Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/11387346. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage Category: M/M Fandom: おそ松さん_|_Osomatsu-san_(Anime) Relationship: Matsuno_Choromatsu/Matsuno_Osomatsu Character: Matsuno_Osomatsu, Matsuno_Choromatsu, Matsuno_Karamatsu, Matsuno Todomatsu, Matsuno_Ichimatsu, Matsuno_Jyushimatsu Additional Tags: Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Teacher_Choromatsu, Student_Osomatsu, Blond_Osomatsu, Drama_&_Romance, Karamatsu/Choromatsu/Ichimatsu_siblings, Osomatsu/Jyushimatsu/Todomatsu_siblings, No_Incest, Osomatsu_and Choromatsu_are_not_related, Top_Choromatsu, Bottom_Osomatsu, (Somehow_I feel_I_needed_to_clarify_their_positions_haha), Foreplay, Blow_Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal_Sex Series: Part 1 of Disclosing Stats: Published: 2017-07-03 Words: 31761 ****** UNRAVELING THE PAGES ****** by Alfariel Summary Choromatsu is a high school teacher, and little he knew how his life was going to change after this particular student he knew for a couple of years know confessed his feelings for him. And making a promise they started to grow some type of friendship. Notes I´ve been working on this for a while and it´s finally done. It´s a little bit long (According to word there are 76 pages pfft). I tried to do it in chapters but, I just kept writing and couldn´t divided it :S See the end of the work for more notes   The echo of my footsteps were blend in the noisy hallway, the students are going back home already, they scream and yell picking their things from the sits, making plans of where to go or what to do. And I can´t help but envy them, or at least I wish not to be so afraid to return home, if I can call that place like that actually. A twenty-six year old teacher shouldn`t be alone like this, I should had a place to return and rest. Sighs. — Matsuno-sensei. I turn myself to see one of the female teachers talking to me. — Shino-sensei, how are you? — She´s cute, a model of a teacher, with long hair tied up in a ponytail and glasses that gives her an intellectual and serious type of air, she is the male students´ idol. — Can we talk a little? Come. And also she´s like that, she asks you but never waits for your answer, she assumes you don´t have any issues following whatever request she has, although one couldn´t actually reject her, her firm and cold semblance makes one think twice to oppose her. That´s an attitude she had formed due to dealing with high school students, she needs to be stronger than them. Right now, I don´t have anything else to do so is not really a bother following her, I don´t have any plans but going home and feel sorry for myself. So she directed me to an empty classroom. — Matsuno-sensei, have you talked with Osomatsu-kun lately? He´s going to your classes, right? — Osomatsu? I´ve been talking with him normally, and yes, he´s assisting to my classes. — Hum! — Shino-san does this expression when she´s thinking about something she particularly doesn´t like: she twist her mouth and lift an eyebrow. — Did you know he was targeted last year by all the teachers but you? It seems he´s being absent to almost all his assignments and he only does a type of effort to pass the year, but they are saying that probably he´s not going to be able to graduate if Osomatsu-kun continues with the same attitude this, his last year, and we want to prevent that — with her finger, she points outside — we need him to become a normal student again, assist to his classes and keep his grades. I walk forward as she´s still pointing out. Outside was Osomatsu with a gang of seven guys, those are the rebels of the school. I´ve known him for some years now, he was my top student back in the days when he was a freshman, but he started to degenerate and turn into a really bad guy, I´ve tried to take him back to the good path, but he´s growing, and I´m feeling I have less power over him, less authority. Now, it´s the beginning of his year as a senior, and he´s in the worst state he had reached. First it was the piercings, he came to school with a new hole in his body every month, until he ended up with all his left ear filled of openings a couple in his right one and I could see two tiny marks in his eyebrow, God knows where else he has another one. After that, was the blond hair, I couldn’t believe he arrived to the new year with a hair completely bleached, but he wasn´t my student anymore, at least not as his tutor, I was his grammar teacher by then, and I only had the chance to see him a couple of times a week. And now, Shino-san is confirming what I´ve been hearing from his tutors; he is being absent a lot, and he´s dropping his grades drastically. I´m sure Shino is trying to figure out why he´s only assisting to my classes, and maybe he´s not my top student anymore, but, he doesn´t have bad grades either. I wish I know what´s happening to him, he´s really a smart guy, and he had this clever intelligence, he´s really capable and it saddens me to see he´s sinking without knowing why, every time I try to ask him, he laughs as always, and said that he´s not a child anymore, he can do whatever he wants with his body, which to a certain extent is correct, but he´s underage and someone needs to guide him. I wonder, what his parents thought about all of this, or if they are even aware how bad he´s ruining his life, I tried to meet with them but they never answered my messages, and it seems the other teaches were no luckier than me. — Can you talk to him? — Shino-sensei I already tried, he´s just evading everything I said. She sighed — can you try again? You must have some influence to him, otherwise he would be missing your classes too, right? By reflex I fix my glasses, following the tic whenever I need to think. — Ok. I´ll try again. — Thank you Matsuno-sensei, I knew that I could count on you. I had other teachers in charge of the seven students left, but I´m asking you personally because no one wanted to take Osomatsu, for some reason they evaded him. I can relate to that, If I didn´t know the guy I´ll probably run too, he tricks you until he had you in his hands, some way or another you ended up doing his will. But not me, I know that young man and he´s more transparent than what he thinks. — Don´t worry — I answer letting her know she can rely on me — I´ll take care of him. I returned to the teacher´s lounge after we part, remembering clearly how I grew fond of this boy, we have similar names, way too similar, and the same last name, he used to use that to mock me all the time. I´m sure students recognize when you are fresh meat for them to play, and they crack jokes at you when they see you´re unexperienced. It was my second year being a teacher, Osomatsu-kun was fourteen then and disrespectful towards me. Although I think that was what made him get attached to me; he was having fun. Sincerely speaking, I kind of miss that, he was opening up at me. He shared things and trusted me, something that no one had done before him. My first year was a mess and I didn´t get along with students, I´m always so uptight and strict that they thought I was a bad person, too grumpy and unapproachable. And then, I got his class next year, and he stuck to my heels all day, asking questions, even if he knew the answers. That helped me to relax a little, he made the class and me laugh. I chuckle. He was so small, I think now he´s about the same height as me, and he´s only seventeen. — Choromatsu-sensei… — I turned my head to the familiar voice. I don´t recall sitting and placing my things on my desk. — Matsuno-sensei — I corrected immediately, seeing him standing in the door frame of the teacher´s lounge, and trying not to show my happiness, I was just thinking about this boy and seeing him kind of warms my heart — Osomatsu-kun. — Ah!? — He frowns — you know I don´t like calling you like that, it´s like calling my father or something, why are you so picky about the way I call you? You´re not funny — he said grinning, he´s mocking me again.  — Whatever, what´s wrong? Weren´t you with a bunch of “not so good company” a moment ago? Is weird for you to come searching for me these days, you don´t want to talk to me anymore do you? Because you don´t want to cause an “incorrect impression” on them — ups, I think I said that a little bit more harsh, I intended to be just a little bit of teasing… right? He laughs — They´re my friends, even if I came here every day they won´t misunderstand anything. Are you missing me that much? — Osomatsu-kun… if I say “yes” would you dye your hair back to black? — Woah! Is that serious? — He changed his demeanor, something like a spark lighted in his eyes. — If I said “yes” would you… — Choromatsu-sensei! You´re mocking me again… not cute… — Osomatsu crossed his arms in front and lay against the frame. — “Matsuno-sensei” right? And I´m not cute, a grown man can´t be cute you know? — If you say so Choromatsu-sensei. You should stick to that, or I´ll start calling you Choro-chan again. — He´s pouting. And I´m angry — that was an awful year, making everyone forget that nick name was hard, and it was all your fault. — Thank you — he said as if it were a compliment. — Impossible to deal with you… — I lift my glasses to rub my eyes. God, I´m tired —. What are you doing there?  You always make your way whenever you go, by now you would be all over me or my poor table. — I was scolded the other day by Shino-sensei, she said that I should respect the rules, and not enter this place without permission. — It amaze me that you of all people listen to Shino-sensei, do you like her? — I like teasing him, there are really so few times when he gets all flustered. — Aaahhh!? — Like right now, he´s red as a strawberry — I don´t! But she´s nice and I don´t feel like upsetting her in vain… most of all I´m really scared of what would happened if I really get to angry her… I tittered — Come inside, sit next to me — I pull one of my coworker´s chair in front of me, right now the room is empty, I´m the only one here at this hours, lately I don´t want to return home so I stay here. With a triumphant smile he walks towards me. — So… — he started to play with some items on my desk after sitting, chest against the back of the sit. — Yes? — How are you? — He ran his fingers through his bleached hair. He seems nervous. But having him so close I noticed something — Are you wearing contact lenses? — Grabbing his face I look directly at his unnatural red eyes. — Yeah… they look great with the hair like this.  — Osomatsu-kun… — I´m genuinely sad seeing all his changes, and it pains me to see all his perforations. — Umm — he averted his eyes and remove my hands — I heard from one of the teachers… I mean! I was eavesdropping they didn´t share it to me… — You were grounded and listened to a teachers´ talk is that right? — Ah… yeah… — So, what is it? Biting his under lip he fidget a little on the chair — I heard you´ve divorced… I looked at him a little bit more resolving if I should just go ahead and be honest or just make a standard answer. But well, it is Osomatsu, I don´t have any type of antibody for his concerned puppy eyes. — Yes, that´s correct — I answered with an airy tone. — Mmh… are you ok? I mean, you´ve been married with her like…. Three years? A little bit less than that. — I am fine, sometimes it´s not meant to work you know? You are fine as a couple, but once you´re married everything changes.  — Why is it that it´s so easy for me to talk with him? He´s just a boy, I shouldn´t be sharing this type of things with someone as young as him. — I see… I´m sorry — he rests his arms crossed on top of the chair. He´s truly sad, I´ve never seen this sight in him. — Why are you the one apologizing? — I frown with a half-smile. — It wasn´t your fault. — Yeah… — he has his chin rested in his arms. Now his face is changing, and his eyes are… watering!? — Osomatsu-kun? — I got closer to him and when he lift his eyes to meet mines he´s really at the verge of crying — what happened? — Just, I´m sorry ok? — At the moment he blinked the droplets trapped in his eyes fell heavy and clear. — Ok… thanks for worrying. — I said patting his back. — Hey, Osomatsu-kun, can… can I ask you something? — Sure. — What… what happened? Why are you having all this changes? Are you having problems in your house? — Ok, here we go, I think this is as good chance as any other, and it´s better if I change the subject. — Um, not particularly, I mean, I think all adolescences had issues home one way or another right? — He wiped out the tears and answered me with a straight face. — What do your parents think about this… new look? — It´s not that new, I´ve been sticking to it for a couple of years now. — Osomatsu-kun, you know what I mean. — Neither of them are happy but… they are not that much in the house to actually complain, my mother blame it on the fact that they have really tight schedules and they couldn’t pay enough attention to me but… honestly It´s unfair if she´s blaming herself like that, that´s not the reason. She does what she can, and she´s always trying her best, and my father has done everything to give a stable life to my brothers and me… And yeah, don’t go thinking I don´t feel guilty but… if I base my life decisions in who I´m making feel bad, then it´s going to be everything but my own life right? Incredible, he seems too conscious of what he´s doing, this is not a phase, this is his research for his individuality… — Ok, I understand that, let´s set the appearance to the side by now, if you keep this attitude you´re not going to graduate, your grades are really bad, and you have a lot of absences. He sank in the chair. — Who told you? — What do you mean who told me? Your teachers had been giving me updates on your behavior, they said that you only answer to me, and I´m not sure if that´s true but, honoring what I think was a really good relationship when you were a freshman, I want to believe they are correct. — You can believe it, we did have a good relationship … — he´s smiling, but sadly. — I remember how weird was for me, we had the same last name and our names were similar, I thought you were a relative at first. — I thought it too, but yeah, we actually aren´t related, a little bit weird. — We let the silence took over the place — Osomatsu-kun… can you please try to get your grades high enough to graduate? And be on time every day? I´m worrying a lot about your future, can you do that for me? Osomatsu tilted his head pushing his cheek against his forearm; he was making a pout, I can see that. — If… If I graduate… with honors… can I ask you to do whatever I want? — What? What´s that supposed to mean? You can´t say that to a teacher. You should want to graduate for yourself, not because someone else is going to give you something. And, besides, what would you probably need from me? — I… — Osomatsu is blushing, somehow this is giving me a bad feeling — sensei… I want a kiss, from you… — Excuse me what!? — Did I hear correctly? This can´t be right — Osomatsu-kun you want what? — I want a kiss! — He stood up — the year started a week ago, it would be easy for me to get my scores up and graduate with honors, if I do that, would you let me kiss you? — You want to… kiss me? — I muttered completely shocked by this revelation. — Yes! Please… — he´s shaking. Is this a confession? — Osomatsu-kun… do you… — Like you? Yes I do, for a long time, it was like love at first sight or something, and I wanted to tell you this before, but I was afraid you could think of this as some type of fleeting love or the feelings of a boy… I´ve held to this feeling since the first day I met you, but then you got married, and a lot of things happened. So… can you… I know it´s weird, and I know you just passed through a divorce but… but… — he clenched his fist trying to contain his shaken body. He is serious… Wait… is it giving me too much credit if I think that all his changes were after… after he heard I was going to get married? I remember because everything happened at the same time, my marriage, his grades, his changes, his piercings, they were growing within the years after hearing from one of the girls that I was holding a wedding ceremony. What can I do? This is not correct, I mean, I can´t make that promise, I´m not going to lie to him like saying “yes” just because I want to see him graduate. — Choromatsu-sensei! — He was panicking and got closer to me, probably because I´m taking my time to think about this. Why I started to cry? … right, because — I can´t Osomatsu-kun, I can´t lie to you like that, even if I wanted to make you believe that I´m going to fulfill that promise only to see you graduating, I don´t want to lie… I´m sorry — I covered my eyes under the glasses with both hands. Silence. He laughed painfully — you, really… are something else, you could you know, just tell me a little lie and… I don´t know… — But that would mean that I will hurt you really bad in a near future, and you will be clinging to an empty promise. I don´t want that… — Thank you… that at least… thank you because you thought about it seriously. What am I supposed to say now, my tears won´t stop and he should be the one in pain. But when I dare to look outside my hands he´s smiling, wide and bright. — Choromatsu-sensei — he said — I´m going to graduate with honors, I promise, and I will not miss my classes… I´m not going to dye my hair to black, I really like it this way… but… maybe for the graduation ceremony… I don´t want you having one last image of me like that. — Osomatsu-kun… I´m sorry, I´m not that type of man, I wish I could be less strict and maybe, grant you your desire… but it goes against everything I believe. But I do like you, you are my best student at present, you were the first one that got closer to me. — Hey… Choro-sensei — he crouches in front of me — it´s ok, I was prepared for something like this happening, I know how difficult this situation is, and it´s not normal, really, I´m thankful that you´re still fine with me after confessing you this. — Osomatsu-kun, can you forgive me? — Can you forgive me? — You´re not doing anything wrong! — I shout — you´re just liking someone, a stupid someone like me. — Please, don´t call yourself stupid — he was cleaning the traces of my tears — I don´t like that. Ok, sensei, I´ll do my best. Please be proud of me — he simper at me with rosy cheeks. — Yes… — Ups, it´s getting late, I have to come back home. I´m sorry for leaving you like this. — It´s fine, as long as you´re going back home. — I am, I am, I need to pick my little brothers because we´re alone at home today so, I need to leave ASAP. Don´t worry ok? — He got up and waving he left the room. I should have said something else… He did all the talking, and I didn´t act like a grown up. Maybe, I can catch him up and, say something, encouraging him, or saying that, we´re ok? Maybe it took a couple of minutes from my side to get to this resolution, but I tried to follow Osomatsu-kun as fast as I can, I´ve seen it, I know which is his locker, maybe he´s grabbing his shoes right now. But when I arrived, he´s not there anymore, ok I have to hurry or he´s going to get away from my sight. I ran to the main gate, but a muffled scream froze me in place. I walk to the side of the building direction trying not to make noise. On the other side I found Osomatsu, covering his mouth with his hand, and with eyes wide open, as he cry aggressively clenching his chest whit his other hand. A chill went across my whole body. — I love you… I love you… — he repeats as he starts to punch the wall — I´m sorry sensei… for being weird…  I´m sorry for wishing your ex-wife wasn´t with you… I´m sorry, for being at least a little happy that you´re not with her… I´m sorry for thinking I could approach you… I love you… — his voice was breaking by the guttural cry leaving his mouth. Asphyxiating gasps contracted his thorax. Face and eyes impossible redder. I covered my mouth, suppressing a painful cry in my throat. That smile… was an act, he didn´t want to worry me, and he couldn´t even get that far from school. I´m letting a boy be stronger than me. I´m a shitty teacher. But there´s nothing I can do, if I got closer now, I will make this harder for him. He needs to get over me… this is his grief… I can´t. — That´s what the early apology was huh? Still hearing his cry and sorrow, I left the place slowly, holding my own tears that were falling copious and relentlessly. I returned to the teacher´s room, and waited for Osomatsu to go back home, and he did, almost an hour later… I saw him pass through the main gate running. — Osomatsu-kun. — I whispered. — Where you crying all this time? I spaced out, looking at the empty front yard for several minutes. It´s time to go back home. I packed my things and cleaned my desk. What should I do for dinner? Right now I should only concentrate in that. Remember Choromatsu, see what you have in front of you and solve one thing at a time. Dinner first. Then shower. Then sleep. Yup, that´s what I can do. Focus on the things you can do only. Even if Osomatsu-kun is crying… you gave your answer already, it´s not possible, I´m not gay… wait, is he gay? He should be right? Otherwise he wouldn´t said that he likes me that easily. — He likes me… — I stood in place outside the school a few steps away from the main gate — why? He has charisma, a nice personality, generally he´s called “idiot” from his classmates, but always as a type of joke, they like him, and even though he´s a delinquent right now he has some fans. Why me? And he was crying so hard, like he had just lost something so precious… I´ve never felt that way, I´ve never been someone special to anyone. And it´s sad when you´ve been married already.   I drove to the supermarket that´s on my way back. I decided to buy something already prepared, I´m not really in the mood to cook. Maybe a lunch box, or some instant noodles. Yeah, something spicy to punish myself for the unforgivable sin of hurting one of my students. I pick up one of those cup noodles that are really on everyone´s mouth, I think these are too spicy or something. I´ll judge that. When I turned around I almost fell down, but I actually did hit something soft, and that something started to cry. — Oh my God! I´m sorry! — I´ve just kick a toddler. — Holly fuck! Todo! I know that voice. Turning around the shelf with a basket in his hand and the uniform still on, Osomatsu appeared with a concerned face. Why? Why is he here? I want to run. — Onii-chan! — The kid standing from the floor ran to grab Osomatsu´s leg. — Are you ok? What happened? — He kicked me! Gasp — It wasn´t on purpose… — I defend myself. But I think Osomatsu is not listening anymore, he is in shock. — Choromatsu-sensei… — he whispered and I see how he regained his stance instantly, smiling widely — what are you doing here? — He rubs the little boy´s back shushing lovely — there Totty, don´t go lying like that. The little boy gasped, like he was caught in something. — What happened? — A boy, probably around eleven appeared. — Totty fell, can you take him? I found a teacher of my school and I´d like to chat with him a little bit. — Sure! — The boy took the toddler´s hand and walk away. — Jyushi, go with him and see what you want as dessert, how about that? — Yes Nii-san, thanks! Once the boys left Osomatsu directed his sight to me. — So, what are you doing here? — He asked still smiling. But his eyes are tired, swollen and slightly red. This is cruel right? — I´m here to buy food — I answer covering my basket. — Really? You´re taking instant noodles… and you have a bunch of other things there… that´s not food. I´m not even sure when I started to place so many things in my basket, I was so engulfed in my thoughts and my self-pity that I was unaware of the world around me. For God´s sake, I don´t even need a razor.  — I-I don´t know what happened — my face is getting hot, probably my cheeks had gone crazy red — I, I´m sorry, I´ll leave right away. — Ah? Why? — This is awkward for you, am I right? — Choro-sensei you just turned me down, it´s fine, you´re still my teacher, and I still like you so… it´s better on my side if I can run into you casually like this. My face heated even further in a second — Wha…? How are you saying those things in my face? — With my mouth? — No! I mean, aren´t you embarrassed? — Not really, I´ve already confessed so, everything else is quite easier. I like this new feeling, like, I can flirt and you finally know the game I´m playing. It´s nice — Osomatsu rubbed the underside of his nose with his index, he really seems happy. — But you were cry… mh! — I covered my mouth immediately. — Oh man… did you see that? How uncool of my side… — he scratched his nape a little shy — I´m sorry, I kind of needed it. You know, dealing with rejection and stuff. — Osomatsu-kun, do you know what shame is!? — I couldn’t believe this guy, nothing seemed to affect him. He laughed — not really, my mother says that I´m not familiarized with “shame” and “pride” — he laughed more. There was a silence after that. A silence that he broke — um… sensei… if you´re eating that, would you like to eat in our house? It´s my turn today to make dinner and… I will be so happy if you tasted my cooking. — Osomatsu-kun, that´s not correct, one; you can´t invite people like that without consulting your parents, and second; you think is really a good idea for me to be near you? — Yeah… to both, even if you rejected me, that doesn´t mean that I´m stopping liking you right? And, my parents are not going to be in the house for the next two days, remember that I told you? They went on a business trip. — Do you think…? — Ow c´mon Choro-chan, don´t be like that, think it this way: you can´t hurt me more, but you can make me happy if you agreed to this, I´m not raising any hopes because they are already at the very top, bottom! I mean… believe me, so… would you mind giving this stupid student of yours a glimpse of happiness? — Osomatsu is looking at me that way he always do, when he´s trying to play mind games with me. I always see right through his tricks. But, I´m even guiltier because knowing what he´s scheming I grant anything he wants every time. And thinking it twice, I really want to avoid my house as much as possible.  — I´ll go if you don’t call me ever in your life “Choro-chan” again. — Really!? — His bright childlike shiny eyes are cute. I put the cup noodle back to the shelves, along with most of what I had grabbed — yes. Let´s go. I´m a bad person right? Trying to comfort myself in a child that´s in love with me, just to not feel lonely anymore. And even if I´m playing difficult, I really want to go with Osomatsu-kun. I really wish that this is not hurting him more. We search for the kids and they were picking up three portions of pudding. — Can we take these? — asked the older of the two. — Sure, but, bring another one, sensei is eating with us too — Osomatsu while placing the food in the basked he turned to me. — Do you like pudding? — I´m not too fond of sweet things but, I can eat once in a while. — Good! — Is the child-abuser coming? — I froze in amusement, what did this little guy said? That´s not normal for a child that small, and wearing pink on top of all, a bizarre situation had just happened. — Jyushimatsu! — says Osomatsu with an angry face — were the two of you seeing those police programs? — Certainly! — The middle one said, shaking his head furiously. Pick one, is a yes or a no? — Please, Choromatsu-sensei, don´t pay attention to these two — he placed a hand on his forehead. It´s a nice view seeing him act like an older brother. — It wasn´t Jyushi-nii, it was the program of ladies that Oso-nii was watching, they said that the father of her child was… mph! Osomatsu ran over the little one, and covered his whole face with the hand, red as a tomato and with a concerned expression. — Sshhhh! — Thank you for your hard work! — The boy named Jyushimatsu bow to me with a wide smile. — Huh? — Don´t listen to him, he´s a strange kid. And would you two just shut up, you´re gonna get me in trouble — Osomatsu said misprizing his brother´s “effort”. — C´mon guys, let´s pay this. Outside the supermarket they walk in a row, the little one was in the middle grabbing Osomatsu´s hand tightly. But they were going probably at their house direction. — I have a car. — I said, not loud enough, but they hear me anyways. — Are we going in car? — Asked Todomatsu. — Yes, if it´s ok for you. — I like this person. — Todomatsu ran and grabbed himself to my trouser. — I´m sorry, with Todomatsu is always like that, one second he loves you and hates you the other. — It´s ok Osomatsu-kun. I guided them to my car. We accommodate Jyushimatsu and Todomatsu in the back sit and Osomatsu sat next to me, he was ready to give me directions. After a while, we arrived to a nice two floor house. We get the groceries and entered the house. Osomatsu along with Jyushimatsu started to make dinner, Todomatsu ran upstairs, apparently to change clothes. They made me wait on the living room, with the TV on and a cup of tea. I offered myself to help but they refuse. When everything was settled in the table and I was called to sit there, I noticed Osomatsu looking at me. — What is it? — I was just wondering, if you particularly like a side dish. — Well, I can eat almost everything, but I really like vegetables. He smiled amply — I have squash, eggplant and white radish. Is it ok if I sauté them? — Ah, sure, but you don´t have to, the food is almost… — It´ll be done in a minute, just leave it to me. And it wasn´t exactly a minute, but, he prepared a really delicious fast dish with those three vegetables. So, finally the table was ready, and we all were ready to eat. We spent a really good time, it´s been so long since the last time I enjoyed a meal like this, and it´s from when I was still back at home with my parents and brothers. I don´t know if is self-torture but when I´m so calm and happy, I can´t help but remember how things were with my ex-wife. If I had to choose a word, it would be “dry”. She is the type of person that´s not going to go the extra mile to please someone, unlike me. And apparently, unlike Osomatsu too. The clock moved fast, it was the best night I´ve spent in a while, but it was time for me to leave. Osomatsu accompany me to the front door. — Thank you for coming today — he said, with his hands in the pockets of his pants. — Thank you for inviting me. It was fun. — Well, you could have fun every day if you decide to date me you know? — He grinned. — Osomatsu-kun, please don´t joke with that, you know I won´t. — I know — he said sadly, but then, he pulled out a cigarette. — What are you doing? — I was perplexed. — What? I need to… — No you don´t! — I took the item from his mouth and crush it in my hand — Osomatsu-kun! Despite what you feel for me I´m still your teacher, and I can´t and won´t allow an attitude like this. If I see you smoking again, I´m going to expel you from the school. You hear? He stood dumbfounded, and he answered with a soft — Yeah… — was it my imagination or the corners of his lips were curling up and his cheeks were sprinkled with a red hue? — Remember your promise, I hope to see you tomorrow and the rest of year, and I hope, I really hope seeing you graduate with honors as you said. Right!? — I was angry, this time, I don´t care, I´m going to take full responsibility for him, I will track him down and find the way to make him good again. — See you tomorrow. — Sensei — he whispered and I turned to him — here… — he gave me the pack of cigarettes — I don´t need this… — Ah… ok, good — I took them and crush them on my hand — I´ll dispose them later. Thank you. — No, thank you, for everything, Choromatsu-sensei. He´s smiling at me heartedly. And I´m still here, thinking what he probably could like of me, he´s handsome, and nice. He should find a good girl… or boy if that´s his inclination. Not someone so older than him, and so angry all the time, a bright and cheerful person like him should find someone similar, a person that can match his pace. I drove back to my house, and all I can think about is the hard time Osomatsu is having, and I keep going around on what else I could do for him, without making his hopes up. I don´t want to believe that thing about him being as high as he can, that´s not fine, one of this days I´m going to hurt him without me noticing it, and I don´t want that. I arrived home, place my belongings on the coffee table in the center of my apartment, it´s a little bit late so I think I´m going to bed early after taking a bath. But really, what´s wrong with that boy, he´s so straight forward, he has no shame, and yes, he has zero pride, he repeats to me he likes me and do everything to make me know how much. Normally one would feel insecure right? Feeling at mercy of the other side. Even if I know him for the past three years, he´s still a mystery for me. — A kiss huh? — I said leaving the bath tub and changing into my pajamas — I don´t think it would be his first one right? — I covered my mouth blushing — Choromatsu what are you thinking, don´t be stupid, a healthy seventeen year old boy probably had done more than just a kiss, and you don´t need to think about that. Why am I thinking about him like an innocent being? He´s not innocent and he will never be, he´s rude, inappropriate, lustful, I´ve seen him looking at the girls in gymnastics. — Wait, does that mean that he´s not actually gay? — Then why? I warp myself in the covers, and before I could remember, I fell asleep. The next morning I arrived early at school, as always I´m the first one. When I placed my things in my desk I heard steps behind me. — Good morning Choromatsu-sensei — I turned my head to encounter Osomatsu. — Wow, this is early, good job! — Thank you, praise me more — he smiled. — Start raising your grades and I´ll praise you as much as you want. — Really!? Awesome, piece of cake. — Let´s see. He made some type of routine, coming after school to chat a little with me,  and going really early in the morning in some type of show, making me notice he´s been going to school every day. But it´s a good atmosphere around him, and I like his company.   But things doesn´t necessarily go as we hope and there will always be bumps in the roads, although that time, a month and a half after Osomatsu made the promise, his path encountered a hill that he needed to overcome, and I was dragged with him. It was seven in the afternoon, I had returned home already, making a quick meal not too complicated, still I was a little bit proud of myself, getting in the kitchen again was a type of achievement, that means I´m having energy enough and the desire to actually please me even if it´s just a little. The clatter of the knife clashing against the cutting board along with the frying pan sizzling with oil were the sounds that filled the apartment, and this sounds were broke by the familiar tone of my cellphone. Turning the stove off I picked it up from the kitchen bar where I left it to charge. It was an unknown number. I normally don´t pick this type of calls, everyone that needed to be acknowledged by me are in my contact list, however I had this little voice talking in my back, advising me to answer. — Hello? — I said placing the gadget in my ear. A breathy laugh was my answer. — If this is a joke I´m going to hung… — Sensei… — it was a throaty male voice, apparently he had difficulties to talk. — Wait… O… Osomatsu-kun? — Mmhmm… — How did you get my number? He blew a laugh — Secret~, I´m, gonna get my ass scolded if, I share that information. National private data. — No, no, don’t give me that answer, Osoma… — Ugh!— He started to cough laboriously. — Hey, what´s wrong? — Mmh? I, dun´ wanna go home… can you pick me up? — What´s that supposed to mean? Aren´t you at your home? It´s past seven — I was having a shot of mixed feelings, I was dead worried for him and I was angry. — I´m… I´m injured, I think someone stabbed me because I´m bleeding and hurts. — What!? — How could he said that chuckling? — Where are you? I´m coming right away. Taking my car keys I left the apartment, never cutting communication with him, I had him at the phone while I was driving, I told him several times to call an ambulance as I didn´t know exactly where he was, I was being directed little by little, but he refused. The last indication was “did you see a park? I´m there” which actually was more a plaza than a park but, whatever. — Choromatsu-sensei — he called me, once I parked my car and start to search for him. Osomatsu was holding himself at his waist level. — Osomatsu-kun! — I yell alarmed. His arm and face were dripping blood, and he was hurt all over the body, his clothes were grubby — what happened? Did someone mugged you? — No, I was fighting.  — Fighting!? Who you were fighting with? — Long story, can I go to your place, I don´t want to go home. — Are you crazy? We need to take you to a hospital. — Its nothing severe, I already checked, It´s just bleeding a lot. I was not going to listen to whatever his original plans were, probably he had been here thinking thoroughly about what to tell me and how to convince me to follow his idea. But no, he´s injured and I need to know if this is more serious than what he´s letting me know. Placing my arm around his back I started to walk pulling him with me. — Whoa I always imagined walking with you like this but my imagination doesn´t compare to reality — he keeps this comical attitude, like I was blind to his wounds and his torn uniform. — I´m taking you to a clinic. So please be quiet. — Eh? No, please, sensei, I called you because I don´t want to worry my mother anymore, they´re going to contact her, I´m still underage — as if I don´t know — If I came back home like this she´s going to cry again, and I don´t… — Then is it ok to worry me!? — I stopped and stood up in front of him — and also, if you don´t want to see your mother worrying about you then stop, this is just hypocrite on your side, telling me she cries and you still doing it is a huge display of double standards.   — It´s not… — he was going to retaliate, instead he clenched his eyes and lowered his head. — Ok, I´m sorry, you´re right… Please, please, be on my side this time, only this time, it would be the last one, I promise. Don´t call my parents, I´ll buy a new uniform and, I´ll tell her that I´m staying with a friend… can you please? How many times have I repeat to myself that is not right what I´m doing with him, but I just can´t stop, I´m feeling that if I just quit right now all the effort is going to waste and I´m going to let him sink in that dark world he´s getting deeper and deeper. I have never been so many times in the position to choose “doing good things even if they look bad”, and even less than that, agreeing advisedly of the consequences, especially for the repercussion in his heart. — I´m taking you to the clinic, but we´re saying the same story: the truth. I´m your tutor and we´re calling your parents after they check you, tomorrow morning I´ll take you to buy a new uniform and you can call your parents from my apartment tonight. — I said, almost without breath breaks. And the face he gave me was one of incredulity. — What? — I’m… staying at your place then? — He mumbled. — Of course you are! You even asked me. — Um yeah, I thought that as a joke, I was thinking… like, sleeping on a park or such. — Then why did you call me!? Makes no sense — I know that making me angry is not something hard, it´s rather easy actually, but I could give Osomatsu a trophy of how quickly he makes me reach my boiling point.  With a shaking hand he reached for my sleeve. — I was scared… — one tear on each eye rolled down his face. Yes, I can also give him another trophy, for the person who makes me calm down in record time after upset me. — Then it was a good thing you did it — he was about to smile, I know how the corners of his mouth start to curl up. And I´m destroying that right now, obviously, not in a mean way— although I´m going to ask until you give in, how in heaven you got my number. His expression changed, he was in shock now. — Amm… I… — Not now idiot, we´re taking you to the clinic, c´mon. — Yes…? And so we did, Osomatsu was right the wounds he had weren´t that serious, the only one alarming enough, was the one he had on his ear, one of his earrings were pulled cutting through, but he didn´t even need stitches, a few bandages and patches and he was ready to go. We verify to the girl in the reception that we were teacher and student and I could take him with me, well actually I demonstrate that I was a teacher in his school so everything else was the power of deduction. I was actually nervous, taking him to my home was something I shouldn´t be doing, but here I am, driving with him sat on my side. Without telling him anything but “wait here” I make a quick stop in a near convenience store. I want to see his face the moment he realizes he´s about to taste my cooking this time. Back at home I only had ingredients for one person so, I´m taking some extra things with me to make that diner a little bit bigger. In our way back to my place Osomatsu agreed that he was not going to fight anymore, and making a “solemn promise” as he called it, this was going to be the last time something like this happened. We were in front of my apartment door, and it was kind of cute the way he was making little jumps, he was so excited to be here. Intentionally I extended my arm when the door was open advising him like this that he can go in. Exploring every detail with each step he takes inside the place the happiness he was feeling showed right out of his face even if I know there´s really not much to see, this place is now half empty, when my ex-wife took most of the things with her I didn´t have the spirit to redecorate nor the wish, still, he looks pleased being here. Incredibly careful he put his things in the coffee table taking sit on the couch. — Just wait a while, I´m making diner. — I said moving quickly to prevent him do any questions about my undecorated place. — You are? — How he manages to look like an abandoned puppy that has been giving the best treat in his life every time I concede and either treat him kindly or do something for him? — Yes boy, I´m not the best cook but I can tell my food it´s not that bad. Walking towards me and around the bar he took a peek at the groceries I´ve brought. — I´m pretty sure it´s going to be the best meal I´ve ever had — he said immutable. — You are a sweet talker aren´t you? — I turn on the stove again, and I prepared to continue as I was actually smiling at him. Rubbing the underside of his nose with his index his answer was a wide smile with lightly blushed cheeks.  — The phone is over there, you better call your parents now, meanwhile I´m finishing the diner, ok? — Yes Choromatsu-sensei. This was one of the firs times, even from afar, that I´m able to see a display of concern from Osomatsu´s parents, he was at the phone for over twenty minutes, he went and explained the situation in the first two, and then he was limited to answer things like “yes” “no” “I´m fine, I swear” the rest of the call. — Mom, I´m ok, we´re getting diner right now… what do you mean I didn´t tell you which friend? You don´t know them all so… I´m not avoiding the question… I´m not answering badly either, I´m just hungry and I want to go over there and eat… Talk to him? Why? Why would you want to talk to him? It´s the first time you´re asking… no mom, c´mon we´re not doing anything incorrect, just spending the night here… I know it´s a week day, we´re going to school tomorrow, I promise… a guarantee? Look, there´s this teacher that´s over me all the time, I told you about him, so, If I´m absent from school he will make a ruckus, that´s my guarantee… yes I will be careful. Thank you. — So, I´m a teacher that´s over you all the time huh? — I know the image I´m giving right now is something he will be making jokes in the near future, but I´ve just overheard him and I´m angry. With the spoon on my hand, apron and arms crossed I was firmly stand on the kitchen´s frame door. — What? Why are you angry? You are over me all the time, for everything. — Oh, of course, it didn´t cross your mind that I´m just worried? So my efforts are just some type of annoying pest for you, is that right? — No… hey! No! why are you saying those things? Aren´t you over me all the time? Really? That´s compliment — Osomatsu was tightly grabbed from the couch´s arm looking at me as if the was on the end of a rope hanging from a cliff. — Dinner´s ready lazybones move from the couch and join me in the table — my frown was not less severe, and I wasn´t less angry, but, I can spare him this time, he had had a rough time today. — Yes! — He jumped off the couch “waving his tail” — why are you giggling? — Nothing — I said clenching my mouth containing the laugh. I served the diner and instructed Osomatsu to accompany me in the small table. Again, this is not a complicated dish nor something too fancy, and I was hyper aware of all the mistakes that this dishes had; the way the vegetables are chopped and how thin the soup came out. But I´m not a great or constant cooker and I´m just starting, I´m more than sure I can learn how to do this better. Despite my thoughts and insecurities, Osomatsu was contemplating the food as if it were the 8th wonder. We thank for the meal and he dug in immediately. My spoon hanging a few centimeters from my mouth waiting for his reaction. — How… How is it? — I dare to ask after he took another two or three portions. — It´s great! So tasty I love it. I can´t help to blush, still not believing but encouraged by his words I take my fist bite. He was lying, the taste was plain and the vegetables were overly cooked. — I´m sorry this doesn´t taste like your food, I´m not good at cooking — I answered discouraged. — What are you talking about Choromatsu-sense? It´s tasty. It´s no good to compare, you once said that you don´t cook, so if this is one of your first times, then it is tasty. Oh… Based on my own skill huh? So this is good for someone unexperienced as me, that´s actually a good point of view, and I smiled —. Thank you. — Aha… — Osomatsu answered with blush in his cheeks, eating like there were no tomorrow. We continue our diner, I´m not the talkative type, but he is, and he filled the typical silence of this damned place with laughs and jokes, he told me about everything, and the ideas were crowing in his mouth as he couldn´t keep the pace with his mind. Like this we did the dishes and show him the bathroom after giving him a t-shirt and a pair of old sweatpants for him to use them as a pajama. It was really a good thing our body types and height are so similar. I let him go first for obvious reasons. And we are not bathing together for more obvious reasons. The thing is: it´s been forty minutes and he is still inside. — Osomatsu-kun, are you ok? — I knocked just to check. — Oh, yeah! — He answered immediately — I´m just having difficulties with the bandages and my ear patch, so I decided to clean myself using a wet towel. — You´re right, I´m sorry I should have helped you. — It´s fine really, I´m almost done I just took a little extra time — he then opened the door I was pressed against. — Ah! — We startle when we face each other. — Sorry — I said. — It´s fine — he answered shaking his head. — Are you going in? — Yes. — Also I cleaned it, because there were blood everywhere and… I can help you with laundry because I think I stained some of your towels. — Don´t worry about that, I´ll put them in the wash machine now, you go and rest. Moving from the door and drying his hair with a towel he turned to me — Choro- sensei is it ok if I borrow your kitchen to prepare some tea? — Sure, of course — I paused then unsure of what I was going to ask, it´s so difficult for me to rely on people, but at the end I asked without reservation — can you make some coffee too? I have some things to check and I want to stay awake. His face lit smiling widely — I´d love to! How you like it? I mumble a little bit, it took a while for me to remember consciously, as it´s me the one who always prepares it and I had never asked before — with a touch of milk and cream, also two small spoons of sugar. — At your orders sir! Fifteen minutes later I was feeling refreshed after the bath, when I opened the door the delectable coffee smell lingered in the air hitting my nose pleasantly. In the living room Osomatsu was on the couch with his feet in it reading a book with a text mark in hand. Two coffee mugs on the small table in front of him. I got closer assuming the coffee will be cold by now, probably, but no, it was hot and steamy. Osomatsu looked up from his book with a smug smile. He knew what I was thinking, although his smile faded away a second after and he buried himself behind the pages of his book. — What´s wrong? — I asked intrigued enough to pursue this. — N… nothing really, ´s just, the first time I´m seeing you in casual clothes, without glasses and your hair down and messy like that. I yelled an exclamation probably louder than it deserved, but I was more confused than offended. Do I really look good in this boy´s eyes? — Sorry, sorry! — The tip of his fingers were turning white due the force he was applying to the book. I sighed — thank you for the coffee. No answer, Osomatsu peeking up with one eye he waited for me to taste it, but for the restiveness of his sight probably I was wrong. — Do you want to know why this coffee is still hot and warm? — There it is, that´s what he wanted me to ask, and I was going to do it actually, but I forgot. So I sat in front of him with mug in hand — yes. — I was stalking — his sassiness is beyond belief, shaking his knees as if he was playing, an undertow of pride for himself was on the way he spoke and moved. — Stalking? — I asked, frowning already, upset by nature. — When you close the shower faucet I ran to prepare the coffee and placed it there as if it had hours. I huffed a laugh amazed of how innocent that had become — You´re a child — He obviously pouted. Finally able to sip my coffee I got impressed straight away with how good it was. — How is it? — He asked fidgeting. — Amazing — I answered honestly. — Yes! I knew it, I put an extra ingredient. — Oh you did? What did you put in here? — Loooooove~ Rubbing my templates by habit I retaliate — it was obvious, I hate myself for giving you an opening so easy. I´m not sure anymore how I always forgot the type of guy you are. — Smiling he continued with his study. And so did I until my wall clock sang the telltale song of midnight time after some hours. — Osomatsu-kun, you should go to sleep — I pointed out. — Oh, ok, where am I sleeping? — In my bedroom. With a soft sound from his closed lips he sat on the coffee table — are we sleeping together? — Eh!? No! Put down your butt of my table, and don´t be an idiot how we could sleep together? That´s insane! — I was more flustered than what I supposed to and overreacting a lot. — Why? We´re both men. — And that fact exactly didn´t matter to you to fall in love with me, so how do you think I can consider a thought like that? — Ow, c´mon, it´s just sleeping, once I close my eyes I´ll be lost to the world, I´m a heavy sleeper — he kneeled on the other side of the rug supporting his elbows in the table. — Really, no. — Why? — Because it´s wrong. — No, we´re not doing anything. — We are. — Nope. — Osomatsu-kun stop. — Why? — No reason! Just No. — Liar. — No. — Why then? — Because! If we both sleep in that same bed together one of us is going to sleep on my ex-wife´s side and that spot is intact since she left! — My chest was weaving unevenly, I yelled, at the end, I ended up sharing what I didn´t wanted to. — … Sorry. — He said lowering his sight. — No I am sorry, I shouldn´t yell like that. — I´ll go to sleep, can I know where´s your ex-wife´s spot? — Sure — I made Osomatsu follow me and we entered the room, one side of the bed was done, but the other was where I sleep, it has the covers up: that´s what I do, I slip in cover myself and the next day just fold the covers to the side. — Is that side, please don´t… Everything happened in a second, and before I could recall what was going on, Osomatsu lifted the covers on the tidy side and started revolting like a dog under them. — Osomatsu! — What!? — He sat up bending the covers under his arms. — I just told you! — You know what? I´m sorry, but you’re not doing yourself any good doing this type of things, do you really think I didn´t notice? The woman’s stuff left over the place, in the bathroom, or around the house? You still keep them as if she will return a day, and I´m asking you, do you really believe that or want her back? I delved in his question just for a short time, because the answer to both was “no”, so I said it. — No, I really don´t want her back, and she is not returning either. He flopped on the bed — Thank God! If you answered “yes” to the second one I was going to be so sad. But you didn´t so it´s good. I don´t think I understand Osomatsu that well, he´s straight forward but shy, brave but insecure, he is kind and also a delinquent. I couldn´t do anything else but laugh at his constant oppositions. — What? Are you not angry? — Something kin of fear and happiness was covering his face. — I´m actually not. And you know what, I think it´s time to sleep. I move quickly and went to turn off any light or gadget in the house and return to the room as soon as possible. — And you´re sleeping here — he points out when I sat next to him on the bed. — Yes, don´t try anything funny, unlike you my sleep is light as a feather, I will know. — Are you joking? You´re trusting me, how could I? — It´s good to know there´s some type of sense in that empty head of yours. — Good night sensei. — Good night Osomatsu. This boy, if he wasn´t in love with me, he could be a great friend, I really wish to have him like this here lighting up this dark hole forever.   The morning light was hitting directly on my face, it was impossible for me to keep sleeping. My eyes snapped open. — Morning light? What time is it? — looking at the clock it was seven fifteen am. Almost two hours later of my usual wake up time — my alarm went off? I need to… — Something was being cooked, for a moment my mind took me back to the days I was married, but that’s another lie I´m constructing, she never cooked, only the weekends if she didn´t have work to do. Unsure of what was going on I approached the kitchen to find Osomatsu with the coffee maker ready and a couple of dishes on the table. — Good morning — he shines brightly for some reason. I actually forgot he was here. — Good morning, did you turn my alarm off? — Yeah, don´t get angry, you looked tired and I thought of make the breakfast while letting you sleep a little longer, I was actually about to call you Choromatsu-sensei. — Really? Thank you then — I softened my demeanor, we are actually not late, and I really did sleep well today, I just tend to wake up early because I always convince myself I have a lot of things pending. And I need those extra hours to waste and be able to do my real job. — Also, you left your glasses in the bathroom yesterday so I brought them, they are on the bar. I let my cellphone charge on the plug next to the window, I hope is not an inconvenience. And also the food, I found eggs, rice and vegetables, is it ok if I used them? I thought you had to eat anyways — He was finishing serving the dishes. — Yes it´s fine, on the contrary I´m grateful you did all this — after putting my glasses I walk at his phone´s direction, I was wishing he didn´t notice. — Can you please serve me some coffee? — I asked trying to get him distracted. — Yes! Yes! Of course! I know already how you like it — it almost pained me to see him so happy with my request because of what I´m doing. I took his phone and with a move of my finger over the screen it opens freely. So he is the type of people who doesn´t put a security code to access; how risky. With things like this, people such as myself can search through his contact list and, in my case, erase the number. I was searching for the normal: Choro-sensei, Matsuno Choro, Choromatsu, Choromatsu-sensei, or even, why not? Choro-chan. But none of those were on his phone, is it that he really doesn´t have my number? Oh, of course, he called me yesterday from a number, probably is this one, so If I dial back. My phone was left haphazardly on the coffee table, so I grab it and search for yesterday´s call. — Ok, here it… what are you doing? — The panic on his voice just riled me up to complete my task. — Erasing my number but I can´t find it — I answered blatantly not caring about what he could say. — No! Wait! I´ll erase it but… — his voice is cut by his ring tone: a guitar song followed by a girls voice, the song seems nice, cute, kind of romantic, but in the screen reads “Sweet butt cheeks” — Wha…? — The words get trapped in my throat. — In my defense you reallyhave a good ass? It´s wrong to kill an underage student… it´s wrong to kill a student… it´s wrong to kill… it´s wrong to kill. — Choro-sensei? — And that´s your defense!? — I was infuriated, my blood was boiling and I can even feel the pressure on my neck´s veins. — Sometimes I reallywonder if there is a functional neuron in that empty head of yours! — I grabbed the nearest cushion and he guarded himself with another when I start to hit him — how am I going to do my classes now? Huh!? Knowing you´re looking what you shouldn´t. — But you show it there! Like in front of me, how am I suppose not to look? — No shame on his voice, he´s even laughing, and I´m enraged.  — The food is going to get cold! — Osomatsu yells behind the shower of hits — you want food to go to waste? I froze. His accuracy in words piss me of so much, he knows what to say in which exactly moment. I stop and so did his laughing. Panting and vexed I realize he´s right, the food is there and if I didn´t take too much time on this scuffle we still can eat a warm breakfast. I finish what I was doing originally and erase the number on the contact list as his downcast expression takes over his whole face, and so I entered again my number writing down properly “Matsuno Choromatsu”. — I´m going to check this phone whenever pleases me, so If you have change this name for any of your dumb nick names I´m going to change my number and I promise you, I will not let any soul near the school know about it so you can´t have it — finishing I gave it back to him. — You hear? — Thank you… — he said grabbing the phone in his hands with an even ingenuous relief smile, like I really was going to take away something precious. I´m not even sure why I´m blushing, it´s like seeing a really cute little boy recovering the only toy that gives him comfort. But still, seeing this tug acting so spoiled and needy makes some weird nerves ache, and I want to protect that face, those honest feelings, although I know I can´t do it without crushing them first, and I´m afraid this candid emotions of his do not survive what he needs to go through to get over this stupid love of his.   ===============================================================================     About two weeks after summer vacation started, I was on a cafeteria, it´s been a while since I enjoyed time for myself, so I grab my favorite book, and started it again, last time I read it was almost a year ago and I don´t remember much of the things that had happened, but it´s fine, I like the feeling when you´re reopening the character´s life and rediscovering the path you have walked already but you forgot. Sipping my latte and listening to the sweet background music I was getting relaxed, the window to my side gave me an incredible view of the streets. I don´t actually know why but, I don´t feel that depressed now, I can manage my life and even reconsidering changing the decoration of my apartment, or better say, start searching for decoration.   My cellphone vibrates in my pocket. Grabbing it I see that I have a message from Osomatsu-kun. This is other of the things that had changed since that time he went to my place, sometimes, he calls me, or other times like this one, he just messages me. He haven´t contacted me in this past weeks, which is weird because normally I have at least a daily message. “Leaving cram school. Are you free rn?” It´s what reads. — Cram school? — I mutter to myself — I didn´t even know he was assisting to one. “You didn´t fail any exams, what cram school? / And yes, in some way I´m free right now” — I answer. “´s just to reinforce all the classes I missed, ´s out of school tho.” “And cool, do u mind accompany me to a place?” — Sounds suspicions. “What place?” I wonder if he´s feeling I´m pushing him away as he took a couple of minutes to answer. “… A cafeteria…?” He says finally. “Jokes on you, I´m already in a cafeteria” “U r? Which one?” I consider this deeply before answer. I was enjoying this time by myself, but I also have this feeling, as If I miss his idiotic presence. Finally I send my location concluding that it will be faster this way than start the back and forth game he always does. At the end I didn´t receive a confirmation from him, and I´m just here waiting, until I saw his familiar profile entering the place. And for God´s sake, he´s wearing normal clothes and a newsboy hat. He sees me and approaches with a smile. I was looking at him, the sides of his head shows shaved black hair. — Did you dye back? — It was the first thing I asked, unable to contain the question. — Eh? Ah, nope — he removes the hat showing his blond hair tide up in a small pony tail. — Regardless the fact that this place is not that strict and they don´t require for me to go with a uniform, I thought it would be best if I don´t show my blond hair there. — But you have the piercings, all of them, even the one in your eyebrow. He scoffs — I put them as soon as I left. I was inspecting him directly, sincerely this is the first time I´m looking at his style, he doesn´t look that bad as to be called a delinquent, but he doesn´t look approachable either. — Mmmmh. Sit. How´s your ear? — Luckily I was in a two sits table, so he took the place in front of me. He calls the waiter and ask for a mocha and cake, and I just ordered a tea. — It´s cool, I doesn´t hurt anymore, but I´m not going to be able to use any earring there. — Well, it´s good that is actually better — Putting the book on a side I lace my hands on top of the table — What do you want to talk about? He´s staring — you look nice today — he says warmly. — Osomatsu — I huff. — … you look nice like that, like a normal person. — It wasn´t a compliment, most an indirect. But he grins and it´s fine. — Choromatsu – sensei, do you think I can enter a university? — Eh? — I know, I´m not in the course for the ones that are studding a career, but, if I work hard enough, can I change that? I was thinking last week, this effort I´m doing, is going to go to waste if I don´t take it further, and I wish to make something else of my life. We´ve just ended the first term, it´s not even half of the scholar year. Can you… help me? If I need to recover any type of classes or I need to prove something I will… that said. If I need to make up for the time I lost… would you help me with that too? It seems he´s really serious here. He have thought of this and this was his resolution, and of course, having me as the only teacher that has been tracking him it´s just normal he comes to me. My words were trapped, I was so happy he wanted to do this turn in his life, and he´s directly asking me to help him. Still I took a moment to calm down, I was so glad that I could just let a couple of tears fell. In that time our drinks arrived. — Yes… let´s work hard. I´ll talk to Shino-sensei, I´m more than sure she will be as thrilled as I am right now, and we´re going to do all we can. — Really!? Thank you! — He bows a bit. — We need to work hard now, even if you are on vacation. Is that ok for you? — Of course it is, I´ll have lots of free time after graduation, and I can enjoy my summers once my scores are stable if I happen to enter university. — You will — I reached for his hand to squeeze it and try to give him support. And he tightens his grip around my hand too. — And we´re starting tomorrow, I´ll contact Shino-sensei today, and see if you can do some recovery test, once I have the subjects from her, I´ll take all the material I got. — I´m looking forward to it. — Me too — I was so excited about this development that I want to do something right now — ok, let´s finish this then and let´s go. — To where? — I´m sure I can persuade Shino-sensei, and we´re going to be giving our best starting tomorrow, so for today, I´ll take you whenever you wanted to go, It´ll be my treat. — Seriously!? — Osomatsu hit the table with both palms. I blush a little as the people around turn to us. — Sorry — he apologize. We made a little chat to finish our orders, but we wanted to leave the place, the furtive glances were continuous. So we eat and drink and leave in five minutes. In short, he dragged me everywhere, and I had fun like a young man. We bought food, clothes, we visited places; a museum, a park, a game center. And we were ready for the intensive study. The next day I arrived to his home at nine am, I had already contacted him to share the strict but positive answer Shino-sensei told me. He can change courses, she was going to make an exam for him the very first day when the second term starts, and he will need to pass that exam at least with a 90, so we had a long way to go. Osomatsu cut his sleep time, and basically so did I, all the study sessions were made on his house, and I got to return really late and get back to him in the morning, it was hard, for both of us, he was giving his all and I wanted to support him. I got to know his parents a little bit better, and spend time with his brothers, but most of our time we were trying to make all the information fit in Osomatsu´s head, which I must say wasn´t an easy task. The constant was “if I finish this task can I kiss you?” he said every time he was starting to fall asleep, or “Would you tell me that you love me if I pass this quick test?” So I have this water sprayer provided by his mom, which I actually use every time he said a stupid irrational Osomatsu thing.   With our agendas full of study the summer passed by really quickly, and before I could count I was outside the classroom where he was taking his exam on the first day of school waiting for the results. I have classes to give, and this test will take about two hours probably, but I can´t, I need to know if I did things correctly with him, if we are moving forward. I want to believe that I´m a good teacher for him and I was wise enough to guide him and make him give… — Choromatsu-sensei — his voice broke my thoughts, I didn´t even notice when the door opened. — Osomatsu-kun, how did it go? — He was holding the exam on his hands. — This is yours — he extended it to me with both hands. I took it and look at the score. — 94 — I said out loud almost not believing it — you really did it… — We — he corrected me — we did it, surely I would have failed without you. Unable to contain my joy I hugged him — what are you saying? You would´ve been just fine. — Hehe… Thank you, for believe in me. — Your toughest year is just starting then, please do your best — I pat his back and release him — go and do your best. — Yessir! Somehow after that experience our time together was increasing and I was a little bit less reluctant to be alone with him, he had proved to be in some type of control, his jokes and flirting are innocent, and he stops once I said it, but the thing I care the most is that he seems really happy and I´m not hurting him at all, or that´s only what my eyes can see, but I´m confident in my perception of him now, so everything it´s ok. With our situation like this, and scenarios repeating themselves over and over, is how we reached middle October and also half of the second term. Impressively Osomatsu has kept his pace, his notes are raising to the top, his behavior is flawless, I´m including his personality slips of course, and he haven´t fought in all this time, he´s stopped going out with the gang of delinquents, his time is consumed by his studies and the extra effort he makes to meet me. I feel I couldn’t express how proud of him I am, there are not enough words or appropriate. In all this time there was only one fight with Shino-sensei, and it was the last hit, but he made clear his position regarding his appearance, his hair was going to stay blond until he decided the opposite, and at the end of a heated discussion, for the first time in the few years I know her, Shino- sensei gave in a little “It´s fine” she said “You´re doing an impressive job so I´ll indulge for a while, you can take this as some sort of reward” It was true, Osomatsu´s titanic efforts were something to take in consideration, and all the teachers came up with this condescending attitude. But apart from that the year was promising to be the best even if he, now that had changed courses, was not my direct student anymore, but I was assigned as his tutor apparently for my impressive effort in all of this.   In the case of our friendship it has deepened quite some, we have an habit now, at least once or twice a week I go and eat at his house or he will come to mine to eat together and study, review hard subjects or helping him stay in the same level as his classmates. Also, between all of that I´ve been giving the little Todomatsu a ride in the car here and then, or even picked the boys at their schools. Some times when I see Osomatsu playing with his younger brothers, I get assaulted if it´s correct for me to be so involved with a student, and even more a student that blatantly has confessed his feelings for me and flirts shamelessly. But I need to recognize his existence, as much as I want to deny it he has an aura, a force that makes me want to be near him, wishing not to be away when he does a new step in adulthood, be there in first row witnessing all his changes. Actually I had time to meet his parents properly in one of this escapades to his house, we finally chat, and it seems that It wasn´t me the only one wanting to meet them; we obviously talk about Osomatsu, his changes, his improvement, and most of all, how thankful they were for my effort, and always keeping an eye on him, but I was quick to answer that I´m not doing that much, is all Osomatsu´s effort, but then he in person, told them how great teacher I am, which I found utterly wrong, he is waning his resolution and all his work. But well, that´s how Osomatsu operates in general. It was one day, in the afternoon, he and his friends were playing football in the back field, he had found some free time in his tight schedule to spend with his friends. I wanted to talk to him just checking on him as I always do, but at the same time I don´t want to interrupt either, he´s having fun and enjoying some rare free time, so I think I´ll just watch for a while. — Ah, Choromatsu-sensei! — He yelled with a wide open mouthed smile. Pfft I´ve been spotted. He´s running towards me, despite the game being is still on he is happily coming to me. A complete mess as always. — Osomatsu-kun if you play without shirt you´re going to end up getting sick. — I point out, despite the chilly weather, he and his friends are playing like it was the middle of the summer. — You think? — He said once he got closer, we are separated by the metal grid and he´s lazily grabbed to it. — What´s wrong? Did I forgot something? Am I having an exam tomorrow? — No, no, it´s ok if you´re having fun like this. I was just about to leave and I saw you, that´s it. — I´m not going to encourage him saying that I deliberately was looking for him. — Can I accompany you? — Huh? But you´re playing. — They´ll be fine. You´re way more important. — complains and murmurs followed his remark from the boys in the field and he shush them with a derogative move of his hand and his usual smile, framed by his flushed checks and tired breathing — I need to change, is that ok? — Ah, sure, I´ll wait for you outside the dressing rooms. — Ok! Thanks sensei. Osomatsu returned to the game, it seems he´s only telling them he´s leaving. On my side I went ahead and wait for him outside the showers as I promised. Not too long after, he came running, with his shirt in hand. I swear if he really ends up getting sick I´m going to blame this, he´s sweating and wheezing, and the air it´s rather cold, this couldn´t be good for his body. — Thank you for waiting for me, I´ll change and we can go — he ended up drying his sweaty body with his own shirt. — My hair gets all rough when I sweat. — It´s due to the bleach. — I answer trying to imply he should return to his previous color, although I do this once in a while just for him not to forget that it´s wrong to have that hair despite the permissive attitude the other teachers and me are taking towards this subject. — Guess so. — He minimize my attempt and with his normal “I couldn´t care less” smile he turns to me. — Hey, come in, you can sit in the bench inside. Come, it´s starting to get really cold outside, and that can´t be good for a bookworm´s fragile bones like yours. Osomatsu didn´t even wait for an answer or care for my protest, he´s pulling me inside the building already, and with a dull sound I sit on the long seat as he starts to undress. — Osomatsu-kun! — I scold him, there he goes again, not thinking in the “how” and “where” nor even the “who”. — Yes? — What are you doing? He stood dumbfounded blinking in confusion. — Undressing, why? — He then noticed the betrayal of my expressions, I was actually blushing. — Choro-chan, why are you blushing? I mean, are you perhaps finally falling in love with me after all this time? Or is it that you are attracted to young sweaty boys like moi? His sly smile gets me so angry, his stand, the way he´s moving his body like this wasn´t bad enough, and here we go again, dancing this weird tango were he does something reckless and I get angry for his attitude. Right now, that´s as much as I can accept, I was already thinking how we are not doing something acceptable. He needs to understand that it´s just not right, it´s standard decency right? You don´t go around and get naked in front of you teacher, that´s a line to draw. — If you decided to stop playing games with me, thinking I´m not mature enough to know what you are doing, then come. And stop calling me Choro-chan. Fleeing from the place I took my things and walk away with a firm stance. I´m not going back, even if he looks at me with his puppy eyes, no this time. I know that we have made the line between teacher and student really blur, but sometimes I really need to draw the line, like now. We always need to reach the point where he disrespect me for him to stop, is just, that´s a constant in our actual relationship, he is always mocking my ways, rejoicing every time he thinks he´s getting away with breaking my morals. But he needs to keep in mind that I´m the adult, and I can stop his jokes whenever I wanted to. — Choromatsu-sensei! I turn around, still angry of course, and frowning — what? — It seems that at least he dressed himself. — I´m sorry, I… did it again right? — There they are, his puppy eyes — I´m just, so happy when you get a little closer to me, I´m building a type of warm and comfortable confidence around you. I´m sorry, I got overwrought every time you´re spending a some time with me, and as you were the one searching for me for a change I think I was arrogant. Really sorry sensei. I furrow my eyebrows, not completely convinced. But I know that´s correct, he´s being honest. This impulsive, with zero self-control guy is who he is. But I granted, his unpremeditated actions is what I need, nonetheless I´m not letting him know this, that his ways had given my grey life a bright tone of color this half year. — Ok, it´s fine, but I´m not allowing you to call me Choro-chan, ever again, you hear? — Yes! — He concedes, but I´m not that sure that he´s agreeing genuinely. — Did you have plans of coming to my house today? — No, actually no, I was just seeing how you were doing. — Umm boring, my parents aren´t home again. — This time he´s saying that as an invitation, because he knows I like to take care of his little brothers. — I wonder if that´s true — I answered plainly, but I know I´m smiling already. I was about to do the things I always do, complain a little, feigning that I´m not ok with this development, so he push a bit more and let me surrender after his insistent words. I´m not doing this as a game, it just doesn´t feel right to go deliberately without put up some resistance. Although nothing followed my words but silence, I keep my pace and he didn´t, he was standing there, some steps away from me. — Osomatsu-kun? — I asked and he awoke. — Ah, actually they are at home you know? — His laugh is inconsistent, nervous — I´m sorry for lying to you, I was doing my will again without consulting anyone. So, yeah, I need to get back home now, see you tomorrow? He´s not giving any space for me to answer and confused as I am right now I couldn’t do anything else but follow — yes, um, see you tomorrow. I don´t remember the last time I felt so rejected, I was ready to go with him and play with the brothers a little in their home. It makes me reconsider my life now, what am I going to do once Osomatsu graduates, I´m not going to stick around his house just because I have nothing better to do right? It´s not normal… right? How am I supposed to explain that a twenty six year old teacher likes to spend time with a seventeen, eleven and four years old boys? Anyone would think it’s strange. And still, I´m here, standing a few steps from school waiting for Osomatsu in the parking lot to run after me yelling it was a joke or that he changed his mind. Why am I wishing he comes for me? He always does, this pull and release game he and I always play, he says something stupid, I get angry and he comes after me every time, unlike now. My car is a few steps from me, it´s just matter of pulling out my key, get inside and follow my routine. Would it really be so wrong if I ask to let me accompany him? I´m just checking on him and on his little brothers that they are actually fine. My job, this “thing” I´m doing will finish once he graduates, I can enjoy a little, he´s going to be independent and away from me, and that will be fine but, that means that´s fine if I pursue these happy moments a little longer right? Ok, I’ll play the same game he does, I´ll put my ego behind and ask him, be vulnerable in front of him for once. With a new objective in front of me I returned to the main gate to take the path to Osomatsu´s house and hoping meeting him in some point. But what I found was his briefcase, laying in the floor carelessly as if someone had just drop it. I pick it up and seeing inside I confirm it is really his. — What is this doing here? Where´s Osomatsu? — Then like a lighting hitting my sense, his behavior appeared to me as something strange. Wasn´t he a little bit too mind absent? When he told me to go, he didn´t look at me. A wave of anxiousness hit me, this is not ok and something is going really wrong. I grip with strength the briefcase to stop my hands from shaking, and I ran guided by a feeling, a hunch most of it, somehow I know something happened to him, all this chains of events are not natural, this is weird. The fear of finding him fighting again covers my sense, I don´t know what I would do if I find him clashing fists with someone else. I don´t have a course, or a place I want to go, but I know I´m running in the correct direction. The unmistakable clamor of a fight echoes in a near place and I´m fearing the worst already. When I come out to the edge of the road, under a bridge there they were, Osomatsu´s friends and him, fighting against another group. My head gave me a quick idea, and standing as secure as I can be I held my cellphone in the air, and yelled: — Stop this! I already called the police so don´t move! — Obviously this type of warning always had the opposite effect, and that´s actually what I want, I know Osomatsu won’t run, and probably if his friends recognize me the will stay too. His expression is nailing down an incredible pain in my chest. I don´t know if he´s angry, sad, scared, disappointed or all together. And I only noticed we are alone when the air feels lighter, not even his friends stayed behind. He´s sat on the grass covered from the sun by the bridge´s shadow, bleeding… bleeding. — What the hell were you thinking!? — That´s even angrier than what I´ve expected.  No answer. Suddenly he spat, blood. — Osomatsu! Are you hurt? — That´s a stupid question, of course he´s wounded. — Ye… — he´s furrowing, why? — What happened? How happened? Why were you fighting again? — Another wave of silence hit between us. — I had to… — No that´s not true! — Tch! — What was that? You promised me you were not going to fight again, you gave me your word, is this the extent of your commitment? — What!? — Now is when he stood up and even with his few inches less than my height he looks menacing. — It isn´t, you can´t say that! — Don´t raise your voice at your elders, and less to your own teacher — we guard our movements for a few minutes, none of us made a sound, and I had the time to look at his injured body — you disappointed me… — I whispered freely — if this is your best effort I don´t want to know anything anymore, don´t talk to me ever again! I didn´t dare to look back, dropping his suitcase hurriedly I get back to my car, he wasn´t following me, which was good, I´m feeling so betrayed that probably I would ended up yelling more stupid things at him. Resting my head in the car´s door still outside I started to regret everything I told him, but I just couldn´t control it, I was so angry and scared seeing him like that. But, I should have supported him, of course he was going to have a relapse, supposedly I was prepared for that, then why, why was I so cruel, why I couldn´t stop myself? He had done a really good job all this time, he deserved better. — Shit I was unfair… so unfair. — But it’s affecting me so hard seeing that he fought again. Without recalling anything to my way home, I arrived to my apartment, what just happened with Osomatsu it´s eating my attention to my surroundings, and I keep thinking how I want things to fix automatically, I hate making mistakes, and more I loathe that my feelings take over my rationality, my logic it´s bigger, stronger, right? I tried to call him a thousand times but I was afraid of any type of rejection. I didn´t eat, nor sleep, I guess I did everything in automatic, because the next thing I can actually recall is me waiting, a couple of blocks away from the school building the next day. I´m trying to meet him and talk, apologize and give the support I didn´t give yesterday, my heart was drumming in my chest a loud music, almost painful. When I saw him, he was walking with the eyes locked at the floor and when we crossed sight his face didn´t change, the dead gloom aura he was carrying was painful. He had a few bandages, he has been treated. How stupid of me, I wonder how he returned home as injured as he was, I should have taken him to a hospital or at least to his house. — Osomatsu-kun — I call him and wait for him to stop. But he didn´t, he keep walking passing me by — Oi! — I grabbed his arm making him turn. — Yes, sensei? — He said with a monotone voice. — Hey I´m sorry for yelling at you yesterday. I was… — Matsuno-sensei, I think I´ve been taking my life to an incorrect way in matter of fights, I need to think and I need some time, also, you know how tight my schedule is, I need to invest my free time in resting as much as I can, I´m having a little difficulties following this subject and I want to concentrate in that. Can you please leave me alone for a while? — Eh? You want to think things out? That´s fine but you know I can help you if you´re having… — Honestly — he interrupted me — I really get distracted when you´re there, and I want to prove myself I can do it without you. — Oh… — a strange ache takes over my chest, he wants to do things “alone” huh? — That sounds logic — I answer with a solid posture — you should take all the time you need if you really want to fix things up. — Yes. Why is his face so sad and why does he look so absentminded? I can´t take seeing him so unsteady, he´s the one asking me for this time, or is it that I really hurt him yesterday, did I cross a line? — Ok, I’ll be leaving you alone as long as you promise to keep your grades and be on time I won´t be bothering you. His face clench one more time and I don´t understand why, but then he finally lock his eyes on me. — Thank you — he said — excuse me. I only watch him go, getting away from me, my hand moved probably trying to catch him, but I just stood in the asphalt looking at his back moving further away. How long is this going to take? How much is a “while” for him. I didn´t even had the chance to apologize, and I don´t know the extents of Osomatsu, if he´s really upset and requires a time to calm down I can do it, because this side of him is unfamiliar for me. This is a normal discontent between two people, he understands right? He knows I wasn´t really angry. I will trust him, I know he will be coming back to me once he feels better.   But saying is easier than doing, and after a week, that actually felt like a month honestly, Osomatsu is not approaching me yet. And that´s how I reached this familiar picture again. Me sitting on my living room´s couch with a couple of beers on the coffee table, the television going for hours without me paying attention to it and a lot of half ate snacks. When was the last time I had a proper meal? …. Oh, of course, a week ago. This is another hit to myself, what I am experiencing right now doesn´t have another name but “depression” I´m completely depressed about the fact that I can´t get in touch with Osomatsu, my life has turn to gray again, and it has lost its brightness. Did I really put that much on a young boy like him? Or is it that I got used to him being near me all the time? My stomach feels empty but I don´t want to eat, and these snacks are bad for me. And I really don´t want to cook. I wish I had somewhere to go… Oh but I have, I´ve been ignoring my older brother for a while, he´s been asking me to visit them, I didn´t do that even when I got divorced, perhaps he´s still worried about me? I can let myself be spoiled a little bit by him, finally let him be that older brother I have never consider him to be. And I know that idiot, if I share my worries he will never criticize me nor condemn me. I took my things and send him a message, asking if I can visit him today. He´s always quick to answer, as if he has his phone attached to his hand, and always his messages are flashy and flamboyant. He could only answered with a “yes” or even “I will be pleased to have you here” but no, an almost poetic prose takes over the screen on my phone, telling me how happy he is because I contacted him, and how really pleased and excited he is for the fact that I´m going right now. Every three or four words are followed by emoticons and icons, roses, sparks, smiley faces, sunglasses. It will always amaze me how quick he sends this type of messages. But well, that´s how he is and I think I need a dose of that right now. By car it takes me almost an hour to reach his apartment, that´s why I tend to avoid visiting him. But well, here I am, in front of his door prepared for his usual displays of affection. And so I ring the bell. The habitual deep voice of my brother passing through the front door, yelling his bad English words, and then he´s shut with a soundless whimper. The door opens parsimoniously. — Hey welcome — it´s my younger brother, Ichimatsu, who´s behind — I´ve just save you from a horrible and painful death by this idiot´s arms. — So you´re still abusing him — I said making my way in. — Ye… In front of me is Karamatsu´s corpse, or at least I´m sure that´s what Ichimatsu wishes, after removing my shoes I got closer to help him stand up. He laughs painfully — Ichimatsu is always playing his jokes on me, what great coordination he should have to be able to place his foot just were I was about to walk on. — Yeah… and you never learnt that you actually need to scold him right? He never plays jokes on me, because he knows that he has consequences the same size as his actions. — pulling him up the floor he dodge my comment as he walks to the kitchen. It´s a nice apartment, they have lived together for some years now, when Ichimatsu asked if he could study in Tokyo Karamatsu offered himself as a sacrifi… as his tutor, convincing my parents that he would take care of the youngest. Well, somehow Ichimatsu has made Karamatsu´s life a hell, but my stupid older brother doesn´t accredit it. And every time I told him to show some authority over Ichimatsu he just walks away. I think that´s the point where our personalities look alike, I tend to run too. I made myself home and sit on the couch, the living room is connected to the kitchen and a small dinner on the side. After Karamatsu felt safe of my questions he joined Ichimatsu and I on the couch, well he joined me as Ichimatsu is on the carpet. — And, what brings the refreshing wind of your presence today? — I wish I could skip Karamatsu´s exaggerated reactions and just jump to the part when he drops his theatrical façade and acts as a human being. — I was feeling lonely back home. — Still dealing with the divorce? — Ichimatsu has had an eye on me, silently observant of my sadness, and I appreciate it but, I actually didn´t even remember my ex-wife this time. — No, actually no. I met someone, and I´ve been feeling like my life is not that miserable when we are together, my time has been busy by taking care of someone else´s needs, and I´m laughing a lot, and I´m completely positive that I don´t need to sink in a pond of self-pity — I was trying to enunciate the best way possible what Osomatsu and I had which I found entirely difficult, we actually didn´t have anything, and I don´t know what I was seeking here —. But you know, I was left alone and I think I´m feeling depressed again. — Oh my brother, are you telling me that Venus´ sweet child has visited your door once more and knocked with passion? — Venus´ child? — Why Karamatsu always makes everything so difficult to understand? That was… mmmh Cupid? Ah… — Karamatsu-niisan, no, it´s not love or anything romantic. — Are you sure? I mean, I don´t get depressed when a friend leaves me alone… you know? — Ichimatsu has this aim with his words that I actually hate so much. — I´m sure, this is not love, can´t be love ok? It´s completely unacceptable that it could be something near love, no, no. — Whoa, why are you so reluctant? — Karamatsu placed a hand on my shoulder — you´re divorced, you´re free, and if you have found someone that makes you feel the way you just described, then I don´t see why not, what´s so wrong about it? — Unacceptable? — mumbles Ichimatsu — Holly fuck it´s a student right? Did I guess right? — Ah!? — Mmhh! I see, the sweet nectar of an unbloomed flower, a young and forbidden love, the excitement of the chase for the outlawed. Ichimatsu and I stared at Karamatsu equals disgusted and horrified. — But… well if it´s really a student… it is prohibited right? And I don´t think her parents will allow it that easily, you will need to move carefully. Why? Why is this happening to me? Why are they assuming I´m in love of a student? And also they´re taking for granted that is a girl. I´m not in love with Osomatsu, I already rejected him because it´s impossible. — I´m not… — I stuttered but I was interrupted by my older brother. — Choromatsu, are you sure? You didn´t even visited us when you got divorced, stating you had to overcome that by yourself. And this girl left you a week and you´re here looking so devastated. — Not true! I´m not looking devastated Karamatsu-niisan — I defend myself immediately, almost automatically. — Umm, you are. Simply, plain, without ornaments, that´s how Ichimatsu´s words are, but they hit me, like cold water. — Really? — I asked and they both nodded. — But it´s not… — What? Maybe it´s not love yet, if that´s what is concerning you but you need to start with “not denying it”, and if you need to, this Karamatsu of yours will take you to the gates of love. — No stupid, wait did you just say that you will take me to the gates of love? That´s disgusting. — Ahaaֹ~ I will show you the way. — Shut up… — Ichimatsu bite back, completely annoyed by our eldest. — But that wasn´t… ok look — Karamatsu it´s always quick to assume which makes things difficult for people, and even more if they are like me and need to gather a big amount of courage to speak the truth. — What I was about to say, was that… It´s not… a girl. Yes, those blank expressions were what I was expecting, and then the humiliation, they break in laughter, loud as they could possibly be. — Wait! A boy? A student that´s a boy? With a dick and everything? — Ichimatsu has taken his place next to me in the sofa. — I´m not in love with him ok? — No, no, no, no, wait — he said — anyone that makes you put that face is definitely something else. Now you have to speak. — Mmhh! — I hear Karamatsu at my side — my little brother, drowned in the waters of the sea called taboo, tasting the forbidden fruit, the sin, breaking the walls of conventionality to drink the dripping nectar on a young boy´s body. My brother I applaud you! — Shut up you shit! — grabbing the closest cushion I hit him with all my might — You´re not making this easier! — Oh wow, you need it to be easier? — Ichimatsu! — I covered my face — Stop putting words on my mouth. You want to know what happened, ok. After I began to narrate my story, Karamatsu served the diner I told them how I met Osomatsu, when and how we had been together for the past half year, thing that Ichimatsu took the chance to joke that we “were together” then encouraging another murderous verses from my older brother. We move from the kitchen to the carpet with some coffee and snacks once we finished eating food. It was there, with our drinks half way through when my story ended and I have shared the whole course of events until this very moment. — Hey, jokes aside, are you really depressed because he haven’t talked to you for a week? — With his knees tightly wrapped between his arms, Ichimatsu didn’t lose sight of the cat´s pendulum tail of a wall clock they had. — Sincerely, yes, I know we have spent a lot of time together, but that´s not a feasible reason for me to be this down. — The encrypted language of love is not easily understandable for everyone, they eyes needs to shut and the heart open… when your eyes encounter… — Maybe is what you told me before? — Ichimatsu continued as if he had never interrupted Karamatsu, and so did I — he´s kind of doing things you weren´t used to, and you´re dazzled by this charm you say he has. Also, you´ve been doing things that… well, I know you, inviting a student to your apartment, let him sleep there, cooking together, it´s like breaking your way of doing things. For fuck sake you didn´t even let me eat candies before diner because that wasn´t the proper order, or every time you put a timer to make sure I brushed my teeth the proper time. Even you got angry because I wanted to eat ice cream on winter, because it wasn´t supposed to be that way. — I did those things didn´t I? — You did, so, this experiences, despite whatever excuse you want to give yourself, you´re breaking your “Choromatsu´s rules” for his sake, all you´ve been living with him is just not you, and at the same time, I know this is what you always wanted to do but you weren´t brave enough. — The experiences of the new life — Karamatsu starts again, not following the conversation as always — the little details that makes life worth living, lovers needs to speak to each other… — Am I wrong comparing those experiences with my ex-wife? — I said — I mean, every time he does something different of what I´m accustomed to, I immediately think about my wife, and how she never did any of those things, and I mean, he is in love with me, the actions has the same weight right? But isn´t too cruel or inappropriate? — Mmhh~? — For who? Choromatsu-niisan, you have to think in yourself, and obviously the other party, but that´s it, if you pay more attention to other facts then you´re not going to be happy. And if you´re really in love, and I´m not saying that it is, then you´re just reaching the realization that your ex-bitch was nothing really. — Hey! — What? Someone that can´t make their couple happy because they´re too centered in themselves is nothing but a bitch. — Aahhh I see~ — Karamatsu keeps mumbling in the background. I laughed — since when are you the one talking about happiness that way? — Maybe I started when you turned into a bulk shit. — Oi! — I couldn’t get angry with Ichimatsu at this point he was helping me put my shit together — you know, I´m not really sure about anything, or if I´m really in love, but my ethic is screaming at me: “he´s a student”. — Oh, that´s why you´re not giving it a thought? You´re closing the doors before seeing who´s knocking. — How I´m hatting Ichimatsu right now. — If, if something happened, I will be in trouble at my job. And I don’t really, really think anyone could be happy with that development. — If you don´t do what´s best for you, anyone else will do it in your place, and if this student of yours is giving you everything you need, then why deny it?, love, my little brother, has no age or labels. — That might be the most reasonable thing he had said in his life — the observation slip my lips in a way of telling Karamatsu that this time I paid attention. — Of course! I was sure that despite your personality you could find someone that can love you. — Excuse me!? — Aaand he screwed it up… I ended up returning back home around two in the morning, the fight with Karamatsu dragged for a long time. Despite everything I´m not feeling more sure about anything, at least I get it, Osomatsu is really special to me, I don´t know in which way yet. But maybe, if I do as they say and overthrow my walls to him, I probably can find something interesting in there. But it saddens me that I haven´t had the chance to taste how our relationship could be without walls. A month had already passed since the last time we talked properly, that dreadful morning when he asked for time to think. At first I thought he was angry, upset because I told him not to see me again, but this has been dragged just too long, wasn´t that just a fight? People had those all the time and yell at each other stupid things. I was just worried about him, I was trying to make him reconsider what he was doing, and well yes, maybe I overreact a little but he´s not the type to back off right? I´ve been saying to him worst things and he always comes back. He´s maintaining his grades and his behavior, so I have practically no reason to approach him, because the only difference in the pictures is that we aren´t as close as we were. He stopped following me completely, he haven´t invite me to his house, and he´s not sending me messages at inadequate hours, or surprise visiting me at my apartment. He just abruptly ceased. I tried to speak to him several times, and he always evades me with the same phrase “I don´t have time right now, make it other time, exams are near and I can´t fail them” Which is true, and I don’t want to be the reason that makes him fail. Another thing that has been a little bit more clear for me this past month is the way I care for Osomatsu, every day I can´t but think about him, and even if my rationality tells me everything is fine, because he´s fine, and the only reason for me to felt so down it´s because I´ve been discarded, and I´m being spoiled because I want to be there, but I´m still insisting not as lovers. And I´ve been question that all days, I´ve been interrogating myself if I didn’t start to like him that way, but it just doesn´t feel right. I called Ichimatsu yesterday, and he gave me this great idea, to think about Osomatsu in different scenarios, but really think about it. So right now I lay on the center of my bed I need to start with something, inadvertent  my older brother´s words came to me, and they hit me with more accuracy this time “If you don´t pursue your happiness no one else will do it in your place”. So, leading my thoughts to an obvious answer, my happiness is Osomatsu? Yes, right now he is, he had filled a dark hole that was pierced in my soul, how he did it, is a mystery for me, but can I call this half assed feelings “like” or “love? — … maybe… — I said out loud. So here is where I start, what scenario, well of course, If I don´t like him it´s ok If he starts dating someone else right? So I can picture him hugging a girl, walking with her and smiling the same way he does to me. A pinch of pain peaks on my chest. — Oh… He marring her, sharing vows and kissing, then making breakfast for her and sharing moments together, forever. I swallow hard when my chest starts to hurt real badly with my body shivering and trembling. — Oh… my… God… — I keep going, some day, he will have children probably, and they´ll go to his house and they will be living with his brothers, without any space for me… Someone else could take him away from me… — Take him away from me!? Shit… — I like him, without noticing, or even knowing when, I´ve fell for him and it is really hard. I´ve been denying it… Covering in my stupid morals. In the darkness of my room I contemplate the next step, and it frightens me because what am I going to do? Confess back? Seven months after he did? And I can´t go and run to his arms like there aren´t lots of things to consider, he´s way younger than me, we´re both males, he´s my student, he´s still underage, he would be dating a divorced man. Well, maybe if I wait until he graduates I can prevent an extra weight on my conscience. Fine, I can talk to him and try to fix things up, keep a little longer this relationship we had up until now, and when he´s not longer my student, I can cross that bridge, and I can see what happens after that, what the future may bring to me. I´ve decided already, I will not wait another day, I know he asked for a time away but at least I can check on things and see if they are ok between us.   The agonic morning ended, now all students are leaving the school.  As soon as I finished, or almost finished my duties, I went to Osomatsu´s classroom to search for him, I can´t believe how nervous I am, the anxiety it´s pressing my chest enough to stop right here and run away. But I don´t really want to lose him, and I have made my mind already, so I plant my two feet on the classroom´s door. It was almost empty, but there were the few friends Osomatsu has, including that boy that´s one year back because he repeated, also there are a couple of girls next to them, they were joking and playing, picking their things up. Wait, wasn´t he too busy that he couldn´t spare some time to me. That´s when I notice one of the girls has no personal space in reference to Osomatsu, she was hugging him and rubbing his head while whispering at his ear, Osomatsu´s arm is around her waist while wearing a tender smile. Oh, so he can flirt with girls but he can´t assist to a study session with me? Yes, this is what I want to prevent exactly. — Osomatsu-kun — I spoke unable to hide the upset tone. They all jump at my voice and she got away from him immediately. Osomatsu now looks pained but a second ago he was fine, he even was laughing. — I need you to come, and you all better go home. — What? Why? — The pitch in his voice is something I have never heard, is he that upset to see me? — We´re not doing anything improper. — Don´t answer back, I need to talk to you just for a minute — I insist. — Why? — He´s annoyed. — What? I´m asking you to accompany me, I´m your tutor, do I really need another reason? — It´s not good that we are having this display in front of his friends, they are my students too. — No but… One of the boys stopped Osomatsu. — Hey, calm down — he said — it´s gonna be alright, you should just go, don´t make Matsuno-sensei angry, stop being so rude. Osomatsu obeys not without clicking his tongue first. — Fine. I don´t understand what´s wrong, or why is he so against of being with me, my mind is taking care of giving me endless reasons as to why he´s so reluctant, but I prefer to hear it from him. The remaining students part ways with Osomatsu, they went opposite direction to us, I was walking towards the teacher´s lounge with Osomatsu following me a few steps away, his head is facing downwards with not hope looking at my direction, if I don´t call his attention first he won´t look at me. — I´m taking you to the teacher´s room — I tried to make conversation, I hate the silence between us. — Mmhmm —barely answering he keeps that sad expression on him. Why is he not talking to me? Is this still about me reacting wrong to the fight he had? Or is it that he doesn´t want me anymore? I´m a burden to him now… Turning on my heels I grabbed him from the wrist and open the closest door; it´s the library and thank God is empty. Closing the door behind me and putting the lock, I pulled him to the deepest part of the room, he was complaining and trying to free himself from my grip, probably I was hurting him. — Choromatsu-sense! — Why are you not talking to me!? — We finally face each other. — Huh!!?? What do you mean with “why”!? Aren´t you disappointed of me? I was just trying to have some distance between us so I could… — he turned his head away quickly clenching his lips and frowning. — So you can what? — Get over you — ruffling roughly his own hair with his hand he pulled at his scalp a little apparently containing tears and a fear covers my body — I knew that the fight was going to end everything, and after you saw me the way you did I was finally convinced of this fruitless feelings, although I knew they were that from the very beginning at least I was able to make you laugh sometimes, make you happy and deceive myself in the process. I can tolerate that, but I failed you and you hated me… so I thought — he swallowed painfully. — And you know, you were right, this whole thing about being spoiled by you when you don´t feel anything for me it´s really painful, I was naïve. And maybe I´m in no position of saying this but fuck it, your double standards are hard to bear, I can´t take it anymore. You saying “no” and doing it anyways. I really thought it was a good thing but now that I´m facing the misery of having to forget you it made everything harder and torturous like hell. I really can´t take it — he squats holding his forehead with both hands. — Osomatsu — I whispered bending to grab his wrist but he slapped my hand away. — Don’t! Please… it´s hard enough as it is, don´t make it harder… not right now. Let me do this properly. — Ok — I said with a shaky voice — I admit that everything I did in the past was because you came when I was in my worst state, and I took advantage of your kindness because I didn´t want to be alone in my apartment, and I followed you more than once. — What? — He lifted his teary face — why? — Why what? — The question surprised me. — Why you didn´t want to be alone in your apartment? — Ah, just… — I swallowed my fear of confessing everything — I have so awful memories of that place. — Why? My eyes watered too, if I´m doing this I should speak with a complete truth. — My ex-wife cheated on me, and I found here in our living room with the guy she was sleeping with. So every time I enter that place the first thing I remember is that scene. — You… is that the reason you accepted so easily to come to my house? And you were so into taking me to yours? You were trying to cover her traces with my actions — the horror in his face hurts me, because he is right. My breath was getting uneven and I started to shake really hard, I fixed my glasses one last time — yes. He was clenching his face, trying to form phrases, making deep short breaths, blinking as he was trying to process the information given — so not even that was because you appreciate my company? Everything I have done it had been connected with your ex-wife? — A pain cry similar to the one I heard seven months ago run free from his mouth, an asphyxiating and throaty cry — fucking shit! I can´t! — Osomatsu, listen to me, please — I was crying too, I don´t want to hurt him anymore, I did enough for a lifetime already, and I´m so insecure if with this pain he is wearing right now are we going to be able to move forward somehow. — No! I don´t want to hear anything else! I´m sorry, I know you´re still dueling your loss, and it was all my fault for getting in the middle of that, you properly rejected me already, I don´t know what I was thinking, and right now I can´t, I´m backing off. — Osomatsu, please let me speak! — Shut up! — He stood up and put himself to run at the door´s direction. I managed to grab him to the arm and we both fell. — C´mon Choro-sensei, let me go! You enjoy seeing me suffer for you? Is that what you want? — Don´t you dare give me that shit when I was the one that warned you to forget about me. — Oh yea, then I´m sorry! You were right, and maybe it´s a little late for me but I´m doing exactly that right now — He freed himself from me and I stand up to follow. We struggle between the bookshelves dropping books as we pass, until I managed to pin him against one, holding his both hands with mines. — You fucking piss me off all the time! — It´s rare, extremely unique the times in my life I´ve yelled like this — you don´t listen to others, and you´re so fucking pushy all the time. And after I told you over and over to get away the only time I want to have you close you ran, but you know what? I´m not making the same mistake twice. I didn´t do anything to prevent Kaede to leave, and you know why I didn´t? Now I realize that she wasn´t worth the effort. But you, dumb boy, I´m keeping you! You hear? If you´re trying to get away from me then I´m going to follow you, and if you already forgot me, then I´ll make you fall for me again. You´re worth that effort and more. Because, yes, at first, it was all because I didn’t want to be alone, but for my stubbornness I never noticed how I was falling in love with all your contradictions, I was getting stuck in your caring actions. No one had loved me the way you did, no one had ever paid that much attention to my needs. And I know I´m hard to handle, my personality is the worst and I don´t let people get in or show that I care for them, but I do. And you know, probably If I weren´t that way Kaede wouldn´t have found someone else to satisfy her needs… and probably I´m not going to be much different with you because that´s how I am, but please… even if I´m this horrible person, please choose me again. I don´t want anyone but you anymore. I had my eyes shut tight, and he freed himself from my clutch. I didn´t want to look, I had confessed everything and I´m trusting in his kindness, that he won´t crush me now, in my weakest moment. If he runs now I´ll be… A pair of hands trapped my face and forced to open my eyes. My tears are falling to the ground and he´s sobbing too. His expression had softened and he´s smiling at me. — Choro-sensei… don´t blame yourself for that, if she cheated on you it´s not your fault, there are other ways to fix things, and that´s just a coward way of do it — his voice is soft and he´s being careful with his choice of words. — Yes sir you are kinda difficult to handle, and yes some times I´ve broke my head trying to figure out what were you thinking, but it´s not a pain to do it. That constant frown on your face is cute and what I love most — I stare at him and I started to cry again because he said the word “love” in present, and he seemed to understand what I was crying for so he pulled me closer an fit me into the crock of his neck — Yes Choro-sensei I still love you, I was having a really hard time because I couldn´t take you out of my head at all. I pulled back of his body, trying to watch him, face to face, confirming our mutual confession. Both with red eyes and a tired expression. Probably he has been sleeping even less than me. Then he smiles again touching my face and I lean into his hand. Maybe I´m imaging things but, is he looking at my lips? No, this is no imagination, if I just told him that I wanted him to be at my side, of course he will pursue a kiss at his first chance. Our first kiss huh? I want to, I really do, I´m just digging in my interior to cross this bridge, to shut my rationality and just go for it before of what I have planned. Nonetheless I can´t stop thinking about his age, our situation, his gender. I just discovered that me in particular has no type of issue with these matters, but the world around us may, and I´m not sure if I want to make his life so difficult at so early age, even if he has this strong will… He rolled his eyes and pulled me to him making the kiss happen. And I´m so thankful to him for shutting my mind. All my senses stopped working the moment our mouths clashed, nothing existed but us two, and the soft sweet moan he gave through his nose. We switch our position to fit better, breaking away softly, making noises with our lips, fitting them between our own to suck delicately. I want more, I want everything from him. Opening my lips I´m taking his with them and slip my tongue inside. Surprised Osomatsu moan in my mouth and so do I, he´s following the speed immediately. But the difference is remarkable, kissing a man is absolutely not the same as a woman, if I can use a word to describe it, would be “rough”. As I tried to catch his tongue with mine, he is actually trying to settle a pace too, and now I know; this is the sexiest kiss I´ve ever had. We are fighting for a control inside our mouths, and that´s making it sloppier and louder. And fuck, the way he does it is so breathtakingly, I´m sure I can go insane if we continue. But we break away to our disgust. A kiss has to end sometime. I try not to get our bodies too close, I can´t let him notice that I am actually half hard already, and even less, he can´t know I´m capable of make him mine, right here and now. — Sensei — he called me with an aired voice — take me? — Osomatsu, come on — I huff taking strength of nowhere — we just… we are not in a suitable place for that, give time to these things, they´ll happen in time. He throws at me, clinging with his arms his whole body to my neck — but I want you now. Actually I´ve wanted you for the past years, so I waited enough. — Ok, perfect then, you can wait a little longer — I was trying to sound composed, but I´m not sure if I was being convincing. — How long is a “little longer”? — Until you graduate for example. — Eeeh? Noo. — Yes — I insist as firm as I could, I mean, I´m trying to find a reason why wouldn’t be good for us to let our bodies speak, as I´m just imaging how could I undress him and take him right here against this shelve. I have to recognize my libido is always at the top, I really need to restrain myself quite a lot all the time. And right now I really want to feel Osomatsu up. — Choro-sensei — his mellow voice sends a shiver through my spine — am I not desirable to you? I ground his hands to his sides — stop it Osomatsu, you´re playing with fire. — Oh, am I really? — He said with a priggish smile — is there really a burnable part in you that I can lit? — Of course there is, what do you take me for? His eyes hooded in an instant, his sight is taking a sensual air and his smile show all his flirtatious demeanors — If that is then burn me, consume me in your flames sensei. Let me melt with your body. Incinerate every part of me and please scorch me to the bones. This boy. I tried to resist a little more, but my cock is betraying me, jumping in a lapse of self-control. He is dangerously close to my body, his breath was bathing my mouth, but then he licks my lips in an upward movement and something snapped inside of me. He wants to play with me? He´s going to play then. With much force I pinned him down on a near table, positioning me on top of him. — Choro-sen… — Shhh! — I place my finger in his mouth earning a confusing sound from him — You´re going to be a good boy and be quiet, how about that? — I was looking down at him, my hand was making a path from his lips to his belt as I watch how his body contracted at my touch, quivering at the expectation of me. His cheeks were already red and his breathing reached a quick pace almost immediately. He´s looking at me as if he couldn´t believe what´s happening, and he´s blushing with the last tear falling from the corner of his eye. His face went redder as I remove the tie around my neck with my other hand, losing it a little to release some heat. — Sensei… — for some reason that word had a different effect on me, and he looks so demure that´s alluring. We stare at each other´s eyes, the orange hue covering our bodies having the sunset as the only witness of our sin — yes… — he whispered. Approaching to his lovely face I couldn’t care less for anything around us, I was so upset for how completely in love I was with this boy, and I hate him, for being so damn endearing that has made me so socially incorrect, going against all my beliefs, and I hate him more for being so perfect, so exactly what I needed all my life. With the ghost of a kiss I frown letting him go and standing in front of the table — Huh? — He said propping up himself with his elbows. — You agree being a good boy didn´t you? — I grabbed his face with my hand lifting it up to my sight. He nodded — then remove your jacket — a bright spark shined in his eyes, he knew what I wanted and he was eager to provide. Putting one leg on the table he yanked the top layer of his uniform almost forcefully. I can see the impressive bulge forming in his pants sitting in that position, he is challenging me with his eyes. — Unbutton your shirt, slowly — with an almost sneering stance I tower in front of him watching him go through his buttons one by one as his chest was being revealed to me. It´s surely not the first time I´m seeing him without the upper part, but it´s the first time I know I´m going to be all over that. — Open your shirt and lay on the table — I keep my stance, I´m enjoying this enormously, and for the look on his eyes and the fade smirk on his lips while obeying my instructions, so does he. I hover on top of him fitting myself between his legs and taking them with me to bend him over and face each other, with one hand I trapped both his wrist against the table above his head — you actually have been a bad boy lately, haven´t you? — getting closer to his face I whispered into his ear after nibbling it. — No — his shaky voice echoed in my ears, and I had to keep a lot of composure as his pained cry is so delectable that made me almost nude him without decorum, not that I´m harboring any. — You´ve been flirting with girls, and being away from your teacher — I emphasize to my fake irritated face grinding against his ass in an intrepid movement. He pulled air the moment he felt how hard my cock already was. — You´re the only one for me, I swear — I love how he looks like this; his legs opened to me, chest weaving, glossed eyes and flustered cheeks. — I wonder how I can believe that… probably— licking my way down to his chest my pants get a little bit more tight in the front, I don´t remember the last time I was so excited and eager to do this. — How about mark your whole chest? — I start to draw a visible trace where my mouth is passing, sucking with force to leave red spots all over this torso that belongs to me. — Yes… anything you want — he answers and moans every time I repeat the motion — … please, free my hands — with the heat of the moment I didn´t even noticed how tight I was pushing down his wrist under my palm. And I really questioned myself inside if it will be a good idea. Then a thought crossed my mind, if the previous kiss was a power fight, then this… A gratifying shiver covered my body, I really want to experience that. So I released him. Not long after, he took my face making me go up and he kissed me wrapping his arms at my back with much force. I felt the need he´s been building this past years, his desire, and I was having a revolting of emotions inside of me; if I knew earlier how much he loved me, probably I would have succumbed sooner. We were getting deeper in our mouths, desperate for each other in the exact same way. But how I didn´t expect him to be even more bold of what I am myself? His hands start to caress my back reaching the lower part of my body and with a quick push down, he begins to brush our bulges together, he, supporting his two feet in the edge of the table, rutting upwards while pushing me down tightly grabbing my ass. And God, this is maddeningly amazing. We opened our mouths and he sings the word “sensei” in my open mouth over and over as he speeds our pace. I support on my hands and start to grind forcefully against each other. — Shit! — He curses throwing his head back.  Then he laughs showing his trademark smile with an erotic hue painting his face. — I dreamt about this but it´s a thousand times better. — clinging to me again, pulling himself up using my neck he spokes with a hot breath — I´m yours, take me, take everything from me and claim it. The last ounce of rationality that I had left, if I could really call it that way at this point, had just died. I want to print the shape of me in every part I can on his body, and I want to entice every sensual noise from him until he ends up sore and tired. Still with a fake control of the situation and cocky as he always has been, Osomatsu licks the edge of my jaw, tracing it with his tongue in a slow wet movement. I catch up his playful muscle with mine and pushing it inside him I swirl inside his mouth. My reward is a gratifying moan fugitive of his nose. He´s easy to groan and I like that. — Sensei… — he mutters as he´s taking my coat off. — Mnhh? — I answer as I start to bit his nipples, thinking if it´s the same for a boy than for a girl, and if playing with these feels good in a boy too.  But then he laughs. — Ah you don´t like it? — It´s not that I don´t like it, I´m not used to it, it feels funny. — Oh, sorry — I said with a fake repentant as I bit harder on the buds. — Choro… ah! — You´re going to learn to like it then — my lips surrounding his plushness makes him shiver at the feeling of my breath. The position we are right now makes it really easy for me to violently explore his chest. It´s a complete new experience but I like it, the firm touch on his sides, the velvet feeling around his chest, the deep groans, his manly hands on top of mines, his callous fingers traveling my back as he takes my shirt away. Everything about this it´s amazing, but most of all, we love each other.   We were still shamelessly rutting into each other, Osomatsu has ensured to pay the earlier favor leaving marks in my chest too. We stop the rimming when our hands, that had been wondering freely, reached our middle section. I want to touch it, and I know he wants that too. Unbuttoning the belt I remove his pants in a lethargic move of my hands, trying to catch up every centimeter of his lower body. — What´s this? — I ask having a full sight of his abdomen. — Ah… mmhh nothing? He has a tattoo in the left side on his abdomen at the waist height with the shape of a koi. — You have a tattoo — I said touching it with my fingers. — It was… I was going to finish it if I happened to have you — he says touching the place with his fingers, rubbing them against mines — you know like, my koi succeeding to swim upstream, and the waterfall it’s you… so I thought if that happened one day, I will do its path to a dragon. With a light chuckle I looked at him — you´re not going to be able to enter public baths, is that ok? — I don´t like those places anyways. Leaning down I kiss the ink — I´ll accompany you later then. — Oh boy — I look at him and he´s blushing, covering his eyes with his arm. He´s embarrassed. I chuckle finishing my task, removing his pants finally, and I´m delighted with the sight in front of me, Osomatsu´s boxers are drawing the outline of his frenulum and a visible spot can be seen where the head is, already wet with pre-cum. I dare to trace his cock with my fingers until I land my hand completely in his bulge.   — Ah… I wasn´t ready for… shit — he chokes in his swearing. His body is nice, one can tell how much he had fought before, he has a few scars, and one practically new, probably the outcome of las time. So I started to kiss him again, removing his arm, and touching his body wholly. I was so concentrated on my task that I didn´t see the audacious hand traveling downwards me. I ought not be as surprised as I was,  by now I should know already, he´s not the type of guy who would just stay there, laying like a dead fish waiting to be touched, it doesn´t fit his personality in the first place. I realize this completely when his brave hand starts groping the front of my pants and I fail to contain a moan. I look at him with daring eyes, but he has his eyes closed while moving his palm up and down my erection. He´s enjoying it in a way that only makes me melt inside. But I remove his hand and he peeks at me just to discover I`m taking my pants off too, and finishing removing shoes and socks, for both of us. We stare at our bodies with the last layer of cloth on us. His affectionate fingers licking his way down to my brief´s elastic plunging his finger between the skin and the cloth. — Can I take a peek? — He ask licking his upper lip, more subconsciously than an actual show or act. — Yes — I say. A pathetic cry echoes in his barely close mouth when he pulled down the front part of my underwear leaving exposed part of my cock. — You´re dripping… I trap his hand before he moves further forward just when he was about to touch me. — I want us… I didn´t need to say more, smiling he understood placing my hands in his boxers and I take them down together with my hands exposing him completely. I clearly see how his cock jumps when I look at it. But before I lose my time contemplating him, I pull down my own while I heard a soft almost imperceptible “yes” from his side. It´s nippy, the room feels cold and his body constantly shows the effect of shivering. But our skin is hot, the desire burning inside of us keeps us not caring about the weather. I climb on top of him again, both not losing sight of our erected members. Gripping it firmly I take his on my hand and he hums, and that´s the thing I like, I really feel a little weird having another man´s dick on my hand, but the response I obtain every time I do something to his body is what´s having me rock hard. I can get used to this, because I love the feeling of his pulsing shaft and the moans once I start stroking it steady, firm and soft. With a warble of unintelligible phrases he reach his hand to my penis, and I whimper at his touch. As I accommodate myself to rub ourselves together he grabs both of us in his clutch and start to pump. Our breath is breaking even more than before, we kiss eagerly, and we print the shape of our mouths and fingers along our bodies, taking finally what belongs to the other. But here I am, with the picture of his cock in my mind as my eyes are closed exploring thoroughly his mouth making him swallow my groans, I want to lick it, touch it, wrap it with my lips and listen him go crazy for it. I want to have all of him in my mouth, I´m getting addicted at his wanton expressions, and I can only imagine his face seeing and feeling his dick being devoured by my maw. And It´s more the time I took thinking of if than an actual cogitation on the act. Before he can record what´s going on, I´m already sucking at his dick, as he lets out crazy loudly moans with some profanities. — Sensei,,, shit! — I can sense it, he wants to move inside me, his hips are shaking with a subtle thrust motion. And Honestly, I want him to do it too. In a quite strange position, as his feet are still supported at the edge of the table, I slip my arms under his legs to hold my body up with my hands on the surface. Accommodating enough to be comfortable but with, what I think, will be a good angle for him, I maintain my head still, my mouth full of him, and I look at him trying to communicate what I want him to do without words. He frowns in confusion, swallowing, probably trying to rehydrate his throat. — You, ah… want me to… — he didn´t finish as I assent without the need of hearing the rest. — You´re, nggh, gonna kill me I swear — adjusting himself and grabbing my hair with his hand he starts to drive in me. I like everything about this; the hardness in him, his euphoric movements, the strong smell being so close, the saliva making sinful noises through my mouth. And I couldn’t help but take one of my hands bellow to pump myself at the same time. — You´re.. ah! Touching yourself… sensei, that´s… so fucking sexy — he face fuck me with nonexistent control as it seems I pushed a weird switch in him. The craziness in his movements makes me moan completely pleased by this situation, and he just answers in kin. I lick him up at best of my ability, trying to run my tongue trough the underside of his moving cock, and suck at the same time. Impressively, he almost can go all the way through my throat without chocking me and he´s not small at all, I can dare to say that maybe we´re about the same size. The thing is, I discover something about myself as I´m tasting the up and down of his shaft; I´m good at this and I didn´t know it. I like it and I didn´t know it. — Sensei! I´m… gonna come… can I come? — I don´t answer, the affirmation to his ask is my face moving in opposite motions to his to meet his thrust in the middle, taking speed and firmness. He stops for a second, a loud cry resounding in the library, he shakes and tremble as I feel his culmination in my mouth, one last thrust upward before he dropped his legs down. My mouth was filled with his sperm. I didn´t swallow and just drip in my hand what´s not trapped inside. — Geez, that was amazing… — he said, breathing chaotically. — Turn around — I was so ready to take this to the end, I´m not even sure if we´re going to be able to, but the try is not going to kill us. — Mmh, you probably would want to grab the lotion I have on my pocket. — Eh? — I didn’t process the information quite well. — A lotion? What lotion? Turning his eyes to a side he blushes again, but this time for different reasons — I´ve been carrying it for the past two weeks, trying to find a moment to ask you if you could… do me before we part ways… — So you have lube right now? — Yeah… don´t be angry I was… — I´m not… totally angry, actually I´m not angry is just my normal response at your craziness, but this time your weird way of thinking might be good — I was looking into his clothes. I felt it almost immediately, he was right, he has a tube of lotion on one pocket. — Turn around then.   Catching his breath he did as I say, his upper body on top of the table while the other was hanging from a side. His face was pushed against the table — even with the lube you can totally eat me out if that´s ok for you, I haven´t gone to the bathroom at all. I´m clean I swear. — Huh? What do you mean you haven´t gone to the bathroom? That´s not normal. And why are we talking about this, he´s and idiot and I´m following as always. — I wasn´t eating… I didn’t have breakfast or lunch so… probably that´s the reason I don´t want to go to the bathroom? — He bends to the front but supporting most of his weight in his palms, sticking his ass out and talking me with the neck lightly twisted to see me. — Are you expecting me to continue after telling me such a thing!? … What? He´s looking at me, with an eyebrow lifted and a half smirk, as if I had just challenged him. Moving snakingly he climbs the table, now that his knees are supported higher  he lifts his ass even more and returning to his previous position he pushes his cheek against the furniture to take his hands behind and spread his butt cheeks. I just gulped. — Yes… — he says showing his trade mark smile — I´m expecting you to continue, because you want to, and you´re still hard, so deliciously hard. Automatically I reach for him, stretching my arm to grope his round butt. And with the other started to feel the ring of muscle. He acknowledge my touch with a laughy gasp. — Osomatsu — I said, noticing something. — Yeah? — He answers with a mocking tone, as he already knew what I was going to ask. — This, shouldn´t be like this right? — I´m looking at his asshole, and it´s gapping slightly. — Are you not…? — I`m sure he´s not virgin, in matters of woman, but I didn´t know… — Hey, I have never been with a man if that`s what`s concerning you — he licks one of his fingers and reaches behind inserting it slowly with a squelching sound as he moans — I did… things like this… — he starts to parsimoniously move the finger in an out — ah, thinking of you. I thought that, if someday I happened to convince you to do it, you will back off because this takes time, to stretch and get used to the feeling. — You… really are something else, don´t you know anything of romantic mood? — What are you saying? Isn´t it romantic as it is? We can go all the way thanks to my genius. — He keeps the movement of his finger while letting soft kind of pained gasps. — And you can start right now with two fingers, don´t you… ah! I remove his hand forcefully, it´s so hot seeing him do that, but I want to do it myself, and I´ll do as he says, but first I lean to lick his hole and thrust my tongue forcefully. He´s helping me, now with both hands separating his buttocks. — Ngh! Oh… that feels… different, and so good. — I trace him with my tongue but I want to move this a little bit faster, besides, I couldn’t resist, they are there, just below my chin, so I moisten two fingers with the lube and slowly I push them passing through his hole getting deeper and deeper inside of him firm but carefully — ah! — But I´m not done, going low I start to lick his balls they look so good in this position — eh? Ah! Wait… wa… agh… — my finger´s intrusion is maintaining a pace along with my mouth, and I feel the jump of his cock as is getting hard again. It´s good to be young.  — Sensei… nh… touch… bellow… inside… — ah right, his prostate. I do as he says, trying to find the spot. So I move, meticulously enough, paying close attention to his breaths and whimpers, just to make sure they are not out of pain. It´s the size of a walnut, and it´s squishy, how come I can´t find… — Ah! Oh… that was different. And I do feel like a lump in here. So I keep pushing my fingers while rubbing his prostate, moving again above him I start touching his legs, waist, back, and I reach for his nipples once more earning another soft laugh drown in whimpers. — I´m going to put another finger, is that ok? — taking the tube of lube I pour more in the place where my fingers connect with his body, pulling them out just enough to insert another one after his almost imperceptible sound of approval. — Shit… — Does it hurt? — Yeah, haven`t been this stretched before, but it doesn´t hurt that much, I just need to get used to it like the first time I tried it. — I`m going slow then — I left my fingers inside a little, as he keeps doing some type of breath exercise: pulling in slowly, holding and then out at the same pace. He grabbed tightly the edge of the table to both sides, tensing his muscles every time I pushed, and relaxing with a guttural voice when pulling. But the pleasure was impregnated in every sound, because my fingers reached perfectly his sweet soft place. Some minutes pass by, I wasn´t less aroused but my dick has softened, I was more concentrated on not hurting him, scissoring and rubbing carefully but uniform. His abused hole was wide and pinkish, dripping and soft as the resistance has reduced. The mere thought of it is bringing a dormant part in me back to life. — Osomatsu — I grunt pulling my fingers out watching his aperture twitch. — Do you think I can penetrate now? Whining in pain he pulled his legs down the table — yeah — all flustered and tired he touched his back part, opening himself a little — oh wow… I hope it doesn´t stay like that… — still smiling, he grabs the tube of lube and turning around he pours it on my dick, caressing it with both hands. I can see it, he´s feeling the girth, his eyes reflects the desire, measuring with his fingers what´s going to be inside him. I let him, and I concentrate in the touch and in moaning because I can see how much he likes it, not that I can retain them, neither can he, but his are a delectable answer to mines. We kiss again as a sweet preamble to the completion of our desires. Licking the remaining saliva in his mouth when we break apart, he bend himself again, flat on the table and the feet firm on the floor. I lean over him, rubbing the head of my lubed member along his entrance. — I´m sorry Osomatsu — I said gripping the base of my cock with one hand and spreading him with the other — you deserve better, much better than this, you deserved to do this in a bed, with music, candles, privacy, with time, so we can explore each other more than what we did — pushing myself forward I start to feel the tight opposition his body is doing despite being so stretch, and he holds his breath — and I will do it, I promise, but you were asking for this, and I couldn´t deny one more thing to you, I have done that plenty already — applying more force in a thrust my head entered, he cried and I groan — I´m sorry — I try to catch my breath, the warmth inside and the pressure around my cock is crazy marvelous — that our first time is like this… ah… but I´m going to compensate you in a life time — with the same but louder squelching sound I slid in him until I´m completely sheathe to the brim and hold my ground as he moans constant in intermittent gasps of voice and whines. Until he relaxed enough to speak.  — It´s fine, you know? — he said with a vanished voice as cracked gasp interrupted his speech — this was one of my fantasies, our first time in here… we´ll had time later… now please… fuck me, I can´t take it anymore… Choro-sensei fuck me! Choromatsu please fuck me! This guy has no shame, never, despite the moment he´s infinite cocky. I love the sound of my name in his breath so I give a hard thrust after pulling, I want to hear him yell a little, making him loose his mind cry my name as a confirmation of my existence in him. I know it´s happening when he starts to scream in ecstasy. A pathetic cry echoed in his mouth as our bodies were clashing with more stability and rhythm, the sound of my hips against the round of his ass was incredible erotic. His hole is so tight and warm. I love it, I have never thought of doing anal sex before, I believed it was something that wasn´t for me, but dear Lord I was missing this amazing feeling. The table squeaking bellow us with each aggressive trust, pushing him harder and further against the furniture. I nearly waver in a certain high pitch wail, almost a pain scream, but I rammed harder in him after hearing his contained moans as he said “yes, harder, more, more”. — Sensei, ah! Sen…ngh, wa… wait — he tried to speak suddenly, his voice was drowning in his throat with every thrust. But I heard “wait” so I lowered my pace and he pulled air desperately — can, can we switch position? — …sure — I answered no more composed than him. With a soft “pop” he breaks off, laying on his back and taking his knees with him he opens for me, it´s a perfect elevation due the table. And pushing again inside him he gasp. Now I could ram with more force and it seems with more accuracy hitting his prostate too. — Feels so big, and, ah! Good. — He pushes me down with his hands, and his nails are starting to leave marks on my back trying to hold desperately at something, but I love this feeling, this tight grip and he wildly wounding my spine. We grunt together, gasp and cry. We kiss impetuously as I keep my pressure inside him rolling my hips to help his pleasure. Supporting my body with one arm I travel down to grab his unattended cock, he cries and arches at the stroke — Fuck… no! — he´s showing a little fear in his face, but I know this type, he´s feeling too good he can´t believe it, so I start rubbing his skin. — Sensei, sensei, ah, fuck… fuck, Choromatsu! — His voice is cracking every time I forcefully hit his insides meeting the strokes on his member. Sincerely I don´t think I can last much longer, it´s been so long since the last time I did it, and this dumb boy is stupidly sexy and tightening around me blindingly. I´m not that strong, I can feel my muscles getting tense, and the goosebumps announcing my incoming orgasm. The sweat in our bodies are making the air colder, and at the same time we burn intensely at each clash of our bodies. His whole body is wet, his hair is sticking to his forehead. My skin burns under his touch, and I melt his with my fingers. I adore his touches, how he trails the sweat in my chest with his palm catching the drops that are not throw to his torso with the force of my assaults. The heat is building in my belly and I can see his body twitching, my glasses are getting foggy with the high temperature between us. He took a minute to remove them with shaky hands, placing them above his head on the table, he grabs my neck consequently, burying me in his. I can endure a little bit more, I want to. — Hold yourself — I said referring to his cock, as I need to take his hips with my both hands to shift him a little and lifting them just a bit more, he throws his hands to his sides completely at mercy of my decision and denying my petition, but that is also ok. He´s flat on his back, his hips on my hands and I give my all. When he starts to scream nonstop, yelling my name over and over I know I was right, I´m hitting his sweet spot with every thrust like this. I grit my teeth in an attempt of enjoy this feeling, but my orgasm is near, I can feel it and I can´t do anything else but say his name on a desperate cadence. — I´m coming! — We both say; I groan and he cry. I double the pace and effort, lunging desperately in him, feeling my orgasm closer with every trust, and just a second before my release I pull out of him squeezing my dick tight in my hand smearing over his cock and belly with my semen, and the culmination is greater when I see him finally pumping himself furiously, adding more spunk at his stomach. We were breathing difficulty minutes after we finished, I flopped over the table, next to him, lazing resting my arm across his chest. That was great, I don´t remember last time the sex felt so good. I don´t even know if it supposed to feel this great actually. — Ow man… — he says twisting his head to look at me — I really wanted you to come inside me. — Ah!? Osomatsu! — How does he do it? How he manage to say a phrase out of place to make me angry — are you crazy? I can´t let you go back your home with a stomach ache. — Aaah… but you can let me go walking weird, I don´t think I can stand up… my back hurts, and everything else too — he laughs tiredly. Ugh. I sighed. — I think they keep tissues behind the main desk — I walk away from him and my memory didn´t fail me, I took some and return to him. After helping him clean up I put myself at the task to pick up all our clothes, after assisting him to dress I proceeded with myself. We have now a pile of dirty tissues at our side and I have a spacing out Osomatsu, deeply looking at the ceiling. — What are you thinking? — He is still on the table, with the legs open, the hands dropped between them, and the back hunched. With a solemn expression he turns to me, locking his eyes to mine — I´m sorry I just… it´s been so long and this feels so unreal, even after what had just happened. I´m really afraid to ask this, but, are we going to date? Are we going out from here? He´s insecure, but of course he will be insecure, we yelled at each other, I told him cruel things all this time and barely made an apology. Making room for myself I sit next enfolding him. — You really are a mess aren´t you? — Huh? — First you shamelessly said “fuck me” now that your hormones had calmed down is when you ask what are we? — I had you so close, and I´ve been waiting for too long, you can´t blame me. — I probably can´t — turning his head to my side I tilt my head to fit in his lips, and he responds in kin. Breaking the kiss I stare to his eyes, I started to smile before the words came out of my mouth — do you want to go out with me? A minute, probably two, was what he took to analyze what I have just asked him, then clinging to my coat he buried his face in my neck — Of course I want… — Good. — Can´t believe it… — he whispers as he hugs me more tightly — so, I can kiss you whenever I want? — As long as we are not in school, please Osomatsu, be really careful with that, if someone finds out… — I know. I´m not that stupid. I´m not going to screw up the chance to be with you. — He made a pause as if he was waiting for his words to be more true by waiting, but soon after he starts nuzzling in my shirt — So… do you like me? — Yup, pretty much. — I like you too you know? — Yes, I know. Thank you. I stroke his back, trying to calm him down. — Hey… — he clings to me already chuckling and I know he´s plotting something. — Mmhh? — Can I put it in you some day? I laugh — Of course — I answer honestly because, yeah why not. — When you´re older. — Ok, sounds fair. — Wow, I thought you were going to pout. — Nah, I like being held by you, I just, someday I want to be able to hold you, like no one else will, just the way you did today. — Quoting you: sounds fair. We both giggle as I start kissing his cheek and can´t contain a furtive cares with my lips into his neck, I love his skin, his smell, and I want to have him with me, always. — Ah. — He said with a neutral amaze. — I´m getting hard again, this is not good, you should stop. I snort in his neck. — Ok, let´s go, you just need to walk to my car, you can do it right? — Yup but, Are you taking me home? — Unscrupulously he grabs the pile of tissues pushing it inside his pocket. — Definitely no, I´m taking you to mine, you can call your house from my apartment. — Seriously? Can we do it again later then? — rubbing the underside of his nose he smiles at me, sheepishly. — If you put me in the mood. — Piece of cake, I just did it, and we were supposed not to, so now that I can have my way, I´m going to let you dry by the end of the week. You´re quite the easy to turn on despite being a twenty six years old grown up man. He´s tasting my limits again, right? What was the purpose of that comment if not? He´s making fun of my body, my rather loose sexuality, because I know what I am, but him discovering it this fast is just not good for the type of relationship I want to maintain while he´s at school. — Oh then, I should prove to the child in front of me how I am able to control myself, and that young rascal boys are not desirable after you taste it once taken by a mistake in feelings — I was so happy a minute ago, and I´m so upset in comparison. He jumps from the table, laughing. — I`m pretty sure you´re going to be able to ram your thing in without much preparation later, and more if I take a hot bath, but well, you wanna play a resistance game, I can do it, I came twice, you only once. Shameless, rude, insolent, discourteous, blunt, tactless, saucy, straight forward and so insensitive that´s a burden. That´s what I hate about him, all of that is what I can´t tolerate. He´s so full of himself most of the time, thinking he has the things under his control, despite not being true… But now he knows I love him, and he will make use of that new powerful weapon for the rest of my days, but, what he doesn´t know is that without locks, I can also hit back. Passing my hand through the length of his back until reach his ass I grip it tightly pulling his body towards me. — I can tell you the same then, are you sure you want to waste an afternoon with me? — I said looking at him with the coldest of my sights, hiding my blushing cheeks at best of my abilities — as you just said, I can kiss you, lick you, touch you, and ram in without much preparation, can you imagine? — I kiss his ear — having me between your legs, and why not, If you like you could ride me, I´ll let you sit on me and move as you please. A feeble cry was my answer, but then he blew a laugh — I didn´t know you could be so hot, dirty talk like that was unimaginable for me, holly fuck, I´m sure I´m gonna jerk off to this for the next decade. I laugh too — can I win once? — Eh? — He separates enough to look directly at my eyes, and he´s carrying a dumb face — what does that mean? You won, you have me here all needy wishing we could do it right here in the floor, I don´t know how´s that not a victory. I kiss him with force thanking him for being so prideless — let´s go then. — Yes! Lately I´ve lost the ability to track down my life, now that everything seems so bright and encouraging I look back comparing the hell I lived with someone that apparently I didn´t love, and the way I´m feeling right now is so clear and pure that seemed a lie, I´m not used to this, to feel this whole with someone, and more, I don´t feel like I need to bear everything alone, despite being an asshole, every time I need something I just reach out my hand to grab his, and Osomatsu will smile at me, the same way he did from the very beginning. By the time we arrived at my place Osomatsu was sound asleep for the past twenty minutes in the sit next to me, he really should be tired, I haven´t been sleeping that much either, and what we just did took lots on his body. But ok, we need to move, I wish I could carry him, but he´s too big and I´m too weak. Shaking him and barely awake we get inside my apartment. We invent some excuse, his mother let him go without much talk. We ordered food and watch television. Later we took a bath together, we started the foreplay of a wild night there, as we helped each other to wash ourselves. Without bothering in putting our clothes back, we dried our hair enough to not wet the bed and we did it again, I let him do whatever he wanted with my body, and I did everything with his, for the first time, I didn`t care tomorrow is a school day. I just wanted to feel him and make him mine in all ways possible. Next day, he called to his parents, telling them he was not going to go to school that day, strangely they put up no resistance, it seemed he had earned some type of trust from them, and they were thankful that he had contacted them and blatantly said “I want to rest” which was at some extend understandable, he had been lacking of sleep, don´t want to admit that was my fault, and still he had keep up with all his assignments and scores, so once in a really rare while was ok. His mother was worried also, his dearth of enthusiasm the past month has been obvious, and now he had returned to his standard mood. I know she noticed, for some phrases Osomatsu shared with me when the call ended: she will call the school personally and inform of his absence, and she said “I´m glad you´re ok again”. In my side, I took a fake sick day, I haven´t done that, ever, so my coworkers got a little worried that I was probably dying or so, but at the end, they leave it without prying more than necessary. So that day, we had our very first indoor date. The first of many, many days like this one. ***   The graduation ceremony was beautiful, Osomatsu´s family and myself were so proud of him that we didn´t fit in ourselves, and most, when he was called as the student with best improvement and one of the top five with best scores on that their last year. When the ceremony ended, he took pictures with his parents, his brothers, the whole family and all his friends, and one with me. As he said before, he dye his hair black a week ago, just enough for the ceremony. It´s so weird looking at him this descent. Now, I´m waiting for him, we had prepared a celebration in my older brother´s apartment as Osomatsu´s parents need to take a flight in an hour and they couldn´t arrange anything for him, and we decided together that we all can gather, and take his little brothers with me. Is also a type of excuse, in the past five months I haven´t had the chance to introduce him to my brothers, we were both busy with school, but I have told them everything, and vice versa, I told Osomatsu everything I needed to inform my brothers. I´m nervous, but at the same time so excited. I thought tenth times if flowers weren´t just too corny for a young boy, thought I know him he will love it and I want to do this too because somehow it feels appropriate. I saw him at the distance, with his family at his sides and little Todomatsu in his arms, rushing I successfully hide the flowers in a near flower pot. I walk towards them, to meet them in the middle of the pathway. The parents bow to me once we are at a short distance. — Thank you Choromatsu-sensei — said the mother shaking my hand — for all you´ve done for this stupid son of us. I bowed back — I thank you for your trust. — You are celebrating with them, and making sure Osomatsu doesn´t feel alone in this day he accomplished something really big — the father shook my hand after her. — He deserves a reward for his effort. — Yes, he really does and we appreciate that you´re helping with this. — Um honey, will you give me a moment with sensei? — Osomatsu´s mother addressed his husband and he nods with a smile.   We separate from the group, I was following but I don´t know what she could want from me. My mind is running wild though, thinking of all the things she can say, and one of those is probably me leaving Osomatsu, somehow, some way she discovered what he have and of course a mother wouldn´t want his son to be dating a grown man, his teacher not less. She looks calm and happy, so maybe I don’t need to get worried. — I think this is far enough. — She looked at me with a soft but confused expression — Choromatsu-sensei. I know my boy very well, and I think maybe I can pass some type of advice to you; if you ever feel troubled by that child needs, please don´t hesitate to make him know his place. And do it firmly, so he doesn´t think he has an opening. If needed you have all the right to crush his hopes. — I´m not following you — and I really wasn´t, I try to put all what she told in a context, but the only thing I can think of can´t be, right? — Oh! Ok, yes I understand that this is a delicate matter for some people, but I think I can speak freely for all the time you´ve spent with Osomatsu and… well, the fact that he told us he confessed to you some time ago. I don´t feel anything, my hands and feet feel cold, an adrenaline shot is touring my body completely and my mind is getting empty. A constant buzz is blocking my earing and I´m fighting hard to not pass out here in front of her. — Osomatsu did what? — I stutter against my will. She laughs lightly with blushing cheeks — I´m sorry, he´s like that, he has no sense of secrecy… or shame — she appoints in some type of grimace — he´s transparent as water, we know when he´s not ok, and he had been depressed for the first part of this scholar year. We were suspicious when he said that thing about doing his best and changing courses. His father and I couldn´t believe it was on his own will, or entirely his idea. So we asked, and he told us this straight line “I confessed to Choromatsu-sensei, but he turned me down, and I want to be someone that he can at least care about, so I want to be the best student this year” or something like that. — When did he tell you that? — I had gain my senses back. — Mmh? Months ago, I guess a little before you started tutoring him in our house. And every time he said something about you sensei, paying attention to him or doing something kind, he arrived home smiling and jumping. We tried to talk some sense in him, but he knew he was rejected already, and that boy is so obstinate with the things he wants — she blew some air — but again, this is the first time that he´s going to be, how can I say it? You´re taking him to meet your brothers, he can misunderstood that, thinking he´s special or something, so I thought I should take some preventive measures… I guess. Ok, probably wasn´t the best of my ideas, and I should actually do this with Osomatsu at my side but… — Matsuno-san — I bow as low as I can — I´m sorry but I already accepted Osomatsu and we are officially going out. I´m deeply sorry but I want to be with your son, he had changed my life, I really wish not to lose him but I will understand any decision you make. Silence, that´s what followed my words. — My God… he did it… — was a mere whisper but when I lifted my head she was covering her mouth with one had blush varnishing her cheeks and a concerned expression, but then she laughed, softly like a summer breeze — I can´t believe he actually did it… Choromatsu-sensei… do you love my son? I bit my lip — yes, I do. If possible I´ll like to be with him the rest of my life. — Oh boy… Originally, of course we had something to say about this, he´s our firstborn and we always dreamt about him having children, so when he came with the shocking news that he was in love with a man his father and I try to talk to him. But honestly, he´s so crazy about you that was scary for us. Choromatsu-sense, five months ago, were you dating? Did you fight with him? He looked so devastated, we were so worried. — No, that time it was a misunderstanding… quite — I lifted myself completely — I didn´t want him to fight again, and made him promise me it wouldn´t happen anymore. But he did, I was so worried, and angry, and disappointed that I said some cruel things to him, maybe to make him understand I wasn´t joking about the “no fight” policy we had stablished. But he took it in a completely wrong way and thought that I didn´t want to see him anymore, well I did said it, but… — I get it, he never asked you again… Don´t misunderstand me, this is utterly unexpected, and I´m trying to process the fact that you are dating my boy already — the tone in her voice wasn`t angry, she was really just really exploring in the possibility — but as I just told you, I know him, and I need to follow his pace or I´m going to lose him, do you ever had that feeling with him? If you aren´t prepare for his crazy new ideas he´s going to leave you behind? Releasing the most emphatic laugh I could ever share, I agreed — yes, that´s the feeling he gives. — Mmhmm, and I want to be part of that life as much as possible, if I´m not at home that much I don´t think to spend those little precious times trying to impose an ideology that worked for me. I want to sit and know him — putting the hands on her hips she straightened up — also, believe me you´re the best catch he has had. You should see the person he was after, before you… his father and I were horrified. You really made of him a better person, you put him back into the good path, and now he´s even talking about going to a University? He had never listened to us when we talk about those things with him. There was a silence, it wasn´t awkward she was looking at his son with those eyes only mothers had, full of compassion, love, judgement, hope and a wish for their offspring to have the best life possible. — He took after his father — she said at the end — did you know? His father was as rebellious as him, and do you know what he needed to be a good man again? She made a pause as she was looking at me with a triumph smile — I don’t know. — Me, I didn´t ask him to be another person, he wanted to be a perfect man so I can choose him. Pretty much what Osomatsu did, they look so alike. I´m so glad Osomatsu has found someone that is worthy enough for him to be this new person he is. — She laughs again, now I know where Osomatsu´s constant good mood came from — you know what, I know my boy, right now probably he told his father already, for the type of face he´s making, he´s trying to comprehend what his son just told him, and probably wondering what he did to gain you. And well, my warnings were in vain then. — I´m sorry — I said again. — Don´t be, unless you´re playing with him, then you should be sorry, I can make that a promise. — No, I´m keeping him. — Good. Let´s go, we don´t have much time. Letting her go I part ways with her shortly, to pick the small bouquet I have bought. And as I was getting closer I heard the father. — Oh so it was true!? — He said rubbing the back of his head. — Why would I lie? — retaliate Osomatsu. — It´s fine right? — The mother placed her palm in his husband chest. — I mean if that´s what he wants yeah but…ah whatever, at least he´s in good hands I guess. Puffing my chest out, proud of what I was, I extend the flowers to him. His face drew a shy smile before throwing himself at my arms. — You told my mom — he said. — And you told your dad. Osomatsu grabbed his gift, we chat with his parents for a short while. They had to go, but the father shook my hand one more time and firmly said “take care of him” before saying his goodbyes to the kids. Lacing one hand with Osomatsu, I took little Todomatsu in my other arm and Jyushimatsu walking a few steps from us we went to the car. I was going to present my boyfriend, the man that´s going to be with me the rest of my life to my family. We had overcome a step, and we had one more to go.   End. End Notes Ok, this is done, there are two more stories about these two. Thank you for reading, I´m always here to hear you, or on tumblr as Alfariel or twitter as @Ilus_Alfariel, remember I´m whilling to chat always uwu Kudos are appreciate it, comments too, love, hugs, and whatever you gorgeous people wanted to gave me :D See ya!! Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!