Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13448451.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Naruto
  Relationship:
      Haruno_Sakura/Hatake_Kakashi, Minor_or_Background_Relationship(s), Haruno
      Sakura_&_Hyuuga_Hinata, Hatake_Kakashi_&_Uzumaki_Naruto, Hyuuga_Hinata/
      Uzumaki_Naruto
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying_Marks, Mostly_Canon
      Relationships_-_Freeform, Some_Non-Canon_Relationships, Developing
      Relationship, Rated_For_Underage_Elements, Don't_Like_Don't_Read, I_Love
      Hinata_And_It_Shows, Not_a_lot_of_dialogue, Out_of_Character, Not_Canon
      Compliant, Not_Beta_Read, Canonical_Character_Death, Angst_with_a_Happy
      Ending, POV_Alternating
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-01-22 Updated: 2018-02-13 Chapters: 5/6 Words: 37090
****** The One You Love Most ******
by Remnant_Stars_(AerynsFallen)
Summary
     “Your father and I love you more than anything in the world,"
     Kakashi's mother assured him. "But a soulmate is a little different.
     They are the first person to love you more. Your soulmate will be
     there when even your children leave you to find their own soulmate.
     Your soulmate will understand you better than anyone in the world,
     better even than you understand yourself. You can never truly be sad
     when your soulmate is by your side.”
     Kakashi nodded his head knowingly at the time, understanding only as
     a small child could that it must be true. His parents were soulmates
     and they were happy. And when his mother died, he understood too that
     his father would never truly be happy again, because his soulmate was
     gone.
     With his father’s death, Kakashi came to understand that he could not
     follow in his father’s footsteps. He would live his life by the
     strict rules of the shinobi and he would never seek out his soulmate.
     He would not stray in the ways that his parents had, especially his
     father. He would serve the village faithfully for the rest of his
     life, but he could not love as his father had.
Notes
     I really like soulmate AU's so I wrote one for KakaSaku because I
     could. I will warn you, there are underage elements. Kakashi has
     inappropriate thoughts about an underage Sakura later on. I think
     it's a pretty tame story other than that. There will be two or three
     chapters. This was originally supposed to be a one-shot that turned
     into 15,000+ words and counting so I split it up.
     This is heavily inspired by every soulmate AU that I've ever read.
     Thank you to all the authors that write them. Also, I play fast and
     loose with canon before I diverge from it almost completely. You've
     been warned.
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Part One: Pre-Time Skip *****
Kakashi’s relationship with his father had always been close, bound by love and
affection, rather than the duty that had bound Sakumo to his own father.
Kakashi’s memories of his mother were distant and fuzzy, but filled him with a
lingering warmth. Their home had been filled with love, for even the short time
before Kakashi’s mother had died too young of a terrible sickness that swept
the village. His father had lost his easy smile after Kakashi’s mother had
died. And four-year-old Kakashi hadn’t known how to make his smile return. 
Often, Kakashi would find himself at the home of Minato Namikaze, a man that
his father trusted implicitly and who would become his sensei and eventually
the Fourth Hokage. It was there that he learned to let go of his grief at his
mother’s passing. It was there that he thought he found a way to make his
father smile again after hearing Minato’s numerous tales of his father’s grand
exploits. At four, Kakashi was the youngest child to register in the academy.
Words like ‘prodigy’ and ‘genius’ were whispered when he walked by in his genin
uniform, his Hitae-ate always threatening to slide down his forehead because
his small fingers could never quite tie the knot tight enough. He didn’t care
about the whispers. All he cared about was making his father smile once again.
And his father had looked almost happy the day he brought his son to the
academy for the first time, his lips quirking in the closest thing to a smile
since Kakashi’s mother had been alive.
Kakashi was a diligent student, trying his best to make his father proud,
despite the difficulties of dealing with children older and larger in size
threatening to beat him down at every opportunity. Kakashi was not well-liked
at first. He was a determined student, much too serious for his age, and he
didn’t care what anyone thought of him, excluding perhaps his father and
sensei. He never backed down from a challenge, and despite his acuity and
natural ability, his size often worked against him. At first, it only took a
hit or two before he was on his back, doing his very best to hold back tears
for fear that he shamed his sensei. He never told his father of the times he
cried at his mother’s grave, seeking comfort from the dead. He hid his bruises
and stood tall even when his small body shook from pain and weakness. Sakumo
was often on a mission and saw his son less and less as the months passed, but
he always had a smile for his son. And with each passing day, the smile was
broader and more genuine than the time before it. Kakashi lived for that smile,
a desperately needed reminder that everything was returning to normal.
Soulmates were not something that Kakashi thought about. His parents were
soulmates and they hadn’t been shy in displaying the matching wolf soulmarks
that had adorned their forearms. Kakashi was too young to really understand the
concept. His mother had done her best to explain to her curious child when he
demanded when he would receive his own wolf soulmark.
“One day, Kakashi when you grow tall, when you grow facial hair and when your
voice gets as deep as your father’s, you will get your own soulmark. It
probably won’t be a wolf like ours. It will be something just for you and your
soulmate. And when you meet your soulmate, you’ll see that they have the same
soulmark.”
“What’s a soulmate?” he’d demanded, still not understanding.
His mother had laughed at his impatience, stroking his unruly hair with
affection. “A soulmate is the person that loves you most.” She answered gently.
“But you love me most!” Kakashi whined indignantly.
“Yes,” Kakashi’s mother assured him. “Your father and I love you more than
anything in the world, but a soulmate is a little different. They are the first
person outside of your family that loves you more. Your soulmate will be there
when even your children leave you to find their own soulmate. Your soulmate
will understand you better than anyone in the world, better even than you
understand yourself. You can never truly be sad when your soulmate is by your
side.”
Kakashi nodded his head knowingly at the time, understanding only as a small
child could that it must be true. His parents were soulmates and they were
happy. And when his mother died, he understood too that his father would never
truly be happy again, because his soulmate was gone.
For a time Kakashi was happy. The memory of his mother faded with each passing
day, and so did the grief he felt at the thought of her. His sensei was there
for him even when his father could not be. And yet Kakashi couldn’t find it in
himself to feel resentful of the man that many looked on with awed recognition.
His father protected the village with everything he had. And he cared for his
teammates and his son more than even himself. The days that Sakumo was able to
pick Kakashi up from the academy were the best memories he had. And for many
years, despite the shame of how his father died, they were the dearest memories
that Kakashi held.
It was his father’s death that shaped how Kakashi chose his path. Saving his
teammates lives, at the cost of a vital mission to Konoha, led to Sakumo’s fall
from grace. And it was reflected in the way that Kakashi was treated by his
peers. He was ridiculed and laughed at, his classmates whispering behind his
back. His hearing was better than most, and it grew harder to ignore the
taunts. He began to resent his father in those short weeks after the mission.
His father the failure, whose own teammates vilified him for saving their lives
at the cost of Konoha’s reputation.
Still, he loved his father and had always respected him greatly. So Kakashi did
not let his father see his resentment, did not tell him about the taunts he’d
had to endure and the fights he’d gotten into over his father’s reputation. But
Sakumo had sharper hearing and a clearer understanding than his son, and he
heard what wasn’t said and it filled his heart with a heavy shame. He wished
that his wife was here to offer help when he could not. He watched Kakashi come
home with slumped shoulders and bruised fists and he despaired.
His wife’s death had damaged his spirit and tore him down every day that she
wasn’t there. It hurt to live in a world where she no longer breathed. He
missed her smile and light laughter. He missed waking up to her presence beside
him, and the warmth she brought to his life after his severe upbringing. But
he’d held on to his sanity for his son’s sake, and for the village and shinobi
he’d always vowed to protect. Now it seemed that his presence was only making
the village resentful and their scorn was hard to bear. And his mistakes had
started to complicate his son’s life, which he’d never wanted to happen.
Despite being the spitting image of his father with his silver hair and dark
eyes, Sakumo imagined that he could see his wife in the curve of Kakashi’s
smile, a smile that was all but missing these days because of him.
When he thought of his wife waiting for him beyond the gates of the living, his
decision became easier. When he thought of the turmoil and shame his death
would relieve from his son’s shoulders, his decision became certain. He didn’t
write his son a letter, perhaps too ashamed to try and explain why he’d chosen
to take his own life. It seemed like the right choice in the end, but he would
miss walking his son home from the academy. His last moments were filled with
the thought of the man that Kakashi would become, and of the wife he would
hopefully see after his death. He died a troubled man with many regrets, but
he’d truly believed that his son would be better off.
The moments leading to finding his father’s body and directly after were lost
to Kakashi. He could only remember seeing his crumpled form, too still to be
asleep and falling onto his father’s body in grief and disbelief. Time had
seemed to pass so slowly after that, as Kakashi clung to a father that had left
him behind. The anger had come later, when the whispers surrounding Sakumo’s
death had grown to a deafening level. The anger had kept him going when his
grief had threatened to pull him into the same abyss his father had fallen
into.
When Sakumo Hatake had died, he pulled the mask on and rarely took it off
again. It stayed on his face until the memory of his appearance was lost even
to those who’d grown up with him. With his father’s death, Kakashi came to
understand that he could not follow in his father’s footsteps. He would live
his life by the strict rules of the shinobi and he would never seek out his
soulmate. He would not stray in the ways that his parents had, especially his
father. He would serve the village faithfully for the rest of his life, but he
could not love as his father had.
Minato-sensei had always been in his life, for as long as he could remember.
Kushina too, became a fixture in his early memories, her brash nature and
frightening scowl still able to cause him to rub the back of his head in
remembered chagrin. After his father’s death they tried to take him in and
become his surrogate family. Kakashi would not permit it. He came to regret
isolating himself from people who’d cared for him so deeply, but he was glad
that they’d never given up on him to their dying days. Despite his insistence
on living alone, he was often at Minato’s home for dinner. He was always overly
formal where he’d once been exuberant and silly, and it made them look at each
other with resigned expressions. Perhaps if they’d lived longer they might have
been able to bring him out of the self-imposed lonely existence. But eventually
they too were taken from him.
Obito and Rin would have called themselves his best friends, though he’d never
allowed them too close. He put up with Rin’s longing gaze, and Obito’s puppyish
enthusiasm because they were his assigned team. Obito did most of the talking
out of the trio, always chattering about this and that while Rin rolled her
eyes at him and stared after Kakashi with longing. Kakashi knew that she
thought she loved him, just as he knew that Obito loved her desperately while
she overlooked him easily. It wasn’t until Rin was captured that Kakashi’s
chosen path was truly put to the test. He moved on to the mission, regretful
but willing to leave Rin behind. He felt regret and remorse, but he reminded
himself of his father’s shame, and his father’s death. It was Obito who could
not take no for an answer. Obito who loved Rin far more than he loved the
village, cared for her well-being far more than he cared for his duty. And in
the ferocity of his belief, Kakashi felt the foundations of his own stubborn
resolve tremble. His father had loved his mother as much, and he’d never
regretted that love all his life. Obito reminded Kakashi of the man his father
had been, had insisted that his father was a great man, and Kakashi relented.
It was when Obito died that they discovered that Rin and he were soulmates,
because fate was a cruel mistress. How they’d never touched skin to skin was
beyond understanding. Kakashi could recall at that moment more than half a
dozen times where Obito or Rin had touched him accidentally. But Obito had
always been highly respectful of Rin, to the point that he wore gloves always.
Rin had always been fierce in her dislike for the Uchiha and had regarded him
with disdain. Kakashi supposed it made a twisted kind of sense that they were
bound together in the moment before Obito died.
When Rin placed her hands to Obito’s face to attempt the surgery that would
take his eye, she’d gasped. And Obito had grinned against the pain at the
knowledge that she was his, even too late. Rin had finally looked at the boy
who loved her more than he loved himself and she understood. Kakashi ceased to
exist in her mind, incomparable to the proud boy who kissed her with a mouth
full of his own blood. She’d watched in grief as he slowly lifted his sleeve to
reveal the raven that adorned his right forearm. And Kakashi turned away his
gaze when Rin turned and displayed her own matching mark low on her back. He’d
given them time alone, walking from them with stiff shoulders and suppressed
grief. And when Rin had called him over it had been with an anguished sob, her
voice breaking on his name. When he said goodbye to Obito it was as a friend,
the words Obito had once spoken to him ringing true in his ears.
“Those that break the rules and regulations are scum. But those who abandon
their comrades are even worse than scum.”
He’d made a promise to his friend to protect Rin, and he’d vowed that day that
he would. It was not to be. She’d accepted Obito as her soulmate, and to her
dying day she’d insisted futilely that his presence itched at the back of her
mind. It’s as if he’s still alive, she’d insisted. I can feel him. And it would
slowly drive her mad, the presence of the dead boy she’d loved too late.
Her death was a relief to her torment, but it only added to Kakashi’s own. Yes,
he now understood the importance of bonds, and could forgive his father for the
loyalty he’d given his team without question. But with Rin’s death it only made
him see just how detrimental a soulmate was. He vowed that he would never fall
victim to love and for years it seemed that fate had chosen to grant his wish,
the presence of a soulmate mark never appearing.
As time went on, he formed new bonds of comradery. Gai, an overexuberant boy
who had declared himself Kakashi’s eternal rival upon their first meeting
became his closest friend and ally. Kurenai, Asuma, Genma, and Anko were all
genin who chose to ignore the rumors surrounding Kakashi and tried to become
his friend. Despite his better judgment, Kakashi found that he tolerated their
presence in his life, and eventually grew to appreciate their affection for him
despite his reserved nature. After Minato and Kushina’s deaths he lost himself
for a time.
It shamed him later to think of it, but he’d turned his back on the boy who
looked so much like his sensei that it hurt. He turned his back on the chance
at a family with the little boy who faced the same prejudice and ridicule that
Kakashi had once faced, except worse. Kakashi blinded himself to the way the
village treated Naruto Uzumaki and joined Anbu’s ranks. His encounters with
Tenzo, once known as Kinoe showed him once again the wisdom of Obito’s words.
He trusted Tenzo when there was no reason to and earned his eternal admiration
and friendship in return.
Eventually Kakashi was honorably discharged by the Third Hokage in fears that
he would eventually lose himself in the often-cruel expectations of Anbu.
Kakashi understood the reasoning. He’d lost more than one friend during his
service and the demands of Anbu had begun to wear on him. His tenant of loyalty
to his comrades often clashed with the responsibilities associated with Anbu
and he was ultimately glad to leave its ranks. His only regret was that Tenzo
too, would be left behind. The man assured him that he was happy where he was
and had no desire to leave and it eased Kakashi’s conscious.
He hadn’t given the idea of soulmates a second thought in years. Kurenai and
Asuma were bonded, but anyone could have foreseen that in the years leading up
to hitting puberty. They antagonized each other relentlessly and Asuma teased
Kurenai far more than anyone else. But they were often seen at various cafes
and shops together when neither was on a mission, and they had a knack of
communicating without words. Kurenai hit puberty first, her slim body becoming
curvaceous in a matter of months. It was funny to Kakashi to see Asuma suddenly
become speechless when Kurenai was nearby. He began to avoid her as he tried to
come to terms with the new and confusing feelings his friend inspired in him.
His behavior confused Kurenai and hurt her more than she let on, but all was
resolved when Asuma finally hit puberty and their marks manifested on the same
day. Each bore a crimson tree, branches displaying the buds of flowers yet to
grow. They were married in a quiet ceremony at sixteen, deliriously happy. It
reminded Kakashi once again of his parents and he hoped that they would both
live long happy lives. He wished his father’s sorrow on no one.
Gai bore no mark after reaching puberty, and neither did Kakashi. That wasn’t
uncommon, as the marks didn’t manifest until both people had reached puberty.
It could mean that their soulmate was still young, and the idea troubled
Kakashi until he finally passed twenty with no mark appearing. Fate could not
be so cruel to give him such a young soulmate when he felt so very old, could
it? Gai mourned loudly that he would not experience the youthful fulfillment of
love. Anko too, did not bear a soulmark, though she took it in stride and
appeared unaffected.
Genma disclosed his mark, a small collection of blue stars that adorned his
left shoulder. They’d appeared when he was thirteen and he’d never bothered to
seek out the person who’d matched. He never disclosed why but Kakashi
understood that at thirteen he’d already fallen for a girl who was out of his
reach. The one time he’d asked Genma, his reply had simply been “The girl I
want, she’s gone from the village. I don’t need some mark to tell me that she’s
it for me. But I doubt I’ll see her again.” His reputation as a womanizer was
perhaps earned, but Kakashi sometimes wondered if Genma wrapped the title
around himself as a shield of sorts, to guard against the heartache he’d
already experienced at a young age.
He never once doubted that Genma’s feelings were genuine and not just young
foolishness, as others might. For civilians it was different. Shinobi grew up
faster, experienced things sooner. In their lives, especially in a time of war,
they were forced to set aside their childhoods for the good of Konoha. It was
an honor, but it required a steep price. Kurenai and Asuma were lucky to have
discovered each other so soon or at all. The life expectancy of a shinobi
during wartime was abysmal with Rin and Obito a tragic reminder. If a shinobi
did not receive their mark, it could also be inferred that their soulmate had
died young, perhaps just another shinobi child killed in action. It was better
to assume they’d never had a soulmate in the first place. Civilian and Shinobi
matches rarely worked out. Shinobi would always be required to serve, to put
their duty before their own happiness. Civilians did not understand war as
Shinobi did. They were affected by the food shortages, by the fear of another
village attacking but it was a distant fear. The whole point of the shinobi
force was to ensure that the regular citizens of Konoha felt safe, and that
they never truly experienced the consequences of war. So far, they had done
their jobs at the cost of too many shinobi lives, and the cost of the
reputation and family of one child: Naruto Uzumaki. In the end it was a small
price to pay to keep thousands of citizens safe, but it never sat well with
Kakashi. He wished sometimes that he could have set aside the anger of his
youth and given Naruto a proper family. When he did check on Naruto far too
late, he saw that Iruka Umino had taken the place of a father figure and he’d
cared for Naruto far more than as just another struggling student. It wasn’t
fair to Naruto but Iruka was a far better person than Kakashi, and he stepped
away from his sensei’s son to focus on protecting the village.
Kakashi’s long dreaded soulmark appeared just after his 25th birthday. He’d
drunk himself into a stupor the night he felt the burn of the mark. The thing
was a shameful monstrosity, covering his chest and stomach. His soulmark was a
cherry blossom tree in full bloom sitting atop a grassy knoll. It completely
covered the scars that had once existed in its place. It repulsed him to
realize that even if his soulmate was a late bloomer, they were still at least
a decade younger than him. That night Gai and Genma drank by his side and
carried him home when he finally lost consciousness. Neither of them knew what
had caused their friend such grief but were familiar with his intermittent
episodes of lost control and felt no urge to question him. Neither suspected
why he was drinking, choosing to respect the privacy of the most solitary of
their group. 
Soulmarks were supposed to be registered to make it easier for soulmates to
discover each other. Kakashi didn’t register his and medic-nin had given up
trying to force him into the mandatory physicals after he’d left Anbu. By 26 he
hadn’t passed a single genin team and expected the same result from his current
team. He refused to let it matter that Naruto was Minato’s son, that Sasuke was
the brother of a once friend and the last Uchiha to boot. Sakura Haruno came
from a civilian family, neither parent making it past genins. Kakashi expected
that Sakura wouldn’t make it farther than her parents.
Finding a soulmate wasn’t as easy as looking in the registry. Each soulmark was
unique but general descriptions were provided, as well as the basics of the
person that bore the mark such as age, gender and orientation if they were
willing to share. Then if someone discovered someone they believed fit as their
soulmate, a request could be sent to meet. Often these meetings amounted to
nothing. In the months after his soulmark appeared Kakashi offered to handle
the registry desk.
It raised no suspicions simply because he’d been severely injured during an S
rank mission and it was a choice between desk work or a lengthy stay in the
hospital for observation. Kakashi chose the desk job, thanking the common
knowledge that he avoided the hospital at all costs. He looked up anyone from
the ages of ten to sixteen who’d recently declared a soulmark matching his. No
one had declared anything in his two-week stint managing the registry desk and
he didn’t dare request access to the registry again. He was both confused and
relieved that anyone already registered and bearing a mark like his did not
match. He trailed the twelve potential candidates with descriptions ranging
from cherry blossom tree with a detailed description or ones as vague as
‘flower’ with nothing else mentioned. He felt no connection at the sight of any
of them, male or female. A match couldn’t ultimately be confirmed until you
compared the two marks side by side. However direct skin to skin contact was
often a confirmation before even seeing the mark. The feeling of touching your
soulmate for the first time was often described as a cooling sensation running
through your veins, even a sense of ‘coming home’. Kakashi didn’t feel anything
but relief when he touched the twelve potentials ranging in age from eleven to
sixteen. All touches had been engineered to appear as an accident, his targets
none the wiser. Kakashi hoped he never met his soulmate.
After Anbu he became a Jounin-sensei and participated in missions as any other
regular Jounin. The teams he failed were older than when he was once a genin.
Twice the age he’d been in their places and far happier and childish for it. He
looked on their round faces and eager smiles and felt no qualms about failing
three teams in succession when they did not pass the bell test, as his sensei
had required of his own team so long ago. It was not because he had no desire
to teach, as The Third assumed. That was part of it, the weight of his own past
failures a bitter pill to swallow. But it was because when he watched the
children together, there was no teamwork, no comradery. These kids would not
die for each other, they would not have each other’s backs when it was
eventually required of them. He could not pass anyone who did not understand
that abandoning comrades was worse than scum. He could not pass anyone who was
once as he was, solitary and determined to be alone.
XX
Sakura was eleven years old when she woke up with blood spotting her sheets and
an unpleasant cramping in her lower abdomen. She knew right away what was
happening, and she thrilled at the possibility of a soulmark. However, Sakura
was raised to be responsible from a young age. Though her parents hadn’t
progressed past genins, they were strict in her upbringing and reminded her of
her duty to the village and her home from a young age. The first thing she did
was strip her futon of her bedding and threw them in to wash, as well as the
clothes she’d been wearing to sleep. Then she made her bed with new sheets and
took a shower. She inspected herself closely as she bathed but found no sign of
a mark. It filled her with equal parts reassurance and trepidation. If she had
no mark there was a greater chance that her soulmate was Sasuke. Despite how
handsome and cool he was, Sasuke was still young, too young to have a mark
possibly. So, she hoped that she had no mark for that reason. But no mark could
also mean that she had no soulmate, and she would become one of the unmarked,
people who were destined to die alone. Sure, it was just something that Ino
teased her with, but it was a secret fear of hers. She knew that having no mark
ultimately meant nothing. Her parents both had marks and they weren’t the same,
but they still loved each other. And Ino’s parents didn’t have marks but they
were devoted to each other.
When she got out of the shower she inspected her body closely with critical
eyes. She wasn’t flat-chested, but her breasts were nothing more than small
buds, the hair between her legs wispy and barely there. She inspected her body
closely, looking under her arms and high between her thighs before turning and
finally seeing parts of the mark on the backs of either shoulder. The tree was
her namesake which annoyed her for the briefest moments and she had to wait
until she was standing in front of her full-length mirror before she could see
the full mark. The branches were dark and stretched towards her neck with limbs
stretched across both shoulder blades. Tree limbs that were laden with blooming
pink cherry blossoms. The tree was rooted on a small swell of land, the grass
high and obscuring the bottom of the wide trunk of the tree. Sakura smiled in
pleasure at the detail of the mark, so vivid that she could almost smell the
blossoms that drifted from the tree to hang suspended above the grass forever.
It was said that the larger and more detailed the mark was, the stronger the
bond. Sakura had nothing to verify that information with, but she giggled at
the thought.
“Take that Ino-pig!” She said smugly into the mirror. She had a soulmark before
her insufferable rival. And perhaps Sasuke had one too.
She dressed quickly, forgoing her usual chest bindings to show her mark to her
mother. Her mother tittered over her mark and congratulated her daughter in her
soft way, smiling with genuine pleasure at the joy on her daughter’s face. When
Sakura returned to her room she missed the pinched frown that appeared on her
mother’s face when the smile slid slowly off her face. It wasn’t that she
wasn’t happy for her daughter, to have a chance to find her soulmate and
experience what she herself never had. But she loved her husband. It wasn’t an
all-consuming passion, but a steady warmth driven by years spent growing
together. She would never tell Sakura that in her youth she’d met the man that
was her soulmate, and at the time Sakura was barely walking. The man had begged
her to run away with him, to abandon the man that she’d vowed to love for the
rest of her life. It was that plea that had made up her mind. Her husband would
have let her go with a heavy heart, but he would have understood. Her soulmate
hadn’t given a thought to the man she would be leaving behind, or the child
that she loved more than life itself. She’d been briefly tempted but when he
spoke of starting again, he spoke of their children and Sakura hadn’t been
included in that dream. It was said that soulmates understood each other
implicitly and she thought perhaps that came with time as all understanding
did. Her soulmate didn’t understand her love for Sakura, her duty to her
husband, or her grief at leaving either behind. In the end her decision had
been easy. She returned to her husband and child, and requested that her
soulmate never contact her again. He’d died some years later, when Sakura was
six or seven. She’d cried her tears in the dark of night, aching for a man and
life she would never have, but the next day she’d squared her shoulders and
moved on. She never had the heart to explain to Sakura that soulmates didn’t
always mean a happy ending and she was happier for not running away with hers.
It troubled Sakura’s mother to see the size and detail instilled into the mark.
If she considered the mark she had before her soulmate’s death, it wasn’t
extraordinary. A small black half-moon the size of three fingers pressed tight
together that sat on her left shoulder. Now that years had passed since her
soulmate’s death, the mark had faded to an ashen grey. Her husband’s mark was
of a similar size and black, though it was in the shape of a cresting wave. She
believed that her husband would not abandon his family if his soulmate stumbled
into their lives. She couldn’t help but think that maybe it was the lack of
detail in their marks that made them less susceptible to the pull of true love
and everlasting happiness. They were both realists, and neither wanted Sakura
to join the Academy but they’d always told her to follow her dreams. So, they
sat back and watched her leave their home with an eager step on her first day.
Sakura proved to be a star student, eager to learn and possessing almost
perfect chakra control. However, her ninjutsu wasn’t particularly strong and
her taijutsu was lacking as well. Sasuke excelled in anything he tried, as was
expected of the last Uchiha. Neji Hyuga was also just as talented, though his
cousin and the Hyuga heiress Hinata was too shy and lacked the confidence to
succeed. Then there was the bottom rung of the class. Naruto Uzumaki was
abysmal and close to failing. Rock Lee was also struggling though they both had
a dedication that Sakura couldn’t help but admire. Not that she’d ever tell
either of them. She generally liked Lee but his exuberant praise and general
appearance was a bit off-putting. Naruto was a loser, and for a reason that
Sakura couldn’t entirely understand, he was treated like garbage by the
citizens of Konoha. Even her own parents would not discuss why, but they
shuddered at his name the few times she’d complained about how much of an idiot
he was.
The Academy passed so quickly, friendships and bonds broken and reformed as
time progressed. Ino, Sakura’s once best friend had become her arch rival for
the affections of Sasuke. It stung sometimes that Sakura no longer had her
dearest friend to rely on because of a boy, and because they were now competing
to one up each other. Sakura grew closer to Hinata as a result. She found she
could vent to the soft-spoken girl without receiving any sort of judgment.
Hinata was amazingly supportive, but there was one thing on which they could
not agree. Hinata thought Naruto was amazing. He may as well have hung the sun
and stars in her eyes. She couldn’t even speak to him, or look at him for too
long without fainting. Sakura didn’t understand the appeal and Hinata had only
mentioned that he’d once stood up for her as an explanation. Still, she was
determined to sing Hinata’s praises if the opportunity ever presented itself.
It was the least she could do for a friend who’d made her time at the academy
better.
On the last week, teams were assigned based on several factors. Requests could
not be made and would be ignored. Iruka assigned the teams and was unbending on
his decisions. Sakura was beyond excited when it was announced she would be on
a team with Sasuke, and was equally as horrified to find that she was also on a
team with Naruto. Between flickering moods of elation and dread she managed to
send an apologetic smile towards Hinata who was placed with Shino and Kiba.
Shino was an odd one, too quiet to really stand out, and Kiba was almost as
obnoxious as Naruto. They were told to sit together, to get to know each other
if they weren’t already familiar with each other. Naruto immediately took that
as an invitation to explain that his favorite food was ramen, and his favorite
ramen stand was Ichiraku. While he waxed poetic about the many great qualities
of ramen, Sakura waved goodbye to Hinata who stared at Naruto with such longing
that it made Sakura’s stomach hurt. Hinata’s sensei was the first to arrive and
she was led out of the room, her face twisted so she could see Naruto until the
last possible second. Hinata waved at Sakura with a tremulous smile, expression
falling when she noticed that all of Naruto’s attention was fixed solely on
Sakura. All his enthusiasm aimed at the girl who didn’t even see him. She
dropped her head, fingers twisting her hair sadly as she followed a whooping
Kiba out of the room. Sakura punched Naruto when he didn’t even notice that
Hinata was gone.
“Idiot,” she muttered as the class continued to empty.
After a while, even Naruto could no longer think of things to tell them about
ramen. Sakura had attempted to engage Sasuke in conversation, but he answered
in monosyllables and jerky motions, until he ignored her completely and stared
moodily out of the window. Naruto began to fidget and pace, complaining loudly
that maybe they didn’t get a sensei. Eventually he got the idea to play a prank
on their erstwhile sensei. Sasuke blinked at his actions, tch-ing in
disapproval. Sakura tried to reason with Naruto, but you couldn’t reason with
idiocy and instead yelled at him and threatened to end him. She wore herself
down and sighed in resignation.
“Our sensei is an elite shinobi Naruto. They’re not going to fall for a stupid
eraser prank.”
“We’ll see.” Naruto said smugly and sat down to wait, his eager expression
fixed on the door.
XX
Time passed too quickly for Kakashi and the yearly Academy graduation
approached. Another year, another team to fail so he could return to solo
missions. On the day where he was to meet his students, he went to the cenotaph
as he always did. It was a time of reflection, of regret and mourning that he
subjected himself to as a self-punishment for his past sins. He spoke to Obito
and Rin, to his father and mother, to Minato and Kushina. He apologized for his
mistakes and he updated Minato and Kushina with news on Naruto. A poor student
but a determined one, just like his father had once been. He apologized in
advance to Minato for failing his son and requested his forgiveness. He thanked
Rin and Obito for their friendship, Minato and Kushina for their stubborn
affection. To his father he offered no thanks, but did his best to forgive. It
was still a struggle to let go of the resentment when so many years had passed.
He ended as he always did, with soft words for a mother he no longer remembered
and a hope that she watched over him even now.
He looked at the position of the sun and smiled in satisfaction. If he hurried
he would only be two hours later, rather than the three that was typical. He
wondered if Iruka had bothered to warn the three students that would become his
team. When he walked into the classroom with only three students remaining he
was hit unceremoniously by an eraser on the top of his head.
“Hmmm...how do I put this? My first impression of you is...I hate you.”
He watched as Naruto burst into loud laughter, pointing at the chalk that had
covered his vest and hair. Sasuke Uchiha did his best to appear bored but
Kakashi read his amusement in the twitch of his lips. Kakashi focused idly on
Sakura, her face frozen in horror. He felt his stomach clench as he made eye
contact with the young girl, her cheeks flushing prettily as his lone eye met
both of hers.
“I’m sorry, se-sensei! I tried to stop him!”
Kakashi found himself lost for words. He wasn’t a particularly vocal person,
very often a silent observer of the rowdier behavior and loud conversation from
his generation of shinobi and those he considered friends. Now, he felt like he
physically couldn’t speak, his voice lost somewhere in the confusion
surrounding his conflicting feelings. Shock, as he met the eyes of his student
and felt years of self-recrimination inside him quiet. An inexplainable joy as
he took in her appearance: rosy cheeks, a broad forehead, short almost delicate
stature, light pink hair and bright green eyes. An undefined sorrow at the
realization that she’d arrived in his life far too late. Much younger than he’d
hoped, and it created a tightness in his chest to realize that he’d held hope
deep inside him at all.
His mind immediately thought back to the few memories he held of his mother and
father together. Soulmates that had seemed to be a perfect match. Those
memories held a happiness he hadn’t experienced since he was very young, and he
hated that he remembered that warmth at this moment.
“Hey, sensei!” He was brought out of his reverie by the waving hand in front of
his face. Naruto was yelling in his face.
Kakashi blinked, assuming his customary slouch and lazy expression. He turned
and left the room, trusting that they would follow him as he tried to sort out
his thoughts. Sakura Haruno, what did he know about the girl? Barely 12 years
old with high testing scores, but little to no practical skills. He’d been
ready to dismiss her, even if they somehow managed to pass the bell test. He’d
asked Iruka for an honest assessment of the three, trusting his judgment more
than any others. And Iruka had praised Sakura’s intelligence and theoretical
knowledge but had rubbed the back of his neck as he admitted that she sometimes
seemed more concerned about catching the eye of Sasuke, then becoming a skilled
shinobi. He had confidence in her abilities but doubted that she would progress
past chunin if she didn’t focus her attention away from Sasuke and frivolous
pursuits in general.
He glared darkly at the thought of the Uchiha with Sakura. They were both young
and would be trained together, fight together and grow to rely on each other
heavily in the coming months. It wasn’t unheard of for teammates to form
romantic bonds, though it was highly discouraged. From reports, it was clear
that she adored the raven-haired boy, though he appeared to be indifferent to
her feelings. Kakashi squashed the satisfaction he felt at that thought.
On the roof, where his students had taken his cue and followed him, he asked
them to explain their motivations and their goals as a shinobi. It was
something he asked every team, but he’d never really paid attention to their
answers. Why did he need to when they all eventually failed in the end? This
time he listened closely. Naruto’s goal to be Hokage was almost admirable, and
considering his father, not completely out of his reach. Kakashi felt regret as
he considered the motivation behind Naruto’s dream. No one had treated him
well, except for Iruka and the Third and he was yearning for a sense of
validation and acceptance he’d never been shown. Kakashi shoved the guilt he
felt away for a different time. Sasuke’s goal of revenge against who Kakashi
could only assume was his traitorous brother was concerning. That path led
nowhere good, but Kakashi could see the intensity of feeling and discipline
he’d held as a youth reflected in Sasuke’s eyes and he felt a wave of sympathy.
Kakashi paid particular attention to Sakura as she ducked her head and kicked a
pebble while she considered his question. He got the impression that she was
changing the answer she instinctively wanted to say. Would it have reflected
her obsession with Sasuke? He waited impatiently for her response, hoping that
she would not disappoint him.
“I, uh…can you ask me another time, sensei?” she finally managed, offering a
quick glance of apology before her gaze returned to her feet.
He let it go, considering it a positive thing that she might be reevaluating
her decisions. “Maa Sakura, feel free to let me know whenever you are ready.”
With that, he dismissed them for the day and told them to meet him at one of
the training grounds the following morning. The sun was already setting low in
the sky, the orange hues reminding him that he once again hadn’t eaten in
hours. He stopped by Ichiraku on his way home and ordered some miso soup, as
well as an eggplant dish he usually only indulged in after particularly hard
missions. He ran into Naruto while there and politely listened as the boy spoke
loudly and enthusiastically about his dream of becoming Hokage. It was a nice
change of routine and filled Kakashi with an unexpected wave of affection for
the boy that looked so much like his beloved sensei. He ruffled Naruto’s hair
on his way out of the door. Naruto huffed indignantly but Kakashi read the
surprise and joy on his face at the unfamiliar gesture. For once, Kakashi was
hoping that a team might pass, no matter the implication of who Sakura was to
him.
XX
When Sakura first looked at Kakashi her heart picked up speed. She didn’t
understand why she suddenly couldn’t look away from him. His hair looks soft,
was her first thought, even as she immediately ratted Naruto out. She
admittedly couldn’t see much of his face, covered as it was by his mask and
Hitae-ate, but she felt like his uncovered eye could see right down to her
bones. She felt her face flush, knowing that she probably looked stupid with
her current expression frozen in place, but he looked equally struck. Well, as
far as she could tell with his face mostly covered.
Naruto finally snapped their sensei out of whatever funk he’d fallen into and
the man left immediately afterwards, not even introducing himself. They
followed him in confusion as he led them to the roof. She noted that it was
already dinner time and their errant sensei had kept them waiting for two
hours. Was he on a mission? Had he been hurt? Did he really hate her? She
shrugged off her weird thoughts and focused as their new sensei introduced
himself as Kakashi Hatake. Sakura remembered hearing about him briefly from
Iruka and understood that he was famous for copying jutsu. She watched him
eagerly as his attention was focused on Naruto and Sasuke, frustrated by the
mask and Hitae-ate that covered most of his face. When his lone eye turned to
her in query, she ducked her head in sudden embarrassment. What was her hobby,
her likes, her goal? Immediately Sasuke came to mind and she felt shame and
guilt. What had seemed natural now seemed silly when faced with this Jounin,
her sensei. What was it about him that made her reconsider? She couldn’t look
him in the eyes as she tried to think of an adequate answer, but nothing came
to mind. Daydream about her life with Sasuke when they were grown, prove to him
that she was a capable kunoichi, and eventually marry him. Stupid, stupid,
stupid.He didn’t seem to mind that she had no answer and of that she was glad.
She would think of something and she would tell him her response with no
hesitation next time.
The bell test was surprisingly difficult, and she was humiliated to find that
her devotion to Sasuke remained intact. To have a genjutsu used against her
like that was so embarrassing. She wondered what Kakashi thought of her
childish crush and hoped that he no longer hated her as he said. She would
prove that she could be a strong shinobi. There was no other option. They
passed, barely but she could not suppress her excitement. She was a ninja! That
night she wrote in her diary about the eventful day, and if her entry had a
little too much about how cool Kakashi was, she would ignore it.
XX
Soulmates. Kakashi mused on what the term meant to him now that he was faced
with the impossible. Specifically, one little pink-haired Sakura Haruno. He
didn’t allow himself to inspect too closely the maelstrom of feelings that had
sprung up surrounding the girl. Protectiveness was forefront and it was in a
Hatake’s nature considering how closely they were tied to their ninken. Traits
were shared, and bonds formed over time that could not be broken.
Protectiveness he could handle. She was his charge and he was tasked with
helping her grow into a strong shinobi. He would not let it get out of hand. If
he had one lasting trait from his youth it was self-discipline if it was
required of him. He could be her soulmate as well as her team captain, as long
as she was never made aware of their connection.
He considered making the situation known to the Third and requesting a new
team. It was a reasonable response given the circumstances, but the teams were
carefully selected, and the loss of Sakura could mean that Sasuke and Naruto
would be transferred as well, however unlikely. And who better to train the
last Uchiha than him? Not to mention he’d discovered a dormant affection for
Minato’s son. He could not in good conscience step away again. He’d already
made a promise to Naruto in his head and he would fulfill it.
He chose a cowardly tactic with Sakura. He favored the boys over her, and
watched her confusion grow with each passing mission as he focused on Naruto
and Sasuke’s training. Not that he would ever neglect her. He could do no less
than ensure that she never died like Rin or Obito. No, he just withheld the
hair ruffles he forced on the boys, as well as limiting praise and unnecessary
interaction. Perhaps it seemed that he was never satisfied with Sakura, and it
pained him to see her confusion turn to hurt and bitter resolve. It would be
better if she’d resented or grew to hate him instead. He told himself that it
was good that she didn't become attached to him, so she would not suspect. He
was careful never to make skin contact and hardly spoke to her if they weren’t
on a mission.
Kakashi allowed himself to spend more time with Naruto who soaked up all his
attention with the eagerness of a puppy. He thanked Naruto’s unassuming nature
that never questioned why his sensei spent so much time with him and just
accepted it happily. They went for ramen occasionally, though Kakashi never
tried to infringe on the pastime that Iruka had shared with Naruto for years.
Instead he liked to tell him stories of his sensei and old team, always making
sure to include Minato in whatever he shared. It wasn’t enough, but at least
Naruto grew to know and respect his father without realizing it.
Sasuke too demanded his attention for training. Always striving to be better so
that he could one day face Itachi on even ground and kill him. Kakashi looked
for ways to redirect Sasuke’s aggression but had yet to find a worthy way to
channel it away from the consuming need to get revenge. He triedIcha Icha, his
own tried and true method of redirecting his boundless energy. Sasuke had
scoffed at the attempts and sneered at the plot. He’d even once dared to insult
the esteemed Jiraiya for creating what he termed as “filth”. Kakashi would
never forgive him for that slight. He’d even once asked Sasuke if any girls had
caught his attention, figuring teenage hormones was as good a way as anything
to distract him. Sasuke’s eyes had drifted to Sakura training determinedly with
Naruto as he denied such base instincts. Kakashi bristled at the unintended
interest and never brought up the subject again. Sakura was his.
Sakura never brought up the subject of her goals and hobbies again, though he
often saw her chewing her lip with consideration in quieter moments. He didn’t
press the issue as he watched her disgust of Naruto evolve into a grudging
respect, and a stare from Sasuke that lasted too long still made her blush
nervously.
The weeks and months passed quickly, and Kakashi did his best to prepare his
team for the chunin exams. He had no doubt that they could pass but a tight
ball of worry still formed when he thought of Sakura facing so much hostility.
He knew that Sasuke and Naruto would defend her with their lives, the bond
formed between Team 7 more than just comrades, but that of dear friends. It
wasn’t reassuring and as he wished them good luck and watched them walk away he
couldn’t let her go without saying something.
“Sakura!” She turned immediately at his voice, surprise and wariness in her
eyes as she waited for him to speak. Naruto and Sasuke had already gotten quite
far ahead towards the gates and didn’t hear him or notice that Sakura was no
longer with them. He approached her carefully, smiling in his own way, eye
creasing with reassurance. “Don’t worry so much. You’ll do fine,” he offered
her.
Indeed, he could see the worry that creased her brow stemming from her concern
that she wasn’t good enough, nowhere as skilled as Naruto or Sasuke. Kakashi
cursed his inability to tell her that she would likely never reach their level
of expertise but that would never be her fault. Naruto was the son of the
Fourth Hokage and the strongest Jinchuuriki to boot. Sasuke was from one of the
founding clans of Konoha and was destined for greatness from his birth. Sakura
held the potential for greatness in her own way, but she needed to discover
that for herself.
Sakura flinched, startled as his gloved hand came to rest on top of her head,
carefully mussing her hair. She stared at him wide-eyed, her gaze yearning with
a need for reassurance and the acceptance she felt he’d never given her.
“Sensei?”
“Maa, Sakura, you’re just as good as any of those genin. Remember that.” In a
movement almost too quick to be noticed, he brushed a stray hair behind her
ear. Sakura flushed, instinctively turning her face towards his hand too late
to touch him. He stepped back as she watched him carefully. “Now go, before
Naruto and Sasuke start without you.”
Determination lit Sakura’s eyes and she nodded once, fists clenching. “Yes,
sensei!” She smiled at him, but with her ferocity it came off as more of a
grimace as she met his eye. “I won’t let you down, Kakashi-sensei!” With that
promise, she turned and bounded away, Naruto and Sasuke finally noticing her
absence. Kakashi watched as the boys crowded her, probably questioning what it
was he said to her. Even they had noticed how distant he was to Sakura, but
they both assumed it was because she was a girl.
“You’ve never let me down Sakura.” Kakashi said to himself softly. “You never
could.”
***** Part Two: During the Time-skip *****
Chapter Notes
     I've decided to break down the story into three parts. This is the
     second part, and a little angstier than I meant to make it.
     I started this story over a year ago and it's been edited and
     rewritten several times in that time. It's gone from roughly 7000
     words to what it is now and I'm still not sure how I feel about this
     latest direction. I've taken extreme liberties with Kakashi's
     Sharingan. Please don't hate me.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Sasuke left the village, despite Kakashi’s best attempts. Naruto too, left to
train with Jiraiya and Sakura was left alone with her lazy sensei. She missed
the boys greatly and felt sorrow at Sasuke’s departure, never able to fully
understand his motives. Naruto, the once nuisance in her life had become almost
like a surrogate brother and it was hard not to see him every day. She felt
guilty that in the time since they’d become teammates she hadn’t properly
introduced Hinata to Naruto and she would sometimes spend time with Hinata to
make up for it. The girl was hopelessly devoted to Naruto and moped with his
absence, even if they’d never been what could be considered close.
She and Ino had begun rebuilding that bridge to friendship after the events of
the chunin exam and both of their disqualifications. It was a slow and awkward
at first as they tried to think of something to say that didn’t end up in an
argument. The presence of Tenten and Hinata often alleviated the tension. It
was when they were all hanging together that the discussion of boys was brought
up for the first time since they were in the Academy.
“Hey, fore-, uh Sakura! Are you still in love with Sasuke?” Ino asked her as
she painted her nails. Tenten paused in painting Hinata’s toenails a light
lavender and nodded her head in agreement with the question.
Sakura was ready to deny automatically that she’d ever felt anything for
Sasuke, but she paused and considered her answer. “I don’t love him,” she
started. “I think I never did. I was obsessed with him to be sure, as were you
Ino.”
Ino shrugged. “Well he was the best looking in the Academy and he always seemed
so mysterious and cool.” She looked up from her nails and watched Sakura
closely. “If you don’t love Sasuke, is there anyone that catches your eye?”
Kakashi, was her knee-jerk response. Sakura frowned at the thought, wondering
where it had come from. She shook her head in denial, but her thoughts focused
on her sensei who she’d begun to miss as much as Naruto. It had been awhile
since they’d sat down for their periodic lunches. Their relationship had
improved greatly with the absence of the boys, but she’d always sensed a forced
distance that Kakashi placed between them. He was never the talkative type,
except oddly with Naruto, but he’d always shown more affection for the boys. He
hadn’t touched her again since that time before the chunin exams when she’d
desperately needed reassurance. She’d dreamed about his fingers brushing her
ear for weeks afterwards and had often awoken with a deep sense of comfort.
“You’re lying,” Ino announced definitively. “It’s okay, I’ll tell you mine and
maybe you’ll feel comfortable enough to tell me who you like.”
Tenten rolled her eyes. “How generous of you Ino.” Sarcasm dripped from her
voice. It was obvious that Ino had only asked Sakura, so she could speak about
herself.
“Yes, isn’t it,” Ino sniffed. “I like Kiba!” At Hinata’s small gasp, she
grinned. “What? He’s a good-looking guy and his fangs and face paint do
something for me.”
“He doesn’t have fangs!” Sakura groaned. “His incisors are just a little longer
than usual.”
“Fangs, incisors; to-may-to, to-mah-to. It’s all the same.” Ino said smugly.
“He smells like wet dog,” Tenten said with a grimace. “Besides, Hinata said his
soulmate tattoo wasn’t the same as any of ours.”
Ino sighed dramatically at the news. “You know, I’m so sick of soulmarks. Why
couldn’t I have found my soulmate the same as Kurenai-sensei and Asuma-sensei
did?”
Sakura raised an eyebrow at Hinata curiously. “I know you’ve seen my soulmark,
but how do you know everyone else’s?”
“I think we all had the same idea,” Tenten shrugged her shoulders. “Hinata is a
great listener.”
Hinata nodded her head weakly, blushing heavily as everyone stared at her. “Ino
has an ink bird on her shoulder, Tenten has a small dragon on her stomach, and
Sakura has a cherry blossom tree on her back.”
Ino and Tenten snorted at Sakura’s soulmark and she glared at them in return.
“I’ve never seen your soulmark Hinata. Did you get one yet?” Sakura asked her
curiously. Last time they’d spoken about it, Hinata hadn’t manifested one. Not
that meant anything. Sakura was odd for already having a soulmark once reaching
puberty. It likely meant her soulmate was at least a few years older and that
didn’t bother her as much as it used to. It wasn’t like she still mooned over
Sasuke anymore.
Hinata face flooded with colour and she seemed lost for words. In response she
tugged down her skirt on her left hip. Ino squealed in anticipation as Sakura
watched in curiosity. Modesty wasn’t applicable in a shinobi’s life. If there
weren’t public bathhouses, then it was just something that was set aside early
as genins. Sakura would need both hands to count how many times she’d glimpsed
the boys in some state of undress. She’d even seen Naruto’s ass on two separate
occasions. She shuddered at the memory then thought about Kakashi. She’d rarely
seen him in less than his full Jounin uniform. Even when injured, he’d always
shrugged off their concern and promised to go to the hospital later. They’d all
been awed the first time he’d been forced to strip down to his sleeveless
undershirt and they saw his Anbu tattoo for the first time. It was faded, and
Sakura’s eyes had been drawn to the muscles of his biceps. His arms had never
looked so big in sleeves. He wasn’t as heavily muscled as Asuma but she’d more
than enjoyed the sight. That was the first time she’d woken with an ache
between her legs. And it was over Kakashi’s arms no less! Sakura shook the
thought out of her head, relieved to see that no one paid her any attention as
they were focused on Hinata’s soulmark.
Sakura shoved Ino out of the way so she could see properly. She oohed at the
large sun that had taken over Hinata’s entire hip and covered quite a bit of
her upper thigh as well. The sun was in shades of orange and yellow, with a
swirled pattern encompassing the middle. Sakura’s eyes narrowed as she stared
at the symbol. It reminded her of the symbol on the Jounin vests, or even more
of the curse mark that was on Naruto’s stomach.
“Woah,” Tenten breathed in appreciation. “That’s one monster soulmark. Even my
dragon is smaller.” She pulled up her shirt and showed off her winding dragon
with green scales and an orange underbelly.
“That’s nothing!” Ino announced smugly. “Look at mine!” She quickly discarded
her shirt and shrugged off her bra, so they could see her full tattoo. She
twirled and stretched out her arms. Centered on her right shoulder was a bird
that appeared to be drawn in black ink. The tips of its spread wings touched
her collarbone and shoulder blade.
Tenten whistled, her expression clouded with equal parts envy and amazement.
“That’s a good one.” She admitted.
“Sakura’s is the biggest,” Hinata offered shyly.
Tenten and Ino turned towards Sakura with accusing eyes and raised eyebrows.
“Where and how?” They both demanded. They’d both seen her naked after all.
Sakura shrugged. “Same as you two I assume since I’ve never caught a glimpse of
either of those marks at the bathhouse. I learned how to cover it with genjutsu
almost right away. It’s too big to cover by conventional means if I have to be
shirtless for any reason.”
“Let’s see it!” Ino demanded impatiently, already pulling at Sakura’s clothing.
“Ino-pig!” Sakura shoved the blonde girl away indignantly.
As all three girls stared at Sakura she felt a wave of anxiety under their
scrutiny. It was true that she’d never heard of a mark quite as large as hers.
She’d seen her mother’s faded mark and her father’s as well, but they were
miniscule in comparison. There was a reason she kept it covered.
She pulled off her shirt reluctantly and turned around, unwrapping her chest
bindings slowly as they stared. Tenten and Ino huffed in impatience as they saw
nothing. Sakura swallowed hard, steadying her nerves. For a moment there was
silence then two strangled gasps as she released the genjutsu she’d implemented
automatically when she’d taken her shirt off.
“Sakura!” Ino squeaked, “It’s huuge.”
“I know,” Sakura said. “Do you see why I keep it covered?”
“The amount of chakra you must have to expend to maintain even such a simple
jutsu must be exhausting,” Tenten said quietly.
Sakura pulled back on her shirt and turned back around. She tugged on her high
collar. “That’s why I wear this style of shirt. It covers a bit of my neck as
well. Otherwise I’d always be threatened by chakra exhaustion.”
“You’ve hit the jackpot!” Ino crowed. “Whoever your soulmate is will absolutely
adore you!”
Sakura’s stomach dropped as she thought fleetingly of Kakashi. She’d heard the
rumors that he was one of the few that had remained markless from his
generation. Not that it should matter. He would never see her that way and she
had a soulmate out there that would love her.
“Are you okay Sakura?” Hinata inquired softly.
Sakura smiled in consolation. “Yeah, I guess I’m just tired.”
Hinata eyed her with concern but accepted her response. “It is getting late. We
should probably head home.”
She tapped Tenten and Ino on the shoulders to interrupt their sudden argument
on who had the best soulmark. “We’re going,” Hinata said with uncharacteristic
firmness.
They agreed readily at Hinata’s tone and headed out the door while still
arguing about their soulmarks. As Hinata started to clear up the mess they’d
left behind Sakura noticed with amusement that only seven of Hinata’s toes had
been painted.
“Come on Hinata, I’ll help you with your toes first.”
Hinata looked at her feet and giggled at the sight. “That would be nice. Thank
you.”
They sat in silence for moments as Sakura carefully painted Hinata’s remaining
three toes and then waited for them to dry.
“Can you keep a secret?” Sakura asked Hinata, already knowing that Hinata would
go to her grave before betraying the confidences of a friend.
“I won’t tell a soul,” Hinata promised solemnly.
“I don’t know who my soulmate is.” Sakura sighed. “But from the moment I met
him, I’ve wished it was Kakashi.”
“Kakashi-sensei?” Hinata whispered, glancing around as if he was going to pop
out of the shadows any second.
“Yeah,” Sakura whispered. “And the stupid thing is, sometimes I think he wishes
it too.”
She thought back to the moment they’d met, both struck silent but maybe for
different reasons. She thought about the brush of gloved fingers against her
ear and the weight of his hand in her hair that haunted her dreams. She thought
about the strain of their relationship and how careful Kakashi was not to touch
her or get too close. She could drive herself crazy with his often-conflicting
behavior. Sometimes she caught him glancing at her with an almost wistful look
in his dark eye, but she could always convince herself that she was imagining
it.
“Sakura, he’s fourteen years older than you. He’s an adult and you’re still a
child.” Hinata sounded apologetic and ready to cry.
“I know!” Sakura groaned. “I know, I know, I know.That’s what I tell myself all
the time. It’s not about sex,” she asserted. Even if she’d had some pretty
steamy dreams about him. “He makes me feel safe. Every time I look at him, I
feel like nothing bad could happen to me.”
“Kurenai-sensei makes me feel very safe,” Hinata said, struggling to understand
for her friend’s sake.
“It’s more than that.” Sakura moaned in frustration. How could she encapsulate
a million feelings and the connection she’d felt with Kakashi from the very
beginning into words? “He feels like home, Hinata. When I’m with him, I’m
home.”
Hinata was quiet for a moment, her brow furrowed in concentration. Finally, she
smiled softly at Sakura. “You’ll be an adult in just over two years Sakura.
That’s not that long to wait. Fourteen and twenty-eight might seem like a big
difference now, but seventeen and thirty-one isn’t too terrible if he’s your
soulmate. My father was eleven years older than my mother before she died.
Ino’s mother is nine years younger than her father and they seem truly happy.”
Sakura laughed, tears leaking from her eyes at Hinata’s easy acceptance and
encouragement. “You’re right, Hinata. That isn’t too long.”
Hinata surprised Sakura with a hug but she clung to Hinata nonetheless. “Thank
you for telling me Sakura.”
“Thank you for listening Hinata. I’m sure that once Naruto gets his head out of
his ass he’ll be quick to realize how amazing you are.”
“I hope so,” Hinata said with a wistful smile. Her expression turned
mischievous, “If you were only a little uglier I might have a chance.”
“Hinata!” Sakura gasped in mock outrage. They both burst into giggles, Hinata’s
eyes welling with tears of mirth.
XX
It had been over a week since he’d seen Sakura last. He was trying to limit the
time he spent with her, but it was growing harder and harder to stay away. She
was always open to spending time with him, willing to drop whatever she was
doing to go for a meal with him. Even once abandoning Lee in the middle of what
appeared to be their first date.
Lee had encouraged her to leave when Sakura had turned to look back at him with
a guilty expression. “Please Sakura, do not worry about me! Training with your
sensei is the most important thing in the world!” He’d given her his trademark
thumbs up and she’d laughed at his exuberance.
“Thanks Lee! I promise we’ll try again soon.”
They’d walked in companionable silence for a few moments, Sakura chewing
carefully on her bottom lip. Kakashi mouth dried at the sight of her teeth
worrying her lip until it was pink and moist. Bad Kakashi. Very bad.
“How old are you now, Sakura?”
She glanced at him curiously. “Fourteen, sensei.”
“Ahh,” he rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment at the need to know.
“And has Lee caught your attention then?”
Sakura’s cheeks flushed at the out of character suggestion. He’d never so much
as mentioned her old obsession with Sasuke, even if she was sure it was so
obvious. “Lee is nice, sensei. He makes me laugh.” She twirled the hair framing
her face around one finger, her eyes filling with that same contemplative look
that he sometimes noticed on her. She looked at him sideways, hesitating
briefly before speaking. “Does that make you jealous, Kakashi?”
Kakashi felt his eyes widen, his heart nearly stopping at the knowing look in
her eyes. He forced a chuckle, reaching out to ruffle her hair carelessly.
“Maa, Sakura-chan, you’re too young yet to drop the honorific. Respect your
elders.”
Sakura looked ready to slap his hand away, hurt and annoyed by his easy
dismissal of the question. “And what if I do like Lee? He treats me better than
my stupid sensei!” With that statement, Sakura turned back the way she came and
stomped off with clenched fists.
So young, Kakashi mused. So easily riled. But she was speaking the truth. Lee
had always adored Sakura and had never hidden his hope that she would have his
matching soulmark. Lee didtreat her better than Kakashi ever had. Always
respectful, always ready to help her, always praising her abilities and natural
beauty. He made Kakashi look like an unfeeling monster in comparison. How many
times had he made Sakura cry since he’d known her? And yet she still liked him
for some reason. Was that the soulmark influencing her? Would she forget him if
he finally forced himself to step back and let her live her life?
He loved her, that couldn’t be denied. He would give his life for hers easily,
but he was broken and scarred and burned out. Eventually he would snuff out the
light of her carefree smile, and he would pull her too deep into his darkness.
She hadn’t grown up in the world he had, always fighting, always bleeding for
Konoha while the only people he loved died around him. She wasn’t the same as a
civilian, not as innocent, not as soft. She’d killed people and he’d been so
very tempted to pull her close in that moment to comfort her. The first was
always the hardest. But he’d allowed Naruto to move ahead of him and swallowed
hard as Sakura clung to the boy and sobbed into his shoulder. It wasn’t
Kakashi’s place to comfort her. He would not allow it to be. It was only
another reminder of the distance between them. He’d been half her age the first
time he’d slit someone’s throat with his kunai. And he’d been expected not to
feel anything, so he hadn’t. No one had been there to offer comfort, nor would
they. His team had already accomplished so much, but they were still children.
And he had to remind himself of that daily as he tried to view Sakura in a
paternal light and failed miserably.
He’d caught himself watching her slim toned legs as she fought, staring too
long at the small swell of her breasts hidden under her high-necked shirt. Her
face had lost some of it’s childish roundness, and she was growing into her
forehead. She was lean and muscled, well on her way to becoming an exemplary
kunoichi. And he was a sick, old pervert for the race of his heart when her
shirt lifted enough for him to glimpse her pale toned abdomen. Where was his
self-discipline now? His hand still tingled from the softness of her hair, his
nose still burning with the smells he associated with Sakura alone. Blossoms
and spring, warmth and happiness and home.
XX
Tears threatened to fall as Sakura made her way back to Lee, who was still
enjoying his dinner alone, her own dish still half full on the table across
from him. She wiped at the corner of her eyes angrily and took a deep breath,
pasting a smile on her face as she approached him.
“I’m back, Lee!”
Lee looked up eagerly, his bright expression falling somewhat as he noticed the
pained smile she had on her face. “Are you okay, Sakura-chan? Where has
Kakashi-sensei gone?”
Sakura shrugged as she slid back into the seat across from him. “He had to
leave.”
“A mission then,” Lee commiserated knowingly. “Gai-sensei occasionally has to
abandon our training regimen because he is an elite Jounin and we cannot join
him on certain missions. I understand the frustration!”
“Yeah, Lee. That’s it.” Sakura sniffed, picking at the dish she’d been enjoying
only moments before.
“I’m sorry Sakura, I don’t mean to pry but,” Lee hesitated. “Did you exchange
harsh words with Kakashi-sensei?”
“Why do you ask?” Sakura smiled brightly but falsely, and she could see that
she wasn’t fooling Lee at all.
“I would say it’s just a guess.” Lee speculated “I don’t mean to make you
uncomfortable.”
“It’s okay Lee,” Sakura sighed. “Maybe you haven’t noticed but Kakashi and I
don’t have the best relationship. He thinks I’m useless.”
“That can’t be true!” Lee said in alarm. “Gai-sensei is always mentioning that
Kakashi speaks very highly of your talents. Why do you think I admire you so
much?”
Sakura’s chest filled with hope. “Maybe he’s talking about Sasuke and Naruto.”
“No,” Lee affirmed with conviction. “Naruto and Sasuke are the worthiest of
opponents but Kakashi hardly speaks of them. Gai-sensei said that Kakashi-
sensei cares for you as much as Gai-sensei cares for me!” With that, Lee’s eyes
filled with tears as he thought of his dear sensei who’d stepped so bravely
into the arena to protect him from Gaara so long before.
Sakura found herself spending the rest of the ‘date’ comforting Lee who was
inconsolable about Gai’s absence. By the end of it, they’d agreed to remain
friends but not go on anymore romantic dates. Lee had shown her his tattoo, a
small bowl of ramen that sat on his neck underneath the collar of his green
jumpsuit and she’d informed him that her own mark didn’t match. He took the
news surprisingly well and wished her luck in finding her own soulmate.
“Maybe your soulmate is Naruto!” Sakura suggested in a fit of giggles.
Lee shuddered in mock fear. “I respect Naruto greatly, but I sincerely hope
not!”
Sakura eyed the mark carefully, and asked Lee. “Let me know if I’m out of line,
but it seems like you and Gai-sensei share a bond that is stronger than just
sensei and student. Do you…have feelings for Gai-sensei?”
Lee looked flabbergasted at the mere suggestion. “You have read our
relationship entirely wrong, Sakura! Or at least, partly. Gai-sensei isn’t just
my sensei, that is true. He’s like a father to me. I respect him and love him
as I would love my own father, if I knew him.”
Sakura’s face turned a red dark enough to match her shirt. “I’m sorry Lee! I
didn’t mean to imply…”
“It is alright Sakura. Surely you can understand the bond? Naruto has often
said that he’s always considered Iruka-sensei as the father he’s never had, and
Kakashi as his eccentric uncle. Do you not feel like Kakashi is your family?”
“It’s different for me,” Sakura hedged. “I have a father and mother that love
me dearly.” Unlike you and Naruto remained unsaid. “I could never see him as a
father figure.” That would be sickening considering some of the dreams she’d
had about the man. But she could never consider him as an uncle or even a big
brother either. “I guess I see him as my family.” Of sorts. Maybe her future
husband if she really considered it.
“See!” Lee said triumphantly. “Our teams are more than teams, they are
families. Did you know that Asuma-sensei named Shikamaru the godfather of his
unborn child?”
“Wow, that’s so cool!” Sakura smiled, eager to get off the topic of how she
viewed Kakashi.
Lee walked her home as any gentleman might and wished her goodnight with a
sweet kiss to her cheek. Sakura held her crimson cheeks with both hands,
smiling after the ever-gallant Lee. If only he could have been her soulmate. It
would have made her life so much easier.
She went inside and didn’t see Kakashi watching them from the roof across the
street, his eye clouded with resignation.
XX
Kakashi and Sakura still trained together because there was no one else to spar
with her. Occasionally Hinata or Lee would leave their respective teams and
train with her when Kakashi was on a mission. She improved her taijutsu greatly
with their help. And the three bonded over feelings of inadequacy: Lee’s
constant drive to beat Neji despite his lack of ninjutsu or genjutsu, Hinata’s
fears that she was a failure, and Sakura’s own insecurity when she compared
herself to Naruto or Sasuke.
Kakashi returned home from a mission and caught Sakura’s scent, as well as that
of Lee and Hinata. He bristled at the thought that they were on another date,
though why Hinata was with them was a little confusing. He tracked them to the
training grounds and watched with silent interest the three that were currently
sprawled on the grass at the edge of the open field.
“Come on Sakura, I have no idea who my soulmate is but it’s not Naruto!” Lee’s
loud voice carried across the space easily as he protested Sakura’s teasing
indignantly.
“Who else loves ramen that much? No one!” Sakura laughed at Lee’s scowl. “Oh
Lee, you know I’m only teasing. We already know that Naruto’s soulmate is
Hinata.”
Kakashi watched with sharp eyes as Hinata’s face flooded with colour when the
suggestion was made. “Sakura, we don’t know that! Stop spreading rumors! If
Naruto hears…” The Hyuga heiress turned to her stomach and hid her face in her
arms, possibly dying of embarrassment.
“Well maybe Naruto should hear!” Sakura said hotly. “You’ve loved him for years
and he’s still completely oblivious. That idiot.” The last was said with a
deep-rooted affection.
“Hinata has already experienced the youthful fulfillment of love?” Lee asked
excitedly. “We must shout this from the treetops in celebration!” He jumped to
his feet, ready to climb the largest tree to do just what he suggested.
“No Lee-san!” Hinata pleaded. “We do not know that Naruto and I share the same
soulmark. It’s just a suspicion on the part of Sakura because of the way that I
feel.”
“I see,” Lee sat down heavily with a frown on his face. “Wait, I do not quite
see. How is Sakura to make some assumption unless she feels the same?” Kakashi
watched tensely as Hinata sat up, her wide eyes pleading for Sakura’s
forgiveness as Lee clued in. “You are in love Sakura?” Lee asked with wonder.
“No,” Sakura was quick to reject the assumption and Kakashi felt his heart
clench in grief. “I can’t be. He’s lazy and rude and he’s always late to
everything.” Her voice cracked. “And he’s always, alwayscared about Naruto and
Sasuke more than me. How can I love someone that makes me feel invisible most
days?”
“Oh Sakura!” Hinata tugged her close, stroking Sakura’s pink hair in comfort as
she cried silently, and Lee looked at the two of them as if he’d been smacked
in the face with a wok.
“It’s not fair, Hinata.” Sakura lamented. “I just want to forget him!”
“You’re in love with Kakashi-sensei?”
“Shut up Lee!” Both girls’ voices yelled out at the same time, and Kakashi took
that moment of distraction to slip away. Hinata’s took in his departure above
Sakura’s shoulder and she frowned.
XX
Kakashi wandered to the cenotaph as he always did when his thoughts were
weighing him down.  He said his customary greetings to Obito and Rin, and to
Minato and Kushina before he dropped to his knees heavily. What was he doing?
He should have done the right thing from the start and had Sakura transferred
off his team. Clearly his decision was only tormenting them both. Sakura was
too young to sound so heartbroken and he was to blame.
How could he make this better? They were too close, and he’d failed in his
attempts to drive her away.
“What should I do Rin? You were always more level-headed than Obito or me.” He
traced her name, slowly fading from the same gesture repeated over and over. “I
miss you more than you could ever know. Why couldn’t you have been my soulmate?
Then it could have saved Obito and you the heartache. It would have been
easier.” And maybe he wouldn’t feel so alone. Would he have been able to save
her if she’d been his?
He sighed, knowing that having Rin as his soulmate would have changed nothing.
Obito would have still loved her to his death, and she would never have
reciprocated his feelings in the end. Obito would have died alone, when the
presence of Rin had been there in the end to soothe him. And Rin would have
grown to resent him, no matter if they were soulmates. He wouldn’t have been
able to accept her. It had taken years before he’d let go of his anger. She
would have died just as alone Obito then, and Kakashi would never have
understood the happiness that his parents experienced.
He didn’t think that he would ever know that kind of joy. Too see Sakura happy,
to see her smile was the happiest he’d ever found himself. But he resisted the
urge to immerse himself in her light and told himself that he didn’t deserve
it. Not now, not ever.  
“Who is Rin?” Sakura’s voice startled him.
He rose to his feet, dusting his knees off before looking at her. Sakura’s eyes
were still swollen from the tears she’d cried, her cheeks red and splotchy. In
short, she looked terrible but no less beautiful.
“She loved me.” Kakashi lied easily, “And I was forced to kill her when we were
younger than you are now.”
Sakura flinched at his matter-of-fact tone. “And did you love her?”
No, I couldn’t. Not when I was waiting for you.“I could have. I wish I had.”
Kakashi watched the words completely crush her.
Sakura’s hands gripped the front of her shirt and she collapsed to the ground.
“Why?” Not why could you love her, but why couldn’t he love Sakura? Why didn’t
he want his own soulmate who was right in front of his eyes? Instead he mourned
a girl that had been dead longer than Sakura had been alive. He didn’t want
her. “Why, Kakashi?”
“Because Sakura.” You’re too young, too pure. Because you deserve better than
me. He meant to tell her that she was as worthless as she feared, but he
couldn’t. He understood now what his mother had been trying to tell him.A
soulmate is the person that loves you most.And he couldn’t hurt the person that
loved him most. Not anymore.
He approached her, and she stared at him with wide green eyes. His gloved hand
reached for hers, and she gave it to him hesitantly. He pulled her to her feet,
his hands running up her arms, sliding against her neck and cupping her face.
“Sakura, what have I done to you?”
“Nothing!” Sakura cried. “You’ve done nothing but stare at me like I mean
something but contradict yourself with words and actions. You never touch me,
except that one time. That one time where the feel of your fingers in my hair
haunted me for months. You never talk to me, not unless you have to. Its as if
from that first moment, you were speechless, and you could never find the
words. But I need them, Kakashi. I need you.”
Kakashi pulled off his headband, resting his forehead against Sakura’s, their
skin making contact for the first time. It felt like electricity coursed
through his veins and he swore he could hear the sound of the chidori ringing
in his ears, a thousand birds humming along with the feel of Sakura’s skin
pressed against his.
“I’ll make it better, Sakura. I promise.” He slipped his gloves off, cupping
her face once again and forcing her eyes to his.
“Kakashi?” Sakura’s voice sounded far away, blissed out from the feeling that
coursed through her. It was just as she thought. He was her home. How could he
deny them this? Her eyes caught on the spinning tomoes of his Sharingan and she
couldn’t look away.
“It’s okay,” Kakashi comforted her as she tensed. “I’ll make it better,” he
promised. I just want to forget him!Don’t worry Sakura, you will.
A genjutsu this intricate involved an element of danger. But he believed that
he could help her, and he would rather cut off his own limbs before he hurt her
again. Kakashi understood where he’d gone so very wrong. Sakura needed
acceptance, as he’d once looked for from his own sensei and from his father.
He’d never been able to give her that and he was wrong. He wove a tapestry of
memories to cover the ones that she had.
“I’m sorry, se-sensei! I tried to stop him!” He would smile just for her, eye
creasing in forgiveness.  
“My name is Sakura Haruno! I like, who I like…my hobbies include…my future
dream is…” All with bashful glances at her raven-haired teammate. Sasuke Uchiha
had once meant everything to her and focusing her attention onto him was a
perfect substitute for her sensei.
Every time he ruffled the boy’s hairs, Sakura was included. And he could
imagine her annoyance at her stupid sensei. “I’m not a child, Kakashi-sensei!”
“Kakashi?” And he told her as he had before. She was just as good as those
genin. And he ruffled her hair as he always had. This time, he wouldn’t tuck
her hair behind her ear. Too personal for a careless sensei.
They went for dinner at least once a month, just him and Sakura because his
time with Naruto was precious and Sasuke had always refused to join them.
“What’s your favorite food, sensei?”
“Miso soup and eggplant.”
“I should have guessed sensei. Do you want to try some of my dumplings?” At his
shudder, she laughed. “Too sweet? No wonder why you’re so cranky.”
“You’re in love with Sasuke?” Lee shouted, just as oblivious.
“No,” Sakura asserted. “How could I love him? He always thought I was useless,
and he left me behind without a backward glance.”  
And the last. She would never cry tears over him again. “Who is Rin, sensei?”
“My soulmate, Sakura. She died when I was younger than you are.”
“I’m sorry, sensei. I shouldn’t have intruded.”
“Maa, that’s fine Sakura.” He offered his typical smile that warned her not to
ask any more questions. “Now, is my favorite student going to take me out for
dinner?”
“Of course, sensei!” He’d ordered salt broiled saury and walked her home
afterwards.
It was hard to change so much. Sweat dripped down his forehead, as he focused
on the memories that seemed to affect her most, replacing them with what he’d
wished had happened so Sakura could have a happy life. Manipulation of memories
was difficult, the hardest genjutsu he’d ever attempted and impossible without
his Sharingan. He could not change her emotions, but he could manipulate how
she remembered them. Sakura’s eyes had lost focus, under the trance of his
Sharingan. After he’d completed the genjutsu, he lowered Sakura carefully to
the ground. She’d fallen unconscious as soon as he’d released the genjutsu.
And he honestly felt like he could sleep for a century. He wiped the blood from
his eye and replaced his headband over his overworked Sharingan.
“Ahh, Hinata, I’m glad you’re here. And Lee! How fortuitous.”
The two in question stared at him with fearful eyes. “Kakashi-sensei, what did
you do to Sakura?” Hinata asked bravely, moving towards Sakura’s prone body.
“What was it she asked for Hinata?” he asked her tiredly.
“You can’t erase memories, even with the Sharingan!” Hinata immediately used
her Byakugan to investigate Sakura’s chakra network. Everything seemed to
function normally, but with a look at Kakashi she gasped. He was on the verge
of chakra exhaustion. It was a wonder he was still conscious.
“No,” Kakashi agreed. “I can’t erase them, but I can manipulate them. When she
wakes up, she might seem different, but I didn’t change anything important.
Just how she feels about me.” As Hinata looked ready to protest, Kakashi raised
his hand. “I can’t change that she’s my soulmate, but I can shift her focus.
Hinata, this is for the best.” He sighed in exhaustion, his head beginning to
ache. “I never said that I was rejecting her completely, but our relationship
isn’t possible right now. Do you want her to keep hurting? I can’t reject her
again, Hinata. I can’t.” He tried to impress on her the truth of his statement.
Hurting her was only hurting himself, and neither of them deserved it.
“It’s not fair!” Hinata cried.
“No, it’s not.” Kakashi agreed. “But she’ll get older, and maybe one day this
won’t be wrong. Until then, she can’t remember any of this. If she seems
confused about anything, convince her. If she remembers something differently,
support her. Do you understand Hinata? Lee?”
“Sensei, are you sure this is the wisest decision? I don’t know quite how the
Sharingan functions, but it seems like a dangerous course of action.” Lee
cautioned.
“It’s done,” Kakashi said firmly. “And I can’t change it.” He got to his feel
slowly, fingers rubbing his throbbing temple. “No one can know.” He stared them
both in the eyes hard, tempted to coerce them with the Sharingan, but his head
was throbbing, and he no longer had enough chakra.
Hinata and Lee both nodded their heads once in agreement with solemn
expressions.
“Please make sure that Sakura makes it home,” Kakashi requested of them.
Lee picked up Sakura cautiously, and pulled her close to his chest. “I will
make sure of it.” He turned and walked away, careful not to jostle her.
Hinata moved to follow Lee but turned back to Kakashi. “Kakashi-sensei, will
you be alright?”
Kakashi smiled at her concern. “As long as she’s happy, I could never be sad.”
Hinata blinked back tears and left him standing by the cenotaph. She couldn’t
help but think that he looked lonely standing there with one had braced against
the cenotaph. She hoped that he would forgive himself.
Chapter End Notes
     The end notes on the last chapter were supposed to be here. My bad.
     Ino, Tenten, Genma, Lee, and Hinata. Any guesses on their soulmates,
     based on their marks? I admit I made some of them way too easy. This
     is primarily a Kakasaku story, but I'd like to see them get their
     happy endings too. Maybe, I'll write a separate story for them. Who
     knows?
     Feel free to let me know how you felt about my egregious abuse of
     canon.
***** Part Three: During the Time-skip Continued *****
Chapter Notes
     How did this get so long?? It was supposed to be a simple one-shot!!!
     Here is Chapter 3 of hopefully 4, maybe 5. It's a short update as I
     didn't want to add anything after the time-skip. This chapter focuses
     completely on Kakashi and Sakura.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Sakura felt she had learned all she could from her sensei. Kakashi was as
enigmatic as ever, and despite their comfortable rapport, their professional
relationship had stagnated a bit. He couldn’t teach her the things he’d taught
Naruto or Sasuke, because her chakra levels weren’t high enough, and she didn’t
have a Sharingan. Sakura still held the fear that she would be left behind, now
more than ever. Once Naruto returned she had no doubt that his abilities would
have improved greatly. Where did that leave her? She would only be a liability
to her sensei and friend and she hated the thought of bringing them down or
endangering them.
Tsunade was Hokage now, but she was also one of the legendary Sannin and her
abilities were feared and respected in equal measure. Sakura had become
somewhat of a secretary and errand-runner in Naruto’s absence, always eager to
hear news of her friend or of Sasuke. Tsunade seemed to like her, and asked her
probing questions, mostly about her chakra control and dedication as a shinobi.
Sakura was certain that if she asked, Tsunade would be willing to become her
Shishou. But first she had to let Kakashi know. She was certain he wouldn’t
mind.
She found him kneeling in front of the cenotaph. Once he’d revealed that his
own soulmate had died in his youth, she didn't feel it was right to probe too
deeply into his past with questions she was sure he wouldn’t answer. Despite
her hesitance, she was still curious to unravel the mystery that was Kakashi
Hatake. She thought of Team 7’s bet on what Kakashi looked like under the mask.
It would be nice to be first at something, but really it was because she felt
affection for her sensei and considered him a friend. She sometimes wondered
what he viewed her as. An annoying student perhaps? Or a worthy comrade? More
than likely he viewed her as she’d first viewed him, a necessary companion with
the absence of Naruto and Sasuke. Their weekly dinners often progressed in
comfortable silence, or Sakura would ramble on about her days as messenger for
the Hokage. He never revealed much about himself and she didn’t probe.
Kakashi was rubbing the name of Rin Nohara, speaking softly to himself, or
maybe to his dead soulmate. Sakura felt a wave of pity and sadness overwhelm
her as she stared at her sensei. He seemed so lonely and sad when she found him
here, his shoulders hunched as if the weight of the world sat upon them. She
gave him a moment to say goodbye before speaking.  He always knew it was her
that disturbed his solitude and his words quieted as she approached. Sakura was
grateful that he never seemed angry or annoyed when she intruded. She felt
almost welcome in these moments, and special to see this side of her sensei.
Naruto and Sasuke had never known him like this, tired and defeated and weighed
down with grief.
“Goodbye Rin, Obito. Rest easy Minato and Kushina. Forgive me, mother and
father.” He said his goodbyes and stood, brushing his knees off.
“I’m sorry to intrude sensei.” Sakura said quietly. It was true in a way, but
she also enjoyed these moments when he was melancholic. He seemed so very real
to her, the mask doing little to hide how he felt. She should feel guilty, but
he never protested and never asked her to stay away.
“You could never intrude,” Kakashi offered with a weary smile. His eyes
betrayed his sorrow, and Sakura returned his smile with a warm one of her own.
“Feel free to bother your sensei anytime.”
Despite his mournful air, Sakura believed that he meant what he said, and her
warm smile slipped off of her face. How was she to tell him that she wanted to
disband Team 7 when they were all they had? How could she leave him? She chewed
on her bottom lip indecisively.
Kakashi read her indecision and resolved her conflict. “I mean it Sakura. You
can come to me whenever you need, but I do have some news. Tsunade has
requested that I return to solo Jounin-class missions.”
“But we’re a team,” Sakura protested weakly on principle.
Kakashi ruffled her hair. “It was a hard decision, but there is very little I
can teach you. Your chakra control is near-perfect. I’m sure Tsunade herself
would be a better sensei to you right now Sakura.”
“You’remy sensei,” Sakura said stubbornly.
Kakashi eyed her thoughtfully. “Not anymore Sakura. It’s time for you to pursue
your own goals and reach your potential. I can’t help you with that.” At her
fallen expression, he reassured her. “We will always be teammates. When Naruto
returns, we will still be Team 7.”
Her mood fell even further at the mention of Sasuke. “And do you think Sasuke
will ever come back?”
Kakashi sighed, his eye moving to somewhere above her head as he considered her
question. “You’re old enough to understand that we can’t have everything we
want. I want Sasuke to return, and I want us to be a team again.” Tears pooled
in Sakura’s eyes, and Kakashi tilted her chin up to look at him. “I promise
you, Sakura. I will do everything in my power to make sure he returns home to
you. Do you understand?” At Sakura’s nod, his eye creased in a smile. “I want
you to be happy, Sakura. Can you promise me that in return? To never be sad for
too long, to always smile even when it hurts?”
Sakura nodded, even if it felt like he was asking too much. How could she be
happy all the time? “I promise,” she said solemnly.
“Good,” Kakashi said, his hand falling to his side. And she could tell that
she’d eased his mind and it soothed her. “Now is my favorite student going to
take me out for dinner?”
“Of course, sensei!” she said brightly.
Kakashi smiled and turned away, figure slouching and hands finding his pockets
as he walked towards Konoha’s center. An image flickered in Sakura’s mind,
halting her as she made to follow him.
“I’ll make it better, Sakura. I promise.” He slipped his gloves off, cupping
her face once again and forcing her eyes to his. And oh, the way she felt when
his fingers touched her so softly. Alive, she’d never felt so alive.
“Sakura, are you coming?” Kakashi asked her curiously.
“Oh! Yes!” Sakura rushed after him, face reddening in embarrassment. Had she
just hallucinated about Kakashi-sensei? How weird!
XX
Her interest in becoming Tsunade’s apprentice was well-timed. He felt his
resolve wavering as he spent more time with Sakura. Her implanted memories
seemed to be holding. Hinata and Lee reported no personality changes, excluding
her returned obsession with Sasuke Uchiha which had raised no major flags.
Sakura was easier in his presence and tolerated his hair ruffles with rolled
eyes. He made sure to act as he did with Naruto or Sasuke, always distant and
lazy, skipping out on the bill when they went for dinner, though it pained his
instincts not to take care of her in something as small as this. It was only
when she sought him out at the cenotaph that he let her see how much he held
in.
Kakashi hated lying about Rin. It felt like he was dishonoring two of his
dearest friends, but Sakura could not suspect. He asked for their forgiveness
every time he went to the cenotaph, explaining his logic to reinforce his
belief that he was saving Sakura heartache. Sasuke was yet unreachable and to
pin her hopes on him might be cruel but it gave him a sense of security that
Sakura was not lost to him completely. Kakashi was also convinced that Sasuke
had not been as indifferent to Sakura as he’d let on, and perhaps there was
something there that could be salvaged. He was certain that once Sakura
discovered his deception and manipulation, she would never forgive him. He’d
already done irreparable damage to their relationship and it was only a matter
of time before she caught on, or Sasuke returned and confused the situation.
He’d made the promise of bringing Sasuke home with honest conviction. If that
was who would make her happy, Kakashi could only step aside while his heart
bled. He only ever wanted her to be happy, and it took him too long to realize
it.
Sakura made her request of Tsunade and he was called to a meeting with the
Hokage the following day.
“Sakura has requested that I teach her, and I’ve accepted.” Tsunade told him
with a grave expression.
“As you wish, Hokage-sama.” Kakashi bowed his head in acceptance. “I’m to
return to solo missions, then?”
“Hmm, the funny thing about that, Sakura was under the impression that I’ve
already assigned you to them. I wonder where she got that impression?”
“Hokage-sama, I only meant to ease her guilt. I could see what she wanted, and
she is my favorite student.” He offered an eye-crease and she scowled in
return.
“Do you think I’m an idiot, brat?” Tsunade demanded.
“Never, Hokage-sama.” Kakashi swallowed hard. Did she suspect?
“By all reports, Sakura was your least favorite student. You’ve neglected her
training in favor of those two boys. It’s not unexpected, being as emotionally
stunted as you are not to see her potential but to suddenly change in so short
a time is suspect.” She eyed him severely. “What are you up to, Kakashi?”
He sighed in defeat. “It’s true, I’ve neglected Sakura. It’s only in the time
that Naruto and Sasuke have been gone that I’ve seen how much. I’ve come to
realize that I’m not the right person to teach her. I only want what’s best for
Sakura, Hokage-sama,” he said in absolute truth.
Tsunade studied him carefully and huffed in annoyance. “I believe you, but
you’re not telling me everything Hatake.” She stared him down, but Kakashi did
not flinch. “I’ve got a mission scroll for you. S-class, solo.”
Kakashi took it and bowed his head. “Oh, and Kakashi?” His eyebrow raised in
query. “This isn’t the end of it.” He nodded once and escaped out of the
window.
That was close.Kakashi was used to moving through life largely unnoticed. The
Third had held a certain fondness for him and let him do as he pleased. He
wasn’t used to scrutiny but Tsunade looked to upset the status quo, starting
with Sakura. He was okay with Tsunade changing things if it was for the better.
The Third was not without his faults, and each Hokage had always looked to
improve the village. He just preferred her attention away from him, and his
relationship from Sakura. He didn’t need what he’d done to Sakura’s memories to
be discovered. What he’d done was illegal and would earn him jail time if he
didn’t choose to become one of the missing-nin as Itachi had chosen. If it did
become known to Sakura and she chose to report him, he would accept his fate
and the censure of the village without question. He would deal with the
disgrace unlike his father. It was lucky that he’d never chosen to enter a
long-term relationship or have children. His legacy of shame would end with him
alone.
The mission was semi long-term and would require him to leave the village for
at least a couple months. It was a relief to spend time away from Sakura and
perhaps gain some perspective. He told her at their weekly dinner, interrupting
a story Sakura was telling him about Shizune and Tonton.
“Oh, long-term? How long will you be gone?” Sakura asked him with worry.
“At least a couple of months,” Kakashi said heavily.
“So long?” Sakura frowned. “S-class?” At his nod, she chewed her lip anxiously.
“Do you really have to go alone?”
“Yes, Sakura.” He offered her a smile. “You don’t need to worry. I’ve completed
missions like this dozens of times. I’ll be fine.” Not quite true but he
wouldn’t worry her needlessly. He had every intention of returning to her.
“I know,” Sakura said confidently. “It’s just that…I’ll miss our dinners.” I’ll
miss you.
“Even though I never pay?” Kakashi said with mock surprise. I wish I didn’t
have to leave.
“Even then,” Sakura assured him. I’ll pay for them all if you’re safe, sensei.
“I’ll be back before you know it. And when I come back, I’ll pay for dinner,
just this once.” Kakashi announced, trying to lighten the mood. Smile Sakura.
“I’ll hold you to it.” Sakura said with a subdued tone. He’ll come home, he
must.
“And maybe Naruto will return by then.” Kakashi said hopefully, relieved when
Sakura’s expression brightened considerably. He’ll make sure you’re happy. He
loves you almost as much as I do.
“You think so, sensei?” she asked hopefully. Naruto! And he’ll be all done his
training!
Kakashi nodded. “Despite his Academy records, he’s stubborn enough to
accomplish anything. I’m sure he’s training just as hard with Jiraiya as you
are with Tsunade. Team 7 will be back together before you know it.” Minus
Sasuke.
“Okay,” She refused to think about Sasuke right now. “And you have to buy
Naruto ramen too.”
Kakashi grimaced, remembering how empty his wallet was the last time he’d
offered to buy Naruto dinner. He scratched the back of his head in chagrin,
back-pedaling. “Maa, Sakura, don’t be too hasty now.”
Sakura pouted, “Please, sensei?”
When Sakura looked at him like that, Kakashi knew he was defeated. “Yes, but
you’re going to join us. I’ll pay for both of you then.”
Sakura’s pout turned into a grimace. “I guess that’s fair.”
After dinner, Kakashi looked at the sky and nodded. It was still early enough.
“Sakura, can I ask you a favor while I’m gone?”
“Of course!”
“I have a plant, Mr. Ukki. He doesn’t need to be watered very often, but he’ll
die if I leave him alone for two months.”
“You want me to take care of your plant?” Sakura said with surprise. Her? Why
didn’t he ask Gai-sensei or Asuma-sensei? Did he really trust her that much?
“Yes,” Kakashi said. “I’ll ensure your chakra can unlock my doors. We’ll have
to do it now, if you have time?”
“You want me to go into your house?” Sakura squeaked.
“Yes,” Kakashi confirmed. “Is that a problem?”
“No!” Sakura rushed to say. “It’s just, I’ve just never been in there!” Neither
had Naruto or Sasuke!
“Oh,” Kakashi murmured. “It’s just a typical apartment.”
It was in a neighborhood that Sakura was unfamiliar with, on the opposite side
of Konoha as her parent’s home. The apartment building looked a little rundown
to be honest, but she could tell that many shinobi lived there, from the number
of unfamiliar chakra signatures she felt around her. Kakashi lived on the top
floor, his door a dingy gray with the paint peeling. Kakashi directed her to
expel some of her chakra on the door so he could add her signature to his
locks. He had her try to open his door and nodded in satisfaction when his door
unlocked easily.
He opened his door and ushered her inside. Kakashi watched her take in his
apartment with interest. He looked around and frowned at what he saw. He hadn’t
updated the apartment in years, feeling no need to. The few friends he invited
in were usually only there to ensure he was coming out for the night and stayed
only long enough to drag him out of the house. He’d never invited a woman to
his apartment. It was his sanctuary, and the few flings he’d had were always at
their homes. Only Genma and Gai had spent much time there. Genma lived in the
same apartment complex and infrequently used his home as a hideout when his
latest conquest overstayed her welcome. That had happened less and less as time
went on and Kakashi couldn’t remember the last time he'd woken up with Genma
sleeping on his couch. Gai stopped by often to challenge him to another battle
in their longstanding rivalry and occasionally insisted on making Kakashi
healthy food to ensure that he lived a long youthful life. Neither Genma or Gai
cared what his home looked like. But Kakashi realized that it could use an
update.
The couch was old, sagging but very comfortable. His television was just as
old, and he wasn’t certain if it was still working. His coffee table had been
rescued years before when Genma bought himself a new one. The wood was scarred
and covered in stains, but it was sturdy and had always served him well. His
apartment was open concept and the kitchen was separated only by an island that
acted as a half wall, with a few rickety barstools lined up underneath it. His
kitchen wasn’t anything to impress, the walls and countertops bare, nothing
adorning his fridge.
“It looks very…nice.” Sakura commented weakly.
“I’m rarely home,” Kakashi said as way of explanation, a little embarrassed.
“Mr. Ukki is through here.”
He led the way to the back of his apartment and to a small hallway. Three of
the four doors were open, revealing his bathroom, a second room he used as
storage and his bedroom. It was here that he kept most of his belongings and it
was spacious and bright compared to the rest of the apartment. His bed was
pushed against one wall, a worn desk pushed against the other. Papers were
spread over the surface and Kakashi hurried to gather them up and stack them
neatly.
“Mission reports.” He told her. “Overdue ones.”
Sakura giggled and looked around curiously at his room. His bed was made, which
surprised Sakura. Despite him being an elite Jounin, she’d always imagined that
he’d be a little messy. It made sense that he was neat though. It took a lot of
self-discipline to get where he was. She smiled brightly when she saw the
picture that sat on his bedside table. It was the first picture they’d taken as
Team 7, with Naruto’s scowl, Sasuke’s grimace, and both of their smiles. She’d
been so happy in that picture, but as Sakura thought about it, she couldn’t
really remember why. Wasn’t it because she’d been on a team with Sasuke?
Another picture caught her attention and she approached Kakashi’s desk with
wide eyes. It was his team when he was young. Minato Namikaze, the Fourth
Hokage and his former sensei. There was a boy that she didn’t recognize but
Naruto had told her all about Obito Uchiha, a relative of Sasuke’s who’d died
years ago. And there she was, Rin Nohara, Kakashi’s soulmate. She felt a jolt
of possession as she looked at the girl that Kakashi had loved. She brushed the
feeling away and studied her.
She was pretty, but not as beautiful as Kurenai-sensei. The purple marks
adorning her cheeks must be a clan marking like Kiba’s was. Rin’s brown hair
was shorter than her own, her dark eyes a shade lighter than Kakashi’s. Sakura
wondered idly if Kakashi preferred girls with short hair. The girl looked so
happy in comparison to Kakashi and Obito. It reflected Team 7’s picture and she
wondered how else their teams were similar? Was Kakashi more like Naruto or
Sasuke? She couldn’t imagine Kakashi as loud and brash as Naruto and the
expression he wore was like Sasuke’s. She could just imagine Rin falling for
Kakashi the same way she’d fallen for Sasuke. He looked the type to be cool and
mysterious. Actually, he’d maintained that mysterious air with the mask. Sakura
often saw women pointing at him while giggling among themselves. Kakashi
Hatake, heartbreaker was what they whispered. The title bugged her a little.
Surely, he’d remained loyal to his soulmate? But they’d been so young when
she’d died. Kakashi wasn’t a virgin, was he? Her face flooded with color at the
thought, but she couldn’t resist the urge to ask.
“Hey, sensei?”
“Yes, Sakura?” Kakashi asked idly, as he sorted through his mission reports.
Now was a good a time as any to hand them in. Tsunade would hate if he didn’t
finish them before he left.
“Are you dating anyone?”
He looked over sharply at Sakura, whose cheeks were red, her expression self-
conscious. “No,” he said shortly, expecting the conversation to be over.
“But why?” Sakura persisted despite her embarrassment. “I’m sure Rin would want
you to be happy.”
Kakashi sighed, rubbing his face. It was as if Sakura couldn’t help herself. He
was worried that he hadn’t suppressed enough of her memories. Had she convinced
herself she had a crush on him? Was he doomed to repeat the same mistakes? “I
never said I haven’t had relationships Sakura. I don’t need to be in a
relationship to be happy, or to feel complete. You need to understand that,”
Kakashi said pointedly.
Sakura scowled at the implication. “I’m happy without Sasuke! Who said I wasn’t
happy? I’m not all mopey like you are, going to the cenotaph every day and
rubbing her name like some lovesick puppy!” Sakura’s hands clapped over her own
mouth, her eyes widening in embarrassment.
Kakashi felt struck, the truth of her words stinging. A bitter laugh escaped
his lips as he realized that Sakura was right, hewas moping, more than usual
but it was because of Sakura and not Rin. He’d told Hinata that he could never
be sad, not while Sakura was happy. He needed to remember that her happiness
was more important than his own. Her happiness meant the world. As Sakura tried
to bolt, Kakashi reached out quickly and grasped her hand. He felt the familiar
jolt but ignored it as he pulled her towards him.
“Sakura.” His voice pleaded. “Look at me.”
Her eyes lifted to his and he could see how miserable and guilty she looked.
“I’m sorry Kakashi. I shouldn’t have said that. You can delete my signature
from the locks.”
“Sakura,” he said firmly. “I’m not angry at you. You’re not wrong,” he
admitted. He guided her to sit down at his desk and he walked to the window,
facing away from her as he spoke.
“My parents were soulmates and I’ve never seen anyone love each other more. My
mother used to sing me to sleep, but my memories of her are mostly lost. I just
remember that when she was alive, my father used to smile.”
“You don’t have to-” Sakura protested.
“It’s okay Sakura.” Kakashi paused as he gathered his thoughts. He’d never
spoken about his parents to anyone and it was hard to put years of suppressed
feelings into words. “When she died, a large part of my father died with her.
He only ever smiled for me after that, but it was hard for him to pretend that
her death hadn’t broken him. My father loved Konoha, and he cared for his
teammates as he cared for his family. There was a mission that was vital to
Konoha. During the mission he was faced a difficult choice. Finish the mission
or rescue his teammates. He failed the mission, and Konoha suffered for it.
Even his teammates scorned him for his choice." Sakura desperately wanted to
say something but she let Kakashi speak. "My father killed himself when I was
six years old. And whatever his reasoning, I’m sure that he was happy that he
would see my mother again.” There was a bitterness he couldn’t hide when he
spoke of his father’s death. Despite coming to terms with his choices during
the mission, Kakashi could not forgive his father for abandoning him. He
listened for Sakura's reaction, but heard only her shallow breathing so he
continued. “When I got my soulmark, I hated the sight of it. It was a reminder
of my father and I felt it was a weakness. I’d raised myself to believe that
connections were weak, that the mission was paramount. But Obito and Rin made
me see that abandoning a comrade was worse than what my father did. The mission
came second to keeping the ones you cared for safe.” He thought back to the
moment he saw Sakura for the first time, so very young and naïve. More than
he’d ever been, and all the better for it. “When I saw her for the first time,”
When I saw you Sakura. “the world stopped. And I knew right then and there she
was it. She was young and happy and her smile lit up her face.”
Sakura squeezed her fists closed, her body trembling. Her emotions were
jumbled, awe and grief and joy fighting for control at Kakashi’s story. It was
so very romantic the way he described his soulmate, but so very tragic to know
how it ended.
“And I knew too that she was too bright for me, and I could never deserve her.”
He coughed, his voice steadying. “Rin jumped in front of me when I was trying
to kill an enemy shinobi. She did it because they’d put something inside of her
meant to destroy Konoha. And she knew that I wouldn’t have been able to do. I
couldn’t stop myself, and she died in my arms.” No matter how many times he
thought of how he could have saved her, of how her death had been her choice,
he still couldn’t let go of his guilt. He’d promised Obito, and he’d failed in
that promise.
He quieted, hoping that whatever bond they’d formed didn’t betray him when he
spoke of her. He did not need to fake the grief he felt when describing Rin’s
death. It had been a dark period of his life, the whispers of Friend-killer
Kakashi following him for months. Both of his teammates had died, and he’d
taken one of their eyes and the other's life with his bare hands. He felt he
deserved the village’s scorn.
Sakura didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t expected this answer when she’d
asked Kakashi about his relationships. But hadn’t she wanted this answer?
Hadn’t she imagined what had happened? Did that make her a terrible person that
she was glad that he’d shared so much? He was her friend, and while she didn’t
know how he felt, she would do her best to comfort him.  She stood up from his
desk and walked to him. His hands were braced on his window, his head hanging
down. Sakura wrapped her arms around his waist and settled her cheek between
his shoulder blades. He stiffened briefly then relaxed into her touch.
“I’m sorry, Kakashi.” Nothing would change his past, but she hoped that in
telling it, he’d let some of it go.
Push her away, Kakashi commanded himself. But her arms wrapped around him
quieted every negative emotion. The sensation of her pressed against him was a
comfort he’d needed for so long and he let himself rest for just a moment. Soon
he would be gone, and it would be months before he saw her again. Soon, he
promised himself. He would pull away from her soon.
XX
Kakashi left for his mission early the next morning, with a sleeping Sakura on
his bed. He’d slept on the couch and had the best rest of his life. After
Sakura had let go of him, she’d stumbled over her words and been adorably
flustered. He’d shown her Mr. Ukki on his window sill and gave her instructions
on how to properly care for him. He’d led her to the kitchen and sat her on a
barstool as he made them a late snack. It was simple, but she’d professed it as
the greatest dish she’d ever eaten. The possessive part of him warmed at the
thought of taking care of his soulmate. After they ate, it was already late.
Sakura was sleepy and fell asleep on his couch. He cleaned up their dinner and
called her mother. He explained that Sakura had a difficult mission and was
already asleep. Kakashi had met Sakura’s mother only once, but the woman
assured him it was fine that she slept over at her sensei’s. Any inappropriate
thoughts he might have had were shut down by her mother’s faith in him.
He wrote a note for Sakura and left the village before the sun came up. It
would be six months before he saw her again.
 
 
 
Chapter End Notes
     This has turned into something a lot longer than I originally
     envisioned. The original story was a nice 10,000 words. Ugh, I'm not
     good with multi-chapter fics. Look for an update next weekend. Work
     kicks my ass during the week.
     EDIT: This story is likely to earn it's underage warning. It also
     includes self-harm in Chapter 4, though it has to do with training.
     The rating has been updated to reflect this.
***** Part 4: Time-skip continued... *****
Chapter Notes
     Hello! Here is a long-ass update. If you missed the previous end note
     edit, you may have noticed that the rating has changed. There are two
     reasons for that. There are mentions of self-harm in this chapter. It
     absolutely has to do with training but I felt obligated to put a
     warning. Also, as this story continues to grow into monstrous
     lengths, I realize that the underage warning is coming into play.
     Will they sleep together before Sakura's an adult? I have no idea but
     this chapter deserves the warning.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Sakura woke up the next morning and found Kakashi gone. He’d left a note that
made her smile. She folded it carefully and put it in her pocket. She’d place
it in her desk once she got home.
I’ll be home soon. Please take care of Mr. Ukki. Don’t go into my apartment if
                Genma is there. Good luck with your training.
                                   -Kakashi
Her training with Tsunade consumed all her time and attention. She spent time
with her friends when she could. Sometimes she noticed Ino or Tenten giving her
odd looks when she moped about Sasuke, but she shrugged them off. Maybe it was
stupid to like him after all this time, especially knowing that he wasn’t her
soulmate. They’d never really discussed each other’s soulmarks after the night
she finished painting Hinata’s toes. The memory seemed fuzzy and a little
unreal. She knew she was unhappy, and it had something to do with her soulmate.
She must have been more tired than she thought that night. She did puzzle over
what they could represent, or any clues the marks gave away. She was certain
that Hinata’s mark would match Naruto’s. The marks of Ino, Tenten and Lee were
a bit of a mystery though. She wondered if any of them matched Sasuke’s mark?
What would it mean for her if one of them did?
She sometimes thought of what Sasuke back in the village would look like. Would
they go back on missions as Team 7? Would he continue to ignore her or act as
her presence only annoyed him? Would he finally return the feelings she’d once
professed to Ino so many years before? Sakura was careful not to inspect her
own emotions too clearly. Her obsession with Sasuke shone bright in her
memories, feelings of devotion coloring every memory she held of him. But
sometimes the race of her heart, the catch of her breath felt false. Sometimes
she remembered the way Sasuke used to look at her and treat her and her
devotion felt hollow. When she slept at night in her childhood bedroom, looking
at the pictures she’d pasted on the walls of the academy, she often wondered
where she’d strayed.
She’d always known about her parents’ life as genin, completing the same D-rank
missions she’d been sent on herself. She knew that even if they were no longer
considered shinobi, that they had retained that expected discipline, that
dedication to the village and to the good of the people. It had shaped her
earliest aspirations, to hear her father speak of training, to see her parent’s
faded and worn Hitai-ates. Eventually she’d focused on following her parents’
path and surpassing them. To become a genin was not her goal, one day she would
be a Jounin and she would serve the village as faithfully as the Hokage whose
visages were carved in stone. Once Sasuke had entered her life that dream had
been derailed. He’d become her goal, to prove herself to a boy that didn’t know
she existed.
She was fifteen years old, and sometimes she felt like she was thirty when she
compared herself to the girl she’d been when entering the academy. She was
still young, and she understood that her parents still saw her as the bright
little girl that used to wear their Hitai-ates and played with their rubber
kunai. As her training intensified, she realized that her parents could no
longer understand her dream because they’d given up their own and shaped new
ones for themselves. They worried and fussed, and her mother’s eyes constantly
watched her with a fearful concern. They had no access to her mission files,
and she’d been instructed not to discuss many of missions she’d completed with
Team 7, especially the missions where she’d come home bruised and worn down.
Her secrecy had created a strained relationship with her parents. They could
not understand that some things even they were not entitled to know, and it
frustrated them.
The final straw came when Sakura’s mother walked in on Sakura practicing
medical ninjutsu on herself. Her control wasn’t quite perfect, and she wasn’t
able to completely heal a larger wound, but she was getting much better.
Tsunade had warned her about overextending herself and possible chakra
exhaustion, but Sakura pushed herself too far many times before she became
familiar with her limits. On this day, she’d been slicing open her palms with
her kunai and healing the wounds with careful concentration. She was thrilled
to see the improvement in her abilities and new scars and a few half-healed
cuts adorned her arms before she realized that she’d drained too much of her
chakra. The kunai had sat beside her open palm, Sakura dozing somewhere in the
state between wakefulness and sleep when her mother had come into her room and
cried out at the sight of her.
“It’s okay,” Sakura assured her with slurred words. “Jus chakra ex-exhaus-” she
yawned, too tired to lift her hand to cover her mouth.
“Kizashi! KIZASHI!!!” her mother cried out for her husband, frantic as she
knocked the kunai from Sakura’s reach. “What have you done, Sakura? What have
you done?”
“What is it, Mebuki?” her father called out, running into the room and stopping
at the sight of his wife cradling Sakura against her chest.
“She hurt herself, Kizashi.” She stroked Sakura’s hair. “I don’t understand. Is
this because of that Sasuke she started talking about again?”
Slowly energy came back to Sakura as her chakra levels stabilized. Luckily it
wasn’t a true chakra exhaustion or she would have had to go to the hospital and
face Tsunade’s anger at her reckless behavior. She pulled away from her mom,
glaring at the cuts she hadn’t been able to fully heal. “Mom, it’s fine. I’m
fine. I was just practicing some medical ninjutsu and exceeded my limit a
little.” Sakura stood on shaky feet and went to her dresser, looking for
something to wipe the blood from her arm and completely missing the stricken
expression on her mother’s face and her father’s heavy scowl.
When Sakura turned around she took in her parents’ expression with confusion.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“What the hell is Tsunade teaching you?” her father thundered, his face turning
bright with rage.
“Dad!” Sakura stared at him with horror. “Shishou is the Hokage! You can’t talk
about her like that.”
“I don’t care if she gave birth to humanity!” her father seethed. “She’s making
you hurt yourself, Sakura. What kind of training is that?”
Sakura looked at her mother who was crying silently, at her father’s clenched
fists and finally, at the kunai she’d been using to cut her arm with. She
swallowed hard with the realization of what her mother must have thought. She
itched at her still-healing cuts and sighed. “I’m sorry,” she started with. “I
didn’t realize what it looked like.”
I’m sorry? her mother mouthed, still dismayed by what she’d unknowingly walked
into.
“Shishou is teaching to use my exceptional chakra control for medical
ninjutsu,” Sakura stated proudly. “When Naruto and Sasuke come back I can heal
them if they’re seriously injured. Maybe Shishou will even let me go on
dangerous missions with Kakashi-sensei when he returns!” She frowned as her
parents’ moods seemed to worsen at the news, her mother’s closed fist pressing
painfully into her mouth to stifle her sobs.
“Mom? Dad? What’s wrong? Didn’t you hear me? I’m getting better at ninjutsu and
Hinata and Lee are still practicing taijutsu with me regularly. I could
probably pass the chunin exams easily now.” Sakura boasted, trying to cheer her
parents up. “I’ll be ready for S-class missions soon.”
“S-class missions?” her mother repeated with a fearful look at her husband.
Sakura stared at her mother with growing concern and looked to her father for
some clarification.
“Sakura,” her father sighed and moved to hold his wife’s hand. “We are very
proud of you. We never imagined that you would become a student of the Hokage,
no less.” He squeezed his wife’s hand in support as she nodded her head in
agreement with her husband’s words. “But you’re our daughter.” At Sakura’s
ignorant expression, he tried to explain. “When you have children, you’ll
understand. We love you more than anything in the world and it scares us both
to see you injured. No matter how proud of you we are, we never want to see you
suffering.”
“I see,” Sakura whispered. And she did. How could she be so oblivious to her
parents’ concern? She remembered half a dozen occasions where her recitation of
Team 7’s exploits had caused her parents to look at each other with
apprehension. And she hadn’t even told them of times where she or Naruto or
Sasuke had almost died. She was torturing her parents without meaning to. They
had just enough knowledge of shinobi life to understand that one day Sakura
might not come home. “I’m sorry mom and dad. I didn’t even think.” She healed
her remaining cuts and moved to hug her mother. “I’m always very careful,” she
promised. “And Kakashi-sensei protects me. Naruto too. They’re always
protecting me, and I want to be able to protect them in return. I can’t promise
that I won’t be hurt,” she announced heavily. “but I will always be careful.”
Her mother clutched Sakura to her, wishing that Sakura was still young so she
could protect her as a parent should. Wishing that she hadn’t let her husband
encourage Sakura’s ambition to become a shinobi no matter how worthy it was.
“That’s all we can ask.” Her father said. “And please, practice your medical
ninjutsu on someone else.”
Sakura agreed and spent more time at Kakashi’s apartment. She felt a little
guilty for invading his space, but she also hoped that one day he would return
while she was watering Mr. Ukki and see how well she’d taken care of his home.
She’d cleaned it from top to bottom, careful not to disturb anything personal
and never snooping, no matter how curious she was. Under her care, Mr. Ukki had
grown too large for his current pot and she’d clipped some of his branches and
successfully transplanted them to other pots, thus growing Mr. Ukki a little
family. The experience with her parents had troubled her greatly and she no
longer cut herself to practice healing. Instead, she requested that anyone from
the other teams come to find her when they were injured, so she could practice.
It grew out of hand right away and her parents were wary of wounded shinobi
coming into their home at all hours of the night and day so Sakura could train.
But she would not let them invade Kakashi’s sanctuary and she couldn’t hang
around the training grounds all day in hopes of having a patient.
A few weeks after the incident with her parents, Sakura moved to her own
apartment. With help from her parents and the small income she’d begun to earn
from small D-class missions and helping Tsunade, she was barely able to afford
a small one-room apartment close to Kakashi’s. Her parents had resisted when
she’d first proposed the idea, but after a long talk they acquiesced. She truly
believed it was the best option, though it hurt to see her mother crying when
she picked up the last of her belongings. Her apartment was much like
Kakashi’s, sparsely furnished with old worn furniture. She’d been saving her
earnings from her academy days and bought what she could afford without
emptying her savings. She couldn’t wait until Naruto and Kakashi returned so
she could show them her new home.
The first two months after Kakashi left passed very quickly and she rarely had
a free second to worry about his absence. When the first half of the third
month had passed, Sakura began to visit his apartment more often in hopes that
he returned when she was there. By the fourth month she was often distracted by
thoughts of why he was taking so long. When the fifth month passed, Sakura was
actively asking Tsunade for weekly or daily updates on his condition. His
mission was imperative Tsunade insisted and he couldn’t make contact often or
his cover would be blown. His last update had assured Tsunade of his safety,
but it was taking longer than usual to get the information he needed, and he
likely wouldn’t be in touch until he handed her his mission report. That was
sometime near the end of the fourth month and it was driving Sakura mad not to
know what was happening.
“Sakura! You’re driving me crazy!” Tsunade moaned, angrily throwing her bottle
of sake at the wall in frustration. “Kakashi will come home when his mission is
complete and not a second sooner!”
“But Shishou-”
“No!” Tsunade growled. “Enough about the brat! If anything were to go wrong,
Pakkun will be the first to inform me that his blood contract with Kakashi was
voided by his death.”
“His death?” Sakura whimpered.
Tsunade’s expression softened. “Sakura, he won’t die. He’s too lucky to die.
I’ve never seen someone so determined to die and surviving through the worst
situations despite himself.”
Sakura bit her lip, not reassured by the backhanded observation. “Like the time
with Rin?”
Tsunade tried to focus past her rising hangover and stared at Sakura in
confusion. “Rin Nohara? That’s a name I haven’t heard in years. How do you know
that name?” In truth, Tsunade didn’t know Rin Nohara personally. But the Third
had a special fondness for Kakashi, as he had for Naruto and he’d kept a file
on him for the next Hokage. Tsunade had skimmed through it simply because
Kakashi was the previous sensei of Sakura and she was curious about the man
that had failed her so spectacularly. She’d read of his heartbreaking past and
felt sympathetic but many of his generation’s shinobi had lived through
tragedy. Rin Nohara had been his teammate that he’d been forced to kill to
prevent another attack of a tailed beast. Though it was noted that Rin had
become unstable with the death of her soulmate, his other teammate Obito whose
eye Rin had transplanted to replace Kakashi’s own.
“Kakashi told me about his soulmate.” Sakura said guiltily. “I wasn’t supposed
to tell anyone.”
“His soulmate?” Tsunade tried to focus and remember the finer details of his
report. Kakashi had been given annual physicals until he’d retired from Anbu.
He’d never manifested a soulmark, from what she remembered, one of the many
from his generation who hadn’t. It pained Tsunade to remember her own soulmate,
Dan and assumed as many had that those without soulmarks had lost them before
puberty. Too many shinobi children had died in the pursuit of peace, including
her own dear brother Nawaki. He was never given the opportunity to reach
puberty, and yet he’d been considered old enough to fight and die for Konoha.
“Kakashi Hatake has never manifested a soulmark,” Tsunade announced, watching
Sakura closely. “Rin Nohara was the soulmate of his teammate Obito Uchiha.”
Sakura frowned. “That can’t be true,” she insisted. “He told me she was his
soulmate.” She remembered the expression on his face when he’d told her. When
she focused on the memory, a sharp pain formed in her head.
“She loved me.”
“And did you love her?”
“I could have. I wish I had.”
“Or did he?” Sakura wondered aloud with confusion, clutching her aching head.
Tsunade watched Sakura with growing concern as her face drained of color and
her eyes glazed over, fingers pressed into her temples. “Sakura, what’s
happening?”
Sakura shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t feel well.”
Tsunade got up and went to Sakura, gently pushing her hands aside and placing
her own on Sakura’s head to investigate if she had an injury. She aimed healing
chakra at Sakura’s temples and heard Sakura sigh in relief. A closer
investigation revealed nothing wrong with Sakura, though her sudden confusion
and pain made Tsunade highly suspicious.
“What were you saying about Kakashi?” Tsunade commanded gently.
Sakura shook her head, still a little dazed and confused. “When is Kakashi
coming home? I miss him.” She yawned, suddenly tired and ready for a nap.
Tsunade stared sharply at Sakura with the drop of the honorific and Sakura’s
pleading tone. “He’ll be home soon, Sakura. How does that make you feel?” she
persuaded carefully, a little guilty to take advantage of Sakura’s mental
incapacitation.
“Happy,” Sakura murmured dreamily. “He makes me happy.”
“Why, Kakashi?” Why didn’t he want his own soulmate who was right in front of
his eyes?
Sakura frowned. “No, he doesn’t want me.” She started to tremble as her
memories warred with each other. He rejected her. Why did matter? Why did it
matter if he did reject her? She wasn’t his soulmate.
“I’ll make it better, Sakura. I promise.” He slipped his gloves off, cupping
her face once again and forcing her eyes to his.
And it was made clear to Sakura what had happened, the spinning tomoes vibrant
in her mind as Tsunade’s chakra mitigated the pain in her head and cleared her
mind. He was her soulmate and he’d made her forget. He’d deceived her. She
shook her head to clear her thoughts, wrapping her arms around herself and
clutching her stomach.
“Sakura,” Tsunade’s voice was dangerous, a vein throbbing in her forehead.
“Explain.”
Sakura laughed weakly, mind racing on what to tell her. She’d been stupid to
speak her thoughts aloud. And she was beyond angry at Kakashi, but she didn’t
want to see him in jail. What she suspected he’d done was very illegal and
Tsunade would be enraged on her behalf. “You caught me.” Sakura said placating.
“I’ve had a crush on Kakashi for a long time. Not long before he left he
rejected me.” She flinched in remembrance of the pain his words had caused.
That part wasn’t really a lie. He had rejected her.
“Is that so?” Tsunade said disbelieving.
“He made me see that I should like someone my own age.”
“Like Sasuke?” Tsunade’s eyebrow climbed up.
“Like Sasuke,” Sakura agreed sheepishly. “It was a silly crush.” She asserted
more firmly. “When he left we were on good terms. Obviously, he lied to me
about Rin. He was trying to save my feelings.”
“And why have neither of you mentioned this before?” Tsunade demanded.
“Because it was resolved! And embarrassing!” Sakura protested. “I didn’t want
the team to be broken up over something so insignificant.” Her face fell as she
tried to explain. She couldn’t help the distress she felt, even if she was
trying to save Kakashi’s skin. “Maybe I’m not over it,” Sakura admitted. “But
he’s still my friend, and I have every right to be worried about him!”
“Relax Sakura,” Tsunade sighed. What to do, what to do. Clearly Sakura was
hiding something to protect Kakashi, but what? She had no doubt about the man’s
character despite his obsession with Jiraiya’s perverted book series. He’d
proven to be a loyal shinobi to Konoha, and Naruto and Sakura both thought the
world of him. “The brat isn’t in trouble.”
Sakura sighed and visibly relaxed. “Thank you, Shishou. Kakashi-sensei is a
good man.”
Tsunade nodded and dismissed Sakura, who scampered out of the office as if her
ass was on fire. As soon as she was gone, Tsunade dug through the files in her
desk until she found Kakashi’s. She browsed through his medical file again,
noting with interest that the last annual physical he’d received was when he
was 21. Sakura would have only been 7 or 8 years old at the time and too young
to have reached puberty. Why would he feel the need to lie to Sakura about
having a soulmate? Interesting indeed.
XX
Kakashi returned home in the middle of the night. He was sore and had multiple
cuts and bruises covering his body, but otherwise it was exhaustion that slowed
his steps. He’d run for the better part of the day, eager to return home to a
hot shower and bed. Tomorrow, he would stop by to see Tsunade and give her a
verbal report on his mission. If he was lucky, Sakura would be at the Hokage
tower, helping Tsunade or Shizune and he would run into her. Six months without
seeing her was harder than he imagined, and he’d dreamed of her constantly.
Sakura had turned 15 in his absence and he was grateful for the passage of
time. 16 years old was the age of consent for a shinobi, and sadly it was
because of the type of missions that you would be expected to undertake. Hinata
would be exempt, being the heiress of the Hyuga clan, but Tenten, Sakura and
even Ino would be expected to participate in seduction missions soon. Nothing
they weren’t willing to do, but things that Kurenai had once admitted felt
degrading. Even Kakashi had completed his fair share of seduction missions, and
he hated every single one of them.
He had no desire to take advantage of Sakura, and whatever the laws of Konoha
stated, he wouldn’t approach her about their soulmarks until she was 18. He
would be 31 on her 18th birthday and turn 32 before her 19th and while the
thought made him loathe himself, even his control had a limit. He knew of
people who’d rejected their soulmark even when faced with the people that
shared it. Whether it was because they were already in a committed
relationship, or because they found their soulmate unsuitable, it wasn’t
unheard of. Yet Kakashi couldn’t imagine rejecting an adult Sakura and walking
away from the bond that was already pulling at him. She was his, and he was
hers in a way that was essential and unexplainable. If she chose someone else,
Sasuke or another nameless man, then he would have no choice in the matter. It
disturbed him to realize that before he walked away, he would lay himself at
her feet and beg her to accept him. He was truly pitiful.
When he entered his apartment, he felt her presence immediately and his heart
quickened. She wasn’t on his couch. He moved closer to his bedroom, listening
carefully for movement. He could pick up her heartbeat, slow and steady. Her
breaths were deep and even, his bedsheets rustling with her small movements as
she shifted on his bed. She was sleeping. Sakura was sleeping in his bed. His
pants tightened immediately at the thought and he turned away before he entered
his bedroom and was faced with a sleeping Sakura in his bed. He went to the
bathroom instead and turned on the tap, splashing his face with cold water. He
stared at himself, noting absently that his mask was sliced, his right cheek
bleeding sluggishly. Kakashi couldn’t face Sakura in his condition, hard and
aching, wounded and disheveled. He stripped carefully, hissing as fabric peeled
away from dried blood and reopened a few wounds.
He turned the water on, tempted to take a cold shower, but his body ached and a
chill had set deep in his bones after hours of endless running. He groaned at
the feel of the water, appreciating the heat that permeated his body. He
scrubbed his skin until it was raw, lathering soap in his hair and rinsing it
out with a happy sigh as the grit and dirt was washed down the drain. He’d
avoided thinking about anything but washing his body, but he was still hard and
aroused. He sighed in defeat, gripping himself and stroking. He deliberately
imagined a faceless woman lying in his bed, her hair forming a halo around her
head, mouth parted with shaky breaths. He squeezed, moaning lowly as he
imagined her wearing nothing, arms stretched above her head as he pressed
kisses to her soft stomach, to her firm thighs. He shuddered as he came to the
thought of how she would sound when he finally touched her.
He finished his shower quickly, ensuring every trace of his guilt was washed
down the drain with the blood and dirt that had coated his skin. His freshest
wounds had reopened, stinging slightly as he dried off. He stared with dismay
at the clothes on the ground. He couldn’t stand putting them back on, hard and
crusted, and fragrant as they were with dried blood and sweat and caked on
dirt. He wrapped the towel around his waist and opened the door very quietly.
He listened carefully and was relieved to hear that Sakura was still asleep,
soft snores erupting from her mouth. He crept into his room as silent as his
could, opening his drawers and grabbing the first set of clothes that he could
and escaping back to the bathroom. He dressed quickly, sliding his mask over
his face just as Sakura knocked on the bathroom door.
Kakashi scooped up his dirty clothes and opened the door to reveal a sleepy
Sakura, hair sticking up all over the place, wearing a full set of pajamas
covered with hearts. On her feet were a pair of fluffy blue slippers with ears.
He stared at them, uncertain if the ears were supposed to belong to a rabbit or
dog. It was a stark reminder of how very young she still was. He could tell she
was still mostly asleep as she murmured a greeting and moved past him into the
bathroom, waiting for him to step out before she closed the door. He went to
his room and threw his clothes into his laundry basket. He would probably end
up throwing them out, but it was as good a place as any to store them. He
waited patiently as the tap turned on and off and Sakura padded back into his
room. She leaned into his touch as he stroked her hair in passing but barely
paused on her way back to bed. She grumbled in annoyance at the light and
slipped back under his covers without a thought.
“It’s time to get up,” Kakashi told Sakura with amusement.
“It’s the middle of the night, Kakashi. It’s your turn to stand watch.” She
mumbled sleepily.
Kakashi waited for her to realize what she’d just said and laughed as she
suddenly jumped out of the bed. His laugh was cut off as she launched herself
at him and hugged him. “You’re back!”
“Careful Sakura,” he chided as his various cuts and bruises protested her
enthusiasm.
“And you’re hurt!” she admonished, pulling at shirt to try and survey the
damage.
“Maa Sakura, it’s okay. It’s only minor cuts and bruises. They’ll heal in a few
days.”
Sakura grinned at him. “Why wait a few days?” She pushed him towards the bed,
forcing him to sit as she inspected his arms first. He’d grabbed a sleeveless
undershirt, though his trademark mask was attached to it, as it was to all his
undershirts.
His eyes widened as her hands illuminated with green chakra. Tsunade had taught
her medical ninjutsu in six months? He watched impressed as Sakura attended to
the bruises and cuts on his arms, sighing in contentment as her chakra hummed
in his system. The feeling of her chakra was soothing, and he was still so
tired and relaxed after his shower and subsequent activities. He almost didn’t
register when her fingers once again tugged at his shirt, trying to pull it
from his pants where he’d tucked it in securely, a habit he’d formed since his
mark had appeared at 21. He tensed, grabbing Sakura’s hands to still them. “I’m
fine Sakura.” he said firmly.
At her wounded expression, he lifted her hands to his lips and kissed one of
her palms softly through his mask. “Thank you.” He murmured against her palm as
Sakura’s face flooded with color, her breaths short and choppy. He stood up,
towering over Sakura and pulled her into another hug. Her arms wrapped
tentatively around him, her face pressing into his chest.
“I missed you Kakashi,” Sakura admitted softly.
He squeezed her in response, reluctantly pulling away from her so he didn’t do
something more idiotic than he already had. “What are you doing here so late?”
he questioned, eyes creasing in a smile so she knew he wasn’t upset.
Sakura’s eyes flickered away, her fists clenching. “I came to water Mr. Ukki
and his family.”
Kakashi tilted his head in query. That didn’t really answer why she was
sleeping in his bed. His eyes moved to the window sill where Mr. Ukki and three
more plants now resided. “His family?”
Sakura bounded to the window sill and pointed them out. “I haven’t named them.
I left that for you.”
“How did they get there?” Kakashi wondered, scratching his head.
“Mr. Ukki was getting too big for his pot,” Sakura beamed proudly, “so I
trimmed him and planted his branches.”
“Ahh, thank you Sakura.”
“You’re welcome!” Sakura shifted as Kakashi stared at her.
He was imagining what it would be like to come home to Sakura like this. Sleepy
and mussed, greeting him affectionately and so very happy to see him. It was
nice for someone to miss him and it would be easy to grow comfortable with
someone waiting for him. “Maybe you should go home now Sakura. It’s late.”
Sakura nodded. “You’re right. It’s late, I should go home,” she repeated
dutifully. She opened his window, swinging a leg out before Kakashi grabbed her
hand.
“You can’t go home in just that,” he admonished.
“But I live in the next building.” Sakura told him.
“What?” Kakashi let go of her hand and stared at the apartment next door with
accusation. “When did that happen?”
“A couple months ago,” Sakura shrugged. “I love my parents, but my training was
putting an unnecessary strain on them. Moving out was the best option.”
“I see.” Kakashi said with a frown. He didn’t, not really. He’d been orphaned
so long ago and living alone for just as long. He wasn’t accustomed to being
accountable to anyone.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Sakura questioned.
Kakashi nodded. She would see him every day if he had his way. “Please stop by
whenever you are able.” He requested.
Sakura matched his serious tone. “We need to talk, then?”
“Yes,” Kakashi agreed. It was time to discuss their marks. Their behavior
tonight had felt natural, even if it should have been awkward and stilted. His
skin tingled from her chakra, and the softness of her touch as she’d healed
him. His own behavior he understood. He needed to be close after so much time
apart. He needed the reassurance that she was here, solid under his hands. It
was an itch that he’d ignored until the sight of her reminded him. Sakura’s
reciprocating affection was unexplained. Had she remembered what he did? Was
she simply reacting without thought because she was tired? The memories he’d
planted did not change that they were soulmates and Kurenai and Asuma had
explained it as being each other’s touchstones. When either of them returned
from a longer mission, the need for connection and touch was crucial and
undeniable. Asuma often joked that they couldn’t keep their hands off each
other, much to the irritation of Kurenai but she’d never denied the claims.
Sakura disappeared out the window with a small wave, and he watched as she
scaled the next roof before disappearing on the other side. He smiled
affectionately at the sight of her slippers’ ears flapping in the wind as she
ran.
XX
Sakura woke up the next morning more relaxed than she’d been in months despite
her interrupted sleep. She smiled in remembrance at Kakashi’s easy affection
but frowned as she considered the discussion they would have sometime today.
Her memories were still jumbled, her obsession with Sasuke still coloring so
many of her childhood ones, warring with her discovered feelings for Kakashi.
Did she love him? She couldn’t tell if what she felt was love. She’d thought
she loved Sasuke, and he’d surely dominated her thoughts for a few years as she
fantasized that they would grow up and get married and have children. She could
admit that she still found the memory of him attractive. She still missed him
and wanted him to return to Konoha and Team 7. Did that equal love?
She turned her thoughts to Kakashi, her perverted sensei who’d never really
seemed to care about her. Kakashi, who’d planted false memories of an
affectionate camaraderie between them where none had existed. Did he regret the
way he’d treated her? Had he wished he’d treated her the same as the boys? Or
was he simply trying to hide 2 years of neglectful behavior? It was hard to
piece together, the man he’d tried to portray himself as, and the man that he’d
been. Distant and careful, but so very observant. She tried to see it from his
view, discovering a soulmate that was over a decade younger and a child, where
he’d probably gone years with the assumption that he had none. How hard had
that been to adjust to? How would she have reacted? She considered what he’d
told her about his past, and his father in particular. He’d never explicitly
explained how his father had died, but asking Shizune had revealed the story of
Konoha’s White Fang and his eventual suicide. Everyone he’d grown attached to
had died, his parents, his teammates, his sensei but his father had left him
willingly, killing himself for what? Tears leaked from her eyes when she
considered her parents dying, when she thought of watching Sasuke die and being
forced to kill Naruto. Grief threatened to overwhelm her as she imagined
Kakashi’s slumped form, eyes glassy and empty of life. The people she loved and
held most dear were alive and well, but what kind of person would she become if
they weren’t? Would she turn into Sasuke, bitter and set on vengeance? Or
become Kakashi, aloof and never really letting anyone in, even his soulmate?
What he did to her, she wasn’t sure she could forgive. Whatever he’d wished,
the truth was what it was and placing a genjutsu on her would never change it.
She could understand that he had no idea how to treat her but he’d hurt her far
more than he needed to, and he’d done it to spare himself. That didn’t stop her
from missing him. It had turned into a sharp ache in his absence, and only
sleeping in his bed, surrounded by reminders of him had seemed to ease it.
Hopefully with his return, she would finally be able to sleep peacefully again.
She arrived at Kakashi’s apartment early but found him already gone. It didn’t
overly concern her. Tsunade needed to know he’d returned and maybe he would go
to the hospital to have his injuries looked at, no matter how minor they were.
He hadn’t left her a note, but she spent the morning tidying up his already
clean apartment. Then she pulled one of his books about genjutsu from the
bookshelf and sat on his bed to read. It was her day off and no one was
expecting her to show up at the hospital or Hokage tower so she wasn’t
concerned with anyone coming to look for her. So she read up what she could
about the lingering effects of genjutsu, especially mind-altering ones. It was
better to be informed about any potential side effects now that the genjutsu
he’d placed on her was dispelled.
XX
Tsunade had been pleased with his report, but Kakashi had the impression that
she was angry with him, even as she praised his actions. It was if she wanted
to say something more to him but held herself back in the presence of Shizune.
He was eager to leave, waving off her suggestion of visiting the hospital.
 Tsunade’s voice stopped him before he could finally leave. “Oh, and Kakashi?”
“Yes, Hokage-sama?” he inquired respectfully.
“Your medical files are out of date. I expect you to get your annual physical
this year, no matter what. Am I being clear?”
Kakashi swallowed hard at the threat inherent in her posture and nodded. “Of
course, Hokage-sama.”
“Good, now beat it.”
He sighed heavily as he approached his apartment. An annual physical was out of
the question. Sakura’s mark was surely on record, wherever her mark happened to
be and if his was discovered, the consequences of his inaction would be severe.
He could argue that he hadn’t realized, but he had a feeling that Tsunade was
already keeping a close eye on him and Sakura. She was her student after all
and seemed to cherish her. He didn’t blame Tsunade for looking out for Sakura
as he should have all these years.
He could sense Sakura’s presence as he approached, but it was more than that as
his senses reacted to her. He could catch her scent on the wind, too indistinct
for anyone but a Hatake or perhaps a Inuzuka. She’d showered this morning, the
familiar scent of Pakkun’s Floral Green shampoo making him smile. He could hear
her fingers sliding across the pages of one his books and he imagined what she
looked like, curled in his blankets, pink head bent over one of his books. He
entered through the window abruptly, taking in her startled expression before
he pulled her to her feet. He needed to touch and taste her to satisfy his
senses. His arms wrapped around her, mask pushed down as his mouth pressed
chastely to her forehead. It would have to be enough as she trembled in his
grasp and he remembered himself. He pulled his mask up in shame, watching as
her eyes blinked open.
“Kakashi? What was that?”
He shrugged, falling into his familiar slouch, hands buried deep in his pockets
so he would not touch her. “It was a long mission. I’m sorry Sakura.”
Sakura nodded as if that was explanation enough. It wasn’t. He was being
inappropriate, but it was too easy to fall into the same pattern as last night.
To acquiesce to his need to reach for her and have that need reciprocated. But
he could see from her expression that she’d come to a decision and he probably
wouldn’t like it.
“We should talk,” Sakura said quietly and he flinched at the resolve in her
eyes. “I don’t know what this is,” she gestured between them in frustration.
“But it can’t continue for obvious reasons.”
“Yes,” Kakashi agreed because what else could he say? He pulled up the memory
of her in heart-covered pajamas and wearing her silly slippers and a dozen
other memories of Sakura’s more childish moments to remind himself that this
was necessary, that she was right.
“I think I know why you used your Sharingan on me,” Sakura speculated, “but I
need to hear it from you.”
“So you remember.”
“Yes,” Sakura scowled, “And no. I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t
anymore. Do you understand how frightening that is?”
“No,” Kakashi said truthfully. He hated himself for the turmoil on her face and
he only wanted to make it better. “I should never have altered your memories.
It was wrong, but I can get rid of the residual memories for you so you know
what was real.”
“And you expect me to trust you?” Sakura asked incredulously.
“You don’t have a reason to,” Kakashi admitted. “But I never meant to hurt
you,” At Sakura’s disbelieving snort, he insisted. “I wanted you to be happy
Sakura. And I haven’t made you happy since the moment I met you. I was a
terrible sensei, and I deserve your anger and mistrust. But you looked at me
and you were hurting,” his voice cracked as he remembered the expression on her
face. Why Kakashi?“And I knew that whatever happened, I never wanted to see you
cry over me again.”
“So you made yourself into the model sensei? You made yourself look good to
make up for your own guilt?” Sakura demanded, fists clenched in anger at his
revelation.
“I never meant to,” Kakashi asserted. “It was an unintended benefit.” A
soulmate is the person that loves you most.The words his mother had spoken to
him rang in his ears and no matter how he’d tried to deny it to himself, he’d
never loved anyone more than Sakura, who was watching him with an expression
twisted in anger. He’d failed her in so many ways, but altering her memories
was probably the worst thing he could have done.
Minato had often told him about his parents, even when Kakashi made a point to
voice his anger at his father. Maybe it was simply stories, maybe most of them
were fabricated but Minato had no reason to lie to him about them. They’d never
had a reason to distrust each other and whatever mistakes Sakumo had made with
his son, Minato assured him that his mother had died a happy woman, adored by
her husband until the end. Kakashi couldn’t even accomplish that much.
“Sakura, I’m not asking you to forgive me. There is no explanation that will
make this better or change what I did. What you felt, what you experienced, was
entirely my fault.” He sighed heavily. “I don’t know how to make it better. I
don’t know how to make you happy,” he admitted. “That’s why I never wanted a
soulmate. I’m not Asuma or my father.”
“I don’t want you to be anyone but you,” Sakura cried. “I just wanted honesty!
You don’t think I realize that we can’t have a relationship? That what we’re
feeling is wrong?”
“No,” Kakashi said firmly. “It isn’t wrong. It’s just not the right time.”
Sakura’s shoulders slumped. “Will there ever be a right time, Kakashi?”
Kakashi tilted Sakura’s chin up so she would look him in the eye. “One day
Sakura, absolutely nothing will keep me from you. But one word from you, and
I’ll step back. You deserve normalcy and happiness and I will do everything I
can to ensure that you get it.”
“You deserve that too Kakashi,” Sakura insisted. “But I need time. Everything I
feel for you is too intense and it scares me.”
Kakashi stared into her green eyes and smiled in reassurance. “It’s okay
Sakura. I’ve waited this long.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Focus on
you, on what you need and want. Don't worry about me right now."
“Why does it feel like you’re saying goodbye?” Sakura clutched his vest in
fear.  
“I’m not,” Kakashi insisted. “I’m just saying wait. Wait until you’re older.”
“I can do that.” Sakura whispered.
“Good,” Kakashi murmured. He pulled her close again, possibly for the last
time. He had no intention of saying goodbye, no intention of moving on but he
understood that Sakura was still growing. She hadn’t fully matured and in a few
years what she wanted now, what she was feeling now might only be a painful
memory. He needed to give her room to discover what she wanted. He breathed her
in, memorizing her scent, and her feel and fixing the moment into his memory.
It was an important one. They hadn’t said the words. They hadn’t made any
declarations or shown each other the marks that bound them together, but it was
a beginning and an end and it felt important.
XX
Eventually Naruto returned and the first thing he did was bang on her door. She
didn’t know how he got her address, but it didn’t matter. Sakura greeted him
with an exuberant hug, tears of joy streaming down her cheeks. He pushed her
way and eagerly began to strip off his pants. Sakura could only watch with
mounting horror at his bright orange boxers.
“Naruto, you idiot! What are you-?"
“Look!” Naruto exclaimed eagerly. “I have my mark!” He proudly pointed to the
mark just above his knee, a sun that matched the one that Hinata had shown her
months before. “What’s yours?” he asked eagerly.
She sighed, reading the hope in his eyes and shaking her head sadly. “Mine
isn’t a sun Naruto.”
“Oh,” Naruto’s face fell, disappointed by the news. “I should have known. I
wonder what Sasuke's is?" 
“Well there's no way my mark matches his!" Sakura announced hotly. 
Naruto brightened at her declaration and immediately started telling her about
his time away.
“Naruto, you idiot,” Sakura interrupted with a pointed glare at the pants that
were still around his ankles.
“Oh, Sorry Sakura!” Naruto grinned sheepishly as he pulled his pants up.
Sakura rolled her eyes at his antics, immeasurably pleased to have him back.
She didn’t immediately announce who his soulmate was. It felt cruel to keep it
from him, but Sakura didn’t want Naruto to overwhelm Hinata on his return. The
poor girl might have a heart attack and die if he were to drop his pants in
front of her.
She and Kakashi weren’t actively avoiding each other. It was more an unspoken
agreement to give each other space after the heavy revelations on both of their
sides. When Naruto invited her to Ichiraku with Kakashi, she politely declined.
“But he’s paying!” Naruto whined. “Kakashi-sensei never pays! And maybe we can
finally see his face!”
Sakura closed her eyes, remembering the touch of Kakashi’s lips against her
forehead. She had her chance, but she’d been too afraid. “That’s okay Naruto. I
promised Hinata I would have lunch with her, just the two of us,” she said
pointedly as Naruto opened his mouth to invite her along.
Naruto gave her another hug and she marveled at how tall he’d gotten. Puberty
sure was treating him right. His voice wasn’t much deeper but he’d grown so
much in two years. His shoulders were broader, and his jawline had become more
defined, his cheeks losing the baby fat but not the whiskers that marked his
face. “Hey, Sakura?”
“Yes, Naruto?”
“Maybe you should invite Hinata to lunch next time? I haven’t seen her yet. It
would be nice to catch up!” Naruto scratched his head nervously. “If she wants
to that is.”
“Of course she does, Naruto! She missed you too!”
“Really?” Naruto’s smile looked wide enough to break his face. “That’s great!”
Sakura rolled her eyes at how oblivious he still was. She was going to have to
lock these two in a closet if she wanted anything to happen. “Go, Naruto! You
don’t want Kakashi-sensei to wait for too long.”
Naruto ran off with a wave over his shoulder. Sakura stared after him with
joyful tears in her eyes. She couldn’t believe he was home. It felt like she
had her brother back and she knew that Kakashi would be just as happy.  
Chapter End Notes
     I won't lie. I hated this chapter. It was hard to write and took
     forever to finish. So much more was supposed to happen in this
     chapter but it was sidetracked by Kakashi's and Sakura's drama.
     Look for an update next weekend. Hated it? Found it meh? Let me know,
     I really don't mind the constructive criticism. Thanks for reading!
***** Part 5: After the Time-skip Finally *****
Chapter Notes
     Here's the update, a day later than I promised but I hope you can
     forgive me.
     This story has grown so much and as I wrote it, I rewatched many of
     my favorite episodes as I tried to consider moments to include that
     would be important in developing their relationship. It was hard to
     narrow it down as I love so many of the arcs in Shippuden. I did get
     a little carried away and you now have this chapter to get through
     because I couldn't slim it down. There is a lot more of NaruHina in
     this chapter. They are my original favorite pairing in Naruto and I
     still love them dearly.
     Also, another warning. As much as I love the characters in Naruto, I
     will probably keep the canon character deaths in place. But I did
     rearrange the timeline just a little. And one last thing, I swear.
     The amount of POV switches in this chapter are sure to give you
     whiplash. You've been warned!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Before they could be reassigned to missions Sakura and Naruto were informed
that they would be facing Kakashi in another bell test to test the training
they’d received from Tsunade and Jiraiya. It was fitting to pit them against
their former sensei Sakura thought. And despite the tension that existed in
their relationship, she was excited to show him what she’d learned besides
medical ninjutsu.
Training Grounds Three brought back painful memories for both Sakura and Naruto
and she had to wonder if Kakashi had chosen this place to unsettle them, Naruto
in particular. With the memories of Sasuke still fresh in their minds, Naruto’s
exuberant mood fell drastically. Sakura caught herself falling into the
familiar patterns of grief and mourning. Sasuke was not dead, but she’d begun
to accept that his absence from the village was possibly permanent. She hoped
and wished with her entire being that he would return to them and set aside his
current path so that they could be a team again and the family that Naruto had
come to rely on so heavily. She knew that even Kakashi missed Sasuke in his own
way and blamed himself for not being a better sensei. She looked around and saw
themselves as if it was days and not years before. Sasuke with his arrogance,
Naruto with his overzealous belief and her, with her uncertainty regarding her
new feelings towards Kakashi and Sasuke.
Kakashi disappeared and lost them quite easily but Sakura thought through what
he might do. When she realized where he had to be she smirked, eager to show
off her new abilities. She pulled on her gloves and aimed a punch filled with
chakra at the ground. The earth split with a satisfying crack, shifting
underneath them and causing Naruto to wobble on his feet. Sakura smiled
triumphantly as Kakashi was revealed with wide eyes and a star struck
expression.
“I found you,” she crowed, pleased by his shock.
Adrenaline pumped through her system as Kakashi regained his senses. Sakura
shivered as she realized that he was staring at her with open admiration and
perhaps a little too appreciation. She frowned at him, but her blood sang under
his gaze. She really hoped that Naruto wouldn’t be able to interpret the
expression on Kakashi’s face. She needn’t have worried. When she looked to
Naruto she saw that his attention was focused solely on her with as much
admiration as Kakashi.
“Focus Naruto!” she snapped, flustered by Kakashi and irritated that Naruto
still seemed to have a crush on her. She would be sure to let him know about
Hinata as soon as there was a chance.
The test progressed much as the last time, Kakashi pitting them against the
same tests as before but with them passing easily. She was tempted to let him
prolong the genjutsu if only to speak to Sasuke’s image a little longer. She
could feel Naruto trembling beside her, even more affected by the sight of him.
That was a cruel move Kakashi. But it was a necessary one to see how they’d
grown. She knew that Sasuke was not real, and the urge to run to him was muted
which relieved her. It seemed that she’d truly grown out of her devotion to
Sasuke. She thought she was beginning to know Kakashi but to see his expanse of
knowledge and ability was thrilling. Her admiration for him as a shinobi was
warranted and shared equally by Naruto who had nothing but praise for their
sensei.
And despite the knowledge she possessed about Kakashi that few others did, she
was still stumped on how to beat him. Perhaps if she was skilled in genjutsu
she might be able to fabricate Rin to throw him off. Other than stripping naked
she had no idea what could distract Kakashi, until Naruto showed just how much
he’d matured as a tactician. Yes, it was fighting dirty and absolutely had no
chance of working in battle on anyone but Kakashi, but when the sun rose they
each had their bells and Kakashi was simply grateful that Make-out Tactics
wasn’t spoiled for him. She considered it a bonus that Naruto was required to
clean Academy bathrooms for three days as punishment for reading an adult book.
Reunited under what was now known as Team Kakashi made Sakura feel as if they
had a real chance at bringing Sasuke home safely. She and Naruto had both
matured so much in their time apart, and she no longer felt that she would be a
burden to her teammates. She would never be Naruto or Sasuke in terms of skill
or chakra reserves, but she was slowly becoming the kunoichi that she’d
imagined when she was young. And despite their difficulties, Kakashi had helped
her to set her on that path and Naruto had always believed in her.
Time passed quickly after that and soon Gaara was abducted and Kankuro was
poisoned. Team Kakashi was assigned to help out Suna to retrieve Gaara. This
was also a chance for Sakura to utilize her training to save Kankuro’s life.
When she was split from Naruto and Kakashi, she didn’t have the opportunity to
think about the danger they were in as she was focused on surviving her fight
with Sasori. It was as she trapped in Sasori’s cloud of poison that she
remembered her promise to herself to stop relying on her teammates so much and
to finally save herself and stop slowing them down. She thought of Kakashi
losing another of his teammates and how much more that might affect him since
she was his soulmate. They’d never laid it all out or admitted that they were
soulmates, but they’d understood each other. She didn’t need to see the marks
to know that they matched. She couldn’t die here and leave him alone. He’d lost
so much, and she would do her best to ensure that he didn’t lose anything else.
The trip home was made quicker by Gai’s competitive nature. She barely had a
chance to talk to Lee or Tenten before they were racing home. Sakura made sure
to keep an eye on Kakashi who was too weak to move unassisted because of the
use of his Mangekyo Sharingan. She wasn’t quite sure how to feel about the
sight of Kakashi riding piggyback on Gai’s back. She wanted to laugh at
Kakashi’s obvious discomfort, but she was also battling concern at how weak he
was. It couldn’t be her place to soothe him or offer comfort as there were so
many people around. She noticed Lee watching them both closely and remembered
that he knew of her and Kakashi’s marks, but he didn’t say a word. She hadn’t
had a chance yet to let him know that her memories had returned but she could
tell he suspected with the way that she was hovering by Gai’s side. She was
thankful when Gai delivered an unconscious Kakashi safely to the hospital.
XX
Kakashi awoke slowly with a throbbing head and a dry mouth. His fingers flexed
in the grip of a small calloused palm and he opened his eye to see Sakura
sleeping in a chair at his bedside. The room was a private one and no nurses or
medic-nin were currently in the room with them. For that he was grateful with
the picture Sakura made clutching his hand.
“Kakashi! It’s good to see you’re awake!”
Gai’s booming voice made him flinch and he hushed his rival and best friend
with a pointed stare at Sakura. Thankfully Sakura reacted to his voice with
only a furrowed brow and low murmur and remained asleep. Kakashi knew that he
should pull his hand from Sakura’s if he didn’t want Gai to suspect something,
but he was still disturbed by the explosion that had almost killed them all. If
he hadn’t managed to divert the explosion, then Sakura would be dead. He closed
his eyes, reliving the resignation and fear in her eyes as she ran away from
the heat of the explosion, knowing that she wouldn’t make it. There’d barely
been time to react and he’d almost lost her. There was no time to say goodbye,
no time to think. It had been a desperate move and his body bore the
consequences. He didn’t mind if Sakura was alive and well beside him. So, he
continued to hold her hand and dared Gai to say anything with a glare.
Their friendship had lasted almost two decades, such that they were able to
read each other’s moods and expressions and could communicate without words.
When Gai’s eyes welled up with tears and he raised his thumb, Kakashi knew that
Gai understood who Sakura was to him and did not judge him. There would be a
conversation later with explanations involved but right now Gai simply nodded
and left the room quietly with tears of joy streaming down his face. Kakashi
heard him speaking to others waiting outside the room and sighed in relief as
the voices faded away. Soon Sakura would wake up and things would return to the
awkward tension but for now he clung to Sakura’s hand and watched over her
perfectly content as she slept peacefully by his side.
XX
They finally had their chance to face Sasuke and potentially bring him home.
This opportunity couldn’t be passed up but Kakashi was still recovering from
overusing his Sharingan. Sakura and Naruto were introduced first to Sai and
then Yamato who would accompany them on the mission. Naruto was determined to
hate Sai, who he viewed as a poor replacement for Sasuke. Sakura was equally
determined to resent Yamato for stepping into Kakashi’s place. But they had
their orders and they left as a modified Team Kakashi. Sakura didn’t have the
chance to say goodbye to Kakashi with too many people around to witness their
exchange. He offered his typical smile and she obliged when he lifted his hand
and bent down so he could ruffle her hair. He offered the same gesture to
Naruto who obliged with a pleased grin. Then they were leaving, and Sakura had
no time to talk to him in private. They made eye contact and she understood
that he felt as she did. They communicated with a look and then she was
following Naruto towards Sasuke.
Get better Kakashi.
Stay safe, Sakura.
Sasuke paid no attention to her, his entire focus was centered on Naruto as his
perceived final hurdle in his goal to kill Itachi. Despite her new strength and
her promise to Naruto, she proved useless and Yamato was forced to intervene
and was injured on her behalf. And after everything, Sasuke was forced to stand
down by Orochimaru and they disappeared before their eyes. The mission was a
failure but Sakura forced herself to focus only on the positive aspects. Sai
and Yamato had both proven to be valuable allies and friends. She’d gained new
teammates and they’d survived another encounter with Orochimaru. And despite
how bitterly Naruto took their failure, she finally had a clearer perspective
on Sasuke. She missed him, but not as he was. She missed the angry boy he’d
been, hurting with the loss of his family and determined to grow stronger. She
missed the idea of who she thought he would become but she was finally able to
understand that she did not truly love Sasuke and she never would. He
represented a past dream, but she would never stop fighting for the return of
the person she considered a dear friend. Neither would Naruto. In that they
were united.
XX
Kakashi was teaching Naruto the move, if successfully pulled off, that would
surpass the skills of the Fourth Hokage. Naruto was frustrated and barely
making progress but in him Kakashi saw the shadow of his own sensei and
rejoiced. He tried to articulate his emotions, much to the mortification of
Naruto when they got the news. Asuma Sarutobi was dead, killed by Hidan of the
Akatsuki.
If not for Mirai, Kurenai would be inconsolable. The young baby cried for hours
and hours after Kurenai felt the pain from Asuma’s death and watched in horror
as her mark darkened from crimson to a muddy brown. Team 10 returned as soon as
possible, and it was Shikamaru who stood on her step to give Kurenai the news.
When she opened the door, the crying of Mirai could be heard further in the
apartment and Kurenai’s eyes were red and swollen from crying. Shikamaru
understood immediately that she already knew as Kurenai collapsed to her knees
at his feet when she saw the pain in his eyes.
“She won’t stop crying, Shikamaru. Mirai, she’s been crying for hours. She
won’t eat. I don’t know what to do,” Kurenai whimpered. “Asuma would know what
to do. He’s so good with her.” Kurenai started to sob, body heaving in grief as
she allowed herself to accept Asuma’s death. Shikamaru moved passed Kurenai
into the room where Mirai lay in her crib, her wails weakening with every
passing minute. He picked his goddaughter up very carefully and brought her to
Kurenai, dropping to his knees with Mirai cradled in his arms.
“She needs you, Kurenai. Right now, Mirai needs her mother.” He held her out
and watched as Kurenai gently took Mirai from him and cradled her close. He
blinked back tears as Kurenai started to rock Mirai.
“Shhh, Mirai. It will be okay. Mom is here, Mirai. Mom is here.” Mirai slowly
quieted, calmed by Kurenai’s soothing tone despite her grief.
They sat there for awhile longer, sitting on the floor with the door wide open.
Shikamaru watched over Kurenai as she clutched Mirai to her breast, promising
himself then that he would take care of them both, Mirai and Kurenai. He would
do it for Asuma, and for himself.
XX
Naruto’s training was incomplete when they were given the news of Asuma’s death
at the hands of the Akatsuki. Naruto was frozen with confusion, unable to
believe that someone he’d admired was gone. It was different than granny Chiyo
or Haku, people he’d grown to like who’d died but chosen death for reasons
important to them. It was someone that they’d known for years, and if Team
Kakashi had been on that mission, it could easily have been Kakashi in Asuma’s
place. Asuma, who had a soulmate and young daughter waiting for him at home.
Sakura was horrified by the news, thinking of Ino, Shikamaru and Choji losing
their sensei in such a way. She watched Kakashi with concern as he retreated
into himself, growing quieter as he processed the news of his friend’s death.
She shed tears and hugged Naruto, but it was Kakashi she watched at the funeral
as he stared at Kurenai with a heartbreaking expression. One more person that
he lost, and she grieved for him as well as Kurenai, Team 10 and the daughter
Asuma would never get to see grow up. 
Sakura went to his apartment that night and found it empty. There was only one
place she could expect him to be.
He was kneeling at the cenotaph, fists clenched on his thighs as he stared at
the names of the people he’d lost. He could feel Sakura’s presence behind him,
body shaking as he suppressed the cries that ached in his throat. He was being
selfish. Kurenai had lost her soulmate and Mirai had lost her father. What had
he lost in comparison? But he couldn’t help but think of Asuma when he was
younger, who’d been so concerned about him that he went to his father with
Kurenai and Gai and requested Kakashi be discharged from Anbu. It was not a
move that Kakashi had appreciated at the time but showed the depth that Asuma
cared for his friends. He thought of how happy Asuma and Kurenai were and the
picture of joy Asuma embodied as he held his newborn daughter in his arms with
Kurenai beaming beside him. Of all their generation, Asuma had perhaps the most
to live for. And he was dead.
“It should have been me,” Kakashi lamented. “I should be the one dead and Asuma
should be home with his family.”
“No,” Sakura denied. She understood what Kakashi was saying and she couldn’t
imagine the pain Kurenai was suffering but she could not bear to hear Kakashi
wish himself in Asuma’s place. “No!” Sakura shouted at him. “There is nothing
you can do for Asuma now and I can’t listen to you say that you would prefer to
be dead in his place Kakashi. Maybe I’m being selfish and cruel, but I’m so
damn happy that you’re alive, even if you’re grieving.”
Kakashi’s eyes squeezed shut at the despair in Sakura’s voice. Maybe he was
being self-centered, but he couldn’t stand to see how his thoughtless wish
affected Sakura. He stiffened as Sakura’s arms wrapped around his shoulders,
her mouth pressing against the back of his neck. “I’m sorry Kakashi. I’m so
sorry for your loss and Kurenai’s and Shikamaru’s. I know it hurts. But I’m
here and I’m not going anywhere. I can’t do anything for them, but I’m here for
you if you need it.”
Kakashi relaxed under her touch as her dampened cheeks pressed into his hair.
“I know,” he managed. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry Kakashi. Just stay here. Promise me you’ll stay with me.”
“I can’t promise I won’t die,” Kakashi said with regret. “But I’m yours Sakura,
for as long as you need me.”
“Me too, Kakashi. Don’t forget that I’m yours too.”
They ended up at Kakashi’s apartment. They communicated without words, Sakura
stripping to a tank top and underwear as Kakashi pulled his shirt with the
attached mask over his head and slid into his bed beside her. He was tired and
his heart hurt in a way that could not be healed by Sakura’s abilities. Instead
of focusing on his grief, he reached out for her and pulled her close. Sakura
rested on her side facing him and took in his appearance with sorrow and love.
It was the first time she viewed his face without the mask and she drank in the
sight of him. He looked worn and despondent, but he was possibly the most
beautiful person she’d ever seen. She touched the scar that ran across his eye
and cheek, stroking Kakashi’s jaw as he studied her in return. Her fingers
grazed his lips softly, sliding down his straight nose and stroking the mole
that sat to the bottom left of his mouth. She marveled at the tan line of his
mask and the pale skin that hadn’t been touched by the sun in years. She didn’t
know why he chose to reveal so much but she would cherish the trust he’d placed
in her.
Kakashi revealed himself to Sakura because he was tired of hiding. Hiding his
thoughts and feelings and closing himself off from the world whenever anything
terrible happened. He didn’t trust easily, and he never would, but he knew that
he could trust Sakura with this. He was gratified by the appreciation in
Sakura’s eyes, both for his appearance and for letting her in. Sakura wiggled
closer on the bed, her hand sliding to the back of his head and pulling his
face closer to hers. Kakashi sighed as her lips touched his briefly.
“Sakura, I don’t-”
“It’s okay, Kakashi. I’m not pushing for anything. I just wanted to let you
know I’m here.” She kissed him again softly and his lips parted against hers,
deepening the kiss in sudden desperation. He just wanted to forget for the
moment.
He pushed her to her back and slid over her, tongue pushing into her welcoming
mouth. Her thighs parted for him instinctively and he pressed himself against
her as he kissed her. When it grew hard to breathe, Kakashi pulled away,
staring at Sakura’s flushed cheeks and bright eyes with sudden shame. He
understood the psychology. He’d been in more than one mission where a sudden
death or near-death heightened the urge to reaffirm life. He’d slept with other
Jounin during the aftermath of these missions, but the encounters ultimately
meant nothing. He was grateful for the women that shared his bed and they felt
the same, but he’d never entered a relationship with them afterwards. It wasn’t
about tenderness or affection and both parties understood this. He didn’t want
to put Sakura in this position. She wasn’t just a convenient body and he
wouldn’t treat her like one.
He twisted off her and fell to his back, fervor cooling as guilt settled in his
chest. “I’m sorry Sakura. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“I’m not,” Sakura insisted. “I’m here for you in any way that you need.”
Kakashi turned towards her, smiling at her determination that was so at odds
with her tousled hair and flushed cheeks. “Thank you, Sakura for being here for
me.” He pulled her close again and rested his chin on top of her head. “Right
now, I need to sleep but I would love if you stayed with me tonight.”
Sakura murmured her agreement, relaxing into his embrace. Kakashi thanked
whatever or whoever had seen fit to give him someone as generous as Sakura. He
fell asleep surrounded by her scent, her touch and the sound of her breathing,
thankful for once that he was the one to survive.
XX
Time passed and Sakura and Kakashi skirted the issue of their soulmarks. Sakura
did not sleep at Kakashi’s again in the months following but he knew that she
was there for him if he needed her. And Sakura understood that he wasn’t
pushing her away by not acknowledging the steps they’d taken in their
relationship, he was just waiting for her to grow up. They’d already crossed so
many boundaries, but it felt like as long as they didn’t say the words aloud or
move towards a more intimate relationship then they already had, then
everything would work out in the end. It was perhaps naïve and foolish on their
part, but no one close to them gave any indication they suspected the nature of
their relationship. Yamato was too concerned about Naruto’s control over the
Nine-tailed fox, Sai was too literal in his interpretations of the books he was
reading on human nature and Naruto remained as oblivious as ever to everything
and everyone around him unless it had to do with Sasuke or his training.
Sakura broke the news about Naruto’s soulmark to Hinata one afternoon while
they were hanging out at Sakura’s apartment. They’d both been very busy with
missions with the threat of the Akatsuki looming over them and rarely had the
chance to speak. Hinata confirmed that she and Lee had both suspected that
Sakura had her memories returned to her. Sakura explained the incident with
Tsunade and how she’d come to deal with Kakashi’s manipulation. Hinata wasn’t
on Kakashi’s side but she made it clear that from her perspective, Kakashi was
only doing what he thought was best for her and wasn’t trying to be selfish.
Hinata also revealed that Lee had found his soulmate when Naruto invited him to
Ichiraku. He’d been struck immediately by Ayame’s beauty and when she’d handed
him his bowl of ramen with a shy smile, the rest was history. It explained why
Lee had been oddly absent in her training sessions with Hinata, but Sakura was
happy for him.
“I wonder what Gai-sensei thinks of that?” Sakura mused. “Ayame is older than
Lee by a few years. How are Lee and Ayame handling it?” Sakura asked Hinata.
“Lee is only sixteen and Ayame will be twenty soon.”
Hinata grinned. “It’s caused quite the scandal. Ayame has announced to her
father that she will marry Lee the day he turns seventeen. They already have
Gai-sensei’s blessing. Teuchi-sama almost had a heart attack and shut down
Ichiraku for a whole day while he recuperated from the shock.”
“That’s why Naruto was in such a foul mood a couple weeks ago!” Sakura
announced. “He mentioned Ichiraku had closed and complained all day that he was
starving.”
Hinata’s cheeks pinked at the mention of Naruto and her hands twisted in her
lap nervously. “How is Naruto, Sakura? I haven’t seen much of him around the
village since he returned. Team Kakashi seems to always be on a mission.”
Sakura frowned, filled with guilt at Hinata’s wistful expression. “Hinata, I’m
so sorry! I promised Naruto I would invite you for ramen with us but with
Asuma’s death and the Akatsuki there never seemed to be the right time.”
“It’s okay, Sakura! Please don’t feel guilty on my behalf! I know you and
Naruto have more important things to deal with.” Hinata tried to placate Sakura
but her self-deprecation only made Sakura feel guiltier.
“Hinata, there’s something I should have told you already.”
“What is it Sakura?” Hinata asked nervously at Sakura’s serious expression.
“Naruto showed me his soulmark when he got back from his training with
Jiraiya.”
Hinata’s expression fell at Sakura’s apologetic expression. “It’s okay Sakura.
I understand. I shouldn’t have got my hopes up. There was no chance that
someone as amazing as Naruto would have the same soulmark as me.”
“What? That’s not what I was trying to say at all!” Sakura hurried to say.
“Naruto’s mark matches yours! I’m just sorry it took so long to tell you.”
Sakura watched as Hinata’s expression went through a multitude of expressions
from disbelief, joy, fear, sorrow and back to disbelief. “Naruto’s mark matches
mine?” Hinata whispered.
“Yes,” Sakura confirmed with a huge grin. “Naruto is your soulmate.” Hinata
blinked once and then fainted, crumpling gracefully to the floor. Sakura shook
her head in exasperation. “I really should have expected that.”
When Hinata woke up she begged Sakura not to tell Naruto about their soulmarks.
“Why?” Sakura whined. “You could go tell him right now and be dating by the end
of the day! Isn’t that what you want?”
“Yes,” Hinata confirmed with a shy smile. “I would be beyond happy to date
Naruto, but I don’t want him to feel obligated to be with me just because we’re
soulmates. I want him to like me for me. Is that too much to ask?”
Sakura frowned in consideration. “I guess that makes sense but you two are
soulmates. You belong together!”
“Sakura,” Hinata hesitated. “I don’t mean to offend you, but have you ever felt
that you and Kakashi-sensei wouldn’t be together if you weren’t soulmates? Do
you think you’d still like Sasuke if you didn’t know about Kakashi-sensei?”
Sakura’s face drained of color as she thought of the possibilities and
consequences. Would Kakashi be with someone else if she wasn’t his soulmate?
Was he involved with anyone when he’d found out? What if he’d dated someone in
the two years before she’d implied he’d been jealous of her date with Lee? Did
he still want to date someone else while he waited for her? What if he met
someone else who was better than her and more age-appropriate? “Hinata,” her
voice wavered. “you’re right. What if I’m holding Kakashi back? He said he
would wait for me, but is that really fair?”
“Oh no!” Hinata cried with dismay. “I didn’t mean it like that! Kakashi-sensei
loves you, I know it! You should have seen him when he used his Sharingan on
you. He was so sad at the thought of rejecting you and said he was waiting for
you to grow up, Sakura.”
“He shouldn’t have to wait for me to grow up,” Sakura said bitterly. “He should
have a soulmate his age that can support him and love him openly because I
can’t.”
“You’re sixteen, Sakura. One more year until you’re an adult. Then you and
Kakashi can be together without consequences. That’s not that long,” Hinata
offered tentatively.
“But will anyone really be able to accept us? What will Shishou think? And my
parents? What if Naruto hates us?” Sakura clenched her fists and wiped away a
tear in dejection.
“What if they don’t like it?” Hinata said with a sudden ferocity. “Will you
give Kakashi up? Will you reject him?”
“Of course not!” Sakura scoffed. She’d waited this long and there was no chance
that she was walking away from him. “But what if Kakashi realizes how this will
make him look? What if someone convinces him that I’m not worth it?” Sakura’s
lips quivered as she brought up fears she’d hidden deep down, even from
herself. Despite Kakashi’s reassurances she couldn’t help but be afraid that
she wouldn’t be enough.
Hinata put a hand on Sakura’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “I know it’s hard
Sakura, but I believe with all my heart that Kakashi-sensei loves you more than
anything and he wouldn’t walk away from you. Don’t you trust him?”
“Of course, I do,” Sakura whispered. She thought of Kakashi revealing his face
and his grief and exhaustion to her without hesitation. He trusted her enough
to bare everything to her in a vulnerable moment, and she could only offer the
same in return. “You’re right Hinata. I did have those kinds of thoughts and I
still do. But I don’t think Kakashi would hurt me intentionally and I do trust
him.”
“Good,” Hinata said with a relieved sigh. “I’m sorry for suggesting that
Kakashi-sensei didn’t want you as a soulmate. I just wanted you to understand
how I feel about Naruto. I would have loved him even if he wasn’t my soulmate.
But I don’t know if he could ever feel the same way. He’s never given an
indication that he cares for anyone except you.” Hinata said sadly.
“Hinata, Naruto is like a brother to me. And I think he feels the same way
about me. We’re past that now.”
“Maybe,” Hinata assented “but that doesn’t mean that Naruto sees me as more
than a friend. We hardly interact, and I can’t even look him in the eye when we
do talk. Maybe it’s not meant to be.”
“It will work out,” Sakura said with conviction. “I know I’m getting frustrated
about this situation with Kakashi, but you and Naruto are still young. You have
years to work things out. At this point I don’t think anyone could really hurt
Naruto. He always seems to come out stronger than he was before. Kakashi on the
other hand,” Sakura sighed thinking of the dozens of close-calls Kakashi had.
“He takes too many risks. I’m just glad that I can heal him now.”
“You make it seem like you’re so much older than us,” Hinata teased, trying to
lighten the mood. “Should I start calling you Granny Sakura?”
“Shut up,” Sakura grumbled. “Kakashi’s made me age twice as fast as you two.
When I’m his age I’ll look like I’m fifty.”
Hinata giggled and Sakura burst into laughter at her own dramatics.
XX
Sakura kept her word and didn’t let Naruto know about Hinata’s matching
soulmark. And once again, regrettably there was very little time for Sakura to
arrange a date between Naruto and Hinata. After they discovered that Sasuke had
killed both Orochimaru and Itachi, time moved too quickly and Konoha was hard
pressed to keep up.
It was Kakashi and Sakura that stood beside Naruto when he was informed of
Jiraiya’s death at the hands of the Akatsuki’s leader Pein. Sakura defended
Tsunade against the accusations Naruto made against her, blaming her for
sending Jiraiya to his death. Sakura went later to Tsunade to beg forgiveness
for Naruto’s thoughtless words. She knew he was grieving and felt he needed
space before she confronted him. When she found her Shishou, Tsunade was drunk.
“Ah, Sakura! Did you come to apologize for Naruto?” she hiccupped and glared
accusingly at the bottle of sake she held in her fist. “There’s no need. He’s
right.”
“Shishou,” Sakura protested. “He didn’t mean it.”
Tsunade waved away her protest and tried to laugh it off, but it ended up being
somewhere between a gasp and sob as she remembered her last conversation with
Jiraiya. “I didn’t think I could love anyone after my soulmate Dan died.” She
admitted morosely. “I didn’t want to love anyone else. Once was enough. But
sometimes your own heart betrays you.” Tsunade threw her sake bottle in a
sudden fit of rage. “And Jiraiya of all people! That perverted no-good, idiot,
foolish man! How can he do this to me? I asked him to come back, Sakura. And he
promised me he would. He promised.” Tsunade dissolved into tears, Sakura
glimpsing her true age for the first time as Tsunade forgot everything in her
grief. Sakura was frozen on the spot, unsure how to comfort her Shishou. She
moved towards her with an extended hand when Tsunade suddenly looked up and
pinned her in place with a fierce gaze. “Promise me one thing Sakura.”
Sakura swallowed hard but nodded. “Anything Shishou.”
“Promise me, when you meet your soulmate, don’t hesitate. Even if you fall in
love with someone who isn’t your soulmate, don’t hesitate. Life is too short
not to grab every moment of happiness you can, especially for a shinobi. Trust
me, Sakura. I’ve loved two men in my life. One was my soulmate and died too
soon. The other was my perverted teammate and I realized too late that I loved
him in return. I missed my chance Sakura.” Tsunade reached for her hand and
gripped it painfully. “Promise me you won’t Sakura.”
“I promise Shishou.” Sakura met her desperate gaze with a determined one of her
own. “I won’t let Kakashi go, no matter what.”
“Good,” Tsunade murmured, not comprehending anything Sakura said past her
promise. Tsunade’s shoulders slouched in sudden exhaustion. “That’s good,
Sakura.”
Shizune came into the room and sighed at what she saw. “Oh, Lady Tsunade.” She
grabbed Tsunade’s arm and pulled it over her shoulder, ready to take her to her
room.
“You too Shizune!” Tsunade yelled. “Promise me that you will go to see Genma
Shiranui and sort out this mix up!”
Shizune’s eyes rounded and her mouth opened in shock at Tsunade’s proclamation.
“Lady Tsunade! I told you about Genma in confidence!”
Sakura watched Shizune drag Tsunade out with a melancholy expression. She had
no idea that Tsunade had loved Jiraiya. Naruto had once confessed that Jiraiya
was besotted with Tsunade, even basing one of his main characters off her, but
she had no idea that he’d loved her as well. Despite her loyalty to Konoha,
Sakura wondered at the price shinobi paid to serve. Too many of them grew up
twisted and worn down and unable to seize their own happiness because of past
hang-ups. Kakashi was only another example. If Tsunade’s words were true, it
seemed that Asuma, Kurenai and possibly Gai were the only ones to make it to
adulthood relatively unscathed or at least gave the appearance of being semi-
well adjusted. As much as Sakura admired Shizune, she wasn’t willing to play
matchmaker. She had a hard-enough time trying to sort out Hinata and Naruto,
without much success.
XX
Kakashi and Sakura were separated during Pein’s assault, Sakura to help at the
hospital with the many injured, and Kakashi to face off with one of the paths.
Sakura worried about Kakashi, but she trusted in his abilities and hoped that
Naruto would arrive soon to ease his burden. She focused on healing the dozens
upon dozens of injured shinobi and civilians that arrived at the hospital and
ignored the tight knot of fear that had started to gather in her chest.
War was nothing less than cruel and merciless in Kakashi’s opinion. He knew
there were shinobi dying around him, but he could not save them all and he
couldn’t focus on saving them when he was hard-pressed to complete his own
mission. To find that there were six paths was almost more than the village
could handle as everything they loved was destroyed around them. Kakashi was
backed by Choza and his team, as well as Choji, Asuma’s old student. They beat
the Asura path but were quickly overwhelmed by the Deva path. Kakashi
understood that this would be a fight to the death. And he wasn’t sure what
side he would end up on. Choza’s entire team fell, until there was only Kakashi
trapped in the rubble and too weak to break free. Choji lived and it was the
only hope Kakashi had to warn Tsunade and possibly save the remaining village
from Pein.
“Run Choji!” he implored. Run and live. It was what Asuma would have wanted.
As the missile fired by the Asura path chased Choji, Kakashi used the last of
his chakra to warp away the missile with Kamui. He could immediately feel his
chakra paths shutting down and he knew that he’d gone too far and could go no
farther.
“I’m sorry Sakura.” Kakashi’s head fell forward, his eyes shutting to the sight
of Sakura’s smiling face and he knew no more.
XX
His father was just as he remembered, with a broader face and deeper laugh
lines than Kakashi. They were said to resemble each other, and they did with
their silver hair and dark eyes, but Minato often said that Kakashi resembled
his mother even more. His mother had dark hair and grey eyes and could be
considered plain at first glance but Sakumo told Kakashi that first appearances
were always deceiving, and his mother was the most beautiful woman he’d ever
met. Her skin was fair and clear, her nose delicate and straight. Her lips were
full and often quirked into a crooked smile that matched Kakashi’s own. When
Sakumo used to stare at Kakashi with tenderness, he knew that his father saw
his mother in his face.
“I miss your mother still, Kakashi,” the ghost of his father told him with
regret. “Sometimes I forget what she looks like, waiting here. You’ve helped me
remember.”
“I’m sorry for hating you for so long, Father.”
“I never blamed you for that,” Sakumo reassured him. “You took my death so
hard, after all.”
“I understand why you chose to save your comrades,” Kakashi whispered. “And I
think it was the right decision. I’m proud of you for it.”
Sakumo’s eyes widened in disbelief and he smiled sadly. “But can you forgive me
for it and for everything else?”
“I have,” Kakashi promised. “I thought I wouldn’t be able to, but recently I
realized that you did your best and I had to let go of my resentment.”
“But you’re still here,” Sakumo said unhappily. Here being a place of regrets
and unfulfilled dreams.
“Yes,” Kakashi agreed thinking of Sakura. He’d promised to be there for her and
now she was alone. Sixteen years old and he wouldn’t be able to save her from
this heartbreak. Not this time. “I made a promise and I won’t be able to keep
it now.”
Sakumo’s took in his son’s broken expression mournfully. “I had hoped that you
would have a soulmate, so you could have someone to look after you.” Sakumo
said. “But this must be hard for them. You’re too young.”
“Her name is Sakura,” Kakashi laughed bitterly at the irony of his father’s
words. “She’s sixteen.”
“I see.” Sakumo said. “Despite not being there to watch you grow up, I know
what’s going on in that head of yours Kakashi. Does she know you’re her
soulmate?”
“Yes,” Kakashi confirmed. “And we we’re going to wait until she was older for a
relationship. But I’m not a good man. Sometimes I couldn’t wait. I know what
her lips taste like, I know what it feels like to hold her as she sleeps in my
bed. I don’t think I could have stood by if she chose someone over me, no
matter how much I told myself I would step back.” Kakashi laughed shakily. “I
want her to be happy, but I want her to be happy with me.”
Sakumo nodded knowingly. “It’s the nature of the marks and the bonds that are
formed with them. Fate has dealt you a cruel blow son but you’re not a bad
person for wanting your soulmate.”
Kakashi rejected his father’s words with a shake of his head. “She was twelve
years old when I met her and my student. I could barely wait until she was
fifteen before I kissed her. It wears on me every day that she’s there and I
must hide what she means to me. When she’s hurt, when she’s crying, it can’t be
my place to step into that role and comfort her.”
Sakumo sighed at his son’s turmoil. “I’m sorry, Kakashi. It seems that you and
I will be stuck here for a while.” Perhaps until his soulmate died and could
absolve him of his sins as Sakumo could not.
“If only I’d had a few more years,” Kakashi wished selfishly.
“And one day you will come to terms with that,” Sakumo assured him. “You have
all the time in the world in this place, and I won’t leave you alone as I was.”
Even if his regrets had been assuaged by his son, he couldn’t bear to leave him
in this place alone.
“Thank you, Father, for everything but you don’t need to stay with me. Mother
has waited long enough for you.”
“Kakashi, my son.” Sakumo reached over and stroked his hair affectionately.
“I’m so proud of the man you’ve become, and I’m sure that Sakura is too.”
They fell into a comfortable silence, and Kakashi contemplated the battle with
Pein. He hoped Naruto had arrived and that Sakura was safe. She deserved to
live a long life and he hoped she did. It seemed like only moments passed, and
as Kakashi was resigning himself to spending an eternity alone, no matter what
his father said, he felt a strange tug on his body. He heard his father’s gasp
and frowned in confusion as he was bathed in a green light and lifted into the
air while his father remained seated.
“What’s happening?”
Sakumo smiled in delight, “It seems like its not your time. Say hello to Sakura
for me.”
Kakashi’s eyes met his and he felt sorrow at losing his father again so soon.
“Father.”
“Thank you for forgiving me Kakashi. Now I can move on in peace.”
Kakashi’s eyes closed against the sudden pain that enveloped him, his father’s
voice following back into the dark. “I’ll finally be able to see your mother.”
I’m coming Sakura.
XX
Despite Sakura’s best efforts, people were dying around her and she wasn’t
saving enough of them. Everything was in chaos and she had no idea where
Shizune, Kakashi or anyone else was. Lady Katsuya enveloped her just as the
town seemed to collapse and be swept away around her, until nothing of the
village remained standing.
It was in the middle of this that a sharp pain lanced in her back and Sakura
fell to her knees in shock. She cried out as her heart seemed to stop for a
moment, her breath catching at the searing pain. Kakashi!She could feel her
back pulsing and she thought of Kurenai-sensei’s mark changing after Asuma-
sensei’s death. Despair threatened to overwhelm her, her eyes squeezing shut to
contain the tears that had started to fall. It couldn’t be. He wouldn’t leave
her now. For a moment the world went black, her vision darkening and her throat
tightening against the sobs that tried to escape her lips.
“Naruto…hurry!” A cry was ripped from Sakura’s throat as she thought of
Kakashi’s lifeless body somewhere in this rubble. “Please, Naruto!” Please
bring him back.
It was then that he appeared as if in answer to her pleas, riding on the
shoulder of Gamabunta in his sage robes, deep in the crater that was once
Konoha. Sakura felt her heart fill with hope despite the blinding pain. Naruto
was here, and only he could save them.
XX
Hinata had never considered herself brave or strong. Yet she’d been watching
Naruto from a young age, inspired by the confidence and determination he held
onto so tightly despite everyone treating him like he was worthless. She’d
looked at the boy he was and knew that above everything, she wanted to be like
him. But she’d been a coward, too afraid to go against her clan’s wishes and
befriend Naruto. Too afraid to upset her father further when she should have
taken Naruto’s hand from the first moment and clung on tight no matter who
tried to pull them apart.
It still amazed Hinata that someone as strong and brave and so very worthy as
Naruto could be her soulmate. She did not deserve to stand beside him yet, and
perhaps she never would, but she would continue chasing him, honing her
abilities and training until she’d attained the respect of her family and would
finally be noticed by Naruto. His eyes were focused on Sakura, his heart set on
a woman who could not love him, but Hinata was determined to show him that she
would love him more and she would never be ashamed of him. It was her hope that
Naruto would finally see her and realize that he could care for her. She could
not hope to gain his heart, as he seemed to give a piece of it to every friend
he made, supporting them when they needed him most. She hoped that she could
gain his affection at the very least and maybe one day he would look at her and
realize that she could make him happy and give him the family he’d always
yearned for.
In his battle with Pein, Hinata watched Naruto as she always had, worried for
his safety even as she admired how strong he’d become in his absence. He was
always getting stronger, always achieving some new level of ability every time
Hinata saw him. For awhile it seemed that he had the upper hand with so many
standing beside him and supporting him. But slowly the battle took a turn for
the worse and Naruto was weakening under Pein’s constant onslaught. Hinata
watched in fear as Naruto was struck down and pinned in place cruelly. His pain
was her own, and she clenched her fists as each blade was driven into his body
to hold him in place. She couldn’t let this happen to him. She wasn’t ready,
could never be ready to face someone as strong as Pein, but she couldn’t watch
Naruto be defeated. She was jumping to defend him before anyone realized what
was happening.
XX
Naruto was tired. Training, he was always training and there always seemed to
be someone new that was trying to destroy Konoha and everyone he held dear.
This time they’d succeeded in leveling the village and stealing one of his most
precious people, Kakashi-sensei. He wanted to grieve, to cry for the man that
had taught him so much and cared for him so deeply. But he had to focus on Pein
and the fight for the surviving citizens of Konoha. Despite what he needed to
do, he couldn’t help remembering Kakashi ruffling his hair and smiling at him
with his familiar eye-crease. His sensei was dead, and it felt like too much
after the death of Jiraiya as well. Slowly the people he considered family were
being ripped from him and he was helpless to stop it.
When Pein finally had him pinned to the ground, taunting him for his dream of
peace that Jiraiya had passed on to him, Naruto was close to giving up. Wasn’t
Pein right? The harder he worked for peace, the more people seemed to oppose
him, the more the people he surrounded himself with died. Could Pein really be
the answer? As Pein moved to strike him down and complete his vision of peace,
Naruto felt the sudden presence of Hinata as she intercepted Pein.
He watched with dismay as she was thrown around like a ragdoll, not able to do
anything against Pein’s power. Anger built in his chest every time Hinata hit
the ground. He begged her to leave but she wouldn’t listen and he despaired as
she repeated his own Nindo to him, determined despite the blood that trickled
from her mouth, despite the shaking of her limbs and the visible pain etched in
the determined grimace on her face. He’d always considered Hinata weird, but in
that moment he realized she was beautiful and strong in her own way. His
soulmark seemed to burn with every hit Hinata took and Naruto felt his anger
threatening his control on the Nine-tails as Pein threw Hinata away from him
again and again. Naruto’s eyes met hers for a final time, and she managed a
smile just for him before she was thrown for the last time. Naruto watched with
horror as Pein impaled Hinata with one of his blades. The burn of his mark
seemed to spread throughout his entire body, and his vision went red as Hinata
gasped and fell still.
“Hinata!”
I love you Naruto.
XX
Naruto’s fight with Pein seemed to last an eternity to Sakura, but she focused
on finding Hinata who’d run off so recklessly and healing her. Tears fell from
her cheeks when she finally found her friend’s prone body. Had she lost another
friend? She dropped to her knees and searched for Hinata’s pulse, sighing with
relief. It was weak, but it was there.
“Oh Hinata. What were you thinking?” she chided her as she worked on healing
her. “I know you love Naruto but to go this far?” Her voice quieted as she
considered it. Wouldn’t she do the same for Kakashi? If there had been any
chance to save him, wouldn’t she have jumped in just as recklessly? Sakura
sighed and hoped for the best for Naruto and Hinata.
It was only when Fukasaku’s eyes shot open and he gasped that Sakura realized
that Naruto had succeeded in his fight against Pein. She focused on healing
those around her and ignored the rejoicing and hugging that surrounded her. She
couldn’t get her hopes up. Not when her heart still ached, and fear was still
sitting heavily on her shoulders.
XX
Kakashi wanted to find Sakura the moment he awoke. He comforted a crying Choji
and stood weakly to his feet. He took off as soon as his legs could hold his
weight. The urge to run straight to Sakura was overwhelming but he caught
Naruto’s scent in the wind and switched directions.
He came across Naruto just in time as he fell forwards with exhaustion,
catching him against his back. “Rest Naruto. You deserve it.” Kakashi insisted,
hauling Naruto onto his back as if he was a child.
“Kakashi-sensei,” Naruto cried weakly, “I’m so happy you’re alive.”
Kakashi soothed him with soft croons as Naruto buried his face in Kakashi’s
shoulder and cried. “It’s okay Naruto. Everyone is okay. You did good.”
Kakashi carried Naruto towards their decimated village, voices growing louder
as they walked. They cleared the trees and the sight of hundreds of people
greeted them. Kakashi’s eyes focused on Sakura’s tear-stained face, heart
aching at her swollen eyes. He set Naruto down carefully and watched with pride
as the village cheered for the Hero of Konoha. He could tell that Naruto didn’t
know how to deal with the sudden and overwhelming admiration of the villagers
and shinobi but Sakura had gained his full attention as she ran towards them.
Naruto’s eyes brightened as he spotted her and then widened in surprise as she
surpassed him entirely and threw herself into Kakashi’s arms. Kakashi fell
backwards, using his chakra to slow his momentum as he fell on his ass.
“Kakashi,” Sakura wept against his neck as her arms wrapped around his neck.
“You came back.”
Kakashi wrapped one arm around Sakura’s waist and stroked her hair with his
free hand, clutching her to him just as desperately. “Of course, I did.” He
pressed a kiss to the side of her head and breathed her in. He thought he’d
never get to do this again and he didn’t care what anyone thought.
Her face pressed into curve of his neck, tears seeping into the fabric of his
mask as she cried in delayed grief and aching relief that he was alive. He
didn’t know how long they sat there, Sakura’s face hidden against his shoulder
as she sobbed, and his lips pressed to her hair as he murmured words of
reassurance only she could hear. The only word she could offer in return was
his name repeated until her cries quieted.
It wasn’t until she fell silent that Kakashi took notice of their position. He
was sitting on the ground, legs stretched in front of his and an arm banded
around her back. She was sitting with her knees splayed to either side of his
hips, fingers buried in his hair. His lips were still pressed into her hair,
her own mouth pressed against his neck with parted lips, her breath dampening
his mask as well as her tears. 
Naruto pulled away from the villagers and approached them hesitantly, confused
at the picture they made.
“Oi, what are you doing to Sakura, Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto demanded.
Sakura’s face heated and her arms dropped from around Kakashi. Kakashi helped
her to her feet and stood up stiffly as well, greeting Naruto as if he and
Sakura hadn’t just been clinging to each other.
“Ah, Naruto. I want to thank you for reviving me,” Kakashi said with a bow of
his head. “Death was not an experience I was ready for it seems.” At Sakura’s
stifled gasp of grief Kakashi wrapped his arm around her shoulder on the
pretense that he needed support. Sakura caught on quickly and urged him to lean
on her.
Naruto squinted suspiciously between the two of them but his joy at
successfully beating Pein and reviving Kakashi overwhelmed his momentary
suspicion. He hugged Kakashi awkwardly, wrapping his arm around Sakura’s.
“I’m glad you’re okay Kakashi-sensei.”
The three of them stood there together, wrapped around each other and taking
comfort quietly. Naruto figured he understood why Sakura was in Kakashi’s arms.
He’d died and it must have been just as hard for her as it had been for Naruto.
They were family and it felt nice to be with his family.
XX
Hinata watched Naruto hugging Sakura and Kakashi with a sad smile. She’d seen
Sakura jump into Kakashi’s arms but everyone else was occupied with Naruto’s
return and the fallen shinobi. It wasn’t particularly damning as Naruto
eventually made his way to them and joined their huddle, but Hinata was happy
for them. She stared at Naruto wistfully. Despite everything she’d said, it
seemed like Naruto hadn’t processed a single word. He’d greeted her with a
happy smile and a warm hug, pleased to see her alive and well but he’d made no
mention of her declaration of love for him. His attention was easily captured
by someone else and Hinata faded in the background as she always did, watching
Naruto’s success with pride and joy at every accomplishment but always a step
behind.
Hinata watched the joyful reunions that surrounded her, smiling as Shizune was
picked up by Genma and swung around. She averted her eyes politely as Genma
pulled her in for a passionate kiss. Ayame burst to the front of the crowd, her
eyes wild as she searched for Lee. Lee was quick to spot her and rushed to her
side, pulling her close in an exuberant embrace. Hinata’s eyes widened in
disbelief as Tenten seemed to notice the amount of people kissing around her
and turned to Neji who was standing contentedly by her side and yanked his head
down for a kiss. Hinata giggled as Neji’s face reddened but he made no
objection to the kiss.
Her eyes returned with longing to Naruto who was talking animatedly with Sakura
and Kakashi-sensei. What was it that Kakashi-sensei said to her about Sakura?
She smiled as it came to her. As long as Naruto was happy, Hinata could never
be sad.
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks for reading! I covered quite a bit in this chapter so I hope
     the pace wasn't too forced for anyone, especially the second half of
     the chapter. The next chapter will hopefully be the last.
End Notes
     I did put some thought into the soulmarks. Can you guess who
     everyone's soulmate is by their marks?
     I will post the rest when i complete it. Thanks for reading!
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