Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1768561.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Hange_Zoë/Levi
  Character:
      Hange_Zoë, Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Erwin_Smith
  Additional Tags:
      Minor_Levi/Petra_Ral
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-06-11 Updated: 2014-09-14 Chapters: 6/? Words: 30680
****** The life of a soldier ******
by Doka
Summary
     That´s my own vision of Hange´s past since her joining in the army
     until the fall of the walls.
  This work was inspired by
      La_vida_de_un_soldado by Doka shibichan
***** Beginning *****
Disclaimer: Snk belongs to Hajime Isayama. This fic was written one year ago
(in spanish) and now I am going to translate chapter by chapter to english. I
hope you like my version of Hanji´s past (and also Erwin´s and Rivaille´s)
before the fall of the wall.
English is not my first language, so I apologize for the possible mistakes.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
She still remembered the pain of the burn on her skin. Over her, the scars were
still perceived. She only could see milky colour, how if it has snowed. She
hated all this purity and the antiseptic appearance of the hospitals. From her
arm sprouted a tiny tube that kept her alive. And she also hated to feel so
useless. Couldn´t cry, couln´t irritate, that´s was all what she receive just
for living in a cruel world.
With only 7 years old, Hanji Zoe had had the horrible experience of seeing her
fathers dissapear from her life. Due to collect staff for a field research. But
for Hanji, it seemed just a way to decimate the population for avoinding the
famine.
The fateful day came. There was an attack against the camp where she have been
designed to live next to other families. They were so hungry and exhausted that
barely could run. It started a fire where they kept the gunpowder for the
cannons. People ran away terrified while the flame extended cleverly.
The young girl looked everywhere looking for theys parents. Where were them?
Why weren´t they looking for her? Instinctively, she run towards the fire, just
for making sure they weren´t looking for her in that troublesome zone. She felt
how ulcers began to appear on her skin.
It hurt too much. A man pushed throwing her to the ground. Another woman
stepped on her arm. She try to sit up but the pain in the arm was too intense.
She felt a little flame scratching her skin. Her legs didn´t respond, being
grabbed for the embers. She was begining to lose consciousness when she heard a
strong neigh.
The horse stopped a few metres from her. A soldier had left the group of
investigation for helping the citizens going away. He picked up her and mounted
in his horse carrying her quickly from there.
[Erwin rescuing Hange]
Hardly any words on her throad, she managed her sigth up ready to see the face
of her rescuer. He was a young boy. Maybe 17 years old, blond hair and blue
eyes. No dude, a newly graduate. And he risked his life for saving her?
Withouth realizing, her eyes burst into tears. Drowsiness of her upper
extremities didn´t allow her to hide her face, covered with blood and mud. So
pathetic she was, she had no clue about her parents, and also didn´t know why
she had to suffer that. Only could leave that the frustration of those fateful
days flowed across her eye sockets.
He noticed it and wrapped her thightly aganist his chest, comforting her. Until
she lost conciouness. Her eyes didn´t open again until lots of time later, in a
room which wasn´t her own enclosed of purity and immaculate furniture.
She stayed in that hospital hour after hour. Day after day. Month after month.
Year after year.
Every weeks, on the boy´s days off, he went to visit her. There was something
different on him, but she liked it, he never gave her toys or dolls how any
other adult would have done. Just books. Loads of them. He want she grew being
wisdom and smart. Just wanted she could manage by herself withouth needing an
adult.
After some time, she understood what happened to her parents. According to the
squads which were there to help the citizens, they run on the opposite
direction and nobody saw them never more. If they were alive or dead ….... was
a mistery. She just only could think that they left her in the lurch. Since
that day abandoned any smile on her face. Even though, it was something she has
never needed.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
After 2 years, the little Zoe began to leave her warn nine years old. At last,
she has been released from that hospital. The excesive purity and cleanliness
riled her. Because of being an orphan, she had to live in a orphanage until 18.
That was all she had. Her only option.
That idea didn´t pleased her at all. Then, considered another option. During
those years she had hated the army for obly her to leave her home. Her family,
her quiet and calm life. Everything. But..... if she joined the army she could
live there and being next to the young corporal who saved her. That one she
admired so....
“It is a total madness!!” interrupted “They won´t admit somebody so young
between their ranks. The minimun age for joining is 13, Hanji. You know it, if
you want to join, wait a pair of year more”.
“Erwin, I don´t want to be a white elephant anymore. All those years in the
hospital I understood what I want to do. I know it seems imposible, but...... I
am pretty sure you must now a way to help to enter”
“B-but.......... I don´t want you be in danger” the girl stared at him withouth
winking. There was no doubt about her words. “Maybe... there is a solution. If
they see that your knowledges can be interesting to develop, could accept you”
“Like... an exam?” asked focusing her eyes hardly.
“Y-yes. The government always needs inteligent pawns who know how perform
scandalous manoeuvres” muttered while caressed the rebellious lock of hair of
her fringe “Although, It ´d mean to humiliate being their puppet, are you
capable to do it?”
“I prefer this than rotting here inside”.
There was no needing to think about that and took that test withouth further
delay. To prove her worth, refuted constanly the old theorys about titan´s
clasification, even naming some class more recently discovered, which had
anormals abilites.
The jury who heard her investigations was surprised for the wisely of the
little girl, didn´t doubt to accept her in the army. She has enough abilities
to became one of their toys. And also to became one of their dangerous enemies,
it was better to carry her on their own interests. She was awareness of that
fact, but didn´t matter about that. Wasn´t that what she would have to live if
she stayed inside? Outside she could inhale the authentic aroma of the fresh
grass, the stagnant rainwater. She didn´t mind have no chilhood. Didn´t need
it. She has already lost it on that fire.
When still remained some days for her joining between the troops, so temporaly
she has been trasladed to he room where rest her good friend, Erwin Smith. Of
course, nobody should know it. strict rules on the army prohibited to live with
females. Stupid rules with no sense.
That day, as other nights, she got in bed ready to read a new book, but several
minutes later her eyes began to itch. The writing were blurry. Shade. Fatigue
maybe.
No doubt, her sight has been damaged with the embers which reached her skin,
and reading just only became it worse. Resigned, she went to bed withouth read.
The young cadet, who was looking at her at that moment, noticed her problem and
thougth about how bothersome it would be for her. Smiled and caressed her head
while thinking in a pleasant solution.
The joining day, Erwin gave her first pair of glasses. Simple, with the lens
sligthly rounded and no frame. Possibly they belonged to any other person
because didn´t fit her head, instead of this, they were ligthly big.
Filled by happiness, hastened to try on, but, when she run to look on the
mirror, she noticed they moved too much. That could became a gross problem in
the training. Cleverly she tied some leather scrunchies and joined among them
getting a robes perfectly interweaved which hold to her head withouth moving.
No more fear for that, they weren´t going to fall. She was ready to be one
more, an authentic soldier.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Dust and sand, that would be all her company during the years which last the
training. Nothing more than dust and sand.
Meanwhile she walked towards the queue of the new troops, she realized about
she was much more younger than most of them, being severals years younger than
the majority. But maybe, thanks to her prominent height, she could conceal that
fact.
For her, the uniform seemd incredible, covering completely all the scars which
had not yet disappear, and never would. She tied up her hair. She had let it
grow, but now shorter would be more confortable. She placed her glases and
adjusted to her head.
She was ready, anything more should delay her. With that thougtht on her mind,
she reached her queue. The ceremony was boring. Couldn´t stop yawning facing
the poorly capacity of the instructors for motivanting their future soldiers.
But also, didn´t seem really interested on that, only sheeps which would die
soon. Rigth after, sharing out the barracks.
First, women. She was afraid about the idea of sharing room with older girls,
who could mock of her youth. Began to share out one by one. First the older
recruits and managing those who behave a rich descent, enough important as for
going ahead the others. Having their future already decided. And finally, the
last one, the furthest. Who would be her new roomates? But, once she reached
the platform they only gave her a big bag and waited for the rest.
Just only another woman more appeared. A young girl with silver hair who also
wore googles. No name more. They would be the only women in that team. Almost
could laugh until one´s side ache thinking on that. But she wasn´t amazed.
Half of mankind feared go out, and the other half were sick or hungry. Barely
there were enough brave people as for risking to die horribly during what
remains of their lives.
Some of them dreamed with being heroes. Others just only wanted to live
sheltered and have food. Most of them wanted to get a promotion for living
comfortably and withouth worrying. But her....... only a though bother her
head.
“Live to be free”
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Her new roomate, called Riko Brzenska, was a girl with almost 13 and occidental
features. Exactly as quiet and serious as her, which for the little Zoe was
fantastic. No need of comunication between them.
She hasn´t joined there for making friends, didn´t need their company. During
the nigths, ligthed the oil lamp which was next to her bed and learnt all
things that, because of her poverty, couldn´t before. The time was necesary,
and wouldn´t waste it.
Days passed and practices were every day harder. The harness was too tight on
her torax causing severe abrasions on her little breasts, which had began to
grow.
With sacrifice and exhaustion, passed the first month. Her roomate showed
especially fed-up cause of her glasses. During first weeks they broke
constantly, those acrobatics manoeuvres were a pain in the ass if you need help
to see. The crystal wasn´t resistant enough and, besides that, fall off easily.
Too many time going to the training withouth seeing practically anything. Every
day she passed with them, finish trowing out them abruptness on the basket.
Hanji noticed it and explained her about the simple and witty gadget she has
invented to alleviate this weakness. During the time she had been there, had
developed another type of glasses with a stronger frame round the lenses for
avoiding suffering too much hits.
Both, gathered enough rejected harnesses. Maybe belonged to some casualties on
any mission. wasn´t anything that should worry them. Just needed the material,
under the yoke where they lived, coerce for being reserved was something
unnecesary.
“Woah, Zoe. You are a genious. I am not surprissed why you were accepted so
young” a panic wave dealed her bones.
She didn´t thougth that her short age could have broke into the squad. Probably
would lose the respect of all of them if they found out.
“You knew it?”
“All us knew it. But it is forbidden to comment under any circunstance. For
them you are a promising soldier and we musn´t disturb you. By the way...”
began to talk while walking towards her bed “Maybe this will be useful for
you.....soon....”
Half-closed her eyes with curiosity and observed that her roomate offered her,
a kind of cloth really clean.
“What´s supossed I have to do with....?”
“Don´t worry. I´ll be with you when happens and will explain you all you must
now. Now is not necesary you think about that”
“Understood” lied withouth understand too much yet “In any event, Riko, there´s
something I wanted to ask you. Doesn´t it hurt your chest cause of the
fastening? I have wounds for that”
“Of course.... But....you are still growing, must be worse for you. You should
ask for any tipe of shirt tights for avoiding that pression. It could deform
your chest if you continue on that way. With a new and tight shirt surely your
chest won´t grow so much but.....Is that anything you really mind?”
She thought on that for a moment, if she bandaged her chest while it was still
growing, would grow less than should, to be flat. But, did it really matter?
Wasn´t important. Why would she want to have big boobs? Just only other
obstacle for her formation.
Months passed by, and bit by bit met the rest of the promotion. She didn´t know
that never come back to see the majority of them. Most of the graduates of her
generation would died barely cross the walls for the first time. She would be
one of the few survivors.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Graduation. Her heigth was appreciabily tall for her age. Her breasts had any
new growth as concecuence of the opressing shirt. And her mind was more bright.
She got to be in the top ten. So she could choose the troop she want to join.
If she chose the military police, would live the rest of her life withouth any
worrying. Maybe drinking, playing and eating exquisites until she died cause of
coronary thrombosis.
But no, she made out, through the lens in front of her eyes, where she wanted
to go. The reflect of the sun on them and the mist cause of the warm morning
couldn´t hide her authentic aim.
She traveled in time, 5 years to the past. That young soldier, the badges on
his arms were two wings crossed. Inspiring and encouraging.
The survey corps was known for the lacking number of suicidals who joined them.
That just guaranteed a foreseable death. But she knew that standing behind the
walls couldn´t neither help anybody nor surmise the mystery behind that
colossal and sickly figures. Nor be able to revenge her parents.
When she entered in the recon corps, she found herself in a familiar situation:
she was the only new woman on those troops. Her old friend Riko, had decided to
join the stationary guard. No doubt, a few psychopatic joined hers.
And that mission that would change all. Her mind, her previous thougths, that
strange day. She had been half and a year in that division. She was directed
under the command of a leader. She departed next her dear and old friend Erwin,
who now held a powerfull position as a squad leader. His abilities have let him
fly high.
And surely, still higher.
They reached the settled zone. It was the first time she saw that misterious
forest with colossal threes. Until now, she only could explore in regions close
the walls. Prevention for trainees, it was all the explanations she received
from her superior.
Boring, really boring. Barely had the chance to split her enemies and stare at
them stoically behind that odd halo of smoke.
Separating her troop, began to explore the zone, attacking all the titans she
found on her way. Can kill those powerfull figures make her liberating still
more her rage held back. Obviously, she knew that her anger shouldn´t be
expoussed so quicly, but her thirst for blood roared on her veins. And, failed
the cut, cutting the head of the titan withouth attacking its weak spot. The
head fell to the ground makind a muffled sound. The body fell following the
head.
Perplexed, she descended down the threes until reaching the zone. She had to
cut that weak spot fastly or it would regenerate. One of the hook of her wires
dropped making her fall over the head and making it move.
“Eh?” the touch when she fell over the head was unusual, and it seemed strange
to her that her little body could have generate any type of movement on it.
Withouth expecting any type of reaction she hit gently the base with her leg.
It moved again. Charged by curiosity and disdain, kicked it with lots of
strength, making it flying out.
It was so weird. Come back to shoot the hooks and repeat that experiement some
times more. The same result. Why were they so light?
She searched in her pocket for a worn-down notebook. Grabbed a tiny lead of
pencil and wrote about this new discovery. Strident noise of a cannon
interrupted her thoughts.
Time to come back, and she had to fasten joining her group. In the middle of
the way she met his old friend. When she prepared to talk, he gave her a sound
slap.
“Zoe, you can´t move away your mates. It´s still more dangerous to confront the
titans alone than in a team” she lowered her ashamed face for desobeying the
orders “By all ways,” changed the subject when saw the mortified expression of
her “I am glad you are okey. You are the only female member in that sector,
besides of being the youngest and I was worried about something could happened
to you”
“I can take care of myself very well. I killed 5 titans with no help, in
addition....” remembered that instant minutes before.
“What happen?”
“Erwin... when I kicked the head of that titan it flew up as it didn´t weigh
anything. It was ... amazing! Do you think there´s some reason for that?”
suggested a huge and emotive smile “Do you believe that its gaseous composition
is that generate all the smoke? For that reason always appear suddenly? Or
maybe...?”
Erwin looked at her surprissed while she summarised about she had just
discovered with loads of happiness. She had already gone out in expeditions
before, although never to that conflictive area. Allways they kill a titan, she
showed that dreadful expresion on her face and eyes. But now, the girl who was
standing next to him, just smiled.
“Wow, you finally smile. I was waiting for so long to see your smile” how many
time had he met her? 5, 6 years maybe? 7? It was a so distant memory that he
couldn´t imagine the angst that supossed rear next to a child who didn´t show
emotions.
Hanji blushed instanly. Yes, she had decided to get away all emotions from her
face, get away all femininity from her personality, just to dedicate enterely
to the investigation. Although she had to regconize that, can progress in the
figth for mankind made her happy.
The man caressed her head in signal of approval. Since he rescued her, that man
had became her platonic relationship. She knew perfectly, that her for him was
just a child, so never made illusions. He awakenend her the power of the
personal growth and the constant efforment. For her was enough seeing his big
and kind smile.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Years passed by with no rest, taking part each time more in investigation
works. Regarding how all her mates die. Those who entered with her, old
recruits, new ones. There wasn´t anything on her hands she could do for
avoiding all those deaths.
It was so exasperating not finding any type of tactic to progress. The world
was getting complicated. Could feel that each thing she learnt lead her to
discover still more concepts. But never enough.
With 16, while glancing over some books on her captain´s office, somebody
knocked the door. It was required to report the squad leader about a young
cadet who would join the next days to the ranks.
She has heard about him. In only a month and a half, could be fluent in the 3D
gear, so his training stopped immediately and proceeded to instruct him in more
interesting tactics. Another puppet for the army.
An arm like this couldn´t be wasted between the inexperienced cadets. The
process of desicion about where would finish that soldier had been incredibly
arduous. The boy, apparently, had some criminal records. Robery, fraud,
assaults, verbal agressions. Even, some still more serious.
He abandoned the institution which cared him with barely 12 and had perpetrated
large robberys for surviving. And the last of them had been the enough serious
as for be sent to join the ranks, with the objetive of being modelled on their
ideal and discipline him. He was thoroughly known for everybody for the day of
his enrolement . When the instructor asked him about his distric origins, he
refused to answer and kicked the instructor on his inner thigh. On this way he
earned the respect and the fear of the rest of the troop.
For that reason, for being so terribly troublesome, they weren´t sure about if
he would obey when it was necessary. So the final desicion was posted him to
the survey corps. At least, or that was what the high autorities thought, if he
kill on or two titans on his way even if he didn´t obbey orders, he wouldn´t be
so useless.
Of course, squad leaders seemed reluctant to had him on their units. The only
one with enough courage to accept him was Erwin Smith. Hanji was a bit
uncomfortable facing the idea of having between her mates somebody so
troublesome and dangerous.
“Well” cleared his throat interrupting her thoughts “Tomorrow I have to pick up
this dodgy boy. Shall you go with me?
“O-of course, I´m dying for seeing that famous <mankind´s arm>”
“I am pleased for hearing that, because of the increased number of members, you
will see yourself forced to share barrack with him”.
“What?” actually she was de only woman who lived in that powdery barrack. Some
women had joined her troop during the years he had been at the service of the
army. Nevertheless, most of them had died and another certain percentage had
given up that squad. Now she was living alone in that huge living space.
“Don´t worry, I will move miself to that place. It´s just that, despite that
our unities are not very larges, we forced the soldiers to live under low
conditions. If I continue increasing the numbers of cadets in the same rooms,
their quality of life could be seriously affected, and as a consecuence, their
efficiency in the battle”
Hanji was perplexed facing the rational thought of her superior. No doubt,
oblying the soldiers to living as cattle only would increase in a peculiar
revolution and a possible riot. And, in addition, if he moves himself from the
men´s barrack, could enable cadet´s relaxation. Less vigilance and more
posibilities for having night meetings. Although those meetings were still
blurry for her inocent childish mind.
“In addition...” resumed “Being this new recruit so complicated I don´t know
what would happen if I force him to share room with other people. I prefer to
have him under my vigilance as close as possible and withouth he can damage
anybody”
“Of course, Erwin. That´s very inteligent! Very well thought!”
“And, I will need your cooperation to repress him” whispered laughing.
That phrase only could cause that Hanji burst out laughing echoing in the room.
If she had know that had to treasured those memories of happiness, never had
left them go out her mouth. Unaware everything what will come nearer some years
after. The end of her peace.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Next day, she wore her uniform as good as she could. Buttoned up her shirt and
looked herself in the mirror. She still wore that old supporting thigth on her
breasts. She had became in a woman, but nobody could realize that.
So many moments of confusion, overtaken thanks her friend. Other mates with who
she shared room. People whose names dissappeared next to their bodys in that
huge pile where they used to burnt up the corpses.
And now she was preparing to meet another cadet more. Another name more.
Another cadaver in a few months. Maybe luckily, years. Or that was what she
tought. For her he would be only another person more for who would leave a
flower in that gloomy garden placed on the rear part of the principal building.
Looked again her figure and ajusted still more the harnesses on her torso. That
would produce new marks, that ones she was used to see. But any little detail
was that keeped her alive, in contrast to the fallen ones.
Would that boy be enough clever to predict that?
They reached the principal office. After talking with a pair of big bosses,
they were directed to the guardroom. As always, go down those moudly and
slippery stairs. How many month withouth cleaning that zone? Or even, withouth
restoring the cells?
To be under arrest was a offense and a shame, that was clear. For that reason
she avoid troubles all those time, or at least she tried not to be discovered.
But there were more reasons why she didn´t wanted to sleep in that
claustrophobic prison.
Sickening smell. There, only were destinated the scum, the most dangerous. The
worst. Even there weren´t a minimun conditions of cleanliness or respect for
those who stayed on that rooms during an undefined time.
Most of them, urinated on the corners. Intense and sour smell. Criminals,
murderes, mafia members. All class of individual passed over there, but,
soldiers? What class of affront had commited the famous hope of makind to
finish there?
She had her answer soon. The young cadet had fougth the night before. Leaving
unconscious his mate only for a bad comment. The enough offensive for abusing
him.
They went down those narrow treads where the smell was more and more strong;
swallowed saliva imaginating the face of that guy. When they reached the enter
of his cell found 6 soldiers watching over the door. “That´s must be a joke”,
thought.
A huge metal lock and some chains along the perimeter. Even, the men who
guarded him looked much more stocky than the majority. Selected previously for
his guard.
Never matter how good soldier he was, that was exagerated. Erwin got closer the
iron bars and put the key onto the keyhole. From there went out a tiny boy with
a serious and penetrating sigth. No threatening at first sigth.
Briefly, he remembered herself, before recovering her faith in makind. They boy
looked her for a while, until Erwin intervened again.
“My name is Erwin Smith, since today you belongs to my squad. I introduce you
one of your new squadmates and my right-hand: Hanji Zoe” directed to her
“Hanji, he is Rivaille”
Never forget that day in her whole life nor all she would live next to him.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Thanks for reading the first chapter. And I hope you like it! If I see that
english readers like the story I will continue translating. I must advert you
that the original one (the one I wrote in english) is filled with war and
battles, not much cuddles and romantic scenes. But centered on levihan story.
 
***** First meeting *****
Disclaimer: Snk belongs to Hajime Isayama. This fic was written one year ago
(in spanish) and now I am going to translate chapter by chapter to english. I
hope you like my version of Hanji´s past (and also Erwin´s and Rivaille´s)
before the fall of the wall.
English is not my first language, so I apologize for the possible mistakes.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
His aspect couldn´t be more ridiculous, thought the woman meanwhile observed
the little man. Before her eyes, a man with a straight hair cut, open in one
side; part of his hairstyle shorter than the rest, shaven nape. His head looked
like something similar a mushroom. And this sensation was increased with his
height.
Therefore, his outfit. In the army, the only thing you could modifiy according
your comfort was the cloth you wore under the jacket. Hanji used to wear a
yellowy wear down shirt, wearing something pretty didn´t worry her so much,
comfort was essential for her. Just only that.
Her superior, Erwin, a white linen loose shirt... But, that guy.... wore a
shirt so white that practically blinded and, and if that wasn´t enough, from
his neck hung a cravat perfectly tied.
Did he pretend to show an aristocratic image? His clothing sounds absurd, given
his criminal record. Sure that It would be incredibly funny seeing this “so
elegant” man smashing somebody face in with the knee.
She contained a laugh and focused on his face. He had a grey deep eyes,
practically he seemed not blinking. Maybe this glance was that made him having
so many enemies. And, in a strange sort of way, more than afraid, she felt
curoisity for knowing how somebody at his age had became that expression on his
aspect.
Her captain had presented her the boy, but she couldn´t even open her moth, all
on this man stroke him so irreal, surrealist. He neither said anything, he just
looked her up to down. After a while, Erwin made a gesture for going out from
there. None of them need to know anything more of the other.
After some visits to the clothes dispensary, where they collected the boy´s
supplies; and those properties essential for cohabitation; sheets, eiderdowns,
warm clothing, etc; then, they walked to the wooden building. Until that day,
the old and forgotten, women´s barrack C.
To avoid cause the boy´s rage, they told him that Erwin thought to became that
practically empty and uninhabited barrack into a headqueartes where they could
plain strategies easily with no necesity of disturbing the rest of the inferior
soldiers. Therefore just a few of them could live there. Those with higher
rank, some captains and squad´s leaders; and they three.
The idea of feeling superior to his workmates, hardly have met them, seemed
please him. An astute idea. Every day, her admiration to that man grew more an
more.
Hanji held the barrack´s key, since she was the only one who had it, and opened
the door. A cloud of dust leaked out from the place invading their nostril.
“H-Hanji... I thought you kept this place clean as we pointed out you” the
captain acussed while covering his mouth to can breathe.
“W-well, the truth is that I´ve been so many weeks withouth clean. I´ve been
busy with a new researches, though to tell you the truth I didn´t care so much
about that” she concealed with a fake smile looking away.
Both directed their sight to the young short guy trying to excusse for the
mess, but he kept his glaze withouth dare enter. Suddenly, he bent down and
began to look for something between his belongings, taking out a with shawl and
tying it to protect his hair. Hanji looked at him surprised, he could be still
more weird than he actually looked.
“I supossed something like that” he bent down over his suitcase looking for
something with cover his hands, maybe rubber gloves “What are you waiting for?
Bring scrub brushes and mops. I don´t pretend to sleep in a place so filthy”
“Ah, yeah... so... Hanji, please, bring all the cleaning supplies you have”
Hanji looked at him with wided-eyes, really? Were they going to clean just
right now?
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Before she realized, she had taken off her jacket, and rolled up her sleeves.
She was bent over the floor cleaning the slabs of the common bathroom. So many
time withoth cleaning so frenziedly. But Erwin had insisted on paying attention
to the boy for not causing problems.
It was true that the barrack was powdery and dilapidated, and needed an urgent
cleaning, but what they were doing was excessive. The boy didn´t leave pass a
single speck of dirt.
As long as she cleaned that zone, the captain and the boy arranged the rooms.
The bath wasn´t so big, of course, but the work was as equal of tiresome. She
turned on the taps to eliminate the soap from the floor until getting the
drain; then she dropped the worn-out cloth she had been using on a close shelf.
While she looked the water flowed, she had an strange feeling. She: a woman.
They: two men. The rest of superior who would incorporate that place bit by
bit, probably, also were men. A only shower zone. Which barely could be called
thus. On an area of 20 squared metres, placed some showers as the crow flies.
Under each water tap, a correspondant drain.
No walls, no separation gates. At the end of the room, there were some stools
with a hook over them. When there had been more women in that barrack (the few
ones) used to take turns between them, bathing in threes for not being ashamed
because of being nudes together at the same time.
This point never mattered her, showing in front of her mates never had been a
problem. But now, she saw her shyness from a different light.
First, the man who rescued her on her chilhood and for who she had became to
feel a deep and big respect. She didn´t even want to imaginate him naked. And
them, the other. Of course, she didn´t want that a so insolent and unpleasant
man saw her with no clothes on her body.
Probably he would tease her wounds or scars. Or, given his criminal record,
probably took advantage of his strength for...
She preferred to move away that thought from her mind. From her limited
observations, he seemed the typical man who was only interested on himself and
his own safety. So lonely and incoherent.
In adittion, his repellent obsesion with cleaning remembered her that neat
spotless hospital where she lived her own tormentor. Undoubtely, she knew that
wasn´t going to bear that man. Even less sharing that small area with him.
Although, in a certain way, he reminds her the serious and grumpy old Hanji.
What happened him to finish like that? What type of taumas he harboured?
“Zoe! You finished here?” her captain interrupted her, taking away her tougths.
“Ah, no, still not. It remains me a little, but I finish right now!”
“O-okey..... just that....” Hanji observed how his captain averted her eyes
ashamed, did he got the same deduction as her about the bath? “We have finished
the rooms and Rivaille had gone out to scrub the windows. I got to dissuade
him, but you rather go to your bedroom before he decide to revise all of them.
I´ll finish here, go now!”
She left in a hurry, of course, her room! Due to her job, it had an aspect
completely messy. She nerver mattered if somebody clean up the place she sleep,
but no way wanted that none of them saw any one of their belongings. She had
too many secrets there hidden.
She flew open the door and slammed shut withouth worrying about the noise it
could generate. So and how she had left that same morning, completely messy.
Her interior clothes were messy on an old basket she used for carrying it to
the laundry on her days off. Hundred of books opened and with notes and papers
over them, decorating her desk. And, what ashamed her the most if her captain
saw it. And old album filled with newspaper clippings which told all the
mission she had taken part with him.
She used to look at it every night, that encouraged her to continue working
hard and making an effort more every day. She hugged strongly the album, while
a low blush took over her cheeks. She knew perfectly she couldn´t have those
feelings, and she didn´t want to confuse herself about love.
But this was inevitable, he had became in a role model for her. She didn´t want
any type of display of affection. Although, just as she had been growing, she
noticed that the man stablished a fisic barrier with her. Now, barely, he
hugged her or carresed her head.
“I suposse I am not a child anymore” she mumbled.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
She had fallen asleep lean back over the bed. She slaped her face three times
for taking herself out of that trance and prepared to tidy her room. She opened
the wardrobe and put the clothes inside.
She put in alphabetical order the books, and also put the notes over them for
taking them fastly. When she got everything done, barely there was any light.
The sun was setting, she lighted an old oil lamp and come back the bath looking
for her boss. She didn´t waste too much time finding him, talking with the new
one.
“Ah, Zoe, it will be soon the curfew, and the dining room will close. I don´t
think we´ll have enough time to eat something, so I will go there with Levi to
ask for the dinner as we can have dinner here. On the way, I´ll notify the rest
of the troop about the changing of barrack so we can move another higher
captains” he closed to Hanji covertly, and whispered on her ear “Use this time
to have a shower if you want. The principal building is pretty far away and we
will be late enough time for coming back”
Her cheeks burnt suddenly when she noticed it.
Both men went out the gate of the barrack leaving her alone. Decided, she had
to hurry. She opened the door of her wardrobe and chose her sleeping clothes.
Generally, she used to fall asleep only wearing her shirt, but now she was
going to share that barrack with men, she rather be more discret.
She undressed on her room and stared at herself in the little mirror as she
used to do always she bathed. The old scars didn´t vanish. To the old
collection of scars came from that fire had joined some new ones. Cuts, hits,
bruises she had got on her battle every day, and large burns. She had flat abs
and over iliac crest bone noticed a mild pink line.
She made that scar on her first training years. One of the fastening ropes of
the harness wasn´t very good tied, and dropped producing on her a deep cut. For
years that scar was clearly visible, but on the last two, had began to
dissapear.
However, the old scars from that fateful day refused to dissapear, as
remembering her the reason why she fought agains titan and the government. Her
principal aim when joining the army was always to change the way of behaving
from inside to get a real progress on makind.
Her body was the living proof that her fight didn´t ease off.
She covered herlsef with a clean towel and took her spare clothes and her bath
supplies. In general, she didn´t worry so much about her physique, so she only
had an old jar of shampoo that Riko gave her every month and an old worn-out
soap bar. Undoubtely, she rather go to supplies to get another new.
She seated her things over the stool and turned on one of the showers. The
advantage of being almost always alone on that barrack was that she could bath
with hot water always she wanted withouth leaving any mate out.
Hanji liked the water especially warm. While she saw the steam around her, she
could feel how her skin burnt. In some way it makes her recall the suffering of
her wounds. In addition, between that smoke, nobody could see her crying for
all her dead mates.
Generally, she had got not to involve too much with her allies, so the immense
majority of them died even before she could remember their names, and withouth
can do anything to avoid their deaths. She was only strong enough to protect
herself.
Just herself. Therefore she tried not to implicate too much with the rest of
them. As less as she could remember their names, less painfull would be see
them fall. She stood her hand on the wall and down her head while the boiling
water fell over her. She began to remember as many faces as she could. Her old
mates in the training.... Most of them had dead on their first expedition.
Most of them in front of her. Tears falling from her eyes with no stop. She
loathed that world where she lived. Some nights, she was unable to sleep trying
to uncover the mistery hidden behind those gigantic figures. Bags under her
eyes, but new knowledges on her mind.
But, despite she could discover, she still fell useless. Sometimes, she blamed
the army for not providing her neither enough material nor necessary
permissions to realize her investigations.
But she couldn´t always blame another one. She had to accept her own useleness.
For that reason she had to work more and harder. During more time. All her life
it was necessary. Until all the change was real. That was her limitation as a
simple soldier. But, if she stayed alive, continued fighting, she would be
promoted, and all those permissions would be approved. So she didn´t thought
surrender. No until reaching the truth. The real one, hidden under that
sarcastic and useless society called government.
While she reflected on her thoughts, didn´t hear the figure which introduced
into the bath. The misterious figure began to undress behind her withouth
barely make any sound. She was too absorbed as noticing the proximity moments
after.
He brought closer to her, withouth noticing, and changed the water dial from
hot to cold.
“Hey!, you, are you mad? Do you think that´s a sauna? I almost smash myself
against the wall with this vapour” that voice was known for her, she´d just met
that same evening.
Instinctively, she span around seeing him completely naked.
“L-Levi?”
“A woman?” his eyes went down her body confirming what he just said.
On account of her aspect, tall, slim and chest pressed with her habitual
tights, sometimes was confused with a man. But, generally, after a while,
anybody noticed she was a woman. Her expresion, her voice.
Ashamed, she tried to cover her body with her trembling hands, while water
continued falling over her. She lunged to her towel and went running from there
withouth looking behind. On the way, she bumped into her captain who carried a
tray with that surely would be her meal. Althought, that night she wouldn´t
have any hunger.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
How long had she been on that shower as for not noticing they had just came
back? She slammed the door of her bedroom, and got into the bed wetting it
completely with her hair. Shit, she had forgotten her googles and her pyjamas
in the bath.
Now, she was naked, soaked and with a strange sensation on her belly. Was that
people call embarrasment? On her head only passed vague memories what she could
observe on that boy´s body. Scar as hers, old wounds. Undoubtely, she wasn´t
the only one with a difficult childhood.
Altought, there was still something that diferentiate them, that strange
hanging thing she barely distinguished on the previous seconds before she fled
from there. That was a man´s body? She didn´t know why it didn´t looked so
horrible as she expected. Not so bad, even pretty nice. On the hall in front of
her door, she could hear a strong argument.
“I didn´t know she was a fuking woman! Don´t piss me off! I went into the
bathroom as I told you I´d do. You ought have warned me!”
“Agh, my bad, I thought she had just finished when we arrived, but Hanji is so
scatterbrain that she barely notices the pass of the time” as he talked,
remembered how many hours she could pass with no sleeping or even eating.
“Hey, you!” Levi beat the door brusqueness “Open the fucking door! You left
this!”
Her clothes and glasses. She got out the bed and replaced the towel on her. She
opened the door bit by bit and met his deep sight looking her head-on, with
that she thought was a light blush under his eyes.
“Take it” he gave her things and twirled abruply moving away the door.
“Sir, I.....prefer have dinner tonight in my room”
“Ah, yeah, don´t worry” as always, so kind, trying to maintain composure facing
that bashful situation “Today was a tiring day, you rather go to bed. Tomorrow
I´ll be in charge of guiding the corporal Levi and present his squad. So you
can take it off if you want”
“Thanks” she hid under the frame of the door trying to hide her embarrasment.
And then, she closed it completely.
It had been an horrible day, but she didn´t expect to repeat that situation
again. While she savoured her plate, noticed how funny had been the situation.
The first man she had seen naked in her whole life was that grumpy boy.
And, she had to admit, that his aspect was completely different as when he wore
that aristocratic cravat. She began to laugh her head off withouth stopping.
She had began the day thinking that she never could bear him, but now she was
starting to think it wasn´t going to be so horrible.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Months passed by withouth any news. She could be present on the first trip on
the exterior of him. Undoubtely, he was a killing machine as strong as they
said. He always surprised her with his fearlessness on the battle. No doubt. On
the right spot. He was born for that.
Despite the feelings that the army cherished about him first, the captain had
go tame that beast for his own interest. He didn´t dare to question any one of
his strategies.
Hanji´s room was skillfully separated from them two, which were adjacents.
However, she heard them all nights. They left for training together, and had
became to build up a new and strange relation.
After some months observing those journeys, she began to join them in their
training, when there wasn´t any observation work to do. Keeping her priorities
above all. Her presence on that nights seemed surprising for the boy. She could
sneak a peek to him, always refering her as useless, lazy, careless, weak.
But, when they began to train together, all those nicknames were getting
smaller more and more. She wasn´t any more an useless person. Neither weak.
Despite he didn´t express the opposite, his silence seemed showing a new and
strange respect. How long time ago had he criticised her physical condition?
She couldn´t remember that.
They became to be completely got along with each others. Her friendship with
the little man had became still more confusing. Under his superficial and
nerver-ending annoyance he always referred to her with loads of ridiculous
names. None of them hurt her really, not even mattered her. If he insulted her,
she would answer back. Sometimes, she thought that he nerver tried to hurt her,
just only disturb her. As a child. Or maybe something she couldn´t understand.
Why didn´t he accept her? Perphas because he was unable to understand the
reason why she was the right-hand woman of their superior. Or maybe for all
those new bath rules which only affecting them cause of her female presence.
Every day seemed different from the earlier, but the reason of him to show
always his apparent indifference to her were always the same. And, for the
leader of both, sometimes those night exercises became still more tiresome
cause of interceding their continuous arguments.
“It would be in your interest to look better your mates. They could became your
strongest allies in the future” he sketched out while finished of putting his
boots “It is not so difficult you tolerate her more, Levi”
“I didn´t join that for making friends”
“I haven´t asked you for being her friend, I just only want you treat her
better”
“Tsk.”
“You rather observe her closer. She is a clever and intelligent woman. You´d
surprise about you´d learn just for hearing her during five minutes”
“I barely doubt I ´d be able to stand one”
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Time passed by, two years since Levi joined that squad. Two years living under
the same roof. The same squad. The same orders. The same missions. Side by
side, working as a team. Those names didn´t dissapear, but something changed on
him.
Before, when they had to make pairs it was really awkward. But now, she was
getting used to his glaze looking after her back. And he of hers, observing him
since her flank. When had everything begun to change?
However, no one of this missions would be the one were they reached an
authentic friendship. It´ll be later. When the fear come back to devastate
those famished citizens.
A strange epidemic had arised between the walls. An illness which devastated
the population and threatened with spreading. For resolving that, they had
decided to send a few group of soldiers in search of provisions.
“I know where are the herbs for that disease. I have studied it for years and I
know how regconize them” she talked back hitting the table “Let me go!”
“This mission is too risky, only a reduced group will go, and I can´t leave you
expose to this risk” the blond man decided staring at her.
“But if you don´t leave me go, this mission will be a complete disaster, I know
it. They won´t know where look for. And it´s difficult to find” her frustration
couldn´t be bigger.
“Well, if she doesn´t go alone, there´s no problem, not?” the black-haired man
told, joining the conversation.
“Levi, are you offering yourself as a volunteer for the mission?” his blue
wide-eyes, astonished, generally, he accepted missions unwillingly.
“I feel like killing some titans” said curtly and screwing up.
“Even so.... I can risk losing two of my best soldiers” he thought for a while
“Okey, it´s decided. I´ll go with you”
This desicion was frowned upon all the member of the court-martial, but he
remained firm on his risky offer. Everybody know the great team they three
made. The mission looked completely successful. But, they couldn´t be more
wrong...
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Woah, I spent more time than I wanted. But I had to come back to my country
(Spain), to deliver loads of documents, etc. So I think that now..... I can
follow translating the rest of the chapter. Do you like the story? Let me know
that.
My best wishes!
 
 
***** Collapse *****
 
Disclaimer: Snk belongs to Hajime Isayama. This fic was written one year ago
(in spanish) and now I am going to translate chapter by chapter to english. I
hope you like my version of Hanji´s past (and also Erwin´s and Rivaille´s)
before the fall of the wall.
English is not my first language, so I apologize for the possible mistakes.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
She unfolded the larg map over the operation´s table. It was drawn by hand with
an absolute
accuracy. Over it, could be discerned some notes writen in a disused language.
Because of their confinement, between the walls all the humans only spoke the
same language, neutral and developed from another ones. But, without using the
original from each nacionality. Their own culture and origins, were completely
lost.
Hanji, during her trainee days had entrusted with discovering and knowing her
own culture, getting to dominate loads of european languages, practically
forgotten, between them, her favourite one, french.
“Hanji, you drew it?” Erwin asked her astonished.
“Y-yes, I did. During our missions, I tried to study the land just for having
real data. Even though, most of the zones I´ve drawn on the map, I´ve archieved
them from old documents where they alluden ancient civilizations” she pointed
at the map, “We are here, 50 km to the South East there is a river. Acording
with my opinion, the civilization which have gathered here was settled over
that zone before. In another way, we couldn´t have moved so fast to these walls
when the attack of the titans began” her hand drafted an arc around the city
marking out a concentric area “On the North West there sould be a tiny mountain
chain. Over that we rather be able to find some grottos or excavations in the
middle of the mountain. The plants we are looking for, needs a high humidity.
So they are not easily found close some rivers”
“Then, it´s not more logic look for them in a river than in a cave? I don´t
think there´s so much humidity and illumination inside to develop vegetable
life”
“You are wrong, Erwin. Most of the caves house larges passages with are feeded
by underground water currents. And, there are a great variety of plants which
don´t need photosyntesis to their develop. What we need to find is something
similar to a moss. Some insects ate them. And also, numerous bacterias. As
well, we can find some curatives roots which we can´t get from the surface
easily. So all that make it a natural medicine remarkable” she swelled her
chest proud of herself.
“Woah, I impressed with your deductions” his superior praised her while stroked
her head “How much time would be necessary for going and coming back?”
“Those tiny ferns have not a great time of life cause of their disability of
surviving under the sun. As maximun, 24 hours. On this time we must come back
and sinthesize it into a medicine. For going we can get a safe path” her finger
drew a lightly “s” on the paper, “Avoiding this old valley. Once we reached the
mountain I think there would not be so much problem with titans. Even, I think
it´s better not to attack them directly or we´d lose time. For coming back....”
this time her finger drew a straigth line “We will have to turn to direct
fight. Piercing the big forest where they live. Once there, just only continue
the path to the walls” she thought carefully “I reckon we will take 14 hours
for arriving and 5 for coming back”.
“It seems logic. There´s no need of making imprudences until we don´t have the
material in our hands” the blondie man stated “Decided, we´ll leave tomorrow.
I´ll inspect the stables for getting the best horses, trained for a physical
activity so continuous. Levi, you and Zoe go to raise supplies and enough sacks
to carry the medicine”
“Yes, sir” both of them answered in unison, putting their right fists on their
heads, and the opposite hand on the back.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
It was begining to dawn. A few group of member of the army was on the door of
the city preparing 3 horses. Most of the population on that zone were resting
on their homes.
Jus a few farmers gazed at the scene with certain confusion. They didn´t pay so
much attention to that strange patrol. Another of their suicide missions. More
taxes to pay. Nothing new. No one of them was aware of the danger those 3
soldier were going to pass for saving their lives.
The animals were finally loaded with the necessary provisions. It would be
excesively complicated. She would lie if she said that she felt as enoughly
confident as for say nothing would happen. A little woman with grey hair was
sensitive about those doubts and run to hug her old friend.
“Don´t risk. I know you, come back in one piece has never been your priority”
“Ah, don´t worry about that. I have two great bodyguaaaaarrrrd!!!!” her prhase
was interrupted by a hug from behind, a misterious and tall blonde man.
“My dear Hanji, Who will I amuse with if you don´t comeback? Who I will pass my
sleepless nights? Nobody hold on as you, I´ll have to go drinking with my
subordinates and some of them are quite boring”
Mike Zakarius, graduated before Hanji. But joined another squad and barely
could talk with him. As years goes by, he had been promoted as squad leader. So
he had passed to live in the same barrack as her. Just that, he rarely appears
on his bedroom. It was rumoured he was a womanizer, and after sleeping with the
young recruits, looked for some ways to preserve their smell. Hanji always
wondered about how much was true and how much was a lie.
Obiously, he was a handsome man, popular between females. But so close with his
private life that she couldn´t know the exact reality. Of course, on some
occasions, he proposed the young Zoe. But she didn´t look as understanding his
ulterior motives. And those last years, his flirts about Hanji had always been
interrupted by a tiny and threaten figure. The same that stared at his hug
since his horse. With his constant deep grey eyes.
“M-Mike! Stop!” she smiled happily “The troop boss and the commander are here,
that´s a serious mission. Now, I can´t joke”
The commander, Enrizo Brashert, an man with only 67 years, but always looked
older. So close to death. Soon, he´ll leave the Scouting Legion. Too much old
as continue fighting. He directed the three soldiers positioning on their
horses.
“Gentlemen, today we are in a horrible situation. We entrust you for helping us
to resolve it”.
“Don´t worry boss, we´ll come back with the medicine on time” Hanji felt very
optimistic, too much. She seemed not noticing what would happen later that same
day.
“Thanks lord for letting us launch that mission. we´ll give our best” the man
with blue eyes and gentile smile thanked.
Without saying any word, the gates opened and their horses galloped through the
daybreak. Maybe the deaf sound of their spurs woke up some confused villagers.
None of them would be aware until some hours later that unearthly commontion
would suposse the difference between the life and the death of their lovely
relatives.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Cause of the excesive fatigue of the animals, they decided to make 4 breaks
before arriving their destiny, taking turns for guarding avoiding the titans,
while Zoe confirmed their position. After the 4th stop, the land became more
steep. They penetrated into a valley. An old road in front of them. They
followed it until the path finished.
“Well, over that protruding we should be able to find a small entrance to the
grotto. Since there we could move freely inside and look for the herbs” she
pointed at upwards indicating their destiny.
The three soldiers tied and hid the animals. They fitted the straps of their
gear, and walked towards the sharp construction. It seemed the enoughly stable
as for stand the three of them at the same time.
The entrance was really narrow. Wearing the gear was imposible to enter. They
took off them camly and taking care of not damaging them. No unnecessary public
expending. The first in enter was the thinner, Hanji. Right after they passed a
big and worn-out bag where gather the supplies.
After that, the leader of both, harder, being pushed from out to inside. Last,
the tiny man, who also entered without any trouble.
“Sir, I think you have enlarged the hole in the entrance” the girl mocked him.
Step by step they headed in the cave until it narrowed and got darker. At every
moment they watched the oil lamp. Due to deeply they were, the lack of oxygen
was more evident, and the light, weaker.
Suddenly, Levi opened the bag and, from a side pocket, took out a tiny glass
tubes. They seemed cylinder containing, in turn, another cylinders. Inside them
saw two different fluids separated between them by a crystal. Levi shook it a
little against the wall and the inside glass broke and both liquids mixed
causing a strange light.
“Levi......you invented that?” his superior told, amazed by the wisdom of his
pals.
“Yes, sir. It occurred me when I read some chemical reports.......” he thought
during some instants “written by.....Zoe”
“M-my documents?” she opened wide eyes, confused. It was true she had done some
notes about natural phosphorescences, but she didn´t occur putting into
practice them.
Although, what most surprised her was that man who always mocked about her and
her researchs, read them hours later. The atmosphere between them made
uncomfortable, and the leader of both took the bag and began to take pots.
“We´ll leave them on the land as indicating the exit” he ordered analyzing the
situation “How long?”
“3-4 hours”
“Enough”.
They resumed the progress leaving a dazzling trace behind them. As if they were
small firefly. Inside those walls they couldn´t find neither shiny bugs nor
wild animals. Enjoying that tuneful and intoxicating atmosphere was something
really unique. It made that those strange and particular mission was worth the
hassle. Just for enjoy a few of not foul air. Of freedom.
They kept an eye on the roof and walls trying to find roots or moss. But no one
appeared, they needed to find a common side where those herbs grew. After a
while, the humidity on the land became more evident, pointing out the direction
and origin of the water current they required. When they reached almost the end
of the cave, it became narrower.
“Look out” he gasped Hanji´s shoulder preventing her fall “The way ends here,
now there´s just those hole in the land. Any ideas, Hanji?”
“Mmmmm” the girl started to examine the soil around her “Very wet, and
calcification on the trench´s wall. That´s the correct way, here´s what we are
looking for”
“I entrust you”
She broke one of the cylinders and dropped it into the trench. Maybe 5 metres
of fall, becaming bigger at the end. 70 centimetres of diameter. She watched
carefully the bottom where had fallen the tube and could see a light. Round it
there were a field filled with the drugs they wanted. That was the suitable
place.
“If we take all the herbs we find there down, we´ll have sufficient as for
generate medicine for all the population” the quiest boy pointed.
“It´s very tight, Zoe, I don´t know how you want we came down” her superior
calculated the narrowness and announced his veredict. Imposible to cross.
“I´ll go down myself. I´m the slimest from us three. I´ll fill the bag, you´ll
lift it and I´ll come back to go out. Simple, fast and efective”
“It´s too dangerous. Maybe should be I who...” Erwin began to speak.
“You? It´s necessary I remind you how you got stuck in the entrance?” she
slaped the land representing the previus scene lived instants before with a
mischievous smile.
An imperceptible relaxation, as if that was funny for him, appeared on the
young boy, hanging the the face for concealing.
“It´s okey, go you, Zoe. We´ll last as less as possible” it was embarrassing
concede it. But it was true. He didn´t have why hide it any more.
But he was still afraid by her safety. Barely minutes later, he´ll know why
about that strange hunch.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
The descent was good, she took off her harnesses as using them as a rope. While
she went down, could see how narrow was the land crack, she barely could move
on it. In the middle more or less it increased hugely letting glimpse a
colossal cave.
She started to attack the rock taking out everything she found. Undoubtely, she
was going to get a great shioment. Then, she saw a root. One of she needed,
started to scratch up around ir really excited. As the same way she had found
the other ones.
The root was quite big. Better, thought for herself. When she saw clearly the
hard zone of the root, she began to slice with her knife. The stalk began to
collapse and she decided to pull with her bare hands. Generating diverse wounds
on them.
Finally, the plant collapsed and she fell back with it on her thighs. Cause of
the darkness she didn´t notice the crack she had done on the stone. Even, the
low light still more weak of the glass she had thrown behind her, drew closer
what would happen.
She tied up everything she found on the stone and tied to the harness made with
her belts. Both man started to pull up. In the moment the bag got stuck on the
aperture, they pulled harder, diging round it.
Finally, the bag was completely out. The woman was tiying herself to the rope
when a stone fell over her head. When she directed her gaze up, just only could
saw a landslide falling over her, enlarging significantly the hole but trapping
her.
Only could react instictivately covering her head with the arms as for
protecting herself. Her chest hurts. How many broken bones should she have? She
felt that the presion of the rocks got smaller. Somebody was taking this,
pushing them off.
Unconsciously, she raised her head up and saw the young man with jet hair
hoisting her little by little. Over them she could her superior´s face worried.
The hole had enlaged completely, and the stones had fallen over her body.
Something she didn´t prevent. She felt so insecure and stupid for her lack of
wisdom about that. She didn´t want to listen I tell you.
She didn´t need so much to know the origin of the landslide, that fucking root.
Her greed betrayed her. She had enough of them, but she wanted the biggest one.
The little man held her to his back and she could feel pain in her whole body.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. He took a rope and climbed the new wall carrying her.
She barely could move by herself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. You are so weak,
you´ll never became a great leader if you need somebody help you,that was all
she could think.
Once she reached the top, Erwin hugged her protective. He groped for wounds.
The right leg and arm broken, severals ribs fractured and a strong contusion on
the chest. Her reflexes made her protect from the rocks when falling over her,
so it saved her from something worse.
Hanji considered the situation. She couldn´t walk, couldn´t ride. No fighting
against titans, not directly. She was a burden.
“Erwin, you must leave now” she holded the face of the man who had saved her on
her chilhood and didn´t show any hint of douts, her final decision “If you
carry me I´ll be just a dead weight. We won´t arrive on time”
“Are you crazy? I can´t leave you here. I will abandon nobody”.
“We can´t lose more time, if I go with you, that will slow more” she coughed
frendziedly and the dark blood stained her lips.
“Even with that....” he tried to say restraining the humidity on his eye
sockets.
“Sir, she is right. We can´t lose any time more. The medicine must arrive as
before as possible. We hadn´t done that expedition for anything” his superior
encloser him ready to push him again the wall, when the lips of the boy moved
again “I´ll carry her back”.
“What?” he asked while his fist loosened few centimetres from his face.
“Give me a horse. I´ll take the same way we took for arriving here. More safe”.
The clear blue eyes of the man weighed the idea one moment. It wasn´t
impossile. In fact, it was the most viable option. And he was the best in his
whole troop. He knew he would be better as safeguard than himself.
He looked down the girl who laid half-conscious waiting for facing any order he
gave her.
“If you don´t bring her back, I´ll kill you” his voice turned threatening whil
talked.
“If I don´t get bring her back, I won´t bother crossing the gates of the city”
he expressed smug.
That said, in a overprotecting way, he bent down over her ally, who still
struggle for breathing on the floor and kissed his fringe.
“Miss Zoe, you are not allowed dying”
“Don´t worry, I won´t” she make an effort for smiling and evade his worrying.
But, as much as she wanted, her waste face showed the pain she suffered on that
moment. No way for feeling as if she didn´t feel anything. Just she only got to
raise her eyebrows with desperation more for the people whose lives were
already polluted by the sickness than her own life.
He took fastly all the medicines, loaded on his shoulder and went running out
the cave. While he went away she could hear him saying We´ll see in a few
hours.She concentrated again in her task and got away everything while the
tears fell with no stop from her face.
Still close the narrow hole, Hanji had got sit up for make easier bandage.
Cause of leaving everything on the horses, they have few things for healing. A
big fissure crossed her leg.
Her abdomen started to show a dark scarlet colour. Before she realizing, Levi
had taken off her jacket and began to unbutton her shirt.
“Hey, little depraved, what do you expect? I am weak, but I still can fight
against you” her stomach hurt too much, but she tried endeavour giving a hint
of a smile.
“Here there´s nothing I haven´t seen before, I don´t know why should I
surprise” he said with his always inalterable and serious tone of voice.
With that words, the girl remmenbered that awkward day 2 years ago. Her shirt
was out her body, barely showing her old and worn-out tight. The man took the
knife and cut it beginning from the bottom.
“You have severlas broken ribs... that excesive pression will only damage you
more...” he announced softly while the breast of the woman arised from her
clothes.
He averted his eyes and covered her with his own jacket. Leaving glimpse her
gut. With the old shirt, he cut it as for making a bandage for covering his low
belly.
Right after, he took out his own shir and repeated the same operation with the
leg. The girl barely could aver her eyes from she interior shirt he was
wearing. It showed completely his sculpted torso. The same one she saw years
ago. But, with new scars. She knew it shouldn´t surprise her, but , why
couldn´t she stop staring at him? And, overall, it surprised her all that
attentiveness while he performed her first aids. From him, she barely know
about his battle skills. All that type of moments were uknown for her.
Finally, he took two little branchs enoughly hard and, taking both jackets,
tied them to the girl´s legs. When he finished all those operations, directed
his gaze again to the girl evaluating her injuries. Cause of taking off the
jacket which he had covered her, could see again those breast again. He took
off his interior shirt and wore her with it. She couldn´t avoid blushing for
that.
He loaded her on his back, and walked out the grotto.
Her head weighed hugely. Broken ribs pressed down on her chest. She found hard
breathing. They had been walking for long clumsily trough that confusing
crossroad. She barely got to see the luminescence which indicated the path.
“I didn´t expect touching you” his tone of voice echoed taking her out from her
mental delays and those unforgetable memories. “Maybe you preferred he had done
that..... I mean, the captain”
That phrase surprised her. Her captain, Erwin. So long admiring him and shaping
that strange urge he saw her as something more than a defenseless child. Maybe
just because she wanted to be really useful or maybe because he never shared
secrets with her and she wished to be part of it.
Or maybe, in the deepest part of herself, she was still a child, as she was
once, who wanted his big brother looked at her more. But, Erwin was no part of
her family, that fact was something she had forced to memorize after several
years next him.
“It´s so evident?” she admitted.
It wasn´t a big secret the affection she profess to him since her most tender
chilhood. Recently, was rumored that Erwin used to meet some women. He didn´t
deny any of those rumors.
“Everybody in the quarters know. They joke about that saying you are his
mistress”
“Ha, ha...” she laughed ironically “He never had seen me....... as a
woman.......For him I´m.... like his little sister....He..... never has......
tried touch me.....” that´s the reason why he avoided caress her during the
last years. She had to recognize that distancing from him hurts.
“That´s mean you´d like it he does?” the man demanded.
“N-n-no.. I...” she tightened her fists buring her head on his back. “....I
want draw on...leave behind that old story.... I can´t....... I can´t be a
little girl forever....”
Her words gave out and sounded still more hollow. The silence began to be each
time more sharp. Just interrupted for the sound of their own footsteps.
“Why you shout suddenly? Has you got tired of talking about silliness?”
“......” just silence and a strange candour on his back.
“Zoe?”
No answer back. He stopped a moment, close the exit. He placed the woman on the
floor and looked at her features. She had stopped talking. Her eyes were closed
forcefully making an effort for breathing. The damaged bones scractched her
lungs preventing her breathe normally.
“Zoe! Wake up! Fuck! Hanji!” he shouted powerless patting her face.
She opened slighly the eyes, breathing with difficulty. A tear of pain went
across her cheek. She was strangling.
Her nostrils were blocked, it was necessary help her to breathe. Gently, his
face got closer to hers, and started to blow air into her lungs. He looked how
her chest swelled, reducing the pression on the woman´s face. He repeated it
again 5 times more.
Hanji became oxygenated and recover part of the lost colour on her face. The
risk had passed, altough still was soon to say that. He separated his lips from
hers and watched her during some instants. She didn´t seem as losing
consciousness.
“Better?” he asked while he sitting her up.
“Y-yes. Thanks.”
She was again on his back, and left finally the narrow cave. The light of the
sun blinded them and damaged theis pupils, but never before had wished so come
back to see it. On that protuberance they were hours before he could see their
gears. He put on him and picked her up on his arms while took down the
gradient.
Where they left the horses hours before they found one of them an one one. You
are not allowed to die,anything more. A curt note and with any type of
explanation. Hanji looked at the crumpled paper and smiled.
The boy with dark hair helped the women to sit on the horse and sit behind her.
With a hand held the reins and with the other one wrapped her body as not
falling. He hit softly the rump and it began to move.
The woman was so tall than her head laid on his shoulders, blowing her breathe
directly on his neck. On this way he could check her breathing if she need
resuscitation again. She seemed conscious, but thoughtful.
“What are you thinking?”
“..............anything”
“I suposse you also preferred that.......” he made a face without continue.
“No, no. I don´t....... I understand the situation and I express my gratitude
for helping me. It´s just.... I suposse It´s not........ a real, you know,
that, hahahaha” she faked smile trying to conceal her nervousness.
“That?”
“I-I ´ve never received the contact of....... the lips of nobody before
over....... over mines” she turned her head pretty confused and blushed,
deeping it on his chest as not showing her obvious anxiety on that moments.
“.........”
“I suposse it´s weird saying my first kiss had been when I was half-dead,
hahaha”
“......”
“Levi, you........... Had you ever kiss somebody before yet, not?
“........That......................... was not any
kiss.....................that was cpr...........just this. I don´t think it
matters” he averted his eyes.
“ You didn´t answer my question” she repeated raising her gaze and staring at
his nulity of facial´s expresions.
“.........What does it matter?”
“ I told you it, at least you should respond a lady”
“A lady? You are not any lady. You are the least similar to a woman I´ve never
known” he directed his gaze to the horizon waiting his silence was answer
enough.
“That´s not nice”
“I has not said I wanted to be. Shut up and just fucking rest it. Still remains
hours to arrive.
“When you answer my question”
“You are a pain in the ass”
“I thought we became to be friends. The friends tell those thins, not? I don´t
think it´s so bad you also share things with me”
“When has I said I be your friend?”
“Aren´t we?”
“.......” her constant persistence didn´t give him rise to continue ignoring
her petition “Okey..................................... No, I´ve
not........................ are you happy now?” he hardened his gaze forward.
“Woah, how surprising, I know you are quite popular between the females on the
barracks, It´s surprising for me you´ve never....”
“Maybe it´s because I´m not interest on any of them” he interrupted her.
“Aren´t you interested on anyone?”
“.............”
“Don´t you respond again? You know mine with Erwin. Come on, stop being so
close-minded. It won´t happen anything worse if you confess you are human
sometimes. Having feelings for someone doesn´t mean....” she started to say
dramatically shaking her arms as if she performed a stage play.
“Maybe..........” he interrupted her again “there´s somebody.........”
“A girl?”
“Something like that”
“And why don´t you ask her out? I don´t think you are the traditional soldier
devoted who respect all the nonsense rules they impose us” maybe this was one
of the few thins she saw she agree with him: thouthands of rules and most of
them nonsenses.
“................It´s...................complicated...........she........................”
he avoid her again “.................She had never seen me as a man”
“So....... you are exactly in my situation, aren´t you?”
“.............”
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
They carried on riding for hours until they saw the walls. Inmediately, he
carried Hanji to the hospital where his superior welcomed her holding back
tears. She entered directly to surgery. Then everything became black. For days,
without be able to open her eyelid.
Completely dark as the lion´s den. Thouthands of nightmares stroke her dreams
not letting her rest. The pinch she feel were real or not? Was she alive or
not? Why couldn´t she open the eyes? What was that strange sensation she felt
constantly on her arm?
When she finally recover conciousness, the first she saw when woke up was her
superior reading a book next her. She felt her body heavy and dopey. As if she
had been crushed by a enormous beast.
“Oh, Hanji, you finally woke up” he closed the pages of the book and he seemed
calmer when seeing her again awake “You´ve been unconscious for.......... 4
days” his smile looked gloomy at pronouncing that number “It made me glad
seeing you have recovered” he get closer and hugged her “Thanks for coming
back”
“Erwin...... you stink”
“Sorry, we´ve been here since they operate you and we have no chance of having
a shower for acompanying you”
“We?” she directed her gaze down and discovered the rider who carried her back
to those walls. He was asleep with her head laying down her bed.
She caressed his locks of black hair and noticed how dirty he was. The clean-
freak hadn´t had shower for acompany her. She felt a stabbing pain on her
chest. She tied it to the pain of her wounds and preferred not care so much.
“Captain, I.....”
“Hanji.......... I am not your captain........ they are going to promote me as
commander........I´ve asked for you be promote next to me, as squads leaders.
Maybe when you go out, they´ll leave you participate in some mission riskier
and more complicated. Captain´s meetings. You know what consist of all that.
You came with me as vicecaptain before”
Of course, that heroic action was imposible not to be reward. Despite that, she
didn´t feel completely comforted. She leaned back and watched that white roof
so hated. Undoubtely, her recovering will remain longer. She lowered her gaze
to his colleague. Tired looks and bags similar to hers, but with a permanent
brow furrowed. She smiled slightly.
“Maybe this time, will be less horrible” she thought.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
I apologize for last too much. I was busy with my degree and moving to another
city. I hope you like the story. I´ll try to translate the next soon.
And, as all the chapter I´m deepely sorry about the mistakes, it´s pretty hard
to write in another language. If you see some mistakes easily rectifiable, just
tell me and I´ll rewrite that.
 
***** Dazzle *****
Disclaimer: Snk belongs to Hajime Isayama. This fic was written one year ago
(in spanish) and now I am going to translate chapter by chapter into english. I
hope you like my version of Hanji´s past (and also Erwin´s and Rivaille´s)
before the fall of the wall.
English is not my first language, so I apologize for the possible mistakes.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
5 months. 5 months passed on that hospital. She had to remember every day that
horrible place. On her chilhood she had been hospitalized as consecuence of
some serious burns. On that occasion, cause of several fractures.
At the beginning, they had diagnosed 8-9 months hospitalized. However, a little
help had helped her to recover. A little help she never expected.
During her hospitalize, Levi went to see her every day. Always carrying
paperwork to resolve. Although she was off sick, in the army didn´t exist
neither holidays, nor free days. She had to continue her researches although
she was prostrated in a bed. Despite he was to see her by works reason, it made
her happy having somebody who chat with. Even with that neat freak who talk so
little. At least he heard her without complaining.
The new commander.... saw her fewer each time. His promotion has spent his
whole time. Commander´s task, used to say at her. Another types of
responsabilities which keep him involved and away from her. Undoubtely, she
yearned for him. His absence was only hidden by the company of her ally.
Her expected discharge came earlier. While her mate was with her, they tried to
exercise her tired musculature for boosting her recovery. Staring at his
serious and deep glae, she used to joke with him about he enjoyed torturing her
for mocking about his height. Months passed, before than expected and she went
out that hospital. Filled with sad memories.
She had rehearsed severals times what she´d said when she see her supeior. What
to say, how show herself, what aspect she rather have. But, cause of being a so
suddenly recovery, they didn´t warn the commander, who went out in a mission
three days before she left the hospital. And wouldn´t back in some weeks.
“Buff............. it´s so boring.....” she yawned slightly leaned back.
Two days passed since the date of exit from that white and clean place. She was
in the common room of captains lied over Mike´s legs, who lastly showed very
harmless about her. In a corner, a little figure read the newspaper calmly.
“Undoubtely, you´ve been too long there enclosed, so coming back and there´s
nothing to do must be tedious” he caressed his stubble with his finger
pretending to sound interesting “I suposse they gave you a list of the new
members as you can make your new squad”
“Yeah, I´ve read the data of some of them; and they are quite interesting.
Although I barely doubt most of them are capable to join the team I want to
form. I doubt they can hang in there my pace.”
“My team is especialized on search and hunt. When I began, they assigned me
some random boys and I made them to specialize on that. You can also do it”
“I know it Mike, but, I don´t think the new recruits are really interested into
joining a squad who is destinated to researching. Even the superiors don´t like
the idea of a investigation´s team. They think I am going to lose the time.”
“And that boy? I remember one of the new recruits asking for be assigned in
your team when it was formed. He seemed quite persistent. I got to think he was
too much persistent”
“Ah, yes. That. I-dunno-what Banner. I´m going to name him vice captain of my
team.”
“Really? He could be a weirdo, Hanji. He seemed too strange.”
“Of course, he seemed a boy very dedicated. And he has been one of the best
from his promotion. I´m sure it will be really interesting having him in my
team”.
“I´m not sure if I feel more pity for you or for him cause of bearing you....”
a cutting and sharp voice told since his seat.
“What about you, Levi? How is going to be your squad? What are they going to be
specialized in?
“Attack”
“What? Just only strenght? That´s all? Anything more?
“Tch.”
“And which novices are you going to admit in your team? Do you have doubts as
me?”
“No”
“Really? Tell me. Who is going to be in your team?”
“Four brats”
“Only four?” she turned towards Mike who began to read again the list of new
cadets “Wasn´t the limite 7 or 8 each squad? Isn´t it better if there´s more
boys in your team? More offesinve strenght, biggest aggressiveness”
“I actually has also only four. It´s easier to control and train less boys and
you can focalize more the work. It´s also more effective in the battle. More
concentration, less distractions. When I worked under Erwin´s order we were
also a few ones”.
“Four........ Maybe I´ll do the same. I´d like to have a girl in my team, as
you have Mike. And you, Levi, what about you? Are you interested in any female
recruit? I´m pretty sure there will be strong girls on this promotion.”
“.....”
“Why doesn´t he asnwer?” she turned to Mike who seemed laughing sideways.
“Levi has showed enough attention to four recruits with character and pretty
aggressives. In fact, they are quite funny. Four dorks. When they move to our
team, you´ll see them quite often. I´m sure you´ll like them.”
“Aggressive, hahahaha. I´m sure he chosed them because they look like him.
They´ll be a group of grumpies. When we went out, we´ll scared the rest of
squads. I hope titans don´t run away, because it´ll be too boring”
“Well, one of his futures allies won´t scare so”
“Ah, not?”
“Come on, Levi. Talk her about your future squad” he told with sarcasm “Talke
her about allthem”
“What happen with your squad?” the girl stood up fastly facing the man.
“.....”
Still motionless on his corner, he hid more behind those greyish pages matching
his eyes and his character. He didn´t seem interested at all in keeping a
conversation about those lucky four he had chosen.
She supossed that his judgement was focalized on their ability of reaction and
attack as their ability of movement and strenght. Perphas, one of those who had
the best qualifications. She could imagine who had been them. But, she only
came to her mind the image of four boys really hefty and intimidating.
Or maybe, one of them had the same dilemma as him with his height and for that
reason Mike was mocking about that fact. A soldier from his team who wouldn´t
scare the rest of them. The more she tried to imagine, the less she could do
it.
“How is the new cadet who is not frightening? Is he..... you-know....... as
Levi?” she insinuated assuring herself that aforementioned directed one of his
offensive gaze towards the insinuation of himself.
“Oh, yeah. Of course. It´s a cadet quite midget. But that´s not the problem. I
suposse It´s normal this person be short”
“Then what?”
“Well, as you know... It´s odd finding women in the recon corps. In fact, we
have actually the principals barracks occupied and only you were in the
peripheral one.”
“Yes, I know it. None of the girls who were already in the recon corps will be
good enough for my team. And I´m not sure if between the new ones I´ll find a
useful one” she frowned her brow thinking in herself. On Mike´s squad there was
two women, who were a little older than her. Undoubtely, another veterans who
she hadn´t had the pleasure of talking so much cause of living in different
barracks.
“In fact, cause of the new joinings, there had been restructuring regarding the
assigning of barracks”
“Ah, yeah. Erwin talked me about that. Maybe some new boys will also come to
live to our barrack. I don´t mind. I´ve been living with you long time, a pair
of men more won´t disturb me. What does it have to do with his squad?”
“Because women´s barracks are now so crammed that had been necessary request
some of them to move. And one of them will be moved with us”
“Then she´ll be in danger cause of you” Hanji pointed out “Although.... At
least I won´t have to shower alone” she began to miss the another females on
that scrawny and tiny derelict building “And you don´t mind that, Levi? I
thought you thought it was tiresome I was there”
“I don´t give a fuck” he replied curtly.
“Of course you dont give a fuck.You were who offered the room adjacent Hanji´s
room for moving her” he wrapped Hanji with his arm and moved her closer
perceiving the impatience of the third on that room each time more obvious
“She´s a gorgeus girl, with orange-coloured hair and big eyes”
“Wow, wow......... So he asked for she moved here expressely” she noted while
she stroked her chin with distrust. Women, something he didn´t show any
interest, but something she always could mock about “That´s could be
suspicious...”
“Of course he did. That girl is one of his future subordinates. When he
delivered the report of her future move, he talked with a serious voice with no
worryings and said he preferred the other soldiers didn´t fluster the members
of his team”.
“EHHHHHHHHHHHH?” she directed to the man hidden behind the press “Levi, why
didn´t you tell me you are going to have a subordinate so cute?”
“It´s a soldier more” he replied seriously.
“Don´t lie, he looks like an angel. You know I am jealous for that”.
“I didn´t choose her for that. She´s good enough to be in my squad, that´s all.
Leave me alone” his fingers paged the newspaper trying to evade that tedious
conversation.
“That´s mean he wants her for him alone. That´s why he had hidden her in our
barrack, for that any other man dare touch her more than him. Not even he
leaves me getting closer to her room” Mike yawned with fake tears on his eyes
“What a pity, we are going to have a cute girl so near and we can´t talk to her
withouth his autorization”.
“I have not hidden her” his habitual apathetic tone of voice. Nothing
surprising “But if she is going to be part of my team I don´t want she get
distracted. Although.... maybe put her next to Hanji will be the worst
distraction she is going to have”.
“So.... Distract her, eh? Come on Mike, go to see our future new little prey. I
feel like seeing if she´s so brave and strong as for be part of the absolutely
unique and bidimensional Levi´s squad” the corner of her mouth hoisted in a
spooky face while she planned her next job.
“............ If I had known it was so fun for you two, I´d have chosen any
other brat”
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
They were seen serenely from the corner to the exterior patio. The new recruits
were training. They glazed fastly and promptly could sight the little figure.
They didn´t know if it was cause of the optic effect of sunrays reflecting over
the meadow or cause of the fatigue. Or maybe it was due to the shine on her
hair. But the girl seemed be surrounded by a light halo.
“I told you she was a cutie, Hanji” he looked around trying to find his partner
“Hanji? Hanji?”
He turned the sight forward and saw the woman running towards the tiny girl,
who, when saw Hanji, scared and left motionless. Hanji received her with a big
hug hoisting her from the ground. She seemed to be in a panic attack without
being able to react. A strange and arrogant woman was caressing her on a
strange and embarrasing way.
“You are really cute, come to my squad and abandon Levi, please. I´ll treat you
fine and we´ll sleep together talking about researches and new discoveries. I
asked a lot for women, but they didn´t show me any woman profile which fitted
in what I needed. But If you want I can ask for transfer you and-” she talked
in a rush barely breathing.
“Ah, ah, I......... You must be captain Zoe. Nice to meet you, my name is Petra
Ral. The captain has talked a lot about you”
“About me?” the impressed girl began to take down the tiny woman.
“Yes, when he did the introduction with the rest of my mates mentioned about
the rest of the captains and talked us a lot about you. I think you are a great
leader, miss Zoe. Despite he express himself in a rude, ill-mannered and
impolite way, I think you get on well with him. It seems he esteems you”
“Woah, so Levi talks about me when I´m not near... Tell me more”
That was strange. She never expected he could appreciate her. And... Why was
she so happy for that fact? She couldn´t know why she was so pleased for he
talking about her. And, again, that pain in her chest. Wounds? Wasn´t she
completely recovered? She decided to forgive those strange feelings. Only
wounds, they are only wounds, she forced herself to think.
That same night, Petra, settled in the room next Hanji as it was predetermined,
for her own safety. Sincerely, she made glad having another woman between those
walls, so the schedules of shower wasn´t only for her. And she wouldn´t have to
feel alone in those moments.
Undoubtely the young girl was very cheerful and likeable, so they got along
fastly. The hour of the shower became almost a ritual for both. First Petra
knocked shyly the door, and Hanji went out covered in a towel with any type of
shyness. Sometimes, her subordinate wondered if before she arrived there, she
showed the same lack of shame.
Although those doubts dissipated when she saw her future captain restraining
mister Zakarius and urging him to leave the building during some hours joining
the rest of captains and leaders who were there.
They got undressed and Hanji gazed at the smooth and spotless skin of the girl.
Without any type of flaw, even some zones were covered with tiny freckles which
make her body still more alluring and irresistible. All that was embellished
with elegant ways and her measured way of talking. It was evident she was a
girl well-behaved.
Despite of being short, she have a beautiful curves. Her hair was smooth and
straight. A little longer than Hanji used to have, tied back in a little braid
on her back. But when she let it loose, it didn´t show any tangle, in contrast
to hers.
It caused her a deepest envy. Even, being so young, she could notice that the
pass of the years and the intense fight hadn´t still destroyed her body. Her
smooth skin, white and without defects, no marks of combat. No scars.
How long could she keep that? Maybe she could, in contrast to her, she hadn´t
pass long part of her life with wounds already acquired for her whole life
“You are very attractive, no doubt. You have a beautiful body and a nice face.
Somebody was generous with you when made you”
“Th-thanks miss Zoe. B-but don´t say those things, y-you also are beautiful”.
Hanji looked herself on the old mirror of the bathroom. Cause of the cares of
Levi, her aspect didn´t have so many scars, she also gained weight. Her
breasts, cause of being so many time resting without her habitual tight had
taken advantage of it for growing a little more. She barely could regconize the
woman in front of her. She didn´t see herself still more feminine, not even saw
herlsef different. But, when comparing to another woman so evidently remarkable
couldn´t avoid feeling a little blurry with herself. In any way her physique
seemed a little sweetier than she remembered. Or maybe it was only a illusion
cause of her last months of boredom. And again those strange feelings on her
chest. Why do I feel different? Maybe, that´s thanks to Levi´s cares.And again
the pain on her chest. Why I feel so strange those last days? Fucking midget,
you are the worst doctor I´ve never know. You didn´t healed me
well....Whatever, I don´t want to give it importance. She soaped up her hair
and entered on the closer shower to the little girl.
“Petra, being so pretty you must have had lots of boyfriends” she let out
without prioring warning.
“Ah, no” her cheeks red-coloured instanly “M-my parents wouldn´t leave me it”
“Suitors, maybe?”
“My father doesn´t like so much those things, so never.... I´ve never have so
much relation with the boys of the distric where I lived. Not until I joined
the army. There, I suposse........ with my army-mates. A-although that´s not
mean I.... have done..... anything....”
“So, you never kissed anybody?”
“N-no....” she answered with her cheeks still more and more coloured “A-and
you, captain? I s-suposse that for being older....”
“Me....” she stayed thoughtful “I could say yes, although....” she remembered
the touch of the lips from his old friend over hers with longing. Only cpr,
that wasn´t any kiss.This was his words “It´s better don´t think to much on
that”
“I see....”
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Mornings intensified and passed unhurried. As the rest of them she have lived
there before, she proceeded to wake up and directed to personnel´s room. She
didn´t last so much in finding her little, blushing and shy new mate carrying a
tray with her breakfast. She didn´t hesitate and sat next her, she was better
company than the other sullen and curt cadets.
The breakfast, as the same as all the meals they served on that dining room
were bland, tasteless. Food prepared beforehand and with no originality. It
included boiled eggs, juice, milk and coffee. No toasts, no cereals. She missed
her meals on the hospital. Heating milk, accompanied with fresh fruit and all
type of feast you only could taste if your life was in danger. An authentic
honor dealing with it was destinated to dying people. She laughed at that
thought. Petra cleared her throat, interrupting her feelings.
“Miss Zoe.... Do we can cook here?”
“Yes, a bit. Why? What do you want to do? I don´t know if they leave us
entering in the kitchens of personnel, but if you are proposing breaking the
rules and cook something more decent from what they serve us, I´ll support you
and defend if they caught us”
“No! I-I don´t want to get into problems when I´ve just arrived. I-I just
wonder if.... If we buy the ingredients.... If they let us cooking something
different in our free time.... A pie... maybe, something sweet.... Like
this...”
“I see....Do you want to make a cake heart-shappered for Levi?” she hummed with
happiness.
“Ah, I, not, no, no, no!” showing herself so nervous only intensified more her
charmings. Hanji noticed the glazes she directed to him, and also her way of
talking about him. “I-I just thought.... we could make a welcome retinue for
the back of the team left days ago. I thought it was a good idea that after the
hard battles they have to bear....”
“Petra, you are so sweet and generous that I´m pretty sure all the people in
that room (even myself) would marry you without doubting”
“M-miss Zoe, don´t say so embarrasing things”
“What could we do....” she thought on Erwin and the time she hadn´t seen him. A
little moan on her chest. Again reticence from her old wounds? “Hummmm, it
maybe a good idea. I´ll try they give us a disuse zone, alright?”
“T-thanks”
Collecting the ingredients for the elaboration of the caked wasn´t too
dificult. But too expensive. The city dealers used to abuse about the prices.
Not even her condition on the army could suposse an incentive for them to low
their exorbitant prices. Too many time without being near of the stoves with
the intention of cooking and began to doubt about her skills.
It would be a hard task. Hanji haven´t been without cooking since she lived
alone on her barrack. More o less 3 years ago. Maybe 4. Really, she couldn´t
remember for certain when was the last time she has cooked on that quarters.
Petra seemed so coordinated and get used to those task that she tried not
showing so absentminded in front of her subordinate.
Even that, her clumsy was demonstrated 20 minutes later. Ashamed, she passed
Petra the whipping ribs for whisking the whites ones. She took a look to the
kitchen.... It was incredibily messy and dirty.
“Levi is gonna kill me” she thought.
“Miss Zoe...” Petra began to talk again. “Do you know if....if Lev-...if the
captain has a fiancée?”
“Oh, not. He has nor girlfriend nor lover”
“Ah.....” again thoughtful. “B-but...... he...... likes someone else?”
“Well, that...... I think so.” she knew about the feelings of the little girl
about his friend, but she didn´t considerate correct lying her. “But promise me
you won´t say anything about that”.
In a certain way, she remembered herself with the commander, she didn´t wanted
to damaged her nor making illusions innecesarily. And, in other way it was his
friend and mate, so quiet and siently she couldn´t image what class of reaction
he´d have if she tell him about her feels. She didn´t think he would reject her
violently, but Petra seemed so fragile and delicate that doubted that the
strange and curt ability of Levi of expressing himself was the most right for
treating her.
Again that fucking pain when she thought on him. Was she afraid about Petra´s
feelings? Why was she wondered about how would he rejecting somebody? Maybe in
the same way he rejects me, you are filthy shitty-glasses, go to get a fucking
shower.She laughed in a low voice.
“D-do you know who is her?”
Her. That misterious woman he talked about long time ago. Hanji pondered the
question one moment, she haven´t come back to talk about that fact since they
left that cave. But she had wondered about who could she be, but didn´t dare to
ask him again. Not because the curiosity didn´t overwhelmed her, only becase
she doubted he answer.
“The truth...... I´ve never asked him about that. It´s his private life, I
don´t think it be a good idea interfere on that. Although I think it would be
funny knowing which type of woman he likes. I meet him since long time ago, but
he never seemed to me as somebody interested in women. He is pretty odd”
“Y-you are right.... I ´m sorry. And you?”
“My types of men?”
“No, no,... I mean... If you are married or have....”
“No, I´m not. It´s forbidden. Captains can´t get married”
“That´s sad. Can´t have somebody to love”
“I didn´t say we can´t like anybody? We can do as we want without being
catched. Being lovers or sleep with somebody. I shouldn´t tell you that, but
that´s the truth. If you want to have an affair, don´t shout about it. Be
discreet and don´t allow it interferes on your work”
“Oh, then, you......”
“If I like somebody? That´s a bit complicated to explain, Petra. As your
superior, you rather should understand I cannot tell you about that”
“N-no. I-I apologize for that.... I mean that.....” she pondered before to
continue. “What do you think about the captain? I mean, you get on so well...”
“Well,.... he´s a grumpy dwarf, antisocial, violent, churl.... Although....
when he wants he can be very kind. But he´s an idiot who shows her friendliness
on a incoherent ways” the large mop moistened with the liquid that was over the
shelf she was ordering. “I told you before, he´s weirdo”.
“Kind?” she surprised at her comment. She´ve never seen that man who would be
her future captain showing no shred of friendliness. Just an actitude strict
and severe to all his allies. Perphas that friendliness is only showed at
certain persons,she thought. That with he had developed a bond of trust in the
battlefield. Something she was still unconnected.
A little figure heared the conversation backed on the door. He left going away
from that while he gather the last words he could remember.
“Kind, what a silliness” he mumbled.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
The awaited return, it was pouring. Hanji took the result of her hard work on
those days and served it on the dining room. All the soldiers were very happy
and triying to make passes at the little Petra. They seemed more interested in
her than the improvised-welcome feast. Hanji looked everywhere, the soldier she
was more interested here wasn´t there. Maybe on his office, as always. A
commander doesn´t have time for spare time. That were the words he used to say
lastly. She cut a little piece and arranged to carry him it. Perphas it wasn´t
too sweet or tasty. But she would obly him to swallow it before he gave an
excuse. This wasn´t to be a busy day for him. And less after having waited his
return for so long.
While she left, a deep grey eyes followed her towards the door. She, external
to this gaze, continued serenely revising the rehearsed words since weeks ago.
She walked eager but with care. The floor was quite wet cause of the rain.
Maybe even a bit slippery. The gummed sole of her boots barely let her walk
coherently. She could already sight the coarse crystal with arrived to his new
office. A bit opaque and maybe rickety.
As far as she approached, she reviewed the words she want to say for welcoming.
Maybe ask about his wounds, or what they got. Achievements. Fall. Loss....
Then, she discerned it, another person apart of him was on that office. That
person wasn´t wearing an uniform, but a lovely pinky long dress. The fabric
didn´t seem excessively good expensive, but undoubtely was something more
attractive than a cadet would wear on her day off. Different from was she wore
of course. On that moments, Hanji only wore a black tight suit with a white
shirt she considerated quite comfortable. Even Petra wore a long skirt with a
colour not so attractive.
Somebody wearing in a pastel tone with light detals of cherry soot wasn´t known
for her. A precious and slight blonde brad fell until her waist. A woman with a
voluptuous figure and unknown for her. She wasn´t a soldier, the figure of that
woman didn´t belong to any of the members of the army she could regconize. And
her commander was hugging now this figure.
Driven by the panic, she turned round and began to run in opposite direction,
not being aware she stepped on, bumped into Petra, staining the clothes with
the glazed.
“M-miss Zoe, are you fine?” she tried to remove diligently the chocolate´s
stains with a handkerchief, but barely she anything. Hanji didn´t stop as if
she needed to go out from there no matter what.
“Ah, yeah, don´t worry. I should go getting changed right now” she forced a
smile without daring look at her. “Petra, make me a favor, could you pick up
all this and carry a new piece to the commander?”
“O-of course”.
Her long legs began to move at full speed. As if they weren´t fixed to her
body. Only joint with a only thought: flee from there. Before she noticed, she
had gone out. The rain fell vigorously over her face, erasing the tears which
leaked from her eyes as she left.
She moved away from the building heading for a woodland zone. She seated and
buried her face on her knees. Despite have forced her phisical condition after
that unceasing jaunt, what hurts her wasn´t the wounds not healed. She knew it.
She knew that pain. I wasn´t any blow.
That lack of blood flow only indicated one thing. Her heart.
She already knew it. But didn´t wanted to regconize. Her mind have made forget
that fact instead of accepting. Erwin would never see her as a woman, because
he already had his eyes set in anyone else. The worst, was that she couldn´t
hate that woman with long and silky blonde mane. Not even knew her, it was
unfair for her own part not doing it. Then, what was all that? Why did she feel
so many sadness?
She wasn´t like that, jealous never became part of her character. Maybe that
pain was only cause of her own mental insanity. Why did she never consider this
option? Her commander was a good man, wisely, gentil, honest; why shouldn´t he
had found any other woman yet?
A beautiful lady, possibly from the city, with good manners. No wounds, no
scars. And she had never hear talking about her. Again that bitterness to him,
towards his misterious presence and his constant disability of telling her
anything about his life. Was that pain because after so long time next him he´d
never trusted in her?
“I´m a idiot”
“Yes, you are” a gap voice resounded behind her. So deep that neither the
constant tapping of the rain over the wet asphalt could fell silent.
She turned inmediately and saw a grey eyes staring at her and bearing the
downpour which soaked his hair. On that moment, it seemed her an image so sad
of herself being there, stained of the ground that her arrogance was stronger
than her humility and proceeded cleaning her chicks stained by her own tears.
“It´s cold, come back inside, Levi”
“I know it, but I needed going out”
“Are so noisy the boys that you don´t dare hearing them trying to pull with
your subordinate?”
“I don´t matter that”
“And why has you came here?”
“You passed running in front of the dining room. You went on this direction”
“I just need a minute. Just this. You can leave now”
“..............” He continued standing up not proceeding to obey her order.
“Levi, you...........have you came after me?”
“................” no answer.
“It´s not necessary you worry. I just........ need to vent a little and......
and I´ll be the same as always” her body trembling. She didn´t know if it was
cause of the sadness, the cold she felt on that moments. O simply the impotent
which have generated in all her being.
“If you need to cry, cry” he cleared his throat while sitting next her.
She noticed how muddy was the land, but he didn´t seem matter it. It seems that
in some occasion his neat sense of the cleanliness was forgotten by other
reason. On that moment she made glad that accompany her on that hard moment was
the reason why he abandoned that obsession of him.
“Thanks. You are a great friend” she nestled on his shoulder leaving the tears
flow with no rest. The drops which fell from the sky continued hidding her
tears. Despite that, she was comfortably. She didn´t mind the humidity or the
cold. He was a man of few words, although he didn´t need so many. She was happy
for relying on him as backing her, but it hurts her treat him on this way.
Few times she had thought on him in other way. He always had seemed a strange
man, possibly marked by a traumatic past, similar to hers. But so excesively
painfull that he denied talking about that. Maybe he haven´t so lick as her as
finding somebody who cares so well of him as Erwin did with her. On that
moment, she wished have know him before, maybe her relation wouldn´t be so
restrictive as was now. Maybe... Stranges feelings crossed her mind: What if
we.....? No, he liked another girl,reminded.
“Levi........ how is everything about that girl you talked me about?”
“...................... I dunno” he answer curtly.
“How can you don´t know?”
“Nothing happened”
“Anything?”
“Nothing”
“Then, your relation is as always, not?”
“Yes.”
“But you like her, not?” what was all this pain when asked that? I rather go
again to the hospital, I think my old wounds are open again. She lied to
herself.
“I don´t know..........She is........................a crazy woman, eccentric,
bizarre, nuts, too talkative, incongruent, foul-mouted,
rude.................... and she is obsessed with another guy.............”
“But I can´t take her out of my mind, not?”
“...............................................................”
“Sometimes, we want to resist our own feelings, trying to see only the negative
facets of somebody to contrarrest them. It´s a way of lying us for not
regconizing what we really think” then, why I never did it with Erwin? For me,
he was always great and amazing. But Levi.......why am I thinking on him now?
Focus, Hanji, he likes another girl, don´t dare.Lied herself again.
“Maybe” it fell and fell with no rest. No stopping, drop after drop. A
torrential came from the east that would last lot in abandoning them. At least,
that night wouldn´t do. Enough for them in that moment.
“......................................When did you noticed of yours about
Erwin?............”
“I think............ I was 13. When I decided joining his group. I wanted to be
next him. Until them, for me he had been a brother. But, then, I think, I
joined the survey corps for protecting him as he did with me all those years.
As if I have a debt with him. When I noticed, I waited longing to arrive his
day-off to pass it with him”
“.............................”
“Altough..............I began to think that my whim was like a little girl who
took out his toy. As if my father didn´t pay me so much attention.
Because...........I can´t neither hate her nor feeling jealous....... I suposse
I am stupid.”
“You are”
“And you?”
“Me what?”
“When ….................did you noticed that girl was in your interests?”
“.......................................”
The girl waited patiently. She knew that his mate was too close at telling
those things. In fact, she didn´t know if he has shared those feelings with any
other person who wasn´t herself. She stroke him that Leviwho only appear in
front of her, quite cozy.
“You´ll continue keeping going until I answer, right?” he said finally.
“You know me. You know how I am. Come on, tell me” she persevered. “We are
friends, not?”
“I really don´t know” he sighed with deference. “First time I talked with her,
she seemed a weirdo, on a single subject. A pain in the ass. Obsessed with her
work. Hearing her talking only gave me headaches and I wanted to hit her
fucking ass every day to shut her up. And I don´t know how I haven´t still done
it. She didn´t seem to any other woman I´ve known before. Maybe it was for this
reason” an expression of gloom emerged on his face.
“By the way you talk about her, it seems you are falling in love with her” she
began to laugh. And feeling jabs on her heart. She didn´t know why it hurt so
much hearing those words. Again the olds wounds? Come back to the
rehabilitation between those spotless and white walls scard her. It was better
to hung in there that strange pain that bothered her. Perphas, next morning it
would dissapear join all the regrets she felt on this moments.
“That............... would be a problem” he lowered his head thinking.
“A problem?What nonsense. Are you afraid of being human and fall in love with
other person? It happens to the harder of us. Once you fall you can regret. Or
maybe you don´t want to cry on my shoulder as I do now? You know I wouldn´t
laugh of you for that” I don´t want nobody damage you, Levi.Thought without be
able to say.
“I didn´t say that. I said that would be a problem for who sheis”
That makes Hanji reacts. Undoubtely she didn´t know who was that woman who
trashed his feelings. But didn´t understand, who was her as for suposse a risk
falling in love with her? A high position girl? A girl from the city? An old
lover?
Round her head only passed images of hundreds of woman who she´d kill
undoubtely for making him suffer so. The woman who had got putting nervous that
man of impenetrable gaze had to be incredible. She was unable to surmise a face
for that misterious girl.
For years, she had seen loads of women incredibily beauty getting closer to
him, but he rejected all them. She began to feel a big curiosity for knowing
who was that woman, but not only for knowing which type of woman drew that
sourpuss.
She had other reasons, but she ignored the groan of her heart linking them to a
relapse of her old wounds. Dazzle, unable to see what originated on her
interior.
“Why it has to be a problem you fall in love with her? Who is her?” she
answered without noticing she raised the voice. Completely nervous and irate.
“You”
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Thanks for reading. Next chapter, coming soon.
 
 
 
***** Nexus in common *****
Disclaimer: Snk belongs to Hajime Isayama. This fic was written one year ago
(in spanish) and now I am going to translate chapter by chapter into english. I
hope you like my version of Hanji´s past (and also Erwin´s and Rivaille´s)
before the fall of the wall.
English is not my first language, so I apologize for the possible mistakes.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Her breathing had fastened. Was it true what she just heared? Rivaille loved
her....? No, I had to be a joke. She looked to that grey eyes trying to find a
trace of doubt, nervousness, something that indicate he was mocking of her.
Nothing, he stared at her, practically without winking. A deep sight which
seemed insinuate he wasn´t playing and that he just told was serious.
Then it was true? That stupid woman who makes her comrade suffer was herself.
So many days telling him about her feelings towards her superior. Perphas that
hurt him more. But she was so innocent that couldn´t think she could have a
person who think about her on that way. The image she have of herself every
time she bathed wasn´t of a woman who could get somebody feel attractive to.
Still less get to wonder a feeling so deep, of love, towards her.
She felt pathetic, stupid. A fucking blind dork. Tears broke out again. She
lowered her head, ashamed. She couldn´t hold that deep sight for longer.
“I......I´m sorry....... I..... didn´t know anything....”
“I know it”
“Rivaille......I....” she lowered still more the head for hiding her face
completely flushed, she didn´t know what to answer.
“I know my answer, it´s not necessary you say anything”
False, she even could know what she felt for him. Each time was more untrue
what just happen. That man, with gloomy look and few talkative had just confess
her his fondness. Her, who never had considered herself able to get a man to
have a crush on her. Less the most strange man she had known.
She remembered the way he saved her life months ago. She didn´t derserve that
kindness. Without noticing she grasped his back strongly. So many things had
happened that noon.
Erwin and that misterious woman. Looking how had came back just the half of her
comrades. And discovering that a person who had won a space on her heart had
fallen in love with her. And she was unable to put in order her feeling as for
discerning if that torrent of uncontrolled beats was for him or not.
She grasped harder letting all those restrained feelings dominate her. She
raised her head and burying it on his shoulder, she stopped crying. She only
need to think with tranquility, the which one he gave her.
He returned her the hug and they stayed like that for a while. The smell of wet
mud, halted breeze, rain. None of those fragances could decrease in the least
his odd aroma. She didn´t think it was at all special or peculiar, but on those
moments she got the feeling it was tremendously anaesthetic.
Step by step the tension lowered and they separated slightly. The boy raised a
hand and moved aside the wet locks from her face. She couldn´t sustain his
gaze.
What must I do?, she thought. She wasn´t sure about what she felt for him. She
wanted to be unfair and refuse him without being assured. Really she wanted
that? She wanted to refuse him?
Her head turned around while the rain continued falling over both of them. She
didn´t know what to do. She needed time. More time. She didn´t think it was so
selfish ask for more time as for giving the necessary instructions to her brain
for processing all that.
Unexpecting, he grasped her chin and began to get closer her face. Was he going
to kiss her? Instinctitively, she closed her eyes. She didn´t know why, she
didn´t want to stop him. She wanted it passed. Remembering that wet touch from
months ago. But this time it would be for pleasure, not necessity.
Pleasure, a word that dissipated so from her mind. She never expected to want a
relationship with nobody further than merely professional or further
friendship. As longer as she liked Erwin she never imaginated how would it be
having him as partner.
Undoubtely, it hasn´t been a kiss as the kiss ussually are, but she still
remembered that touch. And she would remember in a few seconds. That what she
wanted, remember it.
She could feel his breath getting closer. The air which espired from his nose
brushed agains his skin telling her he was close. She squeezed lips waiting for
the impact.
But never arrived, she felt a sweet pression near her mouth, between her lips
corner and the cheek. A kiss so tender and sweet than she wanted to cry again.
“What?” she asked ashamed.
“What what? What´s wrong now?” he replied a bit strange. Maybe, nervous?
“Weren´t you going to kiss me?”
“Of course not, I am only sending you to bed. It´s cold, shitty glasses.”
“No, you do were going to kiss me, but you didn´t” she wanted this? Was she
decepcionated for haven´t got being kissed by him?
“It´s a good-night kiss. I knew I shouldn´t have dare to do it....” he mumbled.
“Hurry up and go to bed”.
“That´s not the question. I-I mean, you have told me you love me and-”
“I didn´t say that...” he interrupted her.
“....And later you tried to kiss me and... And I am confused because I dunno
if-” she continued talking without paying attention to him.
“I wasn´t trying to kiss you” he mumbled again.
“...I like you or not. I mean, I think yes, but I don´t know. You are so
fucking weirdo I can´t think about you as I think about the rest of the
people”.
“You are the weirdo one”.
“I am less abnormal than you. You are the only one who scare all the people
even while pooping”
“Fuck you, shitty glasses. You are scarier than me. I saw you last month
shouting to a nurse while you was fucking sick because she was getting away
your fuckin´ books about fuckin´ insects and soil”
“Levi........ she........... the nurse....... gave me back them later. Did
you.....?”
“I don´t know what you are talking about”
“.......”
She stared at him. She couldn´t concentrate in his feelings if he tease her on
this way. It was so difficult. But she needed to assure about what she thought.
Maybe she was daydreaming or maybe exagerating it.
Well, he said he was interested in somebody who was especial for him. And that
person was being a constant headache for him. She interpreted it as love, as
longer as she knew him, that´s what she thought. Perphas his feelings were less
pational. Only attraction, or as she felt for Erwin, he felt about her as his
sister. Why it hurts so much if she was only as his sister for him?
“You think about me..... as your friend? Or your sister?” she asked finally.
“None of them.”
“None of them?”
“That´s so fucking annoying. Agh, I suposse, what you say before, idiot. I
suposse you were correct for one in your life about anything which isn´t titans
or experiments.”
“What I said......” of course, she said that complicated word, love. Why was
her heart so fast? She was happy for that? “Levi, can I think about this?”
“Do what you want” he stood up and began to go away “Get changed already or
you´ll have to come back to the hospital and I am too much busy as for taking
care of you again, shitty gla-” he stopped suddenly “Hanji”.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Her head weighed. The light entered dimly across her room´s window hurting her
eyes. Slighlty she woke up. She still was wearing the same clothes from the
night before. She began to undress when a smalls knocks on the door came her
back to the reality.
“Miss Zoe, It´s me, Petra..... As y-yesterday you disappeared suddenly, I was
worried about you”
“Ah Petra, came, came”
She took off her clothes fastly and opened the wardrobe looking for a clean
uniform. Barely could find some civile garment. Nothing which she could go to
work that day. Danmit, the shock from the day before made her forget important
issues.
“M-miss Zoe, Haven´t you still put into your uniform?” Petra looked surprised
at finding her superior only covered with her underwear. She knew about her
abscense of shyness, but even that, she still stayed stunned on that class of
situations.
“I-I think I forgot to carry my uniform last time. I don´t have any other for
changing. And if I wear a dirty one Erwin will punish me....Petra..... can you
lend me one yours?”
“O-of course!” she hurried coming back her room understanding what happened.
Hanji sat on the head for a while a remembered the fact from the day before.
Dream, reality. What was the real true?
“And now how am I going to look at him?” she sighed in a low voice.
She broke down over the bed and devoted a seconds to stare at the roof. What
was she going to do now?... Her head didn´t stop making her dizzy, recreating
one and another that tender kiss. She closed the eyes trying to understad why
she wanted on that moment he had diverted a few inches.
“B-but what am I thinking?” she stood fastly “Why was I going to want that
midget clean-freak kiss me?.... Why was he to....?”. Something took her out of
her thoughts. The little Petra knocking again at the door.
Duty called her. A good soldier didn´t have time to those headaches. The future
leader from 4th squad still less.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Undoubtely, the diferences between both was evident. The uniform was too tight.
The pants were a little short, but she could dissimulate it with the boots. But
her backside tighted too much cause of her complexion stronger than Petra.
But the shirt....... was so close-fitting... Hanji wasn´t too voluptuos, but a
smaller size than hers marked too much her female shapes. She wasn´t get use to
at all to wearing something so tight. Always loose and drape. Comfort before
than anything.
“I-I am sorry...... Maybe it would better if you ask the captain for lending
you a shirt....”
“Don´t worry! While it doesn´t break I´ll be fine.” she laughed happily. “What
can be the worse can happen?”
In a bad moment she said those words, she regretted it later. All the men from
the headquarters stared at her as if they just discovered she was a woman. Lots
of them mumbled pointed at her brazenly.
Under their attentive gazes she felt naked, as if they were dissecting her with
the eyes. That same day she would go to look for a new clean one. She didn´t
think into pass this embarrassment again. She felt as if she lost the respect
of her own subordinates at noticing how, all the women, maybe more or less, all
have breasts.
She entered in the captain´s room as fast as she could. The first person she
found was her commander, so early-rising as always. She seemed as being there
severals hours.
“Woah, Hanji, you arrive early, I want you revise all those rese-” the man
raised the gaze and stared at the woman attentively claming up.
“Y-yes, I´ll do it right now.” She scratched the crown taking him off the
reports, sittting on her table and without stop of laughing nervously.
“Hanji.... you....”
“..........Yeah, Erwin?”
“You look.... different....”
“........ On what?” she lowered as she could con the chair and tried to close
her jacket for concealing her breasts marked by the thigh fabric.
“Something nice must have happened to you, because today you look especially
feminine, different from the habitual way of behaving. As if you have entered
on the skin of the other woman. You are very pretty”
“Ah, you say it for the shirt?” she sighed resigned. “It´s from Petra, I forgot
sending mine to wash it, and I couldn´t come naked to the quarters. I supossed
you caught me. Tomorrow I promise I won´t forget my uniform and this won´t
happen again” she giggled still more ashamed for being discovered.
“Shirt? No, I said it for...” Erwin wasn´t a man who paid attention to little
details so worldly as the clothing or the hairstyle, so his words puzzled her
each time more. “.... Becaue you look like a girl who come back from a date
with her boyfriend. Is there anything you didn´t tell me?” he opened his mouth
showing his perfect teeth with an strange expression, similar to a collusion
smile.
Those words caused a blushin still bigger. Boyfriend? Her boss knew pretty well
she´d never had a partner, asking that was strange. If she didn´t know he well,
he seemed as he had witnessed the night before. Althought, to this game could
play both.
“Erwin......... Aren´t you who isn´t telling me anything?” she asked with a
playful smile. She didn´t know why the pain at remembering that woman had
dissapeared. “Yesterday I saw you with a gorgeus girl with blond long hair.
Don´t try to dissuade me, I saw her perfectly. He looked really pretty.”
“She....” the man lowered the gaze with a slightly assent, as if it was gloom.
“....She is an old friend”.
“Just friends? How boring you are. I thought you made me glad at knowing I have
cast aside finally of you. For a while I thought I would be the one who would
have to marry you. Erwin, aren´t you the enough man for her?” she mocked of
him.
The man got closer calmly to her table and leaned over her slowly. He seemed
ready for reprehend her for his threaten actitude.
“You know well that in the army aren´t allowed any type of relationships. I´ve
never tried to overtake this limit. I joined this battalion for a reason. For
preserve our future”. His voice denoted his autority as commander. “Hanji, if
you have decided to begin a relationship, I must warn you as your superior:
it´s forbbiden under any concept.” the girl lowered the gaze sadly. “However,
as old friend, I ´ll you I won´t be the one who let know this fact”. He winked
an eye with belief.
Hanji smiled with nostalgia, after a sea of doubts, she had verified her
superior continued being the same as always. Her admiration for him didn´t stop
growing. She waited that on her deep down that huge respect never dissapeared.
“And what´s the name of your fian-.... your friend?”
“Helenka. She is a nurse I met long time ago, in the hospital they hospitalized
in your chilhood. Maybe you remember her....”
“Damn you! All this time you went to see her and not me!” Where was all the
regrets she felt the day before? Dissapeared. Or have it really existed in a
beginning? The most she thought about it, the most she thought that had been
only resenment cause of Erwin didn´t tell her all she wanted to know. Not only
about his private life, she began to think he didn´t also talk to her about her
secrets plans. That infuriated her a lot. “My façade from you has just razed”
she leaned back dramatically and without can restrain the guffaws.
She did´t know why after talking with him, those stranges feelings she felt for
him definied better. Undoubtely, he was like an old brother for her, maybe as
her protector father for who she hurt if he was damaged. Just this, nothing
more. If he had been more sincere with her, she wouldn´t have suffered so that
night.
“So well, who is the famous lucky one you stole his heart?”
The gate opened all at once before she could answer. Levi entered in the room
followed by Mike who walked with a strange and tired smile. She didn´t know why
but on Levi´s cheek could notice a clear swelling which continued to his eye.
Hanji lowered the gaze sharplu and sank onto the reports. Work, she was there
for working, any other thing. She had to forget all the stuff which isn´t
related to this. Friendship, romance. Not now, not on these moments. But, could
she ignore the hurt on her chest? Was it cause of Levi? No, ignore it, you
don´t have time to think in love. What´s wrong with me? Why am I thinking in
love? It´s so complicated...Erwin stared at her and later to man caused of her
aparently headaches. Hanji looked so painful, and worried. Would it affect her
work? That could be troublesome.
“Woah Hanji, today I see you especially alluring. Did you have good news
yesterday?” Mike greeted at her looking at the tight shirt. He just do paying
attention to those things.
Levi noticed the detail and seated on her table thoughtful avoiding her gaze
and faking concentration in other thing unconnected to her. Or maybe just only
her perceived thus and all that he said tonight have been fodder of her
imagination.
“I think the one who got good news yesterday were you. What´s with that
exhausted face, Mike? You and Levi look a bit....”
“Well....”
“Stop chatting, please.” Erwin interrupted them. “Good morning, today we have
to do some stuffs” he began to say while delivered them some papers. “Miss Zoe
had already received the reports I want her to fill, you, Zakarius must
actualize the list of joining/loss of the army. And about Levi....”
“But, Erwin. Making all this work alone it´s a madness” Mike interrupted her.
“In each expedition died hundred of soldiers. I´ll take me weeks to do it! What
is my squad going to do meanwhile?”
“Only weeks? I´ll talk to the other commander if they want you also revise the
listing of the other corps. If you are worried about your squad I´ll asign them
the typical task of training and support. I need you here. If we exerted
ourselves more in the mission, there wouldn´t be so many names to fill. For
your own good, you´d better do it without complaining.” His gaze turned
threatening.
Undoubtely, something had happened that night between those three, thact
threatening and serious actitud from Erwin wasn´t normal. Much less permisive
and even more intransigent.
“And about you, Levi” he resumed still staring threatening at the boy who
returned the gaze. “I think it would be necessary to check and clean all the
cannons from the walls. The three of them. that´s nice for you, not? I know you
are quite good with this, not only in the battlefiled. Take all the soldier
from the troop you need and proceed to revise the cleaning of this”
“As you want, Erwin” he answered with a gaze still more deep than always.
Hanji looked the scene open-mouthed. It seemed it was pushing their mates for
something she didn´t have any idea. Probably, when she went to sleep, something
more had happened. Something which she hasn´t been part and didn´t know if she
was going to be excluded from those punishment or not.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
The three corporal went out from there directing to their corresponding place´s
work. Levi seemed having a worst mood than usual. Revision, practises,
cleaning, support, condition´s report. Joinings, loss. During some months that
scene repeated constantly. With the same curtness in the milieu and without
being able to discern anything.
Each day on the same way, arriving tired, with evident fatigue and distant
gazes. Since that strange day she hadn´t come back to talk with any of them
alone, and each hour which passed she the curosity ate away more her.
Without can wait more for knowing the new actitude which have developed between
those walls without she was included on it. Finally, tiredsome after two months
of silence, Hanji followed Mike untl the library and sat next him with her
usuals reports. The hours passed by while he stroked his mustache with each
sheet he actualized. Hanji continued staring at him without saying anything. As
if she expected something.
He was getting nervous for so much attention. Overall, because he knew what she
wanted to hear.
“Are you going to tell me it or not?”
“What?” the beared-man tried to disguise with a fake smile.
“Something has happened between you three. I know it. It´s evident for Levi´s
aspect and yours. And even, all those ridiculous works? During two months?!
Erwin is not so stupid for letting the two best soldiers of the Survey Corps
being the maids. Something has happened, I know it. What is it? Why have you
passed those last months being a jerks?” she got closer more to him
inquisitively.
“I don´t know what are you talking about” his fingers slided on his stubble
again. Another sheet more, so boring and tedious. But necessary.
“Two months ago, after Erwin came back from that mission, the next morning all
of you beganto act like an authentic idiots. Erwin gives you absurd orders and
you obey the without complaining. Since when are you thus? I thought you were
more rebel. In fact, I thought Levi was more rebel”.
Sometimes, a subordinate must obey all type of orders. That´s the army, after
all. There´s no much permission for freewil. You know, respect the rules and
obeying whitout say anything.Although some of us can afford wearing something
from someone´s else in public.”
“I told you, that shirt was from Petra. We talked about it. I forgot doing the
laundry and se nicel lend me hers. You know Petra, she wouldn´t mind lend me
the uniform she was wearing at that moment”.
“I am not talking about her clothes. I talk about the odour you have in all
your body. It wasn´t the sweet and fruity smell a girl usually has”
“E-Erwin ussually strokes my head, even in front of you. It´s not so strange I
smell a little like you. I pass the day surrounded by men.”
“I am not saying you smell like me or Erwin. But somebody I didn´t expected
have been the enoughly close to you as for passing his odour. And this day, my
lovely friend, you stank like him.”
“Who?”
“Levi.”
“Agh........” she bit the lip remembering all that night.
The new silences. Lost gaze and anything more than confusion and a new
distancing. She couldn´t say if it was from her or from him. But apart of the
new gatherings, her new work as captains, the summary of dates for their
futures squads kept them permanently far one from the other.
“I see I was on the right track. Then, what there´s between Levi and you? Are
you dating each other? I can smell the tension between both.I could do it since
the begining....”
“The begining. All that shit happened barely two months ago...”
“Sure, I´d say you were dating even before”
“Why do you say that?”
“First of all tell me what´s on with you two.”
“I´ll do it. But in return, I want you to tell me what´s on with all those
stupids works during the last months.”
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Between those books and cadets realyzing reports, she was telling step by step
the story she had lived. It still seemed unreal and nonsense. Any other person
who heared it would have mocked from her. But Mike heared her calmly and
withouth any type of mock on her voice, only approval.
“After that I supossed he would come back to his room” she finished of relating
while taking off her glasses and clean them with a hanky.
“In fact, he did.”
Hanji heared attentively. She creaked her knucles and lied back on her seat as
for having a bigger concentration when hearing him.
“That day I entered on Erwin´s office accompanied by one of the cookers. He
caught me when......hehe...... you know....” he stroked again the thin hair on
his jaw while remembered that moment proud.
“Okey, I understand your punishment.... And Levi? What did he do?”
“Well, we were coming back to the dormitory, when we saw him in the entrance
with his spooky gaze as always. Nothing unusual. And without prior notice, he
kicked the leg of the commander.”
“What?”
“I didn´t know what happened to him, but now you told me that, I suposse he did
that for spitefulness.”
“............”
“Well, the commander returned the hit with a right and oblied us to run until
the sun arised. Few hours before entering to work he let us free. Only for
going to look for our uniforms.”
Hanji heared astonished the stroy. She didn´t know why she started to break
into laughs. This type of things only happened once. Barely had could witness
so funny moments when she was a recent integrated.
“If don´t know why are you laughing. If I were you I would be worried. When I
went to get changed, Erwin continued quarreling with Levi. Even those last days
I´ve seen then talking alone and it didn´t seem anything relative to any
mission. It wasn´t this type of gravity.”
This made her remembering the conversation month ago with Erwin. Probably he
knew something. No, being him, he would know all. Perfect, goodbye to her
privacy. While he interrogated her that morning he already was trying to
enquire her reaction at his subordinate´s declaration.
And for the way so inquisitive in which he had asked her he didn´t seem too
happy with this situation. Had he been all those months pretending not knowing
about Levi´s feeling waiting for her tell him that? Or maybe he guarded him if
he tried to give a step she hasn´t autorized? All was so complicated....
“By all ways, what are you going to do? You like him, not?” his elbow hitted
slightly her ribs, as provocking her.
“To do? What do you want I do? Those types of relationships are prohibited.
There´s nothing more to see as he did with you...”
“Well... I think he got even with me cause.... using his desk on a inadecuated
way...”he diverted his gaze to other part a bit ashamed for his actitude, and
also understanding why he shouldn´t dare do those things. Respect, that was the
word. “And you, come on Hanji, answer me, don´t you die for kissing that grumpy
midget?”
“I …... don´t know what to do..... My head is so dizzy right now....” she
sighed strongly. “By all ways, why aren´t you surprised about Levi´s? He isn´t
the typical guy who wall in love from anybody”.
“Somebody has to be really stupid for not noticing a man who visits a woman
every day and dodge missions during 5 months with any reason feels something
for her. It´s was evident, my lady.”
“......” yes, she was that clase of stupid one.
The came back from meal and restaring their respectives orders. She finished
much before than Mike, so she decided to lend him a hand. Undoubtely years ago
that list haven´t been actualized. At least 3 or 4 years. It wasn´t so strange
he was lasting so much into finish it. Balancing those office works with
gatherings, trainings and squad activities wasn´t very easy.
Hardly , her, who hasn´t still received any answer about they men she had
considered more capable for being under her charge, couldn´t coordinate all
those activities. And, futhermore, there hadn´t any soldier available nor
suitable for doing that task. The persons in charge of this work possible had
died on any expedition or had taken importance away from it.
Mike took suddenly an expediente very well tidy and flicked through with
certain curiosity.
“Hanji Zoe, 19 years old. Speciality: reconnaissance of field and
investigation...” he began to read.
“My expedient is actualiazed? Who was the last who revised them?”
“Erwin, I suposse.... So.... my expedient is here. Mike Zakarius, 26 years old.
Speciality: Great seducer, virirle, handsome, brave soldier, a man without
waste...” he said with an arrogant tone.
“Liar, pass me it, I want to read about your shameful past!”
While both fight with the expedient on their hands, a bundle of sheets knotted,
widther than the rest felt to the floor creating a resounding sound.
Undoubtely, the folder stood out from the rest of them. There was a countless
of sheets inside it threatening with blowing out at any moment.
Hanji bent down to pick it up.
“Who will be the bad boy who has a folder so big for him alone?” she bent down
while opened the folder laughing. “Levi. 23 years old. Speciality: air combat
and hand to hand combat....”
Mike looked at the woman while she read the expedient of the young boy. Some of
the things she read wasn´t unknown for him. At any ocassion he had been in
charge of stopping the troublesome boy for not obstructing the missons.
Undoubtely he hadn´t received so much medals along his life. The room kept
quite for a while while she read in a low voice. Mike continued doing his task
while letting her read. The love,he thought while giggled.
Without noticing, the woman stood up with those papers still on her hands.
“Mike, my expedient hasn´t been actualized by the commander, the last
actualization was 3 months ago. Erwin was in a mission on those moments.”
“So...?”
“It was Levi, he did it.”
“And what´s the matter with it?”
“It means he read about my past and didn´t mentioned something....”
“Which thing?”
“Something I didn´t know we have in common. Why didn´t he tell me anything?”
Before he could stop her, she set off from the room still carrying the
expediente of the little man between her hands.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
The sun set, had been up too many hours. The pavement burnt and projected a
lengthened shadow in all its extension. She looked for him in the walls.
Teorically they should be still cleaning. Maybe on the west-side of Wall Maria.
She took a horse and directed to them. When she arrived, the soldiers were
tidying up. She regconized two of the soldiers Levi chose for his squad. A
blond guy and another tall one. He had to be near. They where closing some
trash-bag base of the walls, but didn´t know where was him.
Levi was obsessed those months with cheking all their work that passed hours
after they left walking around the walls. She continued going over the street
until finding more subordinates in charge of him, nobody knew nothing.
Then, she found a little girl with orange hair. Petra. She surely had to know
it. Always watching him and gracious to his movements.
“Petra, where´s Levi?”
“Heichou? He must be still checking the cannon from west wall. It´s no so far,
a few kilometer from here. If you go riding a horse, you´ll arrive in a few
minutes...”
Without saying any word more, she activated her gear and positioned over the
wall. She started to run to the west. The few soldiers who still remained there
looked at her amazed. Then she saw him. He was passing carefully a rag in the
interior of one of the cannons when she shouted.
“Why didn´t you tell me it?” accusing him, she hanged up the thickness report
which had his name.
The man raised the gaze and regconized that big packet. He knew perfectly what
she discovered. Then, he directed his gaze to her, avoiding her won´t be a good
idea. But he kept silent.
“Why didn´t you tell me you also were on that fire 12 years ago?”
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Woah! It´s so difficult to translate chapter by chapter. And I need more time
to do it, but I am really busy with my job. I´ll try to translate at least a
pair of chapters. I hope you like the story I wrote long time ago.
Thanks so much for reading!
 
***** Connection *****
Disclaimer: Snk belongs to Hajime Isayama. This fic was written one year ago
(in spanish) and now I am going to translate chapter by chapter into english. I
hope you like my version of Hanji´s past (and also Erwin´s and Rivaille´s)
before the fall of the wall.
English is not my first language, so I apologize for the possible mistakes.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
He had barely 11 years old when everything happened. The government decided to
choose some random families as for helping in a strange expedition. He wasn´t
the only one who passed for all those difficult moments. Anothers children
passed for the same dearth as him.
That seemed a confinement camp. The food was lacking, they couldn´t go
anywhere, even not getting away from the base. What class of experiment were
they doing with them?
“Government sucks” he thought for himself.
Those half-dwelling were on line ones after others. Little tents of canvas and
brick precariously built. The disposition seemed similar to dominoes set,
perfect for falling when the first of them fell. Undoubtely, it seemed a
strategic plan plotted for any special reason. And uknown for him.
That day, exactly as the rest of them since he lived there, he was walking next
to that old woman he had get to consider as his mother, a widow who decided to
accept him on her bosom in a fateful moment. And after a long time of
cohabitation she had been forced to participate in that mission. He didn´t had
why accompany her, but, for that teen, that old woman was all he wanted to keep
from his past.
They walked silently staring at the huge plain in front of them. His authentic
family was something he preferred not thinking in. Slighlty, he could remember
his father´s face, but he had already fled from home once as for no facing that
psicotic man.
Deep down, he was pleased for not living with him that torture. Probably he
would like it. It seemed a game destinated to observate who could hang in there
the inanition. At his age he had already seen severals corpses rotting a few
hectares from his assigned zone. They haven´t even try to hide them.
Then he saw, near from a storage zone, happened a fight between two inebriate
men. One of them hit the other and smashed him against one of the gunpowders´s
bag, causing it split. The other man broke a bottle against the land
menacingly.
His grey eyes placed on the rest of the broken glass. The shine discerned away
while the sun played with the piece of glass. It was midday when the first
flame occasioned.
“We have to flee from here! The gunpowder!” his determination grew by moments.
“Water... we needed water...”
The woman with dark hair went running to a close well. She introduced a bucket
of water in it and went out terrified towards the fire.
The boy looked her from away, staring at her heroic act. Undoubtely, that woman
would save the day. Agil, fast thought. Sharp. How many years he had passed
next to her? Less than he wished. Perphas that person which who he didn´t share
family ties was his last chance of finding a family. Not like that he had
decided to dodge, a real one.
A smile suggest on his face when the first explosion occurred. His last smile.
Reddish drops stained his countenance. An arm fell next him. On his finger
could discern an horrible golden sparkle. He would regconize that wedding ring
anywhere. Slightly laminated and with some inscripcions engraved by hand which
he had seen hundred of times.
He began to shout frightened when suddenly, another explosion pushed him back,
making him lose consciousness. His body collided with the floor inflicting him
an state of confusion. A strange hiss around him kept his mind still aware.
Perphas was that a return to his previous life?
He didn´t want to return to that. He would drink stagnant water before than
come back with him. But a voice called him. It was close, too close. A feminin
and childish pitch, nothing similar to that woman. A girl?
“Mom... dad....” a weepy voice away from him was heared.
He opened his eyes slowly and gazed at the scene. All fled terrified while a
little girl run towards the fire. Her legs seemed being covered with that
blackish soot which the gunpowder left and he could apreciate how graves began
to be her burnts.
Suddenly, she fell on the floor and the people stepped over her. At this rate,
they´d kill her, smashing her. He had to do something o she would leave this
world for the stupidity of the frenzied citizens. The young boy stood up with
extreme pain. Fortunately he hadn´t any several wound. He still could walk.
That was enough, while he could stand he wouldn´t leave taking down. Not this
time.
He approached her slowly, she seemed conscious, but very bruised. Barely could
keep awake, her gaze looked lost between the burning pasture which surrounded
them. He stared everywhere, they were alone on that place.
“I need help, damn it!” he shouted while he felt the heat roasting his throat
and penetrating strongly on his nostrils. “This kid can´t move!”
He began to load up her on his back when he felt a horse bringing closer. A
soldier? Really? One of those cowards who left all the citizens at the
slightest chance had come back for them?
The man had a pleasant gaze, he went down his mount inmediately and watched
both children. Blonde hair and blue eyes as the colour of the sky. A cadet, a
rookie. Probably a recently joined with an strange countenance and a
seriousness unlike at his age.
Another fuse setting fire and another trembling cause of the next explosion.
Nimbly he avoid the bits of mire which fell next him. The soldier took her in
his arms and indicate the boy to follow him to his mount. He didn´t think into
discuss this order.
He left the little and half-concious girl on the front and the little boy
behind him, on the rump. He looked quiet but without any type of injury. Maybe,
traumatized for all the vilence he had presenciated in a few whiles.
“My name is Erwin Smit, what´s yours, boy?”
“Levi....”
“So Levi, what´s your surname” the man asked while he cheked the state of the
little girl.
“I don´t have this anymore....” his answer barely get to the hearing of this
savior. It had been silenced by the clamor of the flames and the frenzy of the
people fleeing.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
He didn´t have any several wound. No reason for staying hospitalized. His only
relative alive had died on that fire. He had not any other alternative. Thus he
was sentenced to live in a orphanage. He preferred that instead of coming back
to that place. He wouldn´t last into regret his choice.
The girl he had helped to rescue from the fire, dissapeared from his eyes.
Since that moment when they left her in the hospital. And, he didn´t expected
to see her never again. Will she end also on that disgusting hospice?
That place, was incredibly filthy. Wartime, it was usual finding a countless of
children without parents, so the personnel used to be lacking. But the number
of orphans increased every day. More and more. Crammed in the same living
spaces. Not even a halo of fresh aire for breathing.
Cleanliness wasn´t the essential on that building. That provocked him a huge
disgust when he was roaming through those halls. Driking the stagnant water
they got from the rain. Washing under the water which fell from a rusted pipe,
with the same soap bar for all the male member. Simply repugnant.
He was barely 13, when he decided to flee from those walls. He couldn´t bear
living in a climate so depressing any more. Soon or later, his health would
thank him that desicion. As his mental health. How many of his mates had
commited suicide during the time he was there? Simply kids who preferred
traveling to death world before to preserve their lives there. It was like a
subtle and slow torture.
He didn´t have money, so he decided lodge in a old abandoned hostal. Their
owners, dead, nobody would claim it. he arranged that place and adjusted it for
his taste. After living almost two years on that dump he didn´t want to
rekindle it.
He began to steal food and cash to the pedestrian. He lived at the expense of
the others. He didn´t have any worrying. Fiddles, robberies, assaults. He
always got get out unharmed everywhere. His speed grew with each criminal act.
His body strengthened incredibly, however his height didn´t progress.
While he walked in the street, childs used to mock from his height. He didn´t
doubt into using his strength for giving them what they deserved. That strength
he never wished having, but ironically helped him in those moments.
He was barely 14 when he was over that child. He didn´t know how they got to
that situation. The nose of the child bled and he was unconcious. Probably
he´ll stay thus for hours. Or probably, days.
He stood up and watched his mate who were encouraging the fight minutes before.
The stayed quiet after contemplating the barbaric spectacle he oferred them. He
stared at his fists blood-bathed. His nasty blood. He took of a little
handkerchief and cleaned carefully his hands.
“I´m not going to let that scum like you dirty me” he directed a deep gaze to
the rest of them, scaring them. “If you don´t want to have the same luck as
him, leave now.”
Years passed by and his criminal records increasing more and more each time.
Getting to perpetrate big theft and inflicting horrible beatings.
Despite his strength, forming a band was something which thought subliminal.
Each time he had gathered enough allies for perpetrating his felonies, all them
ended rioting or acting against him. Other, however, didn´t have so licky and
died witouth he was able to protect them. That was why he decided he´ll act
alone, he didn´t nobody more. He didn´t need trusting in nobody more than
himself. That was what he repeated himself continuously.
He had been arrested several times but, afterwards some days, he fled from
those dungeons. Nevertheless, that time was pretty singular. Without noticing,
he had became quite vain and ended getting into troubles with the army. The
worst of his enemies.
He was 19. Numerous records of looting and assault. He could be sentenced to
severals years of jail or even, capital punishment. His future was drawn
straws. He didn´t have too many alternatives.
He had resigned to that possibility, when he received an unespected visit
between those walls. A solier with blue eyes and blond hair.
A face he could never forget in his life. The begin and the end of soft torture
during his entire life.
“Woaw,... life didn´t smile you, right?” he sat down in front of him with a
calm smile.
“Get lost”
“I suposse, you don´t regcnize me. You have changed a lot, I barely can
regconize you after so many time” he lowered his gaze recalling the past. “Some
years ago, I...”
“I remember that fire perfectly. Although I am poor, that doesn´t mean I am
dumb. My memory is still intact”. He directed a deep gaze of disgust to his
interlocutor. “Maybe now you regret have taken me out from thathell. I should
have burnt there. For what it serves me being alive...”
“I don´t know which circunstances got you in this situation. But I am here as a
representant of the army. Having met you previously, doesn´t change the motives
why I am here”. He stood up ready to continue his speech. “You´ll understand
that´s not easy”.
“......”
“I have came to suggest you a contract, Levi, joining the army instead of
rotting in prison”
“Ho, ho, a certain death or living in that filthy place the rest of my life?”
the boy spat ironically.
“You have my proposal. Actually I lead the 15th battalion of the survey corps.
You can join it, if you want”. He turned his back on him letting clear his
intentions of not waiting a immediate answer.
“That child...”
“Sound and safe, maybe you could reencounter her coming soon. But it would be
better you were more decent when you do” he stared at his scruffy and sloopy
hair, his tatty clothes cause of the fights.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
As they had agreed, he joined the army. Undoubtely, he stood out over his
mates. He lost the time uselessly between those queues of useless soldiers. A
month more, his final transfer was requested.
He had cut his hair, on a style more military, shaving the skin below his head.
He tied a white cravat on his neck. When he stared himself on the mirror, he
thought seeing an old shadow from his father. Maybe he wouldn´t be very proud
of him on those instants, but he couldn´t live clung to he had said about his
actitude the last years of his life.
He had drunk the night before his joining, he couldn´t remember why, but he saw
himself involved in a fight. As always, he had ended in those horrible and
dirty dungeons. His new boss went to look for hime quite early. Accompanied by
a man with glasses who seemed pretty effeminate.
“Tche. What type of soldiers join on those moments?” he thought without taking
off his gaze from the soldier.
That noon evening was busy, cleanliness of his new home was exhausting.
Nightfall came when they finished, so his boss decided to show him the living
room taking the chance for carrying the meal to the barrack where they would
live from now on.
“Erwin, not? Tell me, where´s that little girl? You told me I´d see her when I
joined this skanky place. Was this another of your tricks?” he asked while
carrying some trays of food in the return.
“It wasn´t a trick. I don´t have this needed. Didn´t you regconize her?” the
man told off, quite surprised for his question. “I suposse she had also change
a lot.”
“Regconized?”
Minutes after he found a strange woman on the showers. That same soldier who
previously had confused with a effeminate man. At seeing her with loose hair
and no glasses, his mind traveled some years ago. Could it be true?
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Back in present, that same woman stared at him with accusatory eyes. She knew
all, he didn´t have why concealing more about that. In a certain way, it was
like lift the burdem off for having to pretend all that haven´t passed. That he
hadn´t known her before and didn´t remember under which strange circunstances
had been their first encounter.
And despiste that first encounter hadn´t existed, the reality would be the
same. An obssesive scientist for who he wasn´t able to define that need of
having her closer. Always so incomprehensible. That type of matters got upset
him and avoid as possible thinking on them.
“Are you already bored of playing with your test tube and pipette? If your are
going to be wandering around here, be useful and help the rest to clean”
“Stoy saying sillines, you know why I am here!”
“I don´t know what are you talking me about”
“You read my report, you knew I´ve been on that zone as same as you. Why didn´t
you tell me anything?”. Her body trembled trying to contain tears. “All the
kids I knew in that place died later cause of their wounds! Do you think it was
easy for me seeing that!? I would have gave anything for knowing I didn´t was
the only survivor from that fire! Didn´t you know it was me? Didn´t you
remembered me? Didn´t we meet before?”
“We did. And... I didn´t need reading that report for knowing it”. He ignored
her turning back his face towards the arm he had in from on him and going back
to check the work of his subordinates.
Perfectly clean. He already knew it, he had checked it thouthands times, but he
didn´t feel full of life for facing Hanji on those whiles. And less knowing
where that conversation would degenerated into.
“And why didn´t you never mentioned me this?” she hurled that folder fiercely
to the paving floor. A deaf sound which wasn´t barely heard for any living
soul. But it didn´t decreased the presence of the impact. “I want you tell me
all, you stop keeping secrets for yourself”.
“I don´t think that was something which worth remembering”. On his mind still
preserved the image of the inscription on that wedding ring from her adoptive
mother, stained with blood.
The girl moved closer to him. The land was solid under her feet, despite of
being 50 metres of height, she wasn´t afraid of falling. She´ve never walked on
a safer way.
“The reason why you hate Erwin so …. is... because he didn´t save you of going
to the orphanage?” she fixed her gaze on him whithout blinking. “And also
because he forced you of joining the army after had left to your fate that
day?”
“No....” he squeezed his fists while talking. “Really?! Do you really think
those shits matters me in the least?! Do you think that was the first time an
adult left me on my fate?!”
“Levi... enough....”
“I lived a hell on that camp, the only which remembered me the reality was had
crossed the walls with a unconcious girl next to me! It has passed 9 years,
Hanji, 9! I didn´t even know if you were alive!”
“Please... stop...”
“ In my veins runs the same blood of a moron who converted me into what I am
now. The only person who really cared for me died there. And the only good
action which showed I wasn´t the same undesirable as my father dissapeared from
my sight. During 9 years. Do you even know what suposses carrying that load on
your shoulders?”
“Of course I know. I know it perfectly”
“You know nothing”
“I read the report. I know who are you descendent from. And your are not like
him. If you feel like that, share that load with me.”
“My hands are not only stained with the blood of the beast we confront, Hanji”.
“I don´t care, Levi. I am not afraid of you”, her vocal cords emitted sounds
direct and brief, as a song without stanzas. “And I never going to.”
“.... I can damage you.... I can.... break your back with a single man if I
wanted.”
“You can try if you want, but I don´t guarantee you get it.” A low guffaw,
almost dissapearing for the cold which worsened that night.
“...Idiot...”
She always had felt alone, her parents had died. So she decided nerver trust in
anymore, except Erwin. Only him and she in that devastated world. There wasn´t
space for nobody more.
On that world reigned the law of the strongest. If your weren´t strong enough,
you wouldn´t survive. As time goes by you had two options, or die outside or
die inside. If you take te choice of rotting under the shadow of the walls,
probably you would waste your life.
If you went outside, at least you would enjoyed the freedom, the death was a
little price to pay for breathing no foul air. Each time the went in a
expedition, she returned with new scars which marked her body.
But, since he joined her squad, the scars decreased. She thought she had became
powerfull, more mature, more lethal. And with bigger determination. But,
perphas it was also as consecuence he had been taking caer of her. Since she
was a child had been awaiting for she give the correct steps, not letting her
stumble on a whim.
She wondered what would had happened with both of them if they hadn´t passed so
many time without contact. Perphas they had taken opposed destinys. Or maybe
they had ended in the same place. She could never know what would have
happened.
She got closer to him and buried the head on his shoulder.
“I didn´t notice then. I don´t notice now. I feel really stupid...”
The boy began to feel a strange damp on his shoulder. Very similar to what he
felt the night he saw her crying for first time. Cause of rage and frustration,
and on any way he knew it wasn´t the last.
“You are, you are a stupid”. As always, exactly the same of churl and grumpy.
But she didn´t perceive any of those irrationalities while he enclosed her.
“The most stupid woman I know.”
The sun began to reveal little orange waves. The light of that day was
practically lost. It would extinguish until the next morning. They sheltered in
the dark of the night on that comforting embrace. Hanji separated slightly from
the little man and lowered his face until get into the area of his head.
“Levi.......what you told me months ago.... Do you really....?” she sketched
out with a sad smile.
“Think what you want”.
“Can I think....... that...... I want also be with you?”
“That´s what you want?”
“Yes, it is.”
Their lips joined gently. They had been too many time holding back that kiss.
This time she didn´t have he need of longing his lips glide a few centimetres
because they impacted where she wished.
A little figure with orange hair watched on the distance. It slided its hooks
and went down the wall in silence.
 
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
Her eyes opened slowly. She was leaned back over a strange pillow. Too hard,
undoubtely it wasn´t hers. Nor the touch, neither the softness she was got used
to. Not even was fluffy.
She began to grope for with the finger on the fabric. They found a little round
piece with two tiny slots in the middle. A buttom? Step by step, she began to
focus at what she had in front of her. A queue of buttoms. A shirt? Who from?
Her eyes focused the rest of the cloth until she could glimpse where she was.
And she remembered, the day before had been tiring. They have left asleep in
the bed without take off their uniforms.
She sat up slightly and watched the bottom of the bed. They had fallen on it
without even undo the sheets. They still wore the harnesses and boots.
Undoubtely, resting with the ropes of fastening was really uncomfortable,
tightening her body and not made for sleeping. Despite it, in some missions
they had had to pass the night wearing them and the next day she wasn´t able to
walk cause of the immense pain it supossed. But that morning, it seemed she had
slept better than in years.
She turned towards the boy who slept next to her.
She couldn´t stand the laughs at observing his expression asleep. Brow
furrowed, lips bent down and his fine hair perfectly combed.
“Hahahahaha, not even sleeping you lose this expression?” unable to restrain,
she burst into laughter, waking her partner up.
“Mmmmmm...... So soon and you are already organizing such fuss?” he pulled out
his fringe´s hair, while opening his eyes. “I should have left you in your
room.”
The girl continued laughing. Even just woken up showed that deep gaze. He had
to have bornt with that expression of constant grumpy.
“Shut up, idiot, it´s too early, let me sleep” he turned to the other side of
the bed, ready to come back to the land of dreams.
“Okey, okey”. She laid down next him studying at the roof in silence. Not even
there was a paltry dot of dust on the corner of the adornment. “ I think I´ll
go meeting Erwin. Surely he´ll be angry. Yesterday I left my work in Mike´s
hands and I went out behind you, probably will get anger.”
The girl stood up and fit the boots ready to do out of the room. She checked
her harnesses tightened perfectly as always and began to walk towards the exit.
“Wait....” his eyes opened again stopped her. “ That´s how you are going to
leave? I suposse I must be relieve of you don´t see off me with one of yours
stupid and overeacting scen-” she seemed seeing a little of blushing under his
eyes.
“Ohhh... this little embarrasment I see under your eyes is for me? How sweet.”
“Stupid shitty glasses.”
With an agile movement, knocked down her on the bed staying over her. He began
to get closer her face when some strong knocks in the door interrupter them.
“Who the fuck is now?!” he asked bad-tempered.
“Levi, it´s me, commander Smith. I don´t mind if you are not decent, I´m
entering” he announced at the same time doorknob moved.
Hanji threw herself to the floor and hid under the bed. She smothered a groan
at hitting the back agains the floor.
“What do you want?” the little boy inquired while pretending tie his cravat.
“You are already fully-uniformed?” he showed surprised. “Well, that´s better, I
need you and the guys you chose for your squad meet today with Dot Pixis. It
has specified your presence urgently. So don´t lose the time and leave right
now.
“Are they going to let me use them finally for any type of mission? I thought
they had to finish first that stupid training before going out with me. Or
maybe now I have to evaluate them? I told you already I wasn´t interested in
that.”
“Your function will be specified when you be there.”
“As you want, I´ll gather those brats as soon as possible.”
“Thanks.”
That said, the door closed and Hanji went out her hideout barey containing
breathing. It seemed have found her uncertain situation funnier than other type
of deed or archievement she had done before. As a child who was busted stealing
candies from his parent´s pantry.
“Nearly...” she stood up and opened the door slightly staring at his superior
getting away. “ I think he left. I´ll go now too for not raising suspicious.
Bye.” she shook her hand seeing off.
She dissapeared from there and snuck in her room. She wore in her normal
clothes and directed to Petra´s door for asking her to accompany her to
carrying their uniforms. Strangely she didn´t got any answer.
Surely had already gathered with her superior. In that mission which he had
received that early morning. That urgent call from Erwin, something unsettled
her, but didn´t get to discern what could be. Once coming back from the laundry
she found Mike who was saddling a horse and giving order to his troop.
She didn´t know what happened in the army. But today, everybody was too
annoyed. She had already seen other groups that morning and all of them seemed
in constant movement. Possibley had to move the boys which would form her squad
for that instruction. It wasn´t that the way she want to start giving orders as
captain, but doubted the army never thought in her wishes.
“Why are there so many soldiers moving? Will it be for that order that the
commander give before to Levi?” she thought.
She directed to Erwin´s office ready to receive more reports, as always.
Habitual routine, nothing thrilling. She longed going out to the exterior.
Since she left the hospital, she couldn´t be part of any mission. Neither it
had been designed none of them in a soon future.
Boredom, routine, reports. It waited for her a day really tedious. Before she
could touch the knob, an unexpected known figure with silvery hair opened the
door. She seemed so annoyed as she had found all the quarters.
“R-riko, …. what are you doing here?” she was overjoyed. “Did you came to see
me? I have some new reports to tell you. Last week I was working in a
experiment that-”
“N-no, I´m here for working, Hanji. Something...... something serious
happened.”
“Is that why all the people here seems have woken up over-the-top?”
“Hanji, prepare fastly a horse and put on your gear.” His voice echoed a bit
touched. “Accompany miss Brzenska and do all she says”.
“What happened” she asked confused.
“Petra Ral has dissapeared” she comented in silence seriously. “We suspect it
can be a neglect of her post.”
Hanji knew well the sanction for desertion: capital punishment.
                                       .
                                       .
                                       .
I apolgize for lasting so much into add a new chapter translated. But I have
been busy with my new job. And a few days I broke my toe, that´s the reason why
now I have time to follow the story.
Thanks for all the cheers I have seen those last weeks. And as always, I
apologize for the possible mistakes.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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