Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5741461.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Original_Work
  Relationship:
      Brother/brother_-_Relationship
  Additional Tags:
      non-con, Incest, Sibling_Incest, Anal_Sex, Rape, The_Rape_is_not_Incest,
      No_Incest_Rape
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-01-17 Updated: 2016-01-23 Chapters: 2/? Words: 14959
****** The Shadow I'm In ******
by Falan
Summary
     Basil's parents had always ignored him in favor of his older brother,
     the baseball star. Basil was perfectly fine being invisible, but
     something goes horribly wrong that could bring the two brothers
     closer together.
Notes
     So! You might know me from what used to be adultfaniction.net and now
     is adult-fanfiction.org.
     I'm reposting this story here with revisions! I'm slowly working my
     way through. I'll be combining chapters and maybe changing a few plot
     twist but this will basically be the same story that you can find
     there!
     Once this gets caught up with the site, I will be updating both.
     I hope you like it! This story has been with me for years and Basil
     has grown with me.
***** Chapter One *****
For as long as I can remember my older brother has played baseball. Not just
played, but dominated. He has always been the talk of our small town. How he
was going to go play in college, then in the major leagues. His trophies,
plaques, and medals litter every part of our house, the local high school, and
the sports bar down town. His name is famous around here; it’s all anyone ever
talks about.
You see in our town it was not about football, or basketball, or swimming, or
tennis, its baseball. Moreover, anyone who is not into baseball is shunned from
the public eye. I am one of those people. Everyone around here knows me as his
little brother. Not by my name, I did not even think they remembered my name.
I'm just his kid brother.
As I walk through the halls of our high school, all the girls are giggling
about him and even some of the more flamboyant guys. The walls and lockers are
plastered with his pictures and the news about the game with another city. He
is a senior and I am a freshmen. No one even picks on me because I'm his kid
brother. My books are clutched to my chest as I pass him and a group of his
baseball buddies, big-breasted girls hanging from their arms. He doesn't even
notice me.
Am I that hard to look passed? Light brown hair sticking up in every direction,
because of the way I toss and turn at night, it stays that way even after I
comb and brush it. Baggy black shirt concealing my small frame, along with my
relaxed fit blue jeans that conform to my hips only because of the belt that I
wear. I don't think I am. I'm not as outgoing as my brother but I do stick out
I think. I am about the only person not wearing a shirt from some sports team
or band.
The days pass just as this one did. Quiet. No one really talks to me; I sit by
myself in all my classes and at lunch. The only time I interact with people is
when we have group projects or they run into me in the hall saying sorry to his
brother.
I take the long walk home today. He will be there early. They didn't have
practice today, it is his birthday. Mom and Dad will have invited the entire
neighborhood to our house, in our backyard for his birthday. All I get for mine
is a cake bought from the store that was on sale, a new game for my current
gaming system, and a hug from him. That's all he has ever given me, promising
to get me something the next year, seeing as how he spent all of his money on
his new girlfriend.
Don’t get me wrong, I don't hate my brother, or even dislike him. I love him
with all of my being, and I think that is the problem. I love him too much. In
addition, it’s not because he’s good at baseball or anything like that. It’s
just him. My heart runs miles a minute when he touches me, even if it is just
our legs brushing under the table, because he's 6 foot 4 inches, or the bump of
our hands when we do the dishes together, or when we pass in the too small hall
to get to our separate rooms. My dreams only consist of him. Of him saying my
name repeatedly, his warm smile being directed at me and only me. I shouldn't
have these thoughts though. I think there is something wrong with me.
I reach our house and it is just as I expected. People crowded the living room,
kitchen, and dining room. The baseball team and people from school out on the
back lawn. No one says hello to me as I enter the house or while I make my way
through them trying to escape to my room. No one will look for me. No one
cares, not even Mom and Dad. Their star is outside, turning 18, why would they
care about a no body like me?
I drop my bag next to the door as I kick off my shoes, covering the carpeted
floor with more of my mess. My feet bring me to my bed so that I can fall back
on it, my arms going behind my head. I gazed up at the ceiling but all that
came to my vision was he. His smiling face, laughing, and joking with the
people around him. Why can’t he be like that with me? One of my hands reach up
above me, fingers trying to touch his face, his beautiful caramel colored hair,
his softly tanned skin. But it is just in my imagination.
My eyes glance over to my computer desk, my arm dropping down beside me.
Sitting on top of the mess of papers and books is a heavily wrapped present
that I picked up just for him. I spent hours at the mall trying to find
something to get him, but came up with nothing. The internet proved more
useful. But my mind is still trying to decide if I should give the gift wrapped
in sparkling baseball paper to him. Would he even notice it after his
girlfriend gives him something better? Or his coach gives him that new starting
bat, which cost over $100? Or when Mom and Dad give him their credit card to go
buy a glove that is specially tailored for him? He was getting a scholarship to
go to some college 300 miles away, he needs those things. But does he need my
gift? Probably not. It will just sit in his closet here and collect dust just
like his old action figures that he has yet to throw away.
I rolled over onto my side, wrapping my arms around myself, feeling my eyes
start to sting. I'm just his useless little brother that is going nowhere in
life. He doesn't even notice me more than half the time. I wouldn't let myself
cry over him. He is something that I never could have. I squeeze my eyes shut
keeping the hot tears from falling. He clouds my every thought. And my every
dream…
A knock at my door brings me from sleep but just barely. I grunt a reply,
turning over to face one of my walls covered with pictures of paintings and
drawings, curling back up into my warm blankets that I had gathered in my
sleep. I did not expect the door to be open or the light footsteps that came on
my carpet coming closer to my mostly sleeping form. The weight that came to my
bed startled my mind fully awake, but the hand that placed itself on my
shoulder, the hand slowly creeping to rub a small portion of my back caused my
heart to race and my breath to quicken in fear. No one ever touched me unless
it was on accident. I shifted on my bed trying to dislodge the hand but it only
continued its path and progress.
"Basil, your brother said you would be in here. He wants you to come outside."
I didn't know this body that leaned down so that the voice could speak into my
ear so that his lips touched the smooth surface making my body shiver. I tried
to pull away but he held me to the spot with the hand had increased its
pressure on my shoulder where it had traveled back to. "Now, now. Your brother
wouldn't like it if you were disobedient." I struggled against him anyway, body
trying to pull away from his grasp. The other boy moved fully onto my bed then,
laying on his side so that my back was to his chest, one of his arms sliding
under my body to curl around my waist, while the other moved down my side,
caressing my skin over top of my shirt.
This could not be happening to me! No one looks at me, no one notices me, not
even my own family!
"Please." I begged softly, my body finally going lax as the larger boy’s hands
made their way under my shirt, my voice shock. I knew I could not get away from
him; he was far stronger than I, I already determined this with only the small
interactions we had. "Stop, please." I felt my eyes fill with tears then, as he
leaned forward to whisper in my ear again, rubbing something hard against the
top swell of my bottom.
"Sorry, kid, I'm not going to stop, even if you are Scott's baby brother.
That’s kind of the point after all. Now don't make a sound or else I'll have to
do something drastic." My eyes opened wide at the mention of my brother’s name.
Could this boy be a member of the baseball team? One of his friends? His hands
worked their way over my stomach feeling the muscles quiver under their touch,
as I whimpered softly my body acting on its own to try to remove the foreign
objects from it. "Do you think you’re invisible to everyone? Do you think no
one can see you? Scott worries about you. Did you know that?" He worries about
me? “But it doesn't matter now. He can’t do anything. He doesn't watch you for
a second and look what happens.” One of his hands slid their way down to the
front of my pants, his fingertips teasing under the fabric at the waistband of
my boxers.
“Please. Stop.” I heard my voice call again; my spine was tingling from the
feel of his hands on my body. No one had ever touched me like this before. And
I didn't want them to. It isn't right! His hand slipped under my boxers
caressing the soft flesh there, the other was at one of my nipples pulling and
rolling it between his fingers under my shirt. My stomach was turning now,
rolling the slice of school pizza that I had for lunch around and around. On my
cheeks was wetness where my eyes had started to cry without me knowing so, the
lids squeezed shut trying to shut out the world around me, trying to take me
away from this moment.
He shifted behind me, the hand under my pants coming back up to tug at the
button keeping them closed, then the zipper. He pushed the hard fabric down my
hips slightly exposing my boxers all the more. Why was he doing this? Did he
really want me this way or was he doing it for some other reason? Why was this
happening to me? You always heard stories about this happening to people, to
girls. I never thought I’d be one of those stories.
My eyes opened as my head turned to look at the framed posters on my wall, one
of the reflections directed my eyes over to my desk; I dared not look behind
me. The sparkly paper of his present caught my eye. A sob tore through my body
as I thought of him. What would he think of me after this? Would he think that
I was weak and was not worth his time more then he already did? Would he give
me looks of pity every time he laid his beautiful eyes on my form? Would he be
so mad he would leave in a rage go beat this person up? Would he laugh at his
little brother because he got what was coming to him?
Both the boy’s hands moved to pull my jeans down my legs. He shifted again as
he did, trying to get them down to my knees without my helping him at all. Is
it right that I’m just giving in to him like this? Not even trying to get away?
This is my room, in my parents’ house. I should be protected here but I’m not.
And he’s having his birthday party right outside my door.
“H-he, will com-come looking for us.” I mumbled softly, not wanting to anger
the boy on behind me. He let out a laugh at my statement, his breath coming
against my neck, I felt his hands once again on my body, this time running over
the inside of my thighs, going up the loose legs of the clothing that I was
still wearing on my hips. This feeling was nothing like I had felt before. His
hands were sending tingling sensations up and down my spine. I imagined it
would have felt good if it had been under different circumstances.
“Silly boy. Your brother doesn't even know I’m here. I wasn't invited. You see
we got into a fight a few weeks back.” One of his hands moved up to cup my
testicles and soft cock, making my body jump. I started to struggle again, my
limbs twisting and turning trying to get away from the touch of the other boy,
my elbow going to prop myself up, the other one going back to elbow the boy
behind me. No one had a right to touch me there but me. He caught the elbow
going back at him and pinned it to my side, the other hand going to grab my arm
from supporting me, bending my arm at an odd angle behind me. He brought both
of my arms together behind me, one of his hands keeping hold of them as I
struggled, though I knew I was trapped.
“In fact, our fight was about you.” My eyes opened wide at the notion. Why had
he gotten into a fight about me? “You see little Basil, I've wanted your ass
for so long, since the first time I saw you walk through the door while I was
hanging out with Scott.” He was one of his friends. “I had plans of making you
mine and I told Scott, he hit me and dared me to touch you. If he ever found
out that I even laid a finger on you, I would be dead.” He really said that?
Another chuckle from behind as the hand that wasn't holding onto mine traveled
down my body to start tugging on the waistband of my boxers, bring them down to
join my pants around my knees. It was a bit more difficult for him this time as
he only had one hand to use. “Now, he will be sorry that he ever made that
statement to me. See what he does when he finds out that his precious little
brother was raped right under his nose at his birthday celebration.”
His hand moved up to push my shirt up my torso leaving most of my body open to
the cool air in the room. My eyes clutched shut as more sobs broke from my
throat. This could not be happening to me! I refused to believe it.
The boy’s free hand moved down my back, almost caressing my skin in a loving
manner with his fingertips. But they were anything but loving to me. They
lowered till they stroked one of the fleshy orbs of my ass. I struggled again,
twisting and turning trying to get my arms free even if there was a burning
pain in the shoulder that I had been laying on.
“If you stop moving, it might be good for you too.” The boy stated behind me,
his voice was darker than before, coming out in a hiss almost growl. I didn't
care though this wasn't right! He gave a sigh behind me. “I was going to be
nice and prepare you, but since your being like this I've changed my mind.” My
eyes went wide. I might not have been into the world of sex but I did know that
not getting someone ready for anal sex was bad.
He moved my body onto my knees, my face and shoulders were pressed down into
the mattress without my consent as I was still struggling against him. I was
sure now that my shoulder had been dislocated; the pain from it was becoming
unbearable. My sobs were becoming louder as he pushed my legs apart as far as
they would go with my pants and boxers around my knees. He moved in between
them when there was enough room for him to fit with much problem.
“The only thing that would make this better right now, is if I had a video
camera so I could record all of this and give it to Scott as a birthday
present.” That sent a wave of terror through me. He shouldn't have to see me
like this. Being weak. I was thankful that he seemed to have forgotten his
smartphone or maybe he didn't have one. I felt the spongy head of the boy’s
penis press against the cliff of my bottom and the groan that came from him at
the touch. “I can’t wait to pound into your tight ass. I bet Scott does it all
the time. I know I would if you were my brother.” I shook my head as much as I
could. No he didn't even lay a hand on my shoulder, or give me a pat on the
back. All our touches were by accident.
“My-my bro-brother isn't l-like you.” I felt my mouth move and heard the words
come out but I don’t remember telling my mouth to move or make a sound. The
other’s cock was moving down to line up with my most hidden of places as a
chuckle came from his lips.
“He isn't, is he?”
“No.” I stated without hesitation.
“Then he hasn't taken your ass before? Your first time then? Or have you bent
over for other baseball players as well? Or maybe the scouts from those
colleges that he got interviewed for?” I shook my head, another sob coming from
my form as the head pushed against the tight ring of muscle. He is on his team!
He’s a baseball player just like him! “Is that why he got his scholarship
because his brother had a good ass?” He almost choked on the last words the
tight ring finally giving way letting him slide forcefully into me a little at
a time. I had to turn my head into the pillow below my head letting it absorb
my scream that burst from my throat at the penetration. My bottom was on fire,
it was far worse than the pain that was still throbbing in my shoulder.
“Pl-please! Stop! It hurts!” I called out, not being in control of my voice as
more and more sobs took over my form.
“Shut up.” His voice was strained when he spoke over my tears. “God! So tight!
You are a virgin.” I felt drips down my thighs then as he started to pull back
before pushing back in. He had let go of my arms, the two appendages laying on
the bed, so both of his hands gripped my hips as he moved in me. I was limp, my
body shaking from my sobs and the pain that came from both my shoulder and my
bottom. His trust grow stronger and faster as my ass started to loosen around
him and became slick with something.
“Please stop!” I begged again through my tears, the pillow below my head being
soaked from the salty liquid. “Please, please, please! It hurts!” My hands
gripped the blankets below them, twisting around, which caused my shoulder to
scream in pain.
“No.” Was his only verbal reply but he picked up his pace, forcing my hips back
to his every thrust. I let out a wail as he forced my legs farther apart, the
fabric of my clothing stretching to its max to the point where the seams were
starting to rip. “You like taking my cock don’t you? You little whore!” One of
his hands moved from my hip, going around my front to touch my soft cock. “Oh?
So you’re not enjoying this then?” I squirmed to get away from the touch, it
was one thing to be violated from behind but I would not give him the pride of
him knowing I got hard from my abuse. Or at least I tried.
“S-stop!” His hand moved up and down my cock as he moved behind me, his trust
having slowed down.
“Nothing would damage your mind more than getting off on what I’m doing to
you.” He stated, his fingers rubbing over the head and down the shaft. I bit my
lip. There was no way I would enjoy what he was doing to me! This wasn't right!
“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked my tear stained eyes open, looking over
at my desk to his present again. Why wasn't he coming for me? But why would he?
I’m just his little brother. His girlfriend was hanging on his arm now, while
dad patted his back as he blew out his 18 candles.
“I thought we had already covered that little Basil. I want you. And Scott
dared me to touch you. I just had to follow through.” He pound into me for a
moment. “And if I can’t have you the way that I wanted then I’ll take whatever
I can.” He forgot about my soft cock to thrust ruthlessly into me. “And what
did I say about being quiet? We’re lucky that everyone is having so much fun at
Scott’s birthday party without you there or else someone might have come to see
what was going on and where you were.”
I hated to admit but what he said was true. No one was missing me. No one cared
if I was being raped in my own bed or my parents’ house. Not even my parents.
He was the light in their life and he was all they cared about.
“God! You’re so tight!” I tried to block out his voice, squeezing my eyes shut
after the tears had stopped but they only had because I had cried them all out.
“I can’t believe how Scott hasn't done this before.”
“Stop it please.” I begged softly, not knowing if I was begging to be let go or
just to have him stop talking.
“No.” He stated again, his voice sounding more breathless by the minute, while
his breath grew more rapid. I couldn't guess that he was getting close to
coming. My hands gripped the sheets below me harder as his hips took on a brisk
and intense pace, no longer coming in measured trust. “God! You’re so tight.
I’m going to do this over and over again. Scott won’t know what’s happening to
his precious little brother. I’m going to pound your ass so many times. During
school in the bathroom, having you bent over one of the sinks.” I stopped
listening to him. He grunted above me, as I felt my ass filled with a burning
liquid. More tears were somehow making their way in rivers down my cheeks again
as he pulled his softening cock out of my bottom.
I fell over without his support, earning a cry of pain from my throat.
Everything hurt. My eyes were squeezed shut as I heard him fix his clothes,
zipping up his pants and re-buckling his belt to make him presentable to the
outside world. His hand fell over my form. My muscles and body twitching away
from the touch that trailed up my side, across my neck, to rest on my cheek
softly.
“If your brother hadn't said that then this wouldn't have happened. Blame him
Basil.” I shook my head. No. He was not to blame. He was trying to protect me.
His hand wiped away some of the tear trails that ran down my cheeks. “So
pretty.” He leaned over me and placed a soft kiss on patch of skin he had
rubbed, and then moved his lips down to place a kiss on my lips. Why was he
being kind to me now? He just raped me! A sob came from my throat as I cracked
my eyes open. The boy had left my bed and was making his was over to my door,
leading to the outside world.
Black hair, tanned skin. My eyes widened. I knew this boy. He’d been hanging
out with him for years, since they were in grade school. His best friend, Ken
Reefer. He looked over his shoulder at me and smiled.
“See you are around Basil. We’ll have more fun later.” He opened the door,
walking out and shutting it, leaving me alone in my world.
My body was trembling. My shoulder and bottom hurt. My arms wrapped around my
upper body after pulling my shirt down my form from where Ken had bunched it at
my armpits, the movement causing more pain to rip through my upper body. How
could this have happened to me? Wasn't I always the one that got looked over,
because I was his brother? How could his best friend do this to me? So many
questions were running through my head at the moment and nothing was making
sense.
My knees curled up to my stomach, the fabric around them still intact. I winced
again. When I moved everything hurt. I could still feel the cooling liquid
slipping between my butt cheeks and down my thighs. At the moment, I didn't
have the energy or motivation to move let alone clean myself up. That would
involve putting on the rest of my clothes and walking down to the bathroom. I
couldn't handle that right now knowing that everyone was still at our house for
his birthday.
I reached down with one of my hands, going behind me to touch the tender area
that had been the main place that the older boy had abused. I came across
wetness and winced when my fingers came into contact. I brought my hand back up
to my face, my eyes taking in the pink substance on my fingers. It was heavier
red in places and white in others. I just started at my tainted fingers. I
didn't know what to do. Tears were still working their way out of the corners
of my eyes as I stared at that substance that had come from my behind. It felt
so real now; it was almost like a confirmation. It had really happened; it
wasn't just some horrible nightmare. The evidence was on my hand, on my thighs.
Everything was moving so slowly. The time just seemed to crawl by as I stared
at the mess on my fingers. The voices of the people inside our house traveling
through my door now as more and more people moved inside from the backyard. My
blankets were pulled over my form now, the fabric of my pants and boxers laying
on the floor next to my bed where I had dropped them after pulling them off
with pain running through my body at every move.
No one came to look for me during this whole time. They were too busy with him.
A knock sounded on my door.
“Basil! Get out here! The party’s over. And since you didn't even show up to
give your brother a present or anything the least you can do is help clean up!”
My mother’s voice called to me through the door. Was it really that late? The
knob twisted open letting the door swing open and allowed the form of my mother
to walk through. Her nose wrinkled in disgusted at the state of my room. “God
Basil! You need to pick up in here!” Her stormy eyes came to my covered up
form, anger then showing on her face. “You’re just lying in bed! What is wrong
with you!? You’re brother has hit a mile stone in his life and all you can do
is sleep!” She gave an aggravated growl as I shut my eyes tightly. I didn't
need this!
“Go away.” I whispered out softly, not even sure that my voice would be heard.
She kept going on and on how I was such a bad brother, how I didn't care for
him at all. I was shaking my head. No! I cared for him! I really do! I love
him!
“Mrs. Aden, I don’t mind to hang around afterward and help clean up!” Ken. I
curled myself more into a ball at the sound of his voice. So he knew he was
here. Ken had stayed at the party and my family welcomed him with open arms. He
didn't even come and check on me when he found out he was here.
“Well thank you Ken. Such a nice boy.” My mother had no idea what that ‘nice
boy’ did to me as she patted him on the back. “Basil, try to straighten up. Be
more like your brother or Ken.” And with those final words mom left the room a
smile on her face.
“Yeah Basil, you should be more like me. And Scott.” My eyes watched as Ken
leaned against my door frame, his head turned to look down the hallway, then
turning a smirk at me. “He welcomed me, you know. When he found out I was
here.” He turned to leave me alone again. “Oh, and mention what happened to
anyone and I swear I’ll do something much worse.”
Be more like Ken? Be more like his best friend who wasn't even supposed to be
here? Or be more like him. He who didn't even come to check on me when Ken just
appeared. Or maybe Ken was lying the whole time, maybe he really knew his best
friend was here and he said go at it? But why then did he not want me to say
anything to anyone? And what could be worse than this feeling of weakness, of
dirtiness?
Hours later I finally made myself move from my soiled bed. My body screamed in
pain as I moved. My shoulder that had stopped throbbing came back full force as
I moved to open my dresser to pull clothes out to change into after my long
awaited shower or bath, depending on how I felt when I made it to the bathroom.
I hadn't heard anyone for a while in it was into the late hours of the night. I
think the glowing numbers on my digital clock said 4:19am when I pulled on a
loose pair of sweatpants to walk through the hall in.
My form was trembling as I opened my door and took a fearful step outside of my
room. My eyes looking both ways before my feet started with slow steps of the
bathroom, I could feel my face muscles trying to wince as I took each step. My
hand finally rested against the wall of a moment, helping to support my pain
ridden body.
I was only a few more feet from the bathroom. Just a few more feet, I told
myself, till I could wash myself of the grime. My feet started moving again,
with my hand pressed against the wall for balance.
As soon as my hand gripped the handle to the bathroom door, I fell. I didn't
even realize it till I opened my eyes and I was on the floor. I closed my eyes
again hoping that no one had heard and came to my rescue. I snorted to myself
after minutes of listening to the silence. Like anyone would come to my rescue,
they already proved me wrong on that this afternoon.
Bath, I decided as I lifted myself up with the help of the sink. I had blocked
out the throbbing in my shoulder by now. I shut the door behind me, making sure
no one could see the dirtiness that covered my body as I let the sweatpants
pool around my feet. I stepped out of them, my shirt soon meeting the same cold
floor as I kneeled next to our porcelain tub. My hand twisted the cold metal
knob, letting the water rush free into the bowl like structure. The plug was
closed and the water kept rushing in. I sat by the side just watching the clear
liquid pool in the basin.
The water splashed as I set myself down into the tub, but as soon as my bottom
came into contact with the floor I wished that it hadn't. Pain shot up my spine
and my back making me wince. But there was no going back now as the water
started to color pink.
I settled myself down on my lower back so that my body was bent in half almost.
My knees bent and my legs spread out in front of me, my shoulders leaning
against the side of the tube. This was the easiest way I could think of to get
down there clean. I reached for the washcloth that I had set beside the tub
before I had submerged myself below the water. I used both of my hands to soap
up the cloth with the bar of soap that was designated as mine. Mom and Dad made
each of us have our own bathing supplies, even if we used the same kind,
different bottles of shampoo and conditioner and body wash, and different bars
of soap. Everything had to be different.
When I deemed the cloth soapy enough, which it probably a few minutes before
hand, I dripped it under the water between my legs. I washed up and down my
thighs first, watching as the water became picker by the minute, yet I still
felt as dirty as I had before.
I reached down to touch my abused opening and gasped softly. It hurt! I quickly
pulled my hand away. The flesh was raw and scraped and bruised. It hurt so
much! But I had to clean there. That was where I felt the dirtiest. I reached
down again and touched the soar place with the rough surface of the washcloth
and again quickly pulled it away. The hand that wasn't holding the cloth was
clutching at the side of the tub as I bit my lower lip. How was I going to do
with?
I brought my hand out of the water and laid the cloth along the edge of the
tub, deciding that it was too rough to touch that place at the moment. My hand
was the only thing that went back under the water. My fingertips slowly traced
down my thigh, not yet wanting to touch the placed that they needed to be. I
was biting my lip harder than almost to the point of making it bleed.
Why was I so freaked out about touching there? I had be used and violated by
the one person he thought he could trust and I didn't even scream for help.
Maybe it was just so surreal that I didn't even know what to do. But now as I
have to clean up after it, maybe it’s becoming more real? Like if I didn't do
this, it would be like Ken never came into my room at all? No, it did happen
and nothing can change that and make it go away.
With that final notion I let my fingertips touch the torn passage, letting out
a gasp as I did so. I rubbed softly, around the tender area getting the dried
cum and blood off. I shook my head from side to side. I didn't want to think of
it that way, but there wasn't any other way to think about it. I touched the
quivering muscles of my anus, them tightening as soon as I reached for the
opening. I had to get inside as well.
I told myself to relax, taking deep breaths into my chest, as I shut my eyes.
My finger tip pushed gently against the ring of muscle, letting just a bit into
my body. I was biting my lip again. It hurt! My free hand quickly placed itself
over my mouth to keep the sounds that I made from reaching the hall and the
house around me. I eased my finger further into me, feeling crusty cum that had
not dripped out of me on my bed. It hurt as I rubbed softly inside of myself.
But it had to come out! The water making its way into my opening felt weird. It
wasn't like what it had felt like when Ken had released his cum into me. It was
different. Soothing almost.
The sound of the door didn't reach my ears as I eased my finger from my
opening, my eyes opening with the burning of tears threatening to fall again.
My breath was coming in pants because without my knowledge I had held my breath
while I fingered inside of my body.
---------
The cold plastic chair of my classroom was torture. My arms were crossed over
the hard desk in front of me and my head lay upon them. I went to the nurse
that morning when I came to school and she had someone do something about my
shoulder, snapping it back into place. I had to come up with something to tell
her how it happened, told her I fell down and grabbed a hold of thing and it
came out. I don’t think she believed me but I didn't care. She didn't say
anything. She came me a few aspirin and sent me on my way.
“Basil.” My eyes looked over at the girl sitting beside me. She was new, just
started today. For some reason she had attached herself to me. No one else ever
had before. I was just his kid brother, not worth mentioning. But Ken... “What
is there to do around this town? It’s a lot smaller then what I’m used to. I
mean I could walk a block from the school and there was like a bar or
something.” Her nose wrinkled a bit. “And not everyone was all about sports.”
She faked gagged for a moment. “Sports are completely pointless. I don’t know
why mom and dad wanted to move here.” She kept going on and on, and I just
watched her. My social skills weren't really up to par with hers over anyone
else’s for that matter. This girl was different. She wore black all over, t-
shirt, pants, boots, all were black. Her short blonde hair was dyed pink in
some places and blue in others. Her makeup wasn't the kind that the other girls
in our school, it was bright yet dark at the same time. It was only a little
after lunch and already rumors were flying around the school about her.
“Basil, are you listening to me? You’re just kind of sitting there was a ‘duh’
look on your face.” The girl, Evangeline, stated. Blood filled my cheeks as her
gray blue eyes settled right on me.
“Sorry. I’m distracted.” I stated turning my head the opposite way on my arms
so that my head faced away from her. She snorted beside me.
“Sorry. I just got here and I’m already boring you and getting on your nerves.”
She was so blunt. Not like everyone else that just tiptoed around things. “So
who is he?” She asked next, making my brow frown slightly.
“What?” I asked still facing away from her.
“You've been limping around all day and haven’t looked anyone in the eye. You
avoid contact with everyone on a physical and a little bit on a verbal level
too. Who is the guy that is overly protective and is obsessed with you that you
can’t get near to other people?”
“Huh?” I turned my head around again.
“Look, I've had enough gay friends back home to know the signs of someone in an
abusive relationship and someone who got laid the night before. Who. Is. He?” I
felt my heart speed up in my chest. Someone knows. If she knows, wouldn't the
whole school? She just got here. And she knows! I felt my mind falling apart.
The whole school knows what Ken did. They’re keeping it to themselves, laughing
about it behind my back. He knows. He probably told Ken to do it.
Everyone knows.
***** Chapter 2 *****
My world crumbled around me as my breathing sped up as well. I moved then my
elbows rested on the desk in front of me, my head in my open hands.
“Basil? You okay love?” I heard the far off voice of Evangeline ask. No, she
couldn't know. She thinks I have a boyfriend. She knows that his best friend
raped me. She couldn't. Ken said not to tell anyone. But-
I was panicking. My fingers fisted my hair, pulling on the light brown strands
making my scalp hurt. She couldn't know! I hadn't said anything about it. She
couldn't know. Ken will hurt me again if she knows.
Tears prickled my eyes. I don’t want this to happen again. Why did he let this
happen? He knew Ken wanted me! But he let it happen anyway. A hot tear rolled
down my cheek.
Hands gripped my hands and tried to pull them away from my scalp. I loosened my
hold on my hair and allowed my hands to be pulled away from my head. My eyes
were wide as I looked into the eyes of Evangeline in front of me.
“No one.” I stated to her, my breath still coming at a pant. She looked around
her for a moment; it was then that I noticed that I had gained the attention of
our class, the teacher on the phone a panic to her voice as she spoke, her eyes
glancing at me every few seconds.
“Okay, okay. No one. But are you alright?” Was the new girl’s reply as she
looked at me with worried eyes. “You gave us quite a scare, you know, had a
panic attack or something. Wouldn't respond to anything I said or did. I called
your name I don’t know how many times, even yelled it! You were that far gone.”
Panic attack?
“Basil, the nurse wants you in her office.” The teacher called from the head of
the room, her eyes too held worry. Why was everyone worried about me? They
never were before. Why is now any different? “Evangeline, will you please
escort him there? Make sure he makes it safely?”
“Yes, Miss Lee!” I allowed myself to be maneuvered out of my chair and out of
the door with one of the girl’s hands on my arm and the other on my lower back,
my mind was still in shock. “Alright, I’m sorry. I shouldn't have pushed. And I
wouldn't have if I had known it would make you go all super nova on me.” I
turned my head to look at the girl as she stopped walking, making me stop as
well.
“What?” I asked rather confused.
“If you want to keep your relationship a secret then that fine. Just tell me
next time.” I was still looking at the weird girl in confusion. “He’s one of
the sports players isn't he? And he hasn't come out of the closet yet so you
have to act like you aren't seeing anyone, and if he finds out that someone
knows then he will be rather angry. I got it all figured out.” This girl knows
everything or pretty close to everything. I could feel my eyes grow wider as
she spoke through her explanation. My breath started coming in pants again
after I had just gotten it under control. “Whoa! Hey, Basil. Don’t do this!”
My world was spinning this time. My eyes focused on too many things. Ken’s
going to hurt me again. She knows! They all know! They’re laughing behind my
back! They just act worried! No one has ever worried before! Why would they
start now? Mom and Dad probably know too. Probably saying it was probably the
only thing I was good for and deserved. He probably doesn't even care. He won’t
look at me or touch me anymore! He didn't do it before, but it will only get
worse! Why did she have to know?
Why did this have to happen? Why did Ken have to come into my room and say all
those things? Do what he did? I’m dirty. And trash. My parents have always
known it. He didn't even pay attention to me at all, and Ken said that he
worried about me? It wasn't true. He was lying. He lied about everything. He
knew that Ken was there. He knew what was happening at his party. He knew that-
There was a huge pain in my head before my vision went black and the shouting
voices around me increased in volume then stopped.
---------
There was a pounding in my head as my mind came back to me. A groan left my
lips, the muscles in my face contacting to try to help the pain. I heard the
beeping around me before I opened my eyes to see the white washed walls around
me. A hospital? I quickly closed my eyes again, the bright light making my head
pound more.
“Ah, Mr. Aden. Finally wake?” A man’s voice filled the room. I hadn't heard the
door open or footsteps so he must have been there while I was asleep. I groaned
in response. “You gave Miss King quite a scare when you collapsed.” What was he
talking about? And who was Miss King? “Forgive me, I should have told you where
you were first I think, I’m rather new at this.” The caused me to open my eyes
again, scanning the room so that they could land on the man that looked to be
in his late 20s. “I’m Dr. David, and you’re at Blanc Memorial Hospital. You
were brought here after you collapsed in the hallway at your school. You had
quite the bump on your head.” I collapsed? This man didn't seem like a doctor
but he was in a white coat and the name tag said he was.
“Collapsed?” I heard my voice ask, almost sounding suspicious of the older man.
“Yes. Right in the middle of the hallway on your school way to the nurse’s
office it would seem, if your classmates and teacher were telling the truth.” I
shut my eyes again, my head still pounding and the cheery doctor’s voice wasn't
helping any. “Here. This should help.” Finger tips pressed something into my
open palm that rested on the thin white blankets. “It will help with the
headache. Having hit a marble floor, it must hurt.” The bed started moving so I
was I was sitting up now. My eyes opened again as a nurse brought a cup of
water to the doctor and the doctor brought it to me. “Here you are Mr. Aden, a
little help for that pill go down.”
Taking the paper cup in hand, my eyes just stared at the clear liquid within.
What was going on? Shouldn't they have brought me to the school nurse and let
me wake up there? Mom and Dad are going to be so mad when they have to pay for
this doctor’s bill. Why did they have to bring me here? It wasn't a big deal. I
hit my head on the bathroom floor last night and blacked out for a moment. This
wasn't any different.
“Mr. Aden there are some things that I need to talk to you about.” The rather
extreme doctor stated bringing me back from my thoughts. “First, though take
the medicine, I promise it will help with that head ache.” He picked up my hand
hold the two small pills and brought it up. “I’m sure I don’t need to do
everything for you. You are a capable young man after all.” I nodded my head,
making myself wince as the movements made my head throb more. The two pills
were placed in my mouth after another moment and the water cup touched my lips
only a few seconds later, helping me swallow the medicine. “Now, about why you
are here. Well obviously, because you banged your head quite hard on the floor
of your school and you wouldn't wake up.” He took the empty cup from my hand
and tossed it into the trash can on the other side of the white room. “Still
got it.” The man stated with a wide smile. He confused me. Weren't ER doctors
supposed to be old? Whenever he had to go to the emergency room they always
were.
“Now, why did you fall and hit your head on the floor? Do you remember? Miss
King said she was talking to you then you started to hyperventilate, you did
the same thing in the classroom that’s why you were on your way to the nurse’s
office. Is this true?”
Hyperventilating? I don’t remember that. I remember- My eyes went wide. I’m at
a hospital. What if they found out what Ken did? What if they checked down
there? My hands went under the blankets and felt the fabric of the same clothes
that I had been wearing. But that doesn't matter! What if they found out? Maybe
they would just think I had a boyfriend like Evangeline did. Evangeline! She
knows! She’s going to go talk to Ken about it! What am I going to do? Ken will
hurt me again. He will find out. He already knows though. He sent Ken after me.
Mom and Dad will find out. The doctors will tell them. They have to, right? It
has to do with my health and I’m still underage, still a minor. My parents have
to know. What will they do when they find out? They’ll look down on me even
more. There would be no way that he would let this happen to him. He’s too good
for this to happen to him. Too strong to let someone hold him down and use him
like Ken did to me.
“Mr. Aden? Basil?”
“Please don’t tell them!” I all but shouted at the older man, making him jump
back slightly in surprise.
“I have to tell them you collapsed. They have to know what they’re paying for
after all and what you were sent here for.”
“Don’t tell them what Ken did to me! Please!” I could feel the burn of tears at
the corners of my eyes. I shut them quickly shaking my head, trying to make
them go away. I had cried too much already.
“What? What did Ken do to you?” His voice took on a different tone then.
Realization dawned on me. He didn't know. And I had just about spilled
everything. I could feel him move closer to me and place one of his hands on my
shoulder. “What did Ken do to you?” He asked again, pushing me to tell him. I
shook my head again, pulling away from his touch.
“It’s n-nothing. Ju-just a dr-dream I had.” My eyes opened and I offered a
small forced smile. “So-sorry.” I could tell from his face that he didn't
believe me, but I wasn't going to say anything more. “Wh-when can I go-go
home?” Was my next question, I wanted to get away. I wanted to get far away
from this place, this person.
“Just as soon as we can see that everything is alright with your noggin. I
think your brother is waiting in the waiting room to take you when I’m done
with you.” He was here? Not Mom or Dad? “Now, look straight into the light, see
how your eyes are dilating.” With that he turned my head to face him, holding
up a small flash light. He flashed it on and off a few times with each eye.
The visit with the overly excitable doctor ended when he gave me a prescription
for a large amount of a medication that was just like your everyday Motrin, a
prescription for a nerve medication to calm them and a recommendation for a
therapist so I won‘t have panic acts again so I won‘t ‘bang my noggin’ on the
school floor. Walking down the large hall in the hospital almost to the waiting
room where he would be waiting for me with the three pieces of paper in hand I
stopped in my tracks.
“Basil, you okay?” My whole body stiffened at the sound of his voice, my
breathing becoming deeper and shaky as I felt his form grow closer to my
smaller one. “Basil?” He was in front of me, his light green eyes looking at me
with slight concern. ‘Scott worries about you.’ Ken’s voice came running
through my head. “Basil!” My body jumped slightly as he gripped my shoulders
scaring me out of my thoughts and causing my skin to burn under my shirt,
making a gasp come from my lips. His hands left my shoulders as quickly as they
had come, as if his hands had been burned. “Sorry.” He turned around, his back
to me now. “Come on. Mom and Dad are waiting at home.” I nodded my head and
quickly stepped behind him in his shadow, almost like a duckling following its
mother.
He led me through the parking lot, to the car the Mom and Dad had gotten him
for his 16th birthday, it was brand-new. They were practically the first ones
to drive it, the dealer had said. It was only two years old and it the way
nicer then both Mom and Dad’s cars. The Lexus was shining in the afternoon sun
as he unlocked the doors and motioned for me to get into the passenger seat. I
slid onto the leather seat. I made sure to stuff the papers the doctor had
given me into my pocket, before seat belting myself into the car.
If would be a 30-45 minute drive to our house from the hospital depending in
the traffic. That meant 30 or more minutes in the same car with him with no one
else around. My eyes glanced over at him as he turned the key making the car
come to life around us.
“What happened? I was in chemistry when I was called to the office because you
had collapsed on the floor and wouldn't wake up and they were taking you to the
hospital.” His voice floated over me and around me, surrounding me in a blanket
that I craved more than anything. He was talking to me, really talking to me,
wanting to know about me.
“I do-don’t kn-know.” I confessed for the second time that day, my head tilted
down.
“Don’t tell me that. I know that Evangeline girl was with you, the new one. You
were talking to her both times. What did she do to you?” Evangeline?
“Sh-she didn't do an-anything to-to me.”
“Bullshit.” His voice took on an angry tone, making me shy away from him
leaning more against the door as much as the seatbelt would allow. “She would
have had to have done something. You've never passed out before.”
“It was-wasn't her f-fault.” I told him, making his brow frown.
“Stay away from her.” I didn't go around her to begin with! She was the one
that came to me! “She’s obviously bad for you.”
Was she any worse than your best friend?
“She didn't do anything!” I insisted, sticking up for the girl that I barely
knew. I heard him snort from beside me.
“Don’t go near her.” His voice sounded almost deadly as he spoke to me, his
eyes glaring at the road in front of him. Was this what Ken meant when he said
that he worried about me? His voice sounded almost possessive.
“Sh-she came to-to me.” I stated my head hanging down. The car started to slow
down. We weren't at our house yet, why was he slowing down? I watched out of my
window as he turned onto a side road, glancing over at him for a moment, almost
afraid to ask where we were going because his hands were gripping the steering
wheel so hard that his knuckles were white.
He drove for a few more miles before turning off onto a dirt road, the car
jumping slightly from the change of pavement to gravel. I was afraid. I didn't
know this person. He wasn't my brother. My brother never spoke more than a few
words to me at any given time. I could feel my inside growing cold, my skin
starting to crawl and my body start to shake slightly. This was too much.
Hadn't I been through enough these past two days as it was? Why was he doing
this?
He pulled off again to drive into the tall yellow grass into a field, stopping
after a few minutes. His hand moved the car into park then shut it off. Both of
his hands were still on the steering wheel in front of him. I was pressed as
close to the passenger door as possible.
“Why do you stick up for her?” Those were the words that broke the terrifying
silence. My heart was beating so loud in my ears that it took me a moment to
understand what he said.
“I-I don-don’t know.” I had been wondering the same thing. The fast movements
that he made from beside me took me off guard as he took off his seatbelt and
leaned over the console of the car, his strong muscled arms reached over for my
smaller form, gripping and pulling me to his chest. My breath stopped for a
moment. This wasn't like the light touch at the hospital or the brushing of
hands or legs at the table. He wanted this. He made this happen.
I could hear his heart pounding in his chest, my ear pressing over top of the
spot where it was located. His body was warm wrapped around me. I had longed to
be touched like this by him. To be held so tightly in his arms. But it scared
me as it happened. I couldn't make my body relax against him, to relax against
the body that I had craved for so long. My body was trembling.
“Do I scare you that much?” His voice was softer now, almost a whisper.
Yes, I wanted to shout at him. Yes, you never look twice at me, have never
touched me like this since we were tiny kids and yet here you are holding me. I
wanted to cry, to scream even. Just to do something, but my body was frozen. My
body remembered, even if my mind did not at the moment, what Ken had done to
it. He had held me too. Ken had whispered words into my ear, had told me things
I didn't want to hear. He scared me.
Tears prickled at the corners of my eyes. I had cried more in these two days
then I had ever had before. I couldn't help it. All these emotions and feels
running around in my head and caressing over my body it was too much. Why
couldn't things go back to how they were before? Why did Ken have to screw
everything up? I can see it now people in school looking at me. The teachers,
the students. Everyone. With worried eyes, and sometimes sad. It frightened me
more then what he was doing now. I want to go back to being invisible. I let
hot tears roll down my cheeks, my hands going to clutch at the front of his
shirt.
“Yes.” I stated to answer his long ago question. His body jerked just slightly
for a moment away from my smaller one. It must have shocked him. Shocked him
that he scares me.
“I see.” His arms loosened around me a moment later, allowing me to fall back
into my seat next to him.
“Scott.” I stated softly, saying his name for the first time, since I could
remember. He stopped in his retreat, seeming almost as surprised about his name
coming from my lips as when he found out I was scared of him. “Please, I-” I
couldn't find the right words. I felt dirty, clinging to him. Dirty from all
the things that Ken had done to me. I felt like screaming again as tears still
fell down my cheeks. And dirty from how I felt about my older brother. I
shouldn't feel this way about him. I shouldn't love him like I do. He’s my
world.
“It’s okay Basil.” He cooed softly to me, one of his large hands going to rub
at my back. This is how I wanted things from the very beginning, for him to
hold me like he was now, for him to touch our lips together softly, then to
grow more passionate. I wanted him to be the one to-
I pushed on his chest then, pushing him away from me. I’m dirty. I squeezed my
eyes shut as I moved away from him.
“Please, stop.” I stated my voice tearful. I couldn't let him touch me. I would
only make him dirty. Why did Ken have to do this to me? I can’t handle this,
him being so nice to me. Acting like I really was there. He never has done that
before. It’s all because of what Ken did to me. I heard a sigh before the
warmth of his body pulled away from me. I moved to push myself close to the
door again, pulling my legs up onto the seat with me. He righted himself in his
seat and re-buckled his seatbelt.
My heart was beating quickly within my chest, my body shaking. We had been so
close. He had held me. We pulled back out onto the main road after a while,
heading to our house for sure this time.
He held me. He held me like he would have someone he really cared about. Maybe
what Ken had said was right. He cares about me, and worries about me. I can
remember all their faces back in the classroom, worried expressions. Even the
teacher’s. Why did they care about me? Why does he care about me? I’m nothing.
I’m not good at anything like he is. I’m dirty. I let myself be used like a
common whore. I didn't stop Ken from using my body. He would have stopped
someone from doing that to him. I didn't though.
“I was scared.” He broke the silence as we turned onto the road to our family’s
home. I looked over at him. “I was scared when they told me that the ambulance
was there to take you away. That you had collapsed in the hallway and had
banged your head on the floor rather hard and wouldn't wake up.” He paused for
a moment, his teeth coming out to bite on his bottom lip. “I felt my whole body
grow cold. I was so scared that I wouldn't get to see you again.” He just left
it at that as we pulled into the driveway. He parked the car next to mom and
dad’s and left.
I sat in the car, my mind processing the new information that he had just given
me. Why did he just leave after he said those things? Why couldn't he have told
me why? Or when he started caring about me? He never acted like it before, why
start now?
The next day of school was filled with questions, mostly from my teachers and
Evangeline. Who, despite my attempt to not speak to her like he said not to,
followed me and talked to me anyway. My head was still filled with the words
that he had said yesterday. He didn't say anything to me the rest of the night,
seeming to avoid me when we were in the same room as each other. I was
wondering why he had been like that when only earlier that day he held me, and
spoke to me like he cared. His behavior after we got home was nothing like the
him beforehand.
A knock came at the door to our classroom, making the teacher stop mid-sentence
and the students to look to the door. A ‘come in’ was yelled from the teacher
before the door opened. My heart started pounding as Ken walked through the
door, a smile blooming over his face.
“I’m here for Basil Aden. The office wants him.” Every eye in the room turned
to look at me. Why one of the baseball players would want me, was probably
going through their minds. I felt fear grip my stomach as I stood from my seat.
“Oh! And you won’t be returning. This will take the rest of the day.” That
wasn't saying much, seeing as how we only had about 30 minutes left of school.
I picked up my stuff, carrying it in my arms as my eyes pleaded with someone to
stop me. I didn't want to go with him. Please someone stop me! Save me from
him. My feet were going as slowly as I could without causing it to look like I
was going slowly for some reason. My mind was going totally blank as I reached
the older boy and we left the classroom.
He gripped my arm as the door closed firmly behind us. I wanted to run from
him, to get as far away as possible. We walked a little ways, toward the hall
of lockers; there were no classroom doors around there. No one would see what
he would do to me unless they walked by.
“Put your stuff in your locker, they‘re waiting for you in the office.
Something about the school’s liability or something like that.” The smile had
dropped from his face, leaving a hard frown in its place. I trembled as he let
me go and I headed over to do as he said. The metal rattled as I opened my
locker, quickly stuffing my books and binders inside, trying to be as quick as
I could, not wanting to make him mad so he would hurt me more.
My body was visibly shaking by the time I walked back over to him. He took my
arm again and led me around some more through our school. Is that all he was
there for? He wasn't going to hurt me, use me again? My body was starting to
calm down slightly, my breath coming easier.
My brow frowned after a moment. This wasn't the way to the office. My eyes grew
wide as I missed a step and stumbled, my body hit his body, my free hand
clutched at his clothing to keep myself from falling to the hard floor. His
eyes were on me as I regained my balance, a smirk now present on his face. This
was the way to the gym, a place I tried hard to avoid.
“Aww, Basil. Falling for me?” My eyes went to the floor, it was an overused
line for sure and a corny one, but it wasn't what mattered at the moment. Our
journey began again, he never once let go of me as we moved. I did try to pull
myself free from his hold, but he only made it tighter making me wince. I was
sure I was going to have a bruise there come morning.
The large area was empty as he pushed the door open and pulled me through. He
didn't waste time as he dragged me to the locker room. My nose was assaulted
once we had pushed through the door with the odor of urine and other unpleasant
smells. His large body pressed me against the wall right next to the door, his
hand leaving my arm so that both could be placed on either side of my hips. His
breathing was growing heavier as my hands pushed against his chest to try to
dislodge him from his place.
“Remember. Make a noise and more pain will come.” I bit my bottom lip to keep
from crying out as he pulled me from the wall and fast stepped over to the
changing area.
“Please don’t.” I whispered out to him, struggling but not much.
“You didn't protest much last time. Scott wouldn't like it if he knew you were
arguing with me.” Once we had entered into the almost empty area he pushed me
up against the wall again, claiming my lips. My eyes closed, my mind trying to
make this all go away. To make it a part of my imagination, but the way his
tongue ran across my tightly closed lips kept it from being so. “Come on Basil.
Open your lips for me. I promise you’ll like it.” This boy, he took away
everything from me. I shook my head, my lips staying closed along with my eyes.
“He wouldn't want you to do this-” His mouth covered mine, his tongue slipping
into my mouth as soon as we came into contact. My eyes opened wide, my hands
once again going up to push against his chest. He was so much larger and
stronger then I was. It was my fault for opening my mouth to talk, to give this
to him as well. I don’t want this! I could feel his tongue running over my
teeth, over the soft flesh of the insides of my cheeks; touching my own tongue
that coward at the bottom of my mouth.
One of his hands held my chin, keeping my chin in place for him to violate my
mouth. The other was caressing my skin through my shirt, working its way down
so that it was at the hem before long. His fingertips moved under my shirt
making my body try to squirm away from his touch on my bare skin. My eyes were
squeezed shut again and I tried with all my strength to pull away. I pushed on
his shoulders and forcefully turned my head to the side.
“Please. Let me go. I don’t want this!” My voice rose slightly but not enough
to bring anyone else. I heard him snort.
“I don’t care what you want.” His hand brought my head up again. “Look at me.”
I kept my eyes shut. “Look at me!” His fingers gripped so tightly it forced my
jaw open, my eyes slid open to look up at Ken. “All he does is talk about you
when we’re together. That’s all he talks about nothing else. I couldn't even
talk to him yesterday because he was pulling his hair out because you were
hurt.” My expression must have looked confused because Ken laughed softly.
“Basil this, Basil that. That’s all he ever says when we’re alone.” Was Ken
jealous of me? But he has nothing to be jealous of! He doesn't even talk to me.
Doesn't do anything. A brush of limbs, that’s it. “He called me last night
crying and whining about how you didn't want him to hug you and that you are
scared of him.” Did he really? I felt tears coming to the corners of my eyes.
No matter what he said my jaw was hurting!
“Hurts.” I managed to get out from my lips.
“I know something that hurts more.” He released my jaw and spun me quickly
around so that my chest was pressed to the wall more. My hands braced me there
as I felt his working their way down to the waist of my jeans.
“No!” I pushed against the wall to try to dislodge him but nothing worked. His
hands had unfastened my belt, the two ends clicking together with my struggle
and Ken’s hands in their way. The button on my jeans came next, then the sound
of the metal zipper being pulled down. “Please, stop.” I sobbed out. We were in
school! Anyone could come in here and see this. See him using me. “Please.” My
pants had been dropped down my legs, pooling around my feet. He could come in
here. He comes to this place every day. I felt his hands at the waist band of
my boxers, pulling on the hem to make them slide down my backside. “Please
Ken.” I begged. “Stop.”
“No.” He stated as I heard the sound of another zipper opening. I didn't know
what to believe. His body was pressed to my back, his mouth going to lick at my
hair line and then below it. “Remember Basil. Don’t make a sound. It’s easier
to hear from this locker room, then your room. Remember that.” His lips closed
around the back my neck, sucking and licking, as one of his hands held my hips
still.
----
My head was resting in my open palm as I listened to the teacher go on and on
about some war that happened so long ago. It had been a few weeks since Ken had
done anything to me, which was good because Evangeline was starting to wonder
and ask questions about the bruises on my body. He on the other hand didn't say
a word.
But the words that Ken had said from our last meeting, the locker room, were
still going through my head on repeat, and what he said as well.
Did he really care that much about? He’s never shown it before. But what Ken
said was just when they were alone did he talk about me. Alone? I felt that I
knew one thing for sure, Ken was jealous of me. But in a way, I’m kind of
jealous of him. He touches him, talks to him, laughs with him. I don’t get any
of that. Though if he was just purely jealous of me, why did he say that he
wanted me the first time he- Raped me. It doesn't make any sense.
“Basil. Earth to Basil!” I felt a light knock to my head as those words were
spoken. I groaned slightly since I was beginning to get a headache.
“Stop it Ev.” The strange girl had insisted on me calling her by her nickname
and not her full one. I lifted the hand that was rested on the desk in front of
me to shoo her hand away from my head. “I have a headache.”
“You always have a headache. Its nothing new. You should just get used to it,
my ray of sun shine.” I let a snort come from my lips.
“Thanks for being so sympathetic.”
“No problem. Anyway, weekend!” She gets way too overly excited about days that
she gets to sleep in. “So the new restaurant just opened up, the one that’s
supposed to be really fancy and stuff men have to wear jackets and ties in the
city like 45 miles from here, that one, and mom and dad got reservations. They
wanted me to ask you if you wanted to go. For my lack-o-friends, ya’ know.”
Does she ever stop talking? “But I think it will be fun. We could talk about
which waiters are hot and stuff.”
“Wait, your mom and dad want to take me to this really high class restaurant?
They haven’t even met me.”
“So.” I think my personality changes when I’m around this girl. I’m not sure if
that’s a good thing or a bad thing. “They've heard enough about you from me.”
She waved her hand like it was nothing. Who knows what she told them. “Plus
they are kind of like hippies, they get along with everyone. As long as you’re
not killing dolphins.”
“Killing dolphins?” I asked as I gathered my books from my desk seeing as how
school was over and I could go home.
“Yep. It’s a new thing that they’re working on. Our house is littered by
posters and buttons and videos and DVDs and cameras and all that kind of stuff
about dolphins. They’re going on a trip in a few weeks to protest against
killing them.” I raised my eyebrow as we emerged from the classroom.
“Isn't illegal already to kill dolphins?”
“Not a clue.” I sighed softly as I stuffed my books into my locker and
Evangeline did the same next to me. “So you in?”
“I don’t have a jacket and tie.” I admitted, a redness coming to my cheeks.
“Don’t worry. I think my cousin was about as small as you are. You can borrow
his old one. He lives in that city. I think mom and dad wanted to stop in there
and visit anyway.” She just had everything figured out. Leaving me with no
choice but to take her offer. Though one or maybe two things stood in my way.
Mom and Dad and him. He had forbidden me to speak to this girl. What will he do
if he finds out that I was asked to dinner by her parents?
“I’ll have to ask my parents.” I informed her as we walked out of the school
building. I hadn't seen him or Ken; baseball practice must have already
started. She was the one that snorted this time.
“I haven’t even met your parents and they seem like total douches.” She was
kind of right I suppose. It just had to do with what kind of person you were
and where you came from if they were snobs or not. I was part of the group of
people that they didn't like, I suppose. “If you want, I could come over and
ask with you?” My eyes went wide and my heart started beating faster.
“No! You can’t!” I all but shouted at her. She jumped slightly, having never
heard me raise my voice before. I felt my cheeks heat up at my outburst. “It’s
just that-” My eyes were on the ground and one of my hands rubbed at the back
of my neck. “It would be more likely that they would let me go if your parents
talked to them.” I couldn't tell her that my brother hated her and would get my
parents to say no if he said not to let me go.
“Okay, don’t get your panties in a bunch. I’ll have them call your parents.
What’s your number?” With that she took out a cell phone from her pocket and
slid to unlock it ready to punch in the numbers that I said.
“555-2468.”
“Okay, got it. Now hold still so I can get a picture to put with your number.”
She held her smart phone and snapped a picture before lowering and locking the
phone, putting it back into her pocket. “Alright. I’ll have them call your
parents. It should be around 6, I guess. That’s what time they decide that they
can take a break from saving dolphins and come back to real life for a bit.”
She turned on the side walk, going a different way than me. “I’ll see you
tomorrow if everything goes well!” She held up two of her fingers for the sign
of peace before she started to walk home.
My hands went into my pockets as I waited for the light to change. What was I
going to do? What would mom and dad do when they hear about this? I should have
just told her no. Nothing would happen if I had just said no. But I want to go.
I want to hang out with my friend. I've never had anyone to hang out with
before. But he will stop me from going. He’ll be so mad when he finds out I
didn't stop talking to her, seeing her. He probably already knows though.
Someone would have told him already.
My feet were taking me the way home, like they had done so many times before
without a thought. Everything was how it should be around here. The grass mowed
to a certain length, houses all perfectly in a row, dogs quiet in their yards
as I passed them. Everything was so peaceful, why was inside my head like this?
“Hey Basil!” I looked to the pouch of one of the older couples in our
neighborhood; they were the people that had babysat when I was too young to tag
along to his baseball games and practices. I took out one of my hands and waved
at them, offering a small smile. I think they were the only ones that ever
really saw me.
“How are you doing Mr. and Mrs.-” I paused for a moment. “David.” Could they be
related to the doctor that saw me at the hospital a few weeks ago?
“We’re doing just fine dear. Why don’t you come over and have a cup of tea with
us. I just made chocolate chip cookies!” The elderly women offered. Without
protest I walked up to the wooden porch, sitting on the stairs.
“I can’t stay long. Mom and Dad will wonder where I am.” A lie, but it was
better that they didn't worry about me.
“We heard that you had to go to the hospital a few weeks back. Is everything
alright? The news almost gave Burney here a heart attack.” Her laughter was
shown in her words of her husband getting all worked up over me. “You know we
think of you as our own grandchild.” She said with her gentle smile.
“I’m fine. I just fell during school and hit my head.” I explained taking the
small plate that she had offered to me.
“Our grandson works up there now.” It was Mr. David that spoke this time. “I
think he was your doctor when you went up there. He wouldn't say anything
though.” He laughed softly, giving me a small wink. I nibbled on the cookie,
the flavors exploding in my mouth. I loved this lady’s cooking. It was one of
the things I had to look forward to when I was a little kid. “What did you
think of him? He’s just out of medical school.”
“He was-” I didn't know how to say it. Should I tell them he was overly happy
and excitable? He kind of reminded of me of Evangeline in a way, truth be told.
“By that silence he was a little much. Greg was always the wild one of his
siblings and cousins.” Mrs. David laughed softly.
“I wasn't going to say that.” I protested almost childishly.
“But you were thinking it.” The older man stated while handing me a cup of
their herbal tea. They didn't buy the packets of stuff at the supermarket. They
bought the stuff you had to get at the specialty store and the kind that their
family sent them from overseas. They were what I called ‘closet rich.’ It means
that they were rich but they didn't seem to be. They didn't have all this new
fancy stuff that just came out, didn't fly all over the world. They just seemed
like your everyday people. I didn't really know what they did for a living or
what they had but they were always super nice. I took a few sips of the tea and
set it on the table that they had beside them. The flavor had reminded me of my
favorite moments of my childhood.
“I should be getting back home.” I stated and stood from my seat.
“But you just got here.” Burney protested from his place next to his wife a
look of distress coming over his face.
“I know, but my friend’s parents are going to call Mom and Dad and invite me
out to that new restaurant over in the city.” Their old wrinkled faces
brightened when I said the word friend.
“A friend?”
“Yeah. Her name is Evangeline. She’s new to our school.”
“Oh! A girl. She doesn't follow Scott around like all the other ones?” I shook
my head slightly, my body still standing.
“No. She thinks sports are overrated and pointless.” A few days ago before a
pep rally she explained that the average professional sports player made more
in a year then an average person in a life time, and that all they have to do
is go out on a field and play like they did when they were kids. I had to
admit, she had a point. Both of them were smiling largely at me as I started
walking down the path back to the road.
“We’re happy for you Basil!” Mrs. David called, making my lips curve upward a
bit. It had been so long since I smiled, I think I almost forgot how to.
When I got home, everything was how it should have been; he was sitting on the
couch. He wasn't supposed to be home. What happened to practice? No matter how
it unnerved me, I headed to my room. I could feel his eyes watching me. My
heart in my chest beat uncontrollably from his gaze. What was he doing home? He
should have been a school still, out on the baseball field. Now what am I going
to do? With him here I wouldn't be able to go with Evangeline and her parents.
He’ll tell Mom and Dad not to let me go.
I set my school bag down next to the door, my back pressed against the wood. I
let myself slide down the door, so that my knees were bent to my chest so that
I could rest my head on them. Its feeling was new to me. The feeling of being
trapped. He was watching me more now days. I could feel his eyes on me as I
moved around the house, when we were sitting at the table eating a meal with
our parents. Everywhere. I feel like an animal in a cage, being prodded and
pointed at, watched every moment over every signal day. Even at school, I can
feel eyes on me at all times. Not Evangeline’s, but other peoples. The
teachers, the students.
A knock sounded at my door, making it rattle slightly against my back.
“Basil. I need to talk to you.” Dad. I turned my head to look back at the door.
He never talks to me. Doesn't really talk to anyone. Mom is the one that
usually gets the point across where he doesn't have to do anything. If he wants
to talk just to me without anyone else, it must mean that this is something he
doesn't want to talk to with Mom. I had seen him go into his room like this
before. I stood from my place against the door and turned the handle. Why did
he want to talk to me?
Dad walked into my room without being told he could, but he didn't need
permission, he was my Dad after all. He gets his looks from Dad and his height.
Dad stood about 6 foot 6 inches. I’m very short compared to the other males in
our family, standing only about 5 foot 8 inches.
“Your mom and I got a call from a girl named Evangeline’s parents.” He took a
seat on my bed, you could barely tell that his hair color was a dirty blonde in
my room; the light was very dull in here. Wait- She was supposed to call at 6!
Not when she just got home. I watched my father; my eyes probably looked
frightened, because he patted the bed beside him. I followed the unspoken
ordered and sat down next to him, my hands twisted together in my lap, my eyes
on them now. “Your mom doesn't want you to go. Scott-” I knew it. He told them
not to let me go. I squeezed my eyes shut, holding back the tears. I didn't
know that I would feel like this if they said no. “Said to let you go.” What?
My eyes opened in shook and quickly looked up at my father’s face. The older
man nodded to me.
“But he doesn't even like her! He told me to stay away from her!” I protested,
causing one of my father’s eyebrows to lift in question. I bit my bottom lip,
looking down at my lap again.
“Anyway, your Mom is still against letting you go. But we didn't give them an
answer yet. We’re going to call them later.” One of his hands went to my back
to rub there softly. “I’m happy for you.” I looked back up at him, his lips
were curved up. “You finally made friends with someone. I know it’s hard with
your brother being kind of famous around here for you to make them.” He brought
me into a hug. My father never hugged me before. I felt kind of awkward lifting
my arms and wrapping them around him too.
“Dad?” I asked confused.
“I’ll do my best to get your mother to say yes. You need to get out and enjoy
your friends.” He spoke into my hair at the top of my head. He pulled away
after a moment and stood. He reached his hand out and ruffled my already messy
hair. And with that he left, leaving me still rather confused. He had never
acted like that before. Maybe when I was really small, but not that I could
clearly remember.
Why was everyone acting so weird and out of character? It was strange and it
was setting me more on edge.
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