Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5003953.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/F, F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Mikasa_Ackerman/Annie_Leonhart, Krista_Lenz_|_Historia_Reiss/Ymir, Reiner
      Braun/Bertolt_Hoover, Levi/Eren_Yeager, Sasha_Blouse/Connie_Springer
  Character:
      Mikasa_Ackerman, Annie_Leonhart, Reiner_Braun, Bertolt_Hoover, Ymir_
      (Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Hange_Zoë, Krista_Lenz_|
      Historia_Reiss, Connie_Springer, Sasha_Blouse, Eren_Yeager, Armin_Arlert,
      Marco_Bott, Jean_Kirstein, Mina_Carolina, Annie_Leonhart's_Father
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Depression, Bullying, Homophobic
      Language, Slight_Anxiety, Anxiety_Attacks, Childhood_Sexual_Abuse, Grisha
      was_an_ass, Grisha_Yeager's_Bad_Parenting, Sexual_Abuse, Implied_Sexual
      Content, Angst_and_Hurt/Comfort, Suicide_Attempt, Suicidal_Thoughts,
      Angst_with_a_Happy_Ending, Eventual_Smut, Secret_Relationship, Fake/
      Pretend_Relationship, Swearing, Romance, Character's_Name_Spelled_as
      Hanji, Character's_Name_Spelled_as_Leonhardt, Self-Harm
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-10-15 Completed: 2018-03-05 Chapters: 11/11 Words: 26157
****** Was it all Pretend? ******
by Titan_bitch
Summary
     Mikasa's life at school has been hell since a rumour went around
     about her. Now its a new term and the harassment is still going on.
     But for some reason this time the cold Annie Leonhardt is sticking up
     for her. But why? What could she possibly have to gain from this
     sudden act of kindness?
Notes
     i may accidentally change the tense of the story here and there so
     I'm sorry if that happens.
***** Sharpie *****
Mikasa's POV
Holidays were now over meaning I had to go back to school, middle school for me
was average not that many people actually bothered me but high school was a
completely different ball game. It's like the reason some people exist is to
make your life a living hell, and then there are those who don't even have to
do anything directly to you and still manage to be bitches.
I lay in bed dreading having to go back to school, no one really understood why
I hated school they all saw me a a tough person that doesn't let anything get
to her. But to be completely honest that was the opposite of what I was, yes I
was strong and I didn't let it seem like what people said effect me. But it
did, more than it should at least. I take a deep breath and throw the blankets
off me, if I didn't wake Eren up he'd never get up. Eren and I live with his
father, but most of the time he is either working or sleeping. So we depend on
each other to do stuff around the house, and when I say we depend on each other
I pretty much me completely depends on me to do everything for him.
Seriously wouldn't surprise me if one day he decided he wanted me to dress him,
I mean I do everything else for him around the house. He wouldn't even know
what a clothes washer or a dish washer was if they were right in front of him,
let alone be able to tell the two apart. When I was finally out of bed I walked
down the hall slamming Eren's door open startling him awake.
"Mikasa what the fuck?!" He yelled, I scoffed at him and rolled my eyes.
"If I catch you asleep again I'll throw ice water on you" I said before
shutting his door behind me, he usually gets shitty if I leave his door open,
probably because he sneaks in an extra five minute of sleep behind my back. I
went back into my room and got dressed not really caring what I put on, then
slipped my black converses on. Eren was probably going to take forever to get
ready like usual, so I decided I had time to put makeup on.
But when I looked in the mirror it was only a minor improvement to what I
consider myself a plain canvas. Why do I compare myself to a blank canvas?
Simple it's because that's what everyone at school considers me as. Nothing to
look at. Nothing interesting, just boring me. Sighing I knocked on Eren's door
and he answered it straight away, he was swinging his car keys around on him
finger "You ready?" He asked, I wanted to say no. I wanted to stay at home and
not go back, last term was hell enough.
I put on a fake smile and nod, he smiled back at me sadly he knew why I didn't
want to go back. How could he not, everyone would ask him if the rumors would
true and he'd beat people up for talking bad about me, or when he heard
people's start up a new rumor. He had my back at school, that was slightly a
relief I guess. The rumor that went around about me was that I was a lesbian.
While it was true it didn't make it any easier to have it spread around the
school. I don't even know how it got around or who told who, Eren and Armin had
been supportive although Armin didn't use violence like Eren did he'd still go
off at people when they asked him about the rumors as well.
He said it was pathetic how people could be so cruel, to not worry about it. I
told them it wasn't bothering me but I know they could see past the mask I put
on. Eren pat me on the shoulder lightly before walking past me and out the
house to his car, I lock up the house then join him in his car, we usually take
turn in who drives but lately Eren's been driving more than I have.
He looked at me one last time before pulling out of the driveway, on out way we
pick Armin up like usual. It's not to far out of our way considering we have to
drive past his house to get to school anyways so we found this to be far more
convenient. We pull at Armin's place and Eren turned to me,
"Are you sure your okay?" It was obvious he was worried, he didn't have any
classes with me today so he couldn't really stick up for me if something
happened. He had to learn he can't protect me from everyone forever.
Armin finally left his house and opened the car door, jumping in and closing it
behind him. I sighed putting my earphones in and closed my eyes, the song Go to
Hell for Heavens Sake by Bring me the Horizon playing. I'd recently feel in
love with songs with screaming in them. Most of them I could relate to,
probably why they were so likable to me.
When I opened my eyes again our car was parked in the school parking lot, some
other people were hanging out around their cars talking, and just my luck it
was the exact group that I wanted to avoid. The group consisted of Bertholdt,
Reiner, Ymir, Mina, Annie and a few other of their lackeys that were either
after Annie or just wanted to be considered 'popular'. Who would of thought the
world worked in a way that the most rude and stuck up people were considered
popular.
Bertholdt and Reiner could be nice but if anyone said shit about Annie they'd
snap, even Bertholdt depending on what was said, he's usually quiet but since
he has a crush on Annie he probably was trying to 'impress' her or something,
and Ymir was dating someone in my group, Christa. How on earth those two ended
up dating is beyond me. I stepped out of the car since Eren and Armin had
already gotten out and he probably wanted to lock the car. I looked up and fire
and ice collided, my eyes caught with Annie's and she was starring back at me.
Her face was uninterested like always, but her eyes almost made me want to
crawl back into the car and stay in there.
I saw one of the older students whisper into Annie's ear, making her smirk eyes
still locked with mine the whole time. I shook it off and walked past Eren and
Armin into the school.
As soon as I entered the door people looked straight at me, I felt as if my
blood have turned to ice. Some people started to whispered and others kept
starring. Taking a deep breath I walked down the hall and into the locker room,
when I walked to my looker a group of girls started laughing, and I realized
once I looked at my locker why they were laughing.
My locker was covered in words written in sharpie works such as, lesbo, freak,
dyke, whore, faggot. There was even a sentence which read 'die in hell fag', I
don't even understand why this was still happening, I would have thought that
everyone forgot. A locker next to mine was opened looking at who it was I see
Annie getting books out of her locker, that's right her lockers next to mine I
forgot about that.
Once she finished she looked over at my locker and scoffed lightly . I wasn't
sure if that was at me or what was written, and it slightly irritated me. As if
she'd know what it was like to be treated like shit everyday, everyone liked
her and wanted to be part of her group. She met my gaze quickly before turning
around and walking out the locker room, the group of girls in the door way
stopped laughing and moved out of her way.
The bell rings not a second later and I quickly get my books and leave the
locker room as quick as I can,
"Dyke" one of the girls yelled, making the rest of the group start laughing
again. I quickly retreat to my art class making my way to my usual spot at the
very back table, and sit down. Art was one of the only classes I looked forward
to, other than English and Sport. But lately it has been hell in sport.
We all have to change into our sports uniform in the girls sports locker rooms
which were separate from our normal lockers. But ever since the who lesbian
thing got around everyone whispers about me and ridicules me. They say things
loud enough to make sure I can hear them, things like 'I wonder if she looks'
and the list goes on and on.
A loud slam on my desk startles me bringing me out of my day dream, I look up
and see Sasha beaming down at me like always,
"Do you have to scare me to death when you want my attention?" I grunt looking
away from her,
"I couldn't get your attention any other way" she pouts down at me.
"Hey Sasha stay away from that freak, she might be contagious" A guy from
Annie's group called, Sasha looked over her shoulder to see who the guy was.
"Don't listen to him" she said to me with a sad expression.
"Your just jealous because she probably gets more chicks than you do" I looked
up and saw Annie sitting in one of the seats against the wall, she was leaning
against the wall and sketching in her art book.
"Burn!" Reiner called from his seat making half the class laugh and giggle at
the comment. The guy looked at Annie in a questioning manor then sat down
whispering 'what the hell?' To her, but she ignored him and kept sketching in
her book.
Why would she stick up for me? Annie Leonhardt, the one who laughed when her
friend Mina spread the fact she was gay around the whole school to start with,
was now all of a sudden sticking up for me. What is going on?
***** Lino *****
Chapter Notes
     Now this is a little different from what it originally was when i
     first wrote it, i changed it because i found i will have more to work
     with now. Hope you enjoy
Annie POV
Reiner was smirking like an idiot at my comment but I just ignored him, and
continued to sketch in my art book. Finally the teacher walked in and we got to
work, we were making stamps. It's not as boring as it sounds trust me, we were
given a thick piece of Lino where we had to carve into it using a v shaped
blade tool. Like always Reiner was the first one to cut himself on the carving
tool, he was exactly the same in industrial technology as well. He'd always
find a way to hit himself with the hammer or a chisel. I'm not sure if it's
just bad luck or pure clumsiness who knows.
I finally finished carving my design into the Lino, when Reiner leaned over,
"Are you sure you're going to go through with it? You don't have to do it just
because he told you to" I roll my eyes at him and ignore him, rolling the black
ink onto my stamp.
"I know I don't have to do it, I want to do it. It'll give me something to keep
myself entertained" What I was what I was planning on doing was horrible, but
my life has been so boring as of late that I need something to keep me amused,
besides it's not like I care how nasty it is anyways, if people are that
sensitive to let it get to them so be it.
If the rumours proved to be right then this take will prove to be a lot easier,
I finished rolling the black ink on my stamp and opened my art book pressing it
down hard on the paper, when I pulled the Lino away it was next to perfect no
ink was where it wasn't meant to be and all the detail was perfect.
The stamp I made was a day of the dead mask, it didn't have colour like they
were meant to have but it had all the right detail. Reiner whistled looking
over at my book again.
"Holy shit, that's actually really good. I thought you would of fucked up with
the small detail but that's great" He's making it sound like he expected it to
suck, God he was such a transparent idiot sometimes. I shove him lightly and he
laughs,
"I actually try, unlike some people who only chose art because they thought it
was an easy class" Reiner glared at me and went back to carving into his piece
of Lino, It was literally just lines and squiggles that he was doing. I smirk
at him, it was kinda funny, it's so like him to do something half assed in Art.
The bell rang and I quickly packed up my stuff and left the class with Reiner
tagging behind, all the other students started to pour out of class rooms and
into the halls now as well. I pull out my folded up time table out of my phone
case and check what class I had next. Sport. I shared my next class with both
Reiner and Bertholdt.
"When are you going to tell him?" I speak up looking over my shoulder at Reiner
who stared down at my with a confused look on his face.
"You can't keep it from him forever it's getting to painfully obvious" I could
hear him sigh behind me. Let me explain. Reiner has had a thing for our
childhood friend Bertholdt since middle school, but he never had the guts to
pipe up about it because up until later Bertholdt had a huge crush on me, but
he reassured me those feelings were gone now.
"He likes you Annie, I'm not even sure if he's gay or bi sexual even" for such
a big guy he always shied away from his feelings and what not. It was kinda
sad, that such a big guy was so afraid to tell his middle school crush how he
feels about him.
"I'll see you on the field" I call after Reiner as I walk into the girls sports
locker room, I was running a little late so most of the girls had already
changed and left. I started to take my shirt off when I heard a loud bang and
mocking laughter coming from the other row of lockers behind where mine was.
It sounded like those same girls in the locker room this morning, and of I
didn't know any better I'd say they were most likely degrading or beating her
up. I quickly slip on my sports shirt and round the corner to the other sets of
lockers, and there were the girls from this morning standing over, Mikasa who
was only in her panties and bra, and curling herself up against the locker in a
pathetic attempt to try and cover herself from the other girls.
Her lip was busted and she had several bruises scattered across the sides of
her stomach and rib cage. I couldn't tell if they were from the girls or from
someone else, I didn't really care that she was getting beaten up. For such a
strong girl it was kind of funny that she'd gotten beaten up, she had so much
strength and yet she never used it. She was a goodie to shoes, so it wouldn't
surprise me if she never fought back because she was afraid of getting kicked
out of school. Her and I are polar opposites, she's fire and I'm ice. We don't
mix. But if my plans going to work I'll have to find a way to win over her
trust, so I might as well start now.
Mikasa's POV
The fact that Annie stuck up for me in Art was still on my mind and I couldn't
seem to shake it off. Why would she stick up for me? It made no sense. She's
never been one to stick up for people, so why now all of a sudden and why me?
Trying not to think about it too much I start to take my shoes and place them
on one of the shelves in my locker with my sports clothes. I then slip off my
shirt and pants throwing them in my locker not bothering to fold them.
I was about to turn back around when my locker was slammed shut, I spun around
and stood face to face with the girls from the locker room this morning. The
head of the group, Ashley, was smiling widely at me, straight away I knew
nothing good was going to come from this. First the sharpie on my locker, now
this.
"I hope you liked the little present on your locker this morning" the sarcasm
very noticeable in her voice.
It only clicked in my head now that I was half naked, making me try to cover
myself the best I could. Ashley laughed again
"Aww. She's self conscious. That's adorable." I slid down my locker to the
ground and pulled my knees to my chest, hiding my face in my knees. The girls
erupted in laughter again, which made anger boil inside me.
"You're already in your sports clothes, so stop loitering and your asses out
side like they should be!" A new voice rang out, the group scoffed and left the
sound of footsteps slowly getting further and further away, until they were
gone completely. I look up half expecting our Sports teacher but instead Annie
stood in front of me starring at me.
"Did that put those bruises on you?" She asked holding out her hand the help me
up, I stared at her hand for a little while before shaking my head and
accepting the help.
"Some guys after Art" I confirmed, Annie just nodded and didn't say anything
else before turning around. Stepping forward I grab her wrist and stop her from
walking away.
"Why do you keep helping me?" She looks over shoulder at me before turning back
around "I have my reasons." I let go of her hand and she goes back around to
her locker on the other side of mine.
I quickly slip my clothes on and quickly run outside onto the football field.
The sports teacher was later herself so by the time she came Annie had came out
of the changing rooms as well and stood next to me. That itself was weird, just
her standing next to me. Usually she'd steer clear of me, then again she did
that with everyone who wasn't in her group. Her posture was awful she was
always slouching and put more weight on one particular side, when she walked it
was no different except she walked leaning forward slightly. She could be a
very cold and blunt person, I'm not sure if there's anything beneath that, but
from the looks of what happened today she must have some sort of feelings
hidden in there somewhere.
Not to long after Annie stood next to me Reiner and Bertholdt made there way
through the crowd go get to Annie. Not long after than Annie turned to Reiner,
"So have you told him yet?" Her eyebrow was raised, and her face looked
serious. It'd been nothing to think twice about when it came to how Reiner felt
about Bertholdt. Everyone could see it. Except Bertholdt. Either that or he's
noticed but just pushed it away thinking it was stupid. Reiner glared down at
Annie who raised both hands in surrender, turning back around.
"Told who what?" Bertholdt asked curiously, but Reiner just told him it was
nothing. Annie grunted and rolled her eyes, she'd probably been trying to urge
Reiner to tell him about his feelings for ages. They'd be cute for each other
after all, Reiner being an extrovert and Bertholdt being an introvert.
There aren't very many relationships where two people who are the same work out
all that well, except Sasha and Connie. They both have the same kind of
personalities as each other but work perfectly together. I guess there are some
exceptions to the rule. A sharp pain from the back of my thigh made me shriek
in pain quietly. Even so some people still turned around and gave me looks. I
looked to my side quick enough to see Annie pull away her hand and smirking.
She pinched me. What the hell was that for. I furrow my brows in confusion and
look away. Hot breath brushed over my neck making me shiver, it felt so nice,
"You're actually cute when you're in pain" Annie whispered in my ear, quiet
enough so no one else but me heard it. Heat rushed to my checks at the comment.
Making me pull away for her, a little startled by the comment. Annie the quiet
one was playing head games with me, she was like a freakin fox, a sly, cunning
little bitch. Luckily no one else saw me blushing, that was a relief. Otherwise
I probably would've gotten another gay comment. After another ten minute of
waiting our sports teacher Levi showed up, who funny enough was also my French
teacher... and my older blood brother, he was the only family I had left that
was blood related to me.
And ever since Carla died he's been coming over a lot to check on us since
Grisha is never really home, and when he is he is usually drunk. I think Levi’s
worried he might do something, i try to assure him everything's alright but i
know he can see past my lie, I just hope one day Levi is there when Grisha
abuses me. But on to a less depressing note I swear there's also something
going on with him and Eren, because when ever he comes over he checks on me the
spends like two hours in Eren’s room. Even with him around I still have to do
most of the house work, although he does check that everything's done and on
the odd occasion it's not done he’ll lend me a hand and help out.
"Ok brats, pair up. We're going to do stretching, and before you all start
bitching just be grateful that I don't make you all run laps all lesson." I
feel my wrist being tugged roughly and pulled away for everyone else, I look
over at who was pulling me away and I saw Annie. Reiner and Bertholdt following
us but spacing away from us a little. Almost everyone looks at me, well more
like glares at me. It was uncomfortable having so many eyes on me like that.
"Hey Annie, why are you being so nice to that man bodied freak" Ashley called
out. Fuck that's right she saw me before I put my clothes on. Shit.
"So you've seen her naked to know what her body looks like? Maybe you're the
one that's gay here Ashley if you go around intentionally looking at girls when
they are naked" Annie snapped, making Ashley shut up almost instantly, everyone
trying to hold back their laughter. Annie turned back around to face me and
started to lean in, for a second I thought she was going to kiss me, closing my
eyes I brace myself but instead she whispered into my ear,
"I've got you back darling" when she pulled away a weird feeling wandered into
my stomach, making me feel uncomfortable.
I shift on my feet trying to somehow get the feeling out of my stomach. I look
anywhere other than at Annie knowing already that she's probably smirking. What
I saw shocked me, Reiner was looking at me sadly, almost as if he pitied me.
But why? What was going on?
***** Letterman Jacket *****
Chapter Notes
     Sorry this took so long, I kinda didn't know what to write.
Annie’s POV
The school worked in a strange way, if you were popular and liked by a huge
amount of people no one cared who you liked. But if you were someone like
Mikasa then it's easy to say you are screwed in a high school like mine, lucky
for me no one's ever asked about my sexuality. Usually I wouldn’t care when
people got beat up unless they were in my friend group or dating my friends,
even though with my friend group i don’t need to worry at all.
Everyone learnt their lesson when someone decided to hit on Christa since she's
the nice and beautiful type, let's just say that guy needed to stay in hospital
for a while, so even when it came out the two were dating everyone stayed super
quiet about it, probably afraid to be hurt. As for Bertholdt he almost always
has Reiner with him, although Reiner is the friendly type that everyone likes
when he's mad it’s not pretty, so most people try to avoid pissing him off.
I look Mikasa up and down as she tied her hair up in a small pony tail with an
elastic she had around her wrist, her shirt tightening around her chest making
it easier to see the size of her bust, considering i wasn’t really paying
attention to her chest when she was half-naked in the locker room. She was big
for a fifteen year old she had that going for her at least, but the things that
stand out to me are the scar on her cheek and the bruises that were on her
body. It's plainly obvious that she was lying about them being recent, they
looked to old to have been done after art. Wait why should I even care? Not
like she's my problem, it’s not like I even like her all that much anyway, in
middle school she was so cold and use to beat people up if they so much as said
a rude word to her. So what happened, she's not the Mikasa Ackerman i use to
get into fights and arguments with she's more pathetic now than she use to be,
maybe the demon finally found she had a heart after all and started using it.
The rest of sport went by quickly considering we were only doing stretching,
Reiner made stupid jokes like he always did, Bertholdt even made some himself
which was kinda surprising. Through the whole lesson though Mikasa stayed
relatively quiet, it wasn’t all that strange but it was kinda weird for some
reason.
It didn’t take long to get dressed and escape the crowded sports locker room,
Bertholdt and Reiner were already changed and waiting outside in the hall for
me. Reiner somehow managed to let the fact that the female locker room would be
full of changing girls slip his mind and walked in to get me, a lot of things
were thrown at him like aerosol cans and shoes. It’s kinda ironic that the only
girls that cared were the ones who usually throw themselves on guys in hope
they would get to get in their pants. Quite a few girls have actually been
trying to get with Reiner for a while, to bad he’s gay though guess there's no
chance they will be getting in his pants any time soon.
We make our way to our usual spot in the courtyard, off to the side where there
was a huge tree where we all sat under, and just by coincidence Mikasa and her
group so happened to sit in the center of the courtyard where there was a large
water fountain with a huge black marble ball in the middle. It was really
bothersome that her group sat so close to ours because her group was so damn
loud, especially Sasha and Connie. Even Eren and Jean if they decided to get
into one of their little girly fights which Mikasa and Marco always broke up.
A folded piece of paper was thrown into my lap making me look up at who threw
it, Ymir was smiling down at her with Christa standing not to far behind her.
Christa tried to avoid me at all costs it was like she was afraid of me or
something, she was small and fragile like a porcelain doll. One that would
break so easily. I unfold the piece of paper and it was a poster for the school
Halloween dance coming up soon, although dancing wasn't my thing i still ended
up going every school dance held, mostly because Bertholdt and Reiner drag me
to those things but it also go me out of my room for a night.
“So you going to go?” I looked up from the poster wondering if it was even a
question since the answer was so painfully obvious anyway, Ymir guessed from my
look and just nodded sitting down with the rest of us. I lay down on the grass
and put my arms behind my head as some sort of cushioning, so i didn’t have to
rest my head on the hard ground and closed my eyes, apart from the group
talking it was pretty quiet in the courtyard, not that many people decided to
hang around outside, most prefered to be inside in the cafeteria or the library
when the air conditioner was always on during summer,making it a popular
hangout spot during the summer heat waves.
A scream followed by splashing broke the somewhat peaceful atmosphere, I sit up
and look over towards the fountain. I wasn't particularly surprised by what I
saw, it was the same guy from art but this time he'd pushed Mikasa into the
fountain her white shirt now see through, and her red bra was visible through
the wet fabric.
“Whoops, sorry didn't see you there” he said sarcastically laughing down at the
wet Mikasa.
Mikasa stayed still for a good few seconds before pulling herself out of the
fountain, she was about to walk away when the boy reached around and grabbed a
hold of her chest fondling her boobs in his hands, startling Mikasa and making
her squeal out loudly,
“Wow, so these things are huge, you wouldn't mind if I stripped you naked in
front of all these people would you?.” Even though I was sitting a fair
distance away I could still hear what he was saying, it was making me feel sick
I hate the girl but hearing something like that just makes me sick. Reiner was
clenching his fists he looked like he wanted to punch the guy in the face and I
don't blame him, at the moment I feel like doing just that as well.
Mikasa just stood there face twisted with anger until he started to slide his
hands to the hem of her shirt, it was then that she ripped his hand away from
her and threw him to the ground and glared down at him with a deadly look.
“You boys are all the same. Filthy fucking pigs” she said before kicking him in
the face, falling down onto her knees straddling his waist and cracking a punch
across his face, then another and another until he started to cough blood up. I
was so shocked by this outburst that all I could do was stare ahead in horror,
until I saw that she had no plan to stop hitting. Standing up i ran over to
Mikasa and pulled her away from the boy who rolled over and spat more blood out
of his mouth, to be honest he deserved it you can only push someone so far
before they snap.
We fell backwards onto the ground but I still kept hold of her, her group and
mine rushing over to see what happened. I couldn't see her face but she was
trembling but not because she was sad, she was trembling because of how mad she
was. If I haven't of pulled her off would she of continued to hit him till he
died? Was she someone who would even be capable of killing someone. It only
became aware to me now that she was still soaking wet and now the water from
her shirt was seeping into mine, it wasn't completely unpleasant considering
I've trained in the rain before.
I stood up and looked down at her, her bra still really visible I frowned down
at the girl, her fist was bruised and bloodied and the anger had disappeared
from her face. I shoved my hands into my hoodies pocket and walked over to my
bag pulling my Letterman jacket out, everyone on the basketball team got one,
on the back of mine was embroidered ‘04 Leonhardt’ with a green unicorn on both
shoulders. Walking back over to the shivering girl who now had Armin and Eren
kneeled down beside her asking if she was okay. I stood in front of her and
looked down and looked down at her for a few seconds then threw the jacket into
her lap.
“Here put this on.” It came out as more of an order than a request, she just
looked up at me confused.
Reiner was looking at me with that look again, he knew why I was being nice and
he didn't agree with my intentions. Bertholdt on the other hand had no clue,
either that or he’s decided to keep his mouth shut about the subject like Ymir
has, but i doubt it will be long till Reiner will tell him, then I'll have him
on my back about it as well. Rolling my eyes I turn around and leave, I didn't
need another lecture from him I don’t even see what the huge fuss about it is
seriously, It’s just a little fun no need to make a big deal out of it.
Like always Reiner dropped me home he kept quiet about what went down today
which was a relief. Digging around in my bag I pull out my keys and swing the
door open, dropping my bag at the bottom of the stairs. I could hear my dad’s
tattoo gun going up stairs so I assume he has a customer my dad runs a home
tattoo business, and since he’s one of the best in our area he gets a lot of
customers meaning he gets a heap of money from his business. He’s the reason
i’m so into art, I saw him drawing a lot when i was growing up so I eventually
picked up a pencil myself and started to draw. My room had posters and drawings
up on the walls everywhere, to my father's dismay, he originally told me not to
hang anything up on my walls but I ended up doing so anyway, he didn’t mind so
much though.
I fall back onto my bed and stare up at the ceiling, “I have to go visit mum
again soon” I said to no one in particular. I was very young when my mum passed
away, but I can still remember her fairly well. She was beautiful and always
smiling, she never got mad and had a calm personality, I wish I had more time
to get to know her but I didn’t get that luxury, I really miss her I always
have. I remember her always being in bed due to her illness, and on the odd
occasion that she was out of bed she was sitting out on the balcony, she passed
away when I was six. The last thing she told me was to stay strong, and I have,
I grew up a lot faster than most children my age did so most children out cast
me, until I entered middle school that's when people started to view me
differently.
It wasn’t long until there was a knock at the door, knowing my dad probably
wouldn’t hear it over the tattoo gun I grunt and jump up off my bed. When I got
to the door i was slightly shocked at who I saw, Mikasa stood at my door my
jacket slung over her arm,
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I just wanted to return your jacket.” I
look behind her to check if she’s alone and smile to myself.
“Come inside”
“No it’s fine, I really shouldn’t”
“I wasn’t asking” It was so easy to boss her around it was almost sad, but
finally she gave in and walked inside hesitantly. Once inside I grab her arm
and lead her to my room, closing the door behind me, when i turned around
Mikasa was looking at all the drawings on my walls and desk,
“Like what you see?” I ask breaking the silence, she nods and turns to me,
“You’re very talented with a pencil” She says it like she's never seen any of
my stuff before, I mean we're both in the same art class, it’s a bit weird
she's never seen anything of mine before now.
Closing the distance between us and grab her wrists firmly pulling her closer
towards me.
“You know that’s not the only thing I’m talented at,” Mikasa looks at me with a
mixture of panic and confusion, I start to close the distance between us but
she turns her head to the side.
“Annie… st-”
“If you truly want me to stop then push me away” I cut her off harshly, snaking
my arm around her waist pulling her even closer against me and cupping her
cheek with my other hand. She instantly flushed crimson, she made no further
attempt to stop me so I take that as my invitation, closing the gap between us
I press my lips to her surprisingly soft ones. It didn’t take long for her to
start to kiss back and wrap her arms around me, but that's not what shocked me
the most. What truly shocked me was that this actually felt somewhat good.
What’s happening to me? I shouldn't be enjoying this. I hate her guts. But why
does this make me want to never let go?
***** Cold metal *****
Chapter Notes
     WARNING: Rape (Not in full detail. Barely any detail) Suicide attempt
     and cutting. I'm only planning on having one more chapter with a
     suicide attempt... But why that happens is a secret. Yes i'm
     horrible, but i like angst with a happy ending. And that's exactly
     what this story is. So i hope everyone lasts till the end of it
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Mikasa’s POV
I left Annie’s house feeling small, not because I hated what she did or she
said something to offend me. But more because that someone as small as Annie
could so easily take control over me, leaving me speechless in the process. She
had a sort of power to her that made me lose my mind for a minute, so I could
no longer process any thought, it was strange but also at the same time I liked
it. I like her. I have for a while now, but decided to keep it a secret, even
from Eren.
Walking up my driveway I notice that Eren’s car isn’t there, he was probably at
Armin’s place or had a football game this afternoon that I forgot about. But my
stomach instantly sunk as soon as I realized whose car was in the driveway, it
was Grisha’s, my adoptive fathers. I thought of just turning around and going
elsewhere, maybe Sasha’s or maybe even back to Annie’s house, she did offer for
me to stay after all and now I really wish I had of. Instead of turning away i
assure myself that maybe he’s asleep or in his study so I could sneak up to my
room without him noticing.
Quietly opening the door I slip inside, so far no sign of him so i turn back
around and lock the door putting my keys back into my bag and start to walk
upstairs. I almost reach my room when I hear a door open down the hall,
“Well aren’t you late home today?” A slurred drunken voice called out from
behind me. My blood ran cold so fast that I felt as if I’d been dumped into a
meat locker for the past hour, why did Eren have to be out, why did Levi have
to be still at school marking papers, why did i refuse Annie’s offer to stay
over at her place. If one of those things were different I’d be perfectly fine
and my anxiety levels wouldn’t be bursting out the roof right now. But they
weren’t different, and I was home alone for possibly the next few hours with
him, I wanted to run back down stairs and out the door but knowing my luck he’d
catch me.
Afraid to answer I just stood there frozen on the spot, my mind screaming at me
to run, it was only till i heard footsteps that I decided to make a run for it,
I’d made it halfway down the stairs and i thought for sure I could easily make
it the rest of the way then I’d be fine. But strong arms grabbed my arm pulling
me around to face him, tears well in my eyes as it sinks in that I was caught,
“Trying to run away are we? I’ll have to punish you for that” He smirks at me
in a way that makes me want to throw up, it’s sickening, he’s the reason I am
the way I am, it’s all his fault.
“Please, just let me go. Just let me go!” I scream in his face starting to cry,
but all i go was a slap across the face and a stinging cheek.
The next few minutes were a blur as I was dragged up stairs into my room,
struggling to get away with no success, and thrown down on my bed. As I hear
the sound of his zipper going down I start to whimper,
“Please, stop, I don’t want to do this anymore, I never have wanted to do this,
Please just stop!” I scream trying to get up but as soon as he saw this he
instantly pinned me down with his strong grip. “Shut up! You’re my property you
little bitch!” He shouts roughly pulling my pants down, my shirt up over my
eyes so I couldn’t see what he was doing and some sort of cloth shoved into my
mouth to gag me. Seconds after my whole body was plunged into agonizing pain as
he thrusts into me roughly, I scream loudly into the gag but it was so muffled
that even if someone was down stairs they wouldn’t be able to hear me. I wanted
someone to come home, Levi, Eren anyone. I wanted to be saved. I want someone
to save me from this hellish nightmare. But no matter how much I cry and scream
it just makes him go rougher and harder, it encourages him to punch me and hit
me with things like his belt while violating me, he leaves bruises, hickeys and
cuts all over me. When ever he sees my cuts on my thighs he slaps them, and
makes them open up again.I don’t even know what I did to deserve this, or why
he targets me of all people.
When he finally finished he left the room leaving me curled up on my bed
crying, I pull my shirt down and spit the gag out. Eren still wasn’t home and
by the looks of what time it is neither would Levi, he usually comes over at
around seven to help cook dinner, but something tells me he won’t be coming
over tonight. An hour later I hear Eren walk through the door and yells from
downstairs telling me that his dad will be done making dinner in about half an
hour, the thought of having to go down stairs and sit across the table from
Grisha made me want to just lock myself in my room.
I decide I have enough time to take a bath, except I want this one to be my
last. I turn on my music and put the volume up to high then wait until the bath
was full then sat in the hot tub, staring off at the sharp silver piece of
metal sitting on the palm of my hand which once belonged to a razor I pulled
apart. Eventually the memories of what just happened and all the times before
washed over me like a huge wave, making me cry again as I start to drag the
cold metal across my wrists, making deep long gashes making sure not to go as
deep to hit a vein.
I tried so desperately to wash away the blunt pain from today and every other
time, with the sharp pain the razor was giving me. Replacing one kind of pain
with another probably sounds absurd, but it works, the pain is the only thing
that convinces me I’m still alive and not living in some sort of nightmare that
I can’t escape. So many things were running through my mind, the sexual abuse,
the verbal abuse, the fact that everyone at my school hates me, I'm an outcast.
An outcast with no place in this world that's how I feel, how I’ve always felt
ever since I lost my parents.
Wasn’t long till the water was tinted a pinkish colour from my blood, my cry
had died down and everything went quiet, not even my music got through to me. I
started to feel light headed and dizzy, all I want to do is go to sleep, and so
I did. I let my eyes close and the darkness embraces me in it’s welcoming arms,
pulling me deeper and deeper into an inescapable abyss.
Eren’s POV
“Mikasa” I call to her for the third time, but still get no answer. She’s had
her music louder than this before and could still hear me calling her, but for
some reason she isn’t responding. Groaning I walk upstairs and open Mikasa’s
door but she’s nowhere in sight, but I could hear her music coming from the
bathroom. Knocking on her bathroom door i wait for an answer but get none.
“Mikasa it’s Eren are you in there? You missed dinner.. again” But still no
answer, ‘Mikasa?” I call out again getting slightly more worried, “Mikasa open
the door you're starting to scare me.” This was beyond a joke, it’s unlike her
to go this far as a joke, “Mikasa, I’m coming in” I call loud enough for her to
hear, hesitantly opening the door in case she just had her earphones in and was
still naked.
Stepping inside the bathroom I look over to the bath, the colour of the water
catching my eye first and then my sister with her face under the water, her
face slightly blue. My heart stops at seeing this, panicking I quickly pull her
out of the water and onto the cold tiles of her bathroom, my first instinct is
the check her pulse. It was so faint it almost wasn’t there, what could of
driven her to do this again? after so long of being suicide attempt clean, it
was clear that I’d have to give her CPR, there was probably water stuck in her
lungs.
Not long after I finished giving her air again after the second set of
compressions she started to cough. As soon as I heard her start to cough I
quickly roll her onto her side so she doesn't re swallow all that water again,
the water escaped her mouth quickly, and I was surprised by the amount, she’d
swallowed so much water that I’m surprised she isn’t already dead. I lift her
up and hug her to me tightly trying to warm her up, but also because I was
afraid for a second that I had actually lost her. I run my hand soothingly
through her hair and up and down her arm, not even thinking about what I was
about to say I snap,
“Why the hell would you do this again? Don’t you care that you’d leave me
behind you stupid girl?” Not until she started crying did I understand how
harsh my words came out, she started to tremble so I quickly reached for her
towel and wrapped it around her, she didn’t even seem to care that i saw her
naked.
“I-I’m so s-sorry Eren, but you should have j-just left me to die… I just want
to die” She sobbed into my shirt her words catching me off guard. I move her
off me and stand up ignoring how wet my shirt and pants were from where she was
curled up on me, my mind still on what she said,
“What kind of brother would I be if I let you die? I’ll go get dad to check on
you to make sure you're fine.” Turning to leave I open the door but my shirt
got roughly grabbed stopping me from walking,
“No! Please, don’t. Eren please” As confused by the request as I was i decided
to drop it not wanting to push her while in the state she’s in currently.
“Alright, I won't. Can you stand by yourself?” I sigh looking down at her. She
shook her head so I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to her bed,
laying her down gently afraid I was going to hit her wrists or thighs. She
pulls her blankets over her then throws her towel on the floor,
“Mikasa… I saw the bruises… and the hickeys… and bite marks, you know you can
tell me anything right?” I got no answer instead she rolled over so her back
was facing me, confirming something was wrong.
I know I can’t push her to tell me what was going on but it still doesn’t stop
me from worrying,
“Mikasa this is serious, if you were pushed to do something against your will
you need to tell me.” But what I got was even more silence, until finally she
pulled the blankets over her head,
“Eren, just drop it. Okay?” Giving up on trying to question her I stand up only
to be tugged back down again, “ Can you please stay? Just until I fall asleep.”
She may as well just tell me to get in bed with her, I lay down next to her on
top of the sheets not gain enough to get under the covers, her bed was a double
so it was easy for both of us to fit on there without one of us falling off.
After we both got settled she started to cry again, all I could do was offer
her as much support as i can right now. She finally calmed down enough to fall
asleep, like always playing with her hair calmed her down. It was hard to
support someone who I have no clue what’s going on since she never tells me
what's wrong anymore, recently she’s just shut me out. Hopefully one day she’ll
decide to open up, until that day I’ll continue to support her and be there for
her when she needs someone to cry on. It’s all I can do until then.
 
Mikasa’s POV
My body ached so much the pain was impossible to ignore, my lower abdominal
area hurt the most. This has been going on ever since I started high school, I
just came home one day and he was drunk and took all his rage out on me
sexually. The abuse hurts, then it kills. It’s always worse the next day.
Rolling over onto my side I see that Eren is still in my bed asleep, I quietly
sit up making sure I don’t wake Eren up and look over at my clock on the
bedside table, the red blinking digits reading six fifty seven. Slipping out of
bed i quickly get dressed and slip out the door, Eren’s always been a heavy
sleeper so I didn't need to worry about being quiet, knowing him he'd probably
be able to sleep through a tornado.
The air was cool outside, to my luck I could escape the house without getting
caught by Grisha since Eren’s asleep he’d probably have his way with me again,
he has no mercy he wouldn't care if I was sore or screaming and crying stuff
like that encourages him to be rougher. He use to be so nice but ever since
Carla passed away he's been abusive and takes his anger out on me, but he still
hasn't changed with how he treats Eren, only me.
I've probably neglected to mention this up until now but Annie lives just next
door to me we've been neighbors since primary when her family and her moved
over from Russia. And if the wasn't enough her window is literally right across
from mine, yes that sounds like a scene from a movie I know, and if you're
thinking that if she lives right next door wouldn't she hear what's going on
with the whole Grisha thing? Well no, he always shuts the blinds and we have
sound proof walls.
Across from my house is a small park, I usually go there to think or to get my
mind off things. It’s quiet and no one here to bother me I pull my knees up to
my chest and bury my face into my knees, I’ve been planning to run away for a
while now only thing is I wouldn’t know where to go and if I did end up running
away I don’t want to go alone.
I look up as soon as I hear footsteps walking towards me, eyes locking with icy
blue ones. A bit surprised at how close she was I fell backwards onto the
ground, Annie laughing at me. I sit up and look her up and down, she was in
black jeans boots and a button up red flannelette shirt with a leather jacket
over the top, her hands were covered in car grease and there was another smug
on her face.
“Why are you covered in grease?” I ask confused, she smirked at me and pulled a
spanner out her back pocket, I scoff at her “Seems like you’ve had fun this
morning.”
“I decided to give this guy I know some payback for hurting this pretty cool
girl I like.” Even more confused I stand up brushing myself off.
“And who’s this girl you're referring to?”
“I think you know exactly who she is.” Annie stepped forward, wrapping her arms
around my waist pulling me close to her, she slipped her hands just under the
hem of my shirt and ran her nails up and down along the small of my back
“You’re hands are freezing” I wince at how unexpectedly cold they were, but I
don’t pull away from her. Annie’s face was almost always the same, she’s had
the same stoic expression for years now. It’s not unpleasant, but it does make
it hard to tell what she was thinking.
Any normal person I would of pushed away by now, but for some reason her
treating me like this doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable or uneasy. She’s
different. Even so something deep down is telling me that all this is just a
trick, my gut feelings are next to never wrong but I want to believe that what
she's doing now is her being genuine and not her messing with me.
Annie leaned in pressing herself against me, kissing my neck softly making a
trail from my lower neck up to my jaw line.
“Annie... what am I to you?” She pulled away for a moment and looked at me with
her straight face. It sends shivers down my spine every time she looks at me
like this, even more so when I thought she hated me,
“I'll have to get back to you with that one.” Deep down I feel like this is all
just a sick joke and that she's messing with my feelings so her and her friends
can go make fun of it later, I what to trust her but her past makes it hard.She
played a hard game to read, I can’t read what she’s thinking by looking at her,
I can’t tell how genuine her feelings are, I don’t know why she’s so
desperately trying to get on my good side and flatter me. Is this all some
weird attempt to win me over?
She notices I’m not going to say anything back and lets go of my waist, kissing
me quickly on the lips before pulling away, the kiss almost over as quickly as
it happened.
“I’ll see you at school” She says over her shoulder, waving me a goodbye. She’s
so mysterious, and cold, and arrogant, slightly narcissistic and cocky. And as
much as I want to deny it, I like her.
Chapter End Notes
     Sorry for swapping between POV's so much but I couldn't think of a
     way around it that wasn't weird sorry.
***** Fall Apart *****
Chapter Summary
     Sorry it took so long to update again, I honestly had no clue how to
     continue this but I finally found a loop hole. So yay. And for those
     few who read this I hope you enjoy my new chapter.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Annie’s POV
As per usual fourth period Science was an absolute bore, I contemplated on
skipping with Reiner and Bertholdt but I didn't want to smell of smoke again.
That brought up to many questions from my father the last time that happened.
Science never really fascinated me much anyway, I saw no point to it, if it
wasn't going to help me with my art career than I didn't want to be doing it.
It’s as simple as that. But my dad still insists on me including Science in my
subject selection, which is a real pain in my ass. No one I particularly like
is in my Science class, there’s Hitch but she annoys me to the point of wanting
to kick her into a wall. So I try to avoid interactions with her by sitting on
the opposite side of the class room from her, but even then sometimes that
doesn’t work, and today just happens to be one of those days where I couldn’t
get away from sitting with her. Hitch leaned over and poked my arm to get my
attention, I grunt quietly but look over at her anyway. “What?” I snap, usually
that would make most people flinch or back off, but for some reason it seems
ineffective on Hitch. “Are you dating the Ackerman girl? There have been some
rumours going around that you’ve been getting real friendly with her” Her smirk
almost made me want to hit her there and then, I guess I knew eventually that
rumours would start to make their way around the school, it was only a matter
of time before they did. Not that they really bothered me much anyways, rumours
are just rumours and the people stupid enough to listen to them are dimwits.
“No I’m not dating her, It’s all just a joke if anything, and she stupid enough
to believe I’m being serious. Why would I date someone like that? Come on I
thought you knew me better than that.”
Me dating Ackerman. Now that was a joke. Hitch just smiled then went back to
her work, for once, I was surprised she actually asked a half decent question
for once, instead of asking for my answers to the work we were doing. She was
always asking to copy my work, she would even make the effort to come half way
across the room just to ask to copy my work. Five minutes till the bell I
started packing up when someone knocked at the classroom door, I paid no
attention to it though and kept packing away my pencils and pens. “Annie
Leonhardt, can you please come with me” At hearing my name I look up and see
Levi standing at the front of the classroom, everyone in the room going silent
and I pick up my stuff and follow him out the door. The whole walk to his
office was completely silent, when we reached his office he held the door open
as I walked in and sat at one of the chairs in front of his desk. “Couldn’t
this of waited until after class Mr Ackerman?” I ask as he walked around his
desk and sat down. “No, you have a tendency of skipping your fifth period Maths
class on Wednesdays, and your impossible to find at breaks” Noticing how I fell
silent at the mention of how I skip Maths Levi spoke up, “Don’t worry I’m not
here to talk about why you skip most of your classes, If your getting fairly
decent grades you must be doing something right I guess.”
I sigh in relief, “Then why am I here?” I ask starting to get worried. Levi
sighed and rested his elbows on the desk, interlocking his finger and resting
his chin on them. “As you probably know my little sister is in your grade, and
shares some classes with you.” My stomach started to sink and I felt my whole
body go cold, ‘Oh shit he knows.’ I hum and nod my head, trying not to talk
encase my voice cracks, I’m usually not one to be afraid of teachers but for
some reason the though of Levi being mad sent shivers down my spine. “I know
you two never really got along that much until recently, but you’ve known her
since primary. I wanted to know if you think she’s been acting strange. And I
don’t mean because of the bullying, I figured she may of told you something
that maybe going on out side of school, something she refuses to tell me or
Eren.” Relief rushes through me at the fact that he didn’t call me in about the
fact I’m only using his sister. “Now that I think about it she did seem really
hesitant to leave my house the other day, and when I saw her the next morning
she was out in the park across from her house at like six in the morning, and
she was... jumpy. When I walked up to her she had this terrified look on her
face.” I’d never really put much though into why she changed so drastically in
so little time, and she wasn’t the kind of person to go this way after
bullying. She was stronger than that, that’s why it makes no sense. “Well thank
you Annie, you can go now. But if you find out anything can you please tell me,
I’m really worried about her.” I nod and exit Levi’s office, by the time I
walked out the bell had already gone and the hallway was in between busy and
almost vacant, telling me I was in his office for longer than I thought. While
I was walking to my locker it seemed as if everyone who remained in the hall
ways were starring at me. God it was annoying, the one thing I hate is
starring, like if your gonna look that at least do it so it’s not so obvious to
the whole world that your starring.
By the time I made it to my locker the locker room was completely cleared out
for once, I pack my books away and make my way to the schools gym. Barely
anyone ever uses it apart from a few people occasionally, but most the time
when I decide to go in there it’s empty and I have the gym to myself. The only
way to really be aloud in the gym is if you have a gym pass, and most the
students are to lazy to get their parents to sign for them to get one. But in a
way it works in my favour because there are no pervert guys just in their to
check out girls, one of the reasons why the school made up the rule that you
had to get a pass. i went to reach for the gym door but before I could get a
chance to grab it, it got swung open forcing me to step backwards to avoid
getting hit by the door. I look up and see Eren storming out of the gym with a
pissed look on his face which softened when he saw me, and started apologising
for almost hitting me with the door before walking off.
Confused I walk into the gym the only other person in the gym was Mikasa, who
seemed more interested in practically beating a punching bag half to death. I
walk up behind her and watch her technique a while before commenting “Your
forms wrong.” Mikasa jumps and swings around giving me a glare before turning
back around, completely ignoring my comment. “That was cold, what happened to
you? Does it have anything to do with why Eren seemed so pissed off?” Getting
no reply once again. “Here I’ll show you” I sigh and walk closer behind her,
firmly grabbing her waist, I was about to pivot her until I heard Mikasa cry
out in pain, freezing once she realised what she has just done, “Don’t touch
me” She said quietly, I can’t see her face but my guess is that she’s probably
embarrassed, “Mikasa what’s wrong?” I said loosening my grip on her waist I
grab her wrist and spin her around to face me. “Annie let go.” Mikasa begged
her voice laced with pain, “Why?” I ask firmly squeezing her wrist tighter to
make sure she wouldn’t get away. Tears started to dwell in her eyes and she
tried harder to pull away from my grip, “Please Annie, you’re hurting me.” I
frown and let go, Mikasa sighing in relief and sat down on one of the machines
leaning back an closing her eyes. Going to put my hand in my pocket I felt
something wet, opening my hand I gasp seeing as how it was covered in blood.
I look over at the ravenette’s wrist, there was blood seeping through her thin
jumper. More than just a little bit curious I grab her hand, she didn’t seem to
fussed until I started to pull her sleeve up. To make sure she didn’t get away
I grip her hand hard enough I know she won’t be able to escape, I pulled her
sleeve up to her elbow then turned it over so her palm was facing up, instantly
feeling sick in the pit of my stomach when I see all the cuts going up her arm,
there had to be at least thirty, some just thin shallow cuts others deep. By
this time Mikasa has already broken into tears, I pull her sleeve back down
over the cuts and I start to lift up her shirt making her squirm and make
noises of dissaproval, but this time instead of cuts their were bruises, bite
marks, hickies, and what seemed to be whip marks. “Mikasa what the hell is
this?!” I felt my anger rising, but not at her, no I was mad at who ever did
this. Its not like I care about her or anything, I just hate seeing people
getting mistreated like this. Her shaking intensifies and so does her crying,
but she just turns her face away, “Is this what your brother was mad about?
Because you wouldn’t tell him what happened” She nodded and weakly tried to
pull her arm away again. “Well guess what? I’m not your brother and I’m not
letting you go until you tell me what the fuck happened to you” I say firmly
making her shake again, “Mikasa!” Everything inside me snapped, making me
scream at her and at the same time I saw something ignite in her eyes, “What do
you think happened? Isn’t it obvious. Your just torturing me but making me say
it!” It feels like the real her is back almost, the fire in her eyes that she
had lost for a long time was back, “I was fucking raped okay? Are you happy
now?!” The fire disappeared as fast as it had came and was replaced with
sadness, tears streaming down her face.
She pushed herself off the machine and onto the ground, falling into my chest
clenching onto my shirt as she cries into my chest. Something inside me starts
to hurt, Its something I’ve only felt once and that was when my mum died. So
why was I feeling it again now? I wrap my arms around her and tightly hug her
stroking her hair, trying to offer her as much comfort as I could. Normally I
would just get up and leave, but for some reason I can’t bring myself to do
that to her. “Who did this to you?” Mikasa buried her face deeper into my
chest, “I don’t know who he is” when she talked it came out muffled but I could
still understand what she was saying. She’s lying, of course she knows who the
guy is who did this, she just doesn’t trust me enough to tell me. Even then I
don’t blame her, but her lying to me left a ping of pain in my chest.
“Mikasa” I wasn’t really looking for an answer, but nether the less she still
looked up at me, when I looked into her eyes it made that strange feeling in my
stomach come back. I cup her face in my hands and wipe her tears away with my
thumbs, “Your not alone anymore” I let go of her face and grab onto her ass
making her jump, and pull her up onto my lap. I wrap my arms around her neck
snaking one hand to the back of her head “Annie?” I give her a small reassuring
smile and guide her down to my lips, she instantly stopped crying, closed her
eyes and deepened the kiss, it felt like electricity was running through my
body. I have no clue what it is but I want more of it, she ran her hands up my
sides and into my shirt stopping at my waist, they were warm and made my skin
tingle. I felt Mikasa grin against my lips then her tongue slip past my lips
into my mouth. Her tongue fighting to gain dominance with mine, after a while I
let her take control, we were both to transfixed on what was happening to hear
the gym door open. “Annie!” Mikasa and I both pull away from each other quickly
and look towards the gym door, and there was Reiner glaring down at me and
Bertholdt behind him looking off to the side, trying to avoid eye contact for
some reason. “So this is where you were” He crossed his arms, and didn’t look
the least bit happy, I go to open my mouth but was cut off instantly. “Just get
your stuff and come on we’re ready to go” He groaned, him and Bertholdt walking
out of the gym door shutting it behind them. Looking down at Mikasa who was
still by the looks of it still confused to what just happened, I collect my
stuff and give her an apologetic smile leaning down to kiss her on the cheek,
“I’m coming over to yours after school today, no questions asked. Bye love
don’t hurt yourself.”
Running out the door I give her no time to take the opportunity to say anything
in return, Reiner and Bertholdt were already waiting outside the gym for me,
Bert staring off into space and Reiner giving me a disappointed look, “Shut up.
I know what your gonna say, so save your breath and don’t bother” I put my hand
up to him stopping him from saying out loud what he was thinking. “Why bother
not like your going to listen to me anyway” I roll my eyes at him and walk
ahead of them to behind the Performing Arts hall, I open the back door making
my way through to a part of backstage no one ever uses, which is thankfully out
of sight as well. Reiner and Bertholdt throw their bags down on the ground and
sit down next to me, we always skip classes together and hang out back here. We
found this place back in our first year of high school, I made it a rule that
Reiner wasn’t aloud to smoke while around me anymore since the smell somehow
always seems to cling itself onto me, then I have to explain to my dad that I
don’t smoke and it was just the ‘girls in the bathroom’ who always smoke. He
never questions me further after that.
I slip in my earphone and turn my music on blocking everything else out, while
the two boys just talk about all kinds of random stuff that doesn’t interest me
one bit, usually why I zone out when they have their convocations with each
other, they always seem to make their way onto a topic I don’t give a fuck
about. I wasn’t aware Bertholdt was calling my name until her reached over and
tugged on my earphones making them fall out of my ears. “Annie why have you got
blood on your hands” they were both paying attention to the blood on my hands,
I completely forgot that I needed to wipe off, both of them looking equally as
worried as the other, “It’s not mine, calm down” I go through my bag and pull
out some wipes to clean off the blood, don’t ask why I carry them with me,
“Then who’s is it? Annie you didn’t get into any fights did you?” Reiner asked,
it felt like I was being interrogated by the two, I shake my head and he
continues to stare me down.
“It’s Mikasa’s okay geez, she had cuts on her wrist. When I grabbed her I must
have opened them up again” I finish cleaning the blood off me and toss the wipe
into the closest bin to us on the other side of the small room. “Cuts?”
Bertholdt seemed even more curious now than before, “I didn’t imagine her to be
that type” Reiner added. “Neither did I till I saw them. And not to mention
she’s covered in bruises, hickeys and whip marks you name it” Reiner and
Bertholdt go silent putting two and two together, “Shit” Reiner cursed under
his breath. Fishing into my bag again I pull out my small flask of Jack Daniels
mixed with Coke, it burned as it went down and god did it feel amazing. “I
thought you said you quit drinking” Bertholdt said raising his eyebrows at me,
Reiner started to laugh and I laugh with him “And you took that seriously. I
only said that because I was hung over.” Bertholdt mumbled something under his
breath and rolled his eyes at us “A drinker and a smoker ” he mumbled loud
enough to be heard this time. “And a gay” I add raising my flask before taking
another drink, enjoying the burning sensation as it ran down my throat. “I’m
not gay” Bert snapped back at me, “Sure, sure” Both Reiner and I say together,
Bertholdt decided to take the matter no further and just left it where it was.
We shared small talk up until the final bell of the day rang, when we all pack
our stuff up and went our separate ways. Tonight was going to be a long night.
Chapter End Notes
     If you guys want longer chapters say so in the comments please, ill
     gladly make them longer if people want me to, i Love reading all your
     comments :). Thank you hope you enjoyed this chapter.
***** Tea and Coffee *****
Chapter Notes
     I suck at chapter names but oh well. If your faint hearted then this
     story isn't for you, this chapter holds strong sexual content, you
     have been warned. If you don't like that sort of stuff then stop
     reading now. Hope you enjoy my new chapter sorry for the wait. Sorry
     in advace for this chapter
Mikasa’s POV
Everyone would always tell you things get better. But really things just get
more challenging and harder to face as you get older, each harder to face.
Everything gets sugar coated to you by adults through your whole life. I wish I
had of known how much harder my life would of gotten when I was young. When my
parents died I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, but then the sexual
abuse started, the bullying, then the depression. It was like a tsunami,
everything was quiet the pain rushed away then crashed over me in a hug wave,
that knocked me off my feet. I dump my bag in the corner of my room and fall
backwards onto my bed, pulling the throw rugs on my bed around me into a
makeshift fortress of blankets. I grab hold of a pillow and cover my face,
Annie probably wasn’t going to be over for a while if she planned on staying
the night, meaning she was probably getting clothes packed and what not. She
took today surprisingly well considering, it almost leads me to think why she
took it so well. The silence in the house was broken by Eren was raging down
the hall again, most likely because Levi beat him in another game of his, he is
such a sore loser. I don’t even how he gets Levi to play the X-box with him,
when I can barely get him to text me back most the time. Then again he’s like
that with everyone, even Eren, so it makes me feel a little better.
I’m so bloody glad its Friday afternoon, it means I wont have to see all the
bitches and wankers at school till Monday. Levi was staying the weekend and
Annie was staying for god knows how long, so I feel a little safer for the
weekend. I smile at the thought of Annie, and how she was with everything today
how she didn’t call me an idiot, how she didn’t yell at me and say I was
mentally fucked up, it was nice. My bedroom door opened and closed, assuming it
was Eren getting something out of my room I kept the pillow on my face, “Eren
what ever you take better magically make it’s way back into my room, and not
stay in yours.” No response. The bed sunk next to me and I grunt “Eren go
cuddle with your boy toy for crying out loud” I got no response one again and
the shifting stopped. That’s when I felt a pair of lips press against my neck
and I knew straight away who it was, I stiffen in fright he wasn’t seriously
going to do this right now was he? There’s no way. “Keep your voice down or
I’ll make you regret it” He growled, his hot breath brushing against my neck
making me feel even more uncomfortable. I could scream, I could scream out to
Eren and Levi they would come straight away, but what then? What would happen
to me if I did do that? How would Eren react? This was revolting the way he
touched me, It was sick. I hated it, it made me wasn’t to throw up, but I was
also scared, scared he’d hurt me like he does when I misbehave. He pushed the
pillow off my face and grinned, he was seriously twisted, his hand slipping up
my shirt. My whole body already ached from last time, I couldn’t take this
again it’s to much.
His hand made its way up to my chest and firmly grabbed hold on one of my
breasts, squeezing it tightly enough to make me almost cry out. He releases me
and pulls me upwards so I’m now sitting up, “Stand up in front of the bed” I
follow his instructions and stand up facing him, not wanting to make eye
contact I stare at the ground, “Strip.” My eyes widen and my stomach sinks, “W-
what” my voice comes out shaky and I feel like punching myself for showing him
weakness. “I said, strip” He wasn’t asking, no it was more of a command. Still
partially shocked I slowly shrug off my jacket, followed my shirt and pants and
throwing them neatly into a pilled leaving me in my bra and panties and leaving
me completely venerable to him, “Everything Mikasa” He grinned knowing fairly
well out of fear I would follow his instructions. I slowly unhook my bra and
slide my panties off covering my now completely exposed body. “I heard from
Eren that one of your friends is staying over” His voice was casual but he
still held that same smirk, I nod and rub my thighs together getting extremely
embarrassed by the way his eyes wandered over my body. “I better make this
quick than” He slipped his pants off and grabbed my wrist pulling my closer
“Turn around” his tone as harsh and piercing as always, I obey his commanded
and turn around and now I’m really starting to panic, not being able to see
what he’s doing really freaks me out.
Shock risen in me and he grabbed hold of my ass squeezing it tightly, spreading
my legs apart along with my ass cheeks, tracing his fingers over an area which
he’d never bothered to touch before till now. “W-what are you doing?” I jump
away from him, which just earned me a slap on the ass then being pulled back
into his reach, “Be good for me okay?” He bit me hard on the ass then slapped
it again, only harder this time, taking a strong hold to my hips he pulled me
down, lining himself up and thrusting half his length into me. I scream out in
pain tears starting to form, it wasn’t long until I heard footsteps running up
to my door “Mikasa are you okay?” Eren’s voice called out, followed by Levi
“What’s going on in there?” they both sounded equally as worried. I wanted to
scream out for them to help me but Grisha only grabbed my hips tighter and
forced me down the rest of the way, as a way to say ‘don’t you dare’. I
mustered up a normal voice and called back “I’m fine, I just slipped onto my
bed” Eren and Levi went silent, and Grisha started to pull me up then slam me
back down onto him, the pain running through my entire body. “Do you want us to
come in there?” my stomach sunk at the thought of them both seeing me like
this, “Don’t you dare, I’m getting undressed” Grisha quietly laughed kissing up
my neck. God I was going to be sick. “Okay, nope never mind” Eren called before
running back down the hall.
Half an hour later Grisha left my room and I once again felt sick, and after
being woken up early every morning to having to throw up for the past few
weeks. I grab my keys and burst out of my room running down the stairs, “Where
are you going?” I jump and see Levi in the kitchen probably making coffee or
something, “Out... I need to go to the pharmacy” I blurt out quickly, he raised
an eyebrow at me “Okay I’ll drive you” I got to protest but he shut me off “No
excuses, it’s raining, I don’t feel comfortable with you driving in the
weather” He grabbed his keys and I followed him to his car, trying not to get
wet on the way. I didn’t even notice that it was raining until he had told me.
When we got back home it had stopped raining by the time we had gotten home,
Levi stayed in the car because he didn’t want to get wet again, and didn’t
bother questioning what I got after I told him I needed to get tampons which
shut him up surprisingly quite quickly. Levi went up stairs while I stayed down
since no one was down here it was the perfect opportunity to read the back of
the pregnancy test box. I figured it would be exactly the same as what you
usually see in the movies, how disappointing. “What the fuck?!” Yelled,
sounding quiet angry I put the test back in the bag as I run up the stairs and
walk into Eren’s room. Eren was laying on the bed with a manga tented on his
chest, Annie was sitting next to him with drenched hair and wearing nothing but
a T-shirt which looked so big on her, by the looks of it it was Eren’s, and
underwear. How un-lady like, Levi had no clue what to think “What?” Eren was
completely clueless to why Levi was even the slightest bit angry with him.
Annie stood up and smiled, “It started raining really heavily on my way here,
so my clothes were soaked” she explained and Levi nodded as she walked up to me
and grabbed hold of my arm pulling her down the hall to my room. How in the
hell she knew where my room was, was beyond me but I didn’t bother questioning
it. “Does this make you feel uncomfortable?” her smile grew when she looked
over at me, and I was guessing I was most likely blushing. Only because you
look so sexy like this, “No, of course not.” Shutting the door behind me I put
the pharmacy bag on my dresser and followed Annie over to where she was going
through stuff on my desk, god she’s quick to look through things it’s like
she’s never hear of privacy. “Could you not?” I growl annoyed at how nosey she
was, I look over her shoulder and she was going through one of my art books. I
hadn’t really cared much until she flipped to the page in which I had decided
to draw her one class, feeling annoyed again at how she smirked, “You know your
a good drawer Ackerman” looking over her shoulder her face was plain, no
expression what so ever. Sighing I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her
closer to me, and she put her hands over mine, god they are freezing cold. “You
change moods quickly” she pointed out and I squeeze her waist a bit tighter, I
already knew this without her pointing it out, not only do I have depression
and paranoid personality disorder, I also have a really bad case of switch
personality, which comes and goes a lot, but with the depression I guess that’s
just normal.
Her breathing became faster making me smile, I pull her over to the bed and
climb on top of her lifting her chin win my pointer and thumb, she kept a
straight face but her breathing gave her away, I lean down and kiss her I
needed this, I needed her right now. Annie pushed me away and looked up at me
sadly, “Mikasa, why are you crying?” Lifting a hand to my cheek they feel wet,
I hadn’t even been aware that I was crying until she pointed it out. “I’m
sorry” I sobbed remembering what had happened before I went out, I tried
distracting my thoughts until now but I just broke and I was now letting myself
cry freely. Annie sat up and just watched me as I cried, she didn’t seem
annoyed or sad herself she was just, straight faced no emotion again, she
waited me out till I stopped crying still staring at me blankly.The room fell
into silence which felt like hours but in reality was only a few minutes, until
I decide to make the first move and break the silence “I’m sor-”
“Ackerman” She said firmly in a cold tone, “Shut up.” I froze surprised at her
tone, and her expression instantly softened when she saw the hurt look on my
face, she sighed and stood up walking back over to the self where I keep all my
movies, going through them picking out Pacific Rim and walking back over to the
T.V looking really confused she started pressing random sections on my
PlayStation four, “Where the hell is the on button?” she groaned angrily at the
console.
Giggling a little to myself I get up and turn on the PlayStation, “Its not a
button, It’s a sensor,” not being able to help myself I begin to laugh again,
“Oh shut up I’m use to an X-box, PlayStation is garbage,” seeing her frustrated
over not being able to turn on a machine was kind of funny, just before she was
so nonchalant and now she’s frustrated. “Actually PlayStation is the ideal
console for anime fans, since anime games or just Asian games in general are
most of the time PlayStation exclusives, and what does X-box have that a PS
doesn’t? Halo?”
“You can’t play Gears of War on a PS or Rise of the Tomb Raider” I was kind of
surprised at how much of a gamer nerd she actually was she didn’t exactly seem
like one at all. “That’s were your wrong Rise of the Tomb Raider is only a
limited time X-box exclusive it’s getting released on the Ps4 in half a year or
so” Smirking at the look of defeat on Annie’s face I walk over to my cupboard
and pull out two bean bags and drag them over in front of the T.v, grabbing my
console then plonking myself down on one of the beanbags my legs spread out in
front of me. Annie followed me over and sat down between my legs and leaning
her back against my chest, head rested against the crook of my neck grabbing my
arms and wrapping them around her waist.
Fuck Fuck Fuck. This can’t be happening, she’s doing this on purpose to get me
worked up I just know it. I shake it off the best I can and start up the movie,
ignoring how fast my heart was beating right now, which no doubt Annie could
already feel. I take a peak over at her face and as I expected she was grinning
the freaking Cheshire cat himself, which was slightly disturbing and also
creepy. And frankly her smugness was kind of pissing me off as of late, I wince
a sharp pain shooting through the lower half of my body, reminding me of how
much my ass hurt but I didn’t want to let on that I was in any pain in case
Annie started to question it. And I would be in trouble then. I rested head
against hers which made the blonde nuzzle herself into my neck even more, her
hair was surprisingly soft, and even smelt amazing. God I was getting
intoxicated... by Annie, the bitch I use to get into arguments all through
middle school with, this wasn’t good. Sure I already knew I had fallen for her,
I’ve fallen for her stubbornness, and ignorance, her annoying smug grin she
carries when ever she held something over me, her scent, how cold her skin was
and how cold and emotionless her eyes are usually even when she’s smirking, but
most of all I’ve fallen for her because she’s Annie. She’s the Annie I hate to
love and love to hate. She’s Annie the same Annie she’s always been but some
how she’s different, but I just can’t put my finger on it.
Towards the end of the movie Annie started to mumble nothing that made any
sense, I slowly shift so I can look at her face and she was fast asleep. I
grunt and contemplate how in the hell I’m going to get up without waking her.
Eventually I managed to get up and carry her to my bed all without disturbing
her, I sigh and quietly slip out of my room and quietly shut the door behind
me. I hear another soft click of a closing door to my right and look over to
see Levi, slipping out of Eren’s room. He looks over to me and sighs “Coffee?”
he asked walking up to me, I nod and follow him down the stairs. I sat down at
the marble kitchen counter and watched as Levi turned on the jug, the silence
broken by the sound coming from the jug. “How close are you to Eren?” I finally
asked after some debate, Levi kept his back to me and rested his hands on the
counter, “Close enough that I could lose my job and get thrown in prison for
being a paedophile” I’d known about their relationship for a while now but
never really paid much attention to it until recently. I didn’t want to tell
him not to do it, it was kind of weird having both of my brothers dating but
then again I’m happy they are happy. “What about you and Annie?” The jug
stopped boiling and he started to pour the water into our cups stirring it
gently, “Leonhardt and I? God no” I scoffed, Levi turned around and placed my
coffee down in front of me, although him and I were brother and sister we were
the complete opposites of each other, for example I drink coffee while he
drinks tea.
“You try to hide it like its not already obvious.” I raise an eyebrow at him,
“What do you mean?”
“Mikasa... I’m twenty nine, I’m no idiot I know when someone is in love” He
shook his head and took a sip of his tea. Was it really that obvious? I scull
my coffee to get out of any more awkward convocations, putting the mug in the
dishwasher. “Goodnight Levi,” I didn’t wait around for a response and made my
way up to my room quickly, trying to avoid bumping into Grisha on the way as
well. I slip into my room quietly in hopes not to wake Annie, and shut the door
behind me. “What’s this?” Annie’s voice startling me, making me jump it was
that dark I didn’t even notice she was awake and nor could I see that much
myself, “Shit you scared me” My eyes finally start to adjust to the dark and I
can now see where Annie was standing. “Answer me” her tone made my stomach
sink, I walk to where she is and notice she was holding a small box in her
hand. It wasn’t until my eyes adjusted properly that I could see what It was,
my blood runs cold at the site of Annie holding the pregnancy test box up.
Shit.
***** Positive *****
Chapter Notes
     Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. I had a little bit of
     writers block and couldn't figure out what to write. Also why this
     chapter isn't that long, I couldn't really think of anything to
     extend on and just wanted to get this chapter up
Annie’s POV
Mikasa stared back at me in shock frozen still, she opened her mouth a few
times to go say something but shuts it again instantly. I wanted to be mad at
her, but I just couldn’t be, it wasn’t her fault if she was pregnant I know
that but still. I throw the box at Mikasa and she catches it, looking down at
the box then up at me, “Go, use it. I want to know the results” I tried to
sound less angry, but Mikasa still had on a shameful look as she walked
hesitantly to the en-suite and shutting the door behind her. It killed me
seeing her so upset and I don’t even know why, why the fuck do I care all of a
sudden? This was all just a joke to get back at her for how she was in primary,
so why do I feel like that’s not the only reason I’m doing this anymore.
Walking over to the raven’s bedside table I flick on the lamp and sit down on
the bed waiting for Mikasa, who was taking surprisingly long. After six minutes
I got impatient and barged into the bathroom, I hear quiet sobbing but from
where? I couldn’t see her anywhere. I walk further into the bathroom and Mikasa
was curled up on herself on the side of the basin opposite to the one as you
walk in, she had a towel bunched up in her lap muffling her crying and I feel
my stomach sink.
Looking around for the test I spot it in her hand the side that didn’t show the
results in fisted hand, I walk over to her hesitantly and pull it out of her
hand startling her, “No please, don’t look at it.” I completely ignore her and
look anyway, feeling sick at the result. Positive. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry
Annie” her crying intensifies and I lower myself down to her level, she was
shaking so much it hurt seeing her like this. I snake my left arm underneath
her knees and my right under her arms, lifting her up with no trouble I carry
her out to her bedroom and lower her down onto her bed.
She sat up but her crying didn’t stop, no human could treat a girl like this an
not feel pity at all, I swear when I find out who did this I will make them
regret it. I was caught of guard when the raven crawled over to me and buried
her face into the crook of my neck, I could feel a smile tug onto her face as I
wrapped an arm around he waist. “You smell really nice” She said out loud, and
I could feel my cheeks burning up because of the comment, “Annie?” Her voice
came out soft and shaky from crying, I hum telling her that I heard her, “I
think I’ve fallen for you” she whispers into my ear sending a shiver down my
spine.
Gripping her shoulders I pull her away so I can look at her, Mikasa’s eyes were
red from crying and she had on a straight face, which reassured me she wasn’t
lying. She looked away from me trying to avoid looking in my eyes, as I stared
back at her. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about her, if I loved her or hated
her I wasn’t sure, I was still trying to figure that out, still trying to
figure out if I was actually lesbian or not. I was deep in thought when I got
roughly pushed back, my back slamming onto the bed, Mikasa’s towering form
hovering above me as I still blinked in confusion to what had just happened.
Hesitantly she lowered her face down to mine and butterfly kissed me on the
lips, then burying her face into my neck. Sighing I lay my head back and look
up at the ceiling, her hand gabbing mine in which I didn’t think much about
until she placed my hand on something soft and squishy. Not paying much
attention to where my hand was I squeeze what ever was in my hand, earning a
moan from the girl on top of me, bringing me to realise where my hand was. I go
to snatch my hand away but she quickly holds it in place. “Please” she begged
into my ear, I could feel my face flush and something funny happened to my
stomach. “I can’t do this, not after what you’ve been through recently” Pushing
her away she looked at me with sad eyes. “That’s why I want you to do it. I can
feel him on me... a-and I-I don’t want that anymore.”
Suddenly I understood why she wanted me to do it. Some how she thinks me doing
this will erase what he did, get the feeling of that pig off her. I grab hold
of her shoulders and flip us so she’s underneath me. “I won’t have sex with
you, I can’t. Not while your like this. But I think there is something else I
can do that may work the same,” She looked slightly disappointed but still
nodded never the less, “But I’m going to need you to take of your shirt and
pants is that okay?” Confusion was written on her face but she nodded again and
raised her hips so she could get her pants off, and then threw them on the
floor along with her shirt.
Just like before she was covered in bruises, cuts, burns, hickies and quite a
few scars on her thighs and hips almost unnoticeable over the on her leg cuts
on her thighs. It was saddening, and made me depressed by just looking at them.
The raven laid then head turned to the side into the pillow, I take hold of her
arm and turn it over to the side the cuts were on and kiss them lightly.
Starting with the cuts, then the bruises and burns, until I’ve kissed the marks
on her body. When I look back up at Mikasa she there were tear stains on her
cheeks and her eyes were watery. I grab hold of the blanket and pull it over
her ducking under it myself and pulling her closer to me, eventually she
cuddled up against me getting comfortable and then soon going still again.
“What are you going to do from here?” I whisper to her, she shrugged “I don’t
know. I don’t even want the fucking thing.” I could understand why she didn’t
want it, but wasn’t referring to it as a thing a little harsh, I mean it can’t
help who’s it’s father is. “So you’re going to have an abortion?” I was met
with silence and I assume that she was ignoring me, until she started to
lightly snore. I sigh, I had to admit I was tired but somehow I don’t think I’d
be getting to sleep any time soon.
The bright sun light pierced through my eyelids waking me up, somehow I must
have fallen asleep last night but god knows when I was able to. In my sleep I
had rolled over and was facing the window, what a pain in my ass. I sit up and
yawn, taking a look next to me to find that Mikasa had disappeared, and she was
no where in her room either. Groaning as I lift myself off the bed I notice my
clothes were sitting folded at the end of the bed. I quickly get changed into
my clothes and hang Eren’s shirt on the back of the chain at the desk.
Then walking towards the en suite to check if Mikasa’s might be in there, I
open the door and peek inside and there she was in the middle of the bathroom
drying her hair with nothing on, seeing her without clothes on leads me to
wonder why she’s so self conscious when she has an hour glass figure, and the
perfect amount of muscle, but she really needs to get a lock for the bathroom
door. Mikasa looked over towards the open door and squealed crouching into a
ball trying to cover herself, “Don’t you know how to knock?!” She yelled, her
face strawberry pink from embarrassment trying to avoid eye contact as best as
possible. “I have the same parts you have, there’s no need to be embarrassed.”
She shot a glare at me and awkwardly wrapped a towel around herself and finally
stood up.
“That’s not the point, not everyone is as proud of their body as you are,” I
scoff at her and walk up behind her, “What’s there to be ashamed of? I’ve
already seen you half naked, and there’s nothing wrong with your body from what
I can tell.” Mikasa spins around to face me, backing up once she realises how
close I am to her and bumps into the basin. She clenches onto her towel tightly
as if she’s afraid it might fall off if she lets go. I roll my eyes “Fine I’ll
go” I say then turn and leave the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. She’s
the one who wanted to have sex last night, and now she’s pushing me out of a
bathroom just because I saw her naked.
I walk up to her desk and sit down on the chair, she didn’t have a computer or
anything like that on the desk, it just seemed to be random pages of sketches
on them. The desk draws were all filled with colour pencils, charcoal pencils,
paints, clay, sculpting tools and all other art stuff. I had always knew she
was into art but I never knew she was this heavily into it, I mean she’s the
top of the class for art of course but still. I pull open the last draw and
pull out the art book that was on top of a stack of more art books and start to
flip through it. It was the one I was looking at yesterday before she snatched
it away from me and put it away, that was strange, in fact she’s strange
everything about her is strange.
The bathroom door opens and I look over my shoulder, Mikasa was drying her hair
with a towel. I turn back around and continue to flip through her art book, she
seemed to like doing landscapes and people a lot, sometimes the occasional
animal popped it’s way into her book. Next to all her drawings were realistic,
it was amazing really, how much detail she could manage to do, when I struggle
with animals style sometimes. I flipping through her book one drawing in
particular catches my eye. It was a drawing of me, only the slightest bit
creepy. I feel a weight on my shoulders and look behind me, Mikasa’s face
inches away from mine, I turn back around so things didn’t get anymore awkward
than what they just were.
She was a talented at drawing but seriously why did she draw me? Exactly how
long has she been having these feelings for me. That’s what I want to know. The
weight is lifted off my shoulders as Milaca hangs up her towel behind her door,
I shut the art book and return it back to its original place and stand up. “I
should probably head home” I state plainly, I get a silent nod from Mikasa and
I turn to leave as something grabs hold of my wrist spinning me back around.
The force of the pulling get made me bump into Mikasa, as she let’s go of my
wrist she leans down and cups my face, “Leaving without a good bye kiss? That’s
cruel even for you.” Her voice was stern but still soft, catching me completely
off guard, what game was she playing at here?
She places a soft kiss on may lips, and then pulls away smirking at me. My face
flushes and I can feel the heat in my cheeks, I once again pull away saying a
quick goodbye and leave her room shutting the door behind me.
***** Confessions *****
Chapter Summary
     WARNING: Smut included in this chapter, and other sexual scenes.
     Don't like don't read.
     I'm so sorry I haven't posted in a LONG time, I was having trouble
     thinking of what to write or more like how to write it... Anyways
     hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Love you all XX
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Mikasa’s Pov
Deep down I was hoping Annise would stay longer, I was kind of disappointment
how early she left. I wanted to spend the day with her but I guess she must of
had something she needed to do. Shrugging it off I make my way over to Eren’s
room, opening the door and walking in, to my surprise Levi wasn’t a anywhere to
be seen. And as always Eren’s was still asleep. I shaken his shoulder slightly
and say him name trying to wake him up, but he just shooed my hand away, I try
again calling his name louder this time and start to shake him a little bit
harder. I grunt and turn to leave but he grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me
down onto the bed with him, I look up to see if he’s awake but find he’s still
asleep, God he’s a worry some times. “Levi” he mumbles in his sleep, he snakes
an arm around my waist to pull me closed to him, my face buried into his chest.
We use to sleep together a lot when we were younger since Eren was a bit of an
idiot and always scared himself by watching horror movies before bed. Meaning
he would always been scared and come to sleep with me. Also when I first got
adopted into the Jaeger family I was sad a lot due to my parents death so Eren
would sleep with me so I wouldn’t be lonely. I can’t be bothered to try and get
myself out of his grip right now so I just give in and close my eyes, I was
still so tired, and the sound of his heartbeat is also making me so calm and
sleepy again. I hope Levi doesn’t walk in and get the wrong idea. I listen to
the sound of his heart beating before I give up on trying to stay awake and
fall back asleep cuddled up against Eren.
Eren’s started to stir in his sleep and rolled over waking me up straight away,
I lay still for a few more seconds before slowly getting up off the bed, while
trying to disturb Eren. Looking at my phone it was already eleven, which makes
me shocked Eren’s still fast asleep, then again knowing Levi he probably kept
him up all night. I smile to myself and walk out of Eren’s bedroom into mine.
Instantly my stomach drops as I open the door, Grisha was standing at my
dresser holding the pregnancy test. My skin tingles and I all of a sudden feel
as if I just got thrown in the freezer, he turns to me and gives me a sadistic
smile. “Close the door and come here. Won’t you?” I hesitantly close the door
behind me and walk up to him, my hands trembling at my sides.
“You know what I absolutely hate Mikasa?” the way my name rolled off his tongue
made me sick to my stomach, just the sound of him saying my name is enough to
make me want to cower in a corner, “W-what?” I asked hesitantly, I didn’t want
to know what he was going to say but I didn’t have much of a choice, maybe if I
obey him he’ll just leave me alone for once. He put the test back down on my
dresser and looked me up and down “Homosexuals, they are the scum of this
world. Filthy creatures they are, absolutely vile, every last one of them will
burn in hell where they belong.” He took a step closer to me and gripped my
chin with his index and thumb, tilting it up to look at him, “And to think that
you have committed such a sin disgusts me, you didn’t think I’d find out did
you? You thought you could hide it from me. Well guess what? I have my was of
finding stuff out.”
“So rape isn’t a sin to you? Do you think that just because your a man that you
can use my body when ever you want? Your the filthy one he-” I fall backwards a
sharp pain in my gut, I hit the ground and I had to time to react before
another blow hit me, and another and another, he stood above me with a savage
look in his eyes repetitively kicking me in the gut. He crouched down and
grabbed a fist full of my hair jerking my head up roughly. “Don’t fucking speak
to me like that every again” he then let go of my hair sending my head down
smashing into the ground as he left my room angrily.
My whole body hurt, and I didn’t want to move in fear of it only hurting even
more. I wanted Annie, I wanted her so badly. I reach for my phone and scroll
down to her contact and press call, the dull dial tone rung through my ears and
I was starting to lose hope in her ever picking up. Waiting a bit longer it
went straight to voice message, I bit my lip in an attempt to prevent myself
from crying. Taking a deep breath I slowly lift myself up pain shooting through
my body like wild fire, I grab the bag I had prepared encase I ever needed to
leave in a rush, and dash down the stairs and out the door without getting
noticed.
It took me half and hour to get to Annie’s place since I’m in such terrible
pain, I knock on her door and hope to God she’s home. All I could hear inside
the house was music playing from what seemed like upstairs and a faint buzzing
sound. The door swung open not to long after I knocked and I immediately throw
myself onto her, on to her for dear life. “Mikasa... what’s wrong? What are you
doing here?” hearing her ask ‘what’s wrong’ makes me start to shake again and
start to cry. “I’m never going back, I don’t want to go back. Please don’t make
me” I sob into her clinging onto her hoodie tightly, she soon wrapped her arms
around me and guided me into her bedroom. “Mikasa please tell me what’s wrong”
Annie looks at me with an alarmed expression, me showing up randomly like this
must of come as a surprise for her. She sat me down on her bed and then sat
next to me, “It was my adoptive father” I speak up avoiding eye contact with
her. “What do you mean?” she asks, making my stomach drop again, “He’s... the
one who’s been abusing me” Annie goes silent and just gives me a ghostly look
almost as if she can’t believe it.
“That filthy fucking bastard” she spat her face twisting into anger, suddenly I
start to regret telling her, what if she goes and hits him or threatens him.
Then I’d pay for it for sure. But what I didn’t expect was for her to dive
forward and embrace me tightly. “I won’t let him hurt you ever again” Annie
whispers into my ear, I stiffen at how tightly she was holding me. It was
hurting my bruises and cuts, I let out a small whimper and she immediately
loosens her grips and pulls away “I’m so sorry, I forgot.” She says simply, but
I shake my head trying to tell her it was okay.
Annie looked down and her eyes darkened, which scared me it was scary how
quickly she could change moods. “W-What’s wrong?” my voice is shaky and
hesitant, I was afraid of what was going on in her mind but at the same time I
wanted to know, and I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to know. Annie looks up
at me her eyes slightly glossed over, “What you asked of me last night. Do you
still want to?” although she looked as if she were looking straight at me I
knew for a fact she was looking past me, she is avoiding eye contact with me at
all costs. It was unusual of her, when ever she’s talked to me before she’s
always looked me straight in the eyes. Almost as if she was trying to read my
mind, find out what I was thinking.
I look puzzled for a second but then pause as I finally register what she was
talking about, she was talking about last night when I asked her to have sex
with me. I turn a deep shade of crimson and look away when I feel her looking
straight at me. “W-well, I... I um...” I almost couldn’t believe what I had
said last night to her, I mean sure I wanted to but for me to say it out loud
is just... beyond embarrassing.
The bed sunk and I looked up to see Annie on all fours examining my face, she
closed her eyes for a second as she moved her fringe out of her face. My heart
started to race and my stomach and chest felt weird, as if butterflies were
fluttering around inside me. I look away and try to not pay attention to how
sexy she looked in that position and how her shirt tugged down revealing her
cleavage. “Stop l-looking at m-me”
Annie’s POV
Mikasa squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment, her tan skin was flushed and I
could sense how fast her heart was beating. She definitely wanted this alright,
it was so obvious, from her body language to how she pressed her thighs tightly
together. I edge closer and lick the shell of her ear making her visibly
shiver, and a whine erupting from deep in her throat “Tell me to stop if t
becomes to much, for you okay?” I wait until she gives a small nod before I
gently push on her shoulders, pushing her down onto the bed. She still tries to
evade eye contact with me clearly shy. Seeing her like this right now she is
actually quite adorable... wait what. What the hells wrong with me? I don’t
like her I’m just doing all this for fun, I don’t actually like her... do I?
“Annie, wait” Mikasa said pulling me out of thought, but before I had time to
respond she has already pinned me down on the bed, pinning my hands above my
head with one hand. I try pulling my hands out of her great but it was all for
nothing, she had an iron grip on my wrists, it didn’t hurt but the sudden
change in her expression rather startled me. Her eyes contain that same look
she held in the court yard at school, it was terrifying how quickly her
expression could change.
Keeping her grip on my wrists she leaned down and bit my neck, I jump at the
sudden pain and to my surprise a small moan slips past my lips. Mikasa grinned
sadistically, a look that makes my stomach flutter, the feeling in my stomach
was making me uncomfortable but at the same time I kind of liked it. Her spare
hand moves itself from down over my shoulders, past my collar bone and resting
perfectly on top of my right breast, she looked me straight in the eyes then
started to grope my breast sending this sensation through my body straight to
the pit of my stomach.
Frustration starts to build up as I yearn for more, I want her to touch me even
more. I bit my lip hard and try to hide my face, Mikasa must have seen how
frustrated I am as she let’s go of my wrists and pulls my shirt off
effortlessly. Then reaches around and unclips my brain just as fast, I quickly
cover myself starting to feel even more self continuous. Is it because I’m not
in control anymore? Or is it because I’m afraid lot what she’ll think of me
when she sees me naked. Hands gently cup the tops of mine and I look up to see
Mikasa looking at me with a gentle smile, “Annie, it’s okay.” I let her pull my
hands away from my chest completely exposing my breasts, I can’t bring myself
to look at her as she stares at them, my chest has always been on the smaller
size and while I don’t let it get to me, deep down I wish they were bigger.
Guys always go for the girls with big perky boobs not girls with small ones.
The raventte leans down and takes one of my already erect nippers between her
teeth and runs her tongue over the bud, I can’t stop myself from moaning loudly
as the pleasure runs through my body, and I begin to notice how hot my lower
region feels. Her hand makes her way to my other breast and starts to pinch and
tease at my nipple, hearing how much I’m enjoying the attention to my nipple
she nips my right nipple a little harder. But to my surprise I the pain was
making me even more aroused. “M-Mika-saaa!” I shamelessly moan out her name,
immediately realising what I had done I froze and so did Mikasa.
She pulls away from my breasts and looms over me almost as if examining me, I
reach up and intertwine my fingers in her messy black hair, pulling her down to
my lips. This kiss was different from the others though, it sent an
unexplainable electric shock through me, keeping her lips are locked on mine
she gently runs her nails down my stomach stopping at the waist band of my
jeans, without hesitation she dove her hand inside my jeans and in my panties
her hand halting to cup my crotch, I quickly pull away from the kiss in shock
“w-w-wait M-Mikasa not there” she tilts her head at me and runs her fingers
between the lips of my pussy then pulling her hand out of my jeans. To my shock
her fingers were laced with a kind of clear gooey liquid, “But Annie your so
wet” my body stiffens surprised at how my body is reacting to all this. But
how’s that possible it’s not like I’m enjoying this or anything... am I? Mikasa
grins down at me and brings her fingers to her lips licking the substance off
her fingers, my stomach flips again and I blush as she licks her lips when she
is finished.
Just before she was underneath me blushing and acting all embarrassed, but now
she’s like a completely different person, It’s almost scary how quickly she
changed. “You know Annie, you taste so good,” the statement made my stomach
flip again. “Stop it!” I can’t stand to look at her anymore, I’m so embarrassed
I could die. I roll over onto my stomach and burry my face into the pillows,
and to my surprise Mikasa doesn’t attempt to stop me or complain, instead she
wraps her strong arms around my waist and hoists me up on my knees, my hips
positioned up in the air. As embarrassing as it is I’m so horny right now that
I don’t both resisting.
I lift myself up onto my hands and look back at the raven who is working on
unbuttoning my jeans, when she finally pops the button out of the loop she
pulls down the zip followed by pulling my jeans down to my ankles. She bits her
bottom lip as soon as she pulls down my underwear, my hearts beating is so fast
it almost feels as if it’s going to burst through my chest, I’m completely
exposed to her. Suddenly the room falls into silence, and I start to feel even
more self-conscious. Is there something wrong with my body? Maybe she doesn’t
like it and is disgusted by it. A harsh pain erupts from my lower back, and I
jolt forward moaning at the strange tingling between my legs. I stiffen as I
realise what she just did, she smacked me. I can instantly feel Mikasa smirking
behind me, as I lower down my front half and burry my face in the pillow again,
bracing myself to be smacked again. And once again the stinging pain brought me
pleasure, as she smacked me again, again and again, my moans muffled from the
pillow but I’m sure she heard them all to well.
Before I have a chance to catch my breath the raven slowly slides a finger
inside me, the feeling is unreal and is completely different from when I touch
myself. She lets it rest inside me for a few seconds then starts to pump in and
out of me, I clutch the sheets tightly at the pleasure filling my body, “M-M-
ikas-aaaa!” Hearing me moan her name she adds another finger, and starts to use
her thumb to rub circles around my clit. She leans over my body as lightly
rests herself on top of me, her breasts pushed against my back and I can feel
her heart beat on my back. I turn my head to the side, to look up at her, and
sure enough she was already looking at me. I reach up with one hand and thread
it into her head, then pull her down to my lips rolling over onto my back to
make it more comfortable to kiss her. Mikasa pushes her tongue into my mouth
and twirls it around mine, I release a throaty groan as she speeds up her
movements and pushes a third finger deep inside me.
My hips start to twitch on their own as this wave of pleasure washes over me, I
pull away from the kiss and moan loudly my head, pushing back into the pillow
until the ecstasy completely disappears. I try to catch my breath, my heart
beating harder than what it was before. The bed shifts as Mikasa rolls of me
onto the bed, resting on her side. A soft, kind touch brushes away the hair out
of my face, “I love you Annie.” She says quietly almost as if she was afraid to
say it out loud, I roll over onto my side and pull her closers to me. “I love
you too.” But this time.... I actually meant it.
Chapter End Notes
     please feel free to leave a comment if you have any suggestions on
     what you want to happen and i'll see what i can do.
***** Instant Regrets *****
Chapter Notes
     I know it's short and it's been forever. Schools been hectic, but at
     least I passed the year. Just one more left. Hope you enjoy this
     regrettably short chapter.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Annie’s POV
Tonight is the night of the Halloween dance and I’m a little less than exactly
thrilled about the event. I much rather want to go to the house party Reiner is
throwing, since his parents are out of the house for the week and agreed to the
plan. It was sort of a last minute plan but numbers certainly won’t be a
problem. Besides most teenagers would much rather go to a party in which
there’s alcohol, even if it’s on a Monday night.
I slouch down in my seat and hang my head backwards, Geography was an absolute
bore as usual, and when are we even going to need all this bullshit out in the
real world? Oh that’s right never. I look over beside me and Hitch wasn’t
paying attention either as per usual, my phone buzzes in my lap and I look down
to see that Hitch sent me a message.
 
‘How’s it going with the dyke?’ I sigh and shake my head, she always just has
to know everything that’s going on in my life. I quickly type back my reply and
look over at her, and find her grinning at me.
‘Going as planned, she’s fallen right into my trap’ I hesitate sending the
message, but then push back the thoughts running through my mind and press the
send button.
 
Over the weekend after Mikasa left I had time to think about the whole
situation. Is it really love that I feel for her, or is it just me being really
good at pretending, and have just fallen into a smooth rhythm with the act? In
the end I decided to push away what ever I was feeling, all of this was just a
way to amuse myself since nothing else interesting was happening at the moment.
The only way to really be sure of my feelings is to kiss someone else, and have
an affair with someone else. Maybe then I’ll be able to set things straight.
My phone buzzed again but this time it wasn’t from Hitch, it was from
Bertholdt, asking me to meet him and Reiner at the boys locker room. Then it
dawned on me since Reiner likes Bertholdt, in which I’m assuming he’s either
gay or bi, there should be no harm done if I kiss him to see if I’m actually
gay or not. And knowing him he’s most likely not going to say no if it’s for
that reason.
 
The bell rings and I hastily rush out of the classroom and into the crowded
hallway, people spilling out of their classrooms and quickly rushing out into
the hall. I push my way through the crowd of people making my way over to the
boys locker room, but as soon as I get there I only see Reiner, Bertholdt
nowhere in sight. “Where’s Bert?” I ask looking into the locker room which
reeked of sweat, but strangely enough still no sign of Bertholdt. “He told us
to go ahead to where we usually hang out and he’ll meet us there. He said he
has something he needs to take care of first, but I have no clue what it could
be” Reiner shrugs and we start walking to our usual place. “Guess we’ll just
have to ask him when he gets back then. If he’s willing to tell us that is.” I
sigh, Bertholdt has been acting a little off lately but whenever I ask he just
brushes it off.
 
As soon as we enter the room I slump down to the ground, grunting slightly as I
lean my head back against the wall, Reiner sits down next to me and gives me a
long stare. “What?” I groan, slightly agitated at the look he’s giving me, like
he’s trying to look inside me to figure out what’s wrong. I hate it when he
does that. “Somethings bothering you” He plainly says, as I shift my weight
onto my hands and climb into his lap. “Just help me forget” I give no warning
before I wrap my arms around her broad, muscular shoulders and press my lips
against his.
 
Reiner makes no move to stop me and instead just sits there and lets me do as I
wish, but finally realise that the kiss doesn’t bring me no where near the
feeling as kissing Mikasa does. Frustrated I pull away and lean my forehead on
his shoulder, frustrated with myself mainly but also a little with Mikasa. “Is
this about Mikasa?” I give him a small grunt in reply, not particularly wanting
to talk about how I feel about her and what happened on the weekend, “You’ve
fallen for her.”
“I don’t want to like her.”
“But you do.” He was right, despite the fact that I didn’t want to love her I
did, and the pain in my chest hurt even more now, knowing for certain how I
feel about her. Not to mention the whole thing with her adoptive father is
still on my mind, it’s my responsibility to tell at least Levi what’s been
going on but then that would be like betraying her.
 
“Am I interrupting anything?” startled Reiner and I look up at Bertholdt
standing in the doorway. Embarrassed I shoot up out of Reiner’s lap, snatching
up my bag and dart out of the room, pushing past Bertholdt as I walk out. Once
outside of the room I lean against the wall and take in a big breath then
breath out. I almost jumped out of my skin when he walked in, that was more
than just a little embarrassing.
It scares me to wonder what was going through Bertholdt’s when he walked in on
Reiner and I like that. I shrink down onto the ground, my knees pulled up to my
chest and rest my forehead atop. What was I thinking… I already know how I feel
and yet I’m still second guessed myself. I guess it’s because in a way I don’t
want to love her and yet I do, I try not to get feelings for her and yet a do.
 
“Are you just going to stand there and say nothing, Mikasa” I don’t have to
look up to know who It was, the pattern in which she walked were enough of an
indication for me. I turn my head to the side and look up at the raven haired
girl, she was paler than usual and seemed to be acting weird. She only seems
slightly shocked that I knew it was her, but the shock is still written on her
pale white face. “What’s wrong?” her eyes snapped into contact with mine,
something was definitely off, but she just shakes her head and smiles timidly,
“Nothing.” It was obviously a lie but I don’t push her to tell me anymore,
can’t be bothered too really.
I stand up and brush myself off, “You coming to Reiner’s place tonight, for the
Halloween party?” Her eyes avert to the ground and she starts to scuff her feet
against the concrete, “Am I really going to be all that welcome there?” She has
a fair point, a lot of the people going are people who have no interest in her
or dislike her. I frown up at her but she keeps her gaze on the ground.
“Everyone’s going to be so drunk that none of that stuff will matter anyways,
besides they all mellow down when they drink, they tend to be less… well,
mean.”
 
Mikasa let’s out a huff of air then looks over towards me, “Fine but only for a
little bit, if anything happens I’m out of there straight away.” I nod in
agreement as she pushed off the wall she was leaning against and turns on her
heels, “See you then I guess.” A two tone vibration goes off in my pocket
instantly pulling my phone from my pocket, turning it on a message pops up
immediately from Hitch. ‘Did you manage to convince the Tramp to come tonight?’
my stomach sinks at the message, I knew from the minute I asked her that
something would most definitely happen to her at this party. I shouldn’t care
the way I do but I still can’t stop this feeling from submerging within, I bite
back my feelings and type back a reply pressing the send button. I shove my
phone back into my pocket grabbing my bag and walk off.
 
‘Yes’
Chapter End Notes
     Spoiler - A lot of stuff is going to go down next chapter
***** Little orange bottle *****
Chapter Notes
     Yeah I'm a horrible person, I honestly have no excuse for not
     updating apart from the fact that i was planning on dropping this
     fanfiction. But some people actually seem to like this crap of mine
     soooo here I am.
Mikasa POV
The music was so loud I can barely hear over the droning sound of the base, the
halls dark only illuminated by the Jack-o-lantern shaped lights hanging along
the wall. Anxiety swells in my chest as I make my way through the crowd,
desperately looking for someone I know. Pushing myself through the crowd I find
Eren engaged in convocation with Reiner, a large red plastic cup in his hand
filled with a pinkish liquid filled with what looked like jelly spiders and
sour worms.
Eren notices me within record time and waves me over, handing me one of the red
cups on the table behind me. I stare down at the strange liquid watching as the
spiders float to the top while the worms sink to the bottom of the plastic cup.
I take a sip of the unknown liquid, which leaves a warm sensation in my throat
as it goes down, the taste isn't awful but isn't exactly fantastic in saying
that, not to mention the gummies in the drink which press against my lip every
time I take a drink. The drink doesn't have the best of tastes, it leaves a
lasting aftertaste and burns on the way down my throat, despite this I keep
drinking it anyway.
I desperately search the room for someone I know, Armin decided against coming
of course, he said being in a room full of drunk teenagers, in which he didn't
like, wasn't his idea of fun. Krista got dragged along to the likes of Ymir,
although I get along fine with Krista, Ymir is a bit intense at times, not
exactly a bad person per say but not exactly a good one either. In the end I
decide against staying close to Eren and make my way through the already drunk
crowd to a quieter part of the house, a room in which didn't have very many
people and no one I particularly disliked. Marco, who just so happened to be
sitting on one of three large couches in the room, seemed to be in a similar
situation as I was, I make my way over to where he was sitting and seat myself
next to him. He seems so out of it that I decide to break the silence,
“Jean runoff and leave you by yourself?” He looks up and offers me a smile,
“Seems like it, he went to get a drink but knowing Jean he got distracted with
something… or more like someone” he says face turning saddened for a split
second but was quickly replaced with his usual warm smile. I frown at his
display, it's clear it gets to him but he doesn't have the nerve to say
anything,
“I'm sure he doesn't do it on purpose” I reassure him, which earns me a
slightly shocked expression.
“Are you sure?”
“Jean doesn't seem like the kind of guy to do this stuff intentionally, sure
he's flirty but he I'm sure he doesn't mean anything by it.”
There were a few seconds of silence before the cushions on the couch bounce as
a someone throws themselves down between Marco and I, a little ticked at the
rudeness I go to say something but am soon to realize Jean had finally returned
from wherever he had gone to, which seemed to make Marco happy.
“Nice of you to join us” I greet Jean
“I got caught up with your brother, all I wanted was a drink and he opens his
mouth with another of his smart ass comments. It's like he's out for a fight”
he rants, which in a sense is funny. Those two are always after each other's
throats that it's tiring sometimes,
“And you didn't aggravate the situation?” Marco pokes making Jean go silent.
“Well mostly” he finally says earning a groan from Marco who, with my help, is
always pulling them two apart. We continue on with small talk for a while then
make our way back to the main room of the party to join Reiner and Eren who
have now been joined by, Ymir, Krista, Sasha, Connie and to my surprise Hitch,
but still with no sign of Annie.
“It's nice of you guys to finally join us” Ymir speaks up before anyone else
can, eagerly shoving a glass bottle of an alcoholic beverage into our hands.
Without thinking much of it I pop the cap off and start drinking, well it's
definitely got Vodka in it that's for sure.
“Is it really okay for you to be drinking so much Ackerman?” Hitch commented,
“Does it matter how much I drink?” I query her on her strange comment, it is a
party after all, most people here are here to get drunk. “Oh no not at all, it
would just be a shame if you hurt yourself, or something else” she smiles
slyly, weasly like always I see, but the more I think on it the stranger the
question becomes, but no one in the group seemed to pick up on the strangeness
of the question.
Reiner seemed to be annoyed with Hitch’s presence though, it's common knowledge
that although Annie gets along alright with her that Reiner doesn't, merely
tolerates her because she's Annie's ‘friend’ if you can even call them that.
“Where's Annie by the way?” I ask Reiner who looks at me for a long second
before shrugging,
“Come to think of it I have no clue” Reiner says while looking around the room.
“Speaking of, how was it Ackerman?” Hitch asks in a strange tone, I look at her
puzzled
“How was what?”
“Sex with Annie” she says simply and to the point, making the group go silent
the only noise from the party around us. Chills run down my spine as everyone
looks at me,
“I don't-” I start but am quickly cut off.
“Oh don't play dumb, Annie told me everything. I know how you're suicidal and
tried killing yourself, I know you were raped by your adoptive father and are
currently carrying his child, and most of all I also know that Annie has no
feelings for you whatsoever and was just in it as a bet to see if she could
coax you into having sex with her. Pathetic really, someone shows the slightest
bit of kindness towards you and you just spread your legs and-”
“Hitch that's enough!” Reiner barks making her snicker, everyone still staring
at me in awe as all I can do is stand motionless in the middle of the room.
Everything crashed down on me in a matter of seconds, the truth was out and I
have no place to hide, my body frozen shock. After a few more agonizing seconds
of silence Eren starts laughing nervously,
“You guys really had me there for a second” Eren looks between Hitch, Reiner
while still nervously laughing, but stops laughing as the situation sinks in a
little more,
“It was a joke... right guys?” No answer.
“Reiner? Hitch?” Eren’s voice becomes more frantic, exactly how I knew he would
react, Reiner gives no answer, looking down at the ground in silence, he knew.
Reiner knew all this time what little game Annie was playing at, what they were
all playing at, but he didn't have the nerve to say anything to Annie, to defy
their friendship.
Finally Eren looks at me,
“Mikasa” he makes his way over to me gripping my shoulders in a tight grip,
“Mikasa, please… Say something, tell me it's not true! This is all some sick
joke right?!” his voice picks up and becomes more panicked. I want to be able
to tell him, to say it's just a joke and his reaction was priceless, but I
can't standing here now as the truth came tumbling out from someone else's
mouth. Something I wanted to keep from him, I never wanted him to find out,
that the man that he admired so dearly could do something so unforgivable.
Tears prick my eyes threatening to fall, my breaths becoming shaky as my will
to stop myself breaks, I let the tears fall down my face as Eren’s grip loosens
then drops from my shoulders. I take this opportunity to back away, taking one
small step at a time before breaking into a run, the shouts of the group
calling after me washed out from the music and the screaming in my head, I had
to get out, I had to get away.
I only manage to make my way outside before slamming to the ground, pain erupts
through my body as I fall ass first to the ground,
“Why are you in such a rush?” that voice, that fucking voice, my mind screams
as I look up, tears roll down my face as I'm met with that same face I'd grown
to love over the past few months, hand extended out to help me up. As I make no
movement to accept her help Annie kneels down and starts to brush the tears off
my checks, I almost succumb to the sweet touch before the feeling of betrayal
washes over me once again,
“Don't fucking touch me!” I scream slapping her hand away, catching her off
guard I stumble to my feet and run before Annie has the chance to say anything
else.
I run until my legs feel as though they were carved from brick and my lungs
almost collapse, my mind led me to the one place I felt safe, Levi’s. His
garage is vacant no car in sight, I contemplate leaving before rummaging
through one of the pot plants out the front of the house for the spare key,
finding it in no time. My fingers fumble as I try to get the key inside the
keyhole, eventually getting it in, almost slamming the door open then quickly
locking it behind me. The underlying thought that maybe someone had followed
me, although unlikely, plaguing my mind. I flick the switch beside the door to
light up the room so it wasn't so dark, Levi’s house was simple but tidy and
cozy, slightly glad Levi wasn't home I make my way through the small house and
into the room he kept for me whenever I wished it. It is always easier to hide
what is actually happening then to involve him though, no matter how much it
hurts, no matter how much I want to get away. Suddenly I realise how much of a
bad idea this is, I can't burden Levi more than I already do, Grisha is away on
a business trip as of this afternoon anyways, no one will be home.
Before I realize it my feet had carried me out of Levis’ s house and back home,
“Eren!” I call out with no reply, he must still be at the party. After what
happened I don't particularly want to see him anyway, I don't want to see
anyone, I run my hand up the wood of the handrail leading up the stairs, the
house feels almost eerie with no one around. I make my way into my bathroom
leaning against the sink staring into the mirror. Hot tears roll down my cheeks
as the swelling in my chest becomes more and more painful, I open the vanity
and pull out my anti-depressants I had prescribed to me a few years back but
refused to take them. I sink back down to the ground, pill bottle in hand, a
voice in my head telling me to end the pain, staring down at the small bright
orange bottle laying in my palm. Giving into the voice inside my head I pop the
lid off the bottle, shaking a small palm full of pills into my hand, I stare
down at them one last time before throwing them into my mouth washing them down
with tap water. I turn the tab off then sit on the ledge of my bathtub,
“How could everything go so bad so quickly” I mumble to myself covering my face
with the palms of my hands,
“I trusted her despite everything I knew she'd done to people in the past” I
push myself up from the tub and lean against the sink staring into the mirror,
“I trusted her! How could I be so stupid as to be so ignorant?” I cry throwing
the pill bottle at the wall, before long I become drowsy. My mind becoming a
blur of thoughts, body heavy as my head bobs from the drowsiness and my ears
buzzing, before my vision becomes blotchy, the last thing I remember is my body
crashing back into the tub, before I black out completely.
***** I'll never let you go *****
Chapter Notes
     This has been long put off and I'm sorry for that guys. I have now
     graduated High school so hopefully will have more time to write.
     Anyway please enjoy the last chapter of this story, I would have
     loved to make it longer but I honestly lost my drive to keep going
     with this. My apologies guys.
Annie’s POV
“Don't fucking touch me!”
Pain erupts in my hand as Mikasa slaps away my hand, I stand in silence as she
runs away not even attempting to run after her, how can I after the way she
looked at me. This is what I wanted this is what I had planned to begin with is
what I keep telling myself, so why does this hurt so damn much? Why does it
hurt so much seeing her cry and look at me like I'm a monster, why does it feel
like my heart just got ripped out? I make my way inside Reiner’s house pushing
past crowds of people until someone grabs onto my wrist tightly and tugs me off
to the side,
“Ow hey watch it asshole!” I snap before realizing just who had pulled me to
the side, “Oh it's just you” I say seeing Reiner’s face.
“I hope you are happy with yourself” he snaps straight off the bat,
“I don't know what you are talking about”
“Oh cut the shit Annie I know you were partially behind what Hitch did, are you
fucking out of your mind? Do you seriously care that little about everyone
around-”
“I've fallen in love with her okay! I don't know how but amongst the bullshit
of this game I fell in love with her” Reiner falls silently biting his lip.
“Then why weren't you honest? You could have called it all off with Hitch the
second things got serious, but you didn't, it's all on you Annie.” I fall
silent, even the party going on around me seems to be washed out in my mind, I
let his words roll around in my head, he was right I couldn't deny that, this
was my fault but it's beyond fixing now. Over the thoughts running through my
head and the loud booming music of the party I hear someone calling out my
name, to my surprise Eren starts pushing through the crowd to get to me,
“Have you seen Mikasa? I can't find her anywhere and she's not answering her
mobile” he says finally close enough for me to hear over the music, I shake my
head guilty Eren has gotten dragged into this mess, “She left as soon as I got
here… I don't think she had any intentions of coming back” I grip the back on
my hand, although the moment is long gone I can still mentally feel the pain
left behind.
Warmth envelopes my hand, as Eren grabs he hand I was previously cupping,
“Listen I don't know the whole circumstance of what's going on and I don't want
to have an opinion until I hear from Mikasa what happened, but for now I need
you to help me find her,” How Eren can be so calm after hearing what he did is
beyond me, the fact he would trust me after knowing what I did is either
admirable or just plain idiotic. Most likely the second one. Before I could
even have time to finish nodding my head to agree I am being pulled through the
crowd, Eren's grip far too tightly gripping my hand Reiner not too far behind
me. As we make our way outside the house my phone buzzes in my back-jean
pocket, I pull it out and look down at the notification on my phone, it was a
message from Mikasa through Facebook two hours ago that I had forgotten to
reply to. I am about to put my phone back in my pocket when I realise that
Mikasa had left her location on, which was currently displayed at the bottom of
the chat. Pulling on Eren’s arm I pass him the phone, “I think I might know
where she is” he looks down at the phone and gives me a brief nod of his head,
before grabbing my wrist again and leading me to his car.
The car ride is awkwardly quiet, Reiner only looking over at me a handful of
times but mostly looking out the window, he's still pissed at me, reasonably so
but it doesn't help with the bad feeling settling in my stomach. Something's up
I know it is, usually Mikasa would respond rather quickly to my messages, but
now she wouldn't even look at the messages. I couldn’t help the uneasy feeling
rapidly growing in my gut as we arrive at their house to find the door left
slightly ajar, Eren still manages to stay calm as we enter the house. All the
lights are off, and it is silent, Eren’s dad wasn't home so it wasn’t him who
left the door open by accident in a possible drunken state that he was usually
in when I've visited in the past or heard about from Mikasa.
The eerie silence of the house made my mind run wild, I can’t think straight,
so many thoughts are running through my head at once. Bad throughs, that make
me lunge up the stairs as fast I can until I find myself standing in front of
Mikasa’s door. I take a second to compose myself before I walk into the empty
room.
“Mikasa, you in there?” I knock on the door to the ensuite, silence. Heavy
silence. “Listen I know you probably don’t want to talk to me right now, but
please, please just say something, you can even tell me to fuck off if you’d
like” I pause, waiting for a reply that doesn’t come, biting my lip I lose my
patience and open the door. Opening the door half way, I look inside seeing
Mikasa lying in the tub, back facing me, continuing to open the door I hear he
noise of something scraping along the tiles. Stepping into the bathroom I look
behind the door for the source of the noise, a small orange bottle, crouching
down I take a better look at the empty bottle until it finally hits me, they
are Mikasa’s anti-depressants.
“No no no” Blood runs cold as I rush to the side of the bathtub pressing my
shaking fingers against the pale flesh of her neck, feeling for a pulse, it was
there but faint.
“What did you do? Mikasa what did you do?!” tears well in my eyes as I lift her
limp body into my arms and drag her into the shower, turning on the spray, I
pull her body close to mine in between my legs, before I shove two fingers into
her mouth as far back as I can and keep them there until I start to feel her
gag. I pull my hand away as Mikasa lurches forward coughing, at this point I
cant tell whether the heat rolling down my cheeks is from the now warm spray of
water from the shower head or not, but I don’t care as I wrap my arms around
the ravens waist as she continues of cough up the pills and a large amount of
liquid, pressing soft kisses against her neck.
In the background I hear the thud of steps coming up the stairs, but I block it
out as Mikasa comes to her senses and tries to pull away from me,
“Let go, get away from me!” her voice is raspy and shaky as she struggles in my
grip, but I just pull her even closer to me,
“Never” I say just loud enough for her to hear, which makes her stop
struggling. “I’m never going to let you go again, I love you Mikasa.”
“Annie… why did you bother saving me? I know it was all an act” she shakes her
head, her wet jet-black hair clinging to the back and sides of her neck,
slightly tapering down to just above the delicate curve of her collar bones.
“It was in the beginning, but I along the way I become to love you. You were
not longer a stupid bet to me. I love you Mikasa, I love you so much, please
forgive me.” Silence fell as Mikasa reached up and turned the shower off, I
allow my grip around her waist to loosen as she turns to face me, keeping her
eyes downcast. She shakes her head again and opens her mouth slightly but
closes it again, as she finally looks up at me raising a hand to cup my cheek
and swiping her thumb across it, I realise the warmth rolling down my cheeks
wasn’t from the water.
“I don’t think I can forgive you for what you did,” I feel my heart sink in my
chest, I fucked up, I fucked up bad and now I don’t think I can come back from
this, “But, I guess only time will tell” and there it is that beautiful half
smile half smirk of hers that I fell in love with, she’s smiling, smiling at
me, after everything I did she can still look at me even remotely the same as
how she use to. Before I get the chance to fully process the situation she’s
pulling me into a hug, it’s awkward because of how we are sitting but still a
hug none the less. It’s only now that I realise the foot steps up the stairs
before belonged to Eren and Reiner who were now currently standing in the door
way, Eren looked like he was holding himself back from diving in and hugging
Mikasa, while Reiner’s face was plagued with pure concern, It’s hard to tell
how long they had been standing there, but its safe to assume that they saw
enough to make a judgment of what happened for themselves.
When Mikasa finally calms down I help her up and out of the shower, still a
little out of it so most of her weight is on me. As soon as she steps out of
the shower Eren pulls her into a hug, one hand gripping the back of her head
while the other one wraps around her waste as a method of support to keep her
upright, “I’m so sorry” she mumbles into his shirt, her back quaking as she
beginnings to sob into his shirt. Eren hushing her as he massages her scalp as
a comforting gesture.
After that Eren promises he wouldn’t tell anyone what happened so long as she
told him the truth. Once Eren found out the truth about his father he went
straight to the police and Grisha was soon sent to jail with a life sentence
for the rape of his adoptive daughter. Due to no longer having any place to go
with Grisha now in prison, Levi was given the push he needed to officially take
custody of Eren and Mikasa. Although the pills didn’t cause any extreme harm to
Mikasa herself it seems the mix of alcohol and near overdoes made her
miscarriage, but it doesn’t seem to bother her all that much, she didn’t even
so much as shed a tear when she woke up one night in extreme pain and blood
between her thighs. Considering everything that happened Mikasa has managed to
stay strong, she attended therapy for while due to my request and eventually
found it in her heart to forgive me, and we are happier than ever. I wouldn’t
give up her love for the world.
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