Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/306469.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF
  Relationship:
      Jensen_Ackles/Jared_Padalecki
  Character:
      Jensen_Ackles, Jared_Padalecki, Christian_Kane, Danneel_Harris
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_High_School
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-07-28 Chapters: 6/6 Words: 52194
****** The Year After it Happened ******
by saucyminx
Summary
     At the end of his Junior year, Jensen had it all – a girlfriend,
     popularity, everything a seventeen year old could want. One
     misunderstanding takes that all away and Jensen suddenly found
     himself alone. Thankfully, there is the socially awkward Jared, who
     gives Jensen the chance he never thought he’d have.
***** Chapter 1 *****
There was no part of Jensen looking forward to the start of the school year.
Except maybe the tiny notion that he was finally going to be a senior and only
had to put up with nine more months. A few months ago, Jensen had been excited
about this. There was no reason he shouldn't have been. Back then he was one of
the most popular boys in the school, with a gorgeous girlfriend that he mostly
got along with, a solid group of friends, a shoo in for point player on the
varsity basketball team. Nothing had warned Jensen back then, that he would be
sitting in his car on the first day of his senior year and dreading getting out
and facing the masses.
Everything had changed now though.
Jensen didn't have the gorgeous girlfriend any more, didn't have the solid
group of friends, hadn't gotten to basketball camp over the summer and wasn't
joining the team again in a few weeks. All of his dreams and hopes, the person
he once thought he was striving to be, was gone. Now Jensen was just some
seventeen year old kid that probably would spent the following nine months
trying his best to fade into the background in hopes to just make it through.
And the worst part, the thing that killed him the most, was how no one knew.
All they'd seen was the fallout, heard the rumors, supported the girl who's
heart he'd supposedly broken. No one had been there at his side, no one had
taken his hand and helped him through the most horrible summer he'd ever had.
No, Jensen had dealt with it all on his own and now he was trying to pick up
the pieces and muster up the energy to push his car door open and climb out.
"Fucking douche."
Jensen flinched, hand on the handle. He knew that voice, could recall the way
it sounded whispered and quiet, soft and breathless, but now it was simply
dripping with venom and Jensen could almost feel the shudder down his spine.
His eyes lifted, peering out the window and sure enough, there she was. Tall
and thin, her hair had gotten longer, red highlights glistening in the
sunshine, perfectly manicured nails flicking through the strands to toss over
her shoulder. She was flanked on either side by Sophia and Elisabeth, clearly
braced for any altercation. They had always been her backup, for as long as
Jensen could remember, always following in her footsteps, eager to please.
"Danneel," he said quietly when he managed to stand, tugging his backpack out
and slinging it over his shoulder.
"You look like shit." She pursed her lips and that was that, she turned and
crossed through the parking lot, Sophia and Elisabeth dutifully at her side.
Jensen sighed and shut his car door, leaning against it for a long moment and
closing his eyes. Some foolish part of him had thought he'd escape the morning
without any interaction but, if this was any sign, Jensen was really going to
have the worst first day of school possible.
"Faggot." Chris snarled and brushed hard past Jensen's shoulder as he headed
into the school.
For some reason, Jensen had thought, just maybe, his friends would turn around
and get his back. Especially Chris. Chris who he'd known since they met in
preschool and Jensen had shared his M&Ms in the sandbox. They'd given up eating
them halfway through and ended up throwing them at the back of their teacher's
head until she caught them and made both sit in time out for ten minutes. Ever
since they'd been connected at the hip but, then the thing, and now Jensen was
left reeling at the comment.
It wouldn't have hurt so bad if it didn't spark up a part of Jensen's mind he'd
been struggling with since May, maybe even longer but he couldn't really think
about it much. How could he possibly function at school when this was what he
had to deal with?
Thankfully, Jensen didn't personally know anyone in his first period English
class. Some of them looked his way, whispering quietly to each other, and
Jensen didn't have to hear the words to know what they were talking about. He
might not have known them, but they knew him or of him and it looked like the
story of what they thought had happened at the party had already made its
rounds. Jensen was probably the most unpopular kid in the school, which was
really saying something.
Jensen wasn't so lucky in second period Science. He'd been struggling with his
locker - it kept getting stuck even when he used the code in the right maneuver
and resorted to kicking the base - so he came in late. Danneel was in this
class, seated at a table with Elisabeth. Chris was there too and usually he
would have saved a spot for Jensen. Now though, Steve was sitting beside him
and Jensen could have sworn Chris didn't even like Steve, which really
basically explained his standing with them, and the rest of the school. No one
met his eyes, not willing to meet his gaze or give any indication that it was
okay to take the seat beside them.
Not that there were many seats, but at this point being seen with Jensen was
like committing social suicide. Jensen hated that he came with a plaque now -
do not touch: punishable by popularity decline. He forced his head high and
walked straight down the middle of the tables. Science was one of those things
everyone had a grasp on the rules, especially if you knew the teacher. In this
case, Mrs. Maples, which meant you'd chose your seat and that was that. For the
rest of the semester you'd be lab partners whenever required and who your lab
partner was, could greatly affect your grade.
So no part of Jensen was really relieved when the only vacant seat happened to
be by the one and only, Jared Padalecki. For just a moment he stared, wondering
if the boy would look up from under the shaggy hair covering his eyes, but if
he knew Jensen was there, he showed no indication. Mrs. Maples was bustling to
the front of the class just then, telling everyone to find a seat and since
Jensen was the only one standing, everyone meant him. Jensen nervously stepped
forward and sank down onto the stool, setting his books on the counter in front
of him.
Jared Padalecki wasn't really definable in high school terms. He had some kind
of reputation, not a very good one, because the year before he'd punched Nick
Hannigan in the school parking lot for no apparent reason. Then he'd gone away
for a little while, near the end of the semester, and Jensen hadn't really
given him any thought. There'd been some rumor that Jared had gotten thrown in
juvenile hall or something - Jensen thought he remembered hearing something
about Jared beating his mom or burning down a building or something - but then,
Jensen had a whole new out look on rumors. Mostly that they couldn't be
believed.
Still, Jensen was giving the kid a wide berth. Not that he seemed interested in
any sort of conversation, as was the usual for Padalecki, his headphones were
over his ears and his gaze remained down. He was scribbling something in his
notebook but blocking it enough that Jensen couldn't tell if it was words or
doodles, or maybe some epic artwork, whatever. He was just kind of grateful
that they were at a table in the back of the room and no one could turn around
and glare at him without drawing the lecturing teacher's attention.
The only good thing about the first day was the teachers’ tendency to ramble
about the upcoming class. This meant Jensen could stare down at his syllabus
and pretend like he actually gave a damn what they'd be covering that semester.
He really, really didn't. Just like he didn't look around at all, didn't give
anyone a chance to meet his gaze or sneer insults his way. Once upon a time
Jensen might have been able to spare whatever was left of his life, if he'd
just gone to Danneel in the days that had followed, maybe he could have
explained, maybe she would have forgiven him.
It was the probably not that had him hesitating and now it was too late. No one
would believe anything he said on the issue.
Jensen left the room with a resigned sigh. Two more classes until lunch, two
after then Jensen had the rest of the day off, thankfully. Another perk of
being a senior, though Jensen felt he was grasping at straws in this case.
There were no more of his once friends in his other more classes, thankfully.
Jensen sank into the back row and stared out the window, trying not to close
his eyes and slip into flashbacks. He'd spent too many hours dwelling on it
now.
Lunch was not going to be good. Jensen already knew this. Three years solid
Jensen never had to question where to sit, who to hang out with, what to talk
about. Now Jensen stepped out onto the quad and clutched his backpack straps
curled tightly under his fingers. He could see Danneel, Sophia and Elisabeth
already at the usual table. Chris and Steve were coming from the opposite doors
to join them. Jensen caught Chris' gaze and his eyes narrowed and looked away.
Jensen felt a little sick.
"Hey," a quiet voice whispered at his side.
Jensen turned, smiling slightly at Jason there. "Hey man, how's it going?" He
hadn't heard from Jason all summer, had added him to the list of people who
were no longer his friends, but maybe he'd spoken too soon.
Jason wasn't looking at him, he wasn't even that close. He held a tray of food
in his hands and was scanning the tables uncertainly. "Jensen, I'm sorry. I
wish... well. You know. I just, Danneel's my cousin man. I can't just do that
to her."
An irrational little part of Jensen's mind wanted to plead, what about me? He
didn't though. Just nodded, sighed, and turned to walk down the long brick wall
that made up one of the sides of the quad. There were only two people sitting
along the wall, Dominic Levin who had orange hair though last time Jensen had
seen it - last May - it had been green. And, Jared Padalecki. They were sitting
far enough apart Jensen knew they weren't sitting together. In the end he slid
down to the ground a good three feet away from Jared, sliding his backpack
around to his lap.
In effort to keep from thinking about his group of once friends across the quad
laughing and eating, Jensen considered Jared out of the corner of his eye as he
ate. He tried to guess what kind of music Jared listened to. It certainly
couldn't be the poppy clichéd stuff they played on Kiss FM. And he didn't seem
like a rap fan. Jensen wouldn't peg him from any of the recent indie stuff
taking over airwaves recently either. Maybe he listened to classic rock, the
kind his dad turned up too loud on Sunday afternoons when he closed his office
door and drank until he couldn't walk straight.
Occasionally, Jared's head would bob slightly, or tilt to the left. He didn't
eat, didn't really do anything but sit along the wall and listen to music.
Jensen chewed his roast beef sandwich and looked away, wondering if he tried to
reach out to Jared, if the man would know about his supposed offense and shun
him as well. Just like he wondered if it was a sign of sheer desperation that
he was considering making friends with this guy who, on his last day attending
this school the year before, had punched someone square in the jaw.
In the end it didn't matter whether Jensen was going to say anything or not,
when he looked back Jared was gone and a minute later the bell rang. Jensen
tensed his shoulders and steeled himself for the rest of the day.
-=-=-=-
"How was your first day honey?" Donna asked the moment she rounded the corner,
glancing up at Jensen leaning against the counter and eating an apple.
Lying to his parents was the worst. Jensen might not always get along with
them, he made mistakes and they occasionally annoyed the crap out of him, but
he loved them. And he hated lying. But, there was nothing they could do. "It
was fine."
"And how's Danneel?" she continued on, carrying a stack of mail across the
kitchen and laying it in the basket under the phone.
"Mom, I told you, we broke up." Jensen frowned, trailing a finger through a
drop of water on the marble counter top. "Months ago."
"And you can't still be friends? Jensen, you've known her since you were six."
Donna glanced up before grabbing a letter open and sliding it under the
envelope seal in her hand.
Jensen closed his eyes and reminded himself all the reasons he couldn't talk
about it. "I know. It just, it's over, you know? Over. So, can we just not talk
about it?"
"Well, alright." Donna hummed, pulling out a letter. "Your brother says hi. And
that you should come see his new place in LA soon. That would be nice right?"
"Sure, whatever." Jensen shrugged, not touching that subject either. No, it
wouldn't really be nice to go and see Josh in LA. He had no desire to spend any
more time with his older brother than necessary, they didn't get along and that
was that.
"So how is Chris? I haven't seen him in ages honey, he should really come for
dinner." Donna folded up the letter and left it on the counter for anyone to
see.
Jensen stepped back and pulled the garbage drawer open, dropping in the core
before bumping it closed. "Chris and I aren't really friends anymore. Look,
I've got homework, already I know. Let me know when dinner is ready."
Whatever she said in return, Jensen didn't hear. He took the steps two at a
time and sighed in relief as he stepped into his room and closed the door,
flicking the lock. He didn't have homework, unless he wanted to get ahead in
classes, but Jensen knew he'd have enough free time in the coming months to
keep up without a real struggle. Instead Jensen flopped face down onto his bed
and closed his eyes, willing it all away, just for awhile.
"Hey, there you are." The voice was familiar, only vaguely, Jensen through his
alcohol laced mind smiled.
"Hey... just needed, a breather. This went straight through me." Jensen laughed
and waved his plastic cup up, shaking his head. "Mighta had too much."
The man laughed and it was still pretty dark in the room, just a small light
from the crack of the barely open door. Jensen knew this guy though, he was
sure of it. "Pretty usual when Kane's around I heard."
"Mmhmm, true facts." The bed Jensen was sitting on shifted, Jensen felt warmth
against his side. "What? Dude, you're like, way too close." Jensen was drunk
enough to laugh it off, push at his shoulder.
"No. Not really."
"Jensen! Dinner!"
The air was still leaving his lungs in heavy pants when Jensen sat up, rubbing
furiously at his eyes. That wasn't, it was over. It had happened and it was
done and Jensen didn't have to give much more thought to the way his dick was
pressing hard and persistent against his zipper. This wasn't fair. Jensen
palmed his crotch and groaned, flopping back on his mattress. So far, this
school year was just, awesome.
-=-=-=-
No amount of dreading this moment could really make Jensen ready for their
first partner project. For the past week he'd been sitting by Jared in science
class and they hadn't said a word to each other. There were lots of other words
though, from other people - asshole, queer, cheating scum - but for all Jensen
knew, Jared had no idea he was even sitting there. It was a good thing Jared
was tall, because he never seemed to lift his head to look where he was going.
And his reputation provided him the advantage of people getting out of his way
without hesitation.
Mrs. Maples was explaining how they were supposed to prick their fingers, slide
a drop of blood onto the clear plastic slide and compare and contrast the
differences they could see in their two different samples. There were supposed
to take notes then, by the end of the week, turn in a full report on different
blood types and a whole list of other bull shit that Jensen didn't even want to
think about. Mainly because he had a hunch he might be doing most of this
alone.
So when the teacher sent them off to do their work, Jensen went and got the
microscope and slides and package wrapped needles. When he glanced back, Jared
was still staring down at the table but Jensen noticed he'd brought out a
notebook and pen and had the assignment sheet next to him. So that was
something. His shoulder connected hard with something solid and Jensen winced,
glancing over at his used to be best friend.
"Better hurry back Jensen, your boyfriend looks like he misses you." Chris
threw out the insult so easily Jensen was almost shocked. But then, Chris had
always been that way, Jensen was just used to being on the other side of it.
He didn't rise to the bait, walking around Chris and heading back to the last
table in the row. He set up the microscope like the instructions said and
dividing the packages and slides, pushing Jared's his way before tearing the
wrapper of his own. "So," he ventured, hesitating because this would be the
first thing he ever said to Jared and it seemed like it had to be something of
a good opener. Jensen cringed internally when he realized it would be the
second thing he said to someone while at school in the week since it started.
That was, depressing. "Uh, how do you want to divide this up? Work wise?" It
was less than elegant but Jensen still didn't have much of a grasp on Jared and
his personality so he was being extra cautious.
Jared pushed his headphones down and peered at Jensen through his bangs.
"What?" Blinking he reached out for the slide and the lancet and stared down at
it.
A tiny part of Jensen wanted to cheer, oh hey look, he speaks, but he held it
back. Thankfully. "We have all this um, information? To write about? So, I just
want to know how you want to divide up the work so we can both get a good
grade." Jensen dipped slightly to peer into Jared's eyes. He couldn't tell what
color they were so he looked away.
"Okay." Jared looked around the classroom at the other groups of people who
were already working. "So...what am I doing? I gotta -" Jared pulled the
assignment sheet over so he could read it. "We're gonna cut ourselves and look
at it. Awesome." He looked over at Jensen, staring at his face for a few
moments. He had nice eyes but he looked kind of worried, nervous - maybe a
little worn.
"You really weren't listening?" Jensen frowned slightly and tore the package
the rest of the way open, pulling out the needle. "I mean, I kind of thought,
maybe you were still listening or something even with the headphones." Jensen
pursed his lips and sighed. "Sorry, not my business. So, the paper?" The last
thing Jensen wanted was to irritate Jared or something.
"I can't listen to her." Jared turned his eyes back to the slide in front of
him. "I can write it." Frowning, Jared picked up the lancet and poked at his
finger tentatively. It didn't seem like something they could learn much from
but it was better than listening to Mrs. Maples drone on and on.
"I just, I think maybe I should help with the paper. Just, because I need to
get a good grade in this class. Also, I don't think it's fair for you to do
this alone." Jensen shrugged and poked at his finger as well, squeezing out a
drop of blood and dropping it on the tray. "I think you're supposed to look at
mine." Jensen muttered and held up the slide, blinking up at Jared. He kept
waiting for the legendary anger, the intensity he'd heard Jared came hand in
hand with. So far he wasn't seeing anything.
Frowning, Jared stabbed at his finger and squeezed out a drop of blood onto the
glass slide and set it to the side. Standing, he took a step closer to Jensen
and leaned down to look through the lens of the microscope. Shrugging he turned
to look at Jensen. "Okay, now what?" There wasn’t' so much to see really.
"Uh, we're supposed to make notes about it? The blood?" Jensen stood and dipped
down, peering into the microscope then stepping back. He looked up at Jared
then up at his teacher, back at Jared. He felt a bit like he was missing some
giant piece of the puzzle. "Are we supposed to be seeing something? I'm kind
of, I suck at science." Jensen shrugged and leaned against the counter top,
slight frown on his face.
"Little disks. Yours is normal. Like a donut, kind of." Jared leaned back and
started to scribble down some notes. "I've seen it on the internet." Scratching
at his cheek for a few moments he glanced at Jensen again. "You're a jock." It
explained a lot of things, why he didn't know much about science. It didn't
explain why he was sitting with Jared.
"No. I'm not." Jensen breathed and shook his head. He knew the words had to
come with a certain level of sadness, mourning the loss or something like that.
Only, some parts of Jensen really didn't miss basketball. He wouldn't tell
anyone that though. "What's your look like? The same as mine?" Jensen gestured
toward the microscope, rubbing at the back of his neck a moment later.
"Basketball." Jared turned and put his foot on the bottom of Jensen's stool.
"You played basketball. It's the same. My blood. Our blood looks the same." He
turned back toward his notebook and started to write again. He wasn't exactly
sure what made a jock no longer a jock but he was sure it was something fairly
significant.
"Well I don't. Not anymore. So I'm not a jock." Jensen dropped down onto his
stool and wrote down on his notebook that their blood was the same. How this
was supposed to be enough for a paper, Jensen had no idea. "Well. Do we, should
we just divide up the questions? And uh, combine our papers? You probably don't
like group work." It was a major assumption, he was going for it anyway.
Shrugging again, Jared glanced up at Jensen. "If that's what you want. I'll do
the first ten questions. I'll be done by the end of the day. Want me to give
you my answers then?" Jensen's eyes were the same colour as coral that Jared
had seen once; a bright sea green.
"We could," Jensen dragged his teeth over his lips and looked away. Danneel was
leaning against the counter top, laughing at something Sophia said, flipping
her hair over her shoulder. It was her fake laugh. Jensen knew it, had a first
hand knowledge of it. "At lunch. We could work on it, at lunch. Together. I
mean, if you wanted. If you don't, or whatever." Jensen pushed at the slide
along the table, pretending like it didn't matter if Jared wanted to or not. It
was kind of nice to talk to someone though.
Jared sat back on his stool and tilted his head slightly. "Okay. I'm easy to
find." He slid his papers back into his notebook and put his headphones back
on. It was too noisy in the classroom, everyone was talking and it was getting
louder and louder.
Jensen choked on a snorted laugh and looked over at Jared, wondering if he
could hear him. He was looking back down again, Jensen was pretty sure anything
he said wouldn't be acknowledged. "I know," he whispered anyway, looking away.
"I sit by you every day." Jensen half smiled for a moment down at his books,
before gathering them all up. It didn't really matter that Jared hadn't noticed
that, he was kind of getting used to blending into the background.
-=-=-=-
It was probably a true testament to how horrible Jensen's first week at school
had been considering he was actually looking forward to lunch just so he could
work on a science project with a guy that didn't seem to want anything to do
with him. At least he hadn't called him any insulting name or anything, that
was something. Jensen didn't even glance toward the table in the quad this
time, heading straight for the wall and sitting a foot from Jared. The boy's
head stayed down and Jensen considered him for a long moment before reaching
out and tapping his shoulder.
Jared smiled distractedly and pushed his headphones off. "Hi. Did you get
anything done?" Opening his notebook Jared slid it toward Jensen. He'd finished
his answers earlier in his English class. It wasn't like he needed to pay much
attention in that class; he'd read everything on the syllabus long ago.
"Yeah, I had a test in history and I finished it early, so, I did it." Jensen
glanced over at Jared's paper and back down at his own. He was kind of
disappointed that this would be done so easily. "Well, okay. Um, do you want me
to type these up? I can do it tonight, and have it tomorrow. So we don't have
to worry about it?"
"Oh." Jared looked down at his notebook. "Do you want to look at some things on
the computer? We could put an image of a slide in. The report." No one ever
really spoke to Jared and he was kind of interested in what Jensen's deal was
with the basketball. In his experience, once a jock always a jock unless- "Did
you hurt yourself?" He turned on his seat to face Jensen.
"What?" It took a minute for the question to register, trying to connect with
the whole image of a slide in the paper thing and make sense. Only then he
realized they weren't connected and he surprisingly laughed. "No. No uh, it
didn't have anything to do with that." Jensen's head tilted slightly to the
side, considering Jared and the odd knowledge that he was quite possibly the
only person in the school who had no idea what had happened with Jensen,
Danneel and the melt down. "So, the computer thing? Do you, is that something
you want to do now? Or like, you could come over. Some time this week?" Jensen
could tell in the sunlight that Jared's eyes were somewhere between green and
brown, he smiled slightly, leaning against the wall.
"Come to my place tonight. I can listen to music." Jared smiled briefly and
opened a bag of chips. Stuffing some in his mouth he held the bag out to
Jensen. "Did you get kicked off the team?" Jared liked to understand things. He
liked it a lot when they made sense.
Staring at the bag of chips for a moment, Jensen wet his lips and reached in
the bag, pulling out a few chips and popping them into his mouth. "No. Write
down your address?" Jensen offered his notebook and a pen, wondering briefly
why Jared seemed to be stuck on the basketball thing.
Jared took the notebook and scribbled out his address. "Seven. It's after
dinner. We always eat dinner at six." Jared put some more chips in his mouth
and sucked the salt off his fingers while he still held the notebook. "Do you
have email? That’s mine." He scribbled some more and held the notebook out the
Jensen. "Your parents take you off the team?"
"You always have dinner six?" Jensen asked, a little surprised. He was lucky if
his family were all home at the same time when dinner was ready. Most nights he
was making his and Mack's dinner - frozen pizza or microwaved whatever. Jared
just looked at him and Jensen shrugged. "No. My parents didn't take my off the
team." He slid the notebook up and printed his email address along the bottom,
along with his cell phone number. After he tore the paper out he offered it to
Jared and smiled uncertainly. "You know, there's probably a lot of things you
could guess. About the team thing. Or you could, ask or something."
"Why don't you play now?" Jared blinked a few times, eyes wide as he watched
Jensen's face. The guy was kind of interesting, much more interesting than
Jared had thought he would be. But then again, he liked people who were
forward.
"Because I'd probably get my ass kicked if I even stepped foot on the court."
Jensen said quietly and for the first time in his lunch period, his eyes
drifted over to the table in the middle of the quad. Chris was sitting beside
Danneel and their shoulders were touching. Jensen was only momentarily worried
that there wasn't an answering pinch in his chest. Maybe it meant he was over
it. Or close. "You haven't heard any of the stories huh?"
Pointing at his headphones, Jared smiled and shrugged. "Did you do something
stupid? Or something they just didn't like?" He smiled, brow furrowed. The kids
were all like wolf packs - everything was fine - it was all tight unless you
stepped out of line and then everyone turned on you.
Jensen stared down at his lap, hands half curled around his sandwich.
"Something stupid. I guess." When he closed his eyes he could feel the bitter
slide and taste of alcohol. Jensen sighed and held up the second half of the
sandwich. "Do you want this? I'm not really hungry anymore."
"I upset you." Jared put his headphones back on and turned his eyes back away
from Jensen. "I'll see you tonight," he murmured before his music started up.
Blinking in surprise at the sudden conversation end, Jensen frowned and slowly
scooted away from Jared down the wall. Jared hadn't really upset him, Jensen
was just generally upset but, whatever.
-=-=-=-
"I'll back later mom." Jensen called on his way through the kitchen to the
garage.
"Okay, tell Danneel hi for me," Donna called from the living room.
Jensen stopped in his tracks and sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his
nose. He didn't want to hold this against his mom. After all, she kind of had
these crazy ideas that Jensen and Danneel were going to get married and have a
dozen babies. Which was all Josh's fault really because Josh had dated the same
girl for seven years then suddenly showed up last Christmas with a completely
different girl who was five months pregnant. It kind of dashed all his mom's
hopes and dreams, or, transferred them to Jensen. Who was just going to do the
same thing. Poor Mackenzie.
"We're not dating mom." Jensen said over his shoulder before pulling the garage
door open and heading outside. He'd map-quested Jared's address, it wasn't too
far but he was leaving fifteen minutes early just to be safe. It kind of seemed
like Jared was an on time type of person.
He was quite possibly a lot of other things too, Jensen didn't know what to
think about it. There was the active pursuit of information, Jared's desire to
know why Jensen wasn't on the basketball team anymore, the sudden way their
lunch conversation ended. Jensen was so caught up on it all he'd kind of
forgotten to be worried about Jared possibly being a lose canon who punched the
kid last year. He kind of couldn't see it happening for no reason.
Jared's house seemed fairly small, well, compared to Jensen's. There was a
light on in the front window but the blinds were pulled so Jensen couldn't see
in. Jensen parked his car in front of the mailbox, not blocking the driveway
just in case. The neighborhood looked okay, Jensen didn't feel bad leaving the
car there or anything so that was fine. He headed slowly up to the front door
and listened for just a moment before ringing the bell and stepping back
uncertainly.
Jared pulled the door open quickly. He'd seen Jensen arrive, he had started
watching earlier - hoping the boy would be on time. He was. "Hi, come in."
Pushing the door wide open Jared padded back down the hallway assuming Jensen
would follow him. "Mom, this is Jensen." Jared turned around and realized
Jensen wasn't behind him and leaned around the door frame. "Jensen? C'mere."
"Um," Jensen hurried to join Jared, closing the door behind him and stepping up
to Jared's side. "Hi Mrs. Padalecki, it's nice to meet you." He smiled politely
at her, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"Hi Jensen. Just call me Sherri. We don't stand on ceremony around here." She
walked over to the counter and picked up her keys and purse and then moved back
to push Jared's hair off his forehead. "Don't stay up too late. It was nice to
meet you, Jensen. I'll see you some other time I hope."
Jared smiled and grabbed Jensen's hand. "C'mon." He pulled the other boy toward
a door at the back of the kitchen and dropped his hand to open it. The stairs
were dark and Jared was half way down before he reached up and pulled on a
string to turn a light on. "This way," he said and disappeared around the
corner to head into his bedroom.
Everything seemed to be happening fast, too fast, Jensen couldn't quite put it
together but he followed after Jared anyway, descending down the stairs and
around the corner. "Hey so where is your mom going?" Jensen asked softly as
they stepped into what he assumed was Jared's bedroom. His eyes instantly slid
around the room, searching for some clue to the Jared Padalecki puzzle. He
supposed it could have been anyone's room, or well, maybe a little more nerdy
then his or Chris' room or something but still, soccer posters, some Escher
prints, a really big computer monitor and stereo. The lighting was duller than
usual and Jensen blinked to get his gaze to adjust before looking toward Jared.
"Does she work or something?"
"She works at a group home for kids with disabilities. Night shift tonight.
Want to see what I did?" Jared stepped over to Jensen again, maybe a little too
close but he wasn't used to having someone around. Turning slowly he pulled the
desk chair out and gestured for Jensen to sit down.
"Sure, okay." Jensen nodded and slowly sat, eyes drifting up the full length of
Jared's body. "You're really tall." He pointed out and laughed at himself,
stating the obvious and all. "I mean, I'm really tall, so you're like super
tall. That's pretty cool. Why don't you play basketball?"
"Too noisy." Jared tapped the keyboard and the screen saver cleared and there
was an image of blood complete with an analysis of it's make up and the
anomalies that may be possible from person to person. "Do you want me to print
it? I mean, if you like it?" He slid his hand over Jensen's shoulders.
Jensen almost started at the touch, surprised that Jared was one, so close and
two, touching him. It just didn't really seem like the guy but Jensen had to
admit he didn't know the guy at all. So. "Yeah, it looks amazing." He said when
he finally managed to look at the screen, smiling softly. "Print it. Thanks
Jared, you didn't have to do this all by yourself. I um, did you type it out? I
typed my stuff you know? And sent an email, not sure if you got it." Jared's
hand was a solid and firm weight on his shoulder, Jensen was probably just
starving for attention or something because it kind of felt nice.
"Yeah, I printed that already." Jared moved across the room and picked up the
paper. "I printed you one too." Sorting through the pages he pulled out half
for Jensen and held them out. "I put the picture in it already because... well,
I thought it was okay." As soon as Jensen took the assignment Jared headed over
to the stereo and his play on his iPod.
"Wow. Okay. Thanks." Jensen nodded and grasped the papers, looking at them just
for something to do. He'd kind of assumed they'd be working on the assignment
and without it, he wasn't really sure if he had a reason to stay. He wanted to
though. Jared might be slightly weird, maybe even more than, and he definitely
hit some guy last year but he was the first person who Jensen had hung out with
in four months and he was almost too much of a people person to handle the
starvation. So, he listened to the music playing from the stereo and set his
papers on the desk. "Who's this? I don't recognize it."
Sinking down onto the end of his bed Jared smiled. "It's old. A guy called
Black. He was pretty cool. What kind of music do you like? You don't smile very
much." Jared had made him laugh twice at lunch but that was as far as it went.
Jensen had a nice smile, it suited him when he smiled. It looked right.
"I'm... sorry?" Jensen said slowly and smiled more because Jared was, and he'd
noticed something that seemed kind of trivial. Maybe. "I'm not sure I can
really define what I like you know? Little bits of this and that, some songs
you'd hear on the radio, some really random stuff. But, I don't listen to that
much music. You probably know a million more songs than I do." Jensen shrugged,
sliding his feet along the floor so he faced Jared. "You don't talk very much."
"Most people don't listen." Jared's smile grew then faded slightly. "Do you
have a question?" Pulling his legs up on the bed and swung his body around till
he was lying face down and could prop his chin up on his hands.
"What?" Jensen's eyes widened then he laughed, shaking his head. "God, you're
really weird you know that?" Jensen watched the light fade slightly from
Jared's face and he shook his head quickly. "It's not a bad thing. It's good. I
mean, most of my friends are, well, were, pretty much as normal as you can get.
It gets old. It's nice to talk to someone who's..." Jensen waved toward Jared
and shrugged. "Why did you punch Nick Hannigan?"
"He was calling Colin - this new kid names. Fag and stuff." Jared shrugged. "He
deserved it. And now, people leave him alone. Me too, I guess. Am I really that
weird?" Jared didn't think he was that unusual; a little more straight forward
than most maybe.
"Well actually, I don't know. I mean, you don't really say anything. But I
mean, it's not bad." Jensen frowned and scratched along his jaw. "Sometimes I
wish I was more weird you know? I think some people kind of think I'm supposed
to be normal. I don't know. It's cool though, what you did, sticking up for
Colin." Jensen kind of liked hearing it, it made him feel a lot better about
Jared and the situation.
Jared blinked a few times, watching Jensen's face. "I always wanted to be more
normal. So what did you do?" Jared knew that something had happened between
Jensen and his friends. The previous year, like everyone else, he'd taken note
of Jensen and his girlfriend Danneel. Who didn't notice them. They were both
good looking, tall, Danneel was stunning - if you were into women. They were
the perfect couple. But everything seemed to have changed when School had
started up again.
Curling his fingers over his thighs, Jensen slowly slid his teeth over his lip
and rocked the chair from side to side. "It's not, I mean, I didn't really do
anything. It was... I drank too much, and I, there was..." Jensen thought,
somehow, when given the opportunity to talk about it, he'd want to get it all
out. He thought it'd just explode out of his mouth and he'd feel the relief of
it all. Only, it really wasn't that easy. "Basically, I've lost all my friends
and girlfriend and everything that was my life before. So, I'm starting over or
whatever." Jensen dropped back in his chair and glanced toward the stereo when
the song changed. "Who's this?"
"Thriving Ivory. Do you miss her? I miss my boyfriend. Well, he's not my
boyfriend now. We split when I moved here." He glanced up at Jensen's face
realizing too late that he probably shouldn't have said that. He was used to
speaking out of turn, saying things he didn't mean to say. Dropping his gaze to
the floor he waited to see if Jensen would bolt.
Boyfriend. Jensen hadn't expected that. Of course it made sense for the
sticking up thing, for Colin. Jensen didn't really know the kid but that wasn't
a surprise. Maybe some part of Jensen should freak out, here he was alone in
the bedroom and in the house of some gay kid who had enough strength to knock
out the quarterback of the football team with a solid punch. But this situation
was so very different, and really all Jensen could think was, here was a person
who knew about being gay. Maybe Jensen could ask him questions, maybe Jensen
could get some grasp on the chaos known as his brain.
"Sometimes I miss her." Jensen finally answered when he decided that staying
wasn't a bad thing. Jared wasn't going to do anything to him, Jensen hardly
knew the guy but he knew that. "But, god this sounds awful, mostly I don't.
Being on the other side of it now? Kind of gives you different views of things.
They're all... really mean. I was really mean. Now they're mean to me and, it
sucks." Jensen shrugged and looked up at Jared. "Why did you move here?" This
was some odd version of twenty questions but Jensen kind of liked it.
Jared nodded. Part of him couldn't help thinking it was just the circle of
things - you got back what you gave out and maybe it was Jensen's turn to learn
what it was like to be on the other side of that hostility. "My parents got a
divorce. Mom got a job here. They left it up to us where we went - I thought -
well, my Mom needed someone." Jared smiled ruefully. His Mom was great. He
actually admired her for her ability to just get on with her life - start over.
It took a lot of guts to do something like that.
"That's cool. It's good of you." Jensen nodded and slid his arms across his
chest, legs extending so he could cross them at his ankles. "Not a lot of
people, well, us. Teenagers, whatever. They sometimes have to deal with shit
and it sucks. But it's cool you're here and stuff." Jensen scratched along his
arm and scanned the floor in front of him for awhile, mind churning over
different thoughts and questions. "So, you're gay?"
Blinking a few times Jared nodded and looked up to meet Jensen's gaze. "Is that
a problem? What about you? I guess you only like women. I mean Danneel - she's
pretty hot." He looked back down and blushed slightly. Just because he
preferred men didn't mean he couldn't appreciate a nice pair of legs and a
gorgeous face.
"Danneel and I aren't together anymore." Jensen said quietly, and it used to be
a reminder to himself but it wasn't much anymore. He'd already accepted it.
"I'm not, really sure, what I am." Jensen's throat felt kind of tight, just
thinking about having this conversation. Maybe it was a long time coming, but
some part of Jensen had thought he'd have to wait until college to find someone
he could really discuss any of this with. "I've thought about, you know...
other stuff. Not just, girls. So, I guess, I mean, I don't know. It's not like
there's a lot of people to really talk to this about you know?"
Jared smiled. "It's not like I'm gonna tell anyone. So you like guys too,
whatever." Jared shrugged and pushed up until he was sitting cross-legged on
the bed. "I noticed you at school before ... you know. I mean, not like you
would notice me - but I thought you had kind eyes. My Mom says you can tell a
lot about people by their eyes."
"I notice you." Jensen said softly, small smile on his face. "I've sat by you
every day for the past week. At lunch and in Science. And last year, when you
punched Nick, you just, vanished. Everyone thought you went to juvi or
something. You didn't right?" Jensen looked up quickly, eyes widening.
Shaking his head Jared shifted on the bed. "I - I took off. Do you want to
listen to some other kind of music? You can go through my iPod if you want." He
climbed off the end of the bed and padded over to the stereo, picked up the
remote and handed it to Jensen. Instead of going back to the bed he leaned
against the desk. From across the room he couldn't see Jensen's eyes clearly.
"I probably won't know any of them." Jensen pointed out but he felt pretty good
about the idea of just sitting back and relaxing. They'd kind of been
interrogating each other for awhile there. "Hey do you think, I mean, would it
be okay if I ate lunch with you? Sometimes, or whatever. Whenever you want.
I've just been kind of, lonely." Jensen glanced up at Jared, half smiling,
sliding the remote from one hand to the other.
"Yeah, sure. Hey, do you want a beer? My mom lets me have one every now and
again." Jared smiled down at the other boy and reached out to brush Jensen's
hair off his forehead. His eyes widened slightly and he dropped his hand
quickly. "Sorry."
Jensen probably could have told Jared it was more the idea of drinking then the
touching that had him internally freaking out a bit but that sounded stupid so
kept his mouth shut on the subject. "I probably shouldn't, have a beer I mean.
My mom and dad will be up when I get home and they'll lose it if they smell any
alcohol at all on me. It's a thing." Jensen shrugged, eyes drifting to Jared's
mid section that was at his eye level. The guy was pretty thin, probably
because he was so tall, and Jensen stared for a minute to long just, thinking.
Then he flushed and looked back up. "You like to touch."
"I do. It's like getting closer to people without turning all your insides
out." It made sense in Jared's head but he wasn't sure it made sense once he
put all the words together. "I won't touch you." Smiling warmly he shifted away
slightly.
"I kind of, don't mind." Jensen shrugged, stopping midway when he realized he'd
been doing a lot of that. Pushing up to his feet, Jensen found it much easier
then craning up to meet Jared's eyes and he smiled softly, clenching the remote
in his hand. "Why do you always have your headphones on?"
"Sometimes, everything's too much. Too loud, too many voices, too much of
everything. Music - it's like this other world. A buffer kind of - and for me,
it blocks out some of the crazy." Jared shoved his hands in his pockets,
suddenly feeling a little nervous. Jensen was awfully close, Jared could smell
him - his shampoo - something nice like outside.
"But the teachers in class and stuff, they just, let you." Jensen laughed
quietly and shook his head. "I wish I could get away with something like that.
Do you think they're intimidated by you because you're taller than all of
them?" Jensen stepped closer but to the side, his arm was only inches from
Jared and he faced the wall, staring at the Escher print pinned up there.
"It's - I have permission." Jared dropped his gaze and looked at the sleeve on
Jensen's shirt; it looked soft. "The Principal, well, my mom talked to him. I-
" Jared sighed and looked away. Now, this would be the part where Jensen got
all freaked out and left. "I've got ... my mom thinks it's high functioning
Asperger’s - you know what that is? It's not what most people think." He could
feel the slight warmth from Jensen's body - it was distracting and without even
thinking Jared reached toward the headphones that weren't around his neck.
Jensen's neck turned, gaze locking on Jared's down turned features. His hair
was hanging in his face like it normal would at school and Jensen frowned for
just a moment. "I guess I kind of know, vaguely. But, when we learned about it
in health last year, I mean, I thought it was kind of a um, bigger thing. You
don't seem really that… I mean, you just seem, mostly normal." Jensen smiled,
encouraging, giving Jared a chance because he wouldn't have before and it felt
important to now.
"I can be intense, sometimes. It's different for everyone I guess. I ..." Jared
glanced quickly at Jensen and looked away, nervous. "I get overwhelmed by
things, sounds, voice, people - I'm more comfortable when I control the
environment - like here." He waved his hand to encompass his room.
"I really like people though - just - one at a time is much better for me and
most people don't understand that. When I like people - I ... I can be too
much. My ex - he said I was sometimes very real. I'm not sure what that meant -
never figured out if it was good or bad." Jared blew out a breath realizing he
was as close to babbling as he ever got.
Turning slightly, Jensen faced Jared's side and smiled brightly, hesitating
just a moment before reaching out and touching Jared's arm. It was just a brief
little squeeze but he hoped it meant something. "Maybe it's good to be very
real. I think, I could use something like that in my life. I mean, if you're
interested in being friends or whatever." Jensen dropped his hand, glancing
toward the stereo when the song changed to something else he didn't know.
"Yeah. I'd like that a lot- I don't have many friends really. Some on-line
friends. This is Hawksley Workman, I love this song - he always writes in his
lyrics about the scent of things, the way they feel - the stuff that we all
notice but don't even think to say. Like - you - your hair smells good, and
your hair was ... well. Do your friends talk to you at all now?" Jared sat back
on the desk and let his knee rest against Jensen's leg.
"Chris called me a fucking queer earlier." Jensen said quietly and found
himself leaning slightly into the warmth along his leg. It was grounding,
reassuring, Jensen thought maybe Jared was right about the touch thing. "I've
known him since I was four. He hates me now. And, I think he's dating Danneel.
Which is weird." He smiled sadly and shook his head. "The whole school kind of
hates me."
"I don't hate you and I'm pretty sure lots of other people don't - or won't if
you give them a chance. Are you jealous that he's dating Danneel?" Jared really
wanted to grab Jensen's hand, his arm, some part of him that was firm and
strong but he knew that it freaked most people out the way he liked to touch.
"No. Do you think I should be?" Jensen met Jared's eyes, secretly hoping his
new friend would give him some insight to the craziness he'd been living with
the last few months. In this light Jared's eyes looked kind of brown. Jensen
didn't know what color to call them, and for whatever reason, he liked that.
"Feelings aren't should and shouldn't. Feelings just are. If you were jealous
you'd know - it's okay if you're not. Maybe it was time for it to end. Time to
move on to something else." Jared smiled and combed his fingers through his
hair. "My Mom says there are lots of people out there. I don't know - like lots
of people we should date. Not sure I believe her." Jared let the backs of his
fingers brush against Jensen's hand. It couldn't hurt.
Biting his bottom lip around a smile, Jensen nodded slowly. It made so much
sense, the whole feelings just are thing, he kind of felt stupid for not
thinking that before. "What do you believe then? If you don't think you should
date lots of people?" Jensen's hand shifted slightly under Jared's, pushing
just barely into the touch.
Jared smiled again, glancing at Jensen then away. "Guess I think that there's
someone special. Might be hard to find them but it will happen. Soul mates -
something like that. People who are meant to find each other in the world and
will keep coming together until they meet." He slid the back of his hand across
Jensen's, the other boy's skin was smooth and warm. Jared liked touching him.
"I like that idea." Jensen said quietly, meeting the gentle slide of Jared's
hand with one of his own. Something strange and definitely not unpleasant
fluttered in the pit of his stomach when their fingers passed. Jensen had never
felt anything like it before and he blinked, looking down at their hands and
back up into Jared's eyes. "Thanks for being so nice to me. I'm sure, with the
way everyone is usually crap to you, it's probably not easy to trust someone or
something."
Shrugging, Jared turned to meet Jensen's gaze. "You're letting me be nice. It's
a flaw of mine, I trust everyone until I have a reason not to. Probably gets me
fucked over a lot but - I'd rather not miss the great people. When you said
before - that you liked guys too - have you ever kissed a guy? Touched one?"
Jared tilted his head. There were freckles scattered across Jensen's cheeks,
his nose - actually his entire face. It was kind of cute - unusual too.
For a moment, Jensen's mind flashed back to that dark room, the smell of
alcohol thick and prominent, the way his mind was spinning out of control. "I
don't think it really counts," he whispered, swallowing a few times. His eyes
drifted around the room before settling on Jared. "I was pretty drunk. And not
really aware of what was going to happen before it did. I probably would have
freaked out more, if I hadn't thought about more than once. I um, definitely
haven't done any touching."
"A guy kissed you?" Jared tilted his head slightly, watching the expressions
changing on Jensen's face. He looked sad, hurt, and confused and Jared's brow
furrowed. Turning his hand he curled his fingers loosely over Jensen's hand so
he could pull away if he wanted.
"Yeah." Jensen slowly nodded, surprised by the leap in his chest when their
palms met and his fingers spread slightly against Jared's. "That was, the
thing. Before. With the falling out." Jensen pursed his lips and looked back up
at Jared. "I'm not sure I can really talk about it yet. Sorry." He shrugged but
didn't move away, finding Jared's touch far more comforting then anything had
been in awhile.
"It's okay, you don't have to." It made Jared sad to think that someone might
have done something to Jensen without his consent or just because he was a
little too drunk to know what was going on. "Do you want to sit? Are you
staying for a little while?" He'd just realized that they were still standing
by the desk as though ready to leave.
"Could we listen to some music for awhile?" Jensen asked, not really looking
forward to the idea of going home and sitting around alone. "Unless you had
other stuff to get done tonight?"
"Sure," Jared smiled and stood up straight reluctantly letting go of Jensen's
hand. Moving over to the bed he sat down and leaned against the headboard
letting Jensen decide for himself where he'd like to sit. "Do you have an
iPod?"
"No. I'm kind of a music failure." Jensen laughed and looked around the room,
considering options before slowly moving to Jared's bed and sitting along the
edge. "You'll have to teach me your music genius."
"I just like a little bit of everything. I could make you a cd of some of my
favorites if you'd like... maybe if we hang out a bit and I get to know what
you like." Jared could see how nervous Jensen seemed. He supposed there could
be lots of reasons why - but certainly what he'd yet to explain about the guy
who'd kissed him. "I won't do that you know. Kiss you if you're not - I mean.
Like whatever happened. I'm not asking you to talk about it or anything, just
saying."
Glancing up toward Jared, Jensen couldn't help grinning. "Yeah, I know. You
seem like the proper gentleman who'd ask first and give me plenty of time to
back off if that's what I wanted." After a moment Jensen reached out and patted
Jared's leg. "I try to trust people too. If I spent the rest of my life being
paranoid about it, then I might never get anywhere." That much he could at
least know for sure. Jensen let his hand linger for a moment before he withdrew
and turned on the bed to properly face Jared. "So, let's find out what kind of
music I like."
Grinning Jared pointed to the remote. "You have the power. Flick through till
you find something that seems really good." He smiled, watching as Jensen
pushed the buttons on the remote.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Having a friendship was pretty damn awesome. Having one with Jared was on a
level Jensen couldn't explain. The guy was quirky to say the least. Some days
he wouldn't take his headphones off for anything, not even when Jensen joined
him along the wall to eat his lunch. He didn't mind though and could usually
tell right away. Jensen understood the desire to close in on yourself. He
wished he could do the same on more than one occasion.
Especially when, after a week of at least exchanging greetings and sitting side
by side at lunch, Chris amped up his insults. Jensen could handle them, however
sneered and brutal they might be. He tensed his shoulders and braced himself
whenever they passed in the hall, ready for whatever queer or fag was thrown
his way. Because of it though, Jensen refrained from walking in the halls with
Jared. People might think he was weird, a lot of people were scared of him, but
he didn't come with the gay label. And there was no way Jensen was passing that
along to him.
So their friendship was tied in with Science class and projects - Jared was
kind of a genius, Jensen was really grateful for it - and at lunch. Jared had
such a strange collection of music, Jensen found it kind of exciting to hear
what he played next. Sometimes he liked the songs instantly, nodding at Jared
and apparently Jared made a note of it because once a selection was wide
enough, he'd show up with a new CD. Sometimes he really didn't like the newest
song and he'd laugh and nudge Jared's side, a weird form of teasing the guy
that he'd be listening to something like that.
Despite Jensen's initial dread for his senior year, he found himself actually
starting to enjoy school. Or, well, Science class and lunch when he could spend
some time with Jared. They talked about nothing and everything, their favorite
things, their biggest pet peeves, whatever random information came to Jared's
mind at the time. It was October before Jensen even realized it and one month
of school had gone by. He and Jared only hung out a few times outside of
school, mostly when they had projects due for class, but Jensen understood it
was both he and Jared's way of slowly learning each other.
The second day of October, Jensen didn't even hesitate in his steps the first
time he crossed Chris, so whatever he'd said, Jensen didn't hear. The insults
were just becoming another part of his day. Danneel for her part had taken to
giving him the complete cold shoulder. She didn't even look at him and he
thought it might have to do with the fact that he was clearly not as miserable
as she wanted him to be. Sometime a few weeks before Jensen had made himself a
promise that before the school year ended, he was going to talk to Danneel.
They could never repair what they had, Jensen didn't even want that anymore,
but she had a right to know the truth.
Otherwise she'd spend the rest of her life waiting for the person she was with
to hurt her and Jensen couldn't really stand that. He wanted to talk to Chris
too - or well, punch him really hard in the gut and tell him to knock the shit
off - but he knew Chris and that guy could hold a grudge like none other. Which
was why Jensen wasn't really that surprised to find the guy lingering by his
locker the afternoon after he'd ignored his usual morning insult.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Chris snarled, arms across his
chest.
Jensen expected Steve or Jason to be with him but he was alone. He rolled his
eyes and twisted the combination on his locker, kicking it when it was stuck as
usual. "What do you want Chris?"
"Haven't you hurt Dani enough, Jensen? Now you've got to be openly flirting
with your boyfriend for everyone to see? How the hell do you think that makes
her feel?" Chris growled and widened his stance.
For all that Chris had been working out, he was still shorter than Jensen and
he used that to his advantage, straightening his posture to tell Chris he
wasn't threatened. Chris might hold a grudge, might even hate him, but he
wouldn't hurt him, Jensen felt like he could trust in that. "Jared is not my
boyfriend. He's my friend. I am allowed to have friends Chris, sometimes people
are actually nice and understanding. But you probably can't understand that."
Chris's fist connected hard into the locker beside Jensen's. "You fucking broke
Danneel's heart Jensen. What you did - that doesn't deserve anyone nice or
understanding. You should be miserable and fucking alone."
Jensen's heart tightened painfully in his chest, Chris's words washing through
him, chilling his system. "You used to be my best friend."
"Yeah. Used to be. Just watch your back. And your boyfriend's too." Chris
scowled for a moment longer and turned, stalking down the hall. Steve and Jason
joined him a few lockers down and Jensen sighed.
There was a tight ache in every part of Jensen's body as he gathered up his
things and slowly walked out of the building. He was planning on just going
home, burrowing down in his blankets and listening to Jared's mixed CDs. Only
when he stepped outside, Jared was standing along the sidewalk, hands in his
pocket, head tilted down. Jensen didn't know if he was waiting for his mom, or
the bus, or just standing around because he didn't want to go home yet.
Whatever it was, Jensen found himself walking to him, hesitating for a moment
before touching Jared's arm, wiping hastily at his eyes a moment later so Jared
might not see the tears.
Jared smiled as he turned then frowned when he saw Jensen's face. He slipped
his headphones down off his ears. "Hey, are you okay?" Stepping a little closer
Jared curled his hand over Jensen's elbow. His friend looked anything but okay.
"Do you, are you going somewhere? Could we go, for a walk or on a drive?"
Jensen just wanted to be somewhere else, wanted to take more of that comfort
from Jared and stop himself from aching. He briefly smiled at Jared, hopeful.
"Of course." Jared smiled slightly. He'd never say no to Jensen if his friend
needed him. Truthfully, he'd been standing there half wondering if Jensen had
gone home already. Luck was with him apparently.
Jensen nodded, opening his mouth to ask what Jared wanted to do but cutting off
when he caught sight of Chris's truck peeling past them in the parking lot.
Jerking his head in the direction of the car, Jensen turned and lead the way,
walking swiftly to his vehicle. He unlocked the doors and slid in behind the
steering wheel and tugging his buckle around himself. His fingers curled around
the steering wheel, waiting for Jared to get in. "Anywhere in mind?" he asked
once the door had opened.
"Jensen, are you okay? Do you want to just take a couple minutes?" Jared smiled
sadly watching as Jensen's knuckles went white because he was gripping the
steering wheel so tightly. Brows furrowing, Jared took a deep breath and slid
his hand over the back of his friend's neck. "Hey.. what happened?"
For a moment Jensen's eyes fluttered, that usual little twist of something
pleasant in his gut whenever Jared touched him stock piling on the emotions.
"Chris. He's such a fucking douche bag. Jesus, I can't even believe the way
he's treating me, he never even gave me the chance to explain and it's so
stupid. Chris was my friend. Mine. He's known me almost his entire life, how
can you just throw that all away over some stupid thing that wasn't even my
fault? And now he's with Danneel or whatever so he feels like he has to protect
her honor by calling me an assortment of retarded names."
Jensen heaved in a breath, slowly releasing, fingers uncurling around the
steering wheel. His eyes shifted to Jared and he smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. He
just, basically threatened you and me back there and I can't really deal with
that."
"Me?" Jared smiled. "Because we're friends? Do you want me to punch him too?"
He wouldn't and Jensen knew that - but he thought it might make his friend
smile.
A surprised laugh left Jensen's lips and he shook his head. "Don't punch him. I
don't want you to get in trouble. But, he kept calling us boyfriends, and he
said I should watch my back and yours. So just, do that okay? Watch your back.
And tell me if any of them say anything or do anything to you. Because I won't
put up with that shit. It's not fair for you to suffer just because you've
befriended the lost cause."
Blinking a few times, Jared raised his eyebrows. "You're not a lost cause
and... I can take care of myself. He called us boyfriends?" Jared let his hand
slid off Jensen's neck and squeezed his arm.
"I. Well, yeah." Jensen shrugged, looking out the windshield then back at Jared
quickly as the words settled in. "I told him we weren't. So, you know, you
don't have to worry about that. I mean, if that's what you were thinking.
Chris, he doesn't even know what he's talking about. He doesn't even know me."
It was kind of scary to think how very little Chris knew about him, and how
long that had probably been going on.
"I wasn't worried - about the boyfriend comment I mean. I'm sorry that he upset
you so much - do you -" Jared looked out the window. "I like to go to the
cemetery on the other side of town, walk through there, it's really peaceful."
Jared walked there sometimes. It took him forever to get there but it was worth
it - no one really went there anymore and the place was a bit run down but
Jared liked it.
"You know, it doesn't really surprise me that much that you would like to walk
through a cemetery." Jensen's lips twitched in a slight smile and reached out
to take Jared's hand, squeezing softly. He'd gotten a little bit better at
initiating touches between them, and it was always nice. He wanted to ask more
about the boyfriend comment, and why that didn't bother Jared at all, but he
didn't want to be disappointed by the answer so he kept his mouth shut and
backed them out of the parking space, leading them out of the lot. "I can
normal ignore his comments. But he was waiting for me at my locker. No real
choice that time."
Jared shrugged and got comfy in his seat. "He's scared of you." That was his
experience with people. The more scared they were the more they lashed out.
"Why would he be scared of me?" Jensen huffed, shaking his head as he peered
out into the street. "I'm pretty sure I haven't done anything remotely
terrifying."
"No, but you shook up his world a little obviously. I mean, think about it. Why
lash out at someone if you're not scared of them. Maybe - it's to do with what
happened that night." Jared glanced at Jensen out of the corner of his eye.
They still hadn't spoken about what had happened with Jensen the night
everything had changed for him. Jared had his suspicions about what might have
gone on - but no details. Jensen still seemed unable to get the words out.
"Maybe." Jensen nodded slowly and sank back in his seat, eventually reaching
out to turn up the music on his CD player because he knew Jared would want
that. He blushed slightly, knowing it was one of Jared's CDs in the player but
didn't comment on it. "I never meant to hurt anyone you know?" he finally
added, voice soft against the music. "I'm not the kind of person to do that."
"I know that," Jared replied softly. Without looking over at Jensen he reached
out and slid his hand over his friend's thigh for a moment and squeezed. "I
know what you're like and you'd never do that." The smile stayed on his lips as
he pulled his hand back.
Heat coursed up through Jensen and he looked out his window for a moment as
they pulled up to a red light. Part of him wondered if Jared liked him like
that, or if all the touch things were just his way of providing comfort,
connecting with him. Jensen would feel pretty stupid if it turned out Jared
wasn't interested in more because Jensen was, definitely curious at least.
Sometimes he just thought about Jared at night and it could be a little much.
But wonderful all the same.
Jared guided them to the cemetery with the occasional quiet direction and
otherwise it was just music. Jensen was a little lost in his thoughts, trying
to process Chris's latest verbal blows, and he was relieved to pull into the
small lot by the grassy field. It certainly looked abandoned, minus the obvious
indications of burial spots. He climbed out of the car and waited for Jared,
shuffling his foot on the sidewalk slowly.
He looked up when the boy's shoes came into his line of view, smiling softly.
"Do you think... would it be weird, to hug you?" Jensen almost mumbled the
question, lifting his shoulders slightly. He never hugged Chris or Jason, hell
even he and Danneel rarely hugged, like the action alone was some taboo thing
in high school politics.
Smiling warmly, Jared reached out and pulled Jensen into a hug. They fit
together well - Jensen's chin just resting on Jared shoulders; it was nice.
Jared could smell that sweet flowery smell that always made him think of
Jensen. Burying his nose in Jensen's hair he tightened his arms.
Standing there, hugging Jared, Jensen found his mind trying to flip over the
turn of memories to recall the last time he'd actually hugged someone. Outside
his family, and even there it had been awhile. When nothing came to mind,
Jensen's arms tightened around Jared and he turned his head slightly, laying
more comfortably on Jared's shoulder. It felt weird not to want to let go, like
the strong arms around him were keeping him rooted to the earth. "Thank you."
he whispered, barely loosening his grip, lingering over the last moments of the
warmth.
"Jensen, I like touching you - anytime you, well, you want a hug or something."
Jared swallowed and pulled back reluctantly. He liked holding Jensen, it just
felt good. "Want to walk?" When Jensen nodded, Jared slipped his hand into his
friend's and pulled him toward the main path through the cemetery.
They walked in silence for awhile, Jensen wanted to say something, wanted to
hear Jared's voice but there was something nice about the quiet. Until he
randomly blurted out things of course. "My brother dated this girl, Anne Marie,
for... so long. I mean, she just used to always be around, she was like an
older sister to me." Jensen stared off into the distance, smile twitching on
and off his lips. "Then, out of nowhere last Christmas, my brother shows up
with this new girl and she's pregnant. Hilary. She's... horrible. And Josh
won't tell us what happened with Anne Marie. I just, I don't understand how
anyone can do something like that. Because obviously he did something. Doesn't
it seem like he did?"
Jared looked down at the ground as he walked, threaded his fingers through
Jensen's and sighed. "Sometimes relationships are complicated. Maybe he made a
mistake and is too embarrassed to talk about it. You know? From what you've
said before it sounds like your folks are really proud of him. That must be a
hard thing to live up to."
"They're pretty good at giving us all expectations to live up too. Their
definition of a normal life." Jensen shrugged. He couldn't even imagine what
his parents would say if they knew he was walking through a cemetery holding
hands with Jared. They'd probably blow up or something equally horrific. "How
did you get to be so smart?" Jensen bumped their shoulders together, smiling up
at him, fingers itching to reach up and tuck Jared's hair back behind his ears.
"I'm not all that smart. I just - I listen to what you say and I know you.
Well, I think I know you." Jared ducked his head down and pulled Jensen onto a
different path. "You do know that you're a great person right? Okay maybe you
were kinda shitty - before - but now. Don't try and be what other people want
you to be." Jared smiled and gestured toward a bench.
"There's no use trying to be that. I mean, what other people want me to be."
Jensen shrugged and followed Jared to the bench, sitting down beside him. Jared
was right, about him being shitty before, so he'd rather not address it. "I
appreciate it. You know, being so nice and all of that. How many times have I
thanked you for being my friend? Does it make me sound kind of pathetic?"
Jensen glanced up at Jared then down at their hands between them, considering
where to put their hands so they could continue to clasp, and he could slide
closer.
Jared smiled. "You're not pathetic. Not at all - and -" Jared looked over at
Jensen. "I like spending time with you - you don't make me all... overwhelmed."
He liked Jensen's voice, liked the way his fingers were so warm. Letting go of
Jensen's hand Jared could feel a blush creep up over his cheeks as he slid his
arm along the back of the bench. He's seen it on TV - a sort of invitation for
Jensen to move closer.
A sharp flutter curled up in Jensen's chest and he smiled down at his lap,
rolling his bottom lip between his teeth then shifting along the bench. He
wasn't really sure what they were, or weren't, or what they would be, but he
did know that pressing hip to knee against Jared was all sorts of amazing.
"Sometimes, you might make me feel a little overwhelmed." Jensen's head tilted
up to him and his smile softened. "Not in a bad way."
Jared swayed forward slightly. He really wanted to kiss Jensen but things were
so good the way they were. It had been a long time since Jared had a friend
like Jensen and he didn't want to risk losing him. Pulling back slightly, Jared
shifted a little further away. "You feeling any better?"
"Yeah." Jensen nodded, folding his arms across his chest. "What are you doing
this afternoon?" He turned to stare out at the cemetery, looking down to judge
the distance between their bodies and what it meant.
"Do you want to spend the afternoon with me? I mean. Well, I guess you've got
to go back to school. I don't care about school though - I'd rather be with -
" Jared laughed nervously and kicked his sneakers at the dirt. "Can I - can I
..." his voice was quiet and he let his arm slip off the back of the bench and
curl over Jensen's shoulder. It was a simple touch and it sent sparks of
pleasure flying through Jared's body.
Leaning slightly into Jared's body, Jensen felt heat along his cheeks and
hesitated a moment before reaching out and let his hand rest on Jared's thigh.
"I'm done for the day. School I mean. I don't have a class seventh or eighth.
So, I mean, yeah. If you want to spend the afternoon together. I'd really like
that." He squeezed Jared's thigh reassuringly, melting a little easier into
Jared's side.
Jared shivered at the touch. No one had touched him like that in a long time -
the heat of Jensen's body was so hard to ignore. Turning his head slowly, Jared
blinked a few times and leaned forward to press his lips to Jensen's cheek.
Soft and warm, smooth - the scent of Jensen's hair drifted toward Jared and he
smiled. Lips still pressed to his friend's cheek he murmured, "I'd like to
spend the afternoon with you."
There was no part of Jensen ready for the sudden burst of heat Jared's lips on
his skin sparked up in him. When he slowly turned toward Jared, the boy was
much closer than Jensen really knew, besides the part where Jared had just
kissed his cheek. "That sounds good." Jensen whispered, blinking slowly at
Jared, eyes drifting between his gaze and his lips. It felt like a heavy
moment, or like one of them either had to pull away or fall together. Jensen
felt his breath quicken slightly.
Jared wet his lips and sucked in a deep breath. "I -" he swallowed and leaned
forward to press his lips against Jensen's. His heart raced as his lips moved
softly, his lashes fluttering closed. It was gentle and barely there and sent
shivers of sensation flying down Jared's spine.
A pleasantly surprised noise fell from Jensen's lips and he pushed just
slightly into the kiss, moving his lips slow across Jared's, hand tightening on
his thigh without realizing it. It was all, sparky and warm and Jensen hadn't
ever really felt anything like it. He slipped back a few inches, eyes
flickering open to meet Jared's. A slow grin tugged at his lips and he turned
his gaze away as a flush colored his cheeks. "That was nice." He whispered and
laughed quietly a moment later.
"Good. I mean, I'm glad 'cause. Well." Jared smiled and studied the colour on
Jensen's cheek. "I don't know how to do this. With you. I - Usually, when I
have feelings for a guy I know that he's gay already and you don't know - and
there's that thing that happened that kind of hangs there. I half thought when
I kissed you - that I'd be walking home from here." He smiled and dropped his
gaze to Jensen's hands.
Letting his fingers slide slowly along Jared's thigh, Jensen absently picked at
little fuzzies on the denim, watching his hand move. "A few years ago, I was
uh, online and, you know just random searching around. And, there was this pop
up porn ad." Jensen laughed and shook his head, leaning a little harder into
Jared, smiling when the hand over his shoulder tightened. "I was curious, so I
clicked. It was the first time I saw two guys um, you know. And, I got so hard
I barely even had to... well. Yeah, you can put it together. So it's just, I
mean, I like girls. Only, I like guys too. Which, that's okay right?" Jensen
finally looked up at Jared, wetting his lips. "It's okay to like both?"
"Of course it is." Jared's expression softened. "I think that's probably more
common than people admit." Jared was having trouble moving past the image of
Jensen looking at porn and getting hard. The words had set off a heat within
him and he shifted on the bench. "God - that was - hot - thinking about you
doing that. We should, talk about something else." As subtly as he could, Jared
slid his hand over his thigh and adjusted himself in his jeans.
"Really? That got you... um. Yeah, we should talk about something else." Jensen
laughed, shaking his head. But he couldn't help turning enough to brush his
lips along Jared's once more before sinking back on the bench. "Okay. So I was
thinking maybe we could go to a concert some time? I mean, do you like those
kind of things? I know you like music but that would be really loud, would that
bother you?" It was the safest thing Jensen could think of because, as much as
part of him wanted to go down the path of finding out what happened with a
turned on Jared, taking it slow was going to be key for his mind to not
overload on to much and damage things between them.
"No...no. I ... that would be a lot of people." Jared pulled his arm off
Jensen's shoulder and scratched nervously at the side of his neck. Pushing up
from the bench Jared walked a few steps away. "Do you want to go? To concerts
and stuff? I - I don't like things like that usually. People don't - lots of
people don't like me so…" He folded his arms across his chest and turned away
to stare out over the cemetery.
Jensen reeled for a moment at the sudden loss of Jared by his side then stood,
taking a few steps uncertainly toward him. "We don't have to go to a concert. I
was just trying to think of something you might enjoy going to do. We can do
something else. Like a movie? Or go grab a burger sometime?" Jensen sighed and
rubbed his neck, kicking his foot along the edge of the grass. "I'm, kind of
trying to ask you out and not doing a very good job so..." He shrugged and
looked the opposite way.
Jared's lips twitched into a slight smile as he turned back to face Jensen.
"Really? I like movies and burgers and you - so all those thing would be good.
But..." Jared took a few steps back toward Jensen again. "I like to sit in the
back row so no one can sit behind me. What about your friends? What if they see
us?" Jared's smile dimmed slightly. He knew that things were already difficult
with Chris and certainly didn't want to make them worse.
"I can't spend the rest of my senior year hiding from them." Jensen shrugged
once more and looked up at Jared. "It's just, I spent all summer dreading this
upcoming year. I thought I was going to be miserable then I met you and I
already feel like I have more of a friendship with you than I did with Chris
and all of them in my entire life. So, we might get shit about it or something
but I'm willing to take that risk if you are?" Jensen smiled softly and stepped
toward Jared. It also didn't hurt that he knew all the places his previous
friend's went to, so they could avoid those spots and be good.
"Okay. No concert though. But, yeah." Jared dropped his gaze and shoved his
hands in his pocket. There were times when he felt like he understood people
really well and other times when he felt lost - like he didn't get the right
instructions on how to act. "Is that what we're doing today or is that another
day. I mean, I don't mind." Smiling nervously he looked up at Jensen.
"How about Friday night?" Jensen suggested and grinned up at Jared. "We can
still hang out today. But it'll be more, official or something on Friday night.
And I haven't done anything on a weekend in awhile, so that would be cool. No
concerts I promise."
"Alright." Jared lets his smile broaden again. "I'd like to date you. I mean,
got out on a date with you. You know that I say stupid things sometimes right?
I mean, my mom says it's normal - for me - so if I say anything that pissed you
off..." Jared shrugged and looked down at the grass between them. It didn't
seem like very far but as soon as he thought about reaching out to grab
Jensen's hand it felt like a million miles.
A warm laugh left Jensen's lips and he stepped forward, grabbing Jared's hand
and turning them to walk down the path once more. "I just asked you on a date
Jared, so hearing that you want to date me isn't going to piss me off. It's
kind of a relief." He threaded his fingers through Jared's and grinned up at
him. "You want to tell me all about your alien conspiracies?" Jensen just
wanted to get a smile back on Jared's face, so they could both be as happy as
Jensen was feeling at the moment. It felt good to be happy, wonderful not to
think about things of the past and just focus on now.
-=-=-=-
"Jared honey? Why is your shirt on the ironing board?" Sheri was sipping a
coffee and staring at the ironing board.
Jared ran up the basement stairs. "Duh. Mom because I'm ironing it." He grinned
and moved over the pick up the iron.
Sheri slipped her hand over Jared's forehead. "You okay?"
"You're funny." Jared slid the iron across the backside of his collar. "I have
a date."
Sheri raised an eyebrow and sat down at the kitchen table. "With who?"
"Whom."
"Jared. Who are you going on a date with?"
"Jensen."
"Jensen the boy who was over here the other night?" Sheri looked a little
surprised.
"Yeah. He asked me to a movie or something. Definitely not a concert." Jared
was still relieved about the not a concert part. Admittedly, he was a little
nervous about the movie but he thought it would be okay if he were with Jensen.
"Hmm."
"What does that mean, Mom?" Jared moved on to one of the sleeves of his shirt.
"Well, didn't you just become friends with him ... recently?" Sheri put her
coffee down on the table and looked over at her son.
"Yeah, well, not that recently. I think - well - we're gonna date." Jared
couldn't help smiling. He'd been feeling pretty happy ever since Jensen had
asked him out. Actually, the idea of being in a movie theatre with Jensen, in
the dark, sitting close together kind of appealed to him.
"Does he know about you? Your challenges?" Sheri smiled warmly at her son.
"Yes, Mom. I told him that I have A.D.D. if that's what you mean. He
understands it a little." Jared focused on his shirt, trying not to get short-
tempered. He knew that his mother was just worried about his challenges. That's
what she had always called them. Challenges - not illness, or disabilities or
issues or any of those other words that she thought were laden with judgment.
"Just don't. Jared, honey, don't get too involved too quickly. You know-"
"Mom, I know." Jared rolled his eyes. "You think I get attached to people too
quickly because of the way I interact with them. 'Cause I listen so much and
pay attention. But Mom, Jensen pays attention too." Jared put the iron down and
looked over at his mom. "He listens to me Mom and he tries to understand. And
he used to be a jock but he did something ... I don't know what yet but his
friends don't hang out with him anymore. Jensen says if he hadn't met me his
school year would have sucked." Smiling warmly, Jared picked up the iron again.
"So he used to be a popular kid?"
"Yeah. Mom? Don't worry. It's going to be fine. Jensen is really sweet and
we're not rushing into anything - we've only even held hands and had a really
tiny kiss if you must know."
Sheri held up her hand and smiled. "I just - you were so upset after Chad,
honey. We thought that Chad understood about you too - and. Well, I won't be a
downer. I just don't want you to go through that again." Standing, Sheri walked
over and kissed Jared on the cheek. "Gosh, I remember when I could reach your
cheek without having to go up on my toes."
Laughing, Jared picked his shirt up and unplugged the iron. "Don't work too
hard Mom."
"I won't. Be home at a reasonable time?"
"I will, Jensen's driving. It's all good Mom. See you tomorrow morning." Jared
smiled and shook out his shirt.
It didn't take Jared long to get ready. Actually, he was ready and waiting for
more than half an hour before he heard the familiar sound of Jensen's engine
outside. After a brief moment of indecision Jared yanked the door open and
headed down the sidewalk to meet Jensen half way. He stopped just short of
bumping in to Jensen and grinned, hair flopping down over his eyes. "Hi. I got
dressed up a little."
Jensen's eyes slid over Jared's button down shirt and nice jeans, he felt
instantly better about the nicer clothes he'd put on. "Me too. Just a little."
He smiled and stepped a little closer, taking Jared's hand and squeezing
softly. "You look really nice." Jensen ducked his head for a moment before
stepping in and pushing up to kiss Jared's cheek. "Come on, I have a surprise
for you." He laughed softly and pulling Jared back to his car.
"I don't really like surprises much." Jared pressed his lips together even as
he fell into step behind his friend.
"It's," Jensen sighed softly and shrugged. "It's a good surprise. I promise.
Trust me?" Jensen walked Jared to the passenger door, pausing there and smiling
softly at him. "I know you well enough Jared to not push things for you okay?"
His hand fluttered up, brushing Jared's hair back for just a moment.
"I trust you." Jared smiled, his own hand raised to touch where Jensen's had
just been. Pulling the passenger door open Jared climbed in the car and buckled
his seat belt. Waiting patiently for Jensen to get in the car he stared. "Where
is it?"
"Well, if I told you, that would kind of defeat the point of the surprise."
Jensen's lips twitched in a slight smile as he shifted in the seat, pulling the
belt across his lap. For a minute he considered telling Jared because he looked
so nervous and unsure, and Jensen didn't want to start things off on the wrong
note. "Do you really want to know? I can tell you."
"I trust you." While Jensen started the car and pulled out onto the street,
Jared watched him. He had dressed up - and it looked good on him. A light blue
button down shirt, obviously his best jeans and some pretty cool shoes that
Jared hadn't seen before. "It's like a real date. You dressed up, I dressed
up." Jared nodded and turned to look out the window.
"That was the point." Jensen laughed and slipped the car into drive, leading
them down the street. "I would have, brought your flowers or something? But I
mean, you're a guy and it seemed like it would be weird to get you flowers. So
I just, I got you -" Jensen huffed, reaching behind Jared's seat and setting a
small bag on Jared's lap. "It's stupid. My mom though, she says you should
always get someone a gift of some sort when you take them out. Or, maybe it was
you should never show up empty handed. I don't know, I'm just babbling because
I'm nervous."
Frowning over at Jensen, Jared pulled the bag open. "Wow! You got me
headphones." He yanked them out of the bag. "They're the kind that keep sound
out." Grinning from ear to ear, Jared tore into the packaging and pulled the
headphones out so he could slide them over his ears. "Comfy," he said a little
too loud.
Laughing, Jensen reaching out and laid his hand over Jared's arm. Once the boy
had pulled the headphones down again, Jensen grinned. "I'm glad you like them.
It took me - well, far too long to pick out a set I thought you'd like. So,
those are good then? And they're still ones you can wear in school? I noticed
your other ones were ripped and worn."
"Yeah, these will be so much better. Thank you. That's really - wow. Thank you,
Jensen. I didn't get you anything though. Is that a rule for dates?" Jared
frowned slightly and turned to look at Jensen.
"I don't think so." Jensen smiled, shaking his head slightly as he drove them
through town. "Anyway, I don't need anything. I just wanted to get you
something because I like you? And maybe that's what you do when you like
someone." Jensen chuckled and slowly shrugged. "I didn't even ask if you had a
genre of movies you liked more than another or something." Jensen wet his lips
and glanced over at Jared. "I may not be too good at this."
"I don't like romance movies. Or movies that are supposed to be really funny
because I usually don't find them funny. Except The Hangover - everyone said
that was funny and it actually was. Wait - you're not good at what?" Jared put
his headphones back into the packaging and then the bag and put it down by his
feet.
"Taking someone on a date. Believe it or not." Jensen scratched along his
thigh, following the highway and scanning the upcoming signs for the exit. "I
guess, I never really had to plan any of the stuff you know? Danneel always
just, told me where we were going. But, I kind of like this, you know, figuring
out what you would enjoy doing and stuff." Jensen glanced toward Jared with a
small smile then looked back at the road. "We're almost there."
"What kind of movies do you like?" Jared didn't like talking about Danneel - or
at least, he didn't like it when Jensen did. It made the saddest look appear on
his friend's face.
"Action. Some horror. Random this and that depending on who's in it?" Jensen
laughed and turned off the side road, leading them down a dirt path and up to a
small booth. He rolled down the window and paid thirty dollars for their
tickets and a large thing of popcorn before starting down the path again. When
he glanced toward Jared, the man still looked confused and Jensen couldn't help
grinning. "I figured you probably didn't know about it, since you moved her not
too long ago. It's a drive in. Not a lot of people come here anymore, this
might be its last year open and they only play older movies but..." Jensen
shrugged, taking them around a hill and into a valley where the large board was
set up.
There were only a few cars in place, Jensen chose a spot far away from them all
along the back row and looked down Jared. "Is it totally lame?"
"It's not lame at all. Actually, I like it a lot. Your car's well, it's better
than a seat in a theatre. And it's just you and me. That's nice." Jared took a
breath and closed his mouth. He really wanted to pick up the headphones again,
try them on again but he resisted. "Where does the sound come from? The radio?"
"Yeah, there's a station." Jensen glanced down at the paper and turned on the
radio to the AM station, tuning to the right station. He hadn't given much
thought to how they'd sit but he thought maybe Jared would want the space or
something. "There. Okay. Movie starts in a few." Jensen nodded and glanced at
Jared. "You okay?"
"It's not what I had planned for the movie seats." Jared half smiled and looked
around. "You see. In my head. We'd be sitting close so - I could hold your hand
and maybe -" he shrugged. "This is okay though. I was just saying ... you
know... what I had planned." Nodding Jared scratched nervously at his temple
and leaned forward to peer out at the big screen.
"We could sit in the back?" Jensen suggested and glanced back. "I mean, we
probably wouldn't be able to see the movie very well but it's uh, the Matrix,
and I've seen it a million times anyway? Have you seen it? You could sit in the
middle and, that would work?" Jensen suggested with a small smile, dropping
back in his seat.
"Do you want to sit in the back?" Jared smiled, turning slightly to face
Jensen. "I won't... I won't do anything weird. I have seen it - it's a good
movie." He nodded and reached out to touch Jensen's sleeve. "Did I say I really
liked your shit? Because I do."
"Thanks." Jensen grinned and unbuckled his belt, pushing the door open. "Let's
get in back." He climbed out, carrying the popcorn and moved to the back door.
He'd already thought ahead and brought a couple bottles of water, resting on
the floor in the back seat. He climbed in around them and glanced toward the
back door as Jared got in. "I don't know what you classify as weird, but I'm
pretty sure I'll be okay with whatever you might want to do. I mean, you know."
Jensen shrugged, stuffing a handful of popcorn in his mouth.
"It's starting," Jared murmured. The radio had gone quiet for a few moments and
the screen had lit up. Hesitating for a few moments Jared pressed his lips
together and then slid toward the center of the back seat. As their sides
pressed together Jared smiled and slumped down in the seat. "I can see if I do
this, slid down." He tugged on Jensen's arm. This was absolutely going to be
better than sitting in a movie theater with an arm rest between them.
Jensen situated himself against Jared's side, smiling when his arm looped over
his shoulders. "Popcorn?" He offered and set the bag between them just in case,
slumping down a little further so his head could rest on Jared's shoulder. It
maybe should have been weird but it wasn't, Jensen was more comfortable than he
could have imagined.
"Do you ever get those kernels stuck in your throat? And they're there for days
after?" Jared wrinkled his nose and picked up a handful of popcorn, tossing it
into his mouth. Having Jensen sitting right under his arm was nice; more than
nice actually.
Laughing softly, Jensen nodded, dipping forward a moment later to pull up the
two bottles of water. He settled one by himself and the other on the opposite
side of Jared's legs. He let his arm linger over Jared's body and when it
seemed like he wouldn't pull away, he left it there. "Trinity is so badass. If
I were a girl, I'd want to be like her." Jensen chuckled, hand brushing against
Jared's when he lifted it for another handful of popcorn.
Jared gave up on the popcorn quickly. Holding Jensen's hand was much more
pleasant and Jared could have popcorn any time; it was pretty easy to choose
between the two. He threaded his fingers through Jensen's, looking down at
their hands briefly. "I like that - when our hands are together and I can see
it. Makes it real." Blinking slowly, he sighed out a long breath and looked
back up at the movie screen
"I like it too." Jensen said quietly and squeezed Jared's hand, heart
fluttering in response. The screen was pretty far away but Jensen had seen the
movie enough to not need it close to see the details. The bag of popcorn
somehow moved to the other side of Jared but Jensen didn't mind, he wanted them
to be close. After awhile of just watching, Jensen shifted slightly so he could
look up at Jared through the dim light.
If this were a different situation, one he knew better, he probably wouldn't
hesitate in any actions. With Jared though, it all felt more intense, more
important. Wetting his lips he leaned up slightly, pressing a small kiss to the
corner of Jared's lips and falling back a few inches, smiling down at their
hands.
Licking his lips slowly, Jared turned and stared down at Jensen's face. The
natural thing to do would have been to turn toward the other boy and crush his
mouth against Jensen's. God that was what Jared wanted - but Jensen was still -
guarded, even though Jared knew that his friend trusted him. Trusted him to
continue things slowly.
His heart thumping loudly in his chest, Jared closed the distance between them
again. His lips pressed against Jensen's, soft and sure, moving slightly -
opening enough to capture Jensen's bottom lip. A shudder ran through him
because he thought of it a lot - kissing Jensen, being pressed so closely
beside him.
Jensen tilted more into the kiss, lips parting against Jared's. He liked how
firm and sure they were, the salty hint of popcorn, something minty like maybe
Jared's toothpaste before. A small moan left his lips and he parted their hands
so he could reach up and gently curve his fingers around Jared's neck. He could
feel the race of Jared's pulse under his finger tips, the smooth silky skin.
Jensen's heart fluttered in his chest as he tentatively slid his tongue
forward, barely grazing Jared's bottom lip.
It was then Jared realized that he was in trouble already. Heat swelled within
him and he shifted slowly so he was facing Jensen a little more. Jensen's
tongue was sweet, soft - tentative and Jared's lips parted quickly, deepening
the kiss. Fingers curling over Jensen's thigh, Jared pressed closer wanting
more of the warmth of Jensen's body.
Kissing Jared came more naturally to Jensen then he could have anticipated. His
fingers slid back into Jared's hair, curling along the back and softly
stroking. Another moan echoed through him and Jensen sucked Jared's tongue into
his mouth, pressing as close as he possibly could. Little tingling seemed to
flare along his skin and Jensen felt like he wanted to get closer, not sure how
he ever could. It was the best kiss he'd ever had, no question in mind, and
Jensen pressed his tongue more sure against Jared's.
Jared didn't intend to moan, but then - Jesus - Jensen was sucking on his
tongue and it felt like it was setting his body of fire. Letting his hand slid
up Jensen's side, Jared felt his friend's body shiver. The shirt was soft and
cool but Jensen's body was firm just underneath it; firm and warm. Moaning
again Jared resisted the urge to yank Jensen onto his lap and kiss the life out
of him. God. It felt so good. Jensen's lips were the softest, perfect for
kissing - so warm and full Jared felt like he would just forget how to even
breathe if they kissed long enough.
No part of Jensen wanted to break the kiss but the need to take a full inhale
of air pressed against him and Jensen pulled back just an inch, panting against
Jared's lips. "Wow." he whispered against Jared's lips, sliding his mouth once
more across Jared's and smiling. "That's, really, good." Jensen breathed in
Jared's exhaled breath and pressed forward once more, tongue almost instantly
sliding forward to explore Jared's mouth.
Jared let his tongue slide forward to press along Jensen's. Every movement felt
like more than it was, each sound louder - but Jared wouldn't change it for the
world. Heart thundering he slid his arm up to curl around Jensen's neck,
pulling him closer - moving him exactly where he wanted him. Tilting his head
to the side, their mouthed slanted and the kiss deepened. Jared's breath
hitched in his chest and he shifted again, sliding his free hand behind
Jensen's body so he could circle his arm around him.
The most natural thing to do was to find the closer even if Jensen wasn't
certain what that closer really was. His hand slid down from Jared's neck,
pressing against his chest, sliding against the smooth fabric of his shirt. He
moaned a little louder, rocking forward slightly as his thumb slid between the
buttons on Jared's shirt, grazing along his skin. Everything hummed in Jensen
and he pulled back slightly once more, blinking up at Jared. "Is this okay?" he
whispered, slightly breathless.
"Oh yeah," Jared murmured. The slight touch of Jensen's fingertips and he'd
felt that shiver again, this time running down the length of his spine. "Can I
-" Jared swallowed and shifted on the seat. "I'm worried I'll do too much."
Jared's voice was deep, a little rough and soft. Raising his hand he brushed
the backs of his fingers against Jensen's cheek.
"Trust me, Jared, I want this." Jensen nodded, leaning slightly into the touch,
eyes flickering. "I'd tell you, if it wasn't. And this, it's so very different
then -" Jensen shrugged and looked down at his thumb sliding between Jared's
shirt, brushing more sure along the skin. "So, you can do, whatever you want,"
he whispered and looked back up at Jared, wetting his lips.
The movement of Jensen's tongue drew Jared's gaze and he swayed forward again,
lips crushing hard against his friend's. Whatever you want. The words lingered
in his brain for a while, teasing until Jensen moaned and Jared's thoughts
cleared. Pushing at the bottom of Jensen's shirt he managed to untuck it and
slide his hand underneath. Smooth skin slid under Jared's hand and he sucked in
a breath through his nose. He felt Jensen's body respond instantly, arching up
off the seat and it just made Jared's blood race faster through his veins.
The heat of Jared's hand was such a contrast, surprisingly long fingers across
his chest and Jensen entire body felt like it was on overload. The simplest of
touches shouldn't make him feel this way but Jensen would much rather think
about Jared's lips on his than contemplate how Jared could make him feel this
way. Sliding his hand across Jared's chest once more he could feel his friend's
heart racing against his palm, the accompanying sharp thrill knowing he was
affecting Jared as well. Their tongues met and Jensen was moaning again, unable
to resist it.
Trembling, Jared slid his arm forward so his fingers could curl around Jensen's
back. Letting himself fall back against the door he pulled Jensen up over him.
It was awkward; really they were too tall and Jared broke the kiss to laugh
softly. "Too tall," he murmured. Smiling he shifted his leg under his friend so
Jensen could settled between them. Biting down hard on his bottom lip, Jared
stared into his friend's eyes. "Is this okay?" God, he hoped it was because
having Jensen lying over him felt so good.
"Y-yeah." Jensen nodded shakily, slowly letting his weight rest on Jared. His
friend was right, they were too tall to make the best use of the backseat but
it still felt really amazing. He dragged his teeth over kiss swollen lips as
stared down at Jared, blinking once before stretching out so their hips could
meet. Even through denim it sent a burst of heat through him and Jensen
swallowed, hard. "I've never felt anything like this," he confided quietly, one
hand finding purchase on the seat below Jared.
"S'good... sorry. I'm shaking." Jared let his hands settle gently on Jensen's
hips, his eyes fluttering closed for a few moments. He was hard already - God,
of course he was. Jensen was gorgeous, and kissed so good - and now, their
bodies were pressed together in all the right places. About to apologize for
being so turned on Jared realized he could feel the hard line in his friend’s
jeans as well. The apology died on his lips and he smiled, sliding his hands
back just enough so his fingers could slip under the hem of Jensen's shirt and
graze over his skin.
"Do I make you nervous?" Jensen whispered, using his free hand to run along
Jared's shirt collar, brushing against the skin. Fingers sliding up he tilted
Jared's head back and dropped down, lips gently brushing along his neck,
tentative if only to make sure this was something Jared enjoyed. He knew, so
far, Jared seemed to like all the touching, just feeling his friend's arousal
was enough to have his hips pressing forward.
"Yes. No. I mean, not nervous." Jared swallowed, hands slid straight up under
Jensen's shirt so his palms could press firmly against his friend's muscular
back. He let his head fall back against the door and groaned softly as it hit
hard. It was taking every bit of restraint he had not to rock his hips up into
Jensen's; the way those lips were moving on his neck, the barely there teasing
touch. "Jensen, you can...you can touch me however you want." Dragging his palm
down his friend's back Jared stopped just at the start of Jensen's ass, fingers
curling hard into the denim.
Jensen thought there might be somewhat of a request in there with the
permission to touch Jared and his stomach churned pleasantly, arousal thick and
heavy in his system. His lips continued to move across Jared's neck, pressing
firmer, sliding open mouthed along the skin to pull in the slightly salty
taste. Eyes fluttering closed, Jensen slowly rocked his hips down against
Jared's, making the action strong enough for Jared to feel. Friction slid
across his dick and he moaned against Jared's skin, hand between them fitting
awkwardly in the cramped space until he could tug at Jared's shirt, caress
heated skin beneath the fabric.
Jared moaned as his stomach muscles rippled under Jensen's palm. Squeezing his
eyes shut he slid his hand down over Jensen's ass, fingers squeezing gently as
his hips rolled up. Lifting his other hand he combed his fingers through
Jensen's hair - it was softer than he expected, light and fine. Jensen moaned
again; a short puff of warm air against Jared's neck and the sound went
straight to his dick. Aching, he was sure he'd never been so hard before but
Jensen was just driving him crazy in the best possible way.
"Jensen," he whispered. "Hey..." Jared laughed softly, then moaned and raised
his head so he could look down at Jensen when his friend looked up. "We should
-" he cleared his throat. "I mean - you aren't - this isn't your." Jared wasn't
entirely sure what he was trying to say except that he didn't want Jensen to
get in over his head - or feel like Jared was pushing him. "Slow, right?"
"Oh." Jensen blinked a few times, clearing the haze of want from his eyes. He
moved back, missing the heat of Jared's body almost instantly when he dropped
down on the far side of the bench. "Sorry, I guess, got carried away or
something." Jensen shrugged and shifted uncomfortably in his jeans, rolling his
tingling lips together. His chest felt a little tight but he couldn't quite
place why. Glancing toward the screen, Jensen tried to place where the movie
was but couldn't. "It was really good though. So, um, yeah." Jensen bit down on
his lip, hoping he hadn't been pushing things with Jared and making him feel at
all uncomfortable.
"Hey, I didn't want to stop. I just - Jensen. You've never done this before
right?" Jared smiled and grabbed Jensen's arm, pulling him closer again.
"Not with a guy no." Jensen shook his head and allowed Jared to pull him across
the seat. "Have you?" He'd been curious about Jared's experience level for
awhile, seemed like the right time to ask.
"I had a boyfriend, Chad. We did ... stuff." Jared wasn't sure how much detail
Jensen was looking for. "I just don't want to screw this up. 'Cause I really -
" Jared dropped his gaze for a moment, then glanced at Jensen out of the corner
of his eye. "I really like being with you. We could, I'd like it if we dated
more - like so we could be boyfriends. If you wanted I mean. Now that you've
kissed me I guess that could change but you seemed to like it." Jared knew that
he was talking too much but he really wanted Jensen to understand.
"I'd like that." Jensen nodded, smiling slightly and reaching out to run a hand
through Jared's hair. "The dating and the boyfriend thing. And, I mean, you're
probably right. About taking it slow and all. Plus there's not a lot of room
back here and I'd want anything we did to be, special. Or something." Jensen
laughed and slumped against Jared's side. "I say or something way too much
huh?" His hand settled on Jared's chest, absently picking at a button.
There was no way Jared was going to keep the grin off his face so he didn't
bother trying. "You don't say anything too much. I pretty much like all the
words you choose." Sliding his hand up, he curled his fingers into Jensen's
hair. "I pretty much like you a lot." He could feel himself blushing and turned
back to look at the screen even though he had no idea what was going on and
would much rather look at Jensen.
Eyes lifting to Jared, Jensen grinned and let his head drop onto his shoulder.
"Yeah. I pretty much like you a lot too." He laughed softly at the words and
closed his eyes, savoring the moment. "Wanna get ice cream after this?"
"I love ice cream." Jared was still smiling.
"Good. Ice cream it is." Jensen felt mildly silly with the smile that was on
his face but he couldn't really be bothered to care about it at the moment.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chances were, Jensen had to be drawing some sort of suspicion by the smile
stretching across his lips almost constantly in the days following his first
date with Jared. They'd gone out for ice cream after the movie, sitting across
from each other in a booth, legs touching as the shared small smiles and random
conversation. There was pretty much nothing about the night that Jensen didn't
adore. Everything they talked about was basically pointless but Jensen laughed,
touched Jared's arm, allowed himself to be happier than he had been for a long
time and it was impossible not to feel the radiating warmth from that.
"It must have been some date last night, either that or your cereal is really,
really good." Donna laughed as she entered the kitchen, looking over at her son
then crossing the kitchen.
"What?" Jensen looked up, eyes widening slightly. "How did you know I went on a
date last night?"
Donna met his gaze and laughed a little louder. "Jensen, you were dressed very
nice when you left the house, I didn't hear you come in last night, and now
you're grinning like a fool. All classic date signs. So, how is Danneel?"
A wince pulled Jensen's shoulders together and he slowly shook his head. If he
could count, Jensen thought his mom might have asked this particular question
more than twenty times since school had started. No matter how many times he
told her otherwise, she never seemed to listen. Jensen had to do something
about this. "Mom. Danneel and I broke up last May, okay? And you really need to
stop asking me about it because, I just, she's not a part of my life anymore
and you need to respect that."
The words must have registered in some way, Jensen saw the flash of something
in her eyes but it was gone just as quick. "Well. What happened then?"
Jensen couldn't even tell Jared about it yet and he felt a connection with him
a thousand times stronger than the one with his mom. However sad that might be.
So he couldn't tell her, couldn't possibly explain it in a way that made sense.
"It was just, a thing. It happened. It's over. Okay? So I would really
appreciate it if you could stop asking about her."
"I'm sorry Jensen, I didn't realize you were so serious about this. I thought
it was just a phase you two were going through." Donna sighed and twisted her
hand towel together, leaning against the counter to watch her soon. "So, who
was your date with last night? Do I know her?"
"No." Jensen pushed up from the table, carrying his bowl of cereal to the sink
and setting it there. He hesitated, curling his fingers around the counter top.
"It was, my date, it was really great and I had a really awesome time and I
really like- this. Um. This. Jared." His shoulders tensed, waiting for the
words to register with his mom, waiting for the fall out.
"That's nice honey," Donna muttered, distracted by the stack of papers in her
hands. "I'll have to meet her soon."
"What?" Jensen watched her walk out of the kitchen, eyes widening once more.
"Not, not her. Mom! Jared, did you hear -" he muttered, slumping back against
the counter, arms dropping at his sides. He could hear the steps creak as she
moved up to her room and Jensen was a little on the stunned side that she'd
just completely blown off his confession about dating a boy. He growled in
frustration, palm pressing down onto the counter top.
-=-=-=-
"I tried to tell my mom about dating you," Jensen said quietly as he shifted on
the blanket beneath them, arms pressed flush together, palms gently brushing as
their fingers slid slowly together and apart and back again. They were laying
in the park, staring up at the sky, sun beating down on them just warm enough
to counteract the slight chill in the air. "Sometimes I think she has something
clogging her brain or something, like whatever I say can't penetrate or
something." Jensen sighed and turned his head to Jared. This probably their
official second date, though sometimes Jensen liked to think their soft flirty
words during lunch and class could equal into dates at school or something.
"Your mom knows you’re gay right?"
"Yeah. I told her a long time ago. Was really glad after everything with Chad."
Jared glanced over at Jensen quickly and smiled. "Maybe your Mom's just not
ready to hear it yet. Means a lot of changes for her. I guess. My mom said that
she had to make a bit of an adjustment - thinking about how I might not get
married or have kids - or even how things might be a hell of a lot harder for
me than if I were straight."
"Yeah. I guess, I mean, I didn't expect her to just blow it off like I said
nothing." Jensen scratched along his chin, turning slightly to stare down at
Jared. "I suppose I'll just keep not denying it and one day she'll finally talk
to me about it. Hey, can I ask you a question." Jensen ran his fingers along
Jared's jaw, smiling softly. He liked touching Jared, liked the way it made his
heart flutter so warm and pleasant.
"You can ask me anything." Jared let his eyes close. He loved the way Jensen
touched him; he thought about it when they weren't able to be together and let
himself be drawn right into it when they were. Fingers sliding back between
Jensen's he shifted a little closer.
Smiling fondly down at Jared, Jensen dipped down slightly to press a small kiss
to the corner of Jared's mouth. "I just, I was wondering about your experience
level. You know, what you and Chad, um, did. Is that okay to ask? I don't want
to make you uncomfortable." Jensen dragged his thumb along Jared's jaw line,
smoothing over the skin.
Jared blinked his eyes open and gazed up at the sky for a few moments. "We, uh.
Lots of well, maybe not lots. I mean, we were together for almost a year before
he - we had sex." Jared closed his eyes again and waited for Jensen to pull
away from him.
"Oh." Jensen nodded slowly, hand dropping to Jared's shirt, absently picking at
the material. "Like, all the way? Were, did you," Jensen frowned and shook his
head. "Yeah that's probably not any of my business. Sorry, I shouldn't have
asked."
"Why not? I mean, we're together aren't we?" It felt a little weird to talk
about it, weird to somehow bring Chad into the middle of them. "It was just
once. I didn't. He was -" Jared curled his arm under Jensen's neck and pulled
him closer, needing to hold him. "He said he didn't want to wait anymore. That
we should do it - or break up - and ... well. Yeah, we had sex and then the
next day everything was different. He stopped talking to me at school and
wouldn't take my calls and -" Jared shrugged.
Opening his eyes he looked down at Jensen. "Is that what you meant? I didn't,
he -" Jared sighed, frustrated, unused to his words not coming easily. "He
fucked me. I hate that word sometimes, you know? There needs to be another word
that's not like all romantic like make love and not harsh either. Sometimes, it
makes sense. It's very descriptive. Sometimes, there should be another word..."
his voice trailed off and he held Jensen as close as he could.
"So, I mean, with Chad, it wasn't just fucking? Even though after he was a
complete and total asshole and treated you like shit?" Jensen frowned, looping
his arm around Jared's body and resting his head on his chest. "How could
someone be with you for a year then do something that horrible to you? It's,
god, that's so horrible." Jensen had been wondering what happened with the
whole Chad issue, he definitely liked the guy even less.
"I guess it was never what I thought it was. Things seldom are. It meant
something to me, it just didn't mean anything to him - or not the same to him I
guess. My mom says that relationships are like that, uneven. Someone always
loves more, harder. That was my turn to be like that I guess." Jared's hand
moved up to cup the back of Jensen's neck, fingers moving slowly over his skin.
"That can't be true." Jensen whispered, squeezing his eyes closed as he
considered Jared's words. "There has to be someone right? Sometime when you'd
love someone evenly? It just doesn't seem fair otherwise. Why would you even
try to love someone if you might always be the one to love more?" Jensen
frowned, unsure if he was feeling more sad on Jared's behalf or angry that
someone could hurt him like that.
"It's harder to love some people. I'm hard to love. I say stupid things
sometimes, and my brain - it doesn't work like other people's. It's okay
though. Maybe one day it will come in handy. Like the world will be ending or
something and I'll be the person who figures out how to save it." He forced a
soft laugh and shivered slightly. "You warm enough? Do you need to go home
soon?" Jared buried his face in the warmth of Jensen's hair.
"Hey." Jensen pushed up and cupped Jared's jaw, holding him steady so their
eyes could meet. "I think you're amazing. You say what's on your mind, and not
a lot of people can do that. As for that Chad guy? He's a complete douche and I
would love to kick his ass. No one should ever do something like that, it's
shit." Jensen pressed a small kiss to Jared's lips and pulled back, smiling
down at him. "Do you want to go?"
"I never like saying good-bye to you." Jared answered easily. If he could, he
would spend every free moment with Jensen, tell him everything. "Jensen? What
happened to you? Before... with Danneel?"
Pursing his lips, Jensen sighed and slowly sat up, dragging a hand through his
hair. "It's stupid, probably not near as bad as I make it out to be." He
shrugged and pulled his legs up, wrapping his arms around them. "We were at
this end of the year party. I had too much to drink, way too much. I, Danneel
and I were fighting all the time. So I just wanted to get away from all the
yelling so I went upstairs. I don't even remember who's house I was at. Just, I
was in this room and it was dark and he just kind of came out of nowhere. It's
all pretty fuzzy. I just remember him kissing me and trying to push me back
down on the bed then the door opened and the lights turned on. It was Danneel
and Chris, guess they were looking for me. So."
Jensen glanced back at Jared and sighed. "That probably all sounds pretty
stupid. You know, they just thought I cheated on Danneel with a guy and I
stumbled out of there, I don't even remember how I got home. But I knew it was
too late. The rumors spread so, that was that."
"That's horrible." Jared sat up and scooted up behind Jensen. It seemed wrong,
somehow, to hold Jensen but Jared had to fight every instinct he had to stay
where he was. "Did you tell them? I mean - that's not cool. Who was the guy?"
Jared was unaccustomed to the anger he was feeling. Punching the guy seemed
like far more of a requirement than Jared cared to admit.
Jensen leaned back into Jared's body, a humorless laugh falling from his lips.
"He was just, David. He doesn't go to our school. We knew him from some random
parties. I tried to tell Danneel. I called her the day after, to explain
things." Jensen turned slightly to look at Jared, wetting his lips. "Jared, I'd
never cheat on anyone okay? That's not, I mean, I'm not that kind of person
okay? I promise." He leaned forward to rest his forehead against Jared's,
sighing softly. He just wanted Jared to understand.
"I never thought that you were. You don't seem like you would do that. I
wouldn't. Either. Do that, I mean. If I am with someone - I don't really even
notice other people. My mom says I get too attached because of the way I
think." Jared laughed softly and tipped his chin forward to kiss Jensen. "I
should stop talking about my Mom." Spreading his legs apart he pulled Jensen
closer, they fit together perfectly. "I'm sorry that happened to you. Actually,
I'm not completely - I mean if it hadn't maybe you wouldn't have been so
desperate that you would have spoken to me."
"Hey, desperation had nothing to do with it." Jensen laughed softly and pressed
into Jared's lips, pulling an inch back and smiling. "It was all science class.
You know I did sit by you for a week and I don't think you even looked at me
once." He wrapped his hand over Jared's neck, squeezing once and letting go.
"And people don't realize how awesome you are, they should give you a chance.
Only I'm selfish and would rather not share."
"I saw you. Just didn't know what you wanted." Jared smiled shyly. "In my
defense, you were with Danneel before and then you were sitting by me and,
well." Jared shrugged. How would he not have seen Jensen? Not only did he have
amazing eyes, he had enough freckles for nearly everyone in the school. "I saw
you," he said again softly.
"Oh yeah? Did you have an epic crush on me?" Jensen teased, taking Jared's
hands and looping them around his middle. It probably should have been more
nerve wracking, cuddling here in the middle of the park, but Jensen enjoyed
ever moment of it. "I knew who you were too. We had a class together last year
before you, well, you know."
"You're cute. Hot, whatever the right way is to say it. Of course I saw you.
You and your friends were hard to miss sometimes." Frowning slightly Jared let
his little fingers slide just under the edge of Jensen's shirt. "You never said
anything to me but then - most people don't notice me much. Not at all really.
The headphones help with that. Do people think I'm crazy?" Jared could sit
there forever, Jensen close to him and the smell of sun-warmed hair assaulting
his senses.
Jensen frowned slightly, leaning more sure back into Jared, just to get
comfortable and not at all to do with the barely there touch of fingers on his
skin. "I'm not sure if crazy is the right word. People, well, they're a little
scared of you. But then you did punch one of the biggest guy's on school so
it's bound to give you a reputation. They just don't know you. It's stupid
anyway right? I mean, high school will be over in less than eight months, and
you'll probably never see any of those people again." Jensen shrugged, turning
his head into Jared's neck. He inhaled the man's scent and smiled.
"Colin was a lot smaller than him." Jared said it like it was all the
explanation that was needed. And it really was. There were lots of things that
Jared could put up with, bullying wasn't one of them. As far as he was
concerned it was just about as shitty as things could get. "Do you think it was
wrong?"
"No. I think it was... kind of amazing. That you stood up for him. Seriously,
if more people knew why you did that, well, it would make some real impressions
on people." Jensen smiled and pressed his lips softly to Jared's neck. "I'm
glad I've gotten to know you. Seriously." Jensen laughed quietly and pulled
back enough to look up at Jared. "Am I weird?"
"Weird?" Jared frowned. Jensen was about the most normal person Jared could
imagine.
"Well, just, I hadn't really admitted to myself that I liked guys, despite all
the facts, for quite awhile. And then, well, you know here we are? And I don't
feel uncomfortable about sitting like this with you, even if someone saw us I
wouldn't freak out. Isn't that weird?" Jensen dropped back against Jared's
chest and sighed. "Maybe I just want to be weird because I've been normal my
whole life and it didn't get me far."
"Everyone is a little weird. I bet you haven't told me all your best secrets.
Like - do you dance around your room sometimes in your underwear? Fantasize
about those guys on that stupid vampire show? I hate that show." Jared closed
his eyes and turned his face up into the sun. "Sometime, I can't stop my
thoughts. Like - I'll get something in my head that I know is wrong or that I
shouldn’t think about doing and it's like I can't turn it off. It cycles around
and around. Scary."
"Like what kind of things?" Jensen laced his fingers over Jared's and squeezed
softly. "Wrong things like, illegal wrong or... like fantasizing to stupid
vampire's wrong. Also I've never seen the show and have no desire to."
"One time a long time ago. We had this cat and I really liked it; stupid thing
was kinda mean and had a bit of an attitude but it was cool. Then there was
this afternoon. I was home alone and I got this idea in my head about holding
the cat over the balcony. Not because I wanted to do it - 'cause I didn't but I
was terrified. It was like - I had to do it or something bad would happen to
me. God, I can't explain this kind of stuff well. I'm sorry." Jared shifted
back a little, hands pressed to Jensen's back so he didn't fall over. "I didn't
do it - to the cat I mean. Shit." His mother's words came back to him, we
thought Chad understood. "I think maybe that's why
Chad broke up with me," he blurted out.
This happened quite often, Jared detaching himself and Jensen being left
reeling from the sudden heat. He shifted around on the blanket and considered
Jared, head tilting to the side. "Because of the cat thing specifically? Or
because sometimes your thoughts are too much?" It wasn't like learning this
about Jared made him feel any different toward the boy, hell sometimes he had
the urge to call up his brother and scream at him for no real reason except his
brother was a douche more often than not. And sometimes he wanted to punch
Chris so hard it would break his nose, and the guy used to be his best friend.
Everyone had thoughts he supposed.
"Because it's hard for people. It was hard for him to understand me. I get
really screwed up sometimes, like stuck in my thoughts and it's hard to get
back out. I guess some people think - they should be able to fix that and they
can't. Too much, I guess. Will that happen to you? It's okay if it does. I
mean, it's not okay if you need a break from me - but you'll tell me? I'd
rather take a short break, like give you space than lose you.
"Jared," Jensen smiled softly and reached up to cup Jared's cheek. "I can't
promise this is going to be easy, by any means. I imagine we'll have some
really tough times but, I'm never going to freak out because you're being
yourself. Okay?" Jensen hadn't realized how Jared had just as many trust issues
as he had, but it kind of made sense that they would learn this together.
In answer, Jared simply leaned forward and caught Jensen's lips in a firm kiss.
It was a good start, it had to be a good thing that Jensen actually liked being
around him. It wasn't like Jared was pretending to be someone or something he
wasn't. His tongue slipped forward to run along Jensen's bottom lip. Soft and
full, it had quickly become one of Jared's favorite things about his friend.
Kissing Jensen was actually one of Jared's favorite things.
Withdrawing slightly Jared smiled. They were breathing each other's air and
Jared could swear that Jensen must be able to hear his heartbeat.
"I really like kissing you." Jensen murmured, probably unnecessary since he
said it nearly every time they kissed. Leaning forward he pressed his lips more
sure against Jared's and wrapped his arms around his body, pressing against him
to deepen the kiss. A moan fell between them and Jensen laughed into the kiss
when Jared fell back and he on top.
Jared laughed and cinched his arms tight around Jensen's waist. "I think we can
get arrested for this. Public place and all." He grinned, lips sliding past his
friend's once more.
"Mm, probably right." Jensen grinned as he pulled back, sitting on his heels
and curving his hands over Jared's knees. "You want to walk around the park a
bit more? Or, go um, wherever it is you like to go?" He shrugged and rubbed the
denim beneath his fingers softly.
"I don't really go anywhere 'cept with you." Jared smiled. "I spend lots of
time in my room."
"Well then." Jensen pushed up to his feet and took Jared's hands, pulling him
up as well. "Let's go listen to music in your room and make out." He laughed
and threaded his fingers through Jared's, scooping down to pick up the blanket
and drape it over his arm.
-=-=-=-
Jensen ran his palm down Jared's chest, shifting on the middle of the bed and
against his side. His lips were tingling pleasantly and his body was asking for
more but they hadn't reached the stage of pushing to the next limit. "So,
Halloween dance is next weekend," he said quietly, picking at the hem of
Jared's shirt. "Would you, the dance thing, it's probably not something you'd
be interested in huh?"
Sighing happily, Jared nuzzled against Jensen's neck. "Hmm? Like a school
dance?" Pulling back a bit - just enough to see Jensen's face, Jared watched
his friend for a few moments. "You like dances?" Jared had never been to a
school dance but he'd been outside one. The sound of the music wasn't too bad
but there were so many people. Nearly everyone at his last school had gone to
the dances and that was far too many people for Jared.
"Well, I like the Halloween school dance because everyone wears costumes and
it's Halloween you know? You can't be seventeen and still dress up in most
places, so it's a fun excuse." Jensen shrugged. He knew going to a dance
together would spark up all sorts of controversy, he'd overheard Danneel and
Sophia discussing costumes as they passed in the hallway, showing up with Jared
would definitely get them noticed. But it was accepted knowledge by now that he
and Jared spent time together, no reason they couldn't go as friends. "We
wouldn't have to dance or anything, just hang out, look at the costumes, or, we
don't have to go okay? If you don't want to."
"It's not a boyfriend thing then - it's like a friends thing?" Jared scratched
his forehead. The whole friends vs. dating thing still confused him a little.
He supposed that it didn't really matter whether there were there on a date or
not. "Would we dress up?"
Pushing up slightly, Jensen looked down at Jared smiling softly. "I would love
to take you as my boyfriend you know? But, the crap we'd get, the crap you'd
get. I don't want you to deal with that Jared. I can handle Chris and his shit
but you shouldn't have to put up with it." Jensen shrugged, hand flicking
through Jared's hair. "I thought we could dress up. We don't have to go
overboard, or match or anything. Do you want to dress up?"
Jared frowned. "I'm not scared of Chris." Lifting his fingers he traced the
slight upward curve of Jensen's smile. "Sure...if you want to go to the dance
we can go." As soon as the words left his mouth Jared felt the all-too familiar
prickle of anxiety. "Don't know much about costumes though."
"Well you don't have to wear anything." Jensen shrugged then looked up quickly.
"I mean, you have to wear something but you don't have to wear a costume. You
could dress nice and say you're like, a vampire or something. It would pass
now-a-days." He grinned and fell down on Jared's chest. "Thank you. I know it's
probably not the most ideal thing in the world, but I really appreciate it."
Jared pushed up onto his elbows. "What about you? What will you wear?" The
whole idea of costumes kind of creeped Jared out. People hiding their faces,
pretending to be someone they weren't - or worse - pretending to be someone
they actually wanted to be like a serial killer.
"Hmm. I hadn't decided. Maybe I'll wear a suit and sunglasses and be the Men in
Black or something ridiculously lame like that. Or I could go in just underwear
and a large white t-shirt, Risky Business something or other." Jensen wet his
lips and rubbed along the back of his neck. "Should I dress up as something?"
"I liked Men In Black." Jared smiled. He kind of liked the idea of seeing
Jensen in a suit. "Underwear at a school dance? Seems a bit ... uncomfortable
to me. So," his finger tugged on the collar of Jensen's t-shirt. "No holding
hands or kissing or stuff then, I guess. Right?"
Jensen watched Jared's down turned eyes for a long moment before sighing. "We
might just have to see what happens. I don't want to just, say no to anything
at all you know? Because I want to hold your hand, and kiss you and stuff.
You're my boyfriend and it sucks if I can't do that. But, I guess, I feel like
I have to be fair to everyone and I don't want to start drama. Does that make
sense?"
"Not really. Why can't we just be who we are? Why should that make drama?"
Jared pressed his lips into a thin line and looked into Jensen's eyes. "It's
not a big deal - I'm just saying that it shouldn't. Matter." Sighing he rubbed
his face vigorously and leaned over to look at the clock.
"Jared," Jensen hunched forward slightly, laying his hands open between his
legs and staring down at them. "It's taken me so long to get over what I lost,
my entire life has changed. And, it's good now, mostly always, and I have you
and I wouldn't trade that for the world but... I'm just not sure if I can come
out right now to the entire school. They already think I cheated on Danneel
with a guy, they don't know the real story, this is going to be like opening up
the wound all over again." He sighed softly and looked back at Jared. "Don't
hate me? Please? I'm really trying."
"I don't hate you. Hating people is a waste of energy. And I don't." This was
one of those times that Jared felt like he was probably going to say all the
wrong things. "I'll go with you. You can pick out a costume for me and I'll
wear it. If you don't mind, I mean." Blinking a few times, Jared picked up the
remote for his stereo and flipped through a few songs.
Shifting to the edge of the bed, Jensen dropped his feet down onto the floor
and nodded slowly. "Okay. You don't have to. So if you change your mind, you
can let me know. I'll think about a good costume, something that won't stand
out or anything." Part of him wasn't so sure anymore if he wanted to go but he
thought it might be a good first step in people seeing them together outside
class and lunch so that was something.
"I guess it will be fun." Jared smiled and tossed the remote on the bed. Jensen
felt like he was a million miles away. "Are you upset with me?" Sometimes,
Jared couldn't tell. The way he was - the way his mind worked, he knew that
sometimes he said things that other people wouldn't say.
"Not at all." Jensen looked back over at him, watching the expressions filter
across his face as he obviously tried to decipher what was happening in
Jensen's mind. "Sometimes I worry that I'll freak you out or something. That
I'll do something that will be too much for you and then I'll lose you." Jensen
shrugged and looked away, down at his feet.
"It just feels a little -" for once Jared managed to stop himself before the
thought got all the way out. "I'm hungry. Do you want a cookie or something? My
mom made some." It wasn't really a diversion. He was hungry and there were
cookies.
"Feels a little?" Jensen frowned and shook his head. "What were you going to
say? Then we can go get a cookie."
Jared ran both his hands through his hair and looked over at his stereo. "Like
you're ashamed of us. And I know that's not what it is - but I still. It's
where my mind goes I guess. I just- well, you asked anyway. That's what I was
thinking. Cookie?" Jared stuffed his hands in his pockets.
Pushing up to his feet, Jensen sighed and tucked his hands into his pockets.
"I'm not ashamed of us. I wouldn't have tried to tell my mom about you if I
was." Jensen's heart felt oddly heavy in his chest and he frowned down at the
ground before shrugging. "Cookie." His elbow tilted toward the door, allowing
Jared to lead the way.
"I said I knew that wasn't what it was," Jared murmured quietly. Heading up the
stairs he listened for Jensen's footsteps behind him and smiled when he heard
him. "They're my favorite, chocolate chip oatmeal. Do you have a favorite kind
of cookie?" He wanted to put the smile back on Jensen's face; at the top of the
stairs he stopped and turned to reach out for his boyfriend's hand.
Taking Jared's hand, Jensen smiled softly and squeezed. "I generally like all
cookies. Unless they have fruit in them. Cookies should not contain fruit.
Chocolate is good." He smiled a little brighter up at Jared and laughed
quietly. "Do you want to be a pirate for Halloween? We could get you baggy
pants and a cool shirt. And... a hat?"
"Could I have my headphones on under the hat?" Jared smiled and lifted his hand
to Jensen's cheek. "Can I ask you something?" His thumb moved slowly over his
boyfriend's cheek.
"Yes and yes." Jensen nodded, leaning into the touch and allowing it to soothe
and comfort him as it had from the moment he'd met Jared, or the first moment
they'd touched.
"Can you promise me that you'll always tell me the truth? That's all I want.
Jared slid his hand further back, through Jensen's soft hair. It really was all
he wanted. Most things he could deal with if he knew the truth. The truth might
be harsh sometimes but it was better than not knowing. One of the things that
most frightened Jared was not knowing what was going on around him.
"Of course. I'll always tell you the truth. I always do." Jensen nodded and
stepped forward, pressing against Jared's body. "And you, you should never be
afraid to tell me what you're thinking. I can handle it, trust me on that okay?
I'm not going to be like Chad, I know who you are and what you have to deal
with. I like you just as you are." Jensen smiled warmly up at Jared, hand
settling on the faint beat of his boyfriend's heart.
"Okay." Jared nodded. "Okay, good." Gripping Jensen by his shoulders he pulled
his boyfriend closer then leaned down to kiss him softly. "Okay."
"I recall something about cookies?" Jensen murmured against Jared's lips,
grinning into the kiss before tugging his boyfriend toward the kitchen.
-=-=-=-
"I'll probably be back late," Jensen said as he made his way through the
kitchen to the garage door. "So don't wait up or anything."
"You like nice." Donna commented, glancing up from the stack of papers in front
of her. "Are you taking Jared with you to the dance?"
Jensen's steps faltered and he looked toward her, fiddling with the keys in his
hands. "Um. Yeah. I didn't think you heard me about Jared. When I mentioned him
I mean."
"I heard you." Donna nodded and looked back down, tucking hair behind her ear.
"You talk about him quite a lot."
"Well, yeah. I mean, he's really an important part of my life so, yeah." Jensen
shrugged, still adjusting to the suit he hadn't worn since his cousin got
married last spring. Thankfully it still fit and he thought he looked pretty
nice but wasn't completely sold. "So, do you just, not care that I'm dating a
guy? Or, is it something we're just not talking about?"
"I imagine we'll talk about it. It's just a phase anyway right? It will pass."
Donna shrugged and sipped from her coffee, still looking down.
Irritation sparked in Jensen's chest and he sighed, resisting the urge to run a
hand through his hair. He didn't want to mess it up after spending far too long
trying to get it to look right. "No mom. It's not a phase. And it won't pass.
You know, I'll answer any questions, or talk to you about it, I don't mind. If
you'd just ask."
"I've got a lot of work to catch up on. Have a good time. Try not to cause any
problems okay?" Donna answered dismissively enough and Jensen frowned. He
didn't really have the time for this conversation now anyway but it would have
at least been nice if his mom had showed some interest. He rarely saw his dad
so that didn't seem to matter much, but Jensen assumed if the man knew what was
happening he was probably writing it off to a passing phase as well.
"Right. See you tomorrow."
It wasn't the note Jensen wanted to start the evening off on and he shrugged
off the disappointment as he headed out to his car. He turned the volume on his
stereo up loud, taking a leaf from Jared's book in allowing the music to soothe
him. Mostly because it was a mix Jared had made for him so thinking about his
boyfriend did the trick.
Jensen may have been driving too quickly, since he arrived at Jared's house
within minutes and he took a moment to compose himself before sliding out of
the car and heading for the front door. There were still little kids out trick
'r treating with their parents and Jensen smiled at a group of little girls in
various pink and purples before ringing the front bell and stepping slightly
back to wait.
Jared had been waiting for Jensen to arrive. Being dressed as a Pirate was a
bit odd and he found out the hard way that his sword was constantly in the way.
Since he got dressed he'd knocked over some CD's, his homework and a stack of
his mom's magazines. Part of his goal for the evening was to survive the dance
without skewering anyone.
Pulling the door open Jared peered around it with the eye that wasn't covered
with an eyepatch. He was quite relieved to see Jensen. After all, being a
pirate would be difficult to explain to anyone else.
"You look great." Jensen grinned up at him, reaching out by habit to take his
hand. "All ready to go?" Which was also his way of saying are you sure you
still want to do this? He knew Jared had been mildly freaking out about the
whole thing, maybe more than he let on.
"Well, if we don't go out I'm going to feel really odd all night dressed up as
a pirate." Jared frowned and pushed his eye patch up onto his forehead. "I keep
bumping into things 'cause I have no depth perception and my sword is
dangerous." Jared's eyes widened and he stepped outside, pulling the door
closed behind him. "I'm not wearing the hat - it's obnoxious and hot."
"You don't have to wear the eye patch if you don't want to." Jensen pointed
out, grinning up at him. "Either way you're the hottest pirate I've ever seen.
Better than Johnny Depp even. So, that's something." Sometimes Jensen could
only describe Jared as adorable but he didn't say it out loud, in case if would
make Jared feel weird.
"I like you in a suit." Jared stepped too close to Jensen, hands sliding
quickly under the suit jacket. "You sure you want to go to the dance? We could
just stay here and make out." Jared knew that it was entirely too hopeful to
think that they could just stay at his place. Jensen looked like he was very
ready to go to the dance. He'd said before that he used to be very social and
Jared figured that he missed it.
"I promise we can leave when we get there and it turns out to be totally lame
okay?" Jensen smiled and shook his head, leaning into Jared and bringing their
lips together in a soft kiss. "Then we'll come back here and make out and,
yeah." He nodded and pulled back, taking Jared's hand and leading him down the
walk to his car. "Is your mom at work tonight?"
"Yeah. She thinks I'm nuts by the way. She's never seen me in a costume before.
Even took a photo." Jared smiled and squeezed Jensen's hand. His nerves were
already on edge, he was just hoping that things would be better than he
thought. Maybe it would be the least well-attended dance in school history. Or
something.
"I'm going to want a copy of that photo." Jensen grinned, leading Jared to the
passenger door and making a grand gesture of tugging it open for Jared. He was
still laughing softly when he rounded the car and slid in the front seat,
starting up the engine. "Oh, by the way, my mom has acknowledged your existence
in my life. She um, doesn't seem to care." Jensen shrugged, taking Jared's hand
as they headed off down the street.
"Really? I guess not caring is better than - freaking out and sending you to a
military school or something like that." Jared smiled weakly.
"That's true. I'd fail at military school. I'd get beat up all the time or
something." Jensen returned the barely there smile and shrugged. It was still
lingering in his mind, the way his mom had so easily shrugged it off and Jensen
had to work hard at not letting it bother him. "She thinks it's a phase."
"A phase," Jared repeated. "I don't really think it's a phase. Do you think
it's a phase? Can it be a phase?" Jared moved the eye patch again, it was
making his forehead itchy.
"Considering the way you make me feel? No. It's not a phase. And I'm pretty
sure there's no way it could be." Jensen squeezed Jared's hand, thumb sliding
over the top of Jared's. "I told her it wasn't a phase."
"She's just scared. That things won't work out for you or that she won't
understand it. From what you've told me your mom seems like the kind of person
who likes to be in control of things. I mean, I like that too but not to the
same extent. Can't really control people." Jared smiled, staring at their hands
together and felt the dread coming back. There'd be no holding hands at the
dance.
"You're right. She does like to be in control. She's been trying to control me,
my dad and my siblings our whole lives so, well." Jensen shrugged and laughed
softly. "She could have kicked me out, she could have totally freaked. So,
that's something, however I would like to talk to her about it. Maybe one day.
I told her she could. So maybe someday."
Jensen trailed off as they pulled into the school parking lot. There were a lot
of people already piling into the gym, the dance had already started and Jensen
could almost feel the tension in Jared's body. His eyes shifted to him as they
turned the car off. "Are you really okay with this? Because I won't hold
anything against you if you'd rather not go in."
"You wanna go right?" Jared smiled and chewed on his bottom lip. The engine was
ticking as it cooled off and Jared's eyes moved to the people wandering into
the gym. "Let's go?" He yanked his door open before he changed his mind and
stepped out into the cool evening air. People were laughing, yelling, running
past in capes and generally looking like they were having fun. It all seemed
like a bit of a nightmare to Jared.
Jensen climbed out of the car, shutting the door and locking the car behind
him. He tucked his keys into his pockets and walked around the car, lifting his
eyes to Jared. "Ready?" He asked once more, probably a little annoyingly.
Jensen held out his hand, smiling softly at Jared.
"Rule number one," Jared said, "no holding hands." Smiling, Jared stared
longingly at Jensen's hand.
"I never said it was a rule." Jensen said quietly and snagged Jared's hand,
threading their fingers together. "Listen, if it becomes too much, you just
pull me out of there okay? Because no amount of me wanting to be here outweighs
me caring for you okay?" Jensen bumped their shoulder together, fingers
squeezing along Jared's.
Nodding, Jared leaned against his boyfriend for a few moments. "Okay. Ready."
He wasn't ready at all and it took every bit of stubborn nature he had not to
tell Jensen right then that they should just get back in the car and go home.
Part of him just really wanted to believe that something as simple as a school
dance wouldn't get the better of him.
"Okay." Jensen nodded and gently pulled Jared to the school gym. As they moved,
he could feel eyes turning to them. No one would say anything, he knew because
the hierarchy didn't work that way. If they ran into any problems it would be
with Chris or someone of his entourage. Jensen hoped that just this once they
wouldn't have come to the dance but it wasn't likely.
The more Jared told himself to relax, the tighter he clutched Jensen's hand. It
was only the way they were jostled by the crowd that made Jared loosed his grip
slightly.
As soon as the gym doors had opened in front of them Jared had felt the slam of
heat. Jensen had tugged him forward and they'd stepped inside the dark gym.
Even though his eyes felt as wide as saucers it took Jared sometime to adjust
to the dark. There was a huge video screen up on the stage, lights and
streamers hanging from nearly every surface and people everywhere.
Jared licked his lips nervously and stepped closer to Jensen. The air was thick
with the scent of perfumes, musty costumes and something sweet with an
underlying metallic taste - like a carnival.
And that was just the beginning.
It was difficult for them to say very much at first. The music overpowered
their voices so Jensen guided Jared to the far end of the gym where they found
a bench and sat down.
Jared tried to focus on Jensen. His boyfriend spoke to him, lips right against
his ear and even though Jared knew it was all small talk he thought it should
take the edge off his anxiety. The problem was that it didn't. Jared could feel
himself tensing, shifting restlessly on the bench as he tried to smile at
Jensen when he managed to register what his boyfriend was saying.
As the music changed, the lights dimmed a little and Jared shifted closer to
Jensen. Jensen's fingers were still threaded through his. He glanced at the
faces that moved past them, wondering if Chris and Danneel were at the dance -
or any of the other people that Jensen used to be friends with.
It was a little more difficult for Jensen to enjoy himself knowing how tense
Jared was about being there and the more time that passed, the more he
questioned why he'd even wanted to be here in the first place. All it was doing
was affecting Jared in a negative way and Jensen could kick himself for that.
As Jensen leaned into Jared, murmuring into his ear, his gaze was caught by the
breaking of the crowd.
Chris and Danneel were standing amidst their group of friends, all decked out
in carefully planned and plotted costumes. If Jensen had wondered about Danneel
and Chris's relationship status before, the question was gone now. She had
clearly planned Chris's outfit to go along with hers, the overly fancy Prince
and Princess. Jensen couldn't really imagine them as a couple but there hadn't
really ever been a reason to before.
Jensen waited, breath slightly caught in his chest as Chris turned, eyes
sliding across the crowd. His hand tightened on Jared's when the boy's gaze
landed them, eyes narrowing, shoulders tensing. "Jared," he murmured, closing
his eyes as he pressed his lips to his boyfriend's ear.
Jared knew his boyfriend well enough to notice when something worried him. He
turned, following Jensen's gaze through the crowd and saw Chris and Danneel.
Turning back to Jensen quickly he smiled slightly, lips against Jensen's ear.
"You don't have to hold my hand." It was really all he had to offer; give
Jensen a bit more time to figure out how to deal with possibly being seen by
his friends. His mouth suddenly felt dry and he squeezed Jensen's fingers once
before loosening his hold on the boy's hand.
"Hey." Jensen frowned, turning to look at Jared and shaking his head. He held
tighter to Jared's hand, pursing his lips. "I'm not ashamed of you. Or of us,
okay?" Jensen bumped their foreheads together. He might have kissed him but
that was likely too much. "I want to show you that." He spoke the words softer
as the song ended and prepared the next. Out of the corner of his eye he could
see movement and knew it was just a matter of time until Chris came over.
Jared nodded almost imperceptibly but his fingers threaded back through
Jensen's. His heart slowed a little, Jensen always made him feel a little
better, calmer. The music was so loud though, the lights still flashing and he
just wanted to be alone with his boyfriend.
"God you have some real fucking nerve Ackles." Chris's call was loud enough to
clearly hear over the music, arms sliding over his chest. Steve and Jason were
behind him but Jensen didn't look toward either. "You two are disgusting you
know that?"
Jensen pushed up to his feet, stepping protectively in front of Jared's still
sitting form. "Why can't you just leave me alone Chris? We're not doing
anything to you, you've got the girl, the friends, everything you could want so
just leave me alone."
"How could you just come here with him? How do you think Danneel feels seeing
you here with a guy after what you did?" Chris scowled, head tilting up
defiantly.
"I didn't do anything!" Jensen snapped, hands dropping heavily to his side. "If
you'd just fucking listen to me for a second you'd know I didn't and would
never cheat one someone." Jensen had likely been spending too much time with
Jared or something because instinct had him reaching out for Chris's arm,
trying to ground him to the idea and the logic behind his words.
It had the opposite affect. Chris' hands flailed out, sending Jensen's
stumbling back in surprise.
Jared stood quickly, a hand at the small of Jensen's back steadying him as he
fell backwards. As soon as Jensen righted himself Jared stepped up to his side,
hand still on Jensen's back, heart pounding in his ears. "Jensen..."
"It's okay." Jensen urged, not wanting Jared to punch Chris - mostly not
wanting anyway - and getting in trouble. He leaned slightly into Jared for some
reassurance before fixing his eyes on Chris. "Don't touch me. You want to be an
irrational asshole fine, I don't care. But if you push it Chris I swear to
fucking god I will kick your ass."
"Like you could." Chris scowled.
"God you children." Danneel stepped into the conversation, pushing at Chris
slightly. "Chris, go get me some punch."
"Dani-"
"Go." Danneel turned to him, watching until Chris exhaled slowly and turned to
stalk off.
When she turned back to look at them, Jensen sighed. "Danneel, I'm so-"
"Save it. Really. I'd rather not have any contact with you." Danneel slid her
gaze to Jared and scoffed. "Good luck."
She was gone in a wave of perfume and lingering sigh. Jensen blinked in
surprise, heart feeling heavy in his chest.
Jared blinked a few times, the lights still flashing around them. He hated them
for treating Jensen the way they did, for not even knowing him. The beat of his
heart felt too strong in his chest, too fast and Jared could feel himself
starting to breathe too fast. Tugging too lightly on Jensen's jacket he
stumbled back a few steps. He thought he said out loud "I want to go," but
there was no response from Jensen and that didn't seem right.
Grabbing Jensen's arm, fingers curling too hard into his boyfriend's muscle
Jared almost yelled "I need to go." Pulling at Jensen's arm he was completely
unprepared to let go of his boyfriend and needing to get out of there so badly.
Creeping tendrils of panic were teasing their way up Jared's spine and he
glanced around them at all the faces, tried to block out the voices and the
music.
Whatever shock had been lingering in Jensen was gone when Jared's words hit
him. He turned swiftly, looping his arm around Jared's middle and guiding him
swiftly through the crowd of people. Jensen could feel his boyfriend shaking,
the quickness of his breath and his heart twisted in concern. "Jared, it's
okay, come on." He guided them out the large set of doors, ignoring everyone
they passed as they headed to his car.
He stopped at the passenger door, reaching up to tentatively touch Jared's
cheek. "Jared? Still with me?"
Flinching slightly, Jared's lashes fluttered rapidly and he stepped back from
Jensen's touch. "I-" He let out a long shuddering sigh and felt tears welling
in his eyes. "Can I? Can I go home now?" His voice was breathy, hands shaking
so badly he could barely grasp the eyepatch before pulling it off his head and
dropping it on the ground. There was a reason he stayed away from things like
that - it was too much, too many things, too many people - and Chris ... the
way Danneel had looked at Jensen. They had no right and Jared hadn't said
anything. Pressing the heel of his palm to his forehead he tried to slow his
breathing - focusing on the in and out.
"Okay." Jensen nodded and stepped back, already heading for the driver's side.
"Okay, let's go." He unlocked the doors and slid in, looking toward Jared as he
climbed in beside him. "I'm sorry." He whispered, reaching out for Jared then
pulling back, starting the car up. Jensen wasn't sure which thing had
overloaded Jared the most, the encounter with Chris and Danneel, the noise and
people, whatever it was he just hoped there was still something salvageable and
he hadn't just screwed everything up.
"S'not your fault," Jared muttered. His hands were twisting the tassel on his
belt. "I just -" Biting off his words Jared turned to look out the window at
the lights and traffic passing them by. The car was so much quieter and Jared
could feel things settling within him and he rubbed at his eyes. "I should be
saying sorry."
"Why? Your old friends didn't come up and bash you. I dragged you there knowing
already how much you hated those kinds of situations. I'm a horrible
boyfriend." Jensen sighed and shook his head, rubbing along his arm and
frowning. "Is there something I can do? To help?"
"You're not a ... Jensen. Pull over." Jared's voice was soft, his hands finally
stilling on his lap.
Sighing softly, Jensen turned the car to the side of the road, shifting it into
park before turning slightly to look at Jared. "I really am sorry. I shouldn't
have forced you to go. We should have just stayed home and -"
"Jensen. I care about you so much but sometimes you can be a bit clueless.
You're an amazing boyfriend, and a perfect friend and...I - Listen. This is all
about me. It happens and Chris, I mean I wasn't quite ready for that." Jared
looked down at his hands and then reached out, holding his hand palm up for
Jensen's and waiting until he felt his boyfriend's fingers slid past his. "I
went because I wanted to do something for you, be better for you. I don't want
you to -" Jared lifted a trembling hand to his forehead, blocking Jensen's view
of his eyes.
"Don't want me to what? Jared?" Jensen reached out gently caress Jared's hair.
"You don't have to be better for me. I've always known who you are, you've
never tried to fool me or anything. I can handle who you are." Jensen
tentatively stroked the inside of Jared's wrist, leaning toward him across the
seat.
"I don't want you to leave me." Jared turned quickly toward Jensen, arms
sliding round his boyfriend's neck. "You did so many things before - and ...
you probably miss people, doing stuff." Jared's voice wavered and he breathed
in the scent of his boyfriend, lips pressing again and again to Jensen's neck.
"Jared," Jensen whispered and tightened his arms around his boyfriend, holding
him close. "I used to do a lot of things, with a lot of people. But, I mean it
when I say I have more fun with just you, hanging out in your room and
listening to music then I did going with a whole group of people all the time."
Jensen pulled back slightly, pressing his lips to Jared's. "I don't need you to
force yourself to being anything different for me okay?"
"I know," Jared whispered, "I know." And he did know it - somehow inside, he
just wanted to go out and do things with Jensen that were normal; things that
other people might do. Pressing forward across the console Jared slid his hand
over Jensen's shirt and around his waist, lips catching Jensen's again. He
could kiss Jensen forever and never get tired of it.
Moaning softly, Jensen pressed into the kiss, sliding his tongue out to meet
Jared's. A moment later he pulled back, panting softly and laughing. "We need
to go back to your place before we get in trouble for making out in the car."
He grinned at Jared, still watching his gaze to ensure he was okay.
"Yeah, probably," Jared managed a small laugh and sank back down in his seat. A
few deep breaths and he looked back out the window, fingers still clutching
Jensen's. Trust - that was really what it was all about.
"Wanna know the good news?" Jensen asked softly as he slid the car into drive
once more, leading them down the street to Jared's house. He glanced at Jared,
small smile on his face. "I don't have to be home until one so, lots of time to
make out?" Jensen nudged Jared gently with his fist, wide grin on his lips.
Jared smiled.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Things went quickly the week after Halloween. Jared was glad that the dance was
over with, another hurdle behind them. School seemed a little quieter, more
subdued and Jared was actually quite relieved by that. With his headphones and
scarf, warm hat pulled down over his ears - he felt like he was able to just
disappear back into his quiet world. It was nice. Of course, there was still
Jensen. Jensen was about the best boyfriend that Jared could imagine finding in
the entire world. Sometimes he got caught up thinking about that. In the entire
population of High School kids - he'd moved to the one school where Jensen was
at the exact same time that things had changed in Jensen's life. It was more
luck than Jared thought he was entitled to.
Classes went by smoothly, in between finding time to sit with Jensen at lunch
and on their breaks, Jared was studying hard - looking forward to the school
year being over. Senior year was never something that Jared thought he might
actually enjoy.
Just like most other days Friday was going well. Jared was waiting outside for
Jensen after school. He was listening to his Jensen mix on his iPod. It was a
weird mixture of songs that reminded him of his boyfriend and it never ceased
to make him smile. He tilted his head up toward the early winter sun and was
enjoying the warmth when a shadow passed over him. Blinking his eyes open,
expecting to see Jensen - his smile faded when he looked up at Danneel's face.
Fumbling with his head phones he pulled them off.
"So. You and I need to talk." Danneel slid her arms across her chest, tapping
her foot along the sidewalk. "Without Jensen."
Jared almost dropped his headphones then jammed them into his backpack and
stood up. It was uncomfortable, he was so much taller than Danneel so he sat
back down on the railing and looked at her a little wide-eyed. "Okay." He
wasn't entirely sure what they were supposed to be talking about but he was
willing to give her a chance.
Danneel's eyes slid over the two girl's waiting a few paces away before turning
back to Jared, lips pursing for a moment as she sighed. "I know he's got you
fooled or whatever, that he's some really nice guy and he's going to be the
best boyfriend. You're an idiot if you fall for it. He'll play all these little
games and get you to fall for him then he'd just going to break your heart, you
probably even more so. Seriously, he'd probably take me over you in a heartbeat
if I were stupid enough to go back with him. So you might as well give up now
and not bother with him."
Jared stared at her for a few moments, brow furrowed. "Danneel, I'm very sorry
that things turned out for you the way they did. But you're wrong about Jensen.
It's not my place to speak for him, but you didn't listen to him. He's tried to
tell you what happened that night and I wish - well, I wish that you could look
passed what you think you saw and really understand him." He hiked his backpack
up further onto his shoulder.
"I'm trying to give you fair warning Jared. Even if he doesn't cheat on you one
day, don't think for even a minute he'd stay with you if he was given the
chance to get his friends and reputation back." Danneel rolled her eyes,
looking away from Jared and laughing humorlessly. "Can't you see how it's
killing him? Being the social reject? Being forced to spend all his time
hanging out with you." Danneel met his gaze once more, eyebrow lifting.
"There's no way you could possibly make up for what he lost. Not even close."
"Danneel." Jensen hadn't heard all the conversation but he'd caught enough at
the end to put it together pretty quickly. He stepped up to Jared's side,
curling his fingers over his arm and scowling. "Leave my boyfriend alone. If
you have an issue you can talk to me about it but you don't get to fill his
mind with this shit."
"Just giving him the facts Jensen." Danneel's gaze was cold, meeting his for a
long moment before she turned and walked quickly away, rejoining her friends.
Jensen closed his eyes for a moment, sighing softly as he turned to Jared.
"Whatever she said? It's bullshit okay? It's not true."
Turning toward his boyfriend Jared smiled warmly. "I know." Without even
glancing around, Jared ducked his head down and kissed Jensen on the cheek.
Feeling the heat of a flush on his cheeks he grinned and stepped back. "It
doesn't matter what she says to me."
"Yeah?" Jensen smiled softly and laced his fingers through Jared's, pulling him
toward his car. "You're kind of amazing for that. Most people would totally
freak out. I hope one day I can explain things to her, I feel like I'm going to
have to now, because I'm sick of them trying to destroy things between us."
Jensen bumped his shoulder against Jared's, stopping as they got to his car.
"So why are you so amazing?"
Wrinkling his nose Jared shrugged. "I dunno. 'Cause I -" Sighing, Jared leaned
against the car. "'Cause I have a thing for you - makes me amazing." He dropped
his eyes to Jensen's shirt and reached out to press his hand over his
boyfriend's heart. "I'm -" he patted Jensen's chest once, "I kind of fell for
you in case you hadn't noticed." Heart thumping loudly Jared squeezed his eyes
closed.
"Oh?" Jensen laughed softly and leaned into Jared, glancing just once around
the emptying parking lot before staring up into Jared's eyes. "I've kind of
fallen for you too. Hardcore." His smile softened as his fingers traced along
Jared's collarbone. "You want to go get some ice cream before going to your
place?" Jared's words were humming happily in his chest and Jensen knew he
couldn't get that silly, slightly ridiculous grin off his face.
Jared's voice dropped lower as he leaned forward. "I just want you." That
tingle of pleasure was already skittering up Jared's spine and he just wanted
to touch his boyfriend.
Pleasure grew in the pit of Jensen's stomach and he rolled his lip beneath his
teeth, heat growing along his cheeks. "Okay. Yeah, let's go to your place
then."
-=-=-=-
The smell of cinnamon rolls penetrated Jensen's senses moments before he woke
and a smile pulled his lips up, eyes still closed. It was the Thanksgiving
morning he'd had a dozen times before, for as long as he could remember. His
mom always made cinnamon rolls, they'd share them around the kitchen counter,
slowly helping with the peeling the potatoes and whatever various tasks Donna
came up with. It was one of the few days of the year that Jensen could count on
his whole family being together.
Everything had been going so well with Jared, Jensen couldn't help letting that
boost his spirits as he dressed quickly and bounded down the stairs, catching
his sister around the middle and spinning her around. "Morning family! I love
the smell of cinnamon rolls on Thanksgiving day."
"Get off Jensen," Mackenzie protested, pushing at her brother and laughing.
"Did you get laid last night or something?"
"Mackenzie!" Donna huffed loudly, shaking her head. "Don't talk like that,
where did you even learn such a thing?"
Jensen couldn't help snorting a laugh as he leaned against the counter,
grabbing a cinnamon roll from the plate. "Mack's so cultured mom. That's what
you get when you have two older brothers."
"Josh used to say it all the time." Mackenzie shrugged it off, grabbing her own
cinnamon roll. "So, you did though huh? With your boyfriend."
A flush colored Jensen's cheeks and he swiped his fingers through the icing,
sucking it off slowly. "I did not get laid even if it was any of your business,
which it's not. Jared and I aren't at that stage in our relationship yet."
"I wish that you would just not, use those words." Donna murmured, voice tense
and quiet. "Boyfriend, relationship, it's ridiculous."
Jensen's gut churned unpleasantly, the cinnamon roll suddenly tasting foul on
his tongue. "He is my boyfriend." Jensen insisted quietly, looking up at his
mom. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Mackenzie's body tense and he
quickly shrugged and stepped away from the counter. "Do you need help peeling
the potatoes?"
"That would be wonderful, thank you Jensen." Donna seemed content to simply let
the conversation go and part of Jensen was relieved by it. He wanted to talk to
his mom about this, to both his father and his mother, but Thanksgiving and
with Mack around, it just didn't seem fair.
So he went about peeling potatoes and listening to the babble of his mom and
sister discussing some big art show at Mackenzie's school. He had to laugh at
the excited buzz of his sister's voice, the way she didn't seem to be bothered
about anything. Jensen envied the innocence and youth, though really he
couldn't remember when he had lived that sort of life. Chris had been getting
them in trouble for as long as he could remember. Jensen spent half the summer
after his first grade year confined in his bedroom because Chris had talked him
into filling their teachers desk with sand and rocks on the last day of school.
"Is Josh coming today?" Jensen asked, mainly to interrupt his train of thought.
More often than not he didn't think about Chris anymore, or Danneel for that
matter but sometimes it still hit him hard. "Dad said he was supposed to come
for the weekend."
"He can't make it, what with the baby and all." Donna sighed and shook her
head. "I've heard Hilary wanted to come but-"
"Hilary hates us." Alan interrupted his wife as he entered the room. The
conversation halted painfully at that, clearly obvious truths laid out in the
open in such a way that Jensen knew his mom had to be internally seething. She
was never a fan of the cold hard truth. "We all know it's true. Why do you
think we don't see them? Why have we only seen the baby once since she was
born?"
"Alan please, it's Thanksgiving." Donna admonished and shook her head. "And
that is our son's wife, we shouldn't talk ill about her."
"Mmhmm." Alan grumbled, snagging his own cinnamon roll. "Mack, you should peel
the potatoes. Jensen and I should be watching the game."
"I don't mind helping." Jensen insisted because, no matter how much his mom was
avoiding the subject, it was ten times better then male bounding with his dad
over a football game he had no interest in. Sure, football was okay but Jensen
found it boring most often.
"Go with your father Jensen." Donna nudged him away from the sink.
Like it always was, Jensen obeyed his mom, following his dad into the living
room. This was how the other Thanksgiving's went, mostly, though Jensen had
never minded because he felt the kinship hanging out with his dad and usually
his brother. Until his brother had gone and gotten some other girl pregnant,
until he'd broken his girlfriend's heart and dashed his mother's dreams.
Everything had really changed then. Donna had shifted her focus to Jensen,
nudging and pushing him into the life she thought he was destined to have, and
Jensen's once strong bond with his brother was severed. They stopped talking,
hanging out, Jensen stopped looking up to him and this Thanksgiving was unlike
any other.
There was a certain quietness to the house, like they would fill the void of
their missing family member. Jensen had always thought things like cinnamon
rolls for breakfast and warmth and love could outweigh the negative but it
didn't appear to be the case.
Alan carved the turkey like he did every year, Jensen smiled, trying to keep
the mood light and easy going, Mackenzie smiled as well but Jensen knew the
look on his mother's face came plastered on with usual business meetings. He
hadn't considered how hard it hit her not to have her eldest son around, he
felt guilty for not spending more time trying to make her feel better.
"So, Jensen, your mom tells me you're seeing someone new." Alan hadn't touched
the subject before - Jensen had started to believe Donna had kept it secret -
but he smiled at Jensen almost reassuringly.
Jensen wasn't sure what to make of it, his eyes traveled between his mom and
dad before he nodded and swallowed a large bite of turkey. "Yeah. Um. Jared.
He's, he's really great. He's really into music dad, I think you two would have
a lot in common."
"Music huh? Some of the oldies but goodies I love?" Alan asked and the smile
remained on his face, like he was genuinely interested in Jared and his musical
tastes.
Something warm bloomed in Jensen and he shifted in his seat, nodding slightly.
Because of his father's job in advertising, the man worked insane hours and the
few times Jensen actually saw him during the week, it was usually on his way to
or from something. This was the first time in months they'd actually had a
conversation and Jensen was relieved to see how it was going so far. "Some of
those. But a lot of really random, miscellaneous stuff. He's made me some
mixes, I could let you burrow them."
"Sure, that would be good. You know, when I was your age I wanted to be in a
band, even played the guitar. Then I met your mother here and things changed."
Alan's smile faded jut slightly, Jensen might not have noticed if he wasn't
watching the man so intently. "For the good of course."
"I can't believe we're discussing this as if it's normal." Donna looked up at
them with slightly wide eyes, face growing red with agitation. "Jensen, you are
not a, a homosexual."
Mackenzie snorted at the word and Jensen had to bite his lip to keep from
laughing. Now was definitely not the appropriate time for that. "You're right
mom, I'm not. I like girls too. So technically I'm bisexual. Of course right
now I'm mostly Jared sexual."
This time Alan let out of a small laugh before covering his mouth. Donna shot
him a withering look and he sighed, shaking his head. "Donna, come on, look at
it this way, at least he didn't get some girl pregnant. Jensen gets points for
being unique."
There was really nothing funny about this situation but Jensen laughed, shaking
his head. "Jared's about a million times better than Hilary too."
"That doesn't sound too hard," Mackenzie muttered, pulling a surprised laugh
from both Jensen and Alan, the three of them all sharing in the amusement.
Until Donna's hand slammed hard down on the dinning room table, rattling the
plates and silverware with its force. The noise cut off sharply, laughter dying
in everyone's throats as they looked at the family matriarch. "This is no
laughing matter. No son of mine is going to end up with a man. Jensen, I have
tolerated this ridiculous notion for several weeks now but I think it's time it
stops. You will break up with this boy, and you get back together with Danneel
and get back on the basketball team."
Jensen blinked in surprise, slowly setting his fork down. He'd been taking
orders from his mother all his life, the usual things, clean your room or do
the dishes. This was not an order Jensen was prepared to hear. "No."
If it were possible, the table would have gotten more quiet. People didn't say
no to his mom very often, and as the seventeen year old he shouldn't be, but
shock had his shoulders tensing and he wasn't going to give in now. "Excuse
me?" Donna whispered, words clipped and lips pressed together in a thin line.
"I'm not going to break up with Jared. I'm not getting back together with
Danneel. And I'm not getting back on the basketball team. So, no." Jensen
curled his fingers over the table edge, keeping his eyes on his mom. "Mom, I'm
okay if you don't want to talk about the Jared thing, I won't force it on you,
but I care for him. Hell, I love him and you don't get to tell me that he's not
going to be a part of my life."
"I won't allow this." Donna hissed, eyes narrowing, face growing even more red.
"I will not have a gay son. I will not accept you being with a man Jensen. It
is filthy, dirty. It is a sin Jensen and you will go to Hell if you continue
this lifestyle."
Jensen pushed up to his feet, chair knocking back behind him. "What the fuck
are you talking about mom? When was the last time we went to church? When was
the last time you even thought about God? What right do you have to accuse me
of this now?"
"It doesn't change the truth." Donna pushed up to her feet as well and Jensen
had never seen her look so angry. "I won't have this. You're so, this is, my
son is not a queer. My son will not disgrace his family in such a filthy,
tarnished way."
Jensen turned his gaze from his mom to his dad, waiting, holding his breath for
the moment he knew his dad was going to step up, rise to his defense. Only, his
dad's gaze was down with no sign of stepping in. Jensen's mouth opened and
closed, a fist tightening around his heart. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying you break up with - you end things with this, Jared. And that's
final. You end things and you get your life back on the right path and things
will be just fine. You do what you're supposed to do Jensen, and knock off
this, ridiculous affair." Donna sank back into her chair, hairs all back in the
proper place, hands settling over her silverware.
It hadn't occurred to Jensen before, how very much his mom relied on the
perfect little family image. Maybe he was foolish in thinking she'd come
around, or that his own happiness was more important than imaged but this
didn't seem to be the case. "No." He stepped back, falling away from the table.
"If you can't handle what I am, if you can't accept that, and if I'm no longer
your son because I'm in love with Jared, then, I guess I'm not your son
anymore."
"Jensen," Alan finally spoke, eyes lifting to him. "Don't be foolish, of course
you're our son. You will always be. Now sit down, finish dinner, and we can
talk about this later."
"No." Jensen didn't mean to yell the word but he didn't, face flushing with
anger. More than anything he'd like to do that, sit down and finish the meal,
pretend like they were just a normal family, but this would all come around
again soon and Jensen couldn't escape his mother calling him filth.
"I'm sick of pretending like this doesn't exist, I'm sick of you both ignoring
me. I am who I am, I love Jared and that's that. I'm sorry you can't accept
that part of me. But I'm going to be with Jared. He makes me happier than I
have been in my entire life and I want to spend every moment I can with him. I
love him. I love him, do you get that?" Angry tears were streaming down
Jensen's cheeks, all the while backing toward the doorway, heart hammering hard
in his chest.
"You don't love him. You can't possibly love him Jensen. It's, there is just no
way. We'll get you help, we'll get you therapy for this. Now sit down and eat
dinner and tomorrow you will call Jared and end things with him." Donna ordered
crisply, gesturing toward his chair.
That was enough for Jensen, he couldn't handle it anymore. He couldn't believe
this was happening, that his mother was simply ready to turn a blind eye to all
of this. "No. No. God why don't you listen to me?" He shook his head roughly
and turned, bolting up the stairs to his room. He could just stay in there,
hide in his room and hope he could be okay with his mom never accepting him but
she had her mind made up now and Jensen knew what that meant. She'd ground him,
force him to stay away from Jared, lock him in his room if need be.
Jensen couldn't stand that idea. So he pulled his backpack from the closet and
raced around his room, shoving essentials into the bag, enough for a few days
at least. His mind was churning over where to go, Josh's in LA, he could stay
in his car, but really it wasn't much of a decision at all. Jensen already knew
the one place he wanted to be.
Less then ten minutes he was back down the stairs. It shouldn't have surprised
him that his family was still sitting there, quietly eating dinner. Mackenzie
was sniffing around a bite of mashed potatoes and Jensen swallowed quickly. "I
won't go. Mom, if you just, if you could just give me some time. Please, meet
Jared, you'll see how amazing he is. And how happy he makes me. If you'd just -
"
"I am not discussing this any longer. Alan, please pass me the butter."
Jensen stared in disbelief, though maybe he shouldn't be shocked about this any
longer. "Please pass the butter," he whispered slowly and sucked in a sob. "Is
this really how you're ending our family?"
There was no answer and Jensen's eyes blurred with tears and he stepped back,
turning to head for the front door. He'd walk the long way to the driveway for
his car, not strong enough to make it through the kitchen. His body was shaking
by the time he slipped behind the steering wheel but he told himself if he
could just make it to Jared's, then he'd be okay. As long as Jared's mom was
alright with him staying there. Just for a little while. Jensen would have to
think about something else long term but his brain couldn't stretch that far
just yet.
He wasn't really sure how he made it to Jared's house, just that he was there,
standing on the front step and considering ringing the doorbell. It was
Thanksgiving, all Jared had was his mom and vice versa. He was going to
interrupt their Holiday and it made him feel like an asshole.
After another few minutes of hesitating Jensen decided he'd be okay if he could
just see Jared for a moment, give him or hug or something, then he'd go to
Josh's even if it were a four hour drive and his wife hated him. Sighing softly
Jensen reached out and pressed the doorbell, shifting the backpack on his
shoulders and wiping the heels of his palms hard against his eyes.
Jared bolted up the stairs from his bedroom. "I got it," he yelled.
He heard faint laughter and a reply of "don't yell," from his mom.
Laughing, Jared pulled the door open and flung it further back. "Jensen." As
soon as Jensen looked up Jared smile faded from his face. "Jensen, God - what?"
He held out his arms and reached for his boyfriend knowing only that he wanted
to hold him and try and get the look of confusion and loss off his face.
Jensen gladly stepped forward into Jared's touch, slumping against him.
Whatever strength he had holding him up, getting him here, dissipated with the
knowledge that he was safe here. "Jared," he gasped, sucking in a surprised
breath then choking out a sob. Every part of Jensen ached, deep and hollow in
his chest and his arms tightened painfully around Jared, knees weakening.
"God, Jensen..." Jared stumbled back a step under his boyfriend's weight and
pulled him into the house so he could kick the door shut. Basically holding his
boyfriend up Jared moved them slowly backwards until they were almost at the
couch. "Jensen, you're scaring me." His boyfriend's body was wracked with sobs,
shoulders and chest heaving as he tried to suck in breath in between his sobs.
Sherri came around the corner with a smile on her face. "You're quiet, Jared.
Who-" She stopped short and Jared waved her away with a slight motion of his
hand. She nodded and slipped back out into the kitchen with a worried
expression on her face.
"Jensen, sit. Come on." Jared's heart was pounding with fear. He'd never seen
anyone as upset at his boyfriend was and felt a bit helpless. He turned them
slightly and sank down onto the couch, pulling Jensen with him. The way Jensen
curled up against him was terrifying, like he was clinging to Jared to keep him
alive.
It took awhile before Jensen could find his voice. He was shaking from the
hardest crying he'd ever experienced and by the time he managed to finish, or
at least inhale deeply and not catch on the tears all over again, he felt weak.
Jensen lifted slightly, staring down at Jared's soaked t-shirt and frowning.
"M'sorry," he whispered, wiping the back of his hand against his cheeks and
sniffing loudly. "M'really sorry Jared. Didn't mean to, your Thanksgiving and
all. Just, needed a place to, cry for awhile." Jensen stared down at Jared's
ruined shirt, shaking his head slightly.
"You know you're welcome here. Always. You're...Jensen - are you okay? I mean.
I can see you're not okay - but are you -" Jared had no idea what was going on.
All the worst possible scenarios were running through his mind: a death, an
accident. But, Jensen had his backpack even though it was discarded by the
front door. "What happened Jensen?"
"My mom." Jensen whispered, tightening his hands in his lap. "We, my dad asked
about you, we were talking about you and, she just. She, god Jared. I don't
know if I can go back." He looked up with wide, watery eyes, staring at Jared
so he knew just how lost he was feeling at the moment. "She said, fuck. She
said all these things Jared, how no son of her's would be with a guy, and,
just, she wanted me to break up with you and get back with Danneel and live
this stupid perfect life she wants and I told her I love you and I'm not going
to do that and she asked for the fucking butter."
Jensen sucked in a sharp breath, blinking away a few stray tears and sniffing
loudly. "I know I can't stay here, I don't want to bother you guys. I just
want, I just need a little time? Where's your mom? I can apologize to her."
Jensen didn't want to upset another mother today, that seemed a little too
much.
Jared had never been such a mess of emotion. He was pretty sure that Jensen had
just said that he loved him and then he had absolutely no idea what butter had
to do with anything. Blinking a few times, Jared slid his hand over Jensen's
cheek. "Take a minute here, you can stay - that's not a problem." Leaning
forward, Jared kissed Jensen softly then leaned back. "Mom? Can you come in
here?"
In case Jensen was worried about seeing Sherri, Jared slipped an arm over his
boyfriend's shoulder and pulled him in until he was pressed against Jared's
side. Sherri walked into the room almost silently, obviously concerned about
Jensen. There was a slight smile on her face, her eyes warm under a furrowed
brow. "Jensen? Honey?"
"S-sorry." Jensen choked out, though he thought he should probably stop
apologizing. He just couldn't shake the fear that he wouldn't be welcome
anywhere if he didn't make it clear that this wasn't his fault. So many people
in his life were so quick to point the finger at him without giving him a
chance, he knew Jared was better than that and hoped his mom was the same. She
seemed pretty cool the few times they'd met before. "My mom, we got into a
fight. Kind of. Maybe. She just, gave me a choice and I chose..." Jensen waved
his hand toward Jared, leaning into his boyfriend's side.
"Okay, Jensen. Sweetheart I'm not sure I understand. What choice did she give
you? Did you Mom ask you to leave?" Sherri's eyes widened and she glanced at
Jared. He simply shrugged and she looked back at Jensen. "What happened
Jensen?"
Sucking in a slow breath, Jensen dropped his hands into his lap and frowned.
"She said, that the thing I had with Jared, that it was disgusting and filthy.
She said I was going to hell unless I broke it off with him and got my life
back on the normal path. She told me we'd get therapy for me. And she said no
son of her's was like this. I tried, I, I've been really trying to be better
for her, but it's not enough. Then, I told her I'd stay, if she just, gave me a
chance." Jensen frowned deeper, eyes lifting to Sherri for the first time.
"Then she just, said no. Or that we weren't discussing it. And then asked if
they could pass the butter. And that was that."
"Oh Jensen," Sherri's eyes widened and she took a step closer reaching out on
instinct to brush her hand over Jensen's hair. "You're not going to hell.
Honestly, I can't believe -" Sherri caught herself and stepped back. "Jensen,
you can stay here tonight absolutely - never worry about being welcome here but
you have to promise me that tomorrow we'll talk about contacting your parents
to let them know where you are."
"Mom," Jared chided, "she threw him -"
"Jared. She's still Jensen's mother and as mad at she might be she's going to
want to know he's okay. I'm not going to throw Jensen out and you know it."
Taking a step back Sherri motioned toward the kitchen. "I'm going to make
Jensen some ... tea or coffee? Something warm with sugar?"
"That would be nice, thank you. Um, coffee is fine." Jensen nodded shakily and
slumped against Jared's side as Sherri walked out of the room. "She's not going
to care where I am Jared. She didn't even try to stop me. But, maybe my dad
might. We can call him. He didn't stand up for me though, he just, sat there."
Jensen blinked up at Jared, eyes watering once more. "I don't understand how
she can be like this. She told me, I mean, she basically said I wasn't her son.
How can a mother do that?"
"I...Jensen I have no idea what to say. I'll talk to my Mom, don't worry. You
don't have to talk to her - I'm sure my mom will do it. Jensen - you know that
nothing she said is true right?" Jared's heart was aching and he pressed his
lips to Jensen's temple, staying there for a few moments.
"I know." Jensen whispered softly and tilted up into the kiss, brushing his
lips against Jared's softly and pulling back. "I feel too much about you for it
to be wrong. You've been the only good thing in my life for the past, three
months or whatever and that's just, how could it be wrong?" Jensen smiling
briefly and wrapped his arm around Jared's middle. "Did I interrupt your
dinner?"
Jared's smile grew slightly. "We were just, no we hadn't started. I mean, you
can - you'll have dinner with us. Jensen - did you say," Jared dropped his gaze
for a moment. "Did you say that you loved me before? I mean, I know you were
upset and stuff - so ...."
"Oh." Jensen flushed slightly and looked down, shrugging his shoulders. "Yeah,
I told my parents, that I love you. It's, I don't know, is it too soon for
that? You don't have to tell me or anything, I guess I just wanted to be honest
with them. I thought if I did, maybe she'd see how important you are to me."
Jensen looked back up at Jared, half smiling. "I probably look like an
emotional wreck to you huh?"
"You look fine. You always look fine to me." Jared smoothed Jensen's hair back
off his forehead and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "I love you too," he
whispered.
"Boys!" Sherri's voice reached them from the kitchen. "Coffee and dinner if you
want some."
Jared pulled back, cheeks flushed above his grin. "You want to come sit down
for dinner? You don't have to eat if you're too upset. Maybe just talk or
listen to me babble? Let things settle. You can go down to my room if you would
feel better there." Jared frowned at his own babbling.
"I didn't get to eat much at hom - before." Jensen cringed at the word and
stood, pulling Jared with him. Before his boyfriend could move he caught his
hand and pulled him in, brushing their lips together. "I'm glad. That you feel
the same." It definitely did wonders for the ache in his heart, that was for
sure. He allowed Jared to lead him into the kitchen and to the table so they
could sit. It was so very different from the table he'd been at less then half
an hour ago and Jensen's eyes watered once more before he pushed past it and
smiled softly at Sherri. "Thank you for letting me join you."
"Of course, Jensen. Good grief - Jared talks about you so much it's like having
you here anyway." She reached over and squeezed Jensen's shoulder. "My son's
got quite a thing for you."
"Oh my God, Mom." Jared groaned and covered his face with his hand for a
moment.
"What? You do." Sherri winked at Jensen and put a mug of coffee in front of
him. "Cream and sugar on the table, use both - it'll help you to feel a bit
better."
"Thank you," Jensen couldn't help murmuring again, smiling a little brighter
when he reached out for the cream and sugar. "And, for what it's worth, I have
quite a thing for Jared too. So, yeah." He shrugged and slowly stirred his
coffee. His body felt drained from all the crying but being with Jared made him
feel a bit better and everything else he could tackle. He wanted to ask what
would happen to him, if for some reason his mom said he couldn't come back -
and he feared it was likely - but he kept his questions to himself. For now.
-=-=-=-
For all the times they'd spent making out on this bed, Jensen had never been
without clothes in it. They got close, Jared's hand pressing his shirt up as
high as it would go, running his hands over his ass over the jeans, but neither
had initiated the next step. Jensen wanted to, he dreamed about it all the
time, but something held him back. Now though it was later in the evening after
one of the most emotionally exhaustive days he'd ever had and he was slipping
into Jared's bed in just boxers, trying not to be nervous even if the room was
dark.
"Your mom is so cool, for letting me stay in here." Jensen said quietly,
waiting for the dip of the bed that was Jared climbing in beside him. The
stereo was playing softly in the background and Jensen couldn't help smiling,
it was so very like Jared to listen to music even when he slept.
"She likes you a lot. I think she was a bit worried at first but she's has like
this inner radar thing and she gets a good feeling from you." Jared smiled in
the darkness waiting till his eyes adjusted enough that he could see where
Jensen was. Scooting a little closer he reached and felt around for Jensen's
hand. "How you doing?"
"I think I'm okay." Jensen nodded and pressed in closer, legs sliding against
Jared's. He'd never felt them bare before and heat instantly curled through him
at the touch. Jensen made a vow that he wasn't going to let everything with his
mom destroy him, not now. "It'll be okay, somehow. I've made my choice and I'm
sticking to it." Basically, Jensen's choice was Jared. No part of him could
regret that and he shifted close enough for their chests to touch, lips inches
from Jared's. "I'm so glad I have you."
"I'm glad you have me too. M'sorry it had to come to this - to that - with your
Mom. My Mom says she's gonna call tomorrow and talk to your Dad." Jared's heart
was already starting to beat faster and he was barely touching Jensen. Heat
from his boyfriend's body was warming Jared's skin and he slipped his hand
forward to settle over Jensen's hip. "You tired?"
"Emotionally yes." Jensen laughed softly and tilted up, lips brushing along
Jared's jaw, up to his lips. "I like this, it all feels very... intimate."
Jensen's lips twitched in a small smile, hand sliding down Jared's back and
resting just about the waistline of his boxers. "Are you tired?" He brushed his
lips over Jared's once more, sliding slowly back and forth.
"Uh," Jared shivered slightly, "no. I mean. A little but not - Jensen I need to
say something." Jared pulled back slightly and smiled. "We don't have to do ...
more. Just because you're here and I mean. I love you. I can wait for whatever
to happen." Sighing, Jared laughed softly. "That didn't come out very well."
Trailing his fingers along the smooth space above the bottom of Jared's spine,
Jensen hummed softly. "And... what if I want to do more?"
"Oh. Well," Jared scooted closer again. "You're my boyfriend, I'll gladly
support you in any decision you make." Jared's voice was soft and low, only
loud enough for Jensen to hear. It was peaceful, being there in bed with
Jensen. Lips moving slowly across Jensen's, Jared found himself smiling again.
Jensen laughed softly into the kiss before pressing forward, deepening it. Like
it always was, heat instantly shot through him. Jared's lips were smooth and
silky against his, laced with the suggestion of pumpkin pie and that underlying
sweetness that belonged to his boyfriend alone. He pressed his hand firmly
against Jared's back, bringing their bodies together and moaning softly at the
touch. He was acutely aware of the thin layers of cotton separating them and it
only heightened his arousal, filling his cock until he was sure Jared could
feel it.
Jared sucked in a breath as their bodies met then slid his arms around Jensen's
body. It was so different, holding Jensen like this and knowing he was staying.
It felt like they had all the time in the world but at the same moment Jared
found himself pressing forward almost urgently. "What...have you thought about
it? Touching? Stuff you want to - God - do...sorry." Jensen had moved closer,
and Jared could feel the heat of his boyfriend’s arousal hard and firm against
his.
Another moan left Jensen's lips and he shifted his hips up slightly, the
friction shooting through him in an almost dizzying spiral. "I think about it,
a lot," he admitted softly, lips sliding across Jared's and back slightly. "I
want to do, um, well, everything honest. But, maybe not all tonight because
that would be a lot." He laughed softly, trailing off as Jared's hand on his
hip squeezed softly. "Maybe, touching? And, more? You might have to guide me
along but I'm really okay with anything. Okay?" It had been so long since
Jensen even dreamed about the night when everything happened, he wasn't worried
about it any longer. It was completely Jared in that moment, making him feel
better already than he thought possible.
"Okay," Jared whispered. His lips moved slowly over Jensen's cheek, dropping
down to his jaw and them sliding along until he could whispered against his
boyfriend's ear. "I think about it a lot too. Touching you, my mouth ... on
you." Jensen's breath quickened and Jared could feel the boy shiver against
him. Moving his hand slowly down Jensen's back he slid his fingers under the
waistband of his boxers. So warm.
Sucking hard on a patch of skin just below Jensen's ear, Jared moaned quietly
as his hips rolled forward slowly. Eyes closing, Jared felt the intensity of
the touch - the way Jensen's hips met his and the heat. God.
Jensen bit his lip around another moan, head tilting as much as possible so
Jared's lips could continue to move on his skin. He could already feel his
heart racing, the touch of Jared's fingers on his bare skin, the heat it sent
vibrating through him. "Jared," he moaned the name, hand sliding up to his hair
and stroking softly. His hips moved up once more, rolling slowly and falling
back. "Do you, think about me when you get off?" Jensen asked in a breathy
whisper, somehow feeling the thrill from the idea alone.
Jared swallowed, his lips still moving on Jensen's throat. "Yeah," he murmured.
"Think about touching you, about you - your hands on me." His lashes fluttered
closed and he moaned softly. "Jensen- I ..." Pulling his hand forward Jared
slid it down so his palm pressed hard against Jensen's cock. The cotton of
Jensen's boxers was so thin, barely there and Jared could feel the heat of his
boyfriend's flesh.
"Oh god." Jensen knew Jared's hands were big but it felt so very different,
cupping him even through fabric. Jensen's hips rocked up to feel the friction,
heart picking up speed. "You can, touch. However you want." Jensen was already
panting softly, eyes slowly opening and closing as he adjusted to the intensity
of lust rippling through him. His hand in Jared's hair slid back down, tracing
the bumps along his spine, lingering over the waist band before slowly tucking
beneath and just barely grazing along the skin.
Shifting back, Jared slanted his mouth over Jensen's and leaned forward into
the kiss. Pushing gently he pressed Jensen down against the mattress, lying
across his boyfriend's chest. Jensen's body was pliant, melting against his and
Jared moaned into the kiss as his tongue slid forward.
Jensen sucked Jared's tongue eagerly into his mouth, hand pressing more sure
under Jared's boxers, sliding across his ass. It seemed like the very best idea
at the moment was for Jared to be completely naked and Jensen pushed at his
boxers, shoving them as much as he could. He felt Jared's hips shift slightly
and he twisted his hands around to the front, pulling at the material and
pushing down. He could feel Jared's dick against his side for just a moment and
Jensen moaned, pulling back from the kiss so he could watch Jared's face.
He wanted to see Jared's face as his fingers slowly grazed over Jared's hard
dick, a shiver shooting up his spine with the heated touch. "This -" he
whispered, catching on the word as his fingers slowly curled around Jared.
"This okay?"
Jared's eyes widened for a moment, then closed, breath rushing from his body.
"Yes," he mumbled before rolling back to slip his boxers off all together.
Kneeling back on his heels he looked down at Jensen, eyes trailing down the
length of his boyfriend's body. Hooking his fingers over the waist band of
Jensen's boxers he pulled down slightly, revealing more of the downy fine hair
low on Jensen's belly. Jared slid the pads of his fingers through the hair,
loving the feel of Jensen's skin, so smooth and warm. "Can I...take these off?"
His fingers traced the edge of the waistband, his eyes moving back up to meet
Jensen's gaze.
"Yes, definitely." Jensen briefly smiled and lifted his hips, sucking in a
breath when Jared pulled the boxers down and cool air in the room ghosted down
over him. "I've never, not just with guys you know? I've never done anything."
He shrugged slightly, looking away to hide his embarrassment.
Jared tilted his head slightly and lay down against Jensen side. "What do you
mean? Never... Danneel..." He couldn't help sliding his hand back across
Jensen's belly as soon as he'd pulled the covers up over them once more.
"Yeah I know, I mean, everyone thought we did and stuff but - I wanted to
wait." Jensen flushed and shook his head. "I didn't want my first time to be in
some car or something. We couldn't at her place and definitely not at mine.
Plus it just, never felt right." Jensen looked toward Jared and sighed. "Is
that really lame? That I'm, a virgin?" He felt lame, but he thought Jared
should know, it seemed important enough.
"Why would that be lame?" Jared pressed up hard against Jensen's side. "I think
it's pretty awesome. I'm ... kinda glad." He could feel his cheeks flush; but
it meant that Jensen thought he was special, felt something special for him.
Pushing up onto his elbow he leaned down to kiss Jensen's bottom lip. "I like
it... I like you. A lot." Tracing the curve of Jensen's bottom lip with his
tongue Jared's free hand moved slowly down Jensen's side to settle over his hip
bone. Jensen's body arched up slightly and his cock slid past Jared's arm.
"God," Jared whispered. "I just... can I touch you? You sure it's okay..."
"Really, really okay." Jensen murmured, wetting his lips as he watched Jared's
move. "You, you're so important to me." Jensen let out a breathy laugh. His
hands fluttered out to settle on Jared's chest, around his shoulders, back
behind his neck and pulling him in so their lips could meet.
Sinking forward, Jared sank down into the kiss because God he just wanted to
touch every part of Jensen; feel everything. His tongue slid forward, gliding
across Jensen's and sweep through his mouth. So many different sensations - the
faint taste of coffee but that perfect Jensen flavour that was so familiar.
Jared’s breath caught, his fingers curling hard over Jensen's hip for a few
moments, digging into the flesh before moving again. His fingers ghosted over
the head of Jensen's cock at the same moment as his tongue thrust forward to
claim Jensen's mouth. Heat shot through Jared's body, his hips rocked forward
and his cock pressed against Jensen's hip.
The spark of not enough shot through Jensen and he pressed up into the touch,
sucking Jared's tongue hard into his mouth. Every touch felt a thousand times
more intense than Jensen could name, perfect and sparking and Jensen moaned
against Jared's tongue. He rocked up into Jared's hand, wanting to feel more,
body gliding against Jared's cock. Jensen gasped as he fell back from the kiss,
rolling against his boyfriend once more. "Want," he groaned and pressed into
the kiss once more, thrusting his tongue forward into Jared's mouth.
It was all the encouragement Jared needed, a half-moaned request for what - he
wasn't sure but...more. Mouth still moving against his boyfriend’s, Jared
curled his fingers around the base of Jensen's cock and squeezed gently.
Jensen's body seemed almost to ripple with a shudder of pleasure and Jared
found himself pulling back, wanting to watch Jensen's face. Stroking his fist
up the rigid flesh he saw Jensen's face go slack, his eyes grow impossibly
darker, his tongue moved over his lips. The movement of Jensen's tongue, barely
visible in the darkened room sent a jolt of sensation through Jared's body and
he fell forward to mouth his way down Jensen's chest.
It was only when he caught Jensen's nipple between his lips that Jared settled
against his boyfriend. His hand still stroked Jensen's cock slowly,
deliberately, feeling every inch of the burning flesh. Jensen arched up off the
bed like he was chasing the touch; chasing Jared's mouth. Catching the hardened
nub of flesh between his teeth Jared tugged gently, thumb gliding over the head
of Jensen's cock.
"Fuck, Jared," Jensen gasped, too loud he was sure but he couldn't help it. His
body felt like it was constantly in movement, arching up, driving up into the
ripples of movements. "So, good. God." Jared's hand was wide and burning
against his cock and Jensen craned his neck up slightly to peer down at Jared.
When he shifted his leg he could feel Jared's own arousal, a firm reminder how
much Jared wanted him as well. There was a slight pinch from Jared's lip on his
nipple, the tug of his teeth, and Jensen slid his fingers through Jared's hair,
squeezing and releasing. It seemed impossible, that something could feel so
very amazing, but Jensen just kept wanting more, wanting the next thing that
would drive him just as insane.
Sliding further down, Jared licked and kissed his way across Jensen's ribs,
down the center of his body, tongue dipping briefly into his belly button.
Stretching out his tall frame, Jared nuzzled against Jensen's hip. He sucked
hard on the sensitive skin there, smooth and warm under his mouth. It was
insanely hot the way Jensen was moving against Jared's body. Each time Jared
touched his boyfriend, Jensen would arch up, writhe slightly, his hips would
roll or he would moan. Jared had never been so hard or wanted someone so badly.
Letting his hand slide off Jensen's cock, Jared turned his head to rest his
cheek on his boyfriend's hip. The musky scent of Jensen's body was everywhere,
the slight scent of their sweat, the smell of heated flesh. A shudder worked
its way down Jared's body, his muscles quivering as he slid his cheek along
Jensen's flesh. The slightest touch of his lips against Jensen's rigid flesh
and Jensen's body writhed almost violently. Rolling forward Jared held Jensen
down with his weight, lips dragging along the side of Jensen's erection - from
the base up then parting to suck gently on the head.
Jensen sucked in a sharp breath and held it, willing his orgasm back with all
his force. Jared's lips on his dick, so insanely hot it made his mind spin and
his hips struggling to jerk up on instinct. Thankfully Jared seemed to have a
pretty solid grip on him, which he found oddly just as appealing, and he
settled with stroking a hand through Jared's hair once more. "Holy shit," he
gasped as the warmth enveloped his skin. Jensen never knew that things could
feel like this, so amazingly good, and he momentarily wished they hadn't waited
so long. The thought was gone just as fast when Jared's lips moved, suction
pressing along his cock and he moaned. "Jared, god. Your mouth." His fingers in
Jared's hair curled, nails sliding along his scalp.
Humming quietly Jared sucked more of Jensen's cock into his mouth. He could
taste pre-come, slightly salty, smooth across his tongue and his hips rocked
forward into the mattress. Pulsing his tongue against the underside of Jensen's
cock, he felt his boyfriend's hips roll up again and heat shot through him. He
wanted so much more and he wanted everything now -but seeing Jensen here like
this - feeling the way he was writhing under him was the most amazing
sensation.
Part of Jensen wanted to know how Jared got so very good at this but he
couldn't get his throat to form any real words any longer, just the half moans
of Jared's name. Each time Jared slid down he seemed to take a little more of
him into his mouth and there was no way Jensen was going to last very long
through any of this. His body continued to writhe and twist, trying to force up
into more heat, and all he could think of was Jared's mouth on him. "Not-" he
gasped raggedly, tugging on Jared's hair in as much of a warning as he could
before he simply just fell apart, every part of him feeling like he was
exploding with the sudden force of his release.
Jared's hands curled gently over Jensen's hips as he twisted beneath him. The
heat of Jensen's come was almost intoxicating and Jared swallowed and licked,
sucking Jensen through his orgasm. It wasn't until Jensen let out the slightest
whimper that Jared pulled off his cock and dragged himself back up Jensen's
body to lean down over his boyfriend. Jensen's cheeks were flushed, his lips
swollen and wet, eyes dark and glistening and Jared's heart swelled just
looking at him. "Taste yourself," he murmured and fell forward to crush his
lips against Jensen's.
At first Jensen shied from the kiss but Jared's lips were warm against his own
and he tentatively slid his tongue forward, surprised by the salty wisps
lingering over Jared's tongue. He moaned softly, though he felt it was all he
could do, and swept across the taste before falling back, body melt slightly
into the mattress. Then a groan left his lips, forearm falling across his eyes.
"That was so stupidly fast. Me coming I mean. I swear I have better stamina
than that." He could feel the heat of Jared's body next to his and he wet his
lips, wondering if returning the favor would be something Jared wanted.
Laughing softly, Jared let himself fall onto the mattress beside his boyfriend.
"It's not like it’s an insult that I made you come." He licked his lips again,
still able to taste the salt of Jensen's flesh, the tangy sweetness of his
release. Tugging Jensen's arm down away from his face Jared grinned. "Don't
hide, I like looking at ... you're so messed up and sexy." He caught his bottom
lip between his teeth and stared, snuggling closer to Jensen's heat.
"Messed up." Jensen snorted and rolled over onto Jared's body, grinning down at
him. "I'm gonna make you all messed up. Already sexy though." Jensen grinned at
Jared and pecked his lips before kissing his own way down Jared's body. He
almost perfectly mimicked Jared's trail of kisses from before, hand sliding
between them to wrap around Jared's cock and slowly stroke as he pulled his
boyfriend's nipple up between his teeth. The heat of Jared's arousal was thick
and heavy in his palm and Jensen took his time adjusting to the feel of someone
else's flesh outside his own.
Jared's flesh was only slightly salty, mostly pleasant and Jensen found himself
sucking on random patches just to taste. As he moved lower along his
boyfriend's body it was all reduced to three senses. Noise, Jared's constant
soft murmurs of encouragement and louder moans as it shifted to smell, the
faint musk, faint soap, faint sweat lingering along Jared's hips. Then it was
simply taste and Jensen couldn't process much more beyond that. His lips moved
along Jared's cock, learning the way the skin felt so silky smooth, unable to
decide what name that taste had. It was just, Jared.
Jensen wasn't able to take much of him in his mouth, Jared was much bigger than
he'd even realized but he was surprised how easy it seemed to get the hang of
it, especially when he moaned around the stretch in his mouth and Jared's body
nearly shot off the bed. And he was pleased when his boyfriend came almost just
as quickly, long fingers pulling in his hair. Jensen swallowed down the bursts
of come, nearly catching it all, lapping up what dribbled out and dragging the
taste along his skin.
When he finally collapsed in a heap against Jared's side, he sighed softly,
content, arm falling over Jared's middle. "I guess it's a good thing I really
enjoyed sucking your cock." Jensen murmured and grinned, turning his head to
Jared so their lips could brush together.
When he could finally breathe, Jared laughed softly. "I...yeah. 'Cause it would
be really shitty if I never got to experience that again." Jared kissed the
corner of Jensen's mouth and flopped back heavily onto the bed. "That was
fucking awesome."
"Mmhmm," Jensen grinned sleepily, closing his eyes and curling his body around
Jared's. "Hey, I know you said, before with um - well you said you bottomed. Is
that, what you like? I mean, for future reference or whatever." Jensen kept his
eyes closed, settling his head on Jared's shoulder, heart finally returning to
normal.
"I'll try anything with you," Jared whispered. He'd never really considered it
but with Jensen his fantasies went all kinds of ways.
"Hmm." Jensen nodded, fingers sliding over Jared's collarbone. He'd have to
give the whole matter some thought when his brain wasn't fried from the
emotional roller coaster of the day. "Love you." He barely breathed the words,
turning his head in to press a small kiss to Jared's shoulder.
Tightening his arms around Jensen, Jared murmured something resembling
goodnight.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Heat was radiating constant and heavy, making the loss of the blanket around
him tolerable. Jensen smiled before he opened his eyes, rising and falling with
Jared's inhaled breath. He was kind of laying on top of his boyfriend, almost
from head to toe, and it made him snort sleepily. Blinking his eyes open,
Jensen turned slightly, tilting his head up to peer into his boyfriend's face.
He smiled once more, ignoring the press of persistent thoughts and dipping in
to slowly brush a kiss along Jared's lips. "You should wake up now," Jensen
murmured against Jared's mouth, shifting his body slightly and biting Jared's
lip to keep from moaning.
Jared hummed softly and shook his head. "I'm having this great dream. My
boyfriend spent the night with me and he's still here and he still loves me."
Jared's arms crept up to circle round Jensen's waist and hold him close.
"Hey you're in luck." Jensen snorted and let his legs fell on either side of
Jared's waist, burrowing his head into his boyfriend's neck and sucking softly.
"I guess, I decided to be your Jensen shaped blanket in the middle of the
night." Jensen grinned and squeezed Jared's body with his knees.
"Best sleep I had in ages," Jared murmured. He let his hands slid down Jensen's
thighs, up his sides and into his hair. Mine he thought. "So, s'morning. You...
you still okay with me? Us?" Jared smiled weakly, shifting slightly and running
his fingers through his boyfriend's hair.
Jensen hadn't really forgotten about Jared's past with the whole Chad thing,
but it hit him now just how important this moment was. Pushing up slightly,
Jensen stared down at Jared and slowly smiled. "I'm not going anywhere. You're
stuck with me." He laughed softly and dropped down once more, brushing his lips
against Jared's then deepening the kiss.
Heat sparked up Jared's body, relief, maybe something more - something deeper.
His hands tightened in Jensen's hair, moving his boyfriend’s head gently to
better match their lips. A soft moan rose up inside him, his body responding
immediately to the warmth and wetness of Jensen's kiss.
Kissing him until he was almost dizzy with the need to suck in a breath, Jared
finally pulled back. "I still love you," he murmured against his boyfriend's
lips.
"Good." Jensen hummed and dragged his lips down along Jared's jaw. "I still
love you too." He breathed against Jared's ear, shifting his hips down against
Jared's. "Think your mom will be getting us up soon?" Which was Jensen's way of
checking that they had enough time to pursue this whole being on top of Jared
and growing heat between them.
"Mmm, I don't care." Jared pushed at his boyfriend and flipped him over onto
his back, lips sliding down his neck.
-=-=-=-
Sherri sipped her coffee and watched as the boys moved about the kitchen. "It's
just that I think we should let someone at your house know where you are,
Jensen. I'm not for a moment suggesting that you go home or that you talk to
your parents but I should touch base with them."
Jared sighed and poured cereal into a couple of bowls then picked up the milk.
"She kicked him out, Mom."
"Jared I know that. And I need you to hear what I'm saying, you too Jensen. I'm
not saying that he has to go home today or even for a little while, but this
isn't a permanent fix for this situation." Sherri put her coffee mug down on
the table and watched as the boys sat down across from her.
"I understand. I wouldn't, want to impose or anything." Jensen nodded and
leaned back in his chair. "I guess I could call my dad and tell him I'm here.
I, I'll be eighteen in March. I guess I could go stay with my brother in LA
until then. I mean, his wife kind of hates our entire family, and he and I
don't get along too well but he'd never, kick me out or whatever." Jensen
frowned, wrapping his arms around himself. He didn't like the way this made him
feel, so helpless, no real future.
"Jensen, honey, I'm not talking about sending you away. We just need to do this
properly. Have you and Jared even discussed you staying here? I'm a Mom but I'm
not naive, I know what that means in terms of your relationship." Sherri's
smile was warm.
"It's not like that Mom. We were together anyway. Jensen being here doesn't
change my feelings or his." Jared slipped his fingers into Jensen's hand on the
table.
"You know I'm not suggesting that Jared. We just need to talk to Jensen's
father at least. Give them some idea of what's going on and you boys have to
think seriously about this."
"What if they don't care?" Jensen whispered, staring down at the table. He
wasn't worried about staying with Jared, he was sure they could make it work,
and part of him was probably looking forward to it. But not when it came hand
and hand with the loss of his family. "What if you call and tell him I'm here
and they just don't care? What will I do with all my things? How will I see my
sister? Do I keep going to school and pretending like my family does want
anything to do with me?" His hand tightened in Jared's, squeezing softly.
"Jensen, one step at a time." Sherri took another sip of coffee and her eyes
drifted over to her son. "Jared? Have you thought about what will happen if you
and Jensen break up?"
Jared's expression darkened. "Mom, that's not gonna happen. We just -"
"Jared. You said the same thing in the past. We all believe that when we are in
relationships, it's why we stay in them. It's how relationships work. I'm not
saying what you boys have isn't going to be there for a long time. I just want
you to think about what happens if it isn't." Sherri leaned her elbow on the
table and propped her chin on her hand.
Jared's eyes narrowed in thought. He knew exactly what his mom meant and he
knew that she didn't mean them any harm by bringing it up but he couldn't help
being hurt. The idea of losing Jensen following so closely on the heels of
their night together was a bit overwhelming. Squeezing Jensen's hand tighter
Jared looked over at his mom.
"Mom, I know it would be really hard but Jensen was my friend first if
something went wrong -which I don't think it will - he'll be my friend
afterward. I can make that commitment but I can't speak for Jensen." Jared
lowered his gaze, staring at their intertwined fingers.
"I don't plan on ending things with Jared any time, ever really but definitely
not in the future." Jensen said quietly, not quite comfortable yet with Jared's
mom to be having this kind of conversation. But he knew she was just looking
out for Jared and it made his heart hurt slightly seeing how much she cared.
"If, I mean, I don't want to cause any problems, and I would never do anything
to hurt Jared, he's basically the only thing I have now." Jensen's voice caught
at the words and he rolled his lips together, sighing shakily. "I'm really not
like Chad. I know who Jared is and I love him, no matter what. But this is your
home Sherri so I won't, I mean, I'll just do what you think is best okay?"
Sherri smiled warmly at Jensen for a few moments and looked down at her coffee.
"You two talked about Chad?"
Jared nodded and glanced at Jensen out of the corner of his eye. "Yeah Mom -
I've told Jensen what happened and how...things were for me. He's not like that
Mom. Jensen really does try to understand how things are different for me and
I'm trying to work on some of my stuff too." He paused, running over the things
in his mind that had changed so much since he started spending time with
Jensen. "We're good for each other Mom."
"Jared's the only one who gave me a chance." Jensen added, figuring it wouldn't
hurt if Sherri knew a little about him and the things he'd been going through.
"Last year I lost all my friends, people I'd known my whole life just shut me
out over a misunderstanding. They thought I did something I didn't and Jared
was the only one..." Jensen shrugged then smiled slightly, free fingers tracing
along the table top. "He's pretty much my best friend above everything else."
"Okay." Sherri sighed and picked up the phone. "What's your Dad's work phone
number Jensen? His name?"
Jensen's fingers tightened impossibly hard on Jared's hand and he shifted
forward. "His name is Alan. You'll probably get him on his cell phone, it's
339-3580." Jensen wanted to get up and leave the room, not sure he wanted to
hear how his dad would react. He didn't think he'd be upset, but hearing he
wasn't wanted back, that would hurt.
Sherri punched in the number and stood, pacing out of the room as she said
"Hello. Alan?"
-=-=-=-
Jared had drunk too much coffee. For half an hour they'd listened to the
muffled sounds of Sherri's voice from the living room as she spoke to Jensen's
father. At times, Jared could sense the edge to her voice that meant she was
getting angry but it sounded like they both kept their tempers. When she
finally walked back into the kitchen she let out a long slow breath and sank
back down into her chair.
"Well." Sherri set the phone on the table.
"Well?" Jared looked from his Mom to Jensen and back.
"Jensen, your father was very worried about you and relieved to know you were
alright. Your mother. She's not budged from her original decision and doesn't
want to see you, doesn't want you there. I'm so sorry, Jensen - this kind of
thing, it shouldn't happen in families."
The words echoed through Jensen's mind and he felt tears prick at his eyes,
blinking rapidly to clear away the tears. "So. She won't let me back unless I
break up with Jared?" Jensen looked up at Sherri for conformation, heart
squeezing tightly in his chest. "What does that mean? What will I do? What
about my sister?" It was easy to feel the flutter of panic in his chest, the
fear of being with a family.
"Well, your father and I talked about that at length. If you chose to stay with
Jared - and..." she added quickly as both boys moved to speak, "I told him I
was certain there was no swaying you two. Alan is fine with you staying here
with us, if it's okay with me. I told him it was."
Jared's shoulders slumped. He wasn't sure if he was more sad that Jensen's mom
hadn't changed her mind or relieved that Jensen was going to be able to stay.
Either way, Jensen looked crestfallen. Sitting back Jared slid his arm over
Jensen's shoulders.
"He's going to meet you at the house this afternoon Jensen so you can get your
things. Give you some money. He says he has to be careful doing that.
Apparently, your father is worried that if he tries to change Donna's mind
things will blow up and he's worried about their marriage - about Mack's
security." Sherri sighed again.
"She does this." Jensen leaned against Jared, closing his eyes. "If she can't
have things perfect then she just, pushes them out of her life. We had this dog
when I was ten, and it wouldn't stop peeing on the carpet. I think it was
scared of her because it only did it when she was around. Then I came home one
day from school and it was gone. I just, didn't really think I was that easy to
dismiss." Jensen sucked in a quick breath, looked up at Sherri. "Can I keep my
car? Did he say?"
"Yes. Alan's going to keep paying for the car and your cell phone. He does want
to keep in touch with you Jensen. I believed him when he said that. He asked if
you would message Mack if he got her a cell phone. She's ... well, he said
she's very upset. He's going to pull her out of school today so she can see you
if that's alight with you?" Sherri smiled sadly at Jensen.
Jensen felt something bitter prick in his chest and he sighed, pushing up to
his feet. "Of course I'll see her. Thanks Sherri." He nodded and laid his hand
on Jared's shoulder for a moment, squeezing then stepping back. "I think I just
need a minute." Jensen hadn't expected his mom to change her mind, but somehow
he'd thought maybe his dad would magically fix things. It was terrifying to
realize that just like that, he was no longer a member of his family. His mom,
who he'd spent his whole life trying to please and be perfect for, the mom that
he loved was throwing him out of her life like he meant nothing.
He didn't really notice moving to Jared's room, suddenly just found himself
there, looking around the familiar room. It was Jared's space and Jensen was
going to crowd in on it, was going to take over every aspect of his life
because he had no other choice. He wondered if it would be obvious on his face
when he went back to school on Monday, obvious to all those people who didn't
care about him anymore that his mom had no interest in him. Jensen sighed
heavily and walked to Jared's side of the bed, slipping under the blanket and
curling into the familiar warmth and heat.
-=-=-=-
Jared spoke to his Mom for a while, giving his boyfriend a bit of time to soak
up everything that had been said. It couldn't be easy having to deal with a
family that wasn't willing to stick up for him at all. After about an hour,
Jared hugged his mom and headed down to his room with more questions than he
had answers. Stopping just outside the door he tapped lightly then opened it.
Jensen was just a lump under the covers on the bed and Jared sat down beside
him then stretched out to press up against his back.
"I don't understand." Jensen whispered, grabbing Jared's hand and wrapping it
over him. "God, I'm so confused. I mean, I'm so... crushed. My mom, she just
wants nothing to do with me. And that hurts so bad. Worse than all the other
stupid people who've written me off in the last few months. But then, I get to
be with you and I feel guilty feeling happy about that." Jensen sighed and
closed his eyes. "What's the limit of things a seventeen year old has to deal
with? Haven't I reached mine?"
Jared pressed his lips to the back of Jensen's neck. "I think you've had your
limit already. But - maybe - I dunno. Are you one of those people who believes
that things happen for a reason?" Scooting as close as he could, Jared wrapped
his arms tight.
"I guess." Jensen closed his eyes around the fresh wave of tears and twisted in
Jared's arms, burrowing his head in his boyfriend's neck. "Your mom doesn't
really mind right? I mean, I know she's really great and nice but she's not
going to regret having me here is she? Are you?" Jensen wanted to believe that
he belonged somewhere and here would be nice, at least he knew there would be
someone who loved him.
"I wish this hadn't happen to you Jensen but I'm so glad that I get to have you
here. It's like - kind of the perfect end to my school year." Jared smiled
sadly. It was strange to get happiness from such a nasty situation. "My Mom is
really upset about all this but she says you're welcome here as long as you
want to put up with us. She says you have the same rules as me. She also said I
have to tell you - that if you want your own room the guest room upstairs is
yours." Jared pressed his lips to the top of Jensen's head.
Pulling back slightly, Jensen watched Jared's face, trying to look for
something hidden there. "Do you want me to stay in here with you? I want to, a
lot, but I don't want to take over your space. I know how sometimes you need
your privacy. And I'm sure this will only work if we make choices about all
that stuff and, yeah." Jensen shrugged, laying his palm on Jared's jaw.
Smiling a little shyly, Jared looked down. "I had kind assumed you would stay
in here. Every morning I can wake up with you, you can wake me up. My Mom
really did make me promise to ask you if you wanted that room. I was thinking
about it. I can share my dresser and my closet. As long as you don't use my
iPod, or my headphones. Well, you can use my headphones sometimes. Maybe we
could get you some?" He looked up in time to see a half smile on his
boyfriend's face.
"I don't have an iPod, so I don't need headphones. I promise not to touch
them." Jensen laughed and shook his head, body warming slightly at the idea of
waking up every morning with Jared. On him, like they had been this morning.
"Will you come with me this afternoon? You could meet my dad and Mackenzie. And
I could use the help going through my stuff. I'm not sure how much time I'll
have." Jensen rested his forehead against Jared's, closing his eyes to calm
himself.
"Of course I will." Jared rubbed his hand slowly on Jensen's back, trying to
sooth away the remaining tension. "Jensen? Are you gonna be okay?"
"I think so." Jensen whispered and blinked up at his boyfriend. "You just, keep
going when things like this happen right? It's only November, I have to get
through the school year, I can't just give up on that. And, I mean, I'm scared
about a lot of things. But, I know you'll help me." Jensen half smiled and
pressed a small kiss to Jared's lips.
"I will, however I can. And, Jensen. I promise, I meant what I said about - if
something happens and you don't want to see me. Even then I won't stop being
your friend. Okay? I might need a little time to change...get my head around
it. But you're the best friend I ever had." Jared slid his hands up under
Jensen's shirt and pressed him close to his chest. "I don't ever want to lose
you."
"I can't imagine not wanting to see you." Jensen laughed softly and rolled onto
his back, tugging Jared over his body. "Wanna help me forget for a little
while? Until we have to go?" He spread his legs for Jared to fall between,
already finding the comfort in the real and solid touch.
Jared's hands moved automatically to slid up along Jensen's sides, shoving at
the material of his t-shirt. "Sure," he murmured. Slipping down slightly under
the covers he mouthed his way down Jensen's body, sucking at random patches of
skin and licking at the marks he left behind him. Jensen arched up into Jared's
touch almost immediately and for a little while - they both drifted away from
the harsh reality facing them.
-=-=-=-
Even though he was certain his mom wasn't going to be at the house, Jensen
still held his breath until they rounded the corner and her car was nowhere to
be seen. Even though it was the day after Thanksgiving, she was surely at work
and she wasn't likely to be home until after six. Jensen knew it was okay, but
his heart still felt heavy and he was relieved to have Jared at his side. They
didn't say anything as they pulled into the driveway, Jensen was pretty sure
this situation had to be just as nerve wracking for Jared.
For what was likely the last time, Jensen led Jared inside using his key in the
front door. Just inside the door he pulled the key from the ring, sliding it
between his palm and looking around the foyer. He had no idea when or if he'd
ever see this place again and that almost killed him. For a moment he leaned
into Jared's side before turning slightly and calling out for his dad and
sister.
"Jensen, hey." Alan came around the corner from his office, steps faltering for
a moment, lips twitching in a sad smile. "This must be Jared."
"Yeah, this is Jared." Jensen smiled over his shoulder at his boyfriend.
"Jared, my dad Alan."
Mackenzie was bolting down the stairs before Jared could say anything, nearly
running across the foyer and launching herself into Jensen's arms. Jensen's
heart felt impossibly tight at this, eyes pricking with tears as he buried his
nose into his little sister's hair. He could hear her muffled sob and he
swallowed, hard. "Oh Mack," he murmured, gently stroking her hair. "It's okay,
I promise you can still see me loads."
"It won't be the same." Mackenzie mumbled but she was an Ackles, and she was
old enough now for their mother's ways to have settled into her system, causing
her to pull back and wipe at her eyes, sniffing loudly to compose herself. For
whatever the reason it hurt Jensen even more. But it had always been that way,
you dealt with life's blows, sucked it up and kept moving on. That was the
Ackles way. "Dad said he'd get me a cell phone so we can stay in touch."
"Sounds good." Jensen nodded, fighting back his own tears and smiling softly at
her. "I was just introducing dad to Jared. So Mack, this is my boyfriend Jared.
And Jared, my sister Mack." He smiled once more back at Jared, stepping back
slightly to let Jared join them.
"Hi Mack," Jared smiled warmly. "I've heard an awful lot about you. And you
too, Sir." Jared held out his hand for Alan and shook it firmly. Stepping back
beside Jensen he slid his arm around his boyfriend's waist. He figured it
couldn’t hurt to show them that Jensen was his now.
"We've heard a lot about you too." Mackenzie insisted with a slow grin,
watching Jared. "You're not as cute as Jensen made you sound. No offense. So my
brother is going to live with you now? You'll take care of him right?"
"Mack," Jensen groaned, shaking his head and leaning a little firmer against
Jared. It was definitely nice to have him there as a support system.
"I promise, Mack. I really rather like taking care of Jensen." Jared looked
down, fingers rubbing gently against Jensen's shirt.
"And really, he's pretty much the cutest person alive." Jensen insisted and
laughed softly, surprised he could given the situation.
Alan cleared his throat, gaze drifting to the window by the door and back to
Jensen. "I have some stuff for you down here but why don't you go up to your
room first? Mack and I went out earlier and managed to find you some boxes. So,
take whatever you want or need okay? And we put some bags up there for your
clothes. Your mom doesn't know you're here, so, she probably won't be too
happy, you likely won't be allowed to come back. To get more things, I mean.
So-"
"Dad." Jensen's voice caught as he mumbled the word, staring at him with wide
eyes. Every time it was laid out like that Jensen could feel the heavy weight
in his stomach and he couldn't take much more. "Come on Jared, my room is up
here."
His fingers curled through Jared's as he led him up the stairs to his bedroom.
The door was closed, on the front was a little plaque that said his name. Each
of them had one, it was a thing of his mom's, and Jensen couldn't remember the
last time he'd actually looked at it before entering the room. It was just one
of those things that was always there. Now though, his fingers slid along the
edges and Jensen's breath hitched before he dropped his hand and twisted the
doorknob, letting he and Jared in.
Everything came with the distinct note of last. The last time he'd go in his
room, the last time he'd be in this house, Jensen crossed to his bed and slowly
sat because it was the last time he'd do that too. There was a picture of him
and Jared on the nightstand, Jensen had taken it on his phone awhile ago and it
was always something he'd liked looking at there in his room. Looking up at
Jared he sighed softly and shrugged, holding out the frame. "I think I'll take
most of my clothes. I don't have a lot of collectible things I want. And I
probably shouldn't take my computer, is it okay if I use yours?"
"Yeah, I don't mind - you can use whatever you want of mine." Jared sighed and
sank down on to the end of Jensen's bed. It was strange being in the room and
knowing that it was the last time they would be there. Somehow, it didn't seem
very fair.
"Look at this." Jensen pushed up to his feet, crossing the room in three quick
strides and pointing at the basketball trophies lined up on the shelf. "I've
been playing since I was a kid. And baseball too. Soccer when I was younger.
All these stupid trophies, and I never wanted one of them. I never wanted to
play these stupid sports." Jensen sighed heavily, fighting off the urge to take
the trophies and throw them out the window. He turned to Jared, blinking a few
times. "I've lived in this room for seventeen years but really, besides the
sign on the door, would you even know it was my room? Would you even guess
that?"
Jared looked around the room slowly. "No, I guess - you know Jensen. Things
have changed a lot for you in the past year. Maybe you're just starting to
figure out who you are? I don't always know who I am - although - I know what
makes me crazy." Jared smiled slightly and held out his hand. "I know who you
are. Don't need a room to show me that."
"Sometimes I don't think I know who I am." Jensen said softly and shrugged,
moving to his dresser to tug it open. "You want to start on the closet? I wear
pretty much everything in there, minus the stuff in the far sides. Bring the
hangers too because we'll need them." Jensen just wanted this to be done and he
worked in silence for awhile, emptying his drawers into large plastic bags,
sorting through things he'd never wear anymore, trying to minimize so he didn't
take up too much of Jared's space.
The more things he packed, the more he realized how very little he really had.
There were his school books, the files on the computer that they transferred
onto a flash drive, some random books and the CDs Jared had made for him.
Everything else was his families, all the movies and things downstairs, random
crap he'd never given much thought to until now. Dragging fingers along the
back of his neck, Jensen stared down at the two bags of closed and half full
box before looking up at Jared.
"I think that's it." He shrugged and turned, stepping into Jared's space and
wrapping his arms around him.
"I love you." Jared was at a total loss. He knew that Jensen was reeling with
the impact of moving all his stuff, his life coming down to bags and boxes but
Jared just didn't know what to say. "We'll start over. Okay? You and me... with
our stuff. Except my stereo." Jared rocked them back and forth slightly.
Jensen chuckled softly, closing his eyes for a moment as he leaned into Jared.
When he pulled back he smiled softly up at his boyfriend and nodded. "Yeah
okay. Everything but your stereo. That's all yours." Jensen's shoulders slumped
slightly and he wet his lips, looking around the room once more. "People are
going to know about this Jared. At school. Chris lives just a few houses down
and Mack and his sister are really good friends. He might already know. So, you
know. School and stuff is probably only going to get worse."
"Worse? I don't care." Jared shrugged as he met Jensen's gaze. "They'll be
jealous. Do you know how lucky I am to be living with you? It's like my lif has
jumped ahead to some really awesome part of my future. You've made my life so
much better - and now," he shrugged again, "now, maybe you gotta let me make it
better for you for a little while."
"I would really like that." Jensen smiled softly up at Jared. He knew no matter
what they said at school, no matter how fast the rumor spread, Jensen could
handle it. It wasn't any worse than it had been the past few months.
"Jen?" Mackenzie's voice was timid from the door and she smiled softly,
shrugging her shoulders. "Dad says he has all the things ready for you
downstairs."
"Okay. I think we're done here." Jensen said quietly in return and tried not to
flinch at how that sounded. "Think you can handle this bag?" Jensen offered it
to his sister.
"Of course." She nodded and stepped in to take the bag.
Jared followed her with the other bag and Jensen folded up the top of the box,
lifting it and carrying it down the stairs. His dad was waiting in his office,
Jensen thought of all the Sunday's he'd walked past the room and heard loud
music playing behind the closed doors. All so familiar, not his any longer.
"Dad?" Jensen leaned against the door frame, smiling briefly at him. "This is
the last of it."
"I'm so sorry son. I did try to talk to your mom about this, she just, well,
you know how she is." Alan sighed and stepped closer, offering him an envelope.
"Well, here's the paper work you need, for the car. Once you turn eighteen
we'll get it in your name okay? Your insurance will be covered until then as
well. And your phone will be paid for as long as I can. There's some money too,
I'll try to give you what I can."
Jensen stepped closer, setting the box down so he could grab the envelope. He
dropped it on top of the box and nodded. "Thanks. I appreciate you trying to, I
mean." Jensen sighed heavily and shrugged, hands sliding in his pockets and
out. "Dad? What about school? Who do I go to if I need advice? What happens
when I need my mom and she won't even -" Jensen caught on the word, breath
hitching.
"Oh Jensen." Alan sighed heavily and stepped closer, wrapping his arms around
Jensen in a tight hug. He held him close for a moment, stroking his hair.
"You'll always have me. You can call any time okay? I promise, I'm still here
for you, always."
It had to be enough for Jensen and he wanted to cling to his dad for a moment
longer but the man wasn't already pulling back. He'd never been an affectionate
person, Jensen had always gone to mom when he needed a hug. Hell, even a few
months ago when everything happened with Danneel and the fall out, Jensen had
spent a day curled against his mom on the couch watching ridiculous sappy
movies. It kept hitting him, how he'd never have these things again. "Will you
tell her I still love her? Even if I'm disgusting in her eyes?"
Alan's eyes softened and he nodded slowly. "She knows that Jensen. Just like
she loves you, always will. I can promise that."
"If you really love someone, you accept them for who they are." Jensen
whispered and wiped under his eyes before turning to reclaim his box. "Well. I
guess I'll see you, around or something."
There were a million other questions Jensen had, like what he was supposed to
do if he saw his mom out in public, or what he would do when Christmas came
next month and he had to try not to feel guilty crowding in on Jared's time
with his mom. Christmas. Jensen hadn't thought of it until that moment. Eyes
fluttering closed for a moment, Jensen sighed and turned, heading out of the
house with his box.
Jared and Mackenzie were talking by his car and Jensen smiled softly at the way
his sister bounced at Jared's feet, looking impossibly small compared to his
height. "Mack, please try not to scare my boyfriend." Jensen muttered as he
slid the box into the trunk.
"I was just telling Jared about the time you ran out of the bathroom screaming
because of the really big spider in the tub." Mackenzie laughed and looked back
at Jared. "So he's scared of spiders, you'll have to kill them even if they're
actually tiny. And he cries at chick flicks. And he makes really good grilled
cheeses so take advantage of that. Um, and, he gets really hyper if you give
him three cans of coke and a chocolate bar, he'll probably do anything you want
after that."
Jared raised an eyebrow. "I'll keep that in mind. Mack. It's been a pleasure."
Jared laughed softly and pulled the door open, climbing in to give Jensen a
moment with his sister.
"Take care of yourself kid." Jensen whispered, pulling her close to squeeze her
tight. "Don't let her control your life. It's going to be hard but, please, for
me, do what you can to be true to yourself okay?"
"Don't forget about me." Mackenzie blinked up at him as she stepped back,
punching his chest lightly. "I want lots of calls and texts okay?"
"Promise." Jensen nodded and looked down the street at the sound of a door
closing. He knew that car, and his head shook slightly, looking back at his
sister. "Love you."
"Love you too." Mackenzie smiled and hugged him once more before stepping away.
"I'll talk to you soon."
"Definitely." Jensen smiled and pulled the door open, ruffling her hair once
more before sliding behind the wheel and pulling the door shut behind him. He
glanced at Jared and pointed out the window. "Chris' car. Ah, the joys of
life." His lips twitched for a moment because, by this point, Jensen was a bit
numb to all the blows. "I want to get your mom some flowers on the way home.
Should we get ice cream too?"
"Sure, we can have it for dessert after our grilled cheese sandwiches. I've
heard you make a mean one." Jared smiled slightly and sighed. "Can we make a
stop on the way home? The hardware store? I need to get some washers for my
closet door." Jared's brow furrowed as he looked up the street at Chris' car.
"What are you doing to your closet door?" Jensen asked with a soft laugh,
backing out of the driveway and taking the long way out of the neighborhood so
they didn't have to drive past Chris' house. Usually he didn't worry about it
but he'd rather not now.
"I gotta. Fix it. It's kinda broken." Jared shrugged and flashed a crooked grin
at Jensen. It was definitely time to start making Jensen feel better; if that
were even possible.
"It's broken?" Jensen eyed him, snorting softly. "I'm not sure I even want to
know how you broke your closet." He reached out for Jared's hand, ready to let
the past fall behind him, move on, find the good things in life. Namely living
with Jared. That was certainly a good thing.
-=-=-=-
It took them a while to get home. Jared got quite distracted by the flowers at
the florists, then he got distracted at the hardware store. He was trying to
keep his purchase a secret from Jensen and it was pretty tricky seeing as
Jensen came in with him. In the end, Jared sneaked off and wove up and down the
aisles till he lost Jensen and was able to get what he wanted. The ice cream
store took a while. They tried about ten flavours before settling on maple.
By the time they were in the driveway and hauling boxes out of the car,
Jensen's mood seemed to have lifted a little. Jared couldn't help smiling when
he held out both fists toward his boyfriend. "Pick one."
"You didn't buy a fake plastic spider at some point did you?" Jensen looked up
at his boyfriend, grinning a little wider. "Because I know my sister looked
amusing when she told that story but I really am quite - um. Anyway. That one."
Jensen taped Jared's right hand with his index finger, stepping back just in
case.
Laughing, Jared stepped closer and opened his hand. "You picked good." He held
out the key that was lying on his palm. "A key for home. Your home." He
shrugged, suddenly feeling like maybe it was foolish to be excited about giving
Jensen a key. "Our home."
"A key." Jensen whispered and reached out for it, feeling the ache in his chest
dim just a little more. His eyes lifted to Jared and he smiled, stepping in to
wrap his arms around him. "Thank you. It's like I know for sure I belong
somewhere." Jensen laughed quietly as he stepped back an inch, scrunching his
face up. "What's in the other hand?"
Jared opened his palm to show that there was nothing there. "Not a thing. Guess
it's fate." Feeling quite pleased with himself, he picked up a box and headed
toward the house.
"Must be." Jensen murmured, sliding the key onto the previously vacant ring
before moving to grab his bags of clothes. He set them just inside the door
before heading back out for the ice cream and the flowers. Sherri hadn't left
yet for work and Jensen found her in the kitchen, his steps faltering slightly.
He'd have to get used to being normal around her, but then it would probably
take him awhile to believe she was really completely okay with him being here.
"Hi. Um. Jared helped me pick these out for you. I just wanted to say thanks."
Jensen offered the flowers, sliding the ice cream onto the counter.
"Oh, Jensen - they're beautiful!" Sherri grabbed the flowers and stuck her face
in them breathing in deeply.
Jared laughed.
Sherri peered at the boys over the top of the flowers then set them down behind
her on the counter and opened her arms to Jensen. "Do you hug? I hug."
Jared laughed again and shrugged when Jensen glanced at him. "She's ruthless.
It's probably best to give in."
Sherri narrowed her eyes playfully and made come here motions with her fingers.
Smiling slightly Jensen stepped forward and into the woman's arms, wrapping his
own around her. She smelled just like soap, likely not wearing perfume because
of work and she hugged like a mom should. Jensen fought of a momentary wave of
tears, pushing them back as she squeezed him for a long time before stepping
back. He smiled and slid back to Jared's side, bumping their shoulders
together. "I promised I'd make Jared grilled cheese for dinner."
"Mack says he makes a mean grilled cheese. And that if I give him cokes and
chocolate he'll do anything for me. But you probably didn't need to know that."
Jared had the decency to blush and turned quickly to grab the ice cream. "I'll
just. Put this away."
Jensen choked on a laugh and shook his head. "Ah, leave it to my boyfriend to
make what should have been an innocent statement something, um. Wow. I think
he's rubbing off on me." Jensen's eyes widened and he slapped his palm against
his eyes. "Oh god. I need to think before I speak. My brain is too overloaded
for any type of civil conversation. I'm taking my things downstairs to put
away." Jensen hurried out of the kitchen, fairly sure both Sherri and Jared
were laughing.
-=-=-=-
"Who's this?" Jensen asked quietly, shifting his leg until it pressed flat
against Jared's. They were fed, things unpacked, now laying on Jared's bed
listening to music and staring up at the ceiling. He'd asked this question so
many times it was almost second nature to form the words and Jensen smiled
slightly as Jared's fingers lightly traced his palm.
"Darren Hayes. Learn to love him - he's like a gay icon. Well, okay you're not
gay so maybe you get a pass on that. But I love him. In a purely platonically
musical way." Jared turned his head so he could study Jensen's profile. "You
know what? We should get those glow-in-the-dark stars and put them on the
ceiling. What do you think?" Rolling onto his side, Jared tugged Jensen's arm
up so he could nestled against his side.
"That would be cool." Jensen smiled and curled his arm tight around Jared's
shoulders, fingers rubbing softly over his arm. "I'm completely gay when it
comes to you, by the way." Jensen laughed softly and tilted his head enough to
stare down at his boyfriend. "Do you think over the Christmas break, if it's
okay, you might come with me to LA to see my brother and my niece? I've only
seen her once, and well, I still have to talk to him, tell him what's happened.
But I think he'll be okay with it." Jensen was holding out hope for that,
suddenly having a better understanding why Josh would cut himself off from
their family.
"Yeah, sure. Can we be here for Christmas dinner though? My Mom got time off
work so she could spend it with us." Jared smiled and stretched up to kiss
Jensen's bottom lip. "We usually have a turkey and a ham 'cause I don't like
making decisions. Mom says you choose dessert." Jared and his Mom had put a lot
of thought into ways they could make Jensen feel welcome.
"Pie." Jensen answered easily and grinned. "Of any variety. And yeah, I figured
we could go see him after Christmas, no special day or anything. But I'll call
him and see." Jensen hand slid up through Jared's hair, pulling him up again so
their lips could meet once more. They kissed softly for a moment before he fell
back, relieved it came so easily to smile. "I want to get your mom a Christmas
present. You'll have to help me pick out something. And tell me what to get you
too."
"I pretty much got what I wanted already. I wanted you." Jared's expression
softened, then became almost serious for a few moments. "Jensen. You kinda -
well - don't laugh. Okay? But you made the world a bigger place for me, like
more colourful and happier. There were all these things out there that I never
noticed before - or was too scared to see and now - I guess. I dunno, maybe
it's dumb but I feel like I can do more things when I'm with you." Jared's lips
brushed Jensen's again. "I hope you know what a gift that is."
Jensen's heart fluttered at the words, a slow grin tugging at his lips. "I
guess we both helped each other then. I seriously had no idea how I was going
to make it through this year until we met. You make it all, everything,
easier." He laughed softly and shook his head. "And we're so sappy it's making
my teeth hurt." Jensen pulled Jared close so their lips could meet again.
Kissing Jared never got old. "Promise we'll stay make out for hours?"
"I promise." That was the easiest promise that Jared had ever made. "So, my
mom's gone." Jared's tongue slipped past his lips and trailed along Jensen's.
"Mm, that means I can be loud." Jensen hummed happily and fell into the kiss,
deepening it by catching Jared's tongue and pushing forward.
Rolling on top of his boyfriend, Jensen let his legs fall to either side of
Jared's body, hands running down between them. He already loved this next step
in their physical relationship, loved every moment he could feel Jared's body
against his. The music seemed to drift over them as he pulled back from the
kiss and tugged Jared's shirt off, throwing it across the room before slipping
out of his own. "I want to make you feel good," he whispered against Jared's
lips, kissing down to suck along his neck, marking him.
Jared's eyes drifted closed and he tilted his head back, encouraging his
boyfriend. "Love that," he murmured. Just moment Jensen had been lying across
him and Jared could already feel his cock aching, full and heavy under Jensen's
weight. "You're ... you're good at this, making me feel good." All the tension
of the day felt like it was seeping out of Jared's body, one kiss at a time.
"Must come naturally." Jensen murmured and slid back, pulling at Jared's boxers
and crawling back until he could send them to join their shirts across the
room. He hovered over his boyfriend's body for a minute, taking in all the
amazingness that was Jared beneath him. "I want to do all these things with
you. I don't even really know where to begin." He grinned and pushed back,
falling to the other side of the mattress so he could shove out of his boxers.
"Things?" Jared's voice was deep, his eyes heavy-lidded. "What kinds of
things?" Of course, there were so many things he had thought of doing with
Jensen but everything went right out of his head when they were there together.
It all became about Jensen's lips, the heat of his palms, the way their bodies
pressed together. "Tell me," Jared said.
"Not sure how to explain them." Jensen whispered and slid back over him. Their
cocks grazed together and Jensen moaned, rocking softly down into him. "This,
definitely good. I want to taste every inch of you. And I want to... make love
to you? Does that sound weird?" He didn't want to use the word fuck because he
remembered how Jared had said it before, and he didn't want to take them back
to that time.
"No...I mean, yes." Heat swelled in Jared's body and he shuddered slightly,
tongue grazing over his lips. "I want that. When you're ready." Sending his
hands back down Jensen's body, Jared curled his fingers into his boyfriend's
ass. The way they ground together was so intense Jared suddenly found himself
listening to the sound of his own moan. "God," he murmured, pulling Jensen's
hips along his.
"Soon." Jensen murmured, trailing off in a moan as his hips rocked down into
Jared's. He wanted to explore this for awhile, learn all the ways their skin
slid together and how that could send pleasure along his spine. "God, this is
so -" Jensen's eyes fluttered, dropping down on Jared's chest, elbows digging
into the mattress on either side of him, hands up into his hair. Their lips met
again, kiss instantly deepening as he rolled his body against his boyfriend's.
Moaning loudly, Jared pushed up with his hands and sat up taking Jensen with
him. There was something crazy intoxicating about having Jensen on his lap,
their cocks trapped in the heat between their bodies. All Jared could hear was
the gentle sound of Jensen's breathing, his soft moans. Slipping his hands
under Jensen's ass, Jared licked his lips and leaned forward to ghost their
lips together.
Wrapping his legs around Jared's body, Jensen gasped and ran his hands down his
boyfriend's back. "I really like," he moaned softly and slid his body forward,
continually rocking to keep up the friction and intensity. "Being like this."
Jensen could feel Jared's hands tightening on his ass, skin burning at the
feel. "Maybe -" Jensen murmured and licked his way back into Jared's mouth,
sweeping his tongue along the inside of his boyfriend's mouth.
"Mhmm," Jared sucked hard on Jensen's tongue, lashes fluttering closed. He
couldn't stop moving his hands, dragging his palms along Jensen's thighs, back
again to cup his ass. Every time they moved, each roll forward of their hips
slid their cocks together and sent more heat flooding through Jared's body.
Sucking air in frantically in between kisses Jared was sure he could feel
Jensen's heart beat against his own chest. "I want you," he murmured.
A shudder slid down Jensen's spine and he arched forward, seeking out more heat
and friction. "Want me how?" he whispered, moaning even louder as his cock slid
against his boyfriend's. Jensen squeezed his legs tighter around Jared,
shifting against his boyfriend's hands. "Jared," Jensen moaned low in his
throat and once more claimed Jared's mouth, savoring the way Jared so eagerly
met his lips.
It was intense. It was so intense that Jared was already panting, sucking in
Jensen's breath just as he exhaled. "I want -" he shivered with need, desire
twisting inside him. Shaking his head, Jared pulled back slightly so his eyes
could lock with Jensen's. "Doesn't have to be now. I just. Just...I think I
want to be inside you." Just saying it sent more shivers of sensation
skittering down Jared's spine. "Like this," his arms cinched tighter and he
moaned as their cocks slid together, hot and smooth. There were so many
thoughts spinning in Jared's mind, his body shifting restlessly - constantly
trying to get closer.
"Yeah. Yes. Definitely." Jensen crushed his lips to Jared's once more to hide
the way he moaned from the thought alone. He'd been thinking about it, there
was no denying it, and part of him thought he could come just from the idea of
feeling Jared in him. Sensation prickled along his senses and Jensen never knew
you could get so overloaded just by the feel of flesh moving together. This
though, was so far beyond amazing and he was already so close it was driving
him crazy. "Jared, need to," he gasped against Jared's mouth, losing himself in
the friction, the wide warm spread of Jared's hands on his ass, the way it felt
like every inch of them was as connected as it could be.
Sliding his fingers along the cleft of Jensen's ass, Jared thrust his tongue
forward. Every fibre of his being wanted to just claim Jensen. Take him back
from all the sorrow and tension he'd been dealing with for the past few days.
His free hand slid down between them and he circled long fingers around both
their shafts, stroking slowly, teasing more of those gravelly moans from
Jensen's throat.
Head falling back Jensen moaned loudly, relieved not to need to hold it back.
Everything bubbled up him, the way Jared's lips attached to his neck, the
fingers sliding teasingly along his ass, Jared's hand stroking them both and
pressing them together. He couldn't keep still, constantly squirming on Jared's
thighs and it felt surreal, delicious to just let go of everything and lose
himself in the sensations. Hips jerking up into the touch, Jensen sucked in a
breath and his orgasm hit, tearing through him with a blinding intensity he
wasn't accustomed too.
What little control Jared had left fled the instant Jensen's come splattered
hot and slick between them. His orgasm hit moments after his boyfriend's and
Jared's rhythm faltered for a few moments as he held his breath. Feeling Jensen
come apart like that - watching his boyfriend's flushed face dissolve into an
expression of pure pleasure made Jared's heart thump even more wildly. Stroking
them both through the twitching and pulsing of their cocks, Jared sucked and
licked at Jensen's mouth.
As their kiss gradually cooled, Jensen melted against his boyfriend's chest,
not caring about the still lingering slick heat pressing between their skin.
"God," he whispered, lips inches from his boyfriend's. "One of these days, I'll
have some sort of stamina." Jensen laughed softly, arms falling loosely around
Jared's shoulders. "Guess just, hearing you say that. Kind of got to me."
"Kinda blurted it out," Jared said huskily. "I just, God, I never wanted that
before but you're so ... you're just - I want all of you." Jared ducked his
head forward, cheek rubbing against Jensen's.
"I want it." Jensen murmured, squeezing Jared once more with his legs. "May
have thought about it a time or two before. So, maybe we'll switch up or
something. Who knows. Maybe I'm just a crazy bottom and didn't realize it."
Jensen laughed softly and slumped against Jared's chest once more. "God I love
you."
Jared let his hands make their way up Jensen's body to slide through his hair.
"Me too," he murmured.
***** Chapter 6 *****
No part of Jensen was looking forward to school starting up again on Monday. He
was fairly sure Chris had already told everyone what he saw, or thought he saw,
or maybe what his little sister had told Chris's. Jensen had spent most of the
weekend distracting himself from that idea, learning more about Jared in a
physical sense and enjoying every minute of it. Jared could tell he was nervous
about it Jensen knew, especially since he stayed by Jensen's side for as long
as possible until the first bell rang.
No one said anything to him or looked at him any differently than they had in
the past few months. Most people had laid off the curious and obviously gossip
driven looks, now Jensen was just part of the background, once the most popular
kid in school, now just another face in the crowd. The next test was Science
and though Chris gave him a knowing look, Danneel didn't even glance his way
and something sparked in Jensen's mind. Like maybe Chris hadn't found out what
happened, or, for whatever the reason, maybe he hadn't told anyone else. So it
was with mild relief that he joined Jared at the back table in the Science
room.
It came naturally to smile at his boyfriend, scooting their chairs closer
together and sitting with their legs pressed knee to foot. This was a little
bright spot in Jensen's day, a time he knew that he was safe with Jared at his
side.
The rest of the day seemed to pass uneventfully and Jensen was just beginning
to think that maybe Chris knew nothing at all when the boy found him in the
library. Jared had a seventh period class, making up for credit exchange when
he'd first come to the school, so Jensen had decided to wait around since they
would now be going to the same place after school. Jensen was supposed to be
working on his homework but he'd gotten distracted by thinking about his
boyfriend.
So he didn't notice Chris until the boy dropped in the chair across from him,
elbows sliding up on the table. Instinctively Jensen's shoulders tensed and he
slid back a few inches from the table, steeling himself for what he knew was
probably to come.
"My sister had Mack over yesterday." Chris said quietly and Jensen still knew
him well enough to tell he was nervous.
Jensen blinked in confusion, head tilting slightly to the side. "So?"
"I saw you, the other day, with Jared and the boxes." Chris shrugged, narrowing
his eyes slightly. "Then Mack said your mom kicked you out. And that you live
at Jared's now."
Jensen was waiting for the punch line, so to speak. Any minute Chris was going
to tell him why he hadn't said anything to anyone else and when the rumor was
going to hit the presses, when he'd have to deal with the aftermath. "It's not
really any of your business," he said quietly, defensively.
"Dude, don't -" Chris sighed heavily, dragging a hand through his hair and
groaning. "Look, I'm just trying to talk to you about it because I still know
you despite all the shit that happened and your family is like, everything to
you. So, figured you've gotta be fucking freaking out about this whole thing."
Parts of Jensen were still decidedly suspicious but he'd always been a bit more
forgiving than he maybe should be so he scooted closer to the table and
shrugged. "Not completely freaking. Jared has been really great, helping me
through things. And Sherri, his mom, she's been great too. They help." If Chris
wanted to be civil and have this conversation, Jensen was okay with that but he
wasn't going to not talk about Jared just for his once best friend's sake. "I
don't think I would have made it through this past weekend if I didn't have
Jared by my side."
Chris pressed his lips together, fingers dragging along the table between them.
"So what happened? Mack didn't really say everything."
"It's, just -" Jensen hadn't anticipated having to explain this to anyone but
he figured it wouldn't hurt to talk about it again. So he let loose, telling
Chris every little detail about the last weekend. It was surprisingly hard to
explain all the little details, filling in spaces and gaps when Chris just
looked blankly at him for a moment. But the kid kept sitting there and didn't
seem to have intentions to cut him off so he said it all.
By the time he'd finished, Jensen felt slightly breathless and a little more
than ridiculous. Chris probably didn't want to hear all the details, he
probably didn't even care, and maybe he was even recording this conversation to
laugh at later with his friends. It kind of hurt to realize he couldn't trust
Chris. "Look, there's one more thing, while you're sitting here and listening
to me, for whatever the reason. About that night -"
"No. I don't want to hear about this." Chris held up his hand, shaking his head
roughly. "I know what happened, I don't want to discuss it. Just wanted to make
sure you were okay."
"You don't know what happened." Jensen dropped his hand too roughly on the
table top, flinching when the librarian snapped at them to quiet down. "Look,
just hear me out. Just this once. Let me say this because it's going to bother
me for the rest of my life if I don't get to explain it to you and Danneel."
Chris spent a while considering it, tapping his fingers on the table before he
finally sighed and waved his hand. "Fine. Go ahead."
"I was drunk." Jensen began quickly, wanting to get it all out before he had a
chance. "That's not my excuse. It's just, the qualifier or something. I was
really, really drunk and it was so loud so I went into the room to sit down,
just to take a breather. Then, then he came in and I didn't even know what was
happening until he was kissing me. He just, pushed his way into my space and,
god Chris. If you and Danneel hadn't come in he might have raped me or
something. So you saw the wrong thing, you guys just assumed and you never gave
me the chance to explain. It was never what it looked like."
Chris stared at him, eyes slightly wide, shoulders tense and stiff. "You...
you're serious? But you're with Jared now. That's, god Jensen how do you think
that looks?"
"I'm with Jared because I love him." Jensen sighed, shaking his head. "He and I
became friends because he gave me a chance. We became more because we got to
know each other and yeah, okay, I've always been a little curious about the
being with a guy thing, but I would never cheat on someone. Jesus Chris, you
used to be my best friend. You should have known this. How could you think I'd
even do something like that?"
For the first time since everything happened, Chris actually looked guilty.
Jensen didn't want him to be guilty for anything, that was ridiculous. All of
this was over and done with and minus a few complications here and there,
Jensen was ridiculously happy. "Jen, I- I should have given you the chance.
Just, when we saw that, Danneel was freaking out and I don't know, what the
hell was I supposed to think?"
"I know." Jensen nodded, he probably didn't know but he would rather not go
down this path. "Really though, I kind of owe you. I mean, if you two hadn't
done whatever, kicked me out of the in group, I never would have gotten close
to Jared. And that's just, too horrible to think about. So." Jensen shrugged.
"I want to explain this to Danneel. I want to. So don't tell her okay? Let me
explain it to her? I don't want her to spend the rest of her life hating me and
being scared to trust others."
"Yeah, okay. I'll try and get her to talk to you. Can't make any promises
though." Chris shrugged and pushed up to his feet. "I'm sorry about your family
man, I know, well. If you ever want to talk about it. I don't want to- look, we
can't ever really be friends like before, I get that. I said a lot of stupid
shit that you didn't deserve I guess. So, I hope you can forgive me for that.
Maybe we can be friends again one day."
Jensen stood, laughing softy and walking around the table. Chris was not the
kind of person you hugged, Jensen couldn't remember ever hugging him in the
past. Now though, he did, wrapping his arms tight around him and pulling him
close. He was pleasantly surprised when Chris's arms came up around him and he
closed his eyes, sighing in relief. "You'll always be my friend dude. Even if
you're an asshole."
"Man, I'm sorry." Chris laughed and squeezed Jensen, making him think for the
first time that maybe Chris missed his friendship just as much.
When Jensen opened his eyes Jared was there, watching them with a slight head
tilt, the suggestion of maybe a smirk on his lips. It had to look pretty weird.
Jensen pulled back and reached out for him, smiling brighter. "Chris, I don't
think you've ever really properly met my boyfriend Jared."
Chris blinked up at Jared, nodding once and stuffing his hands in his pockets.
"Hey."
Jared had a crooked grin on his face as he slipped his hand into Jensen's. "Hi
Chris. It's nice to finally meet you."
"Yeah." Chris nodded and snorted when Jensen's eyebrows lifted. "Nice to meet
you too. Finally. Whatever. So look Jen, I won't tell anyone about the family
thing okay? And maybe you can talk to Danneel soon, she definitely has some uh,
trust issues."
"Are you two really dating?" Jensen couldn't help asking, not jealous at all
but the idea seemed a little, ridiculous.
"No. We fooled around for awhile but just, it was too weird. You and her were
together forever." Chris shrugged and stepped back. "See you guys around."
Jensen laughed softly, knowing Chris was probably at his overload for emotional
moments. He watched the boy go before looking up at Jared, smiling softly.
"Well, that was all very interesting."
"You okay? What...uh, what happened?" Jared made the assumption things had gone
relatively well but he was pretty curious.
"I guess he saw us last week and the moving out thing, then he talked to Mack
about it. He wanted to see if I was okay, which was admittedly surprising. Then
I got the chance to tell him the truth about that night." Jensen smiled and
stepped into Jared's body, laying his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. "It
feels good to get that off my chest."
"I bet it does. God, Jensen. Wow, this is. That's really great." Jared shifted
back a little, looking down at his hands. "You gonna. You think you'll maybe
hang out with him? With them - again?" Jared knew that Jensen loved him but
there was always that part of him that was insecure; waiting for the bottom to
fall out from under him.
"Hmm. No." Jensen reaching up to touch Jared's jaw, smiling softer. "See, I've
got this new best friend, and he's also my boyfriend, and even though we live
together I'm kind of stupidly attached to him and the school day would just be
too long if I didn't cling to him every moment I could. Plus, I can't go back
to that life style, can't make fun of people and all that stuff. And I won't
ask them to change. I think it was time for me to move on." Jensen stepped
closer once more, reassuring Jared wasn't an issue, he was already confident of
his choice.
"I want you to be happy. I really do." Jared smiled as he looked up, bottom lip
caught between his teeth. It did make him feel better because the idea of
living without Jared was too crushing to even contemplate.
"I am happy." Jensen insisted, threading his fingers through Jared's and
pulling them toward the door of the library. "I'll be even happier when school
is over for the semester and we have some free time." There was the chance he
was counting down the few short weeks to winter break. Even if it meant finals
first. "And I'm ready to go home, how about you?"
"Yeah, sure. My batteries dead." Jared smiled when Jensen looked at him with a
puzzled expression on his face. "iPod," he added. He had to wonder if this was
going to make things better for Jensen. Chris was his best friend for years and
it must have been like getting back a huge part of his life if their friendship
could be salvaged.
Jared fell into step easily beside his boyfriend. "I would have punched him,
you know. If he hurt you."
Jensen laughed softly and nodded, bumping his shoulder into Jared's. "Yeah,
there's no doubt in my mind about that. I know you've got my back." He grinned
up at his boyfriend and pushed the front door of the school open, leading Jared
outside. "Maybe he waited to find me for that reason. You probably scare the
crap out of him or something. My knight in shining armor." Jensen tugged his
keys from his pocket, still laughing low in his throat.
"M'not that scary." Jared shrugged but Jensen's laughed warmed him. As soon as
the doors were unlocked he slipped into the front seat. "Guess you better spend
this evening - you know - reassuring me." Jared couldn’t help the grin that was
slowly spreading across his cheeks.
Eyebrows lifting, Jensen grinned back and reached out to pull Jared close so
their lips met. "You bet I will." He deepened the kiss for a long moment before
pulling back, still grinning and turning to start up the car.
-=-=-=-
Jensen had never been more glad that Jared's mom worked nights. Before he used
to feel kind of sad for Jared, whenever he had to go and knew the boy would be
home the rest of the night alone. Now though, with Jared's lips mapping a path
down his chest, Jensen was anything but sad. "Jared," he gasped, pushing him up
for a moment so he could clamber off the bed and hurry to his backpack.
Dipping down he searched inside for a moment before grasping the item and
heading back to the bed. The air of the room was cool against his overheated
skin and Jensen shivered as he climbed back onto the bed, pressing up against
Jared's side. He smiled up at him before laying the bottle in his hand against
Jared's chest, dipping in to suck a kiss along his collar bone.
Jared hummed softly, feeling the cool air wafting over him as Jensen returned.
"What's this?" His fingers curled round the bottle and held it up. "Oh." He
sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, heat already flaring. "What do you?" He
sighed and shook his head, rolling onto his side to meld their bodies together.
"Do you want to? Are you ready for that?" Jensen shifted into him, wetting his
lips slowly. "I'm ready." He slid his fingers down Jared's side, caressing his
skin slowly, lips sliding across Jared's.
Sucking in a sharp breath, Jared curled his fingers round Jensen's neck and
deepened the kiss for a few moments. He was panting softly when he finally
pulled back. His voice was husky when he managed to speak. "What did you have
in mind?"
Jared had thought of so many possible situations. There were days when he
couldn't keep his mind off Jensen; touching him, the way he moved, the smile
that tugged at his boyfriend's lips. This felt pretty big, like a new step.
"I want you to..." Jensen sucked Jared's bottom lip between his teeth, pulling
it out slowly, tongue sliding across the silky flesh slowly. "I want you in me.
Like, before, like what you said. Yeah?" He slid back a few inches, blinking at
Jared and rocking his body forward.
Jared's hands were suddenly shaking as they slid down Jensen's body. Blowing
out a long, slow breath he sat up, leaning back against the headboard and
reaching down to pull Jensen up, encouraging his boyfriend to slid onto his
lap. There were so many things he loved about Jensen; more specifically loved
about touching Jensen. But, having his boyfriend straddling him, his weight
pressing him down into the bed was the best kind of intense that Jared had ever
experienced. His hand slid quickly to cup Jensen's ass, pulling him closer.
"You sure?" Jared's voice was barely above a whisper.
"Absolutely." Jensen murmured, moaning softly as his ass slid along Jared's
thighs, cocks brushing together as he moved closer. "You, you'll um, prepare
me?" Jensen had previously considered touching himself like that, just to see
what it felt like, but some ridiculous part of him wanted Jared to be the first
to touch there. "I've never," he shrugged and cut himself off by crushing his
lips against his boyfriend's, thrusting his tongue forward.
Jared felt like he was going to fall apart, right then. His mouth crushed
against Jensen's sent heat burning down his body and Jared grabbed at Jensen's
hair roughly; holding him there, moving him, sliding their mouths together
firmly. Heart pounding he felt around for the lube that had fallen to the bed.
His hands couldn't seem to be enough places on Jensen's flesh, his skin was so
warm, his body so responsive. Jared shivered with pleasure, finally managing to
get the bottle open and some lube onto his fingers.
Sliding his arm round his boyfriend Jared pulled back from the kiss long enough
to murmur, "Kneel up."
The pound of Jensen's heart felt hard against his chest, already like it was
trying to break out of his ribcage and Jared hadn't even touched him there yet.
"Jesus." He almost hissed the word as his skin slid against Jared's, knees
working into the mattress until he could press up. His cock was trapped against
Jared's chest, Jensen leaning forward slightly to give his boyfriend more
access. Anticipation sparked across his senses and Jensen curled his fingers
over the headboard to keep himself steady.
Jared's lips found Jensen's collar bone and he bit down, tongue glancing across
the flesh. Sliding his hand down he cupped Jensen's balls briefly then moved
his slick fingers further back, seeking the puckered entrance. He felt Jensen
suck in a gasp of air as his finger bumped over the ridged opening. "God,
you're making me crazy," Jared groaned out. It was everything, the way Jensen's
body was writing against him, the press of his boyfriend's cock so hard and hot
against Jared's chest.
"M-me?" Jensen moaned and rocked back into the touch, shuddering at the barely
there feel of Jared's finger. "You, you're making me..." He couldn't get any
more words out, it was all a tangle in his mind as his hips sought purchase
forward and back, seeking the next burst of pleasure to spin his mind out of
control. He'd never wanted so badly and waiting felt like it might make him
insane.
Jared pressed his finger against Jensen's entrance, teasing, pressing and
pulling back. God he wanted Jensen to need it; he wanted to make it the hottest
thing his boyfriend had ever experienced. When Jensen let out a loud moan, his
hand slipping off the headboard to land hard on Jared's shoulder - Jared pushed
his finger forward. The tight ring of muscle clenched around the end of his
finger and Jared sucked hard on Jensen's flesh; he could feel the blood warming
the skin under his lips and pulled back to see the dark mark on his boyfriend's
chest.
The slight burn was unexpected but it faded quickly enough under the rippling
waves of pleasure sent by Jared's mouth on his skin. Jensen's hand on Jared's
shoulder tightened slightly, eyes closed as he rocked back against the
intrusion. He could feel Jared's finger sliding slowly up in him and it was so
much better than he'd imagined, a long moan rocked through him. "God - Jared.
More." He wanted to feel it all, lose himself in the sensations, and just the
idea of Jared claiming him made everything burn brighter.
Another slick finger pressed into Jensen and Jared shifted restlessly. Sucking
in a deep breath he wrapped his free arm round his boyfriend and pulled him
close. Jensen's cock was trapped, pressing against Jared's chest and he could
feel the trail of pre-come on his own skin. He mouthed and licked his way
across Jensen's chest as he thrust two fingers into his boyfriend's ass.
Jensen's hips were rolling, small circles as he ground his cock against Jared's
chest. "Jesus," Jared growled softly.
It was almost too much, the hint of burning with the stretch, the way his cock
slid along Jared's skin, and Jensen had to think of something unpleasant to
keep himself from coming right then. His body stilled for a moment, relaxing
into the new sensations, then he rocked back onto Jared's fingers once more.
"Fuck Jared, want you in me." Jensen slid his hand along Jared's shoulder,
cupping his neck and squeezing before tangling up in his hair, hips in constant
motion for more.
Jared spread his fingers apart, watching Jensen's face as pleasure drifted
across his features. His boyfriend's cheeks were flushed red, his lips wet and
shining in the dim light from the window. Jensen was gorgeous; Jared had known
it before but like this, like this Jensen was about the most amazing thing
Jared had ever seen. He slid a third finger inside his boyfriend, the heat of
it - the clench sending shockwaves down Jared's body. "God, I want you," he
murmured. Voice thick and rich with lust Jared bit down hard on Jensen's
shoulder as he thrust his fingers up.
The words sent a shudder of pleasure through Jensen and he was pretty sure his
shoulders were shaking. He moaned his boyfriend's name, staring down into his
hungry eyes and shuddering all over again. His hips rocked down against Jared's
fingers, the lingering burn vanishing in the wake of sensation. "Ready," Jensen
murmured, bending his body down and pushing at Jared until he could brush their
lips together. Jared's fingers stretched in him, pushing further up and Jensen
practically growled when the tips of Jared's fingers ran along the sensitive
bundle of nerves, making his body nearly convulse.
"Oh god..." Jared had never thought before that he could come just from
watching someone. But Jensen. God.
Shivering with pleasure, Jared withdrew his fingers and picked up the bottle of
lube again. Biting down hard on his bottom lip he gazed up a Jensen for a few
moments as he worked some lube over his own aching flesh. His eyes closed as he
stroked over the over-sensitive skin of his cock and he moaned softly. Pushing
his rigid flesh back, he groaned softly as the head of his cock slid over
Jensen's balls and slid against his opening. Sucking in a shuddering breath
Jared stretched up to suck kisses along Jensen's bottom lip as he eased his
boyfriend down onto the head of his cock.
This stretch was different and Jensen felt the burn of it along his spine at
the first initial entrance. He tightened his hold in Jared's hair for a long
moment, keeping them there then slowly sinking down further. Jensen could
already feel so much of Jared in him and it was beyond surreal. "Jesus." He
sucked in a deep breath and held it, letting his body gradually sink down.
Jensen had no idea how much time had passed but it felt like hours, slow inch
after inch stretching him wide. When he finally felt the back of his thighs
against Jared's, he was trembling, forehead falling against Jared's. "Oh god
Jared."
As soon as he was able, Jared wrapped his arms tight around Jensen. He held
them there, locked together so perfectly and slid his mouth against Jensen's.
Nipping at Jensen's lips, Jared moaned and shuddered when he felt Jensen's cock
hardening again. "O-kay?"
Jensen wasn't sure if he could even think real words at that moment. He inhaled
shakily and managed a brief nod before sliding his body up an inch, dropping
back down. It was hardly any movement but Jensen still felt it along every inch
of his body. Sucking in a quick breath he fell against Jared, crushing their
lips together in a hard kiss that clinked teeth as he shifted his body back up,
curving to drop down and pull Jared into him once more.
Jared had never imagined it would feel so good; so tight and hot, silky and
clenching - and he had to hold his breath, nails scratching down Jensen's back
as he tried not to come. Lashes fluttering closed Jared thrust his tongue into
Jensen's mouth - heat and slick everywhere - his breath caught in his chest and
he dropped his hands to Jensen's hips, pulling him up. Hips rolling up, Jared
thrust back into the heat of Jensen's ass, crying out softly.
The sounds falling from Jared's lips were likely enough to tip Jensen over the
edge if he wasn't so focused on holding off his orgasm just so he could feel
more of Jared in him. Jared's hand on his hips lifted him, released slightly to
let him drop down and Jensen moaned, head falling back, spine arching to push
his body up. He felt empty, oddly vacant with just the head of Jared's cock
spreading him. Then he was dropping back down, Jared filling every inch of him
and his breath caught in his throat.
"Fuck," Jared hissed. He grabbed at Jensen, trying to keep hold of his
boyfriend's body even as he moved and arched and twisted on his cock. Wave
after breath-snatching wave of pleasure slammed into Jared as they moved
together. He couldn't stop watching Jensen's body, fluid and graceful, slick
with sweat - moving against him. It made him ache inside; his heart slamming
around like it was trying to escape. "Jensen, God." Digging his fingers hard
into his boyfriend's hips Jared held him still so he could thrust up into him.
It was just the right side of too rough and Jared could tell by the sweet
sounds that came from Jensen's mouth that he liked it.
Jensen could easily get lost in the way Jared's hips thrust up in him, making
sparks dance across his vision. He was losing his battle with his orgasm,
groaning low in his throat when Jared's cock once more brushed along that spot
inside him. Jared's hands on his hips held him in that place, thrust after
thrust driving up into the nerves and Jensen couldn't catch his breath. "J-
jare-" he choked on the word, body convulsing as his release flared through
him, white hot come splashing between them. Jensen felt like he was falling
apart, chest tight as he struggled to breathe.
Jared'd heart stutter-stopped as he thrust up a handful of times and came.
Crying out Jensen's name he clung to his boyfriend as his cock pulsed almost
painfully inside the tight clench of his boyfriend's muscles. Jared could feel
trembling and had no idea if it were him or Jensen; both maybe, he didn't know.
Panting, heart-thundering his abs tightened again and again as his body was
wracked with pleasure.
"God." Jensen collapsed against Jared's chest, head falling into his neck. He
breathed in Jared's scent for a long moment, shuddering at the remaining
ripples of pleasure sliding through him. "You," he gasped softly, sliding his
hand through the damp hair along the back of Jared's neck. He'd never felt so
completely spent before and it was amazing, better than anything he'd ever
felt.
Jared spread his fingers wide over the sweat damp skin of Jensen's back. "That
was pretty..." Jared huffed out a small laugh, shuddering as his cock twinged.
There weren't big enough words to describe it anyway - so when he could finally
breathe he simple pressed his lips to Jensen's. A soft kiss, as gentle and
patient as the sex had been urgent.
A small moan left Jensen's lips when he finally pulled up from Jared's body,
collapsing onto the bed and inhaling deeply. His heart was just now returning
to normal and his legs felt like jelly. It was the best thing ever. "We gotta
do that a lot," Jensen murmured, blinking up at the ceiling.
Laughing softly, Jared slumped down and fumbled blindly on the floor for one of
their shirts. He moved it over Jensen's chest, his belly and cleaned him slowly
then wiped his own chest and threw the shirt in the general direction of the
hamper. Collapsing beside his boyfriend Jared slung an arm and a leg over
Jensen; he wasn't ready to stop touching him, wanted him close. "Was good," he
murmured. Pressing a kiss to Jensen's shoulder, Jared scooted as close as he
could.
"Beyond good." Jensen whispered and pressed against Jared, smiling at the heat
from his body. He closed his eyes and absently stroked along Jared's arm. "I
love you." He sighed happily, stretched luxuriously, feeling lighter and more
wonderful than he had in weeks.
"Mhhm, I do. That too." Jared laughed softly; heart warm and heavy in his chest
with the weight of his emotion.
Nothing was better than having Jensen with him, nothing.
Jensen fell asleep sometime after Jared, listening to him breathe. He'd never
imagined being in this place just a few months ago before he even knew Jared.
Now he couldn't picture anything better.
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