Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/12014325.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      None_-_Fandom
  Relationship:
      Logan/Addison_Logan/Amber_Harvard/Ivy
  Additional Tags:
      Sibling_Incest, Molestation, Night_Terrors, Abuse, Sexual_Abuse, Implied/
      Referenced_Rape/Non-con, Implied_Childhood_Sexual_Abuse, Alcohol_Abuse/
      Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced_Alcohol_Abuse/Alcoholism, Domestic
      Violence, Sexual_Violence, Other_Additional_Tags_to_Be_Added, pls_read,
      Forced_Relationship
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-09-06 Updated: 2017-11-04 Chapters: 24/? Words: 38850
****** The Heart Wants ******
by The_8th_Deadly_Sin
Summary
     Addison is your average kid. Son of the wealthiest man in the world
     and heir to an enormous fortune. Him, and his five siblings. Five
     siblings who love him dearly...maybe a little too much in the case of
     his oldest brother Logan, who doesn't know the difference between yes
     and no. If he wants it he'll get it. And no one and no thing will
     stand in his way...yeah...just an average kid.
***** Chapter 1 *****
"And who's this?" mom asked, leaning toward the tall busty blonde hanging on
Logan's arm like a baby lemur to its mother.
I sat at the top of the stairs, leaning against the rails. Unimpressed at
Logan's show ofidiocy and pride. He always had a new girlfriend around
Christmas and he always broke it off with them mid-June the next year for a
variety of reasons. Outside was his newly painted Lamborghini which he got
resprayed every July. He liked to show off and at this point it had become
rather routine.
I always avoided him at these parties anyway.
"This is Amber." He replied, showing off his alabaster grin.
"It's so nice to meet you." She said, smiling pleasantly and out stretching her
hand.
It was obvious this one had class. The others, less so.
"How long have you been together?" mom questioned, looking back and forth
between them. Grabbing the tips of Amber's fingers and shaking them gently. My
mother was a rather snobbish rich lady who took pride only in her children,
husband, home, and very few other things. Although, she'd never been
particularly fond of me. Of her six children I was the youngest and most
'selfish' in her opinion. Which basically meant I cared about other people,
unlike her, and she was jealous that more people liked me.
"About two years." She said. Her cheekbones were prominent and her nose was
small and perky. She was the kind of woman dad would pick so I knew mom
wouldn't like her as much as she pretended to. Dad would obviously make a move
on her and would likely be the reason by which Logan and her split.
Although, I hadn't seen her the year before, so she was likely a second
girlfriend, oblivious to the first. Mom realised that and began to laugh.
"Wow!" She exclaimed, trying not to alarm the girl who immediately became
alarmed, "And he's never mentioned you once! Don't take it personally, dear, he
only calls every three months or so."
Amber nodded and side stepped closer to Logan, who glanced around. Mom had
remodeled the house, like she often did, of boredom, and it was obviously not
to his liking.
"I miss when the walls were that ravishing red." he said, condescendingly,
"Then it would match the bugatti."
Amber giggled, and mom huffed.
"Oh my god Amber!" Melanie cried, entering the room.
The fourth oldest of my mother's children, she was likely the most sociable of
us all. She bested both Emily and Jacob, who were dad's business negotiators.
Melanie was a model, though, so I guess that played some part. For some reason,
she always knew Logan's girlfriends, and it always seemed like she'd known them
for years. I knew, however, that she'd never set him up with one of her
friends, because when he ended things, it was always brutal. Brutal enough to
end up on a magazine cover, which they often did.
"Melanie!" Amber beamed.
And after several minutes of girl talk between her, Melanie, and Mom, Mel
whisked her away into the living room where Jacob was inevitably drunk, and
Emily was explaining what she did for a living to our house guests which varied
from year to year. Dad was in the billiard room with his friend Dom, who he'd
known since before the war. Whichever one he meant he never really said.
They were admiring his antique gun collection, whilst playing a dignified game
of pool. They wouldn't be interrupted for the next hour or so, until dinner,
when mom would send Maya, our maid to fetch him. She'd lost the courage over
the years to do it herself, because they'd never actually finished the game and
he was always pissed when he was called away.
"Where's Addison?" Logan asked suddenly.
Mom glanced around and rubbed her palms together, "I'm not sure. But, he'll be
down for dinner."
I backed behind the corner where the stairs began and looked down over the
rails at him.
He removed his coat to reveal a new jet black turtleneck. His sense of fashion
always puzzled me, but he always seemed to look comfortable in it, and he never
looked all that bad. The only thing that mom liked specifically about him was
his hair, which was shaved on both sides to a faint buzz. He slicked it back
into a light pompadour atop his head.
Mom always said it was a sexy hairstyle and girls really seemed to like so he
never changed it. Even if he never really cared about mom's opinion. I knew the
only real reason he kept it was because when mom said it was nice, I agreed. He
never openly said it, but he valued my opinion, and everyone knew it.
"Yeah, but I haven't seen him all year." He said, looking around. He seemed a
little flustered, but mom responded by swinging out her hip and pouting at him.
"You haven't seen me all year either, and yet you've barely even spoken to me."
He scoffed, "What do you want me to say ma? You never had much to say to us
growing up."
She huffed and rolled her eyes, "You try raising six children by yourself. I
don't know why you kids blame me. Blame your father for knocking me up."
He chuckled and hung his coat.
"You know just as well as I do that you can't blame dad for anything."
She nodded and walked angrily into the living room.
He trotted up the stairs, glancing around for me.
"Addi?" he called.
I stood and walked into my room, which had changed since he left. The only
members of my family that actually lived in that house were Melanie, Mom, and
Dad. Even though the manor was three stories with twelve bedrooms. Mom and dad
occupied two of them, however because they couldn't stand each other when
either one was drunk, which was usually every couple days. Eventually they made
it a habit to sleep in separate rooms. Melanie rotated rooms every month, and
I'd stuck with the same room all sixteen years of my life, until then, because
I didn't want Logan to know which room was mine.
He wandered around for a while, after realising I'd rotated my residence. I
decided to bide my time, by sketching. A habit I'd developed after several
years of holiday parties full of strangers. I was actually getting pretty good.
I'd been sketching the tree in our back yard, one of the japanese cherry trees
mom had imported because she was bored of looking at pines. I still hadn't
become skilled enough to incorporate color, but my shading was getting better.
For some reason my ADHD always acted up when I drew for an extended period of
time, which caused me to sweat. Mom typically said I looked like a sketch
myself from all the lead on my face after wiping my brow so much and smearing
it on my face. It took a lot of patience and energy to stay put for so long,
but I usually bore through it. I didn't even notice him standing behind me,
until he rested his hands on my shoulders.
I jolted and turned around.
"Hey Addi." He said, leaning over me, "Nice job. You're getting good. I'll have
to get you to draw me something."
I chuckled awkwardly and hunched my shoulders. Twisting slowly to face the
desk.
"H-hey Logan." I mumbled.
He breathed deeply and scoffed lightly, "It uh...it almost seemed like you were
hiding from me." He paused, waiting for my reaction. When I didn't give him
one, he continued, "Why would I be thinking that?"
I shrugged.
He rubbed my shoulders. Pressing his thumbs deeply into the back of my neck.
"I-I just wanted to be closer to the trees." I told him, gesturing to the pines
out the window.
"Hmm." he mumbled, lowering his head next to mine.
I clasped my fingers together and held them between my knees. Trying not to
shake at his breath on my neck.
He suddenly burst into laughter and my heart began to race.
"I'm only kidding!" He exclaimed, "Jeez kid, lighten up!"
I smiled shyly and glanced up at him.
"Did things change that much Addi?"
I shook my head and sat up a little straighter.
He swiveled my chair around and sat on my bed.
"How are you?" He inquired, tilting his head curiously.
He had blue eyes. Eyes that would be mistaken as photoshop if you were to take
a picture of them. Inquisitive eyes that burned with suspicion. That made you
look away if you had something to hide. Or if you were scared.
"I-I'm good." I replied, looking away, "H-how are you?"
He shrugged and looked around the room, "I've been better. Melanie's been
driving me nuts. She visits just about every weekend. It seems like she spends
more time with Amber than I do." He paused and glanced at me, "You know my
girlfriend Amber, right? You were probably watching from the stairway like you
always do."
He chuckled and smiled at me.
"Logan! Addison! Game time!" Emily called.
I flinched at her sudden booming voice, causing my desk to rattle and my
pencils to roll onto the floor.
I rolled my chair out and picked them up quickly. Trying not to let them slip
from my sweaty fingers. Logan watched me as I put them back into place and sat
up to face him.
"Are you ok?" He asked.
I nodded and stood.
"Woah." He said, standing.
He approached me and put his hands on my hips, twisting me around.
"Have you lost weight? Like an incredibly large amount of weight?"
I glanced down and shrugged, "I-I guess."
He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, "You're practically a toothpick
Addi."
I shifted and shrugged again.
"Logan! Addison!" Emily screeched.
This time, he jolted, putting his hand over his heart in shock. He smiled and
laughed, "Damn, she is scary huh?"
I smiled skittishly and agreed.
He nodded toward the door, "Better not keep the pterodactyl waiting."
I laughed lightly and started out.
He put his hand on my shoulder and stopped me. I froze and stared at him as he
put his hand on my cheek. I held my breath as he leaned in.
He squinted and rubbed my forehead with his thumb.
"Leftover lead." he chuckled, patting my back.
I nodded and stepped back.
***** What's mine is mine *****
The important thing to remember about Logan is that he does not care about you
or anything you say. You might as well be talking to a rock. The only emotions
I've ever seen him display has been anger and psychopathic glee. So when he
starts being nice to you, at random, like he was with me, you had cause to
worry.
Game time had consisted of Emily reading the entire instruction pamphlet of
Monopoly, aloud to us, even though we'd started the game without her, and by
the time she finished, dinner time had come.
Our guests were our neighbors and some more distant relatives. Amber's parents
had come by while Logan was in my room, so he was getting acquainted with them
while we ate. We had a dining table, but Mom insisted we only use it during
Thanksgiving, when it was called for, and during Christmas we all ate,
carefully, in the living-room. Or in dad's case the billiard room with his
friends.
I wasn't particularly hungry but after Logan saw the small portion of my plate
that was occupied by food, he demanded I replenish the empty space. I also
wasn't particularly sociable, so I remained in the more reserved parlor by the
door until Logan, again, intervened and insisted I join him.
Amber was preoccupied with Melanie, so she offered no help when I became
engulfed in a conversation I hadn't the faintest idea of the topic.
"It's incredible." Mr. Sharpe exclaimed, glancing to his wife who agreed with a
curt nod and raise of her brows.
"To own such a large amount of stock in so many successful companies. At such a
young age. You must be a genius."
"I like to think so." He chuckled, amused at their obliviousness. Dad
practically invented the Stock Market. He knew it better than anyone, which was
largely the reason why he was the richest man in the world, so no less can be
expected of his children. All of which were homeschooled when it came to
mathematics and statistic.
"But in reality, it's just luck." He told them. Putting on his best act to be
modest.
"Our Father was only thirty two when he became a billionaire. And at that point
he had four kids! I haven't had the financial burdens he was troubled with
attending to, so in a way I'm more fortunate. Of course, there's still time to
find someone to settle down with."
Mrs. Sharpe giggled, "Does our Amber have a chance at being that someone?"
He smiled, "Maybe so. I've never met a woman of her caliber. She certainly is a
blessing."
At that point I had to cover my mouth to refrain from out right hysteria. It
amazed me sometimes how well he could bend his words and fool people. That and
the stupidity of mankind.
I was sorely unprepared, however when the conversation suddenly shifted to me.
"Who knows what you'll be doing at twenty-five!" Mrs. Sharpe said nudging me,
"Having five siblings to model after. One can only be so lucky!"
Logan put his arm around me and pushed my shoulders together, "I can see it
now." He said, "Addison Incorporated..."
Mr. Sharpe toasted sarcastically and then entire group had a good laugh, except
for me, because Logan's arm relaxed, but did not move.
"That's an interesting name, by the way." Mrs. Sharpe stated, "If you don't
mind my asking, why did your parents chose that?"
I shrugged, both to answer their question and in hopes that Logan's arm would
slip off. It didn't.
"I'm not sure." I replied, "I guess Mom just liked the name."
"They took turns naming us children, you see." Logan clarified.
Mr. Sharpe laughed, "Do you ever get mistaken for a girl on the roster in
school?"
I smiled politely and opened my mouth to speak, but paused when Logan's arm
tightened and his body language shifted from relaxed to hostile.
He returned Mr. Sharpe's laugh sarcastically, "Do you ever get mistaken as the
joke instead of the comedian?"
The conversation paused and seemed to shift, "P-pardon?" Mr. Sharpe inquired.
Logan tilted his head, "It's just that you seem to find yourself rather funny.
Am I mistaken?"
"Mr. Divitiae, I meant no insult..."
"Oh, you didn't now did you?"
"No..."
"Well, how would you feel if you were asked the same stupid question by
everyone you meet because your parents gave you a unisex name that most people
assume is meant for a girl?"
"I...don't know..."
"Of course you don't know. Can you even imagine how many people would make fun
of you for having the name 'Addison'. Not only as a boy but as one of the heirs
to the largest fortune in the world? Have you any idea how hard it would be to
make people take you seriously? Have you any idea?!"
"Logan!" Mom shouted suddenly.
He flicked his gaze to her. Eyes burning. His face contorted into a mask of
rage.
She gestured to me, and he became calm as he saw the panic radiating off of me
and felt how tightly he compressed my body. I was shaking.
He stood abruptly and left the room.
Everyone stared at us both shocked, and yet completely unsurprised.
"I'm terribly sorry." Mom insisted, reached for the hand of both Mr. and Mrs.
Sharpe who seemed startled.
"He's had too much to drink and he often gets quite agitated when he's like
than. Especially around Christmas. It's his least favorite holiday. You see
we've never really been a completely functional family. It gets him riled when
we're all in the same place. You really must forgive his outburst. He has his
father's pride."
As she spoke she gestured behind her back for me to leave.
I stood and rushed upstairs.
Sitting in my normal perch just around the corner, with a perfect view through
the rail. Mom pulled Jacob and Anthony into the hallway. Both, my brothers.
"Logan's had too much to drink." She whispered, barely loud enough to hear,
"Keep an eye on him. Make sure he doesn't try to drive or do anything
stupid...and...for God sakes...keep him away from Addison. We don't want a
repeat of...you know."
They both nodded, glancing up the stairs, where they knew I'd be watching.
I leaned against the wall and drew up my legs, hugging my knees against my
chest.
I hadn't seen Logan drink that night. Hopefully a prohibition had been set in
place for him, in light of what had occurred in...other...instances.
*
I'd fallen asleep.
I'd tried not to, but I couldn't help it. The entire family was standing in the
front yard talking to our departing guests. Logan stood in the doorway. His
ankles and arms crossed. I guess Jacob and Anthony had forgotten their
obligation because as he came stumbling up the steps no one attempted to stop
him.
"Addi!" He stated gleefully when our eyes met, "Where've you been? You missed
the party...again."
I scrambled to my feet and backed away.
"Are you spending the night?" I asked quietly.
He nodded, "All week. And a little after. The whole Brady Bunch in fact. Mom's
idea. Amber doesn't like it, but I'll break up with her in a week or so, so I
don't really give a shit."
He scratched his head and rubbed his eyes. Drowsiness caused his eyes to focus
and unfocus randomly.
"I'm going to go to bed." He told me.
I nodded, "M-me too."
He sniffed and looked over the railing. Watching the door.
I backed away until I'd passed the corner of the hall and turned to walk toward
my room. I heard him walking after me, but decided it was ok, because he was on
his way to bed.
I had just reached my room when he wrapped his arms around me. I froze and
trembled. He buried his head lazily into my neck and breathed deeply.
"I love you." He told me.
I swallowed slowly and tried to calm my racing heart,
"I-I love you too." I whispered.
He nodded, pulling me closer to him, into a tight hug.
"Goodnight." He whispered.
I took a shaky breath and sighed.
"G-goodnight."
There was a long paused. He leaned forward just a little and tilted his head to
see my face. My expression.
I tried as hard as I could to seem neutral. To keep a pokerface. And to pop on
a faint smile, so he'd leave me alone.
He giggled lightly and hiccuped.
"Sleep well Addi." he mumbled, placing a small kiss on my neck before releasing
me and disappearing into one of the unoccupied rooms of our residence.
I stood there for several minutes, frozen in time and fear, until Emily
appeared behind me.
"Where is he?" she asked insistently, grabbing me by the shoulders. Looking me
over whilst simultaneously scanning our surroundings.
"I don't know." I whispered.
She lifted my shirt and checked my belt, which was still in place.
"Are you ok?"
I nodded.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "You scared me...come on...let's go
to bed."
She led me into my room and tucked me into my bed. After attempting to change
me into my pajamas, and facing stern resistance, she gave up and rolled me into
my bed. After a brief expression of her worriment and the idiocy and negligence
of both Jacob and Anthony, she left me alone. Where I stared at the ceiling,
remembering that day. Trying to forget it.
I hated the way he said my name. Not so much the presentation. Whether someone
called me Addison or Addi, I didn't care. It was the way it sounded rolling off
his tongue. Slipping through his teeth and over his lips. Like he owned every
letter. Every syllable. Ever since that day. And I couldn't do anything about
it. And no one else did and no one else cared. Even if everyone knew what
happened. What he did.
***** Terrors *****
Logan was the oldest child. He was twenty-five. He had crystal blue eyes.
Almost silver. His hair was Jet black. It was naturally an extremely dark
brown, but he dyed it because he liked the depth and because I said it looked
cool. He was especially tan because he liked to spend his summers tanning in
the Bahamas or Southern Florida. He was about 6' 3" and had fairly broad
shoulders. He could be intimidating when he wanted to be, but usually relied on
his charismatic behavior to cut deals and make friends in the right placed. He
owned stock in Apple, Windows, just about all the car manufacturing companies,
a couple insurance companies, and invested in risk worthy up and comers.
Emily was the second oldest child. She was twenty-four. She had navy blue eyes.
Dark, intense eyes that made her perfectly arched eyebrows more prominent and
intimidating. Her hair was a lighter brown, and had streaks of blonde like our
mother. She was tan, primarily because her tactic of conducting business
involved manipulating her clients which were primarily men, to lust after her.
Causing a bridge of trust and an open door to their resources. She was 5'9" and
was rather petite. She worked for our father as a broker and accountant of
sorts when required.
Melanie and Anthony were the third and fourth children.Twins, Melanie was only
older by a couple minutes. They were both twenty-three They both had brown eyes
like our father that resembled light shining through a glass of whiskey. They
both had dark brown hair and were naturally tan. Melanie, however still got a
fake tan every other week for her job as a model. Anthony was 6' 2" and Melanie
was 5'6". Anthony was a stockbroker who worked primarily for Logan and Melanie
was a Model who worked for various advertisements and magazines. Both had
smaller body types and weren't very intimidating. However Anthony could scare
the shit out of someone if he really felt like it.
Jacob was the fifth child. He was twenty-two He had dark brown eyes that almost
appeared black. He had light brown hair that could be considered blonde when in
the sun. He was actually rather pale, due to his lack of outdoor adventure. He
was an advocate of the arts and enjoyed all sorts of fun and games as long as
they consisted of a set of rules and were participated in, inside. He was 6'0"
and worked as a salesman for several major companies and shared a similar job
to Emily. He had rather broad shoulders and was often mistaken as older than
Anthony by several years.
Last, but not least me. Addison. The sixth child. I was fifteen at this time. I
had light brown hair, much like Jacob, and blue eyes similar to both Logan and
Emily. Almost a mix between the two if you can imagine it. I was pale. Much
like Jacob I didn't get out much. Mainly because I didn't have a job or real
reason to draw me outside other than the sketches I often found myself making.
Of course I usually only participated in the art of drawing landscapes during
the sunset, sunrise, or during the night. I was 5'9" at this time and the only
thing I did was double check the bills and taxes when it came time to file
them. Not so much as it needed to be done, but more of a practice exercise in
my otherwise boring life. Even if I wasn't a rich success like my siblings I
knew my parents had more than enough money than to care for me, and would never
cast me out, so I wasn't very worried about it.
Just to clear up anything otherwise confusing.
*
I was thirteen.
He was twenty-three.
It was a month before my birthday.
He was drunk.
And that's all you need to know.
A ten year age gap really isn't that much if you think about it in terms of
siblings. Meaning if I've grown up with you my whole life, the years in which I
didn't exist sort of just melt away, and we seem like we're the same age. That
is until one of us leaves the house or gets their first car, or gets married,
or gets a job, or becomes a millionaire.
Then those years start to count.
And you start to see it.
The difference.
I was always close to my siblings until they grew up faster than I did and left
the house. Except Melanie, but she's a girl, and I can't really relate to her
like I use to. Emily is only around on Business, and I don't even know where
Jacob lives. Anthony only flies in for the holidays, but regularly lives in
Florida near Logan, who I couldn't stand to be near. Mom and Dad were hardly
ever around so after the years passed by I really realised how painstakingly
boring and empty my life was without any friends or family to fill it.
That week was hell.
Mom had elected that everyone stay until new years, because she wanted to get
to see her family as one happy bunch before they all dispersed and attended to
their daily lives for the rest of the year. Mom was never really controlling
but she was very lonely, so she always wanted to have at least one of her kids
around. As long as it wasn't just me or Melanie. Anthony was her favorite
child. Everyone knew that, and Emily was a close second. The rest of us were
just afterthoughts. Not that she didn't love us. I'm sure she did. Let's just
say that if there were a fire, she'd rescue us in a very specific order. I was
particularly proud, however that I wasn't her least favorite child. That was
Logan. That would always be Logan. It wasn't necessarily what he did to me,
like you'd think, but mainly because he was always closer to dad and always
took her for granted.
I hardly understand people, however, so I never really tried to understand my
family. Especially Logan. I'd have given everything I ever had to make sure I
never understood Logan. Dad didn't know what he did, because he wasn't there
when it happened and no one told him. He wouldn't have cared anyway, and he
likely wouldn't have believed it either, so we all sort of just let it lie. Of
my siblings, the only one who didn't know, was Melanie, because mom always
deemed her too 'fragile' to know, even if the real reason was because she
couldn't stand Melanie knowing a family secret which she'd likely leak to the
press for publicity. Mom never liked being in the line of sight of the public
eye. Especially when Melanie was the one who drew it there, because it was
typically about a scandal of some sort.
Anthony had been the one to stop him. Mom was the first to discover it, but
apparently lacked the courage to do anything, so she relied on Anthony to do it
for her. Jacob and him had locked Logan in the cellar until morning, which
wasn't smart because he drank until he'd nearly died of alcohol poisoning.
Unfortunately, he didn't die. Emily had heard the commotion, and when she asked
what had happened, Mom was too 'distraught' to refrain from telling her. She
voted they tell the police and have Logan arrested, but Mom insisted that
family matters remain in the family and basically blackmailed all of us into
silence. I knew just as well as she did that she didn't care whether Logan was
alive or not. It was her's and Dad's pride on the line. Their reputation, and
she'd be damned if we went down in flames like the 'others'.
So I remained in my room during family occasions, in case Logan decided to
come, just so Mom and everyone wouldn't have to deal with me or him or any
trouble the two of us might cause. Even if I didn't cause any to begin with.
Even if it had been Dad who'd taught him to be such a monstrous, evil, spoiled,
man, who just took whatever the hell he wanted.
Mom was angry when I didn't tell her. She found out from Logan the next
morning, through his drunk ramblings, and she was angry that I hadn't told her,
or called for help, but if she wanted to pretend nothing had happened, or would
happen, who was I to stand in her way? Especially when I didn't know what he
was capable of if I fought him.
I thought I'd locked the door.
But still,
I heard the doorknob rattle and open
"This place is a maze." He muttered, falling into the bed beside me, "I don't
even remember living in it."
I sat stiff, staring at the wall which I faced.
He pulled up the covers and slid beneath them. He tucked one arm under me and
wrapped the other over, pulling me close to him. So close that I could feel the
pulse on his neck, pressed against my ear, and I could hear his blood pumping
through his veins. I felt his breath on my own neck, and the hair all over my
body rose and goosebumps covered me like a second skin.
He rubbed his head up and down, brushing my hair along his face. Holding me so
tight that I could barely breathe.
He was warm. Extremely warm. And in the cold night, I hated myself for enjoying
it.
I was half asleep when he slid the tips of his fingers along my lips. Tracing
my jaw and mouth and the features of my face like they were the paintings on a
mural or work of art. He kissed me repetitively. In one spot, on the edge of my
face, on the end of my jaw, right below my ear. Moving a millimeter up and
around per kiss. Barely moving a hair as he placed them. My eyes watered and I
tried desperately not to cry. I didn't know what he'd do if I cried. The last
time he'd gotten frustrated but he hadn't hit me or anything, because I think
he knew I had a reason to cry, that the pain was enough to be considered 'cry
worthy'.
He whispered quiet, gentle gibberish in my ear. As if it was a language he knew
only I could understand.
He dipped his hand into my shirt and rubbed my bare shoulder. Pulling the cloth
from it as if freeing my skin. My lips quivered as he touched them, and after
several minutes, I, like him realised that I was crying. Very gently, and very
softly.
"Addi?" He whispered, the drunkenness seeming to fall away.
As if he'd suddenly slipped out of it, and had become a concerned, brother,
like he should have been.
"Addi, what's wrong?" He insisted, turning me over onto my back. Releasing me.
Searching my eyes and body frantically as if he'd hurt me.
"Addison?" He questioned, running his fingers tenderly through my hair.
Breathing deeply and softly. In a calm fashion as if to flaunt that he wasn't
angry.
I stared at him with empty eyes. Trying to find a hint of remorse. Not for
this, but what he'd done. And when he slid his arm up my neck and rested his
thumb on my jaw. Smiling, saying, I had scared him, I knew there was no hope
for a trace of it.
He kissed me a little more and caressed what skin he could uncover, although
never below the waist. He made the annoying point that I'd lost a lot of
weight, again, whilst wrapping his fingers gently around my wrist. He could
wrap his thumb and pinkie around and touch them. And he did, a morbid shake of
the head communicated his dismay. My wrists were very thin, but in my defence,
his hands were quite large. I told him quietly that it was because of the
medicine. Had I not, he'd have questioned me all night.
"What medicine?" He asked, his voice sounding more agitated than it naturally
came.
I hesitated, shifting uncomfortably beneath his weight.
"F-for my dreams." I whispered.
He paused and stroked my arm thoughtfully.
"You haven't had a night terror in years." He stated.
That was partially true. I'd had a bout of night terrors from ages eight to
eleven, afterwhich I was deemed, 'cured'. I was free for three years. Until it
happened.
I guess he'd never asked about it before because everyone thought those days
were behind them.
He suddenly pulled me very close, slowly curling me up into his chest. Laying
his head over mine like a protective barrier from the night.
"You won't need that medicine while I'm here." He said, "I'll take care of
you."
I began to breathe rapidly, and my heart pounded, just thinking about what he
could do if he wanted to do it. After our last encounter, he'd learned that no
one cared what he did to me, or in the very least, wouldn't do anything about
it.
He silenced me, humming sing-song nothings into my ear like the melody of a
familiar song that I couldn't quite remember hearing.
***** The Cinema *****
Anyway.
Mom wasn't happy. Logan had gone from room to room, and if they were
unoccupied, spent a couple minutes laying on the bed until he got bored of it
and shifted. He apparently kept her up all night.
He'd laid in my bed until I'd reluctantly fallen asleep, and after a quick
rotation of the house, decided the most comfortable place to crash was the
couch.
When he heard Mom come down, he assumed it was me, and revealed his
extracurricular activities for the night.
'Accidentally'
Mom wasn't happy.
Instead of harassing him, however, like a normal person would have done, she
stormed into my room and began harassing me.
"Addison!" she shouted, startling me from an otherwise, surprisingly, good
night's sleep.
I turned over and looked at her.
She cocked her head back when she saw my tear stained cheeks and glazed eyes.
"Did he hurt you?"
I sat up shyly and pulled the covers up and around me.
"No." I whispered.
She sighed exasperated and huffed, "Why didn't you call anyone? Huh? Me? One of
your brothers?"
She went on to rant about how immature and stupid I'd been. That if I hadn't
been so damn quiet someone would have stopped him the first time. That he'd
have never laid a hand on me. That it was, essentially, my fault. Of course I
knew that was her shielding her own guilt with blame. I didn't like being
called a victim, but in this instance that's exactly what I was. And I wasn't
in the mood to be pushed around. Especially by Mom.
"What would you have done?" I questioned, interrupting her mid-debate.
She paused, and flicked her eyes to me. As if unsure if I'd spoken, or if I
even existed.
"What?" She spat, crossing her arms defensively.
"What would you have done if he was laying over you, in a house full of people
who don't care whether he does anything to you or not."
She scoffed, "Don't be dramatic. Everyone in this house cares about you."
"Then why didn't you tell?"
Her face burned red and she was flustered. She scrambled for something to say,
and when she found it, she rolled her shoulders back and lifted her chin above
my field of vision, condescendingly.
"Why didn't you?"
I stared at her with burning eyes. Boiling tears rolled down my cheeks, too
thin to notice from her standpoint. I wanted her to drop dead. For all of them
to drop dead. How could she, of all people accuse me for keeping my silence.
"No one would believe me." I muttered.
Exasperated, she threw up her arms in an exaggerate 'I give up!' motion and
left. Slamming the door behind her, which made me jolt.
Of course it was my fault.
It always was.
After all, I had forced him to do what he did, hadn't I?
No.
And she knew it.
*
We went to the cinema. It had been Dad's idea. Jacob was the only one who had
an actual prior engagement, which he'd made clear before any plans were made,
unlike the rest of us who scrambled for excuses. Dad was one of those people
who loved to guess the endings of movies, and I don't think he'd ever been
wrong in my entire life.
Needless to say he spoiled them.
And furthermore, Mom didn't want me and Logan in a dark room where no one could
monitor 'us'. As if we worked in a unit against her. As if I initiated any of
our interactions. I was so angry a her that I almost didn't mind when I felt
him rubbing my knee. I almost hoped she'd look, so that I could glare at her,
daring her to say something. I knew she wouldn't. She wouldn't tarnish this
family's name over such a 'trite altercation' as she'd come to referring to
these 'incidents'.
I did, feel a sudden urgency for action when he dragged his fingers up and let
them drip down my inner thigh.
"Logan!" Anthony snapped, leaning over me to look him in the eyes.
"What?" he replied, as if oblivious to what Anthony could possibly be talking
about. As if he'd missed a crucial part in the movie due to pure negligence and
or distraction.
Anthony gestured to me and the horrified expression I bared.
The traumatization he was causing me suddenly seemed to snap and he retracted
his hand. Luckily Dad had bought out the entire theatre, so no one saw their
small argument.
Logan watched me for the rest of the movie.
It was painfully obvious, and it made me both insecure and scared. And I think
he knew it.
"Terrible ending." Dad stated, taking a huff from his pipe, "Saw it coming from
a mile away."
Melanie, Emily, and Mom all rolled their eyes simultaneously as they often did.
Dad was rather odd. I don't know why he had a pipe, because he only smoked when
we were out, and he wasn't addicted to it, because he didn't do it often enough
for it to become a habit. Needless to say, we didn't get out much. He had his
business managed for him, so he never needed to leave. He justified it,
however, to Mom, who couldn't stand the smoke, by saying 'all my rich friends
have one'. It was a rather childish argument, but somehow made an inexplicable
amount of sense.
Each of us had a rather odd habit, come to think of it. Mom always stood next
to plants. For some reason if you were paying attention long enough, you'd come
to see a pattern in the way she moves. For instance, in a crowded room, or
empty room in general, she will always stand by the nearest plant, and if there
isn't one in the room, she stands by the window. She'll never look at the
plant, but every now and then, you'll see her rub the leaves between her
fingers. Furthermore, when she walked along the pavement, she'd stick to the
side nearest to nature.
Emily was quite fond of the concept of luck. She always crossed her fingers
when walking into a room or building she's never been in, and always wears a
cross. Not that she's extremely religious. She just thinks it's good luck. And
whenever she sees a sign signaling a risk of danger, she always spells 'danger'
under her breath.There were a million other things she did, but at the moment
I've forgotten them. I know it seems that she'd be extremely superstitious and
likely to stiff to hang out with, but she hides her obsession quite well.
Jacob had a knack for collecting wine corks. That one had started recently. He
never particularly liked wine and rarely ever drank it. But when a bottle was
opened, he always snatched the corks. He had a large box full of them, and said
he'd do something with them someday, but couldn't figure a use. I didn't
understand why he even kept them in that case, but I didn't ask because I
didn't think he knew either.
Melanie, much like Jacob, collected buttons. Not even just old ones. She'd
often get in trouble at stores for cutting buttons off of new coats and shirts.
Even the media had picked up on her peculiar behavior and highlighted it as
more of a cute quirk. Even if it was just her being odd. She didn't know how to
sew and wasn't artistic in the slightest, so it was always a topic for
discussion when a boyfriend, or guest came over, wondering why she had eighteen
jars of buttons in her room.
Anthony loved models. Model trains, model airplanes, model cars. Model
anything. He had a ten thousand dollar set of tools and magnifying glasses and
just the right desk and chair for constructing them. It was almost scary to see
the meticulous demeanor in which he connected each piece. He had three storage
containers full of his models, which were perfectly preserved in glass
containers. I'd once broken one accidentally when I was around twelve, and he
didn't come out of his room for three days.
I, myself had always been fond of names. The more extravagant the better. I
liked them so wild and crazy that whichever computer I typed them onto,
wouldn't even recognise it as a word and couldn't even make a suggestion to fix
it. I'd never liked my own name, so I guess that's how I coped, or compensated.
I'd never have named my own children those names though, because I wouldn't
have wanted them to be teased during primary school like I was.
Logan's fetish had always been collecting animal furs. Even illegal ones. Ever
since he was a kid he'd wanted to have all the animals. Their skin, primarily.
He always bragged about being able to recognise animals by touch. Of course we
all knew, ironically, that his favorite animal to touch, was me.
***** Cosmetic Conundrum *****
Logan was dad's favorite son. Child.
The rest of us were dull in comparison. Not that we really minded. We knew the
true nature of him, so we weren't insulted. It merely showed Dad's blindness
and idiocy. Mom minded. She hated Logan. Primarily because Dad loved him. My
Mother was easily made jealous.
"Harvard!" She exclaimed.
She, being my mother, and Harvard being my father. Amber had come by to say
goodbye to Logan. She would be going to Kansas with her cousin to visit her
family, but would be back before he left for Florida after New Years. My
father, being the man he is, made a move on her, which Amber immediately
reported to my mother who was reprimanding him now.
"She is a guest!" She shouted.
Startled, and already defending himself, my father shook his head, "What are
you talking about?"
"Don't pretend!"
"I have no idea what you're talking about!"
"Oh shut up!"
"Ivy!" He breathed, rolling his eyes.
It was a joke within the family regarding the irony of our parent's names. My
father's name being the name of an 'Ivy League' school, and my mother being
named Ivy. Mom swears up and down it was basically the only reason they got
married. They'd have gotten divorced after Emily was born, but that's when Dad
struck it rich, so she stayed. That's what she told us. What we knew, however,
was that she stayed because she loved him. Far more than he deserved.
"Amber told me you put one of your filthy hands on her." She barked.
He tilted his head, "Way to give me the benefit of the doubt Ivy."
She growled, "I'd have given you the benefit of the doubt, if this wasn't the
fifth time you've done this Harvard!"
"Oh! There you go! Always with your counting! Why do women keep such documented
records of things that don't even matter!"
"Don't matter?!"
"That's not what I meant, and you know it!"
I watched from behind the rail of the stairs. Watching the interaction with
interest, until Logan appeared behind me, and placed his arms on either side of
mine. Cornering me.
"At it again are they?"
He rested his chin on my head and I nodded.
"Hey, baby!" Amber called from down the hall.
"Hey, lovebird." He chirped, standing straight, and turning his head to look at
her.
She paused when she heard our parents going at it and tip toed to our perch.
"I didn't mean to get him in trouble." She mumbled.
"Don't worry about it." he told her, resting his chin on me once more.
She giggled and smiled at us, "You two are so cute! You're lucky that you have
such a wonderful family."
Logan chuckled and slapped my shoulders from either side, making me jump. He
rubbed my arms, "They are kind of wonderful aren't they?"
She nodded.
Then after eyeing me for several minutes she pursed her lips, "Actually, I
don't think I met this one."
She curled her lips into a grin and her eyes widened playfully, "Let me guess.
I only met Emily and I already know Melanie...so you're either Jacob or
Anthony."
She thought for a second. Grinding her lips together.
"Hmmm..." She said, "You look sort of like a Jacob."
I shook my head, and Logan breathed deeply, "Actually," He said, "This is
Addison."
She burned red and she raised her eyebrows, "I'm so sorry. One of my friends
has a cousin named Addison. I forgot it's a unisex name."
The robotic chime of her voice told me that her and Logan had rehearsed this
before coming. My name was always questioned and remarked upon, and I'd grown
quite tired of it. A fact which he knew.
"It's ok." I said shyly.
He nodded onto my head.
"Just wait until mom pulls the 'Jessica' card again." He mumbled.
"Who?"
"One of Anthony's girlfriends. The first time dad ever cheated was with her."
That wasn't true.
It had been his old girlfriend. One of the first he ever brought to a family
gathering or occasion of any time. It was not the first time dad ever cheated
on mom, but was the first time dad had cheated on mom with one of Logan's
girlfriends. I say that clearly, because it wasn't the last time.
"This is just like Jessica!" Mom shouted suddenly.
Logan rubbed the back of my neck with his thumbs and yipped in excitement.
"Always about Jessica!" He mouthed, as dad said the words.
If it's not obvious already, this conversation has taken place multiple times.
"I take it this happens a lot." Amber mumbled.
We both nodded.
I guess Logan had briefed her about the goings on and inter workings of the
family. She didn't seem shocked or lost for words like his other girlfriends
often found themselves. She seemed more disappointed, and as she eyed me I
found myself wondering how much he'd told her about me.
We retreated to Amber's room, or at least, where she would be staying until her
flight the next day. She was fawning over the makeup kit and pallets she'd
received as an early stocking stuffer from Melanie.
"I'd try it out, but, I've already got a full face of makeup and Emily won't
let me do it on her."
She made a pouty face and sighed deeply.
Logan watched her, not at all interested. His girlfriends were mostly for show,
so it wasn't surprising when he ignored them.
I sat quietly in the corner, listening as she spoke. Staring out the window,
yet unable to ignore the gaze Logan shifted to me.
His eyes seemed to move sideways, almost in an unnatural way.
It sent a shiver down my spine.
"I'll be right back baby." He said.
"Oh, alright." she replied, even if he wasn't talking to her.
He pat my knee as he stood and left.
We sat in an awkward silence for several minutes until she asked if she could
try her makeup on me. At first I refused, but her persistence was so intense
that I couldn't say no.
She pulled a folding table out from under the bed and set it beside me, for a
place to put her things. She started with foundation and built on from there.
Most of the time, I sat with my eyes closed. She laughed at my quivering eyes
that weren't use to being poked and prodded at. I couldn't really feel the
difference until after she'd put a mirror in front of me. Then, suddenly the
thick layers of contour and hightlight made my skin crawl. She seemed pleased
with her work, so I didn't express my distaste for it. Not that it looked bad,
I just didn't like see it on me. Luckily she didn't have a wig, because if she
had, I think Logan might have lost his mind.
When he returned, he paused in the door and stared at me with a blank
expression. At first it seemed as though he liked it, but after closer
examination I could see the angry sneer slowly curling from his lips. Amber,
obviously didn't see it, because she began to brag about how well she'd done.
She claimed it was the best job she'd ever done on another person, completely
disregarding his obvious irritation.
"Shut up." He growled.
She froze. Shocked.
He grabbed my face and tilted it up, examining my features. "Take this shit
off."
She didn't hesitate in obeying him. Almost panicked when she realised she could
go no faster. He stood behind her with his arms crossed. Glaring down at me
until every speck of cosmetics had been wiped away.
"I'm sorry." she told him.
He sneered and she backed away.
"Come on Addi." He ordered, yanking me up by my arm.
She stared at the ground and sat quietly as we left.
"I hate it." he growled, thrusting me into my room.
I stumbled back and steadied myself against the side of my bed.
He slammed the door shut and locked it, making me jolt and stare at him
nervously.
He advanced and shoved me down onto the mattress. I backed against the wall and
hugged my knees into my chest. My heart racing as he glared down at me.
"I fucking hate it." He barked, pacing back and forth angrily beside the
window.
"I hate it when people make fun of your name or make fun of you or do stupid
shit like that, they don't know. They have no idea. They have no fucking idea!
I'd kill them all. I'd fucking rip their lungs out!"
He ran his arm along my desk. Knocking all of my art supplies and books onto
the ground. And as they thud violently against the ground and wall I flinched.
"Ignorant bitch." He muttered, "And you."
He turned suddenly and walked abruptly toward me, "Why the fuck would you let
her degrade you like that?!"
He backhanded me, causing me to fall back on the bed. I don't want to say I'd
forgotten about his temper, because I hadn't. But I was very surprised and
unprepared as he crawled over me, straddling my waist, reaching for my hands.
"I'm sorry..." I whimpered, twisting violently and kicking my legs.
He punched me and grabbed my wrists, holding them up over my head. Lowering his
face down into mine.
"I'm sorry..." I begged, craning my neck away from him, squeezing my eyes shut
as blood dripped from my nose down over my lips.
I trembled in terror, waiting for him to hit me again or take advantage of me,
but he didn't. He just sat their staring at me.
"I don't...like hurting you, Addison...but..." He paused and breathed deeply,
"But I don't-"
"Logan?!" Anthony shouted, pounding on the door. "Logan are you in there?!"
He growled, looking back over his shoulder.
"Fuck off!" he barked.
I twisted and wiggled to the side of the bed.
He flicked his gaze back to me and wrapped his hands around my throat.
"Addison?" Anthony cried, throwing himself against the door, "Addison are you
ok?"
I clawed at his fingers and gasped desperately for air.
His eyes were sad and angry at the same time and if I hadn't known any better I
would think he was a parent, disciplining their child, even if they hated it.
Anthony managed to break the door down in enough time to rip him off me. Logan
fought him for a while, but after he saw me gagging and coughing he scoffed and
stormed out.
Anthony watched him leave, before approaching me.
"Are you alright?" He asked, checking to make sure none of my clothing had been
removed. Looking into my terrified eyes as if they'd tell him what happened. As
if it was as simple as, "he hit me." because, God knew, it wasn't.
***** Who I Was *****
I was like the rest of them once. I was spoiled. Not as much, but I was once a
cocky shit that would be considered just as bad as Melanie or Jacob. Or any of
my siblings really, except I don't think I was ever even close to being in the
same league as Logan. I had only talked back to my mother twice and I had never
even thought about back talking dad but I never held back from the others. I
must have been twelve. He had just turned twenty-two. I had been stalking his
birthday party, which was three days after his actually birthday, from my perch
at the top of the stairs because I'd have rather watched than socialize with
the people I didn't know or like.
Mom had naturally made the party all about her and Logan was left standing
awkwardly in the living room, drinking punch. I knew he didn't care because
none of us did. It had been what we were raised into. Mom was self centered and
that was a fact none of us disputed or tried to change. But just the way he
leaned against the wall exasperated, with his head hanging over his glass, let
me know how terribly bored he was. That was the last conversation I ever
initiated with him. I had descended from my perch to convince him to take a
drive. I hated being at home and dad had just bought him a bugatti.
I'll never forget the smile he gave me, because it was the first one that had
ever hinted at his...twisted...behavior. I remember the way his lips had curled
and the way his eyes showed almost no emotion, and that it sent a chill down my
spine that I couldn't shake off. He put down his drink almost immediately and
escorted me to the car without telling anyone. Of course, no one wouldn't have
cared. Especially mom. We drove around in the woods for a while before he took
me to his apartment, which I had never been to. He moved frequently so it was
easier for him to visit us than for us to visit him, even if we didn't do
either one.
Somewhere along the way we had gotten into a brief argument about how I'd been
expelled from three schools. I was falling behind and I didn't care about my
reputation and mom had asked him to intervene because dad didn't care either. I
don't know why but he had gotten offended and angry when I began to trash talk
our parents. He had done it countless times before so I saw no problem with it.
And he got even more pissed when I called him a hypocrite. We were in his
apartment when he decided to lecture me about responsibility and how I was
throwing away opportunities.
"Our parents are rich. What opportunities could I possibly be throwing away." I
asked sarcastically, leaning up against the arm of the couch.
He stood before me, arms crossed. Steaming. "That's not what we're talking
about Addison and you know it."
"How is that not what we're talking about?"
"Mom and Dad aren't going to take care of you forever...."
"Why not? I'm their child, and God forbid mom tarnish her reputation by having
a homeless, jobless child."
"Will you just fucking listen to me and stop slacking off?"
"If I say no you'll get pissed but if I say yes you'll still get pissed because
you'll know I'm lying so I don't understand the point of this conversation."
"Addison..."
"You know, I don't really give a shit about what you're going to say next, so
I'm going to go call a cab and go home. Have fun rotting in high school dropout
hell." I said standing abruptly, vaulting over the couch.
"Addison come back here." He growled, clenching his fists. His eyes following
me as I walked across the room toward the door.
"Fuck off Logan." I muttered, flipping him the bird over my shoulder.
I had nearly wrapped my fingers around the handle when he lost it entirely and
advanced.
"Don't walk away from me." He shouted, spinning me around.
"Get off!" I insisted, shoving him away.
He struggled to hold me in place and I fought him, until he let me go and
slapped me as hard as he could.
We both stood in utter shock, processing what he had done.I held my face and
furrowed my brows at him. As if he dared to touch me.
"What the hell?" I exclaimed, reaching angrily for the handle.
He stopped me, grabbing my shoulders and slamming me up against the wall.
"Loga-"
"Shut the fuck up." He growled, his fingers tightening around my arms.
His eyes were dark and frustrated and I had no idea what to do. I would have
run my mouth at him, had I not been so terrified. He had never hit me, hell no
one had ever hit me and I never thought anyone would.
But the silence was killing me.
It was driving me insane because he just sat there staring at me, his nails
digging into my skin so hard that I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from
making a sound.
Several minutes had passed before I realised my lip had been busted, and even
then I didn't do anything because that's where he was staring.
I held my breath as he leaned in. Pulling away and shrinking, unsure at first
what he was doing. He pulled me away and slammed me against the wall again,
grinding his teeth. Looking down condescendingly over his nose at me, until I
got the message.
"L-Loga-"
He pushed my shoulders together, compressing my body until I couldn't move and,
leaned in, kissing me sloppily and without any emotion whatsoever except rage,
which I couldn't fathom.
He licked the blood from my lips, forcing his tongue down my throat, yanking me
as close as possible as he did.
"Logan..." I said, trying to push him away.
He grabbed my wrist and twisted it until I cried out, which he silenced by
continuing to kiss me. I didn't know what to do or why this was happening but
the only conceivable way I could think of to end it was to bite him, which I
did. As hard as I could.
"Bitch!" He shouted, hurling me to the ground with all his strength.
I curled into a ball and backed against his couch, watching mortified as he
sneered at me.
"Goddamnit Addison." He muttered, cupping his hand over his mouth.
He threw a vase across the room and began to trash his apartment entirely,
shouting and cussing at me. Throwing and tossing around everything in sight
until there was nothing left for him to destroy.
I watched him as he stood, silently. Breathing gently, staring at the ceiling.
After several minutes he turned to me and sauntered over.
I shielded myself and waited for him to hit me.
He didn't. Instead he breathed deeply, kneeled beside me, pushed my arms down,
and pulled me into a tight hug.
"I'm sorry Addison." He told me, "That won't happen again."
And I would have believed him, had it not been for the romantic way in which he
held me and the insincerity in his eyes when he pulled away.
*
Mom didn't believe me when I told her. No one else would listen. They thought I
was being dramatic and wanted attention. None of them even noticed how ignorant
they'd been until years had passed and they realized how standoffish I had
become. That one day changed my entire life, and I will never forgive him for
it. But it wasn't even close to the worst thing he had done to me.
That was an entirely different story of it's own.
***** Body Guards *****
"I don't know what the hell you were thinking." Jacob muttered, cornering mom
in the kitchen. Me and Anthony were on our way down the stairs. His arm was
around me, but it didn't touch me. He had tried to comfort me, but I'd shied
away and shook my head. Signaling that human contact was the worst thing for me
at that point.
"How dare you talk to me like that." She barked.
We couldn't see them yet but I could already envision her defensive stance.
Standing with her arms crossed loosely and her head drawn back as if she felt
like she was under attack.
"Why would you let him stay here?" He replied, and I knew he was mimicking her
stance sarcastically.
"I didn't ask. He overheard me asking Emily to stay and insisted he stay too.
What was I supposed to say? No?"
"Yes. Mom. You were suppose to say No. I can't even believe that you would-"
He stopped abruptly and relaxed when he saw me shuffle into view. Anthony
trailing slowly behind me. He led me to the sink. One made of stainless steel.
Something mom wouldn't mind if I bled over. In case my bloody nose stained the
marble sinks upstairs. Mom seemed even more agitated when she saw us and
demanded to know what had happened. And before anyone had even responded she
automatically began blaming me. Jacob told her to shut up, and though she was
flustered and offended, she did exactly that.
I waved Anthony away when he attempted to help me stop the bleeding and he
receded into the corner, where he tugged Jacob's sleeve signaling him to
follow. Mom attempted to join them, but Anthony shook his head and asked her to
leave. Politely. And mom would have fought, if Jacob had asked. But Anthony was
her favorite so she complied without question. Claiming she didn't need any
more drama anyway. Because her life was so damn hard as it was.
"What happened?" Jacob questioned, trying to remain as silent as possible. And
despite the running water, somehow I could still hear them clearly.
"How did you not hear?" Anthony snapped.
I glanced at them and he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. Turning
away slowly.
"I was a little preoccupied."
"Well maybe you should have been preoccupied with watching Logan."
"Well what the hell were you doing?"
He sighed and rubbed his brow, "I was arguing with Emily."
"Then you have no room to blame me."
There was a long silence. I slowly turned off the faucet and gathered some
tissue to plug my nose with. They both glanced at me.
"What did he do?" Jacob questioned, lowering his whisper even more.
"He roughed him up. That much is obvious, but I don't know and part of me
doesn't want to ask."
Jacob scoffed, but didn't protest.
"Twice Anthony. Twice already and it hasn't even been three days yet. We can't
always just be there in the knick of time."
"I know." He replied, almost snapping at him.
I slowly approached them, giving them enough time to wrap up their discussion
before entering it.
"Would you mind if, one of us, slept in your room...Addi...just as an uh,
precaution?"
Jacob asked, but I was looking at Anthony when I shook my head. He almost
seemed guilty. As if he knew I'd heard their entire conversation. I wanted to
say something, but I wasn't sure what I could have said. So I just sort of
stood standoffishly until Jacob escorted me back to my room. He changed the
sheets for me, as they had smeared blood on them, which was a nasty reminded of
his negligence.
"I'll have Maya grab me a mattress, and I'll uh..." He glanced around the room,
sizing it up before pointing to a rather open spot between a window and the
door, "Set up camp right there."
He gave me a weak smile, before entering the hallway. I stood in the center of
my room, watching him, just to ensure he didn't leave my sight. And after
summoning the maid and helping her drag in a fresh mattress, he laid down,
ready to put the day behind him. As if he had any idea what it really felt
like. To wish a day had never happened.
I laid on my bed, feeling the lingering presence of my brother. His cologne was
strong and pungent in the air. Stinging my sore nostrils and making my eyes
water. My throat hurt. I knew there'd be some bruising and that my eyes would
be mostly bloodshot by the morning. Not only by the lack of sleep but at the
oxygen deprivation Logan had initiated. My heartbeat was inconstant and my
breaths were ragged. 
This was going to be a long night.
***** Christmas Eve *****
I heard Jacob shift several times in the darkness, before the faint air of fear
summoned him to my bedside, where he gently tapped my shoulder.
"Addison." He said softly, waiting for me to turn my head to face him, "Are you
ok? Is there anything I can get you?"
I shook my head. An answer to both questions.
He nodded and sighed deeply, "I...I'm sorry Addi, I...me and Anthony
weren't..."
"I know." I mumbled.
Because I did, and because I didn't want to hear him say it. Logan's name. Nor
mine. Especially not in the same sentence.
He paused and looked me, in where I'm assuming he thought my eyes were, "Then
you know we're not going to be careless again. Ok?"
I nodded.
He gave me a faint smile, before shuffling back to his bed and laying down.
Relaxing with his fingers interlocked behind his head. Shifting lightly every
couple minutes to glance at me. I hated it. The fact that one of them had to be
with me. Just to stop, or at the very least postpone the inevitable. It made me
sick. And I didn't even realise I had fallen asleep until I felt Logan's hands
around my throat again after he emerged from the shadows. Choking me and
glaring into my eyes, as if daring me to fight him. And I did, frantically
thrashing around for air and attention from Jacob who was asleep.
"I have a present for you." he growled, digging his nails into my skin. His
smile stretching unnaturally and his face contorting into a terrifyingly
unrealistic mask that was unrecognisable. From his sides sprouted dozens of
hands, wrapping around my arms, pinning me down onto the bed. Yanking at my
hair, unbuttoning my shirt, sliding between my legs, and under and around me
until his wicked smile dripped down over me into a tsunami of kisses that felt
like snake bites. Fangs lodging into my skin. Piercing my veins and bones.
Making my muscles feel tight and hot. Making me shake, despite the grip upon my
entire body, holding me as tightly as I could be held without suffocating
completely.
I still fought, for no reason really, as I had no possible hope of breaking
free, until suddenly he burst into flames, his flesh melting off him like the
wax on a candle, dripping down, plastering him on me like a second skin. And
all I could see was the smile that was too prominent, too white, and somehow
too violent to ignore. All I could hear was the shrewd laughter emanating from
it, and all I could feel was the boiling liquid embedding itself into my pores.
Millions of hands brushing across flaming skin and his hands did not cease to
choke me. His arms dripped, like a fuse until he'd melted down to his wrists
and then his hands and fingertips. And once he was gone, molten over my face I
screamed as loud as I could. Begging for help, until Jacob shook me awake.
I was sitting upright. My throat hoarse and my eyes wide. Fixated on the empty
wall and the shadow from where Logan had emerged in the dream. Waiting for him
to step through the wall and kill me. But he didn't and as Emily and mom rushed
into the room, it became evident to me that I had not taken my medicine that
night. A fact Anthony had deduced as soon as I'd started screaming, as he
entered my room with two pills in his palm. Mom was going to rant at me but
after seeing the cold sweat and panic and utter horror on my face, she knew
nothing she could possibly say would phase me. Dad didn't bother getting up,
and Melanie could sleep through a hurricane. A trait she'd developed after
sharing a room with me during my Night Terror days.
After taking my medicine, Jacob rubbed my back, coaxing me back into reality.
My brain knew it was a dream but my heart and every other part of my body felt
that it had been very much a real experience. Emily lingered for a while, but
after Mom saw there was nothing she could do she retired to her bedroom.
Several minutes, and maybe even an hour had passed before I could finally hear
Anthony and Logan arguing in the hall and Emily trying desperately to pry them
apart. Jacob hugged me, trying in a failed and weak attempt to shield my ears
so that I couldn't hear them.
"Get the fuck out of my way!" Logan shouted, shoving Anthony who slammed
against the wall.
"Back the hell off Logan." Anthony replied, growling deeply.
"Both of you calm down!" Emily tried, and I knew she was, unwisely, trying to
slide her way between the two. Logan tossed her sideways. I knew, because she
gasped, followed by a thud and Anthony barked at him.
"Leave her alone Logan. And leave Addison alone too."
"Leave him alone? I didn't even fucking do anything!"
There was a short scuffle, followed by violent bickering and Jacob trying to
calm me down.
"In what backwards ass world can a guy not even comfort his brother?" Logan
demanded, rolling his shoulders back aggressively. Flaunting his height and
size.
"In a world where we both know that's not what you want to do."
"Enough!" Emily screeched, shoving them both against adjacent walls.
"You're both fucking scaring him so shut the hell up."
Logan glanced into the room, making brief eye contact with me, before I tucked
my head down into Jacob's shoulder. He was silent for several minutes. Trying
to calm down.
"Just. Let. Me. See. Him."
"No." They replied, in unison.
He growled and they both stood on offence.
"This is your fault." Anthony said lowly, thrusting his finger against Logan's
chest.
"How the fuck is this my fault?"
"How do you think you sick bastard?!"
Anthony lunged for him, and Logan was ready to take him, when dad suddenly
erupted from the hall, beyond infuriated.
"What the hell is going on?!" He barked, shoving both sons against one wall.
Flicking his eyes back and forth between them. Waiting for someone to explain.
"Addison had a Night Terror." Emily stated quietly.
He glanced into my room, watching as Jacob tried fruitlessly to comfort me.
"And what the hell are you two arguing about?"
Logan smirked at Anthony, knowing dad would pick his side.
"I was just trying to comfort him, and Anthony stopped me."
Dad's face contorted. Showing he was both confused and pissed at such a petty
argument awaking him from his slumber.
"Why won't you let him in?" He questioned, tilting his head at Anthony, who
glared at the ground, grinding his teeth. Knowing there was nothing he could
say.
"Get in there and do whatever. But if you boys ever wake me up again like that
I will call the police. It's Christmas Eve for God sakes."
He sauntered off, angrily, muttering to himself.
Logan gave a satisfied grin before stepping through the doorway.
"That's far enough." Jacob spat, cradling me, whilst glaring at Logan who did
not stop.
He shoved Jacob away and sneered, "Fuck off buckshot."
He reached out for me, but I would not allow those hands to touch me. I backed
frantically against the wall, kicking the blankets out from under me, grabbing
a pillow to use as a shield as I tucked myself into the corner. Staring, eyes
as wide as they would be opened, at a very shocked and very hurt Logan, who
became angry.
"Addison." He stated. Saying my name almost as if it was threat. As if he would
kill me if I didn't obey his command.
He gestured for me to come to him, but I didn't, I remained where I was,
clawing at the wall as if I would suddenly acquire the ability to walk through
it. Emily and Anthony stood behind him, surprised at my response and very,
deeply concerned.
I whimpered as he climbed over the bed.
"Addison." He growled, reaching out for me again.
I tucked my face into the pillow and shook hopelessly as he grabbed my hair.
"Logan!" Anthony yelled, as Jacob lunged for him.
Logan swatted him away with ease and yanked my head up. Puzzles and angry at
the tears staining my cheeks.
Frantic and afraid, I grabbed his hand and bit it as hard as I could.
He yanked his arm back before crawling farther.
"You little-"
"Back off Logan." Anthony ordered, his hand planted dangerously on Logan's
shoulder.
Fuming with rage, he flicked his eyes to him and his hand.
"He fucking bit me." He muttered.
Anthony stepped closer and narrowed his eyes, "Back. Off."
He did. Reluctantly, only by the force of him, Jacob, and Emily, who dragged
him into the hall. Where they argued with him, quietly, about his outrageous
behavior. I zoned out for the most part. Not wanting to hear what they said.
Until I heard Logan say something that made my skin crawl and my hands clasp
instinctively over my ears.
"I love him more than all of you."
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
No.
Not him.
***** Blind *****
"And I missed it?" She exclaimed, a little more gleeful than I was prepared
for.
"It wasn't exciting Melanie. It was terrifying and very painful to watch."
Emily scoffed, their footsteps slowly coming to a halt.
"I didn't mean it like tha-"
"Addison." Emily called, turning around. She almost caught me, leaning around
the corner to watch them, but I was confident she hadn't seen me.
Logan had gone out that night, after his outburst and hadn't returned, so
neither Jacob or Anthony were with me. I didn't expect them to follow me
around, and I really didn't want them to. I didn't want any of my siblings in
that house. They were reminders of the years I missed and the years I wished
had never happened. And just the fact that I needed bodyguards irked me. Made
me feel like less of a person.
"Addison come out." She demanded, gently, but still with determination.
I didn't. I just stood, shoulders pressed against the wall, shallow breaths
inflating my lungs. The air that traveled down my windpipe reminded me of my
sore throat, which would produce a hoarse voice, and the bruises that would
still be around my neck. I heard her step toward me, but I didn't move. I knew
Melanie would continue down the hall, claiming she was paranoid, and that Emily
would follow, so not as to lose her stake in the argument.
"There's no one there." Melanie mumbled, continuing.
Emily chased after her, grumbling lowly as I had predicted.
I wasn't surprised and couldn't really say I cared. Emily had not told Melanie
what Logan had done. Only that I'd had a night terror. She would know better.
Even something as grotesque and dirty as the secret my siblings kept, was
something she would bend to her will. Just to grab some attention. Melanie
wasn't a bad person, per say, she just had a hard time distinguishing
boundaries and taking things serious.
That was partially my fault. When we were kids, we shared a room, despite our
age gap, and whenever I had a night terror, she would have to wake me up, and I
would tell her what happened in the dream, which was always deeply concerning
and violent. So she learned to kind of just block out the bad things. And since
everyone was always concerned with my well being, she never got all that much
attention. So there was that too. But she had seven good years of attention
before I was even born, and Jacob had never been a favorite.
So I still didn't really understand her that well.
I knew she would figure it out, however. Even a ditsy dumb blonde like her knew
that Night Terrors were spawned by acts of violence or traumatizing
experiences, except for, of course, rare instances where the affected person
just has a couple screws loose. As a kid, mine had been caused by an attempt on
my Father's life. I'm still not clear about what really happened, but I was
told then, that it was a former employee who was laid off for something and
decided to take it out on the owner of the company instead of his boss.
Dad lived, obviously, but he had been shot and passed out for an extended
amount of time. I was about six or seven at the time, and I didn't know there
was such a state as, "Unconscious" and I thought he was dead. For several
hours, until he woke up, and I though he'd been brought back to life. I've
always had a very strange trust toward doctors, now that I think about it, and
that's probably why.
The man who had attempted to kill dad was shot in the head by the police, and
when we returned to the house to retrieve our clothes, so that we could stay at
a nearby hotel until the "Crime scene" had been evaluated, they were still
scrubbing his brains off the sidewalk. An image I will never forget. No matter
how many years pass. Anyway, my point is that I knew Melanie would find out.
One day. And I hoped mom had a hell of an excuse to use for my sister's
outburst when she would eventually reveal Logan's...sickness.
"Addison." He stated suddenly.
I jolted and turned around. Scratching nervously at the back of my neck when I
made awkward eye contact with my father who stood, relaxed, hands in pockets.
His expression was monotone except for faint hints of concern.
"Y-yeah?" I replied, shying away when he stepped forward and placed his hand on
my shoulder.
"Are you ok?"
I nodded and he pressed hard on his forehead, scrunching his eyebrows together
whilst sighing deeply.
"Your siblings nearly drove me mad last night." He grumbled, "Their...bickering
isn't good for anyone. I don't know why your mother decided to invite them to
stay. It's too crowded."
I nodded carefully, making sure mom wasn't within earshot as I agreed with him.
"Try not to forget your medicine again, ok son?"
"I-I won't." I said, smiling lightly at him.
He gave me a faint grin, before his expression relaxed, his features becoming
more confused. He no longer looked me in the eyes, and I wanted to step back as
he leaned forward, but remained where I was. Only flinching slightly when he
moved his thumb up along my neck, examining the slightly purple skin around it.
He parted his lips and paused, before shaking his head slowly and turning away.
"Tell your mother I'm going to the track." He told me simply.
"I will." I replied, watching him as he disappeared around the corner. Of
course he didn't say anything. Not that I wanted him to. It was just annoying.
When he saw something that was very obviously wrong, and acted as if he hadn't
seen anything at all.
Something everyone in my family had a talent of doing.
It almost made me wonder what it would be like to be part of another family.
Did everyone act like mine? Or was it just because we were all spoiled rich
kids and that mom was an egotistical maniac who's narcissistic behavior had
poisoned the wells of our brains since birth. I guess it was dad's fault too,
but how can someone ruin your life if they've never even really been in it? I
guess it wasn't all that bad. At least I had a mom. A dad. Siblings.
I couldn't even imagine what it would be like, if the only sibling I had was
Logan, and the only parent I had was Dad. Things would have been a hell of a
lot different. So I guess I can't complain too much.
***** Hide and seek *****
"Harvard!" Mom shouted, stopping briefly to ask if Melanie had seen him, as she
stormed down the hall.
"Where the hell is your father?!" She demanded, leaning into the doorway of my
room.
"A-at the track." I replied.
If you're wondering, "the track" is exactly that. A horse racing track, to be
specific. My dad didn't like animals, at all, and was often sort of afraid of
them, but he loved gambling with all of his rich friends against them. It was
his favorite place to bring his pipe. One carved out of an Elephant tusk.
Something highly illegal, but something he could get away with, as the man
literally stabilizing the economy of the district in which we lived.
"Why the hell is he going to the track on Christmas?!"
I shrugged and continued sketching. A distorted, melting face. Logan's,
distorted melting face. The one from my dream. I had seven notebooks. Each
color coated for a specific reason. My green one was full of landscapes and
trees and nature and such. My blue one was filled with 3-D sketches, most of
which incorporated water in one way or another and so on. I let my siblings and
parents skim through them, when they felt like it, and didn't care if they
invaded them. But not my black notebook. That one was filled with the things I
saw in my sleep. And no one touched it.
I knew mom was going to yell and rant about dad, and maybe even me, just
because she was frustrated, but she didn't, because when she peered over my
shoulder at my desk and saw which notebook I was drawing in, she knew to keep
her mouth shut. They all did. Even Logan. And I suppose I could have used that
to my advantage, but I didn't want to lose the safe haven by abusing it.
Anthony entered the room several minutes later, sitting across the room in one
of my chairs, reading a book so not to disturb me. I knew that meant Logan was
home, but I wasn't worried. Not because Anthony was there. Logan could beat the
shit out of Anthony without even flinching if he needed to. So his presence
didn't make me feel safe. The notebook did.
He did linger in the doorway, however, and Anthony had moved his seat closer to
me as if telling him to stay where he was. And he did. Not because Anthony had
intimidated him, but because of the notebook. He of all people knew how
important it was to me. He was the only person in the house who'd flicked
through it, and he was horrified at what he saw. So he kept his distance.
Careful not to disturb me and my fragile state of mind at the moment.
"New years is in six days." He stated.
Anthony glanced at me, before slowly responding, "So?"
"So what are we going to do? If I know anything about mom, she's got something
planned, and we might..."
"Stop it." He snapped, standing and ushering him to the opposite side of the
room.
"Don't talk about that stuff in front of him." He whispered.
"Anthony he can hear us whether or not we stand over here and whisper." He
replied, watching as I glanced back at them and nodded slowly to Anthony who
sighed and stepped back from him.
"He's been keeping his distance, but who's to say he won't try something after
the party. Mom isn't stupid enough to ban drinking, but she isn't smart enough
to monitor him. And good luck trying to stop him." He said, stepping closer to
me, but speaking to Anthony.
"Well I'd rather stop him sober than drunk." He replied quietly.
"Speak for yourself." Jacob mumbled, "At least when he's drunk he's
discombobulated to an extent."
"No he's not." I whispered.
They both looked at me, eyes hesitating to gaze into mine. Jacob rubbed the
back of his neck nervously and hunched his shoulders a little. I knew better
than anyone. Logan was just as dangerous, if not, more so when drunk than
sober. Because he knew exactly what he was doing. He just had an excuse.
"I didn't mean...I mean, I know...I just..." He stuttered frantically, trying
to correct his insinuation.
"Just drop it Jacob." Anthony mumbled, rubbing his temples, "What if we just,
make sure we're all always in the same room as dad. Lo-," he paused, glancing
at me, "I mean, he, wouldn't do anything if dad was there right? He's not
that..." He paused again, unsure how to finish that sentence.
None of us were.
"Just...don't go anywhere without us ok?" Jacob told me, making brief eye
contact before turning back to Anthony who watched me sympathetically.
"I won't." I said quietly, slowly closing my notebook and staring at my desk.
Wondering what it would be like to be a normal person. One who didn't have to
worry about their brother attacking them during a family gathering because he
was a sick twisted piece of shit. One who didn't have to pretend that they
weren't terrified of going to sleep.
"What about tonight." I questioned.
They glanced at each other before looking at me, "I completely forgot." Jacob
admitted.
Anthony stared at him, still at a loss for words, unsure what we were talking
about.
"Christmas." Jacob clarified, running both hands through his hair. During new
years, it was just us. During Christmas mom and dad invited everyone they knew
to our cabin. A lot of faces, and a lot of places for Logan to hide.
"He never comes to Christmas." Anthony argued.
Jacob glanced at me before replying, "He's done a lot of things he's never done
before. And he's obviously very pissed at us so if he decides to show, he won't
exactly warn us in advance. "
"We already established that we aren't going to split up. It'll be ok." Anthony
stated matter-of-factly, not sounding as confident as he pretended to be.
 
*
 
After returning form the track, dad decided to play a dignified game of poker
with his friends, up at the cabin, so they were waiting for us long before mom
had gathered us to leave. She was obviously irritated. Not only because dad had
skipped out on their annual lunch so that he could blow a couple thousand
dollars on a horse, because he was terrible at betting, but I also sensed that
she was still butt-hurt about what had happened with Amber. Dad never kept his
hands to himself, and come to think of it, neither did Logan.
"Mom, is it alright if I invite some friends? Kenny and Mariah are in town and
I haven't seen them in a while." Melanie asked, leaning over the counter-top
toward our mother, who was looking at the screen of her phone, very
disgruntled.
"Is it going to be just Kenny and Mariah?" She questioned, not even bothering
to glance up.
"Well..." Melanie began, she was infamous for twisting her words and finding
loop holes to situations she didn't like. For instance, she hated having to
attend a Christmas party full of people she didn't really know. Asking if she
could invite some friends, including Kenny and Mariah seems innocent enough
right? Except it wouldn't be. She'd invite about a dozen people and justify it
by saying, "Well you said I could invite some friends." to which mom would
reply, "I thought you meant just Kenny and Mariah." And Melanie would give an
innocent shrug. Pretending the whole things was a misunderstanding. And
normally mom wouldn't care.
Except she wasn't in the mood today.
"You can invite Kenny and Mariah but I swear to God if I see any other
teenagers getting drunk and falling in the pool, I'm going to have your father
cut you off." She muttered, rubbing her temples and closing her eyes. Preparing
for the argument Melanie would attack her with.
"Isn't that a little drastic?" She complained, "I mean, one, it wouldn't be
teenagers, and two, I wouldn't even invite that many people."
"No." Mom repeated, her jaw locking. Trying not to get any more irritated than
she already was.
"Come on, please? You and dad have all your friends there but I have no one to
talk to and all I do is just stand there getting looked at by dad's pervy
friends." She muttered, crossing her arms and pouting as if she were a small
child, attempting to win mom over with her charm and cuteness.
"I said no, Melanie, and if you have a problem with how me and your father run
things, then feel free to move out."
That stopped her dead in her tracks. Melanie was a smart girl, but she had
never excelled at math and was incapable of doing anything that required any
kind of mathematical skill. For instance her taxes and finances and everything
she had, was managed by dad and his most trusted associates. If she moved out
that support would be gone and she would find herself trying to do something by
herself for a change. And responsibility scared her. It always had.
Mom sighed and stood after several minutes, brushing passed Melanie to stand in
the foyer. She called each of us by name until we all stood before her. I had
been in the kitchen with them, but they had become so immersed in their
conversation that they had forgotten that I was there, and jumped when I
appeared behind them.
"That's four." Mom stated glancing at each of us, "Where are the other two?"
Anthony and Jacob stood on either side of me. We all glanced at each other,
making awkward eye contact, trying to figure out who knew what.
"I think Emily said she was going to be late." Melanie mumbled, unsure at the
validity of her own words. She never really listened to anyone.
"And Logan is still MIA." Jacob murmured.
Mom sighed again, exasperated and shrugged, "Let's get going then. The caterers
should be there already, but if you see any other vans coming up try not to ram
them off the road."
She turned around and took her keys from off the wall, "I'm assuming no one is
coming with me?" She mumbled, glancing back at us. When there was no reply she
shrugged again and slipped through the door.
"What is up with her?" Melanie muttered, arms crossed stiffly. Her nose
scrunched up and her lips pouted. Trying to make herself appear more angry than
she was.
"What Mel, did she refuse your request to invite friends? Was she afraid that
she would have to deal with a bunch of wasted teenagers?" Anthony replied,
scoffing.
She flicked her eyes to him and mocked him childishly, "Why does everyone think
I would bring teenagers?! I'm 23! Why would I want to party with teenagers?!"
"Oh come on Mel don't act so defensive. Everyone knows you run with a younger
crowd. No need to be ashamed of it." Jacob stated, attempting to dampen the
tension.
She made brief eye contact with each of us before staring at me.
"You don't think I'm irresponsible do you Addi?" she asked, almost pleadingly.
"No." I lied, uncomfortable at the eyes and attention that was now on me.
She smiled and grabbed my hand, yanking me over to her side, "Now it's a fair
fight." She stated, "Come on Addi, let's go."
She ushered me to the door and both brothers attempted to stop her, but she
held up a finger and raised an eyebrow threateningly like mom always did, and
they backed off. Not because of her, but because I nodded to them gently.
Generally assuming that Logan wouldn't be camping out in her car. As long as we
both arrived at the same time it would be like we were all still together
anyhow. Besides, I never thought I'd say it, but I had gotten sick of them.
Always peering over my shoulder to see one standing there. Awkwardly pretending
that they weren't just as uncomfortable with the situation as I was.
"We have to talk." Melanie whispered, interlocking our arms as we walked down
the pathway toward her car.
"About what?" I questioned quietly, glancing back, ensuring neither Jacob or
Anthony were in earshot.
She did the same, before looking into my eyes briefly.
"Logan." She stated.
I froze. Not physically, but mentally. She dragged me along to the car and I
got in, but all I could do was just stare blankly at the road ahead. Thoughts
racing through my mind at the speed of light. If Melanie knew, soon the whole
world would. She could never keep her mouth shut. And I would be at the center
of it all. Mom would stay as far away from it as possible and dad would try his
best to stay out of it completely. Meaning I would be on my own. The fallout of
such a scandal would be immense, and knowing my family, they would want nothing
to do with it.
So when my hands became clammy and my stomach sank I began to wonder what he
would do. If he found out that she knew his deepest darkest secret. Would he
force her into silence? Would he threaten her? Hit her? Do something monstrous
or evil or twisted? Blackmail? Abuse? Maybe even...
Murder?
***** Busy Bees *****
"Do you think he would hire me?" She asked, startling me from my thought.
I glanced at her, furrowing my brows at her in confusion.
"What?" I stuttered, unsure if I'd heard her right.
"Do you think he would hire me? I mean...I kind of want to me more than a
model." She looked at me dead in they eyes and flashed me a look of warning,
"Don't laugh."
I shook my head. Of course not. Why would I laugh at that?
"I knew I could trust you. I'm not...I'm not good at this...working. I know
that sounds...kind of, hmm...wierd I guess, but I mean, if I'm going to switch
careers I want it to be with someone I know, and I can't work for Anthony
because that would be like degrading myself down to welfare status. He'd be
such a bitch to work for, I mean, have you met him? And Jacob, well I'm not
even going to start on Jacob. Both of them would make my life a living hell.
Emily works for Dad, and Dad would never hire me unless I proved myself, so
that only really leaves Logan. Do you think he would hire me? I mean we've
never been that close, but I have a chance right?"
I stared at her, nodding absentmindedly. What on Earth was happening? Did...did
she know? Or, or had she just scared the absolute shit out of me just because
she wanted to actually do something with her life for once. I almost felt
angry, but knew if anything, I should have been relieved. After all, the secret
was safe. And that made me sick. Wanting to keep what he did to me, a secret.
"I'm sure he would think about it." I told her reassuringly.
She dropped her head back on the seat and sighed, "Thanks Addi. I want to be
more than just...a ditsy blonde ya know?"
I nodded to her and breathed deeply. My heart-rate gradually slowing and my
hands not clenching so hard. I stared down at the moon shaped grooves in the
balls of my palms. Eyeing the indentations as if they would tell me something.
What, I didn't know. But I needed something to focus on. My brain was filling
dangerously close to the brim with "what if's" and I was scared of what would
happen if I thought about it too much.
"Are you alright?" She asked, glancing at me, before slamming on her brakes and
honking at a car that swerved in front of us. They exchanged fingers. She even
went as far as to roll down her window and lean out of it, the gesture raised
high in the air in case they couldn't see it.
I watched in amusement. Melanie had a reputation of being someone who didn't
care about literally anything. Which was why she was so bold as to flip someone
off like that, as an internationally famous model. Something the media just
gobbled up. A picture of her leaning out the window with a blurred fist would
probably in the paper tomorrow or on the news. And she didn't care, which I
almost thought was funny.
"Hey." She stated, waving her hand in front of my face so that I would focus
back in on her, "You ok?"
I nodded slowly and shrugged.
She pursed her lips and shot me a sympathetic look, "I mean, I know you had a
pretty bad Night Terror last night. That hasn't happened in a while."
I gazed out the window, almost hoping she was smart enough to put it together.
"It's probably just stress huh? I mean, neither of us are use to having a full
house anymore."
I sighed. No. She really didn't know. "Yeah." I mumbled.
She glanced at me before making a left hand turn into oncoming traffic. A
stupid move on her part as we were nearly rear-ended by a truck that was
blazing through the light, trying to make it through. I heard about five cars
honk at us, and somehow, Anthony's voice as he shouted "Melanie!" from behind
us. Screaming out the window at her.
She giggled and shrugged innocently, "Whoops."
I curled my fingers under my seat, holding it with determination. Wondering
what other kamikaze stunts she planned on pulling before we arrived at the
party.
"I guess I'll drop you off before I go pick up Kenny and Mariah." she told me,
weaving through the narrow street as the car made its climb up the mountain.
"Ok." I replied, remembering her strange friends.
Kenny was very renown in the fashion industry. He wasn't gay, or transgender,
in fact he was a very aggressively straight male, but he rarely ever wore
clothing designed for men, and was infamous for walking the runway and
strutting in women's clothes and heels. No one was really sure why, not even
him, I don't think, but he just really enjoyed dressing like a woman. Mariah
was the exact opposite. She almost always wore a suit wherever she went, and
was also decidedly mute. She took the vow of silence at some point for a reason
that was never explained to me, and she only spoke through sign language, which
Melanie knew, but sucked at. Mom hated both of them with a burning passion. She
had no problem calling them wierd and revolting. To their face. But they didn't
care.
I never talked to them because I didn't know them that well, and they belonged
to Melanie's entourage, but aside from the initial shock of first meeting them,
I surmised that they were fairly decent, if not normal acting people. Even if
they didn't appear to be.
Anyway, we arrived a couple minutes before Jacob and Anthony, and I had managed
to stall Melanie until they arrived, unable to force myself inside without my
bodyguards. Lest Logan be waiting for me.
And as I heard mom screaming her head off at one of the poor caterers, charged
with organizing the food, I knew this was going to be a long Christmas.
***** Claimed *****
"I told you to put the entrees in alphabetical order on the menu! What the hell
is this?! I paid all of you nearly half a million dollars for your work and
this is what I get?! I cannot believe this!" She screeched. Her booming voice
rattled the windows, and if I didn't know any better I'd be afraid that she
would break them.
"Mom!" Anthony called, halting her as she caused the woman before her to burst
out into tears.
She turned, her features softening, but only slightly, "Good, you're here. Help
me maintain order around here."
"What's going on?" Jacob questioned, cocking an eyebrow at her heaving chest.
She was considerably more angry and it was hard to tell why.
"Your father decided to show up early, plastered, and he shattered the fourty-
thousand dollar chandelier in the living room. I sent your brother out to order
a new one, and I paid these caterers an extra grand each, to pick up the damn
pieces, but instead they presented me with new problems that your father is too
drunk to attend to! If you'll excuse me, I have to fix this before our guests
arrive."
She stormed off angrily, shouting and stomping through the cabin like
everything she said was a matter of life and death. Jacob and Anthony both
sighed and looked at me.
"I'll take care of the chandelier." Jacob muttered.
"I'll get dad." Anthony breathed, both of them walking lazily to attend to the
conundrums which they faced.
I'd have helped, but knew I would only get in the way. A lack of speaking
usually gets me in more trouble than it's worth, so I just sat on the couch,
waiting silently until someone would tell me what to do.
The cabin was huge. Nearly half the size of our house. It was one story but
consisted of an array of rooms that could accommodate approximately a hundred
guests, which it would, tonight. Out back there was a giant pool about a fourth
the size of a football field. Next to it were three hot tubs, each about as
large as a small living room. Commodities that would be used and abused tonight
by the friends Melanie would inevitably invite despite mom's disapproval.
Melanie never really did take mom's threats seriously. Besides she always felt
a little more rebellious when in the company of Kenny and Mariah.
I would likely spend the entirety of the party, standing in the corner with
Jacob and Anthony, awkwardly drinking punch and avoiding conversation with
strangers. These Christmas parties were famous for getting out of hand. By the
end of the night instead of having a bunch of dignified rich people drinking
champagne out of fancy wine glasses, it would be more like an American college
frat party. One the attendants would spend the rest of the new year trying to
forget, until next Christmas. When they would rinse and repeat.
I was actually fascinated by how consistent things were in my family. How I
could guess what was going to happen long before it ever did. Everything was
always so constant. So organised. Emily must love that, and I admit I kind of
did too. Except for the one thing I could never really predict and the only
wild card in my organised deck.
Logan.
"Hey there Addi." Emily stated, sitting down beside me.
I glanced at her and gave a weak smile.
She looked stressed, more tired than reasonable. She was usually very organized
and well put together, but her hair was unordinarily messy and her eyes had
dark circles under them. It reminded me of the first few days after, it,
happened and she checked on me just about every five minutes to make sure I was
ok. And I pretended I was asleep, and she probably thought I was, but I wasn't,
and truth be told it made me feel good. That she cared that much.
"How are things?" She questioned, "I mean...how are you, uh...holding up?"
Typical Emily. Filling the place of a mother, because she was probably the only
responsible person in our family, besides of course dad, but he was never
really around us long enough for that to matter.
"I'm ok." I mumbled, looking her in the eyes as reassurance. But I could tell
once I saw that flicker in her irises that she didn't believe me. Her features
contorted and she took a deep breath, leaning forward and glancing around to
make sure no one was in ear shot, "He's a disgusting pig, Addison. He's a
filthy, disgusting, dirty pig." she said.
My eyes widened a little, unsure why she was telling me what she was.
"He doesn't deserve to be alive, and I swear to you, one day he's going to pay
for what he did. Does. I swear it."
I stared at her. Wondering why now all of the sudden she felt the need to
assure me this. Her words meant little to me. I guess I was a hypocrite and I
know I should have told someone other than my family what had happened, but she
hadn't either. None of them had, and even if they claim to hate him or
disapprove of him or whatever, they must still claim some loyalty to him.
Otherwise he would be behind bars right now. Not buying mom a chandelier.
"I know." I replied.
Almost amused at her display of emotion. Yeah sure Emily, he shoved you a
couple times, maybe cussed you out. You heard what he did but you didn't see
it. You didn't feel it. If anyone had the right to call him a pig or anything
in the like, it was me. She had no idea. She couldn't even comprehend his
insanity. She didn't know what it was like to be afraid of him. To fear him.
Not really. So I didn't care about her promises, she just made them to make
herself feel better. To feel as though maybe she wasn't guilty in this
situation.
But she was.
We all were.
Especially Logan.
 
*
 
The party was more or less exactly what I expected. Anthony and Jacob were more
than a little exhausted by the time it started, having had to bob and weave
between chores mom charged them with. And after hearing her voice for just
about as long as I could take I began to realize how smart dad had been. To get
plastered. That way he wouldn't have to listen to her. Or do anything. Because
even if my dad was the richest man on the planet, he was still very lazy. And
he seldom participated in anything that required him to actually physically do
anything. Anyway, it was boring. The party. I stood, fairly close to the front
door. Away from most of the guests and in clear light. Making sure no one could
sneak up on me. I found myself becoming paranoid. To the point of jolting each
time I saw a face that very well could have been Logan's. Flinching every time
Jacob or Anthony moved. Tapping my foot nervously until a loud scream and
splash echoed through the woods, cracking through the windows so violently that
I almost fell. Both of my brothers abandon their posts immediately, sprinting
through the crowd of people that was quickly gathering around the patio door. I
followed after several seconds of hesitation. Tip toeing into the darkness and
standing near the hall which led to the billiard room. Where dad was. Hoping I
wouldn't have to bust in and demand his help should I need it.
They almost drowned. Both of them, in fact had it not been for my brother's
swift actions and responses, they might have died. Two girls Melanie had
invited, and I knew there would be hell for her to pay after this. Mom was
furious, I could tell that much as soon as she came stomping past. Making her
way to the kitchen so that she could call an ambulance. It was strange, how it
happened. Sudden, almost as if it was planned or spontaneously done just for
the hell of it. And had they been a little younger, maybe a little more drunk,
I'd have believed that they faked it for attention. That they wanted to be
saved by my brothers who were argued as being some of the most attractive men
in the world. It would have made sense, and I wouldn't have questioned it. But
when I felt his presence behind me, and saw his shadow cast dully along the
wall beside me, and I felt his warm breath brush along my hair and down the
back of my shirt, I knew better.
"I have a present for you." He whispered, leaning forward into my peripheral
vision to make sure that I saw him. Knew he was there.
I jolted at his words and backed away frantically. I wouldn't let him do that
to me again. Not like this. Not on Christmas. Not when he was sober...when he'd
remember it. When he could torture me with it for the rest of my life. He'd
known what he'd done, but he didn't really...remember it, per say, and I knew
that because knowing him, if he did remember, he'd never let me forget.
"Oh, no, shh, shh, don't panic, I'm not going to hurt you." He whispered,
gently placing his hands on my shoulders. Looking me deep in the eyes with a
calm, refreshing gaze that promised peace and serenity. A gaze I almost wanted
to believe in. That I wanted to trust. But I knew better.
"I knew they wouldn't let me near you unless I distracted them..." He
explained, "So I paid a couple of Melanie's actor friends a couple grand to
fake drowning."
He gave me a suppressed smile. As if he actually felt guilty for what he'd
done. As if that's what he should feel guilty for. He took a step forward,
closing the gap between us a little bit more. Creeping up as I desperately
pressed myself against the wall. Staring at him wide-eyed, waiting for him to
do something.
"I wanted to give you something." He told me, raising his eyebrows innocently,
as if hurt by my stiffness and ever growing fear, that I knew he could smell.
Like a goddamn bloodhound. He reached into his pocket with one hand, flashing
me a glance of warning as I attempted to move, scanning the area to find the
best route of escape.
"Here." He smiled, grabbing my hand softly and placing a small box into my
palm.
I glanced down at it and he waited patiently for me to unwrap it. I took my
time. Hoping one of my brothers would appear from around the corner and punch
him in the face so hard that they'd knock out at least one of his stupid
perfect teeth. Forever ruining that mocking smile that kept me awake at night
to think about.
I opened it slowly, revealing a small bracelet made of thick leather and string
woven together into a braid full of dull colors. Colors that you would see on a
rainy day. Colors that fit me and my personality, I suppose. It was a nice
piece, aside from an awkward chain that wrapped around the whole thing rather
sloppily, which had a thick round bead at the end of it. He waited for my
reaction, leaning closer and closer as the seconds passed. I stood frozen.
Wondering what this was. Some kind of offering? Was he apologizing? Was he
actually being nice? What was his play? What did he want? Aside from the
obvious.
"I-it's nice..." I managed to stutter, giving him a weak smile as he chuckled
in agreeance. He instinctively dropped his hands down onto my hips and leaned
forward. He was going to kiss me on the lips but I managed to turn my head in
enough time for him to barely graze them. Instead planting the peck on my
cheek. Something that irritated him, I knew, as he suddenly became rigid. But
obviously it didn't bother him enough for him to make a scene about it. Instead
he took a deep, calming breath, and lifted my wrist, slowly knotting the
bracelet around it.
"I have one too." He told me, rolling up his sleeve briefly so that I could see
it. It was almost exactly the same, aside from the thickness and length. His
wrist was much larger than mine.
He smiled when I looked up at him, my eyes soft and scared. He brushed his
fingers tenderly along my face and blinked almost as if he was in a state of
euphoria.
"I figured you wouldn't want a ring, wouldn't look good on you." He mumbled,
leaning forward and gently nibbling at my ear, "So I figured this was the best
alternative."
He kissed my neck and pulled away to gaze at me, "I want everyone to know
you're mine. Anthony, Jacob, all of them. They can't keep me away from you. I
promise."
My eyes welled with tears and he chuckled softly, pulling me into a tight hug,
one that was calm and comforting, as appose to possessive, and claiming, which
was what I usually got. I almost didn't want him to let go. I missed having my
brother. One that cared about me, and loved me, but...just not in the way he
did. I began to wonder what it was that made him the way he was. At what point
did the affection he felt for me turn into...this. This, horrifying, insane,
psychopathic obsessive love he smothered me with. And why now was it so strong.
Before, it was just corning me at parties, which I guess hadn't changed, but he
had never been this aggressive, when sober, at least, and he never showed how
much he...wanted me. At least not so blatantly and obvious.
"I love you." He whispered, gently petting my head with one hand, and holding
me against him with the other, "I love you."
I wanted to pull away, or scream, or run, but all I could manage to do was
stutter out something that scared me.
"I-I love you too." I replied.
And I meant it. At least, I loved the old him. The rebellious brother that
taught me exactly how to push mom's and dad's buttons and took me for joy rides
whenever he got a new car and helped me put together puzzles when I was board.
The one I knew before it happened. Before...before he did it. But not now. And
I couldn't tell you if in that moment I was feeling nostalgic enough to forget,
or if I had said it to please him, because to this day, I'm not entirely sure.
But after what he had done to me, how could he really love me? And how could I
ever love him back?
***** Drowning *****
Three days came and went. The routine had become rather irritating in all
honesty. Glancing over my shoulder to see both of my brothers, instead of just
one, because after I had told them what had happened, because how could I not,
they figured the safest bet to ensure I wouldn't be cornered again, was to have
two guards. Anthony also suggested that I burn the bracelet, in order to show
him he didn't own me. A gesture I knew wouldn't go unpunished, and luckily,
Jacob agreed. If not, I'm sure Anthony would have taken it in my sleep and done
exactly that. Because even if I loved Anthony, he could be a real idiot
sometimes. I think what they didn't seem to grasp, was that Logan was willing
to cross the line. Far more than they were. They could pretend to play dirty,
with their white cotton gloves, but they could never roll around in the mud
like he does.
They think that he won't hurt them. Like when you taunt that kid at school, and
they threaten you, and you call them on their bluff. And in front of everyone,
they have to back down, because they aren't crazy enough to stab you in the
neck with a pencil like they claim they will if you keep teasing them. They
think it'll go like that. That he's a bluffer. But he's not. He's the crazy kid
that would drag you out into the play yard and curb stomp you until you learn
your lesson. He's the kid that would show up to school with a gun the next day.
He's the person you hear about on the news. The one that makes you think and
wonder; how could anyone be so twisted? How did no one notice? And the truth
is, they did. They just didn't believe it.
As soon as Logan did what he did, I realized it. That he wasn't the kind of
person you wanted to play poker with. He counted cards, and he bribed the
dealer. Logan did not play fair.
"C-can you wait outside?" I asked quietly.
Both brothers stood like sentinel guards in the doorway of the bathroom.
Watching as I reached down to remove my shirt. They'd slowly begun to lose
trust in the simplicity of things. It almost seemed as though they expected
Logan to be literally everywhere. The first day, they'd spent down the hall a
ways, then they stood in the doorway, and now they demanded to keep their eyes
on me the whole time. As if he was going to pop out of the shower and attack
me. Which...honestly wouldn't surprise me, but I mean, he wasn't that stupid.
They were paranoid, which made me uneasy because after what he had done, if
anyone should be paranoid, it's me. But nothing had really happened. Other than
that I would catch Logan's eye as he watched me walk past, flashing me a quick
glimpse of his bracelet as if non-verbally telling me, "I love you."
Which made me cringe. And I wished I hadn't said anything back that night. I
wonder if he knew I said it out of fear, or maybe he sensed that I meant it,
just in a different way. Or if he's delusional to believe that I would still
love him after what he did, and continues to do.
Anyway, instead of responding, they both simply closed the door and turned
around so they couldn't see as I stripped. But that wasn't good enough. Before,
when I was younger, it might not have mattered to me if someone saw me naked,
but now, everything was different. Even if the eyes that would see me, wouldn't
be his, it wouldn't be enough to dull my fear. I'm not sure if by now you can
deduce what he did. And if so, I'm sure you'd be able to figure out why I can't
say it. It's an ugly word. A sickening word that makes my stomach curl up
inside me and my head pound. And if you still, by this point can't figure out
what I'm talking about, good. That means you have no experience with it. You
don't know how to identify it or it's victims, and I applaud you. I wish I
could be so lucky.
I stood in the shower to strip. Pulling the curtain out and tossing my clothes
over it. I couldn't let them see me. No one had really seen me after it
happened so none of them saw the scars. Scratches and...bite marks...and other
things that no one needed to know about. I didn't want to answer their
questions and I didn't want to add fuel to the fire.
I'd been taking longer showers recently. Not for any reason in particular,
except, I guess, that it was the only place I could go to be alone. Not
anymore, however, as it seems that Logan has taken over that simple aspect of
my life too. Oh well. It didn't stop me from remaining under the scalding water
long after I'd finished cleaning myself. It was comforting. The boiling water.
As it brushed over me. Each stream sticking into my back like a million little
needles. Steam rolling through the air and fogging up the mirrors. Somehow it
just made it easier to breath. I think I could have fallen asleep in there.
Maybe without even needing to take my medicine.
But unlucky for me, that was the one luxury I couldn't afford. Or rather, my
parents wouldn't allow. Emily had once tried it, in the form of a bath, after a
hard day at work and it had infuriated my mother for some reason. Anyway, we
were banned from spending any more time than necessary in the shower. The only
exception to that rule, to an extent, was me, because Mom hated telling me no.
Not because I was her favorite, or because she liked me at all, but because in
my time of need, instead of acting like a protective mother, she acted like a
shivering coward and even if she's a heartless wretch, I think she still feels
some form of guilt deep down in that empty void of hers.
But maybe I'm just bad at reading people.
I don't know anymore.
All I know is that there are several ways I imagine my death each night. In my
dreams. Either from suffocation, falling from a very high place, being beaten
to death, being shot, being stabbed, being poisoned, being chopped into little
pieces whilst on horse tranquilizers, all heinous acts carried out by none
other than Logan. All of which terrified me. But if there was one way that I
wouldn't mind dying, it would probably be drowning. Even if he was the one who
held me under.
And I'm not sure why.
 
*
 
"What?" Jacob spat. Eyebrows furrowed and face contorted at the absurd
celebration dad had decided upon.
"Yes, Harvard, what?" Mom chipped in, crossing her arms.
Dad rolled his shoulders back and lifted up his nose as if to remind both of
them whose house they were in, "I think it's a great idea, and that's what
we're doing." He glanced back and forth between them, "And there's not going to
be a debate about it, am I understood? The Christmas party was a bust..."
"Which was entirely your fault!" Mom argued, growling lowly at him, as if to
remind him whose house they were really in.
"Never the less..." He continued, glancing nervously at her whilst taking a
small step back, "We're going out. This family is made up of shut ins, and I
won't stand for it any longer. I know it's partially my fault..."
"Partially?!" Mom barked.
At this point, the rest of us had gravitated toward her. Standing like a legion
of lazy warriors who didn't want to get dressed and go out, with hunched
shoulders and weak expressions. Dad noticed the shift immediately and called
upon his white knight to save the day.
"It was suggested to me and I agreed! My God Ivy, you can't blame me for
everything!" He breathed, exasperated.
She glanced behind her, counting us to see which one was missing. And she
closed her eyes when she realized who it was. Holding her breath for several
seconds before releasing it and turning back to him. Of course; who else would
it be?
"Well, gee, I didn't think you'd fight over it." Logan mumbled, appearing
suddenly in the doorway behind dad, who nearly jumped out of his skin at the
sudden soft voice. He whipped around and gestured at him.
"Logan heard about it, and he suggested we go. I don't know why you're all
making such a big deal about it."
"Because we don't want to go." Melanie muttered.
"Dad come on..." Anthony began, before making brief eye contact with the devil
himself who smiled wickedly. His eyes burning with amusement as he froze and
stepped back from the debate.
"We aren't kids anymore, we can decide for ourselves." Emily stated, trying to
rile us back up. Somehow just the mere mentioning of Logan had shut everyone
down, but she didn't help, because we all knew better than that. If dad told us
to do something, we did it. Questioning it and hating it just made it harder.
This argument would only end one way, and we all knew that, I just think there
was a lot of pent up anger, and this was the only reasonable way to release it
without revealing the actual reason for it.
A flurry of curses and violent outbursts followed her weak suggestion of
independence which was shot down by both of my parents. By dad, mater-of-
factly, and by mom so sarcastically that dad actually thought she was agreeing
with him. Which made even more of a fight because she claimed he was ignorant
and never paid attention to her. Somehow dragging Amber into the conversation.
Which dad claimed was irrelevant, and my siblings scrambled to interject at
both opposing sides. For no reason really. And after several minutes it
occurred to me that the only two voices I didn't hear, were my own, and
Logan's. Who stood, still in the doorway, arms crossed, staring directly at me.
Still with that smile. Still with those eyes.
"Why don't we let Addi decide." He stated suddenly.
Everyone stopped talking and turned to him.
"What?" Dad questioned, halting everyone who attempted to speak over his
favorite child.
"Well, it seems to me, that Addison is the only one, out of all of us, that
never really has an opinion on anything. And I think that's maybe because we
never allow him to have one because we're too busy bickering amongst each
other. He's the youngest after all." He told us simply, never breaking eye
contact with me as he did.
They all looked at me and dad shrugged, "I guess that makes sense."
"Of course it does." Mom muttered, "Anything that comes out of Logan's mouth
makes sense to you."
"What's that suppose to me-"
"My God, will someone just make a decision? For once in my life I actually
agree with Brother dear over there. Addison, say something." Melanie sighed.
Tilting her head and looking at me with uninterested eyes.
"Thanks Mel." Logan chuckled, the cold air in his voice sending shivers down my
spine.
She shot him a weak smile before the attention again resided on me. I
instinctively looked at the ground and my face burned red. Embarrassed as I was
still unsure as to what the conversation was really even about.
"W-what was the, the suggestion?" I questioned quietly.
Logan stepped toward me, eyeing Anthony and Jacob who didn't move to stop him.
Knowing, or rather, hoping he wouldn't do anything in front of dad.
"I was just thinking that instead of staying home all day on new years, like we
do every year, that we should go do something. Namely; go to the circus. I
figured since it's just opening up we'd be able to swing a private showing. And
the fair is setting up around it too." He stepped closer and leaned against the
wall beside me, "Whadaya think?"
All eyes were on me. If I said no, I would aggravate not only my father, but
Logan, both people I didn't want to be on the bad side of. The rest of my
siblings would be irritated, and mom might give me the cold shoulder, but hey,
what's new. He was counting on me saying yes. Why else would he have asked me
to make the decision? Or was he counting on me saying no? But then why would he
suggest it. The wicked gleam in his eyes when Anthony had objected, however,
proved he had a plan either way. So hopefully if I didn't piss him off now, it
wouldn't be so bad later...whatever it was.
"O-ok." I mumbled.
A chorus of sighs echoed through the hall and mom scowled at me. A big smile
curled onto his lips and dad seemed satisfied, "Then it's settle." He stated,
"We're going out for new years."
"Against our will..." Emily muttered.
"Come on Em..." Logan smirked, "It'll be great. I'll get to have fun with all
my siblings. You, Anthony, Melanie, Jacob..." He paused and turned to me before
tilting his head, "Addison."
"Sounds like you speak from experience." Jacob spat, his face contorting into a
mask of rage. Anthony put a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to hold him
back.
Logan grinned and narrowed his eyes, "What are you implying?" He questioned.
His irises flicking with amusement. Daring him to say it. Forcing him to back
down.
Dad stood expectantly in the hallway, arms crossed, feet shoulder width apart.
And mom stared at him. Almost begging Jacob to say something. To tell everyone
what she couldn't. To finally admit the ugly truth about our monstrous brother.
Dad's, monstrous son.
But he didn't say anything.
I didn't expect him to.
I'd grown past the delusion of hope.
***** Top of The World *****
Anthony refused to get up. Him and Jacob were silently boycotting the whole
thing. And Jacob would have staid home if I staid with them. But he, unlike my
other brother, hadn't forgotten the promise he'd made to me. Even if I knew he
couldn't keep it. No one could keep Logan away from me. I'd made my peace with
that. At least all I had to do was suffer until new years was over. Then he'd
be back off to Florida, because even if he was dad's favorite, dad didn't
always want him around. So he wouldn't let him stay. That I knew. And mom would
harass dad even if he did, which would make him kick Logan out. Either way. I
knew it wouldn't be forever. And the chances of Logan kidnapping me or
something like that, were slim. I mean, in a way that would be like turning
himself in.
Melanie was the first one out the door, she was jumping up and down because
Kenny had told her he would join. Something Dad allowed because if he'd said
no, she'd have staid home too. We were to be in pairs. Dad and Mom, Melanie and
Kenny, Logan and Emily, and Me and Jacob. I don't know how Jacob managed to
swing that, without Logan objecting. Which made me paranoid instantly, because
Logan didn't even bat a lash. He didn't care, which was a very bad sign. What
did he have planned? What did he want? God this was getting so surreal.
Everything since the day he came had just been absolute hell. Hoping to God and
praying nothing would happen.
"I'm not going on any of these filthy rides Harvard." Mom muttered,
sidestepping past a loose popcorn bag that bounced past her, followed by a man
dressed as a clown who gazed awkwardly at Kenny before passing us. Melanie
screamed when she saw the man and sprinted to the first light she could. It was
late. About eight. We'd gone on an adventure which started at the cinema where
dad had mom's favorite movie (Gone With the Wind) played so that she would
forgive him. She did. But she was acting like she didn't.
Kenny Jogged after her and I found it remarkable how well he was able to
maintain his balance in heels that were quite literally and quite practically
stilts.
"I don't expect you to Ivy." Dad replied, "I've never trusted Carnival rides
anyway. Too many people die on them, and I'll be damned if that's how I go
out."
Mom slapped his shoulder at that and he shouted, "What?!", like he couldn't
figure out what he'd said.
She responded by grumbling and turning her head away from him. I wasn't going
to touch that with a ten foot pole. None of us were. Usually someone would make
a snide remark about their bickering but somehow it just didn't feel right in
this situation.
"That tent o'er there is the one you're lookin' fer" An Irish sword swallower
told us as we passed. A slight hint of disdain in his voice. Mom had made the
selfish request that all of the "Odd looking" Carnies stay inside, because she
was afraid of them. And of course the owner allowed it, because dad paid him a
significant bonus to just humour her the best he could. The Irishman spit when
we were far enough away, solidifying my suspicion.
I'd never been to the circus. At least, not that I could remember. I'd heard of
them, and watched scary movies about them, but I'd never actually been there in
person. So when I paused and gazed in at the bright lights and magnificent
stage set up under the center of the gazebo, it not only made my father
chuckle, but my mother even smiled a little bit. It reminded me of when I was a
kid. When we actually did things instead of stay home all day complaining about
how bad our rich lives were because they were so terribly boring. Ok, I guess
that was more of my mother, but Melanie did it too sometimes.
The show was over in an hour but dad demanded they keep it going for a couple
hours more. Suggesting that they practice their acts, just so that we could
watch. And they did. The lions and elephants and other animals made me jolt
each time I saw them. It was strange. Knowing that Logan wasn't the most
dangerous thing in the room anymore, and thinking back it makes me wonder if my
smile had been in amusement, or in the sadistic wishing that either the tiger
or elephant would tear him apart. Maybe it had been both.
Melanie wasn't really paying attention, and Emily pretended as hard as she
could that she wasn't interested. But every now and then I'd see that childish
glow, and her arms would unfold just slightly. As she watched in awe of the
tightrope walkers and jugglers and clowns and everything she saw. Logan didn't
do anything. He didn't make a sound. His expression never changed, and his eyes
barely moved, except to glance over at me periodically, before glancing away.
It made me uncomfortable. In a sense that he wasn't trying to get closer to me.
Or angry that Jacob was sitting beside me instead of him. Did he not like me
anymore? Should I be happy or afraid? Did I piss him off somehow? Was he giving
me space?
I couldn't figure it out, and the more I thought about it, the more the smile
slowly began to drip off my face, and the features before me no longer held any
wonder. Just like everything in my life, Logan ruined everything he touched.
It had been Logan's idea to get on the Ferris Wheel during the announcing of
the new year. So we started walking over when there was about ten minutes left.
So far the night had been ok. Better than I had expected. There was little to
no drama, aside from my parents constant bickering, but that was a given. It
wasn't until I stood in line fore the ride that Logan weaseled his way to the
front with me. Putting his hands on my hips and guiding me into the cart. Jacob
attempted to stop him but dad barked at him. Claiming it wouldn't hurt anybody
if we switched up partners. And for the first time in my life I wanted to punch
my Father in the face. And he deserved it.
Everyone who wasn't Dad or Melanie watched solemnly as he sat beside me,
glancing at them and raising an eyebrow as if they dared challenge him.
They didn't.
 
*
They took us up slowly, the metallic clinking and slight breeze, the only sound
for what seemed like miles. Birds fluttered around us, ducking and souring up
in random patters. Sometimes dropping this way, or that. Never consistently
remaining in one place more than a couple seconds. I found it calming to watch
them. To trace their small figures bob and weave in the dark. The lights were
slowly coming into view. The suburbia in which we lived was fairly small.
Mostly full of the rich and pampered who rarely left the safety of their
hundred acre estates unless it was to walk the red carpet or flaunt their
fortune. However, what we did have, was The Teller Estate Tower. Old man
Teller, was very influenced by the building of the Eiffel tower back in 1887
and had a replica built, with a few modifications, to suit his own desires.
Throughout the generations, it had been lit up every year on new years in
remembrance of the day he died.
It was fairly tall. Approximately half the size of the real thing, and was very
easily visible from where we sat at the very top of the Ferris Wheel. Before
we'd gone up, the operator had told us that there were five minutes left until
the new year came. As soon as the words left his mouth I had begun counting. By
the time we were at the top, I was at four minutes and twelve seconds. Holding
my breath and closing my eyes once we stopped. Gazing out into the darkness.
Due to the request of my father, the lights had been turned off, so that the
lighting would be more dramatic, which I suppose Logan had suggested. Because
now no one could see us as he wrapped his arm around me. Pulling me against him
and laying his head over mine.
"You've never been to the circus have you?" He asked me.
I took a shallow breath and shook my head. He chuckled and rubbed my arm,
gently nuzzling his head into my hair.
"I remember the day you were born, dad took us. He had a day off and even
though mom harassed him the entire time, claiming a pregnant woman shouldn't
have done that much walking, he had a great time. Melanie was terrified of the
clowns, and Emily wanted to be an acrobat for a couple years after that.
Anthony couldn't be bothered to care, and Jacob sat on Dad's lap the whole
time, asking a million questions instead of watching. I...I was in awe. There
were so many talented people, doing things I knew I would never be capable of
doing. Even if I trained my whole life...And you..." He paused, kissing my
head, stifling a laugh, "You came kicking and screaming hours later. Mom went
into labor as soon as the Lions came out. Dad rushed her to the hospital, and
to our dismay, took us with him. Mom swore up and down that you were the last
child she was going to have and there wasn't going to be a fight about it. Dad
was fine with that, but, I think that's why we haven't been to the circus
since. Mom's kind of held a grudge."
I watched the birds again. Staring off into the distance. Trying not to melt
into that story. Every word that he said. Trying not to feel the fragment of my
heart that wanted to forgive him. To forget that it had ever happened. To just
forget everything he had ever done and start over. Believing that things would
be different. He's changed hasn't he? I mean...it's been a while since he's hit
me. At least a couple days. And as long as I don't do anything to piss him off
I should be fine right?
"You've never heard that story have you?" He asked, looking down at my hand,
rubbing his thumb along my palm softly. Playing with my fingers as he placed
gentle kisses on my head.
"N-no..." I mumbled. Mom never talked about me, or my birth or childhood.
Anything pertaining to her motherly duties, other than carrying me for nine
months, something she liked to point out a lot. Especially when her horrible
parenting was made an issue. Logan was the only one who ever reveled in the
adventures of our childhoods. And I actually kind of liked that about him. It
made the other parts a little easier to get along with.
"I figured it was a little symbolic." He stated, interweaving our fingers.
Holding my hand as tight as he could, "Not sure why though. Just made sense to
me I guess."
I sat in silence. Wondering what he meant. What he wanted. Why was he being so
nice to me? Why now? I don't understand. And I don't really want to understand.
Maybe he's changed? Seen the error in his ways? He's being good, and relatively
calm, for him, but...for how long? When is he going to snap? And what is he
going to do when he does.
"Happy new years baby..." He whispered, yanking me from thought as the tower
burst into about a million twinkling lights in the distance. He slid his hand
up under my chin and turned my head to kiss me. I didn't stop him. I didn't
fight or try to move away. I just sat frozen, absentmindedly aware of the grip
he had on the back of my neck. It was harsh. A warning, in case I decided I
wanted to pull away. But slowly, it softened as he realized I wasn't trying to.
Good. Stay happy. Don't hit me. Don't hurt me. Don't argue with anyone.
Just...stay happy. I wouldn't be able to take it if he did it again. If dad or
Melanie found out because I didn't just let him do what he wanted. God, why was
this so hard. Why couldn't I have been born normal?
When he released me, he glanced up, catching the eye of Jacob, who was peering
down at us. Disgust riddled across his twisted features. Sympathy cracked in
his faint irises and Logan smiled at him as he pulled me closer, nearly into
his lap, and slid his hand down between my legs. Making me squirm and shift
uncomfortably. Making Jacob grind his teeth and jut out his jaw, rotating it
furiously as Logan tilted his head. Still with that cocky grin of his plastered
on his face. He continued to gaze at the tower, the air about him softening and
his grip on me becoming softer. More gentle. He removed his hand once Jacob
looked away and apologized to me. Something he had never done before. What the
hell was going on. And why.
Suddenly the fear I felt for him crept back into me and I became stiff. He
didn't seem to notice, and I was glad. He's only nice when he wanted something.
That's just his way. He's a dick. Don't forget that. Don't forget what he did.
Don't forget how fucking bad he hurt you. He is not being nice. He is not being
calm. It's an illusion. You have to see past it. You have to save yourself from
him.
Because God knows no one else will.
***** The Long Ride *****
Despite the car ride only being about five minutes, give or take, I managed to
fall asleep about halfway there. I was exhausted for some reason. I hadn't
slept much the night before and I guess staying up past midnight hadn't helped.
I was told that Logan carried me in and placed me on the couch. Jacob and Emily
would not let him take me upstairs, and dad wanted to celebrate anyway. He
unlocked the wine cellar and brought a couple bottles up. A few wary glances at
Logan showed their concern, but no one dared stop him when he poured himself a
glass. When I woke up my head was laying in Emily's lap and classical music
gently coaxed me out of my soft dreaming haze. She pet my hair gently and
stared down at me. Concern and sadness in her eyes.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, when she saw me open my eyes, "I'm sorry we didn't
fight harder, I mean, I know how hard it must be for you to be around him..."
I turned away. Letting her know I didn't want to hear it. Because I honestly
was tired of hearing it. That they understood. That they wanted to help me. But
if that were true, it wouldn't have become a secret. I would have never had to
see or hear or feel him ever again. He'd be rotting in prison, or hell for all
I care. But no one ever did anything. And if they understood, they would have.
They'd have done something.
She bit her lip and gazed out the window, "He left." She told me, "But I don't
know if he'll be back."
I glanced at her. Good. Then you and Anthony and Jacob will leave and
everything will go back to the way it was before any of you even came. Thank
God. Then I can spend the rest of the years I'll be alive trying to forget this
experience. Everything Logan ever did. Everything they allowed Logan to do. And
I know it's wrong to hate. But in that moment I hated her, and I wanted her to
know it. So I stood, shoving her away when she tried to hug me or comfort me.
"Goodnight." I muttered. Stomping up the stairs, ignoring my parents who yelled
at me as I did. Throwing myself into my bed and crying into my pillow until I
couldn't cry anymore. And I don't remember falling asleep, but I guess I did.
And I really wish I hadn't. Because then maybe that night wouldn't have ended
the way it did.
 
*
 
I woke up to a smoke filled room. An orange light radiated from my hall and the
black fog reaching up to the ceiling was blinding. I could barely open my eyes,
and all I could hear was a crackling from beyond the door and what sounded like
muffled screaming.
"Addison!" came a distant call.
I coughed, and scanned the full two feet of room I had to see what was around
me. The figure by my window was vague and almost unrecognizable. It jerked and
yanked violently, but it didn't really move from where it was. I rolled to the
edge of my bed, hacking in the smoke and ash. Holding my breath as I attempted
to see through the haze.
"Addison!" The voice shouted. It sounded much closer and I found myself
shifting off of the bed and blankets towards it.
"H-help..." I croaked, making my way slowly to the door, clawing desperately at
it. Lifting myself weakly, reaching for the handle. My hand gently brushed
against it and I screamed as the heat from the brass knob scorched my
fingertips.
"Addison?!" The voice called, drawing closer.
The door opened slowly, and I looked up at the figure which held what looked
like a scarf over their nose and mouth. They scanned the area before looking
down and jolting when they saw me.
"Addison!" They cried, lowering their hands and scooping me up in their arms.
It was too dark for me to see who it was, and their voice was slightly muffled,
but I knew as soon as he touched me that it was Logan. He held me tightly and
jogged down the hall, weaving back and forth through the house which was
quickly coming apart. I realized then that what was happening was not a dream.
My night terrors were often very realistic and very terrifying, but this, this
was real. I clung to him instinctively and buried my head into his chest as he
navigated his way through the building.
I heard screams and frantic pounding, but he didn't stop. He ran as fast as he
could until we were safe outside, where he placed me on the ground gently.
Kneeling over me as he pulled down the scarf. Revealing the thick line of ash
across his eyes and the bridge of his nose. He panted and his eyes searched me.
"Addi..." He whispered, shaking me gently, "Addison."
I wanted to respond. To shove him away and pull him closer at the same time
because I was both terrified of him and what was happening and I just wanted to
feel safe but I didn't know how. So instead I just stared at the mansion before
us which was engulfed in flames. Everything I owned and loved was in that
house. Everyone. I scanned the area around us frantically and saw that no one
had gotten out except for us.
"M-mom..." I whispered, sitting up and shifting to my knees so that I could
crawl toward the door. So that I could try to save them or do something.
"Emily! Jacob! Anthony! Melanie! D-dad!" I screamed, falling weakly as I tried
to stand. He sat on the ground behind me and pulled me back down against him,
wrapping his arms around me as I fought and shouted and cried. Sobbing as the
sirens slowly climbed up the hill.
"Shh..." He whispered, "Shh, it's going to be ok..."
He held me tightly, whispering in my ear. Attempting to calm me down as I
frantically fought him. Several minutes passed before a handful of firefighters
rushed in with axes and gas masks and oxygen tanks on their backs. A little
while later and the entire house was surrounded. News Helicopters hovered
overhead and cops were blocking off the area. Attempting to remove me and
Logan, but I would not move, and Logan wouldn't let them touch me.
I think that was the first time, and the only time I ever saw, or heard Logan
cry. He held me like he depended on me being there, and he cried softly into my
shoulder like I was the only person he trusted enough to hear him.
***** Changes Over Night *****
*As I'm sure most of you have heard, the Divitiae Mansion went up in flames
earlier this week. The cause has not been determined, but Police Chief Admirez
has speculated it was likely caused by a blown gas valve. Mr. and Mrs. Divitiae
were both killed in the fire, as well as their daughter Melanie, and son Jacob
who died tragically after being pulled from the flames. Currently in critical
care, Emily Divitiae who has low chances of survival, and Anthony Divitiae,
twin brother of Melanie, who was placed under a medically induced coma to treat
his wounds. It's expected that he won't wake up for several months to years.
Miraculously, however two sons are unharmed, aside from minor bruising and lung
damage Logan and Addison the eldest and youngest of the children, escaped
before officials arrived. They are now the center of attention, as Mr.
Divitiae's will is to be read next Sunday at his funeral. As the richest man in
the world, one can only wonder what this reading has in store.*
Logan turned off the T.V. once he felt me shift in the bed. But it was too
late, I'd heard everything. It had been five days since the fire. We'd already
been questioned and taken in as officials decided what to do with us. It was
speculation that the fire had been arson and that someone was targeting us, so
we were placed under witness protection. Logan took care of most of the legal
matters, but the best he could do as far as comfort was ensure we would spend
the remainder of our time until the hearing and reading of the will, in a hotel
not too far away from the police station. We had two bodyguards outside our
door at all times and two more in the lobby. As well as Logan's personal guards
who were littered all throughout the hotel, keeping an eye on everything.
"How long have you been awake?" He asked, gently placing the remote down on the
table beside him.
I faced the wall and my eyes watered. I'd lost everything. Everything.
He sighed and stood. Walking to the side of the bed, giving my shoulder a
reassuring squeeze before walking into his room to get dressed.
He'd left me alone for the most part. Giving me space as we dealt with
everything. But I wondered how long it would take for him to take advantage of
the tragedy. I was fifteen. He was my legal guardian now. And I was fucking
terrified, because there was no one to stop him now. He could literally do
whatever he wanted to me and there was nothing I could do to stop him.
"I'm going to head down to the police station and see about the details for
tomorrow ok?" He said, kneeling beside me.
I nodded and he waited for several seconds before breathing deeply and
standing. He took his car keys and hesitated only a few seconds before exiting.
He came and went a lot. He had a lot more to deal with than I did, and I almost
felt like I should have thanked him, but I wasn't about to thank Logan for
anything. Not after what he had done. And I didn't care how nice he pretended
to be, because I knew it was temporary and I would not fall for his caring
demeanor.
I laid staring out the window for almost an hour before I stood and walked to
it, gazing down at the city and the vans and people gathered outside. Reporters
and fans of Melanie who wanted to know what was going on. Fangirls lined the
blocks, there for moral support. Holding up signs that conveyed their
condolences to both me and Logan. It was awful having something like this
happen, but it was even worse being famous because no one would ever leave us
alone about it. Twenty years from now, or more, and still, everyone would know
about the Divitiae tragedy. One day it would blow over. But never forever.
I stood trying to remember what the last words I'd said to everyone had been.
To dad, the last words I had said were probably 'I'm sorry', 'thank-you',
'yes', or 'no' because we didn't talk all that much and most conversations I
had with him ended with those words. To mom I had likely said something like,
'how do you sleep at night' or 'I dare you.' because whenever she talked to me
it was usually about Logan. To Emily, last words had been 'goodnight' and to
Anthony they had been, 'thank-you." For attempting to protect me from Logan. I
couldn't remember what I had said to Jacob or Melanie, but either way it
wouldn't have been the words I wanted. I then regretted all the chances I had
to say 'I love you' but I never had, because in my family we just didn't do
that.
I drank a lot, surprisingly. Mostly when Logan wasn't home, but I think he
still knew when he came back from the scent around me. It was too tempting to
ignore the wine and vodka and whiskey in the fridge because when it burned my
throat and made my eyes water it made me feel like I understood their pain just
a little bit more. And I felt like I deserved it, because I was alive. And they
weren't. And the whole world was going to miss them a hell of a lot more than
they would miss me. Melanie, Jacob, Emily, Mom, Dad, they were all important.
They did things, whereas I just hid out in my room most of the year trying to
forget what Logan had done to me. And I wanted to blame him for everything, and
I very easily could have, but instead I just blamed myself. Drinking myself to
sleep nearly every night. And Logan didn't stop me, because I think somewhere
in there, deep down, he felt bad.
 
*
 
Dad left everything to Logan. Well, nearly everything. Half of his earnings
were donated to charity, but since all my siblings were either dead or about to
be, he inherited nearly half a trillion dollars as well as any business tie he
had ever drawn. I inherited a couple million, but it would be Logan's until I
turned eighteen. Two years from then. I was suppose to go to the reading, in
fact I was obligated by law, but somehow Logan had weaseled his way around it.
Claiming I wasn't mentally well enough to attend, which wasn't necessarily
untrue. I didn't care about what my father had left behind. Only that he had
left and even if he only said about a thousand words to me in my entire life, I
still missed him deeply. As well as the rest of my fucked up family. The people
who barely cared about me at all. And I wished I had died in that fire.
We visited Emily in the hospital. She was blind, and severely burned all over
her body, but she was alive, and even though I couldn't recognise her, I still
loved her. She wouldn't be able to leave for several months, maybe even a year
because of how horrible her injuries were, but I was ok with waiting. Next we
saw Anthony who was a vegetable. They said he would never wake up, and that he
was practically dead. That Logan might as well pull the plug but I told him
that if he did I would kill myself. And I'm not sure if he believed me, but he
refused either way. He coddled me a lot during that time. He would avidly avoid
anything that would upset me, like going to visit them which he waited nearly a
month to do, until I had stopped crying every night. But even then, he asked me
about twenty times before we actually went.
It was about mid-February when everything had settled and we finally returned
to Logan's house in Florida, where Amber stood waiting for us.
"Welcome home." She stated softly, smiling weakly at me as I shuffled past her.
Dragging my suitcase behind me slowly. She reached out to touch me, maybe give
me a reassuring pat on the back, but her arm slowly dropped as Logan hissed at
her.
"Space." He growled lowly at her, following behind me.
"I'm sorry." she whispered, trailing beside him.
"Did you make up his room?" He asked.
"Yeah, it's been ready for a week or so. Just like you said."
"Good."
I glanced back at them and they stopped talking. He was already becoming more
aggressive, but I hoped it was only because Amber irritated him, and not that
he was already falling back into the person he was before anything had
happened. My room looked relatively similar to the one I had, had in the
mansion. From the sheets on my bed to the curtains and desk by the window. I
knew he had designed it to make me feel more comfortable, but I didn't want to
be in that room because all it did was remind me of what I'd lost. Of course, I
couldn't tell him that.
"Make yourself at home." He said, "My room is next door and Amber's is down the
hall."
I glanced back at him and he gave me a light smile.
I sat and stared at the ground. This was going to be my life now. Living in
this house with him. For two. More. Years. But at least Amber would be here.
Even if she didn't do anything, at least I wouldn't be alone. I'd have someone
to talk to right?
"Come on, Addi, family meeting." He stated, leaning into the doorway. Amber
stood beside him, biting her thumbnail nervously. Her arms crossed and her
shoulders kind of hunched. I stood and stepped into the hall. He put his hands
on my shoulders and led me into the living room, where he sat me on the couch
by the fireplace.
"Base rules." He began, after Amber had seated herself beside me, "The garage
is off limits. I do a lot of work down there and there are a lot of dangerous
things lying around. I don't want anyone getting hurt. Second rule, if you're
heading out, let me know in advance. Third, do not open the front gate for
anyone but me. I don't want any reporters or cops or anyone in here ok? Not
unless I say so. That clear?"
We both nodded and he eyed me. Amber slid slowly away from me and glanced at
him. As if afraid that she was sitting too close to me. He walked to me slowly
and knelt in front of me. I shrank back into the cushions and pressed my legs
together. Watching him skittishly as he grabbed my hands and looked me in the
eyes.
"I promise I'm going to find the bastard that did this." He told me. His tone
angry and almost hurt. His voice seemed ready to break and his eyes were sad. I
had never seen him like that and even though I was deeply afraid and angry I
almost felt bad for him.
I nodded to him, hoping he would let me go, because the longer he lingered the
more I began to shake and the more I wanted to cry. He leaned forward and
stood, kissing my forehead before gesturing for Amber to stand. She did and he
wrapped his arm around her, "We're going to go for a little bit, but we'll be
back in a little while ok?"
I nodded and he smiled.
Leading her to the door from which they left.
And I sat staring at the tile beneath my turned in feet that was polished to
perfection. Still feeling his lips on my skin and his presence beside me.
Something that I would have to get use to because it wasn't just around the
holidays anymore and it wasn't just around my birthday, it was going to be year
round. And it was going to be my life. For two. Years.
***** Blind Rage *****
When they returned, Amber took to the dining room. I hadn't moved, which
concerned Logan, as he slowly gravitated toward me.
"Are you alright?" He asked, making me flinch at the hand he brushed against my
cheek.
I nodded and leaned away from him shyly. He stood silently for several minutes.
scratching at the back of his neck because he didn't know how to comfort me. He
hadn't taken any of this nearly as difficulty as I had. Because why would he
care? He hated our family. Except, maybe dad. But that was only because Dad
never told him no. Either way, he was inexperienced on consoling people. So he
just kind of drifted away. I heard him and Amber talking quietly, but I
couldn't make out what either of them were saying.
"Addi, would you come in here please." He called after several minutes.
I slowly stood and shuffled toward the kitchen where Amber was setting out a
variety of Chinese food boxes. She glanced at me shyly, forcing her eye back
down to the ground when Logan glanced at her.
"I figured take out would be a nice break from all the rich people food." He
joked, stiffly pulling out a chair and gesturing to it. I inched toward him,
almost unsure as to whether or not this was a trap, until I dropped gently into
the chair. He dropped his hand on my shoulder and I flinched. Something he
seemingly took offense to, as he sort of glared down at me. Clearly frustrated,
his grip hardened and his features contorted.
Amber quickly took action as he began to part his lips, by gently touching my
hand, her fingers wrapped loosely around my own. Caught off guard we both
glanced at her. Logan's frustration intensified and he grinded his teeth
together as he watched her.
"Do you want me to make your plate...s-sweetheart, or, or do you want to make
your own?" She seemed to struggle as she spoke. Each word gradually becoming
more expediently said and more quietly murmured. I almost wanted to ask why,
but when I saw Logan's eye twitch in my peripheral vision, and his fists clench
I knew she was trying to help me. In some way.
"I-I'll do it..." I replied, taking the empty plate she offered.
She smiled at me and her hand trembled as she retracted it, slowly dropping
herself back into her seat. Squeezing her eyes shut for several seconds.
Pressing together her lips and taking a deep breath before daring to make eye
contact with Logan who was a rigid as he could possibly be. He gave her a
sarcastic smile before seating himself beside me.
"Thanks for taking the initiative Amber." He muttered, narrowing his eyes at
her as she glanced skittishly at me.
"I just want you to feel at home here...A-Addi."
"Addison." He spat, "You call him Addison."
He locked his jaw and licked his teeth as if forming vile words in his mouth.
Something dad sometimes did when he was especially angry. Right before he was
about to cuss someone out.
"I-I don't mind what she calls me...Logan." I said quietly.
He blinked and suddenly his eyes were on me. Amber shook her head stiffly, her
eyes widening. She mouthed something to me, but I didn't dare break eye contact
with him to see what it was.
"I do." He stated simply. The anger slowly melting away, bit by bit as he
watched me.
I nodded, bowing my head and reaching out hesitantly for a box. He nudged one
my way and started on his own. Piling his plate high with chow mien and beef.
Gorging himself animalistically as he tore apart each piece of meat. Neither
me, nor Amber looked at him. Both our eyes were fixated on our plates. She had
slightly more food on hers than mine, but she wasn't eating any of it. Just
gently pushing it back and forth across the plate.
"Eat." He ordered, pausing to look at me.
I flushed and began chewing numbly on a small piece of orange chicken.
Absentmindedly aware of his obnoxious eating. He wasn't normally this loud. I
knew he was doing it on purpose, but I wasn't sure why. He was trying to annoy
us both. Maybe rub it in our faces that we wouldn't say anything. Couldn't, say
anything, rather.
"T-that's an interesting bracelet Addison..." Amber mumbled lowly, as if
purposely attempting to hide her words from Logan, who shot her a warningful
gaze.
"L-Logan...Logan gave it to me." I replied, hesitating as he turned his
attention to me. I smiled lightly at him. He smiled back and held out his hand.
I stared at it for a couple seconds before reaching out for it and slowly
dropping my palm into it.
"Oh!" She exclaimed, "Logan has one just like it. I knew they looked similar."
Her eyes widened insistently at me, but I didn't understand what she meant. He
didn't look at her. He wasn't listening to her anymore. He gazed intently at
me, a soft grin curling up on his smug face. I held my smile as much as I
could, pressing my lips together and widening it when I felt my lips tremble.
She flicked her eyes back and forth between my bracelet and his, but said
nothing. She tipped her head toward him and even pointed briefly with one of
her chop sticks before he glanced at her and she stopped. Her hands shaking and
her breaths seemingly ragged.
"It's getting late." Logan said suddenly, "Why don't you head off to bed baby."
Amber slowly began to lift herself but he hissed at her and nodded toward her
seat.
"I wasn't talking to you." He muttered.
He turned to me and held my hand tighter, "There are towels under the sink and
in the cabinet in the hall, if you want to take a shower. There should be clean
clothes for you in your room."
I nodded and he released me. Gradually pulling his fingers apart to free me.
"Night Addi." He told me.
"Goodnight Addison." Amber added.
"Shut the fuck up." He muttered, under his breath as I entered the hall.
*
Amber's POV
"Are you trying to piss me off?" He growled, leaning over the table menacingly.
His irises flickering with rage. His fingers tapping frantically on the wood
surface before him.
"No, I-"
"What the hell was that about? I told you. I told you never to touch him. Never
fucking touch him. He's not yours to fucking touch!" He shouted, standing
abruptly, knocking his chair back onto the ground. His fists clenched and his
posture stiff. His shoulders heaved and I think he might have thrown the table
across the room had we not heard a sudden clatter emit from Addison's room. His
expression softened slightly and he stepped toward the hall. No. Stay away from
him, you sick freak.
"Are you ok Addi?" I called out.
Logan turned to me and glared so hard into my eyes that I feared they would
burn out of my head entirely.
"Y-yeah I...I'm fine!" He replied. Barely loud enough to hear.
"Don't fucking call him that." He spat, "How many times did I fucking tell you.
Every damn day, I called you and I gave you three fucking rules..." He
approached me in a huff, yanking me up by my arm and dragging me down the
stairs into the spare bedroom below. Out of earshot of Addison, "But
apparently, you're fucking deaf!"
He slapped me as hard as he could, holding me in place so I wouldn't fall.
"Let's go over them again then shall we?" He asked hysterically, his bone
crushing grip pressing into me hard enough to bruise my skin, which was already
fading into a light purple.
"Rule number one!" He shouted, throwing me to the ground, "Never fucking touch
him. You don't have that right, you will never have that right!"
He threw his foot into my stomach and I choked on the breath I'd drawn,
coughing and cradling myself as he paced the room.
"Rule number two! Don't fucking call him Addi. That is what I call him. No pet
names either you fucking slut. He's mine. He's not yours. Do you understand?!"
I gasped desperately for air as he knelt beside me, grabbing a fist full of my
hair to lift up. He lowered his face down into mine and snarled at me, "Don't
make me repeat myself, bitch."
"I-I understand..." I whimpered, catching myself only too late and he threw my
head back down. Slamming my forehead into the hardwood floor below.
"And Rule Number three." He stated lowly, "Never. Fucking. Mention. The
Bracelet."
He yanked me back up by my collar and stared at me. No remorse laden in his
eyes as he gazed into my blurry eyes.
"I swear to God Amber, if you break one of my rules again, I'll break your
Goddamn neck. He doesn't need you around. He needs me. You are only here out of
the kindness of my heart, and for my personal convenience. Do you understand?"
I nodded, still dazed, and biting my lip as hard as I could so that I wouldn't
cry. He hated crying. He thought it was pathetic. No matter the cause.
"Now get the fuck out of my sight."
He tossed me sideways, and I managed to catch myself before I collapsed,
leaning up against the wall by the exit.
"Get out!" He roared, tossing a vase at my head as I slipped out the door.
My heart raced as I stumbled down the hall. Holding my stomach weakly. Treading
carefully through the building until I'd reached my room. I hadn't meant to
upset him. I hadn't meant to make it harder for him. For Addison. I was, I was
trying to help. To warn him. He had to know what was coming. He had to know.
***** The First Night *****
Addison's POV
I hoped that the longer I remained in the shower, the longer Logan had to cool
off. It didn't occur to me that he might have been hurting Amber, or that he
could hurt me weather or not I was in the shower. Something I quickly realized.
At least if he took out his frustration out on me once I finished, I'd be fully
clothes. But at that moment I was naked and vulnerable and I frantically yanked
the curtain back after turning off the faucet and dried myself off. Scrambling
to get my clothes on before the door could open. But it didn't. And I stared at
it for about twenty minutes before I gathered the courage to step through it.
I heard the water running in the kitchen and the clattering of dishes, but
wasn't able to tell whether it was Amber or...him. I tip-toed toward my room.
Staring intently at one of the doors as I walked. I wasn't sure whose was
whose. There was a light emitting for beneath it. Obviously one of them was
inside, but which one? I walked slower, spreading out my toes on the hard wood
to dull the sound of my steps. My heart rate increased gradually until I was
involuntary hyperventilating. I had wrapped my hand around the door knob when I
heard the water turn off and watched the light under the door go out. Dead
silence. Pitch blackness encapsulated me and I felt as though I had gone both
blind and deaf at the same time.
I could feel the threatening start of a scream crawling up my throat. I could
feel the air scraping my esophagus as I inhaled. My heart pounded and I felt
ready to collapse. I gently pushed the door open. Fearing that the monster
wading its way through the dark would hear the sudden sound and attack. I
stepped through, but didn't feel any safer. That room was a sullen reminder of
what I'd lost and the moonlight that snaked its way through the curtains only
made the image more eerie. I nearly jumped across the room when I felt his
presence behind me. His hands as they gently placed themselves on my shoulders.
Dripping down my arms before taking up a firm grip on my biceps.
"You tired baby boy?" He asked, his voice coarse and cruel. It nipped at my
ears. Taunting me and letting me know that I had absolutely no where to run. No
one to call for. He loved that power. Knowing that I was all his, and even if
he was trying to be gentle, I could hear his voice betraying him.
I nodded, pulling my shoulders together and shrinking beneath him. My eyes wide
and fixated on the bed he slowly began to drag me toward. The sheets were
fresh. Obsessively washed. Maybe five or more times in a row. The strong scent
of detergent made that apparent. The pillows were fluffed to perfection, and
the mattress was much bigger than my original. Obviously, it had been intended
for more than one person. My eyes filled with tears as the horrifying thought
that those sheets wouldn't be fresh for long slithered it's was into my brain.
"Lay down Addi." He told me. My knees had locked and my feet had planted
themselves less than a foot away from the bed, but I was frozen. I could not
move. I would not move. I shook, pathetically. My body becoming rigid as he
pressed himself against my back. As he lowered his head into the dip of my
neck.
"What's wrong baby?" He asked, kissing me softly. His hands finding themselves
wrapped around my waist. My heart pounded in my ears.
*Bum Bum...Bum Bum...Bum Bum*
"Lay down." He repeated, lowering me down onto the mattress.
*Bum Bum Bum...Bum Bum Bum...Bum Bum Bum...*
"Close your eyes." He ordered, his hand brushing down and over my hair. He
touched me like a china doll he was afraid of breaking. His fingers dripping
down, here and there, his breath hot yet making me feel colder. His eyes that I
knew were tracing me. Taking in every feature he had never had the time to
admire. As one of our siblings would have likely stopped him by now. Or
discovered where he was. I knew, however, that there were other things on his
mind. He wanted it. Me. I could practically hear his dick throbbing and as his
roving hands became more firm and as he inched toward me I knew it. I knew what
he was going to do.
*Bum Bum Bum Bum....Bum Bum Bum Bum...*
He laid over me, the hard bridge in his pants resting between my legs. Pressing
down against the top of my thighs.
*BumBumBumBumBum....BumBumBumBumBum*
He ran his tongue up the nape of my neck and I bit my lip, twisting my fists
into the sheets beneath me. Stiffing the tears that showed no sign of stopping.
He slowly turned me over and lowered himself again. Sucking and biting at my
neck. His arms firmly placed on either side of me. This continued for several
minutes, the biting, the licking, the sucking, until he slowly lowered himself
down the length of my legs and shoved my knees apart.
*BUMBUMBUMBUMBUMBUMBUMBUMBUM*
"L-Logan!" I gasped. Frantically pulling myself back up into the headboard.
Yanking myself into a ball. Hyperventilating and sobbing, my chest heaving and
my entire body trembling. His eyes were wide but he said nothing. Did nothing.
Just stared at me.
"Addis-" he began, reaching out for me.
I whimpered and pulled farther away.
He lowered his hands and instead held them up in surrender.
"Ok..." He said, "Ok, we can take it slow, I'm sorry...that was...too quick...I
wasn't thinking. I'm sorry."
He crawled toward me and I buried my head into my knees. Hugging them, jolting
when his hand fell over my arm.
"I'm sorry, baby." He told me, wrapping his arms around me, "I won't force you
to do anything ok? I promise. I promise. We have all the time in the world."
He kissed my head repetitively, his arms tightening and his body relaxing over
mine, "My sweet baby..." He said,
"My baby boy..."
***** The Morning After *****
He hummed quietly. He lay on his side, brushing his fingers along my face.
Tracing my lips and eyes and cheeks. His breathes were calm, almost relaxing.
Every now and then he leaned in to kiss me. Teasing my lips with his own. I
tried my hardest to stay asleep, but I knew that sooner or later he would
realize I was awake. And maybe he already did, but I didn't want him to do
anything just yet. This calm stroking and kissing was enough. If that was all
it ever was I might even enjoy it. No. I would never enjoy it. I would tolerate
it, I suppose.
Luckily, after a couple minutes he got up and left. I'm not sure what he did or
where he went but I took that as an opportunity to scope out my surroundings. I
stood and peered out my window. Scanning the ten foot wall that surrounded the
property. There would be no way I could jump it. And I don't even know how to
open the front gate. Fuck. It had taken us several minutes before we even saw
the house once we drove through the gate, so obviously, it was far away. And I
wasn't in the best shape to run. Maybe Amber would help? She was clearly trying
to tell me something last night...but what? What was I missing. I glanced down
at my bracket but saw nothing out of the ordinary about it. What was she trying
to tell me. That he has claimed me by giving it to me? No shit. I knew I
wouldn't be able to ask her with Logan around. But I didn't think I'd ever be
allowed around her, alone. So I was stuck. I'd have to wait for an opportunity
or settle with the fact that this was my life now.
I didn't want to do either one. But alas. I didn't really have a choice.
At least he wasn't being as aggressive as he use to be. I still couldn't figure
out why the night before he hadn't just taken me. Why he stopped and why he
tried to comfort me after. It made no sense. There's no one to stop him. He can
literally do whatever he wants without any repercussions, so what's stopping
him? Why does he all the sudden care about me and what I think. Before, he had
treated me like little more than a possession. He was personifying me in his
own mind and I wasn't sure what was worse. Was he trying to make me fall in
love with him? Was he that stupid? Was I?
"I was hoping you were still asleep." He told me.
I spun around and found him standing in the doorway with a small tray in his
hands. A sheepish smile on his face and warm bubbly eyes that almost scared me
more than his angry ones. I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at him.
Almost too afraid to ask what he wanted.
"I made you breakfast." He said, "Your favorite, if I remember."
He walked to me and dropped the tray into my lap. On it, was a plate, pilled
high with blueberry pancakes. Instead of syrup, however there was a thin layer
of vanilla frosting between each fluffy disk. I had always had a sweet tooth.
Something Logan liked to exploit when I was younger. He loved watching me run
around on a sugar high, and I think he might have even enjoyed getting chewed
out by mom and dad, because of that sly grin that was always on his face.
However, this hadn't been my favorite breakfast for quite a long time. I much
preferred eggs or crepes these days, but I couldn't tell him that. Beside the
stack was a glass of milk and small cup with two pills in it. I stared at them.
They weren't the ones I had taken for my Night Terrors or ADHD. I had never
seen them before.
"Those are for later." He clarified, after I glanced at him with concern and
fear in my wavering eyes. Reaching out and placing them on the nightstand
beside me.
Though his words were both vague and horrifying, I elected it best to ignore
them, for now. Turning my attention back to the stack before me, which was
comprised of six pancakes. I knew immediately that I would not be able to eat
all of them, which made me wonder what he would do if I didn't. My weight was
always a topic for discussion. I knew he didn't like how skinny I was. It had
been his fault however. He had inadvertently caused me to take the medicine
which robbed me of my appetite. Of course, he didn't know that. And I wasn't
about to tell him, because I wasn't suicidal. Not yet, at least. At this point
I had the inkling that I would be by the time this month had passed.
"I-I'm not..." I began, before thinking better of it and keeping my mouth shut.
Just do what he says Addison. It'll be a hell of a lot easier.
"What?" He questioned, taking a step toward me, his eyes searching me as if
something was wrong.
"N-nothing." I mumbled, averting my eyes as he stepped closer still.
"Addison..." He scolded, tilting his head and smiling sympathetically,
"Addison, Addison, Addison, ya know baby, this is only going to work if we
communicate ok? I don't want you to be afraid to tell me anything ok?"
I glanced at him and nodded. He sat and wrapped his arm around me.
"What is it?" He asked, rubbing my arm tenderly.
"I-I'm just...I...I'm not really...I'm not really that hungry..." I stuttered,
my voice gradually becoming quieter as I spoke. My body instinctively shrinking
and my eyes squeezed themselves shut. Prepared for the rant he would explode
into. But he didn't. Though clearly annoyed, all he did, was take the tray and
put it on my nightstand. He put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me
toward him. He pressed his lips against my forehead and held me there for
several minutes.
"Remember what I told you last night, Addi. I won't make you do anything you
don't want to do, ok? If you're not hungry then you're not hungry. That's ok.
It's ok." He said quietly, almost as if he was trying to convince himself, more
than me.
"L-Logan?" Amber called from the hall.
He licked his lips and pursed them before turning to the door, "Yes, Amber?"
She hesitated before replying, "There's someone at the gate..."
He sighed deeply, standing and offering me his hand. I took it and he led us
both out into the living room, where Amber stood, eyeing the screen by the
front door which illustrated a tall man in a suit. A business partner I
assumed. Or maybe an employee. Dad often met his compatriots, but never at
home, which I found quite odd, but didn't question.
"Dammit." He muttered, "Let him in, tell him I'll be a few minutes."
He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me into a lengthy kiss. One he
made sure Amber saw. She didn't look, but I knew she was far more uncomfortable
than she let on. He let me go after growling at her and repeating himself
because she hadn't moved, then he receded to his bedroom, I'm assuming to get
dressed.
"H-how did you sleep?" she asked me, after several awkward moments of silence.
"I-I slept alright..." I replied, fixated on the bruising around her arm. She
glanced down and bit her lip, smiling through blurry eyes, "Uh...You?"
She nodded, "I, I slept good, thank you for asking..."
She stepped closer and gestured to my wrist, "So, Addison, do you do a lot of
walking? I usually go on a stroll every once in a while around the estate. It's
a lot bigger than it looks. If you and Logan aren't doing anything later, would
you like to join me?"
"Uh, sure..." I murmured, glancing down at my bracelet.
What the hell was she trying to tell me. It was obviously something important.
Something dangerous because she couldn't just say it outright.
"I think he should get use to living in the house first." Logan muttered,
emerging from the dark whilst fastening his tie. He snapped his fingers, and
Amber rushed to him, adjusting it just so. Backing away solemnly when she
finished, bowing her head.
"But you have been sleeping well Addi." Logan observed, "You haven't had a
Night Terror in a while."
That's because my life has become a Night Terror, I thought, glaring at his
feet.
"Say again." He spat.
I flicked my eyes up horrified. Had I said that out-loud? Had he read my mind?
"He's here." Amber replied quietly, gesturing to the door.
He glanced at her and tapped his foot, folding his hand over his mouth as if in
deep thought. He breathed sharply and turned before speaking, "Amber, take care
of him. Remember what we talked about last night. And Addison..." He glanced
back and smiled at me, "Behave."
I sat both frozen and stunned, watching as he slipped out the door to accompany
his associate God knows where. Trying to both watch and ignore Amber's
intrusive eyes that lingered on me. I could see her twisting her hands together
in my peripheral vision and her lip as she bit it.
"A-Addison..." She began.
I turned to her and gazed softly into her eyes which darted around the room.
Unable to make contact with mine.
"I...I..." She paused and took a soft breath, "I wonder if um...Do you...like
games?"
I raised an eyebrow, "W-what kind of...games?"
She twisted her fingers together and gave me a sheepish smiled, taking a step
back before replying so quietly that I could barely hear.
"Have you ever heard of a game called Clue?"
***** The Games We Play *****
She unpacked the game slowly. Shaking hands pulled the lid off the box and
removed each piece within. I attempted to assist her, but she yanked her hand
back and glanced up frantically. Into an empty corner. Something she did
repeatedly. Something that made me nervous.
"H-have you ever played before?" She questioned.
I shook my head. That was a lie. I had played it on several occasions, with
Melanie, usually, or Jacob. However I had the feeling that she was depending on
me saying no. Her eyes pleaded at me, as she reached for the instructions,
which cemented my theory. She smiled lightly, "Well, in that case, I'll
explain. It's a simple board game. The goal is to discover who the murderer is,
and what weapon they used, in which room. We have these pieces of paper, and
they have boxes on them. You check off the items you have, that you can rule
out as suspects or murder weapons, like this..."
She handed me one of the thin sheets. She had been writing on it as she spoke.
Still with her nervous glancing and paranoid twitches. She almost seemed
deranged and I wondered what on earth Logan had done to her. And how many
times.
"Wh-which character do you want to be?" She questioned, "Th-there's
Mrs.White...and, and Mr.Green...I like to be Scarlet, and-and Logan usually
likes to be Colonel Mustard."
She exaggerated each name as she spoke them and gestured to the paper I held.
On it were four names, but they weren't the characters. Mrs. Sharpe, Mr.
Sharpe, Amber, and Logan. Confused, I glanced at her and nodded gently, urging
her to both explain and continue.
"W-well, Let's say, uh, Scarlet did something that angered, uh, Colonel
Mustard, and let's say he decided to kill Mrs. White or Mr. Green. Then um, we
would have to figure out how he killed them. And in which room. Do you...do you
understand?"
I stared at her. Obviously he had her on a very short leash. It took me several
minutes to de-crypt her message but once I had, I still didn't know what to do
with it. 
"What character do you want to be...Addison?" She questioned.
"Um, Professor Plum?"
She smiled and picked up the small pawn that was him, "Ok, and let's just say,
that um, Colonel Mustard wanted to kill Professor Plum next. He would help
Scarlet right? As long as she helped him back?"
I nodded and she sighed, "Good. That's good. You've got it. Now we can play."
She dropped the pawns on the board and dealt the card before playing as if
nothing had happened. We played several rounds. Every time, it had been Colonel
Mustard in the Kitchen, with the Candlestick. And every time I drew the cards
and revealed them her eyes would go wide and stare deeply into mine, but I
couldn't figure out what she was trying to say. And the only other message she
gave me was on one of the crumpled pieces of paper she'd tossed into the box,
which read, "It wasn't me."
I asked her to elaborate, but instead she just smiled and set up the game
again. Seemingly losing both her drive and interest as the game dragged on.
 
Logan's POV
It was hard to focus on what he was saying. Something of dire importance,
apparently, but I wasn't concerned. Instead, I found myself gazing out the
tinted windows of the black Cadillac in which we sat, watching as the road
faded behind us. Dragging us away, metre by metre farther and farther from
Addison. 
"Logan." He stated suddenly.
Yanking me from my thoughts. A dangerous action. Something not many dared do.
Obviously, he didn't know me well enough. He didn't know what kind of pain I
could make him suffer. The humiliation and degradation I was capable of
unleashing.
He would learn.
"We're running out of time. I've called in just about all my favors, but I
can't keep a lid on this for long. Pretty soon, they're going to find out, and
we'll both go down."
I glared at him and pursed my lips, "Correction, you, will go down. I am the
richest man in the world now. They can't tear me down without repercussions.
And believe me there would be repercussions. Big ones. They know that. You know
that. And most importantly I know that. So I'm not worried, Admirez. But you,
you should be. And so should they..."
"But-"
"Did I say it was your turn to speak?!" I shouted. My eyes blazing into him.
Securing my dominance and reminding him who held the true authority in this
car. Hell, in this country. This world. Me. I did. I do. He can't take that
away from me. No one can. 
He fell silent. No hint of protest in his slouching posture or sullen gaze.
Good. 
"Now. What I want to know, is why you, instead of calling me, or leaving a
message for my receptionist, decided to come to my house! Disrupt my morning!
And give me petty fucking problem...like this. I'm not happy Admirez. And
that's not good for anyone."
"I'm sorry, sir." He replied. Every ounce of manhood and pride in him
deflating. 
"You're one of the most highly paid men in America Chief. Grow some balls and
act like it."
With that, I halted the car and stepped out. I had wanted to go out anyway.
Addison's birthday was coming up. I had to get him something. Something that
would make him smile for once. He was always so scared of me. His eyes would
waver and fill to the brim with tears, and usually that would be exactly what I
want. Those soft, scared, gentle eyes and those long dark eyelashes. His hair
matted onto his forehead with sweat and his shivering shoulders. His entire
body trembling as I hold him and touch him and run my hands all over him. And
that soft sweet whimpering sound he would make with those soft pink lips
draping over my...No. No things are going to be different now. I can't get
caught up in those euphoric thoughts. He's mine now, he's not just a dream or
goal or wish. He's mine. And I intend for him to stay that way. After Amber's
pathetic attempt, I knew at what point the line had to be drawn. I knew I could
be too much at times. Too aggressive. But I love him. God I love him. I yearn
to be with him every fucking second of every fucking day and it kills me that I
can't. No. I can. He's mine. He'll always be mine. No. Only for the next two
years...hmm. and that's the problem. I need him to love me back. Otherwise
he'll try to leave, and I'll have to chain him up like a dog and I won't have
that. I can't have that for him. He's to special for that. Too beautiful. Oh
God he doesn't know how special he is. But he will. I'll let him know. I'll
Make. Him. Know.
God I love him. 
***** Valentine's Day *****
Addison's POV
It hadn't occurred to me until then that Valentine's Day had passed, and Logan
hadn't presented me with anything, or even acknowledged the day. I doubt that
he'd forgotten. He'd always given me something. Though he rarely visited, I
would be graced with his haunting presence through the beautifully scripted
love letters he would send around that time. Love letters that would make a
young girl fall in love. Letters that I tried my hardest not to burn. Because I
knew that if I did, somehow, somehow he would find out. I knew it. And he would
beat me or choke me or do some awful thing to me once my birthday came around.
And he would never let me forget it. However I suppose in the end I'd still
gotten the last laugh. After all, those letters were ash now. No. He still won
that fight. They were gone materialistically, but they were still very real and
present in my head. And they always would be. Goddammit Logan. You ruin
everything.
My birthday was coming up though. And I assumed that since he had missed
Valentine's day he would want to do something special. It was the twenty-
fourth. My birthday. We'd gotten back on the twentieth. So there wasn't a lot
of time for me to prepare. Especially because he wasn't exactly pleased by
Amber's hints while we were playing Clue. I learned later, that her frantic
glancing had been at the hidden cameras littered throughout the property.
Great. Now any plot or plan I devise I'll never be able to jot down or say.
Because he'll know. He sent her away. She hadn't left the property, but she was
'banished' to the cabin several metres away from the mansion. I don't know what
he did to her. I don't know what her purpose was either. He had me to himself,
why was she here? Why hadn't he dumped her, or disowned her or done something.
Did he like the competition? Being challenged? Having to prove he was superior?
He certainly was good at it.
"What do you want for your birthday baby?" He asked, sitting across from me. An
inquisitive expression painted onto his sharp features. Logan was an attractive
man. That was fair to say. He'd dabbled in modeling once he turned eighteen and
became popular fast. A lot of girls liked him. He always had one or two on his
arm. But it was never genuine, if that makes any sense. Sure he had all the
girls at his feet, but he never really cared. Not that it annoyed him, in fact
he probably loved having that power over so many people, but they never meant
anything to him. You could see it in his eyes. They were tools. But when he
looked at me it was different. And I couldn't tell if it was real or not.
"I-I don't know..." I mumbled, unable to think clearly. It was the twenty
second. I remembered Logan coming home. Him getting angry. Watching as he
smacked Amber around for a little while before dragging her outside and telling
me she was fine when he returned. I remember watching a movie with him, so that
he could relax, though I don't remember what movie. I remember eating. I don't
remember showering...or going to bed. I only remember a hand over my mouth as
everything went dark and when I woke up it seemed as though it hadn't moved.
Logan was an attractive man. That was fair to say. Wait...didn't I say that
already. What time is it? Where am I? What day? What year? I slowly became
light headed, watching him with a blank stare as his eyes slowly widened.
"Are you alright?" He asked. Reaching out for me. His hand, though coming
closer, slowly fading from my view. I heard the clattering of my fork, and the
moan that escaped me as the world began to spin. But I didn't hear what he was
telling me as my vision began to leave. Everything went white, then black, then
a flurry of colors, then white again. I couldn't feel the ground. I couldn't
feel anything. Was my heart beating? Was I breathing? Was I dead? What's
happening? It seemed as though an hour passed before I fell out of my chair.
the ground slowly rushed up to meet me and I sure as hell felt it when I
collided with the hard wood below. 
I don't know how long I was out for. I don't know how or why I had become so
dizzy. Where the missing time had gone, and why. Logan looked a lot like me.
Our features. Though his were more manly and mine were...soft. We looked very
similar. More so than we did with any of our other siblings. I wondered if
maybe that's why Logan chose me. Was it some narcissistic obsession? Was it
because he was so obsessed with himself that I was the closest he could get?
What time is it? What color is that? Red? Purple? What's that smell? Who is
that? Where...where am I? Where...where's mom. Where's dad. Emily? J-Jacob?
Anthony? Mel? Where are you? How do I get there? 
Please answer me.
***** Always Read The Bottle *****
"What happened to him?" She questioned.
"I gave him too many." He replied.
"Too many? How? You didn't give him three did you. Oh God please tell me you
didn't give him three."
"I didn't." He spat.
"Ok, I'm sorry, but you know I gotta ask."
"I only gave him two."
"Which is too many. Jesus Logan did you read the bottle?"
"Yes."
"Obviously." She sneered.
"Just fix him." He growled.
she scoffed and snorted, chuckling at him mockingly, "Ha. Ha. You know it's not
that easy right? I can't just, *Poof* and fix him. That's not how it works. I'm
surprised he isn't dead, if I'm being honest."
"Don't say that." He snapped. His irritation irradiating off him so thick that
I could almost feel it. Even if, somehow, I knew he wasn't touching me. Or was
he?
"It's not my fault you were too horny to keep it in your pants. And It
definitely isn't my fault that you forgot how to read. It's yours, so don't get
pissed at me. I'm the one who's helping here, so calm down. He's going to be
fine."
"Just make it quick." He muttered.
"Again, not how it wor-"
"You know what I mean."
"Alright. Alright. I'll do my best. But it'll still take a while. Go get me
some ice. He's overheating."
"You go. I'm not leaving his side."
She scoffed again and laughed outright. I could practically hear his muscles
swelling and his veins tying into knots, "I'm keeping an eye on him. What
happens if he goes into a fit or seizure while I'm gone. Do you know what to do
in that case Logan? No? That's what I thought. I'm helping, remember, now go
get me some Goddamn ice if you want Baby Brother to live another day."
He growled and stood abruptly, stomping down the hall as he left. Who the hell
was this. And how the hell were they getting away with talking to him like
that? No one talks to Logan like that. Not even dad did. And dad was...dad.
"Hey Addi, I know you can hear me. Don't panic. I know you're probably confused
right now. It'll be ok. I'm milking it for Big Bro so he won't be a fucking
idiot like this again, but trust me, everything's going to be fine. I might
even explain it to you later. If I have the time, and I'm in the mood." She
told me, gently stroking...one of my arms. I wasn't sure which one. Or...really
if it even was my arm. Maybe it was my face? I don't know. 
What I do know, however, is that this person terrified me. Anyone who could
talk to Logan like that. Boss him around like that, was someone potentially far
more dangerous. Or was I dreaming? Was this a dream? That would make a whole
lot of sense. Unfortunately, it isn't. 
None of this is.
 
*
 
"There he is." She said. Her eyes smiling at me before her lips did. Her
posture was different. Her expression. Her breathing. Her voice. Everything.
But...it was her. It-it didn't make any sense.
"A-Amber..." I mumbled.
She chuckled and held out her hand, "Nice ta meet ya. For real this time. I'm
not Amber. That's the other one's name. These days I go by Jenna."
I reached up, well, attempted to, but was unable to move anything more than my
face. She laughed again, I'm assuming, expecting that outcome.
"Oh sweetheart, it was a joke. You don't have to shake my hand. But boy, they
really whip you rich kids don't they. To always be proper and whatnot. Eh.
That's alright. It's for the best. Anyway. I know you're confused. Probably
more confused that I can even imagine. You're still hopped up on all that dope
after all. God. Logan is so fucking irresponsible. He's in the kitchen at the
moment, if you were wondering. Don't worry Doll, he's going to keep his
distance for a while. After this, he'll be a little too paranoid to touch you.
You almost died. But you're alive so don't think about it too much. Thanks to
me."
She paused and I stared at her. Unsure what to say or do or think, other than
wonder what she meant by saying she wasn't Amber. She was. I could see the
bruises clear as day. Exactly where they had been.
"This is the part you thank me." She told me, her grin softening and her lips
pouting into a sarcastic frown, "Awe...poor thing. You probably have no idea
what's happening. That's ok. You'll be alright. That's all that matters."
She reached out, cupping my face gently with her hand.
"I leave for five minutes and you're already breaking all the rules." He
growled, rushing into the room, yanking her hand away from me. She stood
abruptly and slammed her finger into his chest.
"Remember who just saved his life, fucktard. And remember who almost ended it.
I know my place. Do you know yours?"
His eyes widened. He was both shocked and infuriated, but he didn't argue. He
simply stood there, fingers curled into fists, eyes focused on hers. But she
didn't back down and she didn't flinch. Several minutes passed before she
lowered her finger and turned to me, giving me a light curtsy and nodding to
me, "I bid you a good night, dear sir. Call for me if he tries to kill you
again."
"Get out." Logan snapped.
she snickered at him and sauntered away.
What. The. Hell.
It seemed as though a full day, hell a full week passed before he calmed down
enough to approach me. His arms folding around me, pulling me into his lap. He
laid his head over mine and breathed deeply.
"I'm so sorry Addison." He told me. His voice nearly breaking. "I was trying to
help you."
What?
"I didn't know...I swear if I had, I wouldn't have..." He pressed his lips
against my head to stop himself from crying. He squeezed me. Pulling me so hard
against him that I could feel the outline of his entire body. Something
significant considering I had barely any feeling from my neck, down, "I'm
sorry." He whimpered.
I sat in silence. My eyebrows furrowed. My mouth gaping. My entire world
flipped upside down, right side up, curled up, and thrown into the infinite
abyss of space. What the literal fuck had happened. Who was that? Why was I
missing time? What was Logan talking about? What were either of them talking
about? What happened to Amber? What time is it?
What. The. Fuck.
 
*
 
Jenna's POV
"I can't believe you overdosed him." I mumbled, picking lightly at the oregano
stuck between my teeth with my pinky nail. Fixated at the reflection I stared
at through the small mirror in my palm.
"Shut the fuck up." He ordered, seating himself on the couch in the living
room.
I smiled at the back of his head and picked up my plate, dropping it off my the
sink before making my way to his side. Plopping down beside him.
"He's a pretty little fucker in't he?" I told him,  glazing into the darkness
of the hall. He'd passed out again. However I'd linked my pager to his heart
monitor. So if there were any problems I would know. That way I wouldn't have
to linger in that room and make Logan jealous.
"Don't talk about him like that." He warned.
I raised an eyebrow, "Why? We were both thinkin' it."
He glared at me and I leaned back, raising my arms up in surrender, "Am I
wrong."
He turned away and I knew I wasn't. I never was. Not when it came to him. We'd
clicked. From day one. Him and Amber, not so much. But him and me? We needed
each other. We knew that from early on. That's why he kept me around. Why he
kept her around. I was the only person who supported him. Reassured him that
what he wanted was right. Even if we both know by moral standards it wasn't.
But who gives a fuck? Amber did, but who cares? If Logan wants to bend that boy
over and fuck him silly, who am I to stand in his way? In fact...I might even
watch. And that's why he likes me. We're both twisted. And even if he denies
it. He knows it's true. After all, why else would he let me talk to him like I
do. Why not just kill me. I'm sure he could get away with murder if he tried.
But I know him. I need him. And he needs me.
I was the bridge between them, I guess. I mean, after all, I could sympathize
with both delicious boys. Logan, the lust driven sex maniac with anger issues
and a God complex. Addison, the shy boy toy plagued by night terrors and fears
beyond human imagining. Oh, this is what I live for. This is what I love.
Watching one squirm whilst the other holds him down, oh call me sick but It
turns me on. But so do dead people so, I don't know. Call me sick, I've been
called worse, but oh my God. Such a tasty dynamic. I like it. I love it. I need
more of it. 
"I love you Logan." I told him, a half smile finding it's way onto my face.
"Do you?" He questioned, turning to me. His eyes empty and soulless. Oh yes,
that's what I crave. The emptiness. No remorse. Remorse makes it boring.
Predictable. Oh this was going to be so fun to watch. To see, to feel...to
taste.
"No." I chuckled, "But I love the way you make me feel."
I lit up my eyes at him and he smiled back. He could see the blackness in me
just as well as I could see it in him. It's why we clicked. It's why I'm here.
I don't love anyone. 
I never have.
I never will.
But by God did I love him.
***** Roofies And Horse Tranquilizers *****
Jenna's POV
"So what're ya thinkin'." I questioned, gazing at him from the doorway. He
stood beside Addison. Hovering over the boy like he had been for the past
fifteen minutes. He would be fine. I reassured him of that, several times.
Unfortunately he didn't believe me.
"I wasn't trying to hurt him." He told me, glancing over his shoulder at me, "I
would never do that."
I swung out my hip and crossed my arms. Tilting my head at him, "Oh really?
Cause uh, he's got some scars that I doubt were self inflicted and or caused
by, shall we say, tripping down the marble steps of the Divitiae Mansion..." I
paused, "...You like hurting him...don't you?"
He hissed at me and rage sparked in his irises. His fists clenched and I
smiled, "Real touchy aren't we. I don't care, Logan. I've never cared. You know
that. If you want to beat him or rape hi-"
"I don't..." He interjected, "I don't. Rape him."
I stepped closer, sauntering across the hard wood until I stood a couple feet
away, "Is that why you drugged him? If it isn't rape why were you afraid of
stickin' your dick in when he was awake. When he could feel it. Sounds a lot
like rape to m-"
He spun around and grabbed me by the throat, backing me into the wall beside
the door. Seemingly growing from the fury that filled him. Snaking it's way
through his body. Making his grip tighten more than usual. Oh boy I had really
pushed his buttons. One of my favorite things to do.
"Tighter." I snarled, snapping my teeth at him. My eyes fixated on those
vicious lips. Lips that growled at me, bearing his teeth like an animal.
He stared at me. His eyebrows low and his jaw jutting out like it always did
when he was irritated. But he wasn't angry. Not really. He was frustrated. He
finally had him. The innocent sweet boy in the bed behind him. He finally had
him there, for good, but he didn't really have him. He would never truly have
him. His instincts, his urges, Addison would never learn to cope with them. Not
like I had. The deprived tantrums. The violent outbursts that could only be
remedied by sex.
"Come on Logan." I told him, wrapping my fingers around his belt loops, yanking
his hips toward me, "I'll help you get your rocks off."
He glowered at me suspiciously, but allowed me to lead him to my bedroom. This
is how he'd coped. Not having Addison. Not being able to touch him, or fuck him
whenever he wanted. He used me, well, Amber. She was pathetic. Weak. Like
Addison. But at this particular moment he needed me. He was always the
dominant. I respected that. I knew he needed it a certain way. I knew exactly
what he wanted. And I knew it secretly killed him, knowing Addison would never
be as good to him as I was.
He was frustrated, confused, and a little pissed, so I knew he'd need a little
more coaxing than usual. I pushed myself up against the wall and yanked his
hips against my ass. Grabbing his hand and knotting his fingers through my
hair.
"Make it rough." I told him, "Give it to me like you never will with him. Get
it out. Get it all out."
And with that the ball was set in motion. He threw me onto the bed. Stripped me
furiously. Removed all the barriers between us and had ourselves a night. His
moans and hard grunting was intoxicating. Each bite he sank into my neck or
shoulder sent and shiver of pure euphoric desire throughout my entire body. His
hands roughly stretching out and pulling me into him, his nails digging into my
skin hard enough to draw blood. Each territorial claw across my back or lick up
the nape of my neck sent me reeling. Clenching my fists beneath him, wanting to
touch him back. Knowing that I couldn't however. Because he was pretending I
was Addison. Like he always did. It almost made me angry when he moaned his
name instead of mine. It almost made me want to slit that beautiful boy's
throat in his sleep. But I knew Logan would never forgive me. And I knew this
was about Logan. Not me. I would do anything for him. Anything he demanded.
Anything he wanted. Anything he needed.
Oh Logan, if only you loved me like you love him...
We'd be unstoppable.
Logan's POV
His skin was softer than hers. Ironically. You'd think a woman's skin would
always be softer, but in this case, youth had outmatched gender. I'd lost my
taste in women almost as fast I had acquired it. I admit I jacked off to
playboy magazines when I was younger. Just growing into a man. But it was never
satisfying. It never filled the void. In truth, nothing ever had. Except for
him. I can still remember, the first time...at least...some of it. It was is
birthday. He was turning thirteen. My lucky number. I admit I'd had too much to
drink. I was infamous for doing that. After all, drowning your sorrows in
alcohol is somehow, infinitely more comforting than seeing a useless therapist.
He was watching from the balcony like he always did. Sitting quietly, eating a
slice of cake. Uninterested in socializing. Uninterested in doing anything
other than watching. But I was.
"L-Logan..." He stammered, scrambling to his feet. Glancing around frantically.
His body starting to shake as I stepped closer, "Wh-what're you...what're you
d-doing up...up here?"
I smiled at him. Watching those beautiful eyes look everywhere but at me. Oh he
was so scared. So afraid. Terror ripped through him as I pushed him against the
wall. My hand firm on his forearm. The other, relaxing leisurely by his side.
Propping myself up on the wall. Panic erupted through him and I could
practically taste him already.
"I could ask you the same thing, birthday boy." I whispered, releasing him to
stroke his blushing cheek, "What're you doing up here all alone?"
He didn't respond. Just stared at me. It almost made me sad. How little he
talked. How few people paid him any mind. How no one cared. Not like me. Not
like I did. No one ever even asked where he was. It was his birthday and he was
up here all alone and no one cared. Seeing him by himself was heartbreaking. No
one really appreciated him. Showed him how much he meant to them. How much they
loved him. How lucky they were just to be near him. To touch him. They didn't
deserve to.
"I have a present for you." I told him.
Watching his eyes flutter with confusion and fear. Wondering what I was going
to do. He stiffened. His entire body becoming rigid as if he were about to
fight me. But he wouldn't. He knew better.
"L-Logan..." He whispered, tightening his arm as I pulled him down the hall.
God I loved it when he said my name. With those quivering lips. So gentle. So
soft. I remember laying him down on the bed. And the terrified little puffs
that escaped him as I touched him. The whimpering and warm glow of his youthful
skin. But I don't remember anything after the first kiss. The last thing I did
remember, however was waking up in the hospital several days later, half-dead
from alcohol poisoning. And with one foot in the grave and one foot on a banana
peel I discovered that those same heretics that took Addison for granted had
found out about us. I wanted to kill them. All of them. Right then and there.
For treating us like lepers. For hurting him so bad. Sometimes I wish I had. I
often dreamed of it. Killing them fast. Killing them slow. Hiring someone else
to do it. Infinite possibilities. None of which, unfortunately, I was able to
execute in the end.
But I would have. For him. I'd do anything for him.
Anything.
***** Our Anneversary *****
Addison's POV
"Wakey Wakey." She whispered, gently dragging curled fingers down my cheek. A
gesture I could barely feel. One of several she had used in an attempt to coax
me out of my state of slumber for the past ten minutes.
She sighed deeply, almost as if losing her patience, "If you don't wake up soon
I'm going to start cutting off your toes or something, wake up."
Usually at hearing words like that I would obey, but I was so dazed and tired
that I convinced myself she was simply a dream. A figment of my imagination.
Someone I didn't have to take seriously.
"Jesus Christ Addison. Wake the hell up. We have a present for you. If you're
up for it. We're going out."
My eyes shot open and I stared at her. Going out? Like out of the house, going
out? Where? Why? When? Was this my opportunity to run? To get away before
something like this...whatever this was...happened again?
It was Amber. Or...I suppose, Jenna.
"That got your attention didn't it? Logan's in the shower. Or at least, he
would have been, had you woken up about five minutes ago. He's likely dressed
and ready to go by now. Which means we don't have a lot of time." She paused
and glanced at the door, before leaning in, "Look Addi, I know you're scared of
him. If I were you, I would be too. But if you're going to be scared of anyone
in this house, it should be me. I reign big bad in. And if I wanted to I could
slit your throat without hesitating. So next time you want to ignore me like
you just did, think twice. You're lucky I'm so forgiving. Otherwise I'd let
Logan give you a bath before we go."
She grabbed my arm and slung it over her shoulder, slowly pulling me up over
her. My head instantly was sent spinning, the world around me fuzzily spiraling
out of shape. Her words bouncing around against my skull. For a girl who seemed
so small she was surprisingly strong and nimble. Nearly holding my entire
weight and dragging me to the bathroom with little to no trouble.
"See..." She began, lowering me into the tub, "Logan's real glad you're here.
Ecstatic. Me? Not so much. Don't get me wrong. You're probably a great kid.
You're cute and all, but before you came into the picture me and Logan were
quite happy. So there's going to be just a smidgen of animosity between us. But
it won't be a problem for the most part. As long as you promise to share...do
you promise?"
I stared at her, unsure how to respond. Did she think I actually...wanted to be
here? That I wanted to share him? Hell be near him in the first place?
She chuckled, as if reading my mind, reaching down to pull off my pants, "Yeah,
that's a joke. I know you hate him. That's fine by me. But boy, does he love
you. It's a little annoying."
I lifted my hands weakly in protest as she began removing my shirt but she
simply smacked them down and scolded me, "Do you know what he did? Did you
figure it out while you were all comatose?" She questioned.
I stared at her again. Eyes and expression blank, still processing her words as
she rolled her eyes to continue, "Well, brother dear, he basically drugged you
so that he could fuck you without you complaining. Didn't work out too well,
because he didn't read the fucking bottle, but anyway. That's what happened.
You overdosed, but you're alright. Might have some short term brain damage but
nothing too serious."
She smiled at me and I stared in utter horror at her. Jolting as she
nonchalantly removed my briefs and began to fill the tub with water. She
glanced at me periodically before smirking and blinking up at me, "He didn't go
through with it. After you passed out he called me. Don't worry babe you're
still a virgin."
She laughed and I felt sick. My stomach sinking and my head throbbing. No I
wasn't.
"Wait." She mumbled, leaning in, eyeing my pained expression before the smirk
dripped off her face, "Has he...did he...wait...hold on. Hold on. No. No. No,
he didn't. Did he?"
She seemed a little frantic as she searched my eyes. Sneering as she fell back
into a lazy slouch. Her eyebrows furrowed and her lips pursed.
"He's done it before hasn't he?" She questioned lowly. Daring me not to
respond. To sit there in silence like I had been since she placed me here. The
water slowly rose above my knees and she glared at me, "Fine. Don't answer me.
Doesn't matter either way."
She took a deep breath and grabbed the shampoo bottle from across the tub,
emptying a fraction of its contents into her palm.
"Don't worry little brother, I'll take care of you. As long as you're happy,
Logan's happy, and as long as Logan's happy, I'm happy. It's a circle you see."
She looked me dead in the eyes and raised an eyebrow, "Don't fuck it up, ok?"
I nodded and she smiled, slapping the jell onto my head and rubbing it into my
scalp.
 
Logan's POV
I couldn't stop thinking about him. I'd barely gotten any sleep. Jenna was a
fair substitute, I guess, but she was nothing compared to him. Her skin merely
mocked me. Reminding me of skin much softer, and sweeter. That I couldn't
touch. It was exhausting. How was I suppose to fulfill my needs if he would
never accept them. I needed him. Not Jenna. And now that he was here, hopefully
I'd be able to get rid of her. Not that she'd go easily. She was a bit of a
lost puppy, per say. Amber had been neglected a lot as a child, and abused by
other family members, which her parents were oblivious to. This lead to the
development of her alter, Jenna. Who considered me her equal. It some strange
way, she thought we were made for each other. Meant to be, and all that. But
I'd do just as well without her. And she was going to be jealous of Addison. I
knew that right off the bat. She would soon develop a habit of getting in the
way. Standing between us obliviously, as if I wouldn't figure out that she was
intentionally separating us. If she became too bothersome I suppose she might
just end up in the backyard, but I'm not sure. She has been useful, and without
her Addison might have died. God I was an idiot. I had read the bottle, just
not correctly. She was a slave of sorts, as well and a fair substitute for
Addison in some aspects. She had been at least, for the past few years, but
things would change sooner or later. And I would not allow her to hurt him.
"Where is he?" I questioned, watching her emerge from the hall, rubbing a towel
over her damp hands, eyes and expression frazzled as I stepped toward her.
Almost frantic. I shouldn't have allowed her to give him a bath without me.
What if she hurt him? What if she drowned him? He'd be too weak to fight her,
he was still recovering. God don't be an idiot Logan. She wouldn't hurt him.
Not this early into the game. She knows you would kill her. Think, you idiot,
think.
"Calm down babe, he's getting dressed." She snorted, giving me a sideways
glance as she rolled down her sleeves. Angrily tossing the cloth across the
room into the laundry basket. Grumbling as she brushed past me and into the
closet. I watched her go, slightly irritated at her abrupt and daring behavior.
I wouldn't tolerate her disrespecting, nor disobeying me, but that was a
punishment for later. Right now I had to see Addison. I had to touch him. To
hold him. At the very least see him, it had only been a couple hours but it
felt like a lifetime. I crept down the hall slowly and gently pushed open the
door. It might have been more polite to knock but I wasn't in the mood for
formalities. I stood and watched for several seconds as he pulled his shirt
weakly over his head, my instinct to help him. I began to rush to him, but knew
that would only scare him. Unfortunately I managed to scare him anyway, as I
had become so lost in the sight of him that I'd forgotten to make my presence
known. He swung around frantically as I sighed in contentment at seeing him.
His eyes wide and his body shrinking up as he backed away. I immediately held
up my hands in surrender and sympathetically stepped toward him.
"Hey, shh, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm sorry about earlier. I uh...I wasn't
thinking. Clearly. It won't happen again, I promise..." I reached out for him
but he jolted and jumped back and away from me. I gathered my hands and
clenched my fists. Trying not to get angry. Trying not to over react. He needed
space, and I needed to respect that. I needed to be more understanding, and
more caring.
"I uh..." I cleared my throat and looked at him once more, rotating my neck as
I began to speak, "I wanted to take you out. Amber...I mean, Jenna, insisted on
coming, but, this is, just for us. Ok?"
He nodded slowly, the dark circles under his eyes seeming to grow each time his
head bobbed up and down. Goddammit. Why was I so bad at talking, and consoling
people? I use to be so good at it, and maybe I still was, but when it came to
him, I might as well be speaking a foreign language. I might as well be the
devil or some kind of unforgivable monster, and maybe in his eyes I was. But to
me, he was an angel, and if there was anyone in this world pure enough to save
me from the damnation I was currently facing, it was him. Unfortunately, he
couldn't see that yet. But one day he would.
"Come here." I ordered, outstretching my hand for him, patiently waiting as his
eyes flicked back and forth across the room for an escape. Some sort of
alternative. "Please." I stated, almost hurt at his desperation. Was I really
that bad? I couldn't have been, right?
At hearing my plea, he slowly swallowed and took a shaky step toward me.
Placing a loose hand into my palm after several painstakingly slow moments of
him creeping nearer to me. I did my best to smile at him in a non threatening
manor. To give him a smile that wasn't hiding anything. No hidden intent or
anything of the like. Just him, and me. No masks. I had to hide myself from
everyone in the world, I didn't want to have to hide from him. But if I had to,
for the time being, I would.
I lead him slowly to the car, gently coaxing him out the door and into the back
of the limousine. Attempting to keep Jenna as far away from us as possible,
which she was adverse and vocal about. But she could nag me all she wanted. I
was finally getting somewhere and I wasn't about to let her ruin it. I wanted
him to trust me. And I wanted to be able to trust him.
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