Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/7353316.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      文豪ストレイドッグス_|_Bungou_Stray_Dogs
  Relationship:
      Nakajima_Atsushi/Male_OC
  Character:
      Nakajima_Atsushi, Dazai_Osamu, Kunikida_Doppo, Edogawa_Ranpo, Tanizaki
      Naomi, Tanizaki_Junichirou, Yosano_Akiko, Original_Male_Character(s)
  Additional Tags:
      Incredibly_Sad_and_Graphic_Backstory, Crime_Fighting, Anal_Sex, Anal
      Fingering, Rimming, Past_Rape/Non-con, Atsushi_is_a_Precious_Cinnamon
      Roll, Oral_Sex, Gay_Sex, Sexual_Content, He's_also_a_bit_of_a_Sex_Kitten
      too, But_he's_also_super_cute_and_serious_and_OMG_I'm_a_mess, Major
      Original_Character(s), First_Time_Blow_Jobs, Boys'_Love, Violence,
      Explicit_Sexual_Content, Established_Relationship, But_they_haven't_gone
      all_the_way_yet, Boys_In_Love
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-07-01 Words: 9567
****** Uncovering Scars ******
by LuketheAuthor
Summary
     Kazuo Ishiguro is in a tentative relationship with Atsushi Nakajima
     while the two of them work at the Armed Detective Agency, using their
     supernatural abilities to help them in cases. However, when a new
     case comes up that brings all of Kazuo's scars back into the front of
     his mind, he may need his partner to help him sort everything out.
Notes
     This fanfic came to me during one of those delirious mornings where
     I'm in bed and come up with crazy ideas while I'm still half-asleep.
     Bungo Stray Dogs' first cour was incredibly fun, but because I loved
     Atsushi Nakajima to pieces, I thought it would be fun to write
     something with him. Since I don't really ship him with Osamu or
     Kyouka, I decided to create my own character and run with it. Thus we
     have a male OC inspired by Kazuo Ishiguro paired up with the most
     precious anime character I have ever gotten the chance of watching.
     Oh well. This was so much fun to write, so I'm not complaining.
     I hope you enjoy!
See the end of the work for more notes
“Ishiguro-san?”
“Huh?”
I look up from my statistic filled computer screen to meet a pair of purple and
yellow eyes, a single long strand of silver framing the left side of them. The
mouth under the irises is slightly parted, and the face is tilted in an
expectant way, looking for the answer to a question asked with a purpose. All
of these things belong to my co-worker and boyfriend, Atsushi Nakajima, and
today has just been another day with the two of us working amongst our fellow
wielders of supernatural abilities here at the Armed Detective Agency.
 “Hey, Atsushi.” I smile at him. “Do you need help with anything?”
“Actually…” Atsushi laughs a little bit and grins before asking, “Would you
mind helping me file some cases in order? Kunikida-san asked me to do it, but
there’s a lot more than I expected.”
“Sure thing.” I get up from the black leather chair and follow him to the metal
filing cabinets. Osamu Dazai, a somewhat infamous detective at the agency, is
lying on the couch right behind us, humming and singing a song about double
suicide quietly to himself. Atsushi gives him a weirded out look over his
shoulder as he crouches down, and I can’t help but chuckle and rub my hand
reassuringly against one of his black gloves.
Immediately my boyfriend’s cheeks flush, and his thumb crosses with mine as he
uses his free ligaments to turn the steel lock on the cabinet. I reach over his
shoulder to grab the handle and pull on it, and we scramble to the sides so we
don’t get smacked by the steel front.
I grab one of the manila folders from the rack inside and flip open the front
cover. “Are these all of the cases that the Armed Detective Agency’s ever
worked on?”
Atsushi shrugs. “I have no idea. I think they keep records digitally now, but
they could still have physical copies.”
I look at the label on the top: August 2010. I get a bad feeling, but I shake
it off and instead flip it open to see what’s in it. A detailed account is the
first thing that pops up, a mugshot held onto it thanks to a paper clip. A man
that has been accused of assaulting young children at an orphanage has now been
put under arrest. Daiki Unohana, a 50-year-old Japanese-American man who was
one of the caretakers at Youthful Minds Orphanage, was taken into Yokohama
Prison and charged with several accounts of battery and one notable one of
aggravated assault. All of the kids that were under his care at the orphanage
have been taken into protective custody and are currently being treated at a
local hospital, but one is currently in critical condition and has been sent to
a Tokyo hospital. A 12-year-old boy named Kazuo Ishiguro-
I stop reading and shove the piece of paper back into the folder. Atsushi hears
the scuffle and looks up from his work of organizing a pile by year. “Is
something wrong, Ishiguro-san?”
I take a breath, set the file down on the tiled floor, and pull at my black
hair until it stands in somewhat messy spikes. “Nah, it’s nothing.” I push up
my pair of dark blue glasses and give him a small beam. “Let’s get back to
work.”
An hour passes with the two of us going through the entire cabinet and making
everything cleaner, Osamu’s humming serving as our background music. I almost
forget about the case file and the orphanage and Daiki Unohana and all the
darkness that comes with those thoughts, but they inevitably creep back into my
brain anyway. Just as I’m able to shake them out, a bark sounds from where
Atsushi and I sit. “GET OFF THE COUCH, YOU LASY ASS!”
A very angry Doppo Kunikida tries to drag Osamu from off the couch by the
collar of his tan trench coat, but he’s not having it. “C’mon, Kunikida-kun!”
he whines, pulling off his headphones and cradling them from a finger. “I have
nothing else to do right now! Can’t you give a man some much deserved break
time?”
“Last time I checked, you had a report to work on and you hadn’t even made a
Word document for it yet.” Doppo snaps, adjusting his glasses and setting his
expression into a stern frown. “Your ‘much deserved break time’ will have to
wait.”
Osamu sighs and plucks himself from his partner’s grasp, brushing imaginary
dust from his coat. “Fine then.” He walks past and snatches Doppo’s spectacles
from his face. “But I’m taking these.”
“YOU LITTLE BASTARD!” Doppo snarls, and Osamu laughs and begins to run. Doppo
chases after him, and the two’s altercation has everyone in the building paying
attention. Rampo Edogawa, the famed detective here, watches the fight behind a
bottle of Ramune. Dr. Akiko Yosano peeps her head out from behind her office
door, rolls her eyes, and walks back into her space. Kenji Miyazawa, the perky
and strong farmer boy, seems the most transfixed in all of this, eyes wide and
eager. Even the Tanizaki siblings look interested until Naomi resumes her
tickling on her older brother, Junichiro.
After Doppo has gotten his glasses back from a now bruised Osamu, he puts them
back on and walks back over to Atsushi and me. “Hey, you two. Brat, Rookie.”
I frown at Doppo’s chosen nickname for me. Before I was hired to work at the
Armed Detective Agency about a couple of months ago, I worked in Tokyo and did
some freelance investigations. One of them ended up being a kidnapping case
that led me to Yukichi Fukuzawa, the authoritative president of the agency here
in Yokohama, and because of my ability, he deemed me a worthy candidate to work
under him. It seems a little unfair for Doppo to call me new to this job even
though I’ve been doing it for a while.
Of course, my ability isn’t the happiest out of my coworkers. It can’t turn
ideals into reality like Doppo’s, it can’t nullify the abilities of others like
Osamu’s, and it doesn’t transform me into a brave tiger like Atsushi’s. Every
time I use it to help me wield a weapon, I venture into the blackness of my own
memory. It’s terrifying and painful, almost as if I’m ripping off a Band-Aid
over and over again and feeling that wound’s sting.
I shake my head slightly, hoping that nobody picks up on it, and focus on
Doppo, who clearly wants our attention.
“The president asked me to relay a case that he wants you to investigate.”
Doppo explains. “An ability user has been running a rehabilitation center known
as Olive Branch here in Yokohama, and there have been accounts of him abusing
his powers and hurting the people there. He needs you to go to the building,
contact the police, and somehow get him to cooperate and into custody. Is this
clear?”
“Yes, Kunikida-san!” Atsushi and I chorus, and Doppo nods once, never losing
his serious edge.
“Good.” He gives my partner another look. “Brat, if you need anything, don’t be
afraid to call here for backup.”
“Roger.” Atsushi salutes, and it’s honestly one of the cutest things I’ve ever
seen. However, as the two of us walk out the door and go onto the staircase,
squeezing each other’s hands once for support, I can’t help but get a bad
feeling that settles into my stomach. Something about the information that
Doppo laid out for us has me thinking back to the case file I was looking at
earlier, and I’m reminded once more of the scars I carry from my past. As
Atsushi hails a cab outside, I pull my black shirtsleeve back to reveal one of
the many marks on my body: a white lightning bolt on the surface near my left
wrist. Before he turns to look at me again, I pull the fabric up again and join
him at the curb, letting out a breath and gathering up my courage. I can tell
he’s doing the same because he’s not as good at hiding it.
I give him a reassuring smile, and he copies the expression as he readjusts the
suspenders that hang over his white dress shirt. Right as I give him a kiss on
the cheek due to him being so adorable, a taxi pulls up, and we’re off to Olive
Branch.
                                     ////
After the cab drops us off at a cheery looking complex with huge glass windows
and stone walls, it drives away, leaving a trail of gas in its wake. Atsushi
and I stand side by side in front of the building, and I can’t help but shudder
at how big it is. Is the guy who’s running this place really hurting all of the
people in this place?
“Is something wrong, Ishiguro-san?” Atsushi asks, cocking his head in my
direction. “You seem really scared about something.”
I shake my head and try to dodge his question by inquiring him. “Why do you
keep on calling me by my last name and –san? We’re dating, so it should be okay
if you refer to me by my first name without an honorific if you wanted.”
Atsushi’s eyes become huge, and he turns beet red as he stutters out an
explanation. “I-I’m sorry! I-I thought that it would be, you know, polite if I
k-kept on calling you I-Ishiguro-san, b-but if you want me to call you by your
first name, I-I can do that. J-Just don’t be mad at me, please!”
“I’m not mad, Atsushi.” I clap a hand on his shoulder. “I’m just curious. I
know you like to be polite with everyone, but we’re closer than just work
partners. I thought that you calling me Kazuo would reflect that and not make
us as distant. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”
My partner shakes his head and gives me a determined look. “No, I want to. I
know politeness is a habit of mine, but I’m not just your work partner right
now. It’ll take a while to get used to, but I can start trying now before we go
in, if you wouldn’t mind.”
To my surprise, he walks forward and tentatively cups my cheek. Both of our
faces heat up, and he leans closer to me, our lips an inch apart. “Ka-”
A gunshot rings out, startling the both of us. I hear glass shatter into pieces
and fall onto cement, and a scream ricochets into the late afternoon. After it
ends, there’s only eerie silence.
“What’s going on?” I whisper.
Atsushi snatches his fingers away from my face and clamps both of his hands
under his arms. He bites his lower lip and looks straight ahead. “I don’t
know.”
I’m not sure whether he’s talking about the almost kiss or what happened in
Olive Branch, but I’m guessing it’s the latter. “We shouldn’t be standing here.
Let’s go see what’s happening.”
There’s a glimmer of fear in my boyfriend’s eyes, but it’s gone as he nods
hesitantly. The two of us start running towards the entrance of the
rehabilitation center at the same pace, and when we go through the automatic
doors and stop at the front desk, a receptionist isn’t there.
Just as I’m turning towards Atsushi to suggest checking the office that the
reception desk is in front of, the sound of gunfire shrieks from upstairs. We
don’t second guess bolting up the staircase to the second floor. All the lights
are off, painting the hallway in black except for small windows here and there.
The doors to occupied rooms are all closed, although whether it’s because
people are hiding or the one who’s shooting the gun wanted to conceal evidence,
I’m not sure. Bullet holes are blown through the wood of all of them, and
through some of the cracks at the bottom, I can see blood pools forming.
Atsushi lets out a whimper when he sees them.
The revolver goes off a couple more times, even louder, and my eyes lock on an
amber light that seems to be emanating to the left of another staircase that’s
right in front of a large pane of glass. “This way.” I mouth to my partner,
right as the shooting gets replaced with a clicking sound, meaning the shooter
is out of ammunition. Atsushi bobs his head up and down, and the two of us
tiptoe down the corridor until we peek our heads around the counter.
A burly man has his back to us, several guns floating around him and coated in
amber light. Maybe the sounds we had heard earlier weren’t just one weapon
going off, but many at the same time. His head is down, focusing on something
on the ground, and when my sight moves towards what he’s looking at, I resist
the urge to scream. Mangled corpses lie in a pile by his feet, one woman and
lots of kids, mostly boys. Not only is their blood staining the carpet and
slowly flowing from wounds in their bodies, but I can see the red ridges of
lightning bolt shaped scars on their faces, arms, and legs.
Recognition hits me in a wave, and everything from the scars to the man’s
height and his salt and pepper colored hair feels familiar. Suddenly I’m
trapped in the past, my brain taking me back to those moments that I don’t want
to remember.
Come here, Kazuo. Don’t you want to join the others for food?
What do you mean you know what happened to them? It’s not what you’re thinking,
that’s for sure. I haven’t done anything bad to them.
It’s a shame, really. You’re going to grow up into such a fine young man, I can
tell. See, you’re even enjoying this when it’s just the two of us here. Look
at-
I gulp down the terror that’s rising in my throat and gather up enough
confidence to say, “We’re with the Armed Detective Agency. Turn around and
state your name.”
The guy turns around, and I prevent my eyebrows from rising in surprise by
squeezing my fingernails into my palms. His startlingly dark blue eyes and that
sneer look exactly like the mug shot I found in the file but dialed back
several years, and another cycle of memories begin in my head. They’re all
images this time: the 12-year-old me being pinned down by heavy arms, torn rags
on the ground, a blade looming over my skin, the scent of rotten meat as-
“What do you want?” The man’s voice drips with disgust as he cocks his head to
get a closer look at us. His floating guns all turn to point directly at
Atsushi and me.
I’m officially scared now, and no matter how hard I try to shove the pictures
out of my mind, they stay firmly entrenched. My hands immediately travel to the
sleeves of the button-up over my longer shirt, tugging on the corners to try
and provide some comfort.
“We’re with the Armed Detective Agency.” Atsushi repeats, his voice the most
serious I’ve ever heard it. When I look at his expression, his eyes are set in
a glare and his mouth is firm. There’s an aura of power coming from him that
I’ve only really felt whenever he’s transformed into a tiger completely or when
it’s just parts of his body, and I can’t help but be awestruck by it. “We’re
investigating this rehabilitation center and its president who has abused their
supernatural ability and hurt lots of people.”
“Well, you’re looking at him.” The guy chuckles as if he just told a really
funny joke. “Saburou Unohana’s the name. As you can see, my ability can make me
use weapons telepathically so they can float. Pretty cool, right? Oh, and if
you need your evidence,” his hands splay down at the bodies crowded around his
feet, “you have it. Are we done here?”
No. This can’t be happening. I can’t be running into someone who’s linked to
the pain I felt in the past, and I don’t want these nightmares to be floating
around in my head anymore. Why can’t they all be purged?
I must make some kind of sound, because Saburou assesses me for a while. Then,
his eyes flicker with recognition. “I knew you looked familiar. You were at
that orphanage my brother worked at forever ago, aren’t you? You were his
favorite person there, you know that? He always sent me pictures of you broken
and bleeding.”
Atsushi turns towards me. “Ka-Ishiguro-san, what is he talking about?”
It doesn’t even register that Atsushi almost said my first name. Saburou’s
words send me spiraling back, the images from before now becoming filled with
sounds. I’m screaming in most of them, and Daiki Unohana is leering, voice
changing from creepy to absolutely insane depending on the moment.
Quit squirming! This won’t hurt at all if you don’t move.
That’s better, isn’t it? God, you look so beautiful like this. All these scars
really add to the look.
Do you know how lucky you are to be in this position? I know some women who
would kill to be in my arms and feel this pain that you’re feeling. Oh well. I
guess those girls will just have to wait. I’d be happy to dive straight into
this-
“LOOK OUT!”
Atsushi tackles me to the ground just as one of Saburou’s rifles goes off,
ringing the only thing I’m able to hear until I land on the carpet. My partner
hovers over me, clutching me to his chest and whispering incoherent things
under his breath.
“Holy crap.” I breathe. “Thanks for saving me.”
“You’re welcome.” Atsushi quickly checks me over to see if I have any injuries
and sighs in relief when I’m okay. I notice that a bullet grazed his shoulder
and tore through his white dress shirt. It’s luckily not bleeding, so I think
he’ll be fine.
“We need to fight this guy off together and restrain him until we notify the
police.” I try to formulate a plan in my head as I slowly get up from the
floor. Atsushi moves his hands away and stands. “I’m going to need time to
activate my ability, so could you try and see if you can disable any of the
guns floating around him? I don’t know if you can exactly turn your limbs into
tiger ones at will, but it’s worth a shot, right?”
“I think so.” Atsushi nods, his face becoming less worried and more serious.
“I’ll make sure Unohana-san doesn’t lay a scratch on you.”
“Roger.” I copy his salute that he did to Doppo before we left the agency, and
my boyfriend lets a snicker out of his mouth.
“Are you lovebirds done with your chitchat yet?” Saburou yawns with
exaggeration. “I’m getting bored over here.”
Atsushi and I exchange one more look, and as he grits his teeth and wills
himself to become the Beast Beneath the Moonlight, I whisper the familiar
incantation under my breath. “Ability: Remains of the Day.”
Everything that’s been in my mind all day comes flooding to the front, and I
close my eyes and hold my hands out in front of me. I can feel magic pulse in
my palms, and the most vivid memory that I have pops into clear focus: that
horrible feeling whenever Daiki first cut through my skin to leave another
scar. I can hear myself shrieking and begging for him to stop, but he goes
onward, cooing and shushing me. I take all of that misery and think of a weapon
that I can use to knock this scum off the earth. When my eyelids flutter open,
a sword rests in my hands and Atsushi’s standing next to me, his arms now
covered in white fur with black stripes like his tiger form, his eyes a solid
yellow with only slits for pupils, and two black lines running down each of his
cheeks.
Saburou’s no longer enjoying himself. He looks somewhat terrified, and when
Atsushi raises his fists and drops the scraps of several of his guns, it’s
pretty clear where his fear is coming from. I hold my weapon out in front of me
and step back. My partner catches my drift and does the same, leaving the
culprit to frown.
“What are you gonna do now?” he inquires, the three remaining pistols he has
immediately locking onto us. “I know I can’t damage the tiger, but I could
easily find a way to end your life, Brother’s Favorite.”
“On the count of three,” I mumble, “I want you to sneak behind him and hold his
arms together. I’m going to knock him out.”
Atsushi bobs his head up and down once and steadies his stance. Right as
Saburou makes a firing motion with his fingers, the two of us dash forward and
dodge the bullets coming from the remaining guns. My partner grabs Saburou’s
limbs and pins them behind his back, and although the revolvers now swing
towards just me, I don’t have time to be afraid.
With a deep breath, I hold up the hilt of my sword to Saburou’s head. “This is
for everything your brother did to me.” I calmly state, and before he even has
the chance to respond, I slam the base into his head, sending him and his
weapons clattering to the floor.
My boyfriend lets go and his features become human again, but I’m still staring
at the villain and pondering whether if making him unconscious is enough. His
brother may be locked behind bars now, but the two of them have caused many
people to die and have lasting effects caused from their torment, including me.
Nobody deserves to suffer like the casualties that now surround Saburou’s body,
and now that I think about it, he’ll still wreak havoc if he lives through
this.
I know I’m taking a big risk, but that doesn’t stop me from pointing my blade
directly at Saburou’s right eye. Atsushi seems curious at what I’m doing at
first, but when he realizes what course of action I’m taking, he backs away
from the criminal in a backwards crawl, looking terrified but accepting.
“He deserves it. He deserves it. He deserves it.” I mutter over and over again
under my breath, and before I can second guess myself, I drive my sword through
Saburou’s eye and don’t stop until I hit his brain.
                                     ////
After Atsushi calls the police, we talk with the officers about me having to
kill Saburou and go through the case file they brought. It seems that he really
was the awful person they suspected him of being, although I’m pretty sure the
dead bodies would’ve been the last straw. They don’t ask me to give over the
sword, so I hold it back out in front of me and make it dissolve back into the
depths of my mind.
We’re able to get a taxi ride back to the Armed Detective Agency to report on
the case, and then Atsushi and I walk back to his dorm where he’s letting me
stay the night. Instead of going to sleep, I stand on the wooden deck and hang
over the railing, studying the purple sky and the stars dancing across it.
I hear footsteps padding toward me, and I know they belong to Atsushi right as
they stop and a throat is cleared. “Ka-I mean, Ishiguro-san, what was Unohana-
san talking about at Olive Branch? You know, the stuff about you being the
favorite of his brother or something like that? And why did you kill him?”
I let out a breath and turn around, ready to tell Atsushi everything. However,
when my eyes focus on him, my throat catches. He’s wearing a pair of dark blue
pajamas that make him look young, and even though some people would consider
them babyish, I think he looks adorable in them. The expression he has on is
the determined look from the fight with Saburou, but it’s softer, not as
concerned with getting the job done and more like he wants to get to the bottom
of something naturally without hurting someone’s feelings.
“It would be better to start off with telling you about how my ability works.”
I sit down on the floor of the deck and set my right hand on the knee of my
khakis. “I’ve never really told you the truth about it before.”
Atsushi sits down next to me, his arm brushing against mine, and I instantly
become reassured as I explain. “When I first became part of the agency, I said
that my ability had to do with memories. Only the president really knows how it
works, and you’ll be the second. I’m able to go through memories and pick
moments that I can use in order to wield weapons.”
“Can you only use your own, or can you use the memories of others?” Atsushi
asks.
“My weapons are stronger if I use my own, but if I wanted, I could peek into
someone else’s head.” I lean my head back and rest it against the steel beams
that connect the ledge to the ground. “But there’s a catch. I can only use
memories that are associated with negative emotions. Let’s say that there’s a
guy that needs to be knocked out. I could look back on a time where I fell and
didn’t have enough time to grab onto a support beam. I ended up skinning my
knee and felt terrible. I could conjure up a replica of that beam that I could
use to make the man unconscious.
“And as for the stuff about Saburou, well….” I bite my lip and look at Atsushi,
who appears like he genuinely cares about what I have to say. I resist the urge
to give him a hug. “I grew up in an orphanage known as Youthful Minds, and one
of the caretakers was Saburou’s brother. His name was Daiki, and he treated all
of us like shit.”
“I feel like Rampo-san talked about this before. He might have even worked on
the case.” Atsushi muses. “Wasn’t Daiki Unohana arrested for battery and that
one count of aggravated assault?”
“Yeah.” I laugh bitterly. “I was that one case.”
Atsushi’s eyes widen in horror. “You don’t mean-”
I nod gravely. “Do you want to see what he did to me?”
My partner looks concerned, but he still says, “Sure.”
My hands quiver as they rest against the fabric of both of my shirts, and even
though I’m scared to show someone what happened in my past, Atsushi deserves to
know. He’s worked with me ever since I came to the Armed Detective Agency, but
we’re also just beginning to become lovers. It’s time that he sees the truth
before it’s right in front of his face and he becomes terrified.
I pull off both my long sleeved shirt and the button-up and lay them beside me.
The minute Atsushi sees my skin, he gasps and claps his hands over his mouth.
Scars are everywhere, running down my arms, chest, and back in jagged lines.
Some are small and short, faded and not noticeable, but others, like several
that cover my back and the ones that are under both of my wrists, are long and
ugly, and the marks of where they were held together by stitches still remain.
“What did he do to you?” Atsushi cries, his fingers landing on my shoulders and
lightly turning me so he can see all the marks on my back.
“Everything.” I mutter, tears springing to my eyes as the memories flood right
back to the front of my brain. “He hurt the others at the orphanage, but I was
somehow his favorite. He viewed me as a possession that he couldn’t let go of.
He would drag me into a back room that kids were held in for trouble once a
week, lock the door, and made sure I couldn’t escape. It didn’t matter if he
pinned me down or had me cuffed to the wall; he didn’t want me fleeing no
matter the cost.
“But that wasn’t all.” I shudder as a violent moment becomes clear again, and
it makes me feel like throwing up. “He…did stuff to me. It never stopped at the
scarring by cutting a knife into my skin. He would always tweak a nipple, leave
a bite mark on my neck, tickle me viciously, and even jerk me off by hand and
convinced me that it felt good. I didn’t know how to handle everything. I was a
confused 12-year-old with hormones that acted up out of nowhere. And then, that
night when the Armed Detective Agency came with the police to shut everything
down, he…” I pause and let the words slip past my lips, even though they hurt
me, “raped me.”
Atsushi makes a sound that sounds like a mixture of a gasp and a sob.
“When the detectives and officers found me in that holding cell, I was on the
floor in a pool of my own blood, screaming and crying for Daiki to stop. He had
his hands around my neck, about to choke me, and he was thrusting away, not
even caring.” Tears are running down my face, and I bring my fists up to them
to try and wipe them away. “It was horrible. The people who had arrived were
furious and screaming at him to stop, but Daiki said he wouldn’t stop until he
came inside me. He forced me to do it at the same time, and at that moment I
knew I would never be the same. He had so much power over me, and I thought I
would stay powerless and stuck in that torment forever.”
I swallow and try to regain some of my cool, but my eyes are still wet. “After
they wrestled Daiki away from me, had him arrested, and made sure the orphanage
was shut down, I was sent to the intensive care unit of a hospital in Tokyo and
was immediately sent for counseling. I talked about all the stuff that went
down, and they listened. Eventually I was offered to go through the foster
system, and I did end up living with a family for a few years. But at 16, I
found out I had my ability when I had to defend myself against some thugs, and
when I recounted my time at the orphanage and out came a sword, I realized that
I needed to do something.
“I left home, rented a place by myself, and decided to become an independent
detective to find guys like Daiki Unohana and made sure they got what they
deserved.” Anger rises up in me, and it comes out in a snarl. “It’s not fair
that they get away with hurting kids like that and somehow don’t face the
consequences of their own actions. I made sure they got thrown behind bars no
matter how scared it made me to recount my past every time I fought against
them, and one of the cases I was working on led me to the president, which is
why I’m here now.” I shake my head and try to clear my thoughts, and this time,
it works. “I hadn’t killed anyone back then, but I had no choice today. Knowing
that Saburou was related to that bastard terrified me, and I knew that he
didn’t deserve the sentence behind bars that his brother had.”
Atsushi’s gone strangely silent, and when I turn to see how he’s doing, he
throws himself on me and wraps his arms around me.
“Atsushi….” I whisper, not expecting his sympathy.
“I’m so sorry, Kazuo!” Atsushi sobs into my shoulder, and I’m even more shocked
when my first name slips easily from his mouth. “To have to suffer through
something like that for so long; that’s horrible! I grew up in an orphanage and
didn’t nearly have it as rough as you! I can’t imagine how I would’ve felt
being assaulted every week and not being able to defend yourself. It’s not your
fault, Kazuo! It’s not your fault!”
“Atsushi, Atsushi, it’s okay!” I run my fingers through his silver hair and he
looks up, eyes a little red and tears flowing down his cheeks. “What did you
mean by growing up in an orphanage and not feeling as bad as I did?”
Atsushi moves up and rubs at his eyes, calming himself down by taking deep
breaths. “Well, I grew up in a situation like you, although they never actually
hurt me the way you were hurt. They would hit me from time to time, take my
food away, and tell me I was worthless, so I developed this really bad habit of
pitying myself and blaming myself for things that were out of my control. But I
just felt like it would have been so much worse if I experienced what you did.”
“It’s mostly behind me now.” My hand moves down through his locks and ends up
at the side of his neck. “I mean, I do remember it sometimes, but I don’t want
it to rule over my life. I’m accomplishing that now by being with you.” When I
think of what to say next, I can’t help but smirk. “You said my first name just
now, Atsushi.”
Atsushi flushes and pouts. “I did.” He snaps out of his embarrassed daze and
looks me dead in the eye, giving me a serious smile. “But that’s because I love
you, Kazuo. I think being with you today made me realize something that’s been
building up all this time.”
“Really?” I cock my head. “What is it?”
“I mean,” Atsushi’s cheeks become pink again, “you and I have always worked
well together as partners. We’re both serious about working, we both care about
what we do, but you try to let your past go out of fighting while I’m still
stuck in it from time to time.” He takes my hand off of his shoulder and
cradles it in his palm. “If we stay together, we’ll balance each other out and
have each other’s backs no matter what.”
“That’s a nice sentiment.” I lean up to him so our noses are touching. “Do you
want to act on it?”
My partner laughs breathlessly, but that determined look returns to his face,
and before I have time to react, he’s kissing me. His lips are feather light
against mine, soft and gentle, but then I grab his head and bring him closer,
laying down on the wood of the deck as the kiss deepens. Atsushi’s tongue laps
against the corner of my lip, and I don’t hesitate in capturing it with my own.
We stay like this for a while before Atsushi separates from me, growls in a way
that’s both cute and incredibly arousing, and brings his mouth down to my neck.
“A-Atsushi, what are you-” My question gets cut off as my boyfriend begins
nibbling at my collarbone. The way he lightly bites my skin and lays his lips
on it makes my toes curl, and I can’t help but moan as his ungloved hands reach
my hips and move in circles. I know that everything he’s doing with his mouth
is going to leave a bright pink mark on my skin, but I don’t care. This feeling
makes me want Atsushi to leave hickeys all over my body just so I can love them
more than the scars everywhere else.
Atsushi kisses me one more time and stares at my face, his own heating up even
more than usual. “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to be so forward with that. I
just…saw your neck, and I guess my tiger instincts kicked in.”
“You don’t need to be sorry. God, that felt amazing.” I chuckle and fiddle with
the strand of hair that falls over his face. “Who knew that you were secretly a
sex kitten?”
My boyfriend frowns and swats my shoulder. I laugh some more and move to a
sitting position, grabbing my shirts with one hand and cupping his face with
the other. “Anyway, do you want to keep going?”
I get a nod for a response, and I give Atsushi a tender kiss as the two of us
stand up. “Alright.” I gesture towards the door leading into his apartment.
“You’re gonna have to lead the way, though. I’m pretty sure you’re the only one
allowed to unlock the front door.”
Atsushi grabs onto my fingers and pulls me with him to the entrance, taking a
metal key from his pocket and putting it into the lock. He turns it to the
right, we both walk inside, and then his lips are on mine again in the same
heated way as before. It only takes a few steps until we collapse on the futon,
my boyfriend below me with me above him.
We break apart, Atsushi and I both gasping for air. His cheeks are pink, but I
can also feel my own filled with warmth. I throw my shirts to the side, quickly
pull off my glasses, and move my ligaments down to the edge of his pajama top,
softly tugging at the edges. “May I?”
My partner brings his arms up, his grin serving as a ‘Yes’, and I tug the
fabric up and off his body. Immediately my hands wander over his pale skin,
rubbing against the bone of his shoulder and gliding over his surprisingly
slightly built stomach. I tickle the left side of his abdominal and cause him
to squirm and gasp. “K-Kazuo! E-Enough already!”
I giggle and pull down his pants and underwear at the same time, but when I see
his arousal pop out and land above his belly button, I stop laughing and just
straight up gawk. “Oh my god.”
Atsushi tilts his head and looks confused. “Is something wrong?”
“No, nothing’s wrong.” I take his penis in one hand and continue to stare. “You
just have a big cock, that’s all. I see the tiger blood went somewhere.”
My boyfriend’s face immediately turns as red as a tomato, and he starts
blubbering while his hands move frantically. That’s the moment I decide to
stroke his shaft and watch the pre-come begin to bead on the head and the
foreskin move up and down. Atsushi stops freaking out and starts to moan,
gritting his teeth as his fingers find their way to my head. They thread
themselves into my short black strands right as I start to take him into my
mouth, and he maintains a tight hold as I lick around the tip in moist
rotations.
It isn’t long before I begin to bob my head up and down slowly, wanting to see
how much of his dick I can fit into my mouth. Atsushi resists the urge to
clutch onto my face and start doing my movements for me, but I can tell just
how much he enjoys it from the way his face contorts into several different
expressions and how pants escape out of his mouth. I hold what’s not being
serviced by my tongue in one hand and use the other to pinch one of his
nipples. Despite the fact that the action reminds me way too much of my past, I
try to do it in the softest way possible, rolling the areola between two of my
fingers rather than giving it a nasty twist.
Right as I feel my partner’s thighs tense, he manages to get out, “K-Kazuo, l-
let me do this to you.”
I take Atsushi’s member out of my mouth and cock my head. “You mean you wanna
blow me?”
His eyes bulge out of his head. “Why are you so forward about all of this?”
I shrug. “It’s not like anyone’s overhearing this. Besides, this kind of moment
calls for me saying things like ‘cock’ and ‘blow’.”
Atsushi sighs and puts his head in his palm. “You do kind of have a point.”
Before I can refute that, we’ve already switched positions, my lover’s naked
body hovering over me and me lying on the blanket. His eyebrows furrow in
concentration as he unzips my khaki pants and pulls them down along with my
boxers. He looks at my penis and brushes his fingers against it for a second
before he surprisingly puts it all in his mouth.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” I yelp as Atsushi’s saliva gets all over my arousal. “Fuck,
you’re serious about this!”
Atsushi looks up, and for a second, his eyes have a primal flash to them. Then
they return to normal, wide but courageous, and the look he’s giving me is so
erotic that I could ejaculate from it alone. I think he realizes that too,
because he smiles like a child around my member and flashes me a thumbs-up.
My next gasp mixes with a chuckle, and my lover also giggles. The sound
vibrates against the surface of my cock, and that’s when I start moaning again.
He keeps on blowing me vigorously, and pretty soon I feel a tensing in my body.
“A-Atsushi, I t-think I’m g-gonna come!”
He raises one of his eyebrows as if to ask the question whether to swallow it
or not. I don’t have time to answer as I throw my head back and yell at a
volume I didn’t even know I could reach. Atsushi decides to go with the former
and swallows all of the semen that comes out, and when all’s said and done, he
laps one more time at the head and pulls back, licking his fingers to get any
last drops.
Seeing him do this gets me hard again. Before I even realize what’s going on,
I’m up and we’re making out. His tongue is salty and bitter, definitely as a
side effect of me releasing into his mouth, but I kind of like the flavor
complementing against the nothingness of saliva. When we separate, I ask,
“Atsushi, do you have any lube and condoms on you?”
My boyfriend blushes and bites his lip. “Maybe. Let me look.” He gets up from
the futon and walks over to a wooden dresser outside the kitchen, and I
shamelessly stare at his butt as he rifles through drawers. It takes only a
couple of minutes, but right as I feel like I could get used to the sight of
Atsushi’s backside, he’s walking over with a box and a bottle.
“How do you have this stuff?” I inquire as my partner opens the box and gets a
foil package.
“Well...” Atsushi starts, “when Dazai-san found out we were dating, he gave
these to me as a present and talked about safe sex.”
“Why am I not surprised?” I laugh. “He’s almost like your father.”
“Yeah, a little bit.” Atsushi replies. He passes me the condom he got out of
the container and the lubricant bottle, and right as I set the package to the
side and pop open the top of the canteen so I can squirt lotion onto my
fingers, I hear the sound of shifting on the sheets of the futon. When I look
up, Atsushi’s rear is all that I can see.
I lean to the left and see that my lover’s forehead rests against his arms on
the pillow and his eyes are closed, already prepared for what I’m about to do
next. “Looks like someone’s impatient.” I tease, resting my middle finger
against his anus. He lets out a nervous breath in response.
When my ligament first sinks in, I hear Atsushi gasp and feel him tense up
around it. I rub my free hand reassuringly against his back. “Relax.” I
whisper, leaning over and kissing the skin that I just went over once. “I know
it’ll be hard to pretend that it’s not even there, but I promise, I’ll be done
soon.”
“O-Okay.” My partner shakily breathes as I continue, adding another finger to
the one already inside him. It’s slow and sinuous work, but I like seeing
Atsushi react and I can’t help but imagine what it will feel like when it’s my
penis instead of my ligaments. I unexpectedly hit a bundle of nerves that I
identify as the prostate only after my lover sharply inhales and lets out a
long groan. I ease up against it every thrust, and soon Atsushi is making
incomprehensible noises and trying his hardest not to come. I can tell from the
way his face is set: eyes focusing straight ahead and teeth bared.
I decide it’s now time to pull out my fingers, using my other hand to rip open
the package and quickly roll a condom down my shaft. After I rub some lubricant
onto it, I settle into place. “Are you ready, Atsushi?”
Atsushi bobs his head up and down, taking my hand in his and kissing the top. I
blush and try to focus on entering him, and when I do, a curse slips past my
teeth. My boyfriend moans once into the pillow and then moves his head up and
does it again when I stop moving. There’s a pause as the two of us settle into
our positions, me the giver and Atsushi the receiver.
“Are you okay?” I inquire, withholding a groan as my partner pulses around me
once.
“Yeah.” Atsushi answers, swallowing and looking over his shoulder at me. He
gives me a smile, even though I know it must be a little painful. “You can
start moving.”
I nod and pull out of my boyfriend until only half of my arousal is inside of
him, and then I push myself back in. The shout that comes from Atsushi’s mouth
is enough to wake up the neighbors, but instead of keeping his volume down, he
continues and even gets louder at some parts. My groans join him as I thrust,
getting lost in pleasure and the rhythm we’re creating. My skin slaps against
his, our voices form a chorus, and everything feels right in this moment.
However, I feel like I’m missing something.
After several minutes of the two of us like this, I move out of Atsushi and rip
off the condom, trying to find a trash can that I can toss it in and failing. I
end up just putting it somewhere to the side and lying down onto the futon, my
head resting against the fabric.
My partner moves out of position and turns to look at me, a concerned
expression on his face. “Are you okay, Kazuo?”
“Yeah, I’m great.” I reply, my blue eyes locking onto his purple and yellow
ones. “I just wanted to try something.”
“Okay.” Atsushi bobs his head up and down, palms splayed out in front of me.
“What is it?”
I take a breath and let it out, feeling as if I’m letting go of everything that
Daiki did to me with it. “I want you to be the one who takes control.”
My lover startles, hands moving up so they frame his face. “Huh? But what about
all that happened with-”
I shake my head and take Atsushi’s fingers in mine, pulling him down until our
noses brush against each other. “That doesn’t matter right now. I know that you
don’t have a malicious bone in your body and that you wouldn’t hurt me, so I
trust you.” I shoot a knowing glance towards his crotch. “Besides, when I saw
what you were packing, the first thing that popped into my mind was ‘How would
that feel inside me?’.”
Atsushi looks down at our touching cocks, sees that his trumps mine in both
length and girth, and his whole body turns the shade of a rose.
“Whoops, too far.” I tap the side of his head, and he refocuses. “Anyway, you
can prepare me however you want. You don’t have to do fingers and lube like I
did. I’m down with whatever.”
All of a sudden, my boyfriend’s eyes light up like a lightbulb has gone off in
his head. His mouth morphs into a devilish smirk, and although the look’s
strange on him, considering that I said earlier that he didn’t have any
malicious bones in his body, it still looks sexy as hell. I feel like I should
be worried, but right as I dismiss this notion, I see Atsushi’s hair frame my
arousal, my legs move until they rest on his shoulders, and feel something
moist lap at my entrance.
“Like I said, you’re a sex kitten.” I joke as I realize that my lover is going
to prepare me with his tongue. His laugh ghosts against my skin, and then his
wet appendage slips inside me.
My breath hitches feeling Atsushi’s tongue sliding around in my anus, and to
say that I wasn’t expecting it to be this good was an understatement. I enjoyed
topping Atsushi earlier, but I guess part of me wants to actually be underneath
someone on my own free will. Daiki Unohana wouldn’t let me refuse and left
marks all over my body, but I know Atsushi Nakajima will understand if I have
problems and paint over those marks with his love.
My partner grabs the condom box and tears open another one, quickly putting it
on alongside lubricant. He beams at me and moves until our lips barely touch,
his whisper sending a pleasurable shiver down my spine. “Kazuo.”
His kiss dulls the initial pain of his first thrust, but it fades away as he
moves from my mouth to leave a trail of pecks down my body, making sure to
touch every single scar left from Daiki’s knife. He lingers at my abdominal
muscles and kisses the wounds on all six ridges, and the feeling of his tongue
against another sensitive part of my body makes me moan.
When Atsushi stills inside me, and I marvel at the fact that he was able to fit
all of his dick into me, he looks into my eyes. “Kazuo, about your scars….”
“Yeah?” I’m breathless, but I’m still able to let the word slip past my lips.
My boyfriend uses one of his hands to trace a mark that runs across my neck. “I
don’t find your scars ugly. What that man did to you was cruel, but I think all
of these are a reminder that you lived through it. They show how strong and
resilient you’ve become, and because of everything that happened, you’re going
to be able to survive anything that people throw your way.”
“Atsushi….” My heart begins to thrum erratically in my chest and my cheeks heat
after I hear those words. I’ve always viewed my scars as a nasty reminder of
what I’ve been through with no redeeming quality to be found, but if Atsushi
was able to uncover his own meaning, would the agency that I call home come to
the same conclusion? Would they see my wounds as a sign of strength and not
weakness? I’m pretty sure the answer is yes, but I won’t know until I tell
everyone else.
I’m back in the present when Atsushi comes out of my anus and thrusts right
back in, a look of concentration on his face. For some reason, I can’t help but
find the position I’m in more intimate than what the two of us were doing
earlier. At this angle, I can see the details of my boyfriend’s reactions as he
moves: his furrowed eyebrows, the gleam of lust in his eyes, the drops of sweat
that run down his face and body, and his clenched jaw and teeth. It’s almost as
if I’m hyperaware of everything about him, like I’m just about to paint a
picture with him as my subject while showcasing some kind of theme that
utilizes love. It’s overwhelming and intoxicating, and it’s exactly what I
wanted. The feeling of receiving this while knowing that the person loves me
has filled a void inside me, and that alone makes me gasp.
As he continues thrusting, the noises that Atsushi lets out are more like the
ones a tiger would make. Sensual growls and pants leave his throat, and the
sounds make me let out ones of my own. I moan and groan and say his name over
and over again, and he leans down to nibble on my neck once more. This time he
sucks hard enough to leave a mark, and my toes flex as I yell, “Shit! Atsushi,
please! Don’t stop!”
My lover nods and moves even faster, hitting my prostate every single time. I’m
teetering closer and closer to the edge every time I feel Atsushi’s penis slide
in and out, but when he leans down to my ear and huskily whispers, “Kazuo, I
love you,” I lose it. I cry out as sperm splatters all over my chest, and my
head tilts back completely, my eyes now staring at the ceiling instead of my
boyfriend’s face.
Atsushi’s features immediately come back into focus when he leaps forward,
pulls me up, and wraps his arms around me, somehow going even faster than he
was before. He closes his eyes and they scrunch up, trying to withstand the
pressure for as long as possible, but it’s inevitable. His last erratic thrusts
are punctuated by moan after moan after moan, but when he finally stops inside
me and buries himself to the hilt, he arches his back and lets out a shout both
animal and human. I feel him pulse inside me as he fills the condom with semen,
and his breathing slows and his gaze flickers down as he comes back from the
brink.
I marvel at this man, both tiger and human, somehow both adorable and capable
of being undeniably sexy, and who loves me in a way that I can’t quite fathom,
even if my feelings are the same. All I can do to acknowledge that he’s the
amazing person he is is to kiss his cheek and embrace him, peacefully in bliss
for a few minutes.
                                     ////
After cleaning up my chest and Atsushi’s crotch with tissues and putting the
other things away, he gets back into his pajamas, I put on my boxers, and the
two of us tightly squeeze into his futon, somehow fitting despite it really
only being for one. My boyfriend’s head rests against my chest while his arms
are wrapped loosely around my waist, and this gives my fingers the excuse to
play with his hair, especially the long lock that goes past his chin. We stay
like this until I ask, “How are you feeling?”
“Well, I’m tired.” Atsushi yawns, making an adorable little sound like a kitten
meowing. “But I’m also really, really happy. It felt good just to let go of all
of those feelings of love and, you know…put them to use.” The place where he’s
laying grows even warmer.
“Great to hear. I feel the same way.” I peck his forehead and ruffle his mane,
looking down at him. “I think sex will work better between us if we switch
roles, but I’ll probably prefer having you be the dominant one.”
“Why is that?” Atsushi’s voice piques.
“It’s not just because of that weapon you’re wielding underneath your pants.”
My ligaments move down to lightly tap against the front of his bottoms, and
Atsushi lets out a little yelp. “When you were on top, something awakened
inside of you that I liked. You were still tender and kind, but there was
confidence in every movement you made, from the way you kissed to the way you
went in and out of me to the way you climaxed. You were a more self-assured
version of yourself.”
“I was?” My boyfriend’s eyes grow wide with surprise at the compliment.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.” I move a little closer to his ear to whisper. “You also were
incredibly hot when you came.”
Atsushi feels even warmer against my stomach, if that’s even possible. He pouts
and sighs, obviously a little exasperated, but then he says, “I love you,
Kazuo. Thank you for sharing your story and for working with me.”
The comment catches me off guard for a moment, and I’m once again surprised how
honest and caring Atsushi can be. However, my surprise fades into affection as
I pull him up, kiss him slowly on the lips, and respond to his confession with
my own once we separate. “I love you too, Atsushi. Thank you for being adorable
and for not running away.”
“I would never.” My partner’s thumb brushes against the scar on my neck once
more, and I savor in his touch as he closes his eyes and begins to breathe
peacefully. Soon his breathing is nothing more than a soft murmur, and his body
collapses on mine.
I grin and put my arms around him, almost as if I’m giving a stuffed animal a
hug. When I close my eyes, I feel one last press of lips against my skin before
I fall into dreams of love mending my emotional scars.
End Notes
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