Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/48896.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Star_Trek_XI
  Relationship:
      Pavel_Chekov/Hikaru_Sulu
  Character:
      Pavel_Chekov, Hikaru_Sulu
  Additional Tags:
      First_Time
  Stats:
      Published: 2010-01-10 Words: 5387
****** Wanted to Hold ******
by Rubynye
Summary
     Hikaru makes a request and Pavel learns something important.
Notes
     Based on this prompt: "Chekhov/Sulu._Inexperienced!top!Pavel_and
     reassuring!bottom!Hikaru_plz."
     All Thanks To:
     [[info]]
princessofg for advice on diction, [[info]]lomedet for alpha reading and [
[info]]brown_betty for beta reading.
Title: Wanted to Hold
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Chekov/Sulu
Summary: Hikaru makes a request and Pavel learns something important.
Content Advisory: Vague spoilers for the movie; slash, fluff.
Disclaimer: None of these characters or their settings belong to me.
Title source: I will eventually run out of fragments of the song "Starlight" by
Muse to use as titles for Chekov/Sulu stories. Really.
It is not the first time Lieutenant Sulu has been hurt on a mission. Trying his
very best not to think about how it's unlikely to be the last, either, Pavel
walks slowly beside Hikaru, carrying a datapadd and listening to him grumble.
"Three days off duty? Three?" Hikaru gripes as if he can't hear the shortness
in his breath, doesn't notice his own arm wrapped protectively across his
middle. "I don't know why McCoy thinks I need to waste that much time doing
nothing."
"It is perhaps because you nearly died," Pavel points out, he thinks quite
reasonably. Hikaru glares sideways, and it does not help that Pavel wants so
much to lick the little crinkles at the corners of his narrowed eyes. Instead
he sets his chin as firmly as he can, and Hikaru says nothing, looking ahead as
they take several more slow steps. Pavel's legs are tense like tight springs,
wanting to carry him as fast as he can move, but his heart keeps him in pace
with Hikaru, as he tries not to show he's holding back.
Then Hikaru chuckles, a little breathlessly. "Why don't you run ahead, okay?
I'll catch up."
Pavel shakes his head. "I am ordered strictly, by a superior officer," he says
as Hikaru rolls his eyes, "to see you to your door in safety."
"Okay, I know, we're all afraid of Doctor McCoy." They arrive at Hikaru's
quarters, and he sets one palm on the wall as he sets the other on the pad.
Hikaru holds his back straight and proud, but Pavel can see his arm tense,
taking his weight, and he has to clench his fist to keep his own arms at his
sides.
The door opens on Hikaru's quarters, familiar and neat, festooned with potted
plants. They step inside, the door whooshes shut, and Pavel immediately flings
the datapadd at the bed, wrapping his arms around Hikaru, who sighs and sags
into his hold. After a moment Hikaru laughs wryly, tightening his arm around
Pavel's waist, leaning his head on Pavel's shoulder. They stand for a moment,
getting Hikaru's weight adjusted between them, and Pavel flattens his hand on
Hikaru's side, feeling his solidity through the uniform he insisted on wearing.
The warm familiar weight of him makes Pavel's blood rush faster, makes his cock
twitch painfully against his fly.
"I have you," Pavel says as sturdily as he can, trying his best to ignore his
erection. He dragged that padd to Sickbay just to weigh down his lap; he's been
hard every time he's seen Hikaru in the last thirty-nine hours, ever since
Doctor McCoy told him, so gently it made him shake, "Kid, Sulu's going to be
all right." All Pavel wanted during the earlier eighteen hours was for Hikaru
to keep his life; all he wants now is to feel Hikaru alive beneath him, to jump
on him and kiss him, touch him and taste him and be fucked through the bed by
him until he can bear to let go.
"You've got me." Hikaru skims his mouth over Pavel's ear, sending a pulse of
heat through him that makes him have to bite his lip. Sternly reminding himself
that it's not a night for jumping on Hikaru, Pavel helps him to his bed and
eases him to sit.
Hikaru pulls his shirt off quickly, as if that would keep Pavel from noticing
his wince. "Let me help," Pavel says, kneeling before him and easing his
undershirt off over his head. Hikaru emerges from it smiling brightly, as if
he's not hurt at all, as if Pavel can't see the pale new skin over most of his
chest, didn't overhear Dr. McCoy referring to his ribs as a jigsaw puzzle.
Gentle fingers under Pavel's chin tilt his face up. Hikaru was watching Pavel
look him over, and his smile is a little faded as he meets Pavel's eyes. "Hey,"
he says, as if this is easy, and Pavel is suddenly awash in rage, at Hikaru for
volunteering, at Captain Kirk for taking him, at Starfleet for ordering them
into pointless danger.
Hikaru doesn't say anything, just strokes his thumb up and down Pavel's cheek,
and the anger drains away faster than it welled up. The Enterprise had her
mission, the Captain needed his best officers with him, and Hikaru is the best
indeed. He smiles lopsidedly, his eyes on Pavel's, then shuts them and says,
very softly, "I worry about you, too."
Something behind Pavel's eyes snaps almost audibly, and he lunges, barely
making himself gentle the kiss. Hikaru pulls him close with an arm around his
waist and kisses him back, strong and sure and so alive under his hands. It
isn't until he feels them shift that Pavel realizes Hikaru is lying back,
pulling him along, and if he goes he'll end up atop Hikaru's newly repaired
chest.
So he doesn't. He pushes himself back, tearing his mouth away, and stays there
even though Hikaru gives him the wide brown eyes. "Where are you going?"
"Far away, to help remove your clothes." Pavel unzips and removes Hikaru's
boot, then the other.
"So you're undressing me, but not kissing me," Hikaru teases, sounding like
Captain Kirk when he wheedles.
After a moment, Pavel says so as he unfastens Hikaru's pants. "You sound like
the Captain when he is importunate."
Hikaru stares, then laughs so hard he falls backwards. "Ah, ha, ow," he gasps,
clutching Pavel's shoulder. "Um, okay. Thank you." Pavel rewards him with a
single kiss on his knee, and concentrates ostentatiously on folding the pants
until Hikaru huffs and swings his legs into bed, kicking the padd onto the
floor as he pulls the sheet up.
"What else do you need?" Pavel asks somewhat absently as he watches Hikaru
settle into bed, folding his hands behind his head, the sheet across his bare
muscular chest hiding the big pale patch over his breastbone. Like this, his
smile relaxed, his eyes bright but not glassily drugged, Hikaru really does
look like nothing happened in the past four days. Almost. Pavel swallows hard
around the lump in his throat; whatever else, he will not cry. "Another pill, a
glass of water?"
"No, Nurse Chekov," Hikaru says, his eyes sparkling, "I'm fine. But if you
could water my plants..."
Pavel bounces to his feet. "I can do that!" He loves watering Hikaru's plants:
the fresh green growing lifeforms, the sweet earthy scent of damp soil, the
responsibility for something Hikaru cares about. In that last Pavel feels a
kinship with Hikaru's plants, which makes him enjoy tending them all the more.
"The can?"
"It's over my desk." Pavel takes the watering can from the hook and squeezes
lightly, semi-rigid polymer flexing in his hands. He always does this once, to
hear the hollow thunk as the can's walls resume their shape, before he fills it
in Hikaru's tiny bathroom.
"First, I must..." There is a procedure, so Pavel briefly closes his eyes as he
recalls it. Press a fingertip against the soil to check its hydration, water
for a count of five for small pots and eight for the large, avoid wetting the
leaves... he moves around the room watering the plants, feeling Hikaru quietly
watching him, listening to Hikaru breathe.
It hits him that he might never have heard Hikaru breathing again, and he
nearly splashes a broad variegated leaf. Pushing that idea away, Pavel asks,
"what are you thinking?" as he stands on tiptoe to reach the hanging vine.
"About your belly where your shirt's pulled up." Hikaru snickers as the dull
burn of a blush flares across Pavel's face. "About how good you look."
"About how you wish me to crush the air from you and undo all Doctor McCoy's
work," Pavel retorts as sharply as he can manage, when his heart pounds with
happiness at Hikaru's laughter. "I am done with watering, I will dry the can."
"Drip dry is fine," Hikaru says, arm flexing in a negligent gesture. Pavel
thinks of Hikaru lunging with a foil, the definition in his arms as he shifts
over Pavel in bed, and makes himself whirl away. He doesn't want to leave, even
as far as the bathroom, but he's going to need to masturbate or melt down
fairly soon.
As he hangs up the can, Pavel hears a shifting rustle of cloth. When he turns
around Hikaru has kicked off the sheet and his jockeys; he stretches like a cat
until he lies spread out on his bed, one hand still behind his head, one loose
around his cock. "Pavel Andreievich Chekov," Hikaru says slowly, rolling the
full name on his tongue like a full-body caress, "why are you still dressed and
all the way over there?"
Pavel's mouth falls open. Hikaru looks so good, graceful and toned, stroking
himself slowly and smiling invitingly. Pavel slides his gaze over those
handsome, familiar features, knowing how Hikaru's square shoulders would feel
under his hands, how Hikaru's strong thighs would feel beneath his, if he just
went over.
Hikaru's face shifts, his smile becoming serious, and he presses both hands
flat to the mattress as he sits up a little. "I mean, if you don't want to,
that's fine. It really is. But if you think I don't want to because I just got
out of Sickbay...?"
"I do want, so much, but I..." Pavel's pulse throbs in his temples and his
cock, and his head feels very empty of anything not related to having sex with
Hikaru. "I do not want to reinjure you."
Hikaru sighs gustily and flops down, holding his arms straight up. "Come here."
Pavel tells himself he tried, kicks off his boots, and drags off his shirt and
undershirt as he crosses the room. He climbs carefully over Hikaru, settling
beside him rather than on him, and Hikaru smiles as if Pavel's the best thing
he's ever seen, slides a hand into his curls and kisses him hungrily. The scent
of his hair, of his skin, the moving press of his lips, and Pavel is undone,
heart soaring, clutching Hikaru's shoulders too tightly. Hikaru exhales a small
warm noise and pushes the kiss deeper, wetter, hotter, and Pavel whimpers
helplessly, head tipping back, already tingling all over.
It's like drowning but the opposite, in the feel of Hikaru's strong hands,
Hikaru's mouth firm on his, Hikaru solid and whole pressed to him, and Pavel
forgets about unimportant things like air as he thrusts against Hikaru's hip,
his cock throbbing under his fly. Hikaru chokes a muffled laugh and disengages
their mouths, gasping as he leans their foreheads together, and Pavel realizes
with a deep sobbing breath that maybe he does need a little air.
He needs Hikaru just as much, though, helpless not to touch him, stroking up
the back of his neck, carding fingers into his hair. Hikaru kisses him lightly,
barely shifting his mouth from a smile. "You're not still worried, right?"
Pavel pulls his hand slowly through Hikaru's hair, limpid strands slipping
between his fingers. Their breath whisks across each other's faces, chests and
thighs sliding together until every brush of hot skin makes him shake. "I
promise I will go easy," he says as archly as he can though his voice wobbles.
"You'd better fucking not," Hikaru answers, half laughing. "Come on." He
presses Pavel even closer by the small of his back, tangling their legs. "It
took a pretty big rock, okay? You won't hurt me." The laughter drains away as
he adds, "And when I thought--"
Pavel understands and shudders, and Hikaru stops, but Pavel pushes against the
aroused thrum of his body, the weight of desire on his eyelids, and opens his
eyes. Hikaru's fill his vision, infinite and clear brown. "You thought you
would die," Pavel says, and bites his lip as Hikaru pets his back, heat flaring
beneath the touch. "I was so afraid, too."
Hikaru nods, his eyelids shiver but don't lower. "I really -- never mind, we're
finally in bed."
"Tell me," Pavel insists, closing his hand around a fistful of Hikaru's hair.
Hikaru laughs gently, tipping his head so his hair whisks through Pavel's
fingers like water. "Don't pull, bald's not a good look on me." Pavel would
answer that, but Hikaru kisses him again, pulling back after a few warm
moments. "It's not the first time I thought I might not make it back," he says
slowly, sliding his hand to Pavel's clothed hip, and Pavel sternly tells
himself that he wants to hear this more than he wants Hikaru to touch him,
really. "On our first mission, falling towards Vulcan -- and dying in Kirk's
arms, that idea's almost hilarious. And then when the Klingons nearly destroyed
us. I kind of wanted to shove you into an escape pod."
Pavel frowns, but right now he doesn't have the heart to bristle at Hikaru's
romantic overprotectiveness. "I was too busy with weapons for an escape pod,"
he says mildly.
Hikaru's smile is all agreement. "Yeah, you were too busy kicking ass. We were
too busy at the helm." He squeezes Pavel's hip, and the look in his warm eyes
pierces Pavel's heart, sharp and sweet. "When I was falling you caught me. When
the rockslide hit and everything went black I thought about seeing you again."
Eyes aching like his heart, Pavel squeezes them shut and kisses Hikaru, so hard
their teeth bump, too hard, but Hikaru moans into him and pushes him onto his
back, straddling him and unfastening his pants. "I thought about the way you
look when you come," Hikaru murmurs low over Pavel's mouth, and Pavel gasps and
pushes into Hikaru's hands, wriggling to help Hikaru strip his pants down.
"About getting back here to take you to bed. I want to watch you." He kisses
behind Pavel's ear as he palms his cock, a press of strong sure fingers, and
Pavel bites his lip but the moan leaks out around the edges. "I want you to
come for me. I've been thinking about it for days."
Pavel wants that, so much and more, kicking his pants away, rocking into
Hikaru's fast twisting strokes, shuddering as electricity crackles up his
spine. He reaches but Hikaru pins his wrist against the mattress, pins his head
with a wonderfully messy kiss. "You next," Pavel croaks, tilting his chin up.
"Hikaru, I--"
"That's the plan." Hikaru nods, smile bright, eyebrows pulling together like
he's the one warping towards orgasm. He kisses Pavel deeply, muscular thighs
tight around his hips, thumb tight on his pulse, stroking quickly and firmly
and perfectly right; Pavel gives in, moaning for Hikaru, arching into his hand,
pulling against his grip just enough to feel it. Hikaru kisses his face, his
jaw, his throat, guiding hand pumping him steadily all the while, and it's
everything Pavel wanted and the smallest part of the fantasies that pounded
longingly behind his eyes as he pressed his datapadd down on his lap and
watched Hikaru sleep in Sickbay. When Hikaru pulls his mouth away Pavel sobs
out loud, feeling Hikaru's gaze on him like another caress as twists and bucks,
thrusts and cries out, the sensation wrenchingly wonderful.
He spatters his chest and belly as Hikaru strokes him through it, slicker and
stickier now, to exactly the moment when it's too much. He's breathing as hard
as Pavel as he slumps sideways, letting go to tangle their less messy hands
together, and they just lie there nestled back to front as Pavel's heart
gradually decelerates, pounding with satisfaction and relief. Eventually he
grabs the discarded sheet and lazily mops himself, his melted brain slowly
resolidifying, which is why it takes him so long to think about Hikaru's
breathlessness. "You!" he shouts, sitting up, and Hikaru's eyes flutter open as
Pavel turns to face him, pointing angrily. "You are not -- do not tell me you
are all right."
Looking up from heavy-lidded eyes, Hikaru squeezes Pavel's hand. "I'm getting
there." He shrugs onto his back, reaching up to trail fingers down Pavel's
chest, and his sultry smile is one Pavel usually sees only during fencing and
the middle of the night. "I feel better already."
"You are drunk on medication and impatience," Pavel says, but he smiles despite
himself and Hikaru just smirks. "I will call Doctor McCoy, ask him--"
Hikaru plants a sticky hand right over Pavel's mouth. "Are you really trying to
turn me off?" Pavel can't resist licking Hikaru's palm, tasting himself on his
skin, watching a tremor go up his strong arm. "Thought not. If you want, I'll
lie here and let you do all the work."
Pavel tugs Hikaru's hand off his mouth, though not without another lick. His
pulse under Pavel's fingers is steady and sure. "What work is that?" He walks
the other hand up Hikaru's hip, brushing the back of his hand against Hikaru's
cock as lightly as he can. "What if your heart goes 'pop'?"
Hikaru shudders all over, turning his hand to squeeze Pavel's. "Then that'll
mean you did it right," he says, closing his eyes, eyelashes inky on his
cheekbones, "because I want you to fuck me."
Pavel blinks, excitement surging, smiling so wide his cheeks twinge. In their
several weeks together they haven't had sex that way yet, he never has with
anyone. "You want that?" Hikaru nods, looking up at him. "You want me to?" His
voice cracks, but Hikaru's eyes widen with his smile, and Pavel has to fling
himself on Hikaru, has to clutch his shoulders and kiss him eagerly. "I want, I
want," he mutters between kisses, Hikaru's mouth open beneath his, Hikaru's
hands tight on his hips. "I want you. I want to be inside you."
"I thought you would," Hikaru breathes, and Pavel kisses him again until his
lips throb, finally pulling back with one hand set over the even pound of
Hikaru's heart. The new skin feels slicker under the drag of his fingers, but
Hikaru stretches almost bonelessly, relaxing out of his usual compact stance,
his smile unfurling as he says, "Ensign Chekov, you have the conn."
Pavel laughs as he kisses Hikaru again, reaching behind the pillow for the
lube. He sits back to slick his fingers as he kneels between Hikaru's thighs,
considers his glistening wet hand and adds some more. He remembers how Hikaru
does this to him, but... Hikaru lies before him, looking sturdy and
indestructible, and Pavel can't help but think how terribly inaccurate that
appearance is.
"Don't you dare finish that off," Hikaru says cheerfully, flicking his fingers
over Pavel's navel. "I'm not going to Sickbay for more, not this week." He
drapes his thighs over Pavel's. "That's enough, really." And wriggles, shifting
his hips. "Come on, here I am."
"All right, all right, so impatient." Pavel loosely wraps his other hand around
Hikaru's cock as he strokes the lubed one beneath his balls and down. He pushes
his forefinger carefully into the heat of Hikaru's body, watching it sink and
emerge knuckle by knuckle, answering heat coiling in his belly as he strokes
another time, again and again. Breathing roughening, Hikaru suddenly hisses
between his teeth, his fingers tightening on the crumpling sheet; Pavel pauses
with a jolt, glancing up, but Hikaru's smiling, little beads of sweat rising on
his forehead. "Tell me."
"Fuck, I--" Hikaru tips his head back, a sheen pooled in the dip of his throat.
"I think you can come back with two fingers."
"You are sure?" Hikaru cuts off Pavel's questions by reaching down and grabbing
his wrist, by squeezing around his finger, a smooth muscular ripple. Pavel's
cock jerks at the thought of feeling that, and Hikaru nods, grin shining.
"You should see yourself," he tells Pavel, his eyes bottomless and blown.
"Concentrating like this. So fucking sexy." Pavel's cheeks heat, because Hikaru
is the gorgeous one, spread out sleek and graceful before him; he shakes his
head, looking down, trying to match his hands' pace as he slides two fingers
in, feeling the tight ring, the infinitesimal give. Hikaru's breathing is
familiarly noisy, his hand trembling on Pavel's forearm. "Yeah, go on, a little
faster."
"I will not rush," Pavel insists, even though all his pulse points are
pounding. He speeds up a little, and the soft noise Hikaru makes, the way his
thighs tense -- Pavel's hard again already, and if he hadn't had so much
practice ignoring it recently, if Hikaru hadn't jerked him off to start, he
doesn't think he could keep on with this glorious torment. "Patience is
virtue."
"Is that a Russian proverb?" Hikaru gasps, adding, "tilt your fingers down,
about ten degrees."
Pavel intends to answer 'it is common sense,' but when he complies Hikaru gasps
and jerks almost violently, cock twitching in his hand, grip on his arm
searingly tight. He recognizes that shallow raised spot, and absolutely has to
push his fingers across it again and hear Hikaru groan, watch him arch into the
stroke so his back lifts off the bed.
"Oh hell." Hikaru moans, the opposite of distressed, "Why the fuck didn't we do
this before?" He bucks into Pavel's fist, making his fingers slide in fast
enough for a wet slick noise that echoes down his spine. Pavel can't say
anything, his mouth gone dry as he watches Hikaru writhe between his hands. "I
can take a third finger now," he breathes, his eyes heavy-lidded. "I need
another, please."
"Hikaru," Pavel breathes, and does it. Hikaru hisses, the elastic resistance
compressing Pavel's fingers, and Pavel forces himself to pause, but Hikaru
shakes his head wildly, tugging his wrist like a tiller. "More?"
"Yeah, it's good, it's so fucking good. More." Hikaru presses a heel lightly
into his back. He sighs "Pavel," as if the name tastes good, eyes focused on
his face, and Pavel wants to kiss Hikaru's panting mouth, wants him so badly he
aches. A few more strokes and Hikaru shivers hard, shutting his eyes, pushing a
clear 'halt' against Pavel's wrist. "Okay, enough, stop, stop."
"But you--" Pavel doesn't want to stop dragging his hand up and down the hard
curve of Hikaru's cock and moving his fingers in the slicked tight heat of his
body, doesn't want to stop feeling him vibrate and twist with pleasure, but he
stills himself. "You can come like this, no? "
Hikaru groans, pushing his hair off his damp forehead. "Yeah, I really -- we
have to do that soon, a lot." He grins from under his hand. "But tonight I want
you to fuck me." The low purr of Hikaru's words thrums through Pavel's blood,
pulling Pavel forward over him. "Hey, easy," he adds, cheerful and breathless,
"Go slowly, okay? I need to be able to sit tomorrow."
"I do not see why," Pavel teases, leaning in, though of course he eases his
fingers out slowly, kissing Hikaru until he growls into Pavel's mouth. He
thinks belatedly of twisting them, of teasing Hikaru the way Hikaru has
sometimes teased him, but perhaps another time, when his whole body isn't
throbbing with want. "You can lie in the bed all day," he murmurs, swiping his
wet fingers quickly on the sheet before running them up the underside of
Hikaru's hard thigh. "You have orders."
"Oh, damn," Hikaru breathes appreciatively, folding his legs across Pavel's
back. "In that case, come here." Pavel leans in for another deep kiss, trying
to push in and only sliding, not unpleasantly but rather frustratingly until
Hikaru exhales a chuckle and pushes him back by his shoulders. Pavel blushes
hot at his own clumsiness, but Hikaru just shifts his knees higher and smiles
encouragingly. "You'd better use your hand to guide yourself. It's okay, I've
got you."
Pavel shakes his head, arm tensing as he tries to shift his own weight off
Hikaru's hands. "Maybe there is not enough lube?" he glances around for the
bottle until Hikaru squeezes his shoulders.
"Your fingers were dripping," he says, shaking his head. "I think we've got
enough. Come on, fuck me." Just hearing that makes Pavel shiver, and he nearly
falls as he gets himself lined up. "There you go." One push, just the head,
both of them gasping, and the smooth tight squeeze feels so different, from
fingers, from a mouth, from anything. "Oh, yes, fuck, yes," Hikaru groans as
Pavel pants above him, stunned speechless, clutching the bed either side of
Hikaru's waist. "You--!"
Pavel moves just a millimeter but his hips race ahead, slamming him in balls
deep, and Hikaru's voice tilts and breaks. "Oh, shit, sorry, sorry," Pavel
gasps, alarm spiking through him, Hikaru's hands clamped tight on his forearms,
Hikaru shaking beneath and around him.
Another fearful moment, Pavel's disobedient blood surging with desperate
arousal, and Hikaru drags in a breath, he laughs threadily and Pavel's arms
nearly give way with relief. "Okay, it's okay," Hikaru gasps. "Just caught me
by surprise." Pavel pushes an eye open, and Hikaru's beaming at him, eyes and
grin shining. "God, you feel good. Come on, move."
Pavel's eyes squeeze shut, all his energies redirecting elsewhere. "Yes, yes,
I, yes." He lets his hips work, the rhythm rising out of his back-brain,
electric up his spine and down his thighs, the familiar intensification with a
new edge. Hikaru moans eagerly, thighs tight over Pavel's ribs, hands on his
arms squeezing instructions into his sweat-slick skin, yes like that harder
slower yes. There's not enough air in his lungs, in the room, and Pavel has to
gasp with each thrust, has to whimper, starts to babble. "You are the one who
feels so good, you are so strong, so beautiful," he murmurs, and Hikaru hums
questioningly, looking up with a wrinkle between his dark eyes as if he doesn't
understand.
Pavel realizes he must have fallen into Russian, and that's perfect. This new
connection, sinking himself deep into Hikaru, is too primal for any language
but his first. "I love you," he says, as he hasn't dared in English, watching
every shift in Hikaru's face as his eyelids sink, as he grins wider and pushes
harder into Pavel's thrusts. "I love you so much, I can feel your pulse, it is
unending, don't you dare ever die," he chants to the rhythm of their bodies
slapping together. Hikaru tenses all the more around him, cock rubbing against
his belly, and he answers, thrusting harder, moaning, "Come on, come on, I want
you to come, I want to feel you, I want to feel everything."
It's all too much, and Pavel realizes he's going to come imminently, the wave
of sensation gathering, his skin spangling all over. He bites his lip, but it's
just one more throb down his nerves, not even painful as it all overtakes him,
as his eyes crinkle shut and Hikaru says something warmly urgent and everything
implodes into the pulse of orgasm and the clutch of Hikaru's body around him.
Pavel distantly hears himself cry out nonsensical syllables as his arms shudder
and give way and he collapses shaking, half atop Hikaru.
The world expands again slowly, to his warm tingling body, to Hikaru's hand in
his hair and strained, pleased murmur in his ear. "That was amazing, you're
amazing, I just, come on, a little more..." Hikaru's other hand pushes between
their bellies.
Embarrassment cuts sharply through the hazy fog of pleasure. Pavel could never
bear to be so selfish. He pushes Hikaru's hand away, and as his hand closes
around Hikaru's cock his ear burns under the happy curse Hikaru exhales. Pavel
tilts his head a little, pressing his mouth to the strong vibrating cord of
Hikaru's throat as he strokes, and Hikaru is ready and more, his cock wet and
taut, squeezing irregularly around Pavel still inside him. "Fuck me, yeah, fuck
me, I'm yours," Hikaru groans hot in his ear, and as he comes Pavel can feel
the ripples propagate all through him, through both of them.
Hikaru grabs Pavel's chin, tilting his face up, and kisses him more sweetly
than water after a long run, again and again as they shake through each other's
aftershocks. Finally, too breathless and heavy with satisfaction to keep going,
they slump into the pillow and lie there entangled, gasping across each other's
wet mouths. "Oh, my God," Hikaru mutters, sounding dazed, hand resting where
Pavel's throat meets his jaw. "That was incredible. You never did that before?
Is there anything you can't do?"
Pavel blushes under Hikaru's hand, atop his shoulder. "You set the destination,
I chart the way. Always."
Hikaru laughs that breathless chuckle Pavel loves anew, brushes damp curls off
his forehead and kisses him again, but in the middle of the kiss he winces and
Pavel shifts away. "Sorry, ow," Hikaru gasps, eyelids shut and creasing.
His heart feeling like it's smashed flat, Pavel wiggles off Hikaru as fast as
he can without pushing on any part of him. "I'm sorry! I have injured you?"
Hikaru shakes his head against the pillow. "No, not you," he explains, his
smile compressed and tilted, pressing a hand to his chest, "you were great. I
guess the endorphins are just wearing off. Can you--"
"Oh, yes, let me!" Pavel scrambles out of bed to grab the medication and a cup
of water. It shouldn't be a relief that all Hikaru needs is an overdue pain
pill, but if Pavel had hurt him he could not have endured it. Hikaru washes the
pill down, carefully leaves the cup half full, and presses it into Pavel's
hand. He sighs but knocks back the remaining water, and Hikaru smiles drowsily
and gently tugs his wrist until he climbs back into bed, settling in carefully
and pulling the blanket up.
They're sweaty and sticky, lax and warm, the air around them redolent with sex.
It was only four days (and critical injury, and nearly death), and Pavel has
missed this so much he aches with happiness, his resolve not to cry weakened by
pleasure and gratitude. It helps him master himself when Hikaru rests a
grounding hand on his arm and mumbles, "Shower?"
"Morning is soon enough," Pavel says around the fading lump in his throat,
setting his hand on Hikaru's.
"That works." Hikaru yawns ear to ear. "Computer, lights off." Pavel yawns too,
and closes his eyes.
Much later, Pavel half-wakes to find himself curled into Hikaru, head on
Hikaru's shoulder, hand on his collarbone, their knees overlapping. Hikaru is
whispering slowly, lightly stroking Pavel's hair, and Pavel holds himself
sleep-still, keeping his breathing even so he can listen.
"I love you," Hikaru whispers into the darkness, and Pavel's heart hitches and
thuds so loudly he doesn't know how Hikaru doesn't hear it. "I love you, and
I'm sorry I scared you, but I feel... I feel like maybe I survived because you
wanted me to, with all that conviction, all that energy. Like I could come back
from anything if I had to, as long as you're waiting for me." Hikaru pauses for
awhile, the only sounds his slow breathing and Pavel's heartbeat pounding in
his ears, then self-consciously mutters, "Jeez, Sulu," and quietly laughs at
himself.
Pavel can feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, threatening to
betray him, but he holds himself steady, turning those words over in his mind
as Hikaru's hand goes limp, as his breathing evens out again. When he's sure
Hikaru is asleep, Pavel turns his head, smudging his hand across his wet eyes,
and kisses Hikaru's shoulder. I love you, Hikaru has said, which is rampantly
unfair and the best thing Pavel has heard since he knew he wouldn't lose him. I
love you, and I could come back from anything for you.
"I love you too," Pavel whispers, warm with hope and Hikaru beside him, and
falls back asleep smiling.
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