Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8106136.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con,
      Underage
  Category:
      Multi
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      orgy_-_Relationship
  Character:
      Harry_Potter, Hermione_Granger, Ron_Weasley, Albus_Dumbledore, Voldemort,
      Sirius_Black, Remus_Lupin, Peter_Pettigrew, James_Potter, Dolores
      Umbridge, Rubeus_Hagrid, Severus_Snape, Aston, Harambe
  Additional Tags:
      Orgy, everyone_gets_fucked, this_is_a_lemon_ass_crack_fic, Lemon, i_swear
      to_go_don't_read_this_if_you_are_not_prepared_for_this_epic_fuckfest, You
      Have_Been_Warned
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-09-21 Words: 3798
****** The Gryffindorgy ******
by Kalamarii
Summary
     A bunch of us got together and wrote this. It is completely insane
     and anything goes. We apologise if we offend anyone.
     HARRY'S QUEST TO BECOME THE BIGGEST SLUT IN HOGWARTS
The Gryffindorgy
Ingredients (will produce 90,000 litres of sexual fluids):
Thirsty wizard thots.
Eight disposable wands (preferably made from a young wood ash or bamboo).
One castle-shaped fuckatorium.
Seventy two gallons of wet platinum.
Magic snake dicks.
Four and a half Virgin punishes
Several arseholes
A mountain of freshers’ brain fuck holes
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I love memes
Harry always knew he was destined for something. He always knew one day he
would find what he was destined for. Little did he know however was that he
would not be the one to choose this destiny for himself. Harry would become the
biggest slut that Hogwarts had ever seen, and nothing would be able to get in
his way, not even the one who shall not be fucked. Harry would reach his goal
and prove to the world that he had the ability to take as much as he could
give.
Harry had always wandered about the origin of the name “Death Eater”. Did they
eat Death? Did they eat each other? Did they eat TILL death? Did DEATH eat
THEM?? (Later he learnt that all the above was true)
Just some of the mysteries hidden in the walls of Hogwarts. What other
mysteries had Harry been hiding? Aside from his erection, which had been
growing ever since his sweaty uncle showed him how much he secretly craved his
boyhole. Harry's scar was burning like the fiery pits under his arms. He could
feel something coming... Voldemort. However Harry could not doddle on such
silly matters. He had something to do today.
Harry was wondering around the grounds all day when all of a sudden he stumbled
upon a magic portal of light. Glistening into Harry's dick the light flickered
around the room, dancing like the ballet dancers of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s
Swan Lake. Coincidentally, it was dancing in the lake.
Harry began to approach the portal, his boots squelching in the hot mud. He
felt drawn in, as if the portal was calling to him, tugging on the soul itself.
Harry confined to approach until reaching the very edge of the lake.
His tights plastered against his thick luscious thighs there was not much room
for perspiration. Beads of sweat ran down his sweet calves which also glistened
in the moonlight where Remus and Sirius were having wild animal sex. Their
howls echoing across the fields like a lustful orchestra. Their fur becoming
slick with semen.
Suddenly Harry saw his dad rush towards the two men and shove his antlers in
each of their arseholes.
The three man-creatures began to squirm, and Harry saw a rat crawl out of their
anni (plural of anus) and suddenly Peter was there riding his Dad like the
fucking filthy animal he is.
Harry looked away in the disgust. “I hate furries.” He continued on his venture
towards the portal but was met with what appeared to be a large Boulder, then
the portal sucked up and vanished like my sex life.
Peeking around the boulder Harry saw the unimaginable (seriously you can't make
this shit up like what the actual fuck)
Harry glanced over to Hagrids hut to see the half giant pleasuring himself with
a picture of a giant spider bathing in a bath of his own urine.
Harry realised he was getting sidetracked any began to walk back to the portal.
Unfortunately, he hadn't realised it was his time of the month. There was blood
everywhere. But it wasn't his it was Voldemort's! Surprise gay sex!
But how did Snape get there?
“Don't cry mon petit pois” whispered Voldemort into his ear. Snape, Harry and
Voldy rolled to the owlery where they saw hedwig and crookshanks eating each
other (but in the sexual way)
He stuck his wand in. Then his magic wand. Then his dick (in case it wasn't
clear, like his semen)
After a vigorous fucking session (followed by tea and cake), Harry headed back
into the Castle and just happened to walk by the Slytherin dungeon when he saw
Draco and the new kid Aston walking towards their room with their mouths and
dicks interlocked.
Draco mounted Aston. How long had he been wishing for this? Aston cried as
Draco penetrated him. Screaming like a mandrake as his delicious butthole was
opened and closed like a Venus flytrap
Harry walked into the room and Draco approached.
Harry pulled his mouth away from Draco's hand and nodded curtly in
understanding. He quickly put out his wand-light and moved closer to Draco to
stand in the light.
"Follow me, Potter," Malfoy hissed, tiptoeing along the corridor, Harry right
behind him. Draco quickly located what he was looking for as footsteps became
more audible behind them, quickly grabbed a door handle, and shoved Harry
inside. He followed Harry into the tiny broom closet, but unfortunately tripped
on the threshold and nearly landed on his face. With reflexes as quick as
Draco's own, Harry quickly caught him, but his wand clattered to the floor and
the light went out completely.
"Fuck," he growled into the darkness, righting himself and leaning against the
wall across from Harry in an attempt to get away from his touch. He failed,
however, because the closet was so tiny that even with both boys pressed
against opposite walls, their legs were still tangled together and their chests
brushed together every time one of them inhaled.
"Smallest fucking closet I've ever been in," Harry mumbled.
"Just how many closets have you been in, Saint Potter?" Draco asked, covering
his genuine curiosity with his usual snark.
“Draco!” Harry scream! “Why would you do this!!??”
(It’s funny cuz they’re gay.)
Draco took out his long wooden spoon and made a pleasant casserole. Then he
buttfucked Harry with said casserole.
The next day, Aston extracted three broken wands, one small cactus, and a bag
full of frogs in his bloodied rear.
Blood gushed out of him like a small stream, or perhaps the mountains of
precious metals below gringotts bank.
And then aston woke up and it was jsut a wet dream phew that was a close one
guys…….
He turned around to see Dobby asleep with a midget dick in his hands.
AAAAAAAAH!!!
Not again!
“Deeper my succulent little house elf, fill me like a skip! Stuff me like a
pepper!”
Really, he should stop saying this stuff so loudly. Not three seconds later,
Ron's head popped around the doorway.
“Pierce me Ronald! DO IT. Spike me with the tender sting of that ginger spiced
dick.” Harry screamed, his mind filled with thoughts of Ron and only Ron.
“OKAY ILL DO IT! Just for you my beloved.”
Ron impaled Harry on his great lance, causing him to scream out in agony and
pleasure.
“Ron please that's enough!”
“Oh you think so?” Ronald's face took on a dark persona, he grabbed Harry's
chin and looked him in the eyes, “ this is just the beginning.” Ron continued
slinging his fat hog.
Ron came so hard Harry flew through the roof like a bottle rocket. The
pressure. Could he reciprocate, even though his prostate had just been
atomised? Yes. Yes he could.
He took Ron by his autumn brown hair, pulling harshly in the dim light. “Watch
and learn.”
With all this commotion, Dumbledore exploded through the bolted door. “DID YOU
PUT YOUR DICK IN HARRY’S ARSE!!!??” he said calmly. “No.” replied Harry. “I put
my dick in the owl.”
His sweaty brow showed more than a concerned headmaster, he advanced towards
the group all he could whisper was these sweet words. “50 points for
griffindooooooorrrrrr…” His hand caressed the the small scar, gently fondling
Harry's dark dirty hair. “Remarkable boy”
Needless to say Harry's scar was not the only thing that was burning up
“Ah yes perhaps, but now for the finale, we must go deeper and retrieve the
golden snitch!” he harshly plunged his hand into Harry's pants, sighing loudly
as he did so. this is much better.”
But alas, Dumbledore was not alone. He was attached to Hermione by the dick
hole.
“EHY FUK HERMIONE??” Ron scream from inside Harry. “Wingardium leviosa”, said
Ron in order to lift harry up and down along his twelve-inch ashy log. This did
not work. Hermione, with her dying breath, mumbled “Winguardian levio-sa”.
Harry began to vibrate at seven-hundred oscillations per minute. His brain was
severely concussed, but the risk of traumatic brain injury was no match for
Harry’s traumatic desire for cum.
At this point, Harry realised that Hagrid had drowned in his semen. They left
him there for a while. Hagrid was pronounced dead seventeen minutes after the
ejaculation by an emotional Madam Pomfrey. Her brow was sweaty and her
complexion pale. Harry offered to wipe her brow with his dick, and proceed to
separate her skull into twelve pieces: the pressure… Her head exploded like a
me-lon. The only thing that could compete with the pressure was the aggressive
insertion of the freakin' basilisk into Harry’s already ruptured anus, and the
extraction of the snake from the opposing end of his digestive tract. Tom
Riddle wriggled his way through Harry's meat-tube.
Harry, not full from the earlier casserole,proceeded to eat splattered cranial
remains.The taste was like nothing he had ever experienced. He came over his
already pale chest, like snow dusted over a limestone driveway. Of course,
driveways aren't needed in this world because the cars literally fucking fly
like come on guys. Like seriously imagine how many bunnies you could get to
licked your dick with an enlarged Tongue? So, so many.
Little did he know, Umbridge was on her way. And she had brought her dragon
dildos.
(Which are the miniature dragons from the fourth book who can slither up your
cavities and pleasure your insides).
“KNOCK KNOCK, WHO WANTS DRAGON COCK?!”
She grinned maliciously, prepared for many, many more games to be played.
“Follow the rules, children.”
She tied each of the children to a pink chair and proceeded to magic off each
part of their clothes until they were nekked. Then she said,
“I will fuck you while the others watch and if you scream I will cut you and
stuff the wound with my scat”
Harry instantly went hard as he was addicted to teenage angst and pain.
“Now now Harry,” Umbridge said, “not yet-”
Before she could finished, Grawp reached inside the window and shoved her
entire body inside his anus.
“Well”, Luna shrugged “I never liked the bitch anyway”
Grawp threw the broken body of Umbridge away and turned to see zombie Hagrid
dressed in nothing but a sack of giant Potatoes. He ripped off the sack and the
half brothers started ravaging each other. Grawp pounded his fists against the
floor causing quakes that shook the castles and he bit into his arm, tearing
away at the flesh, to prevent the screams from deafening the inhabitants of the
forest. Zombie Hagrid was in pain but it felt so good he didn't want it to
stop. The two thrust back and forth like a jackhammer and the pressure built
until suddenly there was a sweet release. Grawp pulled out at the last second
and came all over a herd of centaurs. They drowned.
 
Meanwhile, Harry suddenly died (because shit like that happens) and ended up in
Limbo (because shit like that happens).
Dumbledore still fixed on only Harry, dream or no dream urged him to do many
things Harry had never heard of. In a white Kings Cross (don't be racist), much
cleaner than the real thing. Dumbledore stepped out of the mist, brandishing
his secondary sword,much more impressive than his Elder wand.
“Oh yes! You remind me of my uncle, the boyhole buttfucker!! I always liked his
company.”
After wiping himself clean on Dumbeldore’s beard, Harry went to the sweet shop
and got a nice lolly pop and it was really nice and tasted good the end! But
the lolly-pop was actually Voldemort’s dick, Harry returned back to Hogwarts
and sat on the edge of Ron’s bed, voldemort’s dick still in hand. He looked ron
right in the eyes and slowly licked up voldemort's sickly sweet shaft.
“Oh I see Voldemort, you lost some size on your nose but this definitely makes
up for it.”
“Tommy! Defrost my sausages!!”
Riddle placed his huge bag knee deep in his boyhole. Harry squirmed around
pathetically, flinging his glasses (glaaasses) across the room as he moaned.
“Voldemort you have gone this far, why don't you show me your true power?”
Voldemort grinned.
(•̀ᴗ•́)൬༉
 
“Are you sure you want this Harry? Do you really want the true prophecy to be
fulfilled?”
Harry thought for a moment and then realised how stupid he was. He shouldn't
have to think about it, he had been craving this for years.
“I assume you know of the curses Harry? There is one forbidden curse which only
the highest ranking wizards can use. Would you like to see what it means to
wield TRUE POWER?!”
Harry nodded weakly, he knew this was his destiny.
“Then Harry my boy, grab onto the true elder wand, and let us begin the
ceremony.”
Harry reluctantly reached forwards, compelled to attain his true meaning. His
hands quivered like the body of dobby as he died in the movie oops spoiler; but
anwyay he was really scared and stuff but he did it anyway the madman.
They were disturbed by a noise as a fucking ginger knocked on the window.
Ron growled like the true foxy slut he was. Lying naked on the bonnet of the
flying car. (Which was in flight at the time)
“Oh how I've been waiting for this Harry. For years I have played the fool and
idiot while you are the ‘master wizard’ who gets all the credit for everything.
Well now I've had enough Harry. Tonight I will make you my bitch and we will
see who is truly the greatest wizard of them all.”
Ron slid off the bonnet of the car and stepped onto the smooth clouds.
“Now Harry the preparations must be made, cast the penis inversion spell this
instant!” “he will bleed from being in so much pain and we will call this a
period!!”
Meanwhile, Neville Longbottom was strolling along one of Hogwart’s more obscure
corridors. Little did he know that his bottom was soon to become much longer.
Dobby surprised him from behind, inserting his sock-cladded hand into Neville’s
pursed balloon-knot. Neville’s face exploded with pleasure; for once he was an
important character in a story which is so often focused around the
protagonist.
It was then that Mrs. Norris pawed Harry’s exposed anus. She played with his
insides like a ball of fleshy string.
Lord Voldemort climbed out from within Harry’s scar and began to fuck it with
multiple snake dicks sprouting from his otherwise action-man smooth gooch.
“HARRY THIS IS POWER OVERWHELMING! WITNESS ME THIS FINAL TIME!” Voldemort
gently whispered into Harry's small sexy ear.
Shortly afterwards, Harry sat and rubbed Thomas’s shark-skin smooth gooch,
lamenting the retraction of his silky slither-friends. Harry missed being
slithered inside, he always missed being slithered inside. Slither is love.
Slither is life.
Ron burst out of Hogwarts barnhouse, covered in oil and oatmeal. His slick body
slid across the corridors as he made his way to dumbledore's office. The eagle
at the staircase asked for the password and Ron proceeded to stick his erect
penis into the Eagle's mouth.
“Open sesame kiddo” said Ron as he fixed his shades.
Reluctantly the eagle opened the stairwell. As Ron walked up he winked and
gestured for the eagle to call him with his hand.
Ron sat on the floor and slid towards dumbledore like a dog.
“Ron what the fuck are you doing lol”
Ron looked at dumbledore when suddenly Harambe (anonymous gorilla) climbed out
of the inclosure, child in one hand, dick in the other. Which was larger? Who
will ever know, RIP
The next day Harry woke up and attempted to sneak out of the room.
Unfortunately he tripped and landed dick first into Lucious Malfoy. Draco saw
this and cried because his dad was fucking HIS fuck buddy. He got out his wand
and shouted avada kedavra but his wand was his dick so only a bit of cum
squirted out.
Malfoy the titchy said “My father will hear about this” but Malfoy the hot as
fuck was already there so the comment was redundant.
Malfoy the dick got annoyed and decided to pray to the God of penetrative
understanding.
“Our father, who fart in heaven, hallowed be thine penis. Thy king dump cum,
thy will be done, on arse as it is in Harambe. Give us this day our daily
breast and forgive us our best arses, as we forgive those who pressed arse
against us. Lead us not into tent hentai, and deliver us from fanfiction for
our King-dong-come our power shower, and our gloryholes are yours.
Forever and ever,
Ah, fuck men” - J-dog Christikins
“also, how is baby form? I've always wanted to know.”
“With inverted penis”
Only God foreskins
 
“Ah Harry you prick! It's go time, have you noticed where we are?”
Malfoy stood aside to reveal a trapdoor. From within could be heard the sound
of three snoring dogs. Harry recoiled back in fear. He knew the beast who
guarded this chamber…
Little did he know, deep within the chamber, there was another scene unfolding.
Ghost Hermione was sitting quietly alone, her hand carefully stroking her large
books.
“ Harry will never be a bigger slut than me” She whispered, wearing herself her
very own dick.
Then Voldemort started cheering himself on: (to the tune of the mysterious
ticking noise)
“Voldemort, Voldemort, oh fucky yummy scummy voldemort”
He reached inside himself and prepared to enthusiastically masturbate when he
screamed as he didn't have his dick anymore.
“What the fuck did you do with my fuck stick??”
“I attached it to your nose, we now have a better version of you running around
and I will fuck him instead” replied Harry coolly.
My very own pet elephant to play with. If you know what I mean. He proceeded to
fuck Voldemort in the nostril.
Voldemort hissed in pleasure. Like a fucking snake. “Oh Harry you really do
know how to please an old man like me.” Voldemort smiled and licked his lips.
“Is it my turn yet boy?”
Harry rolled his eyes, he didn't want to stop but he was a fair boy.
Harry began to recite his mantra:
“Yummy! Yummy! Voldy gives me lots of cummies! Yummy! Yummy! Give me more! I am
Voldy’s little whore! Yummy! Yummy! No more cummy? All of it is in my tummy!
Did you use a condom dummy? Oh no! Looks like I've become a mummy!”
Back, by the light of the silvery moon, Professor Lupin cast his hardest
patronus charm inside Sirius’s destroyed tailhole, the happiness filling his
steamy hot passage. Finally, as both of them were exhausted, they decided to
sniff each others butts.
Unfortunately, Sirius got his nose stick inside Lupin’s back pee hole (as
opposed to his front pee hole).
Harry glanced out the window and saw this. He got his muggle shotgun and killed
then both,
“I fucking HATE furries!”
Harry noticed that an anonymous stranger had forgotten to flush the toilet in
the Gryffindor residences. This may have been because there was simply too much
fecal matter for even a magical toilet to process. Harry began to feast; the
accompanying drink was of a rare vintage, brown with small flecks of red;
evidence of some kind of irritable bowel disorder.
He realised it was the rear entrance to the chamber of secrets and slid down to
find Voldemort waiting for him.
 
“So this is it Harry. Let's find out who the biggest slut is,” said Voldemort
through his gritted teeth.
Harry pulled out his fucking glock and popped Voldemort in his face.
“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little muggle? I’ll have
you know I graduated top of my class in Defence Against the Dark Arts, and I’ve
been involved in numerous secret raids on the Death Eaters, and I have over 300
confirmed stupifys. I am trained in magical warfare and I’m the top Auror in
the entire Wizarding armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another Death
Eater. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never
been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get
away with saying that shit to me over the Floo Network? Think again, fucker. As
we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the Wizarding World
and your fireplace is being traced right now so you better prepare for the
storm, mudblood. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call
your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill
you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my basic spells. Not only
am I extensively trained in muggle combat, but I have access to the entire
arsenal of the Ministry of Magic and I will use it to its full extent to wipe
your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you
could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about
to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you
couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn squib. I
will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking Snape'd,
kiddo.”
And so finally Harry had become the biggest slut in all of Hogwarts. Yes his
asshole has been expanded into a literal new universe of infinite distance
wide, but it was worth it. Harry had finally achieved his goal and could rest
in peace.
Little did he know that wormtail was sneaking away from the castle, having
cleaned out everyone’s anii,
“Sorry Harry,” he whispered stroking his tail (and by that I mean cock),
“you’ll have to try harder next time”
Lol I get it sex joke
 
 
Messrs Aston (yes that Aston), Jordie, Hannie, Em, Georgie, Clarie, Katie,
Ellie and Ollie are proud to present whatever the fuck this is. Art. This is
our bible.
Repent, people.
A dissertation by Oliver James Dickchards (in small part, like his cock)
 
Note from the author:
This story takes place over the period of 2 hours aprox. So please consider how
fast paced the action really is and appreciate this.
WATCH OUT FOR PART 2, it will involve donkey kong and various barrels, like,
sex barrels.
Lol sex
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!