Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2151180.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage
  Category:
      Other
  Fandom:
      South_Park
  Relationship:
      Eric_Cartman/Reader
  Character:
      Eric_Cartman, Reader
  Additional Tags:
      Reader-Insert, gender_neutral_reader, Anal_Fingering, Prostate_Massage,
      Male_Lactation, Food_Kink, Farting, I_Can't_Believe_I_Wrote_This, Gross,
      Scat, kind_of?, I_Don't_Even_Know, Spanking, Feeding_Kink
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-08-17 Words: 1746
****** The Ultimate Expression of Love ******
by orphan_account
Summary
     Reader x Cartman. Yes, you read that right. Reader. X. Eric Theodore
     Cartman.
     Love is just like diarrhea: you can't hold it in for too long.
Notes
     OKAY, BEFORE I SCAR YOU FOR LIFE, LET ME WARN YOU THOROUGHLY.
     This story contains graphic descriptions of disgusting things and
     mockery of basic bodily functions. It is crude, raw, and flat out
     vomit inducing. Unless you'd like to experience yourself licking
     gravy off a fat eight year old boy, don't read this.
     I mean it.
     Don't say I didn't warn you. Do you seriously want to read this story
     in which you play tonsil hockey with Eric Cartman while he's taking a
     dump?
     I didn't think so.
See the end of the work for more notes
You open your bedroom door, and Eric Theodore Cartman lies on the bed, naked
except for a lacy, silky hot pink thong. His stomach is slathered in KFC gravy.
He moans, "Do anything you want to me..." as he farts lustfully. Seductively,
he shakes his manboobs around, and traces circles in the hot gravy. "The rest
of the KFC is on the nightstand...right next to the lube..."
You grab a leg of extra crispy and drag it through the layer of gravy. "Open
wide," you croon.
He obeys. You push the chicken into his mouth, slowly running a finger down his
cheek. "Good boy..." you say, as you draw the now-meatless bone out from
between his thick lips.
Your fingers run across his pale white skin, brushing against his manboobs. He
squirms in pleasure.
You grin, bemused. "Oh, you like getting your tits touched?"
Cartman nods. You pull out another piece of KFC and scrape the rest of the
gravy from his belly, quietly humming. Thrusting it in his mouth, you make sure
your fingertips are greasy before pinching one of his soft, blush-pink nipples.
You relax your grip, then pull your hand away.
"I'm...so full..."
You smirk. "Oh, poor darling...does this mean I'll have to toss the rest of the
bucket? Our fridge is out, remember?"
"Shit." He mutters, noticing the slight tightness in his underwear. "Nyeh...I
can't pass up good KFC, can I?"
You run a hand through his beautiful, glossy chestnut hair. "That's right..."
you moan, your left hand slipping down to feel the curve of his soft, luscious,
flabby side.
You lay on top of him, grinning. You reach into the bucket and pull out a wing.
"Come on...eat up..." you coo as you shove it into his mouth.
He chews on the food for a while, expertly stripping the skin and meat off.
After a minute, he spits out the bone. "I'm ready..."
"You'd better be..." you giggle as you stuff a leg into each of his cheeks. At
first Cartman looks shocked, but then begins to strip the meat off with his
tongue. By this time, there's grease coating his lips and as he finishes the
last bites of the last two pieces, your lips meet his.
Hands on his luscious manboobs, you slip your tongue between his plump lips and
into his mouth. You lick the skin from between his teeth. He shoves his tongue
into your mouth, pressing it against yours. You respond by grinding your crotch
against his swollen stomach. Skin to skin, the two of you twist and sweat and
grapple.
Cartman moans in ecstasy. He presses his beautiful ass against your groin and
lets out an equally beautiful, fragrant, warm, lengthy fart.
"I'm sexy, right?" Cartman asks sincerely.
You giggle and lick the back of his neck. "Trust me. I like my boys like my
file systems-FAT and 8."
Your lips on one of his nipples, you slowly suck and lick at the slightly stiff
pink nub. It softens at the touch of your tongue. He moans as a stream of warm
milk spurts into your mouth. You come up from sucking his man-tit and spit it
back into his mouth. He enthusiastically swallows the fluid.
You then reach for the lubricant. You slather your fingers with KY.
He gets on his knees, face downward, ass in the air, cheeks spread out.
"Prepare your anus." You mutter as your drizzle the hole with lubricant.
You start with one finger, gently pushing inside and twisting it around. You
run your finger around the inside of his ass, opening him up enough to slide in
another finger. You then reach in further, squirting a bit more lube onto the
bottom of your fingers, and brush at his prostate.
His moaning grows louder, and he grinds his ass against your hand as you go
harder at his sweet spot with your middle finger. You reach around to the
front, tuck your hand firmly under his stomach folds, and grasp his dick.
He gasps, but in pleasant surprise, not anger. You put your finger on the tip,
pulling back the foreskin, and run it around the head. By now, precum is
dripping from the tip.
His moans get louder, and you can feel yourself heating up. You pull the
foreskin back and forth again...and again...and again as you press hard onto
his p-spot. And before he can exhale once more...
A warm white spurt of cum squirts into your hand.
"Oh, you dirty boy. You filthy, filthy little boy..." you chuckle quietly,
pulling your fingers from his ass and spilling the ejaculate from your cupped
hand onto his back. It situated in the two little indentations above his
buttcheeks.
Cartman glances back, as if to question what the fuck you're doing. You just
grin in response, massaging the jizz into his dimples of Venus. He giggles in
response, evidently understanding. Or maybe he's just sensitive there. Either
way, you grab a handful of his shapely ass and feel it in your hand. Another
moan, deep from his throat, comes out. "You're such a naughty boy..."
You sink your hand into the depths of his ass, then pull it back out. "Oh, I
think you need some punishment..."
You grab a paddle from the nightstand. "This one big enough?"
He nods enthusiastically as you whack it against his supple asscheeks. His hips
drop back onto the surface of the bed and he loudly groans, farting as you
continue to spank him. "God, I haven't taken a dump in over a week..."
You smile and set down the paddle. "You know, I noticed, and I think you might
be glad that I made this pie." You pick up the raspberry pie from the
nightstand and take the lid off its container.
He purrs and strokes his own bloated stomach. "Feed me..."
You grin and poke the fork through the crust. Scooping up a bite, you lower it
into his gaping mouth and drop it inside. He giggles as you scoop up another.
"You know what? Fuck this shit, it'll take forever." You slice into the pie
using the side of the fork and cut a nice big piece. Smirking, you cram it into
his mouth.
He gags at first, but then chews it up and gulps it down. "Damn, that was
good...gimme another."
You cut a thicker piece this time, grazing your finger through the sugary glaze
on top before stuffing it in his mouth. He chews slower this time, savoring the
raspberry filling. Waiting for him to swallow, you dip your tongue into his
navel, pressing hard at the bottom. You swirl your tongue around, sucking at
the surrounding skin. Passionately, you grab handfuls of his soft, luscious
love handles.
"Swallow already," you demand, shooting him a glance in spite of the fact that
you've been patient beforehand. He obeys.
"God, now you're being a good boy...and you've finished half of your pie! Do
you like your pie, Eric?"
"Hell yeah, I like my pie!" Cartman responds, licking the stray filling from
his lips.
"Well, what if I..."
Without finishing that sentence, you grabbed the pie and began smearing it all
over his stomach.
He stares in disbelief. "No-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My pie-my wonderful pie!"
You cackle maniacally as you rub the sticky raspberry filling into his soft
skin. "How do you feel about your pie now?"
Cartman leans toward you, clearly upset, when he suddenly springs up from the
bed and dashes into the bathroom as fast as he can go.
"Where you going?" You stare knowingly at him.
He gazes back at you, now on the toilet, clutching his stomach. "What...what
was IN that pie?" He groans, a pained expression creeping onto his face.
You smugly grin back. "Nothing unusual...raspberries, sugar, flour... oh, and a
ton of laxatives."
Cartman's eyes snap open wide. "L-laxatives?! Why did you put..."
The laxatives officially kicked in at that moment.
As he flushes out his system for the first time in ten days, he begins sobbing.
"Don't cry..."
"It hurts...it hurts really bad..." He sniffs, squirming on the seat.
"Hey." You run your hand down the side of his cheek, pulling his chin up so you
can look into his eyes. "I didn't mean to make you hurt..."
"Don't put laxatives in my pie again..."
"You were constipated for ten days. For fucks sake!" You take your hands off
him.
"Well, at least it tasted good!" He chimes, looking on the bright side.
He looks up for a second, understanding. "You know, if I wasn't having such
horrible diarrhea right now, I would make out with you."
You climb into his lap. "You really think THAT'S a problem? Eric, I can look
past the fact that you're taking a huge shit right now and make out with you if
you can get down with it."
Straddling him, your arms wrap around his shoulders and your groin gently
pushes against his fat rolls. You crane your neck down and grind your lips into
his, your tongue working its way into his mouth once again. You can feel him
messily solving his constipation problem, but it's not a distraction-if
anything, it's a relief for both of you. He'll stop whining about his cramps.
One of your hands runs through his hair, the other strokes at his still-
distended belly. You pull your tongue out, separating your lips from his.
"You're adorable..."
"I know. I'm the cutest little muffin in the whole world. At least, that's what
my mom says..."
"You have the cutest little muffin top in the world, that's for sure." You poke
at his tummy again, your finger sinking into its squishy mass. "And I mean that
in a good way, not in a mean way. Are you done crapping yet?"
He nods, and you clean him up and carry him back into the bedroom.
As the two of you lay in bed, nearly asleep, you can feel a blissful wave of
completeness as you spoon him. You still grip at his pudgy body, but less
forcefully, not as aggressively sexual. It's almost blissful.
That is, until he farts, loudly and shamelessly, directly onto your crotch.
"Eric... damn it." You snicker.
He cracks a mischievous grin. You pinch his ass once and kiss him on the cheek
before pulling out of the position, resting your head on his belly, and falling
fast asleep.
End Notes
     I WARNED YOU, OKAY? YOU JUST DIDN'T LISTEN.
     This is probably one of the most ridiculous and irreverent things I
     have ever written. This makes The 120 Days of Sodom look like
     Goodnight Moon.
     I'm sorry.
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