Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13349733.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      幽☆遊☆白書_|_YuYu_Hakusho:_Ghost_Files
  Relationship:
      Hiei/Kurama_|_Minamino_Shuuichi
  Character:
      Hiei_(YuYu_Hakusho), Kurama_|_Minamino_Shuuichi, Urameshi_Yuusuke, Genkai
      (YuYu_Hakusho), Kuwabara_Kazuma, Botan_(YuYu_Hakusho), Youko_Kurama
  Additional Tags:
      Hurt_No_Comfort, Suicide_Attempt, Torture, Psychological_Torture, General
      Unpleasantness, After_Sensui_Saga, Spoilers_for_everything, Implied/
      Referenced_Underage, Non-Consensual_Bondage, Bondage, Rape, Underage_if
      you_think_Hiei_is_Underage, Inappropriate_use_of_Kurama's_plants,
      Masturbation, Forced_Masturbation, Choking, Strangulation, Some_D/
      s_elements, Gaslighting, Emotional/Psychological_Abuse, Age_Difference,
      Breathplay, Emotional_Manipulation, Rape_Aftermath, Size_Difference,
      Possessive_Behavior
  Series:
      Part 1 of Higashiyama
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-02-06 Completed: 2018-02-19 Chapters: 19/19 Words: 62744
****** The most hurtful things ******
by Parisian_Sulfur
Summary
     Hiei and Kurama are sent to investigate a Territory user who can
     alter perception.
Notes
     Welcome to this, the monstrous little thing I've been bleeding out of
     myself for the past two months. This piece is the first of two parts.
     This work was deeply influenced by doujinshi, particularly the works
     of Katsuragi Shou and Arina Toshimi.
     Updates will be every few days or so as I edit.
     ---- 
     Tags are included for a reason, and will be kept updated with each
     chapter posted.
***** Chapter 1 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"He's late," Botan muttered. She frowned at Kurama, eliciting an apologetic
smile.
"He'll show."
"He'd better," Kuwabara grumbled.
Kurama's smile softened. "He'll show."
"Are you sure?" Botan's voice was overly-worried.
Kurama tamped down on his flaring frustration. He kept his voice soft. "Of
course. Hiei will come when needed."
"I know you trust him, but-"
"He's in the city, Botan. And we'll fill him in on the news when he gets here,"
Yusuke interrupted. He gave Botan a pointed look, and tapped the map spread on
the floor before them. "Ba-san explained everything to me and Kuwabara a little
while ago." He looked up at the three of them; gone was the casual easy
laughter from just a few minutes before, replaced by a seriousness that sent
Kurama's human heart racing.
Hiei, why aren't you here?
"So Kido and the others went out with Ba-san late last night and mapped the new
Territories they found." He tapped the map.
"But surely those Territories will have moved by now," Kurama said.
"Yup." Yusuke grinned, all teeth and no happiness. "So we're going to split
up." He tapped the map. "Yana will go with Kuwabara and I and check for the
Territory we found here, and Kaito will go with you and check on this one, near
here, with Hiei when he shows up. Kido will stay with Ba-san, and they're going
to see if they can't find some more Territory users."
"I would have thought sealing the tunnel would have stopped this…" Botan
murmured.
"There's no evidence that it didn't." Kurama leaned against the wall behind
him. "So far, none of the Territory-users we've found since came into their
abilities after the tunnel's closure. They may have simply been staying under
the radar, or, more likely, were deemed by Sensui to be without value to his
cause."
Yusuke nodded. "That girl the other day, with the… touching dead things… thing.
She said someone matching Itsuki's appearance approached her almost two months
ago. He told her to not show her ability to anyone unless she wanted to die."
Kurama nodded. "After I left, did she say anything about where Hagiri went to?"
"No." Yusuke grinned. "But she did mention that she got a letter from him the
other day with a large sum of money."
Kuwabara groaned. "I hate that asshole!"
"Anyway, back on track. Two Territory-users: me and Kuwabara against this jerk,
you and Hiei against that jerk." Yusuke tapped the map.
Kurama frowned. "Does Genkai know what she's sending us against? She had said
we still need to be taking things slowly, to be cautious before making a move.
This all seems rather rushed."
"No, this is her being cautious. When she went out with them last night, she
said she was able to get something of a sense of what these Territories are.
She said there's no more information that she'll be able to get without
actually engaging with them, which is what we're doing. The two that we're
going to approach with are, well, the weakest," Yusuke admitted. "There are
others, and those are the ones Genkai and Kido will scope out."
"So who are these two that we're investigating?"
"Glad you asked." Yusuke pointed to one part of the map. "This Territory
influences something about perception. Genkai couldn't get get much of a read
beyond that, but she thought that you and Hiei would be better suited than
Kuwabara and I." He folded his arms over his chest. "Hiei had no issue seeing
through the illusions in the house when we first met Kido and everyone, and
besides, he has the Jagan. And Ba-san trusts that you're smart enough to be
able to see through anything a perception-manipulator could throw your way."
Kurama frowned. "You said Kaito would be with us."
"Only to guide you two to the right Territory-user. He's… not strong enough to
take on another Territory user." Yusuke glanced at Kuwabara. "He's not much of
a fighter, despite everything Genkai's tried to teach them. None of them are."
"So he's only guiding us until we're near the area the Territory-user was in
yesterday. And Yanagisawa will be with you, again only as a guide."
"Yeah." Yusuke tapped another part of the map. "Ba-san thinks this Territory
has something to do with gravity. Kuwabara and I should be hardy enough to deal
with it."
There was a flicker in his eyes.
Since Makai, Yusuke's been particularly excited whenever there's a fight.
He's going to need to find a better outlet than this.
Botan nodded. "I'm going to head back to Koenma-sama to regroup. There has to
be something he can offer to help us find more of the Territory-users." She
looked at them, one then another. "Right?"
"You'd know better than us, Botan," Kurama said softly.
Botan's laugh was tight and sharp. "That's right!"
"Kurama."
Kurama turned to Yusuke.
"We'll start tonight. Around midnight." He lowered his voice, glancing at
Botan. "You'll find Hiei by then, right? I don't want you going in there
alone."
Kurama nodded. "I'll find him."
 
——
 
Kurama waited until he felt Botan vanish and Kuwabara's reiki and Yusuke's
strangely blurred youki-reiki, so different from Kurama's own power, fade into
the distance. He reached up and ran his fingertips along the seedlings kept
tight and warm against his scalp.
Perception.
He leaned against a wall. The city at sunset had taken on its golden glow,
casting a soft warmth on cement and steel.
It can't be helped, can it?
He stepped out of the alleyway. This part of the town wasn't unknown to him,
having passed here occasionally after school with one classmate or another,
pretending to be…
Alter perception. Is that really so different than what I've done, as Shuichi?
He stopped at a convenience store and used the payphone to leave a message for
Shiori at her hotel.
More excuses.
There had been a time, years ago, when thinking of himself as Shuichi had felt
natural, and spending his days in a fragile human body didn't feel confining.
There had been weeks, months maybe, where he hadn't even thought of himself as
the being called Kurama but as Shuichi, little more than a precocious boy at
some top-ranked school, top of his class, with a normal life, a normal family,
normal aspirations. But these days, calling himself Shuichi felt more and more
like another lie.
As he replaced the receiver of the payphone, he sighed.
It had been hard to adjust after the Dark Tournament. He'd wanted to throw
himself fully back into his human life, but he had to admit it was a half-
hearted effort. Fighting in the Tournament had been thrilling: for the first
time in a very long time, Kurama had longed for Makai. Even though their brief
engagement with Sensui had brought back that same joy of the fight, afterwards
nothing had changed. Kurama had returned to the human realms, and returned to
being Shuichi. He'd gone back to school. He had exams, and he'd studied for
them.
For the first time in a long time, Kurama had to acknowledge that being human
had started to wear on him.
I can certainly commiserate with Yusuke's restlessness.
His hand lingered on the payphone receiver.
There had been nights during the Tournament, after the fighting had been done
for the day, when he had returned to the room he had been given to share with
Hiei-
Kurama closed his eyes.
Hiei.
Best not to think too much about it.
He would have come to me by now if he wanted to, right?
In the few weeks after the end of the Tournament, Hiei had stayed in the city.
He had flitted on the edge of Kurama's senses, never nearby but never far,
appearing only at the last minute to join the fight against Sensui.
He remembered the way Hiei had slipped back into his life, standing beside him
as always, as if he'd never gone. They'd laughed together on the steppes of
Makai. Hiei had touched him and smiled at him. Kurama had thought…
But since coming back to the human realms, the gate to Makai once again closed,
Kurama hadn't seen him at all.
Hiei.
Kurama could feel Hiei: he drew closer at night, then vanished for long
stretches during the day. Hiei's habits were too familiar by now to suggest
anything other than that Hiei had been avoiding him. Kurama knew that when he
did finally catch up to Hiei, Hiei would make some excuse, something about
having no obligations, or something about his his hatred of humanity or his
frustration of being stranded in the human realms again, or just a sound of
disgust.
But that wouldn't change the fact was simply that Hiei was avoiding him, and
had been avoiding him since the end of the Dark Tournament.
I guess that's his answer.
Hiei.
This isn't what I wanted.
And I thought that he… He didn't want this either.
But it can't be helped, can it?
Kurama straightened. He caught his reflection on the convenience store window.
His eyes were harder than he'd meant them to be. He gave himself a soft Shuichi
smile and headed out into the evening.
 
——
 
Hiei had known, of course, that Kurama was approaching him: he had felt Kurama
stop on the periphery of his awareness, then head in a nearly straight line
directly towards him. He remained where he was on the tree branch, and waited,
slowly leashing in his youki.
He knew that Kurama eventually would seek him out with some idle task, assigned
by Genkai or, worse, Koenma. Of course Kurama would give some infuriatingly
logical and inescapable reasoning for why they had to help, why it wasn't
optional, why Kurama needed Hiei by his side, why Yusuke needed him to help.
Kurama would alternate between gentle smiles and harsh words and eventually
Hiei would acquiesce. In the end Kurama would smile at him, all warmth and
sunshine and joy, and Hiei would look away in disgust, secretly happy that he'd
pleased Kurama. It was the same pattern every time, and yet Hiei never seemed
to learn.
Hiei snarled to himself.
He still had time to run.
But this was the first time Kurama had overtly pursued him.
Since-
He watched as Kurama passed below, his hands in his pockets, strolling through
the dark and empty park in his school uniform as if it were the most normal
thing in the world.
Hiei followed overhead.
Kurama brushed his fingers over a small bush as he passed. The leaves turned
dark and glossy.
There was something wrong with Kurama.
Kurama hadn't been necessarily sane before the Dark Tournament, but Hiei had
long since accepted his idiosyncrasies as just a facet of this odd confusion of
beings, this individual who somehow managed to be neither yet both the terrible
and feared Youko Kurama and a strange and weak human youth.
He had thought he understood Kurama.
But during the Tournament, Kurama had… changed.
Below, Kurama looked away as a he passed a pair of young lovers, walking hand
in hand.
It had been after that disastrous fight against the painter, and then against
the ice-wielder, then as Kurama's unconscious body had been further brutalized
by that idiot muscle-head. That was when Hiei had first realized there was a
possibility that Kurama might actually die. That night he had snapped at Kurama
for his stupidity of getting into such situations in the first place, but
Kurama hadn't responded as he'd expected. There had been no soft words or
demure apologies or wide sympathetic eyes as there should have been, as there
would have been before, as there had been in similar contexts.
Only a strange and empty silence.
Kurama had slept in his blood-drenched and tattered clothing, on top of the
sheets, turned to the wall. Hiei hadn't slept at all.
The next day, Kurama ignored him in the morning, and left the room alone.
Then after the next fight…
Hiei bared his teeth.
That Kurama had sided with the Reikai, with Koenma, against Hiei had been the
last straw. And yet he had found himself watching Kurama from a distance as
Kurama fought alongside the others against a collection of humans with powers
too strong for them to wield with any grace. He'd gone to help, still unsure of
why, and together they'd gone to Makai, and Yusuke had been reborn as something
that finally made sense.
Fighting beside Kurama had lifted a heaviness that Hiei hadn't realized he had
been carrying.
Sitting beneath orange skies, they'd laughed then, as Yusuke had discovered he
no longer had a human heart. Kurama had put his hand on the inside of Hiei's
knee, squeezing warmth and electricity that shot straight through Hiei's body;
Hiei had forgotten how Kurama could make him feel. But they were alive, all of
them, and in the wide open freedom of Makai, and Kurama was huge and power
dripped off of him as it had during that one fight-
Urashima.
Hiei clenched his fists.
In Makai, everything had suddenly felt shockingly right. There he had been,
beneath those beautiful endless skies, the wind carrying the scent of blood and
sulfur, Kurama by his side, both of them filthy and exhausted from fighting,
bruised, bleeding, and everything was just as it should be.
He had been happy.
And he thought Kurama had been too.
But then Kurama had stranded him here the human realms and proceeded to ignore
him for a month.
Why are you avoiding me, Kurama?
Why?
Kurama stopped before a fountain. His hands were back in his pockets.
The wind was soft, warm, sweet. Summer.
"I thought you'd have come earlier," Kurama said to the wind. "The others were
asking after you. There's more work to be done."
Hiei remained silent on his branch.
Kurama sighed and turned, looking up into the darkened trees, straight into
Hiei's eyes. "Hiei."
Hiei jumped down. "Kurama."
Hiei's youki swirled inside him, fighting to be let free. His teeth ached. He
held it back.
"It's been a while," Kurama said softly. "How have you been?"
Hiei glared at him, saying nothing.
He's holding his youki back too.
Kurama gave him a soft smile, the same one as always, but there was that
tension from before, that strange feeling that what Hiei was seeing and what he
was sensing were two very different things. A distance had formed between them,
when and why Hiei didn't know.
I do know.
That night-
Hiei's frown deepened. "Where were you?" His voice came out rougher than he'd
maybe intended. Maybe.
Kurama's smile was gentle, but there was that barrier again. "What do you
mean?" His voice was overly light.
What are you hiding?
And why are you hiding it so poorly?
"After Sensui."
"Oh." Kurama gave him a small, innocent laugh that set Hiei's teeth on edge.
"Just trying to get back to normal. My normal human life, that is. School,
homework, exams," Kurama said lightly. He turned away, back to the fountain.
Hiei stared at his back.
Is he… lying?
Why?
What is this?
Nervous anticipation thrummed through him, but it was made of ice and anxiety
instead of fire.
What are you hiding, Kurama?!
And why are you hiding it?
Hiei stared at Kurama's back. Hiei knew what it felt like to have Kurama's
attention. Kurama was watching the noisy fountain, ignoring Hiei completely.
There's something very, very wrong here.
"Genkai has a task for us," Kurama said softly to the wind.
Hiei said nothing.
You're obviously hiding something. You're good, old fox, but not around me.
I've known you for too long to fall for your little tricks.
Or are you not even trying?
What the fuck is going on?!
Hiei's eyes narrowed. His Jagan twitched open beneath its band.
Nothing.
Nothing out of the ordinary.
The Jagan closed.
"Another one of these… Territory-users. This particular one manipulates
perception." There was an odd cadence to Kurama's voice, a tightness that Hiei
didn't recognize.
Kurama stopped talking. His hands returned to his pockets, but not before Hiei
saw their trembling.
The ice in his veins turned to full panic.
Fear? Kurama?
Hiei turned his attention outwards. There was nothing in the park but for a few
random humans and small animals. No threats. He turned back to Kurama.
Is it… me you're afraid of?
Bitterness soured in his mouth.
No, you've proven yourself to be the stronger of both of us.
Kurama's voice was tight, strangely flat. "We're to investigate tonight."
Besides, you're not the type to show your back to an enemy. That's not your
way. Not even Youko Kurama takes an enemy so lightly to show them his back.
So it can't be me he's afraid of.
"Investigate," Hiei repeated. "Does the old witch mean investigate or kill?"
Kurama glanced over his shoulder. His eyes were oddly dark. "She didn't
specify. I assume she wants information, considering what she said yesterday."
He turned and faced Hiei fully. "She wouldn't have sent us unescorted if she
didn't realize we might choose the second option." His voice had grown cold.
"Whatever happened to youkai not killing humans?"
Kurama raised his chin, and finally seeing something familiar, something of the
Kurama Hiei knew, sent shivers of anticipation down Hiei's spine.
"It doesn't account for self-defense," Kurama said softly. "Besides, I think
I'm human enough for Koenma to let it slide."
Hiei smiled darkly. "Information gathering, then assassination. Could be fun."
Kurama watched Hiei with a blank expression.
Hiei frowned without intending to.
What is going on?
Kurama started to walk back towards the way he'd come without another word.
Hiei stared at his back.
Something is definitely wrong.
He felt irritation spark along his palms. He snorted.
Not that I care.
 
——
 
Kaito pushed his glasses further up his nose. "Over there."
"A park?"
Kaito nodded. "The Territory-user wasn't far in." He paused. "Genkai said you'd
know it when you were close."
"Understood," Kurama replied. He glanced down at Hiei, who glared up at him.
Why is he in such a mood? I would have thought he'd be in higher spirits,
considering.
"Shuichi."
Kurama turned back to Kaito.
"I don't know the extent of what Yusuke told you. Genkai and I came here
yesterday. This Territory-user must be strong for Genkai to not be able to get
a thorough read on his ability. We believe he's able to manipulate your
perception without your knowledge. You may not know if and when he begins his
manipulation. Thus you cannot trust your senses whatsoever." Kaito pushed his
glasses up again. "But what makes him particularly dangerous is that he appears
to have some ability to customize his Territory."
"Oh?"
"Genkai said she thinks he's not able to read your mind, but that doesn't
dismiss the fact that the perception shift seems to be tightly attuned to
whoever he is using his Territory against. She said you and Hiei are better
than Yusuke and Kuwabara at holding your cards close to your chest, so she has
more faith that you'll be able to succeed."
"Not exactly high praise," Hiei muttered.
Kaito glanced at Hiei. "It's possible that, as he's human, he won't be able to
understand or perceive your youki, but don't count on that. This sort of power
is still new to all of us, so the limitations aren't well-defined." He cocked
his head. "We were able to discern, from a distance, that he can influence
perception within his Territory, and it seems he can attach his Territory to
others. But that might not be all. Or, to put it more succinctly, his power
could be perception, but different than our initial conclusions. Or it could be
something else entirely."
Kurama smiled. "So you're saying we know basically nothing."
Kaito smirked. "Genkai thought it probable that a Territory-user of this
caliber would be known to others, though it was unclear why Sensui would have
passed up someone of his skill, considering. Every other Territory-user we've
encountered thus far was contacted by Sensui, so one can comfortably assume he
was in contact with this one as well. But based on what little we do know, it
seems strange that he wasn't strong-armed into serving Sensui's agenda. If
Sensui did investigate him and deem his Territory to be without value to his
cause, then what are we missing? What don't we understand about this Territory
that would have made him worthless to Sensui?"
"It does seem strange," Kurama said. He glanced at Hiei beside him. Hiei was
already looking around, eyes narrow, searching for enemies.
It does feel good to have you by my side again, Hiei.
Even if…
"At this point, regardless of Sensui's hypothetical involvement, we have to
consider that others have become aware of this Territory-user. It is very
possible that he is not operating alone, and that we were only able to learn of
his perception-altering abilities because he was using his ability at the time
we scoped him out."
"You think he's teamed up with some youkai."
"It's more than likely. That was Genkai's deduction as well."
"We'll be careful. Thank you, Kaito."
Kaito paused, as if wanting to say more. He glanced at Hiei again, then back at
Kurama. "I… I hope to see you in school on Monday, Shuichi." With that, he
left.
Hiei watched him go. "Humans can't normally sense reiki, let alone youki."
"Kuwabara and his sister can."
"Hmph. Two out of how many."
Kurama looked into the park, lost in his own thoughts. "When we met those
three, Yusuke had to decide which of the four of us was not ourselves. However,
his final decision was based not on what he perceived, but his intuition."
Hiei said nothing.
"I believe Genkai sent us because we understand each other, Hiei," Kurama said
softly.
Hiei groans on his knees, his arms wrapping around Kurama's leg. He throws his
head back, and Kurama twines his hand in Hiei's sweat-damp hair-
Kurama swallowed. There was a tightness in his chest he couldn't account for.
"Just as Kuwabara and Yusuke understand each other."
He felt the entirety of Hiei's attention shift from the park ahead of them to
Kurama himself.
"Yanagisawa created his 'copy' of Kuwabara with a touch," Kurama continued.
"These Territories are unlike anything we've experienced in Makai, Hiei, and
this one in has the potential to be troublesome. This may be a challenge." He
straightened. "If we are to succeed, we must rely on that… understanding of one
another."
Hiei said nothing.
I trust you, Hiei.
And… more.
So much more.
If you'd let me.
"Well, shall we?"
Hiei looked up at him. Kurama met his eyes.
They stared at each other for a long moment, each holding their straining youki
tight.
Hiei.
We… should probably talk.
After we're done here.
I won't let you run away from me this time.
 
——
 
Kurama felt reality shift once they were ten minutes into the park. He knew
Hiei felt it as well, though the other gave no outwards indication.
Kaito said the Territory is attached to the victim. That we wouldn't feel
ourselves entering.
Was he wrong?
They were fully inside the Territory.
They walked in silence.
 
——
 
Kurama stopped. The darkened path ahead of them continued to wind its way
through the gloom of closely-set trees, but something felt… off.
Beside him, Hiei paused as well. From the corner of his eye, Kurama saw Hiei
place a hand on the hilt of his sword. His other hand reached up and tugged
down the headband covering the closed Jagan.
"Hiei?"
Hiei drew his sword. "My eyes tell me we are alone," he purred. "My ears tell
me we are alone. But why trust them?" He spun the sword slowly in his hands.
The Jagan slowly opened. He turned and sliced reality in half with a flash.
As Kurama lowered his arm raised against the light, he saw the boy.
He was young, as Kaito and Kido and Yanagisawa were, in scuffed shoes and a
filthy school uniform, dark hair and glasses, crouching on the path behind
them. He had a dumb look on his face. "Huh," he said, clearly bored.
Hiei pointed the sword at him. The boy blinked at them.
Reckless as always.
Oh, Hiei.
Kurama smiled, despite himself.
If you were a weaker youkai, your impulsiveness would have been the end of you
years ago.
Lucky for me, you aren't weak.
"Will you give up your power?" Hiei asked.
The boy murmured something.
Hiei glanced back at Kurama, his eyes full of joyous fire, the Jagan glowing a
soft pulsing violet. "It's not my fault if he won't talk." Hiei raised his
sword higher.
Something blurred in Kurama's mind. He took a half-step forward, his vision
swimming.
No, something's wrong!
"Hiei, we have to-"
But Hiei was already darting forward with a victorious cry, faster than
thought, the blade leveled towards the boy's throat.
There was a clash and a cry.
Hiei flew backwards, sliding back along the dirt of the path. Ahead, before the
boy, stood a large suit of European armor, holding a hefty broadsword at
attention.
"Huh," the boy said. He rubbed his nose on his sleeve and rapped his knuckles
on the armor's plated foot. He pointed to Hiei. "Kill him."
The armor stalked forward, clanging with every stride.
"Hiei!" Kurama cried. He drew his rose whip from his hair-
Hands from behind grabbed his wrists and twisted, painfully binding his arms
down and back; something coarse and thick crept across his throat and squeezed.
His youki was sealed up in an instant.
Kurama tried to cry out in vain, and a woman's voice laughed in his ear. "Oh-
ho-ho, little kit," she murmured, lips near his ear. He twisted, but couldn't
see her. "None of that. Watch and learn what happens to those who defy us."
Hiei!
Hiei had risen, and thrown his cloak aside. He pointed the sword at the armor,
which charged, swinging that massive broadsword. Hiei jumped, landing on the
armor's shoulder, and smashed his sword into the armor's head, to no effect.
Hiei!
Panic started to rise in Kurama's chest; he could feel himself losing control
and wondered, distantly, if the strange dizziness he felt just before Hiei's
attack had been a drug, a manipulation of some kind; a small part of him, deep
within, knew the intensity of his reaction was strange, worrisome.
Were they wrong?
What is this power, if not perception manipulation?!
He tried to reach for his seeds with his youki, but could't feel them. The
woman tightened the rope around his neck. "None of that. You can't save your
little friend if you're dead, little kit," she cooed.
I'll kill you!
White tinged on the edges of his vision.
Hiei jumped out of the way of the armor's sword, rebounded off a tree, and
slammed his foot into the armor's chest. The armor swung its sword and Hiei
jumped out of the way, but barely. He was already panting.
He's slowing!
Hiei!
"Oh, your little friend isn't doing so well, is he? I wonder why!" the woman
laughed. She dragged Kurama to his knees. Distantly, as if through a fog, he
felt her bind his wrists. He tried to cry out to Hiei, but the rope around his
throat tugged tighter.
Hiei stumbled. Black sparks raced down his bandaged arm and along the length of
the sword; black fire surrounded his other fist. He was snarling something, but
Kurama couldn't hear over the pounding of his own heart.
Suddenly, Kurama felt the woman behind him move. "Hi-ei!" she called in sing-
song. "Oh, Hiei!"
Hiei glanced in their direction for a fraction of a second.
There was a sense of burning and of something being deeply, deeply wrong.
Something like pain, bright and intense but not as sharp, flared in Kurama's
body.
Hiei…
He looked down at his chest. Something red and shining stuck straight out of
his chest.
"Kurama!"
Hiei was shouting, more words, but Kurama couldn't understand over the
intensifying roar.
"Oh-ho-ho," the woman said, clear as a bell, as if speaking directly into his
brain. "We can't have these final moments be lost!" The rope around his throat
loosened, and Kurama sucked in cold sweet air; blood rushed to his head and for
a half-moment he felt dizzy and everything was too bright-
"Kurama!" Hiei shouted, panic and fury and hate; black and violet flames licked
over the whole of his body.
Kurama looked down. The sharp end of a blade stuck out of his chest, wet with
blood.
My blood.
Oh.
Funny, why can't I feel it?
Hiei rushed towards him, furious, eyes locked on someone above Kurama's head-
A clang and a swish, and Hiei froze mid-stride. His eyes locked on Kurama's
with a look of horror and something like sorrow, so wrong and foreign to Hiei's
familiar face, and then he fell forward.
The armor's huge sword continued the slice that had gone clean across Hiei's
back. The blade gleamed as the armor held it aloft.
Kurama's whole world froze to the sight of the night's sweet summer wind gently
tousling Hiei's hair.
"Oh-ho," the woman said, stepping out from behind Kurama. She flitted forward
on light feet to stand beside the fallen Hiei, and peered down at him. Her dark
hair obscured her face as she leaned down. "Oh-ho, he's still alive."
The armor clanged as it straightened.
She laughed then, covering her face with her hands as she straightened. "I said
it would take you more than one strike! I was right!"
As if awakening from a dream, Kurama began to struggle, against the ropes,
against the block between his youki and his plants, against what he saw was
going to happen, against-
"Hiei! Hiei!"
The woman laughed, covering her face with her hands. "Are you watching, little
kit?" Her voice echoed in his head. "Watch, little kit. Watch your Hiei die."
The armor lifted its broadsword and delicately placed the tip at the base of
Hiei's neck. There was blood on the blade. Hiei's blood.
"Hiei!"
The armor shifted; the sword thrust down with a sickening chunk.
Kurama screamed.
 
——
 
Hiei paused; beside him, Kurama had already stopped, staring ahead with a
frown. Hiei looked: the sort of streetlights humans seemed to feel the need to
put everywhere lined the path as it wound its way through the carefully spaced
trees. He reached out with his youki, with his senses, but felt nothing but the
insignificant reiki of animals and a few humans.
Kurama must sense something.
He turned slightly, resting one hand on the hilt of his sword. The other drew
down the headband covering his Jagan. The Jagan opened, flooding Hiei's mind
with its sight.
"Hiei?"
"Do you sense something?" Hiei asked, his voice low.
Kurama said nothing. Slowly, he turned, facing the way they'd come.
Hiei threw his youki outwards, listening, seeing, but sensing nothing.
Kurama gasped. "Hiei, we have to-"
Hiei frowned. He looked ahead of them on the path with his eyes and the Jagan:
nothing.
"Kurama?" he said, softer now. "Kurama, what do you-"
"Hiei!" Kurama cried, reaching for his rose whip.
Hiei drew his sword, standing at attention, listening, watching for something,
anything.
Nothing?!
Kurama made a strange, strangled noise. His chin rose and he gasped for air.
His empty arms fell to his sides. His eyes locked on something a short distance
away that Hiei couldn't see.
He didn't draw the whip?
Hiei moved, one slow step at a time, encircling Kurama.
Kurama, his eyes bright and wet, still stared at a scene Hiei could not see; he
sank to his knees, still gasped for breath, still shuddered and shifted against
forces Hiei could not perceive-
Perception!
Kurama gasped then.
Hiei looked up, and a small line of blood trailed from Kurama's open mouth.
"Kurama?!"
Enough of this!
Kurama stared down at his chest. Hiei searched the woods again, searching with
his youki and Jagan and eyes for something, anything to explain, but Kurama's
stuttered moans drew him back. He knelt before Kurama, sword down on the ground
beside him.
A dark shadow slowly bloomed in the fabric of the jacket over Kurama's chest.
Without pause, Hiei tore Kurama's jacket open, then the shirt beneath. He saw
blood, pouring freely as if from an open wound-
Hiei pressed his palm against the wound-
There's nothing here.
Frowning, Hiei pulled his bloodied hand back. He brushed the bright blood over
the wound aside. Kurama's skin was whole and unmarred beneath. Even still, more
blood appeared beneath Hiei's fingertips.
What?
What is this?!
"Kurama?" He looked up and-
Kurama was crying. Fat tears poured from his eyes as he stared ahead of him in
horror, his mouth moving without a sound.
He's… saying my name?
"Kurama?" Hiei whispered. All his senses flared to high attention-
"Hiei!" Kurama screamed then, and startled, Hiei jumped back, sword raised and
ready.
"Hiei!" Kurama screamed again, to the empty park. "Hiei!"
"Damn it, Kurama," Hiei growled. He sheathed his sword and knelt. He grabbed
Kurama's shoulders and shook him, once, twice. He slapped him across the face.
Nothing. He's not here.
Kurama screamed, his hands clutching at his face.
Wincing from Kurama's cry still echoing in his ears, Hiei grabbed Kurama's
shoulders again. "Tell me what you see, damn you!"
"Hiei," Kurama whispered once, still wide-eyed, staring through Hiei at some
invisible horror. "No, no, please…"
Hiei growled. "Damn you, Kurama! Wake up!"
Kurama fell back, boneless, to the ground. "No," he murmured. He paused as if
listening, then shook his head. "Then you must kill me. Kill me too."
Kill me 'too'?
A chill crept over Hiei's skin.
Is he… seeing me dead?
"Kurama," he said, more forcefully. He shook Kurama's shoulders. "Kurama, it's
not real. Kurama. I'm here. Kurama, wake up. Kurama."
"No, there's… there's no point," Kurama was whispering. "No, I will not fight
you." His head leaned back and he stared, bleary eyed, up at the black sky; for
the first time, Hiei saw red marks ringing around Kurama's throat, marks that
hadn't been there just a short time ago. "I don't want any part of it."
"Kurama!"
Kurama laughed, sobbing. "Go then. Destroy this city, destroy the entire human
realms. I don't care. Let it burn."
He's bleeding, but without a wound.
Hiei's youki flared around him. "Kurama."
"If you know who I am, then you must know this isn't enough to kill me," Kurama
whispered. His voice hardened. "And if you know who I am, then you know you
must kill me. You cannot let me live after… after this. Not if…"
Hiei jumped to his feet.
He's perceived that he was injured.
If he perceives that he's being killed-
"Enough," Hiei snarled as he pulled Kurama into his arms. Standing, Hiei darted
for the park entrance.
"I have nothing more to say to you," Kurama said to no one, voice hard as ice.
Hiei clenched his teeth as he darted through the trees in the fastest line
towards the park entrance. "Kurama, it's not-"
Kurama coughed out a single sob. "Without him, what reason have I to live?"
Hiei stumbled, managing to catch his feet without dropping Kurama in the middle
of the path. His cloak swung forward around them.
'Without him, what reason have I to live?'
It echoed in his mind.
'Without him, what reason have I to live?'
He stared down at Kurama shaking in his arms. "Ku… Kurama?"
"Without…" Kurama repeated, sobbing into his hands. "Oh, Hiei, no, Hiei, Hiei…"
He began to cry in earnest. "Please…"
He-
Nothing felt real.
Kurama-
Run now. Questions later.
Hiei ran for the edge of the Territory.
Chapter End Notes
     Note: I never liked Kuwabara losing his "sixth sense" so as far as
     this fic is concerned, that never happened.
***** Chapter 2 *****
"Complete failure." Hiei repeated, arms crossed over his chest.
Genkai looked past him, into the small guesthouse on the edge of her compound.
"And Kurama?" she asked, glaring hard at Hiei.
Hiei glared back, baring his teeth.
Genkai snorted. "He needs medical attention."
"He needs to be left alone," Hiei snarled.
"What happened?"
"I told you." Fire rose and crackled over his shoulders. "Complete failure."
"Hiei-"
"Not now," he hissed.
Genkai narrowed her eyes at him. "We need information, which any and every
encounter with these Territory-users can give. The more data we have, the
better chance we have of finding any more of these Territory-users and stopping
them before they destroy everything."
'Destroy this city, destroy the entire human realms. I don't care. Let it
burn.'
Anxiety turned like a heavy stone in his chest.
Kurama…
Hiei opened his mouth.
'Without him, what reason have I to live?'
He snapped his mouth shut.
Genkai's frown grew hard.
"I… will take care of Kurama," Hiei said softly.
Genkai's expression remained the same.
Annoyance turned to fury, and flames danced down Hiei's arms. "I said-"
"I heard you just fine. I'm old, not deaf," Genkai snapped. "He's unconscious,
deeply so. He won't wake for hours, if not days. Tell me what happened."
But I don't know what happened.
Hiei shook his head.
"If he saw something in that Territory that wasn't real, coming awake may be
hard for him. Especially since he would have experienced something you didn't."
She looked him over. "You don't seem worse for wear."
"I felt us enter the Territory, but I never saw the Territory-user, or any sort
of perception alteration." He glanced behind him at Kurama, dead asleep on a
cot on the other side of the little guesthouse. Despite the summer warmth,
Kurama's skin had felt unnaturally cold, so Hiei had lit a fire. Red flames
danced in the hearth.
Red.
Images of blood slicked in Kurama's dark hair filled his mind.
Kurama, sitting on the edge of the bed in his bloodied shirt and trousers,
raises his shod foot. His eyes turn to slits and he smiles, all warmth and
desire.
The stone in Hiei's stomach grew heavy. He tried to ignore it. He flexed his
bandaged hand.
"I had thought your Jagan might keep you from being influenced. Did it?"
"Yes." Hiei paused. "But…"
"But?"
"Kurama… saw something. I think."
"You don't know?"
"I don't know what he saw."
"Then how do you know he saw anything?" Genkai snapped.
Hiei frowned. Slowly, he said, "I think he… saw me die."
Genkai said nothing, and Hiei looked up at her. She was watching him. "He's
been injured?" she said.
"Yes."
"Phantom wounds?"
Hiei's eyes narrowed. "He bleeds without cuts. Marks from nothing."
Genkai nodded. "Treat the wounds as if they were real. He believes he has been
wounded, so he is, regardless of whether the source was real or in his head."
She hopped down the steps. "I'll send Kido out with supplies, enough for a few
days. Send for me if you need anything else." She paused, and looked up at Hiei
at the top of the steps. "When he wakes up, he'll be groggy. This alteration of
perception will have taken a toll on him. Depending on what he saw, it may take
some time for him to adjust to what really happened, or didn't."
She strode off into the darkness.
 
——
 
Rising out of sleep, Kurama tried to remember how he'd come to be in this small
room. The Territory-user, the two youkai-
He curled in on himself on the little bed.
Hiei.
There were no more tears, for now, Kurama found; his eyes were sore, his throat
aching. He shivered in the heat.
They haven't killed me yet.
Why?
They can't actually think I'd help them after they-
He wrapped his arms tighter around himself.
Hiei.
In his mind, he saw the soft flutter of Hiei's hair, that strange expression on
Hiei's face, the sound of the sword-
Kurama sobbed dryly into his hands. He had no more tears.
Hiei, why?!
What… what am I going to do? Without you?
He needed to think. He needed to plan.
The time for mourning is later.
He tested his youki and found himself fully capable. The seedlings against his
scalp responded to the brush of his will, and the wound in his chest had been
tightly bound with clean bandages.
Kurama closed his eyes.
I will kill as many of them as I can before I fall.
This is the mistake they made by leaving me alive.
It would be easier if he could fully become Youko Kurama again, but if there
existed an easy manner to achieve such an end, it was still a mystery to him.
Shuichi's human body, brimming with Youko Kurama's agony and fury and power,
would have to be sufficient.
Forgive me, Hiei.
I failed to protect you.
My promise was a lie.
He had to harden his heart. There would be more than enough time for mourning
and atonement, in the afterlife.
 
——
 
Hiei restrained his youki. Kurama, still on his little cot, shuddered and
sobbed to himself, unaware he was not alone.
'Without him, what reason have I to live?'
Hiei's hands tightened into shaking fists.
 
——
 
Kurama breathed deeply, and sat up.
It had been more than a full day since he'd found himself in this little cell,
and no one had come. He heard no sounds outside, nor felt the presence of
anyone, human or youkai. The fire in the hearth burned merrily without tending.
He stared at the fire. He needed to discover where he was, the layout of his
prison, and-
Across the room, red eyes caught the light.
Good. You will be the first to die.
Kurama leapt to his feet, spreading his hands wide. Vines came to his bidding,
curling down his spine and along the backs of his arms, hidden from the view
of-
Hiei stepped away from the wall, bare arms crossed over his chest.
Kurama gasped.
Hiei!
He wanted, truly wanted, for this Hiei before him to be real.
No!
Hiei is dead.
I saw him die.
Hiei…
"Stop wearing his face," Kurama growled.
The false Hiei raised an eyebrow.
"You're not him!" Snarling, Kurama strengthened his vines, coiling them for
speed-
Hiei's face appeared before him, fast as thought, a breath's distance away.
"Then who am I?" he asked, voice light. There was anger there, underneath; his
scent, all charcoal and ice, washed over Kurama.
Kurama shouted and his vines leapt forward, but the false Hiei was already
across the room again, arms crossed over his chest again, glaring at Kurama.
Tears swirled in Kurama's eyes as he pulled his vines back. "Don't wear his
face," he tried to growl, but it came out too soft, too broken. "That's not…
yours to wear."
The false Hiei just glared at him.
"Why haven't you killed me? Do you mean to torture me with this?" Kurama
shouted. He ran through the inventory of seedlings and pips to see which would
inflict the most pain.
How dare they…!
"I've told you before, Kurama, I chose you to be my partner so I didn't have to
fight you myself."
A sob rose in Kurama's chest and he stepped back, shaking. "I will kill you for
this, I swear it," he hissed.
The false Hiei shrugged. "I have no doubt that's what you want to do right
now."
Is it possible…?
No! I saw him die!
Kurama frowned, saying nothing.
"And here I always thought you were supposed to be the clever one, fox."
It sounds just like him…
But I know what I saw!
I felt him die!
"Do something for me," the false Hiei said, leaning back against the wall.
"That bandage on your chest. Why is it there?"
"You put a knife in my back," Kurama snarled.
"Not me, but let's ignore that for now," he replied, that odd cheerful fury
lilting his voice. "So you remember being stabbed, and then, what? I died?"
"You're not him," Kurama snarled.
"Fine. Then 'Hiei' died," he said, mocking. "Is that what happened?"
"You know damn well-"
"So is that to say that if you weren't stabbed, then maybe your memory of
'Hiei' dying might also be wrong?"
What?
Kurama paused. "What game are you playing?"
"Games have always been more your thing than mine, Kurama."
Kurama realized his hands were shaking. "I-I don't understand."
"You and 'Hiei' entered the Territory of a human who can manipulate perception.
You experienced being injured and 'Hiei' dying. That leaves two options: either
what you saw was real or it wasn't." His red eyes narrowed. "How do you know
what you saw was real?"
"I-" Kurama paused. "I saw it. I… I felt it," he said softly, defeatedly.
The other said nothing.
"Then…" Kurama sat down on the edge of the cot. "How can I know?" he whispered.
The other shrugged. "Like I said, you're supposed to be the smart one."
Kurama reached down and began to undo the bandages. He felt the weight of the
other's eyes upon him, but refused to look up.
The inner part of the bandages were damp with fresh blood that stained his
fingertips. There was no wound where he had seen the sword's edge emerge. But
blood did seep through his skin as if from a wound.
He held the bandages in his hands, and ran his thumbs over the damp blood. It
was red, bright; the outer layers were brown, where the blood had dried. He
touched his tongue to the blood on the bandage, then to the fresh blood on his
fingertips. It was his own.
I didn't feel the sword when it went in. I saw it.
Pain is a perception, isn't it? Or is pain something else?
I didn't feel it.
I remember feeling strange.
I remember thinking I might have been drugged.
He swallowed. "Tell me something only the real Hiei would know," he murmured.
"Something no one could guess. Known only to Hiei and myself."
At Hiei's silence, Kurama looked up. There was a flash of pink over Hiei's
cheeks, and he stared hatefully into the fire.
What is this reaction?
"Hiei-"
"You don't have any better ideas?" Hiei's voice was strained, overly harsh.
Kurama frowned.
What?
"It's a simple enough request, I'd think. The real Hiei would be able to answer
quick enough."
Hiei's lip curled.
"If you can't-"
"After you killed Karasu," Hiei muttered.
Of all the times-
"What about it?"
"That… that night, on the boat, you…" Hiei swallowed. Still staring at the
hearth, his tongue flicked over his bottom lip.
Oh.
Kurama felt a flare of tension, of heat in his core. He shifted forward. He
could feel the thrum of his pulse beneath his skin. "That night?" he repeated.
Hiei glared at him. "You're going to make me say it?!"
"I won't know if you are Hiei otherwise. Maybe this is all false," Kurama
offered. This was surreal: his entire world was breaking, about to shear in one
direction or another, and here he was, taking great delight in the flush on
this possibly-false Hiei's cheeks. "Maybe the Territory-user knew I killed
Karasu. It wouldn't be difficult for him to then know that you and I tend to
share a room, as do Kuwabara and Yusuke. It's basic information-gathering to
make your opponent fill in the blanks of what you aren't-"
"You kissed me."
A thrill of pleasure shot through Kurama, because of the hesitancy and
vulnerability in Hiei's soft words, how his eyes flitted to Kurama's before
quickly looking away, the dark flush of Hiei's cheeks.
A taste of salt and ash.
Kurama nodded. "I did, didn't I?"
He's alive.
Hiei glared at him.
"So you…" Kurama whispered.
Hiei's glare deepened.
Kurama looked down at the bandage in his hands. "You're… What I saw yesterday
wasn't real, then."
"Two days ago. And no," Hiei snarled.
He's alive.
It wasn't real.
A vision, a nightmare.
It wasn't real!
Kurama's vision blurred. He hiccuped. "I'm so glad," he whispered, drying his
eyes on his sleeve; as fast as he wiped the tears away, more sprang forth. "I'm
so glad."
"The Territory-user deceived you with your own perception," Hiei said flatly.
"Why are you angry with me?" Kurama whispered.
Hiei muttered something and looked away.
"Hiei?"
"You're an idiot," Hiei snapped.
Kurama blinked. "What-"
"You let yourself be deceived. You were the one spouting nonsense about how we
would defeat him by trusting in each other." He shook his head. "And then you…"
He growled.
"Hiei, come here."
Hiei glared at him, his face flushed again.
Kurama offered his empty hands up to Hiei. "Please. Please, Hiei."
"Why?"
Kurama swallowed. He rubbed his sleeve over his eyes again.
Last time I saw you, you were dead.
"I need…"
Hiei watched him, mistrustful, wary.
"I saw…" Kurama forced his breathing to calm. He remembered vividly: Hiei,
facedown in the dirt, the broadsword's tip hovering over his bared neck, the
heavy sound of a life irrevocably severed short. The woman had rolled Hiei's
body over, and Kurama had seen his eyes-
Kurama coughed out a sob. "I saw you die."
Though Hiei had turned his face away, Kurama could feel the electricity of his
attention.
"You died in front of me." Kurama raised his hands again. "I need to…"
I sound pathetic.
"Hiei," Kurama's voice cracked.
Hiei was watching him, looking for something, what Kurama didn't know.
"Hiei," Kurama whispered. The prickle in the corner of his eyes had turned to
full on tears again. "Please."
I need to know you're real.
Hiei walked across the room, hands in his pockets. He stopped just outside of
Kurama's reach.
Kurama's fingers danced, reaching. "Please," he whispered.
Hiei studied him for a moment longer.
I need to touch you.
I need to know you're real.
I need to know you're really alive.
One step took Hiei within Kurama's reach, but he kept moving. He took another
two steps, stopping with his shins against the edge of the cot, between
Kurama's knees. He looked down at Kurama, frowning, a flare of pink on his
cheeks, but Kurama knew Hiei's expressions, and could see his concern.
Kurama did not touch him.
What if-
I couldn't bear it.
Kurama's eyes closed tight.
I couldn't bear it if-
"Kurama."
Kurama heard the shuffle of cloth as Hiei drew his hands out of his pockets.
He opened his eyes.
Hesitantly, Hiei rested his hands on Kurama's shoulders.
The weight of them, the boiling heat of Hiei's skin, broke a sob from Kurama's
throat. His head fell forward, bumping Hiei's chest, and Hiei leaned forward,
adding weight and solidity to the touch.
"I… am here," Hiei said softly.
Kurama reached up and gently placed his hands on Hiei's hips. He stared up into
Hiei's eyes.
Hiei's blush darkened.
"It wasn't real," Kurama breathed in Hiei's scent and another sob tore from his
chest.
"No."
Kurama could hear the wild rush of Hiei's blood beneath his fingers. He pressed
his forehead to Hiei's chest again, and let the heat of Hiei's skin warm him.
One of Hiei's hands gently stroked down Kurama's hair, cautious of the
seedlings near the back of his skull. "I am here."
 
——
 
Hiei waited until Kurama fell asleep.
He stayed on the far side of the room.
He thought I was dead.
Hiei looked down at his hands, one bandaged, one bare. The bandages were tinged
with Kurama's blood.
Considering Kurama's go-to strategy was to get as close to death as possible in
order to win, the process of bandaging Kurama's wounds had become an unhappy
but familiar matter.
After getting Kurama to Genkai's, he'd set about checking Kurama's wounds. With
practiced ease, Hiei had pulled the unconscious Kurama into a sit, and had
gently removed his jacket, then his shirt.
His fingertips remembered the ridges and valleys of fresh scar tissue.
Those scars weren't there after the Tournament.
He remembered tending to Kurama's many wounds after Karasu's defeat.
They weren't there in the Makai.
Kurama had shifted back his human skin, his clothes tatters, blood smeared all
over him, as they had waited for Yusuke to finish destroying Sensui. Kurama had
been watching him and smiling as Hiei had fought against sleep, and lost.
I know your scars, Kurama.
Two days ago, as he had bandaged the seeping not-wound on Kurama's chest and
back, Hiei had seen new scars, scars he didn't recognize. A circle of fresh
skin on Kurama's side was clearly the bite of something very large, while
numerous smaller wounds, slices and gouges speckled the rest of his chest and
back. The long thin scar he had so stupidly earned from his fight with Toya now
had two fresh siblings, one on each forearm, both vicious in their jaggedness.
Where are these scars from, Kurama?
Fury lanced through his mind.
Am I angry because Kurama clearly did something dangerous?
Or because Kurama went alone?
Because he left me behind?
Or because he lied to my face?
Hiei felt his face flush.
Am I… afraid? Of being left behind? Of not being strong enough to be Kurama's-
His hands tightened into fists.
No! It's Kurama's stupidity that's infuriating!
He glared at the sleeper across the room.
Kurama's face was peaceful, his breathing even, his lips slightly parted-
Why was that what I thought of?!
Hiei touched his bottom lip.
Why was that what I said?!
He remembered the brokenness of Kurama's body, half-dead by Karasu's hands, how
fluid and loose Kurama's limbs had been as Hiei moved him. He remembered
rinsing clean each of Kurama's wounds, anointing the lesser wounds with salve,
packing the deeper wounds with the poultices Kurama had prepared weeks ago. His
hands had been shaking with rage, but Karasu was dead and Hiei had had no
recourse. Kurama had watched him through heavy-lidded eyes, his voice murmuring
his thanks, his apologies, or moaning in pain.
Kurama had kissed him. His mouth had been cool, tasting vaguely sweet. A scent
of roses and honey had poured into Hiei's lungs, making him dizzy. Kurama had
closed his eyes, but Hiei had stared down at him, his insides rioting.
Hiei curled in on himself. His blood was on fire; he felt a growing tightness
in his groin. He growled at himself, shaking his head, trying to focus his
rage.
 
——
 
"I'll be back later today. You're staying and taking care of Kurama, right?"
Hiei watched as Yusuke tied his shoes. "You have somewhere better to be?"
Yusuke laughed. "Not at all," he grumbled. "But Ba-san said she'll kill me if I
miss any more school. She said I'm no use to her if I can't even be a decent
member or society or some bullshit like that."
School.
What was it Kurama said?
'Just trying to get back to normal. My normal human life. School, homework,
exams.'
Hiei frowned.
Then when did he get those new scars?
Karasu was Kurama's last fight in the Tournament.
Then after Sensui, there were no real fights to speak of.
He would have called me, wouldn't he?
Which means-
"You're lucky you don't have-"
"Has Kurama been attending his school?"
"Huh?"
"Since Makai."
Yusuke was silent as he finished the knot. "I don't think so. Maybe for a
couple days. I remember Kaito saying something about how their break doesn't
fully overlap ours."
"'Break?'"
"Well, you know how we don't have class every day?"
"Why would I know that?"
"Yeah, it's only six days a week."
Hiei frowned. "So?"
"Every few months or so, we take a few weeks break. To rest, relax. They still
assign us homework though," Yusuke grumbled.
"So Kurama had this 'break.'"
Yusuke said nothing, but his youki tensed, just enough that Hiei could feel it.
"Uh, yeah, that's what Kaito said, yeah. Kuwabara and my school's break ended
about two weeks ago, but Kurama and Kaito's only ended a few days ago."
"So Kurama did not go to his school until a few days ago."
"Yup." Yusuke forced a strangely tight laugh. "Lucky bastard, right?"
"When did his 'break' begin?"
Yusuke leaned back, scratching his chin. "I think… let me see. It would have
been," he ticked off a few fingers, "three days after we were back from the
Tournament."
So from three days after the tournament until three days ago, Kurama was not in
school.
Kurama lied to me.
He actually lied to me.
Not a mistake.
Not to protect me.
He lied.
"Anyway, I gotta go before Ba-san-"
"Why are you still here?! I thought I told you-"
Hiei walked away as Genkai and Yusuke shouted at each other.
He walked through the long sand garden to the far side of the complex. He
climbed the steps to the shrine at the top. He leapt on top of the shrine gate,
staring in at the few priests making themselves busy in the courtyard. The
insignificant local youkai eyed him warily, but Hiei barely registered their
existence.
His head felt light, dizzy.
Kurama… lied to me.
He leapt down from the gate into the trees. He ricocheted from tree to tree,
pushing himself faster and faster.
Kurama lied to me.
At the bottom of the mountain, he stopped and waited for his breathing to ease.
Kurama lied to me.
He couldn't catch his breath.
Kurama lied to me!
Liar!
 
——
 
Kurama blinked himself awake.
"Hiei?" he whispered.
The room was dark. His sense of time was in disarray. He sat up, smoothing his
hair out of his face.
Across the room, Hiei's eyes glowed.
"Hiei?" Kurama yawned. "Hiei? Won't you come here?" He yawned again.
Hiei crossed the room in a flash.
Kurama looked up at him, still blinking away sleep. He reached up, to touch
Hiei's hand-
Hiei slapped his hand away.
Kurama froze. "Hiei?"
"I hate you," Hiei hissed down at him.
Kurama stared up at him. "Hiei?"
"I despise you and everything you are." Hiei straightened, hands in fists at
his sides. "For all that you play this game of being a good little human-youkai
hybrid, for all that you preach friendship and relying on one another. 'Trust
me, Hiei.' 'You can rely on me, Hiei.' 'We know each other, Hiei.'" He sneered.
"I should have known better than to ever trust a lying fox."
Hiei was shaking, Kurama realized. "I don't-"
"You were affected by the Territory, I wasn't," Hiei snapped. His face was
flushed.
He wasn't… affected?
"I don't understand."
"You weren't only perceiving that you were speaking, fox," Hiei snarled.
Perceiving that I was-
Kurama's mind raced through his memory-
Oh.
Oh no.
His blood turned to ice in his veins.
No, it wasn't supposed to-
We haven't had time-
"Hiei, I can explain-"
"Save your lies, fox," Hiei said, waving his hand dismissively; Kurama could
feel the vibration of his youki, the rage beneath his forced nonchalance.
"Clearly nothing a fox says can be believed."
Anger flared beneath Kurama's breaking heart. "Hiei-"
"The old fox doesn't always lie of course," Hiei said, his voice soft with
wrath. "You only lie to my face, not when you think I'm finally dead and can't
hear you."
Kurama stared at him.
"So, fox, what exactly did you mean when you said…" Hiei's face flushed
further; his hands arched into claws. "What you said."
Kurama's shoulders sank, and his head fell forward. "Hiei…"
"You didn't think to say anything to me?! To tell me what you…" His voice
faltered.
Kurama shook his head. "It's not that simple. I couldn't just tell you. I-"
"Is that so?" Hiei's voice was low and deadly, controlled again. "After all
that happened during the Tournament, I would have thought you were more than
capable of expressing your desires, fox."
Kurama winced.
"Save your words. Lying is your nature, isn't it? I should have known better
than to ever believe a thing out of your lying fox mouth."
"What good would it have done me to tell you? Clearly-"
"Don't lie!"
"Hiei-"
"And that's not even the worst lie you've told me," Hiei snapped.
Kurama looked up at him. "What? I don't-"
"I bandaged you. As always. Ever a good little slave to you, aren't I, fox?
Good enough to lick your wounds, but not good enough for… for… for honesty."
Hiei looked away, teeth bared, hands shaking. His face was bright red by now.
Kurama blinked. "What?"
"You have a lot more scars than last time, than at the end of the Tournament,
than when you dragged me back here from the Makai." Hiei's eyes flashed. "What
has our little fox been up to? Curious, I didn't realize battle scars were a
part of normal human school life for dear little Shuichi."
Kurama turned his face away.
"No words for that? Fine. It's not as if I could trust anything you'd say
anyway."
"Hiei, let me explain-"
Hiei's youki flared: a warning.
"Please, Hiei-"
"You're at Genkai's compound, on the northeastern edge. I'm sure she'll bandage
your wounds if you ask sweetly. Or maybe Yusuke is up to the task. Is he your
type, Devourer? Strong enough to make the conquest satisfying, yet young enough
to not know how fucked up you are?"
Kurama stared up at him in horror. "Hiei, how can you-"
"Just coat your poison in sugar and honey, as you always do." Hiei snarled.
"What a skill, to make torture tolerable enough with sufficient
pleasure! Another easy deceit for the half-living Youko Kurama."
Kurama hadn't realized he was sobbing. "Hiei, please-"
"Don't speak to me." Hiei strode closer, and grabbed Kurama's open shirt,
pulling him up. Kurama kept his face turned away. "Never speak to me again. I
cannot trust a thing you say or do."
Kurama reached for Hiei's hands. "Hiei-"
"Don't touch me!" Hiei shouted. He threw Kurama backwards; Kurama slammed
against the wall, his breath knocked out of him.
Then came the horrible sound of Hiei's laughter, ripping out of his throat like
a sob. "Funny that it took a realm of lies to show me the truth of what you
really are."
The door slammed behind him.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Notes
     This is a long one. TW for suicide attempts.
The boy's nose was buried in a book as he walked down the sidewalk and nearly
ran into Hiei. He pushed his glasses up his nose and blinked. An expression of
happy surprise spread over his face. "Hey, I know you! You're-"
It was too easy to grab him and disappear to somewhere more secluded.
Hiei took his time. He knew his time with Yusuke and Kuwabara had skewed his
understanding of how much punishment a human body could take, so he was
cautious and took things slower than he would have liked. When he was mostly
satisfied, he strangled the boy with his bare hands. Even so, it was over too
quick.
Afterwards, dropping the body into an open quarry, Hiei's mouth tasted oddly
sour.
 
——
 
Genkai came.
Kurama had not moved, the bloodied bandage still draped over his hands in his
lap, the invisible wound on his chest still slowly leaking. He stared at the
fire, unseeing.
"Hiei is gone," Genkai said. She stood before him, arms behind her back as
always.
"Yes," Kurama said.
"He killed the Territory-user."
"Oh."
"He went back alone. Apparently, his Jagan can see through the Territory's
perception-altering effects."
Kurama said nothing.
"It was a boy, Yusuke's age."
Kurama closed his eyes.
Genkai's voice was light. "He must have been very angry. It was not an easy
death."
Kurama winced.
Genkai was frowning at him, he knew, waiting for him to speak. After it became
clear he wouldn't, she said, "Hiei said you saw him die."
Kurama nodded. His hands tightened around the bandage.
"It must have been hard for you to see him alive."
Kurama's hands opened. The residual blood from his bandage had spread to his
palms.
Genkai sighed. "He's young. Too young really to be on his own. You know that,
don't you?"
'Young enough to not know how fucked up you are?'
Kurama lowered his head. "Yes," he whispered.
"Hiei has no control over his emotions."
"I know."
"Hiei needs, at the very, very least, a mentor. A guide. After the… events of
the Tournament, I had hoped you would become an anchor for him."
Kurama stared at the fire. "So had I."
"And now he's gone. He's already killed one human. As untethered as he
currently is, he will continue to kill at the slightest provocation."
"Yes."
"Koenma will get involved. Excuses may be able to be made for the Territory-
user, but if Hiei kills again…" Genkai paused. "Koenma's opinion of Hiei is
already very low. He won't protect him, as he's protected you."
"I know."
"You need to fix this."
Kurama closed his eyes. "I honestly don't think I can."
Genkai humphed and left.
 
——
 
Yusuke was the one who found him first.
"I have nothing to say to you."
"That's fine," Yusuke said, pulling himself up onto the lower beams of the
electrical tower. "I have things to say to you though." He looked out at the
city beneath them. "I should bring Keiko up here. This is a pretty great view.
Do you come up here often?"
Hiei ignored his prattling. "What makes you think I'll stay and listen?"
"Why? I'm not sure. But then again, I'm not sure why you haven't disappeared to
somewhere that isn't here." Yusuke stretched one arm over his chest, then the
other. "I mean, if you aren't going to help us with the Territory-users or
Kurama-"
"Don't speak to me of him!"
"Yeah, that's not going to happen."
"Fine." Hiei jumped down from the uppermost beam.
"Hiei!"
Hiei stopped, a few beams below Yusuke, even if he didn't quite understand why.
He glared up.
"Kurama's… not well," Yusuke said. He leaned on the beam in front of him and
put his head down on his arms. "He never fully healed, and now-"
"Healed? From what?"
Yusuke grimaced. "Yeah, uh, look, I didn't know the full details, but after
last night, Ba-san somehow got Koenma to spill."
Hiei's lip curled.
Koenma's meddling as usual, then?
"There were… cases right after we got back from the Makai. I couldn't do them,
because, well, Ba-san wouldn't let me and besides my, uh, youki was in flux.
Still not at a hundred percent, to be honest." As if to illustrate, he gathered
a pale orb of red light on the tip of one finger; it flickered now and again
and he extinguished it. "And Koenma said he couldn't find you. That left
Kurama. Who decided to go alone."
Hiei's glare turned into a frown.
"I don't know if he tried to get in touch with you and you didn't show up or if
he didn't even reach out. But in the end, the result was the same."
"What result?"
"'Nothing extreme' is how Koenma put it. Ba-san really gave it to him after he
said that." Yusuke grumbled. "As if B-Class isn't extreme."
That heavy stone in Hiei's stomach returned. "Koenma sent him alone after a B-
class youkai."
"Two of them. They were working together."
Hiei froze.
Toguro was B-Class.
I was B-Class, after the Tournament.
"Who?"
"Does it matter?" Yusuke kicked his swinging feet. "They're dead now."
Hiei said nothing.
"Yeah, well, anyway, it took Ba-san and Botan a few weeks to put Kurama back
together. It was… bad? I was at school when they found him, and honestly I
don't think anyone except Kurama knows the entirety of what happened. And this
is Kurama we're talking about, so he's obviously not going to say anything to
anyone."
Hiei jumped up and stood on the beam before Yusuke. "Put… Kurama… back…
together," he repeated slowly, icily.
Yusuke met his stare with one of his own, just as hard. "Yeah."
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know," Yusuke said, swinging his feet. "Why don't you ask Kurama?"
 
——
 
'Strong enough to make the conquest satisfying, yet young enough to not know
how fucked up you are?'
Kurama stared at the flames.
'What a skill, to make torture tolerable enough with sufficient pleasure!'
He closed his eyes.
 
——
 
Hiei found Botan.
Shizuru had, astutely enough, dragged Keiko into another room when Hiei refused
to move from standing on the table before them. Botan had moved to follow.
"Botan."
She froze, and looked up at Hiei with wide eyes.
"Sit," he growled.
She sat.
"Yusuke said Kurama went alone on a case." Her face paled, and Hiei snarled.
"Tell me. Now."
"Y-you're supposed to take your shoes off-"
Flames danced on Hiei's shoulders. "What happened to Kurama?!"
"I can't! It's classified!"
Hiei growled; electricity ran down his arm. "Botan," he warned.
"I don't know what happened! Only Koenma knows what the case was, and I was
only there at the end!"
"Yusuke said you and Genkai 'put Kurama back together.'"
Botan winced.
The heavy stone in his chest sunk even lower. His hands were shaking. "Botan."
His voice was barely more than a whisper. "Speak. Now."
"He. Um." She ducked her head and tapped her fingers together. "He almost…"
Hiei stared at her.
"He almost died."
His core had shattered, surely. That's what that feeling was, right?
This emptiness that felt like death?
Kurama's hand caresses Hiei's cheek. He smiles, gentle-
"I… I think they knew that he had… plants. So they did something, some sort of
seal, and he couldn't use his plants on them." She looked down at her knees,
her hands tightly clasped together. "So he put them inside himself, like he did
against Toya during the Tournament. But then I guess the battle was longer than
he thought it would be, and… um."
Kurama, his arm cleaned of blood, slick with ointments, half-bandaged by Hiei's
careful hands, whispers apologies. His other hand rises, tucking Hiei's hair
behind his ear. A soft sigh-
Botan wrung her hands. "It was really bad," she whispered.
"How bad?" Hiei said, soft as silk.
"He wasn't… He had burned all his youki, or the plants ate it, or however it
works, and all of his reiki but for a small amount. He was basically… Um… It
was hard to know if he was even still alive, but Genkai said…" She blathered
on.
Hiei stopped listening.
His blood was pounding in his ears. He recognized his breathing was labored,
strangely so; his head felt light.
"-nursing the plants one by one off of his reiki and onto- oh!"
Hiei was on his knees on the table. He didn't realize he'd fallen.
Kurama, his body in shreds, leaning on Hiei, barely able to walk, breathes into
Hiei's ear, his breath honey and blood-
"Um, Hiei?"
'Hard to know if he was even still alive.'
"Hiei?"
Hiei wrapped his arms around himself.
"Um, Hiei? Should I… call someone?"
Hiei ignored her.
He almost died and I wasn't there.
He didn't call for me.
"Hiei?"
It was all a lie.
He doesn't need me at all.
Hiei stood abruptly and disappeared into the night.
 
——
 
Kurama sat in front of the fire.
Hiei's hair flutters in a warm sweet wind.
The flames were hot, a little too hot, but Kurama did not move. He knew his
seedlings protested the heat, but he quieted them.
Falling to the armored youkai's blade, Hiei's face is surprised, yes, but sad.
Kurama breathed.
Shiori is on vacation.
She has a new family.
That's what I wanted, isn't it?
For her to find happiness?
Maybe Genkai can do something for her when…
He looked down at his chest, at the blood seeping through. He saw the scars
over his stomach, his chest. There were others, he knew. The two particularly
nasty ones on his arms were still tight. Even now, after his own specialized
administrations, the scars ached and tingled. He had lost sensation in two
fingers for a while, but…
Shiori can never see these.
It would break her heart.
She would ask.
And what could I say?
He stared into the flames. He saw Hiei's face as he fell, his sadness, his
regret.
Regret.
But it wasn't real.
'I despise you and everything you are.'
That's what's real.
And I deserve his hatred.
I did lie to him. Knowing that it would hurt him if he found out.
Even if only to protect him from…
From knowing that I was afraid he'd die.
He won't care about the reasons.
To him, a lie is a lie. And I did lie to him.
He stood, shakily. He hadn't eaten in days. He didn't know how many. The wound,
the not-real wound, still bled lazily, pooling in the waistband of his uniform
trousers.
Meiou. I'll never return there.
The fire lapped the bricks outside the hearth.
Hiei.
I'm sorry.
This isn't what I wanted for you.
For us.
The sound of the blade moving down, through Hiei's neck, into the earth below,
echoed in his mind. Kurama tottered backwards.
It wasn't real.
But this is.
Hiei is gone.
He remembered how the woman's foot had rolled Hiei onto his back, and how
strange the angle of his neck had been, how wide his blank eyes-
He won't come back.
'I despise you and everything you are.'
Kurama laughed.
It's the same in the end, isn't it?
At least there is a small comfort in knowing he won't mourn me.
He turned from the fire, thinking of Hiei's kiss.
 
——
 
As if I could forget.
 
——
 
"I think if I can just," Kurama gave another tenuous smile, "sleep, I'll be
good as new by tomorrow."
"Yeah, but why take the chance?" Botan chirped. "I can-"
"I think I'd rather lay down," Kurama said. He nodded to them, turning away.
"Here, let me-"
"Please, Botan."
Botan stopped in her tracks. "But Kurama-"
"He said go!" Hiei snapped. A small hand pressed into Kurama's lower back.
"S-sorry," Botan murmured.
Hiei grumbled something under his breath and grabbed Kurama's wrist. Carefully,
he ducked under and draped Kurama's arm over his shoulder. "Lean on me as you
need to," he said softly. Hunched over, Kurama could lean on his shoulders,
despite the differences in their height.
"Thank you, Hiei," Kurama whispered back.
They slowly made their way to the room they'd been assigned. Hiei kicked the
door shut behind them.
"Don't push yourself." He guided Kurama to one of the beds, slowly letting him
sit. The rocking of the boat was soothing, somehow; Kurama felt ready to sleep.
As his legs touched the bed, he cried out.
"You idiot," Hiei whispered. He knelt before Kurama. One hand cupped the back
of Kurama's ankle, and the other slipped off his shoe. He removed the other
shoe the same way.
"Hiei."
Hiei looked up. Kurama saw the barely-restrained fury there, under the calm of
one well versed in the ebb and flow of battle. But Hiei's eyes were overly
wide. His breathing came tight and fast.
He's panicked. He's worried for me.
"Hiei-"
"You shouldn't have fought him. He was too strong for you."
"There wasn't a choice, Hiei."
"I should killed him before the fight."
"But the Tournament-"
"I don't care about the stupid tournament!" Hiei snapped. "Look at you! You-
" He clenched his fists.
Kurama raised one hand and gestured for Hiei to rise.
Hiei stood, eyes flashing. "You…" His breathing was labored. "Kurama, you…"
"Hiei." Kurama took Hiei's hands in his. He wound their fingers together. Hiei
stared at their hands. Kurama tugged, just a little, and Hiei took a hesitant
step forward.
Kurama reached up and cupped Hiei's face in one hand; his other hand held both
of Hiei's now. "You were worried for me."
Hiei's eyes narrowed. "How can you-"
"Thank you."
Hiei's mouth snapped shut. He glared at Kurama.
"You really do think of me, don't you, Hiei?" Kurama whispered. He reached up,
his fingers pushing the fringe from Hiei's forehead. He pulled the band up and
off, dropping it beside the bed. The Jagan stared ahead, seeing all.
"Thank you," Kurama said, softly. "For thinking of me. For worrying about me."
"Kurama-"
Kurama's hand let go of Hiei's. He reached up, curling his fingers in Hiei's
hair. He pulled him closer, and touched their lips together. Hiei's lips were
soft, softer than they should have been, hot and trembling. This close, Hiei's
scent of ash and ice flooded Kurama's senses, and he sighed into the kiss.
Hiei's breathing quickened.
Kurama broke the kiss, leaning back, his hands still wrapped in Hiei's hair.
Hiei's face was a bright, vivid pink, his pupils wide, his lips dark and wet.
"Thank you, Hiei."
 
——
 
It was at least an hour before dawn.
Kurama had always liked the earliest hours of summer days, when the wind
already held the sweet promise of heat.
One foot in front of the other.
It was as good a day as any.
 
——
 
Hiei followed overhead, the distance closing once he realized Kurama couldn't
sense him.
Kurama stumbled as he walked, hand gripping whatever was nearby to steady
himself. Through the forest around Genkai's compound, he had leaned against
trees; once into the city proper, handrails and buildings had become his
support. His feet were unsteady, but he moved with a singular focus.
He knows where he's going.
Hiei followed in silence. He refused to think about why he felt compelled to
follow.
 
——
 
The forest gave way to back streets, which turned to sidewalks of the city.
This early in the morning, no one was around to see him make his way slowly
towards the bridge.
The bridge was a good place, he had thought. He had always like bridges. There
was something so indelibly human about forging a pathway where none had any
right to naturally exist, if only to make further crossings easier. Only humans
thought in such a way. This was the sort of novelty that kept him in delight of
humanity.
That and their capacity to survive just about anything.
But Kurama wasn't really human, was he?
Though Shuichi's body was the one slowly making its way from the outer reaches
of the city, it was Kurama's youkai soul which drove it. It was the soul of
Youko Kurama, and his singular youkai will, that would push this body of soft
human flesh to accomplish more than it should have ever been able to do.
In a way, he had always been balancing like this, half-youkai, half-human, both
and yet neither.
One mistake after another.
He pushed the thought out of his mind. Obscenely early morning was starting to
give way to early morning, and he needed to be done before someone could stop
him.
There's no way out of this. He told me how he felt. He left. At least I know.
At least I won't be left wondering about what could have been.
And if he kills a few dozen humans, what of it?
It's not as if Koenma will be able to stop him.
I'd like to see him try.
Hell, I doubt even Yusuke could stop Hiei in a rage.
Hiei in a rage. What a beautiful thing that must be.
He stumbled over an uneven part of the sidewalk, and went down on his knees.
I have to get up.
He tried to pull himself up using the handrail, but his arms shuddered with
weakness.
Oh, Hiei.
This is all that it ever could have been.
I should be thankful to have had this much.
A tiny thread of black youki swam within his.
From the devouring?
You'll be free of me soon enough, Hiei.
He pulled one foot forward and stumbled to his feet.
Not much further.
 
——
 
Hiei landed silently on his feet behind Kurama. The other, shaking and
unnaturally pale, had struggled to find his footing.
Kurama didn't know Hiei was there.
He's burning both his youki and his reiki.
Hiei's eyes narrowed.
Why?
What is he thinking?
Where is he going?
Hiei's swallowed.
'Without him, what reason have I to live?'
He followed in silence until Kurama stopped again, for no reason. Kurama turned
and looked off the side of the bridge.
Hiei looked. There was nothing of interest to see from this vantage point: a
rather underwhelming predawn view of a small, ugly city.
Kurama was leaning forward over the railing.
Kurama, what are you looking-
Hiei was already leaping forward as he realized. "Kurama!"
Kurama pitched forward over the railing towards the river below.
 
——
 
The fire in the hearth, crackling and wild, threw gold and red light over the
room, but for a single dark shadow.
Kurama coughed, tasting brine, and groaned.
"You're an idiot."
Kurama rolled his head towards the shadow. "Hi…ei?" His voice was odd, scratchy
and dry; it hurt to speak.
"You're an idiot."
"Hiei-"
"Stop talking." Hiei rose from his crouch before the fire. He stopped beside
the little cot and stared down at Kurama.
Kurama stared up at him.
They watched each other, and the way the reddish flames made the shadows dance
over each other's faces. There were dark circles under Hiei's eyes that Kurama
didn't remember being there before.
"Hiei-"
"I said stop talking."
"But-"
"If you continue to talk I will leave."
Kurama winced, and Hiei's frown deepened.
The flames crackled.
Kurama watched the hearth. He vaguely remembered the bridge, the cold air sharp
against his face, then impact and cold… but nothing else. He glanced up at
Hiei, still watching him in silence.
"In the Territory, you said…" Hiei began. He stopped. His frown deepened. "You
said, 'Without…'" He drifted off, before turning away and going back to crouch
in front of the fire.
Kurama forced himself to sit up. His vision was still blurry.
"There's a tea on the stool in front of you," Hiei said. "From Genkai."
"What… what kind of tea?" Kurama whispered.
Hiei didn't reply.
Kurama found the mug on a small table beside the cot. His hands shook as he
slipped the cap off the mug and breathed in vapors.
Chamomile, birch, mugwort, cinnamon, pepperseed…
He drank. The tea was sweet enough to make his teeth ache. He drank until there
was only the sludge of honey and herbs at the bottom. He put the mug back.
It was easier to stay sitting up now. He watched Hiei's back as he sat beside
the hearth, his face nearly in the flames. A log shifted in a flash of sparks,
and Hiei reached in, his hands bare, rearranging the stacked wood to his
liking.
"'Without him, what reason have I to live?'" Hiei said softly to the flames.
Kurama felt his face burn. "Hiei-"
"Is it true?"
Kurama said nothing.
Hiei, still facing the hearth, stared into the flames. "Genkai said… when
someone's perception is manipulated, their reactions to things change. That…
having your perception changed like this means you… say and do things. Things
you don't mean to do, or say. Things that aren't real."
Oh, Hiei.
"She said-"
"I mean what I said. It was true in the Territory and it's still true now."
Hiei stilled.
"I stand by what I said, Hiei. All of it."
The silence stretched, punctuated only by the soft crackling of the hearth.
"But why?"
Kurama winced. "Hiei, after everything, how can you-"
Hiei fled.
 
——
 
"So, uh, how was he?"
"Oh, Kurama? He's better. Stronger."
"Uh, Botan?"
"What?"
"What was he doing on the bridge?"
"Um…"
"Why was Hiei there?"
"I don't… I'm not sure."
"What did Kurama say?"
"He only thanked me for the food."
"What, you didn't ask?"
"It didn't seem like the right time!"
"Botan!"
"You want to know so badly, you deliver his food next time!"
 
——
 
Hiei stood in the shadows.
Why am I here?
He watched Kurama stare into the flames.
I hate him.
I despise him.
I wish he were dead.
Hiei's breath stuttered; in his mind he saw his own hands, his skin lashed with
Kurama's wet-blacked hair as Hiei dragged him from the river.
I hate you, Kurama.
Kurama reached for the mug on the floor beside him. As he stretched, Hiei saw
the gleam of fresh scar tissue.
Why didn't you call for me?
Am I really of so little value to you?
Do I really mean nothing to you?
Do you really think I can't help you at all?
His eyes ached.
After everything I have done for you-
A pair of pebbles clattered on the floor. Kurama's youki soared. Kurama knew he
was there.
"Hiei?" Kurama called.
Hiei fled.
 
——
 
"I just don't get it."
"It's not for you to get. Let them be."
"But-"
"Kuwa-chan, you and Yusuke have known each other a long time."
"Hey, what're you trying to say?"
"Ha-ha, it's nothing like that! But you and Yusuke understand each other,
right? You'd trust Yusuke to have your back in a fight. You'd trust him if he
asked you to do something without explaining why."
"Yeah, but-"
"And that's how Yusuke feels about you."
"Well, yeah, but-"
"And there are some things about you that only Yusuke could understand, right?"
"…"
"Kuwa-chan!"
"Of course! But Botan! This is Hiei we're talking about!"
"Yes, but if Kurama only wants to talk to Hiei about something, it's none of
our business!"
 
——
 
"I thought I might find you here."
Hiei ignored him.
"Is this where you've been hiding?" Yusuke asked, swinging himself up onto the
same beam he'd occupied last time.
"I don't hide," Hiei snapped.
"Huh, that's what it looks like you're doing. That or running away from Kurama-
"
Hiei had a fistful of Yusuke's shirt before the last word was out of his mouth.
"If I throw you from here, you won't survive the fall."
"I dunno, I might at this point. I'm feeling rather sturdy these days." Yusuke
grinned, throwing his arms behind his head. "Besides, Hiei, you and I both know
you're not gonna try and kill me, no matter how pissed off you are. Cut the
theatrics."
Hiei growled, but released Yusuke's shirt.
"The view really is nice up here. I can see why you like it."
"Usually it's quieter."
Yusuke laughed, and Hiei ground his teeth.
Yusuke hummed to himself for a little bit, then leaned forward, swinging his
legs. "Everyone's worried," he said, voice more serious.
"I'm sure."
"You may not want to accept it, but we all do care what happens to you."
Hiei fixed Yusuke with a very pointed glare.
"And we all care about what happens to Kurama," Yusuke continued in a lower
voice.
Hiei looked away.
"He's not talking to any of us. He's back to being his usual cheerful self, but
it's not real." Yusuke's feet were swinging. "He won't talk to us. Whenever
someone asks, he just says, 'It's okay. Hiei made sure I was okay.'"
Hiei snarled.
Lying fox.
"But he's not okay. He hasn't been okay. Not for a while." Yusuke sighed. "Even
since before the Tournament was over."
Hiei's head snapped up.
Yusuke was watching him. "What, did you think you were the only one who
noticed?"
"Yes."
Yusuke frowned. "I mean, we've all been a little preoccupied but-"
"Kurama almost died. Multiple times. His fighting style should be called
attempted suicide-"
"Is that what the bridge was?"
"Youkai don't commit suicide."
"They don't?"
"No." Hiei snorted. "Some Reikai detective you are."
"You know I'm not actually a detective anymore." Yusuke was swinging his feet
again. "But uh, Kurama's not entirely youkai, is he?"
Hiei fell silent.
"Listen, Hiei, uh, whatever Kurama is going through, he's decided that you're
the only person that he… trusts. The rest of us can support him by being his
friend, and being there for him when we can, but it isn't us he needs."
Hiei closed his eyes.
"It's you."
He doesn't need me.
"You don't know what you're talking about," Hiei growled.
"Eh, I'm pretty sure I do."
He doesn't want me.
I'm just a thing to him, to be-
Hiei looked away.
"Are you okay?"
"Shut up."
"Look, I'm telling you the truth. Kurama needs you. You've always gone to him
when he's needed you before."
Hiei snorted.
Like a good little slave.
"So why are you up here and not down there now?"
Hiei said nothing.
"Hiei?"
"What?"
"What is your problem? Kurama needs you, and-"
"He doesn't need me."
"He does. I just told you that."
"You're wrong."
"Hiei-"
"Do you know how old Kurama is?"
Yusuke shrugged. "I dunno. He's older than us, I guess, right?"
"Do you know how old I am?"
"Uh…"
"Kurama is nearly into his second millennia."
"Oh. Wow. Really?"
"Yes." Hiei glared at the city spread out before them. "Now tell me that a two-
millennia-old fox god 'needs' a worthless thing like me."
"What the fuck, Hiei, you aren't worthless!"
Hiei shook his head. "But that is how Kurama sees me."
"How can you think that? He trusts you-"
"Because…" Hiei stopped. "You wouldn't understand."
"Try me."
"No."
"C'mon, Hiei, I want to help."
"Still thinking like you're human."
"This isn't about human or youkai-"
Hiei laughed. "It absolutely is."
"How?"
Hiei shook his head.
"And actually, Kurama is human. At least a little bit. His body's human at
least. I think. That has to have an impact, right?"
"His body is human, and as old as you are. But the soul directing that body is
old, and…"
"And what?"
"I don't know," Hiei whispered.
"Hiei, what happened?"
"You wouldn't understand."
"Stop saying that and start explaining then!"
Hiei shook his head. "I'm not about to have a heart-to-heart with you," he
snapped. "We're not going to sit here and blather on about our problems like a-
"
"Wait a second. Heart-to-heart?"
Hiei flushed.
"Why would you say that?"
"It's just an expression!"
"Oh my god, Hiei! Are you saying that you and Kurama are in a relationship?"
"No! We aren't!" Hiei tried to breathe, but his breath came raggedly. That
tight feeling in his chest returned.
"Oh my god!"
"Shut up!"
"Hiei!" Yusuke had a huge stupid grin. "That's-"
"Shut up!" Hiei whipped out his sword and held it, shaking, an inch before
Yusuke's nose. "Shut up," he growled. The sword's tip floundered, and he knew
Yusuke saw. His face flushed with shame.
"Hiei-"
"Shut up! Just shut up already!"
Yusuke leaned forward over the girder. "So do you love him?"
"No," Hiei said instantly. His face was burning.
Love?!
"Are you sure?"
"What kind of question is that? Are you an idiot? I said no!"
Yusuke gave him a long stare. "Are you sure you're not just afraid to find out
that you are?"
Hiei's eyes widened.
"Hiei?"
"I don't love," he snarled. "I am a youkai, and at least I know what I am!" He
sheathed his sword and moved to jump away.
Somehow, Yusuke beat him to it. Hiei found himself caught, one of Yusuke's
hands latched onto his wrist, the other hand hanging onto a girder. "Hiei-"
"Let go of me or lose your hand."
Yusuke let go. "Talk to him."
"No."
"Hiei, if you didn't want to talk to him, why are you still here? You haven't
had any difficulty disappearing before. What's different now?" Yusuke gestured
to the horizon. "There's a whole human world filled with random youkai and all
sorts of ridiculous trouble to get into. There's an open invitation from Enma
to return you to Makai at any point. There's at least two dozen cases Koenma's
been on my ass about for weeks now. There's a mess of Territory-users lurking
about. And yet you're here, less than a mile from Kurama at all times, doing
fuck-all." He shook his head and ran his free hand through his hair. "I mean,
lie to me if you want, but at least be honest with yourself."
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Notes
     Things fall apart.
     They get worse before they get better.
     - -
     This chapter is one of the longer ones.
Hiei runs towards him, cloaked in violet flames, his sword at the ready,
Kurama's name on his lips.
Kurama hears the swing of the broadsword, and the slick sound of metal through
flesh.
Hiei's eyes meet Kurama's.
Regret.
That's what it was.
Hiei falls. His hair, soft and free, dances in an unfelt wind.
"Hiei…" Kurama whispered.
The armored youkai steps forward, swinging its blade clean, spraying blood,
Hiei's blood, over the bare earth. He raises the broadsword in both hands,
holding the sword high above Hiei's shoulders.
The sword moves down, making that horrible, horrible sound, and Kurama wails-
"Kurama."
Kurama's eyes sprung open.
Hiei sat on the side of the cot.
"Hiei," Kurama breathed. There was the scent missing in his dream: ash and
brimstone, and something cold and sterile. A contradiction.
Hiei.
You're alive.
Hiei watched Kurama's face a moment longer, then looked away, frowning, cheeks
already flushed.
He's not angry. He's… lost.
Hiei, let me-
"I am leaving."
Kurama's heart sank like lead. "What?"
"There is no reason for me to be here."
"Hiei…"
"You… confuse me." Staring at the far wall, Hiei's hand clenched into a shaking
fist. "Being around you… I can't think. Nothing is right. I don't know what I
am doing, or why I am doing it. So it makes sense for me to leave."
"Don't say it isn't right, Hiei," Kurama said softly.
"It isn't." Hiei's shoulders tensed. "You confuse me. You say you have no
reason… to live without… me, after having gone to fight a battle without me,
though you know I would have come at your call. You throw yourself off a bridge
when you think no one is there to stop you, because you think you…" he
swallowed, "can't live without me." His eyes met Kurama's in an icy glare. "You
drowned me, forcing me to be yours and promising to protect me. You kissed me.
Then you disappeared, ignoring me for a month."
Kurama sighed. "Hiei-"
"I don't understand you!" Hiei hissed. "I don't know what you want from me!"
"Hiei…"
"What is wrong with you?" Hiei shouted. He seemed surprised at his own
outburst. "What are you doing, Kurama?" he hissed in a whisper. "What are you
doing to me?"
Kurama reached for him, but Hiei stepped out of his reach. "Hiei, you know how
I feel about you."
"No," Hiei growled, "I don't."
"Haven't I shown you?"
"What am I to take as an example of your feelings?" Hiei snarled. "The third
night of the Tournament, when you…" He was trembling. "When you… drowned me in
your power, when you…" His chest heaved. He shook his head with a growl. "That
night? Or the second night of fighting, when you wouldn't let me touch you, to
even treat your wounds? Or should I take the last night of the Tournament, when
you kissed me?"
Kurama looked away. "Hiei-"
"Or should I consider the fact that you went on a case without me? Yusuke said
you fought two B-Class alone, at Koenma's request. Why didn't you call me?"
Kurama met his eyes, saying nothing.
Hiei growled. "You-"
"You and I are different, Hiei. Your battles suit you in their
straightforwardness. You seek an advantage, and exploit it, but should that
advantage fail, you aren't opposed to winning through brute force. But I don't
have that brute force, not anymore at least." Kurama raised his hands before
his own face, studying the flecks with dried blood still lining the crevices of
his palms. "I have to be calculating. There's force to it, yes, but if I win,
it's because I outwitted my opponent." He met Hiei's eyes and sighed. "And if I
lose," he whispered, "it's because I wasn't clever enough, fast enough."
"That's stupid!"
Kurama laughed. "Maybe. But how else can I fight?"
"Don't! Don't get into fights with opponents who outclass you in every way!"
"No, I don't think so," Kurama said softly. "I've never been one to shy away
from battle."
"You didn't have to fight alone."
"I was afraid…" Kurama shook his head.
"Afraid of what?"
"Afraid you'd… be hurt."
Hiei growled. "Don't pretend you care what happens to me, Kurama!"
"Don't you dare say that to me," Kurama whispered.
Hiei's eyes narrowed. "Kurama-"
"Even that." He met Hiei's eyes again, stronger now. "Am I Kurama to you?"
Hiei paused, looking for deceit. "Who else would you be?"
"I don't know. Shuichi maybe. Or Youko Kurama."
"You are Shuichi. You are Youko Kurama. You are both and neither. That is what
Kurama is."
Kurama nodded. "Yes, I suppose so."
A silence fell between them.
"You've confused me again," Hiei growled, spinning on his heel. "I came here to
tell you I am leaving."
Kurama nodded. "Yes, you did."
"I won't come back."
"That's fine."
Hiei stared at him, searching his eyes for something.
Kurama turned his face to the wall.
Hiei's hands balled into fists. "Kurama-"
"'Without him, what reason have I to live?' That's what I said?"
Hiei froze.
Kurama nodded. He looked back at Hiei, and Hiei's breath came fast and tight at
the blankness in Kurama's eyes. "Then go." He turned back to the wall.
"You don't make sense," Hiei hissed. "You've decided on something-"
"Yes. And that's it. I've made my decision."
"Kurama-"
"The past year I've spent more time with you than anyone else," Kurama said
softly. He rolled onto his back. "During the Tournament. Before the Tournament,
when Koenma was going on about 'rehabilitation.' Our days of thievery before
that." His shoulders tightened. "That you don't know how I feel about you pains
me."
"Oh, it pains you, does it? Do you suffer from your own inconsistencies?" Hiei
snarled.
Kurama shook his head. "That night, after Urashima used that regression box,
and I was only Youko Kurama again." His eyes sparkled. "I remember that night."
Hiei's face flushed. "What does that have to do with anything?"
Kurama looked up at him. "The people in my life… they see facets of me. Shiori
sees only her son, her little Shuichi," he said softly. "Yusuke and the others
only see me as someone mostly human, someone like them, who occasionally can do
extraordinary things, as they can. Koenma and Botan know me for the reputation
I earned as Youko Kurama, and my use to them now. Genkai… doesn't trust me and
avoids me as she can. You're the only one who sees me as I want to be seen. As
all of these things. As an equal."
Hiei stared at him.
"Mostly an equal. Sometimes superior," he added with a small laugh. "That's
important to me. You see me." He lowered his eyes. "You saw me that night. And
I saw you."
Hiei shook his head. "Whatever you saw-"
"Even before, during the fight, I saw that you saw me, Hiei."
And more.
In his memory he saw the flare in Hiei's eyes from across the arena floor, the
dark pleasure at watching Youko amuse himself with tormenting the weak and
terrified Urashima. He had seen the way Hiei's breathing had changed, even from
a distance. He had seen the slow smile when their eyes had locked, and for the
briefest moment, they had shared that electric fire.
He thought about that moment often.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"When I was… toying with Urashima, I saw you. Excited. Enraptured."
Hiei snarled. "Words."
"I know what I saw." He paused, thinking. "And that night-"
Hiei bared his teeth; his cheeks flushed darker.
Kurama fixed him with a hard glare. "When Yusuke fought Toguro, do you know
what I saw in you?"
Hiei frowned.
"None of that. You were wary. You watched them fight, but there was no
excitement from you. You were sizing them up, both of them, as opponents. You
watched, not out of concern or desire to see Yusuke win, but to see if Yusuke
would fall. If Yusuke had died, your only concern would be killing Toguro
yourself." Kurama looked up at the pitch-painted ceiling. "That's not how you
watched my fights. That's not how you look at me."
"It means nothing."
Kurama nodded. "So go."
He felt Hiei flinch.
Kurama sighed. "If I am wrong, and you don't… love me, then my death should
mean nothing to you."
"How can-"
"Go, Hiei. Or don't. But I'm tired." Kurama rolled back on his side, wincing
against the tightness of the wound in his chest that wasn't real. "Make up your
mind."
"If I go, you will die."
"That's my intention."
"I could tell the others."
Kurama's voice was low and dark. "Oh, Hiei, do you really think they could stop
me?"
Hiei said nothing, but Kurama had felt the jolt in Hiei's youki.
"Besides, why bother? Since you despise me so. I'd think you'd be happy to be
rid of me."
Hiei snorted. "And if…"
Kurama could hear Hiei's teeth grinding.
"If I stay. You'll… expect something of me."
"Will I?"
Hiei's growl was soft. "Don't toy with me, fox!"
"I believe I know how you feel better than you do. You can't admit to what you
feel, to me or to yourself."
"Kurama-"
"I watched you die, Hiei." Kurama stared at the wall, the memory playing, as
always, on endless repeat behind his eyes. He closed his eyes as the sword
stabbed downward, through Hiei's throat and into warm summer earth below. "In
that moment, I knew what I felt, and I knew you felt the same. I knew that with
your death, I would never be able to tell you what I had realized, or be able
to see if you were ready to admit it as well." He paused. "To be honest, Hiei,
nothing has changed in either of us. It's only that I can now see what has been
there... for a very long time."
Hiei said nothing.
Kurama felt sleep tugging at his consciousness. "In a way," he murmured, "I am
thankful for what happened. For having gone through it. At least this way, I
know and can tell you to your face, before it's too late."
 
——
 
"What is that?!"
"What? Oh, that. That's Hiei."
"Doing what?! Causing earthquakes?"
"Something like that."
"Why are you so calm about this?!"
"Because it's progress. At least he's not hiding on the transmission tower
again."
"I don't understand. He's lost his mind and you're happy."
"Listen, while you and I were taking care of that jerk and his stupid gravity
Territory, they were dealing with… whatever they were dealing with."
"So what?"
"So clearly something happened, you idiot!"
"But what? None of this makes any sense! Kurama's bed-bound, Hiei's off blowing
up rocks-"
"It doesn't matter!"
"Don't give me that, Urameshi! I know you're hiding something!"
"…It's none of our business anyway."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
 
——
 
'If I am wrong, and you don't love me, then my death should mean nothing to
you.'
Hiei roared; another rock fractured into gravel.
'If I am wrong, and you don't love me, then my death should mean nothing to
you.'
He flew past another boulder, shattering it as he passed.
'If I am wrong, and you don't love me, then my death should mean nothing to
you.'
Up into the air he flew; spinning, he threw down fire, flattening the stones
around him into a fine sand.
'If I am wrong, and you don't love me-'
He landed, chest heaving.
'Love.'
Groaning, Hiei grabbed his head in his hands.
'Love.'
Damn you, Kurama!
Hiei spun. His kick sailed through another rock.
In his memory, he saw laughing Bakken and the battered, near-dead Kurama, vines
still growing from his own arms, closer to death than at any point in Hiei's
memory; Hiei could feel Kurama's reiki flicker and fade, his youki completely
gone. He felt his heart surge into his throat, his mouth already moving through
the motions of ensatsu kokuryuha before Genkai had stopped him, pointing to the
other side of the arena, to Yusuke and the fierce glow of his rei-gun.
'Nothing has changed in either of us. It's only that I can now see what has
been there for a very long time.'
He remembered the feeling of powerlessness, watching Yusuke carry Kurama to
safety. Hiei's youki had flared around him. "If Kurama dies," he had growled,
soft as death, heard only by Genkai and that idiot with her pathetic periphery,
"everyone here dies with him."
For the rest of Yusuke's match, Hiei kept himself only focused on the dull
pulse of Kurama's reiki. He had not seen Yusuke or Kuwabara fight.
'Nothing has changed in either of us. It's only that I can now see what has
been there for a very long time.'
Kurama, drenched in his own blood, on his knees before Karasu, defeated. The
panic in Hiei's throat, the rage flickering in his hands. "I will kill you
myself," he had whispered, but no one had heard.
'...what has been there for a very long time.'
Hiei groaned and sank to his knees.
'...a very long time.'
Kurama, up on shaking arms, glaring at Karasu as Karasu laughed something that
Hiei refused to hear. Kurama, shouting something, his hair blown back and then
Karasu falling, but Hiei's eyes on Kurama, wavering between horror and elation:
horrified by how empty Kurama felt, how Hiei could barely feel anything of him,
youki or reiki, yet thrilled by how powerful Kurama had been, burning the last
of his own reiki, clever fox Kurama, defeating Karasu by nearly dying himself-
'...a very long time.'
He remembered Kurama, swaying on his feet, letting Hiei guide him to his own
bed, groaning as Hiei helped him sit. Hiei, kneeling before him, removing one
shoe, then the other. Kurama beckoning him to rise, his tongue darting over his
lips-
"Damn you, Kurama…"
Kurama, vanished in the mist. Urashima and his stupid box, gloating, cackling
as if he had already won. Kurama's reiki steadily diminishing: Hiei remembered
the tightness in his chest when he felt the shine of Kurama's reiki fall aside
to a surge of strange yet familiar white youki, growing and growing and growing
in the mist until that terrible crash-
Youko.
Hiei stared wide eyed at the ground, at the gravel and sand surrounding him,
seeing nothing.
Youko.
'Am I Kurama to you?'
Youko rising out of the mists. Youko, his gold eyes laughing, taking in the
full arena and sniffing with disdain before staring right into Hiei's soul. His
gasp of breath mirrored in Youko's own sharp intake, and the heat of the power
of Youko's stare, sending coils of fire through Hiei's body-
'Am I Kurama to you?'
Hiei felt his heart thundering in his chest.
Youko's golden eyes looking down at him and through him, seeing the whole of
him laid bare, seeing and acknowledging the sheer want Hiei could not even
begin to hide, and Youko's narrowing eyes and widening grin-
'Am I Kurama to you?'
Kurama lowers his eyes, after the battle, lashes fluttering as he glances at
Hiei. There is reservation there, as Kurama watches to see what Hiei's reaction
will be. Hiei knows Kurama sees that he is restless, unsettled: Hiei has known,
of course, that Kurama is Youko Kurama, that they are in essence the same
being, and there had been times in the past Hiei and Kurama shared when quiet,
gentle Kurama had become filled with that dark and terrible delight in the
torture and destruction of those who moved against them. But to see Youko in
the flesh, to be face to face with-
Kurama had seen something then, in Hiei's face, and there had been a flicker,
of gold-green, and Hiei's face had flushed-
Hiei stared at the ground.
He remembered following behind the others in silence as they returned to their
rooms in the human hotel, as limping Kurama made smiling excuses and left them,
Hiei following silently behind. He remembered Kurama standing in his tattered
clothes in the middle of the room they'd shared since the first night. But his
reiki and youki danced and filled the room in swirls that made Hiei's head swim
with colors and light and sensation-
Hiei's eyes widened.
 
——
 
The door clicked shut behind them, and Hiei leaned against it, watching. Kurama
stopped in the middle of the room, looking at nothing. One hand rose to the
ties on the shoulder of his gi. He stopped, and turned his head, slowly, to
stare at Hiei.
The reiki and youki swarming through the room crackled. Hiei's Jagan had
already begun to ache from the pressure.
Kurama raised his chin, and Hiei saw that same flicker, that same golden sheen
to his heavy-lidded eyes, and then a twitch in the corner of his mouth. "Come
undress me."
Hiei had raised one eyebrow, but stepped forward. He told himself he was
curious, and that was all. And that Kurama was injured. That it was not an odd
request. That being commanded by him, like this, hadn't sent a jolt of terror
and excitement to his very core.
Standing before Kurama, he reached up and loosened the gi's ties on Kurama's
right shoulder; their eyes remained locked on one another. Kurama's youki
pulsed tight against Hiei's skin, and for a brief moment, he could barely
breathe. Something that tasted like fear but felt like pleasure ached in Hiei's
throat, and Kurama chuckled.
Hiei froze. He realized, suddenly, that he feared Kurama. Deeply. And that it
thrilled him. He looked up, and caught Kurama's knowing eyes looking through
him.
Kurama's smile widened, baring sharp teeth.
 
——
 
Hiei shivered, his arms wrapped around himself. His blood felt like fire.
 
——
 
"Undress me," Kurama said again, softer, lower. Youki leaked into his voice,
compelling Hiei, but just lightly enough to give him the option to resist.
Hiei's hands reached forward, finding the edges of Kurama's belt, and shifted
it, loosening the knot. The belt fell to the floor, and Hiei pulled the front
of Kurama's gi away from the sweaty, bloody shirt beneath.
Kurama's eyes half-closed; his youki throbbed against Hiei's skin. An
invitation.
"Undress me," Kurama whispered.
Hiei's youki responded in kind, flaring up to brush against Kurama's. Black
fire against white heat.
Kurama laughed, low and dark, and Hiei drew a sharp breath. He moved to the
side, Kurama watching his every step, until he was directly behind Kurama.
Kurama made a low breathy growl that sent sparks along Hiei's skin.
 
——
 
Hiei stared at his hands splayed on the ground before him. His breathing came
fast and hard.
Did he know then?
Did I?
 
——
 
His hands were shaking as he brushed aside Kurama's hair, heavy with blood and
sweat and plant matter. His fingers fumbled, but he managed to gently tug the
sweat-damp gi back off Kurama's one shoulder, then the other. The soaked shirt
beneath clung to Kurama's skin. Hiei's tongue was thick in his mouth.
He peeled the gi downwards, separating it from the shirt beneath. Kurama
sighed, shrugging; the gi slipped to the floor, where it pooled by his feet. He
stepped forward, spun before Hiei's eyes could follow, and sat on the edge of
the bed.
Kurama watched Hiei, his shaking hands, his tight breathing, the strain of his
youki along his skin. And Hiei felt horribly, shamefully naked.
He had been without clothing in front of Kurama before, of course. He wasn't
some stupid prudish human, after all. But this... undoing that the awakened
Kurama could see in him was too much to bear. He considered fleeing, but knew
if he bolted, Kurama would stop him, if for no reason other than that he could.
His face grew hot.
"I didn't realize ice youkai could blush," Kurama commented, his voice still
not quite right.
Hiei looked at the floor. Despite the heat rushing through his body, his own
youki called forth by Kurama's, he was shivering.
Kurama raised one foot.
Hiei glanced up, met Kurama's eyes, and looked away.
"Undress me," Kurama said, voice harder still.
Hiei exhaled in a slow tremble. He swallowed, inhaled, and stepped closer to
the bed. He sunk down on one knee, well-aware Kurama knew he was a hair's
breadth from running, and, with shaking hands, removed Kurama's shoe.
Kurama sighed with pleasure, wriggling his bare toes freely, and Hiei
shuddered. Kurama laughed then, raising his other foot.
Hiei removed the other shoe. He lined them up beside him and remained kneeling
before Kurama, unable to move. His eyes couldn't leave Kurama's face. He was
enraptured, caught. His body surged with delight, and he struggled to remain
still.
Kurama kicked his feet. "It feels good to be able to rest."
Hiei said nothing. His entire being pulsed in rhythm with Kurama's youki.
"You're rather quiet," Kurama said, dangerously low.
Hiei gritted his teeth. His breath stuttered. The air was too thick-
"What are you thinking, Hiei?" Kurama leaned forward, and bathed Hiei fully in
his youki.
Hiei cried out, despite himself. His skin was fire now: soft dark flames danced
over his entire body, called forth against his will, lapping at the edge of
Kurama's power. He screwed his eyes shut, but the Jagan remained wide open
beneath its band, staring at the white-hot image of Kurama. His teeth vibrated
in his head; his bones creaked.
Kurama leaned closer still, and hooked one finger beneath the band on Hiei's
forehead. Without touching him, he tugged the band free and uncovered the
Jagan. Kurama's youki shifted with his movements, smashing through Hiei's
walls-
There were tears in Hiei's clenched eyes. He heard them clatter on the floor as
they fell.
"Oh, Hiei… You do look lovely like this," Kurama whispered.
 
——
 
Hiei groaned. He leaned forward on his knees until his head touched the sandy
ground. His back arched, and his shaking hands fumbled with the ties of his
belt.
 
——
 
Hiei choked out a sob. Kurama's youki was everything, everywhere: beneath his
youki, Hiei smelled roses. Trembling and on his knees, he leaned away from
Kurama, away from this overwhelming heat and sensation, but Kurama was on his
feet in front of Hiei now, shining brighter than his Jagan could bear, reaching
forward.
"Hiei," Kurama breathed. "Let me-"
"Please," Hiei sobbed.
Kurama's hand stopped, close enough that Hiei could feel the heat radiating off
his skin.
Hiei's eyes, still tightly closed, leaked more tears; the stones fell in his
lap and rolled away. He felt shameful then, knowing that Kurama saw his tears,
saw how they fell, and would know how terrified Hiei was, and how the terror
rioted his blood and made his whole body tremble. He knew Kurama could see how
his fear of Kurama excited him and drew forth a heat coiled from the depths of
his being, how his fear made him hard and wanting, how his fear made him
tremble. Kurama could see him, and Hiei choked out another sob. More stones
fell.
"What would you ask of me, Hiei?" Kurama whispered, and Hiei knew he spoke not
as himself, not with the quiet intensity of the bright-eyed youkai-human
hybrid, but as something older, wiser, something inescapably more than Hiei had
ever readily understood.
Hiei burned. His teeth clenched tight, biting back the cries that welled in his
throat. He struggled to regain control over himself and his wild youki-
"Hiei."
Kurama was stronger than Hiei had ever realized.
There was no way he could survive resisting him.
 
——
 
He couldn't control his breathing. He leaned forward on one arm; he had torn
off the bindings on his other hand. His fingers splayed over the tip of his
cock, spreading precum down, and he bit back a moan. His hand moved faster.
 
——
 
There were two options available to him. Either Kurama would devour him whole
in spite of Hiei's futile struggles, or-
Hiei gasped for breath and reached out. Kurama's youki burned him, more than
the searing consuming pain of the kokuryuha, almost the same as having his soul
cut out to receive his Jagan-
He could feel Kurama watching him from above, and sobbed as he leaned forward,
touching his head to the floor before Kurama. He felt Kurama's sigh of
satisfaction, but his youki continued to slam against Hiei's entire self in
waves of heat and unmaking.
Tears rolled down his cheeks.
Hiei's shaking hand reached forward and, reverently, hesitantly, he touched
Kurama's warm ankle.
Kurama's youki flooded his body, demanding, threatening to consume him whole-
And Hiei let himself go.
His dark fires were washed away in a tsunami of white light. His mouth filled
with the taste of rose water. His soul was shredded by white thorns.
He cried out, and Kurama ran his fingers through Hiei's sweat-slicked hair. He
pulled Hiei close; Hiei clutched at Kurama's leg and held tight, riding the
waves of Kurama's youki, no longer drowning. His body felt as if it were about
to crisp into ash, but Kurama's youki was both fire and sweet water, agony and
joy. His body shuddered, spasmed as he came without a touch, and he clung to
Kurama's leg, the last piece of control he'd retained.
"Oh, Hiei…" Kurama stroked Hiei's hair back off his forehead as Hiei screamed
for mercy.
 
——
 
His hips buckled, and Hiei clenched his teeth.
Kurama had looked at him then, seen his need and his terror and his shame-
With a shout, Hiei spilled onto the ground.
He stayed like that, rocks and sand cutting into his bare forearm, until his
breathing calmed.
Was that his way of…
'Hiei, you know how I feel about you. Haven't I shown you?'
'If I am wrong, and you don't love me…'
Hiei leaned back on his haunches. The sky above was empty of clouds.
'If I am wrong, and you don't love me…'
Is that what he feels?
Love?
His mind was in chaos. He had thought he knew what he and Kurama were:
partners, in fighting and theft and general criminal behavior. But then Kurama
had been so strange during the Tournament, breaking the careful distance they
had constructed.
Hiei raised one hand and burned his hand clean. He rewrapped the part of the
bandage over his palm, making sure the seals were secure.
'Hiei, you know how I feel about you. Haven't I shown you?'
I don't know what to think.
I truly am worthless.
Hiei sat unmoving amongst the broken rocks until dusk had settled into night.
 
——
 
Kurama gave the three in the doorway a gentle, cheerful smile.
Kuwabara was frowning, arms crossed over his chest, staring out of the little
guesthouse and into the distance, and Botan seemed nervous. Yusuke was watching
him with knowing eyes.
"How are you feeling?" Botan asked, her voice overly cheerful.
"Better," Kurama admitted. He gestured to the bandages on his chest, just
visible between the lapels of his unbuttoned but tightly drawn jacket. "Healing
quickly. Genkai's medicines have been helping."
They nodded. An uncomfortable silence stretched.
"Kurama, we're here for you, you know that, right?" Botan said.
He smiled warmly. "I'm lucky to have such friends."
Yusuke and Kuwabara exchanged a glance.
What's this?
They don't-
"Look, Kurama, whatever is going on between you and Hiei-"
"Is between myself and Hiei," Kurama said flatly.
Botan stared at him. Kuwabara snorted, shaking his head.
"Yes, I agree." Yusuke's smile hardened. "But we know the two of you, and you
two are the most stubborn people we know."
Kurama frowned.
"So if there's anything we can do for either of you-"
Kuwabara loudly cleared his throat.
"Anyway," Yusuke glanced over his shoulder. "We gotta go. Bye!" The three of
them ran down the steps and disappeared into the afternoon.
Kurama sighed. Now that they were gone, he slipped off his bloodied jacket. It
was too hot to wear long sleeves. His thumb rubbed at the largest scar on his
side.
I still don't know what to do about Shiori.
Outside he could hear cicadas. The cicadas here in the mountains were different
than the ones in the city below.
He glanced at the hearth, and its oddly persistent fire.
Did Hiei-
The flames flickered.
Ah.
"You might as well come in," he called. He leaned back against the pillows
Botan had brought yesterday.
Hiei stepped in out of the sun.
Kurama closed his eyes. Even with Hiei across the room, he could smell him:
that fire and cold and electric smell that drew him in. His attention centered
entirely on Hiei's youki, and he felt him enter the room and take up his usual
place against the far wall, halfway between the door and the hearth.
"What did they want?" Hiei asked.
Kurama smiled. "To offer their support." He glanced at Hiei, unable to contain
his smile. "We are apparently the two most stubborn people they know."
Hiei snorted. But he didn't look away.
Progress.
"I heard you."
"Oh?"
"Breaking stones. Training?" Kurama looked Hiei over; he was covered in dust
and dirt. "Or…?"
Hiei looked down. There was a flash of color on his cheeks.
Oh, Hiei.
Kurama looked at his hands, clutching the sheet over his legs. He opened his
mouth, then shook his head.
"After Urashima," Hiei said. "That night."
The memory had been on Kurama's mind as well, earlier that day. His hands
clenched the sheets, remembering the unexpected softness of Hiei's hair through
his fingers, the complete pleasure that rocked through him at Hiei's
submission. He nodded. He heard Hiei shift his weight.
Hiei's voice was barely more than a whisper. "Did you know?"
"Did I know what?"
"How you… felt. About…"
Kurama said nothing. He rubbed the sheet between his fingers.
"Kurama."
"I don't know," Kurama said softly.
"So I was just a toy to you?"
Kurama looked up, and knew Hiei had seen his surprise.
"Did you know?" Hiei's eyes hardened. "Or would you have done the same to one
of them?"
Kurama frowned. "What-"
"Would you have done the same to Yusuke? Kuwabara?" His glare darkened. "To
Karasu? Or are none of them stupid enough to fall-"
Kurama felt his irritation flare.
"You're not stupid! And no!"
Hiei's eyes flickered as he raised his chin in defiance.
Kurama shook his head. "Hiei, you-"
"Be honest for once, fox." He turned to the door. "Or don't. I'm done trying
to-"
"I didn't know… precisely what I felt," Kurama said softly. "I… I knew you had
been afraid, for me. Of me."
Hiei stopped, but did not look at him.
"During the Tournament, I was… reckless."
"Nothing new."
Kurama nodded. "After Toya and," he swallowed, "Bakken… I had promised myself I
wouldn't be reckless. That I would take more time, be more aware of my
opponents. Plan for all possibilities. I knew I wouldn't be able to compete
with them in raw strength, not then, not without…" Kurama frowned to himself.
"I couldn't have known what Urashima was going to do. The box… was a variable I
couldn't have anticipated."
"You let Urashima convince you he was a victim," Hiei snarled. He leaned
against the wall on one shoulder and glared at Kurama. "He was weak. You could
have killed him in an instant, if you had actually taken him seriously."
Kurama winced.
Hiei snarled, turning his face to the wall.
"Afterwards, even though the influence of Urashima's box had faded, my youki
was still with me."
Hiei glared at him. "We both know how well I know that," he snarled.
"It was… too much for me, in this body," Kurama murmured, touching his chest.
"I needed to… bleed it out."
"So it was that I was stupid enough to fall for your tricks."
"No, Hiei." Kurama said softly. "You aren't stupid. You were the only one I
trusted."
Hiei's glare deepened; his eyes glimmered with rage. "Is that so?"
"Yes."
"Why not bleed it out as everyone else does?" Hiei continued, his voice gentle
and melodic. "Train. Fight. Kill. Not…" His words faltered and he growled.
Kurama looked away. "Not pour it through someone else."
"Not drown me!" Hiei hissed. "Or am I so worthless that killing me wouldn't
have made a difference to you?"
Kurama stared at him. "You're not-"
Hiei was shaking.
"I-I'm sorry, Hiei. I should have… I should have asked you first."
Hiei snorted. "Ah, that would have made it so much better."
"You could have said no."
"You had me in your thrall, Kurama," Hiei snarled. "I was powerless against
you. You knew that from the moment Youko saw me from within the arena." He
shook his head. "Before that even. How long have you know what I would…" He
shook his head, unwilling to finish the sentence.
The memory of seeing Hiei's desire for him on full, flagrant display for the
world to see sent a flush of color to Kurama's cheeks. "I knew you couldn't
resist me," he whispered.
"So you did it because you could."
"Because I wanted to."
Hiei bared his teeth. "Honesty truly doesn't suit you, fox."
"What do you want from me, Hiei?" Kurama's rage made the seeds on his scalp
sing and flicker into life.
Hiei's eyes widened; his body shifted into a defensive form.
Kurama watched him; something in his stomach tightened with bright anticipaton.
"Do you want the truth?"
"You-"
"The truth is, Hiei, when I saw you watching me, watching me as Youko, I knew
you wanted me. And I wanted you."
Hiei snarled. "Your power-"
"Enthralled you. Yes. But you came of your own volition-"
"Don't you dare-"
Kurama's voice hardened. His eyes flashed. "You got on your knees for me once,
Hiei. I didn't ask that of you."
Hiei's eyes widened; his face flared bright red.
"And you opened yourself to me." Kurama raised his chin, and Hiei's mouth
slipped open, wordlessly. "You gave yourself to me, no, you chose to give
yourself to me, because you knew I was more powerful. I have known for some
time that you want nothing more than to be taken whole. You wanted to be taken,
as much as I wanted to take you. I seem to recall how much pleasure you got
from being taken."
He's shaking.
Kurama could feel his youki rising. He had been practicing, after all, since
the Tournament, since being forced into Youko's form that first time; Suzuki's
gift had just been an added boon. The shape of Youko was there, just beneath
Shuichi's skin, waiting, closer to the surface than ever before, even if the
whole of Youko still eluded him. "That I devoured you was natural, for both of
us."
"I'd rather die," Hiei rasped.
Kurama smiled at him through half-lidded eyes. "That's not what you said last
time."
"You won't catch me unawares again."
"You weren't unaware last time."
Hiei bared his teeth.
I shouldn't.
He's being stubborn.
But he won't listen to reason.
He knows full well what happened that night. He knows what role he played.
I wonder.
Would he accept me again?
He watched Hiei, his chest heaving, hands in fists. There was a challenge
there, in the flash of his eyes, in the set of his teeth.
He could taste Hiei's fear. It made his blood sing.
You want this as much as I do.
So Kurama loosed his youki.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Notes
     Why must we always hurt the ones we love?
     --
     Do let me know your thoughts. This is the first long-form fic I've
     put up, so I'm curious to know how you think it's going.
Kurama swung his legs off the bed and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. He
steepled his hands together, and rested his chin upon his hands. His own youki
shifted around him, a gossamer cloak. The power, his own power, sent tendrils
of ecstasy through his body, and he sighed with delight. Languidly, Kurama
touched the seedlings beneath his hair. They trembled, half-sprouting from the
radiance of his youki, but he hushed them with a smiled thought.
Hiei, on his knees, was fighting back tears.
'You do look lovely like this.'
Oh, but he does.
Hiei was trembling, his hands in loose fists by his sides, his teeth clenched
so tight the muscles of his jaw flared beneath his skin. His red eyes were
slits, hateful, but afraid.
Soft black flames danced over the whole of him; electricity crackled in his
hands.
Oh, Hiei, can't you see?
Kurama leaned back on his little cot, watching Hiei struggle.
"You are already mine. You gave yourself to me. Your youki wants to join with
mine, as it did before," Kurama said. His voice was changing, he knew, slipping
between two sets of vocal chords. He imagined the rest of him was in such a
halfway state as well. His body felt loose, drunk, as it always did in these
moments. Shuichi's body was always wound so tight. "You do know you are already
mine, don't you?"
Hiei's eyes, filled with hate and terror, narrowed. He bared his teeth.
Beautiful.
"Maybe you've forgotten," Kurama clucked his tongue. He tugged at the bandage
around his chest and it fell aside. Lazily, he scratched at his stomach. "Now,
I want you to come to me again, of your own free will again." He lifted his
chin, and Hiei cringed. "You'll do that, won't you, Hiei?" Kurama purred.
Hiei slammed his eyes shut. He turned his face away. Kurama heard Hiei's wild
breathing and the frantic rushing of his blood, and tendrils of pleasure
wrapped themselves throughout Kurama's core.
He remembered that night so clearly.
"Come to me, Hiei," Kurama whispered. "On your knees."
Hiei fought him, with every fiber of himself, youki and muscle, body and soul.
His skin gleamed with sweat, and blood leaked from the corners of his mouth.
His eyes fluttered behind his tight eyelids. There was a cry, deep in his
chest, locked behind his clenched teeth. Every muscle tensed, resisting against
the call of Kurama's youki. The black flames danced forward, drawn towards
Kurama, bleeding off Hiei's power.
You really do look lovely, fighting me like this.
You make me want you more.
"Hiei," Kurama said, adding more power to his voice.
"Stop," Hiei hissed.
"I have never been denied a single thing I've wanted, Hiei. I have always
gotten what I wanted. And I want you." Kurama's voice lowered to a soft growl.
"I want you."
"I am… not… a thing… to be… owned," Hiei hissed. He growled; blood coursed down
his chin.
"Oh?"
Hiei looked up at him.
"Are you not? Are you not mine?"
His face twisted with despair. "Ku-Kurama…"
"You are mine. You've given yourself to me. Now come."
Hiei's head fell forward. His shoulders shook. "No…"
"No? So you've decided?"
Hiei's eyes opened, bloodshot and wet with slick red. "Kurama…"
"You desire this, Hiei. There's no harm in it. No shame." Kurama leaned forward
again. "Give yourself to me. All of yourself. As you did before. Don't you
remember how I made you feel? Don't you want to feel that again?"
Hiei shook his head, eyes wild with terror. A cry ripped from his throat.
A single black tear fell from the Jagan.
Impressive.
It was just a short while ago, and yet he's so much stronger now.
But then again, so am I.
"No." Hiei's whole body was trembling now.
"Hiei…"
"Please, Kurama…" Hiei whispered. He coughed blood.
Kurama's eyes narrowed.
He shouldn't be…
He focused, through the thunder of his own heartbeat, and listened. Some of
Hiei's youki still surged towards Kurama, half-loosened, but-
He's burning his own youki off to keep it from heeding my call!
He's-
Why?!
Hiei!
Twin lines of blood snaked from Hiei's eyes. Above, the Jagan shuddered in its
socket.
Kurama hands tightened into fists.
He's killing himself just to resist me!
"Hiei," he warned.
"…stop," Hiei gasped, his voice wet and thick.
"Hiei, give in to me!"
"N-no."
"You will die if you don't!"
"Then… k-kill me."
Kurama yanked his power back into his body with a cry.
Hiei fell forward onto his shaking hands. He coughed blood onto the stone. His
chest heaved. Blood dripped from his open mouth.
Kurama watched him through narrowed eyes.
Hiei, you idiot!
Hiei fell down onto his elbows, his head on the floor. Residual fires flickered
over his body, winking out as Hiei fought to gain control of himself.
Or… maybe… that was too much. Too soon. Maybe I-
And Hiei screamed.
Kurama flinched.
Hiei banged his fist against the floor once, twice, leaving a crevice that
widened with every strike. He was screaming still, until his screams subsided
into whole body sobs and the click of falling pebbles.
I pushed him too far. Too far, too soon.
Oh, Hiei. Forgive me.
Kurama waited until Hiei's sobs turned to dry heaving, to little hiccups, and
then finally, quieted.
"Hiei-"
Hiei was across the room then, smashing Kurama backwards. One hand pushed tight
against Kurama's throat, pinning him to the wall, the other drew back in a
burning fist.
"I am not a thing to be owned," Hiei hissed, eyes wild, bleeding tears.
"No, you aren't," Kurama rasped.
Hiei's breathing was hard and fast. His unfocused eyes were full of pain, of
rage, but most of all, panicked confusion.
He… he can't see?
"Hiei, I'm sorry-"
"Don't!" Hiei shouted. The black fires around his fist flared and died.
Kurama nodded. He watched Hiei's face, his over-wide eyes lined with red.
"I hate you," Hiei hissed. Red tears streamed down his face. "I hate you, I
hate you, I hate you…" His voice fell to a whisper. He coughed, splattering
blood on Kurama's cheek.
Hiei!
"I know… you are… stronger than I," Hiei gasped. The hand around Kurama's
throat was trembling.
"Hiei-"
Hiei punched him twice in the stomach, before Kurama even knew he had moved.
Kurama gasped for breath, but Hiei pressed both shaking hands against his
throat. Vines, unbidden, darted from beneath Kurama's hair and wrapped around
Hiei's wrists.
"Shut up!" Hiei shouted. His hands tightened, bursting into flame, turning
Kurama's vines to ash, the heat billowing beneath Kurama's hair. Kurama's hands
rose and clawed at Hiei's fingers, but could find no purchase.
Hiei!
Hiei's youki still burned. Whatever process he had begun, within himself, to
destroy his own youki rather than relinquish it to Kurama, could not be
stopped.
As Kurama watched, more and more of Hiei's youki turned to ash.
Kurama's blood surged in awe and horror.
"I know you are stronger than I am," Hiei hissed, eyes bright with bloody
tears, panicked, searching wildly, seeing nothing. "I know it. And I…" He
gasped. "I want you. I saw you, I saw… I knew your power… and I wanted you. As
I…" his voice faltered, "want you now."
Kurama's eyes widened. The color on the edges of his vision began to fade.
"You are stronger than I will ever be," Hiei whispered. "You are… what you are,
as I am what I am. I'll never…" He swallowed and clenched his eyes tight. "I
can't… I can't deny you." Little round stones spilled down his cheeks. "I hate
you," he whispered. "I don't want this." His shaking hands drew back, just a
little, from Kurama's throat.
Kurama sucked in air, and silently reached for Hiei.
"I can't do this," Hiei whispered. His eyes were still wild, and more blood
fell like tears, leaving bright red lines in the dust on his cheeks. His body
shuddered. "I don't understand you."
His youki is-
Kurama's hand ghosted over Hiei's cheek and, shockingly, Hiei leaned into his
hand and looked away, still crying blood. His cheek seared Kurama's palm.
Why did I push you?!
What have I done?!
"I'm sorry, Hiei, I shouldn't have-"
"I can't deny you." Hiei leaned back, breaking the touch, and Kurama realized
that Hiei was straddling his lap. Hiei's weight and heat made Kurama's blood
thrum with want, but more than that, Kurama could feel how intense Hiei's
trembling had become. Hesitantly, he put his hands on Hiei's hips, holding him
steady.
Hiei cried out at the touch, curling in on himself.
Gods, what have I done?
He's-
The swirling black fire of Hiei's youki was almost gone.
"Hiei, please-"
"I can't deny you." Hiei's hands fell. He turned his face up to the ceiling,
baring his throat to Kurama, utterly defeated. His hands rested limply on
Kurama's thighs.
"Hiei," Kurama breathed. "Hiei, please, tell me what to do. Tell me how to help
you. Please, Hiei!"
The heat from Hiei's hands on Kurama's stomach, his thighs over Kurama's, his
hips under Kurama's hands, flared and vanished. Hiei shivered.
"Hiei!"
"Do with me as you will," Hiei murmured. "I am done."
Kurama stared, wide-eyed, without a shred of understanding. He felt the last of
Hiei's fire flicker, disappear. He leaned forward, catching Hiei as he tipped
backwards.
"Hiei!"
Hiei's eyes, unfocused and still leaking thin, bloody tears, stared up at the
ceiling. The Jagan spasmed open all the wider.
"Hiei!" Kurama hissed. "Hiei!"
Hiei's lips twitched. "You've got what you wanted, fox," he whispered. His
youki was in flux; the final heart of the fire that was Hiei's life
strengthened and weakened without reason as the Jagan shuddered. "I am…" And he
went limp in Kurama's arms.
 
——
 
Genkai's frowning eyes followed Kurama as he paced just outside the door of the
infirmary.
"I don't… I don't know… But I…"
Leaning in the doorway to the hall, Yusuke glanced at Genkai, then at Kurama.
There was a whiteness in the corners of Kurama's tight mouth, dark circles
under his eyes, and a strange wildness to his movements.
There were specks of blood on his face.
Yusuke looked back at Genkai.
Kurama was pacing again. "I can't-"
"I don't need to know what led up to it," Genkai said, again. "But I need to
know what happened to him."
Kurama jumped, startled, and stared at Genkai, wide-eyed. "He… Hiei… I…"" He
looked into the infirmary, at the small body wrapped in white linens. He looked
back at Genkai, and shook his head.
"He's not dead, Kurama. Not yet."
"No," Kurama replied immediately.
"But his youki is out of control."
"Y-yes," Kurama agreed.
Yusuke glanced at Genkai.
Ba-san's got to have some idea.
Behind him, he heard Botan come in with Kuwabara. He made a low gesture, 'keep
quiet,' and beckoned them over.
"And how did that happen?" Genkai said, slowly, as if talking to a child.
Kurama froze. His eyes were wide.
Genkai's voice was strained with trying to keep her patience. "Did you fight?"
"No! Not… I… We… No!" Kurama stuttered.
"Did you engage in another sort of activity?"
Kurama's face blanched. "N-n-no!"
Genkai's voice flattened. "Then it just happened. From nothing."
"…No."
Genkai sighed. She waved her hand and him and walked past Yusuke. "Talk to
him," she murmured as she passed. "See what you can find out."
Yusuke nodded.
Kurama's hair was in disarray, a set of wilted, singed vines straggling out
from behind his ears. His jacket from an hour ago was gone, as was the bandage
around his chest. On his back was a mess of scars, mostly on one side, tight
and fresh. His throat was bright with red marks.
What the fuck happened?
"Kurama," Yusuke called, straightening. He walked into the hallway proper.
Kurama started, then spun to stare at Yusuke. "U-Urameshi."
Urameshi?
O…kay…
"What happened? Last I saw, Hiei was going to talk to you. I thought the two of
you would, well, talk it out." He leaned in the doorway entering the infirmary.
Hiei lay, swathed in white, under a white blanket, on white sheets. The blanket
had been tucked up to his chest with his bare arms laying outside. Dried blood
streaked over his cheeks, leading to his eyes.
That doesn't look good.
Hiei's eyes were closed, and the peaceful look on his face left him looking
younger than Yusuke had ever seen it.
He does look really young.
Kuwabara is always saying he's a child…
Didn't Kurama say that youkai age differently than humans?
Maybe he's actually just a kid.
The Jagan was wide open though, the edges of its eyelids trembling and lined in
thick black.
Kurama had said nothing.
Hiei's black-tinged youki was raging, Yusuke realized, then subsiding until it
seemed to nearly wink out. It fluctuated again, half-strong, then weak,
flashing and vanishing in perpetual confusion.
"Hey, Kurama-"
Kurama was staring at Hiei, crying openly.
"H-hey, Kurama, it's-"
"I've killed him," Kurama whispered.
Yusuke blinked. "I'm sure he-"
"He wouldn't listen, to me, or to himself," Kurama continued. He was staring in
at Hiei, eyes still wide. His own youki felt strange to Yusuke, not the usual
vibrancy he associated with Kurama, but something as thick and gold as honey,
tinged with an unsettling violet shadow. "I… I thought I could… make him
listen."
Yusuke glanced over his shoulder. Genkai stood a short distance away, hands
behind her back. Behind her, Botan stood, hands hidden in the sleeves of her
kimono. Kuwabara just stared with a look of horror.
"Last time, he… he… it was what he wanted, and it brought us closer," Kurama
continued, unaware of his audience. He coughed, and fresh tears fell down his
face. "I thought… I thought this time would be the same."
"What… exactly did you do?" Yusuke said softly.
Kurama kept staring at Hiei.
"It's called devouring," Genkai said in a hard voice.
Behind him, Botan gasped, and clapped her hands over her mouth.
Yusuke glared back at her. "I don't know what that is."
"When one youkai is stronger than another, they can assert themselves as worthy
of loyalty from another by… giving them their own youki," Kurama whispered, his
voice fast and panicked. "The weaker youkai can accept to declare their loyalty
to the stronger. It doesn't… compel loyalty. It's just to show that that
loyalty already exists." Kurama's voice quieted. "But… if the weaker youkai
does not want to bind their loyalty to the stronger, then… then…" He trailed
off.
Yusuke thought of the kokuryuha. The dragon on Hiei's arm seemed darker than
before but it might have just been the unhealthy pallor of Hiei's normally
robustly healthy tan. "I don't understand. Hiei… tried to bind you? Or…"
Kurama laughed mirthlessly, and turned to Yusuke. His youki rose around them,
and Yusuke's nose filled with roses and honey and copper. Yusuke coughed, but
the strange cloud of youki continued to envelope him. He coughed again, looking
up at Kurama.
Tears still fell from Kurama's blank eyes. "No." He turned back to the prone
Hiei. "I tried to devour him. And he rejected me."
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Summary
     Look, this chapter is rough; trigger warnings for just about
     everything in the tags. Forewarned is forearmed.
Chapter Notes
     I am looking for a beta, primarily for the sequel to this; of course,
     such a beta would need to be given the rest of this fic first. Let me
     know your thoughts in the comments, or if you'd like to beta Part 2.
Genkai sat, arms crossed, saying nothing.
Kuwabara put his head down on the little table. "I don't understand."
Yusuke, on his back, arms crossed beneath his head, laughed. "Eh, you never
understand anything."
"Hey, what'd you say to me?!"
"Well, it's true!"
"It's a youkai pairing ritual," Botan chirped.
Kuwabara and Yusuke froze, each one about to punch the other. They stared at
Botan.
"P-pairing?!" Kuwabara shrieked.
Botan's face flushed. "It can, um, that is to say it usually…" Botan looked
away, her face becoming redder and redder. "It is."
"What's the point of it though?" Yusuke said, leaning forward.
Genkai sipped her tea.
"It… it's…"
"Youkai respond to power. More powerful youkai are more desirable," Genkai
said, teacup in hand. "Weaker youkai are always drawn to stronger youkai."
Yusuke nodded. It made obvious sense. Kurama had told Yusuke as much, back when
they'd first met.
"When a stronger youkai devours a weaker, they open their youki to the other,
allowing the weaker to drink in and bask in a more powerful youki." Genkai
sipped. "Apparently it is more satisfying if there is a significant distance in
the power of the two youkai involved."
Yusuke frowned. "But Ba-san, that doesn't sound like what Kurama was saying. He
made it sound like it was about trying to gain trust or something. Loyalty."
Genkai glared at him. "Do you think he wanted to tell you it was a way for him
to express his desire to fuck Hiei?"
Yusuke recoiled. "Ba-san!"
Genkai sipped her tea. "That's what is is, in essence. For youkai, there's no
separation between their youki and their bodies. Their bodies are a
manifestation of their youki, and vice versa." She glared pointedly at Yusuke.
"Something I've been trying to teach you for years."
"And when their youki in- in- intertwine…" Botan stuttered.
"So it's youkai sex?" Kuwabara murmured.
Genkai sipped her tea. "More like foreplay."
They sat in awkward silence.
Yusuke shook his head. "But Kurama said that Hiei rejected him."
"That is what he said, yes."
"So what's that? What are you saying, that Kurama tried to force himself on
Hiei?!"
Genkai slammed the teacup on the table. "No, you idiot! They'd done it before,
and Hiei accepted last time! Kurama probably had no idea Hiei would reject
him!"
"Wait, so Kurama and Hiei are…" Kuwabara muttered to himself.
"It must have been harder for him to refuse this time," Botan said softly.
Genkai picked up her teacup. "I'd imagine so, yes."
Botan looked up at her. "I didn't even know that was possible. To… refuse a
second devouring. The pathway is already there, after all."
Genkai snorted. "If anyone could, it would be Hiei. He's a practice in
contradictions."
"But Ba-san, I don't understand. If Kurama had devoured Hiei before, then why
reject him now?"
Genkai met his eyes, saying nothing.
"Ba-san?"
"I don't think that's a question any of us can answer, Yusuke," Botan said
softly. "If Hiei and Kurama are in a relationship, what goes on in that
relationship is really none of our business, don't you think?"
"It becomes my fucking business if my friend is almost dead, Botan!"
Botan looked away.
"Were they together the whole time?" Kuwabara muttered.
"It was during the Dark Tournament," Genkai said. She turned her teacup in her
hands.
Yusuke sat up straighter. "What? When?!"
"After Kurama fought Ura Urashima," Genkai said.
Botan nodded.
"Wait, you knew? You both knew?!"
Genkai snorted. "Everyone in a five mile radius knew."
Kuwabara murmured something to himself.
Yusuke felt his face grow hot. "Wait, this whole time-"
"The two of them are too proud to a fault," Genkai replied. She sipped. "But
all in all, it had seemed they were growing closer."
Botan nodded emphatically.
"Ba-san! Why didn't you say something?!"
Genkai glared at him. "Everyone knew. Except you, apparently." She threw the
empty teacup at Yusuke's head; he smacked it away and it shattered against a
wall. "I told you to be more aware of what's going on around you!"
"Ba-san!"
As Yusuke and Genkai shouted at each other, Botan sighed, leaning over the
table. Kuwabara, frowning, tapped her on the shoulder.
"What?"
"I don't think I understand."
"Understand what?"
"So are Kurama and Hiei actually fucking? Or is this some sort of youkai
metaphor?"
 
——
 
Everything burned.
His youki had been called, and Hiei had refused.
It had been against every instinct he'd developed over his short life to allow
Kurama to overwhelm him the first time, and the pleasure and agony had been
everything he had feared and wanted. But now…
He hated Kurama. He hated Kurama's lies. He hated that Kurama's lies had hurt
him.
He hated himself.
He was weak.
He was worthless.
And so he refused.
His youki strained towards Kurama, wanting to merge with his; it raged and
quieted and raged again. His Jagan fought against him, distancing itself from
the equilibrium he'd fought so hard and given up so much to achieve. Even the
black dragon, bound and quiet on his right arm, stirred, restless.
His youki fought against his will as he tried to hold it back, so he turned it
on itself.
Hiei burned, fire and want and shame. And Kurama's youki promised relief, in
torture and love.
He wished he had given in to Kurama. He wished he could have.
A part of him wanted to let go of his pride, to trust Kurama, to believe that
Kurama would not hurt him again. He wanted his fear of Kurama to be a thing of
balance and trust, not of strife. He remembered how he'd felt when he first saw
Youko Kurama, the ecstatic terror his presence had inflicted upon Hiei's very
self, how the purity of his power had wrought Hiei hard and aching with want.
But this fear was different. Poisoned.
Hiei poisoned everything.
He did not want to be ashamed of how deeply he feared Kurama, or how agonizing
it was to be apart from him, especially after that night at the Tournament. He
did not want to be ashamed of the questions Kurama asked him. He did not want
to doubt Kurama.
But most of all, he did not want Kurama to see him. Youko had seen Hiei, and
had drowned him for it. Kurama had seen Hiei, and it terrified him.
Kurama knew him better than he knew himself, after all.
Panic sat on the edge of Hiei's thoughts, always between him and his shameful,
deceitful fantasies of what could have been, what could be, if he were only
someone completely different. Even his memories were tinged with sour,
terrified despair of what he wished he could have had.
He was a failure, as always. He ruined everything he touched, since the moment
of his conception.
He could not trust Kurama because he could not trust himself.
And so when his youki raged, twisting and lashing at him because he kept it
from Kurama, Hiei turned his fury upon himself.
His youki fought him, so Hiei destroyed it.
Then Kurama had withdrawn his youki, and his love.
What little that remained of Hiei's youki, no longer tethered to Kurama's
immovable strength, flew into a chaos. He tried half-heartedly to settle it, to
gather what was left to him, to not fall to pieces, but it was too late.
His heart was unbalanced, and his youki wanted nothing to do with him.
It vanished, absorbed into Kurama's billowing white power, dragging what little
youki Hiei had left with it, until Hiei was empty.
He was dying.
"Do with me what you will," he heard himself say.
There was no point. He'd be dead soon anyway.
Kurama had killed him.
Through hazy, distorted vision, he saw Kurama's pity, clear as the swarming
white of his youki, undeniable in its allure.
How Hiei wanted him!
And how Hiei loathed himself all the more.
He welcomed death.
The sight of Kurama limply falling towards a rapid gray river had seared itself
into his memories. At that moment, Hiei had realized that the very essence of
his life had been removed from his person and put into the fragile fleshy body
of a youkai-human hybrid with a propensity for self-sacrifice.
He had been willing to die to save Kurama.
There were tears in Kurama's human eyes.
He hadn't realized it before. He hadn't wanted to realize it before. But now he
knew.
'If I am wrong, and you don't love me-'
How could something so powerful love something so worthless?
How could something so worthless dare to love something so powerful?
Kurama held him, and the white intensity of his youki could not help but press
against Hiei's skin, but he was nothing but a husk now. His youki had rejected
him, and Hiei knew he was dying as the remainder drifted away, swallowed up by
a superior power.
Kurama was devouring him, after all.
The strong devour the weak.
Just as it should be.
There was a stillness just beyond his vision.
Death?
Finally.
He smiled. This is what Kurama had wanted, wasn't it? To take him apart? To
rend him, self from self, memory from memory, thought from thought? To unmake
him?
He looked up at Kurama, at his beautiful shock and helpless rage, and saw him
as he was. Here was the youkai: gold-eyed and white-haired, cold, vicious,
beautiful in his delight at Hiei's undoing; and here the human: bright eyes,
soft, stronger than any human should have been, beautiful in his horror at what
he'd done to Hiei.
It seemed fitting that his last thoughts be of Kurama, he thought, as Kurama
had been the one to utterly destroy him.
"I am yours," he whispered, and let go.
 
——
 
"You know he is going to die."
Kurama flinched, but said nothing.
"Whatever was done-"
"I cannot undo it."
Genkai sighed. "If you don't do something, he will die." She paused. "It may
already be too late." She waited for some reaction, but Kurama just stood
there, staring down at Hiei.
"Kurama."
Kurama ignored her.
"He is going to die, damn you! Get out of your head and do something!"
"There is nothing I can do." Kurama shook his head. "He wants to die."
"And are you going to let him?"
"I don't have the right to stop him," Kurama whispered.
On the bed, Hiei's tanned skin had grown pale, paler than it should have been.
The still-open, black-rimmed Jagan had greyed and gone still; the dragon on his
arm had paled. His breath scarcely raised his chest. The bruises on his wrists
had darkened still.
Yusuke could feel nothing of Hiei's youki.
It was gone.
Yusuke shook his head.
I can't believe this.
He's actually dying.
Kurama actually killed him.
What the fuck is going on?!
"Kurama!" Genkai snapped.
"I'm sorry, Hiei," Kurama whispered. "I will be shortly behind you."
Genkai grabbed Kurama's shoulder, dragging him away from the bed. Kurama fell,
unwilling to leave.
"We don't have much time."
"There is no time," Kurama murmured. "It is already too late." He turned away
from her.
"Kurama!" Yusuke banged his fist on the doorjamb. "Listen!"
Kurama returned to his post, kneeling beside Hiei's bed, eyes filled with the
flickering darkness of Hiei's youki dying.
"What exactly did this to Hiei?" Genkai snapped.
Kurama looked down at his hands. One palm was oddly red, as if burned.
Yusuke's patience was running thin. "Kurama-"
"I… offered myself to him. My youki. And myself."
"The… devouring, right?" Yusuke waited, expecting more, but Kurama had fallen
silent. "And then?"
"And then… he refused me." Kurama sighed. "He didn't want to. I know it. But he
did, because-"
"Because this is Hiei we're talking about. Go on."
"His youki… Maybe… because his youki was divided, on giving in to me or
rejecting me…"
"Youki, like reiki, cannot act under a divided heart. You know this," Genkai
said. She glared down at Kurama. "Now you know what you must do."
"He's dying," Kurama whispered, "because… I pushed him. He wasn't ready, but I
pushed for an answer." Tears flooded Kurama's eyes. "He wasn't ready. And now
he…"
Genkai shook her head. "He doesn't have to die."
Kurama wrapped his arms around himself. "There's nothing-"
"Your youki hasn't fully absorbed all of you've taken from. Some is still
trapped in yours. You have to scrape together as much of his youki as you can.
And then you must devour him again."
Kurama stared up at her in horror. "No! Last time-"
"Your youki has pieces of black fire twisted up in it, Kurama." She gestured to
something Yusuke couldn't see. "That is Hiei. His youki knows you, and is
attracted to you. Like it or not, he and his youki rely on you." Genkai glared
down at Kurama, his arms wrapped around himself. "He needs your balance. You
must be a lodestone and anchor for him."
"I am neither of those things."
"You must be or he will die. If you give his youki back without devouring him,
his youki will remain untethered and will find its way to you again. You know
this to be true."
"I can't," Kurama whispered.
Yusuke looked at Genkai. Her lip had started to curl, with disgust. "You owe
him this much, Kurama, after all you have done to him. He wouldn't be in this
situation at all if you been honest with him from the beginning. Don't you
think you've harmed him enough?"
Yusuke flinched.
Wait, what?!
 
——
 
Botan glanced back, nodded to Yusuke with resolve, and speaking soft and slow,
led Kurama away.
Genkai glared as they went.
"So…"
"Hiei will most likely die," Genkai said. "And may take Kurama with him."
Yusuke flinched. "But Ba-san-"
"Had this been done earlier, there was more of a chance." She looked down at
Hiei. "It is probably too late."
"But then why-"
"Because there's also a chance it might not be." Her eyes flashed, and Yusuke
swallowed. "And we must always take what chances we have."
Yusuke nodded weakly.
"Well? Let's go!"
Gently, Yusuke drew back the blankets. Beneath them, Hiei was even smaller,
stripped down to only the loose pants he was never without, the bindings around
his ankles and shoes gone. As Yusuke slipped one arm under Hiei's neck, he
wondered who had undressed Hiei and cleaned the blood from his face.
Had it been Kurama? After Hiei was already…
He couldn't imagine it.
His hand steadied under Hiei's shoulder.
His skin is too cold.
Too cold for a person, and way too cold for Hiei.
Yusuke's other arm slipped beneath Hiei's knees, and, steadying himself, he
lifted him.
He weighs no more than a child!
He stared down at Hiei's face, at the deep darkness under his eyes, the
paleness of his lips. His Jagan lay open, oddly gray, but Yusuke could feel
nothing from it.
Is he even-
"What are you waiting for?" Genkai snapped.
"He's just a kid, isn't he?" Yusuke blurted.
"Hiei will need to have lived for at least a century before he reaches
maturity," Genkai said. She started towards the doorway. "He's nowhere near
that old."
Huh, Kuwabara was right.
He is just a kid.
He followed, taking care not to jostle the little youkai in his arms. Hiei's
skin was cold and damp. Yusuke frowned. "Ba-san, what did you mean when you
said Kurama owes him? And… the other stuff you said."
Genkai led the way, in silence.
"Ba-san?"
"It doesn't concern you."
"No, but… Hiei is my friend. And so is Kurama."
Genkai humphed.
"Before this, they were both saying different things about what was going on. I
just don't understand."
Genkai held open a door, letting Yusuke pass before her, watching him.
"Ba-san, I know you just said it's not-"
"Since Kurama first met Hiei, he has been taking advantage of Hiei's youth and
inexperience."
Yusuke's felt a pang if anxiety where his heart used to be. "What do you mean?"
Genkai held open another door.
"Hiei, like all youkai, is attracted to power. It's why he has stayed here,
seemingly against all logic and reason, his actions inexplicable even to
himself." She turned the corner on the walkway around the outer courtyard, and
Yusuke quickened his step to keep up. "He constantly reminds us he does not
want to be here in the human realms, or here in this city." She looked up as
Yusuke. "Hasn't it struck you as strange that he stays?"
"Yeah, actually. I… asked him about it the other day, and he didn't have an
answer."
"Maybe if Hiei were older, he'd be better able to reflect on the factors
influencing his decisions."
They turned another corner, and the width of the fighting arena opened before
them.
"Kurama has taken liberties with Hiei that he would not have been able to with
someone older. Someone older might have killed Kurama for even trying to do
what he has already done to Hiei."
A strange discomfort lodged itself in Yusuke's stomach. "I don't understand."
Genkai grumbled something under her breath. "Kurama has made Hiei dependent on
him emotionally, which culminated in Kurama being able to devour Hiei in the
first place. That first devouring made Hiei's youki, and thus his personhood as
well, completely dependent on Kurama." She glanced over her shoulder at Yusuke.
"That's what it is meant to do."
"But all that about loyalty…?"
Genkai snorted. "Pure romanticism. If Kurama is weakened, he can draw on Hiei's
youki as if it were his own. If Hiei is weak, Kurama can force his youki into
him." Her eyes narrowed. "But it's more than that. What Kurama wants, he can
make Hiei want. Hiei's youki and mind and body are no longer entirely his own."
Yusuke shuddered. "But Ba-san-"
"By denying Kurama this second time, Hiei has tried to reject this influence
Kurama has had on him. It shouldn't have been possible. But now…"
"But you just told Kurama to devour him again!"
"Yes, because if he doesn't, Hiei will die." She paused at the top of the steps
leading down into the outer ring of the arena. "Kurama can put youki into Hiei,
but without the authority of the devouring, it will return to Kurama."
"But Ba-san!"
Genkai shook her head. "There is no easy way out for him. But if Hiei lives
through this, he may be able to eventually free himself of Kurama's influence."
She snorted. "Though he tried once already. Who knows with these damn youkai."
"Ba-san, does Kurama…" Yusuke looked down at the soft expression on Hiei's
face. "Does Kurama know what he's doing? This doesn't sound like the Kurama I
know."
Genkai strode down the steps, eyes ahead. "Kurama knows he is taking advantage.
But remember that Kurama is much more than he appears. Remember the old fox-god
revealed in Kurama's bout with Urashima." Her voice lowered. "For someone like
that, an eager and willing victim is too enticing to give up. As to whether or
not Kurama is aware of the extent of his abuse, well. Only he can say for
certain."
Yusuke stopped. "Then we have to stop him!"
Genkai paused, and looked at him; the blankness of her expression made Yusuke
flinch.
"No, we don't. And no, we won't. Remember: despite appearances, Kurama and Hiei
aren't human."
"But-"
"Human morality has no place in the Youmakai, Yusuke. You'd do well to remember
that. Especially now."
"We're not in the Makai!"
Genkai snorted.
"Ba-san!"
"I am only telling you this so you can protect yourself," Genkai hissed as they
trotted down the steps onto the sands of the arena. "Once Kurama is done with
Hiei, he will turn his attentions to someone else. He likes his victims to be
strong enough to be a worthy meal, but young and weak enough to not be able to
completely fight back." Her eyes flickered as she glared at Yusuke. "Don't make
the same mistakes Hiei has made."
 
——
 
'You must be a lodestone and anchor for him.'
Kurama knelt in the sand. Botan squeezed his shoulder and flitted away.
Hiei.
He remembered the Territory: Hiei looking to him, eyes full of sorrow and
regret, as the sword came down, and Hiei was gone. He closed his eyes.
Altered perception, or a premonition?
I called it a gift.
I can change it.
I won't let you go, Hiei!
"Get to it," Genkai snapped.
He looked up. Before him, Yusuke had crouched. He gently let Hiei's legs sink
down first, then, cradling his neck in both hands, slowly let down his head.
Hiei's mouth was slightly open, his lips nearly white. As Yusuke pulled away,
Hiei's head lolled to the side, facing away from Kurama.
'Do with me what you will.'
Tears sprang anew, and Kurama's hands tightened into fists. "Hiei," he
whispered.
A wind caressed Hiei's hair. If he breathed, his chest did not move.
"Do you need guidance?" Genkai said.
Kurama shook his head; his tears fell, leaving icy streaks in their wake. "I
have done it to him twice already," he said.
Genkai grunted something, and she and Yusuke moved away.
Kurama could feel the barest edge of Hiei's youki flutter: the deepest part of
his youki, the part that Hiei had proudly announced he had never had to
'resort' to burning to win a battle, was nothing more than a flickering heart
of neon flame, a whisper away from snuffing out.
Hiei.
Kurama's youki shifted, and he heard the four behind him begin to mutter to
each other. He heard Genkai bark instructions, and felt Yusuke construct a
barrier.
Turning his attention forward, Kurama reached out and caressed Hiei's cold
cheek. He turned Hiei's face towards him, and smoothed his hair back off his
forehead, away from the dead and opened Jagan. "Hiei," he whispered. He leaned
forward, and brushed his lips against Hiei's, shuddering at the coldness of his
skin. Leaning back just enough so he could see the whole of Hiei's face, Kurama
smiled.
He wound his fingers through the fine silk of Hiei's hair, marveling in its
softness.
Hiei would hate to let any part of his person be called 'soft.'
"I told you that you are mine," Kurama whispered. "And you know it to be true."
Tears welled in his eyes, but with his youki filling him, pressing against the
weakness of his reiki, it was easy enough to push the tears back. A fox had no
use for tears, after all. Tears were for times of weakness, and Kurama had no
use for his own weakness, not now.
His youki swelled.
"You are mine," Kurama growled, fisting Hiei's hair, yanking his head back,
baring his throat. He could see the weak syncopation of Hiei's pulse beneath
his skin.
"Mine."
Kurama released all holds on his youki. Behind him, he heard shouts, but he
didn't care. He twisted Hiei's hair around his fingers and pulled tight. The
white mist of his youki danced before him, and Kurama raised his other hand.
Nestled in the edges of his youki were flecks of simmering black fire.
"And I will not let you escape me so easily," Kurama muttered. His hand relaxed
in Hiei's hair, slipping beneath Hiei's neck. He dragged him closer, until
Hiei's head rested between Kurama's knees.
"Do you see this, Hiei, my Hiei?" Kurama whispered. He plucked the strands of
black from the mass of his youki, and strung it between his fingers. "How
careless you've been." One hand lifted the back of Hiei's neck, and Hiei's
mouth opened just a little more. The other hand dropped the spark onto Hiei's
tongue.
"I won't have you be so careless with my things, Hiei," Kurama growled.
The process went quickly enough. One hand drew down the pieces of Hiei that he
had discarded in his attempt to resist Kurama. Those shreds had lodged
themselves like so many burrs in the folds of Kurama's power.
Kurama's other hand caressed Hiei's face, his throat, the jut of his
collarbones, the swell of his shoulders, the planes of his lithe chest. Kurama
plucked each dark flame from the cloud of his youki and dropped them, one by
one, into Hiei's mouth, where they flashed, congealing together as they should.
Kurama stretched the whole of his youki out above him, checking for any pieces
of Hiei that he had missed. There were a few wisps here and there, but such a
small loss would only leave Hiei a little weakened, and could easily serve as
punishment for Hiei's willfulness.
"Honestly, if you were conscious, this would be much more difficult. I should
remember that for the future."
The Jagan's eyelid slipped closed.
"Nearly there, Hiei. Come to me."
A wind blew circles of sandy dust around them.
Beneath him, Hiei groaned.
Kurama's hands softly encircled Hiei's neck; his thumbs pressed into the hollow
at the base of Hiei's throat. Hiei tensed, too weak to fight. His eyes
fluttered open, confused, furious.
"Hello, Hiei," Kurama said, softly. He dragged Hiei closer as Hiei hissed in
pain.
"Get… off…" Hiei growled, his voice a dry rasp.
"No," Kurama said. He drew his youki down. It settled like a cloak on his
shoulders before sinking back beneath his flesh. Vines laced down Kurama's
arms, and twined down the length of Hiei's neck, circling around just tight
enough to keep him docile.
Hiei's hands weakly scrabbled at the vines.
"You are mine," Kurama whispered into Hiei's ear.
Hiei froze.
"Say it."
Hiei shook his head, glaring up into Kurama's eyes. His red eyes flashed. Fires
broke out over his body-
Kurama let his youki bleed through his skin. White clouds swept up the black
flames.
Hiei's eyes narrowed, his mouth opening wide in pain, his back beginning to
arch. With his head and back in Kurama's lap, held down by vines, it was all
Hiei could do.
Kurama's fingers drew meaningless patterns on Hiei's chest, and Hiei's face
turned a lovely shade of pink.
A delicious heavy want settled deep in Kurama's core.
I want you, Hiei.
You've given yourself to me already.
Oh, but I want more of you.
I want all of you.
"Say it," Kurama cooed. "Say that you are mine."
Hiei shook his head. He bared his teeth.
Kurama's vines tightened, and he loosened just a little more of his youki. It
teased at Hiei's skin, dipping beneath and swallowing up more black fire, and
Kurama felt Hiei's blood begin to race. He could nearly taste Hiei's pain.
The Jagan trembled beneath its eyelid. Hiei's hands let go of the vines as he
clutched at empty air.
"You are mine, Hiei," Kurama whispered. He caressed Hiei's face, and combed his
fingers back through Hiei's hair, drawing it off his forehead. "And you know
it."
Hiei's body had begun to tremble.
"Say it. Say that you are mine, Hiei."
Hiei clenched his teeth.
"And yet still you resist." Kurama's vines slithered down Hiei's chest, and
made quick work of his belt.
Hiei's eyes widened with panic. "K-Kurama-"
"I have had enough of your defiance," Kurama purred. His vines dragged Hiei up
by his throat until his head rested on Kurama's shoulder. Hiei's hands clawed
at the vines, but Kurama only chuckled. More vines came, and dragged Hiei's
arms up and behind Kurama's neck. As Hiei resisted, the vines pulled down, and
Hiei hissed in pain.
Before Kurama could move, he heard Hiei's snarl; a wall of furious black fire
smashed against the side of Kurama's head, shoving his face to the side before
the flames were swept up into Kurama's youki.
Kurama blinked, then turned and gave Hiei a soft smile.
Hiei stared at him in wide-eyed, slack-jawed horror.
"You cannot hurt me, Hiei. Don't you know that?" Kurama murmured, low and
sweet. One hand tightened in Hiei's hair, and Hiei winced. Kurama forced Hiei's
head to turn; Hiei's breath warmed the side of Kurama's neck.
"Your youki is mine, Hiei. You can't hurt me with it." He chuckled. "When will
you stop with this senseless fighting?" Kurama's hands slipped down to Hiei's
hips.
Hiei was in full panic now. His blood rushed faster than Kurama had ever heard
it, and small mewling sounds escaped from behind his clenched teeth. His hips
rolled, trying to find some way to stay out of Kurama's reach.
"I could give you so much," Kurama whispered in Hiei's ear, "if you would only
let me." His vines pushed down the waist of Hiei's open trousers. Hiei was
already fully hard, of course, and leaking. Hiei's eyes screwed shut as Kurama
chuckled.
"But you must give in to me first." And he took Hiei's cock in his hands.
Hiei was sobbing now, his head thrown back against Kurama's shoulder. "S-s-
stop…"
"Hush, Hiei, my Hiei," Kurama whispered.
Perfect little stones rolled down Kurama's back.
"Stop!"
"Look how beautiful you are right now, Hiei," Kurama purred. His free hand
slipped down and stroked Hiei's ribs and trembling stomach. "So afraid, and yet
so needy." His hand began to languidly slip up and down Hiei's length, ghosting
over the skin.
"No!"
"Had you only given in when you should have, none of this unpleasantness would
have happened," Kurama continued. His fingers caressed the head, coating
themselves in precum. He raised his fingers to his mouth and licked.
You are mine to devour, Hiei.
A heavy, dark pleasure spread in Kurama's stomach. His own cock, restricted by
layers of human clothing, pressed hard against Hiei's back.
This is only the beginning.
Hiei, open mouthed, panting against Kurama's neck, moaned as Kurama took him in
hand again. He shook his head frantically. "Stop! Stop, Kurama!"
"Are you ready to admit that this is what you want?"
Hiei shook his head. "No! I don't want this!" He groaned through clenched
teeth. "Stop!"
Kurama clucked his tongue. "No more lies, Hiei."
"Kura-"
A vine darted across Hiei's mouth, between his teeth, silencing his words. He
screamed something unintelligible, eyes flashing with rage.
"I know you're frightened," Kurama whispered. His hand tightened, just a
little, as he continued with his slow pace. He spread his youki over them.
Kurama could taste the want and fear pouring off Hiei.
You know you cannot deny me, Hiei.
Hiei groaned. His eyes fluttered shut.
"It terrifies you, doesn't it, to be so beholden to me?" Kurama's thumb flicked
across the top of Hiei's cock with every rise, and Hiei's muffled sobs grew
louder. "Doesn't it, Hiei?"
Hiei nodded, face flushed with fire, hirui stones falling from his tightly shut
eyes.
What I want, you want, Hiei.
What I feel, you feel.
Kurama shifted in his seat; his clothed cock dug into Hiei's back. Kurama
groaned, and Hiei shook his head fiercely, moaning despite himself.
"I swear to you," Kurama said, softer now, as his hand tightened. Hiei's hips
were shuddering upwards with every downwards thrust of Kurama's hand, guided
towards ecstasy by Kurama's own want. "I will never hurt you."
Hiei moaned.
So close, Hiei.
"You are mine, Hiei," Kurama growled. His youki spread out over them, and Hiei
screamed again. His eyes flew open and locked on Kurama's, and the openness of
the terrified longing he saw made Kurama's blood churn and drove him near to
madness.
You truly do look lovely like this.
The vine withdrew from over Hiei's mouth; Hiei's lips were red and sore and
wide and gasping.
"Are you ready for me, Hiei?"
Hiei's voice caught as he moaned. "P-p-please, K-Ku…" He whined; Kurama's hand
tightened, his movements faster still.
"Hiei, you are mine. Mine, and mine alone."
Hiei shook. Kurama could taste his need, how close he was.
"Hiei…"
"Please, Kurama," he whispered. "Don't."
"You are mine, Hiei," Kurama growled, forcing more of his will through to Hiei.
Hiei's brow trembled.
Mine.
Say it!
"I am yours," Hiei turned his face away. "I am yours."
Kurama smiled. He leaned down, and kissed the closed Jagan. "Are you ready,
Hiei?"
Hiei stared up at him, eyes wide and terrified but worshipful, and nodded.
Kurama's vines retracted.
"You are mine, Hiei. Don't forget."
With that, Kurama thrust all his youki into Hiei, flashing away the darkness of
Hiei's own being in a surge of white honey, and Hiei screamed, his hands
clutching at Kurama's hair, his back arching.
As Hiei spilled over Kurama's hand and his own stomach, Kurama himself
shuddered with ecstasy once, twice, and stilled.
***** Chapter 7 *****
Chapter Summary
     Friends support each other, and Yusuke does his best.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"Just drop it, Kuwabara." Yusuke shoved his books in his bag.
Kuwabara put his foot up on Yusuke's chair and leaned closer, his voice low.
"Look, I know Genkai was saying that Kurama's youki was, uh, dangerous or
whatever, but…"
Yusuke glared at him. "Kuwabara…"
"But before we left-"
"Seriously, drop it!"
Kuwabara's eyes flashed. "Are we not going to talk about this?"
Yusuke glared at him. "What is it you want to talk about, Kuwabara?!"
"About what Kurama is doing to Hiei."
Yusuke stared at him for a moment. Then he picked up his bag and turned on his
heel.
"Oi, Urameshi!"
Kuwabara caught up with him on the sidewalk. "We have to do something."
"They're in a relationship, Kuwabara," Yusuke spat. He stomach tightened with
disgust.
"That didn't look like a relationship to me," Kuwabara snapped.
"Oh yeah? Then what would you call that?" Yusuke shoved his free hand in his
pocket. "What we all very clearly saw before Genkai said it was safe to go?"
"I can think of a few words. Relationship's not one of them."
Yusuke paused; a trio of girls from a younger class passed them, giggling.
Kuwabara watched them go, eyes narrowed. "Listen, during the Tournament, I
overheard some stuff." 
"Like what?"
"Like what the hell that thing was that Kurama became."
Yusuke looked up.
Genkai said to leave it.
He had seen Hiei struggle against Kurama. The air had been electric with youki,
but also fear, and Hiei's screams.
If I never hear Hiei scream again, it'll be too soon.
"Fine. Let's go somewhere private."
 
——
 
Shizuru put the tray of tea down on the table.
"Four cups?"
"Botan is here."
"Huh?"
"I, uh, talked to her earlier today."
"What the hell, Kuwabara?! Oh, hey, Shizuru, if Keiko comes-"
Shizuru nodded. "I'll leave with her if that's the case. This concerns me less
than it does you, and like I told Kazuma, I'm not sure how much of this I even
want to hear."
Botan's feet padded up the stairs. "I'm here," she said, breathless. Her fake
schoolgirl uniform swung around her knees.
"So spill it," Yusuke said, reaching for a cup.
"Look, we all saw what Kurama became those couple times, during the
Tournament."
Botan nodded. "That was Youko Kurama."
"I was over against the wall during the second time he appeared, with Karasu,"
Kuwabara continued. "Some of the youkai were talking. About the last time Youko
Kurama had been seen in the Youmakai."
"When was that?"
"Sixteen years ago, give or take."
Yusuke nodded. "That's what Kurama said, right? That he had been injured, and
then… became Shuichi. Somehow."
"Yeah, but that's not the point. The point is that they were all relieved to
know that Youko Kurama was dead. Because when he was alive, they said, no one
was safe."
Botan nodded. "Youko Kurama was an infamous thief and murderer." She raised one
finger. "He had other epithets as well. 'The Despoiler.' 'The Liar.' 'The
Conquerer.' 'The Devourer-'"
"Okay, that's enough of that." Yusuke's eyes narrowed. "But that's not our
Kurama, right?"
Botan raised one finger. "Koenma-sama said that because Youko Kurama had been
reborn in human form, the nature of his soul had changed. And as long as
Kurama, the Kurama we know, kept on the straight and narrow, that there'd be no
point in persecuting him for his previous incarnation's crimes in the Makai,
and that Koenma would mark that Youko Kurama was dead."
Yusuke and Kuwabara blinked. "But why would Koenma do that?" Yusuke shook his
head. "He didn't even offer a pardon to Hiei until like a month ago."
Botan shrugged. "Koenma-sama must have his reasons."
"Maybe Koenma was more concerned with having Kurama on his side, having known
what that Youko could do," Shizuru said. She lit a cigarette. "The Kurama we
know doesn't strike me as much of a 'conquerer.' Maybe Koenma thought Kurama
had changed, but had no reason to expect that of Hiei."
"That's screwed up," Kuwabara muttered.
"What else did you hear, Kuwa-chan?"
"Other stuff, about this special thing that Youko Kurama stole, or that guy
that Youko Kurama murdered, or that village that Youko Kurama destroyed. Lots
of stuff like that. But…" Kuwabara folded his arms and put them on the table,
laying his head down on his arms. "Then they were talking about Hiei."
"What were they-"
"Shizuru-saaaan!"
"Keiko-chan!" Shizuru called, leaping to her feet. "I was just about to do some
shopping, can you come with me?" She slipped out the door and ran down the
steps.
They waited, listening to the sounds of Shizuru grabbing her purse and stepping
into her shoes, and then the front door slamming shut. The two girls' happy
chatter wafted up into the room through the open window, then disappeared.
"So what'd they say about Hiei?"
"That…" Kuwabara sighed. "That he's a fire youkai who killed his mother the
second he was born. That he killed his way up through the deepest levels of the
Makai. That he sold his soul to steal the Jagan, to make him a better thief and
murderer. That he kills for pleasure. The usual crap that we could have
guessed, that Hiei himself would probably be happy to hear."
Yusuke frowned. "I don't-"
"But then some of them were talking about…" Kuwabara shook his head. "About
Kurama and Hiei together."
Botan nodded, face already flushing.
Yusuke raised an eyebrow. "So this is about that devouring thing."
"I guess so, yeah."
Yusuke nodded. "So what did you hear?"
Kuwabara straightened. He looked down at his cup. "That it wasn't surprising
that Youko Kurama had chosen Hiei. That it was… natural for a youkai as strong
as Youko Kurama to go after a youkai like Hiei. That even though Hiei is
strong, he's young and stupid. That if Hiei was smart, he'd use that darkness-
whatever-dragon-whatever-"
"Ensatsu kokuryuha," Yusuke interjected.
"-whatever attack on Kurama and run while he still can. Other stuff. Gross
stuff about Hiei, mostly about how… young he is." Kuwabara shook his head. "How
inexperienced he must… have been. Before Kurama." Kuwabara winced. "There was
more, but you don't want to hear it and I don't want to say it. The youkai can
be pretty vicious sometimes."
"Yeah, duh."
Kuwabara elbowed Yusuke in the ribs. "Present company excluded, of course, you
big softy."
Yusuke bared his teeth, smiling weakly.
"But what's the problem?" Botan cocked her head to one side. "They're not
human, you know. Hiei, or Kurama. I mean, Kurama is a little human.
Technically."
"Listen. Ba-san said that Hiei isn't old enough or experienced enough to know
what… Kurama's doing to him."
Botan frowned. "But Hiei's older than you are."
"But don't youkai age differently? Yukina-san said that she'll only be an adult
when she's reached a hundred years old or so," Kuwabara said softly.
And Yukina and Hiei are…
Botan and Yusuke frowned, not looking at one another.
"There's experience, yeah, but also just basic maturity," Kuwabara continued.
"Hiei may be experienced with fighting and killing and whatever, but…" He
sighed. "Anywhere, there was one thing I heard during the Tournament that I've
been thinking about all morning."
"What?"
Kuwabara shook his head. "How… when Kurama, no, Youko Kurama is done with Hiei,
he'll be… That Youko Kurama will drink up his youki and leave him emptied, and
move onto another victim."
Yusuke flinched.
'Once Kurama is done with Hiei, he will turn his attentions to someone else.'
Oh, fuck.
I told Hiei to make up with Kurama.
Idiot! Stupid, stupid!
"One of the things I kept hearing about is that in Makai there are places full
of emptied youkai, and you can pay to… uh…" Kuwabara's lip curled in disgust.
"It's, I guess, some sort of-"
"Okay, I get it." Yusuke ran his hands through his hair. "Damn it."
"Which, I mean, yeah, it's fucking horrible, but that's what the youkai were
saying. They expect that Kurama will drink up all Hiei's youki and leave him
for dead." Kurabara's eyes flashed.
"But that was Youko Kurama they were talking about, right?" Botan said. "Not
our Kurama."
Yusuke scratched his head. "I hate to say this… but… are we really sure Kurama
hasn't… changed?"
"His youki is different," Kuwabara murmured. "Completely different since before
the Tournament. Power, intensity, breadth… It's like…"
"It's like he's someone else."
"Yeah."
"And Kurama did… devour Hiei at the Tournament."
"Yeah."
"And again yesterday."
"Yeah."
They sat in silence.
"And, uh, I don't know if now's the time, but are we gonna talk about what we
saw?" Kuwabara said. His eyes were hard. "I don't understand a lot about the
youkai or Makai or any of it, but I heard Hiei shout a bunch of stuff that made
it pretty fucking clear he didn't want what Kurama was doing."
Botan looked away. "It was awful. All that screaming."
Yusuke sighed, frowning. "Yeah."
"I didn't know plants could do that," Botan murmured. "On Hiei's belt. They
were like… like fingers."
Yusuke shuddered.
There's definitely things about Kurama that we didn't know.
Yesterday proved it.
So then I have to ask: what else don't we know about Kurama?
Botan sighed. "But I just can't imagine Hiei not being able to defend himself.
Could it be that that's just how… they are?"
"But that's exactly what Ba-san was saying! That Kurama…" Yusuke shook his
head. "It just doesn't make sense."
"Wait, what did Genkai say?"
"That if Hiei were older, he wouldn't have let Kurama treat him like he has.
That Kurama's taking advantage of Hiei's inexperience."
"Inexperience isn't a word I'd normally associate with Hiei," Kuwabara
grumbled.
"Yeah, but I was thinking about what she meant. We all have friends and
families, and just people around us all the time." Yusuke stretched. "If
something bad was happening to me, there's a dozen people who'd step in and
help. Ba-san, my mom, Keiko, you two, and that's just for starters. The same
goes for you, Kuwabara. And I'm sure you have people, Botan, right?"
"Of course I have people! I have a family too, Yusuke!"
"And you also have us! Kurama has people too. He has his human mother that he's
really close to. He goes to school, and Kaito said that he's always the top of
his class, and he's in the literature and biology clubs, and so on."
Kuwabara and Botan nodded at him.
"But… who does Hiei have?"
They stared at each other.
Kuwabara crossed his arms over his chest. "He could have us, if he wanted. We
could be there for him."
"Could he?" Yusuke rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean, think about this.
Growing up I had my mom, you had your parents, and Shizuru too. My mom was
always pestering me to make friends, to join one stupid club after another.
Hell, we went to school every day for the past twelve years of our life, where
we were surrounded by a hundred people, every day." He leaned forward and
stared into the dregs in his teacup. "My mom knew she wasn't exactly a good
role model so she was always making sure I always had plenty of decent people
around me."
Kuwabara nodded. Botan was looking away, frowning, lost in thought.
Yusuke looked into his empty cup. "But who has Hiei ever had?"
Kuwabara crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know. He had to have
someone, right? No one's completely alone. What about that sister of his?"
"No, don't you remember? He's never found his sister. That's why he was looking
for her." Yusuke shook his head. "And you said you heard in the Tournament that
his mom died when he was born."
"That he killed her, you mean."
"I don't really believe that, but the point is, who did he have after that? Who
raised Hiei? Who taught him how to talk, to read, and shit like that?"
"Can he read?" Kuwabara muttered.
Yusuke glared at him. "Who has Hiei ever had except Kurama?"
They sat in silence.
Botan frowned. "Do you think Hiei doesn't know he can reach out to us?"
"I don't think that's the problem, honestly," Yusuke said. He thought about
Hiei, his sword shaking an inch from Yusuke's nose, his panicked eyes wide. "I
think he knows he can rely on us, for some stuff at least. But for this? I
don't think he knows how. He doesn't understand why he should want to reach out
to us. If he's never had anyone, maybe he just doesn't know the value in
forming relationships." Yusuke paused.
'Worthless'?
He winced.
"Yusuke? What is it?"
"When I talked to Hiei the other day, I think I was talking to him about
Kurama, or something, and then Hiei said this thing that stuck with me. Let me
think how he said it." Yusuke crossed his arms over his chest. "It was
something like, 'Explain why an old fox-god needs something worthless like
me.'"
Botan and Kuwabara stared at him in horror.
"Yeah."
"You don't actually think… Hiei thinks…"
"But he's the most arrogant bastard I know!" Kuwabara shouted.
"Maybe that's… all a front?"
"I don't think so," Yusuke said slowly. "I think he is really confident about a
lot of stuff, and for good reason. The ensatsu kokuryuha is amazing. He did
live through receiving the Jagan. He has every reason to be arrogant about his
fighting skills." Yusuke rubbed the back of his neck. "Hiei is one of the
strongest fighters I've ever seen."
"I don't understand," Botan said. "Why would he say something like that then?
Are you sure you didn't misunderstand?"
"No," Yusuke said flatly. "You didn't see his face."
"Maybe that's what Ba-san meant," Kuwabara said. "This is what Kurama is taking
advantage of. Hiei is so physically strong he doesn't realize he's weak in
other ways."
They all nodded, and sat in silence, thinking.
Kuwabara was the first to speak. "So what are we gonna do about it?"
Yusuke sighed. "What can we do?"
"I don't know. Maybe we should keep them apart."
"You can try," Botan said. "But their youki are intertwined. They won't want to
stay apart for long. It'll be uncomfortable for them, maybe even painful.
Especially now."
Yusuke shook his head. "But from what it sounds like, the only possible ending
to this is Kurama killing Hiei."
Botan nodded meekly. "That is.. the usual way it goes."
"As opposed to?"
Botan smiled. "There are Makai fairy tales of lovers who devoured one another
and lived long and wonderful lives together!"
Yusuke blinked at her. "But that's different. That's not what they're doing.
Kurama is devouring Hiei. It's not mutual."
"T-true."
"Ba-san said that Kurama knows exactly what he's doing to Hiei. So no matter
what we do, we have to assume that Kurama will be trying to stop us."
Botan nodded. "That does seem to be the case…"
"But Ba-san also said that if Hiei lived through the… through yesterday, that
he might be able to eventually get away from Kurama. I don't know how though.
I'll talk to her."
Botan nodded. "There has to be some way to separate them."
"Damn it," Kuwabara snarled. "He's not the same Kurama anymore. Our Kurama
wouldn't have done that. He wouldn't have…" He growled and looked away. "Kurama
wouldn't hurt Hiei, especially not like that. That wasn't Kurama. I don't know
what it was, but it wasn't Kurama."
"Yeah," Yusuke muttered.
Kuwabara inhaled and straightened his shoulders. "I never thought I'd say this,
but when it comes down to it, I, Kuwabara the man, will defend Hiei."
Yusuke nodded sternly. "Same."
"But Kuwa-chan, what do you mean, 'when it comes down to it'?"
"If it looks like Hiei is going to die because of what Youko Kurama is doing to
him," Yusuke said softly, "we kill Kurama first." He breathed deeply, and felt
his resolve harden. "And for now, we try to teach Hiei that he can rely on us,
and try to figure out how to keep them apart."
Kuwabara and Botan, their faces focused and serious, nodded in unison.
 
——
 
"I-I really should stay with him," Kurama said, apologetically. "At least until
he wakes up."
"Oh, of course," Botan said, her voice thick with compassion. "But Kurama,
won't your mother worry if you aren't home to greet her? She's been away for
what, a month?"
Yusuke heard Kurama sigh. "Well, yes, but-"
"Hiei can manage for just a little while, a few hours, right?"
"But if he wakes and I'm not here-"
Botan laughed. "We'll be here! He'll be fine."
"Well-"
"Oh! I nearly forgot!" Botan said, suddenly cheerful. "I have a contact who,
conveniently enough, is passing through the city today. She makes salves and
medicines. When I talked to her, I thought of you and mentioned that I had a
need for something to heal heavy scarring. She said she had some very promising
projects in the works, apparently all sorts of things made with plants only
available in one small area of Reikai! Let me see, she gave me an address to
meet her…" He heard a rustle of cloth, then the crinkle of unfolding paper.
"Here. It's not far from your house, is it?"
"No, it's not, actually," Kurama said. He sighed. "But Hiei-"
"I was going to go alone, but I don't really wouldn't know what to ask her for.
It would be good if you could come with me. I'm sure she'll have something that
will help."
"But-"
"She did say when I talked that these Reikai plants are much more potent than
anything found here. She said some are even stronger than what's available in
Makai!"
"Yes, they can be." Kurama sighed. "I… I do want to meet this contact of yours,
but Hiei-"
"Genkai-sama will look after him, Kurama, you know that. After we meet my
contact, I can check in on him, since you'll head straight home from there,
right?" She hummed, happily. "We're here for you, Kurama. You and Hiei."
"Th-thank you. I… wasn't expecting this."
"We're all friends, Kurama! And that's what friends do: support each other.
Now," Botan turned away. "I'll reach out to my contact on the way. What time is
your mother's train?"
 
——
 
Am I… floating?
He sank into himself, and felt his youki, restored, if not entirely. His Jagan
stirred at his attention, and the dragon beneath his skin seemed unsettlingly
content.
He drifted, for a time, on a white cloud, neither awake nor asleep, unaware of
anything but the feeling of his youki, his soul, shifting around him.
He started to awaken, and he clung to that weightless selfless quiet, but the
more he reached for it, the further it fled from his grasp.
Sunlight on his face roused him, and Hiei opened his eyes.
Gauzy white drapes fluttered in a warm wind.
His muscles ached, deliciously, the same ache that came after a long, intense
fight. He stretched, groaning in pleasure at the feeling of his soreness, and
rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. Here, too, his eyes were sore, but
it seemed irrelevant, so he relaxed, letting the sun bathe him in its heat.
He felt warm.
Outside, cicadas droned.
Where am I?
His youki lazily roved, searching for a familiar-
He heard a creak. Hiei turned towards the sound.
Yusuke sat in a chair, leaning on the back two legs, reading a magazine. "Oh,
hey, Hiei."
Hiei blinked at him.
Yusuke.
Everything felt soft. Hiei ran his hands up, through his hair, and sighed. The
sun caught in his hair, turning individual strands bright red.
Red.
Kurama.
Hiei closed his eyes, letting the sun soak through him. "Where is Kurama?"
"He went off to do some errands with Botan." Yusuke leaned forward, and the
front legs of the chair smacked the floor. He tossed the magazine on the
dresser. "His mom's coming home today too, so he won't be back until tonight at
the earliest, but probably only tomorrow afternoon after school."
Kurama.
Something was there, on the edge of his consciousness: a rising darkness.
He could feel Yusuke's eyes upon him. "How are you feeling?" Yusuke asked in a
low voice.
Why are you asking me that?
Why would-
In a rush, he felt Kurama's hands on him, holding him down, surrounding him,
taking everything from him-
Hiei covered his face with his hands.
He could feel Kurama's hands-
No!
Kurama smiles, satisfied, and Hiei feels his hardness against his back-
No!
Somewhere over the rolling thunder of his blood he hears the familiar soft
clink of his belt being opened. He doesn't understand, even with Kurama's hands
on his hips, even as vines drag his arms down, restraining him-
No!
Kurama's hand wraps around his cock and Hiei's mind goes absolutely blank.
Confusion swallows all his thoughts, and for a brief moment, he wonders if he's
dreaming or-
No!
Kurama laughs, soft and light, as if he didn't have Hiei bound across his lap,
as if his long fingers weren't slowly stroking terror and pleasure and shame
throughout Hiei's entire being, as if Hiei wasn't pleading with him to stop,
please, stop-
Worthless!
"Hiei?"
"Go away," Hiei growled through his fingers.
Why?!
Why did this happen?!
Why would you-
Why would you do this to me, Kurama?!
"Yeah, not gonna happen," Yusuke replied.
Hiei's muscles were tensing, already. The sun felt stifling, no longer a
comfort.
I need to go. Now.
Hiei sat up, waited for the dizziness to fade.
Koenma said I can go to the Makai whenever I want.
I need to go.
Now!
As his vision cleared, Hiei's eyes narrowed. He looked around the small room,
the unadorned walls, the dark wood floors, the thin curtains and thin sheets
and small, understated furniture. Yusuke leaned his chair back on its two legs
again, a crumpled multicolor plastic bag on the floor beside him.
"Ba-san said she had a student who lived here in the complex for a while."
Yusuke stood, stretching. "This was her room."
I took a nap in here once.
He shuddered, setting sparks of pain throughout his body. It had only been a
few minutes before that he had delighted in the ache. He forced himself up and
out of the bed, ignoring the dizziness washing over his vision, swallowing back
nausea.
I don't know what to do.
Why would Kurama…
He sank forward over himself.
Why did he-
Yusuke stood, and Hiei's eyes snapped up to watch him. Yusuke stretched his
back, his arms high overhead. "You hungry?"
Hiei felt numb.
Maybe I am dead.
Would Kurama have let me die though?
He looked away.
"Hiei?"
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to feel.
His mind kept returning to Kurama's face, smiling down at him.
He closed his eyes.
I was already-
I wanted-
I'm going to be sick.
"Hey, Hiei, you alright?"
Hiei ignored him.
'If I am wrong, and you don't love me…'
Why would I have been hard, if I didn't want him?
Why would I have been so close to coming even before he touched me, if I didn't
want it?
Nausea rose in his throat, and Hiei shivered.
"Hey, you don't look so good," Yusuke said, coming closer.
"I'm fine," Hiei snapped.
If I didn't want it, then why did his hands feel-
"Hey, just-"
Hiei twisted out of Yusuke's reach. As he stood upright again, the room spun,
and he pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes.
It felt good.
Why did it feel good?
He sank down to his knees.
Why did it feel good?
If I didn't want it, why did it feel good?!
Why did it feel good?!
"Hiei, hey-"
"Don't touch me," Hiei snarled from behind his hands.
"Don't worry, I'm not gonna."
Hiei fought against the rising nausea.
Stop thinking about it.
Get up, figure out how to get out of here, and go.
Get up.
Get up!
Hiei's legs wobbled as he stood.
"Hey, you alright?"
Don't think about it.
Hiei nodded.
Don't think about it.
"You hungry?"
Don't think about it.
Hiei nodded.
Don't think about it.
"Then let's go get food."
Focus on the here and now.
And don't think about it.
Just find out how to get out of here.
Chapter End Notes
     As always, do let me know your thoughts in the comments.
***** Chapter 8 *****
Chapter Summary
     Who wants udon?
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Keiko blinked. "Is… is that-"
"Don't make a big deal out of it, okay?" Yusuke muttered.
Ignoring them, Hiei stared in the window, at the plastic displays of noodle and
rice dishes. His Jagan was hidden below a band, similar to the one he usually
wore. The shirt with the high neck and coarse blue pants had fit him well
enough, if not a little loosely; when he had finished dressing, Yusuke had
laughed and said something about big brothers.
The only concession Yusuke had allowed was the long bandages, covering the
dragon. There had very nearly been a fistfight over that, until Yusuke suddenly
and inexplicably relented. Hiei had charmed the seals with a breath, making
them invisible to the sort of normal human they'd pass.
As they'd left Genkai's compound, Hiei had stolen Yusuke's hooded jacket. He
had tucked the hood up despite the heat, covering his hair. It made him feel
slightly safer, though he couldn't quite say why.
Don't think about it.
Hiei turned and glared at Yusuke. He pointed at one of the bowls, filled with
noodles and egg.
"Good choice. We're going to go in there, and we're gonna get food, on one
condition." Yusuke leaned against the window. "You don't say a word. You can
talk to us, but no one else."
Don't think about it.
Irritation flickered under his skin, but it felt distant, and he ended up
staring at Yusuke with a blank expression. "Why?"
"Because you don't know how to act in public."
Worthless.
Pathetic.
So pathetic that Kurama-
Don't think about it.
Hiei looked at the ground.
I… deserve this.
Worthless!
"Hiei?"
Hiei nodded, unsure of what Yusuke had said. Yusuke eyed him as if half-
expecting an argument, but Hiei had looked away.
Don't think about it.
"Okay. I'll go get us seats. Stay here with Keiko. Kuwabara should be here soon
enough."
Yusuke trotted through the curtains, greeted by voices raised in unison.
"So, Hiei…kun," Keiko said. "Those clothes suit you."
Hiei looked up at her.
Why is she talking to me?
"Yusuke said you're staying with Genkai-sama?"
Hiei watched her face as she spoke. She smiled at him.
What does she want from me?
Doesn't she hate me?
Did she forget that I kidnapped her?
Suddenly his mind flooded with images of Kurama's face, the sensation of his
arms being yanked backwards until the pain was all he could think of, until
even that pain fell away to Kurama's hands-
Don't think about it.
He nodded.
"How is it?"
Don't think about it.
Hiei looked down at the ground again. At least Yusuke had let him wear his own
shoes. "Warm."
Keiko gave a little tittering laugh. "I guess Genkai isn't the kind to have air
conditioning, is she?"
Why is she talking to me?
Yusuke came out then, laughing about something.
Hiei looked at the people walking before them. Yusuke had led them on some
labyrinthine pathway through somewhat familiar alleyways and small streets
until they'd arrived at this strange covered road. The thoroughfare was lined
with tiny shops stacked on top of each other, and humans, countless humans,
walked and laughed and talked loudly.
All the people around him made his hands sweat and his blood run cold. He
didn't understand why he was there, why he hadn't already fled-
But then Yusuke had slung his arm over Hiei's shoulder. He had started
blathering on about the food-place they were going, and Hiei half-listened,
watching the crowd for threats, but the rolling excitement of Yusuke's
chattering was soothing somehow. Yusuke, the idiot, kept talking until they
stopped in front of the restaurant.
Hiei was cold, in spite of the heat, in spite of the jacket, in spite of the
fires that constantly burned within him.
Don't think about it.
Usually the cold didn't bother him.
Don't think about it.
Usually no suffering his body experienced bothered him.
Don't think about it!
He wouldn't have been able to survive receiving the Jagan if it had. His
toughness, his ability to ignore the mewling irritations of the flesh-
No!
Don't think about it!
-had always been something he had been proud of.
Stop!
Stop fucking thinking about it!
He ducked his head, hiding his face.
He could see Kurama, eyes thin slits, the corners of his mouth quirked in
pleasure, peering down at Hiei; the grassy taste of Kurama's vines pressing
down against his tongue-
As revulsion and shame turned in Hiei's stomach, Yusuke's hand tightened on
Hiei's shoulder.
Was it odd for Yusuke to be touching him like this? He focused on the touch, on
the warmth seeping into his shoulders from Yusuke's arm, the feeling of
Yusuke's body as he jostled Hiei with his idle movements. His hand, now relaxed
on Hiei's shoulder, occasionally tapped a little rhythm that meant nothing to
Hiei.
"Ah, Kuwabara!" Yusuke suddenly called.
Yusuke's arm didn't move. The three of them, Keiko to his right, Yusuke to his
left, Kuwabara stepping to stand in front of him, closed off his vision from
the rest of the street. He felt Yusuke's youki rolling around them, a periphery
of sorts blurring the sounds of the street.
Hiei closed his eyes.
Why am I here?
Why didn't you let me die, Kurama?
Yusuke's hand squeezed his shoulder again.
 
——
 
Hiei sat in silence, as directed, as Keiko and Kuwabara traded comments about
the same classmates they always gossiped about. Yusuke interjected here and
there, but mostly watched the rest of the room.
He has a better fighting sense now.
Hiei watched as Yusuke's eyes followed the humans passing in front of the
room's window. There was tension there, but only in his reiki: his body stayed
loose, his gestures casual.
He's grown.
Even without the gifts from Genkai or his ancestor. Power is one thing, but his
fighting sense has improved drastically. He's earned that.
A woman came and stood behind Hiei's shoulder. Yusuke's hand clapped on Hiei's
shoulder. The woman took a half-step back, seemingly without realizing. Yusuke
squeezed Hiei's shoulder, as he had outside.
Why does he keep touching me?!
Yusuke's touch relaxed him.
Why?
Kurama's touch never relaxed him. Kurama's touch-
Don't think about it!
He was going to shatter, he realized dimly.
Sooner or later.
I want to die.
He stopped listening as the three humans spoke to the woman. Kuwabara asked a
question, prompting some sort of strange exchange of terms. Yusuke interrupted,
the woman said something, and Keiko laughed. The woman said something else and
left.
"Sorry about that," Yusuke said, leaning forward over the table. "Everyone
thinks you're a kid."
"Why?"
"Because you're small."
Hiei frowned. "Size is irrelevant."
"For youkai."
"Hiei-kun?" Keiko held out a glass to him. He stared at it.
"Thanks, Keiko," Yusuke said, taking it from her. He put it on the table in
front of Hiei.
Hiei stared at the water. "Genkai is smaller than you."
"Er, yes, that's true. We're all younger than she is and all of us are taller."
Hiei glared at him. "You said-"
"Humans usually start really small," Kuwabara said, holding his hands up, one
hand above, the other below. "Then, as they get older," the space between his
hands lengthened, "they get taller."
"You just said Genkai is old."
"Sometimes a person is just small," Keiko offered. "I'm shorter than Yusuke,
but I'm a little older. Kuwabara-kun is taller than Shizuru, but she's older."
Hiei frowned. "Humans make no sense."
"How is it for your people?" Yusuke asked.
Hiei looked up, eyes wide.
My…
"You know. Fire youkai. Do you all start the same size or-"
Hiei's eyes narrowed.
He doesn't know.
Even though he knows about Yukina, he doesn't…
He looked away.
"Different then?"
"I… don't have a people."
Yusuke's youki swelled, filling Hiei's consciousness with vivid, powerful red.
But Yusuke's face remained calm, open. "Okay," he said, casual as ever. "So how
do you tell how old a youkai is? If not size?"
Hiei studied Yusuke's face.
Why… is he talking to me?
What does he want?
"What do you want, Yusuke?"
"Hm?"
Hiei glared at him. "You don't talk to me. You never talk to me."
"Uh, first of all, untrue." Yusuke laughed; he squeezed Hiei's shoulder again.
"You're my friend, you asshole."
The same woman returned, a large platter on one arm. She stepped between Yusuke
and Hiei, and placed a bowl in front of Hiei.
Thick white noodles swam in a golden broth. There were slices of egg and small
green things an a chunk of fatty meat on top. His stomach growled.
Kuwabara leaned forward. "Looks good. I thought you only ate sweet things."
Hiei frowned. "I like udon."
He remembered Kurama bringing him to a restaurant, maybe even this one-
Don't think about it.
Yusuke squeezed his shoulder again, even though the food had arrived, even
though he wouldn't be able to eat as well with one hand.
Why are you doing this, Yusuke?
From the corner of his eye, he saw Yusuke watching, grinning at him.
 
——
 
Hiei sat on the steps before the main hall, his arms wrapped around himself. As
soon as they'd gotten back, he had retrieved his sword; it sat on the ground
beside him. His youki, dark and weak, rolled like a slow fire beneath his skin.
Ba-san did say to be more observant.
It's worked out so far.
On their way to the restaurant and during the meal and on the way back, Yusuke
had watched him. He'd realized quickly which surges in Hiei's youki were bad,
and learned that Yusuke's touch relaxed him.
Yusuke's arm had stayed over Hiei's shoulders the entire walk back.
"Hey, Hiei."
Hiei's youki froze. A strand leapt towards Yusuke, flicking against Yusuke's
youki before snapping back, all the the span of a fraction of a fraction of a
second.
So that's how he does it.
Hiei turned his head just enough to see Yusuke over his shoulder, then turned
back.
It's just an acknowledgement that he turns. He's saying that he recognizes me.
When he doesn't respect someone, he doesn't even turn.
He's being polite, if you think about it that way.
Yusuke ducked his head to hide his grin as he strode forward. "That was fun,
wasn't it?"
Hiei said nothing. His youki boiled over and on top of itself.
Yusuke plopped on the steps next to him. Hiei's youki leaned away from him.
"What did you think of the udon?"
Hiei's youki calmed. He nodded. His fingers were rubbing absently at the sleeve
of the jacket.
The swirls began in earnest again.
What are you feeling, Hiei?
"Better than spending the day cooped up inside here, right?"
Again, his youki stilled. But Hiei said nothing, and eventually the fervor
began again.
"Look, I wanted to say something to you."
The thick rounded flames of Hiei's youki tightened into spikes. Hiei glanced at
him. His expression was normal, for him: mistrustful, hesitant, calculating. He
stared for a moment, then looked straight ahead again.
Is he… afraid?
Is that why his youki is so aggressive?
"It's about Kurama."
The spikes thinned and speared one another. He could almost taste the sour
agony washing off of Hiei.
It is fear.
He's afraid of Kurama.
Yusuke looked up at the sky.
Man, I can't believe I fucked up this badly.
"I had told you that since Kurama needed you, you needed to be there for him."
He felt Hiei's eyes on him. Yusuke stared straight ahead, into the dark,
watching the fireflies.
I gotta be careful with what I say.
Hiei isn't exactly accepting of anything that suggests he's weak in any way.
"You and Kurama are both my friends. I trust the both of you to have my back."
The spikes of Hiei's youki tightened, piercing themselves in a thorny mass.
"But the thing is, the way Kurama's been acting recently has me a little
worried."
The spikes arched.
"I'm worried for him, obviously, because he's my friend. But… honestly I'm more
worried about you."
Beside him, Hiei stiffened. "I don't need your pity," he spat. His youki was a
cacophony of stabbing, swirling, arching spikes and thorns.
"It's not pity, Hiei," Yusuke said softly.
Careful.
"During the Tournament, when you fought Zeru, in that first round, it was a
good bout, right? You matched each other well."
"An easy win," Hiei snapped.
"Yes. But what if it had been me fighting Zeru? His flames would have given me
a lot more difficulty than they gave you."
Hiei said nothing, but his youki calmed, just slightly.
"Everyone's got strengths and weaknesses. It's natural. So it isn't pity when
you see someone fighting a battle against an opponent whose strength takes full
advantage of their weakness. Like me with Sensui." Yusuke laughed. "Man, his
kicking thing was bullshit."
The spikes of Hiei's youki eased, just a little.
"Just… be careful, Hiei." Yusuke turned to face him.
"What are you saying?" Hiei growled. But his youki was a mess of fear again.
Yusuke met his eyes. "I'm saying that it isn't weakness to know you're
outmatched. It isn't weakness to ask for help."
Hiei's eyes narrowed, searching for deceit. His youki trembled. He glanced
away, meeting Yusuke's eyes again, then opened his mouth-
Something flared on the edge of Yusuke's senses, and Hiei's youki snapped to
the south. His head darted up.
"What is it?" Yusuke said, on his feet.
Hiei's youki strained against his skin. His jaw tightened.
That same sour taste flowered in Yusuke's mouth.
He's afraid.
Is it Kurama?
It has to be, right?
"Hiei?"
Hiei crouched down, grabbed his sword, and disappeared into the night.
"Hiei, wait!"
He was already gone.
Damn it!
Chapter End Notes
     This chapter is shorter, but it had to be to maintain narrative. As
     always, thoughts and comments are wonderful. <3
***** Chapter 9 *****
Chapter Summary
     Love or need.
     --
     This chapter has unpleasantness in it.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Kurama ached.
He turned from the open window and sat on his bed. The room, orderly as ever,
with its various seedlings from two worlds, felt conspicuously empty. He tapped
his foot, impatient.
Soon.
Seeing Shiori had settled something in his chest. He had known seeing her would
do him good. But as the evening progressed, and they continued their happy
conversation, he had felt himself growing restless.
Hiei.
It was all he could do to not leave mid-sentence. He feigned a headache, a ton
of homework, tiredness, and Shiori shooed him off to bed. Oh, but did Shuichi
mind if she wasn't here in the morning?
Kurama had paused, on the second step upstairs, confused.
They're married now, and, remember, they hadn't yet decided which house suited
them better? They're still taking turns in both homes so they can come to a
decision.
Of course Shuichi had no complaints. He wanted his mother to be happy, after
all.
With Shiori gone, Kurama had showered. Under the lukewarm water, he had felt
his need for Hiei acutely. He stroked himself, water pounding on his face,
remembering the agony in Hiei's eyes. He spilled into his own hands.
But even as he let the shower rinse over him, the heat in his body continued to
rise.
So he had called for Hiei.
And Hiei had no choice but to come.
Kurama waited.
Soundlessly, Hiei slipped through the open window, crouching on the floor.
"What are you wearing?" Kurama frowned.
Hiei straightened. His eyes were overly wide, his body tense.
Jeans?
"Where are your clothes?"
"Destroyed."
"And whose clothes are those?"
Hiei's eyes narrowed slightly. "Yusuke gave them to me."
Kurama nodded.
Yusuke.
He'd better not-
Kurama laughed then, at himself, at the ridiculousness of the situation. Of
course Yusuke wouldn't be able to come between him and his Hiei.
"Take it off."
Hiei's eyes flared with rebellion even as his shoulders flinched.
"Not this again," Kurama sighed. "Please, Hiei. I don't have patience for this
tonight."
"Shall I come another time then, my Lord Fox?" Hiei growled.
"Don't be like that."
Hiei snorted. "How do you want me to be?"
Kurama sighed. "Please, Hiei. I need you."
That had done it. A jolt of desire flooded through Hiei's youki. Kurama smiled.
His cheeks deliciously pink, Hiei slowly crouched, bowing his head. He stayed
that way for a long moment, his trembling hands on the floor.
Hiei's youki boiled in on itself.
Oh, Hiei.
You know you are mine.
Stop fighting it.
With a deep breath, Hiei put his sword on the floor beside him. He
straightened, pulling the band around his head off, dropping it on the other
side. He tugged the shirt over his head.
Kurama smiled. He was already feeling much better.
Hiei tugged one boot off, then the other. He rose and pushed the jeans, still
buttoned, off his hips. Beneath he was bare, but for the bindings around his
dragon. He slipped the bindings free, revealing the lovely sinuous form of the
black dragon. He stepped out of the clothes and stood, bristling, his face
flushed and lovely, eyes still strangely wide, shoulders still overly stiff,
his cock not quite soft.
"Come here."
Hiei came closer, stopping when he was within reach.
"On your knees."
Hiei's eyes flashed, but he did not look at Kurama.
Interesting.
"Hiei."
Hiei's lips curled back, but he knelt.
Kurama's grin widened. "Look at you," he said, leaning forward. His eyes roved
over Hiei's lithe and youthful body, his scattered scars only drawing attention
to his subtle strength. Kurama caressed his cheek. "How beautiful you are."
This time Hiei did look at him, his eyes filled with hate, saying nothing.
"Are you mine, Hiei?"
Hiei bared his teeth.
"Hiei-"
"Yes," Hiei hissed.
"Say it."
He glared at Kurama for a moment more before looking down. "I am yours."
"Yes." Kurama's youki fulled the little room. His plants, accustomed to him and
his recent explorations, spread their leaves and petals, absorbing as much of
his essence as they could.
Hiei's eyes fluttered closed. Black flames danced upon his skin.
"Such a beautiful little thing you are," Kurama cooed.
Hiei flinched.
Won't you let me unmake you, Hiei?
"Look at me."
Hiei obeyed.
"I want to see you."
"I'm here, aren't I?"
Kurama chuckled. "My Hiei, do you know how much I want you?"
Hiei's face flushed, vivid red. But his hands tightened into shaking fists.
"I want to all of you." Kurama's fingers splayed over Hiei's throat, his thumb
rubbing Hiei's jaw; Hiei's blood beneath his fingertips was as frantic as the
flailing of a tiny captured bird. "Everything you do, everything you are. I
want your words, your thoughts. I want your breath, your blood. I want all of
you, Hiei. That is what I want."
Hiei's eyes were scrunched shut. "Devourer," he spat.
Kurama's youki swirled around Hiei's body. "Maybe so."
Look at you.
Already you ache for me.
Hiei grit his teeth, wincing, shaking.
Beautiful.
"Hiei. Touch yourself."
His face blazing, Hiei shifted, spreading his knees further apart. He looked
down-
"Look at me."
"Kurama!" Hiei hissed, refusing to look up.
"Touch yourself, Hiei, but look at me as you do."
Hiei's youki rioted around him. His breath came in ragged gasps; his fists, on
his knees, danced with black flames.
"Ku-Kurama, please-"
"You have nothing to be ashamed of, Hiei. I want to see you."
"It's… too much," Hiei whispered. His breath was fast, near panic. "Please,
Kurama, I c-can't- I don't know what to think when I'm around you!"
"Hiei-"
"I don't know anything. I don't know who y-you are, or who I am or," he moaned,
curling in on himself, fires flashing over his body. "Please, Kurama, I c-can't
do this! Please!"
"Oh, Hiei."
Hiei looked up at him, eyes wet and pleading.
Kurama slammed his youki into him.
Hiei screamed.
He fell backwards, his back arched, his mouth wide, his eyes unseeing. His
hands clutched at the air.
Kurama watched him writhe.
I don't need you to accept my youki anymore, do I?
No. Your youki knows mine now, and will always accept me.
You truly are mine.
Veins stood like cords on Hiei's throat.
Things could be so much easier for you, if you'd just stop fighting me.
I see you, Hiei.
I see how afraid you are of this, of us.
Stop fighting me.
You're already mine.
Slowly, Kurama drew his youki back.
Spread on the floor, Hiei panted, whimpering as he shook. A few hirui stones
lay scattered around him.
"Such a contradiction that you are, my Hiei," Kurama murmured. A vine
obediently fetched one of the stones for him, dropping it in his waiting palm.
It was pinkish, different from others he had seen. "A male kourime, born of ice
with fire for blood. Strong of body, weak of soul. Master of the ensatsu
kokuryuha, yet completely ignorant of his own heart." He dropped the stone from
his hand; it rolled under the bed. "Thief, yet also possession."
Hiei choked back a moan.
"Look at me, Hiei."
"K-Kurama…" Hiei's breath was still coming fast and tight.
He's going to pass out if he keeps that up.
He needs to calm himself.
But to see him like this…
So beautiful.
I want to break you, unmake you, tear you down to your smallest pieces.
Oh, Hiei. I want all of you.
"You have nothing to hide from me. I love you, Hiei."
Hiei stared at the ceiling.
Kurama crossed his legs. "Won't you show me?"
Slowly, Hiei flexed his hands, and rolled onto his side. He sat up. His
shoulders still trembled.
Kurama watched him. His own need, pressed tight against the inseam of his
trousers, throbbed. He wanted to throw Hiei down and force himself inside him
until Hiei was a bleeding, screaming, sobbing mess beneath him, his, his.
Kurama breathed, deep and low.
There's time enough for that later.
Hiei tucked his legs beneath him and turned to face Kurama.
"Here," Kurama said. A vine selected a particular bottle from within a box. It
pulled out the cork and held the bottle at an angle. Another vine wrapped
around Hiei's wrist.
He looked up into Kurama's eyes, trusting, afraid.
The vine on his wrist guided his hand, turning it palm up. The other vine
poured the oil, then withdrew, slipping the cork back and replacing the bottle
where it had come from. Hiei stared at Kurama.
"Show me, Hiei."
"No." Hiei's fires burned the vines on his hand to fine white ash.
"No?"
"No." Hiei bared his teeth. "No, Kurama. I won't."
"Oh?" Kurama wound his finger through the air, teasing tendrils of white from
his youki.
"Torture me then, drown me, kill me. Do whatever the fuck you want. I don't
care." Hiei bared his teeth. "I won't do anything for you. I'm not your fucking
toy, Kurama. I don't want this." He growled. "I don't want you. Not… not like
this."
"Ah." Kurama smiled softly at him. "You don't?"
"No!" Hiei's flames slid up his arms to dance over his shoulders; his hair
fluttered in the wind of his own fires. "I don't want this! I don't know why
you think you can do this to me!"
The sooner you get over these silly ideas of what you want and what you are,
the better off we'll both be.
"You gave yourself so willingly to me the first time, and now you decide you'd
changed your mind?" Kurama leaned back on his bed. "How strange. If you didn't
want what happened yesterday, then why were you hard before I touched you?"
Hiei froze. The flames on his shoulders winked out of existence.
There you are.
I see you, Hiei.
So afraid.
"I wonder which is the liar: your words or your body," Kurama said lightly. He
inspected his fingernails. "Or maybe you're just confused, Hiei. You say you
don't want me, or want this," he made a loose gesture to the two of them, "but
your body is a bit more honest."
Hiei's face crumpled.
Oh, Hiei.
Kurama gave him a soft, pitying smile before looking back down at his hands.
"Look at you now, Hiei. You came here, of your own volition, undressed, and sit
here before me, already aching for my touch. Look how hard you are. A strange
way to express how much you don't want 'this.'"
He heard Hiei begin to cry.
Kurama glanced up. Hiei was sobbing into his hands, curled in on himself.
Kurama sighed. He looked back down at his fingernails.
Enough.
"Hiei, you and I are bound. It's done, and cannot be undone. Remember that you
gave yourself to me, Hiei. Your youki is mine. Your body is mine. You are
mine."
Kurama wanted to push forward, push harder, but it had only been a few days
before that he'd learned he needed to take his time with Hiei, lest he do
something stupid to himself.
Burning his youki to resist me. So childish, Hiei.
What are you so afraid of?
I love you, Hiei.
This is how best we can show our love for another.
Kurama waited for Hiei's cries to ease. "I know what you feel for me, and you
know what I feel for you. All this… fighting, this resistance is for nothing.
Don't you know how much I love you?"
Hiei didn't reply, but he had stopped wailing. Kurama looked up.
Hiei's hands were claws on his head; he sobbed in silence, his mouth open wide.
There were dozens of precious little stones surrounding him. More fell as
Kurama watched.
"Oh, Hiei," Kurama whispered. He crouched before Hiei. Gently he pulled Hiei's
hands from his head.
Hiei flinched away from him; Kurama grabbed him tighter and dragged him
forward. "Enough, enough. Aren't you tired of fighting me?" He cupped Hiei's
face in his hands.
Hiei didn't stop crying. Tears slid down his cheeks and turned to stones as
they rolled over Kurama's hands.
"Hiei, Hiei." He pulled Hiei closer. After a moment's hesitation, Hiei
collapsed against Kurama's shoulder. Kurama smiled.
There you are, my little thing.
"Hush, Hiei. You're lost, yes, and afraid. It's natural. This is something new
for you." He hugged him tight, pulling him into his lap. "Hush, Hiei, my Hiei.
I'm here. You're safe. I love you."
As Hiei settled against his chest, his tears calming but still shaking, Kurama
smiled to himself. He kissed the top of Hiei's head.
Finally.
 
——
 
Hiei twisted, testing the vines around his arms and kneeling legs. He watched
Kurama with that same heady expression of terror and adoration.
Kurama ached with want.
"Shall we try this again?" he asked softly.
Hiei only watched him. His eyes were lined in red.
The same vine as before rose and poured oil into Hiei's vine-guided palm.
Hiei was shaking.
"I love you, Hiei."
The vine around Hiei's wrist expanded, lodging itself around each finger.
Hiei's muscles tightened in resistance, but the vine guided his shaking hand
down, then wrapped his fingers firmly around his still-leaking cock.
"Look at yourself, Hiei. See the honesty in your body. How hard you are for me!
How much you ache for me."
Hiei cried out as his hand began to move, already fast and hard.
It took every fiber of Kurama's self-control to keep his hands folded on his
knee.
Hiei watched him, his eyes filled with fear and want, cringing from the
intensity of his own hand moving so ruthlessly against him. Kurama rose from
the bed and stepped closer. He leaned down, holding Hiei's face in his hand.
"You're doing so well," Kurama said softly.
Hiei showed Kurama his teeth, but his eyes were soft with fear.
Kurama kissed his head, in the middle of the white star of his hair. "I love
you, Hiei."
"I hate you," Hiei snarled between gasps.
Fury sparked his youki.
Are we not past this?
Why must you resist me at every turn?!
Kurama struck him across the face.
Vines leapt from all corners of the room, lashing against Hiei's skin, binding
him down in place. His hand still moved, against his will. A sharp whine tore
from him as Kurama increased the speed of his vine-guided movements.
"You love me," Kurama said, softly. He held Hiei's chin again. "I know you do.
Don't be afraid. Enough, Hiei. Be honest."
"I hate you," Hiei hissed. "I'd rather die," he cried out, low and needy, "than
be touched by you again."
Kurama struck him again. Hiei sagged but his restraints held him.
"I hate you," Hiei whispered, his face turned away. The vines dragged him up.
Kurama struck him again.
The third time, Hiei didn't sit up right away. The vines pulled him back up.
Blood dripped down his cheek. His eyes were dark.
Kurama straightened. He returned to his bed, and sat.
Hiei's hand tightened, faster now, and he winced. "I hate you," Hiei breathed.
He met Kurama's eyes, lips drawn back with disgust. "I hate you."
Kurama shook his head. "You don't even know what you feel, Hiei. Look at
yourself. Do you know anything of yourself at all?"
"I should have killed you when first we met," Hiei growled, his breath coming
in short gasps. His eyes fluttered shut. "I hate you."
"You're just a lost little thing, aren't you?"
"Take these plants down and try to touch me," Hiei snarled, eyes flashing. "See
what happens."
Kurama shook his head. "Oh?" A vine, having retrieved a the little bottle,
poured more oil over Hiei's furiously pumping hand.
"I hate you," Hiei growled, but his voice cracked in agony. Gasping for breath,
his head fell back, limp. "I-I hate you," he breathed. "I hate you."
Kurama sighed. "You're so lost, Hiei. You may not be ready to admit your love
for me, but even now you must be able to see how much you need me. You and I
both know that."
Hiei's hips stuttered as his eyes closed, his face twisting into something soft
and hurt; waves of humiliated pleasure rolled off of him and Kurama clenched
his teeth with want. His fists tightened until he felt his fingernails pierce
his own palms.
Oh, Hiei!
"Need… isn't… love," Hiei hissed. His back arched.
Kurama's breathing was tight. "No, I suppose it isn't." Slowly, he fed his
youki into Hiei. He could taste Hiei's pain like the sweetest nectar on his
tongue. His vine moved Hiei's hand all the tighter, all the faster.
Why must you do this?
You know I love you, Hiei.
And I know you love me.
You would fall completely apart without me.
You would be nothing without me.
A single rope-like vine crawled forth from the base of Kurama's skull. It
slithered over the floor, up over the vines on Hiei's trembling thigh, over
those bound around his stomach, up the ridges of his ribs. It crept up his
neck.
Hiei's eyes flashed with panic as the vine encircled his throat. He looked at
Kurama, eyes pleading, hand slicking over himself.
Please, Hiei.
Don't fight me anymore.
Things would be so much easier if you stop fighting the truth.
I don't want to have to force you to admit what you feel. But I will, if you
make me.
Their eyes locked. The intensity of Hiei's emotions fanned over Kurama like the
heat of a bonfire, a cacophony of feelings and thoughts too jumbled to be
understood.
Please, Hiei. Give in to me.
"One last chance."
He's so close.
Ah, but so am I.
Don't you see what you do to me?
"I," Hiei rasped, "hate you."
Oh, Hiei, I do so love you.
Kurama's youki fed into him, and Hiei's hips spasmed, his whole body jerking as
he spilled into his hands. The vine around his throat pulled tight, cutting off
Hiei's moan mid-cry.
Kurama watched him in silence.
So beautiful.
Hiei choked, but his hate-bright eyes never left Kurama's. His chest heaved,
starving for air.
I need you too, Hiei.
He watched Hiei.
Hiei's body was starting to tremble.
Kurama stood and went to him. He caressed Hiei's sweat-drenched hair. "Oh,
Hiei…"
All Kurama's vines retreated but the one grown from Kurama's hair and wound
around Hiei's throat. Hiei reached up with shaking, sticky hands-
Kurama knelt. He brought Hiei's fingers to his mouth. He licked them clean,
moaning, tasting all of him: his sweat, his fear, his agony, his pleasure. He
let Hiei's hands go, and they fell limp to Hiei's knees. Leaning forward, his
hands on Hiei's sweat-damp shoulders, Kurama lapped at the bloodied bruise on
Hiei's cheek: salt and copper and the thickness of congealing blood-
Kurama's own pleasure overtook him, tearing through him like lightning. He
cried out.
Hiei!
Once he could open his eyes, he looked adoringly at Hiei. Hiei's face was
beginning to pale. His eyelids were fluttering.
Kurama leaned close, his lips brushing against Hiei's ear. "Do you love the
air, or need it?" he whispered.
Hiei's youki was faltering. Kurama could feel Hiei's terror begin to slide into
acceptance. It sent joyous aftershocks through him.
"Hiei. Do you love the air or need it?"
Hiei's tongue, dark and wet, lapped at his lips.
"Hiei."
Hiei's eyes had rolled back.
"Answer me, Hiei. Do you love the air or need it?"
Hiei's white lips pursed: 'Love.'
The thicker vine withdrew, and Hiei fell into Kurama's waiting arms, gasping.
Chapter End Notes
     Thank you all for reading thus far. Next chapters will probably go up
     quickly as I finished pre-editing everything last night. (!!!) After
     this, comes the sequel.
***** Chapter 10 *****
Chapter Summary
     Abusers rarely know they're abusive.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The vines tugged Hiei higher, until his feet kicked uselessly, searching for
the floor.
Kurama's hands stroked the insides of Hiei's trembling thighs, already covered
with Hiei's own slick. But his cock was hard again, twitching, leaking.
Greedy little thing that you are.
"Are you ready?" Kurama said softly.
Hiei whined and shook his head, his eyes clenched shut, as they'd been for the
past hour.
Kurama's vines readjusted Hiei's legs, spreading them before Kurama. The vine
over Hiei's mouth lifted, and Hiei panted.
The flush high on his cheeks was a delight.
Again Kurama permitted himself a moment's consideration on driving into Hiei,
tearing him, making him scream and bleed. His fingertips brushed Hiei's
entrance.
Hiei's eyes flew open. He wailed.
Kurama drew his fingers back.
Hiei was sobbing, again. "P-p-please, Kurama!"
"Please what?"
Kurama had amassed quite a collection of hirui stones over the past few days.
As his fingers pressed, harder now, against Hiei's entrance, Hiei threw his
head back, and Kurama idly considered what he should do with his newfound
material fortune.
"Don't!" Hiei cried.
A vine came, pouring oil into Kurama's waiting palm. He slicked his fingers.
"Don't deny me this, Hiei," Kurama said softly. He slipped one finger inside.
Hiei's scream was muffled as the vines swept back over his face. His wide,
terrified eyes begged Kurama.
"So tight," he murmured. "Have you really never done this with anyone?"
Hiei's eyes flashed, red and bright and wet, fury and terror and delicious
humiliation.
Kurama's cock was heavy and throbbing.
How beautiful you are.
Kurama's finger shifted within Hiei's heat, and Hiei sobbed.
"I'm surprised. After the Jagan, you lost all your youki, isn't that right?
What an excellent time for someone to come and have their way with you. You'd
already built up quite the reputation by then, and I must imagine there would
have been a rather long line of those seeking restitution."
Hiei thrashed in the vines. It did little but push Kurama's finger further
inside. He sobbed.
"You wouldn't have been able to do much to resist, hm? Just like now."
Hiei closed his eyes tight.
"Or am I wrong? Have you already been held down and used for the pleasure of
another? Before me?" Kurama paused. "For that matter, you never did tell me
what you gave up for the Jagan."
Hiei was shaking now, struggling as much as he could against the vines, his
vine-muted cries shifting between terror and agonized pleasure.
I'm so close already, Hiei. Don't you see what you do to me?
"I don't like thinking of you with another, Hiei," Kurama whispered. "You are
mine and mine alone." Another finger joined, and Hiei's whole body shuddered.
Kurama's fingers began to slide out and in.
So tight for me, Hiei.
Relax.
Kurama threaded youki to Hiei, emphasizing his own desire.
Relax.
Kurama swallowed. He needed to keep himself together or he'd finish just by
watching Hiei's face. He shoved down his own want and fed more of his youki
into Hiei. Black lightning eased into something gray and soft and wanting.
Hiei's eyes closed, and he moaned. He sunk down in the vines, letting them
support his full weight. As Kurama's fingers moved, Hiei's hips rocked.
Ah, there you are.
Kurama stepped closer, his fingers still locked inside Hiei's heat. His other
hand cupped Hiei's cheek, his thumb brushing over the scabbed bruise, and Hiei
peered at him, eyes bright and half-lidded, his entire body trembling.
"Look at me, Hiei," Kurama whispered. "Don't look away."
Hiei nodded.
Kurama thrust his fingers deeper.
Hiei's expression, always hard and wary, softened with need; his eyes, still
wet, still leaking the occasional stone, locked on Kurama's and Kurama's breath
caught with the sheer lust laid bare. Hiei's breath stuttered. Soft noises,
more want than agony now, escaped his wet lips between gasps.
He was beautiful.
I am the only one who can see you this way.
Only me.
You are mine.
"Don't look away."
Hiei nodded softly.
He doesn't want to.
Kurama was a hair's breadth away from climax. He knew Hiei saw his want, his
need, how he swallowed and tensed and shifted. His hand on Hiei's cheek moved
to his throat and he angled Hiei's chin up.
Hiei watched him.
"Are you ready, Hiei?"
Hiei nodded immediately.
Hiei.
Kurama's fingers curled as he drove the whole of his youki through him, and
Hiei shrilled. His hips jerked; Kurama's fingers curled again and Hiei spilled
himself over his stomach, his voice cracking as he cried out, his tearing eyes
locked on Kurama's.
Mine.
 
——
 
Hiei was restless. As he shifted, the bed creaked.
Kurama rolled onto his side. "Hiei?"
His back to Kurama, Hiei said nothing. His youki radiated cold.
Kurama draped his arm over Hiei's shoulders, drawing him close. "Can't sleep?"
Hiei growled something.
Kurama shifted, cupping the whole of Hiei's smaller body against him. "You're
safe here, Hiei," he whispered. His hand ran through the white star of hair
above the Jagan. "I am here." He kissed the back of Hiei's head, shivering in
the delight of his hair's silken softness on his face.
Hiei shuddered, and Kurama held him tighter. Hiei's pulse was still far too
fast, but its quickness delighted Kurama.
He rejected me, before.
His fingers toyed with the white star of Hiei's hair. The texture was slightly
different. He'd never asked Hiei if he had been born with it, or if it had been
the result of injury.
There was time enough now to learn Hiei inside and out.
Soon.
He thought back on that night, on the power singing through him, how it made
his body feel close to bursting. How bright the colors had been, how
transparent the shadows.
His fingers wove a pattern through fine silk.
Urashima's box hadn't broken the barrier within Kurama just that once, allowing
his youki, Youko Kurama's youki, to return to him for that brief fight. No,
something had been shattered during that fight. He knew himself to be closer to
his youko nature more so than ever before since taking on human flesh.
Simply put, Kurama was stronger now: his command over plants, the depth of his
youki, the intensity of his power had all grown to a level he simply hadn't had
as Youko. He had always thought reiki and youki differed, and he'd always been
able to distinguish that small amount of reiki natural to Shuichi's human body
from the youki Youko Kurama had brought to their union. It could be that
Urashima's box and Suzuki's later gift had done more within Kurama than simply
release whatever bindings had kept the fox form at bay. There was no
differentiation now in his power, he knew. Where before had been two unequal
flames of red and blue, he now had a rich gold and white pool born of two
streams.
Perhaps power is just power, and we distinguish between human and youkai for no
rational reason.
Perhaps my own preconceptions kept my youki and reiki apart.
Kurama slipped his other arm beneath Hiei's neck. His hand pressed against
Hiei's hip, pulling him closer still until Kurama's cock, not quite hard but
getting there, pressed at the cleft between Hiei's buttocks. Only the thin
fabric of Kurama's pajamas separated them.
The desire to shove Hiei down, pinning him as he writhed and screamed, shoving
into him-
Easy.
He could feel Hiei's panic pound against his own chest.
His cock was fully hard now.
Easy, Hiei.
We'll get there. Not tonight, no matter how much I want to take you now.
Oh, Hiei. I can't wait to fuck you properly.
I want to fuck you as I am now with Shuichi's body.
I want to fuck you as Youko.
I'll be twice your size as Youko, Hiei.
What will you do then? Will you scream and thrash? Or will the sheer size of me
daunt you?
How small you'll be in my hands! When I hold you, I'll have to choose between
fucking you and kissing you, you're so much smaller than I'll be. It's
delicious how much bigger I am than you now, but when I am fully youkai-
The imagery was too much.
He was going to lose control, he knew, if he didn't turn his thoughts to other
things.
In his arms, Hiei trembled.
You keep that up and you're going to make me lose myself, Hiei.
As delicious of an possibility that might be…
He took a deep breath.
Not yet.
Other things.
Think about anything else.
Ah, but he's already nervous.
Kurama stroked his hands through Hiei hair, and gently kissed the back of
Hiei's neck. He fed his youki, thin and calm and languid, into Hiei's skin. In
his arms, Hiei's tight stiffness began to ease.
Hiei's breathing had calmed.
Kurama allowed himself a single slight angling of the hips to slide his
clothing-bound cock against Hiei's bareness; he clenched his teeth to prevent
himself from crying out.
Gods, Hiei, what do you do to me?!
Hiei was dead weight in his arms. His pulse had returned to a normal rhythm.
Finally asleep.
Kurama closed his eyes, and breathed Hiei in.
 
——
 
Climbing the stairs four at a time, Yusuke whistled along to the song blasting
through his headphones.
Genkai's task hadn't been much trouble. The four youkai guarding that last
Territory-user had fallen before Yusuke had even begun to warm up, and, with
his headphones blasting in his ears, the Territory's hypnotism presented no
issue. He did feel kind of bad for punching a girl though.
A familiar shadow flashed past him at an impossible speed.
Yusuke grinned.
He's back!
Yusuke followed Hiei's youki as it moved to the far edges of Genkai's complex.
He put away his shoes and the bag of mochi he'd picked up on his way over; he
murmured the lyrics of the song to himself as he turned off the tape player.
Huh. Wonder what he's doing over there.
He strolled through Genkai's complex, it's largess and intimidating façades now
familiar and cozy.
Hiei stood in the middle of one of Genkai's storerooms, in clothes Yusuke
didn't recognize, but still wearing Yusuke's pilfered jacket. He was putting
something that sounded like glass in a small muslin bag in his open hand. From
the doorway, Yusuke couldn't tell what was inside. He strode into the room,
peering down at the bag over Hiei's head to see a blur of shadowed pink.
He dropped one hand on Hiei's shoulder. "I was wondering when-"
Hiei flew deeper into the storeroom, twisting as he landed, his hands already
blazing with black flame. He saw Yusuke and his face flickered; for a half-
second Yusuke saw open pain and horror there.
Hiei?!
Hiei's hands tensed and he clenched them into fists. The fires vanished.
Yusuke blinked. "H-hey."
Hiei glared at him, his chest heaving. He straightened, slowly, half-
unbalanced. There was something dark on his face. It was hard to tell what it
was in the gloom of the storeroom.
"Hiei?"
Hiei showed him his white teeth, still panting. He took a wobbling step
backwards.
No. It couldn't be.
No one has ever snuck up on…
Hiei's reaction, the panic that sent his flickering youki into spikes of
terror-
"Did you… You didn't know I was here," Yusuke said softly.
Hiei met Yusuke's eyes. His breathing still came hard and fast. He shook his
head.
"Hiei, are you… It's been days. Are you okay?"
Hiei merely watched Yusuke's face. He shook his head again.
Fuck.
What is that on his cheek?
Yusuke reached to the wall, and flicked on the switch. Humming fluorescent
lights flickered to life.
It's blood. There's a bruise too.
It's not fresh.
"Where were you?" Yusuke asked, his voice low.
Hiei looked down. He crouched and retrieved the little bag. Inside, marbles
clicked together.
"Hiei-"
"I was with Kurama." Hiei looked up.
Yusuke was closer now; it was clear by Hiei's flinch that he hadn't seen Yusuke
move.
Yusuke took one knuckle and pressed against Hiei's chin, asking him to turn his
head. Hiei's eyes stayed on Yusuke's, but he turned his head obediently.
It was worse, close up. An older bruise had been covered by a newer one;
something had struck his face hard enough to cut, and then did it again. There
were heavy dark circles under Hiei's eyes. This close to him, Yusuke could see
the skin of the corners of Hiei's mouth had been rubbed raw.
Yusuke's fingers brushed the mottled skin on Hiei's cheekbone, and Hiei
flinched.
"Hiei-"
Hiei leapt backwards. He drew the hood of Yusuke's stolen jacket up over his
head. The shadow obscured his face, but Yusuke could still see the dark of the
wound.
"Hiei."
"It was Kurama."
Yusuke's eyes flared. "Kurama did this to you."
Hiei nodded. He stuffed the little bag in the pocket of the jacket and drew
down the hood. Beneath, he wore a black scarf, and Hiei unwound it from around
his neck.
At first Yusuke thought it had to be a shadow.
Hiei raised his chin.
Black bruises encircled Hiei's throat.
Hiei watched him through narrowed, defiant eyes.
Yusuke hissed. "He's hurting you."
"Yes."
Yusuke exhaled sharply, as if wounded. "Hiei-"
Hiei wound the scarf back up. "And I am letting him."
"You're letting him?"
Hiei drew the hood over his hair, casting his face in shadow again.
"Sometimes."
Yusuke's rage churched in his stomach. "And when you don't let him?"
Hiei was watching him, expressionless. "Sometimes I let him. Sometimes it
doesn't matter what I want."
Hiei!
"Hiei-"
"His youki is killing me," Hiei said softly. He looked at his hands. They were
shaking. He held his hands out for Yusuke to see. The jacket's sleeves had slid
up, showing more bruises. The head of Hiei's dragon was a blur of black: it was
hard to tell where the bruises ended and the dragon began.
"Devouring?"
Hiei nodded.
"He's done it again?"
Hiei looked at Yusuke, and Yusuke knew he was watching how Yusuke's youki
twisted in on itself with fury, how his muscles clenched with impatience. "Yes.
Many times." Hiei looked down. "Many times each day."
"Hiei-"
"I will go back to him." Hiei paused, and dug the bag out of his pocket. He
tossed it to Yusuke. "Take this. They do not belong to Genkai or Kurama."
Yusuke caught the bag; it was heavier than he'd expected. He loosened the
drawstring and peered inside.
"Are these-"
"Hirui stones. A fortune's worth." He paused. "More than Tarukane ever saw."
Yusuke blinked. "Why-"
"They're mine. I… I want you to have them."
Last will and testament.
He means it.
He's going to die.
Yusuke swallowed. "Why would you have hirui stones? Did you steal them?"
The corner of Hiei's mouth twitched. "For once, no."
"How are they yours then?"
Hiei raised his chin again. "Ask Genkai." He strode past Yusuke. "She has all
the answers, doesn't she?"
"Hiei, wait."
"I will go back to Kurama," Hiei said softly as he stopped. He looked at Yusuke
over his shoulder. "At some point, he will kill me. It will be… sooner than you
think."
"Then don't go back, Hiei. Please, not yet. Let me help you."
"It can't be helped," Hiei whispered. He turned away, shaking his head.
Yusuke flinched.
Kurama says that all the time.
That's not… something Hiei would say.
"Hiei, stay. Just a little bit. Please."
"I can't."
"Why?"
"Because…" Hiei's shoulders sank. "Because being apart from him hurts." He
shivered, and fled.
Chapter End Notes
     We aren't quite to the worst of it yet, and, as per usual, things
     always get worse before they get better.
***** Chapter 11 *****
Chapter Summary
     Kurama crosses one final line, and Yusuke makes a decision.
     --
     This is the worst chapter. Please read the warnings and tags, and
     understand that they are there for a reason.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
He knew Kurama would be angry.
It made his body thrum.
He couldn't tell the difference between fear and excitement anymore.
He slipped in through the window. Kurama's back was turned to him as he tended
to his plants.
"I saw Yusuke," Hiei said. He shrugged his shoulders and the jacket fell.
Crouching, he removed his boots.
"Is that so?" Kurama said, his voice disinterested. He rubbed a leaf between
his fingers.
"Yes." Hiei watched Kurama. He stood and unwound the scarf. He tossed it on the
floor. "I gave him my hirui stones."
Kurama head turned, just enough to peer at him. "Why?"
"Because I have no use for them. Genkai had gathered the ones I'd left there,
but they aren't hers to keep."
"You gave him the ones that were here as well?"
"Yes."
Kurama nodded.
Hiei could feel the fury that sent Kurama's youki into a torrent.
"Why?" Kurama said quietly.
"They aren't yours either."
Kurama's eyes closed.
Terror lanced through Hiei's blood. He swallowed.
"You are mine," Kurama whispered.
"Yes."
"Say it."
"I am yours." Hiei could feel Kurama's pleasure.
"Undress." Kurama turned back to his plants.
Hiei tugged off the t-shirt and the band on his forehead and slipped the jeans
off.
Kurama finished whatever he was doing and turned. He leaned against his desk.
"Why did you give the stones to Yusuke?"
"Because I wanted to."
Kurama's eyes flashed; Hiei felt a pang of satisfaction even as he braced
himself.
"Is he deserving of such a gift? The gift of your tears?"
"He doesn't know they are my tears."
"Even worse." Kurama shook his head. "Impulsive, aren't you?"
"I have very little in terms of possessions, and what I do have, I can't
imagine I'll be needing much longer."
Kurama looked down. His youki began to rise.
Hiei's blood raced in anticipation of pain.
"Hiei."
Hearing Kurama say his name always sent a flare of electricity through him. He
waited.
Kurama's vines weren't silent. Hiei heard them cluster behind him.
Kurama stepped forward, and took Hiei's hands in his. Vines shot forward from
beneath Kurama's cuffs, wrapping around Hiei's wrists.
Without releasing Kurama's hands, Hiei's flames burned the vines away. Ash
spread over the floor.
Kurama sighed. "If you're going to be obstinate-"
Hiei's fist connected with Kurama's cheek, whipping his head to the side. As
Kurama reeled, Hiei stepped back. He leaned against the windowsill. His muscles
were trembling. His head felt oddly light.
I die on my own terms, Kurama.
He didn't know if he was excited or afraid.
It didn't matter.
Kurama straightened. He touched his cheek and winced. "Why?"
"I hate you."
Kurama nodded. "You do."
Hiei's eyes narrowed.
What?
You always say that I'm wrong, or I'm confused, or I'm-
Kurama sighed. He shook his head. "Oh, Hiei."
He knew the vines were coming; they lashed around his wrists and arms, his
thighs and calves, his chest and his neck. These were the coarser of Kurama's
vines, the ones he had made just for Hiei, fireproof. He stayed as he was,
leaning against the sill. Soon enough, he knew, they would move him into
whatever position Kurama wanted him to be in.
Hiei watched Kurama warily.
Kurama went to a drawer and pulled forth a little jar and a little bottle. The
bottle Hiei recognized. Kurama opened the jar and dabbed the tip of one finger
inside. He rubbed it onto the blossoming bruise on his cheek, frowning at
himself in the small mirror by the door. "I can't have marks upon me, Hiei,"
Kurama said. The bruise had already begun to fade. "People see me." His eyes
flashed as he looked at Hiei, challenging. He scraped the remains of what was
on his finger along the lip of the jar and closing it up. "They'll ask
questions. You see, people care for me. If I were covered in bruises and
wounds, someone would do something to protect me."
Hiei's stomach knotted.
Worthless.
I deserve this.
Kurama rolled his shoulders. He turned.
The vines drew Hiei upwards and closer to Kurama. Hiei struggled, as he always
did, but the vines were even stronger than they'd been that morning. They bound
his wrists together and pulled them up over his head, and folded his knees,
pressing them as high as his legs could go.
Kurama looked him over, and Hiei's cock twitched involuntarily. He flushed. He
opened his mouth to say something, but another vine came and slipped around his
mouth, silencing him. He shouted, but the vine muffled nearly all of the sound.
A vine descended wrapped around the little bottle. Kurama lifted his hand, and
oil pooled in his palm. He spread the oil over a couple fingers, eyes never
breaking contact with Hiei's.
Kurama-
Without a word, Kurama stepped forward and pressed his slick fingers against
Hiei's heat. Hiei panted; it was nearly impossible, with the vine in his mouth,
to completely hold back his moans. Kurama looked up and met his eyes, and Hiei
glared at him. A single finger entered him, and Hiei's eyes slammed shut.
No matter how many times Kurama had done this, it still left him feeling
broken, invaded.
Worthless.
A second finger joined after a moment.
Kurama!
Kurama's fingers roughly moved, and Hiei felt precum drip onto his stomach. His
breathing was heavier now, and he opened his eyes. Kurama had been watching. He
met Hiei's eyes. Hiei tried to look away, but the vine in his mouth held his
head where it was.
Kurama smiled. As his fingers withdrew, his eyes softened; as Hiei winced,
Kurama's eyes glowed with pleasure at Hiei's pain.
Stepping back then, Kurama frowned at Hiei, at his trembling and leaking.
Kurama's eyes were calculating, summing up what he saw, and Hiei shuddered.
Worthless!
Usually by now Kurama would have already teased his youki into Hiei. Hiei's
mind would blur. His blood would turn hot, hotter than normal, and Kurama's
touch would draw sparks across Hiei's skin. By then, Hiei's body, his
traitorous body, wanted Kurama, ached for his touch, yearned for the drowning
and subsequent release Kurama would wring from him.
At the same time, Hiei's thoughts would be a mess of self-loathing and pain. He
hated what Kurama was doing to him, but he hated himself all the more. This was
his fault. For all that Hiei kept pleading with Kurama to stop, he wanted it,
after all.
Why else would everything Kurama did to him feel so good?
By the third or fourth time Kurama had dragged an orgasm out of Hiei's frayed
body, a vine would be lodged in Hiei's mouth to silence him from begging for
death.
He knew Kurama knew he suffered.
He knew, despite honey-whispered promises otherwise, Kurama wanted Hiei to
hurt. He felt Kurama's youki grow thick with pleasure when Hiei cringed or
cried out. He saw Kurama's hardness, saw his face twist with open pleasure, saw
the darkness of his release from the inside of Kurama's pants.
A clinking metal sound drew Hiei from his thoughts. Kurama was undoing his
belt. He unbuttoned his pants, and pulled out his cock.
Hiei's eyes narrowed.
Up until now, Kurama had never directly touched his body to Hiei; when he
ravaged Hiei, Kurama kept his clothes on. He always spilled into his pants,
having brought Hiei to his own climax with his hands or vines alone.
In fact, this was the first time he had seen Kurama's body at all since-
Kurama's eyes flicked down to Hiei's oiled heat.
A leaden terror sunk through Hiei.
No.
He's not-
He wouldn't!
His heart started to race. He tried speaking, but the vine cut tighter into his
mouth. He felt the skin of the corners of his mouth crack and bleed.
Kurama!
No!
Please!
The vine with the little bottle returned, dripping more oil into Kurama's
waiting hand. He slicked his palm over his length. His eyes softened for the
briefest moment, then locked on Hiei, furious and judging.
There was a flash of gold in Kurama's angry eyes.
Hiei struggled against the vines.
No!
Kurama!
Please! Please don't!
Kurama stood before him, hands on Hiei's waist. He drew Hiei closer to him, and
something much wider and harder than fingertips pressed against Hiei's
entrance.
We haven't-
Kurama!
Please!
Hiei shrilled against the vine in his mouth, sending fires over his entire
body, writhing as best he could despite his restraints.
No!
Kurama!
Please!
Kurama!
Kurama reached up; electricity darted between his skin and Hiei's. His fingers
brushed a lock of Hiei's hair behind one ear. Then his hands tightened on
Hiei's hips over extant bruises, holding him steady.
Don't!
Kurama watched him.
Kurama, no!
Hiei had never seen him so furious.
Hiei couldn't breathe; he shook and twisted and arched and curled, fighting all
he could against-
Without warning, Kurama pulled.
Hiei screamed, his head thrown back. A horrible, throbbing, excruciating,
widening agony, a thousand, a hundred thousand times more terrible than
Kurama's slim fingers, splitting him in half, seared all other thoughts from
his head. The hurt of it, so different than anything else, of being spread wide
and-
Hiei gasped for air around the vine but his chest was too tight and he still
couldn't breathe.
It was torture.
It hurt so much more than he could have expected.
Kurama!
He shuddered, and even that small movement flared that fullness deep within
him. He screamed again, and distantly, he heard Kurama chuckle.
"I have been waiting for this," Kurama said softly. His thumbs pressed and
rubbed against the jut of Hiei's hipbones, but the ache of old bruises barely
registered. "Today is as good a day as any."
Kurama, why?
"Once you're acclimated, I'll remove this," Kurama said, tapping the vine in
Hiei's mouth. "If you can be good."
With that, he pulled back, and thrust again, hard.
The pain burned away everything else.
It hurt so much when Kurama pulled back, and hurt so much more when he shoved
back inside.
Hiei began to cry.
Why?!
"Ah, look at you," Kurama breathed. He pulled back and thrust again.
The oiled friction was torture; the drawing back resulted in an unfathomably
deep ache; the press forward was…
Hiei's chest heaved. He threw his head back, sobbing.
Why?!
"So beautiful."
Kurama's hips curled, hitting somewhere that sent whispers of pleasure along
with the pain, and set Hiei's blood on fire. He screamed raggedly.
"Look how hard you are," Kurama breathed. One hand ghosted over Hiei's length,
slicking him with leftover oil and his own precum. "So beautiful."
No!
Stop!
Why, Kurama? Why?!
Kurama pulled back and thrust. And again. Hiei screamed, struggling in his
vines, but the vines tightened, and Kurama began to move faster.
"How does it feel, Hiei, to have me inside you?" Kurama whispered. His words
were punctuated with his movements.
Hiei opened his bleary eyes. Kurama's face was flushed; sweat dotted his brow
as he continued: thrust, pause, pull back, thrust. He stared at Hiei, bright
eyes gentle, mouth softly open.
The vine in Hiei's mouth withdrew.
"I love you, Hiei," Kurama said, his head bowing. His sweat-damp hair brushed
against Hiei's chest. "Oh, I love you, Hiei."
Hiei said nothing, his mouth hanging open. He still couldn't breathe. His
vision was tinged with white. An odd emptiness filled his mind. He stared at
the blank ceiling, unseeing.
"I am inside you, Hiei," Kurama whispered. He pulled Hiei down harder, jutting
against that place within his heat that had driven Hiei to despair the first
time. Hiei clenched his teeth.
Kurama began to lace his youki through Hiei's.
He tried so hard, but he couldn't hold back his moan.
"You are mine, Hiei," Kurama said. He grabbed a handful of Hiei's hair and
pulled his face down until Hiei looked into his eyes.
Nothing remained of Kurama's soft and rich eyes. These eyes were pure gold.
Hiei started.
"Kurama!" he gasped.
"You are mine, Hiei," Kurama said again, and Hiei heard the tone of his voice
shift.
"Please, Kurama," Hiei sobbed, "you're not-"
"Not what, my little thing?"
Hiei had flinched, and Kurama thrust into him particularly hard. Hiei keened,
more tears falling.
"Not devouring you with my youki and taking you as you've longed to be taken
your entire little life?"
Hiei's eyes ached from tears. "Kurama, please s-stop…" he whispered.
"Stop what? Stop fucking you?" He thrust; somehow he pushed all the deeper and
Hiei gasped for air.
"Why would I do that?"
Hiei sobbed.
Worthless…
Kurama chuckled. "Ah, you're so tight," he breathed, thrusting harder.
Hiei could only manage the barest whisper. "K-Kurama, please-"
"And so very hot. Although," Kurama laughed, dark and low, "I suppose that's a
perk of fucking an ice youkai as confused as you are."
Hiei cried out as Kurama grasped his cock.
"How wet you are for me, Hiei," Kurama whispered.
Panicked, Hiei shook his head. "Kurama, stop-"
"No. Never." Kurama's eyes closed for a long moment, his hips and hands not
ceasing. "You are mine, Hiei. For now, forever. No one owns you but me." His
hand lovingly caressed Hiei's length, gently, bringing a tingling pleasure, in
complete contrast to the burning agony deep Kurama drove further and further
within him. "I will do with you as I please. You are mine."
Hiei turned his face away.
"I see you, Hiei," Kurama whispered. His golden eyes took in Hiei's look of
terror, and he smiled gently; the thrust of his hips angled again and Hiei
sobbed. "I see all of you. Your weaknesses, your fears, your shame. I see how
much you've longed for this day, of being held powerless, of having no right to
your own body."
Hiei bared his teeth, tears falling, but he knew Kurama could see him tremble.
Kurama fucked him in silence for some time.
Hiei wanted to die.
Kurama laughed suddenly. "Ah, Hiei. I see you."
"Let me go," Hiei whispered.
Kurama smiled. "No, I don't think so. You're so remarkably compliant when I
have you like this, aren't you?" His hips rolled in tandem with his hand on
Hiei's cock, and Hiei weakly struggled against the vines, against the roar of
horrible, shameful pleasure spiraling in his core.
"Kurama, please," Hiei whispered, "I-I'll do whatever you want, I'll-"
"Beg all you want, Hiei. You are mine. I know you, inside and out." Kurama
groaned. "You can hide nothing from me."
"No!"
"What would you do without me, Hiei?" Kurama breathed, bowing his head again.
Sweat dripped on Hiei's chest. "Do you really think Yusuke and the others care
for you?"
Hiei flinched.
"Oh, poor little Hiei. You did, didn't you?"
"S-s-stop it," Hiei whispered.
"They saw your power in the arena," Kurama whispered, grunting low with every
thrust. "They saw what you can do. But they know you're not to be trusted. A
falling knife has no handle, Hiei. So they keep you close, keep you clothed and
fed," he drove harder into him, "but if you disappeared tomorrow," his golden
eyes looked up into Hiei's, "I don't know that they'd notice."
"Liar," Hiei whispered.
Kurama feigned a sigh. He rocked his hips, making Hiei's cock ache. "Do you
really think Yusuke cares one whit if you live or die?"
Hiei's eyes widened. "Kurama-"
"They don't trust you, Hiei. They don't care about you. I'm sorry, Hiei, I know
it hurts, but it's the truth. Why do you think they're always sending you off
with me?" His thrust hit that spot again, and Hiei sobbed a groan. "Because I'm
the only one that can handle something broken like you."
"Liar," Hiei breathed.
Kurama laughed. His youki rose around him, and Hiei cringed away as much as he
could. "Now imagine if I didn't love you."
Kurama's youki floated down, slow as flower petals. Sparks erupted over Hiei's
skin. His own youki, weak and tattered, rose to Kurama's call.
"You'd be alone again, wouldn't you?"
Hiei opened his mouth, but couldn't speak. His world had been reduced to
Kurama's youki and Kurama's thickness, deep inside him, ruining him. All he was
had been reduced to this immense, terrible pain.
"Yes. You would be. No one will ever love you as completely as I do, Hiei.
Remember that." Kurama's thrusts took on a recklessness. "Just another
worthless youkai, destined to live a short, pointless life." His youki flooded
Hiei, and Hiei came screaming.
 
——
 
"Hey, Ba-san. I need to talk to you."
Genkai peered at him. The three Territory-users surrounding the map before her
her looked up.
"Go eat something," Genkai said to them. They nodded and filed out the door,
passing Yusuke.
Yusuke's hand darted out and grabbed Kaito's elbow. "Hey, Kaito?"
Kaito stopped. He looked at Yusuke.
"Has Kurama been in school?"
"No, actually. He's been out sick since the weekend."
"Thanks."
Yusuke dropped the little bag on the table. The hirui stones clinked together.
"Hiei was here," he said as he plopped on the floor opposite Genkai.
Genkai said nothing.
"He said these were his, and he wanted me to have them. I asked if he stole
them and he gave me a weird answer about them being his. He said to ask you."
Genkai nodded. "Do you want to know?"
"Sure. He wouldn't have told me to ask you if he didn't want me to know,
right?"
Genkai raised one eyebrow. "Hiei has a dual nature. He is what's called imiko,
a cursed child. He is not a fire youkai."
"Huh?"
"His mother was a kourime, just as Yukina is kourime. Though you might think by
his nature that he is a fire youkai, Hiei is himself a kouridan. A male
kourime."
Seiryu's ice did nothing against him.
"But as there are no male kourime, he is imiko. His nature is such that he is
in directly contrast to his blood. Where a kourime is ice, Hiei is fire. Where
a kourime can heal, Hiei can harm. And so on." She sipped her tea. "It's a
terrible thing, to be imiko."
"Okay, but the hirui stones-"
"Hiei is still his mother's son. His fallen tears form hirui stones." She
nodded to the bag of stones. "Those are his tears."
Yusuke frowned.
So many?
"How can-"
"I don't know the full story." She turned her cup in her hands. "I've been
wondering how else Yukina differs from the rest of the kourime, other than her
odd-colored eyes. I don't imagine there are many instances of twins where one
is imiko and the other is not." She sipped. "It's well-known that imiko are
always exceptional in their strength and viciousness."
Viciousness?
But Hiei isn't vicious.
Yusuke shook his head. "Is that, about Hiei's… nature, important for now?"
"Not likely."
Yusuke paused.
He gave me the stones, like a gift.
He was acting like I'd never see him again.
He didn't have to tell me about his nature.
What are you thinking, Hiei?
Yusuke swallowed. A nervous weight had formed in his throat.
Is it that you wanted me to know you?
Before…
Yusuke glared at Genkai. "Okay. Let's talk about something else. Kurama is
killing him."
Genkai sighed. "I told you he would, Yusuke."
"You told me to let it go and I can't. Hiei is my friend. What Kurama is doing
is wrong."
"Do you have a plan? Are you thinking of killing Kurama?"
Yusuke frowned. "Not if I don't have to."
Genkai shook her head. "At this point, Kurama can no more decide to release
Hiei than Hiei can decide to leave. One of them will have to die."
"Why though?"
"I've told you this before! Weren't you listening?! Hiei's youki is reliant on
Kurama's! The longer this goes on, the more Hiei's youki will be tethered to
Kurama and not to Hiei himself."
Yusuke said nothing. His mind raced.
"Give up. It was too late from the first day."
"I don't accept that."
"It's not up to you."
"I'm not going to sit back and let Hiei die!"
Genkai's eyes narrowed.
Chapter End Notes
     :(
     --
     (Things will start to get better soon.)
***** Chapter 12 *****
Chapter Summary
     Kurama loves Hiei, can't you tell?
     --
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Kurama had come immediately as Hiei had tightened around him, grunting and
bruising Hiei's hips further with his hands. As he had pulled out, Hiei had
begun to cry again, hanging limp in Kurama's vines. Kurama's golden youki
stirred.
Hiei ached inside with both a foreign pain and also a familiar emptiness.
Worthless.
Utterly, completely worthless.
'Just another worthless youkai, destined to live a short, pointless life.'
It's true.
His head lolled back, and he stared up at the ceiling through aching, bleary
eyes.
He couldn't really feel the fires of his own youki anymore. Somehow, he
couldn't bring himself to care.
Just kill me already, Kurama.
I can't take anymore of this.
Kurama knelt then, drawing Hiei gently down. Holding his long hair up with a
vine, he leaned over Hiei's stomach. "So beautiful," Kurama whispered. His head
sunk down and he lapped up the mess on Hiei's trembling stomach.
Kurama's youki was all there was. Gold and white and honey, filling his senses-
Hiei flinched as Kurama's hand slipped around his soft and sensitive cock. "I
truly love you, Hiei."
Hiei snorted despite himself.
Kurama's hand began to shift over Hiei's softness, slow and gentle, with just
enough pressure to send jolts of discomfort and overstimulation through him.
Stop.
Just let me die.
The field of white above him was flecked with black.
The black of his stolen youki.
Devourer.
His vision was fading, Hiei knew.
"Ah, there you go," Kurama whispered with delight. Hiei distantly realized his
cock had hardened. He heard the scrape of glass, then wetness. Kurama's hand
tightened, hot and slick, and despite himself, he moaned, his voice cracking.
"Beautiful," Kurama purred.
Hiei set his teeth. Kurama's hands began to move quickly, and Hiei squirmed. He
ached.
Stop.
Kurama was murmuring, but Hiei ignored him.
Kurama shifted, and the heat of his body brushed against Hiei: Hiei's cock was
caught between Kurama's own cock and Hiei's stomach. Hiei groaned.
Stop!
Kurama's voice came from directly beside his ear.
"You said you were mine, Hiei."
Kurama's mouth caught his, and Kurama's tongue slipped against Hiei's. A
strange taste filled his mouth. He couldn't breathe.
He didn't want to.
Kurama's hips rocked, thrusting his length against Hiei's.
Hiei trembled.
Let me die.
"You are mine to do with as I please. This is what you have always wanted."
 
——
 
Hiei sat in a darkened corner of Shuichi's bedroom, watching Kurama sleep.
He was exhausted, but sleep wouldn't come.
'I love you, Hiei.'
'You're just a lost little thing, aren't you?'
'Without him, what reason have I to live?'
'I'm the only one that can handle something broken like you.'
'Just another worthless youkai, destined to live a short, pointless life.'
He clutched at his head, sinking in on himself. As he moved, that ache stirred,
deep within him.
His body throbbed with a heat that wouldn't fade.
A heat Kurama had infected him with.
Damn you, Kurama…
On his knees, he stared at Kurama's peaceful face as he slept.
I hate you.
He leaned forward, on one elbow, and reached for his dripping cock.
 
——
 
He awoke in Kurama's arms, in a room he didn't immediately recognize.
Kurama smiled down at him. "I thought you might want to get cleaned up."
Hiei wanted nothing more than to lay down and never get up again.
"Come. Can you stand?"
Kurama held Hiei's shoulders as his feet slapped onto the cold tile floor.
Bathroom.
"Good. Are you dizzy?"
"No." His throat was raw from screaming.
"Come, sit here." He guided Hiei down onto a small stool.
Kurama crouched before him. He was dressed in one of his normal human costumes,
his feet bare. He leaned forward and caught Hiei's mouth in a quick kiss. "I
love you, Hiei."
Hiei nodded mutely.
"You are mine."
"I am yours," Hiei whispered.
Kurama's smile widened. "You like the water hot, right?"
Hiei nodded. His skin ached. Everything ached.
Why hadn't he died yet?
Why hadn't Kurama let him die?
Kurama stood and Hiei heard a series of squeaks, and then, rushing water.
His head felt empty.
He was exhausted.
It was hard to keep his eyes open.
"Hiei?"
Kurama was crouched before him again, the water-thing in his hand spraying hot
water over the floor. The hem of Kurama's pants was already wet.
Hiei looked up at him. He reached out, and put his hands on Kurama's neck.
Kurama stilled.
Hiei's fingers twined through the hair on Kurama's neck, feeling the soft
bodies of seedlings, their roots clinging to Kurama's skin and hair. He pulled
Kurama closer, and pressed their mouths together. His tongue, hesitantly,
brushed against Kurama's.
Please, Kurama.
Please kill me.
Kurama's sigh of pleasure made Hiei's body ache.
Kurama's lips were warm and sweet, his tongue hot as it slipped and pressed
against Hiei's. Hiei groaned into the kiss.
Please.
If you love me, you'll kill me.
I can't live through any more of this.
"Oh, Hiei," Kurama whispered as he pulled back.
Hiei watched him, his eyes heavy-lidded.
Please, Kurama.
"I want you."
Hiei nodded, unable to speak.
Drown me.
Let me die.
Kurama sat him on the wet floor, and knelt between Hiei's open knees. He
reached for something on the wall behind Hiei, and returned with a small
bottle.
"You're beautiful. I will never stop loving you," Kurama whispered as he
unfastened his pants; water crept up, darkening the fabric. He poured the oil
directly onto his cock, slicking it down with a couple tight pumps of his hand.
Hiei watched him in silence.
His head was empty of anything except a wide chasm of pain.
"Hiei," Kurama murmured. He kissed Hiei again, leaning him back until Hiei lay
upon the floor, his knees brushing against Kurama's thighs.
The hot water sprayed from the water-thing, sending eddies against his skin. It
felt strange but a little comforting against his back. He wanted to sleep, but
sleep wouldn't come.
He wanted to sleep and never wake up.
Above him, Kurama leaned on one hand, while his other danced along Hiei's ribs
and hips, rousing Hiei from his thoughts and drawing fire and anticipation.
Kurama's hips slipped down, and heat pressed against Hiei's entrance.
It was too much, and Hiei's wet hands clenched Kurama's shirt. "P-p-please,
Kurama," he whispered. "J-just-"
"I love you, Hiei. You know that, don't you?"
Hiei nodded.
Kill me!
"Look at how you tremble for me." Kurama's free hand stroked Hiei's cheek; as
his fingers brushed over the bruise on Hiei's cheek, his hips angled, pressing
his cock all the harder against Hiei.
"Kurama!" he hissed.
Kurama leaned back, sitting on his haunches. His hands wrapped around Hiei's
hips. "I want you, Hiei."
"Devourer," Hiei breathed.
Drown me. Kill me. Please, Kurama.
If I ever meant anything to you, ever, even a little bit-
Kurama chuckled. "Yes." He pulled Hiei closer, slowly.
Hiei winced as Kurama forced his way inside him, slowly filling him with heat
and pain and that horrible hot fullness.
Kill me, Kurama.
"Oh, Hiei," Kurama breathed, still moving, filling him more.
"It hurts," Hiei whispered.
"Yes," Kurama said softly. He leaned forward as his hips pressed his cock into
him to the hilt; his body cast a long shadow over Hiei. "It's supposed to."
Hiei was crying. He hadn't realized he'd had any tears left. He buried his face
in his shaking hands. "You said you w-wouldn't hurt me."
"Put your legs around my waist."
Shaking, Hiei raised his legs, and Kurama sank even deeper inside him. He cried
out. He felt Kurama's laughter inside him; his body tightened reflexively and
pain arced through his body.
"I will never hurt you."
"Y-you're hurting me now!" Hiei whispered.
Kurama laughed again, and Hiei groaned. Kurama drew back, and pushed forward
again, leaving him aching and empty then despairingly full. Kurama leaned to
one side and took Hiei's wrist in one hand, and splashed it down onto the tile
beside Hiei's head, leaning on it with all his weight. He shifted to the other
side and did the same. Hiei twisted half-heartedly, but he was trapped,
entirely, too weak to put up much resistance.
"I own you," Kurama said softly. "I love you." He moved his hips, and Hiei
shook his head.
"L-liar…"
"You can't hide from me, Hiei," Kurama whispered. "I see you."
"N-no…"
"And I love you."
Hiei shook his head. "Ku-Kurama-"
"Hush now, Hiei." Kurama pulled back and pushed forward again, his eyelids
fluttering. "You're mine, Hiei," he breathed.
"Stop!" Hiei hissed.
Kill me!
"Hush." Kurama began to move more quickly.
Hiei started to sob. "P-please, Kurama!"
"Hush, my Hiei." Kurama head sunk forward. "I love you, Hiei. My Hiei."
"S-stop, Kurama, please, it hurts-"
"Mine," Kurama murmured. He peered down at Hiei with smiling gold eyes. "And as
you are mine, I will take from you what I want."
Hiei struggled against Kurama's weight, but Kurama only chuckled. He began to
move faster, and Hiei's sobs became screams.
Chapter End Notes
     Editing is nearly done on the rest of piece, and the next two parts
     are coming together nicely.
***** Chapter 13 *****
Chapter Summary
     Plans come to fruition.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"Shuichi!"
"Coming!" Kurama pressed a quick kiss to Hiei's unresponsive mouth.
Still out cold.
It's been a long week for him.
Kurama grinned as he closed the door behind him. His vines moved in place to
keep the door locked. He padded down the stairs.
"I'm sorry to have stopped by for only a little while," Shiori said. Her purse
sat upon a small suitcase. "I'll be home on Saturday. Are you sure you'll be
alright without me here?"
Kurama smiled gently at her. "Of course. There are still enough hours in the
day for me to work on my assignments and rest."
Shiori brushed her palm over his forehead. "You're still feverish… Maybe I
should-"
"Mother, I'm fine. Go back to work." Kurama gave her a teasing frown. "You're
not going to be like this when I go to college, are you?"
They laughed together.
"I'm off then. It's supposed to rain, so no going out. Order something for
dinner, won't you? There's money in the drawer."
"Yes, I will. Have fun. See you Saturday."
As his mother strode down the walkway out to her car, Kurama felt a familiar
presence.
Yusuke?
Kurama waved from the doorway as his mother drove away.
As soon as the car rounded the corner, Yusuke appeared and leaned against the
fence. "Yo."
"Yusuke."
Yusuke nodded to him. "Kaito said you've been home sick."
"Home, yes, but I'm not ill."
Why is he here?
Kurama gave Yusuke a warm smile. "I've been… preoccupied."
Yusuke's eyebrows narrowed, just a touch. "Hiei's here." It wasn't a question.
Dread panged in Kurama's stomach. "Yes." There was no point in lying. He knew
Yusuke could feel the low burn of Hiei's youki, asleep upstairs.
"I want to talk to you." Yusuke glanced at the neighboring houses. "Can I come
in?"
Kurama watched him, his mind churning over potentialities and possibilities.
"Please," he said, stepping aside.
Yusuke looked around as he walked in, hands still stuffed in his jacket
pockets. He kicked his shoes off and stepped up into the living room. "Nice."
"My mother is very proud of her home."
"Not yours?"
Ignoring the question, Kurama gestured to the couch, and turned to the kitchen.
"Drink?"
"Sure."
Kurama returned with two glasses of orange juice. He placed coasters and set
them down.
Yusuke leaned forward on the couch. "Hiei came by Genkai's yesterday."
"I was wondering where he'd disappeared to."
"He wasn't there long. Maybe ten minutes."
Kurama nodded, sipping his juice.
"He didn't look well."
Kurama could taste the fury beneath Yusuke's calm words. "No, I suppose he
wouldn't have." Kurama set the glass down.
"Kurama-"
"Hiei and I are managing on our own just fine, Yusuke. Besides," he paused,
"this is a situation very specific to us youkai. I don't mean to be rude, but
you don't have much experience with youkai customs yet. What Hiei and I have
doesn't have a natural human correlate."
Yusuke clenched his teeth, biting something back.
Kurama watched him, and kept his voice warm. "I'm sure Genkai explained this to
you."
"She did." Yusuke flicked the straw around in his glass. "When Hiei was there
yesterday, he said he was dying."
Dying?
His mind raced, over Hiei's strange passivity for the past few days, his quiet
acceptance as Kurama had pushed him, further and further. Kurama shifted,
easing some of the pressure against the heat building in his groin.
He stared at the ice, clinking as it melted.
"Is it true, Kurama?"
"No, I don't think so."
"You don't think so?" Yusuke's voice was low, sharp.
Kurama shook his head. "While Hiei has been tired lately-"
"Kurama, tell me the truth."
Kurama glared at him. "I am."
"You know you're killing him."
"No, I'm not." His eyes hardened. "I would never hurt Hiei."
They both flinched at the black youki sharpening upon itself above them.
Yusuke stood. "I want to see him."
"He's asleep."
Yusuke snorted. "Not anymore, he isn't."
Kurama frowned.
He can read youki now?
That may prove problematic going forward.
But there's no easy way to get rid of him. He's decided this. If I push him
away, he will take that as an admission of guilt. He may do something reckless.
If he sees that Hiei wants to stay, and leaves, well, there's nothing more he
can do, is there?
"Give me a moment. He's in my room, and it's a bit untidy."
Yusuke nodded. He sat back on the couch.
Damn you, Yusuke. This is exactly what we don't need. Hiei's finally relaxed,
and you being here is going to undo all that.
Kurama's vines slipped away from the door. He slipped inside his room, locking
the door behind him.
Hiei was on his knees on the floor, propping himself up on one elbow. His head
hung low, and his hand moved furiously over his length. The little bottle of
oil lay nearby, its cap missing.
"I was gone for just a few minutes, Hiei," Kurama chided. He knelt beside him.
One hand slid along the curve of Hiei's buttocks, while the other enveloped
Hiei's hand. Hiei lifted his head, eyes dark with need, panting.
There were dark circles under Hiei's eyes that Kurama hadn't noticed before.
Dying? Hardly. He's just tired. He isn't used to this yet.
"Allow me."
Hiei shuddered. He drew his hand back.
It was quick work, his fingers curling inside Hiei's already oil-slick heat
while his other hand moved in slow, even strokes. Hiei threw his head back,
teeth clenched tight against a cry he wouldn't let himself release. His whole
body jerked and he tightened around Kurama's fingers, spilling into Kurama's
waiting hand. He sagged into Kurama's arms.
Kurama kissed the top of his head. "Go shower."
Hiei stumbled to his feet and out into the hall. Kurama listened for the click
of the bathroom door and the rumble of the pipes.
By the time he stood, his vines had reordered the few things out of place. He
absently licked his hand clean.
Hiei returned, skin steaming, dripping. Kurama took the unused towel from him
and dried his body. He draped the towel over Hiei's hair. He leaned down and
kissed him.
Hiei's eyes closed. He swayed on his feet.
He isn't dying.
He's just tired.
Poor thing. I really should let him sleep through the night tonight.
"Hiei, get dressed."
Hiei nodded. He took the clothes the vines offered him and tugged them on. He
blinked up at Kurama.
"Go sit on the bed. Yusuke is here."
Hiei stumbled, as if pushed; he stared at Kurama with wide eyes. "Why?" he
hissed.
"I believe he's worried about you."
Hiei shook his head. "Send him away."
"Hiei-"
Someone knocked. "Kurama. Let me in."
Hiei clutched at Kurama's arms, begging with his eyes. His voice was a panicked
whisper. "Please, Kurama-"
What's wrong, Hiei?
Why is this a problem for you?
"It's okay," Kurama said softly. "I'm be right here. Nothing will happen."
Kurama pushed Hiei gently towards the bed and went to the door. He opened it
with a smile.
Yusuke nodded at him.
"Sorry, Hiei was just in the shower."
Yusuke nodded. Kurama stepped aside, and Yusuke walked into the room.
Kurama held his youki in check, as deep within as possible.
Hiei had crawled up on the bed, his arms wrapped around his legs, his head
turned away. Yusuke went and stood before him.
Hiei wouldn't look at him.
Yusuke crouched.
Hiei shook his head.
"Hiei?" Yusuke's hand rested on Hiei's knee. Yusuke flinched, and looked over
his shoulder at Kurama. "I'm not going to hurt him, Kurama," he said softly.
Kurama blinked.
Why-
His youki had risen around him, sharp-edged and ready to strike. He reigned it
in, giving Yusuke an apologetic nod.
Yusuke turned back to Hiei. "Hey," he said softly.
Hiei kept his face turned away.
"We're all worried about you. Do you know that?"
Hiei's eyes clenched tight.
He's trembling.
I have to put an end to this.
Kurama took a step closer.
"Do you remember what we talked about the other day?"
Kurama could barely hold back his fury. His hands balled in fists at his side.
Though Yusuke hadn't moved, his youki formed a periphery, pushing against
Kurama's rage.
"And about strengths?"
"Zeru," Hiei whispered, his voice scarcely louder than breath. "Sensui."
"Yeah. Do you want to hand this one to me?"
Hiei looked at Yusuke then, eyes wide and frightened.
That expression is mine alone!
Only I can see his fear!
Hiei is mine!
Kurama's youki exploded around them.
Yusuke's wall thickened, and he stood.
Hiei looked up at Yusuke.
Yusuke nodded down at him. "Yeah?"
Wide eyed, Hiei bobbed his head once, barely.
Yes?!
Hiei!
No!
You're mine!
Yusuke nodded down to Hiei again, and turned.
"Kurama," Yusuke warned, his voice flat.
Kurama's youki lashed around him. "Get out. Before I change my mind."
"Alright." His eyes locked on Kurama's, Yusuke touched Hiei's shoulder. "Get
your jacket."
"Hiei is staying here," Kurama growled.
"Is he?"
Kurama snarled. His youki grew, towering over Yusuke.
Yusuke raised one eyebrow. "Sorry, did I miss something? Why do you get to make
his decisions for him?"
"He stays."
"You don't get to decide that."
Kurama's vines slithered from their corners, pausing as they drew near. "Hiei
is mine."
"He's not a fucking toy, Kurama," Yusuke growled.
Behind Yusuke, Hiei flinched.
I'll protect you, Hiei.
My Hiei.
Mine!
"He's a person. He wants to go, so he's gonna go. And you're gonna let him."
"He doesn't want to leave! Now get out!"
Yusuke shook his head. "How do you know what he wants? You keep him locked in
here, torturing him-"
Kurama laughed; a shockwave of desire flashed through his youki. On the bed,
Hiei moaned, soft and low, his head falling back as his face relaxed in the
wake of Kurama's pleasure. Yusuke glanced back at him with obvious confusion.
"Torture? Oh, Yusuke. You can't even begin to understand how wrong you are."
Yusuke growled. His fists rose in a flare of blue. "We are leaving, Kurama.
Hiei isn't yours."
"He isn't yours either." Kurama's youki crackled. "He makes his own decisions.
He has decided to stay."
Yusuke stretched one hand down to Hiei. "You and I both know he wants to go.
Hiei, get up, we need to go now."
Rage burst from Kurama's body, shattering Yusuke's periphery. On the bed, Hiei
cried out.
Yusuke moved in a flash, standing between Hiei and Kurama, his glowing finger
pointed at Kurama's chest. "What are you doing to him?!"
Kurama shook his head. "Hiei and I are connected. What I feel, he feels."
"He's in pain, Kurama! You're killing him!"
Kurama's eyes narrowed. "I've told you this before. This is normal for youkai.
It's not something a child like you could understand, mazoku or no!"
"Look at him! Tell me this is normal!"
Hiei cried out again. He rolled onto his side, his legs pulled tight against
his chest.
Yusuke's arms rose higher. "Stop it!"
"I don't like what you're implying," Kurama growled. His skin was hot; black
electricity danced up his arms. "I would never hurt Hiei."
Hiei's cry turned into a tight and agonized keen.
"You are hurting him right now!" Yusuke shook his head. "I'm leaving, and I'm
taking Hiei with me. You won't hurt him again!" The ball of red light on his
fingertip began to grow.
"Have you forgotten what I am?" Kurama said, his voice low.
Yusuke bared his teeth. He sank into a defensive position, rei gun still
readied.
"Are you really thinking of attacking me in my own den?" Kurama laughed.
"You're even stupider-"
 
——
 
Something snapped, sharp and fast. Hiei reeled.
He couldn't feel-
"Kurama!" he screamed.
His tattered youki reached out, searching-
A well of black fire surged at him, swallowing him whole.
 
——
 
"Perfect timing?" Kuwabara grinned.
"Kuwabara! Perfect timing." Yusuke took a deep breath. "It was getting pretty
intense in here."
"Is Hiei okay?"
Yusuke looked over his shoulder. He could feel the low roll of Hiei's youki at
peace; Hiei had collapsed but seemed to be peacefully sleeping… he hoped. "I
think so." He glanced at Kuwabara. "Take that thing off your face and see for
yourself."
Kuwabara yanked white paper seal from his own forehead and shoved it in a
pocket. "Look at that. Just like Genkai said."
Yusuke and Kuwabara grinned at one another.
On the floor, Kurama lay, eyes open, incredulous. The white seal, filled with
layers of illegible writing, was firmly stuck to Kurama's back. The letters
pulsed, dark red and white.
"Yeah, well, once Hiei is conscious we can celebrate, alright?"
"Agreed."
"You got the bindings?"
"Right here." Kuwabara held the rope aloft.
"Let's get to it." They knelt, and, careful to not disturb the white seal, sat
Kurama up. His head lolled against Yusuke's shoulder. Yusuke used one finger to
gently close Kurama's eyelids.
They tied the bindings's complicated knots as Botan and Genkai had instructed,
then eased the limp Kurama back down on the floor.
They peered down at their handiwork.
"You see anything?" Kuwabara said in a low voice.
"Not a thing."
They grinned at each other.
Kuwabara stood, cracking his neck. "We're going to have to wait around until
nightfall to leave."
"Yeah, that's fine. Botan should be here soon enough." Yusuke stretched. "You
know, sometimes I miss that whole Reikai detective racket."
As he stood, Yusuke looked around Kurama's room. The vines that had been
crawling towards him lay still in brown limp clumps; half the plants in the
room had wilted. "Amazing stuff. I can't believe it actually worked. Especially
considering the garbage Koenma had been giving us before."
"Don't get used to it," Botan said from the doorway. She grinned. "You know
Koenma-sama likes to keep all the good stuff to himself." She crouched and
inspected the knots. "Well done! I can't believe you actually remembered all
that."
"So how long until we can make sure they've… separated, or whatever?" Kuwabara
asked.
They looked at Hiei, collapsed in Kurama's bed. His chest rose and fell evenly.
"Yeah, but look. He's looking better already."
Kuwabara and Botan frowned. "He's… covered in bruises," Botan murmured. "I
can't believe Kurama would do this to him."
"Unforgivable," Kuwabara growled.
Yusuke frowned down at Kurama. "Yeah, I never would have thought Kurama would
be capable of this."
"No, me neither."
"No, this is more like something Youko Kurama would have done."
They stared down at the sealed Kurama in silence.
"Did you hear what he said there right at the end?"
"Yeah."
"What did he say?" Botan chirped.
"He said I was an idiot for attacking him in his 'den.'"
"Yeah."
"But… You don't think…"
They stared at Kurama.
Yusuke blinked. "Oh, Botan, you got that flower?"
Botan nodded. She patted the bag hanging by her hip. "Once we talk to Hiei and
he decides how this is going to go, it's all ready."
Chapter End Notes
     Finally! I'm really looking forward to the next few chapters. I
     wonder how they will be received. ;)
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Summary
     Yusuke explains some things.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Yusuke, Botan, Genkai, Kuwabara in the room. The three allied Territory-users
somewhere further out. The shrine youkai and inconsequential humans to the
other side.
He couldn't feel Kurama.
Hiei opened his eyes. Light blinded him, and he shut his eyes again. His youki
rolled through him.
"'Morning," Yusuke said.
Hiei squinted, letting his eyes acclimate to the light. Above him was a wooden
ceiling. "Where is Kurama?"
No one answered him. He sat up; his vision went black. He waited for it to
pass.
There were bandages on him: on both arms from his wrists to his elbows, on his
chest, on his face and neck. Sheets covered his legs; he was wearing some sort
of strange short pants. He ripped the bandage off his face.
"Hey-"
"Where is Kurama?" Hiei snapped. He tugged at the bandages over his dragon.
"Listen, Hiei, a lot has happened-"
Hiei had Yusuke on the floor, his arms pinned down by Hiei's knees, his fire-
wrapped fist drawn back above Yusuke's face, the bandage burning to ash. "Where
is he?"
"He's in the next room," Genkai said. She jerked her head to the side. "Across
the hall."
Hiei glared at her. "I can't feel him."
"No," Genkai agreed. "You can't."
Hiei's eyes narrowed. He leaned back, sitting on Yusuke's chest.
Genkai smirked. "The Jagan won't be able to see him either."
His Jagan opened. His head burst with sharp white lights. He set his teeth and
forced himself to see through the pain.
Nothing.
Where is he?!
Genkai smirked.
"What have you done to him?" Hiei hissed.
Beneath him, Yusuke raised his hands; ashes speckled his palms. "Hiei, can you
just-"
Hiei stumbled to his feet. Genkai was faster somehow, and she darted to stand
between him and the door.
"Get out of my way," Hiei snarled. He felt light-headed, weak. His youki boiled
beneath his skin.
"You need to listen to Yusuke first."
"I can kill you just as easily as a fly," Hiei growled. "Get-"
Yusuke slapped something against Hiei's arm and the room spun. Hiei swayed,
crashing to his knees. A flicker of red drew his focus: bright letters glowed
on the bare flesh of his shoulder. "What-"
"I didn't want to have to do that, but now I'm glad I had it handy." He leaned
over Hiei, frowning. "You need to listen."
He clawed at it, but his fingertips felt nothing. He scratched at the letters,
only managing to redden the skin beneath.
"I'm the only one who can take it off."
"I'll kill you," Hiei snarled. He reached for his dragon, but it slept,
dormant, ignoring him. He stared with horror at the form of the dragon on his
arm. "What have you done to me?"
"Hiei, can you shut up for two fucking seconds?" Yusuke snapped.
Hiei glared at him.
Yusuke sighed. "Do you have any memory of the past couple weeks?"
Hiei snorted. "What kind of stupid-"
Kurama leans over him, his hair dark with sweat, smiling gently as he roughly
yanks Hiei down on his cock, filling him and making him weep. His soft mouth
opens and, smiling, he whispers horrible things, making Hiei scream.
Kurama lies limp, his face barely cresting the surface of the water,
unconscious, his lips nearly blue. Hiei curses as he flounders in the too-fast
river, slowly making his way towards the riverbank.
Kurama's arms slip around him. He breathes warmth against Hiei's neck, holding
him tight. For the first time in a long time, Hiei feels safe.
Kurama's youki rises as a white cloud. His power is a tidal wave of pain that
drives Hiei's very soul away.
Hiei closed his eyes and put his head in his hands. "Damn you," he whispered.
"I guess that's an answer," Yusuke said. He crouched in front of Hiei. "Do you
need a minute?"
His mind filled with Kurama. Hiei stood, shakily, and walked to the far corner
of the room, feeling their eyes on his back. He leaned on his hands against the
walls, head hanging low, sucking in air. He yanked the bandages from his neck,
but his breath still felt hollow. He couldn't breathe.
'No one will ever love you as completely as I do, Hiei.'
Kurama's fingers punch into him and curl against that horrible spot Kurama
somehow knew to find. Kurama grins down at him with gold-green eyes that darken
with pleasure at Hiei's terror.
'Beg all you want, Hiei. You are mine. I know you, inside and out.'
'And as you are mine, I will take from you what I want.'
'Just another worthless youkai, destined to live a short, pointless life.'
His stomach surged, and he vomited.
"Hiei!" Yusuke was at his side in a moment, his hand clapping on Hiei's
shoulder.
Hiei slunk out from under his touch, wobbling backwards until his back hit a
wall. His head was filled with puffs of wool. He wiped his mouth on his arm.
"Where is Kurama?" Hiei hissed, half-sliding down the wall.
"Hiei, talk to me."
"I can't feel him. I can't see him." Hiei froze. His legs shook.
No!
"Hiei!"
Hiei looked up; Yusuke towered over him, eyes wide and worried.
"What have you done?" Hiei hissed.
Kurama!
Yusuke crouched until they were eye to eye. "Hiei, listen to me."
"Y-you've killed him," Hiei breathed. His head was light, empty; he stared up
at Yusuke with open shock. "You killed Ku-Kurama." He opened his mouth, but his
mind was filled with screaming, and no words came.
Yusuke expression softened. "Hiei."
"You…" Hiei's breath came fast and tight. He shook his head. "Ku-Kurama-"
"He's not dead," Yusuke said firmly.
"Not yet," someone grumbled. Hiei didn't know who: the voice came from nowhere,
and everywhere at once.
Hiei moved as if to stand, but crashed back down again. His vision swirled.
"What have you done to me?"
"It's a seal." Yusuke rested his chin on his fist. "It's binding your youki,
supposedly."
"You fucking bastard," Hiei whispered.
'They don't trust you, Hiei.'
'They know you're not to be trusted.'
'A falling knife has no handle, Hiei.'
His teeth clenched and he reeled backwards. His head knocked against the wall
behind him. His hand clawed at the seal, but the seal was a part of his skin.
"Not all of your youki, Hiei. Just about eighty percent. And we sealed Kurama."
"One hundred percent," came another bubbly voice.
"That's why you can't feel him or see him."
Hiei bared his teeth. "Why?" He clawed with more force.
Yusuke grabbed Hiei's wrist and dragged it away from the seal. "Because, Hiei,
he was killing you."
Hiei's eyes narrowed. "Let go of me."
"Stop hurting yourself. I'll take the seal off soon. You need to calm down."
Hiei glanced at the seal, and saw blood. "What are you talking about? Kurama
would never hurt me."
No one spoke. He looked up, and found four sets of eyes staring down at him.
His hand reached for the seal, but Yusuke grabbed his wrist again.
"Let go!"
Yusuke's hand gripped his wrist tight. "Hiei, you were dying. You told me as
much yourself."
Hiei felt his irritation rise. He snatched his hand back. "Stop being weird!
What you're saying makes no sense!"
Yusuke sighed. "Why is he drunk?"
"It's the seal," a gravely voice said.
"Then what the hell good is it? Koenma said it would calm him!"
Hiei scratched slowly at the seal. He couldn't feel any pain, but his
fingernails began to tear through flesh.
"It's supposed to drop the amount of his youki that he can use. Not make him…
whatever this is."
Yusuke pulled Hiei's hand away from the seal, and Hiei twisted his wrist out of
Yusuke's grasp. He went back to clawing at the glowing letters.
"Leave it to Koenma to have to royally fuck up at least one thing."
Hiei's fingers felt strangely wet.
"This is stupid." Yusuke pulled Hiei's hand away from the seal. "Hiei, we need
to talk. Be honest: can I trust you if I take the seal off?"
"What am I going to do?" Hiei banged his head back against the wall behind him.
His head felt hollow. He did it again. Nothing felt real. There was no pain,
just a strange echoing numbness.
Kurama.
"Stop that. Look, I'll take the seal off, but you have to stay here and talk to
me, or I'll put another seal on you. Okay?"
Hiei banged his head against the wall again.
"Hiei-"
"Yes, I'll talk to you," he muttered, banging his head back again. "Take it
off."
"Alright, everybody out." Yusuke winced as his fingernail slipped easily under
the seal. Hiei felt a rising pressure and groaned.
Genkai paused in the doorway. "Yusuke."
"What?"
"Remember what we talked about."
"Yes, I know! Can you just go?!" Yusuke snapped.
The door clicked shut behind them.
Yusuke yanked the seal off, and Hiei sucked in air. He rose and stumbled back
towards the corner. He vomited again. "Fucking bastard," he growled. He spat
bile from his mouth. "You fucking bastard."
Yusuke was glaring at the door, waiting for something. "Finally," he muttered
under his breath. "I should have taken that stupid seal away from Kuwabara.
Nosy bunch of…" He cleared his throat, and fixed his hard eyes on Hiei again.
He wiped his bloodied fingers off on his pants. "Are you ready to talk?"
Hiei glared at him. He had a dull ache in the back of his head. "About what?"
Yusuke frowned at him, disappointed. "About Kurama."
Kurama's hand slowly slicks the oil over his cock. He stares at Hiei with
disdain in his golden eyes; Hiei's stomach tightens with complete, blinding
terror as he realizes what Kurama is about to do to him.
Hiei turned away. "What about him?"
"Hiei, we know Kurama was doing to you."
Hiei's face flushed. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"C'mon, do you really not remember having this conversation with me? You gave
me those hirui stones."
Yusuke's face is oddly calm but his youki is all glowing fury. 'And when you
don't let him?'
Hiei shook his head. "No, I… I remember."
"Are you having trouble remembering things?"
"No." Hiei paused.
Kurama's soft hand brushes Hiei's hair from his face. He leans in and kisses
the closed Jagan. 'I love you, Hiei.'
"M-maybe. I don't know."
"Why don't you sit down? I can… explain what's happened."
Hiei pushed off the wall and fell face-first onto the bed.
Kurama holds Hiei tightly to his chest. "Are you ready?" Absolute fear surges,
drowning out all reason, and all Hiei can feel is the ache of his wrenched arms
left in the wake of Kurama's retreating vines and the throb of Kurama's cock
against his back. Everything is black with the terror and want and shame that
coil in Hiei's core.
"You should have let me die," Hiei growled into the mattress.
"It's okay to be overwhelmed. A lot has happened."
"I'm not."
"Hiei-"
He pushed himself up onto his hand and knees.
Kurama looks down upon Hiei on his knees, his larger hands overlapping Hiei's,
dragging oil across his cock; his long, clever fingers slip into him, curling.
His stomach surged, but there was nothing left.
Yusuke sat on the end of the bed, looking away from Hiei.
"Tell me," Hiei growled. He put his back to the wall, pulling his knees tight
against his chest.
Yusuke nodded. "During the Tournament, Kurama devoured you with his youki. Your
youki became bound to him then."
Hiei, sobbing in agony and pleasure, clutches at Kurama's leg. Kurama's youki
bears down on him, rending him from himself, as his hands stroke Hiei's hair.
Kurama is whispering softly, but all Hiei can hear is the rush of his own
blood.
"Yes."
"You and Kurama were to investigate a Territory-user with a skill of altering
perception. Kurama was affected; you weren't. In the Territory, he saw you die,
and you heard his half of a conversation where he… said that he loved you."
Yusuke leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. "Do you remember that?"
'Without him, what reason have I to live?'
Hiei nodded.
"Good. Something happened and the two of you fought. You left, and Kurama…"
Yusuke sighed. "He went to the bridge."
Kurama's wet-black hair, tiny seedlings and strings of plant matter wound
through the locks, splays over the sandy rocks, while Hiei, on hands and knees,
coughs up brackish water.
"The bridge," Hiei murmured.
"Yeah." Yusuke nodded.
"Go on."
"After that, he devoured you again. But this time, you destroyed your own youki
in order to prevent Kurama from being able to bind you further. You became very
weak, with nearly no youki at all, to the point that we all thought you were
going to die." Yusuke sighed. "You still remember everything?"
'Come to me, Hiei. On your knees.'
'I am yours.'
Hiei nodded.
"Okay. Eventually it was decided that, in order to save you, Kurama would,
through your bond, force the youki he had stolen from you back into you. He did
that, and devoured you. This time you accepted." Yusuke lowered his head. "He,
uh…" His voice lowered. "Look, I don't know if you knew, but we all were there,
behind him. Me and Kuwabara and Ba-san and Botan. By the time we realized what
he was doing… I'm sorry, Hiei."
"You saw him… touch me." Hiei murmured.
"Yeah. I'm sorry."
A wave of revulsion and horrible black shame tightened in Hiei's stomach.
Worthless.
'Do you really think Yusuke cares one whit if you live or die?'
"…Go on."
"After that, we realized you were getting weaker again. Kuwabara and I stayed
with you and kept Kurama away from you while Botan did research on how to break
the binding. She had a plan, but before she got to us to explain, Kurama had
called you to him."
'Please, Hiei. I need you.'
Kurama's face turns with disappointment as he strikes Hiei across the face.
'Do you love the air, or need it?'
Hiei curled tighter in on himself.
Yusuke continued to stare straight ahead, his elbows on his knees, saying
nothing.
Hiei's shaking fingers pressed against his neck, and found it tender and
aching.
'Do you love the air, or need it?'
"G-go on."
"You sure?"
"I said go on!" Hiei snapped.
Yusuke nodded. "Botan had set up some device that recorded fluctuations of
youki not far from Kurama's house. She took readings and went back to Reikai. A
couple days later is when I met you here." Yusuke paused. "Genkai… explained to
me about the hirui stones."
Hiei nodded.
"Then, you ran off again. Botan came and said that the readings weren't good,
that your youki was clearly fading faster than we'd thought." Yusuke sighed.
"You had said to me, that night, that Kurama was hurting you, and that he would
kill you, and you'd die soon. Do you remember that?"
'Kurama did this to you.'
'Sometimes I let him. Sometimes it doesn't matter what I want.'
'At some point, he will kill me. It will be sooner than you think.'
Hiei nodded.
"Okay. That night, Botan, Genkai, Kuwabara and I discussed how we were going to
save you."
"'Save me'?" Hiei sneered.
Yusuke turned. His eyes were firm. "Yes, save you. We talked about this. We all
need help sometimes, Hiei. There's no shame in that."
'It isn't pity when you see someone fighting a battle against an opponent whose
strength takes full advantage of their weakness.'
'It isn't weakness to ask for help.'
What's my weakness, Yusuke?
Is it that I'm so completely fucking worthless that Kurama could just-
Hiei looked away.
Worthless.
"Botan had found a reference to seals used to break the effects of devouring.
However, she couldn't find how the seal was written. We discussed… and
eventually decided to ask Koenma for help."
Hiei froze. "You what?"
"In the end, we decided that we'd rather have you alive and angry with us than
dead." Yusuke rubbed the back of his head. "And, to be honest, we probably
wouldn't have been able to do anything without Koenma's help. He, uh,
eventually gave us some stuff. So Botan went to go get it, and Genkai, Kuwabara
and I worked on the plan. We didn't have much time, we knew, because Botan's
device said you only had another day or so."
'You are mine, Hiei.'
'This is what you have always wanted.'
'You are mine to do with as I please.'
'And as you are mine, I will take from you what I want.'
"What did Koenma give you?" Hiei ripped the bandage off his other arm.
Yusuke leaned back on his elbows. He still stared straight ahead. "A set of
seals, a few types of bindings. Some other stuff we'll talk about later. The
important part was the seals." Yusuke paused. "The one we used on Kurama can
completely seal an S-Class youkai."
Hiei stared at him.
"Yeah."
"That's… Those are only rumors. There's no way something like that actually
exists."
Yusuke nodded. "Botan was surprised too. Koenma said it's, uh, kept secret for
a reason. It's really amazing the stuff Koenma keeps from us… but I guess he
has to. If something happened to one of us while carrying a seal like that, all
of Makai would know about it in a week, and I don't think the S-Class youkai
would appreciate knowing Reikai could have them sealed away completely at any
point with a scrap of paper."
Hiei frowned. "Kurama isn't S-class."
Yusuke flinched, just a pulse in his youki. Hiei's eyes narrowed.
"We, um, we weren't sure we were dealing with the Kurama we knew anymore."
"As opposed to?"
Yusuke leaned his head back, staring at the ceiling.
"Yusuke."
Yusuke shook his head. "We didn't know if Kurama was still… our Kurama. We
thought he might be… Youko Kurama."
'You are mine, Hiei.' Kurama lifts his head, his eyes meeting Hiei's, no longer
green but a glowing, victorious gold.
Kurama laughs softly as Hiei screams. His golden eyes are heavy-lidded with
pleasure. 'I see all of you. Your weaknesses, your fears, your shame…'
Hiei buried his head in his hands.
"Hiei?"
"You're wrong. Kurama has always been Youko Kurama."
"We can talk about that later, with Genkai, if you're up for it. Should I
continue?"
'Undress me.' Kurama stares down at Hiei, his eyes flashing gold. He bared his
teeth in a vicious smile.
Hiei nodded absently.
"The other seals were lesser ones. One stacks on top of the seal we've already
put on Kurama, so he can be conscious and still not be able to use his youki.
Let's see… there are a few for keeping you calm in case something happened,
which were apparently garbage… and a few to keep Kuwabara and his reiki hidden
from Kurama."
Hiei's closed his eyes.
"And then the plan went off without a hitch. Kurama let me into the house, he
went upstairs. I left the door open for Kuwabara. I went into the room, got
Kurama to turn his back to the door, got him nice and distracted, and Kuwabara
hit him with the seal. Bang."
Hiei stared at him.
"And now we're here." Yusuke turned and looked at him. "Do you need a break?"
Hiei's eyes darkened, but he looked away.
"Look, nothing has to happen now. You take as long as you need. We can wait a
day, a week, hell, that seal is permanent until Kuwabara takes it off. We don't
have to deal with this until you're ready."
Hiei ignored him. "You said Koenma gave you more than just the seals."
"Yeah."
Hugging his knees against himself, Hiei looked up and met Yusuke's eyes. "Tell
me."
Yusuke nodded, breathing deeply. "Do you know what dream flower pollen is?"
Hiei flinched. He stared at Yusuke.
"Hiei?"
Rage tightened his muscles and he turned on Yusuke, hands in fists that
flickered with black flame. "For Kurama, or for me?"
Yusuke gave him a pained frown. "Hiei-"
"Shut up!"
Yusuke nodded.
Hiei's fingers brushed the pale scar on his chest.
'Will you at least tell me your name?'
He shuddered.
Dream flower pollen.
He could forget. He could forget everything that had happened. He could forget
Kurama entirely.
Horror rolled beneath his skin. He doubled over, his arms wrapping around
himself.
All of it could disappear.
It would be like it had never happened.
"Hiei?"
Chapter End Notes
     If you haven't read it, there's a small side story in the manga
     called "Two Shots." It was in the 7th volume of the manga: it's a
     little throwaway story about "the first time" Hiei met Kurama. I
     don't personally care for it, but it is canon. I mention it because I
     believe it's the only time dream flower pollen/pollen of
     forgetfulness appeared in canonical YYH.
     --
     Can't believe this piece is almost done.
***** Chapter 15 *****
Chapter Summary
     What can be done? Broken things don't always neatly fit back
     together.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Hiei's youki, dark and violet, simmered under his skin, as it had before the
Tournament, before this whole mess started.
I hadn't expected him to recover so much youki so quickly.
Yusuke stood as silently as he could.
Damn it, Kurama.
Yusuke slipped out the door. He glanced back over his shoulder. Somehow, Hiei
had fallen asleep sitting up, crouched on the bed, his head on his knees, his
arms around his folded legs. He looked young, vulnerable. Yusuke closed the
door silently, and listened for any shifts to Hiei's youki.
Sleep, Hiei.
Yusuke padded down the hall, then through another door. "He's finally asleep,"
he announced as he entered.
Botan and Kuwabara looked up from their cards.
Genkai, sitting on a low chair, opened her eyes. "And?"
Inside his pocket, Yusuke rubbed the seal he'd slapped on Hiei's arm. It was
ragged, the paper feeling more like cloth, soggy with Hiei's blood.
Botan put down her cards. "He's not okay, is he?"
"No, I don't think he is." Yusuke shoved the seal back in his pocket. "And I
don't know if he ever will be."
Kuwabara shook his head. "But after the pollen-"
"He won't take the pollen."
Three heads snapped up to look at him.
"He wants it used on Kurama. Not on him."
"Did you explain it to him? Did you tell him what I told you to tell him?"
Genkai said, eyes hard.
"Yeah, I told him."
"And?"
Yusuke sighed and flopped into a chair. "He doesn't care."
Botan jumped up. "But-"
"He won't take the pollen." Yusuke hung his head back. He made a vague gesture
in the air with his hands. "I told him that it's safe and he won't lose any
other memories. I told him about how it'll be harder for him to be around
Kurama or us. I told him that he didn't need to suffer. I told him that if
Kurama gets the pollen and he doesn't, everything that's happened will probably
just happen again. I told him all of these things." He sighed. "He doesn't
care. He won't take it."
"We could-"
"He knows you have to be conscious for it." Yusuke said, frowning at Botan. "I
managed to get him to accept my promise that I wouldn't force it on him, but
that took forever and even then, I'm not sure he trusts me a hundred percent.
And he says if any one of you approach him without me, he'll assume you're
there to give him the pollen, and he'll kill you."
"What?" Kuwabara shrieked. "After all we've-"
"He doesn't trust anyone, not anymore," Yusuke said softly. "He… really wasn't
happy to hear about the dream flower pollen."
Genkai stood.
"Ba-san?"
She strode towards the door. "Yusuke."
He jumped up.
Genkai turned and strode out the door.
"Ba-san!" Yusuke hissed as he chased after her.
Genkai ignored him. She pushed open the door.
Hiei, on the bed, started awake. He glared at her, baring his teeth, and,
seeing Yusuke behind her, eased, just a bit.
Genkai strode in. Yusuke shut the door behind them.
"You need to take the pollen."
Hiei watched her and said nothing.
"If you don't, there is a very strong possibility that all this will have been
for nothing. Your youki is attuned to his, and will call to him even if he has
completely forgotten who you are. His youki will perceive your openness to him.
All of this will happen again unless you both forget."
"I don't care."
"He will hunt you down, Hiei. He is stronger than you are, and more devious. He
will overpower you and rape you again except this time you will be even less
able to fend him off."
Yusuke flinched, but Hiei did not move.
"You will not survive being held in his thrall again. He will kill you, and you
will suffer the entire time you are dying."
Hiei's eyes narrowed to fine slits. "I don't care."
Genkai removed something from her pocket and flung it to Hiei; he caught it in
one hand. "Youko Kurama is dangerous. What he has done to you he has done
before, to others. Countless others. You must know this. He was called
'Devourer' for a reason."
Hiei's eyes widened for the briefest moment.
"And after you, he will do it again, and again. He is a menace. He should not
be allowed to live."
Hiei growled. "If you touch him, I'll kill you."
"He does not deserve your protection."
"You don't-"
"There are two things you could choose that would arguably be the 'right
decision.' Give him, as he is now, over to Koenma to be tried for his crimes.
Clearly, the 'rehabilitation' that Koenma was hoping for has failed. If Koenma
is involved," Genkai continued, "it will be with this understanding that being
reborn as human has not changed the vicious, violent nature of Youko Kurama. He
will be tried for the crimes he has committed in Youmakai, Reikai, and the
human realms. He will almost certainly be put to death. I cannot imagine any
other outcome."
Hiei snarled.
"You could spare him the indignity of that. Use that seal. It will end his life
instantly. Or put your sword through his heart. Smother him. I'm sure you can
figure out some way to kill a sleeping fox."
Hiei flinched.
"Or, if you are determined to keep him alive," Genkai sighed, "when we use the
pollen, we direct certain changes to his memories. It may work, though there's
no guarantee he won't fall back upon his old habits, especially if his youki is
being called to by yours. Which means you must also forget."
Hiei did not move, continuing to glare at her.
"If you choose death for Kurama, then you can continue down whatever path you
wish. But if you choose to use the pollen on Kurama, it must be used on you as
well."
"No."
Genkai shook her head. "Then use that seal upon yourself."
Ba-san!
"And leave the decision of what will be done with Kurama to those of us
unafraid to make a choice." She turned on her heel and left.
Yusuke watched her go with wide eyes.
"Hiei-"
Hiei was hunched over, his hands clutching his head, his face pressed into the
bedsheets.
"Hiei?"
He was shaking, his body heaving-
He's… crying?
Yusuke went and crouched beside the bed. "Hiei," he said softly. "I'm sorry,
she shouldn't have-"
Hiei screamed then, furious, his hands turned to claws on his own head.
Yusuke sat in silence, not looking at him, waiting.
She shouldn't have yelled at him.
I know she's just trying to help. If she didn't care, she wouldn't have even
helped us figure out how to get Hiei away from Kurama in the first place.
She keeps saying she's not involved, that she won't get involved in youkai
affairs, but every time, she's right by our side.
Hiei's sobbing subsided, and for a long while, he lay, facedown on the
mattress.
I don't know what to do for him.
"I hate this," Hiei mumbled.
Yusuke only nodded.
After some time, Hiei sat up. He glared down at the few hirui stones pooled
together on the bed. "This is my fault."
"What are you talking about? Of course it's not."
"I should have…"
Yusuke risked a glance. Hiei's face was flushed.
"I should have been able to stop him."
"Did you not hear what Ba-san was saying? Kurama's done this before, he-"
"I shouldn't have…" Hiei lowered his eyes. "I… I…" He shook his head.
"Hiei…"
"I don't want to forget," Hiei whispered. His eyes were wide, soft in a way
Yusuke had never seen before. "I… don't know why. What's wrong with me?" His
fingers touched the edge of the seal Genkai had thrown to him.
He's afraid.
Of what, I don't know.
Yusuke shook his head.
Hiei picked up the seal gingerly. "I don't know what to do," he whispered.
"You don't have to decide right now. And listen, I know Ba-san said a lot of
stuff, but whatever you choose to do, I'll support you, and I know the others
will as well. Even Ba-san."
Hiei nodded, staring down at the seal in his hands.
 
——
 
"Are you sure?"
Hiei snarled at Yusuke, who put up his hands.
"Just… Uh. Here." Yusuke's youki slipped forward, touching Hiei's, before
drawing back in a flash; it was Hiei's own technique. "Do that if you need me.
Okay?"
Hiei's eyes narrowed. He stared at Yusuke for a long moment, before finally
nodding. Yusuke turned on his heel and left.
Hiei slid open the door to the bathhouse. He paused in the doorway.
It's not like Kurama's.
I've been here before.
It's not the same as Kurama's.
He glanced over his shoulder. Yusuke was, as promised, far down the hall.
No one else was around.
He closed the door behind him.
He stripped, leaving his things where they lay. He hopped down the two steps
into the shower area.
There were mirrors along the wall.
Growling to himself, Hiei sat on one of the little stools. He grabbed the
water-thing and reached for the faucet.
'It's supposed to hurt.'
He shivered. He turned the water on to the hottest it would go and held the
water-thing directly overhead.
He can feel Kurama's fingers still inside him and around him; his body throbs
with an ache the water can't wash away-
"Stop it," Hiei muttered. He met his own eyes in the mirror before him.
He had dark circles under his bloodshot eyes, and the remnants of the bruise on
his cheek-
'You love me. I know you do. Don't be afraid.'
-still visible. It would probably leave a scar. The corners of his mouth were
rubbed red and raw.
'I know you're frightened. It terrifies you, doesn't it, to be so beholden to
me?'
Hiei lifted his chin. The darkest of the bruises around his throat-
'Do you love the air, or need it?'
-lay directly under his chin. He had various smaller wounds on his shoulders
and chest, but his arms bore layered spirals of various ages of bruises.
'I'm surprised no one has taken you like this before. Or am I wrong? Have you
already been held down and used for the pleasure of another?'
His eyes slammed shut. He threw the water-thing on the floor.
Damn you, Kurama…
Hiei stood, leaving the water running. He crossed to the bath itself and
stepped in.
Heat enveloped him. He curled his legs up against his chest, letting himself
slowly sink into the steaming water. As the water filled his ears, his hearing
shifted and he heard the flow of his own blood clearly.
What am I going to do?
His chest felt oddly empty.
Genkai said my youki is attuned to his.
That I will, whether I want to or not, call to him once I feel his youki again.
He closed his eyes.
'I saw you die. You died in front of me. I need to… Hiei,' Kurama's voice
cracks, and tears fill his eyes, 'Hiei. Please.'
The first thing I did waking up here was search for him.
It's the same thing I've done since…
When had it started?
This week?
The last?
During the Tournament?
Before?
Genkai's right.
Even without intending, I will be giving him the same signs as before,
indicating how I feel.
How I feel about Kurama.
'He will overpower you and-'
Hiei pulled his legs tighter against his chest.
How I feel.
How many times had Kurama told him he loved him?
Had Hiei ever…
No.
I only ever told him I hate him.
Hiei forced bubbles out of his nose.
But I do hate him. I despise him. I want to rip at him and tear him and destroy
him. I want him dead. I want him suffering. I want-
No matter what I choose, only I will suffer.
Kurama will either forget, or die.
You fucking bastard.
I hate you, Kurama.
He put his feet down on the bottom of the bath and pushed off, gliding through
the water. He swung around and slid onto one of the seats. His nose barely
breached the air.
He gets an easy way out.
'He is a menace. He should not be allowed to live.'
I'd agree with that.
But couldn't the same be said about me?
He leaned his head back against the wall.
Even if he dies…
What he's done is done.
I will still feel him around me. I'll still know what he's done to me. I don't
think even dream flower pollen can make me forget all of it.
Hiei closed his eyes.
Besides, even if the mind forgets, will the body?
He could almost feel Kurama's hands around him, phantom touches. His hips
rolled.
Damn you, Kurama.
He dragged himself out of the bath and sat, on his knees. His hands slipped
down.
If you had just talked to me.
His eyes closed.
Just told me from the beginning how you felt.
He could see Kurama's tears, his relief and sorrow, when he realized the
Territory had been a lie.
If you had said to me what you were feeling, what you thought…
One hand was moving now, slowly, the other prodding against the heat that
Kurama had awakened in him.
If you had told me…
His breathing was harder now. Electricity flickered around his arms.
I would have…
I would have…
His teeth clenched. He leaned forward until his forehead touched the cool
stone.
Kurama-
'Just another worthless youkai, destined to live a short, pointless life.'
Hiei's hands froze.
He crawled to the wall and turned his back against it. He pulled his legs up to
his chest. Though the heat in him still thrummed, he felt nauseous.
Kurama, why?
I would have freely given you…
He pushed his palms against his eyes.
Don't think about it.
I can't deal with this.
Stop thinking about it!
Maybe I should just use the seal on myself. I could tell Genkai to make sure
Kurama knew after. Let him suffer for once. Even if just for a little bit. Then
whatever they want to do, they can.
'Now imagine if I didn't love you. You'd be alone again, wouldn't you?'
A sob tore through Hiei's chest.
 
——
 
They had put Kurama in a windowless room. He lay on a cot, a blanket covering
him from the shoulders down. A small lamp sat on a bedside table, shining on
Kurama's peaceful face.
He looked like he was sleeping.
High on his cheek there was a small mark, a smudge of red, where Hiei had
punched him. It hadn't vanished entirely with the cream.
For a long time, Hiei sat with his back against the door. He watched Kurama
breathe.
He rubbed the seal between his fingers.
Chapter End Notes
     Getting towards the end of this piece.
     --
     As always, your thoughts and comments are welcome and appreciated.
     Especially for the last three chapters. (Soon!)
***** Chapter 16 *****
Chapter Summary
     Decisions are made, a finality is chosen.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
A week had passed in relative quiet.
Hiei's mind turned in on itself, remembering. He had taken to spending time
around the others, if only to keep himself distracted.
Yusuke, stupid compassionate Yusuke, had figured it out rather quickly, so he
had turned the room Hiei had claimed as their gathering space. Yusuke and
Kuwabara played cards, chatted inanely, argued, and spent most of their day in
the little room doing positively nothing. Botan would come every now and then,
and Shizuru as well; Yusuke must have been keeping Yukina away. Kuwabara and
Yusuke had taken to falling asleep on the floor, so that morning, Yusuke had
disappeared for an hour only to return with a pair of thin futons filched from
one of Genkai's storerooms.
"I know what you're doing," Hiei growled after Kuwabara left on a quest to find
snacks.
Yusuke looked up. "Reading?"
"You won't leave me alone."
"Do you want to be alone?"
Hiei snarled, but didn't answer.
Yusuke turned the page of his magazine.
 
——
 
"Yusuke."
"Hm?"
"Wake up."
"…Okay."
"I've decided."
Yusuke nodded and sat up. He yawned, stretching his shoulders, and rubbed his
neck. "Do you want me to get Ba-san?"
"No. You can tell them later."
"Okay."
Hiei stared down at the little seal in his hands. His constant worrying at it
had smeared the letters, but he imagined it would still do what it was supposed
to do.
"Kurama will take the pollen. Genkai said he can be… guided, to forget certain
behaviors. She will do that. And he…" Hiei forced his breathing to even out.
"Kurama will forget everything about his feelings for me. He will remember me
as… a fellow thief and member of your team during the Tournament. Nothing more.
If possible, he is to forget everything he knows about me, outside of those
contexts. He will consider me…"
A pair of hirui stones clinked together in his lap.
"An acquaintance only."
Yusuke nodded. "Alright," he said softly.
"When he… wakes, tell him it was the work of the Territory user. The same one
who started this mess," Hiei growled.
"It started a long time before that, Hiei," Yusuke said softly.
Hiei ignored him.
"And for you?"
"Don't worry about me!" Hiei snapped. "Just… do that. To Kurama."
"When?"
Hiei breathed. "Tomorrow."
"Should I go tell Genkai now?"
Hiei said nothing.
Yusuke stood. He padded over to the bed and sat next to Hiei.
"I'm sorry, Hiei."
"He was… my friend. Before." Hiei's fingers gripped the seal.
"I know."
 
——
 
Hiei watched from the doorway.
The sheets had been removed from the bed. Kurama lay, still peacefully asleep,
his chest rising and falling in quiet rhythm. The room had taken on the somber
quiet of a tomb.
Botan handed a small box to Genkai. Yusuke lowered his head, murmuring. Botan
nodded. She looked up, seeing Hiei, and ducked her head. Kuwabara stood nearby,
arms folded over his chest.
'A falling knife has no handle.'
What will I do without you, Kurama?
'Without him, what reason have I to live?'
Hiei shook his head.
"We're going to start," Yusuke whispered as he came close to Hiei. "It's
probably best if you don't stay. Do you have the dampening seal?"
Hiei left.
 
——
 
Yusuke found him outside.
"It's done."
Hiei nodded.
"Ba-san said he'll sleep until at least noon, but when he wakes up…"
Hiei said nothing. He stared out at the horizon from his branch.
"Hiei."
'Without him, what reason have I to live?'
"Hiei."
Kurama's gold eyes flash-
Yusuke had jumped up into Hiei's tree. He crouched on the branch in front of
Hiei. "What will you do?"
"I… haven't decided."
Yusuke sat. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
Yusuke nodded, but didn't leave.
Hiei pulled out the seal. "I can't put this on myself, can I?"
"Which one is that?"
"The one Genkai gave to me."
"That's one of the ones from Koenma. So no."
"If…"
'Without him, what reason have I to live?'
"If I asked you to…"
Yusuke reached forward. His hand gripped Hiei's arm. "Hiei."
"If I asked you to, would you?" He looked up.
Yusuke's eyes were wet.
"I haven't decided," Hiei said softly.
"If you asked me to, I would."
"And if I asked you to keep an eye on Yukina?"
Yusuke nodded.
Hiei put the seal back in his pocket. "Yusuke."
"What is it?"
"And would you… tell Kurama something for me?"
Yusuke's eyes narrowed. "I don't know if it's a good idea."
Hiei looked away.
"But yeah. I would."
"Thank you." Hiei swallowed, and, without looking, held the seal out to Yusuke.
"Tomorrow. Before dawn."
He heard Yusuke's stuttered breath, and then the seal disappeared from Hiei's
fingers.
 
——
 
Genkai found him sitting on top of the shrine gate.
"Get down from there."
He glared at her, but hopped down.
"You're still here. Botan seemed to be under the impression you'd be heading to
Makai."
Hiei glared at her.
"He is awake."
"I know."
"You shouldn't be here."
"Yusuke said Kurama is still weak. He won't be able to sense me, especially if
I stay all the way over here." He showed her his shoulder, where one of the
lesser restraining seals glowed.
Frowning, Genkai crossed her arms. "His weakness is not permanent. He grows
stronger every hour."
"I know."
"Have you decided?"
"Yes."
She peered at him.
He stared right back at her.
Her eyes narrowed. "Hiei-"
"Don't think for one second that you get to tell me what to do. I'm not one of
your little pet humans," Hiei snarled.
"No, you aren't. But it seems unfair to snuff out one young life because of the
actions of another."
"It's the way things are for us youkai."
"The people who have fought for you don't feel that way. To them, this will be
unforgivable."
Hiei snarled. "I don't care."
"If you didn't care, you'd have had us kill Kurama. Or have done it yourself
when this first began."
Hiei looked away. Through the shrine gate, he heard the raised voices of little
youkai arguing over some stolen knickknack. "I'm… tired," he said softly. He
looked down at his hands. "My body is no longer my own. My mind is no longer my
own. He has…"
'You are mine, Hiei. For now, forever. No one owns you but me.'
Fatigue dropped on him like a stone. He stumbled.
"Hiei!" Genkai grabbed his forearms, holding him steady.
"What-"
His vision darkened. He heard a roaring in his ears.
The world tilted. He couldn't see.
"Hiei!"
His youki exploded around him. He screamed as his youki swept him up,
swallowing him, turning everything to blinding fire and the smell of roses.
Chapter End Notes
     Here we go, kiddos. Heading to the end.
     --
     PLEASE let me know if anything is confusing for these last three
     chapters. I know this one ends on a strange [cliffhanger-y] note, but
     it's vitally important to me that this ending, particularly next two
     chapters be clear and understood. Comments and thoughts are always
     appreciated, and please, if anything is not crystal clear, let me
     know. <3
***** Chapter 17 *****
Chapter Summary
     ...
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
He was laying in a bed, in an unfamiliar room.
His head throbbed; as his eyes moved, flashes of white blinded him. He tried to
reach up, but something heavy pressed along the whole of his body, pinning him
down. Weakly, he turned his head to the side. He was alone, though there was a
simple chair and little table beside his bed. On the table sat a book and a
small glowing plant.
Kurama?
He tried to move, but his body was so heavy. He closed his eyes.
 
——
 
"I'm sorry, Kurama."
"I… I had really thought…"
"I know. Me too."
"I don't know what I'm going to do, if…"
"Me neither."
"If… if he… Why didn't it work?!"
"I don't know."
"It should have… he should have…"
"I know."
"What… what am I going to do? Yusuke, I… I c-can't… He can't… Without Hiei, I…
I…"
"I know. We'll… figure it out as we go. Maybe he just more needs time, okay?
Let's just give him a little bit more time."
 
——
 
The same unfamiliar ceiling.
Kurama?
He turned his head.
Kuwabara, his arms crossed over his chest, sat in the chair, snoring.
Hiei looked back at the ceiling. He tried moving his arms, but he was too weak.
Exhaustion tugged at him. He closed his eyes.
 
——
 
Kurama sat up, panting for breath.
A… nightmare?
He touched his chest. His heart raced.
In his dream, Hiei stood over him, his sword in one hand. Blood dripped from
the edge.
Kurama shuddered.
Hiei.
That wasn't real.
That wasn't Hiei.
Kurama clenched his eyes shut, hands clutched over his chest.
It wasn't real!
He heard a noise, like tapping. He looked up.
Something tapped against his window again.
Hiei!
He was halfway to the window before he remembered.
Hiei doesn't knock.
Kurama stopped. He touched his chest again, over the heavy ache he'd been
carrying for far too long.
Hiei.
What if my last real memories of you are on the steppes in Makai?
He swallowed back tears.
What if that was it for us? During the Tournament, the trip back, those few
hours against Itsuki then Sensui… What if that's all I'll have ever really had
of you?
I shouldn't have let you run from me after Sensui.
Maybe I'll never-
Another tap.
He slid the window open. The branch that Hiei preferred was empty.
Hiei.
Please, Hiei.
Please come back to me.
I can't do this without you.
Something small flew at Kurama. He snatched it from the air without a thought.
A… pebble?
"Hsst!"
Kurama looked down.
Yusuke stood on the grass below, his hand full of little stones, grinning
widely. "Kurama!"
"It's the middle of the night, Yusuke," he hissed out the window.
"It's Hiei!"
 
——
 
"Wait! But I thought-"
Kurama clapped his hand on Yusuke's shoulder. "If Hiei's experience was
anything like mine, I am the absolute last person he wants to see."
"But-"
"Please. You have to find out as much as you can about what he went through. I
need to know," Kurama's eyes narrowed, "how to help him."
 
——
 
The only thing that changed was the cast of light on the ceiling overhead.
His exhaustion had passed. He was tired, and weak, but he knew he could stay
awake, at least for a little bit. He reached for his youki, and it responded,
but it was his body that refused to move.
Hiei mutely wondered what had happened.
Did Kurama do something?
Or maybe it was what Genkai was saying.
That my youki would call to his.
Did he drown me?
He closed his eyes.
No. My youki is as strong as it's ever been. Stronger even.
He hasn't drowned me.
And that didn't feel like Kurama though. It felt…
He tried to remember. There had been a lurch, and a sense of falling. His youki
had felt strange, rushing around him and through him with open joy. He had felt
the Jagan's intense honesty and the wanton fire of his dragon, sharp as
needles.
But there was the smell of roses.
So it had to have been Kurama.
He sighed.
So the pollen did nothing.
Which means Yusuke also…
"Hiei?"
Hiei turned his head. Yusuke stood in the doorway.
"Yu… Yusuke," Hiei breathed.
"Hey." Yusuke came closer; he sat on the bed beside Hiei. "How are you
feeling?"
Hiei bared his teeth, but the weakness was coming back. "You… promised."
"Huh?"
"You fucking…"
Yusuke was staring down at him with concern.
"I felt him." Hiei tried to lift his arm. The exhaustion was creeping back on
the edges of his senses. "Kurama."
"You felt Kurama?" Yusuke said softly.
"It didn't… work. He… did this to me." Hiei bared his teeth. "What did he do to
me, Yusuke?! I thought you said he had forgotten!"
"Hey, Hiei, you need rest."
"Where is he?!"
"He's here. Down the hall."
Horror was a heavy stone that tore through Hiei's insides. Hiei stared up at
Yusuke; Yusuke blinked in confusion at whatever he saw on Hiei's face. "Why?"
Hiei hissed; he could feel panic start on the edge of his voice. "Why is he
here?"
Yusuke frowned. "Hiei?"
"Why would… you…" He tried to sit up, but his body was too heavy. "I have… to…"
"Hiei, don't get up. You need-"
"He can't," Hiei panted. He tried to draw upon the Jagan, the dragon on his
arm, all his youki, but nothing could wash away the overpowering fatigue. "He
can't… see me."
Yusuke was watching him with concern. Hiei groaned but managed to sit up. He
panted.
"You're too weak for this right now." Yusuke pulled him forward and tucked a
pillow behind him.
Hiei's head fell back, limp.
'A falling knife has no handle.'
"You… fucking… bastard," Hiei snarled.
Yusuke's brows knit. "You're tired, Hiei. You've been through a lot."
"I… trusted you."
"Hiei?"
"I have… to…" He groaned, trying to force his legs to move by will alone.
"Hiei, you need to rest."
"Before… Kurama finds me."
Yusuke hand tightened on Hiei's knee. "Hiei-"
"You heard… Genkai."
"Ba-san?"
Hiei stared at the ceiling. His rage boiled beneath his skin.
"He'll… drown me." Hiei laughed, his eyes closing. "Though I already… was
expecting…"
"Hiei?"
"To die."
The darkness pulled him under again.
 
——
 
He had fallen asleep sitting up, and a horrible crick had formed in his neck.
He groaned as he rolled his head from side to side.
"Hiei."
Hiei started. Terror flashed throughout his body. He froze, staring straight
ahead.
"Hiei?"
'You are mine to do with as I please.'
Hiei drew his youki inwards. He bound it tight within him. He knew he was
trembling.
Kurama could taste his fear, he knew.
'I'm surprised no one has taken you like this before. Or am I wrong? Have you
already been held down and used for the pleasure of another?'
He shuddered. Nausea rose in his throat, even as his insides twisted in on
themselves.
"I'm glad you're awake."
'I'm the only one that can handle something broken like you.'
Hiei said nothing. His hands clenched on his lap.
Kurama sighed. "You must be feeling exhausted."
'Hiei is mine!'
Hiei set his teeth.
"Hiei, what's the last thing you remember?" Kurama said softly. "It's important
that-"
"Get away from me," Hiei growled.
Kurama got up from the little chair and stepped closer to the bed. "Hiei?"
Hiei's eyes fluttered shut. He could feel Kurama's youki, as always, draped
loosely over Kurama's shoulders, rosy and gold, warm, inviting, full of
promises he knew were lies.
He ached with terror and want. He felt his face flush.
Want.
I'll always want you, won't I?
I don't want you to see me.
I never want you to see me again.
He turned his head away.
"You're a monster, Kurama, in human skin. You don't deserve to live."
Kurama froze.
"Things like you need to be put down." Hiei's hands were shaking. "It would
barely take any effort at all."
Kurama watched him for a moment longer, then turned his back and left.
Chapter End Notes
     This is meant to be a little disorienting... Keep on keepin' on. As
     always, I love hearing your thoughts. <3
***** Chapter 18 *****
Chapter Summary
     What exactly happened to Hiei?
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Kurama paused outside the room where everyone else sat waiting.
He swallowed. It took some time and effort, but he eased the prickling in his
eyes and the searing ache in his heart.
Hiei needs me to be strong, stronger than this.
He walked into the room.
Yusuke, Botan, and Kuwabara were playing cards. Genkai sat a short distance
away, sipping tea. They all looked at him.
"Well?" Yusuke said.
Kurama nodded. His voice came, strange to his own ears, flat and even, belying
none of the horror that kept his shaking hands in his pockets. "Yusuke was
right. Hiei has no idea he was in Higashiyama's Territory. If he felt the shift
from leaving the Territory, he does not know what it was, and is attributing it
to something else."
Yusuke's eyes narrowed. "What does he remember happening then?"
Kurama looked down. "I don't know. He… will not talk to me."
"Why not?" Kuwabara snapped. "You're the only one he'd talk to before! He
doesn't even show up half the time unless you're the one calling him!"
"Yes, but…" Kurama fought against the rising despair in his chest.
'You're a monster, Kurama, in human skin.'
"…Whatever he experienced in the Territory… has changed that."
'You don't deserve to live.'
Genkai grunted. "Whatever he saw in that Territory was very real to him."
'Things like you need to be put down.'
"Yes." In his pocket, Kurama's thumb rubbed along the wide and smooth scar
across his palm.
'It would barely take any effort at all.'
Yusuke frowned. "But then how do we fix it?"
No one spoke.
 
——
 
Yusuke knocked on the door and let himself in. "Yo."
Hiei looked up, then went back to stretching his shoulders.
"I brought the stuff you wanted." Yusuke set the bag down on the bed and sat in
the chair. He put his feet up on the table. "Hey, what happened to the light-
plant?"
Hiei ignored him. He opened the bag, frowning. He tore open a bandage package
with his teeth and started rolling it up his wrist over the dragon.
"Hey, wait." Yusuke leaned forward. "What's on your wrists?"
Black bruises coated Hiei's forearms. As Hiei faced him, Yusuke saw a slash of
mottled purple on one cheekbone.
Did he do this to himself? Since this morning?
He wasn't wounded yesterday while he was still asleep.
His neck is bruised too.
'Whatever he saw in that Territory was very real to him.'
Ba-san did say something about that.
And Kurama did wake up with that scar…
Hiei's eyes narrowed. "I heal quickly, but not that quickly, idiot."
Yusuke looked at Hiei, then leaned back, putting his feet back up on the table.
Hiei wrapped his arm carefully, his teeth bared in frustration.
He's not very good at that.
Kurama… would usually be the one to bandage him up, right?
As he tied off the ends, Hiei sighed. "I won't be able to charm it."
"Why not?"
Hiei snorted. "You know I can't use my youki now."
"Uh…"
Hiei glared at him. "Because you broke your promise. Because Kurama is here,
and he remembers me." He fiddled with the knot. "Because if his youki senses
mine…" He stilled.
I'm not following this at all.
How the hell am I supposed to figure out what you're talking about?
This is Kurama's expertise, not mine.
"I hadn't expected betrayal from you, Yusuke," Hiei snarled as he tore through
the rest of the bag. He peered at the snack bags, tossing them to the end of
the bed. "But since you've refused to kill me, I'll have to wait until
this stupid weakness passes, and I'm strong enough to leave."
Yusuke crossed his arms over his chest.
Since I refused to… kill him?
Hiei glared at his own fists. "Now I have to keep my youki completely hidden,
and I'm…" He looked away. "Weak. Powerless."
"…I'm sorry."
"You said it was done, that Kurama had… forgotten. But… Earlier, when he… I
won't…" Hiei's face softened. He raised his hands, looking at his wrists, one
bound, one bare. "I won't be able to stop him. If he… comes after me again, and
I release my youki, he'll…" Hiei drew in a shuddering breath.
He'll what?
Hiei turned on Yusuke then, his eyes furious, his face flushed. "And now,
instead of being finally dead, I have to hide and cower like a fucking dog." He
turned his face away. "To think I ever trusted you. I really am an idiot."
 
——
 
Kurama shook his head. "The wounds are manifested from his expectation of what
his body should look like. He was injured in the Territory, so he bears his
wounds here."
"He wasn't wounded while sleeping," Botan murmured.
"His mind wasn't really in his body then though, if what Higashiyma told us is
true."
"Yeah, I guess so."
Yusuke yawned. "So even though he wasn't really injured-"
Genkai threw her cup at Yusuke. "Idiot! Pay attention! It doesn't matter! The
wounds are real to Hiei! They will take just as long to heal!"
Kurama showed them the scar on his palm. "Just as this did."
"But none of this makes any sense!" Kuwabara groaned. "Hiei hating Kurama…
that's impossible."
"It's really that he's afraid of you, Kurama," Yusuke said softly.
Kurama nodded. "He… was trying to hide it when I spoke to him, but I… know him
too well." Kurama's weak smile faded immediately. "He was restraining his youki
as well. I could barely sense any youki from him at all."
Botan tapped the table. "Why would he be hiding his youki from you if he's
afraid of you? Shouldn't he be showing off his power? To scare you?"
"It is odd." Kurama paused. "Hiei and I have sparred before, and when it comes
to fighting, we are about equally matched."
Yusuke snorted. "But you've got maybe twice as much youki as he does at this
point. Shouldn't you be way stronger?"
Kurama glared at him. "That should tell you more about Hiei than about me."
Kuwabara cleared his throat. "So, uh, how long was he in there, anyway?"
"Here, Genkai-sama."
Genkai took the fresh tea from Botan. "Higashiyama said that time passes the
same inside the Territory as out."
"So a month."
"Yes."
Kurama closed his eyes and turned his back on them.
"A lot can happen in a month," Botan said softly.
"There's… something else." Yusuke sighed. He turned to Kurama. "Kurama, don't
get upset. We knew whatever he was going through inside that Territory was
gonna be terrible by definition, and we knew that it wasn't going to be easy
for him to come out. And this is Hiei we're talking about. His trust is hard to
earn and easy to lose."
"We should be happy that at the very least, he is alive," Kurama replied. "What
is it you were going to say?"
"I did what Ba-san suggested and let him talk. He seems to be more open with me
than he was before. He also…" Yusuke took a deep breath.
"Please, Yusuke. Just say it." Kurama turned away from him again.
"He was angry at me. He said… that I broke my promise to kill him."
Three sets of shocked eyes locked on him. Kurama swayed, and fell to his knees.
Botan went to Kurama's side.
Kurama's shoulders were shaking. "Would that have counted as suicide to the
Territory's rules? W-would he have… Hiei…"
Yusuke knelt beside him. "Hey, hey, Hiei is okay. He's scared and hurt right
now, but he's going to be okay. He's alive. We're going to help him. We're
going to get through this. All of us, together."
Kuwabara began to pace the little room. "Should we just tell him? That he was
in Higashiyama's Territory?"
Genkai sipped her tea. "I don't think we should yet. As Yusuke's said, Hiei is
naturally mistrustful, and he's very afraid right now. He may assume that
anything we're saying is a deceit to further entrap him."
"So we have to figure out exactly what happened so we can take it apart. We
need to know what happened," Kurama whispered. He looked up. "Let's start from
the beginning."
 
——
 
"The first time you talked to him, he got upset when he found out I was
nearby."
Yusuke nodded.
Kurama lifted the paper again. "Then he said, 'He can't see me.'"
Yusuke nodded again.
"Then he said that he had to leave before I find him, because I will drown him.
But that he was already expecting to die."
Yusuke nodded.
Behind them, Genkai's eyes began to narrow.
Kurama tapped the paper. "We understand that when he said that he was already
expecting to die, it was because he had already exacted a promise from you,
Yusuke, to kill him. Which you failed to follow through with."
"I guess Hiei doesn't think I'm very reliable."
Kurama smiled weakly. "I'm afraid that we will all learn much about what Hiei
thinks of us. More than we'd want to." Kurama took a deep breath, his smile
gone. "There is the matter of his wounds. On his face, wrists and neck." Kurama
looked down. "There are… probably other injuries."
"Poor Hiei…" Botan murmured.
Kurama lowered his head. "I think it's safe to say that the majority of his
bruises appear like the kinds of marks ropes would leave. Or vines."
Yusuke stared at him. "Y-yeah. Now that you mention it."
Kurama closed his eyes. He swayed on his feet.
"That wasn't you, Kurama," Botan said softly, at his side.
"No, it wasn't. But it was a person Higashiyama's ability created using Hiei's
understanding of me." He smiled weakly. "The Territory constructed that Kurama
from Hiei's fears and memories. Therefore, it's safe to say Hiei… could believe
that I was a person who could do whatever it is that that Kurama did to him."
He looked at the scar on his palm. "No matter how you look at it, unless Hiei
believed as I do in that I could never harm him, he could not have had an
experience in which I did."
"Kurama…" Botan whispered.
He met Botan's eyes. "That Hiei believes I could hurt him is a very painful
piece of knowledge."
Genkai put down her tea.
"We have to continue." Kurama straightened.
"Only if you're up to it," Yusuke said softly.
Kurama gave him a hard nod. "I won't rest until Hiei is well." He cleared his
throat. "What was it, exactly, that Hiei said to you?"
"'You know I can't use my youki now. Because you broke your promise, because
Kurama is here, and he remembers me, because if his youki senses mine.' And
then he stopped."
"What does that mean, 'He remembers'? Remembers what?" Botan muttered.
"I'm not sure yet. Go on, Yusuke. What came next?"
"Uh, 'You said it was done, that Kurama had forgotten. I won't be able to stop
him. If he comes after me, and I release my youki, he will.' Stop."
Genkai's frown deepened.
"Both times, Hiei has refused to say what I'll do to him if he releases his
youki. Yusuke, one time when you spoke to him, he said that I would kill him if
I found him. Isn't that right?"
Yusuke nodded. "Yeah, he said you'd drown him."
"And he was angry because you didn't keep your promise to kill him."
"That's what he said. 'Finally dead.'"
Kurama flinched, but kept talking. "We can therefore assume that whatever Hiei
anticipates I would do to him if he releases his youki is something he thinks
of as being worse than death."
"And what might that be?" Kuwabara muttered.
Kurama sat on the tatami. "Hiei wasn't upset talking about his own death. He
had planned for Yusuke to kill him. He spoke freely about being killed, about
dying, multiple times."
"True."
Kurama looked down at the paper in his hands. "He clearly is not afraid of
dying. He never has been. But he couldn't bring himself to say what I would do
to him if he releases his youki." He paused. In a lower voice, he said, "I know
with certainty that Hiei never speaks about things he that make him
uncomfortable or afraid. He cannot bring himself to say them."
Genkai watched him.
Kurama put the page on the table. "As if acknowledging them will make them come
true."
Botan touched Kurama's shoulder. "Kurama…"
Everyone watched him with varying expressions of sympathy. Genkai picked up her
cup and sipped her tea.
"So he's afraid of you, not because you'll kill him, but because of something
you'll do if he releases his youki. His current plan is to get stronger and run
away," Yusuke said.
Kurama nodded.
"And how do we find out what he thinks will happen if he releases his youki?
I'm supposed to already know so I can't just ask, and if Hiei is too frightened
to discuss it-"
Genkai cleared her throat. "Kurama."
He looked up. "Yes?"
"You said Hiei said you'd kill him."
"Yes." Kurama picked up the paper. "In the first conversation he had with
Yusuke. 'He'll drown me. Though I already was expecting to die.'" He put the
paper back on the table.
"So Hiei said you would drown him."
"Yes."
"He didn't say you would kill him. He said that you would drown him, and he
would die."
Kurama frowned. "That's true, but if I'm the one who drowns him and then he
dies, is it not the same thing?"
"Strange that he specified drowning." Genkai lifted her tea.
"Yes, it is strange. Hiei isn't afraid of water."
"What do you think that means then?" She sipped her tea.
Kurama frowned. "I'm not sure. Something must have happened in the Territory to
make him certain that that's how I would kill him. A river, a lake… I don't
know. I can think of nothing in our shared history that makes sense." He
paused. "But in order for him to fear water in the Territory, he'd had to have
already had an extant fear of water, which doesn't resonate to me."
The cup clicked on the tray as Genkai set it down. She peered at Kurama, eyes
hard. "During the Tournament."
"Yes?"
"After your battle with Ura Urashima. That night."
Kurama blinked, and then his face turned a vivid shade of red. "What about it?"
Yusuke and Kuwabara exchanged a confused stare.
"What was it you did to Hiei?"
Kurama looked away. "It wasn't… what I did to him as much as it was what we…
did together." He shoved his hands back in his pockets. "And I don't see how
that's relevant to-"
Genkai raised her chin. "You would call it a 'devouring,' wouldn't you? Wasn't
that one of your epithets as Youko Kurama? 'Devourer'?"
Botan snapped her fingers. "Oh! That night! It was after you became Youko for
the first time during the Tournament!"
Kurama didn't move. "Y-yes." His eyes darted at Genkai's before looking away
again. "I didn't realize you knew. About… that."
Kuwabara mouthed 'what' at Yusuke, who shrugged.
Genkai snorted. "Everyone in a five mile radius knew."
Kurama muttered something unintelligible under his breath, face flushing even
further.
Genkai raised her head. "I have heard there are regional differences in the way
the youkai of the Youmakai speak, isn't that right? Based on region and level
and so on. Correct?"
Kurama frowned at her. "Yes, but-"
"Language changes through the years, in the human realms and in Makai. Hiei is
much younger than you are. He spent his earliest years among people very
different from the ones you associated with, in places far from areas where you
dwelled. The way Hiei speaks is quite distinct from the way you speak now, or
even as you spoke when you lived as Youko, wouldn't you agree?"
Kurama stared at her. "What are-"
Genkai's eyes narrowed. "Couldn't it be then that what you call 'devour' is
what Hiei calls 'drown'?"
Kurama's face turned white.
Chapter End Notes
     Y'all, I am so excited to finish this. The sequel is ready and done,
     and I've been so happy with the response I've received so far. Thank
     you for sticking through until now, and we'll move forward onto
     hopefully sunnier pastures soon. <3
***** Chapter 19 *****
Chapter Summary
     Explanations are given and understandings are reached.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"Hey, Kurama, are you alright?"
"Say something!"
"Botan, go get some water or something!"
"Right!"
Yusuke and Kuwabara leaned into his vision, staring down at him.
He ignored them.
We never talked after.
I never heard him talk about it.
I didn't know he'd call it a drowning.
Hiei!
He covered his face with his hands.
After Urashima, his youki became mine, as mine became his.
It was something he wanted. Something I wanted. A beginning. A formal
recognition of what we already knew to be true.
Hiei!
It was a devouring, but I wouldn't-
I'd never-
In Hiei's Territory, I must have forced my youki into him.
He accepted it once, so after that, I would have been able to-
Kurama cringed.
"Kurama?"
The Kurama in the Territory gave him reason to fear I'd devour him to the point
of his own death.
That's why he holds his youki back.
They must have done something to me there, in Hiei's Territory… Dream flower
pollen, to make that Kurama forget what he'd done, to keep Hiei safe from him?
Safe from me?
Safe from the monster that had-
"Kurama?"
He thought of Hiei, his face turned up to him in adoration, but also the fear
there that made Kurama's head dizzy and his blood sing. He had felt the supreme
responsibility placed upon him by Hiei's trust: Kurama gave all of himself
willingly to Hiei, promising to use his power as a stronger youkai to protect
him, just as Hiei accepted that protection. From that point forward, Hiei could
draw on him, use Kurama's youki and life as if they were his own, and Kurama
had relished the feeling of Hiei under his skin. Their youki were entwined,
black flame on white waves, white clouds of black lightning. Kurama had never
felt so alive, at least not for the past century.
And I've failed him.
I'm the very one who-
Who…
He was afraid of me.
Terrified!
I hurt him!
Hiei!
'You're a monster, Kurama, in human skin. You don't deserve to live.'
Kurama began to cry.
 
——
 
Hiei looked up, startled.
Somewhere, not far, Kurama raged.
He shouldn't have been able to feel it, as deeply buried as his youki was. But
waves of fury and wrath pulsed through Hiei's blood as surely as if they came
from Hiei himself.
He shrank into a little ball.
 
——
 
"Get out of my way, Yusuke!"
"You need to calm down!"
"I don't want to hurt you, but I will if you don't move!"
"Remember what Koenma said! Youkai cannot kill humans in-"
"I don't care what Koenma says! I don't care what the whole of Reikai says!"
"Kurama-"
"Touch me again, Kuwabara, and I'll-"
"Kurama, you can't!"
"Get out of my way, Yusuke!" Kurama's voice broke. "You have… no idea what he's
put Hiei through!"
"This isn't the way to handle this!"
"Do you have any idea what he's made me do to Hiei?!"
"We need to-"
"What he made Hiei think I did to him?!"
Yusuke faltered. "Kurama, listen-"
Kurama laughed, horrified. "Do you understand?" His hands fell by his sides.
"He'll never… I'll… After what he suffered at my hands?!"
"Kurama, Hiei is alive and-"
"I'll never touch him again!" Kurama swayed. "If he had killed Hiei, he would
not have taken him so far from me!" He sank to his knees, sobbing.
Yusuke and Kuwabara stared down at him, chests heaving.
"Kurama, listen. We all know what Higashiyama has done was wrong and all of us
want to see him suffer. It's just not your right to decide what happens to
him."
"Hiei is my partner," Kurama whispered into his hands.
"Yes, and-"
"No, Yusuke." Kurama looked up, eyes bright and wet and furious. "My partner.
Were I still Youko, I'd be asking him to be my mate." He bared his teeth. "Were
you listening at all to what Genkai said?!"
Yusuke blanched. "Uh-"
"I devoured him, Yusuke!" Kurama wiped the tears from his cheeks. "Hiei is my
mate! Do you understand?"
"I'm, uh, beginning to, yeah," Yusuke murmured.
"Good." Kurama stood shakily. "Then you understand. Move."
Yusuke shook his head. "Kurama-"
"Do not assume to put the laws of the human realm or Reikai on me, Yusuke,"
Kurama snarled. "Hiei is my mate, and by every custom of the Youmakai, I have
every fucking right to do whatever the fuck I want to Higashiyama." His eyes
hardened. "Now get out of my fucking way."
Kuwabara took a step forward. "Kurama, okay, I get that Hiei is your, uh, mate-
"
"Now, Yusuke! Move!"
"He won't be your fucking mate if you're strung up in Reikai's jails!"
"Do you think I care?!" Kurama laughed.
Yusuke and Kuwabara flinched. They exchanged a glance.
"I'll never touch him again," Kurama hissed. He looked down at his open hands.
"Higashiyama has seen to that more assuredly than all else. He may as well have
already killed me. With what he's… what he's done to Hiei… Hiei would rather I
be dead. Hiei wants me dead." He gave Yusuke a mocking smile even as more tears
fell. "If Hiei wants me dead, what reason have I to live?"
"Kurama-"
"Why do you think Genkai isn't here, helping you stop me?" Kurama said softly.
"Because she knows full well that she has no right to interfere. You, on the
other hand, mazoku or no, have no idea what you're involving yourself in."
Yusuke watched him for a long moment.
Kurama met his eyes.
"Kurama, Hiei needs you."
Kurama flinched, almost imperceptibly. "Yes, but he will never let me help him
again."
"Kurama-"
"Most likely Hiei would rather die than be near me, Yusuke." Kurama's voice
cracked. "H-he'd rather… I-I c-can't… I w-won't…"
"But that's now, Kurama. He just woke up! He's scared. He's hurt. But you
learned it wasn't real, and he'll learn too." Yusuke shook his head. "You don't
hate Hiei for what Higashiyama put you through. You gotta know that Hiei-"
"I know Hiei better than you ever will, Yusuke," Kurama said softly. "What we
had is gone. He can know all he needs to know about Higashiyama and the past
month but it will have no effect on the fact that he… that he… that I…" Kurama
swallowed back tears.
Kuwabara took a half-step forward. "Hiei won't understand if you aren't here.
He-"
Kurama wiped his tears away. "Kuwabara, if you don't get out of my way, I will
be forced hurt you."
Yusuke's eyes narrowed; he and Kuwabara fell into defensive stances.
Kurama's hand lifted to his hair, and he pulled forth a single black, wrinkled
seed. "Do you see this?"
Yusuke and Kuwabara eyed him warily.
"This is the Tree of Sins. Surely you remember Toguro the Younger?" Kurama
rolled it between his fingers, and it sprouted, long black tendrils reaching
out. He watched it, eyes distressingly dark, face blank. He rolled his hand and
the seed's fresh roots wrapped tight around his fingers.
"Kurama, no!"
"When I put this seed on Higashiyama and give it enough of my youki to grow, it
will envelop him and dig its roots into his skin. It will feed off his blood,
but also his fear. It will take all his terrors, all his nightmares, and it
will feed them right into his brain." Kurama smiled. "Seems fitting to kill
Higashiyama with it, wouldn't you say?"
"Kurama, you can't!"
"Just like one of his own Territories, Higashiyama will not be able to escape
his fears." Kurama caressed one of the plant's already-thickening roots with
his other hand. "He will suffer, and continue to suffer, until my little tree
has fed off all the fear and blood it can. And then, only then, Higashiyama
will die." Kurama smiled again. It didn't reach his eyes. "Only he won't have
the ability to escape via suicide. No, Higashiyama will suffer."
"Kurama, you need to-"
Kurama straightened. "No. No more words. Higashiyama hurt my Hiei. Get out of
my way or get ready to fight. I will not stop until Higashiyama gets what he
deserves." His eyes were dark even as tears began to fall again. "If you want
to stop me, you'll need to kill me. But this ends. Now."
Yusuke spread his fists. "No. You've got to stand down. Hiei needs you, and I'm
not gonna be the one to tell him we had kill you, Kurama. No one has to die."
Kurama ignored him as he put the black seedling back under his hair; in the
same movement, he drew down a rose from his hair. "Then you'd best get out of
my way, because I have no such qualms." He raised his chin. "One last chance.
Get the fuck out of my way."
 
——
 
Hiei swung his feet off the side of the bed. The light of sunset filtered
through the window.
Earlier, there had been crashing, fighting, somewhere else in the complex. Then
a long and eerie silence.
He couldn't feel Kurama's anger anymore.
The sooner I get strong, the sooner I can go.
Away.
'You'd be alone again, wouldn't you? Yes. You would be. No one will ever love
you as completely as I do, Hiei. Remember that.'
'Just another worthless youkai, destined to live a short, pointless life.'
"Hiei?"
He looked up. Yusuke had slid the door open just wide enough for his head to
poke through.
"Can I talk to you?"
Hiei frowned. "What?"
Yusuke slipped in, sliding the door shut behind him. He stood by the door.
"What's happened?" Hiei glared at him. "Kurama was angry."
"Yeah." Yusuke looked him over. "Hiei, do you remember… the Territory-user?"
'Without him, what reason have I to live?'
Hiei frowned. "The one that manipulated perception."
"That's the one." Yusuke looked up; something steeled in his face. "Hiei, he
doesn't manipulate perception," he said flatly.
Hiei's eyes narrowed.
"His name is Higashiyama. His Territories form inside other people. His ability
takes the experiences and feelings of his victims and traps them in a world
designed with information supplied by their own memories."
"Is that different than manipulating perception?"
Yusuke swallowed. "Yes."
Hiei snorted. Despair made his throat tight. "At this point, does it matter?"
"Yes, Hiei, it does. Very much so." Yusuke's eyes had that strong singular
focus he usually only had in battle.
The hair on the back of Hiei's neck rose. "Why… What are you talking about?"
"We're starting to realize that Territory ability is always strongly related to
a person's proclivities, their intentions, their personality. This is true of
Higashiyama, just as it's true of Kaito, Yana and Kido too. With Higashiyama,
his mother was in the hospital for an ongoing illness starting a few years ago.
Last year, his brother was killed in a car accident."
"So?"
"Higashiyama knew his mother was dying. And he knew that her suffering would
grow a hundredfold if she knew her youngest son had been killed. So Higashiyama
didn't tell her. He swore the staff to secrecy. He brought her letters he had
written in his brother's name to keep up the lie. When his mother died a few
months later, she had never learned of his brother's death, and died wishing
her two sons long and happy lives."
Hiei's eyes narrowed.
"He wanted his mother to live in a world that didn't exist, Hiei."
"Why should I care what humans do?"
Yusuke watched him. "When Higashiyama has a victim in his Territory, he doesn't
control what's happening, and he actually doesn't even know what's going on.
His ability takes on the fears or joys of his victim's life and creates a
world, be it hell or paradise, inside the body of the victim. Outside of the
Territory, the victim appears to be sleeping peacefully, but that has no
bearing on what's happening inside."
"Why do you keep referring to him as alive? I killed him after he caught
Kurama."
"Hiei, Higashiyama isn't dead."
Hiei's eyes narrowed. "Then there are two. I killed the one who attacked Kurama
and I."
Yusuke held his breath. He looked to the side, thinking. "Hiei…" He sighed.
"The Territory-user you and Kurama went after, which Kaito guided you to in
that park, who caught both of you… his name is Higashiyama. He's alive, but
unconscious. In a… coma, I guess. He's here, in Genkai's complex."
"You're wrong. There have to be two of them. The one Kurama and I went after
never caught me because of the Jagan." Hiei clenched his fists. "I killed him
for what he did to Kurama."
Yusuke watched him for a long moment. "Alright, we can… talk about that later.
But first, I need you to understand how his ability works."
Hiei snarled. "Don't try and change the-"
"Higashiyama's ability uses his victim's own memories and knowledge to create a
world that exists only for them, and in that world the only things that can
happen are those the victim could imagine happening. Things that victim doesn't
believe in, like… alien invasions or whatever, wouldn't be able to happen,
because the Territory needs their thoughts and memories to work. And it's a
full world."
Yusuke crossed his arms.
"Stuff happens around the victim without their input. So if the victim knows
that a friend is likely to go to school certain days of the week, in the
Territory that friend goes to school, whether the victim is there or even knows
about it or not. Stuff like that. It's… a really powerful ability. He creates a
whole world."
Yusuke sighed.
"A… clever person might realize that the people they meet inside that world
never say anything they didn't already know. Hard facts, like science or dates
and history. Stuff like that. That same clever person might discover that
nothing outside of the world they've actually seen exists, so trying to go
somewhere they've never been would be impossible."
Hiei rolled his eyes. "Are you going to make a point with this irrelevancy?"
"Yes. Direct line of sight is all he needs to set his ability on someone, and
it only takes a moment. If Higashiyama likes his victim, the Territory takes
the form of a paradise. All their dreams come true. They have everything
they've ever wanted. Nothing goes wrong. A charmed world," Yusuke growled.
"He's done this to several of the terminal patients in his mother's hospital
ward. Their bodies fall into comas, and they experience the rest of their lives
in perfect bliss." Yusuke's eyes darkened. "The degree of Higashiyama's feeling
towards the person determines the intensity of the Territory. So Higashiyama
doesn't particularly like the person, it wouldn't be as bad as if, for example,
he was afraid for his life because someone warned him he was going to be hunted
down and murdered. In that case, he creates hell."
A creeping nausea began to take root in Hiei's core.
"A hell of all their worst fears. A living nightmare."
A living nightmare…?
Hiei looked down at his hands.
At the bruises on his wrists and arms.
"Yusuke," he whispered. "Yusuke, what-"
Yusuke leaned against the doorframe. "The thing is though… the victim doesn't
know they're in a Territory. They suffer, endlessly, one pain after another.
Everything they've ever feared comes true. Small things, big things: it doesn't
matter. The Territory intends to go through all the victim's fears, in no
particular order, so the suffering doesn't end. Ever. They can be tortured,
beaten, stabbed a hundred times. The Territory has a single rule: only by
taking their own lives can a victim escape. In the negative Territories, the
victims eventually… break down. They kill themselves."
The knot in Hiei's stomach tightened.
No.
No, this…
This can't…
"And when the victim does manage to kill themselves inside the Territory, their
body outside dies as well."
Hiei's hands were shaking. "Why are you telling me this?" he hissed.
"Despite the rules, we know of two other ways the victim can escape.
Higashiyama sleeping or losing consciousness doesn't break the Territories once
they've been set. But if he, say, were to be treated with a poison made from
rare plants harvested in Youmakai that put him into something like a coma,
well, that does break the Territories. All of them." Yusuke paused. "I guess if
he dies that would also probably work."
Rare plants…?
"The other way is if the victim can rationalize their way out of the Territory,
such as realizing that their own knowledge was being parroted back to them."
Yusuke gave him a hard stare. "Like I said, it would take an exceptionally
clever person to realize that something was wrong. He'd push Higashiyama's
ability to its limits. The Territory's intention is to continue, so it becomes
a contest as to who will win: the victim or the Territory. Once the Territory
loses its ability to convince the victim of its reality, it breaks."
Hiei shook his head. "No, I-I don't-"
Yusuke leaned forward. "That clever person would need to have such unshakeable
faith in the people he loves and trusts to know that what he was experiencing
couldn't possibly be true."
Hiei stared at him.
Yusuke straightened.
Hiei felt a tell-tale sharpness in the corner of his eyes.
Yusuke nodded. "Okay." He turned around.
"Yusuke!"
Yusuke looked over his shoulder.
"Wh-why are you saying this?" Hiei whispered.
No.
No!
No!!
He felt hirui stones roll down his cheeks. "I-I d-don't… Why?" he whispered.
"Why are you s-saying this?"
Yusuke's eyes narrowed. He looked down at the hirui stones pooling in Hiei's
lap. "Because it's not perception like we had originally thought, there's no
transition. That odd feeling we all had entering Kaito's Territory or Kido's…
that doesn't happen. Higashiyama sets the Territory inside the victim's body,
and they never know. Once inside…" Yusuke turned back to the door.
"Higashiyama's victim has no idea when the Territory has even taken affect.
They think they're continuing on with their lives, that nothing's happened.
They're completely unaware they're in a different world, while the people who
love them have to watch over their bodies, knowing full well they suffer
unbearable pains, unable to save them." Yusuke sighed. He glanced at Hiei over
his shoulder, slid the door open, and stepped out into the hall.
 
——
 
Yusuke rested his hand on Kurama's head, pausing for a moment to give him a
soft and knowing nod, and walked away. Kurama, his youki held tight within his
chest, slid down the wall. He pressed his hands tight against his mouth,
sobbing without a sound.
I'm sorry, Hiei…
He heard Hiei's gasping, screaming cries.
I'm so sorry.
Chapter End Notes
     Whew!
     Thank you so much for reading through! This was a really great
     experience and I'm really looking forward to sharing more. I have a
     couple shorter pieces in the works, and, of course, the sequel(s) to
     this.
     Again, thank you for reading!
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