Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/7902961.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      終わりのセラフ_|_Owari_no_Seraph_|_Seraph_of_the_End
  Relationship:
      Hyakuya_Mikaela/Hyakuya_Yuuichirou, Crowley_Eusford/Hyakuya_Mikaela,
      Lacus_Welt/Rene_Simm/hyakuya_Mikaela
  Character:
      Hyakuya_Mikaela, Hyakuya_Yuuichirou, Hiiragi_Shinoa's_Squad, Ichinose
      Guren, Hiiragi_Shinya, Crowley_Eusford, Lacus_Welt, René_Simm, Krul_Tepes
  Additional Tags:
      Fluff_and_Angst, Explicit_Sexual_Content, Adopted_Sibling_Incest,
      Suicidal_Thoughts, Suicide_Attempt, Sexual_Tension, Brotherly_Love,
      Guren's_A+_parenting, Emotional/Psychological_Abuse, Child_Abuse, Running
      Away, Emotional_Hurt/Comfort, Hurt_Mikaela, Binge_Drinking, Drug_Use,
      Masturbation, Loss_of_Virginity, Loss_of_Innocence, Alternate_Universe_-
      Modern_Setting, Alternate_Universe_-_College/University, Homophobic
      Language, Character_Death, Polyamory, Double_Penetration
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-08-30 Updated: 2017-07-05 Chapters: 20/? Words: 66766
****** The Light in the Darkness ******
by Channery
Summary
     He couldn't deny what this was anymore. He loved Yuu-chan, much more
     than was appropriate for family. And he felt sick with it. He’d loved
     Yuu for years, but never knew the weight of what that love meant.
     Never knew it would claw at his chest and twist in his guts and stir
     in his loins. He never knew loving his brother would hurt so much.
Notes
     Trying to get back into the writing game. This idea just popped into
     my head. It's a bit dark, as you can see by the tags. But for some
     reason, I've really been enjoying the darker fics lately.
     So here's my contribution to that. Sorry if it sucks. It's been a
     while.
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Prologue *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Mikaela wasn't sure when the attraction started. It could have been upon first
meeting Yuuichiro, when they were 8 years old and the stubborn, jaded boy
refused his offer of friendship. He’d beat him up that day as a display of
dominance since he was the oldest boy in the orphanage and the new kid was too
far up on his high horse; thinking he didn't need anybody even when Mika knew
that Yuuichiro truly did need a friend.
It could have started the day Mika caught a glimpse of his friend butt naked as
he hurriedly dashed from the bathroom to his bedroom because he forgot his
towel. Granted; they were both only 10 at the time and Mika hadn't got to fully
appreciate seeing his friend in the nude. But what he  had  seen was forever
burned in his mind.
They were 12 when Guren Ichinose came to the orphanage. He’d wanted to adopt
Yuuichiro because the boy had a strong spirit and a light behind his eyes that
he intended to use for his own personal gain. That of which Yuu hadn't been
aware of at the time. But when Director who’d taken care of them at the
orphanage told him that Guren wanted to adopt him, Yuu refused to leave. Guren
came down to the orphanage after hearing about the boy’s refusal to speak with
him. He was kind, but firm as he puzzled out the child’s reasoning.
“Don't you want a new family, Yuu? You don't want to spend the years until you
turn 18 as an orphan, do you?”
“I have a family. Mika is my family! I’m not just going to abandon him and
leave him all alone!”
Guren was a bit surprised at the young boy’s level of devotion to his friend. A
trait he found admirable for someone so young. But Yuu was still naive. “Mika
might be adopted soon as well. What will happen if he decides to go with a new
family and leave you behind?”
The boy’s expression grew pained. “If he wants to leave then that's fine. As
long as he’s happy. But  I’m  not going to leave here without him.”
Mikaela had listened to their conversation from the hallway with tears in his
eyes and a fluttering in his heart that made him feel fuzzy inside. That was
the day he’d fallen in love with his best friend, before his young mind even
knew what love  was.  All he knew was that it felt good to  have  this feeling,
and it was because of Yuu-chan that he was feeling this way. The prospect of
being separated from him was terrifying. If someone came to adopt Mika, he
would follow suit. He wouldn't leave this place without his most precious
friend.
After Guren left that day, the two boys thought that that’d be the last of him.
Mika had lectured Yuu, telling him he was crazy for turning down the
opportunity to have parents again, even though he was secretly thrilled.
Yuu had punched Mika in the side of the head. “Idiot! We’re family! You don't
abandon your family!”
He rubbed his head where had punched him and smiled. “We don't abandon family.”
He agreed as a promise.
 
***
 
Guren ended up returning a week and a half later, agreeing to the boy’s terms.
He adopted Mikaela and Yuuichiro that day.
Mika felt like an imposter, like he wasn't really wanted and he was just the
bitter necessity that came with the child the man actually wanted.
Guren didn't tell him as much when he’d brought them home. He offered Mika an
equally nice room, though the orphans preferred to share a bedroom like they
had in the orphanage. All the boys slept in one large room and didn't feel
comfortable sleeping alone in separate spaces. As odd as it was to Guren, he’d
allowed it for the sake of their comfort, understanding that too much change
would stress the kids out.
Guren’s house was large and had a spacious yard for them to run and play in.
The man was an officer in the military whose wife had died during childbirth,
and the baby hadn't made it. That was a year before he’d decided to adopt.
Wanting the opportunity to raise the son he had lost with his beloved wife. But
he’d feared adopting a baby. He knew nothing about babies and couldn't afford
to retire his ranks to raise one. But he knew about kids. He’d babysat his
young nieces and nephews enough to be comfortable with the notion of taking
care of one or two of his own. The two boys now in his charge were the same age
as his oldest niece, Shinoa, who frequently visited with her father and Guren’s
closest friend, Shinya Hiragi. Shinoa had spent even more time at Guren’s house
now that he had two new kids for her perform hijinks on.
 
***
 
When Mika first met Shinoa, he was wary of her mischievous smirk and larger
than life personality. In a way, she reminded him somewhat of Yuu. Though, she
was a hell of a lot more sneaky and sly. She had a quick wit that Mika found
admirable, and Yuuichiro found annoying as hell. But for the most part, they’d
gotten along.
 
***
 
They both entered started school in the fall along with everyone else that
year. Guren had enrolled them into the same high quality school as Shinoa was
going to. Mika didn't really care either way if she was there or not. As long
as he and Yuu were together.
Although the friends they’d made at school were all good people, Mika couldn't
help but begin to feel jealous. As if they were trying to steal away his best
friend. Mika began to draw into himself, becoming much more quiet and reserved
as he matured into a sullen teenager. While Yuu became more outgoing and quick
to laugh and cared deeply for the friends they’d made, even going so far as to
call  them  family. Which made Mika grind his molars to dust every time he’d
hear Yuuichiro call them that.
‘I’m Yuu-chan’s family! Not them!’
 
***
 
They were 16 when Mikaela’s thoughts and feelings towards his adoptive brother
began to take on a more... less innocent  form.
They were studying in their room late one night, laying on Mika’s neatly made
bed because Yuu’s was always a disaster of twisted sheets and way too many
pillows. Mika’s own began to take on the same appearance as Yuu’s when his
brother decided to transfer his extra pillows and blankets to Mika’s bed along
with all of his books and papers.
Mika pinched his brow. “Yuu-chan, must you always be so messy? You really need
to learn how to keep your things organized. Stop messing up my side of the
room.”
Yuu stuck his tongue out. “There a method to my madness Mika. I have a system?”
“And what system is that?” Mika raised a blonde brow. “To go hunting for
everything you need at the last second?”
Yuu shrugged his shoulders, which Mika noticed, were becoming more and more
broad and muscled this year. Likely from all the sports he’d been playing. “It
keeps my mind busy.” Yuu defended.
“Well, you could be utilizing that brainpower towards your homework instead.”
Mika blushed when he realized his gaze had been roaming over Yuu’s biceps, his
arms, his chest that showed the outline of his pecs through his thin t-shirt,
the curve of his neck and the way his adam's apple bobbed while he spoke. Not
noticing Mika’s scrutiny because he was too busy rifling through his backpack
for something.
Suddenly, Mika had the mad urge to touch his brother there with his tongue. His
skin was tanned from hours spent in the sun.  He probably tastes salty... Mika
snapped his gaze away, nearly gasping at the absurdness of his own thoughts.
What the hell am I doing?!  His stomach became fluttery as warmth pooled in his
groin and hardened his penis.  Oh god!  “Get out!” Mika suddenly snapped.
Yuu’s head shot up, blinking at a red faced Mika in confusion and wondering
what the hell was wrong and why he was wrapping his arms and legs around his
pillow. “What? Why?”
“J-just go away!” He couldn't meet his eyes. “I...I need to change my clothes.”
Yuu’s brows drew together in confusion. “Since when do you care about changing
in front of me? Just go ahead and change if you wanna change. I won't look-”
“No! I-I just want you to get out!” This close proximity, with Yuu all wide
eyes and in his bed, his hair a wild mess from running his fingers through it
so much, how his muscles played under his shirt as he moved--Mika couldn't take
it. And now he was hard from his thoughts of his brother and he’d never felt so
embarrassed. He needed some time to calm down and figure out how to get rid of
his sudden erection without Yuu-chan seeing it.
Yuu stood from the bed, his face a mixture of angry and hurt. “This is  my
room too, dummy! You have a problem with changing in front of me all of sudden?
Then change in the bathroom! You can't just kick me out. I’m tired and I don't
feel like leaving.”
Mika buried his face into the pillow on his lap, grumbling something that Yuu
couldn't understand because the words were too muffled.
“Damn it Mika, what the hell has been up with you? You’ve been acting so weird
lately!” He tried to rip the pillow away from the blonde, but Mika clawed at it
to keep it in place and conceal his shameful secret. “Talk to me!”
“Ahh!” Mika shouted, shoving the pillow into Yuu’s face and causing him to trip
backwards onto the floor with a thud. Then he sprinted from the room, slamming
the door a little too loud than what was appropriate for the lateness of the
hour. He could hear Yuu shouting obscenities at him through the door. He leaned
against it for a moment, grasping the door handle in case his brother tried to
follow and continue their fight. But when he didn't, Mika exhaled a shaky
breath and scuffed to the bathroom--
Guren came out of his bedroom then, emanating fury and having been woken up,
likely by their shouting and slamming things.  Shit!  Mika placed his hands
over his still hard erection tenting his sweatpants.
“What in god’s name is going on?!” Guren thundered. The man’s temper redlined
whenever he caught Mika and Yuu fighting. “If you boys broke something again
because of your damned bickering…” He trailed off at the sight of his son
standing in the hallway, shoulders hunched and hands covering his crotch. He
knew precisely what the boy was trying to conceal. What he couldn't puzzle out
was why he was fighting with Yuuichiro with a damned boner. “Uh...everything
alright, kid?”
Mika nodded, keeping his eyes averted. “Y-yes sir. Just...have to go to the
bathroom…”
Guren pinched his brow. This wasn't exactly the stage of life he was looking
forward to. Bratty kids were one thing, hormonal teenagers were another breed
entirely. “Oh for fuck’s sake. Don't just stand there like an imbecile! Go!”
With a face as red as a tomato, Mika hurried into the bathroom and locked the
door, turning on the faucet splash cold water on his face. He looked up at
himself in the mirror, at his blown pupils and flushed cheeks.  What the hell
is wrong with me?... This wasn't the first time his body had been affected this
way. But it was the first time he actually realized  why.
Being so near his brother, who had began maturing into a young man, whose
squeaky voice had become deeper and would sometimes be husky when he first woke
up, that stubborn look in his forest green eyes when he was being competitive
and the way they’d glitter when he was happy and become squinty when he
laughed...
Mika sighed, looking down at his dick with a scowl. He couldn't deny what this
was anymore. He loved Yuu-chan, much more than was appropriate for family. And
he felt sick with it. He’d loved Yuu for years, but never knew the weight of
what that love meant. Never knew it would claw at his chest and twist in his
guts and stir in his loins. He never knew loving his brother would hurt so
much.
He reached past the waistband of his sweatpants and boxers and pulled himself
free from it’s confines. Leaning back against the wall, he made quick strokes
with his hand, desperately trying to pull his seed from his balls and get this
over with.
Mika tried, he really tried, to keep thoughts of Yuu-chan from his mind as he
worked on himself. But every time he forced his thoughts away from his brother
only prolonged his release.
Biting his lip, he closed his eyes and let his mind wander into deeper water
and consume him with fantasies of what he truly wanted.
With a jerk and a harsh sigh, he spent into his hand, harder than Mika had ever
remembered.
You’ve gone and done it now, Mika.  He would have laughed at the stray that,
had his situation not appeared so bleak. Yuu wasn't gay, and was actually very
popular with the girls because he played sports and he was funny and fun to be
around.
Mika received a lot of attention because of his foreigner looks and polite
behavior. But he’d never looked at a girl and felt the need to touch her or
kiss her. He’d tried kissing with a girl named Akane when he was younger, she’d
had a big crush on him. But Mika hadn't liked it because he didn't feel
anything for Akane. And he wasn't one to pretend he had feelings for someone.
He was better at hiding his emotions instead.
Like he’d have to do with Yuu-chan, Mika realized. Yuu was only straight, but
they were family.  Brothers,  by law of adoption. Others would frown upon their
relationship, if Yuu could ever want him in return. Which he wouldn't. Not
ever. Mika knew this. And the notion made tears prick his eyes. He didn't want
to feel this way, but it couldn't be stopped. He’d just have to bury these
urges he felt towards his brother along with the fact that he was in love with
him.
Mika cleaned up then went back to his bedroom, prepared for another
confrontation.
Instead, he was greeted with Yuu sitting in his own bed, Mika’s side of the
room was cleaned up and his bed had been remade.
“Look,” Yuuichiro began. “I’m sorry I made a mess on your bed. I won't do it
again! I promise!” He nibbled his lip. “Still hate me?”
Oh, Yuu-chan... Mika’s heart gave a pang. Yuu looked so vulnerable, so
sincerely afraid of the prospect that Mika might actually hate him. Mika closed
the door softly, giving his brother a shaky smile and went to sit on the bed
with him. Pressing their foreheads together like they’d done so many times in
the past, Mika closed his eyes and tried to will his tears away and calm his
frantically pounding heart. He felt Yuu’s hands cupping his face then.
“Hey, Mika?” Yuu said softly. “Wanna talk about it? I know you’re upset. You
can tell me ya know.”
Not with this, I can't…  “I’m fine, Yuu-chan. Just stressed is all.” He opened
his eyes to lock them with Yuu’s. “I don't hate you, idiot. I love you. You’re
my family.”
Yuuichiro looked surprised for a moment, and Mika thought that the true depth
of his love had shown through his words.
But then, Yuu’s face broke into the wide grin and he chuckled. “I love you too,
you fucking nerd.” He brought his hands up to Mika’s head to muss his hair,
making the blonde grumbled in irritation. “Remember when we were little and
used to make a tent with our blanket so the director wouldn't catch us reading
with the flashlight when we were supposed to be asleep?”
Mika smiled at the memory. “Yeah.” Mika loved those nights, cocooned in warmth,
feeling like they were cut off from the rest of the world and all there was was
himself and Yuu-chan and the story Mika would read to him. Though they hadn't
done that since coming to live with Guren.
“Think we can do that again?”
Mika blinked at him. “But, we’re not kids anymore, Yuu-chan. And we don't have
to hide under a blanket to read.”
“So?” Yuu pouted. “I just...I thought maybe if we did something we used to do
when we were kids, it would help you feel better. I know you’ve been acting sad
lately, and that I’ve been so busy with sports and hanging out with the squad
all the time. And it doesn't escape my notice that you never want to go out
with everyone. But you’re my brother and I don't want you to feel like I don't
care about you.” Yuu’s face fell, that puppy dog expression doing funny things
to Mika’s chest. “C’mon. Can't you just do me this one little favor?”
Mika rolled his eyes. “You’re ridiculous, you know that? You want me to built a
blanket tent with you just so you don't have to feel bad?”
“Yeah! I do! Gotta problem with that?”
Mika huffed. “I really can't believe you sometimes.”
That easy grin was back on Yuu’s face. “It’ll make you feel better and you know
it. Now c’mon! I’ve got a great idea!”
.
Mika had to admit, Yuu’s engineering skills weren't bad. He’d used a hook that
was screwed into the underside in the desk which was used to hold backpacks,
and removed that to screw into the ceiling above his bed. Then he got a
shoelace and tied one end to a knot he made in the center of one of Guren’s
king sized sheets and the other to the hook. In the end, it resembled a teepee
 with the opening at the foot of the twin sized bed. Their feet poked out of
the ends, but with all the pillows on Yuu’s bed, it felt cozy inside. Instead
of reading, the two opted for watching Netflix on Mika’s iPad while they lay on
their stomachs.
Mika had to admit, he felt a lot better than he had in months. A warm sense of
nostalgia washed over him as they lay so close together in their makeshift
tent, and Mika felt as if just for a little while, they truly were the only two
people in the world.
.
Yuu fell asleep before Mika did, and Mika let the movie continue to play as he
drew the blanket over themselves in Yuu’s bed. He was too afraid to go back to
his own bed. Afraid that this fuzzy, happy feeling would end if he left. That
the warmth in his heart would turn cold if he left the warmth and comfort and
the tent and Yuu’s warm body pressed against his.
He turned on his side to watch Yuu sleep, his face illuminated only by the iPad
still propped up against the headboard.
Feeling brave, or maybe a little insane, he reached out to trace his finger
over Yuu’s bottom lip. The were parted as he slumbered, slightly chapped and
warmed by hot hot breaths fanning past them. Mika wanted to know what they
would feel like, pressed against his own. What they would taste like if he
swept his tongue along the seem--
Yuu stirred a little in sleep and Mika jerked his hand back. His heart pounded
in fear that Yuu would wake a know that Mika was touching him as he slept. But
his brother only shifted to his own side and threw an arm over Mika to snuggle
in closer.
Mika squeezed his eyes shut as he felt every fiber in his body come to life,
and prayed that his body wouldn't react as it had earlier and cause him to have
to make another trip to the bathroom.
Luckily, his dick only twitched a little in interests, but was otherwise still
spent. The crazy feelings he was having in his chest overshadowed the stirring
in his groin.
Mika wrapped his own arm around Yuu, snuggling his face into Yuu’s strong
chest. He pressed a light kiss against the place over his brother’s heart. “I
love you, Yuu-chan…” Mika whispered, with all the emotions he felt for him
pouring into the simple little word. “I love you.”
 
***
 
Guren wasn't happy about having his new sheets stolen for his sons to utilize
for a damned fort. But what he was most distraught about, was the scene he had
walked into the next morning when he went to wake up his kids for school; He’s
parted the sheet open to see Yuu laying on his back, with Mika laying with his
face on his chest. The way the held each other in sleep was so... intimate,
that it made Guren’s hackles rise.
He left the bedroom with the boy’s still sleeping. He mind going round and
round as it tried to comprehend when he’d seen.
The boys were close, there was no doubt about that. But neither had displayed
signs of attraction towards each other. He was sure that Yuu was as straight as
an arrow. He was a jock, bragged about love letters he’d received from girls in
school, and showed more masculine interests. Mika on the other hand, was more
of a mystery. He’d began showing signs of depression after the age of 15. He
distanced himself from Shinoa and their other friends, and never seemed
interested in any of the girls who clearly had a crush on him. The blonde just
seemed mildly annoyed by them.
He became more and more quiet and immersed in his studies; which Guren couldn't
complain about since he was receiving some of the highest grades of his
graduating class. But the kid seemed more interested in Yuu’s life than his
own. He smiled easily around him and doted on his brother constantly, and
become overly upset when they’d bicker. True, they’d known each other since
they were 8, and had been inseparable ever since. But the air had changed
recently within the Ichinose household, and Guren had a suspicion as to why.
Last night had puzzled him, hearing them fighting then seeing Mika hurrying to
the bathroom to take care of his... issue.  Then to walk in on them in what
appeared to be a lover’s embrace?!
Guren shook his head hard. They were both fully clothed, and the room didn't
smell strange or show any signs of condoms or lube or discarded tissues in the
waste bin, so Guren was pretty positive that they hadn't had sex.
Yuuichiro, for all his gusto and confidence, was extremely shy about the topic.
Had covered his ears and droned ‘Lalala’ when Guren had attempted to have “The
Talk”, with him.  
Mika was calm, and simply nodded in understanding.
Guren couldn't decide which was more uncomfortable between the two sides of the
same coin.
But now, Guren suspected that he might have to have a very  different  sort of
talk with the boys. If they  were  gay, then they certainly needed to
understand that they were  brothers  for fuck’s sake! Not by blood, but by law
and propriety. He didn't want to go throwing accusations at the two. That would
prove disastrous. But he did need to talk with them about their sexual
orientation. 16 was a confusing age, Guren knew this. But he needed to set some
ground rules.
He also decided that maybe it was time for them to have their own rooms. They’d
wanted to sleep in the same room when they’d first come to live with him.
Sometimes they’d sleep in the same bed for comfort, and Guren hadn't batted an
eye. They were innocent children. He hadn't seen them sleep in the same bed
though for a couple of years. And between the shock of seeing them together
like that, and catching Mikaela with a stiff one last night…
It was too much. Guren needed to nip this in the bud, to put an end to whatever
was going on with them. By the way Mika had clung to Yuu in his sleep…
Guren shook the thought away. He really needed to have a talk with that boy.
And decided that today, while the kids were at school, Guren would move Mika’s
stuff out of their shared bedroom and into one of his own.
Chapter End Notes
     Check out tumblr http://miss-otakuchan.tumblr.com/
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Summary
     Guren Knows Best
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Mikaela was home earlier than Yuuichiro that day, since most days Yuu had
soccer practice or karate or whatever else he was doing that season. Which
happened to be wrestling this time. Mika would usually stay and watch his
practices, but after last night and how they’d slept in the same bed together,
Mika couldn't handle watching Yuuichiro wrestling on the ground together with
some other guy and watching his muscles flex under the tight uniforms. He’d
felt a wearying combination of arousal and jealousy. He simultaneously was
angered, and aroused, by the different positions the wrestlers had pinned each
other in.
His skin had grown too hot, and his imagination ran wild about all the
different position he himself could be pinned in…
Which disconcerted him. When Mika thought about sex, he realized more and more
that he was seeing himself as on the receiving end. And more and more, it
turned him on to think of being ravaged or whatever. It was embarrassing.
Last night, he’d come to the harsh realization that he wasn't like the other
boys. He was attracted to other boys-well one boy in particular, who happened
to be his brother. And once his mind had seized on the inevitable truth,
fantasies had ensued. And it seemed as if half of the day's situations had
popped an explicit image into Mika’s head about Yuuichiro. Afterwards, Yuu had
noticed Mika’s spacey demeanor and kept trying to pull him aside to talk to
him. When he’d finally complied, Yuu had asked him to stay after his wrestling
practice to walk home with him.
Mika had agreed, and had waited patiently like a good brother. But once his
imagination had run too wild, Mika had fled. He couldn't handle this right now.
His mind was going haywire. Yuu would probably be mad at him for ditching,
after he’d asked him to stay. But Mika would make it up to him tonight. Maybe
make him curry like they used to have in the orphanage. Mika smiled at the
thought…
He walked into his house with the thoughts of doing something nice for Yuu-chan
still making him smile, when he saw Guren sitting on the couch with a grim
expression.
“Um, hey dad.” Mika greeted, removing his shoes before stepping onto the
polished wood floor. He felt his cheeks heat at the memory of his dad seeing
him last night while he’d try to escape to the bathroom to take care of a
throbbing issue.
Guren looked up from his tablet he was reading. He had a bit of a bleary look
to those violet eyes. “Welcome back.” He said, without the usual warmth he’d
exude when welcoming his sons home.
Mika frowned after Guren looked back down at whatever he was reading, then
decided that tonight was the kind of night where he’d be hauled up in his room
studying. He usually did this to avoid his father’s wrath. It didn't happen
often, but it usually started like this. Mika could already feel the air, thick
with tension.
He opened the door to his room-- Whaa…?His things were gone. The large room had
been rearranged, with only Yuu’s belongings cleaned and organized in the space,
as if Mika’s stuff had never been there.
Mika backed away from the doorway, as if the room contained the pits of hell.
He bumped into Guren as he stepped back.
Whirling around, Mika’s eyes widened as he mouthed silent, disbelieved words.
Then he finally asked “Are you kicking me out?!”
Guren rolled his eyes. “Your room is in here now.” Guren led him to the bedroom
he’d first tried to coax Mika into taking all those years ago.
It was a bit smaller than the one he’d shared with Yuuichiro. And Mika couldn't
help but notice that his things weren't put away and organized like Guren had
done with Yuu’s things. He frowned up at Guren. “You’re separating us?” He
asked, though he knew he didn't have to. The answer was clearly in front of
him. He just needed it to be heard to make it a reality.
“You’re both 16.” Guren said. “I think you two are old enough for your
ownspaces now.”
The words sounded so normal in retrospect, but to Mika, they were nails on a
chalkboard.
Anxiety clawed at him. He didn't want to sleep in a separate room! He’d never
known anything else, other than sleeping in the company of his brother.
“But...why?!”
Guren sighed in irritation. “Go put your thing away. We need to have a little
chat.” He sauntered back to the living room.
Heart in his throat, Mika changed from his school uniform, stalling to gather
his thoughts, then unpacked some of the books that Guren had put into boxes,
then put them back in the boxes. Unpacking felt too final. He refused to resign
himself at the moment.
 
He crept back out into the living room, seeing Guren sitting back on the couch.
Mika crossed his arms over his chest defensively. “So...you wanted to talk
about something?”
Guren looked over at him, then pointed to the sofa across from himself. “Have a
seat, Mika.”
Mikaela tentatively sat, the look in Guren’s eyes made the blonde want to curl
in on himself. The scrutiny; like he was being picked apart bit by bit. It made
the little hairs on his arms and the back of his neck stand on end.
“There’s something I’ve been wondering, and I need you to be honest with me,
Mika.” Guren began. “I’ve noticed that you do not have a girlfriend. How come?
You’re a good looking kid, and I’ve seen the love letters you’ve left in your
pocket when I’d wash your clothes and find them in the dryer. So what’s the
issue? Aren't you curious about girls?”
Mika blinked at him. Was his dad seriously suggesting hehook up with a girl?
“I-I just don't like them. That's all. I can't be with someone I don't like.”
Guren raised a black brow. “Not interested in the girls who like you? Or not
interested in girls in general?”
Mika’s eyes widened, his heart raced and he felt his face heating. “W-what?”
“Just answer the question.” Guren said sternly.
His own father was calling him out?! Mika knew that the man was smart and
observant. But he hadn't made it that obvious, had he? He’d barely even
confirmed this about himself.Now he had to come out to his dad?!
Mika looked everywhere but at him as he tried to will his tears of shame away.
“I just...girls don't-I’m just not into them...I don't know why…”
“Do you know what a homosexual is?” Guren asked.
Mika flinched at the word. He knew what that word meant, he just didn't like it
being thrown at him like a label. “I’m not a moron.”
“Then is that what you are? Are you interested in other boys?”
Only one boy in particular.But Mika just shrugged in response.
Silence stretched between the two, much too long for Mika’s comfort. He glanced
up at the man. Guren’s face was a mix between impassive and sceptical.
Finally, Guren spoke. “Whatever. Where you stick your prick isn't what concerns
me.” Guren leaned forward, and Mika’s brief relief dissipated as quickly as it
came when Guren asked “Does Yuuichiro know?”
“No!” Mika gasped. “Please, don't tell him!”
“Then what were you two fighting about last night?”
This was utter extortion! Mika was getting angry. “Nothing like that! He was
just making a mess on my side of the room!”
“And fighting with your brother turned you on?” Guren almost sneered.
Holy shit. He knows!But Mika denied it. “O-of course not!” Shit, why was his
voice cracking?
“Then what was that all about? I hear you two fighting, then I come out of my
room to see you rushing to the bathroom and trying to hide your reactions. So
what’s really going on, Mika?”
Mika buried his face in his hands in embarrassment. This was degrading. Guren
was analyzing the situation, and was hitting a little too close to home for
Mika’s comfort. There's no way he could ever tell Guren his shameful secret, no
way! “I don't know!” Mika cried. “I couldn't control it! It just happened,
ok?!”
“Couldn't control it, because it involved your brother?” Mika’s face paling
gave Guren all the answer he needed. He pinched his brow, a gesture he usually
did when he was either irritated or deeply unsettled. He’d suspected this exact
thing, and he’d turned out to be right. Mika had some strange sexual attraction
to his brother. “My god, Mika...I can't believe this…”
Mika glared, even with the tears now visible in his eyes. “It’s not what you
think!”
“It’s exactly what I think!” Guren stood, anger suffusing him. “You think I was
born yesterday, kid? These…” Guren gestured toward the blonde wildly “
feelingsyou have, these urges, are unnatural as it is. But to have them towards
your family?! Your brother?!”
“We’re not blood!” Mika blurted out. And immediately regretted it. He’d just
dug his own grave. Had given his dad all the evidence he needed to condemn
him...Fuck it.Mika thought. Guren knew anyway, what was the point in trying to
hide? Especially now.
Guren stalked towards him, and Mika stood, prepared to defend himself against
whatever the man wanted to dish out. “What did you do to him, Mika? Did you
touchhim?!”
“No. Not in the way you’re insinuating--”
Guren backhanded the boy, stunning him. His cheek stung and his eye felt like
it was going to explode as his head whipped to the side. It took Mika a moment
to catch his breath, for his mind to process what had just happened. His father
had struck him. He’d spanked them as kids, but never had Guren hit them before,
and never in the face!
Mika clutched his reddening cheek in his palm, looking up at the man with
hateful, tear-filled eyes.
“You are to stay separated from Yuuichiro, understand? You are not to be alone
with him in his bedroom anymore, nor he in yours. Yuu will stay after school
for sports practice, and you will come straight home after class. If you go
places together on weekends, it will be either chaperoned, or with a group. And
I’m establishing a new curfew for you. You’re not to be out with your brother
after dark.”
Mika felt like he was going to throw up. Guren was seriously doing this?!
Treating him as if he were some kind of barbarian who'd attack his own brother
out of nowhere?! “Fuck you.” Mika said, in almost a whisper.
Guren slapped him again, hard. “You think this is a game?! What you have is a
sickness! Do you honestly think Yuuichiro would accept you if he knew about
this? You’re lucky I don't tell him!”
Mika felt his throat tighten at the thought. “No...please! Don't tell him!”
“I won't.” Guren said. “But only for hissake. Yuuichiro cares about you, since
you two have grown up together. But he’d hate you if he knew this. He’d be
disgusted!”
Mika knew this. Knew Guren was right, at least about that one thing. Yuu would
never feel the same way as Mika did about him. He’d likely try to get as far
away from him as possible if he knew how much Mika truly wanted him. Which Mika
couldn't bear. Yuu-chan can't know...not ever…
“I’ll get this between us, Mikaela. But I swear, if I catch you trying to do
something to your brother, you’re out! Gone! And I will cut you off completely!
Understand?”
Mika sniffled. “Y-yes sir.”
“Good. Now go wash your face and get your homework done. Yuu’s going to be home
soon, and I doubt you want him to see you like this.”
With a nod, he scuffed to the bathroom, rinsing away the snot and tears and
letting the cool water calm his reddened skin. If Yuu saw him like this, he’d
start asking questions. Just like he always did. Yuu was kind, and cared too
much for his own good. He always tried to help and protect his friends and
family. But Yuu couldn't protect him from this. There was no way his precious
family could help him without Mika revealing all. Then Mika would lose him. Yuu
would hate him. Guren was an asshole, but he was right. Yuu-chan would shun him
from his life. And Mika didn't think he could live with that. Could live
without Yuu-chan. He wouldn't...
Chapter End Notes
     Kind of a short chapter. These chapters likely wont all be too long.
     But I still hope you enjoyed it anyway. Or hated it, or hate me for
     making Guren an asshole. Lol.
     I have zero regrets.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Yuu was home earlier than expected that day. Mika heard him come slamming into
the house from his spot at his desk in his new room.  He’s angry.  As to be
expected, since he’d ditched him during wrestling practice.
He wondered to himself how Yuu would react once he’d discovered their new
living arrangement.
“Oi! Mika!” He heard Yuu shout from across the living room where their old room
was-now Yuu’s room. “Why the hell did you--”
There was a pause.  Here we go…
“Dad!” Yuu yelled.
“What?” Guren yelled back.
“Come here!”
The heavy footfalls of the older man echoed throughout the otherwise silent
house. Mika heard some hushed conversation. Heard Guren say something along the
lines of ‘Mika wanted his own bedroom.’ Yuu hadn't responded after that.
For a moment, Mika thought that his brother didn't care about the new
arrangement, until he heard hurried footsteps rushing towards his bedroom door.
Yuu burst in a few moments later, his face drawn in anger.
He looked around the room, at the boxes still packed, at the newly made bed, at
Mika himself sitting at his desk with his homework strewn about the surface as
if nothing was amiss.
Mika felt an unexpected pang. Even seeing his brother now, after everything
Guren had said to him, was enough to make his heart skip a beat. Even furious
as he was, Yuuichiro was still so cute, so loveable.
“Hey…” Yuu started, shifted on his feet, shoved his hands in his pockets.
Nervous gestures.
They’d never been separated like this before. Mika was feeling the same tension
as his brother. This was strange, new, it felt unnatural to be apart. And Guren
had had the nerve to claim it as Mika’s idea...But Mika supposed it was for the
best. Yuu worshiped Guren. Looked up to him. Wanted to be just like him. Mika
felt it wasn't his place to turn him against his father. He likely wouldn't
succeed anyway.
“Hey.” Mika turned back to his studies, as if nothing was amiss.
Yuu turned to shut the door, and Mika’s eyes widened, remembering Guren’s
warning. “Um, just leave it open.” Mika said. He didn't want them getting in
even more trouble. He wasn't supposed to be behind closed doors with his
brother any longer.
Yuu gave him a puzzled look, but otherwise acquiesced. “Okaay…” He trailed off,
wandered around the room, looking into Mika’s boxes of books and knicknacks,
toeing his backpack, then settled with sitting on his bed. “So? Wanna tell me
what's going on?”
Mika tensed.  No. I don't wanna tell you what's going on.  What was he supposed
to say? ‘Guren kicked me out of our room because he thinks I’m going to rape
you in your sleep’? Or how about, ‘I’m in love with you, and now Guren knows,
so we need to be seperated from now on so I’m not tempted to perv out on you
since, ya know, we’re brothers and all.’?
Mika opted for “We’re a little old to be sharing a room now.” Then added for
his own selfish curiosity, “Don’t you have a girlfriend or something anyway?
I’m sure you’d kick me out eventually so you could have some alone time with
her.” Did that sound jealous? God, he hoped not.
Yuu blinked at him, as if Mika were crazy. “Girlfriend? Mika, you know I don't
have a girlfriend.” A slight blush tinged his cheeks.  So fucking cute.  “Is
that what this is about?! Because if it is, then I can promise you that I
wouldn't kick you out to hook up with a girlfriend, even if I had one!” Yuu
shook his head. “C’mon, I’m not a  total  asshole, am I?”
Yuu’s sad looking eyes ate at Mika.  You’re not an asshole! You’re wonderful
and kind and caring and I love you so fucking much it hurts!  But he could say
none of these things. Ever. He’d never look at him like that again. Mika knew
that his brother loved him, meant the world to him. And Yuu meant the world to
Mika, even if those feelings took on a completely different nuance to Mika.
But Mika couldn't lose his brother, not ever. If this was how it had to be, to
be able to keep Yuu-chan in his life, then he’d play his part. Appeasing Guren
was the only way he’d be able to stay with him. At least, until Yuuichiro met
some girl and moved on…
At the thought, his gut twisted. It would happen eventually, Mika knew this.
And the reality of it broke his heart a little bit more. He hadn't thought of
Yuu actually meeting a girl, getting married and fathering children before.
But, being the heterosexual male that he was, it was inevitable. And Mika
needed to guard his heart as much as possible. If that meant pushing his
brother away, so that he wouldn't die of sorrow was, then that’s what needed to
be done. There were limits to his misery that even  he  felt he shouldn't
cross. Trying to keep his brother so close like they were before, was one of
them.
“Yuu-chan.” Mika sighed, feigning irritation. “It’s not like that. Look, you
have your own thing going on, and I’ve got mine. You have your sports and your
friends and your messy habits, and I’ve got my own thing too. You’re too messy
and loud and always in my space, I can't ever study when you’re on your side of
the room playing video games! I want to get into a good University. And sharing
a space with you makes it difficult to keep myself organized! And when you do
eventually get a girlfriend, it’s going to be extremely awkward with me being
in the same room that you’re banging her in!”
Yuu frowned, growing irritated as well. “I told you I was sorry. We built a
tent together!...” That hurt look in Yuu’s eyes became more prominent, tearing
Mika’s heart to shreds. “I thought...I thought I made you feel better...You
really want to get away from me that badly?!”
Shit...this wasn't going well. Yuuichiro was ‘guilt-tripping’ him now. Tugging
at his heartstrings. His brother knew just how to make Mika melt for him. The
sadness he’d display and the pain in his words, made Mika feel like the worst
person in the world. Which he already was, he’d concluded.  It’s better this
way... Mika tried to convince himself before saying “No, Yuu-chan. It was nice
of you to do that for me, but I just want my own room! Why do you have such a
problem with that?!”
“Because we’ve  always  slept in the same room! Since we were little! This
just...it’s weird...it isn't like you.” Yuu observed, setting Mika on edge.
“What’s really going on? You keep mentioning a girlfriend, as if I already have
one. Are  you  the one who has a girlfriend? Is that the reason you want your
own room?”
Mika rolled his eyes. Because that was truly and irrevocably ridiculous. “No.
And you know that.”
“Did Guren put you up to this?” Yuu asked in an almost inaudible whisper.
Mika was grateful that his brother was trying to be discreet, trying to talk
about this, but this also made his blood run cold. That look of hurt turned
into one of hatred towards the man. He couldn't do this to his brother. Mika
wouldn't make Guren out to be the bad guy in Yuuichiro’s eyes. At the end of
the day, Guren was his dad. As much as Mika resented the man for his harshness
towards him, he didn't want that bestowed upon his beloved Yuu-chan. “I’m
capable of making my own choices, Yuu-chan. Stop making a big deal out of this.
It’s not like I moved out. I’m right down the hall if you need anything.”
Yuu didn't move from his spot on the bed, only stared, assessing...calculating.
Many thought that Yuuichiro was some idiot jock who had more balls than brains.
Mika knew his brother was smart though, as well as observant. It was so damned
hard to hide things from him. To keep a secret. But a secret such as Mika’s
couldn't be revealed. Yuu had become skilled at reading people, but Mika had
become a master at concealing his true feelings.  Except from Guren.  He’d
caught on, being the cunning third party and all.
After several more moments of staring, to the point where Mika had almost begun
to sweat, Yuu stood. “Fine. Have it your way.” In the doorway, Yuu looked over
his shoulder, saying “Sorry I made you feel this way, Mika. Didn't know sharing
a room with me was such a burden on you. I’ll try not to bother you anymore…”
Before Mika could argue, Yuu left the room, shutting the door behind him.
Once he heard the footsteps receding and another door shut, signaling that Yuu
had gone back to his  own  room, Mika allowed himself to break down. He closed
his textbook that he’d only been pretending to study and lay on his bed in the
spot where Yuu had just been.  It’s better this way... He kept trying to
convince himself.  Dammit, it is!
But his heart hurt too much. Already, he felt lonely,  isolated  even. And
probably just as well. He was likely the only person in the world who felt the
way he felt at this moment. So hopelessly in love with the one person he could
never have, a person he’d known for almost half of his life, and was his
family. And he had nobody to confide in about it. And now, his own dad had
scorned him. Had called him things that made him feel as if his love for his
brother was something dirty.
Am I dirty? Am I really so twisted?  Mika balled his fists into the blankets,
smelling the spot where Yuu had just sat. His blankets now smelled like sweat
and Yuu’s deodorant and the smell that was just destiny  Yuu-chan;  Clean
laundry and coriander and a strange mixture of sweet apples and salt and Mika
drank it in.
He wished now that their conversation had gone differently. Maybe with a heart
to heart that would end in a tight embrace and allow Mika to drink in more of
everything that made Yuu-chan. His strength and his kindness and-- fuck,  he
had it bad!
You’re torturing yourself, stop it!  With a huff, he pulled himself up, and
tried to pull himself together and get some homework done
.
Guren yelled for him that it was dinner time a couple of hours later, but Mika
refused to leave his new bedroom. He couldn't even  look  at the man right now,
let alone share a meal with him!
Yuu came back in afterwards with a plate of food for him, like it was a peace
offering.
Mika was grateful for it. He was hungry, but he couldn't stomach eating with
them as a family. Not when he felt like his family had been torn apart because
of him. He was the outcast now.  Best to accept my fate…
Yuu closed the door once he was inside, and this time Mika allowed it. He ate
at his desk after thanking his brother, and Yuu just sat on the bed and watched
as Mika ate without saying another word to each other. As if Yuu sensed how
badly Mika needed to talk, to be comforted.
Part of Mika wished that Yuu would just go away. Another part wanted him to
just grab him and kiss him as hungrily as he felt. To stay with him in his bed
and snuggle up together and use his body and his presence to heal his aching
heart.
But Guren opened the door shortly after Yuu had shut it, telling him “Yuu, I
need your help in the garage for a moment.”
Yuu had obliged. Guren often had Yuuichiro assist him with different projects
or cleaning weapons or detailing the Hummer. But the glare Guren shot at Mika
as Yuu exited the bedroom said it all. Said ‘I literally just told you earlier
not to be alone with Yuuichiro!’
Mika gave his dad an astonished look. Did he really not trust him this much?!
10 minutes alone with his brother behind a closed door, and  this  was how he
was to be treated?!
Guren left and closed the door behind himself, leaving Mika alone with his
thoughts and self loathing. He’d lost his appetite after that, and tossed the
remaining food on his plate into the garbage in the kitchen while Guren and Yuu
were still out in the garage.
Mika suddenly felt awkward being in his own home. He’d grown up here, but after
everything that had happened, he felt like an intruder.
Padding back to his own room, Mika stopped on the way to slip into Yuu’s
bedroom, stealing a t-shirt out of the hamper that his brother had worn
yesterday. One of Yuu’s favorites; it was black with angelic looking wings on
the back. Mika love this shirt on him, loved how the wings would move over his
shoulder blades when Yuuichiro moved. Maybe his brother would notice, maybe he
wouldn't. Either way, he needed this shirt. Needed his scent to snuggle up with
tonight. It was the next best thing to what he truly needed: His brother in his
arms and in his bed, his life.
He missed Yuu-chan already.
***
For months, it went on this way: Yuu and Mika stepping lightly around one
another, Guren watching Mika like a hawk, Yuu scrutinizing Mika at every
opportunity.
Mika was sick of it. Sick of feeling like every stray touch to his brother’s
arm or back or anywhere else would cause Guren to rain hell on him.
On more than one occasion, when Mika casually placed his hand on the small of
Yuu’s back as Yuu was leaning over the counter or over the engine of the beat
up little car he’d bought with his savings, Mika’s hand would always wander
just a tad bit too low as he listened to Yuu speak.
He’d let his hand rest just above the generous swell of Yuu’s ass or the slight
curve of his hip.
If Yuu noticed, he never commented on it. Was always eager for any kind
interaction with Mika and seemed to always perk up when Mika was near and
actually speaking with him or touching him. Yuu would place a hand on Mika’s
back in return, though in a more innocent place, or rest his elbow on his
shoulder. So casual and easy. Just like old times.  
Then Guren would see them and give Mika a look of warning that Yuu couldn't
see, and Mika would distance himself again.
On more than one occasion, the man would catch Mika alone and shove him up
against a wall with a hand on his throat, or grasp his collar to get right up
in his face, yelling ‘How many damn times do I have to tell you?! Stop
touching  him like that!’ or ‘The way you look at him makes me sick! Knock it
off, before I knock it outta you myself!’
Mika could handle the threats, could handle Guren smacking him around and
yelling at him with disgust.
What he couldn't stomach, was lying about the bruises to Yuuichiro. Claiming
they were from bullies at school who were roughing him up, or a random fight
with someone at the train station. All of which Yuu vowed to get revenge for
him. Though he’d never find such person to exact revenge on, since the one
hurting him was the same man Yuu worshipped and looked up to.
It was no use trying to stand up for himself either. Everything Guren said
about him was true, Mika thought. And Mika was afraid that Guren would tell Yuu
his secret if he put up a fight. More than once he’d threatened to. And more
than once, he begged for Guren’s discretion.
Though Guren’s abuse of him became more and more painful and harsh with each
incident, Mika would take it to protect his secret, and protect Yuu from the
truth about their father and the fact that the man was responsible for every
black eye, busted lip and bruise.
If Yuu lost his respect for Guren, then who would he have left? Mika couldn't
stay in this situation for much longer, he knew this. Guren would get fed up
enough to kick him out eventually. It was only a matter of time. And when that
time came, Yuu needed his family to keep him stable. It was all his brother
lived for. And Mika knew that if it came down to it, Yuu would pick Guren over
him. The truth cuts like a knife. Mika just needed to prepare himself for it.
Chapter End Notes
     Holy shit! You guys are so awesome with the feedback and such!
     I honestly wasn't expecting the amount of positivity for this fic,
     but I love it so much. Thank you thank you! <3
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Summary
     True Love's Kiss
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
“Mikaela-san!” Shinoa yelled as she ran towards him. He was on his way to catch
the after school train to be home on time, like he always did But today was
different. “It’s Yuu-san!”
Mika stopped in his tracks, whirling around. “Yuu-chan?! What happened?!” The
panicked look in the girl’s large brown eyes indicated that this was not
another one of her pranks. Something was seriously wrong.
“During football practice, he...just c’mon! The ambulance is on it’s way!”
Ambulance?!Mika sprinted after her and back towards the school. On the large
football field, he saw Yuuichiro sprawled on the ground, his eyes closed and
lips parted. Clearly knocked out.
Mika ran to him, landing on his knees beside his brother and pressing a hand to
his chest. Mika felt the beat of his heart and Yuu’s breathing coming out a
little too quickly. “Yuu-chan!” The crowd around them took a few steps back,
giving them some space. Mika grasped Yuu’s hand, relieved that it was still
warm. “Is anything broken?” He asked to anyone in the crowd who might know.
Kimizuki, one of Yuu and Mika’s friends and Yuu’s teammate, stepped forward.
“Nothing’s broken.” He amended. “But he did hit his head pretty hard when
Narumi tackled him.”
Mika glared over at Narumi. He never really cared for the guy in the first
place, and this only cemented his resentment for him. What the hell was Yuu
doing playing with a senior anyway?! “You asshole!” Mika shot at him. “What the
hell were you thinking?!”
Narumi looked stunned at the outburst coming from the normally quiet blonde,
but he shot back “We were playing football, dumbass! Tackling is kind of part
of the game!”
“With no helmet?!”
Narumi looked sheepish then. “Look, we were just practicing...Yuu asked me to
tackle him to test his strength, so I did! I didn't know this would happen! I
wouldn't have come at him if I’d known!”
Mika breathed in deep to try to reign in his anger. Seeing Yuu-chan hurt made
him crazy. Knowing his brother, Yuu likely egged Narumi on until he got what he
wanted. Happy now, Yuu-chan? Mika thought. Now you’re gonna be in a coma or
have brain damage!He inwardly shook himself. Mika didn't want to go down that
path and start picturing his precious brother as a vegetable for the rest of
his life. He needed to hope for the best right now, for Yuu’s sake.
When the ambulance arrived, the EMTs placed Yuu on the stretcher and rolled him
into the back of the vehicle. They tried to keep Mika out of the back with him,
but he’d shrugged out of their grip, yelling “I’m going with him! He’s my
brother, dammit!”
They hadn't believed him at first, given the fact that they look nothing alike.
But luckily, Shinoa, Kimizuki and the others all insisted that he was telling
the truth; that they were, in fact, brothers, and the EMT finally let him into
the ambulance with him.
A harsh reality settled over Mika. Because Yuu-chan was his brother, and
everyone else, all of their friends, knew this. Even if by some miracle that
Yuu felt the same way as Mika did about him, everyone would be disgusted. Yuu
would lose his friends as well as his dad if they were together.
Mika squeezed Yuu’s hand a little tighter as he sat on the bench seat in the
back of the ambulance, watching as they took his brother’s vitals and shined
lights in his eyes. Yuu still hadn't woken up. I have to protect him.He’d never
wish this feeling of loneliness and helplessness, this feeling of having his
heart broken every time he looked at the one person he was so helplessly in
love with, on anybody. Especially not Yuu-chan.
Mika was miserable with it, heartsick beyond his years. As much as he wanted
his brother to love him the same way in return, he didn't want Yuu-chan to
become an outcast like himself.
.
Guren was listed as Yuuchiro’s emergency contact, and the doctors had called
him once they’d reached the hospital.
For now, Mika sat at his bedside and waited with his brother’s hand in his. Yuu
hadn't woken up yet, and Mika was beside himself with worry. Silently praying
‘please...don't let him stay this way. Please let him be ok! Please let him
wake up!’ to any celestial being who might have their ears on at the moment, he
pressed his lips to the back of Yuu’s hand. “I love you.” He whispered, over
and over. “I love you so much, Yuu-chan. Please don't leave me. Please, just
open your eyes…”
Despite the situation, Mika was happy he could be here for him. Happy to have a
few moments alone with his brother to dote on him and confess his feelings,
even if Yuu couldn't hear him. But it felt good to say it out loud to him, like
he’d wanted to so many times with Yuu was awake and his eyes were bright with
life.
This stillness though? It made him nervous. Yuu was always in motion, so full
of energy, even when he slept he would toss and turn and always be reaching for
somebody to hold onto. Mika would have hated it, if it were anybody else. But
it was just another thing that made Yuu who he was. And right now, he missed
the normally chatty, lively Yuu-chan. He wanted him back.
The doctors seemed troubled over the fact that his brother hadn't gained
consciousness yet. It had been hours since he was knocked out. Never a good
sign. The back of his head where he’d hit it was a vulnerable area, and being
hit there hard enough could cause permanent damage. Mika hadn't wanted to hear
anymore bad news, and asked the doctor for some time with his brother to try to
talk to him, maybe a familiar voice would wake him. But so far, it hadn't
worked.
Not knowing what possessed him to do so, Mika sat up and leaned over the bed so
that they were face to face, pressing their foreheads together. “I need you.”
He whispered, breaths fanning against Yuu’s sleep-slackened mouth. “I can't do
this alone, Yuu-chan. I can't keep living without anything to live for.” He
closed his eyes. “If you wake up, I promise to build as many pillow forts with
you as you want. I’ll detail your piece of shit car. I’ll make you curry
whenever you ask. But you gotta be awake for that, Yuu-chan. So wake up for me,
okay?”
Mika kissed Yuu’s forehead, his cheek, the corner of his mouth. His heart
started pounding. With a swallow, he leaned down again. Softly, almost
featherlight, he pressed his lips against Yuu’s. Mika could have groaned from
how nice it felt. He’d never kissed anybody before, never wanted to unless it
was with Yuu-chan. He’d resigned himself to the thought that he’d never get the
chance, but seeing Yuu so vulnerable and helpless and still so lovely, he
couldn't help but to steal the kiss--
Guren burst in a moment later, catching Mikaela just as the blonde was pulling
away.
Mika straightened when he saw his dad, his spine as solid as steel, heart in
his throat, knowing the man had seen. Knowing he was going to recieve hell for
it.
Guren just narrowed his eyes, and slowly closed the door behind him. The calm
demeanor only made Mika more afraid. This was the calm before to storm. Mika
knew what the man was capable of.
“How is he?” Guren asked, walking over to look down at his favored, perfect
son.
Mika tried to swallow past the lump in his throat, before saying “He hit his
head during football practice. He hasn't woken up yet.”
Guren brushed a strand of Yuu’s hair from his face, then looked over his
shoulder at Mika. “Have you been here long?”
Mika studied the floor, his scalp tightened with fear. “I-I rode in the
ambulance with him...Shinoa caught me before I made it to the train station to
come home. I wanted to make sure he was going to be ok.”
“Clearly.” Guren deadpanned, turning back to look at Yuuichiro. “You may leave
now. Go home and get your homework done. I’ll stay with him until he wakes.”
“But--”
“Mikaela.” Guren snapped, looking over his shoulder again. “That was an order.”
He said, every bit the Military Officer with his no-nonsense tone and crisp,
decorated uniform. “Do as I say, boy.”
“Yes, sir…” Mika grabbed his school bag without turning his back to the man,
afraid of what he might do, then gave Yuu one last look.
Guren looked at Mika with a warning in his eyes, and Mika slinked out of the
hospital room. It was dark out now, as he made his way to the train station to
go home.
 
.
 
It was after 2am when Guren came home. Mika hadn't been able to fall asleep
yet, too worried about Yuu-chan and if he woke up at the hospital or not.
Then he heard Yuu’s voice, he sounded drowsy and wished to go to bed. Then Mika
heard Guren’s voice, and the stark realization hit him that the man had caught
him kissing Yuuichiro.
He ran a fingertip over his lips. He couldn't bring himself to regret it. He
was too relieved that Yuu was ok, and liked to think that he played a small
part in it; Like waking sleeping beauty with true love's kiss.
As unlikely as that was, he’d treasure that stolen kiss forever. No amount of
beating could make the memory of Yuu’s warm, slightly chapped, firm lips go
away.
A few minutes later, Guren opened the door to his bedroom, filling up the
doorframe with his muscular build. He was still wearing his uniform.
Intimidating as hell looking.
Mika sprung out of his bed, prepared to face off against the man.
Guren was silent as he made a grab for him, Mika dodging his swiping hands and
batting the others away when he could. He was rabbit quick, but it was a losing
battle. When Mika tried to dart from the bedroom, Guren grabbed him by the back
of the neck, then placed his other hand over the blonde’s mouth as he hauled
Mika from the bedroom.
Mika struggled the whole way as Guren took him out front. His fingernails raked
the walls and clung to doorframes. He dug his heels into ground, kicking up
dirt and staining the bottoms of his feet with grass as Guren manhandled him
towards their garage.
Gripping Mika by the hair, Guren tossed him into the garage where they couldn't
be heard, and shut the large door to keep prying eyes from seeing what he was
about to mete out.
Mika was sent flying into the garage, colliding with a shelf of tools and paint
cans, knocking some of them off. As he tried to right himself, the first punch
came flying at him seemingly out of nowhere. The kind that makes you see stars.
For a moment, his ears rang and he couldn't hear, neither could he see. Guren
was going to go hard tonight, liquid rage burning through the man.
Mika shook his head, trying to clear the spots from his vision, to see where
Guren was, to try to elude him. But that punch made his thoughts come slowly,
sluggish, likely Guren’s intention.
In the span of his bewilderment, Guren removed his uniform jacket to make sure
he didn't get blood on it. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Guren didn't have
to raise his voice for it to be perceived as a yell.
When Mika didn't answer, too stunned from the blow still to form a coherent
sentence, Guren seized him by the collar of his shirt and yanked him to his
feet. Mika hadn't even know he was on the ground at that point.
Suddenly, the world jolted back into it’s place after a hand landed on his
face; hard as steel and stung like acid, slapping him back to present.
Mika wrenched free from his father’s grip, falling backwards against the shelf
again, trying to escape, though there was nowhere to run.
“Answer me.” Guren said as he pulled Mika back in by the collar and gave him a
quick hit to the side of his face.
“Yuu-chan!!” Mika cried out in fear.
Which only made Guren’s hackles rise even more, sending him into a fury. He
smacked Mika again twice; left to right, then released him again to let the boy
crumple to the floor.
Mika was punch drunk. Staring blankly at his own hands in his lap. Mika’s eyes
went wide when he saw crimson raining down over his opened palms. Blood ran
from his nose, pooling in the corner of his mouth before continuing down to his
chin and dripping down. Mika looked up at Guren with broken faith.
“That is your brother!”Guren said, his face a mask of revulsion. He looked like
a man possessed.
“I don't care!” Mika cried back. Which were the exact wrong words.
Guren went at him again, landing another blow to the side of his head and
caused Mika to sprawl to his side on the cold concrete. Then his boot heel
connected with the area of Mika’s back over his kidney. Pain exploded in his
back, making Mika gasp and choke in agony. “You’re going to care by the time we
leave this garage. So help me, Mika, you will be cured of this sickness! I’m
not going to allow you to become a freak.”
Mika curled in on himself, arms protecting more vital organs that Guren might
choose to kick.
With growing irritation, Guren removed his belt and whipped him. “Are you
really that much of a creep?!” Whack. “Taking advantage of somebody while
they're unconscious?!” Whack. “You’re as good as a rapist!” Whack. “Worse than
a rapist! You take advantage of your own god damned brother!” Whack.“You’re
sick, Mika. You're disgusting!”
Mika began to cry, taking the hits. Taking the words that hurt just as much as
the belt as he lay on the ground and bled innocence onto the floor.
Finally, Mika caved, promising to never do that again. Promising to keep his
distance.
Guren, now tired, eyes crazed and face pale, he tossed the bloody belt to the
floor. He was finally done. “Get up.” Guren commanded.
Mika tried, but his back hurt so much and his vision wavered.
Impatient, Guren hauled him to his feet by an arm, ignoring Mika’s gasps of
pain and struggled to get away. He maneuvered the boy back into the house
without another word, leading the blonde to the bathroom.
Once inside, Guren pushing Mika into the shower, the edge of the tub causing
him to trip into it, his long legs hanging over the sides. Guren turned on the
water, icy cold and making the boy yelp and try to squirm out from under the
spray, but the warning look Guren shot him made Mika still.
“Clean up, then go to bed. I don't want to have to come back in here to
retrieve you. And If you wake Yuuichiro up?...” The threat hung in the air.
Guren didn't need to say anything else.
Mika nodded, shivering, tasting his own blood in his mouth but he swallowed it.
When Guren left the bathroom, Mika turned the heat on in the shower, after a
couple of tries, was able to pull himself to his feet.
The wet clothes weren't easy to pull off, and the hot water made his skin hurt,
but Mika didn't care. He plopped his soggy clothes onto the floor outside of
the tub and stood under the spray, letting it wash away the blood and wishing
it would was away his sins as well. His shame. His self hatred and his
‘sickness’. But it wouldn't. Those wounds were not skin deep.
Guren hadn't managed to break the skin with his belting, but there were myriad
welts on his back and ribs and some on his arms from where he’d tried to shield
himself. He hates me...he hates me he hates me hehatesme! Mika breathed in deep
trying to calm his hysterical thoughts, he eyes wandering to the razor in the
shower. If I could break it open, I could use the blade to--Mika shook away the
thought. He couldn't die yet. Not when Yuu-chan still needed him. Besides, he
was too much of a coward to take his own life. Too scared of going to hell. He
washed himself until the water rain clear.
Feeling the urge to pee, Mika aimed himself toward the drain, too tired and
wobbly to be able to climb out of the shower to use the toilet. Letting it go,
Mika winced when he saw that his urine was tinted a red color. Well that’s not
very good.Mika hoped that his kidneys would heal on their own. He wouldn't be
able to go to the hospital like this. They might start asking questions. And if
Guren was gone, then what would become of them? Nobody wanted to foster two 16
year old boys. And Yuu needed Guren. They wouldn't be able to make it on their
own.
Guren knocked on the door then, signaling it was time for Mika to get out.
He did so, reluctantly, picking up his wet clothes and exited the bathroom.
Guren was waiting outside the door, but Mika couldn't look at him. Keeping his
head down, Mika turned towards his own bedroom.
“Remember what I told you, Mikaela.” Guren said from behind him.
‘One more incident, just one, and you’re gone. Yuuichiro will know everything,
know that you molested him while he was unconcious, know about your sick
obsession, then he will hate you. You’ll have nobody to turn to.’
Mika would likely be pissing blood for a week. How could he ever forget a
warning like that?
Chapter End Notes
     Just so everyone knows, I DO NOT condone child abuse in any way,
     shape, or form.
     Also, this is a very real issue. If you suspect a friend is being
     abused, or you yourself have been abused, don't be afraid to seek
     help. You matter.
     Ok, that being said, I'm so happy to see all of the positive feedback
     for this, and the anger towards Guren's actions. As painful as it may
     be, the abuse isn't over yet. So buckle down.
     I await your responses on baited breath. I hope that this chapter
     isn't too much for you guys.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
It was the day before Mikaela’s 17th birthday. He didn't ask for any gifts from
Guren, he never usually did for birthdays and holidays; he’d always gotten
whatever Guren had decided to gift him with. Which was usually sports items or
military related, which Mika had zero interest in. But it was nice to receive a
present or two once in awhile.
Yuu had always gotten him the best gifts; a nice leather bookbag, a new phone
case, new sheets, etc. Honestly, though? Mika could have gotten dirt from
Yuuichiro and he would have cherished it. The fact that his brother knew him
well enough to get him nice presents was just a bonus.
But this year was different. He’d thought about what he wanted for his birthday
when Guren had asked him one evening over dinner. Yuu was curious to hear as
well, of course.
“I would like a night out in Shibuya or Roppongi with my friends.” Was Mika’s
answer.
Guren hadn't looked happy about the idea, but Yuu seemed delighted by it. “You
wanna go to Tokyo?! You never wanna go to clubs or anything!”
Mika shrugged. “I wanna try something different. I think it’d be fun…” Mika
began to feel self conscious about his request, but Yuu had perked up.
“I know a lot of cool places you might like. I think that’s an awesome idea!”
Yuu turned to Guren. “Can we go, dad?”
After giving Mika a measured look, he glanced over at Yuuichiro. “I will
consider it.” Back to Mika “Who else will you be wanting to invite?”
Mika knew the underlying question- You remember the rules about being alone
with Yuuichiro, right?- and replied “Shinoa, Mitsuba, Yoichi and Kimizuki? It’d
just be for the night.” The trains in those districts stopped running at
midnight anyway.
When Guren still hesitated, Yuu begged “Pleeease dad! I wanna show Mika this
awesome arcade!” His brother seemed more excited about Mika’s birthday plans
then himself was. “Oh! And I know an awesome place to get dinner before we
check out the nightlife!” He said to Mika.
Guren rolled his eyes. “Fine. If that’s what you really want, Mika, then I’ll
allow you to go out with your friends this weekend.”
Mika tried for a smile and thanked his father. Mika knew though. He knew Guren
had only given in because of Yuu’s begging and infectious excitement. But he
was happy nonetheless. He would get to have a night out with his brother. Their
friends, or more or less  Yuu’s  friends would be there too, but he couldn't
complain.
Mika hadn't had an incident since the night Guren had brought Yuu-chan home
from the hospital. The night Guren had beat him harder than he’d ever done
before. His kidneys had healed on their own, luckily without any permanent
damage, and Guren had kept close vigilance over him. But Mika knew better than
to test Guren’s wrath again. And as much as it hurt, he’d had to lash out at
Yuu-chan to keep him at a distance.
His brother had been clingy as hell lately, which certainly didn't help Mika’s
overactive libido and his rampaging hormones. But Yuu seemed to take Mika’s
need for space and distance as a sign for ‘HUG ME AND NOTICE ME’, which Yuu
did. And Mika was sick of it. Sick of wanting and not being able to have. Sick
of being watched like a hawk and afraid to touch his brother in some way that
may spur Guren’s anger, or allow Yuu to get too close to him.
But his birthday would be different. Of course, Mika would never try anything
because Yuu would definitely be disgusted by him, but at least he could be free
from their father’s prying eyes for a few sweet hours. He was thankful to Yuu-
chan for his earnest and was able to convince Guren to let them have a night
out.
Freedom to just be with his Yuu-chan; It’s the greatest gift he could ask for.
***
Guren gave Mika 20,000 Yen for his birthday, which was pocket change to a
wealthy man like Guren. The money was for food and games for himself for his
night out. Which was kind of his father, he supposed...if only he hadn't given
it to him in such a dismissing way:
‘Here.’  Guren had said, handing him a wad of bills.  ‘The last train leaves at
midnight. Whatever you don't spend, I want back.’  Mika had simply nodded and
stuffed the bills in his pocket, before grabbing his jacket to head out to
where Yuu was waiting at the station for him.  ‘And Mikaela ?’ Mika froze in
the doorway, waiting for his father’s last words.  ‘I should hope you know,
that Yuu’s friends are very observant. Try anything with my son? And you can be
sure that I’ll hear it from them.’  Guren slinked up behind the boy, saying
into his ear  ‘One more incident, Mikaela, and you’re gone. You will never see
Yuuichiro again. Understand?’
Mika nodded again, then slipped out the door to walk to the station. His heart
heavy and in his throat the entire walk.
.
Luckily, Yuu was waiting there with a bright smile on his face, the rest of the
squad as well but Mika’s eyes were riveted to his brother’s ecstatic
expression.
“Woohoo!” Shinoa cheered when she saw Mika. Obnoxious as ever. The girl always
tried so very hard to break him out of his shell, to become better friends. But
Mika just couldn't. His walls were impenetrable. “Birthday boy is here! Time to
party!” Shinoa ran up to him, smacking him on the back and ushering him towards
the rest of the group.
When the other’s tried to wish him happy birthday, Mika made a  shushing  sound
and gazed around himself in embarrassment.
“Oh c’mon Mika! Don't be so coy!” Shinoa chirped.
Yuu swung an arm around his shoulder. His muscles hard against his neck and the
heat that radiated from his brother’s body made Mika want to fan himself.
“Seriously, Mika. Lighten up!” Yuu grinned wide. “Your birth is  definitely
something to be celebrated!”
Mika blushed at the comment. Prayed nobody else saw his rosy cheeks as they
meandered onto the train.
.
The journey was fairly short by most standards. Once they arrived in Roppongi,
Yuu took the lead and escorted the group to ‘the best ramen shop in Tokyo’. Or
so Yuu declared.
It really wasn't though. Mika had had better ramen from the packages, but Yuu
was so in love with the overly salty starchy noodles, that Mika couldn't help
but enjoy himself. And Yoichi and Mitsuba seemed to share the same affinity.
Shinoa and Kimizuki were in the same boat as Mika. But, as always, Yuu kept the
mood high and the atmosphere fun. So it turned out to be one of the best ramen
shops Mika had ever been to.
After dinner, the explored the nightlife. Many of the clubs didn't allow them
in because they were underage, but they managed to find one that didn't card
them, especially when Shinoa and Yoichi acted like they were foolishly drunk,
and Mitsuba had a very low cut top on that accentuated her ample breasts.
The group had gotten in, ordered drinks, played pool and darks, drank more,
ordered shots then drank those, played more pool, until Kimizuki declared it
was time to move on to the next place.
Yuu groaned in irritation, obviously tipping the scale between tipsy and drunk.
Mika couldn't help but laugh. An honest to god laugh. He felt so happy at that
moment. The ‘Squad, as Yuu called the group of friends, didn't pressure Mika
into anything. They were all so different, yet, they all clicked in one way or
another. Mika could see the appeal of having them all as friends. If only Mika
felt like he was actually part of their group.
The arcade that Yuu led them to was immense. It had three floors, and every
game you could think of. And all of the highest tech. Mika tried not to nerd
out on the cool games, but he couldn't help himself. He was  just  tipsy enough
not to care. Tipsy enough not to worry about Guren.
In the arcade, they split up into groups. Yuu and Mika together, since Yuu
insisted, and the buzzidly went over to some of the games. First of which was
some kind of ‘Fruit Ninja’ game, only it was motion censored and you fought
vampires, not fruit.  Vampire Reign , the game was called. Mika had rolled his
eyes at the shitty-cheesy name when Yuu had led them onto the platform to play.
The game had plastic swords, which were connected by a long wire to the
platform. Mika chose the red one, Yuu the green, and the game began.
Yuu was extremely good at the game, his kendo lessons paying off as he slashed
and hacked through the hordes of vampires. Mika was barely able to keep up as
the levels progressed. And he found it hard to concentrate with Yuu being so
vicious and into the game. It was hot, seeing his brother’s face strained and
angry and rearing to fight.
This exact distraction caused Mika to be swiped by a vampire. “Stay away from
him you prick!” Yuu shouted at the animated monster, slaughtering it in one
fell swoop. Yuu turned to him them as the next level loaded. “Saved you!” He
had the adorable wide grin that made his eyes squint. “Praise me!”
Mika felt his face heat. Yuu was just too damned cute. And at that moment, he
wanted to pull his brother into his arms and kiss him. Feel his lips against
his again. Tell me  ‘Only you can save me, Yuu-chan. Please save me. Save me
from this hell I’m in!’
Instead, Mika tsked and faced the screen again. “Yeah, yeah…” He said. “If you
weren't so obnoxious and distracting, you wouldn't have had to save me.”
Yuu pouted at that. “Fine. Next time your ass needs my sword, you’re gonna have
to beg me to help you.”
Mika facepalmed.  Phrasing, Yuu-chan!  “Noted.”
They continued to play, Mika ended up dying, too thrown off by Yuu’s last
statement and how it made his own mind veer dangerously close to sexual.  Not
everything is about sex, Mika!  The blonde berated himself, but he couldn't
help it. Yuu had been close to him all night; rubbing shoulders with him,
touching hands, accidently brushing his ass against Mika’s hip and placing his
hand on the small of Mika’s back…
It was more contact that he’d had with Yuuichiro since he was forced to move
into his own bedroom. It was getting to him now, and only stoked his desires
for his brother to a fever pitch.
Mika was tense after that vampire game, afraid of himself. Afraid of what his
own mind kept seizing on. The others in the ‘squad’ chalked it up to Mika just
being Mika, but Yuuichiro noticed. Because of course he did. No matter that
Yoichi with his cheerful disposition and big knowing eyes, or Shinoa with her
sly suspicious smiles and playfulness tried to bring his spirits up.
Mika was trapped. Forever in his own despair, he felt. Wanting so badly to
grasp his brother’s hand when they’d brush fingers, but with the large group
around them, it was impossible. Just as Guren planned. Just how Guren wanted
them. ‘ I’m not going to allow you to become a freak.’  It echoed in Mika’s
conscience on a daily basis.  Well...maybe I am…
Mika gazed at Yuuichiro as they made their way back to the train station. It
was after 11:30 and they needed to catch the last train back home. Yuu looked
happy. All smiling eyes, cheerful slightly drunken chatter. So at ease with his
life. Not for the first time, Mika envied him. Wished he was normal like his
brother. Wished he was worthy of the friends that Yuu had accumulated. Though
Yuu had called the squad  their  friends, Mika knew that they were really here
for Yuuichiro. Mika had no friends of his own to speak of. Never felt the need
for them. Until now. Now? It might be nice to have people to confide in. Not
that he’d ever tell anyone his deepest, darkest secret.
.
The train ride home was wild. Filled with drunken college kids and tourists;
present company included. Also included, was a group of visibly drunken women
who were part of a bachelorette party, of which a couple of the women were
making eyes at the handsome young blonde.
Shinoa nudged Mika’s ribs. “That redheaded one is making eyes at you, Mika.”
“Huh?” Mika turned his head back towards the group at the other end of the
train car. There was a young woman with short red hair amongst the bachelorette
party, but Mika couldn't tell who exactly she was looking at. “Just because
she’s looking in this direction, doesn't mean she’s looking at  me.”  Mika
defended. He really didn't want to do this tonight. Shinoa had tried to hook
him up with girls before. Little did she know, she was  so  barking up the
wrong tree.
Shinoa jabbed him with her elbow again, and Yuuichiro blinked open his bleary
eyes to see what the commotion was about. “You’re like, one of the hottest guys
on this train!” Shinoa said, a little too loud for Mika’s liking. His face
turned crimson.
“Shinoa, stop it!” Mika hissed. “I’m not interested!”
“Not interested in what?” Mitsuba stepped in then, all haughty and no-nonsense
attitude.
Shinoa blatantly pointed to the redhead, who was now blushing furiously
herself. “That chick is making eyes at our birthday boy. We should definitely
intervene!”
“Shinoa no!” Mika grabbed her arm when she started striding towards the woman.
Shinoa turned to him with wide eyes, as if she had no clue why he was acting so
against her idea of hooking him up. “Why?” Shinoa narrowed her eyes. “You a
cherry boy like our dear Yuu-san?”
Yuu, who was quietly watching from the sidelines, finally chimed in. “Shut the
fuck up, Shinoa!”
Mika felt a warmth blooming in his stomach. His Yuu-chan was still a virgin?
Even though Mika knew that he wouldn't even have a snowball’s chance in hell
with a physical relationship with Yuu-chan, he couldn't help but be happy that
the boy he loved so much wasn't yet sullied by another.  It’ll happen
eventually, Mika.  He told himself. Mika dreaded the day his brother would find
some nice girl he liked enough to sleep with.
Oh... Mika realized that he still had Shinoa’s forearm in his grip, and she was
waiting for an answer. “Shinoa, you’re drunk. And it’s  my  birthday, so I can
get what I want. Right?”
Shinoa grumbled and yanked out of his grasp. “And what is it you want, Mikaela-
san?”
“To go home. And go to bed.” Mika said. “ Alone.”  He added when Shinoa raised
a brow.  
Shinoa turned towards him, her expression serious. “Mika,” she said in a low,
cryptic tone “are you gay?”
Kimizuki nearly choked to death on his own saliva.
Yuu shouted “What the hell, Shinoa?! You don't just ask people that!”
Mitsuba gasped and tried to haul Shinoa away and into an empty seat away from
Mika.
“What?!” Shinoa stomped her foot. “What did I say?!”
The girl was obviously  way  too fueled by alcohol to be around right now.
“Sorry, Mika.” Mitsuba tried to attone. “Shinoa’s obviously not in her right
mind at the moment!” She directed the latter statement towards the shorter
girl, who was tittering behind her hands and leaning her head against the
stranger next to her. Who also seemed annoyed by her.
Mika remained quiet the rest of the way home after that. How he was he supposed
to play that off? Shinoa had called him out, but Mika hadn't had a chance to
defend himself.
Yuu shook his head in exasperation, turning back to Mika. “Don’t worry about
her. She asked me the same thing the last time she tried to hook me up with
Mito.”
And?! What was your answer?!  Mika wanted to ask. But held his tongue. There
was a snowball’s chance in hell that Yuu was gay, considering how popular he
was with the girls at school.
.
They finally arrived home. It was well after 1am, but Guren hadn't given them a
curfew. He was apparently asleep when the boys entered the house, because Guren
hadn't greeted them, nor had he even left his bedroom door open to listen for
them. Which Mika found strange-
Yuu grabbed his hand then. “I have your birthday present in my room.”
Mika flushed at the contact, and at the words Yuu had said. Mika’s lust addled
brain kept seizing on dirty thoughts.  Stop it Mika!  A gift for him in his
room? Oh, if only his brother knew what  gift  he really wanted.
Yuu closed the door behind them, then rifled through his bedside table, cursing
here and there and talking to himself, asking himself  ‘where the hell did I
put it?’  Before finally finding the item he’d searched for with an “Ahhaa!”
He presented Mika with a small velvet pouch, the contents inside felt weighty
in Mika’s palm. He opened it.
Inside, was a necklace. A medallion, in the shape of a sun. It had intricate
little designs in the center and the solar flares fanned out from the
beautifully designed center. The charm was tied to a soft, leather string. It
was small, not too flashy, just like Mika liked. He examined the jewelry. It
looked expensive. And had an engraving on the back of it, written in english,
which Mika couldn't read.
“Yuu-chan…”
“Yeah, yeah.” Yuu shrugged, like it was no big deal. “I found it at this cool
antique shop downtown. I don't know what the writing on the back says, but a
Sun Symbol kind of fits with you, don't you think?”
Mika blinked at him, not catching his meaning.
“Um...cuz the hair? Or...I don't know...If you hate it, I can take it back-”
“No!” MIka interrupted. “I...Yuu-chan, I love it. Thank you.” He placed it
around his neck.
Mika did love it. It seemed so personal, so special to receive a piece of
jewelry from Yuuichiro, even if Yuu hadn't meant it to be special. It was to
Mika. And once that necklace was around his throat, he’d never take it off.
He’d treasure it until the day he died.
Yuu smiled back. “I’m glad you like it…” Mika noticed then, that Yuu’s smile
held a hint of...sadness? “I wasn't sure what to get you this year...but…”
Mika rushed to him, hugging him close. “You’re the only one, Yuu-chan-” Then
Mika hurriedly corrected himself. “The only one who knows what kind of presents
I like.” He pulled away, plastering on his happiest smile. “You always give the
best gifts. Thank you.”
As Mika pulled away, Yuu held him in place, his hands grasping his forearms.
“Mika…” Yuu began, staring at Mika’s face, meeting his eyes, seeming to search
for...something.
At that moment, Mika’s heart raced. His thoughts going a million miles an hour.
Have to get out of here. Guren might see! Guren will tell Yuu-chan! Guren will
throw me away!
“Uh-umm...I-I should go to bed now, Yuu-chan.”
Yuu blinked, then released his arms. “Oh. Ok...Goodnight Mika. And happy
birthday!” He smiled wide again.
As Mika quietly opened the door, Yuu added, “Oh, Mika?”
“Yeah?”
“Ya know...If you were...uh-ya know. What Shinoa said? Um...Well, just so ya
know? I’d be ok with it.”
Mika’s face heated. He didn't know what to say. Did Yuu-chan really want to
know if he was gay or not? Or just saying he didn't care either way? He wanted
so badly to open up. To tell him everything. But if he did, then Yuu would
discover how he felt about him. Mika didn't trust himself enough to admit one
flaw of his without admitting the other. Sure, Mika might be gay. But he wasn't
gay for anyone else but Yuuichiro.
So instead he said, “Thank you, Yuu-chan. Goodnight.” Before he left to go back
to his own room, alone. Always alone. How fitting.
Chapter End Notes
     I suppose this was a little bit happier, since Guren didn't beat him
     in this chapter. Right?!...
     Anywho! I'm sorry for the delay. I got a promotion at work though! So
     that means more work to do. Boooo....Life happens sometimes. But
     that's my excuse for the delay.
     I wanted to add something a little bit ha[[y though, since this fic
     is mostly dark and sad, bt I believe building Yuu and Mika's
     relationship for this chapter will set this up for the other chapters
     :)
     I hope you enjoyed! And I loved all you comments from last chapter. I
     really helped me get through this writers block I've had. Especially
     with being so busy, it inspired me to keep going. I love you guys!
     Thank you! xoxoxox
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Mika heard a strange sound late one night, waking him up from his sleep. He
didn't have to be at school in the morning, since they’d already graduated from
high school, but he did have to be up early for work at the coffee shop.
After they’d turned 18, Yuu had gotten a new car, and gave him old one to Mika
for his 18th birthday. He even taught him how to drive, which was a terrible
idea. Mika had no idea how his brother had managed not to kill himself all this
time with his terrible driving. He chalked it up to luck.
Mika listened for what the sound that had woken could be. Whispering? A door
opened and closed. Then he heard a multiple footsteps. For a second, he thought
they were being robbed.
Mika climbed out of bed and cracked open his door, peering into the darkness of
the house to see who was skulking about?-
He squinted.  Yuu-chan?  His brother was leading a...a girl, by the hand. To
his bedroom. Mika couldn't see her face, but her feminine silhouette gave it
away that she was female. Yuu turned towards her, made a  shhh  sound, before
leading her to his bedroom and closing the door behind him.
Mika felt as if his heart had stopped. He chest ached and gut twisted so hard
that he nearly doubled over. He closed his own door then, leaning his forehead
against it.  No... He clutched at his chest.  Oh god, please no... He fingered
the necklace Yuu had given him over a year ago. It felt heavy around his neck.
And he hated it.
He didn't know when he ended up on his knees, but there he was, clutching at
his chest, his vision blurring with tears and his breathing ragged as his head
spun.
It’s finally happened... Yuu-chan had found somebody. Somebody he’d liked
enough to share his body with. And Mika had to wonder, would this be his first
time? Was Yuu about to lose his virginity to some faceless stranger Mika had
never met? Some college girl who didn't know his Yuu-chan or deserved him? He
wanted to be sick, the thought making him nauseous. Nobody was good enough for
his brother. Not even Mika himself.
Every cell in his body screamed at him to go pound on Yuu’s door. To stop this
from happening. To keep his brother from being sullied by that bitch who likely
just wanted a quick fuck and didn't love Yuuichiro.
But he couldn't. No matter how much it hurt and how far flung his thoughts took
him, Mika knew that interfering wouldn't make Yuu love him. He might hate him
for that.
With a heavy heart, Mika climbed back into his bed and drew the covers over his
head, wishing he could disappear. Wishing he never woke and saw what he’d just
seen, and part of him wishing he’d never wake again so he wouldn't have to face
reality in the morning. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to picture how
Yuu looked at that moment: Do his eyes become hooded? Would he blush? Moan into
her mouth? Would she take him into her mouth a suck him till he came? Or would
they skip the foreplay and just get straight to the fucking?
Mika’s traitorous dick hardened at the thought of Yuuichiro in the throes this
very moment. Even though it wouldn't be with him, the thought of his brother
being mindless with lust and plunging between someone’s legs made his cock
twitch even when he simultaneously felt a pang in his heart.
Don't think about it...don't... But it was too late. He was already stroking
himself off, feeling pathetic when tears slipped from his eyes as Mika’s core
tightened and he spilled hot semen over his hand. Felt even more pathetic when
he openly sobbed afterwards, knowing how stupid he looked; crying while
masturbating.
Pulling off his shirt, he cleaned himself off with it and tossed it onto the
floor, not caring where it landed or who might see the cum stains. He didn't
care about anything at that moment. Only his self loathing and hatred for the
girl who stole his brother away. He’d probably have to meet her in the morning.
Unless Yuu was the nail and bail type and made her leave when they were done.
Which only pissed Mika off more, though he didn't know why. He supposed it was
because he’d put Yuu-chan on a pedestal for so long, that the thought of him
whoring disgusted him.
He’d never see his brother the same after this.
***
4 months later;
“The  Army?!”  Mika’s voice rose an octave in alarm. “But why?! You’re only 18,
Yuu-chan!” He didn't care that Guren was standing there in the living room
watching the scene unfold. Yuu had a large duffel slung over his back, his room
was packed up in boxes, and he was leaving.
“You know I’ve wanted to join the army, Mika. I told you this when we were
kids.”
Well, yeah...but Yuu hadn't mentioned it in so long, he’d assumed his brother
had find another goal. Granted; he hadn't talked to his brother in months. Not
since that night Yuu had brought a girl home. He never saw her the following
morning, but Yuu had looked like he’d had a busy night with his messed up hair
and satisfied look on his stupid, beautiful face.
“Yuu-chan, please…” He grabbed his arms when Yuu reached for the door. “Can we-
let’s talk about this first? There are other things you can do, Yuu-chan. Just
because Guren wants you to be a soldier, doesn't mean you have to be if you
don't want to!”
“Mikaela.” Guren warned.
But Mika ignored him as he gazed at Yuu with pleading eyes.
Yuu met his gaze, his expression puzzled. “What the hell, Mika? You don't talk
to me for months, now all of a sudden you’re upset about me leaving?!”
“It’s...complicated, Yuu. Please, just wait!”
Yuu shrugged out of Mika’s grip. “Mika, I’m joining the Army, whether you like
it or not. It’s what I’ve been preparing for these past 2 years.”
“You never told me!” Tears threatened to spill from his eyes.
“You never asked.”
Mika felt his throat tighten, fear skittering up his spine.  I’m gonna lose
him-!  He never really thought about the prospect of Yuuichiro actually leaving
home. Wasn't prepared for this. “Yuu...if you leave me here alone…” He lowered
his voice so only Yuu would hear, but trailed off, not knowing how to continue
his sentence. What to tell him?
“What?” Yuu asked. His eyes were searching, concerned. When Mika didn't say
anything else, Yuu put a hand on his shoulder. “Tell me, Mika. Tell me why you
need me to stay.”
Mika opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He was too afraid. Afraid
of Guren staring daggers into the back of his head. Scared of telling you the
truth and then being rejected and hated and losing Yuu anyway.
Balling his fists, he stepped away from Yuuichiro.
Yuu gave him a disappointed look, then whispered back “I don't know what you
want from me, Mika...I can't just stay here and do nothing with my life because
you need me around.” He stepped closer. “Come with me. You could join the Army
too.”
The thought of joining the military made Mika’s throat tighten even more. He
wasn't capable of that. He didn't like guns, didn't like violence, and he
didn't think he’d even be able to survive the basic training. Yuu was fit and
had prepared for it, Mika hadn't. “I…Yuu-chan, I can’t. I don't know the first
thing about the military. I’m not a soldier, you know that.”
Yuu sighed. “But I am. It’s what I’ve wanted to do, Mika. I’m sorry you can't
understand that. And I’m sorry it has to come to this.” He drew his hand away.
“I’ll come visit after basic. It’s only a month, ok? I’ll see you then. In the
meantime? Maybe try to find something to make you happy? Otherwise, I can't
help you. Not if you don't talk to me. Not if you don't tell me what’s going
on.”
There was a lot of things Yuu didn't know about. He had no idea what was really
going on. He and Guren had kept the bruises and marks well hidden.
Mika was speechless, no words would leave his mouth. And they still didn't,
long after Yuu walked out the door. Mika just stared, bewildered. Yuu was gone.
He was moving on. Living his life, pursuing what he wanted to do. And Mika was
still here, working at a coffee shop, driving Yuu’s hand-me-down car and pining
after him like he’d done for most of his life.
And then, there was Guren. After Yuu left to go enlist, Mika was still here
with their father. And he wasn't happy. At all.
A couple of hours later, after Mika had a chance to have a good cry, and try to
get his head straight, he made a choice: Yuu was leaving for the Army. So Mika
figured, he didn't have a reason to stay in this house. He’d lost all respect
for his father, he hated living under his thumb, and despised living in
constant fear. Guren hadn't hit him since the last incident in the garage, but
Mika would never forget the pain from that night. And he’d never forgive Guren
for what he’d done.
If Yuuichiro was free to leave, then so was he. He packed a bag.
.
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?!” Guren tried to stop Mika when he
made his way to the door.
“I’m leaving.”
“Like hell you are!” Guren made a grab for him, but Mika swatted his hand away.
“You can't hold me here anymore! I’m done! You hear me?! DONE!”
“You’re not going anywhere.” Guren nearly growled. “Put that fucking bag down
and go to your room!”
“Fuck you!” Snapped. “I can't stay in this house with you another second!”
Guren grabbed him by the shirt collar, hauling him away from the door. “I’m not
letting you, Mikaela! I’m not going to allow you to go after him!”
“I’m not!” Mika struggled against him. “I’m trying to get away from  you!”
“Damnit Mika, you  will  respect me! Do as you are told!” He hauled Mika into
the living room. “I don't understand you, boy...You’re a good looking guy.
Could have any girl you wanted. Why isn't that enough for you?”
“I’m not going after Yuu-chan!” Mika struggled to get away from him again. “I
just need some space! I can't breath in here!” Mika knew going after Yuu was
pointless, but part of his mind still seized on the idea. “I already know where
Yuuichiro is going! I know I can't stop you. Happy now?! Your perfect son is
fulfilling your own plans for him! He can go join the military, can go whore
around as much as he wants because that’s what you want, isn't it?! That’s why
you let that girl in our house that night, just so Yuu-chan would fuck her. Bet
that made you happy didn't it dad?”
Guren clenched his jaw, but he didn't deny it. Guren was always truthful, that
much was a fact. Guren knew that Yuu had fucked that girl all those months ago,
and allowed it.
“Yuu-chan can fuck as many women as he wants though, and that still won't
change the way I feel about him!” He tried to move past Guren, but the man
blocked his way. Mika began to lose it. “Get out of my way.”
“Don't test me, Mika.” Guren said.
“I already told you!” Mika shouted. “I’m not going after him! I don't care what
Yuu-chan chooses to do. I don't care if he decides to whore around, because you
seem to think that that is the best for him!” Mika continued to yell. “I don't
care you gets a few minutes of his time! Yuu-chan is  mine!”
Guren tried to grab for him, but Mika evaded him.
“He’s mine! He will always be mine!” He yelled as he frantically backed away
from his father. He knocked over chairs as he ran from Guren, evading his grip,
dodging the swipes of his hands and fists. Mika noted that the room smelled
like alcohol. Guren had been drinking. Which meant that once he caught him,
there was going to be pain.
Mika backed the entire length of the room, yelling “He’s mine! He will always
be mine!”
 Guren sidestepped, Mika mistaking Guren’s direction, and was struck directly
in the side of his head. As Mika’s vision flickered, he was struck again in the
ribcage. Mika gasped in a breath as he gaped at his father; a vision of temper
and rage.
Mika struggled, kicked and even got in a few defensive hits as he fought
against Guren, trying to keep him at bay. But it didn't last long. Guren was
taller, stronger and a skilled fighter. Mika didn't stand a chance against him.
Mika took Guren’s hits. He was used to the pain. But he still put his arm in
front of himself in a desperate attempt to block the hits. Guren’s hand closed
around it. “God help me, Mika, you are going to respect me!” He twisted Mika’s
arm. “You are not going to act this way towards your brother! You are not going
to ruin his life like you’ve ruined your own! Tell me that this is the last
time you will ever do anything like this! The last time you will even think of
it! And fucking mean it!”
“No.” Was all Mika said as he struggled against Guren’s hold.
“I said say it!”
“And I said NO!”
Guren struck Mika with his free hand, but Mika refused to back down. “I’ll
never say it! No matter how much you beat me, it will never be true!”
Guren hit his boiling point, and in a blaze of fury, he twisting his hand and
there was a crunch of bone.
Mika let out a blood curdling scream, “I’m a freak! I’m a fucking freak!”
Guren released him, Mika’s arm broken.
Mika tried to scoot away, only to find a wall already at his back. He began to
cry and yell as the pain shot through his fractured limb.
Guren looked at Mika then, really looked at him, with horrifying clarity. The
sounds of Mika’s cried of pain instantly sobering him. He put a hand on Mika’s
shoulder.
Mika put his good hand up to try to hold his father off, eyes clenched shut and
chanting he was a freak over and over, as if that might appease the man and
spare him more pain and he huddled on the floor.
Mika looked down at his broken arm. It was bent at an ungodly angle.
“I never...God...Mikaela, I never meant to-” Guren said, crouching down in
front of Mika.
Mika glanced back up. In that instant, all fear left him, replaced by enmity.
He raised his chin in a gesture of defiance, even under the blood and the
swelling of his face and the pain about the render him unconscious. “Do it.”
Mika said, expecting Guren to hit him again. But he stared him straight in the
eyes, without a single tear and defiance blatant on his face.
Guren rose to his feet and sidle away from Mika, muttering vows to himself
about ‘never again’. He paced the room as Mika’s eyes watched him, until the
man grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the cupboard and settled onto one of the
chairs in the kitchen while still keeping Mika in his line of sight. His
breathing was heavy, his shirt soaked with sweat from the fight and drops of
blood splattered the front.
Guren poured a drink, shot it back, then poured another before looking back at
his son. “Mikaela…” Guren started, but apologies weren't exactly part of the
man’s vocabulary.
“When Yuu-chan sees what you’ve done…” Mika’s threat hung in the air like
stagnant heat.
But that only sent Guren’s hackles right back up again. “Tch. Hell, Mika, he’d
kick your ass more than I did once he finds out what you are. Guren pinched the
bridge of his nose, angry with himself. Trying to reign in his temper.
“Fuck...after all these years, nothing I do or say seems to stay in your thick
skull. Maybe you do need to hear it from Yuuichiro.” He reasoned.
Mika grit his teeth, but said nothing.
“Didn't you see how quickly he tried to get away from you? Do you really think
he would stick around if he found out about any of this? Unlike you, Yuuichiro
is normal. So what if he fucks random girls in the middle of the night? At
least he’s doing what normal, healthy young men his age are doing. Unlike you!
So go ahead Mika, you tell him. Or I’ll tell him myself the second he walks
back through that door when he visits.”
Mika fidgeted with his necklace, the one with the sun symbol Yuu-chan had given
him on his 17th birthday. “Yuu-chan would never hate me…”
“Pay attention, Mikaela! He left! Don't you get it?! How do you see this
playing out exactly? You think he will run into your arms and you two will live
out some happily every after bullshit?”
Mika’s expression was so lost, so alone. So heartbreaking and young when he
looked back up at Guren. “I’m in love with him, dad.”
Guren scrubbed a hand over his weary face. Guren should have been more shocked,
hearing his son openly admit such an atrocity, but he knew the truth when he
heard it.
“I love him…” Mika finally let himself begin to cry. It was impossible to hold
in anymore. The salt from his tears stung the cuts on his face.
“You don't even know what love means.” Guren tried to reason. “No, Mika. You’re
going to stop. You’re going to grow up, get your damned head straight and stop
this sickness!” Guren drank down his other shot of whiskey, then poured
another.
“...You keep saying I’m sick…” Mika began at length. “You say what I feel isn’t
normal, that it’s wrong, because we’re brothers…” Mika glared at his father
through his rapidly swelling eye. “But I’ve known Yuuichiro longer than you
have. We’ve been together longer than we’ve been apart. Before we even met you,
he was everything to me. I love him. I don't care about other people’s rules or
labels, or their definitions. There’s no stopping it. I’m in love with him, and
I always will love him…”
Guren slammed his empty glass down. “Fine! You love him so much? Then you’ll
love him enough to let him go! Have you ever even thought of Yuuichiro? What
this would do to your brother? Are you that selfish?! I didn't raise you to be
this way, Mikaela. I don't even know who you are anymore!”
You never knew me.  Mika thought.  Not really.  Guren was speaking again, harsh
words, hitting him with those words instead of with his fists. But Mika ignored
them, tried to block them out as he cradled his broken bones. Thinking of
better days, of the times he had spent with Yuu, away from all this. Away from
the family they’d made with Guren and focused on the times it had just been
them two.  ‘It’s you and me against the world.’  Yuu had said. Mika smiled at
the memory
“Are you even listening to me?!”
Mika looked back up at Guren. “I mean, Yuu has done so much for you He’s been
your friend, your brother, tried to help you fit in. Is that not enough for
you? Now you want him as your lover?! You wanna see how far he’ll go for you?!
It’s repulsive!” Guren’s voice was raised in pitch as well as in octave. He
sounded afraid.
“No.” Mika said. “I’d never make Yuu-chan do anything he didn't want to do.”
“So what then? You think Yuuichiro is sick like you?! Because I assure you,
he’s not! All you’re going to accomplish is losing your brother!”
Mika went silent, for long moments. Then Guren stood and approached him. “Never
again, Mika.” He knelt like he was going to help Mika to his feet, but the boy
just turned away from him. “This is the last time I’m ever going to hear
anything about this again. That’s an order, Mikaela.” He waited for his son’s
confirmation, demanding respect.
Mika looked defeated when he turned his head away, but when he turned back to
Guren, there was nothing but defiance and rebellion in his blue eyes. “Go. To.
Hell!”
Guren wrenched Mika to his feet by his broken arm. Mika screamed, white-hot
agony ripping through him. “I’m a freak!” He cried out again, hoping his father
would release him. But his didn't.
.
Later that day, Guren set Mika’s arm. Splinting it and wrapping it. Mika passed
out from the pain. When he woke, he was alone in his room once again.
Mika blinked at the ceiling, blinked the fresh tears away. ‘ Never again’.
Guren had said. And the man was right. He would never hurt Mika again, because
Mika would never see him again.
As best he could, Mika packed a bag after locking his bedroom door, then
climbed out the window and slipping into the cover of darkness.  Never again.
Mika thought, so many never’s going through his mind. The one he had to come to
terms with though, was the fact that by running away, he’ll never see Yuu-chan
again.
Chapter End Notes
     Oh gosh...what have I done...
     Yuu seems so oblivious, but he knows that something's up. I wasn't
     going to at first, but I think I'm going to add a Yuu POV in future
     chapters. Don't hold your breath though, it wont be for a while yet.
     There's more to come :)
     Thank you all for the support on this fic! It made me want to get
     this chapter out sooner, as my thanks to you! Even though this
     chapter was kind of painful.
     Hope you enjoyed! I look forward to any feedback :3
***** Chapter 7 *****
Chapter Notes
     *TRIGGER WARNING*-Attempted Suicide Ahead
See the end of the chapter for more notes
One of the first things Mika did, was clean out his bank account. He ditched
the car, Yuu’s old car that was now Mika’s, and took the final paycheck from
his job and cashed it. He had exactly 23,000 yen to his name.
By ditching the car and using only cash, he’d be harder to find. If Guren even
cared enough to go looking for him. He’d get far enough away before Yuu would
know he’d ran. He avoided using his ID whenever he could, and hopped on a train
to take him as far from his former home as he could get. Mostly, he slept on
the trains, but when it was the end of the line, he knew he needed to find a
place to stay.
.
Mika found a cheap motel in Nagoya. It was in the slummy part of town, where
they didn't ask questions and didn't ask for ID.
He entered the small room. In was dingy, the bedspread old and likely hadn't
been washed since the last visit. Mika sat on it. Not caring. Not caring about
anything. The neon lights from the motel sign shined in through the window,
casting the room in an eerie, green glow.
Fitting. He was trash, sitting in this trash heap. Listening to the trash
fucking in the room next to him through the paper thin walls.
He didn't know how long he sat there, letting it all sink in. Letting himself
think again since he’d ran off earlier that night. He glanced at the clock. It
read 3:14 AM. It didn't matter. He wasn't tired anymore. Not physically at
least. His mind, however? He wanted to shut it off. Shut it all off. The
memories and his new reality hurt more than his shattered arm and beaten face.
The warm air of the room seemed to press down on him. He needed air. He slipped
his shoes back on and pocketed the little brass key, because shitty old motels
like this one didn't have key cards, and went out onto the landing of the
second story. His breath fogged, but he welcomed the chill.
There was a man outside as well. A large man. Dark red hair, dark blue eyes.
Everything about his demeanor was dark. He glanced at Mika as he exited the
room but said nothing, only puffed his cigarette.
Silence stretched between them, but Mika couldn't help but look at the man. He
was attractive. Big. Probably had a big dick too. Mika tried to push away the
thought. He shivered-
“Want one?”
“Huh?” Mika looked back up. Noticed that the man had sidled closer to him. He
was offering Mika a cigarette. “Oh. Um...I don't smoke.”
The man raised a brow, smirking a little. “You’re in a shit place like this,
there’s got to be a reason. Smoking’s a great stress reliever. Try it.”
He blinked at the man, then at the pack of smokes still being offered to him.
Recounting how he shouldn't take things from strangers. Especially shady,
handsome ones in seedy motels.  Fuck it.  He took one anyway. The man lit it
for him as Mika inhaled. Immediately began hacking and coughing. Then tried
again. It got easier the more he puffed on him.
The man smiled. “So. What's your story, kid?”
Mika coughed, then asked “My story?”
He pointed to Mika’s broken arm. “You look like a bucket of fuck. Someone beat
the shit out of you, yeah? So what didya do to deserve it?”
I didn't deserve it.  Mika thought. But he shrugged. “Some asshole wanting me
to stay away from their golden child.”
The man chuckled. “Caught you in bed with some rich fuckers’ daughter?”
Mika shrugged again. “Something like that.” He took another puff. It was smooth
this time.
The man studied him for a moment, then said. “You’re not very good at lying,
are you?”
“What makes you say that?”
“Gotta sense about these things.” The man lit up another smoke, clearly
intending on staying and talking to him. Maybe he sensed how much Mika needed
to confide in someone. “So, what's the real story?”
Mika considered telling this random guy to fuck off. But he’d likely get his
ass beat more. Not like it mattered. Besides, he’d never see this guy again. He
was already contemplating ending his own life soon, so why not go out with a
clear conscience? “My dad, actually. Adoptive dad. Wanted me to stay away from
his favorite kid.”
“Kid?”
Mika corrected himself. “My age. Adopted too. We were adopted together. But…”
“Hm.”
“What?”
“Just, your choice in wording.”
“What do you mean?” Mika’s hackles rose.
“You haven't mentioned a specific gender. Just, found it interesting.”
Mika turned away. “Doesn't matter. I ran after he did this to me.”
Silence again. And then, “So, you wanted to fuck your adopted brother and daddy
wouldn't let you?”
Mika blanched, feeling like all the blood left his face. His throat tightened
in panic. He threw the cigarette away. “Thanks for the smoke.” He headed back
to his room, intending to lock himself away forever, maybe slit his wrists and
bleed out.  Holy shit, am I that obvious?!
“Woah! Hey! I meant no offense kid!” The man said. “I’m not judging you!”
Mika stopped at the door, fumbling with getting it opened.
“Look, why don't you come over to my room? Maybe we could...talk about it.”
Mika glance up at him from under a lock of hair. Was this guy serious? Was that
a suggestive invitation? Did he really just want to talk to him? Or…?
“Something tells me that going with you will involve more than just talking…”
The man leaned in closer to him, close enough that Mika could smell his cologne
and the alcohol on his breath. “It can involve anything you like, boy.”
The man’s deep timbre to his voice gave Mika goosebumps. This man was
dangerous. He’d likely kill him once the door was closed. And wouldn't that be
fitting? Why would it even matter? It didn't. “Ok.” Mika heard himself say, and
the man pressed a warm hand to the small of Mika’s back and led him to his
room.
.
Mika woke a couple of hours later, the beginning rays of sun just starting to
peek in through the slits in the curtains. The hours before a hazy memory, but
the soreness of his body reminded him of what he’d done.
‘Crowley’,  the man called himself, indeed had other intentions other than
talking. And Mika let him. He let the man feed him booze, and some other
strange pills that that made his nerves alight and enhance every sensation in
his body.
The man had been careful with him at first. Careful not to hurt his bad arm,
giving Mika a pillow to rest it on as he bent his naked body over and gripped
handfuls of his ass. Mika hand painted, keened, needed more roughness, more
pain to help him forget the other pain he’d felt from losing Yuuichiro.
Crowley had purred in his ear  “Blonde...I like blonde’s…”  As he’d gripped
Mika’s hair and snaked his tongue into Mika’s mouth, making Mika nearly cum on
the spot from the overwhelming sensations he was feeling.
Then Crowley had gotten to work stretching him open. At first, the fingers
didn't hurt. He’d even welcomed the fullness, until Crowley inserted 3 of them
and that became almost too much.
Mika had twisted around, wanting to see. The man’s body was a gigantic mass of
rippling muscles and corded tendons. Mika’s eyes widened, fear skittered up his
spine when he caught sight of the man’s cock and holy shit! That was supposed
to fit in his asshole? Impossible!
As Crowley rolled on a condom, he pinned Mika’s head to the mattress, cooing to
him like a lover would, telling him he was beautiful and perfect and Mika was
fucked up enough on pills and alcohol that he wept from the sweet words as
Crowley slid into him.
It was painful, Mika remembered that much. That man was huge, because holy
shit, have you seen him? Of course he’d be huge. And his cock was unyielding
inside of him, stretching him, splitting him in half. The first thrust had
nearly punched the breath out of Mika, the second and third succeeded in doing
so. It burned and hurt and Mika hated it.
Until his body had adjusted. Until Crowley began thrusting against something
inside of him that made Mika’s prick leaky and throb and made stars burst
behind his eyes every time Crowley hit that spot.  “Tight...fuck...fuck, you’re
tight!”  Crowley had growled in his ear as he’d bent over him from behind.
“Don't tell me this is your first time, boy.”
Mika hadn't denied, nor confirmed it. Too wrapped in the ball of pleasure
building in his core.
When Crowley had reached around to grab Mika’s prick, Mika had tried to stop
him.  “D-don't! I’m g-gonna--”
“Do it.”
Then he did, letting loose with a scream. Not caring if someone heard. This
kind of motel was catered to guests like this anyway. So he came with a bellow
until his throat was raw, Crowley increasing his pace as he unloaded into the
condom. The sound of skin slapping was obscene. Everything about this was
obscene. At Mika reveled in it, at least for the moment.
.
But now? Now Mika felt sick. He had let a complete stranger fuck his ass, take
his innocence. Part of him had always been saving himself for Yuuichiro, but he
supposed he realised last night that that would never happen with him.
So instead, he lost his virginity to a man he didn't know, in a whores motel in
a city he’d never been to, hours after his father had beat him and broken him.
There’s nothing of me left.
Crowley was still sleeping. So Mika swiped the rest of those pills he’d been
given last night after redressing and slipped from the room and back to his
own.
He stared at the pills for a while. They’d made him feel good. But now, the
guilt and hatred for himself redoubled. Tripled. Ten-fold. He dumped the pills
into his hand. 16. There were 16 of them left. These drugs were powerful. And
he’d only taken 1 before. What would 16 do? He hoped it would kill him.
His mind was blank as he swallowed them down dry. The first effects were bliss.
He saw beautiful colors, felt floaty, weightless. For about 30 minutes. Then,
pain. Only pain. Only sickness and horrid, gunch wrenching awareness of what
he’d just done. Mika convulsed, limbs spasming, seizing, his heart stuttering
as it tried to desperately pump life through his veins.
Mika made it to the bathroom, dry heaving through the nausea, then vomiting
blood. It poured from his nose, seizing as he foamed at the mouth like a rabid
dog. He felt like he’d just swallowed acid.
He prayed for death. Anything to take the pain away. The memories. Prayed for
the earth to swallow him whole and make him disappear. To extinguish his light.
He clutched the necklace.  Yuu-chan... Were his last thoughts, before his world
went black.
 
                   ----------------------------------------
 
Yuu woke in the barracks the next morning of his enlistment. It was bright and
early. He should be getting ready for his first day of basic training, but
something was stopping him. A strange sense of urgency, or like he’d forgotten
something pivotal.
He took a shower, figuring it was maybe just nerves getting to him about
joining the military. His father had been riding him hard about it, setting up
punishing exercise regimes, making him quit his job so he could take the
classes required of him to become an officer. He was hardly ever home up until
the day he had left. And even being home gave him little reprieve. Guren wanted
to see his test scores. Guren wanted to test his strength and have him practice
swordplay, even when Yuu was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to veg out
on the couch and watch a movie. Maybe hang out with his brother for a little
while.
He’d hardly ever seen Mika anymore either. He was either working at the coffee
shop, or he locked himself in him room. Many times, Yuu had knocked on his
door, asking him if he wanted to play video games, go get something to eat,
take a drive, anything. But one day, Mika had just completely shut him out.
Screamed at him to go away, telling him to fuck off, seeming to avoid him at
all costs. It went on for months. And Yuu didn't understand why.
Did I freak him out? Did I say something weird to him? Why won't he talk to me?
Why won't he LOOK at me?! Why Why Why?
It had hurt. Yuu always thought that they’d be together, and truth was, he
hadn't had a desire to join the military if that meant being separated from his
brother. But after Mika pushed him away so fiercely, what other choice did he
have? Mika didn't want to be around him anymore. So he’d left.
Fuck him.  Yuu had thought. After everything they’ve been through? After all
the hours he’d spent in detention for beating the people up who had assaulted
his brother, or pinning those to the wall who’d looked at Mika funny or with
any kind of ill intent? Mika never knew this, of course, or else he’d hear a
lecture from him, but still!
He hated seeing Mika hurt. Sometimes Yuu would come home and see him with a
black eye, or a split lip, or a bruised arm, and Yuu would just about lose his
shit. But Mika would be evasive with his answers when Yuu interrogated him.
‘Who did this? What did they look like? Where do they hang out?’
Then Mika would answer  ‘Just...some random guys by the train station.’  or
‘They were from a different school I think.’  or  ‘They had dark hair. Or maybe
it was brown? I don't really remember…’
Yuu knew that Mika was hiding something. He’d interrogated other students,
asking if they’d seen people bothering his brother when he was walking home or
getting on the train. Some of the students didn't even know who Mika was. His
brother was so damned quiet that he seemed to meld in with the rest of the
crowd, even with his blonde hair. It was maddening!
But finally, the assaults on him stopped one day. And Yuu thought that he had
finally gotten the right people afraid of him and they decided to leave him
alone. But his brother was still dodgy as fuck.
Yuu realized he’d been standing under the shower for over 10 minutes now,
thinking about Mika. Feeling heartbroken that they had left each other this
way. And the more he thought about him, the more the sense of foreboding grew.
Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.
Yuu quickly dried off and put on his civilian clothes. He’d probably get hell
for missing his first day of basic. Might even be kicked out of his military
career before it could even start, but Yuu didn't care at that moment. He had
to check on Mika. Something wasn't right. Nothing had been right with him. For
YEARS nothing had been right with him. Was it because Mika was gay? Did he feel
uncomfortable around him because of that? Yuu didn't care about all of that.
Hell, on more than one occasion he’d fantasized about his brother. But that was
normal. Mika was a knockout.
Dammit, he’d find out what was wrong with Mika. He’d kick down the fucking door
and force him to talk. He’d drag him out of the house by his pretty blonde hair
and stuff him in the trunk of the car and lock him away until he confessed.
This wasn't right. Being separated from Mika wasn't right. He could hardly
believe he’d just abandoned him like that. He’d seen the hurt in Mika’s eyes,
but Yuu was hurting too. And didn't know how else to deal with it other than
leave. Big mistake.  I’m such a fucking dick... He hoped Mika would forgive
him. He already knew Guren wouldn't. But fuck it.
 
                -----------------------------------------------
 
Can't breath!  Mika woke with a start, trying to suck air into his lungs but
his throat felt constricted. Swollen and it burned! Panicking, he clutched at
his throat and tried to scream. Everything was too bright. Too white. He
couldn't see!
“Woah! Hey! Relax! Here!” A plastic mask was pressed over his nose and mouth
then, pumping oxygen into his lungs. “Just breath...in, and out. Slow down now.
There you go. You’re ok.”
When the panic receded, memories began to resurface. A blaring ambulance.
People shouting. A hose being shoved down his throat. Then nothing. Nothing
after that but dreamless sleep. Or maybe he’d died? Mika wasn't sure. But he
was alive now. That was unfortunately true. He turned on his side, pulling the
mask away to dry heave over the side of the bed. Snot and tears dripped from
his face. His guts felt like they’d been put through a blender. He wanted to
scream. From the pain, and the frustration. He’d been so ready to die. To be
free. And he couldn't even have that freedom.
He felt a small, warm hand on his back. Rubbing soothing circles. It was a
female’s voice shushing him, telling him he was ok.
Mika rolled to his back again and wiped his face off on the sleeve of the
hospital gown he wore.  Shit...I’m in a hospital?!  Then he looked at the girl
who was in the room with him. She wasn't wearing scrubs, so she wasn't a nurse.
And she was young looking.  Very  young. Especially with the pink hair flowing
well past her waist. But her eyes held a hint of something that could only be
seen in the eyes of someone who’d lived long enough to see hardships. She
didn't look at him with pity, like he was expected. She looked at him sternly,
but there was an overlying kindness to her demeanor. Still though. Who the hell
was this? “Uh-” He tried for words, but immediately started choking.
The girl went to a small table and came back with a cup of water. Mika sipped
it, afraid he’d puke if he drank it too fast. But it helped. And the girl
waited patiently until he’d finished. “W-what happened? And...and who are you?”
The girl went to sit in one of the chairs. “My name’s Krul. Krul Tepes. My
cousin and I found you seizing in that motel room you were staying in.”
“C-cousin?”  Oh god...please don't tell me that-
“Crowley. I believe you’ve met him already? You stole his drugs from his room?
And took one too many it seems. Didn't anyone ever teach you about moderation?”
Was the girl seriously trying to make a joke right now? “I...I’m sorry…” He
wasn't sure what he was apologizing to her for. They weren't her drugs. But he
supposed she might want to get back at him from stealing from her family. He
flushed guiltily.
“Pfft. I don't care that you took them. I went to that hotel to kick his ass
for having them in the first place. Crowley’s kind of a fuck-up. Sometimes
stays in shitty motels like that to sell them to hookers and whatnot.” She
scrutinized him then. “But...you don't exactly strike me as a prostitute.”
Mika self consciously pulled the blanket higher up until it was tucked under
his chin. “N-no...No I’m not a prostitute.” There was an uncomfortable silence,
before Mika asked. “So...you found me?”
Krul nodded, turning serious once more. “Crowley shoved his fingers down your
throat, trying to get you to throw those pills up. We thought you’d died by the
time the ambulance showed up. But they revived you, pumped your stomach, did a
rape kit.”
Mika blanched. “R-rape kit?”
“Yeah. Have you seen yourself? Your arm is broken. Your face is bruised and you
have more bruises on your hips and thighs like somebody’s been groping the
living hell out of you. Dried semen on you too. All pretty clear signs of
rape.”
Mika had never felt so invaded in his life. Holy shit! And why the hell did
this Krul know all of this?! It was none of her business! “C-Crowley
didn't...a-and how do you-”
“I told them you were my boyfriend, so they gave me the 411 on you. And
Crowley’s being questioned and tested as well. You don't have to lie for him,
ya know. If he raped you, the he deserves a longer sentence than he’ll get for
those drugs. Good riddance.”
“But he didn't!” Mika protested. It wasn't Crowley’s fault. Mika had consented.
To everything. To the drugs and the drinking and the sex and… “He didn't do
anything to me that I didn't want him to do…” Fuck, this was embarrassing. But
he didn't want the man to be thrown in prison for rape. It was bad enough he
got caught with drugs because of him.
Krul was studying him again. “Then who did that to you?” She pointed at his
broken arm, which Mika just now noticed was wrapped in a proper cast.
Mika deflected. “It doesn't matter.” Then a thought struck him. “Did...was
anyone from my family contacted?!” Shit! Guren was going to find him! Then he
was likely going to kill him for running away. Not to mention the hospital bill
he’d just wracked up.
Krul crossed her arms over her chest. “Why? Are you on the run from your family
or something?”
“S-something like that…” Not a lie.
“Did someone in your family break you arm?”
Mika deflected again. “I don't want any trouble for them…”
Krul stared him down, to the point that Mika squirmed under her scrutiny. Nosy
bitch.
“Fine.” She said, standing once more and sidling over to his bedside. “Don't
tell me then. But I know a runaway when I see one. So no. Your family wasn't
contacted. But the police will be here to question you about Crowley. They’ll
ask about the broken arm, so I suggest you come up with a convincing story.”
Mika blinked at her. Who the hell did she think she was? “You’re the bossiest
little--”
“Yeah yeah, I’ve heard it before. But I saved your life all the same.”
“I didn't want to be saved!” Mika snapped. He felt tears pooling in his. Shit.
He didn't want to cry so pathetically in front of this stranger. “You should
have just left me there! Hasn't anyone ever taught you not to interfere with
other people’s lives?!”
“Then I’d be a killer.” Krul said plainly. “If I had just stood there and
watched you seize and die?” She shook her head. “Sorry. I guess you stole drugs
from the wrong person.”
“Well next time, I won't make that mistake!”
“There’s not going to be a next time.” Krul leaned in, close enough that Mika
could smell her shampoo, could see the little flecks of gold in her amber eyes.
“I don't know everything you’ve been through, but I’ve been through enough to
know that dying isn't the answer.” She reached up and untied the lace collar
around her neck, revealing a scar on her throat.
Mika gaped at it as tears streaked down his pale face. The scar was raised and
ugly and how the hell was this girl alive? It looks like somebody had slit her
throat.
“Yes.” Krul said. “My throat was slit. I don't even know how I survived.
Medical science can't explain it either. It took a couple of years of speech
therapy for me to be able to talk right again, which is a miracle as well. And
you took enough pills to put down an elephant, but somehow you survived. Which
means you’re meant to be alive for a reason.” She reached a hand up, paused
when Mika flinched, then tenderly wiped a tear from his cheek. “Let me help
you, Mika. I know how much it hurts to be betrayed by people who were supposed
to take care of you. But you can become stronger from it. Giving up and dying?”
Krul shook her head. “It’ll mean that they’ve won. Do you want the person you
drove you to this point to win?”
“N-no…” Mika sobbed out, covering his eyes with his good arm. “No. I want him
to pay!”
Krul smiled. “Good. If you can't find anything else to live for, then live for
that. Until you find a new reason to live.” She kissed the top of his head,
such a motherly gesture, and it made Mika cry harder. “I’ll take care of the
hospital bills and the police. You just focus on resting, then I’ll take you
home with me.”
Krul retired to lace collar around her neck then left the room then, allowing
Mika to gather his thoughts. Who the hell was this girl? Why was she helping
him? Why did he feel like he could trust her? She was related to a drug dealer
for fucks sake! A drug dealer Mika had lost his virginity to, but still…
Fuck it.  She had a point. He was alive, so he might as well keep living. Until
he found something else to live for.
Chapter End Notes
     OMG holy shit you guys are so awesome! I tried to reply to all of
     your comment. If I didn't get the chance, just know I read them ALL
     and they gave me so much life! Thank you!
     So this is probably going to be my last quick update for the week.
     Gonna be busy at work but I wanted to gift you wonderful readers with
     another fast update in thanks for all the support!
     This chapter literally wrote itself. Idk why, but it just flowed from
     me. Don't hate me for the Crowley scene! It was necessary. I think...
     And I wasn't gonna add a Yuu POV for a while yet, but I know a lot of
     you have been wanting to know what Yuu's thinking of all of this. I
     don't think this would give Yuu complete redemption, but maybe some
     insight? Hopefully.
     Anyways, yay for Krul?! Yeah?
     I'll try to get the next chapter out this weekend. <3 you all! Lemme
     know what you think :3
***** Chapter 8 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
4 Years Later
Mika got to a point in his life where he finally felt comfortable in his own
skin. He’d been welcomed into Krul’s family with open arms. A band of misfits
all living in a large house in the suburbs of Nagoya.
After his suicide attempt 4 years ago, Krul had paid for his hospital bills
while Mika relayed to the police what had happened. Leaving out the parts about
Crowley giving him the drugs and alcohol and telling them that the man hadn't
raped him. Crowley was sent to serve 2 years in jail for the drugs without
parole.
When they started asking about the bruises on his face and broken arm, Mika
began to sweat. These cops were sharp, and had their suspicions, but Mika had
insisted it was just a fight, and he’d managed to set and splint his own arm.
The police didn't really buy his story, but they left it at that when they
couldn't get anymore out of the blonde.
Krul filled in bits and pieces of Mika’s story to make everything more
credible. Apparently the girl was experienced with this sort of thing. Which
Mika wasn't sure was a good or a bad thing. But he was grateful nonetheless
when they cops finally left him alone.
He was released from the hospital the next day, and Krul brought him his bag of
clothes she had apparently filched from his hotel room so he could change.
When he opened the bad, he released she had gone through his things. He checked
his wallet. His meager amount of money was still there, and his ID, but it
wasn't in the same pocket he’d left it in. He glared over at Krul, who whistled
at the ceiling. No wonder she knew his name before he’d even told her.
.
The first week at Krul’s place was strange. There were several others living in
the house. Mika took Crowley’s old room until his own was ready. There were
also 2 other guys who lived in the house, Lacus and Rene. They were together.
Like, a couple, together. Mika had never met a gay couple before, and it was
almost shocking to witness how open they were about their sexuality with one
another.
Many times, Mika would walk into the Kitchen and see Lacus perched atop the
counter, his slim legs wrapped around Rene's waist and their lips explored one
another. Mika would blush furiously and run from the scene. Until one day,
Lacus had peered over Rene’s shoulder and asked  ‘Care to join us, Mika?’
Mika’s one night stand with Crowley hadn't prepared him for any of this. On top
of all of that, a strange, and very flamboyant man, kept coming around the
house. Krul didn't seem to like him much. He was Crowley’s  lover  as Krul had
called him. Ferid was his name. He was extremely attractive, in an androgynes
sort of way.
At first, it was hard to tell whether Ferid was male or female; with his long
slate hair tied back with a bow and earrings and painted nails. Not really
Mika’s thing, but the man seemed to have zeroed in on him. Which gave Mika the
creeps. Krul kept him at bay, but Mika could understand the reason for Ferid’s
lingering, since Crowley was in prison. All in all, the man was harmless,
except for a stray grope or caress here and there, which earned him a slap from
Krul every time she saw it happen.
Mika grew to love the girl. Not in a romantic sense. Not even sisterly. She was
something more. She protected him like a mother would, even though she was
maybe only a couple of years older than him, to Mika’s surprise. But the love
he felt for her ran so much deeper than love for a friend. He couldn't place
it.
He didn't think of her in a sexual context, for obvious reasons. But she’d
become a constant in his life. Somebody to confide in. To tell his secrets to.
And after months after months of the nightmares and crying out Yuu’s name at
night in fear and loneliness, he’d finally confessed to her one night when
she’d come into his room to wake him from another night terror.
Krul had held his head against her chest, and Mika found himself wrapping his
arms around her, burying his face in her neck as he sobbed. And she just lay
there with him. Silent. Patient as always. Waiting. She never pushed Mika to
talk about his past. But one night, he just broke. Being wrapped up in her arms
and feeling loved for the first time in so long made words spill from his mouth
of their own accord.
‘He hated me.’  Mika had cried.  ‘He only adopted me because Yuu-chan refused
to leave the orphanage without me. He found out about my feelings for Yuu-chan.
Told me I was sick, because Yuu-chan is my brother. He beat the shit out of me,
Krul. He tried to beat the sickness out of me. But I never got better. I’m
still a freak. I’m still in love with Yuu-chan! I can't make it go away!’  He’d
sobbed openly . ‘I don't want to hurt like this anymore!’  On and on he went,
relaying the beatings Guren had given him, how much of an outcast he was. How
he was so afraid of losing his brother that he never revealed any of this to
anybody. Ever.
‘You’re not a freak, Mika.’  Krul had whispered as she softly stroked his hair.
‘Not any more than the rest of the world. You’re you. You love someone
unconditionally. Which is a beautiful, pure thing. Don't let your father
dissuade you of that.’
Mika shook his head.  ‘It’s not pure. It’s dirty! I had dirty thoughts about
him! I wanted to do...things...with him. To him, have him do things to me-’
‘You were a child whose entire life revolved around one person. Then you grew
into a young man whose entire life was still revolved around that same person.
Of course you’d think of him that way. You loved him before you even knew what
loving somebody involved. He’s not even your blood relative, Mika. There’s
nothing wrong with how you feel, no matter how you two were raised.’
Mika wanted to believe that, so badly. But years of being told how sick he was,
having it beat into him, couldn't change in just the course of one night and in
the span of a few sentences.  
.
Once Mika was completely healed, he began looking into schools to go to in the
city. He didn't have money to pay for tuition, so Krul had helped him apply for
scholarships and fill out applications.
He didn't really think he stood a chance, so he started applying for jobs. He
wanted to repay Krul for her hospitality, as well as saving his life. He was no
longer angry with her for not letting him die. After a few weeks of living
under her care, he finally began to see possibilities unfolding before him, for
the first time his life.
Then, Mika had been granted a scholarship. He hardly believed it when he opened
the letter, and was accepted into one of the best Universities in Nagoya.
Possibilities…
And Mika knew exactly what he wanted to be. He wanted to be someone who made
sure that no child was ever abused by their guardian again.
.
For an entire year of living in Krul’s household, Mika began to notice
different things. For one, Krul was never fazed by the sexual escapades of
Lacus and Rene. And two, she never seemed interested in dating anybody.
When Mika asked her one day if she was ever uncomfortable about being the only
female in a house full of men, Krul had said  ‘If you hadn't noticed, Mika,
they’re all gay.’
‘Well yeah. But still, you’re the only single person in the house too aside
from me. Are you not interested in dating or something?’
Krul had raised a brow, and deadpanned  ‘I’m asexual, Mika.’
Mika had blinked at her. He’d never heard the term, didn't know what that
meant.  ‘Um...a sexual...what?’
‘Sex doesn't interest me. But it interests others, obviously. So yeah...things
don't exactly work out once a relationship gets to that point.’
‘O-oh…’  Mika blushed, feeling stupid for asking such a stupid question.
But Krul just chuckled.  ‘Is that weird to you?’
‘N-no!’  Krul shook his head frantically. Fuck, he didn't want to offend her!
‘No! It’s just...I always thought that EVERYONE was interested in...ya know…’
‘Sex?’
Mika blushed harder at the word.  ‘Yeah…’
‘Say it.’
‘Say what?’  Mika blinked.
‘Say the word sex.’  She crossed her arms over her chest, an amused smile on
her lips.  ‘You’re not a virgin, Mika. You can say that word you know. You’re
not gonna make God cry.’
Mika knew it was stupid, but he’d never really said the word out loud. And
saying it in front of this girl felt like saying it in front of his mother. Or
what he’d imagine saying it in front of a mother would be like. Embarrassing,
to say the least. On top of which-  ‘I’m still a virgin, Krul. Well...I mean,
not-I mean with Crowley? He was the one--and I never…’
Krul smiled at him, less smirking this time.  ‘Ya know, Lacus and Rene are good
guys. And they’re in an open relationship. I’m not gonna tell you to fuck them,
but hey, if you’ve been sexually repressed and need an outlet? They’re
interested in you.’
.
At first, Mika declined. Once was enough for him. He’d scratched that itch and
sated his curiosity with Crowley, and figured it would just be himself and his
hand from there on out.
Until Crowley was released from prison.
The man had strode in, gentle smile on his face, and took one look at Mika and
smirked, saying  ‘So, if I go into my room, will I smell you on my sheets?’
Mika had moved out of Crowley’s room a week ago and into his own once Krul had
heard that Crowley was being released. He’d washed all his bedding and made
sure there wasn't a trace of him left in there. But Mika still found himself
saying  ‘M-maybe…’
Crowley had crept into Mika’s bedroom that night, obviously hard up from his
prison sentence. As if the monster of a man didn't have his  bitches  in jail.
But Mika had let Crowley strip him down. His hands were slow, roaming, rough
against his skin and it felt good. It felt really good. For 2 years, he hadn't
been touched like this. And the first time Mika had sex, he was so fucked up
that he couldn't recall the sensations the next morning. He knew Crowley wasn't
the most stand up guy. He’d dealt drugs, he went to jail, he was fucking that
flamboyant guy Ferid, but he was familiar. The man had already seen his body,
had known it better than anyone else had, so with that in mind, Mika was
comfortable enough to let the man have him again.
Crowley was much more gentle this time. More slow with the preparation.
Allowing Mika more time to adjust to his size after he slid into him. It still
hurt at first, since it had been so long, but this time Mika savored the burn
and stretch. And this time, he imagined it was Yuu doing this to him.
When Yuu’s face flashed in his mind as Crowley thrust into him, he tried to
stamp in down at first. But why? What was the point? Crowley knew who Mika
longed for, and obviously didn't mind being a sexual outlet for him.
‘Call me Yuu-chan, Mika. If it helps you get there, you can call me whatever
you like. Don't be afraid.’
And the freedom to do so made Mika go wild. Some snapped in him that night.
These people were so open, so accepting, and understood the amount of pain Mika
had gone through. The longing he felt. And they gave him the freedom to use
them, as a proxy of sorts.
He let his fantasies run wild. Everything he wanted Yuu to do to him, he told
Crowley to do. And Crowley was more than happy to comply. And moaned Mika’s
name so sweetly, just like Mika would imagine Yuu doing when he came. And Mika
would cry out Yuu’s name when Crowley pounded into his sweet spot enough to
spur Mika into wantonly bucking backwards to meet Crowley’s thrusts until he’d
cum all over his sheets. Then Collapse. Sated. And for once, a smile graced his
lips afterwards. He didn't feel ashamed afterwards. He’d fantasized about his
brother while being railed by Crowley’s huge cock, and he didn't even care.
Because these people wouldn't judge him.  How freeing...
.
That was the second, and the last time, Crowley had touched him. Ferid had
started coming by the house again and staying over almost every night.
Mika wasn't hurt. They were together, and apparently, Ferid was the jealous
type. Though, he would still hit on Mika whenever he saw him, he didn't want
him and Crowley fucking anymore.
Mika made it a couple a months, before an odd new craving began to settle into
him. He’d been so busy with schooling, that he hadn't even thought about it.
But now that finals were over, and he had time to actually think, he began to
feel... needy… Yeah. That was the word Mika preferred to use. Because the word
horny was  way  too pornagraphic for him.
Even when he seeked out Lacus and Rene one day. They were studying together in
the living room, connected at the hip as always, when Mike strode in one day.
‘Hey there, Mika.’  Lacus had greeted. Always the outgoing one. Always friendly
and inviting.
‘Um...hey…’  Mika tried to look everywhere but at them, but it was hard not to
stare. Lacus; with his crazy purple hair tied up in a bun and his golden eyes
glittering. And Rene; with his cool side shave that made him look almost
dangerous with his stoic expression and dark coffee colored eyes...though Mika
had seen the normally blase looking man’s expression when he was all blissed
out on more than one occasion, and the thought of him looking like that while
with him made Mika’s dick ache to be touched by him.
‘What’s up?’  Rene asked, pulling Mika out of his thoughts.
Mika shuffled uncomfortably.  ‘So...well-’  Fuck, he didn't know how to go
about this. He’d never really talked to these two much in fear that he was
invading their private-not so private- time together. They knew his secret as
well; they’d heard Mika crying out Yuu’s name when Crowley was fucking him. And
he was sure they’d heard it when he’d masturbated to fantasies of Yuu. Yet,
they’d never asked.
Lacus stared at him expectantly, patiently waiting for him to continue.
‘I just wanted to say...Um, if you ever want a third? Or-or whatever...I
mean...I’m just trying to say…’  Mika wanted to facepalm himself. He’d never in
a million years pictured himself asking for sex. But here he was. And it
sucked.
Lacus grinned wide.  ‘Oh, Mika. You finally decided to join us?’
When Mika nibbled his bottom lip self consciously and nodded, Lacus and Rene
both set their studies aside and sat up in unison. It would have been almost
comical how eager they were, if Mika wasn't already so hard up and ready.
‘C’mere, Mika-kun.’  Rene patted the cushion of the couch between himself and
Lacus.
Mika sidled over, still unsure of himself and awkwardly sat between the two
other men.
Rene tucked a lock of hair behind Mika’s ear and the blonde stared at his hands
in his lap.  ‘If you have limitations, say so, Mika. We won't make you do
anything you don't want to do.’
Thank god for Rene. Mika didn't know how to say that he didn't want to fuck
either of them in the ass. That he didn't want to kiss on the mouth either. He
wanted to be used. Mika wanted to be the one getting fucked. And both men were
perfectly fine with that. They didn't press or ask why. And Mika honestly
didn't want to admit why. Didn't want to admit that some deep seated part of
him was still saving something for Yuu-chan. Even though he knew he’d never see
him again. But if Mika died without knowing what it was like to put his own
dick in someone, then he was ok with that. And the kissing? Too romantic. Mika
didn't want romance. He just wanted release. And he obviously had a knack for
bottoming. At least with Crowley. He wondered how Lacus and Rene would be.
Mika had felt more on an equal playing field with the two. With Crowley, it was
all submission and stiff fucking and his face being squashed down into pillows
and just  taking it.  With Lacus, he was coaxing, teasing and playful as he
taught Mika how to go down on Rene as he sucked Mika off to demonstrate.
Lacus and Rene were generous with their bodies, always giving Mika what he
needed, even when he thought he didn't need it.
It had only happened once or twice, but Mika would find himself riding Rene,
then Lacus would nudge inside him from behind. At first, Mika didn't know what
to think of the situation. There he was, Rene’s dark eyes locked on his and he
bounced on his cock, Rene’s hand firmly squeezing and pumping Mika’s shaft in
tandem, and the next moment he felt full. Too full. Almost to the point of
tears.
Oh god.... Mika had thought.  Is this what I’ve become?  He’d groaned like a
greedy whore as Lacus and Rene’s cocks both slid in and out of him. Even when
he’d felt appalled at himself.
But the pleasure from it?  Fuck.  It was too much to resist. Mika relished in
the pain of being fucked by two dicks at once, and for the first time, he
didn't think about Yuuichiro during sex. He was nothing but sensations and
agony and cumming so hard he couldn't even see straight afterwards.  I don’t
want this...I’m not this kind of person!  Even when he thought this, he’d let
it happen. More than once. Because it helped him forget. Helped him to live in
the moment and not in the past.
Lacus and Rene knew how to push his limits, how to break Mika out of this
little shell he’d created around himself to protect his heart.
But the two other men didn't want his heart. They only wanted his body. And
they never pushed his hard limits either. They knew who Mika really wanted.
But, over the years, Mika finally felt as if longings for his brother had
finally slipped into the background. Lacus and Rene were his sexual outlets, he
had his schooling, he had a good job working as a private agent for government
issued cases about child abuse, and would soon become an official agent once
he’d graduated. He was in a god place. And he had Krul to thank for his new
life.
His situation wasn't permanent, but he’d grown to care for these people. Not so
far as to call them family, only Krul. He thought of Krul as his family. He’d
never be able to continue his life without her in it. But everyone made it
easier for him to forget his past, and look towards a brighter, more freeing
future.
 
               ------------------------------------------------
 
It was late in the night, when Mika heard a strange sound in the house. He knew
Krul was asleep. She always went to bed early to be fresh for her and Mika’s
jogging session at sunup. Lacus and Rene had had a go at it that night, but
Mika was too tired to imbibe so he knew that they were passed out, and Crowley
was staying at Ferid’s. So who was up?
Curiosity got the better of him, and Mika padded out of his room towards the
source of the sound. He stopped by Krul’s and Lacus and Rene’s shared bedroom,
peeking inside. They were all in bed.
What the-?  Then a thought struck him.  Are we being robbed?!  On his way
downstairs and to the kitchen, Mika picked up the fire poker that was in the
living room, holding it like a baseball bat. Ready to strike whoever-
A shadow, just there! Mika lunged forward, intending to whack whoever had
invaded in home in the face. But the bastard caught it!  What the-?
“Ahh!” Mika screeched as he was thrown to the ground, still unable to see his
assailant as he was pinned. Mika scratched at the man’s arms, screaming for
help and trying to kick his legs to get that fucker off of him. God damn! The
man was strong!
“Easy there, tiger.” The man above him said with an amused tone.
Mika froze, blinking several times, trying desperately to get his eyes to
adjust so he could see the attacker. But the little hairs on his neck rose.
Mika knew that voice anywhere, even when it was a couple of octaves deeper than
the last time he’d heard it. All those years ago.
Finally, Mika’s vision adjusted. And he caught a glimpse of raven hair and an
emerald gaze peering down at him from above. “Y-Yuu-chan?!”
Chapter End Notes
     I said I'd update this weekend, so here's me keeping my promise to
     you! :)
     Soo...yeah...Yuu is back! Yay? Boo?...
     Sorry if you hated the Lacus/Rene/Mika thing. But for some reason I
     love it and it was necessary to help him forget Mika.
     Only now, Yuu's back to fuck him up again.
     Lemme know what you think! I love your comments to much :) I've read
     them all and as always, I cant thank you enough for the feedback!
     xoxo
***** Chapter 9 *****
Chapter Summary
     Yuu's POV
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
This wasn't how Yuu had pictured reuniting with Mika, but  god  how he felt
under him, the way he smelled, the way his pupils retracted upon realization
and made the blue of his eyes seem to glow in the darkness... Stunning.
Then he heard more movement in the house.  Shit.  Maybe sneaking in hadn't been
his brightest idea in the world, but he had to know. Had to know if this was
really the place. If he’d at long last found his brother in this mcmansion in
the wealthy part of Nagoya. So yeah...he’d picked the locks and snuck in, just
to take a look. To see if there were pictures of Mika, maybe with a family.
Maybe Mika was bisexual and had found a woman to love him like he deserved and
fathered children? Or maybe he’d found a boyfriend and they lived together here
with some adopted kids? Mika had always held a fondness for orphans like Yuu
had, since they were orphans themselves.
If that was the case, if Mika had his own family, then he’d disappear. He’d
never show his face here and leave Mika to his happiness.
But there was no evidence of children in the house. The pictures on the walls
were all of sceneries and artful photography and no indication that Mika
actually lived here.
For a moment, Yuu thought he’d broke into the wrong house. That the sources
he’d gathered to find Mika had been incorrect. There weren't many men by the
name of Mikaela in Japan, but his brother had apparently changed his last name,
which made it difficult for Yuu to find him.
Then in the kitchen, he’d bumped one of the dining table chairs and the sound
was nearly ear-splitting in the silence.  Shit.
He’d seen a flash of blonde, illuminated by the scant moonlight shining through
the windows. And then the blonde had attacked him!
4 years of military experience had prepared him for combat, and he’d pinned the
man easily enough. Only after the scuffle, when his brother was beneath him,
did Yuu realize that it was actually Mika.
His blue eyes darted wildly, obviously not just adjusted to the darkness yet as
he struggled beneath him.
Then, just when Mika had squeaked out his name in such a way that made Yuu want
to crush him to his chest for all eternity, the lights flipped on.
Oh fuck-
“Mika!” A small, pink haired chick charged him, and before Yuu could even laugh
at her tiny stature, she fucking round-house kicked him in the face, knocking
him on his ass and off of Mika.
Two other men appeared then just as the girl pinned his shoulders with her
knees and wrapped her hands around his throat, pressing just hard enough to
make him gag. But he peered past her, seeing the other two helping a gobsmacked
looking Mika to his feet.
Their hands on him, almost in a possessive manner, made Yuu’s chest ache. He
contemplated throwing the girl off of him, but he didn't want to hurt her. He
could subdue another man, but this chick was so tiny, he feared hurting her.
“Krul! Don't hurt him!” Mika looked frantic.
As if she could hurt me.  Yuu inwardly scoffed.
Without looking back at him, this  Krul,  or whatever, sneered in Yuu’s face
“This motherfucker broke into our house. He deserves a good ass beating!”
Yuu wanted to laugh, but then the pressure increased on his throat, and when he
tried to struggle, he realized then just how strong this girl was.
“Krul, please...please don't hurt Yuu-chan…”
Krul blinked at Yuu, then let go of his throat and quickly got off of him. A
light pink tinted her cheeks and she backpedaled to stand next to Mika and the
two other guys who were whispering to each other behind Mika.  The hell?
Then Mika leaned in and whispered something into Krul’s ear. She gave him a
resigned look, then ushered the other two out of the room.
Yuu got up off the floor, rubbing at his throat. It still ached a little from
Krul’s grip. “Well... that  was exciting!” Yuu smiled sheepishly, feeling
nervous all of a sudden when Mika crossed his arms over his chest and glared at
him haughtily. “What are you doing here, Yuuichiro?”
Yuu nearly flinched at the formal use of his name. He’d never imagined Mika
being so cold towards him. “I, uh--” He shifted uncomfortably, not really
certain how to go about explaining himself. “I came to see you?”
Mika raised a brow. “You broke into my house.” He deadpanned.
“Yeah, look, I’m really sorry about all that! Cool digs by the way.” Yuu gazed
around at the large kitchen and dining room appraisingly. “This is a nice
place. You seem to be doing very well for yourself.” He looked back to Mika,
who was now studying the floor and an almost stricken expression. “Do
you...have anything to drink? Beer maybe?” Yuu figured maybe having a drink
together would loosen the tension.
Mika blinked at him, puzzled, then sighed and went to the fridge, pulling out a
beer for Yuu and one for himself. After popping them open, he handed one to Yuu
and went to sit at the dining table.
Yuu followed, eyeing the tension in Mika’s back and noting how much taller he’d
grown. Mika was still lean, but his body looked muscular until his white shirt
and thin pajama bottoms, his waist narrow...Yuu inwardly shook himself. Now
wasn't the time for that.
Yuu sat across from Mika, who wasn't meeting his eyes when he said “It’s been
four years, Yuu...Why now? And how did you find me?”
Yuu sighed, feeling the guilt weighing down on him. And knew that he had to
tell the truth. “I...was convinced that you didn't want to be found, Mika.”
“I didn't.” Mika said and took a swig of his beer.
“Why? You changed your name, you disappeared Mika. And  Shindo?  What was wrong
with being a Hyakuya like me?”
“I had my reasons, Yuu. And I wanted to become my own person. Changing my
surname was just something I felt I needed to do to move on.” Mika said and he
picked at the label on the beer bottle. “Seemed to work, if it took you four
years to find me.”
Yuu bit his lip. “Actually, I started looking for you a couple of months ago.
Just a little bit after I  left the Army.”
Mika was silent for long moments, seeming to consider this for a moment. “So
you only stayed in for four years? Thought you were going to make a career out
of it?”
“I was…” Yuu flushed. He wasn't ready to admit the truth yet. “But in the end,
it wasn't what I really wanted…” He raised his gaze to look at Mika, but his
brother wouldn't look at him in return. So he took that moment to study Mika’s
stunning face. He had his pushed back from his forehead, one side tucked behind
his slightly pointed ear. Mika had always been self conscious about his ears.
Yuu found them adorable.
But there was something different about Mika. He held this quiet air of
confidence about him that Yuu hadn't seen since they were children. Which, Yuu
had to admit to himself, was hot as hell.
But there was also a level of indifference, which sucked. And Yuu didn't know
what to do to get Mika to stop being so cold to him. “So...that girl, Krul? Is
she your...uhh…?”
“No.” Mika said simply. “But she’s like family to me. She saved me when...when
I was in a very dark place in my life.”
Dark place?  Yuu couldn't even imagine what Mika must have gone through. He
knew there was a good reason why he left home. But he just wasn't certain what
that reason was.
 
                                      ***
 
When Yuu had burst into Guren’s house that day he’d come back for Mika, Guren
had been furious with him.  ‘What the hell are you doing here?!’  Guren had
yelled.
But Yuu ignored him, making a beeline for Mika’s bedroom.  ‘Mika?’  He’d
shouted.  ‘Mika!-Don't touch me!’  He flung out of Guren’s vice like grip
around his arm and opened his brother’s bedroom door.
‘He’s gone.’  Guren had said from behind him as Yuu gaped at the empty room.
There were belongings strewn about and items missing from his room. He’d left
the picture of them they had taken on Mika’s 17th birthday, and it made Yuu
want to cry.
‘What do you mean gone?!’  Yuu whirled around on Guren.  ‘Where did he go? What
did he say?!’
Guren had crossed his arms, contempt painting his features.  ‘He left in the
night. Said now that you left, he can get out of here. Said he felt smothered
by you and wanted to be free from you and on his own.’
Yuu’s heart had hammered in his chest, shaking his head slowly in disbelief.
‘No...no, Mika didn't feel that way. Mika’s my family!’
‘Mika’s gone, Yuuichiro. He packed a bag and left. I tried to stop him, but he
was determined to get out of here. Didn't say where he was going.’
‘Did he leave a message for me? Didn't he say anything?! What about his
phone?!’  Yuu pulled out his phone to call him, but Guren held Mika phone up in
his hand.  ‘I’m telling you, Yuuichiro, he doesn't want to see you again! Mika
doesn't want to be a part of this family anymore. He’s moved on.’  
Yuu could feel himself shaking with fury, sadness, a thousand other conflicting
emotions. He didn't understand. It was so out of Mika’s character. But he
supposed, a lot of Mika’s actions over the past few months were out of
character as well. Had he really not seen this coming? Did Mika honestly hate
him that much? It didn't make sense…  “If you leave me here…”  Mika had said
before Yuu had left.
Yuu hadn't realized what he’d meant then. But he’d realized too late that he
never should have left Mika behind.
Biggest mistake of my life…
That was the first time Guren had hit him. Punched him so hard in the face that
Yuu saw spots, but he’d barely moved an inch. His head had whipped to the side,
then he’d turned back to Guren with a sneer.  ‘That all you got, old man?’
‘Damn it, Yuuichiro! I have done EVERYTHING for you! You have any idea how much
money, how much time you’ve cost me?! And for what? For that brat who runs off
without a care about anyone but himself?’
‘He’s your son you bastard!’  Yuu yelled in Guren’s face.
‘Not anymore.’  Guren grabbed the back of Yuu’s neck, hauling him outside and
to Guren’s car.  ‘Get in.’
‘No!’  Yuu fought against him.  ‘We have to find him! I don't care if he hates
me! Dad we have to, he could be in trouble!’  He felt this, in the pit of his
stomach, Yuu felt that Mika was in danger.
Guren slapped him in the face, then brought him up nearly nose to nose with a
killing look in his eyes.  ‘Stop it, Yuuichiro!’  He shook him.  ‘You’re acting
like a fucking child. You’re going to get in the damn car, and you better
fucking PRAY that they accept you into the military after this stunt you
pulled. If you fuck this up…’
Yuu was panting, tears streaming down his face from the shock of being struck,
twice, by his dad. The shock of Mika being gone, and the realization that Guren
had no intention of looking for him, made him feel dazed.
Yuu sat dumbly in the car as Guren drove him back to the base, then pulled some
strings to allow Yuu to continue in the military and start his basic training.
Then he’d left.
He’d tried to come to terms with the notion of not having Mika in his life. But
after 4 years of trying to forget, 4 years of military career couldn't keep his
brother from his mind. As the years went on, he’d kept in contact with his old
squad. Shinoa, Yoichi and the others had searched for Mika as well. But nobody
would find him.
In Yuu’s down time, he’d tried to find him online, and posted all over social
networking sites about his missing brother, in hopes that maybe somebody would
come across him out there in the world, and maybe Yuu would be able to find
him.
But none of that had worked.
When Yuu’s 4 years was up, he made a choice not to reenlist. He went home, a
duffel full of clothes and the medals he’d earned during his service, and told
his father he was done. He’d been a good soldier, he’d progressed quickly in
his ranks and sure, he’d made Guren proud of him. But without his brother in
his life it had felt...empty.
Needless to say, his admittance to his father about him leaving the service and
his intentions now that he was out...well, it didn't end so well...
 
                                      ***
                                        
It took Yuu a while to realize it, but he was finally looking at himself and
his relationship with Mika for what it was; an undeniable connection to
somebody who he’d always admired and loved. And it took a long time for Yuu to
actually realize how much he really needed Mika in his life.
Was it selfish? Probably. Did he cross a line by breaking into Mika’s house and
invading his admittedly great seeming life? Yep. But since when had Yuu ever
done anything after thinking about the consequences first? Yuu acted without
thinking, but he’d almost landed on his feet. Sometimes he’d land on his feet
in the middle of a shit storm, but he had good intentions. Or so he’d hoped.
“Mika,” Yuu reached over the table to touch his brother’s hand, but Mika drew
it away and put his hands in his lap.
“You didn't answer my question, Yuu. Why are you here? I know it’s not because
you just wanted to have a beer and hang out. I haven't seen you in years. I
didn't want to be found!” Mika’s teeth were gritted in anger.
Had Guren been telling the truth all those years ago? Did his brother truly
hate him? Was he really only waiting for an opportunity to leave? Considering
the icy glare and complete lack of affection from Mika, he was starting to
believe it...
“I have a life now!” Mika’s voice was rising steadily. “I have friends. A
family! People who care about me! I’m in a good place and it took me awhile to
get here. And then you just show up out of the blue like this?!”
Yuu swallowed and stood. “I’m sorry Mika. I’ll leave, okay? I’m really sorry
for barging in like this.” Yuu dug into his pocket, pulling out an envelope.
Their time together was over for the night. He may as well tell him what he
initially came here for. “But there actually is a pretty valid reason why I’m
here.” He handed Mika the envelope, containing the place, time and date he
needed to be at next week. “Guren’s dead...”
  
Chapter End Notes
     Not sure how I felt about this chapter...
     I'm not making excuses for Yuu, but I felt like I should reveal Yuu's
     intentions and that his feelings actually did run a bit deeper than
     Mika realized.
     But now Mika's cold towards him...So yeah...that happened.
     Mika's POV will be next about this situation.
     BTW...the thing with Guren...I'm sorry I did that thing. It was a bad
     thing I did. But...ya know, I feel like it needed to be done.
     Love me or hate me, let me know your thoughts. You all continue to
     fuel me. Thank you for that :)
***** Chapter 10 *****
Chapter Notes
     The * throughout the breaks in this chapter mean the change in POV.
     Also, Yuu references something Mika said in the past. Can you guess
     what it is?
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Mika’s lips parted. Had he heard right? Guren is...dead?! “...What?” He said
dazedly.
“The date, time and place of the funeral are in that envelope.” Yuu responded.
“I also wrote my cell number and where I’m staying in Nagoya for the next two
days. In case you wanna...ya know...talk about it. Or something…”
Mika watched Yuu shuffle his feet self consciously.  What the hell... Mika
wondered, still in a bit of a daze from the news of their father’s death. He
couldn't quite believe it. Couldn't quite believe Yuu was even here, in the
flesh. In his fucking kitchen. Drinking his beer. Trying to touch him...
From the moment he'd realized it was actually Yuuichiro in his home, Mika froze
up. Not knowing how to act or what to say, he’d opted for silence and let Yuu
say his piece. But when his brother started to become dodgy about his reasoning
for just breaking in and showing up in his life again after so many years,
Mika’s only instinct was to react in anger.
Lashing out was safer, Mika reasoned. Lashing out wouldn't hurt as much as his
longing for the man before him. And  god  how the longing redoubled after
seeing him again after so long.
Yuu had grown into this tanned, muscular and intense looking man; his black
hair still tousled, he was still an inch or two shorter than himself but built
beautifully. Mika had often fantasized about the man Yuuichiro might become,
but seeing him for himself? It was almost his undoing.
Mika was ashamed to admit to himself, that the first thought that had popped
into his head after hearing of Guren’s death was;  Now Guren can't keep me from
him.  But he frantically shook away the thought. Old fears died hard. And just
because Guren was gone, didn't mean that Yuu would automatically want him.
.
Mika opened the envelope and saw that the funeral was being held at the
military base in the Shinjuku prefecture. Turning the card over, it had Yuu’s
number and hotel and room number scrawled on the back.
Yuu drank the rest of his beer. “I hope you’ll come, Mika.” The look in his
eyes was so sad, so vulnerable it made Mika’s gut twist. “And I hope you will
give me a call sometime. Whether you come to the funeral or not, I would really
like to see you again…”
Yuu started making his way to the front door as Mika followed dumbly. At the
threshold, Yuu looked like he wanted to give Mika a hug, but instead he patted
him on the shoulder. “You look good, Mika. I’m happy you found a family…” The
sadness in those emerald depths intensified. “It was nice seeing you again.”
And with that, he left.
Mika closed the front door with a soft  click  after watching Yuuichiro get
into his car and drive away.
He sank to his knees, pressing his forehead against the front door and feeling
like he couldn't catch his breath.
O nce his brain finally caught up with the rest of his body, his thoughts
whirred;  Yuu was here. Guren is dead. Yuu was in my house. Yuu wants me to
call him. Yuu wants to see me again…
On and on his mind scrambled from the adrenaline, when he felt a small hand on
his back. “Mikaela?”
Mika didn't realize he’d been crying until he’d blinked up at Krul who was
standing over him.
“Mika,” Krul prompted again. “Are you ok?”
Mika took a few steadying breaths to gather himself, then he stood and wiped
his eyes with his forearm. “Yeah…” He turned to head for the stairs. “I’m going
to bed.”
Krul stared after him as Mika trudged up the stairs as if he weighed a thousand
pounds; his feet dragging and movements stiff with tension. But she knew better
than to press the issue. She knew how vulnerable Mika was right now.
 
 
                       ---------------------------------
 
 
Mi ka woke early that morning in a haze, thinking that last night had been a
dream. But when he went downstairs to the kitchen, he saw that the beer bottles
were still set on the dining table; Yuu’s empty one and Mika’s barely touched.
He grabbed the empty one, holding it up and inspecting it as if it contained
all the answers to this situation. He brought the bottle to his lips, drinking
the last couple of drops in the bottom. He still tasted Yuu’s essence, the
saliva from his mouth on the bottle tasted sweet. Mika wanted to take it into
him.
He set the bottle down a little harder than he intended and the sounds echoed
in the empty room, snapping Mika out of his stupor.
He was fucked, he knew it. Yuu was back in his life and he wouldn't be leaving.
Mika had a talent for determining who would be a constant in his life. He’d
felt that way about Krul. She would forever be a part of his future. He’d felt
that way about Yuu his whole life, since the day he’d met him when they were
innocent children. The feeling had began to fade as the years went by while he
lived with Krul.
But now it was back, because Yuu was back. And he didn't want to lose him
again. Even if he could only ever have him as a brother and nothing more, he
didn't want Yuu to fade from his life again.
It angered Mika, the dependence on Yuuichiro, and he wanted so badly to be cold
to the man and push him away. He’d tried. Last night, he’d tried to push
Yuuichiro away and get him to leave before his heart could break again. But it
was too late.  I want him just as badly as ever... Even though he was still
angry with him, and it was irrational because Yuu had simply lived his life for
himself and had done what he thought was right.
But a selfish part of Mika wished that Yuu had lived his life with him still in
mind. And it hurt that the only reason his brother had shown up again was to
deliver the news of their deceased father.
Which Mika still wasn't sure how he felt about that. The man had abused him,
hurt him physically, mentally and emotionally. He was the reason Mika had tried
to take his own life, the reason for his suffering. So no...Mika wasn't sad
about his death. But Yuu seemed to be. And he was angry that Guren had ruined
Yuuichiro’s life too because of his death. Even beyond the grave, the man still
managed to fuck up their lives.
 
 
                    ______________________________________
 
 
After a couple of hours of thinking it over, Mika decided it would best for him
to meet up with his brother. It was painful to see him, but Mika was used to
the pain. He concluded that maybe Yuuichiro needed him right now. Why else
would he stay in the city for a couple of days? He was hoping Mika would come
around. Maybe he needed somebody to talk to. Yuuichiro was probably taking
Guren’s death pretty hard.
He stared at his phone for a while, his finger hovering over the call icon,
Yuu’s number displayed on the screen. But he couldn't bring himself to call his
brother. Mika had never been good with talking to people, much less over the
phone. He couldn't gauge their facial expressions and determine the right words
to say that way.
So he decided that it would be best to just meet up with him. He got into his
car, plugging the address into the GPS. The hotel wasn't far from Mika’s house,
but the drive seemed to take forever as his hands shook on the steering wheel
with anticipation.
*
Mika paced in front of the hotel room door for a good 10 minutes, unable to
bring himself to knock.
This is pathetic.  He thought. He was so afraid of being in Yuu’s vicinity,
that he couldn't even bring himself to knock on his brother’s door.
Mika sighed, concluding that maybe tomorrow would be a better for this.
Until the door opened.
“Mika?” Yuu had opened the door, having seen Mika’s flash of blonde hair
through the window.
Mika stopped in his tracks, turning to look at the man. “Uh...hey.” Mika said
awkwardly. “I, um...I wasn't sure which room was yours, so…”
Yuu blinked at him. If he knew Mika was lying, he didn't call him out on it.
Which Mika was thankful for. “Well, you’ve got the right place.” Yuu opened his
door wider. “You’re welcome to come inside, if you want.”
Mika hesitated for a few moments, uncertain about what to say or how he should
act. This was all so surreal, being here with his brother again. Being alone
together, without to watchful eyes of their father...Mika schooled his features
into a calm facade and strode to the threshold of the hotel room.
Yuu smiled as Mika entered and Mika took a couple of seconds to survey the
area. It was a mess. Because of course it was. 4 years of military service
obviously hadn't broken his brother of his sloppy ways. And for some reason,
Mika found it endearing how this little quirk of Yuu’s hadn't changed despite
his career choice and Guren’s bantering about him needing to be neat and tidy.
It amazed him how Yuu was able to take something as structured as a hotel room
and make it feel homey and lived in. And it filled Mika with a sense of
nostalgia.
“You haven't changed a bit.” Mika said, more to himself than to his brother.
But Yuu heard it anyway.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Yuu asked as he closed the door behind him once
Mika entered the room.
Mika turned to him, a soft smile on his face. He couldn't help but smile around
Yuu, even under these strange circumstances. “You’re still as messy as ever.”
Mika said. “Your clothes and shit are everywhere.”
Yuu shrugged at the comment. “The more things change-”
“The more they stay the same.” Mika finished the sentence, and believed it more
true than ever. Things had changed, a lot. But the fact remained that Yuu still
knew nothing about Mika’s feelings for him, and would never return them. His
smile became sad. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything…”
“No! No of course not!” Yuu gestured to the table with two chairs around it.
“Make yourself comfortable. You want some coffee? It’s pretty good here.”
Mika shrugged noncommittally and went to take a seat as Yuu prepared them
coffee in the little kitchenette.
*
Yuu’s heart was pounding as he poured them both coffee with shaky hands. He
glanced behind himself, hoping that Mika hadn't noticed Yuu miss the coffee cup
when he began to pour the hot liquid. Mika was looking at something on his
phone. Good. He hadn't seen it.
He couldn't explain the mixture of excitement and trepidation he felt at having
his brother here, alone in his hotel room with him. All he knew was that he was
relieved that Mika’s icy demeanor from the night before had seemed to thaw.
“How do you like your coffee?” He asked over his shoulder.
“Black is fine.”
Yuu raised a brow. “Gross!”
Mika didn't comment.
Yuu poured a ton of powdered creamer and sugar into his own then went back to
the table, handing Mika his coffee.
His brother looked at it, then back at him. “Thanks.” Mika said.
Yuu smiled in return, then studied his own pale tan cup of caffeine. Yuu wasn't
really a fan of coffee. Didn't even know if Mika still drank the stuff, until
the blonde raised the mug to his lips and downed nearly half of it in two
seconds.
*
Mika set the cup back down, grimacing at the bitter taste of the cheap coffee.
“I thought you said the coffee here was good?”
“Oh, um...heh...I guess it  could  be. Without enough sugar and all that other
stuff!”
Both young men were silent after that. But it was no longer a comfortable,
companionable silence. It was awkward.
Mika shifted in his seat and glanced at Yuu again, who was now studying his own
mug. His brother hadn't shaved, and dark stubble graced his jawline and lean
cheeks. It was so strange, seeing Yuu like this. Fully grown, so different yet
the same. Mika didn't know what to make of it.
Yuu had asked him to come by to talk. But instead, Yuu had put on this act of
nonchalance. But Mika could see right through it. “You told me to come here to
talk, Yuu. You can cut the act now. What’s going on?”
Yuu sighed and ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more and
instantly, Yuu’s facade became waned, tired. His eyes looked troubled.  Shit...
Yuu was taking Guren’s death hard.
Then he chuffed, “Am I that obvious?”
“No.” Mika replied. “But I can tell when you’re trying to pretend that
everything is ok. You’re not a very good liar, Yuu.”
Yuu smiled sadly at him, making Mika’s guilt mount. Maybe Yuu had hoped that
Mika wanted to talk about it?
Mika had mulled it over, trying to feel bad about Guren’s death. Trying to feel
some semblance of remorse. But he didn't. He couldn't. Maybe it hadn't really
sunk in yet, but Mika felt nothing. He was surprised by the news, how could he
not be? And be wished that his brother wouldn't be sad over it.
But obviously Yuu was having a hard time. He could see it, and had come to him
for a reason. “How did he die?” Mika finally asked, trying to make his voice
sound sympathetic.
Yuu glanced away. “He ate a bullet.”
Now  that  was surprising. “Suicide??” Mika could hardly believe it. “How do
you know?”
“Shinya found him.” Yuu said. “A couple of days after...He left a note. Or,
more like a letter. That’s what Shinya told me.”
“...What did it say?” Mika was afraid to know, but curiosity got the better of
him.
Yuu shrugged. “Dunno...I didn't go back there after I found out. I’ve been
looking for you instead…” He met Mika’s eyes, holding his gaze as he continued.
“The letter is addressed to me and you. I don't know what It says, I haven't
read it. But Shinya told me he’d put the funeral off until I found you. Said
you should be there to read it as well.”
Mika’s pulse sped up. What was in that letter? Why would he want them to read
it together? Would it reveal Mika’s secret? Was his dying wish to ruin Mika’s
life and any relationship he might have with Yuu after taking his own life?
Mika grit his teeth, his hands clenched around the coffee mug at the thought.
“Guren was cremated.” Yuu went on to say. “For obvious reasons. I’m just happy
I was able to find you in time, Mika…” His eyes dropped to Mika’s hands, like
he wanted to touch them again. But he was afraid to after their encounter last
night. “I was...I  am  hoping you’ll come, Mika.” They locked eyes again. “I
know that you and dad...you and Guren, had your differences-”
Mika nearly sprang from his seat at the words. The old fears, the paranoia
clawed at him, as if Guren himself would materialize any second and drag him
right back into the hell of his past.
He opened his mouth to protest, but Yuu cut him off. “Mika, don't.” He said
sternly, he voice holding an authority that Mika had never heard before and
couldn't help but obey. “You ran away. You had your reasons. I don't know what
happened, but I know that you didn't get along with Guren. And I’m sorry Mika,
I’m so sorry I left you that day. If I’d known you’d disappear, I wouldn't
have--”
“Stop it. You didn't do anything wrong.” Mika said. He realized that now. Yuu
was just trying to do right by everyone, like he always had. And when Mika had
pushed him away, he’d tried to find his own purpose in life. He couldn't be
angry at Yuu for that. It wasn't his fault. He didn't know the truth. But he
might learn it, if Guren’s letter to them contained that information.
Yuu wanted him to go to the funeral. And maybe he should, just so he could
intersect that letter and read it before Yuu got his hands on it, then destroy
it if it held any discriminatory information.
*
Yuu gaped at his brother. God, he was so stoic, so...mechanical? Yuu couldn't
explain it. Mika was as beautiful as ever, but his spirit seemed more broken
than it had been before Yuu had left for the military.
Yuu thought that he was doing right by Mika by looking for him, for trying to
be part of his life again. But it seemed like Mika was much happier before he’d
barged into his home and seemingly fucked up his life. And from the looks of
it, his life looked great.
But even then, Yuu still needed him. Needed to get Mika to come back to
Shinjuku with him. If he chose to go back to Nagoya and live his life without
Yuu in it, then Yuu wouldn't ever disrupt that again. But they both needed this
closure. And he needed to see something for himself. Something he’d overlooked
about their relationship in the past.
“Please, come with me.” Yuu asked, reaching out his hand to touch the back of
Mika’s. The blonde looked so lost as he studied Yuu’s face, his stoic
expression cracking under the pressure. “I need you.” Yuu said. “I don't think
I can do this alone…”  
*
Something niggled at the back of Mika’s mind, something familiar. But he
couldn't put a name to the notion. He found himself turning his palm over and
lacing his fingers in between Yuu’s, almost subconsciously. Like instinct. Like
second nature. And it felt good. He was afraid of it. But it felt good to have
this again. To allow himself this tiny bit of affection from Yuuichiro.
“Alright…” Mika said. “I’ll go with you.”
Chapter End Notes
     This update is SOOOO late, I know. :( I wasn't really sure at first
     how I wanted it to go. So I kept changing it and it took a little
     longer.
     That, and the fact that I've had training courses at work after my
     promotion and it's completely drained me of any creativity I may have
     had left at the end of the day. And I don't want to just write a
     bunch of bullshit without a plan or deeper meaning in mind. You all
     deserve better.
     I'm happy I was able to get this finished tonight though :) The next
     few chapters are definitely going to be a challenge. I'm not sure how
     I want those to go yet either.
     But your feedback honestly helps so much into shaping the ideas in
     this fic. So please, don't be shy to leave your opinion. They've
     helped me so much in the past! And thank you all so much for reading!
     xoxoxox
***** Chapter 11 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Krul studied Mika’s back as she watched him pack a small travel suitcase. She
frowned, uneasy with the stiff way the young man moved about the room and the
grim look on his face.
“Are you sure about this, Mika?” She asked for the umpteenth time. “You can
take the train you know. Or, I’ll even get you a plane ticket! It’s not a
problem!”
Mika sighed. Krul was worried, he understood that. She knew everything about
his past with Yuuichiro, and she had the wealth inherited to her from her dead
family to bail him out of the country if Mika asked her to. But he knew that he
had to do this. He had to see this through.
Mika had promised Yuu just yesterday that he would drive with him back to
Shinjuku and attend the funeral. Yuu was insistent that they take that drive
together, said it would help them ‘come to terms’ with this whole situation.
Mika didn't exactly need to come to terms with it, but he could tell that his
brother very much needed him right now. So he’d acquiesced.
“I appreciate it, Krul. But this is something I have to do. Yuu-chan, he...he
needs me right now…”
Krul stalked towards him angrily, snatching a shirt from his hand. “This is
exactly the kind of thing that got you into this mess in the first place!” She
snapped, making Mika flinch. “Don't you remember what had happened to you
because of that man?! Because of what he’s done to you?  Keeps  doing to you?!
What do you expect to happen, Mika? That he’ll fall in love with you because
you take a road trip with him? You’re getting to end up getting hurt again!”
“I know this!” Mika snapped, snatching the shirt from Krul’s hands. It was the
shirt he’d stolen from Yuu’s bedroom all those years ago. He blinked at it. “I
know this…” He said again, in almost whisper.
He wasn't so naive as to not realize what he was doing to himself. He was like
an addict, who after years of sobriety, was falling off the wagon. But he
couldn't help himself. Seeing Yuuichiro again had been horrible, wonderful,
heartbreaking and elating. Seeing his face and eyes, smelling his scent,
feeling the warmth radiating from his muscular body...He needed another fix. He
needed more. It might kill him, but he needed more.
Krul was gazing at him with sadness in her amber eyes as Mika packed the shirt
into his suitcase. She knew, with all her heart, that Mika was lost to her.
There was nothing she could say or do to convince her friend not to make the
mistakes he was about to make. So she offered an olive branch of sorts.
“Mikaela…” She sighed. “Just promise me something, ok?”
Mika turned to her, waiting for her to continue.
“If you begin to feel like you can't handle it, if Yuuichiro makes you feel
like going down  that  dark path again, call me. And get yourself away from
him. Promise?”
Mika knew what ‘dark path’ she was referring to. He didn't think that he’d let
himself get to that point ever again. But then again, he didn't ever think he’d
do something like that the  first  time…
He nodded. “I promise.” Mika walked over to Krul and drew the tiny young woman
into his arms and rested his chin atop her head. He’d be lying if he said he
wasn't afraid of taking this trip with his brother, but something about the way
Yuu had acted around him during his visit at the hotel he was staying at, made
him think that maybe, this time, things would be different. Maybe not ideal
but... different.  “Don't worry about me. I’ve already accepted the reality
between Yuu-chan and I. I know better than to hope for... more.”  The words
felt like a lie, but he didn't amend the statement.
Uncomfortable with the prolonged hugging, Krul squirmed out of his arms and
glared. “I’m not stupid you know.”
Mika smiled sadly. “I know.” He turned back to finish packing, stuffed
Yuuichiro’s old shirt that had long since lost his brother’s unique scent but
still couldn't bring himself to leave behind, then zipped up his travel case.
“I’ll call you when I get to Shinjuku, if everything goes as planned.”
He walked past her and left the room to say goodbye to Lacus and Renee, who
behaved like jealous lovers at the news that Mika was taking a roadtrip with
Yuuichiro, but Mika shrugged it off. It wasn't like they had any claim to him.
Their relationship was a purely sexual one, and Mika felt no hint of romantic
feelings for the two. But he still cared enough to realise that Lacus and Renee
would feel absconded by him had he not told them where he was going and with
whom he was going to be traveling with.
After he’d explained, Lacus gave Mika knowing smirk. “Well, good luck Mika!”
Lacus called after him. “Don't be surprised if we invade your bedroom while
you’re gone!”
Mika rolled his eyes at the man’s antics, then left the house to make his way
to the bus station to take him to Yuuichiro’s hotel.
 
 
                    ______________________________________
 
 
Yuu smiled broadly when Mika appeared in his hotel room peephole and opened the
door to let him in. “You’re early!” Yuu announced.
Mika shuffled inside, looking at the mess of clothes on the bed that Yuu had
yet to pack. “Or you’re just running behind...” He deadpanned.
“Nah,” Yuu closed the door and went back to the bed to stuff his unfolded
clothes into his duffel bag. “I’ll be ready to go in a few minutes.”
Mika sighed, irritated that his brother still didn't have the good sense to
fold his clothes before packing them. They were going to be wrinkled to hell,
and there was no way Mika was going to be seen in public with his brother if
the man looked like he’d just rolled out of bed.
Setting his own suitcase to the side, Mika went to stand beside Yuu and began
removing the wadded up shirts from the duffel to fold.
“Hey!” Yuu protested. “What are you doing?”
Mika didn't meet his eyes, too focused on his task. “They’re going to get
rumpled if you pack them like that.”
“But we’re wasting time!”
Mika gave his brother a sideways glare. “I think we can spare 5 minutes so you
don't look like a bum every day.”
Yuu tsked in irritation, but he did begin folding his shirts with Mika. And for
once, there was a comfortable silence between them.
Yuu glanced over at Mika, at the stern expression he wore while he
painstakingly folded his shirts. Yuu couldn't help but smile. He much preferred
Mika being assertive and picky about things being tidy and neat, than the stoic
and cold Mika he’d encountered a couple of nights ago. With renewed optimism,
he fell into step with his brother and finished packing.
 
 
                       ________________________________
 
 
It usually only took 4 and a half hours to drive to Shinjuku from Nagoya, but
with the insane amount of traffic due to a multicar accident, as well as having
the skies opening up and pissing down rain, they were 5 hours into the trip and
not even halfway there.
Mika huffed in annoyance from the passenger seat. “We should have just taken
the train…” He grumbled. He was getting antsy from being stuck in the car so
long and desperately needed to stretch his legs.
Yuu looked over at him with a sorry look, then back at the cars through the
rain splattered windshield which were dead stopped in front of them. They’d
probably gone 5 miles within the past hour.
Yuu sighed. “Look, we’ll get off at the next exit, get some food and relax a
little. Maybe the traffic will be cleared up by then.”
Mika grunted in assent and leaned his head against the window. The past 5 hours
had been awkward to him. He didn't know what to talk about and grew annoyed
when Yuu kept asking about his private life and who those guys were and if he
was seeing anybody and on and on he’d went until Mika had snapped at him for
being so nosy.
They were quiet for a while after that and Mika had felt increasingly guilty
for having been so short tempered. Talking about relationships, or the lack
thereof, was normal for brothers... wasn't it ? It’s only natural that
Yuuichiro would be curious about what he’d been doing all these years,  right ?
Mika had never necessarily  came out  to his brother, but Yuuichiro had hinted
that he already knew. Mika supposed he was just too afraid to say it out loud
to somebody, especially to the man he’d been in love with for most of his life.
Either way, he really didn't want to talk about it. It was too strange to him.
Even though his brother had given him the whole ‘it’s ok to be gay’ spiel on
his 17th birthday, didn't mean he wanted to relay his sexscapades and reveal to
Yuuichiro that he enjoyed being fucked in the ass.  Way  too damn personal! And
he supposed he also didn't want his brother to open up in recompense and talk
about the various women he’d been with. No...this new wound was already too
fresh, he didn't wish to be destroyed as well...
“...Does that sound alright with you?” Yuu had apparently been speaking while
Mika was lost in his own thoughts.
Mika turned to him. “What?”
“I said that there’s an exit up ahead for some restaurants or bars and stuff.”
Yuu cocked his head this way and that, trying see through the constant downpour
to look past the cars ahead of them on the highway and not even bothered by the
fact that he was previously being ignored. “We can stop off there for a little
while, yeah?”
Mika’s lips quirked. Yuu’s upbeat attitude was infectious. “Sure. Sounds good.”
 
 
                       _____________________________   
 
 
Mika let Yuuichiro choose where they should eat, since his brother would likely
complain about Mika’s choice of the all natural/organic restaurant they’d
passed a couple of miles back. And since Yuu had been the only one driving for
the past 5 and half hours, he deserved to have whatever the hell he wanted.
Mika would make due.
Which he regretted now because Yuu’s decision landed on an izakaya that was
packed with people, despite the storm. It was after 7pm now, prime time for
dinner and many business men sat slumped over the bar top while other large
groups crowded together in booths or pushed together tables. The room was hazy
with cigarette smoke and stank of stale beer and sake. This was  so  not Mika’s
scene. Despite being in college, he hadn't gone out to bars much, and the ones
he  had  gone to were  much  more upscale and didn't have sticky floors.
He noticed that Yuu was no longer next to him then. Instead, he was waving the
gaping blonde over to a small table he’d procured. With a swallow, Mika wound
his way through the bodies standing by the bar and over to the dining area
where it was less smoky and sat at the table across from Yuuichiro as he
ruffled his wet gold hair to try and get it somewhat dry.
 
*
 
Yuu casually perused the menu, already deciding on some yakitori regardless of
what the menu had. Places like this have been a sort of routine for him since
he’d left the military. Most were always the same, affordable and familiar to
him since he’d spent so much time on the road looking for his brother.
He looked at Mika over the top of the menu, who was fidgeting nervously with a
bar napkin left on the table and shredding it into little squares. Then Yuu
looked around the bar. It was nicer than some of the other izakaya he’d been
to. Most of the lower scale ones didn't have an actual kitchen and you were
lucky to get a bag of chips or some peanuts.
Some other people in the dining area were eating happily and laughing over the
music playing in the background. Others were playing pool or darts and filling
their cups from large pitchers of beer. It wasn't so bad, Yuu thought.
Maybe Mika doesn't go to places like this?  It struck him anew how little he
knew about his long lost family. And judging by Mika’s home and his expensive
clothes, he likely went out to more upscale places.
Trying not to berate himself, he asked “Is this ok? We can go somewhere else if
you want.”
Mika looked up at him, seemingly startled from his own thoughts. “Huh? No! No,
this…” He glanced around uncomfortably. “This is fine.”
Before Yuu could argue, a waitress came by to give them warmed hand towels and
ask them what they’d like to drink. When Mika tried to order just a water, the
waitress informed him that he needed to order a drink as per ‘entry fee’. With
a sigh, Mika ordered a beer and Yuu did as well.
“We really shouldn't be drinking, Yuu. We still have to get to Shinjuku.” Mika
crossed his arms over his chest, looking annoyed.
“It’s just a beer Mika.” Yuu argued. “And the...funeral...isn’t for another 2
days. Maybe we should just hole up here in this town for the night? The storm
should pass by morning.” There was a heavy weight in Yuu’s chest as he
recognized the discomfort washing over Mika at his words, straining their newly
burgeoning relationship. But he didn't mean it in a way to try to get Mika’s
secrets or invade his space too much. He was truly weary from the drive, and
the thought of trying to make it to Shinjuku in the storm and the traffic gave
him a clawing sense of anxiety. It simply wasn't safe.
Yuu paused in his reverie as the waitress brought them their drinks and took
their food orders of yakitori, karaage and other side dishes to share between
them.
“Look, Mika, I’m not trying to complain or make this harder for you, but I
really am tired and it’d be  safer  to drive when it’s light out and not
raining cats and dogs.” Yuu tried to explain once the waitress had left them
again. “We’ll get an early start in the morning and get to Shinjuku with plenty
of time to do...whatever we need to do.”
Mika grumbled something about how they shouldn't have left around noon today to
begin with, but he did nod in agreement. “Fine. We’ll find a place to stay
after dinner. And just  one drink,  Yuu-chan.”
Yuu lifted his glass in salute. “Cheers to that!”
 
 
                        _______________________________
                                        
 
Mika swayed on his feet by the pool table as he watched Yuu line up his shot,
his 5th beer of the night sloshed a little over the rim of the glass from being
filled too close to the brim. It dripped onto some tall, angry looking guy’s
boots, earning a scowl from the man that had Mika retreating to stand closer to
Yuuichiro.
He should have known better than to try and deny his brother when he was having
a good time. Especially when a group of girls had bought them a round of sake
for them all to share as they invited themselves over to their table, much to
Mika’s annoyance.
At Yuu’s coaxing, Mika had thrown back the sake shots, one after another as the
girls giggled at his grimacing. Mika wasn't a fan of sake; hot or cold.
The two girls were flirty, bubbly and obviously looking for someone to take
them home with them Mika realised when the red haired girl, who’d been eye
fucking him since she sat with her friend at their table, began brushing her
knee up against him from time to time.  You are SO barking up the wrong tree,
sweetheart...
The other girl, who was a curvy brunette, was practically in Yuuichiro’s lap.
And Mika was sure that Yuu would end up bringing this bitch back to whatever
hotel he decided to stay at.
Mika had been beginning to seriously regret his decision of coming with Yuu on
this trip to Shinjuku.
His mind had started drifting the Krul’s words. Maybe he should call her, or
find a bus ticket or a train ticket and get out of here and away from this
shitty situation. Maybe he should just leave and go find a hotel to stay in and
call Yuu in the morning. But either way, he’d have to see him at the damned
funeral. See him  once again  after he’d shared his bed with another bitch who
wasn't worthy of him.
The thought had depressed him even more, so he drank more, seeking numbness.
 
.
 
But to Mika’s surprise, and great relief, Yuu had declined the brunette’s offer
to come to her apartment for the night. The girl pouted at him, but Yuu had
just given her his charming smile and thanked her for the drinks. The redhead
didn't even extend an offer to Mika, since he had given her the cold shoulder
the majority of the time she’d sat with them.
After the girls left, Yuu ordered a pitcher of beer and asked Mika if he wanted
to play pool. And Mika was too buzzed, and too happy with the fact that his
brother had shot the bar skank down, that he could deny him nothing.
 
.
 
Now, Mika stared at the back of Yuuichiro as he leaned over the pool table,
taking the opportunity to openly admire his brother’s broad shoulders and the
way his army-green t-shirt stretched tightly over the muscles in his back as he
stretched his body. He lowered his gaze to the swell of his ass in the dark
denim and felt his heart pound against his ribcage when the image of tearing
those pants down and pinning Yuu’s head to the pool table as he shoved into
him, flashed through his mind.
Shit-- Mika shook his head to clear it, immediately becoming dizzy and
stumbling to the side.
“Woah there!” Yuu laughed and Mika felt his big warm hand on his shoulder as
Yuu steadied him. “You okay there, Mika?”
Mika’s face felt hot and he knew he was flushed, his legs felt a bit wobbly too
but he just nodded and slurred “M’okay…” Giving a weak smile and a thumbs up.
Yuu laughed again and patted his shoulder before taking Mika’s full beer from
his hand. “I think you had enough now. C’mon,” He chugged the rest of Mika’s
beer, claiming that beer is a terrible thing to waste, then slung Mika’s arm
over his shoulder and steered them towards the exit.
 
.
 
Luckily it wasn't raining when they got outside, and the night air was crisp
and cool and seriously helped to keep Mika’s head from swimming. But Mika began
to protest again when Yuu began walking them towards the car.
“Nuh uh!” Mika shook his head, clutching at Yuu’s waist when everything began
to spin again. “N-no driving, Yuu-chan! Too drunk…” He hated that he was
slurring so much, but it couldn't be helped.
“Mika, m’fine! I can handle my drinks better than you!” Yuu sounded like he was
starting to slur as well.
Mika put on the breaks, halting them from going any further. “Yuu-chaaan!” Mika
whined, in such a way that Yuu found it adorable. “NO! No driving! T’is
dangerous!”
Yuu smiled and pulled his brother closer against his hip. “Alright.” Yuu said
in a slurring yet soothing voice. “Alright, I won't drive, kay? We’ll walk--”
Yuu pointed a wobbly finger towards a neon sign where there was a motel just
down the street from where they’d parked. “Oh look! We’re in luck!” Yuu said
excitedly. “We can get a sleepy place there!”
He opened the car, then had to explain to Mika that he was just getting their
bags with their clothes and stuff, then he hitched Mika’s arm more securely
over his shoulders, trying his best to keep them both from swerving as the
effects of the alcohol began to hit Yuuichiro.
Shouldn't have chugged that last beer... He thought when he noticed how dumb he
probably looked right now. But it was too late to regret now. And at least the
motel was close.
 
.
 
The tired little bell rang above the door as they entered the motel lobby to
check in. A tired looking teenaged boy sauntered over to the counter, obviously
irritated by the new guests at such a late hour.
Yuu took a peek at the clock hanging on the wall. It was after midnight.  Fuck…
“King or two queens?” The young man asked haughtily.
Yuu nearly scoffed at the question. “Whaa?--Two queens!”
The young man snorted, “Yeah, I bet…”
Which earned a scowl from Yuuichiro as he flushed from the insinuation.
Luckily, Mika was barely conscious enough to hear the words. And he was
starting to get heavy.
The young man handed Yuuichiro the room key while he recited the room number
and how to get to it. Yuu snatched it from him in irritation and made his way
to the room.
Winding their way around the outside of the motel, Yuu obviously forgetting the
way there before finally finding the room, he unlocked the door and stepped
through--
Only to have Mika trip over the threshold and bring Yuu down with him as they
both tumbled to the floor, their heavy travel bags landing on top of them.
Mika groaned in pain as Yuu laughed out loud, disentangling himself from his
brother’s limbs and the straps from the bags.
“Mika?” Yuu nudged his brother who looked like he was out cold with his feet
still hanging outside. Yuu laughed again. “Mika! Up! C’mon.” He set their bags
onto one of the beds then hauled Mika to his feet before finally getting the
door closed.
Mika stumbled and swayed as Yuu ushered him to the empty bed. The blonde
flopped down on his back with a huff, before whining “Ah god...it’s spinning!”
Yuu hurriedly took off one of Mika’s shoes then grabbed the same ankle to place
one of his feet flat on the ground. “Better?”
Mika sighed in relief. “Mmm...better…”
 
.
 
After relieving himself in the restroom, brushing his teeth and washing his
face, Yuu felt a bit more sober. Silently thanking his higher tolerance for
alcohol, he went back into the room to find Mika exactly where he’d left him;
Sprawled like a starfish with one foot on the ground and still dressed in his
dirty clothes.
Deciding that he couldn't just let him fall asleep like that, Yuu went to his
brother’s side and tried to shake him awake. “Mika?”
“Unngh!” Mika grunted in response as his brows drew together in irritation.
“Mika, I’m sorry to bug you, but you need to change out of those clothes,
they’re dirty and smelly.”
“Hmmm…” Mika hummed, but apparently he’d heard him because he began to stir and
sat up in bed.
Mika began trying to take off his shirt, but in his current condition, he
couldn't figure out how to get his arms out of the sleeves. Yuu chuckled as he
began to help his brother remove the shirt and drew it over his mop of tangled
blonde locks.
And Yuu had a very difficult time keeping his eyes off of his brother as Mika
leaned back, those blue eyes slitted and bleary and looking at him
questioningly. Praying that Mika wouldn’t remember, Yuu let his eyes wander
over Mika’s bared chest, the slim muscles that flexed beneath pale skin.
It was then that Yuu noticed that Mika had a few scars along his sides, his
shoulder, his hips...He peeked behind him subtly, seeing more light scars on
his back. As if he’d been...whipped?--
“Yuu-chan…” Mika grumbled. “Whadya doin…?” Mika yawned and lay back down.
“S’tired…”
Yuu felt his scalp tighten in anger at the sight of the scars on his beloved
family. He’d seen Mika beat up, bruised and battered throughout highschool, but
never knew that the damage done had extended to  scars  marring his beautiful
skin. And Yuu concluded that Mika’s skin was such a beautiful thing that should
never be harmed in any way. Then he noticed the necklace around Mika’s neck,
the same one he’d given to him on his birthday.  You kept it …
Yuu snatched his hand away when Mika squirmed, and he realised then that he had
been unconsciously touching the skin around the pendant laying in the hollow of
Mika’s throat.
“Pajamas…” Yuu whispered to himself, then set about rummaging through Mika’s
luggage to find him something suitable to wear to bed.
He pulled a shirt out from Mika’s bag that he curiously realized wasn't neatly
folded like the rest of his clothing. He shook it out and held it up--blinked
at it--then turned it backways and frontways, inspecting it.
“What the…?” He looked back over his shoulder at Mika still lounging in the
bed. He stood, walking over to stand beside Mika once more. “Hey, Mika?”
“Hmm?”
“Why do you have this?” Yuu held out the shirt. It had been one of his
favorites when he was a teenager, but one day it’d disappeared. Yuu had thought
that maybe he’d left it in a locker at school and it had been stolen or
something. But finding it in Mika’s possession? It was strange.
Mika cracked his lids open, hazily looking at the shirt before closing his eyes
again. “Smelled like you…”
Yuu’s heart sped up at Mika’s words. “W-why would you want this for... smelling
like me?...” He held his breath as he awaited an answer.
Mika turned over, annoyed but obviously drunk enough to let whatever came to
his mind to fall from his lips. “Missed you...Sleeping alone? So weird!” He
stirred again, trying to get comfortable on the cheap motel mattress. His eyes
remained closed as he continued. “Wanted you...wanted Yuu-chan with me,
always…” He began to doze again.
Wanted me?!  Yuu’s breath caught in his throat. He suddenly felt dizzy and
elated, his pulse raced in his veins. “Mika?...”
But Mika didn't respond this time, instead, he snored softly.
Yuu bit his lip as he gaped at his brother, chest aching, wanting to talk to
Mika so badly. Wanted so much to just break down these barriers that had been
built between them throughout the years they’ve been apart.
But his brother was just so frustratingly secretive; never wanting to talk
about his life over the past 4 years, eluding questions about his
relationships. Which Yuu was certain that the two young men he’d seen in the
house with him on the night he’d broke in, were in some kind of relationship
with his brother.
Which made Yuu feel...jealous? Envious? He wasn't really sure. He had no right
to be either, but Yuu supposed it couldn't be helped since Mika had been the
reason for his leaving the military in the first place. He so yearned for his
family back, for Mika back. And having him here with him at last was doing
funny things to his emotions. Emotions he couldn't yet indulge in.
With a heavy heart, he went back to Mika’s bag, pulling free some sweatpants
and a plain t-shirt while tucking away the shirt Yuu had once owned back into
Mika’s bag, underneath other clothes in hopes that Mika wouldn't remember him
finding it. It was obviously a secret to him, so Yuu didn't want him to be
embarrassed by him finding it. But it made Yuu’s heavy heart feel a little bit
lighter, knowing that Mika had wanted something of his to remember him by.
Because it smelled like me...because he wanted me with him…
Shaking away the thought before it could wander into  dangerous  territory, Yuu
slipped the t-shirt over Mika’s head and threaded his arms through the sleeves.
Then he removed his other shoe and, with surprisingly nimble fingers, undid
Mika’s pants and slid them down his legs.
He tried not to look, but  fuck,  he couldn't help himself. He was so curious
to see if he looked any different than when they were kids. And with a
lingering glance, he confirmed that yes, yes he was different. His legs were
dusted with soft golden hair, and where his shirt rode up, he could see a thin
line of hair trailing from his navel down to his--
Stop it!  Yuu berated himself and turned away from the sight.
He ran his fingers through his hair. Yuu was confused with himself, suddenly
frustrated and nearly unable to control the urge to touch his brother again.
And he was afraid. Mika said things, sure, but Yuu might be taking it out of
context. His brother likely didn't even know what he was saying, let alone the
effects it had on Yuuichiro.
Slow down, Yuu... He told himself while he gathered the shattered bits of his
remaining coherence. Then he tried to dress Mika in his sweatpants. After a few
tries, and a near kick to the face, he finally got them on then went to change
into his own clothes to sleep in.
But when Yuu returned from the bathroom, he saw Mika tossing and turning in the
bed, as if he were in the grips of a nightmare.
“Sshh…” Yuu soothed as he went to Mika’s bedside. But the blonde continued to
thrash. “Hey! Mika, Wake up!” Yuu shook his shoulder. “You’re having a bad
dream--”
Mika’s arms wrapped around him then, pulling Yuu down beside him and holding
him close like he was a life-sized teddy bear.
At first Yuu was stunned, unsure of what to do. But when he finally heard
Mika’s breathing slow as he slept more calmly, Yuu relaxed against him and
wrapped his own arms around his brother. He breathed in his scent. Mika still
smelled like the bar, but there was an underlying scent that was purely  him.
A scent that he’d grown up knowing, had memorized, and would never forget. He
smelled like home.
“Goodnight, Mika...I’ve missed you too…”
Chapter End Notes
     Thank you all for your patience before my next update! I've been
     super busy.
     So, I was going to write them at the funeral this chapter, but
     decided on adding a little Mikayuu/Yuumika quality time, and get some
     more of Yuu's POV with his feelings towards Mika.
     I hope you all enjoyed this! Please let me know your thoughts :) Your
     feedback is my fuel!
     I'll try to get this updated next week, I swear!
     Thank you all for reading and a shout out to Minalikesyou your
     offering to edit for me! Although I haven't been able to have her
     edit for me, I will on the next chapter. The offer is greatly
     appreciated!
***** Public Service Announcement *****
Chapter Summary
     (Not an official chapter)
Hi guys!
I know it feels like I have abandoned this fic, and I feel so terrible for
having let it go without an update for so long! I know my excuses probably
suck, but here's why I've delayed updates:
First off, I've been working on buying my first house, (which is a shit ton
more difficult than one would expect) and I'm moving next to the beach! So yay!
But moving is stressful and adulating sucks when it comes to real-estate. But
that's that.
Second, the reason me and my husband are moving is because the company I work
for is shutting down, which inherently puts over 500 employees (including
myself) out of work starting February and we have to kiss ass to keep our
salaries and not be let go ahead of schedule. Not to mention this happened
right in the middle of escrow!
Last but not least, I'm almost 2 months pregnant! Which, holy shit! That
explains why I've been so damned tired and unmotivated and I cant seem to get
my brain to function long enough to get chapters written :(
But this I can promise, I am not abandoning this fic :) I just need some time
to get my shit done and have the chance to chill and get some chapters written
up.
I hope you all continue to read once I start posting chapters again.
Ok, sorry if this tricked anyone into thinking there was a new chapter! I just
didn't know how else to let you all know that I will continue soon!
xoxo Love all you readers!
***** The Darkness *****
Chapter Notes
     I'm baaack! And I was hit with sudden inspiration to write this
     chapter! Yay!
     It's been sooooo long since I last updated! I doubt anyone still
     remembers this story at all, but for those of you who do, here you
     go!
     I did an extra long chapter too, since It's been forever and all. But
     I hope you enjoy this!
      
     And yes, I am naming my son Mika. Well, a variation of the name Mika
     at least. ;)
The funeral procession carried out with quite a bit of fanfare, in Mika’s
opinion. According to the military, and the people whom Guren was close with,
he was a great man; An honorable man who died too early in life.
To Mika...he didn't know how he felt, still.
He said nothing during the service; no speech, no flowers left on the closed
casket. And although he sat in the front with the immediate family, alongside
Yuu, Mika had slipped out a few minutes before the service was over.
He watched from a distance as the casket was loaded into the hearse to be taken
to the burial site. Yuu followed the line of mourners, his face drawn, eyes
swollen and red and cheeks flushed from unshed tears. Yuu looked
almost...angry? Mika couldn't be sure. He was unfamiliar with his brother’s
body language and facial cues, when he had once been so familiar with them. And
it hurt.
Mika didn't attend the burial. Instead, he roamed around the grounds while he
waited for his Uber to show up, looking at different grave stones, reading the
years of birth and death. A few caught his eye; and after a moment of reading
names and dates, he realized that they were children’s headstones who’d died
between the ages of birth to 7 years old.
And this made Mika think,  I could have been like them... Thrown from a moving
car at such a young age, Mika himself could have been one of these children,
bones gnarled and decaying to dust before his life was ever able to begin. He
should  have been like them...the fact that he’d survived up until this point
of his life was based on pure luck, he believed. Considering what he was,  who
he was, Mika believed that he deserved to be in the places of these innocent
children buried beneath his feet…
Mika stalked off, trying to rid his mind of his dark thoughts before he ran
into somebody he knew. He could hear the burial service winding up. Luckily,
his Uber showed up before anyone had the chance to try to talk to him. Mika was
sure he wouldn't be able to trust his own voice if he had been forced to speak.
Since he had nowhere to stay, and apparently had to meet with some attorney to
discuss Guren’s will, life insurance policy, etc. he took the Uber to Guren’s
home.  The place I used to call my home…
He couldn't bring himself to go in. There were too many memories...bad...good?
Both. But the bad stood out the most.
He also didn't have the key, Yuu did. Because of course he did. And he was
expected to keep up appearances and mingle with the crowd, accept condolences
and extend invitations for those close to Guren to come by for anything left
for them.
Mika knew his place, and that wasn't as part of that kind of spectrum of
hospitality and family. As far as Mika was concerned, that part of his life was
over. He had no place in Yuu and Guren’s world. He wasn't even sure why he had
come in the first place.
...As soon as the thought hit, he knew it was a lie. He knew why he had come.
It was because Yuu had wanted him to. And he’d always done what you had
requested of him.
The more things change...the more some stay the same…
.
The sun was setting by the time Yuuichiro showed up to Guren’s home. His suit
was rumpled, tie loose and bags under his eyes.
Mika stood upon his brother’s arrival. He’d lost track of time, but judging by
the tension in his back and ass from where he’d been sitting on the front step,
Mika had been waiting for close to an hour.
Yuu didn't look at Mika as he bypassed him to unlock the front door.
Mika’s heart lurched. One thing he knew about his brother, was when he was
angry with him. Because when Yuu was angry, he couldn't look at him.
“Yuu…” Mika said, in almost a whisper, allowing the opportunity for Yuu to
ignore him in favor of going into the house without a word, if his brother
preferred.
But Yuu paused, with the door halfway open. He turned his head to the side,
showing Mika his profile, but still not meeting his eyes. “I needed you today.”
Was all Yuu said, his tone flat, as he crossed the threshold into their
previous home.
He’d left the door open, a blatant invitation for Mika to enter as well.
Though, it wasn't a warm welcome.
.
Entering his former home was a strange sort of nostalgia. Not much had changed,
since Mika had last lived here. The smells were the same. The walls the same
boring, flat white, the kitchen table still cluttered with unpaid bills, random
objects, as if Guren would be back any moment.
That thought alone, made the hairs on Mika’s neck stand up.
But Guren wasn't coming back. Guren would never be able to hurt him again. And
he would have been glad, if this house didn't also hold so many memories of his
childhood, growing up with the person he cherished above anyone else.
Mika heard a rustling sound in the den, and he crossed to living room to the
space which used to be Guren’s office. Yuu was rifling through paperwork left
on Guren’s desk, brows drawn as he read through some sort of letter, then
tossing it aside to look at another. His brother’s irritation was palpable.
“Yuu.” Mika prompted.
Yuu didn't look up. “Yes?” He answered curtly.
Mika sighed. Clearly, now was not the best time for a conversation. “Sorry.” He
said solemnly, turning to leave.
Yuu slammed his hand down on the desk, startling Mika and making him whip his
head around to meet green eyes full of rage.
“You mother-fucker...” Yuu was nearly vibrating with anger.
Mika didn't understand. “W-what?”
“Don't give me that shit!” Yuu stood, nearly knocking the chair over. “You left
me!”
Mika blanched, before he caught his meaning and looked at his feet. He couldn't
muster the feeling of shame, but he tried to fake it the best he could.
“Yuu...I’m really sorry. The funeral...I couldn't handle it-”
“Oh, shut up.” Yuu cut him off with a wave of his hand. “That’s not what I’m
talking about.”
Mika’s brows knitted in confusion. “What?”
At the same time, Yuu jabbed his fingers into his hair. “It’s just...you were
gone! You weren't even there. You weren't involved, you weren't present or
responsive! It’s like...like you don't even fucking care!”
Mika’s spine became ramrod straight, he schooled his features. “I’m here. I
didn't have to be. But I am.” He said, cooly. “If that’s not enough for you,
I’m sorry.” He turned towards the door again. “If you haven't noticed, Yuu-
chan, Guren and I weren't exactly...close. Especially not like you two were.”
Yuu’s expression softened from anger, into more of a look of speculation.
But Mika was not about to tell him anything that went on between himself and
Guren. And certainly wouldn't be telling him the reason for it.
“Let’s speak tomorrow, when we’ve both gotten some rest. Goodnight, Yuu-chan.”
Mika closed the door behind him.
By time he got to his old bedroom, his hands were shaking and his eyes burned
with angry tears.
Coming here was a mistake. Despite the feeling that they had bonded again over
the course of their trip back here, the fact remained that Yuu was distraught
over Guren’s death, and Mika couldn't find it within himself to commiserate.
Which Mika knew wouldn't help Yuuichiro at all.
Hence; him coming back, a mistake.
Without bothering to find sheets to put on the small, twin sized bed, Mika lay
down on the bare mattress and willed his mind to shut down. To not think of Yuu
and Guren, of their childhood, of how much he’d missed his brother...his best
friend...his…
.
Mika wasn't sure when he’d fallen asleep, but he must have slept for close to
12 hours, because the sun was bright and shining through his window when he
woke to the sound of multiple voices in the house.
He looked down at himself, realizing he’d fallen asleep in his slacks and
dress-shirt, and they were rumpled and wrinkled. Realizing he’d left his duffle
bag in Yuu’s car, Mika sighed and got up to see what the commotion was.
“Mika!” Shinoa nearly dropped the box she was carrying in favor of nearly
leaping at Mika and wrapping her arms around his middle.
Mika froze on the spot, unsure of how to react to her affections. He decided
that patting her on the back would suffice.
Shinoa pulled back. “It’s been ages!” She looked him up and down, holding him
at arm’s length. “You look like a bucket of fuck!”
Mika sighed.
“I put your bag on the couch.” Yuu said as he passed by them on his way
outside, balancing a pair of large boxes in his arms. “If you want to change
out of that. I didn't want to wake you last night.”
Mika’s eyes followed Yuu as he went out the front door. His brother didn't look
angry anymore, which was a good sign. But he still looked tired, and way older
than he was.  Yuu didn't sleep well... And Immediately, Mika felt guilty for
sleeping so long.
Quickly, Mika changed into jeans and a T-shirt before joining the others.
Apparently, Yuu had still kept in touch with his friends; Shiho, Yoichi and
Mitsuba.
Shinoa had been at the funeral the day before, considering Guren was family,
but Mika hadn't spoken to her then. But she didn't seem angry or put off by him
at all. She was still as bubbly as ever. As lovely as ever, perhaps even more
so.
The other’s, however, treaded around Mika carefully. Yoichi would meekly ask
him for help in reaching things on high shelves, since he was to tallest of the
group besides Shiho, who was currently helping Mitsuba stack boxes into the
moving truck in order to take Guren’s belongings to storage. Apparently, Yuu
had decided to do an auction for the entire storage unit of his dad’s
belongings, instead of an estate sale.
.
Once all of the garbage was cleared, and most of Guren’s items were placed in
the moving truck, it was time to go through Guren’s personal effects. The rest
of the group left during that time, which was awkward as hell. They’d all
hugged him, offering condolences, and giving him reassuring words to “keep his
head up” and “Don't give up on what you love” and “Life is so short, never be
afraid to go after your dreams”. Which... what the fuck?  What the hell did
these people know about his hopes and dreams? They didn't even know him
anymore. Not really.
Whatever…
Yuu was still abnormally quiet while they were alone together, packing up the
remains of Guren’s life, looking through photos, medals from the military,
etc...If Guren’s parents were still alive, or if he had any remaining immediate
family, this would be their responsibility. But as it was, since Yuu and Mika
were technically his children, the responsibility fell to them.
Mika tried to help as much as he could, the guilt weighing on him keeping him
motivated, but Yuu kept him at a distance and assigned him menial tasks.
It was late afternoon, and the house was nearly empty, when the lawyer showed
up along with Shinya.
Sitting on the couch, the lawyer went over some legal documents they were to
both sign, then the individual consultations began…
Yuu went first, as Mika waited outside by himself as whatever needed to be said
or shown to Yuu was being carried out by the lawyer and Shinya; who was Guren’s
trusted representative.
When it was Mika’s turn, Yuu came out to get him. Mika studied Yuu’s face. It
was clear he was trying to hold himself together, but whatever was said or
shown to him inside had distressed him. He face was flushed and his eyes were
swollen. But he no longer appeared tense, or angry. He still looked tired, but
the fatigue had seemed to change to physical, rather than mental. Yuu was at
ease. About...something. And the look in his eyes when he looked at Mika and
told him that it was his turn to go in for the meeting, made Mika’s blood run
cold. He could only imagine what kind of disownment he would befall today. As
if his life with Guren and his hatred wasn't enough.
With a nod and a gulp, Mika tamped down his anxiety and entered the house.
.
Shinya and the lawyer were sitting on some folding chairs,  in what used to be
the living room since Guren’s furniture was now in storage, envelopes waiting
precariously on the card table in the center of the four chairs.
Mika took a seat in one of the empty ones, determined to get this over with.
He already knew what was coming: Guren would leave him nothing, as to be
expected. Guren would officially disown him. Guren would-
“Mikaela Hyakuya Ichinose…” The lawyer began. “As stated in Guren’s Will, you
have been left with the properties of Guren Ichinose. His properties include…”
Mika zoned out in disbelief, as the lawyer went on listing what Guren had left
him; His home. His vehicles, and half of his life insurance policy as well.
Which was...was…
“W-why?” Mika asked, puzzled. “Why the hell would he?-”
Shinya passed him a letter, still sealed in an envelope. “Nobody has seen this
except me and Guren’s lawyer.” Shinya said. “I know...I know you and Guren
weren't no the best of terms.” He admitted. “Guren had many issues, mentally,
emotionally...He couldn't stand to lose anybody. And he often wasn't aware of
the mistakes he’d make. But trust me when I say this, because I had known Guren
for longer than you’ve been alive, that when he drank himself stupid and ran
himself off of that cliff on the night he died, he kept you and Yuuichiro in
mind.” Shinya stood, smoothing his grey suit jacket and depositing an envelope
on the table with Mika’s name on it. “Whatever choice you make, is not going to
change any facts. From what I’ve learned, I understand that you may be feeling
a lot of anger. But...just read the letter, Mika. At least give Guren his last
request, even if he doesn't deserve it.”
And with that, Shinya was gone. Then the lawyer was gone. And Mika remained
alone in the empty shell he used to call his home, staring at the folded up
letter intended for him, and afraid of what it might contain.
.
Mika walked Shinya and the lawyer out once their transactions were complete,
joining Yuu outside and decided to sit with him on the front steps while
watching the others drive away.
Mika drew in a shaky breath, thankful that the whole ordeal was over.
The breeze stirred his hair and smelled sweet. The scent of Yuu wafted over to
him with the wind, sending a shiver up Mika’s spine. He closed his eyes, taking
a few moments to just...feel. He’d been so numb, so disconnected from the world
since he’d left home, and the past few days had left his feeling raw. As if
life was trying to scrub away the protective shield Mika had built around his
heart and mind. And it made him ache.
“How’d it go?” Yuu asked, not taking his eyes from whatever he was looking at
in the distance.
“I signed it over to you.” Mika knew what Yuu was insinuating. He didn't need
for his brother to elaborate.
Yuu quickly turned to him. “You what?”
Mika leaned his head back, not opening his eyes. Not wanting to meet Yuu’s
gaze. “It’s yours. All of it. The house. The cars. The money, everything.”
Yuu’s brows knit in confusion. “But... why?  Why would you do that, Mika?!” His
voice rose an octave from his shock.
Mika sighed. “Because I don't want it, Yuu. I don't need it. I want nothing
from Guren.”
There was a pregnant pause which seemed to stretch on and on, before Yuu
finally asked “What did he do to you?” in almost a whisper.
Mika’s eyes shot open and he looked to his brother. “What?”
“Guren, he did something to you.” It wasn't a question. Yuu had a stern look in
his eyes, though, like he was demanding an answer.
Mika felt a spike of alarm, his hairs on the back of his neck standing on end.
He’d revealed too much, somehow. He’d said too much. Mika stood, preparing to
flee back into the house and lock himself away where he couldn't fuck up again
and say something stupid that would make Yuu suspect.
But Yuu was having none of it. He followed him inside, gripping Mika by the arm
before he could make a beeline to the safety of the bedroom. “Mika!” Yuu tried.
“Stop running away and talk to me!”
“There’s nothing to talk about!” Mika shot back, trying to pull free his arm.
But Yuu tugged him closer. Mika was taller, but Yuu was a lot stronger than
Mika was. “Do you really think I’m that stupid?!”
“Yes!” Mika tried to break free again.
“Well I’m not!”
They went back and forth, Mika trying to escape him and Yuu unwilling to let
him get away. Finally, Yuu had gotten fed up and pinned Mika against the wall,
his wrists held in Yuu’s iron grip.
They were nose to nose. And even now, after everything, Mika felt his body
responding to the closeness. He could feel Yuu’s body heat radiating off of
him. Could smell his minty breath as he panted from the exertion of wrestling
Mika under his control. Mika’s face heated, and he lowered his gaze.
“Please, Yuu…” He breathed. “Please, just drop it, okay?”
Yuu shook his head, never letting his eyes waver from Mika’s, even when the
blonde was turned away. “I can't do this anymore, Mika. I can't-” His grip
tightened even harder, as if his next words might make Mika try to escape
again. “I can't go on, not knowing what really happened. Guren lied to me.
You’ve  been lying to me for years! But now Guren’s gone. And if you wont tell
me the truth, I wont be able to go on, knowing I’ve been lied to and never
knowing why.” Yuu took a steadying breath, trying to reel in his anger and calm
his racing heart. “So please, just tell me why. Why did you disappear? Why did
you move out of our room when we were kids? Why have you been trying to run
from me for so many years?”
The pain in Yuu’s voice was almost Mika’s undoing.  This is all my fault...
He’d never wanted to hurt his brother. Which was why he’d complied with Guren,
and why he’d distanced himself. Yuu was the  why  of everything Mika had done,
and the choices he’d made. To spare Yuu any pain that couldn't be reversed.
And I’ve fucked that up too.
He finally met Yuu’s eyes, those all consuming, green windows that Mika had
once studied and had gotten to know so well. They’d grown a little darker now,
with age. Strands of grey and brown interwoven into the emerald striations. But
still so beautiful. Still so open and vulnerable and just  waiting  for Mika to
give him what he wanted.
So Mika spoke. “He hurt me, Yuu.” His tone was flatter than he’d thought it
would be, more controlled. “He never wanted me. And he made that very clear,
many times.  You  were his son. He loved you so much. And I was getting in the
way.”
Yuu loosened his grip, drawing his head back to get a better look at Mika’s
expression. Mika’s face was blank, but his eyes held the pain he felt. “The
bruises…”
Mika looked away. “I didn't want you to hate him. Or...I didn't want to find
out you didn't care what he was doing to me-”
Yuu’s sharp intake of breath make Mika look back at him. “You were 16 when I
started seeing the bruises. You told me they were from bullies or fights. So
all this time…”
Mika’s lack of an answer seemed to be enough.
Yuu’s expression turned murderous. “That bastard...I would have-”
“No.” Mika cut him off. “Don't.”
Yuu released Mika’s wrists and stepped away from him, but his eyes remained
assessing.
“I told you, I didn't want you to hate him. And I still don't. He was a good
father to you.”
“A good father wouldn't have hurt my...my family, Mika!” Yuu argued.
“But you didn't know about it!” Mika snapped back. “As long he was being good
to you, I was fine.”
Yuu nearly growled at Mika in frustration. “You weren't  fine!  You were
hurting! He was hurting you, Mika! You had black eyes. I saw you bleeding! If
you would have just fucking said something, we could’ve-”
“Could’ve  what,  Yuu? Could have been tossed back into the foster system?! We
were 16! Nobody wants a 16 year old! We could have been separated and moved
around from foster family to foster family until we turned 18, then thrown out
on our own. Who knows what would have happened to you?! I couldn't allow that!
And I didn't…” Mika’s breathing was becoming erratic, the adrenaline spiking
through him from finally revealing the truth-at least  part  of the truth-was
making his pulse race with his frantic words. He slowed himself with a couple
of breaths. “I didn't want to be separated. I needed to stay by your side to
make sure you were taken care of.”
Yuu grit his teeth, but he had no argument for that. Mika was right, he’d
realised. If Yuu would have known the true reasons behind the bruises and marks
left on his brother’s body, he would have reported Guren in a heartbeat. He’d
suspected Mika was lying about them before, but he didn't want to believe it.
And the denial had made him blind. And stupid.
But, as Mika stated, if Yuu would have reported Guren, he likely would have
been separated from Mika. Foster homes never took in two teenage boys at once.
They could have been separated so far apart, that they could have never found
each other again.
But... still,  though!  Those facts didn't justify the harsh reality that Mika
was being abused right under the same roof. And Yuu had never even heard it
happening.  How, how, how?!
Though, that still didn't explain a few things. “So...how come you moved into
your own room, back then? Wouldn't it have been safer if you stayed in the same
room as me?”
A muscle ticked in Mika’s jaw. “I didn't make that decision, Yuu. I was forced
out.”
Fresh anger rose up, heating Yuu’s face and ears. “Was that before, or after he
started hurting you?”
“Before…” Mika tensed. This already horrible conversation was wandering into
very dangerous territory.
“Then, why?”
Mika began trying to retreat again. “I don't know.” He lied, moving away from
the way and wanting so badly to just remove himself from this whole scenario.
“Stop lying!” Yuu stepped in to stop him again, but Mika batted his hands away.
“Enough, Yuu! Just...enough. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Please,
just leave me alone.” Yuu didn't go after him this time when Mika headed to the
bedroom, face drawn in pain and anger and confusion. But Yuu knew that Mika had
hit his limit and was shutting down.
 
Mika kept his distance from Yuu for the rest of the night.
Yuu went out to the store to get food, inviting Mika to go with him, but all he
got when he’d knocked on Mika’s bedroom door was silence.
Once he got back and put all of the groceries away, he’d tried to coax his
brother from the room again to maybe have a beer with him and cook together.
Again, nothing.
Yuu made dinner alone, and when Mika refused to join him for dinner, he placed
Mika’s plate in the fridge and ate alone as well.
Yuu went to bed after a while of watching a movie on his iPad by himself to try
to distract himself from busting down Mika’s bedroom door.
Laying on the mattress on the floor in the empty room, Yuu kept his ears
trained for any signs of Mika leaving to room. He’d fucked up, and he knew it.
He shouldn't have come at Mika the way he had. Shouldn't have forced him to
talk about something so painful and awful. But the need to protect Mika, the
need to save him somehow, made him restless and anxious.
Yuu couldn't stop berating himself for being so blind. And he couldn't find a
loophole with Mika’s logic, the reasons for not speaking out about being
abused. They couldn't have moved out on their own, since any respectful place
wouldn't rent to a minor. And by the time they were 18, Yuu had been so
convinced that Mika hated him, that he went through with his goals and left to
join the army…
He thought back to the day he left; Mika had been so upset at him leaving.
There was so much fear in his eyes as he pleaded for him not to leave him
alone. And now Yuu knew why. He was afraid of being alone in this house with
Guren. He was afraid of what Guren might do to him.
But  why  had Guren hurt Mika? Sure, the man had a temper. Especially when he
drank. Yuu had witnessed his fury firsthand. But Mika was always so quiet and
reserved, he was a diligent student and never got into trouble. If Guren was
going to abuse anybody, Yuu felt like he was the one who would have deserved it
the most.
The wheels in Yuu’s mind kept turning.  Did Guren hate Mika for being gay?
When they were kids, Yuu hadn't really seen any signs of Mika being homosexual.
He hadn't shown interest in anyone, male or female. Did he come out to Guren?
Was that why the man beat him?
Mika was so frustratingly secretive about it all. He suspected he may never
find out the why behind it all, unless Mika told him himself. Which didn't seem
very likely, not anytime soon, at least.
Yuu eventually drifted off to sleep, hoping that Mika would still be there when
he woke up the next day.
.
A loud crash and thud woke Yuu in the middle of the night.  What the?-
The sound had come from Mika’s room.
Yuu sprang from the bed, sprinting down the hall and sliding to a stop outside
of Mika’s door. It was still locked. Yuu twisted the knob and pounded on the
door. “Mika?!” He rapped his knuckles on the wood again and again. “Mika, are
you okay?!” No answer. “Open up! Please, Mika!”
When there was silence for longer than Yuu was comfortable with, he threw his
weight against the door, slamming his shoulder against it and breaking the
handle loose from its hinge and bursting in.
Mika was sitting on the floor, knees drawn up to his chest, arms encircling
them with his head buried against his knees. His entire body was shaking, tiny
sobs escaping him as he fought to try to hide them.
Pulse racing in fear, Yuu went over to crouch on the floor next to him. He
reached out a tentative have to place on Mika’s bare shoulder, but his brother
flinched at the touch.
“Mika, what happened?” Yuu asked softly, such a contrast from his panic just
moments ago. “Did you have a bad dream?” When Mika didn't answer, Yuu looked
around the room for the source of the crashing sound. The lamp was broken on
the other side of the room and the way above it was scratched. As if Mika had
thrown it in a rage. He noticed a crumpled piece of paper by the mattress. Yuu
reached for it.
“No!” Mika grabbed for it, but Yuu snatched it before Mika could touch it. He
grasped Yuu bicep instead.
“Is this Guren’s letter to you?”
“D-don't read it!” Mika pleaded. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was tear
streaked. Obviously, whatever was in this letter had deeply upset Mika.
Yuu was  definitely  going to read whatever the hell that man’s last words were
to his Mika. “If you try to take this away from me, Mika, you won't like to
outcome.” He warned. “Let go of my arm.”
The look in Yuu’s eyes made Mika let go, but the fear remained. He shook his
head. “I’m begging you. Don't-”
“Nothing in this letter is going to make me hate you. Is that what you’re so
afraid of?”
Mika buried his face again and gripped his hair into white knuckled fists. That
was answer enough.
“Listen to me.” Yuu said. “Nothing, and I mean  nothing,  could make me hate
you. Understand?”
When Mika tensed, Yuu smoothed out the letter and read:
Mikaela,
I apologize for the mistakes I made while being a father to you. I do not
expect your forgiveness, nor do I ask for it. I don't even know if this letter
will find you after I’m gone, or if you’re even still alive, but I hope that
you are.
I know apologizing won’t take away the memories of me hurting you, but I regret
doing so. One time in particular stood out sharply in my memory, and I imagine
in yours as well. It was the night you left, after Yuu had gone to join the
army. I was so afraid of you going after him, so afraid that you would finally
tell him the truth about how you felt, and that he would give up on his career
to make you happy. I remember this the most for two reasons. One being, you
fought back. The second being, I realised that I was doing to you what my own
father had done to me. And I saw you for what you really are, which was a
reflection of myself.
My final wish, is for you to not be like me. If you ever become a father,
somehow, I could only hope that what I did to you hasn't made you become like
me in that way. But who you are, and what you are, and how you’ve felt about
Yuu for all of these years and the way I’ve tried to repress it in you, my
father had done the same to me when I was a kid. It’s scary, how traits like
that could be passed down, and I’m grateful you arent my son and won't inherit
those traits. But I hope I didn't instill them in you.
The truth is, I never saw you as my son. I saw you as an intruder trying to
take Yuu, who I saw as my son, away from me. And that wasn't fair to you. I
should have never adopted you, knowing I could never love you. But I realise
now, that Yuu needs you in his life. So if you are alive, and able, and if Yuu
had not found you yet, then find him. And take care of him.
I’m sure you know already that I’ve left you my estate and vehicles. Do with
them what you will. You have always been the responsible one when it comes to
money and I know you will make the right decision.
Look after my son, Mikaela. You are all he has left.
-Guren
Yuu put the letter down slowly when he was finished reading it. Mika still
hadn't looked up. Yuu’s heart was pounding, and his breaths had become shallow.
The letter was not at all what Yuu had expected. Not one bit. “Mika…”
“I’m sorry!” Mika blurted.
Yuu blanched. “Sorry for what?”
Mika just shook his head, still refusing to show his face.
“Look at me.”
Another shake of Mika’s head.
“Dammit, Mika look at me!” Dropping the letter, Yuu cupped Mika’s face and
forced his head up so he could look at him. But Mika kept his eyes shut and jaw
set. “What did Guren mean, in this letter?”
Mika attempted to free himself from Yuu’s hold, and failed.
“Tell me! What he said, about how felt about me? What did he mean?”
After a few moment of silence, punctuated by a few sniffling sounds, Mika
cracked open his eyelids and looked at Yuu. There was so much sadness there. So
much regret and pain and fear and a hundred other emotions Yuu couldn't quite
place. But one thing stood out the most in those eyes, a look that had haunted
Yuu’s dreams and made him feel warm and made his heart stutter. It was a look
Mika had given him many times in the past, but Yuu hadn't registered the true
meaning of it until that moment.
Heart thundering, mind whirling and thoughts racing with thoughts of  yes  and
finally,  Yuu decided to take a chance and see for himself if what he’d
suspected was true. Yuu pulled Mika’s face to his, slowly, and kissed him.
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Yuu’s kiss was so soft. A gentle caress of their lips. But Mika felt as if the
sun and all the stars in the galaxy were exploding at once, just from the
feeling of Yuu’s lips against his.
He forgot to breath during the several seconds of the kiss. He didn't even
close his eyes, too afraid that everything would disappear if he did.
When Yuu pulled away, the world righted itself on it’s axis, and Mika panicked.
He scrabbled away from him, placing his hand over his mouth, eyes wide in
astonishment. His lips still tingled. “Yuu-chan…”
Yuu blinked at him, cheeks coloring like he was embarrassed. Or shy.
Or...something? “Shit,” Yuu cursed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Mika,
I’m sorry! I didn't...I don't-I mean...fuck-” He looked back at the still
gaping blonde. “I must have read the situation wrong. I fucked up, I’m sorry.
I’m just thought that...I don't know...that maybe, you felt the same way.”
“W-what?” Mika gasped. Because... What?!
Yuu sighed. “Do you want me to leave?” He stood. “I should leave. Please, don't
take it the wrong way! I won't ever do that again.” He turned to go. “Sorry
about the door-”
“You’re not wrong…” Mika said, so quietly that Yuu had barely heard him.
He turned back. “What?”
Mika’s face was buried in his hands now. “I-I don't understand. What the hell
is happening?!”
Yuu padded back over to him and knelt back to the floor. “What do you mean?”
“Y-you…” He looked up at Yuu, licking his lips a couple of times with the same
dumbfounded expression before he spoke again. “You... kissed me.”
Yuu nodded. “I know…”
“But... why?!”
Yuu took a moment to gather his thoughts, then finally answered with a little
smirk “It may not have ever occurred to you, but I’ve kind of always had a
thing for you.”
Mika’s eyes got impossible wider, and his face felt like it was on fire. He
shook his head rapidly. “That can't be true. Y-you like girls! You-I’m your
brother!”
Yuu winced. “I know...that’s why I never told you. I thought you’d be grossed
out. I didn't even know you were gay until just, sort of, recently! And for the
record, I never said I was straight. It was on your 17th birthday when I almost
told you I was bisexual, because you just looked so uncomfortable because of
those comments Shinoa and the others made and I wanted to make you feel better.
But I wasn't really sure how you’d react. I couldn't even be alone in the same
room with you for more than a minute! I thought you hated me, but…” Yuu looked
back over at the letter, then to Mika. “Will you tell me what Guren meant?”
Mika began shaking again from trying to hold all of his emotions together. He
could barely even process a single thought after all of that! But he tried. He
had to. He had to because Yuu was telling him things Mika had only ever dreamed
of before this moment. And he was waiting for an answer. Yuu-chan  deserved  an
answer.
“G-Guren...He found out…” Mika whispered. “I couldn't stop myself, no matter
how hard I tried...my feelings for you...they wouldn't go away. I-I loved you,
Yuu-chan. As more than just a brother.”
“...And that’s why he beat you…” Yuu finally connected the dots. “Because you
had feelings for me?”
Mika buried his face in his hands again, but he nodded in answer. “He told me I
was sick. I was a freak. That the feelings I felt towards you were unnatural.
Especially because we’re brothers!”
“That fucking asshole…” Yuu growled. He stroked Mika’s hair in an effort to
sooth him. “I’m so sorry, Mika. I’m so sorry I left you all alone with that
man...this is all my fault.”
Mika shook his head again. “You didn't do anything wrong. You were just trying
to live a normal life! I’m the one that’s fucked up, not you-”
“So because I have feelings for you too, that makes me a freak?”
Mika’s head shot up. “No! You never... I  never even  knew!  You didn't act
upon your feelings! You…” Mika didn't know what to say. If Yuu had felt the
same attraction to him as Mika felt for Yuu, and if Guren had found out, would
he have called Yuu a freak as well? Mika didn't know. Maybe? But… “You could
never be a freak! The things I thought about...the things I wanted...It was-”
“Mika.” Yuu cut in. He leaned a little closer, as if he was going to kiss Mika
again, and his heart sped up. “If only you knew the shit that ran through my
head, damn near every time I’d look at you…”
Mika gulped at Yuu’s husky words.
“I was so angry when you had to get your own room. That meant I couldn't lay
awake and stare at you anymore.” Yuu curled a knuckle under Mika’s chin. Their
faces were so close. It would be so easy for Mika to just  take  what he
wanted. “It meant I couldn't look at you when you’d have all those wet dreams
you tried to hide so often.”
Mika’s face turned beet red. “Y-Yuu-chan!” He scooted away, but Yuu followed.
He couldn't quite believe the words that had just come out of Yuu’s mouth!  He
saw that? He liked it? He watched me sleep and liked looking at my-  “Oh Jesus-
fucking-christ!” He covered his face in embarrassment.
Yuu chuckled. “What, you didn't think I’d notice? We were teenagers and we
shared a room! I had to jack off in the shower every time I’d see you having a
very  good dream.”
“Oh my god, please stop talking like that!” Mika couldn't handle it. The
thought of Yuu touching himself- because of me- was making his body react way
more quickly than it had any right to.
“Why does it bother you so much?” Yuu asked.
“B-because!” Mika eloquently answer. “You’re my brother! Guren said-”
“That you’re a freak?”
Mika nodded.
Yuu removed Mika’s hands from his face so he could look him in the eyes. “If
you’re a freak, I’m a freak.”
Mika let out a shuddered breath, still unbelieving that this conversation was
actually happening. “You don't understand.” Mika said.
“Don't understand what?”
“What I feel for you...It’s more than just…”
“Sexual?” Yuu amended.
Mika nodded.
Yuu tugged Mika closer, encircling him in the protection of his strong arms. “I
know.”
Mika nuzzled his face into Yuu’s neck, savoring his warmth and his sleepy scent
and the strength of his body wrapping around him as if to replace the
protective shield Mika once had. But now that shield was shattered. Everything
was out in the open. Guren’s abuse, Mika’s feelings, and now Yuu’s. It hurt so
damned much to let it all out, but it was a good hurt. Yuu wasn't judging him.
Yuu didn't hate him or feel disgusted. Yuu was in the same boat with him. Which
was un-fucking-real in Mika’s mind. But there it was. But now another
uncertainty remained. Did Yuu  only  feel a sexual attraction to him?
“Mika. Stop.”
Mika tensed. “Stop what?”
“Worrying. You’re so scared Mika. Guren’s not coming back to hurt you anymore.
And it’s not like we’re blood related, so fuck anybody who judges us.” He held
Mika a little tighter, trying to pour his own emotions into Mika and make him
see that there was nothing to be afraid of any longer. “And I’ve loved you
since we were kids at the orphanage. I’ve always loved you.” He kissed the top
of Mika’s head. “I wish I could have told you sooner. Our lives would have
turned out so different, Mika. I’m so sorry. I just thought you hated me. For
years i thought you hated me! Now I know the truth. You were just trying to
protect me.”
Mika sniffled, not trusting his voice, he nodded against Yuu’s neck.  God  how
Yuu’s words seemed to wash away so much pain and hatred he held for himself.
“Never again.” Yuu’s voice cracked as he began to rock them back and forth..
“I’m never losing you again.”
Mika was fully straddled on Yuu’s lap now. He felt so small, in Yuu’s arms, so
much younger than he was. He felt protected.  Safe.  For once in his life, he
finally felt safe.
.
Mika fell asleep in Yuu’s arms, making Yuu smile as he scooped up Mika’s tall,
lanky body and deposited him into the bed.
He considered slipping into bed with him for a moment, but then he thought
better of it and turned towards the door.
“Yuu-chan.” Mika mumbled sleepily.
Yuu turned back to him. “Hey.” He said.
Mika slowly blinked his bleary eyes which were still red from crying. “Will
you...stay with me?”
Always.  Yuu thought. But he only smiled softly as he crossed the room back to
Mika’s own mattress on the floor and climbed into bed with him. They were both
asleep almost instantly. The emotional toll of the day, and their conversation
earlier, had drained them of their energy completely.
.
Yuu panicked a bit when he woke up to find Mika was no longer in the bed with
him. His bag was still in the room though.
 He wasn't in the living room either. Or the kitchen. Stepping outside, he
found Mika there. He was sitting on the front step, staying very still.
Listening. Watching. Likely thinking. Yuu could imagine what. He’d thought it
himself;  Where do we go from here?
“I need to go home, Yuu…” Mika said without even turning to look at him. “I
have my own life, and you have yours.”
That was so  not  the words Yuu had expected to hear first thing in the
morning. And it was the last thing he wanted to hear. He finally had Mika back!
He was in his life again, and he’d thought the air had been cleared. There were
no more secrets. Yuu didn't feel any shame for how he’d felt about Mika. He
never had. But Mika was obviously still reeling from it all. And like he’d
always done, Mika thought his best course of action was to run. But Yuu
wouldn't allow that. Yeah, he’d told himself that if Mika wanted to go separate
ways he’d let him and wouldn't interfere again, but that was before. Their
relationship had changed, now. He didn't intend to let him leave his side ever
again.
“No.” Yuu said simply.
He saw Mika’s shoulders tense.
“Why are you trying to run again?” Yuu asked.
“I’m not-”
“Yes, you are!” Yuu strode up behind him, so he spoke right into his ear. “What
I said last night, I meant it. I’m not losing you again.”
“Enough.” Mika shot coldly over his shoulder. “Nothing good could come from
this. I’m going to respect Guren’s final wishes as make sure you’re taken care
of. I’m not going to fuck up your life too.” He couldn't let Yuu see the dark
side of him. He didn't want Yuu to know how much of whore he’d become. Didn't
want Yuu to know all that had become of him…
“The only way you’re going to fuck up my life” Yuu whispered “is if you
disappear from it again.” Yuu stepped to the front of him and grasped his nape.
“You love me.”
Mika let out a shaky breath. He’d mulled his options over and over, and truly
thought that getting away from Yuu was the best option. Nothing good could ever
come from them being together. Yuu would lose his friends. He’d already lost
his dad. There was only so much one person could lose before it became too
much.
“I do love you...But, I let you go a long time ago…” Mika said. The lie tasted
sour on his tongue. He’d never let Yuu go, even after all these years and all
of the effort to put his brother from his mind. Yuu would always have his
heart.
“You asshole…” Yuu murmured. “If that’s how you feel, then prove it! Because
I’ll never let you go!”
Mika blinked at him. “Prove what?”
“Show me, Mika. Fucking show me you don't want me!”
Before Mika was able to utter another word, Yuu’s lips were on his. And it was
just as epic as the first time. Stars exploding, heart stopping. Only this
time, he allowed himself to close his eyes and just  feel.  He’d never kissed
the people he’d had sex with, so he had nothing really to compare Yuu’s to. But
he quickly realised that he  loved  being kissed.
As it lingered, Yuu carded his fingers into Mika’s hair, lightly pulling the
golden strands. Mika’s lips parted slightly, and Yuu took the opportunity to
deepen the kiss.
Mika froze. He’d never experienced a kiss like this. He shyly licked Yuu’s
tongue. He tasted like sleep and sunshine and just a hint of mint from the
night before.
“Tell me you don't want this.” Yuu said between kisses.
“Mnn...huh?”
“Stop me, if that's what you want. Stop me and end this now. Or I won't be able
to stop.” Yuu kissed him again, deeply.
And Mika couldn't stop him. He didn't possess the willpower to. Until, like a
bomb blast, Guren’s words rang out in his mind:  ‘You’re a freak! He’s your
brother! Stop touching him! I will purge you of this sickness!-’
With a gasp, Mika drew back. He took in the hurt expression on Yuu’s face.
Fuck... Everything was so fucked up in his head. Years of abuse and Guren’s
views about his feelings for Yuu being beaten into him, couldn't simply be shut
off because of Yuu’s admission. And he so wished it could be. Mika wished there
was some magical switch that could be flipped that would somehow make him
accept Yuu’s feelings for him, make him believe that he could finally have this
chance to be with Yuu like he’d always ached to be. But there was no magical
switch. The hatred for himself because of his unnatural feelings had been too
deeply ingrained.
Mika took a hesitant step back, hating himself all over again for not allowing
himself to have this. “I’m sorry, Yuu...I can't do this.”
 
Less than an hour later, Yuu watched as Mika climbed into the taxi, his heart
paining him as the person he loved most in the world disappear from view.
Chapter End Notes
     I was so surprised to see how many of you were still into this fic!
     Thank you all so much for your comments! I read them all and couldn't
     stop smiling :)
     Updates still aren't as fast as I'd like them to be, but I'm working
     on it. It's hard to write angsty, self-depreciating Mikayuu while I'm
     being kicked from the inside LOL. It seriously kills my muse.
     But I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Theyre going to be a bit shorter
     now in order for me to update for you all quicker.
     And let me know what you think. Is the pace too slow? What would you
     like to see in the next chapter? Smut may be a thing soon but I'm not
     sure yet. I'd love any suggestions :)
***** Chapter 15 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Yuu meant what he said when he’d told Mika he wasn't going to let him go. He
was nothing if not stubborn and determined. But it seemed like his stubborn
determination had scared Mika off this time.
 
He cursed himself. He  knew  he shouldn't have come onto him so strongly.
Especially after what Mika had gone through with Guren?  Stupid, stupid,
stupid!  He should have known Mika wouldn't simply forget all of that and
they’d ride off into the sunset together. Yuu had been too eager, too quick to
seize an opportunity he’d fabricated throughout the years, when the scenario
finally come to fruition. Yuu didn't realize until Mika’s own feelings for him
had been spilled out in the open, just how  much  he wanted Mika. When they
were kids, he’d always had these urges and cravings to be close to him, make
him smile, to touch him in some way and surround himself with Mika’s presence
and warmth and scent.
 
But at such a young age, while he was still figuring out who he was as a
person, he didn't know what it all meant. He knew he loved Mika. They were best
friends, brothers and kindred spirits, but when the sexual attraction to him
became apparent, he didn't know what to do about it. It confused him, wanting
Mika in that way, and he could imagine that when Mika had made the same
revelation that he was confused as well. The difference was, Guren found out
about Mika’s own attraction and punished him for it. If Guren had found out
that Yuu shared the same inner conflict, would he have done the same to him?
 
The more Yuu introspected about his relationship with Guren, he realized that
no, Guren wouldn't have given Yuu the same treatment. Guren all but disowned
Mika, had even said in the letter that he never saw Mika as his son. Never
loved him. Which broke Yuu’s heart. But Guren saw Yuu as his son, and though
Yuu knew that Guren would have probably roughed him up, as evidenced from the
time Guren hit him for almost going AWOL, but he wouldn't recieve the years of
abuse like Mika had, at least not to such severity. Guren’s military progeny
couldn't be recovering from injuries when he was supposed to be a good little
soldier
 
The whole idea made him feel ill, and Yuu shook away the thoughts as he pulled
onto the street to Mika’s home in Nagoya. He’d stayed away for as long as he
could. He knew Mika needed space, time to think and process the bombardment of
shit Yuu had thrown at him. It had been almost 2 weeks since the time they’d
kissed, and Yuu had hardly slept during that time, too filled with anxiety and
needing to get through to Mika somehow. He didn't want to spook him again, even
though showing up at his house again unannounced probably wasn't the best idea,
but what choice did he have? Mika wasn't answering any of his calls or texts.
If it was anybody else, Yuu’d be afraid he was coming off as stalkerish and
needy. But this was Mika. He’d understand. Right?
 
 
Well it was too late now, Yuu concluded as he passed Mika’s house, opting for
parking a few houses down the street so that he wouldn't scare Mika off. He
took a few steadying breaths before getting out of the car and jogging to the
front door to ring the doorbell. He fidgeted as he waited long enough to make
him think that nobody was home, until the door opened and- Shit…
 
Krul stood in the doorway, her entire demeanor demanding and no nonsense. She
raised a brow when she saw him, giving Yuu a onceover. “Yuuichiro, was it?”
 
“U-um, yes ma'am.”
 
“Something I can help you with?” She asked.
 
“Yeah, um, is Mika home?” He felt like he was going to start sweating under
this woman’s scrutiny.
 
“Nope.” Krul answered simply.
 
“Oh…” Yuu continued standing there, not really sure what to say or what to do.
This woman had every right to call the police on him if she felt threatened.
He’d already broken into her house before. If she thought that Yuu was stalking
Mika, which yeah-now that he was standing on the front porch in front of Krul-
he definitely was sending out some stalkery vibes. Which made him afraid to
even ask  ‘Has he been home since the funeral? Does he still live here? Do you
know when he’ll be back?’
 
He was about to head back to his car before Krul let out a long sigh. Taking
pity on him, she said “Come in, Yuu.”
 
Yuu nervously followed her inside, removing his shoes by the door as he went.
Krul led him into the kitchen. Which only reminded him more of the night he’d
broken in. “Um, can I just say, I’m really sorry about coming into your home
the last time I was here. That was a stupid move and I don't know what I was
thinking.”
 
Krul didn't comment on that as she began filling a kettle with water and
putting it on the stove to boil. “Have a seat, Yuuichiro.”
 
Yuu obeyed immediately.
 
“Do you take sugar in your tea?” She asked.
 
“Oh, I don't really drink-” Yuu cut himself off when Krul gave him a look over
her shoulder. He quickly backpedaled. “Sugar, yes please!”
 
When the tea was finished, she set a mug down in front of Yuu then took a seat
at the head of the table. “So, Yuu, why are you here looking for Mika  this
time?”
 
Yuu took a moment to gather his wits, before answering “I need him, Krul. I
need miss him and I want him back in my life…”
 
Krul seemed to give this some thought as she studied the contents of her cup,
before snapping her penetrating gaze back up at him. “So, let me get this
straight…” She began. “ You  need him, because  you  miss him, and  you  want
him back in  your  life?”
 
Yuu chewed on his bottom lip nervously.
 
“See, all I’m hearing is you, you, you!”
 
Yuu blanched. He couldn't believe he was being scolded by this girl.
 
“Has Mika’s wants or needs ever entered the equation in your mind?”
 
Yuu was literally sweating now. But she had a point. “Look, I know Mika...I
know he wants me in his life too, and I also know he’s afraid. I just...I just
need to talk to him. I need to make him realize that he doesn't need to be
afraid of anything.”
 
 
Krul shook her head sadly. “Yuuichiro, it’s not that simple. You have no idea
what Mika’s been through.”
 
“But I  do,”  Yuu argued. “Our...his dad, he wasn't... kind  to him.” Yuu tried
to avoid letting anything slip that might reveal the true nature of their
situation to this woman, in case Mika had decided to keep all of that a secret.
 
“I know about the abuse from your adoptive father. But that's not what I’m
talking about. Mika’s mental health is fragile, and after he left your father’s
house, he went through even more hardship. He was getting better though,” She
narrowed her eyes on him. “That is, until you showed up.”
 
Yuu winced at that, knowing she was right.
 
“Whatever you have to say to him, won't fix everything that has been broken
within him.” She said. “And he can't give you what he cannot even give
himself.”
 
Yuu just stared at the cooling tea in his mug, trying to will the welling tears
away before he completely broke down in front of this stranger. But he failed,
and a few fat tears slipped down his face. Yuu let out a broken little sound
that he didn't keep in. “I love him.” He said.
 
Krul’s expression softened. “I know.” She said. “But if you really love him,
you’ll let him go.”
 
Yuu shuddered out a breath and considered this. But Yuu wasn't an  ‘if you love
him let him go’  kind of guy. “I’ll let Mika decide for himself.”
 
Krul was becoming exasperated. “I’m pretty sure he’s made his decision, Yuu. As
evidenced by the fact that he’s been trying to avoid you. There’s needing a bit
of space, then there’s  take a freaking hint!”
 
Yuu knew that Krul was just trying to protect Mika, but Yuu was too stubborn to
be swayed. He stood, about to tell Krul exactly where she could stick her
opinion, when the front door opened.
 
Yuu and Krul both froze in place as Mika trudged into the kitchen, loosening
his tie as he went and looking completely exhausted.  
 
When he saw who was in the kitchen, Mika startled and took a halting step back.
“Y-Yuu?!” He gasped. “What the-what are you doing here?”
 
“Mika…” Yuu tried to make his way over to him, but he was stopped by Krul.
 
“I’m sorry, Mika. If you’d like him to leave, I can escort him out. He said he
came to talk to you.”
 
Mika blinked at them for a few moments, before he sighed in defeat. “I’ll let
him say what he needs to say, Krul. I trust him to go when he’s finished.”
 
Yuu couldn't help but feel a bit stung. Mika’s cold and indifferent facade was
firmly back in place.  God,  how he hated it!
 
Krul gave a nod and released Yuu’s arm.
 
“We can talk in my room.” Mika said.
 
Yuu’s heart pounded as he was led upstairs. Inside Mika’s room, he saw that he
was still a neat freak. Everything was freakishly orderly. The books in his
bookshelf were all arranged alphabetically, his bed was made with the sheets
and blankets tucked so tight that you could bounce a quarter off of it. Yuu’s
drill sergeant would have been proud. There was not a speck of dust anywhere,
but the room held that scent that was just completely  Mika,  and it make Yuu’s
skin tingle with pleasure.
 
Mika sat on the edge of his bed, removing his tie before folding it and placing
it on his nightstand. He looked at Yuu expectantly while he removed his socks
as well and unbuttoned the top couple of his shirt buttons. “You wanted to
talk?”
 
Yeah, Yuu  wanted  to talk, but something about watching Mika unwind after
work, and seeing him and a dress shirt and slacks and barefoot, though oddly
endearing, was making his mouth go dry.
 
Yuu cleared his throat, unsure how to begin. “Um, first of all, I wanted to
apologize to you. What happened back in Shinjuku…”
 
Mika looked away, though there was a hint of color on his cheeks. Which made
Yuu’s internal flailing ease a bit.
 
“It’s fine, Yuu…”
 
“No,” Yuu said, tucking his hands into his pockets. “It’s not. I pushed you too
far, too fast. What Guren did to you...I can see why you panicked. And whatever
you went through when you ran away...I know it wasn't easy for you-”
 
Mika stood abruptly. There was tension rolling off of him now. “What did Krul
say to you?” Mika asked.
 
“N-nothing, just that you went through some shit after you left.” Mika’s
shoulders relaxed a little, but he still looked uncomfortable. Embarrassed
even, and a bit ashamed. “What  did  happen the day you disappeared?” Yuu
asked.
 
“Don't worry about it.” Mika said, crossing his arms over his chest in a
defensive stature.
 
Yuu mimicked his stance. “I’m going to worry it no matter what. I  knew
something was wrong when I woke up the next day. And went I went back to get
you, Guren just said that you left on your own, that he tried to stop you but
you wanted to be free.”
 
Mika grit his teeth. “That’s  not  what happened!”
 
“I figured he was lying about that, but now I’m not too sure.” Yuu knew he was
riling Mika up, but it was the only way to get him to break that ice cold
demeanor.
 
“That...that  fucker  beat the shit out of me, Yuu! He was pissed because I was
trying to make you stay, said he wasn't gonna let me fuck up your life too. He
broke my arm that day! And you were nowhere to be found. You left! You
abandoned me!”
 
It was Yuu’s turn now to get riled up. “Of course I left! You shut me out,
Mika. Just like you’re doing now! You didn't talk to me anymore, you avoided me
and lashed out at me, but then get pissed when I try to move on? At least I
tried! At least I came back for you. Just like now! I’m standing here right now
because I could never just leave you behind.”
 
Mika’s fists were clenched at his sides. Yuu had never seen him so furious,
with his muscles swelling as if they were prepping for a fist fight, blue eyes
glittering and narrowed on him as Mika bared his clenching teeth. Even amidst
Yuu’s own ire, he couldn't help but think of how hot Mika is.
 
“Well you need to leave me behind, Yuu!” He snarled. “I’m no good. I’m fucked
up!”
 
“Because you had a crush on me? I’m in the same boat with you, Mika!”
 
“No, because that same night that I ran away, after I was finished setting and
splinting my broken arm in a train station bathroom-” Yuu winced at that. “I
get wasted with some stranger and let him fuck me in a whores motel! Then I
tried to off myself the next day and failed! That's when Krul found me, and I
started living with her. I was on suicide watch for months! And the other two
guys that live here? I let them fuck me all the time!” Mika was becoming a
little hysterical now, and Yuu took a step back. “Don't like hearing that? Well
it's true! Sometimes they double team me, and I beg for it like the dirty slut
I am. I even begged them to fuck me as soon I got back from Shinjuku. Yep, they
spitroasted me right here on the this bed,” Mika slapped his hand against the
mattress. “And I fucking loved it!” He was breathing hard now, his face red and
eyes a little crazed. “So, tell me Yuu, how badly do you still want me, knowing
how pathetic and dirty I am?”
 
Yuu was stunned into silence. Never had he thought that that entire spiel would
ever come out of Mika’s mouth. And he needed a minute to come back down to
earth. Hearing how Mika had to tend to his own broken bones alone and with
nobody to help me, broke his heart. Hearing that he’d tried to take his own
life made Yuu’s throat close up a little. Yuu couldn't hear anything anymore
over his pulse pounding in his ears.
 
The knowledge that Mika had fucked some random guy in a motel, and that the
other two living here were fucking him as well? Yuu wasn't sure how he felt
about that. Jealousy and anger warred within him. He wasn't expecting Mika to
be a virgin still. Yuu wasn't either. But to have his activities made so
blatant made his hackles rise. And after everything that happened after the
funeral?! Did he kiss them with Yuu’s taste still on his lips?!
 
Yuu took a deep breath. Now was not the time to get jealous. Mika wasn't his
boyfriend, or lover or husband. Hell, he wasn't even sure if they were friends
still or not. But it still hurt, how little Mika valued himself…
 
“Do you seriously think of yourself that low?” Yuu asked quietly.
 
“What?” Mika snapped. “I thought I just made that perfectly clear?!”
 
Yuu shook his head. “You think, that just because you tried to end yourself,
and because you screwed around with a couple of guys, that I’m just going to
dismiss you? Mika, what you do, or what you’ve done in the past doesn't define
you. It’s who you are, that I love. You were always so strong, Mika. So
selfless. You were always taking care of the other orphans, you were always
trying to protect me because you put others before yourself. You have a big
heart, and a kind soul and a sharp mind. I’ve always looked up to you. Always
admired you. Yeah, so you did some things that others would judge you for. But
you honestly think I’m one of those kinds of people? Do you think so little of
me?”
 
Mika’s brows drew together as his bravado faltered. “What? No! That’s not-
you’re twisting shit around now!”
 
“That's how I feel, Mika. I’m sad that you attempted to take your own life. It
breaks my heart! And I’ll admit, I’m jealous that those other guys have had
their way with you, but I don't think you’re filthy or disgusting. I don't
think less of you. I still love you, Mika. Nothing you say or do is going to
change that. And if you don't want me the same way I want you anymore, then
that’s fine. But at least give me the chance to be your friend.”
Chapter End Notes
     Mika tried to scare Yuu off, but I don't think he can be turned away
     so easily ;)
     Thank you all so much for your comments and feedback! The next
     chapter shouldn't take too much longer to come out.
     Hope you enjoyed <3
***** Chapter 16 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Mika was almost positive he hadn't heard Yuu correctly. How could he feel
anything but disgust after all of that? Mika sank back to his bed, putting his
head in his hands. He was so damned tired of this. He felt raw and flayed open
only to bleed to death in front of the boy… the  man,  he loved so much. Part
of him was trying to scare him off. Or rather, to see if Yuu  could  be scared
off.Yet here he was, still wearing his heart on his sleeve and offering an
olive branch of friendship. The only problem was, Mika didn't think he could be
just friends  with Yuu. He’d wanted him for too long, but he couldn't have him
now. He was too fucked up in the head, thanks to Guren, his soul too broken and
his heart shattered under the weight of the world.
 
“Being your friend isn't realistic, Yuu. There’s too much between us. And I’ll
always want more with you, but we can't be together. It will only end badly for
both of us…”
 
“You’re so scared Mika. You’re so afraid of shit going wrong, of things ending,
that you won't even let it begin. Your happiness matters, Mika. It’s okay to
want things for yourself. If you want me, you can have me. And if you don't,
I’ll do my best to be your friend. You matter so fucking much to me. If you
were gone... Truly  gone...” Yuu chanced a few steps closer to him, and Mika
let him. “You’re not alone, Mika. Please, just don't shut me out again.”
 
Mika felt his eyes burn with unshed tears. He shook his head. “Guren…”
 
“Guren was right about one thing, Mika. We were brothers then, by law. Yeah, a
relationship at the time between us would have been judged pretty harshly. And
yeah, it wasn't legal to be with a sibling. But Guren’s dead. You changed your
last name and moved out. Guren said so himself, he didn't even consider you his
son. No matter the past, we’re not brothers anymore.” Mika flinched at Yuu’s
words. “So stop beating yourself up about it. You already punished yourself
enough for the past. Guren’s punished you enough. If you still feel anything
for me, you don't have to punish yourself for it! But I understand if you don't
want to act on it.”
 
Mika was shaking with the effort to hold himself together. He knew that Yuu was
right in some way. But… “I just...I don't know how.” Mika croaked. “I don't
know how to be your friend. I don't know how to stop punishing myself. I don't
know how to get Guren out of my head!” Mika couldn't meet Yuu’s eyes, but he
could  feel  the sadness radiating from him. Then he felt Yuu’s large, warm
hand on his shoulder, and just that small touch shattered his emotional house
of cards, causing a sob escape his throat.
 
“I can help you.” Yuu pleaded. “Please, just let me be your friend. I never
want you to have a reason to k-kill yourself Mika! You can be happy again.
Doesnt just the thought of letting go and being happy again, at least make it
worth a try?”
 
Mika didn't answer for long moments. Mulling it over.
 
Yuu straightened, then Mika answered in a whisper “No.”
 
He felt Yuu’s hand on him tremble a little before he moved it away. “Okay…” He
muttered. Mika could hear the hurt in his voice, how it cracked slightly.
 
Fuck it.  He hands flew to Yuu hips, pulling him close again. Mika encircled
his arms around Yuu’s waist as he buried his face into Yuu’s stomach. “I can't
just be friends.” He murmured. “I want more.” Mika was nothing if not self
destructive. If being with Yuu the way he wanted was going to fuck with his
head even more, then at least he’ll go out knowing what it was like to have
this. If only just once. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't handle trying
to repress his feelings anymore. Couldn't handle trying to tamp down Guren’s
poisonous words and those terrible memories every single day. And with Yuu back
in his life, there was no escaping the inevitable. He could reject Yuu over and
over, but he’d always come back into his life. He knew this all too well. Yuu
wasn't the type to just give up. And though part of him wishes he would,
another part of him couldn't help but be relieved that Yuu wouldn't give up on
him.
 
 
Yuu wrapped his own arms around Mika’s head and shoulders, letting him slowly
fall apart as he cried against Yuu’s stomach. Yuu stroked his hair, murmuring
“It’s okay. I’ve got you. Shh, everything’s gonna be okay.”
 
“I-I lied,” Mika said.
 
But Yuu didn't even pause in his stroking of Mika’s hair. He remained a
constant pillar of comfort as he asked “Lied about what?”
 
“Those guys, the ones that live here. I didn't do anything with them when I got
home from the funeral.” Mika explained. He wasn't sure why he said it. Probably
to try to scare Yuu away. “I couldn't, not after kissing you. I don't think I’d
ever be able to be with anyone else ever again, Yuu-chan. You’ve wrecked me…”
 
Yuu’s hand tightened a little in Mika’s hair. Not hard enough to hurt, but
enough to show he was serious. “I’d say I was sorry for that, but…”
 
Yuu wasn't going to give up, and he knew it. So Mika gave in.
 
Mika made a sound of frustration, before he pulled Yuu down to his level and
kissed him hard. Yuu froze, momentarily stunned, but relaxed into the kiss with
a low groan.
 
A sense of urgency washed over Mika, coupled with the familiar anxiety over the
notion that he was doing something wrong. Something bad. He deepened the kiss
and cupped Yuu’s voice, desperate to chase away those feelings with the
pleasure of kissing Yuu. But somehow, it wasn't enough. Guren’s voice began to
echo in his mind.
 
He reached for Yuu’s belt buckle.
 
Yuu’s breath hitched and he grabbed at Mika’s frantic hands. When Mika wouldn't
let up, he broke the kiss. “Whoa, whoa Mika, wait a second.”
 
“Please.” Mika begged. “Please!”
 
Yuu straightened, cupping Mika’s face in his hands and forcing them to meet
eyes. “Hey.” Yuu said. “I don't think that's a good idea.”
 
Feeling rejected, Mika tried to look away. But Yuu wouldn't let him. “Look at
me. I want to, believe me. But I need to make sure you’re okay.”
 
“I’m not.” Mika admitted. “I’m not okay. Yuu-chan, I can still hear him. I need
to drown it out! Please, help me forget. If we’re going to do this, I need to
know right away if I even  can.  Give me something to help me forget, Yuu-
chan.”
 
*
 
The sadness in Mika’s eyes was killing Yuu. He wanted to give Mika everything
he wanted, and he was inwardly battling between being happy that Mika had
finally opened up enough and was willing to give into what Yuu knew he wanted,
and heartbroken over learning the grizzly truth of the pain he’d indured
emotionally and physically. He’d give him the fucking moon if he could. But Yuu
was able to recognize when Mika was going down a dark path again and it would
only lead to self destruction and regret. He couldn't have that. Not if they
were going to make this work.
 
As Yuu watched Mika’s inner battle, an idea lit upon him. Guren’s words in
Mika’s head, telling him not to touch, but Guren hadn't said anything to Mika
about not letting Yuu touch  him. Right?
 
“Lay back.” Yuu said, determined to take control of this situation before it
got out of hand. If Mika wanted something to make him forget Guren’s abuse,
he’d fill his head with as many good memories as he could. Being together would
be impossible if Mika associated it being beaten.
 
Mika hesitantly complied and lay on his back. His chest was rising and falling
rapidly, as if on the verge of panic. “All the way back.” Yuu said. “Put your
head on the pillows, relax.”
 
Brows drawn, Mika did as he was told. Yuu crawled up onto the bed with him and
knelt by Mika’s side. “Listen to me.” Yuu began, trying to bring Mika back from
whatever dark space he was receding into. “Guren told you not to touch me?” He
asked.
 
“Yuu-”
 
“Just trust me. An answer the question.”
 
Mika swallowed and nodded.
 
“Did he ever tell you not to let me touch you?”
 
Mika though for a moment, his eyes shifting around the room as he searched his
memory. Finally he met Yuu’s gaze again, his blue eyes widening a bit. “No…” He
whispered.
 
Yuu smiled softly. “So if I touch you, you aren't doing anything wrong. I’m the
one who’s going to be in control of this, okay? You don't have to do anything.
I’ll do all the touching, because I  want  to touch you. You’re not doing
anything wrong. Understand?”
 
Mika blinked at him and nodded again.
 
“Do you trust me?”
 
“Y-yes…”
 
“Good.” Yuu cupped Mika’s cheek. “If at any point you feel like you’re receding
and trying to disconnect from what we’re doing, I’ll stop. If you need me to
stop, just say ‘no more’ and I’ll stop.”
 
Mika nodded in understanding, and Yuu set to work. He gripped Mika’s wrist and
put them down by his sides. “Hold onto the blanket.” When Mika did as he was
told, Yuu began unbuttoning Mika’s dress shirt. He silently wondered what kind
of job Mika had that would make him wear a dress shirt and tie, but that was a
question for later.
 
Mika grip tightened on the blankets as reach a little past the blonde’s
waistband to untuck his shirt. The backs of Yuu’s knuckles brushed over Mika’s
flat stomach, and felt his face heat as he finished unbuttoning the shirt and
parted the fabric to expose Mika’s creamy, soft skin. A light, pink flush
painted Mika’s skin, starting at the top of his chest and creeping up his neck
to his face and ears.
 
Yuu fought the urge to gape in awe of him. Mika was just too pretty for his own
good. “Will you remove your shirt for me?”
 
Mika’s breath hitched a little and he didn't move for a few moments. Yuu
thought that he was going to tap out, but Mika slowly sat up to tug the shirt
off of his shoulders and arms, then tossed it to the floor before laying back
down.
 
Yuu’s lips quirked a little at Mika’s carelessness about his clothing in favor
of getting on with the program as he lay back down. Yuu’s eyes landed on the
tie still folded on the nightstand and reached to grab it when an idea came to
mind. “Hold your wrists out.” He said. Mika hesitated again, but when he
complied Yuu tied them loosely together with the tie, then stretched Mika’s
arms over his head. Bringing their faces inches apart, Yuu rasped “Don't move.”
 
Mika’s breathing sped up a little, but his eyes remained clear, which meant he
wasn't panicking. Yuu moved to kneel between Mika’s spread legs as he slowly
ran his hand ran Mika’s bound wrists, down an arm, his chest, grazing over a
flat nipple with a featherlight touch that make Mika bite him lip and blush
even more. Yuu wanted so badly to play with those tight, pink pebbles, but he
had to get on with this before either Yuu came in his pants, or Mika lost his
nerve. Whichever came first.
 
He ran his hand down Mika’s body until he reached his belt buckle. When he
began to unfasten the belt, Mika squirmed a bit and raised himself awkwardly
onto an elbow. “Yuu-chan-”
 
“Only your pants.” Yuu said. “You’ll still be clothed, unless you want me to
stop? You know what to say if you do.”
 
Mika looked conflicted, embarrassed, completely at a loss as to what was going
to happen. But finally, he lay back down, though he breathing was still a bit
fast.
 
“You can stop this at any time, don’t forget that, okay?”
 
When Mika breathed out a croaked “yes”, Yuu continued his exploration. His cock
twitched in his pants when he unzipped Mika’s, and inherently felt the growing
hardness of Mika’s own shaft as he drew the zipper all the way down. The bulge
in Mika’s boxer-briefs only became more apparent when Yuu began tugging Mika’s
pants down and Mika raised his hips to accommodate him.
 
Fuck... Okay, so yeah, Yuu had seen Mika’s dick before, both clothed and
unclothed. But that was when they were kids. And...yeah, it was bigger than he
remembered. So much so, that he felt slightly intimidated by it.
 
When Mika squirmed from Yuu’s staring, Yuu inwardly shook himself and backwards
crawled to the foot of the bed before stepping off the edge, dragging Yuu’s
pants off of his legs in one fluid motion. Before Mika could become even more
uncomfortable about his state of undress, Yuu gripped one of Mika’s legs and
pressed a soft kiss to the inside of his ankle.
 
The little whimper Mika let out was the sexiest thing he’d ever heard.  Fuck,
how he wanted to draw more sweet noises from him.
 
Yuu crawled back onto the bed, but halted when Mika sat up. “C-can we...um…”
 
Shit.  Had Yuu fucked up again?  Fuck!
 
“This is a little awkward…” Mika said. “I mean...like...you still have all your
clothes on, and I…”
 
Oh thank god!  “You want me to take me clothes off too?”
 
Mika licked his lips subtly as he dragged his gaze over Yuu’s body.
 
That was all the answer Yuu needed. Stepping off the bed again, he shucked off
his t-shirt and undid his own belt, making a little show of unzipping his pants
and shoving them off of his legs while Mika watched with a riveted gaze.
 
Yuu’s skin was buzzing, his cock felt stiff and sensitive and balls heavy.
Something about this slow, steady build, and Mika’s eyes on his every move, got
him hot and was driving him mad.
 
He crawled back up between Mika’s legs, running his hands over the exposed skin
of Mika’s taught thighs, the fine, blonde hairs rasping under his palms,
pausing briefly on his hips, fingers spanning over the sharp jut of his
hipbones and thumbs kneading at the supple flesh at the top of his legs on
either side of Mika’s cock, which was now tenting his underwear.
 
Mika gripped the pillow under his head as his eyes briefly closed, groaning
softly. “Jesus, Mika…” Yuu breathed. He sat up so he could run his palms up
Mika’s flanks, openly appreciating all of Mika’s slim muscles, now taught with
tension and rippling with every slight twitch and exhale. “You’re so fucking
beautiful.”
 
Mika’s eyes squeezed shut as Yuu fingers reached his nipples again.
 
Yuu stopped. “Mika.” He prompted. When Mika cracked open an eyelid, he said
“still with me?”
 
“Yeah…” Mika breathed.
 
“Eyes on me.” Yuu said. He ran his hands up Mika’s torso to his chest again,
finally indulging himself and thumbing those tight nipples.
 
“Oh fuck-” Mika gasped, arching his spine and throwing his head back against
the pillows.
 
Yuu couldn't stop the sly grin spreading across his face at having found one of
Mka’s erogenous zones. Apparently he liked his nipples toyed with. He tweaked
the nubs slight and Mika shuddered, planting his feet flat on the bed and
slightly bucked his hips.
 
Mika was now craving friction down south, his eyes were clouded with lust.
Good.  This was where Yuu was trying to get him.
 
Crawling more up Mika’s body, he gripped Mika’s bound wrists again with a hand,
the other staying his hips as Yuu blanketed himself over Mika and brought their
hips together. Yuu held the eye contact as their hard cocks rubbed against one
another. The slight friction making Yuu’s breath catch as electricity sparked
between them.
 
“Y-Yuu..Oh god…” Mika gasped when Yuu rocked his hips, and began a slow pace as
he rutted his dick against Mika’s. The underwear between them was a frustrating
barrier, but Yuu could still feel every pulse and jump of Mika’s cock against
his own throbbing shaft, precum wetting the front of their boxers. But Yuu
didn't stop, his eyes drank in the sight of Mika slowly falling apart with
every thrust. His lips parted on another groan and Yuu was helpless not to take
that sweet mouth. He delved his tongue in again and again, timing it with his
thrusts, rocking them together. He kept a firm grip on Mika’s wrists when he
felt him try to bring them down, and only broke their kiss when Mika began to
tense.
 
Yuu was about to stop altogether in order to gauge Mika’s state of mind and see
if he was okay, until he felt Mika’s legs wrap around his waist as he bucked to
meet Yuu’s thrusts. He looked down at Mika’s face, dazed by the sight of Mika’s
lids sliding closed as he moans grew more desperate.
 
“Fuck-oh fuck-” With a gasp, he felt Mika’s cock pulsate and twitch rapidly as
he came, wetness from his spend slicking the front of Yuu’s own underwear.
 
The warmth, the feeling of Mika coming, combined with the sight of his lost in
his pleasure, was Yuu’s undoing. He buried his face against Mika’s neck as he
tumbled over the edge with him, spilling into his boxers, the heat of his blood
slapping his face and flushing his skin, continuing to gently slide against
Mika through their bliss.
 
Chapter End Notes
     So...that's a thing that happened...
     Who here thinks that Mika's going to lose his shit over this?
     Who here wants him to?
     Who here doesn't?
     I'm always open to suggestions. I love your comments so much. They
     give me life! <3
     I hope you are still enjoying this! Because holy shit this is the
     most angsty thing I've ever written...
***** The Light *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
 
What have I done?...
 
Mika’s mind turned over and over, trying to process what had just happened.
Trying to fit this scenario into his fucked up life and figure out how the hell
they had gotten to this point. He’s sure he initiated...something, but his mind
was a tornado of thoughts and blank spaces where he receded into himself and
lost his mind.
 
He’d came, with Yuu rubbing against him, so fucking perfectly. The sensual roll
of Yuu’s hips, the way his green eyes had grown heavy lidded and dark with want
and stoking his own long denied desires...and he’d come in his damned
underwear. And…
 
The world hadn't ended.
 
There was nobody who would punish him for this, except himself. But Mika wasn't
sure what to punish himself for. For allowing Yuu to touch him and be close to
him and kiss him and…?
 
Anxiety crawled its way into his belly, familiar and unwelcome. He didn't know
what to do now. He didn't know what this meant. He felt like he’d done
something terribly, horribly wrong, and at the same time, it felt so right to
be with Yuu this way, so intimately. Their bodies fitting together so perfectly
as Yuu lay atop him, panting against his neck and sending little shivers down
his spine when his breath ghosted over his cooling sweat.
 
Yuu straightened his arms and remained hovering above him, blinking sluggishly
as they took in the sight of one another’s state.
 
Mika, however, couldn't hold Yuu’s glittering gaze. It was too much. All of
this was too fucking much! He wriggled a bit, grimacing at the feeling of his
cum beginning to dry within the confines of his underwear.
 
Yuu got the hint and rolled off of him and untied to knot still holding Mika’s
wrists together. Mika sat up, rubbing his wrists, looking down at slightly
redenned skin from when he’d strained against his bonds as he came. His face
heated even more at the evidence of what he’d just done. And hated himself that
he didn't feel as ashamed as he thought he should have.
 
“Mika?” Yuu said quietly, trying not to startle the other man out of whatever
reverie he was in. When Yuu only got a grunt in reply, he reached out to place
a tentative hand on Mika’s broad shoulder.
 
Mika shuddered from the light touch, inhaling shakily. “What?” He whispered,
barely even audible.
 
As much as it bothered Yuu, that Mika had once again retreated behind the
steely walla he’d constructed around himself, he knew trying to talk him down
wouldn't work. Mika needed to process everything, as did Yuu.
 
“Umm…” Yuu began. “Could I...maybe use your restroom?” When he indicated his
crotch as Mika looked at him, he almost snorted with laughter when Mika snapped
his eyes away again to stare down at his wringing hands.
 
“Er-over there.” Mika indicated a door connected a bathroom to his bedroom and
Yuu hopped off of the bed, scooping up his clothes on his way.
 
When the door was shut with a soft  snick,  Mika flopped backwards on his bed
and threw an arm over his eyes. He took a few deep breaths to try to calm his
racing heart and trying to think of something he could say to Yuu when he
returned, when he heard the shower turn on inside his bathroom.
 
Well, just make yourself right at home, Yuu-chan.  Mika thought with annoyance.
 
He sat up when the shower shut off, slightly panicking at the fact that he
still had a wet spot on his boxers and Yuu would likely see it.  Fuck!  She
quickly pulled his blanket over his lap before Yuu opened the bathroom door
again, and was thankful he did when he saw Yuu step out of the bathroom is
nothing but a towel. As his eyes took in the sight-Yuu, hair wet and dripping
onto those muscular shoulders and trailing down his abs and lower to...Mika
shook himself and raised his eyes to Yuu’s face, angry with himself and his
traitorous dick for twitching with interest. He just barely stopped himself
from palming it.
 
Yuu smirked a little- cocky fucking asshole- before asking “Can I borrow some
underwear? I’m all for going commando when the occasion calls for it, but I’m a
little on the...sensitive side right now.”
 
Mika gaped at Yuu once his words processed.  How can he be so casual?  He found
himself pointing to his underwear drawer before he thought better of it, and
when Yuu opened it up, Mika sprung from the bed upon remembering the  gift
he’d gotten from Lacus and Renee--
 
Then Yuu held it up before Mika could reach him, and quirked a dark brow.
“Well…” Yuu twirled the bright blue jock strap around his index finger. “ This
is certainly unexpected!”
 
“Give me that!” Mika frantically snatched at it, but Yuu held it away from him.
 
With a laugh, Yuu said “Why? Maybe I wanted to wear it for you! You wouldn't
like to see that?-”
 
“Enough!” Mika barked, shoving Yuu hard enough to cause him to stumble and drop
the garment. Mika swooped it up, shoved it back in his underwear drawer and
kicked it closed in one fluid movement. Then he rounded on Yuu, who was
blinking at him, eyes a bit wide. “Y-you can't just... do  this to me!” Mika
balled his hands into fists at his sides. He didn't know why he was so angry.
Maybe it had to do with the fact that Yuu was acting so fucking calm and
natural, as if what they’d just done was normal. While Mika was still reeling!
 
“Do what do you?” Yuu asked, chancing a step towards the other. He knew he was
playing with fire by provoking Mika, but it was the only way it seemed to get
Mika past his defenses.
 
“This!” Mika indicated the space between them. “This...this, thing you’re
doing! You showing up, unannounced and fucking with me! Where do you get off
at?!”
 
Yuu rose a brow at him again. “Mika, I think we  both  know, where I just got
off…”
 
Mika blanched at Yuu’s heated gaze raking over his still half naked body. Then
threw up his hands in frustration. “Ugh! You’re impossible!” Then he strode to
the bathroom, slamming the door behind himself.
 
*
 
 
Feeling victorious, Yuu rifled back through the underwear drawer, avidly
ignoring the jockstrap and the images bombarding his mind that came with it.
Because  fuck,  picturing Mika in that was going to send him into a lather.
 
He quickly dressed, stuffing his half hard dick into his jeans and zipping them
before pulling his shirt back on and making himself at home on Mika’s bed.
 
When he heard the shower turn on, he allowed himself to bury his face in the
pillows, inhaling Mika’s scent.  God,  how he’d missed him. He knew he was
pushing his boundaries, and Mika had a right to be upset at him, but he
couldn't find it within himself to care. He needed Mika like he needed air. He
was it for him. He just had to keep working at the guy until he got past his
fears and stopped being such a contradiction.
 
*
Mika was practically shaking as he stood under the water pouring over him.
Whether it was from rage at Yuu, or fear from what they’d done, he didn't know.
 
Resting his forehead against the wall, he blinked down at the water circling
the drain as he tried to take deep breaths to slow his racing heart. And...
Fucking hell... He was hard again.
 
“Ugh!” Mika tugged at his hair in frustration. He didn't know why he was
fighting this so hard. Okay, that was a lie. He knew why. And the why was
Guren. And the temptation that had manifested himself was likely lounging on
Mika’s bed at the moment-possibly still practically naked-only added to his
frustration, fear and arousal.
 
He didn't want to feel this way. Yuu wanted him. And nothing but himself could
get in the way of them being together. And he wished so badly that he could be
as carefree as Yuu was with how he felt. But Yuu had always been that way. He
saw what he wanted and took it, while Mika continued to be a bystander and
silently pine and punish himself for it.
 
And to what end? How long could he carry on like this? Yuu was back in his
life. And as infuriating as it was, that his little safe bubble had been
penetrated by his darkest desire, he wasn't going to go away. He’d given an
inch, and Yuu wanted a mile. What would happen if he just gave Yuu what he -
what they both- wanted?
 
“That selfish, stupid, fucking asshole-” Mika growled and slammed the water
off. Not bother to dry off or grab a towel, he swung open the bathroom door to
see, yep, Yuu lounging in his bed as if he belonged there.  And he does.
 
Yuu looked up at him from where he was laying there looking at his phone, and
flitted his gemstone green eyes up and down Mika’s naked body, then to his
fuming face. He swallowed. “Uh, Mika? You okay?”
 
Mika didn't answer as he stalked over to the bed, radiating all of the fury he
felt.
 
Yuu sat up instantly as Mika came at him, holding his hands up in defense in
case Mika was going to punch him. It sure looked like he was about to. “Mika,
wait! Look I’m sorry, I’ll just-”
 
Mika gripped him by the front of his shirt, hauling him up with a strength that
temporarily stunned Yuu, right before he crushed their lips together in a
bruising kiss.
 
Yuu’s breath hitched and he automatically opened lips and Mika plunged his
tongue inside, tangling their tongues frantically, releasing the front of Yuu’s
shirt to grip at his hair, his arms, his hips, running his hands all over Yuu’s
body as if he couldn't decide where he wanted to touch him. Yuu’s cock was
filling up faster than he thought possible and all he was able to do as all of
the blood from his brain rushed down south was cup Mika’s face and hang on
throughout the borderline panicky exploration of his face.
 
Then, just as soon as it had started, the kiss ended. Mika shoved him away.
“You need to go.” His chest was heaving and he was breathing as harshly as Yuu,
face flushed and eyes glassy.
 
Yuu took a step back, blinking dumbly, unsure of what the fuck had just
happened. “Umm…”
 
“Please, Yuu.” Mika pleaded. “I promise, we will talk tomorrow. I have a lot of
work I have to do though and I can't have you here right now. I don't know what
I’ll do to you if you stay.”
 
Yuu parted his lips to tell the blonde “Enlighten me, then” but Mika just shook
his head.
 
“Don't. Just...I’m not telling you to get out of my life, Yuu. Because I know
that that won't work with you. And honestly, I don't think I want you to…” He
looked up to meet Yuu’s wide eyes, feeling an ache in his chest at the sight of
him. “Come back tomorrow. I’ll be home at six. We can talk then, okay? I
promise. Just...just give me some time to think…”
 
Yuu licked his lips, causing Mika to zone in on his kiss swollen mouth, before
Yuu said “Okay. I’ll go. But tomorrow.” He pinned Mika with his gaze.
“Tomorrow, Mika, we make some decisions. Things are going to changed.” The tone
in Yuu’s voice brooked no argument. And when Mika nodded his assent, Yuu
released a breath he’d been holding and ran a hand through his messy hair.
“Okay. Tomorrow then…” He made his way to the door before looking over his
shoulder with a hopeful smile. “Goodnight, Mika.”
 
Mika gulped. “Goodnight.” Then when his door was shut, he flopped face first
onto his bed.  Holyfuckingshit!  He could hardly believe what he’d just done.
And, fuck, it had felt so damned good to just  take.
 
.
 
He ate silently, Krul watching him expectantly from her spot on the couch as he
chewed methodically, his mind racing with every possible scenario that could
possibly play out tomorrow.
 
When he finally finished all of his homework from his classes and crawled under
his covers, he fell asleep with the thoughts of what tomorrow might bring in
his mind. He knew he had a decision to make. And as the last bits of
consciousness fled him, before he slipped into sleep, he made his choice.
 
Chapter End Notes
     I know this chapter was a bit shorter than the other but...shorter
     chapter=faster update? So...yay?...
     I was going to include the next part in this as well, but it just
     didn't feel like it would flow very well and would have taken me a
     lot longer to update again.
     So many of your comments gave me such an inner battle on where I
     wanted to take this. And I think I got it figured out...yeah....I
     think so....
     I'm thinking about polishing this up once it's finished (and changing
     the names of course) to publish on amazon or something. I'm not sure
     it this is good enough to even sell, but...I've been reading a lot of
     M/M romance (for science!) and I don't think this is TOO horrible,
     compared to a few I've read that have actual Audible narrators!
     Or I could just be high off of all your guy's support. Lol but it
     helps keep me motivated! And I also wont be having to work anymore
     once baby gets here so I'll need a project!
     Anyway I hope you all are still enjoying this and I love you and
     thank you all so much for the support!<333
***** Chapter 18 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Mika felt like hell the next morning as he made his way to the office he had
just began interning at the weeks following Guren’s funeral. Dreams had plagued
him-no, not dreams. Nightmares-Or more so, memories of the hell he’d endured
living under Guren’s charge.
 
It seemed as if his decision he’d made before falling asleep had brought on all
of the pain and hatred he’d had thrown at him for years living in that house,
as if his subconscious was trying to shake his resolve and erase any little
threads of hope within the fragile web he was beginning to weave.
 
However, his job had demanded his full attention. Mika had begun the first
chapters of his new life, doing what he had set out to do since the dawning
light of a potential future had broken over his bleak horizon after he’d
attempted to end it all; Helping children. Or more specially, abused kids and
teens who were suffering at the hands of the people who were supposed to love
and care for them. Mika was most involved in the youth outreach program which
placed LGBT youth in safe housing once the extraction team of the company got
the kids out of the hostile or abusive situation. This job, this cause, meant
so much to Mika and he decided to hone the anger and hurt he’d felt, and use
the reminder his harrowing nightmares had brought to him the night before, and
let it fuel the task he had at hand.
 
A young boy, only 14, was brought into the Centre at 3AM the previous night
after having been extracted from his home in Osaka after being tipped off and
hired by one of the boy’s teachers that had witnessed the boy being bullied and
beaten by classmates because they had seen the boy kissing another boy at
school. It had been a setup to out the boy, and once his parents had found out,
they’d beat him as well. Apparently, the boy had been suffering the same sick
“conversion therapy” Mika had gone through with Guren trying to beat him
straight. He’d assisted in a couple of stakeouts with the lead investigator
during the 2 week reprieve after the funeral, and the sight of the boy, so
broken and afraid of his very own existence, had resignated with Mika in such a
way that he felt personally invested in his welfare.
 
So when Mika was told that the boy was at the Centre when he got into the
office at 7AM sharp, his heart thudded a little at the prospect that maybe he’d
get a chance to speak with him. Though his and the team’s hearts collectively
broke at the news that the boy was brought it with several broken fingers, a
broken nose and bruised ribs and was under clinical care of the facility until
he was healed.
 
With the permission of his superior, however, he’d been allowed access to speak
to the boy when he woke a couple of hours later while Mika was reading through
some files at his desk. He was the youngest on the team by at least a decade
and the lead agent had told him that his calm, gentle nature may keep the boy
calm enough to open up a little. Apparently he was afraid, and Mika could
understand that. Even though nobody on the team knew what Mika had been through
in his own past, they did know that this kind of job called to him and he had a
knack for comforting kids who’ve been hurt.
 
Mika removed his jacket and tie, unbuttoning the constricting top button of his
dress shirt in order to look as unintimidating as possible. Mika knew what is
what like to have somebody official looking coming to talk to you when you
already felt so small and vulnerable.
 
The boy was very closed off when Mika entered the little room where the boy was
hooked up to monitors and an IV. The Centre of On Your Six had a wonderful
nurse’s staff and had taken great care with the boy and his comfort, wrapping
him in a soft blanket that he was allowed to keep once he left for his new
home. The blanket was stitched with the phone number for the suicide hotline as
well, in case he ever needed it…
 
The boy’s name was Connie, and he turned away from him as soon as he’d entered
the room and took a seat in the chair by his bed.
 
“Hey there.” Mika said gently.
 
He was ignored for a while, until Connie became curious and peeked over at him.
 
Mika began asking simple questions;His name, age, what he liked to do and what
he wanted to be when he grew up.
But when Mika began asking about his home life and began to delve into the
nitty gritty, the boy closed off again.
 
“You know…” Mika began. “I know how you feel.”
 
The boy scoffed, which made Mika grin a little in understanding.
 
“I was like you once, only I wasn't so lucky...” When Mika trailed off, and
after a moment of silence, the boy turned back to him. “You see…” Mika
continued “When I was very little, maybe 7 years old, my parents threw me away.
Literally. They threw me from a moving car on a highway outside of Shinjuku.
Broke my arm in two places, my face and body was all scratched and bruised.”
 
The boy turned him to fully, brows drawn. “Why?”
 
Mika shrugged. “I’m not sure. They didn't want me, I guess? I was different
from the other boys. But I didn't discover that until I was about your age.”
 
The boy’s lips parted, but no words came out.
 
So Mika went on. “I was found 3 days later, starving, I almost died too. I’m
honestly surprised I didn't, considering my injuries.” Mika decided to level
with the boy, speak to him like an adult, like he’d wished somebody would have
spoken to him when he was going through such turmoil. “I was brought to an
orphanage, the director was a kind woman. The kids were all younger than me
though, so I kind of took on a caretaker role for them. Until this boy came
along…” Mika felt his pulse begin the pick up speed at the mention of Yuu, and
all of the pain associated with loving him. “He was my age. We were good
friends for many years. And...when somebody came along to adopt him, he refused
to leave me behind. That’s when I knew...you know? He was special to me.”
 
“You...L-liked him? Like...that?”
 
Mika nodded hesitantly. He wasn't exactly out of the closet. Nobody At school
knew he was gay, and the only people who knew he was, were the ones he worked
closely with and had questions about his motives for wanting to help abused
LGBT youth. Well, them and the other occupants of his residence. But he felt
that being open and honest with this boy would be the best approach, and the
boy wouldn't judge him, considering they were in the same shitty boat at one
point in their lives.
“More than liked him, I guess. Even more so when he convinced the man who
wanted to adopt him, to adopt me too. But…” Mika ran a hand through his hair.
“As I got older, it got harder to keep my feelings to myself. And when my fa-
the man who adopted us found out my feelings for my friend...he hurt me. Badly.
To him, I wasn't his son. But, my friend was, to him, he was his true son. He
didn't want me, and he didn't accept me as I was. And didn't tolerate my
sexuality when it came to my feelings for his son.”
 
Connie sat up a little, now invested in the story. “But...but you liked him,
before, right? Before he was his son?”
 
“You see…” Mika explained “when somebody adopts, because the two adopted kids
share a parent, they’re considered brothers…”
 
The boy’s eyes widened at that.
 
“Yeah.” Mika almost laughed to try to hide his emotions. “We were brothers
after the adoption, and my attraction to my friend, and brother, was not
tolerated by...that man.”
 
“That’s not fair…” The boy whispered.
 
“What do you mean?”
 
“You loved him…”
 
Mika clasped his hands together. “I still do…”
 
“What did you do?”
 
Mika sighed. “Nothing.” He met the boy’s eyes. “I did nothing. I kept my
distance. Kept my feelings to myself. But whenever that man thought I was
getting too close to his son, he’d beat me. There was nobody who could help me,
because I didn't want anybody to know. Because if people found out, I’d be
seperated from my friend. And I loved him and wanted to stay with him. But I
pretended I hated him so the man would stop hurting me. So one day, my friend
left. He joined the army. And because I tried to stop him from leaving, I was
hurt almost as badly as you were…” Mika roamed his eyes over the boy, the cast
on his right hand, the bandage on his nose and the IV.
 
The boy scowled at him. “So...what you’re saying, is that I’ll go from my real
dad that beats me for being gay, to an adoptive dad that will beat me for that
too?!”
 
“No, no of course not!” Mika assured. “What I’m trying to say is, you’re lucky
because, you will be placed with people who will love you. Exactlyas you are. I
didn't have that, back then. I had nothing and nobody, for a long time. I was
over 18 when I finally got away. And I had to do that on my own. I ran away,
broken limbs and all, and was lucky enough to find someone who talked me off
that proverbial ledge.”
 
Connie seemed to understand, before he asked. “W-will my dad find me?”
 
Mika shook his head. “We’ll make sure he doesn't, if that is your wish. We’re
here to protect you. And I know how important it is to feel protected. Nothing
is wrong with who you are.” Mika said. “You seem like a smart kid, and a good
person. Just because you’re homosexual, doesn't mean you don't deserve to have
a life and love, because we alldeserve love. No matter who that love goes out
to.”
 
The boy sniffled a bit. “And you?”
 
Mika blanched. “Me?”
 
“Your friend.” The boy said. “What happened to him? Are you happy with him?”
 
Mika bit his lip, looked down at his hands which he’d noticed he was wringing.
But then it dawned on him. I am...The hollowness he’d felt had ebbed since Yuu
had come back into his life. And even though that was replaced with all of the
frustration and heartache associated with the man he loved and wanted more than
life itself...he wanted everything that came with it, even though it hurt…
 
“We aren't...together.” Mika said. And when the boy looked troubled, Mika
amended “Not yet. But...miracles happen, Connie. And from what he’s said, he
feels the same way. It’s taken years for me, to get to this point. But
happiness is out there. And I’m happy now. And you can be happy too.”
 
Connie cast him a doubtful look, before turning away.
 
“You will.”Mika reached a hand out to place on the boy’s slim shoulder in a
placating gesture. “We’re going to take care of you. You’ll be placed in a
shelter with other kids like you, who’ve gone through a lot of the same issues
as you, until we find you a good home. It’s a nice place, I’ve seen it.” Mika
assured. “You’ll be safe there and supported in whatever you want to do with
your life. You’re free now, Connie…”
 
Connie looked back at him, brown eyes so wide and wet with tears and shining
with hope. “Thank you.” He whispered. “Will I...see you again?”
 
Mika hesitated. There were regulations in place about the kids they extracted
and having future contact with them. But since Mika hadn't extracted the boy
himself, he figured he could find a loophole with that in the system. He
nodded. “I will.”
 
*
 
Mika got back to the house around 5pm after work. The day was emotionally
draining and his head hurt so much from all of the case files he’d read, that
he almost forgot that Yuu would be there within the hour. To talk…
 
Krul greeted him when he walked into the kitchen to grab a water, and figured
now would be the best time to speak with her.
 
“Hey Krul?”
 
“Hmm?” Was her reply from where she perused the contents of their pantry.
 
He set his water down and shoved his hands in his pockets so he wouldn't
fidget. Why am I so nervous?“I need to talk to you about something.”
 
She turned to him, affixing him with those intense amber eyes that held a
million questions Mika hadn't answered. “Oh yeah?” Krul crossed her arms over
her chest, obviously a bit disgruntled at Mika’s recent evasiveness since he’d
returned from the funeral.
 
“Yeah…” Mika took a deep breath before he began. “Some...things happened…” He
said. “While I was in Shinjuku with Yuuichiro…”
 
Krul raised a brow, but otherwise stayed silent.
 
“And then yesterday…” Mika ran a hand through his hair, huffing out an
irritated breath at the fact that he was so fucking nervous. And he didn't know
why. Krul knew everything about his affections for Yuu. And yeah, she had her
own opinion on that, but Krul had always been a shoulder to cry on or an ear to
listen. “Yesterday, we came to a sort of...impasse.”
 
“An impasse?”Her cutting tone made Mika flinch a little.
 
“Yeah...like, so...he wants...more. With me.”
 
Krul leveled her gaze. “What are you trying to say, Mika?”
 
Mika bit his lip. “He wants to...try. Wants me to try a relationship with him.”
 
“And what did you say?”
 
“Well...I kind of kicked him out after we-” He cut himself off, not wanting to
reveal that they’d gotten off together for the first time yesterday and that it
had blown his fucking mind. “After he came by and we...talked last night. I
wasn't ready to talk more about it. But I promised him we would today.”
 
“So...you’re agreeing to this?!” Krul dropped her arms by her sides in a
defeated gesture. “Mika...I’ve seen what loving him has done to you. I’ve seen
the pain and heartache you’ve suffered! And you’re just going to let him back
in?” She snapped her fingers. “Just like that?!”
 
“I don't know!” He stated, defensively. “That's why I need to talk to him. Set
some ground rules. And all of that shit in the past happened before I knew how
he felt about me. Krul, he wants me too. As more than brothers. As more than a
friend...And I just - I have to see if this is real…”
 
Krul’s expression softened, and she sidled up to cup his face. “I don't want
him to hurt you again, Mika. You’ve only ever known him in a certain way. What
if you get to know him intimately and find out that it doesn't feel right
anymore?”
 
Mika had wondered that himself. He’d known Yuu as a friend and then a sibling
for so fucking long, that being romantically, and sexually involved with him,
may seem so odd and foreign. But fuck, he had wanted him in that way for so
long as well, that he couldn't help himself. He had to see what would happen.
He had to see where it would lead and if the attraction really was as strong as
his love for him. Yesterday had been...altering. It had changed the dynamic of
their relationship inexplicitly. And even though it had freaked him out, the
desire for Yuu hadn't ebbed. If anything, it had burned hotter.
 
“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.” Mika finally said. “But I have to
try. I’ve lost hope that he’d ever feel anything for me other than brotherly
love. But he fucking wantsme, Krul. He wants me the same way I want him, and I
have to explore it. I’ve waited nearly my whole life for him. I won't turn away
this chance to know him the way I’ve always wanted, just because I’m afraid.”
 
Krul dropped her hands from his face. “Alright.” She sighed. “That’s your
choice, Mika. And it’s your life.”
 
Mika took a deep, relieved breath and nodded. “That being said, I need you out
of the for the night.”
 
Krul narrowed her eyes. “Oh, so now you’re kicking me out?”
 
Mika smiled. “No, but I’d rather speak to him in a neutral setting that isn’tmy
bedroom. And I know you, Lacus and Renee will be the nosey people you are and
try to get all of the juicy details.”
 
Krul rolled her eyes, but she didn't deny it. “And where the hell do you expect
me to go?”
 
Mika reached into his back pocket for his wallet and pulled out his credit
card. “Go stay in a nice hotel for night. My treat.”
 
Krul’s eyes lit up and she plucked the card from his hand. “Well then, don't
mind if I do! It’s about time you repaid me for your months of freeloading when
you first moved in.”
 
Mika chuckled and she stood on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Call me if you need
something. What about Lacus and Renee? Not to mention Crowley?”
 
“Crowley is at Ferid’s tonight.” Mika said. “And I already spoke to Lacus and
Renee. Unlike you, I didn't need to bribe them with a free hotel stay to give
us some privacy.”
 
Krul placed her hands on her slim hips. “It’s not bribery when you oweme!” She
countered playfully. She’d never asked Mika for a dime during those dark months
when he was trying to get his life together. And Mika was more than happy to
give her whatever she wanted if she’d only ask. Though she never did.
 
“Feel free to order room service too.” He said. And she beamed at him.
 
“Oh, you are sogoing to regret giving me your credit card.” Krul swept past him
to head to the stairs. “Mika,” she said before she reached the landing, turning
serious once more. “please, be careful.”
 
Mika gave her a smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. “Get lost, will you?
I’ll be fine. Don't worry.”
 
With a quirk of her lips, she trotted up the stairs, likely to pack for her
hotel stay.
 
*
 
Mika went to take a shower once Krul left. It was almost 5:30 and his
apprehension was building along with his nerves. What if he changes his mind?
What if he decides he doesn't want me anymore? What if he decides he wants more
than I can offer right now?
 
Tilting his head back and letting the hot water cleanse the shampoo from his
hair, he tried to clear his mind. He scrubbed his body, and was washing himself
especially thoroughly before he realized what he was doing, then he paused.
What am I expecting to happen tonight? He couldn't be sure. And he couldn't be
sure what Yuu wanted from him. If he wanted sex or not, or expected it. Am I
expecting it? He felt pensive. He couldn't even be sure he’d be able to go
through with it. Yes, they’d known one another for years, but they’d only known
one another at this new stage in their life for such a short time, that he
wasn't sure if he was ready for all of that. Yet, here I am, preparing myself
for it…
 
Sighing in resignation, he finished up and shut off the shower.
 
It was 10 minutes after 6 when Mika began pacing the length of the living room.
He’d dried his hair and styled it with his bangs pushed back and letting the
long strands hang loose around his jawline. He’d also shaved his 5 o’clock
stubble, brushed his teeth, spritzed cologne and dressed in a pair of his nicer
jeans that only had a couple of holes in them and a soft v-neck white sweater.
 
And now, that Yuu was late, he felt foolish. He’d spruced up for him, wanting
to appear sophisticated, maybe, or at least confident, even though now he was
chewing his thumbnail down to the nub and sweating with anxiety. Is he not
coming?
 
A minute or two after the thought struck, there was a knock at the door. Mika’s
heart picked up it’s pace and he felt as it he’d choke on the lump in his
throat. After a few steadying breaths, he went to answer.
 
*
 
Trying to keep busy all day was challenging, to say the least. But he used his
time wisely and got in contact with a realtor to show him places he could rent
that was around Mika’s home.
 
He went from apartment to apartment and house to house with the thought of Mika
and whether he would like each place in his mind.
 
He wasn't stupid, by any means. He knew he had some big decisions to make if
Mika decided to accept him and try out a relationship with him. But he wanted
to be prepared, just in case.
 
Did he think Mika would just jump all in and move in with him right away? No.
But he had hope. One thing he had always stubbornly held onto, was hope.
 
After the showings, and Yuu had narrowed down the search between two houses in
his price range, he made a few calls about the property which used to belong to
Guren and had put up for sale. He had enough money to keep himself supported
for a while, considering he’d barely spent a dime of the money he’d saved up
during his time in the military, but he didn't want to waste it all on rent.
And to keep his bank accounts full, he needed a job.
 
After searching through the classifieds and running around town to scope out
his potential new home, time seemed to had flown by and before he knew it, it
was nearly time to meet with Mika.
 
He was running a little late by the time he made it back to Mika’s house, and
with his blood rushing with adrenaline of what was to come, he braced himself
and knocked at his door.
 
He tapped his foot nervously as he waited for a couple of minutes for Mika to
open the door. Right when he was starting to think that Mika had actually
bailed, the front door swung open and Mika stood in the doorway.
 
He looked immaculate, as usual, with his light jeans that looked soft and worn
but well kept, and a lightweight v-neck sweater that molded to the lean muscles
of his chest and arms.
 
Yuu felt a little grubby standing before him in his dark denim studded with
holes in various places and t-shirt and leather jacket.
 
He couldn't quite get over how stunning Mika was. His heart thudded a little
faster and his dick twitched just at the sight of him…
 
“Hey.” Mika said softly, his voice sounding a bit rough.
 
“Hey yourself.” Yuu’s mouth quirked in a smile when he noticed Mika was
blushing slightly. “Can I come in.”
 
With a nod, Mika stood to the side and allowed Yuu to cross the threshold.
Brushing past him, he caught a whiff of his scent. Clean and spiced like
sandalwood and fuckhe smelled amazing.
 
He hesitated as Mika led him into the living, a bit disappointed that they
weren't going back up to his room. “Um, Mika? You think we could talk somewhere
more...private?” He knew Mika had several roommates, and really didn't want
anybody eavesdropping on their personal conversations.
 
“The house is empty for the night.” Mika stated, almost casually, as he took a
seat on the large leather couch.
 
Well then...Yuu’s cock definitely took interest in that.
 
Calm the fuck down, Yuu! He thought to himself. That doesn't mean anything is
going to happen tonight.“Oh.” Yuu replied eloquently. He sat on the loveseat
facing the couch Mika was seated in the middle of, deciding that maybe giving
Mika some space will make this whole thing easier. Well, that and the fact that
sitting so close to him and being able to smell him will just continue to make
his cock harder. “So,” Yuu tried to begin, as nonchalantly as he could muster
“you wanted to talk?”
 
Mika narrowed his eyes. “Obviously, we need to talk about things, Yuu.”
 
Shit, I’m fucking this up already.Yuu removed his jacket and ran his fingers
through his messy coal-black hair. “I know.” Yuu amended. Fuck, he was so
nervous he didn't know how he should act at the moment. Maybe being honest
about his intentions was the best strategy. But it was so hard to be open when
Mika was so guarded, sitting on that couch, so far away it seemed, with him
arms crossed and eyes steely and assessing. His walls were securely back in
place.
 
To Yuu’s relief though, Mika began the conversation. “What happened yesterday
was…” Mika ran his own fingers through his hair, and Yuu recognized it as a
nervous gesture. Much like his own. “It was hard for me to...process.” Mika
leveled that steel blue gaze at him. “You have to understand, I’ve only known
you two ways; a friend, then a brother. This-” He gestured vaguely between the
two of them “whatever this is, is something I would have never expected.”
 
Yuu leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Listen to me Mika, this-”
he gestured between them in the same fashion Mika had, though with a bit more
frustration. “This thing between us has been a long time coming. I’ve wanted
you, for years. But we were too busy hiding it from each other to realize that
this thingran both ways.”
 
Mika huffed. “You don't understand, Yuu. After what Guren did to me…” Yuu
clenched his fists at the memory of what that man had done to his Mika.
“It’s...not going to be easy. Yuu-chan, I want this, but I don't even know what
this is.”
 
“It’s called a relationship.” Yuu stated bluntly. “You know? Dates, holding
hands, kissing? That kind of thing.”
 
Mika flushed. “I’ve never had one, Yuu. So I don't know how.”
 
“Wait, really?”
 
Mika nodded.
 
“But...you were having sex with-”
 
“Yeah.” Mika interrupted. “Sex. That was all it was about. You seriously think
I’d invest my time, not to mention my feelings, for somebody that wasn't you?”
 
Yuu’s breath hitched at the admission.
 
Mika was sitting the same way as Yuu was now, as he dropped his head into his
hands. “It was only sex. I never wanted more than that, because I couldn't give
anyone more. And I didn't want that with them. So, no. I haven't dated.”
 
Yuu’s lips parted, trying to process this all. When he did, he felt guilty. Yuu
had dated women. Yuu had fucked both women andmen. He’d never been in a serious
relationship, but yeah, he’d dated. Because that was the proper thing to do.
You go on a date, maybe more than one with the same person, then you sleep
together and hang out and things end. But one thing about Mika’s admission did
strike true with him as well. He’d never invested him emotions, or his heart,
in another person. Looking back, the entire ordeal was so emotionless that he
was surprised some of his relationships from the past had lasted as long as
they did.
 
“I haven't either…” Yuu admitted. When Mika fixed him with a strange look, he
amended “About the investment part. I’ve dated girls before, but never actually
felt...I don't know.” Yuu sighed. “I didn't invest my heart in them either,
Mika.” He met Mika’s gaze. “It belongs to you.So, it’s impossible for me to
give somebody something I don't even possess.”
 
Mika scrubbed a hand over his face and lips, before he stood abruptly. “Would
you like a drink?”
 
Yuu blinked at him, confused. “Huh?”
 
“A drink.” Mika said again. “Would you like one?”
 
“Uh...just water. Thanks.”
 
Mika raised an unimpressed brow. “Really?”
 
“Yeah.” Yuu said.  “I’d prefer to have a clear head for our...conversation.”
 
With a roll of his eyes, Mika headed to the kitchen. A few minutes after
hearing ice clinking in glasses, Mika returned with two drinks in his hands. He
leaned forward, slowly, and so close that their lips were almost touching.
 
“Here you go.” Mika’s breath ghosted over Yuu’s lips, making his skin tingle
and dick twitch with excitement, before Mika placed the glass of water on the
table beside the couch, then he began to move away.
 
Yuu grabbed his arm. When Mika looked back down at him, his blue eyes was dark
and heated. Yuu licked his lips.
 
“Let go of my arm, Yuu-chan.”
 
Yuu quirked a brow. “Why?”
 
“Because we need to talk.”
 
“You can't talk while I’m touching you?”
 
Mika narrowed his eyes at him, before saying “No.”
 
With a sigh, Yuu released his arm and Mika moved to go sit on the far corner of
the loveseat opposite him, staring Yuu down over his class as he took a sip of
his own drink.
 
Yuu rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward a little. “So, what did
you want to talk about.”
 
Mika rested his drink on the coffee table. “You don't think we should talk
about what happened last night?”
 
“I think a lot of things regarding last night.” Yuu said, his voice low and
rough and he couldn't help the smirk that formed on his lips when Mika’s face
flushed and scowled in irritation. Yuu was quickly learning that a flustered,
frustrated Mika was becoming one of his biggest turn ons.
 
“Yuu.” Mika said, his tone holding a hint of warning in it. “This is serious.”
 
Yuu decided to give Mika a break. “ Fine. About last night? I loved every
moment of it. I loved the way you felt under me and want more of it. I want
you.I’m not sure how much clearer a picture I can paint for you.”
 
“That’s the problem.” Mika leaned forward on the couch as well, mirroring the
way Yuu was sitting. “You say all of this now, because it’s new and, yeah, not
a little bit taboo. But what happens when the novelty wears off? What happens
when you get bored, or realize that being with me in the way you’re fantasizing
about isn't what you expected? You don't know that side of me, Yuu-chan. And
what if you realize you don't like it, and leave? You want me to change
everything I’ve ever believed, to take a chance on this. If it doesn't work
out-”
 
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Yuu interrupted. He was getting pissed
now. “You think I’d do something like that to you?!”
 
“You left before!” Mika defended. “You left and I was all alone, and it fucked
me up so badly that I wanted to fucking kill myself! You think I’d just forget
something like that and dive right into this? After you know everything that
happened?”
 
“If you would have been open and honest with me, instead of pushing me away for
years, I wouldn't have left! I would have stayed and protected you from Guren,
and you know that! I know what happened was shit, and me leaving was a shitty
thing to do. Even after you shut me out, I still wanted you. That’s why I came
back for you!”
 
“But you were too late…” Mika said softly.
 
Yuu ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “Yeah, I was. And I won't ever
leave you again, Mika.”
 
“You don't know that-”
 
“Yes I do!” Yuu snapped. “You think I’m just gonna get bored and call it quits?
You think I’m that fucking shitty?!”
 
“I don't want you to feel obligated to stay with me because you feel guilty!”
 
Yuu blinked at him for several long moments, incredulously. “You think I want
to me with you out of guilt? You think I came in my underwear like a cherry
boy, so hard that I felt it the next day, because of guilt?!”
 
Mika bit his lip, and his fucking blushing, along with the memory of what
they’d done last night, had blood racing to his cock. His stood and stalked
over to him until he was looming over Mika, who was pressing his back into the
couch in a futile attempt to gain some distance. Mika held all of the cards,
and Yuu knew it. It was up to Mika where this night ended. And Yuu knew exactly
where he wantedto end up. He knew Mika wanted it too, and he was so sick of his
insecurity and fear, as well as his lack of faith in Yuu’s motives.
 
“I’m not a fucking douchebag, Mika. Despite what you may think of me in that
disillusioned brain of yours, I want you. Only you.” He gripped Mika’s chin,
forcing him to look into his eyes when the blonde attempted to turn his face
away. “Being with you will change everything for me, Mika. I’m not out to my
friends, or any of the people we mutually know. I’ve never dated a man, because
they weren’t you.I’m willing to change my entire life, and show everybody just
how much you mean to me, if it means I get to keep you. Do you understand me?”
 
Mika’s breathing was becoming labored as they held their eye contact.
 
“Answer me Mika, for once, be fucking honest with me. Because I’m laying it all
out on the table for you. Do you want this with me?”
 
Mika licked his full bottom lip, and Yuu focused in on it. Wanted to taste
those pink, spit shined lips. But he wouldn't cross that boundary. Not until he
had the answer he wanted.
 
Finally, Mika let out a shaky breath and whispered “Yes…”
 
Yuu released the breath he hadn't known he was holding. He wanted to cry he was
so relieved, and that relief flooded through him as he finally closed the
distance between their mouths, and took his lips with his own.
Chapter End Notes
     Phew...I didn't know how to write their conversation but I hope it
     was satisfying!
     They're both so fucking pigheaded and stubborn in canon that I had to
     translate it to this fic.
     Anyway...so...Mika finally gave in! Who wants to guess what will
     happen next? hehehe...
     Will they go all the way? Will Mika lose his still technical v-card?
     Idk! Guess we will wait and see next chapter.
      
     Hope you all enjoyed! And (for the millionth time, I know), thank you
     to all my wonderful commenters and kudos folk who keep inspiring me
     to keep this going! <333
     ALSO, I wanted to add, this chapter reflects on an outreach program
     for kids living in abusive households. It's important to me, having
     grown up with a father who liked to use his fists instead of his
     words to make his point, and I felt helpless and had nobody to turn
     to.
     So, if u suspect someone of being in a situation like that, do not
     stay silent! There are many child abuse prevention centers dedicated
     to helping kids get out of hostile living environments. 80% of kids
     who grow up abused and/or neglected will either commit suicide or
     become dangerous felons. Check your local listing for these abuse
     prevention centers if you suspect or witness anything. You could be
     saving a life.
     Ok, that's all for now! Love you guys!
***** Chapter 19 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Mika could feel every pulse in his engorged cock as Yuu’s tongue teased and
tormented his mouth. As he listened to the satisfied noises and hums Yuu was
making in chorus with his own, all he wanted was to ease the ache between his
legs. If that meant letting Yuu fuck him, then maybe that’s what needed to
happen.  Am I really ready for that?
Before Mika’s apprehension could make him back out, Yuu palmed his chest and
pushed him back into the corner of the couch. When his back met the softness of
the leather couch, a strong thigh slid between his legs, and Mika groaned from
the relief of finally having something solid to press against.
“That's it, Mika…” Yuu encouraged, placing a hand on the back of the couch and
the other on the armrest beneath Mika’s head. Using them as an anchor, Yuu
rolled his hips downward, proving just how needy he was for him.
Mika’s head was resting against the couch as Yuu looked down between them where
he was thrusting his hips, over and over, creating a heated friction that had
Mika’s mind spinning, just like the night before.
The sexual hunger on Yuu’s face as he watched their clothed bodies connecting,
made Mika wonder just how combustible things would be, once their clothes
finally came off.
Feeling the need to touch now more than ever, like he’d never been able to
before and had wanted to for fucking  years , Mika gripped Yuu’s hips and
pulled him down against him with much more force than he’d intended. The
delicious pressure of having Yuu’s shaft grind against his own again was too
much to resist. Mika arched up, anxiously meeting the steady rub Yuu was giving
with every thrust of his hips.
“Fuck…” Yuu muttered.
Mika’s fingers dug harder into his hips, and his right hand slid down to Yuu’s
ass as he propelled himself up again, trying to reach for something... more.
Yuu met his eyes. “Christ…you’re so fucking gorgeous.” Yuu was pretty sure he
would be happy with dry humping Mika all night, but that was not how he wanted
this to end. Slowing his hips down, Yuu moved away and quickly pulled his shirt
over his head. Naked from the waist up with one leg supporting him on the
floor, and his other kneeling between Mika’s thighs, he heard a sound of
appreciation from Mika as the blonde looked him over.
Yuu was proud of his body, and others had appreciated his strong, defined
muscles as well. But when Yuu went to laugh, it came out more as a cough when
he looked to where Mika surprised him by pressing his hand between his thighs
to palm his own erection.
“Feeling good there?” Yuu questioned.
Mika’s response of a mumbled “fuck yes” made Yuu’s desire for him even
stronger.
Lowering his gaze to the uncomfortably tight looking jeans, Yuu fingered the
button. “Yes?”
With an arch of his pelvis, Mika replied on a rush of air. “Yes.”
Quick fingers went into action as Yuu undid the button and unzipped Mika’s
jeans. Spreading them apart, Yuu raised his eyes to where Mika was watching him
intently. “Lift.” No hesitation was shown as Mika lifted his hips and Yuu
pulled the denim down to his upper thighs, revealing tight, black boxers
briefs. Silkier in texture than the ones Mika had worn last night. Unlike the
other ones, he’d worn these with purpose.  For me to see them.  And the thought
of that made Yuu even harder.
Visible beneath the underwear was the obvious proof of Mika’s excitement. His
long, thick shaft was distinctly outlined in the fabric, and the sight made
Yuu’s confined cock jealous.
Slipping his fingers beneath the waistband, Yuu tugged the material down Mika’s
hips. “God…” Yuu breathed. “Look at you…you’re  killing  me.” Yuu swore when he
was finally staring at the cropped, blonde curls surrounding Mika’s flushed and
straining erection.
Yuu wet his hand by spitting in it a couple of times before fisting Mika’s
steely length, mesmerized but what he was  finally  seeing, touching a
squeezing. Satisfied at the blonde’s gasping response, Yuu began to give his
cock long, firm pulls. Glancing up to where Mika was sprawled at the couch, he
saw that he had tipped his head back and shut his eyes. Not wanting Mika to
forget  who  he was doing this with, Yuu leaned over and ran his tongue right
across his adam's apple.
Mika grunted and lifted his head to look at him before he shifted his hips up
so his cock was thrust into the tight first of Yuu’s hand around him.
Yuu reached up to grip the back on Mika’s head to pull him down until their
lips crushed together in a searing kiss and forcefully pushing his tongue into
Mika’s mouth.
I’m burning up!  Was all Mika could think as the firm hand continued expertly
working him closer to the edge. Yuu’s mouth was eating at his like a starving
man and Mika was finding it difficult to slow his body down. He didn't want to
cum yet, he wanted something else. Something... more.  He bit Yuu’s bottom lip,
gaining his attention.
Instantly, Yuu stopped and lifted his head and smiled down at him like a
fucking deviant. “Want something, Mika?”
Mika had to bite his own lip to keep from whining as Yuu’s grip on his shaft
loosened. Mika nudged his hips up again, but Yuu stilled his hand completely.
“Tell me, Mika. Do you want something?”
“I...I don't know-” Mika panted.
“Yes you do.” Was Yuu’s response. “Tell me, and I’ll give it to you. Whatever
you want, Mika.. I want to hear you say it.”
Mika’s mind went into overdrive, spinning out of control with all of the
scenarios bombarding his thoughts. One thought stood out in particular, and his
shaft pulsed at the notion.
Noticing, Yuu grinned at him. “Something got you excited. I swear, you just got
even  harder.  Whats going on in that head of yours?”
Mika couldn't help the blush that heated his face, and he had to look away.
But Yuu was having none of that. With his free hand, Yuu pinched Mika’s chin,
forcing him to look at him again and leaned in once more to slowly, sensuously
give a lick to the blonde’s full, bottom lip. “I asked you a question.” Yuu
nipped at the spit-shiny lip beneath his own. “I need an answer.” He pulled
back slightly to meet his eyes. WIth a sly grin, Yuu asked “Do you want me to
suck your cock?”
“Oh god-” Mika gasped, gripping the armrest beneath him like an anchor in an
attempt to ground himself. He was going to spontaneously cum if Yuu kept
talking to him this way.
“Answer me.” Yuu ground out.
“Y-yes!” Mika rushed out on a breath.  Anything to shut him up!
And with that, Yuu lowered himself down Mika’s body, and took him into his
mouth, to the root, in one gulp down his throat.
“Fuuuuck!” Mika’s hand flew to Yuu’s hair as he cried out, the hot mouth
surrounding his cock felt un-fucking real, he was helpless not to buck up into
that wet heat.
Yuu coughed slightly and pulled back to take a few breaths through his nose,
but never removed his lips from around Mika’s length as he began to bob up at
down, sucking and swirling his tongue around the head on each upward stroke,
tonguing at the slit to taste the salty precum leaking there.
“Yuu-” Mika panted as his spine curved, hunching over and trying to tug Yuu off
of him. “G-gonna, gonna-”
Yuu hummed and gripped the base of his cock with one hand and cupped Mika’s
balls with the other, rolling them in his fingers and pumping his hand in time
with his mouth, taking him even  deeper  as he sucked like he was hungry for
Mika’s load.
The vibrations from Yuu’s humming sent Mika over the edge, and his orgasm
ripped through him with so much force that he yelled hoarsely and spasmed as he
shot the white, hot heat of his pleasure down Yuu’s throat.
Mika collapsed back, sucking in breaths of air and squirming as Yuu continued
softly sucking and licking up every last drop from his spent cock.
When Yuu finally pulled off of him, licking his lips like he’d just devoured
the best treat ever, Mika threw an arm over his eyes, unable to handle the
sight. Tears stung his eyes as embarrassment flooded through him.
“Mika…” Yuu breathed, sitting back on his knees between Mika’s sprawled thighs.
When Mika only shook his head in response and kept hiding his face, Yuu began
to rub small circles with his thumbs over Mika’s knees in an attempt to placate
him. Even though Yuu’s own dick was twitching with the need for his own
release, calming Mika down was more important at the moment. “Mika? Baby,
what’s wrong?”
Mika nearly squeaked at the soft way Yuu had just called him  baby.  And holy
shit, he was getting hard again just from being called that by Yuu. “Oh my
god…”
“You okay?”
Mika shook his head again. “I can't believe you just did that...holy shit, Yuu-
chan…” He peeked down at him from beneath his elbow. “I’m sorry, I came too
fast. Please, just let me die from humiliation in peace.” He wanted to
disappear into the couch cushions.  Never  had he shot off so quickly!  Fuck,
Yuu must think I’m so fucking lame!
Mika scowled when Yuu began chuckling.
“I’m sorry,” Yuu huffed out with his laughter. “You’re just so cute right now.
Do have any idea how hot that was, not the mention how fucking flattered I am,
that I can make you cum that quickly?”
Mika groaned. “Can we please stop talking about it?” He felt Yuu move away from
him, and he wanted to kick himself for being so stupid. But when Yuu began
trying to move his arm away, Mika finally acquiesced.
Before Mika could protest, Yuu’s mouth was on his own, tentatively swiping at
his top lip.  Holyfuckingshit… He gripped Yuu’s hair and forced his tongue past
Yuu’s parted lips. Tasting his own release in the other man’s mouth as they
swiped their tongues together was the hottest fucking thing he’d ever
experienced. And there was something about it, something that made this whole
new thing happening between them seem so  real,  that something within Mika
switched. He couldn't place the exact moment it happened, but he was able to
recognize that this felt so fucking  right,  despite how wrong he’d grown up
believing this was.
“Jesus,  Mika.” Yuu breathed against his lips as he cupped Mika’s face. “What
are you doing to me?”
“I could ask you the same.” Mika murmured back.
Yuu lowered his head to bite into Mika’s jaw. “I want you... god , I’ve wanted
you like this for so long.” He muttered into Mika’s ear. “You’re so damn
beautiful, I can hardly stand it. Especially when you cum. Mnn...” He moaned,
making Mika shudder.
He knew he had something to say, something important that they needed to talk
about. But with Yuu kneading the still naked flesh of Mika’s hips as he nibbled
his neck and earlobe, the only thing he could focus on was the pleasure
coursing through his body. When Yuu’s words registered, finally, his breathing
quickened with the realization of what Yuu wanted. And of what Mika wanted to
give to him - what he’d always wanted to give to him. And Mika felt selfish and
lazy for not reciprocating the pleasure.
“Want you too…” Mika whispered, licking the shell of Yuu’s air. “Always wanted
you. Want you to fuck me-”
Yuu pulled back to look at him again, breaths coming as quickly as Mika’s with
their racing pulses. “Are you sure?”
“Yes!” Mika tried to pull Yuu back in for another kiss, but Yuu stopped him.
Mika felt that fucking  embarrassed feeling creep in on him again and he
lowered his eyes.
Yuu cupped his face. “Don't do that.” He said.
Mika blinked at him.
“Shut your damned brain off for a minute, will you? You’re too inside your own
head. You can tell me anything, Mika. Don't be self-conscious and think I’m
going to judge you. Hearing you say that to me…” Yuu licked his lips, eyes
becoming even more hooded and pupils wider. “It’s better than my fantasies.”
Yuu smiled and kissed him softly, sweetly and so fucking tenderly that Mika’s
chest tightened. Then Yuu pulled away again. “I just want to make sure you know
what you’re doing. I’ll wait as long as I have to. I don't want you to feel
pressured if you’re not ready.”
Mika bit his own lip.  Why does he have to be so fucking amazing right now?!
“I want to.” Mika said, and he held the eye contact, despite it being hard to
do with the blazing green piercing his very soul. But he wanted Yuu to see how
much he meant his words, to get his point accross. If he was really going to do
this, then he was going to go all the way.
Yuu knew that Mika had meant it. He wanted this as much as he did. Maybe even a
little more, and he saw it in his eyes. But he didn't want this to be about a
quick fuck session. Being with Mika in this way, after them secretly tiptoeing
around one another since puberty, meant so much more to him than anything in
the world.
“Not here.” Yuu said, placing another rough kiss against Mika’s mouth. “Invite
me into your bed, Mika.”
Mika groaned and tucked himself back into his jeans, then nipped at Yuu’s lip
before he said “come with me...” He stood, helping Yuu to his feet then led him
to the staircase leading up to his bedroom.
Chapter End Notes
     More is yet to cum :0 (hehe..see what I did there?)
     I've been working on my smut writing, but still not sure if it's any
     good. It's getting easier to write with practice though. So let me
     know what you think!
     And help me reach 20k views by sharing this if you enjoyed it! :3
***** Chapter 20 *****
Chapter Summary
     Here's the chapter a lot of you have been waiting for ;)
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Mika’s skin buzzed with awareness as he led Yuu to his bedroom. Even though
he’d been in his room before, this was different. He was bringing him into his
space and inviting him into his bed and he could barely fucking believe what
was about to happen.
 
Yuu waited at the threshold of Mika’s bedroom as the blonde entered the space
and went to stand by his bed. Yuu could only stare, fascinated, entranced by
Mika’s beauty and the way his golden hair was illuminated by the soft light of
the lamp, making Mika’s pale skin seem to glow and his blue eyes glitter.
 
Mika removed his sweater, tossing it to the ground without much care and too
afraid to look at Yuu. But he could feel those green eyes on him, watching his
every move. Mika’s hands shook as he unbuttoned his pants and slid them down
his long legs.
 
Once he was clad in only the underwear, he turned to Yuu, lifting a brow at
him. “What’s wrong?” He asked when he noticed Yuu hadn't into moved all the way
into his room and remained standing in the doorway.
 
Yuu’s eyes roamed over his body. “Nothing’s wrong.” Yuu said, his voice a bit
breathy. “Just...admiring.”
 
Mika flushed from his chest to his face. Before he could lose his nerve, he
hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his underwear to remove them as well.
 
“Wait.” Yuu said as he finally moved into the room and shut the door behind
him.
 
Mika froze instantly before he could get the rest of his clothing off, awaiting
Yuu and nervous about what he wanted, or if he was going to back out.
 
Yuu moved up to him, removing his pants so they both stood in only their
underwear. “Finish undressing me?” Yuu asked.
 
Mika searched his face. Yuu smirked a little, in that arrogant way he always
had, but there was an underlying insecurity in his demeanor as well.  He’s
nervous too.  Mika realised, which helped him feel like he wasn't alone in this
hurricane of pent up need and desire.
 
With trembling fingers, Mika fingered the waistband and slid them down Yuu’s
legs. Yuu’s cock sprang from it’s confines, making Mika’s eyes widen and his
asshole clench.  That’s going to be inside of me.  Mika knew it, without a
doubt. He couldn't deny this anymore, couldn't deny  them.  This was happening,
and Mika was suddenly terrified.
 
Sensing Mika’s trepidation, he said “Lay on your stomach, face in your pillow.”
Yuu’s tone was commanding, and Mika followed the order with his heart pounding
as he stretched out on his bed. He kept his legs apart, arching his back a
little to show off his tight, firm ass in his tight underwear and flexing his
slim muscles.
 
Yuu let out a groan. “Fuck...Mika, you have no idea what you do to me, do
you?…”
 
It wasn't a question, but Mika answered anyway while glancing over his
shoulder. “And what's that?” Mika could have sworn he heard a growl as Yuu
climbed onto the bed with him and situated himself between Mika’s spread legs.
He grabbed both of Mika’s ass cheeks roughly and it made Mika squeak and try to
move away.
 
 
 
“Don't you dare.” Yuu warned. “Don't run away now. This is mine, Mika. Do you
understand me?”
 
Mika shivered. He’d never seen this side of Yuu before. This possessive side.
This dominating side. And it made him hard, instantly.
 
Yuu palmed Mika’s ass, hard enough to bruise, when he didn't answer. Mika
wasn't sure if Yuu’s question even warranted one at first, but apparently, he
wanted it.
 
“Yes-” Mika gasped.
 
Yuu slid his bare dick between the crevice of Mika’s ass through his boxers,
and he groaned before asking “Yes what?”
 
“Y-yours…”
 
Yuu rutted against him again, grasping the waistband of Mika’s underwear and
swiftly pulling them down to his thighs. “Jesus…” Yuu rasped, spreading Mika’s
asscheeks apart and sliding his cock against his pink hole. “You’re so
beautiful…”
 
Mika gulped and tried to move away again, suddenly feeling very shy with Yuu;
his friend turned brother turned... lover?... looking at his most intimate
parts.
 
Yuu was having none of it though, and snatched his hips to yank Mika’s ass
against his dick again.
 
The slide of Yuu’s cock against his hole, moistened by Yuu’s copious precum,
was phenomenal, yet so foreign and strange considering who it was coming from
that Mika couldn't relax and just let it happen like he’d always done before.
This was different. This wasn't about fucking, this meant so much more. And it
scared him.
 
“Stop it.” Yuu hissed.
 
When Mika tried to look back at him again, Yuu decided to flip Mika onto his
back. His strength surprised him. True, Yuu had amassed a lot of bulk since
they were teens, and far gone were the days where Mika could kick his ass if he
got mouthy, but Yuu’s effortless strength caught him off guard. Yuu could hurt
him. Yet, being man-handled only made his desire for him amplify.
 
And as he glanced down, taking in the sight of Yuu’s cock, for the first time
in close to a decade, Mika became nervous all over again. Yuu wasn't small, by
any means. His cock was thick, veined and thicker than his own yet not quite as
long, with the crown, fat and dripping and straining from the dark, trim pubic
hair as it angled towards him. His balls weren't huge, but they looked heavy,
and Mika wondered idly if they hurt considering how hard Yuu was, mixed with
the fact that he hadn't cum yet.
 
Mika wanted to touch, but was still wracked with the notion that touching him
was bad. He couldn't help it. He felt terrible, like he was being a selfish
lover and only good for receiving, but he still clenched his fists in the
sheets, turning his head away and squeezing his eyes shut as the words  wrong
and  sick  and  brother  ran through his mind.
 
Then Yuu was pinching his chin, turning his face back towards him, kissing him,
devouring his mouth and rutting against him, rubbing their cocks against one
another and creating a delicious friction that had Mika arching into it for
more.
 
“Feel me.” Yuu rasped against his mouth. “Get out of that fucking head of
yours, and  feel  me.” Yuu gripped Mika’s hair, so hard that Mika winced, as he
was forced to meet his eyes.
 
And he liked it. He wanted Yuu to pull harder. He wanted him to hurt him, wreck
him,  destroy  him. Maybe, only then, would he be able to be pieced back
together correctly.
 
“I’m going to claim you now.” Yuu said. “Understand? Forget everything else.
This is you and me. And you belong to me.”
 
Mika shivered at Yuu’s gravely words, spoken in reverence as he gazed into
Mika’s very soul. He felt so exposed, so naked. Not the lack of clothes kind of
naked; the kind of naked that left him feeling raw and vulnerable and
completely at Yuu’s mercy. And he wanted no mercy. Mika wanted this boy-this
man-more than he’d ever had before, as Yuu deliberately rocked his hips in that
torturous glide that slicked their bodies with sweat and their dicks with
precum.
 
“Yuu-chan…” Mika whispered. “Please-”
 
Mika was cut off when Yuu flipped him over onto his stomach again. This time,
Mika didn't protest. But as he felt his cheeks being spread apart again and
something hot, firm and wet dancing around his hole, Mika gasped and nearly
climbed the damn wall.
 
Yuu held him in place, palming his ass when he tried to wriggle away. “Don't
you dare move.” He warned. “I’ve wanted to do this for years, Mika. So shut up
and take it.”
 
Mika blanched and squealed as Yuu dove in between his cheeks again to lap at
his hole. Nobody had ever rimmed him before, and he never, ever, would have
thought his first rimjob would have come from Yuu. Yet, here they were. And
Mika was being so shy about this that he couldn't relax like you wanted him to
do and just feel and enjoy it.
 
He was beginning to panic. Yuu shouldn't be doing this!  They  should be doing
this, it was wrong and bad and they should just stop before it got any--
 
“Ah!” Mika yelped as a slap stung his right buttcheek. Yuu had hit him on the
ass, hard. What the fuck?Mika looked back at him, eyes watering from the sting
of the spank. It had hurt. Yuu’s hands were like steel...and he realised he
wanted another, because from that single, painful and agonizing strike to his
backside, it had centered him. The panic had ebbed.
 
Mika arched up, deploring Yuu to give him another, and Yuu quirked that
irritating, sexy, arrogant smirk of his lips at him again.
 
“My Mika’s a little kinky, hmm?”
 
Mika shoved his burning red face into to the pillow. “Oh my god…” He groaned in
embarrassment.
 
Yuu draped himself over Mika’s back to whisper in his ear “Condoms? Lube?”
 
Mika ground his fully erect dick into the mattress, yet still hid his face as
he pointed to his nightstand. He felt Yuu move away for a moment and heard his
drawer open and close. Before he could begin to miss to heat of Yuu on him, he
was plastered to his back again.
 
“I’ve wanted this, Mika. My whole life, I’ve wanted to be inside of you…”
 
Mika’s breathing became ragged as he felt Yuu’s thick, dexterous fingers enter
his body. First, just one, which he swirled and probed, before suddenly adding
a second without warning.
 
Mika whined from the sudden stretch. It wasn't gentle. Which for some reason,
Mika thought suited Yuu. He wasn't a gentle person when it came to what he
wanted. Yuu took what he wanted, aggressively. And Mika suspected that taking
him was no exception.
 
“You’re so tight…” Yuu ground out.
 
Mika barely recognized Yuu’s lust addled voice. And fuck if it didn't get him
even harder.
 
Then Yuu’s fingers were gone, only to be temporarily occupied with the sound of
a foil packet tearing and Yuu sliding the condom over his length.
 
Mika allowed himself one last look at Yuu suiting himself up, before
instinctively getting on his knees and angling his hips up while supporting
himself on his elbows so his face wouldn't be squished into the mattress.
 
Mika was breathing in sharp, heavy huffs as Yuu aligned himself with his hole.
This is happening. This is really fucking happening! Oh my god what the fuck
are we doing?!
 
The blunt head of Yuu’s dick was just barely past Mika’s tight, furled rim of
muscle, before he stopped, and pulled away again.
 
Mika didn't know whether to feel relieved, or disappointed. Was Yuu backing
out?
 
Then he felt the strong fingers on his hips again as Yuu flipped him once more
to his back.
 
Mika blinked, opening his mouth to ask him ‘what the hell’, before Yuu’s mouth
descended on his own, kissing him silent.
 
“I want to watch you.” Yuu said, and Mika flushed even more. “I want to see you
when I take you, and I want you to see me.” Yuu lined himself up again, and
Mika squeezed his eyes shut. “Look at me!” Yuu ordered, and Mika’s eyes snapped
open, blue meeting green, penetrating his soul as Yuu began to penetrate his
body. “I want you to see exactly who’s fucking you.” Yuu grunted as he slid his
cock all the way up Mika’s tight channel. When he was fully seated, Yuu paused,
his arms shaking on either side of Mika’s head where he was propped up, eyes
becoming even more heavy lidded as he allowed Mika to adjust to the sudden
intrusion.
 
Mika winced and let out a hiss. It took everything Mika had not to claw at
Yuu’s back from the pain. Yuu had sheathed himself to fully, so suddenly and
intimately as they held eye contact, that he felt like every molecule would fly
away if he didn't hold on for purchase.
 
Yuu’s thick cock in him hurt. It had been a long time since Mika had been
fucked, but it hurt so good and Mika relished the burn and the ache because it
was Yuu doing this to him. Yuu inside of him. Yuu completely open and
vulnerable and staring into his eyes as he filled him up
so...very...completely. And Mika wanted to cry.
 
A single tear slid down Mika’s cheek, and he was ashamed of it. Because really?
Who the fuck cried during sex? This wasn't a stupid romance movie and he wasn't
a girl losing her virginity.
 
But...he couldn't hold it in. Yuu...his Yuu-chan...the only person he’d ever
loved, and the only person he thought he could never have, was claiming him so
wholly, so completely, that his wildest fantasies paled in comparison in that
moment when Yuu had joined their bodies together. And regretfully, Mika knew
this wouldn't last long.
 
Yuu leaned down, kissing at Mika’s cheek where the tear had left a salty
streak, then kissed his forehead, then his nose, and finally his lips. He
kissed him hungrily, parting his lips and coaxing Mika to part his own. When he
did, and allowed Yuu entry into his mouth, Yuu finally thrusted his hips.
 
Then he did it again. And again, making Mika gasp and cry out with each hard
thrust. Then Yuu paused, making Mika whimper.
 
“Mika…” Yuu whispered against his lips. “I can't help myself...I-I need to take
you…”
 
Mika already knew what he meant. Yuu wanted to fuck him hard. And Mika rolled
his hips to coax him to give it to him. “I want to feel it tomorrow.” Mika
whispered. “Make it hurt.” He could hardly believe what he was saying, but it
was the truth. He wanted to feel the twinge and ache for days after this. He
wanted to be reminded every time he took a step or sat down, just who caused
the delicious ache in his ass. He wanted to think of Yuu, and how thoroughly
he’d been claimed.
 
With that thought in mind, Mika reached down and clawed at Yuu’s firm ass,
spurring him to thrust. To give him what he needed.
 
“Oh fuck-” Yuu gasped and shuddered, but took the message and pushed Mika’s
knees up almost to his shoulders, further opening him up and began pumping his
hips. In and out, he slid and grasped onto Mika’s shoulders to get better
leverage and he pounded into his ass with more force than Mika could ever
remember experiencing.
 
And right then, Mika couldn't remember anyone before Yuuichiro.
 
“Yes, right there!” Mika cried as Yuu pegged his prostate over and over, giving
short, hard digs with his cock as their skin slapped obscenely among the chorus
of the groans and moans and heavy breathing.
 
The scent of sex filled the room, and Mika became awash in it, in the
sensations and pleasure and freedom of being taken that he thought he’d never
be the same again after this night.
 
And all the while, they were still looking into each other’s eyes. It was so
intense, and Mika wanted to look away so badly. It was too intimate. Sex wasn't
ever intimate...until now. Until Yuu...Until this moment.
 
This wasn't just fucking. This was making love. And the notion had Mika
grasping his own leaking dick to stave off his orgasm.
 
“Don't stop.” Yuu encouraged. “You’re so fucking beautiful when you cum-I want
to see it. Please, Mika.  Ohmyfuckinggod!”  Yuu keened, slowing his frantic
pace enough to give Mika some reprieve and to take his lips in a searing kiss
again. But never stopping his thrusts. It was like Yuu was a machine, he
couldn't stop. Every push and pull from Mika’s body was agonizing and glorious
and Yuu found himself having to think of very  unsexy  thing to keep himself
from spontaneously shooting before Mika was ready.
 
And Mika was close.  So  fucking close, that he hovered on the edge. The head
of Yuu’s cock seemed to be magnetized to Mika’s prostate, and with each stroke
it slid and caught against the gland so perfectly that Mika’s toes curled and
he angled his hips for more. It was too perfect, too much and not enough all at
once.
 
“I’m gonna cum-” Mika bit out, clawing at Yuu like he’d been aching to and
digging his heels into his back, forcing the man deeper into his body. And Yuu
assimilated, lowering his head to bite at Mika’s neck and shoulder as he fucked
harder into him, praying he could last long enough to make Mika cum before the
proverbial wire of his control snapped.
 
Then he felt the telltale clench of Mika’s ass as he tensed to orgasm, and
propped himself up again to watch as Mika came.
 
He writhed as Yuu grasped Mika’s pulsating dick as hot, white ropes of cum
slashed his stomach and chest, with some even reaching his neck. Yuu was
helpless not to taste, and he bent to lick the milky-white droplets from Mika’s
collarbone.
 
And that sent him over the edge. But he wasn't about to left Mika drift off
into nowhere-post orgasm land. No. He wanted Mika’s full attention.
 
He gripped Mika’s hair again, his glassy blue eyes fluttering open, so
beautiful with his blown pupils framed by golden lashes. “You’re mine.” Yuu
panted with another deep thrust. “Only mine!” He gave another hard shove. “I
love you, Mika.” And with those words, mingled with the silky, tight vice of
Mika’s sheath, Yuu came with a shout, spilling into the condom and pulsating
with every heartbeat within Mika’s stretched and swollen hole and grinding
deeply into his to milk out every last ounce of his pleasure.
 
 
 
Coming down from their post orgasm high was like trying to pull themselves from
an abyss. Their bodies felt heavy and languid and so very sated. They lay there
for a while, trying to catch their breaths as they clung to one another for
dear life, like if they let go, the other would float away.
 
“My god…” Yuu was the first to speak. “I never thought it could be like this…”
 
Mika could only hum in response, still too immersed in his own bliss to form a
coherent sentence.
 
They remained joined until Yuu’s dick had softened enough that it slid out of
Mika, and Yuu held the base of the condom as he rolled off of him and off of
the bed.
 
Mika was dozing off when Yuu returned from the bathroom with a wet washcloth in
hand to clean him up. The coolness from it made Mika’s skin tingle and he
sighed. He’d thought he would start to panic from what they’d just done, even
anticipated it. But when it never came, and he felt the mattress dip as Yuu
climbed in and lay him, Mika rolled to his side to allow Yuu to spoon him as
they drifted off to sleep together.
 
 
*
Yuu woke to the sounds of thrashing and the covers being torn from him.
Instinctively, Yuu shot upright to see what was wrong, but the room was
completely dark. At the sounds of gasping and shouts of “no” and “stop”, Yuu
leaned over to switch on the lamp.
 
“Mika.” Yuu said, trying to shake the other man awake. “Mika, wake up. You’re
having a nightmare!” But Mika’s thrashing only got worse, like he was trying to
fight off some invisible force. “Mika!” Yuu shook him harder, which earned him
an elbow to the face. “Ow!” Yuu shouted, holding his mouth where the elbow had
struck him. He tasted blood, and Yuu knew that his lip had been split. He
cursed, but ignored the pain as he grabbed onto Mika’s wrists, pinning them to
the mattress so he wouldn't get hit again.
 
Mika’s strength surprised Yuu as he writhed and bucked under him. Whatever, or
whoever Mika was dreaming about was obviously terrifying to him. He was
drenched in sweat and his blonde hair stuck to his face. Yuu felt so helpless,
unable to comfort or rouse him from whatever horror he was reliving. Yuu had a
feeling he knew what he was afraid of though...
 
Using what he’d been taught from the military and how to subdue somebody, he
rolled them and maneuvered Mika until his back was against Yuu’s front, and
made his arms like steel bands across his torso and chest, locking Mika’s arms
across his chest and pinning Mika’s legs down with his strong calves.
 
“I got you.” Yuu whispered at Mika’s ear, rocking him gently as Yuu held him in
his arms. He was still very much aware that there were both naked and Mika was
practically sitting on his bare groin, and the wiggling wasn't helping his
cause either, but he remained an immovable comfort throughout the other’s
terror.
 
When he felt Mika’s body begin to relax, Yuu continued crooning at his ear as
he began to gain consciousness again.
 
Mika became fully awake with a gasp, and when awareness of how he was being
held and just who was holding him dawned on him, Mika choked on a sob and
slumped against Yuu’s solid chest. He wanted to hide himself, feeling entirely
too vulnerable in his current state and guilty for causing such a scene.
 
“Shit…” Mika sniffed. “I’m sorry.”
 
“Do they happen often?” Yuu asked as he relinquished his hold on him to give
Mika the option of moving away from him. He was a little disappointed when Mika
hurriedly took the opportunity to extract himself from Yuu’s lap and hop off
the bed to go pull on sweatpants. But he wasn't surprised by it. Mika’s shields
were back up again and he reflected it with the need to cover his body. Yuu
pulled the blanket up around his own waist, not wanting to make Mika more
uncomfortable than he already was.
 
After Mika smoothed a t-shirt over his slender frame, he just stood there,
looking down into the drawers of his dresser, seeming to be either deep in
thought, or just trying to gather together his sanity.
 
Finally, Mika spoke softly. “They’ve been getting worse. Ever since…” He
trailed off.
 
Yuu’s brows drew together. He wasn't liking the direction this was headed.
“Ever since…?” Yuu urged. “Since when?”
 
Mika sighed. “I guess since you showed up in my kitchen in the middle of the
night a few weeks ago.”
 
When Yuu didn't answer, Mika chanced a glance at him over his shoulder. Yuu
appeared a bit contrite over that statement, and he couldn't blame him for it.
Then he blinked in the low light at Yuu’s face as he came more into focus.
“Yuu-chan, you’re bleeding.”
 
Yuu dabbed at his mouth with his fingers and looked down at the blood. “Oh,
yeah. I accidently ran my face into your elbow.”
 
That got Mika to smile a little, but still, he felt terrible for hurting him.
He went to wet a washcloth in the bathroom and returned to him with it, lightly
wiping away the blood. “Does it hurt really bad?” Mika asked.
 
 
Yuu snorted. “I can hardly feel it.” Which wasn't exactly true; it throbbed and
his bottom lip felt as if it was swollen to the size of a grapefruit. But he
shrugged it off. “The only thing that sucks, is that I won't be able to kiss
you right now.”
 
“Why’s that?” Mika asked before thinking. The implication hadn't struck him
until now, but he was left wondering why Yuu would say that. And the
realization that Yuu could be carrying something bothered him deeply, and he
didn't want to know. “Nevermind, don't answer that.” Mika moved to get up and
go wash his hands, suddenly paranoid.
 
Yuu caught his wrist, pulling him back down. “Shit, Mika I didn't mean it like
that! For what it’s worth, I’m negative. I had to be tested once a month while
I was in the army, so it’s not like I have anything. I just...well yeah, I mean
you’d be grossed out if you kissed me and I got blood on you.”
 
Mika stared at Yuu’s mouth for a moment. His bottom lip looked pretty swollen
and red. Wasn't the nice thing to do when you hurt someone you loved was to
kiss it and make it better? So he did, catching Yuu off guard and surprising
himself by being so brazen. It was incredibly risky because Yuu could be lying
about being clean. But Mika trusted him.
 
He swiped his tongue out, lightly grazing the cut before ending the kiss with a
gentle peck and pulling away again. “It doesn't gross me out.” Mika said, then
got up to wash his hands and get Yuu some ointment so the cut couldn't get
infected.
 
Yuu blinked at the back of Mika’s head as he left for the bathroom again, a bit
shocked that Mika had actually just done that. And a bit turned on by it as
well.  Well damn…
 
 
 
Yuu applied the proffered ointment to his lip and put on a pair of track pants
Mika offered to lend to him. It was only a couple of hours until sunup, and Yuu
doubted either of them would succeed in getting back to sleep, but they lay in
bed together anyway, staring at one another in comfortable silence. It was like
how it was when they were kids, yet so different at the same time.
 
They’d crossed so many lines with one another, effectively blurring the ones
between friends and lovers, and Yuu’s heart swelled to the capacity that his
chest ached from it. He wanted to be this way with him forever. But he knew
better than to think that Mika wouldn't guard himself, especially after his
nightmare.
 
“What was it about?” Yuu asked softly, afraid to break the silence.
 
“Hmm?” Mika hummed, blinking his tired eyes open at him.
 
“Your nightmare…”
 
Mika’s eyes slid shut again, a pained expression crossing his features and Yuu
wanted to kick himself for being so stupid and bringing it up again.
 
Mika rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling.
 
Yuu didn't know why he was prying. He was going to fuck this up just when they
were getting started. “Sorry, you don't have to talk about it...But i’m here
for you, if you do.”
 
With a huff through his nose, Mika said “It’s usually always the same variation
of memories and my fears. Guren hurting me, sometimes he tries to kill me in
those dreams, and in the worst ones he succeeds. Sometimes-” Mika’s voice broke
and he breathed in a shaky breath. “Sometimes, you’re standing there, watching
Guren kill me, doing nothing about it…”
 
That made Yuu blanch. “Seriously?...” His heart rate sped up, because what had
Yuu done to make those kinds of thoughts enter his head?! Had Mika always felt
like he had just allowed that man to beat him?! “You know I’d never do that,
right? You  know  that.”
 
When Mika said nothing, Yuu turned and lay on his own back to glare at the
ceiling. He shouldn't be feeling so pissed off. Mika couldn't control what his
nightmares were about. But Yuu couldn't help but think that Mika subconsciously
believed that Yuu had stood idly by and allowed the abuse.  Didn't I though? It
was happening right under my nose and I was too fucking blinded to see it!
 
“It’s just a nightmare, Yuu-chan. It doesn't mean anything…” Mika said, trying
to placate him.
 
“Yes it does.” Yuu turned his head toward him. “I wish Guren was still alive.”
That got Mika to look at him again, brows drawn. “I wish he was still alive, so
I can kill him myself.”
 
The way Yuu had uttered those words, the seriousness in Yuu’s tone, made Mika’s
blood run cold, and looking into his eyes, which were usually so soulful and
kind, had taken on a blazing, murderous quality.
 
Yuu meant it. And he could do it too, Mika had no doubt.
Chapter End Notes
     I hope you all enjoyed!
     Lol and yes, I did have to add a little snippet and Mika taking Yuu's
     blood and Yuu liking it. Because it just wouldn't be a MikaYuu fic
     without it!
     And for those of you thinking that they're going to live happily ever
     after right after this, sorry. I still have more angst to offer. So
     prepare yourselves.
     Love you guys and thank you for reading!
End Notes
     Tumble Me ;) http://miss-otakuchan.tumblr.com/
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!