Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5892820.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Sirius_Black/Remus_Lupin
  Character:
      Sirius_Black, Remus_Lupin
  Additional Tags:
      Marauders'_Era, Romance
  Collections:
      The_Wolf_and_Hound_Archive
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-02-03 Words: 4443
****** Unless You Mean It ******
by Rochelle_Burns [archived by WolfAndHound_Archivist]
Summary
     How Sirius won Remus's heart... and some other valuable prizes, too.
Notes
     Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived
     at Wolf_and_Hound, which was created to make stories posted to the
     Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find.
     However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active
     in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the
     archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open
     Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement
     with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or
     know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the
     Wolf_and_Hound_collection_profile.
Sixteen-year-old Remus Lupin knew before he even walked into potions class that
his good friends Sirius and James were up to something. He could hear the
cheering and clapping of the other students as he descended the stairwell into
the somewhat chilly dungeon. Either class was canceled, he thought, or James
and Sirius are right in the middle of this. The latter suspicion turned out to
be true: when Remus entered the classroom, he saw Sirius leaning James backward
over Professor Parrish's desk, giving him a scorcher of a kiss as the other
students egged them on. Remus only shook his head, smiled and took his seat
next to Peter Pettigrew. Very little those two did surprised him anymore.
"Aren't they insane?" Peter laughed, nudging Remus in the ribs. "I could never
do something like that, not even on a dare!"
Before Remus could say anything, Sirius glided over to his side, put his arm
around him and said huskily, "I've got one for you, too, if you want it. All
you have to do is ask," flashing him a very charming grin. His long, sleek,
jet-black hair tickled Remus's cheek, which made Remus tense just slightly.
Remus reached around, lifted Sirius's arm from his shoulders and said, "Don't
kiss me unless you mean it. Not everyone falls for a pretty face alone,"
keeping his tone playful even though he meant the words. He knew how sexy
Sirius liked to toy with "curious" boys, always promising what he would never
deliver, and Remus preferred not to play along. For one thing, he was somewhat
less impetuous than Sirius and James and didn't find much humor in it. For
another, Sirius had been playing this game with him ever since that day two
years ago when Remus confessed to his three best friends -- Sirius, James and
Peter -- that he was mostly attracted to men. It was difficult for Remus to
tell whether Sirius sought to include him in the joke or to make him its latest
victim, and he didn't want to risk it either way.
There were other reasons, too, but Remus preferred not to think about them,
especially not right now. When he did, it was too hard for him to smile.
Sirius pouted. "Tease."
Remus laughed. "Flirt."
"Let him do it!" James interjected. He was sitting on the teacher's desk,
swinging his long legs over the edge and pushing his glasses up on his nose.
"He's a damn good kisser!"
More snickers from the class.
"The three of you are completely revolting," came the sneering commentary of
Severus Snape, the good-looking, ill-tempered Slytherin who had made himself
the star of potions. "Some of us plan to have lunch in an hour." He opened his
textbook and glared at its contents.
"Friendly as always," Peter said, rolling his eyes.
Sirius said under his breath, "No kidding. He'd better get to Madam Pomfrey and
have that stick pulled out of his --"
"Good morning, class," Professor Parrish said brightly as she walked into the
room. James jumped off the desk, took a sweeping bow and went to his seat.
Remus knew the gray-haired professor was trying her best to give James a
disapproving scowl, but as usual, it manifested itself as a tiny smile instead.
"Today, we're going to cover the green polywumpus potion, so please open your
textbooks to page two twenty-three."
Remus didn't really hear the rest of the professor's discourse. He was too busy
convincing himself that Sirius's flirtation with him was just as meaningless as
it was with every other boy at Hogwarts who looked Sirius's way.
He doesn't mean it, Remus told himself as he watched James scribble down a note
and pass it to Sirius while Professor Parrish wasn't looking. And even if he
does have any real interest in boys, it's probably James he wants, not me.
Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy to convince his heart.
_Sirius Black._
Sirius unfolded the note that James had just passed to him. It read:
"You've got it bad for Moony, don't you?"
Sirius stuck the note in the back of his textbook, grinned and cheerfully gave
James an obscene gesture. But, as usual, his friend was right: he had had a
crush (carefully concealed at first) on Remus Lupin since they were eleven
years old. His feelings only became more intense as their friendship deepened,
and they reached a new high when Remus revealed that he was mostly attracted to
men. Since that day two years ago, Sirius had pursued him as best he knew how -
- which was rather strange for him, since he was typically the one being
pursued.
You sure as hell don't make it easy, Moony, Sirius thought, sneaking a glance
at the object of his affections. Remus's pretty hazel eyes were fixed intently
on his open textbook and paying him no mind at all. I could have nearly any
girl and at least half the boys in this school... but not the one that I really
want.
On and off for the last two years, Sirius had tried everything: love notes
("Don't you ever think about making love to me?"), innuendoes, blatant
flirting. But Remus never gave him the slightest hint of encouragement, not
even the smallest sign of temptation. In fact, he only told Sirius to "Stop,
unless you mean it," just as he had today.
Sirius always balked at those words when he heard them from Remus's lips. No
one else expected that much of him; his lovers always seemed to know that their
passion was temporary, meant to last for only one night at a time. But those
words -- unless you mean it -- seemed to ask for so much more. Sirius wasn't
certain that he was quite ready to make such a promise, not even to one of his
best friends. Not even to someone he did.... No. He didn't want to think of it,
even if it was the truth.
The "L" word was a complicated mess. Sirius avoided it as best he could, along
with most other serious topics. What if Remus didn't feel the same way? What if
they did become a couple, but Remus got bored with him later on? What if their
friendship ended up ruined? And what if he broke Remus's heart? That one word
could change everything, and not necessarily for the better. Better to leave
well enough alone and hope that Remus would eventually take him for what he
was: a very enjoyable one-night stand. It was safer that way and much less
scary.
"Black?" Professor Parrish's voice cut into his reverie. "Sirius Black, are you
still with us?"
Sirius blinked. "Oh. Sorry."
The rest of the day's lesson was fairly uneventful, save that Peter's green
polywumpus potion turned out purple instead and ate a hole through his
cauldron. Remus volunteered to stay after class and help him figure out what
had gone wrong.
"Please, go on to lunch," Remus told Sirius and James with his usual warm
smile. "We'll catch up later."
"Good luck," Sirius said doubtfully, looking at the smoking black lump that had
once been Peter's cauldron. But if anyone could help Peter, he knew that it was
Remus. Sweet, intelligent, sympathetic Remus, who often seemed to have the
patience of several hundred saints. In fact, it was mostly Remus's tutoring
that had saved Peter from failing potions last year.
"We'll save a place for you," James promised as he practically dragged Sirius
out of the classroom and into the hall. Once they were alone (the rest of the
students were already gone), James only grinned at him.
Sirius looked at him warily. "What?" His voice echoed slightly in the gray
stone hallway, and the lit torches that lined the walls flickered as if to ask
the same question.
James whispered, "Why haven't you told him how you feel? You've nothing to lose
for just trying."
Sirius sulked and whispered back, "I've done everything I know of to get his
attention. Isn't that enough?"
James shook his head, still grinning. "He probably thinks that you're joking
with him, not that I could blame him. You do have a bit of a reputation." He
paused and then said in his normal voice, "Let's head to the dining area and
talk about it there."
It was surprisingly easy to carry on a private conversation in the dining hall
at Hogwarts. For the most part, other students were too engrossed in their own
conversations to pay much attention to anyone else's. Sirius told James
everything, including the worries that held him back; James told Sirius that he
was being ridiculous, and that he shouldn't let a good thing slip away.
"If I'd never said anything to Lily," James pointed out, "do you think that we
would be together now? If you want him as much as you say you do, you have to
take the risk." Lily was James's very cute girlfriend, who James had been
seeing for the last three months. She probably would have been at the table
with them right now if she hadn't been sick in bed with the flu, and she
probably would have told Sirius exactly what James was telling him now. And,
deep down, Sirius knew that they both would've been right.
"But you know I'm not good at that sort of thing," Sirius responded, absently
folding and unfolding his burgundy cloth napkin and staring straight ahead. "I
wouldn't even know where to begin."
James turned thoughtful. "Then, maybe you should do something about it instead
of just saying the words. Something that he couldn't mistake."
"Like what?"
James whispered his idea, which made Sirius laugh. "What do you think?" he
asked.
Sirius answered, "I think you're a genius." Then, his smile faded. "But if this
does work...."
"If it works," James finished for him, "you'll have won the heart of one of the
kindest, most wonderful people either of us has ever known. You shouldn't be
afraid of that."
_Remus Lupin._
On Saturday evening, while all the other students in the Gryffindor boys' dorm
filed down the stairs to the dining hall for dinner, Remus was stopped from
leaving the room by Sirius's grabbing hold of his sleeve.
"I'm kidnapping you for the night," Sirius told him with a wink. "Follow me;
I've got something to show you." He had his wand in hand.
Remus frowned slightly in cautious puzzlement. "Padfoot, if anything explodes,
catches fire, or turns into a goat...."
Sirius snickered. "It's nothing like that this time. Please, just trust me."
Somewhat reluctantly, Remus followed Sirius out of Gryffindor Tower and down
into one of the secret passageways they, James and Peter had found last year.
At the end of it rested Sirius's gleaming black motorcycle, acquired just last
summer, which Sirius had enchanted for flight.
"We're going for a ride," Sirius said brightly. He slipped out of his black
wizard's robes and left them in a pile on the floor. Under them, he wore muggle
clothes: a black leather jacket, a white T-shirt, black leather boots, and
close-fitting black leather pants. Remus's heart skipped a beat when he saw him
like this. Obviously, certain aspects of the muggle world did have their
appeal.
"I... thought you only took girls on this bike," Remus said quietly as he
watched Sirius put his wand in the small compartment at the rear of the bike.
When Sirius Black had one of his "bike dates," he always seemed to come back
happy.
Sirius responded, "There's a first time for everything," his expression softer
than usual. Gazing into Remus's eyes for just a bit longer than necessary.
Then, he cleared his throat and laughed nervously. "So, Moony, are you coming
or not?" He climbed on the motorcycle and looked back at Remus over his
shoulder.
Remus blinked. "I suppose I will." He got on, too, nearly tripping over his
robes as he did, and wrapped his arms around Sirius's waist. This is... rather
nice, he thought and held on a little bit tighter. He could almost hear Sirius
smiling.
Sirius started up the bike, and seconds later, they were off. "Even better than
Quidditch, isn't it?" Sirius said over the roar of the engine as they soared
above the Forbidden Forest. The treetops looked like thick, billowing, dark-
green clouds from this height. The ground below was a mottled carpet of green,
black and brown.
"Much better," Remus agreed in a far-off voice, and his reasons had little to
with the view, the bike, or the way the wind blew through his hair. He had
never been this close to Sirius before, close enough to feel his heartbeat and
rest his head on his shoulder, inhaling the clean, soapy smell of Sirius's hair
and skin mingled with the slightly musky scent of leather. Close enough to feel
the firm, sculpted muscle just under Sirius's thin T-shirt....
Remus's cheeks suddenly felt very warm, and other regions of his body offered a
response as well. Control yourself, Remus, he told himself, drawing in a deep
breath. You know that what you really want is probably more than he's willing
to give.
After about half an hour or so, they landed in a clearing in a distant woods,
right beside a small brook with a tall birch tree at its bank. "I usually come
here to be alone," Sirius said as he stepped off the bike. "I don't know if you
believe me or not, but... you're the first 'date' I've brought to this place. I
wanted to make this something special." He helped Remus get back on solid
ground and then opened the compartment at the back of the bike. From it, he
retrieved his wand and something wrapped in a blue-and-white handkerchief that
he set on the ground.
"Maximus!" Sirius pointed the wand at the bundle, which glowed a curious shade
of yellow. The handkerchief spread out and expanded into full-size blanket, and
the other items became a picnic basket, a bottle of sparkling cider, and two
lovely champagne glasses. "I would've gotten wine," Sirius explained, "but I
didn't want you thinking that I'm trying to get you drunk."
Remus stood there for awhile, struck speechless. "You did all this... for me?"
To the best of his knowledge, Sirius Black had never gone to this much trouble
for one of his would-be conquests. An evening in Hogsmeade? Occasionally.
Snogging in one of the school's hidden rooms, or even in a classroom that no
one was using? Frequently. But as far as Remus knew, this surprise romantic
picnic in the forest was a first.
Sirius nodded. "All for you, Remus," he said softly. "I just wanted you to know
that I was serious this time."
Remus smiled modestly, but he didn't say anything. Maybe it's possible after
all.
_Sirius Black._
Remus had been quiet for much too long. He hadn't spoken in at least ten
seconds since Sirius had told him why he'd done all this. Sirius asked, "Well?
What do you think?" putting on his patented crooked grin and hoping for the
best.
"I think," Remus replied, "that I hardly know what to say." He looked so
beautiful right then, with the way his windblown light-brown hair fell about
his shoulders and framed his pale, delicate face. Sirius noticed that Remus's
cheeks were slightly flushed, and he hoped it wasn't just because of the wind.
Silence again.
It's now or never. Sirius cleared his throat and ran his hand through his hair
nervously. "Ah, Remus...."
"Make love to me."
Sirius blinked. "What?" He must have heard him wrong. Remus couldn't have said
those words.
Remus repeated, "Make love to me. Right here, right in this field." He looked
Sirius right in the eyes as he spoke.
Sirius laughed a little, pleasantly bewildered by Remus's sudden boldness. "I,
um... thought you'd never ask." He wrapped his arms around Remus's slim waist
and drew him close, taking a moment to savor the warmth and closeness of the
other young man's body. Then, as gently as a whisper, his lips touched Remus
Lupin's for the first time.
Not long thereafter, the panic set in.
Oh, God, he's never done this before.
And I'VE never done this before with anyone that mattered.
What if I do it wrong?
What if I disappoint him?
What if I...?
"I... I'm sorry," Sirius apologized, pulling away from him. "I probably
shouldn't 've done this. I mean, I--"
Remus put his index finger to Sirius's lips and shook his head, smiling gently.
"You don't have to worry about it," he whispered. "You said that you wanted to
make this special, and for me, it already is." He kissed Sirius on the cheek.
Then he took Sirius's earlobe ever-so-lightly between his teeth and teased it
with the tip of his tongue.
Sirius shivered and closed his eyes. "Um, Remus?" he asked, "What are you
doing?"
Remus murmured, "Making it easier for you," and kissed him on the neck, running
his hands up Sirius's back. "You aren't the only one who's wanted this."
"...You're doing a damn good job."
This evening wasn't going quite as Sirius had expected it to. In his mind's
eye, he had pictured himself the master lover who would make all of Remus's
dreams come true, fulfilling even fantasies he'd never known he had. In his
dreams, he had seen Remus as innocent and timid, the delicate virgin in need of
a teacher to help him overcome his inhibitions. But as of now, innocent,
"timid" Remus had tossed Sirius's jacket and shirt aside and was unzipping
Sirius's pants with his teeth. "Are you sure you've never done this before?"
Sirius asked, only half joking.
Remus laughed and looked up at him, still kneeling. "I'm certain of it, last I
checked. But I have quite an active fantasy life." He placed his hands on
Sirius's hips, coaxing him into kneeling as well. Then, he guided Sirius's
hands to the buttons of his robes.
Sirius asked, "And what do you fantasize about?" going to work on the buttons
and eager to see more of Remus's skin.
"You," he replied without hesitation, "ever since we were twelve years old."
Remus sat perfectly, patiently still as Sirius slipped the robes off his
shoulders, leaving the garment as a puddle of black cloth. "Well? Do you like
what you see?" Anxiety flickered in his honey-hazel eyes while he spoke.
Sirius let his right hand trail over Remus's bare shoulder, down his arm, and
finally, he held Remus's hand. He knew why Remus was nervous about this; the
reasons were right before his eyes. When Remus transformed into a werewolf, he
often bit and scratched himself, which had left many tannish scars on his
otherwise perfect creamy skin. "You're beautiful," Sirius told him truthfully.
He kissed Remus on the hand. "I've never wanted anyone more than I want you
right now."
That becoming hint of rose crept back into Remus's cheeks as he lowered his
long lashes. "Thank you," he said. He placed his hands on Sirius's shoulders
and slowly eased him onto his back, straddling him.
Definitely not what I expected, Sirius mused as he reached up to toy with
Remus's shoulder-length brown locks and stared into those warm, golden eyes
that seemed to reflect the setting sun. But I can't complain. He closed his
eyes as Remus leaned in for a kiss and, after a moment, he parted his lips
slightly to permit Remus's tongue inside.
Sirius had kissed and been kissed this way many times before. The first time
was courtesy of James Potter, when they were both thirteen years old and
wondering what it felt like. Later on, they came from girls (and on one
occasion, another boy) who he forgot about two weeks later. But as his tongue
played with Remus Lupin's... as they explored each other's mouths and let their
hands roam each other's bodies... he was amazed by how intimate this simple act
could be. It wasn't just lust or experimentation, but something far more
powerful that Sirius never expected to feel.
So, this is what it's like, he thought, when you're in love. He gasped and
tilted his head back slightly while Remus's moist lips made their way down his
neck and ravished the sensitive flesh. "That feels... so good...." His hips
twitched forward once as his arousal became more intense.
Remus paused in his affections just long enough to finish undressing Sirius,
which drew a long, shuddering sigh out of him. "Is that better?" Remus teased.
He grazed Sirius's erection with his fingertips, nearly driving him mad. But it
wasn't so much the touch itself as the fact that it had come from him.
"Much," Sirius rasped. Then, wide-eyed, he watched as Remus kicked his robes
aside and slipped out of his underwear. "I see... you're enjoying this just as
much as I am."
Remus laughed. "You might say that." He kissed Sirius on the shoulder and
murmured, "You can touch me, too, if you like."
Sirius didn't say a word. He simply rolled the two of them over, reversing
their positions.
Remus was quite beautiful: slender, lissome, elfin in his grace. There was
almost no hair on his body, save for the patch of brown curls at his groin.
Slowly, slowly, Sirius let his hands slide over Remus's chest, gazing down at
his unclothed splendor. Then he bent down to nuzzle that patch of brown hair.
"Mm...." Remus closed his eyes and drew his knees up slightly. Sirius took this
to mean "Go on."
Sirius took Remus's shaft in his hands and ran them up and down its length,
squeezing just enough to give some pressure as he did, until a loud moan
escaped Remus's lips. "I'm not doing this too hard, am I?" Sirius asked,
concerned. The last thing that he wanted was to hurt him.
"N... not at all," Remus gasped. He arched his back and sucked in a breath.
"You're absolutely perfect...." The slightest sheen of sweat was forming on his
brow.
"Good." He cupped Remus's balls in one hand and massaged them for a time,
stroking the shaft more lightly now. He knew that he was torturing Remus now
with a touch just firm enough to tease; his expression was curious mix of
desire and dismay. But before he could he could do anything about it, Sirius
found himself on his back again. Remus pinned his shoulders down. Sirius
blinked.
"Don't toy with me that way, Sirius," Remus said with an impish twinkle in his
eyes. He was trembling with need; Sirius could feel him shiver. Then he
descended upon Sirius with a torrent of ravenous kisses.
Sirius couldn't say for certain if it had been minutes, hours or days. Time had
lost all meaning to the power of Remus Lupin's passion. Even now, Sirius was
surprised that such a gentle, soft-spoken creature kept this kind of fire
within -- and that he, Sirius Black, was the only one who knew it, let alone
had experienced it. "Remus...." Sirius groaned. His fingers dug into Remus's
shoulders as Remus ran his hot, wet tongue along the underside of Sirius's
throbbing shaft. "I can't... take much more of this...." Touching the line
between pleasure and pain.
Remus raised up and caressed Sirius's cheek. "Do you want me to...?" His
expression soft and questioning.
Sirius nodded quickly and gestured towards his discarded leather jacket. "Left
pocket... check there."
Remus reached inside the jacket pocket and pulled out a tube of lubricant. He
laughed and observed, "You certainly had confidence, didn't you?" Then he
squeezed some of the clear, slippery gel into Sirius's shaking hands. Sirius,
knowing his cues, spread the gel over Remus's hard cock... lay back... and
parted his thighs. He heard no sound right then, save for the pounding of his
own heart, as he waited anxiously for the act to be completed.
It took a little while for Remus to position himself. Then, finally, it was
time. Sirius gasped and gritted his teeth; this hurt more than he'd expected it
to, even though he knew that Remus was doing his best to go slowly. Remus said
softly, "We can stop if--"
"No!" Sirius let out a shaky breath. "Just takes some time...." He closed his
eyes as Remus continued, and he felt it when Remus paused every now and then to
let him get used to this. He took in shallow, gasping breaths until Remus spoke
again.
"I'm completely inside of you now," Remus told him in a voice thick with
emotion. "I suppose the worst of it is over."
When Sirius opened his eyes again, awareness began to crystallize in them. It
shone as a sparkle of starlight silver somewhere within those dark-gray pools.
Wordlessly, Sirius reached up to hold Remus as close as he could; he gasped
when Remus began his gentle, experimental first thrusts. "More," Sirius
whispered. Remus gradually picked up the pace and, as he did, stroked Sirius's
shaft with one hand.
Sirius moaned Remus's name as he felt himself approach the brink and screamed
it when he went over the edge. "Remus! Oh, God...." Like the phoenix, he had
died and was reborn in the very same instant. He knew he'd never be the same.
He barely even heard it when Remus called out his name, too.
_Remus Lupin._
Long after they'd finished making love, Remus and Sirius were still wrapped in
each other's arms. They were also wrapped up in the blue-and-white blanket that
was supposed to be used for their picnic which, from the looks of things, would
probably wait for another day. Neither of them said anything; right then, it
wasn't necessary. Even the stars seemed to wink their approval.
So, this is how it feels to make love, Remus thought with a pleasantly weary
smile. Sirius wore the same expression. There was no doubt that this was real.
There was no doubt that what they had shared was everything Remus had hoped it
would be.
"You think they'll know?" Sirius asked. He lazily wound and unwound a lock of
Remus's hair around his index finger.
"James will," Remus said without hesitation. "And even if he didn't, surely we
would have to tell him."
"Mm-hm." Sirius was quiet for a time, but his expression revealed every
thought. Remus was thinking the very same thing. "Remus," Sirius began, "I'm
not very good at this sort of thing, but... I... I...."
Remus said, "I love you, too," and snuggled against his chest. Then he added
with an impish grin, "And next time, I'll let you be on top."
The End.
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