Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/929087.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Merlin_(TV)_RPF
  Relationship:
      Bradley_James/Colin_Morgan
  Character:
      Bradley_James, Colin_Morgan
  Additional Tags:
      Romance, Established_Relationship
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-08-16 Words: 7823
****** Underwater Love ******
by Misery
Summary
     When I saw Bradley's twitter picture (where he is underwater), I said
     to a friend: "Hey, I bet, Colin took this picture." And then I
     started writing.
Notes
     This is my first Brolin story, and I'm sorry if there are (m)any
     major mistakes. I am from Germany, and English is not my first
     language.
Bradley had bought the camera, because Colin and he have planned a short trip
to the Caribbean during Colin's break. They are in a romantic resort near the
beach. There is a huge pool area, which is deserted now, because it's early in
the morning. Bradley is excited, when he shows Colin his underwater camera, and
they jump into the pool, splashing each other with the cool water. They take a
lot of pictures, even try to take some underwater, until they are out of
breath.
They lie back in the water, Bradley's back is pressed against the edge, and he
is hugging Colin from behind. Giggling like mischievous schoolboys, they look
at the pictures.
Bradley's stomach begins to rumble, and Colin turns around, smiling at him. His
hair is still wet, and falling into his eyes. “Hungry?”
Gently, Bradley brushes his fringe aside. “Only for you,” he replies, but Colin
has already stood up, grabbing a towel.
“Let's get some breakfast.”
They are sitting on the terrace, and Bradley has chosen scrambled eggs, bacon
and toast. Colin takes cornflakes, and a huge bowl full of fruit salad.
“Is there anything unhealthy you eat?” Bradley asks, grinning.
Colin shrugs his shoulders, and Bradley realizes that this has been a stupid
remark. “I do like fruits,” he adds, “but only when you feed me.”
His eyes sparkle, as he opens his mouth, and Colin has to smile, too. He takes
a piece of melon, and stuffs it into Bradley's mouth. He chews with relish.
“Good?” Colin asks.
“Taste for yourself,” Bradley answers, leans forward, and kisses Colin.
Colin draws back, picking at his cornflakes. “Hey, what's wrong?” Bradley wants
to know.
“You think I'm weird, don't you?” Colin sighs.
“No!” Bradley shouts angrily, and feels for Colin's hand, entwining their
fingers.
“I think you're different. Different than any other person, I've ever met. And
that's why I love you so much.”
Colin slightly nods, and squeezes Bradley's hand.
Bradley eyes his egg, which is getting cold, but he can't...no he doesn't want
take his hand away. This little touch creates a close connection between them.
He can almost feel Colin's pulse, when he runs his thumb over his wrist.
Tears are stinging in his eyes, because he is so happy right now. Hastily, he
clears his throat: “All right, maybe you are weird. But not more weird than I
am.” His voice sounds raspy, and Colin looks at him. He knows that Bradley is
struggling with the emotions, he usually hides.
“Come,” he says, and stands up. He doesn't let go off Bradley, even tugs a
little bit at his arm.
“But...” Bradley is about to object, but he falls silent almost instantly,
because breakfast can wait. Everything can wait, when he can be with Colin.
With him every minute is precious.
They are not going back to the hotel room, and Bradley is confused. Colin leads
him down the uneven path to the sea. The morning sun glistens on the waves.
Colin takes him to the beach. It's quiet here. Somewhere, in the distance, a
young woman is jogging. Her ponytail is bouncing up and down. Colin pushes
himself against him, wraps both arms around him, and presses his head against
his shoulder. Bradley can only hear the soft rippling of the waves, and Colin's
heartbeat.
“Thank you,” Colin says silently.
“What for?” Bradley asks surprised.
“Everything...just everything.”
They stand in silence, until the sun gets unbearably hot, and the happy cries
of approaching children disturbs their togetherness.
Colin lifts his head, and kisses Bradley's neck.
“Should we...go?”, Bradley murmurs, but Colin kisses him again. Carefully, his
lips touch Bradley's chin, his cheek, his temples, and his forehead. His hands
roam over Bradley's back, cheekily sliding under his T-Shirt.
Bradley flinches, and hopes he doesn't irritate Colin.
Colin, however, is too busy kissing him. His lips are soft and warm, and
Bradley opens his mouth, when he asks to be let in.
He thinks of the other people, who obviously see them, but he doesn't want to
open his eyes. They could think what they want.
Colin's hands glide down further, under the waistband of his shorts, and
Bradley can't suppress a low moan, as Colin massages his buttocks.
Bradley is surprised. Usually, Colin avoids any physical contact in public.
Bradley has gotten used to it. For his sake, Bradley hides his true feelings,
whenever he meets Colin. Colin is reserved, and shy, even when they are alone.
He rarely makes the first move. Bradley has gotten used to that, too. By now,
he enjoys dragging Colin out of his reticence, until he's trembling with
ecstasy, and Bradley can catch a glimpse of his pure, white, soul.
Colin is mumbling something, but Bradley can't hear what he says, because his
arousal grows, and he can only think of Colin's long fingers, and his fierce
kisses. He licks over his swollen lips. His eyelids flutter open. The sun is
blinding him, and he blinks a few times.
“What?”
“Freedom,” Colin repeats. His eyes are as blue as the ocean behind him.
Bradley ruffles his hair. He likes that it curls slightly, when Colin air-dries
it.
“We could emigrate, search for a deserted beach, or a small cottage in the
countryside. Only you and me,” says Bradley.
Colin shakes his head. He has long withdrawn his hands. “I can't do that,
Bradley.” His voice sounds serious, although Bradley isn't sure, whether he had
wanted to joke or not.
Bradley bits his bottom lip. He knows that acting means a lot to Colin. He
needs it like oxygen. He has seen his full diary. Colin does hardly ever treat
himself with a break. It's a miracle that he went away with him.
Whereas Bradley had enjoyed doing nothing. No heavy chain mail, no stumbling
over the long cloak, and no bruises due to the numerous sword fights.
“Colin...” he begins, and swallows the rest of the sentence. He wants to ask
him, if Colin thinks he's a failure. If he's disappointed of him. But he leaves
it.
Colin steps back. “We should get some sun lotion,” he says.
Bradley nods. Silently, they walk back to the hotel. Bradley lies down on the
bed, crossing his arms behind his head. He wants the world to see how much he
loves him.
Colin packs his backpack. The very backpack, Bradley has seen on all those
pictures posted by fans on Twitter.
With care, Colin puts his book, a towel, an apple, and the suntan lotion into
it.
“Are you coming?”
Suddenly, Bradley feels so tired. But then he stands up, grabs his bag, and
follows Colin. Like he always follows him. No matter whereto.
Colin has gone back to his hiding place like a snail into its shell. He barely
looks at Bradley, doesn't even allow him to slather his back with lotion.
Bradley knows Colin isn't doing it on purpose. It has taken him a long time to
understand him. But sometimes it drives him crazy.
A guy in tight leather pants, and a colourful shirt, hands out flyers. “80's
Party,” Bradley reads.
“Col, do we want to go there tonight?”
Colin, who has vanished between the pages of his book, doesn't react. Bradley
throws his hat, and hits Colin's arm.
His friend looks up, so confused, as if he had forgotten everything around him.
Bradley knows that he has to be careful. Often, he had annoyed Colin during the
filming. Colin had never complained, but Bradley soon found out, when he
crossed that invisible border. This time, he is lucky. Colin turns the hat in
his hands, before he throws it back. It misses Bradley's face only by an inch.
“Are you bored?” he asks, and for a moment, Bradley thinks Colin will lie down
next to him, but he stays on his towel, the protecting sand between them.
“I've asked you, if you want to come with me to this party,” Bradley calmly
repeats.
“Sure, why not,” Colin answers, before turning his attention back to the book.
Bradley grins. Maybe Colin would come out today once again. Even if Bradley has
to order one or two beers.
                                     xxxxx
Colin is handsome. Bradley forgets to breathe, and stares at him. He's wearing
a black shirt, which isn't plaid, just this once. He has used a little bit of
hair gel to dress his curls. Suddenly, Bradley doesn't want to go anymore, but
Colin seems to be impatient.
He smiles shyly, as he notices the way Bradley is looking at him.
Hadn't they been a couple for years, Bradley would have fallen in love with him
almost instantly.
It's dark outside, and Colin feels for Bradley's hand. They are one again.
Bradley is proud.
The club is only sparsely attended, and Bradley notices that Colin relaxes. The
DJ puts on the classics. When “You're the Voice” is played, they don't have to
look at each other. It is their song, and will always be their song. Bradley is
facing Colin. They are rocking back and forth, performing their own, little
routine.
As Colin even whispers: “Take me to Glasgow”, Bradley wants to embrace, and
kiss him.
Sweaty and tired, they stroll back to the hotel. The night air is still warm,
the music booms in their ears, and Bradley feels like floating.
As soon as they have closed the door behind them, Bradley can't take it
anymore. He shoves the surprised Colin, so that his back connects with the bed.
A low moan escapes his lips, and Bradley hesitates.
“What's wrong? Are you in pain?” he asks worriedly.
Colin grimaces. “Sunburn,” he admits contritely.
“Mhm,” Bradley huffs. “Wait here.”
He's out of the door, before he can hear Colin's reply. He hopes Colin stays
put, and that he's awake, when he comes back, and has not crawled back into his
shelter once more.
As he slowly opens the door, holding his breath because of the sudden
excitement and anticipation, he notices that the lights are still on. He
breathes out relieved, when he spots Colin on the bed. His friend has taken off
his shoes, and turned himself onto his stomach. His head is resting on his
arms, and he has closed his eyes.
Because his feet are dangling over the edge of the bed, Bradley doesn't think
he's sleeping. Colin is not drunk.
He tiptoes towards the bed, suppressing a silly giggle that tickles the corners
of his mouth. He bends down, and plants a kiss on Colin's nape.
Colin turns his head to one side, his eyelids flutter. He has beautiful, long,
lashes. Bradley climbs onto the bed, and before Colin can utter a protest, he
lifts his black shirt up. Colin's back is red, and seems to glow even more in
the dim light.
“What are you doing?” Colin asks. He tries to skid away, but Bradley clutches
the hem of his shirt.
“Only because you didn't want me to help you with the sunscreen,” Bradley says,
and lays his hand on the hot skin.
Colin doesn't reply, he doesn't even utter a sound, although this has to hurt.
But that's the way Colin is. Bradley picks something up, and this time he can't
hide his smirk. An icy cold drop hits Colin, and his eyes widen. A surprised
“Oh” comes out of his mouth. Bradley grins.
More drops rain down on Colin's back, and then Bradley presses the ice cube
between his shoulder blades, right where he can see the spine.
Colin flinches. “Brad-ley,” he croaks.
Achingly slow, Bradley lets the ice cube slide down his spine, while Colin
arches his back. He draws circles and patterns on the reddened back.
Colin's breath comes in quick gasps, and he has pressed his eyes together
tightly.
Bradley hopes he's not feeling uncomfortable, but he only stops, after the ice
cube has melted.
“Col?” he asks quietly.
“Mhm?”
“Do you want me to stop?” Bradley nearly bites his tongue. He doesn't want to
stop.
“Mhm,” Colin mumbles, and although Bradley fluently talks and comprehends
Colin-speak, he has no idea, if this is supposed to be a “yes” or a “no”. He
takes another ice cube, and brushes over Colin's visible ribs, along his side,
until he reaches his waistband.
Colin sighs.
With one swift motion, he lifts the fabric, and pushes the ice cube into
Colin's trousers.
Colin jumps up, and his head collides with Bradley's.
“Idiot,” Colin curses, and rubs his forehead, before the unpleasant cold gets
to him, and he feels for the ice cube.
“Wait,” Bradley softly says. “I'll help you.”
Colin wants to bat his hands away, but Bradley notices his arousal. Quickly, he
opens the belt, and yanks his trousers down. The ice cube has left a wet spot
on Colin's shorts, and Bradley can't help running his fingers over it. Colin
sucks in a breath.
Bradley gets braver. He pushes his shorts over his buttocks, and finally finds
the ice cube. With a triumphant “Ha!” he takes it, only to run it over Colin's
heated skin again. Colin snuggles up against him, breathing so fast against
Bradley's neck, it gives him goosebumps. He can't see where the ice cube goes.
He only feels it. His hands becomes numb, but he continues, until the second
ice cube has melted, and Colin's quivering body glistens with moisture.
Bradley pushes Colin back, lets him sink on the back. Colin is trembling. He
has an erection.
“You are so beautiful, Colin. So beautiful, “Bradley murmurs, and Colin blushes
to the root of his hair. He doesn't like compliments. Bradley leans down,
unbuttons his shirt, and lets his fingers dance over his chest. Colin has
gained muscles for his new role. Bradley likes that. As he circles a nipple,
Colin lets out a soft moan. Bradley is angry with himself, because he didn't
bring more ice cubes. He would have loved to work on those two little buds,
until Colin begged for mercy.
Now, he can only use his fingers and his tongue to stimulate them. He knows
exactly what to do to bring Colin so close to the edge that one touch sends him
over.
He knows Colin better than anybody else.
                                     xxxxx
The sheets are rumpled, their clothes scattered in the room. It smells of
sweat, lust, and sex. Bradley is exhausted, but his whole body still seems to
vibrate. His throat is dry, but he is too lazy to get up, and fetch something
to drink. Colin is sleeping next to him. His hair was covering his eyes. He is
lying on the side, naked and innocent.
Bradley gently covers him, and avoids touching his sore back.
He watches his friend, the slow rise and fall of his chest. His mouth is
slightly opened, the lips swollen and dark red. The veins are showing under his
arm muscles, and Bradley has to restrain himself from tracing them.
It gets light outside. Grey light creeps through the open window. Bradley
swallows. He can't believe how lucky he is. He hasn't forgotten that he had
ignored Colin at first. His accent was so strong, Bradley could hardly
understand him. Besides, Colin was silent most of the time. It was only when
they had been forced to go through the first scenes together that he had
started to study Colin more closely. He has descended into his depths, and got
lost in his heights. Colin is like a multi story labyrinth with blind spots,
surprising junctions, and a mysterious centre.
And now he is lying next to him, and he belongs to him. Only to him.
His heart is beating painfully against his chest, and he has to bite on his
bottom lip to prevent himself from sobbing out loud.
“I love you,” he whispers into the silence. Then he brushes aside Colin's
sweaty hair, and gets caught in his long eyelashes, until the fatigue makes his
eyelids heavy, and he falls asleep.
A smile on his lips, one hand curled protectively over Colin's hip.
                                     xxxxx
When they come back to a rainy London a few days later, Bradley sees how Colin
changes. His eyes nervously dart around, while they are waiting for the
luggage. He doesn't stand close to him, but a few metres away.
Bradley wants to grab, and shake him. But he doesn't do it. He only stares with
his lips pressed shut at the baggage belt, and ignores Colin's travel bag.
Bradley clears his throat. They have walked to the exit in an uncomfortable
silence.
“So...What have you planned?” he asks, and it sounds wrong. They had been on
holidays together, and now he acts, as if he had accidentally run into Colin at
the airport.
“Uh...” Finally, Colin lifts his head, and looks at him; his eyes only dark
shadows under the bill of his cap. “I have to go back to the theatre. They've
scheduled an additional rehearsal tomorrow. On Tuesday, I will meet a producer.
A thriller, I guess. On Wednesday...”
“Do you have time for me?” Bradley interrupts him harshly, and now he feels
cheap.
Colin pales. He seems to think about whether he has neglected Bradley the past
week, or not. Or maybe he's just trying to find a suitable date for their next
meeting.
Suddenly, he stops walking. His shoulders sag, his bag touches the floor. He
seems lost, and as if something is bothering him.
“Col?” Bradley's heart skips a beat, and he is afraid that he has done it, that
he has broken Colin.
Colin wants to say something, but he can't force it over his lips. He opens his
mouth, takes a deep breath, and closes it again. Like a fish on dry land. A
wriggling, dying, fish.
Bradley shakes his head.
“Can I come to you after the rehearsal tomorrow?” Colin speaks so fast, Bradley
only gets the first part. “Come. To you.”
“Yes, of course. Yes, yes, yes!” he shouts, and some tourists raise their
eyebrows. Colin smiles. The first time, since they've boarded the plane.
“All right, then.” Colin bends down to grab the strap of his bag. Sheepishly,
he twists it between his fingers.
Bradley knows they have to say good bye now, as if they have just met. But then
Colin does something, which surprises Bradley. He steps over his luggage, and
falls into Bradley's arms. He nearly puts Bradley's eyes out with his cap, and
Bradley gently pushes it back.
“Thank you,” Colin says, and Bradley thinks of the morning at the beach.
Colin's hands on his skin. The freedom he had wanted so badly.
Bradley smirks. And Colin kisses him. He tastes of the sea and the sun, and
Bradley feels dizzy. He loves this man so much.
As they finally break apart, Bradley's cheeks are blushed. “Call me,” he says,
when Colin picks up his bag.
Colin nods, before he is swallowed by the crowd.
                                     xxxxx
The first thing Bradley does, after he has closed the door behind him, is
starting his laptop. He transfers the pictures from the memory card to his hard
drive, and looks at them. He would have loved to upload one of these pictures
of him and Colin, but he can't do that, of course.
What he can do is choosing a picture, which had been taken by Colin. Nobody
else knows this. And whenever he looks at the picture, he will think of Colin.
He takes the underwater picture, on which he has tried to pose as Superman, and
makes it his new Twitter profile picture. While he is clicking through the
other images, he starts to laugh. Nearly every other picture they took together
is useless. They either showed Bradley or Colin. Sometimes only water could be
seen. One shows Colin's prominent ear. One is presenting Bradley's swimwear.
One picture shows Colin's chest. Bradley studies the slightly blurred details,
and thinks of the night with the ice cubes.
Quickly, he clicks it away. He finds a snapshot in which he kisses Colin on the
cheek just as he hit the button.
This will be his new background.
Bradley is nervous. It's nearly 8pm, and Colin hasn't called him, yet. Then he
remembers that he doesn't even know, when the rehearsal has started, and he
calms down.
He dials the number of the Globe Theatre, and after he has explained for about
10 minutes, who he is ('You're King Arthur! You've worked together with
Colin!'), he is informed that the rehearsal will be over in half an hour.
Bradley can be at the Globe in about 25 minutes, when nothing goes wrong. He
grabs his jacket, and jogs to the next underground station.
When he arrives at the Globe, two actors leave through the stage door. Bradley
believes they belong to the Tempest cast, but he isn't sure. When he had seen
the play, he had been busy watching Colin. Bradley retreats, and leans his back
against the wall. Five slow minutes pass, and then Colin comes out.
Bradley's heart twitches joyfully. Colin is wearing his red hoodie and the
backpack. His hair is hidden under an ugly woollen hat. Bradley grits his
teeth. He has told Colin more than once that these hats are not sexy, but Colin
had argued that they're keeping him warm.
Bradley waits. He feels like a schoolboy, who is about to play a stupid prank.
Colin stops, reaches into his pocket, and retrieves his cellphone. Bradley
holds his breath.
A second later, his phone rings. Harlem Shake roars through the night. Bradley
has set the tone, when he was in Australia – without Colin – and had literally
gone mad, because he had missed him so much. To distract himself, he had come
up with the idea of the making video.
Colin is confused, as he hears the phone.
Bradley jumps from his hiding place, and shouts: “Boooo!”
Colin sighs, and puts his phone away.
“Are you spying on me? Did you want to make sure I am really at the rehearsal?
Or did you think I'm calling my secret lover?” Colin sounds annoyed.
“I thought I am your secret lover.” Bradley is lopsided.
“No, you're not. You're...”
“What?” Bradley is startled.
“You are the most important person in my life,” Colin quietly says, and
swallows.
Bradley feels, as if someone stabs him in the heart.
“Colin,” he begins hesitantly, and suggests: “Let's go,” because he doesn't
know what to say.
Colin presses himself against him, before resuming his usual safety distance.
“You went shopping? I'm hungry.”
“Sure. I emptied the whole organic shop,” Bradley says, and is a little bit
proud, because he knows what Colin likes best. And he has bought plenty of
those items.
“You haven't cooked, have you?” Colin mocks him. Bradley barely manages to fry
an egg.
“I leave that to my personal housekeeper,” Bradley remarks, and nudges Colin
with his elbow.
“Watch your mouth, or I'll force you to iron your underwear.” Colin talks with
his Dolma-voice, and Bradley giggles.
                                     xxxxx
Although Colin is tired – Bradley sees that he is rubbing at his eyes,
suppressing a yawn – he insists on preparing dinner. Bradley sits at the table,
and watches him. He can't do much more anyway. Colin doesn't want his help. Not
after he had cut himself so deep that Colin wanted to call an ambulance.
“How was the rehearsal?” Bradley asks.
“Mhm,” is everything Colin answers, and Bradley's Colin-alarm is triggered.
“What happened?” he wants to know.
“Nothing,” Colin replies, and continues cutting the zucchini into accurate
cubes.
“Col...” Bradley sighs.
“I tripped. But I'm fine,” Colin says, because he senses that Bradley won't
leave him alone otherwise.
“Really?” Bradley stands up, and hugs him from behind. His head rests on
Colin's shoulder. “You can tell it Doctor James. Where are you hurt?” His hands
slide over Colin's chest. “Here?” He presses his fingers against his sternum.
“Bradley...” Colin whispers.
Bradley ignores him. “Or here?” His hands glide down, pinching his sides. Colin
yelps and flinches. “I have a knife, you idiot,” he says.
“But you are so much better than I,” Bradley murmurs into his ear, while his
hands roam over his body.
“Bradley, please,” Colin says, and he means it.
Bradley plants a gentle kiss on the back of his neck, just below the hairline,
and sits back down.
“Silly stilts...”
Colin pushes the zucchini dices together, and throws them into the pan.
“They are not silly.”
“But dangerous.”
“Bradley, I've been trained for weeks.”
“Still...”
Colin turns around. “Are you worried about me?”
“No...” Bradley bites on his bottom lip. Bad liar. Of course, he is worried. He
had been worried, when Colin had crashed into the wall during his first stunt,
he had been worried, when Colin had hurt his back, and had been sent to the
hospital. He had been worried, when they forced him to throw various things at
him, and when they wanted him to slap Colin's face.
Colin is too precious. Too breakable.
“Then you don't trust me?”
“Of course, I trust you, but something could always...”
Colin lunges at Bradley. The chair groans under the additional weight. Colin
kisses him so roughly, his teeth scrape against Bradley's lips. Bradley pulls
Colin onto his lap. They are locked in a tight embrace, kissing like teenagers,
until a stench wafts through the kitchen.
“The zucchini!”, Colin shouts, and dashes to the stove. His cheeks are flushed,
and his hair is sticking up in all directions.
“Congratulations, the master chef has ruined the dinner!” Bradley laughs.
“You have distracted me,” Colin grumbles, and disposes the burnt vegetables.
“You came at me!” Bradley sulks.
“Only because you're irresistible.”
“And what do we do now?”
Colin snickers, and lifts the well-filled bag. “You really have emptied the
whole organic shop. Don't worry, I'll cook something else.”
“And after that?” Bradley is full of hope.
“We sleep.” Colin yawns.
“Together?”
Colin turns bright red, and attends to his new ingredients.
                                     xxxxx
Bradley doesn't want to tell Colin that he doesn't like what he has prepared.
Colin has cooked some sort of curry, which is hot, and supposedly very healthy,
but Bradley doesn't like it. He would have preferred a steak. But he doesn't
eat meat, when he is with Colin. He knows that Colin has no problem with him
being no vegetarian, but Bradley fears Colin could taste it, when he kisses
him.
And he will kiss him. Everywhere.
“And?” Colin asks. His plate is nearly empty.
“Uh...tastes nice. You want to watch a movie? Or we could play a computer
game?” Colin tries to change the subject.
Colin shakes his head. “I'm really tired.”
“When do you have to leave?” Unwillingly, he impales an eggplant slice on his
fork. He doesn't like eggplants. Why on earth did he buy them?
“The meeting is at 10 am.”
Bradley groans. “We cannot even sleep late.”
Colin raises an eyebrow. “You don't have to get up with me.”
“But I want to. Wake up with you, take a shower with you, and have breakfast
with you.”
“Buffoon.”
“Do you know anything about the film?” Bradley asks, and tries to sound
interested. Maybe he is a little bit jealous that Colin has so many offers.
Maybe he is jealous, because Colin is working so hard, and never gives up.
Maybe he's annoyed that he has to share Colin with others.
“Not much. They sent me an excerpt, and a short summary. But it doesn't sound
bad. Some modern Thriller. Something completely different to Shakespeare.”
Colin laughs hoarsely, and Bradley cringes.
Colin always does something different. Different to Merlin, different to
theatre, different to Island, different to Parked, and so on, and so on.
And Bradley, who is longing for something different, stays put.
“And what about you?” Colin asks, rubbing salt into his wound.
“I haven't found anything, yet,” Bradley replies curtly. He is not in the mood
of talking about his future.
“You should go to the auditions,” Colin suggests. “Maybe you find something you
like.”
Bradley stiffens. His facial features become hard and unapproachable. “Are you
trying to tell me how I have to do my job?”
Colin lets his shoulders sag. He feels the coldness in Bradley's voice.
“No...I just thought...that you should give it a try.”
“Shut up.”
Usually, Bradley doesn't say things like that. He never forbids Coin to speak.
“I only want to,” Colin's voice becomes a desperate whisper, “help.”
“I don't need your help.” Bradley stands up, stomps out of the kitchen, and
disappears into his bedroom.
                                     xxxxx
When he hears the knock on the door, it's nearly 3 am. Bradley is surprised. He
thought Colin would go home. Holding his breath, he listens into the silence.
The door is opened, and Colin squeezes himself through the small gap. Bradley
presses his eyes shut.
“Bradley, are you asleep?” Colin quietly asks, and his voice is raspy and
hoarse.
When Bradley doesn't react, Colin lies down next to him.
“I'm sorry, Bradley,” he says. “I only want you to be happy.”
Bradley lets out a sigh. He doesn't even know why he has been so angry at
Colin. Colin snuggles up against him, wrapping his arms and legs around him.
“I love you,” he whispers against the back of Bradley's neck.
Bradley feels for Colin's hands, holds them tight. A tear runs down his cheek,
another one follows. His eyes sting.
“I love you, too,” he finally replies, and Colin sags, relieved. He moves even
closer to Bradley. His belt is digging into Bradley's back. His lips brush
against his shoulders.
“You should sleep,” Bradley says, although he wants nothing more than turn
around, and take Colin without any preparation or foreplay. Hard and fast.
Scream out fear and anger.
“'M not tired,” Colin mumbles.
“Liar,” Bradley replies, entwining their fingers. “Sleep well.”
Colin murmurs something, Bradley can't understand. It becomes quiet again.
Bradley lies awake, constantly making sure Colin is still here. His fingers
twitch in his sleep, and his breath tickles him. Eventually, he can't keep his
eyes open anymore, and he sinks into a deep, and dreamless sleep. His last
thought goes to Colin, and that he could be right, then Bradley knows no more.
                                     xxxxx
He wakes up, because his stomach is growling like a wild animal. Carefully, he
opens his eyes. His hands are empty. He calls out for Colin anyway. No answer.
Bradley grabs his cellphone. It is nearly 12am. He sits up, half asleep, and
remembers that Colin is already working. He shuffles into the kitchen. There's
fresh coffee in the machine. On a very clean table (when he glances at the
sink, he realizes Colin has also done the dishes) he spots two croissants.
Bradley smiles, as he discovers
Bradley takes a long shower, and buries his face in the damp towel. It smells
of Colin.
After he has devoured the croissants with at least three mugs of coffee, he
calls his agent.
She is surprised to hear from him, and excited, when he tells her to forward
every single offer to him.
After that he dials Colin's number, but his phone has been turned off.
“You don't have to do anything” he types. “I'm sorry that I've dissed you. xx
BJ”
Because he doesn't know what to do with his new found energy, he pulls out
Shakespeare's Hamlet and practises.
He leaves his flat at around 6pm, and sets off. It will take him one hour to
get to Colin.
Sometimes he thinks, he doesn't deserved Colin. Why is he the lucky bastard,
who owns Colin's heart? He's only an average actor, average good looking with
average intelligence.
Their relationship had developed slowly. Agonizing slowly. At the wrap party
after the third season, Bradley couldn't bear it anymore. The whole evening, he
had watched Colin, and whenever Colin had looked at him, impressive fireworks
had gone off inside him.
They had been tired and drunk, most of the others had already left, when
Bradley had grabbed Colin's arm, dragging him with him. The night air was so
cold and refreshing, Bradley nearly lost the courage.
Colin had trembled. He didn't seem to know, why Bradley had brought him out in
the cold. Bradley had pulled him into a hug. Colin had snuggled up against him,
sighing with pleasure.
Bradley had wanted to tell him that he had fallen in love with him, that he had
fallen in love with a male colleague. He fancied women. He would have never
thought of being in a relationship with a man.
But it was Colin, who made the first step. Quiet, shy, Colin.
“Bradley,” he said. His voice surprisingly clear, and not slurred by alcohol.
“Bradley, I am so happy that you are here.”
Bradley had tried to reply something, but Colin got carried away. “Bradley, I
don't want you to go. I need you.”
“Why should I go?” Bradley had asked.
“Because...because...” Colin had fallen silent. He had still been shaking like
a leaf, and Bradley had felt the fear crawling through his body.
Bradley had kissed him. His lips had hit Colin's cheek, and less mouth. He had
tried again. Colin had given himself to him. They had been standing on the
parking lot, until Colin's teeth had chattered so badly, Bradley had called a
cab, and sent him home.
Bradley had been sure, Colin wouldn't talk about their tender advances, but
they had met during the filming break.
He even took Colin to California. They had kissed more frequently. Bradley
loved to touch Colin. He wanted to explore every inch of his body. Most of the
time, Colin let him have his way, but never when someone else was close by.
In the evenings, he told Bradley about his childhood, his parents, and the
problems in his country. He told him about the hatred and the fights, the fear,
and the wish to be stronger. He said to him that he had always been different,
that people had laughed at him, because he had wanted to attend drama school.
And he had told nobody that he was gay.
Bradley rings the bell. Quickly, he dashes up the stairs. Colin's flat is
smaller than his, but always tidy and clean. Nothing is lying around. Colin
stores away everything he doesn't need anymore. Bradley enjoys being in his
flat. From every corner, every wall, Colin seems to greet him. Sometimes he
touches his furniture, just because they bear Colin's invisible traces.
Colin smiles shyly, as he opens the door for Bradley. He is wearing black
sweatpants, and a green hoodie. His hair is still damp from the shower, and
Bradley suddenly desires to rake his hands through the curls.
“I'm sorry,” Colin said instead of hello.
“Don't be. You were right, though. I called Ruth. She will send me every offer,
and I will try to find a new job,” Bradley tells him.
Colin's smile becomes wider, and he steps aside, to let Bradley in. After he
has closed the door, he calmly says: “You're doing this for you, Bradley. Not
for me, or anybody else.”
“Yes,” Bradley replies, before he grabs Colin, and pushes him against the wall.
“I miss the filming, the , the preparations, learning the text, the sets, the
excitement, and most of all I miss what happened after the shooting.”
Colin immediately knows what Bradley means, because he turns red like a tomato.
However, he shakes his head, and laughs.
“I won't be with you. Not this time,” he says.
Bradley tilts his head to one side, and draws a question mark on Colin's chest.
“Will I be allowed to come to you to seek relief from the stress?”
Colin's smile reaches his ears. “You are insatiable, Bradley.”
“I just can't resist you,” Bradley says, and his hand glides to Colin's neck,
pulling him closer to him. They kiss, and finally Bradley can fist his fingers
into Colin's hair. It is soft, so soft, and it drives him crazy, as he twirls
the strands between his fingers, and caresses the scalp, until Colin gets
goosebumps.
Colin nestles up to him. “I don't want to fight with you” he begins, although
Bradley has already forgotten about it. “I was stupid. It's really none of my
business...”
He can't continue, because Bradley puts his finger on Colin's lips, sealing
them shut. “You are my friend, Colin. You are the person I trust most in the
entire world. You are a part of my life, and your opinion always counts. You
have endured so much with me, and hardly ever complained. Sometimes I forget
that you...are you.”
Colin looks at him.
“I don't know what to do without you,” Bradley says, his voice raspy.
Colin kisses him. With devotion and passion. Full of love, trust, and
understanding. Bradley's body is on fire. He feels so hot, he thinks he is
burning alive. He doesn't understand it. Doesn't understand, why Colin loves
him, but he doesn't want to question it.
Colin is his, and nobody else can have him.
“Hey, earth to Bradley,” he hears Colin's voice from a far distance. “What are
you...No, I don't want to know about your dirty thoughts,” he continues, as
Bradley blinks, confused.
“I love you, Colin,” he blurts out, because Colin is still eyeing him
carefully.
Colin's eyes widen, and a soft smile appears on his lips. Nervously, he runs a
hand through his hair, straightens the mess, Bradley has created.
“Love you, too,” he replies barely audible.
They're standing there, unmoving. It is, as if somebody has stopped the time.
Suddenly, Bradley's stomach rumbles.
“Should we order something?” Colin asks, showing his phone.
Bradley wants to say no, because he only wants Colin, but he is really hungry.
“Chinese?” Colin dials the number without waiting for an answer. He seems to be
uncomfortable, or maybe too comfortable. Bradley finally nods, and Colin orders
No. 32 and 65. Like always.
“Why don't you wait in the living room,” he suggests, before slipping back into
the bathroom.
Colin, who is a master in becoming other characters, and forcing his voice to
speak foreign accents, is so pure and clear and like spring water. There's no
costume, no make up, which could disguise him. No one has written down stage
directions or ideas. Colin is naked and vulnerable.
Often, Bradley has to wait for weeks to catch such a short moment. Sometimes,
he can see it, before Colin is reaching his orgasm. Sometimes, it is in Colin's
eyes, when he wakes up, and is still drowsy with sleep. Once, he has seen the
real Colin on stage, during the final call. And when he is satisfied with
himself after having filmed a difficult scene.
Bradley knows how hard it is for Colin, and that he is still very insecure
sometimes. Sometimes, Bradley doesn't know, whether he should laugh about it,
or be sad.
Colin had known early on that he is gay, whereas Bradley would have backhanded
everybody, who talked about homosexuality.
He does remember the day, he had presented Colin to his American friends.
Colin had been so quiet and anxious, they had made fun of him behind his back.
They were tanned, muscular sunny boys, who spent the whole day at the beach,
whistling at girls, and playing volleyball.
Colin looked ill between them. His slender body too thin for his shorts. His
skin was pale, the bones clearly visible.
But his face was bathed in such a beauty, Bradley almost felt, as if he had
been put under some sort of magic spell.
“What do you want with him?” his fellows had asked him, breaking the
enchantment. Colin, who was sitting on a blanket nearby, playing with the
shells he had found, didn't seem to hear them.
“I told you we're on the same tv show,” Bradley had replied, as if this would
explain everything.
“And you drag all of your workmates to your dad?”, one of them had snorted.
“You're not some fag, are you, Brad?” Then they had jumped to their feet,
running towards the sea. Colin had stayed back. He had hidden himself, refusing
to come out again.
Bradley couldn't blame him. It had been him, who had repudiated him had after
all. He had lied to them because of his own fear and shame.
                                     xxxxx
When Colin returns, Bradley is still standing in front of the door.
“You all right?” Colin wants to know, but Bradley takes his hand, and pulls him
close.
He kisses him. His eyes, his forehead, his nose, and his cheeks. Patiently,
Colin holds still. “As long as I can be with you, everything is all right,”
Bradley whispers, nibbling at his ear.
Colin sighs, and pushes him away. “I know that something is bothering you. What
is wrong, Bradley?”
“I don't deserve you,” he says, and something inside of him is painfully ripped
apart.
Colin shrinks back, as if Bradley hit him.
“What?”
“You are so....extraordinary, so unique and special. And I? Who am I anyway?”
Colin shakes his head. “You cannot be serious. You are the first man, who
accepts me the way I am. You never urge me, when I can't...or don't want to.
You sense, when I...when I act weird or stupid. You understand my humour, and
you catch me, whenever I fall. Please,” Colin begs, and he sounds desperate,
“never say this again.”
Bradley chews on his bottom lip. He is surprised about Colin's honest outburst,
overwhelmed even, and suddenly he feels dumb. Colin has crawled out of his
hiding place. He is here. Just like that. And he doesn't leave again. Maybe he
didn't even realize what has happened.
Before he can think of an answer, the bell rings.
Colin opens, and waits at the door to accept the delivery. Bradley takes the
steaming boxes, and follows Colin into the kitchen. Suddenly, he is not hungry
anymore, even though the food smells deliciously.
Colin, who is looking for plates in his cupboard, turns around. He raises his
eyebrows. Without saying anything, he takes away the food, and places is on the
small table, right next to his aloe plant – or whatever the green thing is
called.
Then he grabs his arm, and pulls him behind him.
“Colin?” Bradley croaks, slightly irritated.
Colin doesn't respond, but leads him into his bedroom. The room is light and
friendly. A of Colin's birthplace hangs above his bed. His is green and soft,
and folded so neatly, Bradley is afraid to touch it. Colin stops, his arms
glide from Bradley's hands to his belly, and he shoves his shirt up.
Involuntarily, Bradley holds his breath. Colin's hands are gentle and careful,
as they explore his upper body. Colin moves across his chest to his armpits.
Bradley giggles, and lifts his arms, so that Colin can undress him. The T-Shirt
lands on his duvet. Bradley flinches, as he sees how it ruins the perfect made
bed.
But then he forgets about the shirt, because Colin covers him with wet kisses.
His lips dance over his body, while his hands are scratching his spine. Bradley
moans.
 
The craving, which had been sleeping deep inside of him, comes to life like a
wild beast. It takes all his strength to not rip Colin's clothes off. Colin can
feel his struggling, the contraction of his muscles, the shivers running over
his body. Colin teases him. His tongue dips into his navel, and he bites his
nipples.
Bradley gets hard.
His penis is pressing almost painfully against his jeans. He gasps. His cheeks
turn red, he seems to glow.
Colin has never done this before. Never. This thought nearly sends him over the
edge, and he moans again.
He doesn't want Colin to hurry up, but he can't last much longer.
Suddenly, Colin stops and steps back.
Bradley is about to protest, but he is too scared. He doesn't want to drive
Colin off.
Still, Colin hasn't said anything. He walks to his wardrobe, fetching
something. Only as he turns around, Bradley recognizes the thing in his hands:
a red, frayed, neckerchief. Merlin's neckerchief.
He watches Colin undressing himself, his eyes wide with surprise. His friend is
aroused, and Bradley's penis twitches in response.
Then, Colin sits down, and blindfolds himself with the neckerchief.
Before Bradley can ask, what he is up to, Colin says: “You are the only one, I
can trust blindly. And only have...” He falls silent, and clears his throat.
“Only you are allowed to touch me, wherever you want.”
“Colin,” Bradley pants hoarsely. “You don't have to do that.” His hard-on
hurts, and he wants, he wants Colin so much, but not, if Colin only does it to
please him.
Colin sighs frustrated, fisting his hands into the blanket. “Bradley...”
Bradley swallows hard. Colin isn't just naked. He sits there, open and
unprotected. He can't hide anything. He wants to give himself to Bradley
completely. Of course, he can take off the blindfold any time, but nevertheless
it is an absolute sign of his confidence. It means much more to Bradley than
Colin will ever grasp. This little gesture shows Bradley, how stupid he had
been. He becomes dizzy because of all the love. He doesn't have to proof
anything to Colin.
Quickly, he opens his trousers, shoves them down to his ankles, and stumbles
towards the bed.
                                     xxxxx
Later, they sit in the kitchen, devouring the cold food, as if they are
starving. It's a strangely pleasant atmosphere. They are tired, exhausted even,
but happy. For the first time in a long time, Bradley is filled with this
intense feeling of pure joy. He looks to Colin, who eats quietly. He is wearing
Bradley's T-Shirt, and has wrapped himself in his duvet. Bradley has put on
Colin's hoodie. He thinks of the mess in the bedroom and smirks.
The red neckerchief has to be there somewhere. Bradley has yanked it off
Colin's face, because he wanted to look him in the eyes, while he brought him
to a powerful climax.
Colin's eyes had been so dark, so deep, that Bradley couldn't prevent himself
from falling into them. From a far distance he could hear himself calling out
for Colin. Over and over again, until Colin had wrapped his sweaty and
trembling arms around him, and held him, until he had regained his senses.
Bradley knows that their relationship has entered a new dimension.
No matter how difficult he is. No matter how difficult they both are. Before,
he had only hoped that it would last forever, now he knows that they will grow
old together.
Colin senses that Bradley is watching him, and he lifts his head, and smiles.
He knows it, too. Bradley can read it in his eyes, as if he had carved their
names into the blue orbs.
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!