Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/3395840.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Levi/Erwin_Smith
  Character:
      Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Erwin_Smith
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_Student/Teacher, Reincarnation, Modern_Era, Anal
      Sex, Blow_Jobs, Anal_Fingering, the_usual, and_like_the_tiniest_mention
      of_daddy_kink_at_the_very_end
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-02-20 Words: 26303
****** Those Who Can't Do, Teach ******
by imawarlock
Summary
     The boy - because that’s what he was, really, even though Levi was
     actually 17 and would vehemently protest if called that - had
     finally, it seemed, after nearly two and a half years of dancing
     around this issue, gotten Erwin exactly where he wanted him.
Notes
     So this was supposed to be just me writing smut and then it somehow
     turned into a 20k+ fic, so enjoy, I guess.
See the end of the work for more notes
The boy - because that’s what he was, really, even though Levi was actually 17
and would vehemently protest if called that - had finally, it seemed, gotten
Erwin exactly where he wanted him.
They’d spent more than 2 years dancing around this issue, starting when Levi
had been assigned to Erwin’s class. Right away, Erwin felt drawn to him, felt a
sense of familiarity when he looked at him that he couldn’t explain. It was
like déjà vu but stronger, like he’d known him before. That was impossible,
though, because Erwin was quite sure that he’d never met this boy, but either
way, Erwin could not deny that his interest in him wasn’t entirely innocent.
He was attracted to him, although at first, it didn’t feel entirely sexual.
Rather, it was everything else about him, his personality and the way he moved,
his mere presence just enough to fill Erwin’s chest with a curious warmth. Levi
was fascinating to him, and it was so strong that he was almost powerless to
resist. Luckily, though, it was one-sided. Or, so he had thought.
It wasn’t long into that school year before Levi started talking to Erwin after
class, finding excuses to stick around when the period ended and then even
coming to see him after school. Levi may have thought he was being subtle,
pretending to need help with a paper or wanting a math problem explained, but
he was 15 at the time and by then, Erwin had enough years of teaching
experience under his belt to be able to see right through him. Besides, Levi
was a good student when he put all his focus into his work, and Erwin did not
doubt that he would have been able to figure most of the stuff he came to him
for on his own, without his help if he wanted.
But the problem was even if Erwin knew deep down inside that he should keep his
distance, that the interest he had in Levi had the potential to turn into
something more, he didn’t mind Levi coming to him for help. In fact, before
long, it became the opposite, and he began to look forward to Levi visiting him
after class or after school, to have a chance to spend time with him when there
weren’t other students around or he wasn’t teaching.
He liked the boy, found himself enchanted by him like he was put under a spell.
He found him endearing in the strangest ways, and couldn’t deny him help even
if Erwin knew he might not really need it, or even if sometimes, they talked
about anything but.
Why should it matter, though, what was the harm? It wasn’t like they had a
sexual relationship, and teachers weren’t forbidden to have friendships with
their students, right?
That was how Erwin tried to rationalize it to himself, ignoring the fact that
he felt like he had to rationalize it in the first place. That should have been
reason enough to send Levi to someone else for help, but he didn’t, and didn’t
perhaps realize what he had gotten himself into until one evening after school
about halfway through the year.
He’d been helping Levi with a report, reading over what he’d written in his
empty classroom and marking it with red. They’d been sitting at a table, and
when they were done, Levi had started to gather his things, stopping suddenly
when Erwin began to get up. He grabbed his thigh, planting his small hand on
top of it and gripping firmly.
Erwin froze - Levi’s hand was very high up on his leg, and his fingers were
digging into the skin on the inside through his pants - and glanced down to
where he was touching him. Then his gaze flicked instantly to the open door
where anyone could walk through at any moment to see what was happening, and
jerked his leg out from under Levi’s sharp grip.
“Levi.” He said, turning and getting ready to explain, only to stop when he saw
that his face, normally quite pale and wearing a disdainful or bored
expression, was now beet red and entirely overwhelmed by his wide eyes and open
mouth.
“I’m, I-I...I’m-” He stuttered, perhaps to apologize before he closed his
mouth, moving to rapidly stuff the rest of his belongings into his bookbag.
“Shit-”
He said the curse under his breath, looking at anything else in the room but
Erwin, and stood up to bolt outside before he could even stop him.
After that, Erwin fully realized that his interest in the boy had turned into
something else. He couldn’t deny it, not when he lay awake for nights
afterward, remembering what Levi’s slim fingers had felt like digging into the
flesh of his thigh. It wasn’t uncommon, he supposed, for feelings of friendship
to turn into something romantic or sexual. But no matter how sure he was that
the constant déjà vu he felt while he was around Levi wasn’t normal - he was
still 15, and he was still Erwin’s student.
It wasn’t right, not by any means, and he hated himself for even thinking it.
He felt like nothing less than a deplorable person for looking at Levi in that
way, telling himself that he was depraved, unhealthy, and not to mention,
selfish. His guilt got all the worse when even after trying to discuss what
happened with Levi he was rebuffed, told that his hand had just slipped and
it’d been an accident, and it became apparent that he wasn’t going to be able
to keep him away. It ate him up so much inside that after a few months he
considered quitting - because with feelings like that for one of his students,
was he even really fit to teach? - but ironically enough, it was Levi who
convinced him not to.
Somehow he’d found out Erwin had been discussing his resignation with the
principal, whether he’d overheard them talking or saw a note about it on his
desk, and came into his classroom after school one day in a flurry, shutting
the door loudly behind him and stopping in front of Erwin’s desk.
“Erwin.” He’d started - because no matter how many times Erwin scolded him,
Levi refused to call him Mr. Smith, stating that it didn’t feel right - after
giving him an angry look. “You can’t quit.”
“What? Who told you I was going to quit?” Erwin said, drawing his brows in
concern and trying to subtly cover up the letter on his desk that did, in fact,
discuss his plans to resign.
“Who gives a shit, but you can’t. You’re my teacher.”
Erwin smiled at him softly. “Levi, I’m only going to be your teacher for a few
more months. Next year you’ll have new teachers.”
“But you’re the only one who helps me. Everyone else here thinks I’m stupid.”
“That’s not true. Have you-”
“It is true.” Levi interrupted, clenching his fists at his sides, his face
twisting into a scowl that made Erwin’s eyes widen. This was perhaps the
biggest outburst he had ever seen from him, save what happened when he’d bolted
after grabbing Erwin’s leg. “Its always been like this, you don’t fucking get
it. The other teachers don’t like me. They think I’m worthless because I’m poor
and that I’m a bad kid. When I asked questions they ignored me and told me I
needed to try to figure it out by myself. You were the only one who gave enough
of a shit to help.”
Erwin listened to him, a sad sort of feeling washing over him at Levi’s words
at his circumstances, but also that at 15, he was already having to experience
things like this and was astute enough to figure it out. Despite what Levi
claimed, though, he did get what he meant, even if he was ashamed to admit that
it had never occurred to him until now.
From their after school sessions, Erwin had learned that Levi’s mother was dead
and his father had never been in the picture. He lived in the part of town that
was rife with crime and poverty with his alcoholic, gambling uncle who was
almost never at home. He basically took care of himself with what little money
he was given to live on, and it was common for students like him to be easily
overlooked. It was because the teachers assumed he would just be a problem,
disobedient and unwilling to do his work, and therefore, a waste of time to
help. Many students in similar positions did fail - not because of their own
faults, but because they didn't get the help and attention they needed. Erwin
did not doubt that Levi was telling the truth, except, it was just-
"Some of that stuff you knew how to do, though, Levi. But you came in here
anyway." Erwin said gently, careful with his tone because he didn't want to
upset Levi anymore than he already was.
That was true too, Erwin knew, whether Levi was going to admit it or not.
Which, apparently, he was, although in a way that nearly broke Erwin's heart.
He was quiet for a minute, looking as if he might argue, but then his scowl
turned even deeper and he ducked his head down, looking away. "So you're
quitting because of me then, right?"
"What? Why would I quit because of you?" Erwin said, a sinking feeling
developing in his chest because somehow, he knew what Levi was about to say.
"Because of-" Levi started, chewing on his lip, a bright red flush starting to
develop over his cheeks. "Because of when I touched your leg."
Erwin spoke immediately, his heart clenching in his chest at the thought of
Levi blaming himself for all this.
"Levi, listen to me. None of this is your fault, it's mine. I acted
irresponsibly with you when I should have known better. You're just a kid, but
I'm an adult, and I never should have let any of this get so far. You're just
confused, because of what happened before."
"Wait." Levi said quietly, looking up at him again. When their eyes met, Erwin
could see that he looked like he was about to cry, with sparkling, unshed tears
inside the corners of his eyes. "Before? Does that mean you know?"
"Know what?"
Levi gaped at him and then sniffed, wiping his eyes before he shook his head in
frustration. "Never mind. Forget it."
He moved like he was about to leave, but Erwin stopped him, standing up from
behind his desk suddenly to look down at him.
"Levi, please tell me what you mean." He said firmly, because for some reason,
even though he'd just been talking about Levi touching his leg, he had a
feeling that what he was about to say would be important.
Levi stopped and stared at the ground, blinking away a fresh round of tears
before he bit his lip, thinking. After a few seconds he apparently came to a
decision, because he sighed, looking up at Erwin from the side.
"I have dreams about you." He said, face and ears reddening again. "You're not
the same, but it's still you. And I'm there but I'm not the same either, and
we...you-"
He trailed off there for a moment, his eyes wide as if he was remembering the
dreams he mentioned and what he was leaving unsaid.
"I had them before I met you. It doesn't make any sense, but that's why you
can't quit, you can't. Please." At that, Levi's voice broke, the tears in his
eyes finally spilling over and rolling down his cheeks from what was likely
frustration and confusion, and Erwin had to fight the urge to get up and wrap
his arms around him.
It was strange, though, what Levi said - explaining how he'd had dreams about
Erwin or someone like him before they’d even met. It reminded him of the sense
of familiarity he experienced when they were together, or that he got sometimes
from even just looking at him. It was strong and had never let up, not even
after all this time, and even if it was just some strange phenomenon it didn’t
explain the way he was drawn to him, to the point now that being around him
just felt right somehow. It all didn’t seem normal, and it made Erwin think.
When he was a boy, he had read a book about reincarnation that he’d found in
his father’s study. It was a story about two lovers, who had lived a tragic
life and then, upon both of their deaths, been reborn again in a different
world. Eventually they’d found each other again, and although they hadn’t
realized it at first, the story ended with the pair regaining their memories
from their previous life and living happily ever after.
It was a good story, one that he’d read several times up until his father
caught him with it. Normally glad to fuel his son’s curiosity, this time he
took the book away from him, telling him that it was silly and one that he
shouldn’t entertain because it wasn’t real. When he thought back on it, his
father’s behavior had been odd, but in the end it hadn’t mattered much until
now.
Not until he’d thought of it again after Levi was assigned to his class,
anyway, and wondered if that would explain the sense of familiarity he felt
from him, the déjà vu, and the feeling that he’d known him before despite
having never met him in his entire life. In this life, anyway, he considered,
before telling himself that he was crazy and that his father was right - the
reincarnation book had just been a story. Hadn't it?
It was easy to disregard it when he thought it was just him, but after hearing
about Levi’s dreams, could both of them experiencing strange things like this
really be a coincidence? Could it really be possible that they had lived a
previous life as friends or even more, and had been reincarnated after their
deaths?
Either way, there was no time to think about it right now. Levi was upset,
embarrassed from having to admit to Erwin he’d dreamed about him, and confused
about something neither one of them understood. Asking him questions or
bringing this up wasn’t going to help that, so for now, he decided to try to
make him feel better about the main issue at hand.
“Levi, I’ll-” He started, speaking slowly, glancing out the window at where it
was pouring down rain.
He was about to say he’d consider not quitting, because if this was the case,
if they really were living a second life or something like that, then what he
felt wasn’t completely his fault, right? But he wasn’t sure, and it seemed
wrong to get Levi’s hopes up like that, so he stopped himself and started over.
“Even if I do quit, I’m not going to disappear if that’s what you’re afraid of.
If you ever need help with anything at all, whether its school related or not,
you can always come to me, okay? Just because I’m not at school doesn’t mean I
wouldn’t help you, but I’m just not sure I should be teaching anymore. Do you
understand?”
While he was speaking, Levi’s face had twisted into an expression of
frustration and disappointment, but after a moment of silence when Erwin was
finished, he set his jaw and nodded stiffly.
“Everything will be alright. Do you want me to drive you home now? Its getting
late.”
Levi had refused to look at him while he was talking before, but at that offer,
he glanced up, his still watery eyes wide and his lips parting slightly. Erwin
only asked because it was pouring outside, and after everything they’d just
discussed, he didn’t have the heart to make him walk home alone in the rain.
Another bad idea, perhaps, but he couldn’t stop himself from caring about him,
no matter how much he tried.
Levi was mostly silent on the way home except to give Erwin directions to his
house - a tiny, broken down thing sandwiched between older apartment buildings.
When they pulled up next to the curb, Erwin cleared his throat, turning when
Levi made no move to get out of the vehicle.
“Ah, Levi, do you need anything else?”
Levi’s response was to turn, lurching forward suddenly to throw his arms around
Erwin’s middle in a tight hug. Before he knew it, Levi’s face was buried in his
chest, and he froze, looking down at him in surprise before he gently wrapped
his own arms around him.
He couldn’t help it, he couldn’t deny Levi comfort when he so obviously needed
it, and when his small body felt so warm clinging to him like this. Levi was
squeezing him tightly like he didn’t want to let go, his fingers digging into
the back of his jacket. Erwin could feel him breathing, could smell the shampoo
coming off of his hair, and beneath that, a clean, fresh scent that caused him
to be struck with a semblance of recollection so strong that it almost made him
dizzy.
The smell was familiar somehow - he knew it, knew automatically that it was
Levi’s natural scent without having ever sensed it before. His shock had caused
him to tighten his arms around Levi’s back before he could stop himself, and it
seemed to make Levi aware of what he was doing. He jerked back and away from
him to grab his bookbag, averting his gaze in the hopes that Erwin wouldn’t see
the blush that had lit up his face again. He mumbled a goodbye and opened the
door to practically throw himself out of the car, closing it before Erwin could
say anything and bolting up the sidewalk to his house.
That night, Erwin dreamt about him.
Or rather, a different version of him, one that was obviously much older if the
tiny wrinkles in the corners of his eyes were anything to go by. They were
hugging like they had been in the car and Erwin could smell him again - the
same exact scent he’d sensed that afternoon - but this time, the embrace didn’t
end with Levi fleeing the scene:
“Just don’t get fucking eaten, alright? I don’t want to have to deal with
shitty glasses' wailing if you don’t come back.” Levi said, frowning. He was
wearing a black jacket - his jacket - and pants, and reached up to straighten
the green cloak Erwin was wearing.
His gear was heavy around his waist and hips, a weighted reminder of where he
was going and what he was doing, and that while he wore it, Levi did not. Levi,
who he could always trust to be at his side, was not going outside of the walls
with him this time. It wasn’t his fault, of course, his leg was injured, and as
much as he pretended he wasn’t, Erwin could tell he was worried.
“I won’t.” He chuckled, raising a hand to cup Levi’s cheek.
“Erwin.” Levi said then, his brows drawing as he looked up at him. “I mean it.”
“I know.” Erwin swallowed.
He felt something inside, something warm that twisted his gut painfully at the
same time. He didn’t have time to think about it though, because he had to
leave. With every second that he stayed here, they were running out of time and
risked the chance of losing Eren Jaeger forever. So with that whispered in
explanation, Levi nodded in understanding, rising up on his tiptoes to press
their lips together.
Erwin embraced him tightly, kissing him back in a desperate, ardent way that
was so different from the quiet words and restrained touches they’d shared only
seconds ago. It was like everything he felt, everything he wanted to say but
couldn’t was pouring out in the way that he held him with both his arms and
kissed him, as if it was the very last time he might be able to do so.
With that thought, Erwin awoke suddenly, sitting up with a start and gasping
for breath. His eyes were wide and his heart was pounding in his ears, and he
reached up to press his fingers to his mouth because his lips were tingling, as
if he could still feel Levi’s mouth moving against his own. Everything had felt
so real, more vivid and detailed than any other dream he’d ever had before. The
feelings and the things he knew and said - like Eren Jaeger, who the hell was
that? - all seemed so familiar to him it was as if they had just happened
yesterday.
Levi, especially, and what he felt for him had been more lucid than the
confusing thoughts he had about him in this life. Levi, who in his dream had
not been a student, but had been older and his most trusted companion, and
someone whom he had loved.
In that moment, Erwin knew that the thoughts he’d been entertaining about
reincarnation - up until now only treated as a whimsical fancy - were true. He
was sure of it now beyond any reasonable doubt, because there was absolutely
nothing else he could think of to explain what was happening.
And hadn’t Levi said he had dreams about him too? He didn’t know how often, but
if they were anything like that, Erwin understood clearly why he had been so
upset that afternoon, why he had hugged him in the car - looking for comfort in
a place that only seemed natural to him. Most importantly, though, Erwin now
understood why Levi had grabbed his thigh.
They had a relationship in their previous life, one that was obviously sexual
and romantic, whether the unsaid declarations of love rattling around in
Erwin’s head while they kissed were anything to go by, and whether they had
wanted to admit it or not.
Poor Levi. He thought, running a hand through his hair. He was only 15, much
too young to be burdened with something like this. He had enough to deal with
already with his home life, but this too? Who knew how long he’d been having
the dreams either - why did he get stuck with that, when Erwin hadn’t even had
one his entire life until now?
He had to have been terribly confused and distraught, and with all of these
thoughts in mind, Erwin knew that he couldn’t quit teaching. He couldn’t leave
Levi to deal with this alone, not that he would actually disappear like he’d
told him, but he wanted to be there for him all the time, as much as he could.
It was odd, but he felt almost relieved to finally understand all of his
feelings, or at least, why he felt them, why he cared about a boy he thought he
had never met in so many different ways. It made him feel less guilty and
confused about why he felt less than innocent intentions towards him too, but
that still didn’t make it okay, and it was the reason why Erwin waited so long
to talk to Levi about it.
“That makes sense.” Levi said after Erwin had explained his reincarnation
theory, his voice muffled from around a mouthful of pizza.
Erwin had decided that they needed to talk about it, of course, but his
classroom was probably not the best setting, so he’d offered to take Levi out
to a pizza place after school one day. Telling him about the reincarnation was
the easy part, but that wasn’t the only thing they had to discuss. Admitting to
that was basically admitting that he knew everything else, too - that they’d
been close before, that they’d had a relationship and that they’d had sex - and
although it might be uncomfortable to discuss, he wanted to make sure it was
clear to Levi that it wasn’t going to be like that now.
“Yes, it does.” Erwin said, pausing and staring down at his own slice of pizza,
trying to figure out how best to bring the other issue up. He sighed, then
swallowed, flicking his eyes up to look at Levi. “Levi, you mentioned having
dreams. Well, I’ve had one too. Just one, though.”
Levi stopped eating, his eyes going a bit wide as he stared at him. “What
happened in it?”
“I thought you might ask that.” Erwin chuckled despite himself, before
summarizing it as best he could. “You were saying goodbye to me. I was
going...outside some kind of wall. A boy had been kidnapped and you were
injured. Something happened to your leg."
“Yeah? I’ve had that dream too. You came back with only one arm. Its because I
wasn’t with you.”
Erwin’s eyebrows raised slightly, surprised at both Levi’s words and the way he
spoke about it, completely matter-of-fact as if he knew for sure and it didn’t
phase him, nonchalant except for the way he scowled like it troubled him and
looked away.
“Well, I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.” Erwin said, unsure of how he should
react other than to reassure Levi.
Levi shrugged and then bit his lip, sliding his eyes back over to look at Erwin
shyly. “You left out the part where we kissed.”
“Yes.” Erwin admitted immediately, trying to ignore the warmth that blossomed
in his chest at the way Levi looked at him.
It was...well, it was endearing, and cute if he was being honest, but
completely different from the more forward, confidant way he had acted in
Erwin’s dream. It was his age, Erwin knew, and another reminder of his level of
innocence compared to what he must have been like when they were together in
their past lives.
“Yes, I did. Because its not relevant to our current situation.”
“What do you mean? Are you not gay in this life, or something?” Levi asked,
frowning deeply again, his expression one of growing concern.
“I’m bisexual, Levi.” Erwin stated. He might have been amused, but right now,
he was too busy chewing on his words, trying to make sure he said the right
thing. “We don’t have that kind of relationship now. We can’t have that kind of
relationship now. You understand that, don’t you?”
“Not really. That sounds like bullshit.”
“Its not bullshit. I’m 15 years older than you, Levi. You’re my student and a
teenager. It wouldn’t be appropriate, much less legal, and-”
“Who cares, Erwin? It’s not like I’m just some stupid, random fucking kid. Its
different, and its not my fault I got stuck like this while you’re an adult.
You weren’t my teacher before, and you said all that shit to me about
reincarnation so you believe it, don’t you?”
Erwin paused again, finding this a lot harder than he’d thought it was going to
be. He couldn’t deny that he wanted Levi too, of course, especially not when
Levi was sitting in front of him, basically telling him that he wanted a sexual
relationship. He was on the verge of getting visibly agitated again too, and
every fiber of Erwin’s being was screaming at him to take him into his arms, to
kiss and hug him in an attempt to comfort. He knew he couldn’t, but fighting it
was neither easy nor fun.
“Yes.” Erwin said, trying to speak slowly and calmly. “I do believe it, all of
it. I know its unfair how it turned out, but if we did those things, it...well,
it would be selfish of me. Like I was taking advantage. You’re too young, like
I said, and just because you think you know what you want right now doesn’t
mean that its whats best for you. For all I know, you would regret it and
wished you had found someone your own age.”
“I don’t want someone my own age! I don’t even want another person, I-” Levi
had started off loudly but then stopped himself mid-sentence before he could
finish, his mouth hanging open and ears suddenly reddening. Then he closed it
and sat back, as if he’d just realized something defeating, and looked down
into his lap. "Does that mean you don't want to be with me?"
"No." Erwin answered before he could help himself, knowing that he probably
shouldn't admit it, but unable to stand the thought of Levi thinking that.
"That's not it. It's not you, I promise."
"Tch." Levi said, still frowning in the direction of his lap. He paused for a
moment before shaking his head. "You’re just the same. You’re just the same as
you were then. You’re a bastard, and you think you’re selfish but you’re not.
All it does is just fuck up everything else.”
“I’m sorry.” Was all Erwin could think of to say. He hadn’t the faintest idea
of what Levi was talking about, and felt strange knowing less about his former
self than Levi apparently did. "This doesn't mean we can't spend time together,
though. That isn't what I want. I want to see you, Levi, and I decided not to
resign from teaching, so you'll still see me there, too. Alright?"
That got Levi to meet Erwin's eyes again, although he didn't lift his head.
There was still a dejected look on his face, an expression that tugged at
Erwin's heartstrings and caused him to voice the one thought that he had been
determined to keep to himself.
"And maybe when you're 18, if you still want that, I'll reconsider it."
Levi's mouth dropped open at that, apparently caught off guard and unable to
respond despite the argument he'd been putting up earlier. Instead, his cheeks
just lit up, and Erwin had to clear his throat and look away so he wouldn't say
anything else he might regret.
After that, Levi accepted what he had said - or at least, he seemed too at
first. He’d hoped that Levi might eventually distance himself, might outgrow
what he felt for him or find someone his own age, like he’d said. Or at least,
he wanted to give Levi a chance to do so, whether he actually wanted it to
happen or not. Either way, he had no such luck, because in promising that they
could still see each other Erwin had created a conundrum for himself. And when
he thought about it, he supposed he should not have been surprised that in the
end Levi wasn’t going to make any of this easy of him.
They started spending more time together outside of school, especially after
Levi moved onto the next grade and wasn’t in his class anymore. Erwin had
always felt bad about his home situation, and started treating him to dinner
occasionally, usually at his house where they would either cook or pick
something up from a restaurant. Sometimes on the weekends he would take him to
a movie or a sporting event - anywhere just to get him out of his house and so
that they could spend some time together.
Of course, though, with the way they were drawn to each other, it didn’t take
long for a once a week visit to Erwin’s house to turn into Levi coming over
almost every night after school, whether it was to eat or because he needed
help with his homework, or to just stick around to watch television while Erwin
graded papers.
He didn’t mind the company as long as it stayed innocent, which it did - at
first. But Levi was 16 now, a teenager at the age where his hormones were at
their highest. Erwin had no doubt what was running through his mind half the
time, so he tried his best to keep his distance physically whenever they were
together. Levi, though, was slowly outgrowing the shy demeanor he’d exhibited
at times around him and did no such thing, especially the closer he got to him.
Erwin remembered how he’d stuttered and bolted out of the room when he’d
grabbed his thigh before, but now he wasn’t afraid to brush up against him when
they were alone, to swipe his fingers across Erwin’s when he reached for
something or to shove his foot beside his under the table. He’d grab his hand
when he wanted something - not his arm or his wrist - and would always, always
sit next to Erwin on the couch as close as he could, even going so far as to
inch his thigh over until they were touching sometimes.
He wondered how much of it was done on purpose versus how much of it was some
kind of automatic response based on memories. He was willing to give Levi the
benefit of the doubt, because he had to stop himself nearly every time they
were together from wrapping an arm around him, kissing his cheek, or touching
his hair - actions that seemed to be almost like a built in instinct leftover
from his previous life. But whenever Levi touched him and Erwin jerked away,
Levi didn't act embarrassed or sorry like he hadn't meant to do it. Instead, he
would just glance at him boldly or just act like it hadn't happened, as if he’d
meant to do it and was gauging his reaction.
It was hard, because Erwin didn't have the heart to tell him to stop when he
wasn't trying to kiss him or anything like that, and because he couldn't help
but savor the minimal contact even though he shouldn't. Each warm brush of
Levi's fingers on his skin, each press of his small thigh against his own stuck
with him for days, made him think about how his fingers would feel rubbing
underneath his clothing or how his thighs would look bare and spread apart
beneath him instead.
He found himself appreciating the way he looked, too, the inky, shiny blackness
of his hair and his pale skin - smooth and soft looking, and free of blemishes
unlike most of his peers. His heavy lidded eyes gave him an apathetic gaze more
often than not, but sometimes Erwin thought it made him look alluring in an odd
way, so much so that he found himself captivated every time Levi turned that
glance upon him.
He had a small mouth with full lips, lips that were red more than half the time
from how often Levi bit them. It was his mouth that Erwin found himself staring
at the most, catching a glimpse of the tip of his pink tongue darting out to
wet the outside of it every so often. When he saw it, he couldn't help but
imagine what it might feel like sliding up his cock, or how his bitten and
bruised lips would look like stretched around it.
These were thoughts that he couldn’t help but have, not with the dreams that
had kept coming after the first one. Still though, Erwin had only had a handful
compared to Levi, who he learned had them almost every night, but the ones he
did have were intense and powerful, and so real that sometimes he woke up
thinking he was still in that world and found himself confused when Levi was
gone.
He’d had a calm, short one where he’d woken up in the morning with Levi curled
around him, feeling content and happy to hold him in his arms until he’d
peppered his face with kisses to wake him up. He had another one where they
were talking quietly in what was apparently his office, about the same Eren
Jaeger boy from his first dream and making plans for what to do at his trial.
He had one without Levi, where he was chained up in a prison cell and missing
an arm - confirming his theory even more, in his opinion, because it matched up
with what Levi had told him - and then another where he was on his knees in the
rain while Levi held a sword to his throat.
They were all scenes of a life that he’d lived, very different from the one he
was in now but that he could barely remember. All he knew was that they’d been
in the military, fighting against some type of monsters, and even though he
only saw glimpses of it, it was obvious that the world they were in now was
much better. From what he had dreamed nothing seemed to be the same, except for
the fact that Levi was very important to him, that he cared about him and
wanted to be with him so he could hold him and kiss him and-
For all his self control while he was awake, Erwin couldn’t stop what came to
him in his dreams. He couldn’t stop the vision he had one night of the two of
them in bed, of Levi naked and sitting astride his lap. He was riding him
roughly, holding onto his shoulders and moving himself up and down his cock,
his moans and cries becoming louder and more unrestrained until he jerked off
and came messily all over his stomach, and until Erwin finally woke up with a
sharp gasp, hard, aching, and with his entire body completely drenched in
sweat.
He was unable to get the image of Levi’s naked flushed skin out of his head for
weeks afterward, not to mention the way his muscles had rippled underneath it
while he’d lifted himself up and down. It was the first thing he thought of
when he saw Levi again, but of course, this Levi was different - fresh-faced
and youthful, and lacking the thick, defined muscles that he’d had in his other
life. This Levi was smaller and thinner with the lean body of a teenage boy, a
body which Erwin couldn’t help but imagine in vivid detail naked and on top of
him like his former self had been in his dream.
Even after all of that he still managed to keep himself in check though,
despite the fact that Levi showed no signs of stopping his little game. It was
like he was trying to see how far he could push Erwin, to see just how much and
what he could get away with. The semi-innocent finger brushing and footsie
turned into Levi trying to lean against Erwin on the couch, licking his lips
purposely when he caught Erwin looking, or lying on the floor while watching
television and letting his shirt ride up to expose his stomach. He never
bothered to fix it, and Erwin always found himself struggling not to stare at
the glimpses of pale, smooth skin he saw before Levi caught him.
Levi got even bolder than that, too. There was an incident where he was
supposed to come over one night but got there early while Erwin was in the
shower. He’d walked out of his bedroom to get something when he was done, only
to freeze when he saw Levi sprawled out in a chair playing with his phone,
wearing a hoodie with his leg thrown over the side and looking every inch like
the teenage boy that he was. Luckily or unluckily - he wasn’t sure - Erwin was
wearing a towel around his waist, but that was it, and Levi’s gaze latched onto
him sharply as soon as he stepped foot into the room.
“Levi!” Erwin blurted, surprised to see him. “How did you get in here?”
Levi didn’t answer at first because he was too busy staring at him with his
mouth nearly hanging open, his eyes wide and his entire body frozen in place.
Then he swallowed, slowly lowering his phone from where he’d been holding it
out in front of him to speak. “There was a spare key under the flowerpot by
your door, idiot.”
Erwin sighed loudly, shaking his head before he retreated back into his bedroom
at top speed to put some clothes on. When he came back out, Levi had locked
himself in the guest bathroom down the hall. Apparently his hormones had gotten
the better of him, because it was twenty minutes before he came out again, his
face pink and his pants rumpled. It was obvious what he’d been doing in there,
but its not like he was trying to hide it, either.
He walked across the room in front of Erwin and practically flopped into the
chair bonelessly, looking him right in the eye when Erwin couldn’t take his
gaze off him. He was struggling not to think about Levi’s hand sliding over his
cock and trying to muffle his moans, the thought of him jerking off right down
the hall from him nearly giving him a hard-on himself. Levi seemed to know it,
too, because he bit his lip and didn’t take his eyes off him, spreading his
legs in the chair until Erwin forced himself to look away.
Another time, they’d been watching a movie after dinner. Erwin had a habit of
falling asleep on the couch sometimes, and he drifted off about halfway
through. When he woke up, the DVD menu was playing on repeat on the screen
because the movie was over, and Levi - who had been watching in another chair -
was lying with his head in his lap now, fast asleep with his arm thrown over
both his thighs.
He obviously had come and laid down while Erwin was asleep, and he chided
himself for not waking up. But he was awake now, so what Erwin needed to do was
get Levi up and off of him. Only, he was a bit distracted at not only how,
well, relaxed and peaceful Levi looked, but also at how his face was inches
away from where his cock was resting between his legs. His cock, which was
defying all of his commands to stay calm and was rapidly hardening in his
pants.
With that realization, he forced himself to shift, bringing a hand down on
Levi’s back to gently shake him. He should have just shoved him aside and
bolted off the couch, but he didn’t want to startle him. It was a mistake,
though, because as soon as he touched Levi he woke up, stirring and opening his
eyes. They were lidded and heavy from sleep, Erwin noticed, his skin flushed
and warm looking too. Instead of moving away, of course, he just blinked,
stretching as soon as he remembered where he was and turning his head to press
his face against Erwin’s lap.
Erwin heard him take a breath, freezing as at the same time, Levi moved his arm
to slide a hand up the inside of his thigh. A second later and his palm was
pressed down firmly over his dick, and Levi’s head shot up just as Erwin
finally found the resolve he needed to jerk himself off the couch.
“Levi, stop it.” He said upon standing up, looking down at where he was still
sprawled on the couch, his shirt bunched up around his middle. His eyes were
wide and he was blushing as he looked up to meet Erwin’s gaze, but he was
apparently not as embarrassed as he looked.
“Your dick is hard.” He mumbled, licking his parted lips and focusing his eyes
on Erwin’s crotch.
“Get your things. I should’ve taken you home an hour ago.”
With that, he stalked off to the bathroom to splash some water on his face,
willing his body to calm down after what had just happened. A few minutes later
and they were in Erwin’s car, riding in silence towards Levi’s house.
Erwin felt tense, wound up and growing increasingly angry. Apparently his vast
patience with all of this had finally reached his limit, although he wasn’t
entirely sure he had a right to be irritated about this specific incident. He
had been the one to carelessly fall asleep, to fail to wake up when Levi had
crawled onto his lap. When he had woken up, he hadn’t moved immediately like he
should have. He was the adult, not Levi, and it was his responsibility to act
like one and keep things under control.
Still, though, that didn’t excuse every other thing Levi did - the touches, the
purposeful lingering looks, the way he bared glimpses of his skin in front of
Erwin. He couldn’t keep doing it, Erwin thought, and by the time they pulled up
at his house, Erwin had made a decision.
“Levi.” He said sternly, looking over at him. “If you can’t behave, we’re not
going to be able to spend time together anymore.”
“What are you talking about?” Levi said, shooting him a disdainful look.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about. Don’t make me say it. I know its been
awhile since we first discussed this. Maybe I need to remind you: we can’t have
a relationship like you seem to want, we-”
“Do you know how many dreams I’ve had where you’re fucking me in the ass?” Levi
interrupted, murmuring the question quietly like they were talking about
something completely normal. It caught Erwin off guard, though, and he raised
his eyebrows, giving Levi the opportunity to continue. “Yeah. You liked to bend
me over and eat me out, too. I’ve had a dream where your face was in my ass for
hours. You did it until I was begging, and then you held me down and fucked me
so hard on the bed I couldn’t even move.”
“Levi-”
“You liked to make me beg. But you didn’t mind when I pushed you down onto a
chair and fucked myself on your cock, either. You let me do whatever I wanted
with you, but when I was done, you always flipped me over and rammed it into me
until-”
“Levi, enough.” Erwin snapped, loud enough to make him stop this time. His
voice sounded strained to his own ears, and his blood was boiling with
frustration, anger, and of course, arousal from the things Levi had just
described.
The truth was, he desired nothing more than to give Levi what he wanted, to get
him down onto a bed and fuck him until every last ounce of his stubborn
attitude had melted away. He wanted to do all the things Levi had mentioned
just now, and more than that, but they couldn’t. It was unfair and frustrating
and difficult, yes, but that’s the way it was, and Levi was going to have to
accept it.
“I’m sorry this happened to us. I’m sorry you’re the one stuck with these
dreams. You don’t deserve it, and I wish you weren’t weighed down like this.
But it still doesn’t change anything. I know you understand that, and I don’t
think I’m being unreasonable when I tell you to stop, Levi.”
“Whatever, old man.” Levi said, rolling his eyes. He grabbed his bag and shoved
his phone into the pocket of his jacket, reaching to get out of the car. “I’m
17 now and I’m not going anywhere. All I have to do is wait one more year, and
then I’ll be 18. And you won’t be able to use any of these bullshit excuses
anymore.”
With that, he exited the car, slamming the door loudly behind him. Erwin
watched him stalk up his sidewalk, feeling exasperated, and ran an irritated
hand through his hair. That had gone the opposite of how he’d wanted it to, he
thought, finally driving away. Levi had seemed to let everything he said roll
right off his shoulders, taking none of it in and leaving Erwin with a sinking
feeling in his chest that told him Levi wasn’t going to stop.
Surprisingly, though, he did. The next few times they saw each other, he
behaved himself perfectly, and slowly over the next few months Erwin began to
see less and less of him. He stopped asking to come over when Erwin didn’t
invite him, and even cancelled on their dinner nights a few times, saying he
had other plans. At first, Erwin was concerned, but then he saw him after
school one day with a few other kids, and realized he must have finally found
some friends. The sight filled him with happiness and relief, but also deep
down inside, a bit of jealousy too.
He had gotten used to having Levi around and missed his company already. He
cared about him, of course, and even if they didn’t have the same type of
relationship as they’d had before, Levi had become incredibly important to him.
Looking back on it, the past two years or so since he’d found him again had, in
general, been some of the happiest days of his life.
All of these thoughts, though, were selfish, so he squashed them down. This was
what he had hoped for, right? For Levi to move on, to have a chance to choose
what he wanted? After all, he was younger, and had his whole life ahead of him.
Regardless of how he felt, Erwin would never wish for him to be burdened with a
future that he had no control over. This was what was best for him, so despite
the ache in his chest that he got from thinking about losing him, despite the
growing loneliness he felt as he saw Levi less and less, he let him go, and
accepted it.
However, it seemed he was wrong about Levi having moved on. It was only a month
later - two weeks after they’d last seen each other outside of school - when
Erwin got a call in the middle of the night. He was dead asleep, dreaming not
about his past life, but about devouring a chocolate cake, or something or the
other, when he awoke suddenly to the sound of his phone vibrating wildly on the
table next to his bed.
He squinted at it to see that it was Levi and that it was also 1:39 AM, and had
a sudden flash of fear that something was wrong.
“Levi. Are you alright?” He mumbled after answering, rubbing at his eyes.
“Why did you move your spare key?” Levi blurted immediately.
His voice sounded thick and shaky like it did when he was upset, but Erwin was
still not sure what he meant or what was going on.
He sat up, his stomach clenching in concern, and switched the phone to his
other ear. “What? What’s going on, Levi?”
“I’m outside your house, you idiot! Let me in.”
Levi spat the words in a rough tone as Erwin jumped out of bed, hanging up the
phone and pulling on a t-shirt and pajama pants over his underwear as quickly
as he could. He made his way to the door and looked out the window, and sure
enough, there was Levi, standing on his porch with a hoodie pulled over his
head and dressed in flannel pants.
“Levi, did you walk here?” Erwin asked as soon as he unlocked and opened the
door.
Levi lived on the other side of town, and it would have been quite a hike, not
to mention unsafe in the middle of the night.
Levi didn’t respond, though. Instead, as soon as the door opened to reveal
Erwin he stepped forward, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. He’d
practically thrown himself at his chest, causing Erwin to catch him out of
instinct, steadying him and freezing in shock for a moment. Something was
obviously wrong for Levi to be at his house at this hour, especially since he
was acting like this.
Pulling him inside a second later and shutting the door so no one would see,
Erwin hugged him back, gently placing his hands on Levi’s back and looking down
at him.
“Levi.” He murmured softly. “What’s wrong?”
“I had a dream, a new one.” Levi answered, his words muffled against Erwin’s
chest.
“A dream? You had a nightmare?” Erwin asked, although he was sure that it
wasn’t just any type of nightmare, and he was right.
Levi was quiet for another minute as if he was remembering it, clutching at
Erwin so tightly he could barely breathe. That was when Erwin noticed he was
trembling, and he frowned, his heart aching in his chest at how visibly
distressed he was.
“About you.” Levi said next, his voice tight. “You died. Right in front of me
and I tried to save you but I couldn’t. You got eaten and there was fucking
blood everywhere, and your head fell out of its mouth and-”
Levi stopped after that, apparently not able to keep talking, and swallowed
loudly. He wasn’t crying, as best as Erwin could tell, but he was shaking,
gripping the fabric of his shirt in his fists, and obviously full of anxiety.
He could hear him trying to control his breathing, could feel the way he gasped
for air against his chest, and for a moment worried that he was going to have a
panic attack.
“Levi, its alright.” He spoke then, sliding a hand up to cup the back of his
head. He wanted to tell him that it wasn’t real, that it was just a dream, but
they both knew at this point that wasn’t true. “I’m here now. I’m not dead, and
I’m safe. We’re both safe in this world, and that’s not going to happen again.
I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere, so it doesn’t matter, okay?”
As he spoke, he could feel Levi relax a little, apparently calmed by the sound
of his voice. His grip loosened and his breathing steadied, and when Erwin was
done, he was quiet for a minute before nodding.
“I know.” He mumbled, looking up at him. Although he seemed less on the verge
of panic now, his eyes were still wider than Erwin had ever seen them, a look
of anguish on his face that Erwin wished more than ever he could kiss away. “I
just - I wanted to make sure.”
“I understand.” Erwin said, unable to stop himself from pulling Levi back
against his chest. He wished Levi had called him instead of walking all the way
here in the dark - because what if something had happened to him? - but he
understood, like he’d said. He couldn’t imagine how he would feel if he had a
similar dream about Levi, knowing without a doubt that even though they were in
a different life now, that was something that had actually happened to him.
So Erwin didn’t chastise him, didn’t pull away when Levi pressed his face into
his chest once more and inhaled. He needed the comfort, and Erwin couldn’t deny
him that, letting him stay like that for as long as he wanted until he finally
pulled away.
“Erwin.” He said quietly, biting his lip. “Can I stay here?”
Erwin’s first instinct was to say no, but considering the events of the night
and how late it was, he couldn’t do that either.
“Alright.” He answered, looking behind him at the empty couch where Levi would
be sleeping. “I’ll get you some blankets, and-”
When he turned back around, Levi was gone, having practically power-walked his
way out of the room and down the hall towards Erwin’s bedroom. Was he…? Did he
really think that was where he was going to be sleeping?
“Levi!” Erwin blurted, following him as fast as he could. By the time he’d
caught up, however, Levi was already crawling onto his bed, his hoodie pulled
off and discarded onto the floor. “Levi, you aren’t sleeping in my bed.”
Levi ignored him, working his way under the covers and jerking them up to his
chin, getting comfortable against the pillow before he finally shifted his gaze
over to Erwin.
“Get the stick out of your ass, old man, I’m not gonna try anything.”
“But the couch-”
“Your couch is lumpy as fuck. Unless you have another bed hiding somewhere, I’m
not moving.”
Erwin sighed, rubbing his forehead and weighing his options. He didn’t have
another bed, unfortunately, and Levi was right - his couch was uncomfortable to
sleep on. If he wasn’t willing to do it, than he couldn’t rightfully expect
Levi to, now could he? He could pull out a sleeping bag and sleep on the floor,
but that would be even worse than the couch, and even though it was Saturday,
he still had work to do tomorrow.
“Are you just gonna stand there, or are you going to get in bed?” Levi mumbled,
interrupting his train of thought. “I wanna sleep.”
“Just-” Erwin started, making his decision. This was highly inappropriate, but
he was tired, and if Levi said he was going to behave then he supposed he could
give him the benefit of the doubt. “Just stay on your side of the bed.”
Levi just grunted in response, burying his head under the covers as Erwin
walked around the other side of the bed and crawled in. He got settled with his
back facing Levi, as far away from him as he could be without hanging off the
mattress. Levi fell asleep within minutes, his deep, even breathing giving him
away, but it took Erwin some time, his mind overflowing with unwanted thoughts
about how he had Levi lying in his bed, not even a few feet away from him.
Eventually, though, he did fall asleep, only to be woken up a few hours later
by something tickling his stomach. There was a soft, wet sensation on his neck,
too, like warm lips moving across his bare skin.
“Mm.” He said because it felt nice, stirring in his still half-asleep state.
A second later and his eyes flew open, though, because he remembered what had
happened, remembered that Levi had come to his house in the middle of the night
and ended up staying in his bed. He’d gone to sleep at first, but now he was
very much awake, pressed against Erwin’s side with his fingers splayed out
underneath his shirt, his face pressed into the crook of his neck where his hot
breath was dancing across Erwin’s skin.
“Levi, stop right now.” He mumbled, shifting to get away, grabbing his hand and
shoving it out from underneath his clothing.
“Erwin.” His tone was breathy, slurred from sleep and so needy and pleading
that it made Erwin freeze.
The sound of it went straight to his cock, arousal flaring tight and hot in his
belly so suddenly that he nearly cursed. Instead of moving, Levi took advantage
of Erwin’s hesitation, throwing his leg over his thighs and pressing himself
against the side of his hip to let him feel the outline of his hard cock. He
shifted his face against his neck and kissed him there, gingerly and a bit
hesitantly like he didn’t know what he was doing, sliding his hand back up
underneath his shirt to caress his stomach and squirm against him.
“Please, Erwin.” Levi begged in the same whiny tone, gasping when he moved
again, this time hard enough to grind himself against Erwin’s side.
“Levi-” Erwin started to tell him to stop once more, but trailed off before he
could finish because Levi had planted a wet kiss on his jaw, this one firmer
and more bold than the first.
The next one landed on the corner of his mouth, and then finally, his lips, and
whatever willpower Erwin had left that he could’ve used to get up had
disappeared. He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, should shove Levi off of him
and get out of the bed, but he couldn’t, not when Levi was this close,
practically lying on top of him and so, so warm. Once he kissed him, Erwin was
gone, lost and unable to stop himself from turning his head and opening his
mouth to respond.
God, he thought, Levi’s lips felt just like they had in his dreams, soft and
pliable and molding against his perfectly, his mouth wet and sweet. He could
smell him, too, the same clean scent from the first time they’d hugged in his
car, invading his nostrils and making him dizzy, nearly overwhelming him with
desire. It lit up something inside him that he could barely control, something
that made him kiss Levi hungrily while he grabbed at him in response, digging
his thin fingers into the sensitive skin of his stomach and rubbing himself
against his side.
Erwin’s pulse was pounding in his ears, and he made a rough sound in his chest
as something finally snapped and he moved, flipping Levi over onto his back to
shove his knee between his legs. He’d grabbed his wrists and pinned them above
his head too, plundering his small mouth with his tongue, and it wasn’t until
Levi arched against him and whimpered that Erwin realized what he was doing.
He stopped, just as suddenly as all of this had started, and jerked away like
he’d been shocked, looking down at Levi with wide eyes. His face was flushed
beneath his tousled hair, his cheeks so rosy they were practically glowing, and
his parted lips were red, wet, and swollen from his kisses. His eyes were
lidded and filled with lust, and even though Erwin was sure it was the most
tempting sight he had ever seen, the reality of what he was doing had finally
hit him.
While he remained frozen in place, though, Levi had not. He stared up at Erwin
with his blown pupils, moving his hips to grind himself against his thigh from
where Erwin was leaning over him. His mouth fell open and he moaned, doing it
again and again and again, slowly at first and then faster until he was
writhing against him and squirming in his grip. It seemed like only seconds
before he got overwhelmed, making little gasping noises and staring up at him,
keeping their eyes locked together until he couldn’t keep his lids open
anymore.
Erwin watched as they were wrenched shut in pleasure, his expression twisting
into something that almost looked pained. He felt Levi rubbing his clothed cock
against his thigh almost frantically, reaching, his hips finally stilling in
mid-air when he suddenly let out a stuttered cry and bit down on his lip. He’d
come in his pants with a shudder, and after a moment he exhaled slowly and
relaxed, opening his eyes to look back up at Erwin again.
The look on his face was soft, vulnerable and unsure, and he didn’t speak. It
gave Erwin the willpower he needed to finally roll off of him, climbing out of
the bed and leaving the room without another word. He left Levi to his own
devices, hoping that he’d just clean himself up and go back to sleep, before
locking himself in the other bathroom to jerk off. He had to, otherwise he’d
never get to sleep again, but he did it as quickly as he could and got no
pleasure out of it because he couldn’t help but feel ashamed.
Why hadn’t he moved? Why had he let Levi kiss him in the first place, and then
done nothing when he’d started rutting against Erwin’s leg? His mind had been
screaming at him to get off him the entire time, that he needed to stop and get
ahold of himself, but it was like he had been hypnotized, entranced by the
sight of Levi squirming beneath him so shamelessly in pleasure.
The way he’d reacted to his own movements had made Erwin’s cock ache, his
breathy moans and the wrecked way in which he’d looked after just a few kisses
and touches. It had all mostly been from Levi just grinding against his leg,
and he couldn’t help but wonder how worked up and loud he could get him if he’d
been touching him more, if he’d been stroking his cock himself, kissing at his
neck or fucking him.
These were the thoughts that kept Erwin up for the nearly the remainder of the
night while he laid on the couch, trying to go back to sleep. He was restless
after what had happened, filled with too much conflicting emotion to relax. He
felt frustrated, horny, and full of guilt for what had happened, and not to
mention angry at himself. For the first time, though, he felt exasperation at
the situation, too, wishing that everything could just be different.
But that train of thought was fruitless, he knew, because there was nothing he
could do to change it. He remembered why Levi had come to him that night in the
first place, and wondered if he was older in this life because he had died
first, apparently in quite a gruesome manner in the mouth of one of those
monsters. Of course, he didn’t know when it had happened or what had ended
Levi’s first life, but it made sense and it wasn’t like he had any other
theories.
Strangely enough, it was around the time this occurred to him that Erwin
finally drifted off to sleep. When he awoke, Levi was gone, the only trace that
he’d ever been there a note he’d scribbled and left lying on Erwin’s chest.
‘Sorry.’ Was all it said, causing a pang of pity to go through him. He hoped
Levi didn’t think he was angry at him, because he wasn’t, but he was utterly at
a loss on where they were supposed to go from here.
He didn’t really have to make any decisions about it though, because Levi kept
his distance even more than before. They talked once afterward over the phone,
because Erwin wanted to make sure Levi knew he wasn’t upset with him, but that
had been it, and three weeks passed before Erwin saw him again even at school.
When he did, though, it was right after class ended, his eyes landing on Levi
standing in the hallway as he let his students out the door, waiting to be let
in. He had a sharp frown on his face and Erwin thought he looked anxious, and
as soon as the last kid exited he practically rushed forward through the door
Erwin was still holding open for him. He shut it behind them and stood in front
of it, watching as Levi strode forward in front of his desk and then turned
around.
“Erwin.” He said, swallowing heavily before he pulled a piece of paper out of
the pocket of his hoodie. “Look.”
He held it out to him and Erwin stepped forward, taking it from his hands to
inspect it. It was a letter from a university a few hours away - Erwin
recognized the name easily - and as he started reading it, he realized it
wasn’t just any letter. It was an acceptance letter, and in addition to that, a
scholarship offer to pay for all his tuition and room and board.
“Levi, this is-” Erwin started, a smile lighting up on his face. “This is
great!”
Erwin looked up from the paper to see Levi staring at him, his eyes wide and
his lips parted like he was awed, like he almost didn’t believe it.
“I forgot I applied. I didn’t think I would even fucking get in, much less-”
Levi mumbled, trailing off and biting his lip.
“Why not? I’m not surprised.” Erwin said, still smiling at him. “You’re very
smart, I’ve told you, when you don’t let yourself get distracted. You’ve always
been a good student. I’m proud of you.”
It was true, he was. He’d never been prouder, he thought, staring down at Levi,
who blushed fiercely at the compliment and looked away. He was pleased that all
the help he’d given Levi over the years had paid off, and glad, because he knew
that without this, Levi would likely have not been able to attend college. Now
he had the opportunity to go, to further his education at what he knew to be a
good university, and Erwin could not be more happy for him.
Only, Levi did not seem to be as overjoyed as Erwin thought he should be. Not
that he ever showed huge amounts of excitement or energy, but he did want this,
didn’t he? He had apparently applied on his own, without any prompting from
Erwin. Instead of even wearing the slightest hint of a smile, though, he just
looked worried and solemn.
“Levi, what’s wrong?” Erwin asked, when he took the paper back from him and bit
his lip.
“Its so far away.” Levi murmured in response, staring down at the letter. “This
is shitty.”
Now it was Erwin’s turn to frown, because he knew what Levi meant, knew exactly
where he was going with this. “Far away from what? From me? Levi, you can’t let
that influence your decision.”
“But-”
“This is an amazing opportunity. You got a full scholarship to a great college.
You can’t turn it down just because-”
“Erwin, would you shut up and listen to me for one minute!” Levi blurted all of
a sudden, raising his voice so suddenly that Erwin flinched in surprise. His
calm face had twisted into an expression of anger, and he was gripping the
letter in his hands so tightly that he was wrinkling it. “Stop trying to tell
me what I want, like I’m some fucking kid, like you’re just preaching to one of
your other students that you barely know. That’s not all I am to you, is it,
you bastard?”
“No. Of course not.” Erwin said immediately, confused by Levi’s sudden
outburst. “I just want what’s best for you. I’d never forgive myself if you
turned this down because of me, because you thought you were sure you wanted
something when really-”
“I am sure. I was sure when we first talked about this, and I’m still sure now.
I’ve been sure since I was old enough to understand shit like this, since
before I even met you again. I was sure in my other life, Erwin, that I...I-”
Levi stopped with his mouth hanging open, his face red with embarrassment and
agitation, and swallowed. He’d apparently reached his limit of what he could
say without losing himself to nerves and doubt, but he pushed through it this
time, taking a breath before speaking again in a quiet voice. “Levi loved
Erwin. Did...did Erwin not love Levi?”
He was talking about their past selves, of course. Even though they weren’t
different people, there was a sort of disconnect when they talked about it as
if they were, and it seemed this was the only way Levi was able to get across
what he was feeling. It made it easier for him, but his words still made
Erwin’s chest hurt with a deep ache, not to mention the way he was looking at
him with uncertainty in his eyes. He’d started confidently, but then apparently
began to doubt himself somewhere along the way, thinking things that Erwin had
never wanted him to assume.
“He did.” Erwin answered after a few moments, hoping his voice sounded as sure
as he felt. Although he barely remembered anything compared to Levi, that much
he did know, even if they had never told each other before. “He does.”
“Then-” Levi blurted, eyes dropping from Erwin’s face to his chest, as if he
wanted to rush forward into his arms. “Then why-”
“Because I want you to be happy, Levi, that’s all. I wanted you to enjoy
growing up, and I hated that you were weighed down by this. I wanted you to be
able to choose something else if you wanted, to have the opportunity to find
someone that wasn’t me. Just because you were with me before doesn’t mean you
have to be fated to that now.”
“Tch. Typical…” Levi said, jerking his head to the side to stare at the floor.
The reaction made Erwin stop and blink, his attitude an abrupt shift from where
it had been only seconds ago. “That’s what I’ve been trying to make you get
this whole time, you dumbass. I am fated to it, or whatever you said, why else
would I want to be with you when I didn’t even fucking know you? Even if I’m
not, I don’t care. You don’t remember anything, so you don’t know what it was
like before. You don’t know how frustrating and how shitty it was to not be
able to have what I really wanted. Now I can, but you still...you won’t-”
Levi cut himself off because he’d started pacing in agitation, his voice going
higher with the slightest hint of panic in it. He hadn’t finished his thoughts
and looked like he was at a loss now, but what he’d said had been enough. It
was true, Erwin didn’t remember as much as Levi did, but he’d gotten the sense
from his own dreams that they were involved in something bigger than
themselves, that their lives were meant for something else instead of each
other. They’d been happy when they were together, but there was always an
underlying hint of melancholy to it, or the feeling that it wasn’t enough and
that he would never be able to be complete.
He hadn’t truly understood it before, but he did now. Looking at Levi,
imagining being with him in the way he wanted, he felt something he’d been
missing this entire time. He felt whole.
“Levi.” Erwin said quietly, swallowing the lump that had risen in his throat.
“You’re right.”
Levi had stopped to stare at the floor, seemingly deep in thought, but when
Erwin spoke his head snapped up again instantly, an expression on his face that
said he couldn’t believe what he had just heard. “What?”
“You’re right. I remember enough to know that I sometimes wished things could
be different. Before, I mean. And now they are different, and, well, I suppose
I just find it hard to believe that you’d still want to be with me if you had
the chance to choose something else.”
“Yeah, well, you gave me a choice then too, Erwin.”
“And?” Erwin said, feeling a sense of faint hope stirring in his chest that
came from finally understanding, finally realizing that he couldn’t keep
fighting all of this.
“I joined you like an idiot. And that was before I even knew you and with all
the other bullshit we had to deal with, so why do you think I wouldn’t choose
you now?”
Levi was calm again, speaking firmly and staring at Erwin as if he was pleading
with him to believe what he was saying. He did, though, and after he spoke,
Erwin had to fight back a smile at his words. It hadn’t been easy for him to
accept, but it seemed as if he’d been wrong this entire time about everything.
He’d thought he’d been doing Levi a favor by giving him the freedom to choose,
but instead, he’d just been denying them both what they hadn’t been able to
have before. It wasn’t fair, he supposed, and even though Levi was young, he
had the memories and perhaps even the thoughts of someone who was not.
That train of thought led Erwin to deflate, though, because that was still the
problem, the only roadblock left that was getting in their way.
“You’re still 17, Levi.” He murmured after a moment, sitting down on the edge
of his desk in defeat.
Levi, though, was not dissuaded. A fact that in retrospect, Erwin didn’t find
surprising considering his behavior for the past two years. He walked forward,
placing both of his hands on the tops of Erwin’s thighs and looked up at his
face.
“Yeah. And if I go to college, I’ll still be 17 by the time I move away. So are
you really just gonna let me go like that?”
And that was how, after over two years of struggling with himself and denying
his feelings and pushing Levi away, Erwin finally relented to his whims. It was
how he’d agreed to take Levi to bed, for real this time, to give him what they
both wanted, because the thought of Levi moving away and it never happening at
all was enough for Erwin to throw away whatever remaining morals he had left.
He knew it still wasn’t right, but he couldn’t fight it anymore, not after the
emotional conversation they’d just had in his classroom. They’d admitted things
to each other that they’d both been holding onto for over a lifetime, and the
honest relief he’d felt afterward had been like some kind of great release.
There was another type of release they both wanted, though, and his desire for
it only got stronger in the days after that.
Still though, Erwin would only agree after Levi promised multiple times that he
would go to college, and then waited until Levi was completely finished with
school and had graduated. He’d never forgive himself if he distracted him from
his final exams and reports, he’d told him, and it would make him feel a little
better if at the very least, after graduation Erwin wouldn’t be able to say he
was Levi’s teacher anymore. Levi had been a little put off by the wait, but
he’d gotten over it - he’d already waited what felt like 60 fucking years, he’d
said, so what was a few more months?
The night of the graduation ceremony, Erwin sat in his assigned spot on the
stage, unable to contain his smile as Levi’s name was called out and he
received his diploma. He felt a sense of pride again while he watched him, but
not just that. There was a lighthearted sense of happiness too, of warmth and
excitement and fondness, and a carefree feeling of relief that came from
knowing that very soon, something that he’d struggled with for a long time was
about to be over.
Afterward, once Erwin finished talking to parents and saying goodbye to former
students, he walked to his car to find Levi waiting on him. He was still in his
graduation get-up, the cap crooked on his head and the gown nearly swallowing
him whole. He had his diploma in his hand, too, but as soon as Erwin walked up
and unlocked the doors he threw it in the back and pulled his robe and hat off.
“Well, that was boring.” He announced, his eyes appraising Erwin in his suit
and tie before speaking again in a quiet voice. “Uh, you look hot.”
“Do I?” Erwin teased, amused at the way Levi was flushing just from that
admission.
Levi nodded, his eyes growing wider the longer he stared at him. He licked his
lips, and then forced himself to meet Erwin’s gaze. “Are we still…?”
“Yes. Get in the car. And congratulations, by the way.”
Erwin was not sure he had ever seen Levi move so fast. He’d been standing near
Erwin on the driver’s side, but at his words he bolted around the car, opening
the door, climbing in, and fastening his seat belt before Erwin had even sat
down.
“You don’t want anything to eat first?” Erwin asked, starting the car at a
leisurely pace, eyeing Levi from the side.
“No. I’m not hungry. We’re going to your house, right?”
“That was the plan. Is there somewhere else you’d rather go?”
“Well, we can’t do it here, so-”
“No, we can’t do it here.” Erwin chuckled, backing out of the parking spot so
they could head towards his house.
They rode most of the way in an amicable silence, although there was a sort of
tension in the air that probably came from Levi, who was jiggling his leg up
and down in his seat like he was agitated. He was excited, Erwin thought, but a
few minutes into the drive and he suddenly felt Levi take his hand, curling
their fingers together between their two seats.
He looked over quickly before glancing back to the road, at Levi’s face which
sported its normal blank expression except for what was behind his eyes. They
were still wide like they had been outside the car, and Erwin wondered if after
everything, if after all of his shit talking and misbehaving and the fact that
he’d once rubbed his cock against Erwin’s leg until he came in his pants, he
was actually nervous about this. Erwin found the thought endearing, and he
smiled, giving Levi’s hand a quick comforting squeeze just in case.
Soon enough after that, they arrived at his house, and Levi was practically
falling out of the car once he pulled into the driveway. He was already at the
door before Erwin had even reached the sidewalk, and he rushed inside as soon
as it was unlocked. He tossed his things onto the couch and then went straight
to Erwin’s bedroom, and didn’t waste one second before he started to unbutton
his shirt as soon as he entered.
“Levi, wait. I want to do it.” Erwin said then, following him inside only to
halt his near frantic movements by placing a hand on his shoulder, before
removing his suit jacket and tossing it onto a chair along with his keys.
Already, Levi was rushing, his impatience getting the better of him before
they’d even started. He wanted to avoid that, and thankfully Levi froze at his
touch, looking over his shoulder at Erwin while he took off his shoes. Next, he
walked around Levi and sat down on the edge of the bed, beckoning him forward.
Levi stared at him for a moment before he approached so that Erwin could take
him into his arms, pulling him gently into his lap. He directed Levi’s hands
onto his shoulders as he gingerly climbed onto him and settled into a
straddling position, giving Erwin a close view of how the red blush that had
been present on his cheeks since they’d arrived had started to spread down over
his neck.
As Erwin looked at him, he found himself thinking that this was his last chance
to put a halt to this, to end it and excuse himself before it got too far. Once
they started, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop, but despite all of the
convincing he'd done on himself the past few years that this was wrong, all the
confusion and doubt and frustration that he'd put them both through, he
couldn’t do anything to shake how right it felt either.
So, with that thought, Erwin leaned forward to kiss Levi’s parted lips, giving
him just a peck at first and watching as his eyes fluttered shut when he
pressed them against his more firmly a second time. Erwin closed his too then,
and suddenly every lingering worry was gone, replaced only by Levi - Levi
opening his mouth so Erwin could lick inside it, hesitantly matching the slow
movements of Erwin’s tongue with his own at first and then gradually, with more
confidence. His behavior seemed restrained compared to before, when he’d woken
Erwin up in bed during the middle of the night. That had been spur of the
moment and completely rushed, but this had been planned, and Erwin supposed the
intimacy of it and how long he’d had to think about it was affecting Levi's
nerves.
With a little coaxing, however, he seemed to relax and respond more eagerly
with his own movements, leaning against Erwin’s chest and eventually winding
his arms around his neck. As he did so, Erwin began to feel that strong sense
of déjà vu again, the same one he'd felt since the day Levi had first walked
into his classroom. Once he'd figured out what was going on, he hadn't
experienced it as much, but now, it was back. He felt it again in the way that
Levi leaned into him and in the quick, kittenish movements of his tongue, in
the way his fingertips felt on the back of his neck, curling into his hair, and
how, after he'd lost himself enough, in the way Levi suddenly bit down sharply
on his bottom lip.
They’d done all this before, countless times in their past lives, of course.
That was why it all felt so familiar, and it made Erwin smile along with the
sharp pinch of Levi’s teeth. In response, Erwin kissed him harder and more
eagerly, reaching around to tug his shirt out from where it was tucked into his
pants. After that he set to work unbuttoning it, dipping his head down to kiss
at Levi’s jaw, trailing his lips lower over the length of his neck and then to
his collarbone as he undid his shirt, mouthing at each and every inch of newly
exposed skin he could reach.
Above his head, Levi’s breath was coming quicker and harder, easily heard above
the silence in the still room. The lower Erwin moved, the more Levi tightened
his fingers in his hair, and when he finally pushed his shirt over his
shoulders and found a nipple, Levi made a small noise above him and pulled at
his hair.
“You’re not being fair.” He panted, twisting away from Erwin’s mouth and moving
to start fumbling with the knot of his tie.
He tugged at it until it came loose around his neck before going for the
buttons of his shirt, undoing them easily with his small fingers. Erwin didn't
skip a beat but let him do what he wanted, pressing his face and mouth against
Levi's neck again and sliding his hands around to cup his ass. Levi wriggled in
his grip, an irritated sound leaving his lips when he had to work around
Erwin's wandering hands to finish unbuttoning his shirt. The moment it was open
Levi started to push it over his shoulders, but before he could Erwin grabbed
his arm, falling backwards onto the bed and pulling Levi with him.
Erwin kissed him briefly, inhaling his scent again, before Levi sat up to brace
his palms against Erwin’s chest. He was straddling his waist now, giving Erwin
a good look at his face from underneath his bangs. He watched his rosy lips
part and his eyes wander over him intently as he ran his hands over his torso,
groping and squeezing it how he wanted, tracing the lines of it with his
fingers all the way down over his abdomen. His touches grew lighter the lower
he went so that it almost tickled, and when Levi's hands reached Erwin's belt,
he paused abruptly and swallowed.
It was just a brief moment of hesitance, but Erwin could tell he was still a
bit nervous. He'd let go of it mostly while he'd distracted him with kisses,
but now that he was on top of Erwin and boldly roaming his hands all over him,
it had apparently caught up with him again. There was still lust in his eyes,
but Erwin wanted him to be comfortable, and if he'd for some reason decided he
wasn't ready, of course he would completely understand.
“Levi." He murmured, grabbing at his hand to get his attention. "Are you
alright? You know we don’t have to do this if you-”
“Tch, shut up.” Levi said immediately, jerking his hand back out of Erwin's and
setting his jaw stubbornly. He bit his lip and paused again before twisting
around, reaching back to plant his palm down over Erwin’s erection. “Grab my
ass again.”
Erwin nearly laughed at Levi's shift in attitude, finding the sudden demand
amusing. He didn't hesitate to do what he asked immediately, though, reaching
back around to cup his ass with both hands like he had before.
"Like this?" He murmured, gripping it hard enough to make Levi flinch.
His only response was to nod, apparently distracted now by the feel of Erwin's
cock inside his pants. He groped and palmed at it, rubbed his hand firmly over
the length of it and squeezed so suddenly that it made Erwin grunt. The sound
made Levi turn back around to stare at his face, a smile behind his eyes that
nearly reached his lips, for once. He seemed pleased with Erwin's reaction, so
he squeezed him again, and Erwin let his eyes flutter closed and twitched his
hips upward, a soft sigh escaping his throat for Levi’s notice.
As willing as he was to indulge him, however, his touches were still making
Erwin’s blood run hot, and the way Levi's ass felt in his hands wasn't helping.
He marveled at how he could fit one small cheek in each palm, even through his
pants and underwear. At that thought, though, he opened his eyes again, a gasp
leaving his lips when Levi cupped and rubbed at his balls more firmly, and
moved to start undoing Levi's belt with a purpose.
He jerked it open and then worked at his pants, undoing them just enough so he
could slide his hands inside and back to his ass again. Now he was gripping
bare skin, the feel of it warm against his fingers, and this time when he
squeezed, Levi's hips shifted. He'd rolled them forward, a lustful look passing
over his face at Erwin's firm touch, and let his swollen lips part.
It was such a sight that Erwin couldn't resist claiming them again, his hands
roaming up Levi's back to tug him down. This time they kissed more hungrily and
Levi grabbed at his neck, not afraid to move his lips over Erwin's with the
same amount of ferocity as he was. All of his shyness was gone now, and he
grinded himself on top of him eagerly, the movement and weight of his body
nearly making Erwin groan with want.
He flipped them both over suddenly so that Levi was beneath him, pinning his
wrists above his head like he had last time they'd found themselves in bed.
This time, though, he didn't stop himself, and instead attacked Levi's mouth
with heated kisses again, devouring him until he was squirming against the
sheets beneath him.
He was trying to get his pants off, Erwin realized after a second, while Levi
took advantage of his momentary distraction and nipped at his lips again. A
second later and he went for Erwin's neck, but he'd already moved, sitting up
between Levi's legs to help him tug off his pants. He pulled off his socks and
underwear too, and just like that, Levi was completely naked and sprawled out
in front of him.
Erwin took a moment to look, letting his eyes take in the body before him. The
Levi from his dreams - the one from before - had been older and athletic, made
up of thick muscle and well-toned but rough, battle hardened skin. He'd always
been scarred, too, just like Erwin had, with healed wounds and red lines from
the uniforms they’d worn nearly every single day.
This Levi was different though - his body lean and wiry rather than solid and
built, his skin smooth and unmarked instead of scored with red, and the edges
of his small muscles just barely visible underneath the pale flesh. Part of it
was because of his age, because of the fact that he was halfway between a boy
and a man, but Erwin didn't think that made him any less beautiful than his
counterpart had been.  
Levi chewed on his lip while Erwin looked him over, the flush on his face
deepening from a rosy pink to a dark red scarlet. It trailed down his neck and
over his chest, Erwin noticed, giving his skin a glow that he normally wouldn't
have. He glanced over his stomach - adorably undefined, he thought, with only a
tiny bit of fat - and down between his legs, to where his cock stood up hard
and swollen and leaking. It was framed on both sides by his thighs, the pale,
creamy skin still only covered by a light dusting of dark hair.
They looked soft, and Erwin had the sudden, nearly uncontrollable urge to put
his mouth on them. He did just that, dipping his head between Levi's legs and
latching his lips against the skin of one inner thigh, wetly kissing and
sucking sharply until he was sure he'd left a mark. He pulled away to see that
he was right, and ran his tongue leisurely over the angry red spot now standing
out against Levi's white skin. He then bent again, biting with his teeth this
time, repeating the action over and over again until he'd kissed all over both
of Levi's thighs, leaving nearly a dozen marks between the two of them.
By then Levi was squirming again, with light, breathy noises leaving his
throat. The teasing was getting to him, apparently, and when Erwin pinched the
sensitive skin at the very top of one thigh with his teeth, he bucked his hips
and suddenly whined.
"Have you done this before, Levi?" Erwin asked against his skin, turning his
head to nose at his balls.
"Done what?" Levi answered. His voice was shaky, breathless with want, and when
Erwin looked up at him his eyes were wide again.
"Anything."
"...No." He admitted, his lips pulling into a frown as he averted his gaze,
embarrassed as someone his age would be. Then he swallowed and looked back when
Erwin smiled, barely brushing his lips on top of skin that was inches away from
his cock. "Are you gonna suck my dick?"
"Would you like me to?"
Levi's eyes went even wider and he stared, his gaze wandering over the sight of
Erwin's head between his thighs. He opened his mouth to answer but nothing came
out, and Erwin's lips quirked up.
"Yes or no, Levi." He murmured softly, turning his head to plant his lips
against the side of his cock, mouthing at it with just the slightest brush of
his tongue because he didn't really think Levi was going to say no.
"Yeah, yeah, fuck-" Levi said then, spitting his answer out immediately, the
end of it trailing off into a gasp when Erwin didn't waste another second and
suddenly took the tip of him into his mouth.
He gulped him down about halfway and sucked, swirling his tongue around the
head to taste the pre-come. Above him, Levi threw his head back so sharply that
if they hadn't been on a bed, Erwin would've feared that he'd hurt himself.
"Holy shit." He said loudly, arching his back and muffling a cry. "Holy shit,
holy shit, Erwin, holy fuck-"
His litany of curses trailed off and turned into moans as Erwin bobbed up and
down, firmly sucking on his cock each time, taking him deeper until he felt the
tip pushing past his throat. Erwin found his favorable reactions to be like
music to his ears, the noises he was making spurring him on, working Levi's
cock eagerly with his mouth and rubbing at his balls with a thumb.
A few moments later, Erwin found Levi's thighs practically wrapped around his
head, squeezing it as he shifted. He was writhing and bucking his hips,
obviously losing control very quickly - not that Erwin was surprised - and when
he flicked his eyes up to look at him, he saw Levi lift his head to meet his
gaze. He swore again, presumably at the sight of Erwin's mouth stretched around
his cock, and cried out when Erwin closed his eyes and swallowed.
"Erwin, wait, I'm gonna-" He gasped, winding his fingers in Erwin's hair
suddenly, tugging in a weak attempt to pull his head away. "I'm gonna come
Erwin, stop-"
He didn't get to finish his sentence because Erwin didn't stop, ignoring his
pleading moans until they lost all semblance of sense and he began to grow more
and more high pitched. A second later, and he shoved one hand over his mouth,
the fingers of his other tightening in Erwin's hair as he came with a rough
jerk of his hips and a muffled whine. He'd bucked up into his mouth so hard
that Erwin nearly gagged, but he managed to stop himself, focusing on the taste
of his come instead and on swallowing all of it down, and on how Levi's thighs
were now trembling next to his head.
"Shit." Levi panted when Erwin pulled away a moment later to wipe his mouth.
"Why didn't you stop? I wanna fuck."
"Relax. You're young. Don't tell me you don't think you'll be able to get it up
again in a matter of minutes." Erwin murmured, kissing a trail back up his
stomach and chest, licking up his neck until he was able to capture his lips
again.
Levi huffed into it but didn't argue, and let Erwin slide his tongue into his
open mouth without protest. It was no wonder, because a few moments later when
Erwin reached down for his cock, he realized that Levi hadn't even gone all the
way soft. It made Erwin smile and Levi squirm and tug at his hair for more, and
a few moments later Erwin was turning him over onto his stomach.
He appraised him, running a hand over Levi's ass gently. This was the part he
was worried about. Levi was small, had always been smaller than him, of course,
but here, his age made it worse. Erwin was big, and while it didn't matter with
things like blowjobs, it mattered if he was going to cause Levi pain while they
were having sex - especially if he'd never done this before.
He'd warned him before that when they did this, if he was hurting him in any
way he was going to stop. Levi had just shrugged at that, though, apparently
not worried about it in the least. Erwin found out why when a few moments
later, he pressed the tip of his lubed up middle finger between his cheeks, and
slipped it in carefully. He'd expected resistance but there was none, and
instead, it slid up all the way to his knuckle while Levi made a breathy sound
above him.
It was a little surprising, but it was only one finger, he supposed. He slid it
in and out, smoothly and slowly until Levi felt loose enough for him to add
another. Although he'd stuck his ass out and shoved his flushed face into the
mattress, Erwin kept a sharp eye on his reactions, listening for any pained
hitch in the muffled sounds he was making and watching to see how tightly he
was gripping the sheets. When he gently inserted the tip of his second finger
alongside the first, it was tight, but Levi remained relaxed enough for him to
work in all the way without any problem.
"Levi." Erwin said, staring as he panted beneath him, twisting his face this
way and that against the sheets. When he said his name Levi turned it to the
side to look at him, meeting his gaze with pupils that were blown wide with
lust. His face was so ruddy and his lips were so bright red and wet that he
looked fucked out already, and Erwin had to swallow when he let out a whine as
he shifted around his fingers. "I thought you said you hadn't done this
before?"
"That doesn't mean I haven't done it to myself, d-dumbass."
Ah, of course. What had Erwin been thinking in assuming that Levi had never
tried this? Like any teenage boy, masturbation wasn't a foreign concept to him,
but Levi had demonstrated to Erwin after he'd jerked off in his bathroom that
he was particularly, well, bold about it. He shouldn't be surprised that he’d
tried other things either, considering Levi's behavior in the dreams he had.
Still, the thought of Levi doing this to himself made Erwin nearly bite through
his bottom lip, and he wondered how far he had gone with it.
"Your fingers are pretty big, though." Levi said then, answering his question
in a way when Erwin started teasing him by pressing the tip of a third against
his entrance.
His eyes had widened a little bit, Erwin noticed, as his gaze passed over his
face to look at his fingers. Levi was right, his were thin and petite, while
Erwin's were, naturally, a little thicker and longer. Two of his fingers were
about the equivalent of three of Levi's, and if that was the most he'd ever
taken, then he was about at his limit of experience.
"How many fingers have you used, Levi?" Erwin asked, twisting the two he had in
his ass now, watching the way he flinched and dropped his mouth open. "Have you
used anything else? I need to know."
"F-four." He stuttered, sucking in air sharply before he shook his head in
response to his other question, turning it to bury his face back against the
mattress.
"Four." Erwin repeated, imagining Levi's hole stretched around four of his own
fingers.
"Just once. I don't have a dildo, fuck-" Levi grunted when he removed his
fingers then, muffling another sound as Erwin immediately added more lubricant
between his cheeks.
If he could take four of his own, then three of Erwin's should be alright,
shouldn't they? Either way, there was only one way to find out, and Levi had
done well so far. The two he'd already been fingering him with went back in
easily, but when he started to add a third, Levi tensed up. His moan hitched a
bit, but it only took a few seconds before he was wiggling his ass back against
Erwin's hand again. Erwin rubbed at the soft skin between his ass and his balls
with his other thumb, trying to help him relax into it, and with a little work
he was able to fit all three of his thick fingers inside.
God, it was tight though, he thought, with Levi's hole stretched wide around
them. Even if Levi had gotten four inside, he said he’d only done it once, and
Erwin still couldn’t imagine fitting his cock in there easily. It wasn’t long
before Levi was begging him to do it, though, his voice high and needy as he
shoved his ass back against Erwin’s hand and dragged his cock along the
bedsheets beneath him.
“Please, Erwin, fuck, Erwin, stick it in, please-” Levi was babbling and those
were about the only words he could make out, three fingers sliding smoothly in
and out of him and the friction from how he was rutting on the bed apparently
enough to push him past the point of being able to control himself.
Erwin ignored him as best he could though, ignored the way his begging made his
own cock twitch and how it ached from lack of touch. He ached all over, in
fact, to give Levi what he wanted, lust from watching him and the feel of him
squeezing his fingers clouding his thoughts and making it hard for him to
concentrate on being gentle.
He pulled his fingers nearly all the way out and spread them to try and stretch
Levi a bit more, repeating the action and watching how Levi gasped or whined or
lifted his hips every time he did it. His reactions were such that Erwin was
starting to wonder if he liked the feeling of being split, because he certainly
didn’t act like he was experiencing any discomfort. In the dreams he’d had,
Levi had never shown any sign of being in pain with anything that was
happening, but he’d never assumed that, well, this would be so pleasurable for
him.
Thrusting his fingers in sharply, he curled them, pressing the tips against
Levi’s most sensitive inner spot. The mewling sound he made was loud enough to
make a hot flash of arousal go through Erwin’s belly all over again, and he
stared as Levi froze suddenly with his ass in the air and shuddered in such a
way that Erwin thought he might have come. He hadn’t, though, because one of
his legs was drawn up and Erwin could see his cock, pulled down between them
from all of his writhing. It was swollen and leaking, yes, but not yet
softening or lying in any other evidence of release.
“God, Levi-” Erwin found himself moaning then, unable to hold back any longer
from the sight.
He pulled his fingers out and leaned over suddenly, palming Levi’s ass and
biting into it. He was breathing heavily, just as much as Levi was almost,
especially when Erwin’s actions made him squirm and push himself up onto his
elbows above him.
“Erwin.” He panted, twisting to look at him over his shoulder. “Erwin, fuck me,
please-”
That was enough to spring Erwin into action again, sitting up so he could find
what he’d done with the lube. While he was looking for it, Levi scrambled into
a new position, rolling himself over so that he was lying on his back. He
draped his thighs over Erwin’s - much smaller and lithe in comparison - while
he slicked his cock up, scooting down and lifting his hips in the air until
their balls were touching. He sat back up on his elbows, and Erwin realized the
reason for his change of position once he started pressing in: Levi wanted to
watch.
He didn’t make it very long, though, because after Erwin had sunk just a few
inches into his ass he fell back down onto the bed and threw his arms over his
face. There hadn't been much resistance at first, but now Levi had grown tense
and it was all Erwin could do to stop. It was tight like he'd known it would
be, so tight that he was digging his fingers into where he held the underside
of Levi's thighs apart. He wanted to bury himself in that warmth more badly
than anything else, but instead he paused, licking his lips and running a hand
up Levi's side.
"Levi." He breathed, sweat running down his temple as he stared at Levi's
mouth. It was the only part of his face he could see, and he was visibly biting
his bottom lip so hard Erwin feared he might break through the skin. "Do you
want me to stop? Does it hurt?"
Levi shook his head vehemently, lowering his arms so he could peek up at Erwin.
His eyes were halfway open as if he’d been squeezing them shut, and although
Erwin could barely see them, the tops of his cheeks were red - two bright spots
standing out against the pale, bare skin of his arms.
“Keep going.” He said, the words sounding strained to Erwin’s ears.
He frowned, concerned that Levi was going to push himself past his limits in
his desire for this to happen, but not ready to give up yet. He pulled out and
added more lube just in case before sinking back in, thrusting shallowly and
working his cock in a little deeper. Levi shifted his hips but then stopped
again and made a choked off sound, the noise muffled by his arms so that Erwin
couldn’t tell whether it was the result of pleasure or pain.
Again, Erwin paused, this time reaching for Levi’s cock. Surprisingly enough,
Erwin thought, he was still hard, and he wrapped his fingers around it in an
effort to help him relax. All it took was one tug for Levi to make another
noise, though, this one a bit louder. He whined but jerked his hips off the
bed, his head twisting to the side underneath his arms - hopefully not to hide
a grimace, Erwin thought.
It had the desired effect, though. Levi relaxed immediately, enough for Erwin
to sink the rest of the way into him with just one more thrust, barely managing
to bite back a deep groan when his hips finally fit snugly against Levi’s
backside. Beneath him, Levi’s thighs were trembling, his mouth hanging open
from below where one forearm still covered his face. He was panting and his
back was arched, but he seemed alright so Erwin pulled back to start moving
gently. He stroked his cock again in time with it, but as soon as he did Levi
froze again and shuddered.
“Wait-” He choked out, gasping, but it was too late.
Erwin was already pushing back into him, and Levi’s plea for him to stop had
already turned into a muffled cry no sooner than it had left his lips. Erwin
felt a sudden flash of panic before he could halt himself, afraid that he’d
hurt him, but it turned into surprise when Levi abruptly came all over his own
stomach and Erwin’s fingers. His cock twitched in his hand while he shook like
he had before, spurting white stripes all the way up his chest and dribbling
down onto his skin.
“Fuck!” Levi all but sobbed, cursing again while Erwin looked down at him in
wonder.
That had been quick - even quicker than before. He’d seemed pretty worked up
when Erwin was fingering him, but Erwin had assumed that however close he’d
gotten, it hadn’t mattered once he’d felt the discomfort from Erwin pushing his
cock into him. Unless, of course, the stretch hadn’t bothered him, and he
really did like it as he’d suspected earlier.
That would mean that all his tensing up, all the sounds that Erwin had nearly
mistaken for pained cries, plus the way he’d hid his face and bitten his lip,
was because Levi had just been trying not to come.
“Levi.” He started in a breathy voice, leaning over to grab at his arms so he
could pull them away from his face, revealing an expression filled with
pleasure and void of anything even remotely suggesting discomfort.
“You went too fast, you bastard.” Levi spat, panting hard.
He was frowning and red, and something told Erwin that this time, it was from
embarrassment rather than arousal. He blinked for a moment, almost laughing
because he felt like he’d been moving at a near glacial pace this entire time,
but managed to only smile instead because he was finding all of this incredibly
endearing.
After that, he couldn’t resist leaning over to kiss him, covering Levi’s lips
with his own, moving his mouth eagerly and swallowing his sound of surprise. It
turned into a moan when Erwin started moving - really, truly thrusting this
time because he finally felt assured that he wasn’t going to hurt Levi - the
noise muffled at first but growing louder when his head fell back. Levi had no
trouble matching his movements, and rolled his hips up to meet Erwin’s once he
started, biting his lip until he began to go faster and his lips parted, his
mouth hanging wide open and his eyes squeezed shut.
All he could do after that was cling to him while Erwin kissed at his neck,
both of them quickly becoming lost in the moment and in the rhythm Erwin had
establish with his hips. The sweet sounds Levi was making were filling Erwin’s
ears, the welcoming feel of his body, of his arms and legs and the area between
it causing Erwin to muse in the back of his mind that he didn’t blame Levi for
coming so quickly.
He didn’t think he was going to last long either, not like this, not with the
tension already building tight and hot in his stomach. It drove him on, his
breathing getting heavier and his brows drawing down into a concentrated
expression, his focus narrowing only toward reaching his release. Somewhere in
the back of his mind, he recognized the sound of Levi gasping his name, a noise
that urged him to pull out of his arms and sit up suddenly.
Pushing Levi’s legs back, his hips didn’t skip a beat, jerking into him harder
instead now that Erwin could see him. He had a full view of his red face and
parted, swollen lips, lips that were almost immediately covered when Levi shot
a hand up to bite at his palm. He was sweaty and still had a sticky mess all
over his stomach, and all it took was a few more moments of staring at the
debauched sight of him to push Erwin over the edge. He suddenly came with a
shudder and a groan, slowing to thrust deep inside him a few more times while
he spilled, finally stilling when he had to stop to catch his breath.
He let go of Levi's legs, careful not to let his full weight on top of him when
he leaned forward to provide him with more kisses. He pressed his lips to his
mouth, his cheek, his neck, lightly over his face until Levi squirmed. Only
then did he pull out and roll off him onto his side, getting another, this time
less distracted look, at Levi's appearance.
Erwin wasn't sure how he looked himself, but Levi was wrecked, his skin
splotchy and sweaty, his bangs sticking wetly to his forehead. His expressions
was one of contentment, though, Erwin noticed, and as he looked at him he saw
his eyelids drooping already. He had to be exhausted - two orgasms and his
first time made Erwin not at all surprised that he'd just been clinging to him
by the end of it, holding onto Erwin and unable to move while he fucked him.
"Are you satisfied now, Levi?" He couldn't help but ask teasingly, leaning over
to kiss his jawline again.
Apparently, the only response Levi was capable of was a muted grunting noise,
rolling over after another second so his back was to Erwin. For a second, Erwin
was worried that had been a negative, but a moment later and Levi was reaching
back to grab his arm so he could pull it over him. After that, Erwin got the
message, smiling as he scooted as close as he could behind Levi so he could
hold him.
"Do you want me to clean you off?" Erwin murmured, kissing the back of Levi's
neck after he’d gotten situated and lied with him for a few minutes.
Levi did not answer, though, because he was already asleep - or nearly there,
anyway. His eyes were closed, Erwin saw as he lifted his head, and his
breathing had become even and quiet. He looked at ease, his face soft, and
normally Erwin might’ve gotten up to wipe himself off too, but he didn’t want
to disturb Levi. He didn’t want to let go of him either, he found, so he just
pulled a blanket over them gently and rested his head down too, wrapping his
arm around his middle tighter. Eventually, he fell asleep with the scent of
Levi’s hair in his nose and his chest warm inside and out - from both the
feeling of Levi’s body pressed against his and the contented swell in his
heart.
The next morning, he woke up before Levi and played with the thought of making
him breakfast. He wasn’t sure when he’d be up, however, and didn’t want to wake
him, so he decided he’d do it once he was out of bed. That didn’t turn out to
be until the afternoon, a fact which didn’t really surprised Erwin when he
thought about it.
Levi had gone through a lot of energy, and he hadn’t slept through the whole
night, either. He’d basically passed out after their first round, only to wake
Erwin up at the crack of dawn, his eyes wide open and his lips running over his
skin. It was like when Levi had spent the night with him before after having a
nightmare, except this time, Erwin didn’t fight him. He tilted his head to the
side instead, opening his mouth and seeking out the lazy, sleepy kiss Levi
wanted. He let Levi climb on top of him, not even sure he wasn’t dreaming until
he glimpsed the red marks all over his thighs and the dried, sticky mess on his
stomach from earlier, and sink down on his cock after he’d gotten hard again
and the lube had been found.
If Erwin hadn’t been fully awake before that, he certainly was then, the sight
of Levi riding him and the soft, breathy sounds he was making catching Erwin’s
attention and almost enrapturing him until he couldn’t look away. It felt good
too, of course, and the way Levi had just straddled him and slid onto his cock
in one smooth movement - his ass still open from earlier and slick with Erwin’s
come - made him moan and latch his hands onto his hips.
Just like that they were fucking again, falling into a new rhythm that this
time, was set by Levi instead. Erwin let him do what he wanted, content to
watch him move eagerly, bouncing up and down and finding the perfect way to
angle his hips so that his mouth fell open in pleasure. Once he found the right
spot and Erwin grabbed his cock, it only took a few upward thrusts from him
before Levi released again for the third time that night, a harsh whimper
leaving his throat as fresh spurts of come dribbled down his cock and onto
Erwin’s stomach.
He still didn’t stop, though, not until Erwin finally came too and filled his
ass up again and he slid off him, collapsing onto his side and panting heavily.
Erwin didn’t even hesitate before scooping him up in his arms again, both of
them falling back asleep sprawled onto the bed like that as if they’d never
even woken up.
Erwin was only able to sleep for another two or so hours, though, and that was
when he’d climbed out of bed quietly and stumbled into the kitchen to debate
making Levi breakfast. Once he’d decided to wait, he spent the morning lounging
around in his pajamas, reading until after lunch when he finally decided to
shower.
After he got out, that was when he found Levi finally awake, sitting on the
edge of the bed with one of his legs hanging off of it.
“Good morning.” Erwin said, holding his towel around his waist and looking him
over. “Or, good afternoon, I suppose. Its almost 2:00.”
“So?” Levi grumbled, rubbing at his eye with the sleeve of the shirt he wore.
It was Erwin’s from the night before, and apparently he’d pulled it on while
he’d been in the shower. He’d left it unbuttoned, but it still looked
impossibly small on his frame, the edge of it almost hanging off of one slim
shoulder. With the way he was sitting, the bottom of it hung over his thighs
too, and the marks Erwin had left on them were clearly visible against his pale
skin. Most of them were red, but the color on some of them had already started
to deepen into a dark purple.
There was a large mark on his collarbone, too, and looking him over, Erwin felt
a hint of guilt, wondering if perhaps he’d gotten carried away. But even after
looking down at himself and shifting, Levi did not seem to mind and was
apparently not going to complain. At least not about that, anyway.
“My ass is sore.” He groused, standing up to stretch. “And wet. And there’s
dried up jizz all over my stomach. I feel fucking disgusting.”
Erwin couldn’t help but chuckle at his crassness, walking over to his dresser
and dropping his towel to put on a fresh pair of pajama pants. Levi went quiet,
and when Erwin turned back around he wasn’t surprised to find Levi watching
him. His eyes were on his ass and then his crotch, before he flicked them up to
Erwin’s face and then away, his cheeks already turning red.
“A bath will probably help. Or a shower. Whatever you want to do. How about I
make breakfast while you’re in the bathroom?”
“Breakfast? I thought you said it was 2:00?”
“Yes, but I don’t mind. We can have breakfast as a late lunch.”
“Okay.” Levi said, finally looking up at Erwin again. He was quiet while he
glanced over him, his small mouth pulled down into a thoughtful frown, and
Erwin was getting ready to clear his throat before he finally spoke up again.
“Uh, can I take a bath?”
“Of course. I’ll start one for you.”
With that, Erwin walked back into the bathroom quickly, pulling out a towel for
Levi and turning on the tub. He was standing in front of it when suddenly, a
pair of slim arms slid around his waist and a head bumped against his back. It
was Levi, of course, and although he hadn’t heard him, he must have followed
him into the bathroom. He froze for a moment, alarm bells ringing automatically
in his head before he remembered that he was able to touch him like this now,
before he relaxed and turned around to embrace him too.
“Did you sleep okay?” He asked, running a hand through Levi’s hair and trying
to make him more comfortable.
He seemed tense, or unsure about something, but Erwin could not tell what it
was. For all he knew, this was how Levi always behaved after waking up at 2:00
in the afternoon.
“I guess.” Levi muttered, his voice muffled because he’d pressed his face
against Erwin’s chest. A second later and he tilted his chin to peek up at him,
the same thin, tight frown on his face. “Are you going to make me leave after
this?”
"No." Erwin answered immediately. "Not right away."
"Can-" Levi started and then stopped, tightening his arms around Erwin's waist
as his cheeks reddened before speaking again. "Can I stay here again tonight?"
Erwin looked down at him, his immediate instincts telling him to say no, that
it wasn't a good idea. He'd relented and slept with Levi, yes, but the fact
was, he was still 17 and just because he'd disregarded his own morals didn't
mean the rest of the world was going to. They were going to have to set
boundaries, as many as they had to in order to keep this hidden, and letting
Levi stay again so soon seemed like it was the opposite of keeping their
distance. However, staring at his expression, a hopeful look behind his eyes
and the perpetual frown on his face, not to mention how warm he was in Erwin's
arms, he couldn't say no.
"Alright. But just one more night. I'll take you home tomorrow. Do you need to
tell your uncle?"
"Fuck him, you know he doesn't give a shit where I am. It's not like he lets me
know when he's going off to get wasted."
"Okay, I get it." Erwin said, bending to kiss Levi on the cheek. "You can stay,
Levi."
Before he could pull away, Levi grabbed his shoulders suddenly, his eyes going
wide as he stopped like he'd surprised himself. He looked at Erwin's face and
then swallowed, closing his eyes and leaning forward to press their lips
together gingerly. It was a soft, careful kiss, like Levi was still in
disbelief that he was able to do this without consequence, and it made Erwin
smile.
His heart fluttered too and he scooped Levi up, holding him against his chest
as Levi wrapped his arms and legs around him in surprise. He made a small
noise, the sound muffled when Erwin kissed him again gently, sliding a hand
down to cup his still bare ass. Levi opened his mouth for Erwin, the clinging
hold he had on him growing tighter and tighter the longer their lips moved
together. He was getting excited, Erwin knew - it was obvious by how squirmy he
was getting in his arms, rubbing against him, and with the quickening of his
breath. He pulled away after a few more moments before things got out of hand,
giving him one last soft peck before he spoke.
"Your bath is almost ready." He murmured quietly against his lips, eyeing
Levi’s already flushed cheeks and the deer-in-headlights expression he wore.
"I have a boner." Was Levi’s response, an announcement that made Erwin blink,
because he’d been perfectly aware of the erection Levi had sported from the
moment he’d walked into the room.
Even if he wasn’t, with the way he was holding him, Erwin could feel it
pressing against his stomach.
“Well, it doesn’t take much.” Erwin said then, barely containing a chuckle.
He let Levi down and dodged a sudden swipe of his hand, an outburst from him in
response to his teasing.
“Shut up.” He snapped, his face contorting into a put out expression. He tugged
Erwin’s shirt off and then climbed into the bath, switching the faucet off and
sinking down into the water. “You’re just pissed because your dick is too huge
for you to get it up that fast.”
Erwin did laugh then, leaning over the tub to give Levi another kiss on the
side of his mouth. “That’s not true, I’m not that old, Levi. I’ll show you
later. If you’re not too sore, that is.”
He said it a low tone near his ear, his words turning out to be more than
enough to quiet Levi down. He watched him freeze, another blush forming at the
tops of his round cheeks, and then slide down in the tub until the water was up
to his chin.
“I’m not too sore.” He managed to mumble after a second, giving Erwin one last
longing look before he left the bathroom.
After that Erwin pulled on a t-shirt and went to work on making him bacon,
eggs, and toast - just about all he was capable of for this type of meal -
managing to finish it well before Levi got out of the bath. He took so long
that Erwin wondered if he might have fallen back asleep or something, but just
when he was about to go check on him he appeared in the kitchen, his hair damp
and skin rosy from the hot water.
He hadn’t brought a change of clothes, so Erwin wasn’t surprised to find that
he’d apparently ransacked his dresser for something to wear. He had on a worn,
long-sleeved t-shirt that Erwin hadn’t seen in ages, and a pair of boxers that
almost went down to his knees. He ate every bite of food Erwin had prepared for
him, and whatever had been left on Erwin’s plate, too.
After that, they spent the rest of the day on the couch, Erwin reading or
watching TV while Levi played on his phone. Around dinner time they ordered a
pizza, and settled down to watch a movie. Or at least, Erwin tried to. It
wasn’t halfway over before Levi, apparently at his limit on what had probably
been on his teenaged mind all day, was all over him.
He’d started at the opposite end of the couch, seemingly paying more attention
to his phone than Erwin or the movie until he shoved his feet under Erwin’s
thigh. Erwin placed a hand on his legs absentmindedly, but did nothing else and
didn’t think much of it until Levi moved his feet into his lap. Then he sat up
and gradually scooted down the couch until he was next to Erwin, bending a knee
and resting it over his leg and pressing their arms together.
Erwin slung his around Levi’s shoulders and let him lean on his chest, aware of
what Levi was trying to do and what he probably wanted, but still did nothing
else because he found Levi’s clumsy attempts at trying to get his attention
charming. Beside him, Levi huffed after a moment, squirming against him and
pressing his face into his neck. Erwin smiled, rubbing his shoulder, but waited
until Levi had curled an arm against his chest and kissed the corner of his
mouth before relenting suddenly and pinning him to the couch.
“You bastard.” Levi mumbled because he could feel Erwin’s smile against his
lips between kisses, realizing he’d been teasing him, but quickly found himself
unable to say anything else.
The rest of the summer went on basically like that, with Levi staying over as
much as Erwin would allow him to. He tried to limit it to just a few nights a
week because he was worried, worried that Levi would go back on his promise to
go to college because he’d gotten too attached or didn’t want to separate from
him. It was hard to say no to spending time with him, though, especially when
Erwin found himself always wanting to see him too, and when a tiny voice in the
back of his mind reminded him that after these last few months, Levi would be
gone and he only had a short amount of time left to see him.
No matter how hard he tried to ignore those thoughts or push Levi off, though,
more often than not he was at his house - especially on the weekends. Levi may
have had the summer free, but Erwin still had work to do at school so he didn’t
have as much free time during the week. Still, half the time he would get home
to find Levi curled up on his couch playing on his phone or watching tv or
doing who knew what on his laptop, or asleep in his bed taking a nap.
Those times Erwin usually ended up in bed too, pulled in by Levi who wouldn’t
let him leave the room until he’d gotten Erwin out of his clothes and both of
them spent. Now that they’d fucked once, Levi was certainly not wasting any
opportunities to do it again as much as possible. Not that Erwin was surprised,
of course. He was 17 and full of hormones, and no matter how many dreams he’d
had about it, experiencing it for himself - or, his current self - was still
new.
He’d been on the verge of shy about it for the first few weeks, leaving it up
to Erwin to pick up on his not-so-subtle hints about what he wanted, and
getting flustered even when all he did was give him a kiss. Levi would grab his
arm suddenly, randomly and even if Erwin was in the middle of talking, and
embrace him or tug him down so he could press their lips together quickly, a
frown on his red face every time he pulled away.
It was funny, considering how forward he had sometimes acted before when he’d
been trying to tempt Erwin, and he wondered if it was because he was afraid
that now he would do something to make Erwin want to stop. Whatever the reason,
Erwin found his behavior endearing no matter what he did, his every action
causing his heart to flutter with a pleasant warmth that made him smile.
Eventually, though, Levi got over it, going from nudging quietly at Erwin’s leg
with his knee or grabbing his hand to just climbing into his lap and kissing
him when he wanted something.
Erwin wasn’t complaining about any of this, of course. He found it hard to keep
his hands off him, especially when Levi had a habit of wearing his clothes no
matter what he’d brought of his own to wear. Particularly, he had a fondness
for Erwin’s long sleeved shirts, and would come out of the bedroom in the
mornings Erwin was at home with just that on and no pants - usually still
sporting the erection he’d woken up with.
It was a sight that Erwin found difficult to resist, especially now that he’d
let go of his guilt about it. The entire experience of sex may have been new to
just Levi, but Levi’s body was new to Erwin, at least in this life, and he
loved every part of it. He loved the way he felt wrapped around him, the way he
squirmed even when he was getting what he wanted like he couldn't get enough of
it. He loved the sounds he made, how easy it was for him to get overwhelmed so
that he couldn't keep quiet, and how he called out Erwin’s name when he drove
him over the edge.
Finding out what he liked was exciting, what things made him moan or what spots
caused him to shiver and gasp. Particularly, Erwin had found that Levi had a
weakness for his tongue and mouth, specifically on the most sensitive spots
between his legs. It didn’t matter whether he was spreading Levi’s thighs and
taking his cock down his throat or flipping him over, pulling his cheeks apart
to lick in between and to press his tongue inside, Levi would always be
writhing and whining beneath him within minutes.
Erwin was happy to oblige him, of course, but that didn’t mean he didn’t like
Levi’s mouth on him either. He was skilled at it, and could swallow him all the
way down without any trouble, and if Erwin wasn’t older he was quite sure the
sight of his small mouth stretched around his swollen cock would be enough for
him to lose it just as quickly as Levi did too.
Even when they weren’t having sex, Erwin liked spending time with Levi. He
always had, and he found himself enjoying it even more now that he wasn’t
preoccupied with constantly being on guard, or worrying about watching himself.
He was happy, he realized one night lying next to Levi in bed, perfectly
content and with a feeling that everything was finally right and how it was
supposed to be.
It was a bittersweet thought, though, because as he stared at Levi’s face, he
knew it was all going to end soon. Levi was leaving for college in less than
two weeks now, and whatever they had, it couldn’t last. Erwin had specifically
avoided talking about their relationship or whatever it was because, again, he
didn’t want to hold Levi back. Surprisingly, Levi had not mentioned it either,
and Erwin wondered if it was because he was thinking the same thing.
“I’m not going to see you anymore when I leave, am I?” Levi said on that same
night they were lying together, confirming Erwin’s suspicions.
He was frowning, a pouty look on his face that caused his bottom lip to stick
out. It looked childish, especially with the tousled, messy look of his hair
and how his bangs hung in his face, and it made Erwin’s breath hitch.
“I don’t know. I don’t want you to worry about that.” Erwin answered anyway, a
smile on his face that probably didn’t meet his eyes. “I want you to enjoy
college. Have you decided what your major is going to be yet?”
Levi shrugged, his frown deepening and his eyes darting away from Erwin’s gaze.
They were lying on their sides facing each other, apart until Levi suddenly
slid his hand over to wrap his fingers around Erwin’s wrist.
“No. How am I supposed to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life
right now? What if I change my mind?”
Erwin moved the arm Levi had touched, shifting his hand so he could tangle
their fingers together between them. “I told you, that’s alright. Most people
do change it at least once. When I first went to college, I thought I wanted to
be a chef.”
“What?” Levi made a face, clearly amused by this, the corners of his mouth
turning up into an almost smile. “You’d be terrible at that. You can’t cook
worth shit! You can’t even make pancakes without fucking burning them.”
“Thank you, Levi.” Erwin responded sarcastically, laughing a little and tugging
him closer.
He wrapped an arm around him and kissed his forehead while they looked at each
other for a moment, the barest hint of amusement still evident on Levi’s face.
A few seconds passed before he frowned again though, sighing and shifting out
of Erwin’s grip to lie on his back.
“Levi.” Erwin started, because he knew what he was still thinking. “You
promised you would go. You’re going to like it. You’ll have a good time, and
you probably won’t even want to come home.”
“What if I’m not ready to go yet?”
“Because of me? Or because of something else.”
Erwin knew what the answer was, and Levi must have known that he knew because
he didn’t answer. Instead he was quiet for another moment, frowning delicately
again while he apparently came to some sort of conclusion, and then rolled back
over to throw a leg over Erwin’s waist.
“Whatever, old man. Just forget I said anything.” He said, leaning forward so
he could plant a kiss on his lips. “If I’m going, then you’d better not let the
next two weeks go to waste.”
Erwin didn’t, and didn’t deny himself spending as much time as possible with
Levi right up until the night before he left. They didn’t so much as say
goodbye as they had long, drawn out sex in Erwin’s bed, a quiet feeling of
finality to it while Levi clung to him the entire time as tightly as he could,
his grip desperate as if he didn’t want to let go. They slept wrapped around
each other with Erwin’s nose buried in Levi’s hair, with Erwin planning to ask
Levi out for breakfast when they woke up the next morning.
When his alarm went off, though, and he opened his eyes, Levi was already gone.
He hadn’t even left a note.




 
 
Five months later, Erwin found himself at the train station with a gift bag in
his hand, checking the time on his phone over and over again until his train
finally arrived. As he boarded it and found a seat at the end of the car,
setting the bag in his lap, he was filled with a mix of nervousness and
excitement, wondering as he had been for days whether he should be doing this
or not.
It felt right, more right than anything at this point, and he knew he wanted
it, but he couldn’t stop the voice in the back of his head that made him worry
that this might be a mistake. What if he got there and he wasn’t wanted
anymore? What if he was intruding?
Still, he supposed, it was worth a shot, and he wasn’t going to turn back now.
The train ride was four hours long, and he tried to distract himself by reading
or doing what work he could on his phone, but he couldn’t. He was too consumed
with thoughts about his destination, and he just ended up tapping his foot
anxiously against the floor and staring out the window for most of the ride.
When he finally arrived, he had to take a 45 minute cab ride out of the city
and into another small community. It seemed to last forever, but with every
second that passed he got closer, and the butterflies in his stomach began to
grow stronger. Eventually, they ended up on a busy street parked outside rows
and rows of identical townhouses - the buildings older, but nice - a long
sidewalk in front of them that ran parallel to the street.
“This is it.” The cab driver told him, looking at Erwin in his rearview mirror
before he told him the fee.
Erwin looked at him and then out the window, swallowing before he thanked the
driver, paying him and climbing out of the cab a few seconds later. As soon as
the door shut behind him the taxi drove away, and Erwin paused for a moment to
stare at the buildings. He reached into his pocket to check the address he’d
written on a piece of paper for what must have been the hundredth time that
day, and locating which townhouse he wanted by the numbers on the doors, he
took a deep breath, smoothing his shirt down and running a hand through his
hair before he headed up the sidewalk.
It was Saturday and this was a busy community, apparently, because he glimpsed
plenty of people around outside the houses and on the sidewalks, walking their
dogs, jogging, or climbing in and out of their parked cars. No one paid him any
mind though, and if his heart wasn’t hammering so fast in his chest now Erwin
might have noticed how nice and peaceful the area seemed.
When he reached the stoop of the right house, he stopped in front of the door,
staring at the number and pausing for a moment before he braced himself and
rang the bell. For one long, agonizing moment it was quiet, and Erwin had the
sudden jolting thought that he might have come all this way for nothing. He
wasn’t expected, and despite all of his careful planning that day and the few
days prior, he had somehow failed to anticipate that no one might be home when
he arrived. But then he heard footsteps and his heart skipped a beat,
straightening and forcing a smile onto his face in preparation for the door to
open. Only when it did, he immediately deflated, because the person on the
other side was a man with sandy blonde hair and not who he had come to see.
He hadn’t been expecting that either, and he was so caught off guard that he
froze for a second and didn’t say anything. The smile had melted off his face,
and one long, quiet second later, he noticed the man in front of him was giving
him a weird look because he was waiting for him to speak.
“Hello.” Erwin said then, clearing his throat. “Is Levi here?”
“Yeah.” The man said, blinking at him before turning around.
As he did so, Erwin was struck by déjà vu, the same feeling he’d gotten from
being around Levi at first. It wasn’t as strong, but it was enough to get his
attention and make him wonder if he’d known this man in his past life too.
“Levi!” He shouted, leaving the door cracked and disappearing back inside.
“There’s some old guy here to see you.”
Erwin might have sighed but he’d barely heard him, because suddenly he was too
busy worrying about who this young man was. He was wearing a t-shirt and
boxers, dressed in pajamas like he lived there. He could always be Levi’s
roommate, but what if he wasn’t? What if he was someone else Levi had known
from their past lives that he’d been with too? Even if he wasn’t, what if he
had moved on and found someone else his own age?
These were all thoughts that he’d considered before coming, of course, but it
had never seemed like a real possibility until now. It was ironic, considering
at one point he’d tried to convince himself that this was what he wanted for
Levi. If that was the case he would be happy for him, but that didn’t stop the
fears from running through his mind rapidly while he waited.
He hadn’t spoken to Levi once since he’d left, concerned that Levi might not
want him to from the way he’d just disappeared without even leaving a note. It
was likely that he’d done it just to make it as painless as possible, because
after all, Erwin had been the one to insist they weren’t in any kind of
relationship, pushing him away still after all that they’d been through. He
didn’t owe Erwin any kind of formal goodbye, but he hadn’t anticipated complete
silence on his end, either. Was this why?
Soon, he heard footsteps approaching again, footsteps that he recognized
immediately. It was Levi, and he threw open the door with a confused scowl on
his face. It melted as soon as he saw Erwin, though, his expression turning
into a wide-eyed look of surprise that stopped him in his tracks.
“Erwin.” He said, his lips parting and his eyebrows raising while he looked him
over, glancing at him in shock like he couldn’t believe he was there. After
another second he regained his senses and just looked confused again, and he
frowned before meeting Erwin’s gaze. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Is that-” Erwin started, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the house.
He was referring to the other man who had answered the door, and although he’d
heard Levi’s question, he had to know who he was before he went any further
with this. Levi only squinted at first, not understanding for a second before
he realized who he was talking about, and turned around to glance behind him
before stepping outside.
“Its Farlan.” He answered, closing the door and looking up at Erwin. “He
doesn’t remember anything as best I can tell.”
“Farlan? Is he…? Are you and him-” Erwin stuttered, because he could not recall
who Farlan was either.
“What? Are you asking if we’re fucking? No, you idiot.”
Levi cringed and shook his head as he answered, and Erwin almost breathed a
sigh of relief. He relaxed, and then allowed himself to finally look Levi over.
He was 18 now, and even though it had only been a few months since Erwin had
seen him last, he could see where he looked a bit older already. His face
wasn’t as round and his jaw had grown sharper, and he’d filled out some
everywhere else and didn’t appear as slender. Not that Erwin could tell easily,
because he apparently still dressed like he always had - in an oversized
hoodie, jeans, and dirty converse.
“Levi.” He said after another second, swallowing and giving him a small smile,
his heart warming at the sight of him now that the anxiety had gone away.
“Are you going to answer my question?” Levi mumbled.
He crossed his arms and was doing his best to look stubborn, on the defensive
presumably until he knew why Erwin was here. Erwin didn’t blame him. After all,
they’d been through a lot, and much of it had been Erwin denying him.
“I came to see you.” Erwin said, lifting a hand and then stopping himself. He
wanted to touch him, wanted to hug him to his chest or stroke his hair, but he
hadn’t yet seen any sign from Levi that he would allow him to. “I miss you,
Levi.”
Levi’s eyes widened a bit before he looked away, his mouth pulling into a sharp
frown that didn’t disguise the pink blush that immediately formed on his
cheeks.
“Yeah? So? Maybe you should’ve thought about that before.”
Before you let me leave. That was the unsaid implication of his words, words
that had Erwin’s hesitant smile wilting a bit. Levi was right, of course, and
had every reason to be annoyed with him. Erwin had finally relented and allowed
Levi into both his bed and his heart, only to push him away because he wanted
him to go to college, once again without considering Levi’s feelings.
That had been the deal they’d made after Levi had gotten his scholarship,
though, but regardless, Erwin wasn’t lying when he said he’d missed him. He
missed talking to him, seeing him all the time, holding him in his arms and his
presence next to him in bed. He thought about it everyday, pined for him and
had even left the pillow Levi used unwashed because it smelled like him. There
was an aching emptiness in his chest that had grown ever since he left, and
that he knew now wasn’t going to just go away.
He was foolish to think that it would, and even if it was selfish, he had come
to the conclusion over the past few months that he didn’t care anymore. He
couldn’t bear to be without him, to continue suffering with this loneliness,
and he only hoped that Levi still felt the same way.
"I know." Erwin said then, speaking quietly. "I made a mistake. I want to try
and fix it."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean...well, let me put it this way. I came to see if you’d allow me to take
you to dinner."
"Dinner? Like, on a date?" Levi still hadn't lifted his eyes to look at him
again until that moment, and Erwin thought, with a hopeful skip of his heart,
that his concerned frown had lessened just a little.
"Yes. I want to-" Erwin started and then stopped, trying to find the right
words so he could tell him as best he could. "I shouldn't have let you leave
like that. I shouldn't have pretended there wasn't anything between us. I miss
you, like I said, and I want to pick up where we left off. I think we could
make a relationship work, a real one, now, even while you're in college. If you
want to, of course."
Levi stayed silent, staring up at Erwin and taking his words in. He was quiet
long enough for Erwin to worry that he was going to say no, so after a few
seconds he cleared his throat, shifting on his two feet nervously.
"Do you want to?" He asked, frowning while Levi chewed on his lip.
"Do you mean it?" Levi said, his voice sounding small. His cheeks were red and
although he was still frowning, his eyes were wide.
"Yes, I do. I love you, Levi." Was Erwin’s response, his voice starting to
betray some of the emotion he felt.
"Prove it."
Erwin blinked at Levi's demand, his mind a whirlwind and his heart hammering
rapidly. That certainly hadn’t been the response he’d expected after his
declaration of love, but he did understand Levi’s apprehension. He just wasn't
sure how he could prove it right here and right now, without being given a long
term chance. But after a moment’s pause where he thought and then looked
around, glimpsing the pedestrians on the sidewalk and the cars passing by that
reminded him they were in public, he did the only thing he could think of:
taking a step forward, he bent, grabbing Levi by the back of the neck and
tilting his head up so he could kiss him.
It was a firm kiss, but it was brief, Erwin not wanting to linger in case Levi
rejected him. Still, though, Levi’s eyes - kept open just like Erwin’s - went
wide when he did it, their gazes locking before Erwin pulled away. There was a
single second where Levi stared at him, his face reddening, where Erwin feared
this hadn’t been enough. But then Levi reached forward to grab him again,
lifting himself up onto his tiptoes so he could press their lips together
again.
It was the best response Erwin could have hoped for, and he couldn’t help the
relief he felt, the sudden swell of happiness that blossomed in his chest and
made his mouth curve up into a wide smile. It was still pressed against Levi’s,
and this time he closed his eyes, moving to wrap him up in a tight embrace. He
picked him up a second later after Levi threw his arms around his neck, winding
his legs around his waist next and hauling himself up so that Erwin had to tilt
his head back. He opened his mouth, suddenly lost in Levi’s scent and the still
familiar taste of him, neither one of them remembering or caring that they were
basically in Levi’s front yard where anyone could see them.
Not that it mattered, Levi was 18, but they were kissing so eagerly that they
were probably making quite a scene for anyone that was watching. When Levi
wound his fingers in Erwin’s hair though and nipped at his bottom lip, Erwin
jerked his head away and pulled back, suddenly aware of their surroundings
again.
“You’re such a fucking idiot.” Levi said, his breath short as he spoke. “Why
didn’t you come sooner, why didn’t you call me? You didn’t even text.”
“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk to me. You left without really saying
goodbye, and then when I didn’t hear anything, I figured you were okay with
it.”
“Oh.” Levi said, slumping down against Erwin’s chest, still in his arms. He
frowned and laid his chin on his shoulder, huffing loudly. “I thought the same
shit.”
“I think that makes us both stupid. But, I’m sorry.”
Erwin chuckled as he spoke and ignored Levi’s sound of indignation, sliding the
hand that wasn’t still holding his gift bag up to cup the back of his head.
“I love you.” He said again softly, kissing his cheek.
He wasn’t repeating it because he wanted a response, but after everything they
had been through, he wanted to make sure Levi understood.
“Me too.” Levi replied though, to his delight, although the words were muffled
into his shoulder.
Erwin squeezed him tight and pressed one more peck to his lips before putting
him down, happier and more content than he had been in months.
“What’s that?” Levi asked then, pointing at the bag Erwin held.
“Ah, its a gift. For you.”
He handed the bag to Levi who looked inside it, reaching in to pull out a box
containing a brand new smartphone.
“Its to replace your old phone, obviously. Its just like mine, so now we can
video chat and send voice recordings. I thought it would help with the
distance. Provided that you agreed to try this, of course.”
“Yeah.” Levi answered, staring at the phone. He was clearly pleased, that much
was obvious by the way he was looking at it with interest, turning the box over
and over again in his hands.
His other phone was old, Erwin knew, and had barely been in working condition
before he left. He couldn’t imagine what it was like now, and with as much time
as Levi had spent on the device before, he figured that he would appreciate
this more than a new laptop.
Smiling down at him and glad he liked the gift, Erwin bent to kiss him on the
forehead one more time, unable to stop himself from hugging again. It felt
nice, after all this time, to feel Levi’s body pressed back against his. When
he held him, he almost did not want to let go.
“Where do you want to go for dinner?”
“I’m not hungry yet.” Levi declared in response, pulling away suddenly to grab
Erwin’s arm, jerking him forward and opening the door again.
“Levi, wait.” He protested, but it was too late.
He nearly tripped trying to pull out of Levi’s grip, but he was already inside.
It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go in, he just wasn’t sure if he should with
Levi’s roommate, Farlan, at home. He was currently sitting at a desk with his
back to the door, though, completely focused on playing some kind of video
game. When they walked in and Levi shut the door, he didn’t even budge,
ignoring them both as Levi then pulled at Erwin’s sleeve again, nudging him to
follow him up the nearby stairs.
Erwin did so at a quick pace, if only to get away from Farlan, and ended up in
Levi’s bedroom with the door shut behind them. As soon as he turned around to
face him, Levi was kissing him again, grabbing at his shirt to tug him down.
Before he knew it, Levi was turning him around and unbuttoning his shirt - his
new phone placed safely on a nearby table - and pulling him toward his bed.
“Levi-” Erwin started, wondering if they should be doing this already and with
his roommate just downstairs.
He wasn’t surprised Levi was already after this, of course, but he was planning
on staying the whole weekend and on getting a hotel, surely he could wait until
after dinner and until they had more privacy, couldn’t he?
“I haven’t seen your dick in months.” Levi blurted, though, stepping back to
pull off his hoodie and answering Erwin’s question. “I’m tired of jerking off,
and my fingers aren’t enough. I want your cock in my ass again.”
Erwin opened his mouth to reply, but then stopped when he saw the shirt Levi
had been wearing underneath. It was his, one of the faded, long-sleeved t-
shirts he had always liked to wear around his house. He must have taken it when
he’d left, and Erwin hadn’t even noticed because it was one he never wore.
“Do you not want to, or something?” Levi asked in a low voice, regarding him
with a raised eyebrow and hooking his fingers in his pants.
No, that was certainly not the case, especially taking in Levi’s appearance
now. Erwin was already half hard from Levi kissing and rubbing all over him,
but the sight of him drowning in his shirt, one shoulder nearly hanging out of
the collar, caused his pants to tighten even more.
He supposed they could fool around here before dinner, if they were quiet.
After all, it had been quite a while. With that in mind, he moved forward
instead of answering Levi’s question out loud, placing his hands on his waist
and pushing him the rest of the way back onto the bed gently. As they fell onto
it together, Erwin landed on top of him on his hands and knees, his hair
falling out of place and into his eyes, and kissed him.
“That’s what I thought. I need to pay you back for that new phone somehow, old
man.” Levi said, grabbing Erwin’s face so he could look into his eyes and
quirking a brow. “Or, should I call you daddy now?”
End Notes
     And then Erwin became Levi's sugar daddy and they all lived happily
     ever after, the end. <3
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