Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1775686.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage, No_Archive_Warnings_Apply
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Football_RPF
  Relationship:
      Daniel_Agger/Fernando_Torres
  Character:
      Daniel_Agger, Fernando_Torres, Xabi_Alonso, Steven_Gerrard, Martin
      Škrtel, Sergio_Ramos, Cristiano_Ronaldo, Mikel_Arteta, Frank_Lampert,
      Nemanja_Vidić, John_Terry, Ashley_Cole, Nicklas_Bendtner, Cesc_Fàbregas
  Additional Tags:
      Fluff, Romance, Angst, Smut, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Fantasy, Creation_Myth,
      Slavery, Implied/Referenced_Character_Death, Suicidal_Thoughts, Past
      Child_Abuse, Parenthood, Dubious_Consent, Explicit_Sexual_Content,
      Alternate_Universe, Liverpool_F.C., Implied/Referenced_Rape/Non-con,
      Implied/Referenced_Homophobia, Humiliation, Implied/Referenced_Self-Harm,
      First_Time, Underage_Sex
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-06-12 Completed: 2015-09-30 Chapters: 26/26 Words: 22931
****** Twenty-Six Little Letters ******
by jarofhearts
Summary
     Behind every letter of the alphabet, there's a story, unconfined to
     time, space, or reality. The constant is always Dan and Fernando.
     Always.
Notes
     All of these one-shots or drabbles were done for the Alphabet
     Challenge going round on LiveJournal a couple of years ago. They're
     all entirely unrelated to one another, and range from entirely
     harmless PG-rated fluff to very, very serious topics, dubious
     moralities, and trigger-worthy stuff. They're also all centered
     heavily around Dan and Fernando, all other mentioned characters in
     the tags only play very minor roles.
     All that said, I hope you enjoy!
***** A *****
                                    Angels
We were holding back the flood, they said we'd never dance again.
Now they'll never dance again.
===============================================================================
We don’t know how life was first sparked, how sun and earth and skies came into
existence. Not how the first blossom bloomed, the first well spluttered, or the
first breath of wind caressed the trees.
We only remember how we awoke to raise our eyes and blink into the sunlight,
how we got up and stretched our bodies, newborn, free, euphoric. In wonder we
walked the planes and mountains of what we had been given, our naked feet the
first to ever touch that ground, from the deepest dark ravines to the highest,
snow-sparkling tops. We explored and played and discovered, some of us the
tranquil power of the earth, some the gentle strength of water, some the fickle
enigma of fire and some the wild freedom of the winds. We chased each other
over boundless green fields and swam in endless blue seas.
Earth was our home, our playground, our paradise.
And I remember it all as clear as day. The bursts of colour. The explosion of
life. This miracle that had been created.
But above all, I remember you.
How you looked at me, eyes dark and clear, colour of the richest soil. How your
hair caught the sun whenever it was out, golden and radiant, and I ached to
reach out and touch it. How droplets of water would roll down your skin, drip
from your fingertips, let your lips glisten whenever you stood outside to greet
the rain, and I would get jealous even of them. How you smiled and laughed and
took my hand to run with me, always so free, uncatchable, unchainable, never
knowing any bounds. Golden and wild as the warm southern wind. And my heart was
filled with so much love for you that I had to look away sometimes to keep it
from bursting.
I remember your fingertips on my face. The sight of you pillowed on a green
summer meadow splashed with myriads of violets. Your voice whispering in my
ear, sweet little nothings, secrets, promises. Your head breaking through a
crystal-clear surface, cascades of water and light. Your skin under my hands,
breezes playing with the sighs falling from your lips, the sun in your eyes. To
me you were like a slender birch tree, bending and swaying and dancing with the
wind. You always said that I was the roots that kept you grounded.
Years turned into decades, decades turned into centuries, centuries into
millennia. Animals started to walk the earth with us, fascinating, beautiful,
unique creatures that we watched with joy. We ran with them, no matter how fast
or slow, played with the kindest and wildest alike, swam with the nimble and
the majestic.
Life was good. And every day was just another perfect day.
I remember the strange feeling springing to life in my insides when I witnessed
the first humans uncurling their bodies, getting to their feet and raising
their faces to the sky – just as we had once done. I remember it so well
because, when I looked into your eyes, I saw the very same feeling in them, and
you wordlessly buried your face against my neck.
An uncertain quietness of a quality none of us had known before lay over us in
the time that followed as we watched in puzzlement those creatures looking like
us and yet so, so very different. And for the very first time uneasiness grew
among us, dimming our once boundless joy that simply living had always meant.
With each year that passed that dull, never-ceasing feeling in my insides grew,
into nagging, constant worry. I feared what was about to come because I heard
the whispers of helplessly disagreeing voices, I saw the reluctantly shaking
heads and felt the slow and maybe inevitable way we drifted apart.
And my heart beat numbed by fear because it happened to you and me.
When you came to me on a day where uneasy winds ruffled the crowns of the
trees, I knew the moment had come. Could see it written on your troubled face
and in your beautiful, torn dark eyes. Was hardly able to breathe.
“How can this be?” you asked, your voice soft and wavering just enough for me
to hear. “When I look at them, there’s no difference between us on the outside.
I see how they breathe and talk and dance and sing while at the same time
they’re so… flawed.”
Your breath hitched and yet you spoke on, your eyes not once leaving me.
“Their instincts are muted… they don’t even sense us when we’re right next to
them. They can’t feel the elements, they barely connect to their surroundings.
There’s no unity between them. They’re capable of these… feelings… that make
them harm each other. They kill without cause… just because they can.”
My heart clenched when you slowly shook your head, your eyes pleading.
“This isn’t right…”
“There has to be reason to this,” I heard myself say, putting into words this
belief sitting deep inside of me that I had agonised over for such a long time
now, and had found that I simply couldn’t let go of. I believed that there was
nothing brought into creation without cause, without having its rightful place
on this earth, even if I couldn’t see it. A belief I shared with many of our
kind – but only about half of us. So agonisingly obvious by simply looking into
your pained eyes.
“What kind of reason could that be?” You breathed out shakily, and I didn’t
have an answer. I ached to reach out and take you into my arms, seek shelter
and reassurance in the way you fit against me. But there was something between
us that had never been there before, something that felt like a rift we
couldn’t close no matter how desperately we tried, knowing that it didn’t
divide only the two of us but our whole kind. And when you spoke on I felt
myself shaking my head even before you were done. “Maybe for once things got
out of hand.”
“No… how could that be?”
“Please,” you interrupted me, came a step closer, your eyes speaking of a kind
of agony that felt like ripping my heart out. “Please come with us, please…”
And I couldn’t look at you, had to close my eyes and lower my head, and the
silence between us sounded like a death bell, the final verdict on everything
we had ever been.
The last thing I heard from you was a soft, choked sob.
You left without another word, and for the first time in my life I was alone.
The time that came was darker than the blackest of nights. Getting used to
living without you wasn’t something I would ever be able put into words. I only
know that I didn’t want to run across our fields anymore, didn’t want to swim
in our seas, couldn’t find even a single smile in me. There was a hole inside
me that felt like ice cold water creeping up to my chest, paralysing each and
every breath. Like a never closing wound, blood pouring and pouring for
agonising millennia.
And throughout that time we who had stayed behind could do nothing but watch
impassively, how humanity built their first civilisations, how they had their
first skirmishes, how they evolved and spread out and proliferated and claimed
more and more space. They built cities and monuments and transformed nature to
stone, they enslaved their own kind and invented devices with the sole purpose
of inflicting pain, they killed and fought more wars, each bigger and crueller
than the one before. And eventually they started taking more than what earth
would give them, and we watched with bleeding hearts how they carelessly
exploited what was dearest to us. Helpless anger rising in our guts as we
remembered how much we had sacrificed because we had believed that they had a
place in this world.
And every time that anger became too much for one of us, it burst out through
the forces of the elements most attuned to us that we couldn’t and wouldn’t
contain. And each time humanity wailed and mourned their losses, and yet they
never really wondered why.
And eventually the day came when our faith, our belief, our patience and
endurance were exhausted. We wanted our lives back. We wanted our home back. We
wanted our kin back. 
We wanted paradise back.
So we rose up and unleashed our elements, not in bursts of anger as had
happened before, but calculated and deliberate, bringing about what mankind
called Apocalypse. Oceans were leaving the shores they had lazily caressed
before, piling up and flooding the lands. Volcanoes erupted, fire and ashes
burning down everything their smouldering tendrils touched. Winds gathered
force of unknown magnitude, ravaging storms and swirling tornadoes. And I
reached for the deep, already quivering foundations of our earth, and with
others of my kin we undid all bounds and shook the ground until it tore open in
rifts and chasms and brought to ruins their stone castles and glass temples.
And through it all I had found a place in one of those cathedrals they were so
proud of. I stood in the midst of their enormous stone shrine, face raised to
the vast dome up above, and watched it tremble. Only a question of time before
it would cave and was brought down, and with every statue that crashed to the
ground, every bit of stone that was undone, a small burden was lifted from my
heart, unfreezing my chest, and I could finally breathe again.
It wasn’t really that my ears picked up footsteps in the furore of thundering
destruction around me, but rather my heart that tugged at my senses and told me
to turn my head. And when I did I saw you standing there, and simply the sight
was enough to heal the gaping wound that had been torn the last time my eyes
had taken in the sight of you. And you grasped my hand and smiled, and my heart
pounded with a joy nearly forgotten, bringing me back to the way our world had
been right at our start, washed clean and carefree. And all we had to do was
clear up wreckage and ruins and start again.
Your face was warm under my hand, your eyes clear and bright, your lips soft
and sweet. I kissed you as the earth shook and the winds rose up, swirling the
debris of the shattering dome around us. And you and I stood in the eye of our
storm as the world around us was reborn.
***** B *****
                                   Birthday
                 I got a surprise, a present that you'll like.
===============================================================================
When he awoke it was with a moan, because the first thing he noticed was the
slick, tight heat around his cock, delicious, familiar pressure, and then, when
he blinked, he saw those warm dark eyes looking down into his own, tousled
blond hair, a smile he adored beyond imagination, and Dan thought he was in
heaven.
“Good morning,” Fernando rasped and bent down to bite gently into Dan’s lower
lip. “Today’s your birthday…”
“Oh…” Dan gasped, hands flying to Fernando’s hips, holding on to him. “I know…
oh shit…”
“I thought you should start it in the best way possible.”
“Oh God I love you…”
Fernando chuckled, teasingly tightening around him, covering Dan’s hands with
his own to intertwine their fingers.
“Oh, you’d better. Come on, birthday boy… fuck me.”
There was no way on earth Dan could have refused, even if he had wanted to.
***** C *****
                                    Chains
             Have I found you, flightless bird, broken, bleeding?
===============================================================================
The heat was suffocating, the sun burning mercilessly down onto his bare skin.
The simmering air was filled with a multitude of voices, a foreign language,
harsh to his ears. He had long stopped looking at his surroundings though, had
buried his face in the crook of his arm and behind his sun bleached, brittle
hair and had tried to think himself away, far away. Away from the dirt covering
his skin and the aching dryness in his throat, away from the shackles around
his wrists, holding his arms above his head, away from the soft, distressed
sounds coming from the girls and few boys around him, away from the knowledge
of why and what for they were being offered up on a platter like cattle.

But most of all away from the men circling him almost constantly. From the
gazes that roamed up and down his body, the rough hands feeling him up,
probing, prodding, squeezing, the fingers slipping underneath the loincloth and
into him, sliding, stabbing, hurting.

He simply detached his mind and floated away to a place where all this didn’t
exist, where he was still back home and where the simple wish to die wasn’t his
constant companion.

Then he was brought back to reality though, but because this time, the hand
touching him wasn’t like all the ones before.

First there was a fleeting touch on his shoulder, and then fingers on his chin,
gently drawing his head around, revealing his face from where it had been
hiding. And he blinked into the harsh sunlight, his breathing flat and
troubled, and then he looked into the face of a young man with short dark hair,
an inscrutable expression, but undeniably warm eyes.

It was the first time anyone actually looked at him.

The man held his gaze for a few moments that seemed to stretch and expand, and
right then he felt more vulnerable than ever since they had chained him to this
spot.

Then the man let go and took a step back, turned and vanished in the masses of
people and he closed his eyes and tried to find his rhythm of breathing again.

When the auction came he simply stood where they had dragged him, head lowered,
and let it all wash over him, the voices shouting out words or phrases, the
slave trader monitoring, the short silence and then another voice throwing in a
bid, the soft murmur of the crowd, the trader sealing his fate.

Finally he was dragged to the edge of the platform and pushed down the four
steps of wooden stairs that made him stumble and fall to his knees in the dirt,
right before a pair of feet that didn’t retreat. But then a thin cloak was laid
over his shoulders and made him wince as it touched the sunburnt skin, he was
drawn slowly to his feet, and when he glanced up he saw the only face he had
really looked at that day.

And something inside of him broke down in relief.

The next thing he became aware of was a flask of water in his hands, and
without even thinking about it he raised it, and the water touching his
chapped, split lips hurt and soothed at the same time. And when he was done and
looked into the young man’s face again where a barely detectable smile had
appeared that made his heart flutter for just a moment, he wondered if, against
all odds, his constant companion would let go of him that day.
***** D *****
                                     Dance
              When we dance, angels will run and hide their wings.
===============================================================================
Fernando was just warming up, stretching his legs, rolling his feet and
shoulders, bending his body in half when the door to the training room opened
and his dancing partner appeared in the doorway.

His heart fluttered in his chest, and as Daniel smiled at him the purpose of
their encounter was momentarily lost somewhere in the space between them. But
when Xabi, their choreographer, walked in only two steps behind, he was sucked
back into the reality of the mirror-clad room, averted his gaze and rose to his
bare feet.

Fernando admitted unashamedly to himself that he was nervous. It was only
logical, there was a lot that depended on what was going to happen in the next
few minutes. This production was going to tour the whole of UK as a flagship of
contemporary dancing, progressive, fresh, unconventional, telling three
different love stories in dance and song, and among them one between two men.
Practice had been going on for weeks, and everything had been going well –
until Fernando’s partner had broken his foot.

Daniel had been one of the newest faces at the academy, and so there was no
one, Daniel himself included, that hadn’t been surprised when it had been
announced that he was the one that had been chosen to partner Fernando now. But
they all trusted Xabi unconditionally when it came to everything involving
their dancing, and that was that, really. So if he thought that Daniel could
learn the routines quickly enough and, more importantly, they’d be good
together, then there was no one who’d protest.

Fernando didn’t know a lot about the tall, dark-haired man with the freckles
dotting his face, but for what they did, he didn’t need to. It was enough that
there seemed mutual sympathy between them whenever they exchanged a few passing
words. What would be most important for their dance and the roles they
portrayed though, was, simply put, chemistry. They would absolutely need to
feel comfortable in each other’s personal space for this to work, to connect
for those short minutes the music and their dance would tell a story. Because
without it, their dance would be just movements strung together and their
connection off like a hyperbola forever trying to reach its axis.

So yes, Fernando was definitely nervous.

“Alright you two, let’s do this,” Xabi addressed them both when Fernando had
reached them and Daniel had deposited his bag, giving the dancers a calm,
confident smile. “Fernando, remember to relax your shoulders, Daniel, facial
expression. And more important than anything: pour your hearts into this. Now
is where it counts.”

They both nodded and Fernando glanced at his partner, his heart fluttering
again like a baby bird unsure if in taking that leap, it would fly or fall. But
Daniel gave him another smile, soft and just between the two of them, and it
reigned in his nerves with a gentle, steady hand.

Xabi turned to get the music while both dancers took their positions, and after
the rustling had died down there was a span of a few heartbeats of absolute
silence. Fernando breathed deeply, head lowered, eyes closed, and recalled the
story, his – their story. That tentative awe of meeting a person that suddenly
shifts the axis of every single one of your thoughts, that sweeps aside
upbringing and expectations and restrictions with one look, with a single
touch. That makes you think you can forget it all and frees you of everything
confining – until the bonds take hold and snap back. And this dance they were
about to do was the most important for them, and for their characters. The make
or break of their relationship – and if they clicked here, they could also do
the rest.

The first soft notes filled the room, calm and somewhere between sad and
longing, and Fernando let them fill him, spread from his head to his chest,
into his arms and legs to the very tips of his fingers and toes, and allowed
them to take up their strings and direct him.

While Xabi had practiced with Daniel to help him catch up as quickly as
possible, Fernando had worked on perfecting the routine he already knew. So
when he danced it now he didn’t have to think about the next move, it came
instinctively as breathing, standing up, arm movement, triplet, spin, torso
spiral, the motions rippling through his body just like through water. And he
was alone, uncertain, torn about what to do and where his choices would take
him. Remembering harsh words and rejection, disappointed, angry faces that made
him want to slump down and give in. But also remembering soft smiles, gentle
touches, warmth and serenity that made him want to throw everything into the
wind and take a leap.

Fernando felt the moment he wasn’t alone anymore like a voice whispering in his
ear, like warm breath ghosting over the back of his neck, and he didn’t even
have to look to know Daniel had entered the radius of his awareness, watching,
uncertainty and longing in his every move, like his hand wanting to come up and
reach out for him but not quite daring to, or the way he looked away and then
back, taking a few steps closer and then stopping again.

But eventually he reached him and Fernando all but melted into him, finding
effortless synchrony in their jumps, twists, pirouettes and lifts, warm, strong
hands on his sides and back and hips and thighs, soft like caresses. And yet he
was pulled back again by invisible strings around the heart, making it waver
between closer and stay away, and when Fernando’s hands found Daniel’s chest to
push him away he couldn’t even look him in the eyes, pleading quietly for
understanding. He couldn’t, couldn’t do this, but when he tried to run he was
caught by arms around his waist, tenderly trying to keep him close, and he just
wanted to curl up in them and stop. But again he turned his back, chest tight
as if lacking air, trying to defy gravity, not understanding why he had to be
so insistent when he tried to keep him away, and they framed the space between
their hearts with a climaxing whirl of moves and emotions in energetic, nimble,
perfect synchrony. And how it hurt to reject the devastated but still hopeful
touches, to slide out of those hands, to push away once more, to shove so hard
he stumbled to his knees and crumbled to the ground, shoulders quivering,
forehead touching the floor.

There they were, one fallen and broken, one standing where he had been pushed
away to, as if an invisible barrier had been thrown up between them and he
didn’t know if he could overcome it anymore.

The knowledge that it was all his own doing kept Fernando weighed down where he
was curled up, and before his inner eye he saw Daniel turn, heart-broken and
hesitant, but leaving nevertheless, because what other choice did he have?

It was a touch on his shoulder that made him lift his head, confusion, wonder,
that tiny spark of hope as he looked up into Daniel’s face because still, after
everything, he hadn’t given up on him. And only when a hand came up to touch
his cheek, trembling thumb brushing over his cheekbone, Fernando realised that
there were tears wetting his face.

They remained like this for a timeless moment, a look in Daniel’s eyes that was
so tender it almost broke Fernando’s heart and left him with no strength to
fight any more. So he stayed on his knees before the other man in silent,
unconditional surrender, ready to offer everything he would be willing to take.
But with the unwavering affection all his previous touches had held Daniel
raised him to his feet, always right there behind him, arm around his waist,
folding him into an embrace of strength and support, and helped his weak,
quivering legs to walk again as the last soft notes of the music faded.

For a moment everything returned to silence and stillness and Fernando blinked
as if waking after a long dream, chest heaving air into his lungs, limbs
trembling. But then the arm around him squeezed gently and he was turned
around, and Fernando, head reeling, looked up at Daniel who was breathing just
as deeply, lips parted, gaze searching his. His hand came up again to cup
Fernando’s face, quickly brushing away the tears, and he asked, “Are you okay?”
And Fernando nodded and reached out with shaking fingers to adjust the collar
of Daniel’s shirt, and then they both looked over at their choreographer,
unable yet to let go while they were still catching their breath and letting
the adrenaline die away.

When Xabi just looked at them with a smile, and then gave them one single,
gentle nod, a wordless, happy sound spilled from Fernando’s lips, Daniel
laughed, and in a simultaneous motion neither of them even thought about their
arms were around each other. And in this light-headed, dazed state of exertion,
the air still charged with emotion, Fernando simply held on to Daniel and
smiled.

Because they were going to be everything he had ever hoped for.
***** E *****
                                      End
             Wir haben immer gekämpft und kein Sandkorn verschenkt,
               und jetzt stehen wir hier und ich bereue nichts.
===============================================================================
So this was the end.

He wasn’t afraid, wasn’t panicked or even nervous. His heart was beating in his
chest, calm and young and strong, and filled to the brink with the life he had
amassed in his years.

He looked over to where his lover was standing, hands bound just like his own,
and let himself get lost in his sight one more time. The features composed, the
bearing dignified, but what he really saw were the details, the curve of his
lips, the serenity of his eyes, the distinctiveness of his freckles, and he
remembered kissing each and every one of them.

Then his gaze was returned, and the softest of smiles was given to him,
private, affectionate, the open ‘I love you’ as strong as it had always been.

There was nothing more to add.

They had fought for what they believed in, they had lived and loved with
everything they had, they had never doubted, never hesitated, never strayed.

And he didn’t regret one thing.
***** F *****
                                     Flood
                    Young love must live twice only for us.
===============================================================================
It should have only been a holiday. Two weeks of getting away from everyday
life, of taking time only for each other, of lying on white Indonesian beaches
and swimming in crystal clear oceans, of a few days in paradise.

It had been morning, the sky a brilliant blue, the sun flooding their room,
their caresses lazy, the sex slow and beautiful. Eventually Dan had left with a
kiss to get something for breakfast since they had stayed in bed too long.

Then the earth had started shaking.

As soon as all was calm again Fernando had called Dan on his mobile, heart
beating heavily, hands shaking, but he had been calmed by the mutual
reassurance that everything was alright. Dan had said he’d be back in no more
than twenty minutes.

It was a glance outside through the window by chance, but it had him freezing
where he stood and his heart stop beating. His mind couldn’t process the images
of the waves crushing upon land and flooding whatever was in its wake, rows
upon rows that didn’t seem to end, foaming dark water that ripped through palm
trees, cars, houses, cutting down the streets, stopping at nothing, and there
was more and more and more. There was no rational thinking, no realisation that
the flood was washing through the lower levels of the hotel somewhere right
below his feet, where it was coming from, what was happening. The shock was
paralysing, numbing, the destruction nature was ravaging too great.

When it was over and Fernando was wading through the remains of the flood,
knee-high water, debris, desperately crying men, women, children, nothing as it
had been before, he was still in trance. And he was alone.

The realisation that Dan had been out here was like slow, creeping horror that
was so unreal that he was waiting to wake up from a nightmare.

Only a part of his mind knew that this was real. It was hell – but it was real.

When the numbing cold lost its grip on him, desperation set in. So deep and
consuming that there weren’t enough tears to cry, that he could only stop when
his body eventually broke down with exhaustion. In those moments all he wanted
was to die.

Hell lasted for twenty-seven hours and forty-three minutes. Then a voice called
his name and penetrated the haze surrounding him, ignited a small light in the
fog around him that made him raise his head. And when it happened a second
time, clearer, nearer, and Dan was suddenly in front of him, battered,
exhausted, dirty, the tiny light exploded in bright cascades and washed over
him in another wave of shock.

When they were clinging to each other there in the wake of the destruction that
was too much for heart or mind to put into words, the tears were coming again,
wracking his body and washing away the dirt on his face. Only this time it
wasn’t because his life had been taken, but given.
***** G *****
                                   Gummibears
               You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream.
===============================================================================
Dan had to bite his lower lip to keep his grin in check as he watched Fernando
who was rummaging through a pack of gummibears, a frown on his forehead.

“You can just rearrange them? If it’s smaller it should fit,” Dan proposed but
his lover was already shaking his head stubbornly.

“No no no, I just need two… ah, one more. Hold still, you’re going to fuck it
up.”

Dan snorted and received a dark glare as his stomach twitched. “Okay. Sorry.
Stop making me laugh then.”

“I’m not doing anything to make you laugh,” Fernando started to protest but
then drew a last red gummibear from the pack with a victorious, “Ha!”

With a wide grin lighting up his face he placed the gummibear in line with the
others on his lover’s stomach and chest as the peak of the heart he had formed,
making it complete.

“You’re adorable,” Dan shook his head with a smile. Fernando huffed and shifted
closer for a kiss.

“Shut up and let me eat that off you.”

“Feel free not to let me stop you.”
***** H *****
                                     Hands
             Every man has a place, in his heart there's a space,
                   and the world can't erase his fantasies.
===============================================================================
There was no doubt at all that what connected them most were Daniel Agger’s
hands.

Not surprising, really, since they were his working tools, the ones that were
working magic on Liverpool player’s calves and thighs and occasionally backs,
finding knots and tensions as if on instinct, kneading them with gentle
pressure until you felt like floating.

At least that’s how it was for Fernando.

And since the young physio had started his job, it was getting increasingly
hard for Fernando to attend the sessions – because that actually applied to
every sense of the word as the striker had been forced to admit to himself in
private mortification. So even though Daniel was an awesome person to be
around, polite, even-tempered, always ready for a smile, a quiet joke or a
serious conversation, Fernando found it hard to look him in the eye anymore.

He rather lay on the table and had his own closed, biting the inside of his
lip, and tried not to concentrate on the warm skilled hands massaging the
insides of his thighs.

“Are you alright?” Daniel’s quiet voice startled him into opening his eyes
again, and he saw the young man watching him without stopping his
ministrations. “You seem to get tenser by the week.”

“No!” was the first thing that escaped Fernando before he realised it didn’t
make a lot of sense to claim that. “I… I mean… I don’t know,” he mumbled,
burying his face in the crook of his arm to hide his embarrassment, silently
thanking the fact that he was lying on his front.

Daniel was silent after that and Fernando tried to breathe deeply and evenly,
but those hands were too near his very sensitive areas, and only about a minute
later he was near crying in frustration.

He imagined what would happen if he sat up after they were done and wrapped his
towel around his waist without trying to hide what this did to him. If Daniel
would be shocked, or surprised, embarrassed, indifferent or disgusted. And what
would happen if he just forgot himself, walked those three little steps into
Daniel’s personal space and crushed their lips together how he yearned to. If
maybe, just maybe, there was a chance that his kiss would be returned, maybe
with just as much force and pent-up frustration and desire. Maybe those
wonderful, divine hands would find his sides, his hips, would lift him up onto
the table and spread his legs to step between them, would slip under the towel
and undo it. Maybe the tips of his fingers would find the opening between his
cheeks and tease and press until they slid inside, and maybe his thumb would
trace his lips and he could wrap them around it, sucking in tune to the force
of the fingers inside him, and maybe he would shudder and whimper and beg as
those fingertips would rub his spot and he would spread his legs a little
wider, not caring if this made him look like the world’s biggest slut while
he’d fumble with Daniel’s belt and…

“Fernando.”

He jerked almost violently, gasping for breath as he became aware where he was
and what was happening.

Fernando’s face was burning as his gaze fell on Daniel who was looking at him
with the mildest frown of confusion and he immediately had to look away again.

“We’re done. Are you really okay?”

“Y-yes… yes,” Fernando stuttered, lowered his head, turned away and haphazardly
wrapped the towel around his waist. “I… sorry…”

There was a moment of silence where everything he could hear was his own heart
rushing in his ears.

“Fernando.”

He turned almost on instinct. And realised that all it would take was three
little steps.
***** I *****
                                   Ice Cube
       Your love is like ice on fire and the flame is getting higher, 
                      and you know we're gonna surrender.
===============================================================================
If anyone ever asked them what had brought them together, both Dan and Fernando
would grin and say that it was ice cubes.

It was ice cubes that brought them their first real conversation, non-sensible
as it might have been. When they both sank into their barrels of ice water
after one of their first matches, shivers racing over their skin, and a small
but heartfelt Spanish curse fell from Fernando’s lips, Dan laughed out shortly
and looked over at him.

“Cold, right?” he asked, just enough for the blond to understand him. And
Fernando wanted to answer, he really did, but the ice had seemingly frozen his
brain and there wasn’t a single word in English coming to him. So all that he
could offer was an agreeing “Uuughh,” shaken by a shudder. But it was enough
for Dan to grin in understanding.

It was ice cubes that brought them their first alone time together, weeks,
almost months later. Stevie was throwing a team-party, and when they ran out of
ice for the drinks and Dan offered to get some more, it was a reflex for
Fernando to say he would come too.

They started talking when they were alone and didn’t stop even when they had
completed their task and the party had swallowed them up again, no matter the
difficulties and misunderstandings and involuntarily funny moments the English
language brought them.

When they kissed for the first time all that was on their tongues was fruity
sweetness of cocktails and numbing cold of ice cubes.

So when their first anniversary came, marking one year of riding out any storm
together, and they met in bed for a whole night of saying ‘thank you’, it
didn’t really surprise either of when both brought along cubes of frozen water.
They simply shook their heads and laughed and gladly took up the challenge of
doing the importance of those ice cubes justice.
***** J *****
Chapter Notes
     Please heed the warnings in the tags.
                                     Jump
              Somewhere out there you lost yourself in your pain,
                you dream of the end, to start all over again.
===============================================================================
Dan had always known that Fernando was different. From the moment the door of
their classroom had opened and their teacher had introduced the new student,
shaking Dan out of his early morning daze in the process, he had known.

First he had noticed the little things. The accent and the careful way he
pronounced each word as if the language was a foreigner to him he had yet to
become comfortable around. How shy he was, that he barely ever spoke if not
asked a question, that he didn’t hold any gaze for much more than a few
moments. That most of the time he politely declined any invitations to parties
or get togethers he received in spades, unsurprisingly with a freaking
beautiful face like that. Dan hadn’t been the only one to notice that right
away.
But even though Fernando had always kept to himself and shied away from others,
Dan had managed to draw smiles from him in class after the usually empty seat
next to him had been filled by that new boy he soon found he couldn’t stop
thinking about.

And slowly but surely, Fernando had warmed to him. Had started talking to him
outside of class, in his quiet, measured, careful way. Had reluctantly agreed
to come with them to a club once, silently and unobtrusively staying close to
Dan at all times. Had invited Dan to his small dorm room where he lived all
alone because he didn’t have any family. And they had talked and smiled and
grown closer, and Dan had fallen in love.

He had always known that Fernando was different. And that the reason had to be
in his past because he never, ever talked about it.

Now he was standing on a rooftop, the wintery cold evening wind tearing at his
clothes, but what froze him right to the bone and squeezed his heart in fear
and horror was seeing Fernando there, right at the edge, a slender, shivering
figure before a dark abyss.

“Fernando. Nando… Please get away from there.”

“Why should I?” The wind was ripping the quiet words from Fernando’s lips,
making it hard to understand them. “I thought I could just… stop. Change
countries, the colour of my hair, get a new haircut, you know? God, how naïve…”

“No, no, it isn’t,” Dan shook his head, trying to stay calm, not to listen to
the panic sitting in his chest. “Come on, you don’t really want to do this…”

“Oh, I don’t? Funny. Doesn’t feel like it.”

The dark-haired teenager bit his lip, forced himself to breathe.

“I know there are things you want to do, to see. What… what about those cliffs
in Cornwall you told me about, or Venice, or, or… see a match in Anfield. Don’t
tell me you don’t want that anymore?”

“But that really doesn’t matter, does it?”

The almost thoughtful, wistful tone in Fernando’s voice brought sharp, hot
tears to Dan’s eyes. He didn’t allow them to spill though, he had to
concentrate, to find a way to…

A short, dry laugh reached his ears.

“I believed them when they told me I could be a whole new person, you know? New
life, new identity and all…”

“But you are! Nando, please, you…”

“You don’t know a thing about me, Daniel!”

The interruption was sharp, loud, and he winced as Fernando’s dark eyes bore
into him.

And that was the moment, wasn’t it? The one where he should reveal what the
psychotherapist who had been Fernando’s contact person since he had come here
had hinted at not even an hour ago after Fernando hadn’t shown up when they had
wanted to meet and they had started to worry. The things that, however vague,
had instilled wordless terror in him.

Dan took a deep breath and willed himself not to tremble.

“Yes, I do.”

Fernando only looked at him with disbelieving eyes.

“… you do.”

His palms were getting clammy. It wasn’t like he hadn’t suspected something.
Like that one time they had accidentally fallen asleep on Fernando’s bed, Dan
had later switched off the light half-asleep and had dozed off again with his
arm loosely around the blond’s waist. And in the middle of the night Fernando
had jerked awake, away from him, and when Dan had hurriedly switched on the
light again there had been a kind of disoriented panic in his eyes Dan would
never forget. Or the first time Dan had brought him off, so, so gently, so
carefully, but Fernando couldn’t close his eyes even for a heartbeat.

It probably was a miracle Fernando had let that happen at all.

“She… Sarah, she told me, because we were worried. When we couldn’t find you.
About…” Dan tried to explain, but the look in Fernando’s eyes made him fall
silent.

“You know? Oh, that’s beautiful”, Fernando laughed, a desperate sound. And what
he said when he spoke on just made the nightmare complete. “But I think you
still don’t understand. Unless she’s told you how they took me after my parents
died in a car crash when we were on holiday, when I was five years old, how
they fed me lies, beat me, locked me up for days, how they seek their sick
little pleasures in raping children, passing them around and earning money with
them, for endless fucking years, as if they’re nothing more than toys… Did she
tell you how I cut open my wrists two years ago, finally, and only then got
away from it? And I’ve been taken to this whole new country, and they said that
I could build myself a whole new existence, go to school and be normal, and I
believed them, until some of those guys came along today who still recognized
me, and guess what, they thought they could still…” Fernando’s voice was
finally breaking, but it couldn’t add any tears to the ones that were already
running down Dan’s face. “So do you want to see the bruises on my wrists, legs,
hips, if you already know about that? Cause I think you still don’t have a
fucking clue.”

The wind was still tearing at them and Fernando was swaying a little, as if his
strength was wavering, and Dan couldn’t breathe.

Right then he would have taken that jump for Fernando if it would ever make any
difference.

As it was though, he drew in a shaking breath, took another step forward and
slowly offered up his hand.

“You’re right. I have no idea, how could I. Just… please don’t make me watch
you kill yourself, or I might want to jump right after you.”

His voice was trembling, and there was a soft, choked sound coming over
Fernando’s lips. He didn’t move, but Dan didn’t lower his hand either.

“Please, I’m begging here. I just want you to get away from that edge. I… I
want to go to Anfield with you. I want to take you to Venice… I want to make
you smile, because it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I want to be
there for you. I…”

Oh God, I’m so in love with you.

“Fernando, please… please…”

His heart was pounding so hard in his chest he could barely hear the wind
howling around them. His outstretched hand was cold, almost numb, and he
couldn’t look away from Fernando’s eyes, dark, broken orbs spilling over with
tears, couldn’t even blink for fear of losing him in right that moment.
Pleading silently because there simply were no more words.

And then there was a sharp sob coming over Fernando’s lips, and Dan’s heart
stopped as he thought he would take that one step forward after all.

Until a warm hand was grasping his own, clinging, holding on, and he swore to
himself he would never, ever let go.
***** K *****
                                      Kid
  You are as gentle as the morning dawn, torment can't wash away your grace.
   In search of angels with the Uist eyes, so many suns light up your face.
===============================================================================
“Dan!”

“Yes?”

The wind was cold, and the dark-haired figure was grateful for the thick fur
coat he could wrap around himself to fight the wind off at least a little.

“The captives…”

“Right.”

The young clan leader nodded and followed the other man past a few stone huts
where men and women of his clan were kneeling and dividing the spoils of their
pre-winter raid. Dan knew how much it would hurt the other clan, but first and
foremost he had to think about his own, how to get everyone through the winter.
If that other clan would reach that goal he didn’t even allow himself to think
about.

Two men and one woman were kneeling in the thin grass on the ground, she with
her gaze lowered fearfully, one of the men looking around in visible anger. But
the second one – blond, tousled hair, freckles – didn’t look like he would
immediately charge at Dan if he could, his gaze wandering around attentively
and suspiciously. Dark eyes?

Dan’s gaze stopped in bewilderment on the eyes of the young man. Vikings had
fair eyes, both the light and dark haired, but this kind of dark brown he had
never seen before. Still the clan leader pulled himself out of his thoughts
rather quickly and let his gaze wander over the other two.

“He can help out on the hunt, we still need supplies. Kjartan…” A young man
from his clan raised his head and looked over at him questioningly. A friendly,
gentle soul. “You take care of her,” Dan pointed towards the girl with a nod of
his head and watched how a puzzled expression flickered over Kjartan’s face,
but he nodded. And finally his gaze turned again to the dark-eyed, shivering
boy – mostly because of cold and not fear, Dan could feel that. No wonder since
he barely had clothes on him, nothing more than linen shirt and trousers, no
warming fur like the rest. “Give him something to dress,” the clan leader
ordered and then, without thinking, “Then bring him to me.”

He didn’t care if anyone wondered about his words, just turned around and to
the inspection of the captured weapons. All the while though this pair of dark
eyes ghosted through his head, this colour he had never really seen before…

Dan didn’t even know how much time had passed when he entered his hut, tired
and worn out by the cold day that was fading by then. Carelessly he threw his
thick fur coat to the side, shivered for a moment and knelt down next to the
fireplace where newborn flames were flickering soon. Satisfied he turned around
and flinched violently, his hand flying to his weapon, but in the next moment
already he chided himself a fool.

Entirely motionless the blond boy sat against the opposite wall, legs drawn to
his torso, and only watched him with those attentive eyes.

“Hell, tell me you’re sitting there,” Dan growled and relaxed again. He knew
that the other probably didn’t understand him well, the dialects between their
language sometimes varied even among neighbouring clans. And true enough, the
dark-eyed boy didn’t answer, only looked at him, and Dan noticed that he did
wear more than before and had stopped shivering.

With a sigh Dan turned away, sat down on his fur bed and reached for bread and
the piece of smoked meat he had been brought. And even though he had to be
hungry, the boy hadn’t touched any of it – by hindsight it surprised Dan
considerably, and even while he bit off a piece of bread his eyes found the boy
again whose gaze still closely followed his every move. For a few moments he
ate in silence, then raised his hand with the piece of bread in it.

“Hungry?”

This time he obviously understood him because he nodded slowly, and the tip of
his tongue appeared for a moment to flicker over his lips. Without another word
Dan threw the rest of the bread over and the boy took it immediately and
muttered something that could have only been gratitude. It was the first time
Dan heard his voice, and to his own surprise he felt the hint of a smile
tugging on his own lips. And they both ate in silence and watched each other,
not suspiciously but rather curious.

When the blond slightly tilted his head to the side Dan spotted, to his
surprise, a graze over his cheekbone that made him stand up as soon as he had
swallowed his last bite. Instantly the boy froze, looked almost a little tense
when Dan came over and knelt down in front of him. And of course he flinched
back when Dan reached out, stopped for a moment, looked into the dark eyes
again and then slowly placed his fingers below the boy’s chin and gently forced
his head to the side to be able to look at the graze.

Somehow it made him angry that one of his men must have assaulted the boy,
probably hit him. But before he could decide what he wanted to do about it he
heard the other’s voice, soft and questioning, and Dan looked at him but hadn’t
understood a word.

“I don’t know what you want, kid,” he answered and let go of him. Again they
looked at each other, almost as if the other would come out any moment with an
answer in a language they could understand. When it didn’t happen, Dan sighed
again and returned to his bed.

He didn’t say anything else, threw his fur over himself and asked himself for a
moment if his not entirely voluntary guest would express any form of complaint
about being ignored like this. Vaguely he wondered if he would try to free
himself…

But when he woke up the next morning and his gaze flew to the opposite wall,
nothing like it had happened. The boy had simply curled up right where he had
sat, his head bedded on his angled arm, and was sleeping soundly. Dan simply
stared at him for a few minutes. And not even when the young clan leader left
his hut some time later and spread his fur blanket over the boy did he wake up.

But of course he was awake when Dan and the others returned that evening from
their hunt and he retired to his hut. He had made sure that the boy had been
given something to eat and would have been able to get some fresh air, and it
seemed as if it couldn’t have been long since he had returned since his cheeks
were flushed, his eyes awake and alert. Dan even thought to see a smile on his
lips when he entered.

“Hey kid,” he said and immediately received an answer, even though he still had
no idea what the meaning of those foreign sounding words were. So Dan only
raised his eyebrows, shrugged and laughed a little before coming over to him.
He noticed with satisfaction that the dark-eyed boy didn’t flinch back from him
when he had a look at that graze this time, and it already looked better than
it had the day before. Dan nodded, pleased, and after he had returned to his
fur bed, the whole previous evening repeats itself almost entirely. He started
to eat, watched the boy, asked if he was hungry and eventually gave him
something from his own meal. The boy chewed on a piece of meat silently, legs
drawn to him, arms as soon as he was done wrapped around them again. Dan had
already slipped beneath his fur blanket, but this time his gaze found the boy
again who had made himself small, fingers buried in his plaid, and he returned
his gaze, looked silently at Dan without straying.

For a few seconds they only looked at each other again and then, Dan didn’t
know either what got into him, he sighed and propped himself up. “Come here.”

But the boy didn’t move, only his dark eyes were questioning and cautious, and
because he obviously hadn’t understood Dan waved him over with a quick motion
of his hand. “Now come on.”

He still didn’t move, but then, a few seconds later, the blond stood up slowly,
gazing at Dan in astonishment, and eventually he reached the fur bed and slowly
knelt down next to it. Somehow Dan had the feeling that the boy still hadn’t
really understood what he wanted from him, so he demonstratively moved over and
lifted the fur blanket a little. The clan leader had seen that the boy still
looked like he was cold, and so this idea had manifested in his mind – why
exactly he did this he didn’t really know, especially for someone who,
technically, was his captive.

The dark eyes widened a little when they saw the slightly raised blanket, but
he didn’t hesitate any longer, probably thinking that he would get this offer
only once. So he slowly crawled under the large blanked that offered them both
enough space and bedded his head unto the fur below, eyes lowered.

Thoughtfully Dan watched him, saw how he already looked more comfortable, at
the same time still tense though, as if he didn’t exactly know what had earned
him this place… what exactly Dan wanted from him. But the clan leader was
simply tired now, drew the blanket up over his shoulders and gave the boy an
encouraging, calming smile, and when the blond returned it, albeit a little
cautiously, Dan closed his eyes.

He woke up in the middle of the night without knowing why because it was still
pitch dark, he wasn’t cold and neither plagued by hunger… confused Dan turned
to his side and saw the pale contours of a face, delicately chiselled features,
more relaxed now, but the dark eyes were open. At first he was surprised, lay
still, looked at the boy who returned his gaze, and Dan asked himself if he had
slept yet at all. He wanted to ask, already opened his mouth, but no sound made
it over his lips. Instead his eyes found the graze again, dark against the
skin, and Dan couldn’t help reaching out and gently stroking his thumb over it.

In those dark, faintly shining eyes he could read surprise, and the boy
muttered something, Dan didn’t understand it, only saw the parted lips, a soft
sigh in his ears, and then he didn’t care if he took the boy by surprise, drew
him close and pressed their lips together.

Dan didn’t even really know why he was doing this, simply gave in to an inner
drive that let him deepen the kiss that the blond didn’t even try to resist,
and Dan didn’t know if he should have been surprised, about the boy, about
himself, about what he was doing there, but then he felt a cool hand on his
skin, and it puzzled him for a short moment because that face and those lips
were so warm…

He didn’t even shiver when they were both eventually naked and he slowly slid
over the boy’s body, and later he didn’t even know anymore if the blond spread
his legs voluntarily or if he helped him along. And in that moment he didn’t
care that the body underneath his wasn’t the one of a woman, and he didn’t want
to stop either, even less when the boy omitted a sudden sound, half aroused,
and he didn’t try to struggle, didn’t even show signs of it, and soon Dan
couldn’t restrain himself anymore, not even when he heard the short outcry of
the boy who was soon clinging to him though, skin gleaming with sweat. His
fingernails left red half moons on Dan’s shoulder, and his choked whimpers
burned themselves deeply into the memory of the young clan leader.

Heat… the boy’s skin was so warm, soft, salty sweet, and Dan simply wanted to
bury his face against the neck, to breath in deep, by now panting breaths, but
sooner than he would have liked it violent shudders ran through the slender,
gleaming body, a pained-ecstatic whimper, twitching muscles, and Dan followed
him without hesitation, let himself fall and lost himself in the boy’s warmth.

What had just happened hit Dan like a hammer and he straightened up with a jolt
as soon as his strength and senses had returned to him. The boy gasped in
surprise, his brow furrowed, and Dan felt a brief surge of dread and alarm
rushing through him.

“Did I hurt you?” he wanted to know, drew a few sweaty blond strands of hair
back, untangled himself from the boy and felt between his legs. A surprised
sound escaped the blond’s lips, half questioning words, then he tilted his head
to the side, evading his gaze, but he didn’t struggle and Dan thought to see a
soft blush on his cheeks. When he withdrew his fingers there was no blood on
them, and he breathed out in relief.

Suddenly he felt really tired, exhausted even, and let himself sink back down
onto the bed next to the blond. Dan hoped that he hadn’t surprised, frightened
him too much, but he’d just had to… With a sigh he looked over at the boy again
whose cheeks were still glowing with a faint blush. He had his gaze lowered and
only looked at him when Dan gently raised his head with one hand under his
chin. He was still so warm…

For some time they only looked at each other, wordless, but eventually the
boy’s eyes drifted shut and he fell asleep only a moment later. Dan continued
to watch him, and only when he woke up the next morning did he realise that he
must have fallen asleep too.

The weak light of dawn filtered through the cracks onto them, and the young
clan leader felt comfortably tired, content and rested at the same time. With a
sigh he turned around, saw the mop of blond hair and the naked shoulders of the
boy next to him, and he smiled, propping himself up on one elbow and reaching
out with one hand to draw it over the strands. They were incredibly soft under
his fingers, as if someone had brushed them.

The boy didn’t move, seemed to still be asleep, but when Dan’s fingertips
fleetingly brushed his cheek, the clan leader flinched back. He had already
been warm the day before, but now… now he was burning. With a shocked start Dan
took the boy by the shoulders, turned him onto his back and felt for his cheek,
his forehead, hot, sweaty…

“Kid? Wake up, come on…”

A soft groan, he blinked, looked at Dan through half opened eyes, a fevery
gaze, Dan didn’t even know if he recognised him, then his eyes fell shut again,
and even when he shook the boy a little he couldn’t bring him to open them
again. Only soft, mumbled words.

“What… what’s going on with you? Come on, wake up again…”

But the boy didn’t react, and Dan only heard his slow, heavy and much too loud
breathing, and he picked himself up, hastily threw on some clothes and stumbled
outside, the only thing he could think of was to get her.

The oldest woman in his clan had taken care of births, deaths and sicknesses
for years, decades even, and her bright eyes were worried when she straightened
after her examination of the boy.

“What? What’s wrong with him?” Dan, who was kneeling at the head of the bed and
had watched every one of her movements, asked.

“I have no idea how long he was up and about out there in this cold and without
warm clothes,” she answered and shook her head with a dark expression. “He’s no
member of the clan you were at yesterday either, Kjartan said that the girl had
told him. Who knows where he comes from, how long he walked around like that.
No wonder something like this happens then.”

“And now?” Dan wanted to know, his thoughts whirling. The boy didn’t even
belong to the other clan? “What’s going on with him, is he going to be
alright?”

She only shrugged her shoulders and proceeded to dab the sweat of the boy’s
face with a piece of woollen cloth, and then wrap him up tightly in the
blanket.

“Who knows. If you want him to live, get another blanket or two, keep him warm
even if he tries to free himself. See to it that he drinks regularly or he’ll
dry up. He doesn’t look very strong, more as if he ran around hungry and cold
for too long. Some hot broth would maybe do him good, but he probably won’t be
able to keep it down until the worst is over.”

He had felt himself paling a little more at each of her words.

“And when will that be?” Dan asked softly, met her serious gaze questioningly.

“Either way,” she answered eventually, “tomorrow morning you’ll probably know.”

She was gone before he had the chance to say anything else, he only stared
after her, and only one single thought jumped around in his head when he heard
the boy’s soft whimper and looked down at him.

No, you’re not going to die, you’re not going to die, do you hear me?!

How could that even be, so suddenly? Or maybe it hadn’t come suddenly at all…
the cold hands, warm skin, flushed cheeks… Dan swore softly and reached out to
carefully touch the kid’s temple.

Even the night before he hadn’t noticed that something hadn’t been right. For a
short moment Dan asked himself why this scared him so much at all, why the
thought got to him like this that the boy could die. Because he evoked the
unmistakable instinct in him to protect him? Because of his large dark eyes,
the youthful features, his soft skin? Because he… had shared his body with him?

Another whimper, a soft groan ripped him out of his thoughts, the boy tried to
free himself of the blanket, but Dan stopped him and then hastened outside to
get more furs.

Restlessly he tossed and turned, now and again mumbled some incomprehensible
words, wanted to struggle free, barely drank and burned up more and more. Dan
sat next to him helplessly, could only wipe the sweat from his face, and when
the sun set and the boy felt even hotter than that morning, his worry was
joined by desperation. The boy lay still now, too exhausted to fight the heavy
blankets, only breathing heavily, and Dan couldn’t bear it anymore.

Outside the air was ice cold, burned in his lungs, and still he ran until he
had reached the stream, came to a halt to lean against a tree and breathed in
deep gulps of air. Dan didn’t want to admit it to himself, but he was afraid
that the boy was going to stop breathing any moment. He knew that there wasn’t
anything else he could do to help him, that his body had to fight that battle
alone, but he didn’t want him to die. Patiently the tree bore the brunt of his
desperate fury, the helpless punches that only made the skin over the knuckles
of the young clan leader break open.

He didn’t want him to die. He didn’t want it.

And the burning in his eyes only stopped when darkness had fallen.

Finally, when Dan entered the hut again and to his relief still heard the heavy
breathing, he had found the calm he had lacked all day, took off his fur coat
and slipped beneath the blanket. When Dan drew the blond’s body into his arms
he didn’t struggle, doesn’t even really react, still burning, trembling,
sweaty.

“No… no, damn it, you’re not going to die!” Dan muttered determinedly, pressed
his eyes close and the boy’s body against his. A soft murmur, half whimpered,
and Dan had the feeling that the boy was burying the face in the crook of his
neck. And the young clan leader slowly breathed out, caressed the blond hair
and couldn’t do anything but hope, all through the night, didn’t find one
minute of actual sleep. Only the boy, so Dan imagined, started to breathe a
little easier with time, and maybe, maybe he was even sleeping a little.

Only when morning had come Dan’s eyes drifted shut and he dozed, the heated
body in his arms. But when it eventually started to shift he jerked awake again
instantly and looked down at the blond. And his heart jumped in his chest
because the dark eyes were half open and he returned the gaze, tired,
exhausted, but in the warm brown there was awareness again, recognition, and
Dan couldn’t contain the relieved laugh coming over his lips.

“Hey kid… there you are again…”

He drew a few still sweaty blond strands of hair back, and the boy mumbled
something and smiled, making Dan pause. “What?”

The smile on the boy’s lips widened and he slowly raised a still slightly shaky
hand to lay it on Dan’s chest.

“Dan?”

The clan leader’s eyes widened, then he smiled, practically beamed, and the boy
nodded, obviously pleased, smiled as well and then laid his hand onto his own
chest.

“Fernando.”

Still completely taken by surprise Dan watched him, repeated the word softly,
murmuring, finally a name to that face that hadn’t let him out of its spell for
two days now.

Fernando…

“You… you’re better,” Dan finally managed to get out, so incredibly relieved,
and when he placed his hand on Fernando’s cheek it was still warm, but not hot
anymore. “You’re going to be alright… you have to be thirsty and… I’m going to
get some broth.”

And already he wanted to get to his feet, but the boy hastened to put a hand on
his arm, held him back with a small sound, and Dan looked back at him in
surprise. Those cheeks were of a faint red colour once more, but when Fernando
momentarily lowered his eyes and then drew Dan towards him to touch his lips
fleetingly and gently with his own, Dan didn’t think he needed to worry about
it at all.
***** L *****
                                     Love
       You are the best one of the best ones, we all look like we feel.
                           You have stolen my heart.
===============================================================================
“… what?”

Dan sighed and tried not to let that look in Fernando’s eyes affect him.

“I love you. I’m madly in love with you, I don’t know any other way to make it
clearer.”

“What?!” Fernando only asked again, and this time his voice slipped higher a
notch or two. “No! You can’t! You’re not sticking to the rules!”

Dan threw his hands into the air. “Yeah. So what. I’m breaking the rules. Sex
with you is fucking fantastic, but I want – ow!” he interrupted himself and
took a protective step back after Fernando had punched his shoulder.

Not that it did him any good. Fernando only followed him and punched his chest
again. And again.

“Don’t say it! What are you thinking?! We’re footballers, and we’re having sex,
that’s already complicated enough!”

“So? I don’t see how it can get – Fernando, stop! – any more complicated. We
can just as well hold hands while we’re not having sex.”

“Dan, aargh! Stop!”

What Dan did instead was stifle any further protest by pressing his lips to
Fernando’s, ignoring the indignant sound persistently until the lips under his
became pliant. Then he smiled.

“Admit it. You think the rules suck.”

“Shut up,” Fernando huffed and punched him again. “This is all your fault!”

Dan didn’t even have the chance to answer. He was too busy having the life
kissed out of him.
***** M *****
                                   Mornings
                     You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
===============================================================================
Fernando hated mornings. He hated having to leave his bed, his cocoon of warmth
and comfort, hated how it took him ages to feel even half awake.

Since he knew Dan, his mornings had improved tenfold. Because now he was woken
with gentle words instead of a harsh alarm, now there was a cup of coffee
waiting for him when he dragged himself to the kitchen, now there were gentle
fingers drawn through his hair and an affectionate kiss placed on his temple.

And they never failed to draw an early morning smile from him, as effectively
as nothing else had ever before.
***** N *****
                                    Nights
  You came to me like the ways of children, simple as breathing, easy as air.
          Now the years hold no fears, like the wind they pass over.
                        Loved, forgiven, washed, saved.
===============================================================================
Soft, calm sounds permeated the silence of the living room and filled it with
warmth and cosiness. The soft light of a small lamp was the only illumination,
sparse, but it would have taken away some of the appeal of the setting had it
been brighter and more glaring. The large window revealed the stars dotting the
blue-black velvet night sky.

Carefully Dan stretched his legs a little more and tried to find a slightly
more comfortable position, but immediately the arms around his torso tightened,
almost instinctively as if they wanted to keep him from standing up. Even
though right now it was the farthest thing from his mind. Without averting his
gaze from his book he stopped moving and relaxed into the comfortable couch
cushions again.

The soft blond strands of hair gently brushed his skin when Fernando sighed
softly and, without opening his eyes, nestled his face deeper into the crook of
Dan’s neck to soak up the long missed scent of his friend.

Dan smiled.

The song was over and for a few short moments it was quiet before the repeat
function made it float around the room once again.

The Dane held his book only with one hand, the other one was lying on
Fernando’s back, and so it wasn’t easy to turn the just read page while moving
as little as possible. Back when they had still read together Fernando had
taken over turning the pages, but some time ago he had given it up to doze
peacefully, his body nestled against the one of his lover, arms wrapped around
his upper body, their legs entwined. And now Dan had to turn his page with a
complicated motion of his thumb if he wanted to read on.

Nights like these were wonderful.

The warmth of the so familiar body lying half next to and half on him, the calm
rise and fall of his chest, the warm breath comfortingly caressing his neck –
it were those things that, if you had to miss them, made days turn into years.

His fingertips drew gentle, tiny circles on Fernando’s back while he was
reading: To come home to where you’re loved and needed is the most beautiful
thing imaginable.

Dan closed the book and let it slide from his hand to the floor. His arms
closed around his lover’s body and he buried his face in the blond hair,
enjoyed the familiar scent, gently lay his hand onto the other’s head and
carefully wrapped his fingers into Fernando’s hair, glad to be able to do this
again. Over his lips came, sung softly, the last few lines of the song, almost
whispered, so near Fernando’s ear that it sent a gentle shudder down his back.

“All the ways of my life I’d rather be with you, there’s no way without you…”

With a smile Fernando raised his head, blinked and sleepily looked Dan into the
eyes. “I missed you,” he muttered.

Dan kissed him on the forehead, then on his lips in a gentle, fleeting touch
before Fernando nuzzled his head against Dan’s neck again who in turn lay his
cheek against the soft strands of blond hair. They both closed their eyes and
forgot everything but the sense of the other’s presence.

Dan was happy.

Nights like these truly are wonderful.
***** O *****
                                    Ordeal
                 Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone
                I hear you call my name and it feels like home.
===============================================================================
They flew to northern Spain for the wedding of one of Fernando’s oldest
friends, a small town right on the coast, the spring sun glittering warmly on
the blue surface of the Atlantic Ocean. The church was old and small, the
ceremony beautiful, and yet neither of them could really enjoy it.

Because people were looking. Some curious, some furtive, some uncomfortable and
some with open contempt.

Dan didn’t really care, because he could just shrug them all off. But he knew
that for Fernando, it wasn’t that easy. Could feel it in the way the hand
inside his own clenched tightly all through the ceremony, how unusually quiet
he was during the festivities, how his smile was shy and his eyes insecure.
Because every time he came back to the so catholic land of his birth, every
time he sat inside a church, the thought was back that in the eyes of his
religion, of so many people sharing it, simply loving each other made them
sinners. And Dan could see how heavily it sat on his shoulders and weighed them
down.

That night in their hotel room he experimentally drew his hand over the nape of
Fernando’s neck and his sides, unsure if it was exactly what his lover needed
or if it was the farthest thing from his mind. When Fernando closed his eyes
and sighed somewhere between pained and relieved, he knew it was the former.

They didn’t say even a single word as they made love, holding on to each other
as Fernando sat in Dan’s lap, legs wrapped around him, clinging tightly enough
to leave marks, faces buried in each other’s necks and hair.

They lay together afterwards, wrapped around each other but neither of them
asleep, and finally, finally the silence was broken by Fernando’s quiet
question that encompassed his whole ordeal, everything that had prevented him
from honestly smiling that day.

“Do you believe in God?”

Dan drew his fingers through Fernando’s hair, then looked at him to study his
clear dark eyes before tilting his head and moulding their lips together in a
soft kiss bursting with love. When he eventually drew back and his hand was
cupping Fernando’s face, thumb caressing his cheekbone, he answered.

“I believe in us.”

Fernando simply looked at him and let out a shaky breath that had been lodged
in his throat.

And they silently agreed that that was enough.

It was everything.
***** P *****
                                    Parents
               I am a magnet for all kinds of deeper wonderment.
                              I am a wonderkind.
===============================================================================
It was the low, calm tune of a nonsensical child song that was filling the warm
morning air of the bedroom, along with soft cooing. The baby’s small body was
resting against Dan’s chest, both of them facing the bed across the room, and
he never averted his gaze even while keeping the little girl entertained simply
with his hands and the tune.

“Ssh,” Dan whispered when she reached for his finger and squealed in delight
and gently kissed the soft, thin wisps of hair on her head, unwaveringly
watching Fernando’s peaceful features. “Let papá sleep just a little longer,
hm?”

She answered with a softly gurgling sound and tugged on his finger while
Fernando slept on and Dan began to hum again, a smile on his face.
***** Q *****
                                    Quiet 
                Here is true peace, here my heart knows calm,
                   safe in your soul, bathed in your sighs.
===============================================================================
Sometimes, despite their often hectic schedules, they still had them. Mornings
where everything was quiet and warm, when the world outside was still asleep.
When sunbeams would fall on the white sheets of the rumpled bed, or rain would
patter against the glass of the window, when sleep released them slowly and
gently from its hold instead of the harsh sounds of the alarm startling them
awake.
Then they would stay just where they were, sometimes blink the sleep in their
eyes away to watch the other, sometimes keep them closed and just let their
hands rest on sleep-warm skin, hold each other and just breathe.

Sometimes they would talk, about whatever there was on their minds,
conversations that could remain quiet, or be light of heart, when they would
touch and laugh and hug just for the sake of it.

Sometimes they said nothing at all. They would draw shapes on each other’s skin
with their fingertips, or trace the marks they had left, both the visible and
the invisible. They would count freckles or lashes, or memorise the shape of
the other’s hand or nose or spine or hip.

One of these mornings, when everything was quiet and familiarly warm and no
word between them had yet greeted the day, Fernando watched as Dan took his
hand in both of his own and let his fingertips slowly explore each patch of
skin, each nail and knuckle and joint and line. And for some reason Fernando
was struck by the thought of how he hadn’t been in Dan’s life yet when he had
smiled for the first time. Neither for the moment he had taken his first step,
or spoken his first word. He hadn’t been there when Dan had taken his first
hits or his first triumphs, and his heart stung a little at the thought of how
he had missed his first time falling in love, his very first kiss.

Then Dan brought his hand up to place a soft, lingering kiss to each of his
knuckles, and Fernando remembered that he might have missed years of Dan’s
life, experiences that had formed him and had made him who he was today – but
that, in the end, it wasn’t that bad.

Because even when he hadn’t been there, he had always just been on his way to
him.
***** R *****
                                      Red
And so I run now to the things they say could restore me, restore life the way
                                 it should be.
                I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down.
===============================================================================
For the longest time, Fernando couldn’t look at himself when he was wearing
blue.

He couldn’t admit it to anyone else, of course not. And maybe he’d just been
blind. Maybe he should have known. But there was no use crying over spilt milk,
he’d made his bed, now he had to lie in it. But when he did, all that he felt
was numb.

Only when the feeling of unravelling at the seams, of disappearing from the
face of the earth, of simply not existing anymore got too much, he took out the
shirt from the darkest corners of his closet, and wrapped himself up in it. The
vibrant red and the white 5 on the back the only thing that filled his heart
with… life.

And sometimes when he wore it, he took out a knife and cut open his palm.

It’s not that bad anymore today. His eyes have gotten used to the blue, and he
thinks it doesn’t look that bad on him anymore. He got better.

He still has that shirt in his closet, and he still takes it out sometimes.
Remembers the lines the knife drew on his skin.

Relieved when he remembers that, after all, he still bleeds red.
***** S *****
                                  Shattered 
                   I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
                just praying to a god that I don't believe in.
===============================================================================
Shards of a mirror, red around the edges. Too many splinters missing, they
don’t fit anymore.

What is it?

A bizarre web of cracks. Red smears on hands.

Bathroom. The shower over there… for a moment water pelts down, steams up the
glass, a luxurious moan.

Not anymore.

Doubt…

Lost faith, uncertainty, distance, scepticism, coolness, loss, abandonment,
disappointment.

Doubt.

A raw web of splinters on the ground. All broken. In the mirror… a hole.
Nothing but wall, framed by a few jags.

Slippery hands. Sweat and blood. A few tears.

Are you serious?

No kindness. No reaction. No smile.

Do you really think…?

Was there ever a picture? Something that fit? A sense?

Must have broken with the mirror. Nothing left. Only a few shards.

No sense anymore.

Guess I have to.

Has never been broken. Cracked maybe. Just a tiny bit. Now and then, a long
time ago. Not for a long time.

But never broken.

Never broken.

Never, never, never, never…

There used to be sense. Has always been there.

But I…

Cuts in those hands. In the shower water pelts down again. Soft humming this
time. Often heard. Laughter.

Not anymore.

Trembling, choked sobs.

Outside the sun passes. Towards the horizon. Unnoticed.

The shards still don’t fit. Red around the edges. Don’t fit. Won’t ever again.

Never, ever again.
***** T *****
Chapter Notes
     Please mind the tags and warnings. Everyone in this is an awful
     little shit. But it was fun to write.
                                     Truth
You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you, you let me penetrate you, you
                            let me complicate you.
           My whole existence is flawed - you get me closer to God.
===============================================================================
“Truth or Dare, Torres?”

Fernando slowly raised his head from where he was lying on one of the divans,
finding that the neck of the bottle was pointing straight at him, and looked
over at Xabi Alonso who had voiced the question.

“Dare,” he said and watched how a smile that he really didn’t like spread on
the other’s lips, too calculating, too satisfied, too smug. A round of cackling
and hooting went through the group of teenagers scattered in a circle across
the room, but Fernando just held Xabi’s gaze and ignored them. He’d always been
able to deal with the dares thrown his way, so whatever.

It wasn’t exactly like they did this because they liked each other. No, in fact
there were a few major assholes in the group of people that was meeting here
regularly as far as Fernando was concerned. But, well. They were the male elite
of New York’s Upper East Side youth, representatives of different schools, and
in a subtle but constant rat race. On top of that they were rich, they had it
all, and they were bored out of their minds. So when together and playing their
little power games they got up to outrageous things they would, if ever asked,
deny with innocent smiles to their parents, but the dynamics in effect here
weren’t something adults would ever understand. It was a ruthless challenge.
Truths were to be answered with nothing but the truth, dares would be acted out
no matter what. Because woe betide the first one who would ever fail.

“Very well,” Xabi said slowly and lazily drew on his cigarette, holding
Fernando’s gaze while he blew out the smoke. “I dare you to let Agger fuck
you.”

The instant the words had left his mouth, there was jeering, leering and
laughter all over the place, only the two parties it concerned reacted with a
simultaneous, indignant “What?!”

Instinctively Fernando looked over to where Daniel Agger was sitting and was
met with a look of loathing that was more than likely mirrored on his own face,
and quickly redirected his scowl at Alonso who looked, unsurprisingly,
completely unfazed.

He had tried not to make it too obvious how much he couldn’t stand the teenager
with the freckles and the tattoos, a feeling that seemed pretty mutual, for
fear of something exactly like this. It was impossible to hide a
certain dislike though, but he had hoped it didn’t look deeper than with Terry
or Skrtel or Ashley Cole.

Trust Xabi Alonso to ruin this.

“God, you couldn’t come up with anything more inventive?” Fernando tried to
play this down, but inside he was seething and it probably showed.

“Don’t be such a princess,” Lampard snorted and Stevie laughed.

“Yeah, where’s the problem? You went and sucked off Ronaldo without complaints
when we dared you to.”

“Yeah, but he’s a slut and fucking easy.”

“Pot calling the cattle black…” the Portuguese whistled and grinned when
Fernando glared at him.

“Besides, Danny boy here is fucking easy too,” Stevie concluded with a shrug at
which Daniel, who had regained his composure by now, drawled, “What makes you
think I’d even want to touch that?”

There was a collective snort but it was Terry who answered with a leer. “Tell
me you’d say no to that face and I’d call you a liar.”

“You’re a fucking pervert, Terry,” Fernando sneered but then looked at Xabi
again to see if the challenge was actually standing. His gaze was returned with
a soft but devious grin curling around the corners of his mouth.

“Come on, Torres. I dare you.”

Fernando clenched his fists and dug his nails so hard into his palms it hurt.
For once the room was silent, awaiting his move even though it wasn’t like he
really had a choice. He couldn’t back down from a dare, no matter how much he
wanted to. And neither could Daniel, really.

So in the end Fernando clenched his teeth, got up and drew his shirt over his
head among the whistles and hoots of the others. He didn’t pause at his jeans
or his black boxer briefs, and only when he was standing naked before his divan
did he look over at Daniel again.

“Get the fuck up, I haven’t got all night.”

Even though the others snickered, Daniel looked completely unimpressed as he
finally got to his feet and tugged his own shirt over his head and undid his
belt before raising his hand to catch first a condom package and then a small
tube of lube Vidic had thrown him with a grin.

Fernando made a softly disgusted sound and turned away, kneeling on the divan
with its backrest as leverage for his hands. He didn’t have to wait long.

“Like this? Really?” Daniel drawled behind him and Fernando’s hands tightened
around the backrest.

“What, think I’m gonna do it looking into your face?”

He could hear Sergio, Miki and Cris laughing while Daniel only shrugged.

“Suit yourself.”

A hand on his back applied pressure and forced his upper body further down, and
Fernando only bit his lower lip, rested his forehead on his forearm and forced
himself to relax. He was determined to get through this with as little fuss as
possible, let that asshole come and be done with it. So he only rolled his eyes
when two lube-cold fingers pressed into his entrance.

“Oh my God, will you get on with it? What do you think I am, a virgin?”

“Nope,” Daniel answered nonchalantly next to his ear but retrieved his fingers
and replaced them with his cock, sliding into him with a measured but fluid
stroke that actually made Fernando gasp for breath as he discovered that Daniel
was after all a little bigger than he had expected. “I think you’re a whore.”

“Oh burn,” Cole laughed but Fernando chose to ignore it and only sighed as if
bored. Daniel gripped his hips and drew back until only the head was still
inside before sliding back in, repeating the move a few times in an unhurried
pace, and Fernando relaxed and just let him do whatever he wanted, didn’t even
really react when he hit the bundle of nerves that made his insides tingle and
his muscles tighten a little. Not even the second or third time had him
worried. But then, as if someone had flipped a switch, the thrusts gained
speed, purpose, force, and every single fucking one nailed his prostate.

Fernando clamped his eyes tightly shut, bit down hard on his lower lip and
tried to shift, but the hands on his hips were holding him firmly in place and
gave him no chance of getting away. So he shuddered and tried to hold it
together but found that it was damn well impossible. Not only was the size and
length, as he loathed to admit, fucking perfect, but the pace and intensity of
the thrusts, the angle, the little flicks of his hips eventually had him
shaking as if on drugs, and Fernando felt himself flush in embarrassment as he
finally couldn’t hold in that moan anymore that had been lodged in his throat
and he realised that he couldn’t adhere to that promise he had made himself.

Fuck you, Daniel Agger!

It got worse when he felt lips descending on the juncture of his throat and
shoulder, biting, sucking, and Fernando tried to shake him off, but his “No!”
was unsteady and ended in a whimper that felt a lot like humiliation. His body
was finally forced into orgasm and submitted, shuddering silently as Fernando
bit his lip so hard that the copper taste of blood appeared on his tongue and
he spilled himself into Daniel’s hand that had found its way around their
bodies.

He panted and tried to regain the control over his body that had been taken
from him, wanting to raise himself up on his shaky legs as soon as he felt
Daniel withdrawing, but before he really knew what was happening, he was being
flipped over onto his back and one of his legs hooked over Daniel’s shoulder.
Fernando blinked in confusion until he saw Daniel stroking his still very hard
erection, slicking himself back up with Fernando’s release.

He started struggling immediately.

“What the fuck are you doing?? I’m done!”

“I’m not,” Daniel simply stated and had no trouble at all putting an end to
Fernando’s sluggish, wobbly attempts at escape and holding him down.

“No, stop it, you fucking –”

“Shut up and take it, Torres.”

And as much as he wanted to answer, he was rendered incapable as Daniel thrust
back into his still over-sensitive entrance and forced a strangled sound from
him, and Fernando wanted to spit out curses, but for a moment their eyes locked
and it all got stuck in his throat at the raw intensity.

He didn’t get time to breathe or adjust or prepare but was immediately
assaulted again with those powerful, precise thrusts that had pushed him over
the edge that first time, and his over-stimulated nerves were responding
instantly, wracking his body and robbing him of rational thinking. He was hard
again in a matter of moments.

Fernando had long since given up trying to be quiet, he could only squeeze his
eyes shut and listen to the almost delirious sounds that were drawn from him,
the rhythm with which he was fucked wild and steady at the same time, sharp,
still ridiculously precise stabs, and somewhere in the back of his mind it
dawned on him that no one had ever made him lose control like that before.

By then he was too far gone though to hate the fact that it was all because
of Daniel Agger. He came again with a choked sob and was fucked right through
his orgasm until it almost hurt and he shook his head and weakly tried to push
Daniel off. Relief flooded him when he actually, amazingly felt the other boy
retreat, and he slumped back in exhaustion, blinking through blurred vision.
And he could only watch as Daniel ripped the condom off, stroke himself two,
three times and finally came right onto Fernando’s already stained stomach.

The blond teenager shuddered and turned his face away in utter mortification.

It was silent after that, only soft, panted breaths echoing in the humid air,
and Fernando closed his legs and tried to drag himself up into a sitting
position just as he was hit with a towel right in his face. When he had drawn
it off and his gaze inevitably fell onto the others, he saw that he and Daniel
weren’t the only ones that had gotten off and that the Dane, standing with his
back to him, was just pulling his jeans back up over his hips.

Xabi was the first to break the silence, and there was that smile again that
sent a shudder down Fernando’s spine.

“Well done, Niño.”

As if on cue the others started talking again almost simultaneously, but
Fernando ignored them and forced his still sluggish hands into cleaning himself
up and putting some clothes back on while the game went on around him, Daniel
obviously having taken his place in coming up with the next challenge. And he
was glad about the brief respite, about sinking back down onto his divan and
giving his body time to get down from the adrenaline high, about being ignored
and entertaining the hope that this was over and done with and no one would
mention it again.

Only that about ten minutes later, the bottleneck was tauntingly pointing at
him again, and Skrtel’s measuring grin wasn’t better in any way.

“Truth or Dare, Torres?”

For a moment Fernando wished he were invisible. And he knew that he couldn’t
take another dare right now, so there was only one other possibility left for
him that he forced out, voice dry and parched.

“Truth.”

He wondered if he had made a mistake when he saw Daniel leaning over from where
he was sitting again next to Martin and muttering something to him, and the
grin on the his face widened.

“So, Torres… give us the truth. Was this the best fuck you ever had?”

Fernando closed his eyes.

There were no words for how much he hated Daniel Agger.

“Yes.”
***** U *****
                                  Unexpected
        So suddenly I found you - to think you were near all the time,
   I've often been around you, I don't know how I could have been so blind.
             Suddenly my world is new, suddenly there's only you.
===============================================================================
When Dan and Fernando met, they were babies on a blanket in the living room of
Fernando’s parents. Born only a few days apart, they had unsurprisingly sparked
an instant connection between their neighbouring parents who quickly developed
a friendship that came with having a lot of things in common as well as living
as close to each other as you can. And Dan and Fernando grew up sharing the
same crawler blankets, babbling to each other in languages only they could
understand, eating strawberries off the same plate, playing Cowboys and Indians
in their backyards, learning to ride their bikes together, scraping their knees
simultaneously, climbing trees, getting in trouble, backing each other no
matter what, and neither of them would hesitate for even a heartbeat with the
answer to the question who their best friend in the whole world was.

Sixteen years after that meeting on the blanket, the Torres and Agger
households met up at the first weekend of summer holidays for a barbecue in the
latter’s garden, spirits high, fathers setting up the grill, mothers preparing
salads, children, the younger batch containing four of them, chattering away at
the tables.

Dan had taken Fernando upstairs to his room with the intention of making him
have a quick listen to the brand new Muse album, unable to wipe the wide grin
off his face that had seemingly taken up more or less permanent residence there
since his best friend had come back from the exchange program just the day
before.

“Damn, everything really is still the same here,” Fernando remarked behind him
while they sprinted the familiar way up the stairs and Dan snorted.

“Nah, I just changed it all back just for you.”

A light shove from behind pushed him right into his room and he laughed.

“Come on, in three months? Did you expect mum to get into renovation frenzy
when you’re not around?”

“Shut up. Three months is long, alright?”

“Weren’t you the one who said time just flew by?” Dan asked, already fumbling
with the CD and his stereo. When he didn’t get an answer for a few seconds he
turned his head and discovered Fernando standing in front of his pinboard, eyes
resting on the pictures messily attached to it. Dan left the stereo without
pushing play and stepped up to his friend, wrapped his left arm around shoulder
and chest from behind, and settled his chin on Fernando’s shoulder to be able
to take up the same point of view.

Various pictures were taking up the space as fond reminders of the past, one of
Dan and his siblings, one of his parents, one of him and his group of closest
friends, one of himself jumping almost horizontally as a black silhouette
before a golden ocean sunset, one of him and Fernando looking into the camera,
heads together, arms around each other’s necks, a crystal clear mountain lake
in the background, taken two years ago when Fernando had accompanied them on a
family holiday in Norway. Dan knew it was that one his friend’s eyes were
resting on.

“It’s still fucking good to be back home,” Fernando finally answered.

“So your Spanish roots didn’t suddenly recognise Madrid as their home?”

“Are you kidding? I’m home right here.”

As he said it, Fernando turned his head around to look at Dan. The tips of
their noses bumped, their gazes locked, and both of them froze.

Fernando’s eyes, dark and impossibly wide, filled Dan’s vision, and his heart
was jumping up to his throat and his head was empty, and he had no idea at all
how it happened or who the one was to close the breadth of distance between
them, but it did and their lips were touching. He couldn’t really breathe,
focussed solely on the soft, unmoving touch of lips on his as if all other
senses had ceased to function, so he didn’t know what they were doing, didn’t
have even the smallest clue, and when the tentative contact broke and he
blinked, looked into Fernando’s eyes and saw the surprise mirrored in them, he
knew he wasn’t alone.

After a moment of staring Fernando released his breath, and it sounded sudden
and loud in the silence, and Dan didn’t know how it happened, but barely a
second later they were kissing again. And his heart was hammering in his chest
because this time it wasn’t a simple touch, it was actually, truly a kiss. Lips
timidly sliding against each other, parting hesitantly, hands uncertainly
touching his arms, the tips of their tongues meeting, and he couldn’t decide if
Fernando tasted familiar or foreign, only of… gummibears.

Dan didn’t know where to put his hands, so they hovered over Fernando’s sides,
his hips, his arms, until they finally settled on cradling his face, and in
return the hands on his arms gripped a little tighter, Fernando parted his lips
a little more and took one step forward that brought him so close to Dan that
their upper bodies touched, and when Dan shifted just a little, his thigh
fleetingly brushed against an unmistakable hardness. The whimper it dislodged
from Fernando’s throat shocked and aroused him so much at the same time that he
had to break away from their kiss and gasp for breath.

And to see that it was Fernando staring back at him gave him, irrationally,
another shock. Because he had never, not for even one second, thought of his
friend like that because it was Fernando and he was just… too close to home. He
hadn’t even figured out yet if what he wanted was girls or boys or both – what
he did know though right then was that a single kiss had set his whole body on
fire and his heart sprinting away.

Dan opened his mouth to say something even if he didn’t have the faintest idea
what, but as Fernando saw it his eyes widened momentarily before he crushed
their lips together again as if preventing Dan from anything other than kissing
him. It was the moment a large part of Dan simply thought ‘So what?’, made him
slip his arm around Fernando’s waist and draw him closer until the length of
their bodies pressed together so closely that only the thin layers of their
shirts separated their racing hearts. A gentle but irresistible pull made him
follow Fernando, and since they didn’t look where they were going they bumped
feet and almost stumbled more than once, but eventually Fernando sank
backwards, his hands clenched in Dan’s shirt and took him down onto the bed
with him, and to be pressed up against each other like that wrought trembling
groans from both their throats.

Dan couldn’t help sliding his hips against Fernando’s, propped up on his
forearms next to his friend’s head, moving almost completely on instinct now,
the little shockwaves of arousal directing him. He felt Fernando angling up one
leg against his hip and fisted his pillow at the simple thought of it, had to
break their kiss for a short moment to take a deep, uneven breath before going
back again.

There was a kind of sweetness in kissing Fernando, and it wasn’t because of the
gummibears, but he didn’t know what it was. But he could have done this for
hours, all day even, just feeling their lips sliding together, their tongues
dancing, tasting, and when Fernando suddenly shifted his weight and used his
leg hooked around Dan’s hip to roll them around, he let him, simply readjusted
and placed his hands on Fernando’s sides, finding warm skin where the shirt had
ridden up. It was an impulse that made him grab the edges and tug and pull
until the shirt was over Fernando’s head and left his hair in a tousled mess.

This time it was Fernando diving right back into the kiss and Dan grasping his
hips and turning them back around, unintentionally coming to lie right between
Fernando’s legs, making them break their kiss for a surprised gasp as their
groins met. But Dan took the opportunity and let his lips wander lower to
nibble on Fernando’s throat and chest while he felt impatient, uncoordinated
hands tearing at his shirt. He gave his friend just a short moment to get it
off, because his eyes had fixed on one small, hardened nipple right below him,
and as soon as he was able to he lowered his head and let his tongue flicker
over it, the first time he ever did this to anyone. And the surprised, short,
but clearly audible whimper it elicited shot to his erection like a hand
closing around it. He tried to even his breathing, gently closed his lips
around the hardened nub and let his hand wander over the slightly trembling
stomach, feeling the contours of muscles under soft skin.

Of course he knew how Fernando looked, had seen him naked even a fair few
times, but that didn’t mean that he had ever really paid attention. But now
that he was lying in the small space between Fernando’s legs, having shyly
fallen open, and raised his head to look up into his face, seeing it flushed,
lips parted and red, breathing unsteadily, and felt the bulge of his erection
under his shorts against his hand, he could only think how gorgeous he was. And
that he wanted… wanted…

It was Fernando, though, who moved first. Without breaking their locked gaze he
unclenched his hands from the pillow next to his head and moved them to the
button of his trousers, fumbling until they were undone and pushing both them
and his boxer shorts over his slim hips until his hands brushed Dan’s and
pushed the fabric into them to complete the motion. It made Dan’s heart stutter
and stumble in his chest and his body so sensitive with arousal it was almost
ridiculous.

Fernando’s erection felt warm and smooth in his hand and Dan couldn’t help
staring because he had never seen him hard, and he looked at the head and
briefly wondered how it would taste. And he hesitated, but in the end it was
his thumb that flickered over it and his lips finding Fernando’s for another
kiss.

If anyone had asked him in that moment – and if he had to be completely honest
– he would have had to admit that he had absolutely no clue what we was doing.
Of course Dan had plenty of experience with himself, had done his fair share of
experimentation, had seen porn and read stuff on the internet just as any
normal teenager his age, not to mention the dreaded Talk with his parents a few
years ago. But he had never done this. Having another body pressed against his,
having to find out what made that body tick, taking care of the other person’s
pleasure. And it thrilled and scared him at the same time, but he figured that,
as long as Fernando was writhing weakly underneath him like this and omitting
those soft, incredibly arousing sounds, he was doing fine.

It was just when his lips had found Fernando’s pulse under the skin of his
throat, was kissing it and marvelling at how he could feel the accelerated
heartbeats, that an idea hit him.

He tried to untangle himself from Fernando and sat up, biting back a groan at
the complaining, unwilling “Dan…” that his retreat evoked from his friend.

“Wait,” he breathed out shakily and reached over to the lower drawer of his
bedside table.

Fernando slowly drew himself up onto his elbows to watch what he was doing as
Dan rummaged around and eventually produced a small tube of lube. As his gaze
fell onto Fernando’s face again, though, he froze.

In his arousal-laden brain it hadn’t occurred to him at all that this had the
potential for various misunderstandings, and he could feel his face heating up.

“That’s… not…” Dan began to stutter, frantically searching for words. He had
simply remembered that a handjob with a bit of lube was definitely better. And
the package of condoms peeking out from where it was lying in the drawer – well
you simply never knew, did you? They’d been there for about a year now… better
be prepared, Dan had always figured. But that wasn’t even what he had thought
just now. And as he watched Fernando slowly looking from him to the condoms to
the lube and back, he thought for one horrible moment that he had ruined it all
now.

But Fernando stayed silent, just looked at him – and then slowly, hesitantly,
reached out, drew one condom from the package and held it out to Dan.

Dan looked at him like Fernando had just grown a second head.

Fernando’s breath faltered and his hand sunk. “Do you… want to…?”

Dan’s head was reeling. Was he really interpreting this in the right way? Was
Fernando really asking to… if…

Dan tried to get himself under control, took a breath and swallowed hard. His
voice still sounded unsteady though as he answered. “Do you know how…?”

Fernando bit his lower lip, and a faint blush appeared on his cheeks. “I
experimented a little,” he mumbled and looked so insecure that before Dan knew
what he was doing, he had reached out and carefully cupped his face with his
right hand, and as Fernando raised his eyes to lock their gaze again, Dan
slowly swiped his thumb over his cheekbone.

I don’t know how to do this.

I don’t want to hurt you.

Will we be alright?

Are you really sure?

I didn’t even know…

But he took the condom from Fernando and was rewarded with a shaky smile that
he returned with all the conviction he could find in his fluttering heart.

What came then was a show of silent communication at their very best. Because
Dan thought he would die if they would actually have to talk about what they
were doing, and he suspected Fernando felt the same. So the blond let himself
sink back into the pillow and Dan kept his gaze fixed on Fernando’s face as he
hesitantly trailed his fingers over smooth skin, letting them be directed by
the look in Fernando’s eyes, the shifts in his features, the sounds of his
breathing. And they quickly led him over the firm planes of his stomach to the
joints of hip and leg and, when Fernando angled and drew them apart, between
them. Dan swallowed but the look in the dark eyes encouraged him.

There was no way to describe the feeling of his slicked fingertips breaching
the small ring of muscles, but the tightness that gripped them did ridiculous
things to Dan’s level of arousal and made his dick twitch maddeningly.

Breathe… breathe… goddamnit, Agger, get it together!

Fernando’s eyes were wide and bright and trusting and the muscles around his
fingers so tight that Dan had no idea how he was even supposed to get in there.
But he watched Fernando shift and shudder and squirm at the end of his
carefully moving fingers, hands clenching and unclenching, and listened to the
small sounds that seemed surprised half of the time until Fernando eventually
let his head fall back onto the pillow.

“Okay… okay, Danny, stop.”

Dan drew his hand away as if on command and not by request, but Fernando didn’t
pause before grabbing the condom and tearing open the package. He sat up to
slide it over Dan’s erection that had reached the state of painful by now and
Dan bit back a whimper, still noticing though that his friend’s hands were
trembling. He wanted to ask if it was because of nerves or arousal but didn’t
dare to. But before he had even closed his mouth again there were hands on the
back of his neck pulling him down into a kiss, strong legs wrapping around his
hips, moulding their bodies together and drawing a rough groan from him. And he
couldn’t wait anymore either, simply let go of his restraint and followed the
impatient cues his and Fernando’s bodies gave him.

The feeling of invasion had his toes curling and they groaned at the same time,
on both parts an audible mix of pleasure and pain. Dan panted against
Fernando’s neck, eyes screwed shut.

“Nando… don’t… oh God, please relax…”

“… can’t…” was forced out next to his ear and Dan would have moved back had his
hips not been caught in a death grip between Fernando’s legs. Instead he
blindly felt around until he found his friend’s hand, and his grip was
immediately returned.

“You can, you can… come on, Nando, breathe, relax, please…”

As if he had needed the reminder, the blond teenager suddenly let out the
breath he’d been holding and gasped for air, and as soon as he did Dan felt the
pressure around him lessening, making him groan in relief.

“Yeah, that’s it… fuck, thank God, five seconds more and I swear I’d have
exploded.”

And suddenly Fernando was laughing, breathless and still a little strained, but
the fact that he did remained, and there was a smile on his face when Dan
looked at him. Fernando breathed in deeply two more times and relaxed a little
more.

“Wow. Okay. I’m fine, I’m good.” After another second of looking at each other
though, he suddenly blushed. “Stop, don’t look at me, this is awkward.”

“What? Where the hell else am I supposed to look?!”

“I don’t know! Do I look like I have any clue? Move or something!”

To reinforce his statement Fernando nudged his hips against Dan’s, making them
jerk forward and both of them moan, and Dan simply decided to kiss his friend
again. Problem solved.

He went slowly at first, hips moving experimentally between Fernando’s legs,
their lips sliding against each other all the while. And by God, it wasn’t easy
to concentrate on anything at all, but he remembered that this was supposed to
be really good for Fernando if he just found his prostate. He didn’t quite have
enough breath to ask if he did though, let alone remember how to form coherent
words, and he had no idea if he had found it or not. But every time his hips
shot forward Fernando gasped or shivered or threw his head back or buried his
fingertips in Dan’s shoulders or whimpered – God, those sounds were undoing
him.

First it was really harmless, just deep breaths while they kissed, but by the
time Dan’s whole body started to tremble from strain and arousal Fernando was
writhing on the sheets and Dan had to drown his outcries in desperate kisses.
And in his head he was chanting come, come, please come already, and when
Fernando’s body curled tight like a bow string before shuddering violently,
Dan's hand on his dick, Dan immediately came with a relieved sob.

He felt his hips twitching in the aftermath, almost beyond his control, and
only the sound of Fernando drawing in breath in a soft hiss eventually made him
stop. His whole body still felt like lead when he found enough strength to roll
away from his friend. With a grimace he fumbled to get the condom off himself,
and after wrapping it up in some tissues from his night stand, wiping his hands
and throwing the ball towards his waste bin he let himself fall back onto his
bed.

And then they just lay there, both staring at the ceiling, their breathing
slowly calming down – not daring to look at each other. At first Dan was too
tired and satisfied to even think, but as he slowly regained his wits he
inevitably realised that one of them would have to say something eventually. He
just had no idea what. What did you say to your best friend you just
unexpectedly had sex with? And for the first time too.

And the more time passed the more obvious the silence became. It almost sounded
as if not just Dan held his breath by now, but Fernando too.

Say something… do something… oh God, Dan chanted in his head and tried to
gather the courage to look at his friend.

“Boys! Come on down, we’re getting started!”

It was his mother’s voice calling from downstairs, dulled by the door, and it
very nearly gave both of them a heart attack. Both boys jerked violently and,
as if stung by a bee, darted up and stumbled to their feet at each side of the
bed. And now their wide-eyed gazes met and Dan heard Fernando exclaim “Fuck!”
just as his own lips formed the same word as he remembered in horror that, no,
he hadn’t locked the door.

As if on command they both started scrambling around the room in a panicked
search for their clothes. While muttering “Shit, shit, shit” under his breath
Dan found his jeans and Fernando’s shirt but no boxers, and one glance over at
his friend revealed that he had just found one pair and already had one foot in
them.

“Hey, wait, those are mine!” Dan exclaimed and without thinking jumped over and
tugged on the fabric. Fernando tried to swat his hand away and they started
scrabbling over the shorts.

“What? Where are mine then?!”

“I don’t know, those are mine, look, frizzed out right here.”

“Dannyyy…”

“Stop whining!”

“Shut up!”

“You shut up. There, I think they’re under your jeans.”

Fernando grumbled but finally left Dan to his shorts, and all this was so
normal that Dan suddenly had to grin all the way through dressing himself.

Fernando spoke up when he was just buttoning his jeans, trying to sound casual.

“Remember… we had this deal about telling each other about our first times.
So…” he added and drew his t-shirt over his head so they couldn’t look at each
other. “How was yours?”

“How was yours?” Dan returned immediately, his heart suddenly beating more
quickly in his chest again. When Fernando’s head appeared again through the
collar of his shirt Dan saw that his face had taken on a soft red hue.

“I asked you first, butthead.”

“So? Maybe I’m not telling,” Dan shot back but gently bumped Fernando’s
shoulder who slapped him over the head. Dan laughed, grabbed Fernando’s wrist
and nudged him back a step until his back hit the door. And while the banter
had given Dan his sense of normalcy back, such a relief that maybe things
didn’t even really change, when he now looked into Fernando’s eyes, he thought
he saw a bit of insecurity there.

And suddenly, unexpectedly, a tenderness sprang to life in his chest that was
unfamiliar to him, of a kind he hadn’t experienced for anyone else. And it
suddenly made it very easy to lean towards Fernando and kiss him. Just like
that, a soft, innocent touch, and when Fernando sighed and relaxed and Dan felt
his friend’s hand on his hip, it was even easier to smile against his lips and
admit, “Maybe it was fantastic.”
***** V *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
                                    Victory
  Running the world, it's the time of our lives, and baby we won"t ever die
                   cause we're the young and we're alright.
===============================================================================
It was late afternoon already, and the sun was glittering in a myriad of golden
spots on the surface of the lake, shimmering like a sea of diamonds broken up
on the edges and spread out for the light to dance on. Only near the banks of
the lake the play was disrupted by four male youths who were enjoying summer
break to the fullest and even though having spent the whole day there already
didn’t even think about going home.

“You’re so going to get your asses kicked,” Cesc announced while he was
climbing onto Nicklas’ shoulders, but that only prompted Dan and Fernando to
raise their eyebrows at each other and burst out laughing.

“Careful, enano, or you’ll have to live up to your words,” the blond Spaniard
grinned before Dan tugged on his hand.

“Come on, baby, hop up.”

Without further ado he submerged under the surface and Fernando climbed onto
his shoulders to be lifted up over the water when his boyfriend stood up again.

“Alright boys, let’s do this. First couple in the water is a pair of losers!”

They started out slow, circling each other like a pair of lions but grinning
all the time, feinting and retreating again until Cesc and Fernando finally got
hold of each other and tried to wrestle the other down.

Their shouts and laughter was carried far over the lake.

“Get him down, get him down!”

“What are you doing, stand still!”

“Hey, stop, that’s cheating!”

“Shut up down there!”

“Oh you brat!”

“No, Nicky, stop, don’t –”

The outcry was cut off by a loud splash and a simultaneous victory cry from two
voices. And while Cesc and Nick emerged again, spluttering and indignantly
splashing water onto their victorious counterparts, Dan and Fernando shouted
out their triumph with unrestrained joy, hands raised into the air, a tall,
joined silhouette before the slowly setting sun, overflowing with exaltation
and energy only youth possessed.
Chapter End Notes
     Anyone remember acroyonsmile's Foursome Stories? Because I do.
***** W *****
Chapter Notes
     This was written way back shortly after Fernando left Liverpool for
     Chelsea. Can't believe it's been that many years already...
                                     Wish
               What can you do when your good isn't good enough 
                     and all that you touch tumbles down?
===============================================================================
Deep in his heart Fernando knew that he shouldn’t have come, that there was a
good chance for his heart to be broken even more. But there was also a chance
that he would find a bit of comfort, of warmth, and as small as it might be, he
had come to the point where he wasn’t strong enough anymore not to take that
chance.
The silhouette of the house in the dark was still painfully familiar, just as
the door bell under his fingers and to raise his eyes up to the small camera.
But his heart was beating fearfully in his chest because he didn’t know if that
door would even open for him – ever again.

It was half past two in the middle of the night that Chelsea had gone out to
Manchester United in the Champions League, and Fernando hadn’t seen Dan since
the defender’s elbow had bruised his nose and crushed his heart.

Fernando shivered and wrapped his arms around himself, burying his fingers in
the soft cloth of his old worn sweater, his eyes still fixed on the camera with
stubborn hope that was waning with each second that passed. And just when
Fernando sighed and lowered his head, his fingers clenching the fabric so hard
they started to hurt, he heard the tell-tale sound of the gate unlocking. And
he didn’t hesitate for a second to get inside, driven by a mix of hope and
desperation.

When the door opened and Fernando saw Daniel’s silhouette in the faint light,
clad in sweatpants, hair tousled, face expressionless, for a moment it felt
like his heart tumbled out of his chest and right before Dan’s feet, and he
wanted to say something, to apologise for doing this, for possibly waking up
Sofie and Jamie, but he couldn’t utter even a single word. So they looked at
each other until Daniel opened his mouth and said, “Having fun living your
dream?”

And the words were like the most perfect vicious punch to the guts, robbing him
of the ability to breathe, and he had to lower his head because he didn’t want
Dan to see that one simple question had brought his weak self-control down and
helpless tears to his eyes.

Maybe he should just turn and walk away and spare himself the humiliation of
being dismissed by the only person he had dared to turn to.

Fernando drew in a shaky breath and already took half a step back, but right in
that moment Dan did the same and opened the door a little wider. A silent
invitation, and Fernando tried not to follow his heart too obviously that leapt
at the unexpected chance he had been given.

The house was silent and dark and Dan didn’t bother turning on any lights as he
led Fernando into the living room. And the Spaniard wasn’t sure what he had
expected or even hoped for, but in any case nothing of it happened. Because Dan
simply took two small couch cushions, placed them in one corner, and then
reached for the blanket that was lying folded over the backrest.

“You can sleep here,” he said, nothing else, voice even and expressionless, and
Fernando thought he had never hurt more than in that moment.

“Okay,” he whispered, choked, buried his nails in the palms of his hand and
tried to keep himself from looking after Dan as he wordlessly left the room.

The leather was cold on his skin as he lay down, the blanket smelling of clear,
fresh laundry detergent as he wrapped himself into it, his whole body feeling
stiff and cold and foreign, as it had for months now. But then he turned his
face into the pillows and was assaulted by that scent that triggered so many
memories and feelings that it felt like he was hit by a train.

And the tears came again, unstoppable this time, leaking from his closed eyes
and being soaked up by the pillow, silently shaking his body as he pressed his
lips together and desperately tried to keep quiet and still.

His chest was so tight he could barely breathe with the simple, crushing, all-
encompassing longing to go home, and it just made it all worse because he felt
so lost, didn’t even know anymore where home was. London, Liverpool, Madrid?
With his parents, his friends, his wife, his kids? There was no doubt that he
still loved them with every fibre of his heart. And yet it felt as if all those
feelings had been numbed, as if some time in that last year he had lost the
ability to love – to feel – as he once had. As if nothing could reach that part
of him anymore that was happiness, the whole world behind a grey, blurring
curtain.

And then there was a hand on his shoulder, a weight dipping the cushions he was
lying on, and Fernando didn’t have the energy to be surprised, or even to open
his eyes, only to turn and bury himself in the embrace that was offered, and a
fresh torrent of tears forced their way out with a quiet, choked sob.

Dan held him while he cried, a wordless presence but comfort beyond measure in
the familiarity alone. And because the tears had been confined for ages there
were many of them, but not once did Dan make any move away from him, give any
indication of waning patience. He simply held him wordlessly until Fernando was
too exhausted to cry anymore. Instead he drifted off into a trance-like state
somewhere between awake and asleep. Dan’s scent, his body Fernando was nestled
against, it still evoked the same feelings in him that it always had: all-
encompassing warmth and safety mixed with guilt, but it was familiar enough to
calm him and ease his breathing to a point of near sleep.

But even though his thoughts had become sluggish, they didn’t stop. And they
wanted out, spurred by this unexpected chance he had been given, and when
Fernando heard himself starting to talk, to mutter dazedly against Dan’s skin,
it was almost like listening to someone else.

“Y’know… I was always good at imagining stuff,” he started softly, and Dan
stayed where he was, didn’t move, but maybe he listened. “How things could’ve
been, a whole life in the blink of an eye. After that first… match… in the
showers, ‘n my nose was hurting like hell, I was thinking… imagining… I
remembered signing for Liverpool… meeting you…”

Fernando sighed, breath hitching, fingers curling in Dan’s shirt.

“Everything was so good… but then I remembered Xabi leaving, that horrible…
season… stupid, fucked up injury… coming seventh, Masch leaving, Rafa leaving…
damn owner war… everything getting worse ‘n worse…”

He had to stop, needed to breathe, breathe, not hurt, Dan… Fernando shuddered,
swallowed heavily and spoke on.

“Remembered walking in the park, ‘n there was this boy and his mum asking for
an autograph… gave it to him, but I didn’t even really look at him, didn’t even
smile… nothing like I would’ve done before… how I realised I couldn’t… anymore…
couldn’t go on like this… God, I thought…”

And again he fell silent, thinking about the way Dan felt against him, firm and
warm and secure. And he wished… he wished…

“And then I imagined, if just a small thing would’ve been different like… like
NESV buying us right away instead of those… those… I thought… saw everything
being… better… us winning the league that one year… when we were so close…
lifting that cup, celebrating… everything right… being in the Champions League…
me not getting fucked up cause of that… injury… and imagined us in that same
match against Chelsea, thrashing them…”

His throat was closing up again, but he needed to say this, needed Dan to hear
even though he had become stiff against him.

“Saw us in the showers afterwards too, just you ‘n me… ‘n we had sex right
there, ‘n we were… glowing… ‘n you asked… if I thought ‘bout leaving cause we
still hadn’t won El Champions… and I laughed ‘n said… ‘Don’t be stupid… why’d I
ever wanna leave…’ But I was still in the showers with all those people I
didn’t know… alone… still hurting so bad…”

His voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper, his closed eyes stinging
drily, but Dan’s hand was brushing over his hair, just once.

“I wanted… I just wanted… lo siento… I… I’m sorry…”

“Shh,” Dan whispered and Fernando let himself fall into his unwavering
presence. Wished he could simply stay here and not have to worry about scoring
a goal ever again.

“Dan… will you… will you ever forgive me?”

The body against his lay unnaturally still, and it remained silent around them,
heavily, defeatingly silent. And even though Fernando’s heart bled he stayed
there in Dan’s arms and held on because he knew that whatever he was going to
get, it would have to be enough to get him not just through the night, but a
lot longer than that.
***** X *****
                                    X-Rated
                 Laughing like children, living like lovers 
                     rolling like thunder under the covers
===============================================================================
“I bet you never thought you’d star in an x-rated movie some day,” Fernando
grinned down at him from where he was propped up over Dan on his hands. His
blond strands were dishevelled, his dark eyes shining, his face glowing with
arousal and Dan couldn’t help placing his hands over Fernando’s hip bones right
where his lover was straddling him and gently guiding his lazily circling hips
up and down. He mirrored the cheeky smile directed at him.

“No. Definitely not.”

They both couldn’t help glancing over to where the camera was placed on a
tripod next to a corner of the foot end of their bed, and neither could they
suppress the adrenaline-induced, giddy laughter.

Then Fernando lowered his head and caught Dan’s lips in a kiss, moulding their
lips together with luxurious, languid abandon, maybe a little too much tongue,
maybe a little too lascivious just for the camera, but Dan’s moan was real and
heart-felt, his hands tightening around Fernando’s hips, his own bucking up
into the willing body of his lover.

“You know,” he remarked as soon as their lips broke contact, the grin almost
challenging, “I never really took you as the type for having porn star
qualities…”

Fernando snorted and tightened around him in retaliation, making Dan gasp.

“You need to work on your compliments, baby.”

“I think that one actually was pretty… good… oh…”

The blond smirked, ground his hips down again and threw his head back in
pleasure as that spot inside him was rubbed oh so deliciously.

They didn’t need much more to get off, and in the end they didn’t care if they
moved in the right angle or made the right noises, they clang to each other in
brain-melting fits of passion until even the last shudders had subsided.

When Fernando lay bonelessly on Dan’s chest and Dan had one arm loosely wrapped
around Fernando’s waist, a low chuckle filled the sex-scented air.

“You know what we should call it? One night in –”

“Don’t. Even. Think. It.”
***** Y *****
                                      Yes
    To every life a light that shines, to every heart a beat that's true  
           Baby, you're my yellow summer, baby, you're my winterblue
===============================================================================
The sun was shining down bright and brilliant on the rough alpine rock face, a
weak breeze from time to time cooling the tanned, sweat-glistening faces and
bare arms of the two figures slowly but surely making their way upwards. Their
movements had an effortless routine to them, their fingers and feet finding the
ledges and creases in the rocky surface as if drawn to them by a magnet, and
despite the strained muscles they both still had enough breath in them to enjoy
this to the fullest.

“How are you up there?” Daniel’s voice floated up to where his companion was
just fixing a new safety hook to the rock, drawing a smile from him.

“Couldn’t be better. You? Tiring?”

The question evoked low laughter from the Dane, and his answer was almost a
purr that sent a pleasant shiver through Fernando’s body, weakening his arms
for just a heartbeat.

“In your dreams, baby.”

“Don’t make me hard while your life is in my hands,” Fernando returned but
couldn’t quite fight the amused grin curling around the corners of his mouth as
he reached upwards and climbed on.

“Well now you know how I feel with your ass in my line of sight whenever I look
up.”

Fernando had to grapple for his hold for just a moment as unexpected laughter
shook his body. “Oh my God!”

A low, slightly breathless chuckle reached his ears and he resisted the urge to
look down at Dan. “Fine. I’ll shut up.”

Fernando huffed and readjusted his position, his foot finding another place to
support his weight. A glance upward revealed that their goal couldn’t be much
more than six meters away now. “We’re almost there.”

The rest of the climb was spent in comfortable silence, and once they had
safely reached their destination, Fernando flung himself onto his back on the
ground, relishing the adrenaline in his veins brought by success, his straining
muscles that told a very clear tale of the exertion but left him tired and
elated at the same time.

“Wow, that was fucking perfect.”

Daniel, lying and breathing deeply next to him, gave a small laugh and
stretched his arms before folding them under his head. “Almost as good as the
one in the Pyrenees two years ago. Remember that one?”

Fernando didn’t even have to think. “Of course.” A grin slowly began to curl
around his lips. “I remember too how you broke our bed there.”

“Me? Me?!” Dan snorted in disbelief. “That was both of us, mister.”

“I still refuse to take any blame in that,” Fernando grinned, eyes fixed on a
hint of white on the otherwise clear, endless blue overhead. The field of his
vision limited by absolutely nothing at all. He slowly moved his legs, feeling
his muscles tremble slightly as he drew up his knees and put the soles of his
feet on the ground.

“Remember how we got snowed in in our car on the way back?” he wanted to know,
the smile on his face now more reminiscent.

“Sure. Thank God for the two huge coffee thermos jugs.”

“And the mini muffins. Don’t forget those.”

“God, I thought you looked adorable peeking out of that Eskimo hood of your
winter jacket.”

“It was cold, okay?”

“The heating was on.”

“It still was. Twat.”

“Shut up.”

Fernando breathed in deeply, the warm air carrying the faint scent of herbs and
mountain.

“Remember that power cut on your mum’s birthday?”

“That was hilarious. And we could sneak away to make out in some dark corner.”

“Did I ever tell you that your brother stumbled in on us there?”

“What?!”

“Yup. You were too distracted to notice. And he just stared with really wide
eyes before fleeing.”

“Fucking hell…”

Low laughter, Fernando’s elbow knocking into Dan’s side.

“Remember your parents coming over for a surprise visit right during our epic
baking battle?”

“Oh God. I’ll never forget their faces when you opened the door all covered in
dough and farina.”

“Damn it, and I'd planned for the cleaning to involve me licking the dough off
you.”

“Mmh. Good thing you didn’t though. My mum’s face was already disapproving
enough when she saw the kitchen.”

“Pff.”

“Aaww don’t pout.”

A low, half disapproving but half content sound escaping his throat, too
comfortable in the warm sun for anything else.

“Remember when we went to see the Lion King musical?”

“Of course.”

“You cried.”

“What? No I didn’t.”

“You did. Right at the first song, I saw. It was why I finally kissed you that
night.”

A soft, affectionate smile directed right at him.

“Remember the fireworks in Sydney?”

“Clear as day. Just as that look of wonder on your face.”

“Now you’re getting sappy.”

“I’m never sappy.”

“You’re a total sap…”

A short tousle ensued, quiet, gasped laughs before they tiredly settled again,
Fernando’s cheek against Dan’s shoulder.

“Remember that time Pepe dragged us to karaoke and you and Olalla sang ‘Don’t
you want me’?”

“Mmhh sure. Way before we got together.”

“I fell in love with you in that moment.”

“I always knew you were crazy.”

They simultaneously looked at each other, and burst out into lazy laughter,
letting it trail off while watching the wide alpine summer sky.

“Wanna do something dumb and marry me?”

Fernando blinked and turned his head to catch the look on Dan’s face, the
small, tender smile on his lips, the sun in his eyes.

Tilted his head and placed a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth.

“Yes.”
***** Z *****
Chapter Notes
     So, this is it, folks! I can't believe how long it took me to get all
     this out and posted, but here we go. Thank you all for reading, for
     the kudos and especially the comments, I was so happy to share this
     with you. Thank you for sticking with me to the end, and I promise, I
     have a great bunch of stories more about these two that will see the
     light of day on AO3. :)
     To end this, have a glimpse of a long gone utopian dream. <3
                                    Zenith
                         I'm on the edge of glory   
                     and I'm hanging by a moment with you
===============================================================================
The ball cut through the air in a wide, flawless arch, and as it hit the back
of the net, the stadium exploded around them. And the euphoric elation of their
fans followed Fernando as he, spiked with adrenaline and ecstasy to the very
brink, ran past the beaten goalkeeper, screaming out his almost delirious joy.
And despite it all his every step had a purpose, was taken only to bring him
straight towards that man who had made this goal possible, evading everyone
else, no matter how badly they wanted to celebrate with him. And when he
reached him, he jumped into his arms full speed, legs wrapped around him, and
Dan stumbled back two steps before finally going down.

It didn’t matter, nothing mattered, only that feeling of pure happiness cursing
through their veins as they clung to each other there on the pitch, their team
mates arriving to pile up on top of them, shouting with joy, Stevie, Xabi,
Dirk, Lucas, Martin, Pepe, no one that didn’t come.

And underneath the mass of overjoyed players, Dan and Fernando held on to each
other, shaking and laughing in utter bliss. Trying to take the moment and
savour it, bury it deep in their hearts and minds so that it would never, ever
leave them.

Because they knew that in this moment, they were on top of the world, and there
was no step that could take them any higher. This was what everyone hoped to
achieve only once in their lifetime. They were complete, flawless, invincible.

Perfect.
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!