Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/230117.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Homestuck
  Relationship:
      Sollux_Captor/Karkat_Vantas, Sollux_Captor/Aradia_Megido
  Character:
      Karkat_Vantas, Sollux_Captor, Aradia_Megido, John_Egbert
  Series:
      Part 2 of On_Wings_of_Pity
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-07-28 Completed: 2011-08-01 Chapters: 4/4 Words: 13627
****** Touch The Sky ******
by Miko
Summary
     Sometimes miracles don't seem like such a good thing.
Notes
     After considerable contemplation, I decided that there was still more
     that needed to be said after 'Spread Your Wings'. You'll probably
     want to read that fic first before this will make a great deal of
     sense.
***** Chapter 1 *****
The glare of the new sun was harsh enough to make Sollux's eyes water, and he
squeezed them shut with a gasp. Terezi was a prime example of what happened to
a troll stupid enough to open their eyes outside when the sun was up. He had no
desire to be... wait, he was already blinded. So it didn't exactly matter if he
opened his eyes or not.
Then it hit him. He'd been able to see the light.
With another gasp his eyes flew open again despite his best intentions. He
stared around him, half-expecting to be blinded all over again, but though the
light was harsh, it didn't burn.
All around him the other trolls were similarly covering their eyes in reflexive
reaction to the light. All of the trolls, alive and healthy - Tavros stood on
his own two legs, Aradia fluttered in the air just past him, and judging by the
way Terezi was moaning and peeking through her fingers, her blindness was as
cured as Sollux's.
"No fucking way," Sollux breathed out, not even sure how to react. "Jutht... no
fucking way!" Even the fact that his teeth had been repaired along with his
eyes wasn't enough to dampen the incredulous feeling rising up in his chest.
He'd hoped for the best when they'd finally beaten the damned game, but he'd
never even dared to imagine that their dead friends would be here with them.
Let alone that even injuries sustained before the game began would be healed.
"Wow, the sun sure is dark, it's practically twilight," someone exclaimed, an
unfamiliar voice. Sollux turned to look, and saw that the trolls weren't the
only ones present. Four oddly pink-looking people that had to be the human kids
were clustered to one side. He'd never had much to do with them, unlike the
others, but he knew enough about them to be fairly certain the one speaking was
the John human.
"Is this the Alternian sun?" the boy continued, alternately staring at the
trolls and the world around them. "Wow, Vriska your wings are even prettier
than you said! And I guess you must be Aradia, and... wait, are you Karkat?
Hey! You never told me you reached God Tier!"
"What?" half a dozen voices exclaimed, and suddenly Karkat was the centre of
attention.
Sollux turned as well, holding his breath in a sort of dreadful anticipation.
There was only one reason John would think Karkat was God Tier, and if every
injury had been fixed, then...
Strong and whole, Karkat's wings were far more beautiful than Sollux had
imagined, and that was saying something. The candy-red membranes fluttered in
what looked like a nervous response, shedding a faint trail of gleaming red
dust. Karkat himself seemed more than a little freaked out, clutching hard at
the nearest tree as if afraid his feet would leave the ground. He met the
disbelieving - and in some cases, hostile - gazes turned his way with an
expression of near panic.
"KK," Sollux breathed out, unable to believe his eyes. So many times he'd seen
his matesprit's withered and ruined wings and wondered what they would have
looked like, and now he was finally able to see it for himself.
"Th-they're..." Karkat stammered, apparently overcome. He seemed to latch onto
Sollux's gaze like a lifeline, ignoring the clamour of questions and
accusations coming from all around him. "They don't hurt, are they really...
oh, fuck, I'm afraid to look..."
Sollux could only shake his head and laugh. "You've waited your whole damned
life to fly, KK. Why are you thtill on the ground?"
With a quick burst of his returned psionics, Sollux grabbed Karkat and flung
him into the air. His matesprit yelped and flailed, panicking as he started to
fall again - and then instinct took over and the motion of his wings sped until
they were only a blur. He hung there for a moment, and panic transformed into
an expression so uncharacteristic that it took Sollux a moment to identify it
on him: incandescent joy.
Karkat started laughing, something Sollux had heard only a handful of times and
even then only when they were alone. "Take that, you high-blooded nooksniffers,
you can shove your hemospectrum up your seedflaps," Karkat crowed gleefully. "I
can fly!"
And with that he was gone, soaring up out of range of their voices, his
laughter almost manic. Vriska immediately launched herself after him. "Come
back here you freak-blooded little twerp! I'll rip those right off your back,"
she hissed, angrier than Sollux could ever remember seeing her before.
Swearing, Sollux scrambled to refocus his powers, desperate to stop her before
she got out of range. Thankfully Aradia beat him to the punch, grabbing Vriska
in mid-air and holding tight enough that the other troll couldn't easily push
her off. "Let go," Vriska demanded, outraged. "The fucker was holding out on
us! I'm going to make him paaaaaaaay."
"He wathn't holding out," Sollux interjected quickly, because somebody was
obviously going to have to explain and he was the only one with a clue. It
looked like Karkat had been right to hide his wings all this time - Vriska
wasn't the only high-blood frothing at the mouth, she was just the only one who
had any chance of being able to catch Karkat now.
"As it seems you are somewhat better informed than your fellows, perhaps you'd
care to supply some answers?" one of the human girls said, raising a weirdly
pale eyebrow at him. "Preferably before the situation deteriorates into
bloodshed and mayhem, as it appears wont to do."
"He wathn't holding out on uth," Sollux repeated as firmly as he could. "He'th
not God Tier, it wouldn't have made any differenth againtht the black king or
againtht Jack."
"Then why does he have wings?" Equius demanded, scowling. "It is obscene. Only
the highest of high-bloods have ever had that trait, and even we..."
"Highest a the land-dwwellers, you mean," Eridan sneered. "The fuck would a
sea-dwweller need fuckin' wwings for? Useless wwaste a space, if you ask me."
"I do not believe anyone did ask you," Equius snorted, fists tightening. "Wings
are a noble and coveted trait. That someone with blood so filthy should possess
them is a perversion against all our society stands for."
"I have wings," Aradia pointed out in the overly sweet tone that Sollux knew
meant she was just about ready to go ballistic. Hearing her voice again, rich
and warm and not dead and not robotic was literally music to his ears. He'd
talked to her briefly in his dreams, enough to know that she was alive and had
somehow reached God Tier, but now he could see her as well and that just made
it all real. "And gosh! They're nearly as red as Karkat's, look at that."
Equius had the grace to look abashed. Well, maybe 'grace' wasn't the right
word, because he was sweating heavily, but he did look embarrassed. "That is...
entirely different. You have earned them with your own STRENGTH, and I must
admit they are rather fetching despite their unfortunate colour."
"So why does he have wings, if he's not God Tier?" the other human girl asked
innocently. "None of the rest of you do."
"They died out of the gene pool some time ago, and really they were almost
exclusively a trait that came after the final adult metamorphosis, though there
are stories of one or two legendary trolls in the distant past who were hatched
with them," Kanaya explained for the benefit of the obviously confused human
quartet. "That's why it's not surprising that our God Tier forms include wings,
as they are considered a symbol of great personal power and high status, even
though we are still in our adolescent stage. How one would go about obtaining
them without reaching God Tier, I'm not certain..."
"He'th alwayth had them," Sollux interrupted, because if he waited for Kanaya
to actually finish they might be standing there all day. "It'th got nothing to
do with the game."
"Pull the other one, I think someone would have seen Karkat walking around with
those on his back at some point," Terezi jeered. She grinned and licked her
lips, though the wicked expression was somewhat ruined by the way she seemed to
still be having trouble focusing her eyes. "I know for sure I'd have noticed,
they smell even better than the Coolkid's eyes. And I thought his blush was
delicious!"
"He hid them, all right?" Sollux said, anger starting to hum through his veins.
He carried a lot of rage for what his matesprit had gone through to survive,
and this argument was rapidly rousing every bit of that fury. "He bent them
into pietheth and warped them all out of shape to hide them againtht hith back,
and he'th lived every fucking day of hith whole life in agony, all tho a bunch
of thelf-righteouth, high-blooded bone bulgeth wouldn't cull him. Jutht like
you're all threatening to do, right now!"
"Whoa, whoa, okay, nobody is culling anybody," John said, jumping into the fray
- literally jumping into it, flailing his arms and placing himself between
Sollux and Equius, probably rightly choosing them as the most likely to break
into actual violence. "Calm down, guys, really, just take a few deep breaths or
something! We're on a whole new world here, and we get to make the rules, so
does it really matter whether it would have been a problem for him to have
wings back in your old lives?"
"I think they're really pretty," the dark human girl said, beaming. "Actually I
think all three of your wings are pretty, I'm so jealous!"
"They are a brill-iant finomenon," Feferi agreed with her. "Though I have to
agree with Eridan that they'd be kind of a drag underwater."
"I suppose if he wasn't making things more difficult for us by hiding his
powers, I don't actually care," Vriska sniffed, flipping her hair out of her
eyes with a little toss of her head. "It's not true that they're only a high-
blood trait anyway. The Summoner had them, and he was Tavros's ancestor so he
must have been a brown blood."
Tavros looked slightly stunned by this revelation. So did Equius, for that
matter.
"I'm certainly not complaining," Terezi agreed, her grin so wide it nearly
reached her ears. She was practically salivating, her desire to taste Karkat's
wings was so obvious.
That was exactly the reaction Sollux had always been afraid she would have.
"Let me jutht make one thing perfectly clear, Pyrope," he growled, lip curling
away from his fangs in an accompanying snarl. "If I catch your tongue anywhere
near him, I will rip it off and cram it up your cartilage nub tho you can never
thmell anything again, ever. Underthtand?"
"Oooh, really?" Nepeta squealed, wide-eyed and gleeful. "Wait, wait, when did
this happen? I need to update my wall! Oh, my gosh, my wall doesn't even exist
anymore, that's pawful!"
Sollux ignored her, locking eyes with Terezi, willing her to back down. He
wasn't sure exactly what her relationship with Karkat had been, or even what
she wanted it to be, but he knew one thing for certain. He was Karkat's
matesprit, and he would rip anyone who tried to come between them into pieces,
friend or not.
She looked away first, rubbing at her watering eyes again to give her an
excuse. They both knew it meant he'd won, though.
"Ooookay, I guess that's all good, then?" John said cautiously. "In that case,
well, hi! It's so awesome to finally meet all of you!"
Turning his back on the ensuing chatter of introductions, Sollux fixed his gaze
on the place where he'd last seen Karkat in the sky. He smiled to himself,
wondering how long it would be before the other troll touched the ground again.
Next time Sollux would go with him - he didn't need wings to fly - but Karkat
deserved to have this first flight all to himself.
===============================================================================
Flying was absolutely nothing like he'd imagined it to be.
Karkat had tried not to ever think about it, not to wonder what it would have
been like, because dwelling on it only made the whole thing that much more
agonizing. His lusus had hidden his wings the moment he emerged from the
breeding caves; he'd never had a chance to use them before he had to break
them.
The fact that every damn asshole in Sgrub had gotten to fly but him - even the
cripple, for fuck's sake - had rubbed his cartilage nub in it, though. He'd
seethed over it, half wishing he'd had an opportunity to try it, and half
grateful that he'd never been given the chance. Surely it would have been a
million times worse to know what he was missing out on.
Now he knew, and it was glorious, and there wasn't a damned reason to be
resentful because he could do it again any fucking time he wanted to.
If he teared up a little, he assured himself that it was only the wind and
bright sunlight making his eyes water. It didn't matter, since there was nobody
there to see him, anyway.
He could feel the burn of exertion in the muscles that controlled his wings,
but the fact that they were functioning at all was such a miracle that Karkat
didn't even care about how much he would probably hurt later from the
unaccustomed exercise. He was used to far worse constant agony than this
piffling bit of pain, he could easily handle it. Right now, he just wanted to
stay in the air forever and make up for every moment of the six sweeps he'd
been unfairly chained to the ground.
Whole. He was whole and unbroken for the first time since he'd left his cocoon.
It didn't even matter that his freakish blood mutation threw him right off the
bottom of the hemospectrum. There were no drones to cull him in this new world
they'd created - or if there were, Karkat was laughably certain that he could
take them down blindfolded and with one hand tied behind his back. He might not
be God Tier, but he had all the levels, all of them, and he knew how to use
them.
He didn't have to run and hide, anymore. He didn't have to skulk in his hive
and refuse to ever leave for fear of someone seeing his blood. He didn't have
to worry that he'd be culled one way or the other when he reached adulthood -
either because he refused to fill a pail, or because he did fill one and that
gave away his mutation.
He didn't have to be afraid.
He could live his life like any other troll, now. Better than most of them, in
fact. That knowledge was nearly as much of a rush as flying was, and he laughed
in sheer delight. For once, for once, there wasn't a single damned reason to
feel angry or sorry for himself.
Or for anyone else to, either.
The realization blindsided him, and he was so appalled that he froze
momentarily. Without his wings working to keep him aloft he started losing
altitude rapidly, and the terror of seeing the ground rushing at him shook him
out of his shock. He righted himself, hovering in place, staring at nothing as
his blood pusher tried to pound its way out through his chest.
Everything that had ever made Sollux feel sorry for him was gone. How many
times had his matesprit patiently rubbed away the cramps in his back and
straightened the twisted folds of his ruined wings to let the blood flow
properly through them? Every time, the other troll would growl over what Karkat
had been forced to do to himself to survive, rage at the society that had
compelled him to torture himself, and then sweep Karkat up in passionate pity
as if he could shelter Karkat from any further pain.
Now all that was gone. His wings were healthy and strong, and he would never
suffer agonizing cramps from hiding them again. The other survivors were
probably kicking up a fuss about it right now, but it would die down
eventually.
He was free. He was whole.
There was no reason for Sollux to pity him anymore.
***** Chapter 2 *****
ectoBiologist [EB] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
EB: karkat!
EB: kaaaaaaaarkaaaaaaaat!
EB: heeeeeeeey karkat!
EB: ...
EB: damn, not even the eight thing is drawing you out? that usually makes you
snap at me.
EB: karkat please answer?
EB: i'm really getting worried about you.
EB: and i never even got a chance to say hi to you! you took off before
everybody introduced themselves. and everyone says they haven't seen you since.
EB: please at least tell me you're alive?
EB: please?
EB: pretty please?
EB: pretty please with a cherry on top?
EB: see, look what you're doing to me, that was practically a cupcake please
and you know i hate sweet things!
CG: IF I TELL YOU I'M ALIVE WILL YOU FUCK OFF AND STOP BOTHERING ME LIKE A
WHINY LITTLE NOOKSUCKING GRUB WHO CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT HIS LUSUS LEADING
HIM AROUND BY THE CARTILAGE NUB?
EB: karkat! thank god!
EB: where have you been, everyone's been so worried about you! it's been days.
EB: sollux messages me like five times a day to ask if i've heard from you.
EB: are you ok? where are you?
CG: FUCK OFF AND DIE, EGBERT
CG: I'M SO NOT IN THE MOOD FOR YOUR CHEERFUL FRIENDLEADER PALHONCHO
HOOFBEASTSHIT.
EB: too bad, because you're getting it whether you want it or not.
EB: why are you hiding from everyone?
EB: if you're worried about people's reactions to your wings, i'm pretty sure
sollux managed to calm everyone down about that the very first day.
CG: WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT HIM
CG: SEE LOOK AT THAT, I CAN SAY PLEASE TOO
CG: HERE, I'LL GIVE YOU ANOTHER ONE. PLEASE GO SUCK YOUR BULGE AND LEAVE ME THE
HELL ALONE
EB: stop talking about who? sollux?
EB: he's really worried about you, you know. what's going on?
CG: STOP, JUST FUCKING STOP ALREADY, FUCK
CG: YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND
CG: YOU COULDN'T UNDERSTAND, IN FACT, SEEING AS YOUR MINISCULE THINK PAN HAS
REPEATEDLY PROVEN INCAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING A CONCEPT AS SIMPLE AND ELEGANTLY
BEAUTIFUL AS THE ROMANTIC QUADRANTS
EB: no i get it, you guys are matesprits, right?
EB: that's the pity one where you have sex... er, fill pails.
CG: CONGRATU-FUCKING-LATIONS, YOU HAVE AT LONG LAST MASTERED THE ABILITY TO
MEMORIZE SIMPLE TERMS AND DEFINITIONS
CG: THAT STILL DOESN'T MEAN YOU UNDERSTAND THEM, JUST THAT YOU CAN REGURGITATE
EXACTLY THE WORDS I'VE POURED INTO YOUR AURICULAR SPONGECLOTS SO MANY DAMNED
TIMES
CG: YES, MATESPRITS IS THE PITY ONE WHERE WE FILL PAILS, AND YES, WE ARE
MATESPRITS
CG: FOR EXACTLY AS LONG AS IT TAKES HIM TO REALIZE HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY REASON
TO PITY ME ANYMORE
Emotional agony, Karkat was quickly discovering, was about a million times
worse than physical pain. He knew how to deal with physical pain, how to ignore
it and shove it away and pretend that it didn't affect him. He had absolutely
no idea how to deal with emotional pain, because he'd never before let anyone
close enough to hurt him.
It hurt so bad he felt like he was suffocating, drowning in the desperate need
to feel Sollux's arms around him. The worst of it was knowing that Sollux did
still pity him, at least for the moment. He had proof of that in the dozens,
maybe hundreds of attempts his matesprit had made to contact him in the last
few days.
Karkat still had every one of those attempts open on his husktop screen, and he
read them over and over again. It was an incredibly poor substitution for the
sound of Sollux's voice, the feel of his hands and body, but it was the best he
could have right now.
Because if Sollux saw him, it would surely only hasten the process of
evaporating his pity for Karkat. And what could Karkat possibly say to him over
Trollian? 'I'll find some other way to be pitiful, please don't leave me?' That
was pretty pathetic in its own way, but not the sort of pathetic that inspired
flushed feelings.
"KK!"
For a hysterical moment Karkat thought he was actually imagining the sound of
Sollux calling his name because he wanted to hear it so badly. Then he realized
it was coming from outside his window. Quickly he ducked down beneath it,
huddling under the sill where Sollux wouldn't be able to see him even if he
flew up and looked inside. Pulling his knees to his thorax, he wrapped his arms
around them and hid his face against them, breathing hard.
It wasn't the first time Sollux had come over to his hive to try to draw him
out. Karkat always hid and pretended that he wasn't there, soaking up the sound
of his matesprit's voice until Sollux would finally give up and go away.
It was torture of the worst kind for Karkat. He wanted so badly to see Sollux,
to give up and let the other troll in so he could touch him again, just for a
moment. But he knew that a moment would probably be all he'd get, and he
couldn't bear to invite the end one split second before it had to come.
And so he hid, and he longed for Sollux so fiercely the ache was physical, and
he tried hard not to cry the entire time his matesprit was inches away.
"Damn it, KK, I know you're in there," Sollux said, banging on the windowpane
hard enough to make Karkat jump. "John thaid you jutht trolled him, and
there'th nowhere elthe you'd have internet. Let me in!"
John? Choking on misery, Karkat snarled silently in the direction of his
husktop. There were half a dozen lines of blue text there, probably John trying
to keep him distracted until Sollux arrived. He'd known answering the human was
a bad idea, but he'd been so lonely and desperate for contact from someone, and
he'd thought that John at least was safe.
He should have known better, especially after John mentioned that Sollux had
been bugging him to find out if he'd heard from Karkat. But by then it had
already been too late.
"Karkat Vantath, if you don't come out here and fucking talk to me, I thwear I
am going to tear your hive apart until I find you mythelf!"
Oh shit, Sollux had used his whole name. His full name, including the
signifier, and Karkat couldn't remember him ever, ever doing that. He sounded
enraged - like he was talking to his kismesis, not his matesprit.
Hearing that anger from Sollux directed at him was nearly enough to break
Karkat completely. He huddled in tighter, leaning back against the wall to keep
his wings pinned flat against them so they wouldn't betray his presence.
There was a long silence. It dragged on until Karkat wondered nervously if
Sollux really was trying to rip his hive apart with his powers. Karkat had no
desire to end up like Aradia, especially since he was quite certain that if he
died now, there would be no reviving him. But Sollux hadn't destroyed Aradia's
hive on purpose. Surely he wouldn't do it to Karkat.
When Sollux did speak again, the words were so soft that Karkat almost missed
them. "Pleathe," Sollux begged, hardly more than a choked whisper. "Pleathe
don't do thith to me, KK. I can't... I can't take thith. Pleathe."
Stunned breathless, Karkat stared blindly at the far wall, trembling. Sollux
was begging? Begging him? He sounded like he was a bare inch from breaking down
in tears, and Karkat couldn't remember ever seeing his matesprit cry. Not even
when Aradia had exploded practically in his arms. Maybe it had happened when
he'd killed Aradia the first time - probably - but Karkat hadn't been there to
physically see it.
Part of him wanted to answer those wretched pleas, but when he instinctively
opened his mouth to try to comfort his matesprit, nothing came out past the
lump in his windtube.
Another long, painful silence, and then finally Sollux inhaled raggedly. "Okay.
Fine. If that'th the way you want it, it'th your choithe. I... I won't bother
you again. Goodbye, KK."
This time it was panic that held Karkat motionless and silent. Goodbye? Sollux
wouldn't bother him again? No, no, no, that was the opposite of what Karkat
wanted. However much it hurt to hear him so close when he came over like this,
it would hurt a million times worse to know that he would never hear him again.
Finally he managed to overcome the paralysis of indecision and fear, and he
scrambled to his knees. He smacked his head painfully against the windowsill in
the process, and nearly tore one of his wings when he stepped on the lower
part. By the time he got himself sorted out and threw the window open to lean
out, there was no sign of Sollux anywhere.
Frantically Karkat scanned the sky, looking for some indication of which way
his matesprit had gone. Sollux couldn't fly that fast, could he? How could he
have gotten out of sight so quickly? The muscles in Karkat's back flexed as his
wings started to flutter faster, matching the pace of his blood pusher, but
there was no point in him tearing out of his hive in a random direction.
And what the hell could he say if he did manage to catch up with Sollux,
anyway? Nothing had changed. The thought that he was breaking Sollux's heart
was enough to crush his own, but what could he do to fix it?
Keening with grief in the back of his windtube, Karkat lowered his head in
defeat. Only then did he realize he was hovering a foot above the floor, his
grip on the windowsill all that was keeping him anchored. Cursing, he willed
his wings to stop, and dropped heavily to the floor again.
The blinking screen on his husktop caught his eyes, now completely filled with
lines of blue text. Snarling, Karkat snatched at it, not even bothering to read
all the drivel John had written to him.
CG: YOU FUCKING TRAITOR WHY DID YOU DO THAT
CG: DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'VE DONE
CG: OR MAYBE YOU DO
CG: IS THIS YOUR IDEA OF ENTERTAINMENT, EGBERT?
CG: LAUGHING AT THE THOUGHT OF TEARING MY EMOTIONS INTO TINY LITTLE PIECES AND
STOMPING ALL OVER THEM
CG: SHITTING ON ME, USING ME AS A FUCKING LOAD GAPER TO BOOST YOUR TAINTSTAINED
PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT
EB: what? no, of course not!
EB: that's not what this is about at all, i'm trying to help you karkat.
EB: sollux has been driving himself crazy thinking that you didn't want him
anymore.
EB: and that's obviously not the case, going by what you said to me earlier!
CG: FUCK YOU AND THE HOOFBEAST YOU RODE IN ON, I DON'T NEED YOUR NOOKCHAFING
'HELP'
CG: ALL YOU'VE DONE IS SPED UP THE INEVITABLE AND DESTROYED US BOTH IN THE
PROCESS
CG: NOTHING HAS CHANGED EXCEPT THAT I NOW HATE YOU IN THE MOST PLATONIC WAY
POSSIBLE
EB: you know, i never thought you were a coward karkat, but you're sure acting
like one now.
Completely floored, Karkat stared at the line of text, reading it over and over
again despite the way the words burned like acid in his think pan. Coward? He
was not a coward! He'd faced down imps and bosses and denizens and the black
king and his psychotic best friend and even fucking immortal Jack Noir himself,
and beaten them all. He was...
He was hiding from his matesprit, for the love of fuck, cowering like a
wriggler terrified of the monsters that haunted the day and went 'bump' against
his recuperacoon. He was hurting his matesprit, the most inexcusable action any
troll could ever perform, all for the sake of salvaging the merest scrap of his
pride.
He was a coward, oh fuck, John was absolutely right.
If he truly pitied Sollux instead of himself, he would go find the other troll
and fix this, no matter what it took. If the end result was that Sollux
realized he no longer pitied Karkat, well, at least he would be able to move on
without believing that Karkat was the one who didn't want him.
Avoiding him only poorly prevented Karkat from feeling pain while inflicting
more on Sollux. Truly, he was a coward.
CG: YOU ARE A SMUG SANCTIMONIOUS ASSHOLE WHO IS FAR TOO ASSURED OF HIS OWN
SUPERIORITY
CG: YOUR ENDLESS SELF-RIGHTEOUS CONVICTION IN THE POWER OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP
MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT UP EVERY BIT OF SUSTENANCE I'VE EVER STUFFED DOWN MY
PROTEIN CHUTE SO I CAN SPEW IT INTO YOUR FACE AND SHUT YOUR EVER-FLAPPING
WORDHOLE
CG: WHICH MEANS I HATE IT EVEN MORE WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT, SO FUCK YOU
EB: you're very welcome, karkat.
===============================================================================
It took him far too long to find Sollux's hive, even though their new homes
were situated more or less in the same manner their old ones had been, but with
much less distance between them all. Of course anything short of instantaneous
transport would have felt like 'too long' to Karkat, so it was hard to judge
properly.
As he flew towards the towering hivestem, Karkat tried to rehearse what he was
going to say in his mind. Every single thing he could come up with sounded like
the most trite, insincere piece of trash that ever made it into a romcom flop.
What could he possibly say to apologize for the way he'd behaved?
"Starting with 'I'm sorry' would be good, so stop stalling, asshole," he cursed
at himself. He'd just have to grovel until Sollux forgave him, that was all
there was to it.
Assuming Sollux even let him in the door, of course. Well, there was a way
around that. Karkat zipped in a rising spiral around the hivestem, peering
briefly into each window until he spotted a respite block with a giant,
bifurcated recuperacoon in it. That had to be Sollux's, especially considering
the fact that one half was filled with red-tinted sopor slime, and the other
half was blue.
There was no sign of Sollux in the block, however, so Karkat kept going. The
next window showed the main room of the hive... and Karkat's blood pusher
nearly stopped in his chest.
Sollux was there. He'd definitely been crying - the muddy yellow tracks on his
cheek attested to that, clear even from this distance. That alone would have
been enough to make Karkat feel wretched, but that wasn't what nearly sent him
plummeting out of the air in shock.
Sollux wasn't alone. He had his face half-buried in Aradia's hair, his
shoulders shaking as if he was still crying, and his arms wrapped so tight
around her waist Karkat wasn't sure he was planning to ever let go. Aradia was
holding him just as tightly in return, her face against his shoulder, her wings
fanning gently to create a soft breeze that ruffled Sollux's hair.
Horrified, Karkat hung there, motionless except for the instinctive beating of
his wings. This, oh fuck, how could he have missed this possibility? Aradia had
been Sollux's matesprit first, and though she'd technically been dead when
Karkat and Sollux had gotten together, now she was alive and well again. Karkat
knew that Sollux had never really gotten over her, never stopped pitying her,
but Karkat had never resented that.
Until now.
Then Aradia looked up, and for the briefest moment their eyes met. Hers
widened, and Karkat swore. Like a bullet from Eridan's rifle he shot straight
up, an instinctive panicked response to being caught watching what was
obviously meant to be a private moment. Never mind that as Sollux's matesprit,
he had every right to stay and demand to know what the fuck was going on.
Because judging by that scene, he might not be Sollux's matesprit anymore.
As he fled he thought he heard Sollux calling his name, but he didn't stop or
look back. He was a coward after all.
By the time he made it back to his hive, the worst of his boiling emotions had
evaporated into nothingness. Literally into nothing - he felt empty and hollow
inside, as if an essential part of him had been ripped out and cast away. He
slammed through the front door and made his way to his ablution block, bracing
his hands against the wall on either side of the reflective pane and staring
into it.
Only then did he realize he'd been crying, the red streaks on his cheeks a
perfect match for the yellow ones that had been on Sollux's. He had to rub
viciously at them to get rid of them, nearly clawing his skin to shreds in the
process.
Once his face was passably clean he returned to staring, the corner of his lip
pulling back in a snarl as he watched his fucking wings fan slowly behind him.
His wings, which had been the source of so much of the endless pain in his
life, both physical and mental.
For one brief, shining period they had also been the greatest boon he'd ever
been granted. Not when they were healed - before that, when Sollux had
discovered them and they'd pushed the other troll into pitying him.
And now they were threatening to ruin everything all over again.
The growl that had been building in his windtube spilled out through his lips,
vibrating his teeth so hard he could almost feel them rattling. Withered and
ruined, his wings had brought the best thing in his life to him. Healthy and
working, they would take it away again.
Maybe if he took them away, he would have a chance of regaining the joy that
was slipping out of his hands.
Once before, driven half mad with pain and fear, Karkat had tried to rip the
wings off his own back. It had hurt so badly that he'd passed out before he'd
done more than tear one of them a bit. He didn't think a second attempt would
work any better, but he had better resources at his command now.
A brief thought and his sickles were in his hands, wickedly sharp and deadly.
Tensing his back muscles, Karkat forced his wings out straight, perpendicular
from his body. Then he reached around with one sickle, pressing the flat of the
blade against his body so that the hook curved around the place where his wings
joined his thorax.
It was an awkward angle, but he only needed to hold it for a moment. Taking a
deep breath, Karkat met his own eyes in the mirror. Was he really going to do
this? He would be maiming himself forever, throwing away the miracle he'd been
given, all for the chance to win Sollux back. There was still every possibility
that Sollux would choose Aradia over him. She'd had him first, after all.
Was it really worth it?
Yes.
Yes it was.
With a fierce yell, Karkat yanked the sickle sideways and felt it bite into the
root of his wings.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Notes
     Well, this part ended up a lot longer than I'd intended, so I've
     split it into two parts. I'm sure you're all so disappointed to have
     an extra chapter to look forward to. ^_^ Also please note the changed
     rating, as the story decided it did want to have smut after all.
It hurt. It hurt so bad that he just wanted to find a hole to crawl into so he
could curl up and die. It hurt even worse than one of his migraines, and that
was saying something - though come to think of it, he could feel one of those
building behind his eyes as well, which probably wasn't helping.
Sollux blinked twice, and finally realized that he was standing in the main
block of his hive, staring sightlessly at the silicomb network that took up
half the space. He'd probably been there for a while judging by the way the
bees were buzzing undisturbed around him, but he couldn't remember anything
after telling Karkat goodbye.
He tried to laugh, but it turned into a sob. Only then did he realize he was
crying, tears sliding steadily over his cheeks and his breath stuttering around
the restriction in his windtube.
Clutching at his aching chest, Sollux collapsed into his computer chair. The
detached, clinical part of his mind tried to decide if this hurt more or less
than the last time he'd lost his matesprit, but it was hard to quantify. At
least he hadn't killed Karkat, hadn't used the power of his mind to rip the
other troll into pieces too tiny to find.
Though he had been tempted, just for a moment.
A tapping noise at his window jolted him out of his miserable contemplation.
His bloodpusher leapt into his windtube as he looked up. Maybe he'd gotten
through to Karkat after all, and his matesprit had followed him home?
But though the flash of red wings outside got his hopes up, they plummeted
again when he saw the accompanying red hood and clothes. Sollux stifled a half-
hysterical giggle. Wrong red-winged matesprit. Seriously, did he have a fetish
or something?
Listlessly he lifted a hand and unlocked the window with his powers. Once, not
very long ago, he'd have been thrilled by the chance to talk to and touch
Aradia again. Now, all he could think about was how disappointed he was that
she wasn't Karkat.
"I'm not very good company right now, AA," he muttered as she slid in through
the window. Sighing, he crossed his arms on his desk and rested his head on
them, hoping she'd take the hint and leave him alone.
To his surprise, a moment later strong fingers dug into the muscles at the base
of his think pan, kneading firmly. He groaned as the knots there slowly
released, and the migraine that had been threatening faded to manageable
levels.
"How did you know?" he asked, not lifting his head as she continued to work her
magic.
"It's been a while, but I still recognize that pinched look you get when you're
in pain," she said softly. "I'm only glad I can do something to help you again.
And especially glad that I can care enough to want to."
"AA..." he trailed off, not certain what to say to that. They couldn't just
pick up where they'd left off in their relationship. Even though he was pretty
sure he'd just broken up with Karkat, the wound was still too raw, too intense
- and after experiencing the depth of pity he felt for Karkat, he was starting
to wonder if he'd ever truly been flushed for Aradia at all.
"Shh, it's okay," she hushed him. "I'm not trying to go back to what we had.
Too much has changed for both of us to do that, even if you didn't have Karkat
now."
"Fuck." The sound of Karkat's name was enough to undo all the work she'd just
put into relaxing him. Sollux shuddered with the effort it took to bite back
another sob. "I'm not sure I do have KK anymore. He won't... he won't talk to
me, won't anthwer my trolling, won't even acknowledge that he'th there when I
go to try to thee him."
"Are you certain he was home?"
"Yeah, Egbert trolled me the moment KK anthwered him, and there'th nowhere
elthe KK would be able to connect. Now that we actually need internet again,
anyway." Sollux rocked his head against his arms, as close as he could come to
shaking it without looking up. "He doethn't need me anymore. With hith wingth,
fuck, there ithn't anybody he couldn't look down on, blood colour or not. He
doethn't have to lean on a wretched freak like me ath the only perthon low
enough for him to pity."
She threw her arms around his neck, pressing close to his back and bringing her
wings as far forward as they would go, like a sheltering blanket of dark rust.
"Don't say that. I'm sure that's not what's going on. Karkat isn't the type to
break up with a quadrant because he might be able to find someone better."
This time Sollux managed a sound that might actually have passed for a laugh.
In an alternate universe where nobody had working auricular spongeclots,
anyway. "I wish I could believe that. But I shouldn't be dumping thith on you.
Ethpethially when you jutht got done thaying you don't pity me anymore."
Despite his words, he snagged her hand with his own and squeezed it. He
appreciated that she was willing to comfort him like this, even though they
were no longer matesprits.
She chuckled - the same warm, rich sound he'd missed so much. "Now, when did I
ever say that I don't pity you? Don't be silly. You need it more than ever at
the moment, or so it seems. I said we couldn't go back to what we had before."
"What? But..." Startled, Sollux sat up and turned to face her. He blushed when
he realized how close that put them, since she still had her arms around his
neck. He blushed even more when she settled down to sit on his knees so that
she didn't have to lean over him awkwardly.
She was smiling at him, and he'd missed that even more than her laugh. "Last I
checked, there were still two quadrants involving pity, you know."
"Two... moirailth? You want to be moirailth?" Sollux said, still half certain
he must be misunderstanding.
"That is... if you still pity me, I guess?" she said, sounding uncertain for
the first time.
Realizing that his disbelieving hesitation was giving her the wrong idea,
Sollux threw his arms around her waist and hugged her to him. "Fuck yeah I do,"
he exclaimed, rocking her slightly in his arms. His windtube was threatening to
close, but he forced the words out anyway. "I never thtopped, and I felt tho
horrible about the way everything ended. I mithed you tho much, you don't even
know."
"I wish I could say I missed you too," she said, tucking her head against his
shoulder. "I'm sorry."
"AA, I killed you," he pointed out caustically. "I'm hardly gonna be mad at you
becauthe you couldn't feel anything at all, let alone pity for me. I wouldn't
be mad even if you hated me."
This was... well, not a perfect solution, because it did nothing to fix his
problem with Karkat. But having her as his moirail did neatly solve the issue
of his continuing red feelings for Aradia. It was unusual for a relationship to
go from flushed to pale; the more usual situation was the other way around, and
it was even rarer for both partners to feel the same so that there were no hurt
feelings. Then again, surely there had never been a more unusual situation in
troll history than theirs.
Burying his face in her hair, he breathed deeply of the familiar scent of her
and tried not to break down crying again. "Thankth, AA. I really need a moirail
right now, too."
"Well, being there to support you is what moirails are for," she pointed out
cheerfully. "It's not as if you've never... oh!"
Her arms went so tight she nearly choked him. "AA?" he croaked, baffled by the
sudden change.
"Oh, no... oh no, oh no, oh no," she murmured, drawing away from him and
covering her mouth with both hands. She stood abruptly and backed up, as if
trying to put as much distance between them as she could, and he tried not to
feel hurt. Her eyes were wide and distressed, and she was staring over his
shoulder like she'd just seen her ancestor.
He looked behind him quickly, but there was nothing to see aside from his
window and the empty sky beyond. "What?"
"Ohhh... no," she said one more time. "Karkat was at the window, he saw us. I
think he got the wrong idea."
"At the window? AA, we're like, thirty thtorieth up... aaand he can fly now,
shit." Sollux leapt to his feet and raced to the window, throwing it open and
leaning out. "KK! Wait, KK! Karkat!"
His shout rang in the still evening air, but there was no answer, and no sign
of his matesprit.
Sollux felt sick. He knew Karkat's insecurities better than anyone. Worse,
Karkat had held Sollux while he grieved over his lost relationship with Aradia
more than once, so he was well aware of the fact that Sollux still pitied her.
Given all of that, if Karkat had seen them together just now, of course he
would assume that they'd gotten back together. Especially after Sollux had said
goodbye to him earlier, fuck.
"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit," Sollux cursed helplessly. There had to be few
things more rude than running out on someone right after they confessed pale
feelings for you, but if he didn't follow Karkat right now he might be throwing
away his matespritship forever. "Fuck, AA, I have to..."
He turned back to her, just as she went up on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek.
"Go," she said. "Quickly! He'll probably go straight back to his hive, there
isn't anywhere else he'd feel safe to be vulnerable."
"I don't detherve you," he said fervently, catching her by the shoulders to
hold her still so he could lean down and kiss her back, on the forehead. "Thank
you tho much."
"We'll argue about who deserves what later, now go," she commanded, turning him
around and shoving him towards the window.
Sollux went, praying that he wouldn't be too late.
He pushed himself to his limits, flying faster than he ever had before. His
fighting in the game had honed and strengthened his powers, but even so he
could feel the drain as he crossed the distance between his hive and Karkat's
for the third time that evening.
There was no sign of Karkat ahead of him, and he spared a moment to hope that
Aradia had been right about where Karkat would go. If she was wrong it would
take hours for Sollux to find him, assuming he managed it at all. But her logic
was sound, so hopefully Karkat was just that much faster than him. He had no
idea how fast a winged troll could fly compared to his telekinetic ability.
He'd had every intention of finding out, but then Karkat had refused to answer
him.
When Karkat's hive finally came into view, Sollux's bloodpusher sank. The front
door was wide open, as if Karkat had entered - or exited - in such a rush he
hadn't bothered to shut it again. Unthinkable for a member of a race as
territorial as the trolls were. Sollux couldn't even imagine what state of mind
Karkat, the most paranoid recluse of all of them, would have needed to be in to
make such a fundamental error.
Even more unthinkable was what Sollux did next. He didn't ring the doorbell or
even call out to announce his presence, just landed on the lawn ring and
charged straight into the hive. Karkat could kill him for invading his private
space without an invitation if he wanted to - that would at least involve
Karkat actually facing him.
The hive was much larger than Sollux's, but he followed his instincts and
hurried up the stairs to where Karkat's respite block most likely was. He
figured that was the obvious place for a distraught troll to end up, in their
most personal space.
Halfway up he finally got a good look into the ablution block at the top of the
stairs, just as the sound of a fierce shout rang in his ears. Sollux didn't
even have a chance to consciously comprehend what his eyes were telling him
before he was lashing out with his powers, smashing the sickles out of Karkat's
hands and knocking his matesprit into the tiled wall hard enough to wind him.
When he reached the top of the stairs Sollux stood panting, staring at Karkat
lying stunned on the floor, his eyes drawn inexorably to the thin trickle of
candy-red blood that was pooling on the white tiles beneath the winged troll.
Looking from that to the sickles and back to Karkat's eyes, Sollux finally
understood what his subconscious had already realized.
Karkat had been trying to cut his wings off.
"Are you out of your eternally pitiful mind?" Sollux hissed at him, kneeling
and grabbing Karkat by the shirtfront, shaking him hard enough to knock his
head against the wall. "What were you thinking? Are you that dethperate to be
in pain? You jutht got them back, it'th a fucking miracle, how could you even
contemplate throwing them away like that? What ith wrong with you?"
"I'd rather lose them than you, damn it," Karkat yelled back at him. He seemed
to have recovered his breath, but apparently not his wits, because his words
didn't make the slightest bit of sense.
"What the fuck are you talking about? You're the one who'the been ignoring me
for three fucking nighth, Vantath," Sollux snapped back at him, shaking him
again. "And how the fuck would cutting your wingth off affect that? Shit, how
badly did you hurt yourthelf? Pleathe tell me you're not going to bleed out on
me, fuck."
He yanked Karkat away from the wall and pushed him down face-first to the
floor, ruthlessly grabbing the other troll by the horn when Karkat tried to
struggle. Only for a moment, but it was enough to leave Karkat limp and gasping
while Sollux frantically checked the bloody root of his wings.
Thankfully it looked like Karkat had only barely made contact when Sollux
stopped him. There was a nasty-looking slice that was bleeding as much as a
head wound would, which wasn't really surprising considering just how many
blood vessels were in the wings, but it wasn't deep. Judging by the way
Karkat's wings kept trying to twitch away from his grip, the muscle hadn't been
damaged either. Snatching up a towel, Sollux staunched the flow of blood from
the cut, trying to steady his hands. They kept shaking as the adrenaline wore
off and shock set in.
"It's all their fault, I fucking hate them," Karkat snarled when he'd recovered
enough to speak, though he didn't struggle again. "They ruined my entire life
once, and now they're going to do it again! What the hell good is being able to
fly if it means you won't pity me anymore?"
"Wait, what?" Shaking his head, Sollux tried to make sense of that and failed.
"Did you cull your few working bitth of grey matter before moving on to your
wingth? Thtart at the beginning, and ekthplain. Thlowly."
Taking a deep, trembling breath, Karkat started explaining. Sollux listened in
growing disbelief, stunned by the sheer stupidity of his matesprit's 'logic'.
Apparently he hadn't realized the full depths of Karkat's insecurities,
especially where their relationship was concerned. Fuck, and people said he
suffered from illogical moodswings.
"Are you fucking shitting me?" Sollux demanded when it seemed like Karkat was
finished. "That'th why you've been ignoring me for three fucking nightth,
torturing me, making me believe you thought you were too good for me now and
didn't want me anymore? Do you have any idea what you put me through?" Karkat
wasn't the only one with insecurities, after all.
To his gratification, Karkat flinched. "I didn't realize how it would seem to
you," he said, in the quietest voice Sollux had ever heard the other troll use.
"I never meant to hurt you, I swear. I was just... trying to put off the
inevitable, to cling to at least being able to call you my matesprit, for as
long as I could. I am so, so sorry."
The simple apology, combined with the near-whispered delivery, struck Sollux
hard. Both were completely uncharacteristic for Karkat, which meant the words
were truly heartfelt.
Then, to his astonishment, Karkat laid his cheek against the floor and closed
his eyes, every muscle in his body going lax, his fists unclenching and even
his wings stilling. It was as if Sollux had grabbed his horns again, a posture
of complete submission and utter vulnerability - but Karkat had done it
voluntarily.
The gesture shook Sollux to the core.
He had to pause for a moment to catch his breath, and will his blood pusher to
stop pounding quite so hard. "I could hate you tho much right now," he said,
keeping his voice level with an effort. Karkat winced, and Sollux continued. "I
could hate you, ekthept that I'm pitying you too hard for the way the thingle
working piethe of grey matter you can lay claim to appearth to be completely
mithfiring."
Karkat's eyes flew open, and he stared up at Sollux with an expression of
mingled hope and disbelief. Sollux narrowed his eyes back, and let a warning
growl creep into his voice. "Ekthactly how fucking shallow do you think I am?
You think the only thing that matterth to me ith your lookth? You think the
only reathon I pity you ith becauthe your wingth are mangled?"
"I..." Karkat started, but Sollux punched him in the back, right above where
his wings connected, and Karkat went quiet again with a little 'oof'.
"Shut the fuck up, KK, I'm talking right now," Sollux said. "Thothe were
rhetorical quethtionth, thinthe you don't theem to be able to figure that out
on your own. Dig the rotting grubth out of your auricular thpongeclotth, and
pay attention.
"I don't pity you becauthe your wingth are fucked up. I pity you for the thikth
thweepth of torture you were forthed to endure that ended up with them in that
thtate in the firtht plathe! I pity you for living alone in agony and fear,
knowing that you'd be culled eventually no matter what you did, thtruggling to
put it off for jutht one more day. I pity you becauthe you've already thuffered
more in your life than any other troll ever could underthtand, and I would do
anything to make sure you never have to feel pain like that again. I'm only
thcratching the thurfathe, here. Tho unleth you've magically had the retht of
your life re-written when your wingth were healed, the fact that you're no
longer in conthtant agony and don't have to worry about getting culled anymore
ith not going to be nearly enough to make up for all of the million and one
other reathonth I pity you!"
"Sollux..." Karkat stopped there, like he wasn't certain what to say. He looked
awed and humbled, which mollified Sollux just a little. It was a start, anyway.
"Get up," Sollux commanded, backing away and standing as well, to give Karkat
room to do the same.
Slowly Karkat pushed himself to his hands and knees, then scrambled to his
feet. He looked like he wasn't sure his legs would hold him, and he clutched at
the doorframe to keep himself steady.
"How bad are you hurt? Are you wingth working okay?" Sollux asked, studying him
for signs of injury. The wings were level, both fluttering at the same rate
with no sign of hesitation. "Can you fly?"
In answer Karkat sped his wings to a blur, and lifted half a foot off the
ground before settling down again. "Yeah, I'm fine," he said, still subdued.
"It's just a scratch, doesn't even hurt that bad."
"Good. I'd hate to have to kill my own matethprit, but I meant it that day when
I told you I'd rip apart anyone who even looked at them thidewayth," Sollux
said with grim humour. "Let'th go."
"What? Go where?" Karkat demanded, some of his usual spirit starting to show as
he balked and tried to avoid Sollux's grab for his hand.
Sollux was faster, and caught Karkat's fingers in his without much trouble.
"You owe me, KK," he said. "It'th going to take more than an apology to make up
for what you put me through. You're going to do everything I thay, without
quethtion or argument, until I dethide you've made up for it. Agreed?"
"What?" Natural paranoia was kicking in, and Sollux could practically see the
potential disasters racing through his matesprit's mind. Giving up control like
that went totally against Karkat's nature, but that was what would make it an
effective punishment. "What exactly are you planning to make me do?"
"No quethtionth," Sollux reminded him. "Do you agree, or not?" Seeing the way
Karkat was hovering on the verge of panic, he softened his voice just a little.
"You were willing to cut your own wingth off for the chanthe to keep me. Ith
thith really that much worthe?"
Taking a deep breath, Karkat squared his shoulders and looked him straight in
the eye, unwavering. "No, it's not. I'll do anything you want, if it means I
can stay with you." He swallowed. "Keep this up and I'm going to start
wondering how much I really should pity you, though. You're not being very
pathetic at the moment."
Sollux gave him a dark smile in return. "Jutht keep reminding yourthelf that
however bad I make you feel, it'th not even clothe to what you did to me over
the latht three nightth. That ought to keep the pity flowing strong."
"Yeah," Karkat agreed, wincing. "That's true. I'm sor..."
"Apologieth mean nothing, KK," Sollux cut him off. "It'th actionth I'm
interethted in. Let'th go." Mercilessly, he dragged his matesprit down the
stairs and out into the sunlight. Since the sun here didn't burn them, the
trolls had compromised with the humans and now spent the last part of the day
awake. The setting sun was nearly as red as Karkat's blood, which Sollux
thought was a nice effect.
"What do you want me to... shit, that's a question." Karkat eyed him nervously,
and his expression only got more worried as Sollux leaned in close and smiled
wider.
"I. Want. You. To. Fly," Sollux practically hissed at him. With no further
warning he grabbed Karkat with his powers and threw the other troll high into
the air.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The disorientation of finding himself abruptly high in the air and falling
wasn't any easier to handle the second time Karkat experienced it. This time at
least he knew he could fly, so he managed to keep himself from yelping, though
he did flail a bit before his instincts kicked in and his wings sped until he
was hovering.
He could feel the stinging pull on his left wing where the sickle had cut into
the flesh, and a trickle of something warm running down his back told him that
the movement had broken open the wound again. But the pain was minor and it
felt like hardly any blood at all, so he wasn't really worried about it.
He was incredibly grateful that Sollux had found and stopped him before he'd
carried out his intentions to cut the limbs off. Having nearly thrown it away
again, the ability to fly became all the more precious to him.
Karkat felt like a monumental idiot. As usual past him was a grubfucking
nookchafer, completely idiotic and overreacting to everything. Why couldn't the
moron ever take a moment to actually think through the likely consequences of
his actions? And why did it always seem so clear to him once he became future
him and was looking back on it? Of course Sollux wasn't that shallow. Of course
he wouldn't just dump Karkat.
Though he was still a little iffy on just what had been going on with Aradia
back there. And Sollux hadn't actually forgiven him, just said that Karkat
would have to make it up to him. Karkat might not be completely out of the
woods just yet.
"Would you stop doing that," he demanded irritably as Sollux lifted himself to
float beside Karkat in the air. "I can launch myself just fine, you know."
"Yeah, but then I wouldn't get to watch you panic for a minute when I firtht
throw you," Sollux said, more than a little smugly. "The look on your fathe ith
pretty funny before you remember that you can fly, KK."
"You are such an asshole, why do I even pity you?" Karkat muttered, rolling his
eyes. Then he realized what he'd just said and blanched. The teasing response
had been automatic after the sweeps they'd spent taunting each other online,
but given the current circumstances, it hadn't really been the most appropriate
thing to say. "I mean, of course I do, there's lots of reasons, I'm not just
going to stop even if you are being less pathetic and a lot more badass at the
moment..."
He would have continued, but faintly electric pressure clamped his jaw shut,
nearly making him bite his tongue in the process.
"That wath a quethtion, KK," Sollux pointed out, clearly amused. "That'th not
allowed, even if you're only athking yourthelf. I thaid I want you to fly, not
hover. What are you waiting for?"
"Some idea of what the fuck you actually want me to do, grubtard," Karkat
grumbled once his jaw was released. "Just saying 'fly' could mean damn near
anything."
"True. Okay, how about thith? We'll play tag." Sollux's mis-matched eyes
gleamed with something more than just his powers. "If you can keep me from
catching you, I'll forgive you and we'll pretend it never happened. I promithe
I'll only uthe my powerth to move mythelf, not you. I'll even give you a
headthtart. But no hiding."
"What? What happens if you catch me, you'll break up with me after all?" Karkat
said, unable to stop himself from asking.
Sollux only smirked at him. "Ten. Nine. Eight..."
"Oh, fuck," Karkat said, and shot straight up just as he had when running from
the sight of Sollux and Aradia. He heard Sollux reach 'seven' before he got out
of range, but he wouldn't put it past the asshole to cheat and not bother with
the rest of the countdown. Turning in mid-air, Karkat changed his angle to head
west, straight into the too-bright sun, hoping that Sollux wouldn't be able to
see him.
How fast could Sollux fly? Karkat had no idea, though Sollux couldn't be much
slower than him, since he'd arrived at Karkat's hive not too long after Karkat.
He might be much faster, depending on how long it had taken him to start
chasing Karkat.
On top of that Karkat was still injured, even if it was only minor, and still
unused to using these muscles. He'd tire quickly. Of course Sollux had already
made three long trips today, so hopefully he would tire soon as well. The
limits of the psychic's strength were something else Karkat didn't know.
Glancing behind him, Karkat swore when he saw Sollux soaring along in a crackle
of psychic energy. He wasn't nearly far enough away for Karkat's peace of mind,
and he was gaining. Fear lent speed to Karkat's wings and he started pulling
away again, but he could already tell he wasn't going to be able to keep that
up for long. Just outrunning him wasn't going to be enough, and Sollux said he
couldn't hide.
He'd have to out-manoeuvre him, then. Arching his back, Karkat turned his
straight-line flight into an upwards-curving arc, trading speed for height. A
quick check showed Sollux still on the same level, not bothering to follow him
upwards. Karkat was now heading back towards him, nearly upside down.
Flipping around, Karkat flattened his wings as best he could and turned the
curve into a dive. The height he'd gained was quickly converted back into speed
and then some, and he flashed by just out of Sollux's reach going almost
straight down, now moving faster than the other troll and headed in the
opposite direction.
Unfortunately he'd forgotten one very important factor - he needed to follow
the laws of physics, but Sollux didn't. The psychic didn't need to bank in an
arc to ditch his momentum and change directions, he could just turn around.
Karkat felt a sharp tug at his ankle as Sollux caught him briefly, and he
kicked out in panic. That broke the other troll's grip, but cost him some of
his speed. He lost more when he was forced to pull out of the dive again, and
now he was too close to the ground with Sollux hot on his heels.
He had no choice but to try for altitude again. He couldn't stay this low, it
was harder for him to fly with the rougher air currents near the ground but
Sollux had no such restriction. Swearing between sharp pants for air, Karkat
forced his wings to beat faster again as he changed his direction. He found an
updraft of warmer air and rode it, which helped him conserve his strength but
forced him to spiral upwards instead of going straight.
Laughter close behind him warned him that Sollux was catching up again, but
there was literally nothing Karkat could do about it. He spared a thought for
his sickles as Sollux drew level with him, left abandoned on the ablution block
floor. But it wasn't as if he could have equipped them even if he'd had them.
He didn't want to hurt Sollux, he just wanted not to get caught!
Not that Sollux was trying to grab him. The jerk was matching his spiral in the
opposite direction, twisting and twining around him, staying just out of reach.
"You'd be better off flying thtraight, you know," he said, sounding only
slightly winded. "You're fathter than me, but I'm more agile. Oh, but then I
thuppothe you'd probably get tired thooner if you were fighting the currentth
to go thtraight, wouldn't you?"
Karkat snarled and backwinged abruptly out of the updraft, catching another
breeze that was heading away and levelling out. Sollux followed the manoeuvre
easily, the purple haze at the edge of his power aura crackling right at
Karkat's feet. Already Karkat could feel the muscles in his back protesting the
strenuous use he was putting them through, and he wasn't flying as fast as he
had been before. He hit a cross-breeze and dropped three feet before he managed
to straighten out again, and Sollux stayed right on his tail.
The asshole wasn't even trying, Karkat realized, enraged. Sollux was taunting
him, playing with him like a pouncebeast would toy with a squeaker, letting
Karkat wear himself out until...
Playing with him?
Flaring his wings, Karkat came to a sudden stop and hovered. Sollux actually
overshot him before turning back to face him, head tilted to one side and a
quizzical look on his face. "Giving up already, KK?" he asked. "Not like you to
admit defeat."
There was no hint of aggression in his demeanour. He was still laughing, his
eyes alight with glee that wasn't quite on the safe side of manic anymore, and
his expression was filled with joy like a little wriggler on Twelfth Perigee's
Eve.
Sollux was having fun, happier than Karkat could ever remember seeing him
before.
And so was he, Karkat realized when he took a moment to examine his own
feelings. He was breathless and flushed with exertion, thrilled by the
challenge of trying to outthink and outmanoeuvre Sollux, and literally having
the time of his life. At least, once he got past the panic of thinking that
losing meant he would also lose Sollux.
"Not even close, asshole," Karkat jeered, and took off straight up again. He
didn't worry about finding an updraft this time, didn't fret about how much
strength he was wasting fighting the air currents like this. There was no point
in saving his stamina; that only made the game less fun.
Sollux whooped and chased after him, catcalling. "Trying to get above me, KK?
That'th gonna backfire, you know. You need a thertain amount of denthity in the
air to thtay aloft, but I don't!"
It was true, Karkat could already tell that he was having to work harder to
keep the same pace. His breathing had turned fast and short, as much from the
thinner air as from the effort of flying. He could feel his blood pusher
working overtime, trying to circulate his blood faster to make sure his body
got all the oxygen it needed.
Another few minutes of flying straight up and Karkat was growing dizzy. It was
a nearly euphoric sensation, despite the way his head was starting to pound. He
glanced back to see how Sollux was faring, and was pleased to find his
matesprit still close behind him. Sollux had ceased laughing, needing to
conserve his air as well, but the manic grin was still plastered over his face.
Once more Karkat stopped to hover abruptly, and once again Sollux nearly shot
past him before he could react to the change. This time Karkat reached out and
snagged him, catching him firmly by the shoulder and hip, claws digging into
the other troll's clothes to keep him there. The crackle of psychic energy
crawled along his arms, but it didn't hurt.
Karkat grinned into Sollux's startled expression. "You didn't say what I'd win
if I caught you," he pointed out, wings fluttering fast to keep them both in
place.
"I thought it kinda went without thaying," Sollux purred, his eyes half closing
as he reached for Karkat in turn. "Thame thing I would've gotten."
They met in a hot, passionate kiss, biting at each other's lips and then
licking to soothe the tiny hurts. Karkat tasted blood, his and Sollux's, and it
made desire flare as hot as the sun he could still feel on his back. He
clutched tighter at his matesprit, tangling their legs so they could grind
their groins together, and gasped against Sollux's lips in the thin air.
Sollux was panting just as hard, now, his hands running up and down over
Karkat's back. Every time he brushed against the base of his wings Karkat
shivered and moaned, writhing into the touch. He'd always loved it when Sollux
touched his wings, but it was about a hundred times better now that they were
whole and he could feel them properly.
When he felt Sollux's hand drop to his pants, Karkat pulled back enough to give
him a wide-eyed look. "Are you nuts?" he blurted out. "Here? Now?"
"Quethtionth," Sollux reminded him. "The ruleth thtill apply, KK."
"Fuck." Shivering with equal parts lust and terror, Karkat reached for Sollux's
pants as well. They both needed to concentrate to be able to stay aloft -
something that was awfully hard to do when somebody had their hand around your
bulge. But the instinctive fear of falling just made the desire even hotter,
and his hands were shaking when Karkat got one of them inside Sollux's pants.
Sollux was already half extended, his mutant double bulges twining eagerly
around Karkat's hand. Karkat had long since stopped thinking of them as
strange, instead just appreciating the fact that he could give his matesprit
twice as much pleasure. He curled his fingers and stroked the length of them,
loving the strangled noises Sollux made in reply.
The grinding of Sollux's hand over his bone mound finally coaxed his bulge out
as well, and Karkat moaned breathlessly as Sollux rubbed it gently. After days
apart he was desperate for Sollux's familiar touch, and already he could feel
his shame globes throbbing in response.
They weren't going to be able to have full-out sex like this, not unless they
wanted to risk losing their pants. The thought of having to land half-naked was
considerably more embarrassing than hot, even though Karkat knew there probably
wouldn't be anybody to see them. He was more than happy to just touch and
stroke for now. They could do the rest later, when they got back to his hive.
Anyway, there was one very serious deterrent to them going very far at the
moment. "Somehow I don't think we're going to be able to manage a pail," he
panted, shivering as Sollux continued to stroke him.
Sollux chuckled softly. "Yeah? Tho what? Let it rain, who careth?"
"That's fucking disgusting," Karkat said, appalled by the thought even as the
increasing throb in his groin indicated that he wouldn't really mind. "How
would you like to be the sorry asshole walking around who got that falling on
their head?"
"We're tho high up it probably won't even hit the ground, jutht evaporate,"
Sollux said, tugging a little harder on his bulge and stroking his wings at the
same time.
Karkat whined louder and his wings stilled momentarily. They dropped abruptly,
falling several feet before Karkat caught them again. Only then did he realize
that Sollux was no longer using his powers to stay in the air, relying entirely
on Karkat's wings. "A little help keeping us up would be nice," Karkat growled,
feeling the strain of exertion starting to really set in.
"I already fell hard for you, KK," Sollux murmured. "Falling again together
would be good thymbolithm, don't you think?"
The line was so cheesy Karkat couldn't stop himself from laughing, but it
touched him deeply just the same. It also scared the shit out of him. "Funny, I
thought you were in one of your manic moods, not the depressive suicidal one.
If we die here, I don't think there's any dream bubbles for us to 'live' in
anymore, idiot."
"It'th a fucking long way down," Sollux pointed out, his grin sharp-edged.
"Don't you trutht me to catch uth before we hit the ground?"
"I don't trust any idea you get when you're manic, thank you," Karkat informed
him with a wince. "Your judgement is more than a little off, Captor."
"Conthider it an order, then. You agreed not to argue." Sollux's eyes glittered
as he issued the blatant challenge.
"You crazy fucker," Karkat breathed out, disbelieving.
And he let them fall.
The rush of air flowing past them as they picked up speed was like a physical
caress against Karkat's sensitive wings. He shuddered and writhed, torn between
that and the equally intense feel of Sollux's hand on his bulge. It was hard to
breathe, it felt like the air was being torn out of him by the force of their
passage, and he was dizzy with lack of air and pleasure.
The ground was still far below, but it was coming towards them faster than
Karkat would have believed was possible. Fear proved to be a powerful
stimulant, his bloodpusher racing and the need for release building fast.
Karkat cried out again and again, bucking into Sollux's touch and straining to
reach the breaking point. Before the ground broke them.
Sollux came first, his cry high-pitched and drawn out, genetic fluid whipped
away by the wind of their passage. Karkat was right behind him, nearly
screaming with the force of pleasure and emotions both, arching into Sollux's
touch on him and clinging like he would never let go.
Too close, they were too close to the ground, he was certain of it even though
his eyes had closed at the moment of release. Panicking, he tried to spread his
wings to slow their fall, but the pressure of the wind kept them plastered
almost painfully to his back. If he did manage to get them open, he was afraid
they would be torn right off. "Sollux!"
Crackling electricity raced over his body, tickling rather than hurting, and
suddenly the force of the wind faded. Breathless, Karkat opened his eyes to
find a purple haze enveloping them both - and the ground just a few dozen feet
below where they hovered.
"Thee? I told you I'd catch uth," Sollux said nonchalantly, like they hadn't
just come within feet of splattering their think pans all over the forest. He
righted them and lowered them slowly to the ground, their feet touching down so
gently Karkat almost didn't believe he was really standing on something solid.
Laughter filled the air, but it took Karkat a dizzy moment to realize it was
coming from him. "You psychotic mutant grubfucker, you are out of your
taintchafing think pan," he said, shaking his head and gasping for air between
whoops of half-hysterical laughter. "It's no wonder I pity you! You'd get
yourself killed without someone to look after you."
"You sure about that, KK?" Sollux asked, leaning in so he could lower his
voice. His mis-matched eyes were locked on Karkat's, but his expression was
shuttered so Karkat couldn't read it easily. "I'm not blind anymore, but I
don't have the voitheth back, either. Ithn't that why you thaid you pitied me
in the firtht place? 'At leatht my mind ith my own, you can't even thay that
much', I think were your ekthact wordth. Tho here I am, thtill a powerful
pthychic but without the downthide of having the voitheth of the dead driving
me crathy. I don't have to worry now about being culled for my mutationth, or
made into a helmthman. I don't even have a dead matethprit to grieve over,
anymore. Sure you thtill pity me?"
His voice had been level throughout his little speech, but it wavered just
slightly on the last words and Karkat caught a flash of uncertainty in Sollux's
eyes. Outlining all the ways in which he was not pitiful like that had to be
difficult.
"You're still a bi-polar freak who can barely take care of himself, voices or
no voices," Karkat said, laughter fading. "Like you said about me, you still
went through all that. I know you still blame yourself for what happened to
Megido, even if she's fine now. And... you're still the only person I trust
enough to open up to, and that will never change."
It was true, he realized as he said it. He had no qualms about being vulnerable
in front of Sollux, he had never feared that Sollux might turn on him, only
that he would turn away. Only for Sollux would he ever have let himself fall
like that - both literally and figuratively.
But his words had reminded him of the one issue that still remained, eating at
his emotions and leaving him unsteady on his feet. "Don't... don't feel like
you have to stay with me, though," he said, subdued. "It looked like you two
were making up your differences, and you were with her first."
"Yeah, we thorted everything out," Sollux said, and shrugged. There was a funny
half-smile playing over his lips as he looked back at Karkat. "You never
theemed like the type of troll to get jealouth of your matethprit's moirail,
KK. I thought you underthtood and honoured the quadrantth better than that."
"Of course I wouldn't be jealous of your moirail, what does that have to do
with... moirail?" Karkat broke off, stunned as the real implication behind
Sollux's words hit him. "You guys are moirails now?"
"Yeah," Sollux said, and his smile softened. The way it usually only did for
Karkat, but a little to his surprise he wasn't jealous seeing it directed at
someone else. Maybe if he hadn't already known and accepted that Sollux still
pitied Aradia despite his feelings for Karkat, it would have been harder to
deal with.
"Well... good," Karkat said, and surprised himself by meaning it.
On second thought, it wasn't at all surprising. If Aradia was happy to be
Sollux's moirail, that meant Karkat didn't need to worry about her wanting to
restart their previous matespritship. Sollux was all his.
"Tho are you going to quit being an idiotic wriggler and thtop avoiding me?"
Sollux asked, a touch acidly. "Got it all thorted out in your think pan now?
I'll be happy to thchoolfeed you again if you need it, as many timeth ath I
have to. I like having you at my merthy and unable to argue, actually."
"In your dreams, Captor," Karkat growled, putting all the heat that he felt
behind the sound. He was pleased to see Sollux shiver in response. "As soon as
we clean up, we are going back to my hive, and I'm going to thoroughly
schoolfeed you in why it's a bad idea to fucking taunt me like that. I thought
you were seriously going to dump me if I let you catch me!"
"Jutht goeth to show you thtill haven't learned your lethon," Sollux laughed, a
manic edge still in the sound. "I'll keep rubbing your nub in it until you
figure it out, KK. You're never getting rid of me."
"Fine. Last one back to my hive has to do whatever the other one says until
dawn," Karkat declared, and launched himself into the air before he was even
finished speaking. He was faster than Sollux in a straight line, Sollux had
admitted it, and he was definitely looking forward to a little revenge.
The air shimmered purple in front of him, and he slammed into what felt like a
solid wall before he could pull up or change direction. Laughing, Sollux soared
past him, psionics crackling. "You forgot to thay I couldn't cheat, KK!" he
called back over his shoulder gleefully.
"You asshole, I'm going to make you pay for that," Karkat shouted, zipping
around the mental obstruction and struggling to catch up. Never let it be said
that he turned down a challenge.
Even if he didn't really mind losing this one.
Chapter End Notes
     I'm sorry I fail so much at answering comments, I try to at least get
     to the ones that ask questions or make statements about the fic. But
     I swear I appreciate every single one! I'm just lazy/working on the
     next piece/horribly shy and never know what to say to show my
     appreciation properly.
     ETA:
     Beautiful_fanart by Dexteri!
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