Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/19775.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M
  Fandom:
      Smallville
  Relationship:
      Clark_Kent/Lex_Luthor, Lana_Lang/Chloe_Sullivan, Lana_Lang/Whitney
      Fordman
  Character:
      Gabe_Sullivan, Nell_Potter
  Additional Tags:
      Canon_-_TV, Holiday
  Stats:
      Published: 2006-12-29 Words: 28332
****** The Girl Who Stayed ******
by sageness
Summary
     What if Lana had discovered Clark and Lex were together around the
     time of "Heat"?
Notes
     Written for ms_hecubus, who asked what Lana's life would've been like
     if she'd discovered Clark and Lex were together around the time of
     "Heat". Many thanks to Norwich36 for the beta.
 
PROLOGUE
 
She discovered the diary sandwiched in a stack of junk on a shelf in the
garage. It didn't look like much, just a cheap notebook tucked between faded
Talon handbills and decades-old tax returns.
It definitely didn't look like something that would upend her world in the span
of an hour, but by the end of the fourth paragraph, Lana was reading the best
news of her entire life: finally, she had proof-actual tangible proof-that Nell
was completely full of it. Laura Potter had hated cheerleading and never, ever
would have forced it on her own child.
"Let's go Crows!" was the punch line of dozens of dirty jokes that revealed way
too much about the football team of twenty years ago and showed Lana wonderful,
side-splitting things about her mother's sense of humor. It was hysterical (in
a dirty way she'd never admit to in public), and yet it was sad, too.
     Half the girls on the squad have been knocked up, and half last
     year's graduating cheerleaders were pregnant when they walked in
     June. Now they're miserable nineteen-year-olds, with screaming
     newborns and nothing better to do but talk aboutDays of Our Livesand
     bitch about their husbands and the price of Pampers. Those guys ruled
     the school a year ago, but now they're indentured to the creamed corn
     factory and don't do anything but drink beer and watch football.
Laura filled pages with her dreams of what she wanted: A college degree. A
career doing something she loved, something good for people. A sense of
accomplishment.
But even after reading the diary a dozen times, Lana couldn't understand why
her mother had kept up the illusion of being the good girl bursting with school
spirit. It didn't make sense-this was her life, for goodness sake. Didn't she
have goals? Why did she hide?
At the cemetery Lana sat at her mother's headstone, head spinning with lofty
thoughts of dreams and accomplishment, but all she heard was Nell's voice in
her head telling her at all costs to 'be nice'.
Her parents, in their graves, remained intractably silent.
 
ONE
 
The trouble was there never was a fairy tale.
That was the real secret, the thing Nell had kept from her for the past ten
years. And it burned. It burned in her gut like a white-hot coal.
Nell had lied. All these years were a lie. Or maybe a dream, possibly. Nell
probably hadn't meant to be malicious. It wasn't inconceivable that she'd
simply wanted to make things easier on Lana after everything she'd been
through.
But.
It was a lot like waking up and discovering yellow was chocolate and elephants
were alarm clocks. Or that the dream was right, but the world itself was wrong.
It was surreal. Maybe there had been a fairy tale once, but it had been
poisoned, or put in a blender with a bad horror movie and a stupid cartoon. Of
course, this was Smallville. And in that light, maybe she should've seen
through Nell's particular design on reality years ago.
There was no logic to the story: A young princess was born to two kind and
loving parents who died when a strange fire hurtled down from the sky. The
girl's aunt took her in and gave her toys and dresses and parties and horses.
The princess was gentle and kind and invariably polite under even the most
trying circumstances. She was loved and adored by all, especially the handsome
star quarterback, which pleased her aunt very much.
But then Nell's fairy realm turned upside-down and merged into the empire of
Dalí, and there, young Lana's magic wand and gleaming tiara were as useful as a
wall of melted clocks.
When Lana was in seventh grade, she found the Beauty trilogy in Nell's
nightstand and spent a week reading the orange and white-spined books
surreptitiously after school, claiming too much homework to help out at the
flower shop. Nell never found out and Lana never told anyone. The last thing
she wanted was to sit through another Talk about what it meant to be a Proper
Young Lady.
But even that small defiance felt wretched, especially given what Nell did on
those regularly scheduled trips to Metropolis. Nell used to take Lana with her
to stay at the big Luthor estate on the north side of the city. But at nearly
fifteen, Nell apparently didn't trust her anymore. Lana couldn't even stay at
home by herself; she had to sleep over at Candace Miller's, where they
pretended to watch Meg Ryan movies until her parents went to sleep, and then
flipped over to Showtime to watch cute gay boys being mean to each other.
Lana watched, trying to understand why. Candace curled up in her dad's easy
chair with a loud purple afghan wrapped around her body, and Lana carefully
didn't wonder where her hands probably were.
There wasn't much in her mother's diary about sex. Seventeen-year-old Laura
talked about boys and rubbers and being really hacked off at a boy named Bobby
for demanding that she do it with him or get left in the middle of a cornfield
halfway to Grandville. She said she never told anyone except her doctor at her
annual physical. And he'd merely shaken his head and said, "Sometimes bad dates
happen."
That had to be what Nell meant whenever she cut Lana off with "Life's tough.
Deal with it." Except that ten minutes later, Nell would revert to spouting the
pretty fiction of the loving aunt and obedient niece, who was such a good,
popular, nice young girl. And so tragically orphaned. It made Lana's head spin.
She tried to talk to Clark a couple of times, since he was always there, but
all he did was blush and stammer, like he'd never even been on a date before.
Meanwhile, Whitney just wasn't someone she could confide in. She'd even tried
once, but all he did was pat her on the shoulder and tell her how pretty she
looked.
Nothing helped except the cemetery. It was always so peaceful there.
When she was in middle school, her friends had made fun of her for it, and it
was the only time she ever yelled at them. "It's just a park," she said. "The
only difference is that there are dead people under the ground-but if you think
about it, all ground had dead people in it, and millions and millions of years
of leaves, trees, animals, people, and everything!"
She had to go to a school counselor afterwards, since a teacher heard and tried
to make a big deal about it, but it didn't change Lana's mind. Everything
became dirt in the end, and dirt nourished new life, so it really wasn't such a
morbid thing at all.
People did look at her funny and hurry away when they caught her talking to her
parents out loud. She couldn't blame them, but she knew it wasn't as if her
parents were conscious in their graves or anything. It just helped her sort
things out in her head.
===============================================================================
Every now and then, she ran into Clark at the cemetery. She never asked whether
he'd followed her. That would've caused a scene, probably...and it wasn't as if
she really minded. It was sort of comforting to know that he was looking out
for her.
"Oh, look! He's still not over his case of puppy love," Nell said, laughing at
Clark behind his back whenever she came home to a gift of free Kent Organic
vegetables left in a crate by the kitchen door. Then Nell would ask about her
the football team and how things were with Whitney. Lana always clammed up and
changed the subject.
Whitney had never been to the cemetery with her. He'd never shown any interest
in the things she wanted to do, but she wasn't deaf to the gossip. Everyone
thought they were having sex and he didn't dissuade them. Which...well, it
would've been so easy for him to seduce her! They'd made out a lot. He'd pretty
much taught her how to kiss, since groping in the closet at middle school
parties didn't really count. But he hadn't pursued her-he was so preoccupied
with football and the guys on the team, it made her feel like an accessory. And
maybe that was the way it was supposed to be. He was a senior, after all. He
could have any girl in the school.
She wondered. Now that she was out of cheerleading, he didn't give her a ride
home every day. They didn't see nearly as much of each other, but they still
hung out after the game Friday and usually had a standing date set for
Saturday-unless he had to help out at the store.
Unless he didn't actually have to help out at the store and he was really out
getting laid. He might, and she would never know. After all, he was calling to
make excuses more and more often lately, and it wasn't as if they actually
talked. Not about anything with substance, at least.
It was all very confusing. And Nell was no help. Lana was pretty sure Nell
thought she and Whitney were doing it already. There had been one mortifying,
Nell-induced attempt at a Talk about it, but the phone rang and thankfully Nell
had never brought it up again.
And it was definitely not a lack of awareness of her own sex drive. After all,
it felt good when Whitney touched her. It felt good when she curled up on
Candace's couch and pressed her heel in just the right spot and shifted her
weight a little, though she wouldn't dream of doing anything more than that
outside her own room...or bathtub. But it was just really not something Nell
had any right to intrude on.
But at least there was Clark. Even if Whitney was just using her as some kind
of freaky status symbol or something. After all, the quarterback was supposed
to have a girlfriend, right? And it was even better for his image that she was
okay to look at and didn't make many demands on him. So what if he wanted to
spend his free time with the guys? Clark was standing there in the background,
just like always. And if she ever really needed someone, that was where she'd
go. Because Clark was always there, just beyond arms' reach. Kind of like her
parents. Except not.
It was a good thing.
Except for those times when she had the sneaking suspicion that in truth, she
was nothing more than a figment of Clark's imagination. Whitney's too, for that
matter.
Not that she defined herself by what other people thought or anything.
 
TWO
 
Whitney was making her crazy. He was completely into her and she loved it. Then
he forgot to call for three days until she was forced to give him the brush-off
at school to make him notice. She hated that it worked.
The phone rang and he said, "I'm so sorry, sweetie, let me make it up to you
tomorrow night? Please?" And she liked him, she really did, so she said yes.
Whitney spent their entire date talking about Mike, the Crows' offensive
lineman, and what an awesome idea Mike had had for their joint Civics project.
She almost stormed out at dinner. She almost said, "Do me or take me home." She
almost...but she only sat across from him, eating her fries, and pretended to
care about Whitney's poster board parody of breadbasket politics.
She still didn't understand why he'd picked her, but she wasn't brave enough
yet to ask him. So far, he'd cancelled two dates and a study session with her
so he could hang with Mike the offensive lineman. Offensive lineman Mike. Mike
the lineman of offensiveness. She picked at her fries and continued her own
parody of interest. Whitney was gorgeous, sweet, not-dumb, but clueless in ways
that were exasperating, and yet seemed utterly typical of teenage boys.
"He's eighteen, Lana! What do you expect?" Nell said, as if she were supposed
to completely ignore everything she wanted, just because Whitney was an idiot.
She wondered what he would do if she said to him, "I need more. Let me have
more."
Then they went to a movie and made out for a while, and she thought, yes; but
just when it was getting good, he stopped and took her home. Just like always.
It was infuriating. But she was nice. She was still a good girl, though she
wasn't a cheerleader anymore. She was just a girl trying to start her own
business and find something to do that made her happy.
But why didn't he want more? Weren't teenage boys supposed to be ruled by their
hormones? It wasn't like the locker room bragging didn't get back to her. Girls
went to the bathroom in packs for a reason, and to believe the gossip, she and
Whitney were doing it everyday-in his truck, under the bleachers, in the
stairwell, in the flower shop, in the back room at Fordman's. It wasn't as if
she could protest that she was still a virgin-not among that crowd and not that
she wanted to be.
Maybe it wasn't so bad that they were drifting. Maybe some good would come of
spending more time with Clark...assuming Whitney even noticed. At this point
she was a little afraid of how much time might pass before he did notice. But
at least...at least they weren't fighting.
Nell was still giving her grief over the cheerleading. It had expanded into a
rant over her refusal to enter the latest riding competition, and Lana had
never even meant that to be a dig at Nell; she was simply too busy trying to
save the Talon to put in adequate practice time.
That probably was the core of it. Nell didn't want to get into the coffeehouse
business. Nell didn't want either of them to get bound up in a business
arrangement with Lex. Nell simply wanted to sell the building and invest the
money in something more profitable. Like Metropolis real estate or something
equally heartless. Once Lana had overheard Pete say to Chloe that Nell would
make a wicked slum lord. She couldn't disagree.
At least Whitney wasn't making her choose between him and the Talon...and in
fact, she might talk about the Talon about as much as he talked about Mike the
Offensive Lineman. And at least they were still talking. Unlike with Nell,
things hadn't degenerated to gruff silence. Yet.
===============================================================================
A week passed, and then it all went to pieces. It just wasn't fair that
he...that she.... She'd tried to seduce him-but could he blame her? She'd
crawled into his lap at the drive-in and kissed him until they were both
gasping. She'd felt him respond, but when she reached down to open his jeans,
he'd stopped her. He'd said, "No, Lana, you don't want this."
She'd countered, "Yes I do, Whitney. I know what I'm doing."
"No, you don't," he said, to which she ground her hips down on him and bit his
neck, his earlobe, the edge of his jaw. She took his hand and pressed it
against her body...and he pushed her away. Literally shoved her over to her
side of the truck cab, started the engine, and drove her halfway home before
pulling off to the side of the road, stopping the truck, and apologizing.
She tried to take his hand, but he wouldn't let her. She fought down her anger
until she had a near-semblance of calm. "Whitney, what is it that I'm doing
wrong? I need to know."
He made a noise in his throat that she couldn't define, but he was staring out
the driver's side window, hiding his face from her. "Nothing. Lana, you're
fine. I just...."
"Do you think I'm too young or something? I'm not a child. I know what I want."
And he'd stared at her for a split second with this half-stunned, half-
horrified expression on his face before turning away again, shaking his head
roughly. She tried to force him to answer, but he wouldn't. He only said he
didn't want to talk about it and turned the engine back on.
When he dropped her off fifteen minutes later, he apologized again. She shook
it off, smiled sweetly, and said, "Let's just pretend this never happened." He
gave her an artificial little grin and drove away, leaving her to finish the
night with a long, angry bubble bath.
That was Friday. They didn't speak again until Monday afternoon.
In the meantime, at least there was Clark, who was hot on the trail of another
one of Chloe's mysteries; and thankfully, it seemed like she might be making
friends of Pete and Chloe despite herself.
 
THREE
 
They called it the Kidnapping and studiously ignored all the parts that didn't
have to do with Chloe. They didn't talk about the explosion or Lana's so-called
'psychic' powers or the fact that both of them had been equally close to death
at the deputy's hands. Not after that once, anyway.
They were still only just beginning to be friends, and Lana didn't know what
she was supposed to be feeling. There was a link between them now, and they
were trying to act like friends even though they-it wasn't that they weren't.
It was just they each seemed so nervous of the other's opinion.
And then one night at the Talon, Chloe stayed late to help clean up and
cornered her at the counter. "I need some information," she said. "I need to
know the whole story about the Kidnapping and everything you saw-and I can't
take no for an answer because, whatever it takes, I have to get some closure."
Lana said, "Chloe-" shaking her head, but Chloe lay her hands on the counter,
looked her dead in the eye, and said, "I have to start sleeping through the
night again. And I need your help."
Lana wiped down the bar, poured them a couple of decaf vanilla chai's, and
opened a pack of three-day-old brownies that had been headed for the trash.
Then she wiped down the bar again and tried to figure out where to begin.
Chloe wanted to know what it had felt like.
It was really hard to describe the visions. She barely remembered them. Mostly
she remembered the helplessness of seeing Chloe in danger and not being able to
do anything about it except give Clark vague, stupid-sounding hints and hope
whatever uncanny ability he had to save people would make up the difference.
The thing she remembered all too clearly was the killing. The bad deputy
knocking out the good deputy in the middle of the Talon. His bruising grip on
her arm as he forced her out the alley door. The stench of the dumpsters. The
humid night. His taunting and mockery. His ludicrous whine that she'd foiled
his plans to be a hero. His brilliant plan to solve his career woes by killing
her. How the double vision of seeing through his eyes, as well as her own, as
he shoved her along filled her with almost overwhelming nausea. Her view, his
view, her view, the lurch in her gut over and over, whenever he whipped his
head around at a noise behind them.
The worst part was the standoff. Even when Clark snatched her away, she was
still seeing through his eyes. All the red and blue lights strobing in the
night. The shouting. The word, "Fire!" and a split-second illusion of displaced
air before the bullet struck his brain and the world stopped.
When she finished, Chloe didn't say anything. She just dabbed at brownie crumbs
with her fingertip and sipped her chai. She looked guilty.
Lana reached out and squeezed her hand. It was warm from gripping the mug.
Chloe was surprised at the contact and so was Lana. There was little she did
without forethought, but something in her felt it necessary.
"I don't know what to say," Chloe said finally.
Lana squeezed once more and let go. "We didn't ask for this."
"Yeah," Chloe agreed with false levity. "It's not like we walk around with
signs on our backs that say, 'Hey psycho nut-jobs! Come prey on these cute,
vulnerable, teenage girls!'"
Chloe had been trying for humor, but Lana pursed her lips into a frown and
sipped her drink. "Did anyone ever tell you about Emily?"
Her brow furrowed. "Um, no, I don't think so."
"Nobody really mentions it much anymore, and I guess it's not really on topic,
but...when I was ten, I fell into the river-the same place Clark dragged Lex
out of, actually. My best friend Emily and I were down there playing on the
bank, and I slipped in the mud. There had been a lot of rain and the current
was a lot stronger than it is now, and I got swept out into the deep part.
Emily jumped in to rescue me, but she didn't make it. She drowned."
"Oh my god."
"Yeah. It was…pretty horrible. I mean, she was my best friend, and then
suddenly she was just gone. Her mom left and her dad's never been the same
since. I'm not sure I have, either, when it comes down to it. I mean, I barely
remember anything from when my parents died, but with Emily…I know it sounds
like a cliché, but it really is like a part of me died that day that I'll never
get back."
Chloe stared into her mug and nodded. "I can imagine."
"Anyway, that was the first time I had to deal with anything like that, because
it was her choice to jump in, even though it got her killed." She stopped and
scrubbed at the countertop again. "It wasn't like the meteor shower, where it
was all totally random."
"But if she hadn't, you wouldn't be here."
"Right, and I have to live with that. She died because she chose to save me. It
took me a long time to figure out that it was her decision, and there wasn't
any point in me feeling endless guilt over it. I couldn't save her. She was too
far out of reach and the current was too strong for me to get to her."
"That's so awful."
Lana sighed. "I've been thinking about her a lot lately, I guess because near-
misses remind me of her-that terrible helpless feeling when you realize
someone's going to die and there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop it."
"It's terrifying."
Lana nodded, a troubled expression clouding her face. "I've seen a lot of
people die."
Voice breaking, Chloe said, "We're really lucky Clark's around."
Lana met Chloe's eyes and looked away. "Yeah, no kidding."
 
FOUR
 
She had never been so angry at Clark. Never. Yes, she'd bumped her head. Sure,
things were flying around. They'd been airborne inside the largest tornado
central Kansas had seen in years, but making her sound like she was insane in
front of Pete and Chloe and everyone else who had already heard her version of
the story-it wasn't fair! She wasn't a liar...except when it came to Nell, but
that was different. Clark had forced his way into the truck, inside the funnel,
and gotten her safely out. She knew it. She was there. She hadn't passed out
until afterwards.
But she was learning the hard way that nobody could out-stubborn Clark Kent. If
he refused to admit the truth, there wasn't a darn thing she could do about it-
except tell Chloe her story over again in excruciating detail, answering each
of her questions as well as she could remember.
Chloe was thrilled to take her eye-witness statement, even if it would never
see the light of day beyond her private files. And even if Chloe was still
angry at Clark for ditching her at the school dance, Chloe wasn't blaming Lana
for it. Plus, Chloe was never happier than when she had a new mystery to chase,
so the interview and subsequent bonding over their anger at Clark was a peace
offering of sorts...even though Chloe insisted she was so over him. Besides
which, these days, Lana honestly didn't think of him as anything more than a
friend. Things with Whitney were too weird to consider something like that with
Clark. Assuming she ever stopped being annoyed at him.
But the cool thing was that while she and Clark had been having their spat, she
and Chloe had hung out at the Talon together three times-just the two of them-
and it hadn't been awful! She hadn't even had to put up with getting
interviewed again. All they did was talk about school and gossip about their
classmates and rave over what they were watching on television that week. It
was a wonderful surprise.
Then, Tuesday evening at the Talon, there was Clark, checking in to see if the
latest bump on the head was still giving her headaches. It wasn't much of an
apology, but she supposed it would do. He hung out at the bar nursing an
espresso milkshake while she worked, and it was good. He wasn't as dorky as he
used to be, not as desperate for attention now, and he wasn't nearly so much of
a klutz. Mostly they only talked about school stuff, and the Torch, and Chloe's
Wall of Weird, and sometimes Whitney...just so long as she didn't mention the
tornado.
Sometimes they talked about Lex, too, but usually not, since Lex had an odd
habit of showing up in the flesh just when the conversation about him was
getting good, and then Clark would blush in embarrassment at being caught and
Lana would do her best to deflect his attention by launching into the latest
news in the coffee business or her reactions to the newest business strategy
book he'd lent her. It was silly, in a way, but it was what Lex did. He pulled
them into his orbit and sucked the air out of the room until either she or
Clark had to step outside or suffocate. Well, maybe not literally suffocate,
but if Lex Luthor was in a room with you, you'd have to be dead or comatose not
to be affected.
===============================================================================
It probably wasn't very nice of her, but she couldn't help herself. How often
did one get to see Lex Luthor's contrite face? He'd been walking on eggshells
with her ever since Desiree was apprehended and he'd had the Talon's contract
redrawn. One apology had been enough, but he still seemed self-conscious with
her every time he came in. It was possible Clark was still giving him a hard
time over it. It was also possible that he was simply embarrassed at having
been so easily played. She felt a little bad for him.
The only thing to do for that, though, was to ignore it. All the books he'd
recommended on the art of business advised a strong recovery from personal
setback. Even if you were dying inside, they said never ever to allow your
opponents to see you weak. Never cry, never bleed, never show anything less
than a seamless façade. Of course, Lex had been practically weaned on
Machiavelli, so Lana had to take everything with a grain of salt, but it was
nice that he'd volunteered to make things right with her before she'd had to
make a point of it. And maybe it was a little like being bought off, but she'd
gained some greater autonomy, so she didn't have much room to complain.
It also felt like acknowledgement that she was earning her keep. And possibly
that he saw the value of the Talon as more than a means to good PR through
supporting local business. Maybe his opinion shouldn't mean so much, but
sometimes it felt like he was genuinely pleased with how much she'd learned in
so little time. And she'd be lying if she said that didn't give her a thrill.
It was one of those things she would like to ask him, one mythical day when
they could sit down and have an unguarded conversation. She wanted to know if
he was happy that she'd convinced him not to turn the Talon into a parking
garage.
Of course, he would see straight through her question, and that would be too
embarrassing for both of them, so she resolved to herself that Whitney's
letters would be enough. She sent him clippings every time the Talon was
mentioned in the Ledger. She told him all about her first time trying to run
the quarterly earnings report all by herself. She told him about the first time
she had to fire an employee. His letters in reply practically glowed with
pride. It felt amazing. It felt so much more genuine than Nell's rare and terse
pats on the back.
Meanwhile, Clark was fairly good about voicing occasional support. It was
always overly self-conscious and corny and made her feel a little like a bug
under glass, but at least it was heart-felt. His mom was the same way, whenever
she came in for the pastry receipts. Always a compliment for something, and
always from the heart, even though she never stayed very long. It was always
just enough to make her crave more.
Lex would say that if she wanted positive feedback, all she needed to do was
look in the cash register. And of course he'd be right. Money was the ultimate
stamp of approval, after all, and they had been operating in the black for
quite a while now. It was good to be successful. She was happy about it. She
would be happy about it if it killed her.
Still, she knew what would make her happier.
 
FIVE
 
"Clark! Oh, good, you're up here. I was afraid I was going to have to hike out
to the back forty to find you."
"Lex, what's wrong?"
Lex dropped down onto the couch in the loft, sweat sparkling on his scalp. "You
need air conditioning."
"It's a barn, Lex. What's going on?"
"He's driving me crazy."
"It's only been three days."
"I'm going to kill him."
"No you're not."
"Why not?"
"Because if you do, I won't be able to do-this."
"Oh-mmmmh."
"Why do you wear so many clothes? It's too hot for long sleeves."
"Part of the uniform."
"Take it off."
"Where are your parents?"
"Feed store, Fordman's, the library, and somewhere else. Home by dinnertime."
"You're the hottest thing I've ever seen."
"You're just saying..."
"Yes, Clark, I say that to all the gorgeous young guys who save me from certain
death."
"That's not what I was about to say."
"What-"
"Shh."
"Oh, oh yeah."
Clark bit down low on Lex's neck, then leaned back, smiling as he noticed the
thick bulge tenting Lex's linen slacks. Clark pulled the belt free, and
unfastened Lex's pants. A trickle of sweat ran down Lex's face. Clark bent
forward and licked it away, then pulled Lex to his feet. "Naked," he said, and
pulled pants and boxers down in one movement.
"And you?" Lex asked, sitting back down to remove his shoes and socks and fold
his clothes neatly.
Clark skinned his tee, kicked off his shoes, dropped his khaki shorts, and
grinned. "Layers suck."
"Come over here." Lex hooked his feet around Clark's ankles and pulled him in.
He licked up Clark's erection slowly, savoring, before pulling the foreskin
taut and pressing the head to his lips. "Have you come today?" Lex asked, lips
buzzing.
Clark made a long, incoherent sound. "...not since this morning."
"How long have you been hard?"
"Uh...since you drove up?"
Lex smiled up at Clark and swallowed him in.
===============================================================================
Lana stood in the shadows below, utterly silent. Every sound echoed down to her
from the boards of the roof. At her angle, she could see everything from the
level of Lex's chest up. She could see Clark thrusting into his mouth, hear him
moaning until he was shouting Lex's name and collapsing, hands grasping wildly
for the back of the couch. And then easy laughter and the thunk of something
heavy falling. And then Lex standing, naked, pale, and indescribably beautiful.
Lex smiling like he'd found the best thing ever, like he'd completely forgotten
he was a Luthor.
"That was incredible," Clark breathed.
"Glad you approve."
"You have to fuck me now."
"I do?"
"Look in the desk. Right-hand drawer. Inside the card file."
"Clever."
"Will you hurry up!"
Lex chuckled. "Maybe I should make you wait for it."
"And maybe my parents will skip the library. Hurry up and get over here."
They kissed like they were drowning. Maybe that's what happened if the first
time you met someone was when they were dead. Or your first touch was a full-
body embrace beneath the surface of a frigid stream. Or your first kiss was
pouring your air down their throat to save their life. It wasn't a surprise
that they kissed like it was the end of the world, and maybe the beginning,
too. Like nothing else existed. Like they'd stolen a reprieve from death, from
God, and might at any moment have to pay it back again.
Lana watched and couldn't breathe. Watched them move together in the afternoon
light like...something more beautiful than everything in the Metropolitan
Museum combined.
She should have slipped out the open barn door then, but didn't. She watched
them finish, watched Lex lick the evidence of Clark's second orgasm from his
hands. She watched them kiss again, watched Clark put his arms around Lex,
press their foreheads together, brush their lips tenderly together. She heard
him say, "I've never felt this way before about anybody." She heard Lex answer,
"Me either, Clark." And then there was more kissing, more soft moaning, and the
light glinting off their faces, so beautiful it hurt to look at.
That's when she darted out the barn door and across the fields home.
 
SIX
 
Well, so much for commiserating with Clark over breaking up with Whitney. Not
that he was an ideal candidate to dispense dating advice anyway, especially
given his entire lack of dating experience and everything. After all, Clark
Kent had been a social pariah for most of their lives...always the big weird
kid in the back of the class and always, always...there.
Her hands were shaking. This wasn't. Right. Clark wasn't gay. She blinked and
shook her head. Clark wasn't gay. It didn't make sense, and she was making the
face that Nell always told her would give her frown lines, so she stopped,
rubbing her forehead smooth. Clark was gay.
And Lex.
Well, everyone knew Lex was out there in one way or another. 'Faggot' was
actually one of the nicer things people called him behind his back. Too strange
and beautiful to be straight, at least in Smallville.
Clark was gay. Weird was one thing, but gay? What was the world coming to?
She chewed her lip and climbed through the barbed wire separating an empty
pasture from a field of soybeans. Clark was.... It wasn't that he was gay.
She'd watched enough Showtime. She'd been drilled in multiculturalism her
entire life. Besides, guy on guy was really sexy, and watching them had been
both terrifying and incredibly exciting in ways that she was going to have to
think about sometime when she wasn't scrambling through fields in the afternoon
heat because...Clark was gay and it didn't make sense.
Clark was her steadfast, always at hand, boy next door. He followed her around.
He helped her out of bad situations. He saved her from the creeps who didn't
get the look-but-don't-touch rule. He flirted with her, for heaven's sake. In
generally pathetic ways, yes, but his heart was in the right place, wasn't it?
He wasn't one of the legion of dumb jocks trying to score with her now that
Whitney was gone. He was Clark. Her Clark.
Wait. That wasn't right.
He was gay.
No. More important. He was in love with Lex. He was having sex with Lex. He was
in a clandestine relationship with a guy who was six years older. Although he'd
told her once that his birthday was fake, so Clark's true age was a mystery,
so....
She took a deep breath and found herself laughing. And why not? If she was
going to have an unexplainable giggle fit, it might as well happen halfway
across a few acres full of nearly ripe soybeans, right? Where no one could see
her, right? She laughed until tears spilled down her cheeks. Then the tears
came to an abrupt stop.
She could see herself stopping him at school, pulling him aside in the hallway,
asking him calmly, stupidly, "Why wasn't it me? You've liked me for years. I
don't understand what changed."
And, inexcusable rudeness aside, that was the bottom line. She'd relied on him
for years. Not only with Whitney, but with other boys, too. Clark was her
fallback...or more like her instantaneous insurance policy. If a boy started
wanting more than she wanted to give, it only took a small tilt of her head to
remind him of the competition-not that Clark was someone she particularly
wanted to date; the point, rather, was what he symbolized. And even if they
couldn't articulate it, they understood and let her draw the line.
But that meant she'd been taking him for granted for years, which wasn't what
anyone could call "nice" or "fair". And maybe it wasn't fair; but then, if life
were fair, she wouldn't be an orphan.
And Clark was gay. And doing the richest guy in town, who was the son of the
richest guy in the state of Kansas. And who was to say if it were even legal,
since no one knew how old he really was? Although Clark had always been big for
his supposed age... It made her head hurt. Or maybe that was from walking most
of a mile in the hot sun in jeans and a tank top and no hat. The hike there
hadn't been so bad, especially with the corn so high, and the shadows of the
barn had been nice and cool. And why exactly was she thinking about dehydration
and sun damage at a time like this?
Clark was gay.
But worse than that, she'd spied on one of her best friends having sex. With
another guy. Who happened to be her business partner. In a hayloft. While his
parents were away. And what on earth was she supposed to do now? She had to
tell someone, didn't she? But who? She couldn't rat them out to Clark's
parents. Mr. Kent would explode. And Nell would.... Jeez, Nell would probably
use it as leverage against Lex...or worse, Lionel, and then probably find some
way to turn the secret into a new business venture. Chloe would...be incredibly
hurt and maybe accidentally tell the whole school and then Clark would never
forgive either of them. And Pete would probably flip out completely. After all,
what could you expect from a guy who threw a fit whenever the lunch menu
changed?
Not that she was really much more than familiar acquaintances with Pete and
Chloe, especially Pete. Near-death experiences aside, she knew they put up with
her because of Clark, but that didn't really count as genuine friendship, in
her book, not yet. On the other hand, they did talk to her more than her old
cheerleading friends did, so maybe that counted for something after all. Maybe.
She'd been burned so much lately, it was hard to tell anymore. Regardless, she
really didn't want to screw up their lives. Or Clark's. Or Lex's.
Oh. Right.
Clark and Lex were having sex. The rhythm of the thought carried her across the
next long strip of crops, a few acres across by dozens in length. Finally, she
pushed her way out of the last stretch of cornfield, crunched across the
stubble of new-mown hay, climbed over her familiar white-railed fence, and was
home. And Nell, thank goodness, wasn't. Lana grabbed a bottle of water from the
fridge, changed into shorts, and headed back out the door, this time taking a
well-worn path snaking vaguely in the direction of town.
By the time she arrived at her parents' graves, she'd gathered an armload of
late wildflowers. She placed them in the little urn, splashed in some water
from the bottle, and sat down on the grass.
"I think. I think I just had one of the biggest shocks of my life since Emily
died." Lana looked around, double-checking that she was the only person in the
cemetery. "So...what do you do when you discover a secret that could wreck
someone's life? How do you hold it so that it never comes out? Because I really
don't want to hurt anybody. And I really don't want them to know that I know. I
think they would hate me, plus it would be really embarrassing. See? I'm
babbling. You can tell how freaked out I am."
"Okay, I'll calm down."
"There, that's better," she said, sitting up straighter and taking a deep
breath. "You're right about the breathing. It helps."
"I wish you were here to tell me what to do."
"I know. And what's right is for me to bite my tongue and pretend I saw
nothing, just like Nell's told me for years."
"Yes, I know she means well."
"Maybe he'll bring it up. Or slip when we're talking about him and accidentally
tell me."
"It matters because...I wanted it to be me!"
"How do you know I don't really mean that?"
"I know...I just want. I like that he makes me feel safe," she murmured. "He's
always there when I need help. I like that."
"No, I know I'm not in love with him. I mean, he's practically like a brother
after all these years."
"I don't see how it matters if he's in love with me or not."
"But...well, no! I wouldn't begrudge him falling in love with someone else. I
just...it's so sudden. I don't know how to deal with this."
She pouted. "It's hard to be his friend when he doesn't tell me anything."
"I already have told him that he can trust me with anything! His response was
totally ambivalent."
"No. I don't know what I want. No, that's not true. I want someone to kiss me
like they were kissing each other. Like the world could end and they wouldn't
even notice. I've never seen anything like it in real life. I've never seen
either of them so happy."
"That's right. I want to be happy."
"But, how?"
 
SEVEN
 
"Uh-oh."
"What's wrong?" Heather asked, not turning her head from the register. The
early morning rush was in full swing, and there was Lex, pushing through the
line, standing at the side of the counter, waiting for her acknowledgment.
"Hi, partner. The usual?" she asked, turning away to pack muffins into a box
for the lady from the dentist's office down the street.
"Sounds great."
Something in his tone made her look up, and then quickly back down at the
crimped folds of the box top. "Did something happen?"
"My father's taken over my office."
"How annoying. Here you go, ma'am. Have a great day!" Lana spun on her heel,
filled a large to-go cup with the house blend, dosed it with espresso, snagged
two biscotti from the jar on the counter, and swiveled back to face Lex's
chest. "Here. This will help."
Lex was watching her, the first sign of amusement softening his expression.
"You think?"
She was still avoiding eye contact and trying hard not to blush. "You know you
could use the office here. I mean, I'm sure it's not your first choice,
obviously, but it's available, if you'd like. Aside from us popping in for
Talon stuff, of course."
Lex gave her a half-smile. "Thanks. I may take you up on that after I finish at
the plant."
Lana nodded, calling out an awkward, "Good luck!" before tackling the next
round of double mocha fat-free lattes. And if she happened to have stared a
little too long at the sight of him slowly pushing one of the biscotti into his
mouth as he held the door for a customer in a wheelchair...well, she wasn't the
only one staring. Or shivering slightly as he turned and walked out. Oh god,
why had she offered him the office?
The Talon was taking up more and more of her time. This term, she'd managed to
get her first two class periods as a vocational elective, meaning she worked
through the rush before heading to school for third period. On Fridays, like
today, she was due back here at three. Then the girls would argue over who was
covering whose shift in order to go to the Crows game. Then it would be slow
for a few hours until close, and Lana would shower away the acrid stench of
coffee and collapse happily into bed, relishing the joy of being profitable.
===============================================================================
Seeing Clark was worse. At school, the air conditioner strained and wheezed
against summer's last stand. Autumn was still a dream, a theory, a pleasant
fiction, like a cool breeze blowing in to stir the stifling air. In English
class this year there were thirty-four kids crammed into a classroom built for
twenty-five, and the desks were shoved so close together she could smell him.
He smelled clean like soap and his own natural scent, not hay or animals...or
Lex. And she'd spent enough time in proximity to each, usually in mortal
danger, but still, she could tell.
And the worst/best part was that this oddball teacher was breaking the
curriculum down by theme this year. Man vs. Man, Man vs. Nature, Man vs.
Machine. Not even 'humanity', but 'man', which would probably send Chloe
straight into editorial-rant mode as soon as she found out, but at the moment
Lana was stuck on 'man' and 'scent' and 'scent of man' and why was it that
Clark had to sit right beside her and take up so much space? Lana followed
along in her lit book and tried hard to care about Bradbury. Except...all the
maleness was overwhelming. There were a lot of boys in this class. And it
wasn't right to be sitting there, holding a carefully studious expression on
her face, imagining different combinations of her classmates together-
especially with Clark sitting at her elbow, totally unaware that she'd watched
him and Lex...him and Lex...together the day before.
And really, if she was going to think about her classmates doing it, if she had
already spied on one of them doing it, maybe it was time that she learned to
use the f-word. Except it seemed so crude. And 'having sex' was so...non-
descript. What else did you call it when it wasn't making love? 'Screwing'
wasn't any easier for her to say and 'doing it' sounded stupid, but what she'd
watched yesterday afternoon wasn't really 'love-making' until the last part
before she'd left. Before that, it was two guys...enjoying each other, being
playful…and hungry. The emotional part came later.
It surprised her that it could be separate like that in real life, but it
didn't seem like a bad thing...which sort of made her want to ask the people
who preached abstinence if sex wasn't also supposed to be lighthearted and a
little silly and fun.
Nell would be scandalized...not that Lana would ever actually say it. And yet.
Clark still looked happy. Maybe part of it was that he actually liked this sci-
fi stuff they were reading at the moment, but...she shook her head slightly. So
many things were beginning to make sense. She finally understood what they
meant by the term 'well-fucked'. It was sitting next to her.
Also, she'd fed Lex breakfast that morning. And that blew her mind a little.
Why wasn't there some kind of guide to explain how she was supposed to feel
about that?
Which made her wonder...how many of her other customers were coming to her for
post-sex libations? She used to be able to tell, back when she was a
cheerleader, when someone had just had a quickie in a car or the locker room.
And it still bothered her that Whitney had never asked her. It was something
she should have found out before he left...but how do you ask someone something
like that? Hey, Whitney, why didn't you ever do any of those things to me that
you used to brag to your teammates about? Did you have too much respect for me?
Or were you out getting blown by a linebacker while I was at home being good?
Which is something she would never in a million years say out loud. Or even
admit to wondering...at least not until she learned to say the word 'fuck'
without blushing. But in her head, she was busy conducting an inventory of all
of her Whitney memories, examining them for interest and sobriety and whether
he'd been flirting with her or another girl or a teammate. It probably wasn't
fair to him. It was probably just her paranoia on account of Clark. But what
if? What if there was something about her that drew psychos and stalkers to her
like moths to flame? And attracted pretty, well-built boys with extremely close
male friends who liked to put her up on ridiculously high pedestals. Or some
idealized nonsense-version of herself, rather, because there was no way that
anyone who knew the real Lana Lang would ever bother.
But then, how many people did she allow close enough to know the real her? That
was a lot to ask for in a town that had X-Files rejects crawling out of the
woodwork on a weekly basis. It also went contrary to almost everything Nell had
ever taught her about how to be with boys. On the other hand...when she thought
about it, Nell seemed to treat all men as if they were start-ups pitching for
her investment. As near as Lana could tell, love didn't enter the picture at
all, or even having fun with the guy-much less cultivating a real friendship.
It was all about getting a lucrative return. It was a little horrifying.
===============================================================================
After the bell rang, she and Clark walked up to the Torch office to meet Chloe
for lunch. He chattered happily about the Bradbury story. She was confused
about his exuberance until he started in on the rise of technology replacing
human feeling and what an awful place the world would be if people didn't
genuinely care about each other.
Lana smiled. "Lex came by the Talon this morning."
"Yeah?" he asked, cheeks flushing slightly.
"He doesn't seem to share space with his father very well. I offered him the
Talon office, if he can stand the smell of espresso and forty-year-old
popcorn."
Clark laughed. "I seriously doubt it's as bad as his office at the plant."
"Really?"
"Raw manure goes in, noxious chemical fertilizers come out. Even the
administrative wing doesn't really smell right."
"Ew."
"Yeah. Anything's better than being cooped up with Lionel, but the Talon beats
the plant any day."
===============================================================================
Chloe took over the conversation as soon as they walked through the door,
bubbling over with a new Wall of Weird mystery, which allowed Lana to sit back
and watch Clark. He planted his hands on Chloe's desk much like he'd done on
the back of the couch in his loft the day before. He had a really long back.
She wondered if there were marks under his t-shirt. Scratches or hickeys or any
proof of what she'd seen. She wondered if he was leaning forward like that
because his rear-end was sore or because he was simply too tall to read over
Chloe's shoulder. Or both.
This was probably not the best way for her to be handling things. She saw Clark
everyday. She saw Lex at least weekly, and it might become daily if this thing
with his dad kept up. She had to get a grip. Or at least catch them kissing.
Then she would be in on the secret, and the pressure would go away. Right?
Possibly? She hoped.
===============================================================================
When she clocked in at three, Lex was in the office staring at his laptop and
scratching figures on a legal pad. "Sorry, I'll just be a second," she said,
stowing her backpack and tying on an apron.
"Hmm?" Lex blinked and looked up.
"Hi," she answered, laughing softly.
He smiled and went back to his notes. "No problem."
 
EIGHT
 
In the dream, the sky was yellow, the sun was pink, and there were three large,
colorful moons breaking up the sky. Ahead of her unfolded an endless prairie of
some kind of tall turquoise grass or grain. It looked almost like barley,
except for the color.
She was wearing a white sundress with yellow and orange gingham trim. There was
a white bow in her hair. She wore white tights and white patent mary-janes. She
was five years old and racing through the field as fast as her legs would run.
Far in the distance, there was a dust trail and a boxy silver vehicle driving
across the field toward the fat, pink sun. She waved her arms as she ran. She
yelled, "Wait! Wait for me!" She aged as she ran, a day with every step. She
ran and she ran. Still she waved her arms and yelled. Still the shiny truck
drove west, light glinting off the windows and dust trail rising behind. She
ran and she shouted and shouted, "Mommy! Come back!"
She awoke with tears on her face, the word "Mommy" falling from her lips.
===============================================================================
Twenty minutes later she knelt on the rubber surface of her passenger side
floor mat at her parents' graves, umbrella clutched tightly in one hand and
Kleenex in the other. It was nearly four, and the rain was cold and steady. She
would need a shower to warm herself back up again.
"Did you lie to Nell?"
"Is Nell lying to me, or did you somehow manage to keep the truth from her?"
"Daddy, you're not even my father. What am I supposed to call you?"
"I know. Clark and I already talked about it. What family means when you're an
orphan. I think he was wrong. I think Lex was right about the stupid Pandora's
box thing. I think I was an idiot to throw away my illusions. I think Nell was
right to paint me a picture of two parents who loved each other and loved me,
too. Now I don't know who you are anymore...and that scares the hell out of
me!"
The rain grew heavier as she sobbed harder, and it gave her an odd sense of
comfort. "Mommy...Mom, why didn't anyone tell me? This is Smallville. Everyone
knows everything about everyone! How could everyone neglect to mention your
separation? There were pictures! That meant someone else was there taking the
pictures. Someone had to have known. Someone knew and didn't tell me!"
"I have a father who isn't dead."
"What am I supposed to do now?"
"I could have had grandparents. Aunts, uncles, cousins. A step-mother. Step-
brothers and step-sisters. I could've had a real family."
"Oh, no. Nell does not count."
"She lied to me."
"Don't give me that! I know it! I can feel it in my heart! She lied."
"Of course I believe you loved me."
"Oh, Daddy. Yes, I know you loved me, too. You were there when I was born. You
were my daddy for the first three years of my life. I know that."
"But Nell didn't want to adopt me. Henry could've."
"Then he should've done the math!"
"What do you mean, what if he never forgave you for hurting him? After the
meteor shower, he should have. He should have come for me."
"Don't call me irrational. It's bad enough that I'm sitting in a cemetery in
the rain at four in the morning arguing with my dead parents. Don't-" She let
out a startled laugh. "Wow, I'm angry. I'm really angry."
"It's like losing you all over again."
"I think I need to write Whitney. Maybe talk to Clark. Maybe Chloe. I totally
get why she doesn't try to contact her mom now. I think there's only so much
abandonment people are meant to take."
"I'm sorry for yelling. I know you love me. I love both of you, too."
"I still don't know what to do about Nell. It's not okay for her to lie about
stuff like this. I don't know what she thought she was doing. If he's my
biological father...I mean, how could she keep that from me?"
"No, I don't buy the age thing. Last year, my Health teacher was all, 'If
you're old enough to ask, you're old enough to hear the answer,' and that is
probably the best.... Well, except in cases where you're really not ready to
know and it…gets you in completely over your head…like Pandora."
"I really am an idiot, huh?"
"I don't expect him to map my life out for me. He's a lawyer and an activist.
You were a housewife who wanted to change the world. So you probably had all
that idealism in common. If I knew who took those photographs, I might know
even more. For all I know, all three of you were best friends and all of this
was just some ridiculous drama or you had too much to drink and things went too
far. Maybe you were friends again by the time of the meteor shower. Maybe he
wanted to be in my life and Nell wouldn't let him. There are a million maybes,
aren't there?"
"None of them matter, do they?"
"I have the Talon. And school. And a handful of friends. That's enough, right?
I mean, it's not like what Clark has with his family, but.... Clark says his
dad always tells him that you always get what you need, whether or not it's
what you actually want. I hate that idea. Why do I need to be an orphan? Why do
I need to be rejected by my biological father?"
"If this is supposed to make me stronger, I ought to be the strongest person on
the planet by now."
The sky was still black and overcast, but the rain had let up to a dribbling
mist. "No, I really doubt that it'll be easier in the morning, especially since
the morning is almost here." A few early birds were chirping. They would be
feasting on waterlogged worms at first light.
"Sorry, sorry. I'm just...angry. I think I'm going to drive over to the Talon
now and try to catch a little sleep before we open. Or maybe clean something."
 
NINE
 
"No! I can't believe you would assume that!"
"Lana, please. Just give it some thought. We'll talk about it more later."
"I said no."
"Just consider it, all right?"
That was as far as they'd gotten. Dean wasn't talking to her, under the guise
of respecting her autonomy. Nell was alternately silent and argumentative, but
she'd started leaving brochures on the kitchen table for her to look at. The
equestrian center. The Metropolitan Museum of Art. The ballet. Summer youth
programs that ran the gamut from life-drawing to kickboxing, proving yet again
that Nell didn't have any idea who Lana was now. At least she'd finally stopped
pushing her towards cheerleading camp.
Now that she knew she was welcome, Lana was spending at least one night a week
at Chloe's. It was still strange, feeling her way into a real friendship with
her. Chloe talked a mile a minute, especially when she was nervous. They hadn't
gotten past the fluttering anxiety yet, but it was getting better. For some
reason Chloe was really horrified by the idea of Lana spending nights alone at
the Talon, even locked up tight with the blinds drawn and alarm system armed.
It was kind of sweet.
She hadn't thought Chloe would have much of a protective streak. But then, home
was a big deal to Chloe. Not that Chloe herself spent that much time there, but
one night she started talking about what things had been like after her mom
left. About how Gabe had made her see how their apartment was still home, even
though her mother wasn't there anymore. And then, when they moved to
Smallville, how important it had been to come along with her dad to choose and
decorate a house.
Lana thought she understood. It was, in a way, like redecorating the Talon.
She'd made it hers in a way that nothing had ever been before. Lana felt safe
there and relished each chance she had to spend the night on the antique chaise
under the gold and black portrait of Bast. She slept far better there than she
did in her own bed, pretending not to hear Nell and Dean's noises from the
other side of the house. Better even than in Chloe's guest room, with the glare
of the neighborhood streetlights seeping in.
 
TEN
 
A few weeks had passed since she'd seen Clark and Lex together. She didn't drop
in randomly at the Kents' anymore, and they had a tendency to do their group
projects at the Talon anyway. It was safer that way, or so she thought. And
then one afternoon she swept into the office to tally the week's supplies order
and found them kissing.
Obliviously kissing, with Clark sitting on the edge of her desk, holding Lex's
body tight against him. Lex's fingers clutched tight through Clark's thick,
wavy hair, and neither of them had heard her running shoes squeak on the
polished concrete floor.
"Um, guys?" she said, after making sure the door had swung shut behind her.
They whipped apart, Lex pivoting to stand at Clark's shoulder, his face a mask
of deadly calm. Clark was blushing, sucking a saliva trail from his lower lip,
and looking like he was willing himself, or maybe her, to vanish into thin air.
She could see the attack flaring in Lex's eyes.
"It's okay, I'm not going to tell anyone. But you can't do this here," she said
quickly, too quickly, and it sounded utterly inadequate to her own ears but she
didn't know what else to say.
"Lana-" Lex started, and there was an unmistakable threat in his voice.
"You're not surprised," Clark blurted. He was still sitting on her desk, eyes
narrowed and face a little slack.
And she couldn't lie, not about this and not their faces, so she said, "You're
right." And it made her feel as caught as they were.
Lex looked at Clark sharply, then back at her. "How long have you known?"
"A while now."
"Oh crap," Clark said at the same moment Lex asked, "How?"
"I haven't told anyone. And I won't, I promise," she said, looking from one to
the other, eyes settling on Clark. "No one else knows, at least as far as I
know. I understand how much you both have to lose."
Lex made a face. "How did you find out?"
"I saw you in the barn one day when I dropped by to hang out. I didn't want to
intrude, so I left."
"God, Lana..." Clark was shaking his head, a stricken look creeping over his
face as the fear began to register.
Lex put an arm around him. "Hey, it's going to be all right. I won't let
anything happen."
Clark swallowed visibly and ran a hand through his hair. "I just...nobody's
supposed to know, Lana. No one can know."
"I understand."
"No, you can't. You can't even imagine," Clark said, voice tinged with
desperation.
She spoke softly, counting off on her fingers. "There's the age difference,
Lex's career, your high school career, both of your fathers-but especially
yours, Clark. There's no telling what he might do to Lex. Also, what this town
would make of…that kind of scandal involving a Luthor, the media, possible
legal issues-"
Lex took a deep breath. "I'd say she gets it, Clark."
"Look," she went on, "ever since I saw you, I've been thinking about the
implications. This is a big deal and I appreciate that."
Clark snorted. "It's a huge deal. You could sell the story to a tabloid and
destroy Lex's life! Not to mention mine...."
"Clark-" Lex began.
"And he would destroy mine right back," she snapped. "Clark, I know you're
upset and in shock, but you don't need to lash out at me, all right?"
His shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry."
"It's going to be all right, Clark. I promise," Lex said, giving Clark's
shoulder a firm squeeze.
"Guys-" She paused, looking from one to the other as she chose her words.
"You're my friends. And you're both happier than I've ever seen you. I wouldn't
ruin that."
Clark looked at her, eyebrows arched up in the center. "You mean it?"
Lana smiled wryly. "This is what friends do. They support each other." She
watched their silent conversation as they glanced from her to each other, and
finally gave her a tentative nod.
Lana glanced at the clock and made a snap decision. Work was work, after all,
and this was still her office. "Why don't I give you some time?" she asked with
an apologetic smile. "I actually have some work I have to do in here before the
restaurant supply closes, but I can spare fifteen minutes or so."
With a frown, Clark straightened, eyeing the door. "No, it's okay. Work is...."
"I'm really sorry."
"Don't worry about it."
"Also, Lex, it doesn't have to be today, but when you have a minute there's
some business I need to go over with you."
Clark let out an audible sigh. Lex smiled and nudged his arm. "Lana, why don't
we take care of that now? Clark, do you want to wait here or..."
"I'll head home. I've got chores."
"All right. I'll come over as soon as I'm done." Lex touched his shoulder
again, and Lana smiled up at him sympathetically as he slipped out the door.
"I am so sorry, Lex. I had no idea he was in here with you."
Lex scowled. "It would have happened sooner or later. We're lucky it wasn't one
of the others."
"Is he...?"
"He'll be okay. I'm sure you know how much he likes surprises."
She nodded. Clark wasn't the only one.
"So, what did you want to discuss?"
She searched his eyes for a moment. There was no point in presenting her idea
if he was too unsettled to hear it right then, but then Lex's professional face
slid on and all trace of his private life evaporated into thin air. It was a
little unnerving, but at least she knew she had his attention.
"Well," she began, "we did so well with the booth at Harvest Fest that I want
to put in a bid to run one at football games. That's where all our Friday night
business is anyway, so I figured why not go to them?" She smiled and fidgeted
with the hem of her apron. "However, we either have to outbid or find a
loophole in the stadium's current concessions contract for them to let us do a
trial run. I emailed you what I've learned so far and what I think we should
do, but I wanted to get your thoughts on our options before I move forward on
it. But...there are only six games left in the season, unless we make playoffs,
so it's kind of time sensitive."
"Okay, anything else?"
"Actually, yes," she hesitated for a moment, steeling herself. "This is
probably the worst possible time to ask, but...I need a favor."
Lex raised an eyebrow and waited.
"I'm not moving to Metropolis with Nell and Dean; but if I'm going to stay, I
have to resolve the guardianship issue. The trouble is, becoming an emancipated
minor can supposedly take up to eighteen months and I can't wait that long."
"What exactly are you hoping for?"
"Well, I was wondering if you could pull some strings. Or help me find a pushy
lawyer?"
"Better to find an agreeable judge."
She looked up at him hopefully. "That works for me…if you're willing."
Lex took a deep breath and gave her an appraising look. "You're sure? Being out
on your own at your age is a serious decision."
"Absolutely sure. Chloe and her dad invited me to move in, which is great; but
to be honest, this has more to do with my responsibilities here. Legally, I
can't even sign a contract for coffee delivery without either your or Nell's
authorization, even though-"
"Even though you're the entrepreneur. Right," he said, and then paused. "Have
you spoken to Nell about this yet?"
She shook her head. "I want to have a plan first."
"You realize that if she chooses to fight, it won't be easy for you."
Lana met his eyes, resolute. "I'm not abandoning what I've built here."
Lex nodded, smiling slightly. "Okay, then. I'll make some calls in the morning
and get you a timeframe."
"Thank you, Lex. Really, I can't tell you how much this means to me."
"You will keep a lid on...my private life."
She grinned up at him, eyes sparkling. "Treat him right, okay? He's crazy about
you."
Lex looked at her for a long moment. "That wasn't a yes."
"Of course it's a yes!" she said with an exasperated smile. But he wasn't
softening; his eyes were the steely gray that meant he was ready to do severe
harm if he didn't get his way. "Lex, seriously, I've had time to come to terms
with...my surprise, and the important thing is for you both to be happy. You
can trust me, all right?"
He studied her face for a moment, and then returned her smile. "Thanks."
"Just...please, not in the office?"
Lex laughed. "I don't think you'll need to worry about that."
===============================================================================
The evening crowd was light. Between washing dishes, wiping down tables, and
marking down two-day-old pastries, she'd had far too much time to think.
Especially after she sent Heather home for the night. She'd caught them, but
she still couldn't talk to anyone about it. And she honestly wasn't sure if her
feelings were any clearer now than they'd been as she was hiding in the shadows
of the barn. It did help that she'd gotten used to the idea. And voiced her
support. And Lex's agreement to keep it out of the office was a major relief.
Plus, it was fantastic that he was going to help her with the emancipation
process. This way she could stay, and keep the Talon, and there would be
nothing Nell could do to stop her. Nothing.
Also, it was a total relief that Lex hadn't threatened her. He didn't need to,
but still. It felt almost like an acknowledgment that they were on the same
side.
At closing time, she hauled the garbage out to the dumpster, locked the back
door, and returned to find Clark sitting at the counter.
"Need any help?" he asked.
"Actually, I just finished. Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I just wanted to apologize for freaking out earlier. I didn't mean to
take it out on you."
"It's okay, Clark. I was pretty upset when I first found out. I know this
wasn't the way you meant for things to happen."
"Are you...?"
"What?"
He tried again. "I mean...see, Lex went through all of this years ago, but
he...he's never really tried to hide it, you know?"
"I meant it, I promise I won't tell anyone."
"No. Well, not no. I mean thanks, I'm glad. But what I meant was it can be hard
when you find out something about someone and your perspective changes and..."
his voice trailed off into an inaudible whisper.
"Are you asking if I think any less of you?" she asked, looking at him
carefully.
He bit his lip. "Um, maybe?"
"Clark, you're not a bad person for liking…Lex, but it does explain a lot."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, how secretive you are. If this is what you couldn't tell me for all this
time, I understand. It's a private thing, especially in a place like
Smallville."
Clark seemed to mull that over for a while before asking, "You're not mad?"
"Honestly, Clark, I'm just confused." She laid her hands on the counter and
looked up at him. "I don't understand why we spent so long flirting if you
weren't interested." She stopped, unsure of herself. "It was flirting, wasn't
it?"
"It's...complicated," he replied, doing one of those full-body shrugs, like he
was adjusting the weight of the world on his shoulders.
A long moment passed and then she said, "I'd appreciate it if you'd try. I
really want to understand."
Clark sighed deeply. "This is going to sound really bad."
"All right." She squared her shoulders and folded her hands on the counter.
"Consider me forewarned."
"God, um...how do I say this? Did you ever like someone just because you always
had? I mean, it's like it started when I was so young that I never questioned
it. It was kind of like a movie in my head that came on automatically."
"Then what happened?"
"I got really confused."
"What do you mean?"
"I met Lex. And you were with Whitney, but as Lex and I were starting to become
friends, you and I were, too, finally. And the image in my head sort of didn't
fit anymore."
She frowned. "Go on."
"I guess what I mean is the flirting was real. Everything was real. And the
parts where everything felt awkward and wrong were real, too."
"Hmm." She pursed her lips and fiddled with her ponytail for a moment. "That
kind of makes sense."
"I never meant to hurt your feelings. I just didn't know...."
"You had to figure out what you wanted from each of us," she said slowly,
wondering why she wasn't angrier.
Clark frowned slightly and then nodded. "Yeah, you could say that."
She gave him a thoughtful nod. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yes," she said, and smiled because it really was. "That's actually a really
good thing."
"It is?"
"Clark," she said patiently, "I don't want to waste my life trying to decipher
mixed signals. This is why I like honesty so much."
"Oh," he said, guilt bright in his eyes. "I'm sorry."
She squeezed his hand between her own for a brief moment and gazed up at him.
"Thank you, but don't be. You're in love with him, right?"
She watched him blush, then laugh self-consciously. "Yeah, I think I am."
Maybe Nell's training was good for something, because even though her stomach
was clenched tight with knots, she didn't burst into tears and she didn't throw
up. Instead, she just smiled and said, "Good, good for you."
"I guess," he said, blushing harder. "It's kind of terrifying."
"Why?"
And maybe her tone was just a little too revealing because Clark frowned and
said, "I thought you and Whitney were-"
She looked away. "Believe me, it wasn't anything like what you've got."
"Oh. Oh." He looked at her with wide eyes. "I'm sorry."
"It's no big deal."
"Lana, we're still friends, right?"
She gave him a wry smile. "Yes, Clark. Maybe better than we ever were."
 
ELEVEN
 
She really had only lied a little.
The lie of omission was the part about how intensely jealous she felt. But what
could she possibly say? Besides, it was envy, not jealousy. She wanted to be
held like that, to be kissed like that. To be...yes, to be fucked with the
intensity with which Lex had done Clark. She wanted that feeling, not the boys
themselves. Except for the small part of her that wouldn't mind that at all.
But that was the part that had never minded what Candace did under her blanket,
and the internet was a beautiful thing for learning your way around erotica. So
what if she had fantasies? Didn't everybody?
It wasn't a lie that what mattered was for the guys to be happy. They were
really brave even to try to have a relationship under the circumstances, and
she felt weirdly proud of them for it. Especially since she knew that Lex
wouldn't risk it unless it were real-not when he could get whatever sex he
wanted from Metropolis. But here he was risking so much for a relationship.
She ached for that. And now more than ever she wondered what Whitney had been
thinking. She'd gone as far as asking him in her last letter, but he hadn't
replied yet.
It was nice that they were really talking now, in their letters, in ways they'd
never done while he was here, and he was turning out to be a really interesting
person. But then, Whitney was comfortable...like a well-broken-in pair of
shoes. Which meant, in a weird way, that they were genuinely friends now. All
trace of the spark between them was gone.
Meanwhile Lex and Clark were probably...probably humping like bunnies at that
very moment. And why did her mind keep coming back to that image anyway! She
needed to get over it. There were a million more important things to be
thinking about. Like what she was going to tell Nell and Dean about staying.
Like the English paper due Monday that she barely had an outline for. Like what
living with Chloe and Mr. Sullivan would be like. Sleeping over was one thing.
Having her own room was going to be...she really couldn't begin to imagine. But
if it didn't work out, she could always move into the studio above the Talon.
And maybe she wasn't quite as happy for Clark as she'd acted, but he was so
miserable that she had to be supportive. After all, he hadn't planned to get
himself outed today. He was upset for good reason.
Nothing was ever simple. Sympathy and envy, bundled up together. It was like a
conspiracy.
And what if the old cliché were true? What if she was only feeling this way
because he was taken? If Lex had snubbed him, would she still be interested?
Probably not so much, in all honesty. What if that really was just human
nature?
She skimmed through the end of her assigned chapter of The Once and Future King
and grabbed her jacket. It was only eleven, and she was thinking herself in
circles trying to muddle through it all.
"Hey, where ya going?" Dean called from the living room. He and Nell were
curled up on the couch watching a movie.
"To the...cemetery," she stammered, white-knuckling the newel post. They were
supposed to be in bed by now.
"The cemetery? At this time of night?"
"Dean," Nell murmured something inaudible, then smiled at Lana. "Remember to
take your Maglite, dear. We'll leave the porch light on for you."
"Thanks." Lana left Dean's protesting, "You never told me she..." behind her
and set off down the path. The moon was full enough to see by. The flashlight
was theoretically for self-defense...which wouldn't do her any good if someone
yanked it from her hand and bludgeoned her to death with it. But taking it made
Nell feel better, so she did, even if she never used it.
Lana had been coming out here in the middle of the night since she first
realized she knew the path by heart. By the time Nell first caught her sneaking
back in, Lana was eight years old. It helped with the nightmares. And the
insomnia. And whenever she had nights like tonight, when there were simply too
many thoughts swirling around in her head and no one else to share them with.
She was going to miss walking this path. Chloe's house was too far away,
meaning she would have to drive to get here. But that was okay. The neighbors
all knew her. No one would expect her to give up the comfort of her parents
along with her house. Even if it meant a noisy truck breaking the silence of
the night.
Graveyards were beautiful by moonlight. Or, this one was-she didn't exactly
frequent any others, but she loved the way the silver light fell on the
monuments. She loved the peacefulness, as well as the occasional nocturnal
entertainment. She'd watched raccoons, turtles, deer, rabbits, and skunks
foraging in the night. Sometimes there were cats. More than once she'd watched
owls swoop down to snatch some small squeaking thing out of the grass. They
were used to her. This was as much her territory as theirs.
Ever since middle school, Lana had been careful to pace the perimeter of the
cemetery before coming in at night. As a child she'd been very lucky that
nothing had ever happened to her, but she had a ritual now. She checked her
surroundings, made sure all was quiet, sent silent greetings to the graves she
passed along the edges of the path, and then walked to the back corner where
her parents lay.
"Hi," she whispered as she knelt down on the dewy grass before their marker.
"Will you help me? I really don't know what I'm supposed to do now. Everything
feels so strange."
"I mean, Whitney's gone. And Clark's with someone new and he's really in love
and it isn't with me, which shouldn't be such a blow to my ego, but...he was
always there, and now he's not. And I think Chloe's my only friend, and I guess
we're getting there slowly, but it's not like when you meet someone and you're
instantly best friends forever, you know?"
"And Nell. They're leaving, and I have to tell them I'm not going. I have to
get a judge to grant me emancipation so I can run the Talon legally. And Lex is
helping, which is great and I'm really grateful, but..." she trailed off, tears
dripping from her cheeks.
"I'm in so far over my head here. All I wanted was for her to.... Mom, why's
she leaving me? She's your sister! She promised she'd take care of me. She
isn't supposed to run off with an insurance adjuster! It isn't right. I need
you...and she's the last little bit of you I have left."
Lana sat back and curled her arms around her knees, rocking slightly. "I know
it's stupid. I know I should just get over myself and deal. But she said yes to
the move without even asking me. Do you have any idea what that feels like?
Like none of our life here means anything to her. Like what I want doesn't
matter to her at all. She was just waiting for Prince Charming to come so she
could toss everything we had to the wind."
She choked on a brutal laugh. "I know she's not going to fight for me. She's
trying to bribe me to go willingly. Like I'm supposed to care about horses and
museums more than my life here."
"She won't give up Metropolis and I won't give up the Talon. At least Dean's
smart enough to stay out of it."
"I wish," she said, wiping her face, "I wish she wanted me. I wish she wanted
me around like Chloe's dad does her. I hate feeling like some inconvenience to
her life. I mean, I know she didn't ask to get stuck with me, but I didn't ask
to get orphaned, either!"
"I don't want to go home. I don't know what home is anymore."
"What do I think? I think Chloe and her dad have a real home, and I wish I did.
And I think that my room there probably won't be like.... I don't know." She
yawned, then laughed a little. "Look what you did. It's going to be weird
having to drive over here to cure my insomnia."
"I miss you."
"At work today, Heather made a crack about me working too much. She said that I
shouldn't let the Talon consume my life. But I like it there. I like that it's
mine and I made it and everyone can see that it's there because of me. It's
like proof that I exist. Kind of like Chloe and the Torch. It's like we're both
driven to show the world we're more than just some random girl in a cute top."
"I think I might spend less time there if I had somewhere else worth being,"
she said in a glum whisper. "I guess that's stating the obvious."
"I suppose a finding a new boyfriend isn't going to solve my problems, either."
"You think I'm putting the cart before the horse?"
"Oh."
"It's a wonder I don't have an ulcer, huh?"
"Okay."
"A new leaf? Wow, we're all about the proverbs tonight, aren't we?" She giggled
softly and looked around. A small family of deer was picking its way through
the lower end of the cemetery; otherwise, all was quiet except for the crickets
and tree frogs.
"All right. I think I can sleep now. Thanks for the talk."
When Lana got home, the house was silent. She turned off the lights, climbed
the stairs, and dropped into the most restful sleep she'd seen in weeks.
 
TWELVE
 
The green chairs were ugly. There were only a few, but she wanted to hide them.
She was half-inclined to lug them up the stairs and toss them into the studio.
Or put them out on the sidewalk for anyone to take. Or drag them into the alley
in hopes that a generous garbage man would take them, even though they weren't
placed correctly within the confines of the dumpster. Inside the Talon there
were twenty-four maple chairs, a dozen steel barstools, eight couches, the
chaise, and fourteen armchairs. The green ones were ugly.
It was after midnight and she was still rearranging. She liked the way the
camel upholstery went with the burgundy, but the burgundy fought with the too-
bright purple. Likewise, the blue was completely the wrong hue value, but it
worked with the brushed steel and the pearl-colored settee. Granted, the pearl
fabric was splotched muddy with spilled latte, but at least the stain was in a
complimentary shade, as if someone had rubbed a facial masque into the knap.
But still, it wouldn't hurt to take a squirt-bottle of Resolve to it, later,
when she had a minute.
The green chairs just looked tacky. Like something long forgotten from
someone's spinster great-aunt's attic. And considering that she'd picked them
up at a garage sale, that was probably exactly what they'd been. But! She could
do slip covers. Or have someone else do them, since she herself couldn't sew
anything more complicated than a button, but Heather's aunt was crafty. Maybe
she would agree to do it for not much more than the cost of fabric and free
coffee.
It looked too organized to divide the colors evenly across the room. It looked
too silly to segregate them into the bands of a rainbow. She was rearranging
according to style, texture, and era of furniture design when Chloe banged on
the front door.
Lana let her in and keyed the deadbolt behind her.
"It's nearly one," Chloe began.
"Is it?"
"It's a school night."
"I did my homework already."
Chloe wrapped her arms around her. "It's going to be okay."
Lana took a deep breath and realized she was shaking. She didn't relax, though.
She couldn't relax.
Chloe pulled away. "It is. You're going to be fine."
She shrugged and pushed the gold loveseat sideways until it sat catty-corner
from the cushy black brocade sofa.
"Tell me you're not going to stay here rearranging furniture all night."
"I have to get everything back in order before we open."
"I know it hurts, Lana. It sucks. It really does."
"Yeah, but it shouldn't. I've known it was coming for months now."
"That doesn't make it any easier to watch the trucks drive away."
Lana scowled and strode across the room to the bar. Good intentions, Chloe was
full of good intentions and she was absolutely not going to resent her for it.
Except for all the ways in which she did because she honestly didn't want to
look at it. She just wanted to rearrange the furniture and make herself feel
like she was accomplishing something...tangible. If maybe not terribly
important.
And then Chloe was behind the bar with her.
"What are you doing?" Lana asked sharply.
"Trying to help."
"I-" She wasn't going to scream. She couldn't scream. "I appreciate it, Chloe.
I just...I need to do this right now."
Chloe looked at her for a long moment, wide hazel eyes brimming with concern,
and it was suddenly, or maybe finally, too much. Chloe was getting too
infuriatingly good at getting under her skin.
"Hot chocolate," Chloe said, and tears began streaming down Lana's cheeks.
Chloe reached for mugs and spoons. Lana pulled the big jar of mix from under
the counter, scooped, held the hot water spigot. Chloe put the mix away, handed
her the whipped cream. Lana tried to giggle at that. Couldn't. Chloe smiled
anyway and aimed them toward a couch, squishy and chocolate-colored, nested
with two butterscotch armchairs and a battered deco coffee table supporting an
ancient, tattered Rand McNally Atlas of the World. They didn't speak for a long
time.
"You don't have to do this," Lana said at last. "I don't want you to get in the
habit of playing midnight therapist with me."
"Okay, then let's just pretend we're friends."
"We are friends."
Chloe scowled at her. "Yeah, that's kind of my point."
"Chloe-"
"Will you please just let me worry about you? This isn't like you're whining
about some insignificant problem I've heard forty times before. This one counts
as serious."
"I don't want to think about it."
"Can you honestly tell me you've been thinking about anything else every time
you moved one of these chairs tonight?"
Lana swallowed hard. "What if I just don't want to talk about it?"
"Then I'm going to sit here and drink hot chocolate and watch you rearrange the
furniture until I fall asleep."
"Chloe, that's ridiculous. You should go home."
"It's okay to be upset, I promise."
Lana pushed a stray hair out of her face, then stopped to pull her hair down
and remake the ponytail from scratch. "I cried earlier."
"Okay."
"I cried a lot. I don't want to cry anymore."
"Okay."
After a long moment she said, "I wanted her to want me."
"Yeah."
"She could have fought for me. She could've tried to force me to go with her.
She could've stayed. She didn't."
"It hurts."
"Lex warned me that it would probably be bad. But," she stopped and swallowed
hard, "I thought he was talking about screaming matches. I didn't know there
would be so much...silence."
"I know. It's awful."
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do now."
Chloe looked around the Talon, empty and overly bright. "This is what you
stayed for, right?"
"But is it worth it? I mean, Whitney was the only one who was ever really
supportive of me doing this. Nobody else goes out of their way to tell me it's
worth the effort. I mean, with Nell...it became such a sore point." Lana
stopped, choking back tears.
"It sucks when the thing you're most proud of is the thing that makes your
loved ones the most unhappy with you." Lana nodded and wiped her eyes. Chloe
continued, "The only thing worse is when they don't notice at all."
"Yeah."
"I'm not Nell, obviously, but for what it's worth, I'm really proud of you."
"Thank you." Lana reached out and squeezed Chloe's hand. "I really hate how
much I need to hear that."
"Yeah," Chloe agreed with a tired laugh, "I know exactly what you mean."
"Wanna help me move the rest of the chairs back?"
"If I do, will you come home when we're done?"
She didn't answer for a long moment. Home. With Chloe. That was going to take
some getting used to. She took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, I will."
 
THIRTEEN
 
Living with Chloe and Gabe was strange. Not bad, just extremely different from
anything she'd ever done before. Chloe and her dad were both so nice to her, so
laid back about having her in their home. Official house rules had been set.
Informal house rules had been figured out. Which rules should be completely
ignored had been mandated by Chloe and hammered home with a Ben & Jerry's
chocolate fest. They were easing into it. And it was fun.
Except for the part where she was waiting for the shoe to drop. There was
always a shoe waiting to drop, and the more it didn't fall, the more tempted
she was to go spend a night at the Talon just on principle. She hadn't been out
to see her parents at night in the ten days since she'd moved in. She'd gone
several times during the day, though. It just felt odd to sneak out of the
Sullivan house in the middle of the night, like it was breaking a rule, even
though she knew she was free to come and go as she pleased. It was...getting
tough to deal with.
===============================================================================
"Lana! Lana!"
She could hear Chloe's voice but couldn't tell where it was coming from, and
then...oh, no.
"You were screaming."
Lana burst into tears before she was even really awake, and instantly Chloe had
her in her arms. Was holding her, rocking her gently and making soothing noises
against her hair. She took a deep breath and dared to let herself cry a little.
"Shhhh, you're okay."
Lana pulled free and reached for a tissue. The tears were already over, whether
she wanted them to be or not.
"You want to talk about it?"
Lana wiped her face and took a slow, ragged breath. "It was the one where I'm
in a house, not my old house or here, but some rickety old place, and everyone
I care about is there, in different rooms, and some of them yell at me, and
some of them laugh at me, and some of them just ignore me, but one by one they
all walk out or just vanish into thin air, and then the house starts to
collapse in on me like it's going to swallow me or something, and, and-"
Chloe pulled her back in. "Shhh, you're safe now."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up," Lana mumbled a few moments later.
She was still trying to get her self-control back.
"Don't worry about it. Nightmares suck."
"It...yeah."
"I used to have one like that, except it was my mom and dad leaving, and I was
at the zoo. Have you been to the Metropolis Zoo? It's enormous."
Lana nodded, then let out a nervous laugh.
"What?" Chloe asked.
"This is weird."
"What is?"
"You. I don't...um. You'll probably think I'm a freak, but all my life, when I
have nightmares, I go to the cemetery. Nell never made it better, but seeing my
parents did. Their graves, I mean." Lana looked at her hands, blushing.
"Um, okay. I guess that makes sense."
"It's weird not being in walking distance."
Chloe frowned. "Even from your...other house, that's not a short walk."
"It's not so bad."
"Well, do you want to go? I mean, you know you're free to drive over there,
right? Especially if it helps you sleep."
Lana stared into Chloe's eyes for a moment. They were glimmering in the dim
lamplight filtering through the hall between their open doorways. Lana realized
Chloe was still holding her hand. She squeezed it, and Chloe squeezed back.
"What made your zoo nightmare go away?"
"Um...good question. I think that one stopped sometime around the beginning of
freshman year."
"Before you were kidnapped or after?"
"Before, actually. Post-kidnapping nightmares are a whole other story."
"Right."
"I think back in eighth grade I was still in denial, thinking we'd still get to
move back to Metropolis or something. But last year, when Mr. Kwan agreed to
let me take over the Torch-"
"You had a reason to stay."
"I guess, yeah."
"So maybe the zoo turned from a scary thing into just another place to
explore?"
"Something like that," Chloe said. "You do know this house isn't going to eat
you, right?"
Lana giggled. "Yeah."
"Really. I mean, I know we keep telling you to make yourself at home here, but
it's true. You need to believe it."
"I'm trying."
"Okay, good," Chloe said gently. "So, cemetery?"
Lana shook her head and tried not to blush. "Um, no, actually. I think
this...this was a big help."
"Really?"
Lana nodded and reached for her hand again. Chloe responded with another hug.
"Thank you," Lana whispered.
"Anytime. I'll see you in the morning, all right?"
She nodded again. "Goodnight."
===============================================================================
Lana lay in bed and listened to Chloe return to her room, switch out the light,
and settle back to sleep. She knew she was imagining most of the sounds through
the wall, but that didn't matter. She'd been secretly dreading this. It had
been years since Nell had come to her for a nightmare. Not since she was
twelve, and Nell had descended to the foot of the stairs in a robe and slippers
to see a sobbing, pajama-clad Lana stuffing herself into her yellow snowsuit at
three in the morning. It was about six degrees outside and the silence was a
different quality of quiet than she'd ever felt in her life.
The whole world had felt just like the cemetery.
When she got back an hour later, the lights were on and Nell was sitting at the
kitchen table, fingers wrapped around a cup of hot apple cider. Lana poured
herself a mug from the kettle, whispered "Thanks," and went back up to her
room.
Nell had never said a word.
Chloe had held her, though. Hadn't frowned at her tears. Hadn't been mad at her
for waking her up. And had reminded her that she could have as much of a home
here as she wanted. Lana rolled on her side and pulled the blankets as tight as
Chloe's embrace had been. The pillow felt nice under her head. From here, she
couldn't see the picture of her parents on her dresser, but she could feel
their gaze like a hand on her hair. She slept.
 
FOURTEEN
 
"What am I going to do?"
Okay, this was weird. Clark Kent confiding in her? Of course, now that she
knew, and he'd gotten used to the fact that she knew...she supposed it was the
logical next step.
She thought for a moment, wiping down the bar yet again. "It's a tough
situation."
"I don't mean to dump this on you. I just don't have anyone besides Lex to talk
about it with. I don't want to make things hard on you or anything."
"Clark..." She stopped and laughed. "I think I'm coping with this better than
you are."
He flushed. "You're probably right."
"Look. Break it down into pieces. One, you like guys. Two, you're dating Lex.
Three," she frowned, "...there is no three unless there's some other big secret
I don't know about."
"Let's just stick with one and two."
She couldn't help her curious glance, but oh well. She could wait. "Okay, so
the choices are either to come out or hide who you are. The only wiggle room is
in whether you tell everyone, or only a few people, right?"
"And in this town, if I tell the wrong person, then everyone knows by morning."
"Or if you do something too intimate in public," she mused. "He watches you all
the time, you know."
Clark met her eyes for a moment, then looked away.
"Oh, wow," she said, really thinking about it for the first time. "Like holding
hands and kissing and stuff. That's just something I take for granted."
"It's even worse because of Mom working for Lionel. She's there so much. If I'm
there, it's this whole stupid game of not sitting too close, making sure I'm
not staring at his...." Clark stopped, ears turning pink. "Sorry."
"No, it's okay. I kind of wish I'd had that problem with Whitney."
"What do you mean?"
She looked down, losing the fight not to blush. Finally she murmured, "Um,
well, I guess you could say that in all the time we were together, we
never...we never went as far as...as I was willing to."
"Oh."
"I don't know if he just didn't want me like that or what. And now...it's like
all I see are all these drooling jerks who don't care about anything but the
packaging." She stopped and smiled up at him. "You and Lex have something
special."
Clark drummed his fingers on the countertop. "Thing is, I want to tell the
whole world, and I can't. I can't even tell the people I love, because what if
they can't deal with the fallout?"
"I know. And yet, you deserve to have people be happy for you."
Clark smiled at her across the counter. "And you should have someone who really
cares for you and who can make you feel like you want to."
Lana blushed. "Thank you. Maybe someday. He has to be out there somewhere,
right?"
"Yeah, I'm sure he is." Clark smiled, then sighed again, tapping his foot
against the base of the stool. "Okay, so here are the options. I tell my
parents. Dad freaks, Mom doesn't. Either Dad comes around or he shoots Lex. Or
he bans us from ever seeing each other again."
"Sounds drastic..."
"Yeah, well my dad really hates doing things halfway."
"But your mom likes Lex. Couldn't she...negotiate for you?"
"Eh…" Clark hedged, "in theory? I just hate lying to them so much. And it would
suck to put her in the middle like that."
"True."
"Then there's Pete and Chloe. Pete would completely flip out, but Chloe would
probably be okay."
"Chloe will be upset that you haven't already told her."
"You haven't..."
"No, of course not, I promised you and Lex I wouldn't. But with living with
her, I'm getting to know her really well. Mostly she just wants to feel
included."
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
"Pete's known you for your whole life, right?"
"Yeah. Oh, man, he would be so pissed if I kept it from him…and yet."
"You know, you don't have to tell him you're seeing Lex."
"He would figure it out. It's just, I think he'd be angrier about me being with
Lex than he'd be about me being gay."
"No one has a right to be angry at you for liking guys, Clark."
"I know. But it isn't fair to piss somebody off, and then beg them not to tell
your secret."
"I think you're underestimating him."
"You barely know him."
"All right, I think Chloe would say that you're underestimating him."
Clark laughed. "Okay, I can see that."
"So, what if you said, 'I have something really important to tell you, and I
need you to promise to keep it a secret, even though you might not like what I
have to say.' Then if he says yes, tell him."
"What if something happens to make him break his promise? Or Chloe's. Or even
yours?"
"I think you just answered that."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, you have to trust me. I didn't tell anyone between the time I first
saw you and the time in the office, and I still haven't. Nobody grabbed me and
threatened to torture me until I gave up your secret, and I didn't spread the
news all over town. And it wasn't because I was afraid of what Lex would do in
retaliation. You're my friend, Clark. That means something. But it's up to you
to trust us."
Clark sighed. "I hate it when you're right."
Lana laughed. "Thanks."
"So who do you think I should tell first?"
"I think you should work that out with Lex. He has a lot to lose, here, too."
"I know. But at least he had the reputation of a wild youth."
"I think you're missing the point."
"Maybe I ..."
"Hey, it's ok," she said softly. "All you can do is be Clark Kent."
Clark hunched over the counter, looking defeated. "Whoever he is."
"Do you really want to spend your whole life letting other people tell you who
to be, Clark? You have to stand up for what you want."
"Like you and the Talon."
"Well, for better or worse, I fought for it and it's mine."
"Disappointed?"
"No, not really. I could be lonely in Metropolis or lonely in Smallville," she
said with a resigned smile. "At least this is home."
 
FIFTEEN
 
Lana sat in the tiny waiting area at Evelyn's Salon and flipped through a copy
of Elle. She hadn't told anyone, not even Chloe. Chloe would've insisted on
coming along to take pictures.
"Why, Lana! What a surprise!"
"Hi, Mrs. Kent." Lana smiled politely and exchanged pleasantries. As far as she
knew, Clark still hadn't told his parents, so Lana was careful to keep the
conversation focused on schoolwork and the Talon. Luckily, Evelyn had finally
figured out how to work the new computerized register, so it was only a few
minutes before Mrs. Kent was gone and Lana was following Evelyn back to her
chair.
"So what are we doing today, hon?" Evelyn asked, running her fingers through
Lana's long, thick hair.
"Cutting it off."
Evelyn grinned. "Really?"
"I realized that I've had the same exact haircut since I was seven years old,"
Lana said with a laugh. "I think I'm ready for a change."
"Well, good! You've come to the right place." Evelyn started pulling locks away
from Lana's face, testing the length between her fingers. "So, how short are we
going?"
"Well," Lana said, taking a page torn out of a magazine from her jacket pocket,
"do you think my hair will do this?"
Evelyn's eyes went wide. "Ooh, I like it. Stay here." Evelyn bustled up to the
front, returning with a handful of magazines. She flipped through the pages and
showed Lana five similar hairstyles, until they'd agreed on something short,
flattering, and easy to style. Evelyn crowed in triumph, and then grinned at
her in the mirror. "Makeovers are so exciting!"
By the time Evelyn had finished washing her hair and seated her back at the
mirror, the salon was buzzing with chattering women. The Crows had won the
night before, which was great. Lex had helped Lana negotiate a specialty coffee
contract with the stadium for the remainder of the varsity football season with
the option for post-season games if there were any. So far, it looked like a
moneymaker.
She was also working on a coffee and pastry booth for the Christmas on Main
Street Festival, but the Beanery was petitioning the organizers for exclusive
coffee rights. Lana had sent an angry letter to the Chamber of Commerce, asking
them to intervene on her behalf with the committee or else she would be forced
to take legal action. Hopefully she would have news by the end of the following
week. Actually, some of her best conversations with Lex lately were about the
latest saga in the coffee wars. It was fun. Much more exciting than football.
The last thing he'd said to her the other night was, "I can't wait to see you
with an MBA." That's when Clark groaned and threw a copy of Forbes at him from
where he lay sprawled on the pearl settee. They'd left the Talon then,
laughing. Almost everything was good.
The thing that wasn't good was finding out Whitney was MIA. It had been a
little more than a week since Mrs. Fordman had called to tell her. It took a
couple of days for the news to really sink in. And then...it was possible that
Nell moving away had left her a little numb.
She'd gone to the cemetery a few times and talked it over with her parents, but
still, it seemed impossible for her to feel anything but resigned. She'd seen
so much death. Mr. Fordman was less than a year gone. So many students had been
killed by what Chloe and Clark referred to as 'meteor mutants'. Then there was
Mr. Kwan. And she still had occasional flashbacks to the bullet slamming into
the deputy's brain. Not to mention all the other attacks on her life, all the
way back to Greg the bug-boy.
The worst part of Whitney's leaving had been that she didn't have the typical
adolescent illusions of immortality. It was a noble thing, Whitney joining up
to honor his father's memory, but...the truth was, she'd come to terms with the
chance of never seeing him again before he even graduated from boot camp. That
was probably another part of why she'd sent the Dear John video, even though
she hadn't realized it at the time. It was just...really difficult to maintain
a long distance relationship with someone who could be killed at any moment.
She was too young for that. Or maybe she just wanted more out of life.
"You're quiet this morning," Evelyn prodded, as she cut a new layer in.
"Sorry, just thinking about Whitney."
"Mm-hmm. That's some terrible news, isn't it?"
"Yeah. His mom's taking it really hard."
"What about you?"
"Mm. I'm okay, I think. I kind of came to terms with the possibility when he
left. The harder thing is that we've been writing a lot, and I think we're
better friends now than before we broke up."
"Well, you know that happens a lot. You have fewer expectations. Makes it
easier to be yourself."
"Hmm."
"You're such a young thing, though. Just wait 'til you've had three husbands
under your belt."
"Evelyn, don't you scare that little girl!" Sharonne called from her station on
the facing wall.
Lana laughed. "I couldn't imagine that!"
Evelyn grinned wickedly. "Well, I've got three ex-husbands, four kids, two
grandbabies and another on the way, and a-"
"And a new boyfriend!" Sharonne sang out.
Lana smiled at Evelyn's reflection. "Oh really? Who is he?"
 
SIXTEEN
 
Lex and Clark came into the Talon just before closing. It was Sunday and a slow
night, once the youth group kids had all gone home.
"We're helping," Lex said, punching in the code to open the register.
"Thank you, but the till is mine," Lana said, pushing his hand away. "You can
take the trash out or go flip the chairs."
Clark did the garbage, balanced chairs atop tables, and prepared to mop while
Lex sat and watched. When she'd counted out three times accurately and secured
the money for the night, Lana looked up to find them just slumping onto the
black brocade sofa together, finished.
"Wow. Speed-mopping should be an Olympic event."
"It should be a two-man team sport." Clark grinned.
"I don't think so," Lex shot back, taking Clark's hand.
Lana snickered and curled up in the facing loveseat. "You two are adorable.
What's going on?"
Clark met Lex's eyes for a moment, then cleared his throat and sat up a little.
"I want to tell Chloe."
"Okay..."
"I was hoping to get your opinion before I actually go through with it."
"Well, we've talked about this before. You know you can trust her. I thought
Pete was the one you were worried about."
"Well, yeah. Pete's going to flip out. He already hates Lex as it is."
Lex leaned forward. "I think what we're wondering is if you think Chloe could
keep it a secret from Pete. Clark says they seem fairly joined at the hip these
days."
"Oh. Well, they're not dating or anything, but they do spend a lot of time
together." Lana considered for a moment. "Thing is, we didn't talk about this
before, but what if...ok, don't hate me for using these terms, but have you
thought about the liability?"
"I don't understand."
"I mean, look at the risk. How many life-threatening situations have you pulled
her out of in just the last two months? What if one of her Wall of Weird freaks
wants to get information out of her? Everyone knows she's the girl to go to if
you want the dirt on someone. Not that she tells, necessarily, I'm just saying
she knows. Can you afford it if something were to happen to her?"
"But...you know," he said stubbornly. "What happened to your whole deal about
trust?"
"This isn't about trust, Clark. This is about risk, and the only people
interested in picking my brain are the owners of the Beanery."
"Someone tries to kidnap or kill you every three weeks!"
Lana's eyes narrowed. "Do you really think they're interested in my mind,
Clark?"
"Lana-"
"Clark, she may have a point."
"Lex, I thought we discussed this!"
"We did, and the facts are still the same. It won't make either of our lives
any easier if the wrong people find out the heir to LuthorCorp is involved with
a small town teenage boy. None of us are ready for that kind of media circus."
"Chloe wouldn't tell."
"It's your decision, Clark. You know how I feel."
"Lana-"
"Clark-"
"No, listen," Clark protested. "What if she finds out anyway? I mean, you
walked in on us twice, and she's a lot nosier than you are."
"You think she already knows?" Lex asked.
"No way," Lana said. "This is Chloe. She would have confronted you."
"Well, yeah, probably."
"Clark, if you're going to tell her, then you're going to have to commit
yourself to protecting her from every dangerous person she encounters from now
on…until you come out for real. That's a huge responsibility for anyone, much
less for a guy still in high school. You have to face the fact that there's no
way you could possibly be there all the time." Lana paused for a moment, then
added, "It may be terrible of me to say this, but she gets herself into enough
danger as it is."
Clark bit his lip and looked at Lex.
===============================================================================
They watched him pace, then head out the door probably to walk around the
block. He'd never been any good at sitting still to work through a problem.
"Are you really okay with someone else knowing?" Lana asked.
Lex shrugged, his expression resigned. "It's killing him. Keeping it from his
parents is driving him crazy. I think he sees this as a trial run."
"But his dad...."
"Believe me, I know. And yet, his mom likes me. And his parents really do want
him to be happy."
"Has he thought about coming out to them without necessarily naming you?"
"He wouldn't have to. We're discreet...but he isn't inviting anyone else over
to dinner."
"They don't suspect?"
"Not actively. Teenagers can be very passionate about their best
friends...especially when their parents disagree with their choice of
companions."
"Hmm."
"Lana, I want you to know how much we both appreciate how you've handled
things. Clark needs to be able to talk to someone. I'm glad you've been there
for him."
"That's what friends are for, Lex."
"I'm sure it hasn't been an easy secret for you to keep, though."
Lana shrugged. "Who am I going to tell? Chloe and I don't really talk about
Clark. He's an awkward subject, you know?"
"You don't have many other friends, do you?"
She shrugged again. "Not anymore. I work."
Lex nodded. "I know what you mean."
A moment passed while they waited for Clark to walk back in and break the
silence. Lana chewed her lip and stared at the Egyptian god painted on the wall
above Lex's head. "I used to. Last year. I guess you remember the ridiculous
party Nell threw for me. But the cheerleaders wrote me off as soon as I quit,
and the jocks don't even flirt anymore since Whitney was listed as missing."
"What about Pete?"
"Pete has a monumental crush on Chloe. Besides, he and I don't really talk
either, unless it's about Clark or Chloe. But it's all right. I'm kind of used
to it."
"Sounds hard."
She shrugged. It was what it was.
 
SEVENTEEN
 
"Hey. You look swamped." Lana stood in Chloe's doorway. Chloe was sprawled out
on her bed surrounded by books.
"Totally. Whatcha need?"
"Nothing urgent."
"Okay. If you're still up when I finish this, I'll come in."
"'kay. Good luck."
Lana went back to her room and threw herself onto her bed. It was a good bed,
with just enough bounce to send her a few inches up into the air before she
landed with a gentle fwoomp on the down comforter. It reminded her of the
trampoline she had when she was a kid. She was never a very good gymnast, but
she'd always loved the rush of flight. That was probably the only thing she
missed about cheerleading, though she didn't miss the danger of being dropped
at all.
Lana rolled over and reached for the novel she was supposed to be reading for
English. Somebody's parents were upset that they were reading Vonnegut, so
there was a big stir over whether it should even be in the curriculum. She
wasn't sure yet what the big deal was. There was nothing in the book more
horrifying than anything you could see on cable at any given hour. Or that you
might see in Smallville if you chose not to studiously ignore the meteor
weirdness.
Chloe was working on a long article called 'Suspension of Disbelief: a
Smallville Case Study' that she was hoping to get printed in an academic
journal somewhere. She'd given up on traditional news magazines. Lana listened,
nodded, and made supportive noises, even though odds were good that it would
end up posted on the internet somewhere between crop circles and alien
abductions. Lana knew she didn't have any more right to criticize Chloe's quest
for credibility than Chloe did Lana's nighttime excursions to the cemetery,
which, oddly enough, were getting less frequent. But then, she was working more
than ever, and there simply wasn't time to work, study, eat, organize
everything she'd planned for the holiday season at the Talon, sleep, and go
talk to her parents in the middle of the night.
And it was weird that Lex was suddenly in her room, pushing her notebooks aside
and climbing onto the bed next to her. His hand was on her face, cupping her
cheek, thumb stroking gently. It was a warm and soft hand, totally unlike
Clark's had been that time when he'd kissed her and taken her out to that
stupid bar. Lex was looking into her eyes, amused. She blinked and Lex was
gone, but Henry Small was in his place, fingering the layers of her hair, a
slight smile touching his lips.
"You know, your mother had hair like this for a while. Back in her mod phase.
Or maybe it was disco. All the girls did." He touched her face with ink-stained
fingertips. "You really don't look a thing like Lewis."
Lana tried to scramble backwards, but couldn't move, couldn't speak. She was
starting to hyperventilate. The whole room was beginning to glimmer, to shiver,
as if the air were splitting apart molecule by molecule. A spot of
darkness...and then laughter.
"No," she mouthed.
"What was that?" Ian said, still cackling. "I don't think I quite caught that."
"No," she tried again, and this time it was almost a whisper.
He grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled. He was staring, getting closer,
closer, and then his mouth was on hers and his hand, his other hand, was
groping her right breast hard, too hard, while one leg pinned hers to the bed.
His other hand still pulled at locks of hair, and she knew she was crying out.
She was struggling with every ounce of will to make noise, to scream, and his
hand was on her throat now, squeezing, strangling.
"Lana!" Chloe was calling, firmly gripping one forearm and the other shoulder.
"Lana, wake up. Wake up, you're okay."
Lana shuddered and blinked awake. It wasn't even eleven yet. "Oh my god, that
was...."
"A bad one?"
"A weird one," Lana answered, still shaking. "First it was Lex, then he turned
into Henry Small, and then he turned into Ian, and it was just so wrong."
"You were screaming."
"He was strangling me."
"Jesus."
Lana rubbed her hands over her face, scrubbing away the echoes of dream-touch.
"Yeah."
"Okay, I vote for hot chocolate and a midnight snack. What do you say?"
She looked up with a grateful smile. "Yes?"
Chloe laughed. "Good, come on."
===============================================================================
They were out of hot chocolate mix, so they'd settled in at the kitchen table
with mugs of hot milk dosed with vanilla extract and slices of cold peach pie,
and Chloe tried her hand at dream interpretation again. She was getting better
at it, but then, Lana supposed she was giving her plenty of practice.
Plus, it wasn't like Chloe didn't have her own share of nightmares, lately
having mostly to do with bridges and going off the sides of them. It was almost
nice to be able to slip into Chloe's room and hold her through the shakes. It
felt good to return the favor. But Chloe still came to Lana's bedside more
often.
"Stop."
"What?" Lana asked, surprised.
"You were about to apologize again, weren't you"
Lana made a face.
"Hah. Don't. You're not allowed."
"Fine, but I still feel guilty."
"Don't waste the energy. Besides, the books say you wouldn't be having
nightmares at all if they weren't trying to tell you something."
"Like what? That I'm scared of people trying to kill me? Again?"
"That's just the most obvious part. The interesting thing was Lex and your
maybe-biological father. And the progressive levels of intimacy."
"Lex and I have a professional relationship. He's never touched my face."
"Maybe you want him to."
"Maybe-" Lana started harshly, then cut herself off.
"What?"
"Nothing. Well, it's not nothing, but it's something I swore I wouldn't tell
anybody."
"Oh. Great."
"I'm sorry," she said, chastened. "I would if I could, honest."
"And this has to do with Lex how?"
"That would be telling."
Chloe pressed, "You and he aren't..."
"Oh my god, no."
"Because he is cute." Chloe raised her eyebrows, tilting her head suggestively.
"That is wrong in so many ways, and not only because he's too old for us."
Chloe's eyes crinkled. "Like how?"
"Secret," Lana said with an exasperated glare.
"Ah well, you know I have to try," Chloe relented. "So, what about Henry Small?
I know we decided the Freudian interpretations were full of crap, but...Electra
complex? Maybe?"
Lana snorted. "Ew? That's so gross."
Chloe laughed. "And just for the record, you totally don't have disco hair."
"Thanks." Lana giggled and rubbed a hand over her head. She was still in love
with the way the sculpting wax made it spring back against her fingers.
"No...you know, probably...maybe I'm afraid that he'll never see me for who I
am. That he'll look at me and only see the ghost of my mother."
"Well, that's uplifting."
"More so than getting strangled to death."
"But you won," Chloe protested around a mouthful of pie.
"What do you mean?" Lana asked.
"You said that up until the end, you couldn't make any noise in the dream,
right?"
"Yeah."
"But you kept trying."
"Well, true. But-"
"And then you did! You screamed-a lot," Chloe finished with a laugh.
"But you woke me up. In the dream he still might've killed me."
"Uh-uh. I don't think so. I think you were in the process of waking yourself
up, and getting out of that situation. I just sped it up a few seconds.
Besides, sometimes you scream and I can't wake you up."
"Wait, I what?" Lana sat up straight, frowning.
"Yeah. It's been a while, but there were a few times, I'd come into your room
and you would be so deep in a nightmare that I couldn't wake you at all. It was
creepy."
Lana frowned at Chloe in disbelief. "I had no idea."
Chloe shrugged. "With all the traumatic stuff you've been through, I think it's
amazing you're not locked away in an institution somewhere...like that freaky
episode of Buffy, where everything was a hallucination and she tied everyone up
in the basement? I mean, what was up with that?"
Lana shook her head.
Chloe took a long sip of hot chocolate and sat there a moment, hands wrapped
around the mug. "Can I ask you something? Totally different subject?"
"Sure."
"What's up with Clark?"
"What do you mean?"
"He hardly talks to me anymore. He's always with you or Lex, which is fine.
It's just odd, since he was so scared to talk to you at all for so long."
"Well, we finally talked things out and decided to be friends."
"Okay, but that doesn't make any sense, though."
"What, me being friends with him?"
"No! Well, yes. I mean, he's loved you forever."
Lana smiled ruefully. "No, he loved the image he had of me in his head. He
finally figured out that his dream had nothing to do with my reality."
"How did that happen?"
"Well, you know how we were flirting and stuff.... He said it just felt wrong."
"Huh. That's weird."
"Well, you know Clark," Lana said, snickering. "Besides...we're all growing up.
Things are bound to change."
 
EIGHTEEN
 
Her birthday fell on a Tuesday this year. Chloe and Clark decorated her locker.
They had cupcakes in the Torch office at lunch. Lana gave away the over-baked,
under-sweet chocolate chip cookies that had been in the box from Nell and Dean.
There was a note to check her email in the birthday card. In her email, there
was a gift certificate large enough to cover several new outfits from Bluefly
and a separate e-card with a picture of a herd of wild horses from Dean. It
could've been worse.
Nell called her at four o'clock. Business was slow enough that she couldn't
make excuses and she didn't really want to take the call later, in front of
Chloe and Gabe, so, she was nice. She was polite. She lied about how wonderful
the cookies had tasted. She didn't lie about how wonderful the gift certificate
was, although she was getting a lot more careful about buying washable fabrics.
She'd learned the hard way that spilled mochaccino did not come out of
everything.
She didn't hang up immediately when Nell asked how she was. She could hear in
Nell's voice how hard she was trying. It wasn't right to leave her hanging. But
what could she say other than that she was fine, living with the Sullivans was
great, the Talon's business was booming, and the Crows were headed for the
playoffs? It was...too little, too late, and she didn't care about Dean's new
job or the new friends Nell was making in the city. She almost wasn't even
listening, going over the day's to-do list on her desk, until Nell said the
word "Christmas," and Lana pulled up short.
"Wait, what?"
"I asked what you wanted to do for Christmas." Nell hesitated. "I didn't want
to make an incorrect assumption about your plans."
"Oh," Lana murmured. "I see."
"We were hoping that you would come to Metropolis. We'd love to have you for as
long as you want to stay. I put a room together for you. It doesn't look
exactly like your room in the old house, but it's as close as I could make it."
"Oh...um. Sorry, I guess you caught me by surprise. I haven't thought about the
holidays at all, aside from work, I mean."
"I understand." Nell's tone was midway between crisp and kind. Lana never knew
how to read it. "Well, why don't you talk it over with Gabe and Chloe, and then
let me know what you feel like doing?"
"That's a good idea," Lana said, then made her excuses and hung up. She really
did have to get back to work, if only to say hi and goodbye through Heather and
Rachel's shift change.
"Hey, you all right?" Pete was sitting at the bar nursing a steaming cup of
chai. She smiled reflexively to cover her surprise. He didn't spend much time
here on his own.
"I'm okay. Just got off the phone with Nell."
He nodded, as if that were a perfect explanation for whatever look had been on
her face. "Happy birthday, by the way."
"Thank you."
"I bet this is a far cry from last year. Party at the mansion, hundreds of
people."
"Nell driving me crazy, when all I really wanted was to hang out with a few
friends and order pizza?"
"Is that what you're doing tonight?" he asked with a wink.
"Um," she broke off, giggling. "I have no idea. It's all in Chloe's hands. But
she swore it would be small and fun, so here's hoping."
Pete grinned. "I'm sure it'll be fine."
"You wouldn't happen to be here just to make sure I don't go home early...."
"Me?" Pete laid the charm on thick. "I'm just here to have a nice cup of chai
and hang out with a pretty girl."
"Uh-huh." She raised an eyebrow. "Since when do you drink chai?"
"It's all Chloe's fault," he deadpanned.
"Oh, really."
"Yup."
She giggled. "So how long are you supposed to keep me here?"
"Until about six?"
Lana grinned. "Okay, so tell me why the chai is Chloe's fault?"
He kept her entertained for the next hour and a half. Mostly he told her
stories about Chloe, but he also gossiped about his teammates and cheerleaders
that she hadn't spent any time with in about a year. She was a little surprised
to discover that she didn't care who was fooling around with whom, and
honestly, she didn't miss them.
===============================================================================
"You totally outdid yourself," Lana said, giving Chloe a warm hug. "This was
perfect."
"I'm glad you liked it. Granted, pizza and movies isn't exactly rocket science,
but..."
"It was great. I haven't laughed so much in ages."
"Oh, God. Pete and Clark are hysterical once they get started."
"It's so cool that Lex came."
"Yeah, I wasn't sure, but Clark seemed really adamant about inviting him. And
it seemed like he had fun."
"Yeah. Wow. What a great night!"
"It's good to see you happy."
"Yeah. Oh. I forgot to tell you."
"What? No, wait," Chloe started, then interrupted herself to pout at her.
"You're about to burst the happy-bubble, aren't you?"
"Maybe just a little?" she laughed. "Well, okay, more than a little, I guess.
Nell called this afternoon and invited me to Metropolis for Christmas."
"Oh." Chloe blinked, taking in the news. "Lana, that's huge."
"Kind of, yeah."
"So, what did you say?"
"Um, well, I didn't really give her an answer. She told me to find out what you
and your dad are planning for the holidays." Lana shook her head slightly. "She
totally took me by surprise, you know?"
Chloe nodded. "I'm sure."
"I didn't want to make any assumptions, but I wanted to mention it to you."
"Definitely. Wow. Um, I have no idea what we're doing yet, but you're welcome
no matter what. Last year, we stayed here, but both years before that, we went
to my aunt's place in Metropolis. I'll ask Dad what he wants to do tomorrow."
"There's no real rush."
"No, it's no trouble." Chloe looked at her, tilted her head to the side, and
asked, "So, what do you want to do?"
"To be honest…I don't know. The phone call was…" she trailed off, making a
face. "She's made up a room for me. She said she decorated it just like my old
room."
"Ugh."
Lana nodded. After a moment she asked, "We have two weeks off school, right?"
"I think so."
"I could get people to cover the Talon for a few days. I just don't want to go
and then..."
"Be stuck there?"
"Yeah."
"But if we go to my aunt's, then you have an instant fallback."
"I don't want to force you-"
"Are you kidding? Remember all of Clark and Pete's jokes about seeing me in my
native habitat? Besides, my cousin Lois is in college at Met U. She can show us
around all the cool stuff I was too young to appreciate when I still lived
there."
"But what about your dad? Does he have vacation time for this?"
"Probably, yeah, but we'll find out tomorrow. And if not, he can daytrip on
Christmas day while we spend a week there. Or as long as you can get away from
the Talon."
"Um, wow." Lana laughed uncertainly. "I forgot what it's like when you set your
mind on something."
"Hey, we can always change it," Chloe offered, clearly backpedaling. "I
just...this way we can go play in the city, and you don't have to be around
Nell any longer than you want to."
Lana nodded, looking at the floor, and then looked up. "Thank you."
"Yeah?"
She grinned. "It sounds like a great solution."
"Assuming everyone cooperates."
"Well, yeah. But you're the one with the awesome powers of persuasion."
Chloe laughed. "That sounds so much nicer than what my dad calls it."
 
NINETEEN
 
"How long have you known?" Chloe stood in her doorway, staring at her with hard
eyes, arms folded tightly across her chest.
Lana let her backpack tip over backward on the bed and sat down next to it.
She'd just gotten home from a closing shift, and she was dead on her feet.
"Known what, exactly?" She hated asking such a stupid question, but for all she
knew, Chloe was talking about...anything.
"Clark and Lex," Chloe snapped, and Lana could see tear streaks on her face.
"And don't play innocent with me, Lana, I know better."
"Chloe, they swore me to secrecy. I swear I would've told you if I could've."
"Clark called and asked me to come over tonight."
"Good," Lana said, nodding.
Chloe gave her a pointed look.
"It's been tearing him up inside. As much as he keeps secrets, this is
something he really wants to be able to share with people. And he can't."
"How exactly did you find out?"
Lana blushed. "Well, I sort of walked in on them once or...twice."
"Twice?"
"Once in the barn while they were, um...you know."
"Oh my god, you didn't."
"I snuck out before they saw me."
"Oh my god. And you kept this from me!?"
"I had to!"
"What was the second time?"
"They were in the Talon office one afternoon. Just kissing, I mean, but I
couldn't really sneak out of that one."
"Oh my god."
"I know."
"Pete's going to flip out."
"What did Clark tell you? I mean, they basically made me swear not to tell
anyone, ever, on pain of death, losing the Talon, and never getting into
college anywhere, ever, period."
"Really?"
"They have everything to lose, you know? Especially Lex. And when Lex wants to
ruin someone's life, he doesn't stop halfway."
Chloe frowned. "Yeah, that's true."
"It's such a shame, too. They're crazy about each other."
Chloe sank into the chair next to Lana's dresser and scrubbed her hands over
her face. "Well, I guess I really can throw my Clark crush out the window now."
Lana swallowed hard. "I'm sorry."
"This sucks."
"Yeah."
"Although I should probably just look at it as practice for keeping sources
confidential. Professional training. Do you know if we have any ice cream?"
"Pralines and cream."
"Thank god."
===============================================================================
Twenty minutes later, they were finishing off their midnight snack. Lana smiled
at Chloe sadly and said, "I'm sorry it was a shock. And that you're
disappointed."
Chloe stretched and took a deep breath. "Thanks. And actually, in hindsight, it
was all there. The way they've always acted around each other. I'd have to have
been blind not to see it."
"That's what I thought when I found out, too."
"You really walked in on them having sex?" Chloe's eyes twinkled.
Lana blushed and stood, taking their empty bowls to the sink to rinse. "Yeah."
"So tell me! What were they doing?"
Lana dropped the spoon under the tap with a loud clatter. "I can't tell you
that!"
"Sure you can."
"Oh my god, no. Just. No!"
Chloe giggled and said, "Come on, those will keep 'til morning."
===============================================================================
"Chloe!"
"So they were in the loft, right? What did you see?"
"I'm not telling you this!"
"I'm a reporter, I have to ask."
"You're not interviewing me."
"Come on, I swore to Clark that I wouldn't tell anyone. I'm just dying to know
what they were doing together."
"What do you think they were doing?"
"I don't know, that's why I'm asking. Plus, you're really cute when you're
embarrassed."
"Chloe!" Lana protested, blushing harder.
"Just tell. You walked in, what did you see?"
Lana hid her eyes behind her hand. "If I tell you, will you promise never to
discuss this again?"
"Done."
Lana sighed. "Lex had just gotten there. They were kissing. He was complaining
about his father. Clark was complaining about how many clothes he had on."
"When was this?"
"September. Remember that heat wave we had, right before Lex accidentally got
married?"
"Oh, yeah. Then what?"
"They took off their clothes. Lex sat on the couch and Clark stood there."
"And?"
"Lex gave him a blowjob. God, I can't believe I'm telling you this."
"Then what?"
"Then Clark told Lex to, um, do him."
"No way. And you watched it?"
"This is so embarrassing, Chloe. They have no idea how much I saw."
"What was it like?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, well, you watch cable. Was it like porn or...."
"At first, yeah. But then...it was so-sweet. That's when I realized they
weren't just...I don't know. It was almost like they were afraid of how much
they were into each other."
"Wow."
"It was real. That's the biggest reason why I've kept the promise. They're
really in love."
Chloe sighed deeply and hugged herself. "I don't know how I'm going to maintain
my cynical exterior in the face of that."
Lana giggled. "You could always just be happy for them."
"You're not jealous?"
"Of which one?" Lana asked, laughing.
Chloe giggled back. "Good question."
"I'm really not, though," Lana answered, shaking her head firmly. "Not anymore,
anyway. Besides, it's not like I have time to date."
"You could make time."
"Sorry, but do you hear my phone ringing off the hook?"
"People think you're still griev- Oh, crap, I'm sorry."
"You can say his name, Chloe. Whitney deserves to be remembered, but I am not
pining over his ghost or anything. I said goodbye to him a long time ago."
"Okay," Chloe said sheepishly, "but I still feel like a total idiot."
Lana snickered. "It's okay, really. But honestly...why do I have to date
anyone? I have work. I have friends. I'm not that lonely."
"Really?" It seemed to be a sincere question, though it could've also been
Chloe's patented deadpan sarcasm. Sometimes it was impossible to tell.
Lana smiled at her. "Really."
 
TWENTY
 
Thanksgiving happened, against Chloe's protestations that they should just
order out for Chinese. Gabe took charge of the turkey while Lana made stuffing,
mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, and green beans. While Gabe armed
himself with oven mitts and wrestled the turkey out of the oven, Chloe was
assigned to go to the Kents' and pick up the pies Mrs. Kent had promised, so as
to save Clark a last-minute delivery. She came back laden with three white
boxes labeled as pumpkin, pecan, and chocolate surprise.
"What did you bribe her with?" Gabe asked, awed.
"Nothing!" Chloe said, grinning in tell-tale triumph.
"Chloe…" he said, folding his arms and giving her a stern look.
"Well," she said defensively, "Marty down at the Ledger said that if I ever
wanted to do a food review, he'd work me in." Gabe cleared his throat. "I
didn't lie!" Chloe said. "We're going to sample each one, and I'm going to
write a review!"
"Just so long as the 'we' part of that statement is understood," he said,
finally grinning.
"Uh-uh, Dad," Chloe shot back with a grin. "It's my by-line!"
Laughing, Gabe went to the fridge and took out a can of cranberry sauce and put
it in Chloe's hand. "All yours, Sunshine."
"What am I supposed to do with this?" Chloe asked, playing innocent. Lana was
laughing so hard, she was clinging to the counter to stay upright.
"Lord have mercy, I've failed as a father!" Gabe cried out. "My only daughter
cannot work a can opener!"
Wiping her eyes, and still laughing too hard to speak, Lana handed Chloe a
Corningware bowl and pointed her at the electric can opener on the counter.
Chloe managed to dump the 'lumpy red stuff' into the bowl and get it to the
table, Gabe stabbed the turkey with an array of sharp objects, and they all ate
until they were stuffed, and then they ate some more. Lana was pretty sure it
was the first Thanksgiving she'd ever really enjoyed.
===============================================================================
Christmas itself was on a Wednesday, and shortly after Thanksgiving, Gabe
announced that he planned to take the entire week off for their trip to
Metropolis. When he told them, Lana had stiffened in horror and had to bite her
tongue hard to keep herself under control. It didn't help that Chloe had shot
her a knowing grin before she could stammer, "I'll have to see what kind of
coverage I can get." They all knew that she could hand everything over to the
assistant manager for the week, but, stress over Nell aside, they also knew the
workaholic jokes weren't really jokes.
===============================================================================
Maybe it was stupid, but she really didn't want to go. Not at night, at least.
Not in the privacy of her bedroom. Or during hot showers while scrubbing coffee
residue out of her skin and hair. Or in class, listening to the furnaces cough
as they tried in vain to heat the drafty old high school. But she put on a
brave face because it was the right thing to do. Nell had given her thirteen
years of her life. The least Lana could do was be civil at Christmas.
She wasn't really waking up screaming any more than usual.
Chloe, however, was.
It wasn't a new thing in and of itself. They both had recurring nightmares. It
was a huge part of what they'd bonded over early on, because it was one of
those things that people simply don't get until they've gone through it.
Chloe had woken up screaming every night for the past week, sometimes twice.
Most of the time she couldn't remember anything except snow. Cold, cold snow,
and a terrible sense of fear. Lana didn't always wake up for her, wrapped up in
her own sleep and occasional night terrors, but the evidence was always there
in the morning, over coffee, with concealer only partially masking the dark
circles under Chloe's eyes. Like this morning, even though Chloe never wore
makeup on Saturdays unless she had somewhere to be.
"More snow?" Lana asked.
Chloe moaned groggily and stirred her coffee. "It was horrible."
"You remember it this time?"
"Everything was red and white. And green. Red snow boots, red coat, red hat.
White snow. Dingy gray sidewalk. Green trees. Firs and pines. I guess it was-
crap." She cut herself off, lip trembling.
"What is it?"
Tears squeezed out from the scrunched up corners of her eyes and she crumpled
her napkin in her hand. "Christmas…when I was five, about to turn six years
old." She blotted at her eyes and breathed deeply, pushing everything back
down.
"Chloe..." Lana stretched out her hand, reaching for Chloe's. She held on
tight.
"Mom was doing the Christmas shopping. There was a huge stack of presents on
the coffee table in the living room. It had been growing for a while. Probably
a week, but at that age, you don't really know. Then one day we went with Dad
to get a tree. There was a huge fight over what kind of tree to get. We...back
then, we lived in an apartment in a six-story walk-up. Mom wanted an enormous
tree and I did, too. It was going to be so neat, like it kind of made up for
there being no such thing as Santa, you know? And that afternoon, we went and
found a tree at one of those sidewalk vendor places they have in the city, and
it was the most perfect, beautiful tree in the world...but Dad didn't want to
get it. He said it was too big. It wouldn't fit. We'd never get it up the
stairs or through the door or anything."
Chloe swallowed hard and went on in a low, broken voice, "My mom said something
about hoisting it up the fire escape-and it might have been a joke, I don't
know-but he...." She trailed off, chewing her lip. "Mom called him a lot of
names. At first I thought she was teasing, but then it all went spiraling out
of control, and I couldn't...." Lana had moved around the table, and was
rocking Chloe in her arms. The tears were falling freely now. "I couldn't deal
with it," Chloe said. "I had to make them stop. I yelled and screamed and threw
a fit, but that only made Mom yell louder at Dad and blame him for upsetting
me.
"It was so stupid. I remember I had a runny nose. I'd taken off my mittens in
the car earlier and forgotten to put them back on. They were yellow. My fingers
were red and numb, and I thought they should've noticed. They should've checked
to make sure I had my mittens. And they weren't paying attention to me anyway,
I realized, because they were too busy yelling. So I walked off. I walked down
between the rows of trees, slipped under the yellow rope, and kept walking. The
first corner was 89th and Vine. I knew my aunt's building was at 85th and Vine,
so I just kept walking."
"That's...jeez. And you were only five?"
Chloe shrugged. "Almost six, and precocious as anything if you believe my dad,
but yeah, in hindsight I guess it's a miracle nothing bad happened, but I swear
I thought one of them would run after me. I thought it was obvious." She paused
to take a long drink of her coffee, and then continued, "I made it to my aunt's
and I wasn't tall enough to reach the buzzer, so I had to wait for a grownup to
come and ask them to press it so she could buzz me in. By that time, I know my
mom and dad were completely frantic, but my aunt was really nice. I told her
what happened, and she made me hot chocolate and gave me cookies, and then told
me and Lois to go play in the other room. And then she paged my dad. He called
immediately and she told him I was safe and that she was going to keep me while
he and Mom talked. Problem was, Mom was already gone."
"Oh my god."
"It was only a short trip that time. It was still a few more weeks before she
walked out for good. But looking back, it was like a dry run for the real
thing, you know? She came back a few days later and we had Christmas. And the
tree was big, but not too big, and the presents were nice enough, but it wasn't
a fun Christmas. I felt guilty, and...nothing was ever the same."
"That's so awful. Chloe, I'm so sorry."
Chloe shrugged. "It's not a good memory. To be honest, I think I'd kind of
blocked it out completely, but I guess the idea of you going to see Nell
probably brought it back up."
"I'm not sure I want to go," Lana said quietly.
"Really?"
"Look at us. We're both having anxiety attacks over this trip. Why are we even
going?"
"Because Nell wants you to?"
"I...it always comes down to that, doesn't it? What Nell wants me to do."
"You know you don't have to. You're emancipated. You could tell her to go to
hell and there's nothing she could do about it."
"I couldn't do that."
Chloe nodded. "Yeah...I know."
"Do you want to go?"
Chloe exhaled slowly and smiled. "It's this weird, complicated thing, you know?
I mean, it'd be cool to visit my family and go see…actually most of what I want
to do is show you the city. Where I used to live and hang out and stuff. I
just...memories, you know?"
"Last night," Lana said in a dour voice, "I dreamed Nell showed me to the room
she made up for me and locked me in. Then she started cackling like the Wicked
Witch of the West." Chloe snickered and Lana cracked a grin.
"We are so totally screwed up."
"Aren't we, though?"
"You know what we should do?" Chloe started, tearing a blueberry muffin in
half.
"Hmm?" Lana asked around a mouthful.
"We should go. And when we're there, we should do something like...perform an
exorcism or something. Some kind of ritual."
"I like that idea."
"Because you know what? I'm really sick and tired of these nightmares."
Lana laughed and said, "Me too."
"Good." Chloe smiled brightly. "So, when we go, I'll come with you to Nell's
and make sure she doesn't lock you in the bedroom. Then we can go exploring,
and you can make sure I don't run into my mom."
"Wait-" Lana's hand froze in midair, the last bit of blueberry muffin half-way
to her mouth. "Wait a minute. What? Start over."
"Oh," Chloe replied in a small voice, "I guess I never told you, she's, um,
living in Metropolis again."
"Oh, Chloe."
"We're not in contact at all. She doesn't even know that I know," Chloe said
too quickly, "but I sort of have this enormous fear of seeing her on the street
and having to go through her leaving me all over again. But if I'm with you,
maybe it won't happen."
Lana scooted over to hug her again.
"Not crying anymore," Chloe said, wiping her cheeks. "See? Not crying."
Lana laughed softly and stroked Chloe's hair. After a moment she asked, "So,
what do you know about exorcisms?"
"Um, well. Only what I saw in the Exorcist?"
It was a whole two seconds before the giggling started.
 
TWENTY-ONE
 
The rest of the school year was a blur of cramming for finals and juggling
special projects schedules. The football team was in the playoffs, basketball
was in tryouts, and the Talon had to be decorated for the holidays. Plus,
Christmas on Main Street was happening, with the Talon and the Beanery both
winning shared concession rights at the holiday festival, and each of them
trading off smaller events like the public choir concert in the square, the two
days of the arts and crafts fair, and so on. Luckily, once it was planned out,
all Lana had to do was set the schedule and stock the Talon's kiosk. And study.
After that, she was entirely free to freak out over the trip.
===============================================================================
Finals were harder than last year, but maybe Lana was only feeling more
pressure because of emancipation and the need to prove she could handle
everything on her own. She didn't flunk anything, at least, and then school was
out and she was dealing with the whirlwind of holiday traffic at the Talon,
last minute shopping, and Nell calling constantly to find out what their plans
were. Finally she broke down and asked Gabe if he would speak to her instead,
and the nagging stopped as if by magic…even though all Gabe had said was,
"We'll get there sometime Sunday afternoon and we'll call you when we get to
the city," all of which Lana had told her a dozen times before, to no avail. It
was infuriating.
The nightmares, meanwhile, were getting worse. She was practically living on
coffee, which wasn't that unusual, except that lately she never seemed to get
more than three hours' sleep per night before she woke up with a start.
Chloe was in the same boat.
The Thursday before Christmas, Chloe woke up shrieking at the top of her lungs.
Lana was there in less than a minute, heart pounding, and she held Chloe tight
as she sobbed.
When she could speak, Chloe said, "This one was different. It was like the
Christmas tree memory, but not. I mean, it was the same time of year, and I was
on a street in Metropolis, but there was no traffic, nobody on the sidewalks or
anything. There were Christmas trees lining the sidewalks, like there were
vendors everywhere, except for how there weren't any people. And it had snowed
recently, so everything was dusted white. And then I turned around and looked
up the street and standing in front of the trees were rows and rows of dead
people. All the people we've known here who died and all the people from before
I moved here, like my grandparents and a kid who got run over when I was in
sixth grade, and all these people I didn't recognize. Both ways, up and down
the street. And I was the only living thing there…and then the whole thing
shifted so it was like I was trapped inside a big doll's house model of the
city or something, and there was no air, just like the coffin…but this time
Clark wasn't there to dig me out."
She was weeping again when she finished, and Lana didn't know what to say,
except just to hold on and not let go.
A couple of minutes later, Chloe leaned away to wipe her face, and frowned hard
at the alarm clock. It was after four thirty.
"You know, why don't we just get up?" Lana said. "If I try to catch another
half hour, I'll only end up sleeping through my alarm."
Chloe groaned and fell back against her pillows. A moment later, she said,
"Pancakes?"
Pushing herself to her feet, Lana laughed and said, "Coffee."
"Bacon."
"Scrambled eggs. With cheddar."
"Oh, yum. All right, we have a plan. You want the shower first?"
"Coffee first. We have time."
"Ooh, good point," Chloe answered, getting up.
===============================================================================
"Oh, no. Please say that we didn't wake you!" Lana said as Chloe's dad walked
into the kitchen dressed in a thick blue robe tied over bright red plaid
pajamas.
Chloe looked up from her mixing bowl. "Sorry, Dad."
Gabe waved away their apologies, saying, "I'll take some of that, if you don't
mind."
Lana was already in the process of pouring him a cup of coffee, and he took it
with a smile.
"Pancakes?" Chloe offered.
"Please."
"Coming right up," she said with a smile.
Gabe perched on a stool at the kitchen island and blew on his steaming coffee.
Once they each had a mound of food piled on their plates, Gabe said, "Okay, you
two. This time it was Chloe, right?"
Lana and Chloe exchanged a look, and Gabe took a deep breath, apparently ready
to launch into a tirade.
"Yeah, Dad, it was me."
He nodded, still frowning, and said, "I thought so," and dug into his pancakes.
A few bites later, he said, "You're absolutely positive you don't want to try
the sedatives again? I'm sure we can find something milder than what they gave
you after the kidnapping."
"Dad, I'm just under a lot of stress right now. It's finals, I haven't even
started my Christmas shopping, I have no idea what to pack for Metropolis, and
you won't tell me what you want, so I have no idea what to get you!"
Gabe rolled his eyes at her. "Nice try, but don't think you can turn this one
around on me, sweetheart."
"I'll be fine, I promise. You know how people go a little stir-crazy this time
of year. Once the holidays are over, everything will be just fine."
"And if it's not?" he pressed.
Chloe took a long sip of her coffee before she answered. "Then I guess we can
have this conversation again."
"And discuss medication or therapy."
Chloe shared another glance with Lana before shrugging and saying, "All right.
If it comes to it."
"All right, then. Now, Lana," Gabe said, and she folded her hands so he
wouldn't see them shaking, "I don't want you to take this the wrong way since
you're responsible for making your own decisions now, but I'd like you to
consider it, too. You both have already lived through more than any human being
should ever have to, and frankly, I would be worried if you didn't have
nightmares." Lana looked down at her plate. Gabe took another slug of his
coffee. "The point is, neither of you can keep on like this."
Lana nodded. Quietly she said, "I understand."
"You may not realize that you're working twice as hard as most adults. Most
people work forty hours a week and that's it. You're in school full time, doing
homework, studying, working at the Talon and the Torch entirely too many hours
a week, and so on." Gabe looked from her to Chloe. "You both need more sleep."
"It really is mostly just the holidays," Lana said. A moment later, she added,
"I'm also kind of anxious about seeing Nell."
Gabe nodded. "That's completely understandable. Your aunt has put you in a
difficult position, and we're all going to make sure you get through it. So,
after the holidays, I want you both getting eight hours' sleep every night,
preferably with fewer nightmares. And until then, we'll just deal with
everything as it happens, all right?"
"Okay," Lana answered with a weak smile.
Chloe leaned over and gave her dad a one-armed hug. "Thanks," she said. "I'm
pretty sure it'll get better soon."
"Hope so, kiddo." He looked from her to Lana and back. "For both of you."
 
TWENTY-TWO
 
Lana flopped onto the guest bed and dialed Chloe's cell. "Oh my god, you have
to get me out of here," she said when Chloe picked up.
"That bad?"
"Nell went off on a tirade on how I've gained two pants sizes since she left.
She thinks I'm letting myself 'go to pot', as she put it."
"Oh, for crying out loud, because you wear a size three now? That's insane!
Besides, you look better with curves."
"Oh, see, that isn't even the best part," Lana said in a dark voice. "Dean
totally won't stop staring at me. It's really beginning to creep me out."
"Creep, like meteor-mutant-Smallville-creep?" Chloe asked.
"No, I mean the regular kind."
"Okay, so good that you're not in imminent danger, but oh my god, that's
gross."
"Tell me about it."
"God, okay, so do you want to come here instead? You know you're totally
welcome to, any time day or night."
"Thanks, that would make me really, really happy, but it would make things
absolutely impossible with Nell. I have to stick it out."
"Why?" Chloe asked. "Seriously, Lana, you don't have to be miserable."
"I…" Lana rolled over on her side and took in the ridiculous white and pink
bedroom Nell had made up for her. "I have to give her a chance."
"If you say so."
"For now." Lana asked, "What about you? How was your day?"
"Good. Really long, though. I was just about to crash, actually."
"Really? Did anything happen?"
"No, just my cousin is possibly more obsessive than I am, and my aunt and my
dad together are absolutely nuts. Fun, but crazy," Chloe said, yawning.
"Anyway, I'll tell you all about it when I see you in the morning."
Lana smiled into the phone. "Call me if you wake up screaming, okay?"
"Definitely," Chloe said with a giggle, "and you too, all right? No matter how
late."
"I will, don't worry. Goodnight."
"'Night."
 
TWENTY-THREE
 
Claiming they still had last minute shopping to do, Chloe and Lana set out the
next morning to see the city. Metropolis was shining with fresh snow and bright
sunlight glittering off tall office buildings. All the streetlights downtown
were decorated with giant silver snowflakes and red-garland candles wrapped in
green-garland finery. Strands of lights shone in storefronts and in the small
snow-dusted hollies and junipers dotting the sidewalks in enormous concrete
planters.
It was beautiful.
They went to the bookstore first and found presents for Lois, Lucy, Gabe, and
Dean. Then Chloe led them a block over to the left and announced, "Here it is."
Lana looked around, and Chloe said, "That's 89th and Vine."
"Oh wow," Lana said.
"No Christmas tree vendor anymore. I guess he moved to another block."
Lana nodded. "I guess so," she said, and followed Chloe to the corner.
"Let's take these back? I don't want to lug books around all day."
"Sure. What do you want to do next?"
Chloe grinned. "Surprise."
===============================================================================
An hour later, Lana and Chloe were standing at the penguin pond at the
Metropolis Zoo. A cold wind was blowing, and Lana was glad for her heavy coat
and hat, but it was worth it to see the smile on Chloe's face.
"I used to come here all the time," Chloe said, shivering. "I loved it here."
Lana watched a line of penguins waddle up the ramp to the diving cliff and tip
into the cold water one by one. There was a film of ice over the ramp and play
area, but the constant motion of the water kept the pool from crusting over.
"They're so happy in the cold." Chloe grinned and Lana smiled back.
"We need hot chocolate," Lana said, and Chloe's grin grew wider.
"You are so right, and there just happens to be a stand over by the bears!"
They explored for a little longer before the temperature began to drop. Then
they took the subway back downtown. "One stop shopping for everyone else,"
Chloe announced, leading them toward a huge department store. An hour later,
they had three sweaters, a hat, and a bottle of perfume between them, and were
ready to call it a day.
Lana was in the middle of a horror story about Nell and a whole batch of
scorched gingerbread men when Chloe froze beside her. They were standing on the
platform, waiting for their train to stop and open the doors, and Chloe's eyes
were fixed on the windows of the third car.
She moved sideways through the crowd and Lana followed. The doors opened, and a
middle-aged blonde woman exited with half a dozen other people. "Excuse me!"
Chloe called in a high voice, and the woman turned her head. Lana watched Chloe
blink, mouth working, but no sound coming out. Then she was shaking her head,
calling, "Sorry," as she glanced at Lana and made for the doors before they
missed it.
They sank into a pair of seats halfway down, and Lana took Chloe's gloved hand
in her own. She was shaking.
"It wasn't her," Chloe whispered. "I know it wasn't."
"It's okay," Lana said, not knowing what else to say.
After several minutes, Chloe said softly, "I just wanted it to be."
"I know," Lana answered, and wrapped an arm around Chloe's shoulders. Chloe
leaned against her, and Lana watched the way she bit her lips, determined not
to cry on the train.
 
TWENTY-FOUR
 
Christmas itself was kind of anti-climactic. Lana did the breakfast gift
exchange with Nell and Dean and then let them take her over to have Christmas
again with Chloe at noon. There were presents, there was food, there was
coffee, and there was only a minor skirmish when Lana refused to leave with
them after only two hours had passed. Lana put her foot down and Nell couldn't
do much else but put on a plastic smile and wish them all a happy holiday. Then
Lana and Chloe retreated into the guest room and hid for a while.
Afterwards, General and Mrs. Lane fed them another Christmas dinner, Gabe and
Lois took turns making them laugh, and Lucy vanished to spend the afternoon
chatting with her best friend online.
After a while, Chloe said, "Let's go to the park," and before she knew it, they
were circling slowly around the public rink on rented ice skates. Little kids
buzzed around on the edges while couples who were good enough tried to do ice
dancing in the center to the carols being piped through the concession booth's
tinny speakers.
Chloe's nose was pink with the cold, but she looked happier now-now that she
was outside. Lana felt happier now, too. "When do you want to go home?" Lana
blurted.
Chloe grinned. "Now?" she said with a laugh. "Either tomorrow or Friday, I
guess," she answered seriously. "I just had to get out of the house."
"I understand completely."
They skated a while longer, watching the kids and couples. It was good to burn
off some of the frantic Christmas energy, especially since she was dreading
having to go back to Nell's and get her stuff before she could go back to
Smallville. She'd talked to Rachel last night and made sure the Talon was still
standing. Everything was fine, but she still couldn't wait to get back.
Lana kept her eyes on the small crowd around the rink. Chloe did, too. After
the third time of catching each other looking, Lana laughed and said, "It feels
like I'm waiting for the shoe to drop."
"It totally does," Chloe replied with a grin. "But I don't see any crazy
mutants or kidnappers or stalkers or anything."
Lana shook her head. "It's definitely not Smallville."
"You can say that again."
"Hey, what about that exorcism?" Lana asked, dodging around a couple who'd
stopped to kiss in the middle of the ice.
Chloe's eyes lit up. "You wanna?"
"What do we have to do?"
"Well, I've got a bunch of websites bookmarked on my computer, but they all
basically say the same thing. We need to say goodbye in some kind of meaningful
way."
"Like a funeral."
Chloe frowned for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah, you could say that."
"Too bad the ground's frozen," Lana said. "We could bury something."
"We could do a cremation," Chloe answered, and then pointed toward the
concession stand. "Here, I'm cold. Let's get hot chocolate?"
"Sure," Lana answered.
They turned in their skates and bought two steaming paper cups of chocolatey
goodness, then they claimed a park bench because they weren't ready to go back
yet.
"So, we say goodbye in some meaningful way? How is that going to work?" Lana
asked. It hadn't worked with her parents.
Chloe made a face and let out a long, white gust of breath. "Yeah, see, that's
the thing. It all sounds so hokey."
Lana nodded and sipped her drink. It was cooling fast in the chill air. Chloe
drummed her gloved fingers on the bench, looking lost in thought.
"You know," Lana started, "maybe this is the exorcism. Maybe we're doing it
just by doing what we're doing."
Chloe looked up at her sharply.
"Without them," Lana finished with a smile.
Chloe pressed her lips together tightly, then slowly nodded. "I think I see
what you mean."
"We don't need them anymore," Lana said firmly.
"But don't you miss her?" Chloe asked.
Lana tilted her head and shrugged. "I miss how things were when I was little,
but that's all gone now."
"Yeah, I get that." Chloe sighed and drained the last of her hot chocolate.
Lana did the same and stood up. Snickering, she said, "How about we do a ritual
disposal of the garbage?"
Chloe giggled and rose to her feet. There was a large square trash container
about a dozen feet up the path from them. Chloe marched over, raised her empty
paper cup, and slam-dunked it into the barrel. "Bye, Mom," she said with a
wicked grin.
Lana laughed. "Have a nice life, Nell," she echoed, and did the same.
Still giggling, Chloe took her arm and led them toward the street. "Head for
home tomorrow?" she asked.
"Yeah," Lana said, smiling. "I can't wait to get back."
 
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