Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/12376350. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage Category: F/F, F/M, M/M Fandom: Criminal_Minds_(US_TV) Relationship: Alex_Blake_&_David_Rossi, Derek_Morgan/Spencer_Reid, The_rest_you_will have_to_read_to_see Character: Aaron_Hotchner, Derek_Morgan, Spencer_Reid, David_Rossi, Penelope_Garcia, Elle_Greenaway, Jennifer_"JJ"_Jareau, Emily_Prentiss, Ashley_Seaver, Erin Strauss Stats: Published: 2017-10-15 Words: 2397 ****** The Reason Behind His Glare ****** by criminalmindss312and309 Summary This is one of my older stories I wrote about two years ago. This is one of my favorites. It's a Hotch story and I wrote my intake on why he rarely smiles. This is Hotch story, he will be having flashbacks HORRIBLE NIGHTMARES,about his past, but he won't realize it right away.. A case in Mississippi will haunt him and eventually he will realize his nightmares might not just be nightmares.. It is very dark in some places and and very emotional, read at your own risk!!!!!!!!! The Introduction 1975.. Hotch POV.. "Wake up Aaron I heard a voice say"..My eight year old body didn't want to wake up.. I tried turning over but that was a mistake.. "Wake up you little bastard his voice said"... Before I could fully register the demand I was snatched from the bed by my hair and thrown to the floor.. I cried out which earned me a sharp kick to my back.. "Didn't I tell you to wash the fucking dishes my father whispered harshly?" " I I I did I cried holding my side"... "Are you calling me a lier boy he asked?" "No, I said", whimpering and shaking... I looked over at my five year old brother Sean bed and was glad he was a hard sleeper.. That also explained why daddy was whispering... Sean never witnessed any of my beatings, my torture.. "Come with me", my father whispered harshly.. I stood painfully and followed him to the kitchen.. My mother obviously wasn't home because he wasn't keeping his voice down now..." Look in the sink", he screamed once we were in the kitchen.. I looked in the sink and there was a spoon.. one little spoon.. "When I tell you to do something I mean it boy he yelled,now you must be punished"..I couldn't stop the tears because I didn't know which punishment I would receive...I looked at him with fear, and pleading.... He smiled and dropped his pants.. "You know what time it is you little bitch", he said as he removed his penis from his boxers... "Crawl to me"...I obeyed because this wasn't the worst punishment, although it was the grossest... "You know what to do and if you scrap my dick, I'm taking you to the barn house".. No my mind screamed because that was the absolute worst.. "I won't scrap you daddy I promised".. "You better not he said"...I opened my mouth wide and slowly took him into it, still crying and scared I would mess up... Hotch POV.. I stayed on my knees for hours, but daddy didn't care... He released that horrible white stuff, in my mouth three times, made me sallow it ,before he let me up.. He then took every dish out of the cabinets and made me rewash them all... Then he made me sit on the floor while he fussed at me even more.. "You are weak Aaron Hotchner, very weak.. I'm embarrassed you are my first born, you worthless piece of shit. You should have been a girl he said giggling.That's why I keep you on your knees he said laughing again.. You better not tell a soul I make you suck my dick, he threatened, or I will kill you he said with a sinister smile.. You understand he screamed"..Yes Daddy I said in a trembling voice.. "Good go to bed bitch, before I make you suck me again".. I hurried to bed... Sean was still sleep, snoring away, while I lay in the bed crying softly... Present Day.. I slept through my alarm and my phone ringing back to back for thirty minutes.... Since I was five minutes from the job, Morgan came to my house and banged on my door until I woke up.. My eyes were hurting, like I had been crying in my sleep... I glanced in the mirror and almost didn't recognize myself.. My hair was standing up in every direction.. My face was blotchy red and my eyes were blood shot red.." Hotch are you in there Morgan yelled".. I hurried to the door and opened it.. Hotch its nine thirty and..He paused taking in my reflection.. Are you alright Aaron he asked concerned? Yes I am I said lying, I just over slept... He looked looked he didn't believe me, but he let it go.. We have a case in Mississippi he finally said.. Give me ten minutes and I'll be ready.. On second thought go on to the BAU, I'll be there soon.. No disrespect but I don't think you should be driving man.. You look exhausted.. Morgan I'm fine.. No you aren't and I be damned if I let you drive in this state.. You are riding with me.. But, no buts he get dressed he ordered.. I smiled and repeated I would be dressed in ten minutes.. I'll grab your go bag after, but first in making you a cup of coffee.. Thanks Derek I said... No problem man he said as I walked back to my room... As I dressed I remembered my dream.. I didn't understand why I was dreaming about a boy been abused and hurt by his father and why the boy had my name... I didn't remember much about my childhood... As a matter of fact,I didn't remember anything before the age sixteen... It was strange ,but I didn't worry about it much.. My mother said my childhood was normal, Sean said I was a brat, but Dad never said much.. We weren't close ,but I respected the man, he was my father after all... The drama started about a year ago, after a case involving a young woman... The case was so sick, it broke my heart.. Her name was Casey and she was twenty one.. She had killed three father's of her friends, bc she said they all tried to rape her.. She really believed her story and was put under hypnosis to try to relive her childhood... Come to find out her father and mother raped and abused her for years . her father was a medical doctor, so after they raped her, he would use electric shot to make her forget.. But he always whispered after each rape, that she had the prettiest eyes like diamonds... She never forgot that, so when her three friends father's said the same thing innocently, her mind snapped back to that dark place she didn't understand.. And she waited till they were alone in their own home,and then killed then with a single blow to the temple.. The last friend walked in as she struck her father, and that's how she was caught by us.. She sat beside the body, just crying and in shock, the friend called us and that was it.. Anyway the nightmare started that night and continued each night... I couldn't tell anyone without looking crazy, so I kept the nightmares to myself... I quickly dressed and walked out to the kitchen.. Here you go Morgan said smiling.. You don't look like something from a creep show he said laughing.. Shut up I said... We laughed as we walked to his car...   Morgan POV... It wasn't like Hotch to never be late.. Especially not almost two hours late... Even when Haley was killed two years ago, he was never late.. When he opened that door he looked like hell.. Of course I wouldn't tell him that, but he did... And his eyes were blood shot red, as if he had been crying....I didn't want to prey but I was going to watch him carefully... I love him like a brother and I be damned if I let something happen to him, especially since I knew something wasn't right... I changed the radio to a soft jazz station bc he didn't look like he wanted to hear nothing hard.. We drove to work in silence.. Thanks Morgan he said smiling slightly.. No problem Hotch you would do the same for me.. And whenever you need to talk, I am here he said.. I know I said... and again thanks.. Were walked into the conference room in silence... Hotch POV.. I'm sorry I'm late I apologized immediately.. It's ok Garcia said, we were just worried about you Boss Man.. No need I said, please fill me in.. The case is in Mississippi Garcia began... Ten year old Michael had been missing for three hours now... Why weren't we notified immediately JJ asked? The mother wasn't aware he was missing.. She claims to have worked over night, nine pm to five am... leaving the boy at home with his father.. She said both father and son was asleep, so she showered and went to sleep.. At six am the father woke her asking where Michael was.. She thought he was with him and told him so... They searched the house and outside, and then called the Mississippi Police Department... They contacted us at 7:30 and we called you but you didn't answer.. This unsub had a three hour head start, wheels up in ten minutes I said.. We all ready now Aaron, Dave said.. Good let's go I said looking at everyone.. I was ashamed that we had lost almost 2 hour because of my negligence... Our team was larger than it had been in years.. Nine of us, ten if you counted Strauss. Elle POV... Hey Morgan I called as we walked towards the jet, is Hotch ok? I don't know Elle, why do you ask? He looked like he didn't sleep much last night... Maybe he had a hot date he suggested laughing.. Morgan please, that man hadn't had a date since Haley died.. Maybe you should ask him out.. Go to hell Morgan I said blushing because I did have a tiny crush in our Boss.. But I wasn't telling anyone because I was to scared it may get back to him.. Your blushing Elle, Morgan said laughing.. You do have the hots for him.. Whatever meat head, I said.. You should ask him out he teased.. I will if you ask our resident genius out.. What he asked blushing hard because I see the blush through his dark skin.. Come on Morgan, I notice his you always touch him, how you eyes sparkle when you call him pretty boy.. Woman you are delusional, I'm a ladies man he boosted.. I knew he was lying although I didn't push it.. Derek and I are close and I knew in due time, were both would reveal our crushes to each other... but now wasn't the time because we had a little boy to save.. JJ POV... Spence did Hotch look like he was ok I asked? No JJ he looked tired, like he didn't get much sleep. he answered looking up from his books. Maybe he had a nightmare, he suggested.. Why do you think that I asked? Well people normally can't sleep for three reasons... They either are wired up about something, slept to much during the day, or it's nightmares he explained.. Obviously Hotch can't sleep in the day because we are here or on a case.. He could be wired up about something, but it would have to be serious to keep Hotch up.. You know Hotch wouldn't let anything mess with his sleep, unless he was worried about one of us or someone special, that he hadn't had since Haley.. So that leaves the nightmare he said.. What could keep him from sleeping though I asked? He looked at me strange and said seriously JJ? What we see and do on a daily basis would haunt anyone..I know that Spence, but until today our cases hadn't been that bad.. True but it could be an old case or something he explained.. True I said, we just need to keep an eye on him... Ok he agreed.. Heads up man crush entering I said teasing him.. His head jerked up from his book ,and he saw Morgan entering the jet with Elle.. Stop it JJ he said blushing hard. I couldn't control my laughter, which earned me a glare from Spence... I laughed some more because regardless of how many times he denied it, to me, I knew he has a crush on our resident play boy... Blake POV.. Dave, is it just me or do Hotch seem a more tired than usual? Yes as a matter of fact, he has looked tired this whole week.. Have you tried taking to him I asked? Of course I have, but you know Hotch won't admit anything unless he have no choice... You should try again Dave, you are the closest to him ,and even if he won't reveal what's bothering him today, he may do so soon.. I will he promised.. Thank you I said smiling... He leaned over and kissed my check.. Stop it I said blushing hard.. Why he said laughing softly? the team already know we are together.. I know that Dave, but in sure they don't want to see our public display of love.. Yes we do Morgan said laughing, making me blush harder.. Morgan you need a woman, Dave shot back... Dave I can have any woman I want... To much information player Dave said.. We all laughed, Morgan laughing the hardest... Ashley POV.. Emily I'm worried about Hotch I said.. I know Ashley, I am to.. He look like he hasn't had a proper good night sleep in the last week or so.. Do you think the nightmares are back I asked? Maybe she answered.. Although time has passed I don't think enough time can pass, for you to heal the hurt of losing your wife, and your son on the same day... He never talk about Jack or Haley she continued.. It's like they never existed.. . He beat him to death, and still that wasn't enough to heal him..And none of us talk about it either ,because we are all to afraid of him having a break down... Its not healthy she repeated. I nodded and said, let's keep an eye on him.. We will she promised.. Shush she said..I looked up and saw Hotch entering the plane.. Hotch POV... I entered the plane and without profiling my team, I know they all had been talking about me.. I wasn't upset though because I knew they all were concerned.. We all worry about each other.. I sat by myself but still in the view of the team.. We didn't bother debriefing because Garcia had gave us everything she had..I laid back, intending to rest only my eyes before we made it to Mississippi, which is a two hour trip.. But I got to comfortable and I was sleep before I realized it and of course I was having another nightmare... Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!