Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/565281.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      X-Men_Evolution
  Relationship:
      Nightcrawler/Toad, Todd_Tolansky/Kurt_Wagner
  Character:
      Kurt_Wagner, Todd_Tolansky, Scott_Summers, Charles_Xavier, Kitty_Pryde,
      Original_Female_Character, Original_Male_Character, Pietro_Maximoff,
      Wanda_Maximoff, Erik_Lehnsherr, Frederick_Dukes
  Additional Tags:
      Violence, Blood, Torture, First_Time, Child_Abuse, Underage_Prostitution,
      Prostitution, Anal_Sex, Blow_Jobs, Oral_Sex, Minor_Character_Death,
      Mindfuck, Angst, Fluff_and_Angst, Angst_with_a_Happy_Ending
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-11-17 Chapters: 19/19 Words: 34452
****** Through The Fog ******
by LadyDrace
Summary
     Todd gets an unexpected visit from his past after 10 years, and the
     war moves in again.
***** Chapter 1 *****
Todd Tolansky leaned heavily on the rusted fence at the dark construction site,
taking a very deep drag off his cigarette. It had been a hellishly long day.
Even his mutant strong legs and arms were aching, so he could barely imagine
what this day must have been like for his human co-workers. Thank God it was
holiday time now. Not that he had any particular plans. He had nobody in his
life in any way. It was probably just gonna be himself, booze and the TV for
the next week.
 
He found himself thinking back to his years with the Brotherhood. As rough as
they had been, they had at least been people you could sometimes have a laugh
with, watch a movie with or something. But then he remembered how they had all
turned on him, when they for some odd reason suddenly decided he was no more
than an annoyance and unceremoniously kicked him from the team.
 
He remembered how he had thought it was one of their usual trips about him, and
he slept in the back yard for weeks, before he finally realized that this time
it was for real, and they were never going to let him back in. The final stroke
was when Pyro moved into his room and started throwing any stuff left in there
out of the window. Not that Todd needed any of it. It was just crap mostly, but
it was sorta the final blow. He had turned around and left, finally realizing
that there were truly nobody in the world you could trust.
 
His cigarette was almost reduced to ashes, but he simply lit another one with
the first, and slowly made his way home to his small apartment. This job was
crap, but the pay was okay, and his boss were one of the few people he had met
over the years, who hadn't given a rat's fart if he was a mutant, as long as he
worked hard and didn't complain.
 
And Todd had to admit to himself there was a certain pride in receiving his
first honestly earned paycheck and finally signing the lease on his own,
personal dump. And the hard physical labour had changed his body in a way he
found rather shocking the first time he noticed the change. His already
powerful legs felt like steel now and even his pathetic torso was now tightly
wound in hard, flat muscle.
 
For the first time in his life, twenty five years old, he was the guy nobody
wanted to fuck with. Not exactly feared, but certainly regarded as more of a
challenge for potential muggers and anti-mutant idiots, who needed someone to
kick around to bolster their own egos. A far cry from the ugly, skinny kid,
making his living any way he could, expecting to meet his end any minute. And
at least he now always had a roof over his head and food to eat. In his opinion
a very overlooked privilege in general.
 
As he slowly dragged himself home, he suddenly got that feeling again. It had
been there a few times over the last week. That feeling that he was being
watched or followed. But no matter how much he looked around he never saw
anyone. But damn, the sensation was powerful now. He could literally feel the
small hairs at the back of his neck tingle under his long ponytail. He
considered his options. He was tired, but strong. And if this person wasn't
aware of his mutant abilities, which he usually kept quiet about unless he had
to, he might have a chance to outwit him.
 
He stopped outside an alley and glanced down it. In here was the back entrance
to a less than savory club, and he made his way towards it, acting like he was
going inside. After a quick check behind and above him, he crouched and
propelled himself straight up with his powerful legs. On the third floor, he
latched onto the fire escape ladder and propelled himself upwards again as soon
as he regained his footing. He reached the roof in seconds and carefully peeked
down into the alley, keeping low to avoid being seen.
 
Sure enough, after half a minute or so, a dark figure came into view. Crawling
on the opposite wall of the alley, jumping from window ledge to window ledge,
this was obviously another mutant. What did the mutant want with him? There was
something oddly familiar about the figure, but Todd couldn't quite place it. He
let himself slide down, and sat on the roof out of sight, while deciding on his
next move. Another peek revealed that the mutant had somehow discovered that he
hadn't gone inside and was now turning its head this way and that, trying to
figure out where he had gone.
 
Todd heard the slight clang when the figure landed on the fire ladder a few
stories below and as quietly as possible climbed upwards. He could feel the
metal behind him creak slightly, meaning that the mutant was climbing that
ladder. Todd got ready. He couldn't have planned this better himself. As soon
as he saw the shadow on the roof as the mutant emerged over the edge, he
reached up, took hold of the shoulders of his pursuer and ripped him over the
edge of the roof. The force of the pull sent the mutant into a flip and it
landed on its back a few feet away.
 
Todd had jumped the second he had thrown and landed with a crash right where
the mutant had been the blink of an eye earlier. Now there was only thin air
and he suddenly smelled something awfully familiar. What was it? The thought
distracted him for just enough time for something to land on his back, smashing
his face onto the rooftop, and try to get him in a headlock. Years of fighting
dirty had taught Todd a few things, though, and with a pained yelp from the
mutant, he grabbed it by the hair and pulled, until he felt the grip loosen.
 
He locked his hands around the wrists of the other and with amazing speed
flipped over, straddled his attacker and locked his legs around the other's
knees, forcefully holding him in place. Then a pair of gleaming yellow eyes
opened in the dark face of the figure right beneath him and he gasped when he
suddenly recognized the mutant.
 
“What the hell... Fuzzy?!”
 
Kurt Wagner blinked up at him and coughed once in the cloud of dust their
scuffle had raised.
 
“Guten Abend. Missed me?”
 
Todd let go of Kurt, jumped to his feet and turned his back to him while wiping
his bleeding nose. He heard Kurt groan as he got to his feet and brushed off
the rubble.
 
“Verdammt. I think I'm gonna need stitches.”
 
Todd sat down by the edge of the roof opposite the ladder and lit himself
another cigarette.
 
“Serves you right, fool. What the hell do you think you're doin'? Stalkin' me
or somethin'?
 
Kurt sat down gingerly next to his old nemesis, and blinked his glowing eyes a
few times.
 
“Sorry Tolansky. I vasn't allowed to contact you yet. It vas not my idea to
stalk you like this.”
 
Todd felt his anger boiling. What the hell was going on?
 
“Then whose bright idea was it?”
 
Kurt shrugged, looking slightly uncomfortable.
 
“Vell... it vas Scott's. I tried to talk him out of it, but he vanted to make
sure you vere on your own before ve contacted you.”
 
Todd pinched his still bleeding nose and winced at the pain.
 
“Right. That sounds like ol' Summers. Suspicious prick.”
 
When the blood flow stopped, Todd finally looked at Kurt, something occurring
to him.
 
“Yo, who exactly was I s'posed to be with, since you wanna know if I'm alone?”
 
Kurt looked very serious.
 
“Magneto. He's been recruiting all the mutants he can find to his cause. He's
preparing for var.“
 
Todd barked out a dry laugh, reduced the last of his cigarette to ash and
flicked it away.
 
“What else is new.”
 
Kurt's voice was urgent.
 
“No, you don't understand. He's gathering forces more than ever. This past
year, he has been either recruiting or killing any mutants he could find. The
Professor has been vorking hard to varn as many mutants as he could to go into
hiding or join us.”
 
Todd lifted an eyebrow and gave Kurt a suspicious look.
 
“So what's that gotta do with me? Since when has Baldie cared about what
happens to me?”
 
Kurt paused, but then a determined look settled on his face.
 
“Scott vill be pissed at me for telling you, but... the Professor had hoped you
vould be villing to join our cause. Your povers and your inside knowledge on
the Brotherhood vould be a great asset to us.”
 
Todd nodded with a bitter smile.
 
“I should'a known.
 
Kurt gave him a sad look.
 
“You could have come to us you know. Vhen the Brotherhood threw you out.”
 
Todd coughed out a harsh laugh.
 
“Yeah, right. That would'a brought down the house. I would'a done it just to
see Summers get his panties in a twist. But I've been down that road once. No
joy. And what's the point anyway? We're all gonna die in this war when it
comes. No matter if we're in it or not.”
 
He got up and walked towards the ladder. Halfway across the roof, he turned
around and looked back at Kurt.
 
“Go home Fuzzy. I can't offer you anythin'.
 
In a flash Kurt teleported and appeared in front of Todd, his fists balled up
with anger.
 
“Verdammt Toad! I knew you vere a spineless vorm, but I never knew you vould be
this stupid!
 
Todd bared his teeth at his furry counterpart.
 
“What's it to you, fuzz face?! I don't give a fuck 'bout this stupid war! I
just wanna be left the hell alone, but I guess that's too much to ask for!”
 
He pushed Kurt hard in the chest and edged past him. Kurt was right behind him
though, all the way across the roof, where Todd stomped his way to the edge.
 
“You just don't get it do you? This is beyond all of us! If ve don't take a
stand now, Magneto vill vin and ve vill all be dead! And not just us! The
humans! Anybody you've ever known vill be either vith Magneto or dead if ve
don't do something!”
 
Todd snarled over his shoulder without turning around.
 
“And I'm s'posed to care? I never met anybody worth savin', includin' myself!”
 
With that, he crouched and jumped out into the air and hit the pavement with a
heavy thud several stories down a moment later. Kurt watched him stomp off and
sighed heavily. After looking over the rooftops for a moment, he clenched his
jaw in determination and vanished in a puff of smoke.
***** Chapter 2 *****
As Todd unlocked the door to his place, he knew before he was even inside, that
his old furry enemy wasn't going to leave him alone. So he wasn't the least bit
surprised when he saw Kurt sitting cross-legged on his rickety couch in the
dark with his hands in his lap. He flicked on the one grimy, light-bulb he had
and enjoyed a little savage pleasure from the pained way Kurt blinked his
sensitive eyes, before greeting his guest in a sarcastic mumble.
 
“Well do come on in. Make yourself at home.”
 
Grabbing himself a beer from his rusty fridge and lighting a fresh cigarette,
he plopped down on his worn out and squeaky, but very comfortable armchair and
shook his long bangs out of his face. For a while Kurt and Todd simply stared
at each other with malice, and when Kurt finally averted his eyes Todd felt he
at least had the advantage of home ground now.
 
“So... any special reason Baldie and Summers didn't just send me a letter and
ask me to join 'em? Would'a been a lot easier and it only costs a freakin'
stamp.”
 
Kurt's face was a mix of several different emotions flashing across his
features as he looked at Todd again.
 
“The Professor has alvays preferred direct contact. And... I volunteered for
this you know.”
 
Todd's voice was laced with that bitter humor again.
 
“Why? You need your ass kicked again? Couldn't find a new punchin' bag? What?!”
 
“No. I vas vorried about you.”
 
Todd huffed and took a swig of his beer.
 
“Gimme a break fuzz face. Don't pretend we were ever friends or anythin'. I
might be stupid, but my memory's fine. Last time I saw you, was when you ran
back to the other geeks after leavin' me in the gutter to die. We never laid
eyes on each other without kickin' each other's ass!”
 
Kurt looked slightly uncomfortable.
 
“I vill not try to defend vhat I did. Ve vere both equally guilty in those
fights. But I vill say that I never meant to hurt you so badly that time... and
besides, who do you think called the ambulance for you?”
 
Todd choked on his beer.
 
“YOU sent those assholes?!”
 
Kurt flared up.
 
“Those 'assholes' saved your life!”
 
Todd slammed down his beer on his coffee table so hard some of the contents
shot out of the top.
 
“Don't act like they were some kind of saints! They hated my mutant ass, and
only patched me up enough to kick me back out on the street! And for what?!
They only postponed the inevitable...”
 
Kurt crossed his arms and looked drained. His voice was small and resigned.
 
“So you're just gonna sit here until Magneto or some other maniac comes for you
and kills you just like that? Snuffs out your life like a candle and valks off
for the next one? You're not even gonna put up a fight for your own life?”
 
Todd huffed again, but this time he had leaned his head on his hand, while
letting his gaze wander out the window, the lights of the city reflecting in
his large, liquid eyes. When he spoke it was like he spoke to himself. Like he
had forgotten Kurt was even there.
 
“They ain't just gonna snuff out The Toad. Any sucker comin' here lookin' for a
fight might find more than he bargained for.”
 
“... I hope you're right. I really do.”
 
Kurt's soft voice woke up Todd from his stupor and he blinked in surprise at
the sincerity he heard in it.
 
“What you talkin' 'bout Fuzzy? What do you care if I live or die? What have I
ever done for you? Or anybody else for that matter.”
 
Kurt's voice and gaze was steady and Todd felt slightly shaken at the way
Kurt's yellow eyes burned into his own.
 
“You vere there. I didn't know it then, but you vere alvays there vhen I needed
somevhere to take my anger and frustration. Someone who felt the same. A
freak... like myself. Vhen life vas cruel, I vould go to you and fight it out.
And you did the same. I know you did.”
 
Todd sat frozen in his chair, horrified, Kurt's knowing eyes still searing into
his, hurling him into a revival of memories he had never liked. The memory of
all the times where meaningless fighting had been the answer. Where the feeling
of one's fists sinking into the soft gut of someone else could drain out so
much anguish. Where the pain of one's own bruises could block out the pain of
so much harder things.
 
A creaking sound woke him from his painful thoughts and he realized he had dug
his hands so forcefully into the armrests of the chair, that the fabric was
torn and his fingers had made deep holes in the firm stuffing, and were now
squeezing the wooden frame. He forced himself to relax and felt a drop of sweat
make its way down the collar of his filthy sweat shirt, reminding him that he
was still in his work clothes and had dried up blood all over his face and his
shirt.
 
He got up so fast that Kurt jumped a little. Without ceremony, Todd began to
rid himself of his filthy clothes until the was down to his boxers and turned
to his small but functional bathroom. He noticed Kurt looking intently at him
and suddenly felt embarrassed at the hundreds of scars scattered all over his
greenish body as a map of his hard life. He avoided looking at the yellow eyes
scanning him and cleared his throat to break up the tension.
 
“Uh... I'm just gonna take a shower. Grab a beer or somethin' if you want...”
 
He closed the bathroom door behind him and a minute later Kurt heard the shower
going.
***** Chapter 3 *****
When Todd came out, he felt a little better. Drained, but slightly more alert
and capable of this bizarre confrontation Fuzzy was so eager to have with him.
Even though his experience screamed at him that it was all a lie and that it
was completely pointless anyway, he had to admit to himself he was curious now.
And it was a very different, but somehow also comforting thing to have someone
else around. Even if it was someone he had previously only regarded with
loathing at best.
 
And come to think of it, he couldn't actually remember what it was that had
made them so passionate in their hatred of each other. Yes, they belonged to
different sides of the battle then, but somehow they had been drawn to each
other, lashing out the second they first met as much as they possibly could for
no apparent reason.
 
Kurt had moved from the couch to the open door by the fire escape, where he sat
on the floor behind the low grating, enjoying the light breeze and looking out
at the city. Thinking back to the last time he had seen him, Todd suddenly
noticed that he wasn't the only one who had changed. Kurt had cut his hair very
short, and only a hint of his vainly groomed bangs were left, arching on the
sides of his forehead. He was still furry, but he seemed rougher, more rugged
and thinner. His brow was always furrowed tight, and he looked spent and tired.
 
Once Todd had gotten into a t-shirt and some sweat pants, he pulled his single
kitchen chair over to Kurt, lit a cigarette and for some time the two old
enemies just sat looking out on the city, each lost in their own thoughts. Kurt
was the first to break the silence.
 
“So, you're actually shovering on a regular basis now?”
 
Todd couldn't help it and a crooked smile appeared on his face.
 
“Yeah well my boss said when he hired me that he'd fire my sorry ass if I ever
showed up smellin' that bad again. And havin' a steady paycheck helps when you
need expensive crap soap to stop your freakin' mutant skin from actin' like
you're bathin' in acid.”
 
Kurt raised his eyebrows.
 
“I never knew.”
 
Todd grinned and took a deep drag of his cigarette.
 
“Naw, you wouldn't. I never really told people. It was just easier bein' a
slimeball. B'sides I never saw the need for much bathin' with the people I hung
out with. It didn't seem like a big deal really.”
 
Seeing Kurt's perplexed look, he coughed out a little laugh, and eventually a
smile appeared on his furry face.
 
“Hey Fuzzy, you want a smoke?”
 
He expected Kurt to refuse, but to his surprise Kurt nodded after a moment.
 
“Sure, thanks.”
 
After lighting the cigarette for him and watching him take a first slow drag,
Todd had to ask.
 
“Well, this is kind of a new thing ain't it? I seem to recall you were a real
boyscout at school.”
 
Kurt grimaced at the sharp taste of the cheap cigarettes and sent Todd a
mirthless smile.
 
“I had novhere else to go then, so I had to behave myself. I don't need to as
much anymore. Besides, it helps vith the nerves.”
 
Todd's hand stopped on it's way to his mouth with his own cigarette, and he he
sent Kurt a surprised look.
 
“Nerves? What's to be nervous about now?”
 
Kurt took his time and didn't answer before he'd taken several more drags.
Finally he looked at Todd and again his eyes were again burning with the
sincerity that made Todd down right uncomfortable.
 
“I'm nervous about you. About being here. There's so much at stake. So much is
riding on vhether you join us or not.”
 
Todd's mouth fell open.
 
“Aw come on... it can't be that important. There's gotta be other mutants who
know more about the Brotherhood than me. I mean they never told me anythin'
much.”
 
Kurt's voice lowered and he looked away from Todd.
 
“There might have been. But not anymore. They're all gone. Dead.”
 
Todd felt his stomach turn to led.
 
“Who's left?”
 
Kurt sighed and fiddled with his cigarette.
 
“Lance and Pietro joined Magneto for good. Ve'd expected that. Vanda too, but
ve suspect he did something to her mind again. Tabetha is dead. And also...
Freddy.”
 
Todd felt his head spin. Freddy had been the only one who was ever kind to him.
If he hadn't joined forces with the others when they kicked him out, he would
have called him a friend. Todd's voice trembled as he spoke again.
 
“Who got 'im?”
 
“Ve don't know. But ve do know it took several mutants to do it and he took
three of them vith him”
 
Todd sat frozen for a minute. Then he got up and retrieved what was left of his
beer and came back to Kurt. He made a small upwards flick with the bottle in a
kind of toast, before downing the rest of it.
 
“Well here's to ya Freddy. Way to go.”
 
Kurt's voice revealed clearly how much sad desperation he was feeling now.
 
“Do you see now? Ve are running out of options. Ve need all the help ve can
get. You know more about the powers and veaknesses of the last Brotherhood
mutants than anyone left alive. Ve need you. If you don't join us ve have even
less chance of finding a vay to defeat Magneto and his army.”
 
Kurt shook his head in wonder.
 
“In fact, I'm surprised they haven't come for you yet.”
 
Todd sat for a while thinking things over. There had been that one guy a few
weeks ago...
 
“I think maybe they have. At least jus' to see if I was interested. This weirdo
came up to me a few weeks ago, and asked me if I wanted to come work for a
mutant organisation. He never said anythin' 'bout Magneto, but he... I dunno...
he freaked me out.”
 
Kurt's eyes were suddenly narrow and suspicious.
 
“How? And vhat did you say to him?”
 
Todd frowned at Kurt's expression and sat up straighter in his seat.
 
“Chill out okay? He was just weird. Looked normal enough, but he made my skin
crawl. B'sides, I told him I'd think about it. Somehow I got the feelin' that
tellin' him to stuff it wasn't the best idea.”
 
Kurt relaxed visibly.
 
“Vell it might just have saved your life. Have you seen him since?”
 
Todd shook his head.
 
“Naw. But as far as I know he could be stalkin' me right now like you did.”
 
Kurt finished his cigarette and flicked it out the open door.
 
“I doubt that. First of all, I think I vould have noticed. And secondly, it's
not the vay Magneto vorks. Not anymore. These days he only kills and recruits.
He doesn't manipulate anymore.”
 
Todd sat in stunned silence for a minute.
 
“Wow... things really have changed.”
 
Kurt smirked at him.
 
“So have you.”
 
Todd snorted.
 
“Yeah right. Instead of bein' a puny, little slimeball, I'm now a stronger,
larger slimeball, with better hygiene.”
 
“No, I mean... you have more confidence. Not that false confidence you had back
then. It's like you trust yourself more.”
 
Todd shrugged.
 
“Can't trust anyone else.”
 
Kurt caught his eye again.
 
“Ve could try and earn your trust. If you join us, I'm sure there must be
something ve can do to convince you that ve are trustvorthy.”
 
Todd looked down and scratched the label on his empty beer bottle.
 
“Look, it ain't gonna work. You're gonna start out nice and all that, but I
know that once you get what you want, I'm out in the cold again. It's always
been like that. And some things never change.”
 
“I'll give you my vord of honor that that von't happen.”
 
Todd snorted.
 
“What good are words? Never did me no good, that's for sure.”
 
“Vhat can I do to make you believe me?”
 
“Nothin' you can do Fuzzy. Your famous word of honor ain't gonna stop the world
from spinnin' like it's always done. And you and me are just tiny little farts
in the big picture.”
 
The silence fell heavy and cold between them and for the longest time the only
sound was that of Todd lighting his endless line of cigarettes. Kurt shook his
head when Todd offered him another and they were both deep in thought.
 
Eventually Todd felt the effects of his hard day and went to his fold-in bed.
 
“Crash here if you like. Couch is crap, but it's better than the floor.”
 
“Vielen Danke.”
 
He threw the top cover from his bed to the couch and let himself collapse on
the bed. He felt all his joints pop at being unfolded completely, and shifted
uneasily for a while. Kurt closed the door, turned off the light and quietly
went and sat down on the couch. After sitting cross-legged for a while in the
dark, he laid down carefully and pulled the blanket halfway over himself. Todd
could hear he wasn't sleeping and figured he was just as distracted as he was
himself.
 
His mind was buzzing with the day's events, and he laid wide awake for hours.
Sometime close to sunrise, he finally heard Kurt snoring quietly. He grinned.
So Fuzzy snored. Had the situation not been so desperate, he would have had a
good laugh about it when he woke up. But as things were right now, there wasn't
much room for fun. And at that moment it dawned on him that the war had found
him. Maybe not the way he had expected, but it was here as surely as the
sunlight creeping through the window.
 
With Kurt's appearance the war had closed its grip around him, and he was now
forced to take action somehow. He was not going to join Magneto, that much he
knew. But he didn't believe the naïve ideals of the X-men either. He felt
trapped and forced out of his quiet indifference to anything not concerning
him. But now the war did concern him. It had been so easy for Xavier to have
him followed, so he could only assume that Magneto would very soon know about
his visit from Kurt and assume that Toad wasn't going to fight for him.
 
That could only mean one thing. Death was coming. Like they had come for
Freddy, they would come for him. Fast and strong, and he had only himself to
turn to... or... He shuddered at the thought of fighting along with those
suckers, kissing Xavier's handicapped ass. But what were his other options?
Hiding? Well he could try, but knowing what kind of people Magneto had at his
disposal, it would probably only be a matter of time anyway.
 
When the sun's quivering orb rose above his windowsill, he was up, sitting with
a cigarette at the open fire escape door again. His heavy jaw was set and he
had resumed his old position of crouching on the floor, resting his elbows on
his knees. His hair was back in it's long ponytail and the shadows under his
eyes were very dark after his long sleepless night. All in all he felt
defeated, but still, he was accepting the turn of events relatively calm and
relaxed. And he knew what to do now. Having a plan helped.
 
He heard Kurt getting off the couch and slowly coming to him. He turned the
kitchen chair around and sat on it backwards, flicking his spaded tail
nervously. Todd felt him watching him, but refused to meet his yellow eyes.
Instead he spoke quietly to the air in front of him.
 
“I'm comin' back with you Fuzzy. I ain't joinin' you, but I'll give you any
info you need and I'll give you a week of my time. I can't promise anythin',
but I'm willin' to do this in return for a little help keepin' my mutant ass
hidden from Magneto.”
 
Kurt's face lit up in a smile, but a sharp look from Todd sobered him and
reminded him that it was by no means a success yet. But he still sighed with
relief and made no attempt to hide the emotion in his voice.
 
“You have my gratitude. And the professor's. Any help is vital these days.”
 
Todd turned away his eyes again, feeling it was all becoming too damn
emotional. So instead he turned to the practical needs of the day.
 
“Got your inducer thingy with ya, so we can leave today?”
 
Kurt flicked on the device on his wrist and Todd's eyes widened immensely
before he snorted out a choked grin.
 
“Jeez Fuzzy... that's a new look for you!”
 
The man in front of him was certainly nothing like the merry teenager he
remembered from the earlier inducer image. Short, sleeked black hair and a
small trimmed moustache on the face of a rather brusque looking guy, who in
Todd's opinion looked absolutely nothing like the real Kurt. The teenage image
had at least imitated his own look to some degree, but this was someone
completely different.
 
Kurt smiled and brushed some invisible fluff off his induced shirt and jeans.
 
“Vell I kinda like it. Besides I rarely use it anymore. I don't need to be in
public much these days. Most of my vork is concerned other mutants, so my real
image is better.”
 
Todd couldn't seem to get rid of his grin.
 
“Well if you like it... but that moustache, yo... ya look like some creepy porn
star or somethin'!”
 
Kurt grinned back.
 
“Vell at least I don't look like a mean biker who needs expensive soap for his
delicate skin.”
 
Just to underline the joke, he pranced a few steps with very loose wrists and
made his voice brighter. Time for fun or not, that called for retaliation!
 
“Hmpf! Comin' from the snorin' gecko.”
 
Kurt put on a mock offended face.
 
“Snoring? Me?! I certainly do not! You must have been dreaming!”
 
“I do believe YOU were the one dreamin', since I heard you snorin' for hours!”
 
Just as Todd felt his mood was light for the first time in years, Kurt's
induced face settled in a warm smile and made him slightly uncomfortable. He
averted his eyes and finished his cigarette.
 
“So uhm... I'll just go grab some stuff and we're off.”
 
Kurt just nodded and sat by the open door, while he gathered a few things in a
duffel bag and they left the small apartment within minutes.
***** Chapter 4 *****
The train ride back to Westchester was taken in complete silence on Todd's
part. Kurt tried a few times to initiate some form of conversation, but Todd
was not going to humor him. He'd seen something in the station that made him
wonder if his life was over no matter what he did. For a second he was sure he
had seen the creepy guy again.
 
He cursed himself for having been so casual about this train trip. He hadn't
really thought it was a big deal, but here it was. In one second and with a
single glance from his pursuer, he was branded as an enemy. He had been seen
leaving with a member of the X-men. He could only assume death would be the
next step.
 
He didn't think Kurt had seen him, and even if he did, he wouldn't know who he
was, of course. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell him. So he just kept his stony
silence for hours, until they finally arrived at the Xavier Institute late in
the afternoon.
 
Kurt hadn't been able to call in that they were coming, since first of all Todd
didn't have a phone, and he didn't dare risk using an unsafe line. So when they
stepped through the double doors of the mansion, the first person they met was
Kitty Pryde, chatting casually with some Asian girl that Todd didn't know. When
she saw them, she hurried over to give Kurt and hug and welcome him back in her
high pitched girly voice. In Todd's opinion she hadn't changed a bit. A bit
taller maybe, but everything else was the same. In the middle of the hug, she
suddenly realized that someone was with Kurt and much to Todd's surprise, her
eyes widened and she sent him a warm, friendly smile.
 
“Well hi there! Kurt? Who's your new friend?”
 
Kurt laughed and gently disentangled himself from Kitty.
 
“Don't you recognize him Kitty?”
 
She sent Todd an appraising look and raised an eyebrow in a flirtatious way.
 
“No, I'm sure I would've remembered you.”
 
Kurt had to hide his mouth behind both of his hands, not to howl with laughter,
and even Todd was finding it hard to keep a straight face. Kitty realized
something was going on and poked Kurt hard in the ribs to stop him laughing. A
moment later he was finally able to remove his hands from his face and
reintroduce Todd Tolansky.
 
The look on Kitty's face was priceless. Todd snorted with laughter when she
heard his name. Kitty's face was a weird mix of disgust, wonder and admiration.
Oh, it was worth it coming to the mansion just for this! After several rounds
of swallowing and blinking in disbelief, Kitty finally found her voice again.
 
“Wow.... Toad... you've changed!”
 
Todd made a mock little bow for her.
 
“Can't say the same for you Kitty cat.”
 
She was still too stunned to really reply to that, so Kurt pulled Todd away,
telling Kitty he'd see her later. Just as they were turning a corner, Todd
distinctly heard the Asian girl ask if Toad wasn't that disgusting slimeball
she'd told her about. Kitty's voice was faint, but still clear enough for Todd
to catch her reply.
 
“Yeah... but now I could totally date him.”
 
He very nearly tripped over his own feet. No way. He hadn't thought he'd
changed that much. But Kitty had been one of the more cruel of his classmates,
when it came to pointing out just how many ways he made her vomit. And now she
thought he looked good enough to be dating material? No way!
 
“I vill take you to see the professor first. I don't think he vill vant to talk
to you right now, but he should know that you're here.”
 
“Sure, whatever.”
 
Kurt was still grinning stupidly, and Todd put away his thoughts about dating
for later. After a polite knock on a heavy oaken door, Kurt stepped in without
hesitation. Professor Xavier turned his wheel chair around to face him and
greeted Kurt before Todd plucked up the courage to actually come in.
 
“Ah, Kurt! I'm glad to see you home again. Was your mission a success?”
 
Todd edged into the room with his hands in his pockets, feeling very much like
the insecure schoolboy he thought he'd left behind when he left the
Brotherhood. Looking over his shoulder and smiling reassuring, Kurt nodded.
 
“Jah, more or less.”
 
Xavier seemed not the least bit surprised to see him there, and from what Todd
knew of what the bald cripple could do with his mind, he wasn't surprised
himself. A voice from another part of the room made him jump though, as he had
not seen anyone else was there.
 
“Well well. Toad. We meet again.”
 
Scott Summers was leaned against a bookcase behind the open door and he closed
it with a poorly hidden grimace at the sight of Todd. Xavier sent him a look
that would have stopped a train, and he clenched his teeth tightly together,
probably to avoid saying anything more. Todd glared at Scott, but otherwise
felt it was best to keep his mouth shut. The mansion still felt like enemy
territory and Scott was certainly not trying to make it otherwise. Xavier held
out his hand to Todd and sent him a welcoming, but very tired smile.
 
“Todd. I'm so glad you decided to come. We need all the help we can get in
these troubled times.”
 
Todd swallowed and shook hands, but felt he'd better say something before they
got too damn emotional about it.
 
“Yeah well, don't get all excited. I ain't joinin' ya. I'll help ya. Any info I
got is yours. But I ain't gonna be no X-Man.”
 
Scott huffed in a way that very clearly said 'like that's ever gonna happen'.
Xavier sent him a very stern look, but didn't seem disappointed at all at
Todd's words.
 
“Any help you are prepared to give is very welcome. I'm sorry, but I won't have
time to discuss this with you right now, so we shall have to wait until
tomorrow. Kurt, would you find a room for our guest for the night, and get him
settled in? We will talk first thing tomorrow, Todd.”
 
Kurt nodded and Todd noticed for the first time that he was glaring rather
menacingly at Scott. Todd wondered about it as they were supposed to be
friends. But then again, if the objective had been to recruit him, then Kurt
had failed, and snide comments was probably not what Fuzzy wanted to hear right
then.
 
“Sure, first thing tomorrow Professor. I vill put Todd in Amara's old room.”
 
Xavier's eyes settled coldly on Scott who looked more and more uncomfortable,
so Kurt and Todd quietly sidled out of the room as soon as Xavier answered.
 
“Whatever you feel is appropriate Kurt.”
 
Kurt closed the door behind them and silently shook his hand like he had
slammed it in the door. His face was screwed up in a funny grimace that clearly
stated that he was sure Scott was in for some big trouble. Todd grinned and
followed Kurt down the hall.
 
“Well... Summers hasn't changed one bit.”
 
Kurt shook his head and frowned.
 
“I don't know vhat's up vith him. He vas the one who suggested ve found you in
the first place. Vhy is he being such a dick?”
 
Todd shrugged and looked at his toes.
 
“I don't think I'm the right guy to ask that, really. He's always been like
that. 'Least to me.”
 
Kurt looked like he was about to say something but decided against it before
anything made it past his lips. Todd was relieved. He wasn't sure he wanted any
sympathy right now. After a few moments of silence Kurt cleared his throat and
changed the subject.
 
“Amara's old room is right next to mine, so if you need anything, you know
vhere to go.”
 
“Thanks. Amara... she's that lava chick, right?”
 
Kurt's face fell and Todd knew he'd stepped in it.
 
“Jah... vell she vas. She's dead too. Ve have lost many friends in the past few
years.”
 
Todd looked at his feet and cursed his lack of delicacy.
 
“Sorry man. She was a nice person.”
 
Kurt nodded, and sent Todd an overbearing smile.
 
“Don't feel bad Todd. You didn't know.”
 
Todd shrugged, not knowing what to say. They got to the room and it was as huge
as Todd expected. The mansion was huge and luxurious in general, and even
though it was years ago, he felt that little familiar sting of envy at how much
the X-men had compared to the Brotherhood. Kurt stood in the door, while he
threw his duffel bag onto the desk and sat down on the bed, testing the
springs.
 
“Hey, you vant something to eat?”
 
Todd nodded, and they slowly made their way to the kitchen downstairs. Along
the way, Todd couldn't help noticing just how quiet it was. He had somehow
expected the Xavier mansion to be crawling with mutants, but so far it seemed
almost deserted. As they sat down at the kitchen table to eat their way through
the various leftovers they found in the fridge, Todd couldn't help but ask
about it.
 
“Yo Fuzzy... where is everybody? They ain't ALL... dead... are they?”
 
Kurt smiled reassuringly while poking holes in his lasagna.
 
“Nah, but ve are not as many as ve used to be. Right now, most of us are out
doing vhat I did vith you. Usually ve vork in pairs, but I vas the only one who
volunteered, so I did it alone.”
 
Todd frowned at the renewed reminder of the X-men's usual attitude towards him,
but other thoughts were more pressing in his mind and he chewed thoughtfully
before talking again.
 
“So, who've you got left?”
 
Kurt's brow furrowed and his yellow eyes flickered.
 
“Look Todd... it's not that I don't vant to tell you... it's just... since
you're not joining us...having you here in the mansion is a risk already.”
 
Todd was confused for a second, but then it dawned on him.
 
“Oh... you think I'm gonna run back to Magneto and spill the beans on ya? Why
would I do that? The guy screwed me over!”
 
Kurt held out his hands in a calming gesture.
 
“Nein, Todd, that's not what I mean. It's just... you might get caught and
Magneto has the power to either force any information out of you, or brainvash
you to join his cause. Even if the professor vould erase your memories of this
visit – vhich I doubt he vould - ve can't be sure Magneto doesn't have access
to mutants who can undo the professor's vork.”
 
Suddenly, Todd's appetite was completely gone and both he and Kurt sat for a
while in silence, just poking their food. Finally Kurt sighed and put down his
fork, his eyes suddenly flashing with mischief.
 
“Hey Todd... vanna break a few house rules and go eat in the den? Ve could
vatch a movie and just chill out. There's not much ve can do until tomorrow
anyvay.”
 
Todd looked up at the blue mutant, thinking that at that moment, he looked very
much like the elf he was sometimes compared to. He couldn't help but smile and
decided to play along.
 
“All right. But only if you lemme have my ciggies too.”
 
Kurt opened his arms in a confident gesture.
 
“Sure. If ve're gonna break rules, ve might as vell go all out.”
 
They settled down on the couch in the den and Todd let Kurt pick out a movie.
He picked one of his personal favorites and after a while of casual movie
watching they both started to relax and soon the food was gone. Todd felt more
cheerful than he had in years, as they laughed and joked about the movie. It
was so easy to forget about loneliness, pain and war when he was sitting on a
soft couch in a dark room, with his belly full of food and a friendly person
next to him.
 
He found as they started a second movie, that he didn't actually care about his
past with Kurt. He was a relaxed, friendly and open minded guy with a great
sense of humor... so what if they beat each other to pulp ten years ago? They
were just kids really. Todd's logical mind jumped in to point out that as
friendly as he might be, he would screw him over at some point just like
everybody else did. He knew it was true, but he decided to not care for a
little while. After years of hard work and struggling just to be left alone, he
felt he was allowed to have some casual fun.
 
He suddenly noticed that Kurt was watching him. He ignored it for a while, but
eventually it creeped him out.
 
“What Fuzzy? Got somethin' on my face? What?”
 
Kurt started a little and looked down.
 
“Oh! No, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to stare. I just still can't believe how
much you've changed.”
 
Todd huffed and lit a cigarette.
 
“Yeah well, my looks must'a changed a lot more than I thought, since Kitty-cat
almost jumped me back there. But the rest is same as always.”
 
Kurt rested his chin on his hand and gave him a searching look.
 
“You mean you were always strong, kind, helpful, honest and funny?”
 
Todd almost dropped his cigarette and simply stared open mouthed at Kurt, who
was sporting a wide smile on his blue face.
 
“Woah, I must'a hit you harder than I thought yesterday. Cause that sure as
Hell don't sound like me. But yeah. I was always a pretty decent guy to people
who deserved it. Least I thought they did...”
 
The negative memories suddenly washed over him and his eyes stared into thin
air, as he was drawn deeper into the past scenes unfurling before his inner
eyes. He felt his usual pessimism set in with unexpected intensity and all the
comfort of the evening seemed to seep away, like sand through his webbed
fingers. His face must have betrayed his mind, because he was woken from his
black train of thought by a warm, furry hand on his forearm.
 
“Hey, are you okay?”
 
Todd tried to gather his thoughts again and focus on what Kurt had said but the
painful fog of his memories just wouldn't go away. So he shook his head and
closed his eyes, trying will it away.
 
“Are you sick? Can I get you anything?”
 
Finally Todd got his speech working.
 
“Naw, I'm fine man. I'm just... just...”
 
And then it stopped working again. The warm hand was still on his arm and he
found it was an easy point to focus on and slowly crawl back to his senses.
After a few minutes of simply breathing and soaking up the feeling of the warm
hand, now gently rubbing his skin with a soft thumb, he finally felt it was
safe to open his eyes and look at Kurt.
 
What he saw shocked him thoroughly out of his misery. Nobody had ever looked at
him like that. Ever. Kurt's golden eyes were wide open and concerned. And they
were glowing at him with a sincerity and closeness he had never felt. Not even
in his brief time with the Brotherhood mutants, which were the only remotely
friendly people he ever remembered being close to.
 
At first he was just shocked. Then he was disbelieving, and finally he was
slowly starting to feel creeped out. Kurt seemed to catch on to it and
eventually removed his hand. But the look was still there, making Todd sweat
with uncertainty. He wasn't sure how to deal with this. He lunged at it when
Kurt spoke again, giving him a change to change the scene.
 
“Are you sure you're okay Todd?
 
He nodded fervently.
 
“Yeah, I'm good. It's just... being back here brings back memories. Not the
good kind. I dunno it just bums me out, man.”
 
“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”
 
Todd sighed and discarded his cigarette, which had slowly gone out between his
fingers.
 
“I doubt that. Usually I get myself stinkin' drunk and pass out.”
 
Kurt laughed quietly and silence fell. Todd hid his face in his hands and tried
to empty his mind. He wasn't having much success and was just about ready to
leave the damn mansion to go find something that would get him fantastically
drunk, when he heard Kurt's voice from somewhere he wasn't expecting.
 
“Hey Todd? Look...”
 
He looked at where Kurt had been before, but the couch was empty and it took a
little while before Todd realized that the blue fuzzball was on the ceiling,
hanging upside down by his tail from the hook holding an old iron chandelier.
He held out his hands and legs and swung back and forth like some bizarre
circus performer.
 
“Tadaa!”
 
Todd snorted with disbelieving laughter.
 
“What the hell are you doin', man?!”
 
Still swinging, Kurt grinned.
 
“Vell, it always makes Kitty smile vhen she's having a bad day. And it vorked
for you too. You're smiling.”
 
Todd realized he was and clapped his forehead in surrender.
 
“You're so weird, yo.”
 
“Maybe. But I made you smile.”
 
With an impish grin Kurt flipped over backwards, gripped his ankles, formed
himself into a blue, fuzzy circle and dangled back and forth. Todd chuckled and
fell back onto the couch, clutching his head.
 
“Aw man, you're gonna over-stretch somethin' vital!”
 
He uncoiled himself and started making combat postures upside down.
 
“Nein, I'm flexible, remember?”
 
Todd was now laughing out loud, and gave up any resistance to the mirth now
bubbling up. He hadn't had a good laugh in ages, and it was bliss giving in to
it. Kurt kept up his goofing off until Todd was rolling on the couch begging
for mercy.
 
“No more, man! Please! I can't breathe!”
 
Kurt landed on the floor with a soft thump and plopped down on the couch next
to Todd.
 
“Vell then maybe you shouldn't smoke so much.”
 
With a final chuckle Todd was able to breathe again and fell back onto the
armrest of the couch, heaving and gasping.
 
“Yeah right. At least I don't mutilate my body for other people's fun.”
 
Kurt shrugged.
 
“Like I said, I'm flexible.”
 
Todd stretched out and put one arm behind his head.
 
“Riiight, I bet you're real popular with the ladies.”
 
Kurt huffed in a very dismissive way and Todd looked at him with slight
surprise.
 
“What, you don't like girls?”
 
Kurt sent him a crooked smile.
 
“How could you tell?”
 
Todd dropped his jaw. He had really only meant it as a joke.
 
“What... you're gay?”
 
Kurt simply nodded and sat back waiting for Todd's reaction. After a while of
numb staring he cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck feeling
embarrassed.
 
“Well... didn't see that one comin'.”
 
Kurt looked down, suddenly shy, and picked some lint off his uniform.
 
“How long've you been gay?”
 
A sudden giggle escaped Kurt and he sent Todd a look of overbearing
exasperation. Todd rolled his eyes and nodded.
 
“Ah... guess I set myself up for that one. Well then how long have you been...
what's the sayin'... out of the closet?”
 
“A few years now.”
 
Chewing on this new piece of information, Todd fell silent. He didn't mind gay
people at all. Hell, he didn't mind people's sexuality in general, as it was a
personal thing in his opinion. But he had to confess it came as something of a
surprise. He never would have guessed Fuzzy was gay. Trying to regain some of
the good mood, he decided to treat it with light humor.
 
“So... dated anyone I know?”
 
Kurt barked out a short laugh.
 
“Nah I doubt that. I had to leave Vestchester for two years before I dared even
admit it to myself.”
 
Again Todd's mouth fell open.
 
“You left the X-men? Why?”
 
With a nervous sideways glance at Todd, Kurt bit his lip, exposing a white,
pointed fang and shifted uneasily.
 
“You'll laugh.”
 
“Come on, tell me! Had to be big to tear you away from geek-central.”
 
With a deep sigh, Kurt steeled his shoulders and looked determinedly at the
floor.
 
“Vell... I vas raised as a Catholic and...I left because... I vanted to study
to become a priest.”
 
To his surprise Todd didn't laugh. He didn't even smile.
 
“Nothin' wrong with that. Gotta do what you gotta do. But I guess that ain't
gonna happen now... the whole gay sinner thing and all, right?”
 
Kurt's mouth became a very thin line, as he chewed his lips in the sudden
reminder of the sting of giving up what he for the longest time had considered
his future path. Todd caught on and felt he'd stepped in it again.
 
“Aw man I'm sorry. Didn't mean to make it sound like that.”
 
Unclenching his shoulders, Kurt smiled again and shook his head.
 
“It's okay. I can't change it and I'm dealing vith it.”
 
Feeling exhausted after all the emotional roller-coaster trips in one evening,
Todd yawned and rubbed his eyes.
 
“Perhaps ve should go to bed. The professor vants to see you early tomorrow, so
ve better get some sleep.”
 
Todd just nodded and helped Kurt clear away their things, before going to their
rooms. They said goodnight without looking at each other and Todd crashed on
his bed fully clothed and fell asleep within seconds.
***** Chapter 5 *****
The next few days were a blur of questions and answers for Todd. He didn't
think he'd talked this much in his whole life, and his mind soon felt wrung out
like a sponge. He was slowly starting to think that the professor's suggestion
of reading his mind was a good idea. He'd refused blankly at first, but as it
only fuelled Scott's snide comments and hints that he would scurry off to
Magneto at first opportunity, he was starting to think the idea was better and
better. Besides, he was having real trouble figuring out exactly what Xavier
was looking for.
 
What on earth would they do with information like what Pietro's eating habits
were? Or if Wanda ever dated any of them? He could give them detailed
descriptions of exactly how it felt being blasted through a wall by one of her
spells, but other than that, he didn't see the relevance. But if he let the
professor read his mind... he really dreaded sharing some specific memories
with anyone. Especially the X-men. He didn't think he could bear Scott knowing
all about his horrible past. He would think it was hilarious and the Professor
would more than likely pity him. And both reactions would probably make Todd
physically ill.
 
He spent his evenings with Kurt and found himself regretting they had been
enemies back in school. They had fun together and he couldn't help but imagine
all the times where he could have been happier, if he'd had a friend like Kurt
then. His logic still chirped in now and again that he couldn't trust him, but
Todd chose to ignore it more and more. Didn't he deserve a little fun? And it
wasn't like he'd be sorry to leave at the end of the week. The mansion still
made him feel awkward and unwelcome.
 
The only other X-men he had seen had been Kitty and her Asian friend, but they
seemed to avoid him and he never talked to them if he did happen to see them.
He suspected Scott might have asked the rest of the X-geeks to stay clear of
him. He wouldn't put it past him. Not that Todd cared, either. What he cared
about most of the time, was that smoking wasn't allowed in the mansion, and
that he was kept in Xavier's private office for hours on end answering
questions. Kurt was always there with him, but no matter how much he glared at
Scott, this didn't seem to improve his attitude towards Todd any bit at all. So
mostly he was stressed out, tired and nicotine deprived.
 
By Tuesday he was frayed at the edges and just to top it off, Xavier had to be
somewhere, so Scott was doing the questioning. More like interviewing a suspect
than anything else. Todd stood up with it for over two hours before he snapped.
After a very heated exchange about where he could stuff his questions, Todd
stalked off to smoke and calm his nerves, without bothering to wait for Kurt.
 
Halfway down the hall however, he noticed he'd left his jacket inside the
office, and his cigarettes were in the front pocket. He considered just going
to buy some more, but his craving was severe, so he sighed deeply and went back
to the office. Just as he was about to grab the knob, he heard raised voices
and decided he'd better wait it out before entering. The voices were loud and
angry, so Todd had no trouble hearing everything, even though he tried not to
listen.
 
“Vhat the hell vas that? Are you TRYING to scare him off??”
 
Scott did his best to sound cool, but he couldn't hide his annoyance.
 
“Maybe I am. Better he leaves now before he discovers something vital.”
 
“You still think he'll join Magneto?”
 
Scott's temper made him yell rather shrilly.
 
“I don't think, I KNOW!”
 
Kurt's voice dropped to talking level and quivered with suppressed rage as he
answered.
 
“You're vrong!”
 
Scott growled and Todd could almost sense him pacing the room right inside the
door.
 
“I know him! He's the same gutless little weasel he was ten years ago! Always
hanging around with the bad boys, hoping for some cheap glory!”
 
Still Kurt's voice was lower, but his volume was slowly climbing, along with
his anger.
 
“He's changed!”
 
“Has he? Except from the smell, I've seen no positive change what so ever!”
 
“Vell have you given him the chance? You've been nothing but a dick all the
time he's been here!”
 
Scott huffed.
 
“No point in wasting courtesy on a rat.”
 
Todd almost jumped away from the door, as Kurt's angry voice suddenly sliced
through the silent hall.
 
“Verdammt Scott! You von't even give him the slightest break! How are you ever
going to see anything but vhat you vant, if you don't lay off him a bit?!”
 
“What, I'm supposed to smile and wave, just because you've suddenly decided
that Toad-face is your new crush?!”
 
Suddenly the voices were as good as gone and only because Todd knew there was a
voice to hear, did he hear Kurt's answer.
 
“He's not my crush.”
 
Scott was still seething and made no effort to lower his voice.
 
“Then what exactly is he then? He must be something since you not only brought
him back to the mansion when I specifically asked you not to, but you're also
making lovesick puppy eyes at him all the time! Jeez! You make me puke!”
 
Kurt's voice sounded small and hurt, even through the door.
 
“So that's it. It's the gay thing that makes you such an ass!”
 
Those words made Scott's voice climb to new hysterical heights and Todd winced
at the shrill yelling.
 
“Don't gimme that! I stood up for you when you came back, fresh out of the
closet! But if you have to go hump some guy, why on earth did you have to go
and choose TOAD?!”
 
Kurt's voice was nearly inaudible in comparison and Todd strained his ears to
hear the answer to this one. He would've asked the same question.
 
“I didn't choose him. It just happened.”
 
“WHAT happened?!”
 
“... I fell in love.”
 
All sound died and Todd could hear the blood pounding in his ears in the sudden
silence. What did Fuzzy just say? What...?
 
Scott was obviously thinking along the same lines.
 
“You've got to be kidding.”
 
Kurt's tone was defensive and bitter.
 
“Like I said. You don't know him.”
 
Todd heard Scott stomping around for a while and he could easily imagine him
pulling his hair out or something. Todd felt like doing similar things at that
moment. When Scott finally spoke again his voice was exasperated and
disbelieving.
 
“When did this happen?”
 
“About ten years ago.”
 
Scott's frustration was obvious as he suddenly yelled again.
 
“Aw, come on. You can't be serious! You two beat each other to mince!”
 
This time Todd really did jump away from the door, when Kurt suddenly screamed
his lungs out.
 
“Do you think I liked it!? Do you think I enjoyed being attracted to a guy, who
also just happened to be the most unattractive of all our numerous enemies?!
Vhat ever it vas he did to me, I tried desperately to punch it out of him! And
out of myself! I'm a Catholic Scott! Imagine vhat that did to my mind!”
 
His volume only increased as his indignation flowed out of him, venting all of
the frustration of the whole situation on Scott.
 
“I vent around for years villing myself not to be gay! Todd vas long gone and I
tried, Scott! I tried really hard to forget! But he vas alvays there! In the
back of my head, driving my crazy! Vhen I finally admit everything to myself,
he's disappeared and I spend years heartbroken!! And vhen I against all odds
find him again and get a chance to make things right, you have to be the
vorld's biggest ass and drive him avay!!!”
 
The following silence was deafening, both in the hallway and the office. Todd
was nailed to the ground. All this was completely beyond his comprehension, but
he couldn't make himself leave. He needed to hear more. To understand this.
 
He didn't get the chance however, as he suddenly heard footsteps very close
behind the door. From pure reflex he jumped and ended up on the ceiling.
Clinging onto a chandelier he held his breath as first Kurt, and seconds later,
Scott stomped by right underneath without seeing him. As soon as they were
gone, he slipped into the office and closed the door behind him.
 
What the hell was that? Fuzzy? In love with him?! Had the world suddenly done a
back flip without notifying Todd? For the longest time he simply stood leaned
against the door, trying to make sense of all the thoughts suddenly whizzing
around in his skull. Eventually his body reminded him that he still hadn't
smoked, so he grabbed his jacket and jumped out of the window, to avoid bumping
into either Kurt or Scott in the hallways.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Out in the grounds around the mansion he walked around, quickly smoking his way
through the remaining half pack. His brain felt like it was having a major melt
down. He had never been good at dealing with things like this. Feelings and
stuff. Replaying the conversation over and over in his head, his mood shifted
like a traffic light. Deep offence at the 'unattractive' part (although he
couldn't actually deny that he had been very disgusting at times). Wonder at
all the violence needed to deal with something so potentially nice, and a
feeling of being flattered that Fuzzy actually thought he loved him.
 
Because Blue-boy was wrong of course. Nobody ever loved Todd. Not even his own
mother had loved him. If what she had bestowed on him had been love, he would
much rather be without it. And on top of it all, his logical mind screamed out
the one thing he just could not ignore. He had been lied to yet again. Not just
once, but every single time he'd clashed with Fuzzy. It had all been a lie.
Even when he was reminded of it back in his apartment it had been a lie.
 
He had thought they were mortal enemies... but what were they now? Hell, now he
didn't even know what they were back then! Were they really beating the crap
out of each other, or was it just Blue-boy having a really twisted need for
violence to get himself off? Somehow he didn't think so. No, it had been real
enough. The pain had been there, and the need to feel it seep out of you with
every bruise and cut. No, the pain had been the same. Even if the reason had
been another than Todd used to think.
 
So the past was still fitting relatively snugly into the little box he had put
it in to begin with. But where did that leave them now? As bitter as he was,
Todd knew he might be wrong about not needing anybody. He had been lonely for
years, and only the fear of more betrayal had kept him from trying to change
it. And then Fuzzy had dropped by... literally.
 
As soon as he recognized him, Todd had felt at ease in his company. He hadn't
even noticed then, but he had stopped fighting. Had it been ten years ago, he
would have jumped at any opportunity to beat his nemesis to pulp. But now...
why had he backed off? With a sinking feeling in his gut, he realized that he
did know. He just didn't want to see it. He had longed for a friendly face. In
his darkest, loneliest moments, he had occasionally admitted to himself that he
would welcome anyone who knew him. Anyone who didn't scream or shudder when
they saw his green tongue or his webbed fingers.
 
As hostile as their encounters had always been, their respective mutations had
never been the issue. They were both freaks, and perhaps that was part of the
strange mutual attraction they had both felt – although differently – from the
first second. But where did that leave them now? Todd had been more grateful to
see Kurt than he ever wanted to admit to himself. Or to anyone else for that
matter. He had lunged at the opportunity for some companionship. For a chance
to push away his loneliness for just a little while.
 
Reaching for another cigarette, he realized the pack was empty. With a sigh he
headed out of the grounds to find a place to buy more. It was the middle of the
day and the autumn holiday shoppers were slowly multiplying on the streets. He
headed for a small store he knew had been one of the few shops he generally
hadn't tried to shoplift. Less chance of being recognized and kicked out in
there. On his way back he crossed a small park with determined steps, his mind
still full of questions, and didn't notice much around him.
 
Suddenly he felt something sting him on the back of his neck. He reached back
and pulled out three small, sharp needles, wood-like in texture. As he spun
around trying to find his attacker, his head swam and he felt his legs wobble.
He tried to jump away to somewhere safe, but only managed to tip himself over
and land heavily on his side. His body felt numb and he was terrified of what
could have been on the needles. His vision blurred more and more and he just
managed to see a vague figure approaching, before everything went black.
***** Chapter 7 *****
He was so thirsty. His tongue felt like it filled his whole mouth and his lips
cracked when he tried to open his mouth. How long had he been out? As Todd
slowly woke up, he realized he was in a low ceilinged room, chained to ceiling
and floor, arms and legs spread out so he was hanging by his arms. The room was
a crude concrete bunker type of thing, completely empty apart from himself, his
chains nailed to the surfaces with huge bolts. He could only just stand. No
chance of crouching even a little for a jump to attempt to break the chains.
 
He felt seriously ill. His head was spinning and he felt hot and cold in turns.
Like he was having a really bad fever. Despite the cold sweat making him feel
clammy and chilled, his skin was crusty and itchy, as if he really was a toad
and had been left in the sun for hours to dry out. He moved his arms to test
the chains and had to cry out in pain when the skin in his armpit cracked open.
He kept himself as still as possible to avoid it happening again and simply
concentrated on breathing steady and keeping calm.
 
His cry of pain seemed to alert his captors to the fact that he was awake and
soon he heard footsteps outside the door. When the door opened Todd was only
briefly surprised to see the creepy guy. So they were spotted at the train
station. Figures.
 
“Ah, I see the sleeping slimy is awake.”
 
Todd would usually have barked out a sharp retort to the insult, but his lips
kept splitting open, so he settled for an evil scowl. The creepy guy smiled at
Todd's wincing and seemed to enjoy seeing him in pain. This was probably what
made him creepy, because he wasn't exactly ugly as far as Todd could see. Tall,
dark haired and neatly groomed he looked like a real ladies' man. Except for
his nails. Todd hadn't noticed before, but the guy had long, femininely
manicured fingernails, painted black like some sort of goth style.
 
“I would've asked you how you're feeling, but after what I gave you, I assume
you're feeling rather ill right now. Though I wouldn't know exactly which
effect my little mix of poisons would have on you. It always reacts quite
interestingly with mutants.”
 
Todd shivered as one of the manicured hands reached out for his face, and to
his horror he saw that as the hand stretched out, more of the little needles he
had been shot with were growing out under the black nails. The hand stopped
right in front of Todd's face and the fingers spread out, to reveal several
needles under each nail.
 
“Perhaps we should have a little fun? I have plenty more things to try if
you're up for a little experimentation.”
 
The hand pulled suddenly back and the needles disappeared back under the nails.
Todd's captor sighed slightly disappointed and hid his hands behind his back.
 
“But I'm afraid playtime will have to wait. We have much to discuss. You and
I.”
 
Todd managed to part his lips just enough to cough out the only thing he cared
to say to this guy.
 
“Fuck off!”
 
“Oooh, he talks. Good. I was hoping you would. Would be such a waste of time to
wait for a telepath to get here and pull our information out of your slimy
little head.”
 
One of the black nails scratched absent-mindedly across the cheek of the smooth
face.
 
“I have been told to offer you this now. And listen carefully, because this is
a one time offer. If you tell us everything you know about Xavier and his X-men
willingly, Magneto will let you join his cause and forgive your foolish
association with his most hated enemy.”
 
Todd shook his head very gently to avoid more cracks in his skin, but his
menacing look made it very clear what his answer was.
 
“Bad choice. We could have been friends you know. After all, we have so much in
common.”
 
The sarcasm was thick as tar and Todd felt his lips bleed as he sneered at the
mutant.
 
“Curl up and die asshole!”
 
The captor laughed and checked the state of his nails.
 
“'Asshole'... oh what a witty retort. But then again, I haven't introduced
myself. The name is Bane.”
 
Bane made a small mock bow at Todd.
 
“Since you have denied the generous offer to join us, I regret to announce that
you will die when we are done. The only thing you have to decide now, is
whether you want to die quickly and painlessly...”
 
He moved closer and with his fingers spread wide on both hands he produced a
myriad of more needles, stopping only an inch from Todd's face.
 
“...or slowly and very painfully.”
 
Todd's eyes widened, but he didn't flinch. Not only would it probably make his
skin crack more, but he also didn't want to give Bane the satisfaction of
seeing him afraid. Letting the tips of the needles brush Todd's skin, making it
itch and sting even more, he made it obvious that he would enjoy the slow and
painful procedure.
 
“Now... tell me... what are the X-men planning, that would involve a slimeball
like you?”
 
Todd's puzzled expression answered for him, or so he thought. He felt a needle
penetrate his cheek and suddenly the whole side of his face burned.
 
“Don't play coy with me. They must have needed you pretty badly to track you
down and recruit you. I've gotta hand it to you. You're a hard guy to find.
Even for a man like Magneto.”
 
Wincing from the pain, Todd felt more cracks in his skin. His salty, cold sweat
made every cut burn and he groaned as he felt another needle.
 
“What do they need you for? Is there more to your disgusting powers than meets
the eye?”
 
Shaking his head, he tried to convey a no, but his vision blurred again, and
the burning in his face was slowly spreading across his neck and chest.
 
“I will ask you one last time. Why did they bring you to the mansion?”
 
Todd was about to shake his head again, as he honestly didn't know. Scott had
said he wasn't supposed to have been there. But Kurt...
 
Then suddenly it dawned on him. Kurt had volunteered to find him. He had told
him what they needed him for and brought him back, disregarding Scott's orders
completely. He had made sure he was comfortable, cheered him up and been at his
side through all the exhausting questioning. He had yelled at Scott, who was
supposedly his best friend... all for Todd. Maybe... just maybe...Fuzzy did
love him?
 
And then something else occurred to him. If that was the case, then he would
have to assume that what Kurt had said about falling for him ten years ago was
also true. Which in turn would mean that Todd had been loved deeply for years
and hadn't even known it. It was so comforting and tragic at the same time that
he couldn't help but laugh, making more blood ooze from his splitting lip.
 
“What the hell is so funny?”
 
Todd kept laughing. Life was a bitch, there was no denying it. All these years
spent alone... and he didn't even have to. And of all the people to love him,
it had to be the one person he thought he despised most. It was surreal and so
incredibly stupid that Todd had to keep laughing. If he didn't keep laughing,
he would cry. And if he had to die from those horrifying needles, he would go
out with a smile. And he knew he would now. Because someone loved The Toad.
Someone would care when he died. Someone would cry the tears for him.
 
Bane slashed his cheek open with just his nails, obviously not wanting to
poison him more than he had to.
 
“Tell me toad-face! What's so damn funny?!”
 
Even with the fresh blood gushing from his cheek, he still laughed weakly and
blinking fervently he was finally able to focus his eyes on Bane again.
 
“Might as well kill me now, you prick. They fucked up! They don't need me for
anythin'! Only reason I was in the mansion, was 'cause one of 'em fell in love
with me! How unreal is that?! You guys have wasted all this time tryin' to
figure out what's so special 'bout me. You sad fucks!”
 
All the blood drained from Bane's face, as he watched Todd laugh and slowly
crack more and more of his own skin open from it.
 
“LIAR!”
 
The howl made Todd laugh even more and he felt his face split open several more
places when he smiled.
 
“It's true. Get your shrinks. See for yourself.”
 
As much as Bane wanted to think it was all a lie, he knew it wasn't. His face
was a grimace of disgust and disappointment.
 
“Very well. There is no real use for you then. Except maybe a little fun. I
guess it's playtime for Bane...”
 
Todd was ready to die when the fingers approached again, more and more needles
closing in on his face, and he closed his eyes waiting for it to happen. All in
all he found it a very good way to go, considering how many times he had been
close to dying in complete misery. At least he had a happy thought to be his
last. He liked that notion. Saying goodbye with a happy face. Someone loved
him.
 
Suddenly the smell was there. That smell meant freedom and life. Todd's eyes
flew open and with a mocking grin he looked at Bane.
 
“So long suckers...”
 
Todd felt strong arms closing around his chest from behind and just had time to
see Bane's face contorted with anger before there was pressure and he was gone.
***** Chapter 8 *****
The pain was all consuming. Everything hurt. He couldn't move and he was
blinded by something sticky in his eyes. Like it was coming from very far away,
he heard Kurt's voice.
 
“Oh Lieber Gott! Todd! Nein!”
 
There was pressure again and the pain intensified. Pressure again. And again.
Every time the pain took a step up and when the pressure finally stopped coming
and he felt himself being laid down on something cold, he allowed himself to
pass out. He was safe. Someone loved him.
 
He woke up to the strangest feeling. There was no way to describe it. There was
still pain, but it was much less. And he finally felt like the fever was gone.
His eyes were still covered by the sticky substance and he kept them closed. He
slowly became aware that there were two very warm hands on his bare chest and
they were the cause of the strange feeling.
 
“Is it all out?”
 
The worried voice was Kurt's and Todd smiled when he heard it. Someone cared.
 
“I can't say for sure, but I've done what I can. I think he can recover on his
own from here.”
 
The exhausted female voice was slightly familiar, but Todd couldn't place it.
 
“Thank you very much Sascha. Go get some rest, I vill take care of him. Could
you tell Scott vhat's happened?”
 
“Sure. I hope he's gonna be okay.”
 
Footsteps sounded and then there was quiet. Todd felt Kurt's gentle fingers
feeling his gashes and slowly cleaning and bandaging him. It was painful and
Todd couldn't help but groan when Kurt lifted his arm to look at the long crack
in his armpit.
 
“Todd? Todd, are you avake?”
 
Being blind was freaking him out a little, and the first thing he managed to
say was:
 
“My eyes... can't see.”
 
Kurt's soft hands touched his face and something moist rubbed his eyelids.
 
“It's okay. It's just blood. I'll get it off.”
 
When the blood was off, he opened his eyes, and after blinking for a while, the
room came slowly into focus. He was in some sort of hospital room on a padded
table. Kurt's worried face entered his view and he smiled weakly.
 
“Heya Fuzzy.”
 
“How do you feel?”
 
Todd considered for a moment before answering.
 
“Like I've been run over by a poisonous truck. But I'll live.”
 
Kurt heaved a relieved sigh.
 
“Gott sei Dank. I vas afraid I killed you by teleporting you here.”
 
Todd looked Kurt in the eye and tried to convey everything he wanted to say
into very few words.
 
“Thanks... Kurt. Thank you for savin' me.”
 
Kurt blinked violently and quickly turned away, returning to looking at the
cuts. Todd closed his eyes and simply lay there. Enjoying for once in his life
letting someone else take over and care for him. Kurt was talking and Todd let
him.
 
“You've lost a lot of blood, so I'll give you a drip to replace some fluids.
Besides I don't know how long you've been vithout vater. It took me two days to
track you down.”
 
Wow. He had been out cold for two days? No wonder he was so thirsty.
 
“Vhat in the vorld has happened to your skin? Vas it the poison?”
 
“Guess so. The guy did say it has a weird effect on mutants.”
 
Kurt very gently examined and patched up the rest of the cuts. Todd felt much
better and finally realized that the poison must be gone.
 
“Hey, how did you get rid of it?”
 
Kurt smiled as he put in the drip needle.
 
“Sascha, the girl you saw with Kitty the first day... she's a healer. She
removed all the poison, but then she had to rest. Vhen she heals, she uses her
own energy, so she is probably sleeping now to regain strength. Vith a little
luck she can help your cuts heal tomorrow. I'm so glad she vas here. She saved
your life.”
 
Todd sent Kurt a crooked smile and huffed gently.
 
“Boy, that's gotta be a pain in the ass for Summers. Bet he hoped I'd kick the
bucket.”
 
Kurt looked rather sour at those words and Todd was suddenly reminded of their
argument about him.
 
“Vell he thought you'd joined Magneto. He vouldn't even let me look for you.
Said it vas a vaste of time.”
 
Todd felt a lump in his throat. Kurt had once again ignored Scott and the X-
men. All for him. For The Toad. It was hard for Todd to contain all this. It
was a whole new range of feelings to relate to and he felt his head spinning
from it. He still had trouble believing it was real, but he would damn well
take as much pleasure from this as he possible could. He wasn't gonna turn down
affection when it was thrown at him. But how on earth to proceed?
 
If it was just a quick fuck, he would've known what to do. But if it was going
to be a relationship, he felt he was in way over his head. He'd never actually
had one. His sexual experiences had been governed by either the need for money
and food, or his occasional brain-numbing drinking binges. And if someone had
ever really kissed him, it would have been in a state where he would more than
likely never remember it.
 
Sexuality had never been a question for Todd. According to him, sex was a basic
physical need, like eating or breathing. Saying you were gay was something like
saying you were a vegetarian or that you just didn't like fish. And Todd was
the same about both sex and food. He'd take anything. It was all good. And
despite what he usually let on about those things, he was actually quite the
romantic idealist. As a teenager he had thrown himself at the feet of anyone
who gave him the smallest bit of attention. After many crushed hearts he became
more cautious, but he always laid his whole heart in the hands of those he
thought deserved it.
 
And Kurt... he definitely deserved it. But as far as Todd could see, they were
still on opposite sides of the balance. So how did you give your heart to
someone, without having it crushed when you left? Because Todd was leaving. At
the end of the week, he was going into hiding. Like he said he would. And Kurt
would never leave the X-men again. As much as he disobeyed them, Todd knew Kurt
would stay with them when he left. Todd wasn't worth it.
 
He winced at the painful thoughts and Kurt noticed.
 
“Are you in pain?”
 
Todd was just about to deny, when it occurred to him that he actually was. All
his cuts still burned and his skin felt tight and tender when he tried to move.
 
“Yeah. Not too bad, but yeah.”
 
Kurt looked worried and fiddled with the drip.
 
“Vould you like something for the pain? It vill help you sleep as vell.”
 
All things considered, Todd welcomed the offer. So after a quick drink of water
through a straw, Kurt gave him a shot through the drip and within seconds he
felt himself drift off to sleep.
***** Chapter 9 *****
When Todd woke up, he felt much better. Sitting up gingerly, he found that his
cuts had healed. So the Sascha girl had been there while he slept and fixed it.
Very nice. He carefully slipped off the table and felt his legs wobble. Oh
well. You couldn't have it all. The room was empty, but Todd suddenly noticed
something on the small table next to him that made him stare.
 
In a small vase there was a few wild flowers. Flowers? Nobody had ever given
Todd flowers. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Checking again that he
was alone, he bent closer and smelled them. Nice. No wonder girls liked it. And
gay guys. Well, it was only a matter of time anyway before Fuzzy made a move.
And if he did have to start somewhere, Todd supposed it could be worse than a
few flowers.
 
He carefully tested his skin and rolled his shoulders, stretching and bending
gently to regain his flexibility. He felt dead tired and slightly hung over,
but otherwise he found he was in great condition. Very handy having a healer
around. He jumped when he suddenly heard a voice behind him.
 
“Good morning. How do you feel?”
 
Todd clutched his chest and laughed.
 
“Jeez Fuzzy, don't sneak up on me like that!”
 
Kurt walked over to him and helped him remove the drip still in his arm.
 
“Sorry. Are you feeling better?”
 
Todd nodded, feeling suddenly awkward that Kurt was so close.
 
“Uh yeah. Much better thanks. I gotta remember to thank that Sascha girl next
time I see her.”
 
Nodding at the flowers he grinned at Kurt.
 
“Flowers huh? Just felt the need to point out how gay you are?”
 
Kurt blushed and fiddled with the wad of cotton he was pressing against Todd's
arm.
 
“Jah sorry. I just vanted to give you something nice to vake up to. I vasn't
sure you vould like them, but you vere sick and...”
 
Todd cut him off and put his hand on the furry arm close to his own.
 
“It's okay Fuzzy. Really. I like 'em.”
 
Kurt's face lit up like a Christmas display and he smiled relieved at Todd.
They were very close together and Todd was beginning to feel slightly
uncomfortable. Baby steps here. Baby steps. Kurt caught on after a few moments
and moved away still smiling.
 
“Uhm... what time is it? Naw scratch that... what day is it?”
 
“It's Friday and it's almost noon. The professor vould like to see you this
afternoon if you feel vell enough.”
 
Todd sighed and wondered of there was any peace at all to be had.
 
“Right okay. Lemme get somethin' to eat and freshen up a little.”
 
Kurt nodded and gave him an odd look.
 
“Jah a shover vould probably be a good idea. You look awful.”
 
Todd grinned.
 
“Oh please, don't sugar coat it, say it like it is!”
 
“Sorry, but you do look horrible. If you go vash up, I'll fix you some lunch.”
 
Todd agreed and Kurt did him the favor of teleporting him up to his room before
leaving him to it. When he looked in his mirror he understood what Fuzzy meant.
He had dried up blood all over his body. Red crusty lines all over his body
showed were the skin had cracked and split, and he was still dry and flaky from
the poison.
 
He took his time in the shower and allowed himself to just stand under the
stream and soak. As long as he didn't pay for the water and heat himself, he
might as well enjoy it a little. Looking himself over in the mirror, he felt a
rare surge of vanity and frowned at the added fresh scars all over his face.
His lips were still slightly swollen from all the splitting and he looked
bruised in several places. His long hair was a mess and he took the time to
brush it, instead of just pulling it back in the ponytail as usual, smoking a
badly needed cigarette at the same time.
 
Still damp, the hair hang limply around his face and shoulders, and he thought
he looked pathetic. His skin color was always more clearly green when he was
wet and he thought it made him look sick. His yellow eyes and tired folds under
them didn't improve the look any. He stuck out his green tongue at his
reflection, and went back to his room to find Kurt waiting there. He was
standing at the window, looking out on the rainy grounds with a sombre look on
his face. He smiled however when Todd came in.
 
“I hope you like meat pies and salad.”
 
Todd's stomach rumbled in reply, making Kurt giggle.
 
“Hey, I'll eat anythin'.”
 
Kurt looked at him with wonder for a minute.
 
“No offence, but I seem to remember you used to eat flies. You don't do that
anymore.”
 
Todd sighed and shrugged.
 
“Still do sometimes. Easier to control the urge when I ain't starvin' to death.
Even bugs are food when you haven't eaten in days.”
 
Again that look of pity. God how he hated pity. He quickly changed the subject,
pulling a sweater over his head.
 
“Well, let's not keep ol' Baldie waitin'. Let's eat!”
 
They ate quickly and Kurt made no effort to hide his joy at stuffing Todd with
as much food as possible. Todd would have thought it funny if the situation
wasn't so complicated. Oh well. He would figure something out. Right now he
needed to focus again on what Xavier wanted. Todd had a creeping suspicion what
the meeting would be about and he was prepared for the worst.
***** Chapter 10 *****
Just as he had expected, Xavier again asked to read his mind. Scott was absent
for some reason and Todd felt if he was ever going to do it, this would be a
good time. He resigned himself to it and laid down on the couch in Xavier's
office, feeling he was baring his throat to a hungry lion. Kurt sat right next
to him and looked on with worry. Todd couldn't decide whether he wanted Kurt to
be there or not. It was comforting, but his thoughts about him made Todd even
more nervous to have his mind read. Even though he knew Xavier probably
wouldn't say anything about it, it was still personal and something he would
prefer to keep to himself for now.
 
The hands were on either side of his head. Xavier asked him to relax. And then
there was invasion. Todd had no other word for it. He felt slightly violated
and it was really hard letting someone in that way. His thoughts whirled around
too fast for him to really see any of them, but as it was beyond his own
control, he assumed Xavier made sense of it somehow.
 
Memories zipped past him with nauseating speed, revealing glimpses here and
there. His father's stinking fists, shattering his nose. His mother's drunken
laugh. Homeless old men, kicking him away when he tried to warm himself by
their fires. Hiding in a cardboard box half buried in snow. Shelter upon
shelter. Young Kurt Wagner kicking him in the face. The Brotherhood mutants,
fighting the X-men. Lance making parts of the ceiling fall down with anger.
Wanda slamming him through a wall without even looking at him. Freddy turning
his wide back to him, and closing the door for the last time.
 
Kitty and Rogue laughing at him. Pyro leering at him from his own window. The
cold streets he walked alone. That old, disgusting guy who was the first to pay
for a night with a starving, freaky kid. Heavy work boots breaking his ribs in
a dark alley. His boss wrinkling his nose at his smell. Bane and his creepy
offer. Kurt Wagner dangling from the ceiling. Raised voices behind a door. Bane
again, with needles closing in on his face.
 
He whirled around in a chaos of images until he finally came to a halt long
enough to recognize a place and a memory. Strangely enough, he was outside
himself, and was looking at the memory from a different angle. He saw himself,
fifteen years old and dying. Face down in a filthy gutter, his arm at a weird
angle, and his head bleeding profusely. Looking up at a nearby street lamp, he
just managed to see a fifteen year old and very bruised Kurt Wagner looking
down at him horrified, before disappearing in a flash. The memory was so vivid,
that even the smell of sulfur was detectable. Funny... he couldn't even
remember what the fight had been about. The vision blurred at the edges, and
since this memory had already gone farther than he originally remembered it, he
assumed his younger self was passing out. Just before the scene went black, he
noticed a figure suddenly crouched over him. Had he not lived with the person
for years, he probably wouldn't have recognized him from such a short glimpse.
But there was no doubt who that platinum blonde head belonged to. Pietro.
 
He whirled again, and saw himself on the doorstep of the Brotherhood House,
heavily bandaged, being stared down by Freddy. The memory was very crisp and
clear, and he had no trouble hearing the words being uttered behind the door,
as it was shut in his face. Traitor...
 
Before he had a chance to absorb any of it, he whirled again. Suddenly a very
strong arm grabbed him around the throat from behind. It felt very real and
Todd was scared out of his wits. A deep rasping voice growled in his ear while
cutting off his air supply:
 
“Time to forget, little toad...”
 
Everything went dark and then he was suddenly staring at the ceiling of
Xavier's office. The hands on either side of his head withdrew and Todd
promptly rolled off the couch and vomited on the floor.
 
“Todd! Are you okay?”
 
Kurt's hands were on his back, gently rubbing and stroking, while Todd emptied
his stomach on the expensive carpet.
 
“Professor couldn't ve have vaited vith this until tomorrow? He is obviously
not recovered yet!”
 
Xavier's voice was concerned but serious.
 
“I'm sorry Todd, but we are running out of time. I had to know now if you knew
anything we could use.”
 
Coughing and spluttering Todd sat back on his toes and wiped his mouth with the
tissue Kurt handed him.
 
“So... was it worth it?”
 
Xavier let his fingertips meet in his typical thoughtful manner.
 
“I'd say so yes. Your memories has confirmed a suspicion of mine. Thank you for
your help Todd.”
 
Todd nodded and breathed deeply for a few minutes, before looking at Xavier
again.
 
“I've done my part. Now you do yours.”
 
Xavier smiled and nodded.
 
“I will admit that I still had hopes that you would stay with us, but I honor
my promises. I have arranged for a safe house for you, along with a few other
mutants. Jean has agreed to take you there secretly in the jet when she gets
back in two days. In the meantime you are welcome to stay in the mansion and
relax. I'm sure Kurt will gladly keep you company.”
 
Todd felt his breath hitch in his throat. How much had Xavier seen in his head?
Was he implying something? Xavier looked completely calm however, which was
more than could be said for Kurt. A sideways glance revealed to Todd that he
too was watching Xavier intently, but the Professor didn't look at him, so Todd
wasn't sure he noticed.
 
After assuring them that he would have the mess taken care of and thanking Todd
again for his help, Todd and Kurt left the office, slowly making their way
through the mansion. Passing the windows, Todd could see it was getting dark.
How long had he been in the office? It felt like seconds, but obviously it had
been a lot longer. Kurt walked next to him with his hands in his pockets,
looking thoroughly dispirited.
 
“So... you'll be leaving on Sunday then?”
 
Todd bit his lip and looked out into the rainy dusk, to avoid looking at Kurt.
 
“Yep. That's the plan.”
 
He could feel Kurt's eyes on the back of his neck but refused to look. He
didn't know what to do with all these feelings already and looking at Kurt
would make it worse.
 
“There's no vay ve can convince you to stay?”
 
Kurt's voice was small and defeated and Todd felt guilty for no real reason. He
hadn't promised anything. In fact, he thought he had made it very clear that he
wasn't staying. It couldn't come as a surprise to them, really.
 
“Nope. Not that I can see, Fuzzy.”
 
Boy, how he needed a cigarette. He made his way towards the front doors and
heard Kurt following him a few steps behind. The rain fell heavily outside,
giving everything blurred edges in the growing darkness. Still tasting the
remains of his returned lunch he stuck out his long tongue to catch some rain.
It was no good, but then he spotted some kind of plant with large furled
leaves. The rain pooled in several places and he rinsed his mouth with the
fresh water from the shallow bowls of the leaves.
 
Kurt stood in the doorway simply watching him. Todd lit a cigarette and didn't
bother to move out of the rain. He just stood there enjoying the freshness of
the water and the nicotine from his damp tobacco. It would have been nice, if
the air between the two of them hadn't suddenly turned thick as glue. The
emotions stuck between them were so heavy and serious that you could cut
through them with a knife.
 
Todd tried to ignore it, but he was so inexperienced at it, that he shuffled
his feet nervously, waiting for something to break the tension. Anything. But
nothing happened. Kurt just stood there looking at him so intensely that Todd
finally couldn't take it anymore.
 
“What, Fuzzy? What!? You expected me to stay? Why? Nothin' for me here but bad
memories and a cause that ain't mine.”
 
To Todd's surprise, Kurt smiled weakly and crossed his arms over his chest.
 
“I know. But I'm a fool. A fool who hoped to the last that you vould change
your mind.”
 
Todd's mouth opened and closed in the rain, while trying to think of some sort
of reply to that. Eventually his wonder broke through and he gasped out:
 
“Why? What the Hell do I have to offer? A twisted loser with no money, low IQ
and a bad attitude?!”
 
He had expected pity again, but Kurt simply looked slightly surprised.
 
“Is that really how you see yourself? Or is it vhat the vorld has made you
think? Being different never meant being stupid, strange or a loser. Life is
vhat you make of it.”
 
Suddenly Todd felt angry. Was Kurt talking down to him? How dared he?!
 
“Aw gimme a break, Fuzzy! Do you really think freaks like us can make a
difference in this fucked up world?”
 
“I like to think so, yes. But then again, I have alvays been a naïve, romantic
idiot.”
 
Todd deflated at the quiet words. So that was what hung between them. Faith and
lack of same. Even if Fuzzy did love him, they could never be anything
permanent. The gulf between them was simply too big. Even love could never
bridge a gap that wide.
 
But he had two days yet. Perhaps he could have just a small taste of what
couldn't be in that time. No need for trust that could be broken if they knew
what the game was. Two days and two people, nothing more. Even though a small
voice in the back of his head told him it was a very bad idea, Todd decided he
would take whatever Kurt could give in the short time he was still here. Then
he would leave and hopefully he would still have his heart relatively intact.
If it was just a fling, he could deal with it.
 
Feeling determined, he flicked away his cigarette and returned Kurt's intense
look. At first they just stared at each other through the curtain of rain, but
as Todd refused to look away Kurt slowly furrowed his brow in wonder. Todd
moved closer, coming out of the rain as he stepped under the arch of the
doorway. Dripping wet he just stood opposite Kurt, unable to make the first
move, but making it clear that he was willing.
 
Kurt looked up at him, still with his arms crossed and brow furrowed. Todd had
grown a few inches taller than Kurt in the years passed and the golden eyes
looked up to his with wonder. They stood like that for several minutes. Close,
but not touching, each looking for some kind of answers in the eyes of the
other. The only sound was that of the heavy rain falling and nothing moved as
they silently tried to say all that they felt they couldn't.
 
Kurt swallowed and let his arms fall to his sides. Letting his gaze drop to the
ground, he reached out his hand towards Todd. Stopping before touching him, he
waited. The hand was not reached out as it would be for a handshake. It was
reached out as if it was waiting for another hand to close around it. Todd
couldn't make the first move, but he could accept an open invitation. Slowly
and carefully he wrapped his webbed fingers around the furry, blue hand between
them.
 
Kurt's eyes fell closed as he felt it and he sighed deeply. Todd felt the hand
in his own shaking slightly and he squeezed it warmly to calm it. Kurt's golden
eyes opened again and their glow seemed to burn right through Todd, warming him
to the core. All the love shining into him made him feel completely unworthy,
but also woke the hunger always lingering in him. His never satisfied longing
for love and affection. That longing he only ever admitted to himself in his
darkest moments. But here it was. Impossible to contain in the face of such
splendor.
 
He felt his heart pound as Kurt moved in slowly, stepping that last step closer
until they were so close they could feel each other breathing. As his own
breathing all but stopped he could feel Kurt's gaining pace and in a heart
stopping moment they were simply holding it there. Last chance to turn back.
Then the sweetest butterfly light kiss was placed on his lips and he felt
himself to his own surprise shivering. He never knew anything could feel like
that. Soft, warm lips on his own. Not moving, simply touching and connecting.
 
A soft hand made it's way to his shoulder and slid behind his neck, rested
there, and pressed his lips just a little tighter against Kurt's. After what
felt like an eternity, Kurt deepened the kiss ever so slightly and Todd felt
like he was burning by the time their tongues met. His stomach fluttered and
bubbled and he forgot all his thoughts of the moment before, as he felt the
kiss deepen with no hint of disgust from his partner. Now there was nothing
else in the world than those soft lips and warm hands. He thought he would
burst if he didn't do something, so he wrapped his free arm around Kurt's waist
and pulled him as close as possible, reveling in the feeling of their bodies
touching.
 
Suddenly he was so needy and desperate for more that he deepened the kiss
roughly, and pressed himself tightly against Kurt. He furiously kissed that
inviting mouth, until it suddenly pulled away, leaving him gasping and feeling
empty.
 
“Slow down, Todd. There's no rush.”
 
At that moment Todd had to disagree.
 
“But... I want...I need...”
 
Kurt smiled lovingly and stroked his hair gently.
 
“I know. Me too. But I vant to enjoy it for as long as possible.”
 
Todd burned with his rapidly building desire and he wanted nothing else but to
satisfy that desire right here and now.
 
“But... can't we just...”
 
Kurt's eyes suddenly flashed with determination and he looked sternly at Todd.
 
“No. Ve can't 'just'. If ve do this, ve do it right.”
 
Cooling down just enough to regain some of his senses, Todd nodded and breathed
deeply a few times to get control of himself. Kurt kissed him gently again and
after a second of hot air pressing in on him from all sides, Todd found that
they were in Kurt's room.
***** Chapter 11 *****
Suddenly Todd was nervous. He had never been with anyone who actually mattered.
Nobody he cared about screwing up with. But he really liked Kurt and felt
almost sick at the thought of hurting him. He cleared his throat and looked at
his toes to conceal his unease. Noticing the puddle of water forming at his
feet, Kurt fetched a towel and gently started drying off his face and slowly
helped him undress.
 
Not knowing how to react, Todd simply stood still and found himself shivering,
more from the pleasure of Kurt's touches than his cold, wet clothes. Nobody had
ever done things like this for Todd. Nobody had ever cared for him like Kurt
did, nobody had ever stopped every now and then, just to kiss him or stroke his
cheek. It was an unreal experience for Todd and he was completely at a loss to
figure out how to proceed.
 
His few previous, casual encounters were no help as they had been drunk, needy
and straight to the point. The only skill Todd ever believed he had in that
respect was to get himself and his partner off as fast as possible, and he knew
very well that this night other skills would be needed. Skills he didn't have.
 
“So....uhm... Kurt.... how many times have you done this?”
 
He was slightly embarrassed at the way his voice quivered and Kurt's name
sounded strange in his mouth. Kurt didn't seem to notice though.
 
“Vell... never actually... not vith a man anyvay.”
 
Todd froze with surprise and also with pleasure as Kurt chose that moment to
lean in and gently suck on his neck. That felt good.... too good. The fur on
Kurt's face didn't feel like a beard at all like Todd had thought. It felt like
being stroked with silk or tickled with downy feathers. Shivering, he lost his
trail of thought for a second.
 
“O...kay... so how do we do this?”
 
Oh Hell, that sounded stupid. Kurt let out a muffled giggle against his neck
and even that felt wonderful. But he still felt he needed to save face somehow,
so he tried some bravado.
 
“What'll it be, Fuzzy? Top or bottom?”
 
Kurt let go of his neck and looked at him strangely.
 
“Does it matter?”
 
Todd felt still more stupid and suddenly also very exposed as he realized he
was now only wearing boxers and Kurt was still fully clothed. Swallowing hard
he tried his best to look like he wasn't as nervous as he felt.
 
“Guess not. We'll have to play it by ear then.”
 
To his surprise, Kurt blushed. So much so in fact that it was clearly visible
as darker blue areas under his fur, even in the dim lighting of the dark room.
Todd frowned and it took him a few seconds to figure out why. Noticing Kurt
glancing down he caught on. Despite his unease and nervousness, Todd had a
raging hard-on, very obvious through his thin, damp boxers and it was here Kurt
kept looking. Todd felt himself blush too and suddenly longed for something to
shift the focus, because he didn't know how.
 
Thankfully Kurt took the first step again, by slowly beginning to undo the
uniform he always wore. Kurt took his time in peeling off the fabric, and
avoided Todd's eyes. Todd was shocked at his own reaction. His breath hitched
as more and more of Kurt was revealed, and he gasped when he finally exhaled.
His eyes were glued to the slender form in front of him and he felt fit to
burst with lust when Kurt was down to his underwear at last. The three-fingered
hands shook and it finally came home to Todd that Kurt must be just as nervous
as he was.
 
For a few long moments they simply stood opposite each other, unsure of how to
proceed. Kurt seemed afraid to look at Todd, who on his part had trouble
keeping his eyes off Kurt. As nervous as he was he couldn't help but be
intrigued by the strangeness in front of him, that was somehow so beautiful at
the same time. The fur was tussled by the removal of the clothes, but still the
sheen of it was obvious, even in the dim light. Without really thinking about
it, Todd reached out to touch it.
 
Kurt flinched at the first touch but he didn't move away, and Todd, who had
hardly even noticed the flinch, very carefully stroked the fur from the middle
of the chest to the navel with the hairs, and then up again against them. A
whimpering sound escaped Kurt and he shivered violently as the hand reached his
chest again. Todd looked up to make sure Kurt was all right and was reassured
by the closed eyes and shallow breathing. He was fascinated by the texture and
felt goosebumps erupt all over his skin from the softness and unique feeling of
the blue hairs against his smooth hand.
 
The fur was longer on the chest, and Todd grabbed a fistful and tugged it
gently, testing the feel of it. Kurt moaned and his golden eyes flew open. Todd
met his gaze and was slightly shocked to find Kurt's eyes burning with a lust
easily matching his own. With a choked sound Kurt gave in and flung himself at
Todd, who stumbled from the force of it, but returned the attentions eagerly.
Kissing fiercely and rubbing against each other, they both forgot all
insecurities and doubts. Kurt's claw-like nails drew delicious red trails all
over Todd's back and he moaned as the sharp canines of his demonic lover
scratched his neck and shoulder. His own webbed hands wove through the fur and
hair, and pulled the most exquisite sounds from Kurt.
 
Hearing that his ministrations were so well received Todd felt much more
confident and let himself tug, rub and nibble every bit of Kurt he could reach.
Licking over the pointed ears made Kurt whimper loudly and Todd made a mental
note of getting back to those later. Meanwhile Kurt was fumbling with that last
piece of frustrating clothing on Todd and it took their joint efforts before
they were both gloriously naked.
 
The short separation of their bodies to remove the clothes was pure agony and
with cries of intense pleasure they met again, desperately grinding their
bodies together and closing even the smallest gap between them in their close
embrace.
 
Todd felt almost high from the assault on his senses. Being sober and fully
alert was certainly an advantage and he was bombarded with the most delicious
sensations everywhere. Not just in his needy groin, but every spot their bodies
touched burned with pleasure. Oh boy. Todd never knew anyone could feel so soft
and yet so hard at the same time. The fur felt electric against him and the
hard muscles under the skin flexed and coiled with every frantic movement.
 
He couldn't get enough of the kisses. Even though he broke off now and then to
nibble Kurt's jaw or lick his ear, he always quickly went back to those soft
lips. When he finally found someone who wasn't grossed out about his tongue or
the slime, he was certainly not going to let the opportunity pass him by. And
it was bliss. Completely without comparison to anything he had ever felt
before. Even the very intimate touch of their erections was nothing to Todd,
compared to the playful wrestling of their eager lips and tongues.
 
Kurt didn't seem to hold back at all anymore and explored every inch of Todd's
mouth. He sucked on the extendible tongue and seemed fascinated at how flexible
it was, even in its drawn in state. Todd had always been embarrassed about his
tongue, and for a moment felt very insecure at Kurt's persistent exploration of
it. But it felt so good... And then, hardly aware of what he was doing, he
slowly extended his tongue into that soft mouth on his own and let it roam.
Kurt froze but didn't move away. He simply stood stock still in their close
embrace, while Todd was in his own little world of tasting and touching.
 
He accidentally bumped Kurt's uvula, making him gag and suddenly he realized
what he was doing. He pulled back and broke the kiss, stammering his excuses.
 
“Aw shit I'm sorry, Fuzzy, I didn't mean to do that, I'm really sorry...”
 
Soft blue lips broke off his rambling and it took only seconds for Todd to get
the message and realize that he'd done nothing at all wrong.
 
Feeling how his need bubbled and intensified, Todd couldn't wait any longer and
moved them both towards the bed behind Kurt. Catching on, Kurt let himself fall
backwards and moaned as Todd laid himself on top and pressed him down on the
mattress. Todd's urgent desires made him rub himself tightly against Kurt's
deliciously furred thighs, slipping between and nudging that little pleasurable
knot nestled there. Kurt hissed and his previously closed eyes flew open again,
uncertainty suddenly revealed in his glazed, but glowing eyes.
 
Todd stopped moving, afraid he had caused pain, and searched Kurt's face for
signs of discomfort. He found none. Only the sudden hesitation from Kurt made
Todd pause and wonder if he'd done something wrong somehow. After swallowing
forcefully a few times, Kurt finally spoke in a breathy voice.
 
“Have... have you ever done this before?”
 
Todd frowned. He wasn't sure the answer was what Kurt wanted to hear. But he
still tried to be honest, without being too blunt.
 
“Uhm.. yeah... a few times.”
 
Seeing Kurt's face change at top speed to one of surprise, Todd couldn't help
grinning.
 
“Why? You wanna be on top?”
 
Kurt licked his lips and looked flustered.
 
“No, I mean... uhm... it's just...”
 
“Your first time... right...”
 
The passion dwindled in the sudden awkwardness of the situation and for a few
minutes they simply lay together, gently stroking and kissing. Todd wracked his
brain trying to figure out how to make this work. He'd never considered himself
much of a lover, and suddenly faced with a virgin – or as good as one - he felt
very unsure. He was usually the one being taken and this new role of being the
experienced one was rather unsettling. If only Kurt could be the giver. Then
Todd would know his role. And then suddenly it struck him. Why not? Who's to
say they couldn't turn things around? There were no rules for this after all.
 
His own first time had been.... well it was certainly nothing he would want to
repeat. Ever. Nobody deserved that. The vague memory of his first time brought
something else to mind. He'd never cared one bit about protection. Never saw
the point when he was living day by day anyway. But Kurt... he really didn't
want to pass something ugly on to him. He felt himself blush hotly. He was
never one much for bed talk. How the hell did you ask for something like that?
Unwilling to face his partner for the question he had to ask, he settled for
talking into the shoulder he was busy nuzzling.
 
“Uhm... Fuz... uh... Kurt?”
 
“Mmm hmm?”
 
Keeping his face buried at Kurt's neck, he blushed hotly while trying to phrase
it.
 
“Got some... I mean... any...”
 
Shit. He was never this tongue tied. Why was he so nervous? Kurt only vaguely
responded, obviously sufficiently distracted to not really catch the question.
 
“Hmm?”
 
Damn it.
 
“Shit... any... protection?”
 
He mouthed the word clearly to avoid saying it again at all costs. Kurt was
absorbed in the caresses to his neck and shoulder and it took a while for him
to respond, making Todd's stomach twist with worry that he had to repeat the
question.
 
“Jah... I have some... but I don't care...”
 
This made Todd stop what he was doing and pull away, so he could look Kurt in
the eye. He had to get this across somehow. Fighting his blush and his urge to
look away, he locked his eyes with Kurt's.
 
“You should care. I ain't kiddin'.”
 
Kurt frowned, but apparently understood that this was important to Todd.
 
“All right. Under the bed.”
 
Diving under and fishing out a few 'essentials', Todd got back to business at
top speed. Determined to cut the chatter and get somewhere as soon as possible,
he assaulted Kurt by kiss and touch, and the response was very positive. With
one last thought to the plan of going slow, he dove down and showed Kurt a few
other things he could do with his tongue.
 
Finally he was in his element. Finally something he was good at. Kurt mewled
like a cat at the intense sensations produced by that impossibly long tongue
and it was only a matter of a few minutes before he forced Todd off, to avoid
ending it all very fast. Through his glazed eyes he saw Todd reaching out for
the rubber and lube, and clearly prepared himself to be taken.
 
He looked deeply surprised however, when Todd put the rubber on Kurt instead,
and straddled him before he could utter any protest. With an ease that only
comes with practise, Todd quickly applied some lube and slid down over Kurt
steadily. Whatever objections Kurt had wanted to present were immediately
banished from his mind in the haze of pleasure suddenly crashing down on him.
He threw his head back and moaned out his defeat. Todd only grunted once at the
slight pain, and then began a merciless ride, bringing them both to dizzying
heights of pleasure in no time.
 
Loving the sounds coming from Kurt, Todd pushed himself to the limit and tried
to hold on longer. Kurt however was too close to the edge and frantically
pulled Todd down for a kiss, while his tail wound tightly around Todd's
neglected arousal. The combination of those wonderful kisses and the maddening
delight of pressure to his more sensitive place sent Todd suddenly tumbling
over the edge, climaxing violently, moaning into that soft mouth on his. Kurt
was right behind him on the edge and followed him over with a mewling whimper
that only fuelled the pleasure of the climax.
 
Rocking and whimpering they clung to each other, riding the wave until it
eventually died out.
***** Chapter 12 *****
Todd was dreaming. He was back in the alley. Dying. This time he was seeing
things through his own eyes, and not from the sidelines. He felt his warm blood
pooling around his face, resting on the filthy tarmac. Why was he here? He
couldn't remember why he was here. What had he come here to do? There was
something. It was nagging at the back of his brain. What was it? It was
something important...
 
He heard the horrified gasp when Kurt saw the damage done and he smelled the
sulfur as the elf disappeared. What a bummer way to go. Face down next to an
overstuffed dumpster in a filthy alley. And to be bested by the fluffy nerd of
nerds. What had Fuzzy done to him? One minute they were locked in combat,
wrestling equally, and then suddenly his skull had cracked open and Kurt had
kicked him in the chest. Wait... didn't it happen the other way around? No...
no the kick definitely came after.
 
His arm had snapped as he flew limply into the edge of the dumpster and he fell
heavily to the ground. He couldn't seem to move at all. Time seemed to be
moving very slowly. The darkness crept in on him. A small gust of wind and a
cold hand on his arm. Pietro. Darkness.
 
Todd sat up in bed with a strangled gasp, heaving for air. His lungs felt empty
and it took a second for him to realize that it was ten years later and he
wasn't dying. A warm, soothing hand stroked his back and Kurt sat up next to
him.
 
“Bad dream?”
 
Unused to having a bed partner, Todd stiffened for a minute at the warm touch,
but eventually he relaxed and simply nodded into the darkness.
 
“What time is it?”
 
Yellow eyes scanned the clock next to the bed.
 
“Still too early. Go back to sleep.”
 
Kurt laid himself back down and opened his arms with his a crooked smile that
clearly showed his fangs in the darkness. Any other night Todd would probably
have given up on sleep, but the offer of a loving hug was too tempting. So he
allowed himself to push the dream away and lie down with his furry lover. Kurt
was very hot. Like he had been lying in the sun soaking up its warmth for
hours. Todd chilled easily and he couldn't suppress a heartfelt groan of
pleasure as he snuggled in close. Kurt smiled into his hair and soon his
breathing slowed to sleep mode again.
 
But however comfortable he was, sleep eluded Todd. The dream wouldn't go away
and the feeling that there was something important in it nagged him even more
when awake. Damn Xavier and his mind reading. It fucked up his brain.
 
Why had he been in that alley? Had he just been roaming and picking pockets as
usual? No, there was something important he came to do. But what the hell was
it?
 
Hours later Kurt stirred and in hope of avoiding questions about the dream,
Todd dove under the covers and woke up his bedmate in the best way he knew.
This was where he excelled after all. Kurt groaned and sighed as he woke up.
 
“Mein Gott... the next person who calls your tongue disgusting-”
 
“Won't get any o' this. Now shut up.”
 
“Jawohl... arh!”
 
Mere minutes later Todd was rewarded for his efforts and Kurt looked just about
ready to pass out as Todd crawled back up to kiss him.
 
“Mornin', Fuzz Butt.”
 
Kurt looked at him with eyes slightly out of focus and blinked forcefully.
 
“Great God in heaven...”
 
Todd nipped at his neck and chuckled.
 
“Heh... you can call me Todd...”
 
Kurt snorted with laughter and rolled them both around. Todd gladly let himself
be pinned down and ravished. He locked his hands behind his head and decided to
just lie back and enjoy whatever Fuzzy had in mind. Administering touches
similar to those Todd had bestowed on him earlier, they quickly reached the
same delightful end result. Todd decided that this was certainly the way to
start your day.
 
Their growling guts soon had them out of bed, even though the sun was only just
on its way up. The quiet mansion was beautiful as the early rays of light
caressed the dark wood panels and chandeliers, while they walked slowly close
together, elbows touching at every other step. Occasionally they would look at
each other and smile as their eyes met in silent understanding and
companionship. At the passage to the kitchen, they decided to head out to the
grounds and Todd went directly to the front doors for a smoke, while Kurt
fetched them something to eat.
 
Todd was just flicking away the last bud when Kurt appeared next to him in a
puff of sulfur, carrying a bag of assorted goodies. Todd surveyed the contents
and lifted a quizzical eyebrow at the sheer amount of food. Much more than even
he would call breakfast. Kurt sent Todd a shy, blushing smile and stepped in a
little closer.
 
“I thought ve could have a picnic later.”
 
Todd just couldn't resist that blushing and squirming, so he let the bag drop
to the ground and pulled his furry lover close.
 
“I'd love a picnic. But for the record, you're a damn romantic sap, Fuzzy.”
 
Again he blushed and Todd found it simply adorable. He couldn't help but wonder
to himself who exactly was the romantic sap now. Letting one hand slide to
Kurt's neck, he pulled him in for a deep kiss. Kurt sighed heavily against Todd
and for the longest time they simply stood there kissing and enjoying the
closeness. They only pulled apart when there was a heavy thud close by. Turning
their heads they found a very shocked looking Scott, who had evidently dropped
his large duffel bag at the sight of them, and was now glaring menacingly.
 
Todd was in no mood for Scott's insults. He would much rather kidnap his blue
elf into the woods and ravish him for the rest of the day.
 
“Want somethin', Summers?”
 
Scott sneered and Todd felt Kurt tense against him.
 
“No, but it would be nice if you could keep your face sucking private. I don't
particularly enjoy coming home to gay peep shows on my doorstep.”
 
Todd couldn't help but goad Scott. This opportunity was simply too good. He let
his hands slide down until they rested on Kurt's buttocks and gave them a
loving little squeeze.
 
“What's a matter, Summers? Redhead still ain't givin' you any yet?”
 
Kurt closed his eyes with an uncomfortable grimace and moved away from Todd's
embrace. Todd was a little hurt, but he was aware it was his own fault. Scott
on the other hand looked furious.
 
“I swear, if it wasn't for the absurd fact that Kurt likes you, I would-”
 
“What? Want some o' this? Too bad for you, I'm all spoken for.”
 
Scott gritted his teeth and balled his fists. Todd would've welcomed the
opportunity to kick some serious geek ass, if Kurt hadn't quietly interjected:
 
“Please, Todd. Don't...”
 
He was standing a few steps away, arms crossed, looking absolutely miserable.
The sight made Todd's insides churn and he suddenly felt physically ill at the
thought that he had hurt his lover. Summers was the ultimate bastard, and
pissing him off was definitely one of Todd's top ten hobbies. But seeing Kurt
so upset deflated the fun completely and Todd ended up feeling decidedly like
he was the bastard.
 
Ignoring Scott, Todd went to Kurt and cupped his face in his hands.
 
“I'm sorry, Fuzzy. I'm an ass. Forgive me?”
 
Raising his golden eyes to meet Todd's, Kurt slowly nodded and smiled. Pressing
a very gentle kiss to the soft blue lips, Todd only vaguely heard Scott's
annoyed huff and completely missed him stomping off towards the back door. Who
could care about a prick like Summers when he had a sunny autumn day, a sweet
lover and a picnic ahead of him?
 
Holding hands, Todd and Kurt sauntered leisurely across the morning misty
lawns, eventually settling down on a marble bench to eat some breakfast. They
didn't talk. They simply sat together in comfortable silence, watching the sun
slowly rise and illuminate the lush surroundings.
 
It was a day without comparison to anything Todd could ever remember. Quickly
forgetting the clash with Scott, he was thoroughly swept up in the pure joy of
having no particular plans, no physical needs desperately demanding attention,
and a loving companion by his side. The sun was warm without making the day
unbearably hot, a light breeze toyed with his unruly hair and made the shining
fur on his lover's face shift beautifully.
 
Was this what happiness felt like? Was this why people put themselves through
so much shit to find a partner and settle down somewhere? As much as he usually
would have sneered at someone expressing sentiments like these, he couldn't
seem to keep the thoughts at bay. He was simply too starved of pleasure to keep
up his usual shields. He found himself basking in the look of those golden eyes
constantly seeking him. Caught himself smiling stupidly every time he saw it.
 
The thought of his departure tomorrow seemed so far away and for the moment...
just for the day, he would allow himself to pretend he was happy. That his life
was good and that he was loved. That there was no war, no Magneto, no Bane. No
torture, no starvation, no violence. Just two people, comfort and fun. Sunlight
and laughter.
 
Taking off his jacket and shoes, Todd plucked at the grass with his bare,
webbed toes, taking his time to wonder at the fantastic difference between them
and those of his lover right next to him. Never covered with shoes, the two
blue toes were slightly rough and had less hair than most of the furred body.
His own greenish toes looked oddly glazed over. Like a smooth coat of varnish,
making the light reflect off them like they were wet. Most of his body looked
like that in places that were not much exposed to sunlight. His face and arms
were a more dull texture. The glazing only really showed when he was wet.
 
So absorbed was he in his musings that it took him completely by surprise when
Kurt suddenly grinned, pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and was gone in a
flash. Looking around, Todd finally spotted Kurt sitting on a branch in the
tree line of the small wood behind him. Reclining against the trunk of the
tree, Kurt stretched like a cat, slowly and sensually. Still grinning, he
licked his sharp, white canines while flicking his tail in an unmistakable
'come and get me' motion.
 
Todd was not one to be told twice, so he jumped directly from the bench to the
tree, landing on a branch right below his elf. However, when he reached up to
join his lover, there was another flash, and he was gone. Spotting him on a
branch further into the woods, Todd chuckled, feeling the contagious playful
mood of his companion seeping through him. Kurt made a good effort of tempting
Todd to chase him. Lying down on his stomach on the branch and arching his
back.
 
Todd laughed and let himself be caught up in the fun. Pretending he wasn't
interested, he made a good show of being very fascinated by something in the
tree above Kurt. Finally realizing that he didn't have Todd's attention, Kurt
looked up. At that second, Todd jumped and only his slightly miscalculated aim
gave Kurt enough time to teleport away just before he was touched. As soon as
Todd spotted the furry demon, the chase was on.
 
Faster and faster they hurled themselves through the trees, laughing manically
every time they got close. Jumping, running, swinging and propelling themselves
forward, it was a game perfectly suited to their natural agility and challenged
them both equally.
 
Much to Todd's irritation, though, he was at a clear disadvantage. He didn't
know the area like Kurt and had no regular training of any kind. But he did
know a few things about his own skills that Kurt probably didn't. Waiting for
the right moment, he jumped the instant the next flash appeared and propelled
himself upwards further into the tree. Appearing on a branch further away, Kurt
swivelled his head, trying to locate his pursuer. Finding him nowhere in sight,
his brow furrowed and his pointed ears twitched as he listened with all his
might.
 
Hearing a sudden noise close to him he teleported by instinct and looked back
to where he just was. Nothing there. This chase was really interesting now. Not
only a battle of speed and agility, but suddenly a game of wits as well.
Another sound right next to him made him flinch, but he repressed his urge to
teleport. Turning to the sound instead he saw nothing and a second too late he
heard a new noise behind him.
 
With a startled yelp, he turned his head just in time to see Todd hurtling at
him from above with a triumphant grin on his face. Crashing into Kurt with a
heavy thud, he made them both tumble off the branch in a tangle of limbs. Just
before they hit the ground, Kurt's reflexes triggered again and teleported them
both to a soft pile of leaves in a clearing nearby.
 
Laughing and wrestling they rolled around, not really fighting, not really
playing. Something in between that was somehow very satisfying. When they
eventually calmed down and simply lay beside each other with chests heaving,
they both felt calmer than they had in years. A sense of harmony that was
unusual to them both seemed to linger in the very air and made the whole thing
very peaceful.
 
Relaxed as they were, none of them noticed the slight rustle of leaves and the
shadow of someone approaching.
***** Chapter 13 *****
It all happened so fast. Kurt's ear twitched right next to Todd and he felt
himself be grabbed roughly and teleported to another location. They appeared
not very far away and Kurt didn't have time to teleport them again, before a
flying mass of what looked and felt like rock crashed into him and ripped his
hand off Todd's arm.

Todd felt something graze against his jeans and jumped into the nearest tree to
avoid whatever was chasing him. A handful of wood like needles pierced the tree
right next to his face and he jumped again as he spotted Bane on the ground
below, firing needles at him with a manic expression on his face.
 
“I believe we have a score to settle, Slimy! No point in running! You'll just
die tired!”
 
Todd of course had not the slightest intention of humoring Bane, but propelled
himself further upwards, keeping as much foliage as possible between them. Some
of the needles did still come through however, so Todd hurled himself from the
treetop through the cool air, hoping to out-range Bane. He landed with a very
heavy and clumsy crunch, about half way down another tree. Bane was still on
the ground, but obviously not able to keep up with Todd. No longer firing
needles, he was running along in the undergrowth at top speed. It wouldn't be
long before he was in range again, and Todd knew he had to get out of there
before the needles reached him. The look on Bane's face left him in no doubt
that murder was the objective here.
 
Looking around desperately for Kurt, he jumped to the next tree, just as Bane
was close enough to shoot more needles. Reaching the edge of the woods, he was
running out of trees and out of options. Bane was fast enough and apparently
had the stamina to keep up with Todd over quite a distance, so Todd kept
flinging himself through the smaller trees at the edge of the forest. Open
ground would certainly not be Todd's first choice of escape.
 
A strange noise reached his ears as he flung himself to another tree, close to
where they had sat down earlier to eat. Turning his head, he only just managed
to change course in mid-air, narrowly avoiding a large, grey mass hurtling
towards him. Todd's stomach churned with fear. Had the other mutant overpowered
Kurt somehow? Was he hurt?
 
His fears were groundless however, as became evident when the gargoyle-like
mutant crashed into the trunk of the tree with a nasty crunching sound, while
Todd clung to a branch much closer to the ground than the one he had been
aiming for. Glancing behind him, Todd realized that Bane was suddenly much too
close. Up... up... up! The rough bark scraped the skin off his fingers and toes
as he scrambled upwards to try and outdistance Bane again. He more sensed than
actually saw the needles whizzing right past him, and he desperately hoped that
Bane was either too angry or too winded to aim accurately.
 
Bane's sudden roar of frustration reached his ears and he couldn't help but
turn around to see what had made him so livid. Clutching the tree, Todd's eyes
widened in wonder as Kurt gave a magnificent display of some of his many
skills. Wow... he had come a long way from the gangly teenager, only just
learning what he could do.
 
Bane was whirling around frantically shooting needles in every direction, but
none of them hit the mark. Kurt was teleporting around him so fast he looked
half hidden in the small puffs of sulfur accumulating. Every now and then, Kurt
would appear behind Bane and kick or punch him. Not incapacitating him, but
definitely hurting him. After a particularly painful kick to his gut, Bane
seemed to decide the time was ripe for a hasty retreat.
 
Emitting an ear splitting whistle, he hurriedly rolled away from Kurt and broke
into a heavy run towards the wall around the mansion grounds. A grey blur was
suddenly speeding towards Kurt, arms reaching for him as he was distracted by
his close pursuit of Bane through the undergrowth. Todd saw it and yelled out a
warning, just as the flying mass caught up with Kurt.
 
“Fuzzy! Behind you!”
 
Kurt was distracted for just a second, but it was enough for the gargoyle to
zoom ahead of him, grab Bane around the middle and fly off with a speed that
was completely unreal for something that looked like it was made of stone. Todd
jumped from the tree and landed heavily next to Kurt in the soft bed of autumn
leaves on the forest floor. They both stood for the longest while, chests
heaving, simply watching the spot in the sky where that small speck that was
their attackers had vanished.
 
The happiness of the morning had evaporated just as fast as their attackers,
and they slowly made their way back to the marble bench, where the morning had
started out so comfortably. Todd put on his shoes while Kurt gathered up the
rest of the food. They didn't talk as they headed back to the mansion. It was
like the whole morning had been a soap bubble of bliss and it only took one of
Bane's tiny needles to pop it and jerk them both back to reality. Todd felt
like the happiness had never even been there. Like it was a nice daydream used
to make boring time pass faster. Like he had done all through school.
 
But just when he felt he could hardly get any more depressed, he suddenly felt
a warm, furry hand wrap around his own. Frankly he was shocked at the emotion
such a simple gesture could evoke in him. Such a small thing that meant so
much. So soothing and supportive. So loving and accepting. It was like a sliver
of the happiness came back with that hand and Todd soaked it up desperately. He
couldn't even look at Kurt from the intensity of it all, but he returned the
loving squeeze forcefully. Kurt made no comment but simply held on tight.
 
Their hands stayed joined all the way through the mansion and into Xavier's
office where they went first of all to relate the events to the Professor. He
was very surprised that he hadn't felt anything happen and was very glad to see
them both alive. Todd kept his mouth shut and simply held Kurt's hand tight
while he explained the situation and debated with Xavier about their defence
systems. The professor didn't comment on their holding hands, nor did he even
seem to notice.
 
However, when they rose to leave, Kurt locked eyes with Xavier for a long
moment and Todd got the distinct feeling that some kind of conversation was
going on. He didn't mind though. He just felt so tired suddenly. So drained.
But then again he had had a rough week. Maybe it would be good to get some
sleep before he left the following day. Kurt seemed happy enough to follow Todd
to his room and simply nodded when Todd said:
 
“I think I'll go lie down for a bit.”
 
He was out of his clothes and halfway under the covers before he realized that
Kurt was also undressing and he froze with surprise as his furry lover slipped
in beside him without further ado. He felt the warm body press up against his
back and a strong arm snake around his waist. It wasn't even remotely sexual.
Just pleasant. Relaxing. Comforting. And most of all it was completely alien to
Todd.
 
Somehow he had never thought further than sex with a potential partner. It was
like sex was the closest you could get, and then that was that. He never even
once considered that there might be things that felt even more close. More
intimate. Hell, they weren't even naked and yet he had never felt so vulnerable
in his entire life. Suddenly he was reminded of Mystique. So this is how she
did it... he had always assumed she used sex to gather information from people
with her shape-shifting, but for the first time it occurred to him that
closeness like this was probably a lot more powerful than simple lust.
 
Kurt didn't sleep, but simply held Todd as the afternoon passed by and finally
after what felt like hours, Todd drifted off to sleep, snuggled in closely with
his lover.
***** Chapter 14 *****
He was whirling, fast and nauseating through that thick fog again. That murky
mess of memories that Xavier had thrown him into when he had read his mind.
Here and there Todd caught glimpses of familiar faces. Places he had been.
Things he had seen. And then suddenly he was fifteen years old again, small and
skinny. Filthy, and out in the dark streets several hours after most parents
had sent their well cared for children to their beds.
 
The fog was thick in the dark alley, making the air chilly against his
amphibian skin. Todd shivered as he lurked behind a dumpster, keeping a furtive
eye on his quarry. The long, black coat whipped around a corner and Todd
counted to three slowly, before allowing himself to dart to the corner and peek
around it. Wanda was walking purposefully towards her destination, without even
turning her head. Todd grinned at his luck. Usually he would have been blasted
through a wall by now.
 
The smell of rust and mold intensified as she easily melted a hole in the
meshed fence of an area of storage buildings. The warehouses were clear
indicators of the wealth and importance of their owners. Some where extremely
high tech with cameras and alarms on every surface, while others were so
derelict they would probably collapse soon if they didn't see some serious
repairs. Wanda was walking steadily towards one that had chunks of roof missing
and looked empty.
 
As soon as she was through the door, Todd darted towards the warehouse, keeping
low and avoiding the door. He jumped to a tiny window high above the ground and
peeked through the grimy glass just in time to see Wanda step through a door to
a small room at the most intact part of the building. Todd managed to silently
wrench open the window and worm himself through. Only someone as thin as he was
could hope to fit through such a small gap, so for once he congratulated
himself on not having regular access to food.
 
The building was quiet and there was no light visible apart from the moon
filtering through the dirty windows and skylights. He carefully positioned
himself on the narrow ledge and jumped to a pipe in the ceiling closer to the
door Wanda went through. The pipe squeaked pitifully at the added weight, and
Todd froze in the hope of silencing the noise before he was discovered. He hung
limply from the ceiling, listening intently for any indication that he had been
busted. After a few minutes he assumed he was okay and very gently dropped to
the floor. The building seemed so derelict that he decided that he'd better
stick to ground level.
 
Dodging from a piece of roof in the middle of the room to an upturned table
closer to the door, he finally made it to the room at the end. Now that he was
close, he could see a tiny sliver of light under the door and as he crept
closer, he could just hear hushed conversation. Before he managed to overhear
anything, however, the door slammed open, smashing into Todd lurking behind it
and Wanda stalked by without a second glance. Rubbing his bleeding nose while
the door creaked shut until it was slightly ajar, he was about to follow her
again when a voice suddenly drifted through the crack in the door.
 
“Is it permanent now?”
 
The voice chilled Todd to the bone. Magneto! What was Wanda doing meeting her
father in the middle of the night? He did know that she had forgotten all about
her hatred for him, but it still seemed odd. Did Pietro know about this? Todd
doubted it.
 
“I can't honestly say. There is a problem.”
 
“Oh?”
 
There were sounds of soft footfalls and a crackling of metal stretching.
 
“I did my best! But her mind... her mind is fragile. And it's so tightly linked
to her powers that if I tamper more with her memories, she might lose control.
All control.”
 
Magneto's voice chilled if possible even more.
 
“So... she could die?”
 
“And more than likely take half the planet with her. She is incredibly
powerful.”
 
Todd felt like he was going to throw up. Wanda could die? That bastard was
still fucking around with her mind and now it was endangering her life! Todd
was about to sneak off and find Wanda when Magneto's next words stopped him
dead in his tracks.
 
“Then I might actually have use for her yet...”
 
The horror of the other man's voice was as evident as Todd's own, rushing
though his gut.
 
“You don't mean..?”
 
“Yes. If she cannot be controlled, then she can at least do her part in the
war.”
 
Again the sound of footsteps, this time coming towards the door. Todd flattened
himself against the wall as the weight of a hand made the doorknob wiggle from
the inside.
 
“I won't be a part of it. I refuse to take a life.”
 
Again the churning of metal bending to Magneto's will seeped through the door.
 
“You will, if you wish to live. I can find other telepats for the job. If you
refuse, you will not leave this room alive.”
 
The hand on the rusty doorknob lifted with a last wiggle and a defeated sigh
was clearly heard though the door still ajar.
 
“Very well. If I must.”
 
The chilling voice sounded disgustingly smug.
 
“Then we are agreed. When the time is right, you will give her the last push. I
will see it to it myself that she is placed where she can have the biggest...
impact.”
 
Todd felt like there was no air left in his lungs and he dug his nails so hard
into the concrete wall that they chipped and splintered, despite being bitten
down to painful shortness already. He couldn't believe it. Even his own abysmal
experience with parents hadn't quite killed his general trust in the bonds of
blood. That someone could simply smile and nod at the information that his
actions would kill his daughter, and then even use it to force his own issues
was unfathomable to Todd. That anyone – even Magneto – would be willing to send
his own child to her death just to win his stupid war... it was unreal.
 
And then it hit him. Nobody else knew this. Nobody. Not lance, not Pietro. Not
even Wanda herself. Only one person knew and was in any position to do
something about it. Todd. The Toad. The smallest, weakest, most cowardly little
rat of a mutant ever unfortunate enough to stumble into the Brotherhood house.
He couldn't do anything alone. He had never felt the truth of people's negative
opinions about him as clearly as that moment. He had never felt more powerless
in his whole life.
 
He had to tell someone. But who? Pietro was a definite no-no. As long as dear
old dad put him in charge, he wasn't gonna do anything for anybody. Wanda was
more or less coo-coo, so no good trying to tell her either. Freddy wouldn't
know what to do. He was if possible even more clueless than Todd. Lance maybe?
He had been relatively kind to Todd in the past, but when it came down to it,
would he go against Magneto just to save Pietro's bitchy sister? Somehow he
didn't think so.
 
Hearing no more conversation behind the door, he suddenly realized that there
was a good chance that he would be busted if the men exited the room. As fast
and silently as he could, he made it to the main door, which Wanda had luckily
left ajar. He slipped through the gap, just as the door at the end was flung
open and light poured out into the dark space.
 
Todd jumped for his life and didn't stop until he was several blocks away, and
finally allowed himself to stop and check if he was being followed. Minutes
passed with no sign of pursuers and he finally breathed a sigh of relief and
made his way back to the Brotherhood House to figure out what the Hell he was
going to do.
***** Chapter 15 *****
Todd woke up to the novel sensation of a swelteringly hot, furred body pressed
against his back, and a wiry arm locked around his waist. The heat was stifling
and he gently tried to pry himself free without waking Kurt. His blue lover
mumbled in his sleep and tightened his hold, so in the end, Todd settled for
flipping off the covers to allow himself a little air.
 
He felt very confused. He knew he had been dreaming, because he remembered bits
and pieces, but somehow the big picture eluded him. Something with Wanda... and
her father. Something important. Again he was struck by the powerful sense of
urgency. There was something he needed to do. Something vital to... to...
Wanda?
 
And then the thought slipped from him again, to his great frustration. Yet
again he cursed Xavier to Hell and back. Why did the damn cripple always have
to fuck with people's minds? Before he came here he never dreamt stuff like
this. The occasional wet dream or surreal drink-induced adventure, but never
crazy shit like this. And he didn't like it at all. Not one bit.
 
He glanced at the clock beside the bed. It was early evening and the last rays
of autumn sunlight was filtering through the drawn curtains. Despite the hours
of sleep, he still felt exhausted, but his body was making demands that would
force him out of bed shortly. He felt very hungry and needed a smoke badly. A
second attempt of freeing himself from Kurt's tight hold proved futile, so he
saw no other solution than waking up his bedmate.
 
Looking over his shoulder at the relaxed face of his companion, he almost
regretted it. Kurt looked so peaceful- almost childlike innocent in his sleep.
Like he was perfectly happy. Like there was no war, worry, nightmares or bad
guys in the world. Todd wondered if he had ever looked like that. Somehow he
doubted it. He felt an unfamiliar stab of tenderness for the man behind him and
a sudden unwillingness to ever do anything remotely hurtful to him rushed
through Todd. If anyone ever tried to hurt his fuzz ball, he would kill them.
Simple as that.
 
And then he remembered. He was leaving. In less than twenty four hours he would
be gone. Out of Fuzzy's life. Forever. He would be in no position to protect
him, even if he wanted to. And right then he realized; he did want to. He
wanted to stay with his blue elf and keep him safe from harm. He wanted to have
more than another day of what they had. He wanted more. So much more. But he
was leaving. He was! There was no way he would stay here. He couldn't. He
wouldn't be welcome.
 
Oh sure, Baldie could say as much as he liked that there was room for anyone at
the Xavier Institute but he was definitely the only one thinking that. Who
would want to team up with The Toad? Kurt maybe, but by doing so he would
alienate himself from his friends and team-mates. And Todd was not about to let
that happen. Kurt needed people. Todd had been alone for years and years. He
was used to it. Kurt would not do well without his friends. Not even if he was
with Todd. No.
 
He would leave. Xavier and the geeks would take care of Kurt. He would be okay.
Plus, he was a grown man after all, he should be able to take care of himself.
And who exactly saved who last time there was trouble? The thought made him
snort at his own silliness. Was geek central rubbing off on him, making him all
mushy and sentimental? Or was it just too exhausting being cynical right then?
 
Shrugging off his unusual train of thought, he pried himself out of the
stifling bed, this time with no concern for his sleeping partner. Kurt awoke
with a small grunt when his arm was forced off Todd.
 
“Hm? Are you okay, Todd?”
 
Todd nodded without looking at Kurt. He didn't need all those mushy feelings
right now. All he really needed was a smoke. Setting his feet down on the
shockingly cold floor, made him reconsider leaving the house. He cursed the
house rules for a minute and considered simply having his smoke in bed. In the
end he settled for opening the window and stood shivering in the evening mist,
inhaling his nicotine as fast as he could.
 
He jumped a little with surprise as Kurt laid his arms around his shoulders
from behind, folded a blanket around them both and plastered his naturally
super heated body against the goose-bumped back of his amphibian lover. Todd
stiffened for a second at the unfamiliar sensation, but quickly gave in to the
delicious heat surrounding him.
 
“Are you sure you're okay, Liebling?”
 
Todd froze with his cigarette half way to his lips.
 
“What did you just call me?”
 
Kurt sounded a little embarrassed when he replied:
 
“Oh I'm sorry. Sometimes I can't help but use my native language. Liebling is
German for... uhm... darling... or beloved.”
 
Somehow the whole situation was suddenly just too much for Todd. Darling?! Who
the hell would call him darling?! Without really wanting to, he burst out
laughing. He laughed so hard, he had to cling to the windowsill to avoid
falling to his knees. Kurt let out a small confused snicker, but was very aware
that he was clearly missing something.
 
“Vhat? Vhat's so funny?”
 
The question simply made Todd laugh even more. Eventually his legs simply
couldn't carry him anymore and he slumped heavily to the floor, wheezing and
gasping from his hysterical outburst. Clutching his stomach and rocking a
little, he kept laughing and laughing, until tears were streaming down his
face.
 
Kurt eventually got worried that something was seriously wrong and knelt down
to take a firm hold of Todd's shoulders.
 
“Look at me, Todd! Talk to me! Are you okay?”
 
Finally easing out of the laughing fit, Todd spent a few minutes simply
catching his breath before meeting Kurt's worried, golden eyes. Wiping his face
with his palms, he tried to pull himself together, but occasionally a little
delayed snicker would slip out.
 
“I suck at this, Fuzzy. I really do. I ain't no darlin'. Or beloved or
whatever.”
 
Kurt squeezed his shoulders to reinforce his words.
 
“You are. To me.”
 
Todd rasped out a bitter chuckle.
 
“No, I damn well ain't. What have I ever brought you b'sides trouble, huh? Come
on, get real, Fuzz Face. Summers hates you now, as much as he hates me. You
risk your life to save my sorry ass, only to have my brains turned to mince by
Baldie. Nobody likes The Toad, that's how it is. And a Toad who pukes his guts
out and has nightmares every night is just a goddamn peach. No, man. Best stay
clear of me, Fuzzy. I was never good news to anybody.”
 
Kurt pulled Todd close and hugged him tightly, ignoring the fact that Todd was
completely unresponsive and simply hung limply in his arms.
 
“I know this might be hard to believe, but you are good news to me. And I
refuse to stay clear of you. You von't get rid of me that easy. Because I love
you.”
 
Pulling out of the embrace, Todd got heavily to his feet and picked up the
cigarette slowly burning its way through the veneer of the windowsill.
 
“I know. And I still think you're the one who needs a ride on Baldie's couch.”
 
Kurt froze at the words.
 
“You know? How?”
 
A little uncomfortable at the slip, Todd flicked his cigarette out of the
window and busied himself with closing it without looking at Kurt.
 
“Yeah. I kinda heard you and Summers havin' it on before I was kidnapped.”
 
Still on his knees on the floor, Kurt looked down, embarrassed by some of the
things he remembered shouting at Scott in the heat of his anger, but even more
downcast from Todd's reaction. His voice was small and defeated when he finally
spoke again.
 
“I vas hoping that telling you vould make a difference. That maybe you vouldn't
leave.”
 
Todd kept his face away from Kurt and hugged himself in the chill. The blanket
lay forgotten on the floor.
 
“Well that's just stupid.”
 
Kurt raised his head and narrowed his eyes at Todd, still with his back to him.
 
“If you really think I'm so stupid, then vhy did you spend all this time vith
me this veek and - oh yeah- sleep vith me?!”
 
Todd spun around to face the other mutant looking up at him with angry, feline
eyes.
 
“Because I'm a selfish prick, Fuzzy. I thought you knew that. But either you're
so stupidly in love that I seem like goddamn angel to you, or maybe I hit you
too hard over the head last week!”
 
Pacing around the room, Todd felt like he was suddenly about to explode with
all the frustration and confusion. This was all too damn difficult. He ranted
on, hardly knowing what he was saying.
 
“The only reason I didn't break your damn neck on that roof, is that I was just
about ready to turn myself over to Magneto, just so I wouldn't have to spend
one more fuckin' day alone! Face it, the only people who care about freaks like
you and me are other freaks.
 
“You think that tellin' me that you 'love me oh so very much' would magically
make me see the error of my ways and become one of the geeks? I don't think so,
Fuzz Face! I'm The Toad! Even if I suddenly lost my marbles and decided to
stay, I wouldn't be any less alone! If people don't puke when they see me, they
feel 'oh so sorry' for the freaky kid, who wasn't even good enough for the
goddamn brotherhood!”
 
Kurt could only watch as Todd vented himself into a frenzy, letting off steam
and slowly wearing down the floor in a persistent circular groove.
 
“Nobody loves The Toad! It's a fact of life, Blue Boy! And I'm done getting' my
heart smashed into a zillion pieces every time someone is stupid enough to
think different! You might think you love me, but you're wrong! Whatever mental
illness made you think that in the first place, it'll wear off! Trust me, it's
only a matter of time before you'll hate me like everybody else. Cause I ain't
gonna change!
 
“Oh I tried! I tried to be the perfect kid my mom wanted! I tried to be
invisible when my dad was around! I tried to be normal! I once drank a whole
jug of bleach to make my tongue anythin' but green! I bathed every fuckin' day
in whatever new poison I thought would work, just to stop smellin' like a
fuckin' swamp! I'd rather have crusty scabs all over than bein' the stinky kid!
 
“I tried to be bad-ass for the brotherhood, I tried to be some sort of fuckin'
super-mutant for Wanda and I tried... goddammit I tried to be good enough for
Magneto and his fuckin' war.”
 
Finally stopping his pacing, Todd leaned heavily on the windowsill, locked his
eyes on the floor and sighed.
 
“I'm done, Fuzzy. I'm done tryin' to change what I am. I live with the facts.
People don't like me, even when they get to know me. But if they wanna waste
some time and money on my sorry hide, then I'll damn well take what I can get.
Cause nothin' in life is for free. I'm selfish 'cause it's the only way to
survive. So if it means lovin' and leavin' some poor soft hearted suckers to
protect myself, then that's what I'm gonna do.”
 
Todd had ranted himself dry and stood for a while simply watching his breath
fogging on the window, obscuring his faint reflection. He almost jumped when
Kurt suddenly spoke again.
 
“I don't believe that you're so selfish. If you vere, then you vould never have
helped us in the first place. You vould never have cared. You could have run
off to Magneto and let him kill you, just to get it over vith, or maybe be
lucky enough to be taken back. You could have kicked my ass on that roof top
and left me to bleed to death. You could have told the professor any crap you
could think of and then go into hiding as soon as you could.
 
“You knew I loved you, and still you decided to spend time vith me. You told
the professor the truth and let him read your mind. You backed off from
fighting Scott because I asked you to.”
 
Gathering the blanket around him, Kurt slowly stood up and went to sit on the
bed, while Todd stared determinedly at the window, not really seeing. Kurt's
voice was small but sincere when he continued:
 
“I think you're lying to yourself. I think you vant love and kindness as much
as the rest of us, but you make it so hard for yourself. And for me. I just
vant to be vith you and I'm grateful for this chance to show you how much I
love you, even if it's only for a few days. But you don't vant to believe me.”
 
Todd finally turned around and met Kurt's calm eyes with blazing anger quickly
re-ignited.
 
“What do you know, Fuzzy? What do you know about anythin'? Didn't Baldie tell
you what was in my brain? I know he told you somethin' about me!”
 
Surprisingly, Kurt didn't avert his eyes or look uncomfortable like Todd
expected he would.
 
“Actually, yes, he did. He told me that you veren't ready to join us and that I
vould break my heart being vith you now. But he also told me that you're good.
You vant to be good. You vant to do the right thing, but you need time.”
 
Folding his three-fingered hands in his lap, Kurt sighed and let his eyes slip
closed.
 
“I'm not naïve enough to think that you vould just fall in love vith me
overnight. But I hoped so very much that you vould stay. That ve could keep
seeing each other and maybe... maybe some day if I vas lucky, you vould learn
to trust me and maybe love me back.”
 
Todd was bolted to the floor. He had absolutely no idea what to say to that. So
he just stood there, shivering in the chilly room, staring at the downhearted
form of his lover. He was so confused. On one hand he wanted nothing more than
to run far, far away to avoid having to deal with this, and on the other hand,
he desperately wanted to go to Kurt and make their different pains disappear
any way he could. Even if it meant renewing their old hatred and punching the
pain to mince like they always had.
 
And somehow, that thought made all the difference. The only constant in his
life had been the fighting. Even when Kurt had been lucky enough to have
friends and even a girlfriend, he had never shied away from Todd, never backed
down or ignored him. He had always taken on the challenge and been there to
provide the only comfort there was to be found in Todd's turbulent life.
Twisted, perhaps. But necessary for their mutual sanity.
 
But only Kurt had been attentive enough to see through their hurt and discover
that there was more than mutual hostility between them, and still, even though
he had loved the tragic mess that was Todd, he had kept the game afoot, knowing
how much they both needed it. Todd realized that he did trust Kurt. Had always
trusted him to be there when reality hurt too much. Had even trusted him not to
break his heart, when he decided to soak up some of the comfort offered so
differently from the way they used to.
 
As much as he loathed admitting it, old Baldie was right. He needed time. Time
to think. But he didn't have time. Tomorrow he would be gone.
 
Resigning himself to eating his pride and laying his soul bare, he quickly put
on jeans and a t-shirt and left Kurt behind to go seek out the only person who
could fix this mess. He made his way swiftly through the mansion, hoping the
professor was still up.
***** Chapter 16 *****
Todd's bare feet made no noise on the carpet, as he padded along swiftly
through the dark corridor. He had no idea where the professor's room was, so he
opted for the office, hoping the old geezer was still up.
 
Turning a corner, he suddenly felt woozy. His hand reached out for support from
the wall, but never made it that far, before his legs gave in and he landed in
a heap on the floor. The walls seemed to fly away from him in dizzying circles
and he closed his eyes to avoid throwing up. The dream started again
immediately behind his eyelids and it picked up exactly where he woke up
earlier.
 
He was jumping his longest frog jumps, making his way at top speed as far away
from the warehouse as possible. What could he do? Where could he go? His mind
was running in circles while he darted aimlessly from one street to the next,
hiding in the shadows. Daylight slowly crept up on him and the first people
started to appear on the streets, making their way to jobs and schools.
 
School... of course! The X-geeks! They would know what to do! If he just told
one of them, their goody-goody tendencies would force them to do something
about it! Problem solved and out of his hair! There was just one small
problem... would any of them even stop and listen to him for just a second?
Todd doubted it. They all kept their distance as much as possible. He couldn't
exactly blame them, since his 'dumpster no.5' smell and his bad attitude was
worse than ever. Frankly, the only one of them he'd been in the company of for
more than five minutes had been... Fuzzy! Blue Boy did seem to be his best bet,
since Todd had already successfully managed to get his help saving Wanda once
before.
 
Todd was almost on school grounds when he realized that he couldn't just walk
up to Fuzzy and talk to him. First of all, the elf probably wouldn't stick
around and speak to him at all, but if he did for some inexplicable reason, it
would look extremely weird. And if there was one thing that drew a lot of
unwanted attention at school, it was weirdness. No. He couldn't risk it. He
would have to do what he always did. Annoy the shit out of everyone around him.
Maybe if he could get Blue Boy riled up enough to meet him after school for a
bit of mutual loathing? Yeah. That might work.
 
Comforted by his plan, Todd wandered into school as he always did; with no
books and a general disregard for the educational system. He usually only
showed up when the other Brotherhood mutants did or when he was hungry enough
to hang around for a couple of lessons to pilfer a few lunch boxes or pick a
few pockets. To his great relief, he didn't see any of the others, so they
probably weren't in school that day.
 
As it turned out, his plan worked a little too well. Fuzzy was in a terrible
mood and it took no more than three paper balls bouncing off the back of his
head before he was ready to kill the 'verdammte' Toad. By lunchtime, Todd
decided to leave school and wait in the alley behind that fast food joint he
could never remember the name of. But Blue Boy seemed to like it and had taken
that chick of his there once or twice. Which of course, Todd had taken as a
prime opportunity to ambush and piss off the geekiest of X-geeks the world had
ever seen. It had become some sort of regular battleground for them after a few
times, so when Fuzzy had told him to prepare for death, Todd knew it would have
to be here.
 
As the sun sunk lower on the sky, Todd huddled behind the dumpster and managed
to find a few half eaten burgers that were not too bad. Actually they were
quite edible compared to a lot of the other things he ate sometimes. Not to
mention the abundance of flies simply waiting to become lunch and later dinner.
Busy as he was catching the flies and perfecting his aim, he didn't notice when
there was a sudden whiff of sulfur in the air and a shadow closed in on him.
 
The asphalt made rather violent contact with Todd's face when Kurt landed on
his back, clawing at him with all he had. They rolled and grappled, Todd taking
advantage of his powerful legs to twist around and keep the sharp claw-like
nails off him with both hands and tongue. Only then did he realize just how
incensed Fuzzy must be. He hadn't even bothered turning off his inducer, but
had simply jumped at Todd the second he was in view.
 
It dawned on Todd that he hadn't really thought further than this. How would he
manage talking to Fuzzy at all, while being punched in the face? Not to mention
doing so while using his tongue to hold on to his teleporting nemesis to
prevent him from bolting. He would have to chance it. He pulled his tongue back
and would have talked, if Fuzzy didn't pick that exact moment to head-butt him
so hard that Todd saw little birdies, and teleport away a second later.
 
Shaking his head to clear it, Todd finally spotted Kurt crouching on a nearby
wall, panting and wheezing, his holo-image flickering away around him, as the
inducer fizzled and died. Todd held out his hands to avoid further attack and
yelled:
 
“WOAH! Hold up, Fuzzy! I need to talk to you!”
 
Kurt barked back:
 
“HAH! Vhat could you possibly have to say to me?! Vant me to lend you my
inducer again? Vell, you can have it! It's broken anyvay!”
 
Kurt threw the wristwatch at Todd with undisguised anger written all over his
face and Todd hurried on:
 
“No, I swear, ain't nothin' like that! I gotta tell you somethin'! It's
important!”
 
With a puff and flash, Kurt was gone and Todd cursed under his breath, afraid
that the elf had gone away completely.
 
“YO! Fuzz Face! Come back! I ain't kiddin'! It's really important! Wanda's in
danger!”
 
Apparently that was all Kurt needed to know, because the next second, Todd was
kicked in the back and flew forward, only to be met by a cloud of sulfur and a
fist, breaking his nose. Dazed, he kicked at thin air and almost fell over from
the force of the next punch, coming from a completely new angle. Fuzzy was
really going all out and pulling some new tricks out of his sleeve. Bleeding
from his nose and slightly cross-eyed, Todd turned to meet the next punch and
instead he heard a decidedly horrible noise as his skull cracked from the blow
of something much harder than a fist or foot. Not a second later, both of
Kurt's feet hit Todd in the chest and he was flung against the dumpster with a
cracking sound as his arm broke against the sharp edge.
 
He was going to get back up and continue the fight, but for some odd reason his
legs didn't work. The world spun as he fell over sideways as if in slow motion
and he landed face down in a patch of filth smelling quite as nasty as himself.
He wanted to roll out of it, but his body didn't work. He could only lie there
are blink stupidly as the greyish dirt turned red from the copious amounts of
blood running from his skull onto the ground.
 
From somewhere behind him, he heard a gasp and the low 'bamf' as Fuzzy
teleported away. Todd was pretty sure he was supposed to be in a lot of pain,
but he didn't feel anything. A little sleepy perhaps. Yes... a nap would be
good. His eyes were closing when a cool gust of wind tickled his forehead and a
something cold touched his arm. And then all went black.
***** Chapter 17 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Broken images flitted past Todd's eyes. Like a TV badly tuned in to two
different channels at the same time. There was adult Kurt's worried face
hovering above him, calling his name. The next second there was the inside of
an ambulance and some guy muttering under his breath about fucked up, smelly
freaks. There was the mansion ceiling with the chandeliers and then a blur of
dreary white hospital walls. Some old crow was yapping about social services
and money, making him roll out of bed and make a magnificent escape with
bandages flying behind him.
 
No time to lose. Wanda... he had to save Wanda... The city streets flew past
him in a daze, and his drugged mind thought the lights were awfully pretty and
distracting. Like Wanda... Had to save Wanda. That thought kept him focused and
he kept going as fast as he could towards Geek Central.
 
At the mansion grounds, he paused at the wall to catch his breath and uncross
his eyes for the jump inside. If it was like he remembered, someone would be
out to 'greet' him as soon as he jumped the wall. He was sure he wouldn't be
allowed to just walk in this time around. His bandaged arm made it difficult to
get the angle right and his head was wrapped so thoroughly in gauze that it
felt twice as heavy.
 
Just as he was crouching for the jump, an arm was flung around his neck from
behind, easily shutting off his air supply. And there was that voice. The voice
from the warehouse. The mind-fucker.
 
“Time to forget, little toad...”
 
Todd was flung out of his own body and watched the whole bizarre scene from
afar. He was dragged away by some mutant and he wanted to follow. It was his
body after all. But his detached self instead made its way to the brotherhood
house with dizzying speed and when he slowed down, the sun was lower in the sky
and early evening descended on the sorry excuse for a building that housed the
Brotherhood of Mutants.
 
He saw himself staggering up to the door, which to his immense surprise was
locked. Amazingly uncharacteristic for that particular door, considering that
last time he saw it, it couldn't even close properly, much less lock. His
fifteen year old self looked confused and scratched his bandaged head without
thinking, which resulted in a loud curse, clearly audible inside the house.
 
The door opened, and there was Freddy, easily blocking the entire entrance,
preventing the ever more confused teenage Todd from entering the house.
 
“Yo, dawg! What's up with the door?”
 
Freddy looked rather grumpy, perhaps even angry, and didn't move an inch.
 
“You can't come in.”
 
Todd heard the whine in his younger voice and remembered how the pain was
really emerging then, as the drugs wore off.
 
“Why not? What'd I do?!”
 
Pietro's blonde head peaked over Freddy's shoulder and leered:
 
“We don't house treacherous little slime balls like you. So buzz off!”
 
Young Todd gaped and froze, completely dumbstruck as the door almost hit him in
the face when Freddy slammed it shut with a muttered: “Traitor”.
 
And that was it. Todd remembered it clearly as it was yesterday, but now it
suddenly made sense. As he watched his younger, oblivious self go to sleep
behind some of the scraggy bushes in the yard, Todd reflected on what he had
learned. They hadn't just kicked him out for no reason. They had somehow found
out what he had overheard and that he had gone to the X-geeks for help. Guess
Todd hadn't been as successful at sneaking as he'd thought.
 
Pietro had probably gotten a message from daddy dearest to find Todd and stop
him from talking to Kurt. Maybe the mind-fuckery was just because Pietro got
squeamish and couldn't kill him. Improbable, but not impossible. Or maybe
someone else from The Brotherhood actually stood up for him and cared. Either
way, he was lucky to be alive. Magneto didn't take too kindly too betrayal.
after all.
 
Had it been more recent times, Todd probably would have been dead within
seconds of overhearing Maggy's fatherly plans for his only daughter. But if the
plan was so good, then why hadn't the whole damn planet blown up yet? Was it
just too risky? Or had Wanda proved to be not so easily controlled after all?
Whatever the reason, it only meant that Magneto still potentially had a
horrific weapon on hand if it looked like he was going to lose the war.
 
It was a really scary thought, and Todd tried desperately to find a way to snap
out of this way too realistic dream, so he could tell the professor. As if on
cue, suddenly the professor's face appeared hovering before him, and without
moving his lips, Xavier casually remarked:
 
“I think we've seen what we need to see. Don't you agree, Todd?”
 
Todd would have yelped, but he didn't seem to really have a voice. So he simply
tried to think what he wanted to say. Not so very freakin' easy for someone,
who in his own opinion, had just about as much mental capacity as a wet cotton
ball. The professor got the hint though, and the ten year old world faded away
slowly, to be replaced by the present and a blue, furry and extremely worried
face.
 
"Oh, Gott sei Dank! Danke, Gott, dass du ihn mir nicht genommen hast!
Barmherziger Vater..."
 
Todd was completely engulfed in furred gecko, clinging to him and babbling in
German into his ear.
 
“Hey, woah, Fuzzy! English! And a little air!”
 
The grip loosened a little, but Kurt didn't let go completely. He pulled back
far enough to look Todd in the face.
 
“Sorry, but I vas so vorried about you. You almost died. If the professor
hadn't found you...”
 
Trying to sit up, Todd fought to get his bearings as the urgency of the
situation suddenly occurred to him.
 
“The professor! Where is he? I need to...”
 
A wave of nausea forced him back on the couch in Xavier's office and the
Professor's voice calmed him immediately.
 
“Don't worry, Todd. I took the liberty of looking over your shoulder, so to
speak, as the memory barriers you had broke down. I was afraid to tamper with
them myself, in case they would cause damage being lifted prematurely. Some
things are better left for the mind to work out at its own pace.”
 
Todd turned his head carefully to look at Xavier with annoyance.
 
“So you knew all along that I was fucked up in the head?!”
 
Xavier simply smiled his usual kind smile.
 
“Not exactly. I knew there were barriers, but they were unusual, so I thought
it best to leave them for the time being. More often than not, the brain
overrides such barriers without help, given enough time and a few hints. I
managed to pull out a few of the memories at our first session, and the rest
came along just now by an amazing stroke of luck.”
 
Kurt help Todd sit up slowly and he fixed Xavier with a puzzled and still
annoyed look. Xavier wheeled himself behind his desk and let his fingertips
meet in his usual thoughtful position.
 
“It seems you were grazed by another of Bane's darts at your last encounter,
and I'm sure even he could not have realized the effect it would have on your
memories. I didn't have to do anything, I simply tagged along while it all
unravelled inside your head. It was not without risk, however. You were very
close to dying.”
 
Todd's eyes widened and he croaked:
 
“...the Hell? How?”
 
Kurt's hand closed painfully tight around Todd's and provided a much needed
anchor to cling to, while Xavier fixed him with a piercing stare.
 
“You were very deeply immersed in your memories. Your heart rate and breathing
slowed down, and I didn't want to risk further damage by trying to pull you
back out. We called for Sascha when you were found, but she's still about half
an hour away, so we had no way of knowing just how badly the poison affected
you.
 
“Your vital signs dropped so low that we thought you were dead. But then it
slowly righted itself. Maybe it's just the nature of this type of poison, or
maybe you've got a lot more mental strength than you think. Either way, it
seems you've cheated death yet again.”
 
Todd let his gaze drop to the carpet and squeezed Kurt's hand. It was all just
a little too much for him. But at least this way, he was saved the trouble of
retelling the whole, weird story. Todd rubbed his eyes and groaned. He felt
like he had been wrung out completely and he just couldn't face it all right
then. Perhaps the Professor sensed it, perhaps not, but he cleared his throat
and said:
 
“Well. I'd say you've certainly lived up to your side of the bargain. I sent
Jean and Scott to find Wanda and bring her to safety, if possible. Kitty is
waiting with the jet to take you to your new home. Kurt, would you be kind
enough to help Todd pack his things and take him down to the hangar?”
 
Kurt looked up as if he had completely forgotten the professor was even there.
 
“Oh! Uhm... of course, Professor.”
 
He helped Todd up from the couch and made sure he was steady on his feet before
letting him move. They headed for the door, but stopped when Xavier extended
his hand across the desk. Todd shook it, left the office, shut the door behind
them and closed his eyes when Kurt embraced him and they vanished.
Chapter End Notes
     Kurt's babbling:
     "Oh, Gott sei Dank! Danke, Gott, dass du ihn mir nicht genommen hast!
     Barmherziger Vater..."
     Translation: "Oh thank God! Thank you, Lord, for not taking him away
     from me! Merciful father..."
***** Chapter 18 *****
The packing of Todd's small bag was conducted in stony silence. Kurt teleported
Todd to his room and then just leaned on the windowsill and studied the carpet.
Todd tried not to look at Kurt while throwing his clothes carelessly into the
bag, but his eyes kept darting to his soon to be ex-lover.
 
Todd really wanted to say something. But what did one say in situations like
this? He had absolutely no clue. There were no questions to ask. No point in
getting answers if you weren't planning on doing anything with them. There were
probably things one should say, but Todd had no idea what those might be or
what purpose they might have.
 
Maybe goodbye? Or maybe not. Maybe it would hurt less if he just left with no
words. Or not. He already knew Kurt was hurting. It didn't exactly take a
genius to figure it out. But somehow the thought of himself being the cause of
that hurt made Todd sick to his stomach. But he was leaving. There was just no
question. His mind was made up. He came to help, he had helped -even fucked up
his brain in the process- and now the time had come to save his own neck.
Period.
 
Kurt's shoulders shook for a second the next time Todd's eyes landed on him,
but there were no tears and no sound at all from him. He just stood there,
looking like he had decided the rest of the world didn't exist. And it hurt.
Todd realized it with a start. It hurt. So fucking much that he could hardly
stand it. He had failed. He had broken his own heart again. And this time he
had broken someone else's too. That thought made it all a thousand times worse.
When it was only his own heart breaking, he could always hate the world and
blame everything and everyone for his misery. But this misery was completely
self inflicted, and there was no doubt about how big an asshole he truly was,
inflicting the pain on someone else. Not to mention someone completely
undeserving of something like this.
 
He never should have started this. He gave in to stupid temptation and now he
had to pay the price. Double price, really. Broken heart and self loathing. Two
for one special – going out of business sale. What the hell had he been
thinking? He had been grasping at straws, that's what. Hoping for a taste of a
normal life, when such a thing was pure idiocy to hope for... for him... for
them. People like Todd and Kurt never had normal lives. Ever. Trying to have
one had been self deception of the first degree.
 
Todd zipped his bag shut with venom. The sound of it was loud in the quiet room
and Kurt looked up with eyes that were miles away. His face was empty. Blank.
He wasn't even sad or angry. Just blank. And he asked like nothing made any
difference:
 
“Ready to go?”
 
The otherwise melodic voice was flat, and Todd's mouth went dry. He had to
clear his throat before he could reply:
 
“Hrrm... Yeah. Sure.”
 
Kurt walked slowly towards him and opened his arms. For one wild moment, Todd
thought he wanted to say goodbye. To hug or maybe even kiss one last time. But
the long, wiry arms only went around his waist laxly and before Todd really
absorbed his feelings about it, the pressure and the weird smell was there, and
then the jet was right in front of him, slowly starting up its engines.
 
Stepping a single step away from Todd and crossing his arms over his chest,
Kurt looked tired. There was still no real emotion to be found on his face and
it was quickly driving Todd crazy. He thought of trying for a goodbye of some
sort, but no matter what he thought of, it all seemed either stupid or
pointless. His hand lifted a little, maybe to reach out to Kurt, but as if it
was an indicator of Todd's confused feelings, it lost heart half way and
dropped back to hang limply by his side. Sighing, he gave up and decided to do
like he always did. When something was bound to hurt, get it over with. Like a
band aid. So, feeling like even more of an ass, he turned on his heel and
dragged himself onto the jet without looking back.
 
Kitty was at the controls and she sent Todd a sympathetic smile as he sat down
and fiddled with the buckles of the seatbelt. He didn't meet her eyes. Even
when his world was collapsing on itself, he couldn't stand the pity. Especially
since it was of his own doing.
 
Apparently starting up a jet wasn't exactly as simple as Todd would have
thought. Either that, or Kitty wasn't all that great at it. In any case it took
what seemed like ages before the thing was actually in the air. He buckled
himself in and then made an extreme effort not to twiddle his thumbs or bite
his nails for the next long minutes of startup procedure. It gave him entirely
too much time to think about his situation, and before long, he just about
wished that Baldie had turned his brain to mush. At least, that way, he would
have had a little peace and quiet in his skull.
 
As it was, the same thoughts kept chasing each other around in his mind. That
this was by far the most idiotic thing he'd ever done. And that was quite
something, considering his previous experiences. Also, he decided that this was
just about the most miserable he'd ever felt, which in view of his upbringing
was an even bigger feat. He really wished he could blame someone for his
misery. That he could rant and scream at someone or something and maybe feel a
little better. Making someone else feel like crap had always helped in the past
when he was hurt. But now?
 
Fuzzy's pain seemed to make his own so much worse that he wondered if it would
ever really go away. Comparing it to other low points in his life only brought
home just how bad it was. His mother not recognizing him, in her fog of
whatever she was high on the day he left home for good, had been really bad.
The day the Brotherhood had kicked him out had been even worse. But this day
took the cake. And one of the really horrible things about it was that he
wasn't even sure why. Why should this be so much worse? He wasn't beaten to a
pulp or starved like the first days on his own, not freezing and hurting in his
own back yard like he was ten years ago. He was sitting in a comfortable seat
on a warm jet plane, about to take him to safety.
 
But just imagining a certain blank face in his mind was enough to make his
stomach clench and his mouth dry out. He cursed his life for not preparing him
for stuff like this. Feelings and crap. His life had only really taught him how
to survive and try to have some occasional fun, but not how to actually live.
He'd known all his life that he'd never get the white picket fence, the fat
wife and the truckload of kids. But he had still - somewhere deep down - hoped
for some kind of life for himself. Somehow. Someday.
 
The jet was finally getting airborne, so Todd snapped out of his musings and
leaned closer to the window in an attempt at getting one last glimpse at the
place that held the reason for his torment. Kitty didn't talk and only glanced
at him over her shoulder occasionally, while leaving him to his thoughts. He
was grateful that she would actually show him that much consideration. Somewhat
against his will, he admitted that she was okay. Even if she had a been a
complete pain in the ass when she was dating Lance.
 
Come to think of it, most of the X-Geeks were basically good people. Somewhat
idiotic and way too kind-hearted for their own good... but good people. Scott
was a true and utter bastard who would probably hate him for the rest of his
days, but even when straining his tired brain, Todd couldn't think of a single
other person from the mansion with a genuine reason to hate him apart from his
horrible smell back in the day. That realization made him simultaneously happy
and nauseas. Not to mention the sudden flood of “what ifs” that stormed his
brain in a rush.
 
For one dizzying moment, he allowed himself to consider the mere possibility of
staying at the mansion. Not taking into account the obvious benefits of greatly
improved living standards, there was Fuzzy. Forcefully shoving Kurt's face
aside in his mind, Todd weighed the pros and cons. He would probably have to
join the team, and fight a fight he had never considered his own. He would even
have to make a real attempt at a permanent attitude adjustment, not to mention
some serious anger management when dealing with Scott.
 
But even with those rather dismal prospects for the future, the rewards dangled
tantalizingly in front of his face, suddenly making it feel like a fair
bargain. He would have a chance to start afresh, make some friends and... he
couldn't escape it anymore; the image of Kurt forced its way back to the front
of his mind. And the thought that the blank look on his face could be reversed
back to that glowing look of happiness he'd had the sunny autumn day in the
mansion grounds, when everything had felt just right, was just too much.
 
With shocking force, Todd's heart jumped in his chest and a ridiculous amount
of hope blossomed, making him almost dizzy with all the possibilities opening
up to him. All of them involving Kurt in some way. And that's the moment where
he finally realized that he had done it again. Given his heart away.
Definitely, completely, crazily given it away to a furry freak, who probably
gave him more love than he ever deserved... and for some odd reason was likely
still willing to give him even more.
 
His chance for happiness was right in front of him. All he had to do was
swallow his pride and reach for it. All right, then. Nobody could ever accuse
The Toad of being a coward at crunch time. When the going got tough, The Toad
would step up to the fight. Even if the fight was mostly for his own sanity and
future life. Determined, he swallowed the mouthful of cotton that had suddenly
appeared and leaned forward to tap Kitty on her shoulder.
 
“Hey.. Kitty Cat. Turn this thing around. I gotta go back.”
 
Glancing over her shoulder, Kitty gave him a piercing look.
 
“Back? What for?”
 
Todd shoved his pride far down and simply met her questioning eyes.
 
“I need to talk to Baldie.”
 
Kitty smiled wryly and quirked an eyebrow at him.
 
“For your information, this is the X-jet, not a taxi. And the phone has been
invented, you know.”
 
The temptation to snap back was great, but he mentally kicked himself in the
ass before he replied:
 
“I know... I just... gotta go back.”
 
She shrugged and turned away from him to twiddle the controls. Just when he was
about to ask if she would take him back or not, she said quietly to the air in
front of her.
 
“It's for Kurt, isn't it?”
 
Pretty shocked at how much she hit the nail on the head, Todd squirmed in his
seat.
 
“Well... yeah. How'd you know?”
 
Kitty giggled in her trademark girly way and glanced back at him with a face
very much like the ten year younger one he remembered mostly with a frown. But
this time it was completely friendly and even a little teasing.
 
“Oh please, the mansion is, like, gossip central. Ever since Scott caught you
two making out on the front steps, we've all just been waiting for something
like this.”
 
Todd felt his mouth fall open and shut it again when he realized he had no idea
how to respond to that. It seemed his talent for snappy comebacks had
completely died on him. Then something else suddenly occurred to him.
 
“Wait... you mean... you're okay with it? With me joinin' you guys and all? “
 
Kitty was busy with turning the jet around and didn't even look at him.
 
“Sure... Why wouldn't we be? We're all freaks, kinda. I'm sure a little thing
like a resident gay couple won't shake things up much.”
 
Todd felt his tongue do a few knots trying to gibber out a reply and hurriedly
unfurled it again to avoid hurting himself.
 
“N-no, I mean... I'm The Toad. You really want me on your team?”
 
Slowly adjusting the reverse course, Kitty sighed and bit her lip before
answering him, without really meeting his eyes.
 
“Look, I know we were nasty to you back in school, but times have changed.
We're all older and we've lost so much already to this idiotic war, that we
need all the friends we can get. And you've changed too. You really are the
good good guy Kurt always knew you were. Plus, you bathe now. We'd all be glad
to have you.”
 
She giggled again and winked at him.
 
“Well okay, maybe not Scott, but he'll come around.”
 
Smiling, she turned back to watching the controls, and Todd sunk into his seat
with a feeling that his life was about to change radically... or that it
already had and that he was close to the point of no return. And frankly... he
was okay with it.
***** Chapter 19 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The trip back to the mansion took no time at all, and Todd wasn't really all
that surprised when the first thing that happened when he exited the jet, was
that the professor's voice popped up in his head.
 
“Welcome back, Todd. I dare say you proved even me wrong. And I'm glad. Go see
Kurt first. We'll talk in the morning.”
 
Todd didn't try for a reply. This telepathy crap still weirded him out, but he
got the distinct impression that ol' Baldie was smiling up there in his office.
Well. At least the big boss was glad to have him. Always a plus.
 
A bit of confusion followed, since he'd never physically taken the trip through
the mansion down to the hangar, but Kitty was a good sport and showed him the
way to the corridor where Kurt's room was. She was entirely too chipper, and
kept smiling at him all the way, and Todd was very tempted to pull a face, when
she winked and phased through the floor to whereever she was going.
 
Reminding himself that she was probably just way too overexcited from the huge
gossip potential of his return, and not purposely out to embarrass him, helped
a lot keeping his desire for mockery in check. Besides, if he was going to be
living here with her, there would be plenty of time to prank the hell out of
her, if she proved too much to take. The thought made him smirk and he already
had a half formed plan in his head on how to go about pranking someone who
could phase through things, when he suddenly realized he had arrived at Kurt's
door.
 
And just like that, his shoes turned to led. At least, that's how it felt. The
last step bringing him within knocking distance of the door certainly felt like
he was dragging his feet through glue. He could hear music coming from the
inside. Something sad that sounded vaguely familiar.
 
The music made him realize something else. Kurt was most likely heartbroken.
What if he decided that he was just too hurt to patch things up? What if he
wouldn't accept whatever lousy excuse Todd came up with for just showing up and
expecting things to be peachy? What if? Todd felt almost nauseas at the thought
of all the ways his brilliant plan could go wrong. Because he most certainly
wouldn't be staying if Kurt thought he was a total asshole. Which he probably
already thought.
 
These dark thoughts put a serious peg in the wheel of Todd's courage, and he
spent at least a full minute outside Kurt's door, cursing his sorry ass brain,
for not being able to find a solution for this mess. He leaned his forehead
gently against the smooth wood of the door, naïvely willing his thoughts to
find Kurt on the other side, and explain everything without all these fucking
awkward words. A few of the words of the sad song made it through the door, as
Todd was hating himself outside.
 
“Crazy... I'm crazy for feeling... so lonely-y-y.”
 
Smiling bitterly, Todd thought to himself that Fuzzy really knew how to hit the
nail on the head, musically. He found himself wondering what Blue Boy would
listen to when he was happy. Probably some weird German pop music. And oddly
enough, Todd found that he was dying to know. To know everything. What music
Kurt listened to. What his favorite food was, where he grew up, if he could
wriggle his pointed ears. Every bit of information about his elf, he wanted to
know it all. About his elf. And he would make sure Fuzzy knew that in short
order.
 
That thought decided it for him, and he straightened up, mentally calling his
balls out for being such damn cowards and simply swung open the door without
knocking.
 
Kurt was sitting at his desk with his back to the door. A book was open on the
table in front of him, but it was clear he wasn't reading it. He was just
sitting at the desk, hunched over, looking out of the window. Todd was about to
say something, when Kurt beat him to it.
 
“I could hear you standing out there, trying to hear if I vas crying. Vell, I'm
not, so you can tell the others that I'm okay, and please leave me alone. Thank
you.”
 
Todd blinked and frowned. What was Fuzzy talking about? Confused, he stayed
where he was and just looked at the back of Kurt's head. As the song ended and
restarted on the CD player, Kurt sighed and continued:
 
“Sascha, I'm asking you nicely to leave me alone. At least have the courtesy to
do as I ask.”
 
Oh. Now it made sense. Kurt apparently didn't realize it was Todd behind him.
Although how that was possible, he was very curious about, since Kurt's sense
of smell was brilliant and Todd certainly didn't smell anything like the
perfumed Sascha chick. But deciding that that was a matter to be pondered at a
later time, he simply shut the door quietly behind him and slowly approached
his elf.
 
Without further ado, he carefully wrapped his arms around Kurt, in a display of
tenderness he mentally patted himself on the back for, and simply held tight,
when the furry mutant squirmed in surprise.
 
“Yo, Furball. Missed me?”
 
Kurt whirled around in his seat, fixing shocked golden eyes on Todd, still
keeping his arms locked tight, not giving his elf a chance to bolt. Not that he
seemed ether willing or able, as he simply sat there silently, staring at
Todd's face an inch away from his own. So Todd decided that since Fuzzy was
quiet for once, he might as well get on with it.
 
“Look, Fuzzy. I'm... not good at all this feelin's crap. Not at all. But... I'm
here. And I'm stayin. “
 
Kurt was still just staring at Todd, so he considered it for a few seconds and
decided that that was a pretty half-assed declaration, and tried again.
 
“I... uh... I wanna know what music you like. Okay? I wanna meet your folks,
and groom your monkey fur, and mess up your stuff, and eat all your food, and
borrow your shirts and all those other stupid couples things that normal people
do. Okay?
 
“I wanna know all your bad habits, and your secrets and dreams, and your kinky
sex fantasies. I wanna know everything.”
 
Todd was just congratulating himself on this much better delivery of the
message, when Kurt quirked an eyebrow and simply asked:
 
“You... vant to know my... sex fantasies?”
 
Thrown off for a second, Todd cleared his throat and stammered:
 
“Well... uhm... that too... I mean... err. You're kinda missin' the point here,
Fuzzy!”
 
Kurt smirked and inched just a little closer until their noses were touching.
 
“Oh? And vhat is the point, then?”
 
Encouraged by the smirk, Todd swallowed another load of those pesky cotton
balls and got down to it. If ever there was a time to say it like it was, now
was the time.
 
“The point... Fuzzball... is that you're my fuzzball! And I ain't ever leavin'
you again.”
 
Kurt smiled and dropped something on the floor he had been cradling to his
chest, to throw his arms around Todd instead.

“Vell... vhen you put it like that...”
 
And with a bamf and a blink, they were gone, Todd's sweat shirt forgotten on
the floor, where it had fallen from Kurt's arms.
 
* * *
 
Epilogue.
 
It was war. The world was harshly divided into mutants and non-mutants. Heavy
casualties on both sides. The streets shone wetly with blood, not all of it the
human red.
 
Nightcrawler was perched on a wall, lips tight and face bitter, while watching
the destruction still taking place. He would be joining the battle any second
now. He just needed that one last thing.
 
The Toad landed on the wall next to him and nodded grimly. It was time.
 
Reaching out his webbed hand, The Toad squeezed the three, furry fingers hard
enough to bruise, but it still brought exactly the comfort and strength that
Nightcrawler needed. With a last nod exchanged, they lept into battle, leading
the way as the X-men took up the offence against Magneto's hordes.
 
But that is another story to tell.
 
The End.
Chapter End Notes
     This is a repost. Fic originally written in 2008-2009, with no beta.
     Still no beta now, but this time it has at least been gone over with
     a fine-toothed comb for typos and random errors.
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
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