he was trying to find a way to ask if Tommy had ever
really done any of that. Tommy smirked, wouldn’t he like to know.
When they were done, it was almost ten o’clock and they were trying to divvy up
the bill. Anoop tried to pay for everyone, which he seemed to do every week and
got shot down, then Brad and Kris tried to figure their shares out to the
penny. Tommy scrounged around for some money. “I’m paying for mine and Adam’s.”
Adam looked surprised, then a little embarrassed. “Um, no it’s okay. I can pay
for mine.” Tommy waved that bullshit away with his good hand.
“No, I think I should. You’ve been giving me a ride and I might as well pay
your part. I’ve got enough.” He pulled out about eight bucks plus money towards
the tip. “I don’t know if you’re doing anything else after this, but could you
drop me off at a friend’s house? I’m tired and my hand’s really starting to
hurt.”
Adam nodded. “Yeah, um. No, I’m not doing anything. I’ll take you somewhere.”
Tommy tossed the money on the table and stood up. Brad and Kris got up to let
him out.
“Thanks, I’m gonna go crash. I’ll see you Monday.” Brad waved brightly and Kris
nodded a little. Tommy made sure to say goodbye to Alisan as well, since she
was sweet and Adam liked her. Anoop raised an eyebrow when they went by, and
Tommy just nodded a goodbye.
When they got into Adam’s Ford he looked a little nervous. “So, um, where am I
taking you?”
“You know those Victorians that they made apartments out of on Brookline? Take
me there. I’m house and pet sitting for a friend. I’ve got my clothes there and
everything.” Tommy slid back in the seat. He played around with the radio dial
as Adam drove. Adam looked over at him but didn’t say anything.
Tommy found the college station and nodded his head to it. It wasn’t punk but
that jangly we-want-to-be-like-the-Byrds shit that kept coming out. R.E.M had a
fuck lot to answer for, in his opinion. Adam seemed to like it though, singing
along softly at the chorus. Tommy leaned his head back and listened to Adam
sing.
“Hey, there it is,” he said, pointing to his friend’s place. “Second apartment
on the ground floor.” Adam parked on the road and Tommy got out, feet a little
unsteady now. Whoa, maybe it had been a long day. He looked over at Adam who
was still in the car, and looked like he was ready to say goodbye. “Hey, do you
want to come in for a minute? It’s really cool.”
Adam looked completely taken off guard for a second. “Um, yeah”, he said so
quietly Tommy could barely hear it. Tommy started walking through the door as
Adam turned off the car and followed him. Tommy could feel how nervous he was
from ten feet away, and wanted to tell him to relax. Instead he just found the
key and opened the door.
Adam was right behind him when he flicked on the light, showing a one-room
apartment with a mattress pushed in the corner, band flyers all over the walls,
and a lot of terrariums full of small creatures. “Pretty cool huh? This is
Ashley’s place, but we all call her Alan. She’s in Central America right now.
She says she’s doing humanitarian work, but it wouldn’t surprise me if she’d
joined The Shining Path. Anyway, wanna help me feed her babies?”
Adam was still looking around the place, eyes wide. It wasn’t very clean, but
it did look sort of inviting. There was a two-burner stove on the other side of
the room, and a small table and chair. No tv, but there was a record player and
three milk crates full of lp’s. “Wow. Uh, yeah. What has she got?”
Tommy grinned and showed him the various cages and small glass cases. “There’s
a chinchilla over there, her name’s Reagan, here’s her tarantulas Lugosi and
Lee. “ He pointed to another small enclosure. “And that’s Leatherface, her
python.”
“Wow,” Adam said, looking at Lugosi. Tommy took him out of the terrarium and
gave him to Adam. “Hold still, they don’t like surprise movements.” Adam nodded
and watched as Lugosi walked gently up his arm. Adam held him a minute and then
Tommy took Lugosi back and got Leatherface. “I don’t really recommend picking
up Lee and Regan today, they seem kind of cranky. I’ve been gone too long.” He
handed Adam the small green python and watched Adam smile gently as Leatherface
wrapped around his arm.
They were quiet for a few minutes as they both played with and fed the animals.
Adam made a face when Tommy got out the live crickets for the spiders and the
python, which Tommy thought was pretty funny. “Hey, I could be feeding
Leatherface mice, but she’s really not that hungry right now.” He turned to
Reagan’s cage. “Hey baby, time to eat.” He got the little pellets she ate and
put them in her dish, straightening up to see Adam staring at him, like he
wanted to say something.
“Um, Tommy? Is –do you have a girlfriend?” Adam looked just as shy as he did at
the guidance counselor’s office, vulnerable and open. Tommy didn’t know what to
say as the sexual tension between them rose its head again.
“Yesterday I had a girlfriend. I’m pretty sure she hates me now. I’ve mostly
dated girls.” Tommy watched Adam’s face drop and thought, oh shit>/i>. He
didn’t know how to save this one so he started just fucking babbling. “Um, it’s
been a really long day, you want a beer, or a coke or something? I’m probably
just going to drink one and pass out. But you can stay for a while.” I want you
to stay, his mind added.
But it was too fucking late, Adam was heading for the door. “I should get home,
my parents are probably wondering where I am.” He didn’t even sound mad, but
like he had done something wrong. “I’ll see you at school.”
“Hey, wait.” Tommy said, a little too fast. Adam stopped at the door, not
meeting his eyes. “Give me your phone number? In case I need a ride or you want
to hang out again.” Adam looked like he was considering it, then nodded and
wrote his number down on a flyer tacked to the wall. Tommy looked at him a
little while longer. “Okay. Um, I guess I’ll see you.” Fuck it was tense.
Adam took his fucked up hand in his. “Does it still hurt?” Tommy blinked in
confusion, then nodded. Adam took it and looked at it for a minute, then raised
those beautiful eyes to Tommy’s face. “Be careful. I’ll see you soon.”
“Bye.” Tommy let Adam walk out the door. He watched Adam leave, then shut the
door, kicking it a little.
“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck”.
When Tommy woke up the next morning, his head and hand were both pounding. He
tried flexing the hand, and had to bite the pillow to keep from screaming.
Tommy looked around for a minute, stumbling on shaky legs, until he found the
phone. He dialed the first number he could think of.
“Hey, is Lisa there? Okay. Hey Lisa baby, if you’re not busy, could you take me
to the emergency room?”
Forty minutes later he was barely standing up in front of the front desk nurse.
She was glaring at him like he was a small bug. “Now son, we aren’t a hospital
for the indigent, and if you can’t pay your bill you need to go somewhere-“
Tommy opened his wallet with his good hand and flipped out an insurance card, a
credit card, and his ID. The nurse looked at his name and raised an eyebrow.
Tommy stared her down. “Get me the fucking paperwork and get me a doctor.”
It was Sunday afternoon before he called Adam. “Hey, it’s Tommy.” He was
slurring pretty bad. “I’m in the hospital, I don’t know if I’m making it to
school tomorrow.”
There was a pause, and then he heard “Tommy? Tommy, what happened?”
“My hand, it’s all fucked up.” Tommy sighed. "Infected down to the bone, they
had to cut into it, and I’m on an IV of antibiotics. And I’m taking a lot of
Demerol. That’s the good part.” He laughed a little, but was too tired to put
much effort into it.
“Oh my god, Tommy! You did that just from the other night?” Tommy heard Adam
about to freak the fuck out and tried to sound reassuring.
“Actually, it might be from a couple of things, but the fight didn’t help. I
must have gotten someone in the mouth, because you get a lot of bacteria that
way. Anyway, tell the drama dudes that I’m pretty sick. And I’m sorry, you
know. I just-I’m sorry.”
Adam was silent a minute, then he said “Do you want me to come by?” He sounded
so fucking unsure that Tommy wanted to kick himself in the ass.
“Yeah, they’ve only got visiting hours for a little while longer, so come on.”
“Okay, see you there.” The phone clicked off.
Adam got there about 40 minutes later, and he had a few things with him. “Um, I
got you some books, and some of those chocolate covered potato chips from the
store over on Outlook.”
Tommy held out his good hand. “Gimmie.” Adam grinned and handed him the chips.
Tommy cradled them to his chest with his bad hand so he could pick the chips
out of the bag. “Thanks for coming by-Lisa took me here, but then I made her go
back and get your number from off Alan’s wall. I don’t think she’ll be giving
me a ride back from the hospital when I get out.”
“Lisa Harrington? That senior with the cool hair?” Adam looked surprised and
Tommy laughed.
“Yeah, she’s a good friend. We’ve known each other for years. She’s just-she’s
a good person to know. I’ll introduce you two, she’ll love you.” Tommy sighed
and put the chips up. “I’m really tired.”
“Want me to leave now?” Adam said, sitting down close to him. “I can let you
sleep.”
“Been sleeping, wanna talk.” Tommy sighed. “I’m fuckin’ sorry about last night.
I-I didn’t say what I meant. I don’t think.” Tommy frowned and tried to start
again. “I have dated mostly girls-if by dated you mean see a few times and
treat like shit.”
Adam wasn’t saying anything now, just sitting there surprised and shocked. “And
so I blew it last night because I got scared, and fuck. Well. I hope you don’t
hold it against me.” Tommy could hear his voice get lower as the Demerol made
him drift off. Before he passed out again, he felt a little squeeze to his good
hand.
***** Chapter Four *****
Chapter Notes
     Here ya'll are, hope you like it.
Man made natural disaster/Blocking out all of the sun-"Ares", by Bloc Party
The first visitor Tommy got Monday was Brad. “Honey! Adam told us you were sick
and nearly destroyed your hand. Now will you stop trying to be all Rambo,
fixing your wounds yourself?”
Tommy lifted his head halfway up. “I make no promises.” Brad giggled and sat on
the edge of Tommy’s bed, telling him gossip about celebrities he didn’t care
about and dirty jokes. Tommy showed off his thin plastic cast, which was held
in a sling. “I can’t do anything with this fucker man.”
Brad looked at it for a second, considering. “Well honey, you can always start
using your other hand.” Tommy snorted and threw an empty Coke can at him, just
as Anoop came in.
“ Hi Brad, it’s my turn now.” Brad grumbled and gave Tommy an air kiss on the
forehead and walked out. Anoop came over to Tommy’s bedside, looking him over.
“Megan couldn’t make it, she’s working her waitress job tonight. But she sent
you a mix tape of her favorite Kate Bush songs.” Tommy tried not to look
disgusted-of course Megan would love Kate Bush. He could have seen that fucking
coming. “But enough about that, here’s your homework for today. Enjoy.” Tommy
scowled at him, and Anoop just grinned, smug. “We can’t have you getting any
further behind-the only teachers who don’t look like they want to throw things
when your name is mentioned is Miss Abdul and that insane creative writing
teacher. So go ahead, I’ll be right here.”
“Yeah, enjoy my suffering asshole,” Tommy muttered, but he slowly did his
homework with the wrong hand, while Anoop sat in the room and read. Tommy had
to admit, having him nearby was nice. He wasn’t such a bad guy when he wasn’t
talking. When Tommy got done, Anoop took the homework and left him a homemade
card from some of the other drama kids.
Adam wasn’t there. When visiting hours were almost over, Tommy figured he must
have fucked up with whatever the fuck it was he said last night. He couldn’t
even remember, really. He had been trying to apologize, he knew that. Fuck, he
must have gone too far. It was getting late and he had to try to sleep. Just as
he turned over, the phone rang.
“Hey Tommy? It’s Adam, I’m sorry. I had singing lessons after class and then my
parents made us go to a theater production-I was afraid you were already
asleep.” Tommy was fucking glad nobody could see the goofy smile he knew was on
his face.
“Well, almost, but I’ll stay awake a bit longer. How are you doing?” He closed
his eyes as Adam answered back.
“Shouldn’t that be my line? Brad said you looked tired. But you’re getting out
soon, right?”
“Fuck, I don’t know, I think they’re letting me out tomorrow. But I have to
stay out of school two days-they want me to rest and heal up a little. And I’m
in a splint and a sling. I can’t move my hand. I can’t fucking play guitar,
Adam.” Tommy sighed. “It just fucking sucks. What am I going to do?”
“You’re going to get better, so you can play guitar again. It’ll be okay.” And
fuck, Adam was so optimistic, and it was infectious, it made him think lying in
a hospital bed with a damaged hand wasn’t so terrible. “Hey,” Adam said, “What
did you think of the books I got you?”
Tommy looked over at the little stack of paperbacks. “Well, I’ve been sleeping
a lot, so I just read that Stephen King and the poetry magazine you got me.
Thanks for that, by the way.” It had been a pleasant surprise.
“Yeah, well, you like poetry, right? So I thought that would be a good bet. I’m
glad you liked it-I don’t know much about that stuff. So um, you’re getting out
tomorrow?”
“They have to look at it first, then give me a ton of fucking antibiotics and
pain medication and yeah, I’m a free man, hopefully.” Tommy tensed, knowing
what was coming next.
“Okay. What time are your parents coming to get you? I can see you before then,
maybe.” Tommy almost sighed in relief, this wasn’t going to be so awkward.
“Oh, not until later, you’ll probably still be in school. Don’t worry about it,
I’ll see you soon. But I probably will just hole up in the house when I’m
getting better.” Tommy was twisting the blanket in between his fingers. Fuck.
“Oh okay. Um, let me know if you want any company. I know being sick is really
boring.” Tommy smiled a little at that.
“Yeah? When were you sick?” Tommy listened as Adam talked about childhood
illnesses and sprained ankles from dancing, glad to have changed the subject.
They talked a little about injuries, even though Tommy clearly won on that
front. After a while, Tommy yawned. “I really do have to sleep now. Thanks for
calling.”
“No problem. And oh, um, thanks for what you said last night. I’m glad I didn’t
do anything wrong. So we’re friends?” Adam sounded so hopeful, and Tommy
swallowed.
“Fuck yeah, no problem. You’re the person I like best in that whole drama
crowd. And when I get better, I’m taking you somewhere with me and Lisa.” He
smiled a little. “Maybe I’ll take you to the Points.”
“Oh my god, the Points? Wait, I’ll get my ass kicked if I go there!” The Points
was the hub of underground teenage life in their town-full of record stores,
weird crumbling bookstores run by weird crumbling old beatniks, and some good
cheap restaurants. There was even an old movie theater. And it was a huge punk
hangout.
“You won’t get beaten up if you’re with me,” Tommy said, and he couldn’t help
but sound proud. “Look, I gotta sleep-this stuff is still kicking my ass. I’ll
talk to you later.” Tommy didn’t want to say when.
“Okay, call me when you get out. Bye.” Tommy said goodbye and promised nothing.
The next day, the doctors and nurses prodded and poked him, looked at his hand
and pronounced him well enough to leave. He was given a prescription for pain
medication (fuck yeah, Tommy thought), and some antibiotics that he swore he
would take the way he should, uh-huh, yep. After all that, Tommy paid the co-
pay with his card, and called a taxi to take him home.
He stayed inside for two days.
When Tommy showed up for drama class, he was still feeling pretty bad, and he
must have looked it too. Paula’s eyes widened when she saw him loping into her
class, bookbag over his shoulder. “Hi Paula, it’s okay, doesn’t hurt much now.”
She looked at him like she wanted to hug him, but restrained herself, and Tommy
was fucking glad for that. How embarrassing.
He sat down between Brad and Kris. Adam was in the corner, looking at him.
Tommy smiled and Adam-sort of glared at him. Shit, why? It had to have shown on
his face, because Brad patted his hand. “You just disappeared into the ether,
honey. Some people are pissed.”
“I don’t get it, most of you guys don’t even like me,” Tommy snapped. Kris
smirked next to him, and really, Tommy thought there should be a maximum amount
of times a guy could smirk. Smirks sometimes led to busted lips.
Brad scoffed at that, waving his hands.“Do you think Anoop gets just anyone’s
homework for them? And of course Adam wanted to hear from you. Even Kris was
worried about you.” Oh great, Tommy thought, as Kris pulled a container out of
his backpack.
“Yeah, I told my mama that you were sick and she made you some fudge. I would
have brought it over to your place, but I don’t know where you live.” Tommy
took the package like it was radioactive. Fudge. His mama, Jesus Christ. Who
the fuck did this kid think he was?
“Yeah, I was just at home stoned off my ass on painkillers, it wouldn’t have
been any fun.” Tommy tried to open the little Tupperware package, needing some
help from Brad. The fudge was mixed chocolate and peanut butter, and it was
really good. “Um, thanks.”
“What, do you hate it? I know it’s good, she makes it for me too.” Kris smiled
at him all sweet and Tommy didn’t know what to say. He had met this fucker
exactly once, why was he so nice?
“No. Don’t hate it. Here,” he said, handing a piece to Brad. He nibbled more of
his piece while Brad swallowed his in one bite and licked his fingers. Tommy
laughed, Brad and Kris joined in until Paula shushed them to start a lecture on
absurdist theater.
After class, Anoop came up first and silently handed Tommy his missed homework.
Megan came over and wanted to look at his splint, which made Tommy smile and
Anoop jealous. Girls loved injuries, fuck if he knew why. Tommy looked for Adam
and saw him leaving the room alone.
“Hey. Adam, hey.” Tommy jogged after him. Adam kept walking, but slowed down
for Tommy to catch up. Tommy walked with him across the campus to the main
building. “I’m sorry. I didn’t call anybody, it wasn’t just you.”
“Oh.” Adam didn’t say much else, so Tommy swallowed and started again. “I mean,
I wouldn’t have been good company anyway-“
“I didn’t care about that,” Adam said. “I just wanted you to call.” Tommy
sighed. He could have called, he knew that. Adam glanced over at him before
putting his head back down. “I thought we were becoming friends.” As soon as he
said it, Tommy wanted to punch a wall and fuck up his hand even worse. Fuck,
he’d done it again.
Tommy frowned and tried to explain.“We are, and I’m sorry. I really didn’t talk
to anyone. Not even Lisa. I’m sorry, I’ll call you if it happens again.” Tommy
can hear how lame that is. “I mean. I’ll call you.” He put his good hand out a
little and touched Adam’s arm.
Adam looked at him, startled, and Tommy could fuckin’ feel it too, the little
shock of electricity zipping up his arm. Tommy must have looked puzzled,
because Adam just shook his head. “See you.” He left Tommy standing there, the
last bell ringing.
When school was over (fucking finally), Tommy found Lisa smoking in the parking
lot. “Um hey, can you-“
“Take you home, you’ll buy me fast food or give me gas money, yeah, yeah.” Lisa
flicked her cigarette away and pushed off her friends Mustang. “Let’s go.”
Tommy followed her, wondering why she was pissed at him too. Everyone was mad
except Brad and Kris Fucking Allen (and no, he would never think of his name
any other way).
Lisa yanked the door of her Chevy open and waited for Tommy to get in. She was
staring ahead, and Tommy tried to lighten things up. “Hey, we can go by that
new burger place, I’ll get you whatever you want-“
“Fuck you, Tommy.” Lisa’s voice was so quiet that Tommy almost didn’t catch it.
“Fuck. You. You could have died from that infection, and you just fucking go
along with your life, bumming rides off me and acting like it’s my job to make
sure you don’t fucking wind up dead in an alley somewhere!” She was yelling by
the end of it, and Tommy couldn’t look at her. He swallowed against the lump in
his throat and blinked hard.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking I would get that badly hurt. I’m fuckin’ sorry.”
Tommy chewed on his fingernail and Lisa took a deep breath.
Lisa looked over at him, eyes shining from the tears threatening to spill. “Is
it that bad? Do you want to kill yourself over it? Because you could have good
things in your life, sometimes I even think you want them.” Lisa reached out,
and Tommy let her put an arm around him, squeezing his good shoulder.
“I don’t know what I want. I just have no idea anymore.” Tommy whispered. “I’m
tired. “ He leaned closer to Lisa, whimpering a little when he nudged his bad
arm. “I’m just tired.”
“Then let’s get you home.” Lisa squeezed his shoulder again, then started the
car. They drove towards his house in silence. Tommy had his eyes down, so he
almost missed it.
“Hey, wait, you let me off there, at that street-“ Lisa jerked the car to the
side of the road and slammed on the brakes.
“No, Tommy. No. You are on a ton of painkillers, your arm is in a sling, and
you’re weak from being sick. I’m taking you home.” Tommy started to protest but
Lisa just ran him over. “I know where your house is, Tommy Joe. I’ve known for
a long time now. I know a lot of people miss the obvious, but you don’t live in
the fuckin’ Batcave!” She jerked her car into drive and sped towards his house.
Tommy didn’t try to stop her.
It was only a couple of minutes before Lisa was parked in front of Tommy’s
house. They both just looked at it for a minute, and Tommy shuddered when she
put a hand on his shoulder this time. “It doesn’t look bad from the outside,”
she said, voice quiet.
“No. I’m sure it looks just fine.” Tommy grabbed his backpack and pushed his
way out of the car. Lisa looked like she was going to apologize, but Tommy just
shook his head. “I love you, it’s okay. You can take me home sometimes. But
don’t…”
“I know, say anything. Just let me know if you need anything. Call me later.
And from your actual fucking house this time!” Tommy nodded, a slight smile on
his face, and headed inside.
A few hours later Tommy was eating a nuked burrito in the kitchen and trying to
get his nerve up. After his sort-of dinner, he picked up the phone. “Hey. Um,
is Adam home?” He gnawed on one of his cuticles-they were a mess.
“Who fuckin’ wants to know?” said a very young, very smartassed voice on the
phone and Tommy almost laughed. “Really, who are you?” the kid said again.
“I’m Tommy, I’m a friend of Adam’s from school. Is he home?” Tommy was
seriously grinning now. He liked this kid.
“Wait, Adam has a guy friend? Did he bribe you?” Right then Tommy heard a
scuffle and Adam saying “Give me the phone, you fucking shit!” Tommy was still
laughing when Adam came on.
“Hey, um sorry about my little fucker of a brother”, Adam said, voice rising on
the last part. “Who is this?” Tommy felt a bit fucking nervous now-he’d screwed
it up again last time.
“It’s Tommy, hi. Um is now a good time?” Tommy chewed on his cuticle again.
There was a pause, and Tommy waited for Adam to hang up on him. He would have
had that coming.
“Oh hey. Hi. Um, let me take this into the other room?” He heard Adam put the
phone down and yell “And don’t you touch it, you ass!” Tommy waited a second
for Adam to get the phone, giggling at the whole thing Adam had going on with
his brother. Then he heard the phone being picked up and Adam yelling. “Neil!
Hang the other phone up. I don’t care if you don’t want to, you asshole!” By
the time the first phone had been hung up, Tommy was shaking with laughter.
Adam heard him, and started laughing too. “Sorry about that.”
“Oh fuck, so that’s what it’s like to have siblings, I didn’t miss a thing,”
Tommy said, still laughing. “How are you?”
Adam’s voice sounded a little shy still, but not as hesitant. “I’m okay. I went
to my singing lessons and we had dinner. Nothing special, my dad is about to
get me to work on my algebra with him. I’m horrible at it,” Adam laughed a
little. “I just hate it so much.”
“Yeah, I know how it is, I feel that way about nearly every class. They’re so
boring.” Tommy sat up a little. “I mean, do you know that my last English
teacher assigned Treasure Island? I’m seventeen, I read that when I was ten! I
mean fuck. I asked them to put me in AP, but I didn’t really have the grades.”
Tommy listened, but Adam didn’t say much. “Adam?” Adam cleared his throat.
“Um, nothing. Wow, you’re really smart.” Tommy laughed and slide back down in
his chair.
“For all the fucking good it does me. It’s not like anybody pays attention long
enough to notice.” Tommy scratched his head with his good hand. “My teachers
think I’m an idiot.” Tommy shrugged and then winced-ow, that hurt his hand.
Fuck, he couldn’t do anything. He made small talk with Adam for a few more
minutes, then he said “Look, I have to take my pain pills. And my antibiotics,”
he said as an afterthought. “I have to go.”
“Okay. Um, thanks for calling? Can I have your number?” Adam sounded a little
shy, and Tommy could almost picture him biting his lip.
Fuck, Tommy thought. He hated giving out his home number. “Well-“ he started,
and then he heard an older male voice. “Adam, come on, time to get off the
phone. You have to turn this in tomorrow.”
“I’ll give it to you next time, okay?” Tommy said. “I’ll call you later. Bye.”
Adam had just stammered out a goodbye when Tommy hung up. “Fuck. I’m an
asshole,” Tommy muttered to himself. Tommy held his head in his hands, then
pushed himself up. He got his medications and a mini bottle of Jack, then
remembered he wasn’t supposed to drink on antibiotics.
He drank it anyway.
Later that night, in his room, he went in and out of sleep, waking up from
pain. At one point he was dreaming that Adam was in his room, and he was
playing guitar for him. They were sitting next to each other and everything was
fun. In his dream, they were both smiling.
He woke up after that and blinked into the darkness.
***** Chapter Five *****
Chapter Notes
     Because of old lj length limits, a lot of my chapters had two parts.
     While funny, I'm gonna knit them back together as one chapter. Thanks
     for reading!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Keep the past, the future is ours-“Ares”, by Bloc Party
Tommy went back to school the next day, catching the bus this time. He drifted
through his classes, turning in his work and then tuning out the teachers. When
he got to theater class, however, he felt like he had just had some coffee,
because of the energy in the room. He blinked and smiled at Paula, and she
beamed at him. “Hi Tommy, come in.” Wow, a teacher who was goddamn happy to see
him. There was a first time for everything.
It was early and class hadn’t really started yet. He went over and chose a seat
next to Adam. “Hey.”
“Hey. That’s Alisan’s usual seat.” Adam’s voice was quiet and Tommy had to take
a deep breath.
“I’ll leave it in a minute. Here.” He handed Adam a piece of paper. “Phone
numbers: my house, Allan’s, and my friend Brent’s. I’m usually at any one of
those three places. I’m home more now because I’m fucking injured.” Adam paused
a minute, then took the paper.
“You’re really annoying sometimes, you know that?” He looked at Tommy with a
smile threatening to creep up on one side. Tommy felt himself fucking grin,
right out in the open. It was okay.
“Oh yeah, I’m an asshole.” They laughed a little and then Alisan came in and
Tommy graciously gave her the seat back, and went over to sit next to Brad and
Kris. Kris winked at him and Tommy shot him a look. Fuck, it’s not like he did
anything.
After class, they were all reminded about that night’s rehearsal and “everyone
should try to make it, even those that don’t have parts.” That part was clearly
directed at him, but that was fine. Tommy was planning on going anyway. As he
left class, he saw a group of girls wait for Brad. They formed something like a
circle around him and then walked off. Tommy watched them leave, and noticed
how Brad’s demeanor changed completely once he left the safety of the drama
kids. He didn’t put his head down, but he was quiet and very…still.
“It’s hard for him,” a voice said close by. Tommy tensed at someone so close,
and looked to see Kris, serious for once. “A lot of us try to help out,
because…”
“Yeah, I didn’t think of that.” Tommy started to his class and Kris went with
him. “So, having the girls around helps keep jocks from kicking his ass?”
“Among other things, but yeah. It’s like a cloaking device to idiots.” Tommy
laughed, and Kris grinned at him as he headed down another hall. He thought
about Kris and the drama class in general through most of biology. They looked
out for each other, what the fuck. Even Kris, who he still didn’t like all that
fucking much. It should be a crime to be that perfect.
Tommy met up with Lisa and this other girl in the parking lot, leaning against
Lisa’s car and playing The Germs. Tommy had gotten a third hand cassette copy
of their song “Forming”, and it was fucked up and kind of dim, but it was good
enough. The other girl (she called herself Delilah, but Tommy seriously fucking
doubted that was on her birth certificate), groaned after a bit. “Who are these
fucking geeks coming over here?” she said, and Tommy looked up to see Adam,
Brad and Kris heading his way.
“People I like better than you,” Tommy said, throwing his cigarette down while
he walked towards them. In the background he could hear Delilah make huffing
noises and Lisa laughing. “Hey.”
“Hey, we just wanted to make sure you’re coming to rehearsal.” Adam said. “I
mean, I’d understand if you went home, I know your hand has to be hurting you.”
Adam’s voice was soft, and he looked kind of intimidated by being in the
smoking part of the parking lot.
“My hand’s hurt like a bitch all day, what’s another few hours? I’ll be there.
Hey guys, come over and meet Lisa.” Brad and Kris grinned at him, and Adam
looked slightly awed. He walked them over to Lisa’s car, and she took a drag
off her cigarette and grinned. “Adam, Kris, Brad, this is Lisa. She puts up
with my shit more than anyone.” Lisa just rolled her eyes. “Lisa my darling,
meet Brad, Kris, and Adam, the best fucking singer in the theater department.”
Adam turned bright red at that, but smiled right at Tommy. Tommy had to try
very hard not to look down.
Lisa flipped her hair out of her eyes-she had dyed the front part blue for this
week. Brad stepped up first. “Hi. I know you, we’ve served detention together!”
He reached out and squeezed her hand. For a second it looked like he was going
to kiss it, but then he remembered he was in public. Lisa just squeezed back.
“Charmed, I’m sure.” That made them all laugh, and then Kris and Adam started
talking to her as well, voices chattering together. Delilah was still there,
smoking and watching them like they were bugs. Tommy stared at her shoes,
deciding he didn’t like them.
Tommy looked straight at Delilah and said loudly,“Oh I’m sorry, I forgot. This
is a poseur who calls herself Delilah and said you guys were geeks when you
were walking up. Also, she gives really bad head.” Tommy heard a gasp, and then
some laughter from Brad. Tommy saw the microsecond of hurt in Delilah’s eyes
before they closed off and just became angry.
“Fuck you, Tommy!” Delilah shoved him, purposely getting his bad arm. “You were
a lousy lay too! Fuck you all!” She stomped off while Lisa and Brad laughed.
“You weren’t worth the effort sweetheart!” Tommy said, laughing through the
pain from her shove. He turned around and saw Adam and Kris staring at him.
“What?” Kris just shook his head, but Adam looked a little freaked out.
Adam said something first. “So…was that the girlfriend you were talking about?
The one that hates you now?” Tommy shook his head.
“No, Delilah or whatever she calls herself-not a girlfriend. Just a girl.” He
saw Brad raise an eyebrow and started trying to remedy that. “Look, she was
saying shit about you and I didn’t like it. I don’t have a problem with girls.”
“Tommy has a problem with people,” Lisa said, sliding up to the hood of her
car. Brad bummed a cigarette off her. She grinned at him. “It’s true, babe.”
Tommy shrugged.
“Yeah. But you know, it’s no big loss if she hates me. And, I need to get
something to eat before we have rehearsal. Anyone want to come with us? Lisa
drives me, most days.” Tommy really hoped that Adam didn’t think he was that
much of a dick. From the surprised, wary look on his face, he wasn’t sure.
Kris shook his head. “I just have to go home. I have chores to do at the
house.” Of course he does, Tommy thought. I’m sure ironing all those pretty
preppy shirts is a big job. “Okay, see you,” he said, trying to sound friendly.
Kris just rolled his eyes, smirking again, and left. Tommy looked over at Brad.
“You coming?”
“Absoutely, me and my new friend here have much to discuss, most of it will
probably be about you. “ He looked over at Lisa and she smiled back. “Adam, you
want to grab something to eat?” Tommy watched for Adam’s reaction.
“I just-well, I’m not hungry. I don’t-I don’t really want to eat right now. I’m
gonna go home and practice a little before rehearsals? I just-I’ll see you
around.” Adam was blushing again and acting kind of strange. He turned to go
and Tommy was about to follow him, but Brad caught his eye.
“Just let him go. He’ll see you tonight. It’s not you.” Tommy wasn’t so sure
about that. Brad finished his smoke and stretched up. “So, where are we going?”
The “where” turned out to be a grimy coffee shop where Tommy pounded cup after
cup of black coffee, while taking his medications. He got a slice of pie too,
almost as an afterthought. Brad and Lisa did most of the talking, and Tommy was
glad for it, his hand felt pretty shitty. And he was still thinking about Adam.
He wasn’t even sure what he was trying to think about, exactly. But he kept
thinking about how Adam looked as he left.
“Hey.” Tommy looked up, and only Brad was there. Lisa must have gone to the
bathroom or something. “You’ve been frowning into your coffee cup all
afternoon, does it hurt? You can skip rehearsal if you need to.” Tommy would
tell most people to fuck off, he didn’t need their fake concern. But Brad was
never fake about anything, so he just shook his head.
“I have a fucking high pain tolerance. I’ve just been thinking, that’s all. I’m
fine.” Tommy had been replaying the way he humiliated Delilah, the look in
Adam’s eyes. And fuck, why did it matter? Tommy pushed the last of his pie
crust around his plate, not looking at Brad. Brad lightly kicked his leg under
the table and Tommy looked up, willing himself not to kick back.
“I told you, it wasn’t about you. It’s-Adam’s got a few issues, hon.” Brad
nibbled at the turkey sandwich he’d gotten. “I hate to tell this on him, but
since you’re taking it to heart…Adam doesn’t like to eat in front of people.
Especially if he’s just met them.”
Tommy frowned at that. “But we all had pizza Friday, didn’t he-oh.” Tommy
thought about it, and while he was stuffing his face and ignoring the pain in
his hand, Adam had just sat there watching him. “He didn’t have any of it, did
he?”
Brad shook his head. “If we’re lucky sometimes he’ll eat a half-slice in front
of us. That’s a good day.” Brad leaned forward. “That’s not your fault. Between
you and Lisa, I guess it was too intimidating for him to even sit here.” Brad
smirked at him a little. “And hell, you’re pretty intimidating all by
yourself.”
“You’re not scared of me,” Tommy said, then took another gulp of coffee. “Fuck,
this is getting cold.” Tommy shoved his half-finished pie to the side. “Hey,
how long have you known Adam?”
Brad grinned big at the question. “Oh, a few years, he’s a good friend. We had
dance lessons together, he’s really good at that.” Brad leaned forward. “So,
are you fishing for information about him?”
“Oh, fuck off,” Tommy said, and they laughed. Then Lisa came back and they all
started talking about what they wanted to do for the weekend. When Brad asked
him, Tommy shrugged. “I guess I’ll be down at the Points. Hey, do you want to
come?”
Brad stopped with his fork in midair. “I don’t know, how about during the day?
I hear there’s a lot of fights around there.”
“It’s not as bad as everyone thinks it is.” Tommy knew he was totally fucking
lying on that one, but it really was okay during the day. “I’ll ask at
rehearsal if anyone else wants to come. Anyway, we ought to let you go home and
change or whatever. I gotta do my fucking homework left-handed again.” They
split up then and Lisa took Brad home.
Lisa and Tommy went to Allen’s, feeding the animals and hanging out until it
was time to go back. Tommy did some of his homework, which made Lisa laugh.
“I’ve seen you do that maybe five times ever, Tommy Joe.”
Tommy wrote out his algebra homework slowly with his left hand. “You should see
the way Anoop glares at me if I don’t turn shit in. Fucker’s known me a week
and he’s made himself my academic coach.” Lisa looked at him seriously then.
Tommy looked up after a minute. “What?”
“They like you, huh?” She said, and Tommy wanted to stomp around and say no,
they were just pretending to, he wasn’t falling for it. Lisa raised an eyebrow
and he stifled a sigh. He could never really lie to her.
“I guess. I guess they do. Fuck if I know why.” Tommy scribbled out another
problem. “I like them too-some of them. It’s okay.” Tommy kept his head down.
Lisa scratched at the hair at the nape of his neck. “Hey, stop. That tickles.”
He looked over, and they shared a grin.
An hour later, he was back in the school theater for rehearsal, although all he
did was keep scratching at his homework (Anoop saw him and smiled, the fucker),
and sometimes watched the others perform.
Like Adam. Yeah, all movement stopped and he paid the fuck attention when Adam
sang. Tommy was actually starting to really love that song. This time, there
was more in it, more emotion. Adam was so present in the song that Tommy was
back to staring at him just like last week.
When it was all over, he was packing up his books and saw Adam, Anoop, Megan
and Brad headed his way. “Hey honey,” Brad said. “I told this little group here
about the Points, and they’re in if you still are.” Tommy grinned.
“Fuck yeah. We can go hang out. And the Palace Theater has a James Dean
festival this weekend.” Tommy was watching Adam, and he was glad to see a
small, nervous smile on his face. Tommy smiled back, he couldn’t fucking help
it. Then he realized that Megan was talking.
“…We’ll come along for the movie but me and Anoop are going to the museum
later,” she was saying. Wait, it’s more than one movie, isn’t it?”
Tommy nodded. “Yeah, Rebel, East of Eden, and Dean’s screen test.” Anoop and
Brad didn’t look particularly impressed, but Adam did. Megan smiled, and played
with her earrings a little.
“We might try to make it. Are you going with us for pizza tonight?” That made
Tommy look at Adam again, thinking about him not wanting to eat. He shook his
head and hefted his backpack.
“No, I gotta go.” He tried to get out of there fast. Adam followed him,
touching him lightly on the shoulder. And even though he wasn’t looking, Tommy
could tell it was him. “Yeah?”
“Um. Just. Do you need anything? A ride or something, I can take you.” Adam
said. “It’s late to wait for the bus.” Tommy looked up at Adam, and thought
again about how pretty his eyes were. “I mean, I know Lisa useally gets you,
but I-I can.”
It was so tempting. Tommy could see it-getting into Adam’s car, joking on the
way over, listening to the radio. But he didn’t know how to explain why they
couldn’t go to his house. So he just said “Could you take me to the bus stop?
And wait with me?” Adam looked really confused, so Tommy just said “I don’t
want you to go out of your way, my house is kind of far.”
Adam nodded. “Okay. Um, sure. I’ll take you if you want. “Then Adam blushed,
and Tommy felt that weird push against his ribs again. God, this whole thing
was so fucked up. Tommy just nodded, and they headed out the door together.
Tommy looked back in time to see Brad raise an eyebrow. Megan and Anoop were
too busy arguing about something to notice.
They drove to the bus stop in silence, listening to the radio. Tommy had a long
day, so he just leaned back with his eyes closed. After a while, they made it
to the bus stop. “Um, you sure you don’t want me to take you? Is it really that
far?” Tommy picked his head up to answer.
“It’s okay from here, I’ll just wait on the bus. No, it’s okay. I’m just sorry
I’m falling asleep on you. Hey, see you tomorrow? I’ll call you when I get up.
You don’t have anything planned, right? No lessons or rehearsals or anything?”
“No, no nothing. I’ll be there. Um, can I ask you something?” Tommy tensed, but
nodded. God only knows where this was going to go.
“Is it okay for-someone like me to be there?” And well fuck, Tommy thought,
that was a close to a confession of Adam being gay as he was likely to get for
now. “I just-I don’t want to be scared.”
Tommy decided to answer honestly. “It’s about as good as anyplace else,
sometimes a little better. Me and Lisa will stick with you. My fucking asshole
friends will tease the fuck out of me, but if they say anything to you, either
give it to them back or I will. Verbally,” he added quickly. “I can’t fight
anyone for you, sorry.” He looked over at Adam, who wasn’t blushing or hiding,
but staring at him straight on. It wasn’t his stage confidence, it was
something else.
Tommy was still trying to figure it out when the bus came. He started to get
out of the car, and Adam reached over and almost grabbed his bad arm, pulling
away just in time. “Um, I’ll see you.”
Tommy nodded. “I’ll call, and me and Lisa will pick you up. You don’t have to
drive me then. Night.”
When Tommy woke up bleary eyed the next morning, he microwaved some bacon to go
with his breakfast of painkillers and antibiotics. He took a shower with his
fucking bad arm sticking out, got dressed, and called Adam.
“Hey, is Adam there?” Tommy said, fully expecting Neil the smartass to answer
again. Instead a sweet voice said “Adam? Sure.” And Tommy thought oh shit his
mom just before Adam came on the line.
“Hey, Tommy is that you?” Adam sounded happy, and Tommy got a twist in his
stomach knowing that Adam probably hadn’t expected him to call. Tommy wriggled
the fingers of his right hand, feeling them ache.
“Hey, it’s me. I’m gonna call Lisa and we’ll be ready to go soon. Are you good
with right now? Or do you have to go to something?” Tommy was chewing on a
cuticle again.
“Hey, just anytime you get here-Hey mom, some friends are picking me up in a
little bit. No mom, some new friends.” Tommy tried to bend his ears enough to
hear what she was saying back. “No mom, it’ll be okay. We’re just going to the
movies and to hang out. Um, most of the day? I don’t know, mom.”
Tommy was biting the shit out of that fucking cuticle before Adam came back.
“Yeah, it’s okay. She’s alright with me going. I’ll be ready in about an hour?
And tell Lisa I said hey.”
“Tell her yourself, she’s driving.” Adam laughed and hung up. Tommy went over
at looked at himself in the mirror. He was puffy, his eyes were red, and he had
on a Dead Kennedys t-shirt, black jeans, Converse, and a leather jacket.
He really fucking hoped that they could get Adam out of the house without a
fucking inspection.
Forty-five minutes later, Tommy, Lisa, Brad and Lisa’s friend LP were pulling
up to the house Brad said was Adam’s. Lisa honked the horn and Tommy leaned out
of the car window. “Hey Adam! Come on, it’s gonna be great!” Tommy might have
had a couple more mini bottles of Jack with his antibiotics again.
There was a movement at the door, and a little kid came to the door. “ADAM!
There’s a bunch of freaks here to pick you up! Oh, and Brad.” There was the
sound of someone running down the stairs, and Adam came out, shoving his
brother out of the way. Neil came up and just stared at everyone. “Hi. Wow, are
you Tommy? I like your jacket.” Just then, a dark-haired woman came out and
Tommy groaned inwardly. Shit, here it comes.
The woman stared at the four of them, obviously puzzled. “Hello. I’m Leila, who
are you?” They all introduced themselves, Tommy last.
“Hi, I’m Tommy. I just joined the drama group. We’re taking Adam out for the
day, I’m not really sure when we’re getting back though.” Tommy tried to stay
back far enough that hopefully she wouldn’t notice he had liquor on his breath.
“We’re going to the Palace, and a few other places,” Lisa said, smiling her
‘parents love me even with the hair’ smile. LP in the back just nodded. Leila
just looked at them and then Adam. Tommy noticed how scared Adam looked.
“I’ll be fine mom. We’re just going to go hang out. It’s no big deal.” Lelia
didn’t look convinced, she had just noticed Tommy’s DK t-shirt and her eyes
widened. Then, another person came out to see them. Fuck, Tommy thought. Adam
has a dad.
Adam’s father looked them over, and his eyes fixed on Tommy. “Come over here?”
Tommy did as he said, coming over to where the man was standing. The guy was
wearing a tie-dyed Grateful Dead t-shirt and looked like he’d been getting high
that morning. Good, good. Tommy could use that to his advantage maybe.
“I’m Eber, hi. You’re my son’s new friend?” Tommy nodded, wondering why this
was such a big deal.
“Yeah. We’re going to a movie, but probably some record stores and other places
too.” Tommy thought he sounded like a boy in the 50’s trying to convince a dad
to let him go on a date with his daughter. That thought almost made him blush.
“What’s your name? Do you go to school with my son? Do your friends?” Eber
crossed his arms in front of his chest and made Tommy feel about three feet
tall. Really, what was up with the interrogation.
“Lisa and me go to Adam’s school. You already know Brad. LP goes to the
university, he’s a music major. My name’s…” Tommy swallowed here. “Tommy Joe
Ratliff.” He had really not wanted to give his last name.
“Ratliff,” Eber said, staring at him. Tommy stared back, willing no emotion to
show on his face. Eber looked at him a long minute, until Adam came over.
“Dad? Can I go please? I promise I won’t get in any trouble. I just made some
new friends, that’s all.” Eber looked at the car full of kids again, and then
at Leila, who nodded. Eber looked back at Adam.
“Don’t be out all night. Have a good time, and don’t get into any trouble.” He
turned to look at Tommy again. “How’d you hurt your hand?”
“It’s just an infection,” Tommy said, voice flat. Eber winced, told him to take
it easy, and let him go. As they were getting into the car, Tommy could hear
Neil begging to go with them. “That would be so awesome! Hey, can I get a
jacket like that?”
Tommy didn’t say anything when he got back in the car, Brad jumping out to let
them in the back so he could sit next to Lisa. He stared ahead, not looking at
Adam. Fuck Adam’s fucking dad, anyway. Lisa caught his eye in the rearview
mirror and shook her head at him. He dropped it, not ready to pretend to be
happy yet. Lisa turned to smile at Adam, who was looking confused. “Don’t
worry, it’s gonna be cool. Here.” She shoved a tape in, and Tommy had to grin a
little despite himself. He loved Husker Du. “I Apologize” came screaming out of
the tape deck as Lisa pulled out of the driveway and hit the gas pedal hard.
“IIIIIII apologize!” Lisa, Tommy and LP were all screaming along at top volume
when Lisa hit the interstate ramp taking them downtown. “Said I’m sorry, said
I’m sorry, said I’m sorry, now it’s your turn to look me in the
eyes…apologize!”Tommy’s mood had done an 180 degree turn just from that, and he
looked over at Adam, grinning. Adam still looked confused, but grinned and
shook his head.
“Oh my god, who is this?, “ Adam yelled, trying to be heard over the music.
Tommy tried to explain just how amazing Husker Du were as they raced down the
interstate at around 80 mph. Lisa never got pulled over for speeding tickets,
no matter how many freaks were in her car. LP added a few other good points
about the record, and he and Adam started talking music while Tommy checked out
Brad in the front seat. He looked terrified.
When they got off the exit, Lisa slowed down and took out the tape, putting the
radio back on the college station. Tommy groaned as the radio played “Take the
Skinheads Bowling”. “Not fucking again! What is it with people and this fucking
song?”
“Because it’s funny, you idiot,” Lisa said, singing along. LP joined in, and
Tommy just rolled his eyes at Adam. Adam laughed, squeezing down in the seat
closer to him. Tommy just let himself look at Adam a minute, he was so pretty
when he wasn’t self-conscious.
As soon as he thought that, of course, Adam started to duck his head. Shit,
Tommy needed to stop staring. He elbowed Adam a little. “Hey. We’re almost
there.” Adam looked up and yeah, they were a block from the weird little boho
area of town where every freak within a 20 mile radius came on Saturday, if not
every night of the week. Adam was staring at the faded sign of the Palace
Theater as Lisa squealed into a parking space big enough for a car twice the
size of hers and still overlapped it. LP popped his door open and Tommy almost
scrambled over him to get out, jostling his arm but he didn’t give a fuck. He
was home.
The Points was in an older section of town, and had nice buildings that age
only made look grander. An old church was now a mixed co-opt and thrift store,
there were a lot of little shops and tiny ethnic restaurants. The old biker bar
was now a burger shop. In front of a huge Methodist church was a fountain.
Everywhere you looked there was a mix of young kids, older hipsters, and
homeless people.
Lisa, LP and Tommy gave Brad and Adam a bit of a guided tour at first. Brad had
never been around before, saying he liked dance music and flashy clothes better
than punk noise and all black all the time. Adam just looked around in wonder,
eyes wide at the kids with Mohawks, hair bleached white or dyed jet black. They
both saw JennyBaby, with her huge red mane and Catholic school girl uniform,
and Tommy nudged Adam.
“It’s cool, huh? Jenny’s a fun girl. She’s like a goth more than a punk. She’s
nice to everyone on the scene, though.” Tommy got a cigarette out and tried to
light it one handed. LP came over and smoothly held the lighter for him.
“Thanks.” He took a drag off his cigarette and looked around.
“Hey, you fucker!” A cheer went up from a corner and Tommy saw a bunch of baby
punks who knew him. They were fourteen, fifteen to his seventeen, and had only
been going out for a few months now. One of them, a little brat named Colin,
stood up from where he and his friends had been passing a bottle. “We heard you
were in the hospital, why didn’t you die?” Colin and his little shithead
friends laughed.
“I did die. The Devil sent me back to torment you, asshole.” Tommy took another
drag off and grinned, watching Adam’s reaction. Adam’s wariness had been
replaced with something like enjoyment, although he still looked far too shy.
“Anything happen while I was out?”
“Nah Tommy, same old shit. Who’s the new kids and are you gonna send them to
Jez’s to get their hair fixed?” Colin was looking at Adam and Brad with faint
disapproval. Adam swallowed and looked at his shoes. Tommy stood closer to him.
“You shut the fuck up Colin, we all saw the hair you had two months ago. You
looked like Peter Fucking Frampton. These are my new friends, we’re just
hanging out.” Tommy took another hard drag off his cigarette, then threw it
into the gutter. “See you around you little shits.”
“Fuck you!” all the baby punks said in unison, and Tommy shook his head,
quirking up a grin at Adam. Adam grinned back. Tommy looked over at Brad who
didn’t seem as amused.
“So are today’s activities are going to be sitting on the street corner and
drinking vodka out of a Coke can? Charming.” Brad was pouting, and Tommy had to
admit it was kind of cute on him.
“Nope, that shit gets old after you’re fifteen-at least for me.” Tommy said.
“Let’s go to the bookstore down here and see how Pirate Pete’s doing.” Lisa and
LP nodded, Brad and Adam following along, giving each other wary looks.
Pirate Pete’s no-name bookstore was in a building that was about two more
cracks in the foundation from being condemned, and had a high ceiling with
wooden bookshelves that went up all the way. The books were generally old
hipster classics, with an emphasis on poetry. It smelled like old books, dust
and Indian food. Tommy walked up to an old office desk where a man with granny
glasses and a long beard was sitting, chicken tikki forgotten. “Hey Pirate
Pete, what’s up?”
“Tommy! It’s nice to see you,” Pete looked up and frowned. “But what did you do
to your hand?”
Brad giggled. “He tried to fix an infection with a razor blade and some
hydrogen peroxide.” Tommy made a face as Pete laughed.
“Oh Tommy, never change. Wait, on the other hand, please do, because you won’t
live to see twenty-one if you aren’t careful.” Pirate Pete looked around. “I
see you brought me two new potential customers.”
Tommy introduced Adam and Brad to Pirate Pete. “Pete is an old hippie who
volunteered for the Navy during the Vietnam War, because he wanted to get
material for a novel,” Tommy explained. “How’s that coming, anyway?”
Pete waved his hand. “Oh, comes and goes. Hey, don’t forget to come by Friday
for Happy Hour. It should be a lot of fun this time, word’s getting around.”
Tommy said he’d try to make it, and then disappeared into the poetry stacks.
Adam followed him.
“His bookstore has a happy hour?” Adam whispered, but Tommy saw Pirate Pete
cock an eyebrow over his copy of Dr. Sax. “I never heard of that before.”
“Yeah, every Friday they get a few six packs and then people take turns
standing on that footstool-“
“That’s the stage,” Pirate Pete interrupted.
“-and recite poetry. It can be theirs or someone else’s, but you get extra
points for having it memorized.” Tommy pulled out a book. “Hey, this is new.”
He flipped through the book. “Hmm, that’s a little not my style.”
Adam looked around, then made this breathless laughing noise. “Wow. I need to
get out of the musical theater world more.” He went looking through the poetry
stacks as well, fingers sliding over the spines of the books. Tommy watched his
hands until Adam caught him. “What?”
Tommy shook his head. “Nothing. Sorry.” He put his eyes back on the poetry
collections. Adam went over to another part of the store while Tommy looked
around and found a chapbook by Richard Hell. Fuck yeah, he was getting that.
Then he went looking for Adam and Brad. They were staring open-mouthed at a
wall of books and yep-they had found the gay fiction and history section.
Tommy came closer, and both Adam and Brad greeted him with twin looks of
horror, Adam looking like he was going to run for it. Tommy held up his good
hand. “It’s cool. Don’t worry about me. Or anybody else in here.” Adam paused
and then nodded. Tommy got closer. “You see anything good?”
Adam was bright red all over. “I, uh, yeah. I don’t know.” Brad had already
slipped away, so it was just him and Tommy talking. “I couldn’t take it home
with me anyway, Neil would find it. I haven’t told my parents.” Tommy felt a
tightening in his gut-Adam’s parents seemed good. Why couldn’t he tell them?
Then he remembered that the only person he knew that came out in high school
had to go live with his grandmother.
Tommy came closer. “Buy whatever you want, and I’ll keep it at Allen’s. I’ll
put it in with my books. It’s okay.” Tommy took a deep breath. “I mean, you
know it’s not just you.”
Adam nodded. “I know, Brad-“ Tommy cut him off with a hand on Adam’s arm. He
could feel Adam’s pulse under his hand.
“I mean, it’s not just you.” Tommy hated himself for it, but he felt a blush.
He had never been that blatant with anyone except Lisa. “I like both. I just
don’t do much about it.” Adam stared at him, not even flinching as the book in
his hand fell to the floor. Tommy looked down at it, and back at him. “I’m
sorry, shit. I should have said something earlier. But, I don’t really…”
“Me either,” Adam whispered. They were silent for a minute, then Adam bent to
pick up the book, hands still shaking. “I’ll get this one.” Tommy looked at it-
it was a book about the Stonewall era. Tommy smiled.
“History instead of porn? You’re a good boy.” Adam blushed even hotter and gave
him the finger. “I got it, you can pay for lunch later.” He took the books up
to Pirate Pete. On his way, Brad was half hidden behind one of the bookshelves.
He looked straight into Tommy's eyes.
“You goddamn well better know what you’re doing,” Brad whispered close to his
ear.
Tommy kept going, thinking Not a fucking clue.
Songs in this chapter:
“Forming”, by the Germs
“I Apologize” by Husker Du
“Take the Skinheads Bowling” by Camper Van Beethoven
Chapter End Notes
     Although I always said that "the Points" was a mix of places, it's
     strongly based on Five Points in Birmingham, AL. Pirate Pete and his
     bookstore is also based on a real guy and the short-lived stores he'd
     had at varying times.
***** Chapter Six *****
Chapter Summary
     Adam and Tommy go see James Dean and get closer.
Chapter Notes
     Thanks to everyone reading this. I just watched a documentary movie
     called Scenesters about the LA music scene of the 80's and how
     diverse and weird it was. I'd recommend it to any fan of this story.
     (The movie does have some technical problems, but so does this fic.)
After they left Pirate Pete’s, Tommy walked up with Lisa and LP, while Adam and
Brad lagged behind a bit. Tommy knew they probably needed to talk more, but he
couldn’t right then. He figured Adam was probably pretty fucking scared right
now.
Yeah. Adam was scared, that was all. Obviously he couldn’t be, right? Fuck.
Tommy shoved his hands inside his jacket pockets. He had his head down and
didn’t hear Lisa calling him until the third time.
“Tommy! We want to go to Patil’s for lunch, are you in?” Tommy looked at them
and almost said yeah, sure, but then he looked back at Adam and Brad. “I don’t
know. Maybe I’ll catch up with you later?” Tommy looked at Adam, who glared at
Brad. Brad just held his hands out. After Adam and Brad had some kind of freaky
telepathic communication, they both looked back and nodded. Tommy nodded back,
and they all headed down the street.
Tommy was seated between Adam and Brad. It was a little tense now, everyone
quiet and awkward. Lisa and LP didn’t notice, because they were talking
together like crazy. Tommy took his good hand to pull off a piece of garlic
naan and use it to smear through the saag paneer he had on his plate. Brad had
two samosas and some tea. Adam had tea and some nearly plain rice. Tommy looked
over at Brad when he felt another kick to his ankle. Brad just smiled at him,
winking. Tommy’s mouth quirked up on one side, it was going to be okay.
Patil’s Café had a good view of the street from the windows, and Adam was
watching all the people go by. Tommy watched Adam look, as he drank his tea and
pushed the rice around on his plate. Tommy felt that push in his chest again,
watching Adam too afraid to eat in front of others but not wanting to be alone.
He wanted to give Adam some of his paneer, but he knew that wouldn’t do any
fucking good.
“Hey,” Adam said, looking at a girl who was passing by the window. “Do you know
her? I like those tattoos.” Brad made a snorting noise next to him, as if
tattoos were going just one step too far.
“Oh yeah, I know her. She just got out of juvie last week. She must have gotten
those done inside.” Tommy smiled, he was glad to see her out. Adam and Brad
nearly spit their tea. Tommy, LP and Lisa all laughed.
Lisa grinned. “Don’t worry, not everyone Tommy knows has been in lockup. He
never has, for one.” Tommy laughed at that.
“It’s true, I run fast and I’ve never been caught yet.” LP raised an eyebrow at
that and Tommy’s smile faltered a bit. He ripped off another piece of naan to
cover it, and stilled when he felt Adam’s fingers lightly touch his wrist.
“How are you? It is hard to do everything left-handed? I’m sorry I didn’t ask
before.” Tommy looked at Adam and he was sincere. Tommy would laugh it off, but
the truth they shared at Pirate Pete’s was spilling over.
“Getting dressed is hard. Doing my homework is. The good thing about this food
is I don’t need a fork.” Tommy pinched the naan into a little pouch and
squished up some more spinach. He needed to eat more vegetables anyway. Brad
made a face.
Lisa and LP were still talking, and Tommy caught something about the Zero Sum.
“Yeah? How’s it doing?”
LP grinned. “That fucking anonymous rich punk Robin Hood strikes again. One
day, all the money for the damages just shows up in the mail. And they can not
only pay for everything, but wire Black Flag their money. What the fuck,
right?”
Tommy grinned. “Yeah. That’s pretty awesome. Too bad every town doesn’t have
one of those.” Adam and Brad looked confused, so Tommy continued. “There’s a
rich punk who pays for shit without leaving a name. Stuff like the Sum, I heard
that co-opt got five hundred dollars in start-up money, bands who lose
equipment sometimes get new stuff-“
“Not my old band,” Lisa said. “Probably because we sucked.” She nibbled on her
chicken curry.
LP just laughed. “Now my band, we got a whole new bass drum once.”
Brad raised an eyebrow, impressed.“So, some of these people wearing thrift
store clothes and homemade haircuts might actually have money. Good. I’ll have
to ask for some.” Adam started giggling at that and Brad just said “Oh shut up,
you asshole.” That made Tommy start laughing too.
After lunch they split up, Lisa and LP going to a music store to gawk over
instruments, and Tommy leading Brad and Adam to one of his favorite shops. It
was a mix of thrift and new clothes with everything from boots to jackets to
wigs and goth makeup. Tommy stuck near the boots while Adam looked at shirts
and jackets. Tommy caught Brad over by the wigs, and wondered if he was going
to start doing drag shows once he got out of high school. Shit, Tommy would go
to that.
“Oh fuck yeah,” Tommy said, causing Brad and Adam to turn around. Tommy
couldn’t help it, he was staring. He was damn near drooling. Up on a high shelf
was a pair of nearly knee-high Doc Martins, black and with those good thick
rubber soles. “Oh shit. I want to try those on.” He pointed up to them. “Those.
Fuck, boots of the gods, man.”
Adam looked up at them. “Wow, that’s pretty cool. Do you want them to get them
down for you?” Adam seemed fascinated by the boots, the pants with bondage
gear. Yeah, Tommy was noticing what got Adam interested. He wasn’t even going
to pretend otherwise now.
“Fuck Adam, there’s no way I could lace those things right now. I mean, I’ve
only got one hand and they go all the way up.” Tommy was still staring at them
though. “Fuck, they are beautiful.” Adam kept his eyes on them.
“Yeah, they are.” Adam turned to the nearest employee, a transvestite in a
rubber baby doll reading a true crime magazine at her counter. “Um, can we get
these boots down? My friend wants to try them on.”
Tommy looked over at Adam like what the fuck? Because he could not do it, he
only had the use of one arm and what the hell did Adam think he was doing-and
the transvestite just got the rolling ladder and got them down, handing them to
Adam. It was funny to watch Adam blush as he got an eyeful of the counter
girl’s red frilly panties, though. That almost made up for it.
The counter girl (Tommy didn’t actually know her, she must be new), handed Adam
the boots. “Here ya go honey, have fun.” Adam was still blushing, but he tugged
on Tommy’s good arm. “Where’s the dressing rooms in here?”
Um. “Um, they’re back over here.” Tommy gestured towards the back, where a
group of blue-painted boxes were. Adam grinned at him, boots in hand.
“Then that’s where we’re going.” Adam took Tommy’s left arm and guided him to
the dressing rooms. Tommy had just enough time to think OH, shit before they
found one and he was sitting on the bench inside it.
It was a pretty big dressing room, more than enough for two people. The door
went all the way to the floor, nobody could see in, and it locked. Adam slid
the lock in and then sat on the floor in front of him. Tommy tried very hard to
seem like this wasn’t exciting the shit out of him.
“Um, I’m just going to put these on you,” Adam said. Tommy smiled a little and
tried not to act like that was really fucking disappointing. I mean, he wanted
something to happen, but-right then his brain short-circuited as Adam unlaced
his Converse for him and slipped them off. “Shit Tommy, it’s time for some new
socks.”
Tommy laughed, and it came out a little choked. “Yeah, I think I’ve had those
on three days.” He stayed still and watched as Adam picked up one of the boots
and unconsciously rubbed the leather between his fingers. Then he unlaced the
boot and carefully slid it up Tommy’s leg.
Tommy bit his lip as he watched Adam slowly start lacing up the boot. Adam’s
fingers were shaking a little, and he kept his head down. Tommy figured he
didn’t know what he was signing up for when he decided to do this. But fuck it,
Tommy was enjoying it too. The sweet, tentative way that Adam was touching him
as he laced up the boot was making heat pool in his stomach. He could get hard
from this, he thought, as he looked at Adam kneeling between his legs.
When Adam was done, he pulled the boot laces a little to tighten them up, then
he started on the next one. Tommy didn’t even pretend not to be watching Adam
anymore, the nervous, determined look on his face as he slowly (fuck, so
slowly), and carefully laced the boot up Tommy’s leg. After the boots were
laced, Adam stroked his hand down Tommy’s leather covered calf, then pulled his
hand back. “Shit, sorry.” Adam looked embarrassed, flushed and-oh shit-he was
turned on. Really turned on, and huge. Tommy didn’t know what to do, so he just
smiled a little and tried to pretend it hadn’t happened.
“No, it’s okay.” Fuck yeah, it was more than okay. Tommy held his good hand
out. “Help me up so I can see how they look.”
They look amazing,” Adam said, voice husky and deep and Tommy shivered, just a
little. He had no idea why Adam was getting to him. Then Adam had one hand
wrapped around his and another on his shoulder, helping him up from the low
bench. Tommy watched Adam’s face, and he looked so serious, like he was
concentrating as hard as he could.
Then Tommy was standing up, in front of Adam. He moved slightly around him and
stood in front of the mirror. “Fuck, look at them.” The boots emphasized his
skinny legs, but also made him look powerful. “I feel fucking ten feet tall in
these.”
“Yeah.” Adam looked down at them, and his eyes moved up Tommy’s body. “You look
amazing.” Tommy smiled, thinking he knew what was going to come next.
“Yeah?” he said, trying to move forward, but as soon as he did, it was like
Adam had caught himself. He started stumbling back. “Wait, wait, I’m sorry. You
probably didn’t want me to do that, I know you’ve been really nice to me and
stuff, but-fuck, I’ll just go.” Adam headed for the door and started to undo
the latches.
“Adam!” Fuck, what was wrong with him? “Adam.” Tommy stopped him at the door.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s okay.” Tommy put a hand up on Adam’s
shoulder, near his neck. “It’s really okay.”
“You don’t want me that way, I shouldn’t have,” Adam whispered. “I shouldn’t
have even wanted.” Tommy felt his heart halfway break at that, because fuck.
That wasn’t even right.
“You can want things, don’t fuckin’ think you can’t, okay?” Tommy rubbed a hand
over Adam’s neck, and Adam relaxed a little. Tommy smiled at him, and Adam
smiled back about halfway. Tommy wanted to lean in again, kiss him, press him
close. Adam was blushing, but looking at Tommy straight on. Tommy licked his
lips...
“What the fuck is taking so-oh shit!” Brad was standing frozen in place where
he had jerked the door open. Adam squeaked and Tommy nearly cussed Brad out for
interrupting them. “Oh. Um. Fuck.” Brad for once was speechless. Tommy dropped
his hand from Adam’s neck, and Adam moved toward the door.
“Brad-“ But Brad wasn’t having any of it, backing up, his face angry. “Okay.
Fine. You guys jerk off in a public changing room, I’m going home.” Brad turned
and started down the stairs, fast.
“Brad!” Adam ran to go catch him. Of course he fucking did, Tommy thought. He
palmed his cock through his jeans, and then just grabbed his shoes and went
downstairs to pay for the boots. At least this way, he didn’t have to try to
explain the credit card. Fine. Fuck him.
Tommy didn’t see Adam again for another hour and a half. After the boots he had
swiped a half-pint of whiskey and a Coke from the corner store, and was
drinking his cocktail while JennyBaby and a whole bunch of girls took turns
drawing on his sling. They had Jenny’s radio and Tommy was starting to relax,
to feel better about the whole fucking clusterfuck that was fucking Adam.
Well, maybe he was starting to feel a little better.
Tommy was sharing his Coke with a new girl named Camila and looking at the
Watchman she had with her when he heard a “Tommy?” said from somewhere a little
too close. He glared up at Adam, who was standing near the group. He was
twisting his hands a little, and Tommy thought about that hand on his calf. It
almost made him hard again, but he wasn’t giving in that easily.
“Can I fuckin’ help you?” Tommy took another drink of his Coke, and the girls
went silent, wondering what was going on. Camile glared daggers at Adam, which
was funny since she and Tommy had only known each other for about thirty
minutes.
“Can I talk to you?” Adam said, and Tommy looked around. “I mean, we can talk
and I can just call my parents or catch the bus back home if that’s what you-“
“Okay, fine.” Tommy shoved himself up and nearly misbalanced. JennyBaby held
him steady, her eyes on Adam. Tommy pushed past Adam, snarling. “Come on.
There’s a little park over here.” Adam blinked at him, then followed. Tommy
didn’t look back until they were in the park, named after a monk that did good
works a hundred years ago. He sat on a park bench and waited until Adam sat
down too. “You left me alone,” he started. Adam almost said something and Tommy
continued. “You left me alone with a hard-on and took off after Brad. Is he
your ex, or something?”
“I’m sorry. I had to follow Brad out. He was angry. And no, we kissed a couple
of times, but he’s not my ex.” He could tell that Adam wanted him to look at
him, but Tommy kept his eyes on his new boots. They really did look fantastic.
“Brad worries about me. My family does, everyone does. It’s not about you, not
really. They’re just-scared.”
“Why are they scared?” Tommy said, still not looking up. “Did something
happen?” When he didn’t get an answer right away, he did look up. Adam was
staring at some flowering bushes near the bench. There was a homeless man
sleeping in its shade.
“I don’t-I don’t like to talk about it. I’m sorry. Just-not yet.” Tommy nodded,
then took a deep breath.
“Well, it’s good you have a secret, because I do too. Here’s a deal, I won’t
ask about what happened, and you don’t ask me about my family.” Tommy held
Adam’s eyes. “I mean it, because I won’t say anything.”
Adam looked back at him, gentle concern in his eyes. Tommy didn’t see any pity,
or he would have left right then. “There’s a lot of rumors about that. People
say a lot of things about you.” Tommy ran his hand through his blond spiky
hair.
“And I never answer. Ever. I just don’t want to get into it. Look, I said it
was okay, and it is. And if you want to, that’s-yeah. I want to.” Tommy looked
over at Adam, who was staring at him. Adam looked shocked, then he let out a
long breath.
“Oh wow, I didn’t expect that when you asked me to come today. Did you-was this
a date?” Adam was grinning at him full on now, and Tommy grinned back. “Oh my
fucking god, I have don’t have a clue about that stuff.”
“I think it is now. I haven’t done much with guys. So we’re probably on the
same page.” Tommy took another swig of his Coke and then handed it to Adam, who
sniffed it.
“Wow, how much is in here? Okay…” He took a swig and coughed a little. Tommy
started giggling and Adam gasped out, “Oh, fuck you,” and then they kept
laughing for the next two minutes.
*
Adam and Tommy met back up with Lisa and LP at the Palace an hour later. Lisa
had come very close to buying a new keyboard, and LP talked in detail the
sticks he’d gotten. After that, they had-well, they never said for sure and
Tommy sure as fuck wasn’t going to ask. Maybe they just got high-LP was known
for having good shit on him. Anyway, they were in front of the Palace, trying
to decide if they were going to see the whole show.
“I’m fucking saying, James Dean’s screen test,” Tommy argued, looking at the
marquee. “And I like East of Eden.”
“You’re the only one, then.” Tommy turned at the new voice and big fucking
surprise, there was Anoop and Megan. Megan was all dressed up like she was
going to a dance party, with boots instead of high heels. Good for her. Anoop
looked like he always did. “Hi, we might see some of the movies, if we’re still
invited.”
“Of fucking course you’re still invited,” Tommy said, grinning. He introduced
LP and Lisa to Anoop and Megan.
LP looked at Anoop for a minute, considering. “Wait, I’ve heard of you. Aren’t
you that kid at Jefferson who ran for student class president and the jock
running against you ran a racist campaign?”
“Yep, and he won.” Anoop said easily.
“And a couple of weeks later, that guy’s car turned up with all the windows
busted.”
“Yes. Good thing I was away for the weekend, I wonder who did that.” LP and
Anoop shared a smirk. Tommy was nearly giggling under his hand. Megan smiled
angelically, like they were talking about parties or something. Adam just
looked stunned.
“Wait, how did you guys know-“Tommy shot him a look, and Adam shut his mouth
quickly. LP winked.
“Word gets around. Anyway, we’re trying to decide if we’re really going to see
all of these. Tommy wants to see the whole thing. Hey Adam, whole thing or just
come back later for Rebel?”
“Um. Whole thing I guess.” Adam looked at Tommy again, and Tommy nodded. Good.
Fuckin’ great.
Megan shrugged. “I don’t think we can stay that late. And I’ve seen both of
them on video.”
“It’s not the same as seeing them in the theater,” Tommy argued, and Lisa
rolled her eyes, playfully shoving him.
“Your James Dean thing is now known to everyone, Tommy. Come on, we’ll all go
in and then leave as we want. I think they’ll let us back in.” She headed
toward the ticket seller.
It turned out they did, and after they all paid Tommy and Adam went in, Lisa
and LP, and Megan and Anoop stayed outside a bit, chatting with a street
musician that Tommy knew. Tommy acted like he was going to follow Lisa and LP,
but then he pulled Adam’s hand. “Hey. This way.” Tommy showed him some stairs
behind a sign that said “No Trespassing.”
“Hey, what-“ Adam tried to protest, but Tommy slipped over the chain and let
Adam up. “Come on, quick,” he said, and they went up the stairs before an usher
saw them. “Up here,” Tommy said as they went up the stairs and around a huge,
crumbling balcony. “Watch your step. They haven’t finished restoring this
part.”
“Oh, great,” Adam muttered as they walked carefully until Tommy found what he
was looking for.
“Here we fuckin’ go.” It was a theater box, old fashioned, with walls around
the sides. “Nice, huh? It’s like the show’s just for us.”
Adam looked over at him. “God, nobody can see us up here, can they?” He blushed
a little. “Wow, thank you. This is great.” He snuggled back into the fraying
red velvet seat. “Um, I guess that means-“
“It means whatever you want it to.” Tommy said, smiling a little. “I am going
to watch at least some of the movies, though.” Adam laughed, the great one he
had when he didn’t care what he looked like and his whole face lit up.
“Tease,” Adam said, and Tommy moved in close just as the theater lights went
dark.
Tommy was holding still, waiting. There were a few previews, some other shit
about donating money to the theater for the reconstruction, yeah, yeah, get to
the good stuff. When they started running the screen test for Rebel, Tommy sat
up straight, leaning in. He just watched it, black and white footage of Dean,
Sal Mineo, and Natalie Wood. He had never seen it before, this version of the
scene, but it was like covering a song-familiar and not at once. He winced a
little when Plato started to cry, and looked at Adam, who seemed to be feeling
the same.
It was over too soon, and then East of Eden began. Tommy had curled back into
Adam’s side while this came on. His arm was hurting though, a dull ache that
told him it had been too long between pain pills. He tried not to be obvious
about gritting his teeth, because he really did want to see it again-the family
conflict and the way Dean played the outcast son. But when Adam jostled him he
forgot to be stoic and actually fucking whimpered.
Adam looked over at him. “Are you okay?” Tommy shook his head, feeling like an
idiot. “My hand,” he said. Adam looked confused. “I haven’t taken enough pain
pills today. I just drank a lot. That doesn’t help as much as you’d think.”
“Do you want me to get you something? Like a Coke?” Adam whispered, putting a
hand on his shoulder. He looked very serious, eyes shining in the dim light.
Tommy nodded. “I would. But…we you bring some popcorn for us to share?” Adam
looked like he was going to protest, but Tommy kept going. “You’ve been out all
day and you haven’t eaten anything. Just some popcorn, I won’t watch you eat.”
“I’ve gone longer,” Adam said, voice quiet. “But okay. Just….don’t give me too
much shit about it.” He stood up. “I’ll be back soon.”Tommy nodded shortly, and
watched as Adam slipped out of their enclosure. He watched the movie, the throb
in his arm keeping time with his heartbeat.
Adam came back a few minutes later, Tommy watching the movie rapt. Adam had to
nudge him a little, then nearly dumped the cokes and popcorn in Tommy’s lap.
“Sorry. Um, I got you some M&M’s too. If you want them, I mean.”
“Sugar,” Tommy said, grinning. He took a Coke and took two of his pain pills at
once. Then he got a handful of M&M’s and popcorn mixed. Without thinking, he
offered his candy to Adam and got met with a glare. “Hey, sorry, I just
forgot.”
“It’s okay.” Adam nibbled at the popcorn, not looking at Tommy. They ate
silently, Tommy still focused on the movie. Adam watched it, half-interested.
After a while, he whispered to Tommy, “I understand Rebel, but why do you like
this one so much? It’s kind of…old-fashioned.”
Tommy watched it for a minute more. “Mostly because of Dean, really. But…it’s
such a classic story. Everyone fights for dominance in families, right?
Brothers, fathers, everyone. I don’t really like the book, though.”
“Me either,” Adam answered. They were still whispering, even though there was
nobody nearby. “My favorite book is One Flew Over the Cookoo’s Nest. And other
stuff like that, that I got from my dad.”
“Hippie books,” Tommy said, grinning at him. Adam elbowed him, then apologized
when Tommy hissed. “Fuck, those pills better kick in soon. I’m not supposed to
be drinking on these antibiotics.”
And fuck, that was the wrong thing to say, because Adam actually looked pissed
off. “So why don’t you stop drinking so fucking much then? Are you trying to
get your hand amputated, you idiot?”
If Adam had said that to him even an hour earlier, Tommy would have knocked the
popcorn out of his hand and stormed off. Nobody told him what to do, ever. But
Tommy just stared at Adam, who stared him back down. Tommy dropped his head,
and then felt that beautiful, soft hand on his neck. “Just try harder. You need
to get better. That sling looks stupid.”
Tommy had to chuckle a little at that. “Yeah. It’s driving me crazy.” Tommy had
no idea if he even could, but he would try. He’d go back to the fucking doctor
next week.
They didn’t say a whole lot after that, Tommy just ate his candy and some of
the popcorn. He tried to leave a lot for Adam, but he just nibbled on it. Tommy
watched Adam’s face, glowing in the light of the Technicolor movie. And again,
Adam caught him, but this time, he didn’t duck his head. He stared back.
Tommy looked back at him and then leaned in a little more. He was expecting
Adam to kiss him or grab him or rub his hand over Tommy’s dick, any of those
things. What he didn’t expect was for Adam to reach over and gently wrap a hand
around his, with the M&M box still in it.
Tommy nearly fucking dropped it. Tommy looked over at Adam, eyes huge. What was
he doing? Tommy had fucked girls in alleys, cars, bathrooms, backrooms of
clubs, he had given blowjobs in the rec rooms of boys he got wasted with, their
parents fighting over their heads. He’d been with two girls, he’d fucked a girl
one morning and her sister the next day. Nobody had ever held his hand.
Adam looked as terrified as Tommy must have, but he didn’t let so. Instead, his
long, soft fingers stroked down Tommy’s wrist, and Tommy had to close his eyes.
It was so…gentle. Sweet. Nobody was ever this way with him.
Slowly, Tommy moved even closer to Adam, until he was almost in his lap. Adam
took the candy and popcorn out of his hand and sat them down on the floor. He
put an arm around Tommy’s waist, holding him nearly to Adam’s chest. Tommy was
held in place, propped up on Adam, who looked at him, nervous. “Okay?”
“Yes,” Tommy said, tipping his face up. He belatedly realized how long he had
been waiting for this when Adam bridged the gap and touched his mouth to
Tommy’s. “Yeah,” he whispered again, leaning in further and kissing Adam back,
keeping it gentle, trying not to scare him.
“Thought it would be rougher,” Adam whispered. “When I saw you that first time,
thought you were gonna push me against a wall and kiss me hard.” He brushed
another gentle kiss across Tommy’s lips and Tommy thought he was seriously
going to fucking die.
“I probably would have, but this is fun too,” Tommy answered, and kissed Adam
deeper this time. Adam whimpered into his mouth and grabbed Tommy harder, which
made Tommy’s arm hurt like a bitch but he just bit at Adam’s lower lip. Adam
actually fucking growled, and Tommy felt hot all over.
East of Eden ended and Rebel began and Tommy just kept on kissing Adam, hand up
in his hair. Adam had one hand on Tommy’s jaw while the other held Tommy close.
“God, amazing,” Adam said, his voice gone so low that Tommy could feel it in
his guts. “You are so beautiful,” he said, staring at Tommy. “I have no idea
what you’re doing here with me.”
Tommy got hotter just from the look Adam was giving him. He was so hard. “I
want to be here.” Really, that’s all there was to it. “I don’t do anything I
don’t want to.” Tommy kissed him again, harder. Adam stopped talking and ran
his hand down Tommy’s chest, rubbing him gently through the shirt. Tommy thrust
up, trying to get that hand lower. Adam stilled, not moving his hand from
Tommy’s chest. Tommy licked his lips. “I-fuck. You can do more. It’s okay.”
Adam kissed him again, but gentler. “I don’t-I want you, but I’m-not in the
theater. I want us to be alone,” he said, kissing Tommy’s cheek.
“We are fucking alone,” Tommy growled, “there’s nobody up here and nobody’s
gonna find us and I’m dying.” Tommy kissed Adam again, trying to take control,
but Adam was strong, and pulled back a little, panting.
“I just want it to be good,” he said, so quietly that Tommy had to strain to
hear. “I haven’t, and I just want it-I don’t want anything crazy. But I want it
to be…”
“Special?” Tommy said, his head resting on Adam’s shoulder.
“I think I just want there to be a bed.” Tommy smiled at him, and as much as
Adam was giving him blue balls, he was okay with that.
***** Chapter Seven *****
Chapter Summary
     The night takes a violent turn.
Chapter Notes
     Thanks to everyone who still reads this.
Adam and Tommy spent the rest of the film alternating lazy making out with
actually watching the movie. Adam had seen it before, but not on a big screen,
and he would occasionally be distracted by it until Tommy nuzzled his neck or
bit his earlobe.
“You’re the one who wanted to see it,” Adam said, kissing Tommy again, hand on
the back of his neck.
“I know,” Tommy said, and his smile was lazy and satisfied. “But I’ve seen it a
lot. You’re new.” Adam giggled and kissed Tommy’s cheek, of all fucking things.
Tommy just shook his head. Adam was a crazy son of a bitch sometimes.
They stopped making out at the ending though, holding hands tight as they
watched Plato get shot, and Jim’s dad come to help him up. Tommy looked over
and saw tears in Adam’s eyes, and he swallowed around the lump in his throat.
“Hey Tommy,” Adam whispered, “Plato…he was in love with Jim, right?”
“Oh yeah,” Tommy said. “I don’t see how it makes sense otherwise. That whole
‘father’ bullshit is just because it was the 50’s.” Adam nodded and let go of
Tommy’s hand as the lights came up. Tommy had to try not to grab it again. “And
anyway, both Sal Mineo and James Dean were bi.” Tommy stepped carefully and
they got out of there.
“Yeah? Wow.” Adam said. “I knew about Sal but not James.” Tommy just nodded as
they snuck down the stairs and stood in the lobby, waiting for everyone else.
Again, Tommy had to remember that he couldn’t just take Adam’s hand in the
middle of the goddamn lobby. Adam looked over at him, eyes wistful, and he knew
he was thinking it to.
I gotta get him to Allen’s, Tommy thought. A mattress on the floor is as good
as a bed, right? Tommy was interrupted from that thought at a “Hey!” that came
from Megan. Her and Anoop came over, and he had an arm around Megan. “Where did
you guys go?”
“We were in the back,” Adam said, and then blushed when both Megan and Anoop
raised an eyebrow. “Oh come on, where were you?” Megan giggled and Tommy
thought she looked cute glowing like that.
“Never mind, we should go. We need to get to Anoop’s long enough for me to talk
to his parents before he takes me home.” They looked at Anoop, who shrugged.
“My mom likes to chat with Megan, it makes her happy.” Anoop put a hand on
Megan’s back. “We’ll see you at school.” Adam waved at them.
“Bye,” Tommy said, then looked over at Adam. “His parents? Do Anoop’s parents
think he’s gonna marry her out of high school or something?” Adam quirked his
eyebrows, something Tommy had never seen him do before. Tommy wondered how many
little habits Adam had been hiding around him, out of shyness. He hoped he’d
get to see a lot of them.
“Well, I know his parents had a traditional arranged marriage. I think they
have a hard time seeing any relationship not ending that way. So yeah, they
might think that. Hell, for all I know, Megan and Anoop might think that, I
never asked.”
“It would be kind of a hard thing to bring up,” Tommy said, then grinned when
LP and Lisa showed up. “Hi!” Lisa came over and hugged Tommy. “You look happy,”
she whispered in his ear. He playfully batted her away.
LP got out a cigarette. “So where are we going now? There’s no shows tonight.”
Lisa shrugged.
“Let’s go to Revolution Records,” Tommy said. “I wanna talk to Monte.” He
turned to Adam, “You gotta meet this guy, he’s hilarious.” Adam just grinned.
“Sure, whatever you want,” Adam said, voice low-and fuck, was he purring? Oh
god. Tommy had to will himself not to get a hard-on. The walk to Revolution was
about a block down, and Tommy could see the little fading Grateful Dead bears
that were now mostly covered with Misfits and D.R.I stickers. There was a
Subhumans poster in the window, a lot like the logo Tommy had on his leather
jacket. Adam walked closer to him than was strictly needed, and LP caught
Tommy’s eye, nodding slightly. Tommy nodded back, getting the message: Good
luck, but be careful.
Monte met them at the door. “Hi! I’m about to close for the night, you want to
come in for a minute? I’ve got some coffee brewing.” Monte was an old hippie
who rather abruptly went punk rock somewhere around ’85. He changed his entire
store merchandise, alienated all his old friends and became sort of a mascot of
the punk scene Tommy was a part of. Nearly every time Tommy went to an all-ages
show, Monte would be near the back, with his ever-present coffee cup (the
motherfucker didn’t even drink, limiting himself to strong imported coffee and
Mexican weed). He wasn’t a creep-most older people on the scene were trying to
score with either young girls or boys. But no, Monte was still married to his
lovely wife of 15 years, who ran a home based crafting co-opt and also gave
guitar lessons to girls only. What a weird fucking family.
Tommy grinned. “That’s okay Monte. Hey, I asked you if I could volunteer once a
week, you got a space open for me?”
Monte nodded absently and went to look at his little notebook schedule. “Let’s
see-I have a time open on Friday nights. Is that okay?”
Tommy had to shake his head. “No, I’m in theater class now. I have to be there
for rehearsals. Oh Monte, meet my friend from drama class. This is Adam, he’s a
singer.”
Monte took Adam’s hand and shook it, then transferred the coffee cup back.
“Nice to meet you,” he said looking back at his notebook. “Well Tommy, I might
have a place open on Wednesdays after school if you can make it. Come in and
work four hours and you’ll get store credit. Oh, and what happened to your
hand?”
“Long story Monte, it involved a punch to the jaw and a hospital visit.” Tommy
smirked. Monte nodded.
“Well, you take care of that arm and we’ll see you-“ He cut off as a chorus of
screams and shrieks were heard from down the street. “Oh shit!” Tommy saw them
first: shaved heads, red suspenders. “Fucking skinheads! Run!” Tommy grabbed
Adam’s arm.
“Incoming!” Monte grabbed the baseball bat he kept nearby and stood to defend
his store. Tommy looked and saw a rock go through the just-fixed marquee of The
Palace. “Fuck, we gotta go!” Lisa and LP were already running. “Car’s this
way!” He had to nearly drag Adam before he started, because he was staring at
the shaved head thugs running full on down the street.
Tommy heard screaming and glass breaking everywhere, there had to be two dozen
of them. He could hear Monte yelling “Nazi fuckers!” and what sounded like a
baseball bat to the skull. Tommy saw JennyBaby leaving a store and yelled “Run!
Jenny, run!” Jenny took off but a skinhead girl grabbed her by the hair,
pulling her head back hard. “LP!” Tommy yelled. Tommy watched as LP stopped,
grabbed a metal garbage can, and threw it in a perfect arc. It hit a whole
group of shaved head fuckers, knocking at least one out. The skinhead girl ran.
“What the fuck?” Adam said, running next to him. “Why?” Tommy could hear them
behind him. “Seig Heil! Seig Heil! White power! Kill the hippies! Kill the
faggots!” This wasn’t a club riot, it was a fucking siege, and he couldn’t do
anything. His arm was dangling around his chest, useless.
“I’ve never seen this many before, shit!” Tommy kept running, even though his
arm hurt and he wasn’t that fast. Also, he wouldn’t leave Adam behind. A brick
went through a window near them, making Adam scream. “Come on, Lisa’s got the
car!”
Lisa and LP had gotten into the car safely and were now backing it up towards
Tommy and Adam. “Fuck, get in!” yelled Lisa. LP opened the back door and Tommy
was going to let Adam in first, but Adam shoved him inside just as four
motherfuckers showed up.
“Adam!” Tommy reached to grab Adam one-handed and pull him into the car, but
Adam shrieked, he made this unholy screeching sound that sounded like an opera
singer being gutted, and then he kicked the nearest fucker in the balls,
doubling him over. Then he shoved the guy he just kicked into his friend and
sort of jumped backwards into the car and slammed the door, Lisa taking off
with the other white power scum banging on the hood.
Lisa hit the gas as hard as she could and they screeched tires out of there.
Behind them, there was the tinkle of breaking glass and yelling. “Oh god. Oh
fuck, Adam are you okay?” Tommy tried to get Adam to look at him. “Adam?”
Adam sat there, pale, for a second, staring straight ahead. Then he gagged, and
he got the window rolled down just in time to puke out the window. Tommy
tentatively put a hand on Adam’s back, but took it away when he flinched. When
Adam was done, he just flopped back in the seat. Tommy could see the tears on
his face. “I asked you if I was going to be safe. Fuck, Tommy.” Tommy didn’t
say anything, just hung his head down.
LP looked back at them. “Adam. I swear to you I’ve never seen that before.
They’ve been around and gotten into fights, but they never rampaged the street
like that. We didn’t know.” LP’s voice was low and tight, and Tommy knew that
LP was already making plans to get his friends and pay a little visit to that
pool hall they kept as a HQ.
Lisa had her eyes on the road, hands shaking, but she said “It’s true. That
was-oh god. You did great Adam.”
Adam shook his head, but Tommy said “No, you were. And I’m sorry. I didn’t
think that would happen.” He reached for Adam again, putting a hand on Adam’s
leg. Adam didn’t respond, but didn’t move it either. He was still crying, so
Tommy tried to cheer him up. “You’re gonna have to teach me to scream like
that. It sounded fucking terrifying.”
Adam huffed out a laugh in the middle of his tears. “Opera lessons, guys.”
They all laughed, a little hysterically, as Lisa took the back roads down to
LP’s place. “We don’t want the cops to see us out-shit.” Just then, there were
lights behind them. “Everyone get your ID’s, I guess. I never got pulled over
before, fuck.”
Tommy looked over at Adam, who had frozen against the seat. “Just take out your
ID, slowly, and have it ready. Be cool, they’re probably not going to do
anything.” Tommy moved his hand from Adam’s leg, hating that he had to. Lisa
pulled the car over and waited. LP got his ID out and went blank, showing no
emotion on his face. Tommy got his out. “Adam, you got yours?
 
“Yeah, I do.” They all went still, Adam trying to hide his tear tracks by
ducking his head.
The cops didn’t say anything, didn’t give an explanation as to why they stopped
the car, they just shined their flashlights in everyone’s faces. Lisa rolled
down her window. “Hi. Is there a problem, officer?”
The cops kept shining the flashlights on them for a minute. Then the one on
Lisa’s side said “Driver’s license and insurance, Miss.” Lisa handed him both,
and slowly put her purse back down. The cop looked at both of them. “You kids
just come from the Points?” Lisa and LP shook their heads.
The other cop shone a light in Adam’s eyes. “This one doesn’t look too well.
You been drinking?” Adam stiffened up, and dropped his eyes.
“No sir.”
The cop kept shining his light into Adam’s eyes. “You puke on the side of the
car, boy?”
Adam swallowed, and Tommy said “He’s not feeling well. We’re taking him home.”
The cop moved his flashlight to Tommy, blinding him.
“Okay, you in the back with the blond hair, Billy Idol. Let’s see your ID.”
Tommy looked up at the cop with no expression and handed him his card. He
watched the cop look at it, then look back at him again, then read the name a
second time. Tommy didn’t move, didn’t say a word. The cops looked at each
other, then gave everyone their cards back. The cop on Lisa’s side looked at
her and just said “Okay, that’s enough. Get home and don’t come back out
tonight. We’re closing the Points down.”
“Yes officer”, Lisa said, putting her ID away. LP didn’t move until they got
going again, then turned around and gave Tommy a long look. Tommy didn’t move
or say anything, but LP just nodded as if something had been confirmed for him.
Lisa dropped LP off and he squeezed her shoulder, said bye to Adam and Tommy,
and bounded up the stairs to his apartment. Tommy could see the Bad Brains
poster in the window. Tommy turned to Adam, “Hey, are you-“ but stopped when he
saw more tears on Adam’s face.
Adam didn’t even look at him. “Lisa, take me home please.” She caught his eyes
in the rearview and nodded, driving away from LP’s place. Adam didn’t say
anything else all the way back to his place, just rubbed his face after he
stopped crying. When they pulled up to Adam’s house, the porch lights were
still on and Tommy realized it was only about nine o’clock. He reached out, for
Adam again.
“Adam, can I call you?” Adam glared at him, and Tommy felt pinned by the dark
gray anger in his eyes. “Adam, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“
 
“I’ll talk to you later,” Adam said, voice flat. “I have to go now. I’ll see
you.” He got out of the car and slammed the door, going inside quickly. Tommy
just watched him go, and felt a kind of numb cold go over him. Lisa already had
him by the arm, talking.
“Tommy, he’ll be back. You’ll see him and it’ll be okay. He’s just mad.” Tommy
could barely hear her over the numb feeling in his body. Lisa kept talking, and
started driving. Tommy didn’t even think to ask where they were going at first.
Then he said “Please don’t take me to my house right now.”
“I’m not. I’m taking you to mine,” Lisa said, eyes on the road. Tommy tried to
protest but Lisa interrupted him. “No, I know you’d love to go see Brent right
now. He’ll fill the bowl, sell you some more drugs and probably suck your dick,
but you’ll feel even worse tomorrow. And I know your arm hurts. You’re coming
to my house, my dad misses seeing you.” Again, Tommy didn’t bother protesting.
They got to Lisa’s house a few minutes later, a rather pretty stone house that
had climbing tea roses. Her dad was a good gardener as well. Tommy felt pretty
fucking guilty when he came in-he really hadn’t seen Lisa’s dad in a while. He
met them as they came in, and fixed them bowls of soup and bread he had made
that day.
Lisa had both parents present and accounted for, but her mom was a radical
feminist Women’s Studies professor at the university, and spent most of her
time lecturing and working. Lisa’s dad was a homemaker/part time guitar maker.
Tommy rarely saw Lisa’s mom, but she tolerated him about as well as she did
anyone who wasn’t an academic.
If he was forced to by threat of losing his record collection, Tommy would
admit that he kind of loved Paul, Lisa’s dad. The only problem with having a
parent for a friend was that Paul could tell something was wrong and kept
asking him about it. The more he asked, the quieter Tommy got until he was
staring into his potato soup. Paul finally just came over and patted his good
shoulder. Tommy closed his eyes, glad that Lisa had made a decision for him. He
wanted the comfort of Lisa’s house so much, he would have never asked for it.
After dinner, Paul wanted to look at Tommy’s arm, and Tommy let him. They went
into the kitchen, and Tommy could hear the fast typing on keys that meant
Lisa’s mother was hard at work on her latest paper. Paul undid the sling and
took off the gauze, leaving the brace on. It wasn’t as swollen, but it still
hurt like a motherfucker when Paul poked at it. “Looks like you need to do back
to the doctor, TJ,” Paul said. He was one of the people who could get away with
calling him that. “You need to see what’s wrong, it shouldn’t be hurting you by
now.” Tommy just nodded.
“Why are you so quiet tonight?” Lisa’s dad frowned, which was a good look for
him. Lisa’s father was good looking enough to be an actor in the “aging
gracefully” stage, which Lisa found funny and Paul embarrassing. Tommy shook
his head.
“I kind of got my hopes up,” is all he would say. Paul nodded and got him some
tea before bed. Tommy really wanted some whiskey in it, but he always tried to
respect Lisa’s house. Lisa knew that of course, the little bitch-she was trying
to keep him from drinking his ass blind.
Paul helped Tommy get his boots off. He just closed his eyes and thought about
nothing. Nothing at all.
He wound up in Lisa’s room, watching Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains
on Night Flight. They never seemed to get tire of airing that movie, and every
punk girl Tommy knew never got tired of watching it. He always watched it too,
because fuck yeah, Diane Lane. And as a bonus, the hot bassist from the Clash,
which was also nice. Lisa was letting him rest his head on her shoulder.
“I was having such a good fucking time,” he said suddenly, then wished he could
shut up forever. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he had given Lisa an opening. He tried to
pull away, but Lisa had a hand over his neck, holding him close.
“Yeah? Tell me what happened?” And Tommy told her everything she’d missed, the
boots, Brad freaking out, the park, and making out in the balcony. “It was one
of the best days I’ve had in-fuck, so long, Lisa. And now he hates me.” Fucking
Lisa and her fucking beautiful calm house-it was like fucking truth serum.
Lisa stroked Tommy’s hair, making him flinch. “Tommy, it’ll be okay. I think-
you said something had happened to him. Maybe the whole thing was about that.”
Tommy closed his eyes.
“He asked me if he would be safe, and he wasn’t and that’s my fault.” Tommy
propped himself halfway up on pillows, easier to sleep that way with the
arm.“You want me to sleep here, on the floor, or in the guest room?” Lisa’s
parents didn’t give a shit if she had a boy in her bedroom, and Paul seemed to
realize that they were platonic anyway. Lisa took her hand off Tommy’s neck.
“Wherever you want, you can stay here if you like. But Tommy-you weren’t the
one attacking the car. It was those Nazi fuckheads. I hope LP and his buddies
beat the shit out of them.” Tommy nodded, the idea of LP smacking a skinhead
idiot over the head with a pool cue a nice thought to sleep to.
Tommy woke up the next morning, head pounding. He was hungover and he didn’t
have any fucking pain pills on him, motherfucker. Lisa was already awake and
padding around her room in her sweatpants and Siouxsie and the Banshees t-
shirt. She looked over when Tommy stared at her bleary-eyed, and smiled. “Let
me get breakfast.”
Breakfast turned out to be coffee and toast with minimal butter, which is
probably all he could handle anyway. Lisa turned on the TV and they clicked
between MTV and Jimmy Swaggart as they ate silently. One minute a hair band
would be wailing, the next they were going to go to hell for drinking and
listening to rock music. Tommy figured that while Dokken should be hell-worthy,
that was probably an academic matter.After a while, Tommy said, “Hey, can you
take me to Allen’s? I need a shower and I kind of want to crash there for a
while.”
Lisa nodded. “Okay, you can take a shower here after I get done, though.” Tommy
knew he could, but he never wanted to be more of a burden on Lisa’s family than
he already was. He just let Lisa kiss his forehead and go to the bathroom with
her robe, and he went downstairs to wait.
Paul talked to Tommy over his breakfast of poached eggs and ham, and Tommy
tried not to gag-his stomach was still pretty fucking queasy. After Tommy had
promised Paul that he would go to the doctor and do whatever they said for real
this time, Lisa finally showed up.
Paul squeezed his shoulder goodbye. “You come back. I can’t wait for your arm
to get better, we need to jam again.” Paul was a hell of a guitar player, but
acoustic only. He and Tommy would get together sometimes and play old blues
songs. (Tommy refused to play anything hippie, but had no problem with blues,
so that was their compromise.) Tommy nodded and smiled a little. Lisa was
right, it had been too long.
Lisa drove Tommy mostly in silence, they didn’t even play the radio. Tommy
wanted to ask her things-was she interested in LP, did she even like guys-but
he was tired and hurting. He just wanted to go to Allen’s, take care of the
animals and rest. It was peaceful there. Tommy had his head back and was almost
asleep when Lisa pulled up. “Here you are honey.”
Tommy rubbed his eyes. “Thank you for everything. Tell your dad I said thanks
too.” Lisa kissed his cheek.“Take care of yourself, “she said before driving
off. Tommy fiddled around for the key, thinking Yeah, because I’m really good
at that.
Allen’s was a little musty-he had to clean up soon. First he fed the animals,
taking Leatherface out and playing with her a while, then slowly took off his
sling. His head still hurt, and his arm ached dully. It felt like it might be
getting better-it had hurt more yesterday. He looked down at his boots and
decided to leave them on, then curled on the mattress with the fraying sheets.
He was thinking about how silent and final it was to sleep alone, right before
he went under.
When Tommy woke up, it was dark, and he was blinking, trying to adjust his
sight as he heard a knock on the door. It was pretty insistent, so Tommy
struggled up from the mattress and staggered in the direction of the door. He
ran into a milk crate full of records on his way there. “Fuck! Okay, coming!”
He stumbled over and pulled the locks free, opening the door.
Adam was standing there, eyes wide and looking miserable. “Tommy? Can I talk to
you? “ Tommy stood there, and noticed how cold it had gotten since he was last
awake. The wind was coming in, making Tommy shiver. Adam looked afraid, like he
wasn’t expecting another chance. He had given Tommy at least three.
“Yeah, come in,” Tommy said, letting Adam in and turning on a lamp.
Tommy walked back toward the tiny stove on the other side of the room, not
looking at Adam. “Hey, I can fix us some tea,” he said, filling up the silence
that was taking up too much of the fucking room.
“I-yeah. Tea’s nice. Please.” Tommy didn’t look up, just put some water on from
the sink and started looking for the mugs and tea tin, when he felt Adam near
his shoulder. “I just wanted to say I was sorry. And explain, a little.”
Tommy nodded, still not looking. “Okay, go ahead.” Tommy put the water on to
boil and put two mugs on the table, with a tea bag in each. “Tell me what I
did.”
Adam made this exasperated, sad noise. “Fuck Tommy. It wasn’t you and it was
just scary and overwhelming and I’m so sorry. I knew I shouldn’t have just left
you like that. I’ve been looking for you all day, where were you?”
“Lisa forced me to go home with her,” Tommy said, laughing a little. “She knew
if she left it up to me, I might still be puking my guts out.” Brent had great
stuff, but mixing was never a good idea, and yet Tommy did that all the time.
“I don’t-“Tommy said suddenly. “Lisa’s like a sister to me. Don’t think
anything happened, because it never has.”
“I didn’t really think so,” Adam said, still looking down. Tommy didn’t say
anything for a while either, and time moved slowly. When the water started to
boil, Tommy took it and carefully poured some in both mugs. When Tommy had
filled the mug in front of Adam he spoke. “I know we promised not to tell each
other our secrets, but I think I need to cash in most of mine right now.” Tommy
flinched and nearly spilled boiling water on himself. “No, you don’t have to
tell me anything, that’s okay. But, it’ll make more sense if you hear it.” Adam
looked over at Tommy. “Um, is there any sugar or Sweet n’ Low or something for
the tea?”
Tommy got up and got the honey bear down from the shelf above the store. “Here,
Allen doesn’t like to have artificial stuff in her apartment. I had to bring
all the Kraft Mac n’ Cheese and shit.” Adam smiled, just a bit, taking a spoon
Tommy gave him. Tommy poked at his tea bag, waiting for it to steep enough.
“It was me and Brad,” Adam said, breaking the silence.” It was about a year
ago? Something like that. Brad didn’t used to go to my school, but we had dance
classes together downtown. That’s when we became friends.” Tommy looked up as
Adam talked, Adam looking past Tommy’s shoulder towards the stove. “And that’s
when we both realized we were gay-or I realized. Brad always knew.”
Adam stirred at his tea a little, and Tommy watched his hands. “You’ve seen how
Brad flirts with Kris, right? When he knows damn well Kris isn’t going to ever
do anything? That’s how we used to be, except we meant it, we were just scared.
“ Adam stopped again, looking at his tea cup. He took a deep breath and kept
going.
“One night, we were done with jazz class and we were waiting on our parents. We
were flirting, just sort of seeing what we could get away with, I guess. Then
Brad took me behind the building, out by the dumpster.” Tommy’s eyes widened.
“He kissed me back there, and it was-fuck-amazing. He was so good at it.” Adam
looked up at Tommy. “Like you are.”
Tommy swallowed under the force of Adam’s look and stirred his tea. “Did
someone catch you?” Adam put some honey in his tea, and sipped it. After a
minute he nodded.
“It was the cop dad of a little girl who took lessons there. It wasn’t enough
for him to get upset, or yell, or drag our dance teacher out back and try to
get us kicked out. He told me that I was fat and ugly and only a little nelly
fag like Brad would ever look at me. I don’t remember what all he said, but it
kept going until my parents got there. They told him to fuck off, and took me
and Brad home. Brad never touched me again.”
Tommy just sat there, thinking about all the different ways that sucked, when
Adam started again. “The cop had a son who went to school with Brad, and he
caused so much trouble Brad had to switch schools.” Adam rubs a hand over his
face. “Brad doesn’t blame me, he loves me now as a friend, but he won’t even
try with anyone he thinks would like him back.”
“He kissed me at my first rehearsal though,” Tommy said, taking a sip of some
of his tea. He didn’t add any honey to his and it tasted fine.
“That was for show, and he thought you were straight. I think he was a lot more
comfortable with me being attracted to you as long as he thought that.” Adam
sighed. “That’s most of it.”
Tommy nodded, he wouldn’t push for any more. Part of him was wondering if this
was why Adam never ate in front of people, why he thought he was so ugly.
Instead he said “You told me your parents didn’t know.” Adam looked down at his
tea.
“It’s more like I’ve never told them. I’m sure they know, we just never talk
about it, and they try to keep me busy as much as they can.” Tommy looked up
and Adam said “You know, singing lessons, theater, dance, commercial work
sometimes. Places where it’s safer for someone like me.” Adam drank more of his
tea. “They were terrified when they saw the news about what happened at the
Points. The only reason I’m here right now is I told them I was going to Kris’
to study.”
“I guess I can forget about calling your house ever again,” Tommy said, voice
dull. “I swear-I never thought any of that would happen. Lisa really hadn’t
ever been pulled over. I just wanted to show you a good time and it was like a
fucking horror movie.” Tommy started a little when he felt Adam’s smooth, warm
hand on his arm.
“I don’t give a shit what they think, you can call anytime you want.” Tommy
looked up and was met with Adam staring at him, intense and almost
uncomfortable. “I did have a great night, it just ended horribly. And I’m
sorry.”
“You asked me to make sure you were safe, it’s my fault,” Tommy said, and
pushed to a standing position, facing away from Adam. Tommy went searching the
shelf, looking for something. He wasn’t sure what, maybe some cookies, maybe
the pot Allen kept stashed around her place and forgot about. He didn’t care
what he found, he just wanted something to distract him.
That became impossible when he felt a body press against his, and an arm curl
around his waist. “It’s not your fault,” Adam said, near his ear, and Tommy was
fucking shaking already. “I never really blamed you. I was just upset. You know
why now. So are we okay? Or should I go?” Tommy turned his head to watch Adam’s
expression. Adam looked scared, but he was holding on.
Tommy leaned into Adam’s body and Adam let out a long breath and Tommy was
being kissed before he could fully process it. “Good, good,” Adam whispered,
and kissed him again. He went on his toes, trying to reach Adam’s mouth better,
and Adam laughed a little. “You’re so sweet, I wouldn’t have thought.” Tommy
bit Adam’s lip in retaliation and Adam made that fucking growling noise in his
throat again.
“Don’t forget what an asshole I am too,” Tommy said, smiling against Adam’s
mouth. Adam just kissed him again, and they kept that up for another few
minutes. Tommy could feel Adam’s dick getting hard against him, and fuck. He
was hard too, had been since Adam slid behind him. Tommy pushed up against Adam
again, rubbing against him and Adam made a shocked noise in his mouth. He
pulled back, not letting go, just leaning away from Tommy’s mouth.
“Do you? Can we-“ Adam couldn’t seem to finish the sentence. He was flushed as
far down as Tommy could see, and shaking a little. Tommy turned in Adam’s arms,
holding back a little so he didn’t hurt his arm.
“We can, if you want. I don’t know if I have condoms though, and I’ve never
done that anyway.” Tommy was almost as bad as Adam-what, he couldn’t say
buttfucking? But Adam just leaned in for another kiss. Tommy kissed back, then
said “I don’t want to rush you, but yeah. I want to.”
“You’re not rushing me, I want to. Oh god, really? You want to?” Adam looked
way too fucking surprised. Tommy grinned, shaking his head. Really? Didn’t Adam
know that Tommy liked him? He pulled closer, glad he’d taken that stupid
fucking sling off. They said he could take it off after a week, right?
“I tried to get you to give me a handjob in the theater last night, remember?
Um, let me get my backpack.” Tommy might’ve had condoms, and he wanted to find
something else too. He went to the corner where he’d left his backpack last
time, and fished out some lotion and a cassette tape. “Put this on.”
Adam looked at it and cracked up. “You carry mood music with you? You’re nuts.”
He put it on though, and “All Tomorrow’s Parties” came on. “Oh, that’s good.”
Tommy grinned and leaned in. This kiss was harder, more insistent. Adam’s hands
were still shy though, rubbing over Tommy’s back in soft circles. Tommy kissed
him back, giving in to it. He was wondering why Adam was the one taking control
when Adam pulled back, smiling in a way that Tommy had never seen before. It
was sly and almost fucking dirty.
“Hey Tommy, want me to take your boots off?” His voice was so innocent and
sweet, and it went through Tommy like a lightning bolt. Oh fuck, Tommy thought,
as he slid down in the chair closest to him. Adam kneeled between his legs
again, still blushing, but a little surer, as he rubbed the leather again. “I
had no idea how sexy this was.” Adam caressed Tommy’s calf covered by the boot.
“I jerked off last night, thinking about you in the balcony, but this too.” He
started unlacing the boots, left one first, going slow.
“Oh god, fuck you,” Tommy moaned. He thought he was hard before, but fuck-it
was the same thing as yesterday, but now Adam knew the effect it had on both of
them and was milking it. Tommy gasped out a breath. “You’re gonna fucking kill
me.” Adam just smiled that fucking evil smile again and rubbed his face against
Tommy’s thigh.
Tommy lost it right around then, grabbing the chair with his good hand.
“Goddamn fucking amazing bastard. Shit, kinkiest virgin I ever met. Come on.”
Adam just kept methodically undoing the boots, even though his hands shook a
little and Tommy could see how hard he was. He pulled the boots off, one by
one, and kissed Tommy’s knee, then wrinkled his nose.
“You should carry an extra pair of socks with you, gross,” Adam said, then
kissed up Tommy’s thigh. He looked up at Tommy for a moment, face serious
again, then put a hand over Tommy’s dick, rubbing him through the jeans. “Can’t
believe I’m doing this.”
Tommy couldn’t even answer him, just dropped his head back. Adam kept touching
him, sweet and experimentally, not enough to get him off. Tommy raised his head
to look and he saw Adam rubbing himself with his other hand. “Adam,” he said,
and fuck it, his voice was shaking. “Help me get my jeans off and let’s go lie
down.”
Adam nodded, obviously scared. “Okay,” he said, so quiet and sweet Tommy wanted
to pull him up and kiss him. He couldn’t, not with one hand, so he just wrapped
his hand around Adam’s arm while Adam started undoing his jeans. His hands were
shaking so much Tommy almost helped, but finally Adam got the zipper down and
started pulling them down, along with his briefs. “Oh,” Adam said, looking at
Tommy, and Tommy actually fucking blushed from the way Adam was studying him.
He never had anybody, ever, treat him like this during sex. Adam looked up at
Tommy and licked his lips. “Your shirt too?”
Tommy thought about it a second, then nodded. “Careful,” he said, and Adam
started pulling off Tommy’s t-shirt slowly, trying not to hurt his arm. Adam
stared at Tommy’s chest, and Tommy shifted, uncomfortable.
Tommy’s torso and chest had a nice little collection of scars. Adam traced one
over Tommy’s stomach, a thin straight line. There was another one near Tommy’s
collarbone, a circle-shaped burn mark. There were a couple of homemade tattoos
done with some ink and a crude tattoo needle, momentos from late wasted nights.
Adam looked up at him, tears in his eyes. “Tommy,” he said, and moved up to put
his arms around him.
Anyone else, and Tommy would have laughed it off, or shoved them off, or said
it wasn’t a big deal. Instead, Tommy put his arm around Adam and held him
there. After a minute, Tommy whispered. “Take me to the bed? It’s pretty cold
on this chair.” Adam pulled back, sniffling a little, and nodded. He helped
Tommy up and Tommy lay down on the bed. He wasn’t hard anymore, and Adam’s
crotch bulge seemed to be disappearing too.
“I’m sorry,” he said suddenly. “I should have told you to leave the shirt on.”
Adam just rubbed over Tommy’s stomach again, making Tommy relax a little.
“No, it’s scary but-at least you think it’s okay. That I can see it.” Adam sat
on the mattress and started taking his shoes off, his back to Tommy. Tommy
rubbed Adam’s back through his shirt. “Does it-are you ashamed of it?”
Tommy shrugged a little. “Most girls think it’s hot. And guys-I don’t think
I’ve ever gotten naked with a guy before.” Adam turned to look at him,
surprised, and Tommy quirked up one side of his mouth. “I’ve mostly just given
blowjobs or handjobs. When I was fucked up.”
“You’re not fucked up now.” Adam said it as a statement. Tommy shook his head.
Adam looked at him. “I wasn’t going to take my clothes off. But since you did…”
Adam started pulling off his jeans first, back still facing Tommy. He stood up
and shoved down his jeans and underwear, and Tommy swallowed. Even half-hard
Adam’s cock was huge. “Fuck man,” Tommy said, and Adam looked confused. “You’re
almost a porn star, goddamn.” Adam blushed even hotter, and Tommy wondered how
far down it went. Adam hesitated, and then started unbuttoning his shirt,
shoulders tensing. Tommy watched as Adam let his button-down slide to the
floor, now standing in nothing but an undershirt. He crossed his arms over his
stomach, like he was trying to hide it.
“You can leave that on if you want,” Tommy said. “Just come here,” and he slid
over on the mattress. Adam lay down, curling up next to Tommy on the old thrift
store sheets. Adam found Tommy’s mouth again, kissing him softly. Tommy wasn’t
hard yet, but he pulled Adam in closer and let him control the kisses. Adam
rubbed a hand over Tommy’s hip, then over to his ass. Tommy jumped a little,
not expecting that.
Adam tried to move his hand. “Sorry, but I-“. He didn’t finish before Tommy
looked straight at him and put the hand back. Adam rubbed over Tommy’s ass
again, squeezing a little. Tommy laughed.
“My ass is too small, there’s nothing to grab.” Adam laughed too, and kissed
him again. Tommy was starting to get hard again, and Adam was back to full
fucking wood too. Tommy tried to take Adam in hand, but couldn’t really reach
him. Adam gasped in his mouth anyway.
“Adam, hey,” Tommy pulled back a little. “Here, help me get these pillows set
up.” He started to pull at them to try to prop his head up, and Adam helped
after staring at him for a minute. Tommy laid on his back then. “Come up here.
Straddle my head and I can try to blow you that way.” Adam looked at him for a
second, mouth open, then moved over, putting his legs on either side of Tommy’s
head.
“I didn’t know you could do it this way,” he whispered, then cried out when
Tommy licked him. “Fuck, fuck,” Tommy didn’t say anything, just wrapped his arm
around Adam’s hip and tried to get as much in his mouth as he could. Adam wound
up bracing himself against the wall with one hand, the other one holding his
cock. “Oh my god.”
Tommy pulled back after a minute, Adam’s dick smearing against his cheek.
“Adam, don’t come in my mouth. I know you haven’t done this, but I’ve never
swallowed, so don’t.” Tommy licked the head of Adam’s cock again. Adam rocked
his hips forward suddenly and Tommy gagged. “Fuck, don’t choke me either,
fucker.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-oh shit,” Adam broke off into a whine as Tommy took
Adam’s cock again. To be perfectly honest, Tommy had never done a guy in this
position before, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Above him, Adam
was making low, desperate sounds and shaking from the effort to keep still. The
tape was still playing but it didn’t entirely disguise Adam’s moaning or the
wet, slick sounds of Tommy’s mouth.
Suddenly, Adam cried out and pulled back, coming all over Tommy’s neck, face,
and the pillows. Tommy sputtered a little as he got covered in spunk. Over him,
Adam sagged and Tommy seriously fucking thought he was about to topple right on
top of him. Instead, Adam moved and sort of slid down next to him. “Oh my god,
thank you.”
“No fucking problem,” Tommy said, trying to get the come off his eyelids. Adam
looked at him, eyes going so wide that Tommy started laughing. “Now that was
just gross,” Tommy said, smearing some of it over his cheek.
“You told me not to come in your mouth!” Adam said, then he started laughing
too. He kissed Tommy’s cheek, licking a little. “Ugh. I taste weird.” He got up
then, and came back with some wet Denny’s napkins. Tommy was still giggling as
Adam cleaned him up. Adam kissed him again, and Tommy nuzzled him, then ground
against Adam’s leg, trying to remind him. “Oh. Um, what do you want?”
“You can just jerk me off,” Tommy said, kissing Adam again. “I got the lotion
over there.” Adam looked confused for a second, and Tommy said quickly, “It’s
your first time, you don’t have to go down on me.” Adam kissed him again, then
slid down Tommy’s body. “Hey-“
“Just let me try,” Adam said, shy again. He rubbed over the head of Tommy’s
cock first, and looked at the little drop of pre come that was already there.
“Um, is it safe to do this?”
“If I don’t come in your mouth, yeah, I think so,” Tommy said. Actually, he
wasn’t 100% sure, and he didn’t know if anyone was. Adam looked down at Tommy’s
dick, like he was gathering his courage, and bent down. Tommy bit his lip as he
felt Adam drag his tongue over his cock. “Oh,” he said, grabbing at the sheets.
Adam made a questioning noise and looked up. Tommy just nodded. Yeah, fuck
yeah, he thought, as Adam licked him again, just getting him wet, but it was
the sexiest goddamn thing that had happened to Tommy in fucking forever. He
couldn’t figure out why, because when Adam put his mouth around the head it was
awkward and clumsy and he didn’t cover his teeth that well. But it was so good,
anyway. Tommy moaned again. Adam pulled off and put his hand on Tommy’s dick,
jerking him slowly, and Tommy moved his hips into it.
Adam alternated between his hand and hand and mouth for a while, before Tommy
grabbed his shoulder. “Pull off, now, come on-“ Adam pulled back in time and
watched, eyes wide, as Tommy came over his hand. Tommy flopped back, boneless,
and closed his eyes.
When he opened them a minute later, Adam was cleaning them up again with more
napkins. Tommy reached over and touched his arm. “You okay?” Adam looked up.
“Yeah, I’m okay.” He dropped the napkins on the floor and came up to kiss
Tommy. “That was amazing.” Tommy just nodded, head on Adam’s chest. Adam played
with his hair, and Tommy smiled. He'd always liked that. Adam held him for a
few minutes, which Tommy thought was cute. Tommy lifted his head up after a
while and they kissed again.
After a while, Adam got up. Tommy didn’t know what time it was, but he figured
it was nearly past the point of Adam being able to believably say he’d been
doing his homework. He watched as Adam got dressed, neither of them talking.
Adam looked tense and Tommy was wondering if he was worried about his looks
when suddenly Adam said “Are we doing this again?”
Tommy sat up in the bed. “As many times as you want, trust me.” Adam dropped to
his knees back on the mattress and kissed Tommy again.
“Okay,” he said, getting up and getting his keys. “I have to go home, I’m sorry
I can’t stay…” Tommy just shook his head.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to sleep over. I’ll be fine. I’ll see you tomorrow
at school, and we can go out after, if you want.” Tommy was going to say out to
eat, but remembered in time that Adam didn’t. Adam shook his head.
“I have an acting class after school tomorrow, but I’ll see you in drama. Um,
goodnight.” He came over and kissed Tommy quickly on the lips. Then he was out
the door.
Tommy got up after a minute to lock the door back, the ache in his arm making
itself known. He crossed his other arm over himself, cold again. He wound up
taking a shower, bandaged arm sticking out, and then slowly put on a pair of
sweats and his arm back in its sling. He fixed himself more tea and wondered if
he had any whiskey, then realized: he had never fucked sober before.
Tommy couldn’t go to sleep after his all day nap, so he spent the next few
hours doing his homework and working on a poem. It sucked, but it passed the
time.
When he went back to sleep on Allen’s mattress, he traced over a wet spot on
the pillow and thought about how Adam had felt in his mouth.
The next day, he called school to say he wouldn’t be there, and went to see his
doctor.
***** Chapter Eight *****
Chapter Summary
     Tommy's condition gets worse, and he goes to an old friend for help.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Wipe the blood off those knuckles-“Ares”, Bloc Party
When Tommy woke up, his “feeling better” phase seemed to be over. His hand was
aching steadily, and hard. He tried to take off the bandages like Paul did last
night, but it hurt so much that Tommy nearly bit through his lip. Fuck this,
time to go see the doctor. He’d promised Adam anyway. He made the call and told
them to be sure to tell Paula. It’s not like he could leave a fucking message
just for Adam. That would look strange.
Tommy took the bus to Dr. Richardson’s office that morning, after having some
coffee to try to steady himself. His arm throbbed, and he was shivering. He got
the office and he had called but didn’t exactly have an appointment, just told
them he’d be there soon and fit him in if they could. He camped out in a chair
in their waiting room. It was okay, Tommy had his writing notebook and Walkman
with him. He was listening to “Moving To Florida”, and it was loud enough to
make an old lady get up and move away from him. Or maybe that was because of
his Misfits t-shirt with the zombie on it. He could never be sure about these
things.
Finally, he got called back, and he went slowly, his legs protesting about
carrying him that whole fifty feet. The nurse made him stand on a fucking
scale, then took him to a room to take his blood pressure. Next, the
thermometer-now that got him a raised eyebrow. “You seem to be running a fever,
Tommy.” Tommy looked up at her. He didn’t know this nurse-it had been a while
since he’d been there, but she seemed fine.
“I knew something was wrong, how bad is it?” Tommy ran his good hand through
his hair, touching his forehead. Yeah, that didn’t feel good.
“It’s 101 degrees. You didn’t drive here, did you?” Tommy shook his head and
kind of regretted it, because it made the room swim a little.
“No, I took the bus. So um, my complaint is my arm’s not really getting better,
I think it’s still infected.” The nurse wrote that down, and asked him the
usual bullshit questions.
“Do you smoke?”
“Yeah, not a whole lot though.” Less than half a pack a day wasn’t that much.
She scratched that down on her little sheet. “Do you drink alcohol?”
Tommy generally had a smartass answer for this one, but he said “Yeah. I
haven’t since Saturday night though.” What the hell, he had known his doctor
for years. She probably knew or guessed the truth about that.
The nurse paused. “Do you take any illegal drugs?”
“Yeah, a few times a week. Pot mostly, and pills. Muscle relaxants and Xanax. I
don’t like to take speed.” He didn’t really like cokeheads either, and tried to
stay away from them. Really, who fucking needed speed with the music they
listened to? That was just being fucking greedy. The nurse stared at him some
more. Tommy sighed, lifting his head. “Sorry. I feel like shit, so I’m telling
you everything for once. Do you need to know how much I drink?”
The nurse just looked sympathetic. “I’ll let you tell Dr. Richardson yourself.
You rest a little.” Tommy nodded his thanks, and she left. Tommy laid back on
the table, shivering.
Tommy was half-asleep when Dr. Richardson showed up. “Tommy?” she said, and he
woke up, sitting up slowly. “Diane said you still had pain in your hand, and
that you’re running a pretty high fever. Let me take a look.”
“I felt better last night, I don’t know,” Tommy muttered, as she took off the
bandages and gently removed the cast. She shook her head, and Tommy looked down
and winced. His hand was bright red and swollen. The skin was tight as a
fucking drum skin when he poked at it. “Fuck, what did I do?”
“It looks like an infection of the tissue of your skin. I’m going to give you
some stronger antibiotics, and something to help with the fever. And you’re
going to have to stay out of school for a couple of days, until your fever goes
down.” Tommy mouthed shit, because Anoop and Lisa were going to kill him.
“I need to ask you Tommy-how much are you drinking, and do you have side
effects if you don’t?” Dr. Robinson was writing it all down, but standing close
to Tommy. Tommy laid back down, suddenly feeling so tired. He closed his eyes,
and Dr. Richardson had to prompt him before he answered her question.
“I’m not sure-two or three mini bottles a day, or a half-pint of whiskey.
That’s what I like. And I’ve been a little more than a day without any. So I
don’t know what’s from the infection and what’s not having it right now.” Tommy
blinked his eyes open again to see Dr. Richardson staring at him.
“How long has it been since you didn’t drink every day?” And Tommy could hear
in her voice that she was sad, but disappointed as well. Well, he never
promised her anything, but that was still unfortunate.
“I don’t know. A year, more, I don’t know.” Tommy closed his eyes again, and
heard Dr. Richardson mutter to herself about getting him a prescription for
Valium for cravings as well, to be filled as needed. Tommy thought hell yeah as
he almost fell asleep. But then he heard “…and we need to call your parents to
take you home-“ That shit woke him up quick.
“Call Paul Harrington,” Tommy said, trying to sit up. He made it about halfway,
propping himself up on an elbow. “He’s a family friend, he’s my best friend’s
dad. I want to be over there to get better. I have his number in my records.
Please call Paul.”
“Are you sure? Won’t your parents-“ She looked hesitant, and Tommy lost it. I
mean, she wasn’t a stupid teacher or anything, she was his doctor. Didn’t she
know?
“Doc, when was the last time you saw them here with me? Huh? I take myself to
my own appointments, and I pay the co-pay, and you never see them!” Tommy had
to take a deep breath, and he could feel his eyes start to sting. “I tried to
take care of it, I didn’t do a good job. You need to call Mr. Harrington,
because for one thing, he’ll actually be there.” Tommy flopped back down. “I
don’t want to talk about it, just call him please.” He could tell he was
pleading, but he didn't care.
Dr. Richardson paused for a moment, and then Tommy heard her say, her voice a
little teary. “All right, I will. And Tommy, I care if you get better, for what
that’s worth. And I’m going to put a card for a therapist I know in with your
prescription.”
“Okay,” Tommy said, because fuck if he was up to arguing it now, and fell
asleep on the table.
*
Tommy vaguely remembered being led into a car, he sort of remembered Paul
buckling him in, telling him it would be okay. He muttered something back, and
then fell asleep. For a long time, he slept and dreamed until he woke up in a
real bed with the smell of chicken cooking in the air. He tried to sit up, but
his hand throbbed and he was freezing. “Hey?” he said, feeling the presence of
someone else rather than looking over. “Adam?”
 
“It’s me,” said a familiar voice, and Tommy turned to see Paul sitting in a
chair next to the bed. “I’m fixing you some soup so you can take your
medications. They’re pretty strong.” Paul looked a little uncomfortable.
“Tommy, you were talking. I think it was the fever, you kept waking up and
talking about, well actually to someone.”
“Oh.” Tommy said. “What did I say? Was it bad?” Tommy was really too fucking
tired to even be that concerned, and it didn’t look like Paul was angry, so he
figured it was okay. Paul looked at him for a minute and then sat back a bit,
taking a deep breath.
“You were talking about a boy named Adam. In…more detail than I needed, but is
this the person you were so upset about Saturday night?” Tommy had to fuckin’
hand it to Paul. He was handling this pretty goddamn well. Tommy couldn’t help
but smile a little.
“Yeah, that’s Adam. He came by Allen’s later after Lisa dropped me off.
We…figured things out. Sorry about that.” Tommy sighed a little. “I’ve only
known him a little while. It’s-I don’t want to talk about it too much. Has he
called?”
“No, you haven’t gotten any calls. Except one from Lisa, she swore to me she
was gonna kill you when she saw you next. I do kind of doubt that.” Paul shook
his head, smiling a little. “Why did you want to talk to him?”
“It probably sounds stupid. I just-he’ll be busy after school. And I wanted to
see if he was alright.” Tommy closed his eyes again-this conversation was
fucking tiring. “I just want him to know I didn’t skip because of…you know.”
Paul nodded, forehead creasing in sympathy.
“I know I should let you sleep, but I have to ask. Is…did you find out you were
gay and that’s why you stopped coming by to see me? Because it would never do
what your parents-“ Tommy opened his eyes then. Time to cut that train of
thought off.
“No, I didn’t mean to be gone so long. And I’m not-I don’t know what I am,
okay? I don’t-I’ve only known Adam a week. It’s too soon to make a big deal out
of.” Tommy looked at Paul, trying to make him understand that he didn’t want to
jinx it by giving it too much thought. As if he could think of anything else,
goddamn. “I didn’t show up because I’m an asshole. I’m sorry.” Tommy rubbed his
eyes. “I wanted to be here, Paul. I just-I don’t know. I don’t know.” He closed
his eyes. “I’m really tired. Wake me up when the soup’s ready?”
“Okay, Tommy.” Paul paused again. “I want you to know that you’re always
welcome here. Always. Now get some sleep.” Paul touched Tommy’s shoulder and
then left. Tommy curled on his side a little, glad that Paul knew not to refer
to him as family. Tommy knew how that turned out.
When Tommy woke up again, the light was getting slanted and golden, October sun
about to give up and turn into twilight. Tommy blinked awake, and saw his
medications, a bowl of congealing soup and a cup of water left for him. There
was a note in Paul’s neat handwriting: Try to eat something. It makes the
antibiotics easier. Tommy slid up to a sitting position and shakily drank about
half the chicken and rice soup Paul had made. It was homemade and delicious,
but he didn’t have much appetite. He nibbled at the two saltines left on the
side of the bowl and then took his antibiotics and pain medication. Paul had
apparently elected to not fill the Valium prescription, and Tommy couldn’t
fuckin’ blame him. Anyway, he wasn’t craving, he was too sick to worry about
that.
When he was done, he flopped back down, now uncomfortably awake. Tommy had
different gradients for being alone, they went from being comfortable to deadly
quiet. Right now he just felt deserted. He couldn’t hear Lisa blasting music in
her room or Paul playing his Todd Rungren records. He was too far away to hear
if Dr. Tucker-Harrington was in her office or not. The guest room was pretty
set off from the rest of the house.
He tried to get up, but he was still tired and almost glued to the sheets.
Fuck, he’d been sweating a lot. His arm still hurt too-a dull ache that never
got stronger or weaker, but just kept going. He saw the phone on the
nightstand, and called Adam’s number.
Three rings, then someone picked up. “Hey, who is this?” Tommy grinned, it was
Neil again.
“Hey Neil, it’s Tommy. Is Adam home?” Tommy laid back against the pillows,
still smiling. There was a pause on the other line, and Tommy’s smile faded.
“Fuck, you mean he’s not with you? We don’t know where he is-he cut school and
blew off his acting class. I thought at the very least you’d be off getting him
involved in another riot. Hey, there’s a rumor going around the jr. high. Did
Adam really throw a garbage can at those Nazis or what?”
Tommy didn’t know how to respond for a second, then said “Wait, he’s gone? Are
you sure? And no, he didn’t throw a garbage can, Jesus.” Tommy shook his head-
he was too sick to deal with this now.
“Yeah I’m sure. I don’t know-he disappears sometimes, you know? But he’s never
left school for it. I really was hoping he was with you, man.” Neil sounded
impressed, as if he thought Tommy was really cool.
Fuck, fuck, FUCK! “Oh god. Um, I don’t know where he might be, but I called in
sick and I’m at Lisa Harrington’s place. If he shows up or anyone wants to call
me, here’s the number.” He gave it to Neil while twisting the sheets in his
hand. “Is he in trouble at home? Are your folks mad at him, or about me, or
what?”
Neil was quiet for a few minutes. “They were kinda mad, about the riot and
because Adam came home so late Saturday and last night. I mean, no fucking way
he was at Kris’ place that long. But no offense, right now they’ve got more
important things to be worried about than you.” Neil laughed a little. “I mean,
I don’t think you’re getting blamed for this.”
“Thanks Neil. Call me if you see him.” Tommy hung up, the chills starting
again. Fuck, what if Adam had freaked out and run away? If Tommy had gone to
school, maybe he would have stayed-shit. Tommy rubbed a hand over his face. It
had probably been too much too soon, they hadn’t known each other long. But,
when Tommy thought about last night, it had seemed perfect in a lot of ways.
They hadn’t hurt each other-god, he hadn’t hurt Adam, did he?
He reached for the phone again, and tried to think if he had anyone else’s
phone numbers memorized. His head was all fucked up, but he punched in what he
hoped was Anoop’s number. Three rings, then the phone answered and a woman
answered the phone. “Hello, this is the Desai residence?”
“Hi. Um, my name is Tommy, is Anoop there? I’m a friend of his from class.”
Tommy closed his eyes-he was really tired.
“Well Tommy, Anoop just got back, let me hand him the phone, one minute.” Tommy
listened as a discussion took place. He could hear Anoop say he’d take the call
upstairs, then after a minute, heard another line pick up. “Tommy Ratliff.”
Anoop didn’t sound too pleased with him.
“Hey. Have you found out anything?” Tommy wondered if he sounded as panicked to
Anoop as he did to himself.
“You found out. Where the hell are you?” From the tone Tommy could tell that
Anoop would be happy to blame the whole thing on him. “I won’t be too worried,
he’ll probably show up soon.”
“Yeah?” Tommy let out a breath of relief. “I’m sick again, I’m at Lisa’s house.
And why does everyone say he’s going to show up? Fuck, tell me what’s going
on.”
“I have no fucking idea what he’s doing, and you’re in no position to ask for
information, are you?” Tommy was about to respond, because that was too goddamn
close for comfort, but then Anoop caught himself. “I’m sorry. You didn’t
deserve that. It’s just today me and Megan had a fight, then the word comes
that you were back at the doctor’s, then Adam up and leaves after drama class
without saying anything. And my hand hurts.”
“What happened to your hand, dude?” Tommy said, taking all that in. It took a
minute for Anoop to answer, and then he sounded pretty embarrassed.
“I punched my locker after Adam took off. I had to go to the nurse’s office.”
Tommy laughed a little, even though it made him tired.
“Don’t start using me as an example, ‘Noop, I’m pretty sure that’s a bad life
decision.” Anoop laughed too, and Tommy relaxed a little. “So Adam’s okay?
Probably?”
Anoop stopped laughing then, and his voice got quiet. “What’s happening between
you two? It’s okay, nobody in drama and theater cares.” Tommy didn’t say
anything for a long minute, playing with the sheets.
“I don’t really know. I don’t know how to answer that.” Tommy said slowly.
“Just-if you see him, tell him I’m at Lisa’s. I’ll give you the number. Tell
him to come see me-I can’t get out of bed.” He rattled off the number while
Anoop hummed as he wrote it down. “So yeah, tell him.”
After a brief silence, Anoop spoke again. “Sure. I’ll tell him. But…why aren’t
you at your house? You’re sick, so won’t your mom want to-“Tommy hung up right
then. Fuck if he was going to explain that to Anoop, and fuck if Anoop thought
it was rude. He couldn’t do that now.
Tommy curled on his side a little, and slept. He heard the phone ring, but
didn’t answer it, figuring Anoop was just calling to cuss him out. Then he
didn’t hear anything for a long time.
The next time he woke up, he heard heels clicking on the hardwood floor. That
meant Lisa was home. And behind those, another set of footsteps. He sat up as
the door opened and the light was flicked on.
Brad poked his head in. “Disappointed, aren’t you?” Tommy leaned forward, about
to ask where the fucking hell Adam was when Brad held a hand up to stop him.
“Hey, it’s okay. Adam came home and tried to call you. Anoop called Adam and
told him you were here, and that’s that. So he’ll probably be by tomorrow. But
for now, you’re stuck with me.” Brad sat in the chair that Paul had left next
to the bed.
Tommy wasn’t really calmed by that. “Is Adam okay? “ Brad nodded, and Tommy
took a deep breath.”What was wrong? Do you know where he went?”
Brad shrugged. “I think he just-drove. Honey, you don’t really know Adam yet.
When something happens that he can’t handle, he’ll just run. He’ll come back,
but first he disappears. When you didn’t show up for school he got nervous, and
then after he heard you had relapsed, the last time I saw him was when he
excused himself in the middle of Paula’s lecture on the musicals of the 60’s.”
Brad tucked one foot under the chair. “But he’s home now and seems okay, just a
bit distracted. I only got to talk to him for a minute. And all he can talk
about is you. Just like all you can talk about is him.” Brad looked straight at
him, face serious.
“I’m sorry,” Tommy said. “Brad, Adam told me some of what happened. And I’m
sorry about that. But I don’t know why you got so fucking mad. You hardly ever
do.” Tommy ran his hand through his sweaty hair. Fuck, he must look disgusting.
“Did that guy really say all that shit?”
“That fucker said a lot of things.” Brad ducked his head and Tommy could see
his face redden in anger. “He said Adam was ugly and that I was disgusting. He
threatened to call my parents. Did I mention, at any point, that my dad is
career Army? I don’t think I did. He’s a Major, too.” Brad pulled out a
cigarette. “You want one? They’re Winstons. I know, so butch.” Tommy took one
with shaking fingers, and Brad lit it for him.
“So…Adam’s not the only one who was screwed by that whole thing. All I wanted
to do was kiss him.” Brad stared at the wall behind Tommy’s head. “You know,
kiss him as long as it took. For him to, fuck, I don’t know.” Brad took a drag
off his cigarette while Tommy stared, because holy fuck, Brad was jealous. Brad
saw the look on his face and shook his head.
“Really, I’m not angry at you. I was not thrilled about you two in a public
dressing room, because that’s a really bad memory. And I admit, I wish it had
been me.” Tommy dropped his gaze, and Brad took another drag. “I’m not wrong,
am I? Something happened between you two and going by the look on his face when
he came into school, I’d say it was good.”
Tommy didn’t know what to say, it wasn’t his place to tell Brad if he and Adam
fucked, unless Adam wanted Brad to know. He wound up just looking down at the
bedspread again. Finally he said “Good. I’m glad he was happy.” He took a drag
off the cigarette. “That’s-that’s good.”
“Are you happy, though?” Brad said it pretty flippantly, but Tommy turned and
saw Brad’s expression. It was sweet, slightly sad but still smiling. “Because
that’s okay-the way I reacted was my problem. So,” Brad slid forward in his
seat and touched Tommy’s damp hair. “Are you happy?”
Tommy nodded. “Yeah. Kinda. I mean-“ he sighed. “Fuck, I don’t know how to
explain. I’m not used-“ Brad raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.
“I’m not used to good things.” Tommy thought about his own words. “Lisa said
that. She said I could have good things in my life, but I kept fucking up and
hurting myself.” Tommy felt the hand in his hair slide down to Tommy’s
shoulder, and Brad’s fingers were gentle as he rubbed a circle over it.
“You’re not the only one.” He had the same slightly sad smile. “Don’t worry
about me, I’ll figure my own shit out. You…you just work on what you need to.
And, be gentle with Adam, okay?” Brad smiled again, more genuine this time, and
kissed Tommy’s cheek. “Night, you horrible corrupter of virgins.”
“Fuuuck you,” Tommy drawled. He put the cigarette out in his water glass and
laid his head back, smiling. At least, Brad didn’t hate him. Hopefully, Adam
didn’t either.
The next day was a little better. Lisa came in and kissed him on the forehead
before she left for school, telling him that her plans to kill him had been
postponed. Tommy alternated most of the day with sleeping, taking his
medications, and really fucking awkward conversations with Paul. Tommy fucking
got that Lisa’s dad was concerned, but he didn’t want to discuss his sex life
with him, ever. Finally, Paul handed him a number to a gay and lesbian center.
“I’ve heard they have a counselor for gay youth, and safe sex information.”
Paul was blushing like crazy-Tommy bet he never signed up for this when Tommy
started hanging around his house.
“Thanks.” Tommy took the card and set it next to his water glass. “And thanks
for letting me stay here. And not…for treating me so good and not letting who
my parents…” Tommy couldn’t finish the sentence. Paul looked like he was going
to reach for Tommy’s hand, but Tommy flinched away.
“None of that is your fault, Tommy. I want you to know that.” Paul’s voice
broke a little. “You never deserved any of this, and if you wanted, you could
live here.” Tommy looked over, surprised.
“I knew you knew everything, right?” Tommy said, trying to keep his voice
steady. “I mean, nearly every fuckin’ body knows about my dad, but-“ Tommy had
to take a deep breath. “Thanks for the offer, but my mom might actually notice
if I was gone. You know, if she comes home for Christmas.”
“Has she sent you a letter?” Paul said, voice very steady and hesitant. Tommy
nodded, pushing his hair back. “Do you know when she’s coming back?” Tommy
shook his head, tears stinging his eyes. Why the fuck was he crying? His mom
was a lot better off without him, she made that clear. Fuck her, fuck her. Paul
started backtracking then, apologizing for making Tommy upset while he was
trying to get better. Tommy shook his head hard, making himself dizzy. “It’s
not you, fuck, don’t worry about me. Just-don’t worry about me.” Tommy lay back
down, spent. “I have to rest, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
Paul stood up, and looked like he wanted to say something else, but he finally
said “Get some rest, Tommy.”
“Don’t worry about me, please,” Tommy whispered one more time as he drifted
off.
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks for reading. This story is so angsty and we're not even
     halfway into me putting it up.
***** Chapter Nine *****
Chapter Summary
     The gang comes to see Tommy. Adam comes by later and they have a
     talk.
Chapter Notes
     Thanks to everyone who's reading this.
It’s all getting quite highly charged-Ares, Bloc Party
When Tommy woke up again, his eyes were scratchy from his near-crying, and his
throat was dry. But he did feel stronger, and when a hand brushed against his
forehead he said without opening his eyes “Paul?”
“God, you look like shit.” Tommy looked over, blinking to clear his eyes, and
saw Anoop with a bandage around his hand. “You haven’t been able to shower,
have you?”
“Hi. How bad is it?” He craned his head a little and Anoop showed him the
busted knuckle he got. “Very nice. Watch out, that shit gets addictive.” He
looked around and saw Megan, Kris and Alisan as well. No Adam. “Hey guys.” He
tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice.
Anoop just shook his head. “Adam is at home, trying to talk himself out of
being grounded so he can come see you. We all wanted to check up on you.” Megan
came forward and gave him a little box of candy. Tommy smiled a little.
“Thanks, but I don’t have much appetite. I’ll try to eat some later. Sorry, my
fever’s been really high.”
“Hey, don’t apologize for that,” Alisan said. Tommy still didn’t know her too
well-her and Adam tended to band together and whisper secrets-but she’d always
been nice to him. “You feel like shit, it’s not your fault.”
“Some would argue, though. Fuck, I hope it gets better.” Tommy tried to prop
his head up higher on the pillows, and Megan helped him. “If these antibiotics
don’t work, I’m back in the hospital for IV’s. But my doc’s been calling, and
she says I’m doing pretty good, the fever’s not as bad.”
“Well, that’s good.” Anoop smiled a little and Tommy hoped he wasn’t holding a
grudge. Anoop seemed like a grudge-holding motherfucker if he felt like it.
He was about to say something to Megan about her cute waitress uniform (old
style diner, and nice), when he caught Kris out of the corner of his eye.
“Kris, stop that shit right now.” His voice was sharp and warning, and everyone
turned to where Tommy was looking.
Kris got off the floor where he was kneeling, fingers still curled around the
cross he always wore. “What? I’m not allowed to pray for you?” He seemed
honestly stunned at the idea, and going by the look on everyone else’s face, so
did they.
“That’s right, no fucking prayers. At least not for me, I don’t want them, and
I don’t need them. You talk to invisible friends on your own time, Allen.”
Tommy felt his face get red-he was tired, worn out, he didn’t need to be
getting this mad. He knew that he was still upset about the talk with Paul, but
he couldn’t stop.“Any psychotic disorder you have that makes you think there’s
a higher power that gives a shit about us? Keep it to yourself.”
Kris stood there for a minute, face shocked. “Wow. Um. Wow. Okay. I didn’t know
you were a hardcore atheist.” Megan’s eyes had gone almost comically wide at
Tommy’s tirade. Alisan looked at Tommy like he had broken some social rule
nobody had told him about. Anoop just looked disappointed. Kris cleared his
throat and said “Okay, I won’t pray for you. Not at home, either. I’m sorry.”
Tommy sighed. “Okay. Don’t do it again.” He leaned back. “I shouldn’t have
gotten so mad.” He was exhausted now.
“No, you shouldn’t have!” Megan came up closer, hands in fists at her sides,
and Tommy had never seen her that angry. “Kris was just trying to help, that’s
what he does! He’s not trying to push his beliefs on anyone, he goes on mission
trips to help the poor-“
“Fuck that shit!” Tommy couldn’t help it, it just came out, but Megan rocked
back as if Tommy had popped her in the mouth. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I don’t want-
forget I said that.” Tommy sunk back down in the pillows, closing his eyes
against everyone’s shocked expressions. “I didn’t mean to get into my religious
shit.” Megan stared at Tommy, then cursed under her breath and left the room.
Anoop followed her, glaring back at him over a shoulder. Alisan went over,
petted Tommy’s hair, and said she’d be back in a minute. And that left Tommy
alone with Kris. Tommy sighed. “Fine, get it over with.”
He expected Kris to go into a lecture about how Tommy needed Christ in his
heart, or how God had helped him change from being a bad person to a good one.
Instead Kris just sat down, and didn’t say anything for a minute. Then he said
“I go on mission trips. I don’t try to make people accept my religion, but I
try to make their lives better. Do you think that’s wrong?”
Tommy didn’t say anything at first, taking a sip of water. He looked over at
Kris. “I’m really too tired to get into it, but yeah. I think it could still be
a problem.” Tommy saw surprise, followed by something else flit across Kris’
face. Tommy thought it might actually be anger.
“So, you think the time I spent in Ecuador over the summer building a well in a
place that had no running water was a waste?” He sounded incredulous, and Tommy
couldn’t blame him. “Do you hate all religious thought that much?” Kris took a
deep breath, something Tommy had never seen him do before. He was generally so
steady. “I don’t use the Bible to justify hate. I’m not a racist, I’m not a
homophobe. I don’t say that God created AIDS to kill gays, I’m in the damned
drama class. Do you think my faith makes me a bad person?”
Tommy looked over at him, wondering how he could explain without giving away
too much. “I don’t think you’re a bad person. I think that belief in a god is
flawed, always. Sorry.” Tommy closed his eyes. “I really shouldn’t have gotten
so mad. I’m probably going to fall asleep again. It’s not you, okay? It’s not
you, Kris.” Tommy might still not like Kris much, but he knew this wasn’t
actually his fault.
Tommy wasn’t entirely surprised when he felt the soft touch of Kris’ hand on
his arm. He tensed a little, thinking he was going to get prayed over or yelled
at or something. Instead, Kris said in a low voice, “God Tommy, what happened
to you? I don’t know what hurt you this badly, but I’m so sorry.” This would
have been a great time to tell Kris to take his shallow sympathy and shove it
up his ass, but Tommy opened his eyes anyway.
“I don’t like people feeling sorry for me,” Tommy said, carefully. “But in this
case, I’ll accept it. And I’m sorry, again. It was the wrong time.” Kris’ grip
on his arm tightened slightly, and Tommy smiled a little. “You guys forgive me
too easily. I don’t understand why.”
“Because we like you, you dumbass. And because Adam likes you.” Tommy could
hear the amusement and affection in Kris’ voice. “And on that note, I’m going
to let you rest. Next time I’ll just bring my guitar.”
“Please do, you play really fucking well. We’ll sing campfire songs or some
shit.” Tommy opened his eyes to see Kris smile, and then go out the door. Tommy
sighed. Well, that had gone well. He curled over and was about to sleep when
the door opened again. He turned back over, it was Alisan, as promised.
She stood at the door, watching Tommy. “I need to explain something to you,”
she said quietly. “Kris does a lot of work with the other Christians at school-
the big jock guys who go to churches that teach them that gays are sinners and
that Jews are going to hell. He has Bible study with them. And because of his
influence and how he makes his case, Adam and Brad get a lot less shit than
they would otherwise. You should know that.” Alisan came closer and looked
Tommy in the eyes, hers narrowing as he voice got harder. “So whatever you
think about religion, leave Kris out of it. Just don’t fuck with him about it.
He’s one of ours.” Tommy nodded, too tired and emotional to speak. God, he was
a fucking asshole. Alisan turned to go, then she said “You’re one of ours too,
in case you haven’t noticed. It doesn’t take much for us to accept someone. So
it’ll be okay. Get some rest.”
“Okay. Thank you.” Tommy curled back over again, hand throbbing just slightly.
Alisan stood at the door for a minute, watching him. Then he heard the door
open and her walk out. Tommy laid there for a few minutes, listening as a
conversation went on in the living room between the gang-Lisa seemed to be in
on it too. Megan’s voice carried the loudest, she still sounded upset. He could
hear Anoop’s low, calming voice trying to reassure her. Tommy felt a pang,
envying their public relationship, even if they did bitch at each other a lot.
That got Tommy thinking about Adam again, and he started to drift off wishing
that Adam was there and had his arms around him. That was the one thing Tommy
kept coming back to, how much he had enjoyed being held after sex. Adam was
bigger, strong, and he could hold Tommy to his chest. Tommy smirked a little,
chalking that up to one more thing he hadn’t known about himself before last
week. Then he fell asleep entirely.
When Tommy woke up again, there was a gentle hand on his forehead, then sliding
through his hair. It felt really good, nice big hand-oh. “Hey?” he said, voice
probably too hopeful. “Adam, is that you?”
“Hey,” a quiet, shy voice said, and Tommy’s eyes flew open. Adam was there,
wearing a bulky sweatshirt that was too hot for the weather and baggy jeans.
Tommy frowned-Adam looked uncomfortable. “Adam? Hey, I’ve wanted to see you.
What’s wrong?”
“I-it’s just hard to see you. I’ve been here thirty minutes and you were out
cold. Are you sure you shouldn’t be at the hospital?” Adam reached down and
took Tommy’s hand, and Tommy squeezed back, just barely. “And I had to really
make a case to come see you-my parents were really upset.”
Tommy lifted his head a little. “Hey. Tell me if this is a question I shouldn’t
be asking-but where did you go?” Adam tensed a little, and Tommy amended it.
“Only if you want me to know, okay?” And since I asked a question, you can ask
me one.” Tommy felt Adam rub over his fingers and he sighed. It really did feel
good.
“When you didn’t come to school yesterday,” Adam started, then looked away. “At
first, I thought you regretted it, and that you didn’t want to see me. Then
when I got the news that you were sick again-I just couldn’t handle it. So I
got in my car and drove. I wound up by the beach.” Adam let go for a minute,
and looked off into space.
“I went about three different fast food places and got all kinds of shit. I ate
in my car. I don’t-I won’t eat in front of people, but when I get upset…” Adam
trailed off for a minute. “So, I went somewhere that nobody knew me and I ate-
god-probably about four burgers, three packs of fries, ice cream. A lot of ice
cream. Shit.” Tommy watched Adam’s face, and he looked like he was going to run
at any minute. “I’m so disgusting.”
“No.” Tommy spoke a little more forcefully then he meant to, going by Adam’s
wide eyes. “You’re not disgusting. You were upset and you ran away for a while.
And you ate. That’s really not so bad.” Adam was about to interrupt but Tommy
kept going. “One of the reasons I’m sick again is all the drinking I was doing.
You ate ice cream but I’ve been drinking every day for a year. The doctor had
to give me Valium for cravings.”
“Are you taking Valium?” Adam came closer and took Tommy’s hand again. “Oh my
god, you drink that much? I didn’t know it was every day.” Adam looked scared,
and Tommy started hoping he didn’t just fuck everything up with his big fucking
mouth. He wouldn’t blame Adam for having second thoughts about…whatever it was
they were doing. Tommy swallowed and decided to keep talking.
“I don’t think Paul filled it, and he hasn’t asked me yet if I want him too.
I’m kinda cranky, that might be part of the reason. But anyway, don’t feel that
bad about it. You did it and it’s over. I’m just glad you’re okay. I was
worried about you.” Tommy wanted to stuff his fist in his mouth as soon as he
said it-that was too soon, he should have kept his mouth shut. But Adam just
looked surprised.
“You were worried about me? You’re sick. I was worried about you.” Adam grinned
at him, a little watery. Then he frowned and kept going. “But Tommy-I eat like
that a lot. I get up in the middle of the night and just-mostly ice cream, but
anything bad, really.”
“Yeah? Do you puke afterward?” Tommy was thinking of an ex-girlfriend of his
who wound up in the hospital from doing that little trick. Her parents had to
send her to a special clinic in another part of the state.
Adam wiped at his eyes. “Oh god, I’ve never told anyone this-I have. But not
every time, and I don’t mean to? But sometimes I eat so much some of it comes
back up.” He sniffled. “I can’t believe I’m talking about how fat and
disgusting and ugly I am. You’re really sick.”
Tommy rubbed a thumb over Adam’s wrist. “I’m starting to feel better-it’s been
kind of a rough day. I’m really happy to see you. And you’re not ugly.” Tommy
looked straight at Adam as he said that. “I’ve always liked the way you looked,
from the first time I saw you.” Tommy thought about Adam’s beautiful eyes, his
mouth, his long delicate hands, and his strong legs. “You don’t have to be
perfect, it’s okay. I’m not.”
Adam stared at him, stunned. “I don’t understand. I don’t know what you’re
talking about. I only feel…” he trailed off again, then sighed. “I feel
beautiful when I’m performing, when I’m singing. That’s about it.”
“You are beautiful then,” Tommy grinned. “You can sing those corny musicals for
me anytime. But I like how you look when you’re not singing too.” Tommy blushed
then. “I can’t believe I just said all that. I’m a sap.” Adam blushed too, and
then laughed. He got up for a minute and Tommy was about to protest. Where did
he think he was going?
“Paul had to leave for a little while, Lisa’s out practicing with her new band.
Um, Paul told me to get you some more soup and your medicines. I’ll be right
back.” Adam looked at him, nervous, then leaned down. The kiss was a just
barely there brush of lips, but it made Tommy’s skin heat. Adam blushed and
left the room, while Tommy thought about what Adam had told him.
When Adam came back, he had a bowl of hot chicken soup, some crackers, and his
meds on a tray. Tommy pulled himself into a sitting position and nibbled on his
food while Adam talked to him, just gossip about school and the drama class.
“You really made Megan mad, by the way.” Tommy nodded.
“Yeah, I wish I hadn’t been so mean about it. And I shouldn’t fuck with Megan,
right?” Adam laughed, shaking his head. “Alisan kinda set me straight, though.
I won’t give Kris a hard time about it again.” Tommy finished his soup this
time, then started taking his antibiotics. “I just-I can’t believe in God.”
Adam just nodded. “I don’t know what I believe in. I’m Jewish, but we’re really
not very observant. It’s not that big of a deal to us. I went to Hebrew school,
but it fucking sucked.” Adam had gotten himself a mug of tea, and was sipping
it. “I’m not going to eat anything for a couple of days,” he said, quietly.
Tommy blinked-had Adam forgotten he was there? Because that was bullshit.
“Bullshit. You’re only going to make it worse.” Adam looked up, face red. “I
mean,” Tommy struggled to say this right. “I don’t think you should. You’ll
just wind up in the kitchen at midnight eating ice cream again.” Tommy chewed
at his bottom lip-he was pissing everyone off tonight. “I’m sorry. You were
nice enough to tell me, and I shouldn’t tell you what to do. Look, I said that
you could ask me a question too. So, go ahead.” Tommy bit at his thumbnail,
figuring he knew what was coming.
Adam didn’t say anything for a long time. Then very quietly, he said “Why
aren’t you at home? Do you have one?” Tommy really didn’t want to think about
this again, but he took a deep breath, and looked down at the blankets.
“Yeah. I have a home. I’m not homeless. But…I’m not home because there isn’t
anyone else there. So I had my doctor call Lisa’s dad. And…I don’t really want
to talk about my parents. I already did once today.” Tommy didn’t look up.
The silence stretched for a long minute. Tommy looked up and he could see how
fucking much Adam wanted to ask another question. Tommy reached over for Adam’s
hand, and Adam took it, squeezing. “Hey, come here.” He tugged Adam’s hand a
little, and Adam moved until he was sitting on the bed. Tommy tugged again.
“Come closer.” Adam hesitated, but Tommy scooted and Adam moved until he was
curled next to him.
Tommy put his head on Adam’s shoulder, and Adam petted his hair again. After a
minute, Adam said, “Um Tommy, I hate to say this but you stink. More than
usual.” Tommy grinned, nuzzling Adam.
“I’ve been sweating like crazy, and I haven’t been able to take a shower. Paul
actually had to help me to the bathroom yesterday. I need a bath.” Tommy kissed
the side of Adam’s neck, and heard him inhale. “Adam. The guest bathroom’s
through that door. Run me a bath?” Adam went absolutely still, then he breathed
out.
“Tommy, we’re at Lisa’s house, we cant’-“ Tommy kissed his neck again.
“Nobody’s home, I don’t think. If Lisa’s mom is, she won’t leave her office.
And I need you to help me bathe. It’ll be okay.” Tommy wasn’t sure what the
hell he was doing-he wasn’t even sure if he could get it up. But he wanted
something good to happen today, and finally Adam was here, and that was a step
in the fucking right direction.
Adam turned around, and ran a finger down the side of Tommy’s face. “I-okay. If
you’re sure.” Then he kissed Tommy again, harder this time, and then pulled
back. “I’ll-yeah. I’ll start the water.” He went into the bathroom, looking
stunned.
“Not too hot,” Tommy said, then laid back, smiling. This day was finally
looking up.
Adam came back after a minute. “Um, I’ve got it going and I got you a towel,
what else do you need me to do?” Tommy sat up a little and held out his hands.
“Help me up.” Adam smiled and helped Tommy off the bed, holding on when he
stumbled. “Fuck, you really do need help, yeah?” Tommy nodded, head against
Adam’s chest. Adam’s heart was beating fast, and his hands were shaking again,
but he was holding on. Adam walked them both to the bathroom, Tommy snug up
against him. When they got there, Tommy just held still until Adam got the
message and started stripping him, Tommy holding on to the sink for support.
When he was naked, Adam pulled Tommy close again, kissing him and rubbing over
his ass. Tommy smiled into Adam’s kisses. He really did love Adam being taller
and more solid.
“I thought about you so much since that night,” Adam whispered. “I came so many
times thinking about you.” Tommy swallowed as Adam rubbed those beautiful
fucking hands up Tommy’s ass, sweeping up to the middle of his back and down
again. Tommy thought he might be able to get hard after all, no matter how sick
he was. He could feel how hard Adam was already, through his jeans.
After a minute, Adam walked Tommy over to the bathtub and helped him get in,
Tommy’s bad arm sticking awkwardly to the side. Adam just looked down at Tommy
for a minute, as Tommy leaned back, head resting against the tile. “Oh my god,”
Adam whispered. Adam kneeled down in front of the tub and rubbed his thumb over
Tommy’s mouth, whimpering when Tommy sucked on it, nipping it slightly. Tommy
ran his tongue over it, then let go. “Come on, get me clean,” he said, smiling
up at Adam.
“Oh, fuck you.” Adam said, but he got the washcloth and started soaping Tommy
up. Tommy kept his eyes closed as Adam washed him carefully, rubbing over his
body. “That’s it, keep your eyes closed,” Adam whispered, and he heard the
shower head come on. Adam washed and rinsed his hair, and it was all done
gently and with so much care that Tommy could barely stand it. Then it was
done, and Tommy opened his eyes.
Adam was still kneeling by the tub, rubbing his cock through his jeans. Tommy
caught Adam’s eye, and licked his lips. Adam looked doubtful, scared again, but
he undid his jeans and pulled them and his underwear to the floor. “How are
we…”Adam started, but Tommy moved him until Adam was sitting on the side of the
tub. “Fuck that’s cold-oh.” Tommy didn’t say anything, too busy trying to get
as much of Adam’s cock as he could.
Adam held Tommy gently, supporting his neck as Tommy sucked him off. He didn’t
go too fast, wanting to feel Adam after not seeing him for a whole day. One
day…that shouldn’t have bothered him so fucking much. But now everything was
fine, it was good. Even though he was still tired and only about half-hard,
things were going fucking great.
He kept sucking, licking at the head of Adam’s (god, fucking huge) cock,
stroking it kind of lazily with the other hand. Adam eventually put his hand
over Tommy’s and stroked faster, biting his lip to keep from making noise.
Tommy looked up at Adam, then sunk down as far as he could without gagging.
“Fuck, fuck, get off-“ Adam pulled at Tommy’s wet hair, and he pulled back in
time for Adam to come over his hand, getting Tommy’s chest, neck and chin. He
looked up to watch, to see Adam tremble and lean forward, head dropped down to
his chest. “Yes, yeah, like that, oh god.” Adam took a few deep breaths and
looked at Tommy. “Oh my god, you’re amazing.”
“Mmmm,” Tommy said, smiling. Adam cleaned him off with the washcloth and
reached to cup Tommy’s cock, and frowned. “What’s wrong? I-oh god, I’m sorry,
did I do something-“ And Tommy had to start talking fast to get him away from
that idea quick.
“No, no it’s not you. I’m just-I’ve been asleep or delirious most of yesterday
and today, or on the phone trying to find where you were. So I’m kinda tired
and can’t get it up. That’s all. Don’t worry, I loved it.” Tommy slid back into
the water, smiling. “That was fucking awesome. And I don’t mind, anyway. You
know, giving and not getting anything back. That’s how it is, sometimes.”
Adam watched Tommy in the water for a long minute, then said “I’ll make it up
to you as soon as I can. And thank you. And um, you must be feeling better. You
didn’t feel like you had a fever to me.”
Tommy grinned harder. “I think I’ve felt better ever since you showed up.” Then
he laughed. “Fuck, that was sappy. Don’t tell Anoop I said that, he’ll make fun
of me forever.” Adam laughed too, and helped get Tommy out of the tub, toweling
him down. Tommy curled up against Adam when he was dry. He couldn't stop the
smile that kept breaking over his face, and he didn't want to.
When Lisa found them a half hour later, Tommy was wearing an old pair of gym
shorts and a robe, sitting in an old chair and propped up with pillows. Adam
was stripping Tommy’s bed, about to start the laundry. Lisa looked at the two
of them, and put a hand over her eyes. “Tommy, please tell me you didn’t get
laid in my house in two days when I haven’t for two months.” Adam looked over
at Tommy, not knowing if she was really mad or not. Tommy winked and then
grinned at Lisa.
“Well, technically…” Adam laughed, even though he was still bright red.
“Never fucking mind, I don’t want to know.” Lisa was smiling too, despite her
words. “Adam, don’t you dare start doing his laundry for him. He’s a
manipulative little fucker when he wants to be. I’ll take it, I already take
care of his dumb ass.” Lisa got the sheets and marched back out toward the
laundry room, still in her rehearsal outfit.
After that, they all met in Lisa’s room for tea and movies. Midway through The
Evil Dead, Tommy was stretched over Adam’s lap, head pillowed on his thigh,
almost asleep. Adam was petting his hair, and it was relaxing, lulling Tommy.
Then, just barely heard over the screaming Deadites on screen, Lisa said to
Adam “You like him, right?” Tommy held still, pretending to be fully asleep.
Adam kept petting Tommy’s hair, and Tommy heard him say “Yeah, I think I do.
God, it’s too soon.” Tommy could hear the doubt in Adam’s voice, which only got
worse when he heard “I wonder why he wants me around. I wonder how long it’s
going to last.”
The last thing Tommy thought before he went under was Until you ask me to go.
***** Chapter Ten *****
Chapter Summary
     Tommy gets better, and starts making some changes.
Chapter Notes
     Thanks to everyone who's reading this. Sorry for the bad German.
Tommy woke up the next morning in the guest bedroom again, groggy and tired
still. Lisa came in with his medications and some more goddamned soup and told
them to take them or else. As he was choking the soup down, she said “Oh, Adam
brought you back here when you fell asleep. He’s stronger than I thought.”
Tommy had to try very hard not to spill chicken rice soup on his sheets. Shit,
but that was a nice thought. Adam could pick him up.
After Lisa left for school, Tommy slept some more. Paul woke him up a few hours
later and gave him more soup and some rice pudding (hippie style with a lot of
raisins and dates), and he took his antibiotics again. Then he fell asleep
again. Finally, Tommy woke up suddenly to a dark room. He could hear movement
and clatter down the hall so he got up, swaying a bit, and turned on the light.
He dressed in sagging sweatpants (fuck he’d lost a lot of weight) and walked
toward the noise. The whole Harrington family was having dinner together,
Lisa’s mom included, and they turned to stare like he was a ghost.
Tommy leaned against the doorway.“Can I have something to eat that isn’t
fucking soup please?”
The next day, Paul took Tommy back to the doctor. Dr. Richardson pronounced him
well on the way to recovery, with his fever down and his arm better, although
not 100 percent. “If you want, you can head by school today and get your
assignments, but I wouldn’t do a full day yet.” Tommy nodded. “So…how are you
feeling?”
Tommy knew she meant besides the arm. “I’m cranky, a little shaky, and I want
to drink. Do you have any advice?” Dr. Richardson looked honestly upset, but
she gave him a couple of pamphlets. “Here’s some stuff for helping with
cravings. And you can always call Alcoholics Anonymous….”
“I don’t want to go there, they think you have to believe in a God, and I
don’t.” Tommy did take one of their pamphlets, though, as Dr. Richardson tried
to get him not to entirely rule it out. When that was done, Tommy got up and
Paul took him to the school.
**
“Miss me?” Tommy grinned a little as the table full of his fellow drama nerds
stared at him. Then Brad squealed and started clapping, which set off Anoop and
Kris. Megan just smiled and tried to check out his arm without being obvious.
Heh. And Adam….wasn’t with them. Oh, Tommy thought. Lunch, food. He was
probably somewhere else. This was confirmed when Alisan stood up, kissed Tommy
on the cheek and left the lunchroom. Tommy figured she would find him. “Nice to
see you guys too, but can I sit down?” Tommy was still pretty lightheaded.
Kris stood up and gave Tommy his seat, which Tommy thought was pretty fucking
gentlemanly of him. “You look a lot better today, man” he said, very earnestly.
“How do you feel?”
Tommy shrugged. “Okay, still tired. I just have to get my work and then check
in with the guidance counselor. I’ve already been by the nurse’s office. I’m
still taking the antibiotics. God, does anybody have a Coke? I’m like, craving
one. And something to eat.” Anoop pushed a can of Pepsi over at him, and Kris
gave him a turkey sandwich. “Thanks.” Tommy ate half the sandwich and then
drained the can of Pepsi in one gulp. Megan tried not to laugh when he burped.
“So classy,” Anoop said, but he was smiling. “So you’re going to be back for
school tomorrow? “ Tommy nodded, eating the rest of the sandwich.
“Yeah. I’ll try to make rehearsal too, but no promises.” Tommy looked up then,
and Alisan had come back in with Adam. Everyone at the table went quiet, the
fuckers, as him and Adam stared at each other. Tommy broke first, smiling at
Adam. “Hey. Wanna sit down?”
“I-yeah.” Adam looked shy again, as shy as he had been at first. Tommy wasn’t
sure why until Adam sat next to him and Tommy caught a look at Adam’s crotch.
Holy shit, Adam was half hard just from sitting next to him. This was gonna
make going to classes together awkward. Tommy swallowed and tried to catch
Adam’s eye. Adam was too embarrassed to look at him.
The awkward silence continued at the table until lunch was over.
After that minor debacle, Tommy headed to the guidance counselor to get his
homework assignments for the week. “Hi,” he said, walking into her office
slowly. Mrs. Haden looked at him in surprise as he slowly sat down in the chair
across from her desk. “So I’m here for my homework?”
“Yes. I’m glad to see you’re feeling better, Tommy.” She seemed rattled as she
said it, as if something was disturbing her. “I have everything here, so you
can take it and either go home or try to catch your last two classes.”
“Great,” Tommy said, reaching for it, but then Mrs. Haden stopped him with a
hand on his arm.
“Tommy, why is it that you don’t have any parental contacts in your
information? We called a number and got a woman-“
“She’s a family member,” Tommy said, voice curt. “Look, don’t worry about it. I
have people who are legally allowed to sign papers and stuff. I’m okay. Just
don’t ask me about it, I don’t like to get into details.” He stepped away from
her, and her hand dropped.
“But Tommy, your father-“ she started, and Tommy glared at her.
“My dad deserves everything bad that happens to him, and he hasn’t tried to
talk to me in two years. I’m fine with that.” Tommy pushed a hand through his
hair. “I can’t get upset now. I’m barely fucking walking as it is. Everyone
wants me to talk about it and I just can’t. Look, just talk to the people I
have listed. They know what’s going on.”
Tommy pushed his way up slowly and headed for the door, but not before Mrs.
Haden said “Your family member said she hasn’t seen you in a while.” Tommy
paused, and looked back at her. He could feel the resignation on his face as he
sighed.
“Yeah,” he said. “I’ll call her tonight. Thanks.” Then he left, while Mrs.
Haden just watched him go.
Guidance counselors were totally worthless.
Tommy slept his way through his last two classes, although he did wake up when
DioGuardi the crazy creative writing teacher started banging on her desk while
talking about putting as much meaning in your writing as possible. She hugged
him when class was let out, telling him how much she had missed him. But then,
she hugged a lot of her male students. She was starting to get a reputation.
Tommy walked out to the parking lot, his nerves jittery, needing a smoke. When
he got there, Lisa was beside her car, already lighting one up. He walked up to
her and put an arm around. “Hey, can I bum one?” She smiled and got him one.
“Hi stranger, or I should say, hi person living in my house.” Tommy laughed and
let her light it for him. He took a drag and exhaled, shaking a little. “Hey
Tommy, what’s wrong? Are you tired?”
Tommy shrugged. “Kinda. I’ve been shaky and sleepy and god-I want something
sweet really bad. And I’m still hungry-I haven’t eaten much.” Tommy took
another drag off the cigarette. “I want to drink. I’m not going to.” Tommy
groaned. “Fuck. Why didn’t you tell me what a fuckin’ mess I am before this
happened?”
“I did, asshole,” Lisa said, smiling a little. Her hand went up and petted the
back of his neck. Tommy closed his eyes to it. “You’re lucky I love you, Tommy
Joe.” Tommy just nodded, because she was being sarcastic but it was also very
true.
“Um, hey.” Tommy’s eyes flew open at that voice. Adam was standing in front of
him, looking bashful and a little uncomfortable. “I’m sorry about lunch. “
Tommy moved towards Adam, forgetting about Lisa for a second.
“Hey, no problem. It was just kinda awkward. Um, do you want to go somewhere
and talk? We can go to Allen’s if you want to.” Tommy watched as Adam’s face
went red and Tommy swore that Adam might be getting turned on again. Tommy was
staring when he felt a pinch on his arm. “Ow, what?” Tommy smiled over at Adam
while Lisa dragged him over to the other side of the car. “Fuck, what did I
do?”
“Tommy! You’re just starting to get better, you don’t need to go to Allen’s and
fuck Adam until you get sick again.” Lisa hissed it at him, face close. “I love
Adam, I think it’s great you two are together, but I want you to come back to
our house. My dad’s really enjoyed having you over.”
Tommy held up his hands. “Lisa, it’s okay, chill out. Adam’s a little freaked
right now, I want to be at Allen’s with him, and I swear I’ll get him to take
me to your house later. If I pass out there, call me, okay?” Lisa looked at him
for a long minute, and took a drag off her cigarette, nodding. “Good.” Tommy
turned back around and saw that Adam was looking at his feet. He came up
quietly and nudged Adam’s arm. “Okay?”
“I’m okay,” Adam whispered, which made Tommy think the fuck you are, Lambert.
Adam seemed really scared, and Tommy wasn’t sure why. Adam looked up and bit
his lip. “I-okay, I’ll take you to Allen’s. Do you want me to stay with you a
while?”
“Hell fuckin’ yeah. I mean, yes. Come on, I won’t keep you too long. You don’t
have to be anywhere tonight, do you?” Adam shook his head, smiling a little.
“Okay. Take me back to Lisa’s house after a while.” Adam nodded again, his
tongue darting out for a moment to lick his lips.
It was probably not a fucking conscious thing, but it still made Tommy get a
little turned on. He started to follow Adam, when Lisa shoved his backpack full
of homework at him. “Okay, okay, I got it. And yes, I have my medications. And
I’ll call!” Adam looked over at Tommy, brow furrowed, and Tommy shook his head.
“She’s really treating me like a little brother now.” Adam laughed, kind of
forced, and they got into his car.
They didn’t say much on the way over. Adam was listening to some musical or
another and Tommy was tolerating it for Adam’s sake. After a minute he said
“Hey, Adam. Um, I’m really hungry, I’ve barely eaten for three days. If we get
some food to take over there, is that okay? Me eating in front of you?”
Adam looked over at him, and smiled more genuinelly then he had before. “Oh
sure, that’s fine. People do it all the time. Thanks for asking me though. Do
you want to get fast food or-“ Adam trailed off as they approached a Von’s.
“Let’s go there. I’m going to get a whole fucking bunch of Cokes.” Adam pulled
into the parking lot and Tommy barely waited for the car to stop before he
scrambled out. He looked at Adam, who just shook his head, indicated he would
stay in the car. Tommy ran in and starting grabbing shit. When he came back
out, he dumped everything in the back seat. “Come on, let’s go see the
spiders.” Adam looked wide-eyed, and Tommy said quickly “Don’t worry. Lisa’s
got a key, remember? She fed the babies while I was passed out. “
“Yeah,” Adam said. “I like Lisa, you know. She really…she wants to look after
you.” Tommy dropped his head a little, figuring he knew what was coming next.
“Don’t worry, she didn’t tell me anything,” Adam said. “But, I mean, you’ll
tell me right? I won’t be mad, whatever it is.”
Tommy sighed, he had wanted to wait awhile before getting into this. After a
minute, he said quietly, “I live alone.”
“Oh.” Adam kept watching the road.
“I don’t want anyone to see my house.”
Adam nodded, still not looking at him.
“I don’t want to talk about where my parents are. They’re both still alive. I
don’t…fuck. I’m sorry. It just makes me too mad. So that’s as much as I can say
now.” Tommy pushed himself down in the seat, looking out the window. It was a
pretty day. “I don’t like people feeling sorry for me, and I don’t want anyone
to treat me differently, so I don’t say much. I think a few people have me
figured out, though.”
Adam didn’t say anything for a long minute, and Tommy wondered if he had just
fucked it up. Then Adam said something that Tommy could barely here. “Thank
you. For telling me as much as you did. I know you didn’t want to.” Tommy felt
a hand on his knee and just nodded. “I know you don’t want pity, and I don’t.
But I am sorry.”
“Forget about it. I mean, we have problems.” Tommy laughed. “We are kind of
fucked up.” Adam looked at him, shocked, and then laughed too.
“It’s the truth.” Then they were at Allen’s place, and Adam was parking the car
while Tommy scrambled for the grocery bags. Adam was already halfway to the
door, and Tommy grinned. Adam was just so fucking eager when they were alone,
it was so fucking cute. When he saw Tommy with the bags, he ran back and
grabbed a few, including the 12-packs of Coke.
As soon as Tommy had opened the door and let them both in, Adam closed it and
put his stuff on the floor, arms going around Tommy. “Hi,” he said, still
sounding a little unsure but Tommy could feel the strength in his arms as he
held him.
“Hey,” Tommy tipped his head up and Adam’s mouth came down to kiss him, and
Tommy felt the little knot he’d had in his chest since the awkwardness at lunch
disappear. He knew it was nothing, they were just going to have to learn how to
act around each other in school. Tommy dropped his bags and put his arms around
Adam’s waist, pulling him in closer. He felt Adam try to suck in his stomach
when it touched Tommy, but Tommy just held on tighter. “Don’t pull back,” he
muttered into the kiss.
“Okay,” Adam moved one of his arms and put it on the door, next to Tommy’s
head. He was pressing Tommy into the door now, his kisses getting more
demanding. Tommy felt Adam’s other hand rubbing over his hip, then up his
shirt. Tommy had to break away from the kisses to moan sharply when Adam
reached up and skirted one of his nipples. “Does that feel good? I like it when
I do it to myself.”
“Fuck yeah it feels good.” Tommy moved up to kiss Adam again, trying to take
over, but Adam just tweaked his nipple and Tommy had to lean against the door,
the breath surprised out of him. Adam kissed him harder, getting bolder, then
he stopped and moved back. Tommy was just about to make a fucking protest when
Adam started pulling at Tommy’s jeans. “I promised you,” he said, kneeling down
on the floor around the grocery bags.
“Oh fuck, yeah.” Tommy leaned against the doorway and closed his eyes. He
moaned as Adam’s long fingers got his cock out of his jeans and stroked. He
opened his eyes to watch as Adam sucked him in. Adam pulled off. “Tell me what
you like, okay?”
Tommy nodded. “Cover your teeth with your lips. You can suck the head most. And
I like tongue.” Tommy bit his lip as Adam did everything Tommy told him,
getting a good pace going. His hand wrapped around the base and Tommy put his
hand on top of it, showing Adam how fast to stroke. Adam soon got the hang of
it, making Tommy moan and try hard not to move into it. After a few minutes
Tommy said “Pull off, Adam, pull off, I’m going to-“
Adam pulled off just in time as Tommy came in Adam’s hand, getting his shirt
wet. “Oh shit. Sorry. Oh fuck, that was amazing.” Tommy slid down and sat on
the floor, moving a package of hot dogs out of his way. He panted for a few
minutes, so tired. Jesus, maybe Lisa had been right-no marathon fuck sessions
for him for at least a couple more days.
Adam knelt in the space between Tommy’s legs and pulled him close. “Don’t worry
about the shirt, I can wash it off in the sink. My pants too.” Tommy looked up
at him and then let out a surprised laugh. “I know! When I saw you come, well…”
Tommy let Adam hold him for a minute, until his stomach started growling. “Oh,
you said you were hungry. I can fix some of this for you if you want.” Tommy
nodded and Adam kissed him, mouth open, and then pulled back, taking the
groceries with him.
Tommy pulled himself over to the mattress as Adam went through the bags,
looking at what was available. “There’s pots and stuff here, right?” he said,
looking over his shoulder at Tommy. Tommy pointed to over Adam’s head, and he
said “oh”, and got one of the pots from the hanger. “So, um, hot dogs?” Tommy
nodded.
“And mac and cheese-I bought a little milk, and there’s margarine in the
fridge. God, I want real food so bad. Soup every meal is so boring.” Tommy
nearly pulled everything back on, but then thought ‘why’ and instead took off
his shoes, socks and jeans, keeping the underwear on. Then he threw the sheet
over him and wrinkled his nose. He really did need to wash those fuckin’
sheets.
Adam put water on to boil in two pots, one on each boiler. “Hey, want me to put
some music on?” Tommy nodded, and Adam’s eyes flickered over him before he went
over to the boxes of records on the floor. “Okay, um. What the hell, the
Butthole Surfers? Squirrel Bait?” Tommy laughed. “Do you have anything I might
have heard of?” Tommy sat up against the pillows.
“Like what? What do you like besides musicals?” Tommy scratched his head, and
thought about Brad-he really didn’t know Adam that well yet.
“Well, I like 70’s rock, like glitter rock. David Bowie, T. Rex, and I like
dance music.” Tommy made a face and Adam laughed. “Shut up, I’m cooking for
you. And um, I like a lot of stuff, I just haven’t heard of much of this. Is
there any of that band you guys were playing in the car on the way to the
Points? Husker something?”
“Husker Du, and yeah, there ought to be at least one in there.” Adam rummaged
around and put on a record. Tommy grinned when he heard Zen Arcade start. “Fuck
yeah!” Adam laughed a little and went back to fixing food. Tommy laid back and
napped a little, until he felt Adam tug at him.
“Hey, come eat at the table. You don’t need to be lying down so much now, do
you?” Tommy nodded, because that was probably right. He got up, grabbing a
couple of Cokes from the 12 packs on the floor. He handed Adam one, and Adam
sat it on the table. “I don’t know, I might have tea instead.” Tommy grimaced
and Adam shook his head. “It’s okay, I drink them sometimes. But you’re the one
who wanted them. So, mac and cheese, and two hot dogs. And here’s the ketchup.”
Tommy grinned and cut up his hot dogs (no buns, thank you) with his fork, put
them over the Kraft mac and cheese, and poured ketchup over all of it. Adam
made a face and Tommy laughed. “it’s good!” He ate his food quickly, then
chugged his Coke. “God, I want sweet stuff so bad.”
“Yeah? You don’t normally? Do you think it’s because you’ve been sick, more
calories, or something?” Tommy shrugged. Adam looked down at his shirt and made
a face. “Shit, I gotta try to get that stain off.” He pulled his shirt off and
went to the sink, trying to clean it. Tommy blinked-it was the first time Adam
had taken off his shirt in front of him. He had a ton of dusty freckles over
his back, to go with the ones on his arms and legs. Tommy had seen Adam in an
undershirt, but now he could really apperciate how broad Adam’s shoulders were.
Just then Adam turned around and saw Tommy staring. “Oh shit, no, don’t look-“
Tommy moved over to where Adam was. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I told you, I like
the way you look.” Adam kept his back turned, putting his hands over his
stomach. “Hey. I’ll take care of the shirt. You took care of me by fixing me
something to eat,I’ll take care of this. Lie down if you want to.” Adam watched
him, nervous, and then moved over to the mattress.
Tommy scrubbed at the shirt a little, trying to get the come stain off. “Okay,
that has to dry.” He came over to where Adam was, covered by a sheet. Adam was
looking at his legs right then, blushing a little. “Hey, it’s okay.”
“I’m sorry. I was staring at you in your fucking tightie whities, you can look
at me without a shirt.” Adam pulled the sheet down, just a little. Tommy saw a
bare shoulder. “I just…you know. I told you, it sucks.”
Tommy got on the mattress. “Can I get in too?” Adam nodded and Tommy slid in
next to him. “Don’t worry, we’ll just talk about other things.” Adam looked
amused, and Tommy said “Brad told me that I didn’t really know you yet, and
that goes both ways. We always talk about the deep stuff.”
Adam laughed. “So you want to talk about movies or something for a while?
Okay.” So while they waited for Adam’s shirt to dry, they talked about music,
movies, how Adam got into theater, and when Tommy started playing guitar. When
they finally stopped, the sun was getting low and Tommy went over to check on
Adam’s shirt. “Okay, dry. Can we feed the babies and then you take me back to
Lisa’s? I don’t think Paul is ready for me to move out of his spare bedroom
yet.”
Adam put the shirt on, his back to Tommy. “Yeah, sure, I’ll feed the spiders.”
They took care of the animals, Tommy did a half-assed pick-up of the apartment,
and then they left, Tommy taking the Cokes with him. They kept talking on the
way over, Tommy recounting all the crazy shit he’d done at shows, from
stagediving off a balcony to getting a blowjob during a gig. “Not for long
though, the security for the headlining act chased her away. And we were banned
for playing the Sum for six months. So my band threw me out.”
“Oh my god!” Adam laughed. “ I can’t believe it-how many bands have you been
in, anyway?” They were driving up Lisa’s street now.
“I can’t even remember, I can’t keep a band. I’m really good though. In a
couple of days, you’ll get to hear me play guitar.” He couldn’t fuckin’ help
it, he grinned big at the thought.
Adam did too. “Looking forward to it, maybe you know something I can sing.”
Tommy laughed and looked around, then kissed Adam on the cheek, quickly.
“Night.” Adam blushed and waved goodnight. Lisa was standing on the porch by
then, and she waved at Adam, then frowned at Tommy.
“I can’t believe you’re using Allen’s as your own personal love nest. You are a
freak.” Tommy grinned and hugged her. “Oh God, get off of me, you smell like
spunk. I don’t even want to know…” She was smiling though, even as she gave
Tommy a hard time.
Tommy came in and the look of relief on Paul’s face was enough to make him want
to kick his own ass for not coming by. He smiled at him and Lisa’s mom, Dr.
Tucker-Harrington (Tommy was sure she had a first name, he just didn’t know
it). He begged off for a shower and some time alone, saying he still felt kind
of tired. Lisa smirked.
He took a shower, scrubbing himself and remembering when Adam had bathed him.
He was so much stronger than he had been two days before. Strong enough to do
something he’d been putting off too long now.
When he was in the guest room, wrapped in a robe, he grabbed the phone and made
a call. He waited three rings, and the phone picked up. “Hello? Oma? Yes. I’m
fine now, danke. I’m sorry I didn’t call. I know, I’m sorry. Sorry dass ich
nicht mit Sie gesprochen habe, Oma. I don’t know.” Tommy took a deep shaking
breath. “I’m going to do better. I promise. Ja. I’m sorry. I know. Yes, I’ll
come see you.” He listened for a few minutes while his Oma told him off, then
he said “Nein, nein. Ich will nicht tote. I’m not going to die. Ja, I promise.
How are you?”
He listened as she told him about her kids and what was going on with them, and
then she demanded again he come over for Sunday dinner and church. “I’ll try.
Can I just come for dinner? Nein. Oma..” Tommy sighed, this is why they had
trouble. Explaining to a sixty-five year old German Lutheran that he was an
atheist was never easy. “I’ll come by. You’ll fix sauerbraten, bitte? Okay.
Yes, I will. Okay, Gute Nacht. Love you.” He hung up the phone, head pounding.
He had ignored her for too long. She wasn’t really his Oma, but she was close
enough.
Close-a-fucking-nough. Now he had to go to bed. He was getting a headache. He
laid down, suddenly exhausted, and slept immediately, with no dreams.
***
German translations:
Oma-grandmother
Danke-thanks
Sorry dass ich nicht mit Sie gesprochen habe -I didn’t mean to not speak with
you (Or, I’m sorry I didn’t speak to you)
Ja-yes
Nein-no
Ich will nicht tote-I don’t want to die.
Bitte-Please
Gute Nacht-Good night
***** Chapter Eleven *****
Chapter Summary
     Tommy is surly and Adam wants to introduce him to the family.
Chapter Notes
     I like this chapter, Tommy's really complicated, cranky, and hard to
     love. That just makes Adam love him more though. Also, Tommy is
     drinking a lot of sugary soda to deal with booze cravings. I did this
     too, it's part of recovery.
Speed agility super strength-“Ares”, Bloc Party
Tommy woke up in the guest room, blinking at the noise. He looked over and Lisa
was standing over the bed, with her alarm clock plugged in and blaring. “Okay,
okay, I’m getting up, shit.” Tommy dragged himself out of the bed slowly,
rubbing over his face. “Knock that off, my head still hurts.” He hit the alarm
button.
“Come on, asshole. You’re going back to school today, full day.” Lisa said, way
too chipper. She was already dressed but didn’t have her makeup on. Tommy
always thought she looked so cute and young without it, but he never said so.
Wearing a full face of paint made her feel good and pissed off her feminist
mom. Who Tommy was now staying in the same house with. Huh.
“You better go, I slept naked last night.” Tommy grinned as Lisa stuck her
tongue out at him and left. He dragged himself to the shower, taking a look at
his arm. It wasn’t swollen anymore, and the redness was gone. It still ached a
little, but maybe that was from not moving it. He wasn’t sure. The tiredness
was still there. Fuck, he was gonna need a lot of coffee.
Tommy showed up in the kitchen twenty minutes later, showered, dressed and with
his hair not fixed. Fuck it, it could flop today, he didn’t care. He headed
straight to the coffee maker and fixed a big cup, extra sugar. Belatedly, he
saw Paul over at the breakfast nook. “Oh,morning.”
“Morning Tommy, are you running late? You should eat something.” The way Paul
said it, like it was so normal that Tommy could be here, made Tommy’s heart
ache a little. Paul had always welcomed him, and he couldn’t always handle
that. Tommy sipped some of his coffee, really good stuff, and nodded. Paul put
a plate in front of him. “Here, it’s some whole grain pancakes and applesauce.
You’re still recovering, so no syrup.” Tommy frowned-like he didn’t just put a
whole shitload of sugar in his coffee. “I saw all those sodas you brought home,
Tommy, you’re eating a lot of-“
“I’m craving it, okay?” Tommy said, too sharp, and Paul looked stunned. Tommy
sighed. “I’m sorry. Look, I’ll just eat and go to school. I’m too much trouble
for you guys-“
“Tommy,” Paul said, and fuck that was a pretty exasperated tone of voice for
Paul to take. “You’re not sponging off of us. I asked you if you wanted to live
here. Last night, you could have stayed at Allen’s or at your house, but you
promised Lisa you’d come here. Do you want to stay for a while? It can be as
long as you want.”
Tommy figured it was way too early to make a decision of this size, but he just
gulped some more coffee. “I think-if it’s okay with Lisa’s mom, I-okay. I’ll
get some clothes from Allen’s and my house.” Tommy took another drink of
coffee-his hands were shaking now, anxious. “I think I need…I mean, yeah.” I
don’t think I need to be alone now, he thought.
Paul didn’t say anything, just nodded. Tommy finished his pancakes in silence,
then got up to put the dish in the sink. Paul came up behind him. “I’m glad.
And I’m…proud of you. You’re incredibly strong.” Tommy just shook his head,
because he felt like he could fall apart any second-GOD, he was craving so
hard. “You are. I’m glad you’re finally taking care of yourself.” Tommy gripped
the sink, because fuck, that kind of stung. Finally. He thought he had been
taking care of himself, but he had been wrong.
“I should probably get my backpack,” he whispered. “Is Lisa’s mom really okay
with this?” He felt an unfamiliar hand on his back and went rigid.
“My name is Margret. Or Maggie, if you’re my grandmother.” Tommy turned around
and saw Dr. Tucker-Harrington-wait, Margret-standing behind him. She had on a
nice gray suit, no makeup or jewelry, and her hair brushed back. “Paul tells me
everything. Of course you can stay. You’ll be fine here, I hope. Now, let me
see if Lisa’s ready.” She dropped her hand and left to go find Lisa. Tommy
could hear them arguing about the eyeliner Lisa wore and he had to put a hand
over his mouth to keep from laughing.
“Wow,” Tommy said when he caught his breath. “Do you think she’d fight with me
if I wore eyeliner?” Paul just shook his head, laughing too.
*
Lisa drove them both to school, Tommy still drinking coffee Paul had fixed in a
travel cup for him. He had fixed him a lunch too, all good healthy hippy stuff.
“Does your dad make you eat organic stir fry, or am I special?”
Lisa threw her cigarette out of the window. “You’ve been sick. He’s just being
careful. Take it easy today, okay? I don’t know if you should go to the drama
rehearsal or not.” Tommy just shook his head. Of course he’d be there. “I’m
serious, don’t overstress yourself. You can call me if you need to come home.”
“Jesus Christ, stop nagging. I’ll call. Now shut up.” Lisa didn’t say anything
while Tommy pouted in the passenger seat. Finally, he said “I’m sorry. I’m just
not used to it, that’s all. And I feel like shit.”
Lisa didn’t say anything until they pulled into the parking lot. Then she said,
“Okay. Have a good day. Let me know if you’re staying.” Tommy grinned and
kissed her on the cheek. “Gross, save that for your baby.” Tommy made a face as
he left the car, thinking He’s not my baby, come on. Then he saw Adam over by
his car, and he felt his face break into a stupid grin. Shit.
Adam walked him into the building, neither of them saying much, but it was a
lot less awkward than yesterday. Tommy didn’t see him again until drama class,
and they sat where they normally did, but Tommy talked to Adam over Kris’ head
before Paula started class. Tommy walked out of class with Adam and Kris, with
Anoop and Megan holding hands behind them.
Tommy tried to actually pay attention and catch up in his classes, and spent
his study period and most of lunch catching up on his homework (Adam wasn’t
there, so it wasn’t like he was missing anything). He resisted most efforts by
Kris and Megan to get him involved in the conversation, although he answered a
few things when asked. This lasted until Kris put his hand over Tommy’s paper
for history. “Relax. It doesn’t have to be in until after the weekend.” Tommy
scowled, but put it up.
“It’s just a lot to catch up on,” he said, going back to eating the cold noodle
stir-fry that Paul had made him. Kris shrugged and talked to him a little bit
about the time he got really sick after a trip overseas, which Tommy had heard
already goddamn it. Could everyone just stop talking for a fucking second?
Tommy put the lid on his lunch, leaving it, and left the lunch room. He wasn’t
mad, he just needed some quiet. He heard Kris and Anoop call after him, and
kept going. He wound up behind the theater, half hidden by a retainer wall. He
lit a cigarette and tried to calm his fucking nerves. He had his head leaned
against the wall and was exhaling the smoke when Anoop showed up. “Dude, please
just leave me alone. I’m not mad, okay?”
“Okay,” Anoop said, clearly not convinced. He sat down next to Tommy and pulled
out a cigarette.
“Didn’t know you smoked,” Tommy said, not looking at him. Anoop just shrugged
and lit it, taking a drag.
“Don’t tell Megan, I’m supposed to try to quit.” Anoop and Tommy both looked
ahead, not saying anything. After a few minutes, Anoop said, “So, my dad used
to work at Federal Bank.” Tommy didn’t say anything, but he stopped breathing.
“You know…about three years ago. He got fired without cause, along with a bunch
of other people. But I’m sure you know about that.”
“Please don’t talk about this to me now,” Tommy said, closing his eyes. He
figured Anoop knew who he was, but he didn’t think it was from personal
experience. “I’m not my dad, so don’t fuckin’ hold it against me.” Tommy
stubbed out his cigarette and lit another one. He had to have one, since the
craving for booze was just getting worse.
“I don’t blame you, idiot. I never have. And my family’s doing fine, thanks.
But when are you going to tell your friends? What about Adam?” Anoop looked
over at him and Tommy had to will himself not to leave right then.
“Anoop,” he said, voice quiet. “I’ve been trying very hard not to think about
this for years. How am I supposed to talk about it? And I’ve only known Adam a
few weeks. I just-“ Tommy had to look away. “I can’t handle this right now,
okay?” Anoop didn’t say anything. After a minute, Tommy said “I quit drinking.
I feel like shit.”
“Oh,” Anoop said. He looked back at Tommy. “I thought you looked different,
your eyes aren’t red and you look better. So that’s good.” Tommy chuckled a
little.
“Checking me out? I’ll tell Megan.” Anoop flicked his ash in Tommy’s direction
and grinned. “Asshole.” Tommy sat there for a few more minutes, until they
heard the bell ring. “Fuck, gotta go to class. I don’t know if I should thank
you for finding me or not. And-I’m sorry.”
“I said I wasn’t blaming you.” Anoop said. “See you tonight?” Tommy nodded and
they went in opposite directions. Tommy shoved his hands in his jacket pockets-
and felt a mini bottle of Jack stuck in between the pocket and the jacket
liner. He took it out and stared at it, his nerves soothed just by looking.
He’d always loved the label, the white lettering on black, the bottle shape,
everything.
He tossed it on the ground and kept walking. Maybe a freshman would find it.
When he got done with his classes, he met up with Lisa in the parking lot, and
saw her talking to Brad and Kris, all of them sitting on the trunk. “Hey guys,”
he said, smiling a little. Kris frowned. “Sorry about lunch, I just had to get
away. It was so loud.”
“I thought you liked that, Mr. Screeching Guitars,” Brad said, and Tommy sat
down next to him. Brad put his head on Tommy’s shoulder, blinking up at him,
and they all cracked up. Tommy was laughing so hard that he didn’t know anyone
was coming until Lisa whispered “Heads up.” Tommy looked up to see four jocks
headed their way. Fuck.
“Hey, are you Tommy Ratliff?” their leader said, a really big blond guy with
blue eyes. “Hey, I’m with the Christian Athletic League, and I just wanted to
say how glad we are that you’ve gotten better. Kris told us a couple of weeks
ago, and we’ve been praying for you. So, we just wanted to say hi and that
we’re praising God that you’re okay.” Tommy looked over at Kris for a minute
like you are one dead motherfucker before turning his attention back to the
jocks.
“Thanks,” he said, trying to sound sincere. “It’s good to know you
were…thinking about me. I’m better now.”
The big guy clapped him on the shoulder, making Tommy’s bones rattle a bit.
Tommy had no intention of starting a fight with this jackass, but he calculated
his chances of winning if he did. It was an old habit.“Hey, I’m Michael. Just
let me know if there’s anything we can do. You can come to my church sometime!”
He started to walk off, and Tommy said under his breath, “Oh, I wouldn’t
fuckin’ miss it”. Michael didn’t hear him, talking to his nice Christian
football buddies about the next game. Brad and Lisa were both looking at Tommy
for his reaction. Kris looked like he wanted to crawl into the ground.
Tommy raised an eyebrow over at Kris, who had please don’t kill me written all
over his face. “You did this before I told you to knock that shit off, right?”
Kris nodded, a little white around his eyes. “And these guys are part of your
‘god actually doesn’t like bigots’ ministry?” Kris nodded again. Tommy shook
his head. “Putting people on prayer lists without asking them is rude,” Tommy
said, smiling big. Kris actually exhaled in a whoosh, and everyone started
laughing again. “Seriously, next time you want to do this for someone, just
ask. Most of them aren’t me.” Tommy laughed again and looked for another
cigarette.
“I’m sorry, really. I guess I never thought anyone would object. I’ll ask next
time, promise.” Kris was blushing a little. Tommy had just lit his cigarette
when Adam came up, along with Alisan. “Hey,” he said, cig forgotten.
“Hey,” Adam said, not as shy as yesterday. “Um, I’m going home before practice,
do you want to come with me?” Tommy just stared blankly, and Adam started to
back away. “Um, forget it, you don’t have to”-
“Yeah!” Tommy threw his cigarette down and stomped on it. “Are we going now?
Yeah, sure, you just surprised the shit out of me.” Adam looked shocked but he
laughed a little, turning red.
“Okay. Um, I’m taking Alisan home, and then we’ll go. Hop in.” Adam walked to
his car, looking over at Tommy. Tommy kissed Lisa on the cheek, Brad on the
hand, and then ran off. “Bye!” Kris gestured at him like What? No kiss? So
Tommy ran back and smacked one on his forehead. Then he ran and got into the
backseat, leaving Alisan the front. “Let’s go!” Adam laughed and turned up the
music, Bowie’s Diamond Dogs. Tommy hummed along, wondering if he could play it
on guitar now.
When they dropped Alisan off, Tommy hopped in the front seat and gave Adam’s
hand a little squeeze. “So…what are we doing at your house?” He winked at Adam,
feeling ridiculous but happy. “Nobody home?” Fucking hell, but he needed some
time alone with Adam-his day had gone so shitty.
“Um, actually…” Adam looked really nervous and Tommy thought Oh shit. “My mom
wants to meet you. My dad and brother are gone, they’re going camping this
weekend. So me and mom are by ourselves. She told me to invite you to dinner.”
Tommy slumped down in his seat, and Adam said “It’ll be okay, it’s just my mom,
not everybody…”
“Oh goddamn.” Tommy groaned. The only time any chick he ever dated wanted him
to meet the parents, it was to punish them for something. And Adam wanted to
show him off or some shit. “Adam, what the fuck? What are you thinking, oh my
God!” Tommy felt his temper start to overflow. “And of all fucking days-Adam,
I’m like five days off drinking and I look like shit and your mom probably
hates me for taking you to the Points and just-fuck!” Tommy had to lie back,
tired. Adam didn’t say anything, but Tommy could see him biting his lip. “Adam,
I’m-fuck. I’m not mad at you. But you should have warned me.”
“I’m sorry.” Adam said. “I didn’t think it would be a problem.” Tommy had to
curl his hand into a fist, because yes it fucking was a problem. “But see, I’ve
been telling my mom how sick you’ve been, and she wanted to see you.”
“Adam. Did you tell your mom we were…that we…”He didn’t even know what to call
it. Tommy could not wrap his mind around some sixteen year old telling his mom
all about the guy he was fucking. That was fucking suicide, what the fuck.
“I told her we were dating, yes.” Adam whispered. Tommy closed his eyes for a
minute.
“You should have told me you were gonna do that.” Tommy said calmly. He was
shaking inside, but he was going to be calm now. Adam didn’t deserve to get
yelled at.“That could’ve turned out bad for you, man. Are you okay? She’s not
mad?” Adam looked over at him, eyes wide.
“You’re not mad about me telling about you?” Adam drove past the kid’s softball
park, and Tommy remembered when he went there as a kid, to pitch. Tommy shook
his head. What the hell did it matter for him? It’s not like he had any family
anyway.
“You could have gotten kicked out of the house. Most parents don’t take that
news very fucking well. I guess you got lucky. But why did you-why?” Tommy had
no idea why anyone would want him to have dinner with the folks.
“I was worried about you!” Adam said it like he’d been holding it back for
ages. “I was worried and then my mom asked what was wrong. And I don’t like to
lie to her. I don’t tell my dad everything, but me and mom…it’s different. So I
told her how much you were hurting. I didn’t say anything about your family,
except you were staying at Lisa’s. And she asked me if I was gay. And I said
yes.” Tommy watched as Adam kept his eyes on the road. “And then she asked me
if you were my boyfriend. And I said ‘I think so’.” Adam took a deep breath.
“Then she asked me a bunch of really embarrassing questions about what it is we
do, because she’s scared that I’ll get sick. And now she wants to meet you
again.”
“Yeah, she probably wants to run me off. I’m a guy, and I’m fucking her son.
She’ll love me, right.” Tommy stared straight ahead as they pulled up in front
of Adam’s house. Adam put a hand on his knee and Tommy had to fight to not
brush it off. Adam tipped Tommy’s face up with a finger.
“She’s not like that. She doesn’t hate you, she said she’s going into this with
an open mind. It’ll be okay. And my parents are pretty liberal.” Tommy shook
his head. He’d been a cranky fucker all day, and now he had to play nice for
Adam’s mom. Who knew he and Adam were…dating? Tommy frowned as he got out of
the car. Dating seemed to be the best word for it.
“I’ve never had to make a good impression on a parent before,” Tommy whispered
as they went up the stairs. Adam opened the front door and yelled “Hey, we’re
here!” Tommy tried to find a place for his backpack-oh god where, the floor, a
chair-when Adam’s mom came downstairs. Tommy remembered her, how pretty she
was. She was wearing white pants and a blue top and looked like she’d actually
dressed up for this. “Tommy, you’ve met my mom, Leila. Mom, Tommy.” Tommy
looked down for a second, then recovered and met her eyes.
“Hi.” He said, holding out his hand. “Um, it’s nice to meet you. Again.” Tommy
didn’t think he’d ever felt this awkward in his life. Leila smiled and took his
hand.
“Don’t worry about it, we’ll figure it out. This was…unexpected for me too.”
She squeezed his hand and Tommy smiled a little shaky around the edges. At
least they were both working without a net. “Tommy, are you hungry? I usually
have an early dinner before Adam’s rehearsal.” She went back to the kitchen.
“You boys help yourselves to any of the drinks. Except your dad’s beer, he gets
angry.” Tommy ignored the little gnawing feeling on his nerves he felt at the
mention of beer, and got himself a Coke. And then another one. By the time
Leila had dinner on the table, Tommy was on this third.
Dinner wasn’t easy. Leila tried to keep the conversation going, but Tommy
didn’t know what to say. He just answered questions in a monotone, while
watching Adam push food around out of the corner of his eye. Leila kept asking
him things, but Tommy was out of his depth. Finally, he gave up trying to
answer anything with more than a monosyllable. Leila gave up soon after, and
silence settled over the table.
When it was finally over, Tommy brought his plate to the kitchen, where Leila
was. “Hey. Um, I didn’t finish everything, do you have a compost box or can I
just throw it in the garbage or…” Tommy trailed off, feeling his face heat.
Leila looked up from where she was standing over the sink, and gave him a
little surprised smile. “Oh, just put it in the trash. Thank you, my boys never
bring their plates in, they just leave it to me.” Tommy scraped his plate and
then handed it to her, smiling a little. Fucking finally, the ice was starting
to break. “Tommy, I’m sorry if that was awkward for you.” Tommy felt shy again.
“It’s okay. I just didn’t know about it until we were in the car, you know? So
I’m all ugly and my hair looks like sh-oh, sorry.” Tommy blushed again. “I make
a really bad first impression.” Adam’s mom just laughed.
“Honey, have you seen who I’m married to? You can say any curse words you
want.” Tommy ducked his head, laughing. He wound up helping her put the dishes
in the dishwasher, making small talk about school.
Leila asked Tommy about his arm, and he pushed up his sleeve and showed her.
“See? It looks pretty good now.” He slid his sleeve back down, unconsciously
brushing his fingers over the fabric. “It feels good not to have that shell
cast on anymore.”
Leila nodded. “It looks almost healed. Tommy.” Tommy stilled then, because he
knew this was about to get serious. “You haven’t known Adam that long.” Tommy
shook his head, looking at the floor. “It seems really sudden, at least to me.
But, I remember, that’s how things are at that age. Things change fast.” There
was a slight change in tone at the last part, and Tommy looked up at her.
“They’re not going to change that fast,” he said, looking her in the eyes.
“I’m-I’m not going to-I’m happy.” Tommy was stunned by the last part, because
what the fuck? He had felt like shit eighty-five percent of the time during the
past three weeks. But Adam, yeah. Adam made him happy more times than he
didn’t. That was more than he could say about anyone. “I don’t know what else
to tell you,” he said, turning away. “I-it’s almost time for rehearsal, let me
go find him.” Leila let him go, as Tommy wandered out of the kitchen and went
upstairs.
Tommy found Adam in the bathroom, messing with his shirt, trying to fit it over
his stomach so it didn’t bulge. Tommy didn’t even say anything, he just walked
through the open door and hugged Adam. “Hey.”
“Tommy, what-“ and that’s all he got out before Tommy kissed him. “Tommy, my
mom’s downstairs!” Tommy just wrapped his arms around Adam harder, clinging to
him.
“I don’t need anything else right now,” he whispered. “My day sucked, just-
please.” Adam nodded against Tommy’s ear, and put his arms around Tommy,
holding him tight. They stood like that until Leila called them down.
Rehearsal itself was kind of boring, with Megan chattering about what everyone
was doing for Halloween. Tommy had honestly not given it any thought. Any other
year and he’d be either playing or at a show, but this time there was no
telling. Megan wanted to go to Rocky Horror, of course. Alisan wanted to have a
party. Tommy nudged Adam. “So, what do you want to do?”
“Oh, um, I’m not sure yet. I’d like to go to Rocky Horror, or anything really.”
Adam smiled. “I don’t get out much on Halloween. I never got out much at all,
but you know…” Tommy grinned and watched Adam blush, a little shy.
“Whatever you want to do, okay?” Tommy said, and then they all had to actually
rehearse, so Tommy stayed on the back of the stage and watched. Adam killed
“Secret Love” again, and this time Tommy was watching from the back, but it was
still amazing. He felt someone move up against him and it was Alisan, so he
leaned his head on her shoulder as they listened. Tommy stuck his fingers
between his teeth and whistled when Adam was done, and Adam did that full body
laugh that lit up his face. Tommy didn’t even know he was laughing too until
Brad tried to cover his mouth, the fucker.
Pretty soon rehearsal was over and Adam asked Tommy if he wanted to go for
pizza. Tommy shrugged. “I don’t know, I thought I’d go back to Lisa’s, call her
to give me a ride. I was supposed to call anyway, fuck.” Tommy had totally
forgotten about it. Adam made him stupid that way.
“Well, there’s a phone in Paula’s office back here. And um, do you want to, mom
said it would be okay if you, do you want to spend the night at my house?”
Tommy stared at him and Adam scrambled. “No, on the couch I mean. My mom isn’t
that open-minded.”
“I didn’t think so. Tease.” Tommy grinned. Okay, let me call.” He knocked on
the door to Paula’s office, and she opened it, eyes wide and a little startled
looking. “Hi. Can I use the phone?”
“Tommy, yes and I’m so glad to see you. Would you be interested in doing a
monologue for the production, now that you’re feeling better?” Tommy blinked,
and she continued. “I just hate that you don’t have anything to do and you’ve
been so sick and I thought maybe that would be something you could look forward
to. I know it’s only another month, but it won’t be a long monologue. Okay?”
Tommy stood there, and said “Okay, sure. Do I get to pick it? Or is there one
you have picked out?” Paula bounced in place, and then handed him a list of
principal-approved monologues for boys to perform. Tommy almost wanted to find
the girl’s approved list and do one of those just to fuck with everybody, but
he didn’t say that. “Thank you. I’ll have something picked by Monday.” Paula
did a little dance step and hugged him, then took off. “I think she’s happy I’m
back.” Tommy grinned, and went to the phone.
“Hey, Paul? Hi, I’m finished with rehearsal. Um, Adam’s asked me to have a
sleepover at his place. I’m going to be crashing on his couch. I just wanted to
let you know that’s where I’ll be. Lisa’s got the number if you need it. Okay.
Okay Paul. I’ll see you Saturday. Yeah ,bye.” Tommy turned to Adam and kissed
him quickly on the lips. “Let’s go.”
Tommy and Adam drove back to Adam’s house without saying goodbye to the others.
It had just seemed like too much trouble. On their way back, Tommy said “You
know, I like your mom. We talked when you were getting ready.”
“Yeah?” Adam’s gave him that huge smile again. “I love my mom. I hated I didn’t
tell her about me before now.” Tommy nodded, even though he still thought
telling a parent anything before you were out of the house was a bad idea. But,
Leila was okay for a parent. “I just couldn’t stop telling her about you, so
she figured it out.”
“I’m sorry that I upset you that much that you had to tell her,” Tommy said,
drinking another Coke. “I can’t believe I got sick twice. Fuck.” Tommy tossed
the Coke can out of the window, and rolled it back up. Adam gave him a sideways
look and Tommy said “What? You knew when you met me I did a lot worse than
litter.” Adam was still giggling when they pulled into his driveway. Adam was
undoing his seatbelt (he actually used it, what the fuck) and Tommy just said
“Hey,” and leaned over.
The kiss was quick, and it was dark enough so the neighbors didn’t see, but
Adam moaned softly when Tommy pulled back. Tommy smiled at him. “Let’s go
inside.” He grabbed his backpack and they went in.
Leila was still there, but the formality of before was gone, and Tommy and Adam
were left in the living room with a pizza and some more Cokes. They randomly
channel-surfed and Tommy ate the pizza, feeling a little bad when he caught
Adam watching. “Hey, you can eat some, it’s okay.” He wanted to say It’s just
me, but he didn’t know if that was better or worse for Adam.
Adam shook his head. “No, I ate a little at dinner.” That was a total fucking
lie, Tommy saw Adam pushing food around on his plate, but he didn’t say
anything. They wound up finding “Cabaret” on TV and Adam insisted they watch.
Tommy snuggled down into the blanket that he’d thrown over his shoulders and
watched it. He surprised himself by enjoying it-this was closer to his kind of
musical than “Annie Get Your Gun”. At any rate, the costumes were awesome.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” Adam asked as Tommy rested with his head on
Adam’s shoulder. “I have dance class and then opera.” Tommy shrugged, rubbing
his cheek against Adam’s shoulder.
“Well, I have to go and clean up Allen’s tomorrow, it’s been too long. Oh, I
told you I’m living at Lisa’s for right now? Yeah. But anyway, do that, and
maybe some other stuff-“
“Yeah, you called Lisa’s dad, are you really going to live there? I mean,
that’s okay right? Are you still sick, is that why?” Adam didn’t look anything
other than genuinely concerned, so Tommy just nodded.
“It might come back. And…I don’t really want to leave. I’ve been living alone a
long time.” Tommy scratched through his hair. “But now I have to get used to
calling to say I’ll be somewhere else, and having someone fix me food instead
of doing it myself. But it’s nice.”
Adam didn’t move or say anything for a while, then he looked down, hand rubbing
over the blanket. “I didn’t know it had been a long time. Um. So, cleaning up
Allen’s?” Tommy nodded. “I can come over and help after three.”
“You can come over, yeah.” Tommy grinned, remembering what had happened
yesterday. Adam laughed and pushed at him playfully, and Tommy pushed back,
until they were on their sides, tickling and gasping. They were both getting
little gropes out of it, but mostly they kept it at grappling. Finally, Adam
had Tommy pinned on his back, hands held over his head. Tommy was still
laughing when he saw Adam’s eyes go dark and he felt Adam’s hard cock against
his leg. Tommy swallowed and looked up at Adam, laughter caught in his throat.
Adam tightened his hands on Tommy’s wrists. “Oh fuck,” Tommy whispered,
nodding. Yes, he thought. Go ahead.
“Um, boys.” Adam froze for a second, then moved off Tommy like he was burned.
Leila was standing in the doorway, looking very fucking uncomfortable. “I think
you should go to bed, Adam. You have dance classes all morning.” Adam blushed
bright red, and got up, grabbing the blanket to wrap around himself and try to
cover his hard-on. Leila didn’t say anything to Adam, just let him go upstairs.
She watched Tommy for a second, then turned to leave.
“Hey,” Tommy said, making her turn back around. “Is there a guest room or am I
on the couch? Or do you want me to leave?” He made sure he looked at her-he
wasn’t going to back down if she wanted him gone.
“Oh,” she said. “No, no. You don’t have to go.” She took a deep breath and then
turned away again. “The couch folds out, I’ll get the sheets and pillows.”
Tommy nodded, even though she was already gone, and started working on the
couch. He had it ready by the time she got back. “I’m sorry, all we had was
Neil’s old Superman sheets, before he got too big for them…” she trailed off,
still a little shaken.
“It’s okay. I like Superman.” Tommy looked at her, smiling gently. Leila broke
out one laugh, covering her mouth, and then started fussing with the sheets.
“Hey, it’s okay. I got it.” He was being very quiet and patient, since she
didn’t seem actually mad. That right fucking there put her ahead of most
parents. Leila looked at him, surprised, then handed him the sheets and sat
down. Tommy put the sheets and blanket on the bed while she sat there, staring
into space.
Just when he figured she had forgotten about him she said, “I guess I forgot he
was growing up.” Tommy stilled and looked over at her, but she wasn’t looking
at him. “I know what happened with Brad, and that was-I love Brad. I don’t know
how to explain it. Maybe if you have kids, you’ll know.” Tommy took note of the
“if”, and nodded. “I’m sorry.” Tommy shrugged.
“You’re the first parent who found out I was dating their kid who didn’t want
to kill me, so it’s fine.” She looked up at him and he shrugged again. “We
actually-that was kind of an accident.”
Leila smiled, looking nervous. “That’s what Adam said when he saw me upstairs.
Okay, you get some rest, it’s been a long day for you. Aren’t you tired?”
“Yeah I am. It’s been a long fucking day,” Leila just patted his shoulder. “I’m
still getting better too. Okay.” Tommy sat on the bed, and started taking his
boots off. “Thanks for letting me stay over. You didn’t have to.” Leila just
smiled at him and then left. Tommy unlaced his boots, wishing that Adam was
there to help, and that just fucking reminded him that Adam was upstairs, not
far. Tommy pushed that idea away-he had to sleep. He curled his knees toward
his chest and passed out.
When Tommy woke up again, it was still dark, it wasn’t daytime, and there was
light and movement coming from the kitchen. He rubbed his eyes and sat halfway
up-what the fuck was going on? He got up, carefully, trying not to knock into
the coffee table and made his way through the dining room with the table that
could seat eight, through to the kitchen.
Tommy stood in the doorway and felt a kind of numbness spread through him. Adam
was there, back to the door at the breakfast nook and there was a gallon of ice
cream next to him. There were two boxes of cookies and some leftover casserole
from dinner and god only fucking knew what else. Adam was hunched over, spoon
in the ice cream , alternating big scoops of it with whatever else he could
get. Tommy nearly left the room before Adam saw him. He flashed back to the
time that he walked in on a friend shooting up. This wasn’t nearly as bad, but
it had the same taboo feeling, and the same feeling of shame coming off Adam in
waves.
But Tommy couldn’t leave Adam like that, he knew how miserable it made him. So
he took another step. “Adam? It’s me.”
Adam turned around, and he looked so frightened that Tommy almost left right
then. It twisted something inside him to see Adam scared because of something
he’d done. “Tommy, go back to bed, I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to see me-“
“Hey.” Tommy said, trying to figure out what to do. “Hey, it’s okay.” Tommy
came a little closer and Adam’s head went down. “Don’t worry.” Tommy didn’t
know what the hell he was doing until he had crossed the kitchen, gone through
the drawers. And come back with a spoon. “It’s okay, I’ll sit with you.” Tommy
sat next to Adam, and got a scoop of the ice cream. “Your mom gets the good
stuff.”
Adam stared at Tommy for a minute, eyes wet. Then he nodded, “Yeah, she does.”
He let Tommy take another spoonful, let Tommy sit closer until he had an arm
around Adam. Tommy took bites of the ice cream and Adam sat there. Tommy could
feel the tension leaving his back the longer Tommy was there. After a minute,
Adam whispered “I’m not hungry anymore.” Tommy pushed the ice cream away.
“Are you okay? Are you going to puke?” Adam shook his head and Tommy pulled him
into a hug. “It’s all right, Adam, you’re okay. I’ve seen worse.” He could feel
Adam in his arms, holding on and trying to hold back little shudders as he
cried.
“I can’t believe we’re worrying about me when you’re trying to stop drinking,”
Adam whispered, and Tommy just kissed Adam’s temple. It didn’t fucking matter,
that people thought his was worse.
“Doesn’t fucking matter”, Tommy said. “We look out for each other, right?” He
leaned back then and kissed Adam softly. Adam opened up to it, and Tommy tasted
chocolate ice cream on Adam’s tongue. They kissed for a few minutes, and then
Adam curled over and laid his head on Tommy’s shoulder. Tommy tightened his
arms around his boyfriend. Huh, boyfriend. Tommy smiled a little and kissed
Adam’s neck right over the pulse.
“You can go to bed if you want, baby” he whispered. “I’ll clean this up. Just
get some sleep.” Adam nodded against his shoulder, then moved his head until
they were kissing again. Adam pulled away after a minute and stroked the back
of Tommy’s neck.
“I didn’t ask, how did you do today? I mean, because you’re not drinking.” Adam
looked so concerned and sweet, and Tommy knew he’d be okay for the rest of the
night. He wouldn’t come back to the kitchen, he had already stopped thinking
about it.
Tommy smiled a little, one side of his face quirking up. “The first half
sucked. I started feeling better after school. Thank you.” Tommy leaned in for
another kiss, short and soft, then pulled back. “Go to bed.” Adam smiled at
him, and stood up.
“Goodnight. Baby,” Adam grinned at that and Tommy made a face. “No seriously
though,” Adam said. “Goodnight.” Adam looked like he was going to say something
else, but he turned and soon Tommy heard him going back upstairs. Tommy started
putting up the ice cream and cookies. The whole time, he wondered what Adam had
almost said.
He kept wondering after he finished with the kitchen and was back on the couch,
trying to sleep.
***** Chapter Twelve *****
Chapter Summary
     Tommy goes to get some help.
Tommy got about three more hours of sleep before noise in the kitchen woke him
up again. He though Fuck, no before he opened his eyes and saw that it was
morning. Leila was in the kitchen, talking on the phone and had coffee brewing.
Tommy got up, pulled his jeans back on and headed for the kitchen.
Adam was already in there, wearing sweats and with what were probably his dance
clothes in a backpack. He was leaning against the kitchen counter with a cup of
coffee. When he saw Tommy, he smiled softly at him and then poured him a cup.
“Thank you,” Tommy whispered, and Adam nodded. Tommy looked at Adam-he looked
tired and a little withdrawn, but not too bad. He drank his coffee black, and
poured himself another one before Tommy finished his. Great, now Tommy was
studying everything Adam did. They stood close to each other, but didn’t touch
in front of Adam’s mom.
Leila got off the phone after a minute. “Morning boys, Adam’s driving himself
to the dance studio, I have to show a house in a little bit. Adam can take you
home-I mean, to your friend’s if you want. We have to go soon, though.”
Tommy shrugged. “I can take a shower at Lisa’s, it’s early anyway. No problem.”
Tommy finished his coffee. “I just have to get my boots on.” He went into the
living room and put them on slowly. He was still pretty tired. As soon as he
stood up Adam was there with his car keys in hand. Tommy grabbed his backpack
and they left, Adam calling goodbye over his shoulder.
They drove towards Lisa’s house, the car radio turned to the dance station.
Tommy did his fucking best not to make a face. He was so distracted that it
took him a minute to realize that Adam still wasn’t talking. “Adam?” Tommy
swallowed. “Are we okay?”
Adam stopped at a red light, and turned to Tommy. “Thank you. For last night. I
just-thank you. You didn’t laugh at me or tell me to get over it. I’ve been
afraid to talk about it, because of that.” Adam’s voice was quiet, and Tommy
reached over and held Adam’s hand.
“Don’t worry.” Tommy wanted to ask Adam a lot of questions, ask him what he
needed to do to help, but he didn’t even know if Adam wanted it. So he just
rubbed over Adam’s thumb. “Like I said, we’ll look out for each other, okay?”
The light turned green and they started moving again. Tommy had to let go of
Adam’s hand.
Adam nodded. “Okay. I’ll remember that.” Adam took a long breath. “I’m glad.
I’ll try to call you, although I probably won’t be able to get to the phone at
two am. But if I’m having a bad day? I’ll tell you. And you talk to me. I mean,
if you want to.”
“I will”, Tommy said as they pulled up in front of Lisa’s house. There were too
many kids playing on the front lawns for Tommy to kiss Adam so he just smiled.
“Don’t forget, I’ll be at Allen’s after three. Come by if you can.”
“Okay. I might be late getting out of lessons, but I’ll try. See you later.”
Tommy got his backpack and got out of the car, waving. Adam watched him go up
the porch stairs, then put the car in reverse. Tommy knocked on the door of
Lisa’s house-he still didn’t have a key. Paul let him in.
 
Tommy put his backpack on the floor in the foyer and sat down in the kitchen
for a minute. “I’m really tired. I might go take a nap soon.” Paul nodded. “And
I’m going to Allen’s later to clean it up, and I need to get some of my
clothes.” Tommy hesitated for a minute. “Is it okay if I bring my guitars?”
Paul looked up from his breakfast at that. “Of course it is. You didn’t have to
ask-I want you to bring your guitars, your arm’s better. I want us to play.”
Paul shook his head, as if willing Tommy to get it. “ When I said you could
stay, I meant it. Tommy, you can bring anything you want and do whatever you
want to that room as long as you’re staying here. Paint the walls black, I
don’t care.”
Tommy ducked his head. “I’m being an idiot, I’m sorry. Okay, I’ll get Lisa to
bring me over there later and help me get my stuff. And I need to do some other
stuff-“
“I can take you to your house, if you like.” Paul said, keeping eye contact
with him. “I can help you get your stuff out. You never let Lisa inside, have
you?” Tommy shook his head.
“No. Lisa’s just dropped me off. Okay, that’s fine.” Tommy rubbed a hand
through his hair. “I’m really tired. And I need a shower.” Tommy turned halfway
around, then looked over at Paul. “Thanks for letting me stay here.”
“You don’t have to thank us,” Paul smiled at him. “Go get some sleep.” Paul
turned back to his copy of Mother Jones and his pancakes. Tommy rubbed at his
eyes, then left. Paul hadn’t offered him breakfast. Maybe he assumed that Tommy
had already eaten. Or maybe he just looked like shit. Tommy was wondering if he
was getting too used to being here already.
He napped in his clothes, only taking his boots off, then got up and showered
after an hour or so. He put some of his clothes in the laundry pile, leaving
him one ratty t-shirt and a pair of thin jeans. He put his boots and jacket on,
and figured he looked okay. He looked at his hair-his roots were growing in. It
was time for a touch up. Whatever, maybe next week. He came out of the guest
room about the same time Lisa stumbled out of hers. “Hey sweetie.”
“Hey yourself, where are you going?” Lisa rubbed her eyes. She was wearing a
skirt that was a little faded and another old t-shirt. “You need a ride?”
“Only if you’re going somewhere, I need a ride to Morgan.” Lisa raised an
eyebrow, but she just nodded. “I won’t be there long, I just want to check some
things out.”
“I can take you, it’s not far from LP’s. I’m going over there for a while. Hey,
you haven’t been back to the Points since the riot. They’re cleaning it up, you
should come.” Tommy shrugged. “Well, whenever. You’ve got other stuff to do?”
“I think so. And dude, get some breakfast and put on some real clothes-you look
like shit.” Lisa shoved him as he started laughing.
Forty-five minutes later, Tommy and Lisa were driving down to Morgan. Paul had
packed Tommy a lunch and reminded him not to overdo it today. Tommy had
promised and said he’d try to pace himself, but he was getting so fucking sick
of being an invalid. And, he really had to do this.
Lisa pulled up on Morgan Street. “You ready for this?” Tommy looked at the
small street. It had two gay bars, a gay and lesbian bookstore, an AIDS
outreach building, and his target: the Harvey Milk Gay Center. Tommy looked
over at Lisa and his lip quirked up on one side.
“I might as well do it now.” He kissed her cheek. “I’ll call your dad for a
ride later, you’ve got the rest of the day off, sweetie.” Lisa flipped him off
and he got out of the car, hands shoved in his jacket pockets.
He got a couple of catcalls from older men outside the bars as he went the one
block towards the gay center, but nobody tried to fuck with him. He was worried
about more skinheads-he really wasn’t in the mood to fight anyone today. He
made it to the Gay Center’s door and let himself in. It was an old building,
pretty small upstairs, but with a lower level. It was dingy and there were
flyers for different groups and events everywhere. A short, husky man with a
beard was at the desk, and he looked annoyed when Tommy came in. “Look kid, if
you’re here to start any trouble, I can kick you out in a second. We don’t need
any more of that shit.”
Tommy would have been insulted if he hadn’t seen the skinhead melee himself. “I
don’t want any more either. I’m not here for that. Um.” Tommy felt his courage
fail him and his cheeks heat. “I’m looking for information. Safe sex
and…instructional, if you have it. And, is there a counselor I can make
appointments with?” Tommy took a deep breath and looked back up at the man, who
suddenly seemed more sympathetic. He pulled out a bunch of pamphlets, a small
book, and-holy fuck-a whole bunch of condoms and lube samples in a bag. Then he
grabbed a clipboard.
“Cassidy is our counselor, especially with young men. What time’s good for
you?” Tommy blinked for a second, then stammered out the days he thought he
could make it. The guy at the counter wrote those down. “I’m glad you came in,
a lot of people your age aren’t trying to be careful at all.” Tommy was
thinking Tell me about it when a man younger than the counter guy and older
than him came up. He was brown haired and really cute, built and with cool
hair-he looked like a goth. Shit, I could actually talk to this guy, Tommy
thought.“Hey, this is Cassidy right here. This young man’s trying to get an
appointment-Tommy?” Tommy nodded and Cassidy gave him a sweet smile.
“Hey. I don’t have anything scheduled for the next twenty minutes, and I was
just gonna get some coffee, so if you want to we can just talk? Like an intake,
get to know each other.” Tommy stuffed the things he’d gotten into his backpack
and waved at the counter guy. “Yeah, come on, office is this way.” Cassidy led
Tommy downstairs and down a hall into a tiny room with thrift store furniture
and a battered filing cabinet. “Sorry, looks like shit. Want some coffee?”
“Always, and lots of sugar,” Tommy said, smiling a little. “I’m glad I came in,
it wasn’t as bad as I thought.” Cassidy laughed and handed him a styrofoam cup
of coffee and a handful of sugars.
“I’m glad you came in too. It’s not easy, for someone your age to just walk in.
Did you circle the block a couple of times?” Tommy shook his head, sipping his
coffee. “Okay, just tell me briefly the kind of things you want to talk about.”
Tommy tried to sum up the last month as well as he could-the fights, the
drinking, the meaningless sex. Then getting sick, meeting someone he liked a
lot, and trying to quit drinking. He didn’t mention Adam’s eating binges-not
yet. It wasn’t his to tell. He also said he was living at a friend’s house “but
not because I’m gay-I’m not even sure if I’m completely gay, anyway. My
parents…they haven’t been around for a while.”
Cassidy sat there a minute, absorbing all of this. “That’s a lot for a person
to go through,” he said, choosing his words carefully. “How are you feeling
right now?” Tommy slid down a little in his chair and thought about it.
“I’m still craving a little,” he started. “I’m worried that I won’t be at my
friend’s house for a long time, although they told me I was welcome as long as
I liked.” He scratched at the ugly fabric on the arms of the chair he was
sitting in. “I don’t believe most people when they say they care about me. But
when I’m with my boyfriend-oh god, I said it out loud.” Tommy felt a grin slide
over his face and saw Cassidy grin back. “When I’m with him, things seem a lot
better. Even when I was really sick, just seeing him helped.”
Cassidy leaned forward a little. “You said you slept with both girls and boys.
Is he your first serious boyfriend?” Tommy thought about it for a second.
“Yeah, he is. I was trying to think if any of my girlfriends were ever serious.
I think I cared about maybe one of them. So yeah, that makes him different.”
Tommy looked up, holding Cassidy’s eyes.
“That makes him special.”
“It makes me worry,” Tommy said suddenly. “He’s been in the closet, he was a
virgin before we started up, he’s shy, we can’t be out at school-fuck.” Tommy
slumped forward a little. “He’s a great guy. And he has no idea. How fantastic
he is.”
Cassidy was quiet for a minute. Then he said “Now, I have to ask this, so you
can tell me to fuck off if you want.” Tommy smiled at hearing a counselor say
‘fuck’. “But have you been having safe sex with him?” Tommy leaned forward,
dying to get these questions answered.
“See, I wanted to ask someone if what we were doing was safe or not. Basically
it’s been blowjobs, and not coming in each other’s mouths. And handjobs, that’s
it really.” Tommy was quiet for a minute. “I don’t want to-I tried being
careful, but a lot of girls don’t give a shit about condoms. They figure
they’re on the Pill.” Cassidy nodded, and Tommy kept going. “And I never
swallowed when I was giving blowjobs before. So, I don’t know. Are we okay?”
“I think you are. There hasn’t been enough studies about pre-come causing AIDS,
so I can’t say for sure. You could use condoms during blowjobs to be extra
careful, although hardly anyone I know does.” Tommy could totally understand
that shit, who wanted to suck latex? “But if you’re planning to go further,
you’ll have to use condoms and we can get you some latex gloves, for
fingering.” As soon as Cassidy said that, Tommy blushed a little. “Oh,
something that interests you?” Tommy laughed and nodded. “I’m really sorry I
can’t tell you more, but that’s what we’ve got right now. Um, you said you were
sick-do you think-“
“No! No, I don’t think so,” Tommy said, slightly panicked at the thought. “I
got an infection of the skin from cutting my hand open. I’m an idiot, okay? I
didn’t like, get sudden sores on my body.” Tommy couldn’t hide how nervous that
line of questioning made him. He was telling the truth, but just the idea that
he could make someone else sick-oh fucking god. Nobody deserved that. “Can I
ask you one more thing?” Cassidy nodded.
“Are there any meetings for trying to stop drinking that aren’t AA? Because I
don’t want to go to a group that has a religious bias. I’m an atheist, I want
to keep it that way.” Cassidy shook his head, and Tommy sighed. “It was worth a
shot.”
“I don’t want to nag you, but I will encourage you to give AA a chance.”
Cassidy said, handing him a list of meeting times for various support groups.
“We have meetings here that are all gay, lesbian and bisexual. So you wouldn’t
feel excluded on that front, at least.” Cassidy looked at his watch. “Okay, I
have to go, I have an appointment. Go back to the front and Jack will set you
an appointment you can make, okay?” Tommy stood up as Cassidy held his hand
out. “It was good to meet you.”
Tommy squeezed Cassidy’s hand. “Thanks. I’ll see you.” Tommy went back toward
the front, and made an appointment for next Tuesday after school. Then he sat
down for a minute at one of the ratty old tables in the corner, and looked at
the list of meetings and groups. AA, PFLAG, AIDS support…Overeaters Anonymous?
He had never even heard of that.
He put the meetings list in his backpack, but not before circling both the AA
and OA dates and times.
After that, he went into the gay bookstore and browsed around, making a show of
putting his backpack behind the counter when the woman watching the store that
day frowned at him. He thought most of the books were pretty lame-very New
Agey, but he did get what looked like a good book of essays. When he came up to
pay for it the counter lesbian looked at him in surprise, and he thought Yeah
bitch, I can actually read as he paid for his book. He got his backpack, stuck
the book in, and wandered toward the Points.
It was only about a half-mile away from Morgan, but it was like a different
world. Not only that, but it was a different world to him than the one he’d
been at a week ago. There were windows that still had boards over them,
although the glass had been cleaned up. There were kids around, but not as
many, and the whole place seemed like it was half-asleep.
Everywhere, every step he took, he could smell booze and pot. It seemed like
everyone was drinking, and the cravings he had mostly suppressed all day
started coming back hard. He actually started trembling a little bit, fuck.
Monte. He needed to see Monte. He would hook him up with a lot of fuckin’
coffee and it would take the edge off.
Tommy kept walking in the direction of Revolution Records, seeing kids he’d
known casually and catching snatches of conversations. “Yeah man, both the
Replacements and Husker Du are on majors now. Total fuckin’ sell out…” “Heard
that those skinheads got the fuck beaten out of them, and their idiot leader
got arrested…” “Hey, maybe Tommy can get us some whiskey.” Tommy froze when he
heard that one, and turned around to face Colin. “Hey fucker, what’s up?”
Tommy had to look at him for a minute, suddenly not knowing what to say. “What
do you want, Colin?” he said, and it sounded harsher than it should have. Colin
took a step back, and Tommy realized that Colin was actually afraid of him. He
got into a lot of fights, he knew that, but he wasn’t going to hit Colin for no
reason.
“Man, what the fuck’s gotten into you? Look, we just want you to get us some
whiskey, okay? We’re too young and you can get in there. It won’t take a
minute. And we’ve got some money, we can pay you for at least half of it, the
rest could be yours. No big deal, right?”
Hell fucking yes it is a big fucking deal, Tommy wanted to say. Colin was
looking at him like he was his hero, and wanted him to buy him booze. And of
course, leave some for Tommy for going to the trouble to get it. Tommy took two
steps back, he had to get out of there, fuck. Monte’s store, now.
He took another step back without looking and ran into someone who yelled “You
fucker!” and spun him around. Mallisa, of course, just what he needed. “I got
caught and now I’m in alternative school because of you!” He barely had time to
get his arms up to defend himself when she punched him in the nose. It
connected, but just hard enough to make it really bleed, not enough to break.
“I heard you were sick, and I hope it hurt! Fuck you! Fuck you!” From the
corner he could hear all of Colin’s little fuckhead friends laugh.
Tommy just stood there, not wanting to hit her back, and wondering why he had
ever called her his girlfriend. They didn’t even like each other. He knew what
he should be doing, he should be cussing her out and shoving her so he looked
cool to everyone else. But he couldn’t. He had to go, right then.
He left Colin and Mallisa on the sidewalk, one yelling in anger, and one in
confusion.
When he reached Revolution Records, the blood had dripped halfway down his
shirt and he was tired again. He used to walk miles to get places, no problem,
but being sick had probably taken it out of him. “Monte,” he croaked out, and
Monte appeared from behind the record bins, eyes widening when he saw the
blood. “I need an ice pack or something.” Monte scrambled up to him, yelled at
a sullen looking kid Tommy didn’t know to watch the front, and grabbed Tommy’s
arm. In a minute, he was sitting in the back office with a wet paper towel and
Monte fixing him a cup of coffee he couldn’t drink right then.
“Tommy, what happened? I haven’t seen you since the invasion, you just
disappeared and now you’re coming in here bleeding-hey.” Tommy was gripping the
side of Monte’s desk hard, shaking. “Hey, Tommy. It’s okay, man.” Monte put a
hand on Tommy’s shoulder and Tommy didn’t flinch him off.
Tommy shook his head. “I don’t belong here anymore. I can’t handle it-last
week, it’s like the Points was my home, and now…” Tommy pressed the paper towel
to his mouth, trying to get the blood to stop. “I’m freaking out.” Monte got
him another tissue and pulled a chair up next to him. “Hey dude, how did you
deal with it? Changing?”
Monte just grabbed his own coffee cup and looked at Tommy, thinking about it
for a second. “I didn’t have a lot of say in the matter-getting older makes you
change one way or the other. So I had to decide if I was going to be one of
those people who still go on tour and follow the Dead every year, or if I was
going to start listening to current music. But if I’d kept being a Deadhead, it
still wouldn’t have been the same as back then. I’m not that person.” He looked
Tommy straight in the eyes as he talked. “I could see it last week, you know.
That you were changing. You just didn’t know it yet.”
Tommy nodded a little. “It’s wearing me out.” Monte patted his shoulder again.
“It always does. You can hide back here as long as you want, I’m gonna get you
an icepack.” Monte left and came back in a minute with a real cloth towel and
some ice. Tommy iced his nose for a while, eyes closed. After the swelling went
down some, he wandered to the bathroom in the back office and looked at it-it
didn’t seem broken. He’d have to get that checked out too, but later. He just
couldn’t deal with it right now. He found Monte’s office phone and called.
“Hey Paul? You gotta get me out of here.”
Twenty minutes later, Tommy was in Paul’s car with a fresh icepack. Paul didn’t
say anything as Tommy told him the story, slowly, and also that he’d been to
the gay center and had an appointment with a counselor. “I just shouldn’t have
gone to the Points. I can’t handle it right now.”
Paul sighed. “Do you think your nose is broken?” Tommy shook his head. “Do you
still want to head by your house and get your stuff?” Tommy nodded again, and
they drove up to Tommy’s house. Paul didn’t have to ask to know where it was.
“Well, all right then. I’ll go in with you and we’ll get whatever you want.
Unless you want me to stay outside.”
“No, come in with me and help me get my clothes,” Tommy said, voice hushed.
They got out of the car and Tommy had to look to find his house key. When he
did, they went inside and Tommy showed Paul where his room was. In twenty
minutes, they had most of Tommy’s clothes, all his guitars, and some of his
favorite records packed in the car. Paul offered to take the stereo too, but
Tommy said he would just use Lisa’s.
Back in the car, Tommy looked at his nose again. Not broken, but not cute
either-it was pretty disgusting, actually, with dried blood everywhere. “I’m
tired.” Paul looked over at him again.
“I know you are. I know these last few weeks have been hard on you. I can just
take you home, you know. You can put off Allen’s another day or go later.”
Tommy bit at his cuticle, not knowing how to say it. So he just sighed and told
the truth.
“I’m meeting Adam there, when he gets done for the day.” Paul raised an eyebrow
but didn’t say anything. “I don’t know how long it will be, probably not long.
He’ll have to get home before too long. But his dad and little brother are out
for the weekend, and I think he wants us to have some time. His mom knows now.”
Tommy fidgeted with his jeans, and then said “It’s okay, you know. Me and him.”
Paul looked over at him. “You know, it’s a lot on you right now, and this is
pretty intense, what you’ve got going with Adam.” Tommy stared out of the
window. “I mean, is it too much? I’m not trying to pry, I just want to know how
it’s affecting you.”
Tommy didn’t answer for a long time, looking out the window. Just when it
seemed Paul was about to apologize or some shit, Tommy said quietly. “It’s
good, you know? I know that’s not much of an answer, but it’s good.” Tommy
sighed. “He’s just-when it’s the two of us, it’s like I can relax.” Tommy
slouched down. “I’m not explaining it too good.”
“No. No, you’re doing fine,” Paul said as they drove up to Allen’s apartment
building. “Is Adam going to take you back to our place?” He didn’t even ask if
Tommy was spending the night there, Tommy noticed. Tommy had to smile a little
at that, even though it hurt his nose.
“If he isn’t, I’ll call you. Thanks Paul.” Tommy grabbed his backpack and his
extra shirt. “I’ll see you tonight.” Paul smiled then, and Tommy had to wonder
why Paul wasted affection and caring on him. He didn’t do anything to deserve
it. He let himself into Allen’s as Paul drove away.
Tommy took a shower first thing, leaving his shirt soaking in the sink. The
blood had soaked onto his chest a bit. He used a lot of the Dr. Bronner’s
hippie liquid soap Allen kept around, then dried off with a thin towel. He
wound up in his jeans and the shirt, barefoot and no underwear. He wouldn’t
need it anyway, probably.
It wasn’t three yet. He had an hour or so-goddamn he’d gotten to an early start
today. He did what he said he was going to do, cleaned the apartment and fed
the animals. He made himself not think about anything as he cleaned, not about
the pain in his nose, the confession to Paul about Adam, how much he still
wanted to drink and how accepting the gay center had been in contrast to the
Points. Really, it was better not to think about anything but the scrape of the
steel wool against the stove. It was much easier to deal with.
When he was done with that, he stripped the mattress of its sheets, then put
them in a wicker tub for laundry. He was too tired to go take it then, so he
just flopped on the bare mattress, boots dangling off, and rested a little.
Fuck, he needed that.
He wasn’t sure how long it was, but soon he heard a tentative knock on the
door. Tommy rolled over and smiled a little, thinking about last week when Adam
had visited him here. He got up, stretching, and opened the door. “Hey.”
“Hey-oh my god, what happened, your nose is swollen, you look really tired.
Tommy, are you okay?” Tommy already had a hand on Adam’s arm and was trying to
pull him in.
“I’m fine now. Come in and kiss me.”
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