Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8701246.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Character:
      Sam_Winchester, Dean_Winchester, John_Winchester
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, Fluff, First_Time, Pre-Canon
  Collections:
      Sinful_Desire
  Stats:
      Published: 2008-01-13 Completed: 2008-02-11 Chapters: 3/3 Words: 6306
****** This is my family, it's little and broken but good, yes it's still good
******
by Mark [archived by sinfuldesire_archivist]
Summary
     Sam is 15 and something has happened between him and Dean that they
     are trying to forget but when Sammy struggles with an essay Dean
     helps him and they discover how they really feel. Will hopefully
     continue for a few chapters following their relationship as it grows.
     Will be pg 13 to start but nc17 eventually. Let me know if you like
     it.
Notes
     Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally
     archived at Sinful-Desire.org. To preserve the archive, we began
     importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in
     November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted
     announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or
     know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on
     Sinful_Desire_collection_profile.
***** Chapter 1 *****

Author's notes: My story will be slow going, i will work up to sex but like to
build some tension first, let me know what you think.
===============================================================================
Sam Winchester sighed doodling as he read the assignment he had been given, it
was due soon but the trouble was whilst Sam was a good student he had some
distractions. Not the usual distractions of a 15 year old boy but demon hunting
distractions. Like right now his brother dean was loading up the gear needed to
go hunt a werewolf, a damn werewolf for Christs sake, who would believe him?.
Sam smirked as he pictured the faces of his current fellow students as he told
them the truth about his messed up life, the smirk fell from his lips as he
pictured being dragged off in a straight jacket.
 
A frown buried into his features as he pictured how pissed Dean and dad would
be when they had to break him free. Yeah his life was royally messed up and he
had no one to share it with, other than his sarcastic older brother. Whilst he
was sure most the time he loved Dean he got tired of the way Dean pushed him
around and teased him so much. They used to be close, sure Dean was always well
Dean but he was also always there for Sam and Sam missed him. Things were
strained between them and Sam knew it was his fault that Dean was pulling away.
Sam pushed the thoughts away and sighed again rolling off the bed hating the
fact that he had no room to escape to.
 
Dean didn't look up from his careful maintenance of the guns on the bed but Sam
heard the sarcasm in his voice and knew what face his brother was pulling,
"whats got you sighing Sammy, you sound like a girl"
 
Sam rolled his eyes and threw a spare pen at Deans head, "jerk."
 
"Bitch," deans response was instant and it made Sam smile at how warmly dean
called him a bitch, it was something comfortable between them almost a fond
nickname for each other, yeah they were screwed up.
 
But for once it wasn't their lives which was making him sigh or the fact that
he had an essay to write when he knew most his time would be spent hunting or
even the big secret he carried deep inside his heart no this time it was the
nature of the essay.
 
"They want me to write about my family * Sam could hear the whine in his voice
but didn't care, he felt like whining, writing or talking about his family was
never easy. He felt Dean tense and understood why and was prepared for the
lecture.
 
"I don't see the problem there Sammy, just make sure you don't put anything in
there that could get us into trouble, last thing we need is some psych teacher
reading your paper and deciding we need to be investigated again."
 
Sam flinched at the again, he had been 9 years old and still dean never let him
forget it, he felt the anger rise in him like a wave and tired to keep a hold
of it but failed miserably. "well if we weren't so screwed up then maybe i
could write a normal essay and not have to work hard making us sound like the
Brady's, besides that was years ago are you ever going to trust me, i was a kid
then. "
 
Dean raised his eyebrow at him and smirked, "dude the fucking Brady's? they
were more messed up than we are, so don't use them as an example, plus Sammy
you still are a kid and untill you start proving you can be trusted not to get
yourself and this family in trouble I will keep reminding you to not screw up."
 
Sam hated the way dean did that the way he laughed things off or was sarcastic
or the way he shut him out, they way he knew exactly how to hurt him with just
words. There was a time Dean would have done anything to stop him getting upset
let alone cause the pain himself. Now it was like Dean enjoyed hurting him and
pointing out what a dissapointment he was, ever since that night a few weeks
back, Dean did everything to push him away. Sam hated that Dean would think of
him that way and felt the tears build and the emotion stick in his throat so he
just flipped dean off and stalked into the bathroom needing some space to
breathe.
 
Dean rubbed the back of his neck sighing softly, "Sammy...." sometimes he
didn't get his little brother, Dean understood he was 15 and emotions were high
for anyone that age but Sammy would break into tears at the smallest thing. He
had seen the tears brimming in his brothers eyes and for a moment he had wanted
to comfort him but had held back and now he felt like an ass.
 
Dean hadn't meant to upset him but yet he knew his comments would hurt his
brother and if he stopped long enough to look he would know why he was pushing
Sammy away. "For his own good," Dean muttered to himself arguing why he had
said those things when they were not true, Sammy was not the screw up but Dean
knows Sam sees himself that way. Sammy was just a kid when he made the mistake
that nearly tore their already broken family apart so he could not be blamed
for that, but Dean knew Sammy held guilt over more recent events and the one
that happened when he was 9.
 
All their lives their dad had warned them what they should tell people, he
explained how other adults may see him as a bad dad for dragging them around
the country. Of course if they knew what their dad really did he would be a
hero but dean knew it needed to be a secret and would do anything to protect
his family.
 
Sammy had almost thrown that all away when he was 9, by talking to a teacher
about his life, sure Sammy had only just learnt the true extent of 'monsters
are real and we hunt them' but for a 13 year old Dean it was no excuse. For
weeks Dean watched as his dad worried over the fate of his sons and if he
should risk taking off with them in the middle of the night. His dad had chosen
to stay and let ever goverment official that wanted to see Sammy see him and
after an eternity they decided his dad was doing a good enough job.
 
It had blown over and his dad was relieved and gentle with Sammy telling him
why he cannot tell people the truth, but Dean was not so forgiving.
 
He didn't talk to his brother for three weeks despite Sam's tears and pleading
Dean was so angry he knew if he said anything he would hit out and hurt his
baby brother. He wasn't even that angry that Sam had talked, though that pissed
him off as he had always kept shut to protect them and dad so Sammy should have
too. It was the fear that made Dean stay angry at his brother he had always
felt calm and in control even when a werewolf was running at him. He always
knew what to do or what to say, he was responsible, he took care of Sammy he
protected dad. But for a few weeks dean lost that control and fear seeped into
him as he realised there was a real possibility that they could loose Sammy. He
was 13 at the time and knew he had made Sammy's life hell for a while, when
really it wasn't Sammy's fault, Dean realised it years later and he regret how
he had hurt Sammy but he wasn't ever able to find the words to say that.
 
And now he had just opened new wounds when things were still strained between
them.
 
Dean tugged at his short hair sighing, and tonight he had done yet another
grand job of supporting his little brother. Dean weighed up his options as he
looked at the bathroom door wondering if he had time to mend some bridges
before getting the gear ready for tonights hunt.
 
A cold knot of fear had started to develop in him for a while now and it was
similar to that time when he was sure they would take his brother away, except
this time it was less intense but the feeling grew every day. Sammy was distant
and pulling away he voiced how he hated this life more and more and argued with
dad whenever he was around. What really troubled him was the distance between
them, growing up how they had left little room for distance and despite their
fights and harsh words they were always united, unbreakable. But lately Dean
felt like his baby brother was slipping away even more so since that night Sam
crawled into his bed.
 
Dean knew that if he didn't act soon he would wake up one day to find Sammy
gone.
 
It was this thought that made Deans decision for him as he knocked on the
bathroom door, "hey Sammy quit jerking off and get out here would ya."
 
The door flung open and sam stood there glaring his eyes a little red and moist
and Dean felt the desire to wrap him in his arms and tell him everything would
be alright just like he used to. But Sam is bigger now, hell he is almost
bigger than him and he is afraid of things happening between them if they
embrace, he doesn't let his mind dwell much longer. So instead he pats Sammy on
the shoulder and steers him to the bed, "OK sit down and tell me why you having
such a hard time writing this essay, your the genius of the family dude."
 
Sam sat down and sniffed wondering what the hell had bought the change in Dean,
he was almost being nice and helpful like he used to, before sam screwed up.
Sam smiled as Dean complimented him without realising it and felt the anger
melt away, "hmmmm well its a basic essay really just i am supposed to write it
about family life for the Winchesters and focus on the realtionships and the
roles we play but most of our lives is too secret to go in this essay."
 
Dean relaxed as Sammy's smile came back and took the paper from Sammy smiling
as he read the essay title, he had done a similar thing and for him it had been
easy to talk about the family he had despite all the things he had to leave
out. "Look Sammy this is pretty simple stuff, you just need to read behind the
everyday stuff and see the family we are without the hunting and the demons."
 
Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes, "yeah cause we are a great family when you
take that stuff away, so normal." Sam flashed back to that night remembering
how good it had felt under his brother and later Dean telling him it wasn't
normal.
 
Dean felt the anger flare easily inside "you know maybe if you were not such a
brat you would appreciate what you have is a damn site better than what most
people have, and normal is not so great." Dean despised normal and hated how
Sam always wanted to fit that role, which is why he had pushed him away, if
they took that path Sam could never handle being so far from normal.
 
Sam felt the anger burn in his chest as he stood shouting at his brother, "
yeah cause I bet most kids would love a dad that is never here, a dead mom and
a brother that uses his little brother to get off and then declares it as not
normal." Sam knew he had crossed the line a second to late and he sensed the
punch before he felt it but didn't try to dodge the fist, mostly because really
he deserved it.
 
Dean watched his brother fall back on the bed blood pouring from his nose and
lip and if it wasn't for the hurt shining in those big eyes he would have
straddled his brother and continued to lay into him. Instead Dean turned
grabbed two bags off his bed and stomped out to the Impala deciding he was
safer away from Sammy right now.
 
Sam lay his head back feeling the blood trickle down his cheeks but made no
move to wipe them clean just as he made no move to wipe the tears that ran
freely mixxing with the slow stream of blood.
***** Chapter 2 *****

Author's notes: Thanks for the comments guys, hope you like the next part,
sorry about any errors I amnot great at editing. Let me know what you think.
 
 
===============================================================================
By the time John returned to the motel that evening both boys had worked
themselves into a angry silence, the atmosphere was thick with tension and one
look at Sammy told John Winchester all he needed to know.
 
John turned to his eldest son, "Dean, how many times do I have to tell you to
not hit your brother?, your supposed to look out for him."
 
Dean glared at Sam and bit back his comment of "he started it", instead he
nodded and managed to barely spit out a "sorry sir," but continued to burn
holes into Sam as their dad laid into him.
 
Sam felt guilty, he hadn't wanted to get Dean into trouble, he was mad at him
but he knew he had pushed his brother to far which is why he had cleaned the
blood away and had no intention of complaining to their dad.. But their dad was
too observant and obviously noticed the slight swelling and the tension between
his two sons.
 
Sam felt anger grow inside him as he watched his dad barking orders to Dean and
laying into him about how he has to be more responsible. He may be mad at Dean
but he was always angry at his dad, some days he was sure he hated him but that
feeling would pass and he would feel guilt. Still the hatred always returned,
he hated their fathers obsession the way he dumped everything on Dean, the way
he dragged them around like his soldiers. The way he never told him once how
proud he was of his academic achievements, how he would always choose to tear
into Dean rather than thank him for doing the job he should be doing.
 
Sam didn't even think as he strode across the room between Dean and his dad,
glaring at his father, " maybe if you were around more then maybe Dean wouldn't
get so fed up with me, maybe if we lived anywhere long enough to make friends
we wouldn't live in each others pockets and drive each other insane."
 
John looked at his youngest son calmly not surprised at the sudden outburst, he
was always the bad guy in Sammy's eyes, even when he was trying to protect him.
He struggled to understand why his youngest didn't understand why everything he
did was to keep his boys safe.. John tried hard to control himself not wanting
to fight, they didn't have time for one of Sammy's temper tantrums. "I suggest
you watch your tone Sammy, I am your father and you may be pissed at me for the
life you lead but you will respect me, is that understood?."
 
Sam stood there defiantly staring his father down until he felt Deans hand warm
and gentle against the small of his back, making him relax slightly. That small
comforting touch did more for him than a thousand words from his father ever
could, so sam backed down, because Dean had asked him to in that small touch
and because he owed Dean that much. "I understand sir."
 
John could feel the electricity building between him and his youngest and knew
what was coming another round of John verses Sam with Dean as the peacemaker.
Since Sam turned 14 he became impossible wanting and demanding things that Dean
had never wanted. Sure Dean had had his issues as a teenager but he was always
ready to follow him, he had never got that from his youngest and it pained him
greatly to know his son hated him so much. Dean, always the peacemaker calmed
Sammy in an instant and John felt a sadness in his heart he could not explain,
why he should feel so sad that his two boys were so close no words were needed
he didn't know. After all it was everything he had pushed on them since Sammy
was a baby, but at times he wished that he was the one close to both his sons
and being the peacemaker between them both.
 
John hesitated for a moment wanting to put into words all he felt but feeling
unable to, instead he ruffled Sammy's hair and squeezed Deans shoulder as he
passed them. " I will be back in an hour, be ready."
 
Both boys turned and nodded, "yes sir," John sighed at the divide between him
and his sons and wished he could be closer to them, but it already felt to late
to fix the damage. John Pushed the door open wanting to be far away from the
emotions his boys bought out in him, because it was times like these he really
missed Mary, she would always know what to do.
 
Back in the motel Dean started to get ready for the hunt all anger gone and now
just a sense of sadness. The moment his Sammy had stuck up for him all anger he
had melted away, he hated how easily Sammy could do that. One minute he would
piss Dean off to the point of wanting to hurt him and the next he had him
wanting to hold on tight to his little brother and protect him from the world.
He hated when Sammy and his dad had fights, but it didn't stop him being glad
that for now he and Sammy were OK.
 
"You need any help packing you bag Sammy," Dean felt almost awkward for some
reason he couldn't place as he looked at his brother wanting to fill the
silence.
 
Sam grinned at him and all awkwardness faded as Sammy threw his bag at Dean and
smirked, " yeah make sure you get everything, and when your done Jeeves can you
pull the car around the front."
 
Dean rolled his eyes throwing the bag back at his little brother but couldn't
help the smile on his lips knowing that at least for now things were OK between
them. Dean had learnt long ago to take what you can get for as long as it
lasts.
 
Both boys fell into a comfortable silence as they prepared for the hunt, a slow
feeling of nervous excitement began to build as the time for their hunt grew
close. Sam knew he complained about this life but he had been trained to fight,
to kill, to hunt, so even he couldn't help being excited over some of the
hunts. Afterwards he would usually be high on adrenaline and enjoy the buzz
once he knew his brother was still alive and intact. It was that which always
killed the buzz, the thought that every hunt they went on could be the last he
goes on with Dean.
 
It doesn't strike Sam odd that he doesn't hold the same fear for his father, he
had been feeling that fear since he was little and slowly it had faded, but
with Dean the fear just grew more intense. Sam felt sure he would die without
his brother there even if he was an ass most the time.
 
Both boys quietly left as the hour was up knowing their dad would be waiting in
the car and whilst neither would know it they both shared the fear that this
could be the last moment together as brothers. once they were on the hunt they
were hunters and if they were killed then this would be it, still neither of
them could find words, how did you tell someone everything you ever wanted to
say in just a few moments?
 
Dean reached out to squeeze Sammy's hand gently, a small comforting touch that
was over in seconds but as both boys climbed into the truck, neither could deny
the spark that soft touch had caused. Both boys felt the felt a weird sensation
in the pit of their stomach, the feelings that has been building for years with
each brief contact until they had been unable to ignore it anymore.
 
 
If John Winchester had not been so focused on the hunt a head he would have
noticed the way both his sons were blushing as they remembered the night they
had tried so hard to forget.
 
**Flashback**
 
 
"Dean, I think I had way too much to drink," Sam swayed as his brother
supported him laughing at how drunk he was.
 
 
"Sammy, your such a lightweight, you had two beers."
 
 
Sam laughed along with his brother not realising it wa shim they were laughing
at as he swung his other arm around his brother so they faced eachother, their
legs tangling as they fell to the bed, Dean crushing his baby brother under
him, both still laughing.
 
 
Eventually the laughter died and both boys realised at the same time that Dean
was pressed against Sam and their faces were inches apart and their hearts were
racing.
 
 
Dean had been drinking enough beers to pretend this was ok that it was normal
as they lay there staring at eachother breathing one anothers air, the tingling
warmth spreading through them both at the close contact. It was ok in Deans
eyes because it was innocent it would never go further. Then Sammy smiled
softly biting his bottom lip his eyes going heavy with lust and all Deans
resolve flew out the window as he ...........
 
** End of Flashback**
 
 
"Boys..... BOYS, come alive would you, i need your heads focused tonight not in
another land."
 
 
Dean and Sam nodded at their dad and paid close attention to his instructions,
Dean chose to ignore the way his pants were suddenly too tight, hoping denial
would help him out. Sam could not ignore his response to that memory and
applied some pressure with the palm of his hand wishing more than anything he
was somewhere alone. Sam started to think of how many schools he had attended
in the last year alone and sure enough his trick worked enough so he could
listen to his dad enough to hopefully live through this night.
***** Chapter 3 *****

Author's notes: Thanks for the reviews guys, hope you like this part.
===============================================================================
The door to the motel swung open hitting the wall hard as john winchester
stormed in closely followed by his two sons, the youngest supporting the eldest
who was clearly injured. Sam struggled to the nearest bed dropping Dean down on
the bed as gently as possible. John was already getting the supplies as Sam
removed what was left of deans shirt nd tried hard not to cry as he saw the
deep claw wounds lining his brothers chest and arms. They worked quickly both
searching for bite wounds as they cleaned and dressed Deans wounds. Both
breathed a sigh of relief when no bite mark was revealed and Sam felt some of
the panic in him settle. Dean was groaning now in pain and confusion and they
set to work feeding him whiskey and pain killers hoping to help ease his
suffering.
 
Eventually Dean was settled and sleeping due to the alcohol mixed with some
strong painkillers and john sat heavily into a chair blood covering his hands,
his sons blood, "he could have died," flashed through his mind constantly as he
knocked back what was left of his whiskey. He could feel the shock settle in as
he played over what had happened, it was how he had felt after Mary was killed.
 
He had spent weeks in a daze of shock and confusion playing it over before that
was replaced by rage. Even now he could feel the shock fade and become clouded
with anger, he couldn't't't understand how this had happened. Looking at his
youngest John flinched at the thought that entered his mind, "was Sammy to
blame for this?"
 
John looked at the pale teenager covered in blood, Deans blood, he was holding
Deans hand and watching him breathe as though worried each breath would be his
last.
 
"What the hell happened out there?" His voice was low but there was no
mistaking the anger lacing his words.
 
It was enough to reach Sam in his shocked state and he looked up sharply at
John and for a moment his eyes were filled with fear and pain so raw it made
John ache to hold his boy and comfort him, tell him everything would be OK. But
things were not OK they had screwed up tonight and when they screwed up it
could cost lives and that was not OK.
 
John stared at his son waiting and saw as the anger flared up replacing the
fear, John was almost thankful for that, almost.
 
"We should not have been out there, we were trapped by two of them, didn't you
know?" it came out as a whisper but was full of anger. Sam felt lost, his
brother who was always so strong was laying injured and whilst Sam recognized
the wounds were not enough to kill Dean, he was still recovering from the shock
of seeing Dean ripped open. Sam had screamed as the blood flowed and in his
rage he had tackled the beast ending it within seconds, he had thought Dean was
dead and realising he wasn't was just sinking in. Now his dad was asking him to
explain what happened and he felt the numbing shock slowly turning to anger.
 
Sam read it all in his dads eyes and voice, his dad knew them well as hunters,
well enough to know if they screwed up it would have been him. Sam was a good
hunter but unlike Dean he screwed up a lot and his dad never let him forget it.
He couldn't't't even deny it, it was his fault Dean was lying there injured he
had become distracted as they waited. Dean had been pressed up against his side
and the contact had become too much the tingling sensation had run up and down
his arm and made his tummy feel funny and he had allowed himself moments to
gaze at his brother. Their dad was tracking the main one and Sam had failed to
see the second approaching them because he was caught up in how Dean seemed to
glow in the moonlight. The wolf had attacked knocking Sam and Dean over into
the dirt, it had pinned Sam in seconds baring its teeth ready to kill, Dean had
saved him and now he was lying on the bed in pain because of him.
 
John stood slowly his eyes never leaving Sam's's, "we are hunters, we were
there doing a job, I may have missed that there were two, But you and your
brother were there to cover me and each other, what i want to know is why you
failed to track the second one? that was your job."
 
"It is NOT my job, i am 15, my job should be washing the dishes or mowing the
lawn, oh right we don't have one of those." Sam couldn't control the anger, he
didn't really blame his dad for this, but Dean was hurt and even though hunting
was someones responsibility and they would save lives Sam didn't want to lose
what was left of his family in the process. He resented that it was him that
had to do this, he hated the responsibility that lay so heavy on his shoulders,
on Deans shoulders, he just wanted to be normal.
 
But the real reason he was angry was that right now he needed his dad, he
needed him to tell him everything would be ok, even if it was just pretend he
needed the comfort he usually took from Dean. But Dean wasn't able to give it
and Sam needed his dad to just save the lecture and to just be there for him,
to say i know you made a mistake but it's ok, to just be a dad.
 
John shook his head in disbelief at his sons words, "it is your job, its your
job to look out for your brother on hunts to keep him and yourself alive, it is
what i taught you and it is a damn site more important than mowing some lawn."
 
John hated getting to this point with Sam, Sam never grasped why he did all
this, if he lets them relax, let them have that normal life and ignore what is
out there, it leaves them vulnerable. John couldn't't't afford to let his sons
be normal teenagers, part of him always hoped they understood, Dean seemed to
but Sam didn't and it hit John hard to know that. But he could not lose his
sons, so he was hard on them and would continue being hard on them, because he
would rather they be alive and hate him than dead.
 
Sam stood to face his dad both of them glaring at each other, this was familiar
territory to them both and Sam hated it. "I do look out for Dean i didn't want
this to happen dad but i am 15 i am allowed to make mistakes," Sam desperately
wanted his dad to see that he needed him to back off to just be there for him.
Sam could never convey that to his dad, always feeling foolish and scared,
scared that his dad would still refuse even if he spelled it out for him,
foolish for being weak enough to still need that comfort.
 
Both their voices were raised as they squared up to each other both guided by
their own pain and fears. "you are NEVER allowed to screw up Sammy, you almost
got Dean killed."
 
"Thats enough, both of you," Deans voice was shaky but strong and commanding
leaving no room for argument. Dean was propped up on his elbows, pale and
clammy and obviously in pain, upon hearing him Sam and John moved to him and
away from each other. Sam eased Dean back down against the pillows and John
held the whiskey to his lips.
 
"Come on son, drink up it will help."
 
Dean grimaced as the whiskey burned down his throat, pain shot through
everywhere and he felt like his skin was on fire. He had slowly came round
hearing the two people he loved most at each others throats, it had taken time
to wake himself enough to move and speak, to end the fight. He reached out for
Sammy's hand, too tired to say anything but wanting to comfort his baby
brother, he had seen the unshed tears in his eyes at their fathers words and he
wanted to soothe some of them away. Sam gentle squeeze was all he needed to
feel, to give into sleep, everything would be ok.
 
John watched the silent exchange and once again felt like an outsider, he would
never be able to reach Sammy on the level Dean did, it was impossible. Sighing
he stood and went to the bathroom to clean up, to wash away his sons blood from
his skin. As he watched the blood running away he wished he could wash away the
guilt he felt for not being there for Sam and for blaming him.
 
Sam felt a lump rise in his throat as his brother clammy hand wrapped around
his and he gave it a gentle squeeze to let Dean know he was ok, that everything
was ok. He was not aware that his dad had gone to the bathroom he was too busy
watching Dean to notice much else. So when his dad spoke it broke him out of
his trance and he saw that his dad clearly intended to leave.
 
" We need supplies, Dean needs antibiotics, just keep him dosed up," John knew
that it could wait, but he felt useless just watching his son sleep as his
other son watched anxiously over him. Besides John knew if he and Sammy spent
more time together it would just get explosive again.
 
Sam nodded clenching his jaw in order to stop himself saying something to start
another argument. He wanted to yell at his dad for leaving when Dean was like
this. He wanted to ask him why he thought he would take care of Dean ok if he
thought he had almost gotten him killed. It was the feeling of Deans hand that
made him stay silent, he was relaxed and needed his sleep.
 
"I will be back by morning, lay salt lines don't leave him alone till he is
well. " John paused as he opened the door, he wanted to say something, anything
to make things ok between him and Sammy but couldn't find the words so just
walked out and closed the door behind him.
 
Sam watched his dad leave wanting to say something to him to make peace before
he left, but he was not able to find the words before the door shut.
 
Sighing Sam dropped to the bed opposite where Dean lay and began peeling of the
layers of clothes soaked in blood. He didn't realize his hands were shaking
until it became impossible to undo his jeans due to his hand shaking so much.
He looked at his hands for along time at the blood that stained them and
thought of how easily Dean could of died. It was all his fault.
 
Sam stumbled to the bathroom unable to see for the tears clouding his vision it
wasn't until he struggled out of his jeans and stood under the scolding hot
spray of the shower that he finally let his tears fall. His heart gave in as
his body shook with the sobs that escaped him, the shower washing away the
blood as he sank to the floor grief overwhelming him.
 
Much later Sam emerged from the bathroom, he was no longer crying and felt a
numb feeling settle over him as he began to move on automatic. First he tended
to Dean, he woke him long enough to drink a glass of water and take some
painkillers. Then he assessed the wounds on Dean, applying more bandages where
needed. He spent some time washing away the blood from Deans body avoiding the
wounds easily . He replaced Deans bloodied sheet with his own before gathering
all the blood covered clothes and bagging them up.They would need to be burnt
in the morning but for now he just needed them out the way.Sam spent some time
cleaning the small room and laying down salt lines, he checked both his and
Deans guns and placed Deans under his pillow for him.
 
As he sat on the bed Sam never intended to fall asleep but the adrenaline was
fast wearing off and he felt so tired, he finally fell into a deep sleep
watching the rise and fall of his brothers chest as he slept, wishing he could
cuddle up to his brother but not wanting to disturb him.
 
Dean was over him his tanned skin glistening as he moved against him their
bodies moving together as he clutched at his brother desperate to have him
closer. Dean was whispering his name and Sam loved how his name sounded on his
brother lips and wanted to kiss those lips but suddenly Dean's voice changed
becoming more urgent and pained.
 
"Sammy... SAMMY."
 
Sam woke with a start as Dean's voice cut through his dreams, cursing Sam
jumped up and moved to Deans bed seeing pain in his brothers glazed eyes, Sam
quickly got his brother pain killers,
 
"I'm sorry, fell sleep, here now, theses will help." He spoke quickly his words
mixing together as he tried to clear his sleep filled mind.
 
Dean slowly took the pain killers and dropped back against the pillows. Sam
checked the wounds and eyed Dean carefully, he seemed to have fallen back
sleep. Sam knew he wouldn't sleep again and as the dream flashed through his
mind he was almost grateful, it hurt too much to be with Dean in his dreams but
not in reality. Sam sighed brushing his hand through Deans hair and started
when Dean opened his eyes looking at him, they stared at each other for a long
time the tension slowly building between them. Sam's hand brushed against his
cheek before he brushed his lips gently against Deans. Dean looked surprised
and confused and Sam suddenly felt scared moving to leave his brothers side,
the hand on his stopped him, it was gentle and hesitant unlike Dean. Their eyes
met again and Dean licked his lips and swallowed thickly, "don't leave
Sammy...please."
 
Sam sighed at the look in his brothers eyes and the small hint of desperation
in Deans voice, not trusting his own voice right now Sam nodded before laying
down carefully next to his brother his chin against deans shoulder, their hands
locked together. They breathed in time together and after sometime Sam felt his
eyes grow heavy and smiled to himself, maybe he would sleep again tonight.
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