Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/10990185.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con,
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Hamilton_-_Fandom
  Relationship:
      Alexander_Hamilton/John_Laurens, Alexander_Hamilton/Elizabeth_"Eliza"
      Schuyler, George_Washington/Martha_Washington, Aaron_Burr_&_Alexander
      Hamilton, Alexander_Hamilton_&_Gilbert_du_Motier_Marquis_de_Lafayette
  Character:
      Alexander_Hamilton, Thomas_Jefferson, John_Laurens, Charles_Lee, random
      people, George_Washington, Angelica_Schuyler, Peggy_Schuyler, Eliza
      Schuyler, James_Madison, basically_everyone_lmao
  Additional Tags:
      fake_relationships, triggering, This_is_basically_Ham's_life, it_gets_gay
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-05-24 Chapters: 1/? Words: 1892
****** The life of Alexander Hamilton ******
by AEli
Summary
     Hamilton started in a hopeless situation, his life turning into one
     that his late mother warned him of, but as his hope is drained from
     him, flowing like his blood from each wound, he feels a stab of
     motivation. For him. For his mom. For his legacy.
Notes
     sorry for the sucky summary, but I decided to practice my writing
     skills and write about Ham's life. There's rape, self-mutilation,
     suicide, and abuse in the beginning, so if you don't want to read
     that, I will always put what the triggering events will be in each
     chapter. Thanks! :3
"Alexander, what are you doing?"
Alexander turned his head quickly to see his dad standing before him. He
couldn't imagine how this looked. How could he understand what he was doing.
His dad just gave him a look of confusion, disgust, and something that Alex
couldn't see.
Alex lowered the knife from his hand, placing it on the ground next to his
vomit. "We are...just gonna die anyways. It would be easier if I just-"
"Alexander!" His father shouted.
Alex jumped in place, his hand clutching at his vomit by instinct.
"I can't stand this..." his father sat himself down on one of the only pieces
of furniture they had. A patched, dirty, bug-ridden armchair.
Alex lowered his eyes to his wrists and squinted his eyes. He didn't mean to be
caught. He thought his father was always working, or was he just hallucinating
that?
His dad suddenly got up, brushing the dirt and lint off his battered pants.
"Son," he said.
Alex's heart dropped and he opened his eyes. He couldn't remember the last time
his dad called him that.
"I...I have to go," his dad's eyes drifted away. "Take care of your mother. You
just...can't die. Don't die for her."
"Dad?" Alex pleaded, tears brimming and voice cracking.
His dad patted his head and smiled. "Goodbye, son."
Alex clawed at his dad, but he wasn't strong enough. His grip ceased, his hands
falling to his lap and eyes watering. He felt blood in his mouth.
And with that, Alex's dad walked out and he heard his mom moan as loudly as she
could in pain. Mental and physical pain. Alex reached for her, grabbing her
hand and squeezing. She was basically in a coma. Dazed and scared, unaware of
her surroundings. Even in the same room as her departed husband, she was still
only a quarter conscious. And her consciousness was used to only breath and
shift her eyes to sudden noises. But lately, her eyes stay in their foam daze,
staring at the ceiling.
Yet, Alex felt as though she still knew. She still knew that his father left
her. Alone. Helpless.
"I-I'm sorry, mom," Alex pleaded, his body now shaking from the pain he was in.

His mom didn't respond, her breathing only becoming heavier.
Alex's faith finally broke, his tears falling with a heavy heart and soul. He
was crying for a lot of reasons. He was crying for his pain, his mother's pain,
and his mother's heart.
~A Few Months Later~
Alex held onto his mother's hand, his own hand shaking beyond belief. His eyes
drowned by sorrow and pain. His nails bitten from stress and worry. He wanted
to cry but he was out of tears, only deep sobs were being expressed as his moms
grip weakened, and weakened, all until she was no more. Her final breath
smelled of death, mouth foamed from struggle and hurt. Her hair brittle from
months of little to no food. She died being known as the town whore.
Alex bent his head down to meet the broken mattress his mother had died on, and
he could only think of how things would have been different if only his dad
stuck around.
Five days later and Alex is found by his neighbor, his pants soaked in his own
fluids, hands gripping at his mother, and body frail and small. He was shipped
off to live with his older cousin, which he didn't have much of an opinion on.
His cousin was always quiet whenever he came to visit with his now deceased
mom. Alex almost felt a glimmer of hope, thinking that maybe his cousin could
help him heal the fresh wounds, acknowledge his pain. But they just lived like
neutral neighbors. Alex only saw his cousin when his cousin would leave his
room and run into Alex. His cousin only said a few words to him for his six
months or so (time felt lost to him) he was there. Until the day Alex went to
see if his cousin was okay after noticing the lack of food missing from the
kitchen. Knocking, Alex said, "Hey, I'm sorry for...intruding, but I was
wondering if y-you were okay," no answer. "A-Are you in there?" No answer. Alex
opened the door and widened his eyes as he saw his cousin hanging from the high
ceiling fan. His eyes were as dead as Alex's mom, and his first thought at
seeing this was 'not again'. His heart dropped, hard. His thoughts swelled in
his mind until they all became the most prominent thought. His cousin had a
bloody neck. His cousin was desperate. His cousin left him just like everyone
else.
Alex felt his blood begin to boil as he screamed, "YOU LUNATIC! YOU COULD HAVE
LIVED! I NEEDED YOU, I NEED YOU! WHY DID YOU LEAVE?! AM I THAT INSUFFERABLE?
PLEASE...PlEaSe...please..."
Once again, his neighbor saved him, finding Alex hitting his fists against the
wall over and over again until they bled. His neighbor immediately called the
police after Alex's screaming ceased to stop. And just like that he was thrown
into a foster home.
At the point Alex made his way to his first foster home; he felt broken. He was
broken. He didn't want to talk to anyone, so he became mute for awhile. Just
reading and watching mayhem take place. It would have been a nice situation if
the kids he were stuck with were respectful.
"Hey, little whore."
Alex gripped his book. The boys in his home had found his case file that his
foster guardian kept out on "accident".
"He's talking to you," the dirty blonde boy, Colin, grabbed a fistful of Alex's
hair. "Whore."
Alex winced, his teeth clenching together in fright. They had left him alone
until this past week. Probably when they actually noticed him.
Alex shook his head, his hair not moving with him.
Colin started to pull on Alex's hair more, leaving no choice but for Alex to
stand up.
The leader, Kale, threw a punch that hit Alex's cheekbone, immediately causing
a red bump to form.
Kale then stuck his hand down Alex's pants, leaving Alex to choke on his
invisible words. He tried to push him away with all his might but he was weak.
He barely ate, clothes hanging on him like they did in the Caribbean.
Kale pushed Alex against a wall and forced his hand down deeper.
Colin looked on in something like pain or fear, but was too afraid to speak up.

Alex wanted to scream. He wanted him to stop.
"You're hard," Kale laughed. "Oh my god! You are like your mom!"
Alex's eyes filled with tears. Something else in him broke that day, and he let
Kale say what he wanted. He let him play with him however he wanted. He just
wanted the pain to go away.
And it went on like that. It became more and more intense until Kale told Alex
that he was now his property. And Alex complied. Kale showed him off, telling
everyone that Alex was "one of them" now. And Alex kept silent, wondering how
long he would have to suffer like this.
Alex convinced himself that he was "happy" in the relationship. Because he
liked guys, so why wouldn't he like every guy he met? Every guy who talked to
him? Every guy who showed him affection?
Then one day, Kale grabbed Alex by the waist and led him and the group to a new
kid. A boy around seven, and by this point Alex was thirteen. Alex looked at
Kale, questioning why he led him here.
"We are gonna recruit another," Kale smiled. "Like you," he pinched Alex's
cheek until it became white.
Alex's eyes widened and his hands started to shake, as did the kids. The kid
looked at him, questioning what his destiny was.
"Go ahead first, Colin," Kale pushed him along and Colin squinted his eyes
before reaching for the young boy.
Alex saw his mom. She was in place of the small boy who reached to anyone for
help. She looked to Alex suddenly and spoke quietly, and to only him, saying,
"Alex, why have you become what you are? What happened to my stubborn son who
fights for what he believes in? What happened to your smile that was bright
enough to let me die in peace? What happened to your motivation? You're life?
Your legacy?"
"S...S...St-St..." Alex tried to exclaim, his voice raspier than he could
imagine.
Everyone looked at him, shocked, expect for the poor child.
"sTOP," Alex yelled.
Kale grabbed him by his sleeves, pushing him against a wall. "What?" He
questioned.
"I...Inn...innocent k-k-kid," his voice was not only shaking because of his
negligence of it, but also from his fear. He couldn't stand to see another
child feel like he did.
"You...DO NOT SPEAK UP TO ME!" Kale punched Alex over and over until he fell to
the ground, he coughed up some blood and bit his lip before kicking Kale in the
nuts, grabbing the child by his hand, and running off and out the door.
Alex was fourteen when he was put in charge of a trading charter, his mother's
words influencing him to try. To build a wall of the memories he decided to
hide away. After running away, Alex immediately found work, showing off his
intelligence until he made it to where he was now. His partner in crime,
Laurie, the child who he had rescued, had liked it with Alex, but Alex couldn't
help but wonder if Laurie still had a chance to live, so one day he brought
Laurie to a friend who drove him to the police station. Laurie reported abuse
and got into a real nice foster home, which made Alex unbelievably happy.
Apparently Laurie still wanted to be in contact, but Alex had to let go. If he
held on, he would just drag Laurie back with him.
Then one day, his boss approached him, smiling wide, which was rare for such a
stressed man.
"Alex!" His boss held onto Alex's shoulders.
Alex squinted. Touching was...weird for him, but he just smiled and said,
"huh?"
"I spoke to my associates over in the new land, and they were impressed by your
resilience and resistance."
Alex's eyes widened.
"They are raising money for you to come to America, and with the profit they
have made so far, it looks like it's going to be a success," he smiled even
wider. "I wouldn't want to get your hopes up, but they said that by the time I
got the letter they sent, it would be a guarantee."
Alex felt tears brim, his pupils dilating from the bliss he heard. "A-America?"
He asked, suddenly smiling. "I'm going to America?"
"Yes," Alex's boss nodded. "You see, while my business is successful here, it
is not what I wanted. Do what you strive for, Alex, or you may never get the
chance again. So?"
Alex nodded, there was no hesitance in his heart or brain. He wanted to change
something. He wanted to leave a footprint for his late mother, for his past
innocence, and for all he lost. "I'm..." Alex whispered. "I'm not throwing away
my shot."
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