Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/7666552. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage Category: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other Fandom: ジョジョの奇妙な冒険_|_JoJo_no_Kimyou_na_Bouken_|_JoJo's_Bizarre_Adventure Relationship: um_-_Relationship, a_lot_this_is_a_mess_lmao Character: all_o_them_tbh, Original_Male_Character(s) Additional Tags: this_is_a_joke_pls_dont_take_this_srsly, meghan_and_i_wrote_this_on_a whim, thi_s_is_an_entire_crack_fic_fucking_mess_and_completely_just_the worst_thing_u_will_ver_read, this_is_hte_my_immortal_of_jjba_but_just_one chapter, oh_my_god_i_kinda_want_to_write_a_my_immortal_fic_now_lmao, anyways_this_is_shit Stats: Published: 2016-08-03 Words: 1615 ****** The One True JJBA Fic ****** by lubemonster Summary pelase dont take any o this seriosuly oh my god anyways meg and i wrote this and its crack and horrible and theres lie one mention of rape and underage and just lots of sex mention and horrible language and slurs?? pls dont take ANGY of this seirously im so sorry oh my god also we wrote this in google docs and they were on their phone so its an absolute fucking mess im so oryr lmao Okay these r te author notes bcus i might post this on ao3 if we ever finish lmao Author Fucko (me): okay my oc is Kenta Noburu and his stand is Elastic Heart (going with song/band title theme okay) and it can stretch its limbs like u know it has elastic powers lmao (bcus his last name means "extend") and it can also control whoever it latches onto kinda like dios flesh buds while draining the fluids out of the person bcus its like slimy/goo like the goo girls from coc bcus i said so but also rubbery?? bcus i can and hes hot and gay and everyone loves him Author Dickshit (meghna): fuck it okay his name is Abraham George Hector and if we're going w/ song names for stands then his stand is thrift shop and it dances and raps at people and steals their money and then it goes and buys shit at thrift stores with the money and then it comes back and tries to kill the enemy w/ whatever it bought. but like it moves rlly fast so it can go like across the world and get like a gun or smth but bc it's jjba the stand also powers up whatever item he uses by a lot so he doesn't suck Okay so heres the deal, ill lead u dont need to put ur author name or use the color uve been designated unless u want to lmao here we go darn it howdo I chat I don't know how DONF DELETE IT It was a fine, british fucking bloody shit mornign becaue it was reaining and ans if was ranjng poop also shit bcus thats like england, mates. Stop meghan it wasnt fuckign RAINGEAH KG WAS SHIT FHE FUCK UP I JUST NOTICED TOI SAID LIKE THEGOOGJRKS GRKM COC. THAT'S SO FAYPO OP Nayways our heroes were taking a fine walk outside the hoestar manor weh n!!!!a uckign wagon or carriage or whatever appears and this sexy blnde dude walks out but ehs 12 so hes not sxy okay sh were not pedos Anywas kenta goes “Goly shit dude tha t guys so hot hes blonde how idd i get here what kind of coloni alis m brought me here”I'M TRYING Abraaham write ur line nw “ wow dude you sure are gay but I'm going to get to dio firsy just waych me” and dont be mean he has a lisp “Ur struglging man and yeah im super hay i like peb is O W NO U WONST” i used to power of m y stand to get to him first ‘ gy dio ur ghot i like u” btu then he fuckign KIL S JONATHANS DOG and kenta goes “ wat the fu ck dude okay listen we cat b e togehter anymo abe starts to cry because he lovesdogs. ore sorry bye im a furry” Abe fucigkm DIES He dies with danny the end no that's shit But KENTSS STAND BRIGNS HIM BACK NO HIS OWN STAND BRJNVS HIM NACK IT'S MACKLMEOREAnyways jonrahtnsan is like “wow how lie. .. ocool an hot of u im not straight anymore” and thy fucking fuck and its dirty and hot And eriann wait whk wasatrteiagsees this is hard. “wh att the fuck man i thought we were maried but i goes not” Now its ur turn   Just stay o separate lines okay and write whatever its hard because i can't tab on my phone SAY OFF MY LINE SGAY IN YOUR FUCKNG LANE abe goes “dude we should fucking kill erina but wait that would fuck up the timeline tho right” “who's gonna find Lisa Lisa as a child “ Kenta goes “i k nwo erina sorry but hes gay fro me now but u can be our surrogate nmother like the trolls and the mother grub or whatver i cant reenver homestuck lol” hten he goes “YAH FUCKING LETSKILL HER” and timeleins mean onthign t me listen mpreg “Me, dude. Lsiten its me ad speedwagon bcus jonathan dies in real life okay he DIES” no it should be abe Amogrwd bc he's trans and it MAKES SENSE SO NOBODY HAS TOBIRTH FROM THEIR ASSHOLES be wo births or findm Ho kay good wait fuck u im gnna continue t he fucking JOESGTAR LIKNE U SULT Anyways kenta has george II George thags my middle name says abe Jon fuckng died and erina AND FINE OKAY GEROGE ABE JOESTAR and erina like got murdred b a po is FUCK I'M TRYING neod berry in her vagina vaginas are gross says abeTAY OFF YM FUCKING LINE aabagahahajajajJAAJJAJAAHAHAHABANANO“yteah i like penivs” ktnna bcus hes ay esNNnNNNNNNNananamamamaamam abe screams “ Sorry i just had to get that out STOP“ ANANANAVBAVAVAVAGAHABJAJAJANFBDBDNDNDBSBSBSNS z “SHUT T najananaAAAAAAAAAAAAAQAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUP OKAY AUTHOR FUCKGINGIE ENGOINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA   I shoudlv wAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArote this iwhotuu u traitorus lSUTAAAAAAAAAAAAA Tis iMNO IT'S NOT YEAH ITANAKWBDHDSHAJAJAJAJAAJAJANAs my IMORTAL OKAY THINS ISS MY ME IMORTALNAAAAAAAAA u BINCH i leAAAAAAAAt u in this hoAAAAAAAAAAAAue i trust u i AND U DO THIS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA anwyas lets continue with the storyTTAAAAAAAAAabw has a scramjnf podon't bead st him it's not his fsukt m. do why is this all about kenta. Abe is a really important charcager too ICANT ON MY PHONE IT'S SO HARD NO I DON'T WANT RO IT'S 3AM Okay so kenta meets joseph and jojo tries to fight him but kenta goes “ge y bro stop liten i was lovers with ur grandpa and he told me to rptoect u” BCUS UR NOT FUCKING TYPING ANYTHING HJUST KEEP TYPIG ON THAT LINE LEAVE ME ALONE GT ON UR LAPTOP U CUNT “okay “ jojo says nad thne they fuck and then seedagon join in Oh shit we forgot oh shit wassup sopendwagon Suspended Blocked Reported SEEDAGON Anyways Casar emets the and liek “ what the fcu u pigs u SLUTS im fne here” but then he ucks kentas PEB IS “O h no man that was ur o nly hope oh well its okay he was gonn ei anyways” says da Wagon   and abe goes “MAN i wish i was important to the story” hey I'm typing on my own line dont get madat me STO; [P Fuck I want some f8cuugin IC CREAM “Ur jsut a fugly gay abe no one lovesu “ and he suses elastic heart to slap the fuc kout of ape APE ape NOOOO OOOOO ABW SCREAMS AND HE USES HIS STAND ANSMACKLE MORE JUMPS OUT ANS STEALSKENS FJCMING MONEY ANDHE GETS A GUN ANS HE SHOOTS HIM HE'S DEAD KENTA IS DEADkeep UFCK YOU WHAT THE FUC HOW DAR EYOU Naywasy they bea tht eoillar men but not before kenta has filtyh se with all of the mand also saves santana and trns evil and becomes dios mentor and marries santana AND STIP TRYING TO SHOOT MY OC UR FUCKERING ELASTIC HEART SAVES HI M KENTA IS INVINCIBLE AND IMMORTAL NAD NO ONE CAN STOP HIM Anhywyas. NO BUT HSI HUN IS PIWERES UO,,, THE GUN STOPS TJE STAND IT STOPS ELASTIC HEART AND HE DJES KENTA IS DEADHE IS SO DEAD RIHJT NOW “I lov u” syas vanila ice cream and they also marry STOP WHAT THE FUCK ARE HOL HORSE FUCKO FF WITH OUR GUN STAND OAKY anyways they all get arried and oingo an d boingo r spared and rOINGO escued but tthen KAKOYING joings nad THRTS RACIST AGAINST OINGOS   whag ifi just deleted alltour hard work   NOOO I'M SORRY I'm srill gonna murder what the fuck there's rape nowbben that's fjcked uo Kanoyking also hgets married but then joatrao jidnaps him and makes him good again and that rlly makes mkenta angry DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT DONT fckgin DOO IT I DDARE YOU THATS WHAT I THOGUTBH BTIUCH Anyways ktojaito raped kakoying and eknta is like “u ,, , how a=dare ,, u o,, thi ,, toe me,,, where am i,, wht is this lace,, that ia m in,,,,’ and sakura from sugoid quest for kokro show sAAAAAAAAA YOU HAVE NEKO POWERSu pand urses her nejo powers t YK INGN MRDER MEGHAN BCUS U FJUCKGIN SCK LAMOA aahahaAHAHAHAAHAHA anwyay lmal rhanks s actually that was a god aditiodn good job So kenta like mruders jtoaro and thats the reak body ddio steald andthen he creeateda clon of jotansro and thats whos in aprt 4 and why did u just do that Anyways u m fuck avdol is alive and evil and also married to kenta and polnareff is uFCKGIN DEAD BCUS I BATE HIM and iggy is theyr peet NAD TEHRES NO TIRED ANYMOERE WE NEED TO POWER THROUGH THIS Im a rite RIP TIRE READY RRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR *exlposedon meghna nd fucking kills them* I'mtored Anyways part 4 everyone becomes evil nad marries kenta Same with part 5 but also DIAVOLO FUCKING DIES BCUS I HAR HIM And then in part 6 koylen and hermes and foo r all alive and lesbians otgether and clone jotaro dies bcus its rlly cute I naprt 7 iego fucks kenta and theyr all dinoasaurs and jonny wins the sbr an gyro lives and then funny valentien also joins and theres a rlly big orgy oAPRT 8 and fuckingj osefumi srory i mean osuek and his 4 balls and ge nuts all inside of mkenta the end e veryine is happy OH SHIT BY THE Wy caesar married them all too but then he and jos I'm backeph killed themselves to be together goreverkh my gkd thats geyehy finall i finished the fanfic what to uthink thats sio cute it's good bye ik lmao listen BYE U BITHC UN CIBINH B I C T H bitch anyways the end giw do ifuckign remobe u Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!