Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2652770.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Naruto
  Relationship:
      Hatake_Kakashi/Uzumaki_Naruto
  Character:
      Hatake_Kakashi, Uzumaki_Naruto, Uchiha_Sasuke, Haruno_Sakura, Umino
      Iruka, Hyuuga_Hinata, Inuzuka_Kiba, Akamaru_(Naruto)
  Additional Tags:
      Underage_Sex, Explicit_Sexual_Content, Masturbation, Clone_Sex, Diary/
      Journal, Depression, Yaoi, Male_Slash
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-11-21 Chapters: 7/? Words: 21233
****** Unrequited Desire ******
by GhostyGooGirl
Summary
     M/M KakaNaru. Kakashi can't get over the fact he is lusting after a
     thirteen year old boy and is struggling to keep his emotionless
     facade in check. Little does he know Naruto feels the same way and is
     also having a hard time.
Notes
     Warnings: Underage, yaoi, explicit sexual content
     Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and I do not intend to sell or make
     money from this work.
     Come bug me on Tumblr. I'll answer any questions you guys have about
     my fics/sin/Naruto in general.
***** Chapter 1 *****
It wasn't often that Hatake Kakashi drowned his sorrows in the sweet
intoxication of alcoholic beverages, or to be more exact, sake. But this was
one of the rare occasions where he let himself be overwhelmed with the joyous
and carefree feeling of being completely intoxicated before the heavy feeling
of his daily thoughts and emotions burdened him once more when he woke up the
next morning. It wasn't like he couldn't handle the burden, infact he often
thought it was the only thing keeping him rooted to the ground instead drifting
off into the clouds, consumed in his own world, detached from reality. He liked
the dull emotional pain that came with his thoughts, it reminded him just how
far he had come since his days with Obito and Rin and the treacherous and
violent days in ANBU.
Yet even he acknowledged that he was only human and could only handle so much
before he had to let it all out in some way. The little orange book he carried
around helped him quite a bit as a coping mechanism, an escape from reality but
even that only helped to a certain point. So here he found himself at some bar,
the name long forgotten, a glass of sake in hand, sitting on a stall, swaying
dangerously, chatting happily away with a young blonde woman whom he had been
buying drinks for for the past hour.
"So Kakashi, do you have anyone special in your life?" The young woman
questioned. Letting out a small giggle, she placed her hand on his shoulder to
stop him swaying.
"Special?" It took Kakashi a few moments to realize what she was asking. A
flash of sun coloured hair, blue eyes and bright smile raced through his
thoughts at the mention of 'someone special'. He grimaced and quickly erased
that thought from his mind. It was wrong.
Becoming impatient after not really receiving a reply from the rather
attractive man sat next to her she tried to coax him on. "Hmm yeah, someone
special.. I mean someone you are romantically interested in?"
"...Someone that you love?" She continued, blushed slightly, removing her hand
from his shoulder to rest on his knee.
"Ah...no." The copy nin replied.
"No there is no one special in my life." He lied. This was a night he was meant
to be having some fun, to be getting away from real life for a few hours, to
make the most of his free time between missions and teaching his genin team, to
escape thoughts of his recent mission that had turned out to be a complete
failure. To escape thoughts of him.
He felt the hand that was resting on his knee move slowly up his leg, stopping
halfway up his thigh. He looked up at the young woman, trying to focus properly
on her face. Through hazy vision he managed to make out that a pink tinge had
gone to her cheeks. If a strategically placed hand that was not far from his
crotch was any indication, she was not blushing because of the alcohol.
"Ooh that's... Good." The blondes blush deepened even further, sending a rather
seductive smile his way. Moving her hand from its resting place, she slid it
even further up. That's when Kakashi finally came to his senses, standing up
suddenly, feeling her hand drop from the mere centimeters it had been from
touching his clothed member, then promptly toppling over backwards, ninja
skills all but forgotten.
A loud smash was heard through the bar as his sake glass hit the floor, the
young woman squealed and rushed over to his side, bending over him, revealing
her cleavage. The few onlookers that were scattered around the bar, previously
in deep conversation with each other spared glances at the two people who had
caused all the fuss, some laughing and some sporting unimpressed expressions
across their face.
"Are you alright Kakashi?!" She said leaning over him, offering her hand out to
help him up.
Before he could reply, the angry voice of the bar tender was heard over the pop
music that was playing in the background.
"Hey you two! You're way too drunk, You're gunna have to leave or I'm gunna
have to forcefully remove you!"
Rubbing the back of his head the silver haired jounin stared on in confusion
and heaved himself up off the cold, tiled floor with the help of the young
lady. Not long after managing to actually remain balanced on both his feet they
walked out of the bar, or rather Kakashi stumbled out while his partner
supported him by snaking her arm around his waist.
"Aah.. I'm sorry about that, I've never really been able to hold my drink
well." A blush spread across his cheeks, grateful that he was under the
protection of his mask that he had thought to pull up before leaving the
establishment, one visible eye the only thing giving his smile away.
"Don't worry about it." She gave him a bright smile, revealing a set of perfect
teeth beneath her rosy, plump red lips. Now that Kakashi really looked at her
from head to toe she really was a rather attractive specimen.
She had long blonde hair, much like the colour of Naruto's, cascading down her
back, stopping just above her hips, she had average breasts, not too big but
not too small, he could say that one would have nothing to complain about.
Eyeing his way further down her body revealed that she had a slim waste and was
clad in a tight black dress, stopping a few centimeters above her knees. He
also noticed that she was shorter than him, but not by much, the top of her
head roughly reaching the height of his shoulders. The things that stood out to
him most about her though were her bright green eyes, red lips and bright
yellow hair, contrasted against her pale skin. The more he looked the more he
could feel the stir of want within him. The need to possess her. The need to
dominate her. The need to feel completed and whole.
The need to forget, even for a night.
The young lady, who did infact have a name... Akiko, noticed the lust filled
stares she was receiving so openly from Kakashi and felt herself blush deeply
before once again grabbing him around the waste, blocking his view of most of
her body.
"So.. Um do you have a home I could tak- help you back to?" She stammered.
Lulled out of the thoughts he was having of the blonde woman withering beneath
him in ecstasy, he managed to half tell and half show her the general direction
they should be walking in. The whole while trying very hard not to picture his
young blonde student in various erotic positions instead. Very wrong. He needed
to stop this. He felt absolutely disgusted with himself for having these
thoughts, his student was just a young boy for fuck sake! He needed to regain
some sort of tight leash on his thoughts, this could cause him a lot of trouble
if people were to find out about his true feelings for a certain genin. In all
his years never before had he been stuck in such a dilemma as this.
Before he could let that train of thought carry on to the point that he was
wallowing in his own guilt, he grabbed Akiko by the hand and dragged her into a
small dim alley way, not far from his apartment. He needed a distraction and he
needed it now.
"Wha-" she was promptly cut off by the feeling of soft lips against her own.
Heat pooling in the pit of her stomach, spreading through her whole body,
making her go weak at the knees. Akiko pulled her head back letting out a
content sigh as Kakashi pulled her body flush against his, hands wondering down
her sides, onto her buttocks, squeezing as he started nipping and sucking
hungrily at her neck. She let out a series if erotic moans as she could feel
the copy nins hard length press up against her. No. He was grinding against
her, the noises she was making only coaxing him on.
Feeling his hot breath against her ear and hearing little moans escape past his
lips, he carried on his thorough exploration of her neck with his mouth,
leaving red marks behind in his wake, making her go limp with pleasure at the
pure want for her he was radiating. she had not wanted someone so very much for
a very long time. Hearing the quiet desperation from his moans she could tell
he needed release. She too wanted his touch badly, feeling her wetness that had
soaked through her underwear but decided she would pleasure him first.
Dropping to her knees onto the hard ground beneath her, she hastily undid his
trouser buttons, nimble fingers unzipping them the rest of the way, behind them
revealing his hard length enclosed behind black cotton briefs. Pulling down his
briefs to reveal his erection, Kakashi gasped at the sudden cool air hitting
his sensitive skin. Flicking out her tongue to lick the tip of his leaking
arousal made the silver haired nin shiver in anticipation and want. She was
teasing him but he needed that hot mouth around his cock right this minute. He
grabbed her by the back of her head, sinking his fingers into her soft locks,
wanting to move her head to sate his needs, hesitant, waiting for her approval.
He needn't wait long before her hot mouth enclosed him fully, tearing gasp
after gasp from him.
Leaning against the the stone wall, tilting his head back with his lips parted,
muffled moans escaping him, he let his eye close, losing himself to the
sensation of her wet mouth and talented tongue. He let his thoughts wonder to
the young boy for a moment, wondering what it would feel like if it were
Naruto's mouth on him instead of Akiko's. He started forcing her to take more
of his length into her mouth, to go deeper, to gain even more of the sweet
pleasure he was gaining, thrusting his hips slightly. Wondering if his student
would be just as good, just as tight, just as hot, just as-STOP. He had to stop
there, he couldn't think of Naruto in that way. It was wrong. He had to keep
telling himself... But God he wanted him so bad! He wanted to thrust into him,
feel how tight he was, feel how the warm body beneath him would tremble from
the sheer pleasure that would be racing through his body like electricity and
it would all be because of Kakashi, no one else. Just him. The things he would
do to him.
He could feel himself reaching his peak and was soon pushed over the edge when
he looked down and saw the blonde hair, pale face and red lips bobbing up and
down on his cock, but all he could think about was Naruto. His hips jerked and
suddenly he was shuddering and gasping, barely managing to hold back the name
that was on the tip of his tongue as he spilled his seed down her throat.
Coming back down from his high he let his head drop and his posture slump
against the wall. Dizzy from his release and the high intake of alcohol running
through his system he tucked his now softening member back into his briefs and
pulled his trousers back up.
Just standing there in silence with Akiko still knelt by his feet he felt
overwhelming guilt submerge him. He thought of the one person he was trying to
forget at the brink of orgasm. He hated himself. He hated himself so much for
having such lack of self control, he hated himself for being such a sick
perverted man, lusting over a young boy. A boy...he wasn't even gay! I mean, he
hadn't thought he was. Surely that point was proven after having a beautiful
young woman on her knees pleasuring him with her mouth but all he could think
about was Naruto.
Guilt. Guilt because he couldn't bring himself to return the pleasure to the
blonde haired woman infront of him. Guilt because he had used her in his moment
of need, the need to forget when it hadn't even helped him forget. He was weak.
Guilt because she didn't deserve this. Guilt because Naruto didn't deserve
this.
He slumped to the ground, his head level with Akikos. His apartment wasn't far,
he could easily teleport to his bedroom from here. He leaned into to her,
locking his mouth to her own, kissing her lightly. She whimpered slightly at
the loss of contact as he pulled away.
"I'm sorry." was all Kakashi could choke out before disappearing in a puff of
smoke, leaving behind a very confused young lady in a dark, damp alley way,
hearing splatters of water hitting the ground and nearby rubbish as it started
to rain.
***** Chapter 2 *****
The next morning the storm had all but disappeared and it was a pleasant sunny
day, albeit a bit damp. The village was bustling with life, people making their
way down the market, smells of delicious food wafting into the air and the
bickering and shouting of young children as they scooted between passers by,
causing commotion.
Naruto had just left his apartment in a rush, hair still damp from his morning
shower and orange jacket still half hanging off his lithe frame. Sprinting as
fast as he could to get to the bridge where his team should have met up over
twenty minutes ago, Which meant that he should have been there twenty minutes
ago. It's not like this was anything new and it wasn't like Kakashi-sensei
would be there yet either, the damn guy usually left team 7 waiting hours on
end for him to bless them with his arrival.
Pushing his way through the crowd, rewarded with angry stares and offensive
remarks he only manages to shout an "I'm sorry!" Over his shoulder before the
little blur of orange had rounded a corner, soon appearing at the usual team 7
meeting place.
"NARUTO!"
Sakura's voice could probably be heard a mile away, and even then still deafen
the person.
"YOU'RE LATE AGAIN, WHEN THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO LEARN TO BE ON TIME FOR
ONCE?!"
She then stomped her way over the short distance between them to promptly smack
Naruto on the head. HARD. "Sorry Sakura..." He mumbled. This was another common
occurrence and quite frankly Naruto was getting fed up of him being mistreated
by her on a daily basis. Sure at first he thought she was an awesome person and
he admits that he did have a crush on her for quite some time but since
spending so much time around both her and Sasuke he thought that her
personality was her downfall. In his eyes it made her a rather ugly person but
she also had potential to be a very lovely one.
A loud "hmphff" from her was all Naruto recieved as a reply as she stalked off
in the direction of Sasuke to oggle his appearance and spew out her compliments
of how great he was and how he was such an amazing ninja and if he would go out
on a date with her.
Not really being in the mood to interact with anyone today, mainly because the
lack of sleep he'd been getting, Naruto leant against the wooden rail of the
bridge, folding is arms and leaning over slightly to watch the cool, refreshing
water of the stream below him rush past in an almost hypnotizing way. Blocking
out the loud voice of Sakura in the background he soon lost himself within his
own thoughts.
Not long ago had he turned thirteen and it seemed that since then everything
had gone down hill. Every year the villagers were reminded of the demon that
almost destroyed their village, refuelling their resentment even more and then
letting it all lose on Naruto. After all he did have that exact demon sealed
within him. It had been this way his whole life though, years of being hated
and despised by everyone he came in contact with was nothing new to him and so
never really expected much from anyone.
This was not what was troubling him though. The truth was that he had become
quite close to his new sensei over the past few months and respected him
greatly, both as a talented shinobi, and as a trustworthy friend. There were
very few people in Naruto's life that he could call a 'friend'. Iruka was
perhaps the closest, but even then he saw him more as a farther figure, along
with the sandaime himself.
Recently though, Kakashi-sensei had become withdrawn from him, where he was
once always there for Naruto, to answer his never ending stream of questions,
to joke about with, to eat ramen with, to learn from, even the slight friendly
touches he received from him. They'd all gone. They had all been replaced
with... Well... Nothing. Most of the time the copy nin would ignore him or
refuse to even acknowledge his mere presence. Even when Naruto would ask him a
question Kakashi would give him a strange look, be blunt and answer as quickly
as possible before hurrying off to read his perverted book in some tree, or to
just avoid him completely for the rest of the day.
The blonde haired youth truly had no idea what he had done wrong. What had he
done that was bad enough to piss off one of the most laid back people he had
ever met? For weeks now he had racked his brain for some sort of solution but
no matter how hard he tried to get through to the jounin he just couldn't.
Perhaps it was the fact he wasn't training hard enough? He always thought he
put 100% into becoming a fully fledged, professional shinobi. It was why he was
not sleeping well at night. He would spend hours after hours just practising
different jutsu, working on controlling his chakra and practising hard with his
throwing aim, trying his best to keep himself fit. Not only would he be
physically tired by the time he stumbled into bed but also mentally and
emotionally drained after being kept up all night reading educational scrolls
and having detrimental thoughts of not being good enough. His sensei, up until
recently, had always made him feel motivated and always supported both him and
the rest of the team to always try their hardest. Now though the silver haired
man was focusing more on Sasuke than anyone.
Having Kakashi-sensei withdraw such affection from Naruto over night was a
shock. It hurt that it wasn't the same between them anymore, infact it
surprised the young jinchuuriki how much it really did hurt. He never thought
it would be this bad. It seems that you really don't know what you've got until
it's gone. Or more like forcefully ripped away from you.
Before the blonde could carry on his trail of thought a small puff was heard
from behind him, he didn't need to look over his shoulder to know who it was.
He had given up trying to restore their friendship or student teacher
relationship long ago now. He knew a lost cause when he saw one.
"Kakashi-sensei you're la-" Sakura cut herself off when she saw the state of
the jounin standing before her.
Clad in his usual jounin outfit, flak jacket unzipped and mask, along with
Hitai-ate firmly in place, he didn't seem all that bad until you really looked.
He had a dark shadow under his eye, a sure sign of lack of sleep, slumped
posture, scruffier hair if that were even possible and from the skin that was
visible he was sporting an extremely pale complexion. Overall giving off a
rather shabby appearance. He hadn't even bothered to take out the orange book
he always carried around with him.
"Yo," was his poor excuse of a greeting, drowsiness could be heard through is
tone.
It was then that Naruto turned around and looked up at his sensei, their eyes
meeting for a few seconds. He offered a smile to the taller man but instead the
jounin quickly turned his gaze away to focus on the remaining two members of
the team, giving them his full attention like Naruto didn't exist.
"Uhhh... Today will just be basic training... Uhh, sparring and... Mmm...
Stuff..." He stated quietly, distracted by his own thoughts. He seemed so out
of character it was scary. Both Sakura and Naruto just gaped at him while
Sasuke had a disapproving look spread across his face.
An awkward silence settled between all four of them. It was then that Kakashi
decided it was best to just leave them to it and walked past the three genin,
heading towards the nearest tree, only to be stopped in his tracks by Sakura.
"Um, Kakashi-sensei? Do you think we could perhaps learn something new today?
Every task you've given us so far we've completed."
Kakashi turned around, hands in his pockets, not really looking at anything in
particular while he thought the question through. He grimaced.
"Not today Sakura, I've had a long couple of days and right now I have a
splitting headache, and anyway it won't hurt to practice a little more," the
edge of his eye crinkled, showing that he was smiling underneath his mask. He
then promptly turned back around, stalking off to his destination before
jumping onto a branch, sitting back against the tree trunk and resting his head
against it, willing his headache to disappear.
"Hn, the smell of alcohol was practically radiating off of that idiot," came
the voice of the unimpressed raven haired boy that was leant against the
railings. "So much for training... I'm out of here."
He then stalked past Sakura and Naruto back towards the village, not looking
back or even acknowledging a keen pink haired kunoichi trailing close behind
him after giving Kakashi a quick, concerned glance.
Naruto, not really sure what to do with himself but not wanting to waste
valuable training time, looked around him for some sort of inspiration. Sparing
a glance at his sensei in the distance propped up on a tree, now reading his
book, he thought for a moment to head over there and perhaps try and start a
conversation with him that would last more than a few seconds. He decided
against it though, opting to head further into the forest to practice sparring
with some of his shadow clones.
As he walked past the tree his Jounin instructor was sat in, he stopped in his
tracks and spared a glance upward, blue eyes meeting one stony, dark orb.
Neither said anything, both holding their gaze with eachother. It seemed like
an eternity before the older of the two turned his gaze away and was once again
absorbed in his book. Looking down, a sad expression pasted on Naruto's face he
mumbled something under his breath.
"What have I done wrong?" He asked to no one in particular, or so he thought.
Perhaps it really was aimed at his sensei? Not that he expected to get a reply
either way.
"Sorry Naruto, did you say something? I didn't quite catch that." Kakashi asked
with a hint of confusion in his voice. Staring blankly at the blonde who had
his head lowered, eyes fixed on one seemingly interesting spot on the ground.
"Nothing," the blonde mumbled again before continuing on his way through the
forest, emitting an air of sadness.
===============================================================================
A few weeks had passed and nothing had progressed between Naruto and Kakashi,
infact it seemed to have deteriorated. A lot of the time the jounin wouldn't
even show up for training and so each day team 7 would either spar against one
another, trying their best to learn new things about their teammates and
themselves or would sort out other experienced shinobi to help them along
whenever could. On the rare occasion that Kakashi would grace them with his
presence, often too exhausted to do anything anyway, he was bombarded with so
many ninja related questions that by the time he'd answered them half the
training time would have been wasted.
The blue eyed jinchuuriki had become even more subdued in his own thoughts and
was a mere shadow of his old self. Falling into a deep depression, he had given
up on pretty much everything, so it seemed. No longer was he the bright,
cheerful young ninja with a deep determination to overcome every obstacle in
his path, but was now more withdrawn from the people and the world around him.
The ones closest to him that had noticed his suffering had tried to help him
but nothing had prevailed as of yet. No longer was he being kept awake at night
due to extra training but because of the never ending thoughts that he would
have of his sensei. Thoughts that had turned from wanting to impresses him and
in return have Kakashi acknowledge his existence to wanting the same thing
albeit a lot more physical contact with his mentor. It couldn't be healthy. He
would often dream of being pinned down by a strong body above him, rough hands
sliding against his sensitive skin, tender lips kissing his neck.
The blue eyed blonde would always wake up panting heavily, sweat lacing his
body and once he had calmed down Naruto would consider the dream and brush it
off as being too obsessed with wanting to please his teacher and that it meant
nothing. Trying his best to completely deny the fact that he could possibly be
attracted to the older man in any way. He would then either take a cold shower
or clean up the evidence of the dream the night before.
All of team 7 on a number of occasions had asked Kakashi if they could have
extra training from him, which he would abruptly decline before saying
something about S-ranked missions.
It was then, when Naruto was heading for the training grounds in his spare
time, that he was surprised to see Sasuke getting a private lesson with none
other than the masked jounin himself.
Hiding behind a tree, the blue eyed teen decided to watch the sparring match
between the two. It wasn't long before Sasuke was overpowered and pinned to the
ground by his wrists with his sensei hovering above him. They paused in that
position for longer than was necessary before a few words were shared between
the two but Naruto was too far away to hear anything.
Once Kakashi had helped Sasuke up they started heading out of the training
grounds together, both pausing a few metres from the tree Naruto was hiding
behind, to finish their conversation.
"Mmm, yes you have improved a lot Sasuke, and I'm sure it won't be long until
you master that new jutsu of yours."
"Hah, same time next week then?" Sasuke actually sounded happy for once. A
smile was heard through his voice.
There was a short pause between their conversation. Thinking Naruto had been
caught eavesdropping he gulped in some air and held his breath.
"Right. Yea same time next week, cya Sasuke."
A few seconds later and then he could hear footsteps running off towards the
direction of the village and then heard a small puff, indicating the other
occupant had teleported.
Letting himself breath again, Naruto slumped against the tree. So Sasuke was
getting private lessons from Kakashi-sensei? The shock and curiosity of the
discovery quickly turned to anger and resentment. He was angry at Kakashi. The
amount of excuses he came up with just to avoid his pupils when they had asked
him for extra training, it pissed Naruto off to no end that his own sensei
couldn't even be bothered to teach them on a regular day, let alone show up,
but here he was meeting up with Sasuke, and maybe even Sakura, each week and in
his free time! He was extremely pissed off with the jounin, yes, but
heresented Sasuke. He resented him because Sasuke was the one being
acknowledged for his strength and prowess, Sasuke was the one learning a new
jutsu, Sasuke was the one getting extra attention from Kakashi when Naruto got
fuck all! He resented Sasuke because he wanted to be Sasuke. No. He wanted to
be in Sasukes place, to be sparring with Kakashi, to be recognized by him, to
feel his touch again.
He was abruptly bought out of his stupor though when two hands smashed into the
tree just above his head. A tall figure leered infront of him. The man kneeled
down, sliding his hands down to rest firmly either side of Naruto's head until
he was eye level with the blonde. Suddenly feeling very trapped and very
vulnerable, Naruto tried to escape the person infront of him but was stopped
when the man pushed further up against his body, slim hips placed between both
of his legs, ceasing any movement from the boy. Shutting his eyes tightly, he
prayed that no harm would come to him.
"Naruto... Stop. Calm down."
Snapping his eyes open he managed to focus his vision on the man before him.
Silver hair, one dark eye, pale skin and a mask. Yep. It was the man that
troubled his thoughts from the moment he woke up to the moment he fell asleep.
The man that haunted his dreams at night.
Suddenly realizing the close proximity of the jounin, Naruto's body couldn't
help but react. He willed himself to stay calm but was failing miserably when
he could feel the other man adjust his position slightly to get more
comfortable, hips shifting against his now half hard cock underneath his orange
trousers.
"Kakas-"
"What are you doing here Naruto? You deliberately hid yourself from me and
Sasuke."
Trying to form some sort of explanation in his jumbled thoughts, the only thing
he could come up with was, "I-I didn't want to disturb either of you s-so I
waited until you were both f-finished."
Sighing heavily, the silver haired man lowered his head, shifted his gaze from
Naruto to the floor, moving one of his gloved hands to rest on the crook of
Naruto's neck. Now unable to see the mans face, Naruto squirmed underneath his
senseis grip, a blush spreading across his cheeks.
Unconsciously, Kakashi moved his thumb, brushing against the blondes sensitive
neck. Naruto's heart beat faster, his erection firmly pressed again his
teachers body. He was hoping Kakashi hadn't noticed his arousal but his body
decided to betray him even more by leaning into the touch, his head tilted back
slightly, lips parted as he let out a quiet moan.
Snapped his head back up to meet the boys wanton gaze, cerulean blue eyes
meeting one dark. What Naruto saw reflected back at him was something Naruto
had never seen before in another person. No one had ever looked at Naruto the
way Kakashi was looking at him right now. All that Naruto could see from
Kakashi was pure want. His senseis smouldering gaze directed at him, and only
him.
Naruto's breath hitched in his throat, making his body jerk as the other mans
thumb rubbed against his neck again. The reaction alone he received from the
older man almost made him lose it. Kakashi actuallygrowled at him. He could
feel the jounins stare burning through him, seeing him, wanting him, making him
feel vulnerable but turning him on more and more the longer he was at the
receiving end of thatlook.
"Mmmnnn," was all that was heard from his sensei in desperation as the man
closed his eyes and leant in to place his masked lips centimetres from the boys
throat, breathing in the blondes scent sent a shiver through his body.
Naruto was over come by the heat of the mans body pressed against his, it was
like his dreams had become reality. He hadn't known how much he
wanted this until now.
Breathing heavily, heart hammering in his chest, he tentatively moved his hips
to gain some sort of friction, unable to control himself any longer. Moaning
from the sweet pleasure that was jolting through his body he increased the pace
of his thrusts, grabbed a handful of silver hair, feeling the body infront of
him shivering with the sheer willpower to not lose control and take the boy
there and then up against the tree.
Panting heavily, the copy nin clenched his hand that was resting against the
rough bark of the tree, desperately trying to keep himself in check. Letting
out a strangled moan against the nape of Naruto's neck, he quickly backed off,
untangling his body from the other and stood with his back to the blonde.
Not looking back at the boy that had now dropped down to sit on the floor in a
daze, Kakashi slowly raised one hand to cover his only visible eye. What the
fuck had he done? All his hard work to try and get over the fact he was
attracted to a thirteen year old, to force himself not be attracted to him...
He had fucked it up. Yes he had been avoiding the boy, he even admits that he
had been quite cruel to him but it was because of this exact reason.
He hated himself for doing this to Naruto, but it was necessary. How would
either of them live it down if he, as the responsible adult, would force
himself onto an underage child, one that was his student, if he did nothing
about his sick attraction? It scared him shitless to think what the boy did to
him whenever he was around. Even if Naruto felt them same way how could he be
so cruel as to take the kids virginity, his innocence away just for his own
pleasure? It was wrong, he was still so young. He had come so close to his well
practiced self control snapping a moment ago. As much as he loved Naruto, he
couldn't be here right now, and he wouldn't. For both of their sakes he had to
leave now.


***** Chapter 3 *****
Lowering his arm to rest limply by his side, Kakashi refused to look at the boy
sat on the ground by the tree. The silver haired nin could smell the blondes
arousal like it was taunting him, tempting him to carry on from where they had
left off.
"Kakashi-sen-"
"We have an escort mission to complete tomorrow. Meet me and the rest of the
team by the main gate at 7.00am. Don't be late," the jounin managed to croak
out, his throat feeling very dry all of a sudden, and then with a few quick
hand signs he disappeared into a cloud of smoke.
Reappearing at his apartment door, Kakashi fumbled around in his pockets to
pull out a silver key. Sliding it into the brass keyhole he hastily unlocked
the door and stepped inside. Slamming the door behind him he stumbled
backwards, his back hit solid metal and a few seconds later his rigid posture
relaxed until he looked completely at ease with his surroundings. Closing his
eyes and sighing heavily he thought about what had just conspired between him
and Naruto. What would happen now? What would he say to the kid when he next
saw him? Perhaps he should ask the Hokage for someone else to replace him as
team 7's sensei? Or perhaps he should never bring up the incident again, act
like nothing happened? It was a mistake after all. A mistake he had thoroughly
enjoyed.
Coming back to his senses he realised he still had a slight physical problem to
deal with. Groaning in frustration he briefly considered leaving it or having a
cold shower but there was no time. He had agreed to help out with team 8's
training while Kurenai was on a mission. Infact, he was already late.
Fumbling with his button and zip, the copy nin slipped his trousers and briefs
down past his slim hips and pulled his leaking erection out. Hissing at the
sensation as he wrapped his gloved hand around the hard length and swiped the
precum with his thumb agonisingly slowly around his tip, lingering within the
sensation that was almost too pleasurable that it bordered on painful. With his
heart beating fast within his chest and his breathing rapidly sped up, he
starting pumping his cock slowly. The thoughts that sped through his mind were
of Narutos lithe frame trapped against the tree by the copy nins body, the
smell of the boys scent mixed with arousal hovering in the air around them,
Naruto grinding his erection against Kakashis hip, moaning aloud in pleasure.
Speeding up his repetitive hand movement against the warm hardness beneath it,
his thoughts turned to what could have happened if he had let the situation
progress. He would have most likely taken the blonde up against the tree or
perhaps on the grassy floor. Or would he have been able to hold back until he
could fuck Naruto senseless on the bed that was mere metres away from him now?
The hand around his cock right now could have been someone else's, or perhaps
someone's else's mouth or...
His movements became jerky as he thrust his hips upwards in an attempt to
increase his own pleasure as he could feel his climax approaching. Yes. If he
had let himself lose control today he would have made sure Naruto couldn't walk
for atleast a week.
Parting his lips beneath his mask, Kakashi let his head fall back against the
door, a gutteral moan escaped past his dry throat as he shuddered through his
orgasm, cumming hard he tried his best to restrain the name that wanted to slip
past his lips. Naruto...
The only noise in the room was the jounins heavy panting and the occasional
drip of his release hitting the wooden floor beneath him. As he was slowly
dragged back down after his orgasm induced high, reality hit him. The guilt
that Kakashi had been experiencing over the last few months came flooding back
tenfold. He had never willingly fantasized about Naruto so openly while
pleasure himself, or atleast not without putting up some sort of inward battle
about morals and such. This was so, so wrong...
Grabbing some tissue from the bathroom he cleaned himself and the floor up,
rearranging his jounin uniform to look more respectful again. Clenching his
fists tightly by his sides he tried his best to restrain the anger and self
loathing fighting up a storm inside of him. It made him feel sick. How was he
ever going to get over lusting after a young boy? He had tried and tried over
and over again to stop himself but nothing was working! It was even effecting
his sex life to the point that he couldn't bring himself to even be with anyone
anymore, perhaps unless on the rare occasion he met a blue eyed blonde woman,
but even then he was at the constant risk of saying the wrong name during his
orgasm... It was too risky and was quite frankly making him paranoid.
Growling out loud in frustration he slammed his hand into the plastered wall,
leaving a fist sized hole in his wake. Not moving as cracks spread across the
wall he leant his forehead against the smooth surface, closing his eye.
Standing there with his fist still buried within the plaster, the stinging
sensation from his knuckles finally being processed through his mind, he took
deep breathes in and out, calming himself down after the sudden outburst of
rage.
'What should I do?'
He frowned.
Grimacing in pain as he removed his hand from the cracked plaster he could see
the cuts left on his fingers and could feel the damage done to his knuckles
underneath his glove. His hand, to his annoyance, was dripping quite a lot of
blood. Grabbing some bandages from the bathroom draw he removed his glove,
cleaned the wounds and disinfected them, then started wrapping the soft white
fabric around his hand and wrist. It would have to do for now.
Halfway through tending to his wound he heard a loud knock at the door. Walking
across the room he twisted the doorknob with his free hand and pulled the door
open. Standing just outside was a short boy with a small white dog.
"Ah. Kiba is it? With Akamaru?" Kakashi asked blandly, continuing to wrap the
bandage around his wounded hand, staring at the youth before him.
"Uh yea... Hi Kakashi-sensei. I was sent here to-"
Frowning, Kiba cut himself off, sniffing the air intently before abruptly
ceasing his actions, a pink tinge spreading across his face. Averting his eyes
downward he continued. "To remind you that you were meant to meet up with our
team today... Incase you'd... Y'know... Forgotten..."
Shifting uncomfortably under Kakashi's gaze, he waited patiently for a reply.
'Hmmm, I wonder what's gotten into him' Kakashi thought.
"No I hadn't forgotten." Kiba's blush deepened. "But..." Kakashi patted his
trouser pockets a couple of times before reaching into his supply pouch.
Seemingly unsuccessful in his search he shrugged. "I seem to have misplaced my
book. I was so busy looking for it I must have not realized the time. Anyway,
let's get going."
Walking out of the apartment, he turned to lock the door. It was then that Kiba
caught sight of the blood seeping through the older mans newly placed bandage.
"Sensei your hand... Are you-"
"It's fine Kiba, I just hurt it earlier while sparring." He turned to the boy
giving him an eye smile to reassure him before walking in the direction of the
training grounds.
Not completely convince by the excuse team 8's substitute teacher had given
him, the brunette decided to leave it and headed after Kakashi to spend the
remainder of the day training.
Arriving at the training ground Kakashi caught sight of Shino and Hinata, to
his relief Naruto was nowhere to be seen. Giving the two genin a quick greeting
he showed them step by step what their training would entail for the next few
hours while he kept an eye on them.
While he was here he may aswell look for his Icha Icha book, it was the last
place he had had it after all, before the incident. He briefly wondered how he
had even managed to lose it, he always kept it in his supply pouch when he
wasn't reading it. Giving the others reassurance that if they needed any help
they need only ask, he bounced off in search of his beloved orange book.
A few hours had passed and still there was no sign of the item anywhere.
'Perhaps someone had picked it up earlier. Ah well I'll check it out when I get
back from the next mission.'
Noticing the sun was lowering and the light fading Kakashi headed back to where
team 8 were training, waving them over so he could end the session.
"Ok guys I think that's enough for today, time to get going."
The three genin nodded their thanks but only two of the three turned and
sprinted off towards the village. The Hyuga of the group was standing
sheepishly next to Kakashi with her hands behind her back, slight blush gracing
her porcelain cheeks and staring intently at the ground.
"Um Kakashi-sensei? A-are you seeing N-Naruto tomorrow?" she stuttered shyly,
not removing her grey eyes from their fixed point on the ground.
Rubbing the back of his head Kakashi felt utterly exhausted. He had no time for
young girls and their silly little crushes and was in no mood to talk about
Naruto of all people. Holding back a sigh he considered saying no, but what was
the point? He may aswell hear what she had to say.
"Yeah sure, is there something you need him for?"
"I- Um I-" Hinata blushed to an even deeper red, shifting uncomfortably. "I-
um," Kakashi, looking down at her with his well practiced 'bored' look, which
was now leaning more towards frustration as the seconds ticked by. He really
wasn't in the mood for this.
"Hinata? Is this leading anywhere or...?"
"Y-yes sorry Kakashi-sensei, I was wondering if you c-could pass this on to N-
Naruto," Reaching into her trouser pocked she pulled out a folded, white piece
of paper with the name 'Naruto' sprawled across the front in fancy handwriting.
Some sort of love note or confession by the looks of it. He wasn't surprised,
everyone knew how much she was pining after Naruto. Heh... He was one to talk.
Handing it out tentatively to Kakashi, still not making any eye contact, he
took it from her before frowning slightly and slipping it into his pocket. The
poor girl looked like she was going to faint.
"Of-course. I'll hand it to him first thing in the morning," hoping that that
was all she wanted to say so he could start making his way home, looking
forward to a nice dinner, warm shower and a good nights sleep.
Finally looking up and making brief eye contact, cheeks still pink, she gave
him a bright smile. "Thanks Kakashi-sensei, I hope you have a good night."
She then bowed politely before taking off through the now orange tinted
twilight surroundings. Finely-shaped eyebrows knitted together in curiosity as
Kakashi briefly pondered what was written on the letter Hinata had handed him.
It was very tempting to pull it out of his pocket and take a quick look but he
knew better. It was none of his business after all... But still, if it had
something to do with Naruto... No. It was nothing to do with Kakashi, after all
he should be happy that the young jinchuuriki could have a potential girlfriend
within the next few weeks. He should be happy.
Grimacing, he stuffed his hands into his pockets, his posture nonchalant and
relaxed as ever as he made his way home slowly, enjoying the peaceful
atmosphere that usually graced Konoha in the evenings.
===============================================================================
Groaning, Naruto collapsed onto his bed, face buried in his plump pillow. He
had just gotten back from being treated to Ichiraku ramen by Iruka, who had,
throughout the whole evening, asked multiple times whether he had a girlfriend
yet and starting hinting towards Hinata being the one to solve all his problems
like she was a god send. Shame Hinata wasn't the focus of his affections
though.
Sighing, he flipped himself over so he was lying on his back, body spread out
like a starfish. Staring up at the ceiling thoughts flitted through his mind of
earlier this morning. He felt like an idiot, he should have known better than
to assume Kakashi-sensei had wanted him in that way or come to think of it in
any way atall considering how the jounin had been treating him the past few
months. And here he was, not being able to control his own stupid body and had
resorted to rutting against his own sensei like some untrained dog.
And then Kakashi had stood up and refused to look at him atall, instead stating
their next mission would be starting tomorrow morning before abruptly leaving
him without even a glance over his shoulder. He must have felt so disgusted
with Naruto that he was sure that what little him and his sensei had had
previously was now completely ruined. And then there was the look that the
taller man had directed at him. Had Naruto misinterpreted it? Most likely. Even
if it had been what it was it sure as hell wasn't for his own student.
'Way to go Naruto for fucking things up again.'
And to top it all off Naruto had had to run to the nearest public bathroom to
sort his own 'problem' out. The whole time thinking about his own silver
haired, masked teacher screwing him up against the bathroom wall.
He felt absolutely mortified with himself. He wasn't really sure what to say to
the man next time he saw him - which would be in roughly... 4 hours time.
Great. Another sleepless night, had he really been lying here this long? He
decided the best option was to just pretend it never happened.
'Hmmph, I better get some sleep.'
Sitting up and twisting his body to slide off the bed, he removed his clothing,
letting it drop to the floor so that he was clad in only his shuriken patterned
boxers. Walking to the small kitchen and grabbing a glass from the cupboard, he
poured himself a drink of water, letting the cool liquid slide down his dry
throat. Leaving the glass by the sink he made his way back to the bed with only
the moonlight streaming in from the window to guide him.
He slipped under the covers and rested his head on the pillow, unruly bright
yellow hair spread out around him. He closed his beautiful blue eyes and waited
for the darkness of sleep to consume him. Yet sleep wouldn't take him, instead
left him to suffer with his inner turmoil a little longer. Thoughts drifted to
something Iruka had suggested he do to help express his true emotions, even if
they were not spoken aloud.
Flashback.
He was sat on one of the branches of a tree in his free time, looking out at
the four shinobi practicing taijutsu. He had no idea who they were, he had
never met them before but sitting here alone just watching people come and go
made him feel relaxed and also seemed the only thing to inspire him to carry on
his ninja training. He was losing inspiration fast with all the mixed emotions
that were building up inside of him and the lack of support he was getting. He
was usually so outgoing and had no trouble expressing how he felt but this was
not something he felt comfortable enough to speak to anyone about.
Feeling a presence jump up to sit next to him, he knew who it was before the
other even managed to speak.
"Hey Naruto," Iruka offered the young boy a friendly smile.
Tilting his head to the side he offered the brunette a half-hearted grin. "Hey
Iruka-sensei."
Not really bothering to initiate a conversation he turned his attention back to
the four figures below them.
"Feeling down again huh? Anything I can help with?" A hint of sadness and worry
laced through his voice.
Feeling guilty that he couldn't even keep an appearance up for his friends,
Naruto just shook his head. "Sorry Iruka-sensei, I'm just not up for anything
today."
"Hmm ok Naruto," there was a pause for a moment. "Y'know if it's something you
don't feel comfortable talking to anyone about you can always write your inner
most thoughts down on some paper or in a diary. It helps relieve tension for a
lot of people, especially shinobi who have seen a lot of terrible things and
have a hard time expressing how they feel. It's better than keeping it all in
afterall, and you don't need to be a genius to know that that's not good for
your health. Just be sure to either burn the piece of paper after or just don't
read it back to yourself until you're more mentally stable. There's no point
absorbing your problems again after you've just written them all out." Turning
his head to the boy sitting next to him, the boy he considered a son, he gave
him a smile.
"Anyway, I'm off, got a few things to do at the academy but if you need
anything you know where to find me."
"Ah thanks Iruka-sensei, you've been very helpful," Naruto said quietly sending
the chunnin a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.
Ruffling the boys hair, Iruka turned around and jumped off the tree to land
gracefully on his feet, giving Naruto one last worried look before walking off.
End flashback.
Seemingly not being able to get any sleep, Naruto rolled onto his side and
reached over to search the bedside table draw for his diary and a pen. Ever
since Iruka had mentioned writing his problems down, almost two months ago, he
had been doing it pretty much every night. It had become a sort of habit now
and part of his daily routine. As Iruka had said, write down your problems but
don't reread them, and Naruto had stuck to that, never looking back at what he
had written.
Sprawling down the first things that came to mind, the things that were most
bothering him, even the smallest of troubles that upset him even if they seemed
stupid, he started to feel better with every sentence he wrote. When he finally
finished he closed the diary and let it rest on his lap while he rubbed his
wrist and moved his fingers about, attempting to regain some feeling into them.
Looking at the clock next to him it flashed 4:52am. Naruto looked out the
window and could see the blackness of the night start to give way to the first
morning rays.
Sighing, he let himself drop back to lay flat on the mattress, not managing to
find the energy to move. Letting his heavy eyelids droop he felt himself shift
silently into the realm of sleep. His last thoughts being that of his sensei.
That night he did not dream.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Casually striding towards the main gate, hands in his pockets, the morning sun
reflecting off of silver hair, Kakashi casually registered that none of his
team had shown up yet apart from the young Uchiha.
It wasn't surprising though, there was still fifteen minutes to wait until 7am.
What was surprising was the fact that the infamously late ninja had actually
shown up on time for once, not only that but was early.
Reaching the arranged meeting place he offered an eye smile to the boy standing
before him.
"Good morning Sasuke, how are you?"
"Good morning sensei."
Kakashi observed the raven haired boy, mere feet away from him. Looking up at
the man through glossy, dark bangs, a strangely seductive look could be
perceived through glazed eyes as a half smile grace his lips. "I feel a lot
better now."
Frowning ever so slightly Kakashi thought it may have been a one-off, deciding
to leave it for now but noted the strange speculation within the recesses of
his mind to analyse at a further date. In the mean time he was going keep an
eye on the kids strange behaviour.
Sensing a familiar chakra approaching, he turned his head away from Sasuke and
was greeted with the sight of Sakura sprinting towards them, waving.
"Hey Sasuke! Hey sensei! I'm not late am I?" The pink haired girl shouted in
greeting.
Finally reaching her destination she stopped by the two males. Panting heavily
from her exertion she bent over, placing her hands on her knees.
"Hello Sakura. No you're not late, we've still got ten minutes to spare."
"Oh ok," she responded with a smile, "I see we're waiting on Naruto still. I
heard this is an escort mission? Who are we escorting Kakashi-sensei?"
Sasuke, seemingly intent on knowing the answer aswell, fixed his gaze on
Kakashi. A very similar gaze as to the one before. Looking away from the Uchiha
he lifted a hand from his pocket, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. He
concentrated more of his attention on the kunoichi, feeling quite uncomfortable
with the boy's eyes boring into him like that. He could have been mistaken but
swore he could feelSasuke eyeing his sturdy form up from head to toe. It wasn't
an easy feat to unnerve Hatake Kakashi with one look.
"What an accomplishment," Kakashi murmured, the words uttered barely audible to
anyone but himself.
Sakura seemed to be oblivious to it all.
"We are escorting a young lady to the village hidden in the grass. She is a VIP
and there is reason for suspicion that there may be a group of rouge ninja
planning to kidnap her and hold her for ransom. That is why she requested that
shinobi accompany her on her journey home. Our job is to make sure she arrives
safely."
Both students nodded their understanding as an uncomfortable silence settled
between all three of them. Kakashi, without having a book to pull out to add to
his usual air of indifference, didn't really have a clue what to do with
himself. He knew he should try and strike up a conversation with his students
but having not spent a lot of time around them lately, didn't have a clue what
to say. He was soon saved though when Sakura started her usual attempts at
wooing Sasuke into a date and looking disappointed when he brushed her off with
his cool exterior. It uneased Kakashi that every chance the boy got he spared a
glimpse in his direction. How had he not noticed this before now?
Ten minutes or so passed and soon a tall, slim young lady was escorted to the
main gate by a brown haired chunnin that Kakashi had never met before.
"Team Kakashi?" The chunnin asked wearily.
"Yes, we are team Kakashi," the jounin confirmed.
Eyeing the three shinobi up, a brief look of uncertainty flittered across his
face before his previous irritable expression was once again on display.
"Aren't there meant to be four of you?"
The copy nin, brushing the man's crude behaviour off, fleetingly pondered where
the hell Naruto was. He specifically told him not to be late. Before he could
reply, Sakura interjected the conversation.
"Naruto is always late! I'm sure he'll be here soon."
"Mmm yea well ok, she's all yours now," the chunnin, not waiting for a reply
sprinted off and jumped onto the nearest roof before disappearing from view.
"What the hell was his problem!?" An exasperated Sakura hollered.
Shrugging, the silver haired nin turned to the lady before him. She had elegant
features, dark eyes and pale complexion. long white silky hair was held up by a
top notched ponytail that let her soft locks cascade down her back. She wore a
green and black kimono, emerald studded golden jewellery strapped around her
throat and wrists. In one hand she held a backpack and in the other a
deliciously juicy looking red apple.
"Hello, I'm Kakashi and these two -" he gestured in turn to each student, "are
Sasuke and Sakura. We are just waiting on one other to show up before we head
off. His name is Naruto."
Both students nodded their greeting while Kakashi offered her an eye smile in
attempt to be friendly.
Offering the team a bright grin, she looked over each figure infront of her.
"Greetings, Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura, it is nice to meet you. You may call me
Kayoko." She bowed.
===============================================================================
Kakashi, having resorted to leaning against one of the large wooden gates, arms
crossed over his chest, was peering at the white puffy clouds that drifted
across the pale blue sky. While Sasuke was in a similar position staring
intently at the stony ground, Sakura was standing with one hand on her hip and
one hand balled into a tight fist by her side, anger increasing with every
passing minute. As for Kayoko, she was standing in the exact same position as
she was forty-five minutes ago, having consumed her apple out of boredom.
A loud huff was heard from the pink haired kounichi's trembling form. The hand
that was placed on her hip was now by her side, mimicking her other hand.
"GRRRR! Kakashi-sensei where the hell is Naruto!? He's almost an hour late!"
Outrage radiated through her voice.
It was true. With Naruto continuously on his mind as it was, Kakashi had been
wondering the same thing for forty minutes now.
With a loud sigh he pushed his athletic form away from the large gate to stand
straight, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose.
"Mah, you're right Sakura, I have no idea what's taking him so long. I'll head
over to his flat and take a look. I'll be back shortly."
===============================================================================
Tapping his foot irritably, standing outside of Naruto's apartment door,
Kakashi knocked again for the fourth time.
"Naruto? Are you in there?"
No answer.
Having become impatient and fed up with waiting, the jounin rapidly made his
way around to Naruto's bedroom window, bringing a hand up to knock loudly on
the glass.
The figure on the bed stirred in his sleep, sticking an arm out of the orange
duvet to fumble around for his electronic alarm clock.
Clearly only just registering the time through his sleep hazed mind, a
muffled 'shit' was heard from behind the window before the duvet was flung
across the bed and a blur of yellow hair and tanned skin swung himself out of
bed, clad only in his boxers. Tripping over the pile of clothes left on the
floor from last night he promptly face planted the hard wooden surface of his
floorboards.
Stifling a laugh, Kakashi knocked loudly on the window again. He saw Naruto
turn his head to look up at the window, a startled expression gracing his
aesthetic features. A muffled groan of pain was heard as the boy pushed himself
up off the floor. He ran over to the window, opened it up and took a few steps
back to let his sensei in.
"Kakashi-sensei," he greeted with a jaded smile.
Kakashi gracefully jumped down from the windowsill and gave Naruto a once over.
Startled, he wished he hadn't and directed his gaze elsewhere, anywhere but the
boy.
"Ah... Naruto..." He sputtered, coughing as he deliberately shifted his head to
the side and fixed his eye on one of the, now very interesting, walls.
Thoroughly confused by Kakashi's reaction, the blonde knitted his eyebrows
together. Thinking that it was perhaps his lack of attire, he looked down to
study himself only to be greeted with the sight his tented boxers. He went a
profusely bright shade a red.
"AHHH!" He shouted, stumbling back. Feeling utterly embarrassed he grabbed part
of the duvet hanging off the end of the bed to hide his erection.
Naruto just stood there, face red and hands fisting the duvet over his private
area while he shifted from one foot to the other, willing his erection to
disappear. It's quite difficult to do such a thing when the man you're lusting
after is mere feet away from you.
Screwing his eyes shut he tried to think of unappealing images and not ones
related to his teacher bending him over the bed and fucking him senseless right
there and then.
Naruto bit his lip.
'Damn it.'
Turning around, he sprinted towards his bathroom, shouting "cold shower," over
his shoulder.
Kakashi, letting out a shaky breath gave the room infront of him a nonchalant
look. He walked over to one of the corners where a dark green backpack was sat
up against the wall. Hearing a few loud bumps and then the spray of the shower,
the copy nin grabbed the object and searched the younger boys room for some
clean clothes and underwear along with various needed equipment for the weeks
journey ahead of them.
While his search for everything else was successful he couldn't find a tent or
a sleeping bag. He had looked in, around and on top of the wardrobe and draws
but still hadn't come across any camping equipment. Luckily he had a spare
sleeping bag the boy could have. He made his way over to the bed, bending down
he picked up the orange duvet that had been dragged across the floor and spread
it across the bed to make it look atleast half decent. As he did so a blur of
black caught his eye as the object tumbled out of the duvet, landing on a pile
of clothes on the floor.
Curiosity getting the better of him he walked around the bed to kneel down and
grab the object. It seemed to be a book apart from it had no title, or no words
for that matter, atall on the front or back of the black cover. He ran a gloved
hand over the smooth surface and opened up to the first page. Reading the big,
handwritten letters sprawled messily across the lined paper it said 'Naruto's
diary'. Musing to himself he briefly noted the roughly sketched suriken and
bowls of ramen.
'I didn't know Naruto actually went out of his way to write... Or draw.' He
chuckled under his breath.
A click of a door was heard from behind him indicating the other was out of the
shower. Quickly slipping the black book into his supply pouch he turned around
and was greeted with the sight of an almost naked Naruto with a white towel
wrapped around his hips, hair dripping wet. Kakashi eyed the droplets of water
sliding their way ever so slowly down the boys torso, past his belly button to
be soaked up by the fluffy white material. It took all of his willpower in that
moment to not just ravish the boy infront of him. He tore his eye away from the
soaked genin and visibly gulped before chastising himself for letting his sight
linger on Naruto's sun kissed body for longer than was necessary.
"Oh hey, thanks for packing my stuff Kakashi-sensei! I'm sorry I'm so late."
Turning around to distract himself from his perverted thoughts he carried on
his search for the tent by looking under the bed, only to be met by a thick
layer of dust.
"Mah, it's fine Naruto," without looking he chucked Naruto's usual orange
jumpsuit in the blonde's direction. "Get changed, we should have left over an
hour ago. Oh and where's your tent?"
Grabbing the clothes that were roughly chucked at him he visibly pondered the
question for a minute or two, finally deciding on an answer.
"Oh that..." Kakashi sensed there was a long and painful story behind 'the
missing tent' but was glad when the boy thought it best to just skip that
entirely. "I don't have one."
"Ok you'll just have to share with Sasuke." Standing up and brushing himself
off, the jounin turned and faced Naruto who was slipping his orange jacket on
over a short sleeved black top, a disappointed expression on his face.
'How the hell did he get dressed so fast?' Kakashi tilted his head and gave
Naruto an odd look.
Refusing to look at Kakashi, Naruto grabbed his supply pouch, double checked
the contents and then strapped it hastily around his waist before picking up
the heavy backpack and slinging it over his shoulders.
Giving the room a quick glance over he made his way to the front door.
"Ready to go sensei!" Naruto sent a bright smile in his direction that didn't
quite reach his blue eyes.
Nodding, the older of the two made his way over to the jinchuuriki. Leaving the
apartment they jumped from roof to roof until they got to the main gate.
After being greeted by the full brunt of Sakura's rage and Sasuke's abhorrent
glares while being called a 'dobe', Naruto and the others made their way out of
the village at a fast pace, making up for lost time.
===============================================================================
They'd been trudging through the forest for half a day now and by the fatigued
looks that could be seen on the three younger ninjas it was time to have a
short lunch break.
Settling in a nearby clearing the three genin lowered themselves to the ground,
panting heavily. Sasuke and Sakura fumbled around in their bag until they
pulled out a rice ball each. Naruto had collapsed onto his back, a cool breeze
ruffling his blonde hair and hot face. He closed his eyes and took a deep
breath in, calming his racing heart.
Kakashi, having years of experience with away missions wasn't really phased by
the distance they'd travelled and by the looks of it neither was Kayoko. Happy
to skip lunch and take the shift as look out, he let the others know before
jumping into a tree, hidden from view.
Closing his eye he focused his finely tuned senses on his surroundings. Not
finding any foreign chakra signatures he deemed it safe enough for now.
Reaching behind him, Kakashi pulled out the black diary he had found earlier.
Sitting back against the tree trunk, he turned the diary over in his hands.
These were most likely Naruto's own private thoughts. Kakashi had no right to
read them. So why did he take it? It was a spur of the moment thing wasn't it?
After all he had been distracted at the time. The stuff written down couldn't
be that bad, I mean... He's a thirteen year old boy.
'So what if he's thirteen, by the time you were ten you'd seen a lot more than
Naruto had.' A little voice nagged at him at the back of his mind.
Pushing the thought away he eyed the black book, flicking through the pages to
see just how much Naruto had written. Quite a bit for someone who seemed to not
be able to sit in one place for more than ten minutes.
'I could read one page and return it when I get back to Konoha... Naruto
doesn't need to know. One page wouldn't hurt.'
He reached to open up to the second page when he stilled his actions, having
second thoughts. After all how would he feel if someone intruded in on his
privacy like he was about to do with his own student? He would resent it.
Kakashi of all people should understand, he enjoyed his privacy very much –
enough to go the extremes of hiding his own face. If someone were to betray him
like he was about to do to Naruto he would lose trust in them completely. Plus
he didn't exactly have a valid reason to go reading through his own students
personal thoughts. It's not like the boy was a danger to himself or others. He
wouldn't betray the village. He had no reason to be suspicious. So why was he
even debating whether he should waste precious time reading through the
pointless drabbles of a teenage boy.
'They're not pointless though, Kakashi, are they?' The voice within his mind
said, almost mocking him. 'Anyway, I'm sure the stuff in the diary is more to
do about ramen and Sakura than anything' it mused.
Flicking open the book to the first section of handwritten words he read the
date. Almost two months old. As he started to skim the paragraph line by line
he deeply regretted even picking up the diary in the first place but found he
couldn't put it down.
===============================================================================
23rd March.
Have you ever just sat down and wondered; 'what the hell am I doing with my
life?'
Because I have. My life has been filled with moments where I just look back and
think; 'what am I doing? This isn't me.'
So many times, I've wanted to just be myself, but I can't, or won't.
Am I too scared, too frightened? I don't know. I mean, it's not like I'm not
comfortable with who I am, I'm fine just being me.
But time after time, I always seem to make these bad decisions... Like, I'll be
about to do something, and I know what I should do, I know what I want to do,
but then before I get a chance to do it, I just go ahead and do the complete
opposite. I'm filled with instant regret, and I just stand there wondering why
on Earth I just did that. And why is it that of late my life feels like it
needs to be driven by some kind of motivation.
Motivation that never comes, I can't just do things for the sake of doing them,
I can't even do the things I want to, all because of this horrible feeling, I
just sit here doing nothing, slowly feeling my life eb away. And then it's back
to the same thing, I act like I'm okay, like I'm on top of things.
I'll get there eventually right?
Wrong.
It's all an act. But hey, I guess that's what I'm good at, acting.
All my life I just lie to people, lie to myself, delude myself into this
insufferable stupor. And again, this feeling that I need motivation, I need
someone to give me a push.
But I know no ones coming, I know that motivation is never going to come, the
only way to fix this is to do it myself. I know that. But I still feel
helpless, I know I can do it. I know I want to, but then, why do I still sit
here lying to myself?
Why?
I surely don't know.
And all this time I have horrible impending fear that something really bad is
going to happen. But still, nothing. Nothing seems to drive me to do what I
want. Nothing.
Nothing.
Maybe. Maybe him.
All I do is sit around and collect these useless thoughts in any way I can, be
it combat, missions or writing. All of them mean the same thing.
I don't even know why I'm still awake. Ok maybe I do, I just won't admit it.
All I want to do is cry out for help. I know I have Iruka who would jump at the
chance to help me, but this is not something anyone can or should know.
I have to remain strong and fend for myself. The world and my bitterness have
turned me selfish. Which is as far from me as possible.
But if I keep acting this way, then I really am going to end up like this
forever. I know what I need to do, it's just, I need one last thing, one last
missing piece in order to do it.
And I have no idea what that missing piece might be.
Him.
Until then I guess I'll just have to keep falling down the endless abyss of my
own personal nightmare. But oh well, in a few hours I'm meeting Sakura and
Sasuke again. Maybe him if im lucky.
I'll probably pass by a lot of people, maybe exchanging a few passing words. To
them I'm probably no one, just another guy.
But I pay attention to every last one of them, and all I want is for one of
them to just reach out and talk to me, stay with me for a bit. End the
insufferable pain of my every waking moment, end the thoughts of him.
But to them, on the surface, I'll still look the starry eyed weirdo just
passing by; 'the demon vessel', and they'll be none the wiser to how I really
feel.
I'll probably just lie in bed for the next few hours, cower in fear of my own
being and unwanted thoughts I endure endlessly until I have to get up and do
some work. I'll most likely fail as usual.
Him. It's always him. It always will be.
***** Chapter 5 *****
24th March
Today I met up with Sasuke and Sakura and we took turns sparring with each
other. Sakura seems to be warming up to me more, probably because we are now
forced to rely more on each other to learn since Kakashi-sensei never seems to
be around anymore. I can't help but think I've done something wrong. Is it all
my fault?
Even though Sakura seems to be enjoying my subdued behavior, Sasuke seems to
dislike me more by the day. After having put up with years of abuse from the
villagers, seeing hate filled eyes directed my way is nothing new but the ones
I receive from Sasuke when he thinks I'm not looking really puts me on edge. He
seems to have a knack for making you feel like he's looking into your very
soul.
I'd always thought me and Sasuke got on well up until this point, infact I
enjoy training with him. Sure we don't act like we get on, He calls me 'dobe'
and I call him 'teme'. Not once with malicious intent though. We are rivals.
but it only spurs us on to become greater shinobi.
Never up until now though has he ever directed such hate in my direction. He is
another that I would consider 'friend' but does he feel the same way? I was so
sure we had a bond between us but now I'm starting to think that perhaps it has
always been a one sided thing.
No of course not. He may act like a cold hearted bastard but I know that he's
not underneath.
Just angry; I can relate in a way.
I don't think either of them have noticed my depression. Which means my mask is
still good enough. Which means it hasn't yet slipped. I don't want them to
know. Any of them. Especially Kakashi-sensei. What an awkward conversation that
would be.
Like he needs to deal with a depressed student on top of all of his other hard
work. Then again I doubt he would really care all that much anyway. I know he
hasn't been around that much but surely with such excellent perception skills
he has noticed my change in behavior?
What am I saying? He's been busy with missions, that's why he rarely shows up
anymore. Not because of me. I like to think that he would care how I felt.
I hope so anyway...
After departing ways with Sasuke and Sakura, I went to see if there were any D-
rank missions available.
Usually I'd head to Ichiraku's but I've had no appetite recently. It's probably
just a stomach bug or something.
I was given a shitty mission - plucking weeds from various elderly peoples
gardens. Why should I complain? It's these mind numbing missions that keep me
distracted from thoughts I don't want or need.
Still him. It always is.
The Sandaime spoke to me today, I hadn't seen him in a while. He asked if I was
alright. How I was feeling. I wanted to tell him the truth, I really did. I
considered telling him about the lack of training team 7 had been receiving,
but why should I when it's one of his best shinobi I would be talking about. It
would be pretty selfish to get Kakashi-sensei in trouble just to reassure the
old man that that was the only problem bothering me.
I wouldn't want him to get in trouble. I don't want him to hate me more than he
already does. It would be more for the others sake than mine anyhow. I don't
really care all that much about my well-being anymore.
I got told I looked pale. Probably the stomach bug.
After my mission I headed home; knackered but yet, I'm sat here still writing
this, which is a sure sign I'll be getting no sleep again. Fuck it. Who cares
anyway?
I don't. It's a good thing. Do you know how fucking sick it makes me feel
having to wake up every morning and deal with my 'problem' with only thoughts
of him that bring me to my release?
I saw him today. I didn't speak, he didn't even know I was watching him. It
looked like he'd just returned from a hard mission. I shouldn't be watching
him. I should have just gone home.
I can't help myself.
It's disgusting how I can't control what I do anymore. I'm scared that this
'crush' which is bordering on obsession is consuming me whole. I feel that
without him I'd be nothing. He is more me than I actually am.
Without him I'm nothing.
How can someone I barely know mean so much to me? Come to think of it, I don't
know anything about his past... More reason to find out.
What am I saying? He can barely look at me let alone talk about his life story.
===============================================================================
26th March
I miss having dreams.
Normal dreams I mean.
My goal in life was to become Hokage but there's only one goal that I have set
for myself now, one that I'm still not entirely sure I want. It's leading me
down a path of self destruction and I don't know how to find my way out of it.
The chance of success in this particular goal are extremely low. I'll be lucky
to make it out alive.
===============================================================================
30th March
Fuck.
I was in hospital for three days after letting my fucking guard down - after
getting fucking distracted by none other than Kakashi-sensei for one second.
Yea he actually showed up for a regular training day for once.
It was one v one, only taijutsu allowed, along with kunai. It was nothing
unusual; a simple warm up really.
But me being the idiot that I am had stood there - in the middle of a fight -
locking eyes with my own sensei; Completely oblivious to the world around me. I
saw the look in my mentor's eyes before I felt the pain. When the pain finally
came it hit hard.
All I remember was the burning sensation in my side from where Sasuke had
stabbed me with quite some force. Looking down I saw an alarming amount of
blood soaking through my orange jacket. At some point I must have tried to stop
the bleeding with my hands seeing that those too were soaked in the crimson
liquid.
I felt my head hit the hard ground rather forcefully before everything turned
black. The next minute, or so it seemed, I woke up in a clean white room of
Konoha hospital.
I've been pretty much locked up in there since. My wound must have been pretty
serious but thanks to Kyuubi the rate at which I heal is a lot faster than the
average human.
I'm grateful for that since I've been so bored, I wasn't even allowed to go
outside. All there really was to do was read ridiculous magazines about the
latest gossip floating around Konoha. 'Who's hot and who's not?' Heh, I guess I
could agree with some of the opinions written in there.
It was that or sleep. And I really didn't want to sleep. Especially with nurses
coming into my room every few hours.
Another thing that was grating at my nerves was not being able to write. I
thought I was gunna go mad!
I had to admit though, the pain in my side distracted me for a while. It
distracted me quite well actually. Even from the thoughts of him. Infact in a
way I sort of enjoyed the pain; like I deserved every bit of it. A sort of
punishment. Hmmm. It didn't last for long though; one of the damn consequences
of having a demon sealed within me. That and the fact that a nurse decided to
pump morphine into my blood stream. Bitch.
What am I saying? Am I turning into some sort of masochist?
But hey, atleast I managed to get some sleep without the usual dreams and
regular arousal as payment for waking up. I should knock myself out more often.
Heh but anyway, it's nice to be back at home again. My wound has almost
completely healed and will probably not even leave a scar. I can't help but
feel a bit disappointed.
A brief thought - did anyone actually come to visit me other than Iruka-sensei
being the one person I was to see while conscious? Did the rest of team 7
bother? I doubt it, I shouldn't have such high expectations.
===============================================================================
Kakashi remembered that day well. He was ashamed to say that he was unabashedly
eyeing up Naruto while he was in the midst of a battle, rolling around in the
dirt with Sasuke. For a brief moment they locked eyes, almost a second later
Sasuke went through with his attack on Naruto.
He didn't know what the boy was playing at, the Uchiha had had enough time to
stop himself before the blow hit. So why didn't he?
Once Kakashi rushed Naruto to hospital and left him within the safe hands of
the medical ninja, he went to confront Sasuke.
The boy was a good liar, he'd give him that. If it weren't for the private
lessons Kakashi was giving him in his free time he probably would have believed
the 'it was an accident' story.
The truth was that the copy nin couldn't really do anything about it. He had no
evidence that Sasuke deliberately hurt Naruto, neither had he been a witness to
any past experiences such as this between the two. After all, like Naruto had
stated, he was never really around to teach them anymore.
He felt guilty about it. He knew he could handle the work taking on a genin
team but had let them down just because he was having inappropriate thoughts
about one of the party. He was a bad teacher. He was weak.
He supposed that's why he took on Sasuke when he had asked him for extra
training. Atleast he could do something useful, after all he was better
equipped to teach Sasuke a lot more than he could Sakura and probably Naruto.
'You're lying to yourself again.'
Kakashi had been so caught up with trying to avoid Naruto for his own selfish
means that he had completely missed the boys descent into unhappiness. It was
clear he was distressed about the lack of training and contact he was meant to
be having with his own sensei. And on top of that there was this unhealthy
obsession with this man that had yet to be named... Kakashi had always thought
the aesthetically pleasing young boy's attentions were focused solely on women.
The copy nin was quite shocked really, especially after Naruto had made his
feelings for Sakura so public all the time. Maybe that had been part of his
'mask'?
It was his responsibility, as a jounin instructor, to make sure his students
health were in top condition, both mentally and physically. If he had cause for
suspicion or if there were things he couldn't handle personally then they would
be referred to the medical ninja. Which was usually quite bothersome,
especially with mental instability. It was considered very dangerous if you
were a shinobi; putting both your own and others lives at risk was usually the
outcome of such feelings. Kakashi had had first hand experience with this and
had been scolded for hiding his inner turmoil for so long.
He felt bad for reading Naruto's private thoughts but it had opened up a whole
new view on the boy. He wasn't the stupid kid everyone thought he was, he was a
human being and couldn't be expected to put up with stresses such as these at a
young age. To be honest Kakashi dreaded what else he would find within the
little book that was seated on his lap. These entries were two months old, had
Naruto overcome his depression by now? Was he getting help with it? Had he
sorted things with this 'man'? Or had his obsession grown even more? Either way
the copy nin wanted to find out but it was way too suspicious to just come out
and ask all of a sudden. Especially after having avoided the kid for so long
and now wanting to be his 'best buddy' and expecting Naruto to open up
completely to him would be near impossible. There were subjects that he had
written that Naruto couldn't even talk to Iruka about. It was clear Naruto was
still trying his best to act normal around the jounin. He still had reasons to
be suspicious, the only way he would find out is if he read the rest of the
diary. For his students own well-being. Right? Right.
He would just have to let the boy know that he was there for him if ever he
needed anyone.
He swore that his own personal feelings wouldn't get in the way when he took on
this genin team. He was so confident at the time but now look what he had
caused. There wasn't a day that went by when he wouldn't look at Naruto and be
reminded of Minato. His former sensei was like an adoptive father to Kakashi.
He was there for him when his own dad had selfishly committed suicide and when
both him and Rin had lost Obito on that fatal mission. And when he himself had
killed Rin. He could never find the will to forgive himself for such a thing.
But Minato had forgiven him.
What would Minato think if he knew about the thoughts that plagued Kakashi's
mind day and night of the mans underage son? Would he be forgiven then?
Doubtful.
It still didn't make it right to focus all of his attention on training one and
not the other two. Sakura had potential but seemed to be a typical teenage
girl; crushing after Sasuke and starving herself would do nothing to help her
with her future shinobi career. And Naruto. Well... Did he need to explain why
it was too risky to take the boy off to train in private? Infact, it was too
risky to even train the boy even with the other two there. Proof was written
before him- if he hadn't been eyeing Naruto up and distracted the boy then he
wouldn't have been in hospital for three days. Kakashi wouldn't have had to go
home and wash the teens blood off his hands and hair and face. He would not
have had to throw his blood stained clothes into the washer; watching the clear
water taint a horrible red.
The jounin visibly choked. He could not see Naruto in such a state again.
He refused to see such a thing happen to his little genin. The feel of the limp
body he held in his arms, the only indication that the kid was alive was his
shallow breathing. Too shallow for Kakashi's liking. In that moment he had let
the panic building up inside him take him over, he had run to the hospital as
fast as he could, not even registering the world around him and relying on pure
instinct to get them both there. He had truly feared he would lose the most
precious person to him that day.
It scared the shit out of him. How would he live if he ever lost Naruto?
Probably the same way he had when he had lost everyone else dear to him. It was
like a curse- everyone who touched his heart would die. Sakumo, Obito, Rin,
Minato. He was cursed to live a life of isolation. He was used to it now. But
who was there to pick up the pieces if he ever lost him? It would be like
losing Minato all over again.
Apart from he hadn't been in love with Minato. He loved Naruto. He was in love
with Naruto.
'Im in love with Naruto.'
He finally admitted it to himself. He felt a small weight lift from his
shoulders. He sighed. He was in too deep. There was nothing he could do about
it now and admitting was better than living in denial.
In no way would this change his firm decision on not taking advantage of the
blonde. He still had to keep control; something he was having a hard time
doing. Naruto was still so young. No one could ever know what the copy nin's
feelings for Naruto were. It was forbidden. Naruto was forbidden.
'Always want what you can't have, eh Kakashi?' He sighed, a sad half smile
spreading across his lips, hidden beneath his mask. Even if he never got a shot
with Naruto in the future, he would be happy for the boy when he found love, he
wouldn't be surprised when that day came. Naruto cared for everyone around him
and he was so genuine and innocent it hurt. He deserved someone decent, someone
who could love him with all their heart. He knew Naruto would return that
tenfold.
'I just wish it could be me.'
***** Chapter 6 *****
All that was heard within the confined space of the tent was heavy panting and
the occasional breathy moan as the copy nin clenched his hands possessively
around Naruto's hips. The blonde boy was straddling his waist while attempting
to drag the man's dark blue mask down to his neck using only his teeth.
Successful in his mission he licked and sucked the jounins bottom lip before
lightly biting the soft flesh. The younger of the two grabbed a handful of
silver hair, roughly pulling the the man down into a deep kiss, pink lips
forcefully clashed together with his own.
His pants were now feeling uncomfortably tight as the blonde broke the kiss and
started to pull the jounins flak jacket off, flinging it somewhere off to the
side of them. The action caused Naruto's behind to rub firmly against Kakashi's
erection, eliciting a pathetic whimper from the jounin. More out of reflex than
anything he increased his already firm grip on Naruto's hips and ground upwards
to gain that much needed friction between the two.
Unable to hold back, Kakashi leant forward and bit almost painfully hard into
the blondes neck, causing the younger of the two to jerk further forward into
the jounin's lap, an audible gasp splitting the relative silence within the
tent.
Kakashi, himself, barely managed to smother a loud moan into the boys neck as
the almost unbearable pleasure shot through his body from the others sudden
jolt. Removing a hand from Naruto's hip he bought it up to place over the boys
mouth to stop any louder noises escaping, as he carried on his thorough
exploration of the others neck and throat. His breath hitched and a small
shudder ran through him as he felt a warm tongue lapping at the palm of his
hand, causing him to cease his own ministrations to snap his head up, focusing
all of his smoldering attention on the boy straddling his waist.
Kakashi removed his hand and traced a finger over the boys plump, wet lips.
Naruto's tongue darted out and was slowly dragged over the man's fingertip. The
breath caught in Kakashi's throat when the blue eyed boy coaxed his finger into
his wet mouth, devilishly swirling his tongue over the sensitive pad before
sucking sinfully hard on the digit and dragging his teeth back up the length,
all the while locking eyes with Kakashi.
Kakashi swallowed hard and leant in to whisper something into Naruto's ear,
making the boy visibly shudder.
"I need you Naruto," Kakashi hated how his voice came out raspy and filled with
desperation. "P-please," he stuttered as Naruto sucked particularly hard on his
finger. He was close to almost begging the boy for release now.
'You're so pathetic, Kakashi.'
The boy released his digit and forcefully pushed Kakashi back onto the padding
of his mat. Smirking at the sound of desperate want colouring the jounins tone
of voice, Naruto raised himself onto his knees so that the friction between the
two were lost and scooted further back before leaning over the man's very
visible erection.
His mind reeling, he barely noticed the sound of a zipper being undone before
he could feel his students hot breath through the thin fabric of his boxers.
For so long he had fantasised about the sight presented before him, the blonde
haired boys head where Kakashi had been begging it to be for months now.
Teasing his superior, Naruto nuzzled the rather large bulge infront of him,
letting an appreciative moan escape past his lips. Unable to look at the sight
that was Naruto on his hands and knees, bottom raised upwards like he was
begging to be fucked, with his head between Kakashi's legs, now tracing a wet
tongue over the dark material, he had to shut his mismatched eyes. The silver
haired man leant his head back further into the soft pillow, parting his lips
to inhale more oxygen into his lungs. This was so wrong but he felt like he was
going to pass out if he was teased anymore. It was also a fact that if he
looked any longer at the glorious sight before him he wouldn't be able to delay
his own orgasm much longer.
Bringing his hand up to lace his fingers within the golden strands of hair he
tried urging the younger boy on. Kakashi was having an extremely hard time
trying to control himself and almost lost it when he thrust his hips up causing
Naruto to press harder onto his aching cock.
"N-Naruto," the name was barely audible and was a rare occurrence in itself
that the name would even be allowed to be voiced when Kakashi was in such a
state of arousal.
The boy infront of him, still teasing, opened his jaw to take the clothed
erection into his mouth, soaking the soft material from the insistent lapping
of his tongue. Kakashi could feel Naruto's saliva that had seeped through the
fabric onto his throbbing cock and jerked his hips upward, trying to push more
of his length into the boys mouth but finding it impossible. He groaned in
frustration under his breath at the lack of skin on skin contact.
Finally he felt soft fingers trace the hem of his boxers, ready to pull down
the offending obstacle in the way of his sweet release when he heard shuffling
outside of the entrance to his tent.
Kakashi stopped breathing, he felt his heart skip a beat painfully in his
chest. He completely froze. Overwhelming panic rose up within him as he tried
to focus his hazy mind on the chakra signature belonging to the person that had
interrupted him. He felt his stomach drop when he knew exactly who had come to
pay him a visit at this time of night.
'Shit.'
===============================================================================
For half the night now Naruto had been tossing and turning. He could not sleep
nor could he shake the thoughts and ideas that were popping into his head.
Kakashi was asleep in the tent not 10 metres away from his own. Oh how he
wished to be in there with his own sensei, even if it were to just watch him
sleep. Over the past few days it had been almost unbearable but also amazing
having to spend so much time with Kakashi. It was a rare possibility since the
missions they were usually assigned were menial tasks throughout the village
and even then Kakashi wouldn't participate.
That or he would have his own, more important missions to complete. But having
to spend a week with the jounin - he wouldn't deny that it was like heaven but
unfortunately it was also very much like hell.
His raging hormones and wondering eyes had not helped the situation in the
slightest. Not only that but it was practically impossible to do anything about
sating his needs when his rival was often sleeping so close to him. It was a
small tent and barely big enough for both him and Sasuke to sleep in let alone
trying to get away with getting himself off. Usually he would be able to feel
the ravens body heat radiating through the sleeping bag and warming the tent
but tonight Sasuke was on watch so he had the tent to himself.
Naruto briefly thought that this was probably as good a time as he was going to
get if he were going to do anything, but he himself knew he wasn't exactly
quiet when it came down to that sort of stuff...
And anyway he had other thoughts on his mind right now. After months of pining,
(or more like obsessing) over his sensei he had managed to talk himself into
trudging over to the others tent to blurt out his true feelings for Kakashi.
Now was just as better than any other time. Atleast he would still have a few
days with the other man before he never saw him again. After-all there really
wasn't a possibility of himself not being rejected.
The young jinchuuriki had finally come to the decision that maybe if he were
rejected face to face by the older man then his sick obsession would vanish and
he would finally have true clarification rather than fantasising about
something that would never happen. Sure he would be pretty cut up about it but
all night he had been preparing for such a blow to his heart.
God he missed his diary though. He almost kicked himself for not remembering to
pick it up before he left.
Sighing for the hundredth time that night he shifted to sit up-right on his
sleeping mat and slung on his orange jacket. Dragging himself up tiredly he
ducked his head as he slipped his shoes on. Unzipping the the tent he strolled
out into the cool breeze of the early hours of the morning.
Giving the area a quick sweep with his eyes he found Sasuke was nowhere to be
seen but could sense his chakra not far away from the camp. He spared a glance
in the direction of Sakura's tent that she was sharing with Kayoko, glad to
find they were both in a deep sleep after the efforts of the previous day.
Yesterday they had been attacked by three rouge ninja, they must have been
atleast chunnin level. It was then that their suspicion about the kidnapping
was confirmed as they tried dragging the white haired lady away, most likely to
teleport themselves to somewhere secluded. Luckily they managed to sense their
chakra approaching before they even appeared. Or Sasuke and Kakashi had
atleast.
Must be all the private training that Sasuke had been getting that was paying
off. Naruto scowled. It seemed that Kakashi had held off from the fight quite a
bit, leaving Naruto and Sasuke to deal with the three the best they could -
later saying that it was a good training exercise, while Sakura guarded Kayoko.
Unfortunately the ninja had eventually overpowered the two boys. One holding
Sasuke down into the dirt with a kunai to his throat and one holding Naruto
down before injecting him with something. The last was in battle with the
jounin.
The blonde haired boy unconsciously rubbed his throat where he had felt the
needle seep into his skin. It wasn't long though before the man invading his
space was forcefully thrown off of him by Kakashi.
They were no match for the copy nin but unfortunately one of the rouge ninja
escaped while the other two were knocked unconscious and tied up. Kakashi then
summoned Pakkun to send a message to the Leaf with information about the enemy
and their location, along with the details of the ambush.
Naruto had refrained from telling his team mates about the weird substance that
had been injected into him. He had been pretty worried at first but decided to
keep it to himself to refrain from being a burden, unless he started to develop
any weird symptoms. It had been quite a while since the incident and he still
felt perfectly fine so assumed that Kyuubi had rid his body of the substance
that was most likely meant to have killed him.
Deciding that he had delayed longer than he should have he silently walked
towards his sensei's tent. As he approached he could hear noises coming from
within, mainly heavy breathing and the occasional...whimper? Naruto furrowed
his brow, maybe Kakashi was having a bad dream. Perhaps he should leave him, it
was an unreasonable time to talk about such a thing anyway.
He turned to leave but being the klutz that he was stumbled over an unseen
rock, only just managing to catch his balance. Cringing from the sudden noise
he noted that the noises from within the tent had stopped. There was then the
familiar sound of a shadow clone popping out of existence.
Utterly confused he turned back around to face the entrance to the tent. Still
silence.
"Kakashi-sensei?" He whispered, just audible enough for the other to hear.
There was a long pause, almost long enough to convince Naruto that the man was
infact asleep.
"Yes?" Startled, Naruto noted that the man sounded somewhat breathless.
Taking the reply as a confirmation to proceed into the tent he unzipped the
door and stepped in. Looking at his sensei he noted that the man was not
wearing his flak jacket or hitai-ate and was sat up with his sleeping bag
covering him from the waist down. He looked pretty tired.
"Can I help you with anything Naruto?"
Turning around to zip the door back up it was then that he noticed the
overpowering smell of arousal within the confined space. Naruto froze, not
looking at his superior. His nose twitched and his face was flushed an
embarrassing shade of pink. Luckily the darkness would cover the blush.
He couldn't reply. He was still letting the whole incident sink in. The heavy
breathing and the whimpering he had heard... It had been his own sensei
pleasuring himself. It was evident from the smell lingering in the tent. And
the shadow clone? Oh god. The image in Naruto's head was almost too much and he
could already start to feel his trousers tightening.
He willed himself to stay calm and remember why he had come here in the first
place. Nodding to himself he turned around and sat at the end of Kakashi's
makeshift bed. Trying to avoid looking at his sensei he swept his gaze over the
tent and noted there was a lot more room than there was in Sasuke's.
'Seems this is one of the advantages of being a higher ranked shinobi. Heh.'
Clearing his throat, he said, "ah yeah... Um I actually came here to talk to
you about something."
He still refused to look at Kakashi. Perverted Images were still running
through his head, wondering just what Kakashi had ordered his clone to do. Two
Kakashi's sounded amazing right now.
'There's no way I'm gunna be able to have this conversation is this state.' He
grimaced.
The whole incident had thrown him off track, he had a whole speech prepared but
for the life of him he couldn't remember one word that he wanted to say. And
heck if he wasn't going to do this properly.
"Go ahea-" "Y'know, never mind, it's not important anyway," he rubbed the back
of his head awkwardly, "Ahhh I'm sorry if I woke you Kakashi-sensei."
He stood up to leave, trying to hide the tent in his trousers the best he
could.
"Naruto."
He stopped in his tracks at hearing something within his sensei voice that he
couldn't quite decipher.
"Please," he almost sounded desperate. "Please stay, I need to talk to you
about something aswell."
***** Chapter 7 *****
Naruto looked at his sensei and nodded once before sitting back down. It dawned
on him then that Kakashi actually wanted to speak to him instead of ignore him.
Naruto felt like cheering.
"Is something wrong sensei?"
Kakashi seemed to hesitate for a while, rearranging his thoughts. "Actually
yes. I've recently noticed your change in behaviour Naruto. You seem a lot
less... How can I put it? Um... Hyperactive? Enthusiastic?... Happy?"
Naruto could tell this was an awkward conversation for the copy nin. Hell it
was awkward for Naruto...
"Um I mean, you seem down Naruto. Really down and as your sensei I have cause
to be concerned. I won't take action since you seem to be doing well enough in
your missions and training but if I see any deterioration in either of these
things or see that you could be a danger to yourself or others I have no choice
but to report it."
Naruto frowned, almost glared at Kakashi. How the hell did he
know anything about Naruto's training? He was never around for it! On top of
that Naruto felt like a complete idiot. He thought he was doing well trying not
to show his other, more depressing side. Had Sasuke and Sakura noticed? If
Kakashi had and he was barely around then it must be obvious for anyone who had
known his past self.
Another scary thought; did Kakashi know about his obsession over him? Did
he know he watched his sensei from afar every chance he got? Naruto paled.
"It's not something I want to do Naruto, truly. But this seems to have been
going on a while now and I've seen no improvement. It's none of my business
what your personal life entails but may I ask if you're getting help?" Kakashi
looked sheepish.
Naruto looked away, feeling quite dizzy all of a sudden. For a long while he
just stared at the floor, not even bothering to answer. Of-course he wasn't
getting any help, he couldn't let anyone know about how he felt. He
felt ashamed about how he felt. Plus he didn't trust anyone enough to know his
most private thoughts and feelings.
He felt Kakashi lean over and place a warm hand on his shoulder. It was only
then that he realised he had been shaking as he felt himself calm at the gentle
touch.
"Naruto, if there's ever anything you need to talk about I'm here for you. I'll
always be here and please don't hesitate to confide in me if you ever need to.
I'll be happy to help with anything," the hand on his shoulder tightened a
fraction.
For the first time in months Naruto felt something warm and happy bubble up to
spread through his entire body. Kakashi did care about him. He was offering his
support and help that Naruto so desperately needed. It was a shame his sensei
couldn't help with everything but Naruto was just happy that his sensei
actually cared.
He cared! It was such a relief after the months of avoidance. He was getting
somewhere finally.
Naruto beamed a smile at his sensei that could have lit up the whole tent. He
flung himself across the distance between them and latched his arms around
Kakashi's body, hugging him tightly.
"Thank you sensei," he sniffed, tears stinging his eyes.
They stayed like that a long while but Naruto soon unlatched himself when he
felt Kakashi tense under his arms. He was clearly uncomfortable with the
invasion of his personal space. It was probably a good thing he had let go
otherwise Naruto wasn't sure what he would do since his body had started to
betray him and the hell was he going to be rutting up against his teacher like
that one incident not long ago. Naruto still felt embarrassed about that. But
being in close proximity to Kakashi always did this to him, let alone the
thoughts of what Kakashi had been doing earlier weren't helping atall...
'Now is not the time Naruto!'
Naruto was almost taken aback when he felt overwhelming tiredness consume him
in that moment. He stifled a yawn, he still wanted to ask his teacher one last
thing.
"Kakashi-sensei? Y'know if... If like..." Naruto didn't really know how to word
it.
"Hmm?" Kakashi tilted his head with a questioning look.
"Like, if there was someone you liked, like really liked... But you knew it
could never work or it just wasn't appropriate... Um what-" he gulped, "what
would you do? What shou-"
'What should I do?' He wanted to say. The blonde shook his head.
===============================================================================
Kakashi hadn't expected Naruto to ask that. He felt like laughing really... How
ironic that he had just told Naruto he would help him with anything and he had
to go and ask that of all things.
If Kakashi knew the answer to that then he would have put the knowledge to good
use by now.
Instead he smiled at the boy and ruffled his hair - something, he realised, he
hadn't done for a very long time. "Well it all depends on how much you feel for
that one person I suppose."
Before the boy could reply he reached into his trouser pocket and pulled out
the note that Hinata had handed him a few days ago. To be honest he had been
hesitant to hand it over to Naruto, but the boy had every right to take it. It
was for him anyway.
"Here you go Naruto, I was told to give this to you, I completely forgot,
sorry," he lied. Kakashi held the paper out towards Naruto and gentle fingers
brushed over his own as the boy took it. Kakashi almost shivered at the
contact.
This whole meeting had been a test of his self control from the moment Naruto
had walked in. He was still utterly aroused and having the boy hug him earlier
had spiked his arousal even more.
"Thanks sensei," Naruto yawned.
Kakashi grinned. "You should probably head to bed Naruto, try and get some
sleep, ne? I'm off to take over Sasuke as look out anyway."
The blonde just nodded and stood up to leave. He yawned again. "Cya later
sensei, thanks for the talk."
"No problem," he whispered as Naruto unzipped the door and trudged back to his
tent, stretching his arms above his head on the way.
Kakashi sighed to himself as he swept his gaze around the tent. The only reason
he had even thought to have that conversation was because of the stuff he had
read in Naruto's diary. He couldn't just let him suffer in silence and it was
clear that he had missed the company of his sensei. He wished he could make all
of Naruto's troubles vanish but it was not possible, the least he could do was
be there for him, no matter how hard it was on his own self control.
It was ridiculous to keep avoiding the boy now - like he had been - after
finally admitting to himself his true feelings. Sure – what he felt for the boy
was less than innocent but all he wanted was to help Naruto and watch over him
like Minato had asked of Kakashi. And that's exactly what he would do from now
on.
===============================================================================
Having dressed back into his usual attire, Kakashi stepped out of his tent and
zipped the door up. There was a chill in the air but he shrugged it off and
headed towards a shadowy figure that could be recognised as Sasuke.
"Yo Sasuke, you can go get some sleep, I'll take over for the rest of the
night," he reached towards the figure in a friendly gesture but before his
fingertips could brush the others shoulder the boy vanished into a puff of
smoke.
Kakashi furrowed his brow as the real Sasuke stepped into the clearing behind
him.
"Got you, ne sensei?" There was an amused glint in his eyes. "Shadow clones
come in so helpful, don't you agree sensei?"
Sasuke stared at him, waiting for a reply. Kakashi felt extremely awkward.
"That they do Sasuke."
The Uchiha's gaze lingered on Kakashi for far too long. The raven smirked and
the gaze was broken when he turned and lifted his arm in a silent farewell as
he walked towards the tent Naruto had entered not long ago.
'Such a weird kid.'
Shaking the uneasy feeling off he headed for a nearby log that made a suitable
bench.
His thoughts drifted to the recent entries he had read in Naruto's diary. A lot
of them were about his daily activities about how Kakashi hadn't shown up for
training again and the team had had to be trained by Gai that day or Asuma or
some other skilled shinobi that barely even had the time for them. He had also
noticed Naruto's appetite decreasing each day that he conveniently blamed on a
'stomach bug'. It clearly correlated with this worrying obsession over this
man. It seemed Naruto didn't even spare the time to eat between missions,
training and spying (now his new hobby). And even when he did it just made him
feel sick apparently.
Kakashi frowned. Another thing that seemed to disturb the jounin was Naruto's
new addiction to pain. He had said on multiple occasions how he would
deliberately falter in battle or during training so that he would get wounded.
Not badly enough to end up in hospital but enough to cause him quite a bit of
discomfort. On the occasions when he would be confronted by rather drunk
villagers he would let himself endure their beatings. Happy in the knowledge
that he was rightfully being 'punished'.
It was getting worse the more Kakashi read and these entries were still over a
month old. He was really worried about Naruto but he wouldn't be too hasty in
his assumptions. Earlier he had asked the young shinobi if he was getting any
help and by looking at his body language it was clear that he wasn't. That was
one thing cleared up atleast. Fingers crossed that Naruto would come to him for
help from now on.
'Yeah right, after treating the boy like a piece of shit what makes you think
he'll come to you for anything anymore?' His conscience whispered to him.
Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned.
He felt like crap that he had resorted to using a shadow clone that was henged
to look like Naruto. It was the first time he'd attempted it and was, in a way,
glad the real Naruto had interrupted him. He would have felt pretty damn guilty
if he'd let the clone relieve him, afterall it had been a replica of
the thirteen year old boy. For fuck sake.
To be honest though his hand was no longer anywhere near enough to satisfy him
anymore. Anything else would be better, but he knew he just couldn't bring
himself to sleep with any randomer like he used to be able to. He was sexually
frustrated and all he wanted to do was make Naruto his. Fuck.
He sighed and looked down at the prominent bulge in his pants. He was so close
to feeling Naruto's hot, wet mouth around him early and if he had the option he
would be begging for it right now. No. Not Naruto. His clone.
He tried to imagine what it would feel like to be sucked off by
the real Naruto. Kakashi bought a hand down to palm his erection through his
trousers. He bit his lip under his mask and closed his eyes as pleasure swept
through his body. His breathing hitched as he lost himself completely within
his fantasies, all the while stroking himself through the coarse material.
He thought about a particular entry in the diary that he shouldn't have read
but did for his own sick pleasure. It was about Naruto pleasuring himself in
great detail. How he had laid on his bed, stroking himself, two fingers sliding
in and out of his tight hole. How he had accidentally found his prostate -
having never done such things before. How quickly it had brought him to his
release.
How there was a roughly sketched picture of Kakashi on the next page, fully
dressed, reading Icha Icha and how he couldn't help himself but link the two
together. He was sure that it didn't correlate in anyway but It had almost
broken him seeing that. If Naruto had been anywhere near him at that moment he
would have just taken the boy anyway, regardless of morals and all that
bullshit. He would havefucked Naruto so hard. Shit...
He palmed his erection harder, eliciting a small moan. He was so close to his
climax now. Almost...
There was a loud yawn a few metres behind him signalling that Sakura was awake
and walking towards the, now very aroused, copy ninja. He ceased his actions
and so very nearly growled out loud in frustration. Damn her! He needed this!
He evened his breathing out, still trembling, he could feel his cock throbbing
beneath the layers of fabric. He was so close. He shifted uncomfortably as he
looked over his shoulder. He crossed his legs to hide his arousal as she sat
next to him, clearly still sleepy.
"Hey Kakashi-sensei," she yawned again and gave him a sweet smile.
Kakashi stared blankly back at her, still trying to calm his raging hormones.
"Hello Sakura, are you ok? You're up early," he really didn't care right now.
"Oh I'm ok thanks, you seem a bit cold though, do you want me to get you a
blanket sensei?" She eyed his trembling form up.
'No Sakura I want you to piss off so I can reach my climax.' He pinched the
bridge of his nose. That was harsh. He did genuinely like Sakura... Just not
right now.
"Mah, no thanks Sakura, I'll be fine," he manage to conjure up a smile to keep
her at ease.
His erection still refused to wilt. 'Perhaps a blanket would have been a good
idea.' He ignored the thought.
"So, why are you awake so early, we still have another few hours until
sunrise?"
"Oh I just couldn't sleep. I kept hearing people walk about outside, I think it
was just Naruto and Sasuke but it really put me on edge. This forest kinda
creeps me out a bit," she blushed.
"Well you'll be glad to hear that by tomorrow night we'll be camping a few
hours from the village so we should be out of this forest by then," he
reassured her.
She nodded once, seemingly content with the knowledge.
"Hey sensei, where's your book? I've not seen you read in since we started the
mission."
He visibly pondered. He had actually forgotten about his beloved book having
replaced it with a very personal and private diary. Like he was about
tell her that. He sniffed in amusement.
"I lost it during training the day before we departed, kinda a pain, ne?" He
tried his best to look visibly pained. "Why do you ask? Did you plan on
borrowing it?" He hid a sly smile.
Sakura's expression turned to one of utter horror and disgust at the idea.
"That's disgusting! I would never ever ever think about reading such filthy...
Degrading... Horrific... PERVERTED material!" She stood up to focus all her
fury at Kakashi. "Kaka-sensei you're such a pervert!"
He smirked at her reaction, it was always fun to wind her up. She blushed then
at her unnecessary outburst towards her superior and promptly sat back down
onto the makeshift bench. They sank in to a comfortable silence, lost in their
own thoughts. Kakashi was glad that he had finally calmed down his previous
urges and visibly relaxed.
The sky was no longer black but was now a dark blue, indicating sun was
starting to rise. He could hear the chirping of birds ringing through the
forest.
"I was talking to Kayoko earlier and I found out something interesting about
her clan sensei."
"Hmm? Oh what's that then?"
"Well apparently she's not as young as she looks. She said that her clan has a
bloodline limit that makes the females age five times slower than normal
humans. I asked her if it was the same for males and she said that only females
inherit the ability."
Kakashi thought over the interesting information that had been handed to him
and stored it within his mind to look into at a later date.
"Do you believe her Sakura?" He genuinely wanted to know what she thought on
the matter.
She shrugged, "I don't see why not."
He felt her hesitate, like she wanted to ask him something. She waited a few
minutes before deciding that she would voice her question.
"Kakashi-sensei?"
"Yes Sakura?"
"I know its personal and I understand if you don't answer but well... What is
your mum like?"
It took Kakashi by surprise really, he hadn't thought about his mother in a
long time. He hated talking about his private life, especially his family but
he saw no harm in telling her the truth and letting slip something about his
life just this once.
"Well, I never knew my mother. She died when I was a baby, I've never even seen
a picture of her," he shrugged like it was no big deal. But in truth he had
always wished he had known his mother, especially in the days of his youth when
he really had needed her there.
Sakura looked horrified for a moment before looking very very sad.
"But it's ok, I'm still alive right?," he gave her an eye smile. She turned her
gaze to the floor.
"Right," she sighed. "I'm very sorry to hear about your mum Kakashi-sensei, I
can't imagine what I'd do if I lost either of my parents."
He looked at her with concern. "It was a long time ago Sakura, I'm over it so
there's nothing to worry about. There's also no point living in the past,
what's happened has happened and there's nothing you can really do but move on
is there?"
"No but it still hurts, even if things are left in the past, it doesn't mean we
forget," she was still looking at the ground.
"It's true we never truly forget those that are left in the past," he turned
his head away when thoughts of his old teammates flashed through his mind, his
sensei and his dad and his fallen comrades, it still hurt but the wounds had
slowly healed over time, even if there was a scar left behind. "But it's worth
the struggle when you look back at what you've lost and realize what you have
now is much greater and it's then that it makes you truly come to terms with
the fact that bad things need to happen in order for the new, more important
things to blossom."
He turned to face the pink haired kunoichi who had now shifted to look up at
him. There were tears in her emerald eyes. She leant over and hugged him, he
tried his best to comfort her as silent tears slid down her cheeks.
"Thank you sensei," she sniffed.
A few moments passed before Sakura pulled herself together and once again
separated the distance between the two. It looked like her mood had improved
after receiving that much needed comfort and let out what she had been holding
inside of her.
Kakashi wondered what had affected his student but it really wasn't his place
to ask. Her mood had improved by the looks of it anyway.
She gave him a curious look with a hint of a teary smile.
"Y'know Kakashi-sensei... It's probably just a coincidence but I can imagine
that Kayoko would have looked a lot like your mum."
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