Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/6234907.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      おそ松さん_|_Osomatsu-san_(Anime)
  Relationship:
      Matsuno_Osomatsu/Tougou
  Character:
      Matsuno_Osomatsu, Tougou_(Osomatsu), Matsuno_Karamatsu, Matsuno
      Choromatsu, Matsuno_Ichimatsu, Matsuno_Jyushimatsu, Matsuno_Todomatsu
  Additional Tags:
      Past_Child_Abuse, Repressed_Memories, Sexual_Abuse, Physical_Abuse,
      Childhood_Sexual_Abuse, Panic_Attacks
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-03-13 Updated: 2016-04-03 Chapters: 2/10 Words: 3970
****** Tip of the Tongue ******
by PilotintheAttic
Summary
     Tougou has been released from prison, and the Matsuno brothers are
     concerned for their safety. Except Osomatsu, who doesn't seem to
     remember that terrifying lodger at all.
     (some of the tags are not applicable until later chapters)
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
***** Who's Tougou? *****
“Guys…”
One by one the five bodies lazing about the living room roused themselves.
Ordinarily, on such a lazy afternoon, they would simply wait until whichever
brother had spoken would continue. But there was something different in
Choromatsu’s tone, the careful way he breathed out the word, barely audible
over the rustle of the local paper he gripped.
Once all eyes were on him, Choromatsu swallowed the lump in his throat and said
softly, “Tougou’s finished his jail sentence.”
“…Oh.” Karamatsu’s voice held none of its usual flair, his eyebrows knit
together. He looked around at his fellow brothers, gaze settling briefly on
Todomatsu who was biting his lip and holding his phone tighter than necessary.
Even Jyushimatsu’s ever-present smile had faltered slightly.
“Who’s Tougou?”
Osomatsu took his role as eldest brother seriously, always the pinnacle of
stability for the rest of them, but something about his voice…Choromatsu stared
at him incredulously. Osomatsu wasn’t being stable for them. That was a genuine
question, calm and curious as he flipped through his manga.
“You’ve got to be joking,” Choromatsu said, allowing himself a nervous smile.
Osomatsu frowned, glancing at the confused expressions surrounding him. “…No?”
he said slowly. “I don’t know who that is?”
Ichimatsu muttered something short tempered under his breath, but Todomatsu
spoke over him. “You know, that guy who stayed with us one time? He turned out
to be a robber?” Seeing Osomatsu’s blank expression, he continued carefully,
“He was literally here for more than half a year, Osomatsu. He… he took you
hostage until the police arrived.” He gestured exasperatedly. “How do you not
remember any of this?”
Osomatsu laughed nervously. “I dunno. Sounds wild though.”
“Osomatsu.” It was Choromatsu who spoke. “If you’re playing games, it’s not
funny.”
His brother looked worried – but then again, when didn’t he? Osomatsu flashed
one of his famous grins and sat back against the wall. “I’m being genuine! It’s
not a huge deal though, right?”
Silence.
Karamatsu turned to gaze out the window once more, but the hunch in his
shoulders betrayed his tension. Todomatsu tapped at his phone, scrolling
through his feeds but not really reading anything. Jyushimatsu and Ichimatsu,
sat next to each other, were both unreadable. Choromatsu couldn’t meet his
eyes.
“Whoa, guys. C’mon. What, are you worried he’s going to come back?”
“At this point, I’m more worried that you don’t remember him at all,”
Choromatsu replied evenly. “But yes. It is worrying. Ten goddamn years and you
don’t think he’ll remember we’re the ones who put him away?”
“Choromatsu, please.” Osomatsu kept the smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“You’re scaring Totty.”
Choromatsu glanced at his youngest brother, who was leaning into Jyushimatsu’s
side with his knees drawn up to his chest. He huffed impatiently and picked up
his paper again. “Unbelievable,” he muttered, before speaking up again. “Just,
everyone be careful, alright? And don’t tell mum or dad. They don’t need that
stress.”
There were a couple murmurs of agreement, along with Jyushimatsu’s excitable
“Okay!” and the subject was dropped. Gradually the tension in the air
dissipated; Jyushimatsu challenged Totty to jenga and pulled a reluctant
Ichimatsu to join them, and Karamatsu’s shoulders relaxed as he lost himself to
a daydream.
Osomatsu sighed and picked up his manga again, but his concentration was gone.
‘Why are they so worried? I don’t… I don’t have a clue who they’re talking
about. It probably wasn’t even a big deal, Choromatsu’s just being paranoid
again. But…ten years? So ten years ago? Nothing special happened back then… I’m
sure I’d remember if something particularly scary had happened.
Iyami was a robber once, wasn’t he? But he wasn’t in jail and we like him. He’s
a friend? Is this other guy a friend who pissed us off? That’s probably why I
don’t remember him, he must’ve been boring…’
Choromatsu turned over the page with a loud rustle, and Osomatsu turned over
his attention back to his manga.
 
------------------------------
 
In the week that passed, the brothers had mostly forgotten about the news. When
there was no immediate danger in the first two days since Tougou’s release,
most of the brothers relaxed and went back to their usual routes around town.
Todomatsu rarely went out without someone by his side, but he usually met
friends in town and felt safe in his clique. Choromatsu took longer to settle
down, but after the fourth or fifth day he seemed to breathe a sigh of relief
and put Tougou in the past where he belonged.
Osomatsu, on the other hand, found himself thinking about the stranger a lot.
Desperately trying to dredge up any memory of the terrifying lodger, but coming
up short. He hadn’t realised it before, but most of his memories from that part
of his childhood were absent. He pictured himself diving into the clear waters
of his memories, and suddenly falling straight through the gap between their
eleventh birthday and their tenth. He thought that, if he were to look at his
memories from above, there would be a thick grey blanket laid out over that
part, too thick to explore and yet just…empty.
He hadn’t noticed before. And that was a little disconcerting. But, in typical
Osomatsu fashion, he put those unsettling feelings in a box and stored them
away. He had more important stuff to do: such as pachinko. Which was,
incidentally, where he was headed that fine evening.
Karamatsu was at his side, waxing poetic about a subject Osomatsu might have
understood had he bothered listening at all. He was gesturing as he talked, his
tone upbeat, and Osomatsu humoured him with hmms and ahhs as they ambled down
the road. He was in his own head, eagerly anticipating spending the allowance
he’d been given, hoping he’d be able to return in a couple hours with a much
fatter wallet.
The evening was comfortably warm, the reddish light kissing his skin and the
faintest of breezes ruffling his hair, the kind of weather Osomatsu would
comfortably nap in. It was almost a shame he wouldn’t be outside again until it
got dark. A yawn tickled his lungs and he stretched his arms up as it left his
throat, side-stepping to avoid someone passing them. He let out a satisfied
groan as he dropped his arms again, content with his life.
It took a few moments to realise Karamatsu wasn’t talking anymore. Osomatsu
glanced at him and stumbled slightly – Karamatsu’s mouth was set in a firm line
and his shoulders were tensed, hands balled into fists at his side.
“Woah, man,” Osomatsu said, halting in the street and tugging at his brother’s
hoodie. “You’ve gone pale, you alright?”
Karamatsu opened his mouth and made as if to speak, but the words stuck in his
throat. He swallowed thickly, adjusted his shades and tried again. “Did…did you
see the man we just passed?” he asked. His voice was quiet, low.
Osomatsu shook his head, and leaned past his brother to have a look down the
road. There was a middle aged man a hundred or so metres away, tall and lanky
and wearing a green patterned suit. The man was standing still in the shadows
of the buildings, looking evenly at the brothers, and Osomatsu raised an
eyebrow. Karamatsu yanked on his hoodie suddenly.
“Don’t be so obvious,” Karamatsu hissed.
Osomatsu shrugged. “Dude’s got an ugly suit, so what? Chill out, Karamatsu.”
“That’s Tougou.”
The tone of Karamatsu’s voice took Osomatsu by surprise; it was rare to hear
the most dramatic person in the world speak so seriously. “What, really?” he
said, stealing another glance at the man, who had started walking further away.
“Let’s go home, Brother.” Karamatsu was looking straight ahead, his jaw
clenched.
“Aw what?! It’s pachinko time!”
“Please.”
Osomatsu swallowed his retort. Karamatsu honestly looked like he might cry and
that would be…embarrassing. “Alright,” he said heavily. He grinned at his
brother and nudged him playfully on the shoulder. “Cheer up, man. If that guy
had any grief with us he would’ve done something then. C’mon.”
For Karamatsu’s sake, Osomatsu led them on an alternate route home rather than
doubling back. The second son was oddly quiet as they walked, and the
atmosphere was killing Osomatsu.
“That was probably just some guy who looked like him, you know,” he offered.
Karamatsu screwed his eyes shut for a moment, and shook his head.
“I’m certain it was him.”
“Oh yeah? You’ve mistaken other girls for Totoko before and we’ve seen her
loads of times!” Osomatsu said jovially, going out of his way to step on a
crunchy-looking leaf. It didn’t make the sound he wanted, and he returned
dissatisfied to his brother’s side. “I think he just reminded you of him, since
Fappymatsu got you all riled up about it.”
“You’re taking this too lightly,” Karamatsu said softly as they turned onto
their street. “I don’t know why you’re pretending not to know him, but—”
“I’m not pretending, asshole,” Osomatsu snapped. “Some of us have better things
to do than worry about something from ten fucking years ago.” Shit. He wasn’t
one to lose his temper seriously, but god was it ever getting on his nerves.
“So what if I don’t know him? You were a kid too, you probably don’t remember
what he looks like either.”
Karamatsu looked away, hurt. “At least I remember he existed,” he mumbled.
Osomatsu’s foot connected sharply with Karamatsu’s ankle, sweeping him off
balance in an instant. Karamatsu landed on the ground, cursing softly under his
breath. Osomatsu stood over him, breathing heavily, before straightening up and
calming himself. “You’re all so annoying,” he said bitterly, but extended his
hand to his brother. “Let’s get back.”
Karamatsu accepted his assistance and stood, his eyes telling a silent apology
before he adjusted his shades and his sleeves in order to look as painful as
possible for their arrival.
***** It's Dark In Here *****
Chapter Summary
     Osomatsu never had panic attacks before.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
It had been raining recently. Although the sun had removed the evidence of any
puddles, there was a certain smell, a certain freshness to the air. Well, as
fresh as Tokyo air could get. The kind of air that seemed to clear your lungs
and make you smile despite the cold. Osomatsu sat on the windowsill, one leg
dangling over it as he took an occasional drag from his cigarette. This was
nice. Normal. And, finally, quiet.
The bad weather had kept all six of the brothers indoors for the better part of
a week – except for Ichimatsu who went dutifully out every day to feed his
stray cats. At first it had been alright, since they were used to being
together anyway and didn’t dislike each other’s company. By the third day the
house was feeling more than a little cramped and Karamatsu’s painfulness was
getting unbearable. By the fifth day Jyushimatsu’s energy levels were
dangerously high and he was, quite literally, bouncing off the walls.
Roughousing was attempted, but with everyone’s tempers getting a little on edge
from not even having an hour to nap on their own it was only a few minutes
before a proper scuffle broke out.
The sixth day bore constant showers until the dusk when, blessedly, the clouds
dispersed and the sun graced them the last of her light. Almost
instantaneously, four of the brothers snatched up their shoes and bolted from
the house to freedom.
Which left Osomatsu, and Choromatsu. The latter lay on the couch on his back,
his index finger holding a page in the magazine laid on his stomach as he
napped. The light breathing was somewhat of a comfort to Osomatsu; it possibly
would have been too quiet if they’d all left at once. He let himself inhale
deeply and sigh, rolling his stiff shoulders. The golden light dipped below the
horizon and Osomatsu stared out over the scenery, now washed with a rich blue
in the twilight.
A streetlamp flickered to life across the road, and another followed suit.
Osomatsu flicked the remainder of his cigarette down to the pavement, yawning.
As much as he griped about his family, it was nice having the background noise
of conversation. He could wake up Choromatsu…but it felt wrong to disturb such
a peaceful slumber. Todomatsu would probably be home soon, he realised, seeing
as he was afraid of the dark.
Osomatsu hummed to himself and adjusted his position on the windowsill. He
wasn’t quite cold enough to bother relocating just yet. He lazily swept his
gaze down the street, and paused at a slight movement in the shadow cast by an
electrical pole. He leaned forward, squinting.
And felt his stomach drop.
A figure stood in the shadow. Tall. Lean. The streetlight caught the edge of
his blazer and Osomatsu could see the squared pattern on olive fabric. He was
completely still.
Osomatsu’s breath caught in his throat, heart thumping loudly in his ears. The
man was just. There.Something about his posture, his stillness, was menacing.
The man’s eyes locked with Osomatsu’s.
A figure kneeled in the shadow. Tall. Lean. Light from outside caught the edge
of his outstretched arm and Osomatsu could see the jagged scar peeking out from
under his rolled-up sleeve. They were completely still.
Osomatsu choked, body frozen in place.
Something is wrong.
But what was it?
Danger, danger, danger. It’s closing in.
Osomatsu’s lungs shuddered and he was suddenly painfully aware of his body. He
was shaking. Desperately he asked himself, what’s closing in?
Everything.
He was dying. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t move. Invisible
walls pressed down on his back and into his chest. It was dark – it can’t be
dark, the sun only just set, he thought frantically – it was so, so dark and
close and hot breath on his neck burned him and Osomatsu Matsuno knew he was
dying.
Something clenched tightly in his gut and everything inside his head howled and
he was tumbling off the windowsill back into the room. He hit the floor and was
already halfway back up.
Choromatsu lay on the sofa.
Osomatsu thought his heart was going to collapse in on itself. He was lost and
he was scared and he was trapped and it doesn’t make sense.He clawed his way
upright and lunged for the sofa. His limbs were jelly. He gripped at his
brother’s shirt, trying to shake him awake but barely coordinated enough to
actually grab him.
Choromatsu groaned and opened his eyes – which widened as he took in the look
on Osomatsu’s face.
“Help,” Osomatsu squeaked, clutching his brother like a lifeline.
Choromatsu, bless him, was up like a shot. His hands found Osomatsu’s and held
them gently, firmly. “Osomatsu.” His voice was low and even. “Listen to me,
listen to my voice. I’m going to talk you through this, and I need you to
listen.”
Osomatsu felt a keening sound leave his throat and nodded urgently, tears
pricking at his eyes. “I-I’m scared-!”
“I know, I know. Focus on the sound of my voice. Breathe with me. This will
pass. You are home, Osomatsu. You are safe.”
You’re not safe. It’s so dark, everything is so close, so terribly close. It’s
coming, it’s coming.
“I don’t know what’s going on,” Osomatsu blurted out, burying his head in his
brother’s chest. He felt the gentle rise and fall of his ribs and tried, really
tried to follow along. His breath caught and he gave a strangled cry, tears
spilling freely and darkening the green shirt. “I don’t—”
“Shh, shh… you’re having a panic attack. It can’t hurt you. You’re not dying.
This will pass, now breathe with me, come on… In… hold. Out. Good, again. You
can do this.”
His body felt cold. He was shaking as if in a fever; his entire body convulsed
with each juddering breath. With each exhale the tears came faster, fatter. But
he could feel Choromatsu’s comforting warmth, the gentle pressure of his soft
hands on his own, the faint smell of his brother’s cologne.
“Follow my voice. You’re doing so well. You can rest, Osomatsu, this will
pass.”
Choromatsu was right – Osomatsu could feel his shivers subsiding into
occasional electric jolts, his breathing slowed. Every now and then his breath
would catch and he would feel that paralysing fear and yelp, but Choromatsu
steadily moved his hands from Osomatsu’s and wrapped them around his back,
pulling him into his chest.
It was soft and warm; Choromatsu felt like home. He wasn’t in danger.
“I’m..tired,” he mumbled into the flannel shirt. “I’m…really. Tired.”
“It’s okay, Osomatsu. You’re safe with me. You can rest.”
Something is closing in.
…What was it again?
I don’t remember.
The window?
Who knows…
Osomatsu let his body fall limp in his brother’s arms. Yes, he could sleep now.
Choromatsu had him. His jaw unclenched and his breath finally evened as he fell
into dreamless unconsciousness.
 
 
“Do you want to talk about the other evening?”
“Eh?”
Choromatsu was looking at him with a worried expression, eyebrows knit. They
hung back behind the rest of the group, returning from their usual night time
baths in a pack. Osomatsu jabbed him with an elbow. “Ack-! What was that for?”
Choromatsu yelped, rubbing at his arm.
“Stop fretting about me, dumbass!” Osomatsu grinned.
Choromatsu glared at him. “So what was that all about then?”
“Wh- Oh come on, it was nothing! Just a little spook, that’s all.”
“Look, Osomatsu.” Choromatsu glanced at the rest of their siblings, who were
chatting amongst themselves, and lowered his voice. “That’s not ‘nothing,’
something triggered that attack.”
Osomatsu shrugged jovially. “I’m okay though, it’s just a one-off thing. Relax,
little bro.”
Thankfully, Choromatsu dropped the subject and picked up his pace to catch up
with the others, leaving Osomatsu at the rear of the pack with his thoughts.
It had been a bit…odd, to see someone loitering in their street. Had he seen
him somewhere before? He was sure… augh, when was it? He’d seen countless
people in their part of town, how could he be expected to remember everyone’s
face?
Ah… There it was. Osomatsu frowned slightly, chewing on his bottom lip. That
guy who had come out of jail lately, that Karamatsu thought they’d seen however
many weeks ago. Both times the stranger had been partially obscured by shadows,
but it was a fairly distinctive suit. Something about him had made him feel
uneasy (notpanicked, just uneasy, he told himself) that second time – must’ve
been the night though. It wasn’t a crime for a local man to have a cigarette
while standing in a random street. He probably wasn’t the man Karamatsu thought
he was. Just coincidence, right?
 
 
Coincidences don’t happen three times. Coincidences don’t stand at the wall
outside your house to have a cigarette at two in the afternoon. Coincidences
don’t have your eldest brother gripping the windowsill with white knuckles and
breathing quick and ragged out of nowhere.
Todomatsu doesn’t believe in coincidences.
“Osomatsu..? Are you alright?” the youngest asked, voicing the thoughts of the
rest of the brothers who lounged about the bedroom cautiously glancing at the
one in question.
Osomatsu’s shoulders were twitching and it seemed to take some great resolve of
strength to whisper a reply.
“Choromatsu.”
The middle brother sat up, laying his magazine aside.
“Choromatsu it’s happening again.” There was a crack in Osomatsu’s voice and in
an instant all five of his brothers had jumped to their feet.
“Wha-” Todomatsu yelped, hands instinctively grabbing fistfuls of the hem of
his hoodie. “Osomatsu, what’s happening?”
Choromatsu had twitched as if pinched, and moved Todomatsu and Ichimatsu out of
the way. “Osomatsu,” he said levelly, “talk to me. Tell me what’s happening.”
“I-I can smell it.” Osomatsu’s voice was small and strained, words forced out
through his gritted teeth. “It’s. All around me, I’m suffocating. Cigarette.”
Ichimatsu made to speak, but Choromatsu held a hand up. “Let him speak,” he
murmured. “Osomatsu.”
The eldest took a huge shuddering breath, followed by an attack of
hyperventilating. There was a chorus of concern from his brothers and he
whirled round, back against the windowsill. His wide eyes darted from brother
to brother fearfully. Todomatsu felt an iron weight in his stomach.
“It’s happening again Choromatsu I’m – everything’s crushing me and it’s dark
and I’m, I can’t breathe. I can’t think I can’t—”
Choromatsu made a gentle shushing sound and reached out for Osomatsu’s
shoulder, and was met with a wild swipe of a nail-bared hand.
“No!” Osomatsu shouted, voice unnaturally high and wavering. He flung his arm
out again and pressed back into the wall. “Don’t touch me!”
“Osoma—”
“No, don’t!” Osomatsu was shaking hard, breathing harsh. A cornered animal.
“Osomatsu, please, calm down!”
“Oso, what’s wrong?”
“What’s happening?!”
“Quiet!”
The single word was hissed, spat more venomously than they could have expected
from Karamatsu. They all stared at him, and Ichimatsu was instinctively
building a cruel response.
“Can’t you see he’s scared?” Karamatsu said sharply. This caught his younger
siblings’ attention and they slowly backed out of Osomatsu’s personal space.
Karamatsu, too, lowered his stance and took a few steps away, leaving
Choromatsu by the eldest brother’s side.
Osomatsu sank slowly to his knees, hugging his arms tightly around himself. “I
feel dark and lost and trapped and I’m so scared, I’m so scared! All I can
smell is that smoke-!”
“Everyone, go downstairs,” Choromatsu said. His words were barely above a
murmur and his eyes didn’t move from Osomatsu. “Now, please.”
Todomatsu hesitantly made towards the door, and the others followed suit with
somewhat of a shellshocked silence. As he headed down the stairs, Todomatsu
heard the gentle murmurings of Choromatsu keeping Osomatsu grounded.
“Choro, Choro I’m so scared I can’t think. What’s happening to me? Why is this
– something’s bad, something’s really bad and I can’t. I can’t…”
Choromatsu knelt on the floor opposite his brother. He held out his hand.
“Breathe, Osomatsu,” he said patiently. “Just focus on breathing.”
Osomatsu tentatively bridged the gap with his own hand, and let Choromatsu
gently pull him to curl up with his head on his younger brother’s knees. He
felt those familiar, gentle hands caress his hair, playing with the locks just
the way he enjoyed it, and let the tears well up and roll down his cheek.
“I don’t understand why this is happening to me…”
“I know. What were you doing before this?”
“I was just, daydreaming. And then this – I feel like I’m drowning. I don’t
understand. It’s just fear and darkness and this awful smell and it makes me
so, so afraid I…” Osomatsu choked on his tears and coughed, losing control over
his breathing again. Choromatsu made a low humming sound and exaggerated his
slow breathing, and Osomatsu swallowed several times in succession and tried to
follow along. When his lungs had settled, he whimpered, “It’s cigarette smoke.
That’s all it fucking was and I don’t know why this happened, it just. Doesn’t
make sense. Choromatsu, please. Help me.”
“I’m trying, Osomatsu,” he said gently, smoothing down a stray cowlick of his
brother’s hair. “I’m always here if you need someone to help you calm down.
It’s scary when this sort of thing happens.”
“I just want to know why,” Osomatsu said miserably. “It just… happens out of
nowhere I don’t fucking – I don’t know what’s happening to me.”
Choromatsu murmured wordlessly, rubbing his thumb across Osomatsu’s temple.
“Choromatsu?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I… rest for a while?”
Choromatsu smiled. “Sure,” he said softly. “Take as much time as you need.”
Within a minute Osomatsu had fallen asleep, exhausted. After seven, Choromatsu
shut the window to block any lingering cigarette scent before sitting next to
the sleeping young man again. Within twenty minutes Osomatsu had woken up. And
within thirty, he was completely back to normal.
Chapter End Notes
     Once again thank you for reading! I've written a solid plan and
     there's going to be 10 chapters in total, unless I need to split any
     in half. I'll be updating the tags as I go because there's some more
     that isn't quite applicable yet.
     I wrote this over the weekend while actually on holiday and uh,
     mostly at 4am. I'm sorry if there's the odd spelling or grammar
     mistake because of that!
     (You can find me on tumblr at kakyoinistrans or on twitter
     @carneliandog)
End Notes
     This is primarily a vent fic, since I'm going through some stuff at
     the moment. I'm not sure how many chapters it'll have, but probably
     no more than five looking at the plot I have laid out.
     I'm sorry if Jyushimatsu seems OOC, I find him pretty difficult to
     write.
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