Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4822967.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Erwin_Smith/Jean_Kirstein
  Character:
      Jean_Kirstein, Erwin_Smith, the_rest_of_the_gang
  Additional Tags:
      First_Time, Canon_Setting, consensual!, Reibert_on_the_side, giftfic,
      Rotating_POV
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-09-18 Words: 7875
****** The Rather Awkward Misfortunes of Young Jean Kirstein ******
by shroomfairy
Summary
     Why did it always have to be him? Why not Eren for a change? Or
     Reiner! Why couldn’t someone else be the butt of the joke just for
     once?
Notes
     Giftfic for my darling BFF. First published in January 2014.
The second time Jean Kirstein attracted Commander Erwin Smith’s attention was
on a cold, windy morning.
So, this was the almighty Survey Corps? Frowning, Jean stood in the middle of
the yard of the former headquarters, broom in one hand. Right now, it felt more
like the Cleaning Corps of Doom. Also, why did he have to sweep the damn yard
all by himself? Jean hated sweeping, and the yard was huge. He’d even prefer
stables duty over this. At least there was no wind blowing in the stables.
Looking up into the sky, he knew there was a storm coming. Its precursors
already made his job virtually impossible to finish. He really didn’t wish to
get on that Levi guy’s bad side, though. The man in question had just left,
after basically having torn him a new one for his allegedly sloppy work. Not
only was he to start anew, no, Captain Tiny Bastard had made it clear that he
was not going to be released from sweeping duty for a whole month, if he didn’t
finish the job to his satisfaction, and in a timely fashion, too. He had been
given exactly thirty minutes to accomplish the impossible. Grumbling to
himself, Jean went back to work, but a particularly strong gust quickly
rendered his efforts useless. Then a drop of water fell on his nose, signalling
him that further unpleasantries were about to happen. Within minutes, heavy
rain was pouring down on him.
“Fuck this shit”, he muttered, ready to kick the broom across the yard. “I
really hate that guy! Who does he think he is?!”
If it weren’t for Captain “Neatfreak” Levi, Jean could be having breakfast by
now. But no!
Soaked to the skin in a matter of seconds, he contemplated going back inside,
dry off, and crawl into his bed for hiding. He was tired, sore, and freezing.
Screw Captain Little and his sweeping duties! If one was to ask him, something
was seriously wrong with that man. Humanity’s strongest or not.
Fucking titans sure don’t give a fuck about a yard so clean you could eat from
it! The whole fucking castle could be covered in dog shit, and they’d still
snack on us!
Carefully, Jean looked around, half-expecting the Evil Midget to be watching
him from somewhere.
“Join the fucking Survey Corps! Humanity needs you! You’ll most likely be dead
in four years, but hey! Why the fuck not?! Blabla-fucking-bla!” He almost
yelled, angrily fighting the hopeless fight against wind and weather. “I’ll be
dead all right! Killed by some fucking asshole mini soldier from hell who
didn’t like my fucking sweeping!”
“Recruit, what do you think you’re doing?”
Shit! He just had to go and say all that out loud, didn’t he? Jean spun round
in shock, almost tripping over the broom in the process. His eyes went wide as
saucers when he recognised just who it was standing before him.
He’d have much preferred Captain Foulmouth over this man.
Erwin Smith, Leader of the Survey Corps. One of the few people in whose
presence even he made sure to keep his mouth shut. This was a man who commanded
respect. From the looks of it, even the rain did not dare touch him. Okay, that
was a lie; Commander Smith was just as drenched as Jean himself was. Even his
hair, usually neatly combed, with not a single strand escaping, was
dishevelled.
Also, where had he come from this early in the morning anyway?
“S-Sir, I—I am sorry! I did not—I wasn’t—“
Why did it always have to be him? Why not Eren for a change? Or Reiner! Why
couldn’t someone else be the butt of the joke just for once?
“Go back inside, Recruit. We cannot have you catch a cold in this dreadful
weather.”
“Sir, yes, Sir!”
Almost smacking himself in the face with the end of the broomstick as he
saluted him, Jean Kirstein then made haste to do as told. An order by Commander
Smith trumped whatever orders Captain Scary Dwarf had given him. For once, Jean
considered himself extremely lucky, though. Not only had he got out of sweeping
duty, no, his improper outburst seemed to have gone unnoticed by his superior,
too.
Relieved, if still freezing, he quickly changed into something dry and warm.
Time for breakfast.
 
~
 
The third time Jean Kirstein attracted Commander Erwin Smith’s attention was
but a few days later, in the afternoon.
It was a well-known secret that Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover were more
than just friends. Such news were as old as Ymir’s not so one-sided crush on a
certain tiny blonde. Where it once used to be the cause for ill-natured gossip,
people these days did not care anymore. There were far more grave matters to
deal with at hand than who did what with whom behind closed doors. Titans,
anyone?
Normally, Jean couldn’t have cared less either—his first kiss had been with
Marco, after all—but did he have to be blessed with the questionable luck of
walking in on them doing the nasty? Sure, he could have knocked. But this was
his and Connie’s room, too, and Reiner and Bertholdt usually were rather
discreet. Also, it was the middle of the day. Cursing his rotten timing, while
taking notice of just how bendy Bertholdt was, he closed the door again, as
quietly as humanly possible.
Disregarding the losses he’d suffered, the choices he’d made, and where those
had led him—not the Military Police, gods, why?—Jean was a healthy, young man.
A healthy, young man with needs. Needs he found impossible to fulfil in his
current environment. Marco was dead. Something he forbade his thoughts to
linger on. Mikasa was not interested in his person at all. She probably hated
his guts even, considering how he and Eren got along. Then there was the
shyness, something people would usually last associate him with. Yes, Jean
Kirstein, the boy who never kept his thoughts to himself, and always managed to
put his foot in his mouth, was horribly shy when it came to matters of the
heart, or carnal desires, for that matter.
Face flushed deep crimson, he stumbled down the stairs, vivid pictures of his
roommates doing it burnt into his retina. Despite knowing what those two were
to each other, he’d not thought of them in that way before. Up until now, that
was. Now that he’d seen them in action, so to speak.
Later, during their daily lectures about different stratagems on how to outwit
titans during expeditions, he still couldn’t get his mind off of Reiner and
Bertholdt fucking. Thus, he failed to pay attention to the task at hand.
Already on a normal day, he found Commander Smith’s strategies hard to follow,
which proved just how great the gap between them was. He didn’t understand any
of the ideas behind his tactics. Jean wasn’t Armin. Therefore, he’d resorted
himself to simply memorising the places he and the unit he was part of had to
be. If, one day, he’d manage to accomplish half of his superior’s
achievements—in battle that was—he could call himself lucky indeed. He’d never
possess the mind to come up with battle strategies of such cunning. Compared to
Commander Erwin Smith, he didn’t mind being called stupid. Most people he knew
were beyond help compared to that man.
“Recruit Kirstein, are we boring you?”
Someone nudged his ribs, hard. Connie.
“W-what!?”
“Get up, Recruit!”
Well, shit!
“It appears you are quite unimpressed by what we’re doing here. Enlighten me,
please: would you have to offer a more efficient approach to solving any of the
aforementioned difficulties that might arise at points B5, D2, G4 as well as
H6? If so, I and your comrades would like to hear it.”
All he could do was look at him, his mouth opening and closing as that of a
stranded fish.
“I assume you do have some sort of input on what needs improving.” Smith was
pointing at the map of a particularly difficult formation, using a riding crop.
Knees wobbly, Jean rose to stand, swallowing hard. He’d really messed up this
time. What was he to do? Going down under the Commander’s stare, he wished a
hidden trap door would open up beneath him. Someone to his left sniggered,
others quickly following suit. It was rare enough for this man to give
lectures—usually it was Dita Ness instructing them on their upcoming mission—so
he wouldn’t be surprised if he’d just managed to become the number one on
Commander Smith’s shit list. Not that Jean could have told. The Commander was
not known for showing emotions, though his eyes did harden somewhat when he
continued to speak.
“Perhaps, you would like to retreat to a more private setting first, straighten
yourself out, Recruit Kirstein.”
That was when everybody else broke down in mad laughter. Well, except for one
person, who was giving a whistle instead. Reiner. The bastard!
“You are to report to my office, after dinner. Now, leave!”
When realisation finally hit him, Jean even would have preferred a fullblown
titan attack to this. Memories and thoughts of what he’d seen just an hour ago
had not left his body unaffected. He’d been so caught up in his daydreams, he,
at first, did not even realise how gravely he’d just embarrassed himself in
front of everybody; until it was too late, of course. Cursing his hormone-
ridden body, he fled the scene, not without slamming the door shut behind him.
Certainly, all young men could relate to how frustrating a random hard-on was,
but he just had to suffer one at the most inopportune of times, didn’t he?
Even though the hallways of the castle were mostly devoid of people during this
time of the day, Jean raced to his room as if a horde of Aberrants were on his
heels.
Once there, he slumped down on his bed, his brain not yet fully grasping the
true magnitude of his most recent humiliation.
Curse them all, he thought. Most of all Reiner and Bertholdt. Especially
Reiner!
They lived in a world where the extinction of the human race was more than
certain to occur in the near future, the titans a constant threat to all of
them. Goddamnit, he had decided to join the fucking Survey Corps instead of the
Military Police, which almost guaranteed him an early, unusually horrid demise.
So, why, why, why did he have to suffer such embarrassment? What cruel god—if
there was one at all—thought it appropriate to put him through shit like this?
Burying his face in his hands, Jean leant against the wall. How was he to face
his comrades in arms now? Even worse, how was he to face the damn Leader of the
Survey Corps later? Why did his body go and betray him so?
Why the hell was he giving into its demands now?
… why, oh why, was he not thinking of Reiner and Bertholdt anymore but
Commander Erwin Smith, as he stroked himself to orgasm?
 
~
 
The fourth time Jean Kirstein attracted Commander Erwin Smith’s attention was
that same day, a few hours later.
Dinner went about as well as expected. Even stupid Eren was pointing and
laughing at him. Okay, no, actually, he just shot him a look that seemed to say
What the hell, Kirstein?! What the hell!—or something along those lines. Jean
glared daggers at everyone around him when he sat down, daring them to do so
much as utter a single word about the incident from earlier. Most people
adhered to the proverbial message sent.
Reiner Braun was not most people.
No, instead, Reiner found it amusing to sit down next to him and pat his
shoulder as if he’d accomplished a feat great enough to leave the King himself
impressed. Now, Reiner was not a tiny person by any means. Not only was he one
of the tallest men of the Survey Corps, he also was the one with the most
brawn. A pat on the shoulder from that guy hurt.
“Smith, huh? So, that’s your type!” He whispered in his ear
Jean nearly choked on the piece of sausage he’d just stuffed in his mouth. Was
that what people were thinking? That he liked the Commander that way?
Next to him, Connie cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable with the
situation, whereas Ymir did nothing to hide her amusement. Only Bertholdt
seemed to have some pity left for him, calling his friend and lover by his
name, chidingly, so that he’d stop making fun of him.
Of course, Reiner did not. “Everybody thought you were head over heels for
Ackerman!”
“Shut the fuck up, Braun!” Jean hissed, gripping his fork tightly. Maybe he
should just stab him in the eye with it.
Reiner tended to be grim and serious most of the time, but he did have a funny
side to him, too; a sort of dry, crude sense of humour. He rarely showed it,
but, apparently, Jean’s misfortune was hilarious enough to let it out. Not that
Jean found any of this funny.
“Oh, and how about you two lock the fucking door next time you wanna fuck?!” He
added with an angry nod in Bertholdt’s direction, hoping it would make Reiner
shut up.
Ymir now was roaring with laughter, her face the same shade of red as Jean’s.
“Ah, speaking of that. If you need any advice—” Reiner said, completely unmoved
by his comment. “—you know where to find me!”
The urge to bang his head on the table till he’d pass out was incredibly hard
to resist.
 
~
 
The boy had energy, certainly stood out. Erwin remembered his name from the
documents of their newest recruits. Jean Kirstein had been in the top ten of
the graduates of the 104th Training Corps. He was one of the selected few who
could have joined the Military Police, but declined the offer in favour of the
Survey Corps instead.
Despite the horrors Recruit Kirstein already had faced—and barely after having
graduated, too—it appeared he still managed to live his life in a moderately
normal way. Neither the titan attacks, nor the loss of his comrades and friends
had broken him yet. He still seemed capable of acting as one might expect from
someone his age, when in a safe environment. Erwin just had to remember the
morning where Jean had cursed Levi, and him, not caring if anybody heard him.
Part of him was amused.
Then there was the incident from this afternoon. Boys. Erwin distinctively
remembered having been that age once, and how awkward it could be. Still, he
did have to reprimand Kirstein for his airheaded behaviour. As amusing as it
was, they still were the Survey Corps. The boy was allowed his fantasies, sure,
but only at the right time and place.
Erwin continued to watch Kirstein, who was currently immersed in a sort of
bickering with some of the other recruits. Having someone like him amongst the
young ones was something to appreciate. With his antics, he had a way of
distracting people’s minds. While his file stated that he had often clashed
with others during his training, such was not always a bad thing. Erwin knew
these young men and women had been waiting for a chance to loosen up and forget
about their surroundings, if only for a short while. Even though it had been at
his expense, Erwin knew Kirstein would manage to bounce back from today’s
events. And, if he was lucky, he would be able to retain that feeling of
affection or desire for whomever a little while longer, too. Heavens knew,
their future was dire at best. Most of the younger recruits would not even live
to experience love, or lust, for that matter.
Allowing his thoughts to wander back to better times, to when he’d still been
young, Erwin almost would have smiled.
 
~
 
Jean felt as if he was walking down the gallows. Facing his fellow graduates
was one thing, but the Commander? What if he, too, thought Jean was harbouring
certain feelings for him? A frightening thought now persistently on his mind,
thanks to Reiner.
Hesitating, he stood in front of Commander Smith’s office. He was just about to
knock when the door suddenly got flung open. Captain Levi strode out, and
almost ran him over.
“Sir!” Jean exclaimed, scrambling to salute the small man.
Captain Levi merely glowered at him. For once, though, Jean wished he’d stay
around. Didn’t he need someone to use a toothbrush on the cracks of the walls
and ceiling of the former wine cellar where they now were storing the gas
tanks? Anything to save him from further humiliation…
“Come in, and close the door behind you, Recruit.”
Jean’s heart did a little jump. He could think of many places he’d rather be
right now. Hell, he’d sweep the yard every day for the next decade, or so, if
only it were to get him out of here.
Commander Smith sat behind his desk which was as neat as everything else about
him. Not one pencil or paper was out of place, as if he’d taken a ruler to the
desktop, for measuring how to most effectively use its space.
His face did not betray any emotion. His mere presence was intimidating, even
if rather calm and collected. His eyes never left Jean’s, who noted they were
as blue as the summer sky, yet cold and distant at the same time. Jean
swallowed.
“Do you have anything to say for yourself, concerning your earlier behaviour?”
No offering him a seat. No pleasantries whatsoever. And why should he have?
This was the Leader of the Survey Corps. He was here to give orders, not pamper
random, green soldier boys. Jean didn’t quite feel his extremities at this
point anymore, his heart racing. He had yet to be reprimanded, and already he
was a trembling mess.
Commander Smith narrowed his eyes. “Well?”
Oh, right, he had just been asked to explain himself.
“S-Sir, I—apologise. I do not know what came over me!”
The hell you didn’t, a voice inside his head mocked him, instantly calling to
mind the things he’d witnessed. The way Bertholdt had moaned, with Reiner atop
of him. Wet sounds that left nothing, absolutely nothing to one’s imagination.
“Is that so?” Commander Smith asked coolly.
How Reiner had driven Bertholdt into the mattress with harsh, deep thrusts, the
bed creaking underneath them. The kisses they’d shared.
“I’m sorry, Sir,” Jean stammered, putting a hand to his forehead, as if doing
so would help him block certain thoughts.
He really should be focusing on the here and now. Getting called into the
office of your superior’s superior was no laughing matter, but he just couldn’t
erase the images from his memories. And it only got worse once his brain
replaced certain parts, with Commander Smith in Reiner’s stead, and him getting
to be—oh gods, no! Jean felt ready to throw up. What the fuck was wrong with
him?
“Do not think I wouldn’t know how tiring it can be to have to deal with the
predicaments of adolescence. Still, that does not give you an excuse to
disregard your position or responsibilities.” Commander Smith leant back in his
chair, eyeing him hard. “However, I am going to let your lapse in judgement
pass. This time. Dismissed!”
The words barely reached him, face hot and surely as red as poppies in full
bloom. Jean didn’t move—couldn’t—for his body was betraying him yet again, and
in more ways than one.
“I said you are dismissed, Recruit.”
That night Jean would have to tend to himself twice, unable to get rid of
Commander Smith’s image before his mind’s eye. Quietly, hidden under his
blanket, all the while praying his roommates wouldn’t wake up. He’d meet him
again in his dreams that night. A dream that left his sheets a mess.
Come morning, when he saw the Commander, if only from a distance, Jean knew
nothing was going to be the same anymore. There was no denying the strange
fluttering in his stomach, no talking away the red tainting his cheeks.
 
~
 
The first time Jean Kirstein attracted Commander Erwin Smith’s attention had
been when he had proclaimed his unwillingness to die for the cause; so very
unlike his fellow graduates.
He used to have a plan. The plan. Enlist in the Training Corps, graduate in the
Top Ten. Become a member of the esteemed Military Police. Accumulate riches.
Meet a pretty girl. Live happily ever after. In short, every young man’s dream
this side of the Wall.
However, Jean Kirstein had found himself ending up on that side of the Wall, a
member of the military branch with the highest death count. He most likely
wasn’t going to live long enough to earn any money worth mentioning, least of
all getting to spend it. Although there was a pretty girl in his squad, she
wasn’t interested in him. Plus, he was beginning to have most impure feelings
for the 13th Leader of the Survey Corps instead. And those were becoming
increasingly hard to ignore.
Jean Kirstein always had been the kind of person who wore his heart on his
sleeve, so to speak. More often than not he couldn’t keep his mouth shut,
couldn’t keep his opinions to himself. So, whenever someone mentioned Erwin
Smith to him these days, or just used his name or rank in general, it was hard
for him not to react in a telltale manner. It was even harder to keep up the
façade whenever the Commander attended roll-call. The hardest yet was having to
sit through his lectures without giving anything away. Reiner’s constant
comments on his so-called crush did not help either.
“Look, there comes your Sex God!” Ymir called out to him one morning. She had
long since joined Reiner in the teasing of his person.
Jean instantly turned to look behind himself in shock. By then, even the most
oblivious Survey Corps member knew who supposedly was “in love” with their
leader.
 
~
 
“Stand at ease, Recruit.”
Three weeks had passed since he’d been called to the Commander’s office for the
first time.
“I assume you have an idea as to the nature of my summoning you here.”
He feared he did indeed.
“You may talk at ease.”
Nothing of this could be considered easy, Jean thought glumly. He’d expected to
be yelled at, maybe even dishonourably discharged, for the talk about his so-
called burning love for the Leader of the Survey Corps had taken on ridiculous
levels. Just this morning none other than Mike Zacharius had commented on his
failure to properly explain a new 3D-Manoeuvre tactic by telling him to get his
mind out of the gutter already. Yes, by now, even the higher-ups seemed well-
informed enough.
“I am not one to give idle talk much thought, but, perhaps, you would like to
take a stand on certain rumours circling these halls.”
His expression still firm, Commander Smith didn’t look quite as threatening to
Jean as he had before. Maybe it was because he’d been the first of the new
recruits to have successfully mastered said 3D-Manoeuvre. Take that, Eren!
“Am I to believe that there is some truth to what has been brought to my
attention?” the Commander continued, leaning back in his chair.
He didn’t just ask him to confess, did he? His face went hot, heart hammering
furiously in his chest. Why was it so hot in here all of a sudden? It was
getting harder and harder to breathe. Without his conscious doing so, Jean
reached for his collar, loosening a button. He felt he was about to suffocate.
Couldn’t he just throw him over the Wall and be done with it?
“I see.”
With that, Commander Smith got up from his chair and walked around the desk.
Jean instantly flinched, craning his head a little to look at the man now
standing barely a metre before him. His expression had softened some more, Jean
realised, but he couldn’t make any sense of it.
Was he amused? Was he angry? Was he disgusted? It was nigh impossible to gauge
any emotion from this man.
“I—I apologise, Sir. People like to joke? They—I didn’t mean to—didn’t mean for
them—“ he croaked. “I’m sorry!”
Was that a smile tugging at the corners of his lips? Bullshit. Commander Erwin
Smith didn’t smile. What the fuck was he thinking!
Stupid! Stupid!! Stupid!!!
“You did not mean to—what, exactly?
What? What indeed! He did want to hear him say it, didn’t he? That it was true,
at least partly so. That he, indeed, couldn’t stop having filthy thoughts about
his superior.
Jean nearly would’ve jumped once Commander Smith put a hand on his shoulder.
“Rest assured. Nothing you say will leave this room, Jean Kirstein. I may call
you Jean, right?”
He was dreaming, wasn’t he? This right here, right now, it couldn’t be real. To
think otherwise would be absurd!
“Would you act on your desires, if you knew there wouldn’t be any
repercussions?”
He had to be imagining things. Wait, what?! Could you fucking repeat that,
please?
“You must consider my position, Jean. I cannot just approach you in such a
manner.”
A rushing in his ears made his head spin. His head was about explode. He
figured he must be close to fainting. Any minute now his heart was going to
burst out of his chest.
“If you wish to see those desires fulfilled, you are to initiate—“
“Wh-what are you saying, Sir?!” Jean blurted out before he finished that
sentence, voice high-pitched. “Is—is this some kind of test!?”
If he hadn’t been so nervous, he would’ve noticed the shadows of what almost
resembled a smile on Commander Smith’s face now, short-lived though it was.
“I am telling you to pursue your desires, if you so wish.”
For a moment, Jean could do nothing but stare at him in silence. Even in his
wildest dreams he would not have dared to hope for such an outcome. Licking his
lips—he felt parched all of a sudden—he took a small step forward. All the
while his eyes never left Smith’s, as if he were waiting for him to disappear
into thin air, like in a dream, or tell him that it all had been a joke.
However, Commander Smith just stood there, face as unreadable as ever, but
watching him closely.
If life had taught Jean anything over the past few weeks, then that it was
fleeting. You could be dead by tomorrow. A week from now he’d be on his first
expedition, and he knew his chances of returning in one piece were slim at
best. On the other hand, he already had faced titans, and, against all odds, he
had survived. He could do this, he decided. He could pursue his desires, as the
man before him so eloquently had put it.
Keeping this in mind, Jean stood on his toes and pressed his lips against
Commander Smith’s. He grabbed the collar of his jacket for support, hands
shaking like an autumn leaf dancing in the wind. His mind was reeling. He
barely registered the hand on the small of his back pulling him close, taken in
by those surprisingly warm, soft lips opening to his. A jolt of pleasure shot
through him the moment he felt the Commander’s tongue brushing over his own.
Jean didn’t hear the whimpers leaving his throat, lost himself in those kisses.
He was unpracticed, clumsy at first, but what he lacked in technique he made up
for with eagerness. Of course, he also lacked patience, half-pouncing his
superior. It did not work out as planned, considering Commander Smith was not
only taller and heavier, but also stronger. With Marco, Jean had been the
dominant one, Marco had always let him take the lead, but none of them had had
any experience to speak of.
It took the Commander—no, Erwin—a while to teach him how to receive, and not
just give. Gradually, Jean allowed himself to be coaxed into slower, deeper
kisses, until he let him take full control.
When Erwin broke the kiss, Jean saw they’d moved from the centre of the room to
the desk without him having noticed. He’d wound his arms around the older man,
holding on to him tightly. This was very different from what he’d shared with
his late friend. Already, Jean found himself panting, his cock hard and
straining against his trousers. Wanting to resume their kisses, he began to
nibble at his throat.
He heard Erwin chuckle from above—a low rumbling in chest, so uncharacteristic
for him—who then grabbed him by his ass and pulled him flush against his chest.
This time, Jean succumbed to his kisses almost immediately, held close by
fingers entwining with the straps of his 3D-Manoeuvre gear. Unable to think
clearly any longer. Drunk on all the many sensations coursing through his body.
He’d never felt anything so good of such intensity. Another moan was torn from
him when Erwin used the straps of his gear to hoist him on the desk.
Instinctively, Jean opened his legs for him. He didn’t think he’d ever been
this aroused in his whole life. This was way better than any of his fantasies,
but he still craved more. Not knowing how to voice his desires, Jean fumbled
with Erwin’s jacket and shirt, tearing at the fabric while edging closer. He
could feel his arousal against his own. Realising the effects he had on Erwin
sent more heat to his loins, and he sought more friction. Gods, how he craved
his touch. It was insane.
“Relax.” A hand to his chest kept him at bay, Erwin’s lips grazing the shell of
his ear when he spoke. “There is no need for you to rush this.”
Jean didn’t listen, not really, wanting to move a hand between the other’s
legs, in hopes of signalling him what he couldn’t quite put into words; not in
his current condition. The Commander wouldn’t have any of it, however,
snatching the straying hand and holding it down on the desk.
“Look at me.” A whispered command dancing over his skin. The voice he was using
now was driving Jean crazy. Deep, almost sultry, it sent shivers down his
spine. Jean bit his lip.
How could he have not obeyed him? Heat rose to his cheeks anew when their eyes
met. The hunger he recognised in his superior’s eyes was mirroring his own.
“Let me see you, Jean Kirstein.”
Fingers moved over his collarbone, down along his chest. Popping open buttons,
going deeper, they came to a halt on his hip. Their eyes still locked, Jean
thought he was going to lose himself in that gaze. The blue of Erwin’s irises
seemed much darker, too. Even if he had wanted to, he couldn’t have looked
away.
“Sir?”
Erwin placed his index finger on Jean’s lips, before tilting his chin up. This
time, he would kiss him hard, make him whimper into his mouth. It was nothing
like the kisses he’d shared with him before, possessive in their nature, and
robbing him of his breath. Fingers were entangling with his hair, pulled his
head back. The need between his legs pulsated ever stronger, precome already
dampening his trousers. All he was left to do was submit himself to the pace
dictated upon him. Jean arched into the hand that had just moved underneath his
shirt, now exploring his skin. Go deeper. Please!
It was over before he knew it. His young, inexperienced body needed little more
stimulation, and Jean spilt himself in his pants mere seconds later. Barely
touched, made to come by kisses alone, he hung in his superior’s arms.
 
~
 
Jean Kirstein had Commander Erwin Smith’s full attention once he lay underneath
him; a writhing, sweaty mess, with incessant, lustful moans pouring from his
lips.
Eyes closed, Erwin sat on the edge of the bed. He would not allow his thoughts
to wander. The boy had come to his quarters, two days after what had transpired
in his office. Who would’ve thought he’d really come? Part of him had hoped he
wouldn’t, another had prayed that he would.
“You still have not answered me yet. Were those rumours correct?” He wouldn’t
continue unless the boy did as asked. Erwin knew he was going to hell one
day—should it exist—for all the sins he’d committed. All for the greater good,
in the name of humanity. He was going to make sure not to trespass against
anyone any further, if it could be avoided. “You must tell me the truth, or I
will have you leave. And be concise.”
“Y-yes—“
“Yes, what?”
“Yes, Sir!”
Erwin chuckled, slightly shaking his head. The fact that the boy still
addressed him formally was strangely arousing. Thus, he had not offered him his
name. Too much familiarity between them might only complicate things anyway.
None of this was about more than physical attraction, and he would like to keep
it that way. As deliciously sinful he looked right now, lying on rumpled
sheets, Jean was not to get any ideas that told him differently. Aside from
that, Erwin had dissociated himself from the idea of a relationship years ago.
Just one more sacrifice necessary for the path he had chosen.
“Yes, Sir, the rumours about me—you, well, yes, they are correct,” he stumbled
over his words.
“Which ones, if I may ask?”
Jean had to say it for him to proceed.
“That I wanna—I want to f—I want you, Sir!” Saying this, he propped himself on
his elbows. There was no fear in his eyes, no confusion. Just lust, plain and
simple. Certainly, he felt embarrassed admitting his needs, but such was
expected from someone so inexperienced.
“You’re quite eager to please, aren’t you, Recruit Kirstein.”
It was a statement rather than a question.
“Why? What do you want me to do?”
His hair dishevelled, lips glistening from the kisses they had shared just
moments ago. The shirt was gone, too, lay forgotten on the floor. Jean Kirstein
was a sight to behold indeed, with his trousers undone, hanging just below his
hips.
In another time, another place, Erwin would never have gone near the boy in
such a manner, wouldn’t have dared entertaining any thoughts about him.
But in the here and now, knowing he might damn well be sending him to his death
in five days from now, not law nor moral code had any place.
He couldn’t have brought himself to send him away, not after he’d been given
ample time to reconsider. He couldn’t deny him what he wanted, from him. Not
when Jean trusted him enough to use his life in a way that would ensure
humanity’s continued existence, without even knowing the true nature of the
upcoming expedition. Besides, if boys like him were old enough to die for the
cause, did one really have the right to say they were too young for this?
Erwin almost smiled when he felt Jean’s hand move to grab his. “It’s not what I
want you to do.”
They weren’t here to hold philosophical discussions. He came to lean over Jean,
grabbing both his wrists and placing them above his head. Jean’s eyes never
left him. Another thing reassuring him that he was not trespassing; it also got
his blood pumping. Kissing him again, he ran a hand along his waist. There were
a lot less scars on Jean’s body compared to his own, his skin still soft. Erwin
didn’t stop himself from leaving red welts on it with his nails. His kisses
turned devouring, set on making him whine with lust. He had such a lovely voice
after all when needy and wanton. Erwin used his legs to spread the boy’s. Still
teasing him, he let his hand dance across his abdomen and chest. Strong muscles
not yet as developed as his own were flexing under that soft skin as Jean
twisted into his touch. By now, he’d learnt the art of kissing.
Soon, he broke away in need of air, his breath ragged. That was when Erwin
decided to give him what he craved the most. First, he merely cupped his
arousal through his pants, his hand ever so light in its touch. Jean made a
low, keening noise in the back of his throat once he added more pressure, using
the fabric of his pants to create more friction. With his free hand, Jean
reached for his shoulder, urging him on to give him more. Erwin was careful to
go slow, though, so that he would not lose it prematurely again.
“Earlier, when I asked you to tell me truth, you were about to say something
else first. What was it?”
He let go of his hand, moving to free Jean’s cock from its confinements.
Studying him closely, he wrapped his hand around him. Using his thumb to smear
precome along the base of the head, he revelled in the lustful sounds breaking
free so uncontrollably and without any shame. Erwin, too, sucked in a breath.
It had been a while since he’d last fucked someone. Just another thing that
came with the job.
He was going to enjoy this, draw it out. He’d make this a night the boy would
never forget. Wasn’t it the least he could do, too, considering?
“Oh, please—Sir! Please!”
“That is not how I remember it, Recruit.”
He kept stroking him, torturously slow, taking in the sight sprawled out before
him. Perhaps, he should be more lenient with the boy, who looked positively
desperate by now. Bending down, he nipped at his collarbone, pleased by the
slightly pained sounds reaching him between groans of pleasure. More playful
bites followed, and he went lower.
“Fuck!” Jean exclaimed, bucking up against his hand.
“It was something along those lines, I believe.”
Whispering this, with his lips hovering above his glans, Erwin saw to it the
boy had a real reason to curse. Slowly, oh so slowly, he took him in deeper,
swirling his tongue around his arousal. If he hadn’t held him down by his hips
with one arm, Jean probably would’ve choked him with his dick. The only reason
he didn’t come right then and there was because he pressed down on the base of
his length with his thumb and index finger.
Erwin took his sweet time, explored every inch of his cock, hot and heavy in
his mouth, till Jean was ready to burst. Dipping the tip of his tongue into the
small slit, he moved back down and swallowed him completely.
“I can’t—oh God! Just let me—please! Oh fuck!” After that, only unintelligible
words would leave his lips.
Now was the time, Erwin decided, letting go of him with a wet noise, but not
without drawing his tongue along his hardened flesh one last time. What he saw
in those eyes made his own cock twitch in anticipation.
Having been abandoned so suddenly, Jean whined in frustration. Trembling.
Sweating. His whole body burning. He obviously couldn’t take much more of this,
sitting up to reach for him. Their mouths clashed, tongues quickly entangled in
a violent dance where Jean could taste himself.
Ah, maybe not just yet. Erwin shoved him back down again, hand near his throat,
his thumb dangerously close to the boy’s jugular.
“Say it!” He growled, lust apparent in his voice. “Tell me exactly what you
want!”
Almost there. It took him a few more seconds, eyes fluttering shut, but he
would comply, just as ordered.
“I want to fuck you, Sir!” he rasped, helplessly squirming with need, and
clawing into his upper arms.
“Take these off.”
While Jean was busy getting out of his boots and trousers, Erwin reached for
the drawer of the bedside cabinet. He took out a small flask that contained an
oily liquid before settling between the boy’s legs again.
“Sit.”
Obediently, Jean, who was usually known to be rather hotheaded and not easy to
handle—similarly to Levi—did.
“You do know what you’re asking for, don’t you, Jean Kirstein?”
He nodded, if hesitantly so. On the inside, Erwin smiled.
“This is your first time, isn’t it?”
Again, he nodded, though his response was a tad delayed this time, cheeks
darkening. Erwin took one of Jean’s hands and poured some of the liquid on his
palm. Then he took his other hand and placed it on his belt-buckle.
“Continue then.”
With shaking fingers, he fulfilled that task, too. Erwin was pleased to find
out he didn’t have to direct him any further. Under the right circumstances,
Jean truly was eager to please. He tended to knock heads with the wrong people
more often than not, but he knew well to obey and act properly when needed. Not
that any of this right here and now could be considered proper by any means.
Erwin hissed quietly when the boy’s hand, slick from oil, closed around him.
Being of the same gender definitely made things easier, as Jean quickly figured
out how to go about touching him.
This time, Erwin let him control the pace of their kisses, welcomed his hot,
wet tongue into his mouth while coating his own fingers with more of the oil.
It really had been far too long, Erwin thought. Moving an arm around him, he
brought him to lie flat on his back. Jean went for his shirt, tugged at it. He
obviously wanted him to get it off. A wish he was not going to grant him. The
only things Erwin had taken off were the jacket and his gear.
“Turn around.”
There was a moment’s hesitation, but he followed the command nonetheless.
Propped on all fours, vulnerable, and ready to take things a step farther.
Erwin snaked an arm around his midsection, slick fingers going for his
backside. At first, he barely let them graze his entrance, waited for his
reaction. As expected, Jean flinched, his breath hitching when he pressed his
middle finger into him oh so slowly. Waiting again. Giving him time to grow
accustomed to the sensation of being filled that way. So fucking hot. His whole
body was radiating heat, calling out to be released. It took all of Erwin’s
self-restraint to not just push the boy down and fuck him raw.
A second finger, then a third, pushed in and out carefully at first. He knew he
had to take his time with this, didn’t want him to suffer any discomfort. Below
him, Jean was slowly relaxing, his breath coming more even again. Soon, he
started to enjoy being fucked by his fingers. He began to move back down on
them in circular motions, jerking everytime he hit his prostate. Grabbing him
by his hips, Erwin let more of the oil drip down his crack. A particular loud
moan left him as he let his slick cock brush against his balls, and then back
up.
Below him, Jean yelped when those fingers were replaced with something much
bigger. He had loosened him well enough, but he still had to go slow, gritting
his teeth as the boy’s heat sucked him in. The urge to thrust into him in one
go was incredibly strong. The way he was quivering beneath him, groaning deep
in his throat, only fired him up more.
With each inch of his cock further inside, Jean shook harder, his fingers
digging into the pillow. The way he was clenching around him nearly had Erwin
go mad.
“Are you alright?”
The boy gave his consent, though his voice was broken.
“Then start moving,” Erwin whispered, lips to his neck twisting into a smirk.
One ought to compliment him for his self-control, he thought, before answering
Jean’s moves—which were shy in their nature—with a deep, drawn out rhythm. To
further ease him into it, he began pumping his cock matching that rhythm. Soon,
Jean gave in, quivering around him most blissfully, and meeting his thrusts
more eagerly. Once he was sure he had got used to his size, Erwin gradually
held back less and less. Lost in the tight, wet heat engulfing him, he began to
go faster. Jean couldn’t keep up with him for much longer, let himself be
rocked into the mattress without resistance. The mere sight of him, face down,
ass sticking up..
He paused but once, moving the boy with him as he sat back, so that he would be
seated on his lap. Jean cried out then, now penetrated even deeper than before.
A soft sheen of sweat was covering his body, his normally pale skin flushed
red. Young and strong, with three years of brutal training just behind him,
Erwin knew Jean was able handle the way he was giving it to him. He fucked him
hard, hard enough for his breath to get stuck in his throat, one hand on Jean’s
neck and chin, twisting his head back.
Long forgotten were his own doubts, and he, too, simply gave in to his body’s
demands. Sinking his teeth into his shoulder, Erwin kept him close, arms around
his torso and shoulder. It did not take much longer for Jean. His whole form
tensing up, he came violently. Erwin’s name a dying scream on his lips, he left
his own marks on him as he dug his nails into his thighs.
He would join him soon, his own release then filling the boy in a hot surge. He
held him close, in an embrace almost crushing. Jean merely whimpered, weak, all
his energy having been drained from his body.
For a while, they stayed like this, until Erwin let go of him. Jean immediately
slumped forward. Mind void of thought for once, Erwin brushed a few strands of
hair out of the boy’s face. His own hair was a mess, too, but he did not care.
Not now. Revelling in his own post-orgasm haze, he bent over Jean, and placed
one last kiss on his cheek.
 
~
 
“You understand that you cannot stay here,” he said matter-of-factly, just
having used a towel to wipe come and sweat off of Jean’s body. “You must return
to your quarters.”
Jean nodded in response, exhausted still. It was obvious that he did not want
to leave, a defiant expression on his face.
Erwin stood and headed for the bathroom. He didn’t look back.
“Can I come visit you again, Sir?”
Erwin paused, hand on the door knob. He didn’t turn around.
“I don’t think that would be wise, Recruit.”
He doubted the boy was going to listen. Part of him hoped he wouldn’t, another
prayed that he did.
After all, wasn’t there a saying about some proverbial road to hell being paved
with good intentions?
 
Erwin Smith found Recruit Jean Kirstein strangely enticing. Perhaps so, for he
reminded him of the good days, the better days. Whenever those had been...
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