Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1975695.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      One_Direction_(Band)
  Relationship:
      Harry_Styles/Louis_Tomlinson, Niall_Horan/Harry_Styles
  Character:
      Harry_Styles, Louis_Tomlinson, Niall_Horan, Zayn_Malik
  Additional Tags:
      Incest, Dubious_Consent, Domestic_Violence, Rape/Non-con_Elements, Drug
      Use, Sexual_Abuse, Brother/Brother_Incest, Dark, Tragedy, Tragic_Romance,
      Emotional_Manipulation, Depression, Harry's_a_slut, according_to
      everyone, Religious_Conflict, triggering, There_might_be_a_happy_ending,
      But_maybe_not, probably_not, Soz, Cheating, Infidelity, Brief_mention_of
      abortion
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-07-18 Updated: 2014-09-06 Chapters: 3/? Words: 7143
****** 'Tis Pity He's a Whore ******
by CarbonInsolence
Summary
     While Harry is trying to maintain his relationship with his boyfriend
     Niall Horan, he is also trying to hide his sexual relationship with
     his brother Louis.
     In a hugely religious village where everybody knows everybody and
     everyone has things to hide, Harry's shameful secrets are slowly
     slipping out.
     It's Christmas Eve, and come New Year's eve Harry will have no where
     to hide.
***** 24th December (Christmas Eve) *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
What's the difference between love and obsession? Didn't both make you stay up
all night, wandering the streets, a victim of your own imagination, your own
heartbeat? Didn't you fall into both, headfirst into quicksand? Wasn't every
man in love a fool and every woman a slave?
Love was like rain: it turned to ice, or it disappeared. Now you saw it, now
you couldn't find it no matter how hard you might search. Love evaporated,
obsession was realer; it hurt, like a pin in your bottom, a stone in your shoe.
A morning phone call filled with regret. A letter that said 'Dear you, goodbye
from me'. Obsession tasted like something familiar. Something you'd known your
whole life. It settled and lurked; it stayed with you.
- Alice Hoffman, The Ice Queen
                                       -
Giovanni: Say that we had one father, say one womb
                  (Curse to my joys) gave us life and birth;
                  Are we not therefore each to other bound
                  So much the more by nature; by the links
                  Of Blood, of reason? Nay, if you will have’t
                  Even of religion, to be ever one:
                  One soul, one flesh, one love, one heart, one all?
- John Ford, ‘Tis Pity She’s a Whore
                                       -
 
Niall tastes like honey and nutmeg and chocolate and happiness.
Harry giggles as he feathers kisses down his neck and gasps and whimpers
endearingly as he enters him. They stare into each other's eyes as they make
love. Niall wraps his hand around Harry's length and strokes until he spills
all over his palms.
They cuddle in the white, floaty sheets and Harry is so happy because Niall is
good and innocent and just so beautiful and right.
'I love you,' He sighs trailing his fingers through Harry's curls. Harry is so
happy and he relishes Niall’s words. 'God, I love you so much.'
The silver crosses they both always wear around their necks seem to shine a
little brighter.
'I love you,' Harry whispers back.
Their love is quiet and private and safe.
It lights up the room.
                                       -
Louis tastes like blood and alcohol and sex and hate.
He groans as Harry drags his teeth down his neck and lines himself up with his
cock. He's straddling Louis and he's so hard. He pushes down taking Louis all
in one go and they both cry out. When Harry's rhythm becomes too slow, Louis
flips him around and fucks him till he screams.
They collapse onto the black, crumpled sheets and Harry is coming because Louis
is his brother and he's so deep inside him and it's so fucking wrong but so
good.
'I love you,' Louis says dragging his fingers through Harry's hair. He looks so
sad. 'Oh God, I love you so much.'
'I love you,' Harry whispers back.
There love is fire and passion and rage.
The feeling of shame fills the room.
                                       -
6 days and 23 hours
 
The loathing Louis felt towards Niall Horan was an all-consuming sort of
loathing. When he was around he was all Louis could think of. He hated
absolutely everything about him.
Louis had watched as Niall lifted a glass of eggnog to his lips. It was
Christmas Eve at the Styles-Tomlinson house and Niall was there celebrating an
early Christmas with his loving (or so he thought) boyfriends family. Louis
curled his hands into fists as he watch Niall take his brother Harry’s hand
affectionately and comfortably, as though he knew Harry was all his and nothing
was going to change that.
The next couple of minutes had been a blur as he watched Harry laugh at
something Niall said and pull him in for a goodbye kiss. They would see each
other again in the New Year since later that evening Niall was travelling to
his grandma’s for Christmas. It was a chaste kiss and Louis felt his mother
sigh next to him.
‘They’re so cute,’ she said to his father. ‘They go so well together.’
His father had nodded but Louis knew he didn’t think so. Aside from his mother
his whole family were hard-core Christians just like the rest of Holmes Chapel,
the sleepy town where the Styles –Tomlinson family resided. Louis knew his
father’s love of his son was dependent on him liking tits. But, his mother
thought otherwise and relished Harry and Niall’s relationship.
It made Louis’ blood boil.
There was a simple reason for Louis’ loathing of Niall. He wanted to be in his
position. He wanted people to think it was normal when he took Harry’s hands.
He wanted people to be happy for him when he kissed his brother. He wanted
people to want his relationship with his brother to last for ever.
He didn’t want Niall to be able to touch his brother the way only he should be
able to. He didn’t want Harry to let Niall kiss him and hold him, and fuck him
in the same way he let Louis.
He didn’t want Niall to be able to call Harry his boyfriend when he would only
be able to settle for brother.
                                       -
Louis has considered killing Niall Horan.
No really.
He's thought about it. Fantasised about it. Wanked about it.
He would rape him first. He would fuck him so hard his pretty little arse would
rip and bleed and he would cry and beg for mercy.
He would wait until he was really crying. Sobbing so hard his body shook
underneath him, that he could hardly breathe.
Then he would tell him.
'This is what I do to my brother,' he would say as he continued to pound into
him. 'That's right. Your whore of a boyfriend begs for his own siblings cock at
night and he loves it and worships it like I'm his fucking deity.'
Then he would fuck him some more.
He hasn't decided on how he would actually kill the pretty little blond boy.
Maybe he would choke him with his cock.
Maybe he would slit his throat.
He kind of liked the idea of Niall coming as he died. Maybe he would seduce him
and screw him and wank him until beautiful streams of white were shooting out
his cock and then he would kill him and his mouth would form a little 'o' in
shock and Harry would be all his forever.
But Harry probably wouldn't like that. Louis was absolutely certain that Harry
was a complete whore and cursed the defect in his brain which had made him fall
in love with someone so sinful, but Louis knew that despite his ways Harry was
capable of loving Niall and a dead Niall would hurt him.
Louis couldn't do that. Harry is his everything.
                                       -
6 days and 12 hours
 
'I don't want you to see him again,' Louis whispers into Harry's ear.
It's the dead of night. At this hour everything is silent and it feels like
nothing else in the world exists apart from the two brothers who are lying
naked in the afterglow of sex, curled up, limbs tangled together, in the middle
of a bed that seems slightly too large. The covers are twisted around them, not
really covering anything but neither of them cares. The room's too warm anyway
and both of them like to be able to run their hand across the others skin and
watch the way the light from the moon, which is reflected of the snow, bathes
the other.
Louis hears an intake of breath and Harry is silent for a couple of seconds.
'You can't ask that Louis,' he says quietly. He sounds tired and worn out.
Louis feels something inside of him drop and for a moment everything stops and
all he can listen to is the silence of the rest of the house and the ringing
inside his ears.
He presses his lips into Harry's neck. 'I can,' he says. It comes out as a
whine. 'I can. I want you for myself. You're mine. All mine.'
Louis is aware of how desperate he sounds but he doesn't care. He is desperate.
Harry draws Louis' face towards his and presses a light kiss to his lips. 'You
have me boo,' he whispers. 'I love you more than I ever should. But you can't
ask me to stop seeing him. People would suspect us then.'
Louis is suddenly absolutely furious and he has to hold himself back from
slapping the slut. He’s been trying to stop doing that. He had marked up
Harry’s pretty face only a month ago and Harry had been forced to lie to his
mother about the cause of his black eye. Of course she had believed him because
she was just a silly woman with no understanding of her favourite son, but
Louis had been grateful anyway.
Harry hadn’t seemed to mind. He had been back in Louis bed the following night
and had let Louis fuck him till he cried so he can’t have been to torn up about
it.
Probably liked it.
Either way Louis doesn’t want to mar Harry’s beauty again so he restrains from
punching him in the mouth. He’ll only do that if Harry really annoys him.
Instead Louis holds Harry tighter, flush against his body as though he might be
taken away from him if he lets go even for a second. Perhaps he’s holding him a
bit too tight, but as long as it reminds him he belongs to Louis that’s all
that matters.
'This is my final year of college and then it’s university,' Louis says. 'I
won't be around to make sure… to make sure…'
He trails of and Harry frowns at him. 'To make sure what?' he asks running his
thumb across Louis lips, reassuring him.
Louis shakes his head. 'It doesn't matter.'
He doesn’t want to sound weak. He doesn’t want Harry to think he has one over
on him.
'Of course it does love,' Harry breaths trailing his fingers down Louis'
abdomen. Louis knows Harry can feel the way Louis has stiffened, like he's
scared of something so he tries to relax. 'Everything you say matters.'
'To make sure you don't fall in love with him.'
Harry's fingers halt suddenly and Louis clutches him even tighter so that it
hurts. It’ll probably leave marks.
Please, he wants to say. It kills me when I see you with him, smiling at him
the way you should be smiling at me. I hate him for being able to touch what's
mine.
But he doesn’t say it because he’s better than Harry. He’s always known that.
Harry’s just his stupid slaggy brother that he accidently fell in love with, so
he won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that his relationship with Niall
hurts him.
'It's always going to be you Lou,' Harry murmurs. 'Just you.'
There's a part of Louis that doesn't believe Harry because who could trust
someone who’s so eager to offer themselves up to whoever wants to fuck them,
but he lets him feather kisses further and further down his chest anyway. When
Harry's lips reach their destination Louis' eyes roll back and he lets out a
little gasp, forgetting all his worries for just a little while.
It's Christmas Eve and everything is silent in the Styles-Tomlinson household
apart from Louis soft mews.
It's snowing outside and a storm is coming.
Chapter End Notes
     Thank's so much for reading! The second chapter will be up soon.
     This story is slightly based on 'Tis Pity She's a Whore, by John
     Ford.
     Any comments or notes on typo's or grammatical errors that I have
     missed would be greatly received.
***** 25th December (Christmas Day) *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Hamlet: O shame! where is thy blush? Rebellious hell,
                 If thou canst mutine in a matron's bones, 
                To flaming youth let virtue be as wax,
                And melt in her own fire: proclaim no shame 
                When the compulsive ardour gives the charge,
                Since frost itself as actively doth burn 
                And reason panders will. 
- Hamlet, Shakespear
                                       -
Friar: O Giovanni! Hast thou left the schools
           Of knowledge, to converse with lust and death?
- ‘Tis Pity She’s a Whore, John Ford
                                       -
6 days 5 hours
 
Harry panics when he wakes up. He’s still in Louis’ room and it’s eight in the
morning. Their mother could have come in at any moment to wake them up for
their annual Christmas breakfast before church and it would have been a
disaster to find both her sons naked in bed together.
He slips out of bed careful not to wake his brother who would no doubt want him
again if he saw him slipping away. Usually Harry would have let him in the
interest of keeping him happy, but today it was just too risky. He pulls on the
pyjamas Louis had ripped of him the night before and slips out the door slowly
shutting it softly behind him.
He’s gets about six steps down the hall before he bumps into his father who’s
heading down to the kitchen.
His father eyes him suspiciously and looks at Louis’ bedroom door which Harry
has clearly just come out of. ‘What the hell are you doing?’
‘I just…’ Harry says racking his brains for an excuse. ‘I just went to see if
he wanted to open presents with me.’
His father narrows his eyes. ‘As if he’d want to open presents with you, you
pansy.’
Harry lowers his gaze. His father’s never been comfortable with him since the
day that he and Niall were outed by one of their teachers who thought it vital
that his family knew exactly what he and Niall were getting up to behind the
bike shed at school. His father had never really said anything about it
directly to Harry since the initial argument, but instead chose to pepper him
with derogatory insults as often as possible. It was just silence and passing
comments like these that told Harry that his father no longer thought of him as
a worthy son.
‘That’s what Louis said,’ Harry says playing the self-depreciating card.
‘Good,’ His father says. ‘That boy knows what’s good for him.’
Harry feels a couple of drops of Louis cum slide from his hole down his legs
and hopes it doesn’t stain his pyjamas.
‘Go get ready for church,’ His father says before sweeping of down the hall.
When Harry gets to his bathroom he feels dirty. He’s been trying so hard to be
good for everyone. He’s gone on dates to Manchester with Niall and afterwards
let him kiss him and loved him. He’s helped his mother with the shopping and
cooking. He’s stayed out of his father’s way as much as possible and he’s let
Louis fuck him whenever he feels like it.
But he just feels so dirty.
He thinks back to what Louis said the night before.
‘I don’t want you to see him again.’
Harry can honestly say that he loves Niall. He misses him even now. But his
feelings are no different towards Louis. Granted it’s a different sort of love.
A love that makes him blush and throb between his legs. A love which makes his
heart hurt. His love for Louis makes him feel disgusting. But it’s still there.
He doesn’t want to lose him.
                                       -
6 days 3 hours
 
Church is as bad for Harry as it’s always been since he was unceremoniously
dragged out of the proverbial closet. There’s only one church in Holmes Chapel,
at the centre of town which is apt since the whole community is centred around
it.
He hears people tutting when he walks past. He’s behind his family which seems
to make his father happy. It shows a clear divide as if to say Harry’s only
there because he’s legally bound to them, not out of love.
‘Why is he still allowed in here,’ he hears Perrie Edwards shrilly ask her
mother.
Harry thinks that’s a little hypocritical of her seeing that he’s pretty
certain that if her parents knew of her choice in partner they wouldn’t be too
happy either. Zayn was a Muslim after all.
Harry takes his place beside his brother as far away from his father as he can
manage. They’re slightly late since his father had been shouting about his lack
of good ties so they’re near the back but Harry can still hear the Father
Geoffrey Payne telling the story of Mary and Joseph and the birth of Jesus.
He mutters along with the Lord’s Prayer and sings Silent Night along with the
rest of the congregation but it’s not the same as it was before. He used to be
able to immerse himself in the service but these days he focuses too much on
the judging looks of the rest of the villages and the heat of the gaze from his
brother.
His hyperawareness towards his brother doesn’t help either. Since their
relationship started Harry’s always been acutely aware of his brother when he’s
close to him. Harry’s always found Louis pure sexuality and being so close is
downright distracting.
He shakes the thought of Louis bending him over a pew and goes back to singing
about the Lord being his shepherd. He’s in a church after all.
Maybe that’s why his father’s embarrassed by him and Louis calls him a whore.
He’s thinking about sex with his brother in a house of God.
Harry’s cheeks flush and he feels as dirty as he did that morning.
                                       -
5 days 15 hours
 
Christmas Dinner is a raucous family affair and Louis is miserable. His and
Harry's grandparents from both sides are here to make merry and socialise even
though he's pretty sure his mom's parents have never gotten over her marrying
their dad, viewing him as a stifling bigot.
And it's not just grandparents who are there but cousins, aunts and uncles who
Louis only see's once a year and doesn't particularly want to see any more
often than that.
'Harry,' Aunt Meredith is saying. 'You've grown into such a handsome boy. Shame
about your choice in partner, wouldn't you agree Father?'
Geoffrey Payne, the village priest, and his son have also been invited. Father
Payne’s wife died eight months ago so his father had invited him round. After
all, a man without a wife couldn’t possibly be expected to cook for himself on
Christmas day.
Father Payne looks at Harry like he’s nothing more than dirt on his boots.
‘Indeed.’
His son (Louis thinks his name might be Liam) is beside him and looks at his
shoes quickly as if to avoid Harry’s gaze out of embarrassment for his father’s
views.
Their family has always been devoutly religious. It's not something that Louis'
ever been drawn into, but Harry takes it very seriously. To be honest the whole
village of Holmes Chapel is very religious which was why there had been so much
outrage at the Styles-Tomlinson family for allowing the relationship between
Niall and Harry to flourish. Louis snorts. If only they knew what was really
going on inside the walls of their house.
It’s hurt Harry though. He used to be massively involved with the church. He
was in the choir and helped out at Sunday school with the toddlers. But he’d
been ostracised. Not literally but he’d been told not to come back for anything
but normal services. Harry had cried and cried.
‘Is it so wrong?’ He had asked Louis.
Louis had assured him that of course it wasn’t. He had then proceeded to strip
Harry of all his clothes in order to fuck him while he cried.
Indeed Louis is much inclined to agree with Aunt Meredith’s comment about Niall
being a poor choice in partner but not for the same reasons as her. Anyhow,
Niall was spending Christmas in Ireland, so Louis had Harry to himself for a
while.
Louis really hates them all. It makes perfect sense. If it wasn't for them and
their judgey ways Louis would be free to love Harry in whatever way he liked.
Harry wouldn’t even need Niall to hide their relationship.
At dinner Grace is led by Louis and Harry's father and Louis hears Harry
muttering along beside him.
As Harry is thanking God for the food before them Louis spreads the tablecloth
over their laps so they’re not seen and cups Harry's crotch.
Harry falters saying Amen
Grace being done their mother drowns on about Harry's achievements at school in
a failed attempt to convince the family that Harry’s sexuality is not the end
of the world. Louis slowly pulls down the zip on Harry's jeans. When his cock
is finally fully in Louis' hand, Harry makes a gasping noise.
'No, Lou,' Harry says under his breath. ‘No!’
'Shh, shh baby,' Louis says as quietly as he can. 'Relax.'
The conversation at the table is in full swing. Their father is complaining
about the Prime Minister and their mother is still talking about Harry.
'Not now, Louis,' Harry whispers. He sounds like he might cry and Louis doesn’t
believe that he could not want this.
'Stay still and they won't see us.' Harry is hard and pre cum is leaking all
over his fingers. Louis takes this as confirmation that Harry likes what he’s
doing.
'Stop,' Harry says and reaches down to grapple with Louis hand as subtly as
possible.
Louis slaps his hand away. 'No,' he says and goes back to stroking his length
while sipping water.
'I don't want it,' Harry says and then whimpers. Louis feels another spurt of
pre-cum drip from the tip of his cock. Liar, he thinks.
'Are you quite alright dear?' Their mother asks concerned for her favourite
son.
'I'm fine,' he strains and Louis' fingers swipe over the head of his cock.
Louis wonders what she would think of her favourite son if she knew.
I have his cock in my hand, he thinks. He's literally about to come all over me
under the dinner table and we're your sons, he thinks.
‘Please no,’ Harry whispers.
Then he comes silently and shakily next to him.
'Lou,' he hears Harry sigh. Louis looks back at Harry. His cheeks are flushed
and there are tears in his eyes. He blinks them away.
Louis tucks Harry's cock back into his pants. 'Eat up.'
'Lou I didn't- I didn't want-' But Harry cuts of seemingly deciding against
completing his sentence.
He shakily takes as sip of his juice and Louis smirks at a job well done.
He doesn't even notice the alarmed look Liam Payne is giving them from across
the table.
                                       -
5 days 12 hours
 
Later Louis is outside their house smoking and looking out across the village.
It's a cold evening and it’s been a white Christmas. Right now however the snow
has stopped and instead clouds are swirling in the sky.
Everyone’s been saying a massive storm is coming.
Fog has gathered round the church in the distance making it look even more
ominous than Louis’ ever thought before.
That institution is the reason I can’t love him, Louis thinks.
He hears a chorus of laughs from inside the house and breathes out a puff of
smoke. He doesn't belong with them. Everything about him screams out of place,
from his incestual lust towards his brother to his nicotine addiction. He
doesn't fit into this twee little village.
He hears a creek as the back door opens. Liam Payne steps out.
Louis knows very little about Liam Payne other than the fact that he's the
priest’s son and used to go to choir practice with Harry after church every
Sunday. That and he's almost too nice to be real. Apparently he was the only
one in the choir who said that Harry should be able to stay despite his
homosexuality.
'Hello Louis,' Liam says.
'What do you want?' Louis replies. 'Come to lecture me about the dangers of
smoking.'
'No,' Liam says. 'I just... I want you to know that I'm not saying this to be
cruel.'
Louis blinks and blows out a puff of smoke. 'You're not saying what to be
cruel?'
Liam takes a deep breath. 'Your relationship with your brother goes against
everything God ever taught humanity. It's a sin and I don't want you to suffer
for it.'
Louis stomach does several flips and he drops his cigarette.
‘What?’ he says shakily.
 ‘It’s called genetic sexual attraction. Or GSA for short,’ Liam says. He holds
up his smart phone which has a Wikipedia page open on the screen. ‘I just
looked it up.’
Louis freezes. He doesn’t know what to say. ‘You… that’s not true.’
‘Louis-’
‘You’re sick,’ Louis says backing away from Liam as if distance will make him
go away. ‘You’re a sick fuck.’
‘It’s okay-’
‘Fuck off,’ Louis hisses. He doesn’t want anyone else to hear. ‘Fuck off you
weirdo. I would never do that, so fuck of you perverted-’
‘I saw you,’ Liam says desperately. ‘I saw what you did to him at dinner.’
Louis’ eyes widen.
‘You’re a liar. I did nothing to him.’
‘Yes you did,’ Liam insists. ‘You touched him under the table.’
Louis shakes his head in denial. ‘No, no, no, you didn’t see that.’
‘I did,’ Liam insists, voice straining. ‘I did and I can help you.’
Then Louis launches himself at Liam, pinning him against the wall so he can’t
move.
‘You can’t tell,’ Louis says. ‘If you tell I’ll kill you.’
Maybe he should just kill him now. But he would never be able to hide that.
‘I won’t tell,’ Liam says. He can’t breathe properly because of the way he’s
being shoved against the wall. Louis’ holding him by his throat. ‘I won’t.’
‘Won’t you?’ Louis demands. ‘Won’t you?’
‘No, no!’ Liam says. ‘Let me go you’re choking me.’
Louis does. He lets Liam off the wall and pushes him to the floor.
‘Don’t you ever mention this again,’ he snaps towering over him.
‘I can help you. If you let me help you let God in I can-’
‘Fuck off,’ Louis hisses. ‘If you speak of this again I will kill you.’
He storms back into the house leaving Liam on his back and gasping for air in
the snow.
Thunder claps and the storm the weather man’s been predicting for days roles
closer.
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks for reading :) I hope you liked it! Any thoughts you have
     would be much appreciated :)
***** 26th December (Boxing Day) *****
Chapter Notes
     Hi! I'm sorry I took so long to update, but here's the next chapter.
     I'm sorry if it's not up to scratch, so I'm not sure how I feel about
     this one, but the next one should be better.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Doubt as sin. — Christianity has done its utmost to close the circle and
declared even doubt to be sin. One is supposed to be cast into belief without
reason, by a miracle, and from then on to swim in it as in the brightest and
least ambiguous of elements: even a glance towards land, even the thought that
one perhaps exists for something else as well as swimming, even the slightest
impulse of our amphibious nature — is sin! And notice that all this means that
the foundation of belief and all reflection on its origin is likewise excluded
as sinful. What is wanted are blindness and intoxication and an eternal song
over the waves in which reason has drowned.
-           Daybreak: Thoughts on the Prejudices of Morality, Friedrich
Nietzsche
                                       -
Annabella: Forgive him, Heaven- and me my sins
-          ‘Tis Pity She’s a Whore, John Ford
                                       -
5 days 5 hours
 
Louis wakes in the morning in his own bed with Harry in his arms. When he
remembers what happened the night before he feels a rising panic in his chest.
Father Payne’s son knew. He knew and there was nothing Louis could do about it.
It wasn’t just the fact that Liam’s new found knowledge could completely ruin
both Louis and his entire family; it was that he was intruding in something
Louis had always considered incredibly private. His love for his brother was
his and his alone. Liam had no right to it and now that he knew he had somehow
destroyed what he and Harry had together.
Louis didn’t think Liam would tell. He had been Harry’s friend. He was the type
of person who prided themselves in always putting first. Louis thought that way
of thinking was mistaken, but in this situation useful.
He hears a soft little snore from Harry before he goes back to his light
breathing. It’s endearing really. Harry’s always been quiet and soft and cute,
so unlike Louis. His hair is silky smooth and so curly and he still has a layer
of baby fat which hasn’t gone away yet. He looks so young. Louis supposes he is
young at only fifteen, but that’s something easily forgotten when you’re so
willing to spread your legs for everyone.
‘Wake up, love,’ Louis murmurs and Harry stirs.
‘What is it,’ Harry mumbles clearly full of sleep.
‘Want to fuck you,’ Louis says turning Harry over.
‘’M sleepy,’ Harry murmurs rubbing his eyes.
‘I’ll wake you up, baby,’ Louis says running his hands down Harry’s body.
Harry’s body which he owns. He hooks his hand under both of Harry’s knee’s and
opens his legs until his hole is on display.
He pushes his ring finger inside Harry and hears his gasp.
‘Ouch,’ Harry says. ‘It’s sore.’
‘Shh,’ Louis coo’s. ‘You can take it.’
Harry’s still slightly wet and open from when Louis had him the night before so
it doesn’t take much preparation before Harry is ready to take him again.
Harry whimpers quietly as Louis fucks him. He lies back pliantly and gasps as
Louis grabs his cock giving him a few quick tugs. Louis admires the way Harry’s
curls bounce with every thrust.
‘Lou… Louis,’ He gasps as he spills all over his stomach and Louis cums inside
him.
‘God, I love you Lou,’ Harry says turning to kiss his brother. ‘I love you so
much.’
Louis pulls Harry close. ‘I love you too,’ he says. ‘So much.’
Harry smiles at him and he looks so pleased, as if Louis love is the most
important thing to him in the world.
‘Look, Harry,’ Louis says. He knows he has to tell Harry about last night in
case Liam tries to confront him. He wants Harry to be ready to deny any wrong
doing if he has to. ‘Baby, I need to tell you something.’
Harry’s eyebrows furrow as if he’s confused. ‘What?’ he asks.
‘Something bad happened,’ Louis says.
‘Harry pushes himself off Louis and sits up in bed. ‘Louis, what happened?’ he
says slowly.
‘Liam knows,’ Louis says. ‘He saw what I did to you last night.’
The look on Harry’s face is one of complete devastation. His face completely
falls and his eyes go wide in shock.
‘No,’ he says slowly. ‘No he didn’t.’
It’s as though he’s begging Louis to tell him otherwise and Louis briefly
wonders if it would be kinder to do so. ‘I’m so sorry Harry,’ he says. ‘I’m so
sorry.’
Tears well up in Harry’s eyes. ‘He can’t know,’ he says. ‘He can’t know what
we’re doing.’
‘But he does,’ Louis says. ‘He confronted me about it. I think he wanted me to
confess or something.’
Harry wipes his eyes. ‘It’s not fair,’ he says. ‘It’s not any of his business.
Why can’t we love? Why shouldn’t we be together?’
‘I’m sorry, Harry,’ Louis says. ‘I never would have done it if I thought he
could see.’
Harry’s crying openly now. ‘I didn’t even what you to anyway.’
Louis chooses to ignore that because that’s just not something he can believe.
It was Harry after all. Of course it was what he wanted.
‘Louis, did you say he wanted you to confess at church?’ Harry asks and coughs
slightly from his tears.
Louis nods. ‘Yeah. He didn’t say it in explicit detail, but I think that’s what
he wanted.’
Harry looks up at him and attempts to dry his eyes again. ‘Then that’s what
you’re going to have to do Lou.’
‘What?’
‘You have to confess,’ Harry says. ‘I don’t… I love you so much Louis, but this
is so, so wrong. I can’t…’
‘Harry,’ Louis says slowly eyes wide. ‘What are you saying?’
‘It’s not fair, none of this is,’ Harry says. ‘And I love you, but I don’t
think we can do this anymore.’
‘What do you mean,’ Louis says quickly. ‘Liam’s not going to tell anyone, I
threatened him, I said-’
‘This isn’t about Liam,’ Harry says. ‘Well, it is a bit, but it’s about more
than that. It’s about your soul.’
‘My soul,’ Louis says flatly. ‘I don’t believe in souls.’
‘Well I do,’ Harry snaps. ‘I do. And I believe that when we die good souls go
to heaven and bad souls go to hell. And the way we’re going on now, I think
we’re going to Hell.’
Louis goes silent.
‘We’re going to Hell,’ Harry repeats.
‘Harry, that’s not true,’ Louis says. ‘That’s ridiculous, Harry. What’s so
wrong about loving you? Isn’t that meant to be one of the purest emotions in
the world? Love?’
Harry shrugs. ‘I said it wasn’t fair, didn’t I?’ he says. ‘I believe that we
have to make sacrifices in our mortal life so that we can live in paradise in
our immortal life.’
‘What!’ Louis says scandelised. ‘I don’t even believe in heaven. I don’t care
how immoral people thing we are, I just want you.’
‘I believe in heaven,’ Harry says. ‘And I want you to be there with me, so
please… please go back to Liam and confess. I know it’s taken me until now, but
this has to stop.’
Louis opens his mouth to protest.
‘No,’ Harry says, silencing him before he can say anything. ‘No. I love you
Louis, but if you don’t do this I’ll hate you. I can’t watch you risk being
damned and I know it’s taken a while for me to realise this, but I do now. Go
to Liam and ask for forgiveness since I know you won’t pray for forgiveness
like I will.’
Harry steps out of the bed and gathers up his clothes which Louis had stripped
off him the night before.
‘This has to stop,’ he mutters again before the door closes behind him.
                                       -
5 days 3 hours
 
'Did it hurt,' Zayn asks.
Perrie shrugs. 'Not as much as I was expecting. It was just a pill and then the
doctor rubbed my tummy a bit. I bled a lot, but it was kind of just like a bad
period.'
Zayn looks down at Perrie’s stomach where his baby had once been.
He's glad it's gone.
It sounds cruel, borderline evil, but he never hated Perrie as much as he did
when she had told him. Of course it was his fault as much as it was hers, but
it was so much easier to pretend that he had been some sort of victim.
The baby would have ruined him. He had plans. He wanted to get the hell away
from Holmes Chapel to a place where he could be him, a place where he could do
whatever the hell he wanted.
He had tried to be normal. Perrie had been a part of that. He had desperately
tried to train himself to like girls, to enjoy having sex with them, even to
love them, but it was just impossible. He was who he was, and he had come to
the conclusion that the problem didn’t lay with him, it lay with Holmes Chapel.
So, he of course had to get out. A baby would have made that much harder.
‘It was for the best,’ Perrie says. ‘Mum and Dad would have killed me, and then
they would have killed you.’
Zayn makes a hum of agreement. Perrie’s parents wouldn’t have just been mad
about the baby, they would have been mad about the fact that it was Zayn’s as
well. The entire village was racist so Zayn had gotten used to it, but it still
hurt. That was another reason why he just had to leave.
Zayn was aware that his alienation with the village wasn’t unique to him.
For a long time Zayn had though that his family was the only ones in the
village who stood out and he had honestly believed that he was the only gay in
the village, but he had been proved wrong when the whole Harry Styles and Niall
Horan thing had been exposed and both the Horan and Styles family had been
looked down upon for supporting their sons relationship, at least outwardly.
Zayn had been furious that Harry and Niall had found each other so easily and
had found so much support in each other. In all honesty, Zayn was jealous. Not
of Niall, but of Harry. Niall was Zayn’s absolute best friend and the truth was
that he had spent so much of his life giving doe eyes to Niall, but then Harry
had come along and swept him away and into a sort of us against the world
relationship.
That could have been him. He could have had Niall to himself, but some curly
haired twat had come along and stolen him before he even knew he had a chance.
‘It doesn’t matter now though,’ Zayn snaps out of his day dream when he
realises that Perrie is speaking. She swings her legs over his hips so she’s
straddling him.
‘I’m on the pill now,’ she says.
Zayn’s stomach turns. The idea of having sex with her had never been pleasant
to him, but it was even worse now that she had been pregnant. Now that he knew
the risks.
‘Perrie,’ he says pushing her away slightly. ‘I don’t think we should do this
anymore.’
Perrie stares at him in shock. ‘Are you kidding?’ she says.
‘No,’ Zayn sighs. ‘I don’t feel the same way anymore. I thought about it over
Christmas and I think it’ll be better for both of us if we just stopped.’
Perrie opens and closes her mouth and Zayn thinks with slight amusement that
she looks like a gold fish.
‘You’re a bastard Zayn,’ she ends up saying.
Zayn was expecting it to be honest so he’s not that fused. Perrie gets up off
Zayn’s bed.
‘I gave you so much Zayn,’ she hisses. ‘I loved you. I even gave you my
virginity and this is how you repay me?’
Zayn does nothing but shrugs. ‘I just don’t feel the same way anymore Pez.’
‘Don’t call me that,’ Perrie says picking up her bag. ‘You’re scum,’ she spits.
‘I’ll let myself out.’
Perrie leaves slamming Zayn’s bedroom door behind him. A moment later he hears
his front door slam.
He reaches over to his bedside table where he keeps his cigarettes and lights
one before taking a long drag.
                                       -
5 days 
 
At midday Louis arrives outside the chapel. Harry had told him that Liam would
be here cleaning it for the evening Boxing Day service. It feels strange to
him, going into the chapel on his own accord, without his family to force him.
He pushes open the heavy wooden door on the outside and then goes through the
second set of double doors into the main area of the chapel. Liam is sweeping
in between a pew and doesn’t notice him at first.
Louis clears his throat to announce himself and Liam turns around in shock. His
eyes widen when he realises who it is.
‘Look, Louis,’ Liam sets his brush aside. ‘If you’ve come to threaten me again
there’s no need. I’m not going to tell anyone anything. Harry used to be my
only friend. I wouldn’t do that to him.’
Louis shakes his head. ‘No, no I’m not here to threaten you.’
Liam raises his eyebrows confused. ‘Then what are you hear for?’
‘I told Harry what you said last night,’ Louis says. ‘And he seems to think
that you’re right, that we should stop whatever we’re doing together.’
Liam looks surprised. ‘So you’ve come here to..?’
‘Confess,’ Louis nods. ‘Harry says it’s the only way… that he’ll hate me
otherwise.’
Liam gives Louis a once over seemingly assessing whether he’s telling the
truth. ‘Come on,’ he says. ‘Take a seat.’
Liam gestures to one of the pews and Louis sits down on it.
‘Look, Louis,’ he says. ‘You can’t just gain forgiveness from god because you
want to please you’re brother. You can only gain forgiveness if you actually
want to be a good person.’
Louis looks at Liam not understanding. ‘Then what am I meant to do? How do I
make him happy again? He thinks we’re going to hell.’
‘Do you think you’re going to hell,’ Liam asks. ‘Do you think what you’ve done
is immoral.’
‘I…’ Louis pauses. ‘I don’t believe in heaven or hell, but I believe in morals.
I just…’ Louis trails off.
‘You just what?’ Liam asks.
‘I don’t understand how love can be wrong,’ Louis says. ‘What’s really wrong
with me loving him? How is it different to anyone else’s love?’
‘Then that’s the first step to gaining forgiveness,’ Liam says. ‘You have to
understand what you’ve done is wrong.’
‘Why is it wrong?’ Louis questions.
‘Because he’s your brother,’ Liam says. ‘You’re meant to look after him and
guide him.’
Louis frowns. ‘But I can do that anyway. I can be a good brother and more, why
can’t I do that?’
Liam frowns. ‘Because that’s how God meant it to be. You have to be the brother
that God intended you to be, not anything more and not anything less.’
‘But…’ Louis was about to say that he didn’t believe in God and thus he didn’t
believe that being a brother should have any defined boundaries, but he stops
himself. He could go round and round in circles with Liam and Harry would find
out that he hadn’t asked for forgiveness properly.
Instead Louis squashes what he’s thinking and says, ‘I guess I understand,’ he
says. ‘I need to do what God intended, not what I want. So instead of loving
Harry I should love someone different. A girl.’
Liam nods. ‘I think you’re right. That’s how I want to live my life. The way
God wants me to,’ Liam reddens then and says, ‘but I don’t think that God would
want you to love a girl if you weren’t that way inclined, Louis.’
Louis frowns. ‘You just said I shouldn’t love my brother but now you’re saying
boys are okay?’
‘Boys and brothers are very different things,’ Liam says. ‘I know what my
father thinks of homosexuality, but it’s an outdated idea. God wouldn’t have
made you that way if he wanted you to love a woman.’
Louis nods slowly wanting to leave now that he had convinced Liam he wanted to
change.
‘So that’s what I have to do to gain forgiveness,’ Louis says. ‘I need follow
the path I was given and not stray.’
Liam nods. ‘I’m glad that you’ve resolved to change your ways. It’s always good
to see someone get back on the right track.
Louis shrugs. ‘Thanks for making me realise,’ he says.
‘I’ll see you tonight at the service,’ Liam replies.
‘Yeah,’ Louis says already thinking of Harry and how such a simple thing as
Liam finding out what was going on between them had scared him away. ‘I expect
you will.’
Chapter End Notes
     Notes: I just wanted to let you know that it's highly likely that
     this story isn't going to end well, so I just wanted to inform you
     all of that early on since a lot of authors get a lot of stick when a
     story has an unhappy ending. There is of course a possibility that it
     will end alright, but I have two different endings planned and I'm
     leaning towards the bad one.
     Hope you enjoyed it, I would love to hear from you if you have any
     comments.
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!